#I DONT NEED TO IDEALIZE SICKNESS AND NO ONE SHOULD!!!!!

[intruderzim]

WEIGHT GAIN IS OKAY AND A SIGN OF LIVING A HAPPIER HEALTHIER LIFE

[yuri-for-businesswomen]

i think it's misguided to claim that trans activism goes against the interest of feminism. it's in the best interest of the movement to include ALL women, including those that don't have periods, can't get pregnant, women with "unattractive" bodies, etc. you don't have to be trans to experience any of this.

there are SO many cis women that are not affected by the causes you listed. post-menopausal women, infertile women, women who have had hysterectomies, etc. surely you would agree that feminism is still for them. i think the same goes for trans women. they face a unique kind of misogyny that feminism needs to address, and that means by tweaking the definition of woman.

the fluidity of the definition of woman is not harmful to feminism. its not bad or scary that more people can be helped by feminism. this happened in the 1960s and 70s with welcoming lesbians into the movement. people were concerned that doing so would hurt the movement; of course it didn't. alienating trans women is not the answer to your concerns.

"who are womans rights for ... if woman is a feeling one has or doesnt have and not a fixed characteristic?" the only thing ALL women have in common, is the feeling that they are women. trans men arent women because they dont have this feeling, and trans women ARE, which is why feminism is for them.

i understand being scared that feminism will lose all meaning, and that women will no longer be easily defined. but the concern of feminism is recognizing that fact. gender is enigmatic and that's not something to be afraid of. feminist theory has asked the question of what a woman is for decades.

this is stupid.

women who dont get periods for whatever reason are still and have still been affected by menstruation in their lifetime. when a younger woman doesnt get a period thats a sign of a health complication. infertile women are of the birthing sex so the whole topic still affects them, a lot. etc. none of this affects trans identified men, but it very much affects trans identified women.

this has been said a million times before and im sick and tired of this bullshit but what the fuck does feeling like a woman mean. its a circular definition. being of the female sex is the only definition of woman because any other meaning of woman is subjective and individual. feminists ask: what does it mean to be a woman? not: what is a woman? feminists over the centuries have been very aware that women are of the female sex and men over the centuries have been aware women are of the female sex and are to be subjugated and excluded.

men who outwardly „identify“ as women face the same as effeminate men who dont „identify“ as women. its homophobia and the backfiring of male ideals - its a male issue. men who dont adhere to masculinity are sanctioned by other men; men who are effeminate scare masculine men because it shows that femininity is not a natural state for women and that gender roles and norms are arbitrary which is an attack on what they deem the natural order of men dominating women. men are not able to articulate this but thats why they do it.

therefore trans identified men should go back to how it was when they were transvestites and transsexuals who belong with gay men. marginalised men deserve their own advocacy and women deserve their own advocacy and when it fits we can work together.

edit: i skimmed past the lesbian part at first. what the fuck

[release-the-hound]

as a havanese owner, what would you say their energy levels are like? trainability? grooming needs? looking into getting small dogs in the future and havanese are on the list of possibilities

I think part of the reason Havanese are so wonderful for so many people is that their energy levels are extremely variable. A well bred Havanese should match its energy levels to its owners for the most part. There are days where I have only taken Whim outside to potty, and spent the rest of my time sick in bed, and she has happily cuddled up next to me and slept by my side. But she has also happily galloped alongside me for a 5km run, and been eager for more. Ultimately what Havanese want more than a specific amount of activity, is to be doing activity with their person.

Of course, I always celebrate doing more with your dog. I try to give Whim at least a 20 minute walk daily. Along with minimum 5 minutes dedicated training session and a food puzzle for enrichment. Often I am able to do more than that.

(One if my favorite off-leash adventures with Whim. A 3 hour walk through unusually deep snow. So many sniffs and lots of excellent recalls!)

When my sister died, I was frequently doing less, for weeks. And she didn't devolve into a frustrated barking mess, didn't chew up my apartment, she was a little bored, but she was never miserable. She just lay in my bed, by my side, day after day, until I was ready to face the world again.

(I cannot overstate how good Whim is at cuddling. If there was an international competition for it, she'd win it every year.)

I really think for disabled people, Havanese have the ideal energy level. You can meet their base needs fairly easily, but if you are up for adventure they're always ready to come along for a ride.

(Whim travels frequently on airplanes with me, and is always complimented on her good behavior.)

Grooming needs are the sticking point for many people, unfortunately. While Havanese are genrtically capable of producing a short coat, it's against the breed standard, and so I don't know of anyone intentionally breeding for that.

For me, a non-shedding dog is worth extra grooming, but I know that's not the case for a lot of people. I have Whim shaved about every 4 to 6 months. This means that I go over her coat to comb out any mats about once a week, and I trim the fur out of her eyes on occassion. But other than that, I dont worry about grooming. I bathe her when she's stinky and trim her nails when they get long, which you need to do with every dog. I know @girlhorse keeps Enzo in a much fuller coat. If you want to keep a fuller coat, she might be willing to talk about the grooming experience.

It's also worth noting that due to their small size, combing Whim's fur is like, a 20 minute process.

(I often miss Whim's coat from when I kept her long. She was so unbelievably adorable.)

Havanese are my FAVOURITE dogs to train bar none. I'm not a professional trainer in any sense of the word, but between group classes and my job I have seen how a lot of dogs learn. @thelittlespanielthatcould and I often compare Havs to a CKCS with a little more spunk. They are very clever and very eager to work with you, but when they have an opinion they make it clear.

Whim can be entirely focused on me for an hour long lesson. But she won't do work she's not fairly compensated for. Personally, I like a dog that won't let me push them around. If it's a hot day and I haven't given Whim enough water breaks, she'll march herself over to her bowl whenever she damn well pleases. If I'm not using a high enough value treat, she will take it from my hand and spit it on the ground. I like these things because I like dogs that set their own boundaries. I want my dog to tell me when she is tired or thirsty, when I'm not rewarding enough, when she's frightened. Because I get clear feedback from her on what I'm doing wrong, I can alter my methods very quickly to keep us in sync. I like that my dog can tell me something so clearly and I can say back to her "ok, I'm listening."

Whim does very well in Rally when I can afford the classes. She loved agility. Havanese also make great trick dogs. They have amazing handler focus (once they mature). They love spending time with you, so they love training. You just have to be fair to them. I guess I'd describe them as eager to engage, but not eager to please. She wants to spend time with me, she wants to play my games, but she isn't afraid to stand her ground if she's not having fun. Training her brings me so much fucking joy. Even writing about it now has put a smile on my face.

(Whim and I had so much fun in agility. She loved the tunnels so much she used to go off course just to run them a second or third time. Until I started bringing out the big guns (cheese) and suddenly she was an angel again lol.)

Realistically, no breed is ever going to be ideal for every person on the planet. But 2 words come to mind when I think of Havanese. Fexible: they thrive in many different living situations, energy levels, and activities. And Communicative, about their needs, their desires, their fears, their pain. They make it easy for dog owners to figure out what to do. For these reasons, I think Havanese match well with a lot more people than the average dog breed.

Whim has been my best friend for more than a decade. I have never second-guessed my decision to bring her into my life. I wake up every day knowing that I am profoundly loved. In my brightest moments I picture a future of adventure unfurling before us. In my darkest, her joy reminds me how to find my own.

TL,DR: Get a Havanese.

[yj-98]

oh sick a car appreciator. what cars would u have based the redbird on?

oohhh im glad u asked... to preface this btw im a car appreciator not exactly an. expert. i love old (40s-80s) cars (i grew up w/ my dream car being an aqua 1965 mustang convertible) but im not like. incredibly knowledgeable

that being said :] ! onward with redbird thoughts

shes supposed to be a rear engined sporty little coupe. modified to high hell. i would wager the rear engine is more so that tim can have weapons (missiles? grenade launcher? a fucking flamethrower?) under the hood and less actually thinking abt what a rear engine could DO for his driving experience at the ripe age of 14. its got a lowered chassis (rear-engine has a lower center of gravity, and if its a rear-wheel drive then overall its saving even More space cramped in the back, and probably has a better "grip" on the road) and apparently has pop out scoops for better airflow.. probably for the best.

its also got a bulletproof windshield! and blacked out windows! are those even legal in jersey? no! the tire shields are fine i guess

my problem with red bird is that shes just a little ugly. like there are things in the body of this car that have potential (i like the pop out scoops but they make the overall silhouette of the car look sort of . back heavy in a bad way) but ultimately fall flat.

so im gonna look at some cars that i think still sell the look they were going for!! FROM his time period even!!

the ferrari testarossa (produced from '84-'96 and im looking at the late 80s/early 90 ones here)

this is my ideal car to base redbird on. its a mid-engine, which has the best overall center of gravity, and while it limits cabin space its not like we were worried abt tht with tim. its still a 2 door sports car with a low chassis. the air scoops dont need to pop out, it has room in the back for the drag 'schute that they wanted to include, and has the room in the front too. also! she looks KILLER in red<3

the pontiac firebird trans am (1993) + chevy corvette ('90 red c4)

this is included in case we do not want to look at ferrari. sporty! red! coupe! i have less to say abt these ones honestly

i could just start naming other sporty coupes but my point being like.... theres cars of this era with the look theyre going for that look perfectly fine in the three different price ranges (general motors making pontiac as their low-tier, chevrolet as their bigger make) and ferrari at the luxury tier

ik 15 years later tim gets a new redbird (2008 i believe) and i do believe they WERE referencing real cars for redbird i simply think. it would not look like that. and didnt have to! less is more. if you want a cool looking aerodynamic sports car then she should look sleek. redbird drawn in the comics doesnt look sleek she just looks silly </3

ultimately i dont want to change her too much from being tim's (say it with me) sporty little red coupe. because thats not a bad thing for a car to be! i just dont think there was that much thought into what the car should look like aside from looking at a picture of a sports coupe and going "ok now add a flamethrower and a parachute"

[trekkele]

I recently saw the post about Jason and Cass not having to get along, and how that adds to their dynamic.

So I was wondering, are there any other interesting facts/headcanons about relationships in the Batfam?

Your own or some you simply stumbled across?

Because what frustrates me is the absolute lack of nuance in relationships in a lot of in most of Batfam centric fan-works.

The extent to which people write Bruce as either an absolute peace of shit, or as someone who will kiss his kids feet and beg them for the slightest bit of attention

(this being the supposedly "good" parenting- which… No? That ain’t it)

Because something I find incredibly compelling about their dynamics is the absolute loyalty Bruce often on the receiving end of.

Even when they are on terrible terms, if Bruce calls, they answer. (Usually, of course there are exceptions)

Some interesting facts/ideas about their relationships I saw were;

Dick hating Jason back when he was Robin. (Because they all a bit possessive of the Bat/insecure about their place at his side)

Tim not being Jasons fan even before the murder attempt (I read somewhere that DICK was the Robin Tim admired, and that made much more sense to me)

Cass and Dick having a tense relationship because Cass can read and understand Bruce so well, when Dick was the one who knew him best for so long.

Alfred and Bruce having a slightly more complicated relationship (I‘m so sick of 'perfect Alfred makes no mistakes' I swear. If Alfred had been as good a parent as everyone pretends (in comics or fandom) Bruce would at least be a SLIGHTLY more well adjusted individual)

Sorry for the rambling- I kinda got away from what I was asking 😅

So yeah, anyone else you feel has a more difficult relationship than fandom would have you believe?

All the kids with the justice league, and specifically Clark.

No listen hear me out, Bruce’s big possibly life changing injuries? They happen with the league most of the time, because thats when he’s fighting a minor god or a sentient star or whatever. But thats also when all his allies are super powered people, thats when he should be safest. Instead he keeps coming back from league missions with close calls and broken bones.

And Clark especially, what do you mean your best friend is Superman and your arm broke in the three places on that last mission. Where was he??

Alfred and Clark having a 😒 relationship is always fun too, because while kids wont see it or realize it Clark has absolutely witnessed how Alfred parents Bruce and how … less then ideal it can be.

Kate and Alfred, because of backstory reasons (did Alfred do nothing to keep the Kanes in contact with Bruce?? Why??) and also because it would be funny.

Cass and Jason is a good one and it makes so much more sense then the usual “cass loves her big little brother uwu” because i think what Cass would love about Jason would be stealing his weapons and hiding them and watching him lose his mind. Stop bringing guns into her dads house he doesnt like them and its his house.

I think. Oh this is going to be a hot take. I think Bruce resents when Tim tries to patronize or parent him. You know exactly what i mean right, that very specific flavor of infantilization you see in Tim-and-Bruce fics where Tim is a genius brilliant boi and Bruce is just led around by the nose? Hate it and i think Bruce hates it and knows exactly when Tim is trying it. Does he look like Jack Drake?? No?? Good because he was getting worried. (Bruce loves Tim. He loves how much Tim cares. He does not love how Tim thinks caring means permission to run his life).

Another hot take, i dont think Alfred and Jason got along as well as they did until after Jason resurrected. I think baby Jason treated Alfred the way Alfred treated him, so more like two people living in the same space who mutually respect each other them like grandparents. I think Jasons death and his anger at Bruce and Dick made him want/need a neutral person to project his happy memories onto, and Alfred was that person.

Duke being wary of Jason and Red Hood - because he remembers how many people lost people to Red Hood when he first arrived, and i dont care what comics told you there is no way he did what he did without collateral damage.

Damian and Dick should have a messy, complicated, resentful relationship. Damian wanted his father, no matter how good a replacement you write Dick as that isnt what he wanted. Dick also wanted his dad, and he didnt want to be Batman or a parent or any of it, and the fact that Bruce was actually alive and if hed only moved faster, if the JL had only been smarter, if someone had been paying attention, he never would have had to do any of it. And im going to he so honest right now the way fandom writes their “good” relationship is so bad sometimes. I hesitate to use the word toxic because yaknow its been done to death but seriously.

Anyways i think i hit enough hornets nests here, but will leave with, good parenting does not always look like you think it should. Allowing your children to violate your boundaries, always taking full responsibility for mutual miscommunications and misunderstandings, and never letting them suffer consequences for actions they take is just setting them up for failure.

[wewerebornsextuplets]

what would kenny say if he could see his family now? would he be happy at how far his daughter has come? would he feel pity for his wife, seeing how grief has changed her? would he still wish for his family to be together? (<- insane)

this ask is absolutely diabolical. i cannot thank you enough for giving me a chance to talk about kenny more in-depth. unfortunately most of this ended up being context for how he thinks + a bit of further exposition on mayumis relationship with her parents [since family is a big deal to kenny and well. yknow], so the actual answers are a bit further down but i hope this is still at least a little illuminating 👼

one thing thats important to know about kenny for this to make sense, is that he has some very strong values and beliefs surrounding the idea of family. while i wouldnt exactly describe these ideals as him being "family-oriented" in the traditional sense, its more like... okay. you know how older people, usually in their 50s and 60s, all seem to be capable of talking at length about That One Relative they despise, how they wish they could have nothing to do with them, because nothing good ever comes of it, but then they end their diatribe by going "well, they're still family, so i love them"? kenny's like that, hes committed to family to a fault. obviously there are still things that he would consider as going "too far" or irreconcilable when it comes tothis, but his tolerance for that is much higher than it probably should be.

to this point, i think even when he was still alive, he could tell that tears were beginning to form in the family dynamic that weren't solely caused by his inevitable passing. its not something ive discussed much here, but mayumi actually wasnt on very good terms with her parents before kenny got sick; she left home and started her career as a gravure model when she was 20 as a means of "sticking it" to her parents' more traditional wishes, and she was unhappy when she was living with them, but never actually did the work to figure out What was so wrong with the situation. as such, when kiru was born some years later, and she started to settle into life with kenny, she began to recontextualize her dissatisfaction with her parents' treatment of her as her just being a bratty teen. so, when kenny got sick, and she decided their best bet financially would be to move in with them, kenny agreed, though he viewed it as something of a necessary annoyance because hey, they're family.

even still, in the last year or so before he passed, the effects of living in the family home again paired with the inevitable realization that kenny was Definitely Gonna Die were becoming more and more apparent, primarily through how mayumi acted towards him and to kiru. he could tell she wasnt taking the process lightly at all, but part of him hoped that after his passing, she would be able to move on and mayumi, kiru, and her parents would be able to continue on as a family unit without him. he thought the bitterness between them and the cycle of mistreatment was just something theyd have to "work through" or "get over" because theyre Supposed to be close, though i dont think he ever said his out loud.

so, i think if kenny were to see the family structure now with full context, he would be pretty upset and confused that things didnt go quite as he'd hoped. i dont think he would blame them for going no-contact after the incident at christmas, but he would certainly be unhappy with the fact that things reached that point in the first place. there's a lot that he wished could have happened differently [esp. once kiru became an adult and left to live on her own, as well as some of the decisions made in the months following his death], though he was quite even-tempered + logical when need be, so i dont think he would really be able to find it in him to stay angry at either party for very long [though he'd certainly be mad about the concussion. physical harm is one of the aforementioned "okay even i think this is too much" bars for him wrt familial conflict, even though mayumi herself was also very freaked out by herself in this instance]

with mayumi as a person, more than anything i think he would just be very sad about her resignation to a life of isolation now that he's gone; he'd hoped that theyd be able to "get over" their differences and become closer now that circumstances were easier for them with him gone. but again, i dont think kenny really understood the full breadth of the emotional abuse mayumi endured, especially since mayumi herself never really came to grips with it. and having never endured that himself, he isnt able to wrap his head around the fact that its the sort of thing there isnt ever any "getting over". its a very naive take on family conflict, borne out of his own inability to really understand incompatibility in this sense + familial abuse due to his lack of experience with it. this same confusion and upset also applies to how things shook out with mayumi and kiru, though i think he was more understanding in this case since there was a physical aspect to it. but past that he just wishes mayumi could find it in herself to move on and meet new people, that she might be able to be happy again in spite of all of this. its a strange mix of pity, confusion and a tinge of anger.

as for kiru though... theres no question that kenny would be immensely proud of the person she is today. to put things into perspective here, he was born and raised on chichijima, and sickness aside, only ever left for long periods of time when he was attending college. he regards this as being the most difficult thing he ever had to do, and its a decision HE made! so for kiru, who went through so much more than that and made the move at a much younger age than him, to STILL come out on top with a doctorate and a nice job? that on its own is enough of a feat in his eyes. but past that i think he would also be very proud of the kind of person she is, since she really is just such a sweetheart and is incredibly level-headed. he'd be very very happy that she managed to do so well for herself even after all that went on, and that she managed to find such a wonderful group of friends who love her [joblessness aside. though i dont think he'd really gaf if we're being honest]... and furthermore i can see him really liking her and keiko as a couple HEHE

furthermore, i imagine kenny would be pretty happy that kiru at least stayed in contact with SOME family on her mom's side, since again, hes still quite family oriented in a strange roundabout way. he would definitely be confused as to why it was yanagida of all people, since they didnt visit one another very frequently before the move and always seemed to be bickering with each other After they moved, but hes happy nonetheless

[eighties-goth-suicide-note]

writing this shit so you wont leave me ( go to sleep ) - kitten - house cat - stray cat - big cat - wildcat - purring - sunbathing - hissing - biting - hunting - scratching - meowing - pouncing - claws - whiskers - collar - catnip - pawprints - night vision thats all from me for now I EXPECT AN ANSWER TO EVERY QUESTION!!!! ;333

i love you my bpd prince <33

kitten 🤍 who was your first darling?

you, silly, and you always will be 🫀

house cat 🤍 what kind of attention do you want from your darling?

k…kidnap…glass cage… SORRY IT WAS THE DEMONS AGAIN i loooove when you lay on me and i can brush your prettty hair and and when you stalk me i giggle and blush like a school girl :333 you could put knife to my neck and i would just ask you if we are gonna kiss!!

stray cat 🤍 how do you feel when your darling interacts with others?

it makes me want to kill myself and choke you to death!!! only i should matter to you!! am i not perfect for you!! interacting with others wont happen EVER because i will kill everyone who ever will try to look at you lalalalalala ^___^

big cat 🤍 do you want to control your darling?

…i know your location 24/7 and have access to your phone…it speaks for itself…

wildcat 🤍 what are some fantasies you have about your darling?

you kidnapping me and locking me in the basement after silly me decided to be upset without a reason so i will learn my lesson!! i would only see you and you would take care of me!!! and i wouldnt be allowwd to go outside because people there could stare at me and im just only YOUR doll!! ^-^ or or me choking you until you almost faint!! biting scratching you,, your body is truly the most delicious meal EVER!! i will literally rip you apart and feast on you like a wild beast i deserve it, i want to see you begging and my hands dirty with your blood,, and then i would take care of you because you are such a good boy and make me happy everyday!! i would clean your wounds, kiss them and make your favorite dish!! sorry i went a little bit insane with this sowwy :3

purring 🤍 what are your top love languages?

quality time…and you made me like physicsl touch..i demand back rubs and headpats NOW.

sunbathing 🤍 what would be your ideal hangout or date with your darling?

i only need to see your face to have idea date.

hissing 🤍 are you jealous?

^___^lalalalalala guess !!!!

biting 🤍 does your obsession makes you violent?

….sometimes…but i control myself when it comes

to you…BUT YOU ARE SOOOO ADORABLE I WANT TO EAT YOU ALIVEEEE

hunting 🤍 do you get to find new darling?

NO. i want to get old with you!!

scratching 🤍 how do you cope with toxic urges you have related to your darling?

…i dissociate…

meowing 🤍 how do you express your love?

WITH EVERYTHING!! i would buy whole world for you!! write so many letters that my hands fall off!! kiss you so much my lips start to rot!!

pouncing 🤍 do you stalk your darling? if yes, how?

🤫

claws 🤍 how do you react to any obstacles between you and your darling? what if they cheated?

i destroy every obstacle that comes to our way!! my mom few months wasnt allowinh to sleepovers?? and now?? my friend didnt likr my bf?? i cut them off without a hesitation ^__^ anf if you ever cheat on me i will break wvery bone in your body!! just the thought of it makes me sick!! i wpuld chole you so bad my fists will pierce your flesh and i will watch you bleed out with a smile!!!! i will make sure it will be slow and paintf!! no one will love you like me!! you will die lnowing you hurt only person who only cared about you and loved you so deeply!!

whiskers 🤍 how close are you with your darling?

we are basically tied tigether :3

collar 🤍 whats the worst thing you could do for your darling?

i dont know.. .. i can cut off everyone.. or hurtmyself if it would made him happy

catnip 🤍 what are your favorite things about your darling?

EVERYTHING I LOVE ALL HIS GOOD AND BAD SIDES I LOVE ALL OF THEM

pawprints 🤍 what are your favorite memories with your darling?

our first date… >w<

night vision 🤍 do you have dreams about your darling?

YES!! they are my favorite ones..especially the ones where we live together..have small cottage..we have cat opposum..dog..2 rats and we go on forest walks everydY…i read books while you sleep on my lap on autumn evevning..i love you so much..

[aonungyou-shit]

Ma Rotxo [Part 2]

DNI/BYF

Ma Rotxo Masterlist

Pairing: Roxto x Lo'ak Twin Sister! Reader

Synopsis: You are running a little sick. But all that gets overshadowed when you talk about feelings.

( So sorry for the Delay! )

You Had gone closer to the tree’s today. Truthfully you had been so bored of being near the water. Also you were running really cold today so you figured it would be okay to skip today's lessons. And you Let Tsireya know. 

You were covering yourself in the shawl that your grandmother had weaved for you when you were but a little younger. And in this moment it made you feel safe and warm. 

“Y/N?” 

You jolted! Turning around to see Rotxo who had a basket on his head and one at his side. 

“My bad i didnt mean to startle you!” 

“Rotxo? Oh do you need help with one of those?” 

Rotxo smiled. Letting out a small huff before nodding. “Yes please” 

Smiling you took the basket on his head and looked inside. Small Rocks, Tree Roots and some bark was there. “What are you collecting?” 

“Some Herbs for some quick medicine. Roots and Rocks to mix em and all. I also have to gather some fruit farther into the trees” 

“Want me to help with that? Im Good with Tree’s” 

He let out a shy smile towards you looking at his empty basket before nodding. “Yes please” 

“Let’s go then!” 

Silently you two walked. Before it was you who made conversation 

“How are your sisters” 

“Well. They actually really want to meet tuk soon” 

“That’s great! Tuk need a new bundle of friends to play with!” You spoke excited as you let him lead you away. 

“They seem to really like you too. Constantly asking me if you’d come over after lessons” 

You laughed a little before looking at him “what, you never brought a girl to your house?” 

You watched as he turned into himself. His shy demeanor didn't go unnoticed by you. “No… not really” 

“Oh! Sorry. I figured you may have” 

“Why?” 

“Well why not? Your very kind. Gentle on the eyes. And i think of you as a very mighty man” 

Rotxo rose a brow at this. Never had someone thought of him as such. “Really?” 

“Yes. Its a real shame if no one’s looked at you that way” 

Rotxo paused now watching as you got ahead of him before he asks “why?” 

“What do you mean why?” 

“I mean im sure someone as you had many mighty warriors seeking to court you, What makes me .. special?” 

You stopped. Now turning to look at him. 

“Yeah i had a few suitors. All of which were mighty warriors. Always hunting, always helping take out the sky people. But they aren’t my type at all” 

“Really? What is your type?” 

You purse your lips together. Bitting the inner cheek before turning to look at him head on “you” 

Eywa, you swore it may have been the cold or how loopy your mind felt. But you also weren’t a coward. You faced far scarier creatures, you’ve taken out the demons before and yet admitting to liking a boy was terrifying. 

“Me?” 

“Sure! You’re not only kind but you don’t Have an ego as most of them did. You’re very sweet and i saw the way you looked after your sisters. You’re an ideal man in my book” 

Rotxo had a sudden rush of excitement run up his spine. As he came up next to you looking at you eye to eye. “So im really worth looking at?” 

“Of course you are. You are strong, yes. You're Wonderful. I dont mind that you dont go out to hunt. But i find it so charming that you take care of your family when needed” You said smiling , stopping in front of a tree that he had guided you too. 

“I think i should like you too meet my family”  Rotxo asked. 

You are smiling. The dull ache of your head was still there but it subsided and it left you at ease while you were talking to him. 

“So you want me to get that fruit?” 

“Yes please!”

“Wait down here and stick the basket up. Ill bring down many” You said gripping down on the tree. Its unfamiliar bark prickling at your hands as you kept climbing up and on. 

You noticed that it wasn’t at its ripe stage. Its color is a clear indicator. No doubt this being the only fruit that was safe enough for a metkayina to reach. 

You decided to head up to the sky where the air was clear and you could see as far as your eyes could reach. You missed feeling the wind this high. But you wasted no time throwing fruit down as much as you could before taking some down with your tail and your available hand. 

Roxto looked at the basket as you dropped it. Questioning if you in fact came back with the right thing. But offering your already bitten fruit he had no doubt. It was sweet with a savory taste. 

It was good, Eywa how thankful was he for you

“Come Let us deliver this to your family! Id be happy to see it to meet your family” You said, taking the basket you had previously in your hands. Waited for him to lead you to his home.

======================

Taglist: 32/34

@azaleaniath / @alana69s

Perma Taglist: 13/15

@fanboyluvr / @oasis-balli

[1eos]

hi miss kendra, i need some advice if you don't mind. your new job journey has inspired me to quit the fuckass job i'm sick of but the audhd hates to think of change, and i don't know if i should just go for a masters instead to jump up a level in the job market. or, would you suggest joining the girls in stem with a python course? i hate to see my degree (business) go to waste and have been avoiding smth in software bc of that but if the jobs are good i might have to bc i can NOT stay here any longer w no progression money wise.

i dont mind at all <3 the main reason why i will never leave tumblr is that if you curate it right this can really become a support group for audhd adults and we all help each other survive this sick ass world. bc wow that audhd response to change is sooooo hard to deal with in the workplace which sucks bc in this current climate changing jobs frequently kinda is the wave rn

but anyways advice. obvs i can't know exactly what's best for you but i will throw some questions that helped me figure out where to narrow my focus!

1st. to answer the question is i would suggest joining the girls in stem. absolutely! but don't limit your focus to a python course. the main reason i didnt get into stem earlier was that i didn't realize there were sooooo many different niches of stem and thought that just bc i didnt necessarily want to do 0s and 1s exclusively it wasn't for me but now taking different classes im seeing its a lot of different things i could excel in. like i went in doing web design and realized while i don't enjoy that the way i expected it introduced me to networking, cybersecurity, and data science which i AM interested in. so if you're interested but java gives you the ick (valid) def start poking around free resources first before committing. i investigated some reddit threads and found online it training things that i did and ofc there are a bunch of books too

currently ive subscribed to tryhackme. of all of the hands on training courses its one of the cheapest at $14 a month and its walking me through all the different areas of networking and cybersecurity and its been helpful in getting my feet wet so i can pinpoint what fields im genuinely interested in. currently, im focused on trying to find a field where im truly 100% interested in digging in bc for me ive found caring abt my field gives me excitement that takes the edge off of the ego death change puts me through 😭😭😭😭

i say all that first bc a masters will be a GREAT boon to level up your income esp if you want to work for any kind of university which i would recommend as a good starting place bc the benefits tend to be really good and colleges are relatively more chill workplaces. however, depending on which field you go in just know that a lot of jobs will take the official certifications and your bachelors. and certifications are way cheaper than masters degrees so keep that in mind. especially if you get a certification, get employed in the stem field and then you may have the chance of your employer helping pay for your masters

ofc if you can afford to get your masters now you could go the other direction and start school now and use your school's connections to get student work/part time work in your field and then your odds of being hired in a permanent position after graduating goes up by 300000000000%

and i would suggest sitting down and making a list of everything you hate about your current job and what, ideally, you want for not your dream job but like...the job that could bring you the most content you know? if you're not living to work, picture what you want to do and how your job can help facilitate that without getting in the way.

so like for me my goal is to be able to do the art i want to do without having to worry about starving to death and have as much time to focus on art. bc that's my goal i realized i wanted a job that:

in a stable field where i could potentially get a job anywhere

pays well and consistently

remote work possible

flexible schedule so that i could work less than 5 days a week

clear upward trajectory

not centered around customer service 😭

relatively low stress and doesnt need crazy hours

so with this listed out i realized i didn't actually want my main job to be in the art field bc of the inconsistency and that stem could work for me and then from there anytime i find a new job that i think i could do i investigate it and check to see if the field is shrinking, education requirements, etc etc.

this is a lot but i hope at least one of these thoughts helps you! 💖

[notesfrompanihida]

What's your ideal lover? Do you seek certain qualities in someone? Do you have any preferences for personalities or appearances?

ill add a few images below in terms of my physical preferences

body type has to be fit and lean. long hair for anyone who identifies as a man is mandatory, the longer the better. tattoos!!!!! loads of them!! i have a lot of other things i enjoy in terms of fashion, but the images would be the baseline for daily wear (corpse paint every day would be cool but not even i can pull that off due to sensory issues). they must enjoy wearing suits and being in one for me. if theyre not getting off to me drooling over them i dont want it

im bisexual so i dont care for gender, however i do have a slight preference for cis men solely for the fact that their dick is attached to them and they can use it on me wherever and whenever. THIS IS A PREFERENCE, NOT A MUST

ideally, my partner must have the same disorders i do, doesnt need to be all of them. sounds horrible but im not new to dating and it seems like people who are not mentally ill in the same way as cluster bs will never truly understand someone with bpd or npd due to the drastic differences in how our brains work. think back to your math classes, if you put two mentally ill people together the mental illness should cancel out. me and my cluster b partner could still have fights and arguments, but at least both of us will know exactly why the other is reacting the way they are. there wont be the same kind of judgement from the other person as there would be from someone who doesnt suffer with personality disorders

on the topic of disordered, my partner must have the same or very similiar kinks/fetishes that i do, for obvious reasons. im not vanilla and will never be. if someone cant handle that aspect of me, were not for each other

everything else is pretty standard, i.e they must have the same moral/political standing as me, etc. i want us to have similiar enough interests (music, hobbies, love languages, ideal way to spend the day, etc) but i do not want them to be a carbon copy of me. this person also has to be able to drive. i want my partner to be very obsessed with me. i suppress these tendencies in myself because i do not yet have a person who will be fully comfortable with them, but if i choose you to be my partner i fully expect you to be okay with my obsessive love and even encourage it. ill obviously want the same back. there will be some basic boundaries in terms of that but nothing crazy ;¬)

i come from a culture where courting is the norm, so regardless of gender, i would expect my partner to do that for me before we become official. unfortunately, ive never experienced such things towards myself and always ended up on the giving end of it. i wouldnt have an issue with that as i enjoy spoiling my subjects of interests for a variety of reasons, but eventually you start to wish you got similiar treatment back. im someone who will try and learn everything about you in one go so i can use that information when i enter that courting stage. i love buying gifts, food, and flowers for my interests, which is the same stuff i expect back. everything i do i expect back, from planning lavish dates and paying for everything to spontaneous bouquets here and there. treat me like i mean everything to you and you will receive the same, if not more, back

in terms of personality, its all fairly standard. loyal, caring, attentive, patient, kind, loving, etc. the mental disorders will give them the rest of the traits i want (worships me)

some minor things that id enjoy but arent mandatory: brunette (highly preferred im sick of blondes ruining my life), plays an instrument, does ballet, has a motorcycle, is bilingual, rides horses, ice skates better than me so that they can teach me how to skate backwards and do tricks, has either a cat or a wolf like dog that i can pet, plays in a band so i can get backstage privileges (and after the show they can enter my backstage hahahaha sorry)

sending this off with the prayer that my ideal person will see this and instantly know im the one

[dirteater69]

i watched wendigoons analysis of no country for old men earlier today and it got me thinking of themes in stories reflected through characters, and i started thinking about the themes of the killjoys fic im currently writing and how they reflect through the characters, so im gonna write some of it down now before i forget. im only on the third chapter and there will be at least ten when im finished, but this is based on what i have written and planned currently so i hope it makes sense. the main themes are pretty vague in my mind, but im thinking it will be along the lines of how real people shape themselves into characters+how real events are mythologized, how ideologies and hopes affect people, heroism and villainy, how committing and experiencing violence changes someone, what normalcy means, clinging onto or rejecting social norms in times where they have kind of lost all meaning.

in this post i will mainly write about how these themes reflect in the characters of jet star and party poison (at least how i write them) and their relationship and thoughts about each other.

party wants to be the hero and shapes themselves into that character: they are the leader of the killjoys, they are very charismatic and a good fighter, later on they become an important figure in zones society in the wake of the analog wars and lead many battles. they end up being seen as a hero by many and their actions in battles and other things about them are talked about around the zones as myths or folktales.

the thing is, deep down, party does not see themself as a hero. they feel that they have something at their core — whether that’s queerness, inability to conform to other social rules, committing violence — that makes them unable to embody the ideal of a hero that they have in their head. they feel that because there is something ‘wrong’ with them, they don’t deserve to get the things they want. this manifests most obviously in the story in their romance with jet, where they think that they can never, or should never, be in a relationship with him because they would taint his (perceived by them) normalcy and moral purity with their wrongness and strangeness; however, this is only part of the fact that they dont believe themself deserving of a good life at all.

they are the first of the killjoys to ever kill someone: it happens when they are all escaping battery city, and party ends up accidentally killing one of the bl/ind guards chasing them down. though this action may have saved all their lives, party still feels immense shame and horror at having done it. the night after, their first night in the zones, they have a nightmare where they are eating the body of the man they killed, and jet appears to kill them in a way reminiscent of putting down a sick animal. at their core, party believes that they are a villain and a danger to the people around them.

of course, in the middle of a horrible war, the zones needs a hero. that is what party shapes themself into: a loud, confident, violent leader of the zonerunners to take down bl/ind once and for all. there’s a sort of split in party’s identity, where on the outside, they are the hero of the zones, but on the inside, they believe themself to be a morally corrupt fraud who is going to ruin everything good and beautiful they touch. combined, this makes for an absolute monster of a martyr complex: if they die for a good cause, then the world will both be better because the thing they’re fighting for (the freedom of the zones, the destruction of bl/ind) has succeeded, and because the evil that they bring into the world simply by existing is gone.

one other thing i want to touch on with party is how they deal with social norms. before beginning life in the zones they knew they were nonbinary but didn’t really have a safe way to express it besides going by they/them around kobra and later, when they met, the other killjoys, but when they enter the zones they begin to present more femininely. in the first chapter, party and ghoul (who is transmasc, and who i have a ton of other thoughts about) have a whole conversation about gender, which might be one of my favorite parts that ive written so far, and it ends with them swapping pieces of the school uniforms they had to wear at the school in battery city, with party wearing ghouls skirt and ghoul wearing their pants. i haven’t written any more in that vein yet, but i want to explore party’s gender more in the fic. they are definitely very open to rejecting gender norms, at least when they have the opportunity, and it’s an extremely joyful experience for them to present the way they want, but it still sort of claws at them. to them, gender nonconformity doesn’t fit with that idea of heroism that they have. when they present more femininely, they almost feel like they’re betraying the people in the zones that believe in them, like they’re ruining the hero.

this is where we get to their perception of jet star. i mentioned earlier how they feel like he’s too good for them to pursue him romantically, but there is so much more to that. to party, jet is the ideal of heroism that they feel they should be; more so, he represents the ideal of american masculinity that they betray when they present femininely. they piece together true and half-true things about him to create a version of him in their mind that they can compare themself to, furthering their idea of themself as a villain. when they decorate the masks and ray guns of all the killjoys, they make jets red, white, and blue. this idolization also ties into the shame that they feel about the violence that they commit. there is of course the nightmare they have of him killing them for having killed the bl/ind guard, but there is also the fact that while they are a very active fighter in the analog wars, jet mainly works in the medical tents. they destroy things, he fixes things. (never mind the fact that the destruction they commit is against bl/ind) this idolized idea of jet eventually ends up clashing with the real him in a scene late in the fic, where they have a whole breakdown at him about how bad of a person they are, including how they’ve ‘ruined’ him by simply being his friend. he doesn’t have a clue what they’re talking about.

but what is actually going through jet stars head throughout all of this? well, while party is eager to show themself as a hero, jet tries to portray himself as the ‘everyman’, the regular person in a world of chaos and absurdity. this is how he’s been coping with the trauma he’s experienced at the hands of bl/ind: he is sent away from his family’s farm in zone 8 to a ‘reformation academy’ in battery city, and ends up staying there for several years before escaping with the other killjoys, but throughout those years he thinks of it as something fleeting and temporary; surely, he’ll get back to zone 8 soon, to return to his normal life. he’s not actually some kind of crazed desert rebel like the rest of the killjoys, he’s just a regular american farm boy who’s been thrust into a strange situation by forces beyond his control, and as soon as he gets the opportunity he’ll return to that life. even when beginning life in the inner zones, surrounded by the stranger aspects of zone culture, this is how he thinks and portrays himself to others — or, at least, tries to. it’s related to how he deals with trauma. while party thinks of the bad things that they’ve been through as yet another thing that makes them wrong and unfit, yet another thing that makes them the villain, they at least acknowledge that it’s happened. jet just tries to suppress those thoughts completely.

however, his entire idea of returning to a normal life in zone 8 falls apart once he sees what’s happened to it. when he travels to zone 8 for the first time in years, it’s entirely under the control of bl/ind, unrecognizable from the wholesome farm society he remembers. his plans for a normal life — and, furthermore, his thoughts of himself as a normal person — begin to fall apart when he sees the place representative of his old life destroyed. party is with him in that scene, and though he has to break through all his layers of emotional repression for it and it makes him almost feel physically sick, he manages to explain some of his issues to them. one of the things they say in response is something that will be very relevant to both their character arcs: “normal isn’t a thing anymore”.

jet is soon embroiled in the chaos of the analog wars along with the other killjoys, but he still clings to some ideas of normalcy. whereas party is an avid fighter, jet stays out of battles until it is absolutely necessary for him to join, instead helping out in the medical tents and administering first aid on the battlefield. though he isn’t explicit about it, he does kind of look down on the zonerunners most active in the fighting, especially the ones that don’t show any shame or remorse about the violence they commit and sometimes even delight in it (cough cough, a certain bomb-building thrill-chasing black-haired city-born adrenaline junkie with no regard for social niceties, mayhaps?).

of course, the main exception for this is party poison, because love makes you ever the hypocrite — and it is love that he feels for them, though he doesn’t realize it, and certainly wouldn’t admit it for the majority of the story. party falls for his front of the normal, well-adjusted american farm boy, and he falls for their charismatic hero persona in turn. while he does help people in his role as a medic, and sees it as far more preferable to shooting peoples brains out with a blaster, bl/ind goons or not, he finds his unwillingness to fight kind of cowardly. this ties into many other things he believes about himself, like shame about not having fought back against bl/ind when they were taking over zone 8 and he still lived there, as well as the idea that he can’t truly be useful to his community. the latter relates heavily to his issues with normalcy and his own identity: he’s spent so much effort on trying to make himself as palatable as possible that he’s almost cheated himself out of an identity, trying to appear normal to the point where he feels like he doesn’t have any real good traits or talents left. party is the opposite of all of this for him. they are loud and unapologetic about who they are (or, who they want people to think they are), they don’t have any qualms about doing what they have to in order to save the world, they are the ideal of a true zonerunner and hero.

circling back to jet, the thing about him is that he is not as normal as he tries to make himself seem. throughout the story, he slowly gets more comfortable showing small, strange parts of himself to the people around him. he seems to have taken party’s words to heart, at least partially: normal isn’t a thing anymore. it’s only small things, he still deals with some heavy repression of trauma and trouble facing a lot of his own feeling and desires, but its a start. he has his own quirks and absurdities, his own traits that make him a unique and fucked up person. i don’t have every part of those developments planned out, but i know that at least some of it will be in relation to gender, like growing his hair out and presenting more femininely in other ways. he would have a lot more inhibitions to let go off before really being able to face his thoughts about his own gender than party would, just due to the environment and pressures he’s been raised with. (a full exploration of jet’s gender would not really fit in this fic just with the story outline I have planned, but i might write a continuation that goes more into detail. my hc for jet’s gender in the music video era is a he/she transfem, though this fic takes place many years before that and jet still thinks of herself as a cis guy for most of it.) the point being, jet is not actually the one of the killjoys who is the most normal; he is just the one who’s the best at pretending to be.

when jet and party actually acknowledge their feelings for each other, they both have to break down a lot of emotional barriers to do so, and it’s a large part of them beginning to reject the characters they’ve resigned themselves to. party has to realize that they are not an inherently horrible person and that they do deserve to live a good life, that jet is not an untouchable object that they’ll ruin by being close to. jet has to accept that he’s allowed to love someone he’s been taught he’s not allowed to love, that just because he’s in a relationship unlike the ones he’s ‘supposed’ to want doesn’t make it any less real. it heavily involves them letting each other off the pedestals they’ve put each other on, and loving the real person underneath the persona. that is actually an interesting thing that is true for both of them: while they fixate on the fronts that the other puts up, it’s the real person underneath that they fall in love with. jet idolizes the heroic leader that party tries to be, but falls in love with their kindness and vulnerabilities. party envies jets projected normality and righteousness, they fall in love with the strange quirks that make him who he is.

their emotional journeys won’t have full resolutions in this fic, but if i finish it i will probably write a continuation in which the analog wars have ended and there is more focus on the characters emotional development. it would show more of that theme of them letting go of the roles they’ve placed themselves in: party realizing that they don’t need to act a specific way or have a certain personality to be a hero, they just need to help people; jet letting go of his attachment to normalcy. they don’t need to be perfect heroes, they don’t need to follow specific norms or rules. they just need to be who they are, and that’s some fucked up kids stuck in a fucked up situation just trying to make the best of it.

of course, even with those emotional issues resolved, they still struggle. I mentioned at the beginning the theme of real events being turned into myths, and that would certainly be relevant to the killjoys, especially to party. during the analog wars, the image of party poison as a hero and leader of the zones spread quick and they were mythologized into an almost godlike figure. (this is true for the other killjoys as well, but not to such an extent.) this image comes to haunt them even when the wars have ended: wherever they go, they are expected to live up to this idea of themself that they have long since let go of and never even really fit in the first place. the mythologizing is to the point where certain people who preach about the figures of party poison and the killjoys don’t even know what they actually look like.

there is also the fact that while the analog wars have technically ended, there are still attacks occasionally made by bl/ind, and the killjoys have to defend themselves with violence whether they like it or not. the ‘end’ of the analog wars also brings along some other questions about the themes: how do the killjoys deal with the absurdity of their lives when they can no longer blame it on existing in an active war zone? how do they rebuild their lives after all that non-stop violence? again, this is if i finish the fic im currently writing.

im not sure how to end this post but it’s been fun to write and i hope other people might enjoy reading it. i might write a similar one about how the same themes reflect in fun ghoul and kobra kid, but i dont know.

[weirdcat1213]

Its time for the weekly horrors- I mean Trimax vol 3 >:3

The Thoughts:

chap 1:

-AH EVERYTHING IS FALLING

-bro you are about to get into a fight can you stop thinking about your bf for 5 minutes

-fr tho, vash's words making him hesitate/angry is so dcfgjhbkml

-why everyone wants my babygirl dead :c

-now now, comparing someone with their brother isnt a nice thing to do

-oh so now we're not even making an allegory, he actually called him jeesus

-also "your soul is forced to endure the sorrow by the hundreds, suffering by the thousands, and the rage by the hundreds of thousands" im gonna throw up cuz of how that GOOD and PAINFUL that shit is

-the polar opposite of being a human huh...i mean besides something i said weeks ago about how he's further away from humanity more than he would like that point is interesting cuz most of the time we call him someone who is more human than any other person. he carries more pain than any human could endure and definitely has more patience than anyone will ever have but...hm...i want to come back to this

-ww pls dont make me cry today pls honey

-oh im gonna cry

-"your ideals will join you in the grave" i fucking hate thats the reason why we all try to be better people, thanks to that fucking wet cat of a man i cannot deal actually

-MILLIE :D

chap 2:

-i dont have much to say about battles but let it be on the record that I'm enjoying ww's eyes sm

-oh page 38 is cool as hell

-OH SHIT IS THAT HIS FUCKING SPINE????

chap 3:

-ww stop having pretty eyes youre distracting

-meanwhile :3

-ah geesus the body horror (so good but creepy)

-EYES :D

-so many fucking details. nightow got down even the smallest scribbles, as 98 vash would say

-oh right that....thats still upsetting

-i fucking swear people need to leave my son alone

-also fucking hate that he had to SHOOT A BABY even if it was fake

-I FUCKING HATE THIS ACTUALLY

-i can feel his fucking mind breaking i cant do this

chap 4:

-"i cant do this" yet here i am lmao

-i think if vash held me like hes holding that girl a lot of my problems would be resolved ngl

-characters reciting names always get to me :c

-also HA EAT THE PTSD ASSHOLE

-"why are there so many" brad you may want to sit down for this one

-..................i deadass thought "oh the doctor is here" IVE READ THIS BEFORE AND I FELL FOR IT AGAIN

-vash with his hair down :3

-nah hes not gonna kill you BUT HE FUCKING SHOULD

-oh i will kill so many people (vash is bleeding)

-hm. this reminds me of something in houseki no kuni (i wont spoil but maybe ichikawa had trigun as inspo which would be cool af)

chap 5:

-oh im yeeting myself (ww thinks about the children) -ww gives in his anger and fear when punching those weirdass faces but I'm gonna say this once: that doesn't make him weaker or worst. i haven't seen anyone think that of ww, i just feel that when he compares himself to vash he feels that way and i cant stand it :)

-vash i fucking swear-

-oh god the fingers...the fucking fingers...

-oh you are NOT talking to my vash about pain and agony

-OH WAIT I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD THAT PANEL OH GOD NO I HATE REREADS WTF

-XD my girls

no wait i need to get back to that. i thought that was emilio's dad not fucking vash himself oh my god I'm sick so sick actually wtfffffffffffff

chap 6:

-is this the chapter with the gays eyes cuz I'm not ready for that-

-oh fuck you nightow. fuck you for putting knives in the title page and the title being "families"

-i want to punch so many things but I'm at work. fuck

-also i forgot about this stampede parallel GOD WHEN DOES MY SUFFERING END

-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THE GAY EYESSSSSSS

-yeah i agree this is literally the moment. like fuck. fuck actually. fuck what else is there to say.

-fuck

-like hes so fucking terrified that he was afraid for him, what his journey is causing ww, but even if he wanted ww to stay away and safe he knows ww would say fuck off, but also vash would not be able to take it

-THERES SO MUCH FEAR AND LOVE IN THOSE EYES IM GONNA BITE MY HAND

-OH I CANT ACTUALLY WHY DOES THIS HURT SO MUCH WTF

-im so fucking upset cuz the last 3 chapters were basically fights. they were full of energy and shit but now that is over and they are in a rare moment of peace, and everything fucking hits.

-im gonna go outside and step into oncoming traffic

-YES LUIDA MY QUEEN SHUT HIM UP

-WOLFWOOD :D pls never leave me

-i....*implodes*

-i am nothing. i just remembered that.

-OH CMONNNNNN

chap 7

-maybe i dont want to read trimax anymore. maybe a little person like me isn't strong enough for a 2nd round of the pain. with that in mind, lets keep reading :D

-WHERES THE NIGHTOW PUNCHING BAG WHEN YOU NEED IT

-wolfwood what he is it doesnt matter i swear pls cant you just love him?

-:c

-i dont like vash being emotionally attached to stuff cuz that means i have to yell HES LIKE ME FR FR

-oh that....that beautiful panel...amazing

-i think my mind blocked this out because of the previous sad things that happened, so now my brain is allowing me to process more sad things :3

-"i still have so much i must do" and i see i still have many tears to cry out huh?

-ofc wolfwood would ask about redemption

-cant my man show an important part of his past and show vulnerability in front of his friends in peace? damn

-im gonna start bitting my glasses

-GAY MOMENT PART 2 INCOMING

-luida pls i want to stop crying

-oh wolfwood honey....you just fell so hard for my man didnt ya

-i just realized the chapter is called "life as a" and I THINK the idea is to complete it with "life as a 'vash the stampede'" cuz he's not human

OK GREAT NOW I CAN RUN TO THE WASHROOM AND FUCKING CRY :D

[djuvlipen]

Apologies for the personal rant

I found out after my dad's death that my grandmother, his mum, was a gypsy (forgive me, I have been told that is a bad word but that's the one she used). She never talked about her past so we never knew the details but the assumption is that she ran away in her teens and just denied it all until she got old and finally told her kids where she was from.

Unfortunately she's too sick now to have these conversations (alzheimers) so its unlikely we will ever find out any more. My dad was supposedly embarassed by it so I didn't find out until after he passed. I told a few friends what I had found out and some are now acting real weird around me.

I don't really know what to do with this. I'm not about to start walking around saying I'm a traveller like an American finding out they are 1/16th Scottish. But on the other hand I don't want to ignore and be embarrassed by it like my dad. I dont want my grandmother and her life to be a hidden embarrassing family secret. But my mates reaction made it clear what treatment I might be in for if I own this as part of me. Is it even part of me? We don't even know what background she had, romani, traveller, gypsy are all kind of treated as synonymous here by people outside those groups.

I don't know anywhere else to ask, what do you think?

No worries! you can rant!

First of, I want you to know stories like yours aren't at all uncommon, and I am not just talking about "learning you have romani descent as a late teen/adult" or "my parent was ashamed so they didn't tell me about it". In my (Western European) country, many romani people call themselves "gypsies" (kind of as a slang) without ever specifying their exact ethnic group (sinti, kale, rom, european traveller, etc) and it can be very confusing for those who don't know the specifics. i think it's because in western europe at least, all those ethnic groups i mentioned intermarried to the point some families can't exactly define their exact background. i was actually watching a romani activist on youtube the other day, and he was arguing that the need to strictly classify, divide and define the ethnic/racial identity of romani people was actually an obsession of non-romani people. in actuality, the lines between those romani and traveller ethnic groups are more blurry than what many people are led to believe, and that's why many romani people just call themselves "gypsies". anyway, i am saying all this because it might provide some insight into your family history.

so yeah, advice number 1: don't obsess too much about the exact ethnic group of your grandma. i know it would of course be ideal if you could find it out at some point, but in some cases it's impossible to, and that's not necessarily a bad thing nor does it change anything about your grandma's life.

I am sorry your friends reacted poorly. I don't know what country you are from (i know that in europe people can be very offensive and virulent and that in north america, they can be very oblivious and stupid). No one should make you feel ashamed of your ancestry, no matter your ethnic background. Personally, I do believe this is a part of you to the extent that this is a part of your family history. your grandmother being romani (even if she wasn't "in the community" anymore) obviously influenced her life, influenced your father's and potentially influenced yours one way or another. that's a family history non-romani people don't have.

So, even though I do think being romani is a lived reality that comes with its own social, cultural, economic challenges unknown to people who didn't grow up in a romani family, i also think people with romani ancestry can feel a special kinship with romani people. cultivating that kinship is a good way to feel connected with your heritage without overstepping, imo. this will sound very cliché but i think learning about romani history, about anti-romani racism (especially in your country), by meeting romani people (actual romani people, not those 1/8th americans), are good ways to feel connected while keeping a respectful distance, and it will also make you stronger next time someone feels entitled enough to insult your ancestry.

[wewontdieunbloomed]

this is part two of unlearning the bad things i unconsciously learnt from last year.

part one was the negative default pessimism i fall in to, which i keep calling it me being emo which means i dwell in my “misery” for far too long, instead of trying to think of something positive to get myself moving out of the bad zone i am in. as we are often told, sadness and negativity gets comforting, it feels like you are protecting yourself. but one cannot see beauty in life and find joy for oneself if one does not make oneself vulnerable.

and so making myself vulnerable is what ive been doing. trying to romanticise this state that im in, a liminal space, at crossroads. its not the most ideal, too many things are unknown and for the first time in my life im dealing with having barely any structure to my days, with nothing to do yet so much i should do.

it took me quite a while to stop lamenting this unknown and start returning to the foundations i built this blog and my entire philosophy off, the whole concept of “lest we die unbloomed” of making sure i dont realise one day ive wasted my time. and in small parts i like to think ive made progress on that

the focus now is the second part. i lost a lot of my attention span and impulse control, and today i reached a horrible point where i am sitting on the kitchen floor at 9 with no dinner, having ruined my microwave dinner out of a lack of common sense. i am not sure if all this recent muddling is because of covid brain fog or the horrifying amount of screen time i have had recently, but i was so sick of it. i have done a lot of things on impulse recently, and though today i had a really fulfilling day spending time with people i havent in a long time, when i got home and im back to reality of the things i havent done and been procrastinating for too long on, i felt horrible. this need to change, i realised.

so this is part two. it calls back to one of the values i set as something important to myself, being honest with myself. i know what im doing now is not working. i know that even though i use my planner im not sticking to it. i know my todo lists are not helping me. then why do i stubbornly stick to methods i know dont work? i told myself a year ago i would not change my system if it doesnt need to be changed. i have forgotten that i need to change it when it does. how silly! so im changing.

so in the last 2 hours in order to get myself up ive written todo lists on paper instead of in my journal. used a timer for every single step from shower to sweeping the floor to brushing my teeth. enough lazing around and letting simple things occupy too much time. its a parkinsons law thing.

enough doomscrolling and opening instagram when i have nothing to do. im setting a limit for a block of time in the day where i am not allowed to use social media, pwrhaps not any internet at all. i need to make drastic change, even if it seems inconsequential. it might not be academic but its personal. and my personal life and what i want to do with my time is worth taking big measures for, because it should be more important than all that revision for exams i used to do.

so the point f this ramble is to clear things out with myself. make some sense of whats goijg on. have a direction. tomorrow i have an interview. ill come home and do the chores i have to. prepare for my afternoon activity. go for lunch and my afternoon appointment. go for a run. buy dinner. write my applications. research on uni stuff. read a book. and all the other tint things i need to give more importance to even though they seem inconsequential. it sa new mantra ive gotten into ever since part one of this. that “this is the way” this is the new way. enough lazing. its time to go hard and be rurhless. take things up a notch because when else can i do it? go big from experiences to measures i have to take to discipline myself. this is the way.

04.04.2023

[ortelassa-goldstein]

THIS IS ALL COMPLICATED (except Gale lol)

Another shitpost about my beloved tav Haltyrr. Now about her relationship with companions. More details under the cut.

template by @raysoffrost, thank you!

(Please note - everything below is written on behalf of my oc. My own opinion may be different! I find all the characters charming, but from Hal's point of view it's a little more complicated) (oh and pls ignore my bad english, i try my best, thank you)

Shadowheart. This girl is harmed. She bleeds painfully right front of me and pretend to be fine, pretend no one sees her weakness. She NEEDS something. Protection, maybe? I dont understand. She is so funny in her pathetic rudeness. When I look at her, I feel my own weakness, and it's sucks. I should stay away. Lae'zel. I never seen githyanki before, and this woman was mystery… For some time. She's annoying, she's predictable, and… amazing in her faith. I adore her directness and urgency to fight to the death for her ideals, but also this is a blindness. She always follows the line of least resistance. People like Laezel are good on battlefield. I need these type in our journey, but she and i will never be an equal and never understand each other. Maybe one day she'll try to kill me, or, maybe I'll kill her first. Karlach. A simple woman, maybe too simple for me, but, in any case, she knows how to prioritize correctly and live in the present moment. She is very sensitive and perfectly defuses the situation if tense raises because of someone else's sick ego. We need her. Actually, I think, everyone needs a woman like Karlach. Jaheira. I don't know how to treat her. Sometimes she looks so much like me and this is pisses me off. But sometimes I find sweet how she grumbles and looks at everyone like at stupid children. I'm sure she sees it too - we are quite similar, and it's better for us to keep a respectful distance from each other, otherwise one day well fight to death, and then we both regret it. Halsin. Well, he's huge, a druid and an elf at the same time. It's a terrible mix in my opinion. Sometimes I'm just freaking SCARED of him. Druids are strange af. Elven druids?! Please don't. Part of me despises Halsin for just running away from his beloved grove when it needs a competent guidance more than anything else, but at least my weirdos like him. (or I'm too soft-hearted). Gale. If someone hurts Gale, it will be the last thing they will do in their lives ever. (I wish I could beat the shit out of his ex, but it's hard with goddesses.) Perhaps this man is the only one from all over the upper world who really understands and accepts me. I don`t know how he did it, but my trust in him is unshakable. Magic, probably. Astarion. I don't blame him for trying to survive. I blame him for doing it ridiculously. Sometimes he tires me so much that I want to tie him up and throw into the river. Next to Astarion, I feel like a babysitter, and this is the last thing I would like to do in our situation. I think sooner or later this pathetic elf will get angry because of a something Very Important For Him in a teenager way and leave, and it would be noble of me not to stick a dagger in his back. If you want to be respected, respect in return, darling. Wyll. I don't understand what he's still doing in my camp at all. I mean, I've heard so many rude things from him about how unreasonably cruel I am that it's even funny. I behave quite decently and don't even point out to Wyll that he seems to be much more interested in wine, pretentious speeches and condemning everyone in a row (me in particular), instead of doing, you know, things. He also brought this annoying devil with him. Oh, spider queen, give me strength.

[oathofkaslana]

hi!!!! since you are the number one-est collie fan I have ever met,,

at what point (if they even do do.) in the story do you think they’ll end up roping her back in?? since she (and A TON of other characters. like cyno. to be fair) has a ton of un-expanded lore that is very, very end game reminiscent ,?

hi >p< i tooootally didnt forget about this...........

anyways. hmm... w the role she's currently playing i dont think they'll necessarily pull her in for teyvat lore as a whole. if anything i could see them pulling her back for sumeru and dottore lore since that's where her lore connections intentionally shine! i'd like to see her in mondstadt more but i really dont think her role there should be related to mond lore. various list below:

cyno -> obviously her being a narrative parallel of cyno (literally acknowledged in the game btw..) i could see the archon residue somehow working w temple of silence and hermanubis lore.

nahida and wanderer -> this is less likely and i dont even know the ideal way they could add it in now since my ideal for them requires a rewrite of sumeru..... but these three make me sick in the head w the way theyre narratively linked and missed opportunity, especially since collei's religious trauma could've made sumeru and its introduction of the samsara cycle a lot more powerful since itd be another strong way of connecting the religious tension in sumeru to khaenri'ah

and. reading that back thats a bit difficult to follow but i cant phrase it very coherently but my thought process there is like:

devotees -> nilou, dunyarzad (kusanali); the people of the rain forest (rukkhadevata); the people of the desert (al-ahmar); fatui? (tsaritsa)

atheist/treats godhood differently -> collei (antagonistic towards the gods because of teh fatui, hesitantly cautious now); dottore (literally aiming to to ascend a mortal to divinity); khaenri'ah (dislikes the gods at the most and completely neutral to them at the least. keep in mind khaenri'ah's entrance is below sumeru); abyss sibling

oh yk.. -> wanderer (sees godhood as a role he needs to play and becomes an artificial god); the sages (literally kept nahida locked up and tried replacing her with another god); traveler (general neutrality on the archons?)

anyways. all that to say i think in a religious commentary, collei's character would've helped examine the religious tensions in sumeru AND dottore. <- literally a big part of my non-existent sumeru rewrite btw kbsdknj. like. lore-wise it'll be important yes but mostly because it's important to sumeru.

archon biology ig -> i could also seeing them use her to teach us about archon residue kinda like the baizhu story quest.