#I added the section of how he was when he was twelve both to show the progress of the wrongness over time

[waffletheorist]

So, I wrote a sort of prequel/backstory thing for Hero of Simulation, just adding to his character, how he came to be the way he is, different stages of his life and some description. Might rewrite first meeting later as well because I just got so many more ideas for him that I want to add, and because I'm on the creative high right now, so I may as well write as much as possible and improve it.

TW, implied suicide.

Content below the cut.

"The Hero? He's barely a month old!" The woman cried.

"I know it might come as a shock, but that is his destiny. That mark right there on his left hand proves it." The old man replied calmly.

"I don't care what some goddess-forsaken triangle birthmark says, I will not be sending my infant son out on a quest!" The heartbroken mother screamed, cradling her son, who had not made even the slightest sound during this whole ordeal.

"I apologise, but we have no choice in the matter. It is what he was born to do." The wizened sage said gently, not seeming sorry at all.

"No. I refuse to accept this. You sages can go find a new hero. I refuse to let you turn this innocent boy into a weapon for the world. Get a capable adult, not my child."

"But miss-"

"No. I will not accept any argument on this. My son will live his life, far away from all this hero business, you hear me?"

"But only he can-"

"No."

The women stormed out of the castle, infant son in her arms, the mark of the Triforce glowing weakly on his hand.

Days passed, and all the soldiers and knights of the kingdom were sent out to find the fleeing family. There were posters in every town, and the two had a bounty on their heads. There was no place for the desperate duo to hide, even short rests at inns were risky when anyone could be looking to collect their bounty. But they always persisted on their path, the woman determined to keep her child from harm. The mother told the young boy stories every night, of how the Triforce could grant any wish. He had always loved his stories, the same as her.

"Maybe that could keep you safe. That accursed triangle on your hand that binds you to your fate, saving you from it. A bit poetic, don't you think?"

The child just stared, the woman letting out a tinkling laugh.

But, the women had an idea now, and she wasn't going to give up on it. While the Triforce of Courage rested in her son, the other two pieces remained in the Sacred Realm, the door to which was in the Temple of Time. But no regular person could open the Sacred Realm, as only the one who the Master Sword deemed worthy would be able to raise it and open the gate. While the woman herself wasn't worthy, perhaps her son would be, despite his age and size. That was what those insane sages said, wasn't it?

So, the mother picked up her child, a look of guilt, grief and sadness briefly crossing her face for what she was planning to do. She donned the armour she had stolen off of the poor Hyrulean soldier who had been guarding the path to Death Mountain in order to disguise herself, and carefully placed her baby into her bag. She didn't have to worry about him crying, he had not made even a sound since the moment of his birth. Her small campsite in the Kakariko Village Well was no place to raise a child, and she knew that. So, when the sunlight finally stopped reflecting off the water, she climbed out into the night. It was a long walk to Castle Town across Hyrule Field, especially when you add factors such as her heavy armour, needing to check on her son, and her decreased physical ability due to the sleepless nights spent watching over the entrance to the well, making sure nobody would discover them. The gate to the town was closed at night, but she knew that with all of these combined, it would take her until morning to arrive anyway. So, she walked, straining and struggling the whole way, until morning arrived and she was at the gates. She took a brief rest to catch her breath, she might be caught if people saw her struggling when she was meant to be disguised as a soldier. Helm concealing her face, she finally entered Castle Town.

"Ey, soldier! You're meant to be stationed outside Death Mountain! And what's in that bag of yours?"

The woman almost jumped out of her skin, her heart skipping a beat for a moment when she heard this. She thought she was going to be stopped. Deepening her voice as much as she could, which wasn't much due to naturally being high pitched, she replied.

"Just delivering a message, sir, I've got someone covering my shift until I return."

"Alright then. But I better not catch you slacking off, you understand?"

"Understood, sir."

The woman almost breathed a sigh of relief, but quickly stifled it so as not to seem suspicious. It was early in the morning, and not many people were up and about this time of day, which made things easier for her. She advanced towards the Temple of Time, not once letting herself break character, and finally went inside, arriving at the Master Sword pedestal. She gently removed her infant from her bag, and placed his hands on the Master Sword. They were small. Too small for this large duty imposed upon him. He could barely even wrap his hands around the hilt, let alone raise the sword and kill with it. But, the child's touch was enough, and the blade allowed them both to lift it together. Then she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"I knew there was something off about you. You're that woman the Royal Family is-"

The man was cut off, as the Sacred Realm opened, sending a beam of pure golden light upwards to tell the whole world. In front of them was an expanse of gold, bathed in the light of an eternal sunset. A beautiful realm. If this was the last thing she ever saw, she could die happily. She climbed the marble stairs in front of her, with her son, and almost as if he sensed what she was about to do, he cried for the first time, the Triforce glowing prominently on his small hand, begging to be reunited with its two other powerful and wise counterparts. Holding her son in one arm and the Master Sword in the other, she ascended to the top, and the Triforce was completed once again.

"Triforce, I wish upon you. Please, transport my son somewhere safe, far away from here, where he can grow up like a normal child. Please, let him live."

The Triforce glowed brightly, and the Sacred Realm changed around her as her son wailed and screamed. He was raised into the air, and in a flash of light, he disappeared, her wish granted. The woman was alone with the Master Sword and her thoughts. With one last laugh, she raised the sword high and pointed it towards herself, so that they would never be able to find out what she wished for.

Meanwhile, in the United Kingdom, an infant was found abandoned in a field, seemingly having just appeared out of thin air. Nobody knew where he had come from, and he was eventually adopted by two expecting parents who didn't mind having another child with them.

Hylia was watching all of this from above, and she was not pleased with the woman's wish. It irritated her that she could not go against the will of the Triforce, even if it was for such a noble reason as needing the child back to save the Kingdom. However, the woman had only wished that he be allowed to grow up, he could still become the hero eventually if Hylia bent the rules, and she knew that. For now though, she couldn't touch him and would have to hide her time. But how to prepare him for his eventual duty when this world has not a monster to speak of, and the art of fighting is rarely taught? For three days and three nights, Hylia watched over this strange world with its advanced technology, until she discovered videogames. She was intrigued by these small virtual worlds, and saw their potential in teaching the hero. Nintendo games in particular caught her eye, they were the most popular in this world, and for good reason too. So, Hylia travelled back to the past of that world to bring the story of Hyrule to Nintendo. The people of this land used strange number codes to keep track of the date, and according to Hylia's knowledge, it was 1984. With her influence, the Legend of Zelda series began development, named after her mortal reincarnation.

Link was now twelve years old, and his younger brother was eleven. His brother hadn't cared much for the Legend of Zelda, but after being introduced to it by his father, Link had always felt a strange connection to the world of Hyrule, beyond just sharing a name with the protagonist. Today was another boring day of classes for him. His hands absentmindedly drifted to his ears. They had always felt... wrong, somehow. There was nothing abnormal about them though. Every time he checked, there was nothing strange about them. But, that feeling of wrongness never went away. Sometimes, when he looked in the mirror, they would seem pointed, out of the corner of his eye, even though he knew that was impossible, and it was far more likely that he just had a few screws loose.

"Link, answer the question."

The teacher said impatiently. He hadn't been paying attention again. He quickly looked at the girl beside him to see what question they were on.

"The answer is 17."

"Correct. But pay better attention next time. You're smart, but that doesn't mean you can get away with being lazy."

'Yes it does.' Link thought, but he held his tongue, as always. He was a well-behaved student to a bit of a worrying degree, his mother actually payed him to get in trouble, although it backfired on her when he demanded money for not doing his chores. He just nodded along like he was listening. "Smart.", the teacher had said. It annoyed him. Every Friday, a student was selected and every other student had to write one good thing about them for mental health or something. For him, it was always just "smart", "intelligent", "good at math", "good at spelling", with the occasional "nice", "kind" or "pretty" from the students that just wrote the same thing for everyone. He had liked it at first, but it was getting repetitive, and at this point, it felt like a bit of an insult. What about everything else? He didn't like being known for his smarts, he had other defining qualities he wished people would talk about. Is his academic skill all he has? Despite not being blood related, his brother was the same, as a result of his competitiveness driving him to try and beat Link, although it never worked.

The bell rang, and Link got out of his seat and packed his bags in a hurry so he could leave quickly. He was often made a target by some of the more annoying students, since he never fought back out of fear of getting in trouble for defending himself, and because his long hair, petite size and more reserved personality gave them lots to pick on. Luckily, he made it out in time, and walked home. His days continued on in a similar manner to this one for many years, with only a few notable events, such as starting horse-riding lessons and briefly trying out different martial arts.

When he finally turned eighteen, he decided to get a tattoo of the Triforce on his left hand. He had been planning to do this for quite a while, with the only thing stopping him being the law and the common sense required not to break it and end up getting an infection or a low quality tattoo. While his hair wasn't as long as it had been when he was twelve years old and refused to cut his hair, it was still reasonably long now, a little below shoulder length at the back. He spent even more time indoors than he did before, researching and working harder than ever, while still leaving enough time for videogames and writing by sacrificing sleep.

He was alright with the way he was living, but something still felt off. There was something he was supposed to be doing, he just couldn't figure out what. He got a part-time job, the feeling didn't go away, he studied harder, the feeling didn't go away, he applied for university, the feeling didn't go away. No matter what, there was always that nagging feeling in the back of his mind, like he was forgetting something important. It had always been present, but now it was worsening. Every time he looked at his left hand, at the tattoo of the Triforce, it felt like it was trying to remind him of some long forgotten duty. Days were lost trying to figure out what was wrong, and he decided to go back to playing the Legend of Zelda games, his childhood favourites, and somehow, they seemed to dull the pain and stress even when nothing else did. He collected all the Golden Skulltulas, fused hundreds of Kinstones, found every Korok, and then did it again in speedrun form. Sometimes, he wrote theories as well, or streamed himself playing the games. He had a small following, but it was steadily growing larger as he became more of a known name in the community. Sharing a name with Link helped with that as well, it made him stand out.

After a year of this life, balancing his part-time jobs with his social media and online career, along with school, he lost more and more sleep and started getting burnt-out from all this work. But, on one late rainy night that he finally found out what he was missing.

[lets-try-some-writing]

What do you think about how the bots would think about seeing pictures or videos of when the kids were smaller. Like a video of Jack in middle school with a lisp from his retainer or pictures of Miko having an awful haircut her parents got for her to make her look more “presentable” as well as her fighting tooth and nail for them not to watch an old video of her piano recitals. Raph’s glasses being a little too big at first because he had insisted on getting glasses from the adult section like his dad and grandpa and they weren’t the right size for his head yet and the multiple little tools he made growing up to try and hold them up until his head grew.

Little things that as they got older they found embarrassing but just are general parts of growing up.

Pfft. This idea is rather humorous. I added my own little twist to it too.

Embarrassing Pictures

The whole situation began when June brought a camera into base to take pictures of the children. It was nothing new, Miko took pictures all the time, so the team didn't question it. However after June started making a fuss over the pictures, trying to convince the children to smile and whatnot, the team became vaguely interested. Once asked, June revealed that she intended to add the photos to her photo album, electing a groan from Jack. And when asked to explain what that was, she told the team all about how she liked to take photos to save and look at again in the future.

Suddenly very interested in seeing photos of the children, the team gathered around June and asked to see her photo albums. June was perfectly happy to oblige and returned to base a day or so later with not only her photo albums, but also ones she had managed to haggle off Rafael's parents and Miko's host family (Why they had the albums was a mystery, but some liked to theorize it was because Miko didn't want her parents to have them to show off). The children were mortified as June put the albums under a magnifier and projected the pictures onto big screen for the bots to see.

Jack's baby pictures came up first. And in the beginning they were pretty tame. It was a few photos of when Jack was an infant and aside from the odd bath photo and a picture of him dressed up as his favorite superhero, everything seemed fine. It was mostly just images of him being a cute kid, which the team found to be both fascinating and adorable. They hadn't realized humans could get any smaller, so seeing a tiny version of Jack doing adorable things not too dissimilar from what sparklings did on Cybertron brought smiles to their faces. Of course then Jack's middle school photos came out and suddenly the teenager couldn't look anyone in the eyes or optics as pictures of him with his braces and then retainer were shown to the team.

Ratchet: *pointing at the picture of Jack with his retainer* Is that some form of human torture?

Arcee: *suddenly very worried* Jack, are you already at home?

Jack: NO! WAIT! I mean-! Look, I had to wear a retainer for a while to fix my teeth, that's it.

Miko: *laughing* You really do look like you are being tortured in that pic!

Jack: Shut up!

Bumblebee: You had to have a cover over your teeth to fix them? Why not just remove them and put them back in the right way?

Rafael: *softly* Bee... no. Humans don't work like that.

Thankfully for Jack, he wasn't the only one who got a taste of humiliation since soon after Miko's own photos came on screen. Just like with Jack, it was mostly cute baby photos (which the team collectively cooed at and more than one may or may not have saved a mental screenshot for later). However by the time her photos from between the ages of eight and twelve were brought up, she started wishing for the sweet release of death.

The worst haircut she had ever gotten was the beginning of the torture. In the photo she was frowning and trying to fight back as she was held in front of the camera, a shoulder length bob cut and bangs taking the place of her usual wild hairstyle. This earned her a bit of mockery from Jack who was still feeling rather bitter about her prodding at his pictures earlier. However it didn't end there, her parents had also recorded several of her recitals which began playing as June hooked them up to the projector. She tried to stop it, but could only watch in horror as the team witnessed her horrendous singing combined with her rather remarkable skill with the piano. The team weren't all that concerned, finding it mostly cute, but Miko wanted to die right then and there.

Bulkhead: You play that instrument well Miko. Why haven't you played that one around base?

Miko: BECAUSE ITS EMBARRASSING!

Optimus: Is it? I find you talent with that instrument rather pleasing.

Ratchet: *under his breath* She screams like a Turbo-fox.

Optimus: *kicking Ratchet lightly* Your voice is lovely too.

Safe to say Miko didn't walk away from her photos being shown around mentally sound. But with Rafael's own photos up next, she opted to try and draw attention away from herself by mocking her younger friend as his baby pictures were displayed.

Rafael honestly didn't have all that many embarrassing photos up until an image of him duct taping his grandfather's glasses onto his face came on screen. Young Rafael was waling as he tried to rip the tape off in the photo, causing the team to chuckle in amusement much to Rafael's horror. After that more and more photos of him trying and failing to wear adult glasses came on screen, each more dooming than the last as Jack and Miko laughed. One image showed him with glasses almost three times the size of his face tied to his head with string as he tried to walk around looking normal only to run into a wall.

Jack: *laughing* You ran into a wall?

Rafael: I was eight!

Miko: You look like a bobblehead!

Rafael: ...

Bumblebee: Why did you not just get normal sized glasses?

Rafael: I wanted to be like the grown ups...

Optimus: That is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, I believe I have some pictures of Bumblebee doing something similar...

Bumblebee: Optimus no! Please no!

It was too late. Before anyone could do anything about it, Optimus helped June put her albums away and highjacked the projector and uploaded images directly from his personal databanks. Bumblebee died a little inside as Optimus unapologetically showed pictures of him being a feral monstrosity and tearing up furniture and consoles around high command. He could only heat up in embarrassment as Optimus then proceeded to show pictures of him doing numerous other things ranging from eating rations like an animal, shooting Prowl with a blaster by accident, to picking out his first earth alt mode and the subsequent car wash that came with it.

Rafael: Why a Volkswagon Beetle? That's such an old model.

Bumblebee: I liked it alright!

Arcee: He thought it was cute.

Bumblebee: NO! I DID NOT!

Ratchet: He did. And he even thought it was the height of motor transportation on your backwater world for nearly a month.

Bumblebee: RATCHET!

As if contented, Optimus finally stopped sharing his pictures after Bumblebee started steaming from the stress of having his past exposed. But Ratchet being the slightly malicious medic that he is took the chance to throw Optimus under the bus in turn. He hooked up to the projector next and began sharing pictures of Optimus back when he was Orion Pax, much to the Prime's silent humiliation. Pictures of him eating wild animals innocently, him screaming at a stray cyber-cat on all fours, him getting drunk as pit the one time he allowed Ratchet to take him to a bar, and all sorts of photos of him gnawing on things came up one after another. It was a different time, but Optimus should have known better than to assume Ratchet wouldn't have collected such incriminating photos of him.

Bulkhead: Prime... are you eating a datapad in that picture?

Optimus: ...

Arcee: Why were you crouched on top of the bookcase with a electro-dove in your mouth in that one?

Optimus: ...

Bumblebee: *squinting at a photo* W-Where you trying to size up a statue?

Optimus: I wasn't always a Prime.

Ratchet: Who could have guessed.

Optimus: You weren't always and honorable medic either Ratchet.

Once again taking his place by the projector, Optimus plugged back in and began airing out all of Ratchet's past escapades for all to see, the children practically forgotten in the midst of the silent battle going on. The Prime quickly began cycling through dozens of photos of Ratchet high as a kite doing stupid scrap like pole dancing, screaming at mecha, and throwing things. And before the medic could process that, Optimus pulled out even more of him competing in street races, competing in drinking contests, and even a video of him swearing up a storm at everyone and everything while drunk. Ratchet could do nothing but silently offline internally as he watched his dark history get replayed.

Bulkhead: So... a party ambulance?

Ratchet: Shut up.

Arcee: I should be asking you what's humming doc.

Ratchet: I was young and dumb. Weren't we all at one point?

Bumblebee: Young and dumb usually points toward breaking someone's window or accidentally trespassing, not getting stoned, drunk, and then doing incriminating things.

Ratchet: ...

It only got worse from there as Ratchet pulled up the pictures he had acquired from Bulkhead and Arcee's files on their own little misadventures as younglings. The children were completely forgotten as the team became focused on airing each other's dirty laundry for all to see. And the children had no problem with that as they watched the dark past's of their favorite Autobots gets shown around like contraband reading material.

[gucciwins]

it’s your birthday?

As luck would have it you once again find yourself in a breakout room with Harry

Word count: 3296

A/N: Hello friends, it’s a new semester and it felt only right to continue breakout room, a story that was well loved by you. The inspiration once again came to me during class and also because it’s Harry’s birthday. Thank you to the lovely @soullikestyles for reading this over. Here it is, enjoy!!!

I hope you love this, it is a continuation from Breakout Room 

Please shoot me a message of what you thought!!!!

i love you, take care xx 

_____

It's the start of a new semester. It's safe to say you did not make any friends last semester due to this ongoing pandemic, but what you did manage to get was a 3.9 G.P.A for the Fall semester. It was probably because you did not leave your apartment, and when you did, it was to go grocery shopping with your roommate, who would be dead without you because, as she liked to put it, you're the chef, and she's the taster. 

Well, you maybe did make one friend. 

Harry Styles.

He was the person to talk to you during a zoom breakout room in your women's gender studies course.

Sure, you were never in the same room again, but you might or might not have pinned his face during one of the professor's long ramblings that is no longer related to the course. 

He was pretty to look at; you would never deny that. 

No, with the floppy curls that he almost always seemed to run his hand through, then stopping when one of his rings got caught in a knotted ringlet. His camera would instantly turn off, and in thirty seconds, he was back as if nothing had happened. The glasses framed his face just right, making his eyes look soft and inviting. Also made his dimples stand out. He almost always wore a different colored cardigan. Your favorite from the semester was when he wore a multicolored cardigan. That looks like it was knitted; there was a hole by his heart. Honestly, you were hoping he had, would have made him even more endearing. 

Also, might one day ask him to make you one, or he could even teach you. You're a fast learner and have patience. 

He's got a great choice in clothing from what you was able to observe in such a short time—also a lovely personality. 

After his initial email, you decided to answer, thus creating a chain of messages back and forth. He was honestly funny, and that was just on paper. He had asked for her number and said no, and he respected that. It doesn't mean they never helped each other in the class; Harry asking for more help than Y/N. She sent him over her notes and explained the readings he found harder to grasp. 

As soon as finals week hit, she received her last email from him with the subject as Goodbye. It took you by surprise, and you erased the draft you had waiting for him that had your phone number wanting to keep talking to him. Still, clearly, he thought of them as just classmates for the semester, so without even opening his last email, you trashed it. 

You felt guilty about it, so you then transferred it to your archives, where it sits with other unwanted emails. 

_____

The holidays are over, and since you could not make the trip home, you celebrated with Amy, your roommate. You both help each other buy your family's presents, looking for the best discounts and adding extra items to get the free shipping. Together, well, mostly you as she handed you pieces of tape you wrapped present after present in brown wrapping paper. It was harder to tear and more comfortable to decorate in any way you wanted. On each box, it had everyone's name written in beautiful handwriting, courtesy of you. Then you would add snowflakes or stripes to make it stand out. 

It was a success from their looks when each gift was open through the zoom call. 

The month break flew by, and the next thing you knew, it was time to be back at your desk for hours of learning. It was fun until it wasn't sure there was a lot to look forward to, but you would miss sleeping all day and eating snacks in bed with no fear of forgetting to submit an assignment. 

This semester you had four major courses. Psychology of Personality and Psychology of Aging were the two courses you were most looking forward to. You decided on taking the women's gender studies class called Politics of Sexuality. You had gotten the recommendation from the department's head to take it and did so without a second thought. Yes, fifteen units was a lot, but you were close to graduating, and you knew you could handle it. 

The first week flew by because it was merely going over the syllabus. You had your camera on, but you did not bother to look at your other classmates. Sasha, a fellow person in your major, would be your study partner as she had been all semester. Sasha might not always be in the class section, but she did take the same professors and courses. It makes studying and taking notes easier. You know you won't always have Sasha, but having a study partner has ever made you do better. 

February 1st. The start of the second week of the semester. 

You woke up at seven, got the tea that Amy had ready for you, and were sitting at your desk by eight. Your professor droned on about the first chapter of the book. You felt confident knowing you understood the significant points. 

It's 11:30, and your second course of the day is going to start. You were not looking forward to the class simply because Dr. Rossi had warned you he would be putting you into breakout rooms of two. That person would be your partner for the semester. You had a project due at the end of the semester, and he wanted you to be acquainted with someone rather than having a person working alone. 

You sat there, Baby Yoda ceramic mug in hand, as you waited for your breakout room to load and to see who you were destined to work with for the next fourteen weeks. 

There was a knock on your door that distracted you from seeing the video of someone else load. 

"Sorry, I know you're in class, but I was wondering when lunch was to see how big of a snack I should have." Amy shoots you a small smile. 

"No worries, Ames, I'm out at 12:45 and will need half an hour to cook, so roughly 1:30. Is that okay?" You tell her feeling a little awful, making her wait. 

"It's perfect. Have a good class." Amy shuts the door.

As you hear the click, you turn back to your computer, and they're staring at you in a lavender cardigan with a white shirt underneath is the one and only Harry Styles.  

His curls are shorter, meaning he recently got a haircut, and they are just growing back. You wished he had let it grow out, wanting to see how much more ruly they would have gotten.

You feel your face heat up, remembering you did not do your hair, instead of letting it sit messily in a low ponytail, small hair framing your hair. You were sure the black sweatshirt you had one had a hummus stain but too afraid to look down to check. You weren't even aware he was in this class; it shows you should be paying attention more to your classmates. 

He shoots you a small smile, and you grimace, trying to force one out, but you're still a bit shocked. 

You see his microphone go white, meaning he was about to speak. You leaned forward in anticipation, a bit desperate to hear his smooth accent through your computer speakers. 

"Hello, it's been a while." Harry raises his glasses to hold back his hair. 

You reach forward and unmute yourself. "Hello, Harry. It has been a while. It's a new year and everything." You joke. 

He chuckles, scratching his chin. You aren't sure what to do; it was never this awkward the first time you chatted. 

"Guess we're partners, huh." 

"Apparently." You sigh, a bit loud, forgetting he can hear you. 

"Ouch, don't need to sound too excited." He tells you not at all hiding his frown. 

"No, I didn't." You stop not knowing how to go back from that. "Sorry, that was rude of me." 

He nods, not saying anything more, and you take it as a sign to continue. 

"I-i, well, after our last class ended, I figured that was that. You said goodbye in the last email, so I figured that was the end of our friendship, if you can even call it that." 

"I thought my email would give the opposite impression, but not everything can translate as smoothly when talking." He tells you, which causes you to pause. 

"Your email literally said goodbye," You blurt out before you can stop yourself.

He hides his smile, "My subject said goodbye, the content said quite the opposite. You did read it, right?" 

You duck your head, not allowing yourself to meet his eye even through a computer screen, too embarrassed to be caught. "Well, no, I didn't. Hurt my feelings, just seeing the goodbye." You look up and see his eyes soften, giving you just a bit more courage to continue. "I've always struggled to make friends, I have like three good friends, and it's hard putting myself out there, and I didn't actually if you considered me a friend or not." 

"Y/N" He breathes out your name.

You stop him before he can continue. "Do you mind if I read it now?" 

Harry shakes his head. 

You restore down the zoom and open up your Gmail on the split-screen. You find it reasonably quickly; you look up at him to see him patiently sitting back chipping at his nails. They are a pastel yellow; it makes you smile, knowing just yesterday you went from that color to a deep red. 

hstyles@gmail.com 

Subject: Goodbye 

Y/N, 

It's been enjoyable emailing back and forth. I honestly would not have passed this class without you. I think you are brilliant and if I had you in every course, I would finish with A's in them all. So, thank you for having the patience to teach me. 

Also, thank you for being my friend. I know we mostly talked about school work. Still, you did help me decide on what coat to buy for my sister, so I know that makes us friends, and I did help you get that switch for your little brother. (That was like trying to buy floor tickets for Lady Gaga.)

On another note, after emailing for twelve weeks, I was wondering if I could have your number. I would like the chance to give you a call and formally ask you on a date. I know we're in the middle of a pandemic, and dating is hard, but we can do zoom dates before we try in person. 

I understand if it's a no, but I am really grateful to have met you.

Your friend (although I do want to try to be more)

Harry Styles 

City Pointe Apt 32 (in case you want to send a care package, I would gladly return the favor)

"Oh, Harry," You inhale, "I'm so sorry." 

"No worries." He shrugs. 

You pause, thinking your next words. "I live in Rose Villa." Those were not the words you wanted to say, but you don't take it back. 

"That's across the street from my building." He gasps. "We could have run into each other." 

You nod. "Small world." 

Harry brings his focus back to something you skipped over. "I realize you didn't mention the part of asking you on a date." 

"Oh, I figured you over that now. It's been well over a month since I ignored your email." You grimace, starting to feel awful about it all over again. 

"I guess it was email abandonment this time." He jokes.

You laugh, and it gets Harry laughing as well. He was always good at that, making you laugh and not be so serious even if he didn't know it. 

"Y/N," Harry's voice was strong, no signs of laughter in his trace. You lock eyes as best you can through a computer screen. "I would still very much like to take you on a date."

A date with Harry. 

You want to say yes, but it's like you're frozen. 

"Can I say something else before you give me an answer?" You nod, waiting for him to go on. "Sarah Jones, do you know her?" 

Sarah Jones, you rack your brain trying to place her. 

The theater composer. She's written original tracks for the theatre department for the original plays they've done and remakes. She's won countless awards.

Sarah even won the talent show. Played a killer drum solo that no one else could ever think of topping. 

If you're honest, she's the definition of your girl crush. 

"We follow each other on social media. We met at a paint night; she was really easy to talk to." You tell him, remembering how sweet she was to you when she saw you walk in, and just as you were about to walk out, she introduced herself to you, asking to sit with you. 

He nods. "Sarah is my roommate's girlfriend. Mitch and Sarah practically live together; he's so in love with her it truly is the sweetest thing. Back to the point, she overheard me talking about you to Mitch and spoke how she knew you. Then I proceeded to stalk your Instagram on her account. I hope that's not weird." 

You laugh, and it causes Harry to calm down, "Not weird at all. I would have done the same thing, but as you can see, I rarely upload anything." 

"Well, the things you do have, I think, are wonderful." He rambles on explaining how your beach photo on a bike with a pretty pink basket was one of his favorites and how cute you look wearing sweaters. 

As endearing as Harry was being, you decided to put him out of his misery. "Harry," you interrupt. 

"Yes." 

"I'd love to go on a date with you." 

"You would?" He gasps in surprise. 

"Yes." 

"That's fantastic. I think this is the best birthday gift I could have received." He tells you, but you're stuck on the last thing he said. 

"It's your birthday?" 

Harry smiles sheepishly. "Yes." 

"Happy Birthday, Harry." You tell him softly, a big smile on your face.

A blush overtakes his face; you can tell he wishes to cover up his face with hands but holds back from doing so. "Thank you." 

"Do you have any plans?" 

"No, well. Mitch and Sarah are coming over for lunch in a bit. Then they are off to study at Sarah's for the week. Her roommates are gone for the week." 

You frown, not liking that he'll spend the rest of his birthday alone. 

"Would you-never mind" You stop yourself from being able to invite yourself over to celebrate with him?

"Hey, it's okay. Whatever you wanted to say, I wouldn't judge you, love." His voice was soft and reassuring. 

"Well, I'd love to come over and hang out with you if that's okay. I can make us dinner, I make delicious enchiladas. Also, my carrot cake is to die for." 

Harry is surprised at her offer but nods his head quickly. "That sounds wonderful, but you don't have to cook for me. We can order takeout."

She shakes her head. "Consider it my gift to you." 

"Well, okay. Is six okay for you?" He bites his lip, not believing this is happening.

"Perfect." 

You sit there smiling at each other. 

When a message pops up overhead, "You have five minutes left before we join back as a group."

Your eyes go wide, having forgotten you were in class. "We didn't even discuss the assignment." 

Harry shakes his head in laughter, a smile spreads over your face. He has an adorable laugh that just rings through your ears, and you can't wait to hear it in person. 

"We've got time, now that it seems we'll be getting to know each other better." 

You relax, settling a bit, you have weeks before the assignment is due.

"I'll email you my number, love. Easier to communicate for later."

"Sounds great." You respond. 

_____

It's five-fifty, and you're standing outside his door. You're more than a little nervous. You're wearing high waisted jeans paired with a black off the shoulder top with floral embroidered sleeves. You decided against a sweater knowing the short walk would keep you warm enough. Your mask is red, with three small hearts stitched on the lower right side. Perfect for February. 

You shift the items in your hand to the right and lift your hand up to knock. After three gentle knocks, you hear footsteps and take a step back. 

"Hi," Harry breathes out, a big smile on his face.

"Hello, Harry, happy birthday." 

"Thank you." He smiles wide, blessing you with his dimples. Definitely look better in person. "Please come in." He grabs some of the items from your hand and allows you to step in before locking the door behind you. 

"Your mask is lovely. Did you make it?" 

"I did!" You share excitedly. "My roommate, Amy, and I spent lots of our free time making a different kind. We took old shirts we no longer wanted and used for the material. It was a lot of trial and error, but we're pretty solid at it now. My embroidery could use some work, but I think it's lovely. 

"It really is. Would you make me one?" He asks, staring at you as you pocket your mask. No longer needing it in his home. 

"Yes, I'll send you pictures of the fabric I have, or you could come over, and I can teach you as well." You tell him, excited at the prospect. 

"Sounds like a wonderful date." You nod, feeling your body get warm at the word date because today could also classify as a date. 

Harry knocks you out of your head when calling your name. "Turned the oven on like you requested." He informs you. 

"Thank you, my mom showed me how to make them, but I learned about the melted cheese on my own. She wasn't a big fan of it, but everyone else I know loves it, so I hope you will as well." 

Harry grabs your hand and gives it a squeeze. "I'm sure it's wonderful." He bumps your shoulder gently. "Go finish up; I'll set the table." 

He pushes you into the kitchen, and you go in and place your stuff. Harry is whistling, settling down on the table two glasses and two forks when you turn back around towards him. 

Harry turns around just in time for you to wrap your hands around his waist. You fit perfectly in his arms, taking in his musky scent. "Happy birthday, Harry." You whisper against his chest.

He squeezes you tighter, leaning his head on top of yours. "Thank you, love." 

He pulls back, holding you by your shoulders. A big smile on his face, you reciprocate it feeling his happiness warm your heart. 

"Run along now; I'm starving." He jokes.

You walk backward, creating distance; as his left-hand trails down your right hand slowly until he's touching your fingertips, do you pull away. Although you, more than anything, wanted to hold his hand. You want to feel the weight of it in yours; you want to know if his hands are soft or calloused. How cool his rings will feel against your palm. All in due time. 

"I'm happy to be here." 

"Me too, love. Me too." 

It's safe to say you were more than luckily going to have yourself a valentine for the first time in a long time. 

[babymetaldoll]

DIWK - Chapter four: "Hurt"

Words count: 13,7K

The gif is mine ✨

Warnings: Hardcore Spencer trauma. Mention of drug abuse,  torture, Criminal Minds usual case triggers. Spoilers of Season 2 E14/15 Criminal Minds.

Summary: An unsub abducts Spencer, and reader blames JJ for it.

A/N: Have you ever wished you were there to save Spencer from Tobias Hankel? I know I have. I know reader wants to... I'm dying to know what you'll think of this chapter! Sorry if it's a little too graphic, writing Spencer's POV of this episode was really hard.

Series Masterlist

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen |

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(Y/N)'s point of view

I remember the day Emily Prentiss arrived. We had a case in Saint Louis. Two serial killers, 'cos it couldn't just be one asshole making everyone miserable. And on top of all, Hotch was confused and upset 'cos he never signed Emily's transfer to the BAU. It was like someone was trying to force her into the team, and we all thought it was weird.

We left the bullpen off to the case and left Prentiss in the office, not knowing if she actually got the job or not. I know Elle and I weren't incredibly close, but it still felt weird to think someone might join the team and try to replace her. It didn't work that way in that job. It didn't feel right at the moment.

There is something I also distinctly remember about that day: Gideon talked to me. And not only that, but he actually trusted my knowledge. We hadn't been on the best terms for a few months, so that approach meant a lot to me.

We were at the police station. Reid and I had been analyzing the letters one of the killers had sent to a journalist to find something that might help us catch him before there were any more victims. That's when JJ and Jason walked in, and he asked about our progress.

- "He only sent this to an individual, which shows he is not confident enough to initiate contact with the masses."- Spencer explained as he projected an image of the letter on the wall.

- "Emotional indicators are analyzed through slants, and you can see the shooter maintains vertical, narrow letter writing, and both are signs of repression"- I said and pointed at the image on the wall- "And the pressure, if you look closely, it's excessively heavy, which shows that he's uptight and can easily overreact."

Gideon looked at me and nodded. It was my cue to keep on talking. For once in a long time, I was feeling approved by him.

- "You got all that from his handwriting?"- JJ asked me, surprised. Reid looked at me from the other side of the room, and I could feel his smile reflecting how proud he was of me.

- "Graphology is an effective and reliable indicator of personality and behavior."

- "But my writing is always different,"- she added, and I nodded. I was waiting for that comment.

- "Yes, because it represents your emotions at the moment, just like your facial expressions parallel the way you are feeling while you are speaking."

- "What else can we know about our unsub from this?"- Gideon asked me.

- "Well, our killer uses simple statements, all first person, like "I won't be ignored," which means he's obviously tired of feeling this way. He may have a job in solitude or one that he feels strips of his identity. His work might require him to wear a uniform, something that shows absolutely no individuality, or he may be overqualified for his menial job and feels that he doesn't get the respect that he necessarily deserves."

I made a pause and waited for his words. I was giving my best, and I swear I was still hoping I could ever get Jason Gideon's blessing.

- "I think we are ready to give a profile,"- he said and nodded.

And damn, that felt good.

When we were back in Quantico, Hotch had a long and clearly awkward conversation with the section chief, Erin Strauss. She was scary. She was clearly trying to get rid of Hotch, questioning his work daily, decisions, and how he managed the team. Why? I have no idea.

It felt she forced him to accept Prentiss into the team. We were one man down after Elle left. Ok, one awesome woman down, so we definitely needed some help. And Emily was a great addition from day one.

We clicked right away. Prentiss was funny, smart, but most of all, she constantly had to prove she deserved to be there. Just like me. Gideon gave her the cold shoulder from day one, and that I could relate. The only difference was that she won him over in a few days, though. I was still trying to win that battle.

Garcia decided we needed a girl's night, and she hosted the first of many "BAU Girl Power get together." Basically, it was us at Penelope's place drinking and talking.

That first night, we updated Prentiss with everything that had happened with Elle. She wanted to know everything about us, what we did, how long we've been on the team, and how we all got along. It was sweet and fresh. After that year in the BAU, I had already learned to enjoy the sweet things in life. Like getting drunk with my work girlfriends.

- "So, does Hotch ever smile?"- Emily asked, and we all laughed at the very same time. Yes, it was getting late, and we weren't as sober as we should have been.

- "He does! he does!"- JJ assured us- "You should see him with his baby."

- "He is a dad?"- Emily was shocked. I was surprised too when I found out Aaron was married and with a baby. The amount of time he spends at work always made me feel he had zero personal life.

- "And has a beautiful wife"- JJ added- "He is always laughing when he is with her and baby Jack."

- "I guess this job can drain the happiness from your day... "- I thought out loud, but before anyone could say anything about my dark and bitter comment, my cell phone rang.

- "Hey honey bunny, everything ok?"- I stood up and walked to the kitchen. I didn't want to interrupt the girl's conversations.

- "Yes, I just wanted to make sure you were drinking enough water between drinks"- I laughed and shook my head. Only Reid could call to say such a thing. He was the sweetest friend on earth.

- "Yes, I am, don't worry. I'm not going to be hungover or drunk tomorrow. I know you are excited about the new exposition."

- "You are gonna love it!"

- "I am sure I will"- and I wasn't kidding. I loved when he dragged me to the Smithsonian or any museum for some nerdy fun.

- "Have fun with the girls."

- "What are you doing, by the way?"

- "Just reading a little, you left your complete Sherlock Holmes collection here, so I'll be solving mysteries while you get drunk."

- "Don't have too much fun without me"- he chuckled and ended the call. I smiled and walked back to the girls looking at me with a funny grin on their faces.

- "Was that your boyfriend?"- Penelope asked me, and I frowned right away.

- "No, it was Reid. He just wanted to confirm we are going to the museum tomorrow."

- "Wait"- Prentiss narrowed her brows and looked at us confused- "Reid ain't your boyfriend?"

JJ and Garcia's laughter was epical, as well as my frown. They nearly gasped for air while Prentiss and I waited until they calmed down.

- "No"- I finally answered- "Reid is not my boyfriend."

- "He is more than that; he is her work husband,"- Penelope clarified, and I turned to her with my mouth wide open, shocked.

- "What the fuck? Reid ain't my work husband. He is my best friend!!"

- "Yes, and you happen to call your best friend "honey bunny," right?"- JJ questioned, just like she had a few months before when we were alone in our room away on a case.

- "Reid is my best friend, and yes, I call all my close friends by weird pet names. You will get one too if you are lucky."

- "But I thought"- Emily continued- "I mean, he looks at you like you are his sun."

- "No, Prentiss, the only coupe in this team is the one between "chocolate thunder" and "baby girl" right here"- I pointed at Garcia, and she just blushed and covered her face.

- "My love for Derek will burn forever with the intensity of a thousand suns. I mean, have you seen that man? he was made by the gods and sent to earth just to give my existence some sense"- we all laughed at those cheesy words, though Pen was serious about them.

- "But, have you ever...?- JJ looked at her and made a pause. We were all looking at every single facial movement or behavior she might show to read her body language."

- "My relationship with my loverman could never be tainted by something as mundane as sex."

- "Like you wouldn't lick honey from that six-pack and ride that thunder."

The words just left my lips, and I blame the buzz. BAU (Y/N) would have never said that. Drunk (Y/N) would, totally.

The girls laughed until tears fell from their eyes, and I just chuckled, honestly happy to make them laugh. I had been more of the real me than I had ever actually been around them in nearly a year.

- "Hello?"- my phone rang again when I was walking out of the bathroom. And this time, it was Paul.

- "Hey babe, what are you doing?"

- "Hey, I'm..."- I looked at the girls in front of me and sighed- "I'm stuck with paperwork"- and they turned to me immediately. I could read the "What the fuck" on their faces.

- "Well, I'm at Rob's in case you feel like dropping by. We are writing a few songs."

- "I'll text you if I finish with this early, but... have fun."

- "Ok, bye"- I hung up and sighed.

- "And that was..."- Prentiss asked, frowning.

- "My boyfriend,"- I explained and grabbed another beer

- "Sure, I could feel the passion,"- Garcia joked, but I just didn't think it was funny.

I knew my relationship with Paul wasn't alright. Actually, things with Paul weren't. Period. We were done, it was apparent, but still, neither of us had said it. That relationship was just a few phone calls every once in a while, only to make small talks. When we were together, we would just watch a movie, eat something, drink a few beers, and that was it. It had been a long time since we had sex or even made out. I don't know why I didn't end it sooner. I guess I was just afraid to do it.

But I let more months pass before I actually did something.

Spencer's point of view

I'm not proud of what happened that year after Prentiss joined the team. I think that year changed me profoundly, and a part of me never fully recovered afterward.

Maybe it had to be that way, and it was something I had to go through to grow up. I guess I'm still trying to make some sense of all the misery I put my friends through. Mostly (Y/N). She was in hell with me.

A few weeks after New Year, we started working on a case. Someone was killing wealthy people in their own homes. At first, we thought there were two unsubs, 'cos one of them called 911 after killing, and you could hear them struggling and arguing. But no, it was just one.

Tobias Hankel was a delusional serial killer. He had split personalities, not two but actually three. His father, the one who tortured me. The archangel Raphael, who was trying to make God's will, killing people. And himself, who wanted to save me, but instead, he nearly destroyed me.

What do I remember about the day he kidnapped me? I remember I was stupid enough to try to catch an unsub alone, just to prove I could take care of myself on the field. Hotch sent me and JJ to talk to Hankel at his house, 'cos apparently, he might have seen the unsub months earlier. But no, he was the unsub, and neither JJ nor me could stop him.

We hid in a barn, and I was so eager to prove I could catch him; I told JJ we had to split up to cover the place. I was counting on Hotch to get there with the team sooner than they did, and before I realized it, I was in the middle of a cornfield, and Hankel was pointing at me with my own gun.

I was sure I was going to die right there. All of Hankel's personalities were struggling inside of him. I couldn't stop thinking about why I thought I could do it on my own? Why had I been a reckless asshole? Was it because I wanted to prove I was an excellent SAA? Because I wanted to impress JJ? Maybe I tried to convince myself I could do the same job my team did. I knew I wasn't the most physical person, but I had a gun. I had been trained to capture killers.

Yes, I was an asshole that day, and I've regretted everything that happened that night many, many times in the following years.

When I woke up, I was tied to a chair, and the archangel Raphael had taken Hankel's mind completely. The room was dark, and it smelled awful. He was burning fish hearts and livers, 'cos he believed it kept the devil away.

I was confused and lost. My head was spinning, and my heart was about to burst into my chest. I knew I could die any second now. Raphael wasn't the one to show mercy. That's what I had learned from all the videos Hankel had uploaded to the web. He had shared with the world every murder they had committed to show the other sinners what was going to happen to them.

- "They believe you can see inside men's minds"- Raphael looked at me with dark eyes, implying he meant Tobias and his father

- "It's not true. I study human behavior."- my voice was shaking. I knew I had never been more scared in my entire life. He took out a gun and showed me one bullet.

- "Do you know what this is? It's God's will."

Things didn't look good for me. He put it in the cylinder of the revolver and spun it. He was going to let my life to luck.

- "You don't have to do this"- I tried to talk him out of it, though I knew it wasn't going to work.

- "No go, sinners, to your God."

And he pressed the trigger.

What went through my mind the seconds that passed between having the gun pointed to my face and realizing I had lived? My mom. All I could think of was how my mom would react to the news of my death. I could never bear to hurt her like that. I couldn't die. I couldn't leave her alone.

I sighed, relieved, and bit my lips not to cry. Raphael looked at me with a blank expression and walked out of the room. I had survived for now.

I struggled with my handcuff, but it was useless. My head was killing me. I could feel the open wound on my head, still dripping blood on my temple and head. I tried to focus on the pain for a few minutes, just to make sure I was awake. It was a nightmare, and keeping myself sane and conscious under those circumstances was nearly impossible.

How was I going to get out of there alive? Did the team know where I was? I had no idea where I had been taken. I had been unconscious the whole way. It was dark, and I couldn't see much around me. I wasn't afraid of that darkness. I was more fearful of the man that left me alone, 'cos he was armed and mentally unstable. Darkness had nothing on him.

I had to focus on the things that kept me sane. The things that made me want to get out of that room alive.

- "My name is Spencer Walter Reid. I'm twenty-five years old, my mother's name is Diana Reid, I was born in Las Vegas, October 28th, 1981."

I closed my eyes and tried to think of all the things that made me happy.

- "I work at the BAU, my best friend's name is (Y/N), and she sits at the desk in front of me. Derek Morgan is the closest I've got to an older brother."

He was. He still is. You have to be close to dead to start seeing things clearly sometimes. Derek was my brother. He treated me like a kid, but a kid brother. He was always teasing me, trying to teach me how to pick up girls, trying to drag me to the gym with him. Derek was a good friend, we were very different, and I knew if we had been classmates in high school, we would probably never have talked. He was a jock, and I was a nerd. But life had brought us together. And now I couldn't think of a better friend than him.

I tried to focus on my happiest memories. My birthday came to mind. The guys had planned a Halloween-themed birthday party at the conference room of the BAU. Of course, Garcia baked a cake and (Y/N) helped her decorate it. It was incredible, 'cos it was covered with tiny gourds and skulls.

- "Frank and Mikey sent you these,"- she announced after everybody had given me their presents. I wide opened my eyes in shock 'cos I had no idea her friends knew it was my birthday or even cared about it.

- "Why?"- I had to ask.

- "'Cos they think you are amazing. They actually wanted to come over to your house and have a few beers tonight."- I opened my mouth to say something, but Derek interrupted me.

- "Pretty boy is gonna get to work hungover again."

- "Shut up"- (Y/N) and I said at the same time, making everybody chuckle. I opened the present her friends had sent me and laughed right away.

- "Lucky Doc"- I read and took out of the bag a Sports Illustrated issue with Lila Archer on the cover. My cheeks turned red immediately.

- "Frank still hasn't overcome that story. I think he will hate you forever"- (Y/N) laughed (along with the rest of the team) and gave me another present.

- "They also sent you this. They said you were going to like the man in black"- it was a Johnny Cash's vinyl- "Frank picked it. He thinks he is some sort of musical psychic that can read people's taste in music."

- "We should get together and have a few beers one of these days. I need to thank them for these."

Gideon looked at me in silence as soon as I said those words. But I didn't care if he disapproved. I was going to be (Y/N)'s friend, whether he liked it or not.

He is the closest I've had to a dad in the latest years. He cares about me, and he tries to make the best of me that he can. Yes, he can be too apprehensive. I think that's a way to put it. But only because he wants me to be the best profiler I can be.

I never thought I would end up working at the BAU. I never thought I would love the job I do as much as I do. Back when I was in college, I thought I would dedicate my life to finding a cure for schizophrenia, but I ended up hunting serial killers across the country.

And though I was about to die, I didn't regret any of the decisions that led me there.

The morning found me shaking, cold, and scared. I was in a small cabin in the woods. Just like the worst and more cliché horror movie ever made. This was my own horror movie.

- "What are you staring at, boy?"- Tobias opened the front door carrying logs for the fire. His voice had changed yet again, so I knew it wasn't the same person I had talked to the night before.

- "You are not Raphael."- I whispered, looking at every movement he did.

- "Do I look like Raphael?"- had I insulted him? I couldn't tell. He turned to the fire, and I took a deep breath, doing my best to stay calm.

- "Thank you for burning those, for keeping us safe."- I said, looking at the fish hearts and livers he was preparing to put on the fire.

- "Don't try to trick me."

- "I would never try to trick you."

- "You are a liar."

- I'm not a liar."- it was hard to stay calm and not start screaming for help or mercy, but I knew that was going to take me nowhere with him.

- "Lying is a sin."

- "I'm not a liar."- he walked closer to me, and sat right in front of me, held my leg up, and grabbed my foot.

- "This will be over quickly if you just confess your sins."

- "I am not a sinner"- I whispered again. He took off my shoe.

- "We are all sinners."- it didn't look good for me, not at all, and I knew I had to talk to him with his words with his beliefs to save my life.

- "The Lord spake unto Moses saying "Speak unto all the congregation of the children of the lord" and say unto them, ye shall be holy, for I, the Lord your God, am holy."

Hankel, this time in the personality of his father, looked at me surprised. I might have done something right, 'cos he stopped moving, and for a second, I thought it was going to be ok.

- "You know Leviticus."

- "I know every word of the bible. I can recite it for you."- but his eyes turned dark again.

- "The devil knows how to read too."

- "I'm not a devil, I'm not a devil2- I repeated, and couldn't stop shaking, 'cos my life on the hands of a sociopath.

- "I'm a man, my name is Spencer Reid, and I have a mother, and I have a father just like you, and they taught me the bible, let me recite the bible."

My voice cracked at the knowledge of what he was going to do. He stood up, still holding my foot. He was going to torture me, he was going to try to break me, and I had to be strong. I didn't know how I would find the strength, but I had to be strong.

- "Time to confess, Spencer Reid"- and without further notice, he slapped a log against my foot, making me scream in pain. It hurt from the tip of my toes until the back of my skull. I hadn't felt that kind of pain, and it was worse knowing he was just getting started. Tears started falling down my cheeks in no time.

- "Confess!"

- "I don't have anything to confess."- I whimpered and closed my eyes, 'cos I knew he was going to continue his torture. And so he did. The pain was excruciating. I was sure I was going to pass out

I tried to go to a happy place in my head, somewhere when I could hide from all that pain. It was too hard, though. It hurt too much. I kept repeating over and over again I wasn't a sinner, begging Hankel for mercy, as he shouted I had to confess.

I made an effort to think about what he might want me to say. What did he want me to confess? Which sins was he talking about? But nothing came to my mind, nothing but the pain and the fear of dying.

(Y/N)'s point of view

The second we reached Hankel's cabin, I started looking for Spencer. I had a horrible feeling about it. Morgan and I headed it to a barn with Prentiss. There was no sign of anyone. It was dark and quiet. Never a good sign.

- "Shit!"- I whispered, staring at three dead dogs and a bath of blood in front of me. There laid the body of another victim that was missing from Hankel's last attack.

- "FBI!!"- JJ shouted suddenly. She was pointing his gun to us, clearly in shock- "Don't move!!"

- "JJ, it's Morgan, (Y/L/N), and Prentiss! Don't shoot"- Derek tried to calm her down, walking towards her- "Are you hurt?"- she lowered the gun and stared at us. You could read the fear and the trauma in her eyes.

- "Tobias Hankel is the unsub,"- she whispered as Prentiss rubbed her arm sweetly, trying to comfort her.

- "Yeah, we know"- I moved towards her too and put my gun back into the holster.

- "And we thought he was just a witness"- we looked around, and JJ pointed at the dead dogs.

- "JJ, where is Reid?"- Derek asked her, but she just continued talking.

- "They completely tore her apart"

- "JJ, look at me,"- I said and held her arm carefully- "Look at me, where's Reid?"- she was shaking, and her voice was cracking. I knew she was making her best effort to pull herself together.

- "We split up. He said he was going to go in the back."

And there it was. That was the reason why I had a bad feeling all along. Derek looked at me and nodded as we read each other's minds. The two of us turned around and ran outside, leaving JJ with Prentiss, waiting for the medical team and ambulance to check on her wounds.

Gideon and Hotch were inside the cabin, looking for Hankel, but there was no one there. And there was no sign of Reid behind the barn either, in the cornfield, or anywhere in the perimeter. Reid was nowhere to be found, and I started losing it little by little. I tried to repeat myself the words Hotch had said many times during my year in the BAU: "when you are out there with the team; your mind has to be one hundred percent on the case." But the case had never included my best friend missing before.

- "Hey, is there any sign of him yet?- I asked the police chief as I reached the ambulance. He was there talking with JJ, making sure she was ok.

- "We got every one of our units on the road. He won't make it far"- I nodded and watched him walk away. I knew he thought I was talking about Hankel, but I actually meant Reid.

I turned to JJ and moved a little closer to her. Her eyes open wide, staring back at me.

- "You can't find Reid?"- I just shook my head and tried to sound as casual as I could, not to freak her out. She was still in shock. I didn't want to make it worse.

- "Not yet"

- "(Y/N)"- Derek held my arm and forced me to walk away from the ambulance.- "Reid followed him into the cornfield. It looks like somebody got dragged."

My heart stopped. Did the psychopath hurt Spencer? Did he kill him? Did he torture him? Was he hurt? Was he alive? Where was he? Derek looked at me, and I nodded. I bit my lips and took a deep breath. Hotch's words were my mantra now: "your mind has to be one hundred percent on the case."

- "Are you sure?"- we turned to the police's chief, overhearing his conversation- "We are on our way now."

- "What's going on?"

- "The sheriff down two towns over, he just gave directions to a man who fit Hankel's descriptions. It's to a motor lodge in fort bend."

- "Let's get Hotch and Gideon"- Derek held my arm and walked with me to the cabin. We had to find Reid, and we had to do it fast.

That was the worst night of my life. The first worst night of my life, to be sincere. I didn't close an eye. I went through every paper, every note, every detail in that cabin, trying to find a clue that could lead us to where Tobias had taken Reid.

I felt someone had ripped my heart from my chest. I had to think straight, and to do it, I had to keep a cold head. But as the hours passed, it became a more demanding and more challenging task to complete. I knew the whole team was suffering, but that didn't ease my pain. And I knew JJ felt guilty, but that didn't stop me from blaming her in my mind. She left him alone. I would have never left Spencer alone on the field.

- "(Y/N), you should try to get some rest."

Derek whispered as he sat on the floor next to me, where I had been sitting for the last half hour, reading Tobias's old diaries. Nothing but fear of his father, mentions of Dilaudid use, and bible transcriptions.

- "I'm ok,"- I answered and didn't even take my eyes from the pages.

- "(Y/N), I mean it"

- "I'm not going to rest if he is out there in the hands of a psychopath, Derek"- I had to bite my lips and shut the fuck up, 'cos if I said one more word, I knew I was going to burst into tears.

Morgan just wrapped an arm around my shoulders and moved me closer to him. That was the first time I let him hug me, and it felt good to know I wasn't alone in my desperation. I knew he loved Reid like a brother, and neither of us was going to stop until we found him.

- "Welcome to our nightmare"- JJ's voice broke the silence we had been into for the last hour when Hotch walked into the cabin with Penelope.

It was morning already. There were still no signs of Reid. Prentiss, Gideon, JJ, and I had been sitting at the table, reading everything we could.

- "His computer is an extension of his brain. I need you to dissect it,"- Gideon whispered to García. You could feel the concern in his voice. She just nodded in shock and turned to Derek, who held her hand and helped her get set up in the computer room.

- "So, nothing new since I left?"- Hotch asked and looked at us. I just shook my head and continued reading.

- "Well, the good thing is the guy documented practically every second of his life"- Prentiss words took me from the pages I was reading. I looked at her and raised an eyebrow. The concept of "good" was poorly used in that phrase.

- "The bad news is, we are still un-piling,"- she added and sighed.

- "From the looks of it, he hasn't left this place in years,"- JJ managed to say. She made her best effort to be useful, but she was in worse shape than everybody else. Yet, that didn't make me feel bad for her. I was mad at her and kept making my best to put it aside, 'cos my head had to be in the case.

- "He knew he could pretend to be looking for a motel and throw us off his trail,"- Emily inferred, but I shook my head as soon as I heard her.

- "No, no, no, it's more than that!"- I shook my head and took a deep breath- "Sheriff's office, 911 calls, every time he engages the police and gets away with it... he reassures himself, God's on his side. Not ours."- I added.

Gideon nodded, and we shared a moment of agreement. He was as worried as I was. I could feel it. I'm not saying the rest of the team wasn't, I'm saying Jason was as fucked up as I was, and I could sense he was having the same trouble I had making sure my head and not my sentiments were into the case.

But if anything happened to Reid, I didn't know what I was capable of doing.

At a certain point, I got sick of reading and not doing anything and decided to look around the house again if we had missed anything. Derek went along. One part of me felt he wanted to stay away from JJ too. Maybe he was as mad as I was about her leaving Reid alone. I know I couldn't blame her, but I did it anyway.

- "Guys!! I think I've got something!"- Derek yelled, and I ran over. He opened a door that led to a basement. I walked right behind him, pointing my gun and my flashlight all over. But there was no sign of Reid.

- "Tobias Hankel!!"- Morgan shouted. Someone was sitting in what looked to be a gigantic freezer- "Tobias!"- but we didn't get any response. I took a step closer and examined carefully.

- "Morgan, I think we just found Hankel's father."

Spencer's point of view

On my second night in that cabin, I met Tobias. The third personality of Hankel walked into the room, carrying what seemed to be a dead deer. He looked as frightened as I was.

- "You need to eat."

- "What's your name?"

- "Tobias."

- "Tobias, who was here before?"

- "Probably my father."

He looked at me up and down, and he immediately understood what he had done to me. It was scary how he could dissociate. Someone with multiple personality disorder is usually unaware of the other personality states and memories when an alter is dominant. In this case, Tobias knew the other personalities but considered them different persons. He didn't think they were all in his head.

- "I'm sorry if he hurt you."

He looked at me like he understood everything I had been going through. Maybe he had been through something similar when his father was alive. Perhaps he had been a victim of Hankel as well, and that's what triggered his psychopathic nature.

He walked over and took out his belt.

- "What are you doing?"- he wrapped it around my arm, and I started begging him to stop.

- "It helps"- he took out of his pocket a needle and a small bottle of what seemed to be some kind of drug.

- "Don't tell my father. He doesn't know they are here."

- "Please, I don't want it, I don't want it, please"- I cried and begged.

- "It helps. I know"- it was the last thing Tobias said before the needle found my vein.

And he was right. It helped. Every single amount of pain I was feeling disappeared. My brain shut down. Somehow, everything was ok. I never had in my entire life felt so good before.

My mind kept flashing memories of when I was a kid. I kept seeing images of the day my father left and how he called my mother crazy.

- "You are weak"- mom spit those words after he refused to take me with him. I know she said it not because she didn't want me with her, but because mom knew she was sick and wanted the best for me. And he refused.

- "I'm not weak."- I whispered as I looked at her smiling back at me.

- "I know, honey."

I don't know how long I was drugged, but when I woke up, Tobias wasn't there with me anymore. It was his father.

And the torture continued.

(Y/N)'s point of view

Gideon was trying to convince me to go out with Prentiss and JJ to see a Narcotics anonymous's contact that might give us more information about Tobias. Emily had found some flyers about it in his room, and it could be the only lead we had to find him and Reid.

- "You need to get out of this house for a while"- he whispered and tapped on my back.

I knew he wasn't the one to be loving or physical with people, less with me. But that moved me. I turned to him and my eyes watered up. I was scared, and I couldn't hide it anymore. The more hours passed, the fewer the chances were to find Spencer safe. Alive.

I felt his arms around me suddenly, holding me tight, trying to keep the pieces of me together. We were alone on the porch, and though I didn't want to fall apart, I couldn't hold it anymore.

Jason didn't say a word. He just hugged me and let me cry for a few minutes. I didn't say anything either. I actually couldn't because I was overwhelmed with everything.

- "Are you ready, (Y/N)?"

Prentiss whispered as she walked over with JJ. I turned my back at them for a second to hide the tears that kept falling down my cheeks. I knew it was a shitty thing to do, 'cos it was obvious I had been sobbing, but they gave me the courtesy of not saying anything.

- "You go, I need (Y/N)'s assistance with some diary entries"- the two of them walked away quietly, and thankfully, didn't argue with Gideon.

- "Thank you,"- I whispered and felt his hand on my shoulder one more time.

- "You are doing a fantastic job,"- he said and turned around.

I wish I could tell you that made me feel better, but instead, I just thought I had the duty to bring my friend back home safe.

It had been at least an hour since the girls left. Morgan, Hotch, Gideon, and the police chief were in the living room with me, reading. I sipped my hundredth cup of coffee and re-read the same diary entry for the third time.

- "There's something weird going on here."- I thought out loud and walked towards Gideon

- "You think?"- the police chief turned to me and raised an eyebrow, ironically.

- "No, seriously, check this out. This journal is filled with religious ramblings. He notated hour by hour: "November 15th, 3:17, if ye offer a sacrifice of peace offering unto the Lord, ye shall offer it at your own will", and it goes on and on: 5:04, 7:41, 10:22, 1:42."

I made a short pause and looked at Gideon and Hotch. They didn't get where I was going.

- "But then, it goes blank for days."

- "Maybe he got sick of writing"- I seriously hated that police chief.

- "I think I got it"- Hotch whispered- "Journal entry: "December 6th. Father is sick. He wants me to put him down. I say thou shalt not kill. He said, honor thy father. Must pray for guidance."

- "So he kills his father as an act of mercy?"- Gideon asked, knowing the answer.

- "This is two months ago. Tobias Hankel's father had been dead for four months already."

- "That's exactly it"- I murmured, thinking Tobias Hankel was way more fucked up than we thought.

- "Look at the floor"- Derek pointed at a chair and moved it- "These scuffs marks are fresh. It's like two people were pushing the chairs constantly, trying to fight for control."

- "So?"- I swear to God, that chief was driving me insane.

- "This journal matches Charles Hankel's handwriting, but it was written after he died"- I explained. Still, it felt he wasn't following me.

- "What do you mean?"

- "Upstairs, Tobias' bedroom got junk piled from floor to ceiling, but the other bedroom could pass a military inspection."

- "So, are you telling me one of Tobias' personalities was his father?"

Apparently, I had to draw a picture so the chief would get it. Fortunately, Gideon continued explaining the whole problem before I lost what was left of my patience.

- "Well, Tobias was raised with a strict religious code, black and white, right and wrong. When his father asked Tobias to kill him, something had to give."

- "His brain couldn't handle the moral contradiction, so he split into two personalities to keep his father alive."

Hotch tried to put it most easy and simple words possible.

- "So, who is Raphael?"

- "My guess, he is a mediator between the two"- Gideon nodded at my words and sighed.

- "Angels have no human emotions, live or die. They don't care, as long it's God's will."

- "We need to start profiling Tobias' father. He may be the one who chose where to take Reid."

Finally, I felt we were going somewhere.

When Emily and JJ came back, they gave us the news. Tobias was addicted to Dilaudid, which explained the fracture in his mind, and how he lived with three distinct personalities.

The police chief announced a computer store robbery, giving us some hopes that Tobias would use them to track him down.

- "Guys!! Guys!! get in here!!- I heard Derek shouting and I ran to the computer room. I felt sick in the stomach in less than a second. There he was, Spencer. My Spencer Walter Reid, tied to a chair, bleeding, shoeless. Clearly tortured.

- "He's been beating,"- I whispered, feeling my eyes water up. I would have given anything to be there instead of him.

- "Can you track him?!"- JJ yelled by my side, and I nearly smacked her. That's how sensitive I was feeling.

- "Hankel's only streaming this to his home computer."- Garcia whispered. And my heart dropped with those words.

That wasn't what I was supposed to hear. We were supposed to find him and bring him back safe.

- "This is for us"- Gideon didn't take his eyes from the screen- "He knows we are here."

- "I'm gonna put this guy's head on a stick"- Morgan was so mad I believed him. I wanted to do the same, if worse.

- "I'm gonna kill him myself as soon as we find him,"- I said and felt Aaron's hand on my shoulder as he asked Garcia

- "Why can't you locate him?"

- "He's rerouting to a different IP address every 30 seconds. I can't track him."

It knew it had to be hard if Penelope couldn't find her, but that didn't help. If anything, it made everything worse. I felt powerless. Hankel couldn't be more intelligent than us.

Spencer's point of view

- "Are you ready, boy?"- Hankel pulled my hair and forced me to look at him. I was still as high as fuck, but knew I was about to be tortured again.

- "Ready for what?"

- "My weakling son thinks God gave you to him for a reason"- if the reason was to get me into drugs, then the answer was yes.

Hankel placed a video camera in front of me.

- "Can you really see inside men's minds?"- he asked me and made a pause, pointing to three screens- See these vermin?

It took me a second to realize he was showing me images of real people. He had put cameras in those people's houses. How? When? What kind of sick game did he want me to play with him?

- "Choose one to die. I let you choose one to live."

- "No"- I didn't even think about my answer.

- "I thought you wanted to be some kind of savior."

- "You are a sadist and a psychotic break. You won't stop killing. Your word is not true."

I don't know if it was because of the drugs or because I hadn't eaten or drank any water in too long, but I was somehow resigned and tired of fighting.

- "The other heathens are watching- Hankel announced and pointed at the camera in front of me."

My eyes fixated on the camera right away. My team was watching me. (Y/N) was watching me. I didn't want to make her worry even more. I needed her to know I was ok. I know I wasn't, but I didn't want her to worry about me.

- "Choose a sinner to die, and I'll say the name and address of the person to be saved"- Hankel was sick. It was all a game, and religion was just an excuse to kill.

- "I won't get to choose who gets slaughtered and have you leave their remains behind like a poacher."

Hankel didn't like my answer, 'cos he grabbed me and pulled me up, looking into my eyes, insulted, annoyed, losing his temper.

- "Can you really see into my mind, boy?"

He was honestly scary, and it petrified me to think he could execute me right there, in front of the team, and I could never tell them how much they mean.

- "Can you see I'm not a liar?!"- he insisted. I nearly whimpered but made my best not to break- "Choose one to die and save a life. Otherwise, they are all dead."

He dropped me on the chair and turned around. It was clear he wasn't joking. I took a deep breath and nodded.

- "Alright, I'll choose who lives."

- "They are all the same"

My eyes traveled across all the monitors. It was nearly impossible to pick one person to live, knowing all the other people there would die. Hankel was sick, and I had to set a plan to escape because otherwise, I would end up dead.

- "Far right screen,"- I whispered. He turned around and nodded.

Then, he recited the name and address of the woman on the screen. I prayed for the team to find her before Hankel came after her too.

No. It wasn't Hankel this time.

- "Raphael,"- I whispered, and he nodded. I looked at the screen again. The woman we were watching picked up the phone. She was in her kitchen. He walked around, frowned, and turned to her computer. In a second, she had turned it off. My team had reached her. She was safe, I hoped.

Hankel turned the camera off and looked at me.

- "You've done your part. Now it's my turn."

I knew what that meant. It wasn't good.

He left the cabin, and all I could see were the monitors in front of me. Those people were going to die. They were going to die because I didn't pick them. I killed them. You don't need to pull a trigger to kill someone. I could never forget those words. And this time, they meant more than anytime before. I didn't press a trigger, but I had killed two innocent people. And I actually had to watch them die.

When I saw Rapahel walk into the victims' house, I tried to close my eyes and think of anything else. A part of me kept thinking he wasn't going to kill them. He just wanted to threaten me.

But not. Raphael slaughtered them.

I found myself craving whatever it was that Tobias had given me the night before. The drug in my veins had given me a kind of peace I had never felt. And I never thought I'd have either. The type of peace that can be addictive, 'cos it turns your head off. And God knows, sometimes I needed to turn my head off.

Remembering everything that has ever happened to me, especially all the awful things, wasn't a gift. It was a burden. And whatever it was that Tobias had put in my veins, it had taken that burden from my shoulders, at least for a couple of hours.

Who wouldn't want some more of that peace?

- "Reid!"- Gideon's voice took me from my thoughts. He was sitting right in front of the camera in the victim's house. He was there with Hotch and the police, investigating the crime scene.

- "If you are watching this, you are not responsible for this. You understand me? he is perverting God to justify murder. You are stronger than him. He can not break you."

I know he meant it. But I couldn't believe any of that, not after watching a family get slaughter just because I didn't pick them.

(Y/N)'s point of view

- "I thought you were going to try and get some rest,"- I said as JJ walked to me in silence. I made myself my hundredth cup of coffee, and she just showed up next to me, trying to engage in conversation, I guess.

- "Everybody else is working. I should be too."

- "We can handle it,"- I whispered and refused to look at her. I swear I was trying not to hate her, but it was getting harder and harder with every hour that passed without finding Reid.

- "It's funny, I keep thinking the one thing we need to crack this case is... well... Reid"- she chuckled, nervously and I just looked at her and nodded. I didn't even smile. I didn't move a muscle.

I didn't want to be with her, or anyone, as a matter of fact. And I wasn't going to hide it anymore. So I tried to walk away.

- "You think Reid and I should have stayed together at the barn, don't you?"

I stopped walking and looked at her. You could tell she was having a hard time facing the whole situation, and most of all, you could tell she felt guilty.

That really didn't stop me from being mad at her. I was trying to be the better woman during the investigation, but the uncertainty was getting on my nerves.

- "JJ, go get some rest,"- I tried to answer calmly, but I knew I was looking at her like she was dead to me.

- "I can tell that's what you are thinking, so..."

- "I just wanna get Spencer home safe."

- "But... if I had his back like I was supposed to do, he'd be here now"- and that was enough.

- "JJ, what the fuck do you want from me?"

- "I just...."- she was about to cry, you could tell- "I want someone to tell me the truth."

- "You want the truth? Ok, there you go: I would have never left him alone. None of this would have happened if I had been the one with him out there! 'cos I would never let anyone or anything hurt him!!"

I shouted. All the anger I had been feeling those days was finally getting off my chest. And fuck, it felt good.

- "You fucked it up, JJ, and if something happens to Spencer, I am never going to forgive you, never!"

JJ bit her lips, trying her best not to cry. But I still couldn't feel sorry for her.

- "Is that the truth you were looking for?"

- "(Y/L/N)?"- Hotch stood next to me with the most annoyed look in his eyes.

I knew I was out of line, but this wasn't about work anymore. This was personal. This was Reid we were talking about, and JJ had fucked it up. There was nothing to discuss.

- "What? You sent him with her, now she is here, and he isn't. What else is there to say?"

- "(Y/N)!"- Hotch followed me as I stormed out of the kitchen and out of the cabin- "(Y/N)! stop!"

- "What?!"- and I simply snapped- "Are you gonna suspend me for telling her the truth? Are you going to fire me for losing my shit while working a case!? Fine! I don't care! I don't give a fuck! All I care about right now is that my best friend is missing, and a fucking psychopath has him! That's all I can think of. That's all I've been thinking about for the last two days!"

I was yelling at Hotch. I was yelling at my unit chief. I was fucked. I knew he was going to fire me after that. But I couldn't help it. I was going insane. Tears kept falling from my eyes as I held my cup of coffee tight, holding onto it with my life.

- "(Y/N), we are all worried about Reid."

- "I know you are all worried. I am too, and I'm also afraid and mad and going fucking insane knowing I am standing here not knowing what to do to save him."

- "That doesn't give you the right to treat JJ like this is her fault"- I don't know if he was talking like my unit chief or like a father figure trying to end a fight between two of his kids.

- "Did she stay with Reid?"- I simply replied and looked at Hotch in the eyes- "Did she?"

- "She is not the only one who feels guilty, so do I. And I know I won't forgive myself if anything happens to Reid."

Hotch made a pause and tried to find a way to say what he wanted to say. The door opened, and Gideon walked to us. He knew what was going on, and he didn't say a thing. I was sure he had already heard everything. We weren't actually arguing quietly.

- "We are not getting any closer,"- Aaron finally said.

- "Reid is brilliant. He'll figure out how to survive"- Gideon's words were way more hopeful than my thoughts. In my mind, Reid was too scared to think of a way to escape.

- "You know, I always take advantage of Reid for his brain. But I never actually teach him how to deal with things emotionally."

Hotch whispered, and his words were filled with regret. I was filled with anger and anxiety, and I know the two of them felt the same. But they way better at handling their feelings.

- "Lead by example,"- Jason answered, probably trying to make him feel better.

- "What kind of example is that?"- I simply replied, and both of them stayed in silence.

I don't think my words helped Hotch, but I wasn't trying to do that either. I was just honest. And Hotch's emotional assistance was shit on the field. Even Gideon was better.

- "He'll make it,"- Jason reassured us and nodded- "Now stop arguing and go back to work."

Spencer's point of view

I was glad when Tobias came to me that night with a needle in his hand and put the drug into my vein. I needed some release after watching a family die 'cos I didn't save them.

- "I'm sorry I had to leave"- he excused himself, preparing the drug next to me.

- "You can leave again, and you can take me with you,"- I begged in a soft voice.

- "My father would be angry,"- he replied and didn't even look at me. This time, I didn't even argue when he wrapped the belt around my arm. I was even a little eager he'd do it faster.

- "Not if he can't find us."

- "He always finds me."

- "If you tell me where we are, my friends will come, and they'll save us."

He gave me a look, mixed with horror and resignation. It broke my heart to think for a moment of all the horrors that lead Tobias to be as sick as he was.

- "We can't be saved,"- he simply replied.

- "We can, we can, I promise. If you tell me where we are, I'll save us both."

- "Listen to me. It's not worth fighting."

Somehow, I understood why he said that. I was afraid and shaking but still did my best not to think of all the pain I was in, of the terror that haunted me day and night.

- "Tell me it doesn't make it better- he said and showed me the needle."

I couldn't say no, 'cos he was right. It did. The drugs made his horrible situation bearable. I could understand why someone decided to use something to avoid the pain. I had faced all and each one of the pain and horrors in my life sober. It was time life was a little bit sweeter, in a sick way.

I remembered being twelve. Mom had had one of her episodes the day before, she was in bed, and I woke her up. I walked into her room and opened the curtains. It was already five in the afternoon, and she still refused to get out of bed.

- "The doctor says you need to get out of bed,"- I argued when she repeated she was just resting.

- "I've been reading"

- "He says you need exercise"- she sighed and tried to make a joke.

- "That's because his idea of good literature is Our bodies, ourselves."

- "Well, he is your doctor."

- "He is a neanderthal"- I gave up and started walking out of the room. She just laid in bed and looked at me.

- "Where are you going?"

- "I'm going to see if Jeff wants to play"- Jeff was our next-door neighbor and my only friend growing up.

- "Come here. Let me read to you."

I know Garcia made fun of me when I said my mother used to read me Valentine's sonnets when I was a kid. Most people think I have a weird relationship with mom, but they don't understand what it was like growing up with her. They don't know what it was like for a twelve-year-old boy to finish high school, facing bullies. Handling the pressure of being a kid genius and the fact I had to take care of a schizophrenic mother.

How come I didn't start using drugs earlier?

I remember that afternoon I sat next to my mother, and she made me pick one of the many books she had with her on the bed. I choose Proust. I knew she loved it. I loved it as well.

"For a long time, I used to go to bed early. Sometimes, when I had put out my candle, my eyes would close so quickly that I had not even time to say, "I'm going to sleep."

I can still hear her voice, reading to me. Both of us avoided reality for a while, hiding in the books. I always do it regardless. I hide in the books to forget. I hide in knowledge to avoid acknowledging the real personal issues I have. I hide in my work saving people when no one ever saved me.

I work catching psychopaths when I know I might actually have a mental issue myself. I might end up just like mom, and it frightens me so much; there are many nights I can't even close an eye. If I get sick too, then no one will take care of her. I am the only one in her life. And she is the only one in mine.

She and (Y/N), but there is no way my best friend would ever take care of me if I got sick. Not because she wouldn't want to do it, but because I would never let her. I don't want to be a burden in her life. And she would hate me, I know. And I could never live in a world where (Y/N) hates me. Not then, not now.

(Y/N). She is the best thing that happened to me in the BAU. Yes, I had a family with my team, but she was different. She was my life. She was the reason why I smiled. She was the one person that made me feel I was important to someone. I knew the rest of my friend loved me, but I loved her.

That was it. I loved (Y/N). And I was scared I was never going to see her again.

(Y/N)'s point of view

I was standing next to Penelope. She kept trying to force me to eat. She knew I was living on coffee, but I just couldn't swallow anything. She held my hand as the two of us stared at the screens, hopefully waiting for Hankel to make contact again.

- "Any more signs of Reid?"- JJ walked over to us slowly and looked at me, afraid I might snap on her again. I just shook my head and sighed, doing my best to be nice to her.

- "He just posted the last murder online."

- "It had over 17 thousand hits in the first twenty minutes,"- Penelope added, and her voice was so full of revulsion. It was clear she couldn't handle the horror in the human mind.

- "I want to see it,"- JJ said, and I frowned, confused.

- "No, you don't,"- Garcia answered and looked at me- "Come on, munchkin, just eat one cookie, please."

- "Don't tell me what I want and don't want!"- JJ's tone shocked us both. She was severe and angry. She was rude at Penelope, and for a second, I almost snapped again.

- "If I can't watch this..."- JJ whispered and glued her eyes on the screen- "I have no business being in the field."

She looked at me when she was done talking, and for once during those awful days, I felt some kind of compassion for her. She had to be feeling like shit, no doubt, and no matter how mad I was at her, she was still my friend, and I didn't want her to suffer either.

- "JJ, it's not a competition,"- I tried to say in the softest voice possible.

- "I... I need to see it."

- "If you stop being affected by things, you lose parts of yourself, you know."

It was somehow ironic that I was the one saying those things. Me of all people in that team. Me, the one who was afraid the most of losing herself in work.

- "Show me"- she finally looked at Garcia, ignoring my words, and Penelope pleased her. She pushed play and simply said

- "I won't watch this with you."

García held my hand, walking me out of the room, leaving JJ alone in the room. She sighed and wiped the tears that started falling down her eyes.

- "I don't know how you do it either"- she whispered- "I don't know how you watch those things every day and don't go insane."

- "If it makes you feel better, I don't know how I do either, and it scared me to think my heart might be numbing with each case we solve. With every psychopath we catch."

- "We are gonna find him"- she assured me and held my hands tight- "We are bringing him home safe, I swear."

- "Let's go find Gideon,"- I said, nodding at her words- "He needs to know Tobias posted the last murder."

Jason was mad, beyond furious. He was losing it. Derek and Prentiss kept trying to crack Hankel and discover where he had taken Reid. Meanwhile, Garcia, Gideon, and I made our best to take the video of the murder from the web.

- "I have a list of everyone from the file-sharing chain. I could send out a mass warning that the video is actually a virus,"- Garcia said and started typing as fast as possible. I just stared at the screen, waiting for something, anything to happen.

But I wasn't waiting for what came next.

- "Confess your sins"- Hankel's voice made me jump, and the sight of Reid, still tied to that chair, bleeding, and being tortured, broke my heart again.

- "Confess!!"- that sick psychopath shouted and hit him.

- "I haven't done anything,"- Spencer sobbed, but it was useless. Hankel kept punching him, over and over again, even when my best friend begged for mercy.

I felt Jason hold my hand as I was holding Garcia's. The three of us felt powerless, useless, angry, and scared, all at the same time. I couldn't bear to watch Reid being tortured, but at the same time, I was so glad he was still alive.

That until Hankel beat him so hard, he pushed him back in the chair, and Reid started convulsing.

- "He is killing him,"- Penelope cried, and I closed my eyes, biting my lips. Spencer was choking, and that mother fucker just stood there, watching him die.

- "That's the devil vacating your body"- he spit those words as Reid simply passed out. I didn't know if he was dead. I didn't know if he was going to make it. Shit! I didn't know anything.

I let go of Jason and Penelope and stormed out of the room. I was unprofessional, and I knew it, but I knew I would quit if anything happened to Reid. I wasn't going to stay working at the BAU if Spencer died.

- "Are you ok?"- Derek grabbed my arm. I just broke into tears and held him tight. He wrapped his arms around me and let me cry.

- "He's dying! We can't find him!!"- I sobbed against his chest.

- "(Y/N)! (Y/N)!"- I heard Penelope yelling as we all rushed back to the computer room. Hankel was giving CPR to Reid, trying to bring him back to life.

- "Come on, come on, please,"- I begged as I watched him pushing his chest over and over again until Spencer woke up, gasping for air.

- "Thank God!"- Hotch sighed and rubbed his hands against his face. The whole team let out a breath of relief simultaneously, and I kept watching Reid. His opened eyes gave me hope.

- "Wait,"- Prentiss said suddenly- "When was the video of the last murder posted?"

- "Nine thirty"- Penelope answered

- "And when was the time of death?"

- "The 911 call came in at 9:04, and the murder must have been moments later."- Hotch added and didn't even turn to look at Prentiss. We were all still shocked looking at the screen.

- "That's just a 19 minutes difference,"- I said and turned to García- "How long would it take to post that file?"

- "Two or three minutes."

- "Let's call it two,"- I said, getting excited- "You figure a maximum of 60 miles an hour in a residential area. That means Hankel has to be within a 17-mile radius of the crime scene."

For a second, I felt I was rambling facts just like Reid would. It made me miss him even more.

- "García, can we see it on the map?"- Aaron whispered. He was clearly affected, and it also made me feel selfish, knowing I had made a tantrum with the whole team, forgetting they were suffering as well.

- "Call chief Farraday"- Jason commanded as soon as we saw the map of the area on the screen- "I want that area locked down like it's martial law."

JJ stood up and grabbed her phone but didn't make the call. García warned us something was going on with Reid and all of us stared at the screen in silence.

Spencer was on his back on the floor, still tied to a chair. It was clear he wasn't fully conscious of what was happening.

- "You came back to life,"- mother fucker Hankel said, spitting the words in anger.

- "Raphael,"- Reid whispered, recognizing one of his personalities.

- "There can be only one of two reasons."

- "I was given CPR,"- my friend whispered, but it was clear that wasn't one of the psycho's options.

- "There are no accidents. How many members of our team are watching us right now?"

- "Seven."

- "The seven angels who had the seven trumpets prepared themselves to sound. The first sounding followed hail, and they were thrown to the earth."

- "He thinks it's the revelations"- Hotch explained- "The seven archangels versus the seven angels of death."

I didn't know much about religion, but it didn't take a genius to figure out he didn't believe we were the good guys.

- "Tell me who you serve."

- "I serve you,"- Reid answered right away. His voice was a whisper. He had to be exhausted.

- "Then choose one to die"

- "What?!"

- "Your team members, choose one to die"- I knew what he was going to answer at that, and I didn't want to hear it.

- "Kill me,"- he replied immediately, and I closed my eyes, unable to watch what would happen next.

- "You said you weren't one of them."

- "I lied."

- "Your team has seven other members. Tell me who dies."

- "No"- Penelope gasped, and Prentiss cursed. I opened my eyes and nearly fainted. Hankel had a gun pointed against Reid's forehead.

The silence amongst the team was unbearable. Neither of us knew what to do. We were all panicking, praying, desperate.

- "Choose and prove you'll do God's will."

- "No."

Neither of us moved. Neither of us breathed until Hakel pulled the trigger, and no bullet came out. I nearly sigh, but it wasn't over.

- "Choose"- he repeated

- "I won't do it"- Hankel didn't even wait. He just pulled the trigger, and we all jumped at the same time. He was safe again.

- "Life is a choice."

- "No,"- Reid repeated once again. And Hankel pulled the trigger for the third time.

- "Choose"- and for the first time, Spencer made a pause. Was going to pick one of us to die?

- "I choose"- the whispered- "Aaron Hotchner."

Derek and I looked at him, and his pale face didn't move a muscle.

- "He's the classic narcissist. He thinks he's better than everyone else on the team. Genesis 23:4 "Let him not deceive himself, and trust in emptiness, vanity falseness, and futility, for these shall be his recompense."

Hotch stormed out of the room as Hankel pulled the trigger one more time and shot the wall.

I felt I was going to puke. If Reid hadn't picked one of us, he would be dead.

- "For God's will,"- the mother fuck said, as he put another bullet in the gun after removing the casing.

I couldn't look anymore. I followed Gideon and Derek to find Aaron going through all Tobias's diaries on the table.

- "I'm not a narcissist,"- he said as soon as he saw us.

- "Come on. Look, you can't think anything from that"- Jason tried to calm him down, in case he was somehow affected by what Reid had just said on camera- "He is not in his right mind, Hotch."

- "No, stop, stop. Alright, everybody, right now: what's my worst quality?"

He had to be kidding. We all stared at him, muted, lost in that conversation. What was his point? Neither of us said a word. We just looked at each other, confused and awkward.

- "Ok, I'll start. I have no sense of humor."

- "You are a bully,"- JJ added.

- "You can be a drill sergeant sometimes,"- I said, and he nodded.

- "Right."

- "You don't trust women as much as men"- you could feel it in Prentiss's voice. That one was personal.

- "Ok, good. I'm all these things, but none of you said that I ever put myself above the team because I don't, ever. Reid and I argued about the definition of classic narcissism, and he knew that I would remember that. He also quoted Genesis chapter 23, verse 4. Read it."

Hotch gave me the book. He wasn't even breathing as she spoke. He was in a hurry. We were all.

- "I'm a stranger and a sojourner with you. Give me property, forbear a place among you that I may bury my dead of my sight."

- "He wouldn't get it wrong unless it were on purpose."

- "He is in a cemetery."- I said and looked at him. He nodded, and I swear to God, I saw a slight smile on his lips. That smile was hope. We were getting closer.

Spencer's point of view

I took a sip of water. I hadn't drunk in days, and my throat burned. I was still a little lost, still a little off.

- "Tobias, is that you?"- I saw him nod, sitting next to me. He moved the cup of water closer so that I could drink some more.

- "Thank you,"- I whispered and looked at him- You saved my life- he stared down at the ground and finally whispered

- "I'm sorry."

- "Why?"

- "He'll win in the end."

It was sad to see Tobias Hankel's good person locked inside a sick mind that also held a psychopath like his father.

- "Tobias, I need to know something. It's important. Are we in a cemetery?"- and he nodded. I smiled at him and sighed, relieved. Help was coming. My team was coming.

- "I used to come here to get high."

- "I was right."

- "No one bothers you here. I never told anyone about it."

He wrapped his belt around my arm, and I turned to him, still smiling. I didn't know if I were happy I was right or glad I would get high again. Maybe both. Maybe the second 'cos the minute that needle got to my vein, that sweet, sweet release felt like a bath of joy that washed away any pain, regret, or guilt I could have ever felt.

Guilt. I've had my share of that. I remember the day I had my mom admitted to the hospital. She hadn't eaten in days. She wouldn't take care of herself, and they're just so much I could do. I wasn't able to keep her safe from herself, from her mind.

- "What are these men doing here?"- she asked me as I walked with two nurses into the study. She was writing and reading. It was all she did, preparing lectures for classes she didn't have to give, in imaginary campuses.

I stood in front of her and hesitated for a second. It was the hardest thing I had ever done, telling mom I was taking her away from her own house.

- "They are from the hospital. They are here to help,"- I whispered and looked at my mother's confused expression. She was so thin. She looked so sick. I felt so guilty I couldn't do better for her.

- "I don't need help, and you can't be here without permission, tell them, Spencer."

She looked down at her books again and tried to continue writing. I took a deep breath, I knew I would break her heart, but there was nothing else I could do.

- "I called them"- she looked at me in pain. Deep, honest pain. Like I had just shattered her heart. Which I had done.

- "Spencer"- she simply whispered and stared into my eyes, begging for an explanation. I was trying my best not to cry. I had a whole speech prepared. I was going to tell her how much I loved her. I was going to explain to her how good it was for her to be in a place where someone could continuously take care of her. I had facts and statistics, but all I managed to say was:

- "I'm doing this for you."

And I felt like a liar. 'Cos, there was a part of me that was doing it for myself too.

- "This isn't legal"- she shook her head in shock and kept trying to find a good explanation to what was going on.

- "Your son is eighteen, ma'am. He can act in your welfare,"- one of the make nurses explained to her.

- "You need help,"- I said and prayed she could understand. But she just burst into tears and begged.

- "I wanna stay here!"

- "I'm... sorry, mom."

- "Please, these are my things, this is my life..."

Those men took her. They took her from her house and put her in a hospital. No. I put her there. I put my mom in a hospital so I could live my life, 'cos I am selfish and couldn't take care of her anymore.

- "Spencer, please, don't do this to me."

Those were the words that haunted me day and night. And my mother's crying face, begging me not to take her from her own house.

What kind of a son am I? I did that to her. I put her in a mental place 'cos I couldn't deal with her disease anymore. 'Cos I didn't know how to take care of her.

- "What are you sorry for, boy?"- I heard Hankel ask when I woke up. I was muttering, "Sorry" as I came back from my trip.

- "I sent her away."

- "Who."

- "My mom. I couldn't help her."

- "Is that a confession?"- I nodded and looked around, confused. Lost. High- "You know the bible. Exodus 21:17"

- "And he that curseth his father or his mother shall surely be put to death,"- I whispered, scared and full of regret.

I heard him walk towards me. He kneeled and uncuffed me. I didn't know what was happening. Honestly, I was still too high to get what was going on around me.

- "Grab a shovel,"- he commanded and walked outside.

I was too weak to dig fast. I don't know how I was actually moving, but I was digging my own grave. I never thought I would ever end up doing such a thing. It's not something you think about, actually. Not unless you work in the BAU. Here, you start analyzing and considering the way you'll die: 'Cos you could, every day.

- "I ought to bury you alive in there, give you some time to think about what you've done,"- Hankel said and looked at me while I worked, playing with a knife.

- "I know what I've done."

- "Don't talk back to me! Dig!"

I pant and kept moving, very slowly, trying to buy myself some time too. I was sure the team was coming to get me any minute now. I was counting on them, though the more I thought about it, the less worthy of salvation I felt. Maybe I deserved to die after all.

I was almost certain I had seen some lights moving in the back. Flashlights. But it could be my mind playing tricks on me. I was too tired. And still too high, too.

- "Dig faster!"- he commanded me as I moved, losing my breath.

- "I'm not strong enough"- I cried, 'cos I felt like that. Like a failure, a child that aimed to be a grown-up and failed miserably. A bad son. The worst agent. A fake that deserved to die.

- "You are all weak!! Get out of there!"

Hankel took off his coat and left it on the ground. I slowly moved so he could dig for me, but the lights in the back took my attention, and he noticed. As soon as he turned around, I quickly grabbed his coat and reached out for the gun.

- "You've only got one bullet, son,"- he said as he looked at me. And I just pulled the trigger.

I shot him. I killed him. Hankel. Raphael. Tobias. I freed Tobias. Or at least, that is what I wanted to think.

- "Reid!!"- I heard (Y/N) yelling as I crawled to Tobia's body. He was still awake. He was himself.

- "You killed him"- he said, and he was relieved- "Do you think I'll get to see my mom again?"

- "I'm sorry,"- I whispered, and he was gone.

- "Reid!!"

(Y/N) yelled and ran over. She kneeled next to me and held me in her arms. I couldn't move, because for a few seconds, I couldn't believe she was real. She was there.

- "Honey, honey, are you ok? Can you hear me?"- she said, and tears started falling from her eyes- "Honey, it's me."

I just looked at her and hugged her. I hugged her as my life depended on it. There she was, next to me, finally.

- "I thought I was never going to see you again,"- I whispered and sobbed.

The urge to kiss her filled my whole body. I needed to taste her. I needed to show her how much I had needed her those days. But I knew I couldn't.

I didn't want to let her go. I didn't for a few minutes. I just hold onto her for my sanity. She kissed my forehead, cupping my face with both hands.

- "I'm so happy to see you. I'm glad you are ok... let's go to the ambulance, ok?"- I nodded but didn't let her go. I felt I could hold her forever. I wanted to keep her close for as long as I lived.

But the rest of the team gathered around us, and I wanted to thank them too. I needed to thank Hotch. So as soon as I let (Y/N) go, I wrapped my arms around him.

- "You alright?"- he asked me.

- "I knew you'd understand,"- I managed to say with tears falling from my eyes and a knot in my throat.

For a moment, I thought I was never going to see the team again. My family.

JJ held me close and apologized. I knew she felt guilty for leaving me alone, but I was the only one culpable for what had happened. I wanted to prove myself, and all I managed to do was prove I was a fool. A useless SSA.

- "It's alright, it wasn't your fault,"- I said and did my best to smile at her. But I know I failed. Gideon grabbed my arm and nodded.

- "Let's get you out of here."

- "Please,"- I whispered before we started walking- "Can I have a second alone?"- he looked at me and nodded, looking at Tobias' body lying by our side. He walked away, and I kneeled next to my capturer.

But instead of paying my respects, instead of cursing. Instead of anything, I took the Dilaudid bottles from his pocket and put them into mine.

And that's how the real hell started.

--

DIWK Taglist:

@all-tings-diego @big-galaxy-chaos @svveet-peas @muffin-cup @shilohpug

Spencer taglist

@calm-and-doctor

General Taglist

@spenxerslut @ash19871962

–

Do you want to be on the taglist or ramble about this chapter with me? Just send me a message here.

Next update: May 5th, 2021

[writingsbychlo]

making amends | mitch rapp

word count; 6262

summary; Mitch makes his girl angry, and now he’s making up for it.

warnings; smut and references to violence/injury.

notes; this is totally unproofed, because I wrote it in like twelve hours to make sure y’all had something today since I took the other fic down.

“C’mon, kitten, I said I was sorry.” 

Mitch’s voice felt irritatingly soft as he trailed you around the supermarket, watching as you pushed the cart and built up the groceries for your weekly shop, ignoring the way he whined a little as you continued to give him the cold-shoulder. “I thought I told you to stay at home.”

“Technically, you said ‘wash that fucking lipstick off your neck, while I go to the store’, and I did. I showered, I’m all fresh, and I’ve come to shop with you.” He bumped his hip against the edge of the cart, and you growled out, absolutely not in the mood to hear him sum up technicalities. He wandered along with you in silence for a while, occasionally reaching out to try and place a hand on your lower back, or wrap his arm around you, only to be shrugged off. It was at the bakery section, as you weighed out two different loaves of bread, staring at them intently, that he tried again; “Baby, please. It wasn’t like it was something I just did for fun, it was literally a life or death situation.”

“Was it, Rapp? Because the last time I checked, letting another woman crawl into your lap and suck on your neck was called ‘cheating’, not ‘surviving’.”

His own growl sounded out now, and he placed both hands on the front of the cart to bring it to a complete stop, the apologetic look on his face being gone as he glared at you, the intense stare-down taking place in the middle of the bread section, and it was hours overdue. “Do not call me a cheater. I didn’t kiss her, I didn’t initiate it, I just had to let it happen to keep my cover.”

“Where were your hands?”

“What?” Confusion flickered across his features, and in the middle of it all, you chose which loaf you wanted, dropping that down into the cart too, and you raised a brow at him, watching as he swallowed thickly, eyes dropping from yours for a split second. “You don’t really want me to answer that.”

“Yes, I do.”

He scratched at the back of his neck, sighing out, before his shoulders dropped. “On her ass. But, they were just sitting there, it wasn’t like-”

You turned from him, continuing on to find things in the aisles, but your head was a little lower, and he didn’t try to touch you anymore. He simply walked along beside you, adding the things he knew were weekly additions, until everything was prepared, and you had crossed everything off of your list. 

He helped to load things out onto the check-out, an elderly woman behind you with far more things than she had bags for in her hands, but you turned back to Mitch, finding him playing with his hands as he stared at you. “Are you breaking up with me?”

“What?”

“Because of what happened on the assignment. Are you breaking up with me?” He finally looked up, honey-coloured eyes wide and glassy, and your angry stiffness slipped away, your body slumping a little, and you stepped slightly closer to him. 

“No.”

He perked up a little, a breath of relief leaving him, and he reached out a hand, slowly to give you time to pull back, before it was settling over your jaw, and he was pulling you even closer, until your toes bumped his and breath was shared between you both, a little chuckle on his lips. “Do you want me to sleep on the couch for a few nights?”

You considered it, the pair of you shuffling up a little closer as your groceries moved, the elderly woman ahead of you still packing up, but you were in your own little bubble with the man you loved, even if, on the surface, you were angry with him. “No. You know I hate it when the bed is empty, and you only just got back. I don’t want you out of it any longer.”

He just nodded his head before closing the gap between you both, a soft kiss pressed to your lips. It was reassuring, and no matter how much you hated to give in to him so easily, it felt so right to be back in his arms, and feel the way his lips moved with your own, a pattern traced so delicately, mastered after years of practice but never any less passionate, and when you pulled away, it was with a happy hum and the feeling of warmth flooding through your body. 

“I love you, you know that, right?”

“I do know that.” You grumbled, smiling to the cashier as she began to ring up your products, and you began to bag them all up, feeling him bump up against you as he came to help. 

“And?”

“And what?” You knew what he wanted, and you were playing coy, but he was fixing you with a wounded stare, some kind of puppy-dog eyes, and you gave him, rolling your eyes fondly and turning away to hide your smile. “I love you, too.”

He was overly pleased with himself, chuffing as his chest puffed out, and he packed the rest of the groceries with you while making idle small talk with the young girl at the register, the poor thing rambling about her upcoming maths tests, before he was punching his PIN into the device and scooping up the bags, following you out to the car. 

Loading it all into the back, he helped you climb in, before rounding the vehicle himself, and hopping up into the passenger seat. You turned to look at him as the car started, reversing out of the space, and he lifted your hand from the gear stick to pressed kisses along your knuckles once the two of you were making your way out towards the roads. “Didn’t you bring your car? I’m not driving you back here tomorrow to get it, just because you got needy and wanted to drive with me.”

“So mean.” He tutted, shaking his head, and you took your hand back from him, placing it on the wheel as you reached busier roads. “You don’t want me to sleep on the couch, but you’re still mad at me, because if you weren’t, you’d totally drive me back. It’s not there, by the way, my car is in our garage at home. I got a taxi.”

“That was optimistic.”

“Yes, it was. I would get a taxi from one end of the country to the other if it meant making you happy.” It was ridiculously romantic, and while Mitch was known for sweet-talking you, this was just sappy, his comments usually involved flirting and a playful comment as he teased you and tried to get you a little aroused. “So, please just tell me how to make it up to you, and I’ll do it.”

“Well, you can start by making me dinner.”

“I’ll make you that casserole that you like.” You hummed at the idea, enjoying the simple idea of the meal you loved so much, and he was continuing on for you, trying to charm you as he endeavoured to make it all okay again. “I’ll run you a bath too, and I’ll sit there with you the whole time, even though you know I hate baths. But, I do like the way your bath bombs smell.”

“You’re definitely getting there.”

He smirked, turning to look at you, the radio playing in the background and you could feel his eyes dragging along your body, the heavyweight of his stare on your form, and you only glanced at him, catching the cheeky look on his features. “Then, at the end of the night, I’ll take you to bed, and make you scream in all the ways I know you love, pinned to the bed as I fuck you senseless. I’ll take you apart, make you completely unravel, until you’re begging me for it.”

“No.”

His grin fell away, a little startled at the fact it hadn't been an accepted offer, and he sat up straighter from the slumped position he’d been in. “What?”

“Not tonight.” He frowned, and it was your turn to smirk, what soon became a wicked grin as excitement flooded your veins with your own idea. “You touched another girl, so tonight, you don’t get to touch me until I tell you it’s okay.”

“Kitten, I d-”

“You’ll be begging me for it. Begging me to let you cum, begging me to touch you, begging me just to kiss you.” He was gaping a little squirming in his seat. “Tonight, you can submit to me.”

“We’ve never done that before.”

“That’s because you like to dominate, all the time.” You muttered, and he sounded his agreement enthusiastically. 

“And it works that way!” He reached out, to brush his fingers along your cheek comfortingly as you pulled up into the driveway, but you only pulled back, mischief taking over as you tutted at him.

“What did I say? No touching until you’re told to.” He whimpered a little, scowling at you as he pulled back his hand. 

“Baby, don’t do this to me. I like to touch you, and hold you, and kiss you. I want to take care of you. Let me take care of you.” You only shook your head, killing the engine and taking back the keys, before you were leaning over the centre console just far enough to press a kiss to his lips, and he whined when you pulled back far too soon for his liking, before he’d even had a chance to tangle his fingers in your hair and lick at you lower lip like he normally would. “This is going to be torture.”

“That’s the whole point.”

Mitch did his best to do as told, he really did, but it was hard. He wasn’t used to being told what to do when it came to you, he was used to being the one giving orders, and doing the teasing, and being able to take what he wanted whenever he wanted it. Every time he kissed you, instinct kicking in, before you’d told him he could, you made sure to stick an extra five minutes onto the time before you got to the fun stuff, and you were loving it.

He looked physically pained when you’d told him you wanted to watch a movie before your bath, to use up the extra time he’d earned by growling and pinning you to the edge of the counter when dinner had been ready and you’d made a show of bending over the oven to pull it out, and while he had insisted that it had been worth it, he was now reaping the consequences. You did love him though, and so half-way through you’d given in to his sad pouting and sulking, shuffling across the cushions into his arms, letting him wrap you up tightly as he curled around you to hold on, your back pressed to his chest as he pressed kisses to your cheeks and jaw, anywhere he could reach as he craned his head around to you, and your fingers had woven together. 

That was when you found yourself in a much similar position, warm water swaying around you as your fingers danced over the bubble on the surface, entertaining yourself as you drew patterns, and Mitch’s chin was hooked over your shoulder, arms wrapped tightly around you. Your hair was pinned up to keep it dry, and he was entertaining himself by blowing a strand continuously, watching as it darted up into the air, before falling back against your cheek, tickling you as it did, before he was repeating it all over again. 

“Will you stop that? You’re making my cheek cold.”

“Sorry, baby.” He did as told, moving to press a wet kiss to your skin, the cool blows he’d been letting out having chilled that side of your face, and he nuzzled against the spot as he pulled away. “You know how bored I get in the bath. I don’t see the point.” You did know that, but you wanted to sit here a little longer, because as much as he hated it, you liked baths, and there was plenty that you did for him that you weren’t as fond of. Like watching every single baseball match that came on with him, and recording the ones he missed while he was away. 

“Just a little bit longer.”

“As long as you want, kitten.” You smiled a little at his voice, your eyes fluttering closed as you settled your head back against his shoulder, feeling the stubble on the underside of his jaw brush against the top of your head as you did, and he leaned it against you, trying to relax himself. “Don’t you feel like we’re just sitting in our own dirt, though?”

“You ask me that every single time. Even when you’re not even in the bath.” 

He chuckled, nodding his head a little, before finding your hands under the water, and weaving your fingers with his own. “I know, but showers are just better.” You hummed, barely acknowledging his statement, having heard the argument dozens of times, but letting him play it out, anyway. “They’re just cleaner! All the dirt and grime washes away, and they don’t get cold like a bath does, it’s always hot - well, until the water heater runs out - but they're quicker, too!”

“Uh-huh..”

He huffed, knowing he’d lost your attention, and you felt his thumb raise up to play with your own as he tried to entertain himself. “Besides, we can have fun in the shower.” You knew what he was hinting at, the tone of his voice gave it away, and your mind conjured up an image you were sure was accurate, brows wiggling a little as he grinned cheekily at his flirty comment, and you scoffed.

“We can still have fun in the bath.” 

You took his hand, his interest peaking as you dragged it down over wet skin, across your stomach, until the water was shifting as you parted your legs from where they were crossed, and the deep rumble in his chest was more than enough to show his enthusiasm, taking control over his limb as you let go, fingers drifting gently over your core as the surface rippled. Are you finally gonna’ let me touch you?”

“You’ve been touching me all night.” You taunted, and he nipped gently on your shoulder, still stroking his fingers slowly over your folds, waiting for the real permission, finally having learned not to just take what he wanted, hours of being denied making him patient as he waits on the precipice of getting what he really wanted. 

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I know.” The tip of his nose dragged over your temple, lips following, and you gave in, the sweet and loving touches being all too much. You had already forgiven him, and deep down, you weren't even sure there had ever been anything to forgive. He did what he had to do not to blow his cover, to stay alive and to get the information he needed to get home to you quicker, but it didn’t make it any easier to picture the man you loved so much letting another woman take your place, even if it didn’t mean anything to him. “You can touch me, Mitch. I need you to.”

He let out a happy breath, fingers immediately working to part your folds, dragging calloused fingertips up gently, until he could circle your clit. “Missed you so much while I was away. You have no idea, I hate having to leave, especially when I don’t know how long it’ll be.”

“Every time you leave scares, I think you won’t come back.”

You lifted a hand, lacing it into his hair carefully, wet fingers making the strands damp, sticking to your fingers as your nails scratched over his scalp in the way you knew he loved, the shiver you felt as you did only confirming it. A single digit eased around your entrance, slipping in slowly, and your back arched as you finally felt yourself connecting with him again. You couldn't help it, the moan that fell from your lips as he pumped the sole finger slowly, and he whispered soothing words softly into your ear as he tightened the arm around your waist.

“Mitch..”

“I know, baby, I got you.” A second finger stretched you out, the pace picking up, water beginning to splash a little up the edges of the tub, and you moved, enough to be able to turn your head fully, lip finding his, and he moaned softly into your mouth as you did. Soft teasings, that only a second later became teeth grazing your lower lip, and tongues tangling as dove further into you, head tipping to the side and hand gripping your waist even more tightly. 

The coil in your stomach was tightening, your hips rocking up into his hand as you began to crave your peak, needing to feel everything you’d missed so long since he’d been away. The heel of his hand was rubbing against your swollen bud, his mouth dragging from your own when your head began to spin as you gasped for breath, feeling him move along your neck to find the spot he knew so well, licking and sucking his way, stinging flesh that threatened to turn to bruises, before he was finding the spot within you that threw you over the edge. 

There were whimpers of his name as you unraveled, walls clamping around long and slender digits as he eased you through your peak, a cry of his name that was quickly muffled as his mouth descended over your own once again, and then you were coming down, feeling him pull away from your core, leaving you empty as he pulled back. “I’m never leaving you, kitten. I promise, I’ll always come home to you. You are home.”

You could only nod, twisting in his arms straddle his lap, your hands cupping his face as he stared up at you, a small smile on his lips as he felt your thumbs smoothing over his cheeks, and you couldn't help but return it. While there had been no official confirmation of it, you knew where this was headed. When he’d asked whether you were breaking up with him, even at that moment, you’d both know it would never happen, because he was your end game, and you were his, and you never needed to say it, because it was evident in every moment of every day that you spent with him.

“I love you, so much. You know you’re my forever, right?”

“I know.” You whispered, pecking his lips gently when he puckered them for you, and he leaned in further, keeping your forehead pressed to his, even when you pulled away. “I love you too.” He grinned, one of your hands trailing down from his cheek to his chest, hard muscles littered with little scars, bumps of pink flesh that you were so used to tracing with your lips on the quiet nights when he needed a little more reassurance. Tensing and flexing under your touch, you shuffled back, sitting across muscled thighs, before wrapping your fingers gently around his half-hard cock, and he bucked up into your touch. 

His lips parted, mouth falling open, and you grinned as his head tipped back, body sinking further down into the water, head resting on the edge of the tub. Your other hand found the metal beside his head, leaning in to kiss and bite your way along his throat, and a whimper found it’s way to the surface leaning even further to let you have that more access, your lips sealing onto the place his neck and shoulders met. You could tell that much by the broken noise he let out, cock throbbing in your hand as he became fully hard, and water dripped from his hands as he lifted them to find your hips, groping tightly as he rolled up to meet your slow pumps. 

You slowed down, even more, grip tightening as you waited for him to beg, the same way he’d promised you would be, before you’d turned the tables on him. You’d never had much of a chance to see him this way, to take him apart slowly, piece by piece until he was begging you for it, and you gave in, moving your hand a little faster each time he moaned out, before a needy whine was the loudest sound yet;

“Kitten, stop teasing me, please.”

“But, it’s so much fun. That’s what you like to do to me.” He cracked his eyes open, somehow finding the strength to lift his head, muscles stiff as he neared the edge, but a defiant look was flashing through his eyes. “Don’t you remember, the time you made me wait hours to cum, I lost count of how many times you brought me to the edge, before letting me wind back down? I remember, I was shaking and crying, begging you for it, and when you finally let me cum, it was so good that everything went blank, and it took almost half an hour for everything to come back into focus.”

He smirked a little, the expression quickly dropping as his mouth formed an ‘o’ shape when you toyed with the patch under the tip of his cock that made him go weak, before you were slowing down once again, and a desperate sound left him. “I remember. How could I not? You were wearing my favourite lingerie, and it was the first time you squirted. It was incredible.”

“Well, you made me wait that night, so now, you get to wait.”

“No, no, please. I’m so close, I’m gonna’ come, kitten.” You stopped, hand stilling around him, before you were letting him go, solid cock bobbing in the water as a sob left him, and you caught his wrist in your hands before he could take his pleasure into his own hands. You knew very well that he could overpower you if he wanted to, and it looked like he was going to, before he was giving in, a defeated look on his face as his arms went loose in your grasp. “You really are torturing me.”

“Oh, honey, you’ll get what you want in the end.”

“Yeah, but how long do I have to wait?” He grumbled, watching as you stood up, dark eyes raking over your naked and wet form, licking his lips and grinning happily as you stepped out of the bath, just happy it was finally over. He pulled the plug on the drain, the water began to slip away, before he was following you, grabbing a towel from the rack himself and chasing after you to the bedroom as you dried yourself as you walked. 

A hand reached out, finding your waist as he turned you to face him, and you let him do so, before you were pushing him backwards, waiting for the back of his legs to find the bed and he fell backwards, sitting on the edge of the mattress, both towels falling away. “Tell me what you want, Mitch.”

“I want to come.” He hissed, a scowl on his face, and you tutted at his attitude, a shocked look flittering over your lover’s features at the sound. You were having fun at his extent, the role reversal being more than he could handle, but he forced himself to relax, shaking himself down and slumping down on the bed, his hands being all that was holding him up now. “I just want to come.”

“‘Course you do, and we’ll get to that, but not yet. Tell me what else you want.”

He considered it all, before a lopsided smile was taking over, and he was resting himself back against the covers. “If I tell you, will you give it to me?”

“Isn’t that what you always do for me? Take care of me, give me what I want without really giving me what I want.” He chuckled, nodding his head, and he watched as you moved around the bed, pulling the scrunchie from your hair and letting it fall free once again. 

“I would love it if you sucked my cock.” You grinned a little, his own hands twitching by his side as his cock bobbed in the air, angry and flushed, leaking precum at the tip as he balanced on the verge of coming. “Just the way you know I like it, when you let me fuck your mouth, choking on my cock, you look so pretty like that. I like it especially much when you let me paint your beautiful face, sticky and white.” He snickered at his own words, and you raised a brow, sinking to your knees between his thighs, and he propped himself up on his elbows as he waited for you to make a move. 

“You’re trying to top from the bottom, Mitch Rapp. That’s not allowed.” 

“Yeah, well, you already won’t let me cum. What else are you going to do?” He was so sure of himself, so confident, and so you traced your tongue along his length, top to bottom, and his stomach clenched up, lines of his muscles clear, and you chuckled as he reached a hand out towards you, the intention of lacing it into your hair. 

“You can’t touch.”

“What?” He was startled, and you repeated your motion, making sure to swirl the wet article around the head of his cock now too, and his hips bucked upwards, cock smeared across your cheek, and you glared falsely at him, taking him in your hand. 

“You asked what else I was going to do. You tested me. Now, you don’t get to touch, either. I know just how much you like to do that.”

He let out a string of curses, collapsing back into laying down once again, fingers twisting in the bedsheets as he tried to contain himself, and you wanted to push his limits a little more. Sealing your lips around him, you sank your way along his cock, until he was tapping the back of your throat, and a pathetic sound left him as the sheets shifted under his hold, pulling tight as he tried to contain himself. His hips were moving, pushing up into your mouth as he tried to get even deeper within the wet heat of your mouth, but your nails dug into his thighs, making him tremble as they dropped back down, body curling in on himself a little bit at the shock of the sting that moved along his body. 

Pleas fell from him from the moment your cheeks hollowed around him, tight and filthy, and you swallowed around him as you leaned down far enough to feel his tip hitting the back of your throat. The burn in your eyes was something you loved, tears slipping down your cheek as you gagged along his length, swallowing around him. Everything within you wanted to please him, to bring him to his peak, to hear him growl out your name alongside sweet praises as he always did, but today, it was different. Today, you were in charge, you were taking him apart, and you pulled back for breath, your hand finding his spit-slick cock and pumping quickly.

“Oh, shit, baby..” He was gasping for breath, body rigid and tense as you leaned over him, kissing along his stomach, tracing his happy trail with the tip of your tongue as he sighed, before sucking a bruise into the pale flesh of his hip bone. “Please, please, fuck, let me come..”

“You’re doing so good, though..” You mumbled, words whispered into his skin, and as you felt him near that peak, you pulled away once again, ignoring his sobs as he was left dry, and you tried to suppress your thrill, kissing your way up his body slowly, and his eyes were still screwed up when you reached his face, features softening as you leaned in to kiss him. 

He was more than eager, searching for any kind of contact at this point, and he lifted his head to meet you halfway. When you licked along the seam of his lips, he parted them happily, letting you explore his mouth as though you’d never done so before, coaxing him to join you until you could feel the tension slip away from his body, relaxing under your touch, the bedding falling loose again as his fingers uncurled from them. 

Taking his hands, one at a time, you lifted them up, pinning them over his head, and ignoring the way he let out needy noises into your mouth, muscles twitching under your skin as you trailed your fingertips back along his arms, featherlight touches that made him jerk a little as they tickled him. Taking a seat across his lap once again, joint sounds of pleasure erupted from the both of you as your sodden heat pressed along his length. 

Rocking your hips, you pushed down against him, and his head was pressing into the bedding, dark tufts of hair looking more than inviting to tangle your fingers in you rode him, something you rarely ever got to do, but your body was singing out, and you were more than happy to take this opportunity as it reared its head. The tip of his cock grazed your clit each time, you could feel every throb he made, and with a simple shift of your hips, he was lined up at your entrance, ready to sink into your welcoming warmth when you let him. 

His eyes met your own, and he lifted his head from where it lay flat, eyes dropping down to the place where you both connected, before they were rolling back in his head as you finally sank down onto him. 

“Oh, fucking hell, I’ve never loved your pussy more than right now.” He hissed the words out through gritted teeth, and you gave yourself a second to adjust, feeling the width of him stretching you out as your breath felt knocked from your lungs. That same desperate rigidity was back, short puffs of air as he struggled not to come undone, but then you rocked your hips, lifting yourself up just enough to slam down onto him, squeezing him as you did and with a loud cry, he broke. 

Ribbons of hot cum spattered your walls, filling you up in the most delicious way, the same way that always made you feel weak, your body trembling atop his as you tried to keep up your pace, the way he was sobbing and moaning your name was something so erotic you wondered why you’d never thought to want it before, and now, you knew why he dragged it out for you. It was a mind-blowing pleasure, the kind that made our head spin, and you’d always been on the receiving end of it, but you could see the appeal from his side. It made something that made you feel powerful, and confident, and entirely beautiful in your own skin, to see the effect you could have on another person, even through your insecurities, as you watched him fall apart. 

“Holy shit, that was incredible.”

His words were slurred, choked out through a contented sigh, before he was moaning again, thrusting up weakly into you as you continued to take what you needed and never once did he soften within you, he just continued to stay the way he was, his thighs tensing behind you as he pulled his feet up to rest flat on the bed. 

“That’s it, kitten. Ride me, you look so fucking good on my cock, tits bouncing, you’re absolutely perfect.” He was biting down on his lower lip, that one orgasm seeming to have cleared his mind, because he was right back to being the cocky tease you knew and loved, and as you felt your own peak climbing up, you fell forwards. Hands on his chest to support yourself, he pushed up into you as your nails dug into his chest, revelling in the little bursts of pain, it gave to him. “Please, kitten, you made me feel good. Let me make you feel good, too.”

His eyes were honest, and pure, and the way he bit down on his lower lip as he tried to fuck up into you was your final breaking point. “Yes.”

As soon as the words had left your mouth, you were flipped over, onto your back and his length left you as he did, before wide hands were parting your thighs, a flat tongue smoothing over your folds as he greedily took everything you had to give him, lapping at the slick that coated your thighs, a mixture of you and him, cleaning you of everything that had amounted, and your hands came down to tangle in his hair. Tugging harshly, he growled, biting down on the inside of your right thigh roughly until you yelped, jerking away from him, and he kissed over the patch carefully to soothe it, before two fingers were plunging into your centre and setting a speed you could barely comprehend. 

“Mitch!”

“That’s right, sweetheart, scream my name. That’s how it should be.” He was more than boasting, his ego shooting through the roof as your entire body quivered, and he pressed his other hand down flat onto your stomach to pin you down, roughly fucking you onto his fingers as you shot over the edge. Gushing arousal, you cried out, his pace never letting up as your back arched, eyes rolling and your screams went silent at this point, jaw slack. “I want to punish you, I want you to know that torture, but then again, I suppose I deserved it. Now, we’re even. I want you to have a climax like I did.” 

“Fuck, I can’t, Mitch!” 

“Yes, you can! You said that last time, but you came better than you ever did before. You came so good it went on for almost two full minutes.” He smirked, and you could feel that same kind of blinding ecstasy shooting through you, head to toe as every nerve lit up, and those same fingers left you for a second, before he was filling you up with something much larger. He wasted no time, cock pounding in and out of you as you clung to him frantically, nails dragging marks into his back. 

Frenzied kisses, a bruising pace, and then you were exploding, tears running down your cheeks as he eased you through it, following you into a second peak less than before but as he felt you explode, he followed suit. A chant of his name, a series of curses, wet kisses that were more just gasps for breath as your mouths melded lazily, before his sweaty form was collapsing down on top of you, spent and weak, and you held onto him tightly.

Your heart was still racing, so fast you thought it may actually give out, and then he was rolling off of you, trying to catch his breath as that same fucked out but blissful expression took over on his face. “As much as I hated that, I can’t deny that it was incredible.”

“Mhm.”

He cooed, rolling over and pulling you into him as exhaustion and laziness took over, and for a few minutes, you couldn't even force your eyes open. Just the feeling of his fingers stroking up and down your back, tracing your spine as he soothed you, before you were lifting your head, curling into him a little more as you threw a leg over his own, and he gripped onto you tightly. 

“Next time, let’s do it the usual way.” 

“I absolutely agree.”

He could only laugh, body shaking a little under your touch, before he was bringing his head up to peer at you, catching your lips in a simple kiss, before placing you down in the pillows. Wriggling the blanket out from under your body, he covered both of your naked forms with it, the heat having died down, and you were reaching out for him again, pulling him closer to you as you sought out his warmth and affections. 

“I meant it, by the way.”

“Meant what?” You whispered, fingers brushing over a yellowing bruise over his ribs that you hadn't noticed until now, but wanted to heal, and protect him again, now that he was home. 

“That you’re my forever.” A hand petting your hair, lips brushing your temple, and you were barely hanging on to consciousness, but these were words you wanted to hear. “I don’t want anyone else. Just you, I love you with everything I have. I know sometimes I’m not great at showing it, but it’s true. Sometimes I just need you to show me the way.”

“Well, you can show it by making me breakfast tomorrow morning.” You joked, a loud laugh leaving him, and you groaned as his chest shook under your cheek, before you were grinning yourself. 

“I manage to muster up the ability to say all that soppy shit, and that’s what you give me in return?” He pinched you lightly, happy with himself as you yelped, before he was rubbing the tender spot gently. “I hate you.”

“I love you, too.”

[harryspet]

a long way down [3] b.barnes & s.rogers

[Warnings] dark bucky barnes x reader, dark steve rogers, violence, death, heavy angst, the walking dead au, slice of life, domestic steve, vaginal sex (wear protection, please)

A/N: I love how this was supposed to be a one-shot and now I’m finding all the ways to make this series longer and add more drama. 

ADULT AND TRIGGERING CONTENT AHEAD

In which your world is shaken again and you’re forced to run back to your first safe haven. 

word count: 3.4k

series masterlist

T H E  N E X T  S P R I N G 

“She recognizes you,” You said, watching Peter’s eyes widen as the baby smiled up at him. It was currently tummy time in the living room and the two of you laid beside her, watching her explore her environment, “That’s Uncle Peter, right Margot?”

You watched her little fingers wrap around her little toys as she proceeded to put them in her mouth to taste them. Six whole months had passed since she was welcomed to this scary world and she’d already grown so much, “It’s me, Margot. It’s me,” Peter spoke in a cute voice and the baby proceeded to babble something incoherent, “Bet you I can get her to say Peter before she says Mama.”

You rolled your eyes at that as you continued to watch her, “You will be saying Mama first, missy,” You told her though she was only focused on a bright orange ring toy. You could look at her little face for hours on hours. You hadn’t felt true love until you laid eyes on her. 

The long journey it took you to get here only made you love her more. You were lucky that she didn’t come too early. God forbid you needed a c-section or she was facing the wrong way. You wanted her to survive and that’s all you hoped and prayed for. When you lost too much blood and began to pass out, you were still happy knowing she’d be okay. 

You didn’t think you would make it. Sharon did her best to give you the best care she could but modern medicine wasn’t available to you. You were sick and on bed rest for the first two months she was alive so now you were enjoying the time when you could move around with her. During the time you were unconscious, Steve had made the considerate decision to name the baby Margaret after some long lost love. 

Margaret Rogers. 

You refused to call her that and decided on a nickname of your own choosing.

“C’mere, Margot,” You sat up, lifting the baby into your lap, “Let me show you something cool, Peter.” 

Peter sat up too, his eyes confused as you removed one of her little socks. She was still happily waving around the toy as you ran a finger down the sole of her foot. Her little toes spread out like a little fan, “That’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my life,” Peter declared and you giggled. 

“It’s called the Babinski reflex. It might go away as early as twelve months so I’m going to savor the cuteness,” You encouraged Peter to try it too and the boy seemed to swoon over Margot. You moved the baby into his lap, continuing to tell him about all the little milestones that Margot was passing. 

“She’s like a sponge, it’s amazing,” Peter said, bouncing the little girl in his lap, “Do you get any sleep?”

You nodded, “I’m up by five every morning but I’m used to it now. If she wakes up while I’m sleeping, Steve takes care of her. Luckily, she’s sleeping through the night.”

“Such a sweet girl,” Peter cooed, “I’m sure you’d never cause Mommy any problems.” You were lucky that Margot’s temperament was easy. She got frustrated like all other babies but she wasn’t very sensitive. You thought it meant she’d do well in a world like this. 

The two of you spent more time with Margot but your peace and serenity was interrupted when both Steve and Bucky returned home. You always got the feeling that they disliked Peter being around but that never stopped you from being friends with him. Peter probably cared more for you then both of them combined. 

“It’s getting late, son,” You heard Steve say, his deep voice trying to be as authoritarian as it could. Steve scared Peter, you could tell that much. 

“I’ll go then,” Peter rushed out, handing the little girl back to you. Margot seemed a bit upset at his absence and you held her to you in order to keep her calm. You knew it was useless to argue about this with Steve and you doubted Bucky would have your back. 

You stood up from your place on her baby blanket, using Margot’s hand to wave goodbye, “Say bye-bye, Peter,” The little girl only mumbled something incoherent, “See you tomorrow.”

“Bye, Margot. Goodbye, Y/N,” Peter smiled before walking out of the living room. The room went silent as Peter made his way to the front door and tension only increased 

Steve walked over to greet his daughter, lifting her from your arms, “Hello, honey-bear,” Margot’s mood seemed to lift again as she recognized her Daddy and Steve’s hard exterior softened. When they were together, it reminded you how alike they looked. He lifted the giggling girl, taking a whiff of her bottom, “You need a change, don’t you?”

“I can do it-”

Steve interrupted you, “No, I’ve got it. Daddy’s gonna change you, yes he is.” 

“Wash your hands please,” You told Steve who was too focused on the tiny creature. As Steve walked away to climb the stairs, your eyes met with Bucky’s. Although you liked that he was forced to face the consequences of his actions, you knew that he was still chasing your affection. He was facing his demons in order to get closer to you. 

“Catch anything good?” You asked, leaning down to collect all the toys. There was a lake just outside the compound limits that Steve and Bucky frequented for their “time to just be a man” where they liked to go fishing. 

“Nothing alive,” Bucky said, following you as you walked into the kitchen. You put the toys into the sink, turning the warm water on in order to clean them. Bucky leaned against the counter and you felt his gaze burning into you, “It’s still pretty peaceful out there, we didn’t run into any walkers. I was thinking we could go out there together, you could take a break like you deserve.”

“Go out there and do what?” You asked, your eyes not meeting his. 

“I don’t know, have a picnic or something.”

“Or something?” You scoffed, scrubbing at the toys, “Sounds romantic.”

Bucky’s lips pressed into a thin line of frustration, “I’m trying here. I’m not good at … romantic stuff.”

“To say the least,” You added, “Bucky, I don’t need or want a break. I’m perfectly content right now.”

“You’re sure about that? You don’t have any other needs begging to be met?” You scowled at him, knowing what he was hinting at. Steve had barely touched you since you started showing and, after the rough birth, he wasn’t willing to rush into trying for a boy. 

“I’m sure.”

+

“Looks like both the girls are down for the night,” Steve said, letting out a sigh as he sat in his desk chair. Bucky sat in the chair in front of Steve’s desk, his feet kicked up on the desk. 

“What about Sharon?”

Steve rubbed his temples at the mention of the woman, “She’s been working late at the infirmary. She won’t tell me but I know it’s because my attention has been elsewhere,” Bucky was beginning to doubt Steve’s feeling for Sharon in the first place. It seemed Steve was ready to completely let the woman go due to her infertility, “I don’t really care if she doesn’t come back. Y/N and I can handle things on our own.”

Bucky only nodded, his mind already wandering elsewhere. Steve noted his friend's frustration and wondered why the man continued to bother with you. Even after all this time, Bucky still didn’t have anyone else on his mind, “What’s on your mind, Buck?”

Bucky’s fingers rubbed over his facial hair as he thought, “That Peter kid.”

Right away, Steve understood. It had been a topic they avoided despite knowing how each other felt about it, “What about him?”

“You don’t think he spends a little too much time around here? With your daughter?”

Steve didn’t believe Peter was any real threat to his family here. Steve saw him as a distraction for you. Someone who helped you forget your worries, “This is about her, Buck. You don’t want him around her.”

“Fine,” Bucky threw up his hands in defeat, “I think he’s getting in the way of Y/N letting me in again. She has Peter to be there and tell her everything's going to be alright so she doesn’t need me.”

“Tell her not to see him then. Matter of fact, tell him to stay away,” Steve spoke simply, the solution obvious in his mind. 

“If she knows I had something to with it, it’ll make things worse. I have to be the good guy in her eyes.”

Steve smiled, a lightbulb going off in his mind, “Shall I be the bad guy then?”

Bucky moved his feet, leaning forward in his chair, “What are you thinking?”

“I still need someone to replace you. Someone to travel and relay messages between our camp and my allies. Peter could fill the position for the time being,” Bucky didn’t think over it long before he agreed. All that was on his mind was winning you back and this would only help his cause, “I need to keep up appearances around here anyways. We don’t need some kid running around here with our girls, right?”

“Right,” Bucky said, his mind on you, “Thanks, Steve.”

“No need, Buck. We have to look out for each other. Besides that, I think it's a good time to ask you to be my second in command.”

+

Margot was a complete celebrity in Liberty. You couldn’t walk on the street without people coming up to wave or to get a look at her. Margot was good with strangers which only solidified her position as princess of this place. 

It was a sunny spring day and you had dressed her in a floral dress and a pink bow. You carried her in one hand and held a tupperware of deserts in the other hand. Sam wasn’t far behind but that hadn’t changed in the past year. 

“We’re going to find uncle Peter, yes we are,” You cooed to the little girl who was energized from her latest nap, “And he’s going to love the cookies we made him.”

You eventually got to the barracks where Steve’s group of soldiers usually stayed, you walked through the long lines of bunk beds to find his. As you passed some men, all of them burly and intimidating, they even waved hello to your little one. 

As you approached Peter’s bunk you found it empty, only a mattress sitting on top of the metal. All of his comics and textbooks were nowhere to be found. You searched around for the nearest person and found a group of older men playing some dice game, “Excuse me, do you know where Peter Parker is today? He slept over there,” You asked, pointing to Peter’s bunk. 

“Packed up early this morning,” The man said, “Think he got reassigned.”

“Reassigned where?” You asked.

“Something outside of the compound. Poor kid.”

Your heart started pounding heavily as you turned back to Sam, “Take me to Steve. Now.”

“He’s on duty-”

“Find him and take me to him, Sam.”

+

Margot was screaming in your eyes mostly because she sensed how upset you were. As soon as you approached Steve, he swooped the little girl into his arms, trying to calm her, “What the hell are you doing?” Steve asked. He came down from one of the watchtowers, a rifle still strapped to his back, as he saw you approaching with Sam. 

“Peter? Where did you send him?”

Steve sighed, “Y/N-”

“Where did you send him?” You shouted back. 

“I needed a new emissary and he volunteered to do it,” Steve stated simply. 

“By himself? He’s a kid, Steve!” Margot cried louder but your blood was boiling, “You’re going to get him killed!”

“We all have to earn our keep around here, Y/N. Some people put their lives on the line for a chance to live here and then people like you spread your legs for it. That’s how it works, sweetheart.”

“You’re a fucking monster,” You spat at him. 

+

Bucky scoured the camp looking for you for a good hour. You were sitting at the bottom of a big tree, staring out into a small field. Where the field ended, the wall began. Bucky startled you when he suddenly appeared and you were quick to try and wipe away your tears. 

He took a seat beside you, leaning his back against the tree. This area of the camp was peaceful, it was no wonder that you had taken a liking to it. 

“What are you doing here?” You asked, your face in a frown. 

“I thought you didn’t need a break,” Bucky said, avoiding your question. 

“This isn’t a break,” You said softly, “You’re supposed to feel relaxed on a break-” As your voice cracked and the tears started falling again, Bucky wrapped an arm around your soldier. You leaned into him and sobbed into his shoulder. 

“I didn’t even get to say goodbye,” You tried to speak as you choked on your sobs.

“He’ll be back, I promise” Bucky stated, “Probably sooner than you think. The kid can handle himself.”

“He shouldn’t have to. Margot shouldn’t have to,” You said, “It isn’t fair.”

Bucky rubbed your shoulder, drawing lines on your skin with his fingers, “I know, doll.”

It was like losing your family all over again. It was worse than losing them. At least you knew they were dead. You wouldn’t know if he was alive or dead and, if something happened, you wouldn’t even know how it happened. There were so many things outside of the walls that could get you killed. 

You pulled away from Bucky gently, realizing how long it had been since you’d been in his arms. Looking into those blue eyes gave you a weird sense of familiarity. Of home, “Maybe you could talk to Steve? For me?”

Bucky nodded, “Of course, doll.”

You stared at his moment and Bucky noted the way your gaze traveled to your lips. Bucky reached over to wipe a tear from your cheek. He couldn’t hide how attracted to you he was, even when you were crying. Bucky placed a soft, hesitant kiss on your cheek, “Everything’s going to be okay. All I should worry about is your little one.”

You took a deep breath, nodding in agreement. 

It must’ve been the emotions or the off-balance hormones because, when Bucky leaned into your lips, you didn’t stop him. In fact, you welcomed that touch. The soft kisses soon became more desperate and hungry. Your lips were angry, demanding as they moved against his. 

It shocked Bucky as much as it did to you. Bucky was elated but he had little time to celebrate you being back in his clutches. You were hungry for something and he was going to make sure you were satisfied. 

Bucky pulled you into his lap and, as you straddled him you said, “Just this once.”

“Just this once,” Bucky agreed, knowing the opposite would be true. 

Your lips devoured each other and Bucky explored your mouth with his hands pulled down the straps of your sundress. As your breast sprang free, he palmed them his hand. The cold of his metal hand sent shivers down your spine but Bucky warmed you again with his mouth. He played with your nipple in his mouth causing you to bite down on your lips. 

Your hands ran through his hair as you savored the feeling. As he moved his mouth away, his head tilted up at you, “You’re so beautiful,” Bucky said and you rolled your eyes, leaning down to undo his belt and zipper. 

“Just fuck me, okay?” Bucky grabbed you by your ass roughly pulling you into him. He reached under your dress, tucking your underwear to the side as he positioned himself at your entrance. You could feel how hard he already was and the idea of him filling you up was making your mouth water with anticipation. 

As you slowly impaled yourself on his cock, your mouth was agape. You realized how full he made you fill, how complete you felt. Bucky held your hips as you began to bounce up and down. Bucky groaned huskily, loving how your face contorted to different expressions as the pleasure went through you. 

As you tried to contain your moans, Bucky placed kisses along your jaw and then on your neck. He felt all your anger and sadness as you used it as motivation, moving your body hard against his. 

The two eventually met your climaxes together, your body shaking as you rode out the rest of the wave. You breathed heavily, leaning against his body. You tucked your head into his shoulder and Bucky simply wrapped his arms around you. 

“Say you won’t leave again,” You whispered.

“I won’t leave you ever again, doll.”

+

The next day you awoke beside Bucky. You watched him as he slept peacefully, his hand over his shirtless chest and his chest slowly rising and falling. That “just this once” had turned into four times which you were sure he was happy with. You had to admit that you didn’t have that morning-after regret that you expected. Bucky had done such horrible things to you and yet he managed to bring you joy like no other. 

You hated that you ran back after resisting for so long but, without Peter, you were once again feeling completely lost. Being with Bucky reminded you of simpler times and, despite the hell you knew it would bring, it was worth it just to feel that comfort. 

Suddenly, you heard commotion coming from downstairs, glass shattering and Steve’s booming voice traveled through the air. You shook Bucky awake as you  began to throw on some clothes, “Bucky, something’s going on!” You threw on some boots and Bucky put on a t-shirt before the two of you filed out of your room. 

You heard your little girl wailing and you followed the sound. You found the front door wide open and quickly ran out of it. As you moved down the porched steps, the sight before you stopped your heart. Steve was holding Margot in one hand and a pistol in the other. A pistol that was pointing at a begging and pleading Sharon. 

Bucky tried to grab your hand but you ran towards him, “Steve, what the hell are you doing?” Your eyes widened even more as you noticed that Margot had no clothes on except for a checkered dishtowel and her skin was wet.

Steve handed you the child but kept the gun pointed at the woman. By now, everyone had filed out of their homes and were watching the chaos, “She tried to drown our baby,” Was all he said, shaking with anger. 

“I-I would never!” Sharon shouted back, her hands up as she laid on the gravel, “Please-”

“I fucking saw you!” Steve shouted back and you felt Bucky’s arm pulling you away. You stepped back with him, knowing that if the gun went off that you didn’t want Margot anywhere near it. 

Your eyes connected with Sharon’s and there was only pure hatred there. She didn’t even look sorry for what she was being accused of, “I was helping! I was taking care of her! You know me, Steve!”

Steve didn’t believe her and you hated that you didn’t either. Was she really capable of something like this? All because of jealousy? Jealousy over a life that you didn’t even want. 

“You weren’t even supposed to be in my house!” You watched as Steve cocked the gun, “You’re lucky I walked in when I did. If you had gotten away with hurting my little Margaret, I would’ve dismembered you piece by piece and I would've enjoyed it. Consider this a blessing.”

“Steve, don’t-” You pressed yourself into Bucky, trying to protect the crying child in your arms as the gun went off and the blonde woman fell limp. 

Steve tucked the weapon into his belt, his muscle still tense, as he tried not to contain whatever emotions were coursing through him, “Early start today. Everyone get to work!” Steve shouted to every citizen who was listening, “And get her body off my fucking street!”

Silence fell over the small town of Liberty. 

+

Hope you enjoyed! Let me know your thoughts and predictions!

[genshin-impact-updates]

Developer Insight #4: Character Stories (I) - "Vigilant Yaksha" Xiao (Part I)

Greetings, Travelers!

It's been almost five whole months since Genshin Impact went live, and the time seems to have flown by! We do hope you're all enjoying a smooth journey through Teyvat. Since the game's release, we have received a great deal of feedback and suggestions from Travelers and we've systematically recorded each one for the developers. We deeply appreciate all the time, energy, and passion everyone puts in to these suggestions.

In the midst of this, many of you have expressed an interest in learning more about how some of Genshin Impact's characters are created. As it happens, one character who has received an especially high amount of attention is Xiao, who has now entered the live game with the release of Version 1.3, "All That Glitters." So, for this issue, we've invited colleagues from the Creative Concept & Writing, Concept Art, and Animation departments to explain a bit about the thought process behind everyone's favorite Vigilant Yaksha.

1. The Vigilant Yaksha Is Born: A Character Woven From Cultural Symbolism

Hello everyone, my name is Zhongyuan from the Creative Concept & Writing department of miHoYo.

The first part of the process when designing characters for Genshin Impact is to pin down who the character is at their core. In this step, we need to establish the features that set this character apart from other characters. Besides ensuring that this character will make a strong impression on people, these features are used to evaluate what this character's position in the world of Genshin Impact will be. Characters are not just lumps of rock that we can place anywhere we want in the environment; they are autonomous individuals, each one with a complex set of past, present, and future interactions with the world of Teyvat. Their core features, then, represent their initial points of contact with the world. They are the guiding principles behind all the character's actions and how they live their life.

Xiao was one of the first Liyue characters we came up with. He began with our colleague CiCi's proposal for a young warrior character, which everyone involved in the character evaluation process approved of. The Art team envisaged him as a young man of great beauty, while colleagues in Creative Concept & Writing hoped to position him as a beautiful adeptus. Both sides were on the same page, and thus Xiao became our very first character planned with the identity of "mighty and illuminated adeptus."

Although this is somewhat tangential, I'd like to take a moment here to give a little more detail on the adepti in the Genshin Impact universe, given that so many players have expressed an interest in this topic. The adepti are based on the idea of demigod-like "immortals" (仙人 xianren) in Daoism, and are referred to by the honorific title "sanyan wuxian" (三眼五显), literally "three eyes and five manifestations" (but localized in English as "mighty and illuminated"). The adepti are classed as non-human, based on the notion that "All who have nine orifices can achieve immortality through self-discipline," a line uttered by the "Monkey King" Sun Wukong in the Ming-dynasty novel Journey to the West. This means that animals are also capable of achieving adeptus status. However, humans have a higher purpose than adepti in the world of Teyvat, so for this reason, only those of non-human status can be referred to as "adepti" in Liyue. The "three eyes" part of the adepti's title refers to the "third eye" possessed by those with the ability to manipulate elemental energy, which for humans takes the form of a Vision. For adepti such as Cloud Retainer and Mountain Shaper, the human understanding is that they must have an "inner eye" that serves the same purpose as a Vision. Xiao, however, typically appears in a human form, so he dutifully wears a Vision to comply with the expected norm.

After the character's fundamentals are established, the next step is to design their Constellation and refine their cultural background.

Outside of Genshin Impact, the term "sanyan wuxian" can be traced back to ancient Chinese texts and also appears in supernatural fiction from the Late Imperial period (c. 1368–1911 CE). In both cases, it typically describes the Daoist deity Huaguang Tianwang (华光天王, "Heavenly King of Radiant Light"), also known as Ma Lingguan (马灵官, "Numinous Official Ma"). Huaguang Tianwang is a well-known guardian deity, who appears in the Ming-dynasty novel Journey to the South, in which he has an altercation with Sun Wukong. Research into folk culture also shows there is precedent to connect deities known as Wuxian (五显, "Five manifestations" or "Five Named Xian") with a group of malevolent deities known as Wutong (五通, "Five Powers" or "Five Named Tong"), which includes the one-legged, people-eating, mountain-dwelling demons known as Shanxiao (山魈, "mountain demon").

So, at the most hidden but fundamental level of this character's core, we decided on the name Xiao (魈) and the identity of a guardian-adeptus. The name Xiao is used to hide his past, but also embodies this character at the innermost part of his soul. It is the starting point for all further character development and cultural embellishments.

Another dimension of Xiao's design was that he wields an Anemo Vision and has a fleet-footed and agile combat style that includes the unique ability to propel himself through the air. To stay true to this, we decided to design his Constellation and skills around the idea of the yaksha in Buddhism. This meant we were conflating ideas from different sources; nevertheless, the yaksha had become a well-established figure in Chinese folk legends by at least the end of the Tang dynasty (618–907 CE). The yaksha element ended up being a crucial part of Xiao's design that really helped us flesh him out in terms of his image.

The two archetypal stories of "guardian yaksha" and "numinous official's redemption" both involve a malevolent spirit on a path towards goodness, which was consistent with the general direction of Xiao's character core. Furthermore, his physical agility matched very well with another term for yaksha in Chinese, "Swift and nimble spirit" (捷疾鬼 jieji gui). Through further development of the yaksha concept, we arrived at the decision that the other fundamental aspect of Xiao's identity would be his role as a guardian yaksha in service of a monarch, or in this case, an archon.

One detail is particularly worth mentioning here. There is a well-known group of guardian yakshas in some Buddhist denominations known as the Twelve Heavenly Generals. All but one of them correspond to different animals in the Chinese zodiac, while Mekhila, who would otherwise correspond to the rooster, is instead associated with a bird deity, the golden-winged Garuda, a figure from various Indian religions. The story goes that this golden-winged bird deity was a fearsome predator who ate only evil dragons, until one day the dragon poison he had consumed became too much for him to bear, and he burned to death, leaving only a crystal heart behind. This story seemed to resonate with aspects of Xiao's character. Furthermore, the Chinese name Jinchi Peng Wang Niao (金翅鹏王鸟, "Golden Winged Great Peng") embodies a history of evolution — it represents a convergence between Garuda and the Peng, a Chinese mythological bird, showing that some adaptation occurred in the process of his adoption into Chinese religion. After much consideration, we decided to use the Golden Winged Great Peng as the basis for Xiao's Constellation. In English, Xiao's Constellation has been localized as "Alatus Nemeseos," in reference to the bird deity and Xiao's role as the nemesis of evil.

Finally, we conducted an overall review of Xiao's character profile. During this process, we noticed that Xiao's origins were very complex: Some aspects of his identity were based on folk legends while others drew on religious stories. From mountain demon, to Daoist deity, to guardian yaksha, to mythological bird, this was a uniquely rich character formed from the convergence and refashioning of many ideas in one place. More importantly, all these elements were consistent with each other at the narrative layer, creating a strong and cohesive impression of who this character is and adding clear, nuanced substance to his story. This degree of complexity gave Xiao just the depth and appeal that we were hoping for with this character: we hoped to create something entirely new through the convergence and fusion of various cultural elements, and we hope that the end result, Xiao, possesses the power, aesthetic value, and maturity to become a true cultural icon.

The next step was shaping the character's personality and behavior.

After close consultation with Concept Art colleagues, Creative Concept & Writing further fine-tuned the details of this character's content. To pick one example, we all felt that the distinctive image of a young warrior was an important one that we wanted to keep. This begged the question: if Xiao is a warrior, who or what is he waging war against? We quickly got to thinking about a war between the gods. (See section 2 of this article for how Concept Art developed the mask design based on this idea.) One of the basic rules of the Genshin Impact world is that gods cannot be completely destroyed — even if a god's physical form is destroyed, its will and power live on. The remnants and the wrath of the defeated god will remain in the world, waiting for opportunities to cause chaos. To keep Liyue safe from this threat, somebody has to go and keep them at bay.

The decision to release Xiao at Lantern Rite was to tie in with the Chinese custom of driving away evil spirits at the new year, since Xiao's role in Liyue is that of a protector in precisely this capacity.

During festivals, people offer up incense and pray to the adepti for their protection.

But they do not pray to Xiao.

For Xiao is no lucky star that promises fame and fortune — he is a demon-hunting yaksha.

After the lantern lights of Liyue have faded, the thankless battle to protect the city goes on unseen. It is an endless battle, and there can be no victor.

The Traveler's first impression of Xiao is most likely to be of a silent and brooding individual, a courageous and competent fighter, and someone who harbors great suffering. This suffering comes from within Xiao himself. One aspect is that the years of intense, never-ending battle against the remnants of defeated gods have led to him resigning himself to the fact that fighting is all he is good at. The other aspect is that the remnants have a negative effect on him, while the constant killing places a karmic burden on him, causing him mental and spiritual anguish.

This inner suffering is present in the design of his skills: when Xiao uses "Bane of All Evil," he dons his mask, which continually enhances his combat abilities but also continually drains his health. This demonstrates the great suffering he must endure as a consequence of using this power.

After the Traveler has spent some time with Xiao, perhaps they can sense that deep down, Xiao has a gentler side. Xiao is by no means a cruel and callous individual, he is simply reticent to show his emotions to others.

Xiao always keeps his distance from the hustle and bustle of human society. This is not because he doesn't care about humanity, but is due to his role as a protector. He must wage war against dark forces out of sight of humans, and endure a suffering that is incomprehensible to them. Despite this, he does not despise humanity. Humans are the foundation of his millennia-old contract with Rex Lapis, and the reason he silently fights to protect every living soul in Liyue.

The player's first offer to Xiao is to go to the Lantern Rite together to experience the atmosphere. Xiao instinctively refuses requests of this nature— not because he dislikes the idea, but out of avoidance. For Xiao, who has lived for millennia, the human world is a brilliant but fleeting flash of light; a wisp of cloud floating by; a firework on the horizon. And as the one tasked with defending this flurry of activity, he is like a caged beast circling the fire of a stove: fearful, but also full of curiosity. Having watched from a distance for so long, he would not know how to join in with the crowd even if he tried.

The lanterns rise up into the night sky, as if to shine along with the stars. Xiao watches this beautiful sight alone from a mountaintop, and just like anyone else, he senses the sentiment behind them, and he understands that the reason people craft these beautiful things is to remember those who fought alongside him in the past. As one who lived through the events of the past and remembers it all, he is, of course, able to appreciate the well-wishes that the lanterns represent. He understands kindness and gratitude, but doesn't know how to interact with ordinary people, nor does he know what his place is among all the excitement and noise. This lonely state of existence is the source of his melancholy. It has caused time to stand still, leading to him still having a very young mentality even to this day.

During the main Liyue questline, Xiao came to the Traveler's rescue in their moment of peril. In Version 1.3 "All That Glitters," we invite Travelers once again to experience a story that provides a glimpse into Xiao's seldom-shown gentle nature, as well as the trust, hidden deep within his heart, that he places in you.

2. A Young Adeptus: Detail-Based Design

Hello everyone, this is D and SS from the Genshin Impact Art team. We worked on the concept art for Xiao.

After the initial brief, we produced a first draft of Xiao's design based on the young warrior concept. As you can see, Xiao's expression in this version is far from the stern one he wears today. He has a gentler temperament and he is smiling. In this sense, he captures a more traditional notion of what a Daoist immortal (or in Genshin Impact terms, an adeptus) might look like. After more discussion with Creative Concept & Writing colleagues and taking more of his back story into account, we decided on the green version.

Xiao is an adeptus who protects Liyue, and in the course of his long battle against the remnants of defeated gods all over Liyue, he has become poisoned by their nefarious energy. Based on this background, Xiao's upper body uses white and green, which represent the adepti and correlate to his Anemo Vision. For his lower body, we used darker colors to represent the dark, malevolent power that exists inside him.

Based on these same principles, we gave him dark hair with highlights, and also created some interplay between light and dark in his attack animations. The darkness represents the destructive power of fierce battle, while the fragments and orbs of light that he gives off come from the fact that he is an adeptus.

Xiao may have the appearance of a young man, but his true age is something over two thousand years.

Fortunately, people do not tend to underestimate him on the basis of his appearance — one only needs to spend a short time with Xiao to recognize that he is not someone to be trifled with.

Xiao is a man of few words. He is highly dangerous, and has the most piercing gaze you've ever seen.

Given Xiao's true age and his identity as an adeptus, we decided to give him some jade jewelry to bring a sense of longevity and mystery. Accordingly, his legs, wrists, and shoulders feature decorative jade as well as various other objects bearing simple motifs. Meanwhile, to match his young appearance with striking good looks, we tailored his clothing (especially on the upper body) using a more modern design, displaying his vibrancy and agility.

On the one hand, Xiao is an immortal adeptus, while on the other hand, he is a young warrior. This is a great variance in image, and it posed a significant challenge for us from an art perspective. Traditionally, an immortal is imagined as a scholarly figure dressed in long, flowing robes with wide sleeves, who is fairly reserved in the movements of their hands and feet. But Xiao, as a master of the dance-like art of polearm combat and a fleet-footed yaksha, required clothing that offers both protection and freedom of movement. Furthermore, we also knew that there were strict limits on any flowing parts of his outfit due to the risk of clipping they would create after 3D modeling.

So we made Xiao's garments close-fitting and short-sleeved, put some light gauntlets on his wrists, and added some religious paraphernalia such as a censer and a vajra. Meanwhile, his streamers and the breechcloths around his waist are decorated with a cloud motif to add a sense of antiquity. In this way, we achieved a union between practicality and ethereality.

"Bane of All Evil" — the four words that sum up what Xiao has experienced over the past millennia, according to Liyue's rulers who know the truth about him.

In the design of Xiao's mask, we referenced aspects of the masks traditionally used in exorcism rituals as part of Nuo (傩) folk religion.

The main colors used in these masks are black, blue, and gold, the eyes are bright but not flamboyant, and in general the masks look solemn but also mysterious. The sinister-looking bulging eyes, fangs, and horns instill fear in the viewer. The eye in the center of the forehead represents omniscience and the flame motifs make it all the more imposing, the intent being to cause all onlookers to cower in fear.

Xiao's release coincides with the ancient festival of Lantern Rite. We would like to use this historic occasion as a chance to send our best wishes to everyone — here's to deliverance from the ills that plague the real world as well as those that face us in the world of Teyvat. To fans of Xiao reading this, we hope you feel that learning a little about the design ethos gave you the chance to better understand and connect with this character.

(Continued in Part 2)

[iridescent-petrichor]

we’ll meet again, chapter eight

Pairing: Peter Maximoff x Reader

Warnings: none just the plot of Apocalypse !

Words: 3K (jesus)

Previous Chapter

A/N: final chapter!! hope u guys liked this, i do already have another peter series idea but i might do some oneshots for a bit before i start that :-)

“Were you scared?” Jean was the first one to break the silence, everyone in the plane following her gaze to land on Raven. “That day in DC, were you scared?”

“No,” Raven replied, looking away from her. She paused for a long time, the awkwardness in the room growing. “But I was scared on my first mission. I was on a plane like this with my friends, about your age. We called ourselves the X-men. Your brother was there,” she leaned forward, looking to Scott. “We used to call him Havoc. He was a real handful, but when it came down to it he was very brave.”

“What happened to the rest of the kids who went with you? The X-men?” Kurt piped up.

Raven stopped for a moment, avoiding eye contact with the boy. “Hank and I are the only ones left. I couldn’t save the rest of them. I told you, I’m not a hero.”

“Well, you’re a hero to us,” Jean said, turning to her. “Seeing you that day on TV changed my life.”

“Mine too,” Kurt added.

“Mine too.” You jumped in.

“Mine too.” Peter was the last to speak, and of course, he wasn’t done there. “I mean I still live in my mom’s basement but, you know… everything else is uh, well it’s pretty much the same.” He joked, turning to you with a smile that you returned. “I’m a total loser.” He finished, making the plane of people laugh. He was always good at making people laugh.

The tension was only lifted for a few moments, however, because soon turbulence began to shake the plane lightly. You leaned forward, glancing out the window to see pyramids with debris floating around them in half circles.

“Seventh wonder, twelve o'clock,” Hank muttered dryly.

Raven jumped up, standing between Moira and Hank. You glanced from her to Jean, who was staring intently at nothing.

“He has the professor in the center of the pyramid. He’s going to transfer his consciousness into the professor. If he does that, he’ll have the power to control every mind in the world.”

“Shit.” You whispered, anxiety building in your chest. Peter looked at you before turning back to the chaos outside, his hand finding yours as if it was second nature to him. To both of you.

“What the hell is that?” Moira asked, making you stand up to get a better view.

It was like a ball of debris, more concentrated than the ones around the pyramids. It looked like…

A magnetic field.

“It’s Erik,” Raven confirmed your suspicion.

In an instant, Peter was on his feet, leaning against you and staring down where Erik was.

“You guys help Nightcrawler get into the pyramid. Get Charles, I’ll take care of Erik.” Raven ordered, barely looking to the rest of you before focusing back on Erik.

“How are you gonna get through that?” Hank asked.

“I can get you in there.” Peter stood straighter, looking to Raven. “I came here for him, let me help you.”

She nodded before turning to the rest of you once more. “The rest of you, get Charles on this plane and get him out of here.”

“We’re not leaving without you!” Kurt protested.

“Don’t worry,” Peter looks to Kurt in reassurance. “We’ll catch up.”

“Hold on,” Hank warned, making you grab onto the back of Hank’s chair with Peter grabbing onto you.

Hank landed the plane, dropping you just off to the side of all the chaos happening. You all filed out one by one, Raven and Peter walking ahead of the group.

“Hank, Y/N, you go with the kids. Moira will be waiting on the plane.” It was interesting watching Raven easily falling into a leadership role, especially without Charles around. She always seemed to know what she was doing.

“Wait.” Scott stopped, making the rest of the group turn to him.

“What?”

“Not all of us can control our powers.” Suddenly, you remembered your gloves. You had left them at the mansion when it got destroyed, and you didn’t even realize how well you’d been managing without them.

“Then don’t.” Raven’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts. “You need to embrace them. We all do.”

You couldn’t help but smile at Raven showing off her true form, giving a small wave to Peter before he sped off with her.

Hank gave you a look in regards to your affection towards Peter, before motioning for the group to follow him. You did as such, keeping low just in case someone might see the five of you sneaking around. You ran through the rubble, dust clouding around you.

“There’s an entrance, it’s clear,” Hank said, stopping behind a section of a fallen building.

You glanced up just in time to notice the winged mutant that was with Erik when he took Charles soaring down upon the group. Everyone else looked up too, making you all back up to some extent.

“Kurt! Get in there!” Hank ordered, nodding when Kurt disappeared.

The winged mutant shot metal feathers towards you, only stopped when Jean used her powers to create a makeshift shield out of the rubble. He didn’t stay long, choosing instead to follow Kurt into the pyramid.

“In the pyramid. Move!” You ran in front, eyes darting all around you in case of traps or other mutants protecting the pyramid. Hank stayed in the back, making sure everyone got in safely. “Go!”

Lightning sparked violently to the ground, making you jump back. Within seconds, another mutant from earlier today landed in front of you. Her eyes were white, the same color as her hair, and blue electricity crawled up her arms and around her suit.

Fuck.

She walked towards you, the wind picking up until a car was raised into the air. You barely got to the ground in time, seeing it whir over your head.

You heard Hank roar behind you, attempting to use his strength to stop the car. Scott ripped his glasses off, beams of energy shooting towards the girl. When you glanced back, you saw Hank launch the car towards her.

You shot a wave of fire above you, enveloping the car as it launched towards the girl.

Before you could admire your teamwork, a purple laser sliced through the middle of the car, separating it and the flames as a third mutant jumped through the gap.

“Split them up.” She said, making you cast a nervous look to Hank.

The first girl rose from her spot, lightning shooting towards all of you. You jumped back, scrambling to get behind cover. Running into a half-collapsed building, you ducked to avoid the lightning.

As you struggled to catch your breath, you saw the girl with the purple blades wrapping a kinetic rope around Hank’s neck.

You stumbled back outside just as she yanks the rope, throwing him through a wall. She began pulling him towards her, choking him out in the process.

Gathering as much control as you could, you shot a ball of fire her way, knocking her off her feet and giving Hank the chance to slip out of her grasp. He jumped up, flipping off the ground and kicking her once before grabbing her by the throat and throwing her up to the top of a building.

“Thanks.” He spoke once you caught up to him, standing at his side.

Once Hank headed for the top of the building, you turned your focus back to the original girl. She and Scott were in a showdown, his beams of energy against her lightning.

Just as you started heading over to help Scott, Kurt jumped in and grabbed you. In an instant, you were back on the plane with Jean, Moira, and the professor. It was a different feeling than when you’d be taken places by Peter, less nauseating.

It didn’t take long for Kurt to get everyone on board, Hank climbing into the pilot’s seat.

“Let’s go.” The plane began rising off the ground. You had to force the worry away, trusting that Peter would get back in time. “Locked on.”

“Here we go,” Moira said.

It didn’t take long, however, for a thudding to be heard on top of the plane. Shit.

“What the hell was that?” Moira looked back at the rest of the plane, the fear in her eyes only growing when a purple blade sliced through the ceiling. She turned back to the controls, trying to help in any way.

“Kurt.” Jean’s voice rang out, looking up from her spot beside the professor. “Everyone, grab a hold of Nightcrawler!”

You did as told, dropping to your knees with him and grabbing his wrist.

“I’ve never done it with this many people!” Despite his worry, he prepared for teleportation.

Before he could get you all out of there, however, the winged mutant broke through the ceiling, dropping down into the plane. In an instant, the plane was soaring to the ground at a terrifying speed. While Kurt continued to struggle, you watched the winged mutant for any surprise attacks.

“Kurt hurry!” Jean urged. “Kurt!”

The winged mutant managed to regain his balance, taking aim towards you again.

“Kurt!” Your voice was laced with worry, leaning away from the mutant’s gaze as he took charge towards you.

In a blink, you were safe. Kurt brought you all to a room that was relatively intact, considering everything. When you glanced at him, he was already out cold, overworked.

“Is he okay?” Scott asked, leaning over him.

“It’s his energy, he’s drained,” Jean replied as Hank moved over to check for a pulse.

“Get out.” You heard Charles mumble. “Get out!” He began thrashing around from his spot on the floor, Jean immediately going to him.

“Professor it’s okay, you’re with us.” He opened his eyes, disoriented. “It’s okay,” Jean repeated, her voice soothing.

Once he got a sense of his surroundings, he kept to one of the corners of the room, leaning up against the wall. You and Jean brought Kurt over near him, setting up a bed for him to rest on.

Hearing someone outside calling Charles’ name, you froze. Hank stopped what he was doing, turning in the direction of the voice. It was the mutant from earlier, the one leading all the others.

“Show yourself! Charles!” He yelled, Hank standing in preparation for a fight. You backed up towards the wall next to Charles, keeping a safe distance away from the windows in case you could be seen.

The yelling stopped for a while, the tension growing in the air as everyone waiting for the mutant’s next move. You and Hank exchanged worried looks, Jean and Scott standing off as if forming a human barrier to protect the professor.

“Peter.” He spoke quietly, making you snap to him.

“What?” You asked, dropping to the ground to be eye level with Charles. “Peter?”

He didn’t answer, lost in his own head watching something you couldn’t see.

“Raven,” when he spoke again, everyone turned.

“I’m going out there.” Hank decided, turning towards the door.

“I’m going with you,” Scott added.

You said nothing, simply standing from your spot before the professor weakly grabbed onto you.

“No.” He struggled to stand, using you as support. “It’s me he wants.”

“Charles, you can’t give yourself up,” Moira argued. “He has you, he has us all. The whole world.”

“Charles! Come! Rescue your weaklings! Give your life for theirs!” When the mutant called out again, you turned to see Charles crying.

“No.” He shook his head, voice breaking. Suddenly, he sat up, coming to a decision before he froze. “He was right. There is still some part of me connected to him. I can get inside his head.” He laid back down, finally confident. “Thank you for letting me in.”

His eyes closed, and you knew he was gone to deal with the mutant. Taking the opportunity, you ran to the window, craning your neck to see what had happened to Peter. Before you could, you heard Charles struggling.

Jean ran over to him, checking to see if he was alright when the wall in front of you turned to dust. As it floated away in the wind, you saw the mutant staring up at you. Peter was crouched by his side, his leg trapped in the ground. You backed up, feeling all too exposed. As you did, the mutant walked towards you. It was slow, menacing, and the way he looked up at the house you were in gave you chills.

A steel beam fell past the house, lodging itself into the ground. You jumped, brows furrowing at the object.

Erik?

A second one came down just as quick, forming an X in front of the mutant whose movement was swiftly blocked.

Magneto flew down, hovering above the fight as the debris around him fell back to the ground.

“You betray me?” The mutant’s voice was filled with disgust.

“No.” He answered simply. “I betrayed them.”

The debris flew up once more, shooting towards the mutant. A shield formed around him, protecting him from Erik’s attack.

You glanced to the side, seeing Peter too close for comfort to the debris and the fire that circled the force field the mutant created. Without another moment wasted, you spun around towards the stairwell behind you and ran. You heard Hank say something to Scott as you were heading down, but you paid him no mind. You had to make sure Peter would be okay.

By the time you got to him, Hank was grabbing Raven and getting her to safety. Peter looked up at you, hand instantly finding yours for support. You held onto him, using your free hand to concentrate your powers around the ground entangling his foot. Once you had managed to burn enough of it away, you pulled him free, wrapping one of his arms around your shoulder. He groaned in pain, making your heart sting.

“I got you, don’t worry.” You reassured, following where Hank ran off to, keeping Peter as protected as you could on the way there.

Behind you, Scott was trying to help Erik in his attacks on the mutant. The chaos felt like so much, and yet it wasn’t even putting a dent in him.

Finally, you set Peter down next to Raven, muttering reassurances under your breath that you weren’t sure if it was more to comfort Peter or yourself. Hank, after making sure Raven would be alright, ran off to join the fight as well.

“You’re gonna be fine.” You smiled, crouched down in front of him. He nodded weakly, leaning his head back on the section of the wall that was behind him.

When you stood to follow Hank, his hand caught your wrist, pulling you back down. His other hand came up, cupping your cheek gently as his lips connected with yours. Your eyes widened, before fluttering closed, leaning into the kiss. You reached forwards, one hand resting on his neck, the other finding his hair. For a moment, it felt like nothing else mattered.

Still, you pulled away, a wide smile on your face.

“Go.” He encouraged, smiling tiredly.

“I’ll be back for you.” You pointed, standing and backing away from the boy.

“I know.” He muttered, watching you run off to join your friends.

The painful realization was that you were losing. All of you. By the time you rejoined the fight, Hank was unconscious and Scott was stuck, ground tangling him into the wall.

Despite the circumstances, you let your powers loose, fire raging around him until he turned in your direction.

It only took one swift movement, and you were sent flying backwards in the air, painfully slamming against a wall. You fell to the ground, too weak to move as you watched him. It was a helpless feeling, watching him wave off every attack you all threw at him.

Until Jean stepped in.

She unleashed her power, burning away his armor and the force field that protected him.

It gave way for an opportunity, a way to fight back.

To win.

Hank stood up, rushing over to Scott to break him out of the wall, before running over to you.

“You alright?” He asked, helping you onto your feet. You nodded, ignoring the ringing pain in your head.

“This is it.” You exclaimed, making your way over to Scott as you conjured up as much power as you could.

The combined attacks were finally hitting, metal slicing through him as he was burned by not only Scott’s beams of energy, but your flames.

You didn’t stop when the force field came back up, trying to force the fire past it.

“He’s getting away,” Hank said, nearly defeated.

Just as you began to give up hope, lightning strikes came down on him from above. The force field melted away, along with the mutant that had terrorized you and your friends.

“All is revealed.” As he spoke his final words, Jean’s power grew, and you watched him crumble into nothing.

You stood there in the silence, relishing in the fact that you were all okay, all alive. Everyone settled, finding their own places; Hank took Scott back up to the professor, letting you go to Peter.

“Hey,” He perked up at your voice, grinning.

“Nice one.”

You shrugged, taking a seat next to him. “It was mostly Jean.”

“Still, that was one hell of a fight.” He leaned back, wincing in pain slightly. You nodded, closing your eyes.

Footsteps made your eyes snap back open, relaxing when you saw Erik. For a moment you wondered if he was here for Peter, but his gaze was focused solely on Raven. You exchanged looks with Peter, having a silent conversation.

You knew, in his own time, he would tell Erik who he was to him.

  -

  When the school was being rebuilt, you stood next to Peter, watching Jean and Erik work their magic. You hadn’t even noticed Ororo – as you found out her name was – approach until she began to speak.

“Mystique told me he is your father.” She said, looking to Peter. “Are you gonna tell him?”

“I might,” he avoided her eyes, choosing to look up at Erik instead. “One day.” He turned to you, hand grabbing yours gently as his gaze softened. “I think for now I’m just gonna stick around here for a while.”

[astralaffairs]

voltaire to versace 02 | thomas jefferson

title: voltaire to versace 02

pairing: professor!thomas jefferson x reader

words: 8.7k

warnings: honestly not much. sex jokes n references, dolley simping for james, broke college student meals

desc: from francis bacon to foucault, descartes to dante, your political philosophy seminar doesn’t promise to be a blowout — and yet, one mysterious stranger and a risqué evening later, your burberry-clad professor gives you the feeling it won’t be quite the snoozefest you’d expected.

tags: @lunariasilver @tinywhim @nyxie75 @wreakhavoconmacroissantdiggs @checkurwindow @katierpblogg — let me know if you’d like to be tagged in future parts!

"Dolley, holy shit; please tell me you're already home." Y/N's words were breathless as she hurried across the quad, muttering under her breath into her phone. She'd darted out of her lecture hall the moment they'd been dismissed, having no desire to stick around for the confrontation she knew was inevitable.

"I'm just getting out of class, dear," Dolley responded, but when she continued, her words were teasing. "What sort of trouble did you manage to get yourself into while I was gone?"

"I cannot begin to explain." Y/N let out a huff, glancing over her shoulder and ducking her head as she whispered, "but it's not good."

"Oh, good lord, Y/N; I was joking." She could hear the genuine worry begin to creep into Dolley's voice and couldn't help but wince.

"Yeah, I wish I was, too." She chalked the subsequent rush of static through the line up to Dolley's sigh. "Where are you right now? Can I meet you somewhere?"

"Want to go to dinner?"

"Too broke for that."

"Packaged ramen from the drugstore on the east side of campus?"

"Now you're speaking my language." Y/N grinned, and she could only picture Dolley rolling her eyes from wherever she was. "I'll be there in a few."

"You'd better. I can't wait much longer to hear what sort of nonsense you've been up to."

-                              

"You slept with a professor?!"

"Shh, Doll; not so loud," Y/N hissed, pulling her back into the soda aisle and frantically checking for any prurient eavesdroppers. Her voice was low when she added, "It was the guy at the bar last night. I had no idea he was a professor here."

Dolley let out a dry, disbelieving laugh, pinching the bridge of her nose. "This is... a mess."

"You're telling me."

"So, what's the plan going to be?"

When Dolley folded her arms, raising an amused eyebrow (a little too amused, in Y/N's humble opinion), but Y/N furrowed her brow. "What d'you mean, 'what's the plan?'"

"What are you going to do the next time you run into him?" Dolley asked. There was a pause; Y/N hadn't thought that far. "You don't really think you can make it through the semester ignoring this, do you?"

"I... Maybe? I don't know!" Y/N let out a frustrated huff. "That's what I need you to help me figure out. What else are you here for?"

"Oh, you make an excellent point," Dolley sighed. "All I do is pay half the rent and help you get laid at bars downtown."

Y/N scowled. "You helped me get laid by a professor. Just help me."

"Mmh, I don't think I heard a 'please' in there."

"Please, Dolley, my white knight to whom I owe my life," she pleaded, clutching her roommates arm and sighing wistfully. Dolley's lips were pressed into a line, but that didn't stop her smile from showing through. "I would be nothing without you; just please, do me this one final favor."

"Alright, alright," she conceded with a huff, shaking free from Y/N's grip. "Drama queen."

Y/N shrugged shamelessly. "I bring excitement into your life. Don't be ungrateful."

"Whatever you say, dear." The defeat in her words made Y/N grin. "So back to your excitement, then."

"I'm so lost," Y/N groaned, finally emerging from the soda aisle with shoulders slumped in defeat. "If the sex hadn't been so good, I'd probably just pretend it never happened."

Dolley creased her brow. "Was it really that good?"

Y/N turned to her with a serious demeanor, a hand on her shoulder as she looked her in the eye. "Dolley. I am covered in hickeys from my neck to my hips. That man damn near threw my back out. I won't bullshit you; there's no way I'm gonna be able to sit comfortably for—"

"Okay, alright! A 'yes' would've sufficed," Dolley cut her off, pushing past her to the shelf of instant noodles. Y/N looked disproportionately self-satisfied when she followed. "That's about enough details for one evening."

"You asked!"

"But you can't spend the entire semester ignoring him, Y/N," Dolley continued, ignoring her words. "That class is notoriously difficult — the only people I know who didn't frequent his office hours were the ones who got 'C's."

Y/N sighed, rubbing her temples as her roommate pushed cup after cup of beef ramen into her basket. "So then shouldn't I just put this whole thing behind me? I can't really start asking him to help me analyze Kant if I open the conversation with, 'hey, good to see you again, you're almost as good at teaching as you are in bed.'"

Dolley laughed at her dry tone. "I don't mean that, of course."

"Then what do you mean?"

"If you never agree to put this all behind you, I think it's going to be on both of your minds for the rest of the semester," she said matter-of-factly, hesitating when the freezer at the side of the room caught her gaze. "Should we pick up pizza rolls, too?"

"What kind of question is that? Of course we should," Y/N scoffed, brushing past her toward the Totino's section. "But if he and I both just ignore it, wouldn't that be an easier way to put it behind us?"

"Oh, grab a bag of the cheeseburger flavor, would you?" Dolley leaned in to look over Y/N's shoulder, ignoring her words altogether, and she glanced back with a raised eyebrow.

"Can you focus for five seconds?" She dropped three bags of pizza rolls — pepperoni flavor — into her basket with a huff. "Anyway, the cheeseburger flavor is disgusting. Get some taste."

"Don't discount the nostalgia of it!"

"Dolley." Y/N fixed her with a pointed look, and she sighed.

"We both know ignoring it is a poor idea, even if it is the easier option." Dolley didn't waste a second in pushing right past Y/N when she stood, grabbing a bag of the cheeseburger pizza rolls (an oxymoron in itself, as Y/N would've told her) before the freezer door could fall shut. "Just talk to him after class one day. Don't make it take more than five minutes."

"I don't even know where I'd start with that. I've dealt with awkward fallout from one-night stands before, but never with a professor." Her footsteps stalled within the last yard of the frozen section. "I've just gotta ignore it and focus on the coursework, Dolley. Wanna get some Ben and Jerry's?"

"Are you trying to distract me with a pint of chocolate fudge brownie?" Dolley asked incredulously, before adding, "Because it's working. Let's get two."

She grinned. "Excellent."

Y/N figured that was the end of it, that two pints of ice cream and an incredibly vague game plan would be enough to satiate her friend for the time being, but after they checked out, trying to figure out how many meals they could extend one pack of ramen to (because, really, if you just add more water, doesn't it make the servings bigger?), Dolley felt the need to return to it as they walked through the sliding glass exit doors, her words holding an air of finality.

"If you really want to insist on not just communicating with the poor man, Y/N, then fine." Y/N raised a quizzical eyebrow, not yet following where Dolley had abruptly turned the trajectory of their conversation. "But after his lecture on Wednesday, when you realize that leaving the subject untouched just makes it more unbearable—" ("'When'?" Y/N muttered dubiously.) "—then I need you to agree to go talk to your professor."

Dolley didn't wait for her response, squinting at the nutrition facts on the ramen labels as her focus drifted elsewhere (sure, it said two servings, but she was fairly sure that only the bourgeoise couldn't have stretched it to three), but Y/N let out a surrendering sigh.

"Wednesday's going to be just fine," she said, realizing but not caring that Dolley was no longer listening. "But if it isn't, I'll talk to him."

-                        -         

Wednesday was not 'just fine.'

Y/N spent the entire class on edge, trying futilely not to let her thoughts drift back to the other night in the bar, then on the street in front of her building, then in the elevator, in her living room, even in the kitchen— but no, she was getting off track. Little did she know, Thomas was having precisely the same issue.

She jotted down his words almost robotically, the meaning of them going into one ear and out the other, more focused on the sound of his voice than on what he was actually saying.

Only once did she manage to focus for long enough to actually process a thought, but when he was fielding questions about the material, Thomas conveniently managed to miss her having raised her hand from where she was seated. She supposed she'd just positioned herself too far back and thought no more of it.

Despite how 'not fine' that day had been, she dismissed it as a fluke, showing up the next Monday with her head on straight, her readings prepared and annotated, and took a seat several rows further forward. Her motivation may have been misplaced, leaning a bit too far toward wanting to impress her professor and not far enough toward a desire to understand the material, but she was familiar enough with the content to feel comfortable giving her input on the questions he posed to the class throughout the lecture.

Again, her efforts bore no fruit. Her notes were better that day, so that was certainly something to count as a plus, but she left feeling put-out by the fact that she hadn't even had a chance to participate. Usually, she wouldn't have been so perturbed by this — sitting through a Socratic seminar playing tetris on her laptop was no unfamiliar experience — but this class accounted for six of the twelve credit hours she still needed for her chosen major. She didn't suppose that it'd be a good look to have the class dragging down her GPA to be the same one she was supposedly most passionate about; generally speaking, that wasn't what graduate schools were looking for.

Besides, she liked the subject, too. Surely that had to count for something?

And that was how she kept pushing off the inevitable conversation with Thomas — sorry, Professor Jefferson — and coming up with increasingly creative excuses as to why her efforts were being so plainly ignored, not only that following Wednesday, too, but also the Monday and Wednesday after. She'd made it through three weeks of classes before she could finally work up the nerve to confront him.

Unfortunately, that task proved to be no easier than her previous one.

Thom— her professor was always the last one into the lecture hall and the first one out, leaving no opportunities for chatter, or in her case, a supposedly inevitable clash she'd already begun arming herself for. She'd nearly caught him in the halls at various times, but he always seemed to have somewhere he urgently needed to be. The same doctrine followed in his office hours; apparently, another student had scheduled a meeting with him three minutes after every single time she arrived, without fail, so could she please just come back another time? Surely, another time would be better for both of them.

That time never came.

It was near the end of the fourth week that she was entirely fed up. They'd moved from Kant to Machiavelli, and so far, The Prince had her ready to tear her hair out. It didn't help that they'd all just finished the book, their first paper of the year on it due the next Monday.

She was far past lying to herself about her motives being purely academic while she continued to privately just want his attention — no, by then, she was hopped up on forty ounces of sugary coffee and just a touch of RedBull, and she hardly had a thesis for her paper. She'd read the same passages time and time again — she likely could've recited them word-for-word by the time she demanded feedback — and any shallow, vain desires for recognition were the furthest thing from her mind. She needed a professor, and she was pissed that Thomas didn't seem to have any interest in acting like one.

It was late Thursday evening when she marched across the green from the library to the building that housed his office in a fury. Yes, it was the last week of January; yes, the entire city was still coated in snow, but no, she could not bring herself to care about the very real possibility of frostbite as she trudged through the snow in sweatpants, slippers, and a tank top. Practicality wasn't her priority. Finishing her paper was.

Thomas's office hours were from 7 to 10 PM every evening, a schedule he stuck to religiously. It was 9:24 when Y/N began tracking snow through the bottom floor of his building, and 9:31 when she finally managed to locate and reach his actual office.

It was reluctant when she finally knocked, struggling to resist the urge to simply bust in and rip him a new one, but to her relief, it was simply met with a 'come in.' That was when she threw the door open in a fit of annoyance.

"You've been avoiding me," she said, eyes narrowed and tone accusatory before he could so much as react to her presence.

"Y/N, I—" His eyes were wide; he seemed to be at a loss for words as his eyes drifted down to her sweatpants and Hello Kitty slippers. He couldn't have convinced her it wasn't a dignified look even if he'd tried. "What are you doin' here?"

"We need to talk." She dropped her bag into one of the chairs in front of his desk, though she chose not to take a seat, instead glaring down at him, arms folded.

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, and though his head was down, his shadow of a grimace told her everything she needed to know: he'd been dreading this conversation far more than she had. "Look, right now really isn't a great time. I've got—"

"Don't bullshit me, Thomas."

"Professor Jefferson," he corrected her, the words hissed through gritted teeth, and she huffed, rolling her eyes.

"My bad. Don't bullshit me, Professor Jefferson." Y/N scowled as she took another step towards him. "Your office hours don't end until ten. There's no way you have time for a meeting between now and then if you haven't already started one."

He let out a heavy sigh. "Alright. Alright, fine. And I know what you're gonna say, but—"

"Do you really?" she challenged him, head cocked to one side. "Because the fact that you haven't given me one chance to speak to you in almost a month tells me pretty clearly that you don't. Generally, you find out what people have to say by listening to them."

"We can't have this conversation here. You've gotta come find me some other time." The urgency in his voice only served to infuriate her further. What right did he have to be dictating this when he'd tried to stop the conversation altogether?

"Oh, believe me, I've tried," Y/N huffed. "I'm done accommodating. If you wanted to talk about this some other time, I would've been happy to, but we're well past that."

He held her burning gaze warily for another moment, but she didn't let up. Finally, he sighed. "Fine. Say your part. I'm listenin'."

"You've been completely freezing me out. You haven't been answering my questions in classes; you haven't been letting me contribute to discussions; you, most recently, haven't let me talk to you for more than five seconds, hence why I'm here." She launched into an irate monologue without any further encouragement, and to his credit, Thomas at least had the decency to look guilty. "You've been turning me away at your office hours; for fuck's sake, Thomas, you haven't even answered any of my emails!"

"I know, I know," he said, and though she could see the exhaustion written across his face, she didn't let him continue. "But you've gotta understand—"

"I'm not done," she cut him off, and it was then that he raised an affronted brow. "Anyway, I get why you're keeping your distance. Really, I do. And honestly? I can't really blame you for it."

"Well, great, so—"

"But with that said," —she gave Thomas an expectant look as she continued to speak over him, challenging him to try and interrupt— "You've been doing more than keeping your distance. You've been outright ignoring me, and that's where I'm drawing a line in the sand. Refusing to engage with me doesn't help either of us."

She let out a heavy breath when she finally reached the end of her rant, and though he was certainly taken aback, Thomas looked unimpressed.

"May I speak now?" he asked mockingly, and she scowled. "Or are you just gonna keep cuttin' me off?"

"Depends how much bullshit comes out of your mouth."

He rolled his eyes. "Sure." He put his pen back into the cup on the edge of the desk before drawing himself up to the fullest height he could reach in a rolling chair. With how he was looking at her, with how cross his tone was, Y/N may have backed down in another context, but quite frankly, she was beyond having anything to lose. "I understand that you're hurt, Y/N, and for that, 'm honestly sorry, but—"

"I'm not hurt, I'm ticked!"

"Y/N." That time, his hard voice, his barely-contained anger, did make her shrink away, just a bit. "You've gotta realize that what happened is in the past. It was a mistake. I didn't know you were a student here — you even told me you went to school in Chicago."

"I did, for two years."

"Doesn't matter. Moral of the story is that you've gotta leave that in the past. I'm your professor now, and that's a boundary that can't be crossed. We both need to stop dwellin' on it." His saying 'we' rather than 'you' certainly didn't go unnoticed, but Y/N deemed it not worth addressing.

"Great. It's behind us. Can you stop ignoring me now?"

"Come on, Y/N—"

"Seriously? You're gonna argue with that?" She threw her hands up in a huff, beyond exasperated and crossing the line to indignance. "You wanna remind me that you're my professor? Then stop acting like I don't exist. It's that simple, Thomas."

"It's Professor Jefferson. And I'm not tryin' to ignore you," he defended. "But don't you see the position this puts me in? My job's at stake here. This can never happen again!"

"And who said I wanted it to?" she bit back immediately, and for just a moment, Thomas was rendered silent.

"If that's not what you're lookin' for, then what are you here for?" His voice was quiet, his gaze searching, and Y/N sighed.

"Seriously? I haven't made myself clear enough?" She raised an eyebrow, but his blank look told her all she needed to know. The tension in her shoulders dropped; her combative stance went neutral when she reached into her bag, pulling it from the chair in front of his desk. "You're the one who keeps emphasizing that you're my professor — and that's what I need you to be right now."

He raised an eyebrow, clearly lost as she withdrew Machiavelli's The Prince from her bag, beaten up and slathered in colored tabs around the edges. She added in a small voice, "I've been struggling with the reading. I did it all, but there are just a couple passages that... I need help with."

Thomas — no, Professor Jefferson (god, was she ever going to struggle with getting that down) — looked stunned, plain and simple. Y/N had expected all of his assumptions for why she'd shown up there. Two weeks earlier, they may have also been accurate ones, but ultimately, she was still just a student. He'd really had to have had a big head to think he'd take priority over that for any extended period of time.

His eyes were wide. He continued to look toward her, but his gaze was blank, slowly drifting to his desk, until finally, he sighed. "Well, shit. I, uh... I'm really sorry, Y/N. Really." If the growing guilt behind his shock hadn't been clear enough in his demeanor, it was woven tightly into his voice. His stare flickered back up to her, and despite her lingering irritation, the apology in it softened her. "I got so caught up in my own problems that I didn't even consider. I didn't mean to assume that you... y'know."

"Came here to try and get dicked down?" Y/N supplied, voice dry as she watched him expectantly. He cracked a sheepish smile.

"Somethin' like that."

"As though it'd be worth the effort," she snorted. "There are, like, thirty frats on campus, and I have a paper due Monday — in case you'd forgotten. If I wanted to get laid, I'd do it much more efficiently."

"Mm, but would it be as good?" At the clear ego in Thomas's playful stare, Y/N's eyebrows shot toward her hairline.

"Now who's crossing boundaries?"

Despite the skepticism in her voice, Thomas laughed. "'M just kiddin'. Promise."

"Hilarious." Her small, persistent smile undermined her sarcasm, and his gaze was soft.

"Alright, alright, come take a seat. Show me which pages you're strugglin' with."

"Yeah, so it's less full pages and passages than it is key phrases I just can't seem to connect to the rest of the work." Y/N lowered herself into the chair that wasn't already holding her bag as she flipped open her book to her third pink tab, turning it to show him. "Like, here. Chapter 19."

"Mhm."

"I understand what the whole page is getting at, but look at this..."

They sank easily into the text, despite being focused more on one another's voices than on the writing itself. Ten PM had long since come and gone, but as the night stretched on, the pair only continued to pass Y/N's book back and forth, bouncing from passage to passage, idea to idea as though no time had passed at all. Neither of them bothered to check any sort of a clock until Y/N let out a loud, drawn-out yawn. Thomas raised an eyebrow.

"You gettin' tired?" Y/N gave a halfhearted shrug as he finally checked his watch, and his eyes widened. "Shit, it's past eleven. We should get you outta here."

"Yeah, yeah, you're right." Her voice was weary as she lifted herself out of her seat, tucked her book back into her bag. "I've got everything I need for my paper, anyway."

"Glad to hear it." Thomas reached for his coat as she made her way to the door, but she paused when he asked, "You're not thinkin' of walkin' home, are you?"

She glanced back over her shoulder. "What if I am?"

Thomas furrowed his brow. "Tell me that's a joke. That's gotta be a joke." Y/N shrugged, and Thomas groaned lightly. "In that outfit, you freezin' and gettin' abducted are equally likely, you know that?"

"Aw, thanks for letting me know! Now I feel so much safer," she said, plastering on a mocking smile.

"Lemme call you an Uber," he offered, and Y/N quirked a brow.

"Are you that much of a one-trick pony?"

"If makin' sure women get home safe is my only trick, I think it's a pretty good one to have," he said matter-of-factly, and Y/N had to laugh.

"I can appreciate that. An Uber would be great." Y/N pulled her bag up her shoulder as she returned to his door. "I'll see you Monday?"

"Mhm. Your driver's named Amy, and she's drivin' a blue Camry, by the way," Thomas informed her, and Y/N smiled. "G'night, Y/N."

"Night, professor."

             -           

From then on, Y/N began frequenting Thomas's office hours, only hesitantly at first. While her motives were genuine, all of them being centered around getting into grad school, she didn't want to become overbearing, especially with the one night, the sixteen stolen hours that still hung over their heads. She stopped by twice the following week, neither time staying long as other students began to trickle in, peeking nervously around the corner toward his office, knocking so quietly at first that neither Thomas not Y/N realized someone was there. She didn't need him any more than her classmates did, so she yielded her time gracefully.

Moreover, she knew that only very little of the time he offered to students wasn't already occupied, and while the reason for that was certainly clear to her, she wasn't sure whether it'd gone over his head. It wasn't until the fourth time she went to meet with him that she found he was every bit as aware as everyone else.

"Hey, Thom—" Y/N cut herself off with a wince. "Professor Jefferson, you around?" she called down the hall to his office, nose still buried in the email from the anthropology department that she'd pulled up on her phone (apparently they were having a bake sale on the east green; Y/N didn't bother to read further and learn why once she saw they'd have caramel brownies). She only glanced up when she didn't receive an answer, instead hearing chatter drift down the hall, and her footsteps slowed as she neared his doorway. Her eyebrows shot up.

Y/N recognized the woman seated — well, hardly still seated, at that point — with her back to her as Lucy Hart, who sat front and center during every single one of their lectures, who was now all but draping herself across Thomas's desk, leaned onto her forearms and with a pen between her teeth.

Though she seemed to find whatever Y/N had just missed to be hilarious, Thomas's amusement was forced, uneasy as he eased his hand away from where hers had fallen to cover it, holding the book open by one of its ends.

"Alright, Miss Hart, we'll see." Whatever the question was, Thomas wasn't about to give her a straight answer, but Lucy seemed to take that as a challenge. Her cleavage finally spilled back into the neckline of her dress when she sat back in her seat, but she traced one finger up Thomas's forearm.

"I guess we will," she replied. She hadn't seemed to have caught on to how wildly uncomfortable she was making him — Y/N could only assume Lucy had decided she'd left him 'flustered.' She reached for his copy of Hobbes's Leviathan, her perfectly manicured fingers brushing over his as she did so. "Now, where were we?"

Ahem.

From the angle they were seated at, neither Thomas nor Lucy had noticed Y/N standing in the doorway, an eyebrow raised — when she cleared her throat, though, they both jumped. Their reactions to her presence couldn't have been more disparate. The relief written deep in Thomas's tiny smile was obvious, but Lucy was looking her over with a scowl.

"Hey," Y/N finally said, taking a step forward. "I hope I'm not interrupting?"

"'Course not." It was Professor Jefferson who answered, tone formal and body language neutral, but how quickly he'd answered, overtly cutting off Lucy, told Y/N she wasn't misreading the situation. "What can I do for you, Y/N?"

"Yeah, Y/N," Lucy furthered, eyeing her dubiously. "Why are you here?"

Y/N's gaze flickered between the pair of them, the tension in Thomas's shoulders subtle but clear as he inched his arm further from Lucy's. "Last I checked, Professor Jefferson, we had a meeting scheduled for right about now."

Her smile was genuine despite how Thomas knit his dark brow; she hadn't yet moved past finding the ordeal wildly entertaining. "Do we?"

"I thought so," she added with a shrug, and when her pointed gaze fell to Lucy, who still looked irate sitting in the small tufted chair across from him, Thomas sighed, and Y/N felt confident it'd been a sigh of relief. He seemed to have realized the escape rope she'd thrown into his lionness's den. "Unless I got the time wrong? It could've been tomorrow evening, I—"

"No, no you're in the right," he cut her off a little too adamantly, and though she'd already begun to dig through her phone for the nonexistent calendar event, she looked up with her eyebrows raised. "'S my bad. I took the timing down wrong."

Y/N had to bite down her self-satisfied smile. "Are you sure? Because really, we can reschedule; I'm also available—"

"No. Now's just fine," he assured her, and the indignant look Lucy shot him had the beginnings of a smile creeping past Y/N's innocent mask. "Made a promise, and it'd be only right to keep it, wouldn't it?"

"It is your responsibility to model integrity, professor."

"Then I guess I've gotta make sure I don't give anybody the wrong idea."

Y/N wasn't sure whether the words, 'the wrong idea' were pointed at her or at Lucy, or whether they were even pointed at all, with her simply reading too far into a nonexistent subtext to take them at face value. She didn't dwell much longer.

"Well, thanks for stoppin' by, Miss Hart—" Vindication flashed in Y/N's eyes when she noticed his electing not to use Lucy's first name. "—I hope all this discussion's deepened your understandin' of Hobbes's view on human nature."

"Oh, I've learned quite a bit about human nature," Lucy said as she stood, and Thomas's discomfort hadn't faded. Y/N was struggling to comprehend what about her words possibly justified her tone being so suggestive. "I hope I can come back another night for you to teach me a little more of it, Thom— oh! I mean, Professor Jefferson."

She glanced bashfully at Y/N with her final few words, her sheepish front fooling no one. Y/N wasn't sure to what end, but this was a clear ploy for her jealousy — she'd been around the block once or twice. Y/N genuinely struggled to contain her amusement as Lucy shot him a wink before turning to leave, exaggerating the movements of her hips. The door fell shut behind her.

It wasn't until Lucy's footsteps were out of earshot that Thomas let out a heavy sigh, sinking down in his chair, and Y/N let out the laugh she'd spent the past ten minutes swallowing.

"So, Lucy Hart, huh? That's who you've been spending all your alleged 'office hours' with?" she started, and Thomas's glare was weak.

"C'mon, Y/N."

"Is that why your door's locked half the times I show up here? Today wasn't very subtle, you know."

"Y/N." His voice was hard when he gave her a pointed look, but with how tired he looked, she didn't push it further, just smiled.

"Relax; I'm just kidding." She shrugged off her jacket. "I know that if you were to sleep with a student, it wouldn't be Lucy. Don't worry."

He raised his eyebrows at her audacity, her smug grin, but he couldn't prevent the amusement that showed through to his expression. "Really? You're gonna go there?"

"Go where?" When she knit her brow, plastered on a confused frown, Thomas had to swallow his laugh. "Now, I'm just not sure what you're implying, professor. Do you plan on sleeping with Lucy?

"Hilarious, Y/N." His rolling his eyes left her undeterred. "In all seriousness, though, I think she really believes she is bein' subtle."

"Unfortunately, I'm well aware," Y/N sighed. "I've seen her at a few too many parties to have any illusions about what a painfully tactless flirt she is."

"You're tellin' me."

"Has it been like this all semester?" she asked. Sure, Y/N had seen how shameless Lucy was during lectures, leaving no stone unturned to draw attention to herself, but this seemed a new level of egregious. Yet, Thomas nodded.

"Once a week, every week. Least, when it isn't more than that."

"Sometimes it's more?" Y/N let out a breathy, disbelieving laugh, and Thomas nodded his solemn confirmation. "Jesus. So this is why you look pissed every time she participates in class. I figured you just hated the sound of her voice as much as I do."

"Believe me; I've been startin' to."

"That's so harsh!"

"Aw, c'mon, and you wouldn't?"

Y/N shrugged, pursed her lips, but her eyes glinted with hubris. "Well," she said, "It'd depend on how hot the student was. I mean, in my opinion, if Lucy was me, it just might be a different story."

Thomas couldn't bring himself to look annoyed. "Yeah, yeah. Alright," he said, shaking his head at her words. "You think you're fuckable. I get it."

"Glad we agree." Y/N's lips quirked up into a smug smile, but Thomas raised his eyebrows.

"Hang on, now. That's not quite what I—"

"But if she's really bothering you," Y/N continued, altogether disregarding his protests, and Thomas sighed. "You know you could just, like, talk to Lucy about it, right? You're the one with the power, here."

She couldn't put her finger on exactly why he winced at the latter sentence.

"Guess so, I just... I dunno. 'S really no big deal; I'm just gettin' fed up with all that." He gave a halfhearted shrug that made her raise an eyebrow. "But don't worry 'bout that. Why're you here, if not for the meetin' we've supposedly got scheduled for tonight?"

His tone was light, playful with the question, but Y/N was still stuck on what he'd started with. "Hold on; you can't just deflect that easily."

"Deflect from what?" He furrowed his brow, but Y/N just huffed, walking toward the near side of his desk.

"From whatever you're getting 'fed up with all of,'" she said, and when she eyed him skeptically, his fatigued sigh told her she wasn't imagining things. "Can I sit?"

"Yeah, sure, join me." Thomas beckoning her toward his empty chairs was almost absentminded. "But really, it's nothin'."

"No offense, but I don't know if I believe you." As she sank down into one of his guest's seats, a conflicted look flickered across his gaze, building further on the concern in her words. "What's up? C'mon; talk to me."

He hesitated. "'M serious, Y/N; it's not—"

"Thomas."

He raised an eyebrow, but it took her a moment to notice her own error. "Excuse me?"

"Professor Jefferson, I mean. Of course." Her smile was sheepish, but it just made him chuckle.

"Alright, alright. 'S nothin' serious, anyway, but 'm just gettin' sick of not bein' taken seriously."

Y/N's words were hesitant as she raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean? People take you seriously."

"Mm, but do they?" He sighed as he sat back in his chair. "I'm the youngest professor on campus; half my office hours are taken up by undergrads hittin' on me. It's hard to feel like I'm gettin' a lot of respect when you don't even treat me like a professor."

"Hey, come on, I respect you," she defended, and he shook his head.

"I don't mean you, specifically, Y/N. Just... your whole class. I'm already hardly old enough to be teachin' at a university, but it also kinda sucks to see how many people pretend to care about learnin' just to get my attention," he said, and his voice was soft. His quiet sigh made Y/N frown, especially as his absent gaze wandered through his own office.

"I'm sorry," she said, and he glanced back over to her. "Keep in mind, though, you made the first move on me. Not the other way around."

Despite her having been entirely serious, her words made Thomas laugh — a full-bodied laugh, too, one that couldn't help but make her smile in return. "Thanks for lettin' me know," he said, and though she rolled her eyes at his sarcastic tone, she was glad to see him lightening up. "Sorry to say it, sweetheart, but not everything's about you."

Neither noticed his casual term of endearment. "What a shame," Y/N sighed.

"Mm, I'm sure. I guess I just..." When he trailed off, Y/N raised a brow, and the concerned look in her eyes was what prompted him to continue. "I know I'm smart, 'n all, but it never feels great to feel discounted. Especially bein' new to the faculty."

"I hear that," Y/N said, her tone light but gaze solemn. "For what it's worth, I do come to your office for help because I know you can and want to provide it, not because I have some ulterior motive."

"Glad to hear it." Though his tone almost suggested he may have been being facetious, Y/N could tell that he wasn't making fun. "But on that note, thanks for givin' me an out with the Lucy fiasco. What'd you need, comin' here?"

Y/N's smile was small, all but apologetic as she unzipped her bag after pulling it into her lap. "Right. So, I know this isn't your job, and all..."

When she trailed off, Thomas eyed her suspiciously, especially as her lips only seemed to stretch further into a grin. "What's this about?"

"Is there any chance you'd be willing to read over my paper for my constitutional law seminar?" At the hopeful look she wore as she withdrew her printed essay from her bag, he had to laugh.

"Really? You're not even here for somethin' about my class?"

"Yes or no, professor?" She raised a brow, waving the packet back and forth expectantly.

"And why'd you decide to come see if I'd look through it? What makes you think I'm gonna?"

"You read over my French paper last week!" she pointed out, and Thomas sighed.

"Yeah, 'cause I speak French."

"You speak English, too. And you worked in government." Y/N shrugged, putting the paper down on his desk regardless. "So, please? I'd ask my roommate, but she's studying business, and you must know how that goes."

"You trashin' on business majors?" Thomas raised an eyebrow.

"If I was, would I be wrong?"

Her deadpan stare made him laugh. "Can't argue with that. Give it here."

He held his hand out for the essay, and she gave it to him with a wide grin. "You're the best."

"What else is new?" he asked, and despite how dry his tone was, his eyes were teasing. "You wanna go through it with me now, or should I get it back to you some other time?"

"Any chance we can go over it now?" she asked. "It might sort of be due in two days."

His eyebrows shot up. "Are you tellin' me I'm some kinda last resort?"

"Of course not!" she defended, but she hesitated before continuing, "Just an eleventh-hour supplementary resource who's going to help me get a diploma."

"I'm sure," he said, and the skeptical look he gave made the corners of her lips twitch. "You owe me, y'know that?"

"Really. I should start paying you, one of these days."

"To be fair, you do pay my salary."

"Mm, maybe some students do, but I wouldn't be so sure about that if I were you."

Thomas furrowed his brow, confusion permeating every aspect of his expression as he looked back at her. "What, you 'n Elizabeth Warren linked up in a personal campaign for free college?"

"No, but the president of financial aid and I did." She shrugged. "Honestly, they saved my ass. Sorry I'm not raising your salary, or anything, but I hardly pay to go here."

When he slowly nodded, she could see the small, subtle smile tugging at his lips. "I'll try not to hold it against you. 'M glad you ended up here anyway."

Y/N's grin was exaggerated, a fact she did nothing to conceal. "Aww, professor, I knew you secretly liked having me here."

He rolled his eyes, but his smile mirrored hers. "I meant that I'm glad that money isn't holdin' you back from gettin' a good education."

"I'm sure you did."

Thomas cocked a brow. "D'you want me to read your paper or not?"

At his words, Y/N had to bite back her cocky grin, and she nodded. "Yes, please."

"Then get off your high horse 'n listen." Despite his words, amusement sat heavy in the way he was skeptically eyeing Y/N.

"Of course, professor."

-                         

"It's been shockingly chill."

Y/N was sprawled out on the carpet of her living room, a styrofoam cup of ramen in one hand and chopsticks in the other, while Dolley sat curled up at the end of the couch flipping through Netflix on their TV.

"No lingering sexual tension?" Dolley challenged, glancing down to where Y/N was slurping her noodles (she'd asserted that ramen on the couch was too high of a stain risk). Y/N shook her head, and Dolley raised an eyebrow. "Really? No secret desire to end up bent over his desk?"

"Okay, listen, what I want and what I act on are two very different things." She pointed her chopsticks at Dolley accusatorily. "I can have it both ways."

"So you're still looking for another night of fun?" Dolley raised a playful eyebrow, and Y/N only grinned.

"Are you offering?"

"I could be convinced, dear." The wink Dolley sent her made Y/N laugh, broth sloshing down the side of her cup that she didn't hesitate to lick off of the back of her hand.

"Mhm, because my sex appeal is through the roof, I'm sure."

"Alright, I'll confess. I am only joking, after all," Dolley sighed, a wistful look in her eyes as she scrolled through the Netflix TV dramas category. "But only because things with James are going better than I expected."

Y/N's eyes widened; she spun in her spot on the floor. "Dolley, oh my God, spill! You've been holding out on me."

"There's not much for me to spill, really." She shrugged, and the smile she wore was coy. "He and I have just been getting on well. Nothing more to it."

"No. Uh-uh." Y/N shook her head, setting her near-empty instant ramen onto their coffee table. "You're gonna give me more than that. You have to. Clearly something's been happening."

Dolley bit her lip. "So, would we rather watch Stranger Things or The Good Place?"

"Don't you dare change the subject!"

"Alright, alright," she finally sighed, and her gaze was soft when she finally met Y/N's eyes. "So, we've been seeing each other more often. Getting coffee, grabbing lunch between classes. He's even had me read over different drafts of his thesis."

"Aww, he's using you as an editor? How romantic!"

"Make fun all you want, but he trusts me with it. Isn't that worth something?"

"Of course it is, Doll." Y/N smiled, unable to tease Dolley further when she had such a sappy look in her eyes. "But if you've been dating, why am I just finding out?"

She didn't meet Y/N's gaze, fiddling with the cuffs of her sleeves. "We haven't been going on dates, really."

"Oh yeah? This is how you talk about hanging out with everyone else you aren't dating?" The challenge in Y/N's tone made her scoff, roll her eyes, but they both knew she had a point.

"It's nothing official."

"But do you want it to be?" Y/N quirked a brow. Dolley's smile was faint.

"Maybe a little," she said quietly, and Y/N's grin broadened.

"That's adorable. I'm thrilled for you," she said, but there was a heavy pause before she hesitantly added, "but be careful with him."

Dolley furrowed her brow, finally turning toward where Y/N sat. "What d'you mean?"

"You have a habit of quickly getting attached to men who turn out to be terrible for you. Remember Henry?"

"Knox or Clay?"

"Either. You're making my point." Y/N gave her a knowing look, but Dolley didn't seem overly offended. "You're just too quick to give people the benefit of the doubt. Not everyone deserves it."

"But that's what you love about me, dear."

"Don't you turn my undying love and affection for you against me!" Y/N protested, and though she rolled her eyes, Dolley appeared to be entertained. "I adore you for what a sweetheart you are, but it's also what men take advantage of."

"Yes, I know; you've given me this talk before," Dolley sighed. "But really, I think this time might be different. I really like James."

Y/N pursed her lips. "It'd better be. Otherwise he's gonna have hell to pay."

"I'm not too worried."

"I am."

"Would you feel better if I gave you a chance to screen him?" Y/N raised an interested eyebrow at Dolley's words. "Because I invited him to come over Wednesday night for dinner. If you'd like, it'll be a prime time for you to interrogate him."

She sighed. "I dunno, Doll. I don't want to third wheel."

"You live here. You won't be third-wheeling," Dolley pointed out. "And you wouldn't have to stay! You could just pop in, say hello, and either leave or just go wait him out in your room."

A small smile grew across Y/N's lips at her words. "And you'll seriously let me interrogate him?"

"Have at it."

"I'm in."

-                                  

Dolley 🥺💋 sent: James is coming over in five minutes, so get home whenever

Dolley 🥺💋 sent: unless of course you've decided to grant him your tacit approval

Y/N sent: be home soon 😪

Dolley 🥺💋 sent: see u 😘

"Y/N?"

It was Wednesday evening, around 6 PM. Y/N's political philosophy seminar had just been let out, but she'd really spent most of her focus over the past three hours on figuring out exactly how to determine whether or not James was a piece of shit. Apparently he was bringing takeout to her and Dolley's apartment for all three of them, which she saw to be a point in his favor.

However, as her classmates filed out of the lecture hall, Y/N stood idly, taking hesitant steps forward out of her row as she tried to multitask, neither eager to stop texting Dolley or to trip all the way down the steps to the front of the room. It was Professor Jefferson who knocked her out of the reverie that'd been induced by the promise of James delivering what she imagined to be the best food she'd had in weeks.

She looked up with a brow raised, tucking her phone back into her pocket. "Hey, professor."

"You have a second to talk?"

"Oh, um..." Despite her deep-seated motivation to get home before dinner was cold, she supposed it could wait just a little longer. She nodded. "Yeah, sure. What's up?"

She pulled her bag onto her shoulder as she stepped out onto the hall's staircase, maybe three rows up from where Thomas stood at the bottom floor.

He leaned nonchalantly against the first row of desks. "So, the TA I've had since first semester's leavin' in a week or two. He's goin' abroad to South Korea for the fourth quarter, 'n he's decided to resign from bein' my assistant at the end of this week, so that he can make sure he's got everything in order for the next three months."

She frowned. "That's too bad. I'm sorry to hear it." She folded her arms, paused before adding, "So what, you want me to break the news to the class that we aren't getting those papers on the Enlightenment back anytime soon?"

At her quirked brow, her playful smile, Thomas had to give a light laugh. "Mm, I'm hopin' it won't come to that."

"You should probably get to grading instead of keeping me from dinner, then."

"Oh, 'm sorry; how dare I, really?" He responded, a hand over his heart, and she had to bite back her entertained smile at the irony in his indignance.

"Honestly. I can't imagine why I put up with it."

"I'll make it up to you," he said dryly. "But seriously, 'm not just tellin' you that for the sake of small talk. What I'm sayin' is that I have an openin' to find a new TA."

"I see," she said, raising an eyebrow. "And where, pray tell, do I come into all this?"

It wasn't that his train of thought was hard to follow, nor was his implication, but until he said it outright, Y/N had no desire to make any sort of an assumption.

He smiled. "You have any interest in becomin' a TA?"

"Seriously?" She furrowed her brow. "I mean, I appreciate it, but why?"

"First off, your work's consistently at the top of this class," he said matter-of-factly. They both knew she was well aware of this, after the hours in his office she'd spent grilling him on the historical context of every one of Voltaire's assertions and the implications of every early revolution. "You're a good writer, 'n you're more than capable of reviewin' other students' work. You've also already taken most of the other classes I teach, so you're familiar with all the material."

She nodded slowly, folding her arms, and though her expression would've conveyed that she was deep in thought, she couldn't suppress her growing smile. "I see. So it doesn't have anything to do with how attractive or charming I am?"

When she raised a playful eyebrow, he laughed outright. "Whenever your charm can start gradin' thirty ten-page papers a day, I'll start takin' it into account."

"Don't underestimate it."

"Alright, alright, I'll keep it in mind." He shook his head, and his lingering smile made the corners of her lips twitch. "'M serious, though. If you've already got enough on your plate, and you don't wanna take on another commitment, that's cool 'n all, and I can always ask someone else. But would you want the position?"

She pursed her lips, eyed him hesitantly. "Will I need to apply for it?"

"Nah," he said. "By the university's policy, you've gotta send me your resume and transcript, but if you wanna be my TA, you've got it. So?"

When she bit her lip, his eyes flickered down to her mouth so briefly that she almost didn't notice it. "I don't know, Thom—" He raised a brow. "Professor. Is there any chance I can think on it and get back to you?"

"Yeah. Yeah, 'course. I can give you 'til the end of the week, if that's enough time?"

"That'd be great." As she held his gaze, she couldn't help but ponder exactly what she was being asked. She was sure his motives were pure; she couldn't imagine for the life of her Thomas giving her a job with the intent of breaking down professional boundaries so he could sleep with her, but that was where her mind was going regardless. "I'll stop by and let you know on Friday."

"I'm countin' on it." He wore a wide grin that shouldn't have and usually wouldn't have put her on edge. Her mind had fallen down the rabbit hole of fixating on just how much more time she'd be spending with him as his TA — he saw enough of her during his office hours, but she was of two minds with that. On one hand, what would a few more hours change? However, on the other, all she was hearing was that he didn't mind spending a few more hours with her. "I'll see you then?"

When he raised an eyebrow, she finally realized she'd spaced out for a solid minute, and she fixed on a smile, though it was tense. "See you then."

She left without another word.

James proved to be a nice guy when Dolley had him over; he brought burgers and milkshakes for all three of them. However, Y/N knew she'd only find herself on Dolley's bad side however many hours later. As much as he was talking, Y/N didn't retain a single word he shared about himself, despite having promised she'd use the evening to formulate her opinion on him. So much for protecting Dolley.

Instead, Professor Thomas Jefferson occupied every one of her thoughts.

[atlafan]

My Everything - Part Twelve

A Take it Slow Sequel

What happens with Harry and Y/N after he proposes? How will the two navigate the engaged life while also continuing to juggle their jobs, friends, and families? Let’s find out.

Warnings: Fluff and Smut! 7.6K

Masterpost

It was sad putting your two weeks in at Mark It, but everyone understood. You were extremely grateful for every single opportunity they had given you. But sometimes a bird needs to leave the nest. You promised you’d talk up the company to any undergrads you come across. You were able to get onto the university’s insurance right away, and you added Harry to your plan.

One night Harry was rubbing your feet while you were both sitting on the couch.

“So do you need to go to campus a bunch? Or can you do a lot from home?”

“I’m going to be on campus for as long as I can, set up my office and all that. It’s nice, I even have a window! I feel like I’ll be able to concentrate in the space a little easier.”

“My mum was wondering if we wanted her and Gem to come here for Christmas this year instead of us flying out.”

“Oh.” You frown. “No, I want you to be able to see your friends. This is when you usually get to see Louis. I can still fly, the doctor said it was okay.”

“Are you sure you can swing that? I mean, you have so much to do with your new job.”

“We only go for the holidays, the school won’t even be open. We’re only gone for seven days. I’d rather go to London, but that’s very sweet of her to offer.”

“If that’s the case, she was wondering when we’re going to set up a registry. I think she wants to throw you an early baby shower since they probably won’t be able to come here for that.”

“Oh, um, this is sort of awkward, but we don’t do that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, Jewish people, we don’t do baby showers.”

“Why not?”

“It’s bad luck.” You shrug. “You’re not supposed to buy gifts for the baby or bring anything into the home ahead of time. My mom said we could put things in her basement.”

“So we can’t even set up the nursery? I mean, I was ready to start gettin’ the bed out of there. I was thinking of turning the loft into the guest room.”

“What about your desk and all of your things?”

“I don’t really work from home much anymore, and I’d like to still have a place for my family to sleep when they come visit.”

“Alright, and we can set up the nursery, like we can paint and stuff. We can put the crib in there, but maybe not the padding or the blankets. We can get the registry set up and just put my mom’s address on there. I know she was thinking of doing a combined mommy shower for myself and Erica.”

“Mommy shower?”

“It’s sort of a loophole to the baby shower thing. Everyone brings gifts for the parents to be.”

“Ohhh, I like that. I’ll tell my mum to do that instead. I’m sure she’d love the idea of buying you a ton of things.”

“She doesn’t need to.”

“I know, but this is her first grandchild and she feels far away from it, you know? She wants to spoil us, you.”

“Alright, then I won’t argue.”

“Come here, come sit in my lap.”

You get up and climb on top of him. He holds you close to him. He gives you kisses and you give them back. He feels a wetness on his neck from where you’ve buried your face.

“Are you crying?”

“Yes.”

“Why?” He can’t help but chuckle.

“I’m just so happy.” You look up at him. “I thought starting a new job and rearranging all our furniture and stuff would be stressful. I thought with our friends living further away we’d never see them, but we see them all the time still. Things are good, Harry.”

“They’re very good, darlin’.” He kisses your forehead. You roll your hips down on him.

“Will you take me to the bedroom?”

“Don’t have to ask me twice.”

He picks you up carefully, and carries you down the hall. Things were really good.

//

“Let me get a good look at yeh, spin around.” You turn around in your maternity outfit for him. You still weren’t that big, but you were carrying a lot of your weight in your lower stomach, so normal pants were no longer an option. Instead you opted for leggings and a long sleeve flowy dress to wear over them. “What time’s your first class?”

“9:30.” You beam.

“Have a great first day, I can’t wait to hear all about it.” Harry kisses you and sends you off into the cold.

Your commute to school wouldn’t be a long one, which was nice. Since you weren’t hired as a research faculty, and since you couldn’t start your PhD yet, you did have to work Monday through Friday, but most days you’d be home around 3PM, which was really nice. You’d be teaching a couple of intro communication courses, at two sections each, and then two sections of an upper level film criticism course. You were thrilled.

You go to your office first to drop off your coat, and change your shoes. You didn’t need to wear your boots all day. Your friends had sent you good luck texts and other well wishes. You make your way to the elevator and head upstairs. There were a couple of early birds there, and you smile at them as you get your laptop set up with the computer.

You wait until 9:35 to get started, letting any stragglers come into the room. Once everyone is seated, you close the door.

“Good morning everyone, lucky you, we get to do this three times a week. I know 9:30 is early so coffee and other snacks are fine with me. I know some professors don’t allow that, but I don’t really care. Just make sure your neighbor doesn’t have any allergies.” You take a deep breath. “Right, so, my name is Y/F/N Y/L/N, feel free to call me Y/N, or professor, or whatever you feel comfortable with. Just know that I am not a doctor, so you don’t need to address me as such.” The students hum their response. “As you may or may not be able to tell, I’m pregnant.” You turn to the side and cup your lower stomach. “Thank you, yes, very exciting. I’m due at the end of May, and if all goes according to plan you shouldn’t need a substitute. This is my first time physically teaching in person, but I have taught before. I’m very excited to be here. Oh! I will say, my husband owns Styles Photography not too far from here, so if you ever need a good picture taken, or if you’re looking for an internship, don’t hesitate to ask me. And before you ask, no, I did not take his last name.” You look at their droopy eyes. “Okay, before we get into the syllabus and class expectations, I want us all to do an ice breaker.” You hear a few groans. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to ask you to say your name or where you’re from, I already have all that info. I want you to turn to the person next to you, take out your phones, and show them your most recently liked tik tok.” They all look at you. “We all have tik tok right?” They all say yes. “Okay then, have at it.”

You lean back against the desk as you hear people laughing and giggling.

“Anyone have the same one liked?” A couple students raise their hands. “Too funny. Okay, okay, let’s settle back down. See, isn’t that a better way of getting to know someone?” You go over to the computer and pull up your syllabus. “I want these classes to be real open discussion. As long as you’re not talking over someone, don’t even worry about raising your hand.”

You give the same shpeal in each class all week. By the time Friday rolled around, you were drained to say the least, but you were happy. You felt accomplished. You knew things might get more difficult as you started assigning projects and such, and getting bigger, but you tried not to think too far ahead.

You loved having students visit during your office hours, some of them really took a liking to you. Harry would bring Buster by when you could take your lunch breaks. You were a lot closer to him now which he liked.

“Professor Y/L/N?” A student knocks on the door and gasps when she sees Harry. All of your students knew what he looked like by now because they begged to see pictures. “Sorry, I’m interrupting your lunch.”

“It’s okay, Molly. This is my husband, Harry.” He smiles and shakes her hand. “What’s up?”

“I was just wondering if you could look over something quick for me? I selected some music for the background in my video, and I just wanted to know your thoughts.”

“Sure!”

“I can step out if yeh want?”

“It’s okay Mr. Styles, six ears are better than four.” The girl smiles and he nods.

Harry watches as you explain things to your student. How understanding you are, and how you give her a few tips. She thanks you before leaving.

“That was pretty cool. Wish I had a teacher like you back in the day.”

“Oh, stop.” You smile. “I’m really having a lot of fun with them.”

“Good, I’m glad. So…we have a doctor’s appointment on Friday.”

“That we do.”

“We’ve been holdin’ off on something…”

“You wanna know the sex of the baby, don’t you?”

“I do, I really do. I know it doesn’t really matter because it could decide it wants to be the complete opposite, and I know we’ve painted the nursery grey and yellow, but I mostly wanna know so we can start calling it its name, instead of it or Baby Styles.”

“Aw, but I like Baby Styles.” You pout and he leans in to kiss you. “I see what you’re saying though. Okay, I suppose at our next appointment we could finally let Dr. Johnson tell us.”

“Consider it another birthday present.”

“Harry.” You sigh. “Your birthday was two weeks ago.”

“I know…but you made it such a good birthday.”

“Please.” You whisper as your cheeks heat up. “I can’t discuss that here. This is one office that will stay pure.”

//

Dr. Johnson was giving you your ultrasound, making sure everything was good. The baby’s heart beat was excellent, and everything was the way it should be.

“Does its head look large to you? Harry has a pretty big head.” You smirk and he nudges your shoulder.

“We may have a larger head, sure.” She laughs. “So, Harry mentioned to the nurse that you’d like to know what you’re having. Are we sure? A couple of weeks ago it didn’t seem like you were ready to know.”

“We talked about it and we’d like to know.” You tell her.

“Alright…” She moves the ultrasound over your stomach so you can really see the baby’s side better. “You two are having…a boy!”

You both gasp and tear up. You look up at Harry and he leans down to kiss you.

“We would’ve been happy with either, but I was hoping for a boy.” You say. “I kind of had a feeling since he’s sitting so low.”

Dr. Johnson cleans up your stomach and prints you some new sonograms. You couldn’t help but stay glossy eyed as you get down to the car. Harry takes your hand and kisses it.

“Harry…”

“Yes, my love?”

“We’re having a Jack Edward.”

“We’re havin’ a Jack Edward.” He leans in to kiss your teary face. “Can we FaceTime my mum when we get home?”

“Of course. We can tell everyone.”

//

Your mother threw you and Erica a conjoined “Mommy Shower”. Her husband’s family wanted to do something traditional for her. So of course they broke the rules and bought things for her soon to be baby, which you found out was going to be a girl. You were happy to have her to go through this with.  It made you a lot closer. You could call her and compare weird cravings.

You were having fun munching on food, and talking with your friends. You and Erica didn’t really want to play any of the baby shower games. The decorations were really nice that were put up, though. Eventually came time for you to open gifts. Harry sat on one side of you while Mike sat on Erica’s other side so you two could sit in the middle.

You each opened up your gifts, and thanked everyone for coming. You talked with Sarah about her wedding planning. Her and Niall would be getting married at a Temple in Milton, and the reception would be at a nearby hotel. Well, the ceremony would be outside of a Temple, but either way, more religious than your ceremony.

Isaac and Seth would be going to the courthouse at the end of March, and having a party at their apartment for close friends and family. Rachel and Mariah had recently got engaged as well. Everything was falling into place for all your friends, and you couldn’t be happier for them. You were happy that even though you were all sort of growing up and moving on with your lives that you still made time for each other. You felt like you had this whole other family with them, and they felt the same way.

//

It was your one year wedding anniversary, and you were very pregnant. Harry wanted to take you to the Cape for the weekend, to the inn you got married at.

“Are you excited for your weekend away, Professor?” One of your students asks. They loved when they could get you going on a tangent on a Friday. You were too tired to care at this point.

“I’m very excited.”

“What’s being married like? I can’t even imagine being with one person.” Another student says.

“That’s because you’re in college.” You chuckle. “Being married is really nice, actually. To be honest, it’s not that much different from being just in a normal relationship, but there’s a whole other level of trust and understanding.”

“How did you and Harry meet?”

“Have I never told this story to this section of class?” The class all says no. “I don’t believe you, but I’m too pregnant to care, and it’s Friday.” You sit on the edge of the desk. “We met on a blind date. Our friend Niall set us up. We went to a dinner. I was twenty-four at the time.” You smile.

“And you two just hit it off?”

“Mhm, it was like we went on that one date, and we just kept seeing each other like every weekend. I think it was like three weeks in when he asked me to be his girlfriend.” The class gasps. “I know! And then we moved in together after like five months.”

“Ohhh, he really liked you huh?”

“Very much, and I guess I liked him too.” You giggle.

“Is it weird that next month you’re going to be a mom?”

“Well, I’ve been a mom to my dog, Buster, you guys know that. But…it’s not that it’s weird, it’s more like nervous and excited. Everything’s going to change.”

“Ahem.” You look over and see Harry leaning against the door frame, smiling, with a bouquet of flowers. The class ooo’s. They knew Harry well by now.

“You’re early.” You smile.

“Only by five minutes. It’s Friday, think yeh could dismiss ‘em early?”

“What do you say class? We did some good work this week, yeah? Go on, enjoy your weekends.”

“You too!” A few of them say.

“I like freshmen.” You tell Harry as he hands you your flowers. “Thank you, these are lovely.” You kiss him quick.

“Bags and Buster are in the car, you ready?”

“Mhm, just need to pee quick. Long drive.”

You waddle down the hall to the bathroom, and Harry waits for you. He goes down the elevator with you and helps you with your things in your office. You liked that the two of you took these sentimental trips. It was the perfect way to celebrate an entire year of marriage. It would also probably be one of your last weekends away as you him, and Buster before Jack comes.

“So, I was thinking we could have dinner in the restaurant tonight, and just relax in the hotel room. Then tomorrow if you felt up to it we could go for a walk on the beach in the morning, and then go to the spa in the afternoon. Get pedicures and all that.”

“Sounds wonderful, baby.” You take his hand and kiss it. “Thanks for planning this. It’s the perfect getaway.”

Harry checks you in while you use the bathroom in the lobby. You get Buster up to the room and give him a biscuit before changing into some dinner clothes.

“Do you think I’ll lose all this baby weight?” You say as you look at yourself in the mirror.

“Hope not.” He pinches your bum and wraps his arms around you from behind. “Kinda like havin’ a little more to hold onto.” He kisses your cheek.

“Harry, stop. I’m all…plump.”

“It looks good on yeh, babe, trust me.” He gives your bum another squeeze and lets you go. “Ready to eat?”

“Yeah, I’m starved. Be a good boy Buster, mummy and daddy’ll leave the TV on for you. We’ll have to take him for a good walk tomorrow.”

“Agreed.”

You two are seated at a table. You remember when you had brunch with everyone the day after the wedding. There was space to dance near the bar, other couples having a good time. When you’re done eating, Harry brings you over to the dance floor and pulls you close. The music was slow and nice.

“My bump’s in the way.” You look down at your stomach and back up at Harry.

“Not at all.” He has you lean your head on his chest, and he dances with you. “See, isn’t this nice?”

“Very.” You nuzzle into him closer. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

After a few songs you both decide it’s time to go upstairs, you had been on your feet all day. You both greet a sleepy Buster and start your nightly routines. You rub some cocoa butter on your belly and get onto the bed. Harry’s routine now involved getting between your legs and talking to Jack. He’d tell him about your days and what he was looking forward to once he was born. He did this every night because sometimes Jack would kick, and Harry loved feeling his kicks. He’d give your belly a ton of kisses and then he’d give you a ton of kisses.

The next morning you put on some leggings and a three-quarter zip fleece, and put your hair up in a cute, messy bun. Harry puts Buster’s leash on and you two head out and down towards the beach. It was a nice spring day out, but you were happy you had your fleece since it was still a bit chilly.

Going for a long walk was good, according to your doctor. Not to mention Harry loved seeing your ass in your leggings. The three of you stop so Harry can take a selfie. Someone sees the three of you and offers to take a photo.

“When we get back tomorrow…” He says as you make your way back to the inn to go to the spa. “I have some things set up for you.”

“Like what?”

“You’ll see.” He grins. “We haven’t done a maternity shoot yet.”

“Oh!” You beam at him. “And you already set it up?”

“Mhm, I didn’t wanna waste any time when we got home.”

“I’m really excited. You’ll be in them too, right?”

“Um, usually the dad isn’t…do you want me to be?”

“Yeah! Definitely.”

He kisses your temple and you head inside. Buster gets a little luxurious experience at the groomer the inn has while you two get pedicures. You nearly pass out in the chair while getting your feet massaged. Harry kept his hand in yours the whole time.

You both decide to order room service for dinner and a little lemon cake for dessert. You take a relaxing bath with him in the Jacuzzi-tub. Once you’re all dry he gets you on the bed. He has you sit in his lap where he knew you’d be most comfortable. He gets his lips on yours and kisses you softly. You lace your hands through his damp curls. He rubs his fingers along your slit before pressing inside you. You groan against his neck as he curls his fingers up. He retracts them and sucks them into his mouth.

“Jesus.” You moan as you line his throbbing tip up with you. You sink down on it and groan. “Babe, what if, what if I’m never this tight again.”

“What?!” His eyes snap to yours. “What would even make you say that right now?”

“I don’t know! I mean, I’m gonna push this kid out of me, and his head is gonna rip me open, and-“

“Baby, baby…” He cups your cheeks. “Listen to me, none of that matters. I don’t care about that.”

“But you’re always saying you love how tight I am, and-“

“I know, and it’s true, it feels really good, but it would feel good with you no matter what because I love you. As long as it’s you, it feels good, okay? Do you believe me? Please, don’t worry about something like that.”

“Okay.”

“You believe me, don’t you?”

“Yes, I believe you.”

“Good.”

He kisses you and your tongues mold together. He grips your ass and helps you move on him. You were at a point where you didn’t have much strength on your own, but this was the only position that worked for you these days. His teeth sink into the crook of your neck and he sucks on you.

“Harry.” You groan.

“I love you so much, Y/N.” He says into your ear as thrusts up into you. “You’re giving me everything I ever wanted and more.” Your nails rakes down his chest and around to his back, sinking in.

“I love you too, thank you for making a mom.” You start tearing up as he fucks up into you faster.

“Jesus, fuck.”  He grunts. “You’re gonna be the best mum.” He makes eye contact with you and smirks. “The fuckin’ sexiest mum on the block.”

He snakes a hand between the two of you to rub your clit as fast as he can. You cling to him harder, your body laced with sweat. He had you moaning pretty loud until you let out a breathless gasp as you came.

“Fill me up babe, need to feel it, please.”

“God, I love it when you beg me like that, shit.” He groans and releases inside you. He kisses you before lifting you off of him.

He gets up and grabs a towel to clean you up. Once you’re both all set, you snuggle up and fall asleep.

//

“Oh wow!” You exclaim when you get into your apartment the next day.

“Happy anniversary, dalin’.” He kisses your cheek.

“This set up looks beautiful! Wait, I have something for you.”

“Y/N.” He sighs. “We said no real gifts.”

“I know, but I couldn’t help myself.” You pout. “I got you a new chain for your cross.” You hand him a box out of your purse. He opens it and smiles.

“It’s beautiful, thank you very much.”

He gives you a quick kiss and changes the chains out quick.

“Okay, go do your hair how you like, and get naked while I set the cameras up, yeah?”

You go into the bathroom and blow out your hair. You put some makeup on as well, and come out in your robe. Harry had his white sheet hung up in the living area, and a fan to blow your hair back.

“Harry…?”

“Yes?”

“Um…my…well…could you help me shave? I don’t want my bush in the pictures. It’s one thing with just you and me, but when I look back on these, and I can’t reach, and-“

“Go stand in the tub, I’ll come in in a second.” He smiles. Harry comes in a few minutes later.

“I’m sorry, this is so embarrassing.”

“It’s not, really.” He shrugs. “You’d do the same for me if I couldn’t reach my balls.” You burst out laughing.

He gets you all shaved after ten somewhat awkward minutes, but you’re grateful to feel fresh and clean.

“Thank you so much, I’m sorry.”

“Please, stop apologizing. I’d do anything for you.” He kisses you. “Now come on, it’s all set up.”

You come back out. He gets the fan going to blow your hair back. He tells you what positions to stand in. He gets some beautiful ones of you from the side. Really holding your bump.

“Don’t people do this wearing clothes too?”

“Oh, sure, but we have plenty of pictures of us like that, don’t we?”

“I suppose that’s true. Take your shirt off now, I want you in the pictures too, remember?”

Harry gets the camera set up on the tripod, and takes his shirt off. He gets on one knee and kisses your belly in one. He stands back up and takes your hands in his. You both lean in to kiss each other. He gets behind you in one, and you both make heart shapes with your hands over your stomach.

“I’ll zoom in on that one, it’ll look really nice for an album cover.” He says. “Look at how beautiful you are.” You put your robe back on and look at his camera.

“Thank you so much, I’m happy we’ll have these memories.”

“And then once Jack’s born, Mariah said she’d do a newborn shoot for us.

“She’s the best, the absolute best.”

//

You were able to make it through the end of the semester without having the baby in your classroom. You felt grateful that you’d be teaching online sections of courses in the fall so you could stay home with Jack a little longer. Erica had her littler girl, and you waddled into the hospital to say congratulations. She was a beautiful baby, and you were excited that Jack would have a cousin so close in age, other than Michael, to grow up with.

The weather was getting warmer and you were getting more uncomfortable after each day passed. Harry did his best to keep you calm, but you were at a point where everything annoyed you. He had you walking, eating spicy food, and you two were definitely still fucking, but nothing was helping you induce.

You had finally fallen asleep when you felt something wet underneath you. You pull the blankets back and see a huge wet spot. Your eyes grow wide.

“Harry!”

“What?!” He comes bursting through the door, he had stayed up to read in the living room so you could get some sleep.

“I think my water broke!” You beam.

“Oh my god, it’s happening!” He helps you out of the bed and gets you into the sweats you had picked out to go to the hospital in.

“Call my mom, I want her with us, okay? I need her.”

“Okay, once we’re in the car alright?” He smiles. “I need to text Rachel to come by to be with Buster.”

“Alright.”

He gets you into the car, and he calls your mom letting her know you were on your way to Boston Hospital. Luckily, Dr. Johnson was on call for you, and you were told she was on her way. A nurse gets you into a room, and gets you hooked up to whatever you needed to be hooked up to.

“Okay, so you’re not looking for a natural birth, correct?”

“Nope, give me all the drugs.” You laugh.

“We’ll do our best.” She smiles.

Eventually your mom shows up giving you lots of hugs and kisses.

“My little girl, my baby about to have a baby.” She smooths your forehead. “How are you doing, Harry?”

“M’alright, just wish I could take all the pain away. Her contractions have hurt really bad.”

“That’ll happen.” Your mom chuckles. “I’ll go get you some coffee.” She smiles and leaves.

“I’m glad she’s here.” You say to him.

“Me too. Nice to have family here for this.”

“Do me a favor, if the doctor asks you if you want to look while he’s coming out, say no. I do not want you looking. You’ll never get that image out of your mind.”

“Alright, I promise.” Your mom comes back shortly with the coffee.

“Mum, you’ll have to call the cantor for me so we can get Jack circumcised.”

“Of course, I’ll call first thing in the morning. I know he’s been waiting for you to call. And I’m going to have your brother and dad get your crib and everything over to your apartment first thing in the morning as well.”

“Oh, thanks mum.” You feel the sharp pains return to your stomach. “Harry!” You gasp. He rushes to your side to hold your hand.

“Remember to breathe, like in the classes.” He strokes your cheek as you squeeze his hand.

//

After twelve hours of labor, it was finally time to push. Harry was on one side you and your mom on the other. You had been given the epidural, but everything just felt cramped and uncomfortable. You were screaming and cursing as you pushed.

“You’re almost there, Y/N.” Dr. Johnson encourages you.

Harry thought you were going to break his hand off, and honestly, he felt like he deserved it watching you go through all this. Luckily, you weren’t cursing at him or screaming at him that you’ll never do this again, because honestly, you would. Despite how sick you felt in the first trimester, your pregnancy was relatively easy. You’d turn your love with Harry into another baby in a heartbeat, but he didn’t need to know that right now.

“I can see his head! Give me another good push, Y/N!”

You do ask the doctor says, and you nearly feel like you’re going to faint as she pulls Jack out of you. You weren’t sure, but you had to have torn open, there’s no way you didn’t. You hear the baby cry and a wave of relief sweeps over you. They clean him quick before resting him on you for skin on skin. Harry lets the doctor cut the cord, too afraid he’d mess something up. There were tears in your eyes and Harry’s as well. They let Harry hold Jack skin to skin as well before taking him off to weigh him and clean him up further.

“Do we have a name?” One of the nurses asks.

“Jack Edward Styles.” Harry says. You were too exhausted to speak. He leans in and gives you a kiss on the forehead. Your mother was also at a loss for words.

“He’s beautiful, honey, you did great.”

“Okay, Y/N, we just need to take care of a few things down here, I need to stitch you up.” Dr. Johnson says as she cleans up what she can.

“Oh god.” You groan and you start sobbing.

“Nothing to worry about, happens all the time. His head was a little larger like we thought. Long body too.” You look up at Harry and glare as she stitches you up.

“You and your big head.” You seethe.

“M’sorry, baby, really I am.” He can’t help but smile.

“Alright, all done. The nurses will help you the rest of the way.”

One of them shows you the mesh underwear you’ll be wearing and you grimace. You never felt less attractive in your life. After a little while you’re wheeled into your hospital room where you can relax. Your mom stepped out to go home and change. She said she’d come back during visiting hours. She also wanted to give you and Harry some time to relax. He laid on the bed with you and you rested your head on his chest as you finally slept. You were so fucking tired. It was like your entire body had been tensed up for days and now you could relax.

“Mr. and Mrs. Styles?” A nurse coos as she comes in with Jack. Harry sits up and beams at the baby. “Someone’s hungry, does mommy wanna try to feed?”

“I’ll give it a go.” You say as you try to sit up a little. Harry adjusts your pillows for you. “Ten fingers, ten toes?” You ask the nurse.

“Yes.” She chuckles as she hands him to you. “Perfectly healthy. Almost nine pounds.”

“Good god, you came outta me?” You coo to your new bundle of joy. Harry helps you move the hospital gown out of the way.

“He may not latch on right away, just give him a minute to get acquainted.” The nurse explains.

“I brought a pump with me in case he has trouble. I wasn’t sure how I’d feel about breast feeding.” You explain and she nods. “Oh! Look at him go, Harry.” Jack latches on so he can feed.

“Does it hurt, love?”

“Not really, just sort of feels weird. It can tend to hurt, right?” You ask the nurse.

“Yeah, it can. You’ll want to pump so you don’t get sore and tender. For now you’ll be fine since we’ll be bringing him in for his feedings. I’ll leave him with the two of you for a while and come back in an hour or so.” You both thank her before she leaves.

“He’s beautiful, Harry. Can you believe we made him?”

“Absolutely gorgeous. I took your picture when they first put him on you, but I could take a better one now.”

“Please do, I’m all cleaned up now.” He takes his phone out and takes your picture. “What’s your eye color, Jack?” He looks up at you slightly. “Oh! Green, duh.” You laugh.

“Be a bit weird if he didn’t since both of ours are green.”

“My dad’s eyes are brown and my mom’s are green, but my brother ended up with blue eyes. Both of my sisters have brown eyes, and I have green, so literally anything could have happened. I hope he has your curls.”

“Looks like he’ll have your nose, which is nice. Your nose is way cuter than mine, s’like a little button.”

“Oh stop it, I do not have a button nose. His ears look bigger like mine.”

“Seems like he’ll be a good mix of us, huh?”

“We’ll find out once he grows in a bit. I think he’s done.” You hold him up against your shoulder so you can gently burp him, and then you hand him to Harry. “So natural.” You tell him as you smile at your boys.

“Thank you, Y/N.”

“For what?”

“Makin’ me a real Daddy. I know we have Buster and all, but this…” You lean in and kiss Jack’s head.

“Mm, he smells so good, smell his head.” You giggle. “He’s got that new baby smell.” Harry dips his head slightly and he smiles as he smells his child.

“He does smell good.” He chuckles.

A nurse comes in for you a little while later.

“Time to go to the bathroom, Y/N.” She sighs.

“No, please don’t make me.” You whine. “It’s going to hurt.”

“I know, but we need to have you try. I’ll be right in there with you.”

“Oh, wonderful.” You roll your eyes.

“Go on, honey, I’m sure you need to go with all the fluids you’ve been given.”

The nurse helps you onto your feet and you cringe as you take a step. You look back at Harry and he gives you an encouraging smile. It broke his heart to see you like this. He knew in a few months you’d be perfectly fine, but right now he knew you were in a ton of pain, and he hated it. The nurse helps you use the toilet, and you swore at her up and down, then you apologized of course. She helps you back in the bed afterwards.

“Okay…so the next time I come to help you use the bathroom, you’re going to hate me even more.”

“Why?” You ask, taking Jack back from Harry.

“You need to try to have a BM.” Your eyes widen. You had read up on this, and you weren’t looking forward to it. “We need to make sure you stitches don’t rip open and get cleaned properly. I’ll be back in a couple of hours, okay?”

“Please, take your time.” You tell her as she leaves. “That’s going to suck.”

Nurses continued to come in and out to check on you and Jack. They took him away for a while to let you and Harry rest. Harry had let everyone know to just come to visiting hours tomorrow. You needed more time to recover, and you really didn’t want to see everyone just yet. Your BM was painful to say the least, but you got through it.

“It’ll get easier, Y/N.” The nurse says. As you lay down in the bed she braces you for something much more painful. “You may want to hold your husband’s hand for this. I have to give your stomach a massage, and it’s going to hurt.”

“Wonderful.” You take a breath. “Ow! What the fuck?!” You squeeze Harry’s hand.

“I’m so sorry, I’m checking to make sure there’s no internal bleeding or air pockets.”

“This is worse than giving birth, I swear to god.” You grit your teeth.

“Okay, all done.” She smiles. “Take some time to rest. We’ll bring the baby in for another feeding soon.”

“Alright? Want some ice chips?”

“No, because then I’ll need to pee again.” You pout.

“Y/N.” He sighs and hands you the cup of ice chips.

“It burns, Harry. It’s terrible.”

“I know, I’m sorry. It’ll get better soon, this is the hardest part.” He strokes your cheek. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” You pucker your lips and kiss him.

//

The next day people trickle in during the different visiting hours. Your family came first and took turns holding the baby. Your friends came in the afternoon, many of them shedding tears. It was wonderful to have so many people around.

Harry had made sure to take time off from work to be home with you. Not necessarily a paternity leave, though. He told you he’d take two weeks off form going to the studio, and then he’d do half days or every other day from there. He promised he wouldn’t work weekends as well. You knew he had to work to make the money you both needed. You had a good paycheck from the school, but you weren’t working this summer, so that extra cash was nonexistent.

You were grateful your dad and brother were able to set up the nursery the rest of the way for you. Everything was in its place. You and Harry agreed Anne and Gemma, and Nannie, could fly in, in a month or so to come meet Jack. You just needed some time to adjust and heal before you started having a ton of visitors.

You and Harry couldn’t help but laugh when he helped you set up the breast pump. It was extremely awkward, but you couldn’t figure out how to do it yourself. You also needed his help going to the bathroom at various points, also extremely awkward and embarrassing, but that was marriage. You were grateful for him.

Buster took a liking to Jack right away. You knew they’d be great buddies. You and Harry barely got any sleep the first couple weeks, which was to be expected. You constantly needed to feed Jack. He was a big boy, and he was hungry.

“Why are you crying?” Harry sighs as he comes into the nursery to see what’s going on.

“Because.” You sniffle. “Because what if my breast milk doesn’t have enough stuff in it and that’s why he’s so hungry? I know nothing’s wrong with formula, but like, I’m his mother, and I can’t even give him what he needs.” You sob.

“Okay, okay.” Harry takes Jack and the bottle from you to continue feeding him. You wipe your tears. It was hard to be sad whenever you’d see Harry effortlessly hold your child. “You are giving him what he needs. He’s just…large.” He chuckles. “He’s hungry a little more. I was talkin’ to Lou, and he said Freddie was the same way. Constantly hungry, and Bri used breastmilk. You’re makin’ plenty of it. If you were havin’ trouble producing, I’d say yeah let’s switch to formula, but I think we’re fine.”

“What am I gonna do when you go back to work.” You tear up again.

“Your mum’s comin’ to be with you, remember? She’ll be here when I can’t be. Believe me, I’d rather be here with you.”

“I know, I don’t mean to make you feel bad. You just always know how to calm me down.”

“Luckily your mum’s done this four times, so she’ll know what to do too.” He smiles. He turns Jack over to burp him. “Here, wanna rock him to sleep? I’m gonna take Buster out quick.”

“Okay.” He hands him back to you. You rock him slowly and set him down in his crib. “Mummy loves you very much, Jack.” You coo as you leave the room.

You go out to the living room to sit on the couch. Buster comes trotting in and sits at your feet. You pat the top of his head, and Harry comes to sit next to you. He puts an arm around you and pulls you in close.

“Love you so much.” He kisses your hairline.

“I love you too.”

//

You were never so thankful to have friends who didn’t work in the summer in your life. Your mom was a big help, but she was also trying to help out Erica. Sarah and Rachel came over often to hang out and make sure you weren’t bored to shit while Jack napped. They’d go out for walks with you while he was strapped to your chest.

“You look great, Y/N.” Sarah says.

“Seriously, Y/N, it’s been what? A month? Barely even have a tummy anymore.” Rachel says.

“Oh stop it.” You shake your head at them as you walk down the street. “I’ve just simply deflated. Dr. Johnson said I could start doing more cardio next month, do some strength training too, but for now she just wants me walking.”

“Having that little guy strapped to you has to be some kind of strength training.” Sarah smirks.

“You have no idea! He looks tiny, but he gets heavy after a while.”

“When do you think you guys will do your newborn shoot?”

“Probably next month once I feel a little more comfortable being photographed. Oh! You guys should see the album we put together from the maternity shoot, the pictures came out so nice. I had a couple framed and put into Jack’s room.”

“Definitely! How’s Harry been with going back to work?” Rachel says.

“He feels guilty, and like he’s missing out on things. I’ve brought Jack to the studio a couple of times, but I think it makes it worse for him. That’s why Buster’s been going to work with him. He’s such a good dad, not that I ever doubted he would be. It’s never a contest, like he’s just always jumping into help.”

“That’s what he’s supposed to do. He’s a dad, not a babysitter.” Sarah points out.

“Exactly.”

“Do you feel like you’ve had any post-partum stuff?” Rachel asks.

“Sometimes I feel like I’m not doing enough? Like when I feed him and he gets hungry again almost immediately after, I feel like I’m not giving him what he needs. But Harry seems to think he’s just genuinely hungry. I’m excited for Anne and Gemma to come visit soon, and I think Nannie’s gonna come up in August.”

“That’s great! It must be difficult knowing you have a grandchild so far away.”

“Since Anne’s retired, Harry was saying she might rent a small studio and stay here for a while longer this summer to be with Jack, and to help us out a bit. I’m all for it, she’s the best, and it would take some pressure offer my mom. I know she’s trying to balance out time with Jack and Melissa.”

“Oh yeah, how’s she doing?”

“Good! Erica’s kind of dealing with the same things as I am. Although, she went right to formula instead of breastfeeding.” You shrug.

“Do you think you’ll ever put your piercings back in?”

“The second my stomach goes back to normal, that’s going back in for sure, but my nipples I’m not so sure about. If I get pregnant again I’ll just need to take them out, it was really annoying. I’m fine with just my nose for now.”

You were grateful your friends didn’t mind talking about this stuff, and even more grateful they were checking in on your mental state. You were the luckiest person in the world.

[hale-13]

Hold Onto the Faith as I Dig Another Grave

By Hale13

For the Summer of Whump Day 6 - Buried Alive

He can’t do it.

There’s just no way he can do it.

He can feel the air thinning, his eyesight gets steadily darker, he can almost smell fresh tilled earth (a rarity in the middle of New York City) and this is it.

He’s going to die.

Words: 2031, Chapters: 1/1 (Complete), Language: English

Fandoms: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)

Rating: Gen

Relationships: Peter Parker & Ned Leeds, Peter Parker & Michelle Jones, Peter Parker & Tony Stark

Characters: Peter Parker, Ned Leeds, Michelle Jones, Tony Stark, Happy Hogan

TW: Absolutely none.

Read on AO3 or below the line break.

He can’t do it.

There’s just no way he can do it.

He can feel the air thinning, his eyesight gets steadily darker, he can almost smell fresh tilled earth (a rarity in the middle of New York City) and this is it.

He’s going to die.

“Could you be any more dramatic?” MJ asks from where she’s furiously typing into her laptop, he hair more frizzy than normal and her eyes pinched. Her usually unaffected demeanor is cracking a little at the edges and Peter has never seen her so frantic and disorganized – he feels a little bad about it.

“Seriously Peter,” Ned agrees from his section of the table where multi-colored index cards are scattered in a disorganized mess – he, too, looks on the verge of a breakdown but he’s not able to hide it as easily as Michelle – Ned always has worn his heart on his sleeve. “It’s your fault we waited until the last minute anyway,” his (now former – seriously Ned what the hell, how dare you) best friend accuses.

Peter just lets out a wounded animal noise as he edits his section of their PowerPoint, eyes nearly crossed he’s so close to the screen. Like that would help him edit any faster he thinks sardonically. “It’s not totally my fault,” he tried to rationalize.

“Yes it is,” MJ tells him bluntly, face buried in her over-highlighted notes on the vaccine apartheid in India and Africa for the comparative section of their presentation. “We could have been done weeks ago if you had actually come to the meetings we scheduled.”

“I came to the first one,” Peter protested, looking through his image folder for the proper photo for his slide – he had, at least, cropped and edited them all already so he had one less thing to do. “And besides, we divided the work up evenly – you didn’t even need me around to do your part.” He immediately flinched at the very clear ‘eat shit and die’ look Michelle gave him and murmured out a quick apology before ducking his head back into his work. Ned gave him a look of pity and a sad head shake, Peter just glared in response.

Ned bangs his head onto the table softly and moans. “Why do we always wait until the last minute? I hate waiting until the last minute.”

“Less whining, more writing,” Michelle says bluntly, adding a slide to the PowerPoint on their Google docs and making Peter groan. His job is to outline and find pictures, Michelle’s is to clean everything up and organize their presentation and Ned’s is to make sure that their presentation is cohesive and write out their speech. It’s a system that has, traditionally, worked well for them but this time may as well be a disaster. The only thing keeping them together at this point is MJ’s ruthless efficiency and Ned and Peter’s intense fear of failure.

“We were supposed to do this last week,” Ned continued, ignoring MJ’s order and then the kick she aimed as his shin; not even flinching at what was surely decent pain considering their friend had worn her Doc Marten’s to their meeting. “Why the hell did we let you cancel?”

“Because of that bank robbery remember?” Peter says, ignoring his own work for a second and risking MJ’s (well deserved not that he would admit it) wrath. “And then I got caught on patrol for a couple hours and then it was curfew.” He may have also been in the MedBay that night for a (minor) stab wound but he wasn’t telling them that – his friends worried enough about him as it was.

“Not that I necessarily support the police and the clear and rampant systemic racism of the entire system,” Michelle began, forcefully picking Ned’s head off the table and shoving a pen into his hands so he would continue working, “but that is their job. If we aren’t going to defund them the least they could do is handle a bank robbery.” This had been a frequent disagreement between the two of them for a while – MJ was one hundred percent correct in her viewpoint but Peter was a closet control freak who couldn’t leave well enough alone. They tried not to talk about it in polite conversation anymore.

“But there were hostages,” Peter whined, and there were. About twelve of them who all seemed more bored and annoyed than scared but that was the city for ya.

“And?” Michelle accused. “What do you think happened before you started running around in tights?”

“She has a point,” Ned said gently, organizing the index cards to be less chaotic.

Peter gave them both an irritated huff and muttered “They aren’t tights.”

“Spandex then,” Michelle said flippantly, waving her hand in his direction without looking up from her screen. Peter rolled his eyes.

“Well the next time we have a group project I’ll just send out a nice tweet asking all the criminals and muggers to put their crime on hold so I can do my homework,” Peter huffed sarcastically but without any real heat.

“If you wouldn’t mind,” Ned said, sounding relieved and Peter rolled his eyes again but got back to work. He was only on slide thirteen of twenty-five and, at the rate MJ was adding pages, he’d never finish. They worked in silence for a while, only breaking it to ask murmured questions before, finally, MJ snapped her laptop shut.

“Well if its not done at this point its not ever going to be,” she stated causing Ned to drop his pen and massage his cramping hand and Peter to let his head fall to the table in relief with a moan – his head was starting to throb and the words on his computer were swimming in front of his eyes. “Let’s try to get to school early tomorrow to do a couple run throughs before the presentation.” Peter glanced at the clock on the library wall and groaned, receiving a conciliatory pat on the back from Ned – he still had a ton of homework to get through before he could even think about sleeping.

“Want a ride home?” Ned asked a few minutes later when they were standing on the steps in front of the library. MJ’s mom had already been waiting when they stepped outside leaving just Ned and Peter to wait on Ned’s older sister.

“Nah,” Peter said, adjusting his too heavy backpack and rocking back on his heels. “Think I might swing home, just a quick patrol you know?”

The look Ned gave him was skeptical and disapproving but Peter chose to ignore it. He wouldn’t be out long anyway – just a quick run through the areas he knew were a problem and then home. Faster than the subway for sure. “Fine,” Ned grunted, thankfully holding in his opinion. “But you should go ahead and go before my sister gets here and insists on driving you,” Ned indicated to his tracking app, showing his sister only a few minutes away.

“Thanks man,” Peter said, initiating their handshake and trotting off around the corner to find a suitable alley to change in.

—————————————————

Three hours later, Peter fell through the window of his bedroom, collapsing on the floor and pulling his mask off. His hair was limp and sweaty where it clung to his head and his headache from earlier had gotten worse – the throbbing elevating up to a stabbing behind his eyes.

“One minute,” he told himself, panting and draping his elbow over his eyes. “You can have one minute and then you have work to do.”

“Talking to yourself?”

Peter jumped up, banging his head on the side of his bed with a wince, causing his vision to grey out a little and falling back on the floor to stare dazedly at the ceiling. Tony leaned over him to block his view, his expression mixed between humor and pity as Peter groaned and squeezed his eyes shut. “Don’t scare me like that!”

“Thought you had a tingle?” Tony teased, grabbing Peter’s hand and pulling him up to sit propped against the wall, ignoring the glare Peter shot him. “You’re lucky May’s working tonight.”

“Yeah I know,” Peter admitted. He was over two hours late for his midnight curfew and, if May had been home and not working in the ER, she would have skinned him alive and then grounded him for the foreseeable future.

“You’re even more lucky I covered for your scrawny spider ass and told her you were staying at the Tower tonight,” Tony said smugly, gesturing to the overnight bag that he had clearly packed for Peter. “Go ahead and change, you can shower once we get back to the Penthouse. You got everything you need for school?”

“Yeah,” Peter confirmed, stripping off the suit and pulling on an old pair of sweats and the t-shirt he had worn to school earlier. Changed and stumbling, he followed his mentor down to the town car that was waiting in front of the door to his apartment, crawling into the back seat and resting his aching head against the window; ignoring Happy’s tired look of disapproval in the rear view mirror.

“So,” Tony began, sitting across from him to make better eye contact. “Want to tell me why you’re out so late?”

“Well I was at the library with Ned and MJ working on a project for biology until about eleven-,”

“Why so late?” Tony interrupted, brows furrowed in thought. Peter bit his lip and averted his eyes and Tony nodded in understanding. “So you procrastinated until the last minute.”

“Maybe,” Peter conceded, eyes darting over to his bag and lingering for a second. Tony clocked the movement and let out a long suffering sigh, massaging his eyes with the thumb and forefinger on his right hand and grimacing .

“How much more do you have?”

“Uh…,” Peter squeaked out. “Just… just two problem sets in physics, one in calculus and five chapters of Jane Eyre to read.” Easily three to four hours of work and Peter was starting to feel buried and suffocated under the course load, his muscles started to tremble at the impending exhaustion he would be feeling the next day on little to no sleep.

Tony gave him a look of commiseration before asking “And when is all of this due?”

“The presentation is my last period of the day, right after lunch,” Peter answered. “Everything else is due in the morning.” Tony studied him for a moment before sighing.

“Here’s the offer: you go back to the Penthouse, take a shower and go to bed,” he held up a hand to halt Peter’s protest, “and I’ll tell May you have, what I assume to be, the start of a migraine,” Peter’s hand reached up subconsciously to rub his temple under his mentor’s knowing look. “She can call you out of school and I’ll take you at lunch so you don’t miss your presentation then you have all weekend to stick your nose in a book while I do some suit modifications. Square deal?”

Peter let out a sigh of relief and melted into the soft leather, nodding. “Deal.”

The rest of the ride was silent and Peter dozed until he was urged out of the car and into the elevator. Once they reached the Penthouse, Tony relieved him of his book bag and passed over the duffle he had packed, Peter not even bothering to put up a token protest as he was shoo’ed in the direction of his room. He pulled out his phone to text his group chat with Ned and MJ and saw that he already had a message waiting.

About thirty minutes before, MJ had sent a screenshot of the SpideyWatch twitter page that had a clear picture of him stopping a mugging just before he got home. The text under it said ‘see you at lunch for a practice run’ and Peter smiled a little, chest warm, as he sent the thumbs up emoji and tossed his phone onto his bed; he was looking forward to a scalding shower and eight hours of uninterrupted blissful sleep.

[holidaywishes]

i can’t carry this anymore

part twelve: i can’t carry this anymore

  Summary: After Freddie goes back to Toronto, You are bombarded with questions and judgements from your family

  Warning: mostly angst but some fluff as well

  Author’s Note: Here is the angsty chapter, yay! I think I’ve only done angsty sections in this series but this chapter will be (almost) completely angst, with a touch of fluff to round it out, which either means it’s really long or really short. Since I haven’t written it yet, I can’t say yet. Also! I’ve been listening to this song nonstop and I love it. I wanted to put it into something but I didn’t really know how but then this idea of a death in the family came up and it seemed fitting. I hope you enjoy it! Stay Golden, Loves! ❤️

  masterlist

  the other masterlist

  Song Credit: I Can’t Carry This Anymore -- Anson Seabra

xx

  You hated watching Freddie leave and that Vita had to see her parents fight but you were too stubborn to admit you were wrong.

  “Why did you tell him to leave?” your mom asked

  “Mom, please” you groaned

  “Why did you let him leave?” Lauren added

  “I. Have. To. Be. Here,” you explained, emphasizing each word bitingly, “I made a promise to everyone and I can’t just bail because he needs to get back to training”

  “Baby,” your dad added softly, “it’s his job, he’s committed to it”

  “But it’s not that simple, dad,” you sighed, “he never talked to me about this. I wake up and he’s telling me we have to leave. I get that he’s committed to his job and I love that about him but this is something that is happening with me and he shouldn’t just expect me to bail on it because he needs me to”

  “Sometimes you need to compromise!” Lauren argued

  “What do you know about any of it, Laur?”

  “Hey now,” your mom tried, “don’t talk like that”

  “No, I’m serious. I’m really curious, mom,” you continued, talking about your sister as if she weren’t there, “She’s never had to compromise with anyone. Ever. Her relationships have always been easy!”

  “THAT’S NOT TRUE!” Lauren yelled

  “Girls...” your dad tried

  “All relationships need work, including mine. All relationships need to have some kind of compromise--”

  “I DO COMPROMISE!” You interrupted, “the father of my child is gone days, weeks at a time. I didn’t get to have a honeymoon because the hockey season started. I’ve spent more time talking about the Stanley Cup than I have about birthday parties and engagement parties and Christmases. He gave me a beautiful wedding and a beautiful daughter and he loves me every day and I love him every day but this was one thing, one thing that I needed him to compromise on and he wouldn’t”

  “Because of his job!” Lauren repeated

  “IT DOESN’T MATTER, LAUREN!” You yelled back, “this is my grandparents funeral. It doesn’t just end when they’re cremated or when their ashes are spread where they wanted, it doesn’t end for us the way it ends for everyone else. He should’ve understood that!”

  “HE WANTED TO BE HOME WITH YOU SO YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO STRESS OVER DUMB SHIT!” she shouted at you, the two of you standing up to face each other as close as you could before your parents pulled you apart

  “DUMB SHIT?! DUMB SHIT?!” you continued, fighting your fathers attempts to pull you away from your sister, “DUMB SHIT LIKE HELPING OUR PARENTS CLEAR OUT OUR GRANDPARENTS HOUSE? DUMB SHIT LIKE BEING A GOOD DAUGHTER? DUMB SHIT LIKE ACTUALLY GIVING A SHIT ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS TO THIS PLACE?”

  “YOU’RE NEVER GONNA LIVE HERE! SO WHY DO YOU CARE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS TO THIS PLACE?!”

  “THEY WERE MY GRANDPARENTS, LAUREN! THIS IS WHERE THEY LIVED! THAT’S WHY!”

  “YOU HAVE A LIFE SOMEWHERE ELSE! WITH OTHER PEOPLE!”

  “THAT DOESN’T MEAN I DON’T HAVE THIS LIFE TOO!”

  “YES IT DOES! YOU’VE STARTED YOUR LIFE SOMEWHERE ELSE, YOU DON’T NEED ALL OF THIS!” You heard Vita begin to cry and you wanted to comfort her but your sisters words were still flying at you to a point where you couldn’t stop yourself from yelling at her

  “WHY DO YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE SO BADLY? WHAT DO YOU GET FROM ME HOPPING ON A PLANE?”

  “I J--”

  “ENOUGH!” Your dad finally yelled so the two of you would stop, “You’re both being ridiculous! (Y/N), we appreciate that you want to stay here but Lauren is right, your life is with Freddie and Vita in Toronto,” Vita was still crying but it wasn’t as intense as it was before, probably due to your mom rocking her back and forth and shielding her ears from the yelling, “and Lauren, stop yelling at your sister. I know your intentions are good but you have no idea what she’s going through so stop trying to get under her skin”

  “PAPA IT’S NOT MY FAULT, ALL I WAS--”

  “I DON’T CARE, LAUREN!” He finally snapped, his face turning bright red and his posture becoming imposing, “YOU’RE THE OLDER SISTER, ACT LIKE IT OR GET THE HELL OUT!” Everything was silent for a while before your sister eventually left the room and you were left to pick up the pieces

  “I’m sorry, Papa...” you said quietly

  “You should go home, Liebling” he confessed

  “Why is everyone trying to get rid of me?”

  “We’re not trying to get rid of you, love,” your mom added, handing Vita to you before kissing your head, “we love you but so does Freddie. You two should be together”

  “Yeah, he should’ve stayed--”

  “We’re not getting into this again” your dad interrupted

  “What your father means is that Vita should have both of her parents with her in a stress free environment. Running around trying to clean up a dusty old house so far away from home isn’t what your new family needs right now”

  “But Mama,” you tried, “I can’t just leave. I can’t just let all of you... say goodbye to them without me”

  “Is that what this is about?” your mom asked and you nodded, a small tear escaping your eye, “baby, we’re not saying goodbye without you. We’ve all said our goodbyes. This stuff here, it’s just stuff. It’s not them.”

  “But it’s all their memories. Their first date, their first fight, their wedding album, your baby pictures,” you rambled, gesturing to your mom, “their favourite shows and favourite clothes. Oma’s old jewelry that she didn’t want to ruin so she would keep in a box, Opa’s old suits that he never had a reason to wear anymore or his dress blues that he kept from the Navy.”

  “Baby girl,” your dad cooed, wrapping his arm around your shoulders and guiding you to the bench in the kitchen, “your Oma and Opa lived a very full life. They had things to keep them comfortable and content but even they would agree, that these things are just things. Just stuff, like Mama said, if you want some of it to remember them, we can put them aside for you and bring them back or send them to you. But they are not this stuff. The memories are not in some dusty old suit or tattered quilt, the memories are in here,” he tapped the top of your head and you giggled, “locked away safe where you can always get to them”

  “And they’ll never fade” your mom added

  “That’s right,” your dad smiled and you did in return, “they would want you to make new memories with your husband and let the stuff just be stuff. Miss them, love them, but don’t worry about all the stuff.”

  “Stop saying stuff,” you laughed, “oh papa.. I know it’s all things and I know that I’ll have the memories forever but it’s not just about that... It’s about Freddie wanting to leave so soon after the funeral, without even talking to me. All so he can go back to training camp for another Hockey season. It’s never about him compromising in the smallest way. I needed him here and he needed to be there... I will always come second”

  “That’s not true,” your mom said, “his job is important but you are his life. Both of you. Everything he does, he does for you and your little girl. Sometimes it sucks and sometimes it doesn’t seem like he’s listening to you or compromising for you but he is. Trust me, he talks about you two all the time and says he hates that he has to be away but he wants to give you the best”

  “I just want him around and sometimes it feels like the league is more important...” You shook your head, kissing the top of Vita’s head to find some kind of comfort in how you were feeling before you went to find your sister

  “Laur?” you whispered from around the corner

  “What?” she snapped

  “I just wanted to apologize,” you said, leading her to turn and face you, “I shouldn’t have yelled like that. I know you mean well but I was -- it doesn’t matter. I’m sorry”

  “I’m sorry, too,” she admitted, “I know how much you love him and how important it is to spend time with them. I guess I just thought that you’d want to spend as much time with him as you could.”

  “I do,” you sighed, “I just... also wanted to be here. With everyone. To say goodbye to this place, these memories, these things... I didn’t want to come back one day and pass this house and realize that it’s completely different. That whoever buys it just buys it to flip it. It’s an old house and people do that with old houses you know? I just wanted one last memory here since I haven’t been here since we were kids...”

  “I get that” she smiled

  “But it doesn’t matter...��� you continued, “I know that something is going to happen to this place, unless someone in the family buys it and keeps it exactly the same. It’s going to change because it has to. Because they’re gone... God, I can’t believe they’re gone.“ You sighed, dropping your head to your hands, “I can’t believe we’ll never hear Opa’s snort when he laughs anymore”

  “Or the way Oma had to wake him up every time he fell asleep with his plate on his stomach” she laughed

  “Or the way they would hold hands anytime they walked together”

  “I remember when we were kids, they were babysitting us and we caught them kissing in the kitchen after Oma was finished baking cookies”

  “I remember that, she had dough on her cheek and he said he was helping her” the two of you giggled at the memories

  “I miss them already”

  “Me too” you said quietly

  “They loved us,” Lauren added, “but they loved you the most.”

  “They did not” you scoffed

  “No, seriously. They told me,” you laughed but she continued, “they loved me, they never denied that, but they said that you had a kindness to you that they’d never experienced before. They so admired it”

  “I got it from them”

  “I know,” she laughed, “but I just wanted you to know that you were the favourite.”

  “Oh, Lauren....” you sighed, bouncing your daughter on your knee, “I gotta go home”

  “Yes you do” she smirked

  “Do you think I screwed everything up?” you winced

  “Yes.” She joked and you scoffed in response, “no, you didn’t screw things up. But you do need to be there for him”

  “Fine...” you laughed before standing up and making your way upstairs to pack yours and Vita’s things. It appeared that your family had already ordered an Uber for you because they were waiting outside to say goodbye.

  “We love you” your dad said, hugging you tightly as the driver grabbed your bags to put them in the trunk

  “Tell Freddie we love him too” your mom added

  “And don’t forget to tell him you’re sorry.” You laughed before hugging your sister and hopping in the car to head to the airport; eager to get back to Freddie and make things right.

xx

Freddie’s P.O.V

  You got back to the house and dropped your bags before letting out a sigh. You weren’t sure what would happen when (Y/N) got back but you hoped a lot of time wouldn’t pass before she appeared at the door. Until then, you had to continue with your daily life; that meant waking up early the next morning and going to practice

  “HEY FRED!” Willy called out to you, “wait up!”

  “What’s up Willy?” you asked as you both walked to the ice

  “I heard about (Y/N)’s grandparents,” he started, “I’m sorry.”

  “Thanks, bud. She’s still in Vienna for a bit but I’ll let her know you were thinking about her.” He patted you on the back before skating away from you and, needless to say, you couldn’t concentrate and you were quick to run home. Hoping that she would be there when you got there, “(Y/N)?!” You called out as soon as you walked in the door but not hearing a response, forcing you to collapse onto the couch

  “Freddie?” her voice rang through the room and to your ear, “baby?”

  “You’re here!” you exclaimed, “God, I hoped you’d be here.” You ran to hug her and she giggled as you spun her around

  “I’m sorry.. for yelling and for everything,” she said, “I didn’t mean any of it”

  “I know, elske” you said before kissing her face

  “Fred.. Fred,” she laughed, “Fred! Hold on, we need to talk about this”

  “What?” you asked and she stepped back

  “I hate that you left that you didn’t want to compromise on this... I know Hockey is important, I know it’s your job but I needed you to be with me, even if it meant not being here. In Toronto.”

  “I know,” you admitted, “but I did need to be here. Can you understand that?” She scoffed in response, pushing away your arms and walking toward the couch

  “Sometimes, Fred, it feels like it’s all up to me. To carry everything. To carry us, this relationship, this marriage. I can understand a lot, I can put up with a lot but I’m trying to stay strong for my daughter, for you, and I don’t know how much more I can push myself before I break. I need you to put in as much effort as I seem to be. I lost two of my favourite people in the world and I couldn’t re-live their memories because I had to come back here. To deal with this.” She gestured between the two of you while you just dropped your head, “I fought with my sister and made Vita cry because I was tired of compromising. I just.. I’m scared that I’ll have to be this person forever, the one who waits for you to come home. Who drops everything even when things are going well because your career needs me to. I can’t carry this anymore, I can’t be the only one doing the giving in this relationship. I need you carry us. I need you to carry me sometimes, too, okay?”

  “Of course,” you said, hugging her close and tucking your face in her neck, “I’m sorry that you feel like you have to carry all of this. I want you to drop your stuff on me, okay? Let me take your stress, let me carry you. Let me do all the things that you don’t want to do.” She giggled at your words before she lifted your chin so she could look at you

  “I guess I didn’t realize how upset I was about Oma and Opa. I mean I knew I was sad, I knew I was grieving but I think I was just holding onto all of it because I wanted to be strong for everybody, I didn’t want to crumble and cry because I knew I’d never stop if I started. So I started carrying all this pain and then I took it out on you,” she said quietly, placing her hand on the side of your face as she spoke, “I’m sorry.”

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I’m sorry I was so selfish, I’m sorry I--” she interrupted you with a kiss and you tried your best not to break it, you hadn’t realized how much you’d missed kissing her until you finally had the chance again, but she needed to pull away

  “I love you.” She stated simply and you kissed her nose quickly, reciprocating her words before capturing her lips in another kiss and, this time, you wouldn’t let her go.

[kitsbookshelf]

The Twilight Saga: a detailed review of why I can’t stand them and love them in (almost) equal measure

Before I start this borderline scathing review, I just want to let you know that it's full of spoilers, so if you haven't read the books, look away now. This is your only warning.

Now that that's out of the way... I can't stand the Twilight saga. Twelve-year-old me is cringing at my hatred for it, and Twilight fans are waiting to set me on fire, but it's true. I think they're poorly written, and there are soooo many parts of every book that just...missed the mark, at least for me. Let's start at the beginning, with the first book: Twilight.

Bella, our darling main character, moves in with her dad, Charlie (let's take a moment to appreciate perhaps the only normal, mentally stable person in this entire saga), in the rainy small town of Forks, Washington.

Bella is quite a bland character, but that just makes her easier to project yourself onto when you're reading the book if that's how you immerse yourself. For me, I found her obsessive and definitely not emotionally stable, and it did honestly feel like reading the diary of a manic and very unstable 17-year-old. On one hand, that's good--I'm reading from Bella's perspective, and it's written exactly how I'd expect her to write--but on the other hand, the writing feels...cheap? I completely blame my own taste in writing style for my opinion on this one, but I just couldn't enjoy the very boring storytelling happening here. It was all very 'tell-tell-tell' instead of the 'show-tell-show' way of writing I prefer.

Now here is where my adoration for this book comes in: Edward Cullen. Specifically, the interactions between him and Bella. They have conversations, and banter, and it's a fun little human-vampire-friendship that isn't awful to read (I will never never forgive the films for leaving some of the dialogue out, it's pure gold and possibly the only saving grace of this book). The characters felt like teenagers here, but it was only for the few short pages we got of them interacting without the overly-exaggerated brooding that our sweet Ed is known for.

The romance between Bella and Edward is...concerning. For me, I couldn't find a single bit of actual romance between the two of them beyond Bella's obsession with him and Edward's bloodlust and weird self-control thing he has for her. It felt really unhealthy, and I couldn't wrap my head around how people actually think there's romance there.

The whole James thing...I don't know about anyone else, but it felt really random. Yes, it added a conflict to the book, but I felt like there wasn't really any good development to make it more relevant. That all seemed to happen later with Victoria, but James didn't really feel like he fit into the story very well. I think I would have preferred it if he was gradually brought in through the book, or if there was some sort of lead up to the conflict instead of just--WHAM! Tracker dude wants to kill Bella because Edward got protective and now only the final section of the book has any action.

Twilight completely had the potential to be a good vampire-human romance novel. There was no real need for the James-Victoria storyline, even in the later books. What did they add? Only the entirety of Eclipse, but that book could be taken out completely without disrupting the story all that much.

New Moon feels like a completely different book, and I actually really liked it. The writing style still got on my nerves and made it more difficult for me to enjoy the book, but the content was so much better.

Bella's spiral in New Moon really added something to her character. Instead of another book of her constant Edward-Cullen-is-the-most-beautiful-man-to-ever-exist inner monologue, we got a whole book of her.

Jacob Black was introduced, and he was a genuinely likable character (the one thing I will say is that his inability to take 'no' for an answer really did put me off him for a large portion of the book and the next one) who brought some more normality into the book. It didn't feel like I was reading an overly-exaggerated supernatural romance, and I enjoyed it. The banter between the two of them was so realistic, and I actually really loved how Meyer explored Bella's coping mechanisms and her dependency issues when Jacob phased and Bella was left without him again.

The conflict here was much more well-executed than in Twilight, with the Volturi having been mentioned before and now becoming established properly in the saga. They're the perfect villains, and I enjoyed reading about them much more than I enjoyed the rushed few chapters of James's story in Twilight. I loved how Meyer kept Bella awake the entire way home from Italy. You really got to see the sort of wild relief that she felt when getting Edward back, and I think it was well-written and made me feel like there was slightly more going on here than the forced romance in Twilight.

I really do feel like the subject of them being mates should have come up a lot sooner. Maybe some questions on how a human could be a vampire's mate, or exploring the complications of it, because then maybe Bella's obsession would have been far more understandable earlier in the saga, and it might have felt more 'organic' than the relationship I read until Bella became a newborn later on.

And now we reach Eclipse... Eclipse, Eclipse, Eclipse... I hate it. There isn't a single part of this book that I can honestly say I enjoyed. I felt like it could have been taken out completely, and it wouldn't have made a difference to the story.

The whole book felt like a filler, purely there to resolve the issue of Victoria before moving on to Bella's pregnancy and vampirism in Breaking Dawn. It didn't feel like any part of it was important, or really memorable.

Victoria's whole storyline could have been erased without destroying the saga. The only interesting thing about the whole conflict with her was that she managed to orchestrate it without Alice seeing her, and that was the one thing that kept the book rolling on instead of it being a handful of chapters of the newborns being defeated.

The one thing that this book set up was the truce between the werewolves and the vampires, and I definitely think that could have been done in another way if James and Victoria had never existed (if you can't already tell, I really don't see the point to James and Victoria, and they don't add anything to the books except for a tiny, irrelevant bit of drama).I enjoyed how Meyer wrote the love triangle, and how she made Bella love them both. It felt, to me, more realistic that Bella would feel something for Jacob after everything we read in New Moon and how much she cared about him.

Beyond those things, though, this book really did feel completely useless to me, and I couldn't wait to stop reading it and get back to something that felt like it had a decent plot.

Okay, last one (I commend you for surviving this far). Breaking Dawn.

I...didn't hate it, but I didn't love it. I think it's a good conclusion to the saga, and I like how the characters all got a happy ending, but I can't say I think it's amazing or even close.

Bella becoming a mother felt strange and disjointed to the rest of the books--she'd never said she wanted to have a baby, and had even stated that she didn't mind not having a child if it meant being a vampire with Edward. Then suddenly she's pregnant and will let herself die to give birth to the baby? It doesn't fit with what we've read of her character up to this point, and it irked me.

And the baby name...Renesme... Can we take a second to appreciate how stupid that sounds? There were so many other options--honestly, I'd have taken literally any other option--and Bella chose to mash their mothers' names together in the worst possible way. Renesme. Ugh.

Don't even get me started on Jacob imprinting on a baby. The whole thing of imprinting makes perfect sense, but why, why, why did he have to imprint on a baby? A half-vampire baby? Surely his wolf-y instincts would be telling him to get away from her, not throw him right into her tiny little arms and have him fall in love with her. I don't get it, it creeps me out, and that's all I'm going to say about it.

As for everything else... I think it was good, it just sort of felt flat to me. All of the good parts seemed to happen intermittently through the book, scattered between barely tolerable sections and parts that, in my opinion, were shoddy. It made for a difficult book to get through, but the conclusion to the saga was almost worth the trouble.

[digitaldreams0801]

Frontiers Unexplored AU: Alitia

The one where I cross over two of my written stories for funsies.

Alitia World Building

Basically, this section catches people up to speed on the basic world building of Alitia in case they haven’t read it. It’s very heavily abridged for the sake of being timely, and better details can be found in Alitia itself on my Archive of Our Own profile.

There are two types of people: mages and leaths. Mages have outward magical abilities that allow them to use magic (duh). Leaths have passive manifestations that give them prodigal strength in a given subject (tactics, swordplay, communication, etc.) and are stronger in that matter than any mage ever could be.

There are two types of magic: Light and Dark. Light is more focused on control and then working up to power while Dark is raw power with less control at first. Mages pick if they want to be Light or Dark when they first start coming into their magical abilities around the age of 16-18. Light has the added ability to heal others while Dark offers access to magic revolving around symbols and glyphs. After becoming particularly strong, Light mages can start using symbols while Dark mages can start healing. It takes a long time to reach this point though. 

Mages and leaths fall into two categories: winged and wingless. Having wings or not changes the way one uses magic both transformed and in civilian form (different regulation of the magical core). Wings are often found in feminine people but gender is fake anybody can have them. This is a choice made at the same time as the Light/Dark decision at roughly age 16-18 and can be both passive and conscious. 

There are exceptions to the binaries of wings and Light or Dark. Shapeshifters lie on the center of the spectrum involving having wings or not since they can change that at will. Shapeshifters are rare and often have a wide range of magical abilities. Light and Dark magic are opposites with Blends (mages with two types of magic rather than one) being between them. Blends are particularly rare (.01% of the population or so) and are known for being inherently powerful from birth.

There are six types of people with these factors taken into account: Mage/Wings/Light: Enchantress Mage/Wings/Dark: Witch Mage/Wingless/Light: Wizard Mage/Wingless/Dark: Cantor Leath/Wings: Heroine Leath/Wingless: Hero

The Millennium Six are schools centered around each of these types of people, and they train the next generation in matters of combat to defend their realms: Alitia: Enchantresses Sacred Heart: Witches Angelwood: Wizards Sierra: Cantors Acadia: Heroines Ridgeview: Heroes

There are two main religions: the Churches of Starlight and Moonlight, named for the creators of the world. The two gods (Starlight and Moonlight) have Keepers that act as modern proxies of their power. Keepers are reincarnated and have the power of their partnered god. Every church is led by a specific archbishop, and the churches take place on the primary planets of the gods (Starlight’s being Amity while Moonlight’s is Enmity). Starlight is essentially light magic while Moonlight is dark magic (same sort of vein as canon Digimon Frontier and Frontiers Unexplored). Keepers can grant Blessings of their power to others. The closest companions of the Keepers earn their places among the Sealed Ones, trusted fighters working for the sake of peace across the universe. Sealed Ones are twelve in number per generation and based on the twelve zodiac signs. They are selected as Sealed Ones when they confirm their resolve to their cause in a moment of immense strife either inwardly or outwardly. Markings of the zodiac signs can be found on the bodies of the Sealed Ones outwardly to show their positions. 

There will be other technical details mentioned below such as planets, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. For now, let’s get into the crap that’s specific to Frontiers Unexplored!

History

The previous Keepers and their respective team of Sealed Ones went off to battle against one of the darkest forces known to recent history: Luce. He was once a powerful sage working for both the Churches of Starlight and Moonlight to keep the peace throughout all realms, but he turned away from both of them after gaining too much power and allowing it to go to his head. He came to view living creatures as beneath him, prompting him to turn against the light and start to advocate for nothing short of complete destruction. 

The Keepers and their Sealed Ones marched towards Luce, intent on killing him to save the world. In the end, the team managed to seemingly destroy Luce, but in a final blast at the hands of Luce, the team was wiped out. The Keepers and their Sealed Ones were all killed in one fell swoop, leaving behind no protectors for the universe. The Keepers were reincarnated into a new generation, and Luce was widely presumed to be dead. 

The Keepers and the Sealed Ones are named after the Ancient Warriors of Frontiers Unexplored. The previous Keeper of Starlight was Garuru while the previous Keeper of Moonlight was Sphinx, for example. The final two were Wizard and Silphy of Cosmos and Energy respectively (since those two are original Digimon and only appear in FU). 

Koji Minamoto: Keeper and Wizard of Starlight (Light)

Koji is the Keeper of Starlight and a Wizard originating from the planet of Amity. He’s known to be somewhat detached and bitter when it comes to addressing others. He is looked after by the archbishop of the Church of Starlight, Kousei, though the two have a volatile and difficult relationship at best due to Kousei’s emotional immaturity and focus on increasing Koji’s strength. Koji gets along much better with Satomi, a high-ranking priestess of the Church of Starlight and treats her as his confidant. He struggles to make connections with others because of how isolated he was from the world growing up, a byproduct of Kousei’s obsessive protectiveness. Rumor has it that Kousei once looked after the previous Keeper of Starlight, Garuru, as well, but their connections ended after an angry confrontation that resulted in much anguish on both sides. Garuru died shortly thereafter, hence Kousei’s difficult treatment of Koji. 

Koji fights with swords in battle, something that he learned at Kousei’s instruction. He came to fight in his own style though, often combining it seamlessly with his Starlight magic. High expectations were placed on him from a young age because of his position as the Keeper, and he came to master his element as quickly as possible as a result. Koji lacks an affinity for healing unlike most other Light mages though, prompting him to be primarily involved with combat during battles. 

Koji is the Sealed One of Scorpio among this generation, and his marking can be found on the back of his right hand. He came to attend Angelwood when he was of age, falling under the category of Wizard because his Starlight magic forces him under the discipline of Light. There, he met Takuya since the two were roommates at school, and despite their frequent butting of heads due to stubbornness, they came to get along well over time. 

Koichi Kimura: Keeper and Cantor of Moonlight (Darkness)

Koichi is the Keeper of Moonlight and a Cantor. He grew up on Enmity and is on the quiet side, choosing to keep to himself more often than not. He was raised by Tomoko, a leath woman and the Archbishop of Moonlight. Tomoko did what she could to shield Koichi from the rest of the world and its cruelty, but because of the turmoil that followed the deaths of the previous Keepers, there was only so much that she could do, leading to Koichi becoming emotionally rundown despite his attempts to put up a facade of peace. He’s on the passive side and has a talent for talking out matters with others, making him well-liked among those that he knows, if not a bit quiet. He can be found reading a lot of the time, using fiction as a way of escaping the harsh reality that awaits just beyond the book’s pages. 

Koichi uses a staff as his preferred weapon, though he tends to use magic more often than not due to being much more proficient in it. He has completely mastered his power despite the raw magic that comes with the Dark practice, and many have stated him to be a Moonlight prodigy, much to his chagrin. He is strong with symbols and glyphs with a special talent for healing as well, something unusual among Dark mages. 

Koichi is the Sealed One of Aquarius. His symbol is located on the back of his left hand. He left for Sierra as per tradition of Keepers, and he met the rest of the group there through inter-school activities among the Millennium Six. He and Koji share a birthday and a common thread of appearance because their predecessors were killed on the same day, leading to them fostering a surprisingly close connection among Keepers. 

Takuya Kanbara: Wizard of Fire

Takuya is the first prince of Etruna and a Wizard of Fire. The Kanbara family looks after Etruna, the world of fire and ice, from its palace on the center of the realm’s halfway mark between the two magical types. Takuya is the older of the two princes, the younger being his brother, Shinya. Despite being a prince set to take the throne one day, Takuya is headstrong and passionate regarding the topic of adventure. He loves the idea of finding a quest all his own and tends to be somewhat reckless in his search of something beyond the status quo. Takuya is a natural-born leader, and he’s close with Chihiro. Because of his role in Chihiro’s departure from Igni’s elite, Takuya is notably protective of them and would do anything to keep them safe. He is charismatic and confident, never yielding in the face of danger for better or worse while still remaining human and relatable to others.

Takuya fights with fire magic above all else, and when he does use physical weapons, he tends to rely on claw attachments to a set of small gauntlets. He prefers to get up close and personal during battle, and his recklessness shows with his proficiency in combat. He’s not the best with healing magic unless he brings the constant activity of his mind to a halt and concentrates on something that desperately requires his attention. 

Takuya is the Sealed One of Leo. His mark can be found on the front of his left shoulder. Takuya roomed with Koji when the two went to Angelwood, and while it took a while for their relationship to iron out its issues, they became rather close. Takuya and Chihiro have remained best friends despite attending different schools among the Millennium Six. 

Tomoki Himi: Wizard of Ice

Tomoki is a Wizard of Ice born on Etruna as a commoner. He is the youngest son out of the Himi family with his older brother being Yutaka. Tomoki’s brother saw few restrictions growing up due to his prodigal status as an ice mage, leading to high expectations being heaped onto Tomoki’s shoulders. On top of that, Yutaka took the power he possessed to be a reason to pick on Tomoki for being inferior, leading to an imbalance of power that had Tomoki abused by his brother throughout his youth. This caused Tomoki to grow up as a sensitive and easily-frightened individual as he struggled to escape the bloodied shadow that his older brother left behind for him. Yutaka’s prodigal status gave him the chance to escape all consequences for his wrongdoing, and while Tomoki’s parents were aware of what Yutaka was doing, they were unable to stand up to him either due to not having magic as strong as his, making them likely targets of Yutaka’s ultimately volatile temper. All of this caused Tomoki to be fragile emotionally, easily overwhelmed and introverted. 

Tomoki’s magic is based in ice, and he has an incredible proficiency over it because of how much he’s pushed himself to practice. He uses axes as well, his way of setting himself apart from Yutaka’s strength in lances and swords. Tomoki is a decent healer as well because of his heavy bias towards using magic in battle. 

Tomoki is the Sealed One of Pisces, and his symbol can be found on his lower back. He tends to hide it where possible because he fears the reaction his brother would have. He and Yumiko became fast friends due to their similar sense of distrust for the world. He’s a year below Takuya and Koji, and he came to admire them both from afar within Angelwood. 

Izumi Orimoto: Enchantress of Wind

Izumi is the oldest princess of Hiloft and an Enchantress with dominion over wind magic. She has come to be idealized as a perfect figure by her people and those who surround her, causing her to develop a strong persona through acting. She is kind and caring but seems to lack any depth, often throwing on a mask to keep people from finding out about how insecure and self-loathing she truly is. Izumi’s younger sister, Masae, looks up to her immensely, and Izumi is incredibly protective of her, coming to look after her sister after their mother’s death by assassination. Their father is distant due to his work as the king of the realm, causing Izumi and Masae to be heavily dependent on one another. Despite how close they are, Izumi refuses to yield with her practiced mask even around her sister, wanting to be a good role model no matter how much it hurts her in the process. 

Izumi’s weapons of choice are claws similar to what Takuya uses, though she has a heavy bias for her magic. She is a strong healer, though nowhere near as much so as Yumiko or Hinoka. Izumi is a potent fighter and knows how to defend herself, though she hates battle simply for the sake of battle and does it mostly out of a sense of obligation towards those she cares for. 

Izumi is the Sealed One of Cancer with her mark being on her right forearm. She is a student at Alitia who, much like Yumiko, has the potential to be well-liked and popular, though she keeps to herself instead. She is part of the Keepers’ year. 

Junpei Shibayama: Cantor of Thunder

Junpei is a Cantor with the ability to manipulate electricity. He was born on Millennia and grew up there as well. His parents are well-known mages and teachers at the Millennium Six (with his mother teaching at Sacred Heart while his father is part of the Ridgeview staff). Junpei was often bullied throughout his childhood, particularly at the hands of students at the Millennium Six who looked down on him with scorn for struggling with his developing magic. He started to develop a fiery temper as a result, and his spite towards the rest of the world grew incredible and became part of his mindset. Even after Junpei was able to get help to make sure that this stopped, he retained this mindset for better or worse. He is a very polarizing figure in personality, being both overbearingly positive by putting on a mask of endless optimism and notably pessimistic because of his nihilistic views of the world at large.

Junpei’s fighting style revolves around his use of a pair of gauntlets that he has engineered to be able to shift into a ray gun at a moment’s notice. His magic is the most likely to go out of control as a result of his temper issues, leaving his power somewhat unstable and prone to explosion for better or worse. He is strong with glyphs and symbols contrary to what his uncontrollable magic would suggest, a talent he shares with Saki. 

Junpei is the Sealed One Gemini, and his symbol is on his left bicep. He came to be unlikely friends with Saki since they were enrolled at Sierra at the same time, and he was the first person to figure out their mission before they revealed it to the rest of the group. He’s a year older than the Keepers. 

Chihiro Ayumu: Cantor of Earth

Chihiro is a Cantor who was born on the planet of Igni. They have influence over the element of Earth. Their parents were high-ranking noble mages on Igni, a planet known for its discrimination against leaths. During a meeting with the royalty on another planet, Etruna, Chihiro met Takuya, the oldest prince of Etruna. The two got to know one another, and as soon as the chance came, Chihiro used the trip on Etruna to run from their parents, who treated them poorly as a result of their magic taking an unexpectedly long time to manifest in full. Chihiro returned to the palace after their parents left Etruna, and they have been living as an unofficial third sibling of the Kanbara royal line ever since then, making them notably close with both Takuya and Shinya despite their first appearances of bitter defiance towards any who dare to get close to them emotionally. 

Chihiro is physically strong in many ways, resulting in them finding power with many weapons. They can use hammers, axes, and the like well, though their preferred weapon is the gauntlets. Chihiro’s physical strength is unparalleled, and when combined with the raw force that comes with their earth magic, they are a defensive and offensive terror on the battlefield to match their stubborn nature. 

Chihiro is the Sealed One of Aries, and their marking can be found on the back of their left shoulder. They set out for Sierra at the same time as Takuya, and through him, they were able to become fast friends with Koji. It took a bit longer for Chihiro to fall in with Koichi despite attending the same school as him, but they eventually grew to be notably protective of him and the rest of their team. 

Yumiko Mihara: Enchantress of Wood

Yumiko is an Enchantress with the power over Wood, including plant life of all breeds as well as vague abilities regarding life and death. She was born as the princess of Fortunia, a planet known for its traditionalism. Her parents were often detached from her life because of their royal endeavors, and they paired her off with a noble of the planet for an arranged marriage from a young age. Yumiko defied the wishes of her parents, though this only led to continued harassment from both her fiance and the other nobles who sought her attention and the power found in her family. She came to hold reality at arm’s length, keeping it away from her where possible. Yumiko is said to be pleasant at a first glance, a way of defending herself from the rest of the world. She holds quiet scorn towards those who have hurt her, though she masks this as a way of ensuring that she is not infringed upon again in the future. She came to attend classes at Alitia as a way of escaping the plans that her parents had laid out for her since they were dismissive of her pain at best. She left in search of a new start and hopefully companions who she could rely on to not abuse her.

Yumiko is a notably potent healer. She can patch up just about any injury out there, and her healing powers have earned her the title of a prodigy, though she often denies this in favor of fading into the background. Yumiko manipulates plants in battle, often using a magical bow and arrow to further her abilities in combat.

Yumiko is the Sealed One of Taurus with her marking falling across her chest where her collarbones meet. She is a year below the Keepers in classes, putting her in the same class as Tomoki, Mayumi, and Haroi. She tends to keep to the social circle of the rest of the Sealed Ones out of fear of being hurt by others despite her grace and ability to connect emotionally with others. 

Hinoka Sakatami: Enchantress of Water

Hinoka is an Enchantress of water born on the planet of Rivergold, the realm of water. Her mother was of Loduke while her father was from Rivergold. After a messy split between her parents, leaving her mother emotionally unstable, Hinoka moved to Loduke with her mother. There, she found herself suffering because of her closest companion: a boy named Emon. He was the first to accept Hinoka following her move, reaching out to her despite her sticking out for having the notable traits of Rivergold’s people (patches of scaled skin, for example). Emon’s personality soon shifted towards hatred though, and he came to abuse Hinoka by exerting his power over her that came with being her sole source of companionship. After Hinoka and Emon dealt with a toxic relationship of three years, Hinoka was accepted into Alitia, and she went there in search of a fresh start. However, her history remains clear in her demeanor, as she is fidgety, anxious, and soft-spoken unless she feels safe around the people in her vicinity. 

Hinoka fights almost exclusively with magic, and her sole weapon is a staff with a magical gem mounted to the top of it to boost her influence over water. Hinoka is an amazing healer as well, using her staff to augment her natural affinity for helping others. She has notable curiosity towards glyphs as well even if she cannot use them well with magic. 

Hinoka is the Sealed One for Virgo, and her marking can be found on her left ankle. She generally avoids others under most circumstances with Izumi being her first notable friend. Hinoka is in the same year as Junpei and Saki. 

Saki Fushida: Shapeshifter and Blend of Metal

Saki is a shapeshifter and Blend with specific influence over metal. Their magic is highly focused around matters of telepathy and other types of mind magic as well as influencing metal. They have incredible intuition and have been noted by others to be as shady as it gets. Saki is a master at manipulating situations to their every need, and they use this to their advantage to work under Cherubi, Seraphi, and Ophani in the search for Luce. They operate as a spy within the shadows for the sake of the three mages, ever in search of definitive proof that Luce is still alive somewhere. 

Saki was born on Enmity to Wise, one of the Sealed Ones of the previous generation, and their partner. They lived in the Church of Moonlight since Wise was heavily affiliated with Sphinx and acted as the tactician of the Sealed Ones and their Keepers. Roughly one year after Saki’s birth, Wise was killed alongside the rest of the Sealed Ones in the final battle with Luce. Wise’s partner started to investigate, believing that Luce was still alive, only to be struck down during the search. Saki, left orphaned, was ultimately taken in by Cherubi in the chaos that followed. Cherubi, Seraphi, and Ophani were close friends of the Sealed Ones, and the three of them are also convinced that Luce is still alive. Saki grew up in their custody before deciding to use their unorthodox magic to become a spy in search of the truth behind the past. Later, they enroll at Sierra as a Cantor in search of clues that could lead to Luce, keeping their mission secret from all. 

Saki has a varying fighting style because of the fact that they are a Blend. They shapeshift for the sake of their work but are known to take the form of either a masked vigilante known as Lyra or an unnamed dragon. They tend to use mind magic that comes with their shapeshifting abilities often in tandem with metal magic. They are strong with a rapier as well, and this is their weapon of choice. They tend to hide their shapeshifting unless they have to reveal the truth to others, masking as a regular Cantor (since they would only be outed as a Blend if their shapeshifting magic was known). 

Saki is the Sealed One of Capricorn, and their mark is found within their right eye. They hide the symbol with their mask when in the form of Lyra if they aren’t outright using magic to shield it from sight. They are in the same class as Junpei and Hinoka at the Millennium Six (a year above the Keepers).

Mayumi Reiku: Witch of Energy

Mayumi is a Witch with the ability to manipulate energy. She was born as a commoner of Hiloft, a planet known for its wide variety of magical types. Her mother abandoned her and her father when she was young, something her father considers to be a good thing due to her abusive tendencies. Mayumi lived on Hiloft for many years before her father was offered a chance to research the world of N-Yx, a planet with a particularly powerful connection to Moonlight. Mayumi followed with her father, which is where her family settled down with Haroi and his mother. The four became a happy new family with Mayumi becoming notably close with her new stepbrother. Despite the dreary circumstances behind her birth, Mayumi is upbeat and cheerful, easily able to attract the admiration of others. She can be prone to mood swings at times, but her good intentions cannot be denied no matter what. 

Mayumi’s magic is more volatile than most others’ because of her not having much formal training. Her lack of emotional regulation does not help in the slightest, and her mood swings can randomly drain the energy of herself and others if she is not careful. She fights with retractable claws in combat and struggles with matters of glyphs. 

Mayumi is the Sealed One of Sagittarius, and her mark manifests itself on her right calf. She is close with Haroi even though they attend different schools, and she falls within the same year as him, Tomoki, and Yumiko at the Millennium Six. 

Haroi Tsurumaki: Cantor of Cosmos

Haroi is a Cantor with the ability to influence the cosmos. He was born on N-Yx, a realm with heavy ties to Moonlight as a result of its many temples dedicated to magic. His mother is a priestess at one of these temples, and she raised Haroi within them after his father abandoned them. Haroi is naturally a frail young man, causing him to be somewhat secluded due to his inability to leave for long periods of time. He found admiration and whimsy in Mayumi, his stepsister, because of her endless energy and penchant for adventure. Their blended family means everything to Haroi, filling in the gaps of loneliness and yearning that he used to struggle with when growing up with only his mother and those at the temple by his side. Haroi is an introverted yet empathetic young man, highly in tune with the emotions of others despite his quiet demeanor. He is intelligent as well, loving to learn more about magic and how it manifests itself outwardly and passively in mages and leaths. 

Haroi’s weapon of choice is a staff, though he rarely uses it in battle. Instead, he prefers to use his magic when given the option. Haroi’s influence over his magic is impeccable because of the fact that he was raised in an environment meant to boost such strength. He is incredibly potent with symbols and glyphs and researches them when he can. 

Haroi is the Sealed One of Libra, and his symbol can be found on the back of his neck. Haroi is close friends with Mayumi due to their years of connection as siblings before they came to attend classes at the Millennium Six. He shares a year with her and is a year below the Keepers. 

Boko: Hero of Tactics

Boko is an assistant to Seraphi known for his affinity in tactics due to his manifestation. Since Seraphi is a teacher at Angelwood, Boko acts as the librarian of the school. He greatly looks up to Seraphi, and his curiosity is learned from his mentor. Boko was born and raised within Millennium City on Millennia, and he is vaguely aware of Junpei since they are both connected to teachers of the Millennium Six, though the two can hardly be considered close. Boko often looks after Nee, the other assistant of Seraphi, out of obligation to ensure that his friend stays out of trouble. He lacks the ability to fight since he chose to not train in such matters out of choice, preferring to offer tactics from the back of a group of fighters. 

Nee: Hero of Charisma

Nee is Seraphi’s other assistant and a close friend to Boko. His manifestation allows him to easily attract the attention of others through his words, though this is something that he struggles to channel due to how slow he can be on the uptake at times. Nee is notably emotionally intelligent despite this, and he is able to cover the bases that Boko misses in terms of communicating with others. He looks up to Seraphi just like his friend does, though his admiration is much less profound than Boko’s is. Nee is the one person who seems to know how to catch Saki by surprise, likely because of how strangely his brain seems to work in comparison to the strong majority of Saki’s targets within their line of work. 

Seraphi: Wizard of Sun

Seraphi is a teacher at Angelwood and a Wizard with the ability to manipulate light. He received a Blessing of Starlight many years ago from the previous Keeper of Starlight, augmenting his power and making him a fighter to be feared. He, Ophani, and Cherubi work together to make up the Three Angels, a trio of powerful warriors who once worked as allies of the Sealed Ones. He settled down as a teacher after Luce’s supposed defeat, though he thought that Luce was still alive somewhere. From there, he took in Boko and Nee as his apprentices while carrying out secret research into what had truly happened to Luce in the aftermath of the previous conflict. Seraphi is a kind and caring man who seeks only peace, making him a strong mediator in times of turmoil. 

Ophani: Enchantress of Spirit

Ophani is a teacher at Alitia and an Enchantress with the ability to channel foreign types of magic. Her powers allow her to bring in the spirits of deceased souls to temporarily contribute to her magical strength, and she uses this as a way of defending the peace alongside Seraphi and Cherubi as one of the Three Angels. She also received a Starlight Blessing many years ago from Garuru when he was the Keeper. Ophani is a charismatic woman and the unofficial leader of the Three Angels, easily able to pull in the attention of others and use it to her advantage. Her weapon of choice is a spear to contrast Seraphi’s sword and Cherubi’s bow. Ophani rarely takes nonsense from anyone, knowing how to put others in their place without going too far, and she is a terror on the battlefield. 

Cherubi: Cantor of Shadow

Cherubi is a teacher at Sierra and a Cantor who can freely manipulate shadows. He is the final of the Three Angels alongside Seraphi and Ophani, but unlike the other two, he received a Blessing of Moonlight from Sphinx many years ago. While researching Luce’s fall, he learned of what happened to Saki’s parent who did the same thing, and he offered to take in the young Saki soon afterwards. Saki decided to follow in Cherubi’s footsteps to learn more about Luce as a way of avenging the deaths of both of their parents and following in the path they had left behind. Cherubi is somewhat distant and aloof at first, struggling to speak his mind the way that Serpahi and Ophani do. Deep down, he is a kind soul, if not a bit paranoid and prone to bouts of emotion, especially if he believes his protege may be in danger. 

Susanoo: Wizard of Heaven

Susanoo is a figure of pure legend with their last noted appearance being years ago during the final battle against Luce. There is no way of confirming their existence beyond the rumors that have stated that they do exist in some form or another. In truth, they are the manifestation of the Sealed Ones pulling their magic together after fostering a close enough connection as a group. They are an amalgamation of all of the Sealed Ones both in personality and physical appearance, and they bear the symbols of the Sealed Ones scattered across their body in the proper places to match those who have combined to forge them. Their magic is stated simply to be ‘heavenly’ due to blending so many different types of magic, though it lacks an official title. 

Luce: Blend of Heaven and Hell

Luce is a Blend with the ability to fuse both light and darkness together. His magic is polarizing as can be, coming from the far ends of the spectrum of power. His strength is difficult to harness and stated to be highly volatile when placed in the wrong hands. He once found himself in a place of influence due to his natural charisma, but he broke free of that when the power got to his head, and he started to want complete control over others. Luce would go on to try and enforce this power through sheer force, though he was stopped by the Keepers and their Sealed Ones roughly sixteen years ago. However, Luce managed to survive the attack after the Keepers died, and he retreated to restore his power until the time was right. He sought revenge against the new Keepers and Sealed Ones for their predecessors defeating him, and he used immense attacks of magic to figure out who they were before striking. 

Age Guide

This is as of the time that the story starts. 

Tomoki, Yumiko, Mayumi, Haroi: 15 Takuya, Koji, Izumi, Koichi, Chihiro: 16 Junpei, Hinoka, Saki: 17

Plot

The group of twelve come to attend classes at the Millennium Six, each going to their respective schools to match their status of discipline and wing status. They meet in passing but do not get close with one another yet. After the Three Angels uncover information to reveal that Luce is truly alive, they prepare for an attack from him. Rather than being met with Luce himself, the Millennium Six are attacked by waves of magical soldiers made by Luce so that he doesn’t have to face them directly. The main cast is brought together by circumstance through these miscellaneous attacks, and they bond in an unlikely friendship based on their shared experiences. Their Sealed status is revealed along the way, allowing them to play right into Luce’s hands without even knowing that this is part of his plan. Through Saki, they meet the Three Angels, Boko, and Nee. The truth about Luce being alive is revealed, and the group begins to prepare to stop him. They train together, becoming Sealed Ones at their own paces throughout the process. Eventually, they find themselves faced with Luce himself, and in a magnificent battle, they are able to fuse their powers together to become Susanoo and defeat Luce once and for all, retaining their companionship all the way through. 

And that’s about all that I’ve got! I don’t know if I’m going to be coming back to this AU at any point in the future, but for now, I absolutely love this AU. If you haven’t already, pleeeeeease read Alitia and Frontiers Unexplored; they’re both on my Archive of Our Own, and I think that they are very good (and other people do too). I’ll see you for my next big rambling post, but until then, farewell, dear readers!

[doctorroseficreclists]

update: August 2020, part 3

part one | part two

And we’re back for more of this installment of updates from the void. The themes section is large, so it gets a post all to itself.😄

fic rec list masterpost

💘 = adult rating (For longer fics, this likely only applies to some chapters.)

      THEMES: ANGST

Added to Angst: Happy Ending

Always by ThroughanAmberFocus (TenxRose, teen, ficlet)

Auld Lang Syne by @lastincurableromantic (TentooxRose, all ages, short story)

bittersweet by @promisedyouforever (TenxRose, TentooxRose, teen, short story -- both a happy and a not-so-happy ending...)

Added to Angst: Sad Ending

afterimage by @smallblueandloud (ElevenxRose, all ages, ficlet)

It's okay; it's only a dream by OncomingBadWolf (TenxRose, post-DD, all ages, ficlet)

Added to Angst: Very Sad Ending and/or MChD

Absence by rickmaniac01 (TenxRose, adult, character death from old age, post-JE, sort-of-reunionfic, short story)

Echoes by OncomingBadWolf (TenxRose, all ages, character death, Rose falls into the void, ficlet)

End of it all by just_the_doctor (TenxRose, all ages, character death not from old age, short story)

💘 Iuka by @asthewheelwills (Nine, AU, character death not from old age, short story)

     THEMES: REUNION!FIC

Added to ReunionFic: TenxRose

Home for the Holidays by @lastbluetardis (teen, short story, wip)

In Orbit Around You by keep_counting (all ages, short story)

Oh. by Ms Rose M Tyler (all ages, ficlet, humour and cuteness!)

Old Times' Sake by @andrastesgrace (all ages, short story)

💘 Unexpected Outcome by ThroughanAmberFocus (short story, post-JE, timey-wimey)

Unnoticed by @krazy-ky-sta-hatter​ (teen, novella)

Added to ReunionFic: The Doctor Visits TentooxRose

A Toast to the Coming Times by @mariechambers (teen, angsty timey-wimeyness, short story)

Looking Back by @mrv3000​ (Eleven visit, family mentions, short story)

Visitor by @jaydelahaye (Twelve visit, family!fic, part of series, short story)

Added to ReunionFic: The Doctor Crosses Rose's Timeline (goes into Rose's past to see her)

💘 The Horizon Hides You in Vain by @elialys (multiera, novella)

       THEMES: THIS SHIP SAILS FOREVER

Added to Soulmates

Clocks and Fates by @doctor-who-hears-a-horton (TenxRose, human au, all ages, short story)

Fibonacci Moon by @khaelisfics (TenxRose, human au, all ages, short story)

Footprint by RyanW (TenxRose, TentooxRose, teen, in canon, ficlet)

The Prophecy by @whatwecanfic (TentooxRose, all ages, short story)

take my hand (hold on forever) by @perfectlyrose (NinexRose, all ages, in canon, ficlet)

Added to Telepathic Bond

Dark Is the Way, Light Is a Place by @rudennotgingr (TenxRose, teen, short story)

Added to Weddings & Proposals

Typical by Goldy and @mrv3000 (TentooxRose)

THEMES: BABY!FIC

Added to Baby!Fic: TenxRose

Half Yours by @fantastiqueolicity (kidfic, all ages, ficlet)

Added to Baby!Fic: TentooxRose

💘 Accelerated Development in Cross-Genetic Biological Offspring of a Metacrisis by LVB (crack, short story)

Building a Family by @emkaywho (short story)

Care For Your Series by McInstry (series)

First Comes Love, Then Comes Carpet, Next Comes... by @rudennotgingr

Hold it all when I hold you by sapphire_child

Life by Vanderslice

The Measure of the Year by @lastbluetardis

Serendipity by wishiknewwho

        THEMES: HURT/COMFORT

Added to Hurt/Comfort: Illness or Injury

💘 Apple Market by amandarex (TenxRose, short story)

As Though of Hemlock I Had Drunk and sequel And So Live Ever by haveloved (TenxRose, short story)

Hypochondria in Metacrisis by @tkross (TentooxRose, teen, short story)

Added To Hurt/Comfort: Mental Illness or Breakdown

Synapses Burning by isawthephoto / @orbitingasupernova​ (Ten, AU, lighter, cw for dv)

Added to Hurt/Comfort: Nightmares, Ten & Tentoo

Torn Away From You by Aapicula (TentooxRose, short story)

Added to Hurt/Comfort: The Doctor Thinks Rose Is Dead

💘 Out of Time by @aintfraidanoghosts (TenxRose, short story)

       THEMES: HISTORICAL

Added to Historical: Western

How the west was won. by orange_crushed (TenxRose, au, short story)

      THEMES: FANDOM & CROSSOVERS

Added to Five Times Fic

all my love was down in a frozen ground (Five times the Doctor and Rose got caught out in a snowstorm....(and one time they didn't.)) by Mellaithwen (Ten, Tentoo, short story, teen)

The First Time (Five times the Doctor doesn't sleep with Rose Tyler (and one time he does.)) by @professorspork (Nine, Ten, Tentoo, short story, all ages)

Five Fairy Tales by @fantastiqueolicity​​ (multidoctor, all ages, short story)

Five Kisses Before the Parting of the Ways by @fantastiqueolicity​​ (Nine, short story, all ages)

Five times John Smith & Rose Tyler saved each other from getting doused, and one time they didn't by @kilodalton​ (Ten, short story, AU, teen)

Five Times the Tylers Were on a Celebrity Special of a Shitty Reality Show by @shinyopals (Tentoo, humour, short story, all ages)

Added to Crossovers

Respite (The Unquiet Dead) by @kaydeefalls (Nine, Firefly)

      THEMES: DOCTOR-RELATED

Added to Fem!DoctorxRose

Study Date by orphan account (ficlet, teen, au, Fem!TenxRose)

       THEMES: ROSE-RELATED

Added to BadWolf Rose

Return Of The Wolf by @sunniebelle (short story, all ages, JE fixit)

A Wolf at Her Heels by LiraelClayr007 (short story, all ages, JE fixit)

Added to DimensionHoppingRose/Rose in Pete's World

Born on Bad Wolf Bay by @asthewheelwills (post-DD, all ages, ficlet)

stolen hours by @perfectlyrose (SixthxRose, all ages, short story)

Added to Rose Is the Doctor

Looking Glass by @oodlyenough (TenxRose, all ages, short story)

💘 Walk a Mile in the Doctor's Sandshoes and The Wandering Wolf by Lordban (TenxRose, both novels, some adult chapters) ~thanks for the rec, @elinkamag!

Added to Rose & Gallifrey

A New Journey by GroovyKat (Ten, Tentoo, Eleven, novel)

Added to Rose's Past: Jimmy Stone

💘 Dark and Light by @asmilelikestarlight (tenxrose, adult for non-con discussion, short story)

That Extra Bit of Effort by @rosetyleraintstraight (tenxrose, teen, novella, au)

[yyuangss-main]

❝four : the phantom troupe❞

A week from then, you were out on the streets with Killua for his work study. The Midoriya brothers were together and they were somewhere in Hosu busing themselves.

While Killua spoke to the police about a criminal they caught, a beeping sound went off on the wrist band that wrapped around your wrist. You brought it up to your face, seeing that it said you’d received a new email. You clicked on it, the email displaying in the similar form of a telegram.

“I thought that activated your suit.” Killua said, looking at the black nanotech outfit layering your body featuring lavender lines that came from your neck, past your shoulders and hips, and all the way to your feet. Even the boots had their own hints of lavender.

“You forget Melissa Shield made this.” You responded, knowing he currently rolled his eyes. “Killua, I’m going to have to send you back to U.A.”

“What? Why?” Killua’s brows furrowed. “We literally just got here.”

“I know. But I have somewhere to be. I’ll talk to Nezu and try to get you out for my night patrol.” You placed a hand on his shoulder. Killua sighed, muttering a fine against his will. You opened a portal to the dorms. The white haired boy stepped through, sending a salute and wishing you good luck.

You sighed, rolling your neck.

“This better be worth my time, Kurapika.” You muttered under your breath. In the telegram like email, the chain hero said he wanted you to come to his agency. Kurapika named his after his fallen clan, the Kurta Agency. You never went inside or had even been invited by Kurapika to go in. You managed to teleport somewhere near it and walk the rest of the way.

Entering the large glass doors, people rustled around. Must be his employees, you thought. You trotted over to the receptionist, thankful no people recognized you right away.

“Excuse me ma’am.” She looked up. “I’m—”

“Ah! Copycat!” She cut you off. “Mr. Kurapika has you on his list. Follow that man over there with the white and grey suit.” She pointed to the back of a blonde haired man.

“Thank you.” You bowed your head, jogging in the direction of the mysterious man. “Pardon me sir, but the receptionist told me to follow you? Are you going to Kurapika’s meeting too?” His head jolted in your direction and plastered a giant smile.

“Why yes!” His thumb pressed the elevator button. “You’ll be going too I assume?”

“Yes.”

“Oh good! Go ahead.” He extended his arm out once the doors opened. You whispered a thank you, stepping into the elevator followed by the man. He pressed the fiftieth floor and placed both his hands behind his back. He kept his mouth shut, humming to the elevator music. “Wait a minute, aren’t you the number five hero Copycat?” You swore you saw stars twinkle beside his smiling cheeks.

“Uh yes. That’s me.” You beamed back to be polite. He was odd. But you knew you’d seen his face before. Was he even a hero? “And you are?”

“I’m Pariston Hill.” He placed a hand on his chest. “You might have heard about the Zodiacs? We also go by Zodiac Twelve.” He leaned his face down, attempting to make eye contact with you. The group name rang a bell, you couldn’t pin point from where.

“Sounds familiar.” You balanced yourself on the tips of your toes. The uncomfortableness grew but lowered at the same time. “You’re part of them?”

“Me and a few others.” Pariston said. “It’ll be an honor working with you if that’s the case.” He gave an eye closed smile, adding a soft laugh.

“Same here.” You faked a smile. ‘I should have just asked for the room and took the stairs.’

Pariston continued his questions. They were about Plus Ultra Agency, how it was like to work with Deku, how does your quirk work, and who was your role model. Things you really wished not having to answer. A ding indicated you’d arrived at the correct floor.

“Let’s hurry! Don’t want to miss anything Kurapika has to say!” Pariston held out his arm for you to take. Be nice, you whispered in your mind. You looped your arm around his and he patted your hand. Pariston’s shoes clicked on the glossy marble floor. A long narrow sitting room directed you and Pariston to the supposed meeting room. “Whose child is that?” He raised an eyebrow.

The child in a distance happened to be Gon. There was a tic mark on his forehead, anger radiating off him with his arms crossed. He let out a loud groan, throwing his head back and hitting it on the wall.

“Ouch!” He rubbed the back of his head.

“Careful Gon.” You smiled, catching his attention. He gave a meek wave, focused on his head to stop hurting. ‘That means Izuku must be here.’

Gon continued to say ‘Ouch, ouch,’ while Pariston held open the door for you. You stepped in. Several heroes sat at the stone table, the letters K and C carved in it. You scanned to find Izuku, who was nearest to the door. An empty seat on his right side while Todoroki sat on his left.

“I didn’t know you’d be here.” You told your partner. Midoriya’s green eyes met yours.

“I didn’t either.”

“Shoto.” You sent him a nod when you sat down. Todoroki did the same thing, saying you hero name instead. Sero, Kirishima, Bakugo, Kaminari, and Yaoyorozu were here too. You were surprised to see Bakugo in normal clothing. His cheeks were flushed red and it creeped up to his forehead. ‘Wonder if he’s okay.’

“I’m so sorry Kurapika.” Pariston’s voice boomed. He towered over the chain hero, “But Ging won’t be coming. He said it was too short of a notice and would like to be informed earlier next time.” At the mention of Ging, you and Todoroki saw Midoriya tense up. Including the not so sneaky glance Bakugo gave.

“Then I trust you will tell him this information. Ging is a valuable asset.” Kurapika responded. “Take a seat Pariston. We’ll begin shortly.” A couple of more heroes showed up to fill the empty seats.

“Are we all ready?” Kurapika clasped his hands together. Chords of approval made his next words, “Good. I’ve called you all here today because I truly believe you twenty can help me on my mission.”

He stepped back, reaching for a small remote and pressing a button.

“If you know me, you know my life long mission is to take down a gang called the Phantom Troupe.” Kurapika’s first picture was a man with a cross tattoo in the center of his forehead. His hair cascaded down his sides. He had a weird type of blue earrings, reminding you of a light bulb. There was a cut on his right cheek.

“So, they really do exist?” Asked Cheedle, a member of the Zodiacs. She had the appearance of a dog and her circle glasses suited her face.

“Many people claim they do not. But I can assure you, they can conceal their presence. Only a few have seen them and lived.” Kurapika answered. “I have never shared my information of the Troupe. For the longest, I convinced myself I could fight them alone. An incident that went on last week made me realize I couldn’t.”

Bakugo coughed, not in a way to catch attention but in a serious fever cough. Sero patted Bakugo’s back. Bakugo wiped his mouth with his sleeve.

“Keep going, chain freak.” He crossed his arms.

“Our first topic is discussing the members, what I know of them, and what they look like.” Kurapika motioned to the picture. “First, we have Chrollo Lucilfer. He is the leader. Chrollo’s quirk allows him to steal another quirk. He can use the stolen quirks whenever he wants.” You watched Bakugo tighten his jaw.

‘Chrollo must be the one who took Bakugo’s quirk.’ You thought. You took mental notes of what Kurapika said about Chrollo. According to Kurapika, his danger level was a nine out of ten.

“Next, we have Uvogin. Some call him Uvogin the Beast because he has enhanced super strength.” A picture of a man who reminded you of a werewolf. His skin tone was darker than Chrollo’s. He had side burns and full grey hair. “He is the eleventh member. Uvogin’s kills are merciless. He and Chrollo were at the incident of last week I briefly spoke about.”

‘Did Uvogin destroy the whole building himself or did Chrollo help him?’ You spun a little on the wheelie chair, knocking into Midoriya’s seat.

“On the danger scale, Uvogin is a ten. Next, we have Hisoka Morow. Alias, Hisoka the Magician.” A side profile of a man whose red fuchsia hair would be the center of attention. If his interesting make up didn’t exist. A pink star adorned his cheek. “His quirk is unknown. Hisoka is the fourth member. Danger level, ten as well.”

‘He doesn’t seem so bad. I should still listen to what Kurapika said.’

The next picture was a man with long black hair. Kurapika said he knew nothing about him, only that he cared a sword. He mentioned a few more names. Franklin Bordeou, Phinks Magcub, and Shizuku Murasaki were the rest who he had their full names. The ones where he only knew their first name were Feitan, Shalnark, Machi, Pakunoda, and Kortopi.

“Did everyone understand or do I need to go over again?” He said. No one chose the latter option. “Very well. Let’s continue on the second part.” Kurapika held two fingers up.

He shut the screen off and left the remote on the table.

“I have figured out what I want everyone to do or take part of. But, this all depends on you Copycat.” You heart beated against your chest.

“What?”

“Everyone else was easy to fit in a section. But your quirk makes you available for anything. I have four options.” He now held up four fingers. “I will tell you the four. You will choose one of the options. Which ever option you choose determines what the roles for everyone else here will be.”

You swallowed. Suddenly, you weren’t enjoying the attention on you. What if the option you choose ruined it all for the rest?

“Don’t worry. Each option has a one hundred success rate to work.” Kurapika said. “Are you ready to hear them?”

VILLAINS

❝When a vicious gang called the Phantom Troupe takes away the quirk of Katsuki Bakugo, Ground Zero, heroes around do their best to protect him and ones in training. They call you in and give you four different options that give you four different outcomes.❞

TAGLIST IS OPEN! SEND AN ASK, A COMMENT, OR DM TO BE ADDED! STRIKETHROUGH MEANS I CAN’T TAG YOU!

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