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#I am half zoned out
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Last night I had a dream that I only vaguely remember where someone tried to switch hualian and beefleaf but kept failing because too much of Hua Cheng’s character was him being whipped and they didn’t know how to deal with that. I was entirely useless but did find their approach to making Xie Lian gender-fluid interesting (i don’t remember what they did when doing that).
I was basically just sitting there with a sprite I got from a movie theater that was closing (dream right before this one) and being entirely useless as help (but I was entertained)
#emma posts#there were some other things going on at the same time as well#I think someone was trying not to get murdered and we spent half the time on a highway with no car for some reason#my dreams don’t really have a clear plot#a lot happens at the same time#it’s like it has three sun plots at once but one of the sun plots has someone almost dying#I was disappointed when the first place i tried to get a drink had orange soda instead of sprite come out of the dispenser#for some reason I found the gender-fluid thing relatable even though I’m not gender fluid#I don’t even remember how#but in the waking world I only have two sets of pronouns and they are interchangeable all the time#there was also swimming involved at some point but I’m pretty sure that was just because i like swimming#my life was being threatened while i was swimming to escape but I could have probably taken a different route#for some reason the change in depth perception when my glasses were off vs when I was wearing them was even more extreme? like a telescope#I’d say that with my fuzzy waking memory I lost the plot but I’m pretty sure there was more than one to begin with#feel like drawing a picture that is like me: in a beanbag with a sprite watching someone#them: hands in their hair ranting beside their desk#I am half zoned out#but I don’t think i will draw it#them: so much of his character is based around Xie lain#me nodding and going ‘hmm’ while I drink out of a straw in a beanbag chair
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blackkatdraws · 1 year
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Sad-ist drew my old man 🥺 oughh 💗💗
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flufflecat · 10 months
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Got to stolen century in my relisten and started tearing up at work because of magnus carving the duck. Just me in the back room, crying over the dish sink for normal reasons.
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krispiecake · 9 months
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tell me why i can hear another tenants fucking music from my flat. HE DOESNT EVEN LIVE IN MY BUILDING. HE LIVES IN A COMPLETELY SEPARATE BUILDING ON THE SECOND FLOOR AND I CAN HEAR HIS MUSIC FROM MY FLAT. MY FLAT WHICH IS IN A DIFFERENT SEPARATE BUILDING.
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#and staff just say ‘oh we can’t do anything bc its not 11pm yet.’#ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS.#i am autistic person who has just spent a full 12hrs in extremely overstimulating public spaces#i am exhausted and i have had to wake up at ass o’clock in the fucking morning#every day for the past like week and a half and will be expected to do so for the forseeable future#i am extremely sensitive to noise and have no ability to zone things out#like everything is always at the same volume for me#all the fucking time no matter what#and they say like oh well in the community there wouldnt be anything to be done so we cant do anything here#BUT WE ARENT IN THE COMMUNITY. ARE WE. WE ARE AT A SUPPORTED LIVING ACCOMMODATION WHERE I HAVE BEEN PLACED#BY MY LOCAL AUTHORITY WHO ARE PAYING TWENTY THREE GRAND A YEAR#AND I AM PAYING FIVE HUNDRED A MONTH#IN ORDER TO RECIEVE SUPPORT FOR MY DISABILITIES. A BIG ONE BEING MY FUCKING AUTISM.#YOU KNOW. THE ONE WHICH IS BEING DIRECTLY IMPACTED BY THE BEHAVIOUR OF ANOTHER TENANT.#WHEN I AM BEING PUSHED TO MY LIMIT ALREADY. LIKE IDK FEELS KINDA CRAZY THAT THIS ISNT SOMETHING THAT CAN BE SORTED.#i fucking hate men there is just literally no fucking respect or consideration like its genuinely disgusting and so fucking infuriating#and like he says that staff (women. btw) are being too naggy about it. but never fucking stops to consider that maybe.#maybe people wouldnt have to ‘nag’ you about it IF YOU JUST. DIDNT DO THE THING THAT IS ACTIVELY CAUSING OTHER PEOPLE STRESS.#IDK FUCKING WILD IDEA JUST THOUGHT OF IT.#literally die i want everyone involved to die like I CANNOT DO THISSSSSSSSSSSS
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thevalleyisjolly · 2 years
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Half-baked Neverafter thoughts, but with all this talk of timeloops, what if Brennan is playing around with the nature of fairytales in the first place?  Because that’s the thing about fairy tales and folklore - there are often multiple different tellings of the story, some with smaller variations so that you can still tell it’s the same story and others which are so different that they bear only the most distant relations to each other.
What if that’s the nature of the timeloop?  The story getting retold again and again in different ways, reliant on the memory of the teller - which in this case are the characters of the story.  The past three episodes have been very heavy on character flashbacks, and Mother Goose’s book literally brings memories to life.  But also, writing down a story changes the nature of it, changes how it is passed down and remembered.  Right now the characters live(d) in a story that changes and shifts, a story that they are telling and remembering and also forgetting.  What if the book fixes things in place, sets down a story, a memory, that is remembered forever but also fixed forever?
When Tim wrote Jack’s name in the book, he saw an idealized memory of Jack who said that the book could bring him back.  What if he wasn’t referring to bringing back the real Jack, flawed and real as he was, but that idealized memory Jack, the one written down in the book?  What if the book is a false key to escaping the timeloop - sure, it sets down a story, perhaps even a perfect version where the heroes win and good triumphs over evil, but in doing so, it takes away the characters’ agency, their ability to choose or rewrite their fate.
What if the ability to retell, to remain fluid and always changing, always evolving to the needs of the teller and the audience, is the point?  And there are those who desperately want to keep things the same and will go to great lengths to ensure it, and others who just seek to get as much advantage as they can out of things as they currently stand, and oh look, there’s the thinly veiled metaphor for conservatism and capitalism! 
No idea what the red tokens are for though.  Charisma saves, maybe the ability to briefly step outside the story, realize one’s own role as both character and teller, and remember parts of it across different tellings?  Basically Ylfa gets to keep her memories, I guess?  Fairy tales do love traumatized children with enormous responsibilities thrust upon them!
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antariqsh · 2 months
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to each their own, but there are a lot of artists who produce alright-good music but i cant imagine cheering them on due to how flawed their character is
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lokislytherin · 1 year
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streamer daniel au?
ok so i’m a vtuber watcher right. i Get the parasocial thing. lemme get to it im just gonna make this in bullet points
1) daniel is a streamer: he’s wannabe pro gamer! went from “i’m gonna game and beat up enemies as stress relief bc i get bullied irl” as a middle schooler to a high schooler being like “actually i can make some good money out of this” bc he got a growth spurt and went from og daniel to current daniel, his real name is park hyungseok (they all use their korean names) but he streams under the name ‘daniel’ and wears a mask to prevent being completely doxxed. it was beomjae’s idea bc you can’t tell me he’s also a gamer (he and daniel are a lot closer in this bc 1) jay does not go to the same skl 2) vasco and jinsung are not gamers and they both want Gamer Bros yk and daniel is hilarious when he malds he daipans and everything and beomjae has the time of his life watching daniel scream at npcs)
2) daniel uses pet names a lot: he calls people baby, sweetheart, honey, jagiya bc he’s a pretty boy and fansa pays SO WELL. he also does bfe sometimes so imagine he’s like vox akuma from nijisanji en fourth wave luxiem. hot guy with a smooth, comforting voice calls you baby. i’d be dead in seconds. people like lala kim eat that shit up
3) you know who also eats that up? hong jaeyeol. bc he’s gay and daniel is like The hot guy who coincidentally plays the same video games as jaeyeol (who games bc he’s a hikikomori loser /j), it starts from jaeyeol going “yo jaehye look there’s a guy who plays this game too i’m not the only one” to “o fuck he made me a mod bc i helped him bonk the backseaters” to “he. he just called me baby. excuse me im gonna pass out” (’jace’ is daniel’s other mod. the duality of having nice mod ‘asdf’ (jaeyeol) and mean mod ‘jacepogg’ (beomjae))
4) they graduate from high school and they end up at the same uni (STEM major jay? med jay? law jay? poll needed? + compsci major jace + business major daniel, they’re all in the same free elective (still unknown) with the rest of the j high gang) and hyungseok catches jaeyeol playing the video game (bc he’s bored, he’s just taking this for the credits he alr knows all the content) and he’s like “YO. you’re good” and jaeyeol’s like !!!!! bc those are daniel’s eyes?? is this guy daniel?? daniel his ‘celeb’ crush is sitting next to him??
5) they become friends and at some point jaeyeol casually reveals he’s a yt mod for a gamer and hyungseok like wait. WAIT. and the reveal actually happens bc daniel’s mod ‘asdf’ and hyungseok’s bestie hong jaeyeol text the same way + react the same way to being called pet names
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pepprs · 7 months
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im home and already swallowed by despair. can you believe i was in CHICAGO a few hours ago. and now im here. lol
#i know i know. and i need to let the anguish motivate me to get out of here. but it feels like i dreamed it all#purrs#chicago#i had a rough time getting out of the hotel and through the airport to my gate and also im bad at math so i fucked up the calculation about#when my flight lands bc of the time zone change and i gave my parents the time in central time not eastern time so my dad was waiting for m#for like a half hour and texting me and i wasn’t answering bc i was still in the air and he was pissed at me and snarky in my texts with hi#and i was sitting there on the plane and could just feel his words ripping into me and the horrors rushing back in and i still haven’t#recovered from it honestly. it wasn’t that big of a deal he just said something that i misunderstood as him saying he was giving up waiting#for me and going home bc id already wasted his time and even though that was not what he actually said it just kinda burrowed into me that#my parents were mad at me and were probably also mad at me for not communicating with them AT ALL the entire time i was in chicago. and it#just was eating me alive. im home now and we haven’t talked about it but they did say things disapproving of the fact that i did a lot of#stuff by myself which i probably shouldn’t have told them. idk. it’s not even that bad i just am torn apart by their rejection of me and#utter inability to just like be happy for me without criticizing some part of it or restraining me. plus the house is just as much of a#biohazard as it was when i left and all the broken things are still broken and it’s like. a lot. i miss the hotel LOL#i think im just sleep deprived and not in my head right today but i do not want to be here. sinking in quicksand unable to breathe. but i#have to be the one to get me out of it and i should have learned how in chicago but i didn’t it was just a break and now im stuck again#delete later#kind of terrible that instead of being so proud and happy about what i did my immediate reaction is to be miserable that im home now lol
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Link
all fluttering and dancing in the breeze
🍃written for @nobamaki-bigbang🍃
“Great! Okay, so I’m assuming we all know how to play baseball, right?” Maki asked.
Everyone was nodding, and Nobara was about to scoff and say duh, was about to proudly announce that she was actually a fantastic baseball player. But…
But then she glanced at Maki—sweet, gorgeous, Maki with a determined fire blazing in her eyes—and she had an idea. A terrible, devious, but quite possibly genius idea.
“Um, actually,” she spoke up, much louder than necessary, “actually, I, uh… I don’t know how to play baseball.” She fluttered her eyelids and smiled shyly, grabbing a strand of her hair and twirling it around her fingers as if she were the epitome of innocence.
[or: nobara pretends that she doesn't know how to play baseball so she can spend time/flirt with maki]
🍃11,157 words | nobamaki🍃
🍃art on tumblr here & here🍃
🍃art on twitter here & here🍃
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atomic-sludge · 10 months
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Me when i draw another self insert for no fucking reason. (+realistic if i met dan bc. I'm normal.) (+kitties)
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imwritesometimes · 4 days
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calls out of work with a severe case of *gestures vaguely at my life*
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aeriedwelling · 27 days
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apotheosis is so hard to watch but im tryin
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moenmomentsthemoe-en · 6 months
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ooooo ahhhhh oooooooooggg (big vent in tags
#vent#rips hair out rips hair out rips hair out#rambling about finances and jobs ueueueee ->#i want to have a life where a job doesn't take my entire life but god it feels like its just a reality that i need to it suck up#i dont!! want !! to suck it up!!! i dont want work life to be the only thing i should have in my life !!!#maybe i should start selling on etsy?? i dont know if i have an audience to sell to aughh#i want to believe that if i try hard enough i can find a livelihood where i have space for my lows [that im still working on but GOD it#takes so so long to even dent it and. fuck]#maybe ill open an etsy shop??#i kinda wish i could like. talk about this with someone? like my plans? without getting the suggestion to push beyond my limits#ive tried and did push beyond my limits before and it didnt end well .. i know that its important to step outside of our comfort zone#but holy cow i genuinely cannot tell where is my comfort zone and where is Burnout until. well until ive burnt out completely#i dont know the line between challenging myself healthily vs sprinting without break til i drop#scratches head#i think. i need um. support more than criticism? which sounds entitled of me. i think. i cant tell#concrit is amazing and without criticism how am i going to Be Better - but most of the concrit i receive half the time are things#that i already know and am *struggling* to fulfill which kinda just ends up. pushing my anxiety to a breakdown? mmghg#i. i want to . work healthily. i know that i cant work in a contractual job (retail - customer service - corporate etc) because i genuinely#CANNOT risk having a depressive low thats too prolonged or an anxiety spike that messes up my workflow to the point it disrupts an *entire*#working environment with other people that are just trying to do their jobs and also risk breaking one of the contracts' terms. its just no#safe to do it (ive had a contractual job and nearly. fucked up badly cause of my mental illness. im not risking it again). but DANG does it#feel like im just making excuses to not get a job#i. i have an idea for an etsy shop since freelancing would be the safest option. i just don't know if im good enough at my skills to.#actually sell to customers you know#ooughgh i wish i could run by my ideas to someone without being so so scared of. appearing as inadequate or illprepared when im doing my#best? but also its a Job and im supposed to make sure theres little to no mistakes and have a product that's of the best quality i can make#AUHGHG#i dont know how to work healthily and consistently and it scares me.#i dont know how to take care of myself and i dont know how to work. which is like. the two most important things i need to live sustainably#probably seems unproductive to me to like. talk about this on a tumblr post if anything but by the gods i need to process all this
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divorcemotif · 1 year
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FINALLY A HAMLET 2000 TRUTHER
VERY NICE TO MEET YOU I AM OBSESSED WITH HAMLET 2000. my friend and I put it on on a 3 am whim intending to make fun of it but the further in we got the more we were turning to each other like "wait is this good? is this actually good though?? holy shit?? why does this go off?"
#some may argue that the blockbuster scenes or the faxing or the painfully 90s outfits date this movie but I#enlightened#am here to argue it was actually ahead of its time.#its time hasn’t happened yet or anything ofc but it Will come#hamlet#ask#every day I think about his stupid fucking hat.#also that uncomfortably long shot in 1.2 of hamlet and claudius talking reflected fuzzily in the half rolled down car window while a#sharply in focus gertrude beams up at them over the rim.. like. she's so....#+ the commitment to utter unaesthetic-ness: hamlet’s super cluttered depression apartment & cars honking on the new york street#& 4.3 in the LAUNDROMAT— ham 2000 is the 2d production I've seen where hamlet kisses claudius after 'man and wife is one flesh''#a concept I like a lot more than the traditional gertrude kiss bc it's kinda in line w how he's been fucking with claudius the entire scene#(though ethan hawke kisses them BOTH. a choice I am OBSESSED with. get it I guess)#as a pretty subdued unenergetic hamlet I def wouldnt say its my fave performance but there are like. so many fascinating choices#the action movie motif.. the airplane motif.. biker horatio.. marcellus as his girlfriend who's just silently in the bg for all of act 5??#also BILL MURRAY POLONIUS and actually all the ophelia stuff was such a Take.#that intensely uncomfortable scene with the king & queen where hes telling them about her relationship with hamlet as she slowly wanders#along the edge of the pool... it's SO visceral like that's. that's exactly how being a kid feels.#no agency.. your parents telling people your personal shit while youre just There. and zoning out to cope#anyway I'm tired but so much abt the framing & symbolism is so oddly compelling I can't go through all of it#a lot of it I just didnt know what to think of too loll like setting the ros & guil scene in the club....#them having to yell to be heard over the music is such a specific and awkward vibe as to be intriguing#but also they cut the most interesting part of that scene lol I was disappointed#+ they cut the gravedigger which is.. in line with how little they showed hamlet's sense of humour and odd bursts of energy and such :(#but anyway it's undeniably a fun watch with a friend#I'm definitely forgetting some stuff there was a Lot
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curiouselleth · 2 months
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arklay · 1 year
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WIP DAY.
tagged by @girlbosselrond @morvaris @aartyom @risingsh0t @phillipsgraves @leviiackrman @indorilnerevarine & @denerims over the past month! sorry it's taken me so long to get to anything at all, i'm sure you guys have heard me address it enough, but thank you all so much for continuing to tag me in things while i've been inactive ♡
tagging @aelyosos @brujah @calenhads @florbelles @jendoe @lightwardens @liurnia @nokstella @nuclearstorms @shadowsofrose @shellibisshe @steelport @swordcoasts @wrymbloods @voerman & all of those who tagged me again cause i'm so behind + anyone else who'd like to share anything they're working on, not just writing! ♡
i haven't written anything since the last wip game i did, but i started trying to put diana's timeline together at the start of january, so i mean... i'll show that instead. as you can see, fatigue hasn't let me do much with it even though i've got all of her timeline already done and strewn about all over the place.
started with 1995 onwards cause it was originally going to be an ewskers timeline situation, but then wanted to include all of her backstory so i went back to the start and still have the late 80s and early 90s to get through before then, but yeah :]
it's going to include like all little moments i've thought of between the ewskers just for me and placing them on the timeline, so you can imagine how long this is going to get if i have to go to 2021 for village... like just 1996-1998 is going to be so much... she's very special to me if you couldn't tell already lmaoo
never sharing this though, it's just for me, and like will help for when i do her timeline page (more in-depth version of what's on her oc page) to just run through canon events and brief descriptions and whatnot. you understand.
everything is blurred out besides 1995 ewskers momence and the years, just cause like idk her i feel weird sharing her in-depth backstory unless it's in dms or something, just cause there's lots going on there and yeah. things. idk
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i also made a carrd for twt if you wanna have a look at that :] there's some cheeky subtle things with the two resi items i used as pics hehe
actually, you know what, i'll give a lil bit from where i left of with that rewrite anyways, even though it's been months since i wrote it. but why not
Wesker left a fleeting kiss behind her ear then reached around her and hooked his fingers beneath her coat, prompting Diana to glance back at him. But all he did was gently pull it from her shoulders. She watched him from out of the corner of her eye as he hung it up on the rack by the door, his movements careful and almost calculated, until he turned back towards her, and the warmth of his body returned once more. He pressed up against her side this time, as opposed to her back, and one of his hands found a home on her waist. The way the arm it belonged to was resting firmly against her as he began leading her towards the kitchen was comforting, secure, yet unmistakably possessive. And she revelled in it. He had quite the knack for handling her just the way she wanted.
#tag games.#keep going to do picrews and just zoning out 😭 i'm so behind on literally everything but it's fine it's okay (lying)#i'm having a day and a half even though i woke up feeling okay but oh well. my last month has just been like watching videos during the day#or playing games when i have a bit more energy but like i can't do anything that requires me to actually read or write things like words#are just not computing in my brain at the moment but it's okay like i'm just exhausted and hoping soon i can get back to writing because i#still have over 30 wips going lmao but yeah it's been a time a half with lots of appointments and seeing specialists again and trying to#sort things out. i've been more active on twitter which i've mentioned before but it's just because like it's easier for me to sort of just#like and rt things and not having to do my organisation tags and things like i know that sounds so just small and simple but that's how#i've been lately like to my brain rn that seems like a really big task. so i just keep coming on here randomly for a few minutes then#disappearing so i'm sorry that i've definitely missed so much and i haven't been around to just show my appreciation and love to your#creations!! also just everything that happened in december and then a bit at the start of january too like i'm just a lil paranoid about#being on here honestly so i'm trying to get back to it and be okay with posting again and i'm going to make a promise to myself to actually#filter more tags i think? just to help me with like not exposing myself to things that do make me feel uncomfortable in any way!! i'm#rambling now but sorry sometimes i just need to lmaooo idk but yes so cute lil subtle things from my carrd i wanna talk about cause why not#i didn't have to change the blue herb from re0 besides making it brighter because it's already teal toned which is so sexy but i shifted#the hue on the spade key like SLIGHTLY like it was so little. but anyways. i use this emoji ✨ on my twitter name and yes cause sparkles but#also. three stars. the s.t.a.r.s. badge and logo :] then blue herb because i will have no poison in my safe space!!!! take a blue herb or#leave please!! only good vibes and safe space here!! spade key because i'm ace <3 i was going to include the diamond one in there as well#because am demiro and like those are the symbols in the community. ace of spades for ace. diamond for demis (both orientations)#but wasn't sure how to weave the pink through the rest of the carrd even though cyan and pink together is so pretty omg
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