#genuinely is it bc i choose bad friends or am i the problem

[no-one-hears-me]

why do my friends always leave me

[dreamertrilogys]

i need it to be next semester so bad because every day i spend the next 3 hours after english class recovering from the psychological damage i experienced (being flirted with & flirting BACK). except the thing is i actually have a class with her next semester too and not only that but my other friend who i’m in love with is also in that class. explodes & dies i suppose

[pixelyssa]

The love of my life has been ignoring/stone walling me, and today it led to a HORRIBLE binge. I couldn’t stop, I was sobbing. I feel disgusting

I guess I’m wondering.. what advice do you have for preventing large binges like that?

hi lovey

first, im sorry about that.. i hope their gears start working properly and they talk to you soon 🩷

i don’t struggling with b1nging personally, and it’s not a flex, its just b1nging is a term i’ve been told not to use here. because for me, its still less than a “normal 1ntake” when i “overe@t” but i def know the disgusting feeling afterwards and the guilt/regret.

(i have to clarify that or i get threats)

anyways!! seems to me like it was obv triggered by ur problem w whoever this person is… like the b1nge was your coping skill.

so to answer ur question on preventing it, make a list of other coping skills you know work.

-distraction coping skills (to name a few: shows, documentaries, youtube, music, games, call/text a friend, read, coloring/drawing, writing, cleaning, showering, exercise, nap) these don’t fix ur problem ofc but itll distract u from the big feelings and unhealthy coping skills, and eventually (hopefully) you will regulate & be safe! a lot of people on this side of tumblr dont realize the distractions we use to avoid e@ting are usually good for us. deciding to go on a walk or take a shower instead of r3lapse in soemthing?? hell ya

-problem focused coping skills! (ex: asking for help, text/call a hotline, deep breathing, establishing boundaries outloud “i will not ___” or “i am not ____” etc) these are harder to do when ur having big emotions because your brain doesnt think “yes lets do some hard self refelction!!

but i wanted to give some examples so you have some incase you can’t think of any rn.

like i said, write it down. that way when this happens, or even other negative things, you have all ur tools in one spot. notes app, a journal, whereva 🩷

besides that, sometimes its alr too late to choose another coping skill. i can only recommend if you give in and you know youre gonna, to try these things

-put the f00d on a plate (small ones r best for me in this situation) that way im not having a whole bag of cookies/chips its just a couple on a plate

-i also get rid of any f00ds that would be dangerous during a b1nge for me lol. ik some people live with others and they can’t do this, but when im rlly hungri my only options these days are strawberries or carrots with hot sauce 😭 so maybe thatll help? if theres no f00d, theres no b1nge?

-watching true crime or g0re helps me bc it makes me unable to e@t the f00d in front of me 😭 sorry if this is crazy but… like maybe when ur upset like that and you have tried to do the healthy coping skills and just still wanna b1nge… you could just watch some true crime? 😭😭

-managing ur daily 1ntake could also help. ik sometimes even if ur full you can get the b1nge urges, but yk it genuinely could be that ur not having enough per day to function and ur stomach is sending those urges to ur brain.

kinda all over the place ik. i havent been active for a bit im going through it 🤭 anyways i feel so bad for u why tf is ur person ignoring u 😭 idk what i would do 💔 i hope this was a little helpful atleast’

ily stay safe xoxo🩷

[proxythe]

some of my fav p3 hcs:

☆ junpei takes on a big brother role with ken. lending him manga and video games rated teen/mature that he knows contain content that is okay for his age. taking him out at night to the arcade/for "secret" menu items. sneaking fun snacks into his room so he has something to feast on besides milk. this makes ken feel seen as an equal rather than as a child bc junpei is so genuine in his antics that it doesn't feel belittling/mothering.

☆ mitsuru begins truly seeking out her own style after she + yukari deepen their bond in november. at first, this results in some truly horrendous outcomes bc yukari wanted mitsuru to select what she liked for once instead of a stylist choosing for her. it comes to a head when mitsuru walks out one sunday wearing a red leather jacket, tan cargo pants, a retro graphic tee, and crocs. she eventually lands on a casual alternative style under yukari's strict guidance.

☆ akihiko is prone to forgetting about things outside of his goals or the people he cares for. this leads to many situations where he finds himself standing head empty, no thoughts in the middle of the grocery store or during casual conversation with family/friends/acquaintances. his tell that he's forgotten something is the tips of his ears turning bright red. when younger, he'd steal shinji's beanie to cover them out of self-consciousness. his notes app is clogged with dozens of nonsensical ramblings such as "milk" or "sun outside" in an attempt to remember such things.

I LOVE THESE 😭😭😭

junpei (along w yukari, minato/kotone, fuuka, n aigis) being older siblings to ken is so important to me… idk how to explain but it just hits different …!!!! i love when ken shows up and junpei wants to be his older brother so bad lmfao. i feel like him (and the other second years) being closer to ken’s age makes it easier for them to understand him so it’s way easier for them to get along. only downside is junpei cannot help ken with any of his work. it could be the easiest problem youve ever seen and junpei will be like “sorry i cant help you”

the thought of mitsuru not having any sense of style is so funny bc i’ve always just been like “yeah i mean she can probably dress decently on her own” but it would b cute to think she just picks out whatever she likes without thinking if the outfit will actually look good together or not. she sees a funny little cartoon on a shirt and is like This is delightful!!! and grabs it and pairs it with the most expensive and beautiful pants you’ve ever seen. then she wears a hideous pair of shoes to top it all off. without yukari, i imagine she wears her ugly ass outfit to go out to eat w like. aki or something. she shows up n akihiko (who knows how to dress) is just like what the hell are you wearing

now that u say this… akihiko is kinda sim coded. does workouts anywhere he goes. forgets what hes doing the second he enters a room. & omfg. him blushing to the tips of his ears is something i put in my drawings all the time idk if it’s noticeable but i love it so much… + the notes app thing so real but also imagine him sending texts to ppl to remind himself of certain things. mitsuru waking up in the morning to see akihiko texted her “Water” at 3:42 AM. shinji picks up his phone and has 12 notifications from akihiko within seconds of each other (its a grocery list). ken doing his homework and akihiko texts him “Koromaru” and nothing else (he needs to take koromaru for a walk later)

[iiwaijime]

so apparently i have memory loss hello? BUT HERE I AM NOW, SUBMITTING MY LITTLE PARAGRAPHS FOR YOUR INBOX 🙂‍↕️ HI LINA!! I HOPE YOURE DOING WELL GOOD MORNING!!! <33

today i had speech and debate at school... and living in america... i feel like that almost always means there's casual racism so ‼️ naturally the first thing my friends and i do is form an asian group when we got into the club room LMAOAOAO apparently the majority of the asian population at my school is in speech and debate PLEASE we had a big group😭 and we had lots of fun!! speech and debate is genuinely more fun than i thought it would be

regarding speech and debate still!! i had a really good idea for a speech!! the type of speech is an o-o (i have no clue if ur familiar w speech and debate or not but that stands for original oratory.. it's kind of like you're trying to persuade your audience against something? so you choose one side of a topic and support it)!! it would basically be arguing against people needing to have a secure sense of identity.. like being able to pinpoint their personality and whatnot through different personality tests and like astrology... all that!! i feel like it would be an interesting topic to get to yap about yk 😋 so it would start out like "entp, 7w8, aquarius... why are we all so fixated on trying to fit ourselves, our complicated beings, into a box? as a society, we have become so accustomed to finding labels for ourselves, and i think it's due time for us to outgrow this habit." LIKE THAT!! idk i feel like itd be so interesting for me to write!! i would self indulge by doing that cause I LITERALLY HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IDENTITY!! i always need to have labels for myself and my personality so i feel like making that would help me move past it 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ i yapped so much ab that holy shit. my bad woah

ANYWAY I HOPE YOURE HAVING AN AMAZING DAY!! HOW ARE YOU DOING!! ily ily ily mwwWAH <3

APPARENTLY I ALSO HAVE MEMORY LOSS BC I COMPLETELY FORGOT U SAID ANYTHING LMAOO

GOOD MORNING THO!! IM DOING GREAT WBY!!

everyone being in the speech n debate team is so funny to me wtf😭😭 IM GLAD UR HAVING FUN (im terrified of public speaking but like i could do it out of spite yaknow) YOUR STARTING SOUNDS SO GOOD SJHDSJHD ARE YOU GNA DO IT⁉️‼️⁉️‼️⁉️‼️ (idk how it works)

I ALSO HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM THO;;; AB THE LABELS AND THINGS OMFG IF YOU WRITE IT OR WHATEVER (idk how it works 2) SEND IT TO ME PLEASE RACHEL SEND IT TO ME

YAP MORE THO I ENJOYED READING

i ended up not sleeping bc i was too busy thinking of iwaizumi hajime (27) athletic trainer LIKE MGNFHFJD GET ME SOME OF THAT🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ NOW IM HAVING THE BEST BREAKFAST EVER (cereal and milk . i have it every day . ) ANYWYAYSD I HOPE U HAVE A GOOD REST OF UR DAY WHILE I DIE IN CLASS 💓💓💓💓💓💓 ILY ILY ILY ILY ILY MORE

[brandnewhuman]

In my super sour skittles induced pain I am once again having small brain thoughts about unhinged men

MY NEW VICTIM IS ELIJAH. YOU ALL KNEW THIS WAS COMING BROS, I HAVE WAITED LONG ENOUGH TO BRING HAVOC INTO THE DBH FANDOM.

i was feeding my little silly obsession of the moment and I have notice something

I see so many writing Elijah as a creep or some sort of unhinged manipulator who gives zero fucks about anyone

I AM ONCE AGAIN GOING TO PROVE HOW YOU ALL ARE WRONG. I DID IT WITH BO SINCLAIR AND NOW IM GONNA DO IT WITH MY GEN Z KING

I hate the headcanon of him not caring about androids or being like some sort of perv towards anyone. While I do think he has a god complex I don't think he's that narcissistic and mean as everyone makes him out to be

I know, I just know he tries to overcompensate how insecure he is by putting on this more cold and calculate persona. I feel like he's the type of person who struggles to find a something to fit in, he fears people and is scared of the idea they might get of him so he just distance himself before anyone can get close enough.

Like I can totally see him doing the most to create a specific idea of himself to others so they don't have the chance to hate on his real self. He prefers to be criticise for what he has choose to be seen as rather for who he really is

I was ready a character study a couple of days ago about him being bullied a lot growing up and it totally makes sense with how he is. Like this man put himself into creating basically a replica of human life perfect and you mean to tell me that the only reason behind it it's because he wanted to be seen as some sort of god? NO, THIS MOTHERFUCKER WANTED A FRIEND AND HE ALWAYS FELT LIKE NO HUMAN PERSON WOULD EVER WANT HIM.

CHLOE WAS PERFECT TO HIM CAUSE SHE WOULD'VE NEVER LEARN TO BE AS CRUEL AS A HUMAN. CORRECT ME IF IM WRONG (DON'T DO IT BECAUSE IM NEVER WRONG) BUT I HAVE NEVER SEEN AN ANDROID BEING CRUEL, CHLOE WAS ALL HE NEEDED BECAUSE SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO WOULD UNDERSTAND HIM AND GET TO KNOW HIM NO MATTER WHAT.

CAUSE HE ALWAYS FELT TO DIFFERENT AND OUT OF PLACE WITH OTHER PEOPLE SINCE EVERYONE THINKS OF HIM AS A EMOTIONLESS AND CREEPY BASTARD

HOW I KNOW? CAUSE I KNOW, I ALWAYS KNOW. HE JUST WANTED A FRIEND, AND I GENUINELY THINK HE WANTED TO CREATE MORE ANDROIDS SO EVERY PERSON WHO HAS EVER FELT LIKE HIM COULD FEEL LESS LONELY.

Like no FR imagine being 16 and being the weird super smart kid in a college full of older fuckers who are always treating you either as if you were just a stupid kid or as the bottom of the joke because of the things you like or BC of the way you are. IMAGINE HOW LONELY HE MUST HAVE FELT

listen, I used to be the type of kid who was considered super weird and I used to be like super affectionate with everyone which ended up in being brutally bullied I JUST KNOW THAT HE WAS THE TYPE OF KID WHO WAS ALWAYS TRYING TO BE FRIENDLY AND KIND BUT EVERYONE MADE HIM FEEL BAD ABOUT IT. LIKE YOU DON'T ISOLATE YOURSELF LIKE THAT OUT OF THE BLUE JUST BC YOU HATE INTERVIEWS AND STUFF, BRO IS QUITE LITERALLY THE DEFINITION OF IM NOT JUST A BITCH, IM A BITCH WITH A BACKSTORY.

Also, I don't know why people say he doesn't care about androids and it's just happy causing problems ecc. HE VERY MUCH DOES CARE THANK YOU, I DON'T IF ANYONE HAS NOTICED BUT WHEN YOU CHOOSE TO SHOT CHLOE DURING THE KAMSKI TEST AND HE'S ANSWERING QUESTIONS ECC THERE'S A MOMENT WHERE HE GOES NEAR HER BODY AND PATS HER HEAD. I KID YOU NOT, I SWEAR I CAN ALMOST SEE HIM HESITATING BEFORE TOUCHING HER

You can't fucking tell me that man didn't almost had s fucking heart attack as soon as Connor and Hank left

AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THAT SCRATCHED IDEA OF HIM HOLDING BACK THE OG CHLOE FROM GOING INSIDE THE POOL BC SHE'S NOT WATERPROOF

He's JUST A WEIRD KID AND HE'S GEN Z, HE'S NOT A CREEP AND HE'S NOT THAT MEAN. STOP THIS MADNESS OF MAKING HIM LOOK LIKE SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT. HE JUST DIDN'T PICKED A FUCKING STRUGGLE, LEAVE HIM ALONE

[wander-wren]

oc game: i was tempted to just send you all the emojis but 🧠🌼✨ those are in reverse order from how they appear in the game i think oops anyway these are ones we dont usually get in character questions i genuinely dont think I know their ages soooo enjoy

🧠 - What do you like most about the OC?

inari- she's very, very attached to her home country of skalmere, even though it's illegal for her to exist there and she'd likely be killed if she ever went back. she has a little skalian flag sewn on the inside of her jacket, over her heart. idk, something about it is really compelling, i guess i connect it to being a minority in a conservative area but not wanting to leave.

daci- okay, i love her bc she's a sweetheart, but i think what i like most is that her magic (empathy, literally) is very sensory-based, so if she chooses to use it around a lot of people she gets sensory overload, and sometimes there's so much she can't fully turn her magic off, and idk, i like angst, i like magic drawbacks, i like people who refuse to let their friends know their magic has drawbacks.

cas- he projects this image of himself as really dark and edgy and scary but he actually has the lowest self-esteem known to man (well, second to inari) and if ollie so much as looks at him sternly he will fold and walk back his most recent bad decision. he's so funny to me for that.

ollie- they're literally just this happy-go-lucky artist kid from the backcountry that you would never expect to be the right hand of mr edgy up there ^^ its a really fun character type to play with

eira- she's this small, babyfaced, anxious girl that literally everyone estimates, kind of rightfully bc she's very out of her depth, but from the first page she's got this undercurrent of strength and ambition and i really love balancing those two things (or unbalancing them and causing her problems)

tyrian- he's the most Some Guy ever, the ken to eira's barbie if you will, and he's the only one without magic or a significant amount of trauma, so he's even more out of his depth than eira is but doing his best. and i love him.

🌼 - How old are they? (Or approximate age range)

in age order: cas (19), ollie (18), daci (18), tyrian (17), inari (17), eira (16)

i started this story when i was 15 and younger than them all, and in 8 months i'll be older than all of them. which is insane.

✨- How did you come up with the OC’s name?

there's a forum on the nanowrimo website, where i was spending most of my time back in 2019 (you know this, lexi), and there's a category in there to adopt character names. someone made a list of fantasy names and their meanings, which i went back and found just now:

inari, daciana, eira, and cassian (cas's full name) are all up there. i actually almost named him caspian, bc it means sea, but i had an inkling that "hollow" would be more fitting. also, there's narnia.

fun fact: isleen and isleen wer taken for tyrian's older sister & younger brother, dyah (which i'm now tweaking to either dyha or dyja, but it was dyah for four years) was taken for inari's little sister, and valens was taken for eira's father.

i don't remember where tyrian came from at all, except that two posts above that post someone suggested "tyr?" hm. also, i pulled several names from other posts for the eight gods of daci's religion, as well as alarik for her dog and kiver for a kid who will be important near the end. no one needed to know all of that, i'm just realizing now that this thread was absolutely instrumental to olt's beginnings, lol.

oh, also ollie/oleander isn't from there! they came when i sent a picrew to some friends on a discord server and asked for naming help. i'm no longer in that server, nor do i remember who suggested the name, but i am forever in their debt bc it is incredible.

oh, and last names i just COMPLETELY made up based on vibes, except for gatien. i remember googling for that one, i don't remember what, and i selected it bc it means "watchman," tho i'm not sure what i was going for there anymore. also inari and daci's last names have been nixed bc i grew to hate them, so....i still need to replace those.

[t-lostinworlds]

no, your likes aren't public, but i saw that you did like it when i was going to block everyone who interacted with that rude post and i was just shocked that you, someone i genuinely respected, did. you can rail against me being a 'bad' friend all you want, but i don't get why you can't see how that MIGHT be a little upsetting especially when you've made friendships over this fandom?

you can say the post wasn't that serious all you want, but genuinely, this about the same person who just a few months ago said that he was dealing with anxiety over seeing the mean crap people say about him online, and that WAS mean crap. there's just SO many better ways to express that you want him to work rather than calling him 'fucking pathetic'. like that is just wild to me and two faced as hell when no one here had any problem with him taking some time off when he was recently at home.

it just truly sucks that so few of the people i'm friends with here have the maturity to realize that it's just simply not a big deal if he's in a relationship. of all the things for yall to be mad at him over, THAT really takes the cake. anyways, i absolutely stand by what i said. aiming that amount of vitriol to a dude who has done NOTHING wrong is making this fandom just miserable and i truly cannot believe it happens over and over again every time he's seen with her. it's toxic and i'm just so frustrated you can't see that.

honestly, how will i even know who you are when you're sending me asks ON ANON. bro, my dms are open to EVERYONE. literally anyone can send me a message whether i follow them or not. i have that open so people can reach out to me any time they want whoever they might be but you choose to send me this as an ask over ANON. do you know what message that sends me? you want this public. you won't say this shit to my face bc then it's just you and me having a conversation. but you want to let all the people know how much of a 'horrible person' i am so then you can have more anons to back you up. bc power in numbers right? until someone is driven off this site? what kind of friend does that make you?

and all because i liked a post. it's actually funny how you got all of those claims from me liking ONE SINGLE POST. you're accusing me of attacking tom, of berating his whole entire being, of disregarding his mental health when all i did was like a post that said they missed the days when tom was seen as an individual. and i honestly don't see where your problem with that is. why is it such a crime for people to want to support his craft and his craft alone? and fine, the language was a bit offhanded but i've literally seen people call him WORSE THINGS on actual sites he can SEE. hell i saw another post in the tags that spoke meaner things about him which i don't even agree with. but me liking a post that deadass wasn't so fucking deep and was literally one single sentence compared to a whole article is suddenly a testament to my whole being and how awful i am? why are you acting like i've made such a disgusting take when I DIDN'T EVEN MAKE THE DAMN POST. it's such a crime to fucking like things without it having a deeper meaning nowadays huh?

i honestly really want you to show me all the times i made a big deal out of this relationship. or me being mad over it bc it honestly feels like you're just dumping this all on me just to get your frustration towards other people out. bc by this point, you're just putting words in my mouth. is it bc i'm not reblogging stalkerish photos of them? is it bc i have said NOTHING about it instead cooing and awwing at every picture? is that why you immediately came to a conclusion that i have such a problem with him being in a relationship bc i am not waving a big banner that they look so darn cute together?

and you know what, i wasn't going to add this but fuck it. i'm pissed now. it's so fucking rich of you to keep talking about his mental health and how i'm causing so much damage to it when i have said nothing bad about this guy in my own posts or made my own takes on a site he has no idea exists when you're not even stopping to think about what you are doing to my mental health by coming to my own safe space guns blazing accusing me of shit i didn't even do. a bit hypocritical if you ask me. or maybe i just need to be rich and famous for you to actually care about that too.

[amyisherenowitsokay]

*stares very aggressively , I’m foaming from the mouth.*

Howdy-hey! I’m here to pester you abt your works! So I reread “From your memory” and I was like wowza and then I wondered…

What was your inspiration? That concept was just entirely new to me and in the good old year of 2011 I was practically ascending bc I was so invested in the story and it was actually the first fic I ever read from you. (and I fell in love teehee) So what made you write that or inspired yo to do so? Did you have an original storyline that was scrapped, and or changed ?

You don’t have to answer any of this if you don’t want to btw :)

I answer all my asks (eventually lmao) fish! Especially yours!

Long answer under the cut because I'm incapable of giving a short answer. Information about my own fics are constantly on the tip of my tongue ready to be spilled out at their first opportunity, and I'm incapable of resisting.

From Your Memory was actually genuinely inspired by the song mention in the A/N of the first chapter, which is Paramore's Ignorance. This is also where the title comes from.

"I'm not the same kid from your memory Well now I can fend for myself"

I listened to the original and acoustic version on loop. Basically what happened in teenage me's brain did was have an animatic in my head about how this song could figuratively apply to a fanfiction, developed the premise, and went from there.

This is gonna be really funny to explain because there's like legitimate scenes developed around individual lyrics in this song.

Ignorance sounds and sounded a lot to me like a dialogue. It sounded, to me, like one person was saying some parts, and one person was replying in a sort of escalating argument, but at least one party was 'ignorant' (huehuehuehue) of all the details about why they were even fighting in the first place. Based on that premise, the song will (hopefully) make more sense. I'm going to write the lyrics 'assigning' lyrics between two people, and tag them (1) or (2), depending on who I am is talking/replying, with 1 being Zim, and 2 being Gaz. I vividly imagined two people interrupting one another while fighting, hence a lot of the weird breaks.

This is gonna be so convoluted and I'm sorry ahead of time lmao.

Lyric Breakdown

(1) If I'm a bad person— (2) You don't like me (1) Well, I guess I'll make my own way (1) It's a circle, a mean cycle (1) I can't excite you anymore

Just on that dialogue, it's basically like. Zim starts off the story blaming himself for not being there when Gaz was injured, and wars between doing the easiest thing for Gaz, which is to shut up and pretend not to know her, or what he wants, which is to tell her the truth and re-involve himself in her life. Gaz is meanwhile obviously oblivious to his turmoil and is like "why are you even talking to me, you hate me." Zim of course originally chooses to aid her from the sidelines, but he's not happy about it. He essentially is "not allowed" to involve himself in her life anymore.

(1) Where's your gavel? Your jury? (2) What's my offense this time? (1) You're not a judge, but if you're gonna judge me (1) Well, sentence me to another life

Zim's resentment about the situation continues, especially with Dib being irritated about Zim choosing to keep secrets and forcing him to go along with it. Gaz is still like "dude what the fuck is your problem??" while Zim continues to be extra pissy, wishing things were different.

(1) Don't wanna hear your sad songs (1) I don't wanna feel your pain (1) When you swear it's all my fault (1) 'Cause you know we're not the same (no) (2) We're not the same (no) (2) Oh, we're not the same (1) Yeah, the friends who stuck together (1) We wrote our names in blood (1) But I guess you can't accept that the change is good (hey) (2) It's good (hey), it's good

At this point, Zim's dealing with being incapable of helping, desperately wanting to help Gaz, but not actually able to do so. He's just constantly watching her suffer without ever being able to help ease her pain.

Mentally, this was also just more arguing, but with Zim being forced to swallow the fact the meaningful friendship and borderline-relationship he and Gaz had developed is gone, and she's not interested in developing a new one the way he is. Things are different now. They simply aren't friends. He's done nothing for weeks but try to save her life, has had her literal blood on his hands, and now it doesn't even matter. He's got to move on, and he's got to continue to convince Dib that their situation has changed, and his idea is for the better. Lacking context, Gaz meanwhile is like dude take your angst and fuck off. She's also trying to convince herself that whatever is clearly happening behind the scenes, it doesn't matter, and she's better off keeping her head down.

(1) Well, you treat me just like another stranger (1) Well, it's nice to meet you, sir (1) I guess I'll go (1) I'd best be on my way out (2) You treat me just like another stranger (2) Well, it's nice to meet you, sir (2) I guess I'll go (2) I'd best be on my way out

(1) Ignorance is your new best friend (x2)

This is also another parallel back and forth, with Zim still coming to terms with Gaz genuinely not knowing their formerly intense, meaningful relationship. It's more resentment about what he lost. It's meant really sarcastically and snidely. Gaz, for her part, means it really literally. She doesn't have any relationship with Zim aside from 'that guy my brother hates,' and blows him off.

And of course, "ignorance is your new best friend" is pretty straightforward in its meaning. Gaz isn't Zim's best friend anymore, and all she has to keep her company is her new amnesia.

For this next part, queue Membrane (3). The really fun part is after this analysis, if you wanna go back and listen to this song nearly entirely from a Gaz vs Membrane perspective, it also can fit! From a Membrane-centric perspective, if you think of Membrane as he sees himself (aka not in the wrong), needing praise from the public, shrugging off criticism since it's "for the greater good," etc with Gaz (and Dib) shoving back at his preconceptions, it's easy to hear the dialogue. But continuing on, this part was mentally Membrane for me:

(3) This is the best thing that could have happened (3) Any longer and I wouldn't have made it (3) It's not a war, no, it's not a rapture (2) I'm just a person, but you can't take it (2) The same tricks that, that once fooled me (2) They won't get you anywhere (2) I'm not the same kid from your memory (2) Well, now I can fend for myself

This was more later in the story and/or right before Gaz lost her memory during her confrontation with Membrane, where Gaz knows what's going on, and Membrane's trying to convince her to cooperate anyways. Membrane is convinced this isn't something that needs to be difficult, while Gaz is warning him that she's dangerous now, has backup, and isn't going just hand over her independence at his whim.

Further Development

From that context, you can see that the story just kind of happened from there. I filled in the gaps. Why was Zim so mad at Gaz, and why wouldn't she know why he was mad at her? Originally, I wasn't sure who the (3)rd person in the lyrics was that Gaz was fighting with, but to me, it sounded like an authority figure. There's not a lot of those in the IZ universe, let alone one that Gaz would legitimately be threatened by, and eventually, it started to sound like an argument with someone gloating, and then someone who didn't even notice their gloating was actually cruel. They'd also have to be someone who Gaz knew since she was little. Someone she was invested in. Someone exactly like Professor Membrane. But then what would Gaz be arguing with dumb, well-meaning Professor Membrane about?

And thus, a metamorphosis occurred:

This is a meme I made awhile ago for my Discord friends when we discussing From Your Memory. It also makes me laugh every time I see it because it's really spot on to the vibes.

I started to consider the angle that Membrane was actually the bad guy, which, when you consider how many times 'evil mad scientist who think they're in the right' was fed to kids as a trope (and still is, tbh), it was an easy jump. And THAT was when the story really started kicking in.

This was around the time I started to hear the 'Dib is a clone' theories. If Dib was a clone, why couldn't Gaz be? If you were a scientist whose entire life was dedicated to advancement for the betterment of mankind, why would that just be relegated to advancement in technology? Why wouldn't someone just a liiiiiiittle off find themselves stumbling right into advancing the evolution of mankind as a species, too?

So then Gaz and Dib became experiments. And if you were going to make a boy and a girl, you could argue it'd just be the typical white picket fence dream of having a son and a daughter. But if you're me, and grew up in a religious environment, the creation of a man and woman as a pair sound less like siblings and more like Adam and Eve. And that's where the whole 'Gaz is an angel with wings' things came from.

The origin of evil!Professor Membrane was mostly that I thought that no one would ever see that twist coming, but reading back through it, I can definitely see small-me taking digs at my own super-scientist parent lmao.

Evil Membrane is also so incredibly fun just in and of itself. Professor Membrane is the guy above all guys in Invader Zim. He's respected, well-loved, commanding, imperial in so many ways.

I simultaneously started formulating this idea that Gaz had amnesia to keep her from being too OP and dunking on everyone. So the story pretty much fell into place after that. Obviously, the amnesia had to be caused by Membrane, to reset his 'experiment.' Dib and Gaz, as his own form of Adam and Eve, were abominations. Abominations tend to be malformed in some way, meaning they were imperfect creations. Dib was first, and therefore more of a prototype. It'd explain why he lacked Gaz's powers, why she tended to be smarter, stronger, etc in the show.

I also deeply loved the idea of Zim being in love with Gaz, while Gaz is completely indifferent in a way that was atypical than usual ZAGR stories (including MHNY). Zim wasn't fantasizing for a relationship that could be, but pining for a relationship that had been. It made their will-they-won't-they dynamic painful instead of lovey-dovey-ooey-gooey-sentimental, and ya bitch is always down to mix a good dollop of pain into my stories lmao.

Changes Down the Line

This one I'm gonna preface with to anyone reading this: don't go digging through my reviews. I'm too old and my bones are too tired to stir up shit, or incite drama.

I lost focus/desire to finish this story somewhere around I think when Gaz got kidnapped the first time (ch 19ish). I had a whole (now lost to time/deleted) chapter of her being in a warehouse, losing her shit, and breaking free via her powers.

ORIGINALLY, in a world where that version of the story happened instead of what's published, this was going to lead to Gaz being an actual, active threat to humanity incapable of controlling her powers. There was going to be a scene where Dib has to really debate on killing his own sister, or let her destroy the world in a fit of grief. Zim and Dib turned against one another because of it, with Zim fully willing to let her destroy as much of the Earth as he needs to as long as she stays alive.

It was undecided whether or not I was going to make Gaz kill Membrane, or just get really close. Most of the end of From Your Memory was me winging it and losing steam, so I was going back and forth on it.

However, I did know Dib would eventually manage to get close enough for the 'moment of truth,' so to speak, but find himself unable to actually kill his little sister. That moment of humanity would snap her back to cognizance. She'd realize just how much both Zim and Dib care for her in their individual ways, and sort of collapse. They'd eventually disappear, and the rest of story would play out pretty similarly to the published ending (assuming Membrane didn't die).

This all was scrapped legitimately because of one singular review.

Someone, and I genuinely do not remember who but I vaguely remember getting into it in my A/N's with them a few times, wrote this really rude review about how predictable the story was getting, and wrote out basically that it was obvious that Gaz was about to have a power freakout, how played out that was, blah blah blah. In 2011/2012 however, I was like 15, so instead of rolling my eyes and/or patting myself on the back for leaving enough narrative hints that the entirety of my story could be devised from what was already published, I got really mad lmao.

So in an effort to not be 'predictable' and prove that person 'wrong,' I deleted the entire chapter and rewrote it to what's now ch 20. That whole storyline was gone just cause one review really rubbed me the wrong way on the right day lmao. I think there's even an A/N even at the end of 20 that mentions offhand the scrapped rewrite.

As a reminder, this fic was finished over 10 years ago. I am not interested and would in fact be really irritated by anyone digging up the review to go harass someone who probably isn't even active on fanfiction anymore (I mean god, is anyone? Lmao). But that is what happened, and it is relevant to the question, so there.

Additionally, I was debating on writing out a few prequel chapters and inserting them somewhere in the story. Maybe 1 - 3(?) chapters written out, with a beginning, middle, and end of how Zim and Gaz's relationship developed. Like a lot of small, detailed flashbacks of when Zim first started treating Gaz, some middle bits when they stared falling for one another and really began to allow themselves to lean on one another, and then the final kiss scene, just before Gaz lost her memories.

I don't know quite remember where I intended to put that. I had vague ideas of Gaz being knocked out, those 1 - 3 chapters of flashback, and then her 'waking up' right after she slips into a coma, back in the present. These chapters were never written, partially because I couldn't figure out where to put them, and then by the time I got to scenes that could work for that kind of transition, I was really burning out with the story and just wanted to be done with it.

.

I think that's everything! Hopefully somewhere in this mess was a cohesive answer that answered your question! If I missed anything specific you were looking for, please let me know, and I'll be happy to answer! <3

[what-if-nct]

hiiii is it ok if i ask for some advice? im sorry im gonna sound rambly but uhhh i'm 14 and starting high school next year (which i alrdy dont feel too good abt haha) and my (overbearing asian) parents are going to send me to this private lutheran hs instead of the public one i was supposed to go to bc its more upper class and smart (?). tbh i was genuinely surprised that i liked the school, academic-wise, and i rlly liked that i had the space in my schedule to take more fine arts classes (i dont have any in my hs) but like the first thing the principal said to me was that i "needed to learn to be a good christian". a whole hour each week is dedicated to jesus and i just know my atheist ass is going to be uncomfortable asf. first, one of my best friends has a thing for jesus (he says jesus is too hot to be straight 😭) and i cant tell if hes joking anymore, and second, i dont have a problem with people who are religious, but i do when they are flat out hateful and harrassing people from communities they "dont agree with", and i just know the people preaching at this school are the latter.

also rn i am the *only* poc in my entire school, and i noticed there were a lot more asian students and students of color, so hopefully there'll be less kids pulling at their eyes or calling me slurs :D

anyways i not a fan of the fact that "homosexual behavior on or off campus" warranted for expulsion, since i am a *very* queer and bisexual individual. at my current school, i dont really need to hide my gayness bc no one cares, and my teachers are accepting (my homeroom teachers a lesbian lol <33). i dont think i can handle having to hide such a big part of my identity at home *and* at school :( too add to that i really suck at making friends, so being somewhere without people i'm comfortable with, my anxiety gets really bad, and i just shut down completely.

my hs is p rundown (like most public highschools are) and the classes are average at best, so idk man, im torn :( i dont know if i should suck it up and go to lutheran school bc their good academics, or ✨be myself✨ and go to p shitty school :/

i dont know what to do (or if i can even do anything) abt it i just dont feel too good about this :( you've mentioned you went to a christian school, so do you have any advice? even if you dont, thank you so so much for listening to me rant for a moment there <33 i really treasure you and your blog, atp you feel like the big sister i've never had. i love youuuu <333

That is such a sticky situation. Cause maybe you can try to persuade your parents especially since they'll be paying for the private school on top of college tuition in the future, it can be a huge selling point. I know that's how I won in the decision of beauty school over college it's cheaper. And christian and catholic schools are heavily based in religion like it's a huge part of it so if you don't believe in it it can be absolutely mind numbing. I actually didn't go to Christian school, actually wasn't forced to go to church as a child, I was like 11 and for some reason told grandma Christianity is responsible for all the bad things that happened in the world. Which is wild that I even was able to come to that conclusion as a child she just brushed me off. But I did go to church summer camp to be with my friends which my friend and I got scolded for holding hands but she was just leading me through the crowd of people. So that's still unfortunately a huge part of christian beliefs

the thing that really caught me off guard is the homosexual activity off campus can lead to expulsion. On campus like sucks but is expected of a christian school sadly. But off campus in your day to day life is like your actions off campus shouldn't be judged by the school. Like I can't wrap my mind around that. I think since you have a whole summer maybe look for more schools you can attend I remember doing this in middle school because my home high school was an F school so you could choose any high school within a certain range. You'd be really surprised with how many schools are around you I'm assuming you're in the us but I'm sure everywhere has a ton of schools. And look for a school that holds some of what your parents want and also your own values and needs for your education. And maybe your parents seeing you take initiative might be an extra point.

If your parents are deadset on it. I think try to make the best out of it as much as you can usually there's a group of people in the same boat you're in where their parents forced them to be there. Trust me no matter where you go you will always be drawn to those like you every single time. But if you do get the choice of going to the original public school firstly screw every single racist little bitch who does that to you that is horrid I am so sorry you have to endure that. People suck. But you can also learn extra independently I always did that cause I was a bit ahead of my class. But I really think researching more schools in your area would help you find the perfect school for you. I personally was in love with Waldorf schools they're more creative led schools and freer, I wanted to go to one so badly. So figure out the exact kind of education you want like a magnet school, charter school it doesn't hurt to see how receptive your parents will be to it.

I really hope this helped at all and I hope it works out well for you. And Awwww it's so sweet you see me as a big sister, I gladly be your big sister, love you too🌸🌸🌸

[remcycl333]

hello rem! sorry, this is a vent ask, feel free to ignore, just had to get it off my chest :’)

so i had a falling out with a friend - they think that me cutting them off bc of a circumstance (that makes the friendship unenjoyable for me) is me „running away from problems” and that i have many unresolved issues that will come back to bite me in the ass, etc.

so i always knew not to tell them about how i really think, e.g. how i take manifestation very seriously - they would just worry that i’m delusional and try to fix me, you know? same with my other views that might not be entirely conventional

they think that our friendship is fixable, but i don’t even want it to be. because they would push me to change to save this friendship, since the way i am now is wrong to them. they’re not the person i could ever trust with my most personal, real ideas, so, yk, they don’t even really know who i am, and it disgusts me that they think that the way i am now makes me miserable and that i should change to turn my life around

i think i’m just gonna manifest this person out of my life completely asap + new, genuine friendships… i’ve spent too much time around this energy and am ready to pursue connections where i’m not seen as a walking mistake for choosing my peace over unneeded sacrifices

i've had this same experience before! when a friendship just really isn't working and the other person is being toxic to you and you try to end it and they say you're ditching them/running away and they think it can be salvaged if you put in the work but it's like...i dont want to put in work i dont owe you my friendship

prioritize yourself anon!! if this friendship just really isn't what you want, don't feel bad at all for ending it!! you can definitely manifest that this person respects your decision and goes their separate way without putting up a fight. you deserve to have genuine friendships and im rooting for you!!! 🤍

[teethpaste]

Wow ok it’s actually so crazy seeing someone who is “normal” (no substance abuse, good relationship with family, steady job, friendly, not ran thru lmao) and consistent (makes plans with me, I don’t have any doubt he likes me) .. this is a first for me. I really only date avoidant or love bomber men. I’m still seeing the guy from Charley Crockett. We don’t text a lot, he shows up, he’s told me he likes me, we have fun in person, I met his friends. We kind of had a check in where we were like OK we both like eachother but not in a spot to put labels on it - we didn’t say if we weren’t seeing other people. Just agreed we’re really enjoying our time and taking it slow. That we’ll check in again if we’re still doing this in a few months. I’ve been in two LTR (5 years and 3.5 years) and his longest is 6 months. When I asked him about it he just said he’s never dated anyone he could see a relationship with - until now. It’s the first time I’ve ever had this convo with a man and it was mutually brought up out of genuine interest from both parties, not insecurity, and I don’t feel like his answers were lies. We were both just being honest. That we do like eachother and it’s genuine but we’re still seeing what we want - but not in a bad way.

And for the first time ever this convo didn’t freak me out. I’m actually okay taking it slow, bc he hasn’t given me a reason to think otherwise (… yet, I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop). Normally I’m pushing the “what are we doing” convo (if we’ve been “dating” not just having sex) bc the man has me STRESSED out and I know he’s seeing other people and his love bombing / bread crumbing keeps me hooked. Makes me feel like I’m not good enough and if I could just get them to choose me, it would make me feel whole (this is false I know). So to have this convo with CC guy .. and genuinely feel okay and be like cool can’t wait to keep knowing you and figuring this out feels so weird. I do have a mental block about entering a monogamous defined relationship w/ him though bc I do NOT want kids and he seems undecided. But that’s something I’ll revisit if we’re still doing this in November.

It’s also so insane to be seeing someone where the relationship isn’t based around sex. Like we actually hang out. I am very out of my element. I think I am honestly also just used to seeing men that frankly don’t respect me. Or I choose men that I immediately see they have 10,000 red flags so it gives me a false sense of control bc I’m like “cool I could never be in a relationship with you but I could fuck you so now I’m in a safe zone where my feelings aren’t involved”. And sex with CC isn’t what I normally am used to but I think it’s bc he respects me??? Lmao. Like I’m used to starting with crazy sex and building the relationship backwards. Not starting with dating and then building the sexual relationship.

We went on another date last week and I brought up that sometimes I can’t read him bc I’m a physical touch person and he doesn’t initiate and he was like “oh my god I’m physical touch too, I’m just not trying to be too forward or disrespectful bc I’m getting to know you” and I was like 💀 damn am I the problem.

Anyways; TLDR, seeing someone nice, consistent, not a love bomber for the first time ever. I’m out of my element bc it’s not triggering my dopamine receptors by love bombing and yanking attention away. My nervous system feels very regulated. I don’t have to send his texts to a panel of judges to interpret. He’s just nice and I like him. I’ve been avoiding posting this too thinking it may jinx me but. What’s meant for me won’t pass me by, I guess.

[dothegravitybounce]

so here's the thing... I genuinely don't have a problem with fix it tics and I like a bunch of them. but I feel like they never do set out to solve the actual problems presented by the narrative, which fair the whole concept it's just the author doing whatever the fuck they want. and it's nice there's some genuine good wholesome scenarios out there. but I like drama and I wished they tackled the drama more, specially in bj there's so much unresolved tension brewing on the very surface of the plot that people just ignore because it doesn't contribute to the romantic storyline that it's just... we're waisting it!!!!!!!!!!

generally these fics try to fix the last three books as if the problem is Jaenelle Saetien or that the mother of Daemon's child is Surreal and not Jaenelle Angelline. But the problem isn't who he ends up with or who is the mother of the child or if the child is or isn't a queen ir have a dark jewel, the problem is Daemon himself lol any every child he has will always have to compete for his time, attention and loyalty with his devotion to Witch and they'll lose. It's just I keep reading these fix it fics that are like "instead of having a terrible child JS, JA never dies and they have five kids, the older is a queen and they live happily ever after" and I keep thinking that doesn't fix the problem, it worsens it all things considered, you've just made higher staker and added more pressure to a delicate situation iykwim, it doesn't solve the problem bcs he'll still give up everything and anyone for an ideal, as soon as an opportunity arises.

But what about Zoey, you ask, she'll also suffer from this if we theoretically stretch the storyline beyond what we've seen, but to a less degree because her attachment to him isn't that big. She has a normal regular degular family and friends, when she realises that she's kinda of a temporary band ai to a messed up situation, it won't be as bad comparatively to Jaenelle Saetien because she has people outside his influence, who'll always choose >her< first. Am I rambling? I am rambling, but I genuinely wished there were more works about his flawed bias and how it eventually ends up isolating him and pushing people away. And that doesn't make him or Jaenelle Angelline villains or anything like that, it's just a bias, a different point of view that could shine in a dramatic fic.

Also I don't ever feel like Jaenelle Angelline ever wanted kids. To me, she'd prioritise the very little time she had left on the world to be with him and I don't think she ever wanted to raise a child. We also need more fanfics that stop presenting the fact she didn't want kids as bad and tragic srsly it doesn't make them less romantic!!!!!! free your mind from traditional romance novels people!!!!!! not even going to elaborate on the fact the books are like daemon and surreal will have a kid in the future from the very first book bcs i know people will get mad so

[cat-mentality]

Hello i am on my friend's account and thats why im using asks instead of comments BUT. for your qsmp headcanons. I like them but unfortunately two of them,, kind of wouldn't work out?

The "phil can't handle spice" thing. This is only correct if he isn't an avian. Why? Because birds can't taste capsaicin (the chemical that makes things spicy).

"Charlie doesn't really need his glasses as much as mariana" cc Charlie's prescription is, like, -6.5, which means actually he can't even legally drive without glasses and personally i think this would be the same with his character? Again, up to you!

Yeah that's it, once again I did genuinely like your headcanons and I'm not trying to say they're bad! Just pointing some stuff out

-@/crystaleevee4

Heyyyy

Okay I'm gonna be real honest and say I don't know jack shit about bird anatomy besides what we learn at school and like common sense things so nice to know, poor birds and their limited palate! And anyway I'm just going to believe he is very human in regarding that part bc I like to pick and choose things.

And regarding Charlie it's nice to know we are glasses buddy in prescription (mine is only a little bit lower but I also can't drive without glasses, wouldn't even try since I can't see shit without them) but I mostly adopted that HC because of that Minecraft skin of his that don't have glasses.

No problem at all, you taught me two new cool things!

[savnofilter]

i know it's been years since the bnha drama you had to go through in 2020, but i wanted to say that i've thought about really it for years and years and i was on your side for when it happened. i still remain on your side, and i hope you were given proper apologies from yk who and their defenders. you most likely never want to think about it again, but i hope you know that what you did mattered. i think about it really from time to time remembering how the internet was so eager to go against a bunch of teens and how cruel it was really at the time. i know you endured a lot of hate for it, and i hope you're doing better now!

let's be real here, aint nun of them ever apologized to me and never will. it's pretty evident how past the few troll hate asks i got recently, everything is 100% lbh and them and it's not made up cuz apparently mfs think i send hate to myself LOL.

atp idc cuz everyone else ive ever had a problem with that werent part of their circle or used to be, ive actually amended and made up with. but thank you for this, it def doesnt effect me like it did back in the day (idky i aged myself like that). i definitely am better now! mentally, emotionally (i think; im stunted there if we're being quite honest) and overall i love life. i love everything in it like im just chilling... if anything that whole thing made me realize that i was limiting myself being on here 24/7 and straining myself worrying ab shit that didnt need to be worried ab.

so even if i took the L and there are so many fake fuckass niggas on this site (or left) who said they know ab whats happened but still fuck with nonces they can go die like the rest of them. 🖕🏽 it's truly disappointing how cowardly most are to refuse the idea of not supporting someone simply bc they wanna read degenerate bakugo fanfic. i would be lying if i wasnt honest on how hurt i really was when ppl also lied on my name saying i did shit i never did or the fact that no shade no tea, anonie, getting asks like this and then crickets publicly. and to that if there are more recent victims or ppl effected by her and her friends actions you deserve it!!!! lol.

im apathetically bitter but im just glad i can finally talk my shit on my blog LOL. i used to be so scared of talking ab what was really going on, walking on eggshells bc i still wanted to be seen as just funny little Sav who makes borderline crack fics. i am not one to sub a bitch, imma call you out your name but yk who tf im talking ab!! it feels good to be free to speak ab what i want, not feeling pressured to conform to ideologies i dont agree with (proship, dark content, politics etc etc). so tbh im very happy with the outcome. bc at the end of the day i know i spoke nothing but the truth and even with no support i can sleep at night knowing i got no skeletons in my closet. i own to the things i do, i will admit when im wrong and i love to grow as a person. i speak my truth and dont need everyone to agree with it or debate me. 🤷🏽‍♀️

also yall choose your friends wisely. use your intuition. dont ignore that gut feeling and dont fw ppl yk do shitty things. you will get caught up in it, and thats past tumblr cesspool drama advice. it's very tempting to be that bad person. it's tempting to do whatever you want but everything has a consequence.. everything you put out, you receive back.

n ik im not mf saint either bitch ☠️ cuz i made a choice at 14 y.o joining this site, i was either gonna be some wholesome pushover or a bitch. i took the latter, did the time and now ive learned that i dont need to be rude or a bully in order to be assertive. that having respect for yourselves and others doesnt mean to be unnecessarily mean to mfs who DONT deserve it. everything just feels like a life lesson tbvh. im gonna keep arguing with niggas online cuz i eat everyone up even when im outnumbered. 🥴 but to everyone who genuinely deserves an apology from me has received it and likewise. and that's all i can ask for.

tldr; ive learned a lot, that time was very sucky but we up. 🤪🤳🏽

p.s shoutout to ms gworl @/mci bc she kept me in check and helped me a lot. no bum on this site will ever compare to her at all. oh yeah and i will talk ab the callout any chance i get so neva tell me to let it go!! <3

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

tw: neglect, depression // seeking advice

I went through really bad neglect as a kid and bc of that, my teeth are horrible. my parents never took me to see a dentist as a kid, except once when my grandparents took me (I was very young). I’m almost 20 now and super embarrassed of my smile. my teeth are crooked, some rotted, and just…not what they should be. I don’t have health insurance and I never did, and my parents never cared for me. I went through and am still dealing with depression, and it has caused me to neglect myself more bc I thought I wouldn’t be alive past high school. I didn’t brush my teeth for awhile, which again added to my terrible hygiene, and now I’m utterly lost. I want to see a dentist and fix years of neglect but I’m afraid it’s too late (and I’m embarrassed). all of my teeth are ugly and need to be removed. I think I’ll have to get dental implants but those are very expensive, and I’m scared that the dentist will belittle me or judge me. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed that my parents and my own selfish depression let my dental hygiene get this bad.

Hey friend,

I'm so sorry to hear you've been struggling. Dental hygiene is something lots of folks struggle with, and it's easy to feel like its all people can focus on when they see you. It's even harder when you were never taught to care for yourself.

I don't want to patronize you, but is it the actual brushing and flossing and whatnot that gets you hung up, or is it building the habit to brush?? If it's the actual brushing the teeth and flossing, you can experiment with different brushes and flavored toothpaste. I personally can only use bamboo toothbrushes and kids flavoured toothpaste. If it's building the habit, there's phone apps out there designed to help, I use Brush DJ but there's Pokémon themed ones and more. There's lots of options, and that can be overwhelming, but I believe in you!!

Okay so, the dentist problem. I'm also scared of dentists, I have strange teeth and a weird jaw. When you research your dentist (which!!! definitely do research please) you can search out those who help people struggling with mental health issues, or dentists who specialize in cosmetic dentalcare. Also there are dentists who do payment plans and cheaper services (check out dental schools nearby, they're affordable).

Worst case scenario, the dentist will set up and appointment and check out your teeth, and if its completely unsalvageable, they have recommendations for what to do next. I've only heard of this happening in extremely rare cases, so please don't fret too much, dentists have seen it all.

I'm unsure exactly what your teeth look like, but there's lots of options these days. You can have a root canal, or dental bridges that attach to your healthier teeth, they have dental crowns/caps, and of course there's always extraction. I cant guide you with choices, a dentist is the only one who can, but know that whatever you choose is a good choice.

Please please don't be embarrassed, I know lack of dental hygiene feels super embarrassing but if you wait too long it can effect your health in different ways. I remember going to the dentist after 10 years of not going, I was so scared and my teeth were so bad that he set up my appointment right then and there. You can explain to them you're anxious about it and that you've been letting the care slide, you can ask them for help, most genuinely wish to help folks!!

Above all, I want you to know there's nothing morally wrong with having strange teeth. There's nothing wrong with struggling with dental hygiene. There's nothing wrong with being scared of dentists. You're being very brave by asking for help, and I hope you find a compassionate dentist who is able to help you.

Please feel free to reach out again anytime, I hope this answers your questions and reassured you.

Mod Soul