#HOW DO I BLOCK IMAGES I DONT WANT TO SEE IT EVER AGAIN

[beastwars-transformers]

FUCKING NO ONE

[malues]

i saw a pb x cb post so i got curious, is it ok to ship them? i tried to find out by myself with searching but all the thing of pb being an adult but young adult/late teenager mentally and cb being a 10 year old but a mid teenager/late teenager mentally gets me a bit confused

im gonna use this post to talk about the characters ages again! (no shade to this person in particular, ive just been getting a lot of questions abt it recently.)

when discussing ages, a lot of fans refer to this post i made a while back:

i'd have no problems with this but a lot of people who use this image seem to disregard/forget the bottom paragraph? its mainly my fault for not being good enough while explaining, which i apologize for. but i want to use this to better explain what i meant here:

charger block and crown are NOT actual 10 year old children; when i say that they are 10 and 9, i'm saying that they have EXISTED for 10 and 9 years. even when they were 0 years old, their mannerisms and such were the same as they are today, and may even remain the same when they reach the age 500+.

for example, a character that was created yesterday is only a day old but they may still have the resemblance and maturity of an adult. this is how it worked for michael and sean: since their creations, they have always resembled adults. the characters in LOTS do not age the same as actual people do.

with this in mind, ever since their creations, cb and crown have always resembled teenagers! so while not real children, they're still a bit on the younger side.

so, use this for a better reference:

charger blocks maturity resembles that of a 16-17 year old.

crowns maturity resembles that of a 18-20 year old.

michael, sean, and pipe bomb are fully adults!

this does not mean that a characters mental age WILL stay the same forever, however! it's possible that we will see maturity in cb and crown as the show goes on; don't forget, theyre stuck with a job for 500 years!!! but for now, this is who they are.

so what about the actual question above? well, i anticipated seeing a ship of pb and cb rise after 1C. it's not one i exactly look forward to seeing like many others, so i'd prefer people take a different direction when it comes to that relationship.

and please please, if you see someone who enjoys the ship but is possibly unaware of the ages, DONT get upset!!! it's not their fault that they haven't seen a random post clarifying the ages that only 5% of LOTS fans see!!! if you want to, politely inform them. if they don't care, leave them alone and move on!! they wont change their mind as you won't change yours!!

so theres that! i hope this doesn't leave more questions than answers like last time, but dont be afraid to ask for further clarification!

[the-smiling-doodler]

What is the difference between twitter and tumblr

there's a lot of differences between them, from community to functionality. we'd be here all week if i listed every single one, so i'm just gonna name a few: 1. the community on tumblr is a lot more chill than the one on twitter. tumblr users HIGHLY encourage curating your own experience, it's basically impossible to be on tumblr for a while without seeing at least one post encouraging you to unfollow/block people you dont vibe with, not respond to hateful asks and block mean anons, and filter tags you dont like. this isn't to say that other apps don't do the same thing, but in my experience, tumblr users are far more vocal about it. it's very ingrained in the app's culture as a whole. linking this back to the SC fandom real quick: I've only been faced with one drama on tumblr, compared to twitter where it seems like every fucking day some new shit pops up. tumblr-exclusive SC fans are largely unaware of any of the crazy shit that goes on on twitter. i keep saying this to my moots but it is genuinely far more peaceful on here than on twitter. 2. tumblr is also more slow-paced than twitter because the character limit on this app is HUGE (4096 characters per text block, and tumblr allows a total of 1000 content blocks per post, meaning that if you use every content block you have exclusively for text, the total character limit is 4,096,000 characters per post. thats like 630154 - 819200 words !! also, reblogs count as their own post, and you can reblog a post a near infinite number of times (ignoring the 250 post limit a day.)), which i think is part of the reason why this app is more chill. it's less stressful, it feels like you can take your time on here. this isn't mentioning that you can attach up to 10 images to a post, making tumblr a better app for both writers and artists compared to twitter. the more you stay on this app, the more you notice that a lot of posts are very long. 3. i've said this on another post of mine (which i really recommend reading if you have the time because i talk a lot about the importance of reblogging posts on tumblr, among other things), but I'll say it here again: while the community on tumblr is more chill, it's also very quiet. a lot of tumblr users have become very passive in their engagement with posts, only liking and never reblogging. in my personal experience, i've found that you get far more engagement and reach on twitter than on tumblr (emphasis on personal experience, because a few of my friends have told me that they actually get more interaction on tumblr than on twitter.) in short: twitter is where you go to get famous, tumblr is where you go to hang out with friends. 4. this point came from my friend @buggyboo-exe, he said: "I'd add the fact that Tumblr allows for more, how do I say, personal interaction? On Twitter sure, you can follow people and see just your follower's posts and everything but Tumblr not only has the ask box, it also gives you the feature to answer those asks privately. I think it's just easier to make friends on Tumblr and actually keep those friends long term than on Twitter. Likely due to the slow paced thing as well. I'm not sure how to explain it better. Tumblr also started the whole "moots" thing I believe so followers are always seen more as friends then anywhere else." I think this point is very solid because, yes, although I think twitter is better in terms of quantity of engagement, tumblr allows for deeper, more personal interaction. a lot of my closest friends on this fandom are ones I've made on tumblr. I feel way more comfortable goofing around and being silly with them publicly on here than on twitter.

5. this is something I wanted to add to the post i linked in point 3 but forgot to, and that is that tumblr is more or less timeless. it's very, very, VERY common to come across posts from as far back as 15 years ago. you basically never see twitter posts ever again if they weren't made this year, but on tumblr? it's not unusual to see a post from 2015 circulating. it's not weird to reblog art or writing from months or years ago. it's also not weird to go through an artist's blog and just reblog/like all their posts in one sitting. (also, reblogging a post means you get to keep a copy of it on your blog forever. meaning that even if a user deletes their blog, or deletes the post itself, as long as you've reblogged it it's never truly gone. reblog your favorite posts if you wanna keep them with you forever!!) 6. tumblr users REALLY stress anonymity. one of the first things i told my twitter mutuals was to PRIVATE YOUR LIKES AND FOLLOWING TABS !! no one wants or needs to see that stuff. this is your personal blog, you're allowed to and even encouraged to keep things about yourself private. it is usually extremely easy to tell who is and isnt a tumblr user, because twitter users tend to: have their likes and following visible, don't have a blog title, dont have a personal blog theme, and only like posts with little to no reblogs.

I'll cut myself off here because this post is getting very long, but yeah, there's a LOTTTT of differences. i hope this answered your question !! and to anyone reading this, feel free to ask me if you have any other questions about being on tumblr. I know a lot of you are new here and i LOVE to yap, so i'd be happy to answer !!

[lemongogo]

what's your process for coloring like? the look of that elendira is so textured and interesting, i can't figure out how you do it

AA THANK YOUU ^__^ !! textures & brushwork are my favorite things abt my art, so im happy you find it interesting hehe . its SOO cool to look at & so much fun to draw imo

i prefer to color by building in layers , if that makes sense 🤔!! hundreds of them !! such that i'm always drawing on Top of previous layers, working from big & messy blocks of color to, eventually, small and refined blocks of color until it feels processed enough. as a result, i rarely ever erase (!!) and i rarely ever draw lineart aside from the initial sketch

a rough, patchy textured brush is key here, as it'll give you dimension and variability w/ your colors. i recommend "Brush and various sets of fountain pen style (万年筆風ブラシと色々セット)" on Clip Studio (ID: 1679706) !! :3

im terrible with explanations though, so i'm going to show a step by step of that elendira drawing if you dont mind :3

sketch layer !! because i mostly render through color alone, i try to make this as close to the finished thing as possible . ^__^ i hateee drawing the same thing over and over and like the expressivity and movement of my sketches anyways , so the more i can preserve at this step, the better. if u were to look at a side by side of my sketches and finished pieces, youd notice a lot of those og lines are present in the final drawing :3

2. flats !! pretty self explanatory, but the solid background gives me an idea of where the figure begins & ends while the colors themselves help distinguish whats what . i stick to ambient lighting @ this point because im usually not sure what i want to do with the overall palette or lighting yet . having two tones (ex, dark and light in her hair or dark and light on her skin) can also help in identifying key features early on that u wanna preserve. as you build layer by layer, sometimes these areas will remain untouched and i think it makes for a rly lovely feel at the end

3. start blocking !!! to be totally honest with you, i dont really know what i do here HAHAHA. like i just scribble the shit out of it, usually focusing on what i might want to do with lighting (ex: grey areas to accentuate folds in her costume). i think i like to start "erasing" the sketch where possible by coloring on top of it .. like if you look at her hat or her arm , you can tell i'm starting to get a sense of the shapes i like vs the ones i dont. it's at this point that the final image starts to emerge in my mind , like im gradually pulling her from a tarpit of scribbles until shes recognizable lol. chipping away at the marble until i can free her. tbh.

4. keep blockingg...when u think u are done , block some more . as you can probably see, the brushwork becomes more intentional as i add more shape, with specific focus on line weight. this is also where the patchiness of that textured brush comes in - notice how none of the colors seem totally uniform (ex: the red cross or the original sketchlines for her waist). you can see bits and pieces of the layers underneath pushing through and i really like that !! ^__^ its very fun and sketchy to me, so i try to keep them around. those areas are also great to colorpick from, because it'll give you "new" colors to work w/ that are already part of your palette.

5. GRADIENTS & GRADIENT MAPS !! TONE CURVE !! COLOR PICKER !! this is the best stage tbh. flatten your image so its all on one layer and just go crazy with all the color settings in ur program. add gradient layers and set them to darken, or overlay, or subtract, orrr. lighten or dodge glow or divide or soft/hard light.! OR!! edit the hue, saturation, luminosity and contrast.and then color pick from these edits, block even more on top of ur image, flatten, color edit again, etc. etc. until u feel satisfied.

ANYWAYSS . i hope that makes sense @__@ sry i wrote this out and deleted it like 23 times trying to make it make More sense but thats what ive got HAHA i hope its useful though :3 !

[prettyboypistol]

Can you do the tf2 mercs walking on their crush (m!reader) masturbating

includes scout, medic, spy, sniper, engi, demoman, heavy, soldier

minors dni

Scout

Oh. God.

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

Immediately slams the door with a loud "SORRY"

thinks he has a heart attack, but honestly? he was okay to die happy then and there.

Scout's always been a bit of a voyeur anyway, and just accidentally bursting in to see his totally-not man crush jerking it? Jeremy nearly jumped into bed too.

the image will randomly appear in his mind over the next few weeks, causing his face to burn bright red for a moment.

He can't look you in the eye for about a week, let alone talk to you.

the memory totally locks into his jerk it material for the next week.

Medic

honestly? mans would probably just continue on about what he was doing. crush or not, medic is a busybody.

"Oh no no, I don't mind, anyway I've been looking for my forceps and I was here last-"

Internally screaming fr

totally gossips to Archimedes

Ludwig makes sly comments after catching you about how your stress levels seem lower.

may or may not brush up on your thighs a little more during medical procedures

Asks to inspect your dick fr

Sniper

"Whoops, sorry mate, didn't know." Externally as he shuts the door

AAAAAAAAAA FUCK FUCK FUCK internally

Warns other people not to bother you, and if someone's insistent, he shuts them down with an evil look in his eye. "I said he's busy."

He thinks the little yelp you let out was too fucking cute.

Whenever he thinks about it, he hides his face in his hat

He feels like such a gross pervert because he's aroused by seeing you, especially since it was an accident.

doesn't talk to you ever again but you have a much taller and deadlier shadow that follows you. Not that you mind or anything, but a "hi" would be nice.

Demoman

"Nice cock, mind if we compare?"

Very easygoing, might even slip in a coy "aww, without me?" to ease the tension.

He still asks the question he had tho, not really bothered by the situation

"Eh, we all jerk off. It's not a big deal"

Still shuts the door after you throw a pillow at him as he laughs

as soon as the door shuts, his brain finally comes back online.

Oh.

OH SHIT.

Tavish teases you constantly after, maybe using the accident to drop a few sly flirty lines your way.

Heavy

makes fun of your dick size on reflex. sorry i dont make the rules.

"I'll show you a man's cock!" energy, but still respects your dignity and leaves you to yourself.

assures you that it's all natural, and that every man gets horny.

Yes, even him. Especially after he saw what you looked like.

The way your face turned red and you yanked the blankets up, god, he was an awful person.

loudly clears his throat before he leaves, but the blush is still able to be seen.

you can see the tent in his pants, poor man couldn't hide it if he tried.

Engi

he didn't mean to, really! He just wanted to see if you were still interested in weapon upgrades!

He just... froze. You couldn't tell exactly where he was staring, but he was definitely staring at you. You shout at him to leave when his brain finally starts working again

"oh my god I'm so sorry I'll leave-" SLAM

absolutely tries to block out the memory and shames himself for being a peeping tom and refuses to touch himself to the thought.

You get a lot of gifts at your room for your weapon

Soldier

Jane accidentally lets EVERYONE know about what you're doing.

"GOOD GOD PRIVATE, PUT YOUR DICK AWAY"

You tell him to shut up, he gets onto you about back talking a member of the army.

He realizes what you're doing immediately, but powers through the feeling of discomfort for the sake of "not having favorites"

you are absolutely his favorite though

Whenever Soldier decides to mess around, on those blue moon events, he thinks of you and your chest/torso. good god, you are hot.

[legacyshenanigans]

Hello B!! I'm back at it again with Rominis shenanigans and ideas for you today are:

First time Rowan showed Omi his werewolf form. I know he can't really see the whole thing but you know what I mean....I just think that also could have been a nice moment between the two. I feel like the amount of trust between these two had to be strong for Rowan to feel comfortable showing him that side of him and Ominis not being afraid of him. 🥹❤️🐺🐍 (If you haven't written it already that is)

And the other one is just the usual chaos and this one is the stereotypical dog (or wolf in this case) Vs cat moment. Maybe Omi is looking after a stray kitten or someone asked him if he could watch their cat for a few days and the cat just decides to crash on Omi's bed obviously invading Rowan's territory not to mention Omi could be giving the kitty all the attention. I donno just the image of Rowan being jealous of a little cat could be really funny 🐺🐈

Don't worry I'll eventually ran out of ideas I've been known to get an art block pretty frequently (so you won't have to deal with my chaos anymore). If that happens expect another spam of memes 🤣❤️

As always have a wonderful evening B!! ❤️❤️

Your little Dragon friend 🐲❤️🐍

I always love your Rominis asks my lil Dragon 💚 and I love your memes too! Haha. I hope you're having a good evening/day too, I had a nap, and I've not long woke up 😅💜 yeah I can do these for you 😊💚

Rominis 🐺💚

Pets and Scratches.

First time Rowan transformed in front of Ominis.

Ominis and Rowan: *walking in the woods together*

Ominis: I was thinking?

Rowan: Oh?

Ominis: I havn't been around your werewolf form yet *smiles*

Rowan: I..Well..I wasn't sure if I'd ever want to reveal that side of me, not to you anyway..I never want to frighten you.

Ominis: You wouldn't frighten me, Rowan? I like you, you wouldn't hurt me, why would I be frightened? *soft grin*

Rowan: *stares at Ominis for a moment with a slightly concerned look on his face before he slowly transforms*

Ominis: (??)

Rowan: *sits in front of Ominis in his werewolf form, looking at him through almost sad eye's*

Ominis: *reaches out and feels Rowans wet nose and giggles, then feels the fur of his head*

Rowan: ....

Ominis: *pets and scratches Rowans head with a sweet smile*

Rowan: *tail wags as his face relaxes*

Ominis: ...How do you feel?

Rowan: *even deeper, more hoarse voice* Oddly calm..

Ominis: *chuckles* Do you like pets like this?

Rowan: ..The only people that have ever petted me in Wolf form were my parents..So, yes, it feels weirdly nostalgic.

Ominis: I'm glad..I'll always give you pets if you need them *endearing grin*

Rowan: *crinkles his nose and bares his teeth like he's smiling*

Cats and Dogs

Rowan doesn't like cats. Especially not cats that are taking Ominis's attention.

Rowan: *wandering into Ominis room* Hey, baby.

Ominis: *chilling on his bed with a cat* Hey *smiles*

Rowan: *notices the cat and tenses up, letting out a growl before his hand shoots up to his own mouth*

Ominis: (?!) ..Did you just growl?

Rowan: ..Why is there a cat here?

Ominis: I think it's a little stray, think it came in through my open window, and just decided to have a little rest on my bed with me *smiles*

Rowan: ...Urgh...I dont like cats.. And why does it look so cosy next to you *small frown* and why are you petting it.

Ominis: Awww come on, Rowan, don't be jealous *chuckles*

Rowan: *slowly approaches the bed, his eyes glued to the cat, as he sits down next to Ominis*

The little cat: *gets up and sniffs at Rowan*

Rowan: *nose twitching*

Ominis: Rowan?

Rowan: ...Urgh. it's sniffing me.

Ominis: *giggles*

Little cat: *sits on Rowans lap*

Rowan: *small growl* URGH. It's sitting on me!

Ominis: *bursts into a fit of chuckles*

~

[scarrletmoon]

im not trying to start shit so im not tagging this but i'm just thinking about ed/izzy and how it doesn't make sense

like. izzy feels like the shitty ex who's convinced you that no one else gets you and no one ever will, so as uncomfortable as you feel with him, as much as it feels like you're missing something, you don't know exactly WHAT you're missing. plus, you've never had a relationship that's lasted as long as this one, and everyone says relationships are hard work. so maybe this IS what you deserve. at the end of the day, yeah he's an angry little fucker but he's loyal. you know he'll always have your back bc he's dedicated like no one else. and what's a relationship if not respect and loyalty?

except izzy has a very concrete but wrong idea of who ed is. he wants ed to fit a certain mould, which has severely stunted ed's growth and made him miserable.

i get ed/izzy as like, a terrible toxic relationship where two people stay together bc they think they have no one else -- izzy clings to ed bc blackbeard represents everything he wants to be as a man, ed stays with izzy bc he's useful and like, look at the poor guy, you can't just ditch him after 20 years. ed's not HEARTLESS. izzy's good, deep down.

deep, deep down

but then you see how stede immediately sees the best in ed, knows that ed can do better. stede brings out the softer parts that ed's been unable to access for years, doesn't shame him for not being a paragon of manliness or whatever. ed is HAPPY with stede.

and like, stede is a BITCH. he's selfish, obnoxious, shamelessly grandiose and loves being the center of attention, will happily ignore other people's needs to serve his own and also somehow has such terrible self esteem that he thinks he doesn't actually matter at the end of the day

but stede CARES. he never tries to really change anyone to fit an image he approves of. he doesn't go out of his way to harm anyone unless they've harmed him or someone he loves. his loyalty isn't conditional; when he loves ed, he loves him exactly as he is. and i think the reason why he dislikes Jack so much is bc jack turns him into this dumb frat boy who doesn't think for himself and he knows ed is better than that. ed reads it as judgement bc that's all he's ever gotten from others. but stede means it as "there is so much good in you already" rather than "i wish you would change into a shape i approve of"

so like. WHY DO PEOPLE THINK ED WOULD BE HAPPIER WITH IZZY. ed isn't even romantically attracted to izzy? izzy clearly, obviously, is HOPELESSLY in love with ed. but it's worse for both of them if they stay together, as friends or romantic partners. if they stay together, they stagnate. apart, ed can flourish. idk about izzy but maybe he'd be less of a cunt if he loosened his sphincter and learned that he doesn't ACTUALLY have to control everything in his sight

i get relating to izzy as someone who's been in love with someone who'll never love them back, but like. i'm sorry. im so sorry. but you should think better of yourself than izzy. you don't have to be miserable, and part of finding your own happiness might involve leaving the person you've been in love with for years who's never going to give you what you need

not saying you can't like the little gremlin but i'm just very confused about people who impart this softness onto him that doesn't actually exist, and won't exist until he exhibits some desire to change as a person

anyway if anyone comes to this post or my inbox cussing me out for this, im just blocking on sight bc i'm not fighting with izzy fans again who'd rather be cruel than either engage respectfully or just ignore me

if you dont like what i have to say, the block button is literally!! right there!!

[defensivelee]

ok... i just blocked anon at this point but heres what they said bc apparently i didn't read what i wrote myself(?!)

i would just leave it at that, but honestly? i do wanna address some things here not bc i feel the need to defend myself to anon, but bc i wanna make it clear to you ppl WHY all this stuff was written.... like im not gonna sugarcoat it, i DO enjoy writing this bc hi. huge whump lover here. making pretty people suffer is my favorite thing. but it's also so important to say that this is FICTION (this is historical rpf which is kinda funny but still, none of this actually happened). there is no real abuse going on so there is no need for any of this performative bullshit. anon is just wasting time bc it goes without saying but i would never ever condone or do this shit irl. idk how it works for other ppl but for me fiction does not affect reality, the only way it does is that it makes me happy precisely because i can do whatever i want and nobody gets hurt. and these mfs dont care, they're dead im sure they have better things to do. anyway i just wanna say:

all the details anon is giving me abt my story makes it sound like they read the whole story, both Dona Dona and the main chapters. that's almost 100k words. when they could have clicked off at any time. when the tags are so clearly right there. like... you did this for what 😭

i assume the gang rape anon is talking about is in the Tenth Hot Spring when Bentinck serviced a bunch of dudes to seal a deal for William. i would find it kind of difficult to describe it as that... but tbh, yeah, it would have been incredibly hard for him to say no. in any case, so sorry to tell you this anon but there are no perfect victims in this AU! he never sees it as rape because he thinks he deserves it, and because he does enjoy it at times. his whole image as an Ally under an Overlifer kind of relies on that. and while i'll tag it properly, i'm not going to sanitize or sugarcoat it as it's a huge part of his character arc. he doesn't think he's allowed to say no or have boundaries, so he won't! in this society i think it would be hard to find a "perfect victim." Bentinck doesn't cry about this because he thinks he's fulfilling his purpose.

Bentinck being described as a shotacon..... im so sorry that was so fucking funny to me LMFAO

i wouldn't say he enjoyed kissing William's father as a boy, he just thinks he did. obv we don't get to see much of it in Dona Dona bc it's from William's POV. but even then, as an adult, he stills sees it as an honor. AGAIN, part of his whole arc of how he views himself, the religion, and his role in it. that event is kind of the starting point of that, it was put there for a reason and not bc i actually think kids can consent/enjoy assault! in my experience, they can think they did. here again, the perfect victim narrative does not always reflect reality.

you're right, kids can't initiate that! like i said in my disclaimer, it's a result of grooming and how they've been raised. they think they are, but it's just making them easier to abuse. i never once believed they could consent.

im not a rapist period full stop. just not

yeah i romanticize abusive relationships. in FICTION. they're fun to write. jamesborough is a delightful ship and the succubus au has been so fun to work on. real life abusers can choke and i would encourage anyone in a relationship like the ones i write about to seek help immediately.

Anne called Marly a slut bc SHE is victim blaming. EVERYONE victim blames Marly in this story. it's part of HIS arc. i would not blame any victim of this sort of shit irl. and even then, in this universe "slut" doesn't have such a negative connotation as in our world. yes, it is still victim blaming, but how can you read the story and still have it completely fly by your head like that

im aromantic, which i dont know how you wouldnt have just picked up from idk... SCROLLING THRU MY BLOG LIKE ANON SO CLEARLY DID?? LOOKING AT MY ICON?? so no need to pray for those hypothetical partners, it's never happening.

[alltheangstmygifttoyou]

I can barely use tumblr without it crashing and this ain't what I usually put on my blog but I dont care bc I'm excited and want to throw ideas into the void!!! So under the cut will be SPOILERS for Helluva Boss all episodes released to this day (9/9/23 having season 2 episode 6 posted and the date of me typing this post). Cool? Cool.

Edit: (its now 12/10/23 and I see I never posted this lmao its just in my drafts. Which I have like fifty of 😅)

Okay okay so like: I'm a nerd who's an obsessive little bitch at times and when Fizz was explaining his side of events I was like... I'm not calling you a liar, 'cause Blitzø was definitely jealous, at least a bit, but I dont think jealousy over fame caused the biggest strain. So I went back through the episode slowly and took some screen shots of the flashback parts to show a bit what I mean.

[Image description: Cash Buckzo smiling as young adult Fizz reads card with words on the front saying "Wish you were My So" with Fizz's hand blocking the last letter. In the background of the image young adult Blitzø is watching behind curtains unhappily]

Pretty sure we can all tell that card really saying "wish you were my son" seeing how we know Cash is a shit father from season 2 episode 1. The deep blue (personally reminds me of space) and star decorations of the card are also an interesting choice, as well as the handwriting. It all points to Cash either having other people doing work for him, or being capable of doing these things himself, but not caring enough to similarly educate his kid in turn. So its no fucking wonder why Blitzø was upset! Theres a difference in wanting the spot light and wanting your parent to act like they love you instead of your bestest friend! (As someone who was the bestest friend at one point shit ain't comfortable!)

So Blitzø sees this shit and feels understandably hurt. I would too. He has a letter for Fizz, but logical or not, the hurt caused by Cash would sour emotions around Fizz for Blitzø for a little bit likely. So he removed himself from the situation before really ever entering, and with the shove he gave the cake holder and the talk of booze stealing from Cash later in the episode, I have to imagine that was his way of trying to not ruin Fizz's party. Blitzø throughout the series has been a bit quick to violence, volatile emotions would just worsen things. In some sense, if the fire hadn't gotten out of hand so quickly- or they waited until the cake was settled to light the candles, I'd argue Blitzø was making a more emotional mature decision than I normally think of him.

But then theres the card and flower itself. Its sealed with a heart sticker and says "Fizz's eyes only". The flower looks familiar. Five red petals all coming together to a yellow eye like center. Reminds me of the flowers in Stolas' hospital room in season 2 episode 4 Western Energy. People theorized that those petals dropping had something to do with the whole he loves me he loves me not game. The nature of these twos relationship is interesting.

I included these four screen shots because I think they emphasize the hurt Blitzø felt, his confusion, but mainly to point out Cash. When all the charecters are silhouettes we see one that is clearly Blitzø standing under Fizz's birthday banner. But behind him, one of the last sprinting out of the tent is a partly hidden silhouette. But the horn, head, hand/claws, and mustache make it clear that this is Cash once again. But when we see from a more street view Blitzø is alone when the explosion of fireworks happened. Doesn't this imply that Cash just not only left the kid who he wished was his son but also his blood son behind despite all he needed to do was grab them and push them to run?

[fairybeatsdragon]

I defended a närcon panda once but have had to eat my words since. I had a complaint which I voiced in the general discord, and pretty quickly the responsible panda sent a DM, she seemed like she actually listened to what I said so when people talked shit about the pandas which people do a lot in private lol I'd be the one to go "not all pandas! this one was nice!"

Then another more serious thing happened so I messaged her in good faith thinking she'd take it seriously again, but this time she ghosted me instead. I naively send her little updates for a while thinking she was just busy but in the end she never replied. It hit me that she only ever replied because the first time I had complained in public. She did it to stop me from saying it in public and not because she actually cares lmao since then I've noticed any time somone has a complaint they say "send an email isntead and don't say anything in public (or we will block/ban you)" because they just dont want others to see the complaints

We believe that's how they've been trained to act to protect the image of NärCon (which they are failing hard at).

Any time people complain and say that NärCon doesn't listen - which is a very fair assumption to make since people have been making the same complaints for more than a decade and NärCon refuses to change it, fix it or even address the complaints - they will act butt-hurt and say they totally do listen and are working hard at it. Which is either a lie to shut people up, or they are genuinely so painfully incompetent that even 20+ years of "working hard at it" hasn't taught them the minimum basics of running a con.

And as we've said before, the NärCon staff appears very morally corrupt. If a person looks at squeezable foam boobs on a blushing anime girl and thinks "yes this is for kids", if they think "it's ok pedos come to our child-friendly event that we encourage kids to go alone to", if they think "banning people to shut them up is ok and normal" they've already lost their moral compass. And they do all that in a single day.

[thevalleyoftriumph]

[ edit: end0s dont touch this post, thanks! please block me instead ^_^ ]

so! um. for those who Arent in the ava community group and thus havent seen these; 4 days ago i posted the first 4 images officially introducing a headcanon that ive had for 2 years. its a hc that is very very important and dear to me that i hold very close to my heart, as it is a MASSIVE projection of my own experiences with having a dissociative disorder and being a system.

huuuge huge ramble under the cut. ^_^

the headcanon, to put it at its most simple, is this; chosen is a system of 3, having himself and two others, killer and beast, of whom are sort of seen here via a visual design of their internal appearance/how they see themselves. thats about it.

theres more to it, obviously, and thats the shortest way i can explain it, but trust me when i say it is much much MUCH more complex than i make it out to be. a LOT of projection goes into this, so a lot of how i write chosen and his system are based pretty explicitly off my experiences with the disorder. thus, its actually a ... very detailed headcanon.

i have a LOT of thoughts about this headcanon as again ive had it for years now. you can actually kinda see little inklings of it in my ooold old art of these three! a lot of my thoughts have been posted in the community too, either in the replies of my posts or under a cut, so if anyone is curious and wants it to be rebloggable, feel free to shoot me an ask requesting i put it on here :] and if anyones curious about details to my headcanon, feel free to ask me about it!!! genuinely i adore talking about this one, it means the world to me and i love seeing people enjoy it!

i also just want to say, ever since i posted the original mini-comic, ive been seeing a LOT more system headcanons in the ava community here, and genuinely it makes me SO happy. i was very very nervous sharing the headcanon initially, since its something very special to me that means a great deal to me, and i didnt know how itd be recieved. i did in fact expect to get rocks chucked at me lol. but, seeing how much people ended up adoring it, and seeing others start to form their own headcanons, makes me feel a lot better about it! im so excited i get to share this with you all, putting this hc out public is like bearing a part of my soul in a way. nerve-wracking, but ultimately relieving. its really nice. so, thank you ava tumblr for being awesome ^_^

obligatory "im a system and im sick of seeing this in media" disclaimer however; if i see ANY of you pull the "evil alter" stereotype in your headcanons [or if you interprite my beast as one], i am legally allowed to hit you with a chair. if you genuinely dont understand what that means or why its harmful, you are okay to ask me questions! just please please please remember to do your research if youre gonna be making a did/osdd headcanon, especially if youre a singlet!! i LOVE seeing hcs, but theres a TON of misinfo online about these disorders. dont just use tumblr as your sources! use actual medical and scientific writings! obviously looking to see the personal experiences of systems is great, but pleasepleaseplease get your primary research from somewhere other than tumblr and tiktok. ok thats all obligatory disclaimer over lol

[pillatedcompills]

I WANT TO DIE

CW MPREG... + SH MENTION /NEG..

so silly me is just scrolling down my tumblr feed, having a fun time looking at tsp pikmin fnaf and good omens art and all of a sudden i get hit by fucking good omens mpreg art.. So Im just like huh what, so i start making sad crying noises cuz im a dramatic baby. And mind you I HATE MPREG, and the post was serious too.. and i was about to start sobbing cuz my dumbass haven't even watched good omens yet.. Now im trying to scroll past it after looking at it and feeling sick, and my mouse accidently scrolls over the account and its a NSFW ACCOUNT. I at first thought maybe this was just a silly innocent post, kinda suggestive whatever and that it wasn't intended for nsfw purposes. THE ACCOUNT SAID NSFW BLAH BLAH BLAH MINORS WILL BE BLOCKED BELLY / PREGNACY STUFF. AND I JUST WENT WHAT... I KEEP FORGETTING THERES PEOPLE WHO ARE INTO MPREG, I ONLY EVER SEE IT DRAWN AS A JOKE. and the most fucking dumb part is this stupid fucking idiot used the MAIN good omens tags, MEANING IT CAN SHOW UP ON MINORS FEED. BRO I DID NOT WANT TO SEE GOOD OMENS MPREG FETISH ART. I DID NOT AND NOW I HAVE TO CUT MYSELF 10X DEEPER CUZ ITS ART I DO NOT LIKE. THE RULE APPLYS FOR ANYONE AND ANYTHING. BUT HOW DUMB CAN THESE FUCKING ADULTS BE... YOU DON'T FUCKING POST FETISH CONTENT USING MAIN TAGS ON FUCKING TUMBLR YOU DAMN IDIOT. TUMBLR BANNED PORN FOR A REASON?!?!? WHY DO YOU HAVE A NSFW TUMBLR ACCOUNT YOU DAMN MONKEY JUST USE FUCKING TWITTER.. AND MAYBE IDK DONT USE THE MAIN TAGS, AND IDK ALSO MAYBE PUT A CW WARNING OR SPOILER THE DAMN IMAGES YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!?!? IVE ALREADY LOST TOO MUCH BLOOD TODAY AND MY HEAD HURTS LIKE A BITCH AND I CAN BARELY FUNCTION. NOW I HAVE TO FUCKING DO IT AGAIN BECAUSE I CANT SIMPLY JUST MOVE ON WITH MY DAMN DAY. FUCK YOU STUPID ARTISTS. I WANNA DIEEEE

[prince-tulip]

Im so terrified. I dont want to get hurt. Its not even been a month and i am so fucking obsessed and invested and i definitely want to be, i know what i feel and do want but its like damn I got hurt so fucking devastatingly bad this year that literally killed me, the levels of despair i cannot feel again, i am not strong enough for that, i barely have made it back to reality and its like as soon as i get the hang of things, things get crazy again and its like everything is exactly how ive always wanted them to be right now and i couldn't be more happy cause i truly know what i feel and when things are at its best, god its so fucking perfect but i feel im not able to talk to anyone yet or be more open about stuff cause i feel like a secret, like ill get casted out again..like i worry i am getting kept in the dark so i dont see or experience something bad, like for example they dont have me on their social media at all and i feel weird and scared about asking or getting on there and getting triggered by something and that maybe im just being used for validation and as a rebound because im so forgiving and easy to talk to or something.. in return its causing me to not know what's really happening, am i what they want? Are they talking to anyone else? Do they think so highly of me like i do them? Do they recognize the way we move together and talk to eachother? Is it as meaningful to them as it is me? Its like i know would lie about where they were or what they wang and their true intentions before, so why wouldn't they lie again? But at the same time thats not fair, cause its like i coukd very well be accused of being shitty too and still actually not be doing anything shitty and its like man..i feel like ive been living a honest and decent life, i maybe do keep to myself a bit much but i just enjoy my company and also not feeling like i have to explain myself caused ik people often times feel they have a say in things when they do not..i dont think bad things are happening behind my back the last two weeks or so and things have been magical and passionate and full of conversations, synchronized behavior, mutual understanding, growth, literally alway being able to meet in the middle on something, the dynamics i adore, we are so different but so much alike and I love it with all my being and im continuesly betting on the good things but that first week and a half idk..things seemed really off at certain moments that maybe hinted at things but again i can get very paranoid and of course cant control someone's actiona..I just dont want to throw awayy boundaries in attempts to please and i feel ive done that already in a lot of ways but by simultaneously finding such new perspectives and found love that was always there just stuck and idk i guess the feeling of trust has become so hard this year. Ever since January and in between i felt very used and thown away and lied to because i was to a degree i guess and even if ive done wrong in the past and yeah did i royally do some stupid fucking idiot type shit but ik it doesn't justify getting hurt back and i had to really come to terms with that. I had let go of that crazy person in me that would stay up two days straight crying and obsessing over what was and what is and whats happening without me, while drunk or high out of my mind constantly and go through the loneliness, the guilt, the shame, the loss all on my own in a small room with literally no one to talk to and forcing myself to come as close to dying as possible and finally move on from everything aweful in my life ever and do my best to block out every single god aweful image or notion in my head that i would get, causing insecurities and paranoia that i didn't know i was capable of...im really trying to make sense of everything cause everything is so fucking touchy right now but still having to push through and communicate and understand and love with all of my heart and vice versa I think wins every time and i feel life has been showing me that

[bemylatentdream]

Letter: You Never Loved Me

As I graduate and think about the past year, i’ve noticed the flags I let sweep under the rug from myself, you, and us. How much of a people pleaser I am, and the self-flagetion I went through when your sorries were just words to say and not actions to change. When I tried my best to change and did change when I did something that hurt you or you didn't like but you never did that for me at all. And how I don’t love myself enough because I allowed you to treat me like garbage even though I thought I wouldn’t allow someone to do that to me again. Even though I allowed you excuse after excuse and trusted your lies even though they didn’t match your actions. How much I have gone back to square one

You would tell me that I'm mysterious. I would run and ask others if that's how they saw me because I didn't want you to see me that way. I didn’t want to be that way to you. I wanted to be open with you. I didn't want you to feel like I was blocking you. I wanted to change that to make you happy. When I didn't get back to you I wanted to quiet down your anxieties I would tell you how much you mean to me, how I dont do it intentionally, how I would make it up to you because I knew how that felt. And I always tried to. And when you opened up about that insecurity I didn’t push you away, I reassured you, and tried my best to do better.

Before you asked me out, you would tell me how people would reject you. You would tell me how you were tired of waiting on when someone would like you. If someone would like you, you would say how you never would get what you want. I felt anxiety at that moment. I felt that it was a primer, that I had to say yes. And looking back I'm proud I said no. I'm proud I didn't people please for that one moment even though unfortunately through the rest of our relationship I did. I didn't want to say yes then no. And honestly, we just met and ive been so closeted for so long I didn't know what to do. Im sorry to myself and you after I talked to that guy and even after clarifying and having a detailed conversation for sending you my body. Images I can’t take back no matter how I wish I could. I'm sorry for retelling you I wasn't interested even though that was true at the time and didn’t want to lead you on. I'm sorry during our friendship when you clearly said you get over people when rejected when I shared when someone else liked me because unlike you I never ever had someone not even in high school and we were supposedly friends.

The one thing I regret about our friendship is communication but it always felt one-sided. I know I tried earlier on but I failed back in January. I was out of character but it doesn’t excuse the pain. But I also failed because you pushed me away. Instead of calling that out I made excuses. It was like you made me feel that you did all of these things but you got nothing in return which was false. Every time you got me something, I made sure you would get something back. When you picked me up I would pay for meals and food. I made sure to send opportunities and help. I validated how you felt with your dad because he's a nimrod and you deserved better. I always made sure to tell you that I don’t want you to only be getting me things. I don’t want you to think that I’m using you and to tell me if you ever feel that way I always said that when I noticed that your feelings were off I made sure to check in and instead you would lie and then moments later sometimes weeks later sometimes months later, you would finally say that something was wrong and make me feel bad about it but I allowed it because I always want to make things right. And my friends saw that you did that too. I knew how you were raised and I wanted to be there as I once thought you were there.

I wish I never allowed you to grab me and kiss me. I wish I never allowed you to finger me. I wish you never went down on me. I wish I never allowed you to stroke my leg in your bedroom. I wish I never touched you. I wish I never allowed you to grab my hand on my birthday and when we went to the movies close to my house. I wish I never cuddled with you or physically comforted you and pushed our friendship boundaries. I such I never sent you my nudes to cheer you up. Because you never cared and saw me as human. You just saw me as an idea.

When you--as you quote-- “ took my first kiss”, you would go off about scenarios about how we would be. How you wanted to be my refuge from all that I had on my plate. How you would have to be the roommate. How since I finally shared with you how I felt, it now felt like this pressure was gone. It now felt like this chase was done and you didn't want to move forward because now that I finally have feelings you wanted to make sure it was there. You made me feel like an object. You made me feel like an idea not a person.

When you kissed me goodbye and said “you may not have me but at least I can say I took your first kiss” you hurt me. A lot. Because I didn't admit feelings when you wanted me to, when I definitely should have communicated more, but you wouldn’t allow the space to do so. When I didn't want to let anyone in like that because it always leads to disappointment. When I had to fish like a fisherman to see if we were okay after these months, and you said you didn’t lie even though you were gonna live like everything was okay until May and it took me forcing communication for you to finally share your motives.

When you would get impatient with me when I wanted to hear from you first even though I just wanted you to know that I care and I didn't see you as second place or as my show. When you said I would leave you for my other friend if bad things happened between you two even though I wouldn't dare ask you that for your roommates or friends. When you made me feel bad that I had to reschedule because I was exhausted with all I had to do and you would make me feel bad and when I did that once during new years eve—which definitely wasn't right—you made me feel like shit. When I said I would make it up and it didn't matter. When you would make me feel crazy and purposely deflect instead of having adult conversations. When I told you I was feeling suicidal and you never checked up on me or anything. I never drove you around because you made me feel anxious and terrible about my driving, even with mistakes I noticed you made.

I can forget and forgive but when someone makes you feel awful to when you communicate and ask in so many different ways what’s wrong, or are honest and all you get is rejection and gaslighting its so hard. When on that Monday I cried and told you what's wrong instead of reassurance or telling the truth about your feelings you say I expect too much from you and nothing you can do is right but then treat me wrongly--something you even admitted!

I just wanted you to like me and feel appreciated and feel validated. That's all I wanted. I just wanted you to know that. I wasn't perfect. Dropping off those books unannounced wasn't good. The cryptic zodiac message from that fake Chicago number wasn't cool. Not saying things on time. Etc.

Asking for space without explaining even though you led me on with that experience in the bedroom before you moved things forward with someone else. It wasn’t wasn't cool even though you do the same and avoid conversation. I shouldn’t have been that person, and I regret that every second of the day. I beat myself up for it everyday. Everyday I'm trying to do better from that. To not do it again. Regardless of what happened to us. Because it wasn't cool regardless of my mental health status. But it feels when I make mistakes I'm a spoiled rotten piece that is terrible away from an idea of aptitude because I'm not a person to you. But when you made mistakes I made sure to recognize who you were. I thought “she's going through this” or “well I did this so she's justified” You say contrary from personal belief you care but you don't because you don't show it. You knew how important my graduation was to me and you say you have work but now you're going to Disney and other events. It shows you never considered me unless if things would turn the way you wanted them to.

You always saw me as an idea and figurement. I was never a person. I was a doll. I was a toy. If you cared, you wouldn't treat me this way. You wouldn't make me feel like shit. You would be there or try to make it up to me. You would do counseling to not only do better for us, your other relationships, but most importantly yourself. But you do none of that. And through the pain you brought me it seems like it does nothing for you and it was okay. It was like that one time you made that victim shaming and misogynistic comment, telling me that if woman would stop taking shit from men they wouldn’t be that way. That women allowing men to act that way is why these problems exist and if women wouldn’t take it they would stop. We aren’t men, especially you aren’t one but I wonder if you were low key sending me a sign about us.

They always say trust people for what they say about themselves. Not the low self-esteem stuff but the stuff about character. You would say how proud you are to be toxic. How you don't need therapy because you're a bad bitch. How you're proud to be the problem. How you would pray for folks downfall. Maybe those are deflections to not get to the root of the problem or maybe because thats what you are. I will never change the good parts of me and in fact you could come asking for help and I would still give that to you because I want you to genuinely do good even though I'm angry. I hate how deep inside I feel like I would give you a chance if you acknowledged all that happened and would do better and try. But I doubt you want that for me because how you treat me shows that you don't value me. If I share my feelings, ask you to share yours, or want to talk about us, you see that as therapyizing even though it's communication which grown adults do. I don't want someone who will use space as a weapon to not address the truth, and work through a friendship or potential relationship.

You say everything had to be my way, but I was always trying to do things for you and to go to your things but couldn’t because you wouldn't invite me to it or wouldn’t allow me to help unless i once again fished or try to come through. You would say things were my choice even though I begged you for you to have an opinion because I cared for how you felt. I always paid attention to the things you liked and love even though you barely did that for me. When i invited you to an event that I knew you would love and you agreed to go with me, you invited everyone else. And only invited me because everyone abandoned you. When I gave you things you wanted you would pull me in and then spit me out like it was nothing from material gifts to letters to words of affection/affirmations. And when i went to emo night even though I felt like shit you shamed me for not being as excited and said how since I'm an introvert I'm not meant to do those things with you and you wonder why I ask for reassurance. You wonder why I ask are you sure. But to you I’m asking for too much. I ask for too much.

I don’t want to be cold with someone else. I don’t want to treat someone how you treat me. I don’t want to yell at someone because they ask for something from the store and get yelled at because they had a bad day or long day at work. I don’t want to be insensitive to someone’s family dynamics and shame them for it even though they’re trying to break free and it’s hard. I don’t want to shame someone for not coming to my place even though they were barely invited. I don’t want to shame someone because they’re trying to break through and their career is the only way to do so.

The worst part is I still feel bad for even saying this. There’s still ideas and pieces of my brain where I say well “you did this” and “you did that”. And you did good things. And not everything is mutually exclusive. I don’t think you intentionally try to do the bad as it excuses everything especially when you never change to try to approve and get better. How I felt like I had to second guess myself and felt like I was going paranoid and that I was crazy and asking for too much. I had to calm down, and not trust my intuition And the notion that I also come to terms that I wasn’t always the greatest and apologies and change of action don’t require forgiveness or respect.

So no you never loved me.

#unsentletter #depression #negativethoughts #latenightthoughts #antihero #villian #friendships #romance #heartbreak #cruelty

[shoyoist]

cw: gn!reader. nsfw, minors do not interact. toxic relationship. he calls you his whore. based off the song mind games by sickick <3

"sweetheart," you'd picked up the phone to have his honeyed voice (instantly recognizable, because the husky edge of his smooth tone has been pressed to your skin too many times for you to ever forget it) coo into your ear. "'m in a little trouble. help me out?"

you should've said no — this time, even ran was expecting you to say no — but after a momentary silence in which you struggled to calm your heart and your breathing, you'd asked, quietly. "what is it?"

you know you shouldn't fall for it, when he calls you sweetheart. he only ever calls you that when he wants something from you. when he wants to use you for something. you should deny him, tell him to fuck off, hang up on him and block this new number that he's calling you from.

but still — his voice cages you; the image of his violet eyes and gentle smile is a toxin your blood is already laced with. you're stupid — in love, in love with him, despite everything. so you only ever let him in, over and over.

so again, you let him in. when he arrives at your door and knocks, all you do is open it for him. and he stands there, pristine suit drenched in thick, drying red.

"fuck, are you alright?" you look up, look at him twice, before you're able to take in the sight — and ran doesn't show it, but he's relieved to see the concern in your hesitant eyes. you still care, he thinks.

and then, he smiles, smelling of bitter blood. "no worries, sweetheart. i'm fine."

"t-then," you blink, stepping back a little, and he takes the chance to slip inside, into your cute little house that could never compare to the pent houses he owns. "what's wrong?"

"finished all my work tonight," haitani ran says smoothly, eyes glowing dull and pretty in the low light. "and so, i wanted someone to help me let off some stress."

taking a seat on your couch, ignoring the way hurt and pique flashes in your eyes, he reaches out and latches his hands around your hips, drags you in and pulls you into his lap.

you go limp as soon as he touches you — it's like he's sedating you, making your vision go hazy and tuning your body into rhythm with his — and you end up straddling him, grinding against his clothed cock and eating up his softly hummed praises of so good for me, and you never learn, do you? always here to please me, no matter how many times i leave.

whore, he whispers into your skin, the same way he'd whispered in your ear a while ago when you answered his call. my pretty little whore.

you take it, take everything he gives you, and he's glad — because if you ended up shutting him down and cutting him off for good, he wouldn't know what to do.

landing a kiss on your lips, he eats up the moan you let out when he moves his hips up and meets your movements, the friction delicious to both you and him — and while you're closing your eyes and falling apart in his arms, he thinks, if you one day turned him down, he'd have no where to go.

you dont know it, because he treats you like shit, like a personal playtoy and discards you right after he's done having fun with you — but you might just be the best thing he's ever had.

snaking long, firm fingers around your waist, he shifts you closer, presses your body to his as he leans back on your couch and takes in your warmth. you dont chase him — you're not obsessed, and in fact, you're trying to run from him, so it's easy to hide you from any potential danger that might come across you due to the fact that he's fucking you.

you run, but you stop when he tells you to. you hide, but you come out when he calls you. you push him away, but only till he pulls you back in. you're beautiful, and you make him feel good.

you're everything he wants and everything he needs — and really, being truthful to himself, he might love you.

you dont know that, though, and he relishes in the feeling — grins wider as you finally relent to his teasing, parting your pretty lips and asking him to give you his cock.

he'd rather have things this way, for the easy game of back and forth, to revel in the feeling that despite how badly you want to leave him, you're attached to him.

for the fact that this way, you're safe. within his reach, for whenever he needs you — but also far away enough. safe.

as he unzips his pants and pulls out his cock for you to sit on, he smiles at your upset (but still needy, beautifully needy) expression, because you dont know, and he'll never let you know, but he loves you.

loves the way you run, only to return, and loves the way you can't live without him as much as he can't live without you, no matter how many times you try to stop this for good.

he knows you hope, even tonight, that he'll carry you to bed. and that you hope he'll stay, still be in your bed, asleep beside you when you wake up tomorrow. he knows that you know it's only a dream.

and as you sink down on his cock and let out a moan that slips out despite the way you try to hold it back, try to hold back how good he makes you feel — his smile only stretches wider.

because what you dont know, is that this is his way of loving you. "open up faster next time i knock, mhm?"

[buckys-black-dress]

see through

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚　　˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

a/n: i dont have much to say other than that it's 1 am and i needed to get this out of my system. chapter 4 of play the game is underway, i promise. also, there will be a pov switch in this fic!

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. = POV change!

wc: 4.1k words

[ neighbor!bucky barnes x fem!reader ]

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚　　˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

-

Every Friday night, without fail, you saw the light filter into your apartment.

Notice how you said night?

Yeah, it was almost two in the morning, by the way.

And why was there light coming through the chiffon curtains you had hanging on the rod above your window?

(Great choice on your part, by the way.)

Well, because of your neighbor.

You've seen him a few times, actually. Usually on the street outside your buildings, or just out and about. Never spoke to him, though. He was quiet, kept to himself. Didn't seem very friendly or willing to exchange a greeting if he ever saw you.

But you never took it personally. Maybe he was having a bad day. Every time you saw him.

But that's besides the point. The point right now is that you can see the lights blaring in your room. From the apartment across from yours.

Should it even be possible for light to travel that far? I mean, we don't even live in the same building. You think to yourself as you watch the colors dance in the dark.

You debate getting up and yelling out your window to tell him to shut that shit off or to invest in some blackout curtains. You were tired of sacrificing your sleep every week.

But then you decided against it, because you quite frankly could not be bothered to get up from the warmth of your bed. You'd tough it out for the night, but the next time you saw him, you'd have a few words for him.

-

The next morning, it was almost ten when you woke up. You didn't have your shift at the coffee shop you worked at until three, so you took your time in making your way out of bed.

You noticed the curtains of your neighbor's apartment were still open, but you could see his figure moving across the room. He was clearly on the phone with someone, and he didn't look too happy. You wondered what could have him so angry at such an early time of the morning. He seemed like a person who could use someone to talk to, someone who he could vent to.

But before you let your thoughts get ahead of you, you turn away from the window, heading back into your kitchen to eat breakfast and get ready for the long day ahead of you.

-

"Hi, what can I get started for you today?" You ask as brightly as you can muster at the moment. You were halfway through your shift, another three hours until close.

"Uh, just a large black coffee." The gruff voice says, and it takes you a second until you look up and look closely.

It was him.

"O-okay, that'll be $3.27." You say, and he hands you a five dollar note before grumbling,

"Keep the change."

"Thanks, and your name?"

He gives you a look that's asking, 'what the fuck do you need my name for?'

"For the order." You try and salvage your dignity, because it feels like the stare shrunk you to a speck of dust.

"James."

That's all he all but growls before turning back to find a seat.

As your coworker takes over the cash register, you grab the biggest cup and fill it with his desired coffee.

You try to not think about it too much, but the anxiety you feel rising up inside you and just calling his name to give him his coffee feels absolutely ridiculous.

"Are you just gonna stare at the cup or give it to the customer?" The voice of your coworker, Jenna, rings in your ears and you look up at her, snapping out of the trance you were in.

"Sorry, I'm just a little out of it today, I guess."

"Everything alright?" She asks, and you nod.

"I'm fine, it's just... that's my neighbor." You nod your head towards where James is sat, in the corner by the window as he watches the raindrops run down the expanse of the glass.

"The one who doesn't let you sleep?"

"Yeah, but I don't think he'd take it too kindly if I tell him about that. He seems to have a lot on his own plate anyways," You explain, and she just nods.

"Well, that sucks, but you still need ta' give the guy his coffee." Jenna smiles and walks back to what she was doing before.

You gently slide out from your spot behind the counter and walk to his table.

"Here's your coffee, James. Enjoy, and- uh, let me know if you'd like anything else." You tell him while placing the steaming cup in front of him.

He murmurs a thank you that you barely catch, but you don't quite have the time to sit and wait for more of a reaction.

For the next several hours, James sits right where he was. He doesn't do anything in particular, either. He just watches outside, as the rain continues to pelt down on New York City, and as people come and go from where they were.

Eventually, about an hour left until close, you offer another cup of coffee.

"Do you want a refill? On the house." You ask gently, waiting to see if you'll get brushed off again.

"Uh... are you allowed to do stuff like that?" He asks, and you're a bit taken aback at the sudden concern.

"I don't think you should worry yourself too much, James. Free coffee's free coffee." You smile lightly, and grab the cup before filling it up without his confirmation. You could tell he wanted to say yes but didn't want to seem rude.

"You didn't have to..." He grumbles, and you simply shake your head.

"I know, but you've been here a while, and what kind of employee would I be if I let a customer sit here without any sustenance?" Your lips ply into a tiny smirk, trying to get him to loosen up a bit.

He seems so guarded, defensive. Like any moment, he's ready to run if need be, you inspect to yourself.

"You'd just be a regular employee, Y/N." He says, but the way he says your name makes a shiver run down your spine; and you can't tell if it's a good or bad one.

You unconsciously look down at your name tag, pinned to your black apron that's branded with the café's logo.

"Well, I felt like being nice. I hope you can deal." Your voice comes out short, but he knows you mean no harm.

As you walk back to the counter, you see a small smile playing on his lips, but he doesn't allow it to manifest on his face. You take that as a small victory for your last hour of work.

(bucky's pov).・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

The girl who works at this café is annoying.

But she's got a nice smile. And she's nice to me, Bucky thinks to himself.

He sips on the new coffee you'd just poured for him, without his consent, he thinks bitterly.

But it was a nice gesture.

Why can't you just take a nice gesture?

Because your brain's been scrambled eggs for 70 years. You don't know what to think about anything these days.

He watches you fiddle with the espresso maker, cleaning it with a rag, which you then dip into a bucket.

You look extremely familiar to him, but he can't exactly pin where he's seen you before.

Bucky closes his eyes for a moment, trying to recall where he'd seen you, but for a moment, he comes up with nothing.

Ever since he's been living back in the real world, he hasn't been outside too much.

He goes on the occasional walk, or goes to the tower to see Steve and Sam.

But other than that, he spends a lot of time in his Brooklyn apartment. He watches movies that Steve suggests, or he invites Steve and Sam over to have beer and watch TV with him.

He hates how lonely it gets, though.

Bucky wishes that he had someone.

Someone who could understand.

And don't get him wrong, he loves Sam and Steve. They fill in the gaps in his days, and they make them better.

Sometimes, thinking about having something to do that day is what makes it. He likes having something to do, something to plan for for when his friends come over.

But it feels like a teeny, tiny part of his life is missing. A person shaped-hole in his heart.

But Bucky doesn't spend too long thinking about it, or it'll send him into a spiral about failure and how he needs to 'push himself to get out there more.'

Or that's what his therapist says.

"Hey, we're about to close, and we usually throw the pastries out at the end of the day. Do you wanna take these home, by any chance?" Your voice rings in his ears, snapping him out of the impending slippery slope of his lack of love life.

He hesitates to answer for a second, looking at the brown paper bag pinched between your fingers.

Bucky can tell you were nervous when you spoke to him. He knew he made you uneasy, and it killed him inside.

He hated that. He just wanted to have a normal conversation with someone. But everyone seems to know who he is.

Who he was.

"Uh, what is it?" He croaks, unsure of what to say at your gesture.

"It's a few cookies and a chocolate croissant."

"Sure, I'll take 'em." Bucky simply answers, watching as you hand the bag over with a soft smile and watches you walk back.

You sweep up the floor and put up all the chairs, except for the one Bucky's sitting on. You leave his table alone, and bid farewell to your coworker who was scheduled to close with you.

Bucky doesn't know what drives him to do it, but he gets up after he sees you walk out the door, and follows you home.

Damn, if you like a girl, you usually ask for her number or somethin'. Not follow her home to make sure she's safe, you idiot. Bucky's inner voice speaks and sometimes, he wishes it would just shut up because he knows he has no game nowadays, but this is all he knows to do.

He realizes the way you're walking is familiar, and not at all of the way he was supposed to be going. That made him feel a little better, less like a creep. He's about half a block behind you, and when you turn onto the same street he lives on, he's really confused.

Did you know he was behind you? Are you trying to play a trick on him?

But before Bucky can speak up or say something, you walk right past his building, and into the one right next to it.

All of a sudden, images of you right on the street in front of your buildings flash through his head. He's seen you because you're his neighbor. Bucky's seen you right there, getting ready to start your run through the neighborhood, or probably on your way to work, now that he's seen where you work.

But he feels like there's somewhere else he's seen you; somewhere familiar.

He shakes his head, wondering why he's so caught up in you. He thought you were beautiful, but he feels a pull to you that he's never felt with anyone else before.

Bucky's hands move to unlock his door, sliding the key in and twisting the lock open.

He enters, staring at his dark apartment. It's moments like this, when he spends a long day alone, that he wishes there was someone.

Someone to come home to, to hug, to kiss, to share dinner with.

Some to fall asleep with at night. Someone to keep the terrors of the dark away.

But there was no one.

And then his mind thought back to you. Your hair, your face, your warm hands that touched his while you passed him the brown paper bag of treats.

Bucky wishes he was man enough to ask you out. Not even that, just to talk to you. Have a normal conversation, to get to know you.

But that wasn't in the cards for him anytime soon, he thinks.

For now, he focuses on taking things one at a time. And right now, all he wanted was a nice, warm shower and to get at least three hours of sleep tonight.

He's in his room, forgoing the lights for now, before he looks out his window.

For a moment, he believes his eyes are playing tricks on him.

There's absolutely no way that you are standing right there, right outside his window.

Well, in your own apartment, of course.

And there's absolutely no way in hell that Bucky is watching you undress right now.

As soon as you pull off your top, Bucky turns around before he could get more than a peek of your black lace bra, and he feels a burn in the pit of his stomach.

He can't tell if it's shame, guilt, or arousal.

(y/n's pov).・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

You couldn't stop thinking about James all day.

After yesterday, you wondered why you couldn't shake this feeling about him.

He'd made it quite clear that he's not a people person. Or maybe he just wasn't a you person.

But again, you tried to not take things too personally these days.

Sometimes, you wondered, though, as you looked through your bedroom window to his some nights.

You imagined what it would be like, watching one of those movies with him at night. Making dinner with him. Having coffee in the mornings before work, wondering what he did for a living.

You chastise yourself for your thoughts, thinking that you were crazy for these ideas you were coming up with out of nowhere.

As you pull off your clothes to get ready for bed, you feel the same emptiness fill your heart when your head hits the pillow, and another day has gone by where you're all alone.

-

The next day, your shift was at ten in the morning so you were up early.

You took your time in rolling out of bed. The warmth of your duvet was holding you down, and you couldn't help take a peek out your window.

You see that the room facing yours is finally housing a body in the bed. In all the time you'd been living across him, you've only seen him on the floor.

You feel a warm flutter at that. Whatever reason led him to actually sleep in the bed last night was, you hope you played a role in it.

-

You make your way to the café, and although walking in the rain wasn't ideal, you made it, somehow.

You clock in and head to the register, ready to take the millions of orders that come in through the day.

"Hi- oh! Welcome back. What can I get you?" Your tone of voice made it clear you were surprised, but was trying to not let it show.

"Uhm, just the same as yesterday, and... Can I get a chocolate croissant?" Bucky's gruff voice tells you.

You ring him up, wondering if you should say something about him being your neighbor. Although, he didn't seem too keen on looking you in the eye right now, and you wonder if you did something to make him uncomfortable yet again.

He seems to have this issue quite often.

Little do you know, this time, it isn't because of you or anything you did.

Well, nothing you did on purpose.

Nothing you were aware of at the time.

Anyways, you tell James to go take a seat and that you'd be right out with his order.

"Here you go, James," you place the plate and mug on the table, and this time, when you hear him say something, you turn around with furrowed brows.

"Sorry, I didn't catch what you said." You apologize, waiting for him to repeat himself.

"I- nevermind, it was stupid anyways. You probably have to get back to work." He mumbles while looking back down at his pastry.

"James, whatever it is, you can tell me." You offer with a kind smile. "I can come sit with you during my break, if you don't mind?" A hopeful smile crosses your face.

"Uh, I- yes, yeah, that would be nice." He struggles for a moment, but finally nods his head in confirmation along with his words.

"Alright, James. I get off in an hour for my break." You simply tell him with a soft grin, and you can practically feel his eyes burning into you as you walk away.

The blush creeping up your cheeks also stays there until the remainder of your shift.

-

As you plop in the chair across from James, you inspect him for a moment.

He was attractive, you'll admit.

Okay, he was more than attractive.

"So, James, where are you from?" You ask, your own cup of coffee in front of you on the table.

"Well, I'm Brooklyn born 'nd raised. Never was a time I didn't live here. You?" His lip twitches, looking out the window fondly.

"That's nice. I moved here when I was nine, so I guess I've been here a while. But no matter where I go, there's nowhere like home." You smile.

"There really isn't, huh? This place is irreplaceable." He gives you a crack of another smile, and you find yourself yearning for more from him. Just a tooth, something.

"Well, do you live around here?" You ask, deciding to play coy. You wanted to see what he'd say.

"Uh, yeah, actually. Over on DeKalb and Clinton." He clears his throat, the hint of a smile on his face melting right off.

"Huh, that's so funny. I live on those streets too." You grin, waiting to see his reaction.

"O-Oh really?" James doesn't really know what to say without giving away that he knows where you fucking live.

"Yeah, isn't that funny? Which building?" You're pressing, and you know he knows, but you're having your fun right now.

"T-the uhm... I live in the Washington." He's now making zero eye contact with you, and you're close to breaking.

"What a coincidence! I live in the Oakley!" You're in a fit of giggles when his face drops, you just can't help it anymore.

"James, can I tell you something?" You ask in a coquettish manner.

"Yeah, I suppose you'll tell me even if I say no." He gives a tight smile as a joke.

"I don't wanna sound like a creep, but I knew you lived in the Washington."

"Oh," James releases a breath of relief, "thank God. I knew you lived in the Oakley, but I didn't wanna sound like a stalker either." He says.

You laugh, sliding a hand on top of his resting on the table.

"Y'know, you do this really annoying thing where you leave your movies running on full brightness on your TV, and I can see it through my windows at night." You laugh at the incredulity of the situation.

"Oh... I never even thought of that. I'm sorry, Y/N." He looks genuinely remorseful, and now you feel bad for any bad thought you've had about the man that lives across from you.

"It's alright. No big deal." Your smile does a good job of convincing Bucky that you truly weren't bothered by his actions, but he still felt bad.

"Y'know, maybe I could make it up to you?" He asks, and you feel a blush moving up your chest. "Like, maybe over dinner?" His voice is timid, you can tell by the way he tilts his head down while speaking.

"James," you slide your hand into his this time, your smaller one resting in his large metal one. "I'd love to go out with you sometime."

Before he could react, you stood up from the chair.

"My break's over, but I get off at 3." You lean down and pull a pen from your apron, scribbling your number onto a napkin. "Here."

You walk away before he could say anything, but there's something about him this time that you notice.

He's blushing, too. And he's smiling. A bright, white, blinding smile.

You think of that smile throughout your whole shift, until you see he's still waiting for you when it's time to go.

"So, do you like Chinese or Italian better?" He asks with a crooked smile.

-

bonus scene:

six months later

You and Bucky are laid across your bed, the TV blaring a movie that neither of you are paying attention to. Your head is resting on his shoulder, leg thrown over both of his, and his hand running through your hair.

"You wanna know somethin' doll?" Bucky asks, and you feel his chest rumble under your head.

"Yeah, everything okay?" You ask while leaning up on your elbow to get a good look at him, trying to gauge his mood.

"Everything's okay, just remembered something." He laughs, his hand moving to hold your jaw in it. You shivered at the touch, but smiled fondly at the action.

"When I first saw you at the coffee shop, that first day when you gave the free coffee and pastries... I followed you home."

Your brows furrow and it's clear that you were confused as to why.

"I wanted to make sure you got home safe, and then it turned out that you lived right next to me. So I went up to my apartment and wondered what I'd done right in a past life to have you live right next to me, and then I saw you lived right across from me." His face was tipped upwards, like he was replaying that night in his head.

"You followed me home just to make sure I was safe?" You asked in disbelief that he did something so nice for you, when at the time you thought he hated you.

"Of course, sweetheart. It was dark out and there 're some real jerks out there, y'know." One corner of his mouth lifts up in a soft smirk. "Didn't want anything to happen to ya."

You lean down and press a kiss to the corner of his mouth, appreciating his gesture.

"I really thought you didn't like me back then, so this is a nice little secret you've been hiding from me." You giggle when he pulls you back in for a real kiss.

"Yeah, well, I don't think I could'a hated you if I tried, baby. You're too sweet. And at the time, I was still getting used to being out in the open without being a national security threat." You both laugh lightly, dropping your head down.

A moment passes where you bask in his words, letting them soak in. And then a thought hits you, and you can't help but become more curious. Now you need to know the answer.

"Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, hon." Now Bucky's brows are pulled together, and you reach up and smooth out the wrinkle with your thumb.

"Did you ever... see me doing anything in here? Like, I usually keep the curtains open, and even if they're closed, they're pretty see-through..." You trail off, giving him time to craft his response.

You have a feeling you know the answer, considering how he turns red like a tomato in an instant as words leave your lips.

"I... there was this one time, but I swear, I wasn't trying to peep on you or anything, it was the same day I followed you and I just so happened to look into your window, and you were getting undressed, but I swear, I turned away as soon as I saw what you were doing, baby-" He was rambling, trying to save himself from sounding like a complete creep after all he's just told you.

"Did you like it?" You ask, innocently, but he knew what you were trying to do.

"I-I- You were getting undressed, sweetheart, of course I liked it... are you kidding me?" Bucky's grasping for the words, trying to make you understand.

"Well... we could always recreate it, but maybe in the same apartment this time?" You cock your head to the side, your doe eyes stirring a feeling in his abdomen.

"I think that's an excellent idea, honey." Bucky's hands grasp your waist as you slide on top of his lap. "After all, I am a hands on learner."

-

fin. i hope you enjoyed!