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#I am a normal and well-adjusted individual
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Bellamy Blake and Clarke griffin are too normal about each other in a significant amount of content about them and I don't know why. These are not two well adjusted individuals, kind and well intentioned, yes, but they are both ready and willing to kill mass amounts of people just to keep who they care about safe. They will kill and maim if they have to, themselves, each other, nobody is safe and why am I not hearing about it!! Why is there no blood and teeth and rage!! They are Mind and Heart, they can't exist without the other and it's painful! it hurts them! it hurts the people around them!!. I mean in Josephine's Bellarke monologue, both her and Bellamy acknowledge that the relationship between them is weird and exhausting. And he still does everything in his power to bring her back. This was meandering and ranting but I'll end this with the general summary of: Let Bellarke be weird and co-dependent and angry and irrational about each other, it's their natural habitat.
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boobskin · 5 months
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the fun thing about being emotionally abused is it's almost impossible to tell if you're actually being emotionally abused or if it's all your fault because you're a bad person
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pepprs · 1 year
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lmaooooo i think i need to quit teaching forever and also bury myself in a hole. lol
#purrs#grading papers on a sunday and the WAYYYYY this one students paper just hurt my feelings so fucking bad. i mean it’s not just hers but like.#god. it’s the most childish thing in the world (which makes sense / is the literal problem. that i am a child.) but im coteaching this class#(WHICH I TOOK and my co-instructors were MY instructors and now im replacing one of them who’s also the one who left in july lol 😍😍😍😍😍😍) and#ive had WICKED impostor syndrome bc… not to air it all out but im airing it all out bc im so mad lol. they’re both older men with phds and w#wives and families and im a 24 year old in the first year of her career with a bachelors degree who stilllives at home w her parents and#also the two of them and the third instructor literaly developed this class together and again i TOOK IT as a student in their class 2 years#ago. so again… WICKED impostor syndrome. and the class is all abt figuring out how to thrive in different contexts that are constrained by s#social norms so it’s relevant to talk abt impostor syndrome and i have talked about it. and also i get substantial parts to lead in the#classes and whatever and take attendance and grade papers and send out emails to the whole class etc etc. so WHY are the other two#instructors getting shoutouts in the papers and i am getting… NOTHING!!!! naught a SINGLE mention. when i am literally fucking LIVING#THROUGH the things we’re taking abt in class abt the first year of ur career and impostor syndrome and shit……. oh iknow why! because they#don’t actually see me as an instructor because im short and a nothing girl and an IMPOSTOR!!!!! LOLLLLL 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 and the book chapter was the#same too lol like im the only co-author who doesn’t actually get individually named as making a contribution in the text of it and nobody#noticed but me because it’s a stupid thing to notice but i still noticed. awesome. i love being invisible and not actually mattering ♥️ <#<- has the mental illness that makes you utterly unable to see evidence of how you actually do matter and only hyperfocus on the evidence th#that you don’t <- but also is trapped in the psychijc prison of some parts of her environment telling her she does matter and other parts t#telling her she doesn’t so can you blame her for going CRAZY!!!!!!!!! like is this literally not the normal well adjusted reaction to have#to GENUINELY LEGITIMATELY JUSTIFIABLY upsetting thigns. when the circumstances are fucked up and deleterious 😍😍😍😍😍😍#delete later#oh also im apparently not even an official instructor in Da System (which is a problem and it is not supposed to be that way) so i won’t#even get to read abt how the students fucking forgot about me and think im a nothing girl because they won’t even have a chance to give me#that feedback!!! lol. i think * and * should just do everything together because they are both qualified to do it. and i should spin off#into the abyss and quit my job and never be heard from again. that’s how this shit makes me feel. like ik it’s just a couple of students and#their opinions literally don’t matter but im like hm how about i go fuck off then since clearly i don’t make a difference to you. lole <3#* i won’t get that feedback etc etc bc i am not going to get course evals because im not in Da System. lol ♥️
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lesbians4scully · 1 year
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sometimes i forget how genuinely parasocially attached i am to wilbur like oh my god i try and avoid it but hes been the little guy in my laptop for like 5 yrs i watched him in high school i watched him in sixth form ycgma made me Actively So Much Worse in uni i watch him now as a Dropout i watched him start wilbur music and now lovejoy are playing live shows he introduced me to lc! which r my fave band ever now liiiiiiike. Man
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jesusology · 1 year
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i am going to be soooo ruined when succession ends
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dsfjjshgffdg · 2 years
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trying to not think abt The Issues bc its the holidays and i want to have a nice time but its hard man
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evenedenwrites · 1 year
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saw tsn last night. cried, as one does. then this morning i saw it's october 1st which means it's the 13th anniversary of the film's release in the us. so of course i'm watching the movie again tonight, but this time with tissues aplenty.
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self care is modding in a bazillion different outfit variations into a game for absolute no reason other then you simply can
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no-one-hears-me · 1 year
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why do my friends always leave me
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zukosdualdao · 21 days
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so, this post was originally born from a post i saw a couple of months ago that was deriding people for criticizing katara’s main role in lok being a healer when that was never all she wanted to do but liking the scene where she heals zuko in sozin's comet. at the time i thought about responding directly and decided against it, but i have since scanned through transcripts of every instance (i could find; it's possible i could be missing something) of katara healing someone in the show and how they respond. (you know, like a normal and well-adjusted individual. lmao.)
anyway, aside from katara explicitly stating that she doesn’t only want to be a healer, another aspect of why people don’t like that this is how her story goes in lok is because of the way healing is treated in the atla narrative.
Katara: Aang, you're burned! Let me help you. [Katara heals the burn on Aang's arm.] Aang: Wow, that's good water. Sokka: When did you learn that? Katara: I guess I always knew. Sokka: [Sarcastically.] Oh ... Well then thanks for all the first aid over the years. Like when I fell into the greaseberry bramble. [Angrily.] Or that time I had two fishhooks in my thumb!
this comes, of course, after aang accidentally burns katara and she learns she can heal through her waterbending by healing her own hands. then (after comforting aang despite being the one who got hurt, not that i'm bitter), she heals aang after he gets burned in his fight with zhao. and like... there's not so much as a cursory thanks in this scene.
to be clear, because i can already hear some responses in my head and i am making a preemptive strike: i'm not saying that when other characters don't thank katara for her healing, they're like, the worst people ever for not doing so or there aren't other ways at different times where they show their appreciation. what i am saying is that it feels like this sets up a long pattern of katara's healing specifically being taken for granted, and it makes me especially uncomfortable when i see her healing as a sort of metaphorical parallel to the emotional labor often expected of her in the show, especially because this and being The Avatar's Girlfriend/Wife is more or less what she's relegated to in post-canon.
also, i have to note sokka's line here. i don't want to come down on him too hard for this, because it's obviously being written humorously (and does genuinely make me laugh, for what it's worth, if just for the inherent ridiculous nature of two fishhooks), but his sarcastically saying thanks for all the help over the years when katara says she always knew (which is supposed to be her saying it just somehow instinctively came to her) does feel like another mark in this pattern. but i also really read this as sokka trying to lighten the mood after a Difficult (TM) day, so i cut both him and the writers some slack for it.
Meanwhile, back at the Outer Wall, Katara attempts to heal a member of the Terra Team. General Sung: What's wrong with him? He doesn't look injured. Katara: His chi is blocked. [Stops healing.] Who did this to you?
i find it interesting that katara has sort of naturally fallen into a token team healer role, to the degree that we don't even see them ask for her help or her agree to it; it's just automatically assumed that she will. and i mean, on the one hand, it's fairly standard to have an Assumed Healer in a fantasy action setting like this, where people will get hurt in combat and therefore the narrative needs someone whose job is to help them. the problem for me is that the show kicked up such a fuss about how women shouldn't just be allowed to be healers, and yet it's still the role no one but katara ever fills. aang is also a waterbender! why couldn't she have taught him healing, too? i genuinely think it would have added a lot to the story, but katara is The Girl (TM), so healing is what she (and only she) does, what's expected of her, and again, with very rare thanks for it.
Katara stares open-mouthed at Jet, her hands hovering near her mouth in shock. Snapping out of it, she withdraws water from her water skin, with which she covers her hands, and it begins to glow as she kneels down next to him. Cut to a shot from over her shoulder, with Jet glancing at her while she rubs her hands over his chest in an attempt to heal him. After rubbing his chest three times, the glow fades, the water stains Jet's clothing, and Katara looks back over her shoulder toward the rest of the group. Katara: This isn't good. Smellerbee: You guys go and find Appa. We'll take care of Jet. Katara: We're not going to leave you. Longshot: There's no time. Just go. We'll take care of him. He's our leader. They stare at Longshot in surprise. Jet: Don't worry, Katara. I'll be fine. [Smiles a little.]
Cut to a closer shot of Katara placing Aang's body on Appa. Katara opens the vial around her neck and uses water healing on Aang's wounded back. The rest of Team Avatar, Kuei, and Bosco all look sadly and in anticipation. The glowing from the spirit water stops, and Katara starts crying, assuming that it was not enough to save Aang. Aang's tattoos glow for a second and Aang groans. Katara, overcome with joy that Aang is alive, looks at him, who smiles a little, and she holds him closer.
writing about these together because i have less to say about them. i'm definitely not going to fault jet for not thanking katara when she tries to heal him as he literally lay dying, or aang for not having the mind to do so after she brings him back. but i am still going to fault the narrative for putting her in a position where healing is just inherently expected from her and yet very rarely allowing her to feel the emotional toll of that or to feel constricted by it. and when she does struggle against the weight of it (not necessarily of being a healer, but of being expected to be kind and good and uncomplicated with no room for other aspects of her identity, which are very tangled up in why she is The Healer) in episodes like the runaway or in the southern raiders, she just... does not receive a lot of support from the people she should be most able to rely on.
Katara: Maybe we should go upstairs. [Helping Aang up.] You need a healing session. Back in Aang's room on the ship. Katara bends some water onto the scar left by Azula's lightning attack. Katara: Tell me where the pain feels most intense. Aang: Mmm, a little higher. Uhhh! Aang briefly flashes back to the battle at Old Ba Sing Se where he rose into the Avatar State, then back to reality. Aang: Wow, you're definitely in the right area there.
not much to say here, it's just another instance where it would have been so easy to slip one thank you in, and the writers just... do not. the reason i think it bothers me so much with aang specifically is because katara is supposed to be both aang's physical healer and his emotional crutch in a way that she's not written as being for, say, toph or sokka. he's sometimes shown appreciation for her emotional support, but he still comes to rely on and expect it in ways that do not always feel healthy, and knowing that, it bothers me that he shows even less appreciation for her healing, because it's just what katara is there for.
A figure resembling the Painted Lady glides over the water on a carpet of fog and enters the village. She steps into a hut where several people are sleeping on the floor, and bends over each of them in turn, healing them with a blue glow. Her last patient is the mother of the little boy seen earlier, her son sleeping at her side. He wakes as the Painted Lady turns to go and silently follows her out the door. Little boy: Thank you, Painted Lady.
this is a genuinely sweet scene in which katara does receive appreciation and genuine thanks for her healing, but i think it's also worth noting that katara is not being recognized as herself here. still, i am genuinely very glad that it's included in the episode because (again, unless i am missing something) it is the first time katara gets thanked for her healing.
The scene cuts to show Appa landing on the edge of the battlefield. Sokka and Katara help Hakoda onto the ground, and Katara starts trying to heal him. Katara: How does that feel, Dad? Hakoda: Ah, a little, better. I need, to get back to the troops. [Attempts to stand but is too weak to.] Ahh! Katara: You're hurt, badly. You can't fight anymore. Hakoda: Everyone's counting on me to lead this mission Katara, I won't let them down. [Attempts to stand again but can't.] Ahh! Sokka: Can't you heal him any faster?
they're in a high intensity situation, and sokka is Stressed because hakoda is supposed to lead the mission, so i, like, Get It, but "can't you heal him any faster?" does strike me as another moment in which katara's healing is being taken for granted. i think it's something that would bother me a lot less if this was an isolated incident in the writing, but *gestures vaguely at whole post*.
Sokka: [Brightening.] Dad! [Rising and approaching the two.] You're on your feet again. Hakoda: [Sitting down; somewhat weakly.] Thanks to your sister.
that being said, in the next hakoda and katara scene, there is this very sweet moment, where hakoda might not be thanking katara directly but is showing a lot of appreciation and admiration for her skill in healing (and though she's not in the dialogue i included, she's around to hear it, which makes me happy.)
Katara: It's gonna take a while for your feet to get better. [Stops healing.] I wish I could have worked on them sooner. Toph: Yeah, me too.
once again, i'm not gonna fault toph for wishing katara could have healed her feet sooner, because she's been in pain all night, but the writers could have very easily (as they could have in any of these scenes!) chosen to include a perfunctory 'thanks' here, and they just didn't. i know this is getting repetitive, but i swear it's because it's largely more me being mad at the writers than the characters, lmao.
there are also a couple of scenes in which katara doesn't heal anyone, but her healing gets brought up by aang.
Aang: He doesn't look sick. You okay, buddy? [Appa groans and Aang pulls out Appa's purple tongue.] His tongue is purple! That can't be good. Katara, can you heal him?
to be fair, aang asks here, and it's not like aang gets defensive or angry when katara says appa needs medicine (and also to be fair, appa's not even actually sick, lmao, katara's being slightly trickstery), but it's another instance where katara is automatically positioned as the person who is and should be responsible for healing.
Aang: [Chuckles.] Well, not over over. I mean there's always Katara and a little Spirit Water action, [Turns to Katara.] am I right? Katara: Actually, I used it all up after Azula shot you. Aang: [Disappointed.] Oh.
i actually don't mind this so much as a writing moment, as i think it's a lot more intentional wrt aang not always conceptualizing the reality of the violence he’s facing. still, it’s another instance of katara’s ability to heal and care for him being taken for granted, and i find it especially notable it’s in of the last significant moments they share together (the other being an argument as katara urges him not to run away from the reality of their situation with ozai) before they spend the rest of the finale separate until they’re kissing without a word at the end.
and then there is the zutara healing scene, where katara heals zuko after he interferes and takes azula’s lightning to the chest when she’s aiming for katara.
Cut to Katara as she rolls Zuko on to his back and begins healing him. Zuko opens his eyes, feeling the pain lessen, and smiles weakly at Katara, who smiles back as she sheds a tear.
Zuko: Thank you, Katara.
Katara: I think I'm the one who should be thanking you.
it seems fair to me to say that one of the reasons the motifs of healing in the zutara are dynamic are so appreciated by their fans is because of how it contrasts to a lot of moments where the work katara does with her healing is under-appreciated. for one thing, it happens as part of a mutual exchange—katara heals zuko after he gets hurt saving her. (this also somewhat calls back to their scenes together in the crystal caves in the tcod, where she offers to heal his scar after they are trapped together and zuko extends her empathy.) it’s based in reciprocity. it’s also, as shown here, one of the few moments of explicit, heartfelt appreciation and thanks given for katara’s healing.
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siconetribal · 2 months
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Beyond the Bookshelves (7)
Pairing: Loki x Reader
Warnings: Time to clean up the mess!
Summary: You’re a Resource Management Specialist at S.H.I.E.L.D. normally referred to as “The Librarian”. You’ve been assigned the nightmarish task of digitizing all the physical resources currently owned by the agency, with a few new computers and one extra helper.
A/N:
Thanks for patiently waiting! I had a safe and easy flight, but the jet lag was a real troublemaker. But now I’m back, less brain foggy and ready to type. Without further ado, here is the next part!
Please comment/like/reblog. If you’d like to be tagged moving forward, please let me know! (If I missed any tags, please let me know, I’ll add you right away!) I’d also greatly appreciate it if rebloggers remember to add the tags (or some at least).
The lovely banners used in this fic are from @cafekitsune.
If you’re new to the story, please check out the master post for the rest of the chapters.
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As much as it pained Loki to admit it, Thor was correct. He needed to clear the air so that he may resume his attendance to the one solace he had in the entirety of the compound outside his own quarters. The next day, the younger prince walked towards the library once more. He paused at the doors, raising a fist to knock but failed to make contact with the wood. 
There’s no promise that she would read my email. What exactly would I type? I was unable to attend because of extended training? This is something that can easily be said in person and I won’t have to deal with that silly computer and all the unnecessary security keys and checks! He reaffirmed his choice, tugging at the lapels of his black suit coat and adjusting the length of his shirt cuffs. Technology was marvelous, but it was a hassle to deal with when trying to access something as simple as his emails.
Clearing his throat and straightening himself up, he focused his attention back onto the door and gave three quick knocks.
“Loki, the second prince of Asgard and Avenger, is forbidden from entering the library until cleared by Director Y/LN, the Librarian. You are unable to access this portion of the facility until further notice.” The computer voice warned him, as he expected.
“Yes, I am quite aware of that. I wish to speak with the Librarian about this matter.”
“You are unauthorized to enter.”
“I understand that she has put that ridiculous restriction in, but I am here to discuss that matter with her. I’m not entering for my leisure.”
“You are still unauthorized to enter.”
“As I said, I understand. I am not here for reading, I am here to meet with the Librarian. How else do you expect me to clarify this misunderstanding without talking to her?” There was a little edge of annoyance in his tone, but the prince kept his cool. The computer was not going to understand or aid him in this matter. It was merely a messenger between the two of them.
“Would you like to set up an appointment with the Librarian?”
“Yes, fine, I would like to set up an appointment!”
“A request for an appointment has been sent to Director YL/N. Please check your email for a response. Will that be all?”
“Very well,” he let out a heavy sigh and waved a hand in a dismissively, not that there was a person there to dismiss. Feeling foolish yet again for speaking to nothing, he turned and walked down the hallway towards the first meeting of his day. 
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It took some time, but the agents had gotten the new plan detailed and submitted for approval. Pruyn’s irritation was Loki’s pleasure. The meeting went smoothly, the plan that Loki suggested was the one to get unanimous approval from the directors, and the agents who argued against her were scolded to not waste time and get the mission properly planned and initiated. Loki was to play the part of a wealthy individual who had some questionable sources of income and gifts that needed laundering, and Natasha would be his most trusted personal assistant that handled his comings and goings.
“Loki will play the role of Mr. Walker and Natasha will play the role of his personal assistant, Jen. The profiles we’ve created have been shared with everyone. Please review them before our next meeting to discuss anything that may need to be adjusted or clarified.” Agent Pruyn tapped the button on the remote in his hand to change to the next slide. “There is a small charity ball next month, one that our target frequents. We’ve already started leaving hints and clues that there is a new person on the scene, and have made him someone of great interest to invite. We are expecting an invitation in the coming weeks. No one has really seen Mr. Walker, which will generate more intrigue.”
“I will make my first contact with our target at this gala then. A simple greeting should suffice. A relationship will strike up naturally if we meet frequently in gatherings such as this.” Loki picked up the flash drive that was provided to each of them that contained the files of this mission.
“I’ll get friendly with his secretaries and get the necessary gossip going. I can feed them something that could be considered interesting, and they’ll relay it to the target for us.” Natasha added. “If we play our cards right, this mission could be easy enough, but we need to be careful.”
“We must exercise the greatest caution. He is not someone to ignore even the slightest of suspicion. We need to keep him completely unaware. If he is suspicious, we need to give him a reason that would dispel it as something expected of someone like him.” Loki nodded his head, Agent Pruyn clenched his teeth and took a deep breath.
“Yes, we will keep that in mind. As of now, this is all the information we have to discuss. Please review all the information in the files so we can go into detail in our next meeting, which will be scheduled in accordance to your schedules.”
“Sounds good to me,” Clint lightly tapped the butt of his flash drive on the table and stood up. Raising his hand that held it for all to see, he nodded his head and left first. Everyone else filed out after him, though they waited until Loki was out to avoid him. Their avoidance stung, but it was not surprising, and it no longer hurt him. He was used to such behaviors and found it more of a nuisance than anything else.
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It has been two whole days and no response to my inquiry yet? She must be purposely ignoring me and has the computer system making a fool of me! Loki slammed his fist onto the table, startling the surrounding staff. They quickly shuffled away, muttering their concerns as he seethed in silence. If looks could kill, the table he sat at would have disintegrated a good ten times over
“What’s got Houdini’s undies all twisted up?” Tony turned around in his seat to look at the hunched over back of the second prince.
“Beats me, he was fine during our meeting a couple of days ago and did good in today’s training.” Clint shrugged his shoulders, glancing over his shoulder at the newest Avenger. He understood the effects of the Mind Stone and how it warped and tormented Loki, but he still found it all to be a tad too convenient. There had to be some level of self in all that happened, but Clint also knew they worked in things that made no sense at all and was trying his best to give him benefit of the doubt. He concluded that if this mission was a success, then he would absolve Loki of his sins in his mind. It would be easy to catch him lying or not putting in the proper effort, which would mean he was only using the Mind Stone as an excuse.
“My brother? It’s nothing, he’s merely upset that the Librarian has refused to meet with him.” Thor took a bite of his sandwich, undisturbed by his brother’s ire.
“The Librarian? What’d he do to get on her bad side? I didn’t even know she had one!” Tony’s eyebrows shot upwards as he looked between the two princes. “That’s something I didn’t think was possible.”
“It’s a small misunderstanding. She requested assistance from us on a task given to her by Fury. We agreed to help when we can, and he was supposed to meet with to create a plan of how to complete it. We had that lengthy training session that day, and he ended up missing the meeting and also had no real means of informing her of this.”
“So she got angry, why? If he just explained to her, I don’t see why she’d get angry. Y/N isn’t that irrational.” Clint frowned.
“See, that’s the issue there, he never explained it to her because he forgot he made such a promise. When he finally got around to going to the library, he continued on as usual with disregard to her and his word. That is what led to the predicament he is in now.”
“So why doesn’t he just go talk to her?”
“He’s tried, she won’t see him.” Thor shrugged, taking another bite of his food.
“Hold up, you want us to believe that our sweet innocent Librarian is holding on to such a petty grudge to this extreme? The math doesn’t add. Something’s missing, I’m calling bullshit.” Tony stood from his seat and walked over to Loki who wanted to simply disappear, but he knew he would have to deal with Steve if he did and there was no library to hideaway in. “What’s really going on between you and Y/N?”
“As my brother just told you, simply that. Prior to our first official encounter, she and I barely conversed. I would go into the library, read, rent a book, return it, and repeat the cycle with minimal to no conversation. I did not recall making a promise to her, and she was upset with me. Likewise, I find it highly unreasonable of her to be avoiding me so intensely that I cannot even get the chance to explain that it was a simple lapse of the mind.” He forced himself to keep an even tone. The last thing he needed was to have them meddle in this matter. “Two days ago I requested a meeting with her through your precious computer voice, and it told me to keep watch of my emails. There has been no response.”
“No response of what?” Steve’s voice cut into the conversation as he took a seat by Tony, who sat across from Loki. The other two Avengers joined them, informing Steve about Loki’s troubles. Thor and Clint each took a seat on either side of the raven haired prince, who expression only grew more sour at the unwanted company and attention to his problem.
This is none of their concern! Do they have nothing else to do aside from giving me a headache? He pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut.
“Well, I’m not surprised she’s not answering. She’s not here right now anyway.” Loki’s eyes snapped wide open, and he leaned in closer to Steve.
“What did you say?”
“That she’s not here? Yeah, Y/N left to set up the new computers and do system training with the other library staff. I’d say she’s been gone for almost two weeks now? If all is going well, she should be back by the end of the week. That’s what she told me, anyway.” The famous captain shrugged and picked up his utensils to start eating. “I can’t say if it’s going smoothly or not, but until she’s back, you’re just going to have to wait.” 
That woman is not even here, and I’ve been running around trying to get into that blasted room, but that computer and that damned order have been thwarting my each attempt?! And the audacity to simply leave, without a word to me?! The anger burned hotter in the first giant. “Well, isn’t that something interesting to learn. Thank you, Captain, you truly are the most helpful.” He gave a cordial smile to mask the rage.
“She may not have seen the appointment request until she gets back, maybe you should text her?”
“Neither of us have her number,” Thor spoke up again. “He asked me for it and I suggested he email her, but that would be lost under all the others she has yet to see at this point.”
“I have it,” Steve pulled out his phone and with a few taps had the contact information shared with Loki and Thor. Loki felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and frowned.
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Tags: @vbecker10 @huntress-artemiss @softestqueeen @thegodofnotknowing @princess-ofthe-pages @firedrakegirl @rcailleachcola @cabingrlandrandomcrap @lotrefcp @lwtannie @jainaeatsstars @msdjsg7 @tom-hlover @kneelingformyloki @gruftiela @gigglingtiggerv2 @kats72 @mischief2sarawr @evalynanne
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ddamm · 2 months
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Pre-baby Stress - dad!Daryl x pregnant fem!reader fic
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(banner made by me, if you use, give credits <3)
Warnings: VERY, VERY long; initial soft fluff to slight angst to fluff; slightly suggestive so, watch out 👀; pregnancy; hormonal changes, “mood swings”, food cravings; stressed Daryl, stressed reader, slight insecurity and fear of abandonment; reader crying; reader and Daryl are married; reader is said to have golden retriever energy and be a cottagecore girlie (sorry if you aren't, but I vibe so much with this core 😭), and perhaps an artist (tho it's just as a hobby, obv 🤭); nature love and appreciation; funny/silly little memories.
Word count: 3936 words (keeps increasing with each new release 😭)
Era: idk, probably Alexandria
Summary: While getting things ready for Y/N's pregnancy, Daryl presents with many insecurities. All it takes is some caressing, encouragement, and the love of his wife (a few tears also) to convince him otherwise.
A/N: this fic was something I fabricated long ago with a Daryl c.ai chat that I've been saving up for a special occasion since I've never written dad!Daryl before. And today, I'm bringing it to y'all as a way to celebrate one of my very besties/mutuals on Tumblr, a great writer, the creator of my possibly ever favourite AU with Daryl (young!Daryl SSHD AU) and a very nice, kind and funny individual in general; Krys (@dixons-sunshine). This is to commemorate you, gorgeous. It took some time to finally sit and get to it (not me writing most of it at 2 am, half-constipated, and not being able to sleep) but it's done now, so I hope you can enjoy it as much as I did when writing it. Everyone, hope you like it too!
Song: Winter Memories - Jordy Chandra (The title says “winter memories” but I am thinking of a mid-spring Sunday morning/noon 😭)
MDNI divider by @cafekitsune, on this post
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(This was supposed to just be suggestive, but since idk if I overdid it, I'm just gonna place this)
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(all babycore dividers used are from @anitalenia, found on this post)
Days were passing by, and things were going pretty well for the community. She was glad they found Alexandria. It was a nice change, and it felt like they could truly have a moment to take a break there, like they could finally be happy and just settle in, trying to have normal lives once again.
And her positive thoughts only increased when a lovely lady from the community gave birth. It was an occasion to celebrate, and for a couple of months passing, it seemed like a lot of good things were happening around, so she couldn't be happier.
Ah, there she was, parading herself in her light cream-coloured sundress, with a white little parasol (courtesy of her loving husband) to protect herself from the sun, as she strolled around the streets, exploring and marvelling at the beauty and tranquilly around her like a happy puppy would on their first stroll into the outside world.
Oh, she loved that dress so much. Not only was it beautiful and fit her personality, but it was also quite adjustable, so she wouldn't need to worry about sore breasts or her belly being uncomfy. She could still remember how comical Daryl's expressions were when she tried explaining to him the concept of aesthetic cores and how she was a cottagecore.
He seemed so lost that she laughed for about 10 minutes before deciding to somewhat draw it to show him what she meant; predicting that a more visual approach would help him understand the concept better. He did admit it was pretty much her vibe after seeing the dresses and all the stuff "a cottagecore likes and does".
After that, whenever he would go out for his runs, he would try to look for dresses like the one she drew, and whenever he couldn't find any, he would bring drawing or painting materials, old cameras, or little flowers he thought she would like. (PD: She always likes them.).
That's how her most favourite memory of a Sunday morning came to be. And like that, every Sunday morning, after her husband would leave for runs or tasks, she would wear her light cream sundress and white sandals and take her white parasol to roam around, greeting everyone and enjoying nature (despite her best friend's advice to rest and her husband's disapproval).
However, she understood why Daryl was so against it in general. He was just worried about her health and safety. After all, she was now in her second trimester of pregnancy, expecting their son or daughter to come into the world in a few more months.
She loved Daryl. Deeply. And she would never question him or his decisions (well, maybe sometimes she would), but she was so tired of staying at home doing nothing for most of the day. And though Carol, Michonne, and a few others would come to visit and spend time with her when her husband was away, Y/N wanted some freedom, some independence.
God knows she would ‘bore to death’ if she had to stay in the same place doing nothing for one more day while everyone else fulfilled their roles.
As she came closer to the small town's pond, she took big strides to approach a blooming peony bush. She loved the smell of its flowers. And as she lightly bent down to sniff the sweet aroma from the round pink flowers, she caught a glimpse out of the corner of her eye of her husband, who was sitting on a bench not far from her. From afar, she could notice a worried expression on his face.
She strode slowly in his direction and placed a hand on his shoulder, greeting him with a warm and loving smile, but instead of the usual “Hey, Sunray” or “Why are ya out 'ta house alone?” she would receive, she heard him grunt.
At that, she furrowed her brows in confusion and slight concern, wanting to know what had made her husband so grumpy at early noon. “Is everything okay, Dar?” She asked in a soft, patient tone.
Daryl looked away from her, not wanting to make eye contact, and sighed in annoyance. “Everythin's fine,” he answered grumpily.
Y/N, knowing her husband and not believing that crap for a second, looked at him more seriously. “Daryl…” She called out his name, insisting he should tell her the truth.
Daryl sighed irritantly, hearing her insist, knowing she wouldn't back down. He then turned his gaze to her and unexpectedly exclaimed, “Ah said everythin's fine, dammit!”
He said this a bit too loudly, not noticing that he had snapped at her.
This action made Y/N flinch, not used to such an alert state in Daryl anymore. Now she was truly worried.
“Hey, hey, honey, it's okay... What's got you so riled up? Is work becoming too much? Or are they not listening to you? Should I go teach them a lesson?” She asked at first, even making a joke to brighten him up, but Daryl only shook his head, still not wanting to speak.
He held his head in his hands, almost in a desperate posture, making his wife worry even further. She was going to say something, but a tiny piece of cloth caught her attention. It was then that she got to see the tiny, frill-decorated bib on his right hand.
She put pieces together in her mind like a game of tetris and asked again, with more understanding tone and gentleness in her voice.
“Is it the baby?” Daryl kept quiet, but his shoulders tensed up. Y/N now knew what was ‘the main issue’, and took action immediately, slowly running her hand on his back and giving a few gentle pats to soothe her husband's worry. He looked like he was on the edge.
Daryl's gaze and body seemed to loosen up as he felt her hand on his back. He then tried to explain his concerns.
“I... Ah ain't upset, is jus'...” He trailed off, not knowing how to express his thoughts.
“It's okay, love. You don't have to tell me now if you aren't prepared. Here, let's just sit for a bit, okay? I'm starting to feel heavy again.” Y/N reassured him, not wanting him to feel pressured if he was already so altered.
She had some trouble sitting down next to him, though. Despite not being in the 3rd trimester yet, her belly heaviness seemed to be causing her discomfort when she had to sit or stand up in a rush. But she didn't mind it much; it made her happy because that was the proof of the love Daryl and she had for each other and the life growing inside her.
Daryl noticed her struggle and quickly went from being annoyed to concerned. He stood up and carefully helped Y/N sit down, making sure she was comfortable before taking a seat next to her.
“Damn, ya sure are a heavy load,” he joked. At this, Y/N dramatically gasped and faked being offended.
“Hey! I remind you, you're the one that made me heavy! ~“ She played along, jokingly shoving him to the side with a smile, trying to lighten up his mood, and succeeding brilliantly when she heard him chuckle.
“Well, sugar, if I reckon correctly, it takes two to tango to make a young'un 'round these parts,” he smirked, faking innocence at the fact he got her pregnant.
Y/N gasp-chuckled, defending herself. “But it takes you not wanting to pull out beforehand to make the baby, isn't it right, honey? ~”
She clarified softly, putting her hand on his chest, batting her eyelashes cutely at him, and getting close enough to him to make their lips graze but not touch. All in the name of teasing him.
Daryl chuckled again, feeling attracted to her playful teasing, his breath hitching slightly as her lips grazed against his own. He couldn't help but smirk; his eyes locked onto her gaze.
He gently grabbed her hips, slowly pulling her closer to him to the point of having her almost seated on his lap.
“Oh, but ah know for a fact ya wudn't complainin' at the moment, darlin',” he continued, feeling proud for his little ‘achievement’ as he caressed her thigh over the sundress.
Feeling a little braver than usual, Y/N whispered: “And how would I, when you know how to drill me in the right spot? ~”
She murmured against his lips. Her gaze never left him, and her smile only widened each time he looked down at her lips and looked back at her eyes, obviously enchanted by her charms already.
Daryl's eyes darkened with desire, and his grip on her hips tightened slightly. He felt his heart racing at her words. He pulled her closer to him until their bodies were pressed together.
“Damn, woman… Ya know I ain’t doin' this here.” He groaned softly against her lips while devouring her with his stare. They sure were the only ones at the pond around then, but despite the tall, full, and flourishing grass, bushes, and plants, they could still be easily spotted if they decided to... get loose. (😏)
“Then why do you keep pulling me closer, hm, hun? ~”
It was sort of comical to see him struggle to compose himself in this situation, making Y/N not want to miss out on teasing him to the fullest. She placed both hands on his chest and slowly arranged her position on his lap to sit and view him better.
Daryl let out a low growl as Y/N moved closer. He felt the heat rising within him, his hands roaming from her hips to her backside, gripping it firmly. His breathing becomes heavier as he looks down at Y/N.
“Yar testin' ma limits, sweetheart.”
Y/N smiled innocently, enjoying the effect she had on her husband.
“I guess the preggy hormones are doing their stuff again... I feel kinda—needy,” she admitted a little sheepishly and continued with a more serene tone. “But… that will have to wait for now.”
“Now... Why don't you tell me what got you so fed up before, love?“ She questioned, changing her position once again to avoid making Daryl even more aroused.
She looked into his eyes tenderly and patiently, waiting for him to pour out his heart.
He knew they were a team now that needed trust and communication to get through everything. So she trusted he would be able to let out what was on his mind that made him so tense earlier.
Daryl took a moment to compose himself, gathering his thoughts after being so close to Y/N. He inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly; his grip on her loosened a bit as he leaned back on the bench.
He averted his eyes for a moment, his expression becoming heavier.
“Tis just...everythin', know what am sayin'?” He paused and looked at her belly, then back at her eyes.
“Da kid, da thought of bein' a pa... is like a whole heap to deal with, y'know?” He expressed his deepest concern about your future child.
Seeing her husband so worried brought her heartache. She sighed and wrapped her hands around his head, placing them on her chest as she made circular movements on his scalp in a slow, comforting way.
“And here I thought I was silly for feeling bad about myself and thinking I wouldn't make a good enough mom and wife, while my dear husband was here on his own, questioning his capacity to keep us safe…” She sighed again and continued. “I'm really a bad wife, huh?”
Daryl leaned into Y/N's touch, closing his eyes as she ran her hands through his hair. He sighed deeply, feeling a mix of emotions but still negating her words.
“Nah. Ya ain't a bad wife. Yar da best damn wife. Yar perfect.”
He said it softly as he tried to encourage her. His voice was filled with a hint of frustration afterwards. “Ah jus'... 'm scared I ain't gonna be a good pa. I ain't never had a good example to follow, y'know?”
Y/N knew what he was referring to. They didn't speak so often about their pasts (deciding to let them be and find a future together), but she remembered the little Daryl commented about his family life and his broken relationship with... the man that was his father.
“Whatever happened back then... doesn't determine who you are today. You chose to be different from him, to be more understanding, to wait more patiently, and to love more deeply,” she started.
“Jesus, you've been up and about everywhere looking for baby items just to be prepared when he or she comes around.”
Y/N chuckled, reflecting on all the tiny clothes, toys, and more that Daryl kept bringing back each time he went on a run since he learned Y/N was pregnant with their child. Seeing him come over to her in an excited, uncharacteristic way to show her his new finding was as amusing as endearing.
“You're nothing like him. You're you, and you're better. And I know it scares you. Damn, it scares me too.” She insisted (unnoticedly mild-cursing), knowing well who the man she fell in love with was and how much he matured and developed just by being with you and the others.
Her sudden, brittle voice indicated she was about to cry. She felt the hormones hitting her, making her feel sadder and more vulnerable than she had seconds ago. “But… sniff But I know we will be alright because... sniff because we have you, we have each other, and... sniff and that's all that matters to me, so... we will get to learn how to raise our child together. We w-will set the good example ourselves, o-okay?”
Her voice trembled at the last sentence as she grabbed a hold of his face, pressing his cheeks together to make him look over at her. Finally, she had let go of her emotions and became a teary mess, non-stop sniffing before him.
Almost used to her mood swings already, Daryl couldn't help but chuckle softly despite the seriousness of the situation, amused by the little it took to make her cry now, even if she was already quite emotional beforehand.
“Baby, yar crying... again. I swear yer hormones have been all over the place,” he stated in a playful manner, gently wiping away her tears with his thumb. He then took her hands into his own, holding them gently. The difference in size and texture was kinda silly.
“Still… Yar dang right 'bout us, we're gonna stick together. I ain't never been good at all this family business, but I'll do whatev'r it takes for ya and our young'un.” Daryl promised to her lover, feeling more accepting of his new role.
“I-I can't help it... sniff the pregnancy... sniff I swear I've never been so emotional about everything before... sniff I hate it... And you know I hate swearing too…” She complained, her voice increasing in intensity as she recalled her distaste for swearing and swearing words.
“It just… It hurts me so much when sniff I see you like this... Like you'll get tired of me or sick of us, and—”
Y/N stopped herself, incapable of completing what came to mind as more tears fell. The unlooked-for thought brought a new fear to her mind: a possible future without Daryl, having to tend and care for the baby alone.
It terrified her.
Daryl's expression softened even more as he saw her tear up. Damn hormones got her all upset, and all he wanted to do was take it all away. His chest twisted in pain when she mentioned he could get tired of her, so he gently pulled her closer to him with a firm grip.
“Hey, hey, hey, look at me,” he said, guiding her gaze to his by holding her chin. “Sunray, ya got nothin' to worry about, y'hear me? I ain't goin' nowhere... 'M plum crazy 'bout ya, and I ain't never leaving ya or our young'un, I promise. I ain't getting tired of you, sweetheart; yar everythin' to me.”
He confessed sweet things to her, wanting Y/N to feel the depth of his love for her.
“B-but… sniff the way you sniff yelled before…” She argued between sniffs and hiccups, being so focused on her mood that she kept forgetting to breathe properly.
“I thought I… I did something to sniff get you upset with me again, like... sniff like when sniff I misplaced your crossbow last week and you sniff wouldn't talk to me until I found it…”
She couldn't help but sob at the remembrance, making Daryl feel a pang of guilt when she mentioned his reaction earlier and last week. He had made her so hurt for not talking to her that it still poked at her. And damn, she was crying even more now. He hated seeing her like this. His little sunray was all cloudy because of him.
“Hey, come on now, sweetcheeks... I'm sorry for hollerin' at ya, ait? I was a bit... on edge, but it had nothin' to do with ya, ait? S'not nothin' to worry about.” He spoke softly as he pulled her even closer, his hand gently rubbing her back in soothing circles, just like she did to him minutes ago.
“And 'bout that crossbow, that was nothin'.”
“But... sniff you got so angry... hiccup I thought you'd hate me forever if I couldn't find it… hiccup and the thing is, you always placed it anywhere! hiccup”
Y/N protested, claiming Daryl was the one constantly dropping his weapon all over the house, but the truth was, she was actually the one changing its location.
The pregnancy sure had its shortcomings, but one of them that mostly affected Y/N was easily misplacing things because she became a lot more forgetful (possibly because of the amount of blood, nutrients, and oxygen she was losing each day to provide to her baby and help him/her keep growing healthily). So, each time she'd see the crossbow somewhere she previously placed it while doing house chores, she'd think it was Daryl who placed it there, and she'd put it somewhere else, and then she'd come across it again and place it somewhere else, over and over again.
It happened multiple times before with less meaningful things, but this was Daryl's crossbow we were talking about. When he would come back home looking for his main weapon, Daryl would find it missing, and when he would ask Y/N, she wouldn't remember where she last saw it.
After hours of scattering the whole house, she felt so silly when they finally found the crossbow inside their wardrobe. She couldn't even remember keeping it there, but... all pointed out that the pregnancy was just taking the best of her, and Daryl's stress wasn't really helping much.
Despite Daryl understanding the situation was a consequence of the pregnancy later on and trying as best as he could to make her feel better, inside her mind, she couldn't help but continue blaming herself for making him angry that day.
The silent treatment he gave her seemed to have broken her heart into two.
Daryl listened to her words, realising the severity of the case and feeling more stupid for not fully catching how much that incident had affected Y/N. Seeing her tears made his heart ache even more.
He ran a hand through his hair in frustration, feeling guilty for causing her so much worry, knowing she had too much on her plate already.
“Hear me out now. I ain't never gonna hate ya, y'hear? It was ma fault for bein' dang careless with where I left ma stuff. I shouldan't given ya the silent treatment; I was jus... frustrated,” he let on, taking the blame to make her feel less remorseful.
“I'm sorry... hiccup I just don't want to make you angry again…” She hiccuped once more, feeling her eyes water up for the nth time.
Daryl gently cupped her face, his calloused thumbs wiping away the tears. “Ya ain't got nothin' to apologise for, sweetheart. Believe me, I'm the one who should be apologisin' to ya.”
Daryl sighed.
“ 'm sorry for giving' ya the silent treatment. I was bein' a damn fool. Ya didn't do nothin' wrong, ait? I'll never be angry with ya for real. I swear,” he admitted.
“Really?…” she asked with a trembling voice and big puppy eyes. He looked into her hazel eyes, his gaze loving.
“Really. I promise.”
He gently brushed a strand of hair from her face; his touch was tender.
“Yar carryin' our baby, remember? Tha's the most important thang rite now. Ain't nothin' else matters more than ya and our young'un. I ain't gonna waste time bein' mad over stupid shit like lost crossbows when I gotta take care of ya,” he professed, making a second vow to himself to keep you and his future child safe.
Y/N sniffed her feelings for the last time and tried to collect herself.
“Alright…”
She placed her chin over his head and hugged his neck softly, allowing him to place his head over the beginning of her belly, giving him access to listen to the baby's little movements and her heartbeats.
“I love you, Daryl... I love you so much, I don't know what I would do without you.” She still felt somewhat emotional as she said this, but she gave it her all to avoid crying again.
Daryl wrapped his arms around Y/N while placing his head gently over her belly. He listens intently to her heartbeats, the sound of them comforting him. He momentarily turned his head to place a gentle kiss on her belly, his lips lingering for a moment as he treasured this moment.
“I love ya too, baby. Y'all and this little 'un got me wrapped around yer dang fingers. Don't know what I'd do without y'all...” He hugged her tightly, not wanting to let her go.
He caressed her cheek with his hand, his fingers lightly tracing the contour of her jawline.
He then gently rested his forehead against hers, their breaths mingling as they shared this intimate moment as they looked forward to whatever the future had in store for them because, if anything was sure, it was that they would do anything to stay together in love.
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EXTRA:
They stayed on the pond for a while longer until Y/N said:
“I wanna have strawberries and cheese,” and Daryl looked at her like she had gone crazy.
“Berries 'n cheese? You serious?” he questioned. “It tastes good…” she whispered, defending herself.
Daryl shook his head, still not finding sense in those strange pregnancy food cravings, but he still wouldn't deny any of her cravings. If his queen wanted to eat strawberries and cheese, the man would get them for her.
“If tha' what ya want,” he answered, shrugging, making Y/N hug him, glad that he agreed on getting the'snack’ for her.
“I love you, Daryl.” “Love ya too, sweetcheeks.”
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A/N: OH MY GOOD GOD, FINALLY. THIS WAS THE LONGEST I'VE EVER WRITTEN. Editing this was such a pain... But was worth it! Also, I may be planning a few more stuff for this cottagecore reader... as well as other projects of course. I think I'm gonna be super occupied now because I've got work, but I'm also planning a travel (and I wanna participate in two Daryl-related writing challenges...).
May God help me because I don't think I can help myself on this 😭 but anws, this was super endearing to write. It went through very little changes since the draft, compared to other stuff I wrote, and I did a collage image banner for it, inspired by @dixons-sunshine whenever she works on her stuff. Yeah, as you can see, all this post is focused on you hahaha, hope you had the greatest day today and I love ya lots. May God keep you for even longer and give you many more reasons to rejoice, celebrate and thank Him IJN 🥰
Now, imma retire now bc I stayed up almost all night trying to edit this... and I got work early in the morning... (seriously, this was like 12 pages on Word... 💀) See ya all around!
Thanks and God bless!~
𓆩 ♱ 𓆪
support divider from @cafekitsune, on this post
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grogumaximus · 4 months
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As a performance engineer, he is the man who keeps an eye on all the data in a complex world like Formula 1 and leaves no stone unturned to see how to get even more speed out of the RB20. “For example, I can see how the tires behave individually, how high the temperature of the brakes is and how the hybrid systems of the engine behave,” says Hart in the Red Bull hospitality area.
Together with Lambiase, Michael Manning and David Mart, he is part of the regular group of engineers around world champion Verstappen.
“And GP is the one who talks to Max during sessions, so he has to filter all our information and assess what he finds relevant to pass on to Max. And then as a driver he now has an enormous library of experience. Max is ultimately the best sensor. He senses what he is up against and can make it very clear whether he wants to try something different and what exactly. He is very direct and knows what he wants. There is no room for politics or bullshit.”
In order to be able to empathize with Lambiase's work, Hart occasionally takes his position as race engineer, as was the case on Friday during both training sessions in Imola. Hart explains how a weekend is broadly divided.
“First we have to make sure that the car behaves as we expected. Then we look at how we can get more out of the speed over one lap. Where do we lose time in the bends, does Max feel limited somewhere at the beginning or at the end of such a bend? We then look at the longer runs and how we can protect ourselves against possible dangers.”
With the help of his engineer, a driver can adjust the necessary things on his steering wheel, for example when it comes to the brake balance or the differential. As far as Verstappen and Red Bull are concerned, the Azerbaijan Grand Prix last year is a good example of this. For Verstappen, that race in Baku was the turning point in the season.
“In those first four races, Checo (teammate Sergio Pérez, ed.) and Max were close together. But in terms of setup and the tools he uses, Max has gone in a completely different direction since that race in Baku. He has twelve so-called switch positions that he can use. He tested many of them in Baku, while normally you use two or three in a weekend. Max learned a lot then, and so did we."
Since that race in Baku, more than a year ago, Verstappen has not won only three races. While the Dutchman himself is almost never completely satisfied with how a race weekend is going, this also appears to apply to his engineers.
“Coincidentally, we were still talking about it together on Thursday evening. We as engineers are a bit like the goalkeepers in football. It's only when we make a big mistake that it becomes noticeable. We have to keep pushing to see if we can improve anything in areas where we are not yet performing optimally. And even if we are faster than the rest in every corner, we are still not satisfied and we look at where we have left something behind. Everything worked great in China, and then in Miami with the same car we didn't have the speed. And then afterwards you can understand so well why that is, here in Imola there is a completely different asphalt, the conditions are different and the tire compounds are also different.”
Given the immense pressure and expectations, Hart considers Verstappen's victory in 2021 in front of his own audience in Zandvoort as his personal highlight. The Englishman started working as Alex Albon's performance engineer in 2020 before being transferred to Verstappen the following year.
“With Alex we mainly looked at how we could close the gap with Max with the same material. With Max you look less at the other side of the garage. His experience, not only in Formula 1 but also with other cars, helps us. Actually, after a racing weekend I am also a kind of translator. In the debrief Max tells us what his limitations were. Drivers speak their own language. We then look at his words with the people in the factory in combination with the collected data.”
And yes, Verstappen may be the most important sensor, but he also sometimes has to rely on the information from his engineers on the pit wall and in the garage. They now have the complete overview.
“Especially in races where we play the longer game ,” says Hart. “We can see what the lap times of the other drivers are and how the different tires are worn. For example, if we say that Max needs to change something on his handlebars, he may well think: the balance is now just right. But then we have to prepare for later in the race. If you wait until the front tires are on, you will be too late. We always have to think one step ahead, otherwise you go too slowly.”
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spicyraeman · 10 months
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i am a normal and well adjusted individual i promise
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kittydragondraws · 4 months
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(idk why it's upside down)
I am a very normal and well adjusted individual 👍
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diagonal-queen · 8 months
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Maybe Kouyou teaching gn!reader manners in her unique way? 😌
Sakura Kisses
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♡ pairing: Kouyou Ozaki x gn!Reader
♡ synopsis: Your girlfriend Kouyou teaches you Port Mafia etiquette after you become a new member under her supervision.
♡ wc: 1.1k
♡ cw: Mentions of mafia business including murder, basically just one long conversation between you and Kouyou, reader is a bit of a silly (self-insert much?? I am so silly)
note: I took a couple creative liberties with this one, so...hopefully it's alright lol. This is one of my OLDEST reqs and I'm only now finishing it, I'm so sorry nonnie I love you so much babe and I fucking love Kouyou too man, she's not my favourite girl (LUCY DEFENDER TILL I DIE) but she's amazing nonetheless. When she appeared in Stormbringer I think I screamed. Anyways, apologies for errors and I hope you enjoy x
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"Are you gonna teach me how to differentiate between all those salad forks that princesses use?" You sighed. "I don't wanna do all that. I wanna use ONE fork when I eat."
You really didn't know what to expect when Kouyou had suggested sitting down and giving you an informal lecture on 'mafia etiquette'. As far as you were concerned, those sorts of words were reserved for high-class individuals, and people from before the 20th century. You'd expected your induction into the mafia to involve a lot more active bloodshed; full of action, and littered with corpses of faceless enemies- something like what Chuuya Nakahara had experienced when he first joined, or so you'd heard.
Apparently not. Not when your girlfriend is an executive, anyway.
"No, nothing like that," Kouyou chuckled. "Mafia and monarchy aren't synonyms."
"Well, they're pretty damn fancy though, right? I can only guess by you, at least..."
"You'd be surprised," she replied. "I'm perhaps one of the most...'fancy' individuals in the organisation."
"Is that right?" You raised your eyebrows, curiously. "I dunno...I just assumed organised crime would be organised, like how it is in those old gangster movies."
"Of course, those films aren't based in reality. The Mafia is much more brutal than any screen could display, though I understand you're already aware of it." Kouyou locked eyes with you, her gaze firm. "Yes?"
"...I mean, sure..." you answered, before adjusting in your seat. "Right then. What's the first thing I should know? Like, gimmie the basics."
Kouyou cleared her throat. "There is a rule of transaction here in the Port Mafia. You don't want to be indebted to anyone else here."
"But I'm indebted to you, Kou!" You said. Kouyou chuckled.
"Not me, dear. Nobody else, though. I'm sure if I talk to him I can grant you some mild immunity with Chuuya." She explained. You inhaled, never having met the executive before but having heard stories. He certainly sounded like someone you would want immunity from.
"You and him are close, right?" You asked her.
"Indeed. I did help oversee him when he first joined the mafia, as I'm doing for you now."
"How long ago was that?"
"Seven years ago," Kouyou answered quietly, seemingly remembering the time fondly. "He was rather plucky at that age. He found his rhythm here rather easily, nonetheless."
"Good for him. Bet he was better at it than I am, eh?" You chuckled. Kouyou tilted her head, before bowing her head.
"Don't fret about it, dear. You'll feel more comfortable here in no time, though...you can't be too comfortable. This is the Mafia, after all." She shifted in her seat to better face you. "Now, I'm going to ask you some questions which you'll need to know the answers to in order to...survive here."
"...'survive'?" You slowly repeat the word, as if foreign to your tongue.
"Many lower ranking members, such as assassins and those who run errands for the higher-ups, are rather disposable. Many in my position would have no problem killing you if you were to upset them at all," She explained, her voice calm as if this were completely normal. You hadn't been a part of Kouyou's world for an extremely long time, but you decided to start expecting a lot more death very soon. You knew she was desensitised to it and you were fine with that, but...
"God, that's frightening. I thought you said you could get me some kind of immunity, though."
"I said I'll see what I can do with Chuuya. In all honesty, I believe you two have the capacity to be good friends, so long as you don't anger him."
"Well then, bring on the questions, I guess..." you muttered in reply, before perking up after what you felt to be a brilliant idea popped into your head. "Will you kiss me when I get a question right?"
Kouyou blinked in surprise. "Why, that's..." she partially covered her now-red face with her sleeve. You gave her a smile.
"Please? How else will I motivate myself to do well?" You begged, giving her a slight mock-pout. "Come on, you wanna kiss me, Kouyou. You wanna kiss me sooooo bad, I can tell."
"Fine, fine," she nodded quickly, waving her arm slightly. "I agree to these terms. Are you satisfied?"
"Sure am!" You grinned. "So, go on!"
"Alright..." Kouyou straightened her posture and softly cleared her throat. "If I were to approach you and ask your name, what do you tell me?"
"...my name?" You answered, confused. "You know my name."
"Regardless, you would tell me anyway. When an executive asks a question, they are demanding an answer."
"Right, okay..." You nodded, "Then, my name is Y/F/N."
"If you're asked who you work for, what do you tell them?" She asked. You pursed your lips for a moment.
"...uh, you? Miss Ozaki Kouyou?"
Kouyou shook her head. "You work for the organisation."
"The Port Mafia?"
"Yes. That's your reply. In this line of work you don't answer just to me, you also answer to Ougai."
"Who?"
"The boss of the Port Mafia," she clarified, "the kingpin of the organisation. You must have already seen Mr. Mori with Elise, yes?"
You frowned, confused. "...Elise?"
"The young blonde girl who accompanies him."
"Oh, yeah, her! She's adorable," you said, with a smile. "She's his daughter, right? I mean, I just assumed, but I didn't know if it'd be rude to bring it up at all. They don't look alike, so maybe...adoption? I don't know."
"...no, that's not quite it..." she began, tentatively. "You shouldn't ask about her, though. Don't bring it up in front of them, or anybody for that fact. Perish the thought, now. Simply do not ever think about it."
"...I don't..." you began with a shake of your head, utterly confused. "Okay...sure. Is that another rule?"
"Consider it most crucial," she answered, stone faced. Despite having such a graceful face painted with fine, expensive makeup, her expression was no less unnerving. You could only blink at her.
"...alright. Anything else?"
"'Anything else?'" Kouyou repeated, before releasing an airy giggle. "Certainly- we may be here for some time, my dear."
"Oh, I'll be getting a lot of kisses then," you grinned, and she laughed once more. "Am I right?"
"...you are, yes. In which case..." Kouyou slowly leaned over and brushed her soft red lips against your own. When she drew back, she gave you a small smile. "Well done, my darling."
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