To whoever is reading this: I'm sorry if I ever tried to reach out or communicate with you and ended up being totally cringe or unable to connect with you, even tho I wish I were able to. I'm having a hard time making friends or connecting with people. I know that people are busy and have their own life to navigate through and don't always have the time or energy to respond.
I wish I were able to reach out to people when I see something that reminds me of them or their OCs or that I think they might like, but I fear that they'll ignore me or are too busy and forget about me.
I just needed to get this off my chest because I'm feeling down at the moment. Feel free to ignore.
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the allergy i am seeing grow up around small talk in any form is troubling to me. do you know how to make friends with people in your physical environment? it typically starts with small talk. do you want to live in community? small talk. do you want to have the type of relationship with your neighbors where you can run over and borrow a battery for your smoke detector when it starts beeping at 10pm? small talk!! do you want leeway from your coworkers when you fuck up something small? you gotta be able to build a relationship and that's small talk, baybeee.
"but i don't need friends and i don't care about community!" okay, lone ranger, what about the people in your community who need you? "but i have social anxiety!" me too, bud! we simply must soldier on. making up lists of questions to ask people helps. and people are predisposed to be generous, i've found. even if you make some kind of mistake, what is this but the natural give and take of human interaction? nobody is perfect.
you were not put on this earth to live by yourself and then die. you need people and people need you. treat those around you with curiosity and generousness of spirit and you will gain so much goodwill in return.
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no matter how “little” you think you struggle, you still matter, and you’re so worth caring for.
sometimes, people can tell you that they’ve struggled more, or that you don’t know what they went through. but in reality, we’re all struggling in some way, and just because you think you struggle “less” than most people, doesn’t mean that you matter less than they do. even if you’re happy, healing, not struggling that much, you still matter. you don’t have to feel guilty just for doing just a little better than most.
in truth, we don’t know the full of what people went through, or we don’t know anything at all. we don’t always understand what someone goes through, and I feel like, we don’t have to. we can put in effort, of course, but the least we can do is be there for them.
But just because you see that they seem to be struggling more, it doesn’t make you less worthy to be cared for. All of us have gone through something or is going through something to be who we are now. People say “you don’t know what i went through”, but at the same time they don’t know what you went through either. And even if it seems less than what they went through, you still went through something.
You’re worth caring for. All of what you went through is VALID. You’re safe here ^^
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I'm just thinkin' about how Eda pushed Raine away because of the curse.
She was afraid to let them in. She was afraid to ask them for help, or share how she was feeling...she was scared to show the side of herself that was messy and dangerous and painful and (in her mind) unlovable.
But when she finally let Raine see who she actually was...
...this was their reaction.
...they love all of her. Including those messy and dangerous and painful parts.
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I love that Adaine goes, “Oh, she’s STUPID” whenever an NPC has an off moment when her best friends are:
-a guy who tried to fight hardened pirates with the members of his dad’s pyramid scheme
-a girl who tried to ribbon dance down a tower
-a guy who got tattoos of incomplete anagrams because he thought they were clues
-a guy who thought every stranger was his dad
-Hilda Hilda
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The older I get, and the more on fire the world seems to be the more I feel comforted and SEEN by Sir Terry Pratchett and Discworld.
Not because all the books are inherently comfortable so much as because they feel like someone taking you by the hand and saying; “I know. I’m just as angry about this bullshit. But we can hold hands. But the sun still rises. But hope is still important. Hope wears steel toed boots and smiles with pink and bloody teeth and will make you laugh and will make you cry. It’s not okay. But we’re in the shit together, and some day it’s gonna be less shit.”
This got away from me.
What I’m saying is, I’ve got a shovel.
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