#I added six instead of four because I’m biased

[danidoesathing]

I'll never bleed and I won't ever age

I'll never feel the embrace of the grave

The fair and the brave and the good must die

I've seen the other side of living, I know heaven's a lie

The World Ender - Lord Huron

[cooloddball]

This is going to be a super long analysis of jib3 starting with the opening ceremony to the closing ceremony so brace yourselves. 

Please note I believe in the breakup theory so maybe my opinion in this one might be biased so please don’t come for me, lol.

I will put it under the cut to avoid overcrowding your dashes with cockles shenanigans. 

Also, watch out for profanities and mature language.

And so it begins...

Opening ceremony

The camera used to record the opening ceremony is shaky. 

Misha, Jason Manns, and Jarpad seem to be having a lot of fun together and Jensen is just looking at his besties talking to the man he loves and he knows he can’t have that so he just stands there looking at them. Poor guy.

Jarpad asks who took Misha’s riffle? Things are awkward, I honestly don’t know what’s going on.

Misha kisses a plushie while making eye contact with Jensen and Jensen is like “oh, oh, wow” while making eye contact with Misha. LOL. Jack help me. This is a lot!!!

Jensen takes a plushie from Sebastian and Jared takes the one Misha had.

Are you guys flirting about trying to see whether you can keep plushies alive?

Misha throws something at the fans, I think he was throwing treats from earlier or whatever it was and Jensen says “Misha is still throwing” I mean why?

Cockles Panel

Jensen is so extra in this panel.

First of all, when he and Misha come out (no pun intended) a song starts playing and he starts dancing. Jensen is usually so poised while dancing but he is over the top throwing his back and shaking his tush for the mish.  I think he was trying a little too hard. Misha spares his ex-boyfriend’s tush a glance smiles and looks away. LOL. The whole thing was cringey, tbh. It was so unlike Jensen.

When Sebastian touches Jensen’s shoulder and says something to Jensen, he [Jensen]  laughs way too hard. I would say he laughs abnormally-it’s loud and he throws his whole body into it like he’s trying to prove what Sebastian was funny and it probably wasn’t. He laughs so hard he ends up right on Misha’s side. and Misha laughs at that though.

Rich says something about something in the sac that hurts(It’s incoherent) and Jensen says it hurts right here pointing at his heart (I can’t hear what they are saying exactly so if anyone knows please let me know)

I don’t know if Mark P. was going to hug Jensen or not or he was pointing at something behind Jensen, but at that moment, Jensen sees Sebastian going to hug Misha and whips his head away from Mark P’s direction so fast he almost broke his neck.

Sebastian humps Misha (these two are so playful I love them) and Jensen is just there acting awkward 

There’s a comment by Rich about “It’s over, the convention’s over I’m no longer your bitch” I don’t know who this is about.

Now, now, now. This whole time Rich is doing a kissy mouth with his fingers on the monitor behind Jensen and Misha. His hand is right where Misha is standing (you’ll understand once you watch it) so Jensen makes a kissy face back and Misha is blushing? Ummm wtf is going on here?

Jensen also does something strange that he never does during cockles panels he pulls his seat away from Misha.

Misha makes a very weird comment about Sebastian’s libido drying up and they have a weird conversation about libido and Viagra ads. It’s weird.

It gets even more awkward Jensen talks about bringing a total stranger, and a blind date. And it goes downhill from there with them. The it wasn’t you it was me speech. It was special. So heartbreaking. It was clearly not about the show but about their relationship. I always have a difficult time getting through that part. It’s so awkward that the fans are just there wondering what the hell is going on.

They decide to take questions and the fan is all over the place so Misha interjects but Jensen won’t let Misha say what he wants to say so he says, “This is why you make it awkward. You never let people finish what they are saying.” Ouch. Domestic dispute vibes anyone?

The way Jensen is looking up at Misha when he’s answering that question. It’s like he wants to sear his face into his memory before they leave Rome.

Jensen is explaining to a fan how one of the four sound stages they had on set was full of furniture and Misha adds “and soiled mattresses”  I mean what was the reason? Did they soil the mattresses with their [redacted]

A fan mentions something about Dean and Cas so these two adorable dorks smile and share a look. Things are starting to look up. Thank Jack.

The fan says something again (I can’t make out what he’s saying) but it must be something nice because they look at each other with smiles on their faces again.

Jensen playing with the head of his microphone. Is it just me or did the temperature rise a notch higher?

The way they look at each other when the fan says to help him choose the hottest female cast member on the show 

Then something freaky happens they say the exact same thing as twins or bffs do sometimes. LOL.

When they start talking about the hot women with the fans Misha moves his entire body and now instead of looking at the fans, he is seated facing Jensen.  The tension is simmering down.

A point to note is that in all their panels they always sit angled facing each other as opposed to facing the crowd save for this panel and DCCON 2019. But for DCCON I can understand that they weren’t comfortable being meant to be a J/2 panel and a creation event. So you know some people in that crowd are super mean to Mish and others to Jensen, so they had to tread carefully. But I digress back to the chaos.

They ask who wants to have a cockles panel the next year and they both raise their hands. I thought that was sweet

 It’s adorable how Jensen keeps repeating everything Misha is saying.

Misha forgets himself and moves too close to Jensen to listen to the song on the phone. Jensen turns to look at Misha, I don’t know what that look is but Misha backs away laughing.

Jensen’s face journey while listening to that song is gold.

Misha moves closer to listen to the song.  I have to say the way they are standing is not usually how two bros listening to music usually stand. If you know what I mean

 Misha agrees that’s definitely Jensen singing. Of course, he knows because Mr. “Jensen sings to me all the time”

He looks so proud of him.  I’d venture to say he’s happy to hear Jensen sing because he has always been so shy about that fact about himself. He even gives him a standing ovation. That’s so adorable. He loves him. My heart.

Jensen is so cute trying to deny it’s not him singing that song.  Yeah, it’s you, Jensen. Even your ex agrees it’s you and we bet he knows how your voice sounds in all kinds of situations ;)

we get a tingly feeling so we know it’s you. Jensen’s adorable smile when Misha says that. Aww.

The way they are not even looking at each other but they are seated the exact same way.

Allow me to explain to my friend here. Explains how his parents didn’t know whether he was a boy or a girl. Misha with the steel chair, “when did they figure out that you were a boy?”

How many years did they call you holly?

For six to seven years

Is it just me or is this conversation a flashback of teenage twink-lesbian Jensen years?

Fan asks whether Dean will ever forgive Cas. Watch Misha’s body language, he is trying to pacify himself by rubbing the back of his neck and fumbling with his shirt.

When Jensen says “ No!” without a moment’s hesitation, Misha looks distraught? I don’t know maybe I’m reading too much into this but I feel like this hit too close to home being that they were most likely broken up.

Misha however has a different opinion, “I think he has” 

Jensen says, “Wishful thinking” and that elicits a smile from Misha.

A fan asks about Dean giving Cas the trenchcoat back and things get interesting.  Weirdly, that Jensen can’t say the word gay out loud. He literally uses the word “unmanly” in its stead in the guise of censorship? It’s not a bad word Jensen you can say it. However, Misha and the fans say the word so I’m wondering who is censoring Jensen’s use of that word. He eventually says it but super fast.

Jensen says that saying “I always knew you would come back” is not something he would say to another human being, especially a man. Jesus, there’s nothing wrong with saying that to another human being you care about. He’s the one making it gay. He was extra when answering that one.

They spent one and half hours making that scene just to end up not saying anything and it ended up looking gay anyway. Anyway, that’s interesting.

 Jensen angles his body towards Mish and says in a very low soft and sexy voice “I guess I really hoped that you would come back some day” I would venture to say that Jensen at the moment in the panel was actually saying them to Misha. Who knows though?

They talk about it a whole lot for something that bothered him that much. 

Misha being so excited about recreating a scene when a fan told Jarpad he’s amazing and Jarpad said "you are welcome. 

 “I think I understand what she wants. I’m not sure what she’s gonna get.” This is a very good line Misha. I will be using it often.

The way they awkwardly stand too close and whisper to each other. Umm…what is going on here?

Jensen folds over laughing because of something Misha says. They are back. The tension is almost 90% gone now and they are in their element.

The chaos of recording the alarm ringtone for the fan was just great to watch. They kept getting closer and closer and I think they might have shared spit at that point. Gross….LOL

The way Misha is sitting is he you know.

Jensen asking Misha whether he was saying anything or just screaming while they were recording. I think he just wanted to see Misha smile.

Jensen’s joy when a fan mentions that they have Misha’s résumé.

Jensen saying the word shit made my day. I curse a  lot and it made me feel validated somehow.

Misha calls him dickhead in return and Jensen stops functioning and laughs instead . He also gets all hot and bothered trying to fumble with the lapel of his shirt.  He does this a lot when he is turned on. He has a humiliation kink I think.

They start talking over each other about Misha’s special skills. Looks like Jensen might have known beforehand because he went straight for that. Or maybe he didn’t know but he knew since Misha is a mad genius there must be some amazing things in there. Either way, it was a good moment.

OMG Jensen is so excited and the way he motions to Misha to bring that résumé to him, LOL. This man was thirsty AF.

He even goes down from the stage to meet Misha and invades his personal space trying to reach the résumé. I think this is the moment the tension between them dissipated completely and they were back to some form of normalcy.

Misha holding Jensen’s shoulder trying to get his résumé back. Unsucessfully, I should add.

They read something funny and they fold over laughing and spin around like overjoyed seals. It is far removed from the mollusk family but at least it’s still a sea creature (I don’t know what I’m saying please don’t mind me)

Jensen is still on his knees laughing and can’t get up. As I said, he is being too extra in this panel.

 Misha is trying to talk but they both can’t stop laughing. I think Jensen laughed so hard he got an extra set of abs that day.

Jensen is still laughing and you know what he is laughing at? Misha’s special skills being acting on camera. I mean it’s funny but man, prayforjensen.

 They are still laughing. Jack, help them.

The way Jensen looks at Misha with pure adoration here makes me so happy and reminds me of the fictional characters they played being all heart eyes for each other.

 Misha laughed so hard he cried.

Jensen trying to read the next ‘special skill’ Misha has but he can’t even talk because of how funny he thinks it is. He’s trying so hard not to laugh but he can’t help himself.

Jensen agreeing and also asking the audience to agree that Misha has a knack for certain accents. Accent kink anyone?

 Jensen is so excited when Misha starts Tibetan throating singing and does the unicorn laugh facing away from the crowd. Bet he has experienced Misha’s Tibetan throat singing skills on a personal when they are (loud overhead helicopter noises followed by thunder rumbling)

Jensen falling to the ground after feigning a heart attack once he saw that Misha is a certified EMT. I mentioned before that I honestly, 100% think he wanted mouth to mouth. There’s no other explanation. He could’ve feigned a nose bleed or just about any other illness but he chose to fall on a dirty floor and lay down so Misha could either give him the breath of life or straddle him. Luckily for him his dream came true 7 years later at Jib9 when straddle gate happened. But I digress

Too bad Misha was still mad at him and heartbroken so he kicked him instead.

Jensen knowing that Misha kayaks seems to be part of his personal knowledge. Maybe they did it together sometimes.

Horseback riding. Hmm is it just me or do they seem awkward here?

 Misha is so close to Jensen’s armpits. Must be missing his man’s musk and being held in those muscular arms again. Poor baby.

Misha can’t talk because of how funny he finds bicycle touring. I mean…I don’t see what’s funny but I guess he knows why it’s funny.

Misha laughing and raises his legs because Jensen is elaborating on the bicycle touring. Maybe it’s an inside joke or maybe it’s no longer funny to me because I’ve watched this panel like 5 times.

 I think Jensen’s goal was to see Misha laugh and be happy because he turned to look at Misha who was still laughing hard and the joy on Jensen’s face. Aww.

Misha gravitating towards his man again. He must smell really nice Misha. And those arms. Bet he used to lift you against the wall and (this fucking thunder won’t stop rambling. Are chuck and Amara fighting again?)

Jensen marketing his man’s carpentry skills but then makes sure to make it ‘no homo’ by saying he would never sit on anything Misha has built. Sure Jan. Then he circles back and says that he knows that he can build things.

Misha walks away from him and he looks up to make sure where he is going. Maybe he was afraid Misha was walking out on him. (PTSD from their breakup?)

They mention acting on camera again.

And laugh 

Jensen keeps talking about the acting on camera and watches to see if Misha is still laughing  He still is and Jensen is happy that his baby is happy. He looks at him again and he is still happy that Misha is still happy. Then once the laughter dies down he starts talking about bicycle touring  and checks again to see if Misha is laughing which he is so Jensen throws his head back  unicorn laughing and then looks at Misha again to see that he’s still laughing. Then they look at each other and say something maybe it’s about that was a good laugh. Jensen is wiping tears from his eyes because of how hard he laughed  Misha does the same. That entire thing was insane and they seemed to love it.

 Jensen starts saying that being this happy or goofing around is how they are on set sometimes and have to take a 5-10 minute break and Misha doesn’t seem too happy at the mention of the set. 

Jensen knowing that you can buy résumés on eBay. Did he buy Misha’s and then plant someone in the audience to bring it up or? Okay, yeah I know I’m reaching here but it’s probable.

 I guess my theory wasn’t farfetched because Jensen says that he’s pretty sure that Jarpad put it on eBay the previous night so maybe he is the one who did all that to win Misha back?

Jensen knows the appellation clogging is a stretch. Seems like Misha has told him about it before.

Jensen looking at his watch to see if they have time for  Misha to be telling a story about his high school sweetheart and now wife. I bet he wishes Misha could tell their love story so openly. He can’t stop looking at Misha.

The way Jensen is looking at Misha here. WTF man? He’s literally confused about what the question is.

The personal space question. This whole thing was just so many things. It was awkward, cringey, thirsty, funny.

when the fan asks whether there’s a funny fact between Jensen and Misha. I almost fainted. What? And Jensen repeats it. The two men are so stoic. They are not even looking at each other. They are looking at the fan like the way a statue stares at you, unmoving. Cringe.

The room is so quiet. Poor girl, I hope she didn’t feel awkward afterwards because if it were me, I would’ve cried from how stoic they looked and how quiet everyone was.

How they both scratch themselves, Misha on the head and Jensen on the nose. Maybe the question hit too close to home

Jensen turns to look at Misha as if to say ’help me out here man. We don’t wanna disappoint our fans.”

Misha gets it because he gets up. This whole thing is gold.

The way Jensen breathes out in anticipation. I know it was like they were playing a skit about personal space but why was he breathing like that? Shouldn’t he have been playing it as ‘uncomfortable’ not ‘turned on.’ Boudoir mannerisms.

Moving on Misha is unsure on where to touch Jensen 40.31. This is weird in and of itself because usually, they don’t have a problem touching each other’s faces, tush, eggplants, (jib4 anyone), backs et cetera. But now it’s weird? *cough* breakup *cough*

Misha touches Jensen’s ear and Jensen literally moans. He frigging moans people. In case it is not clear in the video, here is an isolated audio version of it. Jensen is also fumbling with his shirt like he’s all hot and bothered. Just like Misha did earlier. Was Jib3 their couple’s therapy that reminded them how happy and horny they made each other?

Jensen is really not answering the question, to be honest. He’s fumbling for words and trying so very hard to make sense but his word are  incoherent.

Misha going in for the nose dip. I know friends do this all the time but you have to be very close and familiar with someone such as a friend friend or a sibling for you to poke a finger in their nose. I mean noses are slimy and eww…anyway. That happened. They seem so comfortable with it. Jensen I love you but please stop talking.

The way Jensen looks at Misha. He has the cutest smile on his face as if saying thank you for making that fun and making me horny, I still want you.

Misha wiping his pinky that touched Jensen’s nose on his pants. (I wanted to add something disgusting about what heshould’ve done with that pinky but I won’t so let’s move on)

Jensen wiggling his nose.

When Misha suggests that Spn moves to Nickolodeon. Jensen laughs a bit too hard.

Misha talking about spn being a puppet show reminds me of how he mentioned them having a puppet show in Jensen’s backyard after the show is over.

Jensen also saying that in a way spn is a puppet show. I mean is someone making snide comments about how their strings get pulled and sometimes they are not happy about it. Like how they fired his boyfriend. It seems like it’s an inside joke.

They named the plushie Zippy aww :))

For jack’s sake guys, the way they look at each other when they mention that the  résumé was the highlight of the panel.

Jensen saying the more dirt you dig up on Misha, the more rewarded you are. Aww, someone’s trying to win his man back by any means necessary. You go girl…I mean Jensen.

He talks more about how he’s looking forward to next year when fans have more dirt on his friend Misha. Jensen didn’t want to leave the stage, he was lingering so he could spend more time with Misha.

It’s over guys.

Closing Ceremony

I know you didn’t ask for the closing ceremony but here you go. It’s a free gift.

Can I just mention how Jarpad is an overactive puppy? He has to play with anything and everything he finds.

The mc announces Misha twice for some reason. The second time Jensen looks in Misha’s direction with a small smile on his face. He [Jensen] is also chewing vigorously.

Jensen and Jarpad being typical dude bros and karate chop Rich. This is why the difference between his relationship with Jarpad and Misha stands out. He would be too busy making heart eyes to Misha to kick another guy. LoL.

Jensen hulking out when Jarpad is taking a video of everyone. Lol. This video keeps reiterating my point that his relationship with the two men is just different.

Jensen keeps looking in Misha’s direction, Misha who is busy talking to Steve and having fun. Let me also mention Steve is Jensen’s bestie and so are Jarpad and Misha, but I’m sure that Jensen felt some type of way, jealous when they were having so much fun with his man and he couldn’t. Jarpad also takes a while filming Misha for Jensen of course. They remind me of me having a crush back when I was in school. Wait, did Misha look at Jensen? It’s hard to see because the angle of the video is not expansive but I guess he was.

As soon as Jarpad gets back, Jensen takes the camera from him and starts filming fans. I’m sure he just wanted Misha to look at him

Rich mention’s Misha and something about acting on camera and Jensen licks his lips looking at Misha (I think).

Jensen then vigorously grabs the microphone from someone immediately and mention’s Misha. Jarpad’s reaction at that moment tells you everything you need to know about what’s going on between Jensen and Misha. It looks like he is pleading with Jensen in his head saying, “Don’t embarrass yourself bro. Please don’t” but it’s too late.

Jensen again talks about Misha’s résumé and specifically about acting on camera, the thing that made Misha laugh out loud during their panel. Someone’s smitten. Defending his ex-man.

Jarpad goes to whisper something to Misha. And they laugh while Jensen is thanking the jib staff for doing an amazing job. But when he sees the duo laughing, he loses track of thought and says “and they are all getting married”  dude what ??? How do you go from thanking people who worked on the convention and in .1 seconds you are talking about they are all getting married? Who is? Are you okay? Do you need to sit down? No one gets it, he says he’s kidding and gives Jarpad the microphone, spares a glance at Misha and he seems distraught from that moment on. I wish I could see Misha’s face through all this.

He’s glancing in Misha’s direction again. Man’s got it bad. What?! Oh to be loved by Jensen Ackles. Misha must be a prize, I know he is a mad genius and gorgeous and sexy as hell with that golden skin that looks like it was dipped in gold and honey, big blue eyes that are bluer than the bluest blue, but Jensen wtf man? You are in public.

 I think Jarpad is telling Jensen something maybe it has to do with what he and Misha were talking about earlier?

And it’s over people.

Overall, I agree with the breakup theory. I mean the way these two were acting around each other was very strange. If you watch Misha and Jarpad, they seem okay from the opening ceremony up till the end but Jensen and Misha are just being weird.

The panel was mostly fun but their body language told a story that something was definitely going on between them. 

@littlewolf2703

[ghostlywritten]

If Only I Had Stayed In The Shadows - Chapter Ten

James Potter x OC

Words: 4,8k

Prologue  Chapter One   Chapter Two  Chapter Three  Chapter Four  Chapter Five  Chapter Six  Chapter Seven  Chapter Eight  Chapter Nine

The break passed and life in Hogwarts continued in blissful peace for the next few months. At least for us students. Outside of the walls and grounds of Hogwarts, the situation was getting darker and darker each day. People went missing or were declared as dead, causing chills down our spines whenever the list grew longer with each newspaper.

I sighed, folding a piece of parchment that contained a letter from my parents about their well being. They were alright but had to take a lot of extra hours, giving how more and more muggleborn or halfblood wizards and witches were registered every day and night with the worst injuries at their hospital. Some - if not many - did not make it by the end of the next dawn. A hand snatched the letter from my hand and I glanced over at the messy-haired boy next to me as he unfolded it again. "Ever heard of privacy?" I asked and his eyes widenend in mock-astonishment, "No, what's that?"

His good mood evaporated slightly though after he skimmed the letter and an usually solemn expression graced his features instead. "Things are really getting worse everyday, aren't they?" he asked quietly, catching Sirius' attention from his other side.

"What's getting worse everyday?" he questioned, joining our conversation. Remus, Peter, Lily and Marlene looked up from their sheets as well. We were gathered together in the Common Room, sitting at one table to 'study'. Some would think it odd since we never usually mingled together, especially with Lily's open hatred towards James and everything the Marauders stood for. But ever since he and I got together, everyone consequently spent more time together as a group, surprisingly getting along...most of the time.

"A lot of people are dying or getting injured," James replied, handing me back my letter.

"Mom says, the hospital is being run down. They won't be able to carry so many patients for long," I added, feeling uneasy, "Apparently the healthcare system is close to collapsing."

"That's bad," Marlene commented, worry creasing her forehead, "What's going to happen if this goes on?" Everyone shrugged, glancing at each other helplessly as no one had an answer.

"The Ministry will figure it out eventually," Remus tried to reassure us all, straightening up in optimism.

"Right, they always do," Lily agreed, causing Sirius to scoff quietly. She gave him a challenging look, raising her eyebrow. "You've got anything to say, Black?"

"There is a lot I could say that would certainly not please you, Evans," Sirius quipped.

"Anyways," James cut in before a bicker session could begin between them, "We shouldn't turn our hair grey because of this. We are young! And still have more than a year left in the safest place in the country."

I nodded in agreement, leaning into him as he threw his arm around me. Lily silently flickered her deep green eyes between us.

"But what happens after we graduate?" Peter spoke up with an almost quivering voice as he still looked worried.

"Let our future selfs worry about that," Sirius dismissed.

"We should still have a plan though," Lily pointed out and I allowed a frown on my face after she finally ripped her intense gaze off. She had been doing that a lot lately, staring at our interactions longer than deemed normal. What was her issue? "You know, the teachers are planning to start sessions for career advice with each of us. Having no plan probably won't look good."

"Oh, I already know what I'm going to do," Sirius shot back immediately, smirking confidently, "Auror sounds pretty enticing, especially during this time, doesn't it?"

"Same," James said and I resisted the urge to raise my eyebrows at his confidence, "That or Quidditch," he added as an afterthought.

"I don't know," Marlene mused, "Auror does have a nice ring to it but I always thought I would do something with Potions...," Stunned silence and a collective jaw drop followed. The brown-haired beauty burst out in laughter at our disbelieved looks, shaking her head, "Just joking. You should see your faces."

I rolled my eyes at her. "You really got us there for a second, Marls," Remus chuckled.

The evening passed and even though I would have liked to say we did a lot of studying...we didn't. "Well, Remus and I gotta go," Lily sighed, getting up, "We're patrolling tonight."

"Uh, sounds fun," Marlene commented sarcastically and the red head shot her a look.

"Right, on it!" Remus got up as well, readying himself, "Boys, don't pull any pranks tonight. It will make me look bad."

"But Moony, now is the best time! With you on patrol, we won't get any punishment!" Sirius stated indignantly.

"That's exactly what I mean with making me look bad," Remus remarked with a sigh, "I'm a prefect, mate. Help me out by not doing anything."

The black-haired boy seemed to contemplate his options before giving in with a pout, "Fine, but you owe me."

"Good boy," Remus said, patting his head like a dog, "I'll see you guys later...ladies, have a good night."

"Night, Remus!"

"So, if no pranks are allowed...how about we get a midnight snack from the kitchen and head to the Astronomy Tower?" James suggested and I gave him an offended look even though my heart fluttered at his romantic suggestion. "I am second to your pranks? Really?"

"Of course you are!" Sirius snickered.

"Of course you are not!" James contradicted and it was his best mate's turn to give him an affronted look. "Really, Prongs? You're giving me up for a lass so easily?"

"...Pretty much, yes," James shrugged, causing me to snort.

Sirius pouted. "Can I at least tag along?"

"Me too?" Peter added himself.

"Sorry mates, this time is only for me and my love," James declined, pulling me closer as we got up and kissing my temple. I blushed slightly at his open affection. Ever since New Year's Eve we had become closer and practically glued to each other. I couldn't believe my luck at this point, wondering how I had managed to capture the attention of this charismatic and sweet boy when I was a rather boring girl with a boring life. Yet, here we were, officially together for about four months in and going strong.

After grabbing a few snacks from the kitchen, we headed up to the highest tower in the school. I sat down at the ledge, leaning against the barrier with my arms and resting my chin on them as I breathed in the fresh night air. James settled down next to me, quietly handing me a sandwich I bit into immediately whilst we enjoyed the peaceful atmosphere and presence of the other. The view was magnificent, moonlight reflecting from the slight waves of the black sea and I imagined the Giant Squid breaking the surface with its tentacles from time to time.

"What are you thinking about?" James eventually asked softly and I glanced over. His cheek rested on his crossed arms, eyes locked on my face. I blushed slightly at his gaze, looking back out at the landscape. A tinge of happiness rose in me as I thought how life was for me at the moment. Despite my parents throwing fits because of my career choices, I had a great boyfriend, who supported me in everything. And as cliché as it sounded, he made me feel safe during the dangerous times of war raging just outside of the Hogwarts grounds. Is that what love makes you feel-? My thoughts came to a screeching halt at the l-word before it started racing uncontrollably fast. Love? Did I love him?

"Cec?" James poked my arm, breaking me out of my reverie and I twitched slightly in surprise, "Are you spacing out on me?"

"N-no, I was just...," my eyes flickered around for an escape, "..daydreaming," I ended lamely, pressing my mouth against my underarm.

"Okay?" James raised an eyebrow, clearly not believing me, "Are you cold? You are twitching like a weirdo."

"Jeez, thanks," I said sarcastically, though immediately blushed when he scooted closer, throwing an arm around me. "It's alright, weirdo," he said with a grin, "I'll be your knight in shining amor once again and keep you warm."

"And once again, I gotta remind you of a little magic trick called Heating Charm," I replied with the same grin, warmth spreading through me at his cute gesture. James was full of cute gestures, it was a miracle no one knew that. Maybe, because he had never been able to show this side of him before. I bit my lip, shyly acknowledging the increase of my heartbeat at his proximity, the realisation of my feelings suddenly becoming clear.

I had fallen for that idiot.

Days had passed and I was mulling over how to tell James about my feelings. Should I tell him at all? Should I wait for him to say it first? Did he feel the same anyway?

There was only one person to ask for love advice. Someone, who had helped me before.

"Marlene, should I tell him?" I asked.

"Absolutely not," the beautiful Gryffindor answered immediately with her eyes wide.

"Why not?"

"The boy has to say it first. That's the rule."

I made a face. "Is that really? Or are you just making it up?"

Marlene sighed, grabbing my shoulders. "Dearest Cec. We girls easily fall in love. And we figure it out quite easily, too. A boy usually needs a while longer and if the girl were to approach him with her feelings, he would immediately feel swamped and make a beeline for the next exit. Until he is not sure of his own feelings, I wouldn't tell him."

I frowned slightly, "That's a bit biased, don't you think? I'm sure not all boys would try to run away."

"Oh believe me, they will," Marlene stated almost darkly. Something told me, she was talking from experience but I was not enough of a Gryffindor to dig deeper. She noticed my gaze though and immediately let go of my shoulders, leaning back in nonchalance. "I mean, you can risk it and tell him or you can wait. Personally, I believe waiting is the best. It doesn't hurt now, does it?"

I pondered over her words whilst wandering the halls in search of the one boy, who kept running through my mind. Sure, it wouldn't hurt to wait for him to say it first, but the question was how long would he need to realise it? Could I perhaps quicken it up by just telling him first, making him notice his own feelings faster? Or would it just pressure him to say it, too even if he doesn't mean it? That thought filled me with horror and I swiftly decided to keep my mouth shut.

Though, when I rounded the corner to the courtyard and saw him standing in all his bespectacled, nut brown messy haired glory I couldn't help but suddenly hear my heartbeat loud and clearly, drumming in my ears in a pace it would usually go after a sprint or a run up of blasted staircases. I couldn't help but stop short in my movements to savour the sight of his smile for a second, the same smile he would direct at his mates and me, all the people he loved (perhaps he did actually love me, too), his teeth shining in the sunlight that would occasionally peak through between the many clouds and I decided to tell him my feelings then and there, head slightly dizzy from the once again quick change of mind. But before I took a step forward, my eyes flickered away from him at the reflection of the sun on shiny red hair, rippled in perfect waves and slightly blinding. And then they flickered towards a pair of glistening, emerald green eyes that were smiling at the exact same boy I wanted to talk and spill my feelings to.

I swiftly stepped back in the shadows, wincing at my own behaviour. Why was I spying on them? They were doing nothing but talking, laughing at each other...something I had never seen Lily do with James before. Ever. Wishing I could hear what they were saying I looked back at James, feeling my chest warm at the sight of his smile but almost burn at the realisation who it was directed to. All the people he loved...

'No,' I shook my head, 'We've talked about this before we got together. He made it clear that he lost interest in her...after pining after her for years.' She clearly never reciprocated his feelings, so their not-lovestory was over when he moved on. But what if she did reciprocate his feelings? I thought back on all the times I caught her staring at us. Could it be that she had been feeling something for him all along and was just hiding it? Or didn't realise it until now?

Marlene's lessons on keeping a boy interested crossed my mind. Would trying hard to get work on girls, too? After all, James had been chasing her for years and suddenly stopped paying attention to her. He was even in a relationship. But would that spark an interest in Lily? Certainly not. She wasn't the type to chase after someone, who was taken, not to mention one, who had been annoying her for years. No, she was just befriending him now that he wasn't pining after her, seeing as they were in the same friendship circles. We were all spending more time together, the girls and the Marauders. And as Marlene, Alice and I were starting to get along more with the boys, so was Lily. It was bound to happen that we all grew closer. If anything, it was a good thing.

I relaxed a bit at that conclusion, smiling slightly as they laughed quite loudly at something James said. Back then, when I was obsessing more over other people's relationships (since I had none of my own), I always thought they would get along really well if James hadn't been chasing her in his boisterous and overly-done way. Him, with his wild and goofy nature that would dare her to many adventures, and her, who would be able to tame him and not take it too far, keeping him on the ground. 

+A perfect friendship. 

A perfect relationship.

My smile faded and I turned around. Despite myself, I didn't dare to reveal my feelings to the boy on that day.

Neither did I on the following days that turned to weeks until we reached the end of the spring and the world slowly turned warmer in the first days of the summer with a turn from April to May. Everything was as normal as it could get when you were friends with the Marauders. Classes were the same, Quidditch practices were the same, we had won the last game against Ravenclaw and were now on first place to win the Cup as long as Slytherin lost against Hufflepuff (which was quite unlikely, but nobody tell James). The Marauders pulled their usual pranks, although they were more tamed than in their previous years and less directed at us girls. James and I were still going to strong...yet none of us had said the l-word even though we had been together for almost eight months by now. And although Marlene kept reassuring me that it was normal for boys to take longer in their admittance for love, all the romantic books that I'd read throughout my teenage years stated otherwise. We should have long since reached that stage to proclaim our love for each other, shouldn't we? Hell, James proclaimed his love for Lily everyday for years ever since he saw her and they weren't even together. It shouldn't be hard for him to realise whether he loved me or not.

This fueled my insecurities more each day that passed without a confession, which caused me to keep my mouth shut about my own feelings, too. Instead I found myself frequently catching James and Lily alone, deep in conversation, whenever I was looking for him after he went missing on all of us. Either at the library, where I had never seen him go as often as now and on his own will, too, or outside at the courtyard or on the Hogwarts grounds with her sitting in the shade of a tree and him dangling from a branch above her, grinning down at her as she laughed whenever his glasses slipped askew from his upside down position. It was practically a picture ripped from the pages of a romance novel. And the burning feeling in my chest would continue.

"Lily and James are getting along pretty well, aren't they?" I commented off-handedly one day. Marlene, Alice and I were sat in the library together, studying for the upcoming exams with Lily having gone to fetch more books. Alice tensed up slightly, her eyes flashing from me to her book whilst Marlene looked up, shrugging nonchalantly. "Guess so. Now that he is not annoying her anymore."

"Right. Good thing," I said, nodding along to her words. Needless to say it was relieving to see that she had the same thoughts as me about this. An expert like her would have caught on if there was something more to their sudden closeness, right? Nonetheless I looked over at Alice, who suddenly seemed very busy with scribbling something down on her parchment. Alice, who out of the three of us was the closest to Lily and who would likely know exactly what was going on. "What do you think, Alice?" I asked her bluntly as she didn't seem to want to join the conversation on her own.

Startled, she looked up and I gave her a tight-lipped smile as I awaited her answer. "Eh, yes. They seem to get along better than before. At least, Lily is not yelling her head off anymore every time she sees him," she replied, laughing albeit nervously. Just then, the aforementioned girl headed back towards our table with four books stacked in her arms. I gnawed on my lip, wondering how to ease the constriction in my chest that had been my constant companion for a while now with the ongoing uncertainty.

"Hey Lily, are you dating someone?" I asked her as she sat down. Her books promptly landed on the table with a bang as she had slackened her grip on them in surprise. I cringed slightly at the glare thrown at us from Madam Pince and Lily mouthed a silent 'sorry' at her.

"What? Why do you ask?" she coughed slightly, glancing at the other girls, who had looked up in interest now.

I shrugged. "Just wondering. You are pretty and someone ought to have to courage to ask you out, now that James is not holding anyone back from it," I laughed slightly at the end, hoping to dissolve the suddenly awkward atmosphere that appeared at my statement.

"She's right, Lils," Marlene thankfully butted in, blissfully unaware, "You are the only single among us and you've been for a while. It's time to get some!" Lily went beet red, reaching over to smack her on the arm as we all snickered slightly. "Jesus, Marlene. That's so inappropiate!"

"What? It's true! You are the only single among us. And someone is bound to have asked you out lately! Right?" the brown-haired beauty pressed on and I had never been more grateful for her noisiness than now.

Lily grumbled under her breath, hesitating slightly before she gave in, "Maybe. Some Ravenclaw perhaps." Our eyes widened and Marlene squealed as quietly as she could. "I'm not interested though!" she quickly added at our excited looks, deflating my relief, "Now drop it. We are here to study." And with that, she successfully ended the topic.

Later at night I met up with James at the Astronomy Tower, our usual spot when we wanted to hang out after curfew. "Hey, how was your day?" he greeted me warmly as I sat down next to him at the edge of the tower, resting my arms against the railing. A cool breezed rushed throughout the tower and James quickly scooted closer to wrap his arms around me before I even started to shiver and I smiled at his sweet gesture.

"Quite well. Studied a lot. And you?"

"Quite well. Pranked a lot," he mimicked, grinning when I laughed slightly. "Which poor soul did you harrass this time?" I asked, resting the side of my head against my arms as I listened attentively to him recounting each prank with great detail, his arm leaving me once in a while to emphasize something but never failing to come back around me. "Sounds like you had a lot of fun today...," I remarked when he ended and he nodded with a beaming grin, "...and when did you study?" His beam deflated into a pout, causing my shoulders to shake in silent laughter.

"I don't need to study," he grumbled nudging me. "Sure, you don't." I nudged him back, slipping to the side and almost under the railing when he nudged me slightly harder. He quickly grabbed me by the arm and pulled me back towards him. "Sorry about that," he apologised embarrassed and I giggled slightly, resting against him. "Don't worry, I don't mind this at all," I replied, snuggling my head against his chest. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me tightly towards him. "Mhmm, I'm sure you don't," he chuckled into my hair, his lips grazing slightly against my earlobe and causing me to shiver. I could feel his smile as he deliberatly brushed against my ear again and I squirmed slightly, burying my red face in his chest. "Why so shy all of a sudden?" he teased and I stifled a gasp as he playfully nibbed at my ear. "I'm not shy," I protested, voice muffled. "Is that so?" He tried to back away but I tightened my arms around his waist, firmly keeping my face planted against his chest. "Yes!"

He laughed lightly, promptly dropping on his back and pulling me on top of him. I adjusted my position, placing a leg on each side of his hips and resting my ear on his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. "I could stay like this for a long while," James commented with a blissful sigh as he wrapped his robes around me for warmth. I raised my head to shoot him a smile and he grinned back at me softly. Craning my neck I placed a kiss against his jaw, unable to resist the urge. He quickly pulled me further up, rising up slightly to capture my mouth with his and my eyes fluttered shut as he held the back of my head, his fingers grasping my hair. I fisted his shirt, a swarm of butterflies causing a wreckage in my stomach as he molded his lips against mine, his tongue peeking out to run across my lower lip when a sudden noise erupted somewhere close.

I pulled away quickly. "Did you hear that?" I asked breathlessly as I looked up.

"Hear you moan for me?" James tugged me back down by the neck. "Not yet," he whispered huskily against my mouth. My eyes widened in surprise, heart pounding against my ribcage at his words. He nipped at my lip with his teeth playfully before fully placing his lips against mine again until I almost forgot what had interrupted us in the first place. But the fear of getting caught outside of curfew broke me out of my daze once more. "Seriously, James," I whispered breathlessly, looking up to squint at the doorway, "I think someone's down there. They might come up." James groaned, tugging at my shirt. "No ones down there."

"And what was that noise? What if we get caught?" I asked, sitting up.

"Probably gonna get detenti- uff," he hissed and I glanced down at him to see him holding his breath. "What's wrong...?" I questioned when I realised I had sat up directly on his groin. 

Oh. 

"Oh, Cec," he breathed out as his eyes darkened, "You really shouldn't have done that." He shot up, crashing his lips against mine before I could get another word out, his hand coming up to entangle in my hair as his other arm wound tightly around my waist, pulling me flush against him. A small moan escaped me when his sudden movement caused his hips to grind against mine as I sat securely between his torso and his slightly raised knees. "There is my moan," he smirked against my lips and I could have sworn my heart stopped at this devilish sight. Breathing out shakily, I took his face between my hands, seeing his eyes soften slightly before I tilted my head to deepen the kiss, unable to restrain myself in any way. He reciprocated eagerly, his hand fisting in my hair as our tongues clashed together. I moved slightly against him, a flash of excitement coursing through me when I heard his breath hitch. "Fuck, Cec," he groaned in my mouth and my eyes almost rolled back in pleasure at the mere sound. He reached down to grasp my thigh tightly, pulling me closer and I gasped against his mouth. His thumb stroke softly over my skin, smiling at the goosebumps erupting everywhere. He let his hand travel up until he reached the end of my skirt. "Can I?" he asked without detaching his lips once and I nodded, resisting the urge to moan when he dug his fingers in the exposed flesh under my skirt. "James," I breathed out as I broke away for air, feeling him shiver. His mouth trailed down to my neck, nibbling on it as I tangled my hand in his hair, his own letting go of my waist and reaching up to undo the buttons of my shirt-

"James and Cec sitting in a tree," an all to familiar voice reached our ears and my eyes snapped open. "K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" James halted his movements, burying his face in my neck with a groan.

"First comes love!" Sirius sang joyfully as he appeared by the doorway, a piece of parchment in one hand and his wind lit up at the tip in the other. "Then comes marr-holy shit!" His eyes widened slightly at our disheveled figures but his smirk came back as soon as it had disappeared. "My my, first come the babies it seems with you two!"

"Fucking hell, Sirius!" James cursed, turning around to glare at his best mate.

"Hi Prongs!" Sirius greeted innocently, waving his parchment.

"Worst timing ever, mate!" I buried my face in my hand in embarrassment, wondering if our compromising position would go unnoticed if I pretended that it wasn't compromising.

"Sorry Prongsie, your babymaking has to wait. We've got a little something going on tonight," Sirius said, not sounding sorry at all as he nodded outside. I peeked a glance between my fingers to see James' eyes widen under his slightly askew glasses. Glancing over my shoulder I caught sight of the full moon, partially obscured by a few clouds.

"Right, give us a minute please," James requested and Sirius disappeared down the stairs again. His hazel eyes appeared startingly lighter under the shine of the full moon as he grasped my hips softly with both hands. "I've got to go," he said quietly and the atmosphere seemed suddenly serene in contrast to a minute ago.

"That's okay," I replied as quietly, adjusting his glasses once again and he smiled that sweet smile, that one damn sweet smile only reserved for his loved ones and my mouth opened before I could stop myself, "James, I l-"

"Prongs! Hurry up already!" Sirius cut me off from down the stairs. James huffed, rolling his eyes at his mate.

"I'm sorry. I really gotta go," he said and I nodded quickly, scrambling to get up and off him. He adjusted his clothes before stepping closer, giving me a sweet kiss. "Good night, love," he said softly as he fastened up the buttons he had undone on my shirt, "I will see you tomorrow?"

"Definitely. Good night."

Unbeknownst to him, to Sirius and to me, Sirius had just saved me from committing the biggest mistake tonight. Twice.

Chapter Eleven

[whenwordsmakesense]

Day 2: Gay

@pridewrite2021 

Here you can find all my work for this amazing event!

From The Mess Rises a Poetrywolf (On AO3!)

Fandom: Teen Wolf

Ship: Derek Hale × Stiles Stilinski

Words: 2.6k

Summary: Stiles smiled, and kissed Derek's cheek that was closest to him. “I will do anything and everything for those I love. I will.” His smiled widened at Derek's blush. “Well. You know how I felt after that. We didn't lose anyone close to us but we did lose people—I hated myself. But you didn't. Because you saw the person I was before, waiting to be brought back to the surface. And you were right. I am not the same as I was, but, I am better then that.” Derek's hand had found his, and their hands were interlaced, now. Even though he was reliving something he hated to, Stiles couldn't stop smiling.

Or you could read here: 

Warning: Swearing.

>> Starts from here onwards.

The place looked completely destroyed.

Derek looked worse.

“What the hell happened here? I leave for one weekend—please tell me no one died!” Stiles seriously hated his life, because that question actually made sense. A terrifying, literal kind of sense, and why was breathing so damn hard now?!

“Oh, shit! No, no, no, it's—everyone's fine. Breathe, Stiles. In and out, in and out...”

Derek's soft voice and his warm, heavy hands on his shoulders grounded him, his breathing resuming it's normal beat alongside his heartbeat. He spared a moment to think of the contrast between the Derek he'd first met six years ago and the one who was in front of him right now.

He kind of hated himself for ever believing that Derek—the biggest marshmallow ever—was a villain. A bad guy.

“The hell happened here?” He asked once he could. Derek signed through his mouth and his jaw tensed, eyebrows knitting together in expression number seven, which meant ‘It was a simple thing, really, but I, being a Sourwolf, didn't use my words and the situation went out of hand and it was really stupid and if I tell you you'll just call me an idiot.’ At least, that's what that look meant to Stiles.

“Well, Scott and Isaac thought—”

This time, Stiles was the one who sighed in resignation. “Derek. How many times have I told you: Scott. Isaac. Thinking Bad. Actually, anyone but me, Lydia, Boyd, Peter and Chris thinking is bad.” At Derek's look, he added, with a roll of his eyes, “Okay, and you too. But only sometimes.”

“Do you want to know or not.” Derek's lack of inflection suggested that he was going to withhold the information from Stiles, and that might actually kill Stiles. Figuratively. Ugh, fuck his life.

“Yes, yes. Do tell, oh wise one,”

Derek just rolled his eyes and tugged him to the middle of the living room, where a mostly okay mattress was the only place to sit. You know, in a once perfectly fine living room.

“It was Scott's idea, originally, or so Isaac says. He wanted to bring back a cat—”

Stiles squealed. “Midnight?!”

Derek glared at him. “You knew.” He accused.

Stiles didn't like that tone. It suggested Stiles was somehow to blame, and he'd been out of town, damnit. “You know, Scott is my friend. And normal people, unlike you, text each other with this device known as a phone. Of course I know! He sent me a picture of the cutesy cat!”

Derek ignored the jab at his hatred to phones. Seriously, Stiles wondered if even the Pack Messages were sent by Erica through his phone. If, you know, Derek didn't like, write in full sentences with whole words like an old man.

“The ‘cutesy cat’ decided that Lydia's hair was the best place to sit on. Then it decided to scratch at her hair. Malia didn't like her packmate in distress, and Scott and Isaac's guilt was suffocating enough without Lydia's death glare at them, and Erica decided filming her would be a good idea. I think you can connect the dots.” Derek told him all of it in a complete monotone, like having an angry Lydia chasing Erica and Malia losing her control didn't affect him at all. Except the evidence of that was all around them, and Stiles was glad that this weekend was his on-field duty.

“I... Don't know what to say. At least we made it four years before this happened. Again.”

The last time the three girls had lost all their control like this was long, long ago, labelled under a box in his brain called ‘Do Not Open. Please.’ He seriously wasn't keen on opening it. Ever.

He kind of felt bad for leaving his Alpha alone to deal with the pack. Sure, said pack were adults, now, most of them in their last year of college and Lydia, being Lydia, was on her path to get her second degree where most people got one but... They really weren't adults. None of them were. Age was just a number, and apparently him and Derek were the ‘Pack Parents’ and the idiots calling themselves Scott, Isaac, Lydia, Jackson, Allison, Boyd, Erica, Kira and Malia were their kids.

Kids who were about to get a whole lot of chores because damnit, Stiles was not going to clean up their mess, and neither was Derek.

Stiles listed all the things he'd made their kids do while Derek listened with his eyebrows knitted together in expression number two, which meant ‘I am listening. I don't want to, but I am, because you're very intense and generally know what you are doing.’

“—and he can clean up the poop!” He finished with a flourish, arms finally coming to rest on his thighs. Phew. That was a lot of flailing, even for him.

Derek gave him a look. “Poop?”

“Poop.” He agreed. When Derek just kept looking at him, he mumbled, “I mean, Scott brought him here. He should be the one to take care of Midnight's excreta and stuff. It's only fair.”

Derek gave him the patented ‘Stiles, I'm going to kill you.’ look. Stiles didn't have to guess. He'd had this look thrown his way everyday since that one fateful night out and about in the preserve that started the werewolfy chapter in his life.

“What?” He asked self-consciously.

Derek didn't use his words, but he made it pretty clear with his gesturing around the once pristine living room what he wanted to say.

“We will train him! Come on, Derek, have a little heart!” He paused. “I mean. Not a little heart. Just more... Feelings. Ugh, well you know what I mean. Please?”

Derek only glared harder, and then for some reason, looked totally nervous. If it were anyone other than Stiles here, they would have thought that Derek just notched up his ‘I'm going to kill you.’ face by, say, a thousand, but Stiles was here. This was totally Derek's nervous face.

Stiles flailed hard, and accidentally hit Derek on his face. “Derek! If I find out either you or your kids killed Midnight, I—I'll divorce the Pack!”

“Why are they my kids when they're potentially cat-killers and your kids when they get good grades? I'm pretty sure you can't divorce Scott and Isaac's puppy eyes.” Derek grumbled, but at least he looked not nervous now. Well, less nervous.

“True,” he agreed, because man, Scott and Isaac were unfair, and added, “I'm the proud parent, dude, and you're obviously the pushover parent. You let them get away with everything.”

“I do not. And don't call me dude.”

“Keep telling yourself that, dude.” He grinned cheekily at Derek's glaring face. Seriously, though, it was true. The massive movie-theater-esque TV in one of the basement rooms was one of the many, many proofs of that.

And Stiles hated himself because he didn't need to say that he thought of him and Derek as parents... where they were like a couple. Sure, there were jokes and all, and they did act like it but... It hurt. It hurt because it wasn't true.

And Stiles wanted it to be.

In a bid to reroute his thinking process, he asked again, “You didn't kill Midnight, did you?”

Derek just rolled his eyes and said “No.” And then suddenly, Derek hauled them both up, and started to pick up the mess that was the living room of the house. “Pick up the cushions,” he said, gruffly, again nervous. Kind of angry—didn't Stiles just spend half-an-hour telling Derek about the chore-table he'd made on the spot—and also kind of disoriented, because what, he did as was told.

And stopped as he picked up the second cushion on the floor. He blinked his eyes, counted his fingers—ten, there were exactly ten fingers on his hands, this was not a dream—because that...

... Couldn't be true. Could it? But he could see Derek giving him small glances as he righted the couch, with ease, the cheating werewolf, and what was Stiles to do but shake as he picked up the card.

The card which addressed Stiles, and asked him, “Will you be my mate?”

Werewolves didn't have a predestined mate. They fall in love like anyone else. But they are part wolves, and instead of calling their significant other boyfriend or girlfriend or partner or whatever, they call them mate.

And it's final. If a werewolf asks you to be their mate, that means they're commited. It's basically a marriage proposal.

The card was blue. Stiles' favourite color, and he should not have teared up at that little gesture. But he did. And he hadn't even opened the thing yet, which, why not?

Tears welled up in his eyes as he read what was written inside, in Derek's clean, neat, cursive handwriting. Stiles might tease the Alpha for not using his words, but when it came to writing down his words... Derek pretty much put the best writers to shame.

“The day I met you I was a mess

And you were full of sass

You annoyed me to death

Made me tempt your fate

I could have killed you

But I am glad I didn't, phew.”

Or maybe it was just his biased heart speaking.  

He started laughing, his arms hitting Derek's chest as he turned around, the Alpha giving him expression number one, which meant ‘I'm hurt but I don't want to show it so I'm going to glare... Harder.’

“Oh, no, no, no, Der, just—phew?” He laughed harder, imagining Derek making that noise, his tough, gruff voice mimicking such a kiddie noise. Huh. Pew pew... Now that made him laugh harder.

When he finally managed to regain his composure, Derek just looked simple ol' annoyed.

“I don't even want to know. Just.” Derek made a ‘go on’ gesture at the card that was still in Stiles' hand, like he wanted him to read it, but also not. Like Stiles was going to reject him. Well, tough luck. He'd been in love with this idiot since he was seventeen, of course he wasn't going to reject Derek. Except maybe he would, because why would someone thrash their own house for a goddamn card?

Or okay, Stiles had to believe that what Derek told him did happen, because he could see Lydia's gorgeous strawberry blonde hair on the floor, but man if Derek didn't use the situation well.

The card told him why. Derek did have a way with words, and with the strings attached to Stiles' heart. He pulled every one of those with his badly written poetry.

Stiles was crying when he was done.

He slowly put down the card on the righted coffee table—Derek had been hard at work, apparently, with his nervous energy and mostly the place looked okay now—and made his way to the other man, and latched onto him like a barnacle. Derek froze for a moment, but with each second that passed, he relaxed, and slowly brought his hands to Stiles' back and rubbed soothing circles, like the human liked.

“I'm sorry,” Derek mumbled after some time, Stiles didn't know how much, and started to pull away. Stiles tightened his hold on the werewolf instead.

“Why? You shouldn't be. You have nothing to be sorry for.” He pulled back just enough to look Derek in the eye. “You don't, Derek.”

Derek didn't look away. Stiles guessed he couldn't. He knew because he was in the same boat.

“I made you wait.”

Stiles chuckled. It was a little watery. “Aw, you aren't being sorry for dragging ‘my human ass in the supernatural mess,’ that's real progress, Alpha.”

“You would have done it anyway. You're too curious for your own good.” Derek replied fondly. But the light atmosphere quickly changed back to the tense one, Derek going back to apologising for making Stiles wait for years, apparently.

“It was Isaac who told me that you've been in love with me for years. I mean I knew you were in love with someone... I thought Lydia at first and then Malia, maybe...”

“So this was Isaac's idea,” Stiles mumbled to himself. But he and Derek were still so close, and Derek heard him.

“Technically.” Derek agreed.

“I am not, you know. Not with them,” Stiles assured. “And... I get it. I'm actually glad you waited. You're... Healed. You were never broken, Der,” he whispered the words. It felt like he should, like they would lose their meaning if he said them louder. And it fit them. With the level of comfort Derek and him shared with each other, Stiles never felt like filling the silences with his chatter. “You were not. You were just in a... Feelings-Coma. You could feel them, but not really feel them, you know? I think. The good ones especially. Not for yourself at least. I hated it but I also get it, you know. After the Nogitsune—”

“You don't have to—”

Stiles smiled, and kissed Derek's cheek that was closest to him. “I will do anything and everything for those I love. I will.” His smiled widened at Derek's blush. “Well. You know how I felt after that. We didn't lose anyone close to us but we did lose people—I hated myself. But you didn't. Because you saw the person I was before, waiting to be brought back to the surface. And you were right. I am not the same as I was, but, I am better then that.” Derek's hand had found his, and their hands were interlaced, now. Even though he was reliving something he hated to, Stiles couldn't stop smiling. “I saw the one you could be, you know. When I took the time to think about you... Voluntarily, that is.”

“I guess I am just that special, then,” Derek said with a small smile on his face.

Stiles rubbed their noses together, cataloguing the way Derek's eyelashes danced around his beautiful eyes. “Yes you are. And you prove it everyday. I still don't know how you could still stay standing after losing everything—everyone. And I respected you for that. I thought I never could have done what you did, and then I got to know you and I... Fell in love with you.”

They stayed like that, in the kind-of cleaned but mostly messy living room of the Hale House, because in Derek's words:

“In all this mess,

You were the unique case.

You made me feel less alone

Like I could walk away from my tomb

Like I was alive and breathing

And feeling like my soul was freeing

From the cage of my broken life

Just because you gave me strife.”

Stiles especially loved the last line. Derek didn't just love him, he loved him despite all the things he's done to make Derek angry—and he's done that a lot. Maybe he could frame that bit, and the next time when he would inevitably get hurt—either from the monster hunting, which was more likely, or his occasional on-field FBI job—he could just show that to his Alpha. Because obviously Derek could never hate him, despite him being a stubborn idiot.

He giggled at the thought, and Derek just sighed.

“No, you're not framing it.”

“Oh, you know me so well, poetrywolf.” Derek sighed again, and Stiles added, “I was thinking I'd kiss you if you'd let me—”

Turns out he'd just kiss Derek for no reason at all. And when did the Sourwolf become such a great kisser?

[omiscurls]

night sky - atsumu miya x reader

the volleyball player you're gonna be falling for today: miya atsumu

word count: 3900

summary quote: "See, Angel Eyes, there are some things that cannot be whispered, some feelings too strong to be degraded to the level of being silent."

and lets go!

***

"You were very endearing while you were half asleep, you know that?" he laughed, touching your nose with the tip of his cold finger. Your body shook, freezing a bit when the train door opened, and the icey night air flooded the inside. The girls' school uniform, mostly the skirt, surely wasn't designed for such weather conditions as the november nights provided.

"What time is it?" you just asked, still sleepy from the nap you took on his shoulder.  

"Six thirty" he laughed quietly, putting you head back where it was previously resting. You didn't mind at all, after all, he was comfortable. "We're getting off in eight minutes, so try not to sleep" You nodded slightly, watching the city landscape change in a matter of seconds just outside the dirty window in front of you. The raindrops were creating lively patterns on the glass, changing every now and then due to the blowing wind. Kobee's lights were already on, because, as it was november, six thirty was already a mid-night hour. You looked around the smelly train, noticing only few people left, as the route was already coming towards it's last stop. You noticed two people you knew from school, going home as well, altough it seemed they were not riding together, as they both listened to music with headphones in.  

You growled, pouting, when it was finally time to leave the warm train and walk four blocks home. At least you got your boyfriend with you, because walking alone in such darkness would definitely scare you, though you would never say that to his face, no, that would boost his ego too much. You smiled unconsciously as he took your hand into his, as if he was worried you'll get lost.

You followed him out of the train and into the station. You lowkey enjoyed the blue light of the the screens, showing which train will arrive next, the people rushing in every possible direction, as Kobee was a huge city, some of them waiting with their suitcases, coffee mugs in their hands, and some just going home with their backpacks, talking on the phone or listening to music. The shops on the main station were already closing down, but you two managed to get to McDonald's and order large fries, which Miya payed for, then insisting for you to eat them, because "he's suddenly not hungry anymore".

It stopped raining, when you finally got out of the train station, and walked into the cold night. He took your hand once more when you finished the fries.

"Ew, yer fingers are all greasy. Omi-kun would've freaked." he joked, glancing at you. You turned red, snapping away from his grip.

"Don't hold them, then, dumbass" you adjusted the scarf on your neck so it covered your cheeks. Like a stubborn kid, he got the hand out of your pocket and intertwined your fingers once more.

"Nah, you're gonna get cold if I don't, and we can't have that, can we, Angel Eyes?" you blushed once more at the nickname, facing away from him, so he doesn't get to satisfied with the impression he caused. All of the sudden he appeared in front of you, smiling widely.

"What's that, Angel Eyes, does the new nickname fluster ya in some kind of way?" You looked at him with pure irritation in your eyes, as he pulled you into a slight hug. "Hey, yer shoulders are shaking, are you cold?" suddenly he didn't sound like a douchebag, but concern took the place of confidence. You stayed silent, really hating to agree, but before you could disagree, he took of his jacket and put it on your shoulders. "Wait" he added, realizing one mistake, he made and took the jacket back for a second, grabbing your schoolbag and piled the strap on the one of his bag, resting it on his arm.

"That's heavy, give it back" you said, trying to reach for his shoulder, as he was way taller.

"Hell no, what sorta boyfriend would that make me?" he grinned, catching your wrist as you were halfway through to reaching your bag, already standing on your toes. "Aaand another point for Miya for blocking that!" he yelled, immitating the TV sport's commentator.

"You're not a blocker, though" you giggled, getting back to a comfortable, standing position.

"Aww, my Angel Eyes remembers what possition I play in? Well don't you deserve the best girlfriend award"

"Only because you never shut up about being the prettiest setter in Japan. And even that opinion is biased" he gasped dramatically, putting a hand over his forehead, as if he were about to faint.

"Well excuse me, I have to win a bet with an old friend of mine from a little village next to Tokyo. AND YOU COULD SUPPORT ME IN DOING SO, YOU KNOW" he pouted way too loud. You just rolled your eyes.

"And hey, I know you always watch me from the first row, I have eyes."

"I watch Osamu"

"Now THAT hurted" he looked at you with theatrical heartbreak in his sight. "You know what, you're walking alone for that" he added, leaving you there, next to the station, disappearing into the night. You laughed, at first, knowing that he still has your bag and has to come back, but then you shivered, feeling the cold wind against your bare skin, and remembered that he wanted to give you his jacket. You knew he was probably around the corner, waiting to scare you as you were walking around in search for him, so you decided to look.

But the longer you kept going back and forth around the fifteen metre distance he could possibly walk, there was no sight of him anywhere.

"Cool, Miya, now would you please get out? Or else I'm walking home!" you shouted, hoping that would get him to come out of his hiding spot, but you received no response. You held your arms against your chest to keep warm.

You heard footsteps behind you, and turned around, relieved, actually, that he'd came back.

"Finally, you dumba-" you didn't finish your sentence, noticing the person behind you wasn't Atsumu.

"What're you doing out here, freezing alone?" you heard the boy in front of you ask, but you were too distracted by his sudden appearance to respond.

You knew that boy, you knew him damn well, he was one of your closest friends, growing up, but then moved, because his father worked for the army and have to reposition every few years.

"Sato-kun? What're you doing here?" you asked in shock, looking at the boy you had seen for the last time around 4 years before, now standing in front of you, all grown up, so much, in fact, that you barely recognized him.

"Hello to you too, honey" he smiled, hugging you. You felt slightly uncomfortable, not liking to be touched by strangers, but then you remembered he wasn't a stranger. He was a guy that knew you to the bone since diapers.

But also the guy who then promised to keep in touch and disappeared from your life completely.

"Now would you mind explaining what're you doing here alone?"

"Oh, uhm, I am actually not-" you tried to explain, tilting your head around, searching for that idiot, Atsumu, but again, he was nowhere to be found.

"You do seem alone, though. Who would leave you here?" he said with a polite smile, but even so started to get on your nerves. You were not some pretty doll to be LEFT somewhere, what if you were just waiting for someone to show up?

"Well, it's a long story" you replied, but he insisted on keeping the conversation going.

"Mind telling me over a walk home? I do know where you live, obviously." You were still in too much shock to turn him down, mixed feelings flowing in and out of your head.

"Sato-kun, I am really interested in knowing your side of how the last 4 years have passed, but I am really with somebody right now" you answered, but noticed something else got his attention, like he was looking just above your shoulder.

You suddenly felt arms tie around your neck in an embrace, and felt someone bending over to match your level. The cologne you smelled was so iconic you'd recognize it from a mile away.

That idiot finally came back.

"Hi there, buddy!" he smiled politely, resting his chin on your shoulder. Considering the height difference, that must've been really uncomfortable, but what wouldn't Atsumu Miya do for a good first impression.

"Hi!" Sato responded, also smiling, but now less vividly than he did a while ago. "Who're you to lean over her like that?" he added, and the sound of possesiveness in his voice freaked you out. He wasn't in a position to say that, he left you here for four whole years.

"Oh I?" you boyfriend broke the embrace in order to straighten up and walk over to your childhood friend. It was safe to say he was at least fifteen centimetres taller. "Miya Atsumu" he said with such fake sweetness in his voice, that you couldn't help but smile a bit. "And do you mind explaining who you're to tell me I can't hug my girlfriend?" he scratched the back of his head, smiling from ear to ear, looking absolutely adorable, except from the fact that you and Sato were both scared to death. The taller boy reached out to Sato, wanting to shake his hand.

"Miya? Are you the spiker or the setter?" he asked, gripping Miya's hand. "See my brother plays volleyball and I think they've played against you on-"

Atsumu didn't let him finish. First he turned his head back to look at you with a pitiful expression in his eyes, then back to the boy.

"Did he now? I think I would've remembered seeing a face just as annoying as yours on the other side of the net" he laughed, patting his shoulder in a true "big brother" style. "I appreciate the recognition, I really do, but I have many people knowing my name on a daily basis, you know. Let's talk about you, instead!"

You were slightly freaked out by Atsumu's sudden sarcasm and bitterness, as you weren't used to seeing him... jelous? Is that how you'd describe it? He was a very confident person so he never got insecure about your relationship. He knew how crazy about him you really were, even if you tried to hide it as much as you could. You also knew about his affection to irritating people, but it was all jokes and nothing serious most of the time, and even if it was, he always managed to be lowkey and funny about it, but now it seemed as if he was dense and really pissed.

Did he have a bad day? Did you fail to ask him? Countless quesitons ran through your head, but you couldn't seem to recall anything like that. After all, what brought you two together was the fact that you always seemed to know what was happening in his head, even when he tried to hide it as much as possible.

"Sato Yakeru" he said, deadly glaring at Atsumu. "But why do you want to know, Miya-kun?" the boy put his hands on his hips, trying to gain back his confidence. "Are you really that insecure about the fact I took three minutes of you girl's precious time?"

This was not the Sato you remembered. That one was a sweet, sure, confident, but still sweet boy who always walked you to your house when you finished your classes, helped you with chemistry and played with your little sister when she interrupted your study dates. He always listened to all your problems, been there through all the ups and the downs and stood up for you whenever you needed that.

But now you've realized, he was always like that. He was always such a chauvinist, wanting to be the prince charming, wanting to rescue you out of any opression there was, but then you didn't mind, you didn't even notice, because you were percisely the little scared girl he wanted. And now that that's changed, he was suddenly irritating. Miya glanced back at you, concerned when he noticed you weariness. He looked Sato up and down with hatred in his eyes. Now, that's a look you hadn't seen in a very long time.

"Now, now" he laughed with pity. "Don't get too full of yourself there, little one" he said reffering to the fact that he was significantly taller than the boy "It takes a lot more than just a pipsqueak like you to make me loose my composure"

He came back to you taking both your cold hands into his.

"Was that boy bothering you, Angel Eyes? Do you know him?" you looked him deep in the eyes only to find him trying to mask his obvious irritation by acting calmly. You hesitated before answering, not wanting to deteriorate his mood even more.

"That's actually my childhood friend, 'Tsumu. I was just suprised to find out he was back in town"

He nodded, facing away from you, as if he was trying to calm down for real before letting you look into him again.

"What, didn't she tell you about me? Aw, that sucks, man" Sato laughed under his breath.

"What was that, munchkin? Couldn't hear ya." he smirked, proud of the childish insult. Once, you hear Osamu say that Atsumu's mental age decreases for about five years when he plays. Well, it decreases for seven when he gets angry. "Alright, honey, take the jacket now, you're trembling" Miya added much calmer, putting the fabric on your shoulders and adjusting it a bit so it covers the front of your body as well. You loved how big it was on you, you could literally fit your arm twice in those long sleeves of his. "Anything in particular ya want to do, or should we just head home?

You raised an eyebrow, not sure what he was getting at. You already agreed to go to your place and just chill, since it was friday, why was he asking now? And then, looking at the mixed expression painted across his face, you realized, he tried to show the other boy how different than him he truly is. You couldn't help but laugh.

How childish.

"Let's go, I'm getting tired" you responded, standing up on your toes, trying to match his eye level, knowing how much he adored that.

"Aight, we'll be going then. Pleased to meet ya, Sato-kun. Hope I'll never get the opportunity to speak to your annoying little face again." When you two walked passed the boy, he patted his shoulder. You heard giggling behind you.

"Fine then, short stuff,  if you want to go somewhere and catch up this weekend, call me!" Yakeru shouted, already going his own way.

You froze upon hearing the nickname you've been called by him so many times in the past, and suddenly tears formed in your eyes, coming along with the memories you forgot you had.

"She won't!" Miya yelled back, putting his arm around your shoulder. You instinctly rested your head against his body.

Silence fell upon you two, nobody wanted to start the conversation, and to be honest, you already moved on from that little, ridiculous fight, and were now dwelling in your own thoughts, remembering all the happy times with Sato, back when you were kids and life was simpler.

"Short stuff, really? Out of all nicknames?" Atsumu finally said, out of nowhere, faking laughter. "It's the lack of creativity for me"

You didn't respond, barely even hearing him speak.

"I mean, it was obvious the guy was all pure vanilla and no flavour, but still, pathethic." he went on "And the nerve of this dude! Would ya believe? Who is he now, your prince charming coming to the rescue? Since when?" Atsumu started to get really worked up over something he should pay exactly zero shits to, but you chose not to interrupt him, afraid your voice will break, which was highly likely, judging from the tears, still present in your eyes. "Hey, Angel Eyes, shouldn't ya be telling me to shut up by now?"

He suddenly stopped walking, lifting your cheek with his finger, and noticed the little wet mark going across your cheek. Now quiet and worried, he wiped of it off, turning you around to be facing him directly.

"What's up?" he just asked, not knowing how to react. You were always the one to calm him down, not the other way around.

"Nothing's up, can we keep walking? I feel bad about you freezing without your jacket, I'll make you tea"

"I'm counting on that, but first stop with the bullshit and tell me" never once had he even sworn around you, so you guessed that he was still angry, even though he was being kind of supportive.

"It's just that... Oh, it's stupid. Forget it." You started walking again, causing him to have to run up to you.

"It's not stupid, come on. Was that guy bad memories?" he frowned, walking backwards to keep eye contact with you. You didn't respond.

"Or was it me? Did I overreact? Are you mad?" damn, you really didn't think you could shake him this much just by not reacting to what he was saying. You had trouble remembering when was the last time he ask if it was him that made you upset.

"No, nothing like that." you finally decided he'll blow up if you kept on staying silent. "That pathethic nickname you're so stressed about, it just brought up the version of him I'd much rather remember, instead of this <I'm a nice guy> piece of crap I've witnessed today."

Shock came across his face, hearing you get upset like that. He stayed silent for a while, going back to walking by your side, and not in front of you.

"So, uhm... is that why I never heard of him?" he asked quietly, it was almost a whisper. You glanced at him and noticed he was looking away, probably hiding how much it must've costed him to skip his pride and ask that. You took his hand in a reassurring gesture, finding that his fingers were pressed hard against the inside of the hand, so hard his knuckles were probably white by now. It took you a bit to untangle that, but he finally let you hold his hand, still not looking.

"No. I was just trying to forget that guy." your level of voice matched his, giving the conversation an intimate vibe.

"Why?"

"Well, he was my best friend all my life, but then moved away and cut me off, even though he promised never to do that" you kept staring at the pavement, holding back the wave of emotions.

"Was he always such a prick?" you giggled, hearing the noticeable accent on the word "prick". Miya looked at you and smiled as well. "What, does the word <prick> amuse ya? What're ya, five?"

You kept laughing even louder.

"What? What did I say?" he broke into laughter watching your eyes light up, but a clueless expression still decorated his face.

"Remind me why do I love you again, you brat?" you mumbled between bursts of uncontrollable giggling.

Something suddenly held you back from walking. You turned back to see Atsumu, staying still, pure shock in his eyes, red colouring his cheeks. He kept glaring at you as if you just came back from the dead.

"What is it?" you asked, holding back the amusement, still smiling widely.

"You... do?"

For a short while you didn't understand what he was reffering to, but when you finally got it, it shocked you as well.

Did you really just...? Was it really the first time? You knew that for so long it felt as if you'd already said it a thousand times before.

"Oh god, sorry, sorry, forget I said anything" you apologized, remembering his fear of commitment. You broke the grasp and started walking fast, but heard a loud "no wait!" behind you.

Miya managed to catch up with you and put both his hands on your shoulders.

"Wait, just... do you really...?" what, couldn't he say it? Didn't he feel the same way? Why would he be with you for so long if he didn't? Were you just a playtoy? Really, you wouldn't be suprised, judging by the stereotypes going around about him, but you really hoped you guys were different than that.

"I'm sorry if that's a bother to you" you said, tears forming in the corners of your eyes again. You heard him laugh almost histerically.

"God no, it's not, Angel Eyes, how could you think that?" he lifted your chin to look you in the eyes, but you faced away. He shook his head in disbelief, pulling you into a tight hug. You suddenly felt at home, burying your face into his t-shirt, smelling the cologne you so liked.

You didn't want that moment to end. Whatever he had to say, you were now sure it wasn't positive and you didn't want to think of him any different than right then and there: as you precious little saltshaker of a boyfriend who was unbearable to be around for most of the time, but you still adored every single word that came out of his mouth and loved him alltogether so much it hurted your brain to process it.

He probably felt his shirt becoming wet, though, because he leaned over just a bit, to be able to whisper something in your ear. You clenched your fists, waiting for the inevitable.

"Well if that's the case... then that makes all my previous possesiveness out of place, doesn't it?"

You didn't say anything back, not really knowing how, but you were sure, that in an embrace as tight as that one he surely felt your heart jumping out of your chest even more every growing second.

"Hey, Angel Eyes" he then said, pulling away from the hug, and smiling upon seeing your hands still squeezing his shirt, from how much you didn't want to let go. "Relax, I just want to look into those eyes. Also, I don't want to whisper, that's sorta out of character for me, right? See, Angel Eyes, there are some things that just cannot be whispered, some feelings too strong to be degraded to the level of being silent. So I wanted to use my full voice to say — and it's not an easy thing to say, because, ya see, not only did I fall for you, but I am in fact, still falling! And that feeling creeps me out every single day. I guess that's why I was so afraid to tell you this. But I got it now."

He cleared his throat, looked you in the eyes, and put your hair behind your ear, which caused you to shake, due to his fingers being extremly cold.

"I love you to the point where no words are enough."

[resetting37]

Ranking my story arcs

    One reason I wish I had an actual written story instead of it just being in my head and sometimes talked about out of order on Tumblr is that I’d want people to give their own opinions on the storyline. Like when people rank seasons or series number of a form of media they like, you know ?

   I figured I’d rank my own story arcs based on my personal opinions, both gushing about my ocs and criticizing areas where I need to work on their story. Hey it’s not perfect you know ? 

Basic summarization of RESETTING’s arcs

Again, this is based on my own opinion. What I value and love most in long running stories and also, me acknowledging my story needs work on. I have the basic outline but adding additional developmental stuff and character interactions never hurt, you know ?

Starting with my “least favorite” to my favorite.

6. ARC FOUR.

I have no qualms with this arc, but if I’m being honest, it’s my weakest. And I’m sure it’d be apparent if I had a story, other people would agree. Audrey spends almost the entire chapter away from the rest of the crew, and as for them, it’s mostly sad ? I’ll go ahead and address the good stuff:

Audrey’s journey in Dile is interesting. Meeting Lilith and SOUL is cool. If I had a webcomic I’d want her POV to be about a quarter to a third of the arc. But not having her interact with my main cast does kind of suck. But hey, at least she does a lot of evaluating and she's like “.. wait do I love Kat ?” because. FINALLY.

Kat’s storyline of having the alter ego “GLOSS”  is fun. I like developing the idea that this world would want to take advantage of their genetic engineering technology and create some sick monsters from it. 

Besides Audrey and Katsumi, the rest don’t get *too much* to do, which is fine, but everyone else is just, kind of sad. Rightfully so ! but, it’s not fun :-( 

With that being said, one more positive note, I LOVE the finale of arc four. Audrey finally reunites with the gang and it leads right well into what we’ll see in arc five (and, I WILL talk about arc five in a moment...)

5. ARC ONE.

Look, arc one is FINE ! I don’t think I did anything *wrong* with it. It works ! But it’s relatively uneventful. and I did that on purpose. It’s harmless, just gives enough hints on what these guys have in store. Part of the reason I rank this one is so low is that there’s not really a conflict. Just a couple of minor ones that involve Audrey adjusting to her new life. 

We do get to meet most of our characters though, so yay ! And they’re all mostly meeting each other ? Or at least becoming friends with each other, so we get to see them do that. 

smh we don’t even have Morgan in this arc... 

jk it’s okay, I promise it’s fun. To be honest it’s the only arc I haven’t come up with a finale for yet.. like at all... Maybe that’s why I’m harsh towards this one.. it’s underdeveloped ! We’ll get working.

4. ARC SIX

Putting my final arc on the lower half LOOKS bad, but I just love the other three more, I promise ! I don’t have anything *bad* to say about my grand finale ! Other than that... my ocs are in some bad situations in the beginning and that might be upsetting. Unlike Arc four where they’re just sad, they're sad but they’re doing something at the same time. They start off all split up, but once my characters reunite, it’s fun.

I don’t like talking about this one too much because it’s complicated, so I’ll stop early. I’ll at least despite the hardships they’ve been through before, they get a happy ending. 

3. ARC THREE

This is where “my personal opinion” comes in heavily because I feel like if this was an actual story most people would put arc six before this one. But I’m so biased this one because it’s about the BAD GUYS ! Not only is Trinity *finally* introduced and given my favorite character introduction, but we get to see Recom. 

And they’re not even the main storyline. It’s actually Audrey becoming friends with Aurora and Sean. Aurora is finally shown her more villainous side (she gets worse, but before this she never actively hurt someone “in the story”) 

My characters all go through some really good developing in this arc (not just Avery and Zack, but Advik and Audrey change a lot here too) 

I think this arc just has a lot of fun world building (we see the prime class of Evelow up close, Recom, the inner depths of the Ellocast project) we see lesser known characters get to shine (Ian and Heidi have a good role here, we finally meet TY and the faceless twins, Aurora and her clique, etc.) 

I’d say the finale doesn’t leave off on the greatest note (It ends with Audrey LEAVING.) and that’s probably it’s greatest flaw. my fault. but yeah, I ranked this one in the upper half for my own biased reasons, what are you gonna do about it ?

2. ARC TWO

I freaking LOVE this arc !! MY FAVORITE CHARACTER IS HERE !!!! Bias is coming in again, but Morgan aside, it’s a very fun arc. I'd say it’s just as fun as arc three, but it’s happier, so it gets bonus points.

I mean, Sean is introduced in this Arc too, of course. My other “major character that’s borderline main”. He’s not as his best here (we’ll see that soon enough) but I love this guy. 

Here we get the perfect balance between having stakes and having good wholesome friends interacting ! Speaking of stakes, my first real villains, Adam and Seth ! And I freaking love them. Something about the storyline of bounty hunters going after their ex best friend, you know ?

Morgan just has great chemistry with all of my characters (ESPECIALLY advik and Avery.) and I love the tension she has with Audrey initially. 

Plot wise, It’s mostly focused on Morgan and Advik. Audrey is the main character still, it’s mostly a heightened version of what she was going through the previous arc (I.e. learning about Evelow while exploring her powers) Which is fine, I like that her personal arc is a little subtle because this is mostly about her external problems i.e. interactions w other characters.

1. ARC FIVE

arc five has EVERYTHING: every character has something to do, the stakes are super high, the internal AND external struggles, it’s so fun ! My characters do get to interact in ways I haven’t let them yet - imagine Avery being an antagonist ? Imagine Sean and trinity in the same room ?? Those happen here. 

Every character just SHINES here. Aurora gets to be absolutely evil here, the finale is heart breaking, and rightfully so. Sure Echo looks mean in my cover art up there, but they’re more so antagonistic than villainous. Echo is kind like a funny evil if that makes sense lol. 

I’m sorry, I’m making this sound sad despite it being my favorite. It’s sad to see the characters who were once best friends slowly split apart. But the ~drama~ of it all, you know ? And they don’t hate each other !! No we get really good friendship moments, Like Advik appointing Morgan as his advisor for his new council member role.. hm. Why Morgan ? because she’s his best friend :-) 

Audrey and Katsumi are FINALLY seen as girlfriends, we’ve been waiting for so long. (also, there’s a lot of romance in this arc lol. I’m not good at writing romance but it sure is fun)

But yeah, I love this one for having the tension and build up the previous arcs had finally paid off. 

[what-if-questions]

The Good Place Finale

Here are my opinions regarding the ending of The Good Place.

Keep in mind that these are my own opinions, I’m not forcing you to agree with me. If you thought the finale was perfect, good for you! Personally, though, I am not satisfied.

TL;DR (more detailed rambling under “Keep Reading”):

loved that Michael became a human

loved that Tahani became an architect

liked that the door turned them into those little voices of morality instead of just obliterating them from existence

hated the idea that people in the Good Place were experiencing eternal boredom/apathy rather than eternal happiness

hated that their solution for this was basically encouraging everyone to commit suicide

hated the idea that death somehow gives life meaning and purpose

basically I like the new concepts from the finale, but I hate everything that was set up in the “Patty” episode

the show should have ended with the “Mondays, Am I Right?” episode

Let’s start with the good before we move on to the bad and ugly.

I love that Michael became a human. Remember in season 2 when the others made him an honorary human? Now he gets to actually be one. Michael has always been fascinated by humans, so letting him experience what being one is really like is a great way to end his story arc on the show. (Sidenote: The scene where Michael was told he was going to become human was when I started crying.) (Sidenote #2: I choose to believe that when he dies, he’ll live in the Good Place as a human would for a while, but eventually he’ll become an architect again and hang out with Tahani and Janet instead of walking through the door.)

I love that Tahani became an architect. She (and the others) have done a lot to fix the afterlife system, so I find this to be a fitting resolution for her. In fact, I think an ending like this would have been great for all four of our humans. It would have been especially interesting in contrast to Michael—the architect becomes a human and the humans become architects. (And it definitely would have been a better ending than having them walk through the damn door.)

I have some mixed feelings about Janet. She didn’t get a real ending, she just continued to be her charming herself. On the one hand, it feels unfair that all the other main characters received some sort of a resolution, and my favorite character from the show did not. It feels like all she did in the episode was support the others; she deserved more than that. On the other hand, Janet is absolutely forking amazing the way she is, and it’s good to know that she’ll get to keep being amazing forever. (Sidenote: Loved the glimpse of her in the purple pajamas. :o) )

In regards to Eleanor, Chidi and Jason…

Jason essentially turning into a monk by accident—and not as a torture method—was not what I’d call a happy ending, but it was a funny ending, so I’m okay with that. (Sidenote: After that scene where he was first meant to walk through the door, I called it that he wouldn’t walk through yet and he’d make a surprise appearance later.)

I like that walking through the door didn’t simply destroy the humans but turned them into those little voices in people’s heads. It felt true to the show. The show is about learning to be better, and Eleanor always said that it was a little voice in her head that was compelling her to do so. To see her become a good person and turn into that little voice for someone else, to teach and guide others with what she’s learned… It seemed very appropriate that walking through the door would have this effect. However…

I do not like the idea of the door existing in the first place. At all. This is something I hated as soon as it was brought up as a concept in the “Patty” episode, and I still hate it, even now that we got to see what it does. I really, really wish this had not been an aspect of the show’s ending.

First of all, I just don’t understand how spending eternity in the Good Place (where you can get and experience anything you could possibly want, including real magic, things that would be impossible in the real world) could lead to eternal apathy and boredom rather than eternal happiness. The very idea of that is something I disagreed with and disliked. They have magic doors that can take them to any reality they want! They have Janets, who can make anything they want for them! The time is infinite, yes, but so are the possibilities! Honestly, if I had been in the Good Place and started to feel unhappy, I’d just ask a Janet to make me some magical piece of candy that, if I eat it, will stop me from feeling bored and apathetic and make me feel happy forever. Bing! Problem solved, no suicide-door necessary.

Which brings me to the second thing I hated: this dumb problem had an even worse solution. People in the Good Place are not satisfied, and the solution is to create a forking suicide-door? Really? They basically said: “Are you not having fun in the afterlife anymore? Don’t bother trying to make yourself feel happy again. Just walk through this door and kill yourself! It’s painless! :)” What a depressing message to end the show on, especially after spending four seasons by telling us that we shouldn’t give up when things are hard, that we should keep trying to better ourselves and the world. They spent four seasons telling us that people can become better and improve their lives if they stick together. The ending then had them leave each other one by one to kill themselves because they thought that their lives (/afterlives) couldn’t improve anymore. How is that a fitting ending for the show? Answer: It’s not.

(And don’t come at me with any “death is what gives life purpose and meaning” because that’s absolute bullshirt in my opinion. If that’s how you look at life—you do you, but I do not share this worldview.)

I’ve seen a bunch of people call the finale “satisfying” and “comforting,” but I really don’t see it that way. At all. No matter what the show tried to say, the fact is that people don’t kill themselves when they’re happy and at peace. People kill themselves when life becomes so miserable that death starts to seem like the lesser evil. Seeing three of the main characters end up like that… Being told that, in this fictional world, everyone will end up like that… That’s not satisfying. That’s not comforting. That’s forking depressing.

Maybe I’m biased, I don’t know, but, to me, creating the door honestly felt a lot like a pro‑suicide message. And you know what? In real life, I’m not against letting people who don’t want to live anymore die. Life is not a fairy tale. Sometimes people get terminal illnesses that cannot be cured and they have to spend the rest of their lives in pain. Life can reach a point where all hope is lost and the best thing to do is end it before it gets even worse. But this is, like, the most depressing thing about life. I didn’t want this show, which had previously been making me so very happy, to suddenly remind of that fact at the end. I didn’t want this show to endorse the idea that life just sucks beyond repair and there’s nothing we can do to fix it (especially since they made it sound as though life will always end up sucking, no matter what—even if you’re living in literal paradise where you can get anything you want).

I’m not saying this just because I personally prefer stories with happy endings over depressing ones, which admittedly I do. Strongly. But honestly, even if I pretend that I don’t have this preference, I still think this was not a good ending for the show. It did not suit the show. There were almost four entire season full of hope, and the ending got suddenly hopeless. Four seasons that promoted trying to improve, then suddenly an ending that endorsed giving up. Four seasons about sticking together, then suddenly an ending about leaving each other. Four seasons full of fun, then suddenly an ending that bummed me the fork out. And sure, sometimes you have stories where something that was true throughout the whole thing is suddenly changed in a surprise twist and whatnot (see the season 1 finale), but why would you want to abandon something that’s been so positive for four years and give it such a negative, depressing twist? On a show like this? On a comedy show about bettering yourself, the final twist is that everybody gives up? That just doesn’t feel right to me.

Frankly, I would have liked it a lot more if the show had ended with the “Mondays, Am I Right?” episode. That ending would have been a lot more satisfying, comforting, hopeful and happy than the real ending was. Plus, if they had not done the last 2/3 episodes, then instead they could have stretched the first 11 into 13/14. Frankly, I thought there were things that were rushed and not explored enough, mainly the creation of the afterlife tests. (Sidenote: Ooh! I just had an idea: imagine how cool it would have been if the series finale had been about Michael going through these tests! Over and over, gradually improving, until finally passing and thereby truly cementing his redemption from a literal demon. Or maybe the finale could have been about all the six characters going through the tests; I bet Janet would have nailed hers on the first try, hee!) (Sidenote #2: Also, with this added time, we could have gotten to see more of Disco Janet, hehehe. That could have been fun.) In the end, the show would have said goodbye by having the characters set off for the Good Place. The way the real Good Place looks and works? In spite of the show’s title, I do think this could have been left to our imaginations and it would have been just fine (definitely better than what we got…).

In my opinion, if the writers really wanted to see the Good Place before the story ended, they shouldn’t have made it so stupidly flawed. And if they really wanted to have a stupid flaw, they shouldn’t have solved it in such a stupid way. They could have found a solution that didn’t sound like glorification of suicide. They could have found a solution that would have been nice to see, and then they could have let the four humans become architects instead of making them want to kill themselves. They could have (should have, in my opinion) given this show a happy ending. This show has always been so fun and full of hope—it deserved a happy ending. It deserved an ending that was not depressing and hopeless. Sadly, that’s the ending we got.

I should say, however, that even though I am not happy with the way the show ended, I still love the show as a whole. Also, even though I am not happy with the way the show ended, it was still better than the end of HIMYM. :D

Peace!

[jeff-stillcoolasazombie]

The Waiter and the Hotel Heiress- Chapter 2

a Kristanna and Eloise at Christmastime crossover event!

Length: 2741 words

Rating: K+ 

Also read on AO3

A/N: I am clearly booboo the fool if I thought I could start and finish writing an entire Christmas au less than a week before Christmas. I’m really busy the next few days, but I have nothing else in my head except for this story right now, and I have it all mapped out. I will have the whole thing done and posted by New Year’s at the very latest. 

Chapter 2: Red Roses

After gently interrogating the housekeepers the night before, Eloise had determined that Kristoff and Anna belonged together. Yes, Anna was engaged to Hans, but Eloise still sensed there was something off about him. And anyway, what Kristoff and Anna had was true love, and what was more perfect and romantic than literal, actual true love?

Still, if she was going to convince them of that, Eloise would need to find legitimate reasons (as if true love needed reason for anything) for the two of them to connect.

But first, she needed to be absolutely sure that Anna still cared for Kristoff. Although Eloise was pretty certain that she did.

Naturally, with the nuptials mere days away, Eloise knew to find Anna in the parlor that morning for a dress fitting. “Hi Anna,” she said, strolling right up to the podium Anna was standing on. “Gosh, fancy running into you here.”

Anna gave the child a polite smile. “Hello, Eloise. What do you think of my dress?” She was wearing an ivory colored satin gown, the flared mermaid hem currently being altered with pins by a parlor seamstress. 

Eloise thought Anna looked divine, but only gave a cursory glance. “Oh fine, I guess. Only I’ve been thinking, and aren’t you afraid that you might be rushing into things a little?” She began wandering around the small section of the room, pretending to be more interested in other bridal things as she spoke.

A confused look fell across Anna’s face. “You mean the wedding?” she clarified. “A couple of days ago you thought it was the most romantic thing you’d ever heard.”

“Well, it is,” Eloise said, trying not to back-peddle. A Christmas wedding was the most romantic thing Eloise had ever heard of, but forget whatever she said or thought. Right now she needed to focus on the task at hand, which was to test the waters and see how deep Anna’s feelings for Kristoff still lingered. Eloise continued, “I mean, when you’re absolutely sure it’s the right thing, because you really know the guy. Like really, really, really know him.” She paused in front of a floor length mirror to look back at Anna’s reflection. “Like you know Kristoff, for instance,” she said nonchalantly.

“You’re quite fond of him, aren’t you?” Anna said, laughing.

“Of course. He’s my best friend,” Eloise answered happily. And she listed off all the reasons Kristoff was so great. “He’s funny and charming and he lets me win every sword fight.” That last one might have been a bit biased toward six-year-olds, so Eloise added, “And no matter how tired he is, he’ll always play me a song on the piano.”

Anna beamed. “Did he teach you the little dances that go with them?” she asked, her face lighting up at the memory of playing music with Kristoff. 

Then right there, Anna hopped off the dress podium (to the seamstress’s dismay) and started tap dancing with Eloise, humming a silly tune before ending in a little surprise twirl. The two girls giggled.

“Oh, he could make me laugh so hard with that,” Anna said full of glee. She lowered herself down a bit to meet the six-year-old’s eye. “Sometimes, I’d sneak down after the parties were over and we’d put on these little shows together, just the two of us. And I remember this one time we—“

Anna stopped suddenly, catching a glimpse in the mirror at herself in a beautiful bridal gown. She was supposed to be preparing to marry Hans, not reminiscing over ancient memories about Kristoff. Her face fell back into a neutral expression at the thought.

“Well. It doesn’t really matter now,” Anna said with a sad smile. She rose back up to the podium. “We’ve both moved on.”

Eloise frowned, for only a split second, before changing the topic. “Yeah. Good ol’ Kristoff,” the girl said. “Only I wish I could figure out who his girlfriend is.”

Anna’s head perked up. “His girlfriend?”

“I don’t know for sure,” Eloise started, playing with some veils to seem distracted from the leading comments. “But this morning I was in the kitchen, and I heard him ordering flowers over the phone. I mean, what else could I think? You don’t just send red roses to just anyone.” She glanced at Anna’s reflection in the mirror again, searching for any hint in the woman’s face.

“Red roses?” Anna herself had received an arrangement of beautiful red roses just that morning. It seemed too coincidental that Kristoff would’ve ordered red roses for some other girl, right? 

Eloise knew it wasn’t coincidence at all. Kristoff hadn’t sent anyone roses; in fact, Anna’s roses were delivered by Eloise herself. But sometimes true love needed a little help. 

———

FIVE YEARS EARLIER, THE SAME DAY

Kristoff wasn’t at all sure which university the Christmas party belonged to, but he immediately found that it didn’t matter in the slightest. Most parties—especially around the holidays—had the same general decorative layout and duties, he learned.

True to her word, Anna was waiting by the entrance of the Gold room at 1:45, just like they’d agreed. She was wearing the same pink blouse from that morning but now with a brown skirt, her red hair in an elaborate braid. At least she had more appropriate clothes on now. She waved at Kristoff giddily when she saw him, and he gave her a polite smile in return. All of the other employees greeted her as she walked past, but other than that no one really regarded her more. It was as if her presence was a natural occurrence and expected without question. She was just another person helping out. 

And yet, every single task she performed with immense cheer, Kristoff noticed. She wanted to help, but more so she was glad to, it made her happy to help. Kristoff smiled every time he looked up to see Anna setting up some table or decoration or another. Her family was so wealthy, she could afford to spend her time doing whatever she wanted, but instead she was helping the waitstaff in the ballroom, because she liked doing it. Because she thought it was fun, she had said. 

Anna was not allowed to stay for the party, however; she was escorted up to her room by a well-dressed older woman Kristoff didn’t know around four, about an hour before the party was set to begin. Despite being the heiress of the entire hotel, Anna would not be allowed the fun excitement of attending the actual party. It seemed that there might be many things, perhaps, that Anna wasn’t allowed to do.

Along with setting up for the party, Kristoff was also expected to serve trays of food and drinks during the evening. Normally, Kristoff was not supposed to work such long shifts, from morning till night, but larger events—particularly during the holidays, when there were so many of them—were more demanding. And considering it was only the third of December, he knew he had a lot of long work days ahead of him. 

The party finally wrapped up around nine, and although Kristoff was exhausted from the mad rush of constantly running to and from the kitchen to provide food and Christmas ambience for such a crowd of people, he was also pumping with adrenaline. It was hard work, and there was never a moment of rest, but it was interesting just being in the same vicinity as such high society. Kristoff wasn’t sure if he would ever desire to be a part of this elite someday, based on some of the conversations he had eavesdropped on; no, just experiencing it by way of waitstaff was enough.

Since it was his first day, a senior waiter named Robert had taken Kristoff under his wing during the event, teaching him the ropes and showing him how to tear down the ballroom afterward. “Almost every party, from set-up to clean-up, goes exactly the same,” Robert told him.

At ten fifteen, they were just finishing clearing off the tables of their floral arrangements when Kristoff noticed someone standing in the corner of the room. He suddenly realized it was Anna, watching the staff attentively but not reaching out to help.

“Does she always spy on the servers after parties?” Kristoff asked Robert quietly, nodding towards Anna.

Robert looked up her subtly. “Not always, but often enough that no one ever acknowledges it,” he said.

She stayed there waiting until finally Kristoff was finished and went over to her where she was leaning against the wall now. “Isn’t it a bit late for girls your age to be down here unchaperoned?” he asked teasingly. He found that the party atmosphere had given him new confidence, and spending the afternoon along side her had made him even more at ease around her.

Her arms were crossed, and she feigned offense at his remark. “Excuse you, I’m not some lost ingenue with no idea of what time it is. My father happens to be the owner of this hotel, and if I am to take over for him someday, I need to be aware of every little thing that goes on.” She gave Kristoff a wry yet encouraging smile.

“Really?” he said coolly. “So then what’s going on at the Plaza for the rest of the night?” Part of him said it to be funny and to hear what crazy excuse Anna would come up with, but another part of him felt his energy waning. Still he humored her. “You’ve only been standing here for the past few minutes, so you must have some kind of ulterior motive by coming down.”

Anna smirked. “As a matter of fact, I was thinking of heading over to the Terrace room, to check on things over there,” she answered. “Would you like to come?”

There hadn’t been anything going on in the Terrace room that day, and she knew it. “What do you want in there?” he asked confused.

“Would you like to join me?” she asked him again. “Seeing as how I’m apparently in need of a chaperone,” she added.

Kristoff blushed. “That was a— I didn’t mean to—“ He stopped talking and took stock in the heiress’s proposal. She wanted to hang out with him. A situation like this could lead into scandalous territory, especially for him as the male and the employee. Still, it sounded like fun, and Anna had promised him that morning that she wouldn’t get him into trouble.

“Sure,” he finally said, giving a small grin. “Just let me clock out.” The least he could do if he was going to sneak around the hotel with the owner’s daughter was to clock out on time.

Anna followed Kristoff into the break area of the kitchen (he had forgotten she was allowed pretty much anywhere) where he punched his card, returned his waiter’s jacket and bowtie, and reached for his own coat. He caught Anna staring at his torso, and he remembered the dress shirt he was wearing was just a bit too tight on him, revealing the tone and outline of his chest. He debated removing the dress shirt in favor of just the t-shirt he had on underneath. Maybe this was actually a bad idea. 

But before Kristoff could change his mind, Anna had grabbed him by the forearm and was guiding him through the kitchen to the Terrace room.

Kristoff had only briefly peeked in the Terrace room earlier, just to familiarize himself with all the ballrooms. The Terrace room was one of the larger event spaces at the Plaza and featured a grand piano in one corner. The lights in the room were dimmed, since there had been no event in there that evening.

“What are we doing here, Anna?” he asked once they got there.

“Can you play piano?” she asked him.

He shook his head. “I only know the guitar.” His aunt and uncle had gifted him an old guitar when he was a boy and playing it became a happy solace when he tired of mountain life.

“Oh, well, guitar and piano are very similar, I’ve heard,” Anna said. “I can teach you.”

She sat down at the piano bench, and when he didn’t immediately join her, she furiously motioned for him to sit to her left.

Kristoff did so but hesitantly. No, she wouldn’t purposely get him into trouble, but they were still two teenagers sitting very close together on a piano bench. As he sat closer to her, he noticed she smelled like lavender and roses. Meanwhile, he smelled faintly of sweat and grilled chicken.

“We’ll play the same notes, but I’ll take the high part and you can do the low,” she said, stretching her hands lightly across the keys. He copied her, focusing on her fingers instead of her face or her scent. 

Anna showed him which keys corresponded with which notes and taught him some simple chords. She then taught him how to play “Jingle Bells”, both just the melody and the full song. 

“How long have you been playing piano?” he asked her after about twenty minutes. Kristoff could tell she was downplaying her own skills to teach him the basics and make him less self-conscious.

“Since I was four,” she said without looking up at him. “I stopped taking lessons when I was twelve, so now I just play for fun.”

He smirked. “Do you do this often? Sneak down here and play for fun?”

Anna stopped playing now and looked at his face. “Fine, you caught me,” she said with a reserved expression. “This isn’t a regular thing for me. But I wanted to get to know you better, and I thought this would be a fun way of letting loose.”

Kristoff tried to hide his surprise at her response. She wasn’t just wanting to have fun after the party. She specifically wanted to have fun with him. Was that also not a common thing? Did she pick an employee at random every once in a while to hang out with?

He studied Anna’s face. She had the biggest eyes he had ever seen, the most perfect shade of robin’s eye blue. He noticed a light dusting of freckles all over her blushed ivory skin. And with his body so close to hers, Kristoff realized just how petite she was compared to him, like he could cradle her entire body in his arms alone. She was so beautiful.

In the distance, Kristoff heard the chime of a clock strike eleven. “It’s getting late,” he finally said, stopping himself from continuing his suggestive thoughts about her. He got up from the bench. “I should be going home, and it’s probably best for you to go back to your suite before your family notices you’re gone.”

Anna gave a small smile and sighed. “Perhaps you’re right,” she said. “Thank you for humoring me. But at least you have a new skill to practice in your down time,” she said, gesturing to the piano.

Kristoff laughed and helped her up. They walked back together through the staff corridors—the best way, Anna assured him, to navigate the hotel after hours. He guided her to the freight elevator, which she insisted on using. Never mind that the service elevator would be utilized by any housekeepers making their evening rounds.

Anna leaned towards Kristoff as she waited for the elevator. “You did very well today,” she said, “very good work all around.”

He realized that she was grading his work ethic and laughed. “Glad to hear I’m doing a good job at my job.” 

Her eyes lit up with hope now. “Same time tomorrow night?” she asked happily. She did not ask about room service in the morning or setting up for events during the day. Those encounters would be guaranteed. Late night piano sessions were not.

He looked down at her, then past her at a counter with floral arrangements leftover from the university party. Without thinking, he pulled out a rose and gave it to her. Anna cupped it in her small hands.

“See you tomorrow, Anna,” he said. 

And with his first shift at the Plaza complete, Kristoff knew he had many more exhausting days ahead of him. But they would all be worth it if he got to spend just an hour every evening being with her.

[staytheb]

So It’s You

Pairing: PTG’s Yuto x OC [Lynn] || PTG’s Hongseok x OC [Alice] Genre: college!au, slice of life, slight fluff, slight angst Word Count: 9,551 Summary: Yuto's been finding love confessions on his phone for a while now, but doesn't know who it could possibly be from yet he doesn't delete any of them and hopes they're not from his friends who know his pass-code. All he knows is that she's been into him for more than a year and they've interacted on numerous occasions, but not long enough to make an actual lasting impression for him to grasp who she could really be. Hongseok's known around campus for being super hot and every girl's wet dream to which he doesn't mind sleeping with them if intoxicated enough. He ends up sleeping with someone he doesn't quite remember and the only thing he has of hers are her panties and cell phone. Of course the owner of these doesn't really want anything to do with him, but she has to find a way to get her things back without him actually finding out who she really is. part two {Chances}

Warning: implied sex, drinking, college life stuff, and young adult theme more or less. not proofread either since i’ve last shared it. lol

this is where i learned who my sister’s actual bias was. also this is where i learned that i had three potential biases and didn’t know who to choose or which one was my actual bias in the group. lol but this was my first fraternity story ever and it was super fun to write even though i have no idea how that greek row life is and so had to do minor research and from what i’ve seen in movies. lol anyways, happy reading and kthxbai, Admin Lia~

Hongseok finally woke to the sound of an annoying ringing sound that kept disturbing his sleep to which he thought was a part of his dream. He groaned while rubbing his temples from the on-coming headache that was seeping in due to the party last night. It then became silent and he let out another groan as he flopped back onto his bed only to rise again a minute later when the ringing tone sounded again. "What is that?" He asked while looking around his room not seeing anything that could make the sound for he knew his own cellular device had a different ring tone.

Hongseok ran a hand through his messy hair, removed the blanket from his naked body, and cast a confused face as he usually slept in his boxers and a tank. The male tried to think back on what had occurred last night and remembered the party, but it was fuzzy. The last thing he remembered was making out with some chick in his bedroom, but had a feeling he knew her. "I wondered why she left in such a hurry this morning." He smirked as he stood up to stretched his limbs while letting out a yawn before slipping on his boxer briefs. Hongseok later spied something bright at the foot of his bed and reached out to take a hold of it.

Before he could look at the item the annoying ringing sound came again as he turned his head to find the source. He followed the sound to a black dress ripped completely from the back on the other side of his bed and he picked it up. "I wondered if she left this behind on purpose." He chuckled while glancing at the underwear in his left hand and the dress in his right before searching it to find a mobile device in its pocket. "I didn't know dresses had pockets." He mumbled before looking at the cell phone and sliding a thumb to turn off the alarm clock. "Who would choose a class at eight in the morning?"

He stared at the purple underwear and black dress again. "Better yet, who was she" Hongseok stared at the phone again. "Well, whoever she is, I'm pretty sure she'll be coming back for these." He smirked as he messed with the phone to access it, but it just showed the lock-screen of the night sky and clouds. "Hmm, too bad I don't know the pass-code unless she's the simple type." He pressed one, two, three, and four, but it didn't unlock the device. "Okay, maybe she's not." Just then he felt the phone vibrate and Hongseok saw a name flash across the screen. "Koala Girl?" He slid the green icon to answer it. "Hello?"

"Hi." A female voice came from the other side. "I'm a friend of the person's phone you're talking with." "Oh, right. Hi." "May I ask who this is?" "Hongseok of PTG." He heard a loud gasped and couldn't but help smirked at that. "She has you under Koala Girl, but I'm sure that's not your real name." "She would and no. Anyways, do you think we could meet to retrieve her phone?" "Am I meeting you or her?" "Me." "Tell your friend that I want to meet her instead." There was a paused and he heard muffled voices on the other side before the friend spoke again. "She said no." "Either I meet with her or she doesn't get her phone back."

"But that's not your phone." He heard another female voice speak and he chuckled before speaking. "Tell your friend that I have some of her personal things to return to her since she left them behind in her hurry to leave this early morning." Hongseok heard more gasps and muffled voices that sounded like they were laughing and the one he probably slept with telling them all to 'shut up' and 'to mind their own business'. "Fine. I'll meet you." Came her voice as she took over the phone call. "Today at six o'clock at the fountain in front of the school." "Okay. See you then." "Yeah, sure. Bye." Hongseok laughed and wondered who she could be.

~~~~~~~~~~

"No wonder you didn't meet us for pancakes when we left because you were having sex with a Phi Tau Gamma member." Lynn laughed as she took back her phone from Alice who was sitting beside her on the couch with their other two roommates. "Shut up, Lynn." Alice groaned as she hid her face with a throw pillow which was yanked away by her other friend, Katherine. "You got that wasted last night that you actually slept with a frat boy?" "Ahh, this is so good to be true!" Jasmine exclaimed as she patted Alice's foot with excitement. "Don't even start, Jasmine, and Kat, I wasn't that wasted."

Alice groaned again, but Jasmine continued anyways. "And here you were telling me that you can hold your own and won't do anything naughty or stupid, especially with a frat boy. More specifically, Hongseok." Jasmine giggled as Alice tried to kick at her friend, but kicked air instead. "Shut up." "Wait, did you guys use a condom or no?" Katherine asked a second later. "I have no idea, but I need to go buy me the pill later." Alice rubbed her face as Jasmine cheekily grinned. "Or you can wait about two to three months to find out." "Shut up, Jasmine. It's nothing to joke about and besides I don't need to find out about that."

Katherine slapped Alice's thigh. "But you do need to find out if you got anything from him. He has slept with a lot of girls." "Maybe guys, too." Lynn added, but the other two looked at her. "What? You never know." "I doubt that." Jasmine disagreed as Alice rolled her eyes. "Seriously, shut up, guys. Stop talking about my personal life. I'll go to the clinic tomorrow or maybe later today after I buy the pill." She looked at the trio. "Happy with that?" "Yes." Katherine nodded as Jasmine shook her head. "I still want the details of what happened last night." "No." Alice declined as Lynn re-worded Jasmine's question.

"Well, I wanna find out what you left behind, Alice." Lynn mused as she tugged at the long black and white cardigan that her friend was wearing. "Maybe it's why you're wearing something of his that doesn't belong to you and nothing underneath." "Ugh, I know but it was the first thing I saw and threw on." Alice admitted. "I panicked when I was searching for my panties when I heard him moving and the only thing I could think of was to get out of there as soon as possible." "Ah, that makes so much sense now." Katherine chuckled as she returned the small pillow to Alice. "I'm still surprised that you still slept with Hongseok though."

"So, Alice, is he great in bed like how all the other girls on campus make him out to be?" Jasmine asked with interest as Alice tried to shoo her away. "All I'm saying is that I was sore and aching when I woke up." "Ooh and how was his body? You cannot not forget about that. Heard he's like a Greek god." "I don't know, Jasmine. I'm trying not to remember." "Well, you better remember when you meet him in less than ten hours since you're skipping class." Lynn informed as Alice groaned again into the throw pillow. "I need a plan to make sure he won't find out." "What plan?" They chorused. "I don't know, but it'll come before then."

~~~~~~~~~~

"Well, look who's up before ten this morning." Hyunggu mused as he saw Hongseok entered the kitchen all dressed for the day. "I know there has to be a reason for that because you're class doesn't start until two. So what is it?" "I'm pretty sure it has to do with the little honey that snuck out of here at six this morning and was wearing his favorite cardigan." Wooseok chuckled as he took a bite of his cereal. "Ah, so that's why I couldn't find it." Hongseok let out with a sigh and turned to face his fraternity brothers after taking a sip of water from his water bottle. "Did any of you get a good look of how she looked like?"

"No." Jinho answered as he spread jam onto his toast and bit into it. "She hid her face with her hair when she bumped into me on her way down the stairs this morning." He chuckled. "I was surprised she was able to navigate with those killer heels she got on along with her hair blocking her view." "What? Are you trying to find her?" Hyojung asked while playing a game on his phone. "I'm surprised she didn't stay in bed with you like the others." "Maybe she found out that Hongseok isn't all that now that she got to experienced the moments with him." Changgu mused as he entered the kitchen and grabbed a can of soda out of the fridge.

"That's not it at all." Hongseok rolled his eyes as he pulled out Alice's phone from his pocket. "I'm meeting her later this evening to returned her phone and some of her other things that she happened to leave behind." "Well, at least it's not a Cinderella story." Changgu laughed after taking a swig of Cola and thumped Hongseok on the back with a curious face. "But this is the very first time that you're actually meeting up with one of them after sleeping with them. Especially to the point of returning something of theirs when you never do." "She just seems different since she's the only one that ran off before I could tell her to go."

Yuto entered the kitchen still with his bed hair, but dressed for the day. "I wish I was lucky as you, Hongseok." Yuto said as he pour himself a bowl of cereal. "What do you mean?" Hongseok asked with a puzzled look. "There's a lot of rumors and you have to live with the good and bad of them." "Not that part." Yuto dismissed as he pulled out his mobile device and searched for what he wanted to show them. "I've been finding these little love notes on my phone for months now, but I don't know who they're from." He placed the phone onto the table with Hyunggu grabbing it first. "Hope they're not from you guys because that's wrong."

"We like pranks and all, but we don't mess with the love stuff, Yuto. Hwitaek made sure that we didn't." Hyojung stated as he set his phone down after losing in the game. "Besides, is your phone locked or no?" "I have the pass-code set that's why I hope it's not you guys because y'all know what it is." Yuto reasoned as everyone gathered around Hyunggu who was smiling throughout reading the contents. "This is so freaking cringe-worthy." He used his finger to scroll to one of the notes he found interesting. "This one talks about how Yuto is such a prince and that she would never be good enough for him since he's extremely handsome."

Hyunggu went to another one as Jinho read it this time. "I don't even know why I like you, but I just do." "Read more, read more." Wooseok urged as this was exciting for him. "Okay, here we go." Hyunggu swiped to another one with Changgu reading it before he could. "It's like I want you to look at me, but I turn my head every time you do." Hyojung plucked the phone out of Hyunggu's hand and read the latest entry. "I don't know what to talk about, but I wanna talk to you. There are many things that I would like to say, but I don't know how. I guess that's why I leave these notes on your phone instead."

Hongseok looked over at Yuto with a smile. "I think you got yourself a secret admirer, Yuto. Are you sure you don't know who it is?" "Yeah, it seems like you see this person often with how they're leaving the messages." Changgu reasoned as Yuto took back his phone and went through it once more. "I don't exactly know who it is, but I do know that we have to know each other for more than a year though." He finally found what he was looking for. "Because I must've talked to her countless of times whenever we have our parties, have those events at the campus center, and during class."

Yuto handed the phone to Wooseok before speaking again. "Because this is the newest entry from last night's party." Wooseok read it out loud. "My friend who's majoring in psychology told me that a crush lasts for no more than four months, but my crush for you has been for a year already. The funny thing is that she says if it goes beyond that then I'm in love. How can I be in love with you when I only attend the PTG parties and somehow end up in at least one class with you every semester? We don't talk that much or for that long. It's always in passing and just small talk. I'm pretty sure this is one-sided and you don't feel the same."

Wooseok was about to hand the phone back, but Yuto told him to scroll further down to read more. "I don't want to read it." "I'll read it then." Changgu grinned as he took the phone in his hold. "You're a cute guy, Yuto. Also manly and very nice, but the more I think about it, it doesn't make sense for me to continue on like this. I don't know how many of these messages I've left on your phone or how many you have actually read and probably even deleted without reading any of it. It won't change anything since you don't even know who's confessing to you. Sorry for bothering you. This will be the last one. Take care, Yuto."

"You really need to find out who this is, Yuto." Jinho advised Yuto as Changgu returned him his phone. "You've kept her messages and read them yet she doesn't even know that." "How can I when I don't even know who she is." Yuto defended himself as he saved the last note with the others. "Besides, how am I at fault when she's the one writing me these love notes without revealing who she is on my phone." He huffed a bit annoyed. "I'm not popular like Hongseok and have all the ladies lining up for me to sleep with. I'm also not talkative and don't socialize often like you guys. I have no idea where to start in searching for her."

Hongseok rolled his eyes after hearing the comment about him. "I don't have the ladies lining up for me to sleep with them, Yuto." "Yeah, that's a lie." Hwitaek said as he entered the kitchen while giving them all looks as they greeted their president. "Yeah, yeah. Good morning to you all, too, but how come you guys didn't show up at the booth to help set it up?" Hwitaek asked them once he grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and directing the conversation elsewhere. "I have Yanan and Shinwon taking care of the major things right now while the others are doing the tedious stuff."

He eyed his friends. "I need my main people to be there, too, so that the lower members don't think the higher ones are getting away with everything and being lazy." Hwitaek explained before taking a large drink of water. "We're trying to help Yuto find out who has had a crush on him for over a year now and has given up on loving him because she thinks it's one-sided or not." Hyunggu explained and continued while casting a thumb in Hongseok's direction. "And we're also wondering why Hongseok wants to meet up with this girl who didn't stay after they fucked."

"Yuto's story I can believe, but Hongseok's I don't believe it at all." Hwitaek scoffed as Hongseok defended himself. "What's so hard to believe my story? It's true." "Because as long as I've known you, Hongseok, you're the chased not the chaser." "I'm returning her a few things that she left in my room she forgot to take." "Like I've mentioned earlier, Hongseok," Changgu interjected, "You never returned any of these girls their things. You just toss them out." "That's true." Hyojung agreed. "Changgu has a point." "Guys, let's give him a break." Jinho intervened. "We'll just see how it turns out later when he does return it." "Okay." The others agreed.

Hwitaek then looked at Yuto with a puzzled look. "How does this girl even end up with your phone to leave you these love notes anyways?" Yuto shrugged. "No clue. It goes missing during the party, but it's returned to me at the end of the night." "Maybe you should just leave your phone in your room." Hyojung advised as he returned to playing games on his phone again. "But what if the same girl attends the party and can't leave him anymore messages." Hyunggu argued as Wooseok looked over at him. "But she just said that that was the last one so I don't think there's going to be more." "That's sad, Yuto." "I told you it's not my fault."

~~~~~~~~~~

Lynn appeared at the PTG's booth just as they were close to finishing setting it up. Shinwon spotted her first and greeted her with a warm smile. "Good morning, Lynn." "Morning." She scanned the faces, but didn't see the one she was hoping to see despite what she came to realize last night. "He's not here." Shinwon confirmed with a smirk as she rolled her eyes. "I didn't come here for him, Shinwon." "Of course you didn't." He cheekily smiled at her as Yanan joined them. "Morning, Lynn." "Morning, Yanan." She smiled at him as Shinwon pouted. "You never smile at me when I greet you." "Because you're a brat." "That's true."

"Anyways, why are you here?" Yanan asked her as he offered her a seat to which she took and he joined a moment later. "I have a favor to ask the both of you." Lynn told them and Shinwon interrupted her. "I'm not confessing to Yuto for you." Shinwon declined as Lynn rolled her eyes. "I would never ask you to do that." "Oh, really? Are you actually going to talk to him instead of leaving little love notes on his phone all the time?" He smirked. "You owe me for giving you the pass-code and his phone." "Yeah, just like you owe me for all those study notes I lent you since we've known each other." "How about we call it even then?" "Okay."

"Besides, it's only you two out of the others PTG members that know my thing for Yuto." Lynn reminded them before casting them all a narrowed look. "And you guys better not say anything to him or I'll tie you up, covered you in honey, feed you to the ants, and then set you both on fire." "Wow, that's harsh." Shinwon frowned as Yanan interjected. "Wait, let's get back on track you guys. Lynn. What's the favor?" Yanan asked to get them back on topic. "Oh, right. Thanks, Yanan. Anyways, it's nothing too big. I just need your help later this evening with something." Lynn told them in a nonchalant tone.

"It's nothing illegal or anything if that's what you're assuming it's about." She laughed. "Wait, why are you asking us? Don't you have your other friends to help you?" Shinwon asked a second later after checking everything on his clipboard as Lynn rolled her eyes. "That's the reason why I need your guys' help because it's to help my other friends. One friend actually." "What exactly do you want us to help you with?" "You can't tell your PTG members that you're helping out, but it involves Hongseok." "Now you've moved onto him and left poor Yuto behind?" Shinwon gasped taking a seat next to her as Lynn smacked him. "No. That's not it."

She then went back to explaining. "I just need you guys to distract Hongseok when he meets one of my friends to return her her phone. When I give you a signal that's when you guys appear to talk to him and while he's busying talking to you guys my other friend who's the actual one he's supposed to meet is going to steal back her phone and run off with it while the other friend he thought was my other friend is there to confuse him." "Wait." Yanan held up a hand. "I think I'm the one that's confuse with all of this." Lynn simplified it. "I just need you guys to talk to Hongseok when I give you the signal." "Okay. That makes more sense."

~~~~~~~~~~

Katherine felt a soft pat on her left shoulder as she turned around to face Hongseok who was already smiling at her. "Hi." He greeted her as she hoped the awkward smile she was giving him wasn't obvious. "Hey to you, too." Hongseok tilted his head as he looked at Katherine better while neither of them said anything else to each other. Katherine broke the silence. "So, about my phone?" "Oh, right. This?" He pulled Alice's phone from out of his pocket and held it casually in his grip. Katherine reached for the device, but Hongseok moved it out of her way. "First answer this question."

"What question would that be?" Katherine asked with a nervous chuckled as Hongseok smiled playfully at her. "You're not her are you?" Before Katherine could even process the question she saw Shinwon and Yanan running up to them to join them like what Lynn had told her the plan would go. "Hey, Hongseok!" Shinwon greeted the male as he clamped a hand onto his shoulder. "Are we interrupting?" "Hopefully it's nothing too important." Yanan said from Hongseok's other side as Hongseok cast his friends a weird look. "Didn't I tell you guys about it?" "No." They feign like they were clueless about it.

Just as Hongseok was going to tell them again he felt the mobile device slipped from his fingers and darted his eyes to see what was the caused of it. His eyes followed the hand that took a firm hold of the cell phone and towards the owner of it and saw that it was her who was wearing his cardigan and made the connection. "It's you!" He called out just as Alice turned around to make a run for it and Hongseok gave chased pushing past his friends and Katherine. "Hey! Wait! Stop! I just wanna talk to you!" Hongseok called out to Alice, but she continued on and didn't stop.

"I hope your friend is a fast runner." Shinwon mentioned to Katherine as Yanan shook his head. "No, that's not it, Shinwon. It should be that 'I hope your friend has good stamina'." "I'm not sure." Katherine admitted as Lynn appeared next to them a bit annoyed. "How did it go? I hope I didn't miss anything. Some couple were asking me to take photos for them, but they totally could do it themselves." Katherine looked over at Lynn. "I have no idea, but Hongseok's chasing Alice and I hope she doesn't get caught." "Well that's her plan, not mine. So she has to deal with it." "True." "Let's go grab dinner." "Call."

~~~~~~~~~~

"Fuck my life." Alice repeated under her breath for the nth time as she continued to sprint through the campus in hopes of out running Hongseok, but remembered he actually worked out and would probably catch up in a minute. "I seriously did not think this all the way through." She told herself as she could feel her lungs burning and legs growing tired since the adrenaline rush was winding down. "You can do it." She psyched herself upon hearing his footsteps not that far behind her. "Just find a fuckin' place to hide before he can spot you." She scolded herself as she stuck the phone into one of the cardigan's pockets for safekeeping.

A few seconds later Alice felt Hongseok clutched onto the back part of the fabric and she panicked by trying to pull herself ahead so that he couldn't get a firm grip. Unfortunately for Alice her condition was becoming weary and she could feel the strong grip of his holding onto the fabric with ease and preventing her from moving quickly. So on impulsive she slid her body from out of the cardigan to free herself and ran off without her mobile device with the last burst of energy she could muster to not get caught by Hongseok who eventually slowed down in confusion upon her behavior.

He bent over holding onto his knees as he caught his breath. Hongseok looked up to see Alice's figure getting smaller and smaller before turning a corner and disappearing altogether. "She's faster than I thought." He said once he caught his breath. Hongseok stood up right as he looked down at his cardigan and noticed that one side was drooping lower than the other side and checked the pockets. He chuckled as he pulled out her mobile phone. "All of that running and it's still with me." Hongseook shook his head with another laugh. "She really must not want me to find out who she is, but now I really want to know who she is."

~~~~~~~~~~

Alice entered her dorm where it was only Jasmine who was finishing her homework in the living room. Jasmine looked up to see her friend without the cardigan and an angry expression on her face. "So I take it that it didn't go well?" "Yeah." Alice confirmed as she crashed onto the sofa. "My dumbass panicked when he grabbed me from behind and I took off the stupid cardigan that had my phone in it to run away without him seeing how I looked like." Jasmine shook her head with a smile as she returned back to her notes before her. "I don't know why you're so worried about him knowing who you are when you've slept with him already."

"Because I told him I would never sleep with him even if I was drunk and wasted if the moment for it to happen ever occurred." Alice admitted as she lied on the sofa while Jasmine looked over her shoulder at her friend. "Really? When did you say that?" "Last semester." "Is that the first time you've had class with him?" "No. I had two classes with him my freshmen year. Also I was going to have a class with him this semester, but I switched out to another at the last minute." "How come you never told us?" Because I thought I would be able to get my phone back." Alice rolled onto her stomach, but her face was still facing Jasmine.

"Hongseok and I were paired up for this Chinese class last semester and I was getting fed up with all the girls in our class coming to bother us, well Hongseok, whenever we were working on our joint assignments." "Mmhmm." "Hongseok made a comment that I was getting jealous or something like that when I told the girls to stop bothering us halfway through the course. I told him that I wasn't jealous and didn't even like him." "But you did like him didn't you?" "To a degree, yes, Jasmine, but his reputation bothered me and so I didn't act on my feelings for the guy because of it."

"Uh huh and then what after that?" "Anyways, he said that I was lying as every girl likes him and all I had to do was just say these stupid magic words or whatever and I could experience the full experience of what every girl wanted to experience with him or whatever it is he does with them. Och, so annoying." Alice huffed before speaking again. "Then I said those words before telling the teacher to switch me with someone else the next day." "Were you able to switch partners?" "Yeah after that assignment was over." Alice let out a sigh as she maneuvered onto her back this time and stared up at the ceiling.

Jasmine cast Alice a sympathetic look. "How did he respond to that?" "Not sure since he only showed up whenever we had tests and I was more worry about my grade because my new partner was fuckin' hella dumb as fuck." "Wow. Not sure what to say about that except wow." Jasmine said with a shake of her head as she played with her pen while thinking of something. "Yeah, but it's whatever, Jasmine. Now I'm more worried as I don't even know how to get my phone back from Hongseok." Alice sighed once again as she turned onto her side facing away from Jasmine while closing her eyes to mope in her misery.

"I know you're phone is important, but what about your actual panties?" Jasmine asked a second later as Alice groaned since she had completely forgotten about that. "They were my favorite set, too. And hella expensive." "Ooh, so you went all out last night didn't you?" Jasmine chuckled poking her friend as Alice swiped at the air. "Shut up. You guys said it would be popping so I thought I would just make it count since it would be the only frat party I would attend in my college life." "True, but c'mon, Alice, it's a frat party and no one told you to take shots after shots and play all those drinking games." "I was just having fun."

Jasmine's phone dinged a few times and she checked the messages as a slow smiled creep onto her face. "I think I know how to get your phone and panties back." "How?" Alice asked not bothering to changed her posture. "Lynn and Katherine messaged that Phi Tau Gamma's having another party tonight in celebration for an event they held earlier today." "And?" "We attend the party, get someone to distract Hongseok long enough for you to sneak into his room and get your things back, and boom you're in the clear." "And if it isn't in his room?" "I doubt he would be carrying them with him." "Then what makes you think his room won't be locked?"

Jasmine grinned mischievously. "Well, Alice, we'll just have to wait and find out by going now, don't we?" "Ugh. I don't want to." "It'll be fun." "That's what you guys told me last night and looked at how much fun had caused me to be in my situation right now." "That was your own fault, but you'll be fine." "That's what you guys told me last night, too." Jasmine chuckled as she playfully slapped Alice's back. "Like I said, Alice, you'll be fine. It's not the end of the world." Alice remained quiet before letting out a puff of air as she finally turned to face her friend. "Fine, but we're definitely getting my things back for good." "Gotcha."

~~~~~~~~~~

"Ladies!" Hwitaek greeted the female quartet as the president of the fraternity he found it to be his duty to greet the guests. "Drinks are in the kitchen and out back whichever direction you're heading to." He grinned at them before speaking again. "There's some beer pong tournaments going on inside and outside and you're more than welcome to join in at any moment if you like. There's also a keg stand competition happening in about ten minutes in the living room if you're feeling it." "Aw hell yeah." Jasmine grinned. "I'm down." "Just head that way and you'll see someone in a gorilla costume taking sign-ups." "Cool."

Jasmine walked off leaving Alice to look at her betrayed. "This bitch." The other two laughed as they thanked Hwitaek before moving along to let the others behind them get inside. "So what now?" Katherine yelled over the music as Alice looked around as she was feeling a bit overwhelmed being back at the Phi Tau Gamma house so soon. "I dunno." Alice admitted with a defeated look. Before the other two could suggest something someone interrupted their moment. "Hey, ladies. Enjoying yourself?" Shinwon asked them as he noticed they didn't have anything in their hands. "Here."

Shinwon offered them three bottles of beer that were still sealed as the trio took it and Shinwon realized that Lynn was a part of the trio. "Oh hey you." He grinned at her before casting the other two a grin. "I'ma borrow your friend for a bit and return her later. Please do enjoy yourself." He dragged Lynn away before she could protest as Katherine and Alice looked at one another. "So I guess the plan will just have to work with just the two of us." Katherine shot Alice an awkward smile making Alice sigh. "It has to since I don't want to be here for that long anyways." Katherine dragged her towards the stairs. "Alright, let's do this."

~~~~~~~~~~

"What am I doing in your guys' meeting room, Shinwon?" Lynn asked the male when he shoved her into the large room that was off limits to everyone except the higher members of the fraternity. "Just chill. Here." Shinwon offered her a familiar phone as she shot him a look. "I told you earlier that I'm not writing anymore love notes to him." She pushed the phone back towards him, but Shinwon still pushed it towards her to take it. "Just take it one more time." "If you're pulling a prank on me, I swear that you're gonna be swimming with the fishes by tomorrow morning." "Just take it, Lynn." "Why?" "Because I care about your feelings."

Lynn scoffed. "If you did, Shinwon, then you wouldn't be doing this. I'm not gonna be hung up on one guy forever." "I care because you never confessed who you really were to him. How do you know he doesn't like you back?" Shinwon asked as Lynn stared at him. "Because I overheard him say that he already liked someone when a girl from our history class confessed to him a week ago." "How do you know that it's not you?" "Because he said she was from his math, writing, and science class, Shinwon. I only have history with him. Now get the fuck off my back and let me enjoy the party. Okay?"

Shinwon stared her down still with the offered phone between them. "Just write one last confession and tell him who you really are so that you can ease your heart and mind." Lynn was growing annoyed with the situation. "I don't want to, Shinwon. So stop trying to bring it up because I don't want to deal with it." "Stop running away, Lynn. For as long as I've known you, you usually just take care of it without bullshitting. Now you're bullshitting because you're afraid of rejection." "I'm not afraid of rejection." "Then what are you afraid of?" "That I won't get over him even if I know that he doesn't like me back." Lynn admitted with a sad tone.

He looked at his friend with a worried and sad expression as he pulled her in for a comforting hug. "Listen, Lynn. You won't know unless you handle it and take the risk." "I'm not helping you if you happened to be in a similar situation, Shinwon." She told him as Shinwon laughed. "Don't worry about that. Worry about yourself first." "You should be doing the same then." He chuckled as he released the female and Lynn smiled at him. "Thanks." "So does that mean you're going to make one last confession?" "Yeah for your sorry ass." "Love you, too." "Shut up." Shinwon laughed as Lynn took Yuto's phone from him one last time.

"I'll be back and check up on your later." He told her as he began to walk away before Lynn stopped him. "Wait, why am I in here?" "Because no one will disturb you because no one comes in this room except the ten of us in the higher positions." "That's dumb." The male laughed as he told her he'll be back in half an hour or so before leaving the room. Lynn sigh as she sat down at the table and placed her unopened bottle of beer off to the side not in the mood to drink it. She just stared at the phone where the note application was already opened and ready for her to type away.

"I hate that guy." She muttered despite a small smile appearing upon her lips. "Alright then. Just one last message revealing who I really am and Yuto can judge from there or not. Whatever he decides isn't up to me." She told herself as her fingertips hovered over the keyboard while her mind thought of what to write to him. "I don't know what to write." She sighed several minutes later as she pushed the phone away, placed her forearms onto the table, and rested her forehead against them with another sigh. Too absorbed in her moping she didn't hear the door opened and closed until she recognized his voice a second later. "So it's you."

~~~~~~~~~~

"Do you even remember which one is his?" Katherine asked Alice a moment later as the two maneuvered themselves through the hallways and lingering bodies here and there. "He has a poster on his door and I remember passing by four doors before I reached the stairs." Alice informed her friend as the two looked for the room with a poster on it. "Okay, like four doors in total or like four doors on the left or right side?" "Four doors on the left side because I was leaning against the wall to help me keep steady." "He must've fucked you pretty hard, Alice." "It was the headache from all the drinking." "Sure." "Shut up, Katherine."

Katherine chuckled before noticing the door with the poster on it once the duo passed by a few doors. "Oh, is this it?" She pointed as Alice turned to inspect if it was the right one. "I think so." Before Katherine could say something she heard the doorknob turning and she pushed her friend passed the door to the other side. Hongseok came out of it looking a bit stressed and made his way downstairs. Katherine had pressed Alice head against the wall so she didn't see Hongseok coming out of his room. "You can let me go now." She said as her friend released her. "Oh, yeah, sorry. Anyways, that's Hongseok's room."

"How do you know?" "He just came out of it." "Is that why you pushed me and practically shoved my head against the wall?" "Yeah." "Wow." "Whatever, Alice. Just go inside and I'll stand guard." "Seriously?" "Yes, seriously. Now go." "Fine." Alice reluctantly agreed as she gave Katherine her beer bottle before entering Hongseok's room and closing it behind her. She was welcomed by the semi-darkness with the moonlight casting it's glow from the only window in the room. "I'm surprised it's not locked, but I honestly hope my things are in here." She mumbled while steadying her beating heart and feeling around the walls for the light switch.

Alice found it a few seconds later as she took a minute to adjust to the brightness before surveying the room and saw that it was actually pretty clean and neat for a frat guy's room. Alice shook the thought away as she focused on the real reason why she was in the room in the first place. "Okay, Alice. Just find the damn phone and your expensive ass panties as fast as you can so that you can get the fuck out of here and back into your own damn bed." Alice scanned the room first before moving to where she noticed a phone on his bed and picked it up. She tapped the screen and was welcome by the familiar lock-screen. "Yes."

Alice tapped the screen again to enter her pass-code when she noticed that she had to wait due to the wrong pin being entered incorrectly ten times. "Goddammit, Hongseok." She muttered with a shake of her head a bit annoyed now that she had to wait to access it. "At least I got my phone back though." She smiled as she pocket the mobile device just as she heard the sound of a lock clicking. Alice tensed as she slowly turned to check the door and hoped she was hearing things. She wasn't as she saw Hongseok casually leaning against it with a satisfied smile and his hand on the doorknob. "So it was you."

~~~~~~~~~~

Lynn remained how she was as she knew Shinwon had set this all up and she just fell for it. "That mother fucker." She muttered as she heard a chair scraped against the hardwood floor and she glanced up to see that Yuto had took a seat across from her. They stared at one another without saying anything until Yuto coughed into his fist and directed his attention away from her. "Shinwon told me that I would finally meet the person who's been leaving the notes on my phone, but I didn't think it would be you." Lynn tilted her head in confusion. "What do you mean by that?"

Yuto returned his eyes back onto Lynn before looking down with an awkward smile gracing his face. "Um, well," He began as he scratched his head, "Its just that, it's you." "What about me?" "I thought you liked Shinwon." Yuto admitted as Lynn burst into a fit of laughter at the absurdity of ever dating Shinwon. Yuto gazed at her with a sheepish expression as he tried to understand the reaction she was expressing. "That's so funny. He and I would never work out. We're just really good friends." Lynn explained to Yuto who let out a relieved breath that she didn't notice.

Silence fell upon them once more as they sat there not talking and avoiding eye contact. Yuto remembered his phone and took a hold of it as Lynn watched him messed with it. "Y'know, Lynn, it stressed me out to have these notes on my phone where I had no idea who the person was or how they looked like." Yuto started talking as Lynn stayed quiet. "I couldn't put a concert voice or a face to any of these words, but I always thought about this one girl and hope it was maybe her leaving me these messages." Lynn bit her inner cheek to not feel envious of the girl he thought about and knew it couldn't be her.

"But now seeing you right before me, Lynn, it actually eases my heart and mind to know that the feelings are mutual." Yuto smiled at her as Lynn made a face between confusion, disbelief, and suspicion. "You're kidding right?" She scoffed as she folded her arms against her chest and leaned back in her chair. "I'm pretty sure Shinwon put you up to this, didn't he, Yuto?" Now it was Yuto who looked at her with a mixture of confusion and sadness. "What do you mean? Shinwon just told me to come here because he knew who was writing the secret love letters on my phone and I instantly agreed to it."

Lynn still didn't believe it. "Yuto, there's no way that you would like me back like this. It has to be a set up because it feels like a scene from a drama." Lynn continued on her reasoning. "Beside you told Sue that you liked another girl from your science, math, and writing class the other day. I only have you in history so you can't like me." Yuto chuckled as Lynn glared at him. "This isn't supposed to be funny, Yuto." "I'm sorry, Lynn, but I think you misheard me." "Oh, enlightened me then." Lynn rolled her eyes as she directed her eyes everywhere else, but on him.

Yuto leaned forward and rested his arms onto the table's surface while smiling at her. "I told Sue that I did like a girl that was in my math, science, and writing class." "I already said that." "Yes, but you assumed it was in my current classes. I'm taking neither of those classes this semester." "Wait, what? That makes no sense, Yuto." Lynn shot him a disbelief look as he chuckled at her facial expression. "The keyword is 'was', Lynn. I liked the girl who was in those three classes with me previously." He pointed a finger at her. "The girl I like is you." "No way. You're lying."

Lynn shook her head still not believing him as Yuto let out a sigh, but remained patient. "Okay, Lynn, last semester we had writing together, right?" Lynn nodded her head as Yuto continued with a small smile. "The year before that we also had math for the first semester and science for the second one. You were the girl in those classes that I liked even though you didn't pay attention to me and ignored me." "I ignore everyone, Yuto." "Very true." Yuto agreed, but cast her a knowing look. "But you didn't completely ignore me since you have feelings for me, too."

"I had." Lynn corrected, but she knew that wasn't so and she knew that Yuto probably knew that, too. "Right." He drawled with a slow smile as Lynn avoided eye contact with him, looked off to her left, and slouched in her chair. "So now you know who's been leaving the confessions onto your phone, Yuto. Can I go now?" Yuto let out a chuckle as he leaned forward with an amused expression. "Why do you wanna leave so soon, Lynn, when we're just getting to know one another better?" He placed his phone back onto the table. "I feel the same way and it's not one-sided, Lynn."

Lynn watched as Yuto stood, glanced away from her as he began making his way around the table while he continued to speak, and tapped his fingertips against the table in the process. "So this changes everything because I do like you, too, and you can't leave not when I've been stressing for the past year wondering who my secret admirer was when it was you all along." He stopped near her chair as he leaned down to gaze at her while Lynn leaned away from the male due to their proximity. He chuckled as he placed both hands onto the arms of the chair and maneuvered it so that the chair and Lynn was facing him.

"So what do you say, Lynn? Do you want to leave now?" "Yeah." Lynn answered in a neutral tone with an equally neutral expression causing Yuto's face to fall and he let out a sigh while backing away and stranding up right again. "Alright." He motioned towards the door. "You know how to find your way out." Lynn got out of the chair and slightly stretched her limbs. "Yeah, but which way is the bathroom because I need to pee." "Wait, what?" Yuto asked confused as Lynn smiled at him. "I need to use your bathroom, but now that I think about it I may just go back to my dorm and used my own toilet instead."

Yuto still looked at her clueless about the change of topics as Lynn laughed at his cute expression. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to mess with you, Yuto." Yuto seemed to recovered upon hearing that. "Wait a minute. So you just wanted to leave to use the bathroom?" "Yeah." "Not because you didn't like me anymore and wanna give us a chance?" "I mean Shinwon did work hard to get the both of us together so I guess we can since it's out in the open." Yuto let out a relieved breath as he smiled. "I'm happy to know that." "Anyways, Yuto, wanna walk me back to my dorm and probably get to know each other better?" "Yeah, Lynn, I would love to."

~~~~~~~~~~

Alice let out an awkward laugh. "What do you mean? I was looking for Changgu's room and clearly this isn't his so I'm gonna go now." She babbled saying the first name of a PTG's member with the same status as Hongseok that she remembered she had a class with this semester. Hongseok stepped into her path causing Alice to instantly back away with him still coming towards her and trapping her between his dresser and his body. Alice instantly planted both of her palms against his chest to keep an arm's length of space between them so that she didn't feel overwhelm by their sudden predicament. "Whoa, there. Back up."

The female tried to push him further back, but Hongseok barely budged as he smirked at her cute attempts of trying to keep him at bay. The male instead placed his hands on either side of her hips causing Alice to jerk back against the dresser before leaning against Hongseok a moment later out of habit of bumping into things. "I didn't know you were so eager to get back into my arms, Alice." "I'm not, Hongseok." She glared while trying to put some distance between the two of them again. "Could you like back up, please?" Alice asked as Hongseok slightly obliged because she asked him ever so nicely, but still kept his hands on her hips.

Alice felt his hands on her and she tried to pried his hands away, but it was futile. "Could you like not touch me?" She eyed him as Hongseok grinned smugly. "But I thought you love my touches." He slowly moved his hands from her hips to wrapped them around her waist and pulling her closer against him. "Even though you said you wouldn't sleep with me even if you were drunk and wasted if the chance for it to happen ever occurred." "The fuck? You actually remember?" Alice said with a suspicious face. "How could you remember that? That was last semester and I'm sure you've fucked a lot of other girls on campus to even remember that."

Hongseok rolled his eyes, but cast her a charming smile nevertheless. "Technically that's true, but you really hurt my feelings. So that's why I remembered your words, Alice." "I hurt you?" Alice scoffed with a shake of her head. "That's totally absurd, Hongseok. How could I have hurt you?" "Because you traded me for that dumb kid who sniffed his hands every time he scratched his head." Alice cast him a weird look. "Wait, Hongseok. Are you talking about Chinese class when I asked the teacher to switch partners after that incident at the library?" "Yeah." He replied in a salty tone.

Alice chuckled silently as she couldn't believe the words she was hearing. "You're telling me that you were salty about us no longer being partners in Chinese class and that was the reason why you barely showed up for the class?" "Yes." He stressed with an annoyed looked as Alice continued to laugh within his embrace. "Oh my god, this is so funny. The Hongseok was just salty that I didn't want to be his partner for a class and retaliated by not showing up for a majority of the class." "It's not that funny." "It is because there were plenty of other girls that wanted to be your partner." "Yeah, but they weren't you."

Alice held up a hand. "Hongseok, please don't." She said in a flat tone. "I don't need you to recite some drama scene bullshit that would distract me from our situation." She then frowned. "Which reminds me why were you able to come back into your room when my friend was supposed to be on the look-out to warn me?" Hongseok chuckled as he wrapped his arms tighter around Alice who suddenly remember their position and tried to squirm her way out of it, but it was of no use as Hongseok smiled. "Well, I saw your friend that pretended to be you earlier today and I explained our situation and she seemed fine with the explanation."

"Um, excuse you, but we don't have a situation." Alice informed as Hongseok laughed. "I beg to differ." He squeezed her tighter and Alice glared at him. "Can you stop squeezing me and give me some space, please? You're invading my personal space." "I'm pretty sure you didn't mind that last night." "I was intoxicated and clearly wasn't thinking right, Hongseok." "No, from what I recall, Alice, we were playing beer pong and you lost against a bet of us making out a second later." "No. I lost because you kept flashing your stupid abs causing my partner to be distracted by them and wanting to lose so she could make out with you."

"Clearly, I chose the better partner." "Wrong. You followed me around like a lost puppy wanting to play a game of King's Cup." "So you do remember what happened last night." Alice was about to countered, but saw the smug look that Hongseok was giving her and knew that he already knew that she did remember what went down last night. "Ugh. I knew I shouldn't have given in to the girls' pleas when they wanted to attend one of your stupid frat parties last night." "Well, Alice, I'm glad you did come." "So you can add me to your gallery of all the girls you've fucked during your college years, Hongseok?"

"When you put it like that of course it sounds horrible, but I had to distract myself from constantly thinking about you since we first had class together." "Seriously, don't be so cliche, Hongseok." "I'm being honest." "So basically you're telling me that you had sex with all of these girls so you would temporarily stop thinking about me?" "Yes." "Bullshit." "I know it's going to sound odd that I've liked you since then, Alice, but you never gave me the time of day and figured you didn't want anything to do with me." "Of course I wouldn't when your fangirls constantly followed you around and sent death glares at any other girl that was near you."

"Listen Alice. Why do you think I was always in the library when you were there." Hongseok confessed as Alice tilted her head in confusion while he continued to explain. "Because it was the only place where they wouldn't followed me to and your favorite place to hang out even if you've already gone there a few times. I would spend hours there to just get a moment with you even if we weren't spending it together." Alice was trying to process the information as she remembered seeing him there many times, but always disregarded the fact that he was actually there.

Alice rubbed her face as she was feeling overwhelmed and like that she was in a drama with what Hongseok has told her tonight. Hongseok removed his hold from around her waist and took a hold of Alice's hands to bring them away from her face. Alice watched as he brought their held hands to their sides just as he talked and she glanced back up to see his eyes staring into hers. "I know I'm not the most ideal guy or whatever with what my reputation is and all, but seeing how our situation has turned out like right now I really would like for us to have a chance to see how this would seriously go."

Hongseok released a deep breath before he squeezed her hand out of nervousness and trying to reassure himself a bit. "Will you at least try to see where we'll go, Alice?" Alice contemplated the possibilities and agreed with a nod. "Sure, Hongseok. I guess we can since we're already talking about it and it's out in the open between us now." He broke out into a silly grin as Alice gave him a judging look. "You look too happy right now." "Because you agreed to giving us a chance." "What if I take it back?" "Then I'll just have to share with the lower members your panties that you've left behind. Ow." He rubbed his chest where Alice punched him.

"Don't you dare. Those are my favorite pair and I would like them back." Alice told him with a firm look as Hongseok chuckled. "I was thinking of keeping them as a memento if our situation turns sour." "Ew, gross. Pervert." "Not if I wash them and frame it." "That's just creepy." Hongseok laughed as he wrapped his arms around her body and pulled Alice against him. "How about I give them back after we go on an official date right now?" "How about you give it to me now and we postponed our date and give me some more time to process all of this?" "No. It's better when it's fresh and ready to go." "You're unbelievable." "I know. So let's go."

~~~~~~~~~~

[v-hope]

"Could you come and get me?" ~ "Where are you? Tell me where you are"

Pairings: Kim Taehyung x Reader

Genre: Angst, fluff?

Word Count: 2.1k

Request: "tae comfort 5 and 6 pls"

A/N: When I first started writting I thought it was going to turn out short but joke's on me because my Tae biased ass couldn't help herself. I'm sorry (not really).

After the sixth time your phone vibrated in your purse, you couldn’t just keep ignoring it. Looking apologetically to your date, you stood up, excusing yourself so you could go to the restroom and see what was up. Once inside of it, you looked at your device.

Five missed calls from Jimin.

One text from an unknown number. Even though you had deleted said number months ago, you still knew it by heart – it was Taehyung’s.

You decided to take a look at your ex’s text first. “Could you come and get me?” was everything it said, making you frown. You had broken up four months ago and had lost all kind of contact during all that time. Even if you didn’t end things in bad terms, you weren’t on the best of them either. Getting rid of any kind of contact was the best way to move on – that’s why you were so taken aback by his sudden text.

Not replying to that, you decided to call Jimin instead, getting the feel both their attempts on reaching you were somehow connected.

“Y/N! Oh my God, finally” he let out a breath in what you took as relief.

“What happened?” you went straight to the point, not wanting to make your date wait for too long. You felt so impolite already.

“We kind of have a problem” he admitted. We? “Look, Tae hasn’t been coping too well with your guys' break up so we took him out to drink” you closed your eyes, knowing where this was heading to. Why would they give him alcohol? He was such a lightweight. “The thing is, he ran into one of your friends and she told him you were on a date with someone and, well... He was already kinda tipsy and now we kinda can’t find him anywhere”.

“Jimin, what the hell?!” you didn’t mean to raise your voice, but what else were you supposed to do?  “Why would you give him alcohol on the first place?!”

“I didn’t know his stupid ass would take off!” he immediately defended himself. “And we called him but he isn’t picking up” he then added. “He texted Joonie though, he said he won’t tell any of us where he is, only you, apparently”.

You sighed, so that was where the text came from. “Yeah, he may or may not have texted me asking me to go get him” you informed him.

“Could you do that?”

“I’m kind of on a date?” you reminded him.

“Please, Y/N?” he begged.

That’s how you ended up cutting your date short. You must have apologized to Young-jae at least ten times on your way back home. He just shook it off, telling you it was alright, which only made you feel worse. You had finally agreed on going out with him after you had been talking for a few weeks, only for it to get interrupted this way. Thanking him for the date and then getting off his car, you quickly made your way to yours. Just then taking your phone out again, dialling Tae’s number.

“Jagi?” his voice altogether with the pet name he gave you made your heart skip a beat.

“Where are you? Tell me where you are” you asked him straight away as you started the engine, trying your best  to repress your conflicted emotions.

“I don’t know” he slurred, his voice alone let you know he was already regretting his life decisions. “I’m like, two streets away from that pub we always went to”.

“Okay, go to the entrance. I’m picking you up” was all you said before hanging up.

You didn’t want to come out as rude, but you didn’t even know what you were feeling at that moment. You were worried about him, anything could’ve happened to him while being drunk and all alone on the streets. You were also mad at him for making you leave your date. As much as you tried to ignore it, you were relieved, knowing that the fact he was doing all of this because he found out you were seeing someone else meant he wasn’t over you yet. And, last but not least, you were confused, because of what it meant that you had dropped everything you were doing just to go get him – did that mean you were not over him either?

Well, it wasn’t that easy to get over a three year and a half relationship anyway. Even more if the reason you broke up was because of time and not because you had stopped loving each other. His schedule had been really tight for the last six months of your relationship, to the point it didn’t feel like you had a boyfriend anymore. It wasn’t his fault and you knew it, but you couldn’t help but get lonely. You never said anything, wanting to believe everything was going to get better, but in the end the two of you found yourselves helplessly drifting apart and decided to go your separated ways for good.

You could’ve tried harder.

It must have been twenty minutes since you called him when you made it to the pub. You could feel your heart race the moment you saw him standing there, waiting for you – you couldn’t help but ask yourself if you had made the right choice by agreeing to see him again. Stopping the car in front of him you didn’t even have to call out for him; he recognised your car, so he just started walking towards it, looking like a kid who was being picked up from school by his parents after getting into a fight.

“I’m sorry” he apologized first thing after having closed the door, his eyes glued to your face. He wasn’t going to miss the opportunity to take in how gorgeous you were.

He truly was sorry, for having you go all the way there just to get him. He knew his friends were inside and he could’ve left with them, but the moment he bumped into your friend and she told him you were seeing another guy, he felt like he couldn’t breathe; and that being mixed with the alcohol was not a good combination. He found himself practically running out of there, wanting to get away from everyone – at least from everyone but you, which is why he ended up messaging you without giving it a second thought. Now he just felt delusional.

“It’s okay” you simply said, wanting to keep any kind of contact with him to the minimum. You were there to take him home, not to talk.

I just wanted to see you, he wanted to say, but decided to keep quiet. He wasn’t drunk anymore; the effect of the alcohol had drained off the moment you had called him. He really didn’t think you would even read his text – yet here you were. After everything, you were still there for him when he needed you the most. He knew it was wrong of him but he couldn’t help to get his hopes up.

The ride to the dorms was quiet, the low music coming from the radio being the only source of sound. Your eyes were glued to the road, not once looking at him. Even if on the outside you seemed cool, you were freaking out on the inside. His presence itself made you feel vulnerable, letting you know you were definitely not ready to see him again – and you sure as hell were not over him yet.

“How did things go with him?” he asked suddenly, when there were only three streets left for you to arrive. His eyes travelled from the window to you.

“It was nice” you bit your lip, something you would always do whenever you were either uncomfortable or unsure about something, and he knew it. Sure, talking with him about your date with another guy wasn’t precisely your cup of tea.

Finally pulling up in front of his building, you looked at him for the first time during the whole ride, only to say goodbye. However, you noticed his head was lowered, as he stared at his fingers while fidgeting with them.

“We arrived” you informed him, and he just nodded, not bothering to look up. You didn’t know what else to tell him. You wanted him to get out already so you could get back to try and move on, because by having him next to you it felt like you had already lost all the poor advances you had made.

And it was the same for him – the only difference being he didn’t want to move on. No, he wanted you back.

“Do you like him?” he asked, his eyes meeting yours. You shrugged, looking to the side. He knew you didn’t want to talk about it with him and you were in all your right. He also knew his heart would hurt like hell if you didn’t tell him the answer he so desperately wanted to hear. Nevertheless, he kept pushing. “Did you move on already?” it was now his turn to look to the side. Even if he was the one to ask you, he wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer to that specific question.

Your eyes were instantly fixed on his figure. He looked so vulnerable and it hurt you seeing him like that. That being the reason you let your next words leave your mouth before you could think about them. “After weeks of him trying to ask me out, I said yes only to end up ditching him in the middle of our date because you asked me to go get you. What does that tell you?”

His head snapped towards you, his expression letting you know he was somewhat surprised and hopeful. Although your words had come out in a joke-like way, both of you knew how serious they actually were.

Clearing your throat, you finally pointed out the fact that he should get inside the building. That made him crash back into reality – a reality in which you were broken up. Nodding, he opened the door to do as you told him so. However, the moment he put a foot down on the pavement, realisation hit him. There was no way he was letting you go again.

“Can we talk about this? About us?” he spoke after turning around.

You bit your lip once again. “We are not doing this with you being drunk, Taehyung”.

“I am not drunk” he stated, making you cock one of your eyebrows, clearly not believing him. He sighed. “I swear to God I am not drunk, Y/N. And even if I were, I’d still want you back the same. I mean, I did call you when I was a drunk mess that couldn’t think straight”.

You laughed at his last remark, finally letting your guard down. And there it was, that warm feeling at the pit of your stomach, the damn butterflies making their appearance after all these months, and your heart racing once again. It was ridiculous all the things this man could make you feel at once.

“It’s been a long night, Tae” you sighed, not knowing what was making it so hard for you to just talk to him.

“Then let’s meet again tomorrow” he proposed, his eyes begging you in such way you found yourself being wrapped around his finger all over again. “I know it might be too late or too selfish of me but I want you back” he stated one more time. “I want to fix us. We didn’t try hard enough; our relationship deserved better”.

Taking one deep breath, you nodded. “Let’s talk tomorrow” you agreed, earning that beautiful boxy smile of his to be directed towards you.

“You promise?” he asked, he didn’t want to risk you going back home that night only to completely ignore him the next day, not being true to your word.

“I promise”.

Smiling once again, he got closer to you, sweetly kissing the corner of your lips for a brief second before finally making his way out of your car and into the building. Neither of you being able to erase the lovesick smiles displaying on your faces – knowing the next day would be a new one with the promise of a second chance.

[depechemodespiritera]

At 56, Depeche Mode bandleader Martin Gore no longer feels the need to pull any lyrical punches. So he gets right to the prickly, political point on the band’s latest Spirit set, starting with its clickety-clacking rhetorical question of a lead single “Where’s the Revolution,” with a grim societal accusation intoned in unusually ominous fashion by frontman Dave Gahan: “You’ve been kept down/ You’ve been pushed ‘round/ You’ve been lied to/ You’ve been fed truths/ Who’s making your decisions?” And the album – in scathing indictments of our corrupt, fossil-fuel-favoring, technology-dependent, extinction-bound culture – just gets angrier from there, in “Fail,” “Scum,” “Poorman,” “The Worst Crime,” and the drone-warfare-damning “Going Backwards,” which posits that “We can track it on a satellite/ See it all in black and white/ Watch men die in real time/ We have nothing inside.”

Gore didn’t set out to pen a set of turbulent protest songs that throb with the dark zeitgeist pulse of our post-Brexit-and-Russian-influenced-Trump-election times. It all arose from an instinctive gut feeling he had two years ago that something had gone wrong with humanity. Something horribly, perhaps irreversibly wrong. When he began composing the Spirit material at the end of 2015, none of these startling global U-turns had happened yet, he recalls. There were serious forebodings, to be sure. “The Syrian crisis was going on, which obviously led to the refugee crisis, the Russians had invaded Crimea, and there was a war going on in the Ukraine,” he sighs, in uncomfortably 20/20 hindsight. “It just seemed like we were getting into bad situations everywhere you looked. And there was that whole spate of police shootings in America – black people getting shot – so maybe I was feeling particularly sensitive or something. But I could feel something in the air that did not feel good.”

Gore also had the unusual vantage point of being a British expatriate who now resides in Santa Barbara, California. Gahan lives in New York, but keyboardist Andy Fletcher has remained in London, where his favorite non-touring activity is going down to his local pub every night and – having been kept up to date on world affairs by the less-biased coverage of BBC News – discussing political frustrations with his good mates. “That’s his thing, and I suppose once you’re a few pints in, those discussions get very lively,” Gore says of his childhood chum, who first formed Composition of Sound with him back in 1980, before adding Gahan (who changed their name to Depeche Mode) and releasing their frothy synth-pop debut Speak & Spell a year later. Whereas in America, he adds, “I do get into discussions with people, but they’re not quite as lively. But I have a 14-month-old and a six-week-old at the moment (with second wife Kerrilee Kaski; he has three kids with first wife Suzanne Boisvert), and the song “Eternal” on the new album I wrote for Johnnie Lee, my 14-month-old daughter, reflecting the EPA and climate change and stuff. And it was kind of serious, but almost meant to be a black comedy, as well, when it mentions the ‘black cloud rising’.” Considering the giant miasma of pollution hovering over China, and the current arms-proliferation posturing of North Korea, he sighs with parental chagrin. “But unfortunately, right now we’re in the middle of that. I mean, I’m not old enough to remember the Cuban missile crisis. But I feel that now we’re in a situation that’s almost as scary as that. Well, scarier because now it’s actually happening.”

When Fletcher first heard his friend’s thought-provoking new compositions, he remembers being somewhat taken aback. Especially considering the fact that Gore traditionally writes on acoustic guitar, which must have made the music sound even more like Dylan-skeletal protest anthems. “At the time, I think me and the producer (multi-instrumentalist James Ford, who also contributed drums on every cut) were a bit worried,” he says. “But then, as we recorded the album, the world situation got worse and worse. We had Brexit. And then Trump actually winning? And then Marine LePen, this hard right-winger, running for election in France, which is not good in a country that is so cosmopolitan? By the time we finished the album, we all thought it was a perfect time to release it. And I’ve always been interested in politics – it’s what I studied at school. So for me, everything that’s happened has been really interesting, and I have to admit that the chatter in the pub has gotten very good because of it.”

Fletcher gets his information from the London Times, the Financial Times, and, of course, the BBC, which he swears by. “The news in Britain is so much better than the news in the States, because you’re really only covering one thing at the moment, and that’s Trump. And all the other things happening in the world? They’re not really covered.” One of the toughest hurdles he ever had to deal with was when Gore relocated to far-off California, and the pair could no longer hang and ruminate on the day’s events, Earth-shattering or otherwise. “It’s weird, because Dave and I sort of connnect as brothers, but – like brothers – you don’t want to be in their company all the time,” he explains of how the Depeche Mode dynamic works. “But Martin is different – he’s been my best friend since age 11, and him moving to America was terrible for me, because it’s difficult, calling someone from London to Santa Barbara, when one person has just woken up and the other’s going to bed.”

What else is in Gore’s livid litany of pet peeves? “Hey – what have you got?” He chuckles. “Trump defunding the EPA and putting a man in charge who doesn’t even believe in climate change? It’s lunacy,” he growls, menacingly. “And unfortunately, he’s not the only one who’s a denier – you find them everywhere you go. And I always say to people, ‘Well, if you don’t believe in climate change, then why don’t we – just for caution’s sake – say that maybe it is happening? What do we have to lose?’” This directly inspired the deceptively gentle Spirit march “The Worst Crime”, which proposes public lynching as penance for ignoring, or harming, the environment (“Once there were solutions/ Now we have no excuses… we are all charged with treason”). “For me, the worst crime is destroying the planet,” Gore declares. “We have this great opportunity to change things, and we’ve had so much evidence, so much scientific proof for so long, but we keep choosing to not do anything about it. And it’s not just destroying the planet for us. It’s destroying it forever. And the system in America is just very, very flawed. I mean, I can’t quite work out when lobbying was a good idea, and why it still exists – and is accepted – I don’t understand, because it’s just so corrupt and so… so wrong. It must happen in other parts of the world, but nowhere near the extent that it does here.”

Even the most sonically-uplifting Spirit number, “Scum,” calls an unspecified antagonist on the carpet for being ‘hollow, shallow, and dead inside.’ Could it be a Wall Street hedge fund manager who bilked the middle class out of millions then walked away, scot free? Gore snickers. “That song is far more powerful if I don’t tell you who my ‘scum’ is,” he elaborates. “Because if I say, ‘It’s this person,’ then it kind of detracts from it, because when a listener hears a song, they put their own imagination to work on it, and then it becomes far more powerful.” But in the “Black Celebration”-ish thrummer “Poorman,” (“Hey, there’s no news/ Poorman’s still has got the blues/ He’s walking around in worn-out shoes/ With nothing to lose,” Gahan murmurs in his classic catacomb-cryptic croon), he demands more accountability. “Again, I think the system is completely screwed and flawed,” Gore says. “People should have gone to jail, but instead they’re getting called into the White House. And the song “Fail” is kind of the synopsis of the whole album, really.” As a species – mistakenly thinking it’s the entitled end product of evolution, “we’re not doing a very good job. We need to start finding the path again.”

Hence the ethereal album title, Gore adds. Some naysayers might describe the record as unequivocally pessimistic, but he respectfully disagrees – pay close attention to what Gahan is singing, and you might fidget uneasily in your seat. “But Spirit is quite realistic – I’m being realistic about what’s going on at the moment, and kind of pointing things out. And by naming it Spirit, I’m hoping that it gets people to think, and maybe somehow rediscover that sense of spirit that we once had, but now seem to have lost.” Mention that DEVO predicted this – humanity’s atavistic de-evolution – four decades ago, and he laughs softly, almost to himself. Everyone’s obsession with their personal device is not only a mass distraction, he believes, but an omen of some kind of impending Apocalypse. “With all of our technological advances and the way we’re using them, it’s, uh, not turning out so well for humankind,” he says. “The only thing that’s headed in the right direction at the moment is medicine. We are getting breakthroughs in medicine, although if we end up in some nuclear holocaust, the medicine’s not going to help us as much.  So I think that if we don’t destroy ourselves, we could get to a point where we’re actually able to live for a lot longer.” He pauses to let out a protracted sigh. “But I don’t know what that would actually do for our species, either.”

Fletcher is more optimistic. From an almost scholarly distance, he analyzes England’s recent Brexit snafu, wherein non-London outliers were roiled into enough of a xenophobic frenzy, they essentially voted against their own self-interest to leave the European Union. “The crazy thing is, it was all the villages across Britain – who don’t have any migrants – who voted for Brexit,” he says. “And the fact is, it was a 50/50 vote, and I think any major constitutional change should be more like 60/40, or even 70/30, not 50/50. But I’m not that doom-y about all this stuff. You get stages where things like this happen, so I don’t think the world is any closer to coming to an end.” He has hope, then? “I do, really,” he replies. I mean, what will Trump be able to achieve? Not much through Congress. The only way he can cause a bit of trouble is as Commander in Chief. So yes, this album is pretty angry, but we do normally write about these subjects, but we usually use sex and religion to get the point across. It’s just that Spirit is very direct, although we had one album, Construction Time Again, which was this direct, as well.”

Fletcher also secretly enjoys all of the intrinsic irony involved. Whereas Depeche Mode began as a percolating danceable outfit, it gradually streamlined itself into a sleek, undulating serpent of a synth-rock machine that purred like a long, black hearse leading a funeral procession, aided immensely by Gahan’s ebony-garbed, drone-voiced stage persona. Gore-sculpted songs like “Strangelove,” “Personal Jesus,” “Behind the Wheel,” and “Shake the Disease” straddled the aesthetic line between Goth, New Wave, and industrial, and the band’s diverse audience grew accordingly. And – no matter how grim the trio gets – Fletcher says, “there’s always a lot of people clapping their hands and singing along. And in fact, we got the best reviews we’ve ever had in our career for Spirit, and Depeche Mode generally doesn’t get good reviews. The way our music is made, you need to listen to it a lot of times – you can’t just listen to it twice and then do a review of it. I remember our album Violator – which is a 10 out of 10 record in anyone’s book – just getting average reviews when it came out.

“But we put on good shows, we make good records,” he continues, “And for some weird reason, we’re in our 50s but we seem to be more popular than we ever were. So we’re in a very lucky position – we’ve got loads of our old fans, and they still buy CDs. And then we’re picking up young fans, as well. I mean, we can’t do anything wrong! This American tour sold out faster than our last two tours, and I can’t work out why – I mean, it’s a similar tour, but it’s just gone through the roof. And we’re not a high-profile band – we’re not on the magazines or in newspapers. I just can’t work it out.” And Depeche Mode is one of the few bands from the post-punk era that’s not currently out on an advertised retro tour, playing some vintage cornerstone from its decades-old past, note for note. The group is as relevant – and thought-provoking – as ever these days.

And the three musicians still work well together as a collective. Gahan – who also put out the occasional solo effort – co-wrote four less-political tracks on Spirit, “You Move,” “Cover Me,” “Poison Heart,” and “No More (This Is the Last Time).” “And I used my usual range of analog synths, guitars, and everything came together really fast – we mixed the record on our third session,” Fletcher says, citing Ford’s studio assistance as crucial. But I think technology makes your job harder, not easier, because it gives you hundreds more options. And now there’s this situation with all the superstar DJs,” adds the musician, who still books old-school DJ gigs himself. “In the old days, a promoter would have gotten some young bands to play, but now it’s some superstar DJ who just uses his laptop. And the fact is, it’s replacing bands now – it’s a very unhealthy situation, and for young bands at the moment, it’s just terrible now. Record sales are embarrassingly low, you’re not given any tour support from record companies, so the income available is almost nonexistent. That’s why we no longer get hundreds of great rock bands around the place.”

Gore has yet to see Mike Judge’s hilarious satire Idiocracy, in which Luke Wilson – playing a man of average intelligence from our era – is accidentally frozen in cryogenic slumber for 500 years, during which so many stupid people keep mindlessly breeding that, when he’s awakened in the Great Landfill Collapse – he’s the smartest man in the world. The director’s vision for the future is as grimly dystopian as Gore’s on Spirit, save the public execution “Worst Crime” part. But he has one thing to thank for the album’s relevance, which increases every scandal-beset day. “The American electoral process is so long, the beginning of it had only just started when I began writing this record,” he says. “And it just takes soooo long over here, doesn’t it? It gets so long and dragged out that everyone’s just completely bored with it by the end.” It gave the dirges time to grow, take on even creepier, bigger metaphorical meaning. Or, as Fletcher succinctly puts it, “it’s not like every one of our albums is like this. But I think it’s good that a band like Depeche Mode does a record like Spirit. And people can’t say that we’re jumping on a bandwagon, because, Hey – the songs were written two years ago!”

– By Tom Lanham

Appearing 8/30 at Hollywood Casino Amphitheater, Tinley Park.

[junker-town]

Devin Booker was a textbook type of All-Star snub

Devin Booker should have been an All-Star in 2020.

When a player has a reputation, it often takes more than half a season to shed it. Luckily, an injury gave Booker the honor he deserved.

Devin Booker has a rep, and it’s the worst kind a prospective NBA star can have. He’s often seen as a no-defense, shot-jacking, empty-stat-hunting young player who cares more about his own numbers than actually trying to win.

The Suns’ abysmal record during Booker’s tenure is evidence enough for some, but his negative image is built on more than just the standings. His 70-point performance in a double-digit loss to Boston in 2017 was met with derision instead of appreciation by his opponents. More recently, he was widely mocked when an offseason training video showed him complaining about being double teamed during a pickup game.

I’m not here to adjudicate that past. But if the purpose of the All-Star Game is to reward the 12 best players in each conference this season irrespective of prior ones, it was wrong to initially leave Booker off the team. At least Damian Lillard’s last-minute injury allowed the NBA to rectify that wrong and name Booker as an injury replacement.

Phoenix’s Devin Booker has been selected to replace Damian Lillard in the 2020 NBA All-Star Game.

— Shams Charania (@ShamsCharania) February 13, 2020

The fact that he wasn’t initially named a reserve, though, shows me that new facts often race ahead of a player’s larger story. Booker was punished for transgressions that occurred outside the statute of limitations. He may be rewarded later in his career when he should’ve been rewarded now, but he shouldn’t need that make-up call.

This year’s Devin Booker does not resemble the rep he’s been given in the past

Let’s be clear: missing out on the NBA’s midseason classic would not have been a grave injustice. To put it in perspective, we’re talking about the difference between the 12th- and 13th-best player in a conference in any given season. Attaching the general manager’s name on an official statement of condemnation did little more than give Booker and a few select fans the briefest of dopamine hits. (The same point applies double to Bradley Beal, whose surrogates are working overtime after he was left off the East team). Injury replacements happen all the time, and history won’t remember the difference.

That said, this year’s Devin Booker does not resemble the rep he’s been given in the past. He’s dramatically upped his scoring efficiency while taking more shots near the basket and wedging his way to the free-throw line. Phoenix’s offense drops from a potent 113.6 points per 100 possessions to a ghastly 100.8 when he goes to the bench, one of the widest swings in the league. His moves are more purposeful, he’s dribbling aimlessly less often, and he’s appropriately wedging his prodigious scoring ability into a larger Phoenix structure despite not having much supplementary floor spacing around him.

He’s still not a great defender, but has put in much more effort on that end than in years past.

And while the Suns still aren’t a playoff team, they have displayed enough core competency to keep themselves in the mix despite numerous injuries and DeAndre Ayton’s 25-game drug suspension. They aren’t world-beaters, but Booker has elevated them to a meaningfully higher level than he did in past years.

That wasn’t enough to initially sway West coaches, who valued winning (Donovan Mitchell) and name recognition (Russell Westbrook, Chris Paul) for the final three pre-Lillard injury guard spots. Reasonable minds can split hairs between these four excellent players, but the fact that Booker was the one who fell short underscores one unfortunate reality of selecting the league’s best players halfway through a single season. A process designed to stay within a narrow context instead encompasses a much larger period of time that punishes some players for perceived past sins and overly rewards others for incumbency.

Because of that, Booker’s meaningful improvements this season were not given the respect they deserve. Consider one key indicator of empty-stat production: ball hoggery. The more one player has the ball, the less others have it, and thus the more they can put up numbers that benefit themselves while sidelining everyone else.

Booker’s ball-hoggery metrics have changed dramatically this season. Last year, more than 54 percent of his shots came after he took more than three dribbles, and nearly 24 percent came after he pounded the rock more than six times. This season, those numbers are down to 45 percent and 16 percent, respectively. His average touch time has dropped from 4.76 seconds — a top-10 mark among players 6’4 and taller — to 4.1 seconds. Less than 20 percent of his shot attempts come after holding the ball for at least six seconds, compared to nearly 29 percent last season.

Adding a real point guard in Ricky Rubio has taken ball-handling pressure off Booker, and new coach Monty Williams’ Flex offense also takes more advantage of Booker’s size on quick post duck-ins than previous systems. He gets many more hoops like this than he ever did in the past.

But Booker himself has also become more efficient in his movements. He is much stronger powering to the basket, requiring less dancing back and forth to get his man out of position. There’s a reason his shooting efficiency is rising to elite levels despite a drop in three-point attempts.

The great irony of Double-Team Gate is that Booker has also become a master at reading traps and making productive passes out of them.

Though his overall assist numbers are flat, the passes he does make are leading to many more assisted hoops than the ones he made last season. His secondary assists — passes that lead to the assist — are up, as are his assist chances and the total points per game his teammates get off his assists. We’ve also seen many more dishes like this that don’t show up in any form of a box score, but are invaluable in triggering the collective ball movement that makes everyone feel more involved in the play.

There’s still room for Booker to improve in these areas, as there is with his defensive effort. But the idea that Booker deserved to miss the All-Star Game because his prodigious numbers were emptier than his peers this season doesn’t pass the muster once you dig deeper. And by the way, those numbers are prodigious.

Devin Booker is the first player in NBA history to average at least 27 points and 6 assists on 60% TS and miss the All-Star game. But don't worry. He's coming for that All-NBA slot...

— Wam Wooper (@scooperhoops) January 30, 2020

Mitchell, Paul, and Westbrook all collected more wins, but only Paul approaches Booker’s singular importance to his team, and Paul isn’t producing at Booker’s individual level. The Jazz still marginally outscore opponents with Mitchell on the bench, while the Rockets outscore opponents by more points per 100 possessions with Westbrook on the bench. (That gap is shrinking, but it still exists). Booker also is putting up better and more meaningful numbers than Brandon Ingram, who is starring on a worse team that relies on him less than the Suns rely on Booker. (It’s unclear if positional designation mattered for All-Star reserve selections. If so, Ingram wasn’t directly competing for a spot with Booker).

Booker’s profile is comparable in rough strokes to a similar snub in Beal, but a deeper look shows that Beal is scoring less efficiently while playing worse defense and making (at least statistically) a less significant individual impact on a worse team. If you think Beal belonged over Kyle Lowry, I won’t argue with you, but Booker’s All-Star case is much more airtight if we’re just considering this season.

And therein lies the rub. All-Star selections are never just about this season in practice even though they’re designed that way in theory. They represent status and legacy, not to mention financial reward in some cases. One-time appearances by non-star players are routinely mocked in hindsight, even though the honor is supposed to only measure a player’s success in the first 60ish percent of that season. The nature of the game itself even becomes a factor: a more subtle artist like Rudy Gobert will look like a fish out of water even though he’s been one of the 12 most valuable players in the West for years now. The convoluted selection process has smoothed over some obvious biases, but it’s also created a voting body that measures value in too many different ways for the entire process to feel coherent.

When all that happens, conservatism tends to win the day. It takes more than half a season to convince most of us that a player has changed, for better or for worse. That’s a sensible approach if the goal of the All-Star Game is to reflect the best players in the NBA independent of time. If it’s any consolation to Booker, chances are he’ll make up the All-Star appearance he initially missed this year with a reputational selection later in his career.

But in literal terms, the goal of the All-Star Game is to recognize the 12 best seasons to date in each conference. Otherwise, why name new All-Stars each year? And by that measure, it was unfathomable not to initially include Devin Booker this year.

[kookienomster3]

I Want The Headline (Pt. 48)

Written By: suga-of-daegu BTS Fanfiction Angst WARNING: MATURE CONTENT Mafia/Gang

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50

“I don’t remember why I love her.”

Taehyung eyed Jungkook oddly, head tilting to the side. That certainly wasn’t a conversation he anticipated having. The older of the two licked his lips, handcuffs clinking together as he raised his hands up to scratch at this temple. The room was too warm, he noted, and warm temperatures tended to make Jungkook rather testy. He’d have to be careful with his wording.

He had wondered when his brother was finally going to go pay him a visit. In the past Jungkook was rather speedy in getting his father to get the other organization members free, but right now it looked like he was stalling. Taehyung’s eyes boredly passed over the slouch in Jungkook’s shoulders; he’d bet money it had everything to do with you. He should have killed you when he had the chance. Whatever the hell you were doing or saying to Jungkook was clouding his judgement.

The family came first. That was the first rule.

Had he forgotten the rules so quickly?

“Jungkookie.” Taehyung’s low voice rumbled. Jungkook lifted his gaze to Taehyung’s unusually stern expression. Why did it sound like he was about to be scolded? Perhaps voicing his troubles with you to Tae wasn’t the best of ideas, but there was no one else to talk to about them. Didn’t you say talking things out was the best way? Quietly, the man studied his younger brother. Jungkook had dark bags under his eyes, ruffled hair partially hidden under a knit cap and rumpled clothes concealed by his jacket. “What are the rules?”

“Number one: Family first.” He whispered softly,“The boss before all.” He added after a breath. His head bowed, a bit shameful that he had broken the first rule so easily. How had he gone so long without being punished for it? Jungkook fell silent, hands wringing together as he struggled to continue. He knew he had broken the second rule as well. “Tae, I-”

“Number two, Jungkook.” Taehyung hissed. “What’s the second rule?”

“If they’re not family, they’re the enemy.” He mumbled gruffly. His hands started to sweat; yes, your weren’t in the family technically, but you were there. You were with them, shouldn’t that have meant something? Jungkook considered you family couldn’t that be enough? He licked his lips, Taehyung was just going to make him list all the rules.

All the reasons why he shouldn’t be wasting his time with you.

But the rules were just rules, they didn’t take into account how he felt. Or at least, how he thought he felt. Tae nodded slowly,“She’s not family. Three?”

“If it’s for only you, then it’s not for the family and it needs to be cut out.”

Taehyung held his hands up smugly, an arrogant gaze plastered across his face as he shook the handcuffs on his wrists. “You’ve been stomping all over that rule, haven’t you? Four?”

“The boss’ word is law.”

“Hm, I’m pretty sure Namjoon’s told you to stay away from her or something along those lines and yet..you’re still chasing her down even when she’s trying to avoid you. Five?”

“You don’t leave family.”

Taehyung laughed out loud, dramatically looking around the small conference room. “And where the fuck is the family? Stuck in this shithole while you dance around town. You’re on a roll with breaking the rules, Jungkookie. I don’t even think Namjoon’s favoritism towards you is gonna keep you safe. Six?”

Jungkook closed his eyes. He didn’t want to reminded of how he had broken this rule. “You don’t cross family.”

Surprisingly, Taehyung didn’t give an examples, instead just moving onto the final rule. It wasn’t always a rule, it only sprang up after Namjoon had announced that he wanted Jungkook to one day take his place. Many members had been angered by the biased addition, but Namjoon had made it simple and clear.

And left no room for argument.

Taehyung blankly stared across the table at the suddenly pale man. “Seven?”

“Jeon Jungkook can never leave the family.”

“I think by breaking all the previous rules, you’ve pretty much broken the last one, don’t you think?” Tae scratched his chin,“But you’re family and we protect each other. You know this, I know it, Namjoon hyung knows it.” He rubbed at his eyebrow,“Before all this shit happened, Namjoon and I were talking about the girl. She’s…there’s something wrong with her. There something wrong with the whole way she came into our group.” Tae watched his younger brother lift his head up curiously,“Choi Yoongi traded her for a ring; his fiancee’s ring. It’s fucking weird, but I guess he loved her that much, I don’t know. She said she didn’t know Yoongi at all and that she was abducted on account of her brother, Jin. Then she’s put in the Waiting Room because what the fuck else are we supposed to with her, right? And the first thing she does is pick you out of everyone in that book, weird right?” He leaned forward lowering his voice,

“Not only does she pick you, she fucking attaches to you and pretty soon all you’re doing is seeing, breathing, thinking, speaking about her. At first, I didn’t pay any attention to it, but after watching her and how she acted, she reminded me of someone. Remember Yojun?”

Jungkook furrowed his brows, “I..I don’t think so.”

“Well, Yojun worked for Choi, he said he was a lower ranking, but he saw some things.. gave up a few secrets on his own that proved useful and Namjoon left him in. Yojun got to know almost everyone in the organization. He spent a lot of time downtown with the Jungkook posed as a busboy. Those two were always together. You probably don’t know him, you never talk to anyone. Well fast forward to the warehouse before the fucking devil, Hoseok showed up; who’s she crying all over? Big brother Jin.” Taehyung hissed,“Who looks an awful lot like Yojun who had just disappeared one day.”

Jungkook felt his heartbeat speed up. It made too much sense. He angrily ripped his hat off, throwing it at his feet. A burning sensation built up behind his eyes, but he grit his teeth holding it back. Now wasn’t the time to cry like some hurt little kid. “Her brother told her to choose ‘Jungkook’ in the Waiting Room?”

“And she fucking picked the wrong one.” Taehyung murmured,“Hence why she stuck to you so quick and tried to skip as soon as she saw what you were really like.”

“She said she loves me.”

The handcuffed man softly whispered as he met Jungkook’s confused stare. “I’m sure she doesn’t know why she supposedly loves you.”

Jungkook shook his head, burying his face in his hands. “She knows why.” he muttered,“She knows exactly why and exactly when. She might have picked me by mistake, but she’s been with me. She knows me and what I’m like and she still said she loves me. She loves me and I..I don’t know how I feel about her.” He bit his bottom lip harshly,“I..I’ve spent so much time and energy trying to get her back and now I can’t even look at her. I can’t talk to her. I can’t kill her or drop her off somewhere or send her to someone else. I don’t know what to do after this. I don’t know what to do with her.”

“The rules, Jungkookie. She’s not family, she needs to be cut out. You can’t just let her go. I’m not going to force you to kill her, but someone has to.” Tae reminded him carefully,“She knows too much about us. She knows too much about both sides.” He worked his hands inside the cuff, absently trying to slip his wrists through them. “You’re the only one on our side who wants her around, but now..you’re not even too sure.” Taehyung subtly shifted his chair back,“Give her to Min.”

“What?” Jungkook blurted out. Yes, he was unsure of what to do with you, but that didn’t mean that his only option was to hand you over to Min Yoongi?

Taehyung blinked slowly,“Jimin is dead and I think she was the one who did it.”

“What makes you so sure? What is your point?”

“She was the last person with him..Something was wrong with him, but then the raid started and I had to go. I left them a gun for protection and when the smoke’s all cleared away he’s dead and she in hysterics.” Taehyung pensively studied the handcuffs,“You didn’t see Jimin like how he was in that room, but he was off. I think he wanted it and she gave it to him. Either way, he’s dead and it’s her fault…and Min’s got a code.”

“I’m not giving her over to Yoongi so she can be killed.” Jungkook growled,“He’s fucking hurt her enough.”

Taehyung sighed loudly, “Didn’t you come to me because you’re confused and need help? Why are you throwing out all my ideas?” Suddenly, the man slammed his hands down onto the table between them,“I’m trying to pretend I give two shits about that bitch, but you’re making it hard Jungkookie. Fucking kill her and everything will be fine again. Park Jimin wanted her dead for a reason,” Taehyung murmured, “And the more I see her, the more I think that whatever reason he had was a pretty damn good one.”

“She hasn’t done anything to anyone!”

“Stop defending her!” Taehyung shouted,“You don’t even know why you’re still around her, stop defending her! You gonna start defending Min fucking Yoongi now, too? Shut your damn mouth and pull your head out of your ass, Jungkook! You don’t owe her anything! The only people you owe are your family! Us! And you’re fucking letting us rot in here, while you play butler to some little bitch who should have died months ago!”

“Tae-”

“Don’t 'Tae’ me, I’m about ready to kill you my damn self for turning on us! We fucking raised you and as soon as some little whore spits out shit about love you’re abandoning us!”

“I didn’t turn on you guys!” He protested, “You’re all still my family, you’re all still first-”

“You came here to talk to me about a girl, Jungkook.” He seethed,“You don’t give a shit about the family.”

“I do!”

“Prove it.”

“What the fuck do you want me to do!?” He yelled,“I’m going to get everyone out. I-I think I’m done with Y/N-”

“You think?” He repeated slowly,“When we’re out, you’re done and she’s Min’s or she’s dead. That’s how you’ll prove it.” Taehyung saw Jungkook’s mouth snap shut, wide eyes unsure. “You’ve got a week to get us out or when we finally do I’m killing her and you if you’re not already dead. You have a week to decide who’s really your family.”

Jungkook sighed heavily,“Tae, can’t I prove it some other-”

Taehyung scoffed at him, standing up from his seat and heading to the door, “You’re not my brother.”

“Tae-!”

“You’re not my brother.”

[saitou-shuka]

shukamod @ First Live LV [1 of 4]

This post covers what I did before the LV and the LV itself up to the first six songs in the setlist!

Hi everyone! This is a post that’s been long overdue and I truly apologize. Many things have happened over the past week, including tons of schoolwork, more than one all-nighter, more than one 14-hour-sleep day, and me snapping my chair in half cheering too hard for Shuka, among other things... not to mention general laziness and procrastinating on Discord :))))

Excuses aside, I know at least a few people were curious on my thoughts about the Live Viewing. I wasn’t actually sure how I wanted to write the post another reason it was delayed so much ... It kind of turned into a strange diary-style post about my entire experience. Hope you guys don’t mind hearing about my weekend too...

I’m also terrible at summarizing, so the whole thing got super super long. So long that I’m splitting it up into four parts. (This way you don’t need to wait for me to finish writing everything, too...) Each individual part is still extremely long, so under a cut it goes~

Sorry for the page stretcher, mobile-users ( ‾▿‾ ;;)

The Day Before Our LV was at 12pm on a Sunday. Turns out the earliest bus from where I live doesn’t actually reach NYC until 11:50am on Sunday (... lol), so I resigned myself to arriving in New York on Saturday and paying to stay the night. My friends and I ended up buying tickets for a five-hour bus ride leaving at 7am on Saturday (rip sleep) so we could have time to hang out with the /r/LoveLive Discord community later in the day. It was really lit! We went to karaoke, which was tons of fun, and then had KBBQ for dinner. Thanks to everyone who made sure I ate properly for dinner ;__; I made sure to eat a lot to honor the price tag on the buffet  (•̀ ∀ •́)ﻭ✧ I was actually super sleepy that day, so my bad if I seemed super quiet or dead ( ‾▿‾ ;;)

Also: It was cold it was cold it was cold it was so cold that day fml

The Day of: Pre-LV I think my friends and I left for the theater around 8am? On our way there we decided it would probably be wise to actually eat breakfast, so we stopped at an IHOP and met up with a bunch of people from the Discord community again. It was kind of difficult for IHOP to serve all of us quickly, so we didn’t get to the venue until like 10am instead of 9 or 9:30am like I was hoping for. There was already a sizable line forming by then. I handed out a bunch of call guides and UOs, as well as a couple of handwarmers (because it was still cold af) to people, and then we put the banner on the ground for people to sign. Thanks to everyone who signed the banner! I don’t really remember what else happened in line because I was trying to do so many things at once lol...

The theater let us inside earlier than expected (thank youuuu). Everyone was inside by about 11am. I was already super excited at this point. My group and I picked seats in the middle-back behind a railing. During the LV I leaned over this railing like Chika in Episode 2 more than a few times and people were afraid that I was going to fall off. After I got my stuff all settled, we set up a speaker to play Aqours music. Then at some point I got bullied into going up in front of everyone in the theater with a megaphone and introducing myself OTL

I got to talk to a few new faces too! I think it was @keipointo​ who greeted me first? I awkwardly offered to shake hands because I didn’t know what to say :’))) My bad. Also had a brief exchange with one of @takatsuking​‘s friends, which was nice! (waaaa I didn’t catch your name I’m sorry ;__;) I was probably also awkward then aaaaaaa I’m bad at one-on-ones Thanks for taking the time to greet me, all of you! :D

And now onto the Live itself, finally ꉂ(･∀･ゝ ≡ ･∀･)ゝ

Some background. We only saw Day 1 of the Live, since none of the American venues offered Day 2 viewings. I was already pretty much spoiled for the events for both days of the live due to Twitter, but being able to see it in person on a giant screen was still a whole different experience altogether. It’s a sensory overload, to say the least. Yokohama Arena is soooo pretty. It’s kind of hard to describe the structure in words, but there’s a main stage with steps and a screen in the back for displaying camera shots and special effects, like so:

... which is connected to a circular center stage by a runway, which you can see here:

The floor of this center stage was actually a giant screen which was used to display some amazing special effects in a lot of the songs; I was really impressed aaaaaaa

And, as some of you might remember from μ's concerts, sometimes the seiyuu will also hop onto carts and ride them around the arena, like so

hi ainya

Here we go! ( *˙0˙*)

Aozora Jumping Heart The seiyuu rise up from below the stage and you can practically feel the tension in the air. I think... a bunch of people screamed when the music started, but I don’t remember too well. I broke two UOs off the bat because I was so excited lol. People behind me, I’m so sorry if I blinded you... Not much to say about this one, actually. Familiar song, familiar outfits. What was different this time was that they finally did the full version of the song! Since the solo lines in the second verse are done by subunit, there was some cute subunit interaction :D

Koi ni Naritai Aquarium Uhhhhhh.... lol. I didn’t want to die this early in the concert, but here we are... This song was 👌👌👌, and I pretty much... reacted how you might expect me to react. (:D)|￣|＿

Since I was spoiled for the setlist, I knew this song was coming up right after Aozora. I still wasn’t prepared. It’s just...... the choreography looks so good live and Shuka was so cute I was dying the whole time ashfsdkjfhsdkjfs. THERE ARE SPINS IN THE CHOREOGRAPHY (covered up by cutscenes in the PV) THANK YOU..............

The blue → orange → blue penlight color transition in the theater was also better than I expected wew, but then again my expectations weren’t that high in the first place.

In my humble, definitely not biased opinion, the Yousolo was amazing. I broke 8 UBs (uhhhhhh... LOL) and attempted a balrog for the solo but it was pretty spaghetti, considering how much I was freaking out.

AT THE END OF THE SONG, THE CAMERA ZOOMED ONTO SHUKA AND SHE DID A LITTLE HEADSHAKE AND FLASHED THE BIGGEST GRINｓｊｋえｊｓｇｄｘｃｖはｊｄｈｖｋｇｈｗｌｇｈｓｄｇＤ？ＧＳ

I’m so proud of Shuka, especially because she talked about how nervous she was for this song in her blog post aaaaaaaaaaa. There must have been added pressure from having to perform it second in the setlist, too...

My voice was pretty much already dead after this song :)))))))) oops

After KoiAqua, intros happened! The usual calls and all. It was good seeing the seiyuu looking just as excited as we were! Hearing so many people in the theater do the Call & Responses was really refreshing as well :D

Aqours☆HEROES  I’m always hype for this song because I love the choreography (read: Shuka’s 128759 spins). The calls for this song are also tons of fun! They were displayed on the main stage screen for the fans. I think this was the first song where the seiyuu went out onto the center stage. A lot of different camera angles (they started singing on the runway part of the stage) and modified choreography to account for the circular stage shape. They ran in circles a lot and it looked pretty tiring tbh because they were running in circles I don’t think Shuka did her “muteki datte” spin (either way the camera wasn’t focused on her) T_T Still good though, I love Heroes :D

The seiyuu leave the stage, and a short intermission drama happens. I’m going to avoid summarizing what happens in the dramas just because my Japanese listening comprehension is really bad, but I’ll mention that the animation for the little talking heads has really improved since the μ's days. They’re much more dynamic, they have more expressions, they have necks... Man, I wish I could GIF this :’)))))

Kimeta yo Hand in Hand Second years take the stage in their Daisuki dattara Daijoubu! outfits! The outfits have pretty wide sleeves, so you can see hints of Yume de Yozora costumes underneath (it doesn’t help that Shuka and Rikyako are wearing blue and pink, whereas their Yume de Yozora outfits are red and blue, respectively...) if you look closely when they raise their arms up.

At the end of the first round of solos, Shuka does a really nice spin which has the unfortunate side effect of flashing the red skirt of her Yume de Yozora costume, as well as her safety shorts LOL.

I remember laughing super hard at the arm-flailing choreo in the chorus when I first heard the song in the anime, but it actually didn’t look that weird in real life. There’s one part where all three of them just grab each other’s hands to form a circle and then run around, which I thought was really cute... ;__;

Daisuki dattara Daijoubu! Err, let’s just say that when Shuka jumped for the “Jump da!” part I thought I was going to have a heart attack lmao :’D

Choreo was pretty much exactly like the anime. For the second half of the song, the three of them moved out to the center stage while holding hands. During the instrumental it looked like there was no choreography, so all of them just circled around the stage and waved at all the fans. Shuka bounced around like a little kid on a sugar high and it was adorable ;__;

Then we had a short second years MC, the highlight of which is seeing the three of them turn in a circle to show everyone their costumes! There’s a giant ribbon on the back :>

Yume de Yozora o Terashitai Okay I already posted the official picture for the Yume de Yozora performance but I have to post it again:

This performance was sooooo beautiful, definitely one of the prettiest songs in the setlist. The whole performance itself took place on the center stage, where they could take full advantage of the screen display on the floor. Lots of aerial camera shots so we could see the evening sky displayed right under the seiyuu... Sooooo pretty. They put a really nice animation of the lanterns spelling out “Aqours” on the floor for Anchan’s solo as well :))))

There was this one part (or maybe two parts? I forget) where Aiai and King reach out and touch each other’s hands in this song, and I gotta say... their height difference is really moe. Ashkfhdsfjdkfh

... I would also like to personally thank the choreographer for putting in a Shuka spin in the second half of this song :)

You can’t see it too well in the photo, but the skirts on the costumes are all glittery. So prettyyyyy aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

After that, the stage goes dark and the seiyuu leave the stage. Next up: Subunits! (and more) → [Coming Soon!]

[itsworn]

Backstage Past: Streamliners, Customs, Race Cars, and Hollywood Stars Made 1959 Memorable

If you could see the hundreds of rejected 1959 images currently covering our cutting-room floor (digital version), you’d be shocked and awed; shocked by the volume and awed by the variety. You’d be forgiven for wondering aloud why 34 others made it to print instead. Heck, who wouldn’t?

No two humans granted access to the massive film collection compiled by late publisher Robert E. Petersen could be expected to make identical choices. Going in, we’d advise an aspiring editor to bury any and all biases about racing types and organizations, vehicle makes and models, heroes and villains, other personalities, aftermarket companies, engine designs, magazines and their staffers. He or she would be reminded that many mature HOT ROD Deluxe readers made firsthand automotive memories during 1959 (though not your correspondent, who turned 10 that October, nor editor Hardin, who turned 2 that August).

While the objective of this series is to share never-before-seen scenes alongside the mugs of the lucky Petersen photographers and writers who worked behind the scenes during one calendar year, what three-dozen such photos would most appeal to most of you (thus encouraging nice reader mail and subscription renewals)? How many artists and entertainers should steal space from steel subjects? Rods or customs? Open-wheeled versus full-fendered? Shouldn’t some space be made for significant shops and shows? Don’t forget the drag bikes and dream cars. How about this killer action from Indy, Daytona, Bonneville, Sebring, and Pomona? Or a tortuous road test of Detroit’s hottest 1959 iron?

Petersen’s in-house photo lab processed more than 3,000 rolls of black-and-white film between January 4 and December 31. Most rolls contained 12 exposures (though the compact, versatile 35mm format’s 24- and 36-frame rolls appear more frequently as the racing season progresses). Of these 50,000-odd individual images, your editor has room for 34, no more. He’s also got a deadline with an inflexible Midwestern printer whose giant presses will roll right on time, ready or not, little HOT ROD Deluxe. You’d better get busy.

That’s just the fun part. The hard part is research—not the unreliable kind done online, either. You can’t beat 60-year-old paper and ink, particularly the monthlies published by Petersen. All too often, though, a person, place, or thing that shows up on old film in the archive never did show up in a magazine, forcing modern-day editors to reject interesting images for want of caption material, rather than commit publishing’s mortal sin of omission. Another, more common cause for rejection is prior publication. In most of the latter cases, at least one scanned outtake can be found to surprise and amaze even those readers who have seemingly memorized every photo in every issue since 1948 (e.g., invaluable HRD contributor Greg Sharp).

Indeed, unpublished outtakes buried in the archive vastly outnumber the photos printed in Petersen periodicals and other, so-called “special interest publications” (yearbooks, pictorials, how-to compilations, and so on.). Film was relatively inexpensive; printing and binding and storing and mailing never have been. Then, as now, the number of editorial pages in print magazines is largely determined by projected combined revenue from subscriptions, newsstand sales, and advertising. Because so many of you good people support this one, we’re getting space in 2019 to tell a 1959 story. These 34 frames will hopefully be as enjoyable to view as they were painful to pick.

Lost in the aftermath of a certain blue streamliner’s 363.670-mph American record was mechanic Athol Graham’s one-way 344.761 on the bitter-cold 29th of November, making a former Mormon missionary the fourth-fastest driver in history. The Allison-powered Spirit of Salt Lake didn’t need a push car; Graham simply spun its onboard electric starter and drove away on a surface that hadn’t been touched since Mickey Thompson persuaded the Utah Highway Department to smooth the course with a grader two months previous. Graham’s pit crew consisted of wife Zeldine and teenaged mechanic Otto Anzjon, who are possibly the two people shown witnessing a late-afternoon return run. They didn’t have much company; published aerial photos from tire-provider Firestone’s plane reveal the least-occupied lakebed we’ve ever seen for such an attempt. Most of the witnesses appear to be volunteers with the Salt Lake Timing Association who set up Chrondeks. HOT ROD sent staffer Ray Brock, who shot these photos, and author Griff Borgeson. After testing his new Firestones at 277.499 mph in the morning, Graham described the ride in the Feb. 1960 HRM as “Smooth as the way to heaven.” Those words would prove eerily prophetic a year later, when the 36-year-old father of four young children went into a skid and flipped at 300-plus.

Contrary to suppositions put forth in the previous installment of this series (Nov. 2018), Mickey Thompson’s 294-mph car made at least this one public appearance (in far-off San Mateo) after its record-setting 1958 season, adorned in a quickie coat of new paint (notice oversprayed rear slick). The Harman-Collins lettering led to further Car Craft research confirming that it was, in fact, Cliff Collins—not Ed Iskenderian, as erroneously reported—who produced steel-billet camshafts for the dual Chryslers. For the Aug. 1959 issue, Mickey confided to Don Francisco that one of those bumpsticks had to be pried out of the forward engine after two connecting rods came apart during an unsuccessful return run. “The thing that fouled us up was time,” M/T explained. “When we saw we were beginning to run short of time, we got frantic, and when you get frantic at Bonneville, you dump more nitro into the fuel tank. That’s just what we did.” He planned to bring six Pontiac engines, developed with Mr. Isky’s grinds and personal assistance, this time, back to Utah with a new car, boldly promising to “break the World’s Land Speed Record. I’m as sure of this as I am that Bonneville salt is white.”

Bob D’Olivo shot countless concerts and doesn’t remember Johnny Mathis’s gig at the Cocoanut Grove, L.A.’s first and biggest nightclub (originally named the Zinnia Grill in 1921). The 1,000-seat venue was part of the 24-acre Ambassador Hotel complex, which closed in 1989.

Tom Nelson (left) and Nick Nicolosi demonstrate the ideal weight distribution of Dragmaster’s 1,100-pound prototype. “Featherweight frame design works so well, duplicates will be marketed,” gushed HOT ROD. NHRA didn’t hurt sales by awarding a special Safest Constructed Car trophy to builders Jim Nelson (an old pal of Wally Parks from their dry-lakes days) and Dode Martin at September’s gas-only NHRA Nationals at Detroit, where the Chevy-powered rail set overall low e.t. of 9.12. Later, a small ad in the back of the Mar. 1960 HRM assuring that the 96-inch chassis “Will not be obsolete by rule changes” referred to NHRA’s new minimum-wheelbase requirement, which happened to be the same 96 inches, thereby rendering illegal hundreds of early Chassis Research dragsters, modified roadsters, and competition coupes and sedans produced since 1956 by NHRA critic Scotty Fenn. (See Apr. and Nov. 1959, Jan. 1960 HRM.)

In July’s HRM, technical editor Ray Brock revealed a new business arrangement enabling C-T Automotive to deliver hard-chromed stroker cranks for just $16 more than its standard welded versions ($172 versus $156). In this outtake to a similar lead shot, photographer D’Olivo posed Brock with the 12-foot-long, 2,000-pound arms that Chrome Crankshaft Co. prepared for diesel-electric locomotives.

What evolved into the National Roadster Show was conceived as an all-encompassing exposition of antique and sports cars. After the few invited hot rods stole that 1949 event, Oakland promoter Al Slonaker wisely changed the name and focus. For this 11th edition, painter-pinstriper Jerry Anolik returned with the homebuilt Thunderbird (foreground) that was voted 1957’s People’s Choice as a mild custom. Driving home to San Francisco from that trophy presentation, the T-bird was sideswiped into a guardrail. Rather than repair the extensive damage, Anolik took the opportunity to create a radical custom. (See July 1959 Car Craft.)

Jerry Anolik bought the ’55 T-bird brand-new upon his discharge from the Army. No babied show car, it was driven daily, towed Anolik’s ski boat to mountain lakes, and turned 12.50s and 113 mph at the drags. It even ran Bonneville during a cross-country road trip, shocking veteran lakes racers with a record-bettering 161-mph pass that qualified for a record attempt—which proved disastrous. After gasoline leaked from one of the four Strombergs onto an exposed plug-wire clip and ignited, Anolik quickly killed the ignition, but both fuel pumps continued blasting fuel onto the hot engine, melting the heavily leaded front end. The remains sat hidden in his home garage for the next half-century, finally resurfacing—still scarred from fire, but complete with the blown 364ci Cadillac pictured—at the 60th Sacramento Autorama in 2009. Anolik later sold the Moon Rocket to collector Joe Hickenbottom and saw the famous custom fully restored before passing away last year. (See May 1959 MT, July 1959 CC, June and Oct. 1959 ML, and July 2010 HRD.)

Oakland promoters Al and Mary Slonaker were interviewed by Editor Dick Day for his Feb. 1960 Car Craft column and show coverage.

Pontiac chief Bunkie Knudsen uniquely capitalized on automakers’ infamous AMA ban of racing involvement to remake his stodgy GM division into a high-performance brand by discreetly arranging for hot V8s to power race cars ranging from NASCAR, USAC, and NHRA stockers to Mickey Thompson’s Challenger I and even the Kurtis Indy roadster that tested high-speed Firestone rubber at the newly opened Daytona International Speedway. A Hilborn-injected, 370ci, rpm-limited Ray Nichels Pontiac powered Jim Rathmann past 190 mph in the straights, with a best 2.5-mile-lap average of 172.8. Few action photos exist from the top-secret session (which further involved Paul Goldsmith in a pair of Grand National stock cars). Bob D’Olivo cleverly composed this one to include a Pontiac support vehicle.

Inspired by the one-piece Shadoff streamliner’s fiberglass body, Ed Roth rocked the custom-car world by reinterpreting the Model T in moldable silica cloth and resin. Introduced as the Excaliber (an unintentional misspelling of King Arthur’s mythical sword), the revolutionary roadster was renamed Outlaw after Roth realized that some showgoers were unaware of the literary reference and/or proper pronunciation.

The off-road champion and fence-jumping stuntman immortalized on a big Triumph in 1963’s The Great Escape looks sheepish posing for Rod & Custom editor Lynn Wineland’s Aug. 1959 article about a vehicle type so new that nobody knew what to name it. R&C went with “go-kart cycles” here. We found other 1959 references to “kart bikes” and “miniature cycles” (but no mention of “minibikes”). Bud Ekins gamely tooled around his San Fernando Valley dealership for a low-speed action shot that ran in the story.

Norm Grabowski landed a speaking part in the campy movie Girls Town. His T tub is the coolest car involved in a Los Angeles River showdown between hot rodders and sporty-car types, but here’s what Petersen photographer Pat Brollier brought back from the set instead. Mamie Van Doren’s costars included 17-year-old Paul Anka (driving the Dodge) and a bunch of 30ish actors pretending to be slang-slinging teenagers. The cult classic is easily found on YouTube, as is a short spoof of highlights done decades later for the TV series Mystery Science Theater 3000.

If you know any of the Petersen ad guys pictured, we’d love to learn what actress-singer Joi Lansing was doing at the annual L.A. sales meeting hosted by boss Robert E. Petersen (kneeling, far left). Yes, she played Shirley Swanson in the 1955-1959 series The Bob Cummings Show/Love That Bob and was Lester Flatt’s wife in The Beverly Hillbillies. Lansing also appeared in many movies, including Orson Welles’s Touch of Evil, during a career cut short by breast cancer at 43, in 1972.

Custom-airbrushed “weirdo” or “monster” shirts were high fashion for 1959 hot rodders. Editor Dick Day devoted his Aug. 1959 Car Craft editorial and a major inside feature to the fad. Artists Pete Millar (shown), Ed Roth, and Dean Jeffries each painted an example for the article.

The camera (left) bears NBC’s logo, and the star-studded panel and “Ballad” signage surely indicate a music-themed production, but our search for any such TV series or special went nowhere. (Help, mature readers?) Along with the best-selling singers visible here, a fifth panelist, Dick Clark, was seated to the right of Connie Francis in other frames.

Sure, Dean Moon’s dual-purpose drag-and-lakes Devin was plenty cool, but it’s the background vehicle that put this shot over the top in final eliminations. Online research into the Oscar Mayer empire revealed this to be one of five ’52-model Wienermobiles adapted to Dodge chassis by Ohio coachbuilder Gerstenslagger. Upon their replacement by a new, streamlined fleet in 1958, this one was presumably put out to pasture in Santa Fe Springs, California. Like us, the kid pedaling past must’ve wondered why it sat behind Moon Equipment Co. As for the race car, Rod & Custom’s subsequent Mar. 1960 cover story credits the frame to Moon’s in-house-fabricator, Harley Klentz, and describes a Potvin-supercharged ’57 Chevy engine bored to 291 cubes. At the time of publication, the 2,000-pounder had hit 170 mph at Bonneville and El Mirage, and made 12-second, 125-mph passes in Modified Sports classes. Eric Rickman got the shot.

Fifty-nine years after little Danny Thompson (foreground) watched his daddy shake down Challenger I at Rogers Dry Lake this August, the kid was destined (at age 69) to average a record 448.757 mph in this car’s successor, the half-century-old Challenger 2. His proud mom, Judy, was also in attendance on both historic occasions.

Bob Petersen’s first two fulltime photographers were themselves rarely photographed at the same event, let alone in a single frame. As Mickey Thompson buckled in for his checkout pass in the Mojave desert, Bob Greene, HRM’s managing editor, captured both Eric Rickman (right), hired in 1950, and Bob D’Olivo (left), a staffer since 1952. (See their photos in the July 2016 HRD.)

Bob Petersen’s first two fulltime photographers were themselves rarely photographed at the same event, let alone in a single frame. As Mickey Thompson buckled in for his checkout pass in the Mojave desert, Bob Greene, HRM’s managing editor, captured both Eric Rickman (right), hired in 1950, and Bob D’Olivo (left), a staffer since 1952. (See their photos in the July 2016 HRD.)

Here’s one that didn’t show up in any magazines. Direct from the salt flats, D’Olivo drove the Borgward to Detroit for the NHRA Nationals then home to Los Angeles, a 5,000-mile extended road trip that required a lift near the end.

Scrounging junkyards and horse-trading parts reportedly held Ed Roth’s cash investment in the game-changing Excaliber/Outlaw to under $1,000 (equivalent to $8,500 today), including a fully chromed ’50 Cad built by Fritz Voigt, Mickey Thompson’s in-house genius. A two-piece aluminum T-top seen in construction photos blew off while the car was being trailered between shows and was abandoned, literally. Roth would pull an unknown number of reproduction main-body sections from his mold, but a stiff $230 retail tag resulted in few takers and fewer finished clones. The original debuted in late summer at a Disneyland show and remained a major attraction even after Ed sold it. No price is mentioned in a Mar. 1960 HOT ROD Mart photo ad, but the car reportedly fetched more than $3,000 from the second of multiple owners. In 2018, the T was among the Roth creations brought together for the Amelia Island Concours and presently resides in the Petersen Automotive Museum’s underground vault. (See Jan. 1960 CC cover story.)

Major Petersen Publishing Co. (PPC) advertisers were treated to a deep-sea outing in September, accompanied by at least one ringer: lifelong fisherman Tom Medley, the former cartoonist and editorial staffer working “the dark side” as HRM’s ad manager.

Sorry, your guess is as good as ours! The odd image of what looks like an animal cage was found amongst six rolls exposed by staffer Al Paloczy at Disneyland’s September custom-car show

“Mechanical troubles” sabotaged the dual-engined Kartliner’s Bonneville debut, but what it lacked in displacement (7 ci!), power (12.4 hp), and performance (65 mph) was more than made up for by the massive publicity it generated. Wheelbase was a scant 50 inches for the 193-pound, 29.5-inch-tall prototype built by Rod Schapel (right) and Bill Orndorff of the Rocket Kart engine shop. Copies of their swoopy body would soon be advertised for $250 (about $2,100 now), plus $58 for a canopy. (See Dec. 1959 HRM, Jan. 1960 CC, and Jan. 1960 R&C.)

Berlin was a divided city in 1959, and boss Bob Petersen came no closer to the Communist side during a tour of West German automakers. He was accompanied by Motor Life editor Don Werner, a future competitor who cofounded Argus Publishers (Popular Hot Rodding and so on) with another PPC defector, circulation specialist Gordon Behn.

Do you suppose the boys at Advance Mufflers minded an interruption by British model and actress June Wilkinson? Pat Brollier burned through four rolls of silly setups during a visit presumably arranged by PPC’s advertising team.

Late photographer Colin Creitz left us a rare peek inside Chassis Research Co., the originator of mail-order drag cars. We recognized founder Scotty Fenn (left). A search for his helper’s identity ultimately led to an email address for former employee Roger Wolfard. “The fellow in the picture is me,” came the surprising response. “I worked for Scotty from 1959 to 1964. From there, I wound up at Mickey Thompson’s and got involved with his racing programs.” Perhaps best remembered for the blown-fuel Jeep that was among the few independent Funny Cars competitive with Mercury’s revolutionary ’66 Comet floppers—and, consequently, partly responsible for NHRA’s subsequent ban of topless bodies—Wolfard still wonders what became of his crowd-pleasing, 392-powered Secret Weapon. (If anybuddy knows, kindly email editor Hardin, and we’ll pass the info along.)

Dapper D’Olivo designed and managed a busy photographic department charged with filling the pages of an ever-growing roster of Petersen publications. Starting in 1955, Bob also assumed the task of organizing the massive film archive that makes an historical series like this one possible. At 91, he remains the incomparable authority on the approximately 8.5 million individual frames accumulated before digital photography superseded negatives and transparencies.

Beatniks and their drinking girlfriends were evidently too racy for editorial director Wally Parks and/or his editors, all of whom passed on coverage of a “beatnik party” hosted by Ed Roth. Everyone else captured on two rolls is unfamiliar to us, though Bob D’Olivo recognized a couple of short-haired Petersen ad guys, ironically, who’d traded their usual suits and ties for costumes of freshly torn shirts and shorts.

Notice how close unprotected spectators and photographers were to Jack Chrisman (far lane) and Eddie Hill as the A/Dragster finalists hit top speed at Inyokern (California) Airport’s inaugural Texas versus California championships. Wally Parks wisely kept his distance while shooting the close trophy dash. (See Feb. 1960 HRM.)

The unidentified crewman who wandered into this shot seems to be reacting to whatever curse was hurled down from Eric Rickman’s ladder perch. The unfortunate intrusion was probably responsible for an otherwise wonderful composition’s omission from HRM’s Feb. 1960 Inyokern coverage. Dig the contrast between bitchin’ 1934 Fords, both classified as B/Altereds: the chopped Hart’s Automotive entry versus George “Boltloose” Bolthoff’s full-fendered, wire-wheeled beauty.

Last but not least, from the Hell Hath No Fury Dept. comes Bob Petersen’s Mercedes 300R. His actress girlfriend left his hillside house in a huff one December night, yanked the car out of gear, and released the emergency brake. The fence and shrubbery belonging to his downstream neighbor prevented the car from flopping into that guy’s home. Needless to say, this is one new-car durability test you never saw in Motor Trend or Motor Life. Bob D’Olivo related the story, adding that the car was eventually repaired and traded to a local import dealer.

The post Backstage Past: Streamliners, Customs, Race Cars, and Hollywood Stars Made 1959 Memorable appeared first on Hot Rod Network.

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[sanjeevhimachali123-blog]

And the saga of Gender Bias continues

Shalini was waiting eagerly for her Chartered Accountancy Final Results. She was about to reap the benefits of 5 years of intense struggle and hard work.

Five years earlier, when she filled the registration form of CA Foundation, everyone haunted her through his or her advice.

“This is the hardest professional course in India”,

“It is only made for the extremely meritorious students”,

“Only 1% people can clear through these exams.”

However, denying everyone’s advice, she filled the registration form. CA Foundation results were declared, and she secured 29th position in the country. It marked the beginning of a new chapter in her life.

Read more about Sanjeev Himachali blog

Today, after so many years of isolation phase and three years of intense articleship, she was on the verge of adding the prestigious prefix “CA” against her name.

Finally, results announced at 4 pm and she again lived up to the expectations of the family and friends. Yes, she was CA Shalini Gupta today.

However, she wasn’t aware that this wasn’t an end to the struggle; it was just a beginning to even more intense battle and phase of frustration – Job Search.

It had already been a few days since she qualified as a chartered accountant but she was still searching for a job. She was losing her confidence as the days passed. Everyone could feel frustration and low self-esteem in her behavior.

“Hey Shalini, what happened? You are not fine today?” her friend Shubham asked.

“Job hunting is a frustrating process, Shubham”, Shalini said.

“Frustrating? How can it be frustrating for a chartered accountant? Lots of jobs get listed on job portals and even on LinkedIn. Just send across your CV, and I’m sure several opportunities will knock you soon.”

“You don’t understand it is not so easy. Most of these companies prefer to hire male candidates. Even in some places, they want ONLY male candidates”, she replied in a low tone.

This seemed really awkward to Shubham because he never thought job recruitment could be sexist.

“You must be crazy. I can’t imagine anything like happening in reality. How can there be “males only” preference for a job position? A chartered accountant is a chartered accountant. How can somebody differentiate a CA between a girl and a boy?”

Shalini was already frustrated, and Shubham’s reply fumed her anger. She opened her laptop and typed a job portal’s name on Google.

She searched for “Jobs for Fresher CAs”, and 30 results appeared. Out of those, as many as 15 employers invited job applications only from male candidates, while six other employers preferred recruiting male candidates over female candidates.

Shubham was surprised.

Shalini didn’t stop here. She opened LinkedIn and searched for posts calling Fresher CAs to apply for job positions. Many of them mentioned “Males are preferred” or “Only male candidates can apply” as the requirement.

Shubham felt defeated realizing that he was thinking wrongly. Gender Biases exists in the recruitment.

The other day I read about how a woman went up to her boss to complain about sexual harassment in the workplace. And, all the boss had to say was this:

“I empathize with you, but who told you to work in a dominating male industry?” he said while laughing with four other people.

We talk about sexual harassment at workplaces, yet often we forget to discuss the most crucial factor that leads to sexual harassment which is – the preference of only male candidates on job portals.

According to a recent Randstand Workmonitor Survey, 55% respondents said that males are preferred over females for positions for which both are equally qualified. Globally, the ratio is even higher, where more than 70% of respondents agreed with this. Interestingly, out of the 55% Indian respondents, 61% of males agreed with gender biases during recruitment

Ironically, even female recruiters prefer male candidates during recruitment.

This is because there are certain stereotypes attached to males which include – “Males can devote their entire day to the organization”, “Males can do any given assignment” etc. and hence during almost all recruitments, males are preferred over females.

It is assumed that females can’t do overtime in office and that their commitment to work after marriage is uncertain. Hence organizations are afraid of investing time and resources in female candidates.

While most companies prefer a male employee for field jobs that require sheer hard work but hard work isn’t a synonym for the male gender. Instead, applications may be invited from everyone and then let the interview decide who the deserving candidate should be.

The saddest part of the story is the fact that almost all senior-level positions are occupied by males. Indian firms don’t have many females in their top management and the problem lies at the grass root level – they aren’t recruited in high numbers, so naturally, their chances of reaching more senior positions are lesser. Plus, ‘masculine style of leadership’, ‘patience’ and ‘full devotion’ is something which is deemed to be attached only to males and hence they are always preferred for jobs that directly affect the revenue of the company.

I can’t understand why females are always underestimated during recruitment. What needs to be understood is that we have to abolish gender biases during recruitment processes, if we are to make workplaces a safe zone for women.

About Us

With multiple successes achieved through driving commercially embedded HR strategy and programs across Africa, Europe, the Middle East, USA, and Hong Kong, Sanjeev Himachali, Talent Strategist & Management Consultant exhibits over a decade and a half years of progressive, leadership experience and core competencies in talent acquisition, management, and development, HR program management, compensation & benefits management, and staff engagements. In January 2015 he launched Ecliptic HR Solutions to provide strategic human resource and talent management consulting across BFSI, Manufacturing, Automobile, IT & ITES, Telecom, Retail, and FMCG sectors.

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Sanjeev Himachali

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