#I am not secretly some kind of wizard at anything other than maybe being annoying

[the-real-list-of-ominous-threats]

I’m going to make you find out that your old friend who you miss but stopped talking to and grew apart from years ago is wildly more successful than you and realize with sadness that you’re jealous rather than happy for her like you would have been in the old days

[not-souleaterpost]

opinion on gopher

Well no shade at any Gopher fans but not really positive so dont read further if you dont wanna be sad😂

To me Gopher kind of is one of the reasons for my controverial oppinion of the anime being better than the manga:

The most simple and least pretentious way of describing my thoughts and reasons is - I find him unfunny and obnoxious, while also feeling that he is a pointless charachter with wasted potential at the same time.

But to get more into detail...

When did he get introduced (if I remember correctly?): During that whole mini-arc about Maka wanting "to be an angel".

I have many problems with that part of the story, especially with how it turns Maka into some generic "tsundre kawaii girl who not so secretly likes the guy who she is bitchy too"

But I wont get too much into that, just the fact that I get the point - Gopher gets introduced as foil to her in that arc, to kinda give her a reality check of how unlikeable and childish she is acting.

But the point is, that even with the most charitable interpretation of the arc, Gopher IS just by his nature a charachter tailor-made (literally) to be obnoxious and annoying.

And unlike Excalibur, I find the way in which he is just groan-worthy and not charming and soothing (Yeah Excalibur is great, shout out to the OG)

But ok, maybe thats just bad impresions, does he improve later? Not really cause his whole gag stays this kinda creepy quasi incestious obssesion with Noah and idk, dont even wanna write about that part too much lol

But even if one just looks at it as a charachter trait with possible development, it leads nowhere, Gopher being static besides his final gag (which I admit is funny but also a bit ehh with the whole implication of what hes gonna do with 7 naked unconcious bodies...)

Still, one could say why am I'm expecting something out of a gag charachter? Just dont overthink it - maybe I wouldnt if Ohkubo didnt kinda setup a situation where it seemed there could be more to him, only to be just wasted panel time in the end:

What I mean is, the whole setup of him torturing and integoriating Kid - which seemed to be a perfect opportunity for charachter development for both of them - because they actually have some simmilarities:

Both are "created" and "reverant" to their Father-figure, both have unhealthy obssessions and both start throwing childish tantrums when things dont go their way. (also surface details like both seemingly being anime pretty boys appeiling to a specific demographic, with the dark hair and proper dress-code etc)

Yet all that didnt lead to anything - neither Gopher realised that his "master" is horrible compared to the other side, nor did it make Kid reflect about his own obssessions and how obnoxious and ridicolous he must look to others.

Neither was there anything about being sorta non human, "created" not born - but thats excusable cause that was revealed after the fact in Kids case.

Hell, still there could be even some strengthening of both sides negative traits, the tragedy of communication being impossible, but all lead just to an ok gag of Kids face being made unsymmetrical.

But also on a tangent, the whole "black wings" thing also just seems to be derivative - especially when the much stronger parallel of "angel vs demon" with black and white wings was between Maka and Crona, so yeah I think the whole obnoxious Maka and Gopher thing kinda deluded that meaning, but thats more of a pet peeve.

Still, to leave of not with just bitching, but an interesting thought, or atleast kinda funny in a stupid way (enough that I will prolly use it as filler in my iceberg videos):

So Gopher is a creation of Noah. But Noah is just one of seven other creations. Who are made by the Index, which is just a manifestation of a part of the Book of Eibon, which was written by the Wizard of the same name.

How many layers of being a tool is that?😂

[lilana163]

Prologue: Reunited// James Potter

Aurora Black loved her cousins she would kill, hurt, or die for them you name it. Sirius and Aurora Black were the same through and through both blood traitors, a disgrace to the family name, both abused until they could no longer see the light, and both faced the most troubles that came with being a Black, both were disowned when they decided to run away from their family at the age of fifteen. The difference between the two was that Aurora can't just be selfish and leave her loved ones behind, so when she heard of Sirius leaving behind Regulus she couldn't go without taking her baby cousin. Aurora wouldn't leave Regulus for the life of her, she packed the youngest Blacks bag and dragged the boy out of 12 Grimmauld place, ending with three Blacks being disowned.

Aurora and Narcissa Black, you will never see one without the other those two girls lived and breathed for each other nothing could separate them, not even their prejudiced family, their different beliefs in blood purity, not the Slytherin and Gryffindor rivalry, nothing because in the end, they will always pick each other no matter what. So when Aurora Potter née Black died the Halloween of 1981 Narcissa felt broken, to say she was sad would be an understatement she lost herself, she lost her other half, she lost the person she could count on for anything.

The Marauders, Messrs Moony, Rory, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs a group of five who started their unbreakable friendship during their first year on the Hogwarts express in the compartment that will forever be theirs. Why is it when something happens it's always those fives? all were keen on embarrassing each other any moment they got, or cause havoc around Hogwarts earning themselves detentions every other day. But their friendship ran deep more than anyone could imagine, they were their own little family, four brothers and a sister who would go to the ends of the earth for the other, if one killed you could count on the others to help hide the body, so when the betrayal of their own led to the death of the others it was a shock to the wizarding world.

James Potter and Aurora Black might have been best friends but that didn't mean they weren't on each other nerves twenty-four-seven, actually Aurora Black never really did anything to annoy the Potter boy, except for the multiple rejections she sent to her best friend who constantly asked her out. That day in their first year when Sirius Black introduced Aurora Black to James Potter he fell for the raven-haired girl, he feel hard, the Gryffindor boy didn't glance at any girl unless it was Aurora Black. He knew, he knew that one day she'll be his and he hers, well he was already hers and James Potter made that quite clear to the Hogwarts staff and students. Aurora Black was the one for him, the only girl that he'll ever drop down on one knee for. Aurora Black was a stubborn girl she wouldn't admit to loving Potter for the life of her, she only realised her feelings towards her best friend in the fifth year because of Harry Potter, the boy who lived, her son. The emerald-eyed girl never knew the difference between platonic love and the romantic one so she was utterly confused for four years when she got jealous seeing many girls drooling over James Potter, she wouldn't admit her jealousy though the raven-haired girl was too prideful, even when she learned that it was not just platonic love and that she would marry James Potter, even have a kid with the guy.

Abuse, abuse was something Aurora Black thought was normal until she meet a family like the Potters,  Mr and Mrs Potter never screamed crucio at the top of their lungs because their son broke a vase, they never screamed crucio if James looked at a muggle-born or was seen talking with one. Aurora Black wished she could say the same, but no, she couldn't say the same because if she even dared do any of those things she would earn herself a slap across the cheek from Druella and be at the other end of Cygnus wand when he screamed crucio, Aurora took every hit and spell her father and mother could throw at her, she wasn't strong at first but after a while she got used to the pain, numb, numb was what  she felt when the cruciatus curse hit her for the hundredth time, maybe even more than a hundred, the girl had a tendency to take her sister's punishments as well. Most of the time the foolish girl volunteered for a punishment if it meant that Bella, Andy, and Cissy wouldn't have to.

Bellatrix Black was thirteen years old when she almost felt the pain from the cruciatus curse, Aurora Black was four years old when she felt the pain casted upon a witch who was hit with the word crucio. Even at the age of four she didn't regret the agonising pain if it meant that her sister didn't have to feel it, at four years old was when she decided that she would take any punishment her sisters were given, and that was a promise.

Her sisters couldn't say the same though, Bellatrix and Andromeda weren't brave enough to step up and take a punishment for their little sister, Narcissa had though, Narcissa jumped in front of the cruciatus curse after it had been pointed towards her sister for two minutes, Narcissa jumped in many times for her sister but was usually thrown out of the way by Aurora who hated hearing the blood wrenching screams of her other half. Narcissa soon stopped after a while when Aurora would yell at her afterwards, what Aurora didn't understand was that Narcissa couldn't handle her sisters screams of pain just how she couldn't handle the screams that came from Narcissa's mouth when she took the curses for her.

When Aurora was sorted into Gryffindor it tore the four sisters relationship apart, Bella no longer spoke a word to her sister, Andy would pull her aside to talk secretly, and Narcissa stayed by her sister's side showcasing the love she had for her sister each time she got too. The broken sisterhood still didn't stop the love that ran through the Black sister's blood whether any would admit it or not, still, they all loved each other, all still wished that everything was how it once was when they ran through the meadows chasing after butterflies. When Aurora Potter was found dead alongside her husband, all sisters grieved, Bella hated her younger sisters way of life but she still couldn't prevent herself from letting out loud cries when she sat alone in a room, Cissy became depressed and couldn't tend to her own son's needs for a long period of time, it was so bad that the twin broke down each time seeing Harry Potter, recognising the same emerald eyes her dear sister once had, Andy faked a smile, she had no tears to cry, she cried that Halloween night till the next morning and that was it, she didn't let herself cry but instead put up a fake smile for her niece who she now needed to care for.

Harry Potter the boy who lived, the boy who only had pictures and the voice of his mother telling him that his parents loved him, the boy who only had his aunt Cissy, auntie Andy, uncle Ted, and cousin Dora. Only four people who cared for him, and he was grateful that he was left with some kind of family.

Pictures, pictures were all Harry had, he had pictures of his mother and father in their years at Hogwarts, he loved re-watching the pictures play on and on, saying goodnight to each photo once the moon shined bright. Harry Potter hated Peter Pettigrew, he was the reason he no longer had parents, so he made sure that his hate for Peter Pettigrew was visible and shined bright just like Sirius who light up when Harry looked up at the night sky.

The whole great hall sat peacefully until loud laughs and shouts could be heard from down the corridor, everyone seemed to hear the loud noises and turned to the door where the loud yells got nearer, only when her old nickname was yelled had Minerva dropped her spoon and ran to the door to see if the yells did belong to the voices she heard so long ago.

" Oi, you lot get back here, detention all of you," Filch yelled looking down at his know purple cat.

" I didn't even do anything," yelled the calm voice of Alice as she was dragged down the corridors by Frank who ran behind Sirius Black who held his cousin Aurora on his back.

" We better hide, Minnie is probably stomping her way towards us," James laughed turning back at his friends who all glared at the boy.

" I am not getting detention because Potter and the Black duo decided to change the stupid fur of a stupid cat!" Lily yelled at Sirius, James, and Aurora who burst out in laughter at the redhead whose face now matched her hair.

" Lily is scary when she mad," Regulus mumbled to Remus backing away from the redhead.

" Sorry Lils, I love you!" Aurora pouted towards her best friend who glared at her.

" Wormy, watch out for that Rave-" but before Aurora could finish Petter had already bumped into a blonde Ravenclaw, Aurora and James were the first to laugh following along with Remus and Sirius who laughed at how ugly their sisters laugh sounded.

[frumfrumfroo]

What are your favorite movies and TV shows outside of SW? I’m looking for new things to watch since SW was so disappointing

My tastes are pretty eclectic, so I will stick to just things that are either similar to sw or are in the reylo-esque romance wheelhouse and have happy endings:

Chuck. It is a goofy, light-hearted action-adventure show with extremely endearing characters and a very prominent central romance (seriously, heavy romance and there is a lot of payoff for it, you will be FED- it's kind of slow burn but also shockingly NOT slow burn, they are deep into it pretty much immediately). The main couple is the classic Stoic Badass gradually softened by an innocent they have to protect who is a liability in battle but full of the Power of Heart. Chuck is The Heart btw. He is of that vanishingly rare male Beauty (of B&tB) type. He's incredibly generous and open, Sarah is prickly and closed-off. It is Quality. Very much a gender-swap of your typical cliche anime couple lol. I would recommend stopping at the mid-season finale in season 4, because it's downhill from there. The beginning of season 3 is very rough, but it's definitely worth it to stay for the back half, imo. There are several great endings to choose from before things go to shit, so we don't need to talk about the finale. Probably the most tonally similar to SW thing possible without being high/space fantasy. More humour, more silly, but definitely has a spiritual kinship. Has the best THE BEST 'secret revealed' scenes I have ever seen in anything. If you're into that and were hoping for that in ep IX, you need to watch Chuck.

The Shop Around the Corner. 1940 romance/drama film. You've Got Mail is a remake of it. Jimmy Stewart being profoundly adorable, Frank Morgan (aka the Wizard of Oz), various amusing side characters, and an absolutely deathless double blind 'secretly in love with the workplace nemesis' plot that can and probably has been a great reylo AU.

Mirromask. Fantasy/coming-of-age film. Touted as a 'spiritual successor' to Labyrinth by the filmmakers (one of whom is Neil Gaiman) and let me tell you, that is extremely apt. Beautiful, magical, laden with symbolism and Mask Discourse, and has a great ship. I quote it regularly.

Speaking of which, I'm sure you've seen Labyrinth? If you haven't seen Labyrinth, drop everything and watch Labyrinth.

Legend (the Ridley Scott director's cut, not the theatrical cut). Sumptuous fairy tale, runs on proper fairy tale logic, stunning to look at and overall captivating. Tim Curry. Tim Curry as a lonely tragic lord of darkness who tries to seduce the heroine and has drippingly overwrought monologues.

Howl's Moving Castle. Fairy tale adventure/romance film. Beautifully animated, has the ending you want.

The Silence of the Lambs. Thriller/drama film. Actual masterpiece. Use it as a gateway drug to read the books and rejoice that Clannibal is canon and it is spectacular. Just SotL and Hannibal, you don't need to read the other two. Stan Clarice Starling and revel in that ending. Most triumphant 'villain'/heroine ship of all time (he is not technically a villain but for shorthand's sake).

The Adventures of Baron Munchausen. Terry Gilliam 1988 fantasy/adventure film. THE TRIUMPH OF IDEALISM OVER CYNICS I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW HEALING IT WAS TO WATCH AFTER THE TROS BULLSHIT HIT. Jonathan Pryce's spiritual villain is basically Chris Terrio and it is cathartic to see imagination and sentiment conquer him.

Sabrina. 1995 romance film. Modern fairy tale with Harrison Ford. Rejecting what you thought you wanted all your life for the thing you actually need, growing up but still believing in magic, beautiful character development across all the leads. Could be (and is irrc) a fantastic reylo AU.

The Scarlet Pimpernel. 1934 adventure film. High romance, secret identities, play-acting, people who aren't at all what they appear to be, falling in love with your own spouse, Big Heroism, guile and wit and audacity. It makes me do little kicks like a happy baby. This is one of the 3-5 films constantly tied for my favourite film of all time. There is a good quality rip free on youtube. Watch it and fall in love with Leslie Howard (this is possibly my favourite acting performance of all time).

Oh, related note. Pygmalion 1938 or My Fair Lady. (The musical is based on this film and borrows from it heavily, including its much more romantic ending compared to the original play.)

The Mummy. 1999 action/adventure/romance film. Very tonally similar to sw. A fucking great time, A+ characters.

EVER AFTER. 1998 romance film. The flawless and perfect and best ever Cinderella adaptation. This is the most satisfying film in history, maybe, the ending is so good it is amazing it exists. Also, it has Richard O'Brien being slimy. Huge selling point. Grapples with identity and stewardship, is brilliant.

Fruits Basket. drama/romance anime. I haven't watched the new version yet, but it's following the manga so I know the story. The original anime didn't do the whole plot (because they caught up with the source material) but it's wonderful and I still recommend it. The central ship is (spoiler.........) a B&tB type where we eventually discover the main love interest both feels like a figurative monster and turns into a literal monster. He has an incredible speech about his relationship with people's fear, it makes me weep. I called the endgame from the first episode and always thought it was obvious, but there is a red herring love triangle dynamic. It's really not annoying, though, because it is a red herring. (I hate love triangles)

I am Dragon. Russian monster romance film. Beautiful, simple fable with a really great heroine.

Jane Eyre. 1943 Gothic Romance film. It's Jane Eyre, byronic hero x sensible heroine love story with much atmosphere and Gothic drama. I stan this version because I am an Orson Welles fangirl and I'm also not convinced it can be improved upon. Elizabeth Taylor's film debut btw.

Hellboy. 2004 action/adventure/romance film. Defying destiny, reconciling identity, monster romance. The complete package and a great time. Tonally similar to SW and probably thematically closest to it out of this whole list. Don't watch the sequel.

Beauty and the Beast 1987 tv series. Exactly what it says on the tin. Deals with the classic B&tB themes, but in a different way. He's not cursed and will never transform into an ordinary man. The first season is very episodic and 'case of the week', but the second season gets more into character drama. It's dated, but if you give it a chance you can get past some of the cheese factor and it's really a unique experience. Its concerns are SO atypical that it feels like something fandom would make rather than a mainstream network show. It was so massively, insanely popular with women at the time that a record of Vincent (the beast) reading poetry topped the album charts. Also Ron Perlman and Linda Hamilton. Stop at season two. Point of interest: George RR Martin wrote for this show.

Stargate (the movie not the series) sci-fi fantasy about a nerdy guy who accidentally a hero.

Possession. 2009... mystery/supernatural/romance. Okay. This is a whole thing. Lee Pace and Sarah Michelle Gellar. It's based on a Korean film I've never been able to find for some reason, but being Hollywood they ruined the romanticism and nuance of the original in the theatrical cut to make a shitty punative ending. However. If you buy it on dvd and go to the alternate ending (which follows the original story) with around 20 minutes left (scene after Lee Pace's character wakes from a bad dream-go to deleted scenes and select the alternate ending), you will get a very, very interesting character study/thriller/redemption about sincerity within deception, compassion, and a major question about second chances with a positive answer. It's kind of dark and kind of astonishingly idealistic at the same time. The heroine makes a very powerful choice, twice over. It's fascinating. If you're into the conflicted and uncertain period in reylo, the part where he is most ambiguous, and you wanted more of that and much darker shades to it, you might be really into this. Also, it should be noted, there is a MASSIVE height difference and they show it off. The film is flawed (and the seams show on the Hollywood rewrite) but idk, it's fascinating. Shocking to me that they even got to shoot the original ending. It is pretty balls to the wall with its themes on forgiveness.

I would recommend getting into kdramas because there is a wealth of female-gaze tropey amazing content, but always check the ending before getting invested. My all-time fave is the 1st Shop of Coffee Prince, but it's not sw related at all lmao. It has a happy ending with all the elements you'd want, but it's not satisfying in execution, so that's it's major flaw and I find that pretty common with kdramas. One that is maybe more relevant is My Love from Another Star, which has a hero who is a little bit like Ben in personality. The heroine isn't my favourite, though. It does have a decent ending.

Oh yeah- brain fart. Kurosawa films and classic westerns were both very influential on SW. Or you can combine both and watch The Magnificent Seven.

[calamariimpossible]

Magicians on the internet, crypto, and the email that broke me.

This is a continuation of a twitter thread that Muz (@mzkrx) started to write out in his car but then when he plotted out his thoughts, it made more sense to him to put it down in a blog format rather than a thread. You'll find out why as you read through.

Stuck in the car for half an hour so I'm gonna do a thread (Editor's note: Now a whole-ass blog post) about a strange email I got recently.

So I was casually watching magic tricks on YouTube. the funnest part of which to me is reading the comments. YouTube commenters love explaining how they think the trick is done and it's fun to read through their theories and connect dots between similar tricks, etc.

And then one time as I was scrolling I noticed a comment that didn't make sense. It was a string of an almost sentence. Intelligible enough to not be random words but odd enough to read like a trigger phrase for something.

The closest I can describe it as is like the string Zemo used to wake up the Winter Soldier, but with some syntax to it. Like "many thermos wiggle throughout exotic harbinger of circle ascending fuchsia entrapment".

Initially I thought nothing of it, but then I kept seeing them in these magic trick video comment sections. They're never the same string, and it's always under magic trick videos. from different channels even.

Hmmm.

The profiles that posted these comments are also always blank accounts with zero videos and no profile pic. Just their name. I felt like it was too much of a coincidence for these comments to only be under magic trick videos.

I also knew that the world of performance magic is thick with secrets. That is to say, there is deliberate obfuscation of information whenever you try to go online to find out how a trick works.

Magicians get together online and share information with each other just like performers of every other sort as well but the amount of code and doublespeak they use is an order of magnitude more annoying to decipher compared to say, an engineering message board or a gamedev forum.

Knowing that, I thought maybe this almost parsable gibberish I keep seeing everywhere was also some kind of code these people were using to talk to each other.

So I started investigating.

First things first, let's just Google one of the phrases. Maybe that's enough?

And it sorta was.

Pasting them onto the search bar lent me to only 1 result (wild!) and it was a website that looked really dank. Like geocities dank. Annoying neon colours and badly margined jpegs of tarot card images everywhere and a big bold header text that said something to the effect of:

"Congratulations, you've found our hidden message. This portal is only for those seeking knowledge beyond what is on the surface. Continue below."

* * *

I haven't been doing well. I feel like I say that too much. I say it on Patreon, on my personal podcast, whenever any of my friends ask me how I'm doing, pretty much everywhere. I feel very heavy. I understand I'm not the only one feeling like this during a pandemic.

Duh.

But I have this other version of worry that I can't quite articulate until right now: I'm scared I won't be funny anymore. Anwar and Farid can attest that even during our recordings I don't feel up to being funny. I question my jokes a lot. I barely enjoy telling them. I'm worried I'm letting everyone down.

To me, silliness and absurdism as virtues only make sense when the world has trace amounts of injustice and wrongness that training ourselves to see it in our everyday helps us remind ourselves of what is just and fair. The more we consume silliness, the more we are able to recognize silly and point it out. So we don't ignore it when things go wrong, so we talk about it, manage it. So we can take care of each other.

Maybe I can't be sure if we're all up for taking care of each other right now.

* * *

"Continue below" seems instructive, but it wasn't. Like I mentioned, the margins were haphazard and the CSS was all over the place. Some jpegs were straight up cropped off.

Meaning I can't be sure what "below" meant. But there were clickable images and text so I was readily intrigued.

It was tantalizing. Did I stumble into some secret order of Extremely Online Magicians? Maybe I'll finally find out why there aren't many female magicians out there. Maybe it's some sort of secret initiation to a secret message board full of secrety secrets. Secretly.

Y'all.

I didn't click on any of the linked images or anything. I closed the tab. That was the end of that.

An earlier version of myself would gladly run headlong into this rabbit hole to find out more and sink hours into some goddessforsaken labyrinth of links. But the current version of me recognizes this for what it almost certainly is: an abandoned roleplaying game.

Back in the early 00s when the internet was the realm of nerds and nerds only, it was full of people who loved sharing things for sharing's sake. It used to be punk rock to maintain a blog that only talked about snails or have a lo-fi YouTube channel that uploads biweekly 3-minute news about your house, or manage a little message board where people roleplay as wizards who rummage around the net looking for clues.

That last part was a thing I remember being actively involved in. In '03, a group of online friends and I wrote up a scavenger hunt of sorts where we sent people through various blog pages that we have where the goal is to just dick around and have fun. We wasted each other's time for sure. Hundreds of hours of it for literally no gain at all but for some laughs and fun memories.

The internet isn't like that anymore. People don't share something online for sharing anymore. Not really. There's this idea that if you put stuff out there, you want people's attention because numbers are good. You get a lotta reblogs and RTs and Likes which means people Like you.

If you don't have a lotta numbers, you don't matter. If you do, everyone has to talk about what you said or did because it's 'News' now.

Isn't that kinda gross, you think? That we need people to interact through an app to be sure that we're Liked? I say "we" but I mean me. I've successfully poisoned my brain to believe this to a certain extent too and it's not good.

I felt myself physically react when I closed that geocities magician website tab. I shuddered because my brain went from "this is cool" to "I gotta let people know I found this" to "this'll get me hella RTs" to "ew Muz why did you think that" within 3 seconds and I was disgusted with myself.

As a dude who started my online presence on YouTube and parlayed it into my real life comedy/writing career, I've believed for a long time that doing good work and putting it out there is what it takes for a working creative to make it because that's what I did. So there's this idea that making stuff and having it be seen is some kind of virtuous.

But it's not anymore. People pick fights with children for clout. Newspapers post about people's tweets as if its important. People are investing in crypto, a thing that literally only exists as electrical waste on a grand scale. We're boiling the oceans to yell at each other over nothing and exchange bits of code everyone agrees has ever-rising value but doesn't. Everyone is making and eating junk, it feels like.

So am I making junk? Have I just been making useless junk for literally over a decade now? Is that what I've been good for this entire time?

* * *

So the email.

It was a response from a company I applied to for a job. I applied as a creative writer and they're an advertising agency.

Receiving emails from a prospective employer when you're in need of a job is exciting! So soon after I applied, too. Wonderful. Here's what it said:

We just received your application today but would love to extend the opportunity for you to participate in the Case Competition as a prerequisite of your job application for Creative Writer position with [REDACTED] and stand a chance to be a winner for cash awards up to a total worth of RM1,800.

Yea.

They want me to enter a competition where I compete with other candidates to get a chance of being hired.

This company saw how many people applied for a job with them, and decided to dangle some cash and throw it over the fence to see which candidate will fight for it the most.

I didn't expect to feel vomitous after reading an email but that did it. I almost dry heaved. That's where we are now.

Recruiters see a glut of applicants and decided to play Fall Guys. These people watch Istana Takeshi and think Takeshi is the good guy. It hurts. It hurt me. That email caused me pain.

I can't at all empathise with recruiters who think this was okay to do. They really believed that creative writers will do a little dance for them just for money.

Look, I know we all need to eat. But I can also hate that people undervalue the work of creatives to this painful extent.

I don't give a shit about earning a lot of dough. I just wanna make things that tickle people. I want you to smile more.

That's the whole point of that weird little YouTube comment that led to the quirky website. That's the whole idea of making silly videos and dumb tweets and memes. We just want you to laugh.

But it seems people think so little of joy that they'll do whatever they can to avoid legitimately supporting and paying for stuff that gets them through the day. So much so that they want free work from us for the potential of maybe being able to get paid for more work. It breaks me, man.

I hate that I cannot make a living just trying my best to make people happy.

That's the best way I know to take care of you.

I know I don't just 'make junk' for a living. People have messaged me personally that my work has helped them get through tough times in school, in their relationships, at the office and I am eternally grateful that they took the time to tell me that.

I just also wish my feelings about my work aren't easily brought down by the majority of people who insist its worthless. Even if sometimes those people is me.

So forgive me if I won't be funny for a while. I'm gonna need some time to process this. Thank you for reading. I love you.

[bygosscarmine]

We Who See Thestrals

A Harry Potter post-canon fic: Luna Lovegood x George Weasley 

hopefully that isn’t a shocker at this point

Go to Chapter 1

2: George Weasley, Talent Manager

2183 words

They went clattering down the stairs to the shop's main floor, where Luna was standing behind a cleared table, with a circle of children of varying ages. As they got closer, George realized she was doing Muggle magic. Her soft voice pattered through a nonsense description of space and time, while the cards seemed to leap from her hands--not necessarily that strange to a wizarding audience, but different cards seemed to leap out of the deck and show themselves as she said words related to hearts or kings or seven and so on.

"Not that," said Ron, annoyed. "It's the Pygmy Puffs!"

George went to the big glass enclosure, and peered in. The coloration and markings range seemed to be normal but...

"Gobstopping Goblins," he whispered.

There was a nest of baby Puffs in the corner, just naked tiny bean-blobs. All Pygmy Puffs until now had been magically altered Puffskein young. The best results were at about two weeks before birth, but the range of about two weeks around that date was usually fruitful. The tricky bit was transforming only the developing young, not the parent. Never had he dreamed they could actually reproduce the Pygmy mutation naturally.

"Are you telling me that Luna is in some way responsible for inducing the Pygmys to have offspring?" he asked Ron, trying to imagine this process.

"She thinks it has to do with telling them fairy tales. I think it has more to do with the fact that she's built them little homes."

Sure enough, there were little decorated boxes, two large enough to hold a whole pack of Pygmy Puffs, two smaller as if for a nuclear family unit. The nest appeared to be made from the shreds of one of the smaller boxes. The tiny hairless creatures he assumed were the natural children of some couple within the glass container were being hovered around by two pink Pygmy Puffs, who had floated to be between his large head and the nest so he could no longer see it directly.

"You know, I think you're right. Probably you're both right."

He stayed until Luna had finished her magic show, to ask her some more questions.

"What do you think?" she asked. "Is my Muggle magic pretty good now?"

"I saw you finessing that with some summoning," George said severely. "Which just goes to show you are a very skilled witch, since that's not easy real magic, either. What about these guys? You've been giving them the birds and bees talk?"

"Just a little privacy and folklore to build their culture on," she said, reaching down under the mesh top of the cage to let some of the little fur balls cluster against her fingers. "I thought about separating the males and females but Ronald said you didn't know a way to determine sex. Besides, we don't know if they have a binary breeding system."

One of the pink parental puffs bobbed over to Luna's hand cautiously, zoomed at her as if beating her off, and rushed away again. Luna slowly withdrew her hand.

"I don't think they are smart enough to recognize a person," she said somewhat sadly.

"They're probably smarter than they let on," said George, who had never seen the puffs so interested in a human. There was a bit of an issue of bonding with the puffs, which wasn't bad for shop profits, but wasn't quite what he liked as an inventor. Puffskeins seemed just barely large enough to have the brains to recognize a familiar human. Pygmy Puffs, not so much.

Maybe they were usually just too immature.

"Was there anything else?" Luna asked.

"Sorry?" George was a little startled.

"You came down here in such a rush, and I hate to keep you from your work. Ron said you only come down to work in the shop when it's really crazy."

"Well, yes," George said. "Rather. Summer hols coming up, will need to be up to snuff so we can just offload our goods on the children who will be loose for a few months."

"So was there anything else you needed to ask me about?"

"Nothing I needed to ask, but plenty I'd like to," he said, grinning. "How long did you practice the cards before coming up with that little twist?"

"I bought a pack and the pamphlet and took it home," said Luna. "So I've had a lot of hours at home working on it."

She seemed to be apologizing for not being an instant expert.

"I have never seen anyone over the age of fourteen put so much effort into card-tricks before. I am impressed."

"Oh," said Luna, nonplussed.

"I was also going to ask you to consult on my ideas for a new mothers line of products, but somehow I don't think you're the right candidate for that."

"Can I see your workshop, though? I'm very curious about that," Luna said. "Ronald said you wouldn't want to be disturbed but he just went to get you so you're already interrupted."

"Certainly you can." He was pleased, really. "I just got off the phone with Neville, but maybe you can give me an opinion on the algae pet I'm developing."

"A phone?"

"Not a Muggle phone," George hurried to say. "I'll show you what I mean with that, too."

"I'd like to talk to Neville, too," she said. Her always slightly wistful voice was not necessarily more melancholy as she said this, but he was strangely afraid it was.

"Rhodie, we'll be back in a jiff," George called out. "I'm curious about our numbers of Pygmy sales to availability over the summer last year, if you have a minute to check on that."

He ushered Luna up the cramped stairs in the stock-room, where the muted sounds of children shouting at the Snap made the sense of having slipped out of the world more acute. He always felt that a little, coming up here, but leading a newcomer through the maze of boxes with their slight coating of inevitable dust, the sound of their footsteps in the heavy quiet, made it stronger.

"Did you have this one made?" Luna said when they came to the cabinet.

"Well spotted," said George, fairly sure he should be feeling a little shame about conspicuous wealth right now, but just feeling a bit pepped up. "It's pretty new. We had to actually do a lot of research and a little guesswork to get it made. Very complicated magic, have a feeling the originals were dark in nature. Nothing a little ingenuity couldn't fix!"

He opened the door. "Usually I'd say, after you, but always watch a man go first into his vanishing cabinet. I'll leave the door open on the way out."

He stepped through.

For a few moments, he was unsure if she'd lost her nerve to come. Or something bad had happened with the cabinet.

Then she stepped out nonchalantly, staring at the lintel of the door keenly, as if she'd been inspecting it.

"That felt like nothing. Really, apparating could well be replaced by a few of these in wizarding gathering places and we'd all be so much more comfortable."

"True," said George.

Now a pang of consumer guilt hit him, so he did not volunteer that to keep this one working accurately he had to limit daily use. Luna took in the room around them and he considered it himself. It was cleanish and brighter than most wizarding research facilities. He had a rather large terrace-house and the attic formed his laboratory. Everything from modern muggle science equipment to herbs hung from the gabled roof, with the highest center part over the working table, where he'd installed an intake fan so he could easily air out the fumes. He'd bespelled it to also make any colorful or intriguing fumes clear.

Just the kinds of precautions he and Fred had found out the hard way in their room laboratory all those years ago.

"How do you call Neville?" Luna asked.

"Here, see this? Do you remember the extendable ears?"

"Sure."

He held out the bits of rubber-covered foam that now were just as long as a fingertip, and brightly colored so he lost fewer of them. "It's actually connected to the Floo network, so you may see things slightly green for a moment, but you just have to give the address."

Luna gingerly took them but nearly immediately dropped the first one she tried to put in. George swiftly bent down to pick it up, and said, "Here."

He brushed some of her rampant hair away from her ear and squeezed the earplug before setting it in her ear. "Like this," he said, showing her how to compress it. She put in the other without too much issue, knowing know she could safely push it inward.

"What's Neville's fireplace?" she asked, a little too loudly.

"Twelve, Hogwarts."

The earplugs didn't really dampen sound much, so he didn't have to yell. But Luna did, as if jumping into a fireplace, and he grinned.

"Hello, Neville," she said next, in a normal tone of voice. "Did I startle you? Yes, it's me, Luna. Oh, this marvelous!"

She gave George an incandescent smile, and jumped a little. "Neville, how's Pomfrey? Oh, good. I thought that tonic should help his scalewort. I have to go. Maybe George will lend me his ears again. Goodbye, Neville!"

After a pause she said in a whisper, "Do I just take them off?"

"Yes," he said, holding out his hand. "Before I had them turn off with a word, but it was annoying to hear other people say half the word all the time, and it's easier if they just stop when one or the other takes them off."

She dropped them in his hand, scrutinizing them slightly, then turned to the desk beside them. "Were you talking to Neville about this?"

The goldfish bowls with the hopeful algae pets were lined up, labelled so he could track the various tests he'd done. Currently there were twelve. The first six he'd given up on as past further experiments were now living with his female relatives, and a few were set downstairs in the shop as a teaser while they waited for Neville to come pick them up.

"Yes. It's tricky to work with biological things. I don't have the hang of it. Neville secretly disapproves of me messing with nature, or I'd just ask him to be my inventor."

George raked his hair up on end as he stared at the blobs of algae that loosely resembled the heads of the Green Man but not enough.

"I suppose using a cutting charm to just fix them isn't enough," said Luna. "You want them to develop for real so people know what they are."

"And it's pretty easy to get them to look vaguely like people in an ugly way. We always think things look like people."

"You want them to be cute? One of your mom-line?"

"Yes," said George, a little surprised she had connected those thoughts. "If I figure out how to affect their shape more, then I can make them trolls or fairies or crones or princes. Then people can pick what they like."

"Yes, and then people can really talk to them, like a friend."

George had not considered this angle, but it made sense.

"Well, it's just something I'm asking anyone for leads about. Feel free to look around and ask about anything you find intriguing."

She pattered around, hands holding her hair back from falling on anything. It was so unconscious he suddenly saw her as a tiny witch in her mother's test kitchen, keeping her hands out of the range of anything dangerous. He had known her mother had been killed by a failed experiment, which he had promptly tried to forget, as an inventor prone to explosions himself.

"What is this?" she asked, leaning over a pan of starts.

"I'm just trying to learn more about botany and magic. They're violets."

She looked up, eyes glinting. She was laughing, for some reason, about him growing flowers. The skylights diffused the light well through the room, but she was wreathed in sun, since he'd put the starts right in the path of the light.

"Well, probably should send you back through to keep Rhodie in line." He stood, "It's been lovely having you. And don't listen to Ron if he says I'm not to be disturbed. I say that to him because I find him disturbing."

Luna chuckled, and swished out through the cabinet, which he shut with deliberation. Then he went downstairs from his house and out the door to walk all the way to The Three Broomsticks instead of just going out his own shop door and turning left.

By the time his friends showed up for the late Brazil v. Mozambique match, he was three pints in. Angelina swung her way in, and halted next to George to say, "Blimey, George. Why are you sodden already?"

"Just enjoying a night off," he said vehemently.

-

Go to Chapter 3

[mazojo]

I was wondering if you had any ideas/headcanons for the kids of the LIs of Love and Legends?

Heyy anon! Yess I love me some head canons of my mainsss which I adore, ill try my best

Saerys

- Okay so they have twins I LOVE TWINS STORYLINES asdghejw, one boy and one girl

- They get Saerys eyes I may have a slight weakness to characters with heterochromatic eyes ;w;

- I think being born from a Demon and human one of them will be full on demon and the other will be more humanoid. Maybe this will cause conflicts due to jealousy? bUT somehow through a twin connection where one is dying or something (the angst tho) the one with the demon powers gets to share some and they conquer the world together??? IDK LET ME DREAM Lol

- MC would totally let them skip school to train and although Saerys would be resilient at first, he would let them because he loves his family and would teach them everything they needed to know to stay safe and protected.

- The girl would probably be kind of mysterious and edgy and the boy more goofy. They would be super competitive between them but protective when it comes to dangers surrounding the other.

- Twins would probably act more like parents than actual MC and Saerys which are just confused half of the time, but they would do anything for their family

- Lots of trips to Chicago, Saerys would be frustrated at how easily they grasp the concept of a smartphone when he still gets scared when the ringtone starts chiming.

August

- They probably would have a biG family, like 6 kids big lololl

- Oldest to youngest their ages would be 21 (boy), 17 (boy), 15 (girl), 10 (girl), 9 (boy) and 5 (girl)

- They would bicker, like a lot. Specially the 17 year old boy and the 15 year old girl who would totally fight for who is the best in combat and both act like alpha’s to the family lol. 

- The boy who is 21 years old would be the protective one, always ensuring his siblings are okay and would totally be the mom friend tm

- 10 and 9 years old would be troublemakers and best friends, boy would be a bit shy but 10 year old girl would be a mischief kween

- 5 year old girl would grow to be the strongest in combat and lead the general army due to constantly wanting to keep up with her brothers and sisters, she would be sassy and have the best comebacks when growing up lol

- August and MC would have playfully fights on who is the best parent and their kids would just sigh and roll their eyes when they start listing all the ways they are better than the other (ending in them being all couple-y lollolol, kind of like in “Anything you can do”)

Altea

- Twin girls againnn asfkhre I am weak okay??

- They would totally swap clothes and pretend to be each other all the time

- They both get magical powers and would try to prove to each other who is the most powerful, only to be interrupted by Altea who would separate them with her magical boss self of course doing this only to prove she is the most powerful one lolol.

- MC and Altea would be such supportive parents tbh, attending all events and cheering their babiesss

- They would be d r a m a t i c and probs extroverted

- Twins would love to visit Chicago and totally find every single excuse for Altea and MC to take them. They love the fact they can lead a double secret life, teens worrying about makeup all day and epic wizards beings in secret tune in to next episode of Hannah Montana loll

Iseul

- Another big oneee, 3 boys and one girl (who would be the eldest) but the boys act like they have to protect her. Girl would be 16 years old while the boys 11, 9 and 8

- Iseul, MC and the kids would have prank competitions all the time ending in full on wars lol

- The kids would love Iseuls family and would be constantly hanging out with queen Isahara, specially the girl, which would make Iseul groan at all the family embarrassing bonding time.

- Probably super sporty family, all belonging to sport clubs in school and rivalry on to who was the best (even though the youngest one was the best by a mile because he got those archery skills from papa)

- Loaaaads of camping trips, if Girl Scouts existed in magical land, they would totally be scouts.

- The 11 year old boy would be player-ish and be on relationships since birth which MC doesn’t really approve off but Isuel be giving his boy high fives.

- 9 year old would totally take on his dads humor and laugh at the most inappropriate situations and walk into dangerous situations all the time because he can be kinda clueless leaving it up to their siblings to rescue him (never a better time to bond than in danger amaright?? lol)

Reiner

- 2 boys that are 1 year apart from each other age wise.

- Oh god Reiner would totally be that dad who makes dad jokes 24/7 and the boys and MC would just groan every-time.

- I imagine the youngest one being super gentleman-ish and the elder a troublemaker

- When it comes down to who would take Reiners position the older brother would totally give his place to his brother and go live in Chicago to lead a seemingly normal life.

- MC would be super jealous of who they date because who dares touch her bois, break their heart and ill break you, while Reiner would just calm her down with terrible puns that end up cracking a smile on her.

- They would be opposites but they got each others backs, they complement each other

Helena

- Helena and MC would have one girl and one boy that are 5 years apart from one another, the girl being the eldest.

- They would fight allll the time and would so have magical powers, kind of like a the incredibles Violet and Dash relationship.

- The girl would totally go through her emo face while the boy would embarrass her in public which would end up in bickering 

- Helena would be protective m o m while MC would be lost half of the time, she would totally read a parenting book.

- Oh god but it would totally be Dash and Violet dynamic

- Also like the boy would be really curious and nosey, snooping through her stuff and teasing her for her crushes, earning a magic blast and starting small fights Helena stops with a swish of her hand.

- Although they fight all the time, they genuinely care about the other and secretly help each other out when the other is in trouble (like if the boy is being bullied and the girl notices, she would threaten the bullies making the best imitation Helena, or if the girl fell asleep in the living room, the boy would take her to her room and made sure she rested).

Alain

- They have one girl and she is Alain’s and MC’s literal world

- She would be nerdy and shy, probably smart and hates conflict

- She would be super pretty and get tons of guys after her but would be kinda clueless when it comes to love, would probably end up falling with the least expected person. Also as a side note Alain would probably threaten every boy that enters the house while MC chuckles at his jealousy over 13 year old boys

- MC and Alain would totally read bedtime stories up until she has to talk with them about how 10 years old do not need their parents reading to them anymore lol

- Alain would totally leave embarrassing little notes in her lunchbox she pretends to be annoyed about but secretly would keep because his dad is the best

- Would love going to Chicago and would laugh with MC at how clueless her dad looked and jumped at every sign of danger (which basically meant every car that passed by)

AhhHhhH I actually got so excited writing these and hopefully they give us some kids seasons soonnn

[ladywinchester1967]

Made to Be Broken

Summary: She’s the President’s daughter and he’s head of her security detail. What could go wrong?

Pairing: Secret Service Dean Winchester x Julianna Mills (OFC, The President’s Daughter)

Word Count: 5104

Warnings: Language, Smut (of the dirty, filthy variety), secrecy, FLUFF (good lord, the fluff came from no where!), mentions of torture, angst, feels, dirty talk, unprotected sex. I think that’s it.  

Square Filled: Secretly Dating

A/N: Written for @spngenrebingo the title was inspired by THIS performance of “Iris” by The Goo Goo Dolls. It resonated with me and I hope that shows in this work (granted, I’ve seen the song performed a million times but for some reason, this one just stuck with me.) Unbeta’d, all mistakes are mine, but the pictures are NOT. I found them on Google, Pinterest and tumblr.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

This was wrong, on so many levels. This could get him fired and her publicly shamed; that didn’t stop them however, God himself could have told them to stop and they wouldn’t have listened.

He hiked her skirt up as he flung her panties off as she practically ripped his belt and fly open.

“How long do we have?” She asked as she pulled his pants down

“Twenty minutes?” He asked “Give or take.”

“Better make it quick Winchester,” she told him as she feverishly kissed him “wouldn’t want anyone to come looking for us.”

“You’re with me baby,” he said “NO ONE’S gonna come looking for us.”

He pushed deep inside her as she moaned.

It had started eight months ago; shortly after Dean had been hired on as a member of the Secret Service. They’d first laid eyes on each other a few days before the Presidential Inauguration when they’d been introduced.

“Ma’am, this is Agent Winchester,” The Director of the Secret Service, Bobby Singer, has told her “Agent Winchester, this is Julianna Mills. You’re now assigned as part of her security detail.”

With raven hair, eyes as blue as sapphires; she wore a grey suit with a pencil skirt, a pale pink top poking out from under her suit jacket and t-strap pumps; she had black, winged eyeliner and ruby red lipstick on as well. She gave him a kind, white toothed smile and extended her small, perfectly manicured hand to him.

“Agent Winchester,” She said with a smile “a pleasure.”

Dean flashed her a grin; he looked sharp in a navy blue suit, white shirt and black tie.

“I completely agree.” He told her.

Dean had followed Julianna around like he was supposed to, keeping her moving as her father walked in front of her and her mother.

“Agent Winchester?” She asked him later that night as he walked her to her hotel room door.

“You can call me Dean, if that helps.” He told her and she nodded.

“Dean, how many people have you looked after?” She asked

“Quite a few,” he said “I was a body guard before a decided to join the Secret Service.”

“Have you ever killed anyone?” She asked

He shook his head

“A few well placed kicks and punches usually gets my point across,” he told her “but when I served in the military, yes I did.”

“Can you tell me more about that?” She asked

“Not tonight ma’am,” he said “maybe another time.”

“Why not tonight?” She asked “If you’re going to follow me around I should at least know things about you.”

“I’ll make you a deal,” Dean told her “If you don’t give me any trouble, I’ll tell you all about my military career. Deal?”

She stuck her hand out and shook his

“I’m holding you to that.” She told him.

“I know you will ma’am.” He said

“Please, just call me Julie.” She told him and he nodded.

The next day, Dean escorted Julianna to a local children’s hospital that she frequented. She loved to go in and see the kids and read to them; even bringing books she thought they would like. The Secret Service had gone ahead with dogs and made sure the room Julianna would be meeting the kids in was completely secure.

“Dean, we have a problem,” Dean’s brother, Sam, told him “we’ve got media outside and Julianna specifically asked that no media be present.”

“She did?” Dean asked “She didn’t tell me.”

“She told me this morning,” Sam told him “can you get the police or security here to get them to back off?”

“I’m on it,” Dean said and pulled out his phone “I thought it was a good thing for her to be seen doing shit like this.”

“It is,” Sam said as they walked “but she wants to protect the privacy of the kids.”

Dean was slightly thrown off, but nonetheless, made the call and got local police and hospital security on the media. Once they were back on public property, Dean went back to Julianna’s hotel room.

“Why did you tell SAM you didn’t want media presence and not me?” Dean asked, annoyed.

“I thought that’s what I was supposed to do,” Julianna told him “he’s Chief of Staff.”

“But I’m head of YOUR security. I’M the one in charge of YOUR safety, this is the kind of shit I need to know.” Dean told her.

“Are you mad at me?” She asked him, taken aback.

“When someone that isn’t me knows something that involves your safety before I do, yeah I would say that qualifies me to be mad.” He snapped at her.

“I’m sorry!” She shouted at him “I don’t know how this whole security things works! Ever since my Dad got elected, I’m having to answer a million questions and have my every move questioned and I hate it!”

They stared one another down and Dean’s expression softened

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to shout,” he told her “your safety is my number one priority and when my brother is telling me what I’m supposed to do to protect you, it threw me for a loop.”

She nodded and finished pinning her hair up. She wore a black and grey striped top, black pants and Converse shoes. Her hair was pinned into a proofed up ponytail along with her signature black eyeliner and red lipstick.

“Dean, can I ask your honest opinion?” She asked him.

“Sure.” He said

“Do I look okay?” She asked “I mean, for a president’s daughter?”

“Honestly?” He asked and she nodded “You look like a pinup girl and that’s not a bad thing.”

“Like Marilyn Monroe if she’d married JFK?” Julianna asked and he laughed.

“Probably, but better.” He said and his cheeks turned pink “Sorry, I’ll just wait outside for you.” He said and shut the door behind him. Her mouth curved into a smile as his comment sunk in. He thought she looked better than probably the biggest blonde bombshell of all time. She grabbed her purse as she blushed.

From then on, Dean always knew about what she was planning to do. Anytime her family stopped in a town, she always went to read to children. Her main platform was promoting literacy among children. Dean watched one day as she gave a passionate speech at a local school library one day.

“Without words we cannot communicate,” she had said “without the ability to read, how will we learn from our past mistakes and how to make our world better? That is why I want to issue a challenge to every child at Silver Springs Elementary and beyond. Nurture your mind the same way you nurture your body with a healthy diet. You’ll be surprised at what you can create.”

He watched as a smile crossed her face and she went on

“I’d like to tell you a story about a young lady that liked to write, just for fun and to tell stories to her mother and sisters. One day, she sat on a train and came up with the idea for a boy with glasses to go to wizard school. Today, we know that woman as J.K. Rowling and the boy she envisioned as Harry Potter. The only limit in your arsenal of written words is your imagination.”

The crowd clapped as she thanked the crowd and walked off stage toward Dean and the rest of her security detail. The rosy glow that illuminated her face was enough to entrance him.

“What’d you think?” She asked Dean as he walked her to her hotel room that night.

“You’re very passionate about reading and writing, why?” He asked and she had smiled.

“I’ll tell you my secret if you tell me yours.” She told him as they arrived at her door.

“What secret is that?” He asked

“About your military career.” She told him.

“Damn, I was hoping you’d forget about that,” he said and then added “pardon my French.”

She held up a hand

“Nothing worse than what I’ve said,” she told him “so care to tell me that story?”

“I’m gonna need alcohol before I tell that story.” He told her as they arrived at her door.

“Well, you’re in luck.” She told him “I can have room service bring it up.”

“You mean me?” He asked “Because I have to check everything you get sent.”

“Everything?” She asked and he nodded “Jesus, when do you sleep?”

“I get my four hours a night and I’m fine.” He said. She shook her head and rolled her eyes

“Fine, do what you must, but don’t keep me waiting.” She told him

“I would never.” He told her as they walked into her room.

She was surprisingly easy to talk to with all their formalities out of the way. Wearing her NYU hoodie and yoga pants with no makeup on, she was just as beautiful as when she was dolled up for the press.

“So you gathered information?” she asked, as she poured them another drink

“By whatever means necessary, yes, I did.” he told her, as he took the drink “Am I proud of what I did? I guess that depends on who you ask.”

“If I asked you?” she questioned and he shook his head as she sipped from her glass.

“The things I did to get the information I needed? No, I'm not proud of that.” he told her “The lives I saved because of that information? Yes, I am proud of that.”

“Did you ever think if those people had families? Children that were waiting for them?” She asked

He shook his head and knocked back the rest of his drink.

“No, I couldn't afford to. If I thought of them as more than a mean to an end, that made me weak. In my former line of work, I couldn't afford to appear weak.” he told her

“Why not?” she asked as she kept sipping.

“Weakness meant they could've found out anything about me. My family, my friends, anyone I had contact with and used it against me.” His green eyes were set, as he moved the glass from hand to hand “I basically had to turn off who I was; everything my parent taught me about being a good and decent person, I had to lock away while I tortured those people.”

She let out a breath and finished off the rest of her drink.

“You hate me, don't you?” he asked and she shook her head, rubbing her eyes.

“No, I couldn't hate you.” she told him “You're too good for me to hate. Do I agree with your methods? No.”

“But?” he asked “I'm sensing a “but” somewhere in there.”

“This is difficult for me to grapple with because of my background.” She told him “I mean, before my dad became president.”

“I'm intrigued,” he said “So you wanted to be a what before your Dad ran for president?” Dean asked as he poured them another whiskey.

“A human rights lawyer,” she told him as she took the glass “like Amal Clooney.”

He shrugged

“You’d be good at it, you could still do it.” He told her and she shook her head as she took another drink.

“Nah, my Mom said the family has to stick together while Dad’s in office. Looks better that way.” She told him.

“If you say so,” he told her “you’d do well at anything you try though. You’re really smart.”

She grinned

“Thank you.” She told him

“Truth or truth?” He asked her

“That’s redundant,” She told him “just ask me to tell the truth.”

“Okay, so tell me the truth,” he said “how had some little rich guy not come and swept you off your feet?”

She laughed

“Because they’re intimidated by me.” She told him “They’re not used to girls who speak their minds and who stand up for themselves. They want decoration and I’m not decoration.”

“You’re got enough to be decoration, just too smart for it.” He pointed out and immediately regretted it. She raised her eyebrows at him.

“You think so?” She asked

“Sorry, I overstepped.” He said and stood up. She followed after him, setting her drink down.

“Dean, please don’t leave.” She said as he walked to the door.

“I should,” He told her, not looking at her “I should walk out of this room and resign, go back home and live a life of mediocrity.”

“But?” She asked

He slowly turned back around, with his loosened tie, un-tucked shirt and light stubble on his face, he looked delicious. He set his drink aside and stood in front of her.

“But then I wouldn’t have the chance to do this.” He said and held her face in his hands as he kissed her, catching her off guard. He pulled back and she pulled him back in, kissing him again.

“No,” he said as they kept kissing “we can’t.”

“We shouldn’t.” She told him as she untied his tie, flinging it to the ground.

“I should go.” He told her as he unzipped her hoodie, peeling it off of her and leaving her in a thin tank top.

“Yeah, yeah you should.” She said as she unbuttoned his dress shirt and tugged it off of him. He picked her up, wrapping her legs around his waist and carrying her over to the bed. He got on top of her and kissed her hard. “Tell me you don’t want me,” he practically begged as he kissed her neck and collar bone “tell me to fuck off.”

She tugged in his hair, making him look her in the eye.

“No,” she told him “I’m not gonna do that.”

“I could get fired for this.” He told her

“I’ll tell them I seduced you.” She shot back

“I can’t even begin to think of the names they’d call you.” He told her, his fingers trailing over her cheek.

“I don’t care.” She told him “I wanted you the second I laid eyes on you. I didn’t think you wanted me.”

“How could I NOT want you?” He asked

“I thought you’d want someone like my sisters.” she told him

Julianna had two younger sisters; Alexis and Claire.

“Alexis is the tomboy. They all love her because she likes to hunt, golf and fish.” She said.

Alexis was a brat, she didn’t care to attend much of anything and would rather spend her time on a baseball diamond than anywhere else.

“Claire is basically Biker Barbie, if anything I figured you’d go for her.” Julianna told him.

With a snotty attitude and a chip on her shoulder; Claire wore black eyeliner and her hair in braids, she was a bigger brat that Alexis.

Dean shook his head

“No, they’re beautiful, don’t get me wrong, but they don’t compare to you.” He told her. “You carry yourself with this quiet confidence and you can command the attention of a room without trying. You’re sharp and witty and you speak with such passion about the things you care about. That, to me, is the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“You think I’m sexy?” She asked and he nodded

“Of course I do,” he said “who wouldn’t?”

She kissed him with renewed passion, locking her legs around his waist.

“I want you,” She told him as they kissed “fuck I want you so badly.”

She clawed at his belt and pants as he yanked her tank top off, leaving her topless. Her bare torso exposed to him, he kissed every inch he could get to, tasting the salty and sweet mix of her skin. He licked and sucked on her nipples, the pink, sensitive buds hardening in his mouth as she writhed under him.

“Dean, oh Dean!” She mewled

“What do you want me to do to you gorgeous?” He asked as he kissed down her belly and to the waistband of her yoga pants. “Your ass looks so fucking hot in these.”

“Mh, really?” She asked “Why don’t you pull those off and see what it looks like bare?”

He raised an eyebrow at her, but did as she commanded and realized she wasn’t wearing panties.

“You dirty, dirty girl.” He said as he spread her legs open, she was practically dripping with arousal. He looked up at her and she nodded, giving him permission. He picked up one leg and kissed from her ankle up to the apex of her thighs. He intentionally skipped where she wanted him most and kissed down to her other ankle.

“DEAN,” she hissed “don’t tease me.”

“Tell me what you want,” he said “and I’ll quit teasing.”

“Go down on me,” she told him “I want to know what that mouth can do.”

“Yes ma’am.” he said as he laid on his front, his head between her legs. He flattened his tongue and licked her from hole to clit, making her back arch. He placed his hands behind her knees and pushed her legs up. He licked the curve of her butt and the backs of her thighs. Surprising even herself, she cried out in passion.

“Ohhhhhhhhhh, that feels, FUCK!” She cried out.

He hushed her

“If anyone hears you, they’ll come to investigate,” he told her “you have to be quiet or I won’t get to finish you.”

She nodded and he went back to work, his tongue seeming to be able to find every spot between her legs that made her pant and bite her lip. He sat up a little, grabbing behind her knees and pulled her to the edge of the bed. He grabbed a pillow from the nearby chair, set it on the ground and placed his knees on it as he opened her legs again.

“Fuck, you taste amazing.” He told her as he dove back in. She sat up and realized what she was looking at. In the full length mirror, she saw the both of them. She looked strung out on passion and her hair was a mess, but the sight of her gorgeous head of security on his knees in front of her was intoxicating. She ran her fingers through his hair as he thrust his tongue into her, his mouth sealing over her pussy. She gripped his hair and rocked, his nose bumping her clit as he gripped her hips and moaned.

“Yes, like that.” He said as she rode his tongue.

“Fuck me Dean,” she begged him “god, please fuck me.”

Without a word, he stood and rid himself of the rest of his clothes. She had gotten glimpses of his “equipment”, his dress pants didn’t do much to disguise what he had, but the truth was far better than she expected. She reached out and gently ran her hand over his velvety length, the tip leaking pre-cum. She lapped her tongue over the tip and he nearly growled.

“Fuck Julie,” he said as he ran a hand through her hair. She took him into her mouth, bit by bit, adjusting to his length and girth, her hand compensated for what her mouth couldn’t take as she began to bob her head up and down him. He hissed and moaned as he held her hair and watched in the mirror.

Here he was, a guy from a small town in Kansas getting a blowjob from the President’s daughter.

It sounded like the plot to a cheap porn but he didn’t care.

“Fuck,” he moaned “you suck cock like a champ sweetheart.”

She hummed and he gripped her hair tighter and let her keep going. She was winding him tightly as she lightly twisted his skin and then started to fondle his balls.

“Fuck,” he hissed “oh fuck!” He yanked her off of him and said “I was enjoying that, but this is gonna be over a lot quicker than I want it to be if you keep going like that.”

She nodded and he helped her stand as he kissed her. He backed up until the backs of his knees hit the bed. Her wrapped his arms around her and sat down. She straddled him and took his length into her hand, guiding it to her waiting hole. She flicked him through her folds and moaned as he kissed her harder.

“You ready for me?” He asked and she nodded guiding him inside her. He thrust his hips up as she took him in, moaning. She quietly moaned his name over and over again in his ear as he grabbed two handfuls of her ass in his hands.

“Fuck,” he moaned as he kissed her “you have the firmest ass I’ve ever grabbed.”

She smirked and kissed him

“And you’ve got the biggest cock I’ve ever had,” she murmured in his ear as she bit the lobe “let me ride you.”

He pulled back as he fully sank into her and nodded as she moved her hips. The sound of her skin hitting his echoed in the room as she rode him slowly at first. She could feel every inch of him filling her nearly to the breaking point. He gripped her flesh hard, there would surely be bruises on her ass in the morning, but she didn’t care. All she cared about was them and being in that moment with him. He laid down, his back flat on the bed as she placed her hands on his chest.

“Mh, look at you riding me like a champ,” he commented “fuck, you’re so fucking sexy.”

She smirked and asked

“You like that? A girl taking charge over you?”

“No,” he said “a WOMAN.”

She bit her lip and slid her hands up and down her own body as he watched. She placed her fingertips on her clit and began to massage the engorged bundle of nerves.

“Fuck!” he moaned as he tried to push into her faster and she shook her head.

“No,” she moaned as she moved her fingers in a slow, torturous circle “I want us to take our time, I want to feel EVERYTHING.”

“Fuck, you’re so fucking sexy.” He told her as she moved and he drank in the sight on top of him. The girl he wanted, that seemed just out of his reach, was now playing with her clit while she rode his hard cock.

If this was a dream, he’d be royally pissed when we woke up.

“Dean,” she moaned “oh god Dean, you feel so good inside me.”

“That’s it,” he growled “use that filthy mouth.”

“You like watching me fuck you?” She asked “Playing with my clit on top of you?”

“God yes,” he groaned “taking what you want from me.”

“Sit up,” She commanded and he followed through, he watched as she glided her hands up her body and cupped both her breasts in her hands. “Mhhh, you wanna suck on these?” She asked him and he nodded

“Yes,” he choked out “yes ma’am, please? May I?”

“Such a-FUCK!-such a good boy. So polite.” She breathed as she kissed him “You may, you may suck on me.”

He captured her nipple in his mouth and sucked on it, his tongue flicking over the hardened bud while his other hand captured her other breast, his thumb flicking over the nipple, making her whine.

“Oh fuck, Dean! Dean, oh fuck!” She moaned “God, I’m gonna come. Fuck, I’m gonna come all over you!”

“Mh,” he moaned “Come for me baby, come all over me.”

She rode him hard, the sound of slapping skin getting louder as she dug her nails into his shoulders, screaming into his chest as she came. He bit into her shoulder and cried out as he let go deep inside her, finally stilling.

After their romp in the broom closet; they straightened themselves up and went back to the engagement she'd been dragged to. Dean watched as she navigated the flurry of people wanting to talk to her, asking which designer she was wearing and what lipstick she used. The black, winged eyeliner has become part of her style and the press pounced on it.

“The eyeliner and lipstick is by Wet N Wild,” she told the reporter “the eyeliner is H2O proof in black and the lipstick is Missy and Fierce in their Liquid Catsuit line.”

Dean smirked internally and said in her ear

“Time to go.”

She gave him a nod and said

“Thank ya'll, it's been a pleasure.” and shook the interviewer's hand.

The next night, they were allowed to go a little more casual; Julianna had ticket to see her favorite band, The Goo Goo Dolls, and wouldn't miss the performance for anything.

“I don't like this,” Dean told her as they walked into the venue “not at all.”

“Relax,” she told him “Secret Service was here beforehand and gave the all clear, don't you have any faith in your men?” she asked

“That's not what I'm worried about,” he said “drunken fools are more my concern.”

“Dean, can you do me a favor for tonight?” she asked and pulled him to the side, out of sight of the other concert goers as they filed into their seat “Please? I almost never ask you for anything but can you throw me a solid on this ONE request?”

“What?” he asked, his eyes searching around them

“Can you please, put the Secret Service on the back burner for ONE NIGHT?” she asked “Just this one? Please?”

“And do what?” he asked

She took his hands and placed them on her hips as she wrapped her arms around his neck

“Be my boyfriend?” she asked “We NEVER get to go out. Never get to be a couple. All I want is a night of normal. Just one, is all I ask for.”

He sighed

“But the risks.” he insisted and she kissed him

“We'll be fine.” she assured him “I know good and well off duty and undercover cops are here. We will be okay. Just be my boyfriend? Please? It would make me so happy.”

She gave him the sad puppy face and he laughed.

“Fine,” he relented “I cave, I'll do it. But just this one night.”

“Thank you.” she told him and kissed him.

Even though they were supposed to be a couple for the concert, Dean kept his protective guard up. He stood behind her, his arms wrapped around he shoulders, gently pushing away anyone that was too close for his liking. When The Goo Goo Dolls took the stage, Julianna swayed with the music in his arms as they both sang along to the songs they knew. Thunder cracked overhead and the sky opened up, raining down on the crowd just as the band was closing the show with their biggest hit, “Iris”.

“Come on, we gotta go.” Dean said in her ear as they both got drenched.

“No, please!” she begged as the song started and she looked at him “This is my favorite, we can leave after this. PLEASE just let me hear this song.”

He sighed, annoyed and nodded.

“This one more song and we're gone.” he told her and she nodded. His boots were soaked, his back ached and all he wanted to do was go the hell home, but hearing the familiar chords of the song brought him to a place in his mind that made him smile.

And I'd give up forever to touch you 'Cause I know that you feel me somehow You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be And I don't want to go home right now

He held her through the song, singing the words in her ear as they swayed. She tightened her grip on his arms and closed her eyes. It was perfectly imperfect and that was what she loved about it and him. As the song ended, she turned to face him, rain rolling down her face

“When everything's made to be broken,” she sang back to him “I just want you to know who I am.”

They kissed as a loud clap of thunder sounded over their heads and he whisked her away as soon as the kiss ended.

The next day Julianna awoke and joined her parents and sisters in the dining room for breakfast where someone immediately poured her a cup of coffee. She thanked them and her Dad asked

“Have fun at the concert last night?” his tone seemingly off from his usual, neutral one.

A woman stood next to Julianna, waiting to take her breakfast order and Julianna looked up at her.

“Can I have eggs? Scrambled with some cheese, and turkey bacon please?” Julianna asked and the woman nodded as left. “I mean yeah,” Julianna said as she added cream and sugar to her coffee “I mean, it was the Goo Goo Dolls. Not Rage Against The Machine, but yeah they put on a good show.”

“You. Were. Seen!” her father said and stood up.

“Dad, I'm a little hung over, so if you could arrive at a point, that would be GREAT.” Julianna told him as Alexis and Claire giggled into their plates.”

“OUT!” her Dad yelled “OUT! EVERYONE OUT!”

The dining room cleared and her Dad threw the newspaper at her. She took a sip of her coffee and turned it over. The picture glaring back at her was of her and Dean making out at the concert and the headline read

“SECRET SERVICE TOO CLOSE?”

“Care to explain this?” her Dad asked, furious.

Julianna looked down at the paper, at her Dad and down at the paper again.

“Oh fuck.” she mumbled.  

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

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