#Holy crab... I didn't know

[lwoorl]

Did you have a nice nap?

[sodiren]

please oh please give this a listen it's really nice

[gaogaigoatgrrl]

i hope that in the wake of predstrogen/predesterone's back-to-back deletion we don't forget about the ongoing building wave of seemingly organic transmisogyny from the userbase leading up to it, some of which may or may not have been the result of terf psyops but all of which certainly wouldn't have been possible without the eager participation of a significant proportion of users, including but probably not limited to:

the entire concept of transandrophobia (if this offends you, think long and hard about why you want so badly for it to be real)

the ongoing backlash against the terms tme and tma (if they offend you, think long and hard about why they might have practical value to trans women and people with similar social positionality)

the ongoing trend of trans women's blogs getting flagged on the flimsiest of pretenses and generally receiving far more scrutiny for "adult content" than anyone else's

the seeming unironic revival of "baeddel" as a slur for outspoken trans women, on the basis of a long-dead clique that, ironically enough, self-applied the long-dead (and tbf, etymologically questionable) slur from the middle ages to reclaim it

the entire "trans women should be fucking trans men instead of complaining about transmisogyny" genre of post

the backlash when tgirls finally started calling out the aforementioned bullshit

the copypasted anons sent to several trans women (many of whom were lesbians) sexually harassing them and threatening corrective rape for calling out the aforementioned bullshit

the backlash when tgirls called the aforementioned bullshit sexual harassment

the expansion of flexible queer label use (which to be clear, i am generally all for) to include "afab trans women", muddying the waters and making transmisogyny harder to articulate

the backlash when tgirls started calling out the aforementioned bullshit

the aita incident in which a trans woman described a cis woman claiming to be a trans woman in a group chat and giving other trans women terrible medical advice based on no actual qualifications or experience, and got a huge backlash for warning them about the aforementioned bullshit despite the stakes of, you know, following terrible medical advice

everything from the sixth point onward happened within the past... week? two weeks? my sense of time is a bit fuzzy. who knows what the rest of this week has in store?

people on this website are so incredibly hostile to trans women even being able to name our own oppression, let alone resist it in any concrete way. and i know it's not just this website. don't you get tired of the crab bucket bullshit? holy fucking shit.

like, i've been lucky, i've overwhelmingly managed to dodge it (probably on account of frankly being a pretty boring and inconsistent poster). this time last year, i was actually bored that i didn't have anons in my inbox to argue with. but i've seen it happen to so many other women now, it's absurd. even if it never hits you personally, you can never shake the awareness that it's happening to so many of the cool girls on here, people you like and whose posts you laugh at and who you look up to. they just kinda seem to drop like flies over time. don't you get tired?

[sanguineterrain]

THE PT2 OF REPORTER! READER AND JASON OH.MY.GOD I LOVEEEED IT could you pleaaase do a pt3? 🙏 i need them to kiss already 😩 maybe someone from the batfam or even roy go to jason's house and be like ??????who are you????? to reader please💕 i love your writing, i hope you have a nice day💖

here it is! hope y'all enjoy :) part 1 | part 2

jason todd x gn!reporter!reader. tw: gunshot wounds, injured jason, nightwing cameo, patching up, kissing. almost 2.2k

****

You're being a snoop.

In your defense, you're a reporter with too much time on your hands in the Red Hood's apartment. It's impossible not to snoop.

It's also been four days since you moved in. You kind of feel like a crazy ex, hunting for proof that Hood's cheating on you.

So far, you've found nothing except for a worrying amount of hidden firearms. There's a handgun in the toaster. What the hell.

You've been trying to work on the case, but it's hard to investigate when you're in witness protection. Hood is out right now chasing a lead. He had said not to worry about it, but how can you not? How can you not worry about him?

You glance at the clock. 9:24. Hood was supposed to be home half an hour ago. He said he was chasing a lead. You didn't want him to go alone, but you're also pretty shit at avoiding assassins, so.

You've ordered Chinese food from the select list of restaurants Hood said you can order from. He left a wad of cash for you to use. When you paid, you had a moment's pause.

Is the Red Hood your sugar vigilante?

Hm. Not something you're willing to explore right now.

You chew a nail and pick at a crab rangoon. Hood miraculously (or, maybe not so much, considering his stalker tendencies) chose your favorite Chinese restaurant. Usually, you'd have gobbled up your dinner by now. But you can't stop looking at the clock.

The floorboards in the hall creak. You're up instantly, and you go to the door. You wait for Hood's confirmation text that it's him outside. It doesn't come.

There's hushed voices. You run back to the toaster and grab the gun. You have no idea how to use it, but it can't be that hard, right? Point and shoot?

The door opens. You aim the gun. Right in Nightwing's face.

"Whoa," he says, lifting his free arm. His other holds up Hood, who's bleeding from his shoulder and thigh. Holy fuck.

"Safety's on, smarty," Hood slurs, more than a little out of it. "We gotta fix y'posture."

"Oh my God," you say, dropping the gun and racing to help Hood.

Nightwing takes a step back. Hood grunts as he's dragged along.

"Uh, who are you?" Nightwing asks.

"Gotham Gazette," you say on instinct.

"They're w'me," Hood mumbles. "Pu' me down, Wing."

"Why do you have a civilian in your apartment?" Nightwing asks, helping Hood onto the couch.

You run into your bedroom and return with two pillows to support Hood's head.

"You got shot?" you ask, voice going high. "What the actual fuck, Red?!"

"Hood, why do you have a civilian in your apartment?"

Hood groans. "Can we save questions for th'end?"

"Jesus," Nightwing says. "You're ridiculous."

"That's what I said," you grumble, removing Hood's equipment.

"Great. There's two 'f ya. This is why I didn't wanna come here," Hood says. "My reporter gets nervous, Dickface."

"You coming home shot would make any reasonable person nervous, you jerk," you say, scowling.

You peel back Hood's jacket. His undershirt is sticky with blood and singed skin. Gunshot.

"Oh my God," you whisper. "God, Red, what did you—"

"Wing's got it, sweet," Hood says. "Go on, y'don't gotta see this. 'S gross, I know."

"I'm not going anywhere," you say firmly. You look at Nightwing. "Do you have a problem with me being here?"

"Well, a civilian shouldn't—"

"Good. What do you need from me?"

"Go have a cup'a tea," Hood says.

You glare. "I wasn't talking to you, Helmet Boy."

"Ever hear'a bedside manner?"

"No. Hence why I'm a reporter."

Hood slumps against the couch. That worries you more—if he doesn't have the energy to fight back, his injuries must be bad.

Anxiously, you look at Nightwing. He presses his lips together and then makes a decision.

"Okay. I need hot water and the first aid kit under the microwave."

You nod. "Got it."

You fetch his requests and return. Nightwing gets to work on Hood's thigh first. You hover, finally settling near Hood's head. He's in his undershirt, his tactical pants, and his boots. You touch the side of his helmet. He turns his head to you.

"Didn't I tell ya t'beat it?" he asks.

"Can't get rid of me that easily." You look at Nightwing. "Is it bad?"

"His thigh isn't bad. Bullet missed anything major and went clean through. I'm just patching him up. Gave him some painkillers. Gonna be a bit before they kick in."

You watch Nightwing pull a needle through Hood's skin for half a second before you turn away. Hood grunts.

"Don't gotta stay," he says quietly. "Lotta blood."

"You're hurt," you say. You don't know what else to say, how to put your urgency into words. Physically, you can't leave Hood's side.

"'M tough," he mumbles. "Toughest guy on the block."

"Dumbest too," Nightwing says, cutting the thread.

"Look who's talkin'."

Their dynamic is odd. Not what you expected, considering how empty the outside of Hood's fridge is. You couldn't find any other photos of friends or family.

"Alright." Nightwing sighs and shifts over. "Now the shoulder. Hood, did it go through?"

"'Fraid not, Blue. Gonna hafta deep dive."

You make a weak noise in your throat. Nightwing pinches Hood's side. Hood winces.

"No, no. I was jokin'. Stupid joke. Sorry."

"I should've never let you go out alone," you say.

"Let me? 'M a stubborn man. Even the Bat can't make me do shit."

"Understatement of the century," Nightwing says, studying the wounds. "You're gonna need to take off your helmet for this one."

They both look at you. You puff up.

"I'm not—"

"Look," Nightwing says gently. "I know you're—"

"Blindfold! You can blindfold me." You get up and look around. "What can we use for a..."

"I think I have a black tie in the top middle drawer," Hood says.

You race to his room and race back with the tie. It smells like the same lavender detergent as your sheets. Nightwing and Hood are whispering when you return; they stop talking as soon as you enter. You pretend not to notice.

"'Kay. Nightwing?" You hand him the tie. "Would you like to do the honors?"

"Weirdest patching up I've ever done," Nightwing says.

"I've had weirder," Hood says.

Nightwing ties the tie around your head. "Okay?"

You nod. "Good."

"How many fingers am I holding up?" Hood asks.

You roll your eyes. "I don't know, Red."

"Don' roll ya eyes a'me."

You raise your brows. "How did you—"

"Magic. Do it, Wing."

There's some rustling, a click, and then you can hear Hood's breathing, just like you did a few nights ago.

"This is gonna hurt," Nightwing warns.

Hood hums. "Nothing I can't handle."

The sound of a bullet being dug out of flesh is one you never want to hear again. Hood's strangled groan is a million times worse.

"Almost done, Little Wing," Nightwing whispers. "I'm sorry. Almost done."

"Red?" You inch forward, searching for his hand. He takes it and squeezes.

"'M fi–ine," he says, sounding very much not fine. "Ah, shit. Ha-hate shoulder wounds."

You move closer, cradling his whole arm. Hood grunts. He strokes your knuckles with his thumb.

"'S okay," he says. "'M okay."

His breathing returns to normal after several minutes. You hold his hand the entire time. There's some rustling, and you hear Nightwing stand.

"He'll be okay. He just needs to rest."

"What can I do?" you ask, blindfold still on.

"Well—"

"Nothin'," Hood says. "I'm peachy. Just needa sleep it off."

You whip your head around. "You got shot!"

"Not my first bullet and won't be my last. Here, lemme put on my helmet—"

"Hood, no! My God, you're insane."

"You're realizing this now?" he asks. "'S fine, I can do it—"

"Okay!" Nightwing says loudly. "I'm gonna go. It was nice to meet you. I'm glad Hood has a..."

"Reporter," Hood finishes.

"...Right. A reporter who... cares so much about him. Uh-huh."

It's quiet for a moment. You know they're having a conversation, but you can't see them.

"Don't tell B," Hood says.

Nightwing laughs. "Oh, you're in the shit. A reporter in your apartment and two bullet wounds? You owe me big."

"We're working a case together, and I'm not trying to expose Hood," you say. "I don't even care who you two are."

That is a lie, but whatever. Vigilantes are a paranoid breed. You can relate.

Nightwing sighs. "Alright, okay. I won't say anything. Make sure he doesn't bleed out. If anything changes, call me on his phone."

"I will. Thank you for helping him."

"What I'm here for," Nightwing says, and he sounds like he means it. "Hood?"

"'M fine, Wing. Go home to your girl."

"Ahem. Right. Good night."

The window creaks and then it's just you and Hood. You make yourself comfortable on the floor next to the couch, blindfold still on. You don't mind the dark. Touching Hood, you feel safe.

"Red?"

"Hmm?"

"Oh. Thought you were asleep."

"No, but Wing's lecture had me gettin' there." He squeezes your hand. "Y'okay?"

"Yes."

You lace your fingers together. Hood's hand is cold. You hold it close and try to warm it up.

"Take that off," he says. "I'll put the helmet on."

"Don't be an idiot. You'll jostle your stitches."

"Bossy, bossy..."

You sigh. "Red, whatever you did tonight—"

"Y'know I won't let anything happen to you, right?" he says. "Right?"

"What if you'd died tonight, Hood?"

You eyes are damp. He squeezes your hand again.

"I wouldn't. Not goin' anywhere."

"You have no control over that, and making such promises is outrageous. Why wouldn't you get proper medical attention?" you ask.

"'Cause that requires Batman, and he and I had a tiff."

"A tiff."

"Mmhm."

It sounds like more than that, but you drop it.

"Red, I was so worried."

"Smarty, th' others would take care of ya if anything hap—"

"I was worried about you! I was worried you weren't coming back, Red."

Silence.

"I... I care about you. I mean, yeah, I care about the case, and I wanna bring in the bad guys, but shit, Red. Not at your expense."

He lets go of your hand. Then, a finger dances across your cheek. You gasp.

"Y'really trust me, huh?" he asks quietly.

"Of course." You swallow. "Hood, of course I trust you."

"Shit." A thumb on your lip. "Shit, smarty pie. Why y'trust me so easy?"

His accent is thick with exhaustion. You love it.

"You have a nice voice," you say unthinkingly.

"Goddamnit." He huffs. "You gotta go t'bed, sweetheart."

Your heart pounds. "Why?"

"'Cause otherwise I'm gonna kiss ya. And this whole thing is gonna go t'shit. And you're my favorite reporter."

You lean in. "Red—"

"No." He catches your cheek with his hand. "Bad reporter. Breech a' ethics."

"I'll let you," you say. "Do it, I won't stop you."

"This is the adrenaline talkin'. You were scared, that's why."

You shake your head. You've never been more sure of anything. But you have to make sure that he's sure.

You grab his wrist. "Are you thinking clearly? Are you high?"

"Wing gave me one painkiller, sweet. Takes at least three t'knock me out."

And that weighs you down for a moment, remembering that Hood isn't what you thought he was. He isn't a villain. He's a man who's known unfathomable amounts of pain. He's a man who's killed men. Who'd kill for you.

A man made of flesh and blood and scars and dark curls and a warm, warm neck and... and...

"Shit," Hood says.

And then he kisses you. For a second. Then he pulls back.

"Sorry," he whispers against your mouth. "Sorry, I—"

"No."

You pull him back, cupping the back of his neck. He makes a tiny noise. You start to speak, to worry, but Hood keeps you still with a hand on your arm.

His mouth is hot, a little uncoordinated, but sweet all the same. You're careful to follow his lead. His lips are chapped. He has a little scruff; you stroke his face. It suits him. Anything would.

You cannot turn away from this. From him. That is certain.

You pull away for breath and so you don't undo Nightwing's hard work. You listen to Hood's harsh breathing, pleased that you're the reason for it.

"Wait," he says. "Wait, l-lemme—"

Hood starts to pull off your blindfold. You grab it instantly.

"Red, no. Don't show me just because we kissed."

"But y'don't-don't even know what I look like. How d'you know I'm somebody y'wanna kiss?"

"Because I do. And I will kiss you in the dark for as long as you want me to. Don't do it just because you're afraid of losing me otherwise."

He draws circles on your cheek with his thumb. "Trusting me like that 's crazier than anything I've done, smarty."

"Well, don't we make quite the pair?"

"What, crazy?"

You smile. "I was thinking brave. But it is a fine line."

[bettyfrommars]

hi loves

a wee announcement/bit of reflection below the cut

nothing heavy, just some thoughts & updates

First of all, I want to say I love this fandom so much. Truly I do. It has carried me though possibly the hardest, loneliest year of my life (and this ol' girl has been though some dark times). I've made friendships here that I hope to cherish for the rest of my life.

I came into fanfiction in October of last year, after not writing anything substantial for almost a decade. My dear friend at the time said she was looking for a specific Eddie Munson story, so I wrote it for her. I wrote it in first person because I didn't even understand how "reader perspective" was a thing, that's how wet behind the ears I was to this world. My friend, on the other hand, is a well-versed fic reader, and I distinctly remember messaging her like, "okay, what the hell is a Y/N??"

I spent that entire dark, cold winter writing and passing it to her in parts like notes in a classroom. The rush of getting back to something I loved so deeply after so much time away turned me into a monster. I lived and breathed that story. We sent endless messages back and forth every day about what each character would do next, imagining ourselves in that world, with Eddie. We made playlists, we cried. We screamed and giggled and kicked our feet when they finally kissed. We mourned the loss when it ended and moped around a bit before going back to read it all over again. Some 40k words and four months later I realized, holy shit, I think I write fanfiction now?

In a way, fanfiction saved my life. It brought me back to a part of myself I had buried, a part of me that worried it might never see the light of day again. It came crawling out of the ground, gasping for air like, "you better stretch your fingers bitch because I have a lot to say."

In April, I started posting here when the fandom was notably beginning to wane, but I was happy to see there were so many still going hard for our man. I kinda creeped in, like a little scuttling crab, and was grateful to find that a handful of you embraced me.

Long story short, I am NOT leaving, not at all. I know the tone is there, but that is not what this is, lmao. I will hopefully keep this blog for as long as you will have me. I plan to finish writing I'm on Fire and Death Becomes Us, as well as maybe another bit for gargoyle!Eddie, and nightmare!Eddie, but the other series I've started (or planned to start) will stay on hiatus for a while, possibly forever. I will continue to post blurbs and hc's and whatnot, but I won't be committing to any new series or long fics.

My masterlists will remain intact for the time being for those who want to enjoy what is there. That being said, The Nightmare Factory and Stop the World and Melt with You, might be taken down in the future only because I plan to re-work them into original stories. I have a second non-fandom blog in the works that is dedicated to monsters, nightmares, and magic realism, and I will let those who are interested know about it when the time comes.

Mostly, I wanted to let you know that, even if you notice some changes, I will continue to persist with "My 2 Joe's" delulu era, possibly until the earth swallows me up. I am no longer taking requests, but my asks will always be open for thots, blurbs, obsessions, etc. You know how much I love hearing from you.

That's all really. Perhaps this is simply one of those "end of year" thought dumps, but I also wanted to say a heartfelt Thank You to those who continue to support me, enjoy my work, and share it. My Ride or Die monsterfuckers and biker Eddie enthusiasts. My nightmare Eddie dreamers, my Twilight Zone Eddie pineapple heads. My gargoyle Eddie romantics who cheer on our Stone Boy, and my Hybrid Steve lovers who leave their windows open at night. My True Blood friends who appreciate a vampire Eddie who is nothing like Bill Compton. My darlings, my fellow rebel rousers and misfits, my friends.

This is a very symbiotic relationship, and I could not/would not do this without you ❤️

[silversmoke-20]

Yandere Ruby Gillman

Contents: Alternative Universe, Reader, Gender neutral, cringe, dark content, yandere motives.

AU: Bloody Lagoon is a au where: Ruby only lived in her kingdom.

You met Ruby when you got looped into a terrible storm during one of your fishing expeditions

Poor baby got her hand stuck in one of your crab nets cause she wanted a free meal.

Thankfully a few bandages and a couple of salmon helped this colossal beast back into her usual happy self.

Now you should be panicking, but you couldn't stop laughing at how curious ruby is towards your floating vessel.

She was slightly bumping her head and curiously watching it sway. Even licking it.

"It's a boat sweetie, it's not food." You explained and she stares at you before smiling. "It tastes like stalagmite." She pointed out and you couldn't stop yourself from trying to pinch her squishy cheeks.

Now whenever you go on fishing expeditions, you would always meet up with Ruby, so she can help you with your job.

She was smart and pretty much insanely intelligent for someone who can't speak human dialect well.

She would oftentimes try and keep you out in the ocean for long times. Using her cuteness to advantage.

Now you were also going to be a highschool graduate and going to ask your skater-boy crush connor to a date.

Ruby didn't like that one bit and mumbled something along the lines with, "A potential rival". You heard something different.

Now you also met Ruby's family.... referring to her grandmother and her mother. That was a terrifying experience.

The two just slowly rose from the waters and just towered over you and your boat.

Thankfully ruby was nearby talking to a mermaid with mediocre red hair and saved your life.

Holy shit, Ruby's mom tried to destroy your ship over some misunderstanding. Apparently someone was dropping dangerous fishing equipment and double checking that you aren't the culprit.

Oh! Also ruby scooped you up and held you against her cheeks, as if you were a doll or toy, scared to let go.

Ruby's mother otherwise named Flora took notice of Ruby's odd protective nature towards a human like yourself and just chalked it up to having a genuine friend.

After that incident Ruby's behaviour began to take a dark turn.

She would oftentimes spend her time in the castle's library thinking of some way for you to live in her kingdom.

Ruby would stalk you and watch you sleep through the windows of your room.

Ruby would ask the mediocre red haired mermaid on ways to attract her crush.

Ruby would now try and sabotage any chances of you returning to the mainland.

It was getting annoying as she would question your dislikes and likes.

She would also try and guilt trip you into some weird cryptic shit.

It was getting to the point you just want nothing to do with ruby until-

Feeling a weird feeling covering your body, you sat up and looked around to be in a weird bioluminescence like bedroom, but for giants. You put a hand on your head and suddenly felt odd scales decorating your face. Looking down at your body, you see that your entire body resembles similarly to a skin of sea creature (shark skin) and with a few hints of fish scales.

"Oh! You're awake!" A voice filled with joy causes you to turn to see Ruby swimming into the bedroom with a plate filled with kelp and seaweed. You backed away as she sat the kraken sized plate on her seabed and lightly pushes it towards you. You felt your blood run cold as she looks at you with eyes akin to a predator but hidden behind innocent eyes.

"What's going on, where am I and what the actual hell is happening!" You shouted at ruby with a look of anguish and rage, Ruby's face morphs into a frown, as she picks a piece of large seaweed and begins to munch on it while pushing the plate forward closer to you. "Okay, so basically I've noticed some weird stuff happening around my kingdoms territory and found out that the mermaid's are going to attack oceanside highschool.

You know you should try some kelp, it's pretty good for a Mershark such as you, Oh and someone gave the mermaid's their tridents back." Ruby explains as you look at her with horror as it was quite obvious to who gave the mermaid's their tridents back.

"you're a monster!" You snapped at her with rage and ruby grabs your tiny frame with one hand and pulls you close to her, her bright aquamarine eyes now shifting into one akin of red as a warm heat began to draw in towards her eyes. "You shouldn't call your mate such a hurtful name. I guess you need some reprimanding." She made it sound like it was a well deserved punishment.

"Now try out the hand picked kelp and seaweed dish I made you and maybe, just maybe I can give you....one trout." She said emphasizing on the one salmon with her other hand. Letting you go, you felt your body slowly fall due to the waters environment and softly landed and stare into anything else.

"Enjoy your new life as my future ruler, my little SeaShark!" And with that ruby shuts her bedroom door closed.

_________________________________________

Tagged: @hana-no-seiiki @chadychadyy2k

Next up is D.S.W Chelsea!

Hope you enjoyed on what's to come next!

[ieatsmallorphansnamedtom]

Hey there! I love your blog. The lil snakes are so cute 💞💞💞. I was wondering if I could get headcanons of an oblivious farmer who's got Elliott and Harvey pining over them? (With some polyam themes, if possible, but no worries if not!) Hope you're havin a good one 💜

Elliott and Harvey with an Oblivious Farmer

Holy moly I'm back! Well, not really, but I have a post! Yippee! Anyways, so sorry this took so long. I hope you haven't up and left yet lol. I have to say I only do character x character if the farmer/reader is involved and because of that I'm not very good at it. However, I will try my best! Thank you for your patience waiting for this! Also thank you for the compliments I love my snakes too dfdkhfkds (/gen).

It had been about a year since you moved to the valley. Over your many seasons of work you had managed to grow quite close to the townspeople of Pelican Town. Your gifts and services had earned you a high rank within the valley's social hierarchy. High enough to earn the attention of two of the town's bachelors!

Elliott and Harvey had been smitten with you for a while now. Everything you did just gravitated them towards you. It didn't help that you were just as lovely to everyone else. The two of them spent a lot of time observing your behaviours (not in a creepy way), so it was only a matter of time until they realised someone else had their eyes on you.

Harvey was the first to realise something was unusual about Elliott. Whenever he tried to talk to him in passing in the town square, he always seemed less grounded in reality than usual. He always seemed to have his head in the clouds thinking about something.

Then he started to notice the way he looked at you and talked with you. When you were talking to someone else, that ditzy aimlessness remained, but when you were speaking to him, he was completely focused. It was strange how his behavior would switch instantaneously, and it only took Harvey so long to know what was happening.

Harvey's first reaction is a big 'oh no.' He already thought he was out of your league, but now? Well, there's no chance of anything happening, is there? He might as well give up while he's ahead. But then again, that would make him sad. So maybe he should just try.

Harvey starts talking to you more. He brings you gifts. He puts so much effort into trying to get you to notice him, as anyone would. But, of course, luck isn't on his side. You remain completely clueless to the sheer mountain of hints he's giving you. To you, the doctor is just being a good friend. What else would he be doing? Having a crush on you? Ha! If only!

It's when Harvey begins this bombardment of gift-giving that Elliott begins to sense something is up. He gets slowly pulled from his romantic daydreams as he notices you spending less and less time with him.

'Y/N, want to come on a boat ride with me?' 'Sorry, I organised to hang out with Harvey today.'

'Y/N, how would you like to share a plate of crab cakes?' 'So sorry Elliott, Harvey's already offered to share a bottle of wine with me.'

He just can't catch a break. Every time he tries to hang out with you something's come up on the farm, or a villager needs help, or Yoba forbid you're hanging out with Harvey again. He's on the verge of giving up when he decides enough's enough. If Harvey's going to play at that game, so is he.

Elliott starts making plans weeks in advance to avoid Harvey's sneaky little last-minute tricks. He sends you letters asking to hang out; he offers to help with whatever chores you're doing. He knows Harvey's got his own plans (being the town doctor and all), so he takes advantage of it. Whenever Harvey's working, he's by your side helping you out.

Truth be told, they both got in a little over their heads. They never really bothered to realise that you had no clue as to what they were doing. All that's going on in your brain is 'yippee, my friends like me!' Not once to they take a minute and go 'wait, have I ever got any hints back?' (not that Harvey would be able to tell LOL).

What makes the situation even more comical is the fact that you did like them. Both. You were just having the time of your life getting to hang out with your crushes while they fought in the background. You always had the sneaking suspicion something was up, but you could never tell what.

Eventually, they both get sick of it. During Elliott's next annual appointment with the doctor, Harvey explains that he's done fighting over you. He explains that acting how they were is immature of them, and Elliott agrees. They decide to just go back to how they were before, safe in the knowledge that if you do ever happen to fall for one of them, you'll let them know.

Elliott x Harvey Part (AKA I Didn't Know if You Meant Just the Reader Was Polyamorous or the Boys Too)

(/nm btw. I'm just a wee bit clueless).

Once that whole ordeal is over, the men start growing closer to each other. It's not like a 'wow we're in love' sort of closeness, more so a 'wow, we have a lot in common' kind. They're the oldest of the bachelors and don't really connect with the younger people in town. Of course, they each have their exceptions (mainly Maru for Harvey, since Leah's a bit older), but for the most part they're on their own.

They're both pretty lonely people deep down, so it's nice to have someone to connect to. They're both nerds in their own rights and bond over that. Elliott often comes to Harvey for medical and historical information (mainly on planes) for his books, and Harvey comes to him for help writing professional documents and emails.

While they still pine over you, something else seems to come through between them. It takes them a while to come to terms with it, and when they do, they're pretty shaken up. I don't imagine either of them ever thought to consider the chance that they may be polyamorous, with Harvey too focused on other things in life and Elliott too caught up in how he's been taught true love is mostly monogamous (*cough cough* every mainstream love story ever *cough cough*).

However, it takes your confession to them for them to actually get together. It's only when they realise 'hey, maybe it's not so odd to love more than one person at once' that they actually bother to confess. It's very short and sweet and barely at all romantic (probably takes place during another checkup lol), but it gets the job done.

You three end up as a very happy throuple together! Harvey and Elliott already work well as friends, but as partners they're pretty dang good. You're all just happy to be able to be together. :)

-~-~-

[kaythefloppa]

Wild Kratts - Fish Out of Water Review [Spoilers]

April is finally here, and with it, three new episodes have been released on the PBS Kids Video App ahead of their release. At the time I'm posting this, it is midnight and the one hour special "Our Blue and Green World" is yet to air on televison and streaming, so I will get to that when I get to that. Given that I have already reviewed No Name Dream and Backpack the Camel, I'll give a review to this episode as well. Spoiler warning and opinions ahead under the cut

First New York, then Hawaii, and now a goddamn University on the list of areas I would never expect these guys to film. Bros are everywhere.

As someone who is about to graduate high school, I feel IMMENSELY jealous of the college students who saw the motherfucking Kratt Brothers filming an episode on campus. I can already begin to see the floods of social media posts bragging about this on Tumblr and Twitter threads.

Ok I feel bad for being a bit salty earlier, I actually think it's really sweet how these people outside of the show can share their interests and expertise in biology and physics to help children educate. The entire live-action opening where they study the locomotion of mudskippers is honestly really sweet, and we haven't even gotten to our main animal yet!

God these are such cute animals. But beyond that, the term "fish out of water" could not be a more fitting title. They have joints like we do, can adapt to different environments, and can swim and climb like we can. This is probably my favorite live action segment because of how well structured the clips and movements are and just how fun it is seeing these little blorbs move around the place.

I should talk about how it took us half a decade to see a mudskipper on the show, and 13 years overall to get a focus episode, but so far, up to a great start and definitely worth waiting (for the most part).

Oh so is it like the Hermit Crab episode where in all of the official releases they leave out the determiner but in the actual episode it's there? This has no overall bearing on the episode but I just felt the need to point it out.

I should check off on my S7 bingo card about seeing the old inventions again because holy shit it's been almost a decade since we saw the Butterflier XT

Also can anyone identify those butterflies? I know for a FACT that those motherfuckers aren't monarchs because of their patterns (the only pattern variation in butterflies is sex-linked, and while I'm aware they live in Asia, this again, does not look like a match) but they also aren't viceroys because they lack the line around their wings. I only ask this to bring up my next point.

I thought the Butterfly Disc we saw in Season 1 was specifically programmed based off of Monarch Butterflies. But as established (until proven wrong), these are not monarch butterflies. So unless Aviva retrofitted or reprogrammed the disc to be multi-familial, as in they can touch any butterfly regardless of classification and activate accordingly (like with the Crocodile, Dragonfly, and Gecko Discs), the activation should not work. I only ask this because while it seems miniscule, Chris' decision to bring out the disc is what sets off the plot - It's what causes him to loose the discs in the butterfly swarm, so I feel like, while not a critique, it's a legitimate question as to the direct programming of the discs vs. the animals used to activate.

Man, Zach wasn't even in this episode and somehow they STILL lose their discs? (Actually, I am pleasantly surprised that they didn't take the opportunity to have this be a Zach-related episode).

You think they'd put a tracker on the collection or encode a chip the actual discs so that they wouldn't get lost this easily. This again, sounds like a nitpick, but earlier seasons set up a firewall for the Creature Power Discs and a tracking device/rocket-device on the Creature Power Suits and gloves because of how frequent these types of contingiences are, so there's really no excuse for this.

(Suck my ass PBS Kids Video App, I'm still able to get high quality snips even with your bullshit formatting!!!)

They really went all out with the "other-wordly" vibe that the mudskippers' territory gave off. Once again, we waited two years for this to be put to animation and to see come air.

I've made enough jokes around these situations in the show, so I think we'd all benefit if I just changed the subject: That front-facing mudskipper is fucking hilarious.

*Martin's voice* - Slimy Skin-breathers!

Okay, but I actually did not know that. At all. Even 10 years later, this show is still teaching me new things about animals in the most beautfully unexpected ways. This is one of the many reasons I will never give up on the show.

[Unexpected angst in bagging area - Also, with the inclusion of No Name Dream, which will air two days before this episode, that brings our Krangstt quota to #2]

Okay so I really like the set-up here, and it genuinely was a surprise seeing Jimmy angst in this episode as a subplot in a series that rarely operates on A-plots and B-plots (unless you count the villains' schemes which are usually just A^2 plots) like most shows. And as someone who legitimately was going through rough times (S7 was actually one of my few reasons to keep going), I heavily related to Jimmy. So yeah, a Jimmy angst episode? Can totally buy. What I'm not gonna buy is how they execute it with the ending, because that and the implications.... yikes...

C'mon! "Mudspitter" was right there! Right there!

Ok, here is where my main problem with this episode's subplot is. If I could boil it down to one word, it would be: Incomplete. Jimmy feeling inadequate based on an observation he made is one thing. Him immediately leaving afterwards on a whim moments after said observation is completely another and doesn't align that well.

Like, this would only work if Jimmy had attempted to be a fish "IN" water. If he tried to help Aviva and Koki with the data-research and inventing, but he failed, and they politely turned him down. Or if there was any basis as to why he suddenly disregards his piloting skills or teleporting, whether he doesn't care or doesn't think them to be enough for him to fit in. Like, he wants to be in on the action because some part of him doesn't feel like sitting around by the teleporter is enough. What I'm saying is, there is no pathos. I personally find it to be relatable, but on a narrative level, it doesn't work. I know the "character feeling left out so they leave" thing is cliche'd, but there's a reason it's a cliche, and that's because it follows a lot of writing beats that this particular episode doesn't, so on top of being cliche'd as fuck to begin with, it feels very awkward. And this is going to be apparent both here and in this episode's climax (which I also do not have many kind words for,) so I had to use my allotted time to talk about why this doesn't work.

Could... could they not call him on his Creaturepod? Could the brothers not call him on his Pod? Did he even have his Creaturepod?? Again, there are so many plot-holes in this B-story that could've easily been written around with a change of dialogue or scenery. Have Jimmy's Creaturepod be shown left lying around which makes them realize they have no way of getting him back to the teleporter in time. Jimmy would have no reason to even bring his Creaturepod on his adventure, so that just raises even more questions. Like, this isn't an active diss on the writers, but I think there should've been more proof-reading of the script since this is a massive oversight.

I think now is the time for me to bring up this question I've had for years now; How exactly does the teleporter work? In several episodes, we've seen that there is a coordinate code in the teleporter that allows it to be sent to the target. Koki's "the communication queen" as Aviva puts it, so she'd likely be able to triangulate the brothers' location. So I'm not sure why the show presents this as a struggle for Koki. This isn't the only example, so I won't hold it against the episode, (they have this be the case specifically to emphasize the point that they need Jimmy, which I can forgive) but it's another piece of lore that I should probably theorize about lmao.

Also

YOU HAVE LITERALLY TELPORTED THE CREATURE POWER DISCS FOUR TIMES.

TWO OF THOSE TIMES BEING IN A ROW.

AND ONE OF THEM WAS FOUR EPISODES AGO IN THIS EXACT SAME SEASON.

This whole episode spent the past five minutes making its main characters look incredibly idiotic for the sake of its B plot.

Once again, this episode's spitting facts that I didn't even know.

This is actually a neat seguay, having the brothers figure out the abilities of the mudskippers while exercising their own cool abilities. It feels really natural, and again, is an inventive way to show off the locomotive abilities of the mudskipper.

I feel like this falls very well between "accurate enough to be admirable" and "uncanny." I can (maybe on my deathbed) get used to this suit's design (though I'm partly glad Chris doesn't activate it because spoilers, he doesn't).

I've given this subplot a lot of flack, but credit where it's due, even with its misses, it does hit with the emotional beats.

Very conflicted on this:

On one hand, Jimmy actually taking the initiative to miniaturize is pretty ballsy. The show, despite not being serialized, does develop its characters in a way that you can sense a clear difference of them when you compare the modern seasons to the earlier ones. And this can be seen as a positive development for Jimmy, since it's his "Creature Adventure."

On the other hand.... back to what I was saying about consistency. Why did Jimmy bring the miniaturizer?? What was his prompting?? Was he planning on shrinking himself down the whole time? Like, he left his friends for god knows how much time and is now out of nowhere shrinking himself down to fish size because he feels inadequate? Uhm, Jimmy, ever heard the idea of therapy?

Also, again, very weird presentation of the episode. They don't at all put any attention to Jimmy's coms and whether or not he has them, (which would easily solve a bigger issue of why he's not contacted), yet they have him carry the Miniaturizer with him. Now, the latter is plot-relevant, but so could've been something about the Creaturepod.

This [from what I interpret] gets Jimmy out of his slump, making his "scientific discovery." Not realizing that his job of piloting and teleporting are equally important. Again, this is structured poorly. I like what they were going for, but it shouldn't have been the only thing that altered the trajectory of this subplot. Again, he can teleport discs to the brothers and pilot and while those are mentioned later on, it's not something he comes to himself in an "oh shit" moment. So this just feels unearned and weird. I really hate how harsh I am, since it's a Jimmy centric episode and it was the #1 requested thing on all the chat-boards during the hiatus, but this is one of those things where it has to be done right if at all. This isn't done right, and the fact that it takes up 50% of the episode just... ugh.

You can't tell it through screenshots but with the way Aviva says it and the scene cutting to her and Koki laughing at it, I'm 98% inclined that this was a specific innuendo, and ngl, I kinda laughed too.

Oh look, it's Kenge's cousin! [For you Lion Guard fans that also recognize Wild Kratts] - [I was inclined to make a reference to Jessie, but that felt in bad taste considering y'know]

Ok, but that has to be an Asian water monitor. Correct me if I'm wrong. What I'm definitely not wrong about is that their bites contain venom; To a human it's not lethal, however to small prey, including mudskippers, or anything around that size, it's lights out. So yeah, Chris and Martin are fucked.

Ok this line is absolutely badass.

Also, grey?? Grey?? I thought Jimmy's signature color was orange/yellow? Or red with the implication of the tail episode? Great, now there's another color that'll be in the debates for his future Creature Power Suit.

Once again, this arc feels weirdly put together. This notion comes up specifically at the climax when it should come up beforehand as Jimmy realizes his worth. Because otherwise, it gives the implication that he knew this all along and yet still felt like a fish out of water, which doesn't mesh together properly (it could, if the episode actually tried to do so which it didn't).

The episode, Sea Otter Swim, does this plot so much better. We see Jimmy's doubts, and we see how he overcomes said doubts in a way that is presented clear to the audience, and the climax where he actually realizes what he's capable of feels earned. This is not earned. So even though I am rooting for him to win, this whole thing just feels messy.

So is nobody gonna ask why Jimmy left his post? Is Jimmy not gonna tell everyone why he left, or at the very least ask why nobody bothered to call for him? Is nobody going to at least let Jimmy know that he can't just... abandon his post without warning because of the fact that they need him? Is Jimmy not going to come to that conclusion himself? Is anything in this episode gonna be earned??

This entire ending feels like an ass-pull: First off, Jimmy and the brothers had enough time to head back to the miniaturizer and then the Tortuga, and in none of that time, did Jimmy ever give them the Power Discs? Why? Yes, it was for the sake of the fake-out defeat/joke, but was there any reason why Jimmy just kept the thing hidden waiting to give it to the brothers?

The entire emotional climax to this episode is basically everyone putting Jimmy on a pedestal. It's unsatisfying because there wasn't any acknowledgement or follow up to Jimmy's conflict at the beginning, nor is the lesson learned in the right way, and the conclusion just overreacts by hyping up Jimmy instead of just having a reasonable "We're a team!" thing, or through any self-actualization of his good qualities that Koki pointed out. None of it, friggin' none of this is earned! Now it comes across as Jimmy being uncharacterstically boastful and cocky and the others just kissing his arse. That's probably not the intent but it was the result.

That is actually like, so fucking cool. I have massive respect for all of these people, like legitimately (also, considerning that's the exact opposite of what Zach does on an ethics scale, I find that really interesting). But beyond that, I think this episode has the best live action segments ever, they are so ingenuitive. I could easily see someone at my high school showing a clip of this episode in robotics' or biology class.

CONCLUSION:

PROS:

The live action segments.

The info dumps about the mudskippers.

The Kratt Brother's adventure with the mudskippers.

The animation

The background music (a lot of which is recycled from earlier seasons)

CONS:

Everything else (specifically the B plot). I feel like the writers wanted to give Jimmy his own storyline, either out of interest or seeing how popular the character was in chat-boards, but they didn't know how to do it so they just went through the motions without really connecting anything at all, so it's a lot harder relating to the exact conflicts in some cases, and you feel disatisfied by the cimax. It reminds me of what they did with Vitani in the Lion Guard finale, a case of giving this one character the spotlight, but hitting all of the wrong marks that does the character and the audience a disservice and leaves a bitter taste in the viewer's mouth by the end credits.

This is the first episode this season that has made me cringe, primarily off of its premise, not just a particular scene, a dated pop culture reference, or a weird-looking Power Suit. It is the first to make me cringe because of its story, which again, the B-plot takes up 50% of the episode, so it's constantly in your face. It's definitely not bad, not hateable bad, and it's far too early in the season to call it the worst, and there are definitely worse episodes out there, ones that have aired and ones that probably will inevitably air, but I can safely say, thus far, it's the one Wild Kratts episode that I enjoy, but only to an extent. The live action segments were by far the only thing that I got extremely engaged in, but other than that, and the other pros, it's not that good.

Final Ranking: 6/10: Above Average, but Needed Improvement.

[lakemojave]

Crabs in Elden Ring are weak to holy damage, implying they are godless creatures. And yet, some even got faces.

I'm also weak to holy damage. But you don't see me making such a big deal about it. I even have a face, bet you didn't know that.

[possiblylando]

Oh boy Jojolands Chapter 2 and Hotdog Guy has a name

Usagi Alohaoe and he is just as much of a dweeb as I was hoping he is great.

The odds of him being gay are not 0 I'm just gonna say that.

His brain is so deep fried he's so awesome....

They hate to see a silly guy having fun and being so whimsical </3...

Okay the fucking design on his suit IS A PAIR OF LEGS I thought so last time but this is like.. What??? It's clearly some kind of brand logo but what the hell kinda company's logo is a pain of legs?? Are the legs female? I assume they're meant to be because they have high heels. But they could also belong to a real long legged guy- They could be non-binary who knows. Araki I need an explanation about these fucking legs why the hell- where the fuck did he get an outfit like this??

He's so silly... Criminally insilly...

ACTUAL fuckboy.

I really can't get a read on what he is aside from silly. does he have some fucked up backstory? He has to right it's Jojo. Is he, Ya know?

Man this heist boring as hell -Watches family guy clips on youtube shorts-

Maybe it's a fucked up crab? The Logo I mean. I don't know it could be like a fucked up mr krabs if you- Hang on

Yeah??? Probably legs.

Dog begging for food from the stove not knowing it's just boiling water coded.

His ass is THINKING

This world is so cruel on silly guys who can look cool some times but are mostly silly..

He looks like he's about to climb the swiss alps brooo :skull emoji:

Why is everyone so mean to me </3 Mini-analyses time. So Usagi calls Dragona "Pink-Chan" which I assume is just an artifact from the Japanese translation. He calls himself blue. Pretty basic male and female colors. The way he speaks kinda makes me think he has a crush on Dragona. That or he's, You know. GAY

Go go gadget hand tumor

We get Usagi's stand and it's FUCKING IT HAS THE LEGS ON IT WHAT THE SHIT MAN I DIDN'T NOTICE UNTIL JUST NOW WHYT OES IT SHOWA WHY THE FUCK DOES THE STAND OVER THE LEGS AOIFHAIWUFHOAFHAIAFSOJAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

It's neat that we're getting a bunch of utility stands this part instead of the beatdown bandits of part 8. It's a more part 7 approach where the stands are used to aid in combat instead of being the primary focus.

Yeah go white boy do your silly little dance I am clapping woo yeah

Hot Dog Man Vs. Hot Dog Guy

This, Absolutely not intentional. I assure you. But the way the Speedline are drawn around Usagi makes it look like he has a Holy Halo.

Jesus Jumpscare. I highly doubt it means anything but- I felt the need to point it out. The marks the end of chapter 2. Uhhhh I like this funny little silly guy he's so oooo so silly he's gonna die a horrible horrible fucking death he is not surviving this part man is gonna DIE... Uhhh Araki always tryina add in his self insert like why the hell is Rohan the Bus Driver? I think they should give Usagi a gun that would be cool...

[multifandom-nerds-blog]

Watching Ofmd season 2 ep 1 - 3 be like:

(Not necessarily in irder, also spoilers and you know, mentioning death and gory stuff cause it's Ofmd)

That dream was straight out of a fanfiction

Spanish Jackie gets a new husband

Soup

Wedding crash

Izzy gets a hug (and two more toes cut off? I hope he at least didn't have to eat those as well

Buttons on a leash

Soup soup soup

The swede living his best life as a house husband

Holy shit I'm crying about Izzy

NOT ANOTHER TOE PLEASE

Fangs crying "HE SHOT IZZY", IT'S THE FIRST EPISODE FOR ANYBODYS SAKE

Soup

HOT PIRATE QUEEN, LET'S GOOOO

LUCIUS AND PETE REUNION YEAHHHHH

Izzy beating the "Lucius is hiding in the walls" allegations

I don't even think the leg would have been of much use anyways. With only two toes left and a bullet in the knee

Stede, you're a little bit bonkers

Lucius trauma dumping, but Stede just does not give a single F

Jim, I know there's a hot pirate lady in front of you BUT STOP HOLDING THE LEG LIKE THAT

Soup

Ed just being straight up suicidal but needing someone else to pull the trigger

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

The former psychology nerd inside me wants to analyze Izzys and Eds brains

Lucius and black pete are the best and only important ship there is

MUTINY

HOW DID IZZY MANAGE TO CRAWL ALL THE WAY UP TO THE DECK WITH ONE LEG AND A HEAD WOUND

The fact that they somehow got through the storm WITHOUT EVEN A WHEEL

Izzy is hanging on life by a thread

Not all of them still trying to spare Stedes feelings

SOUP

Jeffs Inn. That's it. Jeffs Inn.

Also that thing with Felix and the crab, wtf was that please

Olu is getting some, good for him

Buttons the sea witch, please, I want them to do something big with that

"Give me your worst" - >walks away and ignores Izzy

BIG ESCAPE, STEDE IS PLOTTING

Olu, escape now, hanky panky later

I wanna know, how the heck did they manage to get Izzy over that zipline, cause he can barely even stand anymore

Did someone put him over their shoulder or anything like?!!!

When you're crying BUT SUDDENLY MERMAID STEDE SHOWS UP AND YOU CRACK UP

In conclusion: Izzy character development is going on. Also, I want soup now.

[kissmethroughthebone]

Topic of the day: when to leave a man.

You ever see something a man in your life does and go "WOW, you're disrespectful to that woman?"

Like for example, there's this older man I'm friends with. Lawyer turned comedian. Great fella otherwise, dirty jokes galore, the works. He tries to keep a good balance of offensive humor yet still being respectful and not demeaning to women, doesn't always hit the mark.

Recently he told me that he and his girlfriend are "basically winding down", a.k.a. slowly separating and weaning off of each other... Why, you ask?

Because her mom died (iirc) and he decided that he didn't need to be emotionally involved in all that, at least from the way he described that.

"Too serious and gloomy." He couldn't emotionally be damned to care. She begged and said no no no they should still be a thing, but he's sold on not doing it.

Played with her feelings, they were "friends" for 10 years and dated for another 5.

He bragged that while she said she loved him, he never said it back, since he "has loved so many people already and that never worked out, so I'm not interested in that again".

And she was alright with him, over the years, going out to other countries to fuck women all over the world (he's 70, for context).

And that......... was a lot to learn at a random Korean spot on a Thursday evening, but, okay. I am someone who doesn't find much taboo, but holy fucking shit.

And paired with how maybe last week, he told me that two years ago, he dated a 20-something (why am I adding the "something? She was most likely 20,) in Thailand who he was planning to marry......

The timelines clicked for me this weekend, when I connected those dots.

That was already bad enough, but the context of "I had an open-ish (or she-tolerated-me-cheating) relationship with a woman and was fully gonna marry someone else and leave her in the dark" is.......... gross.

Reminds me of another woman my mother was friends with; chasing after the same guy for 30 years.

Like he's not a catch sweetie, you're finally being used for sex and money after several decades and still mistreated by a man who has happily done the worst to you.

It's so disheartening.

But here's some stories, as palate cleansers:

Over the pandemic, I went on a date with some guy when I was 19. 300 bucks (platonic) for a steak dinner topped with crab meat and some other nice decadent treats, a nice time was had.

The guy, in his 30s/40s, went on a tangent about how his last ex was a woman he dated for 10 years or so, iirc.

She was getting older in the years, wanted a ring. He said he wasn't sure....

That was all she needed to hear.

They broke up, and in less than a year, she had a husband and a baby. The man was devastated, and all the begging he did was for nothing, just like hers was. And clearly not doing well, since his mid life crisis of "I need to take out a 19 year old on a date and pay her 300 bucks to tolerate my company". And we didn't work out. He resorted to posting pictures of himself almost fully naked in gym locker rooms, with old men with their ass out in the back of the photo, hoping it might inspire women to talk to him.

What a catch, hmm? Ew.

At least I got that laptop money I needed.

Another one:

My last serious ex's brother was a pathetic loser in many ways, but ontop of the addictions, mommy issues, and lack of a job, he did once vent to me about how his last girlfriend, he dated for maybe 7 or 10 years, just about?

She was like "We've been together awhile, since we were teens, and I want marriage. Are you down?" He said no, since he wanted to be sure and wait another 3 years to be sure, since that was a huge commitment and he had no way of knowing they would work out....

Ah, so.... you aren't sure you and the girl you've been with for almost a decade, as a romantic couple, would.... work as a committed romantic couple, so you.... want to exist as a romantic couple even longer.... with a fake commitment, but no security? Almost reaching her 30s with no ring or any chance of actual growth?

Same story, she was heartbroken, but left. (She needed to raise her standards anyway, he was a joke.) Guess what? A year or so later, new man, and to this day has TWO babies. And he, meanwhile, is still 31 and JUST now finally got a job, almost two years after having this conversation with me, and is being made by his mother to do chores. Haaaa.

I remember specifically going "Do you think you ever want therapy for what happened, since your mom's divorces traumatized you so much?", and he just outright refused, saying he doesn't need it, and that love is just doomed and not something realistic, and marriage isn't necessary.

....and yet, these women and the men they left for are happy as can be, poster families for the white picket fence American Dream of love, adoration, and success. Hmm.

Seems like only the losers are the ones who have self-fulfilling prophecies, with both genders...

"All men cheat", "There aren't men that do nice things for you like that any more", and on and on and on. It's tiresome!

"Women hate me and I am never gonna find love", says the sex addicted man who refuses to develop social skills or ever risk rejection. And specifically goes for women he considers "low quality" or "tolerable", instead of having enough self respect or self esteem to grow as a person. Ew.

"All men are sleazeballs" says the girl who keeps fucking the men with sticky fingers and patchy scalps that loiter at gas stations, who I would pepper spray for approaching me, rain or shine.

Like, maybe you're not having luck with women since you have no personality or hobbies and see them as sex objects while fearing love, accountability, conversations, AND your mother (or lack thereof!).

Maybe men are good, but you keep screwing the dudes who will pick up the phone in the middle of sex with you to tell the girl they actually want that they aren't up to much.

Have some accountability, jesus. Even I am aware of my own mistakes made, present and past. At least I try.

Anyway leave a nigga in the dust.

They will brag about stringing you along and mock you if you do, and only miss you when you're gone, because they have weird mental issues that prevent them from learning empathy and common sense like we all learned at age ten.

And leave a dude in the dust. What one won't, another will. And ask yourself, "Would my future husband act like this?" I've checked myself multiple times on this, when I've made mistakes.

"Would a future husband be spending all his money on Patreons for Marvel vs Zombies board games and not actually putting in the required effort to keep me interested in him? A future husband would not touch or treat me like this."

Don't have a sealed image in your mind as that one person being a potential husband for you.

They are an avenue you can take, yes, but not your sole path.

(That's a bar, ooooh, yeah.... I hope yall quote me if yall say that anywhere else! Haha!)

Plus, sometimes doors close for a reason. If these women stayed with these pathetic men, then they would've had their patheticness manifest in different ways.

Like you ever leave an ex and see them get ridiculously down bad after losing you?

And think "Ew, what a mistake it was to date that person?", and feel better about leaving them?

Exactly. Better to have a "fuck, why did I date them?", and not a "Fuck, why can't I leave them?" Since there's a rich nigga on Bumble right now waiting for you to text them, ready to take you out in your best beautiful "saving for a nice night out" garments and high end special occasion jewelry to a steak and prix fixe dinner that NIGHT.

Stop waiting for a text back at your apartment with the lights off, scrolling Instagram and refreshing their story endlessly, there's self care to do and people to see! Can be covering up those tear stained eyes with aloe gel and getting dolled up for Fine Rich Nigga Number #3 on your roster!

Think big! Love you, be safe, take care.

[eggcheeseham-ster]

I love RyuTeru since I was a child (11 years old) I'm glad to find another artist who likes it, Could you give me your Headcanons? I'd like to see what you think about them.

Pardon my language but holy fuck I thought I'd never find anyone else that likes it as much as me 😭. had to do a double take when I read the ask I legit thought I was hallucinating - anyway! I rmbr having posted some hcs about them before but I'm too lazy to dig it up so I'll dump it here

(bonus tobio and tetsuya crumbs i like to think the 4 of them as a happy friend group):

They are both early birds, but sometimes they sleep in on weekends. 

Teru drinks coffee and Ryutaro drinks tea. Ryutaro dislikes the strong, bitter taste of coffee even when there's a shitload of creamer in it (once Ryutaro made Tobio drink tea and he added soda in it).

Teru enjoys spoiling his loved ones.. Ryutaro often tells him to not spoil him too much. I like to think when they form a family in the future Teru is the parent that drags the entire (reluctant)  family out for shopping.

Whenever Teru falls sick, Ryutaro would use aromatherapy to ail his symptoms such as fragrant incense and essential oils.

Whenever Ryutaro falls sick Teru makes him soup. Granted it's canned soup but it's the thought that counts (i hc teru being an awful cook more lr8)

Teru is absolutely the one that gives really cheesy nicknames and it makes Ryutaro cringe to high heaven. But he tolerates it because he likes seeing Teru smile :) 

Teru is extremely soft (literally). He takes damn good care of himself I just know his hair is soft. Bedtime cuddles are also soft. I can imagine his sleeping robes are super comfy.. Ryutaro has to compete with everyone else for hugs :(

Teru has a sweet tooth and enjoys cafe hopping. Fluffy pancakes with LOTS of maple syrup, ice cream waffles, sundaes etc. The things he orders are enough to give Ryutaro a heart attack, so he just sticks to drinks. Give him a break, his entire diet is just rice and grilled fish. 

Among the dss trio I'd feel like Ryutaro is the least petty but he can be extremely petty when it comes down to it. Whenever he's mad at Tobio and Tetsuya he'd let Teru be in charge of dinner. No one has the heart to say no when they see Teru's eyes light up in joy as he brainstorms recipes to try out.

Both of them are really good at makeup and self care. They do each other's makeup and hair. They also spend an ungodly amount of time in the bathroom. You want to hang out with these two? Waiting time is 2 hours.

Teru is the one to initiate dates and plans them. Their first couple of dates are the usual restaurant/mall/movie dates. But when Teru learns of Ryutaro's dislike of crowds they move their dates to more outdoorsy locations, like parks.  

Ryutaro can be dense. He doesn't pick up on flirting or pick up lines. I feel like the same goes with jokes they fly by over his head and you need to explain the joke to him, which instantly makes it unfunny and awkward.

Tobio and Tetsuya are the perpetual unfortunate third wheelers. They get it, they're single. Can Ryuteru stop holding hands and looking at each other?? They didn't sign up for this.

I can imagine Ryuteru travelling together after battle bladers for a while before bumping into Tobio and Tetsuya randomly. Tobio thinks they're just besties,, until he sees them holding hands and his brain explodes. Mostly from the fact that he can't believe this fortune telling weirdo got on with someone. Someone so pretty in fact??

Tetsuya is usually in his world most of the time and at first he doesn't realise he's third wheeling. But after he catches on he'd be sick of their bs after a while.

Teru would be super sweet to the two,, he'd be very patient with tetsuya and listen to him rambling about his crab friends.. The crabs like Teru as well :) 

I am so deep into delulu that I gave them a fankid. he doesn't have a name actually I just call him blue baby because he's just a mini ryutaro. absolutely nothing goes on in that pea sized brain but his parents still love him anyway <3 if you want I can make a separate post about adult ryuteru and their spawn because this one is rly long alr.

[yesyourstalker]

Part two.... Damn this shit. Long as fuck not even done

Warabi: it's the coldest time of yeeeaarrr! But cod damn I'm so warm in siiioode! When you're close to me and you smile at me! My excitement has no place to hide!

Neta: Warabi

Warabi: while the kids are laughing and screaming and grandma starts to siiing! I pull you aside. A nice place to hide and I pulled out that. Platinum. diamond. ring!

Neta: Warabi please

Warabi: you quickly tried to denyyyy it and that smile. I see you hide it! I give you the best ooooon Frosty Fest cuz our love.is.stronger. than. allllll the rest!

Neta: I'm trying to drive

Warabi: baby take my hand and make me your man- Why'd you turn the radio off?

Neta:........... We're sitting in silence

Warabi: but....it's but it's frosty-

Neta: shut up! [Eating]

Warabi: Don't eat all of the salmon bites. Those are for the guests!!

_______________________________________________

Mahi: holy shit. This place is huge.....it's bigger than the original store.

Baja: look he has two stories! Wow! I wonder what he's going to put up there!

Mahi: He said he wanted some sort of cafe lounge or something? This place is really fancy

Baja: Neta really went all out for this- *gasp* it's.. it's

Mahi: calm down. Take some breaths. Don't be fucking weird..... Hey ikkan you bought some wine I didn't know if it was a white wine or a red wine kind of party so I bought both..... Also this is Baja

Ikkan: thanks. You can just set them on the table over there. You must be Warabi's boyfriend he told me about you It's nice to see you.

Baja: Yes I've heard a lot about you. Not just like from TV and social media and the news. I mean but so has everyone else because you're very successful and famous. I'm sorry I'm rambling but Neta told me a lot about you and it's really nice to see you in person.

Ikkan: It's nice to see you too.... What model saxophone is that?

Baja: ... It's a shanty 44 model it's an Alto. Neta wanted me to bring it to play heheh.... It's the same model as your bassoon. It's a shanty 43 model you played it at the hard shell banquet hall at memorial service If your old high school band director 3 years back.

Ikkan: uh.... Yeah... That's.... Yeah that's correct. Wow ......how did he know that? That's very impressive you know a lot about music

Baja: Yeah it's mostly just history stuff.

Ikkan: That's really cool..... What do you usually play?

Baja: I was in jazz band and I also played an orchestra for the last two years of school

Ikkan: do you know how to play Funtime Frost?

Baja: yes

Ikkan: I'll be right back. I'm going to my car.

Baja: I think we're friends!

Mahi: you two are dorks. I'm going to set up the drinks

_______________________________________________

Carrie: *gasp* Baja!! I knew you'd come! What do you think of my dress. Pretty isn't it? I usually don't wear light colors like cream or white, but it kind of felt special. I also bought my cello I was going to play it for you remember? but I was rudely interrupted by -... Oh It's just you.

Mahi: Yeah, it's good to see you too you little brat. Get on my way, Baja's over there. Also when Mizole shows up don't try anything. This is a big deal for your dad. I don't ruin it.

Cirrina: as if I would talk to him willingly.... Why is he even showing up? This party is supposed to be for important people. Not has beens like your boyfriend

Mahi: you know what!?!

Neta: Mahi do not fight with my daughter unless you want to be fired! Cirrina crab cakes please don't start fights with the adults. Okay? Show everyone at the party. What a sweet, pretty girl you are.

Cirrina: ok daddy.. ..Oh Bajaaaa! [Flips off mahi]

Neta: monster

Neta: awwww my baby's first crush... She's growing so fast they really do slip through your fingers......*sigh* anyway, everything is set up. Decorations are good... Drinks are all set... The waiters are setting up their trays...... Now we just need to wait for the people..... Baja?

Baja: I've already set up! ikkan's getting his bassoon right now! I can't believe I'm going to be playing with the Ikkan Kane! think I'm going to faint

Warabi: hey Mahi

Mahi: ooh those look good!

Warabi: No, you can't have any of these All right. I made 80 of these and Neta already ate five of them!

Neta: They're good!

Warabi: huff I made 40 cooked ones and 40 raw ones so we have options. DON'T eat all of the raw ones mahi! Save some for the actual guests and that goes for you too babe!

_____________________hour in the part____________

[live music playing over a crowd of people talking]

Pearl: you know when you said Frosty fast party. I thought you meant the ones you used to have at the boathouse.

Neta: Oh you mean the one when l passed on the floor in my own barf?

Pearl: Yeah those parties were fun hehehehe

Neta: getting too old for that now can't handle my liquor like I used to

Pearl: you couldn't hold your liquor back then either Jackass hahahahaahaha remember you get your hands stuck in the toilet hahahah we had to call the fire department hahahaha

Neta:heheheheh It was the party where you flashed the cops

Pearl: Yeah! I got one of the lady cops' numbers and after hehehe *sigh* good times..... Oh this is the Marina. She's my fiance

Marina: Hi, I've heard so much about you. I also saw you once in concert with squid squad! You're so talented! It's been honor to meet you actually

Neta: ahhh finally meeting you in person. I'm a big fan of you as well. I love the dress by the way you look great. Hope you're enjoying the party

Marina: I definitely am. This is such a gorgeous place and this is going to be your store?

Neta: Yes! We usually just sell music, merchandise, instruments.........concert tickets.

Marina: well That's interesting. Dance socks is actually starting another tour next year... Here is the number to our vendor they make most of our merchandise and I can see if I can contact 'ticket stand' and provide you access to our supply.

Neta:oh thanks!

Marina : We're going to refresh on some drinks and we'll catch up with you and talk about this little business later.......What is this about you flashing cops?

_______________________________________________

Baja: Yeah so father was actually an apprentice of ikkan's old band director he spent one year in Krillarney. He had to leave when you was born.

Zuzu: wow! That's true he lived in Krillarney for 5 years! How do you know that ?

Baja: It was in an old interview on subshellet I read. I think it was 7 years ago

Zuzu: hehehe I should hire you to write my memoir you seem to know a lot more about me than I do heheheh...... Hmmm

_______________________________________________

Mahi: *sigh*.....*sip*.... Mizole!! Hey over here! Hi babe. [Kiss]

Mizole: hey babe.. [ kiss] I got you a gift..... But it's in my freezer at home. You can't have until tomorrow Mahi I want you to meet wet floor. Guys, this is my partner Mahi.

Mahi: hay guys. Nice to meet you finally...

Wf Candi: He didn't cheat on you yet did he?

Mizole: Candi!!

Mahi: hahaha no!!!..... I hope not

Raley: Oh then he's probably loyal......probably cuz you would definitely know if he was cheating. He's a terrible liar

Mizole: what the hell!! I have never cheated on anyone!!!

Keaton: Yeah I have to back him up on that. He doesn't really cheat. He has ghosted people and never told them that he broke up with them before dating someone else

Mizole: but this time it's fucking different!!. I actually like this one! Mahi makes me happy and I want to see them happy!

Mahi: oh.... mizole.

Mizole: and you know what?? for our one year anniversary that's in a couple months I'm going allllll out! Take them on a trip or some shit! That's how much I care for my partner.

Neil: well I for one am happy you actually found someone that you like.

Mizole: thank you Neil

Neil: I'm more surprised they like you back

Mizole:..........

Mahi: hehehe .. I'm going to go get some food. You hang out with your friends and be nice to each other and I'll be right back and -oh shit. Sorry man I wasn't looking where I was.......... Why the fuck are you here?

_______________________________________________

Mahi and Baja ate all of the raw salmon bites before anyone else could get them and @fish-at-fish-fish-resort Saw the whole thing and didn't say anything

[cloudcountry]

Just saw someone asking your thoughts on a blue ringed octopus and I was curious to hear your thoughts on a Japanese spider crab

Thoughts of a Japanese spider crab merfolk sit in the back of my mind and idk I think some might find them unsettling

HI i'm so sorry this is so late but i had a bit of a rambling burnout??? from all the support???? literally the only good burnout i have ever had AHJSGDJHAFS

the japanese spider crab is a giant crustacean that measures up to 3.7 meters (thats 12 feet btw) from claw to claw!!

here's a size refence photo i found:

they're decorator crabs, which sounds just as wholesome as it actually is C: they decorate their body with bits of plant matter, anemones, and sponges to help blend in with their environment. there are also organisms that grow on the spider's back, such as algae that have the same effect!!

the japanese spider crab is an omnivore, but it prefers scavenging for food and eating plant matter instead of hunting. so if one of them is ever eating meat, it's probably carrion C:

they molt!!! i didn't know this before!!! i don't think i've ever researched a marine species that does this before :O but the process apparently takes about two hours to complete and they're immobilized while doing so

I WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT while i was doing some research on this crab there were plenty of sources that kept calling it "stuff of nightmares!!!!" and i would like to reiterate something that i've said over my past marine bio posts: MARINE LIFE IS NOT OUT TO GET YOU. they are only scary because the media keeps being dramatic and painting them as ruthless killers (COUGH COUGH SHARKS AND PIRANHAS.) japanese spider crabs are completely harmless.

so if there's an ocean animal that scares you, please do research on it. most people dont like the toothy animals (something my precious moray eels have had to face time and time again) but most of those toothy animals just want to be left alone.

marine life is beautiful. be scared of the cone snail and stonefish instead of sharks and piranhas.

ANYWAYS for your merperson thought!!!! since giant moray eels can grow up to 3.9 meters and the japanese spider crab can be 3.7 meters, that means the spider crab mer's human form would be around 187-189 centimeters ish tall if we use the leech twins for reference. holy shit.

i imagine them as very lanky, probably with bright red hair. i can imagine they'd accessorize a lot, both in the sea and on land...they'd probably have a preference for veggies, too!!

since the japanese spider crab is such a calm, gentle giant of an animal, i can imagine them being very collected and quiet, perhaps studious? definitely a slow runner, since these crabs don't move that fast, so floyd wouldn't find them interesting enough to chase. i wonder if they'd be in the same boat as azul when it comes to stamina, though?

cue me realizing your ask is causing me to literally make an oc right now

but yes!! i do think a lot of merpeople would be frightened of them, solely because they're so large. on the bright side that means they can scare away azul's bullies <3

[randomreadingtimewithtsuki]

Hi I'm here to do the previous request scenario about obana danjiro and the giving birth reader, but can you include furuoki, chika and chikiri too?? I will be very grateful if you make it for me!

Hello! Thank you for requesting!!

I hope this is of your liking please let me know what you think!

Tsuki's note: I only wrote for Chika because this would get too long if it was everyone... anyway!

Female! Reader

TW: Pregnancy? Child birth?

When you told Chika you were going to be parents he was surprised and shocked at first.

Not shocked like " how" but shocked as in " holy crab I am a dad now?"

He stayed confused for a good awhile. Until you giggle at his slow blinks.

That was enough to pull him out of his daze and have his cheeks burn slightly.

He smiled, lifted you and thwirled you around!!

At first he was worried about you but nothing too overwhelming, just making sure you ate, had water, that you didn't made too effort and things like that.

As time went by and your bump started to show, he became glued to your belly.

Always a hand on it, laying down on your lap, talking to them, you name it!

It was very endearing to watch the oh, so fearsome captain drooling over you like that.

But Chika also started to become more protective.

A few weeks passed by and now you were visibly pregnant.

You needed new clothes and he took you out to shop.

Always close to you, hand on your waist and sometimes on your stomach.

Whenever someone stopped to chat with you he would watch them. It was uncomfortable for the people to say the least, but he didn't dare to take his eyes away from you.

Needless to say he became overprotective, right?

At night he kissed you and your stomach good night. You giggled at how sweet it was and in turn it made him smile against your skin.

It was also during this time he started to panic a bit.

Would he be a good dad? Nope, he didn't think so.

He tried to hold this insecurity from you, but... you soon noticed he seemed a bit off.

He shyly admitted being worried about parenting - who would want their parents to be a fearsome captain?

He truly believed you would excel in being a mom - even though you were a nervous train wreck yourself.

You tried your best to reassure him - he is a very affectionate person, he is good a teaching and he would keep the baby safe.

It helped him a bit, but... he was still scared.

So you decided to go for what he usually does " well, then, you say so yourself, if you are scared go head first and it won't look as scary. I will be here too to help you so..."

He laughed at your words. Its true he told you that many times.

You could see the relief on his features. You gave him the push he needed!

When the baby started kicking he was ecstatic.

Excitedly pointing it out for you that the baby moved - absolutely adorable to see his eyes shining and smile appearing wide and bright.

At this point, you couldn't walk around alone anymore. You joked with him you were pregnant, not dying.

He laughed and flicked your forehead " you two are more precious than anything in this world and you are mine and mine alone"

Your cheeks burned.

He didn't really mind having a boy or a girl. He did have names on his head.

Before going to bed, you two would discuss the names.

He took it quite seriously.

When the due date came around, he wasn't in the house.

He was gving some training to his squad.

As soon as he the 4th squad got to him the news, he was gone in a blink.

He stayed with you through the birth, holding your hand, sometimes whispering reassuring words and drying your forehead.

When the baby was finally born he didn't know if he should hold them or you - as you gave the last push you relaxed and fell back on the bed.

In the end, Chika was only allowed to hold your baby after you held them.

He had a very soft expression watching you too. He was took this opportunity to thank you for your hard work.

At first he was overprotective of the baby and you, but with time he relaxed a bit. Just a little.

He slowly got the hang of being a dad and tried to take the role of the stern father,but... you took the cake instead.

-------------------------------------------------------

This is it! Thank you for reading!