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#I KNEW I didn't just make that name up
shark-wrangler · 1 year
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nobody else cares about this but I finally just figured out who the fuck Muiri is. she's a skyrim npc who appears in exactly one quest, but it's a dark brotherhood quest so she happens to be semi-relavant to the skyrim fic I'm working on, so her name stuck in my head and I mixed her up with Murghir from swtor, who also appears in exactly one quest that involves assassination.
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2.12 Chimney Begins - 2.09 Hen Begins - 2.16 Bobby Begins Again - 7.04 Buck, Bothered and Bewildered
Tommy's family arc
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thankstothe · 1 year
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One liners the sequel
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lieutenantselnia · 2 months
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F/o list meme because I miss posting about them but don't have all to much energy for other stuff currently, so memes it is😂 I lowkey wanna do more of these alignment chart memes now (both self ship and others), they're just fun :D
Template by @strawberry-selfships!
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quirkle2 · 9 months
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anybody else rly rly ill about the amount of grief in his eyes in this scene
[original screencap under the cut]
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astarlightmonbebe · 9 months
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it's easy to read the situation between li tongguang, ruyi, and yuanzhou as a love triangle on a superficial level, but looking even one step further, it's clear that there's no triangle about it. li tongguang is obsessed with ren xin; ning yuanzhou is devoted to ren ruyi. ltg's obsession is fervent and all consuming, but it's not devotion. like ruyi herself notes, his feelings to her are on the basis of her as a mother figure in his life, as a replacement for what he never received from his mother. is there an element of romantic/sexual love/desire to it? maybe. more likely he's deluded himself into thinking that, because the truth is, it's doubtful that ltg even understands what love is (platonic, filial, familial, romantic, all of the above, etc), because he has no basis for understanding. ruyi's teachings and actions towards him are the closest thing he has to hold up as an example. what he wants is ren xin, is a replica of the master he had. he doesn't want ruyi, because he doesn't actually care about ruyi. therefore, he doesn't care if she's sad, angry, mad; he just can't bear her 'abandoning' him. we saw this way back when she first meet and left him, both at thirteen and seventeen. although he distrusts her first, she saves his life and cares for him in the way no one else has, hence her first being raised on a platform in his mind. when she leaves for good, ending their master-disciple relationship/training, even though it's for official business and she's not abandoning him, in his mind that's exactly what it is. so now that she's in his life again, he won't let her leave again. he was powerless before, a child with no proper name, but now he's a recognized member of the imperial family, a man who can meet her as 'equals' (even when that's far from the truth). as a child, he could only cling to her legs and beg her, but now he has the power to keep her by his side. it's telling that when he finally gets confirmation of her identity, it's not ning yuanzhou he seeks to harm (even though he detests him and their relationship), but yang ying. yang ying is ruyi's new disciple, and as ltg doesn't know she's a woman, he only sees her as his direct replacement.
ning yuanzhou, on the other hand, is devoted to ruyi. he wants to build a new life and future with her, instead of slotting her into a spot in the life he already has. he's someone who accompanies her on walks and makes her midnight snacks, who holds her when she needs to be held and lets her go when she needs to do things on her own. when she speaks her mind, he listens, even when it makes him discontent/it's not what he wanted/wants to hear. he sees her unabashedly as his equal, and though he acknowledges her skills and abilities, or points out her naivety, he never does it to belittle her; to him, she is his peer, deserving of the highest honor and respect. he trusts her to have his back, and she has come to trust him to have her. he did what she might have thought no man would ever do: he proved himself reliable, so she came to rely on him. yuanzhou gives her freedom and autonomy as both ren ruyi and ren xin. of course they run into problems, but they both learn and grow from them, as individuals and as a couple. yuanzhou's belief in her is unwavering, but adaptable, whereas ltg's is unwavering, but frozen in time, disallowing for any new information to be presented. yuanzhou works with ruyi to accept the changes thrown her way; he seeks the core behind her actions in order to better understand her. li tongguang cannot accept the changes in ruyi's character, because they run contrary to the master he has on a pedestal in his mind.
what li tongguang wants is to return to the past, but yuanzhou offers ruyi the promise of a future, even one that might never come to fruition. there's no triangle about it.
#star stumbles#my thoughts#a journey to love#一念关山#cdrama#written right after watching ep 26#hope i explained it well#honestly i have a lot more thoughts about this ep and ruyi/ltg but that's still a separate post that will happen. well sometime#maybe after ep 32 idk#it's just the juxtaposition between entering a room that is a shrine to the person she is trying to leave behind#and going home to a man who makes her wonton soup and accompanies her on her revenge journey#who offers his own insights and thoughts but lets her lead the way when it comes down to it.#he gives her ultimate control over her own journey. and ruyi who has never had that freedom of course is drawn to him#oh and one more point that didn't make it in#ruyi's confrontation about how ltg is unwilling to give up his power and success is further proof of his obsession =/= love or devotion#it's not that ning yuanzhou WOULD necessarily give up those things if she asked him to#but he would respect her enough to let her go if he knew he was unwilling to give up his position#of course nyz right now is someone who is planning on retiring and living a quiet life away from it all#which is appealing to ruyi#but ltg obviously won't give up his name and success. he wanted an imperial name but now that he got it the avenue has opened up#we saw his big dreams early on in eps 4-5 (before the character butchery...though i can't really call it that since it makes sense#but still drives me insane)#and of course he won't! for a neglected illegitimate child with no power even gaining a sliver of it is just the beginning#and ruyi is honestly so far from the court in that she might have been close with empress zhaojie#but her understanding of the court is very ignorant. not in a bad way but she was a weapon so of course she didn't have to understand that#she just struck when told to. the power games of the court are basic knowledge but they still shock and confuse her#so it's also a thing about living two different lives and different paths#even though yuanzhou and her are on different ones theirs are still compatible#at this point in their lives. as they said earlier if they had met earlier they probably would be trying to kill each other
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sysig · 14 days
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Party (group) party (celebratory)! (Patreon)
#Doodles#Pokemon#Gyrados#Ninetales#Sableye#Ampharos#Banette#Politoed#Pikachu#The lot! Mostly my SoulSilver guys but a kind of general mishmash of nostalgia and aiming-fors#Even tho I played Yellow when I was quite a bit younger I never beat it or got particularly attached to my 'mon and ended up selling it#Mistake I know blame the folly of youth lol#So I really consider Soul Silver as my ''first'' game - though I beat X before SS pfft just can't make it simple eh!#But I got veryyy attached to my SSteam <3 It's fun to watch them grow in the photo album! Can see most of them as babies :D#I ended up with a Vulpix named Beauty since Ninetales is my favourite Pokemon <3 I knew she'd grow into a beauty! Thusly named#And a Magikarp that I thought would be ironically funny to name Beast because well - y'know lol#Did not even occur to me Once that they'd be Beauty and Beast haha - the reasoning is so strongly connected it just didn't register!#They're a fun duo :) Fire and Water Fish and Fox hehe <3 Cute lads!#Group of four was speculations about building a really ideal team for me - Mareep Line Obviously and Ninetales goes without saying#Sableye is another really obvious one lol I love Sableye so muuuuchhhh aghhh <3 <3#Banette wouldn't exactly fill in many gaps but I've always leaned more towards Ghost and Psychic types#The Politoed doodles were just for funsies tho lol I really can't decide on a Water type I like that I haven't already exhausted!#They're silly little frog guys which I do enjoy haha#Probably not my personal pick but I like them :)#The aforementioned Yellow playthrough had me with a Pikachu I named Sparks which I then wrote fanfic about haha#Baby's first fanfic and fanart were both Pokemon! I have no idea where it'd be now as it was in a notebook but I remember the gist at least#Thought it'd be nice to bring him back to visit <3#And then some silly ones for myself lol what's a good trainer pose!#I think they're all silly lol but I do like the middle one :D#I'd love a Pokeball shirt like that! All the Pokemon things pls and thank you!
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queer-geordie-nerd · 1 month
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If any society as a whole really cared about uplifting and supporting rape survivors as much as we like to pretend we do, or even half as much as we like to make excuses for abusers and rapists, perhaps women wouldn't feel the need to keep the abhorrent crimes perpetrated against them to themselves for years for fear of being re-traumatised by the legal system and the court of public opinion.
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torybrennan · 3 months
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show tempe gang crossover with the morris islanders would actually have been the best episode of bones ever. btw
#please ignore the rest of the tags i will just be making things up#okay they start out in carolina but at least half the episode takes place in dc. do not ask me how travel logistics would work#tory spends the entire episode off with tempe doing bone stuff. booth feels upstaged by a 16-year-old girl#so he goes and hangs out with ben who does NOT trust him right off the bat#ben ends up having to run him over to liri at some point because there's crime afoot and tom is busy. they spend most of the ride in silenc#ofc they end up bonding Eventually because they are both obsessed with crazy emotionally stunted redheads named t brennan#tory is more effective than any of the squinterns and manages to piss hodgins off so bad just by existing#coop hangs out in the lab as saroyan tries to kick him out thirty times. he just keeps showing up and she can't prove who's letting him in#(it's tempe.) angela loves tory but tory does not love angela back. saroyan tolerates her. sweets likes her but knows she's hiding somethin#comes to the conclusion that she can read her friends minds and slowly drives himself crazy because obviously that can't be true#tory brings hi along whenever she needs someone with people skills and he is MORE than happy to participate in a hodgins experiment#hi gets to be king of the lab for about ten minutes. shelton hits it off with angela immediately and they solve half the case together#booth fucking HATES hi because he's evasive and really good at the manipulation thing. booth can't win verbal sparring and he gets Big Mad#at one point the four of them are in an interrogation room together (MISTAKE) because tory had them meddling a little too close to the sun#and booth is trying so hard to question them which didn't work even when they COULDN'T read each other's minds#tory figures out who did it and hi steals her thunder a la shrek wasnt vandalized he gave birth#temperance tells tory 'i know you've got a secret sweets told me and even though i don't trust psychology i find he's insightful' etc etc#tory's like well i might be but i can't tell you it's not just my secret and you wouldn't believe me anyway#because let's be real tempe WOULDNT believe her#meanwhile saroyan convinced by sweets paranoia managed to get a sample of tory's blood and test it and is like HEY WHAT THE FUCK#gets hodgins and they just stare at the results together and delve into conspiracy theories. he's like i KNEW there were werewolves#they debate telling tempe but know it wouldnt end well for the kids and decide to get rid of the evidence. but hodgins is SO smug#also angela spends the whole episode trying to convince everyone hi and shelton are dating and no one believes her#they finally see them kiss or something and they're all somehow floored and angela's just like yeah? duh?#if anyone read this i'm sorry and why
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quietwingsinthesky · 6 months
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Hiiiii! So, a few days ago you were talking about the whole thing with Amy, Rory, and River. And when I saw those posts a thought arose in my head and I wish to share it with you.
Since River grew up with Amy and Rory as Mels. And Mels was Amy's best friend do you think that they ever talked about children? Since I know that it can come up when talking with friends, and like... do you think that Amy might've ever expressed whether or not she wanted children?
And if she didn't, that Mels would've had to listen to her mother say that she doesn't want children? The idea is so heartbreaking and sooo interesting.
What do you think about it?
no, no, see, you're so right and this drives me wild.
because, the way i see it, i don't think amy wanted children. she's somewhere on the 'hasn't thought about it' to 'vaguely negative feelings about it happening' range to me, which falls sharply into 'Not Happening Ever Again' post-s6. (specifically, in terms of having a kid herself, even if she could, i really don't think she would. i do love that she and rory end up adopting a kid later, because that does make sense, for amy pond who grew up alone in one universe with her family swallowed by cracks in time before the doctor helped her set it right again, for her to want to make sure another child won't be alone in the world like she was. getting off-track here.)
and that's so. because the first real memory river/mels has of amy is of amy shooting at her. and depending on how well the silence fucked up the rest of her memory, it might be one of the very first memories she has at all. that's how she met her mother, crying for help and getting a bullet instead. her mother tried to kill her, so of course, you have to think. she must have needed to hear that she was wanted, right? even if she was taken away, even if amy shot her, at some point, melody must have been wanted?
river is good at getting people to do what she wants, but she is very, very bad at subtlety. and mels is younger, has less practice, so when she wants to know this, she's just going to ask. blunt and quick, easy enough because amy's used to the way mels will open her mouth and you just have to be ready to roll with what comes out if you want to keep up. it's why they're such good friends (like mother, like daughter.)
they're nine, and mels asks if amy wants kids, and amy wrinkles up her nose and says she won't have time for children, obviously, once her raggedy doctor finally comes back. they're fifteen, and amy and rory dance will they-won't they in a way that makes mels twitchy to watch, and taunting amy about wanting to have rory's babies is a good way to get on her nerves. but amy calls her gross, tells her she's got more life planned than children would leave room for, and besides, imagine her, a mom? it'd be a disaster.
mels does. a lot. she looks at her mother and just sees her best friend instead. she's not even sure what she wishes was there, but. maybe amy's right. and besides. imagine her, a daughter, instead of the ticking time bomb she really is? it'd be a disaster.
they're sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, and on. mels stands on the outside of a love story that births a universe. and her. how do you compete with that? not that she would know, not yet, she hasn't been there. but it doesn't make her feel any less alienated when amy and rory talk in whispers about a half-remembered world that's bled through to this life, about roman soldiers and boxes and the big bang of belief.
all these memories, they never mention children. on amy's wedding day, she's different, not like someone remembering a dream but someone who lived it. rory stands straighter, won't leave her side, and they're both so much older than they were yesterday. maybe now, right? a wedding's as good a time as any to decide you want kids.
mels not being at amy & rory's wedding is such an obvious lazy way of them trying to explain why they totally didn't just throw this plot twist together at the last minute that i'm not even going to acknowledge it. of course she was at their wedding. she's their best friend. there's too many people around the doctor, and she wasn't ready today of all days, so despite this horrible burning need under her skin to strike, she stays her hand. doesn't let him dance with her because she might just tear his throat out if he gets too close. stays with amy and rory as the maid of honor should. she must have been there for the awkward questions that always gets asked, 'so, any plans for a baby?' 'when am i getting grandkids?' 'oh, you two are going to have gorgeous children together.' standing a few feet from amy in her wedding dress and watching her mother tense and grit her teeth and brush off the questions. watching her look nervously at rory but never ask if he means it when his mom asks him if he'd prefer a son or a daughter, and rory answers 'either one, some day, not anytime soon.'
god i'm just going on and on, aren't i. but really, what's it like to know that amy never changed her mind. the next time she sees them, she's already been born and stolen. i don't like let's kill hitler for. so many reasons. but there is something compelling about how recklessly river lashes out at the world, at the doctor. even her sacrifice at the end is almost suicidal, throwing all her regenerations into this man without knowing if that will even work or if it might kill her to do it. but it makes more sense in the context of someone who has reached the end of a long, long wait for some kind of indication, any kind, that her mother wanted to have her. and finally been told, no. she didn't choose melody.
#like. to be clear also: i don't think the fact that amy didn't want kids and really didn't have a choice in giving birth to river#means that she wouldn't love river. i think it would make their relationship Complicated but i do think amy loves her. so much.#that's her daughter but it's also her best friend.#but like. god. to spend your whole childhood hoping you'll hear about some little glimmer of yourself.#a dream. a passing mention. a debate on baby names. anything. and to hear nothing.#and river is. like. she is really really bad at relationships right? we know this.#the person she's closest to is the doctor and she spends most of her life believing *he doesn't even love her*.#we're talking about someone whose base assumption about everyone is that they will try to hurt her at some point so she should always keep#one hand armed.#and her mother. didn't choose to have her. didn't have that choice. that has to fuck her up a little.#(and also serve as proof that river is. so so bad at knowing when she is loved. because maybe amy didn't choose to have her but she named#melody pond after mels her best friend. she has been choosing river every day for the past however many years since mels decided to come#here and be near her mom and dad even if only as kids. but river still can't see it.#and. given the nature of how the ponds disappear from her life. and we never get any closure about them and river.#you have to wonder if she ever did. river song do you know your mother loves you?#having the melody-as-river reveal be so close to the end of the season and then getting rid of amy & rory before they can actually do#anything with the three of them as a messed up little family unit is the show's biggest crime. because i don't know! i don't know if river#knew her parents loved her! i don't know if she *ever* came to terms with how she was born and how they didn't need to choose her then to#choose her now! i don't know if river ever really felt comfortable thinking of them as her parents rather than her friends?#according to the transcripts. river calls amy 'mother' twice. (and 'mummy' once jokingly.) she calls rory 'father' once. and 'dad' in angel#in manhattan. and it just. it drives insane right? it's almost weirdly formal. like the words aren't right but she knows she should say the#and. and. i don't think i'm ever going to get over river song.#i think that's the takeaway here.#ask#doctor who#river song#amy pond#rory williams
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razzle-zazzle · 10 days
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you need to STOP IT with these ho/me/stu/ck aus. first psychonauts, now ninjago? STOP! BONKING YOU WITH A NEWSPAPER!
NOOOOO DON'T BONK ME!!! it won't stop me unfortunately, i love adding hs trolls to things 😌
anyway 💅 alternia as another realm within the 16 and maybe there was an invasion of ninjago at some point in the past, i'm still working out details. but the basic gist is a bunch of trolls immigrated to ninjago and honestly between the serpentine and munce and geckle and merlopians and the occasional skulkin and also the fucking. floating jaguars and boogie bears and everything else they fit right in tbh. they mostly keep to themselves but there is a bit of mingling between humans trolls and serpentine (up until the serpentine war at least), but trolls as elemental masters is next to unheard of given that trolls and humans can't really reproduce together that way.
except when wu goes to find all the holders of the elements of creation for the green ninja prophecy, well. Colton Bekkit and Nya are very obviously trolls, and wu knew that his brother had somehow managed to have a son with Tomeseek. what he wasn't expecting was for the masters of ice and lightning to have been raised by trolls, too. things are about to get chaotic (colton ends up crushing on the other three in three different quadrants pretty much. immediately. nya and kai had to raise each other and so nya's not really in touch with troll culture. things are only going to go off the rails from there)
#ask zaz#i'm. i'm not giving this an au tag#this is a THOUGHT EXPERIMENT only#but i will inflict it upon the#lego ninjago#tag!!!#cole's troll name being colton bekkit was just. yeah#considered colton bukkit/bucket but it just. didn't sound right???#like the fact that it was clearly bucket even if spelled weird made it sound not like a troll name#also. nya doesn't have the usual 12 letter wriggling name bc she never got a lusus#maya & ray had a lot of trouble with kai's birth but since they had two elements between them to pass on they didn't wanna let kai be#an only child. so tomeseek went into the caves and brought out a tyrian grub that would have never gotten a lusus and handed it to them#they didn't ask her to do this btw she just heard the problem and went ''oh i can help 😊🌸✨'' and then went and got that grub#prof julien's adult title is the Tinkerer btw#and ed & edna are sandgear and clipwire <333#and yes. lou and lilly still get to be lovers here. well. for as long as lilly lives anyhow#but yeah lou is also a troll!! his adult title is Soulsong (for now) and he's old enough to have grown up in alternia#despite havign arrived in ninjago decades ago!! he is colton's ancestor (same sign same blood)#colton's lusus is a bear btw. bearmom <3#she dies pre-canon not too long after lilly does and both deaths weigh heavily on colton#also colton got his earth powers bc lilly explicitly gave them to him. via tea ofc#maya did the same for nya when she and ray realized krux was after them (i'm still working on the details there)#and ofc the previous em of ice does that for zane in canon#i'm still debating on whether zane should look like a troll or human#i mean. since julien's a troll it should be obvious to make zane a troll right??? but also.... idk i just think it could be more interestin#if since the tinkerer knew zane would outlive him the tinkerer made zane look more human so that after his death zane could#find community and safety more easily than a lone troll in ninjago would be able to#and then i can have zane find old horns he used to have maybe if the human appearance was like. a later thing the tinkerer did#idk yet tho#ninjastuck
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mariocki · 1 year
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Acting legend Peter O'Toole makes his screen debut as lowly '1st Soldier' in The Adventures of the Scarlet Pimpernel: A Tale of Two Pigtails (1.4, ITP, 1955)
#fave spotting#peter o'toole#the adventures of the scarlet pimpernel#1955#itp#itc#classic tv#actual acting royalty here! fresh from RADA and without a penny to his name. i actually knew he would turn up in this series at some#point but i still didn't recognise him‚ it was dad that picked him out. i think it's his nose? did he break his nose at some point? idk it#just looks different and as a result his whole face does. perhaps it's a fake nose‚ tho i have no idea why he'd wear one for this small#role. Peter would soon be winning rave reviews on the english stage‚ and from there film work and screen immortality#beckoned. unsurprisingly this would be O'Toole's only ITC credit (and before they were even called ITC)‚ although he did make a handful#of other tv appearances (mostly single plays in drama strands) before Hollywood claimed his as their own#his brief appearance here is quite fun and he gets to mug quite mercilessly to Stanley van Beer's villainous Chauvelin#alas i can't with clear heart recommend the ep to anyone looking to see a baby Peter; it is alas Hella Racist. not his scenes‚ but#the later body of the episode‚ which features star Marius Goring playing a Chinese character in yellowface (as well as the Pimpernel in#yellowface impersonating the Chinese character‚ a sort of meta racism??)#it's pretty awful‚ as is the accent and the dialogue choices.#imdb lists this as the 18th and final ep but wiki and network place it 4th and i suspect imdb is following the US transmission#bc they list the show under its overseas title of simply The Scarlet Pimpernel
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cherrygarden · 5 months
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,
#I was at a party and my friend's friend's boyfriend told me he knows the girl who broke my heart in hs#the girl I had a homoerotic friendship with who then ghosted me while I was half a world away#bc she got herself a boyfriend. and didn't explain until months later when I insisted <3#these are my university friends!! and everything that happened w her was in 2017.#when he told me I was SHAKING bc I lowkey never got over that situation. I got over her a while ago and I even remember her fondly sometime#but the whole thing was shitty and left me with a broken heart and unresolved issues that she never fully took responsibility for <3#and he told me she just broke up w that same boyfriend bc she got together w a guy at work#while they were both in a relationship that they each ended so they could be together#and yeah that's shocking but the fact that he knows who I am is WILD to me#he still was a bit shady on how he knew#bc he said she recognised me from something he posted on his story (genuinely don't remember him posting me)#but he knew my last name for some reason before that. sooo#anyway he was cagey abt what he knew and just said that she told him we were best friends and that we liked each other#and then i left and the time difference got a big too much for her and she got together with this guy#and that she regretted it. and like yeah I guess that's what happened and I'm glad she admits her guilt when retelling it#but it freaks me out that she is out there. talking abt me. just openly telling anyone abt how she broke my heart#like that's my story!! it makes me mad bc it's stupid but I hadn't realised she could tell it as well? it's silly#that she regretted how she dealt w the situation btw not getting with the guy#alsooo what is she telling ppl about me. im lowkey scared of his perception of me now bc I was very intense#and even worse at communicating and did get too in my head and pushed her a bit#bc I was a teenager with these strong ideas of what love should be#so I acted difficult and I wasn't my best version ik ik#but still who does SHE THINK SHE IS#to be telling ppl about me#what the fuck!!!!!!!!!
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nobodieshero-main · 9 months
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i'm actually still not quite over the fact that oveta and korahi's stories continuously overlap until they finally cross paths in that market. that they don't even say anything to each other, they just smile from their different stalls. oveta rolls her eyes bc kova is being ridiculous and korahi bites her lip so she doesn't laugh and it's so simple, so peaceful, so fucking mundane. they have no idea who the they are to each other. oveta, the girl who killed the queen that destroyed korahi's people, her family. proof that someone tried to fight for them. korahi, the very creature that oveta was almost executed for defending, the push that became a shove to build her own kingdom and write her own laws. proof that nakia failed. but for just that moment, that blip of time, they were just two girls sharing a silent joke, and everything was okay.
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When the train arrived I told the conductor that I was getting off at Llanfairpwllgwyngyll, but apparently he's getting off at Chester, so I have to tell whoever his relief is too. Which. You know. Is fine. Hopefully the practice of telling the first guy will help!
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youremyonlyhope · 1 year
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Stupidly I decided to watch this video just now.
Today would have been my Grandma's birthday, but we lost her last fall and then my Nanna in the winter.
I did not think that a commentary video on Rugrats would make me uncontrollably sob. But I blocked out how sad the Mother's Day episode was. And combining it with Grandma's birthday...
I've spent the last 10 minutes or so doubled over crying.
#i kind of knew some sort of emotional outbreak was incoming soon but i didn't know when#that time ended up being now#because the start of this week was emotional since a show i was working on ended#and for some reason that show ending just felt way more emotional than other shows i've done ending#so many people were crying. but i didn't cry.#we had had a performance on mother's day and our director had lost her mother recently#so she was upset that whole day and so was so much of the cast and crew. i still didn't cry.#while holding a crying friend at the closing party i told another friend that the emotions will hit me later.#i didn't know when but i knew it was going to. at some time.#both my grandmothers had passed while i was working on different productions with this group#and both times i came to the theater hours later and it had been emotionally healing to be there.#this was the first production i worked on after losing both of them so it felt a little weird.#(plus the color purple trailer came out and that book and musical makes me SOB and i refuse to watch the trailer)#(also add in Tina Turner's passing and her birth name being the same as my grandma's)#and basically all of those feelings and having these other theatre experiences mixed up with my losses#combining with it being my grandma's birthday AND i happened to be crocheting when i watched this video#which is a defining skill that Grandma taught me... i was SUCH a mess. i just could not stop crying.#i had mentioned backstage that i can't rewatch moana because i can't handle the storyline anymore.#and just now while in the middle of this emotional explosion i thought of moana and cried HARDER.#this is a good commentary but GOD i did not expect it to trigger all of this.#when i say doubled over i mean literally doubled over and shaking.#anyway. i think i feel better now. i think i needed this crying session.#in sims your sim can have an 'emotional bomb' quirk. they freak out uncontrollably for 30 seconds then they're fine.#i've never really hated that quirk because that is literally me.
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