#I HAVE BEEN THINKING OF REPLIES. theres this one ive been on for weeks and i still havent even written it out lmao

[n7punk]

i want a neopets nostalgia website you can't log into, it just always looks like you're logged in to the original site circa late 2000s and the main purpose of the fansite is just to recreate the feeling of going onto neopets to do your dailies as a kid. you can click around the world map, and take something from the omelet even though you don't have an account and thus an inventory, and you can spin the wheels, and you can go look in the shops even though you cant really buy anything, and you can go play the old flash games because they've been converted somehow, and maybe there's even a fabricated issue of the neopian times you can check. like it's all very simplified and obviously entire sections of the site like the battle dome would be missing, but you can Get That Feeling again just by poking around. no accounts, so no logging in needed and no large server space or cybersecurity required for the host (not that the real neopets ever had the latter), i just want to click on little secrets on the world map and play the hannah trilogy or ice cream factory or caves & corridors again

[pomfiores]

as per my last post, thank you for the patience akjfha and putting up with my babbling from the void. hopefully when I get my two days off back to back, I’ll be here. I do like dedicating one day to being here and bumming it out but kfjsa we’ll fucking see I guess. :/

[thechaoticplayer]

Luca smut omg- bratty reader and brat tamer luca 🛐 jsbsjdbjshs i can't stop thinking about it

author's note: JEJEHDIEDHEI 😩😩😩 BRAT TAMER LUCA... TY ANON BC IM A BRAT MYSELF AND OMLLLLLL YES JUST. YES. Also mad shorter than expected but what can I sayyyy

Summary: Brat Tamer Luca has to put your bratty ass into place for all the shit you've been doing to him <3

Contains: FILTHY FILTHY DIRTY SMUT. LUCA KANESHIRO X READER. eatablished relationship, degrading, Luca bullying you and being extremely rough but that's ok bc hes such a daddy, my phone being on 19% and forcing it to work like Luca is with u fr

Mdni or not idgaf

Being the mafia boss's boyfriend came with a shit ton of perks: no one could say anything to you (you can't do this or you're not allowed to do that), you could do basically whatever the hell you want without repercussions, and Luca Kaneshiro spoiled you to death. It wouldn't have come as a surprise if you turned into a brat because of it.

And here you are, whining because your boyfriend has to go meet with some guy he's working with. He's not as important as you are!

"Babe, I have to go, it's important for the mafia," Luca murmurs softly into your hair as you cling to him tightly. Your arms wrapped around his waist and face buried in his chest, you showed no signs of letting go. He sighs. "I'll try my best to make it quick, alright? Just-"

"No!" Your muffled voice replies, before glancing up at him with big eyes. "I want you. To stay."

"Babe..."

"Don't 'babe' me. I guess your mafia is more important than me." You release him and step back, abruptly turning your back towards him, crossing your arms. "Whatever. Bye."

Luca stares at your back for a second, absolutely torn for a second. "What? no, of course you're important-"

"I'm second and always be second, huh?" You saunter to the bed you two share and throw yourself onto it. You rest your hand on your forehead, closing your eyes. "It's fine. Go ahead. I'll just find someone else to play with."

He goes silent. You don't open your eyes.

A beat's worth of silence. "Got nothing to say now, huh?" You scoff, a smirk playing on your lips. "I suppose you've gotten so-"

You yelp as you feel rough hands latch themselves onto your thighs and yank you downwards, and your eyes fly open. Luca leans over you with a dark look in his eyes, brows furrowed in silent anger.

"You suppose ive gotten... what?" The plush of your ass is tightly against his crotch, his gloved hands digging into your skin.

"...soft." His eyes smolder, a fire in his gaze as he leans closer to your face.

"Soft?" He echoes, a sultry chuckle sending a shiver upon your spine. "No no no, I think you got it all wrong, sweetheart..."

The mafia boss hooks your legs over his shoulders, his bigger and wider form trapping you underneath him as he grinds against your wet panties, the skirt your wearing riding up to your hips. You stifle a moan, biting your lip hard.

"You've always liked it when I'm a bit rough with you, hmm?"

"Tch! Don't you have somewhere to be?" You reply haughtily, trying hard for a whimper to not slip past your lips as he grinds slowly.

"It can wait, no? Besides..." Luca's breath tickles your ear. "Theres a certain someone, who needs to be taken care of."

"Yeah. Your friend."

"What a fucking-" Out of nowhere, Luca flips you onto your stomach, leaving you squawking as he spread your legs open, ass in the air. "Brat."

"W-wait a minute!" You stammer as you turn your head to see him rip off his pants and unleashing his cock from its confines, big and hard. The glint in his eyes suggest you were probably not going to be able to walk for a good couple of weeks. "L-Luca, wait!"

"No," he growls, pushing your panties aside and sinking his still gloved fingers into you. A whimper tears itself from your throat as he plunges the digit in and out of your crying hole. "Brats need to be taught a fucking lesson. look at how wet you are. Filthy slut."

"I wouldn't have been- mmph! A b-brat if you didn't leave me all the- ah... t-time!" You blabber, your legs already shaking a bit from how rough and quickly he was fingering you.

"Leave you?" Luca repeats, incredulous. "God, I made you into a fucking brat! Spoiling you all the time, giving you everything you could have ever wanted..."

He slips his finger out, lining up his cock with your entrance. Your mouth almost waters at the sight and he laughs at your lustful expression. "Is this what you want? then I'll gladly give to you, and you won't even dare forget this..."

The mafia boss shoves his girth into, splitting you open. You cry out, hands gripping the sheets as Luca doesn't even allow you to adjust to his size. You were fucked by him plenty of times before, but your hole could never get quite used to his thickness. Luca drills his cock into you, the fat tip kissing your g-spot deliciously so.

The bed squeaks and groans underneath you both, loud moans spilling from your mouth. You turn your face into the pillows, only to be yanked back up. You gasp as Luca forces you to arch, the angle causing you to see stars.

"L-Luca- a-ah! Fuck fuck fuckfuck-" You moan and whimper and whine as Luca's dick pummels itself into you, your walls clenching around him.

"This is what you want, huh?" Luca breaths raggedly into your ear, one hand fondling with your tit. How sensitive you've become, moaning from pure pleasure. "Want me to fuck you dumb?"

"Y-y-you asshole-!"

A sharp snap of his hips force you to choke on another keening moan. "What was that, darling? couldn't catch that."

Only moans answer and he chortles. Luca can feel you getting close, but why stop there? Why not make you wish you never provoked him in the first place? How dare you say that you'll go find someone else to play with in his absence! He tsks as you squirm underneath him. No no, he'll make you beg for him to stop, and even after that he won't obey.

You cum hard around his cock but the mafia boss still bullies himself into you as you twitch. tears rolls down your face as you attempt to scramble away, but Luca pulls you all the way back so now you're riding his cock, back arched against him. You babble sentences don't even make sense as your brain was fucked to mush.

"What's wrong? can't speak anymore?" Luca coos, thrusting himself deeper and deeper. His voice deep and husky, your fluids staining his shirt but he could really care less. "Fucked you so good- what a cock drunk whore."

You whine, skin slapping against skin as you ride his dick, legs shaking and stickiness against your thighs. Luca bites your neck, leaving a trail of bite marks against your dainty skin. He licks from your shoulder to your neck, suckling. Luca can feel the vibrations through your throat as you make such pretty noises for him. Was it possible that he seemed to get even harder and even larger inside of you?

His hips slot up to meet yours and you cum once more, drool dripping down your lips. Luca groans as he feels your walls clench and your hot cum envelopes his dick. He fucks you through your second orgasm until he releases a guttural grunt and shoots his loads deep into your tummy.

"I'm not done," he pants, pulling out of you and throwing you back down on your back. "So far from done."

"L-Luca..." you whimper quietly, body heaving and near close to exhaustion.

He cups a hand to your cheek. "You did this to yourself, pretty girl..."

Luca's mouth hovers over your tit, blowing on it and watching the nipple grow hard. Another chuckle as he pops the tit into his mouth, sucking hard. Your hand finds itself in his blond hair, soft and airy whines in the air. He releases the tit and goes to the other, teeth grazing it.

He kisses down your tummy, opening your legs in the process. The mafia boss lowers to your aching pussy, somehow getting wet all over again. Luca licks a stripe up your abused cunt and a shaky sigh comes out your mouth.

"Horny bitch." Bringing you closer to his mouth, his tongue circles your clit as his hot breaths fan in between your thighs. "Came twice already, and it still isnt enough..."

His entire mouth is on you now, slurping and teasing and sucking. You tug his hair hard, making the mafia boss growl lowly into your pussy. The vibrations add to the upcoming orgasm, your moans filling the room and you were sure everyone within the house could hear. Neither of you gave a damn as he continued his assault on your weeping cunt.

You cum against his face and he laps up every single drop, kissing and biting your thighs while doing so. Your chest rises rapidly up and down, and Luca observes your fucked out expression. Your eyelids are heavy, and you're just about ready to pass out.

Until... "Oh no, you aren't getting any breaks." Luca yanks you back up and turns himself in one smooth motion so now you're kneeling before him, his yet again hard cock in front of your eyes. "Suck, whore."

You eagerly take the cock in your hands, the slick from both parties still covered all over it.

There is definitely more where that's coming from.

[withonly-sweetheart]

Not Quite Right

You're Leon's mystery, he's your mystery. He defends your honor without hesitation, but being around you has him questioning his own morals.

a/n: k personally i didnt deliver with this one i kinda sold but im some kinda block rn needed tk get smth done 🤨😔 (useless core) might rewrite later if ive got inspo

there IS a part two with both a happy and sad ending because i cant let sadness take over but i also just read "if he had been with me" and so yeah ill update this with the links when i post those

tw: angst?? age gap if you squint really hard and look between the lines but nun too serious (theres also suggestive content but wtv)

" if you couldnt tell

they said teamwork makes the dream work

hell i had some help "

wc: 1.8k

The saloon was always bathed in a hazy lemon glow, glaring back at Leon’s squinted eyes as the sawdust kicks up under his boot heels. He peels away from the rowdy crowd and nods to the barkeep for another whiskey. He never really was able to read the small, messy names of absurd drinks scrawled onto the curling paper.

Groaning in frustration, he slams it down, digging his nails into the yellowing parchment. Across the table, he catches your eye, specifically those of which narrow directly at him.

Leon admires your uniform; short, tight-fitted burnt hazel dress. It’s always been ugly to him, but you look… ravishing in it, though his eyes are cool as they flit your way.

And he realizes something else, snapping through his mind rapid-fire.

No one looks at him like that and gets away with it.

“Another round?” he calls out as you saunter past. You eye him sideways but say nothing, shifting your stance at the regulars’ raucous shouts. Not the slightest bit bothered, Leon presses, “Looks like you know your men.”

“Is that so?” you smile, knowingly. “Well, I know that folks say you’ve been ‘passing through’ a while.”

Leon chuckled. “And what do folks say about you?”

“That I know things.”

Intrigued, Leon leans forward. “And what do you know?”

You lean in as well, voice low and intimate. “I know a desperate man when I see one. What are you running from, cowboy?”

“What do you think?”

“That you’re a no-account drifter always poking your nose where it don’t belong.”

Leon chuckles, tilting his hat to adjust to the sudden shift in light. “Reckon I’ll be poking around a while longer then.”

You consider him a long moment. Strangely, Leon wishes he knew what you were thinking. “We’ll see, cowboy. We’ll see.”

Leon smiles. "And what do you suppose that means, miss?"

You chuckle drily. "I’m sure you know exactly what I mean, sir.” And with that vague answer, you turn away, step away, linger in front of him for a moment longer before sauntering away, leaving him with pink ears and flustered thoughts.

If it were anyone else, Leon would’ve been irked. But something about you is different. He doesn’t know why, in a town full of women who adore him, you’re the one to entrance him. He also doesn’t know why instead of pushing you further away, he wants to get closer, unravel your mind like tangled yarn.

So when he walks in the next week, he sits in his regular seat and raises his hand, already spotting you swaying to the music in the back. He knows you see his curled fingers first, before you zero in on his face and the corner of your mouth lifts.

"You seem to have me all figured out." Leon says as you walk past, one hand balancing the drinks on a tray. He tilts his head, studying you curiously. "You’ve done your homework, haven’t you, sweetheart?”

"I sure have,” you reply with a slow, lazy smile, leaning over the counter so only he can hear. “It might come as a shock, but I actually might be using my senses.” You lean away, completely unaware of the effect your husky voice has on him.

He blinks once, twice, before a broad grin spreads across his face. “Well…”

“I’ve got your regular?” you offer, twisting over your shoulder to check the drinks. “On the house?”

“That’s my girl,” he praises as you hand him the cool glass, somewhat back to normal. But your words linger in his mind for an indefinite amount of time. Everywhere, anywhere, whoever’s talking, he wishes it was you whispering weakly into his ear.

Especially when he comes in, as if on a schedule, the next week. His eyes are on you but his thoughts elsewhere, his senses stepping in, flashing warning signs and ringing sirens in his head.

He watches you walk past a group of men he usually sees at this particular bar, in that spot, assuming they’re regulars. What really messes with his temper is when one of them whistles appreciatively and all their eyes immediately switch from your face to a lower area.

“Pay them no mind,” you say dismissively, snapping him out of his trance. “This town has its share of fools.”

Leon pretends to glance you over before returning his stern gaze to them, recognizing one of the rowdy patrons. “Like him?”

The man catches his eye and scowls. “You got something to say, drifter?”

Leon turns back to you with a roguish smile. “Reckon it’s time I shut them fools up, what do you say?”

You sigh resignedly. “Just try not to get yourself killed.”

<><><>

You perk up at the sound you already recognize as his boots shuffling across the wooden planks. You glance back down at the drink in your hands, slightly warmer than usual because he returned so late.

When he excused himself a few hours ago, you assumed he had work to take care of. He always came back, anyways, so why bother yourself with the details when you knew that if he wanted you to know, he would’ve told you.

“Well, where have you been-” You immediately stop talking at his appearance. Blood drips down the side of his face, staining the stubble he’s been steadily growing, trickling down his neck. A bruise lines his jawline, maroon and vivid against his pale skin. He staggers over to you, slumping onto a stool, an awkward lean to the right the only sign of his pain.

“Is that mine?” he rasps, reaching for the drink.

“Kennedy!” you exclaim, gesturing to his state and yanking the glass away from his outstretched hands. “What did you get into?”

“Nothin’.” But you hear the sharp inhale he takes before continuing, “Now, did you get all this ready for me?”

“Mhm,” you mumble, gripping your glass tighter, slightly concerned.

“Use your words,” he chides. And now you aren’t concerned as much.

God, he makes you feel so stupid.

“Yes,” you grit out, struggling to be heard against the bustling crowd.

“How ‘bout this?” Leon hums, not waiting for your answer. “Drinks are on me.”

You can’t help but let a smirk tug at the corner of your lips. “Yeah? Anything I want?”

“For a pretty little thing like you, yeah,” he muses, fully turning to face you. You get a better look at his soft, baby blue eyes, fluffy, sandy hair, the way the ivory lights cast shadows across the planes of his face.

“How about not getting into fights?” you joke. He arches an eyebrow as you pass him napkins. He smears the blood across his chin, right under his lips. You can’t help but stare as he tosses his head back to swallow the drink, imagining the liquid burning his throat. “Did you actually fight that guy? You know I was just jokin’ right?”

Leon rasps something you don’t hear, eyes glazed over. “This… is different. What’d you put in it this time, sugar?”

“Just somethin’ special,” you respond vaguely. “Thought you’d like it.”

“Tastes like shit,” he comments, gingerly pushing the glass away. “What, you going around assuming everyone likes what you like?”

“Last guy did,” you mumble, slightly dejected that he didn’t take well to your concoction. To be fair, you did mess up the first guy’s order, mistaking his single for a double and decided it wouldn’t bother Leon if you got him a different drink, right?

“Last guy’s taste ain’t mine,” he says simply, humming in compliance. You wonder exactly what happened on the way here, why he shows up every week without fail. “Tastes stronger than usual.”

“Can’t handle your drinks?” you jab, the corner of your mouth lifting. It’s always amusing to you when you watch a guy stumble out of the bar, so affected by something you made. It sent a feeling of power rushing to your head, like you could potentially control everyone here.

Or more specifically, the one person you wanted wrapped around your finger.

Leon.

So what if you kept him coming back, glancing up at him every time he left, silently begging him to stay for one more drink? You grew up learning that if you wanted something, you had to work for it.

“I can handle anything,” he slurs, words connecting themselves to the sounds he makes, small purrs escaping his throat and going straight to your head. “It’s just… heavy…”

“Heavy?” You chuckle. “Right.”

“What’d you put in this?” he repeats.

“Just the scotch.” Leon immediately snaps up.

“You know I can’t-”

“Can’t what, Leon? Because you know what I sure can’t do?” His surprised and somewhat curious expression spurs you on. “I can’t sit here and pretend that there’s nothing between us, keep you coming back here every week and have you leave me on the other end of your string.”

You poke him square in his upper chest, digging your finger into the little dip between his collarbones. “And although all the other girls you take to bed can handle that, I sure can’t.”

“I’m… leaving you, sweetheart?” Leon chuckles dryly. “As far as I can tell, you’re the one walking away from me.”

“You walk in here and call me your pretty thing, then leave like it’s nothing!”

“My pretty thing?” The swinging lights dance across Leon's face as he turns, searching my gaze as if seeing new things.

“How much longer? This isn’t how you treat-” In the midst of your rambling, something switches in the air between you and Leon grabs the side of your face, leaning forward, eyes defiant yet demanding.

Quicker than the setting sun through hot summer dusks, he bends his head until your breath mingles, hot and sweet.

And when his lips meet yours, they taste sweeter than you expect, fuller than you see on the outside, like you’re tasting what you can’t see. At the touch of his other hand cupping your head, your doubts slip away.

He doesn’t need words to tell you what his pride had kept tied up tight before. You hear yourself make a sound of protest as he pulls away, suddenly, harshly, eyes shadowed by… regret?

“I… shouldn’t have… shit,” he seethes under his breath. Leon pushes back from the table, the legs of his stool grating against the wooden planks. His brows are knitted tight, like he’s wrestling some demon you can’t see.

You reach for him again but he flinches away, not meeting your imploring gaze. You realize it’s like looking at a stranger wearing Leon's face.

The thought wrenches your heart, so desperately, you plead, “Don’t go. Please. Stay. What do you need to say?”

“I… need to go,” he says, voice trembling. “This was wrong…”

"Don't do this," you beg, hating the tremor in your voice but powerless to still it. Weeks of yearning lead to one perfect moment, shattered before your eyes.

"I'm sorry." The words break on Leon's tongue like he doesn’t mean much to them. He backs towards the door, unraveling with every step while you watch, helpless.

Moonlight throws his anguished profile into sharp relief as you plead, "Stay. Tell me what's got your hackles up, cowboy."

But Leon only shakes his head, hands drawn tight. "You know this won’t work. Us… we can’t."

The words land like blows, stealing your breath. You stagger after him onto the porch, heart cracking down the middle at the distance in his eyes.

"You're running scared is all." Your own voice sounds small and far away. By the set of Leon's shoulders, you know this was a battle you've already lost. “You think you’re not the right one.”

“That’s it,” he says, eyes crinkling at the corner with his smile. “Atta girl.”

“Why?” you insist. “If the shit between us is mutual-”

“Because you’ve got your whole life in front of you, girl!” he says, exasperatedly. “I’ll just fuck everything up for you.”

“But-”

“No buts,” he cuts you off, voice final. But you can hear how it hurts him too. “I’m not heartless. I’ve got a conscience, and as much as it eats away at me, I won’t let it have this one too.” His dull eyes find yours. “I won’t let it have you, too.”

He pauses at the top of the stairs, silhouetted against the inky sky. When he turns, there’s no trace of warmth left in his smile. "Take care of yourself, sweet girl."

Then he’s gone, swallowed up by the dark. You sink onto the creaking steps, tasting tears and the agony of loss, the stars uncaring as they sparkle down at you.

[scullysflannel]

hiiii apologies if i'm sending you too many asks lol, don't feel pressured to reply right away or at all tbh, but there's this thing ive been turning over in my head about the x files that's like... so in many ways it has these conservative ideas kind of baked into the premise and format of the show. these fears of monsters and monstrous others that have to be investigated and neutralized by our heroes who are these beautiful professional looking white people. and then there's the looming fear of alien invasion that comes up in the myth episodes. so theres a lot that could and should and does feel reactionary and conservative about it. but theres also such a palpable love for the strange and unknown? the "i want to believe" poster represents this so beautifully. i think this love tends to be expressed visually rather than in words so it's kind of hard to concretely describe but i'm sure you know what i'm talking about. and then the show also relies on us the audience having an interest in the paranormal and unexplainable, not because we want to see it defeated, but for its own sake. so i guess i want to ask how you square those two ideas, that the x files has all these anxieties about weirdness but also loves and yearns for weirdness? as i said ive been kind of ruminating on this for a while and having trouble reconciling the two ideas so i'd love to hear your thoughts!

Ooh I kind of just want to give you a reading list. Have you read “In the Dark” by Brian Phillips?? It’s a Grantland essay written for the 20th anniversary in 2013. It’s my favorite piece of X-Files journalism (actually my favorite piece of entertainment journalism in general) — kind of an essential text to me. It gets into all of this. But for me I don’t feel like reconciling the tension is the goal, or that it’s even possible. The tension is the show.

Likely thing for me to say, but I think the structure of The X-Files as a procedural is a big part of how and why it moves between fear and love. Phillips describes Mulder and Scully as representatives of a doomed but still operational status quo, “figures of a weird reactionary beauty, struggling to understand and then prevent the profound transformation breaking out across their world.” I’d say that last part (prevention) is especially true of the mythology, with the monster-of-the-week episodes giving space to sometimes complicate that. 

The X-Files is traditional in its basic formula; it makes assumptions about who gets to be the hero and what kind of job they should have. There are some assumptions it doesn’t interrogate, like its default whiteness. But its critique of the government can be shockingly pointed, even if it holds itself back in later seasons by keeping Mulder and Scully in the Bureau well past the point where they should go rogue. (Not that I think the show actually could have done that.)

Does The X-Files love its boundaries or want to blow them up? Both. The appeal of a procedural is typically that it gives neat answers, so being a procedural that denies easy answers is the point, which is to say that both sides of the show are dependent on each other. The whole show is sort of an experiment in fitting some of the strangeness of Twin Peaks into a procedural. I think it’s meant to be a go-between, the same way Mulder and Scully are. 

Phillips also writes, “In this show about not knowing, the agents confronted two distinct sets of frightening unknowns. On one side was the shadow government represented by the Cigarette-Smoking Man. On the other was the evil that lurked beneath the surface of every American hamlet. Often, Mulder and Scully’s role was simply to act as interpreters between their own antagonists, rendering chaotic eruptions of small-town horror comprehensible to men in marble corridors in D.C.” I think The X-Files works like that too — interpreting between what’s regimented and what’s odd — and in that sense it has to yearn for the same things it’s afraid of. And really, I prefer the honesty of that to something more ideologically consistent. 

I always think about “Home” as an episode that sums up a lot of The X-Files’ attitude toward progress (more on this here): It isn’t immune to the romance of the myth of Mayberry, even as it’s aware that it’s a grotesque lie built on violence, and that people are committing perverse acts to hold on to it. The show allows for progress to be scary but insists that it’s not as scary as what people will do when they fear it. Weirdness on The X-Files isn’t perfectly analogous for righteous deviance only. I believe the show sees what is weird coming from all sides, past (like the Peacocks) and future, so what’s weird isn’t inherently good or meant to signify inherent goodness; it only can be good. 

One of my favorite things about The X-Files is the way it respects the integrity of doubt. (I’ve written about this! But hold off on reading if you don’t want any spoilers.) I don’t think the show could be about the bravery of questioning your beliefs without letting those old beliefs be a little bit comforting to Mulder and Scully, even the ones that turn out to be lies. There’s a great New Yorker essay by James Wolcott written in 1994, near the end of the first season. He writes that in The X-Files, the Cold War-era obsession with UFOs and alien invasion gives way to the more inward-looking fear of alien abduction: “The X-Files is the product of yuppie morbidity, a creeping sense of personal mortality.” Later on, the mythology incorporates shapeshifters and alien colonization plans, but it never commits. That’s never the emotional core of the show in the way abduction is. The core of the show is personal annihilation: the fear of death and losing loved ones, and the fear of tearing yourself apart to get to the truth.

But some of the most affecting episodes are the ones that love and yearn for the weirdness in spite of it all. Like you said, it’s always in the atmosphere and the visuals (the poster, or Mulder looking up at the stars), but I think the show puts words to it pretty often, too, like “I guess I see hope in such a possibility” in “Quagmire” and especially all of “Humbug”: “Imagine going through your whole life looking like that.” There’s so much affection for peculiarity in that episode. Still, I love that ultimately it’s just a fact: “Nature abhors normality.” It doesn’t actually matter whether you like what’s “freakish” or not; it’s just nature. I think all of The X-Files kind of evens out into a neutral judgment like that, which is nice and even kind of radical in its own way. What is weird doesn’t have to be beautiful and desirable; it just has to be seen and accepted.

[yelenasdiary]

ive got an angst request! reader grew up with yelena in the red room and they were inseperable, and ruthless assassin partners and have always been there for each other but after they graduated, yelena went on to become a subjugated widow while the reader was sold by dreykov to hydra to train with bucky to become a winter soldier, and she gets the super soldier serum. years pass and she escapes, becoming an avenger but she eventually goes on the run after the accords and meets back up with yelena and nat during black widow and helps them take down the red room. even more time passes and yelena and reader become girlfriends and even better partners than they were before but then she survives the blip while yelena is dusted and theres a bunch of angst as natasha tries to pull her basically sis in law out of a slump as they both grieve yelena together but when given the chance to bring everyone back, reader ends up being the one to take on thanos in the end and slight of hands the stones off of him and snaps to destroy him and his armies. it ends with nat comforting yelena as they sit at readers grave. ive got a fun idea for part 2 if your interested in reader somehow surviving the whole thing but still having faked her death.

It Was Always The Plan

It Was Always The Plan

Pairing: Yelena Belova x Fem! Super Solider! Reader

Summary: After losing your girlfriend to the blip, you struggled to cope. Natasha lends a helping hand while you plan to take down the superhuman who took her away from you. 

Angst | Some Fluff | Slight Language Warning | Grief | Character Death | Depression | 1.3K |

AC: Thank you for sending this & in great background detail!! It’s unknown (well to me anyways) if Alexei and Melina survived the blip so I’ve added a little extra detail, I hope you enjoy this x As for a part 2, I’m not sure if we’ll do one but we’ll see.

Year 1 - 

Natasha placed a mug of hot coco in front of you before she took a seat across from you. It's been a struggle, but she finally managed to get you out of bed, even if it was just to sit at the table and have a hot drink with her. A few months ago, you lost your girlfriend, Yelena, to the blip. At first you didn't think she was turned into tiny pieces of dust, given that she was on a mission at the time, and you just assumed she would contact you when she was safe. But when Natasha tracked down Yelena's last whereabouts, it became clear that the blonde was gone, just like half the population. 

Since Natasha told you what you feared, things have been dark and cold. Life just didn't seem enjoyable. You missed Yelena, deeply. But under the grief, you were angry and wanted nothing more than to destroy the one person who took the best part of you away, Thanos. 

"Is there any plans yet?" you looked up at Natasha, a question you'd ask her once a week and every answer was the same, "No" she replied softly with a light shake of her head. Every no that left her lips made your heart break once more. You tried to be mindful that Natasha was also hurting, losing her sister isn't easy but it was clear that Natasha was dealing with the grief in her own way. 

Every day she'd come by your room and check in on you, encourage you to come to team meetings, go for a walk or just simply come join her downstairs for a hot drink as you are right now. There were times where you allowed yourself to break down into tears while Natasha comforted you, something next to nobody has ever seen from you besides Yelena. 

Year 2 – 

As time went on, things didn't exactly get easier, but you learnt to cope with it in different ways. Natasha was the one who really pulled you out of the darkness of your room and continued to keep an eye on you which in many ways helped you both grow closer in more of a sister-in-law way and you almost felt like Yelena was still here. 

You trained daily in the gym, attended team meetings, went on small missions when needed but in your own free time was when you found yourself trying to find ways to reverse Thanos's  snap. Whenever you came up with something that you thought might be useful it always led to a dead end, and you were back to square one. 

You also continued the work Yelena was doing with Melina before the blip, saving other widows. With the blip, it made it harder to track down some widows as they were also blipped but those who you and Melina could save brought some comfort and you only hoped that when (and if) Yelena would come home, she'd be glad that others were saved during this hard time. 

Year 3 – 

By now, dealing with loosing Yelena and the others was leaving the emptiness within your heart even deeper and for most, life when on. Mission came and went, Widows were still being saved from Dreykov's control even though he was dead, and the world moved on, like human nature. 

Each night you found yourself seeing Yelena in your dreams or remembering good times you had with her. Memories from Red Room to meeting up with her again after years, you could still feel the way she kissed you before she left for a mission and the way you loved having her fall asleep in your arms. She made you feel like the world was in your hands, just the two of you in this world that almost made no sense to either of you. 

You missed the way Yelena would tease you for almost everything, only for you to tease her back. You missed everything about her that eventually you'd fall asleep with tears rolling down your cheeks just wishing she'd walk through that door and apologise for being away for so long. You thought about how she'd tell you that her mission when wrong and she was taken and finally was able to escape or that she was out at sea and couldn't contact you. 

But every scenario you played out in your head made you feel stupid for thinking that Yelena would let you and her family go this long without hearing from her.

Year 4 – 

"You hit training pretty hard today, are you okay?" Natasha asked as you entered the compounds kitchen drenched in sweat. You nodded and smiled softly, "just making sure I'm ready" you replied before grabbing a cold bottle of water. 

"Ready for what?" Natasha questioned. 

"You know, for when we finally find Thanos and bring them home" you explained with confidence which only grew to Natasha's endless worries on you. Each day you showed that you were okay with how things were, that you were finding a way to cope but just like everybody around you, nobody was okay, not truly. 

Everybody was doing something to try and fix things.

----

When you saw Scott rushing to Natasha's office you felt something that felt like it was slipping away, hope. The look on Natasha's face when she came to see you hours later only confirmed what you and everybody else had been hoping for.

"We have a plan" Natasha looked at you with a soft smile, a sparkle of hope in her eyes made you smile, "let's bring her home" you replied. 

The only thing on your mind when it came to fighting the superhuman who took away your true happiness and the rest of your loved ones, was them. Nothing else mattered to you but making sure Thanos would pay and you were determined to make sure he knew that he messed with the wrong team of Avengers. 

You'd been training yourself up for this, taking the gauntlet from the purple enemy knowing exactly what you were going to do next. 

"Time's up big boy" you smirked as Thanos turned around an faced you, his gauntlet on your hand boiled his blood. "You don't understand!" he spat. "No, you don't understand! You took the one person I love more than anything from me! You took my friends and family! There's no forgiveness for that in my books!" You looked him directly into his eyes, raising your hand up slightly. 

"Y/N! NO!" Natasha yelled as she ran towards you, "that wasn't the plan!" she added as you looked to her. 

"This was always the plan, Nat" you smiled softly. "I know you'll take care of her" you added before your eyes looked back at Thanos and snapped your fingers together without a second thought other than knowing Yelena and the others would finally be coming home. 

----

Every single day since Natasha brought her to your grave, Yelena would visit you. She'd bring some of your favorite snacks and just sit with you until she felt okay again. Natasha was never too far, always ready to be a shoulder for her sister to cry on.

"You idiot" Yelena shook her head as she placed a kiss on your gravestone, "you were supposed to be here, waiting. Not like this" she added. 

Most interactions started off like this, first Yelena would show anger and hurt but soon it would change to how much she misses you and talking to you about the things she wants to do to keep your memory alive, letting you know that she'll never let anybody forget who saved the world. Then Natasha would come sit with her before the two of them shared their favorite memories with you. 

It would take some time for Yelena to adjust, like you did. But she knew she had everybody she needed around her, even you and Natasha would be the one to make sure that Yelena would never forget about you, not that she ever would.

Taglist: @red1culous | @bentleywolf29 | @jeyramarie | @lissaaaa145 | @high--power | @parkerdaramitzzzz | @mmmmokdok | @wackymcstupid | @kiwiana145 | @valiantmugcowboyscissors | @observeowl  | @nattyolw | @ripofflizzie | @get-the-fuck-outta-here | @goofy-goonie | @makegoodchoices | @apollo2907 | @marvelfan98 | @wandaroman0ff | @dumb-fawkin-bitch | @lovelyy-moonlight | @santana1437 | @fluffyblanketgecko | @puta1 | @inluvwithfictionalwomen | @tintedrose12 | @jaymieflorissssssss | @tita001 | @youralphawolf72 | @crescent-witch | @randomnessbecausewhynot | @natashamaximoff69 | @a-dorkier-book-keeper | @hehehehannahthings | @secrettoallofyou | @romantic-slaps-on-the-asss | @marvel-fan-2021 | @mmmmokdok |  @riveramorylunar | @ripofflizzie | @toldthatdevil | @itsmv3 | @katiemay-025 | @maria-403 | @boredandneedfanfics | @wandamaximoffspuppup | @xox-little-troublemaker-xox | 

[simplygyuu]

Nouvelle Crown : 23 - Under the Streetlights

synopsis : choi beomgyu, the second prince of the royal choi family doesnt have much of a life outside of his duties. even then hes not allowed to do much, his brother is the crown prince after all. but when he meets you, a regular commoner girl, through his brothers friend soobin he cant help but be intrigued. commoner life is so different from what he knows and you are the only person to treat him like the normal teenager he always longed to be. with you he gets to experience the normal, teenager life behind the backs of his overbearing family.

the two of you sat quietly at the bus stop where you had truly hung out for the first time, happily chatting. beomgyu wasnt supposed to be out, but he didnt care. he needed to see you. plus, he knew yeonjun had his back now.

the crickets chirped and the only light was from the yellow streetlights. there were no people walking around, not this late at night at least. you were completely alone.

"y/n?" you hear beomgyu say and turn to face him when hes already looking at you. theres a small smile on his face, one you can't really decipher. its not his usually shy smile nor is it his mischievous wide one. its too dark to see any of the red color on his face but youre assuming its there. hes been blushing the whole night after all. you softly hum in response, head tilting a bit.

"thank you so much for.. everything." he suddenly begins, turning to almost fully face you. "i..i never knew what it was like to live before i met you. everyday i looked forward to texting you or finding a way to hang out, you fill my mind 24/7," he then nervously chuckles and there, you see his shy smile as he glances away. "i just love you so much... i hope you dont think this is too soon its just, ive never felt like this before. ever. and i want to tell you as often as i can that i love you and you changed my life for the better."

beomgyu almost glows in the dim light, his hair lightly blowing in the wind. you can imagine the blush on his cheeks and you can see the way he slightly gnaws on his bottom lip. his eyes flicker around, landing on you then the grass then his hands and then the cycle repeats. god, you really like him dont you?

without responding to him you tap his cheek to get his eyes on you again. his cheek is warm to the touch as he turns to you and thats when you lean in a bit. its a slow thing as you give him the chance to move, the chance to back away, yet he does the complete opposite. despite his lack of experience he closes the gap between your lips.

the kiss is slow and gentle, just full of love. so, so much love. its not rushed or messy, its not needy or careless. no its romantic, loving, and just so beautiful. beomgyus hand hovers over your waist for a second before he finally places his hand down on your waist and pulls you the slightest bit closer, melting like putty into the kiss. it lasts for a few long seconds but easily feels like an eternity. you could kiss beomgyu for hours if you had the chance to.

you end up breaking the kiss and beomgyu leans his forehead against yours and smiles, eyes crinkling happily. you cant help but giggle softly and he quickly follows suit with a round of chuckles. you lean forward to give him one little peck on the cheek, your mouth hurting from how much you've smiled tonight.

"i love you too, beomgyu. i love you so much"

--------------------------------------------------------------

previous masterlist next

notes : IM SEEING TXT TODAY!!! im so excited and rlly wanted to get this out... AAA IM SO HAPPY IVE BEEN WAITING FOR YEARS TO SEE THEM IN CONCERT!!! anyways IM HOLDING MY PROMISE OF TRYING HARDER TO UPDATE! school ends at the end of next week, so ill only have work and this to do :)

reblogs and replies are really really appreciated and keep me motivated!!

taglist (open) : @mazeinthemoon @pokyloky @run2seob @bluebearybeom @wonioml @rikismiel @yumilovesloona @captivq @soobin-chois @thisisnotjacinta @silvsie @sullystraw @luvsoobs @ddeonudepressions @woncheecks @ioszzn @dudufodd @jaeminanklelicker @strawbrinkofdeath @softcabur @luvsooby @ilovewonyo @kaewonie @sugar5 @itzxvaxella @il0vebeomgyu @angelbythewindow @gyuville @myknifeyourlife @sandhyaaa-aa @beomiebears @vocaloshin @streeete

send me an ask or message to be added to the taglist! i dont add from replies :)

[ottiliere]

hello! ur posts on the vagus nerve and its connections to digestions have encouraged me to do a lil mini dissertation thingy kinda focused on it/around it, ur big thread on PVT and everything really piqued my interest when i read it and i just held onto it for like a year or smthing until like last week when i started the project. Ik u said recently in one of ur posts i believe that ur not going to post the big dirk PVT post and im not here to be like yo post it because i also think u said that ur kinda moving away from like hs/dirky stuff rn ?? (im forgetting if i saw that sorry) but yeah i just wanted to say thank u etc etc, like ive never done an ask before so sorry if this is phrased weirdly but ur blog is just like one of those blogs that fundamentally changed how i view certain things in life for the better lol, like whether its ur beautiful representations / depictions of mental health in like just beautifully painted art (seriously the way u make it look like idk how to word it cartoony/really 2d but then it stands out against the background + if u zoom in and see the tiny pixel details == it makes me mad) or just like the huggeee long form posts that i like to chew on and save cuz theres so many details that AFFAAT like the way you talk abt the topics u portray has made me concious of how i would want to do so in the same way ig u get me. anyway this got really long and idk if i come across coherently, but ur just a random person on the internet whos art and written thoughts that u decide to share makes me happy when i see it == makes me pace around my room and distract me from this fat essay lmao so tldr: i really appreciate what u do + i hope like that ur doing well and that u keep arting and thoughting no matter what it is that u choose to focus on

(uve made me comitted to reading jthm, playing psychonauts and giving jjba w/ dio another go lmao) 🫶🫶

Hello! I’m sorry this reply is coming so late, this ask in particular is very sweet and has stuck out to me.

I’m really happy to have introduced you to PVT, this is something I’ve heard from a few different people on here and it’s very sweet… I did my thesis on it in college and the time really flew by while working on it, things you don't think could possibly attributed to "nerve issues" being nerve issues is always an eye-opener, isn't it? being able to research things that interest you & access information in general really is a privilege in this day and age.

“The topics [I] portray” are very important to me, so it’s heartening when others take interest in spite of the obvious deterrents. A lot of what I love making art about is unpalatable to most, and while I do understand the reasons for that on principle, it can make things feel a little insular. I genuinely believe there’s a lot of value in depicting tableaus of misery.

The last year has brought a lot of very unforeseen changes, and my life is quite different from when I initially made this blog to post about him! That’s also part of why I’ve been so sparse here…though I’m working to change that quite soon. I love sharing my work, and I’ve had the privilege of meeting some truly wonderful people through this website. That said…with where I’m at now, I’m not sure I’ll be posting the Dirk essay anytime soon, I’m afraid.

I’ve undertaken a few ongoing projects, one of which in particular is an original project I plan on sharing publicly here hopefully within the next month or so. I hope it’s something you & anyone else who’s stuck around with me here will enjoy, but failing that, I’ve really enjoyed working on it thus far.

Thank you for the sweet ask, take care, and good luck with your project!

[suckishima]

okay so i know i posted a few weeks ago that i did get to see the haikyuu movie when i was in japan last month and ive been so busy i didnt fully have time to process lol so ive been writing down thoughts as i remember them so, spoilers under the cut (no particular order)

final rally pov shot was craaaaazyyy (sidenote i saw challengers today lmao and they did a similar pov shot thing a couple times and it reminded me how sick it was to see such a complicated thing be animated)

in addition to that tho, while i liked the drop of the music then to just have it be kenmas breathing, i felt lie his breathing seemed a little repetitive?? like it was possibly just the same couple voice recordings repeated???

and also tbh.. i kinda didnt love how after the super amazing pov animation the way they chose to animate the full court flashback to tokyo training camp was just like a flat pan around the room. it just didnt feel all that dynamic after seeing something so cool, and maybe it was just my screening but the image was kinda blurry and not that crisp at that part

in general tho i thought the sound design was really cool, so much of it just straight up felt like a live match happening, and the part when kenma tells hinata to stay interesting and the sound cuts out?? ooo v effective i thought

and then the birdcaaaage aaaah i loved the way the wings like got all stifled in the cage when kenma first trapped him and then ofc the bursting out of it oooo im excited to see it again in imax

there were a tonnnn of small moments that i assumed wouldnt make the cut that actually did too, yaku sitting on lev's back when he's doing pushups, the bokuto/kuroo hair swap flashback lmaooo, goshiki having to share his ipad with tendou (i cant remember for sure now if he actually says that or not but theyre definitely in the movie), bokuto and akaashi coming over and talking to yachi and ah i think theres more. a lot of them were shortened down a bit, but i appreciated them getting attention nonetheless. sadly no kuroo/lev poop conversation though lmaoo

i thought the kuroo/kenma flashbacks were pretty good as well, i think they possibly added a few lines?? it seemed like there were more frames of stuff of kuroo being inspired by the "lowering the net" concept which was really cool bc thats really integral to his character to me. and then theres this line where kenma is like "hinata has kageyama and i have kuroo" and uhhhh that is news to me!! im like 90% thats new content lmao, and oooo it was good, the shots they chose with it too gooood

oh for some reason they changed how kenma flops??? he falls with his butt up in the air instead of just flat??? like why lmao, obviously that was like an Actual Choice they made bc they had to draw it and obviously had the manga as reference and it makes no difference other than to confuse me lolll

im interested to see it again distributed by crunchyroll too bc im sure some of the subs i saw werent right, a few lines just didnt make sense and there were a few instances of like "lead blocking"

and okay. i gotta talk about the chapter 298 stuff

its there its in the movie!! but,, it's watered down lmao

and i think i was also too in my head and overanalyzing it which im disappointed in myself for so im hoping on rewatch ill have a better time

the "hes always been one step ahead of me after all" was like as perfect as it could get tbh, it looks just like the manga and tsukki like says it just right and yamaguchi comes onto the court behind him totally focused and aaah really loved it. then the service ace and tsukkis little laugh it really good

but then i'm torn on the actual serve and block, there's no inner thoughts on yamaguchis "oh no the ball isnt drifting enough" and then tsukkis silent reply "no that was plenty" before stuffing it, so we arent hearing their like mind reading/intuition connection there which was a bummer. and thennnn im not positive on this bit but i dont think anyone repeats anything about the serve and block being the perfect play?? (its yamaguchi echoing ukai in the manga) and then no little flashbacks to how theyve been training

HOWEVER the big main flashbacks of seeing how yamaguchi walks from behind tsukki to in front of him are there!!! and the way theyre presented is interesting? i was like taken aback by the decision to have the clips being showed within their silhouettes as they move toward each other (i couldnt even tell thats what it was at first tbh..) that i missed whether or not all the panels were in it..... (majorly disappointed in myself for that one). idk visually i found it a little confusing i guess and so i couldnt fully appreciate and im hoping itll look cool on rewatch when i understand whats happening

and then the high five ahhh it was pretty good, idk if anything will ever live up to that manga panel for me, the joy and success and sense of achievement in that image means so much to me lol, but its animated fairly well. do wish they didnt cover tsukkis smile tho

then kuroo asks how tsukki feels about volleyball and he says its fun and he smiles and its.. fine. like ugh its just one of those things were this entiiiire section just slightly suffered from being a two minute segment of a movie instead of a whole episode (or even just half an episode tbh), like something about his smile and saying it was fun just fell a little flat for me and i was unfortunately a little sad about it, i was hoping for a little more buildup and like emphasis. this is a huuuuge culminating moment for him and it didnt quite feel like it to me bc the movie had to have other priorities where a season wouldnt have

later one when tsukki and kuroo are like battling at the net exhausted tho and tsukki smiles again that was pretty good, the animated is really top notch when theyre all panting n stuff, and the voice acting there was great, really liked it

[thefluxqueen]

HIIII :) here to ask about the abyss tell me about it please please please love this sort of thing :3

HAIIII welcome :) to preface this im normal i swear. anyway The Abyss is what i like ta call my Horrible Horrible Maze, i made it w/ the goal of making the worst possible experience in minecraft to torment my friends ^_^

I enjoy putting people in situations and studying them :D 

On that note! everyone who runs the abyss (24 people at current count) I time and write a couple notes on them! the abyss is honestly half maze half personality test LMAO. at current moment the quickest time goes to @ghostpajamas with a baffling 03:24 (wild that he got out so quick, i win tho cause i haunt his dreams), and longest goes to the beloved @rendogdomesticated with 1:35:54 <3 special shout out ta my dearest @theoctagon tho wolff ur insane i love u. guy goes inta the abyss for fun and has like 10 pages and counting of insane person phsyical notes tryna map it out (hes reported that hes gone through the first one 60 times and the 2nd one 5 jesus chriiiistttt). the abyss is fond of Pilot :) also if wolff is the favourite than @potionofinstantdamage is the Least favourite, rude ass set the place on fire when he got stuck in there :( oof ouchie

Highlights from my notes include @quack-city running backwards and upon me asking Why, simply replied “what if there’s slenderman :(‘ ... cant argue w/ that! he also hadda stop mid run so we decided its funnier if he’s just stuck in there forever. @newtbeetle was in there for like an hour and would NOT shut up about Paul Dano the whole time which was a time (love u beebs. ur isnane). my two test runners are @kishdoodles and @officialgleamstar and they had about the same time but like Opposite reactions it was very funny, kish treated it like they were a streamer n kept a like constant chatter, and travvy was like DEAD silent the whole time n Intensely focused akjewkjr tbh outta all 24 runners trav’s been prob the most like, methotical bout it? LIKE I SAID personality test. i Love studying people. 

In regards to its origins I came up w/ the idea back in like feb/march ish of this year and from start to finish it took me like 2 weeks ish i was on the Grind. u dont understnad how much black concrete this thing took. hell on earth,,, darkwoods has an economy/shopping district and i bought out like All the sand/gravel available akjwekjr the rest i hadda gather myself n God gravel sucks. also ive killed So Many Squids. the 2nd abyss was much easier ta gather supplies for cause i could ask for help w/ supplies n i kept the first one a Complete secret minus my test runners (i hadda bitch at SOMEONE while makin it or i wouldve died i think. speakin of the first abyss has a death count of 13 and the 2nd one has like, 5 or somefin? rlly shouldve writen that down akjwerjk those are Entirely me dying in the process of buildin them btw. its not a true Spain Build unless its mildly dangerous <3) The 2nd one also made me learn redstone, notably i specifically studied Tango’s decked out process vids from s7, tho i really only stole like two aspects of it n i couldnt even get one ta work properly LMAO

The second abyss took me like, wayy longer ta make, bout two months ish (i finished it like mid july). not necessarily in actual like, time spent building but cause in the process of makin it i had Two month long events i was in (Voiceteam in may and Art fight in july) so that distracted me a bit wkwnekeneie Im a bit more secretive bout the second abyss in general since not That many people have actually ran it compared ta the first n theres actually like, Things that can be spoiled in there <3 i like seein peep’s initial reactions its much more satisfying.

This didnt happen w/ everyone but i think a like, Core part of running the abyss is getting emotionally attached ta weird things. i wouldve said just torches until a few days ago when Tac (onea the rat server mods) ran it and claimed the stack of pumpkin pies i gave her as family. But Prior Ta That several people have had very intense emotions bout the redstone torches, whether love or hate or both, key example ft dog: 

Also not everyone ive mentioned on this post is in darkwoods! ive got a server i world editted the abyss inta so non-server members can run it for fun and profit (more data for me) :) on that note ive been slowly infecting the rat gang server cause my friend’s in there alot n another friend of mine’s a mod so peeps in there’ve been runnin it lately :) shout out ta TalonMC for lettin me subject him ta the Horrors literally our first conversation, onea my more fun first impressions i’d say

In regards to lore the abyss is a parasitic entity that infects anyone who gets stuck in there n slowly compells them ta go build their own lmao. note that ive only called the second abyss the Second one and not Abyss 2, because its technically just The Abyss as well cause theres many of them i just made it second wowjdkenejd (a real example of this is Wolff gettin obsessed w/ the abyss n then goin n buildin his own build called the Tower :) very excited bout that) The Abyss has a weird like fucked up warlock bond w/ my goddess oc The Overseer :D Her design’s vaugely based off my irl friend @hotcollectionoftubs cause her creation The Hole on a creative world her n some other friends of mine are on was onea the main insperations for certain aspects of the abyss’ lore :D mainly the teal in the colour palette and the whole ‘the [hole/abyss] provides’ thing. 

(my reference images for her and 3rd pic's art i commissioned from the Lovely @opuntie):

my darkwoods chara, Snake, is a whole nother bag entirely (basic gist is they’re a dimension traveler not by choice and darkwoods is the 3rd world theyve been in, their deal’s worth a whole post of its own lmao) i built the first abyss entirely unrelated ta my chara just as like, fun weird build ta torment my friends w/o yaknow? but then as i was buildin the 2nd one i was like hmmmmmm. alotta things could make sense if i made this one built by Snake. so their retirement arc on darkwoods turned inta even MORE trauma! wahoo! poor guy deserves a break,,, (he will not be getting one). 

(pre abyss + post abyss. i gotta properly draw pre-darkwoods Snake at some point but this dudes changed Alot ill say that lmao. both crops from bigger pieces on my art blog @fluxydrawings)

Anyway thats basically it! ive got more details and things locked in my brain ill probably remember in like 2 days after postin this so theres a chance ill reblog this w/ extra shit later lmao, sides that tho the abyss is my babygirl n thank yall for showin interest ^_^

Memes n shit to end us off:

[mschimdt]

Dejavu

ch. 1

mansk X reader

word count: 1.83k

IM GOING TO BE WRITING ABOUT QUARITCH SOON

I HAVWNT FOUND TOO MANY FANFICS ABOUT MANSK AND IK SOME OF YALL ARE SUFFERING SO I CAME TO THE RESQUE

WARNINGS:

nome for this chapter :))

you and mansk have been working together simce the first day in your navi body, although u werent close youd always be assigned together by the colonel. mansk was a very quiet man, he never really spoke unless he needed to, he isnt shy quiet hes just focused quiet. hes always very secretive, no one really knows much about him other than his close friends. evenn though hes quiet he speaks wisely and thinks before he speaks, unlike lyle that doesnt process a word before it splats out of his mouth. you could say me and mansk were friends. but not friends like FRIENDS were like working partner type of friends and we never really spoke outside of missions and work.

youd always notice mansk staring at u in the lunch hall, you honestly kind of have something for mansk, he makes me feel weirdly comfortable, just his presence is enough to make your day a good one.

Quaritch calls u and a few other members who included mansk."listen soldiers, i think i have an idea of where jake sully might be"

lyle stared at quaritch "how so colonel?"

quaritch makes eye contact with lyle and replies to lyles question "ive got a signal hes somewhere nearby, in the area we suspected him to be in a few weeks ago which means hea probably around here somewhere, we have a mission to complete, get ready and hop onto the helicopter, ill be there waiting"

you stare at quaritch and quickly run to your room which luckily isnt too far away from the meeting room, you wnter ur room and put on some armour. you didnt change your shorts though because youd be pretty useless for this mission and youll probably be askes to stand around somewhere, u didnt change because u doubted getting hurt when ur not allowed to do anything. you clipped ur chest armour on and quickly tied ur hair into two braids.

you quickly sprinted to the veichles room which had some of the helicopters and found that everyone has already arrived, you questioned how they did it but theres no time to spare, so u hopped on and strapped yourself to a seat while your tail went back and forth because of the excitement u were experiencing, the excitement of capturing jake sully and being over wirh quaritchs dumb hide and seek game with sully.

the helicopter has been in the air for 20 minutes now, no one has spoken the entire ride and it was all silent other than the helicopter noises, quaritch broke the silence, he had to scream so you and thw others would hear him ontop of the helicopter noise "ALRIGHT, Z DOG, LYLE, ME N' JA, WERE GONNA LOOK FOR SULLY. MANSK AND Y/N STAY BEHIND AND GUARD THE HELICOPTER" mansk stared at quaritch, you didnt know if he was staring at him because of his shades but u think hes looking at quaritch, mansk lets out an amnoyed sigh, you couldnt quite hear it but u could tell it was an annoyed one.

the helicopter was finally starting to land, you were going deaf from the loud helicppter noises even with the headphone things you were given to cancel out the noise, the helicopter hit the ground with a large thud and the engines were starting to slow down, everyonr was unbuckling theit seat belts and you did the same unbuckling your own.

your the last one to leave the helicopter after mansk, you were all outside now and quaritcg repeated "Y/N and mansk stay with the helicopter and gaurd it incase some navi bitch tries to destroy it, me and the rest are gonna go looking for sully because hes around here somewhere" he said with a blank expression

you and mansk have been standing next to the helicopter for around 40 minutes and it was getting really boring you havent exchanged a word with the man next to you and your both just staring into no where

suddenly you hear a noise in the trees around u. you and mansk both jolt up holding your guns towards where the sound was coming from, after a few minutes you put your guns down thinking it was just a gust of wind

you look to your right and there was a pandorian creature sprinting at u, it had claws, claws that looked like they could decapitate an entire human head, it was speeding at you. you let put a little "uhmmm" and mansk looks your way looking at the creature speeding towards u holding up his gun. it was already too late, the creature attacked your legs with its huge claws before mansk shot him. he was teying to scratch your chest but thankfully you were wearing the armour you put on earlier. you stared at your leg, then at the dead monster, then at mansk. mansk was already rushing towards you, you stared back at your now red legs from blood. mansk leans down to where you are on the floor "are yoy okay? that looks bad" in a shaky scared voice, you reply to his question on the verdge of crying from pain "u-uhm, yeah im fine but my leg clwarly isnt" theres tears building up in your eyes now. mansk leans down to look at the huge cut caused by the monsted on ur leg.

"i should fetch the first aid kit till quaritch and the rest get back because we cant leave them here" says mansk, he hops into the helicopter and grabs the first aid kit, he leaves the helicopter again sitting on the floor next to you, he lifts ur legs onto his thighs.

he gets some iodine to clean ur wound incase it gets infected, he puta it on a little cotton pad and rubs it all over youe wound. it kind of stung but u werent gonna complain because he was trying to help you after all

he finally wraps. ur bleeding legs in white medical wrap to try and stop the bleeding. the white wraps quickly turnes into red ones from thr amount of blood yoy were losing, it was a very deep cut and you were worried it might get infected.

"thanks for helping me i really appreciate it" you said with a smile plastered across your tear stained face "we shoukd probably call the others youre bleedimg too much and jake isnt really worth letting you die, we can get him later"

he holds up his walkie talkie typa thing and says sometjing into it, your too light headed to focus of anything he says. suddenly, everything went dark

you wake up after passing out, you arent on the ground anymore, your back in the helicopter with someone holding you in their lap, you slowly open your eyes to look at whoever was holding u. you were shocked to see it was mansk, mansk always seemed like a tough guy that wouldnt help anyone if it didnt benifit him, he stared down at you and smiled

you closed your eyes hoping youd wake up from your 'dream' just to find that ur still in mansks arms wrapped tightly, the helicopted landes and you could omly tell it did because of the large thud it made, quaritch had already called the medics to wait till you arrived to prevent further bloodloss

you were wuickly rushed into the small hospital, the mediics quickly unwrapped your leg and cleaned it while another one of the human medics was getting a huge needle ready to stitvh your leg before you lost too much blood' you looked to you right and saw mansk sitting on a chair next to the bed you were layed on, they stitched up your legs which was a very painful and long process, another nurse came into the rook you were in with a blood bag of your blood type. mansk stares at you, he keeps staring for a few minutes

"sorry about not killing that monster earlier, we should have looked around a bit better, im glad your okay though"

"thanks mansk, its not your fault, we killed the monster in the end though so its okay"

mansk smiled at you, he got up from his chair and walked over to you pulling you into a long warm hug, you quite enjoyes the hug he gave you, it was out of no where though youve never seen mansk hug anyone or look at anyone in the way hes always looked at you, it made u feel a bit special because you knew it wasnt a bad type of stare

after that day you and mansk bece closer, youd always hangout. work out together, eat together, and he quickly told you more about himself, you were quite surprised he actually did it because hes never told anyone that you know any of this type of stuff about him.

it was raining outside and you were sitting next to mansk on a sofa, you were both laughing at something on your tablets (phones but theyre big so they could fit navi hands) suddenly mansk put his arm around your shoulder pulling you a bit closer to him than you expected, you stopped laughing and  blushed a bit and mansk noticed it, he started rubbing your shoulder so he could see if he could make u blush any further, you stayed like this for a few minutes until mansk finally decided to speak "your enjoying than hm?"

you throw ur head down and look down onto your lap, you didnt want to show him how much you were blushing, thsn suddenly a warm hand grabs ur chin and turns it up and to the side, you try to fight back but yis grip is too strong, you find yourself staring at mansk, your faces were too close, he was repeatedly stearing at ur eyes, then your lips, your eyes, then your lips. he did this a few times until you spoke up "what are you doing?" mansk leans closer to your face waiting for premission to press your lips against his, you closed your eyes and he took it as a sign he could kiss yoy now.

he leans in and your lips touch, this was your first ever kiss, it felt bettee than what you expected it to feel like, you never thought mansk felt this way

he pulls back and hesitates for a second, then he says "i love you" staring at you with a soft facial feature, you then grab his shades and pull them off his face, youve only seen his eyes twice before this

he had the most gorgeous yelliw eyes, he looked sinilar to quaritcy but his facial features are so much softer than quaritch's.

you realize youve been staring at him for about a minute now, you hug him tightly and he hugs back, his body language telling you hes happy you gave him a positive response.

he pulls away from the hug first, "ive been meaning to tell you tjis for a while now, Y/N ive liked you for so long" i reply to his words "me too.."

[its-koili]

hey guys. sorry for being gone for so long. heres an update

(tw for: mention of violence / gore, general distress, mental health issues)

(tw below)

.

basically i had a huge mental health crisis. i was having 24/7 constant rolling panic attacks from may of 2023 to january of this year. my last big meltdown was in early february. been processing a lot of CSA trauma and some recent trauma that ive gone through. i think i talked about my panic attacks before leaving social media but idk i dont remember. isolated myself from absolutely everybody.

the main thing that made me leave was that while i was keeping up to date on the g3n0c1d3 (censoring bc idk how tumblr is about it), and when i was looking in the replies / related of the awareness videos, i came across 4 accounts dedicated to using gore for clicks / shock. not videos of the g3n0c1d3 (thank god bc of how they were using the vids) but of unfortunate every day situations and cam footage. like, the kind of stuff you could see on liveleak back in 2010. just out in the open on twitter. they all had usernames like "(insert number here) ways to die)". they were all content farms for click/ad revenue. it was too much it was a huge trigger and i had a full on meltdown. the bluecheck ppl on twitter were using the replies of the videos people uploaded for raising awareness to upload mindless g0re for money. the fact that peoople have 0 compassion for human life sent me into a spiral that i couldnt get out of. (i reported 3 out of the 4 accounts i was able to and 3 got taken down but 1 is still up and it odesnt seem to be uploading the hardcore g0r3 anymore. so thats good. but that was one of the reasons i left social media. ive been keeping up to date w the news but thats it. i left my socials entirely and ive only been on my phone to look up recipes or to use my computer for media research groceries and gaming and shows

that was the main thing that pushed me to leave. i just couldnt take it anymore. during the start of my crisis last year, i was planning on taking a small break, but all of that pushed me over the edge and i dropped everything. after that, my issues got worse and i dont remember most of it. thankfully. but i couldnt bring myself to talk to anybody. i isolated myself and just. laid in bed. but im doing better so i guess thats good

on another topic ive beeen nervous to post this on main but during all of this (ive talked abt tihs a little bit on my priv before i left) i found out that im a system a long while back. my dad (one of my abusers) had/has DID and it terrified me to think that i could be anything like him. i also knew cereal abuser who pretended to be a system to get away with stuff/abusing their friends (and then years later admitted that they werent a system and siad that systems are fake.) LOTS of tears. lots of crying over this. was in denial for a few weeks. cried some more. then eventually came to terms with it.

i dont want to post abt my system online too much bc i dont want to act like this is some fun trendy thing bc its not. it makes day to day living very hard (some lighter/funnier issues that make it hard are: arguing with an alter bc YOU dont know where THEY put YOUR MEDS, not being able to cook because one alter can and the other cant, your art style not being consistent because their styles are different). i dont want to really make it a massive part of my identity online bc its not a big deal! theres just Multiple Little Guys in my brain. so. im a system! im the same but....this explains why i dont remember talking to certain people SUIDHUFHX. i always felt bad. makes conversing with online friends hard especially if icons/usernames are changed. ill make a separate post about this someday thatll go into detail a bit more.

i went years thinking it was just "kinning" but it wasnt lol. it turns out that your personality completely shifting, tastes in food / music / art / media changing, the way you walk / talk dress changing, and having complete memory blackouts when you """"kin shift"""" isn't normal. /lh (dw ive had a lot of time to come to terms with this)

but basically right now ive been spending time getting to,,know myself?? iive been using simplyplural for myself for several months and im uncovering a lot of my memories / trauma ect bc alters can write down what they need to in the chat. so i can go back later and read it. its been v helpful!

i will not be coming back just yet. i have no interest in using social media rn or drawing or writing unfortunately. ive been working on my original stuff here and there but i havent been drawaing fandom stuff bc im not hyperfixating on a fandom.

also. some things have come up. im not going to say anything until the party in question is stable/safe/comfortable before i even suggest anything for context (i dont plan on talking abt anything at all unless they start talking publicly). right now i am helping someone through abuse. their wellbeing is my #1 concern. i'll think about other things after im sure theyre okay.

i dont really have any resolutions as to how things are going but i do feel better and im not having as many panic attacks. i dont really know where im going with this now sorry. just trying to brush over the basic topics before i go. idk if anybody remembers me bc ive been gone for so long so idk if im just talking into the wind but if i am thats fine honestly this is helping me reorganize my thoughts (i type these vents out a lot on docs so i probably wont remember posting this hiudhvu)

other than that. i dont draw or write anymore. i think in the past 6 months ive drawn like....5 things. its. weird. im completely disconnected from fandoms now. coming up to a full year of not having a hyperfixation at all.

my bday was on the 6th. im 27 now im very old (everybody forgot it asides from my husband (and the people he reminded) n my abuser). ive been trying to cook and bake more and ive been playing video games again. planning on getting back into drawing soon and working on my original stuff. when i come back im planning on redesigning my profiles and updating my social media bios and stuff bc theyre so old. also ill make a section on my carrd for my system. there you go theres some positivity to the update nxfjdfjh. sorry if i dont seem very enthused im very tired so typing has been a chore hfuidshuifv.

sorry that this was a lot or if it seems disjointed i was trying to put down as much into this as possible without making it too long

bye!!! see u all soon!

[spencerismyfav]

When i asked her "its been years, ive been doing this for years but it hasn't come", she replied to me "so are you having that desire or are you saying you are not". I was confused at first but then i came to the realisation.

You cannot change the mirror but yourself, if you keep saying it just to get it in the mirror ur missing the point. The whole point is to change yourself and the rest is unnecessary even if you didnt see it in the present moment.

You basically change your reality all the time and youll always be in the present moment. In this present moment, is ur parent in the same room as you? No. But do u assume that they sre here? Ofc. Its like that, even if you cant see your desires in 3d, does that mean it doesnt exist? No. But its just like ur parents, youll meet them soon or whenever they wabt but that doesnt mean they dont exist.

In this present moment they dont but once i go their room, they do exist. Just like your desire, for example, you want a magical powers right? If you assume that you can use your magic however you want and in this present moment you cant, does that mean you never be able to use it? No! It means that you have acknowledge that you have it, its just that in this present moment i dont use my powers.

Same goes for shifting, you assume that you can shift realities on command and however you want, in this present moment you are in a current reality, does that mean you never can shift? No! You are just acknowledging what you can do. Its not false or anything. Just like you acknowledge that theres going to be new day or tomorrow or next week and such. In this present moment it doesnt show you can shift but you assume that you can shift and this is why ladies and gentlemen 4d is the real and true reality.

Because how do u know that the sky is blue when u close ur eyes? How do u know u have a laptop when ur not holding it? How do u know that you have ur parents? How do u know u were in college last year? How do u even know that 2022 even exist? Exactly assumption!! Its not that hard lol 😭😭. So this is a reminder because ive been trying to manifest a car (idk why cuz i literally have money), you have a fucking car, you don't have to believe that its here but know that you have a car.

Because if i say its here, youll be like "where?" Lol no. You have a car but in a present moment you just cant see it, you are filthy rich but in this present moment you cant see it, the sky is blue and beautiful but in this present momebt you cant see, you can shift realities on command and however you want but in this present moment you cant see. Literally so much more but does that mean it doesnt exist? No. But in 3d yeah because you exist one at the time but thats why 3d is rubbish lmfao. 4d is a reality because thats where u shift realities, dobt believe me? Whats this then. Exactly, i assumed that ill type that and it came. I dont even need to assume it.

So when she said that, i think she meant, are you actually going identify that you dont have it rn? Because theres no proof in 3d, no proof in 4d, no proof whatsoever and it all lies with your assumption so are u actually going to say you dont have it?

Literally it made me think and shes right, even if i dont see it in 3d, does that mean i dont have it? No!! But u just cant see it thats why 4d exists and how do u know it exists (before you graciously overcomplicate yourself)? Assumption, intention, visualisation, affirmations, and just where subconscious mind lives lol.

Again, you are not your thoughts, nor your feelings, circumstances, body, mind or even soul, you are not your name, you are not the eyes that you can see, or ears that you can hear or hand that you can feel, nothing but an awareness so whatever is unfavorable to you whether is everything that i mentioned or more, instead of identifying it and claim it that its who you are, let it pass, acknowledge and let it go, dont identify it, dont participate in it, just let it pass, feel those feelings, think those thoughts, see those circumstances but dont identify it, dont say its yours.

Example: if you see that you want mcdonalds and you cant see it in this present moment, instead of identifying it and say you dont have it, assume that its going to come, it has already come just cant see it in this present moment or it came, ate and finished. So simple, no feelings involved, no thoughts involved, just assumptions.

Feelings doesnt matter if its not yours, dont identify because you thought that when u feel that, that means you are doing something wrong because you are not, you are not your feelings you are an awareness, a god, pure consciousness and limitless, so all of that does that mean you are your feelings? No. You are nothing but just an observant of your experience so dont worry about your thoughts, if you dont identify them, just let them pass.

Forgot to mention. I swear to god, to me and to everyone, there is no right or wrong, it doesnt exist, if you decide that you would go on strictly robotic affirm and the next day will be visualisation, no wrong with that. Even if you feel disbelief while saying affirm, as long as you decide to identify who u are, you are done!! Finito!! Basta lol. You are not doing anything wrong, like i said as long as you identify who you are like you say in your head "oh i shift realities all the time" for example and you remain loyal to that identification, its done, you are done, finished. Dw abt the rest, dw abt feeling wish fulfilled because you dont need it, u are done!!

[myfavdeatheater]

Sweater Weather

one shot after the great war Draco appolzies to Hermione and give her a sweater when she's cold

It was a chilly october night and Draco had found himself in the library studying for class. it was after the great war so everyone was learly about him even though he quit the death eaters and helped harry defet the dark lord he wasnt sure if he would return the same as all the others but if he wanted to restore his image running away wasnt the way to do it so he back a shadow had passed by him he looked up and he froze it was hermione Granger he hadnt seen her truely since that night in malfoy manner sure they were there for the second great war but she was too busy being the hero she looked different she sat down about 5 chairs down and pull out a text book about charms he noticed her arm the jagged pink lines peeking out from her sleeve made him sick to his stomach the night flashes in his mind bellatrix pinning her down and cutting the slur he used to call her all the time into her arm her scream he can still hear echoing he wanted to step in and stop his aunt from hurting his class mate but he didnt and he hated himself for it since that night he has never said the word mudblood since he decided then and there that he would appolizge to her or atleast try to he dosent expect much he picked up his belongings and his quidditch sweater he quit playing but still kept it and moved to sit next to her when he pulled out the chair her head snaped up and met his gaze her eyes widden in shock and little in fear he didnt blame her but she stayed quit as he sat down not being the first person to speak they sat in silence for five minutes while draco put his words together 

“Hello hermione” he said softly she looked at him and replied 

“ Hello Draco.” she said clipped clear distaste in her tone “ how are you? How have you been?”

She rolled her eyes “ you mean after you helped the dark lord almost kill everyone at hogwarts” she paused “ but myself ive been fine” she tugged down her shirt sleeve more draco sighed “ granger i wanted to appolize for everything ive done to you and otherwise” Hermione put her quill down and turn to look at him and when she did her breath got caught in her throat draco was always handsome but he was a deatheater and he was the bad guy and as a ‘hero’ she couldnt be seen entertaining someone like him but that was before everything happened and she was byherself at hogwarts because harry and ron decided not to return so she was all by herself and the loneliness is starting to get to her she looked at him pointedly “ okay so applozie and you have a small list” that made draco smirk a bit because that was exactly something she would say “ well for starters im sorry i didnt stop my aunt for doing what she did to your arm i wanted to stop her but i would have been killed myself and i was scared i made a lot of choices i regret daily but that one plays in my head alot and i just i feel so awful and if theres anything i can do please let me know” her eyes were blurry with tears shes been trying to forget that night in the manor she had nightmare for weeks afterwards she shes getting over it now and when draco mentioned her arm she unconsciously looked a this and his dark mark he noticed and added “ im not  a death eater anymore after my father was put into azkaban and i was on house arrest it gave me a lot of time to think and didnt want my life to end up like my fathers and i quit unfortunately im stuck with the mark forever” she shrugs “ im sorry your stuck with it and i appreciate the apology and i understand why you didnt do anything i mean its not right..at all but i understand. Just be the good guy from now on and it will take a while to fully forgive and trust you because you did so much damage draco.. But with time i think i can find myself forgiving you” she give him her kind smile he smiled back at her a genuine smile in a really long time just then a breeze came through the library and Hermione shivered she tried to play it off but draco noticed “ are you cold Granger?” “ no draco i'm fine thank you” as a another shiver coursed through her body draco pulled his sweater out from behind the chair and handed it to her “ no draco i can take your quidditch sweater..i mean what would people think” he shook his head “ granger you cant let people make decisions for you,come on just for today i'll take it back tomorrow if you'd like just take it your cold” she sighed and took the sweater and put it on and she couldn't help but immediately smell his cologne and it was warm and soft she was distracted by the cozyness of the sweater she didn't notice draco standing up she look at him “ see you later granger” and he winked at her and walked away her cheeks were tinted pink the rest of her studying went on without anymore excitement i mean she got some looks for wearing draco's sweater but she expected it later that day in her dorm a owl came by her window and gave her a letter she look at it and it was from D. Malfoy her heart rate went up she was still wearing the quidditch sweater she just can't seem to take it off she open the letter and it read 

Keep the sweater Granger you look better in it than i ever did  and don't ever let anyone judge you for wearing it.

D. Malfoy

[g0thsoojin]

🥀

honestly i cant believe that he just left me hanging like this. i have no idea if he's ghosting me or if he'll ever reply to me again. bc like i was hurt and upset but i didnt blame him or attack him. bc i know that if he wanted me, he wouldve chose me and talked to me but he didnt. he just threw away all we had. so it didnt mean as much to him as it did to me. and theres nothing i can do abt that. but i was still upset. and like i wanted to talk to him abt it but honestly he just doesnt wanna talk and he hasnt for almost a year. he just pulls away whenever i wanna talk. and i told him that i FEEL that way and he just got defensive and didnt wanna talk lmao. so ig. maybe im just not the one he wants and never has been, even if he with his own words and actions made me think he did. if he wanted me he wouldve communicated with me. he can clearly communicate with someone else lol.

but it hurts me so much... that i almost 4 weeks ago now, asked him if we can still be friends and still talk and just idk figure smth out bc he means a lot to me and i dont wanna lose him. and he cant even fkn reply. he cant even say 'i need some time to think i'll message u when im ready'. literally NOTHING i have gotten from him. idk what to do. i know im a fool for loving someone who doesnt even think im worthy of communication but i just feel sm for him idk what to do. i have never been able to just shut off my feelings for someone the way everyone else can do about me. or maybe no one has actually ever cared about me haha. anyway im just so upset that ive been clearly scared and in pain and asked him if we can still talk and im scared of losing him and he cant even bother to give me any fkn reply at all. i even told him that i understand if he doesnt know what to say but i just want to know if we can still talk? and not even that he had anything to say to. maybe im crazy af for fighting so hard to not lose smth the other person is just letting go of no issue :(

[rrxnjun]

(im really stupid but i hope u like this fanletter 😭)

hello <3 this is for my favourite writer on tumblr; to the the same writer who does not realise how much their works could mean to someone, the lovely @rrxnjun 🎀 !!!

so, i found your blog at the beginning ot this month– november, 2023, and now that the month's about to end, i have nearly finished reading all your nct works.

to me, this month is the most special one of this year. why? because i found your blog, your stories– some pieces of your mind. i found you through one of those nct fanfic recs, 'take the stairs - njm' being the first work i read from you. it was sweet, it made me happy. and then i read the other two parts of the 'simplify romance' series, which will always hold a special place in my heart.

this year has been the worst for me, with no one for me to lean on to, weird identify crisis shit, and losing myself in this tiring process of growing up. but you know what? you saved 2023 for me. when no one's words could speak to me, yours did. you make me feel a little less lonely.

im a silly teenager, who never read sad/mainly angsty stories before i found you because i was scared, i was confident i'd cry. and i did. i gathered the courage to read angst only because you'd written it, and it was so worth it. ive stayed up so many nights this month just to read your works in peace and privacy, hidden from my family, and then spend the days thinking about how you literally create art, and telling my bestfriends about it. you are blessed. you are phenomenal. no amount of thank yous or i love yous could be enough for me to express my gratitude. you've made me feel so at peace with my thoughts sometimes and you've made me feel like i'm not alone. you have magic in your hands. i owe you so much, i wish i could gift you something, but sadly im still a minor and theres a few years until i finish uni and then get a job, and then i promise i'll get you something, because i am so lucky to be able to read your stories for free. you deserve so much more than followers, likes and reblogs. each one of your fics have made me tear up and all of them are too special for me.

this month ive read all of your nct dream '00 line fics, and my favourite was 'happier than ever' which i finished a week ago— AND I SWEAR THAT FIC DESTROYED ME 😭😭😭 it had me bawling my eyes out for two hours on a school night i love it so so fucking much, i literally think about it daily and i told all my friends about it and im so in love with it, please tell me, for my inner peace that renjun and the reader ended up getting together and being fine because im gonna cry over it for the rest of my life IDC IF THEY DIDNT END UP TOGETHER please lie to me and tell me they did 💔💔💔💔💔😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

i want you to know, and to remember this whenever you feel even a little like giving up— you have magic, bar, don't ever let go of that magic.

your stories make me want to heal and to help everyone heal. to be loved and to love everyone. to be cared for and care for everyone. your magic helps me survive my days with a little smile. thank you so much for everything you've done for me, without realising you're helping me live.

every single word i wrote here– i swear on everything i have, i genuinely mean it. you are the best thing that happened this year :) i hope that one day someone will love you as much as i love your blog.

(me when i talk about your work)

P.S. permission to take a screenshot of your blog and paste it to my scrapbook by which i can remember my teenage years that your stories mended, please?

thank you for reading, ily ❤️

- your biggest fan (hopefully no one's more dedicated!!) 💘

when i saw this in my inbox i got so emotional i couldnt reply immidiately because i genuinely wanted to sob. this is so so sweet and it mustve taken a long time to type out and i appreciate you a WHOLE lot, not only for this, but also for supporting me sm over the last month. :,)

take the stairs is a very sweet and fun fic and i am glad you found my blog through this one, haha. the simplify romance series holds my favorite fics and i PROMISE to finish jeno's entry at the beginning of the next year!! it HAS to be done. it means a lot to me that you took the time of your day to read my works and that you enjoyed them so much to let me know.

i am happy to hear that my work could help you through some hard times. as a reader on this platform as well, i do know that feeling very well and i could never imagine being that person to someone, but i am glad my words could be there for you when no one else could. hearing this makes all the effort feel worth it, and it's something i'll think of whenever im having a hard time with my work again. i also hope life is nicer to you in the future, and if you ever need someone, my inbox is always open.

having my fics be called art is something i never imagined could happen. it's beyond what i think about my work, but i am honored to hear this compliment, truly. despite being a writer i cant find the words to express my gratitude towards you and your supportive words right now >:( it does mean the whole entire world to me. please do NOT worry about "paying me back" or something, i do this because it's what i love doing and sharing my work with others makes me happy, so an ask like this is more than enough for me. you made me feel really appreciated and i will remember and treasure your kind words forever.

happier than ever is definitely a heavier read, since it's partly from personal experience, hh. i tend to project on renjun a lot so take this as a warning for my other renjun fics LMAO. TT this fic has a special place in my heart and hearing you talk so highly about it makes me all warm on the inside hhhhh my love langugage is words of affirmation stop this or ill cry. i enjoy leaving my fics open-ended to interpretation of the reader, so whatever you feels fits their story is how the story ends for you. <3

i will definitely use this ask as a reminder to not give up when i feel like doing so. it really brought me a lot of strength :) thank you for calling my writing magic. i never imagined someone describing it that way, but it does feel good to hear haha

knowing that my work helped somebody and made them heal and feel all sorts of emotions inside makes me feel at peace. thank you so much. SO much.

also u really make me want to bawl with that scrapbook comment. cant believe im an important part of someone's teenage years :((

once again, words cant express how much this means to me. thank you and i hope my fics continue to be a source of good things for you :) i will think of this often. ily