#Honestly I'm very open to putting trigger warnings in this I just can't with words and don't know if this its just because it's me

[nicoline1998enilocin]

''I'm in love with you, you grump!''

PAIRING | Bucky Barnes x Shy!Avenger!Female!Reader

WORD COUNT | 1.6K

SUMMARY | You're currently on a mission with Sam and Bucky, so in order to blow of some steam the three of you decide to go to a bar. During the evening Sam brings up the topic of your dating life, and suddenly Bucky gets very grumpy, but you can't seem to figure out why. You're not exactly comfortable with the topic either, but his reaction seems a bit much in your eyes.

WARNING(S) | This is your official trigger warning. Do not proceed if any of these topics upset you. Reader is a bit shy, with a hint of social anxiety, Bucky and Reader are oblivious to each other's feelings, Sam is a bit of an instigator, confessed romantic feelings.

Likes, comments and reblogs will be very much appreciated 💜

Main Masterlist | Bucky Barnes Masterlist

''Hey doll, want to join us at the bar? We're heading there later and Sam and I thought it might be fun to go all together,'' Bucky asked, even though he knew full well Sam didn't mind either way. ''Uh, do I have to...? I'd rather stay at the hotel, Buck,'' you tried, you weren't a big fan of going out, let alone going to a crowded bar on a Saturday evening. Every time they are going somewhere they try to get you to come with them, but you're not much of an outgoing person, or a people-person, for that matter. Sure, you were fine around Bucky, but the two of you spend a lot of time together, but you rarely hang out with Sam aside from missions.

''Please?'' Bucky asked with big puppy dog eyes, and as much as you didn't want to say no, you couldn't resist. ''Fine, but I won't dress up or anything, and I will stay for only an hour, that's it. ''It wouldn't want it any other way, doll,'' he said as he put his hand on your hip and he put a small kiss on your forehead as a thank you, which sets your inside completely ablaze at just the simplest of touches. This crush you had on Bucky is getting out of hand, and you don't know how much longer you can hold it in before you snap and accidentally tell him how you feel.

The weather is very nice where your mission is located, so you opt to go for a simple summer dress and a pair of Converse, your hair in a simple ponytail, and very little make-up. The dress shows a little more skin than you're used to, but you've been trying to step out of your comfort zone a little bit, trying to get rid of your shy-girl persona and instead being the badass you know you can be. This seems like a good start in your mind, and not much later all three of you are heading to a bar, you're clinging to Bucky's arm as if your life depends on it. ''You okay, doll?'' he whispered in your ear, you must have been squeezing harder than intended. ''Uh, yeah I guess,'' you muttered.

God, you were feeling very uncomfortable, not just with your outfit choice, but with everything around you. There were too many people doing who knows what, and the air in the bar seems a little bit constricting, but you promised Bucky an hour so that's the least you will do for him. In all honesty, you'd do almost anything for him if he asked, but that's mainly due to this crush you've had on Bucky, which honestly feels more like you've fallen head over heels in love with the super soldier, the more you think about it. When the three of you arrive at the bar you immediately go seek out a place to sit, and much to your relief, you find a booth in a quiet part of the bar.

''Can I get you guys anything to drink?'' Bucky asked and you just nodded, Sam ordered a beer. ''Anything specific you might like?'' he smiled at you, turning a bit flustered and red at the question. ''Uh... I- uh, I'll take a beer too, please,'' you stuttered, hoping the floor would just open up and swallow you whole right then and there. ''Alright, three beers coming right up,'' he said as he walked to the bar. Neither you nor Sam said anything while he was away, and you didn't mind. You got your phone out of your bag and started scrolling through social media to keep your mind a little busy until Bucky came back. Not long after he returned, handing you your beer and you gave him a smile as a thank you.

''So, anything new with you guys?'' Sam asked, and he and Bucky were in a conversation about something you didn't particularly care for, so you were just picking at the label on your bottle. This was how it usually went and also the reason you'd rather have stayed back at the hotel. You were deep in thought and didn't notice the men across from you were looking at you expectantly. ''Uh, sorry, did you- did you ask something?'' you said as you turned bright red, not looking either of them in their eyes because you were embarrassed. ''It's okay, Y/N, no need to be shy!'' Sam said, which only made you feel worse. ''I asked if there's anything new in your dating life,'' he said again, and it didn't help much.

''Uh, no, yeah, I have been on a few dates, but it wasn't going anywhere,'' you said, mostly because you were afraid to text them back after the date, and it never got past one, if you didn't walk out during the date itself. ''You know how it goes,'' you said with a shy chuckle, which immediately died down as soon as it left your throat, you were feeling extremely uncomfortable. The main reason it never went anywhere however, is because they weren't Bucky, but you would never admit that to anyone, the bond you have with him is special and you don't want to risk losing that connection you two share.

The moment you finished your answer you immediately dropped your eyes down, to where your fingers were still picking at the corners of the label on your bottle. Because you did this you didn't see the way Bucky's face dropped at the mention of you going on dates, you never told him that and he wasn't all too happy with it in all honesty. He got up and stomped out of the bar, he needed some fresh air to clear his mind a little bit because he almost told you he wishes you would have gone on a date with him, and he didn't want to tell you like that. You quickly went after him after apologizing to Sam.

''Buck, what's wrong?'' you asked as you grabbed his arm when you were both outside. He pulled his arm away from you and ran his hands through his hair to make sure he wouldn't do anything stupid right now. ''Why didn't you tell me why you went on dates? I always tell you everything, even when I have a date,'' Bucky said, not sure why he would emphasize that part exactly. ''I-, I'm sorry, I just didn't want to mention it, in case it would make you uncomfortable. I mostly went on those dates to get you out of my head, but it never worked,'' you said now that you got a sudden confidence boost. You don't have a single clue where it came from, but you would embrace it for however long it lasted.

''Why-, wait, get me out of your head? Did I ever do anything to hurt or upset you for you to need me out of your head?'' he said and he slowly started spiraling a little bit. ''Buck, no, please look at me, you never did anything wrong-'' you said but his face said all you needed to know. He started pacing back and forth over the sidewalk and didn't look at you, so you took measures into your own hands by grabbing his arms. ''Bucky, look at me, please! I never told you I went on dates because I'm in love with you, you grump! I have been head over heels for you ever since we first met, and that's why I never told you. I thought that if I went on dates, I would get those thoughts and feelings out of my head, but they never did,'' you explained, finally looking into his eyes as you confessed your feelings. What Bucky did next honestly surprised you to your core.

''I'm in love with you too, doll, fuck it feels good to finally say it out loud! I've been trying to keep it shoved away because I thought you didn't feel the same, but now that I know you do, I just want to tell you a thousand, no a hundred thousand times how much I love you, and how in love I am with you!'' he said as he let out a nervous laugh, he was completely overcome with relief and still finds it hard to believe your feelings are out in the open now. On a whim he grabbed your face and placed his lips onto yours, hoping that if it was a dream, he would have at least felt your lips at least once, but it isn't a dream, it was real, and you couldn't be happier.

''Thank god, now I can finally breathe normally around you guys!'' Sam exclaimed as he walked out of the bar with a huge grin on his face. You and Bucky quickly pulled apart and let each other go, mostly out of reflex as it kind of felt like he caught the two of you doing something unspeakable. ''Don't stop on my account, I don't care what the two of you do as long as you both keep it in your pants,'' he said and you turned bright red and you stared at the pavement, you would never get used to comments like that. ''Doll, can you look at me?'' Bucky said as he placed a finger under your chin and lifted it to meet his gaze. ''I love you, and I will never let you go now that I know you love me too,'' he said, sealing it with another soft kiss on your lips. You felt truly happy in this moment, and wouldn't change it for the world.

[pathologicalreid]

hiii :)) I just wanna say I absolutely love your work, and I love the way you write Spencer! I squeal everything I get a notification from you, honestly.

please could I request a spencer reid x female!reader where the reader suffers from trichotillomania (a hair pulling disorder.) One day spencer walks in on her having an "episode" where she stands in front of the mirror and starts pulling her hair (mostly her eyelashes) and she tries to stop but the urge to keep doing it is too strong and she physically can't stop herself. So spencer gently moves her away from the mirror and comforts her when she starts crying because she just can't seem to stop doing it and she's frustrated at herself. So he talks her through it gently and gives her advice and maybe he throws in a few positive facts to help her calm down?

Im so sorry if you find this a bit weird and you can totally just ignore this but this is something that I suffer from personally and its gotten really bad lately. So I just thought this would maybe ease it a little bit :) tysm!

resilient | S.R.

in which your boyfriend lends you a hand when your own are working against you

who? spencer reid x fem!reader

category? hurt/comfort

content warnings: possibly triggering for those with trichotillomania or other compulsions. please take caution when reading and take care of yourselves. mentions of anxiety and therapy. reader is referred to as "sweetheart".

word count: 879

a/n: hi anon! thank you for requesting! i'm so sorry this took me so long to write! i wanted to make sure i did thorough research while also trying to balance finals and work, but i finally think it turned out pretty good. i hope you like it and i love you very much.

The door squeaked open, but you didn’t hear it. Sometimes it felt like you were in your own little world, just stood in front of the mirror. It started with a long day at work, and it ended with pulling.

When you were younger, you pulled from your scalp so much that you couldn’t wear your hair down. In college, you moved to your eyelashes. Your therapist explained to you that it was how your brain dealt with stress. The way some people exercise or drink, you pull your hair out.

You got a new therapist when you moved to Virginia, you tested healthy coping habits and tried to find methods that would prevent you from pulling. A few days ago, you tried band-aids on your fingertips, but they fell off and instead of replacing them, you just pulled.

Just a few, you told yourself. Just a few to help the anxiety, you tried to bargain with your brain that was actively working against you. You put your hands down at your sides, constantly flexing your fingers before lifting your hands to your eyes again.

A hand placed on yours brought you out of your bubble, and you jumped slightly when you looked ahead of you and weren’t met with your reflection, but rather the familiar eyes of your boyfriend. Golden on the inside, just as they’d always been. “What’s wrong?” He asked you, clasping both of your hands in his and bringing them down between your bodies.

It was never his intention, but you couldn’t help but feel like a deer in the headlights. A child caught getting into something they shouldn’t have. “I don’t- I didn’t… I thought…” You stammered, not quite knowing the words you wanted to use to describe the struggle.

You looked over your shoulder at the mirror as Spencer gently led you into your bedroom, one of two designated ‘no mirror’ zones in the apartment. “It’s okay,” he whispered, his voice gentle as he tried to console you. “What do you need? What can I do?”

At his concern, your face crumpled, and tears welled in your eyes, “I’m so sorry, Spence.” You whispered, your voice warbling through the tears. Hot streams of water ran down your face, “I thought that I could just do a little. I thought I could stop,” you were fully crying now.

He shook his head, “this is a compulsion, sweetheart. You can’t just be done with it, okay? It’s alright to have bad days,” he told you, moving one of his hands to wipe the tears from under your eyes. “Recovery from trichotillomania takes time, but I’m here.” He leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead, “I’m here for all of it.”

You knew that he meant well, but his words just made more tears well in your eyes, “You’re so good.” You whispered, “I wish I was stronger.”

“You are the strongest person that I know,” he told you, holding both of your hands in his, skimming the pad of his thumb over your knuckles. “You are so strong, and you can overcome this. It just takes time,” he told you, his voice was strong and reassuring. If he believed you were this resilient, then you would just have to live up to that.

Your shoulders slouched forward, “I didn’t like the band-aids.” You admitted they made it hard to do things, and the sticky residue they left on your fingers made you uncomfortable.

He looked at your hands thoughtfully, “I read about someone who used petroleum jelly on their fingers to dissuade them from pulling. Would you be willing to try that?”

Nodding slowly, you wiggled your fingers, the petroleum jelly would make your fingers too slippery to pull your eyelashes out. You’d have to be good at reapplying, though. “Sure,” you whispered, the last of your tears running to a stop on your cheeks and neck.

Spencer sat you down on the bed before walking into the bathroom and you wrapped your arms around yourself self-consciously.

“How was work?” You called out, it wasn’t often Spencer left in the morning and came back that same evening.

In the bathroom, you heard the cabinet opening and closing, Spencer sighed. “A lot of the same. People commit crimes, I find them,” he said, walking back into the bedroom with a container in hand.

Gingerly, Spencer took your hand and started applying a layer of petroleum jelly to your fingers, focusing on your fingertips. “I’m sorry,” you whispered, focusing your eyes on your hands.

“I understand that your anxiety is making you feel like you need to apologize, but I really wish you wouldn’t apologize. Not to me, and not for this,” he murmured.

You took a deep breath, “I’m… Thank you,” you corrected yourself.

He hummed, lifting your hands so you could see how they shone, “This doesn’t define you, you know that, right? ‘The whole is greater than the sum of the parts’, and I love all of you. Even the parts of yourself that you don’t love.”

Your head lifted, and the corner of your mouth quirked up, “Did you just quote Aristotle at me?”

Spencer nodded gently, “I quoted Aristotle to you.”

Despite yourself, you smiled, “I love you too.”

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook

𝓜𝓮𝓪𝓷𝓽 𝓽𝓸 𝓫𝓮 : Things I miss

After a little more than two years of living without you, he's totally fine. No really, he is. He doesn't miss you at all. Not one bit. People would notice if he wasn't fine after all, wouldn't they?

Tags/Warnings: Angst, hurt & Comfort, Idol!Jungkook, Hybrid!Reader, Cat Hybrid!Reader, mentions of depression and depressive thoughts, heartbreak, homelessness, it's a bit heavy sorry, mentions of mental abuse and manipulation, betrayal, slow burn, eventual smut, dead dove do not eat

Dead Dove do not eat: warning for potentially triggering content that can't be tagged without spoiling the story.

Length: 2.8k words

-> Masterlist

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Today, he's having a bad day.

They've had to shoot a music video today, some of the dancers being hybrids. They only really kept to themselves, didn't interact with them or him in particular at all, but one of them had bumped into him today, leaving all her white and grey cat hairs over his clothes. They're not that many, technically. It's barely noticable at all. And still, he's washing his shirt again just to make sure her scent didn't stick.

He himself has no way of knowing. You'd notice for sure though.

He's drinking on his livestream, because he knows he has to apologize again. People have seen the behind the scenes footage at this point, and he's scrolled through the comments just to find a whole bunch of fans confused over his yet again rather rude behavior. Most write it off and focus more on his honestly piss poor attempt at making sure she was alright after crashing into him- but he knows he should've acted differently.

It's like he's stuck in a loop he can't get out of.

"Ah, yes." He hums, almost using his glass mug of iced wine to hide. It'll be fine. Fans think it's cute, after all. "I wanted to.. apologize. You've seen the video, right?" He nods, seeing all the answers flow into the chatroom on his phone in front of him. He doesn't know what to really say now. Jungkook sucks at lying, and everybody knows it. "I think you all know.. that we, you know, as Idols, have to be very careful." He offers, thinking carefully over his choice of words in order to appease everyone. If he makes it less about himself, and more about the big picture, he'll be able to pull himself out of it with nothing but a scratch soon to heal once people forget. "I didn't.. Some might get upset if we talk, or get close to girls." He nods to himself, staring into his cup for a moment. "So.. ah, you understand, right? You get what I'm saying, right?" He tries to joke, though he knows they can sense he's nervous. "I don't want people to get upset at anyone." he finishes his tiny rant, and the chatroom fills with supportive messages and hearts, making him relax again in his seat as he changes topics to something else.

He sings, drinks some more, ends his livestream later on. Everything's fine.

Until someone rings his doorbell, Namjoon wanting to visit him. At this hour? Strange, but it's not like it's never happened before.

"Jungkook- is everything alright?" He asks, taking off his shoes at the entrance of the youngest's apartment. Jungkook hums something akin to an answer, stumbling a little over his own feet as he puts his galss mug into the sink for him to wash tomorrow. Tonight, he's just not in the mood. "What happened here?" The bandleader asks, and Jungkook turns to look at whatever Namjoon is referring to- spotting the rather angry hole in his wall.

"Oh." He just says, pouting a bit to himself as he tries to think of when it happened. Slowly, Jungkook looks at his hand, suddenly feeling like his knuckles are burning. And they are- they're bleeding a little, skin scratched open. He doesn't remember doing that. Or does he?

"Oh?" Namjoon worries. "Jungkook, what is wrong with you?" He almost scolds, and suddenly the singer wants him out. He doesn't want to be lectured, he's had that done to him year after year after year. He doesn't need this right now. He's done everything they all wanted- he sacrificed everything from his youth to his love to his potential future- how much more does everyone want from him?

He's got nothing left to give, really. They've taken it all.

"I'll stay over tonight, alright?" Namjoon sighs. "I don't think you should be by yourself like this. We'll talk tomorrow when you're sober." He offers, walking around to a room he remembers being a guest room at some point. But its locked- and as soon as Jungkook hears the hauntingly familiar slight creaking of the handle of that particular room, he snaps his head around, angry.

"Leave that." He barks out, irritated.

"Why is it locked?" Namjoon wonders, genuinely confused, and a little bit concerned as well.

"Because no one's supposed to go in there." The singer says, flopping down on the couch before he turns on the TV.

"Not even you?" The rapper questions, sitting down with a respectful distance next to his bandmate.

"No." He simply answers, not looking at him as he zaps through the channels. "Because it's not my room." He mumbles more or less, alcohol in his system making his busan accent stand out thickly.

Namjoon is confused for a good moment- until he spots the colorful stuffed animal on the couch, next to Jungkook, who carefully makes sure it rather sits on the small table next to the couch so it doesn't accidentally get squished by sitting on it. "It was hers." He states.

Jungkook squirms uncomfortably. "It is hers." He growls almost, visibly not alright with you being brought up as a topic at all. He's always doing that, sober or drunk- he hates talking about you, and for a while, everyone had simply thought that you and him maybe broke up on bad terms, that you left. But only recently have him and Yoongi found out about the whole company issues regarding you and him- from the first problems starting right after he'd brought you home to him, to the more extreme things such as the end of your relationship.

"Jungkook.." He sighs, feeling bad for his bandmate. While him and the rest of the band back then didn't really support nor like the idea of the youngest living with a hybrid, no one wanted him to go through what he's going through right now. Yoongi had noticed it quite quickly, considering that the producer had gone through depression and anxiety before- it takes one to know one, he'd said.

"No, don't.." Jungkook shakes his head, annoyed. "I don't wanna talk about it. Just go." He dismisses him, brows furrowed and a frustrated look on the singer's face. "I'm fine."

Namjoon sighs, before he gets up, and seems to search around. "What're you doing?" The singer questions, watching his leader roam around kitchen drawers for something- before he makes his way back to your old room, a key in hand. "Don't you dare!" He immediately calls out, terrified and voice laced with panic as he jumps over the back of the couch- though not in time before the door is opened. Namjoon gains a small tiny glimpse of it- your bed unmade, some clothes in a hamper, dust on the shelf closest to the door- before it slams shut again, and he's pushed aside. "Get out."

"Jungkook, you have to move on-" He tries, but the young man in question pushes him again.

"I said get out!" He barks again- and in all honestly, Namjoon has never seen him quite like this. He doesn't even look angry- it's something else that reminds him of back when he was still a 13-year old child, full of fear and uncertainty, shy and unsure of himself. It hurts him almost physically to see him like this- and he doesn't know how to help him. Or even, if he can at all.

So he leaves, because in that moment, that's all he can really do to make it better.

As soon as Namjoon is gone, Jungkook is still left in the same spot, key left in the door to your room. And slowly, carefully, he opens it to reveal the self-made time capsule, everything still the same way you've left it years ago, when he'd taken you to Hanako, never picking you up ever again. It the first time in almost a year that he's standing here again, and he feels exhausted, for some reason. The door clicks shut behind him as he leans against it, sliding down to sit on the carpet floor, simply staring at what's left of you in his home.

Things are barely illuminated by the citylights outside the window, see-through pink curtains only mildly coloring them in a rosy hue. Your bed is unmade, blankets and pillows without order as they're left from the last time you slept here, unaware that you'd never return. It even smells like you, faintly. But with an almost nostalgic hint to it, making it all hurt just a little more.

There's dust on the shelves and windowsill. On the several figurines you had, the snow globes you collected. He'd bring you one from every country he visited as a souvenir whenever you couldn't tag along- which was more often than not.

Hanako, back then, would have never been his first choice for you. But he didn't have anyone else apart from her- a former translator of his band, the only one who really seemed to at least mildly care about you. You're fine with her, you'll have a normal life- he'd made sure of that after all, had given her a huge chunk of money to use on you only, any need you might have. You'll live a normal life, happy, even if it's not with him.

It was his last act of love for you, even if you probably hate him for it.

But what else was he supposed to do? Let them take you back to the carecenter, where you'd be ostracized forever? They would've never been able to give you into anyone else's care after living with him, the company way too scared of you talking to the media even though he himself knows you'd never do that. They weren't very happy with his choice either- but they at least stopped bothering him after they made sure he really cut all ties with you.

Horrible, really. Just cruel. How much more does he need to sacrifice in order to gain anything from it? How much longer until everyone gets fed up with his attitude he's got no control over these days? It'll only be a matter of time until his actions are no longer excusable, won't it?

But it's alright, even if he doesn't feel like it right now.

He's okay.

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The next few days are uneventful, and Namjoon never brings up the incident at all. It's probably for the best, or maybe he's even forgotten about it- it was really insignificant after all. He simply had a bad day, nothing else.

He's fine.

He really doesn't want to be here today however, the shooting with the fans making him horribly uncomfortable for more reasons than just one. He's already swaying on the spot, nervous about things he can't really pinpoint. Maybe it's everything, maybe it's nothing. He's not sure anymore what's the problem these days- maybe Namjoon was right. Maybe he should move on.

You won't be coming back, after all, no matter how stubborn he himself might be to this day. He can't help his behavior- but it'll be okay.

It's fine, really.

He knows that the fans understand after all, even if they don't know the reason for his rather rude behavior. He's grateful they excuse his actions with whatever theory they might come up with- he'll apologize later, give them at least some sort of bandaid to cover up the hurtful sting of his avoidance every single time.

But he can't bring himself to even look at them, not even after years in between what once was and now is. It's frustrating, really, how he can't seem to heal no matter what he does. You're stuck in his mind, every glance he takes at the young cat hybrid fan in front of him morphing into your face instead for no reason other than to spite him. But she's not you.

None of them are, or could ever be.

Jungkook can't even bring himself to think what might have become of you now. He's chosen not to know anything after all, has no way to contact you or find you again, your name and ID number changed to something he doesn't know and never will.

He knows it's better like this. For the both of you.

He loves his fans, he really does, but the way some of them will morph into monsters out for blood if they were to know of your existence and more so your connection to him; he knows he wouldn't be able to protect you down the line. You'd never be safe, you'd never be able to live a normal and happy life with him tied to your name and face.

It's the one thing he hates about his chosen life.

He poses for a picture the best he can, though careful not to touch any of the fans present in the photo. It's like the slight brush of the girl's cat tail against his pants stings him like sour acid, burning into his skin even though all that really sticks to him are a few hairs on his black cotton pants.

But even those, he immediately brushes off, bowing to the fans that leave, apologetic because he knows how awful that must've looked to her. He doesn't want to be like this, he doesn't want to come off as such an awful person, but be can't help it.

Later, at home, he makes a public post on weverse: an open letter apologizing for his behavior, and a promise to do better in the future.

Everyone understands, sends encouraging comments, and he feels even worse now, because he knows he won't change.

He can't.

Not when he's still got some of your old clothes in a backpack in the back of his closet. Not if he's still keeping your favorite comfort plushy on his couch, ready to be held by him whenever he feels particularly lonely. Not when he still tries to seek out your scent by jumping the same bodywash you did back when you still lived with him. Not when he can't let go of the past.

There's numerous theories amongst his fanbase as to why he's like this to hybrids in particular. From a past friend having died, to him being the victim of an attack at some point, there's a wild and colorful variety of explanations they've come up with over the years. Some are chilling to read, while others make him rather frustrated.

He hates that he tends to be portrayed as the vulnerable victim in all of them, when in reality, he never was and never will be. But he doesn't comment on any of the theories to keep them occupied. As long as they think they've got it figured out, they won't dig any deeper than they should.

Today it's a bit easier. Today, he's a bit lighter, having fun singing karaoke on his livestream, before he ends it to shower and go to sleep later. Today, it's not that bad, but he knows it'll only be a matter of time before he's hit with it again, memories and what-if's haunting him again like some curse put on him.

His phone rings, and he picks it up. An unknown number, probably a fan who's overstepped the line again. He denies it, before it calls again- tongue clicking as he accepts the call.

"Please don't ca-"

"Jungkook?" An older woman's voice asks, and he freezes, because even through the natural distortion of his phone's speaker, he knows that voice.

"…" he swallows thickly, collecting his thoughts for a moment before he answers back with a dark tone to his voice. He doesn't need this. "I told you to never contact me-"

"I know, I know, but I fucked up." She tells him, making him nervous. What is she talking about? "I fucked up bad, and now- the police isn't doing anything about it, and I don’t know who to call anymore.." she explains almost as if out of breath, and he's looking at nothing with furrowed brows. "Its been days, and I've honestly.. I don't know anymore, I need help, and at this point, you're pretty much my last chance."

"What are you talking about?" He wants to know, irritated by her cryptic rambling, while simultaneously feeling his blood run cold at the prospect of what she might be talking about. About who she might be talking about.

"She ran away, Jungkook." She says.

And all falls silent for a moment, as he processes what he's just been told.

[luwritesomething]

hi!! i'm not sure if you'd be comfortable with this, but would you be able to do something with billy loomis x reader where the reader is possibly plus sized and has old sh scars? if you're not comfortable with the last part i understand.

Billy Loomis x Reader: draw stars around my scars

Warnings: Swearing (probably), self-harm topics, self-harm scars, reader did self-harm but now is better, bad reaction at first, PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THESE TOPICS ARE GOING TO TRIGGER YOU.

Tags: healing, reader can be read as plus size, reader has stretch marks, reader has self-harm scars, projecting heavily

Reader pronouns: Non stated.

Word count: 1122

Summary: Billy sees Reader's self harm scars for the first time, on accident.

Author’s note: hi, thank you for requesting! this was healing to write, to be honest. as someone who dealt with self-harm for very long years, all i can say is that it does get better, you have to believe for a better way out for yourself and be very focused on your goal on staying clean. no one deserves to hurt themselves, i promise. if any of you reading this is at a very bad moment, if you self-harm, please know that my inbox and dms are always open for you to rant, even if we've never ever talked before. you can send whatever you want, do it with anonimity if you want through my inbox. but please, know that you're not alone. please, you need to do your best to get help, and if you can't, you must believe in yourself.

i never got help, and i'm still here, and honestly, i thought i would have ended all of this more than two years ago. please, please, stay strong. find your passion, stick to it. i'm leaving this my chemical romance song, because they really got me through my worst times, and the lyric "I'm unashamed, I'm gonna show my scars. Give a cheer for all the broken. Listen here, because it's who we are." really resonated with me and made me believe there was more than hurt. i'm always here for you <3

criticism, comments and reblogs are always appreciated! requests are open, especially for scream! hit that anon button and tell me your ideas. in the scream fandom, i write for billy loomis, stu macher, randy meeks, tatum riley, sidney prescott, mickey altieri, kirby reid, chad meeks martin, mindy meeks martin, tara carpenter, anika kayoko and laura crane.

Having Billy over wasn’t weird, in fact, you had grown so used to him sleeping around and staying until very late hours in your bedroom, that not having him there sometimes got lonely and awkward. You didn’t know much about the situation between his parents other than they had been fighting a lot lately, but that was enough, and you didn’t need to know more to offer a place for him to stay.

That night, you had just come out of the shower with the warm towel around your body when you heard some sounds outside your window. They were the kind of sounds stones made against wood, the kind of sounds Billy made to let you know he was outside, but you still got closer to the window to check if it was him. You saw him outside, with his denim jacket closed around his torso and his hand holding little stones he had gathered around your garden, waiting for you. When he saw you, he waved slowly and gestured to the window, for you to open it.

Making him a sign to wait, you stepped away from the window and hurried to put some clothes on before opening the window for him to climb and enter your bedroom. You settled for a simple t-shirt and cotton shorts, leaving the towel on top of your bed so you could finally let him enter.

Once you opened the window, you stepped back knowing he would climb up without any difficulty — he had really grown to master the art of climbing through your window. Billy was fast, and no longer holding the stones since you had finally realized he was outside, he appeared by your window and jumped inside with ease. 

“I’ve been outside for fifteen minutes.” He grunted as he cleaned his palms against his jeans, then pushed the rebel strands of his black hair away from his eyes.

“I was showering, I didn’t hear you.”

That made him look up, that little but still sweet smile of his appearing in his lips because God, did he like being with you — and it disappeared when his eyes landed on a particular place on your thighs, and you knew what he was looking at as soon as his eyes snapped back onto yours, something close to rage filling them up.

You had always been so careful hiding your scars. Lately, it was more because of not wanting to have difficult and awkward conversations and not because of being a constant in your life — the self-harming had stopped some time ago already, you had outgrown it, realizing that hurting yourself was something that you did not deserve. The scars were tricky to see, considering they were placed high on your thighs, and even if you wore regular shorts they were almost impossible to see, but these cotton shorts were shorter than usual. 

“Billy—”

“Tell me you’re not doing any of that shit to yourself.” He demanded, and his voice sounded as cold as ice, as hard as steel. Billy wasn’t going easy on this, and you didn’t expect less out of him.

“It was a long time ago.” You said, your voice remaining calm. It was for a few seconds, but your eyes followed him in the path to your thighs, to the scars matching the stretch marks. They were part of you now. “I’m alright now.”

The breath that Billy let out was shaky, which surprised you. He got a step closer to you, then regretted and backed away slightly. You knew his eyes were now scanning your arms, and you knew that, if he looked hard enough, he could also see the ones there — that, or you were the only one who could see the invisible traces the razor had carved into your skin in your worst moments, which was also possible. Some sights were impossible to forget.

“You are okay?” Billy asked softly, with a reason to doubt you. You had been dating him for months, being friends for years, but you still hadn’t told him — you had let him figure it out, by accident. 

You nodded. “I promise. I am. I’m clean, I’ve been clean for more than a year.”

Billy nodded slowly, almost like he wasn’t paying attention — but you knew he was. His steps were quick when he walked towards you and pulled you into a swift, loose hug, his chin resting on your shoulder. You closed your eyes and wrapped your arms tight around him. You wished you could go back and show that moment to your past self, as a promise that everything would work out, that you deserved better. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked in a whisper, and if you didn’t know him better, you could have sworn his voice was strained with emotion. It was. “I could’ve… fuck. Don’t ever do that again, please.”

“I know, I know, it was just…” You shook your head and let yourself hug him a little bit tighter. “It was difficult, bad timing and all… I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry I wasn’t there—”

“Billy, it’s not your fault.”

Billy pulled back slightly from you, looking into your eyes in earnest. “It’s not yours either.”

You smiled softly, and caressed his cheek with tenderness written all over your face. You hadn’t loved anyone more in your whole life. “I know.” You said, nodding your head, and it was true.

Billy watched you again, carefully, from head to toe, and only closed his eyes once he convinced himself that you were alright. It wasn’t something violent to see, it was calming — his worry for you, although at first rather rough and unmoving, healed the open wounds in you that always tried to lead you back into your old ways. The sickness of the addiction had been the worst, wanting to stay clean but slumping again, and again and again, but you were better now. You should have believed when you had heard that things would get better.

In silence, Billy pointed at your bed with his head, as his hand slid into yours firmly but softly. You only nodded, and put the towel away before you two slid into your covers. His hand wrapped around your hips, and it took you a little to realize that his fingers were deftly tracing your scars around, small tickles caressing your skin.

“I’m okay.” You muttered with a little smile on your lips, looking up to him.

Billy hummed lightly, and his lips came to your forehead, kissing you tenderly. You searched for his free hand and shifted around to find a comfortable position, snuggling against him, and feeling calm for the little, incoherent drawings his fingers made into your skin.

[thewonandonly]

23:51 — why don't you get it? can't you get it? understand, they're gonna execute the mother, to elevate the man. they're gonna propagate the killer, eliminate the youth. | digital silence by peter mcpoland

trigger warnings: this extra contains heavy subjects such as strained family relationships, child neglect, drug/alcohol abuse, and mentions of mental illness. please read at your own risk.

it was barely enough time to take a shower before your father decided it was time to shut off the water. so, you decided against it as a whole. the last time you showered was almost two weeks ago, at san's house.

the milk crates that held your mattress up were uncomfortable on your spine, the middle of the mattress sinking downward, making you have to sleep on the very edge of the bed. it was hardly your room anymore; your mother and father's clothes littered the floor, covered your makeshift desk and the stool you used as a child.

you laid on the bed, staring at the ceiling and watched the daddy long legs in the corner catch a mosquito in it's web and quickly dashed to the area the mosquito landed.

in all honesty, in this house, the daddy long legs was your only friend; protecting you from harmful creatures, keeping you company in the empty space. with your youngest sibling living with your grandmother, you were the last one to be left in the room.

fuck it, you sat up, i'm taking a shower.

you crept down the hallway, sticking to the wall like a daddy long legs to avoid the squeaky boards, before you lifted the door slightly so the hinges didn't squeak and stepped into the bathroom.

you started the shower head, the bath tub already filling from the clogged drain of hair, soap and oils. your father promised to clear it out, but, he never did. just like how he promised to take you to the park after you got your new bike for your birthday. that was before he sold it to get his next hit.

you only just started to undress when a knock came from the door.

"what do you think you're doing this late?" your mother shouted over the water.

you sighed, pulling on your shirt and shorts to go open the door, looking at your mother's sunken cheeks, deep set eyes and blisters the covered her skin, especially her fingers, "i was just going to clean the bathroom a little. mop and everything."

"your father is about to turn off the water." she rolled her eyes, "we won't have hot water for a week. he needs the water heater."

"what for?"

"aren't you the child? don't question me!" her voice raised and that's when you knew; he needed the water heater to sell. "once you get into the sciences, you can have all the hot water you want."

you hated when she brought up the future she wanted for you; pharmaceutical science. you didn't want to do that; you honestly weren't even smart enough to do it.

ever since your parents got into this lifestyle, your grades have suffered. you only went to school because it got you away from their house and their fighting. you would eat alone at lunch, since seojoong started living with your grandmother and since san had second lunch, whereas you had first.

you didn't focus in class, you hardly even participated. you weren't a good worker, and you didn't even know how to study properly. homework never got done, tests got failed. but your parents never cared. they never showed up for your meetings with the principal.

and you couldn't just tell the that your parents sold your youngest brother to your grandmother, or that you haven't taken a decent shower in two weeks. or that you only got to eat at school.

or that they would take a copious amount of drugs.

because if you did, you were going to be put into the foster care system, and then, you'd have to work from the bottom up again.

so you just swallowed your pride and told them that your parents were at work, and that you would pass on the word to them when you got home.

but, you never did. you always let the wound fester, and then eventually forget about it.

if anyone asked what you wanted to do with yourself in the future, if you got away from this torture of a family, you'd always say the same thing.

"i'd want to be happy." you shrugged.

it made sense, right? to do everything you love while being happy.

if you had the choice, and the money, you would sign yourself up for sports. you know san and his family would come watch. maybe even grandma and seojoong.

"you're right, mom." you smile at her, as everything began to play in your head; the tears, the strained words, the hospital visits.

because of all this, you can't even trust your instincts. is smiling so bad that it'll cause you to get yelled at? is even telling her she's right going to get you in trouble?

"i know i am." she forced herself into the bathroom, and you stopped the running shower before wandering back to your room.

the daddy long legs sat there, staring at you.

and you stared back.

he was the only one who witnessed everything.

if only he could speak.

PARK SEONGHWA is a stone-cold, cantankerous punk-rock player. He hates everything about the world, and if he had just one chance, he’d do anything to keep the best thing about the world in his arms; you, the complete opposite of everything he’s ever built up to hate.

TAGLIST ;; @punks-rad​​​​​ @atinytinaa​​​​ @prince-mingki​​​​​ @dear-dreamie @yoongiigolden​​​​​​ @noonaishere ​@naiify @kodzukein​ @layzfeelit @dandelion-aj @popcatx0 @aestheticsluut @aggiebackstage @agustdpeach @diorsgyu

copyright © 2023 thewonandonly. all rights reserved.

[nevis-the-skeleton]

Black Bird Fazbear Fright : Why it's a bad representation of school harassment

Hello everyone, today we are going to talk about one of the Fnaf Fazbear Fright stories: Black Bird. Well, I would like to warn you, I didn't read the story, because it is not available in my country, but I saw Dawko's summary, and I documented myself as best I could to have the best vision as clear as possible. And, from what I've seen, this story is frankly… Not bad, but it has a very bad moral! Not about apologizing and forgiving, but about the representation that is made of school bullying.

For the summary, a boy named Noel, who has harassed a girl in the past is pursued by a demon bird who haunts him and plunges him into the guilt of his actions, and the only way he has to escape release it and apologize to those to whom he has harmed. Well, that's a very rough summary, but it's so that those who haven't read the story can follow, because I think it's important that as many people as possible know what's wrong with this story.

Bullying is bad, yes I know I'm not learning you something, but apparently the author doesn't think so, or presented it in a very bad way! First, when Noel tells his friend Sam that he bullied a girl, he laughs about it, and it's only because Sam tells him that it's not funny that he questions himself a little. Come on, I can understand that, if he wasn't aware that what he did was wrong, why not. But, I think that from the moment you put a dead mole in someone's locker, it's not to make them laugh! It’s clearly meant to do harm!

Already, this point prevents me from becoming attached to Noel, but even then it is not that problematic, as long as the character questions himself, which he seems to do. The problem is how he questions himself, why he does it. Basically, he's being chased by Black Bird and his girlfriend is telling him that he should apologize to the girl he bullied. He says he's going to do it, but the second Black Bird is absent, he withdraws, like: "oh come on, I'll check that he's really there, because frankly I don't want to apologize." He didn't say it like that, but that's really how I felt it.

And it’s only because Black Bird comes back that he decides to apologize to Christine! Man, you can't be more selfish! He only apologizes for his own well-being, because he is afraid for his life! If my bully came back to me, with someone holding a knife to his throat, and forced him to apologize, I would not consider his apology valid. Since he's fucking threatening imminent death! So that’s already a very big negative point, but it’s not the worst!

When Noel goes to Christine, who seems to be doing very well (she is in good health, she has lots of friends and everything), she does not recognize him. Like, bruh, no actually! That's not how it works! A bullied person generally doesn't forget their bully, and certainly not the one who called her fat and shoved dead f*cking moles into her locker! This is basically not possible! But it's not just that, and honestly that's what triggers me the most, she thanks him for bullying her, because it made her stronger, opened her eyes, and allowed her to get better.

…

Really, I don't have the words… What kind of bullshit is this? What kind of morality is that?! What it teaches the reader, indirectly, is: “Bullying is good, it allows people to improve!”, “Come on, tell this shy kid that he’s fat and ugly, so he’ll start playing sports and take care of his health!” NO! NO! and NO! Sorry, but I'm angry right now! There is nothing more destructive than school bullying! This shit kills people every year, it doesn't help anyone, and it certainly doesn't make you better! It's not a funny thing, it's not a joke! This is truly the worst moral I have ever seen in a story!

Remember one thing: apologizing is good, forgiving is liberating, but bullying is the worst creation of humanity. That's all I have to say about this story, I'm sure some will disagree with my opinion, but I really needed to get this out of my mind.

[chzdavmpr]

Goodnight Punpun Reading Diary Volume 2

Content Warning: I try to avoid going in detail about the more explicit parts of this story, but this does book gets real explicit for a while, so I'll still warn here that this post will discuss a plot point about abuse and sexualization of a minor. Also if you plan on reading this book yourself PLEASE LOOK UP THE TRIGGER WARNINGS FIRST CAUSE THAT'S JUST THE ONE I CAN'T AVOID TALKING ABOUT

Theory: perhaps "God" represents a part of Punpun's inner thoughts. (Note: I tend to be pretty bad at picking up on themes and symbolism in a story before finishing it, so for some of you that statement is probably pretty obvious.)

There's 2 of him now???

With the wager Punpun and Yaguchi set up it's very much them ignoring Aiko being her own person, but for different reasons. For Punpun he's in his incel arc but for Yaguchi it very much he more has his own issues in how he sees himself that he needs to overcome before he's ready for any relationship.

In volume 1 I thought Punpun's uncle was a chill dude, but he not only has a pretty cynical outlook at life, but he thinks his own sister should die just for having armpit hair, but gets off to a vhs labeled "high school hotties" and now I think I hate him. [Note from after finishing the volume: it get's worse. Now I 100% hate him]

Ok so either we are getting guy-with-afro lore that he works the this karaoke bar, or he's just a gag character that the author puts everywhere for no reason

Uh oh. UH OH. I see where this flashback is going STOP USING THE SAME WORDS YOU USED FOR THE POTTERY TO DESCRIBE THE 16 YEAR OLD!

As of the end of "part 3" I am very uncomfy. And that's probably the point, it forces the reader to be like "that's fucked up" and then look back at that whole date scene that was played mostly wholesome and say "this whole situation is fucked up" (which they probably should have already but the legacy of Scott Pilgrim has taught that you can never be too obvious with this stuff).

They have a lot of zoom ins on Yuichi's eyes in the scene where he brings- what's her name again (checks list of important characters at beginning of part 4) oh shit her name hasn't even been said. That makes this even worse then I thought.

Back to the point though, the scene in Yuichi's apartment has a lot of zoom ins on his eyes being drawn in a more human and realistic manner. I think this is to remove that "goofiness that undercut the darkness" I talked about for Vol 1. If this scene played out and was constantly showing Yuichi as a little bird in a crude artstyle it would make it easier to look past the monstrous behaviour of him by writing him off as "silly." But I feel the author really wants you to stew in the uncomfortability of this so that you really grasp that Yuichi is a bad guy.

Since Yuichi is the one telling this story, I wonder if he's lying about any details, in particular I wonder if he did actually go all the way with the 16 year old. I hope I'm wrong, but there is a chane.

WHY THE HELL IS THE CAFE GIRL STILL INTERESTED IN HIM? Honestly that makes me highly suspicious of her, cause I don't buy "love at first sight" for an appropriate motive to still be interested in a guy significantly older then you, who you've gone on ONE date with, who just told THAT story. Honestly I hope that there's more to her motive cause if not I will be honestly disappointed in that character writing.

Wait the guy who attempted to murder the mom and then set himself on fire isn't either dead or in prison? He's just fine?

The appearance of another "God" who is a different face raises a lot of questions and I don't think I have enough info to piece together an answer rn.

It's definitely healthier then being dead, but this relationship with Yuichi and cafe-girl doesn't seem healthy at all.

"God" opened his eyes. I wonder what that could mean.

So it looks like there will be a 2-year timeskip at the end of each book. Assuming Punpun was like 8 in Vol 1 he'll be like 20 in the last. Interesting.

Closing thought on the volume: This is honestly more what I expected going into Volume 1. I would no longer call this a "dark comedy." We are in full on dark drama now, just with some goofy elements.

Looking back at my notes I had a whole lot more to say about Yuichi's story then I did Punpun's, and I'm trying to think about why that is. Cause Punpun's story is one which I feel I probably should have more to say about but most of the time I'm just kinda along for the ride and don't end up having much to write notes about. The only thing I can think of that I probably could comment on is how Yaguchi is like the only morally good character (except maybe cafe-girl) in this whole volume.

I think part of this is that Punpun himself isn't really the strongest character to me. I know about him, how he feels, what he wants, but him rarely talking and has almost non-existent body language so his scenes flow weird. He can't really bounce off the other characters. I hope that by the end of this story I have less of an issue with this.

While reading this volume I also, as an exercise to get better at media literacy, tried to ask "what is Goodnight Punpun about?" What is the main thing this story is trying to tell? My conclusion so far is that I have no idea. My best guess is it has something to do with how being surrounded by negative influence can make someone worse. Which I guess isn't the worst first attempt at figuring out the theme. But with later reading diaries we'll check back in with this theme and see if it holds up.

Also I realized I only used 1 image for this, and it was for basically a background detail. I should be more liberal with them next time.

[maidragoste]

Hi sweet :)

On a ask you wrote this when you answered(

“ I anticipate that Reader also has his "you are no son of mine" moment”.

Please please don’t. This would make me hate the reader.

Being told this by your mom or even your dad is just awful. Speaking sadly from being abused. Sometimes the emotional and mental abuse from what they said to me was worse than the physical abuse. Sorry I just went really personal there. Sorry.

I thought the Queen was going to be a good awesome caring mom but it seems like she is going to be from what I read from your answering questions.

I love this series and I love how you have done it so it’s with Aemond and Aegon. We need more of these fics. The reader having both of them. ;).

-🌸⭐️🌹

Hi anon!. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I hope that at least you were able to get out of that situation or that things are better ❤️❤️

My intention is that everyone can enjoy my writing. I honestly never thought the Queen and Baelon's relationship was going to be a trigger for anyone. I'm sorry.

Maybe I could get rid of the Reader dialogue by saying "you are no son of mine" but the relationship between Reader and Baelon will remain the same. At least in this canon I can't imagine them any other way… I would have to change Baelon's personality just to make them get along better. It would basically be creating a new character and I already have things planned so…

Baelon's role is important to the future of dynamics within the entire family. Due to his actions, his family is divided and his younger sisters have to play roles for which they were not prepared.

I confess that at first I was afraid to publish things from the future of the series because I knew that Reader as a mother would be somewhat controversial, because she doesn't treat all of her children the same, but honestly I didn't want to write her being perfect. We all have flaws and from her perspective she's just trying to do her best. Of course, no one deserves to hear those words from their parents, and they don't have to live up to their parents' expectations either. I just like to think about complex dynamics and try to prove each side's point of view.

Again I'm sorry you went through that. I could put warnings to prevent you from reading that. I don't know

I'm glad you like the series and hope to hear from you again in the future. Thank you very much for writing me 🥰🥰💕💕💖💖💖

I hope that nobody bothers my answer but if anyone wants to continue talking about this my inbox is always open and I will read them with pleasure

[warwickroyals]

GENERAL DISCUSSION OF TRIGGER WARNINGS FOLLOWS - MENTIONS OF PREGNANCY LOSS, VIOLENCE, AND GORE FOLLOWS

I can't lie, it's crazy to me that just over a year ago I was borderline harassed for not putting an ask I received about how my characters reacted to a miscarriage under a cut. The post was tagged with the TWs, and contained no visuals or graphic wording but some people became extremely hostile when I tried to explain why my reasoning for not hiding the answer. Some people were polite, and I learnt how to make my story more accessible to them, but others were just plain hurtful and I got the vibe that they weren't trying to help at all.

Now, I guess it's acceptable to have posts with graphic violence, blood/gore, and general NSFW content all above the cut, with no warnings on the posts themselves save for the tags. I've seen posts that depict everything from gun violence to images of decapitation on simblr this past year alone. And you know what? That in itself is fine and I'm glad people can express themselves in a way that's comfortable for everyone. My issue isn't with other people telling their stories however they want. However, I can't lie the double standard does bother me a little.

It bothers me that the anons I got never apologized after I expressed my discomfort, in fact I continued to receive patronizing anons about proper TWs on several more occasions throughout that year. Frustrating, because these anons felt trivial (when I didn't put things under a cut I was triggering people, when I put mentions of things under a cut I was hiding important information despite having previous warnings not under a cut). What was even more bothersome is that I know for a fact that people "behind the scenes" were gossiping about how triggering my story was and used it for an explanation as to why they cut me off, basically implying that I was a bad person or morally corrupt. I later learned that these were just excuses, but it still impacts me. I'm always worrying if someone will send me anon hate or if I'm a toxic person. Having that stew in my mind for so long made me doubt my self-confidence. I've had to remind myself several times that I'm not the only person on simblr or even royalty simblr writing about suicide, substance abuse, and trauma. Still, I felt like a pariah and it took quite a few months to get over that.

Anyway, this was just a little vent no one asked for, but I honestly believe talking about it openly is healthier for me than having it eating away at me for so long. I'm entitled to speak about these things and be open. This isn't a way for me to stir the pot, but rather a way for me to just get some closure and just move on. Now I'm very confident in my story and I can't wait to continue posting content on Monday :)

[villains4hire]

🔥 [[ topic...how about ship wars? Or you can pick something else it you prefer! ]]

//I'm gonna put this under a readmore because of the graphic content I've seen and I'm not gonna be not so nice about it. I track anons as a warning to anyone eager to send me something over this. Anyone reading this has been warned about extremely triggering content. As I will be covering this from top to bottom from how much grief ppl have caused in the rpc over ships.

-

First off: We're gonna start off with the heavy shit such as rape, pedophilia pairing stuff in the communities bc it's not as much of an issue in tumblr anymore. Though while still there sometimes? It's still an issue in other platforms like twitter.

So rape can be portrayed and fade to black, but I don't think it should ever be actual smut or part of ships or anything that someone can get off to or said it's a good. Because you're pretty much just making fetishist rape porn at that point. Same for pedophilia as it can't be positive for something that extreme or show that it's okay. That's just flat period and something other than background or darker settings should never really be an outright element otherwise as most of the rpc does not want or care about that shit. There's no such thing as antis when it comes to that, you either support pedophilia/rape in positive lights, portrayals or just outright want porn like a sick fuck but you're too much of a spineless bitch to admit it, period. What it doesn't mean: that you can take things like Jasper's forced fusion or call the character a rapist for doing inhuman things to begin with or 'toxic relationship where she's a rapist/pressuring Lapis for what you see as sex'. You're mentally deranged for making that comparison and yes, this is a REAL thing that actually happened in tumblr SU and twitter SU discourse and it was super braindamaged and then the same ppl. Fucking kissed Lapis's ass when it was revealed she was the controller of the power dynamic bc their lil uwu snowflake glorbo was suddenly the rapist by their logic and defended her in a panic. Fuck off, don't make those stupid ass takes toward kids media to begin with you fucking morons. You CAN take media that's not exactly adult and add elements and all that, but for the love of god, try to make some sense, not go too crazy, as most don't but when they do? It's so mentally unhinged and I'd almost argue actually delusionally braindamaged. As I will use that word for this bc it is, I don't want to see that kind of themes in open kids media/rp blogs unless you're a centered adult rp blog like I am that bar kids from seeing it. That's fine, you can have tragic backstories and all that but be open about it in your bios, rules of what you do, don't spring the topic of SA or such elements when doing that kind of fandom by surprise or having it unlisted unless you never plan on talking about it openly/openly rp someone being faded to black or a memory like ffs.

I say this stuff from top to bottom as Camp Camp, Rick and Morty on the tumblr fandom and more had people openly shipping Morty with Rick and posting porn in the main tags before the porn purge. Then same for Camp Camp with David and the Campers or even ppl in the rpc being into that shit. Like, it was bad, really bad back then years back. Like some of it may seem unrelated, but a lot of it stems from 'shipping wars' or ppl claiming someone's an anti for very GOOD reasons bc they're actually just covering ass for someone else or their own for sick fantasies.

Moving on.

-

Secondly: you can have toxic ships, surprise, surprise. So long as it's just an abusive relationship in a couple, I don't care.

There are bigger problems in the to world to worry about, and yeah, so long as it isn't like a thinly veiled mask for hating women, men, or some other group like a race or gender identity/sexuality. It's really whatever honestly, be smart about it, as is your character a misogynist/bigot and it's clear it's a part of their established canon or an oc that's a prick and not a good person or meant to be? Then yeah it's fine, ppl don't need to bend ass over backwards to explain themselves or cover their ass or explain themselves to you, you're not entitled jack fuck, so eat it. I don't think taking aspects like SU's fusion or other things in kids media for toxic relationships should ever go beyond: 'toxic' or showing this relationship is 'bad' and here's a generic example why to a power dynamic. I think if you DO want to go a darker route, you need to be a purely adult blog, not push that garbage in the broader rpc or fandom space as if it's a children's media, don't be a deranged moron about it. Thanks.

-

Thirdly: I myself have been harassed for Verosika (When I had her) and or Stella bc of their relationship to Blitz or Stella as thinly veiled anons.

I have tracked these ppl's IPs and for a time had them blocked or kept them blocked. People are not your punching bag for portraying a ship you don't like even if IC unprompted or making it unclear it's not an IC prompt, as when you talk with your feelings for an ask, it's pretty clear you're an insecure dumbass about your precious glorbos in a gay ship or ship getting ragged on by something ic to the point you need to go ass overbackwards to defend it or even send unironic hate disguised as an ask prompt.

-

Fourth: no one gives a fuck about your OTP or NOTP outside of your space, even then it's questionable. If you can explain it in a healthy, non-passive aggressive manner or to the point of not being vaguing, then fine, go ahead. Criticism is always fine, always will be. Otherwise? Stfu, no one cares about your negativity, and no one cares if you have a problem with someone liking a ship.

-

[nicoline1998enilocin]

Dear Diary

PAIRING | Sebastian Stan x Actress!Female!Reader

WORD COUNT | 4.4K

SUMMARY | You've had a crush on your co-worker Sebastian for as long as you can remember, and you often write about him in your diary. When you accidentally leave it in his trailer, he can't help but look into it, and find out about some fantasies you have about him.

WARNING(S) | This is your official trigger warning. Do not proceed if any of these topics upset you. Smut [ Nudes via text, video of male masturbation, daddy kink, praise kink, oral (M&F receiving), fingering, protected sex, squirting, nipple play, female masturbation, male masturbation, cum swallowing, use of a sex toy, little bit of aftercare ], swearing.

Likes and reblogs will be very much appreciated 💜

Main Masterlist | Sebastian Stan Masterlist

You couldn't help but fantasize about your co-worker and good friend, Sebastian Stan. You have shot a few movies together and over time you have developed a pretty close relationship, which turned into more than just friendship on your side. Luckily for you, you've been keeping a journal since you were 16, and to this day you enjoy writing about your deepest, darkest fantasies, which are more often than not about Sebastian. Since the two of you started filming the movie 'Endings, Beginnings' together, you were practically fantasizing about him all day every day, making all of your scenes just that much more believable.

Dear Diary,

Shot another pretty hot scene with Seb today, we filmed a make-out session today. I'm wishing he would do the same with me every single time, but I'll take what I can get. Feeling his tongue slide against mine felt almost natural, and his hand brushing on my face gave me goosebumps. We have a few more spicy scenes coming up, and I can't wait.

Been thinking about him a lot more recently, especially since starting this movie. I'm thinking about maybe making a move soon, really need to get some good sex soon, otherwise, I'll crumple up like a sad leaf. Honestly, I can't stop thinking about Seb eating me out, and I'm not sure how much more I can take.

Shot another sex scene today, and it's harder to not let the lines blur. Need to make a move on him soon, so he can rail me like no one ever has before. Just got myself off by thinking how good it would feel to feel him inside me for real, wishing it were his fingers instead of my own. Need to let him ruin me soon.

Everything was fine and well, until Sebastian asked you to come to his trailer, saying he wanted to run some lines with you, before the next scene. You happily agreed and went over there, deciding to finish writing in your diary later. You slip it in your bag and walk to his trailer, softly knocking. ''Come in!'' he says and you open the door, smiling brightly at him. ''Hey Y/N, thanks for helping me out, I just can't seem to get into the flow of this scene for some reason, so I hope this will help,'' he said, smiling back at you. ''Yeah of course, I'm always happy to help,'' you say and you put your bag down. Sebastian got you something to drink and accidentally knocked over your bag, but neither of you noticed your diary slipping out.

You run your lines a few times and once Sebastian's comfortable with it, you get up and grab your bag, not noticing your diary is missing now. It slid under the couch you both were sitting on and when Sebastian closed the door of his trailer behind you, he found it, opening it without a second thought. He was thinking maybe it was his, but he didn't recognize the handwriting. He did recognize his very own name though, seeing it written many times on the pages, surrounded by your many fantasies. He read some of them and felt himself get hard almost instantly, he didn't know you had the same feelings for him as he did for you.

He had some time left before needing to shoot the next scene, so he decided to get himself off in the meantime, reading your sexiest fantasies about him to help him out. He quickly unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them down to his thighs together with his underwear, leaving his hard, aching cock to spring free. He already started to leak from his tip, so he used some of the pre-cum as the lube to stroke himself, closing his fingers around himself and slowly starting to work his hand up and down his shaft. The more he read, the faster and needier his strokes became, even whining and moaning at the feeling when his climax crept up. Without much warning he came violently over his stomach and chest, feeling completely spent after reading what he has.

Now that he knew you wanted to make a move on him, he couldn't wait. He went back to set but didn't take your journal with him, he was going to give it back later and he was planning on fulfilling some of your dirtiest fantasies you wrote about. ''Hey Y/N, thanks again for helping me run lines earlier,'' he said when he spotted you and stood next to you, almost touching your arm with his. ''You're welcome Seb, always happy to help!'' you said with a bright smile, before walking away and going to talk to the director. The last scenes of the day were shot and the chemistry between the two of you seemed to have skyrocketed, much to the pleasure of the director. Little did he know, it's because Sebastian finally found out about you and your fantasies.

~ A few days later ~

Filming was on a short break so you enjoyed your few days of freedom by spending it at home with your cat, Hufflepuff. You have been a Harry Potter fan since you were a kid, and being a proud part of the Hufflepuff house, it seemed like the only logical name at the time. Nowadays, you shortened it to 'Puff', because she's just very soft and fluffy, looking like a puff sometimes. ''Hey Puff! How is my favorite girl doing?'' you asked when you opened the door when your roommate Lily walked into the living room. ''Hey babe, how's filming? Aren't you... supposed to be filming?'' she asked and you nodded. ''Got a few days off,'' you explained and Puff was weaving and rubbing herself between your legs.

''Also, I thought I was your favorite girl,'' Lily said faking her disappointment. ''You always will be my favorite, babe, you know that right?'' you said before pulling her in for a hug, you missed her too. You lived just outside of New York, but it was still a good hour and a half drive to where you were filming, so you usually stayed in a hotel near the filming location. ''Also, filming is going better than expected, Sebastian and I have a great connection, the director even said our chemistry was practically dripping off the screen, so I can only take that as a compliment,'' you tell her, not telling you're already dripping just thinking about him.

Just when Lily wanted to respond, your phone was buzzing with a text, and you saw it was from Sebastian. ''Ah, speak of the devil! He just texted me, actually,'' You tell her and you open the message. As soon as you open it you audibly gasp and almost drop your phone at the sight. It was a text saying ''I believe I found something that belongs to you'', with a picture of a naked Sebastian, barely covering his thick member with your journal. ''Oh my fucking god...'' you mumble to yourself before locking your phone and quickly making your way to your bedroom. ''What's going on?!'' Lily asked when she followed you, but you couldn't tell her.

''I-It's nothing,'' you tell her, but she doesn't believe you. ''Show me,'' she demanded, but you couldn't do that to Sebastian, he sent you that photo in private, you were not going to show her, but it did make you want to do unspeakable things. Your phone went off again, and Sebastian sent a video of himself this time, but you didn't dare to open it with Lily still in your presence. ''Oh, it's him again, isn't it? Now I want to know,'' she said and before you could react, she grabbed your phone out of your hands and opened the video, gasping loudly. Your sound was still on, and you heard Sebastian softly whining and moaning your name before Lily threw your phone on the bed, you didn't need to see what he sent to know exactly what it was. Sebastian was jerking himself off at the thought of you.

''PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE FUCKING HIM?!'' she practically yelled at you, she knew damn well about your crush on Sebastian, and she threw your phone to the side out of obligation to you, even though she wanted to see more of him. ''In the movie, yes, but you know what sex scenes in movies are like, so technically no,'' you shrug but your face does little to hide the deep crimson color that has spread from behind your ears down your neck and chest. Also, you're rubbing your thighs together to give yourself some friction, afraid you'll combust if you don't. ''Oh girl, you will be having some real sex REAL soon,'' she said with a smirk on her face.

After that, Lily left the room because she had to go to work, and you had the house to yourself, which you would take full advantage of right now. You waited a good 30 minutes after she left before making yourself comfortable on your bed, stripping down to just your underwear and grabbing your favorite vibrator to help yourself out. You grab your phone and click on the video of Sebastian masturbating, to help yourself get off too. When you pressed play, your room instantly filled with the same little whines and moans of your name as before, and you were already a dripping mess before even doing anything.

Not wanting to waste any time, you pushed your panties aside and swiped two fingers through your folds, feeling how soaked you were before softly starting to play with your clit. You softly rub it a few times before putting the same 2 fingers inside your pussy and softly fingering yourself, really enjoying the sounds coming from your phone, together with what you're seeing. You let out a few soft moans yourself and in a wave of horniness, you decide to record yourself getting off. You release your fingers from your pussy and pick up the vibrator, setting it on your desired setting and slowly rubbing over your clit before sliding it deep inside you. You moan a little more and start squirming, feeling your orgasm getting close.

This is the moment you start recording your voice to send back to Sebastian, letting him hear how you're getting off on his video. Your moans become needier and louder, ''Oh, Seb, fuck it feels good, am a good little slut for you,'' you moan when you turn your vibrator up a few notches, making your orgasm more intense than you're used to, but you didn't care. All you cared about was giving Sebastian exactly what he wanted to hear. ''Seb, fuck- gonna cum,'' is the last thing you moan before your orgasm washes over you, and you squirt all over your thighs and sheets, the vibrator being pushed out of you due to the power of your walls clenching down. ''Wan' you to make me squirt like I just did, Daddy,'' is the last thing you said before sending it to him.

All you got back as a response was a picture of Sebastian with a lot of cum all over his hand, stomach, and chest, showing you exactly what hearing you just did to him. Shortly after you get a text with an address from Seb, saying to meet him there ASAP. You look it up and it is still an hour's drive from your house, so tell him you'll be there in 2, giving yourself some time to shower and get ready. You decide to wear a sexy red lingerie set for him, showing off all your curves just the way you like. You throw a simple dress over it, knowing that won't matter and when you're ready, you walk out the door to make the drive over to the address he sent. You arrive there and park your car in the driveway.

~ 2 hours later ~

You take one more look at his message to ensure you're at the right address and when you confirm you are, you walk towards the front door and open a few buttons at the top of your dress, showing a bit of your lingerie and you ring the doorbell. When the door opens you let out a gasp of horror, because it's not Sebastian opening the door, but an elderly woman who you can only assume is his mother. ''Shit,'' you mumble before quickly closing the top of your dress, but you already know she's seen your lingerie. ''Can I help you?'' she asks with her Romanian accent shining through, you quickly assume this is her house, which is why she's here. ''Uh, I'm here for Sebastian, but if it isn't a good time I can come back,'' you quickly say, extremely embarrassed now.

''Seb, honey, there's someone here for you!'' she says into the house, and you hear Sebastian walking up to the front door. ''I've got it from here Mom, thank you,'' he says and she walks back into the house, and he doesn't even attempt to hide checking you out, doing it openly. ''Fuck, I can't wait to see what you're wearing underneath, baby,'' he says as he grabs your hand, and your dress falls open again, revealing the top part of your lingerie, hugging your breasts nicely. Sebastian lets out a little gasp, and you don't need to look down to know he's hard as a rock right now, almost achingly so. Without saying anything else he drags you into the house and up to his bedroom, where he doesn't take much time to take your dress off.

''Jesus fucking Christ, you're gonna be the death of me in a fucking outfit like this,'' he said as he took a step back to fully take in your red lingerie. ''You like it, Daddy?'' you ask, taking your bottom lip between your teeth and giving him a sensual look filled with lust. ''You're even sexier than I imagined...'' he said as he walked over to you, already taking off his shirt and throwing it on the floor beside him. You thought he would manhandle you and be rough, but he was the complete opposite, but you wouldn't mind either way. You've been in some relationships where you partook in BDSM, so you can handle a lot, even though you've left that life behind since your last relationship. Sebastian going nice and slow is exactly what you need right now.

He placed one hand on your cheek, and his other hand on your hip whilst looking into your eyes for permission to kiss you. ''Seb, I need you to kiss me, please,'' you ask him, your submissive side slowly slipping back into place, just like it never left. And with that, he softly placed his lips on yours, and you could tell he wanted to savor every single second of it as if he was afraid that you'd evaporate if he went too fast or rough. You let out a soft moan at his gentle touches, and you snake your arms around his neck, pulling him closer softly. The hand on your hip slowly starts to wander around and stroking you on every single inch of skin he could reach, and he opened his mouth to slide his tongue against yours, asking for permission to enter. You happily grant it and his tongue slips inside, stroking yours with a tenderness you've never felt before.

When your hands move away from his neck and down his chest, he can't help but softly groan when your hands graze over his nipples, noticing how sensitive he is there. You pull away from him and can't help but give him a soft smile, ''Someone's sensitive,'' you say before lowering your head to his nipple, grazing it with your teeth and sucking on it a little bit, giving the other one a bit of a rougher treatment by pinching and rolling it between your fingers. This earns you a deep groan and he can feel his cock twitch at the sensations, but he welcomes it. You switch to his other nipple and now tug and pinch the one you just sucked on and grazed, making them both hard for you. ''Now I'm not the only one with hard nipples,'' you joke as you come back up, attaching your mouth to his again.

This time it is Sebastian's turn to play with your nipples, but first, his arms make their way around your back, unclasping the bra and pulling it off your shoulders, throwing it in the same direction as his shirt earlier. Your breasts are extra sensitive now, and your pussy is already soaking wet, but you're both enjoying this soft foreplay way too much to go any faster, you want to completely get lost in each other's touches and sounds. He grabs both your breasts at the same time and toys with your nipples a little bit, earning him a deep moan from you, and your knees are starting to buckle a little under his gentle touches. ''Seb, please...'' you say, not sure what you're asking for but he seems to understand it without needing an explanation.

He lets go of your breasts for now, and he grabs the backs of your thighs, lifting you and wrapping your legs around his waist. He walks to the wall behind you, trapping you between his muscular body and the wall so he can continue his earlier actions, as well as kiss you again. ''You're sensitive too, baby, it makes me so hard for you,'' he mumbles in your ear before softly biting on your earlobe, earning him another moan. He kisses down your neck and finds your sensitive spot above your collarbone, all the while he keeps pinching and tugging on your sensitive nipples until they're hard. He keeps this up and you can feel your orgasm coming closer already. ''Seb, need to cum,'' you tell him and he keeps doing what he's doing now.

It doesn't take long after that before you're a complete and utter mess in his arms, cumming from just him playing with your nipples, but it is still a great orgasm nevertheless. ''Doing so good for me baby, such a good girl for Daddy,'' he whispers and you can feel your pussy practically dripping all over him at this point. ''Wanna make you cum now, Daddy,'' you say and he happily complies, walking to the bed and setting you down first, so you can take off his pants and underwear to suck him off. When you pull down his boxer briefs his big cock springs free against his abdomen, and you audibly gasp, you didn't expect him to be THIS big, the picture and video he sent earlier definitely did not do any justice to his length in width.

''Such a beautiful cock for me to suck on, Daddy,'' you say before wrapping your hand around it and he throws his head back into his neck, reveling in the pleasure you're giving him already. You lick a stripe from the bottom of his shaft up to his tip before taking him into your mouth, swallowing him whole on the first go and suddenly Sebastian has never been so glad that someone doesn't have a gag reflex. His hips buck into you automatically at the feeling earning you a deep groan from his chest, and he grabs your hair, so he can ground himself a little bit. You start bobbing your head up and down while sucking and playing with his balls, already feeling how heavy they are.

''Gonna cum down your throat, baby, swallow it all like the slut you are for Daddy,'' he gritted through his teeth as he started fucking your face, chasing his high that is inching closer with every thrust. You take everything you give him and when you lock eyes with him, he gives you one more moan before spilling all his cum in the back of your throat. ''Such a good girl for me, swallowing my cum deep down your throat like the perfect slut you are,'' he says with a grin on his face. You swallow every last drop and when he pulls out, you show him your tongue so he can see you did indeed swallow all of it. ''Hm, perfect baby, but now it's my turn to see how dripping wet this little pussy of yours is,''.

You move back on his bed and Sebastian takes his pants and underwear off completely, so he is completely bare in front of you, and you would be lying if you said you weren't drooling over him right now. He sits down on his knees on the edge of the bed, gliding his hands from your ankles up to your thighs, stroking them and moving to the inside, leaning down too to get his face dangerously close you where you're soaked, and where you need him most right now. ''Seb, need you...'' you whine a little bit and he grins up at you, before ripping your panties off. ''I'll get you new ones, don't worry,'' he said before dipping down and licking from your entrance up to your mound, getting an almost pornographic moan out of you at that point.

''Fucking hell, baby, you sound so good for me baby, sound like the perfect slut for Daddy,'' he said and it made your back arch, his praises only making you want to cum even faster. He kept licking and sucking on your pussy and your clit, as well as tongue fucking you as deep as he can go inside your entrance. Your hands have found their way into his hair, and are tugging it more and harder the closer you come to your next orgasm. ''More, need more,'' you whimper and Sebastian happily complies, sliding 2 thick fingers into your entrance at once making you moan his name over and over. ''Oh Daddy, gonna cum,'' is all the warning you give before you come violently around his fingers and on his tongue, squirting all over his face while he laps up every last drop he possibly can. ''Good fucking girl,'' Sebastian praises you before climbing over you and shoving his tongue into your mouth so you can taste yourself.

''I need to feel you so bad, baby, wanna feel your cunt around my hard cock,'' he whispers in your ear and you happily agree, not able to form words at this point but nodding enthusiastically. ''Ah, can't talk anymore? Already dumb from Daddy's tongue and fingers fucking you?'' he asks and you can't help but nod. ''Get on your hands and knees for Daddy, so I can fuck that tight pussy of yours until you squirt all over my cock,'' he says as he manhandles you onto your hands and knees this time, but you're ready instantly for him. ''Need Daddy...'' you whine as he grabs a condom out of his nightstand and rips open the packet, quickly rolling it onto his hard member and swiping the tip of it through your folds to lube it up even more.

''Ready baby?'' he asks and you nod, so Sebastian puts his cock at your entrance, slowly pushing in until he bottoms out. ''Such a tight cunt for me, my fucking god, you feel amazing baby, doing so good for Daddy,'' he said and your knees almost gave out at his praise, so he held you up by grabbing your hips, and he slowly started thrusting. He wasn't in a hurry or anything, he took his time slowly dragging his cock in and out of your soaking cunt, enjoying every second of it. You start clenching around him a little, and this is when he picks up his pace, snaking his arm around you to toy with your clit. Your arms are completely giving out now so you lay your head and chest on the bed, so Sebastian can reach the deepest parts inside you that make you see stars and all you can do is become a moaning and whimpering mess underneath him.

''Gonna cum for me again, baby? Wanna cum together with Daddy?'' he asks and you whimper your answer, trying to get out something that sounds similar to 'yes Daddy' and that is when he quickly thrust into you with an animalistic pace, he needs to come inside you, but he also needs to make you fall apart around his cock one more time. He folds himself over your back as he keeps thrusting hard and rubbing your clit, before you know it you're coming undone and all you can scream out is his name, squeezing your cock out of your cunt involuntary when you squirt again, this time even more than the last and the bed and Sebastian are soaked. With three more hard thrusts, he finally comes after burying himself deep inside you. When he has completely ridden out both of your orgasms, he slowly pulls out and lets himself fall onto the bed next to you.

''Such a good little slut for me, squirting for me like that. Wish I'd found your journal earlier, wanted to fuck you for months now,'' he said with a smile and a dreamy voice, thinking about what just happened. You're still not able to talk properly, so you just cuddle up to Sebastian for some post-sex cuddles. ''That was amazing, doll. We should do this again if you want to,'' he says and you nod. ''Want to,'' you mumble before almost falling asleep. ''Shall we take a bath together? We can relax in there and you can sleep in my arms there,'' he offers and you nod, letting out a content sigh. He got up and wrapped you around him like a koala bear, so he could run a bath for the both of you. When it was done, you had fallen asleep against his chest with your head on his shoulder, and he couldn't help but smile when he got in the bath.

When the bath was done and you had woken up again, you could finally talk again. ''Thank you for everything, Seb. I've been wanting to do that for quite a while now,'' you say with a chuckle. ''Oh, believe me, I know. You don't know half of how glad I am I happened to find your journal,'' he said before pulling you closer to him. ''I did want to discuss what we are though. Are we together, or is this more of a friends-with-benefits situation?'' he asks, a bit unsure. ''I'd like to be together, wanna be yours if you'll have me,'' you say with a big smile. ''I'd be glad to call you my girl,'' he said with a proud grin on his face. He kissed you on the top of your head before snuggling close to you as you both fall into a deep slumber.

[mykinkyyandere]

I just wanted to say that I really appreciae your blog and your writing, it makes my day when i see a fic update from you, I felt like it's safe to open up to you.but if it isn't I'm sorry if my words trigger you please feel free to delete this if it does.

tw: parental abuse, beating, depression.

I know you get a lot of unfair hate from some people for writing dark fics, I'm not a doctor or an expert but I want to open up to you as someone who has lived in an abusive house for all my life.

my mother mentally abused me to the point I became terrified of making any eye contact with anyone, she made me hate my skin color,my eyes,every feature that I didn't get from her she made sure everyday that I hated it since i was a child,she even got me drugged and performed a surgery on me without my concent, then humiliated me after for the rest if her life.

my father makes me do everything possible for him and if I ever forget the smallest thing he'd beat the shit out of me and then refuses to let me get any medical attention if needed. I live in an arab country and the concept of parental abuse doesn't even exist here, I can't speak up to anyone..they'd just tell me to obey.

so as a person who lost every ounce of trust or faith in myself, I'm so broken to the point that sometimes i think i don't deserve to be loved or cared for, I still dream of someone who'd take me away and force their love and care on me even when i'm in my lowest and don't think i should be saved.

that's why i love your dark/yandere fics, it helps me cope so much when i think I don't deserve love. to imagine as if someone would take me and love me anyway even if I don't think i need it.

I have been denied of the chance to have a childhood so sometimes I long to have the comfort of a stuffed animal or a caring touch from someone, but deep down I feel like I don't deserve it either so that's where your forced regression fics comes in to save my troubled mind I honestly really love them especially the moon knight ones, I really hope you keep them coming.

so that's it, it feels a lot better now that I finally had the guts to speak up about my feelings. I want to tell you that I love and appreciate you work more than you think . and also don't listen to the haters, they have no right to attack you when you clearly put a million warning before every thing you post.. please don't let them get to your head about doing what you love❤️

TW: Parental abuse, beating, depression

Oh, darling... I'm really, really sorry what happened to you. It's absolutely safe to open up to me. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me what you've been through. 🖤

I can't tell you how sad I was reading it, but I don't want to cry because you need to be strong. I'm proud of you for holding on so far, and people have different beliefs, but in my belief, they'll experience the same thing afterlife and receive the punishment they deserve, and you'll be very happy. I know, I have friends with all kinds of different beliefs on my blog and mine is in this way. That is, when I'm sad about the painful events that have happened to me and others, but can't do anything, I try to comfort myself like this.

And you can try to comfort yourself by thinking about the possibility of getting rid of them in the future. Living alone, or anything. I'm sure you're already doing this. I hope nothing worse happens to you and you find the love you deserve. And I hope justice finds them.

I'm so glad to hear that my blog helps you, helps someone. Before I started my blog, I was just a silent reader and read for hours and hours day and night. It really gives an incredible peace of mind. I'm very happy to know that I give the same peace to others. It's really unbelievable for someone to come out and talk selfishly while people who have been through such horrible things find comfort in dark writing. I don't know, but aren't they like Karen or something?

Thank you so much for sharing it with me, I hope I was able to answer properly. Take care of yourself. 💜

[somebody-in-this-world-who-lives]

Imagine being mad about fifty bucks

Imagine being dead about fifty bucks

Imagine being mad about fifty bucks

Eleven year old fifty bucks

We were seven

These bucks are eleven

Eleven year old fifty bucks

Fifty bucks you stole from me

Killed our friendship and gave your brother to eat

Eleven year old fifty bucks

I always thought I was a generous kid

I was clingy and jealous, but I wasn't rich

I still wonder if you'd asked me

Maybe you wouldn't have to leave

You'd manipulate me but it was fine

It was my daily fine to pay for a good time

And if your problems would vanish with my plastic card

In the next bank robbery I'd be your gard

I was a kid, I didn't know how much my mom could make

When they caught you I didn't say it was a mistake

Your father apologized and you were gone

I spent the rest of the year alone

Your snacks were more expensive than mine

But I guess I never wanted to kill the vibe

You were my first friend and I trusted you with my life

So I wish you didn't cross that line

Imagine being mad about fifty bucks

Imagine being dead, about fifty bucks

Imagine being mad about fifty bucks

Eleven year old fifty bucks

It's been eleven years but I remember your name

Your skinny form and curls, all the same

My eighteen old wish I could help

But my seven year old wish you to fuck yourself

And I'm sorry but a dog has to be honest

Our relationship left me with a complex

And if my psychologist has to hear

Dear eleven year old memory, I gotta be clear

Imagine being mad about fifty bucks

Imagine being dead, about fifty bucks

Imagine being mad about fifty bucks

Eleven year olds fifty bucks

There is probably something about this that was racist

And I have overly scoured memories for it

But in the end, girl, you fucking traumatized me

Fifty bucks didn't pay off my codependency

I don't brood over this just to feel seen

I remember because you were mean

I was seven and already had a scar on my face

Your lying and pressing didn't leave much grace

But imagine being mad about fifty bucks

Imagine being dead about fifty bucks

Imagine being mad about fifty bucks

Eleven year old fifty bucks

[under-sedationnn]

the arcana: main six reacting to injured! reader

anonymous: Could u do m6 reacting to mc coming home injured? I want some hurt/comfort >:))

Warnings: talk of being injured, blood. if that bothers you or tiggers you in anyway, please scroll away! i want this to be a safe place, only :)

thanks for the request anon!! i hope you enjoy!! <3 requests for the kissing prompts and physical affection prompts are STILL OPEN. please send them in with the character of your choice (which could be any character from any series i write for) and i will create an imagine!! thanks and happy reading!!

- tries his very very best to stay calm

- you can see panic bubbling under the surface

- faust is on high alert

- slithers around your shoulders and squeezes you for a hug

- "friend! hurt!"

- doesn't immediately ask what happened, just gets you to a comfortable place to be cleaned up

- then, and only then, will he brave to ask what happened to you

- or who did this to you

- wipes the blood from your skin with very gentle swipes

- winces when you wince, and apologizes profoundly

- "Y/n, how did this happen? i thought you were just taking a quick trip to the market."

- "i fell in the market, tripped over a stone"

- "and nobody helped you?"

- in this case he's disappointed with the bystanders, but does not become angry

- in a situation where someone hurt you?

- oh god

- "Y/n, how did this happen? i thought you were just taking a quick trip to the market."

- "yeah, well, somebody had their eye on the same apple i picked up. somehow, though, they managed to push me to the ground and steal it from my hands."

- i don't even think he would know what to say

- and asra is not really the type to march out into the streets of vesuvia and seek to challenge the one who hurt you

- but he would certainly hold a grudge against whoever it was if he did find out

- and would feel absolutely awful about letting you get hurt

- his mind would race about the possibility of losing you again

- because he simply can't handle it

- and what if that person had been particularly violent or malicious? what if you had been taken??

- you'd have to comfort the hell out of him to make sure he knows that you're okay

- "asra, hey, i'm fine! i can handle myself, you know that"

- "you're right, and i know you're right. it's just hard"

- "it's still hard for me, too. the market still makes me a little nervous and i got caught a little off guard, is all"

- that would make him feel better

- would finish patching up your wounds and would make sure to bring you to julian the next day if they were too bad for him to fix or needed stitches

- would also create a special brew to help with the pain and ease you to sleep

- "why don't i go down to the market tomorrow?"

- "why? so when you pick a fight over apples, i can pay you back for all of this high quality medical treatment?"

- "well of course, surely you didn't expect all this tender love and care to be free" *wink*

- panicked doctor mode enabled

- immediately begins checking you over, asking questions

- something tells me it would be a head injury of some sort

- "oh darling, what happe- you're bleeding!"

- "julian, i'm okay! it's just a little scratch"

- "no no no you might need stitches, come sit down. i'll go get my kit!"

- there's really no use in arguing

- he has cold ass hands, so he tries to warm them up before he begins suturing the wound

- tries to be gentle, and his expert hands move quickly without any snagging

- "so, how did this happen?"

- his voice is literally trembling

- "well, i was in the clinic grabbing the list of ingredients we need for our next grocery trip and there was a puddle of... something on the floor. i slipped and hit my head on the corner of your desk"

- immediately thinks it's his fault

- like "oh shit i should have cleaned better that could have killed y/n and then what would i have done-"

- doesn't necessarily voice this, but you can tell by the silence that follows that he's feeling really guilty

- would kneel for you, head on your knees

- "y/n, i am so sorry"

- "juli, it's really okay, i should have watched where i was going"

- "i'll make sure to clean better from now on, okay?"

- would guard you throughout the night in case of concussion

- nurse juli <3

- but let's say someone had put their hands on you

- would patch you up the same way, and apologize profusely for not being there with you

- tuck you into bed and fetch mazelinka to keep an eye on you throughout the night incase of a concussion

- would most definitely be self destructive and seek that mf out

- maybe not successfully, but would try his hardest

- "i'll be back in the morning, get some rest"

- "I can find them myself if I want to, you know"

- embarrassed blush

- because he KNOWS you can take care of yourself

- "of course, but right now you're hurt. as your partner, i will do what must be done on your behalf darling"

- probably shows up the following morning with battle scars of his own

- the guards found you in the garden, passed out in the maze

- blood trickled down your arm, a large gash marking your bicep

- ran you up to the palace and immediately to the medical wing

- them]n nadia gets word

- the calm, collected queen act disappears

- abandons anything she's doing, anybody she's talking to

- "we will finish this at a different time, i have more important matters to attend to"

- she is so worried and it's honestly adorable

- very much giving "where tf are they?" energy

- god i love her so much

- anyways um

- asks the nurses over and over what happened, if you're okay, etc.

- watches the physicians and nurses like a hawk as they clean the wound and suture the cut

- and they're so intimidated lmao they never come face to face with her literally ever

- brushes your hair back from your face as they do so

- holds your hands

- would demand that you be brought to her sleeping chamber

- so that's where you wake up! how cute

- she's laying beside you, her brows furrowed

- maybe even her eyes are a little hazy

- "y/n, sweetheart, do you remember what happened?"

- patiently waits for your answer, you're still a little groggy

- you were either attacked by an animal and passed out from the fright

- or you were attacked by an armed person and was knocked out

- either way, the guards are on it

- nadia isn't letting whoever or whatever did this get away without a fight

- the palace is meant to be a safe haven for you

- for the both of you

- "well, don't you worry, we'll take care of that"

- you try to sit up but she won't let you

- "oh no, you must stay down, y/n. you are possibly concussed from the fall"

- "oh okay, sorry"

- "is there anything i can get you?"

- the countess of vesuvia, serving you in your time of need

- "just some water would be nice"

- "of course, i'll have some brought up right away"

- i literally feel like he would just start crying straight up

- cause like he has some problems anyway

- he big sad boi

- and you coming home to the hut bleeding from a gash in the arch of your foot is not helping

- picks you and carries you to the bed without a word

- just starts examining the cut

- inanna is also very concerned

- she licks the blood from the cut, she's trying to be helpful

- meanwhile muriel is stumbling around the hut looking for anything to stop the bleeding, disinfect it, bandage it, anything

- but he's not the best about keeping that stuff in stock

- keeps looking back at you with worry in his eyes

- he doesn't know what to do

- "muriel, let me see if i can contact asra. maybe he or julian can bring me a salve. i'm pretty sure i'm gonna need stitches"

- low-key makes him feel worse

- cause he feels like he's unable to care for you and keep your safe

- even tho this was just an accident

- he's breathing really fast, his anxiety creeping

- agrees anyway, but goes to get them himself

- "i'll be back soon, just keep this piece of cloth pressed against it"

- cause you're bleeding like a lot

- inanna stays behind

- he returns very quickly with julian in tow, though he doesn't look happy about it

- leaves the hut without another word

- julian gets to work immediately

- "so, you cut your foot i see"

- smartass.

- "yeah, muriel always tells me to put on shoes when i walk in the woods but i love to feel the grass beneath my feet"

- julian chuckled at this

- "and i'm assuming you, what, stepped on a rock?"

- "...yeah, sliced it right open"

- after julian is done cleaning up the cut, he tells you to just stay off of it for a while and make sure it doesn't get infected

- once he's gone, muriel trudges back into the hut

- "muriel, baby, it was just a cut it's not a big deal"

- but his eyes look hurt, and you beckon him toward the bed

- "hey," your hands on his cheeks, "i'm okay, really"

- "sorry, i just got scared. blood is still a trigger for me and since you got hurt in my woods, i felt like it was my fault"

- "muriel, of course it wasn't your fault"

- he really needed a hug

- after this instance, he made sure to keep medical supplies in the hut and you promised to try and wear shoes in the woods more often than not

- "i'll try my best to be more careful. deal?"

- sweet lil smile

- "deal."

- "oh my god, y/n, what the hell happened??"

- you were tending the garden

- without her supervision

- and the garden sheers might have sliced into the palm of your hand

- deep

- brings you over to the sink and runs water over the cut, covering it with a towel when the dripping blood had been washed away

- girl is on the move

- cause she knows what to do! love that

- low-key a main reason why julian managed to live as long as he has

- pepi is curiously perched atop one of the counters, peering down

- finds her personal first aid kit she had stashed in the bathroom

- guides you over to sit on the counter while she tries to figure out what to do

- "damn, you really cut yourself, y/n"

- "sorry! i think i just got a little carried away"

- she giggles at that, though she is still worried about the fact that it won't stop bleeding

- gently wraps the cut in gauze and adheres it together

- places a kiss to your fingertips

- "all done! no more gardening for you!"

- "hey, why not?"

- "well you don't want that cut to open back up again and again, do you?"

- "no"

- "alright then," she smiled, moving to put away the first aid kit again, "and we're going up to the palace medical wing first thing tomorrow morning to make sure it's not infected"

- eye roll

- "yes ma'am" you mocked

- even though you know it's just because she loves you

- "but since you got hurt, you want me to bake you some cookies?"

- "only if you let me eat the dough!"

- good god do i love this man

- but he is so self-absorbed it's actually insane

- and I feel like he wouldn't even notice at first

- cause he's too focused on himself

- gazing into the mirror without a care in the world when you walked in

- "y/n, thank goodness you're home, how do you feel about these pants?"

- you just hobbled to the nearest seat, hand resting over the gash on your knee

- mercedes and melchior were lazing across a rug at the base of his mirror, their attention set on you

- "u-um, yeah, they look good"

- literally just trying not to bleed out, over here

- "good? oh really, now, y/n don't they look amazing?"

- "yes, they look ama- ow, damnit"

- then he turned around

- immediate shock and worry! oh no oh no y/n is hurt!

- mercedes and melchior walked over first, whining as they took in the cut, brushing around the edges

- lucio raced over, squatting down in front of you, and began examining the cut

- "hey, hey, what happened?"

- "i accidentally tripped on my walk in the garden and scraped my knee on the cobblestone"

- he was lightly touching around the cut, gauging how sensitive it was

- when you flinched he stopped, looking into your eyes with a soft "sorry"

- "i think i need to go to the palace infirmary"

- "oh there's no need, i can take care of you!"

- you were not convinced he could take care of you, at least not well

- "uh, lucio, are you sure?"

- he looked slightly offended, at that

- "you know, y/n, i did fight in battles at one point. i have not only tended to my own wounds, but the wounds of others, as well"

- you giggled at the thought

- "much to your protest, though, i'm sure"

- he moved to the small cabinet of medical supplies in the ensuite to your bedroom, returning to your side with it in hand

- "at points, but i don't mind helping you in the slightest"

- for all of his antics, his soft side was enough to make you fall in love all over again

- and although i know he would take care of you in literally any situation, i can't say for certainty that he would stick around and place nurse lucio for long if a person had hurt you

- attacked you

- much like nadia, the guards would be sent out without a second thought, lucio leading the pack in the search for you aggressor

[bigblackgirlstanding]

Look me in my eyes

Christian Yu smut

Warning: Oral sex, suggestive/aggressive language, anal penetration, digital stimulation

Summary: Christian gets excited and completely indulged himself in you. You see a new side of him during sex this time. You kind of like it.

------------

Well, his bulge was sticking out a bit to the jeans he was wearing. He switched from one side of the chair to the next due to discomfort. His face did wince a bit from the subtle feeling he was experiencing.

It was a good thing it was dark. He had been at the club with the entire DPR gang. His girlfriend, Y/N, had decided to stay home and watch movies and head to sleep after.

He decided that he wanted to leave the scene because imagery started popping into his head. His imagination did have a tendency to get away from him even when it did not relate to work.

His mind drifted to this imagery:

Faded haze was surrounding my face making lewd facial expressions. Panting heavily with a slight shimmer surrounding my face.

He snapped back to reality at the slight pressure he was feeling in his jeans. He turned to Dabin and started to whisper, "Hey, I'm gonna go. See y'all tomorrow." Dabin nodded and continued with his night with the rest of DPR gang.

As Christian left, he waved to some of the members of DPR that noticed him leaving. He walked the streets that lead to his apartment. He decided to take drag from his vape while walking. As he moved through the different direction on the cold night, the vapor that filled his lungs flew out into a cloud. His mind drifted to the thoughts of me.

Once he had gotten to his building, he went up the elevator and stepped to his door. The pin number was a placed in and he entered.

All that he could hear was the heightened sound of the movie I was watching. I didn't hear him come in because of how captivated I was in the movie.

He put his jacket down and came to sit next to me. He went to his bed room to change into a more comfortable pair of sweats. After that, he came to sit next to me. I was a bit startled, but he couldn't tell that.

"Hey baby," I said without turning my eyes from the television. "Hey sweetheart," he said leaning closer to me. He started to kiss my neck. I chuckled at his actions upon JUST sitting down.

"Heh, what do you want," I questioned. "Gasp" he said melodramatically," can I not kiss my girlfriend's neck without having an agenda attached?"

"No, no ya can't. It's been seven years of friendship and two years of dating. I know your tricks and thought processes by now," I said matter-of-factly.

"Tsk, okay ya got me," he looked up towards me, "I wanted to try something tonight."

"Okay, what is it," I asked. "Yeeee, can we move to the bedroom then," he asked excitedly.

"Sure," I groaned turning off the television.

***Fast forward a little bit to the smut part***

He growled in my ear while gliding deeply into me. He rose to look me into my eyes. He grasped my chin quickening his rhythm into me."Look me in my eyes," he he said. "Look me in my eyes when I fuck you," I started shaking. This was a side of Christian that I had never seen before.

He was always very dorky and reserved to everyone. Even me and I'm his girlfriend. Right now, he was utterly different.

He was absolutely hungry. Almost like he hadn't eaten in weeks...No make that months. He slid into me with such ferocity I had to claw into his back to have a grip.

I needed him to come closer. He usually worked himself into me more subtly and calmly. He would hold me close to his chest while slowly gliding his member into me. He would rub my clit gently while kissing me.

The way he... The way this Christian is moving is completely different than before. He kissed me hungrily. He gripped me hungrily. He fucked me hungrily.

If I didn't know any better, I'd think this was a doppelganger trying to live a different hue to the Mr. Christian Yu. Fortunately, I've been with him long enough to know how his body and skin feels against mine and this was definitely the same Christian.

What triggered him to do this, though? I may never know.

"Baby," I gasped. I was really shaking underneath this man. In a different way than before. It wasn't fear or anything due to the difference in his rhythm. I was loving every inch of him raging inside of me.

My back was arching more than before. It was insane.

He didn't hear me. His eyes were on me while I was biting my lip while looking down at our joint centers. My titties were bouncing up and down from the ricochet of his thrusts. "Bay-BE," I whimpered louder.

He continued to fuck me intensively saying, "Huh," in response to me.

I didn't know what I was going to say anymore. My mind was not able to take this stress.

He then brought his mouth onto my nipple. Sucking on my nipple while cupping my left titty.

He circled his tongue around my areola. Making sure he didn't try to grip to hard or nibble on my titty. He lifted himself up slightly from my left nipple.

He then turned his attention to the right titty and provided the same action as he did before. He decided to lightly flick his thumb on my unattended nipple.

I squirmed even more from all the attention he was aggressively giving.

Once he had done he routine titty-check. He maneuvered both of my nipples to his mouth to suck on them. Flicking them both with his tongue.

He started to kiss up from the valley between my breasts. Up the center of my neck to my lips. His tongue danced with mine while holding me tighter.

He pulled away from me while gasping lightly atop my mouth. "Mm, fuck look me in my eyes. Look me in my eyes when I fuck you," he moaned to me feverishly.

"I love to see your (your eye color) eyes streaming into mine," he grinded deeper into my core.

"Look me in my eyes, baby. Look me in my eyes when I fuck you" he kept repeating this like a broken record.

"Oh my- I want to fuck you so hard like this all the time, yes," he said with his eyes slightly open looking into mine. He looked almost entranced at seeing me writhing from pleasure underneath him.

Out of no where I responded, " Mm, fuck yes." I gasped out and that was all I could say.

How is he able to form full sentences with this happening?

"Yeah, you like this baby. You like this, hm? Yeah, you do," the trimmer in his voice came along with the thrusts he gave. Maybe this is when he is engulfed in his own fantasy trance. He finally was able to live it with me.

He stopped for one second to grab something one the side table next to the bed. He squirted it onto his middle finger.

He moved closer to me placing his member inside me. He moved his dry hand up my back to lightly grasp the nape of my neck . He leaned into my ear and whispered, "Okay, baby you are going to feel slight pressure somewhere. Let me know if it hurts and I'll stop."

He took his middle finger that was drenched in lubricant and slowly moved it into my anus.

The new existence of pressure in my behind came as a surprise, but I liked it subtly being there. "Are you ok," he started slowly moving his member inside of me again. "Does it hurt? If it does, I can remove my finger and give you head and finish off somewhere else," he asked concerned while focused on fucking me.

Tsk, even when he is in the moment trying to get off he cares. Honestly it fucking sickens me. But this feels so good inside both ends.

He nudges the nape of my neck up to look at him. "Baby," he makes an indented thrust inside of me, "are you okay," he asks this while looking deep into my eyes.

I wrap my arms around his shoulders. "Yes," I gasped and that is all I can say while in a trance with everything going on.

"Christian-fuck...I...," I am not able to speak full on sentences in general when we have sex, but this time was extremely hard.

My leg started to shake from the moment I spoke. I came on his member while he was still thrusting inside of me.

As soon as he felt that I had come undone, he removed his member and kneeled between my thighs. Christian licked his tongue deep inside of my empty center where his member use to reside. Then he moved to my clit, licking until I finished my high. His fingers replaced where his tongue and member used to reside. His left hand stroked my thigh to calm my shaking down.

After, I was done with my high, I laid on the bed breathing deep breaths and sweaty.

Once Christian knew that he had catered to my needs, he focused on his member. He stroked himself while looking at my naked body on the bed. He bit his lip while pulling my lips toward his. He wanted to look me deep in my eyes until he had finished himself off. He kept murmuring those same words, "Look me in the eyes while I fuck you."

Even though he wasn't inside of me, I could tell from those words alone. He was still thinking of the feeling of being inside of me. Fucking me till I came. Knowing that he made me feel good. He was fucking me in his mind.

I answered him, "Okay, I'm looking." I moved closer to his face and kissed him. While kissing him, he jerked himself into his last stroke. Cumming on his hands until his member had emptied.

He lifted himself to leave and clean himself off. I got up after to use the bathroom and finished pretty quickly, heading to the bedroom before him. Afterwards, he came back to sit by me. I was laying on my stomach so he decided to rub my back and kiss me on the cheek.

"You okay sweetheart," he asked.

I looked up at him with relaxed eyes, "Yeah, I'm good. I didn't fall when I got up to use the bathroom. So I guess I'm good."

We both giggled and slept on our respective spots on the bed. It was to hot in the room to cuddle anymore.

[goji-pilled]

Okay @princekirijo you want an essay? Well here it is now, or as I like to call it Felix's "Asumari is great and this fandom has no fucking taste" rambling and infodump. Congrats fellas, thanks to Prince you ALL get an asumari essay. But before that I'll try to give you a rundown of Mari and Asuka. 

(I'm also so sorry for putting this long ass post on everyone's dashboard)

(Spoiler warning for Evangelion 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time!!)

Alright on one hand we have Mari Illustrious Makinami. Her whole deal? She's a walking ray of sunshine, literally lol. Unlike any other character in the Evangelion franchise she doesn't suffer from her trauma, she's quite literally the only healthy and functioning human being, she's just slightly leaning towards "batshit crazy" with the stunts she pulls 🤷‍♂️. Other than that she just loves living, she loves being with people, she keeps moving forward, stays positive and decides to live life to it's fullest even after she experiences loss and multiple apocalyptic events (Second Impact, Third Impact, etc.) and she really just embodies the joy of living. That's all there is to her, or at least all we know.

On the other hand, we have Asuka Langley Shikinami who is... well it's hard to explain what she is to be honest. She's part-German and part-Japanese and part of a line of clones specifically made with the purpose to pilot an Evangelion and later on be used as a sacrifice to trigger another Impact (ITS COMPLICATED I KNOW-) Asuka is, unlike Mari, very much suffering from her trauma. She doesn't have her parents and has a very deep seated belief that she's completely alone, which she says doesn't matter as long as she can pilot the Eva. She also very much wants to fight and kill angels all by herself, and it's seriously messing with her when she can't achieve that.

Now we get to the more interesting parts (hopefully this so far wasn't too confusing, then again it's Eva and even I can't fully wrap my head around it all LMAO)

In the second Rebuild movie (Evangelion 2.0 You can (not) advance) we get introduced to both of them, Mari's introduction scene (in the original English dub) has her pilot an Eva and singing about how she'll take the world on by herself, while in the third movie's (Evangelion 3.0 You can (not) redo) opening scene she's piloting the Eva again but this time it's together with Asuka (in her own Unit 02 though) and during that Mari sings about how wonderful it is not to be alone. It's nothing big yet, but it's a really cute detail me thinks,,, you know what else I love about them? They bicker and they banter and it's genuinely so fun to listen to shskdhsuwj

(For a quick catch up: During the end of 2.0 Shinji (the protagonist) triggers another apocalyptic event, the Near Third Impact, and was only stopped due to Kaworu (the guy in my pfp) stepping in. Also between 1.0/2.0 and 3.0/3.0+1.0 are about 14 years (without Shinji bc he's like comatose) where A LOT happens AND we learn in 3.0 that Eva pilots don't age physically bc of "The curse of the Eva"... honestly Eva is wild lmao)

Okay okay I'll get back to it!

So one thing that happens is that Asuka during 2.0 develops a crush on Shinji (girl why-), unfortunately things take a turn for the worse. Asuka had volunteered to be the testpilot for a new Eva (Unit 03), she seemed happy at the time and it was a really sweet build up with the "I can smile, I didn't know I could still do that."-line. And then? Then it turns out the Ninth Angel had infected Unit 03 (Angels are basically the Kaijus they fight using Evas btw). The thing goes on a loose and Shinji is forced to fight it (With Asuka inside mind you), he refuses and his father uses an autopilot to destroy Unit 03. And boy did it destroy the angel, well it and it crushed Asuka between its jaws (you can actually hear her scream btw haha pain :)).

Asuka survived though, but the whole incident cost her her humanity and she ended up becoming an angel herself/she took the place of the Ninth. But despite that, there's one person who keeps believing in Asuka's humanity, who fiercely believes Asuka is still a human and tells her as much.

Yep, that one person is Mari and she keeps holding onto that belief until the very end when Asuka uses her last resort, which is using the power of an angel (Doing so was a guaranteed death sentence btw). Mari's own words (in the German dub) were, "Princess, you're giving up being human…" AND IT MAKES ME SO EMO GOD FUCK

While I'm at it, Mari and Asuka are a fucking killer combo as a team. They rely on each other for support in combat, listen to the other's orders and advice. Especially in Asuka's case it's kind of a big deal that she so openly relies and counts on Mari's support. Like these two trust each other with their damn lifes!!! Holy shit!!

Guess what though, they also have nicknames for eachother. Mari always calls Asuka "Princess" or "(Your) Highness" while Asuka calles Mari "Four-eyes" / "Four-eyed chrony (idk how you spell that tbh RIP" Even better though, in the German dub Asuka calls Mari "Brillerella" as in a combination of "Brille" (German for glasses) and "Cinderella",,,,Cinderella and her Prince,,,Brillerella and her Princess,,, man, that was a gay fucking move of the translation team. Spoiler: I owe them my life.

Funfact: There's exactly two times throughout the Rebuild movies where Mari uses Asuka's actual name. These two times being when she watches Asuka "die" and be used as a sacrifice for Gendo's selfish plan and when later on she begs Shinji, "So please the Princess… Asuka needs your help!" And the best part? That wasn't even the first time she did that. The mentioned line came from 3.0+1.0, but she did that too in 3.0 with the, "At least save the Princess!" line (although her tone was much more...pissed, like she was really angry lol)

Remember the crush Asuka had on Shinji? Well due to the Unit 03 incident a whole lot of other shit got mixed into that and her feelings for him in general became really bitter (understandably so). Now Mari being who she is sometimes teases Asuka about said old crush but she really does want Asuka to get closure and sort that mess out. 

As an example for the teasing, in 3.0 there's a scene that goes like this (please imagine Mari with a literal :3 face while saying that):

"Unit! Are you back in the game?"

"I'm on it, your Highness. But first things first, how was our little puppy (Shinji)? Did he sit like a good little boy?"

"He's exactly the same! Same stupid face talking mayhem!"

"That goofy face of his, that's what you wanted to see? Riiiiight?"

"Shut up! I went there to bat him one!... And I feel better!"

There's also a very short bonus manga that was released in Japan for Thrice Upon a Time's release that has Mari trying to convince Asuka to come with her on the mission to get Shinji, given everything that follows, it's just another thing to prove my point. And the final bit relating to that is this:

"Feeling better now?"

"Yeah, I do feel better."

That's the exchange Asuka and Mari have after they talked to Shinji, it's nothing special but I think it's really sweet and this time Asuka actually sounded like she was feeling better instead of when she was screaming after she nearly broke pretty thick glass with her fist (If she had hit someone with that much force she definitely would've broken something omggg #violentimpulsesgang)

To get back on track though: I already mentioned it but during the second half of 3.0+1.0 Asuka "dies" (and honestly that entire scene is worth its own in-depth post because its just one huge parallel to The End of Evangelion), the point is: You can tell that the loss of Asuka honestly hits Mari hard. Not only because of how Mari screams Asuka's name but also because of her expressions. They're pained, like really fucking pained and Mari even apologizes to her that she has to fall back due to the fact that she's injured AND because eveything is going wrong.

After the events of Evangelion 3.0 these two got seperated from eachother, Mari was with WILLE (the organization both of them are with) and on board of Wunder (the ship WILLE basically operates from) while Asuka was in a Village full of (Near) Third Impact Survivors. When they do meet again it went like this:

Asuka, barely back, comes to the door and calls, "I'm back." And within seconds of Asuka stepping into their room after the door opens Mari already runs towards her, arms wide open and she says, "Welcome back, your Highness! Good job. I missed you so much!" And she says that while she literally nuzzles into Asuka,,,like,,,what the fuck gay people real!!! 

Best part? Asuka clearly has enough strength to push Mari completely away if she were uncomfortable, but she doesn't. Asuka merely wanted enough space to look at the room (because Mari managed to horde even more books lol) and play her game. During their entire renunion Mari keeps hugging her, and part of me thinks that perhaps deep down Asuka actually enjoys the feeling of physical affection.

Before we get to the last point though, let me say that Asuka and Mari have scenes in 3.0+1.0 that parallel Shinji and Kaworu's from 3.0. (Fyi Kaworu loves Shinji (yeah, like that, and 3.0 was basically them being gay as fuck for an hour) so like...do I even need to explain? 

And then of course there's also this, the "Take care of yourself, Princess…" line. That is the last time Mari talks to Asuka and as much as that line alone already is so much, it's Mari's expression in particular that kills me. Because this? This soft, almost bittersweet expression she has, as she basically says goodbye? Because she knows Asuka will finally be happy and safe? It just makes me feel so much actually. Man.

In the end it's a fact that Mari loved Asuka, wether that is interpreted as platonic or romantic by someone is up to them. But it is a fact that Asuka was loved enough that someone wanted to hug her, was happy to see her, to praise her, was hurt by her loss, wanted her to be safe, that someone told her "Take care of yourself…" Asuka was really and honestly so loved that someone would tell her, "I missed you."

But Asuka? Asuka was too hurt, too wrapped up in her own head to actually see how loved she was by Mari (and other people) that she genuinely believed she's completely alone and always will be alone.

It makes the "Take care of yourself" line hit even harder to me, because it's not only Mari's goodbye, but it's a goodbye during the one time Asuka allowed herself to be vulnerable and admit what she really wanted.

And honestly? All of this? Its makes me feel so many things and I just love them  so much man.