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seraphiism · 6 months

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𓆩 ღ 𓆪 𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐥

( RUN TO YOUR DEVIL ; I'M SURE HE CAN HELP YOU. )

chara : ais fandom : touchstarved quote cr : bioshock a/n : if this makes sense , good . if not, blame maid ais ( this fic is not abt the halloween art, i just think he's neat )

i. SO YOU WILL CALL YOURSELF CURSED, your life riddled with havoc and death in innocence lost. in the road traveled, there are horrors untold, bandaged hands trembling as you hide them in fear of others and yourself. an evil deeply haunts you, finding belonging in your existence, in your blood, and in the corruption of what is meant to be good.

you will not drown yourself in damnation, not yet, but the water rises and rises, the murky tides seizing a coldness around your throat, a subtle violence looming in the waves that threaten to rid of your breath.

you have encountered far too many strange things in far too little time. at this point, you should be used to it, but there is something, or rather, someone, that constantly catches you off-guard. you find yourself at a loss, unsure if you wish to embrace it or flee from the feelings that stir your heart. how they frighten you so, and in his presence, there is always the quickening of your pulse.

but maybe you are reading too far into things. maybe you're just overwhelmed ; maybe the loneliness is getting to you, the starvation for companionship convincing your mind to make something out of nothing. but in the devil there is kindness, and in his touch, you cannot help but wonder : are you overthinking? or is there more to him, this demon that is made of cruelty and comfort?

ii. it begins with the learning of the seaspring, the radiant temptress : a sickeningly vicious crimson that envelops one in some means of escape , a void in which you lose yourself , intertwined with the existence of those who have succumbed to some sort of madness. the red in that resigned fate is the same as the red of his eyes, and in his gaze, you almost think you see regret amidst the scorn.

but you don't think for too long-- you can't, your balance suddenly off, consciousness nearly wiped out in the near fall into a crimson void. ais is quick to grab you, sparing you from a fate undeserved. it wouldn't have been fair, he tells you, if you didn't get to make the decision to take the fall on your own.

but there's amusement in the curve of his lips, and there's a warmth in the way his hand rests on the small of your back. there's something more, something else that you don't quite want to identify as he holds you close for longer than necessary.

and you let him, you do. you wonder if this is what safety is supposed to feel like. it terrifies you.

iii. it continues with the troublesome reunion at the bar : you almost want to drown the sorrows and stress away with the harsh taste of alcohol that leaves a burning in your throat, but you don't. you can't afford to lose yourself in the haze, can't afford to lower your guard. your nerves are frayed, mind on the edge of frenzy from the sheer exhaustion of the past few days. it's been too eventful. too overwhelming.

you need fresh air, a strange panic brewing in the roots of the soul as you feel it all sink in : your death , your revival , the encounters with those you want to trust but do not dare to. your hands rest on the bar counter, clenched, and your gaze almost seems... absent, he notices.

he may be occupied, may seemingly have his attention focused elsewhere, but there is something so fascinating and terribly entertaining about you that he cannot seem to look away. he may have taunted you earlier, pushed and pulled to see what your limits were, but even he has a heart, after all.

you feel a familiar presence near you -- a hand gently resting on your waist, a soft murmur in your ear.

"doing alright, sparrow?"

your body stills. you swallow hard, barely turning your head.

"i'm fine." you respond, and you slip away from his grasp, throwing him a brief glance before you sneak through the busy crowds in search of a calm you'll never find.

iv. and now-- now, you have come to a defeated conclusion : calm is the farthest thing that will ever be granted to you. doesn't matter where you are, doesn't matter what you do-- it would be too convenient, too kind, really, and you wonder if you are asking too much.

all you wanted was to try catching your breath, try finding some semblance of peace amidst the chaos. but instead, you found trouble, landed yourself in yet another dangerous situation, because what's a night out at the bar if there's no drunken fight? it's not fun if you're not dragged into some god awful brawl somehow. you don't question it. no point, not with your luck.

so now, you find yourself hiding in the dark alley, lungs burning with deprivation. the movement of your chest is subtle, shallow, and ais notices it-- it's hard to not notice, not when his body is pressed against yours, his hand over your mouth in determination to keep you safe and quiet.

he deems it an interesting predicament. you don't.

not with the lack of distance between your bodies, your back against the wall, his blood on your lips. his smirk falters only the slightest bit at your bite-- a surprising defiance he didn't quite expect from you. but the flicker of bewilderment soon twists into pure amusement, and you think you love and hate it. he keeps his mouth shut, and so do you, even when his hand falls to his side. nearby, there is a rising panic, then the quick steps of enemies fading as they make haste in their escape.

it's safe now. you let out a quiet sigh of relief knowing you've avoided harm once more, and though you hate to admit it, it's because of him. your gaze focuses on your surroundings, searching for the possibility that someone may be deceiving you, waiting in the shadows for the right opportunity to strike.

"you've got a bad bite, little sparrow." ais murmurs, and you feel his hand gently grip your jaw, forcing you to focus on him. "that's no way to thank someone who keeps saving your life."

there's a heat that suddenly rushes to your face. timid, you want to look elsewhere, but you don't dare give him the satisfaction of looking away. it's hard to focus, the faintest trace of iron on your tongue, the feeling of another's warmth against your body.

"so sorry, ais." your apology seethes with sarcasm. "next time, i'll be sure to be gentle."

he chuckles softly, doesn't even think about pulling away from you. not when you're this close.

"don't worry, pretty thing." he tells you, thumb tracing over your lips, and perhaps that smirk softens into something gentle at the sight of the crimson that is his. "my red looks good on you."

#touchstarved #touchstarved x reader #ais x reader #ais touchstarved #.: writing #im yellin i meant to write smth short !!!!!! i miss him dearly ( he is not real )

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good-beans · 4 months

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HI @rainbowghostcat and @boxx-sama -- I have been enabled so I'm here to ramble a bit about my faves >:3 Top three are definitely Fuuta, Mahiru, and Yuno! Good taste gang !!🤝✨✨✨

It's a mix of enjoying their songs, genuinely getting into their stories, and relating to them just enough to go a little crazy asdfsd :') Shidou comes in at a close 4th, I love him a lot but I'm not as insane as I am about these guys lmao.

I was holding onto these asks to ramble when I had the time/energy but uuuuhhh I didn't mean to go on for so long sorry 😭 Woe, 03 06 02 thoughts be upon ye...

Starting with Fuuta!! His character has everything – He’s cool, he’s lame, he’s terrifying, he’s tragic, he’s funny, he’s unbearably real, he’s my silly little guy, he makes me cry, etc. The core of his character that always gets me is how normal he is. How he’s probably closest to the majority of the audience – he (and Kazui) are the only ones who did not have murder on their mind at all. He anticipated harm, but the thought of someone dying never once crossed his mind. He’s right around teens/early twenties. He engages with the online world a lot. So many milgram fans are in that age range, on the internet a lot (in order to enjoy the project and its fanbase), feel a strong sense of justice (since they’re so engaged in a project about morality), and aren’t in any situation dramatic enough that they expect anyone to die. He’s so much like all of us.

Continuing on that, his heart really is in the right place to start. He cares deeply about people and society, which is why he wants to fix it. His vision is a bit small, focusing on petty issues rather than huge social issues, but the point is he cares. He attacks Es because he’s trying to be the brave representative after hearing Haruka and Yuno were attacked. He yells at Kazui and Mahiru because they’re not helping the others. He takes care of Haruka. He gives Mahiru a birthday gift even when he has nothing to give.

His biggest issue is, he doesn’t belong. I’ve written up a whole analysis on how he’s written very neurodivergent: he misses social cues, he’s on the outskirts of friendships and groups. It’s more clear in characters like Haruka and Muu, but Fuuta is just as incredibly desperate for attention. For love. For that feeling of belonging in a group. His knightly fantasies aren’t ones of violence and weapons – they’re mostly scenes of him surrounded by a close-knit party of adventurers who are cheering him on.

All of this together is what makes him so compelling and so tragic to me. All the characters are human and real, but he’s the closest to a lot of viewers (myself included). He let the attention get to his head for just a bit too long, let himself get swept away in finally having friends. He got distracted thinking that the focus of being a hero was defeating, and not protecting. And all it took was a brief time of getting drunk on this attention, and now he has a little girl’s blood on his hands. It makes me absolutely insane.

I also think he’s such a cool special case because he truly got a taste of his own medicine. The other characters are being judged in an unfamiliar way, but he is being scrutinized in the Exact same way that Fuuta pried open others’ privacy. He was attacked and almost died because of Es’ judgment, just as his victim was attacked because of his judgment. The process of Milgram is putting him in his victim’s shoes, and it’s so cool to see.

Aaaaand on a lighter note – he’s just so fun!! He’s my little skrunkly fr!!! I love his shit-eating grin. I love his ridiculous laugh. I love his crooked teeth. I love the knight theme, and the fire symbolism. It’s pretty standard, but it suits him perfectly. He’s got such cool, badass songs! I’m obsessed with his voice, both his singing and vd performances are incredible. His vds are the only ones I’ll listen to often and out of the blue – Arthur Lounsbery uses such an interesting and fun voice for him ;--; His design is so fun (apparently I have a Type for redhead characters…), and his t2 development and design were amazing! There has been no other Milgram character that I want to reach through the screen and shake violently by the shoulders and also hug so badly 😂

I’m so obsessed with her theme of ‘being so kind that it causes harm’!! Because it’s very easy to dismiss the other characters as unforgivable when you look at the harm they wanted to cause their victim, or disregard they had for their victim’s feelings. But Mahiru… she doesn’t want to cause any harm. At all. She took her boyfriend’s feelings into consideration so much so that she didn’t stop him when she definitely should have. She doesn’t have a mean bone in her body and yet she fucked up big time!! It’s such a unique type of murder!! The other characters need to be sat down and told “don’t hurt innocents, don’t seek revenge, don’t be selfish, etc” and then Mahiru is over here like “don’t be… nice to people.” Because it’s not about being nice per se – it’s about not being a doormat.

(I know her story is still a bit mysterious – my running theory is that her bf had health issues completely separate from their relationship. They started getting bad and he started to consider suicide. Instead of stopping him, Mahiru combined her need to copy her lover (as seen a lot in TIHTBILWY), her ideas that lovers do everything together, and her belief that one should do anything they set their mind to (as seen in her comments about Es/Kotoko and the attack). She says she’ll join him, make it a lovers’ suicide, but doesn’t follow through at the last second.)

She (and Mikoto) have really interesting themes of how not caring for yourself can actually hurt others. They put all their efforts into giving back to others, to society, fitting into the norms and expectations, not questioning others, and it backfires catastrophically. If she had stood up for herself and her relationship, she would not have assumed anyone deserved to die. She would have known that it wasn’t up to her alone to deal with her bf’s mental issues. She obviously wasn’t handling it correctly (rats….) but she didn’t need to! She should have pointed him to professionals instead of deciding she deserved to die along with him! But she was so poisoned by society’s expectations of being the perfect girlfriend and being considerate of others…

She’s just such a tragic case because the power of love is supposed to be perfect. She’s been taught her whole life that it’s wonderful and magical and pure. Who can kill with the power of love, after all? I can completely understand her denial of the situation, because I also wouldn’t picture a terrifying, dark scene if I knew I was only being nice for my whole life!

And her crime aside – she’s super fun :3 She has The Most Fun songs, she’s full of energy and excitement and enthusiasm! (out of the various english covers I like, hers is the one I jam out to most often hehe). She’s the most stunning character there! I’m a sucker for sunshine-coded characters 🌻🌻🌻I think she has the best symbols out of everyone, between the birdcage and the carousel. The fact that both Mahiru and her bf could be the bird and the cage. The two symbols representing beautiful things that can be trapping. Representing cycles. Representing relationships. I know the hourglass is a popular one but I think this is Yamanaka's finest set of symbols. I am unwell about it. So yeah, rather than give her a good shake I want to yank her right out of there – Get in loser we’re gonna get you some self-love!!!!

And a slightly shorter rant on Yuno because that was a lot adfsdf. Ad I'm aware of the irony that one of my points is that it kinda sucks how most rants on Yuno are cut short :( The thing is, she’s been very honest about her crime, and most people have considered her issue in a context outside of Milgram so they already have a pretty good idea on where their vote stands. Despite being the “obvious” innocent one, she really is the most emotionally charged character imo. It’s easy to relate to the other characters and feel knee-jerk reaction, but none have been so widely discussed as abortion and sex work. I can talk openly about everyone else and get into a nice discussion on morals and emotions, but Yuno is the one character I have to talk very, very carefully around. Whether I’m rambling about Milgram to my family or interacting with new fans, I never know what’s acceptable to say without falling into a whole debate on politics.

So, if it’s made me into someone who keeps quiet and skirts around things, I shudder to imagine the amount of lying/masking Yuno herself must do on a daily basis. I can easily avoid the topic if I choose to – she was dealing with that debate long before coming to Milgram, and is currently dealing with debates and judgements and insults and pity surrounding it. She’s naturally strong so I think fans often forget all the shit that this 18yo is dealing with on a daily basis, and how effortless she’s making it look <3

#milgram #fuuta kajiyama #mahiru shiina #yuno kashiki #❤️🧡🩷#LMAO SORRY #im just yellin about some of my favorite things -- feel free to yell back! (or completely ignore me asdfsdfs)#thank you tsumi for the dividers!#and the base for that phone meme was going around but lmk if you want it and i can link it #ask #rose posts

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