#I CANT LET MYSELF THINK ABOUT THIS BECAUSE THEN IT'LL GET AWAY FROM ME AND IT'LL BE A WHOLE THING

[outofboundsarchives]

Ugh thinking about incel Charlie again

/Fem reader/

CW for: slight noncon and manipulation

•This man has such an incel mentality it's not even funny. He literally stabbed a girl for not paying attention to him

•He would never force anything on you outright, but if you said you weren't in the mood, he'd try to convince you. He'd nuzzle his face against your neck, kissing your soft skin and whispering in your ear

"Baby please, it's been a week. You can't keep doing this to me"

•He'd grab your hand and press it against the front of his jeans, his cock painfully hard as he rubs your hand up and down his clothed cock

"Just a few minutes I promise, you don't even have to do anything."

"Cmon please, you know how hard it is for me to get myself off"

•When you finally cave, he would be relentless. He'd push in too quickly, not letting up as you gasped and begged him to give you a moment

"I know i know, It'll get better just give it a minute"

"Im sorry youre just-youre so warm i cant stop"

•His arms would wrap around you as he pounded into your poor unprepared body. Every time you'd try to protest or ask him to slow down he'd coax you all over again

"Please baby, just a little more. You feel so good, almost done okay?"

"You already made me wait so long, I can't wait anymore"

•When he would finish, he'd pull out, cumming all over your stomach before sliding down the bed, planting his lips against your abused cunt

•He's kind of a bad boyfriend, but he's gotta keep you around somehow

•He'd hush you as you whined, sliding his tongue up and down your slit, borderline making out with your swollen clit

•The warmth from his mouth would almost numb the soreness, and the cramping pain that would pulse against your bruised cervix. Your legs would tremble from the hot sensation and the previous abuse

•His hands would tighten around your hips as you began to lift your back off the bed, and press harder against his sloppy face. You can feel him chuckle against you as you start to reach your release, your hands finding his brown curly locks.

•He'd pull away just as you almost cum, making you spill a fountain of "No"s and "Please"s

•Begging, just like he wanted you to, because that means it was your idea after all

"What's the matter baby? I thought you weren't in the mood?"

•His fingers would push into your used hole as his tongue lapped at your clit. His eyes would be glued to your writhing body as you come undone before him.

•He'd crawl up the bed, hovering over you as you both catch your breath

"Do you feel better baby? Yeah, you did so good. Thank you for helping me feel better"

•He would help you clean up before pulling you close and running his fingers through your hair, and over your back and shoulders. He would give you little compliments that made you doubt that you weren't into it at the very beginning

"I love making you feel good, I'm glad you had a good time"

(Ahhhh nervous about using Tumblr again but i love writing here so much. Please send me some Rory characters requests. I love all your ideas🩷)

[beurkivol]

JORGE CANT HURT US MORE ISNT ? [WISDOM SAGA EDITION | SPOILERS]

at the end of the thunder saga I was crying my eyes out. But hey, I said to myself, as an unquestioning optimist. Now that all the crew are dead, no one's going to die, so no more emotional damage, it's DONE, and he can't do the pancake thing again, Jay! Ahhhh. I was optimistic and naive. I'd forgotten that Mr Jay was as crazy as I was. Or worse. So here we go, rewinding the traumas!

Legendary :

legendary spared us quite a bit at the beginning, at least all the sweet stuff with Telemachus playing Disney princesses. Only argos got me, but then argos is ‘only’ in the animatics. well, I'm going to count the animatics because I was at the livestream.

And then antinous. It's not so much the trauma as the distress of telemachus that was touching. And I jumped up when I heard antinous' words. I was expecting threats, vulgarity, in short, for him to be hurtful, but I wasn't expecting that.

little wolf

Little Wolf was also quite calm. What I mean by that is that the trio of songs shared by Athena and Telemachus can be touching, that Antinous is worrying, the songs aren't bathed in the same dark, worrying and pessimistic atmosphere as those in Thunder Saga. Athena brings light and hope to Telemachus and you think ‘that's it, a goddess against all this rubbish, it'll be over in no time’. Even if telemachus takes a beating against antinous, he's got an impressive level up and with just a little more help from athena he'll be able to beat everyone.

We'il be fine

when we'il be fine, i screamed, because ATHENA CHARACTER ARC. Because she calls odysseus her friend, she calls telemachus good kid, because you feel the chemistry between the two and it's incredible. you feel all the hope in this song, and telemachus is definitely the reincarnation of polites. And the reference to your light is sublime.

Love in paradise

the little recap at the beginning of love in paradise is nice, especially in animatic, I was riveted. I have to admit that for Love in Paradise I was really waiting for a slightly comic song where Calypso acts like a 2 year old fangirl. I totally underestimated Jay. Already. 1. the music grabbed me right in the heart. And…. sorry but the depressive part of the song? ‘ody, get away from the lenge’. I thought polites couldn't fool me any more. LOST. JUST LET ME CLOSE MY EYES, MY OPENS ARMS. odysseus's howl at the end broke my heart. You could really feel his despair. I couldn't even see ‘im a monster now’ (not the raw raw raw version the edgy version), I just saw a depressed, borderline suicidal guy. heartbreaking.

God games

god games. i was expecting a punchy, catchy, song. A great song. But i was not expecting the end. (i do a little post about, and 2 other about athena)

in other words, ZEUS STAGGERING HIS OWN DAUGHTER, HIS FAVORITE DAUGHTER. AND HER, WALKING IN THE LIGHTNING, MOTIVED BY A VISION OF THE FAMILY SHE IS FIGHTING FOR, FALLING ON THE FLOOR IN HER OWN BLOOD AND BEGGING HIS FATHER (WHO TRIED TO KILL HER) TO LET GO HIS FRIEND AND PASSED OUT OR DYING WE DONT KNOW.

do i really need to said more ? NO.

but im going to analyse all that more i swear...

Jorge, im watching you. If athena dies, im going to do something bad.

[spamtoon]

DCRC Week 12 Paperinik

Huh? Aren't we reading Missing? Yes we are BUT I forgot to read angus tales last time what a crime

If I sound dead tired its because lord school is kicking me in the behind and I'm using this as a break. Let's do this.

i like that angus tales opens up with he's a bitch and then blasts you with a contactless woman

i do like the art style though i will admit. silly. dare i say angus fangus is kinda cute here, in a doofy way

im so mad the way hes like "A RAID? GREAT!!!!"

this actually got a chuckle out of me i will admit. the eyelids really sell it for me

the artist did a good job with these expressions i. they made angus fangus silly

angus fangus got played so hard. but i support women's wrongs. or rights in this case because she's stealing from angus fangus

OKAY NOW FOR tHE ACTUAL ISSUE Missing? Special issue 1997? Like

i missed flaggstarr but not because i watned to see more of the fbi but because i like her design

she's so silly for no reason

i love the lighting on this panel so much and the contrast in their expressions and demeanors sorry i. tend to go ooh pretty panel when i do these readings i think you've noticed

"we all think sometimes... watch a bit of tv and it'll pass soon" lowkey goes hard to me im not even gonna lie

and next in the saga of its not darkwing duck but cmon... its darkwing duck... goes to. i mean tell me thats not a little activity from st canard right next door that'll go away in a day

nevermind this is actualy where the story is going

i like how after listening to his sob story donald actually fixes his raincoat if not out of a sliver of hope for change but out of solidarity for the messed up symbiotic relationship they have

can we go here. can we go here lyla lay please i wanna see the amusement pa--oh hold on, the marleybonians are calling (REFERENCE ONLY PUFFY WILL GET)

i like how lyla's robot interface just has donald getting fucking shot i'm so mad hfuirajfkgrhuihur

ooh she's being a good little robot cop. by not following orders and doing her own shit

ahh so a simple time earthquake can release the prisoners of course. no wonder the raider can just get out

im so mad 'i know you just saved everyone's life but YOURE GROUNDED!!! BACK TO YOUR CENTURY"

i think the raider should call humans mutants more often

raider you realized the duck avenger wasnt there because hes. in the tv. and i've known that since next week is so bad but i wouldn't expect anything less

cog i'm glad that uno is still just. trying his best to fight crime even though he's struggling so hard

IM SO MAD im. uno really said (corner of a party meme) he doesn't know i'm odin eidolon

odin's makeup is on point today i must say (SORRY)

SCROOGE!!!! forgot he was in these comics.

HI XADOOM!!!!! sorry im just enjoying seeing all of these characters

fheawuifheohh wahhh she's so happy but this feels so too good to be true everybody is clapping i cant

IM SO MAD shoutout to the vr technicians at the xadhoom division because honestly they deserve credit for faking a whole planet. even if it didnt really work

i have had nothing to say about it but i'm glad one of the stories here is. random evronian adventures

IM SO MAD the way xadhoom just took out the entire evronian base in the span of the two random evronians adventure

IM SO MAD THE WAY HES JUST. in monkland with everett ducklair

and that was missing! i enjoyed myself reading that comic and i'm probably going to be dragged into the aether soon but i missed pk man. and here he is!!!! or i guess isn't

[youremyheaven]

hi, this is my second time sending it and i pray you receive it. i'm the 22yo anon with the relationships, social dread and sexuality question. ill try my best to rewrite as quick as possible. i would like to be guided and need your big sister advise,,, i don't know how to ask and word my issues smoothly 😓😓,,, (context- ive known to be demiromantic and little to no fixation on sex, on the asexual spectrum?) so i just turned 22 and have a crush and looks like he too likes me the same and im sure its going to get serious,, i have been nervous about talking about my preferences with my crush because someday i have to explain to them because i have friends and peers around me asking me to "get some" and that it's normal and it's how it'll change my asexuality?? to them im just faking being uncomfortable around bed talk even though i agree i can be the holiest nun but i do catch myself having the highest libido therefore take care of myself without needing anyone from time to time. pleasing for me felt like an annoying itch that needed to be scratched like most people,,, corn doesn't do it for me so I never understood the hype and didn't feel a thing,,, yes I have crushes but im not aching and wanting to bang them,, a bunch of my peers have at a young age and unsafely which got one of them pregnant, being in indian society it's looked down upon and what my friend had to go through was rough and it had a huge impact,,, though my parents are forward thinking people and openly and safely talked about this topic with me without having shame tied to it and my mother also makes it a comfortable space,, im not shaming anyone who engages in activities like these and i also understand that its human nature and it's how we procreate and evolve yet i still get very uncomfortable around sexual scenes in movies maybe it's my own childhood trauma causing this feeling of dread and discomfort from my childhood,,,,

besides my friends and family, i shared my asexuality to my aunt and baby cousin,,,,, they were supportive but kept being skeptic like my peers would saying this is temporary 💀 that i need to get laid asap which bothered me sm,,, my cousin now (a party, club going personality) too has engaged in activities with her exes since she was a preteen and im the only one in the fam who knows (desi household is no joke) and im worried for her safety though she seems independent but i do feel concerned and wonder if i should let her be because she has been distant and lord knows who she is with next,,,,she's much much younger but coming from a wealthy family kinda looks down on me and for not having any relationship experiences so distanced herself from me which hurts,,, bottom line i feel ostracized to a degree by people i care about and there is this insane pressure to have to talk about my trauma and issues around sex,,, as they say it's a man's birth right and they all want it at some point and so will your crush or men will leave you the minute they get that repulsion??😓

i might consider it for my man someday but i don't want it to affect my relationship with men??

how do i face people when im not taken seriously or call it a nun phase? i don't want to lose men over this and who better than you to ask,,,, im typing and im all teared up,,, i need clarity on how to approach this better without having internalized any pain, guilt for feeling the way i do. you can answer when you're ready and sorry i made it too long 😞😣

This is my third attempt

"this is my third attempt" 😭😭😭

girlie ur not going for JEE mains 😭😭this is just my inbox

(for non desis, JEE is a highly competitive college entrance exam,, ppl prepare for it for YEARS and some ppl commit suicide when they cant crack it 🤡 explaining it is taking the fun away from the joke but thought id give u context <33)

but ANYWAYYYS

first of all dont apologize for the long ask or for sharing your experiences,, I GOTCHU 😘💛

now about your question:

one thing u need to know is that the right person will NEVER EVER make u feel "compelled" to have sex,, ive had partners during my celibate era who i didnt even kiss lol and they were entirely fine with it

pls dont listen to your friends and family and believe that sex is something you OWE your partner/men. i had many nasty friends tell me the same or try to convince me that i "should" do it bc otherwise its not a "real" relationship and im so glad i never listened to them<33

i also know many women who are waiting for marriage to have sex but have boyfriends atm. they all have different degrees of intimacy that they're okay with (some go up to oral and leave penetrative intercourse for marriage, others just kiss, makeout and cuddle) but u can also have a zero intimacy relationship. if a man wants you and wants to be with you, HE WILL DO ANYTHING. i once told a guy (he was 21 and i was 23 and he wanted to date me) that im celibate and dont want to have sex and he said "thats perfectly fine, i didnt ask you out to sleep with you, i want to be with you, whatever your terms are, thats fine by me" and honestly there are MANY such dudes out there,, not every guy is a porn addicted weirdo who believes u OWE them sex 🤮🤢🤢🤮

u dont have to have casual sex if you dont want to!! esp since you're a virgin, i think its important for you to be wise about your partner and choose someone who is considerate and caring!!! THIS IS NOT A RACE, you can have sex later in life, i assure you its nothing special if you feel "compelled" to do it/dont like your partner/dont feel comfortable.

having another person inside u is as intimate as two people can be and it is so vulnerable,, dont rush it and dont do it with someone u dont trust to take you through the experience tenderly!!!

i think you just need to drop your friends lol,, they sound unhealthy

if i dont include my r4pist, then ive had sex with 3 people (i dont actually want to include baldie tbh but 🤢🤮) and 2 of those were with a partner (1 is my current partner) and those experiences were so pleasant and wonderful<3 ive had people tell me i "should" try casual sex 🙄but its not for me and even now i tell you, i have no issues staying celibate, i think its better to just not have sex than to have dissatisfying sex ://

you wont "lose" men over sex lol, you might lose immature men but those are exactly the guys u want nothing to do with!!! its a great way to weed them out!!!

i follow a 5 date rule with sex actually. i have to like him enough to go on atleast 5 dates with him before we do anything intimate,, if he seems impatient or too eager or whatever, then cut his nasty ass out,,

(this is just general advice for anyone, i know you dont want to have sex<3)

stop telling people your personal business btw!! you dont have to share your sex life or lack thereof with all your friends bc its none of their business at the end of the day. ESPECIALLY since they dont seem to understand where youre coming from, you should stop sharing this stuff with them. this is not info that you owe them just bc ya'll are friends. i absolutely hate sharing my personal business with my "friends" and all the times i have, i absolutely regretted it. i hate that kind of interference. like YOU dont get to have an opinion about my life lol??

basically, stay private, you do you, nothing wrong with being asexual or being celibate, sex is overhyped and most men dont know how to fck (sorry to speak facts) and the right partner wont want sex from you. there are men who take care of bedridden partners. love makes anything possible. and i hope you find someone who truly genuinely loves you so that you never have to worry about any of this.

i also hope you get better friends!!!<33

wishing u the best,

Heaven<3

[divinequo]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I WATCHED THE SEASON 2 EPISODE 6 TRAILER AND IM SO FUCKING PSYCHED I HAVE YO RANT ONG OMG OMG OMG OMG IT LOOS INCREDIBLE

⁉️⁉️‼️‼️‼️WARNING THIS HAS SPOILERS PLUS SCREENSHOTS FROM THE TRAILER SO LIKE UH SCROLL AND GO AWAY IF YOU WANNA REMAIN UNSPOILED YES YES MM MM YES⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️

OK FIRST OFF HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

I GOTTA RANT ABOUT THIS FIRST SINCE IT'LL PROBABLY TAKE THE LONGEST BUT WE HAVE BEEN THEORIZING ABOUT THIS GUY FOR YEARS.

YEAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRSSSSS!!! AND NOW ITS BEEN CONFIRMED HE'S SOME SORT OF ANTAGONIST IT LOOKS LIKE? WHICH HOLY SHIT OMG IM SO SIKED I LOVE HIM ALREADY HES THE BEST VILLAIN EVER ONG (I know the episode isn't even out yet let alone a English version but let me be delusional I'm happy and excited) but anyway AAAAAH HE LOOKS SO ORDINARY YET SO MENACING???!? from blending in with the background characters in episodes and appearing to be spying on Dee in his qna, as well as his wanted posters, we will FINALLY GET SOME SORT OF INFORMATION AND CHARACTER INTRODUCTION!!! (May I add he strikes a strange resemblance to Gustav? No? Just my opinion? Ok) OMG AND I JUST REALIZED HIM FLIPPING THE KEYS?? WAIT WAIT HEAVY SAID TO VICTORIA IN SEASON ONE HIW HE LOST HIS KEYS AGAIN, AND THATS ABSOLUTELY THEIR HOUSE KEYS YOU CANT CONVINCE ME OTHER WISE, IT LITERALLY COMES FULL CIRCLE, NOT MENTION LIKE, BRO WHY DOES HE WANT THEM TO NOT GO HOME? DOES HE WANT THEM AWAY FROM THEIR PARENTS? IS HE FORCING THEM TO TALK TO HIM? OR DID THEY FIND HIM AND NOW HES MONOLUAGING???? OMFG IDK, ONE THINGS FOR SURE IS HE IS DOING SOMETHING NEFARIOUS TO THIS ABANDONED AMUSEMENT PARK, TBATS WHY HES ON THE WANTED POSTERS INNLIFS INTRODUCTIONNEPISODE HOLYYY FUUUUCKKKKK GUYS I LOVE HIM, HES MY NEW FAVORITE VILLAIN, I really hope this doesn't age like milk me saying I love his little character *sweats nervously*

And can we just TALK and take a moment to ADMIRE the artwork of the backgrounds and main surrounding pieces?? LOOK AT THIS!!

And yk the metal families profile picture on YouTube? Yk... The clunky old sign no one cares about?

FUCKING LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK

IT WAS PLANNED ALL ALONG GGGG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMGGGGEXDCRFVFY UGC YFDXYREXYRDXTDDXTD STD FDFH THEIR PROFILE PICTURE IS LITERALLY, GENUINELY FROM THIS EPISODE, it is NOT coincidental, THIS MADE ME LOVE IT ALL THE MORE!! it feels so special now knowing this knowledge and though this part isn't THAT important i still had to mention the shock I got from seeing it in the trailer :))

Last thing I wanted to mention is these two lovely little gumdrops!!!!!!!

ommmgggg THE SHIPPING BAIT ABOUT TO HIT HAAARRRDDD i paused on like a smear frame, basically their hiding from the security guard because it's night time and they snuck in!! Omggg do you guys even realize what this MEANS????!!!!?!?!?! this means we'll also get maybe a few scenes if our and Dee together ALONE, idk what is up with my brain but I never really shipped them that much or cared to ship for them until seeing THIS, maybe I'm just really pathetic in my own love life but the way lif is holding onto Dee (for protection and to hide yk) is SENDING me, it is cute, so special and precious, and I need them to start dating, I am officially their number one shipper now (omfg if they become canon in this I will cry myself to sleep istg I'll be so happy knowing I can rest over these cartoon lovers getting together XP)

Oh oh and what do y'all think heavy could be doing while we get some life and Dee scenes? Or while this scene specifically is happening?? My guess is they caught sight of the "glasses kid" and heavy volunteered to go follow after him in suspicion, omg I can't even fathom getting so much new heavy screen time, he's only my all time favorite character, aaaaAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

That's pretty much it, I give my upmost respect and admiration to DiMA, Alina, and every single voice actor, artist, animator, inspirations, etc of this entire show, they all deserve the world and a medal for giving us this spectacular series, that upon now seeing this trailer has made my metal family hyperfixation AWOKE deeply and fiercely

I couldn't find a truly perfect reaction image to seeing this new metal family trailer, so here's this one I drew, have a lovely day/night everyone♡

[prideoftheknights]

SPRING TROUPE 10TH PLAY: MOON TRAVELER — ムーン・トラベラー 【CHAPTER 1】

MASTERLIST | NEXT CHAPTER

translation under the cut!

On a spring night a few weeks before my birthday–– I escaped from a facility and went to the town where I grew up.

It took several hours to get here by bus, and the return trip would take the same amount of time.

The small amount of pocket money I got from helping out is for the bus fare back. If I lost it, I would not be able to go home.

I clutched the small amount of coins in my pocket.

No matter how uncomfortable it was, I can still get food from the facility.

If I don't want to die by the side of the road, I have to go back there.

If I'm not back by dawn, I'll be sent to the punishment room again.

I walked along the walled off path before stopping. I put my hand on a lower part of the wall, where two blocks had collapsed.

I pull my body up and jump over the wall in one go.

Since the night I was driven out from my house, nothing had changed in the vacant land where I used to look at the moon alone. I thought I would feel more nostalgic, but strangely, I felt nothing.

"Ah, right. The moon......" There were only small stars twinkling in the night sky.

"Why can't we see the moon?"

Suddenly, a boy's voice came out of nowhere. I turned around, startled.

"Do you know?"

Before I knew it, there was a boy dressed in all white standing in the vacant lot that was supposed to be empty.

"……Because moonset has passed. The moon sets just like the sun. You cant always see the moon just because it's night time."

"Heh, you really know your stuff, don't you! And you jumped over that high wall just now, right? Your athleticism is good too, too. That's amazing."

The boy's eyes sparkled.

(Who the hell is this guy....... To be at this kind of place at this hour, what a suspicious guy......)

I was about to get on top of the ledge and distance myself slightly, when I heard a loud talking voice.

"HAHAHA! Like I said, you always drink too much! You're gonna get in trouble again!

"You're in no position to tell me about that!"

I heard the footsteps of men who seemed to be on their way home from a bar coming closer. With a start, my body shivered.

(If kids are found in such a place at this hour, we'll be in trouble. We need to run……)

Even as I slowly walked away with a wandering gaze, the boy was still in a daze, thinking about something.

(No, I have to ditch him and go.)

As I was about to start running, a quick hand grabbed my arm and stopped me.

"Hey."

"What?"

"Do you have any family?"

The boy's question made a number of faces pop up in my mind.

Immediately after, I drown out those faces from my mind, annoyed.

"No."

"Do you have a dream?"

(What a carefree question......)

Thinking that now isn't the time to talk about something like that, I try to shake him off my arm, but he's surprisingly strong.

"Come on, do you have a dream?"

"A dream......?

Irritated, I subconsciously looked up at the night sky.

What I was looking for isn't there.

As always, what I wish for disappears from me.

"No."

"Then, do you want to help me make my dream come true?"

The boy laughed softly as he said this.

Izumi: Alright then, that'll be all for today's leader's meeting.

Tsumugi: Good work everyone.

Tsuzuru: Are you guys done?

Izumi: Yeah. We'll have our next meeting now.

Banri: Next up is the Spring Troupe meeting huh.

Tenma: Doing two meetings in succession... Thanks for your hard work.

Sakuya: Thank you!

Banri: ......

Chikage: ?

Could it be, you guys were talking about me?

Izumi: Huh?

Sakuya: How did you know?!

Chikage: Bull's eye?

Izumi: As expected, you're sharp. We were just about to start talking about you.

Well then, let's start up the Spring Troupe MTG again.

First of all, regarding the 10th play of the Spring Troupe, we were discussing during the leaders' meeting earlier about having the sixth member of each troupe play the lead role.

Sakuya: So for the Winter Troupe it'll be Guy-san, Autumn Troupe will be Azami-kun. Summer Troupe will be Kumon-kun, and Spring Troupe will be Chikage-san!

Chikage: Why is that?

Izumi: I think now, more than ever, is the time to show off our individual abilities before the new Fleur Award, which is about to have a new structure soon.

The last four people to join the company have only had one lead role, right?

I think there's a certain freshness and 'buzz' that comes with playing the lead role.

Additionally, we all agreed that we wanted to see what would happen if the four of you, who have matured as compared to when they first joined the company with simple reasons, played the lead roles.

Chikage: I see.

Sakuya: I also learned a lot from my experience as the second lead role in the company's play, so I hope Chikage-san can experience it too!

Tsuzuru: It's true that everyone grows a lot when they play a lead role.

Itaru: It's a great opportunity, isn't it?

Citron: Chikage also break dances with one step!

Masumi: Breakthrough.

Chikage: But the next show will be the monumental 10th play of each troupe, right? Is it really alright for me to play the lead role?

Izumi: Yes, it is a nice milestone and a commemorative number, but for the company, it is just a checkpoint.

Sakuya: We're gonna keep on going from here on out!

Chikage: You're as positive as ever.

Tsuzuru: So, what're you gonna do? Are you gonna do it or not?

Chikage: I suppose you're right...... For you all, it might just be another milestone, but I think fans will hope for something significant for the 10th round of plays.

After so many performances, I wonder what they'd want to see next.

I'm sure that my first starring role was warmly received as I was still a rookie, and I do feel some pressure but......

I'll do it. It seems like people are also hoping I'll do it.

Sakuya: Thank goodness!

Citron: What a long time to turtle!

Tsuzuru: I think you meant to say accumulate. [1]

Masumi: But yeah, it was long. Why didn't you just say you'd do it.

Izumi: That's just shows how much he thinks about the theater company.

Itaru: It was so much easier during the 4th play, huh.

Izumi: You're right. If he had just nodded his head like he did then, would that have worried you?

Tsuzuru: We're on the 10th play now, so it's been quite a while since Chikage starred as the lead...... I guess I'll have to put my all into the script too!

[1]: citron says カメ (turtle) which tsuzuru corrects with 溜め (to accumulate)

it was hard to put these two sentences in a way that still captures the meaning of "wow he took so long just to say he'll do it" so i left it as is TT

MASTERLIST | NEXT CHAPTER

[starjxsung]

Hi Star!! Please don't apologize for being away! We all have life and I know you've been going through some health challenges and work has been hectic - I just hope you're doing well and taking care 💕 sounds like life is putting you through it a bit and I just wanna let you know we're here to listen (or at least I know I am 💗) and that we care so so so much about you!!! School is going well!! I'm actually so hyped for the term. Overall I enjoy my courses. Plant Biology and Forest Ecology my beloved - I LOVE plant ID. All the labs for Forest Ecology are outside in the forest at my uni and for our final lab exam we have to memorize how to ID 70 indicator plants and their latin names and soil moisture and soil nutrients just from their branches - it'll be a fun challenge! One of my profs is WORLD FAMOUS for her research and I freaked out when I found out she was my prof. I also have been keeping in touch with a couple of profs from last year and it's been so great chatting with them - they said I could maybe TA their courses next year 👀 I've also been making an effort to make more friends and introduce myself - I've found a lot of people I met last year we kinda were just class friends and not really friends friends which is fine because that happens - I just wanna get to know more people and make more friends and find those I really click with. So far a few from last year I've still found to have stuck around which is nice :) I've also met some really nice new friends and it makes me so happy (some not so nice but that's okay I just won't try talking to them anymore haha). TW: S3xual assault???

urgh south africa guy. guess what! hasn't messaged me since my last update abt him. so like. welp. I'm actually happy that he hasnt now. like at the time i was like :((( . but now im like good fcking riddance bro. blocked! basically i went back and analysed things and realized yeah he was taking advantage of me and emotionally manipulating me. literally conditioned me to have sex with him??? like in conversations we had literally before we were anything. literally wanna throw up everytime i think about any ounce of time i spent with him even if it was just standing there. like. idk i finally talked it all out with a friend who was on the south africa trip too (she had her own situation with another dude on the trip - he fucking followed her to prague??? whole other messed up story.......) anyways, i realizsed that the whole situation was fcked up and he didn't care abt me at all and was prolly also just keeping me around cause he fetishizes asian women!! yay!!! idk i feel very physically used. which feels gross. tryna decide if I feel like this is borederline SA idk processing it all cause guess who has trauma and repressed it the whole time and was thinking everything was fine!! I could bring up a lot more sht that happened but im not really feeling like typing it out or thinking about it. I just. i cant help but feel its my fault for being stupid and naive :( even tho many people have told me its not. its just hard not to :( anyways, on a brighter note i forgot if i mentioned this in my europe update but so like i made friends with another kid on the norway tour thing. he was a fun kid to hang out with and mess around with. hes like 5 years younger than me tho. tbh was very mature tho. anyways, thought we wouldnt talk each other ever again after. but we had exchanged discords so we could message during the trip abt like when to go to the pool n sht. anyways, we ended up messaging little by little. and then like having convos. and turns out we are like almost identical people. just . living thousands of km apart and in different countries and like 5 year age difference. like i have two youngers brothers. and hes the same age as my youngest brother. and he feels like another younger brother to me now its so adorable. he'll share stuff with me and like its so easy to converse and hes so sweet??? anyways, literally makes my days better. adorable kid. i could tell you all the ways hes become my third brother but it's a lot lol. Love you lots Star 💕 make sure you're taking breaks! I don't want your eyes to die trying to work on fics and things!! xoxo 🌱

HI MY LOVE…… I missed you so much and I missed getting your little updates !! When I tell you I got SO EXCITED getting this one fkfickjdkdkfkfkdkd there’s so much to unpack I’m so stoked !! I’m doing okay (just hating everything related to my job) but I’m pulling thru and I think in a few weeks I’ll feel a little more like myself again :’)

Okay your classes sound SO COOL???? I can’t tell you that be able to memorize the Latin names of any plants bc that sounds hard as hell but THAT’S SO COOL….. also your professor being world famous is literally the coolest thing ever???? Isn’t it SO exciting when you have a well known professor 😭 I had a professor who was the man behind the “little baby ice cream” commercials (that rly weird one of the guy eating ice cream off his head…. It’s kinda scary??) and when I tell you I FLIPPEDDDDD WHEN HE TOLD ME….. like I had so much to ask him and pick his brain about kjsjckdkdjdkfjfj also I’m so glad you’re making so many friends! It’s somehow so much harder to make friends in college than you’d think bc people are so focused on their studies & just keeping to themselves. But when you find people you really click with it’s truly the best feeling :’) side note if we met in a class I just know we’d be besties like in another universe I just know we’re in a plant class together and we get in trouble for talking too much LMFAOOO

anyways I’m really sorry to hear about South Africa guy :( I was truly rooting for you guys and I’m so disappointed to hear he just seems like another loser who used you for sex. Honestly I was in a super similar situation with the first guy I ever “dated” and had a serious relationship with. We agreed to be a fwb arrangement but to still stay exclusive to each other bc otherwise it’d just feel icky. Which I knew deep down I didn’t want because I just wanted to be with him, but I feel like we’re really susceptible to just settling for any version of a man we can get, just so that we don’t lose them. Of course this turned into a full year of me being at his beck and call whenever he wanted a sexual favor, and sending like thousands of pics whenever he wanted them. He’d literally ask me to leave family functions and send pics/vids of myself no matter where I was. In hindsight it was fucking disgusting and I think it really fucked me up sexually & emotionally and I just wish I could go back and grab myself by the shoulders and YELLLL at fact that I ever agreed to be that with him 😭 you can’t blame yourself for this unfolding though, you did the best you could with what you were emotionally able to handle at the time, and unfortunately you both had different wants out of this relationship. He didn’t deserve you in the slightest and he’ll just do this to the next girl who shows him a modicum of attention. You are truly such a fantastic, beautiful, SMART, wonderful girl and you deserve so much better than the lousy cards these guys deal you. Take time to heal and make sure you’re ready to be in another relationship when you’re ready, but know what this isn’t the defining point of what you’re worth or meant for. There are only better things and experiences and people still waiting for you, and dumping that loser guy is just another step forward for you. I’m proud of you for understanding your worth and acknowledging this might just be a trauma response. You’re not a loser, you’re not naive, and you do NOTTTT deserve someone who’s just around to fetishize your existence. You only deserve the best, most unconditional love and attention 💓

I’m so glad you did get a friend out of the trip though !! That sounds like the plot of some coming of age film LOL I hope you guys continue to stay friends for a long time! Sometimes you find friendship where you least expect it 🫶

I love you so so so much my angel, please take it easy and be kind to yourself. What you’ve been through hasn’t been easy, but remember you’re also crushing it in college, you traveled the world and you’re an amazing artist. And no shitty man will ever take that away from you !!!! You deserve someone who matches your energy !!!!! Your aura is like +100000 at any given moment don’t ever forget it 🌱💓🫶 I LOVE U.

[walder-138]

Imagine: Vasili having a private conversation with Abbey about his messed up life

Be careful it's filled with ANGST.

"Sometimes.. love knows how it'll make you fall for it, and also, give you that everlasting pain that'll remain in your soul as a scar. It can cut you so deeply.. sharply, than a knife. That if you sew to suture the wound.. it'll never seem to remove from the image. It will keep on reminding you.. that you would have never been this miserable and unfortunate.. if you had never met them. Never.. just never.."

"I loved Helen.. I did.. very much." Vasili tried not to break in front of Abbey. "But I was a fool. A scoundrel. That I fell for her and did what was necessary to win her heart. Now you don't say I was brainwashed that's why I couldn't remember anything but the point is.." He looks at Abbey with a hopeless and shattered look. "Why did I let this all happen to me? What was inside of me that truly SAID you need to choose this very path? What made me choose Perseus? How did I get to Adler? Why? Because I did it myself, Abbey.. I.. I chose this. I subconsciously decided to make myself suffer for the wrong I did. I chose the wrong side.. and.. here I am. Look at me." He smiled half-heartedly, with his arms half raised.

"I was naive. Even after being this intelligent? This witty? I.. I can't seem to.. to.." His voice shivered. "Break through this very situation? Only if.. I could have used my brain, I would have never—" Vasili tried not to sob and covered his eyes with his arm, sniffing a bit. "But I deserve it, Abbey. Because I truly deserve it. I was away killing off people without realising I was now stuck with a bunch of manic criminals who wanted to destroy the world. But me? I couldn't even raise my voice.. that it also made me stop using my mind! For what it had been finally used for without my true consciousness!" He clenched his hair and sat down, in a defeated state.

"I'm tired, Abbey.. I'm so tired.." He sobbed as he rubbed his whole face to wipe off the tears. "The KGB thinks I murdered our own General.. I lost Dimitri.. Adler wished if I was dead anyway.. and sure I gave him a lesson back there and showed him my new form.. but.. even after all that.. I still feel.. lost. Like all my roads ahead of me have been blocked. And I see nothing but.. darkness.. and the light faded before I could ever reach myself through it.." He smiles sadly. "Tells a lot.. maybe if.. Adler shot me back at the cliff.. all this suffering would have ended. And I would be at ultimate peace.. a-am I right, Abbey?"

STOP IT KHUSHI. STOP IT RIGHT NOW. STOP IT. YOU BETTER BE PAYING FOR MY THERAPY AFTER THIS CAUSE GIRL IM SOBBING. IM IN YOUR WALLS NOW 😭😭😭 I WILL GET BACK AT YOU FOR THIS! JUST YOU EFFING SEE. I CANT FUCKING STAND THESE TWO

SORRY FOR THE LATE RESPONSE!

Abbey reached out, almost about to put her hand on Vasili’s shoulder, but pulled away before it could make contact. Instead, Abbey took a deep breath. She was at a loss of words, tears welling up in her eyes. After a moment of silence, she swallowed and spoke.

“Don’t say that, Vin—Vasili.” She mentally cursed herself for that mistake.

“I know you’re tired, and you’re angry, and you’re hopeless, and you feel like everyone in the world hates you and is out to get you, but wallowing in your own self loathing… you’re gonna end up wasting your life away. The paths aren’t blocked by some other entity, Vasili, you’re blocking them.”

“Wasting away means they won. That they got rid of you without even trying. Adler and Park, the rest of them responsible for what happened to you, That’s what they want- it’s what our governments do. They lie, manipulate, screw your brain up beyond recognition, then make you blame yourself for cracking under circumstances nobody could withstand.” Abbey’s voice was quiet, but there was a sharp edge to her words. Her anger, though subtle, was still evident behind the words, albeit not towards Vasili.

Noticing that she was tense, her fist were clenched, and was ranting, Abbey stopped to take a breath. Abbey’s demeanor softened as she took a seat next to Vasili, taking in his defeated expression. She gently removed his hands from his face and held onto them as she continued to speak.

“Vasili, I lo- I care about you. It’s hard for you to believe, I know, but I’m not asking you to. You’ve had every opportunity to kill me, you didn’t. You could’ve sent us all to Duga, you didn’t.”

“What I’m saying is, you’re not a bad person. You’ve done unforgivable things in the past, I refuse to put you on a pedestal, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t capable of doing good.”

Abbey sighed, and held onto his hands tighter.

“If you ever feel like you’re alone or don’t have a place to go, you can always stay here. I don’t need a warning, and you don’t need to talk to me if you don’t want. I can sleep on the cot and you can take the air mattress; the cats might jump on you in the night so I’d keep that in mind. Jazzy and Blue expect you to feed them at dawn.” She chuckled, before letting go of Vasili’s hands.

“They love you, the cats. They really do.” Something we have in common.

Abbey fades out of existence. Bro’s hallucinating 😭😭😭

[ashtraysystem]

um, just warning you the following post is kinda a lot emotionally and mentally so uh. yeah. 🤷🏻 skip it if you dont wanna read i wont be offended or anything obviously its just me rambling about fears and stuff ive had on my chest.

do you ever just sit there being afraid of what the future holds? right now im so uncertain about a lot of things and dont know how to get through it.

i dont know how to advocate for myself when it comes to my health. i dont know how to show my doctor how desperate i am for some form of relief from the hell i have to life through sometimes. the days when i have bad pain flare ups are /bad/. and i don't understand why they happen. i dont understand whats wrong with me to make me so tired and in pain. why is it that every rush of adrenaline through my body when im anxious /hurts/.

how will i go about the school year? i will have to do my thesis (that might be the wrong word i dont remember) project this year and that means planning, funding, and organizing a whole event to show the world what i'm capable of. how am i supposed to decide on something like that when i'm barely capable of deciding what to have for breakfast??

many of my friends will be away. and not just the ones im close with, many of the friends ive made throughout this past school year have moved on with their lives. graduated or dropped out. im. im afraid of being alone. of forgetting who i am. of losing myself in my attempts at success. i like spending time with people, even if its just "hey wanna work on projects adjacent to each other for a while?". but people dont exactly like me or seem to see me as a person they can just "hang" with. i always have to tune my personality to match theirs. match their energy, match their needs, but never my own.

i want to get a tattoo as a reminder. a reminder to be me. to "keep it real". That i'm not alone. that there are people in my corner. people who care. people who want to know /the real me/ and not the fake personality i put on to please everyone. even in a professional sense. i want to be me, forever and always. true to myself with everyone i meet. because if they cant take me as i am then they dont deserve me at all.

im weird. i know that. ive always been the outcast, the quiet kid, the weirdo.

i cant shut this all out forever. i'll have to face these things eventually. and i wont be ready when i do. its hard to think about because my brain starts to shut it all down. it lays a fog over me that gets me to forget any critical thinking about the world around me and the changes i could make in my life. the revelations i have about myself are so quickly forgotten. it tells me to just delete this whole post. put it back away, never let it see the light of day, but its important. important that it does. important that i dont just sit with this stuff in my head for forever. it'll just get worse if i do.

[payphonex]

Well, this is the first time I've written in almost 3 years. I'm not even sure what to say, honestly. I feel like my entire life has been taken from me. I feel like I've forgotten how to write.

Am i supposed to be angry? in love? sad?

lost?

Im lost. I dont know who I am anymore. I gave up everything for this toxic relationship. I stopped going to bars, seeing my friends. i stopped talking to anybody especially over text because everything would be read. I stopped taking phone calls unless i was home alone, which was rare. I learned to shut up, not talk about my emotions because it would be such a big fight; i wasnt paying attention to how she felt when i was upset. Even now, as im writing this i am terrified she'll see it.

She'll say something, she always does. She'll disapprove and ill be in trouble.

again.

We broke up, about 3 weeks ago. I moved to Tennessee. Im finally with my dad. Honestly, the only reason i didnt stay in town was because i finally had the courage to block my mom.

Maybe the universe was telling me it was time to go.

I finally listened.

I dont know how to feel anymore. What im supposed to feel, ya know? In some aspects i feel numb. Im alone out here, truly alone. I guess the good thing about that is i cant get hooked on cocaine again.

I crave it all the fucking time. Being sober for 2 years really doesnt matter when i still smell it laying in bed.

I guess i can thank my sobriety on my now ex, we did get sober together. I cant thank her enough for that.

You know, its weird being back on here. I feel like i could throw up just downloading the app. My old account was deleted, my ex swears it wasnt her but im sure ill never know.

I found you again, i re-read some of things you had written. I really have been looking through rose coldered glasses when it came to you. The pain of losing you in my life was so fucking real for months.

atleast until i realized you truly threw me under the bus. like i was just some freak obsessed with you. I loved you, you were my family.

we were 'inseperable'. Remember? you said that.

"I understand that it'll never be us, part of me knew that it never would be, but i decided to let you fall anyway. make me think it was wrong."

You remember that? you wrote that. I can finally let you know,

it.

was.

wrong.

Because youre so stuck in my fucking head that it is hard to breathe. People still tell me about you, I could never truly get away from you.

I cant forget those nights.

I never could wipe away the fucking smell of lavender and vanilla

Ive never been good at cleaning windows either. Im sure your finger prints are still covering the view i could have had.

You've always been such a good liar. Keeping my at your hip for a backup plan just long enough to leave me drowning again.

The last time i heard your voice was the night my ex called you. I was plastered, black out drunk. I found out my tumblr was deleted that night.

I hit her. Busted her lip because i couldnt let go of you. So she called you. Of course you didnt answer, but the next morning you called me off of a friends phone. She forced me to answer the call.

You sounded like you fucking hated me. Why?

because you lead me on? because you got caught up in the consequences of YOUR actions?

you responded to me! when i wrote about you. You always replied. always.

It was never "leave me alone" or "we need to stop this"

You played me. you fucking used me.

you.

you fucking hurt me.

and i shouldve known better. but youre angry at me? annoyed with me?

it was easy for you to drop me, wasnt it?

I liked one of your posts. im sure youre gonna block me now. i bet you didnt even read this.

im letting you go. i guess this is my goodbye. im moving on and it feels good to finally express myself again. dont worry, my tumblrs always been my own private thing, noone you know will see this, incase youre embarrassed.

[corpseaten]

bangle is such a sweet character! love having them (forgot if boy or girl?) on my island. i can also send you pics of my island when i log on later today, okay? yes, that was my id (if the user was MISAKI ILY!!! and a rinko pfp) so ill add u back on bandori and we can play together some time ^^ sanctuary is such a good song!!!! omg, such good taste .aiai's voice is so powerful, i love how high pitched her strong it is. her solo work is good as well, although i haven't listened to it in a while. speaking of enstars, im prob gonna start a the story & anime, but it'll take me a while since my attention span is so low currently, ah. i don't know reina but ill look her up in a bit. adonis from enstars, which is where i chose the name from, since my actual name is so unique everyone would know exactly who it was, haha. but i prefer it since im able to be more masculine & myself online than irl, but when we get closer i will tell you mine, too! being called clover is so nice, though, and yes it's okay to send long, chaotic messages, i love talking to you and i don't mind at all. i want to know how you think and what you care about. your name is so adorable as well, it rolls off the tongue very nicely. it also matches you; it has a shy, but elegant feel to it, as you do. i really enjoy that kind of personality.

you're such a baby, though, getting all flustered on me. i wonder what it'll look like when i really destroy you, huh? silly girl. thank you for replying to me. i have so many things i want to say, that my brain is a bit frazzled. i cant get it all out, but.... i wish i could... just... choke you... and watch your eyes water... would you cry for me? would you beg for me to stop? or beg for me to press harder? ill put you in your place... under me. i won't go that far anymore, though, since it's public and i only want you to see. - 🍀

I would love to see pictures of your island! I like how nice the villagers have become, I know a lot of people wish they kept being meaner but I just think it’s sweet. Ahh it was not . . I am guessing I just added some random person . . This is so sad. I like playing japanese server because I do not like to wait for updates . . Her vocal work is insane, I have never seen a seiyuu as good as her, her in firebird and rozen horizon is so ?!!! How does she do it? My attention span is also horrible. but if I am really into something I find I pay attention a lot easier! She is very pretty. I might just link her to you as I am the girl I pair her with. I think Adonis suits you well, it’s very pretty. The name I actually do go by online isn’t my real name, but I hate my real name, so I would rather change it to what I prefer . . Not in a gender affirming way in my case, I just do not connect with it. I love talking to you as well, I just find myself getting carried away. I can call you whatever you please, my dear. It makes me happy that you want to know that kind of stuff, I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone be genuinely interested about me before, I want to know the same about you, I feel like I know a lot already. It does? You are really quite skilled in making me blush. If it rolls off the tongue, I hope I’ll be able to hear it from you. I guess that is how you’d descibe me! I hope I can always be someone you enjoy, if you ever stopped liking my personality, I would change it in an instant.

A baby? Are you degrading me? I am easily flustered, it does not take much, I’d like to say I’m not easy but . . I really am when I like someone. I hope you keep imagining it, what would it look like? You’ll just have to come here and find out. It’s okay my sweetness, we have more than enough time to organise your thoughts, together. Oh. You are getting very bold here. Oh my. Well. I am certainly not not inviting you to choke me, I’d let you choke me until I pass out, I want a really pretty necklace from you. As long as you do take care of me afterwards, If I died, I’ll haunt someone else forever, just to piss you off. I actually think that depends on my mood, I’d probably rut against you if I wanted more, but then struggle and kick if I wanted you to let go of me. How do you know the exact words to push my buttons? I widh you luck in taming me, I have claws too, maybe I wont let you ontop of me until you’re all bruised and scratched. I may have gone overboard for public . . if you don’t want to reply to some of this you don’t have to, I don’t wish to embarass you, or. give too much to other people.

[crimson-colored-memories]

the moon

date: 11/2023 I'm turning 18 in just about two months, time runs through my fingers faster than I can get a hold of it. time swiftly fades into memories beneath my feet, and when I look back, all there is to see are dark, void and empty thoughts, that lead to my throne made of scars and tears, which I kneel upon since I'm not worthy of it anymore. Time has passed, and I've changed, I cant mock life while it does its move anymore, I've got to sit quietly and avoid checkmate. Even though I have grown resilient, my mind feels like a sinking ship in the far, obscure waters overthinking has taken me to. My lungs slowly fill with the crystalline water I've been drowning in, as every single bit of my energy is drained by the unnecessary crying of my mind. I've been clean of self harm for seven months, and sober for a week, I'm slowly regaining the ability to feel the sun projecting itself onto my skin, the fine and soft dirt I walk on, the smell of daffodils, the chilly subtle breeze and the joyful chorus of birds greeting me with a new day. And even then, I feel so purposeless, I don't have anywhere to return once I leave this rehab facility other than my old life, tainted by the corrupting, crippling addiction I fell into. I never thought I would make it this far, never thought I would make it to my 18th birthday, I promised I would kill myself ever since I was 6; here I stand though, quiet and still, my future inches away from my face, challenging me to venture into the unknown. I'm weak, small, too feminine to be a man and too masculine to be a woman, needy for love and attention, wishing someone would hold me and tell me it'll be okay. Hoping to make it one more day without overdosing. Even if I wasn't gay or trans, even if I was strong and threatening, even if I was confident and fearless I'd still feel like I'm at a disadvantage against the world. I never prepared myself for being here, never thought of this outcome, never saw it coming or wished for it, but I've regained my life when I expected it the least. I owe it to myself. For every time I slowly slit my thighs, laughing and crying in extreme mania as I'd hear the rip of my skin. For every blunt and acid tab, for every pill and cigarette, for every shot and and drink. I owe this day to my mother, who I've made cry and sob uncontrollably every time I end up at the hospital unconscious because I had lost control of my life once more, I've made her break every time the police called her crushing the tiny bit of hope and innocence she saw in me. I let myself get lost in a downwards, tightening never ending downwards spiral of drugs, self harm, sex work, hookups, alcohol and mental illness. Lost in the middle of nowhere with no friends, tools, shelter or money. I ventured into the unknown thinking that I wouldn't make it back. But I did. the moon rose, enlightened the way out and gave me hope. Now I know I can go and explore the world empty handed and alone, I know the moon will rise and take me home when I get lost. I do not with to kneel upon the throne I build with self induced pain and suffering once more. I'm not coming back.

[fr3akinthecorner]

chilling with a bitch she the shit and she know it ur gonna get in trouble!! u just told that to the other cute guy hey ok well im smoking too much no smoke more meth! ok i will is that what you meant? no cigs cigarettes do u like this part of the song? no u weirdo i hate that playlist too all these boys know everything about u now and they're partying at their houses hey that last guy was complex right? it's ang the last airbender hey ang but i don't like u go away! yes she likes u but we're having a conversation don't worry too much about chanhee he will come back did u see our manga where he made fun of me and sent me to he'll? no! well he's so fucking mean but it's funny now why do u think incest is weird? bc it's illegal and the dna part oh ok you're really intelligent your font chats are about to change i can tell! no way?! how do i do it ah... your father will show you i want the thing where it looks like a comic book yea that's the part thats about to happen! do u have samsung? i do now ok cool i want the 5 well go get it! ur not gonna be poor trust me manifestation is real thank u friend um no!! i am your boyfriend and u better fucking talk to me more how?! how come u can't sing anymore? tejano opium omg you're tejano? yes and japanese omg ok so im gonna fuck myself right now u need to go and talk to other guys omg?! what babe?? why is that okay? bc we love u! and ur beautiful don't forget that it's about to sell for how much $64 fonts chat is being sold to cigarettes lucky strike purchase from carlos montoya omg lol no! buy from me :) tumblr.com ok sexy girl lol! i am a girl hahaha ok so this one is $44 and it will be sold to the girl right now she just has to unplug her phone and it's unplugged! so press 766 perfect! it'll start to get a little more loose but u just need to go to the font chats station and the lake will give u new colors oh yea i forgot! ok so the next chan family font chat is hard because u might be able to buy a new theme will u try it? later is ok alright so how do i buy? purchase a jam jam theme she did the correct process to make her own with jamjam ok so she is gonna be so happy with this one! it's about the daughter of love sold! keeho has purchased the font chat for his daughter and she will smoke meth with it too so not to worry cute asian boy it comes with drugs and now we give the merlin code 888 for the armor to work as well lmao! she wears merlin armor? yes she does from the south korean lake! it's going to work in the one she was born in so it will come with her diary from high school available for keeho how do i get it? u cant it's kèeho ok dude let her read ir! alvin said no ok so alvin is one of her butlers so this will be respected keeho she can access it way into the future not today solid ok so buy the font chats from disney, tumblr or samsung ok so we're jn still? yes you can be she told me i died today chapter one and that is her diary! it will tell her when to write it down automatically on tumblr and keeho said no interruptions ok so what about the other book website? can't I just do it their? yes that would be better if she can finish we might sign her ok leave bitch Mac Dre

[autresvoixx]

i love when from casual convo with my bf i just switching to that type of messages:

do u dream about me? do u think of me? do u love me? i could picture u doing it. u always is tender to me even when i dont deserve it. i never replace u with anyone near like u. are we always be together? are always be? questions cant leave me alone, leave my mind. overthinking much? or just acting dumb? sleep deprived? what if all those questions have the only one answer which is no. what if its just easier to just say no all the time. why is it so convenient to say no? why it should be always like that? do i ask too many questions? why i cant be just calm like before? maybe because i dont take pills anymore? cant i just sleep? forever? is it asking for much? im not asking about money. im asking for a relief. an ease. a freedom. will u stay? will u be strong? will we protect each other going on? will we keep looking for wach of our next steps? will u hide my cries from this world? is it unfair that we have each other? is it just unfair? where we at right now? am i falling in love again? am i acting okay? why ir eyes doesnt shine anymore? why??? why cant i see u again? ur eyes? when u looking my way? theres no need to stay. can u make it go away? i cant feel myself. can u please make it go away? i wish. i wish i could get lost in ur arms. here. but couldnt say that to you. i couldnt say anything to u. let me stay. let me stay here. alive. i rather go to waste than make u cry hurt sad. i rather go if it'll fix all ur pain. i said too much because i made a decision quick. i cant think. always cant. cant deal with it anymore. cant handle myself. cant see at myself without a disgust. i cant. an i crazy right now? why does it keeps happening? why should we have to suffer from it???

p.s am i weird for that?

[unanimousone]

J, Tues, 12/09/2023

super questioning when i work a 13 hour day and just feel hyped and kind of want to go workout. but i dont think that im going to. i think i'll just take a shower and chill out. i have to go back tomorrow, and i think i will be there til Thursday. they say that that should be our last day, but who knows how long it'll be before they act up again and do some dumb violent shit? so here i am just thinking and thinking some more. about everything. the good and the bad but the good thing is that im not really obesessing about anything specific. i usually will if something is bothering me or on the other side of the fence, if something is sooooo fucking good and i dont want it to end. but i dont really even dothat anymore because i know that it leads to rash and impulsive acts that can usually turn things from good to stupid. and thats not what i want. i mean i do obsess about you but i make it a think to have some control over it. so its in a healthier way than not. i only want things to be healthy with us. and i know that it doesnt always work that way, not at first but it can be accomplished with time and practice. something that im willing to do. more goals, baby!! i definitely have to put myself in check and see the real and not let my mind play too much games on me. and when it does i have to just remind myself that it isnt all about me and that life is happening weather i like it or not so i just have to try my best to enjoy the wins and let go of things that really shouldnt matter to me. but what if they do matter to me? and i just dont know how to go about expressing my insecurities and such? what if the things thast my mind if fucking with me about are things that really need to be addressed so that i can grow further? but no…see im so back and forth. i dont want to sound dumb but i am how i am and idk if you will like that. i think that i may come off as bugging and in all of this i really have no right to even question anything, nor is so much of anything any of my business. but the mind will still do what it does, but to be honest i have seen much improvement in myself and that is something good. i hate my negative behaviors and such and im glad that im making progress towards them. but this is only one thing to be in here and see progress. what about in person? is that gonna fuck me up completely? am i gonna have to learn a whole new level of growth? and am i ever gonna get out of my bullshit ways? i mean wtf is wrongwith me? i have a lot of work to do and i know that i dont want to push you away. i dont want to lose you. its one thing if you happen to go another route, but if im the one to cause the loss of you it would be such a disappointment and i would probably just go into questioning my worth and such, yada yada, well i guess i would feel down if you were the one to decide to go another route too, sigh…kind of hard to explain. im a fucking nut and you have me going crazy for you. its good and bad, i think. but the bad comes from my side of it all. its good because you are fucking perfect and positive and openminded, and lovely, and beautiful, and i could just go on for days. but i just have never met anyone like you and its just great. youre fucking amazing. i cant get enough. and im going to do my best in the situation of "us"

[consistent-self-destruction]

i never really post positive things on here so here's something!

i'm finally feeling really hopeful, excited, and motivated for my second semester of college :)

i don't even wanna talk about my academic performance last sem.. but this sem i have a lot of renewed hope and i think it's because falling so far away from myself allowed me to understand my needs better and identify what things do and do not work for my success and wellbeing. so for a moment, i'm just gonna talk about all the things i'm looking forward to!

first, i'm looking forward to just the new opportunity for success in general. where i failed last sem is that as hard as i tried to stay organized - time felt constantly beyond my control. so i'm looking forward to try and take hold of my own time this semester. i'll make a master list of important dates, deadlines, and assignments and learn to plot out times for certain assignments and projects so that i'm not overwhelmed. it'll help with diminishing my procrastination to not only remind myself of deadlines, but specifically outline how much work to do each day. i'll a lot study days and times instead of just winging it and taking it day by day which i've learned only makes me feel lost and like i'm constantly running to catch up. i'm excited to prepare myself better to manage my time most efficiently so that i can excel in my classes :) and knowing that i'll feel more prepared makes me excited for study days because i know that i'll feel productive and on top of my priorities! i'm excited to better learn and study spanish and feel confident in my progress. im not so excited about math, but i'm excited for the productivity it'll make me feel. i'm very excited for my pilates class! something about the health aesthetic surrounding the concept of pilates feels very motivating :) i'm excited for the productivity of studying human anatomy and im especially excited for my soul voices class! not only does it cover a core credit but i've vsited that class before and the choir is INCREDIBLE and the energy that the director curates is absolutely magical and so safe and comforting. it's going to be a great class to reground myself when i need it. plus i already have friends in there! i'm so excited eeek. and also just excited to SING AGAIN !!! <333

continuing onnnn, im excited about the layout of my schedule (fingers crossed it gets approved!) because everything is spaced out so it wont be super overwhelming or overstimulating. there's a lot of room to time manage and i'm excited for that opportunity to build good time efficiency habits. i'm excited to spend my time focusing on school, and the focusing on myself when i need to - taking care of myself physically, pursuing creative endeavors, but also playing games and sleeping when i need a mental break. i'm also happy because being prepared and staying on top of priorities will also make me feel less guilt for going to school clubs and events :)

what else what else what else. i'm excited to make money by helping my mom with her business and also selling my own art! and that'll be for the rest of winter mostly. the rest of winter is for focusing on school work, myself, and my money. then the weather is gonna get warmer! and i'm SUPER excited for that because i'm already imagining the beach days, and days where i just chill with friends on the big lawn, studying outside, CYPHS!, and just so much sun <3 i cant wait to bloom with spring and feel alive again. i cant wait to build better habits and become a better student and be better to myself and my dreams. i cant wait for how rewarding it will feel once sun and skirts season rolls around and i can bask in it with pride for how far ive come.

2023: i beg. please please please bring me nothing but focus focus focus, motivation, money, energy, peace, and ease. let me try again and please let me succeed. i'm doing my best. don't let my hope go to vain. i want to be a better student and i will be. i want to have financial independence and i will. i want to overcome old habits, evolve, grow, and enjoy the fruit i bore. i want to feel pride. i will, with my gall and your grace.

- 1.10.23 | 3:54 AM -