#I KNOW the realistic answer is ‘not everyone can somehow 100% the game on the first playthrough and p5r has NG+’

[chipjrwibignaturals]

I have a chronic illness called “unable to pick up a game again mid-game” that prevents me from actually playing persona 5 (the game with a 10 hour long tutorial)

[areyouafraid]

The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy (Game Boy Advance, 2006)

so basically everyone knows about the TGAOBAM fighting game for the gamecube, ps2, and wii, but did you know there was a gba version? because i didn't

there's a decent amount of coverage of the GCN / PS2 / wii game, but i only learned about this version by accident when i was browsing a gba rom site. this seems to be the one no one cares about.

i was curious how a """port""" of this game would have been handled, given the original is a 3D fighting game and the GBA has incredibly limited (i.e. virtually nonexistent) support for 3D. the answer is that this version is more like a sidescrolling beat-'em-up game.

the graphics for the most part are surprisingly good and mostly on-model, which is a little surprising to me. a lot of games like this that the actual team may or may not have been involved in the production of (especially the GBA ones for some reason) tend to feel kind of like weird bootleg pastiches of their respective IPs (there's a spongebob game for the GBA im thinking of that definitely feels this way) but again it feels surprisingly... like there's some soul behind it

the title screen is similar to the GCN / PS2 / wii version

one of the first questions i had is "does it have all the same characters?" the answer is, to my knowledge, no, though three of the unlockable characters from the fighting game appear as bosses in the story mode. it's kind of unfortunate, but it kinda makes sense when you consider the computing power you're working with

the game consists of the "story mode", which is what it sounds like (with three separate stories for billy, mandy, and grim), and "mission mode", which is basically a series of challenges / minigames

billy's story culminates in this weird general skarr boss fight. this one is like stupidly straightforward but took me an embarrassingly long time to figure out. every enemy you've encountered up until this point follows the strategy of "hit it until it stops moving", but skarr's robot will lift off and physically repel you whenever you try to approach him. what you ACTUALLY need to do is let him go through his attack sequence thing (sorry) and wait for the robot to shut down, at which point you can attack him.

mandy's story draws upon the halloween special. it heavily features these bouncy pumpkin platforms. this made an impression on me because pumpkins are not typically regarded for their bounciness. it also features these weirdly off-model zombies

the boss of mandy's story obviously could not have feasibly been any character besides jack. he throws these exploding pumpkin enemies at you, which you have to launch back at him and knock him off his platform. he also doesn't fucking shut up the entire time, which feels amusingly in character somehow. he DISINTEGRATES when you beat him, which is kind of a disturbing artistic liberty

the boss of grim's story is nergal. he runs around trying to hit you, then he gets tired and you can beat him. i don't really have anything else to say about this portion of the game

like i mentioned, the other half of the game is mission mode. the missions range in difficulty from "trivially easy" to "not sure how a human can realistically be expected to do this". i don't know what happens when you 100% the game (or if anything happens at all)

(in typical dallas fashion, i left this post rotting in my drafts for too long. i'm cutting it off here sorry)

[thelazywriters]

REAL OR CAKE W/ CREEPYPASTAS

OKAAY, I'M BACK!11! Don't mind be being inactive for the past couple of months hehe.

This is 100% fanon haha <33, I had trouble posting the last draft for some reason xd

characters:Jeff the killer, Jane the killer, Ben Drowned, Sally, Slenderman, Splendorman, Trenderman, kagekao, Hoodie

Jeff The Killer:

- "IT'S CAKE! I'M TELLING YOU IT'S FXXKING CAKE--" swears on his life that his answer is correct, even when it's not.

- To be honest the whole game he's just guessing lmao. He doesn't know if it's real or cake, and just goes "cake" or "real" at random times.

- And when they ask him to prove it, he's over here trying to EAT the real item.

- Jeff, with a whole cup stuck in his mouth: "i told you it was cake.", spits it out a second later. "just really bad."

- and when he gets an answer right he's celebrating it like it's the last day of his life just going: "I TOLD YOU WHAHAHW"

Jane The Killer:

- actually guesses things right

- "it's real." she says, blankly staring at the cake. "how did you kn-"- 100% knows just by staring at it.

- whenever she sees Jeff RAGE after realizing he's wrong, she likes to chuckle and secretly hopes he chokes on whatever he's trying to eat. But when he (somehow) survives, she just sighs and waits for the next round, kind of disappointed.

Ben Drowned

- more focused on his phone than he is on the game, Slenderman has to drag it away from him T_T.

- "Why are you asking me? I don't know." shrugs after he's asked if it's real or cake- secretly knows the right answer but wants to annoy everyone with his constant "I don't know" or "I don't cares."

- only answers on the difficult questions. And then everyone stares at him with the: "how did you know-" kind of expression and he's over there giggling like a little devil because he knows what is and what isn't cake

.Sally

- IS HAVING THE MOST FUN AHH

- "it's cake?? can I eat it?? How did you make it? :0"

- she LOVES to see the cake cut, and especially wants to know how to bake them! - loves guessing and pointing at the item, real or not. When she finds out she's wrong, she just giggles and prepares for the next round.

- and when she finds out she's right, she gets super happy and starts jumping up and down and probably getting excited.

- "next one next one!" she said, pointing at the next item being dragged into the room, excited to guess the next answer

- definitely asked the bakers for help with baking things after.

Slenderman

- "cake. it's cake."

- secretly super competitive with his brothers. Like at first you think he isn't competitive with the way he stares at the cake and then says the answers blankly, but if you were his brother you'd know ALL TOOO WELLLLL

- ALWAYS answers first. No one answers before him.

- and ALWAYS right. The rest of them expect his brothers are probably staring at him and thinking: "how does he even see the cake and HOW DOES HE GET IT CORRECT.."

Splendorman

- having JUST AS MUCH FUN AS SALLY AHHH

- he knows when it's cake because I feel like he'd bake LOTS OF CAKES before especially for his brothers, so he's gotten used to seeing the texture and stuff like that.

- one stare and he knows if it's cake. Buttt he doesn't say it to the others because he's not as competitive as his brothers and is doing it for fun. 

- he enjoys seeing how talented people can be especially with how realistic the cakes look.

- is literally the least competitive out of all the brothers.

- probably trying to stop Jeff from shoving the items down his throat

Trenderman

- why do i get the feeling that he’d keep judging the cake based on how it looks T_T

- side-eyeing the cake smh

- making excuses whenever he loses, probably kind of a sore loser too lmao

- doesn't show it though and just goes "mhm." whenever he gets an answer wrong.- but when he DOES get it right, he stares at the people who got it wrong and does a little smirky smirk and then goes back to looking at the cake

- people side eying him back LMAO

Kagekao

- who placed wine in the cake…

- was probably there before the game even started just to mess with the bakers.

- secretly placed wine in the cakes or altered it in some way and now it's messing everyone up

- worker: "this cake tastes a lil funky..

"kagekao, hiding in the shadows and staring at him: "kekekeke..” - doesn't care about the game and only cares about messing everyone up and it's working- slowly starts arguments during the time they're guessing.

- "psst, it's cake." 

- He knows the answers because he was there when they baked it Hoodie:

- "...." silent the entire time. at least most of it. 

- his brain just kinda malfunctions whenever he sees the cake and is questioning his life when it's revealed the answer is cake.

- Sally: "Come on Hoodieee!!! Just guess with us!"

Hoodie: "uh.. uhm, cake?"

Worker: "And the answer is... real!"

Hoodie: *questioning his life decisions*  - and if the worker asks him if he's SURE that's his final answer, he starts questioning anything and everything.

- secretly really likes the cake and the game, finds it entertaining. Not AS competitive as the others. 

- Probably the only one who doesn’t end up in an argument by the end of the game (NOTE: OKAY SO I HAD SO MANY TROUBLES WITH THIS POST IM SORRY IF SOME THINGS ARE MESSED UP HUHU T_T. Thanks for reading though !! :"D)

[topconfessions]

Agree with so much in your last answered ask. I used to adore Seunghyun but the way he's acted throughout his career and especially the past few years.. really rubs me wrong. To me, HE is the one that ended BigBang. HE was the one who wouldn't be seen with them, not showing up to shows, absent from entire tours, etc etc. It's clear to me now he's always and only been about himself and uses the other members/whoever he can to further that. I'm done with him. Wishing all the best to the other four.

Exactly. I always said back when the group was still intact that he was throwing Seungri under the bus a lot and I didn't like that. Now it feels like the other members followed his lead minus GD. Top was just as much a problem as RI but it wasn't apparent and obvious. RI was loud with his misconduct and TOP was subtle with it. Same. I tried SO SO hard to stand by him and I threw away many years of my life standing him hardwire I used to have a folder on my computer of 100s of His pics saved up. Tons. I never spent money on him though cause something in me told me don't do it. This group would somehow disappoint me and my intuition was right. I spent on jonghyun and Shinee. HyunA, SNSD, FX etc. But my fave group bigbang I didn't minus some socks with top fantastic baby cartoon character on it (they were cute) cause I always knew they weren't as close as they projected.

I understand if top felt used and slighted by the industry but don't take it out on the group.

How many times I said he should have announced MADE was his last project with rhe group and left then. I remember the entire Fandom thought he was leaving when Tazza 2 dropped and he carried himself like he was transition into acting full time. Then after that and out of control movie, he tanked and started goofing around.

I try so hard not to come off as some anti or hater but I was just like everyone else deep into them in my pre teens and teens. Now I'm nearly 30. 29 this July. I Have to look at them realistically now and not with feelings or weird hypnotized teen rose colored lenses.

Besides. They did their last tour many years ago and I was still really young. Not stable financially and didn't have the means to go see them nor meet them in person like others did in Vegas. I was so upset with myself but now I don't feel anything cause it would have hurt more if I was in the state I am now where I can go and make the trip, meet them outside the venue only to watch TOP himself turn out like this

I feel like a disappointed umma or ahjumma. Like I'll always love him but its like where are his true friends at? Lee jungjae I have no beef with him. He was fantastic in squid game and worked his ass off for so many years that was his big break and he deserves it plus he'sa sweet man. But TOP gives me vibes that he sees his friends for who they are and knows that aside from genuinely caring about them, people like jungjae will come in handy eventually for a come up or a favor.

What happened to the flamboyant old dude the famous Japanese artist who created the flower smiley face rainbow artwork that's well known in all the expensive shops and art world? He doesn't seem extremely close to him anymore.

Chileee.

[eschergirls]

Originally posted at: https://eschergirls.com/photo/2020/04/22/guaranteed-get-female-your-bag

Another gem from Jess Morrissette on Twitter:

"What if we simply played to our strengths? What if we're so good at gaming, it somehow triggers an 'I want the alpha male' response in females?" A Game Geek's Guide to Getting Girls (PC Accelerator, February 2000).

I know PC Accelerator was trying to be a Maxim for gamers thing but holy crumbs.  Even as comedy this comes up short.  I almost would say you could make a drinking game out of reading this article but you'd probably die taking shots whenever "a female" showed up.  Also extra points for the advice to hide your gaming interest from a woman until you "bag" her because not letting your partner know about an important hobby in your life is a great way to make sure she's interested in it. >_>

Transcription for screenreaders (thanks again to Bella (@MoviePosters00) for the transcription):

A GAME GEEK’S GUIDE TO GETTING GIRLS

Okay palm-shavers, listen up! Reaction time is a factor. Say the first word that comes into your mind when we say "flying fat baby with a bow and arrow." No — not Messiah! Dammit, your answer is the reason we're writing this article. When you see that pint-sized chubby cherub whizzing around plinking people, it means Valentine's Day is breathing down your neck ... and baby, with this much love magic in the air, even you might be able to get a date.

As a service to you, our reader and — dare we say it — our friend, PCXL has sought an answer to the mystery that plagues so many gamers, "how do I get a girl?" We've searched high and low, discussed this conundrum over beer, subjected ourselves to countless seconds of daytime talk shows, drank more beer, picked up (and hastily put down) many women are from Venus-type books, slurped down more brew ... and, amazingly, reached an answer.

COMMUNICATION

To get chicks, a guy needs to communicate — often by talking. Realizing this Herculean task would prove impossible for almost any gamer worth his gaming spurs, and tougher for those even more worthless, we beat our heads against this barrier for days (and sucked down more beer) until a glimmer of hope laser-burned its way through the hangover.

What if we simply played to our strengths? What if we're so good at gaming, it somehow triggers an "I want the alpha male" response in females? Heavy stuff. Before we could commit our theory to print, we knew it needed rigorous testing, experimentation, quantifiable results. Unfortunately, we have no scientific credibility whatsoever. But we've never let a lack of credibility stop us before.

TERMINOLOGY

Here's a quick primer of terminology used in our experiments ...

Chick = Girl = Babe = Woman = Lady = Female = The ones with the bumps who constantly perplex us

Game Guy = You = Horny = Geek-like = Perplexed = Everyone needs a little help sometimes

Game =Game

Theory = An unproven idea that's more than likely wrong

Hypothesis = An unproven idea that's more than likely wrong. Also, the side of a right-angled triangle opposite the right angle.

Postulate = Something you assume from the outset to be true, unproven and wrong pretty much by definition

PCXL = Horny = Geek-like = Perplexed = Everyone needs a little help — and we're here to give it

EXPERIMENT ONE: THE "INTERACTIVE ROMANCE"

SUMMARY

In an ongoing effort to bring males and females together via the arena of computer gaming, a number of new companies are creating "gender-friendly'" titles. DreamCatcher Interactive (http://www.dream-catchergames.com) has developed an interactive romantic adventure based on a true story. The Legend of Lotus Spring (set to release February 2000) has players of most major sexes participating in the story of a young emperor and the woman that he is forbidden to love. Described as a "whimsical, non-violent game," TLLS takes you to the Far East over 100 years ago, touching on cultural, as well as romantic and adventure elements. As a date-locating technique, the TLLS experiment was an abject failure, as evidenced by this Session Excerpt from a co-ed focus group:

SUBJECT ONE (female)

They should've gotten Fabio to be in this thing!

SUBJECT TWO (female)

I'd like to help with the "motion capture" for that!

SUBJECT ONE (female)

It's so whimsical and non-violent!

SUBJECT THREE (female)

Awwwww, look at that! There's a "virtual serenade."

SUBJECT FOUR (male)

Sweet Jesus, please let me die.

PLUSES

Subjects 1-3 enjoyed whimsical, non-violent gameplay; Subject 4 also experienced Culture and Sensitivity-Broadening elements, as per his previous plea bargain with the City and County of San Francisco, California. (His original offense involved animal shelter felines and "Black Cat" brand firecrackers, but we shan't elaborate on that story.)

MINUSES

Despite a sincere effort on Subject Four's part to share the cultural and romantic elements of the game, considerable friction erupted. Subjects 1-3 suggested a "Fore-Player HunkMatch" mode while Subject Four insisted the experience remain a "Single-Player Shooter." Alas, Subject Four did not survive the triple-strength Silent Treatment that ensued.

OVERALL SUCCESS RATING (OUT OF FIVE)

Minus One. Not only did the male subject fail to score, but he was repeatedly and needlessly reminded of his utter lack of resemblance to Fabio.

EXPERIMENT TWO: PLAYING HOUSE

THE SIMS

Frankly, everyone believes that The Sims, from software-as-living-toy masters Maxis, is going to be an absolutely cool game. If you didn't read last month's exposé (crawl out from under your rock), it's the "game of life" made real.

You develop characters, Sims as they're called, and guide, coddle, force, etc. them through various phases in life, searching for financial and marital success. You can end up a lazy, jobless, criminal (much like the PCXL editorial staff) or you can develop a thriving career, gain the respect of your peers and co-workers, and generally lead the sort of enviable life we'll never quite achieve.

Lightbulb flashin' over your noggin yet? That's right — this should be perfect for connecting with chicks! We had the same thought ... not surprisingly, we once again demonstrated our total lack of experience and knowledge of the female thought process.

We were deep into the experiment when we realized that playing The Sims with a cute lass is like eating the broccoli and skipping dessert. How so? The Sims is just so real when you play it with a chick. They actually try to do well with their characters and they want you to succeed too. By the time you're done, you're married, employed, saddled with children ... and you haven't even gotten a kiss off the girl (in real life).

PLUSES

If you're really hard up, The Sims is sort of like practice for relating to real flesh and blood females.

MINUSES

The Sims presents all the work with none of the perks. Perhaps the most telling test-result was this ... babes don't get weak-kneed around men who play house!

OVERALL SUCCESS RATING (OUT OF FIVE)

2.5 dollies — While the game initially got the attention of the female subjects and painted the male subject in a sensitive light, it eventually rendered the male subject more hard up than ever in "real life."

EXPERIMENT THREE: GIRLS THINK THEY CAN DRIVE

NASCAR LEGENDS & TEST DRIVE 6

Why did man invent the wheel? So he could invent cars. Why did he invent cars? So he could impress chicks, of course. The attempt to translate the theory that "chicks are impressed by car-savvy guys" into "chicks are impressed by car-GAME-savvy guys" began with Test Drive 6 from Infogrames —and an utter failure to "get her motor running." The following audio was recorded during a race through Rome:

GUY

Hey! Watch the curve coming up!

CHICK

Is there a map? I don't think this is the best route, we should stop and ask for directions. Isn't Father of the Bride on Channel 4 tonight?

CAR

[CRASHES]

The session was immediately scrubbed and re-started the next day using Nascar Legends. In addition to bitchin' graphics, the incredibly realistic races in Nascar Legends are on tracks — eliminating the whole map thing. Our male test subject was able to expound on the muscular virtues of a 1970 Plymouth and get veeeery groovy in his lingo.

GUY

This is so groovy.

CHICK

Did you just say the word "groovy"?

As the race intensified, Nascar Legends and the general grooviness seemed to be having the desired effect.

CHICK

Mmmmm, wish I could drive this with a joystick ...

Unfortunately, this test case proved inconclusive, because the friggin' puss — ahem — guy, made the fatal mistake of paying too much attention to the game and ignoring the girl. He allowed a full 37 seconds to elapse before responding to the joystick statement, sending several possible messages to the test chick:

A) He was not interested in any way whatsoever in helping her get her hands on a joystick.

B) He cared more about the game than he did about her.

C) He is a total lame-ass and is wasting oxygen that a real man could use to deliver a clever joy-stick retort.

Despite the excellence of Nascar Legends, this experiment resulted in the death-knell response:

CHICK

Isn't Father of the Bride on Channel 4 tonight?

OVERALL SUCCESS RATING (OUT OF FIVE)

Five joysticks for the game, three joysticks for the experience of actually playing this with a female, and an obvious and complete lack of a joystick on the part of the male test subject.

EXPERIMENT FOUR: CHANGING TACK

NOCTURNE

When G.O.D. opened the Spook-House doors and unleashed their deliciously ghastly Nocturne, little did they imagine the power they were placing in the hands of the would-be non-virginal male. A combination of "X-Files" chic and classic survival horror action, Nocturne will give you the tools to awaken your "little zombie" from the dead, but you can't expect G.O.D. to do all the work. Take a cue from the game's incredible atmosphere and transform your grotty little hovel into an environment suitable for jitters-induced romance. Lower the lighting ... candles would be a nice touch. Make sure your friend/room-mate/mom (oh, you sad little boy) won't pop in and burst your love-bubble at the climactic moment. Steal some grave stones and casually lay them about:

GIRL

Are those real grave stones?

YOU

Oh, these? They sure are.

GIRL

You're so cool, after we play a little bit of Nocturne, let's do some ... rubbings.

Don't talk during the game play if you can help it. Let the silence and tension build so that when a shambling horror suddenly lunges at her onscreen persona, she'll shriek. The effect is totally ruined, however, if you're the one who lets loose an effeminate shriek.

PLUSES

With proper set-up and execution, a "Nocturne Date" will deliver more sizzle than a dozen oysters. Even if you don't score, a night of blasting werewolves and zombies is a night well spent.

MINUSES

There's a definite gross out factor at work here. When ghouls overwhelm your date and feast on her twitching on-screen corpse, she may be more inclined to vomit than make out with you. On the other hand, you can turn this negative to your advantage by slapping a hand over the offending image and intoning in your best movie hero voice, "This isn't something you want to see."

OVERALL SUCCESS RATING (OUT OF FIVE)

Four Severed Zombie arms. Good for you!

EXPERIMENT FIVE: SAVE ME HERO!

THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT

Admittedly an unlikely candidate for Date Movie of the Year, The Blair Witch Project — the overhyped no-budget, shake-cam, low-grade-video epitaph for three missing-and-presumed-screwed filmmakers — yielded the highest results in terms of female subjects exposed versus female subjects, ah, exposed. Throughout the course of the film, the three actors lose their bearings. hurl profanities at each other, and eventually meet an enigmatic but doubtless unpleasant end.

Of course, the game version of this, utilizing the Nocturne engine, is in the works and will be published by G.O.D. A clingy female, the DVD, followed by the game… what kind of loser would you have to be screw up this opportunity for a terror induced tryst? Now where the f —k is the map?

PLUSES

The overwhelming majority of female subjects tested responded positively. often sporadically clinging to the males next to them during, and in most cases after, the film. At least two left the theater with the stated intention of staying with the males that evening. Of course, at least a quarter of the male subjects also clutched the males next to them at least once during the film. There are, ah, other magazines that will deal with those test results.

MINUSES

A very. very slim but noteworthy percentage (about 8%) of otherwise-sensitive female subjects found the film's terror element utterly ineffective —thereby degrading the relative status of the participating males (who thought the film was scary) to that of instant, shriveled Weenie. “This is so not cool, Josh!”

OVERALL SUCCESS RATING (OUT OF FIVE)

Five wood-stick-figure-thingies. Heh, heh, heh — we said "wood."

WHAT WE LEARNED

Of course, much of our experimentation assumed the herculean task of getting the girl into your "love nest” in the first place. If you can manage that, then it's best to keep your passion for gaming a secret (until you've bagged her).

Going the route of using horror to terrify a “victim”' to your arms is more fraught with problems (not to mention issues of legality). So get them in to your life in whatever way you can, then you can use the tips and game styles we've investigated to ensure that you can still spend time at your PC and keep the girlfriend happy (a tough mix — trust us).

What could possibly be better than a lovely co-operative Diablo adventure, a Worms: Armageddon face-off, or living out your virtual lives together in Everquest or Asheron's Call?

Remember though, that the real fun and frolics needs to be done in the real world, not online. There are probably laws against that kind of thing.

EXPERIMENT SIX: LET’S GET LITERARY

SALEM'S LOT

This technique was developed outside our offices but captured on videotape. It's so diabolical, so shameless, that we hesitate to even report it. But we will anyway.

The Diabolical Test Subject (DTS for short) had candles lit, Courvoisier at the ready, and was seated with a girl (GIRL for short) on a couch. Further still, he was, brace yourselves, talking to her. In the midst of our shock we realized that he was reading.

It took us two minutes to determine what tome of romantic lore he was reciting ... it was Salem's Lot, by Stephen King.

You may be saying "So what? I'm a gamer, not a librarian.” Or perhaps you've seen the 1970s made-for-TV movie “Salem's Lot" starring Starsky (or was it Hutch?) Well, pay attention Love Master ... by borrowing someone else's words you'll seem smart. By displaying no fear (even during the graveyard scene with little Danny Glick) you'll seem more manly. But above all else, by reading, you will appear to be communicating.

At press time we hadn't managed to work out whether Blue Byte's new Stephen King-based release F13 will induce the same terror effect as Salem's Lot. It does feature a new story from the currently rehabilitating horror-meister and desktop themes and screensavers, etc. for fan boys. Fan-girls are fewer, but never turn to their touchy-feely drivel as a substitute.

TIFFANYSDOMAIN.COM

Do you know why we love Tiffany so much? (If you've seen her pictures here and you don't know, you've got bigger problems than we thought). We love her because she's on Playboy's new video "Wildwebgirls.com"

And we love her because she's on the Playboy Channel's "Night Calls." She also has her very own website that we've been spending an inordinate amount of time “researching” for this feature ... tiffanysdomain.com.

If, after reading this little bit of prose, you still remain chickless, you can see a whole lot more of Tiffany (and a wagon-load of other babes who have problems staying dressed) on "Wildwebgirls.com”... or checkout www.playboy.com for all the steamy details.

Thanks Tiffany!

[exolgravity]

Let me share some thoughts about the ending of 'Start Up' and the preview of episode 15:

I believe it was HJP who said Dalmi to look for Dosan at any cost, that's why she followed him to that dark place in the mountains. I believe he said it as the advice he previously didn't want to give her in the car, because he was too involved. But as he knows how to separate business and personal feelings as he did with Yongsan conversation, he probably said to Dalmi to not give up so easily and as a CEO she needed to keep trying and have the best workers for her company.

I also think that HJP is giving the plant to Dosan to force him take some serious attitude towards Dalmi or he is gonna throw it away. That's why there's that scene hint where he says to Dosan to not feel inferior to him. Maybe he used the plant to get rid of his feeling coz he knows Dalmi still likes Dosan.

The 'sail without a map' scene is another hint about Dalmi's choice. HJP is a business man, an investor, he doesn't take risks so easily, he plans and calculates everything coz he knows how much he can lose by doing a wrong choice. When Dalmi wrote that letter talking about the sailing without a map she was talking about once in a life, about a special day when you don't want to follow a plan, when you are so desperate that you just want to be all wet by the rain, but she does know how plans are important. Probably Dosan is using this quote as his motto life, what means he didn't find his dream yet. He is constantly lost and following the path of life without thinking too much. Any decision he took wasn't totally his decision: Go to San Francisco, break up with Dalmi, tell the truth to Dalmi, come back to Korea... He was kinda following other people choices. And this can be dangerous, even for a relationship. Maybe Dalmi likes his lost puppy way, but she is a very realistic person, she knows that plans are necessary.

There are some hints that we should consider: 1. When Dalmi said she doesn't regret any choice she makes when she chose HJP as the mentor was really symbolic, 2. When HJP is drinking and talking to that lady in ep 10, he says he had regretted confessing his feelings for Dalmi and then, she answered that he shouldn't be regretful because he would feel the same if he hadn't told anything and now he still has a chance to get a win, 3. Youngsil never misses a predict about HJP and the last one was about he stopping to be scared and swing his bat, coz or he will miss the ball or he will make a home run. In baseball a home run is not that easy and simple thing to do and the one able to make it can change the whole game. 4. All the probability numbers said by Dosan's mother is also meaningful, coz the first time she said it, it was about Dalmi liking him or not during his birthday. But even though Dalmi actually liked him, she broke up with him. Now she said the probability is 100% if they come back together, but it will be too obvious for the drama keep saying its resolution so early. The scene of the mother saying this was an epilogue what it means an important thing to the viewer observe.

There's still all the family drama to solve. Even though Dalmi's mom and grandma are living together, there is still an issue between Dalmi and Injae. They have been working together for 3 years, but I feel their relationship as sisters haven't improved that much. I think they still have to talk about the choices they did in the past, forgive each other and understand that family choices and professional success are not necessarily connected. I do hope they solve this issue, coz it was a very important thing since episode 1.

Even though it seems DoDal couple is endgame, I wouldn't take it for granted so easily. The drama kept holding the love triangle till now so it means there's a choice to be done yet. They also need to think about the consequences of each choice they make, coz if DoDal is actually endgame, how is gonna be HJP ending with the family? He will not be able to be with the family as he was before. And if, for some reason, Dalmi choses HJP in the end, what's gonna happen to Dosan? That boy has a lot of things to solve in his mind too. He has been living this imposter life for too long, and got worst when he started to be a real imposter by becoming the Dosan of the letters.

This drama has a lot, a lot of plot holes that need to be filled in the last 2 episodes. I don't know if it's gonna be enough, so that's why I'm not waiting that much. But reflecting about TvN/Netflix dramas and the other dramas of Start Up's writer... I tend to believe there's more to come. I don't think it's gonna be that easy, that simple, and maybe that's why they are holding this love triangle for so long. If the ending proves to be that simple, it's gonna be a very weak screenplay indeed. I've been seeing some comments that they have been changing the end for 3 times already. I don't know if this is true coz they have already finished the shooting. And I don't know if the writer are so afraid of public reaction, it's not like it's her first time writing a drama. They chose to follow a path since the beginning, and any choice Dalmi makes in the end, the whole narrative will sustein it somehow.

I confess that after espisode 14 I was a bit frustrated as a HJP stan. But I know how to lose, and I'll have to accept any Dalmi's decision. I'm just rooting for HJP's happiness at all cost. But after seeing some comments, I started to reflect about all these plot holes, and found out there are still things to happen. I'm not taking any for granted anymore and I'm very curious about how they are gonna end this show, if in the easy or complex way. After this, I hope we find peace in dramaland again because these two ships are driving everyone crazy. 😊

[konpithepuppy]

[TRANSLATION: WiNK UP 06.2021]

7 MEN SAMURAI

Proofread by aji10647731 (Twitter)/ @janiappend

Scans not mine

Neither an English nor a Japanese native speaker

Feel free to correct me, thanks

Image!!

For this month, they chose English words that they think fit with each other, and they stick to each other those words written in sticky notes! They were asked to choose only one English word that fits them the most. The theme of the talk is 「image」.

Taiki Konno

[My Image]

A flashy guy (LOL). But, I've been told that I'm a flashy guy since I was in elementary, but I don't think being called flashy from since I was young meant anything bad. That's why I am totally okay with it. Also, I am being told that I am carrying out the traditional Johnny's style but I am happy about that. My image when 7 MEN~ performs as a band is probably "the guy who doesn't move much" (LOL). Since Yabana is the type who really moves a lot, in comparison with him, it makes me think if it's okay for me to just stay still (LOL).

[7 MEN 侍's Image]

I think our image as a band is strong, but for us personally, we like to push both band and dance with the same amount of passion. We want to sparkle as idols when we dance, and we want to show more wildness during our band performance. I think to be able to enjoy those 2 patterns is the most interesting.

Rinne Sugeta

[My Image]

I am often being told me that I leave marks on the shows I appeared in, I think that's my image. For example, I cleared the first stage in 「SASUKE」, and I got the correct answer alone and got the prize money in 「QUIZ! ONLY 1」. But for Rinne, more than being conscious of leaving the mark, Rinne just work and play hard. But, since I want to play the game seriously, so even in YouTube filmings, I don't make thing funny and seriously do my best. That's why I don't know how I look like to everyone but I think I am very competitive. (T/N: lit. "I hate losing")

[7 MEN 侍's Image]

We are not Johnny's idols-like (LOL). Both in positive and negative way, this is 7 MEN~. Isn't it a difficult spot? I think because we are in Johnny's, it is better to be idols-like, but I think having a sense of familiarity with the fans is a good thing too. Moreover, I think we can easily do the weird things that the 100% idol-like cannot do in variety shows. That's why, I want for 7 MEN~ to try things without having NG (LOL).

Reia Nakamura

[My Image]

Typically, I think I have a strong idol image, but for the fans who know me well, I think they know my dark side (LOL). It's not like I have hidden it until now,  but when we started doing YouTube videos, that dark side gradually became evident (LOL). I think it's just that I am aware of being an idol, so I turn on the switch of my idol side. When I switch to my idol side, even though something happens in my private life, it makes me to not drag it to work, so I think that makes me work easily. I'm the type of can't be myself when I stand on stage. But, when we play the band, I am relatively close to my natural self.

[7 MEN 侍's Image]

I think this one too has generally a strong impression of guys who are just fooling around (LOL). That's not wrong but I think the fans who know 7 MEN  侍 well also knows the serious side of our group. That's why, those who have only watched us in YouTube, I want them to  come watch our live too by all means!

Taiko Sasaki

[My Image]

Isn't it an idiot (LOL)? Since I do things that an idol would not normally do in YouTube. But it feels more comfortable for me to be seen that way. I have always been the type who doesn't want to pretend to be someone else. In that sense, I don't pretend to be someone else on stage, well, it's not that I am no different from my usual self. Since usually, I am really gloomy and walk while facing down (LOL). It's just that, I am not thinking of anything when I am dancing or playing the band, so the face I show during performances is also a side of me.

[7 MEN 侍's Image]

We give a feeling of Johnny's mavericks, but we personally don't think we are mavericks. We just do things that we want to do. 7 MEN~ is a group who can both dance and play a band, and since they're both fun to do, so we are not pushing ourselves too much. On the contrary, we might feel stressed if we narrow down to either just dancing or playing a band (LOL).

Katsuki Motodaka

[My Image]

A guy who always eats! Fish! I think these two are my images (LOL). Also, since those images are correct, I don't feel uncomfortable about my image. It's just that, I don't know what others think of my character because I feel like my image now is appearing in quiz shows too strong. But I really want to appeal as being a foodie. Since I am interested in food, I want to do a lot of gourmet report jobs like Ishizuka Hidehiko-san. I have a confidence that I'll be a good gourmet reporter if I study on how to do a good food report.

[7 MEN 侍's Image]

We are often told that we are mavericks. But, I, Reia, and Rinne, if anything, are traditionals. That's why, I don't think we are a maverick group. However, when you think of 7 MEN 侍 as a group, including the things that the group wants to do, you can see the group being mavericks and understand why the group is being called mavericks. It would be nice to have our own individuality among different groups. That's why, I am thinking that I want to push forward with our group's current direction.

Rei Yabana

[My Image]

Maybe my real image is different from what people perceive. Somehow I am perceived as a much better person than I really am. I think the influence of me using honorific language to the members in platforms like YouTube is big, but it's not like I use honorific language to anyone. Since Reia-kun is a senpai, so I can't just get rid of the habit of using honorific language with him from the first we met. But I don't think of using honorifics with Reia anymore. That's why, being perceived like a character who uses honorific language makes it like there's another me and it is making me uneasy (LOL). The real me is not that good, that's why I would like if people won't raise the hurdle (LOL).

[7 MEN 侍's Image]

A group who both does dance performances and band performances. That's the common ground of the 6 of us, so I can say that with all my heart. It's just that we still have not established 7 MEN's~ music. Particularly, in relation to being a band, it hasn't been long since we changed our instruments, and realistically, there are also difficult situations. That's why, to establish our identity as a band is our aim henceforth.

[daltonsden]

So, a couple things.

I think there may be a few things worth addressing because this has just spiraled into something that does not remotely resemble reality anymore. This is likely to be my last lioden-related interaction on here for a long time. I apologize for the novel.

First of all, any of the things, which I am still confused about what all you folks are going on about, has not happened in the Breed Only Beauties discord server. I don't understand what exactly these anons would prefer for me to do. I can't ban individuals based on alleged actions outside of my server, that doesn't seem logical or right to me. I can’t moderate actions outside of my server. If something happens in the in the server, create a ticket. I am not psychic and can not address things I am not made aware about. Everything that we are made aware of is addressed promptly.

Second, there's a ticket system in the Breed Only Beauties discord server which will connect you immediately with the admins and has an average response time of about a minute. So to say admins/moderators aren't doing anything is simply not based in reality. Many users have received warnings and have adjusted their behavior. You can also typically get an instant response you if DM any of them directly. Helpers, by the way, can not see tickets. If you are curious what most tickets are about, it’s failure to use trigger warnings. Well, actually most tickets are people testing the ticket system (please do not do this), but that doesn't really count. If you need something in the sever, create a ticket if it is actual issue in the server. For everything else, create a Tumblr post apparently.

Some, well at least one person, has complained about the choice of Aggy. I will not be demoting Aggy from the helper position. I am unaware of the alleged actions of Aggy that would warrant this (besides of course the favorite crime of guilt by association), and Aggy was chosen as a helper due to merit. They have exhibited nothing that would contradict this initial assessment, and has been doing an excellent job. If you have an issue with Aggy and believe you have evidence of why they should not be a helper, please create a ticket in the server or DM me. I am always open to being proven wrong.

Fourth, no I will not arbitrarily kick an individual because you do not like them or do not get along with them. This applies to people on "both sides". They will have to break the rules either severely enough, or enough times to be kicked. You not liking them is not an appropriate reason to have someone banned from the server. Pretty much everyone has been and will be given a chance in this server, even if I get DMs from people bemoaning their entry. So no, everyone, I will not be kicking someone because they are a clown gang, I will not be kicking someone because they are friends of Jax, I will not be kicking someone because you think they may be the user that bought out your mispriced trade last year or kinged a lion similar to yours. None of these are valid reasons. If you have a valid reason, please create a ticket or DM me. We will instantly kick users who underage, who engage in clear-intent scams, steal art, or engage in any activity that would result in a ban from Lioden.

Unfortunately, I can not dedicate my entire life to volunteer to watch every channel in a pet sim server for a small community. Realistically, this is not even dependent on my mother's condition. I just humanly can't do that, because sleep is a thing, and nor would I want to. I don't even want to spend most of my free time doing it. If you see something, report via the ticket system. As much as the salt blogs care to insinuate, I do not bear the weight of responsibility of the actions of individuals who sometimes chat in a server I set up for everyone to enjoy. I am not these people’s parent, nor can I control any individual’s actions. Also, if I were to chose to leave the server be and let the weeds grow wild, that would not make me a “bitch” as one anon so eloquently put it. Anon, you are not entitled to the volunteered time I put into building a little community for Bob. Everything I, the admins, and the helpers, put in is volunteered and not at all a given, or requirement. If I can not drop everything in a moment’s notice to service a voluntarily run discord, that does not make me a “bitch”. It is not, and will never be, my sole or number one responsibility in life. It’s a game. And to insinuate that I am somehow less than or a bad person for not being able to manage the server 100% of the time is unreasonable and cruel. Look, I’m only human. And the users chatting in Bob are only human. And there's going to be squabbles, and people are going to complain about stuff, and not always get along, and that’s okay, because that's part of being human. But I’m not always going to be online to catch it, so please use the ticket system.

Also, on to the anonymous user who posted and the salt blog who permitted this comment,” hey fun fact anon, i'm aware she's dealing with her sick mother but that doesn't excuse the terrible moderation. if she told her mods to step up or do something, they could do something so she could do what she needed to do. she's a bitch, and terrible owner. she has the power to do stuff, but does nothing.” What is wrong with you? How on earth does this progress anything, and why was this permitted to be shared? I understand everyone enjoys salt, and everyone is stressed due to the global circumstances stances right now, but moderators and posters please keep in mind there is a human on the other end of the keyboard, and thanks to the 2020 energy I think everyone is going through something. I have my mother's situation, but everyone has something right now. I have an open DM policy with players in and out of my discord, where if you have anything you need to talk about I can always provide a safe and confidential place to talk, and many, many users have come to me upset about even just the tiniest thing shared on these blogs. These words and comments genuinely hurt people, and it doesn’t take needlessly calling someone a “bitch” because they can not dedicate their life to moderating a discord server to do that. You can hurt people with much less. This request is to everyone, including individuals in the Bob discord server. I don't think anyone deserves to be just berated or cussed out needlessly by anonymous randos, not myself, not Roxanne, not Jax, not the clown gang, not Noluck, not BO breeders, not applicator lovers, not the Lioden staff. All these individuals are people who are just doing the best they can right now, I'm sure. Even Roxanne and Jax are nice, normal and understanding people if you talk to them one on one.

Yes, my mother is dying from liver failure caused by cancer. It is an awful and ugly death, especially for someone who is far before her time. Her medication to manage the pain and rising liver toxicity she is has made her very not herself, though we are finding a better combination. There are still some good days ahead I hope. She is combative, physically and verbally, and can not physically do most basic actions herself. She keeps fighting us to go back to chemo, even though it did nothing to help the tumors and would just quicken demise. It breaks my heart because I know she just wants to live and wants to fight it, but she is going to die where she lays. I just really hope I get to have a fully aware conversation with her before she passes, and that she knows I love her so much despite me being a bit of a hellion in my teens. I think it would be hard to watch if I was an observer, unfortunately I am active participant.

On the matter of me deleting things that violate our rules in server. The alternative would to be leaving up things that violate our rules, which would be the same as deeming it acceptable. This is just the strangest complaint I've seen on here. If there was a delete, someone is essentially being spoken to/receiving a strike/ECT. According to Tumblr, I'm quite the paradox, apparently, I somehow both manage to completely disregard the server while still managing to delete stuff every time insert your favorite salt blog character here does anything. Congratulations Bob, you got yourself a girl that can do both.

At the end of the day, the Bob server is a pretty mundane lioden server. If you don't like breed only marks/bases, it’s probably pretty boring. It’s really nothing like how it’s portrayed here. If it’s toxic then my vocabulary is far too limited to describe the anonymous culture on platform you’re reading this on. Usually I would suggest joining us and checking it out, but after watching the last 48 hours on Tumblr, I think I’m likely aquantited with enough users from this platform for now. If anyone is still reading, thank you for your time, I'm appreciative of it. Writing this really helped my headspace regarding the community. I should have never read the blogs to be honest, so some of this does fall on my shoulders. I won't likely answer questions, I apologise in advance. I still love you all, and I know this is just a tiny fraction of the Lioden community, but today it just feels incredibly bad.

[arkt-nehrim-archive]

For the asking thing: Thoughts on Lexil Merrayil? :3

I adore Lexil.  He’s -brilliant-, and he felt very genuine to me compared to other characters. He was always happy to see us, -thankful- that we came back in one piece, and sets himself up to be trying as hard as you are even while not giving himself the credit of -honestly carrying nearly this whole thing himself-. I really feel like more could’ve/should’ve been done with him. And I don’t just mean for like, content that could’ve been added in Forgotten Stories, I mean from a -total- narrative sense too. This might get lengthy. And also spoilers, so many spoilers.

  The Star City, for example.  Lexil clearly showed interest and ability in being able to go along for that trip, but instead his mentor/mother figure Yaela gets shoe-horned in as a random expert in Starlings, when if -she mentored him-, Lexil could’ve have just as easily been.  “Didn’t he need to stay to work on the Beacon?”  Development on the Beacon was at a stand-still at the time, he would’ve been free to go on the trip with you. Cue actually getting to speak to him on the ship, and the opportunity for a romance dialogue -if- there had been one as an option for him (providing us tall ass Aeterna players with a not borked cute scene).  Carrying forward into the journey where -he- would’ve figured out the everything, with -all- the relevant data running amok in his head since he’s basically been doing 90% of the work here and it -could’ve- been a stressful thing. Not this “GASP! I FIGURED IT OUT!  -barfs exposition out of nowhere coming to conclusions for the sake of plot convenience over it actually making any sense to magically know these things off of some pictures that could definitely be interpreted in like 20 different ways-”.  Lexil, you, and Jespar/Calia could’ve spent that 12 hour window to explore and get back to the ship smacking your collective heads against the wall to figure this out, having another moment that Enderal prizes so much to truly -discuss- and potentially argue your points, before Lexil (after hearing all the counsel) could more -realistically- come to the conclusions that Yaela came to.  Oh no!  The big dragon boss reeeee!   Now there’s a character defining scary moment where you can CHOOSE to either leave Lexil behind to hold the line while you escape -OR-, if you got the chops for it, -fight the lvl 100 Steel Dragon- with your best pal Lexil, getting to finally show him in -combat- for once, paired up with your choice of bestie. “But wait, if we chose to let Lexil die, how would we finish the Beacon-”  YAELA! Who could be JUST as sad about losing her basically adoptive son to Tealor’s magical adventure quest to be famous save the world, and -she- could finish the Beacon. Or Yuslan could, I mean he contributes quite a lot too, especially when we hit snags. Oooor, we beat the boss and Lexil is proven a total badass that we -all know him to be-. But wait then why would they have any reason to flee in the drop pods?  Easy!  The steel beast still destroyed the ship and there’s no other way down, plus the alarms are still in play at that point (thanks Kurmai), so it’s not like it isn’t still dangerous to be there. It could’ve given him -such- a deeper role to play even if that was the only quest we got to really -do- with him out in the field.  Alas~  Such is only the dreamy realm of headcanon. Before I stop, I want to add in that Lexil had an effect on me that’s -never- happened in a videogame, ever.  And that was at the -end-.  Already striking was just -seeing- the Cleansing happening, but it’ll be forever burned into my memory seeing that subtitle at the bottom of my screen, “Lexil Merrayil: -wheeze-” I whirled my camera around trying to find him, and by some awful luck, he was -centered- in my camera in such a way that took my damn breath away. He looked like he might’ve been running for the very place I was going, before he collapsed. Took the few steps needed to get closer to him, in which I saw just how awful he looked; the shivering I remember the most.  It froze me solid, I just couldn’t -do- anything for -minutes- while the Beacon roared in the backround and that heart-wrenching music played, and somehow, for whatever reason, -all- of my failures and triumphs up to this moment in the game did not feel like -this-.  I felt awful that I didn’t even -know- a healing spell, in the off chance that would help. I couldn’t bring myself to try to put him out of his misery, despite the obvious terrible pain he was in.  I don’t honestly remember what happened after, at some point I had to have moved, because I finished the game.  But I legit barely recollect between waiting there with Lexil aaand waking up in the Star City for the Brave New World ending, it’s all a haze. Maybe it was the fact of anybody I’d encountered, he well and truly -did not deserve this-. It made me wonder what sort of writer would -want- to write that. And y’know, some people think that helplessness expressed in their stories is provocative and -good-; and for some it -is-.  For me it’s...overdone and unnecessary, as its so often accompanying other tragic circumstances that are already bad enough on their own.  Lexil’s situation was obviously no different, I mean. The Cleansing and all that. Yes, some writers desire to load their stories up with grimdark awfulness, that’s tragedy as a genre in a nutshell, some kind of reminder of “real life” where bad things happen and you can’t do anything about it.  Buuut... Lexil was a bit much in a game with several other prior character deaths, one of which is a -suicide-, another a -child-. There’s a point when it is -too much-, even for a tale of that genre, -especially- in a conclusion that just ends in -everyone- dying. Lexil’s fate required such a disconnect that I don’t really remember the end, as I said, and I still haven’t been able to go back and play again, because everytime I see that Beacon at the beginning, I think of Lexil and the fate that awaits him and me; it puts this firm -stop- into it that questions what about another trip through could possibly be worth it when -that- is the end? And it -sucks-, because Enderal is such a fun game! I genuinely -loved- it, up until that. It’s one of the greatest games I’ve ever played, but man... Lexil.   How’s the saying go?  Straw that broke the camel’s back?  Maybe one day I’ll manage to play again, but so far I never make it past that first meet with Jespar.

Huuh. Wow, that got long winded.  So uhm, to answer the question.  Lexil Merrayil left quite an impression. He’s very special to me; if not just for being a solid, under appreciated character, than for the emotions he invoked. I really wish he got a better hand dealt to him, but, alas.

@cat-with-a-keyboard   Thank you!  Apologies for the feels trip! 

[natsumiheart]

im asking this out of genuine curiosity, and not to be rude or anything- could you explain what there is to like about oumasai, to someone who really doesnt like it? i played the whole game, free times and bonus modes included, and i dont get it. most posts about reasons to ship it are aimed at people who already like the ship, so they just dont make sense to me. i hope this wasnt too rudely phrased, and thank you in advance for your time

Oh no don’t worry about it! You were completely respectful, and I’m really touched you’d come to me about this! ;; I think you don’t need to force yourself to ship something you don’t get, your feelings are very valid and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! But honestly it’s so awesome how you’re open to hearing reasons from their fans instead of painting them all in a bad light like what a lot of people in the dr fandom usually do.

I actually have a couple posts where I rant about Saiouma so to list everything this will take forever XD 

I made a 100 reasons post which you can find here, it’s just me fangirling so you don’t have to read the full thing but the most important points are numbers 22 and 100.

22. In chapter 4 Kokichi referred to Shuichi with the phrase “Suki ni natta hito” “the person I fell in love with” while alone. and it’s not even a bonus scene or event, the line is 100% canon and the player will come across it no matter what.

100. Their relationship is very realistic, it is focused on how two characters try their best to understand each other, how even someone like Kokichi can come to trust in someone and want someone to trust in him, how he wants that someone to be able to understand him. Kokichi went from being interested in Shuichi to falling in love with him (literally referring to him as the person he fell in love with, using the same phrase that Maki says to Kaito later on), in a freaking killing game. he forced himself to cut their ties and died thinking the only person he cared about hated him. while Shuichi started off interested but wary of Kokichi, tried reaching out to him but failed due to Kokichi pushing him away, to getting mad from him for making Gonta a murderer and trash talking Kaito when he seemed in a really bad condition (after getting punched by Kokichi too) to hitting cold hard realization to what Kokichi has been trying to do the whole game after his death. and then appreciating his help, using the clues he left behind for him, clearing his name, calling him a friend, and grieving his death with the rest of his friends who died in the killing game. He then uses everything Kokichi gave to him and taught him, ends up understanding Kokichi and his lies, and uses the tactic he taught him where he said “sometimes you win a game by not playing it” to end danganronpa. then you’re left wondering how things could’ve been different if Shuichi didn’t already have so much on his back and tried harder to reach out to Kokichi. you start wondering what could’ve happened if Kokichi didn’t push him away, you start thinking about all these possibilities. and then salmon team comes along and wraps everything up with a ribbon. putting direct throwbacks to what happened in the killing game and the free time events, Kokichi BEING the one to reach out to Shuichi, asking him to stay by his side. Their relationship is like one huge arc that starts the moment they met to their graduation in salmon team, and it leaves you with the fact that after they graduate they will stay together and learn more about each other, just like both of them wanted but couldn’t do in the killing game. if this isn’t a beautiful realistic relationship, I don’t know what is. Honestly, everything about this ship is so very beautiful, and I will support it with my life.

About point number 22, a lot of people deny that Kokichi’s feelings even exist that’s why I ranted about it once in a post that you can find here!

I answered this ask about it being technically one sided in the main game, because the main story is just the worst outcome for their relationship in my opinion (due to Kokichi’s plan having Shuichi hate him after chapter 4, ouch) but Kokichi’s feelings are shown to be reciprocated in Salmon team.

Then there’s this ask where I just summarised all my favorite things about the ship XD

I’m not saying that everyone who supports the ship has a bunch of deep reasons, some might just ship it cause it’s cute, and some might just like the fanon pregame version of the ship only because it has a totally different dynamic. But this is just the case for me because not only have I been questioned my feelings for this ship multiple times, but I went from actively disliking it at first to having it as my otp! (Which led me to even questioning myself multiple times, why did I got from dislike to like?) As I played the game I just kept noticing things, it probably all started after Kokichi’s “I stole Saihara-chan’s heart so I don’t need to take his life anymore.” and then solidified after Kokichi saw a detective Shuichi chasing after him in the love hotel scene, and the “Man I fell in love with.” line in chapter 4, and then the entirety of Kokichi’s Salmon team route.

The main story had such a tragic outcome for their relationship, but in another reality where Kokichi didn’t have to make everyone hate him including Shuichi, where he didn’t have to die being hated by everyone, and where Shuichi didn’t have to discover his true intentions after Kokichi was dead and consider him a friend again after he was gone. They really could have the wholesomest relationship as friends or more! And many amazing well-written fanfictions I read really shows it ;;

They just complete each other, at least that’s just how I see it XD I love them so much to the point I’ve been shipping them for two years now and it’s still going strong, amazing writing like this really hooks me, they have so much potential that you can’t stop thinking about all the what if scenarios. To me I love their relationship even if it was just platonic, I just love seeing them interact.

Still I totally understand that not everyone will see their relationship the same way as I do! These two are just two characters that I’ve analysed to death and liked their dynamic. And I think it’s totally alright to ship them with other characters (Shuichi is so shippable istg), but when I see people attacking their fans and calling their ship one sided or unhealthy it seriously ruins my day considering all that has happened to me before, and how it’s blatantly not true. It’s not true to the point I ranted multiple times about it in those essays-

But yea this on top of all those essays pretty much summarises why I ended up shipping them, they have this dynamic where they can make each other develop as a person, and at the same understand each other’s problems and the anxiety of how they look like in other people’s eyes. They have so much angst and the same time so much fluff, and I think many people who are into the yin yang *together we balance each other* dynamic will really have fun shipping them! Hope this somehow showed what I saw in them!

[ineffable-endearments]

Hey! The same anon that asked about the lockdown timeline yesterday here. Thank you so much for replying! I can heavily relate to wanting things to make sense and fit so i guess that's why I reached out with that question in the first place. Anyways I thought I'd tell you I thought about it some more and I think that Aziraphale talking about Crowley's job and Crowley saying he knows he should be making people's lives worse is just their usual double-layered way of talking with each other. 1/2

Kinda like "visiting me would be breaking the rules, isn't it What You Do?" "I mean I could but it's gonna take a clearer invitation for me to agree". And I guess Aziraphale's final "that would be breaking the rules" can be read as sincere, but I can imagine him just putting up his usual show. Only it seems Crowley wants something more genuine now... anyways thanks for putting up with me, sometimes my head won't let me rest until I've discussed something with someone else. So thank you so much!!

Hallo again Anon!

I feel I should preface this by reiterating that I know the video most likely wasn’t intended to be looked at this closely from a continuity perspective and it’s probably just a cute PSA about how you shouldn’t leave your house, but I’m sort of enjoying myself right now.

As a matter of fact, the notion you just laid out was my first interpretation of the video. Like it didn’t even occur to me that perhaps Aziraphale was not actively trying to get Crowley to come over until much later. He was so much more forward in this video than he usually is in the series that I just immediately went “YUP that’s what’s happening.” It wasn’t until Crowley said “Goodnight, angel” that I became unsure how to read the situation (more on that later).

Putting a read more because this got long.

After a lot of analyzing, I can see other perspectives too. The main one that made sense to me was the notion that Aziraphale would have realized, belatedly, he was not ready to be locked down together with Crowley and that’s why he sounded so panicky. Or that perhaps he thought Crowley was going to come visit but didn’t realize he was going to be angling for a sleepover.

I dunno, guys. I just really think that Aziraphale’s line of questioning in the beginning involved a desire to push Crowley toward Soho. That’s how they’ve been communicating for thousands of years. If I accept his call entirely at face value, then I sort of have to accept the idea that maybe all of Aziraphale’s apparent “hinting” behavior has been totally guileless with no ulterior motive, which in turn would mean his entire stint in the Arrangement has been just him being pushed along by Crowley rather than quietly reciprocating. And I don’t think that’s the point of their relationship. I much prefer the notion that this secret code is how they’ve always operated and it’s still in play, though they’re starting, slowly, to unlearn it, or at least relax it.

I can’t speak for anyone, but I suspect people don’t like the idea of Aziraphale being nudgy and indirect or Crowley being a bit unsatisfied with this approach because they interpret it as unhealthy or manipulative for one or both of them. But the thing is, double-speak has been a survival mechanism for them for so long that it’s fairly well ingrained, and it is also entirely consensual. And a bit of temporary discontentment is sort of part of the process, isn’t it, when you’re negotiating new boundaries in a relationship? I don’t necessarily hold them 100% to realistic human psychological standards, because they aren’t real and they aren’t human, but if their relationship is a story, then the occasional disagreement is a necessary challenge that will eventually bring them to the next exciting chapter.

Anyway, as far as my Aziraphale interpretation, I’m caught between “he was angling for Crowley to come visit the whole time all the way to the end and is going to call back in 3 minutes” and “he was opening up an invitation for Crowley to come over but got all freaked out when Crowley suggested effectively moving in together.” Of those, I lean toward the second because he does sound genuinely nervous. However, he obviously thought about it, if you listen to his vocal cues. 

Now, for Crowley. First of all, how *very dare* David Tennant come for my life with the tenderness of “Goodnight, angel.” This line is positively dripping with affection. Crowley’s not leaving in a huff, he’s not leaving off on an angry note. However, I don’t think he’s totally content, either. Note the sigh when Aziraphale says “it would be breaking all the rules” and the slightly weary tone when Crowley says “I’m setting my alarm for July.” He’s not trying to push Aziraphale into anything, but he does rather wish he’d gotten a different answer. Sleeping the lockdown away is likely the healthiest way he can think of to deal with this minor disappointment; he won’t go nuts being bored and lonely, and he won’t have the urge to wheedle Aziraphale.

Now if Crowley wasn’t happy with “no” for an answer, why wouldn’t he play the game they’ve always played? Find an excuse to go out and end up in Soho? There are three reasons and I think they’re all true:

This pattern of having to convince Aziraphale about everything has to relax now that it’s not part of the survival dance. Everyone knows this.

However, Aziraphale has always needed the structure of rules. Crowley doesn’t give a fuck about Heaven’s rules and he knows that Aziraphale often wants to get around them, too, but Aziraphale needs to be reminded over and over that Crowley can respect Aziraphale’s personal rules, however arbitrary they may seem, and not try to change his mind.

Finally, I think Crowley doesn’t want to play this game because...lockdown isn’t a rule that he particularly thinks needs breaking? Crowley takes great pleasure in breaking rules in ways that show how silly they are, and he takes great pleasure in pranks that challenge humans, and of course he does things to spite Heaven just because of who he is and what Heaven is. But, as we established early in the short, Crowley actually does not want to worsen this situation, or do anything that would represent worsening it in his own head. He wouldn’t have the gleeful thrill of a well-broken rule, he’d just...be either slinking around in secret or essentially gloating about being occult.

For Aziraphale, Crowley will sneak around and break the rules. But if Aziraphale is also uncomfortable with the idea, for literally any reason, Crowley will let the rules stand this time.

TL;DR In my interpretation, Aziraphale called Crowley hoping that they could meet up somehow, but panicked on realizing Crowley would totally do it, partly because Crowley suggested the massive change of practically moving in together and partly because Aziraphale does care about rules. Meanwhile, Crowley starts picking up what Aziraphale is putting down, but when Aziraphale gets nervous, Crowley doesn’t push largely out of respect for Aziraphale but also partly because he doesn’t feel like lockdown should actually be broken, either.

Thank you Anon!

[justanotherdeadgirlwalking]

That is Just the Saddest F**king Thing I Have Ever Heard.

TW obviously DEH is about a kid’s suicide, so it has those themes

other parts :)

Part Five. 

Art doesn’t just happen. It’s a process. You need a muse, an inspiration, something that lights a spark in your brain. Inspiration is everywhere. I’m surrounded constantly by beautiful bodies, beautiful faces. Sometimes you walk down the street and see how perfectly someone’s shoulders meet their slender neck, and the image burns into your mind. You want to see it in front of you again, but you can’t because that would require stalking the person to find them, and that’s super fucking creepy. So, you settle for the next best thing, you draw it. You sketch it over and over again until you get it right, and suddenly that woman is in front of you again. I prefer to draw people, because then you never run out of ideas. Faces are so unique; each body is different. There’s billions of people in the world, each one just waiting to be captured; I never run out of ideas. Eyes are like two little galaxies right in the center of the asteroid that is your face.

Putting together a portfolio has been a lot harder than I’d expected. I thought I’d just through my favorite drawings in a folder and call it a day. The only problem is, I hate literally everything I have ever drawn. Mom has always told me that my drawing look like photographs. That’s complete bullshit because you can see fingerprint smudges, and you can tell that one eye is significantly better than the other, and the noses look like shit. I literally want to redo every piece.

I’m not being one of those people that says their work is shit because they’re fishing for compliments, I know they’re good. I’ve been featured in district art shows, and I’ve won awards. And I’m not trying to sound like a cocky asshole either. Art is just the one thing in my life I have complete and total control over, and trust me, I took control. I can choose how it looks, I can make it as perfect, or imperfect as I want it. I had to beg my parents for the best pencils and canvas to use. I figured, I didn’t take music lessons or dance lessons like Zoe did, you guys can buy me some quality supplies. They didn’t want to waste money on the stuff if I wasn’t going to use it. As a child I tried a lot of sports and hated them. When I was ten, I joined the swim team. I practiced every day, for hours. I even talked Zoe into training with me, I made her time me, and yell at me in an angry German accent when I wasn’t making time. Then, after probably hundreds of hours of training, I decided that I didn’t like swimming before I even had the chance to compete. I guess they didn’t want me to do the same thing with art. Mom finally took me to an art store, like a real art store, when I proved to her I was serious about it. It was like going to Disney world. Everything I’ve ever dreamed of was right there in front of me. There was a wall of colored pencils. There were pencils in every color I could think of, and then some, colors I never even seen before. I stood there in awe. It was a game changer to use real colored pencils, not Crayola’s. Larry was so mad, he didn’t understand how art supplies could be so expensive. Well, I don’t understand why someone would spend $100 on a dozen golf balls either, so I guess we’re even.

Since I couldn’t realistically redo every piece of art I’ve ever made, I decided I would just use every piece that my art teacher loved and draw one new piece. It seemed like a good compromise. Miss Schmitt was the only person I really trust with anything. She’s always pushed me to keep going, not to give up on a piece and see it through. She didn’t teach me how to draw, you can’t teach talent, but she always motivated me.

I really needed her motivation now. There was one person I really wanted to draw, but I seemed to have a mental block on what they looked like. Miss Schmitt told me to use a reference picture, but I didn’t want anyone to know who I was drawing. It would make me look psycho, and people finally stopped thinking I was a freak.  I couldn’t bring myself to draw his face, so I drew his body. I drew his New Balance sneakers and his mal fitting khakis. I spent hours trying to replicate the crease down the front of his pants just right. I even made a special trip to the art store to make sure I found the right shades of blue for his stupid stripped shirt. I got an off-white colored pencil so I could shade his cast just right. Evan’s arm may not be broken anymore, but when I think of him, I think of him in his cast, just after I signed it. When everything was still really real and made sense.

I’ve become obsessed with him. How could I not be, he was my one and only friend. Except, that wasn’t true, and he used me for a better life. I really wanted nothing to do with him, but at the same time I wanted to know everything about him. It didn’t help that he was always around.

There was a knock on my door. “Come in” I called, snapping my sketchbook shut. I looked up to see Evan in my room, behind him, Zoe was peering in, almost hiding. “What’s up” I asked them, annoyed. Evan stands there for a second, looking down and playing with his fingers. I cleared my throat to get his attention.

“Um, me and Zoe want to talk to you” he spits out in a nervous stutter. I motion for them to come in. Zoe comes in and sits on my bed, not looking at me. Evan stands still for another moment before pulling the door shut and sitting on the ground where he stood. Everyone is silent for a moment, avoiding eye contact. I cough loudly to end the awkwardness.

“What did you guys want to talk about?” I ask.

Its Zoe that answers, softly, her voice breaking, “I want answers,” she says. Well kid, that makes two of us. “Why did you try to kill yourself.”

I feel like I was kicked in the chest. I don’t really have an explanation as to why. I just did. It was impulsive, seemed like the right thing to do in the moment. I wasn’t suicidal, and I wasn’t depressed beyond my normal gloom and doom. I just did it because I felt like it. I wasn’t feeling helpless or worthless, just bored. Except, I can’t tell her that. “Connor?” she asks. I just stare at her, hoping she will drop it. She meets my gaze and raises an eyebrow. She looks so sad, so broken. I must have really hurt her.

“I don’t want to talk about it” I say.

She sighs and balls her fists and taps them against her legs. She didn’t like that answer. I get it. I’d want to know too, I guess. Except, there’s nothing to know. Except, I wasn’t as important to her as she is to me.

“In the emails you wrote to Evan,” she starts. Oh, great the fake emails, “you were doing so well. Please you don’t need to tell me everything, but I just want to know what happened”

“I said I don’t want to fucking talk about it.” I snap.

Evan coughs, bringing attention to himself. I forgot he was here for a second. He looks nervous, really nervous. I don’t blame him, I could blow up his whole life right now with the truth. “Maybe he needs more time Zoe” he says. I give him a dirty look.

Zoe slams her hand against the bed, “You’ve had months,” she yells, “How much more time do you need. How do you go from climbing trees with Evan to killing yourself in a park?”

“Zoe,” Evan says, “you remember what you read, you don’t want to trigger him.” Trigger me? Okay Evan, you just don’t want me to tell the truth. Evan stands and opens the door, motioning for Zoe to leave. She looks at me again, pleading me with her eyes, then gets up and leaves. Evan lingers for a moment, watching her walk down the hall to her room. He steps back in and slams the door.

“We need to talk f-for real,” He says.

“Oh, for sure” I say, standing up and covering the distance between us until I’m towering over him, “Let’s talk about how you’re taking advantage of my entire fucking family.”

He’s beet red. “I’m not” he says, looking at the floor.

“Hey buddy, we’re not friends, we never were friends, and we’re probably never going to be friends.” I say

“Wh-why not?” he whispers.

“News flash,” I yell, “the first and only time I ever talked to you was when I signed your cast remember? You lied to everyone, and you’re a shitty liar.”

Evan is silent, he’s staring at the ground and pulling at his fingers. I watch him as he scratches his neck, pulls his ear, shifts his weight. I’ve thought Evan and I were the same; neither of us had friends because we were outcasts so to speak. He was just socially awkward, whereas I was the school freak. But I could tell he felt the same stuff I felt. The same wish that someone would notice us, that we were both on the outside, always looking in. Maybe if things were different we would be friends. I tried reaching out to him, but he was too self-absorbed with his own issues to notice me. And now, I am somehow engulfed in his issues. He took my suicide and made it about him. He lied to my parents and Zoe and the whole world. Evan Hansen was a nobody, a barely in the background kind of guy, and now his basically an internet celebrity. And me? People still don’t care about me, but at least they’re nice to me now.

I think that’s why I’m so angry about the whole situation. He got what he always wanted, he got his dreams come true. He got a taste of a perfect life, so he did what he had to do. But it ends now. I hope it was fun and he had a blast while he dragged me along.

“Did you read the emails?” Evan finally asks. I read them. He wrote a story of a perfect friendship. Friends that quote their favorite bands and tells jokes nobody understands except us two, and there’s nothing that we can’t discus, like girls we wish would notice us but never do. He even included me encouraging him to go after my sister. The fucking creep.

“Dear Evan Hansen,” I say, “You either tell Zoe and my parents the truth, or I will.” I open my door and shove him out of my room, “Sincerely, me.

[hermitreunited]

For the fic Q’s— 2, 12, 16, 18, 19, 22, 26, 34, 38, 42 & 45 I’ll look forward to your response 👀

2. What’s your most recent fic and how far do you think you’ve come? Legwarmers is a Klaus and Dave ballet au wip, and just the fact that I’m saying that is kind of a huge departure from form for me. That it’s fluffy and ballet, of all things?? That it’s unfinished and I’m just kind of posting it on the fly - it’s very much just doing this hobby for fun, whereas normally I’d be worried somehow about conserving my ‘writing energy’ for ‘important stuff’ or some kind of garbage. I’m glad I’m doing it!

12. Have you ever written a fic and decided never to publish it? Why? because I’m worried somehow about conserving my ‘writing energy’ for ‘important stuff’ or some kind of garbage. I spend a lot of time usually trying to wait out my ideas and not write them down, and I’m starting to think that’s a pretty dumb plan, because creative energy is not a finite resource, and in fact I’m starting to see that it might be one of those things where the more you use, the more you get.

16. Have you ever stopped writing a fic/for a fandom because it wasn’t receiving enough attention? Not really, it’s mainly about my interest in the thing, and even if readers were invested, I don’t think I could keep writing something that I’m just not interested in anymore. Although it is likely that the interest of others can keep my interest up longer? So not exactly, but it’s hard to say? Not consciously.

18. What’s your most underrated fic? Alright no one is following me for Dirk Gently anymore because it was always a tiny fandom and now that it’s canceled it’s even tinier - an absolute tragedy - but I’m really proud and pleased with Important Stuff to Do in the Woods, my singular dghda fic. It’s got less than 100 hits but I think it’s really cute, dangit! and it was my first foray towards anything approaching ‘cute.’ And it feels very in-line with the spirit of the show to me and the show is my actual favorite thing ever and I think it’s a turning point towards my fics being less drowning in angst and being angst with a hopeful bent and that means a lot to me.

19. If you had to pick one fic/scene/chapter of your work to describe your entire portfolio to a stranger, which would you pick? 😬😬I.. I wouldn’t want to do that, yipes. (#the mortifying ordeal of being known) buuut okay a mix of aspirationally what I’d like my work to be and what it actually is probably is reflected in the scene in second chapter of Everyone Gets Here Eventually, the family dinner scene when (spoiler alert I guess?) Klaus meets Dave’s family and Dave finds out about the book. It’s definitely angsty, which is the realistic view of my writing, but I think it’s got some complicated sweetness in there which is what I hope for my writing to be. And it’s a lot of dialogue, which is very on brand for my un-descriptive self.

22. Has there ever been anyone who’s made you freak out because they read your work and followed/favorited/reviewed? siriuspiggyback reading and commenting on my stuff was,,, pretty cooooool and I was a normal amount of cool about it. and when daemons said nice thing about my fic I think it’s likely that I threw my phone across the room. There’s no question that screaming was involved, but that’s the case with every comment.

26. What aspect of your writing do you most enjoy to see praised? Usually there is some kind of thing I’m focusing on, some kind of growth point I’m trying to nurture? and so if someone comments on whatever that was for that fic it’s really exciting, like on Bad Stuff in a Bad Place people have commented on the visual quality of it and that’s what I was trying really hard on so it thrills my heart to hear when I succeed! In general though good characterization and voice is so important so it’s always gratifying to hear when that works for people!

34. Was there any fic that you wrote that really surprised you in the fandom reaction? Was it just by the numbers or did they take it an entirely different way? I mainly don’t even expect to get a reaction, so just getting comments is a lovely surprise. A few readers had a different take on the ending of eghe that I really didn’t expect…

38. Have you ever purposefully written something you know your readers would find uncomfortable/would not enjoy? If yes, why? The throughline of this ask game answer is that I never think of the fact that I have readers, like ever, so no. When I write I leave little comments as I go as though I am myself a reader and I just write stuff that I enjoy, and I’m only ever writing what I like.

42. How many views has your most popular fic gotten? Bad Stuff has 4086! Which has finally thankfully surpassed my old old Teen Wolf fanfiction that previously held that distinction.

45. If you had to call yourself an author of a single genre (besides fanfic) what label would you give yourself? I mean, angst isn’t really a genre outside of fanfiction, is it? I really write fanfiction though, like even my original stuff is very much in line with the norms of fanfic. My original stuff is ya, does that count? I feel like mainstream fiction doesn’t have nearly as specific terms and so it’d just be called ‘drama’ which is crazy because I would never pick up a book that termed itself that way.

Ahhh these were really great questions, thanks Courtney!! It was pretty fun to get to do this here at the end of a really productive year of fanfic writing and look back at what I’ve done.

[eliseliedl]

kh3 is a great ass game and i’m so happy it’s finally here, however i want to list some complaints i have after finishing it because i feel like it’s important to point these things out too.

don’t read unless you are 100% done with the game please, some spoilers i listed are huge.

- some interactions weren’t good enough imo, i know i’m asking too much but i thought that some could have been done better and more emotional, like Kairi and Aqua’s. I really liked the few Sora/Kairi moments tho, the way they held hands... many times UwU

- Riku and Terra didn’t interact at all even tho at the beginning when Riku and Mickey go looking for Aqua Riku talks and thinks about Terra... i wanted to see that interaction so bad and it feels weird that it didn’t happen tbh.

- when Ventus and Roxas see each other they don’t say anything? they just look at each other and that’s it, as if meeting someone who is identical as you isn’t like the rarest/weirdest things??? i know it isn’t super important but that was not a very realistic reaction and i wanted them to adress it, idk.

- some OOC moments i guess. Example: when they meet Terranort at the Keyblade Graveyard for the first time, he rushes and hits Ventus super hard and Aqua is just... staring. It takes a while until she finally says something and idk... Aqua wouldn’t hesitate when something like that happens to one of her best friends. We all know this.

- Sora disappearing at the end... even tho it had a happy ending this hit me really hard, it outshined the happy ending the others had. After all Sora had done, after saving everyone and defeating Xehanort... he disappears.... and Kairi gets to be sad too :( i think it’s pretty unfair and i hope he comes back again somehow... please.

- we didn’t get to see what is in the box. even though it is so important in the end they didn’t show it to us... like we’ve been waiting so many years for this? if you are going to talk so much about the damn box you could at least show what’s in it, or tell us a clue? idk, i feel like everything surrounding the box, Luxu, the foretellers, etc could have been showed in this game.

- also i don’t know if i got it right, so is Braig/Xigbar an actual person possessed by Luxu? or was he Luxu all along, only his appearance changed? i’m not okay having these kinda questions not answered... then again there’s gonna be a secret movie (?) so i hope it doesn’t disappoint me and it adresses some things that should have been adressed.

- mmm everyone except Sora and kinda Riku was pretty much useless on battle. like i do understand that Sora is the protagonist and he is obviously the main focus but like everyone can fight too and may i remind the writers that Aqua is a master? she could and should have done better.

- they did Kairi dirty again. basically her only fight scene is the one we saw on the trailer. what was the point of making her train if she was gonna do barely anything? not to mention that again Sora had to save her bc again she was caught... stop making her the damsel in distress jesus, she can fight now!!!!!

- the girl Saïx talks about, the one who was friends with him and Axel when they were “somebodies” - what i didn’t like is that she has never been mentioned, not even once, in previous games and also the game ended and we didn’t even get her name. I feel like they shouldn’t have left out this “story” now that they randomly mentioned it.

- I was happy to see Ephemera! But why did he suddenly appear? Does he know Sora, somehow? There’s gotta be a reason behind this, i’m sure. And again, it could have been at least mentioned in the game.

- we got to see a very happy ending for almost everyone, but i wish they had showed us what happened to Marluxia, Larxene, Demyx... after they recompleted. They did show us Isa so why not the others?

- Ventus suddenly remembering Chirity and Terra and Aqua not being remotely surprised. Not that i really disliked this because it was cute and i’m happy for Chirity but why did it seem so normal? It shouldn’t....

And i think that’s it, sorry if i sound bitter but well, i’ve been waiting too many years for this game and the fact that it has many negative things... well, i just needed to point it out. The worst thing is that we might have to wait many more years for our questions to be answered in another brand new game... :(

[ghinanotlinetti]

23 lessons I learnt (and am still learning) at 23-years-old

On Thursday January 30th 2020, I turned 23-years-old. I’ve never been one to want to do something extravagant for my birthday, it’d be too much pressure for a single day. I do, however, like to reflect on my year and have a mental check-up on myself to see how things are going. It just so happens that my birthday is in the month of January, the first month of the year, so I keep all my new years reflections for my birthday. I find that I tend to press refresh on January because there tends to be a lot of clutter that I couldn’t clean out from December. This year was no exception; I was working all the way until December at my corporate job, then I left the country to visit my parents for the winter holidays so I had no time to pick up the pieces from that job and my life in the big city of Jakarta. I couldn’t extend my contract when I came back so had to let go of that job, which was both scary and a relief. Life after grad is very unexpected, I don’t think they prepare us enough to deal with the highs and lows. The week of my birthday was also the same the world received tragic news about the death of Kobe Bryant and his daughter Gianna Bryant. I’m not a basketball lover but I did know Kobe Bryant as this dorky geeky guy who was a huge Potterhead, he loved Game of Thrones and The Alchemist and was not ashamed of this side of him at all. I also started feeling ill, then I got the flu and am still recovering from a cough that’s making my diaphragm and back ache so much. On the other hand, I did get to spend this birthday week with my older sister who shares the same birthday as me. We haven’t celebrated our birthday together in years, it’s nice to be together again. In the spirit of me turning 23 this year, I thought I’d share some teachings and advice I’ve picked up along the way. Hopefully it can be applicable to all, especially if you’re just entering life after uni, so here we go!

1. You’ll never make it if you don’t face it.

So you might be familiar with the phrase “fake it till you make it” which might work for some people, but in the long run it might not be a realistic approach. Of course we all have dreams and want to achieve them, however not everyone is willing to work for their dream. If you’re one of those people like me who have no problem is working hard towards their goals, then you might struggle with the next thing I want to bring up which is: patience.

2. Be patient, be patient, be patient.

I was not that willing to wait for my dreams to come true as I was when it came to working for it. I definitely love working on my writing and the hustle felt rewarding to me, however I was impatient which is quite odd because I’m also young and have years ahead of me. Maybe it’s a millenial thing to be daunted by the what if’s but it’s so valid; what if I don’t make it until I’m 40 something, settled for stability and never took a chance on my passion? I find peace in accepting that I don’t have to know these things because I trust in the universe and I believe God always has a reason.

3. Believe in yourself, over and over and over again.

As someone who struggled with low self-esteem I thought all my insecurities would vanish the moment I felt confident. Instead it’s a whole process that can’t be done overnight. It takes weeks, months, years but if you’ve been able to believe in yourself before you can certainly do it again.

4. It’s okay to not have it all figured out.

Because everyone else around you doesn’t have it all figured out!

5. Generosity can get you far in life.

Helping others is the best way to network and form meaningful relationships at the same time! It’s not worth it to be alone in your hustle, because at some point you’ll need people for a plethora of reasons.

6. Collaboration > Competition

Realistically, you can only really be an expert in a few things, maybe one or two things and that’s completely okay. Because what this means is that there’s opportunities to collaborate and create with others great things.

7. Be kind to yourself.

In order to be kind to others one mustn’t ever forget to be kind to one’s self. Simple.

8. Lead with faith, not fear.

There have been so many times when I’ve done something out of fear and thought it was necessary, but then I felt so anxious I didn’t know what to do about it. I realise now that leading with faith makes me have less panic attacks; it’s not that I’m not scared at all but more so that I’m just calmer because I’ve accepted that I don’t need to have an existential crisis every time I make a decision. So, I’d go with faith.

9. Reclaim your narrative, and stay grounded.

There’s so many labels and stereotypes that I’ve have to deal with and never asked for simple because of who I am. It’s a lot of judgement from all sorts of people and communities (and I thought I was promised one day of judgement?), so I simply refuse to be defeated. I’ll rise above and reclaim my story which demands to be heard.

10. Everyone has talent and is smart, but not everyone is authentic, kind, reliable, etc.

I thought that in order to stand out I had to have a loud, big, and bold persona, which worked fine with other people but that just wasn’t me. On the flip side, I found that most people, be it employers or friends, would value qualities such as authenticity and reliability more than what you could bring to the table.

11. Become the things you want to become and you’ll stop desperately wanting it.

So for a really long time, I’ve always wanted to be a writer and I thought I’d have to wait for that to happen. But then I’ve always been writing, therefore I already am a writer. I think this can be applied to most passion projects and everyone deserves to take a chance on their passion project no matter how absurd or crazy it might be.

12. Just try whatever it is (an interview, application, class, etc.) and at the very least you’ll have one foot in the door.

I’ve got quite an active imagination; I tend to think a hundred steps ahead, mind-wandering in places I probably shouldn’t, so sometimes I won’t do things if I can’t commit 100%. Overthinking has become tiring for me and I want to make more choices out of faith. Most often than not there’s really no harm in trying, so just give it a go.

13. Don’t suffer in silence.

I suffer in silence in the past way too much. As a result I’ve distanced myself from really good friends of mine without any clear explanation. Can’t do that again because I value my friends and they deserve better.

14. Create the art that you would want to consume.

Be your own target audience. Most people don’t actually know what they want until it’s there in the market, so you’d be waiting a long time by asking other people what they want. Just start now.

15. Rest should never be compromised.

Often when I feel like giving up, I don’t actually mean it. Sure it’s frustrating but I don’t want to quit. I just need to rest. Please rest, and make sure to get the best quality of rest.

16. It’s okay to grow out of things and people too.

In the past I’d be needy for closure, but then it became tiring. Sometimes not getting an answer is the same as getting an answer. Let go.

17. When people show you who they are, believe them.

Yes, I think everyone has made excuses for their buddies, and I’m over it honestly. This one for me isn’t about my present circle of close friends, they’re lovely and I’m really lucky to have them. It’s more for people in my past, and it’s out-of-the-blue when it happens. I hate when it happens but then I can’t just pretend it never happened.

18. You matter, block out all the noise and have a moment to listen to your own voice.

If I ever feel lost or out of touch, I know it’s time to put just a little bit of distance from myself and the world for a little while. When I get to this point I’m usually investigating around my emotions, not investing myself in them, just observing patterns and signs and then find out what it means.

19. Unlearning and healing takes time, just make progress no matter how big or small.

So I’m in my twenties and I thought by this age I’d have everything figured out. Turns out I was very wrong. The amount of unlearning and relearning I had to do and am still doing... wow. But as long as it’s not a regression and a motion forwards, even if it’s just baby steps, it’s so worth it.

20. Life is just as much of a journey backwards as it is forwards.

As someone who’s always been spiritual, this is something that I find comfort in especially in times when I feel like I don’t know where I’m going. I’m a third-cultured kid, I’ve never had a home home for so long, and that’s fine. Nothing is a given, not even tomorrow. Life is about eventually returning to the Creator; it doesn’t matter how far you’ve come, what matters is what you make of this crazy beautiful dunya.

21. Close some of those tabs once in a while, it’ll be fine!

Ties into the next one which is:

22. Relax.

I’ve been dealing with anxiety for so long, my mind is somehow on panic mode by default, even when I’m meant to be off duty. Still trying to find that balance which works for me, between work, family, friends, mental health, leisure.

23. You’re not as special as you think you are, but on the bright side it means that you’re not alone! No more pity parties for one!

No more feeling sorry for myself because it’s disgusting! There’s so much out there to explore and discover for me, and that’s worth getting excited over. Here’s to more adventures, travelling, self-discovery, friendships, love, and everything in between!

[jq37]

I'll be the one that bites the bullet. Fantasy High episode 11--thoughts?

**spoilers for cool kids, cold case**

Hoo boy. 

That could be my entire write up honestly because, geez ya'll. 

Let's break it down. 

Sidenote, I just got mildly into Overwatch so every time I say that and I say it a fair amount, I hear Lucio in my head. 

Anyway, like I said in an earlier post, I'm now pretty sure that the bloodrush fight didn't go the way Brennan expected. Like either he didn't expect them to win or that they would win but not kill Daybreak because there was so much exposition and change and repositioning in this episode. It was a lot like the first session with all the setup. It's like he needed to get them on a new trajectory so he took an episode to time jump and change the status quo before--BAM. But we're getting to that.

In another show or even another episode of this show, the opening convo with Ragh might have been the wildest part of the ep. There’s just so much to unpack there.

Fig making him kowtow to Gorgug and everyone being like dude, stop making it weird. 

Before she did that, Emily paused and you could just see every other person looking like “What insane thing is gonna come out of her mouth now?”

Kristen getting the scoop on his super gay dreams. 

Adaine trying to get him to got to therapy (and also to realize that he's gay). 

The group whole ass making him cry for possibly the first time?

Fabian trying to shut everything down.

“You’re cumming from your eyes.”

 Kristen, please stop. I’m begging you. 

As I suspected, the group reached the point of yeah, we NEED to call Riz's mom this ep. Like, they *had* to call her. You can only realistically take shenanigans so far before it becomes straight unrealistic to not just call a responsible adult. 

And, speaking of, yay! We got to see a little of everyone’s parents just like I wanted/predicted. 

We actually got a lot of stuff from my wishlist. There’s so much time jumping and stuff in this episode I don’t even know where to start. 

This is probably the wrong place to start but I remember wondering what their Christmas equivalent was because they can’t have Christmas because of the Christ thing so when they were like Solstice I was like, oh duh. It’s literally right there. How could I miss it.

OK I guess 

Christmas Solstice party at Gorgug’s house! I knew his house would end up being the hang house.  

Sklonda handled the situation pretty close to how I thought she would. I really think Brennan was forced into a, “This adult is too responsible to not wipe out my next ten plot points over the course of a week,” corner and that’s why he had to pivot. More on that later.

Fabian just refusing to eat any of the fast food she got them.

I totally forgot Adaine has diplomatic immunity. Which actually means she’s the ideal Bad Kid to do anything shady they need done, even though that’s not really her style.

Unlike, other people

We’re getting there

I’m glad Brennan drew the line at Kristen’s parents actively being in a cult. He was like, OK no. They’re willfully ignorant but they’re not PART OF THE CULT.

I also think it’s interesting that they didn’t actually kick her out? Like they sorta kinda did but not really because it seems like she’s couch surfing of her own volition a little and staying home sometimes too? I wonder how her brothers are doing.

Both of Fig’s dads just work at her school now. I wonder is they commiserate about her w/ Goldenhoard.

I can’t believe Brennan is letting her just ruin the life of this random, full-adult dwarf doctor. Like, imagine if any adult in her life found out about that.

Brennan says bud a lot. Almost as much as he says rad.

Gorgug choosing playing the drums as his proficiency, but not well. Just, like, a simple drum beat. Bro. Why.

Adaine’s makeover!

I knew we were gonna get to see that. Or at least I really hoped we would.

And it was in boutique setting similar to what I imagined. A little surprised that she went straight for the jeans and t-shirt thing but dope. I want fan-art. 

Also, if I hadn’t already been convinced, that scene would have convinced me that Fabian got everyone the gifts (before it was confirmed later).

“You’d look nice as a sailor.” Is that like a pirate thing, bro?

Real talk, does Fabian for-real, for-real have a crush on Adaine low key?He’s complimented her looks more than once, which he hasn’t done with the other girls. They’re at a similar social class which might be a factor. And he clearly has a thing for blond elves.

WE’LL GET TO IT. 

I am Concerned about Adaine’s jean jacket, regardless of how dope it is.

Someone needs to talk to Fig about the rat thing. Possibly also Emily. 

42069 LANE (or whatever it was). I hate that I love Brennan for that.

“The worst thing about you is that you’re rich.”

But aww, Fabian. I’m glad it ended up being him (and shoutout to the anon who pointed that out to me). This is exactly the character growth I wanted from him.

When Gorthalax said that tryouts had already happened, I was legit upset for Fabian for a sec. Also, how did I know Gorgug was gonna somehow end up on the bloodrush team?

Guys I feel like there’s still a million more things to talk about.

Adaine finding out about Riz’s dad. God I hope there’s a heart to heart soon but she won’t just drop that info unless she has a really good reason.

GILEAR. I can’t believe that was him on a NAT 20. God, he has zero game. Also, imagine Fig and Riz as siblings. Lord.

The return of Tracker. I was concerned that she was in college but she’s like a Sophomore so Kristen is good to go as soon as she stops being a total disaster so actually that’s probably a moot point. 

Sidenote, kinda surprised that she’s a cleric. I thought she was off religion totally but I guess she just switched. But I feel like it’s hard to be totally non-religious in a world where gods 100% for sure exist?

Adaine going, “Mrs. Gukgak. Actually Captain Gukgak,” to her racist-ass dad gave me life. 

OK so re: the whole conversation about perditional contradoxy and treaties and war and such. How much of that was in the plan and how much of that was last minute retooling by Brennan? Because, I’m going to be honest. If it wasn’t for that comment by Siobhan, I would never have guessed that we were off the rails. But, with that in mind, this feels like the work of a GM who needs to keep the game going because things ended up moving too quickly.

It does answer the question of where the story is going now that the Harvestmen seem to be taken care of. I was a little surprised when Brennan was like, “Yeah Riz’s mom gets them all arrested,” because I’d assumed that the bad guy was going to be just the higher guy on the totem pole. 

OK, I’m sure I’m missing some things because this was a JAM PACKED ep so, if I missed something you wanted my thoughts on, please tell me and I’ll be super happy to write more words but let’s get into that scene. 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OK OK OK

Before we start, I’m so pumped about all of this development but I hate how often I’m going to have to type the word Eolwyn because my fingers refuse to accept that that’s how that’s spelled.

ANYWAY

Dude, the pacing, switching between Adaine and home and the rest of the gang at the party. Like, I knew what the reveal had to be as soon as she walked in but I was still like, “Oh my God. Oh my GOD.”

Sidenote: It was very convenient for Brennan that Adaine never actually read those books because it was an easy and non-cheating way to dole out exposition now, later in the game.

What were the mechanics of Adaine not being invited to that party? Did Eolwyn specifically get her not invited? Did she actually get invited but couldn’t go because of the dinner at home? Did all her friends still decide to go, knowing she wasn’t invited? Was she OK with that? How exactly did that go down?

EOLWYN

BUSTING into that party

Magicking up a bunch of LOVE SLAVE PUPPETS

SNORTING magic coke

Playing Spin the Bottle DEATH ROULETTE 

MAKING OUT WITH FABIAN

CUT TO: I’M GOING TO KILL MY SISTER

DAMN BRENNAN, I did NOT Expect you to go THAT hard.

AND THEN IT KEPT GOING

Assuming they all live, I can’t WAIT for the, “YOU KISSED MY SISTER????” conversation. 

Which means they’ve either never met Eolwyn or only in passing and not enough to remember her. 

Shoutout to Riz for being the only person to give Adaine a heads up. 

Her eyes glow blue when she does certain types of magic so I’m just picturing her walking into that room, eyes blazing blue, ready to F up her sister (even BEFORE she finds out what’s going on).

I don’t remember if she called Eolwyn a c**t in this ep or the promo for next but I was like, “Oh damn.” Like you got her to escalate her cursing that much that quickly? Damn.

Also, I love that when she’s really upset, Adaine skips the magic and just starts hitting people. 

OK, so remember in the first ep when Eolwyn tried to have Adaine steal that book? The book that I’m pretty sure is the one they mentioned as having wards on it to keep monster stuff from happening at school? So, here’s what I want to know. Has Eolwyn always been a part of this? Because, clearly, it looks like she is right now. But it’s possible the original intent was that she wanted to get Adaine to do it as a prank, not knowing it was important and then, Brennan checked his notes while salvaging the plot and decided to work it in.  

Also, unlikely, but imagine if Eolwyn somehow induced Adaine’s panic attack during her entrance exam to Hudol specifically so she would fail, have to go to Augefort, and steal the book for her. Wouldn’t that be wild?

Idek what else to say about that last ten minutes or so that isn’t just incoherent, Ally-esque screeching.

I have to say, battle eps are never my faves but I’m looking forward to this one more than any other one so far. 

Man, I can’t believe I thought Eolwyn asking for that textbook might turn into a sister bonding moment. Lol @ past me.

Anyway, kick her ass Adaine!