#I also just wish i was like a better friend because no doubt my anxieties have made me a shitty friend | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

charmedreincarnation · 9 months

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Hey guysss! A lot of people have been asking for me to make a challenge for a while now. I honestly didn’t want to, not because I’m against them or anything but because the law will be different for everyone. Sometimes, it feels like tumblr needs a reminder - you are the only person who knows what you need to do to succeed. I wish I could imprint this realization on everyone's minds. I’ve also gotten so manyyyy asks about things that genuinely just feel like your doubts repeating in your mind constantly so I’m gonna talk abt my beliefs bc y’all are spiraling really hard. I get it you want your desires for Christmas and new years. It’s okay take a breath, you're alive and will be okay.

Firstly: at the beginning I used to spend countless time spiraling into depression, constantly changing my methods every time I saw a new success story, and every time I found a new foolproof' tumblr method. Methods that were supposed to guarantee results in a day so when they didn’t I felt rlly useless. It was annoying, to say the least, and I don’t want to help others do the same thing, but really all I can do is reiterate what I always say and hope you apply it to everything!!

A lot of you guys wanted something that didn’t involve the void state, so that’s what this will revolve around! But feel free to make this void orientated if you desire, and I’ll also add a void section so all my babies can eat!

Ok so you’ve over consumed, you have dropped the void, and now have switched to just assuming and knowing that you would wake up with your dream life - embracing states. Great! At first, it will seem like you're doing nothing but you aren’t! For example, I knew I was dwelling in the state of wish fulfilled when I went to work without shedding tears, when I looked in the mirror and didn't think I was ugly because, well, I'm beautiful! I didn't care abt not performing well on a test because I could revise my past etc. this isn’t to say ignore the 3D: don’t do that, please try and make sure you’re safe and okay. But know life is malleable. Slowly, things that used to bother me—my parents, grades, anxiety, self-deprivation—started to fade away. Even though my dream life hadn't reflected in my 3D yet, I felt the switch. That's when I decided, I know what to do.

I also remember finding this cute website a long time ago that I want to share that summarizes it in such a great and simple way.

So Before I knew or understood what LOA was, I found this gem of an article on I am Love'- "How To Shift Into A State & Stay There". I think I have a post abt it somewhere on my blog but I’m too lazy to find it so here it is again.

Basically it explains that the essence of shifting into a desired state and staying there. What resonated with me was her choice to dwell in the state of knowing that her desires are hers, no matter what.

The way she used colloquial language made the content relatable and easy to understand. It's like having a conversation with a friend who's guiding you through hard concepts with “dumbed down” language because at the beginning states made 0 sense to me.

Posts like this really helped me particularly because when I discovered Neville, it required three attempts on my part to not only intellectually grasp his teachings, but also to truly comprehend him as a whole, given his non-contemporary speaking tbh.

I recommend it if you find yourself stuck or not really grasping the law yet (which is more than okay) but, if you're looking to understand the loa better or just learn more give this article a read.

There’s also a particular quote from Neville that really got me to dive into his work after finding this article and it was- “The being that you really are, descended to the weakness of the flesh, causing you to experience the state you are now in. Contemplate another state, and the same being who brought your present form into being will restore and make alive the other state, the state desired. This he will continue to do until his purpose is fulfilled. That purpose is to follow a certain pattern back into the unity of being. You see, in the beginning we were drafted. We did not volunteer to fall into these states. We were made subject into futility, not willingly but by the will of him who sent us. But when we return we will discover that we are the very being who subjected us. We are now the sons, destined to return as God the Father!”

Now that you understand and are ready to apply state, Here’s a routine I’ve created to hopefully help you guys! It is very simple and not time consuming at all.

Scripting and writing: I love writing and feeling like the author of my own story, literally bringing my creation to life. I would write when I felt like it. Whenever I wanted to dwell in my state, I would simply write, "I have my dream life." It's so simple, yet it embodies everything I need. If you’re more of a picture girl, use Pinterest instead. Or both if you prefer it doesn’t matter.

Edward arts' "I am creator meditation": Again, do this whenever you like it. It's one of the few meditations that didn't bore me to death and seemed to work with my ADHD. I also love reading, so I would read his pdf whenever I felt like it and take mental notes. Reading his work was a reminder I was doing everything right, it resonated with me very well.

During doubt and overstimulation: When things get overwhelming, close your eyes and let the emotions pass. They’re just thoughts! repeat the words "I am" until your heart returns to its normal rhythm. It's a simple yet powerful way to ground yourself amidst the whirlwind of emotions. And guess what? You can use this technique for doubt too! So the next time you're feeling overwhelmed, remember the power of "I am". It's a gentle reminder of your existence, your resilience, and your capability to be whatever you want despairs any emotional turmoil.

Thank god: (yourself!!) When reminded of your desires. Thank you god. When you see your desires, (eg:Pinterest, online or you’re just reminded) thank you god! When you see an image of your desires, thank you god! When you dream or think about your desires. Thank god! Always thank the person fulfilling it aka you ;)! If you’re religious just thank the god you actually follow.

Nightly reflections: At night, ask yourself , "What would I do if I woke up in my dream life right now?" repeat this question throughout the night. Then, imagine whatever scene you want. What would you do if you could not fail? What would you do if you had all the money in the world right now. What if you looked in the mirror and saw the most ethereal being and it’s just you? What about if you woke up in your dream house with your dream family and pets? This is inspired by one of the first shifting methods I created that helped me fulfill my imagination before I knew what that meant. When you’re ready to sleep just remind yourself it is done, and drift off into your desires.

As I've always said, I've been a great daydreamer. I knew exactly what I wanted my life to look and feel like. I envisioned my walk-in closet filled with luxurious outfits, waking up in my dream room on a soft mattress with my pets purring nearby. I saw the decor reflecting my personality in every corner of my large, and pretty room. I imagined walking into my bathroom, seeing all my cool Sephora products lined up for my skincare and shower routine. I love taking care of myself because I know I deserve it. I saw myself looking in the mirror, knowing I'm "that girl" who turns heads wherever she goes.I visualized going downstairs in my boujee dream house,and seeing my family stress-free, smiling, and eating well. I saw plans being made on my phone, my friends were excited to see and talk to me. I went to my kitchen, filled with expensive ingredients ready for me to cook meals for my loved ones - because I love cooking. I saw myself checking my bank account and seeing multiple seven figures in my savings, checking, and investment accounts and opportunities easily presenting myself to make more if I wanted. I saw myself running errands in my car, shopping, getting Starbucks, having expensive lunch with friends, and making a trip to Target. Despite the simplicity of the day, I would come home and be like, "Ugh, what a long day!"like that one khloe kardashian meme. What if all this happened today? Visualize and feel the scenes so clearly that it felt like it's already happening.. not just in your imagination.

Most importantly: Define the law for you! Stop parroting bloggers and intertwine your own beliefs with the law. The only principle of the law is that through persistence assumption will harden into a fact. Other than that anything goes except for facts that are wrong.

Here’s old notes I found in my phone lol just so you know what I mean by define the law for you: ignore the writing I was kinda dumb and new to the law 😭😭

Now this is for my void babies if you made it this far.

Read this post.

This is it copied bc the links are wonky sometimes

“My previous method is based on the persistent assumption, which a lot of people don’t know how to do right and it might take some time even for those who have the right self-concept and the mindset, so today I was in the process of manifesting this method.

And I was successful!

This method is for everyone. It’s the easiest Void method.

Do you know that you get into the Void state at night automatically? At that time the whole perceived world disappears for you. Every single perception and assumption you have disappears while your consciousness in the calm and natural Void state.

Use it to your advantage. Now that you know about the Void that you enter when you sleep, the perfect state to manifest anything that you wish to perceive, with no “resistance”, no illusions of annoying solid things around, you only need to remember your scripted starting point in your DR and practice watching it all coming out of the Void.

Practice that scene with your eyes closed, say to yourself:”That is what I perceive. Next time I’m in the Void, I’ll experience this”. You won’t even need to be fully aware of yourself that way when you get into the Void while you are asleep. Your subconscious would do all the work as it now would have the instruction and a clear image of you expecting it.

Personal experience: as I was receiving information on this method, I almost stepped into my DR! I wasn’t even in the absolute void state, I was only creating the scene for this method and I felt it materialise with my senses!

I have great feeling that it’s going to give fast results for others! Try it, teach your subconscious what it needs to bring forth while in the Void, let it do your work for you!”

Lastly, I’m gonna talk abt my beliefs real quick bc the fear of shifting vs manifesting makes me sad for y’all. I understand you don’t wanna leave behind the people you love and that’s not fear to feel ashamed of having! I personally hate the npc mindset a lot of have people have adopted. The only thing we know for sure is that assumptions create realities, and consciousness is the real reality. Everything else boils down to assumptions, except for principles. For example, shifting is not lucid dreaming, even if you assume it to be. That is the principle. I’m just going to copy what I told my mutal bc I’m lazy and need to finish Christmas stuff 😭😭 but Our imagination and the 4D realm are products of our consciousness, which is indeed real. Our view of reality is shaped by our consciousness, since we can't experience everything all at once.

Unless, of course, you shift into a super omnipotent god. Even then, you’d probably still struggle with the concept of infinity because, well, infinity is infinite. And it’s constantly a never exnding expansion. As humans, we're finite beings, and our understanding of the infinite is naturally limited. Because you can’t and won’t ever experience everything at once, infinity is always expanding. Our awareness can be thought of as fragments of consciousness; it's like being a drop of water in a massive ocean. Even though our perception is limited, the infinite is always there, always existing. We simply adjust our awareness to perceive this infinite reality.

And through our consciousness, we are able to tap into other realities or 'multiverses', which give us a broader understanding of existence. This exploration of consciousness and the multiverse is a significant part of my journey into the world of manifestation.

The law of consciousness explains why, when you "shift" or change your perspective, you don't physically move. It's all about altering your state of awareness. This is also why time doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. You can become aware of any time or day you want, as long as you choose to be aware of it. It's like having a mental time machine. This law is why infinite universes exist. As long as you can be aware of it, you can assume and embody the state of that person. Whether that's someone with a billion dollars on Earth, or a person who lives in the Attack on Titan world, it's all about your awareness.Our awareness is just a fragment of the larger consciousness – hence the idea of the multiverse. Each universe is a different fragment, a different state of awareness. And we have the power to “shift” into any of these states, therefore shifting into any of these universes.

I’m telling you this bc there’s no need to be afraid of manifesting or being in a reality with robotic versions of the people you love. Ariana grande and Marilyn Monroe for example talk about loa without acknowledging it and we see their success. Neville Goddard and his followers saw each other’s manifestions and I manifest for my friends and they mnaifest for me.

Take a deep breath and let go of the tik tok clone mindsets y’all have they don’t exist. You can manifest and assume anything you want in your imagination. Y’all literally want to manifest things like millions of dollars, revising deaths, living in new countries, having immorality in your waiting rooms, and never aging which is all possible of course. So be for real, why assume and know that you can achieve all that, but it won't manifest exactly how you want? I've also wondered about what happens to the "old version" of people when they manifest their dream life. As far as I'm concerned, they dont exist because you choose not to be aware of them.

I really want to talk about this too, as I've received similar questions and, oh my god, I thought I was alone. I've always been a bit delusional and lived in my head, but when I became conscious of the law, did anyone else feel a sense of self-embarrassment? I don't know what that was, but I'd genuinely feel my soul wanting to throw up envisioning my desires that aren't mine, even though I've always been a daydreamer. It's kind of like when you feel you can't have them or it's strange to envision yourself with something you can't have, so you just purge yourself. 😭

I was thinking back to why that happened and laughing at myself because we need to be serious right now. Why are you getting sick by your own mind? Imagine if Van Gogh, anytime he pulled out a canvas and held a brush, was jump-scared by the brush. Picture him holding out the brush and just staring at the canvas crying because "well, the painting is going to suck 😐," "I don't know what to paint☹️☹️," "I already know it won't be like what I envision in my head 😡😡." Like, bro, the canvas is blank, just fucking paint. That’s why I really like his quote that's like...

“If you hear a voice within you say you cannot paint, then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” So If you’re scared of failing, if you’re scared of your desires, or scared of how it will come to fruition, for that reason alone is more so to and manifest it anyways.

But happy holidays guys! make some tea, scroll through Pinterest, read a good book and watch some Christmas films and remember if you can imagine/think your desires you can embody them bc where are you getting it from??

Here are some helpful documents I have read plus a cute vid I saw on insta reels : (let me know if the links are being weird)

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#law of assumption #manifesation #manifesting #void state #my asks

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sunflowergraves · 1 year

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Unpacking Will Solace’s Character

I’ve seen a lot of Will Solace hate since TSATS and it’s really starting to bother me. As a person that relates heavily to Will’s character, it’s upsetting to see him get bashed across the internet, especially considering we’ve never actually gotten to know his character. Personally, I feel like a lot of people are basing his character around headcanons and fanfiction (which I am guilty of) and were disappointed when he wasn’t who we saw him as.

It doesn’t help that the only time we got to see Will’s POV it was short and through the eyes of others. He’s also not this big hero like all the characters in the PJO universe. His powers aren’t that strong, he’s not a prophecy child, and his talents are mediocre. Will is the most human demigod we’ve ever been introduced to. I can understand why his character doesn’t feel multi-dimensional compared to everyone else, but in my opinion, he was fleshed out very well.

Yes, there are a few things I was disappointed by. I wish they talked about Will’s past more and his grief over his dead siblings. I wanted him to have his own weapon, even if it was an old bow he never used or a lyre like Apollo used in TOA. But I will always love that they changed him from the calm, collected counselor healer to an anxious, depressed, self-doubting person because it fits him so well. How could he not feel these things after losing friends and family? After being abandoned by everyone around him? Or being forced to take on the caretaker role of the entire camp because he was the only one left?

I’m going to continue this down below, so if you don’t want major spoilers for TSATS, don’t continue reading. Also this is long as hell in case you just want to skim.

Every time Will was mentioned in the books, it was from someone else’s POV and it was a few lines at best.

Will has always been described as the cool, relaxed, go-with-the-flow type of guy. He was the person with a level head and knew exactly what to do. But guess what? Underneath that cool exterior was an anxiety riddled people pleaser who threw himself at every problem because that’s what he was told to do. The Apollo cabin was always the head medic team. After Lee and Michael died, Will was basically thrust into that position of power. He was trusted to take care of his younger siblings, trusted to take care of the entire camp. If he let them down, it was going to cost lives. Of course he’s going to be scared and nervous, but he can’t show that. Would you want a doctor with shaky hands and sweat running down their neck? Would you want to be taken care of by a person who doubted and second guessed themselves out in the open?

As someone who was given a lot of responsibly and forced to grow up at a young age, I completely understand this. You want to try to make everything better for others around you, you get scared when you fuck up, and you HATE when people can’t rely on you. That’s why you will never show how scared you are to fuck up. You will never let people get inside your head because if they can’t rely on you, what good are you? Breaking out of the role that everyone else gave you because they trusted you is scary and hard.

Nico is probably the only person who knows what Will really thinks. Will trusts Nico with his anxiety and overthinking because he’s comfortable enough around him to show that side. He knows he doesn’t have to Mr. Hero in front of Nico and that’s such a precious and important bond to make with someone.

Will was valid for being whiny and irritated for most of the book.

First, Will has ANXIETY. If you don’t know what it’s like to live with anxiety, count yourself lucky. It feels like your thoughts are attacking you constantly. It’s like an uphill battle between rational thought and absolute chaos. I can’t get in my car without thinking of all the ways I could die before I buckle my seatbelt. Imagine going to SuperHell for the first time in your life! Not only that, but people told Will constantly that as a child of Apollo he was basically fucked. The three strongest demigods that made it back almost went insane! Of course Will is going to be upset, irrational, irritated, and uncomfortable.

In TOA, he voiced several times how he thought it was a bad idea and that he really didn’t like it. This is not a new thing for Will’s character at all. For him to be willing to cross a line he had made concrete shows that he loves and cares for Nico. But that shouldn’t mean he isn’t allowed to be uncomfortable.

Second, for anyone saying he could have stayed at camp instead of going has never sacrificed their comfort for someone else. There are so many instances in my life where I went way out of my comfort zone because I knew my friends/family wanted me there. Did I complain? Hell yes. Did I still do it? Hell yes! If Will had said, “Nico, I can’t do this and I refuse to at least try,” I would have lost so much respect for his character. Instead he sucked it up, even when he was already practically dying before they got there.

Three, Will was worried about Nico. He’s never experienced Tartarus, he’s never been to the Underworld. While Will has definitely faced his share of demons, he’s never stood in Nico’s shoes. So when his boyfriend is having vivid nightmares and hearing voices, he’s going to try and rationalize it for Nico because that’s what he has done his entire life. Will is the “healer.” He is supposed to fix things, not let them traipse off to hell like it’s a vacation spot.

Four, this is a 15 year old. Fuck, even now at the ripe ole age of 20, I’d still be shaking in my boots terrified at the thought of going somewhere that is practically a jailhouse for the worst creatures in creation. Will has little to no experience on the field (He ran from six guards without even trying to pull out a weapon. The worst thing he’s ever said to his enemies was “anemic loser” and didn’t even want to kill Octavian. Every battle before that he had an older sibling to look up to and care for him). So yeah, I’d just be a tad bit nervous and annoying.

Will asking Persephone how to love someone from the Underworld was honest and raw.

This scene broke me in ways I can’t even describe because of how real it felt. If you’ve ever been in a deep and caring relationship (friendship counts) you should understand. Like Persephone said, love is something you choose and it’s complicated and messy even for people who were practically made for each other. For Will to ask how to love someone from the Underworld shows that he is actively choosing to understand and love Nico.

I get that most people interpret Will’s lines as “How do you love someone so filled with death?” but really he’s asking how do you love someone who acts like he doesn’t want to be loved? How do you love someone that pulls away from your light no matter how desperately you try to give it them? How do you love someone who hides parts of themselves from you?

Will is a healer, he fixes things. It’s not until this scene that Will realizes the only thing Will needs to fix is his perspective on Nico. That darkness and hurt and trauma is okay. It’s also a scene where Will realizes he doesn’t have to force down his own trauma anymore.

Will loves Nico and it’s so obvious he scared to lose him. He thinks he’s weak and broken and incapable of helping Nico escape his trauma. His insecurities shadow him and he’s confused about how to navigate this relationship because he thinks he needs to be the leader. How can he lead if Nico won’t let him? How can he help when he doesn’t know how? Persephone’s scene was Will’s chance of finding guidance from someone who could understand exactly what he’s thinking

People in their late 40′s still can’t get relationships down. Why are we pushing unrealistic relationship ideations on a 15 year old who doesn’t even know who he is yet?

Will was not useless.

Sorry that the relationship duo isn’t Mr. Badass and Mr. Badass 2.0. Will not being a fighter is refreshing to see because honestly I’m quite tired of seeing badass couples in every book/movie. Not everyone is strong and powerful and super awesome. Will is a nerd that likes healing people. Why isn’t that enough?

“He’s described as having muscles,” “He’s a field/combat medic,” “He fought in the wars,” “He carries people all the time,” “He trains with the Apollo cabin.” Okay and? I was raised to work hard and protect myself. I work out and I know how to use a bow and knife. Does that mean I want to? No.

I’d also like to point out that almost everyone in camp is described as having muscles. You kind of have to when your life motto is Try not to die or get eaten. Also they train on lava walls, jump eight foot pits, and weapons. I get a little bit of muscle going on my silly little walks, I’d be fucking jacked if I was actively training.

Second, Will has never once been described fighting monsters/demigods. I don’t doubt that he’s had a few encounters, but the boy practically specializes in RUNNING AWAY. He’s a feral little animal that finds injured demigods and sprints them away to the medic center while occasionally bashing monster heads in. He’s strong because he needs to be, not because he wants to be. Strength also doesn’t equal battle prowess.

Not to mention, he hates killing! He didn’t want to kill Octavian despite Octavian being the actual worst. He runs away as a distraction even though he had weapons on him. He got upset when Nico threw Sherman Yang out of the chariot in TOA. Monsters are different, but monsters are also scary. Will is terrified of demon pigeons, you really think he’s willingly gonna go one-on-one with anything bigger than his pinky?

I’ll admit, I hated that he didn’t have a weapon in Tartarus. I thought it was really stupid and out-of-character because my anxious ass would have loaded up. Still, it was kind of funny when they described Will bashing rocks over monster’s heads during their fight with Nyx.

My final point for this: Will was Nico’s support system and that was the point. Will knew he wasn’t going to throw hands with anyone. He went because he knew Nico needed him even when Nico told him to stay. Will was going to trek through SuperHell with the love of his life and hold his hand to remind him that he was loved. Will wanted Nico to know that he’d literally go to Hell and back for him and that’s what mattered.

Nico didn’t ask Will to be the Hero. Nico states several times that the reason he loves Will is because he wants to heal and he’s so stubborn to find the good in everything. And that’s exactly what Will did. He offered support, care, and reminders. He was going to understand and love Nico, even through the darkest parts of his life.

Will is one of the best support systems in a PJO couple duo.

It makes me incredibly sad to see people call Will toxic when he gave his entire life to support Nico. I won’t deny that he complained a lot and said hurtful things and that he occasionally belittles Nico’s feelings. But Will didn’t know he was doing those things. He thought he was helping Nico navigate his PTSD. How is someone who is still emotionally developing his own character supposed to know how to take care of someone else’s?

Will also clearly showed love and affection towards Nico. He met all his friends and was polite to them even when they looked scary. Will risked his life several times before they got to Tartarus and still insisted on continuing. Built a Minecraft house for his boyfriend and left him a KitKat bar because he knew he would feel fatigued (also Will brought KitKat bars, meaning he was already thinking of Nico’s health beforehand). He tried to be useful by scouting ahead because he felt like he was being a burden on Nico. He kissed him, called him silly nicknames, hugged him, respected his boundaries (asking to hold him instead of trying to comfort him immediately), and oh yeah, went to Tartarus when he was obviously quaking in his flipflops.

He also helped Bob when he had no idea who/what he was, comforted Nico when he was beginning to lose hope, acknowledged his mistakes and admitted he needed to try harder, realized he didn’t need to fix Nico and that his boyfriend was perfect the way he was, and learned that Nico wasn’t going to leave him.

Love is complicated. Love is something you choose. And Will chooses to love Nico. Also for everyone saying a year is long enough to learn/realize these problems already and have them solved, you need to take the rose tinted glasses off. I’ve been with my partner for almost four years, and I’m still learning things about our relationship. We argue, we don’t always meet eye-to-eye. Our own trauma and experiences surface and it gets difficult. But do we just call it quits and throw everything into the trash? No. We talk, we problem-solve, we come back and try to understand each other even if we don’t know how to do that. A year is nothing. A year is puppy love and excitement. It’s like your favorite movie on repeat. All the problems are ignored because you don’t want to see them yet.

So for a pair of 15 year old's who just came to terms with their sexuality, I think that they are doing pretty damn good at this love thing.

Anyway, that’s all I really wanted to say. Even though we’ve had Will for years, we’ve never gotten to know his true character until now. It’s raw and weird and doesn’t fit the mold of Will Solace, son of Apollo we all created him to be. You can still hate his character or whatever, I’m not going to try to change your mind. But don’t hate on everyone else who loves him and loves this book.

#solangelo #will solace #tsat #tsats #tsats spoilers #will literally deserves so much love #he's an anxious nerd who wants to watch star wars and kiss his boyfriend

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 4 months

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AITA in this friendship? give me a minute here, it's more complicated than it sounds

I'm 19 years old, female. So there's this friend, we'll call her B (also 19F). We've been friends for years, since elementary. We've been good friends for that time, I thought.

But especially during high school, it was hard to spend time with her. She was always convinced the friend group hated her even though all I'd ever hear was that they liked her and were confused/frustrated/hurt as to why she thought that. She's always had a lot of mental illness going on (depression, anxiety, ADHD, etc) so I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. She spent most of her time in another part of the school refusing to spend time with me or the friend group saying she wanted "alone time" even though she was surrounded by other friends.

I knew she was feeling unwanted within the friend group, so I tried to spend time with her when she would let me. But it kind of alienated me from the rest of the friend group so I spent a good portion of my lunches alone. Plus, even though she would say its ok for me to be there, sometimes it felt like she hated me and my presence. But then she would turn around and tell me I was the only one she could be truly honest with, etc, etc.

The reason I tried not to pay too much heed to the idea that she might really hate being my friend is because I also struggle with anxiety pretty badly. I've been working really really hard to just listen to what people tell me, because I can't trust what I'm telling me.

But this feeling continued after high school, and it felt like there was something I didn't know, like she secretly hated me and only put up with me.

Almost every time I would invite her to do something, she would try to invite someone else too. That's fine, but when it happens almost every time... it made me feel like I was unwanted.

I got really clingy. I'll admit that. I texted her often (most days a week) and would get anxious when she didn't respond within a couple of hours, leading to me double, triple texting most of the time. She told me not to text her during work, but how am I supposed to know for sure? She told me her hours once, but I have no record of it and I don't expect her to memorize my schedule so I feel like that's unfair. Plus, if I didn't press for an answer, I often wouldn't get one at all or wouldn't get one for days. Like one time I tried to schedule a time to hang out a few weeks in advance. She told me she would get back to me, but then the day before, still nothing. I texted over and over again, trying to get an answer, until she got mad at me for texting so much and told me she didn't think hanging out would work out. But the point is I got clingy, in a way that I understand made her anxious.

My anxiety got the better of me and I decided to stop contacting her. I held to it for a couple of months, aside from wishing her happy christmas/new years. But my birthday came and went for the second year in a row without a word, and I decided I needed to talk to her about it.

I did, and although she refused to do it in person like I wanted, I thought it was a pretty good conversation. She told me about a couple things I was doing to make her uncomfortable. I promised to work on those and being less clingy. I told her I need her to be honest about the things that bother her, and she said she needed time to work on that skill. She said she was thinking a month, maybe less, so i agreed not to contact her first during that time and she promised to contact me soon.

I didn't hear from her for three months. I finally broke down and texted her, asking to talk it out and telling her this arrangement wasn't working for me. She didn't respond for almost a week. I needed peace of mind, so I said I was done with waiting and I would be open to rekindling the friendship later, but I wasn't going to hold my foot in the door for her any longer. No response again.

I remembered I owed her money and asked her when would be a good time to drop it off (it was not like five bucks, it was a fair amount of money so I didn't want to like leave it on a doorstep or something). No response again for a day. I told her if I didn't hear from her in a couple of days I was going to keep the money.

She finally responded a day later, saying she didn't have the energy for a "high maintenance" friendship and to leave the money in her mailbox.

I don't know who was at fault here. I mean, I was clingy and I ended the friendship, but she didn't give me a chance to change and didn't stick to her word. But I don't know if contacting her again after those three months was clingy? I really don't know, and the end of this friendship has been tormenting me. I just want to know who was at fault and then I can deal with it, but I honestly don't know.

Also, WIBTA for contacting B again and trying to rekindle the friendship?

Please do not ask multiple questions in a single submission. It just confuses things and makes it hard for people to vote in the poll.

#aita #am i the asshole

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shradsmanifestt · 1 month

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hi, im sorry for bothering u right now. ive been asking around for advice everywhere because i really need all the help i could use right now. my anxiety is flaring up like crazy because my results come out tomorrow and im so scared because if i mess this up then my future is ruined. my mental health has been horrible and that has severely affected my grades but in most asian countries they dgaf about that and basically think it's nonexistant for minors so ofc i'm still undiagnosed, and if i were to apply to a uni i wouldnt get any good chances anywhere. if i could just get 3 Bs in my AS levels it would be okay or else i'd have to retake it and it's super costly here.. i don't wanna put my family through that because they'll talk me down, degrade me, destroy my self esteem which i've managed to build back a little. they were like this since when i was the topper and thats what made me burnout. undiagnosed adhd, trauma, depression also contributed to it

im applying the law, but instead of the feeling of success that everyone else gets i feel panicked. the 'feeling' people usually get when they're in the wish fulfilled state, the feeling of accepting it and it being real—im not getting that. i dont see a clear picture when i visualize. every time i try to, i end up breaking down and feeling like a failure... but I'm still trying to go on because why is it that the people who hurt me and practically ruined my life get to live successfully, while i suffer? thats not fair... i promised myself that if i could just get 3 Bs, ill turn my life around and work really hard... but is it over for me? i want to win, im trying to, but im scared

im trying my best to visualize myself getting 3 Bs, reenacting my friends faces when i get the results, praying to God and thanking Him for blessing me and continuing to bless me, but there is this fear still lingering at the back of my mind... i feel like I'm not doing it right. i have like one day left and I'm so nervous. im going over posts, tweets, and every time I feel a little better, it all comes crashing down because of doubts. theres only one thing one my mind right now: 'how am I gonna turn it around in one day?' i know that the 3D does not matter and that everything is done in imagination, but here i feel like its not done in imagination either

right now nothings clicking in my head, whatever i read is getting scrambled in my mind, i feel so lost and empty. could u please tell me what to do in this specific situation? u can be as harsh as you want if that's what's needed to get the point across. im really sorry for the bother and id be really grateful if u could please help out, ive never been this desperate before... my life cant be over before it even started

Hey love,

I get you, I really do but trust me when I say this.

THIS SHIT IS REAL AF. Manifestation is real af. It's as real as the fact that you are a human being. All you have to do is trust yourself that it is already done. If good results is what you want then that is exactly what you'll get. You need to choose to stop having doubts because it is already done. That is the simplest answer I can give you. Persist on what you want.

I am glad to tell you this but I just got test results for a major exam held in my uni today and I got into the 95th percentile just by saying to myself that my super power is aptitude tests and that I already scored great. In my friends group only 3 of us were eligible and I have 70+ more marks then them as well. If I can do it, you can do it. You need to stop doubting yourself. Atleast stop doubting manifestation. Cause at this point you're only gonna manifest your doubts.

I'll give you a scenario - If you're worried about getting bad grades, Trust me when I say this you're gonna manifest exactly that coz you will manifest exactly what you assume. You can choose to stop that right here, RN. Choose to accept that you got great marks. I mean don't even like aim for B's go for A's. I don't care even if you left the paper blank coz if you assume you're the topper, that is exactly what's gonna happen.

If you do get bad marks and I'm gonna be harsh here - You're the only reason why! You're gonna manifest exactly what you assume to be true even if it's good or bad. Your sc mind don't differentiate btw what's good for you or what's bad for you. It only knows what you feed it.

You got this, TRUST ME

Love, Shrads.

#law of assumption #loassumption #loa #affirm and persist #loa tumblr #neville goddard #consciousness #loa blog #loatwt #imagination #affirm and saturate #saturate your mind #shradsmanifestt

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ariaste · 2 months

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Hi! Regarding your recent post about how you taught your writing workshops, I was reading through it and was feeling very inspired (you sound amazing as a teacher), but I also really wish I had a community like that. Since I'm currently focusing on an original work, I was wondering how do you go about finding fellow writers/betas that you can trust with work and form a mutual writing relationship with? I've looked for and joined many communities like Nanowrimo and discord servers over the years, yet nothing seemed to click? So yeah sorry for the bother but I was wondering if you had any advice :D

Re: "you sound amazing as a teacher" -- aw thanks! I was an INCREDIBLE teacher. That might sound kind of vain to say with so much assurance, but it truly was the first time in my life where I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was doing a really, really fucking good job. (And that's WITH my anxiety, so like. Oof.) I just set out on purpose to be the kind of teacher I always longed to have when I was an apprentice writer, and that got me most of the way there. The rest was just spite for all the shitty creative writing classes I'd had before LOL. I'd already seen all the mistakes myself from the other side, so I just came up with better ways of doing things. And then day one of class, I had them all do a self-assessment of what they wanted to learn in the class, what fears they had, etc, and I was really struck by how universal the sense of insecurity and under-confidence was in all their replies. So that just confirmed what I already suspected, to wit: my ONE JOB (and again, this was a "writing and publishing scifi/fantasy" class) was just to hammer in the idea of, "Your ideas ARE cool, the things you think are cool ARE IN FACT COOL, you ARE allowed to write about queer dragons or whatever and that's an awesome thing to be doing and I'm HERE FOR IT." If the one thing a student takes from a creative writing class is more confidence in their writing and more trust in themself, then the goal has been achieved. If a teacher says anything else, we're verging on snobbery (Iowa Writer's Workshop can go get fucked btw)

ANYWAY.

Finding a beta you click with is a lot like finding a friend or a romantic partner who you click with. That is: there's a lot of fish in the sea, but not all of them are going to be right for you, and sometimes it takes a while to find that special person. It sounds like you're doing all of the right things, though, so just keep at it.

That said, a couple lifehacks: do NOT talk about your work with the vibes of "hey, i'm looking for a beta, does anyone want to beta for me?" because (at least in my experience) those acquaintances often turn out to be sort of transactional and shallow -- think of people who walk into any situation like "hey will you be my girlfriend? i'm looking for a girlfriend. do you want to date me as my girlfriend??? will someone please be my girlfriend?" rather than trying to make genuine connections with people as *people* versus the role that the girlfriend-seeker wants to put them in. (Exception to this: Fandom-specific servers where you are looking for a beta for a fic. Then it's less weird to ask out loud for a beta, because you've already established a mutual shared interest/passion. It's not cold-calling in the same way, you get me??)

Instead, aim to project vibes of "I'm having so much fun playing in my sandbox :) I am having so much fun by myself, maybe too much fun in fact [psychically broadcasting that the fun is in such abundance around here that there would be enough to share if someone happened to wander past...]" Post about your work, talk about it in public, give people little excerpts or tidbits you're proud of. Look for people who express interest in the sort of fun you're having, and then start up conversations about it. Look for people who are having the sort of fun of their own that you're interested in, compliment them on it and ask questions, and build a relationship. (If they're writing the sort of thing you're into, chances are that you're writing the sort of thing they're into. Not always, but frequently!)

Sometimes it is possible to take an existing friend who is interested in your work (or at least supportive of it and loving of you) and kind of train them into being a great beta reader even if they themselves are not really a writer. It takes a lot of self-knowledge of what you're looking for and what you need in terms of feedback, it takes some patience and trust in your relationship with them, it takes the ability to negotiate boundaries and ask really good questions, and it takes a friend who is game to try and who likes the sort of things you like. (Personal recommendation: Don't try to get feedback from someone who isn't even interested in the genre that you're writing. A dedicated literary fiction fan is probably going to have a REAL hard time appreciating your gruesome scifi horror book for what it is, and if they're not familiar with the genre conventions, their suggestions are predisposed to be kind of Weird and Not Right For What You're Writing. Accept their love and support, but also accept that neither of you are going to have a good time if they try to beta for you.)

Trying to build relationships in an open community like a forum or a Discord server is a good way to cast a wide net, but all deep lasting relationships happen on a single line between you and the other person, so look for opportunities to talk to people one-on-one in DMs to build that kind of creative intimacy.

It takes time! But if you're open about the things that are bringing you joy and you're talking about them and setting them out in plain sight, the right people will eventually be drawn to your joy/fun like moths to a flame. Humans cannot resist that shit.

If you've been doing that and it's still not working, check in with yourself -- is your project actually bringing you joy, or are you going through the motions? Readjust, reorient yourself, try again. Lean into it. Go hard or go home. If you're really truly genuinely having fun by yourself, then your eventual readers will too.

If you're doing all THAT and it's STILL not working (that is, if people are expressing initial interest but you can't hold their attention and they wander off once they read your work), then that's a signal that you've got a tension problem.

GOOD LUCK. You will find your people eventually, just keep going! :)

#writing advice #writing #beta reading

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shineforthee · 2 months

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Half In Love with an Easeful Death, Half in Love with a Difficult Life

Or: On Young Daniel Molloy and the topic of Suicidal Ideation

**Please please please, heed the trigger warnings in the tags, friends**

I've been seeing conversation lately about whether or not Daniel is suicidal, particularly in the 70's when Armand identifies him as such. And I want to weigh in, as someone who has experienced SI and has spent years providing crisis intervention for people experiencing SI.

To be clear: I'm fully willing to be wrong, far from an expert, and definitely not any better at understanding the source material than anybody else. I just have a whole lot of thoughts, and I have to stop harassing my friends with them in rambling voice notes.

First, Semantics:

Something I think might be getting missed here is that to be Suicidal is not a character trait. It's not an immutable quality inherent to someone's personality, though it may be present throughout an individual's entire life. A person is not (or I suppose should not be) characterized "kind, funny, creative, ambitious, and suicidal." Suicidality is something people may experience, it is not something they are.

Similarly, a person can experience Suicidal Ideation without necessarily having any intent, or even any firm desire to die. For some folks, these thoughts are passive as they go about their lives; things like "I'm not going to wear my seatbelt because who cares?" or "I sometimes wish I'd just stay asleep forever." It can also be something a person finds themselves thinking of in times of stress or anxiety; "I don't know how to fix this, it would be better if I just died."

Finally, of course, someone can be experiencing suicidality and want to live. They are not mutually exclusive concepts.

Which brings me to my next point: The Both, And of it all

Daniel as Half-In Love with an Easeful Death:

There are certainly reasons to think Daniel might experience a level of suicidal ideation, and might be experiencing suicidality in San Fran. His substance use and high-risk behaviors do not guarantee it, but they do present as risk factors or potential indicators. In the moment, he's also on multiple substances that certainly increase the risk for suicidal thoughts. Quaaludes and cocaine are... not a super friendly mix for the mental health. Frequent use of these drugs, as well as alcohol, is known to cause depression and anxiety. (**The harm reduction advocate in me has to add that this is said without judgement, people also often use substances as their only method for coping with mental health concerns that already exist)

More than any of that, however, is that there's no textual reason to assume he doesn't experience suicidal ideation, and there is textual reason to believe that he does. Armand is far from the most honest character, and taken only at his word, of course it might seem like something he just says. I wouldn't necessarily believe it either. But we also get confirmation from Louis that this is how Armand hunts. This is what he does. He teases out the thread of suicidality in a human being, pulls on it, knits it into something larger until it becomes a warm blanket wrapped around their shoulders. It's insidious because it latches on to something small that exists in so many people.

When we think of suicide, I think we often picture only one version: the carefully premeditated decision, perhaps after months or years of constant suffering. The notes. The plans. This isn't the only (or even I would argue primary) manner in which people die via suicide. Often it's born of a split second decision. Pain or anxiety or fear or anger. Arman's approach quiet literally picks at that part of the mind - the human part, the emotion the doubt. It's effective because it's taking something real. I think to create something from nothing entirely defeats the purpose of why he does it or what he gets out of it, which would lead to a whole other conversation, but anyways. There's just no real reason for us to doubt what this part of the narrative tells us (**that I have yet seen! I'm not an expert! I do not know all things! I just have thoughts and ideas that could change!)

Another piece of evidence, for me, comes from Louis again. Who feels the need to tell Daniel what he does, in San Francisco. To give him something to hold onto, something that keeps him alive. With his memory removed, we don't really have reason to believe that what Armand did would matter at all... or it wouldn't, if it didn't already pull at something that exists in Daniel regardless.

Daniel as Half In Love with a Difficult Life

There is no reason that the desire to live cannot exist alongside suicidal ideation, suicidality, or the desire to die. "But see, he wants to live!" is no more an argument against him wanting to die as "but see! he wanted to die!" is against him wanting to live.

Not to be reductive, but I can want to sleep and want to eat at the same time. I can want to be alone, and want to be around others at the same time. I can be grieving and happy at the same time. We are capable of multitudes, we exist inside the nuance. This is always interesting to me when held up against the vampires in the story who obviously experience these same nuances, but really tend towards extremes. They are not just tired, they are exhausted. They are not just hungry, they are starving. They are not just angry, they are furious. They are not just in love, they are obsessed. Extremes.

The concept of "half" then becomes so interesting here, to me. Louis's decision to say it that way. To recognize that it does not need to be entire, that perhaps part of the game is taking that half and making it all consuming. For someone to be half in love with death, they must also be half in love with life, yes?

And that's Daniel, here. He wants to live! He wants to live forever! He wants all the things that make him so so human, and he wants more of them. He fights to live, he pushes back on Armand's words. Armand, who in this moment, becomes a physical embodiment of death. This scene then becomes almost a metaphor for the struggle that is suicidal ideation and/or depression. All the fears and uncertainties of youth brought to the fore, and yes. Daniel fights back against them. He absolutely does. He's connecting with the world, he's got this thing that makes him want to keep going. We see that still in the present day - he's sick, yes. He's dying, yes. He might want to die enough to turn down the cure (arguable... another conversation) but he also wants to live enough that he's checking in with his doctor to make sure he's being health-conscious.

Both, And:

"I mean, what about life? Like, joyrides and night swimming, and marriage and cancer, and all of that till the death rattle. I mean, we gotta carry all this shit and you had a ticket out. And you were just gonna throw it away?"

Daniel wants out of life, and he wants life, all at the same time. That's what makes this so compelling to me, is the inability to reduce him to one thing as opposed to many of the narratives we see around suicide. It's what makes vampirism particularly compelling for him, I think. An option where he perceives that he would get to have his cake and eat it too. A way to exist alongside the joy and suffering. To have both.

And at it's core, this might be the most important thing that the whole conversation around Daniel wanting to live or die reveals to me: Daniel wants to be in control of whether he lives or dies. He wants to choose. And damn, doesn't that make the idea of becoming a vampire seem tempting? It's complex and it's incredibly compelling because it leaves us all going "well... is he suicidal? is he simply exercising his own free will? is it neither of those things? both?"

This show gives us so many nuances narratives dealing with suicide. It shows us the layers of it. The humanity of it. The way that we can exist alongside the darker things and not always give into them. The way when people do, it is not all they are but is just a moment. Just a moment in their lives that yes, may sometimes mark the end, but is not an identifier of the whole.

So I guess this whole long ramble is really just to say that no, if we are being semantic about it, I don't think of Daniel as suicidal because I don't tend to think of anyone that way. But do I think he experienced suicidal ideation prior to San Francisco? Yes. It gives him a narrative agency that I think is far more compelling and meaningful than a simplified answer would be.

#TW: suicide #TW: SI #TW: Suicidal Ideation #Suicide #IWTV #IWTV meta #Daniel Molloy #might delete this later tbh #super shy about sharing opinions to this extent #there's not one right answer

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casualsavant · 9 months

Text

20 Questions More

This is a deeper and more detailed version of the 20 questions for AO3 fanfic writers. Thanks to @TetsujinOtaku88 for the tag. I'm doing this #Supercorp style.

1) How do you keep getting ideas for your ship / fandom?

I think the Supercorp Fandom is pretty self-perpetuating because the canon needs to be fixed and there's lots of AUs to put them in. Plus there are so many talented people whose art, video edits, and fanfic fuel each other.

2) Which authors inspire you in your fandom, and why are they so freakishly good?

Following the answer above I think the beauty of Supercorp is that it attracts really talented creators. I love reading @searidings, @jazzfordshire's fix-its and canon-adjacent stuff, @lgbtimelords, @coffeeshib, @mycatismyeditor, and @snowydragonscave just to name a few. They have such a deftness of language and an understanding of the characters that it's hard to stop reading!

3) Aside from the characters of your main ship, who are the characters you love to write?

I really love Sam Arias, Jess, and Alex. I wish I could get a better handle on Kelly because DANSEN forever. I also have a soft spot for Eliza and a deliciously evil liking for Lillian.

4) Are there pairings or tropes you know for sure you'd never write about? Which ones?

Karamel, Lames, Top Lena, Bottom Kara. To each their own. It's just not my thing.

5) What is your writing process and why is it cursed?

Carry around a little notebook to scribble ideas, lines, sometimes whole scenes. Figure out a rough outline / structure / plot. Do unnecessary amounts of research. Open doc file. Plunge into dismay and self-doubt. Watch the show. Get frustrated. Open the doc file. Be filled with despair and self-loathing. Get a blast of inspiration and productivity. Cycle through mental instability, writer's block, and actual writing. Get dragged by Kara and Lena to unanticipated places that derails what I intended to do. Sighing and doing what the muses want. The elation of completion. Struggling with summaries and tags. Posting. Crippling anxiety and running away from AO3. Lather, rinse, repeat.

6) What is your favorite part of your writing process?

The elation of completion. The unnecessary research is fun too.

7) What’s the weirdest thing you’ve had to research for a fic?

Cherry tree mutations and the structure of yakuza organizations in modern Japan.

8) Is there a particular writing rule you struggle with (grammar, spelling, tense, reality in general)?

Different tenses in the same document. Also it's and its.

9) What was your hardest scene to write so far and why?

Describing Kara's post-PZ night terrors and Lena’s fever dreams in Deliverance. Also the action sequence at the end of that story was so difficult.

10) Have your characters ever done something you didn’t expect, changing your plot completely?

ALL THE TIME.

11) If you could converse with any of the characters, who would it be and why?

Both of them. After I come to my senses and out of a dead faint because I was meeting them at all. And then I would die of sapphication.

12) What are some of the tropes or themes that you find yourself returning to in your writing?

Oh my usual tags are: light angst, tooth-rotting fluff, friends-to-lovers, Lena needs a hug, Kara gets a hug.

13) What's your most important resource as a writer?

Talking with other writers!

14) Can you share some of your strategies for editing and revising your work?

I usually give it some time before I edit so I can have relatively fresh eyes. Spell checking, punctuation, and grammar suggestions help you catch things but NOTHING beats reading it over yourself.

15) Which is worse: making the summary, picking the tags, or the anxiety when you post your fic?

Definitely the anxiety!!!

16) How do you define sucess for your fanfic - hits? Kudos? Comments? Bookmarks? Or just if you like it?

I think it's good to track kudos and I love getting comments. But ultimately I wrote for my enjoyment or for my peace of mind because the idea would not let me go.

17) Do you have a playlist for your favorite character / ship?

Nope but that's not a bad idea. 🤔

18) If fan art was going to be made from your work, which fic would you pick and which fan artist would you like to create it?

Wow I'd be thrilled if any of them got art. I am partial to the way @rustingcat draws Sakura blossoms though so maybe Cat for No Wrong Seasons.

19) How many WIPs do you currently have?

8 total. Finishing "the Arcana", "The Sound of Veracity" (Part 2), Prequel and Smutilogue of "Always With Me, Always With You", Supercorptober 2023 "Art" prompt, SG Mayhem fic, the Telepathy/Empathy fic, the Body Swap fic.

20) What's your advice to new fanfic writers?

I posted my first Supercorp story in March 2023 feeling it would be completely lost in this large fandom and having no hope for it. I felt that I was too late. That everything had been done (and done better). I did find readers who liked and some who really loved my work. But mostly I learned to write for myself, which has truly been a gift. Write for yourself. Write what you'd want to see. You'll get better at it over time.

Tagging but no pressure: @fyonahmacnally @nottawriter @chaotic-super @luthordamnvers @fazedlight

#fic writing #supercorp #20 questions #20 questions more

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il1ketulipz · 9 months

Text

Soleil raito!

History:

after dream and cross became a couple again

And they had starcross

A little brat identical to dream was also born, which they called soleil

Soleil is dream's favorite daughter! (all her siblings HATE HER VERY MUCH)

some information:

- Normally he is nice and helpful but if one of her siblings is around her she will be a ball of nerves

- She has constant anxiety attacks, her siblings hate hurts her very much.

- she is religious, only because dream wants to

- is young than starcross by 1 year

- does not sleep, does not eat and does not rest trying to please everyone

- knows how to use a crossbow but does not know the multiplication table of 7

- probably if she discovers his privilege as dream's favorite, she will become a sociopath

Her opinion about the people she knows:

{Adults}

Dream: I love dad very much! He is a great father!!

Ink: Mrs.Ink makes me feel uncomfortable... I'm not sure why.

Hope: I would like to talk to her but I constantly see vivi and tachi with her, I better stay away

Cross: Mom is nice, I like talking to her.

Corrupted nightmare: he scares me... I hate him!

{Fanchildren}

Lux: WHY IS SHE SO BAD TO ME?! I just said hi and she told me to kill myself

Palette: He ignores me quite often... he looks like dad so I thought we would get along but no...

Merciless: he is always with Lux... I don't want to have him around

Drop: I usually watch her play from afar... Sometimes I would like to talk to her but I don't dare approach her

Goth: I would like to have the trust that he has... What a shame it won't happen

Crescent: He's scary, he comes up to me and I'll kick him hard in the ba-

{Some "extra" fanchildren)

Artemis: She seems nice but I doubt I can trust her.

Vivi: she is with Lux and merciless, I don't trust her...

Kira: a new daughter of nightmare, a new problem- we both go to the same church so I can't escape

Tachi: I feel like she hates me... I don't want her to hurt me, I won't bother her

Callisto: he hates me... Like everyone else... Nothing new, I just got excited thinking that he would like me

Tasya: her hair is beautiful... And she seems very sweet

Shelki: I hope I can become friends with her. . . But I'm not sure-

Selena and Elius: I wish I could spend time with one of them... But they probably hate me too

Starcross: He hates me, probably because of Lux, I hoped that at least he would treat me well, but it seems I'm always wrong.

Sunshine: The last time I let my guard down around her, she made me eat a dead rat, she's scary. Why she act so sweet to Palette and Drop and not to me?!

(Let's see what she thinks when she becomes a manipulative sociopath who uses favoritism to her advantage)

90% of the "extra fanchilds" belong to: @canon-vi

The E.L.A characters belongs to: @anotherrosesthatfell

Artemis belongs to: @abloomingsunflower/@itzcherrybonbon

(Wow- a lot of text-)

#evil lux au #E.L.A soleil #I don't know what I do with my life

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mrsdeliberatecreater · 1 month

Note

Okay love. I need you to do something for me. Take 3 deeeeep breaths.

Okay?

I understand you completely. I understand what are going through completely. I'm Indian, so I know how it can be. I got yelled at by my sister for thinking that I might have ADHD. 👀 Its all good now though. I also used to deal with debilitating anxiety two years ago.. I barely left my room, let alone go to school for a master's degree that I chose and got into serious debt for.. I'm not making this about me, but I just want you know that change is possible.

Anytime you start to feel bad, a anxiety attack coming on, I want you to just keep taking calming deep breaths and focus on the now. Focus on the things you see, things you can hear, smell, etc. Its the feeling of "now". Come back to the "now" as many times as needed if you feel negative thoughts. I would affirm, "Everything is okay, everything will be okay", pick an affirmation that feels natural to you, and affirm.

If you like subliminals, I would recommend: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zX6BKBzVgfk&t=4s This has stopped so many of my anxiety attacks before I learned to let them go..

If not keep doing the breathing exercises. You will find that by repetition this will eventually release the reasons for feeling anxiety in the first place. Take things one day at a time. If it gets bad, ask someone you trust for help.

We alll have doubts. Doubts are fine. As long as you are just focused on the end/wish fulfilled/affirming, you are fine, even with doubts. You don't need to believe with 100% everything till you burst a blood vessel. If you feel like your doubts are overwhelming you, decide that nothing, not even you can stop your desires from manifesting. <3

"Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you". - Matthew 17:20

If you have the time, I would highly recommend IlluminatingJoy on youtube, especially her https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CT2xyCcoues&t=1727s

She has a really good grasp on manifestation and explains everything so well and accommodates it to fit our "logic", while completely validating human emotions. The exercise she does in this video is so so simple but seriously effective. I catch myself slipping at least once a day that would have spiraled if I hadn't done the exercise.

Also if you want to do this in a day, I want you to focus on your mental diet. Affirm affirm affirm.

If negative thoughts come up, you breathe and think "I can relax, I got all A's". Anything in the 3D reminds you think, "I can relax, I got what I wanted. Your family being mean to you? remember how in class after lunch, your teacher is talking but you're thinking about something else.

Also speaking of that, I know you said you can't your images clearly. That's fine. Visualizing is NOT imagination.

Visualizing is NOT imagination.

My visualizations are never clear and I manifest everything I imagine all the time. They all have that "vignette" effect lol..

Imagination can be a picture, it can be a smell, a touch, a voice, just how someone's clothes smell when they are standing really close to you like in an elevator. Like you can specifically smell it but you KNOW what I'm talking about right?

Your loved ones in your face? Use it YOUR ADVANTAGE. I used to hear my sister compliment me, it was easy to hear her voice. I primarily used her voice to fix our relationship. Cannot for the life of me picture her face properly but thats FINE.

You can use ANY of the senses, just one or two or all. Hear your family saying things you want in your mind. Hear them congratulating you, compliment you.

You can slowly work this into all the other aspects of your life...

By the way, you aren't lost and empty. You are a very caring person, you want to do things so that you don't let your family down, in spite of how they treat you. That to me is a genuinely caring person.

But you need to apply that same care to yourself. You don't need me to be harsh to you, YOU don't need to be harsh to you. You are working so hard to find answers but you ARE the answer. Its okay. Please just rest. Its all yours. Be more soft to yourself, be more kind to yourself, compliment yourself, you will start to see that kindness reflected in the 3D as well.

I have given you a lot of options here so you can pick and choose what makes YOU feel better so that YOU can focus on SELF because

Nothing to change but self

Reach out to me as many times as you would like, you could never bother me.

Nya 🌺

#law of assumption #neville goddard #manifestation #loa #manifesting #loassblog #subliminal #loassumption #robotic affirming #affirm and persist #affirmations

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charmedreincarnation · 1 year

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My sucess story

Trigger Warning: Abusive, homophobia, mentions of suicide

Hey there, Maya! I just had to take a moment and express my appreciation for all the fantastic posts you put out. I can now confirm, without a shadow of a doubt, that shifting is real, manifesting is real, and so is the void. Our desires and ambitions aren't in vain.

I've been part of the shifting community since 2020 when it exploded on TikTok. It might not matter much, but as a gay man, I rarely saw other guys in the community (though Reddit and Amino have a more diverse crowd). I've always felt more comfortable in women-centric spaces because they tend to be less judgmental.

I never saw success stories from guys, especially the kind I wanted to see - like waking up in a new world, not just manifesting money or a girlfriend (or boyfriend in my case >.<). I've always been spiritual and interested in witchcraft, voodoo, deities, and now manifesting and shifting. But it felt like nothing would let me shift.

Growing up with homophobic and physically abusive parents, struggling with poverty, depression, homelessness, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and more, I began to feel like you could only manifest and shift if your life was okay. I didn't have the luxury of time or safety to practice methods, constantly dealing with noise, verbal abuse, or physical violence.

Then, I read this post

https://www.reddit.com/r/shiftingrealities/comments/14v4lw3/how_to_shift_the_next_time_you_go_to_sleep/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

It led me to your Tumblr because OP used some of your old posts and talked about the concept of the void. All searched lead to tumblr. A couple of months ago (2.5 ish) after one of the worst days of my life, I went to bed sobbing, trying to block out the noise around me, praying and crying for anything - death, shifting, a new identity...

Everything around me started to fade - it was as if I was being engulfed by a white, serene blanket of nothingness. It was completely silent, and I couldn't see or feel anything. The only thing that seemed to persist was my awareness.

Now, I've read about the void before, but mostly in the context of it being a black, empty space. So, I'm not entirely sure if what I experienced was indeed the void or something altogether different. The concept still baffles me a bit, but I'm learning and growing through these experiences.

Regardless of where I was, my heart was set on reaching my dr.I kept praying and hoping, to wake up in my DR.

I woke up in my Twitch streamer DR! I found myself in a completely unfamiliar yet perfect place. My room was equipped with a high-end PC, top-notch gaming gear, and quaint decor items. Milo, my dog, was there too. I was sharing a mansion in LA with my boyfriend and four other streamers. The house was beyond my imagination, and streaming here was a dream come true. As night fell, my friends and I explored the vibrant LA nightlife, creating lasting memories.

After a week, i can’t lie I almost forgot I had shifted here. Then, I set an intention to shift back into this reality but where I had moved out, lived with my best friend and their supportive parents, mastered shifting and manifesting, had my desired looks, and money came easily to me. And it worked!

Since then, I've been living my best boujee gay life, and I shift all the time. I even created a waiting room where I'm immortal and use it whenever I need a break. I wish I could offer better advice, but like everyone says, there isn't a key to shifting. It's different for everyone. But you can and will shift. You can manifest your dream life. You can and deserve to be happy

Oh my god, I'm so happy for you, love 💕💕. I also completely related to what you felt. I know it can seem like your circumstances are holding you back, but believe me when I say this - that couldn't be further from the truth.

It's that same resilience, and your ability to persist despite the odds, that paved the way to your dream life. There’s nothing, I mean nothing that can stop you. Not wavering, crying, or doubt. Nothing. If you want it, it’s yours.

#law of assumption #manifesation #manifesting #void state #reality shifting #shiftblr #void success

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finn-m-corvex · 11 months

Text

Someone You Loved

Needed a brain break from Whumptober so I wrote this in an hour instead. Haven't listened to Lewis Capaldi for a long time but this song popped up in my playlist and it gave me Jaya vibes so here we are. Kinda similar to Sounding Sea but also not, mostly because I never thought I would write a songfic in my life, but hey, plans change. Literally almost just had a panic attack as I was cleaning this up because I thought I deleted it but nope we're all good. Enjoy everybody!

Words: 2k

TWs: depression, mentions of anxiety, basically all the same stuff as Sounding Sea.

I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to save me This all or nothing really got a way of driving me crazy

Oh, he was crazy alright. But maybe it was just the hunger talking.

He had never really been one for doing things halfway. Something either got all of his effort or none of his concern and there was very little in-between. Now, he was wishing that he had more gears than forward and reverse; was that why humans created cars with multiple modes? To make up for the fact that they couldn't ever take the stick and pull it back to spare their feelings? Was it all just some sick scheme of taking back control?

No, that was stupid. He let his head thunk against the stone wall behind him, ignoring the bruises littering his skin and the blood welling from the cuts and scratches inflicted across his body. Jay had plenty of stupid ideas already, what was one more?

I need somebody to heal Somebody to know Somebody to have Somebody to hold

And of course, like a goddamn fool he had fumbled it. Fucked it up most likely beyond repair, just because he didn't come with a gearshift to dial his love back. She had known better than any of the others, always picked up on his mood shifts and his anxiety and his everything before he even knew what was going on; sometimes she was even faster than Cole. Before then Jay had never met someone with that ability, because most people would turn a blind eye to him at best and try to hurt him at worst. Kinda like what was happening right now, actually.

She wasn't like most people.

First Master, how stupid was he?

It's easy to say But it's never the same I guess I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain

He did. Fuck, he missed her so much. He missed the way she made him feel like he was on top of the world, like he could do anything and be anyone. Anxiety couldn't touch him, his insecurities powerless against the encouraging words she would feed him whenever he started to doubt himself. What was he now?

Stuck in a shitty pirate ship with no friends and no way of calling for help after possibly fucking all of them over for what might be the last time.

Well, at least he wouldn't be able to damn them anymore, right?

The ball and chain was heavy on his ankle, and he had to drag it up by hand so he could tuck his knees against his chest, looking up at the bright sky through the grate. His hands were blistered from how much he had been mopping the deck, but it was still much more preferable to Scrap n' Tap.

He tried to imagine how it would sound for her to say 'I love you.'

Now the day bleeds Into nightfall And you're not here To get me through it all I let my guard down And then you pulled the rug I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

Jay was still trying to imagine it when night finally fell, a dark blanket smothering out his one light source and casting the rest of his cell into darkness. He couldn't say that he ever had a problem with the dark before now, but the shadows were stretching just a little too much, the corners just a little too obscured and his vision was too fuzzy as it was adjusting to the new level of light. He supposed one of his eyes being basically out of commission wasn't helping.

Tears tried to leave his eyes but he blinked them back, determined not to cry. Nya wasn't here, and Cole wasn't here, and crying wasn't going to change that. He could do this, he could get through it.

Being left to his own devices left too much time for him to start going down memory lane, and he was thrust into the memory of the day when his world shattered apart, the shards gouging holes in his heart to leave gaping wounds that he didn't know how they would heal at the time. His head had been hurting like he had smashed it into the wooden floor of the Bounty, winded as if he just recovered from a bad fall.

He wanted it back. Why couldn't he just have it back?

I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to turn to This all or nothing way of loving got me sleeping without you

He loved her too much to try and push her away again, and yet here he was, keeping her at arms-length when all she wanted to do was get closer and try to help.

Younger him would've rejoiced, reveled in the knowledge that Nya wanted him out of all people, but Jay knew better now. Knew how easy it was to get swept up in the current, to lose yourself in the tide that never quite receded.

To drown in it, because eventually you would forget that you had to keep swimming.

Sleeping was something that didn't come easily to him anyway, but now it was impossible to find. Apparently he had pissed off Mr. Sandman too, as he would spend night after night springing awake from some bad dream or another, only to find some sort of project in this damn lighthouse to keep him occupied. He needed distractions; distractions from how he had left Kai behind, how he didn't protect Zane, how he had damned Cole and Lloyd and Wu and Misako and everyone else in fucking Ninjago-

But mostly? He couldn't stop thinking about he had damned her too.

Now, I need somebody to know Somebody to heal Somebody to have Just to know how it feels It's easy to say but it's never the same I guess I kinda liked the way you helped me escape

She was right there. Nya was right there and he failed her, again.

Jay shivered in his chair, looking around his parents' trailer to try and find any trace of her. The only thing he could find was a framed photo that he had given his parents forever ago, from before their messy breakup and the fights and the Djinn. From when they were still happy. Sure, they were both smiling, Jay's arm wrapped around her shoulders and her arm around his waist, but...

Were they ever really happy? Or was Jay just too scared to admit that something wasn't right?

He clutched the photograph in his hands, watching as the wooden frame started to crack under the pressure. Maybe it was just because he grew up poor, but the cost of his escape had been too steep; it should've never been her.

It never should have been her.

But it was, and there was nothing he could about it now. The best he could do was hope and pray that his plan to rescue her wouldn't fall through, because he was running out of prayers.

It worked, and the price for that had been steep too. Would the heavy costs and the sacrifices ever end?

Years passed, and against his better judgement Jay thought that maybe it would.

Now the day bleeds Into nightfall

Was it night? He couldn't tell anymore. Slipping in and out of sleep was confusing, to say the least, and he had no idea how long he had spent laying down on this uncomfortable couch before someone would be lulling him back to sleep. Mr. Sandman must be taking pity on him.

And you're not here To get me through it all

But Nya was here; he could hear her voice, whispering to him in soft tones with gentle words, kissing his cheek and then his lips and playing with his hair and trying everything she knew to try and get him back to sleep.

Was he going crazy? Again?

First Master, it really was just like the ship all over again. He didn't remember the voices being able to touch him, though. That part was new. Oh well.

Gotta enjoy a nice dream while it lasts, right?

Why did someone start sobbing when he said that out loud?

I let my guard down And then you pulled the rug I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

Jay loved that she loved him, cared for him, trusted him, and he trusted her with his life and his soul. Knowing that she was there at his side always helped him get through the days; he was sure that he wouldn't still be here if something had ever happened to her. They were two halves of the same piece; maybe they didn't quite fit together all the way, but there was nothing they wouldn't do to make it work, that Jay wouldn't do to make it work.

So really, she had to stop doing stupid self-sacrificing shit. But he guessed that he wasn't really one to talk.

But becoming the sea?

And I tend to close my eyes when it hurts sometimes I fall into your arms I'll be safe in your sound 'til I come back around

She was never coming back around. Jay stood outside of the lighthouse, looking out across the ocean and watching as the tides flowed in and out, taking in the rocks just off-shore and the small rip-currents jaggedly cutting through the calm surface of the water.

Jay turned around, feeling the breeze start to blow his jacket into his back. Shutting his eyes, he let his element buzz around him, crackling and fizzing and popping The darkness was something familiar; he knew what to expect when he shut his eyes for too long, and he needed the familiarity no matter how traumatic the origins were. Without hesitating he let himself fall backwards into the surf, the cold water making him freeze up instantly as it washed over his face and into his nose.

He suppressed the natural urge to fight and get his face out of the water.

What was the point when she wouldn't be there to tell him how stupid he was being? To say that he should've worn a thicker jacket, to dry his clothes, to snuggle with him in the bed until he could finally feel his fingers and play with her hair?

For now the day bleeds Into nightfall And you're not here To get me through it all I let my guard down And then you pulled the rug I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

Jay wrote the same words over and over at least once a night. He didn't know why he was fixating so hard on them but he couldn't stop, and even now as his hands were trembling and his hair was dripping seawater onto the pages he was writing the same seven lines again. There was no one there to kiss his cheek and offer him tea and to laugh at how his hair looked like he had been dunked in a mop bucket.

He should've just stayed in the goddamn ocean.

But now the day bleeds Into nightfall And you're not here To get me through it all I let my guard down And then you pulled the rug I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

For some reason, Jay cut out the first two lines eventually. After a while, it just got a little redundant to keep saying that the day would go away and be replaced by the night; at least, that was his best guess for why one day he started writing three lines instead of seven. He read them over and over, again and again, feeling the bitterness and the anger and the sadness consume him from the inside out, and Jay knew that Nya would not recognize the man standing on the beach if she ever decided to walk back onto land one day.

But she never would, and Jay would never get used to the loss that spread through his chest like a disease, a cancer that there was no way to treat.

I let my guard down And then you pulled the rug I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

#finn's writing #ninjago #ninjago jay #ninjago fanfiction #ninjago songfic #jaya #ninjago jaya #shockwave #shockwaveshipping #anyways. should probably get back to work on whumptober tomorrow #but just wanted to write a little something something for you guys!

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nizomnas · 2 months

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Spoilers for Inside Out 2

So I watched Inside Out 2.

And what can I say. I cried.... a lot.

As a person who has anxiety too, this film has a really big meaning for me. I could relate to Anxiety the whole time.

Just a little bit of information. I have Hashimoto's disease. It's an autoimmune disease that kind of fucks your whole emotional world. You're more prone to depression and anxiety. That's not to say that I'm "much worse affected than others without the disease." I wish everyone who suffers from depression and anxiety a lot of strength and love.

Back to the actual topic.

All these What If "overthinking" scenarios that buzz around in your head day in, day out. These thoughts about whether you're good enough, whether you're worth it. This film clearly has the message

"Don't pretend, be yourself and don't put yourself under so much pressure."

Pressure is the worst thing you can do to yourself. The pressure to always do everything right, the pressure from society that also weighs on you.

My mum always says:

"Other children want to climb a tree and their only thought at that moment is how to get up the tree. "

"I, on the other hand, am the kind of person who, before climbing a tree, thinks about the best way to get down unharmed. "

(I hope that makes sense I guess ?)

What I'm getting at is that I'm way ahead of many people when it comes to my thinking, as I always think two steps ahead and therefore tend to overthink. Ergo, like Anxiety, I'm constantly stressed. (I'm definitely not saying that I'm better than others!)

I nibble on my fingernails and scratch old wounds all the time because I'm nervous. My best friend bought us a friendship necklace which I abuse as a nibbling necklace.

I felt understood the whole time I was watching the film. Many people don't understand that and say half-heartedly "don't stress yourself out so much" or "you need to calm down". Easier said than done

I have experienced many bad things in my past that have left their mark on me. Everyone is shaped by things in their life. Whether it's good or bad varies from person to person. This film made me feel understood.

I particularly liked the part where Riley had this panic attack. Ok wow that sounds really mean and nasty. But that was the first moment I cried. Anxiety was no longer in control. The doubts and bad feelings took over. She didn't know what to do, she panicked. She knew what she had done wrong. She never wanted anything bad. She only ever wanted the best for Riley.

And that's what Anxiety actually wants to do. Protect us from worse. In the film, they described Fear as "Fear protects Riley from danger". That's what Anxiety wants to do. Anxiety just doesn't know how. Anxiety wants to protect us from bad experiences in life, which is why we think about it and "ruin" the whole situation. And that only makes things worse in the end. Anxiety hurts us even though it wants the opposite.

I think it's nice that they didn't portray anxiety as "pure evil". I loved how they tried to reassure anxiety. To tell her "everything will be fine. Calm down and concentrate on the here and now. " that was the moment I cried for the second time and what? Cried for maybe 5 minutes straight?

We shouldn't be too hard on ourselves. We should try to make the best of every situation. But above all, we should always remain ourselves and not be someone we don't want to be.

#inside out 2 #inside out anxiety #anxi4ty #emotional talk #i love this movie #i cried a lot #i love pixar for making this masterpiece

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bokutosbiceps · 1 year

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Hello love! Hope all is well 😁 I'm not sure if you feel comfortable writing this, but a scenario where Midorima's gf is getting abused at home and she doesn't know how to tell him but maybe Takao assumes something is going on?

you’re safe with me

midorima shintarou x f!reader | angst + fluff | words

warnings: mentions of physical/psychological abuse, depression, anxiety, mild violence

a/n: this is the 2nd request i've gotten about abuse in like less than a week 😔 are y'all okay ? you can talk to me about anythingggg !! also,, this got really long + self indulgent, i hope you enjoy 💕

characters can be aged up to 18+ if reader is 18+, otherwise, no smut so minors feel free to interact

Kazunari wrung his fingers as he paced in his room, unsure of exactly what to do. He had just gotten off the phone with you. You, who were sobbing and telling Kazunari that your mother was after you again. After soothing you as best he could, he got you to open up and tell him what had happened.

You knew that your mother had taken a strong liking to Shintarou. She had said that he reminded her of your father back in the day, but now your father was gone and your mother was bitter. She couldn't stand to see you so happy when she was in so much pain. This, however, did not excuse her from treating you the way she did.

You had come home late after a night out with Shintarou and were feeling content. You explained that you had told your mother of your plans and she didn't seem to have any issues with it. She had actually told you to go have fun and stay out past your curfew if you wanted to. But when you got home, she was waiting up for you, furious. She immediately began to scream at you, telling you how inconsiderate you were, how you were a bitch, and how she wished she would have never given birth to such a bitch like you.

When you started to recount the physical abuse that your mother had imposed on you, Kazunari stopped you, unsure if he could stomach any more.

“Why don’t you tell Shin-chan what’s happening? Of course, I’m your friend and I care about you, but I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know. I know he would really appreciate knowing. He could probably help you more than I can.” Kazunari had said slowly, trying to make sure his best intentions came across.

He knew that Shintarou would be both hurt and furious to find out you’d been keeping this from him. It had been going on for far too long, anyways, to continue hiding this from him. He was your boyfriend and he loved you—so why did you feel so afraid to tell him?

You had sighed. “I really want to. But…I don't know. Part of me feels like I’m just complaining about it, and the other part of me feels like he wouldn't want to be involved with someone who has such an unstable family.” You sniffled. “I mean, you know, Kazu! The Midorima’s are practically perfect. Why would Shintarou want to be involved in my family drama?”

Kazunari didn't want to speak for Shintarou, so he didn't. He just told you that he thought you should tell him, solely because Shintarou cares about you more than anyone else. You had ended the phone call with a small chuckle, that had worried Kazunari, because why would you be laughing in a situation like this?

Now, he's seriously debating whether or not he should tell Shintarou what happened. He glanced at the time, one in the morning. No doubt, Shintarou would be in bed by now.

In an instant, acting on his impulse for your well being, Kazunari pressed the little phone icon next to Shintarou’s name. He tapped his foot impatiently while he listened to the monotonous ring, anxiously waiting for Shintarou to pick up. He didn't. So, he called again. And again. Four times he called, until an extremely annoyed Shintarou picked up.

“Takao, you better have a good reason for calling me four times at—” Shintarou brought the phone away from his ear to check the time, “one in the morning, nanodayo.”

“Shin-chan!” Kazunari felt his anxiety evaporate after finally getting a hold of him. It returned just as quickly though, once he realized the hardest part was not done yet. His tone got more serious. “I have to tell you something.”

The lack of the usual lilt in Kazunari’s voice made Shintarou straighten up. He'd only ever heard Kazunari be serious on a few occasions, so he knew this must be real. “Well, out with it.” Shintarou fidgeted with the hem of his nightshirt.

“It’s about y/n.” Kazunari sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “She…she's been having a hard time.” Shintarou’s silence signaled Kazunari to continue. He told Shintarou of how your mother had been beating you, shouting at you, and how you were afraid to tell him.

“Why wouldn't she tell me?” Shintarou’s soft voice startled Kazunari. He had never heard Shintarou’s tone reach that level of softness. He didn't even know it was possible.

“She believes that you wouldn't want to be involved in her family drama. I told her you care about her, but that's all I said. I think she needs to hear that from you.” Kazunari huffed. He felt better after he had looped Shintarou in on what was happening, but he still felt bad that he had gone against your wishes. It’s for her own good, though, he reasoned with himself.

A couple of seconds of silence followed. Kazunari got nervous. What was Shintarou thinking? How did he feel? Would he be mad at you and him for keeping these secrets?

After more silence, Shintarou finally spoke. “I’m going to go check on y/n.”

Kazunari’s eyes widened. He leapt up from where he was sitting on the floor of his room. “It’s almost two in the morning!”

“I won't be able to rest until I know she's okay.” Shintarou stood beside his bed and folded the sheets back over neatly. He walked over to his closet and pulled out joggers and a sweatshirt. He noticed his fingers were trembling.

“I understand that but shouldn't you deal with this after some rest?” Kazunari began to pace again.

“You're the one who decided to call me at one in the morning, nanodayo. Four times, I might add.” Shintarou quipped. Kazunari realized he was right and stayed silent, listening to the rustle of clothes as Shintarou got dressed.

“Sorry, Shin-chan. I just felt bad keeping it from you, and I was worried about y/n.”

Kazunari could hear the jingle of keys and shutting of doors. He heard the wind against the receiver of Shintarou’s phone, signifying he had made it outside.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Kazunari asked, breaking the tense silence.

“No, Takao, you’ve done enough.” Kazunari immediately felt bad. He'd probably ruined Shintarou’s night. He was about to apologize when Shintarou spoke up again. “Thank you.”

Kazunari smiled at his tsundere friend’s forced thanks. But he knew he meant it. He could tell. “You’re welcome, Shin-chan. Please let me know if y/n’s okay.”

Shintarou grunted in response and hung up so he could start running to your house. It wasn't that far, just a ten minute walk, so that would make it a four or five minute run, right? However, Shintarou felt like it took hours to reach your front door. He had never been so worried about anything in his whole life.

Images of you with bruises and cuts and a tear stained face flashed in his mind as he knocked on your front door. He shifted his weight from foot to foot as he waited. He raised his hand to knock again but was incredibly relieved when he heard the door being unlocked, then his uneasy feeling settled back into his stomach.

“Oh, Shintarou-chan!” Your mother beamed at him. “It’s pretty late, what are you doing here? An excellent young boy like you needs his rest.”

“I’m here to check on y/n.” Shintarou said, anger bubbling up inside of him. Seeing your mother standing there, acting like she hadn’t just ruined the beautiful night that you and him had just shared, made him furious. He tried to hide it, though, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

“She’s sleeping, so I’m afraid you can’t see her right now.” Your mother’s eyes began to dart around nervously, hoping that Shintarou wouldn’t insist on seeing you. He’d see the redness and swelling of the cheek that she had slapped just hours earlier. He’d see the fresh, red cut from where your mother had dug her nails into your arm. He’d see your tear stained face.

“Please, I insist.” Shintarou bowed politely before pushing past your mother into your house. He had never blatantly respected his elders, but in this moment, he didn’t care. Your mother did not deserve any respect—she had hurt you. That was unforgivable.

Shintarou didn’t hear the protests and babbles of your mother as he made his way to your room and knocked on the door before deciding to just open the door. He couldn’t wait another second of not seeing you.

Your room was dark and you were in bed, turned on your side away from him. He could tell you were awake, though, because he could see your thumb scrolling on your phone and hear music overflowing from your headphones. He walked in and shut the door behind him, locking it, so that your mother couldn’t intrude. He could hear her wailing outside the door, but still decided to ignore it. What an unstable woman.

He approached your bed and lightly touched your shoulder, causing you to jump up and cower in fear. His heart ached at your reaction to being touched. You had never been like that with him, you must’ve thought that he was actually your mother coming back to harass you.

You relaxed once you realized it was your boyfriend. “Shin? What are you doing here?”

“I-I came to check on you.” Shintarou took a deep breath. “Takao told me everything.”

Your bottom lip wobbled as Shintarou told you everything that Kazunari had said. You weren’t mad at Kazunari at all, you were actually grateful that someone was able to tell Shintarou that you needed help. You didn’t want him to think you were weak, or a complainer. You collapsed to the floor in relief, sobs wracking your body.

Shintarou moved over to you and wrapped you up in his arms, gently bringing your head to rest on his shoulder and stroking your hair as you sobbed.

“You are so brave, love. I can understand why you didn’t want to tell me anything, but just know, I am always here for you. No matter what.” Shintarou let out a dry chuckle. “That’s why I’m here at two in the morning.”

You sniffled against Shintarou’s sweatshirt, muttering a small but sincere thank you. He just squeezed you tighter and held for a moment, letting you cry your heart out as much as you needed. But he desperately wanted to make sure you were okay.

“Can I see you?” Shintarou asked softly, using one of his hands to reach to your bedside lamp and turn it on. You hesitated but eventually backed away from his shoulder. Shintarou felt his breath get caught in his throat as he finally got a look at your face.

He saw a bruise forming over your right cheek, as well as a long and fresh cut along your neck. He clenched his jaw as even more rage welled up inside of him. He had never wanted to commit an act of violence against another human being, but your mother would have been an exception to him at the moment. He decided to focus back on you.

“Does it hurt?” Shintarou asked softly, reaching up to lightly graze your cheek. You winced a little bit, causing him to draw his hand back.

“Not anymore. Just kind of stings when you touch it.” You offered him a reassuring smile. Shintarou stared at you for another moment or two before abruptly standing up and moving to your closet, throwing it open.

“Pack what you need, you’re leaving this place.”

“What?” You stood to approach him and he turned to you, his face slightly red with adrenaline.

“You’re staying with me for a while.” Shintarou rummaged through your closet for a duffle bag or suitcase, and upon finding a small suitcase, brought it out and placed it on your bed.

“Shin, I can’t just leave!” You protested, watching as he opened the suitcase to prepare it to be filled.

“Yes, you can, nanodayo. You’re not safe here. Either you’re coming with me or I’m calling the authorities on your mother.”

Even though you know she’d deserve it, you didn’t want that for your mother. You sighed in defeat. You knew you couldn’t continue to take your mother’s abuse. Even if you were her daughter, you didn’t deserve this. You moved to the closet and began to take out some clothes that you wore often.

“We can go shopping for toiletries tomorrow, just clothes and underwear.” Shintarou instructed. Your hesitancy left your body as you continued to pack, feeling excited and relieved to finally be leaving this place for a while. Once you were packed, Shintarou unlocked your door and stepped out into the hallway, making sure that your mother was not around. Once he decided it was safe, he grabbed you by the hand and ran out of your house with you, not bothering to close the front door behind the two of you.

You both ran until you were down the street and around the corner, far enough away that your mother wouldn’t be able to see. You let go of Shintarou’s hand and stood still to catch your breath, leaning on Shintarou as he wrapped an arm around you.

You felt your eyes begin to well with tears again. You couldn’t believe that you had just run away. Even more, you couldn’t believe that your prim and proper boyfriend had just helped you. You dropped your suitcase and threw your arms around Shintarou’s neck, letting yourself cry into his shoulder once again.

“Thank you, Shin.” You choked out. “I love you.”

Shintarou smiled softly and held you firmly, certain that he would never let you go again. “Of course, y/n. You’re safe with me.”

#kuroko no basuke #knb #midorima shintarou #midorima shintarou x reader #midorima x reader #midorima #takao kazunari #takao

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the-guardian-kitsune · 1 month

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hi everybody, this is the admin of this page talking today. this post is going to get extremely heavy on topics of mental health and struggle, mental issues and suicide thoughts, so if any of these topics is too much for you, please avoid reading. also, i'm writing this on the moment so if it's more of a word vomit than anything i apologise.

first thing first, i'd like to apologise for my not-so-consistent presence here in the past months, when in reality i had hoped that the summer break would have helped me make a grand comeback, but unfortunately it wasn't the case.

this year didn't start well for me and, currently, is proceeding in an even worse direction, making me feel like i'm falling deeper and deeper into a hole that's getting more suffocating the more i sink.

this year starting with a huge mental breakdown for me, as i wanted to abandon university and find a job, because i have huge struggles studying and i felt like i was wasting time and money, but my family denied me the possibility, forcing me to keep studying even if i didn't want to (and i still don't want to, but again, i'm forced to). then, a couple of months after, my mother fell sick one night and since then it became a spiral of hospitals, check-ups, transfers and such, but they served nothing.

in the end, my mother succumbed almost three months ago, leaving behind a huge gap that will never be filled again. we didn't have the best relationship but, you know, she was still my mother — a fairly young one, if i must add, and we loved each other despite being such different people.

since then, things got worse more and more, because i feel like i have become a punching bag for my relatives, and this, mixed with the pain for the loss and the university problems and my own issues, just worsened my mental health, so much so i... well, i can hardly not wish not to join my mother, because all of this is getting more and more unbearable with each passing day.

for those of you who don't know, i've had heavy suspects of suffering from adhd for a while and now, in light of this year's events so far, i think anxiety joined the ride to hell. unfortunately though, i'm unable to seek professional help and/or recognition, so all i can do for now is live with the doubt about these conditions and wait until i can seek the much needed and wanted help.

all of this is to say: i am not going to be much active despite my desire to, because this place really makes me feel warm and safe and relaxed, but my dark thoughts prevent me from even enjoying as much as a good writing on the site or interacting with other people, or go outside, or anything that has to do with being social.

i'm sorry if this post won't be the one that maybe some of you hoped for, a written piece perhaps, or a tagging game, or anything of the sort all happy and silly, but i felt like i did own an explanation because i think i made a few friends here which, unfortunately, i don't have on other platforms and i had to explain so they wouldn't worry too much (but i think this post will gain the opposite effect...)

in the end, this is everything i wanted to say and, i don't know, i guess i'll be on a hiatus except from reading and liking until i feel somewhat better enough.

please take care and i love you <3

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mysterious-moonstruck-musings · 1 year

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Hej,

please…please tag me in the list I nearly overlook you next chapter 23!

I praised you work before and i really freak out about it, because it’s so dam good.

I have a little request!

If you have the time 🙏 Tell me a little bit about the inspiration for the story? You create such an deep and real universe and brings the characters to life.

Both Dieter and Talia… I can’t get over it….think about the backstory/you description about Dieters behavior about relationships and it’s haunt’s me.

How did you start with the story in the first place? Is there some personal experience you weave into the story? And it’s this your first posting a story like this or did you write other story before?

Sorry, I have so much more question’s to you, but these haunting me the most!

And I know the story between these two lovebirds isn’t over…but i personally hope to read much more from you in the future ☺️

Praises, praise, praise… for you talents!

And thanks for tell about the good and bad parts of life! Where there is darkness, there is also light 😍 ah i love Happy Ends!

I move over to chapter 23 now…can’t wait to read his finally!

Best wishes and thank you!!

Thanks for the ask and kind words! 😭💜

More after the cut because it got kind of long…

This is indeed the first fic I have written on Tumblr. I used to write a lot when I was younger. I wrote a lot of poetry. I even did a horror trilogy once in high school for creative writing, which several of my teachers loved and others thought I was off my rocker…but I digress. 🤣

Once I started college and got my big girl job in higher education, I pretty much stopped writing for fun. I just didn’t have the time or the mental energy to do it. I finally gave up on higher education work after 16 years for a job that has a better work/life balance and I’m finally getting back into writing again. It’s been hard to get my mind reprogrammed from writing data driven reports and evidence based research, to this. It’s two very different things that uses very different language and I feel sooo out of practice. I am, however, slowly finding my way back.

I have mentioned little tidbits about my personal experiences in the Today’s Musings Extras for this fic. I’ve not gone into too many details because I don’t want to inadvertently spoil anything. I am indeed drawing heavily from life experiences for this fic unfortunately.

Everything I have witnessed, I wasn’t always directly involved in. Some of it was just the nature of my job. I did spend three years working in student conduct and behavioral intervention. A lot of the conduct issues really came down to students who were having personal troubles and really just needed help. A lot of it was mental health struggles or problems at home related to mental health struggles of family members. I worked closely with our counseling center during this time. I gained some amazing friends and learned a lot in the process.

With that said, A LOT of this is coming from things I have dealt with directly. There is a lot of me in Talia…the high functioning anxiety, the self doubt, the compartmentalization and rationalization. I work in IT and I’m a big crafting nerd too. So all those parts of her, do come from me. The other parts like the PTSD, history of emotional and psychological abuse, and drinking come from people I’m close to and have witnessed the affects of firsthand.

Dieter is one of my favorite Pedro boys and I felt like he was a great vehicle for exploring these topics. This version of Dieter is inspired by people in my life as well. The experiences he is having are very much pulling from multiple real life situations. They were and still are hard to deal with some days. I feel like it’s important that readers get to see all sides of these types of situations. Especially the side of those who are affected by the mental health struggles of those closest to them. That is something that is often overlooked and those people suffer in silence, just as much as the individuals who are experiencing the mental health crises themselves. That’s all I’ll say for now to avoid spoiling anything. Check back with me after we find out what is going on with Dieter and I might share more about what inspired his journey.

As far a the actual storyline goes, it’s all made up based around the traits I have created for these two and Dieter’s character in The Bubble.

Thank you for the ask and no worries about all the questions! I love that you want to know more about the story!

And lastly, I tried adding you to the tag list, but it won’t let me tag you. Do you possibly have your visibility settings turned off? I’m not sure what else would cause that. ☹️

#dieter bravo #dieter bravo fic #destiny & deliverance series #talk to me about d & d #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #dieter bravo fanfiction #dieter bravo x oc #pedro pascal character fanfic #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal fanfiction #talk to me

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