#I barely talk to anyone from my hometown anymore

[chosok-amo]

YUMMMMM.ᐟ

suguru geto. your older stepbrother who turns your life upside down when the second he returns to your hometown, living near you again after all these years living in Tokyo. You used to have a crush on him when you were little. His tall figure, jet-black long hair, sharp purple eyes, muscle, and everything, he's perfect. When you hit puberty you sometimes wonder how it feels like to get fucked by him, and the day you turn 25, the wish suddenly comes true.

beware. OOC!Suguru Geto, stepbrother!Suguru, hair-pulling, anal, aged up Suguru, name-calling, dirty talk, suggestive convertation.

⠀⠀ ⠀My social life has taken a beating since my stepbrother, Suguru Geto, returned to town. Sure, when I was sixteen and he was nineteen and just heading off to college, it was totally cool to hang with him. Not that we had much in common, but still. Now, inching close to 25, it’s not nearly as fun anymore. After graduation, he moved off to Tokyo, while I stuck around Kyoto. And so, we haven’t exactly spent a lot of time together…for quite a while. But now, he’s back. For good, he says.

⠀⠀ ⠀And he’s totally cramping my style.

⠀⠀ ⠀Oh, don’t get me wrong. Suguru is one fine ass boy, no doubt. He’s big, over six feet tall, and built like a tank...all muscle, without an ounce of fat on him. Add in the pretty boy's smile, pale skin, shining bright purple eyes… and he’s the boy next door that my friends drool over whenever he interrupts our girls’ night out. Sadly, he’s also a stepbrother who doesn’t want his stepsister getting it on with anyone. Ever.

⠀⠀ ⠀He’s never said the words, but he seems to make damn sure he stands close to me in the clubs, hovering over me, watching me like a hawk. While my girls are off getting their freak on, I’m chatting it up with Suguru.

⠀⠀ ⠀Much like tonight.

⠀⠀ ⠀It’s my 25th birthday. Yup. Big. Two. Five.

⠀⠀ ⠀Maki and Nobara are on the dance floor, their boyfriends grinding against their asses while they move to the beat. And damn, their men are fine, all muscles and covered in smooth skin.

⠀⠀ ⠀That is what I need.

⠀⠀ ⠀“Y/n? Are you listening to me?”

⠀⠀ ⠀Suguru’s lips brush my ear and I fight against the shiver that races down my spine. I turn to him with a wide smile, bite back my irritation. He’s sweet. A very, very sweet temptation. I could gladly gorge myself on his brand of sugar, with hopefully, a hint of spice. And I don’t want a damn bit of nice. I turn my head to the side and yell so he can hear me. “Of course I’m listening. You were just saying that you were gonna get me another margarita.”

⠀⠀ ⠀I press a smacking kiss to his cheek, leaving a nice smear of lipstick behind. When I pull back to smile at him, he just rolls his eyes and screams back to me. “Last one.” I nod. Always the ever-dutiful, little stepsister. “I mean it!” He points a finger at me, scowl in place.

⠀⠀ ⠀Later, I’ll blame it on the alcohol. Now, I blame it on his hotness. I lean forward and swallow his finger, run my tongue along the digit suckle it, and slide along the length until he slips free of my mouth. I nip the tip, scrape my teeth over the pad, and then give it a chaste kiss before I lean back. “Thank you, Suguru.”

⠀⠀ ⠀He looks shell-shocked, eyes wide, mouth opening and closing like a fish. An adorable, totally fuckable, boy fish. He gives himself a full body shake and then rises from his stool, looking at me like I’ve got two fucking heads.

⠀⠀ ⠀I don’t.

⠀⠀ ⠀But he does.

⠀⠀ ⠀One upper and one lower… Yum. Lower.

⠀⠀ ⠀“Y/n!” A hand slaps my bare shoulder and I turn to find Maki and Nobara standing nearby, both wearing their “I’m totally about to ditch you so I can get freaky with my man” smiles. “Bitch” Straight up. “Both of y’all are bitch.”

⠀⠀ ⠀Maki leans forward first, pulling me into a hug. “Suguru can take you home, right?” I release her with a roll of my eyes and give Nobara a quick kiss on the cheek. “Yes, Suguru can take me home. Did I mention y’all were a bitch?”

⠀⠀ ⠀“You’re just a jealous bitch.”

⠀⠀ ⠀I raise my eyebrows. “And?”

⠀⠀ ⠀It’s the same old thing. They go home with their men and I go home with...no one. Except Suguru. Who I can’t have. I wave the two couples off and watch out for my brother, his ass weaving through the crowd toward me, my drink in his hand. Damn, we’d look so gorgeous together. I smile to myself only thinking about it.

⠀⠀ ⠀He slides onto the stool and sets my drink before me. The lovely, green light blinds me, I wrap my hand around the cool, sweating glass and bring it to my lips. Focusing on Suguru, I lap at the stand and, run my tongue along the rim a moment before I take a sip of the tart beverage. His attention’s all over me, eating me up with his eyes, mouth slightly parted, and staring at me like he’s a starving man…and I’m having dinner.

⠀⠀ ⠀Yum.

⠀⠀ ⠀Placing my drink on the table, I lean forward and brace myself with a hand on his thigh, squeeze the muscle that flexes beneath my palm before venturing farther north, then brush against his groin with my fingertips. “Y/n…” I hear the warning in his voice and I don’t care. I’ve wanted him for far too long. Worst-case scenario? He gets pissed, and stops tagging the fuck along. Score for me! ‘Cause that means he can’t rain on my “please dear God let me get laid” parade any longer. A large hand encircles my wrist, keeps me from moving. I stick out my lower lip and pout. “Suguru…”

⠀⠀ ⠀“You’re drunk.”

⠀⠀ ⠀I roll my eyes. “No, I’m not. I’m horny, I’ve been attracted to you for forever, and I want to get fucked for my birthday.” I yank free of his hold and snag my purse from the tabletop before sliding from the stool. A quick tug on my tight miniskirt puts things back where they belong, and then I focus again on my stepbrother. “Since it’s obvious you’re not up,” I flick a glance at his groin to make sure he gets the innuendo, “for the challenge, I’ll go home and take care of things myself. Or grab a man on my way out the door.” I step close to him. “Maybe this boy is too intimidated to give a sista a good time. Maybe there’s someone here who can give me what I need.”

⠀⠀ ⠀I spin on my heel and weave my way toward the door, surveying my options. Oh, I get plenty of looks. With my smooth skin, beautiful feature, and a curvaceous body to boot, I’m a catch for any man. I’ve got great tits, and also a big booty that men love to grab onto when they fuck me from behind.

⠀⠀ ⠀Hell, as horny as I am right now, I’d take just about any man who knows what to do with his cock—no matter how old or who he was. Then, I see a man that just may do, and drag one of my fingernails along his arm as I pass, give him a wink that has him turning toward me and stepping in my direction. Only to be brought up short by Suguru.

⠀⠀ ⠀Mother. Fucker.

⠀⠀ ⠀Okay, he’s not really. But I wouldn’t terribly mind him being a sister fucker right about now. I don’t hear what he says, but the guy I’d set my sights on returns to his friends while Suguru continues to come after me. I roll my eyes and get back on my way. In a handful of steps, I’m out of the stifling, cloying air of the club and into the cool night.

⠀⠀ ⠀A body presses into me from behind, a large erection grinding into my ass, and the scent I’d recognize anywhere surrounds me. “You’re a cock-tease, Y/n.” Hands appear on my hips, flex, and then tighten their grip while he rubs his dick along my crack. “Teasers get punished, even if she happens to be my sister. You’ve pushed me too far—and now you’re going to get what you’re asking for.” Suguru nuzzles my neck, teeth scrape my skin, and then his lips nibble my earlobe. “You ready for that? Ready for your brother to fill your pussy with his big cock? Pull your hair? Spank this beautiful, ass for being a bad girl?”

⠀⠀ ⠀I’m aching and hot and wet as fuck. Like cream will be sliding down my thighs at any moment wet. My nipples had hardened with the cool air, but now they’re rock-fucking-hard for an entirely different reason. I don’t want to answer him, afraid of him turning away, but I can’t keep quiet. “Yes.” I moan when one hand snakes around me, then slide down my stomach to rest right above my needy mound. “Fuck me. Yes, I’m ready.”

⠀⠀ ⠀“Oh, baby, I will.” He releases me for a split second and snags my hand, twines my fingers with his, and tugs me into the parking lot. “But no bitching when I mess up your hair.” My hair. Lord, how many arguments have we gotten into over my hair. He’s fascinated with all the different looks I’ve had over the years, getting it done just about every weekend. And he always has to play with it.

⠀⠀ ⠀No one touches a woman’s hair. We spend way too much time and money for someone to just fuck it up. At the car, I finally answer him, hand on his crotch, stroking his bulge. “Oh, Suguru, you fuck me right, and you can do anything you want.” I nibble his lower lip and then slide into his SUV, leaving him there to glare at me for a moment while he adjusts his hard cock. Then, he moves around the vehicle to settle behind the steering wheel.

⠀⠀ ⠀“Not another word, Y/n.”

⠀⠀ ⠀With a lick of my lips, I eye his cock, but remain quiet throughout the drive. Suguru navigates the streets of downtown Kyoto with ease, and it’s not long before we’re pulling up in front of his house, a sprawling, ranch-style home with more space than he could ever need. I wait while he climbs from the SUV and comes around to hold the door open for me. I keep my mouth shut, smile in place as I follow him up the walk. I watch the shift of his ass in his slacks and I just want to taste it, sink my teeth in, and take a bite out of his cute little butt.

⠀⠀ ⠀Yeah, I’ve got a bit of an ass fetish.

⠀⠀ ⠀Actually, I think it’s more of a “Suguru” fetish.

⠀⠀ ⠀A quick walk up the path and we’re inside within moments, the interior wrapping us in darkness. Then, Suguru’s wrapping me in him. The door closes with a soft click, and just like that, my back’s slammed against the solid wood surface, while my brother presses against me from the front. Before I can blink, he has my wrists pinned above my head, leaving me at his mercy.

⠀⠀ ⠀Fuck, I like being at his mercy.

⠀⠀ ⠀His face is right there, less than an inch from mine, lips merely a stretch away…and I ache to kiss him. Suguru flexes his hips, his cock growing harder with each passing second it’s pushed against me. I wiggle in response, pussy needy and hurting, begging to be filled. I know my panties are soaked, and soon, the cream will be coating my upper thighs, the thong not much protection against my arousal.

⠀⠀ ⠀“Suguru…” I want him. Damn, I want this man. Want him to fuck me, make me come, make me scream his name while he pulls my hair and pounds his big dick into me. My pussy, my ass, my mouth. His cock. Never had an older boy, but damn, it just adds a bit more of the forbidden to this, this thing between sister and brother. Then there’s the fact that my brother has me pinned…

⠀⠀ ⠀I’m hot, horny, needy and so fucking ready to come.

⠀⠀ ⠀He moans and closes the distance left between us, lips on mine, tongue delving into my mouth and sweeping through, tasting me like I’m tasting him. A hint of scotch explodes over my taste buds as I stroke and tease him, search out his natural flavor while I suck on his tongue, all the while showing him just how well I can treat him.

⠀⠀ ⠀Suguru rocks his hips against me, and I bring my leg up to go around his waist, dig my heel into his ass, open my thighs to him so he can rub precisely where I ache. He transfers his hold on my wrists to one hand, and then he’s gripping my knee, holding me in place, thick cock teasing my pussy.

⠀⠀ ⠀He breaks the kiss for a moment. “Wrap your legs around me.”

⠀⠀ ⠀“Oh, Suguru.” I do as he asks, ankles locked around his waist to hold them in place, then he releases my arms and knee to grip my ass with his large hands. “That’s it baby.” I’m being held up by his hands cupping my butt cheeks and the door against my back, with his bulge giving me the friction I need. My pussy’s clenching on air, my slutty cunt’s looking to be filled, more than ready for his big dick. Each flex of his hips sends another frisson of arousal down my spine. “Suguru. So good.”

⠀⠀ ⠀He kneads my ass, fingers flexing and squeezing. I want him in me, coming and making me come, filling me up with his hot load. “Like that? Like your brother rubbing your pussy with his dick? You always used to tease me, Y/n. Talk about how boys don’t know how to fuck a woman. You want it, don’t you? Want this fat cock.”

⠀⠀ ⠀“Yes, Suguru, I do. Please…” He presses harder and I gasp, roll my head against the cold surface of the door, so eager to get fucked by my brother. “Come on, sis. Let me give you what you need.” All at once, the security of the door leaves me and I’m clinging to Suguru like a scared child, arms around his shoulders and a scream in my throat. “I got you, Y/n. Not going to let anything happen to you.”

⠀⠀ ⠀I know what I am, and thin isn’t it. I’m thick. Real thick in a lot of places, and definitely not light. But Suguru’s carrying me like I weigh nothing. Feeling a little more secure, I turn my attention to keeping his motor running, licking and nibbling his neck, kissing just below his ear, and reveling in the moans that I get in return.

⠀⠀ ⠀Before I know it, I’m flying through the air, landing on his big bed with a bounce, a laugh on my lips, my need for him to fill me still unwavering. I’m staring at him, his broad shoulders, heaving chest, the huge bulge in his pants. I want it. Want to taste him. To suck him. “Next time, baby. You touch me and I’ll explode. I just want to eat that chocolate pussy until you scream, and then fuck you dry.”

⠀⠀ ⠀“Fuck, Suguru…” I whimper, squirming, rubbing my thighs together to try and alleviate some of the ache. He tears his shirt off, showing me all of his muscles, his six-pack abs, and those cute little lines at his hips. Now there, I wanna lick. Love those. Wanna nibble and see if they’re as big a turn-on for him as they are for me.

⠀⠀ ⠀His pants are next, practically torn from his body. Big bro’s gone commando, showing me his large, cock in an instant. Damn the boy’s hung. Long and thick and all for me. The head’s an angry red, like it’s dying to slam into me. Fuck yeah.

⠀⠀ ⠀I open my legs, tiny skirt sliding to my waist with ease while I show him my G-string clad pussy. I take one hand and slide a finger along the wet fabric, shudder at the pleasure that shoots through me. “What’re you waiting for then? Come eat my pussy.” Suguru kneels on the bed and moves between my legs, stroking that big dick while he watches me rub myself. “Fuck yeah, look at how wet you are. All that cream for me, baby? Are you wet for me?”

⠀⠀ ⠀He brushes my hand aside, mimics my moves, and touches me like I’ve wanted to be touched for so long. I lean back on my elbows and, drop my head back, fully enjoying his caresses and moaning each time he skims my clit. “Yes, all for you. Yours.” I’m panting, but I whimper when he pulls his hand away, then gasp when my G-string suddenly disappears with a quick tug on the fabric, leaving my cunt exposed to the cool air.

⠀⠀ ⠀“Look at all that cream.” He smiles at me before he shifts his position, bends down, and rubs his rough cheek against my inner thigh. “Smells so good. So hot for me. You want me to lick this pussy, Y/n? Want your brother to make you scream?”

⠀⠀ ⠀His heated breath fans over my wet lower lips. “Please… Eat me, Suguru. Then I want that fat cock to fuck me.” I watch while he slips his tongue out and laps at my slit, tip skating over my needy flesh, a moan forming deep in my chest.

⠀⠀ ⠀“You taste so sweet, baby.”

⠀⠀ ⠀He dives back in, separates my nether lips, fingers holding me open while he licks me from entrance to clit and back again. He circles my opening, teasing those sensitive nerves, leaving me panting. Suguru travels up to my exposed button, flick, flick, flicking the nub, shots of pleasure zipping through me, lightning singeing each of my nerve endings as my muscles spasm in response.

⠀⠀ ⠀I try to hold back, but I can’t. I drop my weight to the mattress and fist his hair, flex my fingers and dig my nails into his scalp. “Fuck yes, give it to me.” He moans against my heat and a finger slides into my pussy, stroking my walls a few times before he fills me with two. “That’s it. Fuck me with your fingers. Make me come.”

⠀⠀ ⠀Suguru sucks on my clit, digits stroking in time with the movements of his mouth, the squishing sounds of him moving in and out of me mingling nicely with my harsh breathing. He strokes that neglected place inside me, rubbing against my G-spot with every thrust and retreat. I move one of my hands from his head and tug my top aside to reveal my breasts. I pinch my chocolate brown nipple and pull on the hard nub. I rock my hips, move with him, whisper and whimper while he works over my spasming pussy.

⠀⠀ ⠀“Yes…there…please…lick that pussy.” He moans, sucks harder, shoves three fingers into my cunt, and a pinch of pain joins my pleasure. Ecstasy’s gathering, slithering through me, connecting all of the nerves in my body and forcing my muscles to twitch. My orgasm’s inching closer, growing bigger and bigger, gathering speed and intensity with each passing second.

⠀⠀ ⠀“That cunt taste good? You like licking your sister’s pussy?” Fuck. That nasty talk sends a tremor of pleasure down my spine, forcing my back to arch, a scream from my throat. This is my brother, Suguru… My new lover.

⠀⠀ ⠀He pulls his mouth away, but replaces his tongue with the thumb of his other hand, presses and circles my throbbing clit while he keeps pumping his digits in and out of me. “Come on my hand, baby. You taste so fucking good. Bet you’ll feel better when you let go. Come on my hand and I’ll give you my fat cock.”

⠀⠀ ⠀“Yes, yes, yes…”

⠀⠀ ⠀I’m so close, so damned close. It’s right there, within reach, and I want it more than my next breath. I release his hair completely and pinch the nipple on my other breast, add more pain to the pleasure.

⠀⠀ ⠀“Do it, Y/n. Gimme your cum.”

⠀⠀ ⠀“Fuckfuckfuck...”

⠀⠀ ⠀It’s on me now, filling me and sending me flying high, fireworks forming behind my eyelids while I scream Suguru’s name and come all of his fingers like he asked. I can’t breathe. Can’t think. I’m a ball of pure pleasure and I love every second of it, the bliss my brother has given me pours through my veins, sending me higher and higher with each thrust of his hand.

⠀⠀ ⠀Trembling, breathing heavy and urging him on, I gasp when he crawls up me, thrusts that thick dick into my sopping wet pussy, stretching me even more.

⠀⠀ ⠀“Suguru!”

⠀⠀ ⠀“Fuck yeah. Take your brother’s cock.” He pulls out and slams in again, jarring us both, sending the bed banging against the wall. “Take it all.” I arch and flex against him, meet his thrusts, wrap my arms around him and pull him closer to me. His dick hits even more of those hidden places in my cunt, the head of his prick stroking and teasing me.

⠀⠀ ⠀“Give it to me. Want it all.”

⠀⠀ ⠀He growls and pushes all the way into me, holds his hips against mine and grinds, tiny circles that press his pubic bone against my sensitive clit. “You’re such a dirty little slut. Getting fucked by your brother. Taking this cock.”

⠀⠀ ⠀“More!” I plant my heels on the mattress, try to buck and force him to move.

⠀⠀ ⠀He keeps up the small movements. “Beg me.”

⠀⠀ ⠀“Please. Please, Suguru, fuck me. Give me your big dick. Fuck me hard. Make me scream.” I’m breathless, needy and wanting and ready to do just about anything he asks. Suguru withdraws and then shoves forward again, my tits bouncing with the thrust, bed banging as a scream of pleasure gathers in my throat.

⠀⠀ ⠀It’s so good. My cunt’s still spasming and squeezing his cock with every entrance. Again and again he pushes into my tight, wet heat. I scratch his back, dig in my nails, love the way pleasure and pain dance across his features. He’s loving this as much as I am…and I revel in the fact I’m able to give this to him.

⠀⠀ ⠀“Harder. More.” I’m demanding, but I don’t care. I want this. Want him so badly.

⠀⠀ ⠀“Fucking slut, aren’t you?”

⠀⠀ ⠀“For you.” Only for him. Yeah, I’ve had plenty of sex, but I’ve never been this hot or this needy. “That’s right. This is my pussy.” He withdraws and shoves forward, pistoning like a fucking jackhammer.

⠀⠀ ⠀“Mine, mine, mine…”

⠀⠀ ⠀“Yes!”

⠀⠀ ⠀He’s pounding me hard. And the rhythmic slam, slam, slam of the bed makes me happy he lives in a house and not in an apartment. I meet each thrust, our skin slapping together, bodies colliding as pleasure rises with each passing moment. I’m so close to coming, shattering around him. My pussy’s milking him, orgasm approaching once again.

⠀⠀ ⠀“Gonna come, Suguru. Come on your dick.”

⠀⠀ ⠀“Do it. Come on, baby. Give it to your brother like the slut you are.”

⠀⠀ ⠀Fuckfuckfuck…

⠀⠀ ⠀‘Cause it’s there, pouring through me and slamming headlong into my pussy. I tighten my hold, back arched and yelling, but I’m not too sure what—‘cause the pleasure is simply…overwhelming. I’m sobbing, clawing, pulling him closer, but he keeps up his bruising thrusts, keeps drawing out the ecstasy…on and on and on. Dear god, help me.

⠀⠀ ⠀He growls and yanks my arms from around him, flips me over, and then fills me once again. I’m on my hands and knees before him, Suguru holding my hips with a bruising grip, yanking me back and forth over his dick. The slapping sounds from our bodies colliding echoes in the room, while his balls hitting my clit with each of his thrusts sends me flying high once again. It’s so good. So hot. So fucking unbelievable. One of his hands moves to my shoulder as the other grips and fists my hair.

⠀⠀ ⠀“Fuck yeah, Suguru. Give it to me hard.”

⠀⠀ ⠀Then it begins in earnest. Suguru yanks me against each of his thrusts, the sting of him tugging my hair working through me and joining in on the pleasure. My pussy’s creaming while more and more of my arousal slides down my thighs, coating the two of us. Sweat covers my back with Suguru’s mingling with mine. I love being this close to him. I’ve waited so fucking long for this.

⠀⠀ ⠀He keeps up the pace. More, I want so much more…

⠀⠀ ⠀I palm one of my breasts, tug on my nipple, moan and groan while he works me over, takes pleasure from my body, gives back just as much. “Like that? Take my fat dick, Y/n.” He’s breathing heavy, panting.

⠀⠀ ⠀“Such a sweet pussy.”

⠀⠀ ⠀“Yes…” I hiss, his grip tightening.

⠀⠀ ⠀“You’re gonna come one more time. One more, baby. And then I’m gonna fuck this sweet ass of yours.” My pussy tightens, anxious and ready. “Anyone taken your ass, baby? Fucked this dark hole? It wants me, wants me to shove my dick in there.”

⠀⠀ ⠀“No, no one.”

⠀⠀ ⠀He releases my hair, grabs one cheek, his thumb sliding along the crease. “Gonna take your cherry then, baby.”

⠀⠀ ⠀“Yes…” I want it, want my brother to take it. This is the hottest fuck I’ve ever had. It’s hard and rough and he’s my brother with a cock that doesn’t seem to quit. The hand on my ass moves to between my thighs, finds my throbbing clit, and he rubs the nub, quick and dirty like his fucking.

⠀⠀ ⠀“Fuck…yeah…gonna…” ‘Cause I am. I’m gonna come all over his cock, squeeze and milk him while pleasure takes over every inch of me. I scream and yell, claw the sheets while my veins spark and burn, fire dancing along every single nerve in my body. Muscles spasm and tighten, toes curl in my shoes. Hell no. I’m not letting this boy go anytime soon. Not if he fucks me this good. And I come again, third time’s the charm, absolute bliss exploding in each and every one of my cells while he keeps it up, continues to give me pleasure while wave after wave of ecstasy takes me higher.

⠀⠀ ⠀Fuck, it’s so good, so hot…scorching me from the inside out and back again.

⠀⠀ ⠀This time, Suguru lets me calm a little before he pulls out, hands on my ass, separating the cheeks and exposing me fully. I’ve never trusted anyone enough to let them in the “back door,” but this is Suguru…and I know he’d never do anything to hurt me.

⠀⠀ ⠀His fingers play over my aroused flesh, dip to my pussy, and then ghost over my asshole, teasing me, and I shiver at the contact, the strange sensation I feel. “Shh…nice and easy, baby. Reach into that drawer over there and grab the lube.” With a stretch, I do as he asks, snag the bottle of clear liquid, and then hold it out for him. I get a wink from Suguru before I turn back around, lower my chest to the mattress and just relax, take what he’s about to give me.

⠀⠀ ⠀“Such a pretty little asshole.” A cool finger teases the entrance and another shudder overtakes me. “It’s just begging for my cock, baby.” Then, that finger slides in easy, not a hint of pain, and the first stirrings of pleasure start throbbing in time with my heart.

⠀⠀ ⠀I moan and push back against the intrusion. It’s strange, but so good.

⠀⠀ ⠀“Want more, Y/n?”

⠀⠀ ⠀“Please…” I whimper. He gives me what I beg for, eases another finger into my asshole, and still, no pain—just unimaginable pleasure. He thrusts in and out of me, fingers scissoring and stretching my virgin hole, prepping me to take that fat cock of his. “Suguru…” I whine, ready for more.

⠀⠀ ⠀“Such a needy slut.” He doesn’t sound too upset by the idea, and gives me another finger. This time, I feel the pinch of pain and I gasp, then my body stills for a moment. “Easy, baby. Breathe through it. It’s gonna feel so good, just give it a minute.” He strokes my back, hand sliding along my spine while he gently slides in and out of my asshole, getting me ready to get fucked back there.

⠀⠀ ⠀And he’s right. I am needy. In moments, I’m panting again, just waiting for him to plow into me with his dick. “Suguru, give it to me. Fuck me. Fill me with your cum already.”

⠀⠀ ⠀“What a naughty girl.”

⠀⠀ ⠀Hearing the laugh in his voice, I look over my shoulder. “Only for you.” He just barks out another laugh, and then those sweet fingers disappear, only to be replaced with the head of his cock kissing my asshole. “Nice and easy, Y/n. Push out a little while I push in. Then, I promise you’re going to feel so good, baby.”

⠀⠀ ⠀I force myself to relax, put my trust in Suguru and do as he asks. Inch by stretching inch, I accept his dick, body parting for him, his cock stroking unknown nerves and pleasure points. He feeds me his prick. And as seconds slip away, before I know it, he’s thrusting into my asshole, spearing me with his hard shaft.

⠀⠀ ⠀Losing track of time, I refocus as his hips rest against mine, balls brushing my pussy. Suguru strokes my back, fingers dancing over my skin, touching and caressing me so tenderly. He teases my ass, fingers playing along my hole where he’s penetrating me.

⠀⠀ ⠀“You should see this. So sweet, so pretty. Your asshole’s just sucking me in and keeping me hot.” He pulls out a little and then eases back into me, yanking a gasp and moan from deep in my chest. “That’s it, baby, nice and easy.”

⠀⠀ ⠀He does it again, retreat and advance, breaks me apart. I’m so full, I think I’m gonna burst, blow up and burn in a fire that’s threatening to consume me.

⠀⠀ ⠀“Fuck, Suguru.”

⠀⠀ ⠀“Like that?” I can hear the smile in his voice.

⠀⠀ ⠀“Hell yeah. Do me harder, please..”

⠀⠀ ⠀“Shit, baby.” He groans, but listens, pulls out and pushes in with more force, gives and takes with increased passion. “Sweetest, tight little ass.”

⠀⠀ ⠀“Pound me with that big dick, brother. Show me what a good fuck you are.”

⠀⠀ ⠀“Such a slut.” There’s still no malice, just arousal tingeing his voice, and he gives me what I long for. It’s like the chains he’s had on himself melt away. Suguru withdraws and then shoves forward, hard enough for the bed to pick up its banging, his balls smacking my pussy and sending light tingles along my spine. The scent of our sex surrounds us, the musk filling the air, permeating our pores.

⠀⠀ ⠀On and on he goes, in and out, in and out, slap, slap, slap…

⠀⠀ ⠀I never knew. Never knew that anal sex could feel so good, so right, and make me come. It’s right there, close enough to reach out and grab. I’m full and stuffed and stretched, the pinch melding with the pleasure until I’m a glowing balloon of ecstasy, growing larger with every passing second. My breathing’s labored, even harder than before. I’m exhausted, fucked-tired, and just ready to come so I can pass the fuck out. Suguru can keep going for all I care, but I just need to rest for a minute.

⠀⠀ ⠀“You gonna come, baby? Your ass is begging for it, milking my dick.”

⠀⠀ ⠀“Mmm-hmm…” I can’t really talk. I can mumble a little, though. ‘Cause I want it, want him to paint me from the inside out. He slaps my ass, waking me up in an instant, sending a lightning bolt of pleasure through me. “Fuck me.”

⠀⠀ ⠀“That’s what I’m doing, baby.” He spanks me again, harder this time, the burn shoving my orgasm closer.

⠀⠀ ⠀“Suguru!”

⠀⠀ ⠀“Oh, yeah, you like that.” I can feel his smug attitude radiating from behind me, and he deserves every bit of those feelings because he’s right.

⠀⠀ ⠀Actually, he’s wrong. I don’t just like it—I fucking love it.

⠀⠀ ⠀Another smack, another jolt. Again and again, in time with his strokes, shoving in and yanking out of my asshole while he spanks my cheeks. I feel the heat and pain mingling in the pleasure his fucking’s creating, rolling together and creating a wave of undeniable ecstasy. It’s growing and growing larger by the second until I’m filled with it. Every nook and cranny inside my body is consumed by the sensation he’s creating.

⠀⠀ ⠀He fucks me harder, deeper, banging into me, our breathing growing heavier, mixing with the sounds of our bodies meeting and the bed hitting the wall with each of his powerful thrusts.

⠀⠀ ⠀“Come in me, Suguru. Do it. Fill me with your cum.” I moan and groan, gasp when he hits me once again. Shit. Right there, oh, yeah…that sends me over the edge, sends me flying high and screaming his name while my pussy and ass clamp down, milk and spasm. God, what I wouldn’t give to have my pussy filled at the same time. “Yes, god, yes…”

⠀⠀ ⠀“Fuck, Y/n. Baby…”

⠀⠀ ⠀He’s jerking against me, fingers digging into my hips, probably leaving bruises behind, but I don’t mind. His cock’s growing thicker inside me, jerking, and then the splash of his hot cum is hitting my inner walls, spurting inside me. He rocks with me, our bodies moving as one while more and more of his seed comes out of his dick and into me.

⠀⠀ ⠀Slowly, by moments, we calm, our breathing returning to normal, and then Suguru slumps to the side, bringing me with him, his cock still sheathed in my ass. He kisses the back of my neck, so tender and sweet. “Oh, baby. That was…”

⠀⠀ ⠀“Mmm-hmm.” I wiggle against him, his dick slowly softening inside me. I can still feel the stretch and heat of him, his cum dribbling from my hole.

⠀⠀ ⠀“Stay here, baby.” He eases from my back passage and I whimper, reach back for him, but he’s already gone. I watch while he pads naked to the bathroom and returns moments later with two washcloths. He reaches for me, but I hold out my hand. “Stop it. Let me take care of you.”

⠀⠀ ⠀He presses a quick kiss on my shoulder and nudges my hand away, taking care of cleaning me up, wiping away the evidence of his pleasure. Then, after he’s done with me, he does the same to himself.

⠀⠀ ⠀“Pain in my ass, Suguru,” I grumble, not really meaning it, but it’s what we do. We argue about how annoying we are to each other.

⠀⠀ ⠀“Only if you ask nicely,” he replies.

⠀⠀ ⠀I snort.

⠀⠀ ⠀“You were begging, and not too long ago.” He snuggles behind me, his cock nestling along the crack of my ass, arms draped over me. “I believe it was something along the lines of ‘give me your big dick. Fuck me hard. Make me scream.’ But I could be wrong.” I look over my shoulder and stick my tongue out at him. “You’re a asshole.” He raises a single brow. “That’s what you’ve got? ‘You’re a asshole?’”

⠀⠀ ⠀I narrow my eyes and glare at him.

⠀⠀ ⠀“It’s okay, baby, I’ll take that. I’ll also take you.”

⠀⠀ ⠀“What’re you talking about?”

⠀⠀ ⠀He scrapes his teeth along my shoulder, nibbles my skin. “I’m keeping you.”

⠀⠀ ⠀“You can’t keep me! I’m my own wo—”

⠀⠀ ⠀He silences me with a kiss. And it’s almost enough to make me lose my “mad.” Almost. “Hush. You are your own woman, but now, you’re also mine. Don’t worry. You can still hang out with your bitch. You just won’t be picking up men anymore. I’m your man now.”

⠀⠀ ⠀“What?” My mouth opens wide in surprise. “You did not just call my friends bitch!” I get another kiss, but this time, while he shifts me to my back and thrusts into my pussy again. His cock’s hard and thick, filling me, a shot of ecstasy spreading from my pussy.

⠀⠀ ⠀“I did. And I am your man.” He withdraws and eases forward, nice and gentle. “No one else is fucking this pussy. I’ve ruined you, haven’t I? Say it.” He pulls out, pushes back in. “Say it, baby.” He nibbles my lower lip, rains kisses along my jaw and tugs on my earlobe with his teeth. “Say it,” he whispers, licking the shell of my ear.

⠀⠀ ⠀“Fuck, Suguru. You’re my man.”

⠀⠀ ⠀“Your brother.”

⠀⠀ ⠀God, this is so slow and sweet… Feels so damn good I’m gonna come again. Come all over his cock. “My brother.”

⠀⠀ ⠀“Such a hot woman. My little sis. And I’m your brother.”

⠀⠀ ⠀He thrusts home, grinds his hips against me, rubbing my clit just right and yanking a scream from me. “My brother!”

⠀⠀ ⠀I throw my head back, arching and yelling, pleasure bursting through me as I find my release once again. It’s not as strong as before, but deeper, more meaningful. ‘Cause it’s my man, my big bro doing this for me, and not some quick fuck I’ve picked up. “That’s it, baby. Gonna come in this sweet pussy.” He’s breathing heavy again, increasing his pace a little, thrusting harder.

⠀⠀ ⠀“Come in my cunt, Suguru. Fill me up. Give it to me.” I claw his back, run my nails along his spine and dig my heels into his ass checks, pull him into me with more force.

⠀⠀ ⠀“Fuck. Baby…” Then he’s there, coming in me, dick swelling, jerking inside my heat, and spurt after spurt of his cum fills my pussy. He jerks—once, twice, three times before he slumps over me, body shaking, tremors traveling through him with every breath.

⠀⠀ ⠀I stroke his back, soothe him while he catches his breath.

⠀⠀ ⠀He really is a good man. And as long as he fucks me like this every day, I figure I can handle having him as mine.

⠀⠀ ⠀Happy Birthday to me.

[antiyourwokehomophobia2]

Extremely long vent under the cut

I am so fucking over everything. I feel like I just doubled back to my starting line. I feel like I played the game and failed fucking spectacularly. Like. Worst you could possibly do. The fact I'm back to being with my mom and being single makes me feel like an eighteen year old kid again. I feel like a loser and I genuinely want to die. I don't think texting the crisis text line two days in a row is a good sign. My entire life has fucking gone to shit and I'm genuinely so fucking over it.

All I've ever wanted out of life was to tell my silly lil stories and marry a woman who loves me as much as I love her but you can't have shit in this economy. This is genuinely fucking insane. I cannot BELIEVE what has happened to me. I genuinely never in a million years thought my life would ever look like this. Life threw me a curveball and knocked my teeth clean out. It's so fucked. I think I might actually kill myself, I'm genuinely so fucking over this. I tried to be strong and be resilient and all I'm alive for is to see my life fall completely the fuck apart. I want out. I'm done. I've never been a strong fighter or whatever the fuck. I cry at images of trees that have light shining in between the branches.

I'm not a soldier and never have been but I've been fighting anyway and I'm *tired*. I don't want to fight anymore. And for fucking what?? Some stupid dream of grandeur? A woman that will never come into my life? I've always loved people more than they loved me. I'm not going to find princess charming or whatever the fuck. It's not happening. Something is fucked within me. I'm too sensitive or too idealistic or fucking SOMETHING because holy fucking shit. I am so fucking done. For fucking real. I want out. I want to be gone. I wish guns weren't so expensive and people knew what happened after death because holy SHIT, I am so fucking over it. I cannot live like this. It's fucking over for me. I actually thing 23 is a perfect age to know if you want to kill yourself. I wanted to at eighteen but didn't, but Holy fucking crap I think I knew better then. I didn't do it because I wanted to see what would happen and fucking LOOK. This is what I stayed alive for?? Fucking THIS ????

And I can't fucking believe that when I asked my (now ex) gf of five years if she wanted to marry me, she fucking said "I THINK SO" girl, are you fucking fr right now. Five fucking years. I need you to be locked and fucking loaded. But whatever. I realized I wouldn't want to be with someone who placed me so low on the priority list. But whatever. Whatever. I feel like God stripped me of all my fucking stats. I'm gonna kill myself for real. I can't take this shit, y'all, I fucking can't. I can't believe I'm back in my hometown and I have to constantly watch my back because god fucking FORBID I run into anyone from high school and they see me and what I've become. I will actually kill myself on the spot, I can't handle that. And Jesus fucking CHRIST, I cannot fucking believe I'm living back with my mom. I fucking hate that woman and could go the rest of my life without ever talking to her again. Jesus fucking christ. And having to live with her stupid boyfriend. Fuck him. No he didn't do anything to me but I had a dad and don't need to be out here saying "my mom's boyfriend" how fucking cringe are you kidding me. I played the game and I failed SPECTACULARLY.

Holy fucking fuck, bro. I can't believe this shit. Seriously. Fucking seriously. You gotta be kidding. Youth really is wasted on the young because what do you mean I'll be 25 in 2 years and barely started anything. How incredibly fucking pathetic. Holy fuck. There are sixteen year old kids on Broadway and shit and I'm what? Struggling to get a degree because my dad died in my second year and it wrecked my progress?? It wrecked me so bad that my mom had me move back in for health reasons?? Are you fucking serious??? This is what my fucking life is right now? I can't fucking believe it. I'm gonna be policed constantly. I just know it. And I'll never feel comfortable in this house. And they didn't even bother to clean even though they fucking said they would. God, Jesus fucking christ y'all, I have zero hope. Optimist? Hopeful? Nope. Not me. Not any fucking more. This is it. I want to kill myself and I might actually do it because holy fucking shit WOW. This is insane. I did not stay alive at eighteen for this ridiculous shit. Unacceptable. Completely unacceptable. I have no hope anymore. I'm done. I'm so fucking done.

I fucking tried. Extremely hard. It wasn't good enough and I'm finished fr. I can't keep taking shit like this. I wasn't built for it fr. 5 years (18 to 23) feels like a long enough waiting period. I'm done.

[suddenlybambi]

as long as you stay here [1] ♥ kyle broflovski

pairing : kyle broflovski x reader

college AU - 18+

tags : strangers to friends to lovers, slow burn, fluff, angst, alcohol, afab reader, she/her pronouns, eventual smut

words : 1.9k

chapter 1

next | alaysh masterlist

main masterlist

a/n - okie dokie this is gonna be a longer one friends! i plan on updating twice a week (hopefully)

this chapter is kinda just the introduction so i'll probably post chapter 2 soon 🥰

let me know if you want to be on the taglist 💕🦜

Y/N and Bebe had been struggling to make rent after Wendy moved in with her boyfriend, Stan. It wasn’t that they weren’t friends and didn’t want to live together anymore; it was more the issue that Wendy and Stan didn’t get any privacy in the apartment. Plus, Y/N and Bebe were fed up with having to wait to use the only bathroom because the couple were in the shower together. Meanwhile, Stan’s roommate was apparently the sort of guy who just studied in his room all day, so they had plenty of privacy there.

That was when Bebe suggested that her boyfriend move in with them. According to her, they had broken up in high school but remained friends and had just resumed their relationship a month prior.

A lot of South Park students ended up in Denver for college and got apartments together. Wendy and Bebe needed a third roommate, and Y/N needed a place to live as she was the only one from her hometown to attend that college, so she didn’t know anyone. Things just worked out, and they moved in together, a friendship forming easily between the three.

Bebe’s boyfriend had supposedly missed the deadlines when it came to getting an apartment with roommates, so he was stuck with two guys he didn’t know or like. He jumped at the chance to move in with Bebe and Y/N when Wendy left.

Y/N hadn’t met him before but trusted Bebe’s judgement. At least, that was until she heard Bebe loudly moaning his name on the first night, and she realised that she did, in fact, know exactly who he was.

“Just because you think he’s-” Bebe started to protest to Y/N, but she was cut off.

“That’s where you’re wrong!” Y/N pointed at her as though she were catching her out in a lie. “I don’t think in general!”

“Can’t you just be happy for me?” Bebe pleaded, holding her hands up to cup each side of Y/N’s face, squishing her cheeks together a little. Y/N pulled Bebe’s hands away and held them.

“Babe, I’m your biggest supporter. I would be happy for you if you were dating a literal toad. But Clyde?” Y/N knew Clyde. She sat behind him in English Literature and constantly got distracted by the games that Clyde would play on his laptop instead of listening to the lecture. Particularly when the games were anime-girl dating simulators which featured a lot of boob action. She was guilty of playing them herself, that wasn’t the problem, but she didn’t play them in the middle of a lecture. It was hard to listen to her professor talk about how the mountains in Frankenstein portrayed Victor’s emotional state when the limits of jiggle physics in games were being tested right in front of her. “I mean, really, of all people, it had to be Clyde? Clyde?”

“What?” Clyde appeared in the doorway to Bebe’s bedroom, or rather, what was now their shared bedroom. Instantly, Y/N covered her eyes.

“Goddamn it! Put some clothes on!” She yelled, having seen far more of her classmate than she ever wanted to. 

“Oh shit!” Clyde looked down at his completely bare form and darted back into the room. Y/N only knew the coast was clear to lower her hand when she heard the door slam shut.

“Don’t give me that look!” Bebe sighed.

“My eyes are singed! I can’t give you any sort of look right now.”

“Give him a week?” Bebe asked, putting on her best puppy dog pleading expression. “Please? For me?”

“You’re so lucky you’re the hottest person I’ve ever met, and I would let you step on me repeatedly if that’s what you requested.” Y/N sighed, giving in instantly.

“Flirt with me all you want; it won’t make me dump him,” Bebe rolled her eyes playfully.

“One day, it’ll work!” Y/N shrugged. She had a habit of flirting with her friends for fun. It didn’t really mean anything. It was just a playful little joke. If someone wasn't comfortable with it, she would instantly stop, but it was so much fun when they played back.

“I gotta admit, you’ve come close before.” Bebe teased, throwing her a little wink.

“Come close to what?” Clyde emerged from their room again, now, fortunately, with some pants on. He was still shirtless, but he had attended lectures shirtless on multiple occasions despite being told he would be kicked out if it continued, so this was nothing new to her.

“Your girlfriend was just admitting that I’ve come close to seducing her,” Y/N proudly stated. “So if you don’t treat her right, I will.”

“She means that,” Bebe added with a nod.

“Wait-” Cogs started turning in Clyde’s brain. “Are you the one that almost split Stan and Wendy up when he wasn’t treating her right?” Y/N nodded, though the whole situation had been blown a little out of proportion when the information was passed around like a bad game of telephone.

Y/N hadn’t intentionally tried to break them up. She hadn’t even really flirted with Wendy in that way. Stan kept on bailing on dates, but Wendy would always forgive him. Y/N simply took her on a date when Stan bailed and showed Wendy how she deserved to be treated. She took her out for a nice meal, they went on a walk, they went to the theatre, and Y/N walked Wendy to her door at the end, which, since they lived in the same apartment at the time, was right across the hall from hers. She even gave her a little kiss on the cheek as they parted ways.

It succeeded in giving the couple the wake-up call they needed to get their relationship back on track. Stan needed to show his girlfriend that he actually loved her and treat her better, and Wendy had to be reminded that she was deserving of love and better treatment.

“They call me the homewrecker,” Y/N shrugged, deciding it was best not to elaborate on the whole situation with Wendy and Stan to Clyde so she could use the same technique if he dared to treat Bebe poorly. “And not just because I’m terrible at DIY.”

“Oh! That reminds me!” Bebe pointed over to their small kitchen unit. The living room and kitchen were smooshed together, and both looked pretty pathetic, but it was livable. “Don’t touch anything under the kitchen sink. It is duct-taped together and holding on for dear life because someone is too stubborn to admit she can’t fix it.”

“Oh, no, I freely admit I can’t fix it!” Y/N held her hands up in surrender. “I just refuse to pay that asshole plumber to fix it.”

“After what you did to him, I don’t think he could be paid any amount of money to come anywhere near our building to fix it,” Bebe mumbled. “And he was the only one we could afford.” 

“Look, it’s not leaking currently, so the duct tape is working. Just… don’t breathe on it,” Y/N instructed Clyde. “Or look in its general direction or even think about it because it really is as fragile as my ego.”

“This is the most I’ve heard you talk,” Clyde suddenly pointed out. “You’re so quiet in class.”

“HA!” Bebe let out a loud snort of laughter, pointing at Y/N. “This one? Quiet?”

“When there is no one worth talking to, I don’t see the need to waste my breath,” Y/N explained.

“I’m in that class?” Clyde seemed confused and a little hurt.

“My point exactly,” She mumbled, looking down at the ground.

“You’re talking to me now,” He pointed out, now seeming smug. In response, Y/N turned around and wordlessly walked past him to get to her room, closing the door behind her without so much as looking back at him.

“Give her time,” Bebe assured Clyde, placing a hand on his arm encouragingly as he watched the door close. “She’ll warm up to you.”

“Did it take her a while with you and Wendy?” Clyde asked, turning back to face his girlfriend.

“Noooo! We were instant BFFs! She started talking to us and hasn’t stopped since. I don’t think she slept for three days when we first met because she was so excited to make friends,” Bebe laughed but stopped when she saw that Clyde looked genuinely dejected over the fact that he hadn’t hit it off with his new flatmate. “Just… buy her a drink or something while we’re out, and you’ll be in her good books.”

“She’s coming out with us tonight?”

“Of course! She’s our friend!” 

“I thought it would just be the South Park group?”

“If Kenny and Tolkien can bring their girlfriends, we can bring Y/N.” 

“I’m not going,” Y/N suddenly spoke up from behind Clyde.

“What the fuck?!” Clyde spun around, clutching his chest as though he were having a heart attack. He hadn’t heard her open her door or walk back up to them. “How did you do that?”

“Sorry, I should have warned you about that,” Bebe winced as she watched her boyfriend try to catch his breath again. “You’ll get used to it.”

“Are you a vampire or something?” Clyde questioned Y/N. She could tell he was completely being serious. “You have to tell us if you are, right? Like undercover cops?”

“Yes, Clyde, obviously I am a vampire,” Y/N nodded, her voice oozing sarcasm. “I am an immortal being who decided that she wanted to spend her eternity going to college and living in an apartment where everything is broken. Now you know my secret I have to kill you.”

“She’s a dancer, so she’s light on her feet,” Bebe explained, ignoring Y/N. “You’ll never hear her coming.”

“Unlike your mom,” Y/N couldn’t stop herself from making the joke. It may have been childish and in poor taste, but she had to. Bebe ignored it, and Clyde didn’t understand, still caught up on everything else.

“A dancing vampire?” He asked. Y/N couldn’t help but snort in laughter at how serious Clyde looked.

“This is your man?” She questioned Bebe, pointing at Clyde.

“Yes!” Bebe groaned, feeling a little secondhand embarrassment from her boyfriend. “You are coming tonight.” 

“So is your mo-” Y/N started to repeat the crappy joke, but Bebe’s glare silenced her. “I’m not going.”

“See! She doesn’t want to!” Clyde insisted. “She’s not going!”

“Wait, do you not want me to go?” Y/N asked Clyde, who hesitantly nodded in confirmation. “Oh! Well, in that case, I’m definitely going.” Clyde deflated at the realisation that she was going purely to annoy him.

“Yay! Come on, let's find you the perfect dress!” Bebe grabbed Y/N’s arm, dragging her to her bedroom.

“Wait, why are we going to your room?” Y/N questioned, trying to wiggle away. Bebe could be quite strong when she wanted to be, and her grip on her arm was like a vice. “I have my own dresses.”

“Not the right sort! This is a nightclub, not a barbecue at your grandparents’ house.”

“I’ve always felt my style was more ‘I’d rather be at the ren fair’ than family barbecue, but you’re the one studying fashion, so what do I know?”

“I say this with love… You know nothing.” Bebe shook her head in pity at Y/N. “Now let’s get you in a dress that shows off your cute ass.”

[ladylooch]

Uhhh. Seeing all this jealous asks and angst ones.

What about jealous miles or you ?

-👢

A/N: Hello, hello! Thank you for your patience while I got lost in the Meiers :) I am going to use this to start talking more about Kailey and Miles. I hope you don't mind! So here they are... the next AU, Shot In the Dark 😘

Miles Wood is the life of the party tonight.

One of his college teammates married his college sweetheart and the BC boys have shown up the way they always do- loud, slamming shots, and dancing their thick asses off.

The last few days have been filled with meeting new people and hearing all about Miles in college. If I thought he was wild now, apparently I haven’t seen anything yet. There was the time he passed out drunk on the front lawn. The time he was the reigning beer pong champ on campus for both of his years. And of course, the way he could look at a girl and get her panties to drop. Miles had steered that conversation away quickly, joking that those days are far behind him. Cause he’s got me. 

But from my view of the dance floor, some habits are harder to drop than he may realize.

“Ahh Woody is on his shit tonight.” A drunk, Colin White tells me as he tosses an arm around my shoulder. “He always gets wild with the girls to this song.” The song is “Just a Lil Bit” by 50 cent. Miles is in the center of the dance floor, shirt blown wide open, tie around his head as he shakes his ass in the middle of a bunch of blondes. “Don’t worry. He’s obsessed with you.” Colin drawls after another sip of whiskey. 

“And yet we haven’t talked since dinner.” I snort. My tone sounds bitter, even to me. Jealous too as we both seemingly forget we had one another in the abandoned coat check room during cocktail hour. 

“Go get your man then!” Colin jokes, nudging me forward.

“I’m not chasing someone I came here with. Tell him I headed back to the hotel?”

“Uh…” Colin’s dopey, buzzed grin falls off his face. “Wait…”

I don’t. Instead I start making my break towards the exit. 

“Baby!” I hear behind me as I push open the doors to the main entrance. The key to Miles’ Range Rover is tucked in my purse. I’m long sober. We had agreed I would stay sober tonight so he could enjoy. But that was before he paraded blondes in front of me, twirling them around and inserting his infectious giggle after every sentence from of their mouthes. 

“Kailey!” My heels keep stabbing the concrete. I don't turn or slow down for him. Unfortunately, we got here late and parked in the way back. 

“Kails, stop.” Miles calls again from behind me. His tone causes my steps to slow. He’s turned gentle and soft. I look over my shoulder at him. He hustles closer, hands stuffed in his pockets. “Where ya going?”

“Back to the hotel. You don’t seem to need me here anymore.” Miles gives a light, laughing scoff. 

“What?”

“Don’t do that.” I wave my hand at him. 

“Babe, I asked you to come on the dance floor with me.”

“There was no room.” I snap. “Too many blondes who’s panties were falling.” 

“Oh.” Miles catches on, chuckling. “Baby, are you jealous?” He is laughing incredulously like he can’t believe it. This has never happened between us. Not with the women wearing his jerseys at games or their pleas to hook up on social media. Never. It usually doesn’t bother me. He’s a smoke show, but he’s mine. And that is usually enough. 

Not tonight, in his hometown, where I’m the outsider in his world. 

“Baby. You…” he fades off with another laugh. “Have nothing to worry about.” I stay where I am, but cross my arms over my chest at the cool breeze slapping my bare skin. “What you are to me means you never have to worry about anyone, ever.” He pulls his suit jacket off while walking towards me. The silky lining makes me shiver when he drapes it along my bare shoulders. He closes the lapels together into his fist, then tugs me forward with the fabric. I brace my hands on his abdomen as we crash together. “Kiss me, jealous girl.”

But his lips lock to mine before I can contemplate his request. I wrap my arms around his big shoulders, letting him guide my hips back and back and back until I am laying down on the hood of someone’s car. Miles falls over me, shoving his tongue into my mouth. When we need air, he pulls away, looking at me breathless, brown hair splayed along the dark car, green eyes wild with desire for him. 

“All mine.” He murmurs, stroking a finger down the valley between my breasts. I reach for the bulge in his pants. “All yours.” He reminds me. “This too.” He places his hand over his heart. “Always yours. I’m sorry.” He finishes as he puts his hands on either side of my head. I tug at one side of his open dress shirt, pulling him back down to my lips. “The rest of the night you’re the center of my attention. Wanna see your ass moving on the dance floor.”

“There? Or in our hotel room.” Miles kisses down my jaw to my collar bone. He continues down to the edge of my dress on my left breast. He bites the skin there.

“Maybe the car? As you’re riding me…” He trails off, moving lower. He uses one finger to plunge the fabric down to expose my hard nipple. He sucks it into his mouth as I clutch his curls with my fingers. 

“Car sounds good.” I choke out. He laughs against my skin. He pulls me into his arms, carrying me down to his Range Rover, teasing me with his stiffness with each long stride towards the black car.

[richincolor]

Interview with Olivia Abtahi

Olivia Abtahi, author of contemporary novels Perfectly Parvin and Azar on Fire, just released a new book and this time it's a fantasy. We're so glad that she was willing to answer a few questions about Twin Flames.

Summary: On estranged twins Leila and Bianca's eighteenth birthday, Leila suddenly gains a djinn's superpowers, and the twins realize that their town can only survive the djinns' secret plans if they learn to work together as sisters. An action-packed YA fantasy!

Twins Bianca and Leila could not be more different from each other. Being both Argentinian and Iranian in a small town has always been hard, but with Leila shunning her heritage and Bianca embracing it, the two walk very different paths. They run in different circles of friends, and barely talk anymore. Leila's a homebody who loves to craft and plans on marrying her high school sweetheart. Bianca's more anti-establishment and plans to get out of Dodge as soon as humanly possible.

But on their eighteenth birthday, the neighbor's barn mysteriously burns down. When Leila encounters a monster arising from the fire, a djinn, suddenly she gains strange powers--and can no longer touch iron.

What do these djinn want with Leila--or other people in town, for that matter? Can the twins learn to rely on each other--and their cultures--to banish them? It'll take a sisterly reconciliation for the girls to find out and to save their hometown in this New Visions Award-winning fantasy adventure.

Thank you so much for sharing with us today. Your bio says that you’ve been devouring books since your school days. What kind of books moved you or influenced you when you were a young adult?

Hi Crystal! I read a lot of sci-fi and fantasy as a kid. I was up to my eyeballs in Dune and Ender’s Game in middle and high school. A book I loved was The House of Scorpion by Nancy Farmer and I was obsessed with the Sabriel series by Garth Nix!

Can you tell us a little bit about your filmmaking and how that and writing novels are related or ways that they are different?

I think they are similar in that they are both storytelling mediums. It feels like the same part of my brain is being exercised, just with a different tool. The freeing thing about writing though is that I don’t have to convince anyone to tell my story with me; all I need is a word processor or a pen and paper. With film, you need a lot of outside buy-in to make it happen, and I didn’t have the temperament for that.

I just finished reading Twin Flames and really appreciated the dynamics between the twins. How do you typically arrive at your characters and what did you enjoy about Bianca and Leila?

Bianca and Leila, are, at their heart, just different sides of my myself. For better or worse, I am a character-driven author. I have to picture the protagonists in my head before I can really put words to paper. For Bianca and Leila I would scour IMDB to find actresses who embodied what I was going for and took it from there. I loved writing Bianca’s snark, but I loved writing Leila’s hopes and dreams as well. They were really fun to bounce between.

Bianca and Leila encounter a wide variety of djinn. Were they all types you were familiar with or did this involve some research?

I feel like I barely scratched the surface on all the types of djinn! The sleep paralysis djinn was one I had grown up with (I had it often as a child) but others were in my periphery, I had just never looked them up. Also, the ones I grew up with are unique to Southwest Asia and North Africa, while there are even more in Southeast Asia. It’s pretty cool and I loved researching them and even got scared at times reading about people’s run-ins with djinn!

Do you have any interesting tidbits that you wanted to include in the book, but had to leave out for any reason?

So many. This was the first book I ever wrote and I really had to kill my darlings! A lot of the things I had to remove were family scenes, from an in-depth analysis of the spark plug issue their father was working on, to the reason why their mother had to leave Argentina. There are pages and pages of backstory that just never made it in, along with some even creepier djinn.

Your own family of origin was similar to that of the twins. Were there specific challenges or rewards in writing something that mirrored your own life in that way?

For sure. A lot of the time I would just ask myself “Do I need to explain this?” From having the feast of seven fishes at Christmas, even though the mom is Argentinian, to explaining what Esfand herbs were. Taking off their shoes at the door, pickling things at home…these were all moments where I wasn’t sure if I should expand on them because they were just unspoken truths in my upbringing. Sometimes, writing what you know is even harder!

Is there a question you wish I had asked about the story or your writing process?

The title. I didn’t realize that “Twin Flames” was such a huge part of people’s spiritual beliefs. I had just wanted to write a book about twins who literally had djinn flames inside of them. Whoops.

What is next in your writing journey? 

I have a picture book publishing in January called THE INTERPRETER. It follows Cecilia, a girl who is torn between her normal life of being a soccer-loving kid, and her not-so-normal life of interpreting English to Spanish for her parents. It is very close to my heart!

Thanks again for taking the time to answer questions about Twin Flames. We're glad it's out in the world for people to enjoy. 

Growing up in the DC area, Olivia devoured books and hid in empty classrooms during school to finish them. Her debut novel, Perfectly Parvin, was published in 2021, receiving the SCBWI Golden Kite Honor, YALSA Odyssey Honor, and numerous starred reviews. Her sophomore novel, Azar on Fire, was published in August 2022 and a SLJ pick. Olivia's third novel, Twin Flames, is a New Visions Award winner. She currently lives in Denver, Colorado, with her husband and daughter.

[chelseachilly]

king of my heart - pt 9

don’t read the last page but i stay when it’s hard or it’s wrong or we’re making mistakes

pairing: reader x ben chilwell summary: in the aftermath of you and ben’s fight, you call your mum for some much-needed comfort and guidance warnings: none :) word count: 1.9k

see my masterlist for previous chapters

You’re sobbing so hard you can barely see straight by the time you make it inside your flat, hastily tearing off your rain-soaked clothing and changing into pyjamas.

You peer into Charlotte’s room, but there’s nobody there, so she must be working or at Mason’s.

Every harsh word Ben said to you replays in your mind as you pace the hardwood floors.

For the first time since you moved to London, you find yourself incredibly homesick. All you want is to be curled up by the fireplace with your parents and brother, chatting and listening to music or watching football, knowing everything will be alright.

But your dad is gone and your mum and brother are two hours away in your hometown. You have to work in the morning, and it’s too late to drive there and back in one night.

Desperately needing some comfort, you dial your mum’s number and are relieved when she picks up right away.

“Y/N, dear, is everything alright?” she asks.

You feel guilty that you don’t call her enough - you were closer with your dad growing up, but she’s still your mother. She’s always supported you in every way she can, even in the midst of her own grief when your dad died.

“I-I don’t know,” you answer shakily. “Ben and I got into a big fight.”

You’ve updated her via the odd text about how Ben’s been doing since the injury, but she doesn’t know all the details or the emotional toll it’s been taking on both of you.

“About what, love?”

“He thinks I’m being overprotective,” you say. “Honestly, it’s probably more that he’s scared about what’s gonna happen and projecting it on me, but he’s never spoken to me like that before.”

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m sorry,” your mum says softly. “Are you back home now?”

It’s a complicated question - this flat never really felt like home to you, neither does London in general. Truthfully, the only place you ever truly felt at home since your father’s death was wherever you were with Ben.

But you know she means home in the physical sense, as in the place where you pay rent, so you answer accordingly.

“Yeah,” you respond. “I stormed out of there before I could say anything I would regret or before he could…”

You trail off, sitting down on your couch and burying your face in your hands.

“Before he could what, darling?”

“Before he could end things,” you answer honestly. “I…I’m so terrified of losing him, Mum. I love him so much, and after losing Dad, I just…I can’t lose anyone else.”

“Oh, darling, you’re not going to lose him,” your mum says soothingly. “From everything I’ve heard from you and your brother, he’s a good lad who loves and respects you. He may be hurting right now and saying things he doesn’t mean, but I’m certain he already regrets it.”

You let out a heavy sigh. You know that Ben loves and respects you, you just don’t know if it’s enough. This is a major life and career setback for him, it would be challenging for any couple to navigate, and the two of you have been together for less than six months.

“I don’t know, Mum,” you murmur. “What if he doesn’t want this anymore?”

Before your mother can answer, you hear a knock at your door.

“I’ve gotta go, there’s someone at the door.”

“Alright, just call me back later if you want to talk,” your mum says. “And honey, try not to worry too much. Ben loves you. I’m sure you’ll be alright.”

“Thanks, Mum,” you respond, hanging up the phone.

You have no idea who might be at the door, as Charlotte isn’t here and you aren’t expecting anyone, but you quickly wipe your tears away and march over to open it.

You definitely aren’t expecting to see Ben, soaked from the rain and standing on his crutches, looking even more distraught than you feel right now.

“Ben?”

Despite how angry you were with him less than an hour ago, you can’t help but crumble under his gaze.

“Y/N,” Ben breathes, his eyes scanning your tear-stained cheeks and red-rimmed eyes. “I am so sorry.”

You can tell how sincerely he means that - if his tone and mournful expression aren’t enough, the fact that he made his way over here in a rainstorm and on crutches certainly proves it.

“Ben,” you sigh. “It’s okay-“

“No, no, it’s not okay,” he objects, shaking his head. “It’s not okay for me to speak to you like that, not ever. I was taking my own shit out on you, and I’m so sorry. There’s no excuse for it.”

“I know you’re hurting, Ben,” you say softly. “I just need you to let me help you. I’m not trying to baby you or be too overbearing, I just-“

“You aren’t, babe, not at all,” Ben says quickly. “I’m so grateful for all your help, really. This would’ve been so much harder without you. You don’t deserve to be treated like that.”

You can see so much pain in his eyes, all of the stress of the past month weighing on him. You hate seeing him like this, you just want to make it go away.

He seems to be physically struggling, too, obviously feeling the pain of his premature workout today. He’s wobbling slightly on his crutches and his brow is furrowed.

“I understand if you need some time away from me after I was such a prick to you,” Ben continues. “I can just go-“

“You’re not going anywhere, come here,” you say softly, taking a step toward him and pulling him into your embrace. He can’t really hug you back properly with the crutches, but he buries his face in your neck and inhales your scent. You card your fingers through his hair for a moment and press a light kiss to his forehead before pulling away. “Go sit down on the couch, I’ll be right back.”

Ben obliges and makes his way over to your sofa, and you note the way he winces as he props his bad leg up on the sectional. You grab a few things from your bedroom and the kitchen before returning.

“Let’s get you out of these wet clothes,” you say, passing him a grey hoodie and joggers, both of which belong to him.

“You thief,” Ben chuckles. “You don’t have enough access to my clothes at my place? You had to hoard some here?”

“Well, it’s come in handy, hasn’t it?” you respond, helping him take off the trousers he already had on.

Once he’s all changed, you gently place an ice pack over his knee and give him some ibuprofen.

“Thank you so much, love,” Ben says, breathing a sigh of relief and leaning back against the cushions. He turns his head to face you and grabs you by the hand to pull you into a gentle kiss that makes your heart soar. “Again, I am so sorry.”

“I forgive you,” you murmur, squeezing his hand. “I know you didn’t mean it, and it’s been a tough time. I just want you to open up to me instead of keeping it all inside and blowing up like that.”

“I know,” he whispers. “I want to open up to you too, it’s just been…harder than usual.”

You nod, running your thumb over the back of his hand in a soothing motion and urging him to continue.

He’s never been shy about his feelings with you before, but obviously this time is different.

“I’m just scared,” he admits. “Some people never recover from injuries like this. And I’m so sick of missing all these important moments in my career because I’m out injured. It doesn’t feel fair.”

“It’s not fair,” you agree, your heart aching. “I’m so sorry you’re going through his, Benji, and you know I would take it all away if I could. But you’ll bounce back again, just like you have before. It just might take a bit longer than you’re used to.”

“Yeah,” Ben sighs. “You’re probably right. It’s just been a lot to take, you know?”

You reach out to cup his cheek, brushing away a stray tear that fell there. He leans into your touch, his eyes fluttering shut for a moment.

“Of course it has, baby,” you say. “Have you thought about making a therapy appointment?”

He hasn’t gone since the injury, and you know how important those sessions are for his well-being.

“Yeah, I’m gonna go next week,” he confirms, much to your relief.

“Okay, good,” you say with a small smile, curling a strand of his hair around your finger. He’s let it grow out slightly longer lately and hasn’t been using gel, as he’s been home most of the time, and you’re definitely a fan - you love running your hands through his soft waves. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you, darling,” Ben smiles, staring at you with so much awe in his eyes. “God, I don’t deserve you.”

You roll your eyes and shake your head. “Don’t be silly, Ben, of course you do.”

“Not a chance.”

“Ben-“

“I don’t, and you’re not allowed to argue with me about it anymore because I’m hurt and I get to play the injured boyfriend card, alright?”

You can’t help but chuckle at the ridiculousness of his argument, but you let him win nonetheless.

“Fine, any more demands from my poor injured boyfriend?” you ask playfully.

“Yes,” Ben says immediately, leaning in close and pressing a quick kiss to your lips with a cheeky smile on his face when he pulls back. “I want cuddles.”

You definitely won’t deny him that request. You promptly grab a blanket and throw it over both of you before settling into his side and draping one leg over his good one. His arms wrap around you as your head finds its place on his chest. A sigh of contentment leaves your lips as Ben begins to trace shapes over your back and press kisses to the crown of your head.

It feels so good to be intimate with him again after he’s been icing you out the past couple weeks. Not only have you missed his touch, but you’ve been yearning to comfort him and it’s been a challenge to give him space while he’s clearly hurting.

“How’s your knee feeling?” you ask after a couple minutes, pressing a kiss to his chest.

“It still hurts, but it’s faded a bit,” Ben says. “I guess I may have overdone it a bit today.”

“Hmm, maybe you should listen to your doctors and super-smart girlfriend more often?”

“Yes, yes, point taken,” Ben rolls his eyes. “I promise I will not work out again until I am cleared to do so.”

“Good boy,” you smile, ruffling his hair and pecking his nose. “I love you, Benji. And I’m here for you, no matter what. We’ll get through this together.”

Ben’s face melts with adoration for you, his eyes slightly watery as he looks into yours and nods.

“Thank you,” he says quietly, resting his forehead against yours. “I love you too.”

You spend the rest of the evening cuddled up like this, watching a film and enjoying the closeness that both of you have been desperately needing.

By the time Charlotte gets home, shortly after ten, you’re fast asleep and still wrapped up in each other on the sofa. She smiles at the sweet sight and leaves you be, draping one more blanket over your sleeping figures before retreating to her room.

-

yourusername via stories

benchilwell via stories

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liked by benchilwell, jackgrealish and others

yourusername moments at home with my boys 💙

tagged: benchilwell

max.yln Get well soon Chilly! And take care of him sis the club needs him back asap

yourusername Don’t worry I’m a pretty good nurse/chef/pillow-fluffer at this point

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benchilwell Thanks bro! Come visit soon 😊

-

a/n: hope you enjoyed the return to our regularly scheduled fluff!! more struggles to come but loads more fluff as well ❤️

tagging: @xjval @majx00 @delicateearthquakellama @lunamelona @kenanlotus0​ (let me know if you would like to be added to this list!)

next chapter 💙

[mythicamagic]

Sukuna's Roommate (Sukuna x Reader) Chapter Seven

Summary: The rent is cheap, that's the only reason you're moving into apartment 167 on such short notice. The rent is cheap, you remind yourself again, staring up at the four-armed monster you would be living with. (Female reader x Sukuna)

Warnings: some dubcon moments and general Sukuna stuff i.e: murder. Will eventually feature smut.

Previous Chapters: One, Two, Three and others can be found on Ao3

--------

There was something distinctly depressing about break time on college campus. Groups of people tended to flock together, coffee in hand and chatting merrily away.

I wasn't accustomed to being a loner. The truth was that I'd always been in the thick of it with people, wanting to please, to entertain. 

Now my days were better spent people watching rather than participating. A funny feeling twisted low in my gut as another round of laughter came from the table opposite mine in the cafeteria. I looked down at my sad little sandwich, swallowing with difficulty. It wasn’t as though I’d been excluded by my new classmates, more like I’d taken a deliberate step back on purpose. 

When the laughter came again, I set down my barely touched food. Standing, I quickly strode outside. An unnamed, strange kind of panic beat in my chest, forehead beading with sweat. The air fanned crisp and fresh over my face the instant I stepped out into the open, immediately soothing frayed nerves. I took a few deep breaths, drawing away from the dining hall and continuing to walk until my steps threatened to take me over the campus border. Only then did I feel my panic abate, a hand resting over my chest. 

“Fuck,” I sighed, wetting my dry lips. 

Not to be a downer but friends made me think of loud music, the taste of beer and smell of weed. They reminded me of partying, and partying led me to think of-

"No way…is that-" a voice muttered, far too close for comfort. Ice froze my veins. I stilled, becoming completely rigid and unable to move. No. Nope, nien. This was just a dream, it couldn't be real. Any moment now, Sukuna would walk by naked, as he often did in my fantas- nightmares. Suddenly bright green eyes were peering down at me. A guy with short dark hair automatically smiled out of habit rather than affection, a complicated look passing over his face.

"Virago! Wow…shit, I didn't expect to see you here. They'll let anyone into this place, huh?"

I wish he'd drop that nickname. Not like it applied to me anymore. I felt far too meek these days. Probably because I had some damn perspective now. My hands curled into fists at my side. The small, circular cigarette burns on my upper arms and collarbone thrummed. My mind might’ve been fogged that day but my body remembered. 

"Why are you here?" I asked tightly.

"Not much of a greeting. Aren't you happy to see me? You could use a friendly face right about now."

He'd heard about the DUI of course, but I wasn’t expecting him to know I’d moved away. Not surprising, I guess. Maybe my parents had broadcasted it. Severed the tumor from the family and all that. Word had traveled fast in our small hometown. I was glad to be rid of the constraints of quick gossip. Cities were so much easier to live in if you wanted to achieve anonymity. 

"Not in the mood to greet an ex, Neil. Let alone be happy about it."

My head ached and the sunlight felt too bright. That newly familiar panic was rising up again. 

"Come on, you're still thinking about that?" He dismissed in his usual amiable tone. The kind that downplayed anything you might be feeling. "It was said in the heat of the moment- I forgive you for losing your temper. I broke up with you for the right reasons."

My heart lurched. White hot rage flew up my throat. "I broke up with YOU!" I snapped. “What are you even talking about?!”

Neil winced and glanced around, as if embarrassed I was causing a scene. Several people lounging around on the campus shot us curious looks. Shame heated my cheeks but I soldiered on. He opened his mouth but I cut in, lowering my voice. I’m ashamed to recount that it trembled. "You…y-you spiked my drink."

"Are we back to that old chestnut again?"

"It's the truth!"

"Yeah yeah, and look how well that worked out for you last time,” Neil sighed. “Not like you got drunk on your own and made your own mistakes, nah. It always has to be someone else's fault. Everyone got sick of your shit long before that accident, you know?"

When achieving maximum anger- nay- full throttle rage, it left me unable to speak. I could only tremble violently, fingers dug tight into the meat of my palms. 

"Listen. I didn't come here to fight,” he held up his hands magnanimously, flashing a pretty-boy smile I yearned to break. “I'm just in town for a few days visiting a friend. I'll be out of your hair before long. But…" he trailed off, reaching out. 

My brain short circuited. Those long fingers tucked a few strands of hair behind my ear, brushing the skin of my cheek as they drew away. I recoiled, arms instinctively raising to curl protectively around my body. "I still wanna catch up,” he murmured. “Come grab a bite to eat, for old times sake?"

That anger that had been buoying me along the majority of this conversation felt like it had been well and truly stabbed with a pin- all that hot air leaving me at once. I felt cold and vulnerable in my deflated state. 

"I don't want to. I'm- I'm busy,” I said lamely, softly. Where was my bite? Why did I feel so damn powerless?

Neil remained unconvinced, even appearing slightly mocking. "Uh-huh. What, you gonna make up a pretend boyfriend next?"

"There's no need to fabricate a lie when it's the truth, now is there?"

That deep, sonorous voice wrapped around me before the length of his arm did. I felt rather than saw a sharp grin press against my flushed temple. Sukunas unique scent swallowed my senses. Copper, baked meat, incense and smoke from a kiseru pipe all blended into one. A heady, sweltering cloud. Despite myself, I felt a complicated sense of relief in having him step close, my shoulders relaxing slightly. 

Sukuna sized Neil up, poised and at ease, a kind of laziness in his gait. He didn't draw himself up to stand taller or puff out his chest, one hand remaining slung half heartedly into his pocket. No voices were raised. All that needed to happen was a slight upwards tilt of his chin. To me, the effect felt instantaneous. Sukuna looked down from on high. 

And ultimately what he saw was not impressive enough to engage with. Whatever curiosity Neil inspired for half a second dimmed into a laissez-faire attitude. 

"Who are-"

"...I'm bored, come entertain me," Sukuna turned the full force of his attention on me. "You’re on a break now, right?"

He knows my schedule?

“Y-yeah,” I managed, bobbing my head stiffly. His large hand curled tighter around my shoulder, pressing me harder against the heated slab of stone that was his body. 

Sukuna smiled, sharp teeth flashing. “Good. Hurry up then,” he turned, drawing me along with him like I really was a stray buoy left out at sea, wrapped up in the storm that was Ryomen Sukuna.

"I-I guess I'll see you later, Virago."

I heard the confusion in Neil’s voice but could no longer see his face, too preoccupied with Sukuna all but spiriting me away from campus. My legs worked automatically to keep up with his long strides- and it was too late to throw a snide comment over my shoulder at Neil, the slimy ex long gone.

"I just remembered, you still haven't received sufficient praise for showing loyalty to me the other day."

I blinked, glancing up at Sukuna’s unreadable expression. His silver ear-cuff and chain caught the warm sunlight, making them shine white. 

"There's really no need-"

"Rejecting my goodwill? Heh, bold move."

When faced with Sukuna’s full, toothy smile- the kind that promised kinky violence- I clammed up, too dazed after the encounter with Neil to be appropriately bantery. 

Sukuna sighed, as if sensing my mood. The sound was a surprise. I checked his expression again, but it quickly became shadowed by the heavy shade of a building. The fact that he’d all but dragged me into an alley in the heart of the city should- most definitely- have inspired some terror. Too bad my stress batteries had overloaded.

"Tell me what you'd like,” Sukuna grunted, finally stopping to release me from his grip. “If it's not too annoying, I might be generous enough to entertain your wishes."

I stared.

What?

Where was this coming from?

Sukuna’s bored expression was impossible to dissect. I could only grasp at straws and conclude he was either fucking with me or operated on a bizarre sense of honor. He’d said he’d reward me, so the honor system demanded he follow through?

Too bad I was exhausted enough to let slip a tired giggle and think- fuck it. 

"Honestly I could use a nice spar or something along those lines right about now," I smiled wanly, running a hand through my hair and trying to shake off the echo's of Neil's touch.

He tilted his head. "A spar?"

"Yeah, like a massage, a nice long soak in an onsen or uh…something along those lines,” I nodded, picturing the kind of fancy establishments my mother had used to traipse back from, smelling of soap and hairspray.

"Ah, that kind of spar…" Sukuna tsked, gazing up at the narrow gap between the buildings between us. He gave a chuckle, rolling his shoulders with a gleam in his eye I definitely did not like. "Lucky you- that can be easily arranged! Ever the thoughtful pet to your owner, huh?” his large, weighty palm patted my head. “Hold still,” the words purred out lowly, the red of his eyes gleaming as he made a strange hand-sign.

My stomach dropped- seconds before my feet followed suit- and I plunged into deep, dark nothingness. 

-----------

For a long moment, there was ceaseless, endless black. A void. It swallowed me whole, silent and yawning. During this time, I knew I was falling, but no breeze tugged my clothes and hair. No wind kissed my face. It was like being suspended between time and space.

As if having enough of that potential existential crisis- a sudden flash of red rushed up to greet my legs- and I plunged feet first into water a moment later.

I floated, stunned, before regaining my senses and quickly kicking- breaking the surface a moment later.

“Hah- hah,” I panted, blinking. Steam lapped around my face, curling lazily in the air like kiseru smoke. It was enough to obscure my vision, for a moment- but there was no hiding the red liquid I was treading water in for long. The smell of copper soaked the air. I squinted, brain leaping to horror-struck conclusions- but no, the liquid was too clear to be blood. Upon tilting my chin up, I noticed the black nothingness spreading out above my head like the abyss had constructed a dome. Strange, white things on the ground level had been piled high into what I assumed were sloppy towers, but they were too far away to see clearly.  Noticing the black rim of what I assumed to be a pool edge, I swam toward it, gripping the edge soon enough and preparing to pull myself up. 

The moment my eyes peered above the rim-level, a skinless skull met my gaze.

I shrieked, and lost my grip. 

Sputtering to the surface in a tangle of limbs a moment later, I found that the eerie silence of the red hot-springs had been broken by sharp, rumbling laughter. 

“Still flailing around and fretting about every little thing. You’re supposed to be relaxing, pet.”

Gripping the smooth edge of the pool-wall, I turned slowly, losing my voice all over again. 

Words dried up in my mouth. 

There, wading casually into the other side of the hot-springs, stood Sukuna. The four armed menace, the grinning tormenter. And, apparently- the two-dicked monster, very much naked and on display for all to be seen.

[mueritos]

The fact that my mother who is Hispanic who believes in god and I have come out to (which we still don’t talk about) worries one day I won’t come home because I’m just going to an lgbt event (concert,bar, art event) and she is afraid of me being gunned down and hunted. She isn’t homophobic or transphobic anymore but she isn’t accepting either…she just tells me to look for the exists and have an escape plan before hand…what is this reality…like what the actual fuck

i have the same experience. my mother isnt homophobic but shes still unlearning a lot. but there was a lot of back and forth from her between me and my twin because we were working a pride event in our hometown and she believed that someone would show up and massacre. it's an unfortunate united statian fear (i am going to assume youre from the US here because what other country is as fucked about mass shootings than the US), that is grounded in reality, but immigrant parents also have an insane paranoia and it is often what prevents us (and their children) from living their fullest lives. I used to live in daily fear because my parents made it seem like 1. staying home with family is the best way to be safe 2. never leaving the family is the best way to stay safe 3. depending on the family is the best way to be safe. This gets in the way of daily life, and I used to believe being safe was the most important thing to me, even if it meant taking the bare minimum just because it was "safest" (or more like, the safest to my parents). I missed out on fuller opportunities because I put my parent's version of safety over my need to be a person.

I cannot tell anyone how to live their life, and your mom's fears are real just like any other united statian--but I physically cannot live my life thinking something bad must happen to me just because I left the confines of my home. Yet at the same time, there exists a genuine anxiety and fear anytime I do leave my home that maybe something or someone will find me.

Keep yourself safe by doing what you feel does that best. Take some self defence classes so that you can train your body and mind to emergency scenarios. Make escape plans with friends or groups. But if you only focus on the danger, you lose sight of the light and love that life has to offer. It is, however, a difficult balance to maintain considering the state of the US.

[sinsiriuslyemo]

A few years ago, I was going through quite a time. My abuelo was very, very sick and had broken his vertebrae, then my abuela had to have surgery, then my dad also needed to have surgery. It was a crazy period, and at the time, with me being so far away from them, I felt completely helpless. All I could think to do about it was write, since writing is often how I deal with emotions. I didn't post it it though, whether it was because I didn't think anyone would be interested or because it was too hard at the time, I couldn't say. But in celebration of 1,000 followers, I wanted to share it.

Running on hardly any sleep and fighting the beginnings of a migraine was not your idea of a fun Saturday. On top of that, you still hadn’t touched your manuscript in weeks and — true to a typical writer — you were feeling guilty about it. You had been working on your debut novel for almost a year and were in the midst of the biggest revision round to date, but you couldn’t seem to find the time to sit down and tackle it. The whole reason you’d left your hometown was so that you could spread your wings, away from the pressures and sometimes suffocating influence of your family members. Living in New York had been your dream since you were a little girl, but now that it had come true, you couldn’t help but feel as though you were squandering it.

  Plopping down on your couch, you decided to take a nap. Maybe it would rejuvenate you enough to actually get some work done and hopefully it would take care of this damn migraine before it got too bad. 

  Just as you closed your eyes and got comfortable, your phone dinged with a new message. You let out a breath, deciding not to answer it and tried to focus on relaxing so that you would fall asleep. It was easier said than done. You tossed and turned and even tried pulling your fluffy, leopard print blanket over your head to shut out all the light, but nothing worked. 

   An hour later, you had given up on the nap and grabbed your phone off the end table as you sat up. A text from your grandmother. 

   At least it was a text and not a phone call. You loved your family, but they often called when it wasn’t the best time for you to talk, which would result in either you sounding angry or them feeling as though you were annoyed with them. You knew you were lucky to have both sets of grandparents still alive, that often when people found out that you had all four grandparents they would tell you how lucky you were, but sometimes you just needed your own space without them asking about every — single — aspect of your life. You opened the text and your heart dropped.

   She had a heart attack this morning. She’s in the hospital, they’re taking her for a cardio on Monday.

   You furrowed your brows. Who was she?! 

   You had spoken to your other grandma a few days before because your grandfather had fallen and broken his vertebrae. Was there a typo in the text and the she was meant to be a he?! Or was someone else in the hospital now, too?!

   Your fingers were shaking as you texted her back in a panic.

   WHAT?! 

   WHO?!

   Your mind was racing as you waited for a reply, tired after only a few seconds. After a few seconds, you didn’t want to have to wait for a text back anymore, and called her as scenario after scenario ran through your mind. 

   Why did this have to happen now? When your grandfather was already in the hospital? Your family didn’t need this! Not now. Beyond that, you weren’t ready to lose either of your grandparents. 

   “Y/N —”

   “What happened?” you asked immediately, heart pounding in your throat and a sting quickly developing along the edges of your nose.

   “Your abuela Gloria had a heart attack this morning. That text, I got from your sister, and I forwarded it to you.”

   You felt your world crumble around you and barely registered that the front door had opened and Rafael had walked in.

   “She’s okay, it was minor. They took her to Baptist Hospital,” your grandma said.

   “What about Abuelo?”

   “They’re transferring him back to the hospital because after they took your Abuela, he fell out of bed again. So, they have to make sure that he didn’t hurt his back where they fixed it.”

   Your hand made contact with your forehead as the sting on your nose grew until water was pooling in your eyes. They were both in the hospital?! And you were here, thousands of miles away and unable to do anything about it.

   “Your father is there, fighting with the people at the rehab center because they weren’t giving Abuelo any pain medication, they weren’t changing him when he had accidents —”

   “What?!”

   By now Rafael had given up on trying to get your attention long enough to wave a greeting and had sat down beside you, watching your expression with furrowed brows.

   “Your dad is making sure that after they get him back to the hospital, he finds another rehab center,” your grandmother said. “I don’t want you to worry, everything is okay. We’re managing. I just wanted you to know because I figured you’d be pissed if we didn’t tell you anything.”

   Running a hand through your hair, you pinched the bridge of your nose as the migraine finally hit full force and the tears in your eyes dripped down onto your cheeks.

   “Okay,” was all you could manage to say. “Who’s with Abuela?”

   “Your brothers are there with her right now,” she replied.

   “Okay,” you mumbled, the guilt of not being there when your family needed you the most weighing heavy on your conscience. 

   “I’ll keep you posted on everything, okay? Don’t worry,” she said again.

   “Okay.”

   “Okay, I’ll talk to you soon,” she said.

   “Okay… I love you.”

   “I love you too, honey.”

   You hung up and for the first time since he’d walked in, looked over at Rafael, who had been staring at you with concern ever since he got home. 

  “What happened?” he asked, wiping at your cheeks.

   “My abuela had a heart attack this morning,” you answered and filled him in on everything you’d just found out.

   “Is she gonna be okay?” he asked.

   “I hope so. They said it was minor and they’re doing that test on Monday,” you answered. “I’m not ready to lose any of them,” you admitted, more tears streaming down your face as you let him pull you into his arms. He let you cry in silence for a moment, stroking your hair, gently rocking you back and forth.

   “You can’t think like that,” he whispered after a long silence.

   “I just hate that this is happening and I’m not there for them,” you sobbed. “She doesn’t need this right now, with Abuelo in the hospital, too, she just doesn’t need this!”

   “I know,” he replied. “So let’s go. Let’s go and be with your family.”

   You looked up at him. “Really?”

   “Yes,” he replied without hesitation. “I know how important they are to you and that means they’re important to me, too.”

   “What about your job? You have that case coming up —”

   “I can find someone to man the fort while we’re gone,” he answered, shaking his head. “You’re not gonna go through this alone, mi amor. I’m here for you.”

[felidacy]

Because I have been sucked back into my figure skating a.k.a. Yuzuru Hanyu like every couple of weeks by now I will share a random idea I've had in my head for a while now. Secretly hoping that maybe someone writes something like that. (I could write it myself but it wouldn't feel the same.) The man has a chokehold on me for real. It doesn't help that I genuinely have been picturing Tim more than once in Yuzuru Hanyu's stead. It would even work together with his grace and because they both seem small and very lean, while having the appropriate muscles for the needed work.

Idea begins down below!

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I wanna share my random little thought of Tim after getting Bruce back from the timestream debacle he comes to a well needed realisation. After two more near death experiences, one lost organ and a struggling morales complex, Tim makes the discovery that maybe he doesn't want to live a life that is barely going forward any longer. And though he acknowledges that he deserves to be happy and have a good family and friends, he does not know how to set boundaries and what changes are needed so he doesn't feel so tired anymore.

Tam Fox, his still fake fiancée that both forgot, then comes to the rescue to talk some sense into him. She is her fathers daughter and not one to mess with. This is why she manages it that Tim actually listens to her. First of all he finishes high school, moves in with Tam (Tam was not amused when she saw how he lived. Tim has never been so terrified.) and tries to keep a healthier work-life balance.

But Tim loaths the work as CEO, because it's so monoton he has too much time to overthink and it is what Jack and Janet Drake had always wanted for him. Tim did learn by now that he was never treated like he should have been. Not by the Drakes or the Wayne's. And so the decision is made that Tim needs to get out of Gotham - far, far away to heal.

Tim is smart, but he can also be so incredibly dumb sometimes. Which is why instead of being honest with family and friends, he fakes his death while in his Red Robin disguise and after that is secured he runs away before anyone can even properly mourn him. Tim would like to clap himself on the back, the death was a 10/10 in his mind with all the dramatic flair that his family naturally possess. Tam knows the truth immediately after all she didn't find the boy all across the world for nothing and so he instead gets nagged for hours on end after some hits.

(Tam later on does apologise. She had been worried sick as she once again went after him without knowing for sure that he lived and now they were in Malaysia.)

Tam refuses to leave and after a long talk with her father she decides on staying with Tim. Tim could have left again to shake off Tam, however he had always wanted to come to his mothers hometown and he was not willing to give that up now. They take up new identities, still engaged because its easier to explain and have a new life. The regular normie life does not work out for Tim that much. In winter Tim rescues a young child that's trapped on a frozen lake where locals were ice skating and is in danger of sinking. Unable to let a innocent person die, Tim takes one of the skates and relying on his training he is able to get the child back on safe land.

He was a bit too impressive as a figure skating coach saw him and Tim promptly gets scouted by the woman. At first he doesn't want to, but she is stubborn and Tam wants him to have a great future if that is what he wants as well. In the end he gives in and the coach is delighted because she wishes to come very far with Tim so her beloved, old company can see it's glory days again.

Cut to three years later, newly 21-year-old Tim comes on on the TV in the Manor while holding a gold medal. After the ceremony a young woman runs towards Tim and only when he spins her around do the people in the living room recognise them as Tam and Tim. Who were apparently newly married as a reporter states? Tim was secretly alive in another country and became a championship winner in figure skating?

Mayhem ensues.

[words-are-fireproof]

Blood Upon the Snow: Seven Years Post Outbreak (1)

Summary: Joel meets a group in the forest outside of Boston.

Content/Warnings: canon typical violence, hunters come with their own warning, Joel comes with his own warning, death, guns, canon disabled character, disabled original character.

A/N: My timeline is all over the place, but I don't care. So consider this to be slightly AU at this point. Thank you to @wyn-n-tonic for listening to me moan about this story for weeks now. Thank you for looking it over, too.

Word Count: 1.2k

[Masterlist] || [Series Masterlist] || Part One || Part Three

-----

Dark eyes peered down the scope of a hunting rifle. The sounds of the forest behind him buzzed with the low, muffled sounds of animal life. They were easy to ignore. With the fresh snow that had fallen the night before, he could barely hear them.

He should be worried; any manner of creature could sneak up behind him, clickers included, and he wouldn’t know it until it was too late. He tried to ignore that thought as it sent a light tremor down his spine. Years spent fighting the infected and other hunter groups should’ve made him care a bit more about his self-preservation, but he found he couldn’t care less. If he were to go out, his body dragged across the snow, turning the white crimson with his spilled blood, so be it. 

A sharp pop pulled his focus down the barrel of the gun again. A body some yards in front of him fell to the ground and in his confusion–unable to hear the yells in front of him, their gaping maws the only indication of talking–he didn't know what to do or where to go. So, he watched. Watched the leader of the small mass of bodies yelling muffled orders as the band of inept gunmen fired aimlessly in the hopes of meeting their target. 

Then he saw the hunters. A stealthy throng of people with well kept rifles appeared from the shadows of the forest. Another sharp pop and another body fell. He didn't know either group. No face looked familiar from this distance. The ragged and dirty clothing didn't offer any identification. No patches. They weren't Fireflies. They definitely weren’t FEDRA. They were just…people. Trying to survive. 

And doing a poor job of it. 

He had two choices–one, the most logical one, had him turning around and returning to his own camp. Two, the one most likely to get him killed, had him going to help. Both viable options. Neither sounded appealing. 

Joel Miller lifted his rifle, trained it on a hunter, and fired. The sound triggered a bout of tinnitus, his ears ringing with a high pitched squeal that made his fists clench around his rifle. But he had no time to let his frustration get the better of him. One hunter down. Four more to go. All bodies present looked around in equal parts fear and confusion. 

He took another shot. The ambushed party fought back, another hunter falling in the snow. He stood with a wince, his knees cracking unpleasantly as he took off in a sprint. The last hunter fell before he could fire off another round. Relief spread warmly through his chest as he approached the hapless band of travelers. The pocket of air lingering around them felt warm and sticky with the humidity of breath pluming around them and the anxiety pulsing between them. The smell of iron filled his nose. It barely phased him anymore. 

“Thank you,” the nicety caught him off guard. Hardly anyone used those words anymore. The ones who did usually weren’t to be trusted. 

He shrugged. “Looked like you needed help.” 

From the corner of his eye, he noticed a woman and the person he assumed served as her interpreter. Her hands moved quickly but rather hidden behind the bodies of the other members of the group. He tried not to stare at them, and if he found himself staring at her, then so be it. Even before…seeing sign language was rare, even in his large hometown. He often wondered if the Deaf community hid themselves away from society, in plain sight, the perfect disappearing act. 

The silence between him and the rest of the group ebbed awkwardly. If they lingered any longer, they’d be picked off one by one. 

“We’d better get going,” a burly man announced in a loud and largely muffled voice to his left. Joel was right. Clearly he was the leader. 

“Where are you trying to go?” Joel asked quietly. Years of sneaking around taught him how to be silent when it mattered. 

He’d just taken down a group of hunters. Others were bound to be somewhere nearby. 

“Boston,” a clearer voice, female, rang clearly to his right. 

“Nothing good in Boston.” 

His gaze flicked to the woman and her interpreter again. Her eyes watched her interpreter’s hands closely, but he swore he felt her hazel eyed gaze land on him more than once. He tried to ignore it, and her, but the way her hands moved mesmerized him despite his best interest. 

“We’re trying to reach the quarantine zone,” another voice sounded among the group. He couldn’t tell the direction it came from which meant it came from around his bad side. 

He sighed with a sharp frown, raking a hand through his hair. “You’re about forty miles from there. Clickers and hunters are all around these parts. Good luck getting through.” 

A murmur rippled through them as Joel shifted in the snow. The hair on the back of his neck raised. Something felt weird. He couldn’t describe it. It just felt off. He couldn’t be sure if it was a hunter or one of the infected. Or it could be an animal stalking its prey. When the first of the infection hit, the zoos remained locked up, the most dangerous animals safe behind iron bars. But slowly the animals were released or died or the bars rotted away. There was no telling what stalked the woody areas outside the quarantine zone. 

The burly man he immediately pegged as the leader turned to speak to the group. Joel waited, mulling on the dilemma presented before him. He could help. He could ferry them safely to Boston. He knew all the back trails and nonpatroled areas. He had a safehouse not but a few miles from where they stood, hidden behind vines and overgrown bushes, an old homestead that his own people knew about but couldn’t pinpoint if they tried. He had another much closer to the QZ and one further off he could use to throw the hunters off. A two day’s hike with semi-experienced survivors didn’t appeal to him. But if he didn’t help, they’d be picked off easily. One by one. Until there was no one left. 

The hazel eyed deaf woman would be the first to go.

“Forty miles in which direction?” 

He pointed to the north. “Sun’s about to set. You won’t get far tonight.” 

“What’s your suggestion?” 

He let out a long breath. “I have a safehouse. Ten miles in the opposite direction. We’ll get there before the sun sets.” The leader opened his mouth to say something, but Joel cut him off. “One time offer. Take it or leave it.” 

The leader glanced between his group, his red, beady eyed gaze bouncing between everyone. Joel’s own dark gaze avoided his, settling on the woman as she said something to her interpreter. The interpreter turned to the leader. 

“We shouldn’t go with him,” he said, repeating what the deaf woman had signed.

That didn’t surprise him. He wouldn’t trust himself if he met himself in a snowy forest. “Tell your friend this is the only offer I’m giving you.” 

She frowned, eyes narrowing as she shot off something obscene. He didn’t need to know sign language to know that she said something untoward. She could talk all she wanted. It didn’t make a difference to him. 

“We’ll go with you,” the leader finally acquiesced. “We’ll kill you if you try anything.” 

Joel wanted to see him try. 

[rrosiepetals]

Hey hey, I'm gonna do this here, because the text would be too long for the answer box below your post and I really don't wanna spam, so I'll just... yeah, do it here, if that's alright with you ^^

So, basically I got this character in mind, that grew up in the apocalypse and is 20 by the end of the game. She had a name given to her by her parents, but after losing them in the very early days of humanity's downfall, she kinda 'forgot' it. Not really, but she just didn't use it as often anymore, since she actually almost never met any other people after losing her parents.

The only thing she has left, is her little Golden Retriever dog, that she protects with her life (and vice versa). The girl is all he knows and even though he is well trained from the start thanks to her parents, he is very protective of her, resulting in some... not so pleasant situations with strangers.

The name of the dog is still debatable xD I'm thinking about calling him Rosso or Rufus, but haven't decided yet.

Anyway, they try to survive together, living of everything they can find and taking whatever they can to live a somewhat comfortable life together.

As they grow up, with the help of a few people they meet on the way but leave again, the girl and the dog become real survivors, developing certain routines when scouting out the area or when trying to reach food, that seems a bit risky to take.

They develop a strong bond and the girl has been given many names by the people they met now, never saying what her real name was and never telling anyone, what happened to her family. She wants to leave that all behind, even though she tries to keep the memory of her parents.

At one point, the girl and the dog even meet the Ericson Kids, but after a few days of staying there, talking to them and even helping 'em out, she leaves again (making her dog pretty sad, since he got to be good friends with Rosie).

But she decided for herself, that she's not made for groups and that her dog is all she needs.

After a few more years, her dog is 14 years old by then, he becomes really sick though. He couldn't walk that much before that, but now he can barely move a muscle without feeling pain. They travel one last time together, until they reach their hometown, where everything began.

The dog passes away after a few more hours there and the girl, well, young woman, is on her own again. For the first time since the apocalypse started. She buries the dog and gives him a nice little tree for his eternal rest, then she mourns him and leaves the next morning.

After being alone for some time, she finds herself in a big city, where she's looking for food. In a dumpster, she finds a young puppy, who's been abandoned by his mother and littermates. So she takes him with her, training him, guiding him, until he's big enough to defend himself. She gives him the choice to come with him or leave, but as attached as he already is to her, he follows her.

Just like her first dog did all those years ago. And with them, the story continues.

Well, these are my thoughts on her so far, thanks for listening ^^

So sorry, I just got to this as this month has been a very busy one for me!!!

I love this!! There’s a lot to be told with this story, the poor babies. Honestly in the apocalypse things get real fucked up to where you question if you can really put your trust in humanity, however no matter the given situation you can always rely on a furry friend.

I know throughout the series there hasn’t been any good luck with animals but in a case where you can have time to form a connection with them is all the more heartwarming! Ugh it does break my heart, but I’m so glad she has another puppy to take care of here! 😭😭 Thank you for sharing! I would love to hear more in the future! <3

[dixie-the-pixie]

Story time.

Before i moved away to my states capital after covid shutdown my middle school, i had a small friend group made up of genuinely horrible people. After i moved, i made the decision to stop being friends with them, as i was having a period of self discovery and realized i didn’t want to be associated with them anymore.

My Freshman year was 100% virtual, so i had very limited contact outside of my immediate family. As you could guess, i didn’t have any friends.

Sophomore year and i’m back in school. In person, this time. And i’m very overwhelmed; i don’t do too well with new environments and hundreds of people. As such, i have a very hard time making friends, with most of my “friends” barely hiding their hatred for me. It doesn’t get better from here.

Junior year. The first three months i was still in my states capital. Come October, however, and i move back to my “hometown”. My first day back and i’m already a part of a main group, even being added to a group chat. In the span of two weeks, i went from having 0 friends to having about 20. All of these new friends, and yet none of them had seen me in years, and none of my middle school friends were among them. Remember, i’ve never really been friends with these people, i don’t know anything about them, and likewise they with me. This was October.

Over the next few months, the group would start drifting apart, but i wouldn’t pay it any mind. Then on presidents’ day, a group of us went to see a movie together and got lunch after. While they talking, they get to talking about the friend group and it’s future (i’m not really talking, i’m more thinking about how little i actually fit in with everyone). They’re all talking about how the group members there had either already split or were planning on splitting up with the other members of the group. And at this point, i’m feeling kind of like an outsider, like i’m in this liminal space where i’m friends with all of them, but also like i’m closer to the group i was with then than the other.

Fast forward to March, and i’m at my mid-semester concert for high school band. I’m enjoying myself, having fun surrounded by people i’m friends with. Then, suddenly, without warning, one of the friends leaves the friend group chat. I was the last person to send anything to the chat, and i assume they left because of me, so i deleted the thing i sent. For the record, it was a picture of one of the other members dad, it was a little in joke we had. Eventually i would talk to other people still in it, and i would eventually leave the group chat as well.

At this point, the group is completely split up. And i’m in the middle, friends with both groups while also not being friends with anyone. It makes sense, they were all closer with each other than they were with me, i had been in the group for less than 6 months at this point.

The school year ends, and i spend the summer isolated from my friends. It’s also during the summer that one of the members of the group, a 23 year old who was friends with mainly high school girl, is outed as pedophile, actively in a relationship with one of the groups members. When i find out, i make a snapchat story post about it, to which the person asks me to delete. When i say no, they take it personally and stop talking to me entirely. The only irl interaction i have with any of them is a short conversation with one person when they stumbled upon me taking a walk through town.

The 2023 marching season starts, and i along with my friends are in marching camp. It’s here where i learn of the existence of a group chat between some of the former members of the friend group and some other people. i think nothing of it, i wasn’t as close with that group anymore. Its fine.

Senior year. Early on i learn that the other group has also made a new group chat, with new members. I don’t know when this group was created, only that i was not a part of it. It’s at this point that i start to think something of it, and it starts creeping into my mind that i have fewer friends than i thought. I try to ignore it. Eventually, i break off completely from the worse former members, at the same time that they rekindle their friendship with one of the other former members. I think nothing of it. Luckily i’ve made a new group of friends, and i finally feel like i’ve found a good friend groups. I spend more time with my new friends, and everything is fine.

This is how it goes for most of the rest of the year. i know i’m drifting from my old friends, but i’m okay with it. I graduate, and all is well.

I thought.

Since graduation, i’ve seen my friends once. I’ve had little convos with one of them, often only a few messages. the other i haven’t seen or talked to in over a week, complete radio silence. i don’t know if it’s something i did, or if he just needs some space.

So let’s recap. In three years i went from having 0 friends, to twenty, to maybe three. It hasn’t been great for my mental health, let me tell you.

Hi tumbler, this is secret lore only you guys get to see. This part isn’t going on my instagram. @dixie_.the._pixie #always be plugging. anyway i made this because i saw a post in the r/aspiememes subreddit and it made me think about my friendships. No tags on this one, too personal. that might be ironic, but i don’t care.

[beautifullychaoticworld-blog]

I don't regret going to the university that I went to (I chose to study abroad early on) and the degree that I chose (PR and Media)...

The only bad thing about the uni was that it was a bit outside of town and traveling to the city center was way too long with the bus and they didn't have a lot of societies... but otherwise the course was great and I get jobs in marketing, advertising and general office positions...

I do wish I had made more long lasting friends from that era but now I barely ever talk with anyone from there anymore after I moved back to my hometown for my tumor recovery... I wish I never had to experience prolactinoma but I guess it was fated. I wish I never met some people from that era too lmao. My life would've been easier.

[sadcloudclub]

life happens for you, never to you

I have a nature of “running” away. Yes, I’ve ran away as a teen before, literally. But I’m referring to the “abandon your entire life and go elsewhere” thinking my problems would stay at my last residence. HA. I was so wrong.

I’m not sure I can talk on home or stability because those two things are foreign to me. Despite a very toxic household growing up, on my 13th birthday (wow, the Death card in Tarot just came to mind. Wow.) I pretty much lost everything except the clothes on my back. I’m talking family, sense of normalcy, my toys, house, clothes, etc. It shook me to the core and I was extremely confused. That event forever set my life into an insecure and unstable rollercoaster.

Here I am twice as many years later and finally coming to the conclusion that I need to break this pattern. The pattern of “loss”. I cycle more than a goddamn bike. It’s tiresome and I’m not getting ripped leg muscles from it, so it’s a lose-lose situation. The pattern typically goes: I am able to get a job, take care of my self and build on that. Maybe I get a new place to live, so I’m independent and feeling oh so good! Finances are good, I’m up to date on all payments, and I’m able to treat my self now and again. Of course during all these trials, I am working a job aka under someone else. But regardless I am doing well and feeling hopeful for my future.

Now y’all, bare with me as I’m still unraveling and dissecting this part of me. Trauma comes in layers, like a Tiramisu (just not as sweet). For a few months, sometimes up to a year, I will feel great and all seems wonderful. Somewhere in there, I get triggered. Looking back, maybe I feel overwhelmed with responsibility, maybe I’ve grown tired of answering to someone who doesn’t give a shit about me. Either way, I feel this life is unbearable and without warning I drop. Faint. Collapse. However you want to put it, I quit every thing, entirely, all at once. And yes, I quit my job, terminate my lease (not cheap, and I do not recommend). Pretty much, I abandon ship. (I don’t even like boats.)

This has been a cycle for over 14 years. I’ve moved over 11 times in the past 14 years. To different states across the country. I’ve worked a plethora of jobs from food industry to retail. This constant uprooting leaves me feeling unsafe, as if nothing will last for me. I’m still attempting to retire the idea of “what’s the point” that rings in my head now and again. It felt like no matter where I went, no matter what I did, nothing was mine. No house could be a home. No job could be a career. No friendships would be long term. I felt so alone and lost. Why have me on this planet to feel so hopeless?

This most recent time was like age 13 but on steroids. It’s different losing everything with people, but to lose it all by yourself- to go through that all by yourself. It’s devastating. My closest friend is a state away. My hometown is over 1,000 miles away. When I say “I’m out here” I really do mean that.

I was working what seemed like a promising job but it was getting too toxic. Long story short, they expedited my two weeks (out of retaliation if we’re being 100% honest). Right before then, literally a month before, my car was stolen and totaled. I was living in uninhabitable living conditions that apparently is not a concern to anyone except me. I felt very stuck. My entire world came crashing down on me again. Except this time, I didn’t have a relative I could stay with. I didn’t even have a car to go get groceries with. It was the most trying time and I didn’t want to live anymore (another cycle).

Everyone seemed to flee and no one could help me. There was also the guilt of my situation and me not knowing how to escape it. I had to let my walls down to get support because this felt greater than me. And though I received some help, it still was excruciating. I, too, had to set boundaries/cut off some people due to them projecting my fears back to me. I was already in a delicate headspace but having someone you’re looking to for support say “that won’t work out for you” is a no-go, homie.

During this time of struggle, I said I need to do something to prevent this. You know, when you look yourself in the mirror and say “I can’t keep living like this, I can’t.” (High Fashion x Roddy Ricch). I do not ever want to be in this position again. But in order to end a cycle, you have to recognize why it is repeating. What did I do? The only thing I could- sit with this shit.

I meditated heavily, twice a day for around an hour. I made my self a schedule. I drank tea and journaled about every thing. I talked to my self, out loud. I pulled tarot cards and prayed for guidance. Affirmations became a ritual every morning and as I feel asleep. Losing every thing I had caused me to lose my sense of self. Who am I when my entire identity is stripped away? I can’t look outside my self and expect to receive that answer, because the external is a reflection of my internal. On some “as above, so below; as within, so without” shit.

I realized a few things. One: I don’t want to spend another fucking second working for someone else. Two: I can have the absolute best of the best. I deserve all that good shit. And three: The only thing cock-blocking me from my success is me. No one else matters. With these realizations, I vowed to my self that I’m going to replenish all that I lost but in a more fulfilling way. It’s like clearing house to make room for the upgrades. Think 5 of Cups energy- not all is lost. Because even though my reality was annihilated, my soul desires were able to shine through. I can see now, looking back, that none of that shit- not the job, the car, the people I was surrounding my self with- were in alignment for my higher good. I do believe every soul I cross holds a lesson for me to learn.

It’s been a rigid, bumpy ass ride to where I’m currently at. Shit, might even have whiplash if I’m keeping it real. But I know that how I feel should always prevail over what an external force suggests. At the end of my life, no one will be dying with me. No one will be looking back at my life and regretting the opportunities I missed. I ain’t taking that to the grave, I will not shrink for anyone. I know I am fully capable of achieving every thing I dream of. So if you’ve been stuck/hopeless lately, and if you’ve been drowning in losses- remember that there’s a lesson in this. Breathe, breathe, breathe. A loss is a redirection, which you most likely will not see at the time. You matter and without you here, the whole earth could be thrown off it’s orbit. So hang the fuck in there because we need you.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #180

Who gives the best advice? Mazzy. They are spectacular at balancing realism and the validity of emotions, and is very good at maintaining a neutral, unbiased ground imo.

Is there any band out there that you like every song by them? No. I don't think anyone likes every song by their beloved bands, some are gonna flop for you personally.

What’s the best song a friend has ever introduced to you? I'm not 100% positive, but I think it may be "Terrible Things" by Mayday Parade, which I discovered through Sara. It's one of the songs with the strongest emotional impact on me, like if I'm in a bad enough mental state I'm crying lmao.

Have you ever smoked? No, I've never been interested in doing so.

Does your favorite uncle have any children? Yeah, but what's wild is I don't remember any of their names lmfao, I think it's two daughters??? Maybe a son????

Have you ever been in a lighthouse? No. I'd like to one day.

Name one of your psycho exes? I was the psycho ex.

Why were they a psycho ex? I was very mentally unwell and didn't know how I was going to live without the guy who broke up with me. I'm leaving it at that, I don't like even acknowledging that Brittany ever existed.

Do you still talk to your first crush? No; we're friends on Facebook, but we don't actually talk and haven't for many years.

Where would you like to travel? I'll just list the places I'm rather passionate about visiting, but there's certainly more I'd love to see: Africa (particularly South Africa, but I'd also love to go on a safari of the Maasai Mara or something), Germany, Alaska, Yellowstone National Park, Venice, Iceland, some location with a pink beach, Arizona, and Niagara Falls, probably the Canada side 'cuz I'd really like to visit Canada.

Are you shy about singing in front of people? Yes, I refuse to do it. I barely sing at all in any setting, though.

Do you know anyone who always makes themselves out to be the victim? I don't allow those people to stay in my life anymore. I am very, very, very done with those individuals.

Have you ever been insulted or called names by a significant other? Well Sara certainly has, but not WHILE we dated. Jason's almost certainly spoken with unsavory opinions of me at some point, but that I actually deserved.

What’s your favorite movie battle scene? I have no opinion on this.

Do you have any step-grandparents? Yeah, I guess; my maternal grandmother died a few years after marrying him, 'cuz her previous husband was long, long dead. I didn't know Herb well though, I saw him VERY few times, but he still calls my mom sometimes. He's a sweet man, he's just not family to me, especially when I loathed my mom's mom anyway.

How far away do you live from the house you grew up in? Like, 20-ish minutes.

Have you ever been to a same-sex wedding? No. I would, that just hasn't been something that's occurred in my life.

What’s the population of your hometown? lmfao holy fuck, I knew it was small, but Google is telling me as of '21, it's around 1.5k people.

What’s the most difficult experience you and a significant other have gone through together? Distance I guess, when Sara and I were together.

What’s something you have zero tolerance for? Predatory behavior, especially when it's towards children, but any of it is fucking vile.

When's the last time you said you were sorry? I'm not sure, but I think it was to my mom.

Would you like living on the coast? No, because of hurricanes. They're regular occurrences here, and the coast is always what gets fucking roasted because they get the brunt of it. Flooding is awful.

Honestly, do you enjoy arguing? No, I fucking despise it. My anxiety absolutely explodes.

Which theory do you wish but perhaps not believe was true about afterlife? It'd be lovely if we get to see those we love again and exist eternally with them, but I honestly just don't think that happens. Sure, maybe, I really don't know, but...

Are you scared of losing the person you like to someone else? No, I trust him a lot. He's BEEN cheated on so knows how badly that hurts, I can't imagine him ever doing it himself. I trust that if he started feeling something for someone else, he wouldn't bullshit with me about it.

Do you have a hard time making decisions? YES, I have insane choice paralysis, regardless of how big or small the matter is.

If there was a large spider in your room, would you stay in the room? I'd try to get it out.

What’s your favorite kind of meat? (vegan/vegetarian options count!) Probably chicken.

Have you ever been mistaken for staff at a store you were just visiting? Not that I recall.

What’s the coolest or most memorable animal you’ve ever seen at a zoo? Well memorable for ME was absolutely meerkats; I've only seen them on one zoo visit in the 5TH GRADE. I can't remember their reasoning, but they had to move them to a different zoo. What I think is objectively the coolest thing I've seen was an African elephant very up-close; they have a fantastically massive exhibit, so it was immense luck to get as close to this one as we did, she just strolled by right along the fencing. They also had a leucistic alligator.

Do you share a bedroom with anybody? I mean my snake's terrarium is in there and Roman will usually sleep in bed with me, but I don't share it regularly with any human, just sometimes Girt if he stays the night.

What video game have you played the most hours of? If you don’t know, just make a rough guess. lmfao World of Warcraft, it's not even remotely a competition.

Who will you see within the next week? Actually a lot of people; my nephew's bday party is tomorrow, so I'll see my sister, her husband, and the three kids; Dad will be there and likely his wife Kim, Nick's (sister's husband) parents and some of their relatives, my younger sister, probably Nicole's best friend too (she was Ryder's first crush lol, he loves him some Allison and it's adorable), and obviously some friends of the kids, and some of Ash's and maybe Nick's. I live with Mom so I'm obviously seeing her, and I'll probably see Girt at some point.

Do your parents live in their hometown(s)? lol definitely not, Mom's all the way from New York, and Dad's from Ohio.

Have you ever modeled before? Even if I WAS pretty, I wouldn't. No.

If offered $1 million, would you do a reality show of your life? Ehhh I really don't think I could, my life is SO boring, but I also don't want it public with people to judge me.

Who owns the computer you are on? Me.

What’s your best friend’s favorite color? Teal.

What color was your senior prom dress? Black.

How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2014? I was dating Jason all that year.

Northernmost state you’ve been to: New York.

Think you’ll live to be 100? No, I don't even want to; by that age, I doubt I'd be able to live comfortably. I DO NOT want to rely on others to take care of me.

Which YouTuber do you feel like you could be friends with easily? Shane Dawson or Gab Smolders.

Who do you know personally that has a nice singing voice? My boyfriend.

If you met your favorite musician, what would you ask him/her? I honestly have no idea lol

What's something you used to believe in that you don't anymore? Any sort of loving god that takes care of its creations. Angels, demons. Fate.

What's something you believe everyone should have? A home.

What's the first thing you do once you get home from a trip? Say hi to Cookie and Roman.

Do you listen to podcasts? Which ones? No, I've never been able to stay interested in those long.

What was the last heavy thing you lifted? Groceries.

Do you have an anchor tattoo? No, those don't interest me.

Are your hands unsteady? Yes, I have essential tremors in my hands and sorta my feet too. It's the result of psych meds, like I honestly kinda forget sometimes that pre-medication, I don't think I had them. I might be wrong though.

Do you think you’re pretty? No.

Who do you know that wears the most makeup? Probably my friend Summer, but she's a cosmetologist and VERY good with makeup so it's not surprising.

Are you anyone’s first love? I don't know.

Has anyone ever told you they were in love with you? Yes.

How much does your mother know about your sex life (or lack thereof)? I have very strict boundaries with talking about it with her above anyone else; I do NOT want to discuss it and would really refuse to if she wanted details. The most that she's aware of is that we do "things" but I'm sure as hell not adding colorful descriptions.