#I actually did this piece a while back but debated on whether or not to upload it

[leyline-legionnaire]

Oooh.. That’s gotta sting!

————

My rendition of my Charr Commander’s painful reminder of her mortality

[xveenusx]

Wanted

Paring(s): JJ maybank x fem!reader

Summary: in a world where someone had everything, she still got treated like she was nothing. all she wanted was to be wanted.

Authors note: I wanted this piece piece to be as real as possible. It's not simple, its messy. We've all gone back to that one person we know we shouldn't just because being alone seemed worse. Also she gets absolutely railed so that helps. So please be kind to her lmfao.

Rating: smut, 18+, mdni, ANGST

Song rec: making the bed by olivia rodrigo

Part 1: Guilty

Bored. 

I was so incredibly bored. I leaned against the built in bar as I watched Topper and Kelce take body shots off some tourists they invited. The loud bass of the music did little to tune out the annoying voice of Amy Culpo, who stood next to me, and rattled on about my mother’s latest line. 

“I mean, it’s absolutely stunning.” I know it is. I was there when she designed it. “Any chance you have tickets to her next show?”

Ah, there it was. The brutal truth he reminded me of all those months ago. Every interaction was a strategic move to climbing the next prong on the social ladder. Everyone always wanted something. 

I used to fight that notion. I thought I was better than them because I actually cared about other people. My wealth did not define me nor how I treated other people, but despite every effort I made both before and after him, I realized none of it mattered. 

I couldn’t escape my wealth. It was permanently engraved into my body and no matter how hard I tried to scrub, it wouldn’t go away. I’ve now fully embraced that ugly truth and decided that I might as well use it to my advantage. I almost always had something that others wanted and I just had to figure out what they were willing to give. I didn’t need any more money, but there were things that were far more valuable. Favors, tickets to the hottest openings, plane rides. Since everyone already saw me as a spoiled little rich girl, I might as well play the part. 

‘Depends. Are those last season MIU MIU?” I asked, tossing a look at the shoes on her feet. 

“There from the season before-“ I pulled a face at her words. Before last season? I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing anything last season let alone the season before. 

“Oh honey, if those are two seasons old, then I highly doubt you have anything I want.” The shocked look on her face dulled the aching pain that seemed to permanently reside in my chest. 

“I can charter a plane-“

I raised my hand to silence her. “You don’t have your own?” 

What was she even doing here? 

This was a new little project of mine. I tossed away all those societal niceties that did little for me in the end. I still couldn’t get anyone to stay. This was much more fun. You’d be surprised by how much stuff you could get away with if you cut out all the bullshit.

Amy’s cheeks flushed red and maybe once I’d have felt bad or be disgusted by how I was treating her but I was numb. I realized nothing really mattered. Whether I was nice or rude, people all wanted the same things from me. At least this way, I could armor myself. 

“There’s my pretty girl.” Warm hands curled around my waist, tugging me against a hard body. 

I rolled my eyes. I wasn't his anything, Rafe knew that but he’s always had a flare for the dramatics. Tom Ford’s Noir de Noir filled my nose as I swatted at his hands, hands that I’ve grown quite familiar with. 

“You left me.” I shot him a bratty look, one he met head on with a smile. Amy still stood there awkwardly, clearing her throat in an obvious attempt to gain my attention. 

I turned around in Rafe’s arms, debating my next move. Almost immediately his chin came to rest on the top of my head while his arms curled around my front.

My eyes shot one last distasteful look at her outfit, before tossing out my arm in the opposite direction. “Shoo.”

She huffed before stomping away but not before shooting me one final glare. A look that would have made me cry before, but now it simply dinged off the impenetrable armor I’ve suited myself with. 

“I was hoping it’d build character, but clearly that didn’t work.” I could hear the smile in his words as he pressed a kiss on the top of my head. 

“The entire conversation was dull. She didn’t even have a jet, plus her shoes were two seasons ago.” I shuddered in disgust. Could never be me.

Rafe clutched his chest in mock disgust,”Not two seasons.” 

I let out a huff, my chest going warm at the teasing glint in his eye.

There was no spark. There were no butterflies. Just familiarity and warmth. It was safe. We both knew what this was and expected nothing more. For now, we were just having fun. Despite the fact that I spent most nights at his place and rarely found myself without him.

I’ve found somewhat of a friend in Rafe. Someone to share the burden of being from a family like ours. He understood me. He enjoyed shiny things just as I did. 

We spent a lot of our time going to the mainland because the idea of running into him still sent me to my knees. This was a small island. One that he was spending all his time running around with her instead of me. Rafe never said a word about it, never mentioned his sister or her pogue friends. And for that, maybe I do love him a little.

“You make fun of me now, but you’d still be wearing polo shirts and plaid shorts if it weren’t for me.” My hands smooth down the front of his linen light blue shirt, the first several buttons open paired with some black Gucci slacks and a black belt from Dolce & Gabbana. He no longer looked like a frat douche but a member of upper class society. 

The same can’t be said about his friends.

“C’mon. Top and Kelce want us over there.” Rafe grasped my hand and tugged me in the direction of drunken yells. I pursed my lips but trudged behind him. The idea of being thrown up on was less than appealing, but being by myself was even less appealing.

“Hey guys.” Rafe nodded at them, taking a seat on the adjacent couch, a table with all sorts of drugs littered on it in between them. 

The pair of them were obliterated, both their pupils blown wide and their speech slurred. That didn’t stop them from tossing me a sloppy grin and shouting a greeting. 

The spot next to Rafe was vacant but on the other end was a couple gnawing each other's faces off that had me scrunching my nose up in disgust. He surely didn’t expect me to sit next to that?

He didn’t even bat an eye, instead Rafe patted his lap, tugging at my hand to sit down. “Wanna drink, baby?” 

I nodded, deciding to once again indulge. It was better than feeling that stabbing pain that burned in my chest. It was a horrible solution but one that Rafe always supported, in fact he often took part in self-destructing with me. We were done with trying to be perfect for parents who couldn’t give less of a fuck. 

A red solo cup with a familiar yellow concoction was waved in front of me. The pungent scent of tequila burned my nose and I shot him a secret smile. Rafe’s blue eyes narrowed in on me, glued on my smile before he shook his head in amusement. 

“That’s the kinda night we’re going for?” He asked, his hand slowly gripping my thigh. 

“Unless you don’t want to?” I sighed dramatically, pushing his dark blonde strands back from his face, something I knew he loved. 

“If I ever say no to that question, feel free to shoot me.” 

A giggle escaped my lips as I tapped my cup against his before bringing it to my lips, tilting my head back and zeroing it out. 

The tequila left a burning trail down my stomach that I welcomed. It meant I was one step closer to not feeling anything at all. 

“Another?” Rafe’s eyes pointed at my now empty cup and I nodded. 

Being responsible was so overrated. 

Lifting his hand up, almost immediately two younger boys, about 16, appear. Rafe pointed at me, muttering something before the pair nodded and took off.

I raised my eyebrow at him, confused. 

He just shrugged, leaning forward to touch the golden pendant that hung from my neck. “I promised them tickets to the Charleston basketball game if they did whatever I said.”

“Why?” 

“I was bored,” He hummed in response,”This is new, it’s pretty..” 

I smiled back at him, the very picture of nonchalance, before replying,”Thank you. You bought it for me.” 

His ocean eyes rested on me, the infatuation clear as day that had my stomach clenching. “Course I did. I have great taste.” 

Rafe gave me his card about two months ago, not that I needed it, but he enjoyed taking care of me and I didnt mind. Plus, whenever he made me mad, I made sure to run the bill up, hoping for some type of reaction but it only left him amused. 

Nerves gnawed at my stomach at the intense eye contact. Maybe the lines have blurred slightly. Clearing my throat to try and break the tension, I tossed my hair over my shoulder. “Want to see what else you bought me?”

“Enlighten me.” 

I flashed him my freshly manicured nails, “What do you think?” 

Rafe caught my hand, a half smile painted on his face, and kissed it. “Is that passion pink?” 

“It’s actually bubblegum blush.” 

“Beautiful, baby. I love it.” His words burned into my chest. 

It was hard to describe. His approval had butterflies thrumming in my stomach. Maybe it was because we were stuck in similar situations, but his approval suddenly meant something to me. Being with him meant I wasn’t alone. 

“You know we’re right here, right?” Topper's voice cut through the tension and I let out a laugh, relieved to look away. 

“Fuck off.” Rafe laughed, regaining his composure as well. 

Topper leaned forward holding out a black AMEX for me to take. My eyes paused on the card before shooting him a flat look. 

“Are you kidding?” 

Topper gave me a blank look, not a thought behind those eyes. 

I rolled my eyes and stuck my nose up in mock outrage. “Rafe does it for me.” 

The annoyed look on Topper’s face sent a thrill through my body. He was the easiest to rile up and Rafe knew it as he hid his chuckle with a quick cough. 

The hand on my bare thigh slowly drew circles, the action almost unconscious, which had my brain blanking. It was a relief to not think. To not remember. To not feel. 

“Are your hands broken?” 

“No. I’m too pretty.” I shrugged, batting my lashes at him.

Topper openly scowled at me, his eyes dropping to where Rafe’s hands held me tightly. “What happened to the nice little girl who cried about everything?”

“Lay off.” Rafe snipped, leaning forward and snatching the AMEX out of his hand. His movements were quick and precise, with ease that only came with experience. 

He separated the coke into three lines, one for me and two for him, just like always. 

Bending over, I snorted the line quickly. Turning to hand Rafe the hundred dollar bill, his fingers dust off any remaining powder off my nose, before he bent over and did the same.

I leaned back into Rafe, the mixture of the tequila and the sting of the coke had me feeling sublime. It was a perfect balance. The alcohol got me warm and buzzed while the coke kept me awake and alert, an upper and a downer, a perfect description for every emotion in my body. 

“I grew up.” 

Topper hummed. “You certainly did.”

For the next hour, my mind never drifted to him. I enjoyed having thoughts that were my own, that didn’t revolve around him. Instead, my thoughts focused on the man below me. Rafe was always touching me. Even more so than usual, his hand never left my body once. If I let go of his hand to reach for my drink, he’s just moved it to my thigh. It was almost possessive which was odd, we didn’t do possessive. 

Every couple moments, he’d pause in the middle of a conversation to press small kisses anywhere his lips could reach. It seemed performative, but I just couldn’t prove it.

“You’re thinking too hard.” His hot breath hot against the shell of my ear. 

I said nothing for a moment before licking my lips and muttering,”Are you okay? You seem more clingy than usual?” 

He just nodded, pulling me to his hard chest, his eyes darting to the side. “I just like having you with me.”

The sentiment was sweet and my heart tugged at his words. But, I couldn’t let go of the feeling that I was missing something. “I like having you with me too.” I allowed myself to give him a sliver of vulnerability, something I’ve avoided like plague, because it was true. He made living just a bit easier.

My head began to spin as I felt the lines of our odd friendship begin to blur. I knew neither of us would admit the sudden shift but it was there. I could tell with each lingering gaze and those secret touches. Maybe there was something here. I just had to give in.

“I’m glad you came to your senses,” He responded, but once again his eyes are not on mine but darting around me. 

“What does that have to do with anything?” My voice comes out hushed, hoping it would get him to lower his voice. 

My smile from his previous confession dimmed. Nerves slowly began to surface as I tried to read between the lines.

“You do belong with me, at least that's what you scream every night, isn’t that right baby?” He was boasting, loud enough to have his boys give him lame-ass high fives. 

The small burst of happiness curdled like old milk in my stomach. I wasn’t a prude, not by a long shot, but I was a private person. Rafe knew this and he was still flaunting our private moments in a way that made me feel dirty. 

“Stop talking about me like that.” I said, “What’s gotten into you?” 

I felt Rafe go rigid under me. Frowning, I tilted my head back to make sure he was alright but his eyes were glued ahead. 

“Rafe, I’m here for my stuff. Where did you say you put it again?” 

My head turned and my stomach did a backflip. Sarah stood at the entrance of the room, looking immensely uncomfortable. 

John B stood behind her, his big brown puppy-like eyes widened at the sight of me on Rafe’s lap. Or maybe it was because of  the coke laid out in front of me? 

But wherever he was, JJ wasn’t far behind. John B whispered something in Sarah’s ear, her eyes jumped to me for a split second before returning to his. She nodded and John B made a beeline for the other room. 

I let out a choked laugh. I’m sure he was going to report back to his little lap dog. What were they even doing here in the first place? It’s not like Rafe knew-

My brain clicked into place. The constant need to touch me and the over the top PDA was because he was here. Rafe knew he was here and wanted to rub it in his face. 

Rafe’s words were never for me. They were for him.

None of this was real. Not the endearing names, not the proclamations of affection. An ice bucket of realization poured over me and I felt like a fool. A fool for thinking that somebody else could want me, could maybe even love me.

Fuck this. Fuck both of them. 

“You knew.” I accused, shoving his hands off of my body. 

Rafe said nothing, but the flicker in his eyes gave him away. I wasn’t safe with him either. Embarrassment oozed into me, the feeling painstakingly familiar. We agreed to never make each other feel this way since our parents did it enough, but he did it to me. 

Don’t think. Don’t feel. 

Snatching the cup out of his hand, I forced it down, gulp by gulp, wincing at the burn. Straight tequila. “Babe-“

“Shut up.” I hissed, moving off his lap and shoving Topper to move over. Everyone always wanted something from me. 

They never just wanted me.

Maybe I was defective. I had to be. 

JJ didn’t love me when I was me. When I cared about other people and sacrificed pieces of my happiness for them.

Rafe didn’t love me now. When I was a spoiled brat who treated everyone like a transaction. 

It didn’t matter if I was nice or a total raging bitch. Either way, I couldn't get anyone to love me.

I was just the stepping stone they used before they found the person they really wanted to be with. I was just there to make them feel good about themselves. For them to take and take just to toss me aside when they were done. Leaving me a shell of a person with no one, not even myself.

I guess, I was impossible to love.

“Line it up, Topper.”

“Can I at least get a please?”

“Be lucky that I’m even talking to you.”

Topper scoffed but did what I asked, lining up two lines of chalky white powder. “There you go, princess:” 

A rolled hundred dollar bill was held out in front of me. Plucking it out of his fingers. I bent over the table. Don’t think. Don’t feel. 

Dragging the cylinder bill down the crystal snow powder I’ve grown to love, I inhaled deeply. The chemicals flowing through the nose. I could practically feel the coke dissolving into my bloodstream, my body vibrating in response. 

Dropping the bill on the table, I tilt my head back, begging my brain to shut off. I closed my eyes and chose to focus on the beat of the music that had my heart thrumming in my chest.

Then it happened.

All the air in the room was sucked up. The hair behind my neck stood up and my body suddenly awakened in a way it hadn’t in months. 

My body recognized him before my brain did. The moment I opened my eyes, his eyes clashed with mine.

JJ.

It was like seeing him for the first time, a memory I thought I would never get the chance to feel again. 

Heavy set blonde brows framed his bright blue eyes beautifully, the strong cut jaw that was currently clenched, and his lips soft and pouty, tightly pressed in a flat line. This face, his beautiful face, wouldn’t be complete without some mark. A bruise, a soft purple and yellow hue, decorated his cheek bone. His bottom lip busted. 

He was so beautiful. 

My body reacted before my brain could follow. I stood up quickly, too quickly that the blood rushed to my head and the room seemed to spin. 

God, he was beautiful. And I fucking hated him for it. He was supposed to be like me, a complete and total mess, but instead, he looked the same, even better actually. 

That thought alone had me ready to jump off the balcony.

My movements were clumsy and I drunkenly stumbled while standing still, his eyes clocking that in seconds. 

Despite the loud music, I noticed the silence coming from the couch. 

My eyes jumped to Rafe. All the laughter around us died off and everyone was exchanging nervous looks. It didn’t take a genius to read the room and the situation I’ve somehow managed to put myself in. 

Blue eyes flickered between the two of us. It cracked my chest open wide and opened the floodgates I’ve been trying so hard to keep closed. 

The crushing inescapable weight of shame hit me first. I was plastered, obviously so, and high as a kite. The evidence of what I’d been doing displayed out in front of me like a flashing sign. And I was fucking the one guy he hated. 

It was unreasonable, I know. He left me and even pushed me in the direction of the one guy he hated and yet, I was the one feeling bad. He hasn’t even opened his mouth yet and it’s been turned onto me. But love never makes sense. It made the most sane people lose every coherent thought, I was the prime example.

“You should probably go, bro.” Rafe said, his tone was anything but. 

He moved from his spot on the couch and stopped beside me. Rafe shoved a hand in one pocket while the other reached for mine, but I folded my arms across my chest. Mostly because I was mad at him, but a part of me didn’t want JJ seeing that. 

JJ didn’t spare him a second glance.

He had on a dark blue short sleeve button down shirt with black cargos and chunky black boots on his feet. A backwards red hat settled nicely on the blonde mass of wavy hair and his shark necklace hanging against the exposed part of his chest. 

It was so JJ. All of it, right down to the colorful bracelets that littered his wrists. 

A hand grasped my chin and tilted up. I held my breath. His fingers slid along my jaw and he rubbed his thumb over the skin. His eyes felt like lasers, honing in on every detail of my face. 

I swallowed audibly. JJ leaned in closer, bringing his height down to mine. His thumb brushed a soft stroke below my nose while his lips brushed against my ear. 

“You had a little something on your nose.” 

JJ let go of my face, his expression hard. Then he brushed past me, leaving a gaping wound in his wake. 

Tears burned behind my closed eyes. He didn’t need to say it because I already knew what he was thinking. Sure, JJ smoked some weed but he never touched any of the hard stuff, not wanting to pick up the same habits as his dad. Hard drugs were a hard limit for him and he found me snorting several lines of it. 

I went and became the very thing he hated, just like he wanted. It didn’t feel as satisfying as I thought it would. Instead, I felt like I lost another piece of myself. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I said to Rafe, finally gathering the courage to open my eyes. 

He shuffled beside me. “Him being here wasn’t going to change anything.”

We both knew that was a lie.

“It’s him, Rafe. It changes everything for me.” 

Rafe scoffed and shook his head. “You’re really going to try and go back to that?”

“I’m not saying that-” I spluttered out, outraged as his voice continued to carry across the room. 

“He didn’t want you.” 

People around us began to whisper, their heads huddled together with their phones out. Wet hot tears threatened to fall as the control I took months to master began to unravel. 

“Yeah, well you don’t either.” 

“What the hell are you talking about? Before he got here, everything was perfect.”

“I’m not stupid. You think I didn’t notice what you were doing? That wasn’t for us, that was for him.”

“I didn't mean for you to think I was using you-“

I gripped his chin, and pulled his face down to my height, my eyes brimming with angry tears. “You don’t use me. I use you.” I shoved his face back, needing to collect my composure. 

Everyone’s eyes were on us and I was desperate to save face. It was the only thing I had left. 

“Get the fucking picture?”

“Crystal clear.” He responded through gritted teeth, his eyes hard. 

“If you want a whore, go buy one.” 

Rafe cleared his throat, his face iced over. “I thought that’s what I was already doing.”

I stood there for a moment, not understanding what I did to deserve to be treated like this by not one man but two. I felt like an idiot. Like the stupidest fucking person on this god forsaken planet. 

Two hours ago, I thought that maybe Rafe had feelings for me and played with the idea of exploring that with him. And now, I was a gold digging whore. 

I felt another piece of my heart break off, mourning the loss of the only friendship I really had.

Pressing my hair down with my hands, I look down to fix my dress, swallowing as I went, hoping to pull myself together and buy some time. 

“I’m glad to hear how little you think of me.” I sent him a sad smile,” I guess I’m keeping up with everyone’s expectations.” 

I stepped around him, heading to the direction of the bar, the adrenaline from all the excitement having effectively killed my buzz. 

Staring at the bottles of liquor on the counter had me frowning, all being some bottom shelf brand I’ve never heard of. I moved around the bar to the cabinets behind it, looking for the good tequila. It was the least Rafe could do seeing as though he just blew up whatever the fuck we were doing. 

Spotting the only tequila I drank, I grabbed the entire handle. Twisting the top off, I tossed it aside carelessly before taking a healthy swig. Then another. And another. 

I stumbled into another room, shoving people out of my way. I ignored the angry shouts because I was way past the point of caring. I just-I just wanted to see him.

As if someone heard my thoughts, I spotted JJ leaning against a wall with a lit joint dangled between his fingers and a beer in the other. 

He had so much charisma, it demanded the attention of the room. People gravitated towards him all the time but he refused to see himself that way. 

Even now, he stood surrounded by several people, including a girl who was too close for my liking, and they were hanging onto every word. All of their bodies angled towards him, nodding along. The people around them curiously moving in to hear more of the story that had so many of them laughing. 

It was almost ironic. It was the point I was trying to prove all those months ago. Kooks vs. Pouges was bullshit. Because, right now JJ is telling a story to a bunch of Kooks who were eating it right up. Neither parties cared about their status, they just wanted to socialize and have fun. 

Why couldn’t he see that? 

The organ in my chest began to flutter, the butterflies erupting in my stomach at his nearness. Panic began to set in. I thought I’d pushed it all down. 

All it took was seeing him. Just once. For the last couple months of progress to be thrown out the window. I made sure to not feel anything anymore, because the alternative destroyed me. And yet, there he stood, looking like every dream I’ve ever had, and completely disarming my very being with one look. 

I never wanted to feel that way again. My heart was open and my soul was bared, but I was naive. I thought love was supposed to be empowering. But really, it was poison. It slowly entered your bloodstream, coating every vein before slowly taking over every organ. It leaked into your brain and made you lose all common sense. The poison tricked you into thinking that certain treatment was okay because at least they were here. At least, they still wanted to be with you because they love you, right? 

But eventually, like all things lacking an antidote, it began to cut off your oxygen. It curled around your lungs and squeezed until you gasped for breath with tears staining your face. It didn’t matter how much you screamed and shouted, nothing came out. The last organ it takes over is your heart. That silly little organ who was so trusting begins to pump faster, desperately trying to get that oxygen to your brain, because maybe then you’ll finally be able to think clearly. But in the end, it slows down. Each pump is slower than the last until finally it comes to a stop. The heart broke. 

It’s the closest thing to dying I’ve ever experienced.

It was like drowning on dry land.

His words did not leave me dented, but destroyed. 

I lost my sense of myself. I lost my identity. I put on a performance every time I left my house, wanting to see just how far I could get away with treating people the same way they treat me. 

At first it didn’t feel good, but now I didn’t feel anything at all. Or so I thought until I saw him again. And I just want to see that he was doing okay and maybe, if I can admit it, to see if he still loved me, however little that may be.

I watched from my spot on the other side of the room as the crowd began to disperse, leaving JJ with some blonde. I vaguely recognized her from a shoot for one of my mom’s brands. I believe her parents worked in the fashion industry as well. Which would have been fine, had she not said something that had him give her one of those rare smiles, the ones he used to give me in private. 

Nausea roiled in my stomach, maybe it was all the tequila or maybe it was seeing him smile at someone else when all I wanted was for him to smile at me. 

She leaned into him, a coy smile played her lips, running her fingers down the shirt I bought him, which basically made it mine. And I hated when people touched my things.

The mix of tequila and coke emboldened me. I found my feet moving in their direction before I could stop myself. 

“I wouldn't waste your time.” I could not get myself to stop talking.

“Why’s that?” The blonde’s eyes narrowed, her cheaply manicured hand resting on JJ’s bicep.

“JJ doesn’t go for kooks or so I’ve been told.” 

“Maybe he just didn’t go for you.” Oh, how cute. 

“Oh honey,” I sighed dramatically and took one step towards her, tilting my head to the side, dragging my eyes up her body, in obvious distaste. “Are you new here?”

“Well, yeah but-“ She tried to explain. 

Clearly, she needed a run through on how the social ladder worked here. I was at the top and everyone else was at the bottom. 

“Your mom works for some brand from Paris right?” I watched as her eyebrows pulled together in confusion. 

“She does. We moved here because she’s doing a collab with-“

“With my mom.” 

“So I suggest you take your hand off of him,” I smiled on cue, my tone dipped in sugar before batting my eyelashes at her innocently,” Unless you want her blacklisted?” 

I could see her debating what to do. She didn’t know if I was bluffing but she'd learn rather quickly just how far I was willing to go. 

“Hmm, cute shoes.” I hummed, “Chanel?” 

She nodded, apprehension on her face. 

“Won’t be able to buy those anymore if your mom doesn’t have a job.” 

Her hand fell and satisfaction settled into my like molten lava. “You can go now.” 

The blonde pursed her lips and stalked off, leaving me alone with JJ. “Trying a new type”

“And what type would that be?”

“Desperate.”

JJ tipped his mouth, saluting me before taking a sip of his drink. His eyes already glazed over from the joint in his hand. 

“A thank you would be nice?” I muttered, taking another pull from my tequila. I couldn’t talk to him sober or I’d lose my nerve.

“A thank you?” He appeared almost amused, adjusting his red hat. 

“Yeah, I just saved you.”

“I didn't realize I needed saving.” 

“Self-preservation was never really your strong suit was it?” 

JJ laughed, his eyes straying to the bottle cradled in my arms. “I could say the same thing, Princess.” 

Fuck him for calling me that. So what, I’ve learned to indulge just a little. It made everything in my life a little more manageable. 

“It’s called having fun, JJ.” Pouting as he snatched the bottle from arms just as I went to take another shot. “Since when did you become the responsible one?”

JJ leveled me with an unamused stare. 

I huffed, blowing a stray strand of hair out of my face. “Tough crowd.”

JJ snorted, pushing the leaves of a nearby plant back before dumping the remaining tequila. My mouth dropped open as he wasted every last drop of my liquid courage. 

How the hell was I going to talk to him now? 

I pursed my lips, “That was mean.”

“I’m doing what your boyfriend should have done an hour ago.” His gaze fixed on my face, the intense stare causing my cheeks to turn red. God, would he stop staring at me?

“He doesn’t tell me what to do.”

“Then he shouldn’t have left you alone.” His tone laced with annoyance, “You have all these fuckers staring at you and you’re wasted.”

I tilted my head back to stare up at him, the annoyance I knew came from a place of panic. That was just how JJ was wired. 

“So you’re in love with me?” Someone come arrest me, because I cannot keep my mouth closed.

JJ shook his head clearly fighting back a smile. “You’re so crazy.” 

“What else could that mean?” I asked truthfully and I knew I had a love struck smile on my face. One that I’ve only given to one man in my life and he stood in front of me.

I just wanted to be near him. I wanted to hear his laugh and see him smile.

His face softened at my words. “Are you okay? Does he take care of you?”

“Of course, I’m okay. Why do you ask?”

“Only one of us is fucking loaded.” 

I rolled my eyes and plucked the joint from his fingers. “Correct me if I’m wrong, and we both know I rarely am, are you not high too?” 

“Not from cocaine.”

“Already back to judging so soon?” I mused, taking a hit off the joint, the familiar stinging sensation wrapped around my lungs and squeezed. “Careful, I might think you care.”

Kill me now. Thank god, he took away the tequila.

“Who said I ever stopped?” My heart lurched in my throat.

I blew the smoke out slowly, my fogged up brain rushing to keep up with his words. 

Someone stumbled in front of me, slamming into my shoulder sending me flying forward into JJ’s arms. Something cold and wet splattered onto me, the bitter liquid dripping down my legs.

“Are you blind?” I shouted, shoving another drunk party goer off me. Looked like a tourist. 

She held her hands up in apology.

“I’m so sorry. Here, let me help.” To my absolute horror, this fucking tourist used a napkin and went to scrub the stain. Are these people animals? This was custom versace.

“Stop!” My cheeks flushed, from the weed or from my constant streak of bad luck. “Clearly, you’ve never owned anything worth keeping but this is Versace, you dick.”

I needed to go home before I burned this entire house down. 

“Is that how you talk to people now?”

I let out a loud groan. “Oh fuck off, JJ.”

I shoved him away from me, before grabbing the skirt of my dress and heading into the nearest bathroom, which just so happened to be Rafe’s. 

In reality, I just needed to get away from him. I needed my hands to be busy so that I couldn't grab his face and kiss him. Because I really wanted to do that. 

The sound of footsteps have my eyes widening in panic as I take in my ruined dress. All because of that blonde asshole next to me, if he hadn’t showed up, I’d still have my tequila and my sanity.

“I wanted to talk.”

I made a noise at the back of my throat. That didn’t sound like JJ at all.

“Fine, whatever. Close the door.” I didn’t need a million other people to see me lose my shit. I was already at my quota for the day. 

Jj stared at me with a confused look. “Close the door.” I nearly shout as the footsteps get closer but he moves just as quickly and slammed it shut, putting the lock in place.

“I just got this piece too.” I grumbled, huffing at the stained skirt. It was the Medusa 95’ Cut Out Mini dress in a stunning pastel pink. And now ruined with a beer stain from that horrible girl outside. 

“I remember this one.” JJ spoke from behind me. Of course he did. He remembered everything I bought. 

He always demanded fashion shows after all my shopping trips. He knew nothing about clothes but he always paid attention to me. He used to sit for hours while I prattled on and on about clothes.

“Unzip me?” 

“I’m sorry?” He choked out, setting his beer down.

“I need to clean it before it stains. Unzip me.” 

In hindsight, I was goading him. I wanted to see what he would do. I could tell he was already on edge since seeing me with Rafe. I wondered what a little push would do.

Neither of us moved for a beat. JJ puffed out a breath from his cheeks before he walked toward me slowly. I remained stock still, watching his every move in the mirror.  “It’s not like you haven’t seen it all before.” 

My heart fluttered at his nearness. Something I wanted since the minute he turned around and left. Home, I wanted my home back.

I jumped up at the feel of his warm breath against the back of my neck, goosebumps rising instantly. The tug of the zipper had me swallowing the lump in my throat. His other finger caressing every inch of skin, the zipper surrendered. 

The sound of the zipper stopped but he never dropped his hand. Instead, I watched as JJ swallowed before lifting his head, those storming blue eyes connecting with mine in the mirror. 

I stood on my Magda Butrym Appliquéd satin sandals and a flimsy pair of tiny panties. 

“I feel like this is a test.” I watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed.

“Is it?” I mused, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. 

“Yeah and I’m failing.” 

The pads of his thumb brushed along my bottom lip, dragging it down slowly. My lips parted as a soft whimper escaped. 

“You’re still so beautiful, it hurts.” He murmured, almost angry with the revelation. 

Blistering hot satisfaction dripped over me. 

JJ’s other hand grazed my bare back, the contact immediately chasing my back to arch. Sparks of sensitivity erupted from my skin as my body trembled with hot desire. 

His hand moved higher, gripping onto my hair before wrapping the long strands around his hand, tugging my head back, demanding my attention. 

He stared at me with heavy lids, eyes like ocean blue blades. My body began to heat up. 

JJ’s eyes dropped back to my lips causing me to the lick them quickly. He backed me up against the Jack and Jill sink, my back resting against the cool granite counter. 

I blinked slowly, making the decision for him, angling my head up and smashing my lips to his. 

A groan ripped from his chest as he met my kiss with the same crippling desperation. His rough hands dropped from my face to my hips, his nails digging crescent shaped marks in the skin. 

My legs began to slightly shake as his tongue finally brushed against mine. Oxygen was something neither of us needed as we fed off each other's energy. 

His tongue licked and twirled around my own, another moan vibrating between us. JJ’s large hand trailed up skin, goosebumps appearing in its wake, before locking around my throat. 

His grip was strong, not enough to cut off my oxygen but enough to garner my attention. He pulled me up to my tippy toes by my neck, my nipples brushing against the rough fabric of his shirt making me gasp at the contact. His mouth clashed with mine once more, his lips wrapped around my tongue, sucking gently before pulling back and biting out a curse. 

My hands were desperate as they began to unbutton his shirt quickly, pushing the fabric off his shoulders. JJ whipped off the shirt just as my hands began reaching for his shorts, my fingers fumbling with the button. 

The laugh he let out was devastating. His smile was purely lethal for my heart. “We got all the time in the world, princess.” 

My stomach clenched at the nickname he gave me all those years ago. But, we didn’t. We both knew this moment would end the minute we came to our senses. 

JJ unbuttoned his pants and dropped them in one smooth movement before pressing his warm body against mine once more.

“Up, baby.” My arms wrapped around his neck immediately, my nose grazing his. JJ gripped my thighs tight as he placed me on top of the counter. 

He rested the palm of his hands on either side of me, enclosing my frame, daring me to move. JJ leaned down, his lips leaving phantom kisses along my collarbone, nipping as he went along. He stopped at the swell of my breasts, both hands encasing my heavy aching breasts before pressing them together. 

He pressed scorching hot, open-mouthed kisses on every inch of exposed skin. His tongue pressing against my swollen nipples before closing around one and giving a strong suck. I was a mess beneath him, my chest heaving with heavy pants. 

He nipped and tugged at the soft flesh of my breasts, leaving small purple love bites scattered on my chest. He pressed a kiss on each one, a pleased hum echoing within the bathroom. 

JJ dropped to his knees slowly, each hand running down my bare legs. I wanted to see him. 

I leaned back on the palm of my hands and arched my back in a teasing invitation. Pulling my legs from his grasp, I propped my feet up on the counter, but kept my knees bent, the tops touching.

The utter obsession that painted his face had me biting down on my lip hard enough to draw blood. “Please, Jayj.”

He stood stock still, similar to a statue. It looked like he almost stopped breathing as I slowly pushed my knees apart. I was drenched, I could feel myself soaking the skimpy fabric of my thong, my thighs glistening with the evidence of my arousal. 

JJ’s eyes went black, locking in on my wet pussy before jumping back up to me. His hands found my thighs and roughly dug into the skin to keep my legs from closing. 

He leaned forward, his index finger hooking the front of my thong before curling the fabric and tugging it up roughly between my lips. “Fuck.” I mewled, watching as he pressed his face between my legs and inhaled deeply. 

I could feel my clit throbbing, needing to be touched. With one more tug, JJ slaps the side of my thigh, having me lift my hips up to take the last piece of fabric off my body. An insatiable grin formed on his face that went straight to my clit.

The first touch onto my lips had my hips shooting off the counter, his touch like electricity. He blew a breath against the aching skin, his hot mouth watering at the sight of me. Two fingers pushed apart my drenched folds, rubbing against the sensitive skin again and again, turning me into a mindless puddle. 

He smirked at my trembling legs. “You okay, baby?”

“Fuck off.” I responded through gritted teeth, trying to gather myself. 

He dipped forward, gathering saliva before slowly spitting it out, the stream of spit pattering against my spread lips. The sound was obscene. 

“That’s not very nice.” 

Tears of frustration began to build up as I discarded my hands into those loose blonde strands, knocking his hat off. “You love it.”

The grin he sent me was feral and I knew this was exactly what I needed. “I sure do, princess.”

He enclosed his mouth against my swollen clit and sucked roughly, a loud shout erupting from the depths of my chest. JJ parted my lips again, forcing his tongue inside and out, again and again, devouring every inch of my pussy. 

My cunt clenched against his tongue making him moan loudly. My body was burning as he swirled his tongue along the bundle of nerves once more. Another cry left me as I tried to find something to grab onto. His tongue lapped up all the fluids that continued to come out and I found myself forgetting how to breathe. 

I pushed his face deeper, grinding against his nose that continuously rubbed against my clit, my fingers tugging at his hair, needing a release. The knot in my lower stomach began to tighten as I whispered his name again and again like a prayer. The sound of my breathy pleas spur him on as he slipped two fingers in my pussy, meeting no resistance. 

The squelching noises had me throwing my head back against the mirror which had begun to fog up. I clenched around his large fingers that rubbed against my sensitive walls wanting him to lose control. 

JJ curled his fingers upward causing my knees to buckle and my mind go blank. I was close and he knew based on the tremors the shook my legs. I could barely hold myself up as everything went fuzzy. 

A choked moan escaped my lips that curled into a ‘o’ as his mouth sucked that rigid spot of flesh while his fingers continued to hammer into me. The invisible band snapped and as a wave of pleasure washed over me. My body finally began to relax as I tried to catch my breath, my chest rising and falling dramatically. 

I spared a glance at him. JJ’s eyes were low, eyes pitch black and glued to my face, and his cheeks flushed red. He looked pussy drunk. 

“Looks like I have to clean you up.” He mumbled against the flesh of my thighs. My eyes rolled to the back of my head as his hot tongue began to catch all the arousal that dripped down my thighs. I was sensitive and tried to move back, but his hands locked around my thighs to keep them open. Shives forced their way up my spine as he lapped all my fluids up, humming as he went along, not leaving one bit of skin untouched. JJ pressed one last kiss before pulling back and licking his lips.

My heart hammered through my chest and vaguely though my haze of pleasure did I hear a murmur.

“Huh?” I felt him smile against my thigh, clearly finding my delirious state funny.

“Barry, man, have you seen her?” Rafe’s voice drifted under the door. 

I froze at the sound of his voice, my eyes darting to JJ who just smirked from his spot between my legs. 

“She’s right here, man.” JJ whispered, straightening up to press a kiss on the crown of my head. I shook my head at him, my eyes wide with a silent plea, but JJ disregarded it. 

 “She’s a little busy at the moment.” 

I shook my head, pressing my palm against his mouth, his next words coming out muffled. He never knew when to shut up. The last thing I needed was Rafe finding us in his bathroom.

I kept my hand on JJ’s mouth until footsteps faded and we were alone once again. 

JJ nipped at the palm of my hands, his tongue slipping out. My face screwed up as I let out a squeal, “Ew, Jayj.” 

“Shouldn’t have tried to shut me up to protect your boyfriend’s feelings.” He said the words lightly, but I could hear the slight edge in his tone. 

Pushing him off my softly, I hopped off the counter with shaky legs. “Since when do you care about Rafe’s feelings?”

I winced as I tried to take a step, my knees nearly knocking together from the aftershock. JJ always left me a shaking disheveled mess afterwards, but I felt lighter, because he was looking at me the way he used to. 

And, I wanted that to last just a bit longer. 

“I don’t care about his feelings-“ He scoffed, before pausing at the teasing smile on my lips. “You’re fucking with me.”

“Too easy.” I let out a shriek of laughter as JJ's arms wrapped around my waist, lifting me up in the air.

That was how I found myself sweaty, pressed against Rafe’s sheets, struggling to breathe. The violent sound of skin slapping echoing in the room, my raspy moans intertwining with his hot pants. 

One of JJ’s hands gripped the back of my head, pinning me to the mattress, the other pushing down on my back, forming a deep arch, to pull his cock in deeper. 

I couldn’t register anything he was muttering as he bottomed out since of me, my mind go blank. My walls spasmed against him with each rut of his hip, sucking him back in every time he pulled back. 

I was soaked, my pussy dripping around him. The sopping wet noises spurring him on, his pace quickening with those deep purposeful strokes. 

I couldn’t focus on anything but him. The smell; the feel of him. The way his cock continued to brush against my cervix made me borderline delicious. 

“Fuck,” JJ shuddered, rolling his hips in and out of my pussy had me clamping around him once more, a tidal wave beginning to build up inside me. 

 I whimper left me, the coil in my stomach pulling tight as I searched for a release. The tip of his cock pressed into me repeatedly, forcing my legs to shake once more. 

My hands searched for something to hold onto as I tried to anchor myself from being drowned in pleasure. “J. J, I-I cant-I’m gonna-“

I felt his pace begin to pick him, his cock twitching inside me as he continued his movements, grinding his hips against the globes of my ass, until there was no space between us. 

It was like he was imprinting himself into my skin. Like he didn’t want me to forget him. 

As if I could ever forget JJ Maybank. 

My whines got louder, his words becoming more and more depraved. His large calloused hands ran all over my body like he was etching it to memory. 

Quick and quiet gasps bled from my parted lips, as he hammered into me from behind, his hands lacing with mine against the sheets. 

The coil in my stomach snapped, white flash blinding my vision, this orgasim more intense than the first. I could feel myself coating his hips and upper thighs, fluids dripping on the sheets. 

I could hear JJ’s voice whine, he began to babble nonsense under his breath, with each languid thrust. 

My heartbeat was in my ears as I pushed my hips back to match his thrusts, wanting him to finish despite all my sensitivity coming to head. His nails dug my hips, my cunt suffocating as he continued to grunt his cock into me. 

“Fuck, Kiara.” His grunt echoed in the room.

Kiara? 

I went numb. I couldn’t breathe-I couldn’t, I needed-

Bile coated my throat as whatever childish hope I had shriveled up in my chest. So I laid there, not knowing what to do, as JJ continued to pump in and out of me, but the soft intimacy we shared before dissipated. 

Why did no one ever pick me? Why didn’t anyone want me? 

I let my body go limp even though everything in me wanted to shove him off, but I just couldn’t get myself to move.

That was all it took for JJ to realize the slip of his tongue. JJ froze behind me as I shoved my face into my arms and choked on a gut wrenching sob. 

“Fuck, I-hold on,” JJ’s panick was audible as he slowly pulled out of me. I cupped my mouth to try and muffle the scream I wanted to let out. 

His blue eyes widened in horror at his mistake but it was too late. The words were already burned into my mind, replaying on a torturous loop.

JJ’s hand reached out for me, but I shrank back, scrambling to the headboard, desperate to put distance between us. 

I curled into myself, pressing my back hard against the headboard, willing for myself to disappear. 

“What did you just call me?” My chin wobbled. I tried to remind myself to breathe but with each inhale, my lungs were saturated with pain. 

“I-That was an accident.” He stuttered, raking his hands through his hair roughly.

“Get out.” 

“It just slipped out, I didn’t mean it.” 

“Get the hell out, JJ.” I yelled, and pointed at the door with a shaky finger. 

Like I said, his words never dented me, no they completely destroyed me. They cut me like a freshly honed razor blade.

And I was going to die of blood loss if I didn’t get him to leave this room. He had no problem leaving me then, why was he fighting it now?

Was he thinking about her the whole time he was inside me? 

Thought after thought haunted me. Was he comparing our bodies? Was he comparing the sex? 

Mortification had my stomach churning as I debated what to do next. My body was wound tight, on the verge of hyperventilating. 

Did he love her? Did he love her like he used to love me? Did he fuck her the way he fucked me?

I hated him. Before him, none of these thoughts would have crossed my mind. I may have been alone but at least I liked who I was. I never would have questioned myself the way I am now. But after him, the only thing I hated more than him was myself.

“Was Kiara not available,” I murmured, “so you came to the one person you knew would say yes?”

JJ didn’t find my joke funny. The air was tense, as if we were trapped in a steamed up bathroom, making each breath harder than the last.

“Kie and I aren’t together.”

“JJ, you know where the door is. Use it.” 

“I don’t want to leave.” He shook his head, his eyes flickering with something heavy. 

“You had no problem doing it before.”

“That was-“ JJ squeezed his eyes shut, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

He shuffled closer to my body, but still wasn't touching me. I nibbled on my bottom lip and wiped the remaining tears from my cheeks hastily. 

“I’m sorry.” He said, clearing his throat. “I am so so sorry.”

I lost my grip completely as those eyes perverted mine. His eyes were so blue, it was easy to get lost in them. 

Words couldn’t find their way out of my mouth. With wary eyes, I watched as he stood up and disappeared in the bathroom before appearing again with his shirt. 

JJ reached for me before pausing, his eyes asking a silent question. I nodded, forcing myself to loosen the grip I had on the sheets. 

I let him put the shirt on me, its protection better than the flimsy sheet. JJ dropped his head on my chest, his tan arms wrapped around my waist, curling himself into me. 

“I’m sorry.” 

I was sorry too. I waited for months for him to be back in my arms, but he ruined every independent thought I had. I couldn’t stop the overthinking. I couldn’t stop the pain.

I was hurting too, but I was the one comforting him. I was always the one comforting him. What about me?

I laid on the soft sheets and stared up at the ceiling. Our heavy breathing echoing in an otherwise silent room. His heavy arm tossed over naked torso, his fingers softly tracing the curve. The whisper of his breath caressing the nape of my neck where his face was buried. The familiar tickle of his golden strands brushing against my nose, his coconut shampoo wafting my senses.

The JJ induced haze began to clear up and the ugliness began to set in. 

A single tear escaped my eye, its trailing burning it’s way down the side of my face. I loved him. Even after he willingly abandoned me. After he humiliated me in front of everyone. After he called me her name.

I couldn’t cut him out. It didn’t matter what he did to me, the minute we’re within the same vicinity, my self preservation disappeared. Then I was left, treading water in the middle of a storm, with nothing but a life jacket. 

I had no one to blame but myself in this situation. I knew how he spoke to me, how easily he left me, how embarrassed he was of me. But he just smiled and it was like everything melted away. 

I so badly wanted to feel again, but not like this.

So all I can do is lay here. In this bed. With a boy who made me hate the kind person that I was. 

I made my bed. I didn’t realize this was how I’d feel when I lied in it. I turned into someone I hated. And suddenly I was bone-tired, exhaustion suffocating my lungs. I had no idea who I was and I was tired of being someone I wasn’t. 

“Where are my clothes?” I said. God, I needed to leave this room before Rafe found me. 

“I wasn’t really focused on that part, babe.” JJ mumbled, burrowing himself deeper into my side. 

My stomach lurched. I thought I’d feel different. I thought that maybe this would fix everything. That in some deluded way, we would get back together and everything else didn’t matter. Like he didn’t leave me standing at the party after stomping on my chest.

“I need them.” I mumbled. I choked down the need to throw up. The feel of our sweat coating my body and his soft breaths against my skin had me almost hyperventilating. 

Home, he used to be home. But, I’ve never felt like more of a stranger than in his arms right now. This was no longer my home. 

Kook pussy. Daddy issues.

I fucked up. Fuck, I fucked up. 

This only made me feel worse. I was good enough to fuck, but not enough to stay. 

“What are you in such a hurry for?” His fingers paused their persistent movement. 

“I have to get back-“

“To who?” JJ snapped. 

I moved to sit up, dragging the sheet with me as I avoided his gaze. “You know who.”

He didn’t need to know that Rafe and I basically ended. I just wanted him to hurt in the same way I did.

He let out a scoff. “You can’t be serious?” 

“Dead serious.” 

“This isn’t like you-“

“You left. You don’t know who I am anymore.” 

“Clearly,” he chuckled under his breath, “But suddenly Rafe does?”

I shrugged. “He’s my friend.”

“I don’t give a fuck who he is-“

I tuned him out. I was too busy trying to get his actual voice out of my head. 

Kiara. Not me. Kiara. Not me. 

It had taken every bit of strength to not chase after him that day. To not call and text, begging for him to give me the time of day. And I know, I know I should be stronger. I know I should have said good riddance and moved on, but love was never simple. 

When I saw him tonight, I thought that maybe it was fate. So all the waiting, all the practice of self control paid off because he came back. But, was this what was waiting for me?

“You slept with me,” I said, “ but you’re thinking about her?”

I didn’t want to know the answer, but I had to ask it. It was just one of a million questions I had since the day he walked away. Was there something I could have done differently?

I was wracking my brain to see where I had gone wrong, but maybe I just fell in love with the wrong person.

“From what I hear, you don’t care about anything these days. Why would you care about this?” I couldn’t detect any emotion in his words, just cold hard facts. 

I really was out here exceeding everyone’s expectations of me. 

But, he had to know that when it came to him, I always cared too much. That’s why his words caused another jagged piece of my heart to puncture my chest.

“Why would I care?” I whispered, shaking my head at him. “Are you listening to yourself?” 

Had I deluded myself so much into thinking we experienced the same love in our relationship? How could he even question that. Everything I did was always for him.

“I care about you, that never changed.”

Something pained flickered through his gaze. “Care about me? Yet your fucking Rafe Cameron.” 

“You’re mad about that?” I choked on a humorless laugh,”Let me jog your memory real quick since apparently you’ve got amnesia, you were the one that told me to be with him.” 

“Well, I didn’t think you’d actually do that to me.”

I threw my arms up in the air, exasperated,”Then why say it at all? Wait, I forgot who I’m talking to. You’re the king of saying shit you don’t mean.” 

“Saying shit and actually doing it are two different things.”

“Well, you did do it Jayj.” My lungs hitched. 

His jaw tightened, tension seeping out of him in waves. 

“You left. You did the one thing you promised you’d never do. You didn’t even look back as you did it.” I shouted, tears blurring my vision as my body continued to shake from adrenaline. “All because what? Rafe hurt your feelings? Because I have more money than you?”

I wanted to understand him. I thought I did once, but the more I thought about our breakup the more I saw it had nothing to do with me. And everything to do with him.

“Do me a favor and grow up. This is the real world. You’d swap places with any one of us in a second if you could.” 

JJ narrowed his eyes. “I don’t want any part of your world. I thought I made that clear.”

“I’m aware. But I was there, remember? For every bonfire, for every boat ride with you and your friends. What was it you guys said again?” It rushed out of me, “to going full kook?”

He watched me stoically, his fingers tugging at his bracelets. 

“I guess you’re the only one that can have the money in the relationship?” I raised my eyebrow at him, waiting for him to respond. 

The beautiful blonde boy that seeped into my bloodstream and made me love him. But, ruined us in the process. He destroyed everything he touched. 

He pressed the heel of his palms against his eyes, 

“What happened?”

“You want to know what happened? You fucking happened.”

That familiar anger flared in his eyes and I knew exactly what he was going to do. What he always did to me, but this time, I wasn’t going to let him erase me. Not again.

“Let’s talk about who you turned into?” JJ spat vehemently. “What? Rafe buys you a nice purse and you’re suddenly snorting lines of coke?” 

“It was actually a couple purses.” 

JJ shot daggers at me. “So what? You’re proud of that?” No, I only wanted someone to care about me if I died.

“I’m only doing what you told me, I’m sorry you don’t like the person you turned me into.”

I didn’t like her much either. But, JJ never gave me more and I realized he would never give me more, no matter how much I pushed. No matter how hard I tried to get him to see that I was the one he should be with. 

It pained me that it took all of this for me to realize that there were parts of JJ he would never let anyone have. 

“Why are you still here?” I said quietly. “I’m not going to let you sit here and make me feel like shit for how I chose to cope with what you broke.” 

I was done giving the men in my life power over me. I needed to stand on my own two feet even if that meant I had to do it alone. 

“Feel like shit?” JJ nodded his head with mock outrage,” Princess, you just let me fuck you in your boyfriend’s bed. I think you feel like shit already.” 

He was right, but I still recoiled back at the venom he spat at me. I sagged with exhaustion. He was just lashing out the way he always did.

“I didn’t know, JJ.” My voice cracked. “I-I didn’t know. I just did what I thought I was supposed to do.”

JJ’s head snapped up at the waver in my voice. His ocean eyes showed a clear battle, one I knew he’d lose. “S-Sometimes it just felt like I wasn’t good enough.”

His confession broke me. I knew the thoughts that ravaged his brain only because those same thoughts now drown in mine.  

My fingers twisted the hem of the shirt that my body was swimming in, a nervous tic I never got rid of. “But I never said that to you, you listened to everyone but me. You were more than enough.”

A tortured look passed his face, like the obvious miscommunication had disrupted everything. “I thought I was being paraded around to prove a point.”

I roughly wiped the tears that kept falling, “It’s okay to not want to struggle for everything in your life, JJ. You were exhausted and I just wanted to help you.”

“I didn’t know. I-just didn’t know.” I continued to repeat.  And I didn't. I had no experience with love. I wanted him to have the world since he was born with less than most people I knew, yet he deserved so much more.

“You let your friends help you, I don’t understand how I was any different.”

His blonde hair was sticking up in multiple directions, a clear sign of his obvious distress. "Because they’re my family."

Irremediable sorrow burrowed in my chest. "But, I was your family too."

I felt layers of grief his me in waves, quick and hard, one after the other as I came to terms with the fact that JJ never considered me any part of his family.

"You were the only family I ever had. I thought I was your family.” I sniffled, my ribs began to ache from the constant crying. 

A loud crack had me jump back as Rafe bursted into the room, chest heaving from exertion. He paused, his eyes locking in on the messed up sheets before dragging over to me and scanning my disheveled appearance. 

I thought we hit a milestone. JJ finally started talking and letting me know exactly what was going on in that brain of his. And maybe, that would be enough for me, for now. This all happened because JJ didn’t know how to communicate and I knew that wasn’t his fault, but at one point he needed to grow up. 

I was willing to hold his hand while he did it. But I watched as JJ’s eyes clocked the necklace Rafe wore with my initials. His gaze narrowed at the purse in his hand and my car keys in the other. 

The jealousy was evident in the way he rolled his shoulders back, his face granite. “Cute necklace.”

Rafe smirked, tilting his head to the side. “Thanks. It looks even better swinging in her face.”

JJ’s cool demeanor dropped, his blue eyes darkened into a brewing storm. “Enjoy my seconds, bro.” He clapped Rafe on the chest. 

My heart popped in my chest at his words, another bandage would do little to fix the shards that once resembled a heart. And, I knew then, that JJ confirmed the conclusion I just came to myself. 

“JJ?”

“What?”

“You were right. I do deserve better than you.” 

Loving him cost me something much greater: myself. 

I couldn’t continue to hide myself in any man that told me pretty words. I was no longer my own person, just a mere extension of them. One that they treated poorly and only took out when they were bored. I was always willing to do what they would never do for me.

I was just a girl, in love with an extraordinary boy who couldn’t see past all the things he was not.

I walked over to where Rafe was, forcing myself to remember his cruel words also. It was the only way I could get myself to walk out of here. My eyes lingered on the necklace for a second before I pulled my keys from his grasp and grabbed my purse. 

I wore nothing but JJ’s shirt, but at the moment I couldn’t care less. I left my clothes in Rafe’s bathroom, deciding it was better to leave them then spend another second in either of their soul sucking presence. I could always buy another dress. 

I couldn’t buy another me. Not if I kept letting these boys break me. 

This time, I was the one that never looked back.

Side note: I WROTE THIS THREE TIMES so pls pls pls be nice to me. I tried to incorporate a lot of people's ideas. I know the OC is very wishy washy but she's so real for that.

TAG LIST: @maybankslover @theficshop @cantbecreative @plk-18

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[our-happygirl500-fan]

An ongoing debate within the fandom is whether or not Leo fell on purpose during the episode Lair Games

Leo: Donnie? Donnie are you okay?

Donnie: You did this! You’ll do anything to win! My ankle! My moment!

Some people have said that Leo might have fallen on purpose in order to win due to his competitive nature while others have said that Leo looked too surprised at Splinter declaring him the winner of the event to have fallen on purpose. 

Splinter: Purple hit the ground first! Blue wins!

Other arguments used for Leo having not fallen on purpose are that the fall most likely hurt for Leo as well as Donnie & that Leo would never intentionally actually hurt a family member considering how important family is to Leo. A counter argument for this have been people saying that Leo didn’t mean to hurt Donnie by falling & that was the only part that was an accident.

However there is a piece of evidence that might mean that Leo did not fall on purpose & that is his family thinking that he did do it on purpose.

Mikey: And that’s when Leo fell, or did he?

April: So you think he did it on purpose?

Mikey: [Nods]

Donnie: It was Leo! He did it on purpose!

Leo: I’m only talking to you to set the record straight, I didn’t do it on purpose! I mean how could I? I had half a fridge on my chin!

Donnie: I’m sorry can I have a moment?

In the episode Lair Games most of the Hamato Clan seem convinced that Leo fell on purpose with Donnie & Mikey even saying so & April arguably taking Donnie’s side in the interviews. However a running gag within Rise is that whenever one of Leo’s family members try to make assumptions on what Leo’s doing we’re shown Leo doing basically the opposite of what they’ve just said.

Raph: Hey! Where’s Leo?

Mikey: I’m sure wherever he is, he’s trying to save us

Raph: Leo probably talked his way straight into Big Mamma’s dungeon 

Whenever Leo’s family tries to predict what Leo will do, Leo’s family is almost always wrong whenever they try to assume Leo’s actions. In contrast when Leo tries to guess his families actions, he is almost always right.

Leo: Look I bet the only reason we’re here right now is ‘cause Donnie inputted coordinates of blah blah blah

Donnie: After inputting Shredder’s previous coordinates on the X-Y-Z and D for Donnie axis, I have calculated that this is the sight of our final resting spot. I mean go team?

Leo: Mikey Razzed his Tazz

Mikey: Whip-o-Rama!

Leo: April finally used her crane license

April: ‘Why would you get a crane license April?’ BECAUSE THIS!

Leo: And Raph is going to put it all together in a plan to defeat that led head with this mystic collar

Raph: Wow Leo that’s remarkably accurate

Raph: He’s back. Prepare for Operation Fire, Hanky, Tickle, Collar!

Leo: Yeah!

It is a slight running gag in Rise is that Leo is able to predict his families actions to a near perfect degree but whenever his family try to predict or assume Leo’s actions they are almost always wrong to a near comical degree, meaning that Leo’s family assuming he fell on purpose in the episode Lair Games might actually be evidence that Leo fell by accident instead.

[holdinbacksecrets]

uninhibited (and drunk) voicemails from seventeen

forever sending gratitude and love to j @un-love for helping assign these

seungcheol: “i watched you tonight with another man. he held your hand and kissed your forehead. he drank your tea first to check the temperature. he made you laugh. for real. i know because you covered your mouth, still feeling insecure about how far it opens when the reaction can’t be avoided—when the something said was so funny it surprised you. you’re wearing red. your arms were exposed for a while, and i felt my eyes prick with tears at the sight of more tattoos on your skin. ones i didn’t know about. maybe ones you mentioned when they were still just possibilities in your head. not once did i think i wouldn’t see them actualized. not once did i imagine another man’s fingers brushing the ink through the motion of draping his jacket around your shoulders.”

jeonghan: “i’m at home and alone, and it’s wrong to call you. it’s so unfair to call you. i didn’t know how to tell you that the wanting is scary. that the way we love each other is impossible—not for a second do i believe it’s possible to have again, and i’m fucking afraid, probably because i know how much you’ve grown. the thought of letting you down leaves a sour taste, and i’m trying not to be so fucking afraid.”

joshua: “i’m sobering up now, sitting on my mom’s back porch. earlier, i was trying to describe the color of your hair. the best i could come up with was blue frosting like the cupcakes she made for my 10th birthday party. isn’t that outrageous? embarrassing? in my head was a poem, but the alcohol released the silliest set of words i could’ve possibly used to describe a part of you.”

jun: “everything is weird. everyone is strange to me today except for you. i’m drunk. i lost my shoes at some point in the night i think. i can’t recognize anyone around me. their voices don’t sound familiar. i wish you were here. i wish you’d tell me this is miserable for you too; it’s not worth it anymore. would you tell me the truth if i asked? sorry. what a stupid question. i don’t know anyone more honest.”

soonyoung: “i should’ve watched you all day more often. i dream about that. i wanted to, but something always had my attention or interrupted its focus on you. i’m laying here with my eyes closed, imagining all the moments i did watch and wondering if every single one pieced together could consume an entire day.”

wonwoo: “is it ok that i still have your spare key? i’d like to believe it’s something you’d ask to get back, but i wonder if that call isn’t worth making. if the idea of seeing me makes you anxious. but you trust me. out of everyone to still have access to your home, it’s ok that it’s me. i feel sad thinking about it.”

jihoon: “you baked cookies. i froze half of them. there’s one left, and i’m debating whether or not to eat it today. it’s freezing outside, and any view through my window is ruined by the snow. it feels like the perfect night for a cookie with what’s left of my second americano like i can risk losing sleep, but what will be left from you if i give in? everything else feels lifeless—it’s been so long since you’ve touch the clothes and read the books.”

seokmin: “i’m going to a wedding tomorrow. your old neighbor is getting married, and i thought about so many things when he sent me the invitation. i thought he was in love with you for the longest time. remember that? it took me months to admit. then he told me he’s just protective, and i realized there are so many people who see us and care without us ever knowing. so i wondered about a what if between us… what if our paths crossing was shallow and they never intertwined? what if you were just a woman in the grocery store who i’d see once in a while if the timing was right? how long would i think about you before forgetting your face, before forgetting i ever saw you? unless i never would and end up talking about you in my old age to adult children who only know i loved their mother.”

mingyu: “is it ok to call you in the middle of the night? you told me i could. years have passed since that conversation. *laughs* is it strange to think about us back then? how we started on a park bench, basically dated for two years on a park bench. i still think about how your approach to reach me gave away your feelings. you started poised, avoiding eye contact. then it became goofy looks and confident strides before calling my name and skipping to singing the song stuck in your head while you ran to me. i can’t help but wonder what would it look like now?”

minghao: “if you listen to this voicemail, can you tell me what you want? whatever comes to mind after hearing the question. from something small to something weird and the the thing you believe is better left unsaid as if i’d judge the answer, but i won’t. i have no reason to judge you. all i have is curiosity and love and hope for your every day, every want, every touch, every song you sing, every picture you hang, and every night spent barefoot on the balcony- i want to marry you.”

seungkwan: “there’s something on my mind. i’ve wanted to tell you all day. i thought about it at breakfast and started texting you before my manager called and interrupted. so here it is: i used to not understand how tired you’d be with me around. i thought i was boring you for the longest time until i visited my sisters. they exchanged a knowing smile before telling me you’re completely comfortable, that you feel safe enough to slip into the kind of vulnerability that only sleepiness and sleep allow, with your guard lowered, and your heart open. i appreciate how much of you i’ve seen, how deeply i know you—knew you… know you? hmm…”

hansol: “are you traveling? i hope you’re traveling. i know it’s something you promised to do at the start of your 26th year. where did you go? … are you taking lots of pictures? … how does the moon look? that’s your souvenir: the moon in the sky a thousand miles away from home. when you told me the moon thing, i realized i knew nothing about you, and i wanted to know everything.”

chan: “you were in the audience tonight? i didn’t… i wasn’t… thank you for coming. i mailed a ticket, but it was returned to sender. *clears throat* you’re the only person i couldn’t shake wanting to be there. do you know what i mean? people from our pasts we wish could still be present, especially for things they witnessed in early stages. i could shake off all the other absences… old friends, a mentor, but you… *sigh* no way.”

[basicbunnyboo]

Preening

An Adam x Reader Ramble

A.N. - Second post! I'm trying something new to see if this could help with a few things, so you can be sure I will be spitting these out a lot as I start. Again, I'm still getting the hang of all of this, so any feedback is welcome. Enjoy the fic, lovelies.

Okay, so, this is what I’m seeing Adam is an exorcist, so I don’t think that his wings are that sensitive At least his flight feathers But if you are somehow able to get close to him I’m doing a drabble on that next And he allows you to help preen him Gently go for the fluffier feathers I swear, he’s out in less than a minute Now, if he isn’t expecting it and you touch anywhere near the base of his wings, he will jump like a cricket Plays it off with, “You just scared me, bitch. I’m not fucking sensitive like any of you normal winners. I’m the fucking man” yada yada yada Speaking of being the first man- He has the prettiest wings He knows it too, the asshole That’s why he always has his wings by his sides It’s actually because he never learned how to fold them comfortably and he’s too prideful to ask

Now for the preening part You two would be in his living room the bedroom would be too intimate with him sitting on the floor with you on the bed He was probably struggling to get his inner wings for a while before asking, so he’s mumbling how you’re ‘fucking lucky to touch his wings’ He’s grateful But if you tell anyone, he will send you to hell himself Anyways, after a while, he would relax and find it actually soothing So then, of course, he starts rambling and shit-talking about anything and anyone Especially ‘Lucifer’s prick daughter’ He’d be fine when you do little bits and pieces on the back of his outer wings He probably doesn’t even notice the feeling But the second you go to his softer plumage he shuts up “And then that bitch actually thought that-” … “Did I pull someth-” “No, I just- Shut up, fuck off.” Poetry Continues talking, but starts slowing down Because holy shit this is so nice He’s not used to domestic things Never let himself get close after Lilith and Eve But this is making him think about debating whether or not he should try again This man is already letting you close if you’re touching his wings, but he’s still in denial Poor baby He begrudgingly and ‘smoothly’ asks for you to help him next time “Hey, if you aren’t busy, my wings are fucked up from the extermination. Stupid fucking shit had wind powers-” “Oh, are you hurt?” “What? Of course not. I just- Since you like helping so much, I just figured you’d…” Little man can’t ask for help, but you get it

[ilykaveh]

⭒ 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 ! I WANNA BE A WH0RE !

[ ALHAITHAM AS YOUR TUTOR . ]

content · fem ! reader, name calling, bimbo reader, alcohol mention, sub ! reader, teasing, degradation, manipulation, alhaitham is a bit toxic, in public, possessiveness, taking and sharing photos without consent, threesome mention, toy use.

· alhaitham hates socializing, let's make that clear. while you may have bumped into him a few times in the corridor or at mandatory school events, the first time that you actually met him was when you were over at his dorm.

· you'd spent a night at a frat party where you had bumped into his roommate, kaveh. the two of you hit it off over a few drinks and a couple of rounds of beer pong — before you knew it, you were on the way back to his place and getting a little bit handsy in the back of the uber ride.

· while you both intended on getting laid that evening, the reality was that kaveh passed out the moment that his head hit the pillow. regardless, you lay in his bed beside him, too tired to care, and fell asleep for the night.

· the next morning, you woke up to cold and unfamiliar sheets. upon checking your phone, you discovered that it was way past two p.m., and you’d missed your morning lecture. after picking up your discarded clothes and any other belongings, you stumbled into the common area whereby you were greeted by your stoic, grey-haired classmate.

· his nose was buried in a book as he sprawled out on the couch, and despite your efforts to make a stealthy exit, you knocked over a rather gaudy lamp. alhaitham’s quick reflexes surprised you as, without moving his gaze from the page, he reached out and grabbed the object before it could hit the ground. you stood there in shock for a moment as he looked at you up and down before breaking the silence, bluntly informing you that kaveh had a seminar to attend.

· the two of you made some light conversation, though it was really just alhaitham making short responses and you trying to be as polite as you could. in all honesty, the man was intrigued by you. he was used to girls in his classes being all over him as a result of his academic prowess and his above average physique. you, however… there was something special about you.

· he ended up inviting you to get some coffee and to go over the notes from the lecture that you missed, and of course you agreed, with the exception that you could go home first to get changed and grab your laptop. although it very clearly wasn’t a date, you hated going out without looking your very best. to your surprise, alhaitham walked you back to your dorm and waited for you to get yourself ready.

· alhaitham clearly overestimated how quickly he would be done with this. reviewing the material covered this morning would typically take him an hour at most, whereas now the pair of you were on your third round of coffee and barely approaching halfway. hell, he was wondering how you ever managed to get into university.

· ever the sceptic, he even debated whether or not you were simply faking your stupidity to get closer to him, but by the way that you left for the bathroom for the sixth- no, seventh time just to redo your lip gloss, he doubted that. how drunk did kaveh have to be to bring you home? maybe you were just an easy fuck; it seemed that much was apparent to alhaitham. he cursed under his breath as he found himself contemplating how much fun his roommate had had the night before with you. he wasn’t a sleeze, but you were practically parading yourself around like a piece of meat in that short pink skirt.

· one coffee date soon turned into permanent tutoring. alhaitham told himself that he was doing it for your good rather than any selfish reasons — surely it's better that you study with him instead of some pervert that would gladly take sex as a payment for their time, right? or at least, that's how it was at first.

· it didn't take too long for alhaitham to become frustrated with your incompetence. he'd explain a given subject three or four times, and you would barely understand the basics even then. everything came to head with him snapping and running his hands through his hair as he called you a good for nothing slut, even going as far as to (rhetorically) ask if you would do a better job if he questioned you whilst having you bent over the table and his cock buried deep inside your whore cunt.

· at first, you were slightly taken aback; it was strange to see a man that typically kept his emotions under lock and key display such an outburst. then you thought about it a little more… maybe he was just giving you a study tip! that sounded more like the alhaitham you knew! he'd never degrade you over nothing, would he?!

· so you did what any sane person would do (or rather, what you thought any sane person would do) and said that you could try that, if he thought that it would help. alhaitham internally rolled his eyes, mentally cursing you for being so astronomically gullible. but after all of the strain that you've put him through, the countless hours of revising powerpoints and testing you with his personal collection of flash cards… he agreed.

· a pg-rated study session soon transformed into something out of a cheap porno. alhaitham prepped you a little, making you sit on the desk that you were using while he fingered you, all the while he recited facts for you to repeat back to him. by the time that you were ready, having reached a point dangerously close to coming undone, he leaned back in his seat and patted his lap, motioning for you to sit on his muscular thigh.

· you didn’t even bother to put your panties back on as you sauntered over to sit on his lap. your skirt rode up, leaving your wet cunt exposed. alhaitham undid the button on his jeans and pulled out his half-hard cock. your jaw almost dropped at the sight of it - it was certainly thicker than any other dick you’d taken, though the length is really what made you drool. your tutor teased your neediness a little before presenting you his idea: he was going to quiz you on some of the material, and if you answered right, you’d get his cock. simple enough… right?

· however, it would be stupid for alhaitham not to take full advantage of the dripping cunt in front of him, and the needy little doll that came attached. every time that you got a question wrong, or if he caught you daydreaming about his cock, he’d punish you. it was lighter at first, for example he reached under your shirt and groped at your breast. after five… no, six, questions, you made the mistake of hesitating and the man grabbed the base of his cock, then slapping the appendage against your pussy. he only smirked as you whined and bucked your hips against him, only for him to remind you that he still had a couple more questions to ask you.

· it was over an hour before you finally got to the end of his impromptu exam, and your demeanour was now akin to a desperate puppy. a pout had taken over your features, and your eyes were becoming increasingly glassy with tears threatening to spill if you didn’t get what you wanted - alhaitham was merely amused by what a delightful situation he’d found himself in, a pretty bimbo sat on his lap and begging him to be touched. you were putty in his very hands, so he saw it fit to allow you to ride him - after all, he was the one doing you a favour, right?

· these little study sessions soon improved your grades, and you were over the moon! upon receiving your results, you ran up to the taller man, who had to catch you before you both toppled over onto the grass courtyard besides the lecture hall. although alhaitham knew that he should be happy for you, the improvement instilled a fear in him: if you were smart enough to get these grades on you own, perhaps you wouldn’t need him anymore.

· that little thought sowed the seed in his mind that soon turned into a fully framed plan. sure, some would argue that it was a little bit manipulative, but it was for your own good, so he wasn’t causing any harm… right? and it certainly wasn’t done with a single ounce of malice, and you seemed to enjoy this little arrangement, so he continued to reason with himself that everything was perfectly fine.

· alhaitham’s scheme was simple: amongst all of the correct information that he taught you during your study sessions, he’d pepper in a few incorrect tidbits. it would prevent you from ever hitting full marks, and you could continue getting your pretty princess cunt stuffed full three or four times a week. he hated to admit it, but your adorable face as he pinned you down against his mattress and rutted into you whilst you recited what you’ve learnt to him. he always made sure that you thanked him for being such a wonderful tutor, and he even fucked you so good that you would agree with every single degrading phrase that slipped past his lips; it ranged from how you really were only good for getting fucked and that maybe you should drop out and become a full time whore to him reminding you that the only way you ever learnt anything was by spreading your legs.

· before you knew it, you were completely and utterly wrapped around alhaitham’s finger. you agreed to anything that he said if he promised that it would help you become smarter and would improve your grades! you even heard him out (and later went along with his plans) when he presented you with a cute pink dildo that you could slip into your panties before a test, and the idea was that you would recall answers easier because you were so used to learning with your cunt wrapped around his own cock.

· that being said, alhaitham was equally enamoured with you. he slowly allowed you to coax him out of his reclusive shell without even realising it himself. you would drag him along to social gatherings and parties - he told himself that he was doing it with your best interest at heart, after all anything could happen to such a dimwitted sweetheart like yourself, especially when you saw nothing wrong with wearing a miniskirt and a crop top out in the february cold. and no, it wasn’t like those fishnet tights or obnoxiously large white boots were doing anything to keep you warm at all.

· various classmates and other students on campus soon had you pegged as alhaitham’s girl, the precious, doe-eyed lamb that followed him around wherever he went and vice versa. other men were too scared to approach you as you had a scowling, grey-haired guard dog few paces behind you shooting them a death glare, and all the girls were insanely jealous about how you managed to bag the man that they’d been fawning over for so long. they even went as far as to gossip about how loose your cunt must be considering you’ve slept with half the guys on campus before him, and that you’d probably get bored and jump onto the next cock within a matter of weeks. alhaitham was quick to ensure that you never heard any of this, no matter how true the aforementioned statements were. a quick few threats here and a him flashing a picture that he’d secretly taken of your cunt struggling to take his cock shut them up rather fast.

· the only person that alhaitham allowed to hear you fuck though, was his roommate. in fact, he’d specifically speed up his pace in order to force louder noises out of your sweet throat in order to remind kaveh of what he had missed out on. he wasn’t totally mean though, no. because alhaitham promised that if you managed to pass this year’s finals, he’d let the blonde join in on your fun for an evening.

[spectersgirl]

heyyy!! so i just started s5 of suits and (spoiler if you haven’t seen it!!!!) harvey’s panic attacks were introduced after donna left and IM HURTING FOR HIM. but i think that’s such great angst material lol so if you’re still taking requests maybe something with that?

Hiiiii friends!

I know I've been gone for... quite a while... but I'm hoping to start writing more frequently again! I've undergone some massive life changes over the last few months and the stress of that basically caused me to completely burn out creatively. That being said, I have a TONNN of requests in my inbox and a few of them are generally in this same realm, so I will be using all of them for this piece, I hope that's okay with you all <3

The other requests were

"soft harvey just around his girl in a tense moment?!"

"hiii! i love your writing! i was wondering if you could write a fic where harvey had like a bad day at work and he just goes home and collapses onto the reader. like just hugs and softness and cuddles galore!"

I referenced actual events and lines from the show but changed up the context a little bit, obviously.

I appreciate you all for reading my work and liking it enough to request anything from me. I've never had such a positive response to anything I've created before, so this all means the world to me. Truly, thank you :')

Be With You

Harvey Specter x Reader

--------

It was nearly 11pm and you were teetering on sleep, having worked all day and come home to do a much-needed cleaning of your apartment followed by a glass of wine, when your phone loudly pinged on the nightstand. You fumbled for it and turned on the small bedside lamp next to you. You smiled when you saw it was your boyfriend, probably just saying goodnight, you'd assumed.

"Hey, can I come over? Please? I really need to see you right now."

A pit formed in your stomach reading the words on your screen. Though you hadn't been dating Harvey all that long, you'd spent a lot of time together, but he'd never sent a message like that.

"Of course, is everything okay?"

You couldn't help but worry, it was simply in your nature. You stared at the bubbles that indicated he was typing, which seemed to take an eternity.

"Not really, it's been a rough day and I just really need you."

Your heart lurched, Harvey had rough days all the time as a lawyer, but none had caused this response from him. You wondered what could've possibly happened. You got up, going back out into the living room and took a seat on the couch as you lit your electric fireplace with a remote.

"I'm sorry :( come over whenever, I'll unlock the door for you."

You did just that and looked down at the pajamas you'd chosen, just some shorts and a tank top. You decided they were fine enough for Harvey to see you in. You busied yourself with some TV to pass the time until he arrived. He was there in 20 minutes, and you immediately clocked the visible exhaustion on his face as he walked inside.

He dropped his jacket onto the couch without saying a word. You opened your arms for him as he walked to you and wrapped himself around you in a hug that felt like he was clinging to you for dear life. You stroked the hair at the back of his neck as he breathed you in, and you felt that he had been sweating.

"Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?" You asked hesitantly, still cradled in his strong arms.

He shook his head before pulling back, allowing you to really look at him now. His eyes looked like he'd been crying, and his cheeks were flushed. Your heart plummeted into your stomach.

"Not right now, I just need to be with you." He said, his voice slightly hoarse.

You nodded and sat with him on the couch, laying your head on his chest while you listened to his heartbeat. He absentmindedly stroked your hair while staring into the fireplace, debating on whether he wanted to fully open up about everything that was on his mind.

When he finally spoke, his voice was laced with nerves, and you sat up at full attention.

"I... A while back, right before I met you, Donna had left my desk to go and work for Louis. When that happened, I started having panic attacks. It felt like I couldn't think, couldn't breathe, it just completely took over my entire body until it passed. She came back to work for me, and then I met you, and I think that combination helped me tremendously."

You nodded, listening as he continued.

"I didn't want to tell you about it because I didn't want you to worry or make you think I was weak, and since I stopped having them, I didn't think it was important anymore, but today... I had another one."

"Harvey, I would never think you were weak for being honest about your feelings or your struggles. I'd like to think you'd be understanding and supportive of me if I was going through the same thing."

"Of course I would!" He said definitively.

"Exactly. So, do you want to talk about it? Or do you want to sit some more?"

He sighed and ran his free hand through his hair.

"Donna told me she didn't want to be on my desk anymore, she said she wanted more. I get that, but I just don't know how I'm going to do what I do without her help."

"Did she say what she meant by 'more'?" You asked softly.

"She said she didn't know."

Harvey hung his head slightly, looking down at the floor. You could tell how much this was affecting him, normally he had all the answers and didn't sweat about getting what he wanted, but this time felt different. You knew how much he and Donna had been through for them to get to this point, so it never occurred to you that someday she might want to leave her position. You idly rubbed circles on his back.

"Maybe you can still give her more and keep her at the firm with you?" You suggested, desperately trying to come up with a solution to soothe the pain you knew he was in.

"I'd love that, but ultimately if she wants to go, I have no choice but to let her."

You sighed and laid your head on his shoulder, you yawned and briefly closed your eyes as he placed a kiss on the top of your head.

"You tired?" Harvey asked softly, suddenly noticing that it was long past the time you normally went to bed.

You nodded, sitting up again.

"Yeah, but I knew you needed me." You answered, looking up at him as you grabbed his hand, kissing the back of it.

"I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to keep you up." He replied, feeling guiltier than he had when he walked in. The time hadn't even registered to him after the day he'd had.

"No, no. It's okay, this is what partners do. You should be able to lean on one another, it's a balance. I'm glad you trust me and our relationship enough to want me to be with you for this while you process. Now, are you sleeping here with me or are we going back to your place? Because I know you, and I know you won't admit you don't want to sleep alone tonight."

Harvey smiled weakly before he pulled you in for a soft kiss.

"I love you, Y/N. So much." He whispered against your lips when the kiss broke.

The admission made your heart skip a beat. Neither of you had said the L word yet, but you knew from the moment you saw him that he was it for you. Harvey had felt the same but didn't want to come off as some crazy boyfriend that knew you for all of five minutes, so he buried those feelings deep down for as long as he could bare.

"I love you too, Harvey." You said, a smile growing on your lips.

"Let's stay here tonight, I don't want to spend another second not in a bed with the wonderful, gorgeous, brilliant, selfless woman that I love." Harvey declared, standing and taking you with him.

"Uh oh, you're gonna make me cry." You warned, sensing the impending waterworks.

"I'm just getting started."

[masonmyluv]

Part 1

A/N: I really hope you will all like this story. It’s my first pretty long story (it will have around 10 parts, so stay tuned ;) ) that I’m posting here. You can also find the story on my wattpad account (username: tmrxlover_writer).

Pictures are from Pinterest, the filter is Cinnamon on Polarr.

Warnings: none

︵✦⋆₊°˖︵‿₊

Another day at Uni after he just scored his first La Liga goal . He was buzzing, but had to be on time for classes. He was sure the whole university will congratulate him. Being famous was difficult when you just wanted to be a normal student.

"Our boy Fermin is back!"

You looked up from your notes to see Fermin being congratulated by the whole class. People hugging him, patting him on the back. "Thanks man" he kept saying, trying to make his way to his place. He just wanted the class to begin so everyone could leave him alone. "Hey" he said, sitting next to you. "Hi" you replied quietly. Being the shy nerdy girl was bad enough when you were sitting near the hot athletic guy. You asked yourself multiple times why did he choose to sit near you in the first year. There were a lot of empty places, but he chose the second row in the front, exactly near you. "Anything that I missed?" He asked, looking at your notes. He always admired your beautiful handwriting and how organised you were, so he knew where to choose to sit at your first class together. Surely not the guy with only a piece of paper and a pen, but rather the girl surrounded by books, coloured pencils and a cup of coffee. He didn't have the balls to ask you to get coffee in the morning, even though he wasn't drinking it, he would offer to come along with you.

"Erm...not really. We talked about more practical stuff. I made some notes if you want to take a picture or something" you offered shyly. You never ever gave your notes to anyone because they were just some lazy asses who didn't care about anything, but you were here to learn. You wanted to be a physiotherapist. They were here just to get a diploma. Not Fermin though. He was passionate about the subject, even though he missed a lot of classes because of his packed schedule. You were willing to help him because he showed interest. And appreciated your work too.

"Thanks. Actually I had an idea, I mean a proposal" he said. "I'm quite behind with everything, so I was wondering if you'd like to meet somewhere and help me catch up? It's okay if you don't want to" he said nervously. Why the heck was he nervous? He scored his first goal in freaking La Liga and was nervous talking to a girl he's seen almost every day in 3 years. You thought about his idea, you wanted to help him, but you weren't the person to meet up in random places to study. You liked the confined space of your room and desk, and maybe the library or the coffee shop, when you had to do computer work.

"I don't want to sound... uhh... like I'm inviting myself" he said blushing as if reading your mind. "But I can come to your place, if that's okay with you". "I... uhh" you rambled on, but the professor was already in class, ready to read one of his boring presentations for 2 hours. You barely paid attention to what he was saying, debating whether to accept Fermin's idea or not, while drawing random patterns on your copybook. Fermin noticed you zooming out so he scribbled something down on his own copybook. He nudged you so you could read what he wrote.

It's okay. It was just an idea :)

You shook your head, writing under his: we talk after the class.

For the rest of the class, you took notes, while Fermin tried paying attention, but his mind kept drifting off somewhere else. What if he overstepped with all this I-can-come-to-your-place-to-study thing and you would think he's weird? He face palmed himself for that, but you were his only hope to pass the exams this semester. The professor finally ended the class and you started packing your bag. Neither of you spoke until you were out of the class.

"Listen I—"

"It's okay if—"

You both stopped mid sentence and chuckled. "You first" he encouraged. "So, I think it's okay for you to come. I live alone anyway. Just tell me when it's okay with you". Fermin couldn't believe what he was hearing. You never ever invited someone over and he could respect that it was your safe place and he didn't want to intrude. "Are you sure it's okay?" He asked and you nodded. "Okay, let me see. Actually I'll text you the day before because I'll have some recovery trainings and I'll be free to come" he said. "I know it's difficult to put up with me" he chuckled nervously. "It's okay. It's not like I'm a party animal or anything" you said. "Okay... I'll let you know soon. Bye. And thank you" he said, climbing into his car. He thought of offering you a car ride, but maybe it was too much overstepping in one day, so he just waved at you and you waved back to him.

When you arrived home, you thought about this day. What the heck was today? Of course you gave him your notes pretty often, but him to come here to study? That was a whole new level.

︵✦⋆₊°˖︵‿₊

Hope you like it 🤍

Feedback is appreciated 😊

[thornybubbles]

The Cat Came Back (Followup) The Morioh Gang reactions

Note: This is a follow up piece to “The Cat Came Back” in which the Reader finds themselves in the possession of the Stand, Killer Queen and asks Josuke for help. The following is just showing how the other characters would react. So headcanons I guess… You can find the original story this is based on here: 

------------

Josuke: You already saw his initial reaction when you told him about your unwanted Stand, but there was a lot that Josuke left unsaid, mostly because he didn’t want you to see just how disturbed he really was. He can’t even imagine what you must be going through. This whole situation is horrific and… well… bizarre. It was bad enough that you were targeted and held hostage by Kira during the final confrontation, but now you’re stuck with Kira’s Stand as your own. He still doesn’t understand how something like that could even happen. How does a living person end up with a dead man’s Stand? It’s even more confusing if you consider how Reimi said that Kira died. If both user and Stand were torn apart by ghostly arms, then how is the Stand still active? And why, WHY, WHY, is it acting as your Stand now? Josuke never wanted you to get involved in the crazy, dangerous world of Stand users, but you are now and he can’t help but blame himself. If he had never become friends with you, then maybe you wouldn’t have run into Kira that day and this wouldn’t be happening to you now. He really, really hopes that Jotaro and the Speedwagon Foundation can help you with this, because this is one thing he knows he can’t fix. Just like with the death of his grandfather, he feels helpless and frustrated. But to you, he’s a beacon of calm acceptance. He’ll never let you see how shook up he is because you don’t need that right now. 

Okuyasu: He takes it pretty badly. He finds the whole situation to be freaky and incredibly unfair. Expect a lot of angry crying from him in the beginning. 

“Whaaaaat??!!” he shouts. “What the hell is this?! How does something like that even happen?! Can’t that creepy hand-humping bastard go haunt someone else?!” 

He insists that Josuke could probably fix it if he used Crazy Diamond to bring you back to a state before you became a Stand user, but Josuke explains that his powers don’t work like that. Okuyasu is so desperate that he even suggests, to everyone’s horror, that he could use The Hand to erase Killer Queen. That idea is very quickly shot down by Josuke. 

“Think about it, Okuyasu,” Josuke says. “If you erase a person’s Stand it’s like erasing their soul! Do you want to do that to our friend?” 

Okuyasu realizes his idea was awful, but dammit he wants to help okay? He feels helpless and frustrated that he can’t think of anything useful in this situation. He just wants the Stand to go away and leave you alone. He even goes so far as to ask you to summon Killer Queen just so he can say that to the Stand’s face. 

“Listen here you pink cat bastard!” he practically spits at the Stand. “You better fuck off and leave our friend alone or I’m gonna make your life a living hell!!!” 

Killer Queen merely stares Okuyasu down until the delinquent actually starts feeling a little nervous. Then the Stand has the nerve to give him a wry little smile and duck down to nuzzle his head against yours. Freaked out, you dismiss him and Okuyasu rages. It’s going to take a LOOOOOOOONG time for Okuyasu to come to terms with your new status as a Stand user. 

Koichi: Koichi is horrified, not just at the situation, but he is very worried for you. Like everyone else, he’s baffled at how you could end up with someone else’s Stand. Not only that, but Koichi is the first to notice that there’s something different about Killer Queen now that it’s attached to you. The Stand seems more lively and sentient with you than it did with Kira, even going so far as to mock others and show you unwanted affection. It was far, far more reserved with Kira. What did that mean exactly? Did it have to do with your personality having an effect on its behavior? He wants to offer you all the support and comfort that he can as your friend but he can’t ignore the creeping feeling of dread that comes over him when he’s in your presence now. He tries not to let it show, because the last thing he wants is for you to think he’s afraid of you. You have enough to worry about without having to consider if your friends fear you now. 

Koichi starts doing research on Stands and Stand users, hoping to find something he can use to help you. Maybe there’s a way to separate a user from their Stand without hurting them? Of course, he has considered your feelings on the matter. Would you want to be separated from Killer Queen? Koichi will never say this out loud, but he has a terrible fear that a little bit of Kira’s personality has remained within Killer Queen and that there may be a possibility that Kira’s violent tendencies will start to manifest within you. He really hopes that isn’t the case. He doesn’t want Kira somehow hurting anyone else from beyond the grave, least of all one of his closest friends. He doesn’t know what he’d do if you started turning violent…

Jotaro: As per usual, Jotaro’s reaction is minimal when he first finds out, but his eyes are filled with a myriad of emotions: anger, shock, horror, and exhaustion. Especially the last one. Jotaro is so very tired. It’s bad enough that he’s still having to deal with DIO’s evil influence on the world even after the blood-sucking asshole’s death, but now Kira’s Stand has fused itself with your soul and is acting as your Stand. What is it with villains and the need to cling to the living world even after their very deserved deaths? Jotaro is oddly reminded of that stupid old kid’s song he heard when he was very young: 

But the cat came back the very next day

The cat came back, they thought he was a goner

But the cat came back, it just couldn't stay away

That did seem to be the case with Kira. Though, Killer Queen wasn’t Kira’s Stand anymore so it technically wasn’t Kira anymore either. He couldn’t ignore that fact. Killer Queen was your Stand now. Like Koichi, he could sense a difference in the Stand now that it was yours. It seemed more sentient than it was with Kira and he wasn’t blind to the mocking smile the thing would give him and the others. That was worrying. That and how affectionate it seemed towards you. It very clearly recognized and accepted you as its new user. This sudden level of sentience it displayed was disturbing.

The whole thing annoyed him. Just like Koichi, he feared that some of Kira’s influence still lingered within Killer Queen and could have an effect on you. It didn’t help that you didn’t seem to have the best control over the Stand, due to the fact that it sometimes materialized when you didn’t want it to and how it hesitated when you tried to dismiss it. That settles it. He was going to train you on how to control Killer Queen before the thing decided to control you. From now on, you can expect to be dragged along whenever Jotaro is showing Josuke how to better control Crazy Diamond. He would work with the Speedwagon Foundation in order to better understand your condition and help you in any way he could. He made a silent vow to himself that he would not let Kira’s influence corrupt you. 

Rohan: Surprisingly, Rohan is the one to take the news the hardest, but he’s also the one to find something close to a solution to your problem. 

Next to Koichi, you’re one of the few people he puts any value in. When you reveal Killer Queen to him his first response is to recoil in fear (let’s not forget the multiple deaths he had to endure because of the Stand’s user). After that he gets angry. 

“If this is supposed to be a prank, it’s not funny! Did Josuke put you up to this? I never realized that low-life had such a demented sense of humor…” he says.

When you explain to him that it isn’t a prank and he realizes that Killer Queen has indeed become your Stand, he starts acting as if you just informed him that you had a terminal illness and only had a year to live. You watch as the poor man goes through all seven stages of grief in a matter of moments.

Denial: “This has to be a joke. I won’t believe that it’s true! Something like this is impossible! How can you have a dead man’s Stand!?” 

Anger: “How could you let something like this happen?! I know it’s not your fault, that’s not the point! Surely you could have done something to stop it?! And where was Josuke or that nitwit, Okuyasu?! Why didn’t they do something?! I’m not shouting, you’re shouting!!” 

Bargaining: “I’ll give you an autograph if you say that you’ve been messing with me this whole time! I won’t even get angry, I promise! What about one of my unpublished manuscripts? One of my figurines? You… you’re really not joking about this are you?” 

Depression: He goes over to his desk and just sits there staring out the window. You don’t get a response out of him but you notice the tears rolling down his face and you’re shocked. The “Great” Rohan Kishibe is actually shedding tears? And on your behalf? After a moment he wipes his face and starts talking to you as if nothing happened. 

Acceptance: “This isn’t ideal, but it isn’t the end of the world. You say that Jotaro’s been teaching you how to better control Killer Queen? That’s good. Now you won’t have to worry about it hurting anyone you don’t want it to.” 

At some point during the conversation, Rohan jumps up from his seat and grabs the sides of his head with disbelief. 

“I cannot believe I didn’t think of this.” he mutters. 

“Think of what?” you ask, hoping he has thought of some kind of solution to your problem. 

“We’ll use Heaven’s Door to prevent you from losing control over Killer Queen!” 

You stared at him, mouth open in surprise. How had no one considered that before now? 

“Give me your hand.” Rohan says and you oblige. 

Heaven’s Door manifests next to him and the little Stand touches the back of your hand. You stare at him amazed, having never seen him up until that moment. You are startled as the back of your hand flips open like a tiny book. You see writing on the inside of it, but don’t have time to read any of it before Rohan grabs a pen and jots something down in the margins of the page. It says, 

“I have complete and total control over my Stand, Killer Queen. It will never harm anyone that is not a threat to me or my loved ones.” 

Then Heaven’s Door flips the book closed and your hand returns to normal. 

“Now, that settles that!” Rohan says with a self satisfied grin. “Really I’m surprised you hadn’t come to me sooner…” 

While Rohan is congratulating himself, you take the time to lean up and give him a kiss of gratitude on his cheek. 

“You’re the best, Rohan!” you say, overflowing with relief and thankfulness. 

Rohan freezes mid-sentence, a stunned expression on his face. For a full minute he just stands there staring with his mouth open in shock and a hint of pink dusting his normally pale cheeks. At first you thought that you might have crossed a line and he’d start shouting at you, but he doesn’t. Then you start worrying if you’ve broken him. 

“Rohan?” You ask. 

This seems to snap the manga creator out of his stunned state. Without saying a word, he turns on his heel, marches over to his desk, plops down in the chair and starts scribbling away in a notebook. 

“....rapid heart beat….feelings of almost unbearable euphoria…” 

He stops to reach up and touch his face then immediately goes back to writing.

“...cheeks feel like they’re on fire….” 

You blink at him, not knowing what to say or do. You guess he’s gone into work mode. There’s not much you can do to break him out of that once his creative juices start flowing. You decide to leave and go tell the others the good news. 

“Okay, well. I guess I’ll go let Josuke and the others know. I’m sure they’ll be relieved.” you say. 

“Later, Rohan.” 

You start to leave when Rohan suddenly turns to you with a serious expression. 

“Before you go, I want it to be known here and now that if you tell anyone, especially Josuke, that I cried, I will never speak to you again.” 

Your lips twitch as you hold back a laugh. 

“You’re secret’s safe with me, Rohan-sensei.” you say.

[holygrailimagines]

Neighbor

Summary: Reader spends the night with her neighbor, Erling Haaland- SMUT!

Erling had been your neighbor for about three years now. He was a sweet guy and was very welcoming when you joined the neighborhood. Throughout those years, the two of you have developed a friendship. 

Your house was undergoing some very much needed renovations. Unfortunately, this meant you had to spend the night away from home. When Erling heard about this, he immediately offered for you to spend the night. You were so grateful for this and happily agreed. You packed a bag and made the short walk from your house to his, softly knocking on his wooden door. He peeled the door open, a wide grin plastered on his face. 

“(Y/N)! Welcome! Come on in!” He greeted you, stepping out of the way for you. You smiled and thanked him, your eyes instantly scanning his home. Even if you had been his neighbor for three years, you never actually stepped foot inside his home. It was very modern like, and clean. 

“This place is nice,” you compliment him and he laughs, thanking you. Erling gave you a brief house tour and helped you set up some things in the guest room. After that, you two were on a mission to kill time.

It was getting late and you were both seated at his small coffee table in the living room. You were playing chess while a random film played in the background. He reached over the table and knocked over one of your pieces with his. However, he did it too enthusiastically and the piece rolled off the table and ended up under the couch behind you. 

“I’ve got it,” you say before he could stand up from his seated position. You get on your knees and stick your head under the couch, trying to locate the piece. Unbeknownst to you, Erling was staring straight at your ass. He knew he shouldn’t have but he began thinking about how perfect your ass looked in those yoga pants. His mind raced with thoughts about taking you right then and there. He began to feel his pants tighten as the blood rushed straight to his cock. He quickly peeled his eyes away from you when you began to retreat from under the couch. 

“Got it!” You cheered, holding the small piece up in the air. There was no way Erling could go on like this. His face became visibly red, his gaze never meeting yours. 

“I-I think I’m going to bed now.” He stutters, standing up quickly and heading towards his bedroom. You were alone now, eyes furrowed in confusion. You didn’t really mind though, maybe he had a busy morning tomorrow. You took it upon yourself to clean up the chess pieces and switched the lights off before heading to the guest room. As you walked past his bedroom, you heard a muffled groan. You took a few steps back and stood by his door. Maybe he was hurt, you thought. But that thought was quickly diminished as you made out squelching noises and quiet moans of pleasure. Your eyes widened and your core began to heat up. You knew it was wrong to be eavesdropping like this but before you could walk away, you heard something else.

“Oh (Y/N),” you heard him let out. It wasn’t loud but it was loud enough to make out. You bit your bottom lip, your entire body entering a state of arousal. Your hand gently landed on the door knob and you debated whether to turn it or not. When you heard him softly moan your name again, you knew you wanted to do this. You opened the door and were greeted with his naked body sitting up against his headboard. His head was thrown back, his hand working furiously on pumping himself. His muscles flexed with each pump as quiet and soft moans continued to spew from his open mouth. The door squeaked and he was ripped from his euphoric state. When his eyes landed on you, he quickly covered himself with his pillow and began apologizing profusely. You walked up to his bed and sat next to him. 

“Shh, let me help you,” you say, a finger pressed against his lips. This seemed to have calmed his frantic behavior as he watched you intently. You stood up and began undressing yourself slowly. His hand wrapped around his shaft again, pumping slowly as you finally removed those tight yoga pants. You were completely exposed to him now, and Erling could feel himself edging. You quickly got between his legs, your hand replacing his. You held his shaft as you trailed your tongue from the base of his cock to his aching tip. He moaned loudly now, watching you work on him. You took as much as you could inside your mouth. Your tongue ran circles around him as you used your hand to pump what you couldn’t take. He was so thankful he didn’t have to hide his moans of pleasure anymore. He held a fistful of your hair and before he could cum, you removed yourself from him. He groaned in annoyance and you wiped your mouth with the back of your hand. 

You climbed on his lap, ready to ride him but he quickly took control. He turned you on your hands and knees, your ass in the air and your head pressed against the sheets. He grinned, his hands instantly landing on your ass and kneading them. You moan at his touch, your hips moving involuntarily. He gripped his cock, tapping his tip against your ass cheek before pressing his tip inside you. You both let out a moan in unison as the sexual tension was finally relieved. Your wet folds take him in so easily and his grip on your hips helps him pick up a fast pace. You turned to look back at Erling, his teeth were clenched as a grunt left his mouth with each thrust. His hair was wet with sweat. He couldn’t take his eyes off your ass and the way it bounced. He lifted one hand and slammed it back down on one of your ass cheeks. You moaned in pleasure, your walls tightening around his cock. 

“Fuck (Y/N), do that again.” He grunts, you nod and moan as you feel your walls clench around him again. His head is thrown back as he continues his brutal pace. You feel yourself become limp as the tip of his cock grazes that sweet spot inside you. 

“I’m coming,” you moaned, and he quickened his pace. He rams himself inside you as he instructs you to let go. You instantly do, moaning his name as your entire body loses control. You feel him slip out and he pumps himself quickly. You felt his warm cum land on your ass as he released himself with shuddered groans. You both land on the bed, breathless and in disbelief. 

“I guess you won’t be sleeping in the guest room,” Erling jokes, placing the duvet covers on top of you both.

[rwby-imagines-and-headcanons]

Team RWBY - Childhood friend Reader goes Missing

(So I tried to respond to the actual ask but Tumblr glitched out. So I'm doing it like this instead, apologies!)

You're so sweet thank you so much!! This prompt hits so well for me, you have no idea. I wasn't sure whether you wanted EVERY girl from the series or just Team RWBY. For this one I'm gonna do just Team RWBY, but if you want me to do the rest of the girls in the series, just send me a message and I'll write those up eventually!

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Ruby Rose

You and Ruby were two peas in a pod the moment you met. It was like two puzzle pieces made perfectly for each other. You both were into similar things and your personalities mashed super well. Not only did you have a similar sense of humor, you were one of the few people that actually enjoyed her over the top antics and affections. Ruby would often ambush you with a hug while you walked around campus, sometimes leading to you two falling in a pile of giggles. Every week you guys had plans. On Tuesdays you both liked to have Debate Nights where you both defend your opinion on something (often roping in the rest of your friends to be the jury). There wasn't a dull moment with you two, every day was full of laughter and joy. You were each other's first school friend and that friendship has lasted for years. After the Fall of Beacon, you were split up like most, but found each other fairly quickly. You were a great support for her and would always listen to her issues. She felt connected to you deeply on a different level. Even after the rest of Team RWBY came back, Ruby found herself strangely attached to you more. Being reunited with her sister and friends was one of the best feelings in the world, but the moment you and her found each other again takes the cake in her heart. It became incredibly clear that she was in love with you. Looking back on it, she did have a habit of making excuses just to talk to you in private. Ruby didn't know what to do with this information, but it will come up at the right time

One day at about 5 am, Ruby was awoken by Qrow with a somber look. Apparently during the night you went missing. No one saw or heard a thing. You were there sleeping in your bed and then you were just… gone. The thought of you being missing was terrifying, but Ruby tapped into her abundance of optimism and quickly got dressed and headed towards the town. You couldn't have gone far, right? You probably just went through the city and got lost, no big deal! For the next week her routine remained the same; Wake up early, gather friends to look for you, take break for lunch, keep looking alone, head back, sleep. At the start she was hopeful, but everyday just wore her down until the 7th day when it broke her. You've been missing for a whole week, where were you? Yang held Ruby as she cried, eventually passing her to Qrow when it came time to go to bed. He did the best he could and was as supportive as possible, but he knew Ruby needed space to process it herself, and brought her to her room. With a hair ruffle and weak smile, Qrow wished her a good night and left her to rest

Ruby was awoken the next day early in morning yet again, except this time there was a knock at the door. When she opened it, her heart stopped. You stood on the doorstep, clothes torn and bloody. There were no major external injuries but it was clear you were heavily shaken up. Hobbling in with a limp you entered the house and sighed at the warmth. Ruby was at a loss for words, only able to muster out a vague question of what happened.

Apparently when you were going to sleep last week, you decided to throw out the trash as well beforehand. When you exited the house to take it out, you were suddenly ambushed by multiple Grimm and dragged deep into the forest. Since you were going to sleep, you didn't have your weapons, scroll, or any protection at all. You were completely vulnerable. For the past week you had been both fighting for your life against various Grimm and trying to navigate your way out of the forest labyrinth. Just when you were about to collapse, you finally found the opening into the town and limped all the way back to your home

It hurt like a bitch, but you tried to smile as big as possible. You could tell Ruby was feeling awful about this just looking at you. Before you could say another word, Ruby lunged at you, pushing you both onto the couch behind you. You let out a loud hiss as your leg bent at an odd angle and your hip twisted. Her arms were wrapped tightly around your neck, her head buried into your chest. As you gained the strength to question her, Ruby cut you off

"Oh my god I'm so happy you're okay! I love you so much, I don't know what I'd do without you! I can't lose you!"

Hearing the absolute heartbreak in her voice and the way her breathing staggered between sobs pushed you to shed your own tears. In the forest, all you could think of was getting back to Ruby, the girl you loved. The fact that the whole time she felt the same sent you over the edge. You tightly hugged her back, ignoring the pain you felt from your injuries. Both of you just went back and forth saying how much you love each other over and over again to the point of it becoming unintelligable. Tired from being overworked physically and emotionally, you fell asleep together on the couch in each others arms. When everyone woke up in the morning they helped patch you up, with Ruby holding your hand the whole day

----------

Weiss Schnee

Weiss never expected to like someone so much. She was cold and abrasive, especially at the academy. But for some reason you just… stayed. And it wasn't annoying like it was with Ruby, instead whenever you knocked on her door she could feel her heart skip a beat. She'd still scold you for interrupting her and tell you to leave of course. Every week you pushed a little further, giving her space at the same time as to not overwhelm her. Weiss took notice and appreciated it deeply. She never had someone who took her interests at heart and it was so foreign. Your friendship took awhile to start, but once it got going it veeeery quickly turned into a closeted romance. Maybe it was due to her sheltered upbringing, maybe it was due to you not judging her for her family name, she didn't know. But something about you melted her heart and she fell hard. And it was super obvious, she is not good at lying. It got to the point that basically everyone knew of her crush except you. Ruby and Nora kept trying to get Weiss to confess to you already, but she managed to avert the conversations elsewhere. She'd tell you, but now wasn't the time

Weiss quickly regretted that decision when she came back from a mission to hear you never returned from yours. At first she thought it was a prank and got angry, but when she realised it was true, she started freaking out. She pretty much interrogated everyone who interacted with you that day and started slinging accusations. Emotions got heated and multiple arguments broke out. Ruby and Jaune tried to organize a search party for the next day but that didn't do much. The day ended on a sour note, and Weiss instantly locked herself in her room. She spent the whole night crying, trying to contact you through your scroll

While on a mission, the whole group got a message that you were found alive. Badly hurt, but alive. Weiss basically abandoned whatever she was doing and got to the location marked on her scroll as fast as possible. On the way she went on call with Blake and learned what had happened. Apparently SDC protestors learned of your appearance and relationship with Weiss and grew enraged. A Schnee didn't deserve to find love, and you loving her just made you complicit with her family's crimes! They took their chance while you were alone and approached you, asking for help. When you followed them to the abandoned building, you instantly knew it was a trap, but they bashed you on the head and kidnapped you. They spent the last few days interrogating you about the SDC and Weiss' "secret plans". No matter how many times you said you didn't understand they wouldn't take that as an answer. You got incredibly lucky when Ren saw a shady person enter the building you were kept in and decided to call backup and investigate

The whole travel her anger grew and grew, a flurry of emotions clouding her head. She doesn't even remember traveling to you, she became concious again when she saw your beaten, bloody face. You had a black eye and bruises all over your body, but other than that you were in good shape. The moment your eyes met, Weiss stormed over and began yelling at you. She screamed about how foolish you were to follow strangers, how stupid you were for being so naively kind, it all just fell out of her mouth. Rant lasting awhile, it all accumulated in her confessing what she had been holding for years,

"Why can't you just understand that I love you and don't want you hurt?!"

When she realized what she said she fell quiet and put a hand over her mouth. For the next minute it was pure silence. You could hear a pin drop. It took you a bit to fully process so you just stared wide eyed. Weiss's face dropped as she looked to the ground solemnly. She blunted said you should have just exposed her so you could go free without harm. With that you broke out of your trance and instantly pulled her into a hug, letting out a small hiss at the pressure on your ribcage. You instantly let her know that it was worth protecting her, and when you confessed you felt the same into her ear, Weiss melted into your embrace. As you hugged she just kept calling you an idiot over and over again, threatening you to never get kidnapped again. Meanwhile everyone in the vicinity did a sigh of relief and thanked the gods you were finally a couple

---------

Blake Belladonna

At the start Blake didn't really like people much, that was obvious. But unlike Weiss who was more abrasive and combative, Blake preferred to ignore or dismiss. Even after you became friends with the rest of Team RWBY Blake was the last one to warm up to you. But things changed when you saw her reading a book from your favorite series. Shocked you knew of it, she inquired about your interest and you two spent the whole time talking about the plot and it's history. After that day Blake found herself intrigued by you, and was happy to find someone to enjoy books with her. Everyday she grew warmer. You noticed she would slowly start to approach you herself and actively start conversations. It was cute. Soon she realised that she was falling in love again. Blake tried so hard to fight those feelings off. Her relationships have always been plagued by tragedy and she doesn't want you involved in that. But every time she heard you laugh and saw you do cute little dances, it got nearly impossible to not fall for you

Although your friendship had been pretty steady, you knew Blake was hiding things from you. You tried to pry information from her to no avail, she kept being vague. Tensions just kept rising and rising until tt all came to a head when she finally spoke up. Blake told you everything, all about Adam and the White Fang. She even opened up about what happened with Yang and how she ran away from her team. It was… intense, to say the least. It was so much to process at once you couldn't really wrap your head around it. She was in the White Fang? Yang lost an arm for her? This Adam guy is still out there? The more she tried to explain herself and her history, it just made you more confused and overwhelmed. Your brain became overstimulated with emotions that you just blew up at her. She started silent, but eventually raised her voice as well. It was an intense back and forth argument between you two that ended with you both angrily retreating to your respective rooms. Blake layed in bed awake all night, thinking about your whole argument. It was wrong for you to blame her and yell, but she absolutely understood why you did. This situation is tough and multi-faceted. As she finally drifted to sleep, Blake made up her mind

The next day Blake emerged from her room to confront you and apologize, but found you were gone. Everyone else saw you leave the house in the early morning but haven't heard a thing from you since. Blake's heart instantly dropped. Remembering your last interaction made her imagine the absolute worst and made her heart race. Without a word she ran out and went looking for you. She didn't even have a game plan. Normally she is very levelheaded and able to control her emotions, but this time it was impossible. Adam was still out there watching, waiting. He already went for Yang multiple times, there is no doubt in her mind that he would target you too. Every possibility played in her head of him kidnapping you and hurting you

Blake scanned the streets and forest paths desperately, and after what seemed like hours, she finally found you. No hesitation she called your name, catching your attention. As she dropped in front of you, before you could say anything she grabbed you roughly by your shoulders. Voice quivering, Blake asked you if Adam touched you at all, tears in her eyes. You shook your head confused, gaining a desperate sigh of relief from the Faunus. She explained how you just up and left with no notice and how scared she got considering your fight. But you responded that you left behind a note telling her you were just going for a walk to cool down. You two spent the next couple of minutes clearing up misunderstandings and eventually got the full picture. And awkward silence fell upon you two, which you broke by apologizing for your outburst. Blake was silent at first, but responded in kind,

"I'm… sorry for not being upfront and honest with you. I always try to hide and run, because I'm afraid my past will come back to haunt me. Adam knows when I get close to someone, he knows when I…

I try to rationalize it by saying it's for your sake, but that's not fair to you. I can't do that to someone… someone that I love. I promise from now on there will be no secrets between us."

Her words shook your core, and made your face instantly flush. She was being the most upfront and genuine she's ever been, and you couldn't help but lose your breath. Gulping, you quietly tell her you feel the same, making her ears perk up. On the way back to your home, you both gently locked hands

----------

Yang Xiao Long

Yo, you didn't become friends, it's more like Yang kidnapped you and you got Stockholm Syndrome. Obviously I'm joking, you were actually a friend of Ruby's and happened to be Yang's age, so everytime you visited Ruby you two would get to talking. After a couple conversations, Yang deemed you to be fucking cool and constantly tried to talk to you and chill. It got to the point that you started hanging out with Yang more than Ruby, causing the latter to pout. Your interactions devolved into playful flirting and teasing. She would always call you "cutie" and make flirty puns at you, gaining a blush and sigh in response. As much as you guys messed around, Yang started to realize that it wasn't just jokes anymore. Over the years you've known each other the atmosphere changed. Subconciously she had been trying to give you hints about how she feels. It took her talking to Blake to really come to terms with her feelings and figure out what was going on with her

The next morning Yang happily slammed your door open and brightly called for you to get up. All of her happiness stopped in it's tracks when she saw your empty bed. With no hesitation she began asking everyone where you were, with varied answers. Nora and Ren ate breakfast with you, Oscar saw you watch tv, Weiss had an argument with you about beverage choices, etc. Blake was the only one with a solid answer, stating you were heading to the out of town store to get groceries. Yang could feel herself getting slightly annoyed, but appreciated the response and happily went to go meet you there. She hopped on Bumblebee and started the drive

While she drove, Yang tried contacting you through your scroll but wasn't getting a response which was odd. You were usually really attentive and always answered, at least sent a text message or something. After a couple more times she was about to put her scroll away, until you picked up. Yang happily spoke into the scroll, playfully scolding you for making her call so many times, but got no response. She listened closely and could hear the faint voices of two men yelling. They were clearly not friendly and were throwing threats all over the place. It was already giving her a bad feeling, but when Yang heard gunshots and the sound of you screaming in fear, she put Bumblebee in overdrive and beelined towards you

When you left the house, all you intended to do was get some bread and pasta for tonights dinner. You even went to the far off store that had the high quality noodles. But about halfway during your shopping the doors slammed open and two men stormed in holding guns. They began threatening the store and it's patrons. The old Shopkeep tried to tell them to leave but quickly backed down when they shot 3 bullets at his feet. One of the men chained the door shut and closed the blinds, while the other went around and gathered customers to the center of the store. Adults and children were herded onto the open floor and promptly restrained as to not intervene. Your scroll, thankfully on silent, kept telling you Yang was calling. You knew you couldn't respond to her, but you accepted the call to let her at least know what as going on. After a couple of gunshots you closed your scroll and shoved it in your pocket. As the other man got closer you looked around and found an opening behind the freezers. Before he approached you quickly slid behind and held your breath. No one noticed your escape, and went along their way. For the next 10 minutes you sat there in horror as you heard the store get ransacked and customers terrorized

The front windows suddenly shattered as a yellow and black bike got thrown through, ramming into one of the men. Yang quickly followed, eyes red and hair burning. She started to tear apart the store trying to find you, breaking shelves and display stands. You name was called but you could barely hear due to the freezers. Upset at the sudden entrance, the men tried to intimidate her, but she didn't even flinch. Knowing you were somewhere in the building, possible hurt, made her go blind with rage. With ease Yang defeated and apprehended the criminals with excessive force. A few extra punches and kicks and head slams are fine, right? Shopkeep thanked her and called the police, leaving Yang to find you. Now that the room was quieter, you could hear her desperate cries and called out for her, crawling out. You were barely off the floor when Yang nearly tackled you and hugged you tighter than before.

"I love you so much, I'll never let this happen again. I'll never let you get hurt."

In that moment Yang didn't even care about the fact she just confessed her true love to you, all she cared about was the fact you were in her arms unharmed. You didn't say it back, but you reciprocated her hug in a way that made her understand. The hug lasted for a couple of minutes, both of you just breathing together and calming yourselves. Once your heartrates dropped and your minds' settled, Yang gently helped you up and lead you to her bike, hopping on herself. Wrapping your arms around her waist, Yang quietly drove you back to the house in comfortable silence. That night Yang slept in your room with you due to anxiety and paranoia of you getting possible hurt. But even after those fears quieted down, you guys kept sleeping and cuddling in the same bed like the lovebirds you were

----------

This was so long but so fun to write??? I hope these are alright!

[luna-rainbow]

Ross’s quote about the Avengers ignoring sovereign borders comes up a lot and is often used to accuse Steve of American imperialism, so let’s have a look into it.

You've fought for us. Protected us. Risked your lives. While a great many people see you as heroes. There are some... who would prefer the word "vigilantes". What would you call a group of US-based, enhanced individuals, who routinely ignores sovereign borders and inflict their will wherever they choose and who, frankly, seem unconcerned about what they leave behind them?

Sooo. Civil War was a terrible piece of world-building. The first problem is that it came way too early in the franchise, not just for the fracture between Tony and Steve to be anywhere near meaningful, but also the number of missions preceding this that would actually fit Ross’s accusations.

Let’s look at all the MCU movies so far leading up to Civil War:

Iron Man 1-3

Captain America 1-2

Thor 1-2

Ant-Man

Avengers 1-2

Hulk

(Guardians of the Galaxy)

Cap 1 took place in WW2, Cap 2 took place mostly on US soil, with the exception of the Lemurian Star which was a SHIELD mission. Thor wasn’t part of Civil War but he was dealing with extraterrestrial threats that came to Earth. Avengers 1 similarly - the only time the team was out of US was to confront Loki in Germany, and again that was under the supervision of SHIELD. Ant-Man also happened in US territory.

The only person on the team who “routinely ignores sovereign borders and inflict their will” without any oversight was Tony. He did it in IM1 against the Ten Rings. In IM2 he opens the movie with:

I'm not saying that the world is enjoying its longest period of uninterrupted peace in years because of me (...) I’m not saying that Uncle Sam can kick back on a lawn chair, sipping on an iced tea because I haven’t come across anyone who’s man enough to go toe-to-toe with me on my best day.

It is implied - the showing was done in the first movie - that Tony continued his "peace-keeping" activities which consisted of zipping into other countries and blasting everything with fire.

Never forget that even Rhodey assessed Tony as:

As he does not operate within any definable branch of government, Iron Man presents a potential threat to the security of both the nation and to her interests.

Operating outside the law was started by Tony, not by Steve or any of the other (original) Avengers, most of whom were working for SHIELD until they had to bring it down themselves to stop Hydra from killing millions of people.

The narrative problem lies in the vacuum between Captain America 2 and Captain America 3. Avengers 2 deftly avoided discussing who was overseeing their operations, and by the time Cap 3 rolls around they're suddenly a privately operated group of vigilantes?

Speaking of Avengers 2, that's the time someone decided to make a “global peacemaking initiative” without involving his team, much less the global community.

Bruce Banner: So you're going for artificial intelligence and you don't want to tell the team.

Tony Stark: Right. That's right, you know why, because we don't have time for a city hall debate. I don't want to hear the "man was not meant to meddle" medley. I see a suit of armor around the world.

Tony knew the ethical implications and the risks of this but forged ahead anyway. Said murder-bot went all over the world intent on human extinction while the Avengers tried to chase him down. We can argue over whether it was appropriate for Avengers to intervene with Ultron before waiting for the UN to have their emergency committee hearing in 3 days, but I think the key is the Avengers risked their lives to tidy up Tony's their own mess, which is what accountability and dealing with the consequence is all about.

And that's the crux of Steve's argument, which I think a lot of people gloss over.

We are (giving up) if we're not taking responsibility for our actions. This document just shifts the blames.

The Accords passes the buck upwards to the UN…this means both the decisions and the responsibility for the decisions go elsewhere. The situation that riled Tony up in the first place was a mother telling him “I blame you” for Sokovia. Assuming we ignore Tony’s role in creating Ultron, how would oversight have changed the situation? They wouldn’t have been able to create Vision off the cuff, nor would they have been allowed to recruit the twins. The people in Sokovia? Would still have died, and likely far more of them because of a slower response.

But what Tony is saying is if they had oversight, the mother wouldn’t have marched up to him and blamed him. Or as Steve points out, he could shift that blame onto the UN.

Steve’s version of accountability is about taking ownership of their mistakes and finding a solution. Tony’s version of accountability is having someone else make the call and take the blame. (* I feel like this is a thing a lot of people - often young - get confused about. Accountability isn’t just about having someone telling you what to do. Some people and some organisations find themselves in the rare position of having no direct oversight, but they still need to have accountability measures in place - look at the UN Charter for example)

Going back to my original point, the only one shown to routinely ignore sovereign borders and inflict his will wherever he pleases was Tony. The one operating outside government sanction for the majority of his appearances was Tony. The one actively seeking out “criminals” and trying to “win a war before it starts” has always been Tony. Tony might not be the one wearing the red white and blue but he’s the only one gloating about having done the job for “Uncle Sam”. The greatest advocate for American imperialism was Tony, not Steve.

[mxdarling]

["to jealousy, to being yours"]

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅• •❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

ೃ⁀➷: summary: five (5) times you thought nobara liked maki, and the one (1) time she proved you wrong.

ೃ⁀➷: word count: 5k (5,010)

ೃ⁀➷: reference/inspiration: pov: you're falling in love with someone you cant have

[author's note:] hii so um HAPPY (VERY BELATED) BIRTHDAY BESTIE<33 @wenmiyun lots of hugs and kisses mwah mwah /p PLSS I'M SO SORRY I HAVE TO GIFT YOU MY SHITTY WRITING AND ESPECIALLY THIS LATE, here's my attempt of writing for nobara, i never written for jjk before so spare me the harsh criticism on their personalities </3

[warnings:] lowercase, occ nobara + other jjk characs, angst, fluff, jealousy behavior (from reader), reader really is jealous of maki, cringe humour, reader writes in (not) a diary, cursing, kiss scene, nobara is taller than reader, they/them pronouns, reader wants to be beaten up by nobara (once).

[If there is anything else triggering here that I didn’t list in the warnings section, please tell me.]

[GN reader]

ⅰ. (when she found maki pretty).

["dear diary, how does one cope with the intense feeling of knowing your feelings aren't reciprocated and you want to crawl in a hole and die? because I really want to crawl in a hole and die?"]

["dear diary, I don't even have a diary; I'm just writing on a piece of paper and calling it a diary to look like I actually write stuff down when really I don't."]

["dear diary, I'm feeling like a piece of shit and really overthinking this, but i think i'm 100% going to get rejected and I'm 100% going to look like an absolute fool in front of her, and I'm going to ruin our friendship in the process while I watch her get together with maki :')"]

["dear diary, imagine not being able to afford a therapist and having to resort to taking to some—"]

the sound of pencil lead being snapped, it falls to the wooden floor and magically disappears within the color of the floor. "…fucck.." you whisper curses, knowing you have to go find a sharpener, sharpen your pencil, and go back to writing in your diary (a piece of paper). what's even better is that you don't even know where the hell you're going to find a sharpener anywhere in these grounds, plus the fact that it literally took you almost 30 minutes just to find a goddamn pencil to write with—sometimes you just really question your luck in life.

you lean back on the chair, putting down the pencil on the desk beside the piece of paper. the silence in the classroom wasn't helping the debate happening inside your head—whether it was worth it to try and find a sharpener or suffer by yourself by letting this extreme surge of sadness from inside of you till you cry to the point of exhaustion. you decided you weren't going to deal with another emotional toll today.

after 15 minutes of attempting to find a sharpener, you gave up, opting to just walk around outside to hopefully soothe your troubled mind. while walking, you happened to see yuji and nobara talking to each other. walking up to them, you were to say hello to them (especially to see her) before stopping your footsteps from going forward. 

"do you find maki-san pretty?" head tilted, a child-like confusion is shown on yuji's face, facing towards the person in question, nobara.

intuitively, you hid behind a pillar to not be spotted by them. your ears are now caught in interest; you wanted—no, needed—to know her answer. your heart rate is picking up its pace, beating, and pounding so loudly in your chest that it almost feels like you're about to jump and escape into her arms. your smile couldn't be contained as it slowly grew and grew until it reached your ears, making you look like a fool in love (you very much are).

"hah? where did that question come from?" crossing her arms at her chest, taking a defensive stance to the question being thrown at her, she raises a brow at yuji's question. "just curious; you kind of look at maki differently, i guess?" with a convincingly straight face, yuji remains unbothered by the defensive stance nobara takes in response to his question, "so do you find-" 

"of course I'd find maki-san pretty," she answered, very quick and brief, cutting yuji off before he could even finish his attempt at repeating the question, almost like she's certain—confident even in her answer, which she just told to yuji.

that answer alone was enough to make your wide smile turn into a frown in a matter of seconds. you felt like crying; you could feel your eyes tearing up. staying here and watching the two of them talk was only going to worsen your mood, so you walked away on slightly shaking legs. wiping the tears that have now appeared, you've lost the determination to find that goddamn sharpener.

"but what abou-"

"but.." nobara cuts off yuji again, though he doesn't seem to be bothered by it, sending blank stares as he waits for her to continue on. nobara finishes, in a hushed and quiet tone, "(name) is definitely the prettiest."

ⅱ. (when she had fighting sessions with maki)

you were on edge, high on anticipation, feeling the sweat in your palms build up as you sit at the end of your seat, watching from the sidelines as nobara and maki practice fighting each other to pass the time. you silently cheered on for nobara with absolute bias; despite the winner of this fighting match being as clear as day (it's maki), you still cheered on for nobara, for her. 

the way she moved and dodged every attack maki made towards her, the way she gripped very tightly onto her weapon in hand, every swift and duck she did, every twist and turn her body did—she somehow made all of them so goddamn alluring. your eyes were stuck to her like glue, watching her every move just like maki except not out of caution and with the intent to defeat her but because of how breathless you were from watching from afar. her scrunched-up face when she struggles, those displays of frustration and smug grins when she's trying to disguise her pain—all these things about her are what made you drawn to her. even when everything else around you is hectic and chaotic, your eyes will search and search till they land on her. somehow, in some way, your eyes always manage to find her.

maki-san was lucky, you thought as your eyes continued to be stuck on nobara, slowly blurring out the rest of the fight scene and just focusing on her and her alone. she gets a front-row view of nobara, gets to hang out with her, and has the honor of being someone she admires and someone she respects. maki-san doesn't know how lucky she is, you thought again, this time feeling more envy—perhaps even showing it on your face with how much it boils inside of you. controlling your facial expressions when you finally snapped out of that jealousy haze you were momentarily in, remembering how you got caught making a face around maki as she got you to snap out by asking you directly if there was something on her face. you didn't want to be caught again by her suspicious gaze. who knows what she'll do when she gets so pissed that she starts beating you up?

if you were being honest, you'd much rather prefer nobara beating you up; if the roles of the fight were reversed and you were in the fight instead of maki-san, you would be in paradise. multiple times already have you been utterly bested in a fight against nobara and every single time she would have that victory smirk plastered on her face, it never failed to set you in a frenzy state.

"haah, i wasn't even close," nobara said in defeat as she sat on the grass, exhausted. taking heavy and deep breaths, the rise and fall of her chest prove the amount of air the fight took out of her.

"heh, you did better than last time; i'll say that," maki says as she extends her hand towards the tired nobara, offering to help her get back on her feet.

taking the help, she reached for maki's hand, and upon contact, maki pulled her back up. when the two locked eyes, there's a new-found twinkle in nobara's eyes, seeing as maki just complimented her. "wah!? really, maki-san!?" 

perhaps you were in a daze for far too long, for the fighting match had already ended with maki-san being the victor, of course. you stared at them from a distance as they continued to converse with one another. you could feel your face contort into an expression—you're not sure what kind of expression you were making exactly. though you couldn't hear their conversation, you could see their expressions and faces change as the talk between them went on. they looked like they're having a lot of fun, you thought, especially her; the thought persists to drill into your brain. feeling sick in your stomach, you stood up from your seat and walked off, not wanting to look at the scene of them happily talking any longer. maybe writing in that diary (piece of paper) will cheer you up.

"did you do better because they were watching?" maki raised an eyebrow at nobara, smirking slightly as she watched the ginger-haired girl get flustered by her question.

"h-how did you-"

"it's not rocket science; it's more clear than the curses i see without my glasses," maki commented bluntly while also cutting nobara mid-sentence. although what she said was true, it was a blow to nobara's pride as she was doing everything she didn't want to do: being obvious about how she feels towards you.

ⅲ. (when she smiled at maki and maki smiled at her back)

gojo satoru, your sensei, had a plan for all the first years and second years to go to the beach this sunday, saying how it's a good time to take a break and relax from our student responsibilities and enjoy our youth, or something along those lines and while most of them were reluctant to go (because it was gojo sensei's idea, you could never trust what he's planning about, plus he is a moron) somehow—and miraculously so, managed to convince everyone, including you, to join in on the trip.

contrary to your initial expectations about the trip, it's pretty fun (good job sensei!), for the first time in quite a while, you felt relaxed. something you haven't felt in what, weeks? months? in you convince yourself enough you might even believe it has been years since you've felt the tension leave your body. not only was the view of the beautiful sunset amazing but everything else around you too. the cool wind kissing your face as your hair flows in the air, the splashing of waves against the shore, the distant noise of birds chirping as they fly above you, the loud laughter of your upperclassmen and friends as they have fun chasing each other in the sand. this was pure bliss.

getting bored of the sunset view you turned your head to face your upperclassmen and friends doing their usual antics onto each other, gaining a small smile and a short-lived laugh out of you. as your eyes start to drift away from the sight of your friends, it naturally searches for nobara, for her. once it does finds her, there's a split second of your eyes widening in joy before returning back to your neutral face as you notice who she's with, maki, again. you turn your head away to try and be subtle but still keep an eye on them, from your peripheral vision you could see nobara sending maki a smile and maki sends her a small smile in return, they look happy together, you thought— sometimes you wish that was you instead, standing by her side, smiling and happily by her side. deep down you know that will never happen.

while you weren't looking, nobara took (not so) tiny and small glances at your direction, the view she had of your side profile was perfect, the effect of the sunset on you made a smile on her face, realizing how beautiful you were and all the little facial features you had she hasn't noticed yet. she would stare at you for hours and hours on end, for seeing your face was already a miracle for her.

ⅳ. (when she looks for matching bracelets with maki)

the bustling city outside the borders of tokyo jujutsu high wasn't the kind of environment you would choose to spend your free time in; you'd much prefer staying inside your dorm and sleeping or playing games on your phone, but you were invited by nobara herself (and being the desperate fool you are, you would take any chances and opportunities to spend some quality time with her). you're currently waiting in front of some cafe, sitting on one of their outside tables and chairs, for nobara and maki to arrive.

sure, you weren't too happy that maki would be accompanying you two (you deeply and desperately wished it was just you two hours prior; does the world really hate you that much?) but you weren't going to let that fact bother you. no, you weren't. maki-san is a great person, a great friend of nobara, and someone she admires. you just want to control your jealousy around her. mentally prepare talking to yourself as you await their arrival. you pray that you don't appear weird or crazy with how sometimes you accidentally slip out curses out of your mouth. you don't need to make a fool of yourself this early in the day.

minutes have passed, and you could see two familiar silhouettes appearing in your line of sight, walking towards the cafe you're waiting at. you start waving at them to show you were already here, and they wave back as their figures slowly get clearer and bigger in your line of sight. "wow.. you look great, (name)!" your eyes widen at nobara's positive comment on your outfit; it wasn't anything special, just the clothes you usually wear when you go out, except with a little more style. there's no way you're going to underdress when she's going to show up. "heh.. thanks! you look great too! and- maki-san as well!" you can feel your hands sweat a little, giving out a nervous smile. you compliment her back (you wanted to say more) while also not forgetting to mention maki as well. just so you don't seem rude and impolite.

maki hummed in acknowledgement of your comment. "you're not bad yourself, (name)," she says. you know maki isn't one to sugarcoat, so it was good to be affirmed that you didn't look bad.

"now, which store should we check out first?"

hours have passed, and the three of you have gone into at least three stores, which felt like a blast to you. never has walking around big malls and looking through hundreds of different kinds and sets of clothing been this fun and exciting. bags, and bags have filled the majority of your hands. you three walked together, chatting along while trying to look for more stores to shop at. finally settling on a small shop down the street that sells handmade bracelets.

"this one suits you, maki-san!" nobara exclaimed, giving the bracelet to maki for her to try on, and when maki put the bracelet on, her eyes beamed as she said something about finding more bracelets to buy for the three of you guys.

as you watched them pick out bracelets from the ones displayed, you stared at them from a distance. watching them closely, not even caring to be subtle about your staring as you feel a certain familiar feeling start boiling up inside you. even then, you continued to watch them, your hands no longer picking up bracelets to try on as they remained still by your side. they look so nice together. though, as you know, that was intended to be sarcasm, the enviousness' grew and grew by milliseconds, not just towards maki but to everything. why was it always maki-san with her? why is it that she gets to be with her the most? why couldn't maki-san be replaced by you? why couldn't that be you?

"how about you, (name)? did you find one you like?" nobara's voice pulls you out of your daze. she was now staring straight at you, causing you to crumble inside within seconds. the jealousy and envy feeling inside faded as she had you now in a more giddy state. you swallowed a lump down your throat to hopefully increase your chances of not sounding like a nervous wreck.

"uh- sorry, haven't found one yet.. plus i need to go.." you try to politely leave, seeing as you might just ruin the whole hangout if your jealousy gets in the way. better to just leave then to cause trouble for everyone else. "you're leaving already?" nobara raised an eyebrow at your mention of departure. not that she was surprised, as she knew your energy levels were different compared to hers; it was just that this was way too early for you to leave, usually whenever you guys hang out.

"yeah.. bye!"

"..see ya (name)!"

rushing to leave your footsteps fasten as you basically speed walk away from them, without saying a word, you left. not even looking back once.

"you think (name) will like this bracelet?" holding up a purple color scheme bead bracelet between her fingers, she inspects it—almost like she's imagining how it would look on your wrist. "or would they like this one better?" she said, holding up another bead bracelet in her other hand between her fingers; this time it was a blue color scheme. giving the bracelet the same look she gave it with the other one.

"i think they would like anything you give to them," maki replied, rather sure of her words. while she doesn't know the nature of how deep your relationship is with nobara, she can tell it was a close bond. "..you think so?" whispering, her orange gaze softens as she eyes the bracelets in two of her hands. maki observes the girl; the aura around her feels tender, like she got dragged into feeling such a sentimental scene. "you know, if you can't decide, you can just buy both." just then, a light bulb lit up inside nobara's head.

she did, in fact, buy both bracelets; of course, both bracelets had a pair.

ⅴ. (when she said she loved maki)

"i love you."

that was the last nail hammered on the coffin, and god, does it fucking hurt so much? it felt like your whole heart just died, got shot where it hurt the most, and bled and bled till nothing was left behind. your heart bled for nothing; it loved for nothing; you hoped and prayed for nothing. this was the upcoming downfall you warned yourself about over and over again, yet you still fell for it. you still fell for the false hopes you deluded yourself into having, making yourself think you had any slim chance of getting your feelings reciprocated. how stupid—how stupid of you to believe in anything.

the world around you blurs out: the sounds of people talking and chatting, the walking and running footsteps of hundreds and thousands of strangers, the chirping of birds, the engines of vehicles, and such driving on the road—it is all just one blurry background to you. one that your brain cannot process, one that your brain doesn't want to process, because every fiber and tissue in your being is wishing right now to be swallowed whole by a curse and crushed into countless pieces to the point of no recognition. you wish to be erased, removed, eradicated, disintegrated—anything that could make you disappear from this world—from her. just by hearing her name in your head makes you want to go fucking insane.

perhaps it was your fault for being so nosy and wanting to take a peek at the note that has been placed on nobara's desk. if only you weren't so desperate for any confirmation of her feelings, if only you stayed content with how things are with her, you wouldn't have to get hurt this badly. the letter that was on her desk was a love letter, and you could still remember how your heart picked up pace, giving you an anxious feeling in your gut after such a discovery. slowly and nervously opening up the folded letter, you instantly knew whose handwriting it was—it was nobara's. you read and read, then you put down the letter and walked away, trying to hold back your tears from falling out. you weren't even able to read the whole thing because you knew who it was for. it was for maki.

you hated how she talked about how pretty maki was—the prettiest even—how she loved those fighting sessions she had with her, how beautiful she looked as she watched the sunset go down, and how she bought matching bracelets thinking of her. every word written in the letter screamed maki, maki, maki, maki.. not you.

you locked yourself in your room, crashing forcefully onto the bed. you lay there motionless, almost like you're dead. well, perhaps you are dead; a part of you is gone, erased, eradicated. there's a certain numbness in your tongue yet an overwhelming sense of sadness in your head that you just can't get rid of.

["dear diary, I feel like shit; i look like shit; what's even the point? clearly,  she doesn't like me; why am I still pursuing?"]

["dear diary, i'm so mad at myself; i want to scream so badly, but it's like there's this rock somewhere in my mouth stopping me from letting it all out—shit, shit, i'm cryin' now."]

suddenly, a knock on your door reaches your ears, pulling you out of your head. the energy to walk up and open the door is non-existent, as you just want to lay down and not get up. you only do so when you hear a familiar voice outside of your room.

"(name)? can we talk?" her voice is a bit muffled due to being on the other side of the door, but you could still hear her as clearly as day. she sounded concerned, which in turn made you concerned too. what did she want to talk about? did you do something wrong? did you accidentally make her mad? panic settles in, and questions start flooding in your mind. you got up from your bed and walked towards the door, opening just slightly to take a peek outside, and there she was, standing outside your room.

"hey.." you tried putting effort into your greeting, but it just came out very tired. making it up for the tired greeting, you gave a small smile. you could see from the small opening of the door that she gave a small smile back to you. you opened the door wide for her, letting her into your room so that the conversation between you two would remain private.

"you saw the letter...?" she looked in disbelief as she said that, the kind of look you would give to someone who you didn't want to see what they just saw. was the love letter for maki supposed to be a secret? "..you mean the letter for maki-san? yeah, but i didn't take a peek," you lied, somehow saying that lie was much easier to breathe at the moment. god, just mentioning her name in your mouth was enough to have you breakdown, but you needed to be strong; you needed to put up a front long enough for you to be alone and die from heartbreak.

"for maki-san? the letter is not for maki-san.." confusion was evident on her face; seeing her reaction made you confused as well. was the letter really not for maki-san? you thought. were you wrong about the letter being for maki-san? you thought again.

"..the letter was for you, (name)!"

"..what? wait! you like me!?"

"yes!"

you two stared at each other in shock as confusion faded away while the confession settled slowly in your mind. she likes you, not maki-san; she likes you and not maki-san; surely this might be a dream—no way she actually likes you back. there's just no way it's possible.

"i like you (name)," sounding more sure of herself, the slight furrowed of her eyebrows, her lips being in a straight line, her eyes showing fear, nervousness, and anticipation all in one, the trembling of her hands—you could see her waiting patiently for your answer. this was enough to tell you that this was real; her confession was real and sincere.

"..i like you too."

ⅰ. (when her lips touched yours, in uttermost passion)

she was so pretty up close—way too pretty, in fact—that she left you stunned—so stunned that you don't even realize really just how close she actually was. you can feel her breath on your lips and your cheeks heating up. enchanted by her and her beauty, you can no longer restrain yourself anymore. slowly sneaking your arms around her neck, resting them on her shoulders, you gently push her closer to you, all the while trying to hide your eagerness. noticing your behavior changed, she grins—grabbing your waist in her hands to keep you from potentially moving away from her; she doesn't want to let you go (not that you would do such a thing; clearly from your actions, you don't want to let her go either). inch by inch, little by little, the space between you two disappears as seconds pass by. just as you're about to get the luxury of kissing her, she diverts her head to the side of your head; instead of kissing your lips, she kisses underneath your ear instead.

surprised by her bold action, you let out a squeak, that scarlet color of red spreading through your cheeks and ears, shutting your eyes due to the embarrassment you feel—you can feel the soft touch her kisses emit on your skin. tingling every nerve in your nervous system, causing your whole body to tremble tremendously, and not being able to do anything but let her continue pressing gentle kisses underneath your ear is a blissful moment for you, one you don't want to end.

alas, you felt the loss of her lips on your skin, the creeping feeling of disappointment shown on your facials when you frowned when she pulled away. she notices the change in your mood and is flashing a smug expression back at your frown. "aww... what's wrong? you have quite the long face.." she teased, letting out a little laugh as she spoke. moving one of her hands from your waist to your cheek, she gently caressed it with her thumb, moving it slowly in different patterns and shapes. even as she teases you, that glint of tenderness in her eyes gives your heart a fast-pumping rhythm, just like the many times before she's made your heartbeat hasten.

"..i want to kiss you!" you quietly yet boldly declare right to her face, eyebrows furrowed and eyes slightly squinted to show how much you want—no, you need for her lips to be on yours. after so much restraint and yearning, you deserve at least this much. plus, with how close her lips are to you, how could you not want to kiss her?

you could see her eyes slightly widen at your demand, surprised by your unexpected newfound confidence and boldness, cheeks go slightly red after really processing what you've just said, and she can feel the breath in her throat go away as soon as she tries to speak. "l-like, right now!?" hating the way she stutters, especially in front of someone as pretty as you, the tremble of her lips tells you enough of what she's really feeling right now. "yes, if that's okay with you," you reply, not wanting to force her into something she didn't want to do.

"no! it's..it's okay."

"are you sure?"

"yes, i'm sure (name).."

"are you really sure..?"

"yes, i'm totally sure."

"...okay" you say, not necessarily believing her but still taking her word for it. unwrapping your arms around her neck, you put your grip on her uniform, pulling her even closer to you than before, making her feel your nervous breath on her lips and hers on yours. "..are you ready?" showing your uncertainty in her consent to let you kiss her. you wanted to be ultimately sure that she wanted this too and that this wasn't one-sided by any means possible. "always" she smiled, rather softly and not the smug kind you were expecting. she always had such a dominating aura in your eyes; the way she presented herself wherever she was and the confidence she carries always made your legs buckle and your heart throb.

you went on your tippy toes, making yourself slightly taller than your original height to help you close the gap between your lips better. in your opinion, the lack of space between you two would have made you shiver in distress had it been anyone else that was in her position; she was not anyone else; no, she was the exception. the only way you would let this close to you personally (and literally), she was very, very special indeed.

she must have grown impatient because, as soon as you moved just an inch towards her face, she moved her lips onto yours. her eyes were closed when she went in for the kiss; you, however, were in a state of shock, like time had frozen still, leaving you somewhat paralyzed in the palms of her hands, temporarily helpless as you finally reap what you've sowed for such a very long time. the kiss was nothing grand; the best way you could describe the kiss shared between you two was a peck on the lips. it was very clear that neither of you two had any sort of experience with romance, let alone intimacy. this was probably the first kiss you two were going to have, and god, it felt really good.

"............"

"............"

"...wow, that was so hot."

"yeah? really?"

"yeah, really hot, like really, really hot."

"..do you want another one?"

"..hell yeah"

you kissed her one last time, just to make sure none of this wasn't a dream—it wasn't; not one bit was a dream. her lips are reality, her hands touching your cheeks are reality, her being yours is reality, and you being hers is reality. all of this is reality, and goddamn, it feels so fucking good.

["dear diary, FUCK YOU, I HAVE A FUCKING GIRLFRIEND NOW!!"]

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅• •❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

PLEASE DO NOT COPY, REPOST, SHARE, TRANSLATE OR REUPLOAD ANY OF MY WORKS TO OTHER SITES WITHOUT MY PERMISSION + REBLOGS AND COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED.

[nerdygaymormon]

A lot of rhetoric in support of anti-trans legislation to restrict gender-affirming care talks about regret and detransitioning.

Some proportion of people experience regret for any medical procedure, from chemotherapy to orthopedic surgery. Nonetheless, we don’t see a plethora of opinion pieces about the awful risks of hip replacements. It’s inevitable that some percentage of people who transition will regret it; the real question is whether the medical care is beneficial on the whole—not whether the occasional person later regrets a medical choice they made when younger.

In 2021, it was found that 13.1% of transgender people participating in the U.S. Transgender Survey reported detransitioning at some point in their lives.

The authors of this study are careful to note “these experiences did not necessarily reflect regret regarding past gender affirmation.” Family and societal pressure are the driving forces that lead many people to detransition – not because people wake up and decide they're not actually trans. All those who took part in the survey still identified as trans, thus it's presumed that the detransitioning was temporary.

Transitioning and detransitioning is complex. You can stop taking hormones and still be trans. You can regret taking steps that alienate you from your family, even as you wish your family would accept you living how you want to live. You can even regret some aspects of a treatment (any kind of medical treatment) while being grateful for the knowledge you gained by trying it out.

Detransitioning doesn't equal regret. Regret doesn’t always mean that people wish they hadn’t transitioned, it just means that there are some parts of the story that they long to change.

What’s clear from this evidence is that the vast majority of people do not experience regret, however defined, after transitioning genders. The rate of regret is still better than other treatments which don’t require national debates over their use, which really begs the question of why the health decisions of this group gets so much attention, and why so many people weigh in even though they have no medical or psychological training and aren't directly involved the treatment of transgender people.

————————————————————

The study included a sample of the responses of the reasons by those who detransitioned at some point in their life. I think they are insightful.

External factors

 Caregiving reasons “I was caring for my 80+ year old mother who had severe dementia, and it was just too confusing for her.”

 Difficult to blend in as identified gender “I don't pass, even after FFS [facial feminization surgery] etc.”

 Financial reasons “Unable to afford HRT [hormone replacement therapy]”

 Lack of support “Lack of trans community at the time” “Back in 1997, virtually no one had heard of queergender people. I couldn't find a support system, and I couldn't figure out how to tell people what I was.”

 Legal reasons “Social services legal pressure regarding child custody” “Forced to by going to federal prison for two years” “Family court order—part of custody award”

 Medical reasons “Blood clotting from estrogen” “Pain in binding large chest”

 Fertility reasons “We decided to have kids so [I] went back to testosterone long enough to bank sperm so we can do IVF [in vitro fertilization].”

 Pressure from a medical health professional “Parents took me to a region with hostile doctors.” “Medical supervisor at federal facility removed regional-approved treatment because I didn't fit his idea of ‘a gay man so gay [he] wants to be a woman so it's easier to sleep with men’ after I had identified as lesbian to him.”

 Pressure from a mental health professional “Mental health professional told me I am not transgender and thought I was just crazy.” “In those days you couldn't be diagnosed trans if you were also gay or lesbian.”

 Pressure from a parent “Moved home after college. Had to conform for parents.” “I was facing being pulled out of school by my family.”

 Pressure from the community or societal stigma “With the high level of transphobia that exist[s], life gets very lonely.” “I live in a very conservative place and was afraid for my safety.”

 Pressure from my employer “There are times when my current job requires me to present [as] female.”

 I had trouble getting a job “I flip flopped genders because of needed employment.”

 Military-related reasons “Military forced me to detransition while in service.”

 Pressure from friends or roommates “Staying with people I knew would harass me”

 Pressure from unspecified or nonparent family members “Visiting conservative extended family for the holidays” “I temporarily detransition during visits with my in laws.”

 Pressure from religion or a religious counselor “Religious pressure (Mormon)” “Pressure from religion”

 Pressure from school “School staff harassed and abused me daily for my gender expression.” “Exclusion by Peers in School, No Mechanism for Getting Preferred Name on School Rosters”

 Pressure from a spouse or partner “I began to really clearly identify as transgender … but I realized it was pushing my marriage apart. At the time, I decided to try living as my assigned gender and set these feelings aside, but they kept cropping back up.”

 Wanting to find a spouse or partner “My partner of 4 years and I split up and I felt that I would always be alone as a trans person.” “Difficult to find lovers, dates”

 Sexual or physical assault “Traumatized by corrective rape so recloseted” “I have become frightened of the police since being sexually molested by an officer.”

 Sports-related reasons “Playing competitive sports”

 Travel or relocation “North Dakota is not a friendly place for anyone outside the gender binary. When I go back home, I butch up.” “I was studying abroad in a country hostile to LGBTQ* people (Russia).”

 Unable to access gender-affirming hormones “Living in rural area, couldn't get hormones” “I lost access to HRT and stopped passing.”

Internal factors

 Psychological reasons “Wasn't emotionally ready, I was scared of my identity.” “Transition had to be put on hold due to mental health issues.” “suicide attempt”

 Uncertainty or doubt around gender “Unsure of my exact gender identity” “Thought I might have been wrong/confused”

 Fluctuations in identity or desire “My gender feels complicated and changing all the time.” “I enjoy having the ability to go back and forth between genders.”

Note: internal factors can be the result of external factors (e.g., self-doubt regarding one's gender identity in response to being persistently misgendered or rejected).

[masterjedilenawrites]

Hello! Is it okay if I can request Crosshair being father figure to self conscious and scared reader?

Hope it's okay that I'm using this prompt to continue the next part of my "Protecting a Princess" story!

The Bad Batch & Princess!Reader | 2k words

Content: Reader feeling some emotions, handling weapons, disappointed Hunter, Crosshair comforts in his own way

Also yes, the Marauder is a magical Mary Poppins bag of a ship with endless space for whatever emotional moment needs to play out.

You had cried yourself to sleep, waking up an undeterminable amount of time later with swollen eyes and an aching chest. But these men never seemed to sleep.

They were a bustling mess of activity for hours. Tech was picking over the droid parts, disassembling them all across the ship in some sort of vague effort to "better understand them." Apparently they were different than other droids they'd seen, though you didn't understand how as Tech brushed off his team's questions, unable to talk much while he was working. Hunter and Echo paced around the cockpit, throwing out all possible explanations for the odd series of events they'd encountered so far in an effort to identify which could make the most sense, and to figure out what they could possibly do about it. Wrecker couldn't seem to decide what to do, flitting between various activities such as working out, disassembling some weapons, and pulling snacks out of hiding spots from around the ship. Only Crosshair stayed quiet, keeping to himself in his own bunk as he slowly and methodically cleaned every piece of his rifle.

You wanted to cry again, and the longer you held in your tears, the worse you felt. You knew it was only a matter of time before it all came exploding out of you, and that seemed far too dramatic than what you actually felt. You felt embarrassed, for sure. Guilty, even. You didn't like being thought of as a silly girl who got into trouble because she wouldn't listen. That was juvenile. You were better than that. So you would not be throwing a tantrum, thank you very much.

You were also scared, though you weren't quite ready to admit that one yet. A simple trip to the capital had already turned into a mess, full of missing stations and experimental battledroids. Were you really prepared to handle any of this? Were you really the best person for this task?

Try as you did to hold them back, the tears still needed to come out. You didn't want to risk doing it in your bunk again. The boys had left you alone before, but now you could see Hunter glancing over at you every so often. He wore a look you recognized from your parents, one that said We need to talk. You'd definitely need to release another good cry from your system before that happened.

There didn't seem to be any private place to do so on this ship, other than the tiny refresher in the corner. After much debating on whether you could get away with steeling yourself in there for a moment, you finally slithered to the edge of your bunk.

But you were surprised by a figure jumping in front of you. Crosshair. He'd dropped down from his bunk and was now standing in front of you, another toothpick between his teeth. He seemed to be considering something, probably how pathetic you looked with red eyes and bedhead.

"Let's go for a walk."

You blinked up at him, not sure if you heard correctly.

"A walk?" Even with Tech's project out of the way, there wouldn't much room on the ship to walk around.

He didn't provide clarification, instead turning heel and started picking his way through Tech's mess of parts on the ground. You got up and followed him, partly out of curiosity, partly because you didn't want to have to interact with Hunter instead.

Crosshair had made it to the back of the ship. There was a little ladder that led up to the gunner's nest. He crouched down and released some kind of latch on the floor, sliding a panel backward and then shifting the ladder to then descend downward. He took a brief look back to see if you were coming, then he started climbing down.

You inched up to the edge of the opened floor, watching as his silver hair disappeared into the darkness. A part of you wondered if you should trust him. You hadn't always thought such things, unfortunately. You were far too trusting for your own good. Though, to be fair, you'd had no reason until recently to believe anyone would take advantage of you. But then you yourself took a glance behind you, saw Hunter at the opposite end of the ship, still eyeing you down with intent to reprimand you again at some point, and you decided you'd much rather follow Crosshair into the dark bowels of the ship.

It was a quick climb down, and by the time you made it, Crosshair had turned on the strip lighting along the baseboards. It was a cargo hold, by the looks of it. You recognized a few of your own trunks, stacked haphazardly right by the ladder. Elsewhere were a few other crates and boxes. There was also a mess of wires dangling from the ceiling, a bag of some kind of snack that had made its way onto the floor, and what looked to be a pile of books atop one of the crates.

Crosshair walked over to it and perched himself onto the crate next to the books. He drew one of his legs up and kept the other dangling off the ledge. It looked like a position he often settled in, so you figured those must be his books.

"I didn't know you were a reader," you said quietly, taking only a few steps forward.

Crosshair took out his toothpick and rested his arm across his knee, playing with the pick between his fingers.

"And I didn't know you were a scaredy-cat," he said in return. It wasn't malicious or taunting, so you were able to take his words and mull them over without breaking. You did hang your head, though, and that prompted him to continue. "What are you so afraid of?"

Your hands found the hem of your cloak, fiddling with the edges like he was with his toothpick. "I... I don't know. I've never felt this way before."

"No?"

You looked up at him. Though his face was contorted in its usual scowl, somehow it looked softer, more encouraging. Or maybe you were just getting better at reading him.

"I used to get in trouble for running from home. Sometimes that castle felt like more of a prison than a home. I wanted to explore, climb trees, find new views. I'd feel bad for a bit but then I'd sneak back out again. This feels different. It's not like a fun adventure I'm making up for myself. This is real. My people... they're depending on me. I can't let them down."

"Then why did you leave the ship earlier?"

The million credit question. You lowered your head back down. "I was being stupid."

"Yes, you were."

You risked a glance, expecting Crosshair to hold a similarly disapproving look as Hunter. Instead, you found the same stoic but gentle face that was there before.

"It was stupid to not have a way to defend yourself. You could've at least taken a stun grenade from Wrecker's stash."

You blinked at him in surprise. That was all he was concerned with? Not that you left in the first place, only that you weren't carrying a weapon?

"Oh," you said dumbly, not knowing how else to respond.

Crosshair flicked the toothpick away and got off the crate, moving over to another one and popping open the top. He rummaged around inside for a bit before pull out a small hand gun.

"Here," he said as he tried handing it to you.

"Oh I don't know how to use those things." You put your hands up so you wouldn't have to touch it.

"No kidding," he smirked, amused. He gestured for you to lower your hands, and then maneuvered the weapon into one so you were holding the grip and pointing the barrel downward. "Now aim."

He was pointing toward his stack of books. You looked at him in alarm.

"You want me to fire it in here? Isn't that dangerous?"

He huffed a little in annoyance. "No, I want you to aim. Get comfortable holding it. Feel how it sits in your hands. The less scared you are to touch it, the easier it'll be to actually use it."

You gulped, still nervous but trusting his advice. You raised the blaster up, pointing it toward the books. Crosshair walked around you and gently tapped your other arm.

"Hold with both hands. Don't lock your elbows."

You did as he said and found your new position a little more comfortable.

"Line up your sights," he instructed next, pointing out the two notches along the top of the blaster, one at the front and one at the back.

You adjusted your grip and sights in different ways until you could steadily hold it and see the target lined up at the other side.

"Squeeze the trigger," came the next command.

You panicked again, looking over at him with wide eyes.

"Never take your eye off the target," he said sternly, pointing your chin back the proper way. "And it's a dead blaster. Tech took the firing mechanism out for repair and forgot to put it back in."

You sighed in relief and worked on getting yourself back into position. After a beat, you sucked in a breath and pulled the trigger. The blaster made a little clicking noise but nothing else happened. Still, you pictured the stack of books in front of you bursting in response, and though it was a little scary to think about, you also felt proud of your imaginary efforts.

"You don't need to hold your breath," Crosshair huffed. "But we'll work on that."

You offered to give the gun back but he shook his head.

"I'll find the firing pin and get it working again. Hunter may not let you be by yourself ever again, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't know how to protect yourself anyway."

You nodded slowly, thinking it through. You supposed you wouldn't have felt half as bad as you did, had you not tripped pathetically over yourself in that forest and had instead fought back until your protectors came. Though it only took care of half the problem - the other being your naiveté as you navigated this strange new galaxy - it was the most comfort you'd been given amidst the chaos.

"Thank you, Crosshair," you said in a quiet but sincere voice.

The tall clone just brushed you off. "It'll make my job easier is all."

You slipped the gun into your belt, just underneath your cloak. And then the two of you climbed back up into the main deck of the ship. Not much had changed in your time away. Tech still had a mess, Wrecker was still searching for things to do. Echo was still in the cockpit. Hunter, though, was emerging from that room and heading your way. You were about to address him, figuring if you started with an apology then his speech may not be so bad. But then you noticed he wasn't looking at you, but at something behind you.

You turned to see Crosshair's lips pursed as he shook his head at Hunter. When he caught you looking he stopped, picked out another toothpick from his belt, and sauntered away.

You looked back toward Hunter, who seemed to be deciding whether to listen to Crosshair's signal to let it go or not. His eyes settled on you and that seemed to do the trick. His shoulders relaxed and he gave you an apologetic smirk.

"Alright, boys," he called out. Then, with a respectful nod your way, "And Princess... Whatever's going on, we need to figure it out before the Senate hearing. If there's some sort of trap in Coruscant, I don't want us taking her highness there unprepared. So we're going to stop by to see an old friend. Lay low for a bit while we find answers."

The others on the ship nodded but otherwise kept at their previous activities. Hunter turned toward you with a final message.

"Don't worry, Princess. We'll still get you to Coruscant, safely and on time."

Protecting a Princess Tag: @arctrooper69, @nekotaetae, @flowered-bicycles

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[vent-stink]

Ateez Members and Whether or Not I could be in Successful Relationships with Them.

Not proofread at all, literally just word vomited

Seonghwa 10/10

Absolutely. Well. I originally had it as a 10/10 and then remembered that I'm an absolute mess and he would hate me so I changed it to a 9/10, but then again, he also shared a room with Hongjoong and I at least clean up after myself semi-regularly, so it's back to a 10/10.

We have all the same hobbies. Animal Crossing, Building Legos (He's more into this than I am, but I have been known to build 300+ pieces in my day), Cooking (I'm terrible at it, but I'm sure I could listen to him tell me what to do), etc. I'm more of a homebody, so I'd gladly enjoy just staying in and watching whatever drama I want or whatever movie he wants, and if he wants to go out, he'd be the push I'd need to go out!

He could pick my outfits, or if he wanted to wear something more feminine than usual, perhaps I'd decidedly wear something more masculine.

Seonghwa is like a mom, but he's also like a little kid, which I am also known to be! I think we could balance each other out well with the "you annoy me and I pretend to be annoyed" vibe, but you never know who will be who in the dynamic.

I could very easily see us falling into a similar dynamic to him and Hongjoong where Seonghwa is like "Look we're wearing a couple outfit" and I hate it (but I don't really, I love it).

Overall, I really think Seonghwa would bring out the best in me. Hongjoong 6/10

I honestly think I'm not hot enough for Hongjoong. I think I could treat him in a way that he might want to keep me around, but ultimately, I think it's a very high level difficulty to get to know him in the first place and an equally high if not higher standard of maintenance that he will most likely not meet me at because he's so focused on his career and his art. I think I'd need a lot of patience to get to know him and I'm honestly not the type to wait around for someone to finally look at me (well, that's actually debatable), so I'm not sure we'd ever realistically be able to get to the relationship point.

But let's say that I did make my way to him, and he wanted to get into a relationship with me. I think I'd be good at providing a place of comfort and rest, because Lord knows he loves sleeping and can fall asleep anywhere, and so can I. I think the majority of our time would be spent sleeping in the same bed. Not even cuddling, unless he initiated it, since I know he's not a physical touch kind of guy, though who knows how that might change if we were to get into a relationship. I think generally, though, he's just not a very affectionate guy, and that's fine with me as long as he establishes that I am the one he likes every once in a while.

I'm definitely not talented in the way Hongjoong is, but I do have a huge interest in music and general production, so if he ever were to let me sit with him while he works, I'd definitely show a lot of interest if he'd like that. If he would prefer to not be disturbed at all while he works, I'm good at keeping myself busy, so he'd never have to worry about that either.

I'm good at taking care of other people, and I'm a pretty low maintenance person, I think (this could be debated, but all I really need is to be reminded that you love me every once in a while). The only problem is that I dishes and I don't know how to clean a bathroom, and I doubt Hongjoong does either, so that'll probably be the end of us. If not for that, I think me and Hongjoong could be relatively successful, but unlikely. (I wrote a lot for someone I don't think I'd get along with).

Yunho 5/10

I'm like Mingi. Straight up, I am like Mingi, and I would get so insecure to see my partner treat everyone the same way and wonder if I'm not actually as special to him as I thought. Even if he does regard me highly, I think the little difference in the way he treats me in comparison with other people might just make me feel way too angsty more often than not.

But I think if I got over that, we'd have a pretty fun relationship. He'd be the extrovert I need to get out of my comfort zone. I'd gladly let him drag me out to meet his friends (although tbh I don't think he has MANY, I think he's the type of extrovert to be friendly with everyone, not necessarily to HAVE a lot a friends), or I'd be equally as glad to just hang out in his room while he plays games, because, like I said, I'm really good at keeping myself busy. I think I'd just like to be with him, since I don't like being alone, and I think being with him would never let me feel like that.

I think with a man like Yunho, he wouldn't know how to subside my general insecurity of him being a friendly guy unless he went out of his way to keep me by his side in public, which I really don't think he'd do, not because he wouldn't want to, but I just don't think he'd think to do it and I wouldn't ask him to because I don't want to be clingy (even though I am very clingy).

I really do think Yunho would be a great boyfriend, and I could be a good girlfriend to him, but I wouldn't want to dim his light with my insecurities and clinginess. He deserves to be an energetic golden retriever running in a field without me holding a leash. Yeosang 7/10

I think we would get along great. I take my view of him based on his relationship with Wooyoung, and I think he'd be the type to want to be prioritized, but he would never say so. I think I'm also like that, but once I love someone, I latch onto them, and I think he would like that. I think in that sense, I would be like San is, to him, because I like to chase just as much as I like being chased, so long as the other person doesn't mind. In this case, I'd be the one chasing, even after getting together.

I think he'd let me do whatever I want, especially with physical affection, even if he hates it (or pretends to?). We're both pretty airheaded, even though we're smart, so I think we'd be pretty cute together in the sense that it would be funny to see each other in each other, if you know I mean? I don't think it would take a lot to be a good girlfriend to Yeosang as long as I make it clear to him that I like him. I think we'd be an overall pretty low maintenance relationship.

I think the only problem in getting with him would be him not knowing what to do when I'm sad. I think, like me, if he were to see me sad, he'd probably just wait it out and let me deal with it, and while that's not the wrong strategy, I think that wouldn't differentiate him from casual people in my life when I really probably just need someone close to me to just be with me and comfort me through it (without words). I think he could easily be that person, but that side of myself is something that embarrasses me and I don't think I'd ever ask for his help the same way I don't think he'd ask to help me in fear of making me feel uncomfortable. San 9/10

I think about this man daily. Like I said in Yeosang's think where I was like "I like to chase just as much as I like being chased", well in this case, in a relationship with San, I think he'd be the one chasing, and it would just be so good for my ego. I would BASK in his affection, though, even if I pretend to be a little cold (similarly to how I'd be with Seonghwa). I think he's goofy enough to make me join his goofiness at home. I made a post before about him belting in the shower, and I really would join him. I think him singing in the house would inspire me to also want to sing in the house, since I usually don't in fear of bothering other people. I think San would make me feel comfortable at home just by BEING comfortable, and that's something I'd die for.

I think I'd tease him by pretending to be cold much more than I would do with Seonghwa, because it would be so fun to see him beg for my affection and I would ultimately give in every time, of course. I'm so touch-starved, he would literally cure my starvation and make me fat, in that sense.

I also think he would be so patient with me, because it really takes a bit to get to know me, and I think he would give me that time.

The only ONLY thing, that took the 1 off the 10 was a comment that Hongjoong made in a live once where he was like "the one who is most different on camera in Ateez is San, and he's not bad but I just think that how can someone actually be like that" or something and that scares the hell out of me. I don't know if he was just trying to tease San, who was watching, and I'm not scared in the sense that I think San might be a bad person, but I do fear the things I do not know. Mingi 8/10 We are the same person. I will always stand by that, I genuinely think we are the same person, and because of that, I think I'd be able to know what makes him happy by just treating him the way I would want him to treat me. I think I would make him so happy. I'd give him so many words of affirmation, I'd always make him feel special, I'd always give him space but I'd make sure he's always comfortable enough to come to me when he wants affection or comfort in any capacity. These are all things that I want, that I genuinely think he would also crave.

Gosh, I can just imagine him getting in my car (when I eventually learn how to drive) and the first thing I say to him is "Oh my fucking God, you're so handsome, what the fuck" and it's just so aggressive and he'd get so happy and smiley. His awkward cuteness would turn me feral I swear. Everytime he does something awkward I would without fail hype him up as if it was the funniest thing he has ever said (because I know what it's like to see your joke fall flat and it genuinely takes so much courage to recover from that so I want to support him). I think I honest to God would be the best girlfriend for Mingi (save for the fact that I'm waiting until marriage).

With that, I get to my next point, though. I'm not saying Mingi is selfish, but I do think he is a little self-absorbed, and I don't think he'd realize how similar we are and therefore wouldn't be able to tell what my needs are or fill them the same way I would be able to do for him. I think he could learn after a very long time, but I think he'd definitely hurt my feelings a few times before getting the hang of being my boyfriend. I think he'd unknowingly not prioritize me thinking that he was doing enough without having done much at all. Wooyoung 8/10

I think we're so different. He is much more social than I am, even if he's not necessarily an extrovert anymore. He makes friends SO easily and he likes getting out of the house, and I can only hope that he has enough patience to push me to do those things with him and be outgoing. I think he'd want to introduce me to his friends, but wouldn't know how to in a way that would make me comfortable enough the same way Yunho might (or maybe I'd just be too intimidated to meet Yeonjun or Changbin specifically).

I think the core of our relationship would be at home. I'd be happy for him to drag me out, but our most tender moments would be at home when we cook together or when I make him something to eat or drink and he tells me specifically how I could make it better so that every time I make it for him it gets better.

I'm also someone who really likes my space, and if Wooyoung is my boyfriend, he will also really like my space. And this is not generally something that's healthy, but I like it when people that I like force themselves into my space to be close to me (obviously when I say no, it's no, but if I don't say yes, it still means yes, but that's just me). I imagine that one time Wooyoung and Seonghwa were on the couch during Ateez Fever Road and Wooyoung is just shoving him with his body "because I like you!" he says. Yeah, I imagine that happening very very often. I think the way Wooyoung shows affection, by being "mean" and also pushing boundaries of affection, is my ideal type. Jongho 10/10

I think Jongho would take care of me really well. I think we're similar in the sense that we have similar singing talent. Jongho often talks about how his singing talent isn't something he was born with but rather something he worked so hard to perfect and continues to do so. I don't have the same confidence, even though I have been able to sing since I was a child, I get insecure when I hear people who are ten times better than me and think that no matter what I do I will never sound better than them. I think Jongho, through his experience, would be able to encourage me to do better, even help me. I think that would be the case for this and for a lot of things in my life. I think I would me motivated to be better just by having him around, and it would be a constant thing for us to sing together.

I think Jongho is another one those types that I'd be chasing, and I'd love every moment of it. I think, even if we're in a relationship, he'd pretend to be very cool casual during really romantic dates as if it's no big deal in the sense that he wants some normalcy and he just wants to look like a cool guy, but I would break that down every time. I think I'd fluster him and make him laugh a lot, just to see the tough guy exterior go down. I'd see more gums than teeth on a regular basis. I think I would love Jongho just because I'd feel good by making him laugh, because I think something I regularly get insecure about is having nothing to offer, and if Jongho really is as encouraging as I'd like to think, I think being able to make him laugh would make me feel as of some use to him.

Also I see SMAUs always make him super mean to his girlfriend, and like I totally see that because honestly that's my ideal type. (People I really like are people who bully me, I'm sorry I'm toxic). But I also do think that he would say things like "I miss you" "Let's go to dinner after I'm done" "Can you come over" pretty regularly, like he wouldn't be afraid to tell me when he misses me. I think he'd also use me as an outlet, but very very casually like saying things like "I'm so tired" because he's so busy and he can't say it out loud because it's useless to do so when he has to do it all, anyway, but he sends it to me because I will listen.

Okay, now this is kind of turning more into Headcanons than it is about my genuine analysis, but I could honestly talk about what it would be like (for me) to be in a relationship with literally any of them for hours. I rated them, but I could still see myself with them equally if they ever gave me the time of day.