#I am trying not to be too hard on myself but it does make me sad when I can't update DIDL for long periods.

[vickyvicarious]

It is strange that as yet I have not seen the Count eat or drink. He must be a very peculiar man!

I'm coming in on Jonathan's defense for this line. It's one that's been joked about a lot - and that's fair, it's a laughable understatement. But, to be honest... I think that might be exactly how Jonathan is using it here. In other places he does understate things, but it's typically trying to downplay his own distress, rather than be in outright denial. He's making a bleak sort of joke here, because 'peculiar' isn't enough to describe Dracula, and 'man' is maybe too much.

I don't think he's fully committed to thinking Dracula is a creature of the night, don't get me wrong. But he's amassing lots and lots of suspicions. Look at how he starts this entry:

If there were any one to talk to I could bear it, but there is no one. I have only the Count to speak with, and he!—I fear I am myself the only living soul within the place.

That's not the very first line, but it's pretty close. He admits that maybe it's his mind playing tricks, the nocturnal schedule messing with him, but he really doesn't think so. He scoffs at the idea of talking to Dracula, something which just yesterday he initially took comfort in doing. But the situation has changed now: not only is Dracula untrustworthy, but he might not even be a living soul. And I didn't include it in this quote, but immediately after making such a claim, he reminds himself to focus on the facts, and then proceeds to start relaying them. He provides justification for considering him something other than human with the account of Dracula not showing up in the mirror, but even then it's not solid enough yet to commit to calling him some specific creature. He provides justification for Dracula being untrustworthy with the locked doors. (Obviously the attack as well, but the doors are hard evidence that would stand even if all the supernatural-seeming stuff were truly just tricks of the mind. Also, easily confirmed again because the proof hasn't been flung out a window.)

Jonathan lingered on describing the coachman and Dracula both the other day, and also noted odd instances about the 'invisible service', so to speak, but didn't outright lay out all his suspicions. He doesn't want to get carried away speculating, he wants to stick to fact or at least well-founded suppositions with supporting evidence. So I think between that deliberate effort to be factual both for the sake of his own sanity, and to maintain as much calm as he can, we can read between the lines to find some of those fears/suspicions he doesn't dare speak. Just because he hasn't written it down doesn't mean he's not aware of the possibility.

He's not being dumb here, just... precise. And probably a bit sarcastic.

[bigfatbimbo]

ellie. ellie oh my god. i forgot u wrote for arcane and now im absolutely TWEAKING trying to restrain myself from absolutely spamming ur inbox but. oh m y g o d. this is like the best news ever bc i like JUST watched arcane and im like 3/4 through. ANYWAYS onto me yapping !!!! most of this is ab sevika bc.... hehehdhdhddhehshshsshsheh pls shes so fine

ok smutty yapping first

ALRIGHT STARTING OFF STRONG but soft domminh sevika. she does NOT seem like the type of person to relinquish control easily, however i feel like with the right persuasion she would let her guard down and let you treat her nice. she seems to be pretty prideful and self assertive, even a bit aggressive, so i genuinely think she'd LOVE to be pampered and overstimulated. sevika would be PISSED if u tried to edge her or mock her during sex but once she's overstimulated enough and if she trusts you enogh??? urgrhhrrggr i just feel like she'd get so bossy and bratty. she'd complain that you're going to slow when you're eating her out and would taunt u SO MUCH about how pathetic it was that you were worshipping her... she def needs some tough love

REVERSE SIZE KINK W SEVIKA. I GENUINELY CANNOT GET THIS THOUGHT OUT OF MY MIND I AM LITERALLY 5,2 AND SHE COULD SPLIT ME IN HALF BUT SHED ABSOLUTELY GET OFF TO SOMEONE MUCH PHYSICALLY WEAKER THAN HER BEING DONINANT AND TAKING CONTROL. she would NOT admit it tho

anyways!!!! onto other ppl!!!!!

vi has a voice kink and would absolutely neeeeed to hear you, especially when she's cumming. she lovessss when you talk her through her orgasm, and even though she acts tough, she loves being praised and treated gently :((((

i also think she would be really into praising you, even when she's subbing she would always be telling you juussst how good your making her feel

viktor is a hardcore sub i said what i said this man could not dom if his life depended on it he is the male version of a pillow princess who needs to be taken care of i will die on this hill

he has the raspiest, whiniest moans too i just KNOW IT. viktor also melts w praise and i think he's the type to fall into subspace VERY easily and be super pliant towards whatever you're up to. like he genuinely just melts in your hands like putty snd will pout if you stop touching him its lowkey adorable

ok i need to stop

fluffy yapping!!!!

JAYCE IS A WONDERFUL HUGGER I JUST KNOW IT. IDK HOW BUT I DO. he gives the softest, mosy welcoming hugs and he always rubs your back if hes hugging you :(((

jinx gives great song recommendations and is v thoughtful when it comes to music. she would def make playlists for her partner and excitedly show them off, explaining why she picked each song and its importance

jinx is the type to NOT be very clingy our touchy at all before she gets to know someone and is very touch disgusted at first, however once she trusts you she's the clingiest person EVER and her fav form of affection/pda is sitting in your lap or holding ur hand!!! speaking of, she swings her arm when she's holding hands w u side by side and its v cute (ooc? idk her sorry)

MEL IS A MORNING PERSON AND WOULD ABSOLUTELY MAKE HER PARTNER BREAKFAST IN THE MORNING!!! if ur also a morning person she would love to have a routine w you, and would always ask for "help" getting ready and getting dressed so she can make eye contact w u in the mirror while you fasten her necklaces and jewelry. if you aren't a morning person, she always kisses you before she leaves the house and leaves you breakfast with a note on the counter. sometimes she'll make u lunch too, and always cuts fruit into intricate shapes for you (she would pass the orange peel test)

ok ofc i have to say sum ab sevika (the loml) but URGRHRHRH she would be such a good listener i just know it and she'd give painfully honest and brutal yet GOOD advice. i also think she's v protective of her partner, but knows thei can handle themselves so she steps back, but if anyone gave them a hard time they'd suffer lmao 💀

ANWHAYSSSSS HOPE U ENJOYED MY MINDLESS YAPPING/HCS AND INSANITY‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

GODHSHAHHSHSHUSHSHD GOD JDJDHSHHS IM LITERALLY FUFCKING OH MY GOD. I literally love Arcane so much this makes me infinitely happy. I know my arcane related posts never get as many likes but… shut the fuck up.

OH MY GODDDDD SEVIKA!!!?????

absolutely tweaking out at the idea of her being a sub.

Like oh my god you’re so right, she’d be so bossy. She would egg you on so hard, like “Is that the best you can do?” “I can take more of that, you know.” “Are you always this slow?”

But she’d struggle to keep up her complaints when your fingers work faster in her and you hit her at just the right spot.

Reassuring her thats it’s okay to let her guard down???? She’s biting back moans and trying to keep her cool.

AHHSJSHS THE REVERSE SIZE KINK??!!?!? Absolutely. Like letting you push her onto the bed as if she would have even budged if she didn’t trust you enough.

OH AND VI AND A VOICE KINK? She needs to know you’re there, like fully. She didn’t have anyone in prison, and just reassuring her that you’re with her and it’s alright because she’s doing so good.

And she’s definitely praising in the bedroom, too or bottom. She’ll tell you she likes what your doing, and how good you are at it, if she’s domming or not.

VIKTOR IS A SUB. THAT MAN IS A SUB. Like fully not lifting a finger in bed just taking what you give him while whining and moaning for more.

AND THE FLUFF IFMFJJDHDBE

Jayce is absolutely a great hugger like he is THE MAN. He’s literally such a teddy bear when you need a hug, just bury yourself in his arms.

Jinx would be soooooooo clingy in a relationship too with someone she trusts. Like she’s the type to just randomly sit on your lap too if you’re not giving her enough attention. And she’d be all over you 24/7, very touchy.

Always on your arm or leaning on your shoulder or playing with your hair or tracing up and down your arms.

If she trusts you enough, she’d literally need you too sleep at night, too.

(She’s my favorite by the way)

And SO IS MEL!! AN UNDERRATED FAV!!!!!!

She’d be such a morning person, it’d almost be annoying at how coherent she is in the earliest parts of day.

But then you smell delicious breakfast wafting down and you’d be very grateful. She makes your favorite every once in a while, seriously pampering you omg.

Also yes, omf she’d absolutely ask you for help with getting ready and whatnot. Zipping up the back of her dress for her, clasping her necklace, maybe planting a kiss there too.

Overall princess treatment for her because she is a QUEEN.

Ending things with Sevika my baby girl because YOUR SO RIGHT. her listening skills would be off the charts. Like imagine sitting on her lap and playing with her hair while yapping about your day.

She’s all ears. In fact she’s so quiet and concentrated that you wonder if she’s even listening. But she chimes in with a brutally honest remark every now and again.

[mama-vaggie]

Hi! Please feel free to ignore this, I am not trying to hate at all! Just curious!/gen Why do you tak care of Rhea but not other vent littles?/lh /gen /curious I know your mental health isn't the best, so I now that could be reason, I just thought that if it was, you would take a step back form Rhea too. Again no hate what so ever!/gen sending lots of love Sorry if this came off as rude or offensive!/gen

Dear Anon

I am Mod E, I dont normally answer asks in anyway on Vaggie's blog. Im just here to monitor the inbox, make special announcements, and block problematic blogs, however, Mod Ocean (aka Vaggie) and I agreed that its probably best that I handle your ask in particular in order to allow you to help you get a better understanding of what actually is going on here.

We know you meant nothing offensive in your ask and that you are genuinely concerned about Mod Ocean and her mental health. However 'stepping back' from Rhea is not possible. This is because Mod Ocean and Rhea are the same person. 

Now its a little hard for me to explain. Im going to be using terms generally used by systems (I myself am part of a system) but I want to make it ABUNDANTLY CLEAR:

MOD OCEAN DOES NOT HAVE DID AND IS NOT A SYSTEM NOR IS SHE CLAIMING TO BE A SYSTEM!

IT IS JUST EASIER FOR MYSELF (MOD E, A MEDICALLY RECOGNIZED SYSTEM) TO EXPLAIN THIS USING SYSTEM TERMINOLOGIES!

Mod Ocean has a diagnosis of BPD. One of the effects of BPD is (quote taken from the NHS website) "disturbed patterns of thinking or perception – "cognitive distortions" or "perceptual distortions" " I personally dont like the use of the term 'disturbed' here but that is straight from this website: https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/symptoms/

There isnt a lot of research into BPD and how these distortions manifest in individuals but for Mod Ocean, it manifests in almost alter-like personalities that have taken on an appearance and have histories all their own. They tend to 'come to front' to help Mod Ocean process the extreme emotional disregulation that comes with BPD.

Mod Ocean is my best friend, she has been a massive support in my own journey of discovering that im part of a system and encouraging me to speak to a therapist. Rhea is real. She has her own thoughts and feelings that can be hurt. I can always tell there is a massive difference when im talking to Ocean vs when Im talking to Rhea or Jadie vs when im talking to Vaggie. 

So your ask was sent with good intentions, yes. But you also sent it under an incorrect assumption. Vaggie cannot take a step back from Rhea. 

This is also part of the reason why Mod Ocean isnt always comfortable handling other vent regressors. They are always welcome to reach out to her, vent and cry and that but when they start getting violent/aggressive towards themselves or her is when she has to step back. 

I hope this makes sense and helps explain the situation a bit better. If you have any further questions please reach out to me on my blog @the-hellion-collective and ill answer any questions you may have to the best of my ability.

~Mod E 👾

[beebfreeb]

For the DIDLheads out there... I am still working on chapter 18 I've just been *waves hand around in a non-specific gesture* severe mental health problems. I've just finished a complicated illustration (which I cannot share in full) so here is a small preview of that! This car was the last asset drawn in MS Paint. All art after it will have been made in Aseprite.

In addition, I'm trying to whip up something silly for May but the keyword is trying. Might be late might not be. We will see.

[flowercrowngods]

i don't know how to be merely acquaintances when we used to be friends. or i think we used to be. i don't know how to yearn for a simple hello when you've been heaping your affection on me months ago, and i don't know how to talk to you when you won't say anything. when suddenly it's all about me. you know i have nothing to say, you know my brain is void of everything but horribleness and i cannot tell you about my day because i don't even know about my day. i cannot tell you about my day when i know you won't listen, when i know you'll apply your philosophy to my world and don't believe me when i say that everything is terrible. i don't know how to be the person you seem to think i am, or the person you want in your life. i don't know if you want anyone else in your life now that you're in love and sappy, found another recipient for your affections, leaving me empty and wounded and yearning.

you said you missed me. said it many times, while i was gone. now i'm back, have been back, and i wonder how you missed me, why you missed me, when you won't talk to me. i think you mistook missing for worrying. i think you mistook caring for a feeling of obligation. i think you like missing me more than talking to me.

and i think i can't breathe with how much that hurts

[chibishortdeath]

Hmmm I kinda want to make a side blog for RPG Maker game development related things to be able to talk to more experienced people in that community, but at the same time I both don’t really think I’d get much attention and don’t want to accidentally spoil my own game (^^ ; ).

I have a rough story, concept doodles, a tileset, some character sprites, an enemy that walks around but can’t initiate battle yet (if I even decide to have a battle system), a couple rooms with some events, and a functioning run button, but I’m still lost on how to do much else at the moment. Especially since this program has the ability for scripting, meaning I’ll probably have to learn and actually retain another coding language.

So, I’m not very far at all lol. Idk how well that’d go over on the established fandom website, but eh.

[braisedhoney]

i think a lot of the stuff you've made is already inherently beautiful and meaningful. you put time and effort (however small or large) into every line you've ever drawn and every word you've ever written. what you make is a product of millions of years of evolution and decades of personal experiences that have all culminated into that one moment where you sat down and decided to create. every little piece of time and work put into willing something into existence is so minimal and meaningless in the scale of the universe and because of that it is so so so large and sacred. i know that you're likely looking for a specific kind of beauty and a specific kind of meaning that you don't feel like you've achieved through the things you've already made. but i also know that there are dozens or hundreds or thousands of people out there that have been looking for their specific kind of beauty and their specific kind of meaning that found it through what you've made. the act of creation is beautiful in and of itself, regardless of the source or product. im glad to have seen your creations through this silly little app. hope you're having a good day!

;; anon... god this is sweet.

genuinely, i wasn't looking for compliments or anything like that, it wasn't a vent post. i was just expressing a bit of my frustration with the work i've been doing/have done. you did definitely nail it right on the head about looking for something though ^^;

i think most artists struggle with searching for a specific idea that they don't feel they've reached with their own work, or that they see in others. it's just part of the artistic process i think, which is both what makes it satisfying and what can be frustrating. double sided coins and all that — progression is great, but it does make the stagnation sting a little lol.

the fact that you sent this does mean a lot, seriously. it's exactly why i always make annoyingly long tag commentary paragraphs on art reblogs; because i want to point out every detail of every piece of art that i can. it's my way of communicating my appreciation for other artists and their hard work. (and hey, i like reading tags, i hope they do too.)

it's easy to get lost in things like comparisons without analyzing what it is you can do as an artist to improve and bring yourself closer to whatever it is you're looking for. but just because i may not be satisfied with it doesn't mean that invalidates the meaning or beauty someone else might have found in my art. i don't like invalidating other people's feelings, especially when it comes to stuff like media or music or generally harmless things that make them happy. at the end of the day i share my art here because i want people to enjoy it with me, and also to share in the brainrot. it's fun that way.

i appreciate this reminder of that, it's very kind <3 thank you.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[strwbrymlkshake]

I am trying so hard but it still isn't ENOUGH FOR YOU? DON'T YOU SEE HOW HARD I'VE BEEN TRYING?

[studiousbotanist]

[deityofhearts]

I just need to get better at remembering that I have so many wonderful friends who love me and want me in their lives who I also love and want in my life which is easier said than done because even with all the reassurance in the world it’s easy to think it’s not true or dwell on past failed relationships as like being indicative of my current ones

[vulpinesaint]

throws a book at the wall i'm SO fucking tired of putting emotional effort into relationships only for it not to be reciprocated

[babsaros]

How did you know you were gay?

ah, couple reasons i guess. some that only became obvious with like 15 years of hindsight, and only after pulling myself out of the deep dark pit of compulsory heterosexuality.

like. classic symptoms of lesbianism include shamefully staring at the floor when you pass the women's underwear racks in the department store, even though you're not quite sure why you're uncomfortable. that sort of thing.

i have memories from early elementary school of accidentally glimpsing down a girl's shirt at recess and then bottling up that feeling and refusing to think about it. any time i had a crush on a boy, it was from an extremely idealized and safely non-actionable distance. the one time i did have a boyfriend, it was just my guy best friend from middle school, we dated for barely a school year before i ended it and the most physical intimacy i was ever comfortable with was holding his hand when we walked to class. i went to a different school's prom because a guy i was kind-of friends with asked me, and spent the whole night uncomfortably avoiding eye contact.

basically i started questioning my sexuality towards the end of high school, when i noticed myself getting like. jealous about my guy best friend's girlfriends?? like. i wanted to date them. i wanted to steal them from him lmao. i thought girls were pretty and soft and nice and cute and i was too afraid of being a predatory creep to do anything about it besides have far-fetched daydreams, but there was no heterosexual explanation. like, i hugged a girl i thought was pretty one time and it did things to my brain. that memory got locked in for life.

i identified as ace/pan early on, but again- compulsory heterosexuality. the idea of being with a guy romantically or sexually was never actually appealing. i had just been told that was what i was supposed to want my entire life, and the movies do a great job of selling that fantasy. but really i was just a lonely depressed helpless romantic teenager that wanted to be loved lol.

a large part of why i identified as asexual was because i was so sex-repulsed by the idea of penetration, honestly? (which i have since gotten over, but specifically Only with girls. the idea of having sex with a man still icks me out, and my preference is definitely femme-presenting ppl) a bit of it was probably also because i hadn't unpacked gender yet either. it made it very difficult to actually imagine myself having sex with anyone ever lol. this is gonna sound so cringe to say, but reading gay smut did awaken things in me.

in conclusion, tldr, i just like to think about tits and kissing women sometimes, idk. thanks for coming to my tedtalk.

[hiratelier]

Many thoughts running through my head as I prepare to upload my last UTAU cover of the year because I'll barely touch the silly singing robot program next year when I have more exciting things to work on...but even then it feels like you're saying goodbye to a close friend you've been with for almost 9 years

[tortademaracuya]

love being reminded by the "bestie" that keeps being close friends with all the girls that treated me like shit about the other friend not from that group that also treated me like shit and tried to convince others to leave me

[murobrown]

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