#I blame having a lot of long complicated sentences in this one

[victorluvsalice]

Valicer Multiamory Month, Day Twenty: Dancing (All The Fairytales AU)

We're well into Multiamory March (as prepared by @polyamships) now -- and it's time for another edition of "original prompt for this day didn't work for me, so here's one of the alternative ones!" Because while I like "Time Travel" (you all must know by now that I'm a huge fan of the Back To The Future franchise), I couldn't think of anything to do with it in a Valicer/Four Victorians Riding A Roller Coaster context --

Whereas "Dancing"...yeah. That was definitely a prompt that I could fit to my OT3/OT5. XD And, after a bit of thought, I ended up fitting it specifically to the OT5 of my All The Fairy Tales AU, because dancing is very important to that story! There's both a village midsummer festival and a royal ball that everyone ends up attending, after all. And while most people would assume that the royal ball would be the more important dance in a story that's mashes together a bunch of different fairy tales, as Prince Victor Van Dort shall reveal below, that's not necessarily true...

--

Whenever a visiting fellow royal or high-ranking noble asked him when he had fallen in love with his partners (often with eyes full of confusion over the fact that that word was not “wife” and was plural), Victor would always respond the same way: “Oh – it was definitely when we all danced together for the first time.” And this would be accepted with a nod and a smile and occasionally a knowing “ah” noise, because of course that made sense. For all of them knew of the grand ball Queen Nell had thrown when he’d been found after his disappearance post-assassination attempt, and that he’d spent much of that night dancing with three mysterious ladies and the Minister of Joy of Alton Towers. It was only natural that that would be when he fell in love, not once but four times. And so the conversation would move on, and everyone would be satisfied.

What Victor would never admit to these people – mostly because he wasn’t sure any of them would understand – was that the ball was not the first time he’d danced with Victoria, Emily, Alice and Smiler. No, that honor actually went to the Newcrest midsummer festival they’d all attended the night before he’d been discovered. Back when they’d only known him as a fled nobleman’s son now working for the local tavern and boarding house, and he’d only known them as two lovely seamstresses – one soft and gentle, one vibrant and enthusiastic – a sharp-witted dogsbody for the local orphanage, and a golden-tongued fairy with a quick, brilliant smile. The memory was a dear one to him – the five of them spinning and twirling and bouncing in the light of The Wickerman’s magical bonfire (once Alice had been assured it only burned wood and never flesh), the music around them as lively as the laughter that poured from their lips. He’d swung from partner to partner easily that eve, all inhibitions gone thanks to perhaps a bit too much of Smiler’s Joy Serum, taking equal pleasure in how Emily practically glided over the earth, how Victoria made every step look elegant and graceful, how Alice was quick enough to keep up with even the fastest dancer, and how Smiler threw themselves into every motion with open, pure delight. And the way the night had ended, with all of them collapsed against each other, warm and sweaty and smiling...well. He’d looked at them and known in an instant that he could spend the rest of his life with any and all of them. That he’d never know true happiness again unless at least one of them was by his side. And he considered himself extraordinarily lucky that things had worked out so that he was allowed to stay with all of them, and make more moments to cherish. Yes, the ball had played its part in their romance, he’d never deny that.

But if given the choice, he’d relive their true first dance every time.

[mommyslittlebird]

Alright, another professor Wanda drabble because I’m utterly whipped for her.

“I think spoken Russian is going to send me to an early grave,” You complained. “I’m good on the written and comprehension sections but the oral pronunciations…” You groaned dramatically, tossing your ‘Russian 101’ book out in front of you and dropping your arms so you were laying prone on bed.

Wanda picked up the book, reading through the dog-eared page you had been studying. “Is this the one you’re struggling with?” She pointed to one of the longer words at the top of the page. It had been twisting your tongue for hours.

You nodded. Wanda placed the book back in your hands and sat down next to you. “You know all the syllables. Just say it slowly, don’t try to cram the sounds together, just say them one at a time.”

You propped yourself back up on your elbows, squinting and bending forward to study the page. You sounded out the word slowly. Each syllable felt like an entire word of its own. It was by no means an elegant attempt, but it was technically correct.

Wanda slide down on the bed so she could press a kiss onto your lower back. “See?” She said, nuzzling the downward curve of her spine. “You’re getting it. Keep going. Try this one here.” She reached around you to point out a sentence at the top of the next page.

You spoke the words awkwardly and slowly, mentally trying to translate the foreign lettering into sounds. Wanda started tracing her way back up your spine, placing gentle kisses along each ridge.

“You’re a lot better at this than you think you are,” Wanda assured. “I could’ve never guessed this was your first semester taking Russian if I wasn’t the one teaching it to you.”

“Thank you, professor,” you teased. “I believe you’re to blame for my accelerated studies.” You could feel Wanda’s smile curl against your back.

“I suppose that is my job,” She teased, “making sure you excel.”

“Well then you’ll be devastated to know I have someone who’s serving as a terrible distraction to my studies.” You smirked, arching your back against her mouth.

“Mmm,” Wanda hummed. “I’m sure whoever it is knows that you work too hard. And I’d bet she knows that you’re brilliant and you could’ve passed with flying colors without even opening the book.”

“As if she herself isn’t known for working herself to the bone,” you retorted.

“All the more reason to provide her with a wonderful distraction.” Wanda bit gently at the spot your neck met your shoulder. You rolled your head back, mouth falling open in a silent groan. “We can continue your studies, if you wish. Repeat after me: YA ves' tvoy.” (I am yours.)

You reached one hand back behind you, burying it in Wanda’s thick brown hair. You drew her ruby red lips back to your neck, encouraging more kisses and nips from the older woman. “YA ves' tvoy,” you repeated with easy confidence. These words came far easier to you than the long and complicated ones you were pulling from your books.

“You speak beautifully, sweet girl.” Wanda sucked at the skin behind your ear.

Your eyes fluttered at sensation. “Devochka milaya,” you said. “Sweet girl.”

“Mhm.” Wanda did not pull her mouth away from the soft skin of your neck. Your words weren’t entirely accurate, as the adjective came after the noun in Russian, but she was in no mood to be pedantic at the moment.

She adjusted her position on the bed, moving to straddle your hips rather than lying beside you. You whined when she pulled away, already missing the warm breath against your neck. The whines turned into moans when Wanda ground against her hips your ass. “I want to hear you say it again. Tell me you are mine,” she demanded.

You obeyed. “YA ves' tvoy,” you said again. The words came even more natural the second time around. “I am yours. I am all yours, my love.”

“YA ves' tvoy, moya lyubov,” She translated, adding in the ‘my love’.

You giggled. “Do you plan to fuck me until I can recite the entirety of the Russian language?”

Wanda chuckled mischievously, bending so her mouth was mere inches from your ear. “My love, by the time I’m done with you, you won’t even remember English.”

Professor Wanda Collection

[fivelila]

The other side of everything

I think all of you have read the repeated sentences about what's wrong with Fivelila. So I thought I'd write my thoughts on it and maybe some of my headcanon.

1) Age gap

Problem: Ritu is 15 years older than Aidan. Five and Lila have an age difference in both directions, mentally he is much older and physically she is older.

My take: About the age of the actors, I'll say this much - the opposite is so common and many people don't find it strange. For example, did you know that Julia Roberts was 23 when her film Pretty Woman came out and that Richard Gere is 19 years older than her? And I haven't noticed anyone being disgusted by how that's possible. I could find some more extreme differences, but I don't think I want to.

Aidan is 21 and yes, he did TUA when he was younger, but a lot of people still think he's a kid. But no, he's not. Deal with it.

My headcanon: Lila is older than she looks. And that's thanks to the Handler and the work she does for the Commissions. Does any of us know how long has she lived somewhere outside of time? Sounds like another possible parallel to me.

2) Lila was cheating on Diego

Problem: Lila was unfaithful to her husband.

My take: Lila made it clear that she wanted a break with Diego and wanted to reconsider their marriage. Yes, the circumstances ended up being pretty wild, but it was more than obvious that she wasn't happy in the marriage. Among other things, it was over six and a half years for her before anything happened with Five. There are countries where such a long separation between spouses could also help to bring about an immediate divorce if necessary.

I also think that the only thing that connected them the most was their children and not that they were compatible as partners. A completely natural thing that happens really often in real life when someone builds a relationship on desire, which they mistake with love.

3) Five is homewrecker

Problem: Five is the reasons why his brother's family fell apart.

My take: It's not true. Five was not the reason that Lila and Diego had problems in their marriage. Yes, she was still his brother's wife and that's a bit morally grey, but their situation was complicated enough (as I wrote in the previous point) and it's completely understandable. By the way, don't people like this family precisely because their morals are often a bit grey? I guess that's probably only true sometimes, huh?

4) Five cheated on Dolores

Problem: Five was unfaithful to Dolores

My take: Sorry, but this is the biggest piece of shit ever. If someone prefers a relationship that Five made up in his mind just to keep himself from going crazy and heal his trauma, then our fandom isn't the one that's wrong. By the way, if Dolores was real and played by Rachel Delduca, she's definitely older too! I couldn't find the exact age, but it's pretty obvious that she's older than Aidan.

5) Five killed Lila's parents

Problem: Five was the killer of Lila's family and Handler could have kidnapped her. Her family may be alive, but it won't change the past.

My take: Yes, this is about the only thing that could never work in another story. Lila gets her family back, but it doesn't change what happened to her. Still, I think even she knows very well what it's like to work for the Commission and what it was like when an order came down. Handler bears most of the blame, even though she wasn't the one who killed them.

My headcanon: I don't think Lila had clean hands either, though we never really saw that much in the story. Still, even she could have been the murderer of some random parents of some random kids because that was her job. For example, she killed several people on the Commission to get access to past records in the barn, so it would be a bit hypocritical for her to blame others for actions that she herself had done before.

If you have any other thing I should discuss, please post it in the comments, I'll do another post about it.

[everlastingdream]

Part 1 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6

When Alex managed to get Kara to talk, J'onn and Winn was already at the DEO.

Honestly speaking, Kara didn't know herself why everything Lena said upset her so much.

It's not like she was entirely wrong. Lena Luthor was the only sister of Lex Luthor, daughter of Lilian Luthor, so basically it wasn't much of a stretch to assume that she was like them.

"Lena Luthor, 22 years old, claimed to be abducted a month ago after car accident on her way to the National City, reported by her friend and colleague Samantha Arias. She was supposed to move here to take over Luthor Corp after Lex was sentenced to the prison. Right now that is all we know". Alex reported to J'onn while Winn tinkered with something on the table near.

"And no one knows where she is after a month?" Kara asked incredulously.

"No one searched", Alex's grim answer made Winn look up from his ghost vacuum. "Police didn't find anything, and well, they wasn't the most enthusiastic about it. And we were swamped with work even without someone who is not even on the DEO's territory".

"Well, we have time now", Winn shrugged. "We need to find... the body. She has a friend who's worried about her. Friend with a child actually. Lena Luthor seemed close to their family".

They all fell silent. Lena being a ghost didn't gave any positivety to their search.

"Find everything about her", J'onn said to Winn, lowering his heavy hand on Kara's shoulder. It was grounding to feel the pressure unlike usual. "I'll talk with officers and then we'll go to the site".

Kara was stuck between her feelings. She didn't know Lena for long so it was strange to worry for her like that and there was their families' history also, but still. Kara was the only one to see her, the only one to hear someone who was basically kidnapped after a car crush. It was complicated.

"I'll go home for a bit. Maybe... she's there".

/ / / / / / / /

"Lena?"

Kara tentatively asked, walking around her apartment. It was quiet and empty as it was supposed to be.

"We are going to find you", she still said to nothing. "I don't know what kind of person you were but I still want to help you. No one deserves to be abandoned."

Her living room was still empty but somehow it wasn't as cold as before.

"I'll find you. And then we'll talk, okay? Just wait for me".

Flying back to the DEO, Kara didn't know that transperent eyes followed her fluttering cape.

/ / / / / / / /

They left Winn in the building as the support, while Alex was contacting with the police, and went to the place, where Lena was last seen. Of course, no one had much hope, still accident happened the whole month ago, but J'onn decided that with their heightened senses they can still get some clues.

So Kara was looking with her x-ray vision for the parts someone could miss. When she turned it off she suddenly noticed someone standing at the side of the road.

"Lena!" Kara rushed to her, despite J'onn's raised brow.

Lena was standing near some random bush, lost in thoughts.

"You are here! I was afraid I won't see you anymore..." it was a bit embarrassing to admit, but no less true. It was a strange attachment, but Kara blame it on the responsibility she has as Supergirl and as the only person able to see Lena.

"You said you won't give up on me", Lena smiled, but it still lacked the gentle wonder her smiles had the day prior. "I wanted to honor your determination".

"Do you remember something?"

"Just blurred moments. It was a day time, I was driving. Why I was driving myself?" Lena muttered, her gaze unfocused. "Then I was afraid. Something happened, it seems. Then I was in pain. Someone talked to me. Then nothing".

"It's already a lot", Kara almost tried to took Lena's hand, before remembering that it won't work. So she was left awkwardly wringing her hands. "We'll look around some more".

"It'so strange to hear you talking to yourself", Winn intervened in her ear. Kara ignored him.

She left Lena there to tell J'onn (and Winn) what happened, but never once Supergirl took her eyes off her for longer than 20 seconds.

J'onn quietly said that it was fortunate that Lena returned. Kara flashed him a grateful smile.

"Miss Luthor, do you remember if you had any devices on you?" J'onn asked in the general direction of Lena, after the hour of examining every piece of junk they could find in the two mile radius.

Lena's image flickered a little while she was thinking. Kara suddenly thought that if Lena was used to flying, she would've wobbled in the air.

"Well, I think I talked with someone while driving, so the phone, I guess? Also... Something small..." she flickered some more, each time somehow more agitated than last.

"I pressed something while everything was hurting. Something no one would've noticed, something I could press while losing cosciousness..." Lena's form suddenly stabilized. She looked at them with realization.

"I had emergency button in my sleeve".

[enaelyork]

My unwanted husband [A Robotnik x Reader long fic] Intro

my bans come from @saradika

⚡Check my ultimate masterlist here ⚡

⚡Recap post here⚡

Tag list : @kosem-sultan167

Chapter Prompt :

After too much carnage, Y/N is determined to do battle with the Doctor and prepare him a potion that he won't soon forget. But for him to take the bait, she will have to make sacrifices, even if it means finding herself in an uncontrollable situation.

Tw: Alcohol - Toxic trait - Jealousy - Abusive behaviours.

Please take care and read what you want <3

Intro : Trap by her own game

- What is this ?

– A mind stimulator.

Robotnik regarded the strange bottle on his lab table with a mixture of interest and suspicion. The first part of the plan seemed to work wonderfully, but Y/N knew that it was the simplest step and that the rest would require her to use all of her intellect.

Because this little game finally had to end.

The joke had gone on long enough. She had mulled over this revenge for many hours, contemplating the latest carnage that this madman had caused at her work. Hundreds of notes gone in the trash, all because of that damn drone filled with questionable tasting sauce - she suspected it was mayonnaise, the worst of all.

And too much it's too much.

Of course, it was partly her fault that her work ended up in the trash. Perhaps this intrusion wouldn't have happened if she hadn't sabotaged the Doctor's latest prototype herself, programming his robot to spout a stream of insanity in front of Commander Walter. But it wouldn't have happened either if Robotnik hadn't voluntarily replaced her Matcha with an inedible spinach porridge (she suspected Agent Stone of being his accomplice but couldn't blame him completely as his relationship with the Doctor rhymed with toxic).

Robotnik gave her a familiar look, the same one he had given her several weeks ago, when Commander Walter had just pronounced his final sentence.

Collaboration.

Her eyes lingered on this strange character, as distinguished as he was eccentric, and something unpleasant awoke within her. A curious mix of contradictory feelings which led her to the conclusion that a collaboration with this guy could not even be considered in a parallel world.

– I don’t trust you.

– Yet it is the truth. I produced this little miracle, even though you did everything to destroy my work.

She presented him with her proudest smile, the one which tended to make his mustache bristle and which produced in him an aversion which she fed on. Nothing was more enjoyable in her eyes than annoying Doctor Robotnik and her presence here, in his lab, at his table with his assistant had produced the desired effect.

Robotnik glanced at Agent Stone who immediately shrugged his shoulders in innocence. It was clear that he didn't want to be involved in their arguments again. He had already threatened several times to hand over a medical certificate to escape the apocalypse that had reigned in this corridor since Y/N invaded the space.

–And what’s in this mind stimulator? He arches his fingers in the air to make mocking quotes. This arrogant character never missed an opportunity to humiliate her, as if it were his personal fuel.

– An ancestral recipe composed of sugar and plants.

And alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol. But she wouldn't mind saying that. He would understand it later to his cost. This is what happens when you play with fire.

– Plants. He repeated in a contemptuous tone.

– Aconites?

- No.

– Belladonna?

– Guarana. Come on, doctor! Y/N began, faking a mocking laugh. Believe me, the desire to eliminate you tickles me, but if I had to do it I wouldn't act openly.

– This remark does not gain you a single IQ point.

– If you are so clever, taste and discover my genius.

This is where things got considerably complicated. Robotnik wasn't stupid enough to be fooled so easily. He wasn't a genius, he was the genius. The man with multiple doctorates (he had more than her and did not hesitate to tell her so) and an IQ surpassing the established standard (here too, he did not hesitate to point this out). But if there was one thing that Y/N had figured out from the start, it was that there was one area where she beat him hands down.

– No way.

– Are you afraid?

- Afraid ?

She saw the sparkle in his brown eyes. A brown that she had taken the time to detail on the numerous occasions when her irises had crossed his. And this fire which was slowly beginning to consume him pleased her more than ever.

– I'm not afraid of anything.

– Well then, what are you waiting for? You don't risk much with a mind like yours.

– I’m not sure you’re here for my good.

She giggled delicately, one hand raised to her crimson lips. Y/N had always been the type to take care of herself in all circumstances and if she criticized Robotnik and his absurd ways, she had to recognize this similarity with him.

– Honestly, since you sprayed my research with disgusting sauce I no longer want to fight.

– Are you throwing in the towel then?

Come on, it didn't cost anything to admit this defeat to win an even bigger battle. Y/N tried to convince herself, nodding casually.

– I capitulate, indeed.

– I am delighted.

– And it is for this reason that to prove my good faith to you I have come to offer you this and that I would like you to contribute to the experience.

– I will only drink if you do too.

She had suspected this too.

But in the end it was a safe bet that her resistance to alcohol far surpassed that of the Doctor. It was also entirely possible that he would swallow his first sip this very evening.

– Deal

– Doctor, I’m not sure it’s… Before Stone could finish his warning, his nefarious boss told him to get two glasses and fill them completely. This idiot was going to understand that the Doctor was not defied so easily and that she had to pay for it herself. Y/N just gave a shy smile, strategically avoiding Agent Stone's accusatory eyes when she stated that the bottle had to be empty for the effect to work.

- Empty ?

– Totally.

– Well, like I told you. I won’t drink unless you do it with me, Y/N.

This story was going to end completely badly. Stone thought as he watched his boss and his worst enemy down the entire glass in one go. He expected to hear them spit and cough in disgust before insulting each other, but what he saw chilled him with fear. Robotnik licked his lips curiously, as if intrigued by what he had just drunk.

– It’s…rather…interesting.

Sugar producing the desired effect. No one really realized what they were drinking when the taste was masked by sugar. Y/N thought, fully aware that the trap was closing.

– Another drink, Doctor? She hastened to suggest, already pouring the end of the bottle into her Nemesis's glass. Stone had tried to stop him, but Robotnik had violently opposed it.

– She will finish this bottle with me, Agent Stone. Isn't that what she said? It should be empty and I intend for it to be. Right, Professor L/N?

It was at this precise moment that she understood. As the doctor stood there, right in front of her, almost grabbing the bottle from her hands with a mischievous smile. There was already a flash of madness in his eyes that she hoped would quickly devour Robotnik's soul, but above all there was something else, something that made her realize that the trap had not only just closed on him. And when she clinked her full glass against the Doctor's, she definitively buried this descent into Hell.

Hoping that she would manage to keep control of the situation in due time.

[elisysd]

16. I want you to see, how you look to me

Masterlist - Previously - Next

Chapter soundtrack : BIRDS OF A FEATHER - Billie Eillish

He was furious. He had pictured Zandvoort and the second part of the season as some sort of resurgence. A fresh start. A new beginning. In his mind it was supposed to be different. He was feeling happy in his private life, why his professional one couldn’t follow the same path? The worst thing was that he wasn’t furious against his team, no, it was mostly against himself. He just needed some peace and quiet to focus on himself before going to media duties, which he dreaded. He wanted to hide in his driver room, he wanted to brood, just a while. He passed his door right as he felt an anxiety attack coming for him. His throat tightened, making it hard for him to breathe. He tried to cough, thinking it would make everything better when it just managed to make it worse. His vision started to blur right as two arms circled his waist and he felt a head pressed on his back as the sweet perfume of vanilla mixed with lavender hit his nostrils. 

“It’s okay, Charles. You’re okay,” you whispered, scared a sound too loud would scare him or make him spiral. As though he was about to break.  “I’m here for you. Whatever you need, I’ll try to get it.”

“Can you give me a better car?”he asked, a nervous chuckle escaping his lips. 

“That might be out of my hands… sorry,” you pouted, trying to make him laugh for real. “But seriously, I’m here for you. You’ve been there for me when I needed you most, so it’s natural to show up when you’re feeling down.”

“This is the worst weekend of the season. I know I say this every Sunday but this is how I feel. But somehow, you’re making it a whole lot bearable,” he mumbled, burying his head in your neck. “I don’t want to go to the interviews.”

“Do you want to have an interview simulation with me?”

“As long as you don’t hold back.”

“When have I ever held back with you, Leclerc?” you teased him, bumping his shoulders with yours.

Coming back to the hotel with you, he was in a happier mood. Your help before the interviews had been much more useful than Silvia’s briefing and Pierre, his best friend, had earned his very first podium with Alpine after a complicated beginning of the season. In the end, the weekend was not that bad. His first move when crossing the door of his hotel room was going for a shower while he saw you throwing yourself on the bed, exhausted. He felt stupid for not checking up more on how you felt. He knew it had been a complicated day for you as well. He briefly hesitated joining you but he was feeling sweaty and in his own head. He didn’t want to drop his bad mood on you, even unconsciously. 

When he came back, you were sitting cross-legged on the edge of the bed, scrolling on your phone and not caring about his presence. He was sure you hadn’t even noticed him. He slowly approached you, carefully sitting next to you to see a picture of both of you arriving together, hand in hand, in the paddock. 

“Y/N…”

“They are blaming me,” you said, matter of factly, without an ounce of anger or sadness in your voice. “Because of your DNF.”

“It’s stupid.”

“It is. I don’t understand how some people can be so… violent. I’ve done nothing but walk next to you and hold your hand. And here they are calling me nasty names, saying that I only bring you bad luck. As if you had been exceptionally lucky this season… Sorry. How can all of this be my fault?”

Charles saw a tear forming on the corner of your eye and he quickly caught it before pulling you against his side. 

“I was stupid to think we would go unnoticed, that we would manage to stay out of people’s radar. It was naive.”

“If it is too much for you…”

“Don’t you dare finish this sentence. It’s not too much, you’re not too much. Your life is not easy to handle, sure. But I love you. What I feel for you is worth going through that. I just need to get used to it. I knew it was a risk, that being insulted was part of the game even if I don’t understand it. It hurts, I won’t deny it. But I love you. That outdoes the bad sides.” you reassured him, putting a hand on his cheek. 

“If you don’t want to attend Monza, I would understand.”

“I’m going to Monza. It’s your second home race, there is no chance I will miss it.”

“Then, I promise you, you won’t be alone. My mom will come and I’ll make sure you stay by her side.”

“I… I think I would like that.”

Monza was everything you were expecting and more. Sea of red and yellow flags were displayed everywhere. Fans chanted Charles’ name wherever he was going. Autographs and pictures taken every minute of every day. It was exhausting and you were not the one having all these duties. But Charles didn’t seem to look tired, quite the opposite. The more he was seeing people, the more he was excited and the more he couldn't wait to go on track. His goals were clear and he would do anything in his power to get them. That’s why he was absolutely crushed after the qualifying. He wanted to be the one on pole and no matter how much he was happy that a Ferrari would start P1, he would have rathered it be him. 

“You can still aim for the podium, Charles,” you tried to reassure him at the table of the restaurant the team had booked.

“No matter what, I’m proud of you Charlie,” Pascale said, stroking his back as Charles was sighing, defeated. 

“Negotiations for my contract renewal are on pause. Fred wants us to focus on the remainder of the season, he told me it was not his priority. Bu it’s mine. I need to deliver. I need to show Ferrari that I’m still their biggest chance to come back on top. And it means that I have to outperform Carlos. And being P4 while he starts on pole, is not showing that.”

“They know how valuable you are for the team, Charles,” Lorenzo intervened. 

“Do they? Because I’m not sure of that myself.”

You glanced at Pascale who shook her head, clearly disagreeing with Charles’mood. You bit your lips, trying to find the right words. 

“If you are not sure, please look at the crowd. They love you. They trust you. They don’t care which positions you are starting tomorrow, they have your back. Always have and always will. Look at them. Look at us. We love you. We are proud of you. We are with you. It doesn’t matter if there are bumps on the road, we are sticking by your side. And not only us but your dad too, Jules, Anthoine… my brother. We are all here for you. You won’t let us down. I don’t think you could ever let us down, if I’m being honest.”

Charles turned his head in your direction. You could feel how emotional you were. Since the beginning of the weekend, Luc had been on every corner of your mind. You couldn’t help but think of how much he would have loved to be there so you had tried your best to keep engraved in your memory each details you had come across. Your phone was full of pictures of the track, cars, little italian streets, crowds and flags. Charles. Charles in his suit, Charles in his team merch, Charles, half asleep on the hotel bed, Charles and you taking stupid selfie mirrors. You were a lovesick mess, you knew it and you couldn’t imagine what Luc would say about that. You knew he would feel excited and would tease you endlessly. You would have been annoyed, sure, but you couldn’t help to miss it. Missing something that would never happen was a strange feeling, but one you had regularly. 

“I love you,” he simply replied, kissing the side of your head. 

The race went by like a blur. Your eyes, Pascale and Lorenzo’s were glued to the screen as you watched Charles and Carlos battling in a not so clean way. You feared that one of the cars, if not both, were going to get taken out and you knew it would be a disaster. It was the very last thing Ferrari needed for their home race. Thankfully, Charles brought the car home safe but, you knew, deep down, that he would be disappointed and angry. And from what you could read on Pascale’s face, she was thinking the same as you were. 

It took a whale before Charles finally appeared and contrary to what you expected, he was smiling and laughing. You didn’t have time to react when he took you in his arms, spinning you around and burying his head in your neck, inhaling your scent. 

“I’m so happy,” he mumbled against your skin as you ran a hand in his hair. 

“Yeah?”

“It’s been a long time since I felt so alive walking out of that car. This battle reminded me why I love racing so much. The thrill, the danger, pushing the limits… I missed that.”

“So… you’re not disappointed of not being on the podium?” you asked, trying to get a confirmation out of him. 

“Would I have loved winning against Carlos? Of course. But this is what racing is about, you can’t always win. But one thing is for sure, it fueled me with a new desire to be the best for the next races.”

He took you hand in his, kissed his mother’s cheek, promising her to visit her soon and left. The Tifosi were still there, waiting for him and as he looked at you, silently asking for your approval to go and see them, you nodded. 

“Join me.”

It wasn’t a question, it was a need. You followed him as the screams were getting more and more intense and soon, he was totally swamped with pictures, autographs on t-shirts and caps, and gifts handed to him. In front of such euphoria, you came to his rescue, helping fans getting their merch signed, collecting the little books and letters for Charles’ to read later. You could see in their eyes how grateful they were and you tried your best to reciprocate the feeling. When they finally went out of the paddock, you were both tired, but happy. Charles swung his arms around your frame and leaned into you. Once in the comfort of the crowd, he faced you, suddenly serious. 

Here you were, a Ferrari’s cap on your head, eyes shimmering with pride and happiness, rosy cheeks and a smile that hadn’t left since he had come back. It hit him. You belonged with him. You belonged in his life, around his friends and his family, in the garage, in his car, in his apartment. You belonged everwhere he was. 

“I love you,” he blurted out. 

“I love you too,” you replied, your fingers tracing his jaw. 

“No, I don’t think you understand. I’m in love with you. I’m in awe of what you are and I don’t believe that you are mine. There is not one fiber in my body that has fully proceeded that you chose me. But, I swear, If I have to spend the rest of my life trying to be worthy of you, then it is something that I’ll do gladly. I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy.”

“I know. And I can promise you that I’ll do the same. I intend to make this, us, work. Because I truly believe you’re the love of my life, Leclerc.”

That night, as the moonlight was reflecting on your face, Charles couldn’t help a feeling of guilt to snake around his guts. You hadn’t complained about following him around, he knew you were happy with it, but he also couldn’t miss how you had, countless times, glanced at the media section of the paddock and he swore he had caught a look of longing in your eyes. You wouldn’t say it but he knew how you missed your job. And despite saying that you could find something else, that it was all okay, he knew you would never be as happy as you were in a F1 paddock, a media pass hanging around your neck. He was deadly serious when he had told you he would do anything for you. And anything started with talking to your old boss. 

Author's note: And I'm back! It feels good to be there and to finally uplaod. I feel like I haven't done that in ages. I still don't know how regular I'll be so bear with me.

Don't hesitate to leave a comment or an ask, as well as reblogging and leaving a like. Besides the fact that I absolutely love to read you, it helps a lot for the story to find its audience. I also have a taglist for this story, so if you want to be added so you never miss a chapter, let me know.

If you wanna be part of the taglist, let me know.

Taglist: @itsjustkhaos @thirstylion @cmleitora @charizznorizz @sltwins @boherahpsody @herondalism @roseamongthorns13 @aundercover @snowflakesfluff @fictional-l0v3r @queensassybitchsworld @jehun @reengard @valntynebaby

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[bccky]

Souls Intertwined By Fate

Part 4

Pairing: Dean Winchester X Reader

Summary: As soulmates, you can feel the exact intensity of pain as your other half when they get hurt. So what happens when your soulmate literally goes to hell?

Words: 1,588

Warnings: descriptions of death, mention of suicide, angst, full discretion is adviced

A/N: shoutout to my first member on BuyMeACoffee - Em! Thank you so much for your support, you've given me the motivation for this story 😊 // This is where the angst starts guys! Hope you all like this one Xx

Pairing:  Dean Winchester X Reader

<- PART 3

Supernatural Masterlist • Main Masterlist

Souls Intertwined By Fate Masterlist

Then - 

“Please give me a few minutes, Chris, I’ll come find you.” He gives you one final look, asking indirectly if you’re sure, and you nod with reassurance before he leaves.

“So Y/N, is it?” Dean asks, and you bite your lip.

“Yup. I guess we have a lot to talk about.” 

Now - 

“Sure we do. Is he your boyfriend?” Dean asks, glancing at the door that Chris just walked through.

“We have an arrangement.” You shrug, at which he exhales, as if out of relief.

You take a deep breath. “How about we chat somewhere else?”

Dean peers around like he just realized the murky alley you are in. “In the diner?” 

You shake your head. “Nope, lots of nosy people in a small town like this. Are you staying here for long?” 

It’s his turn to shake his head. “We are checking something fishy in the next town, we were just gonna eat and pass this one. Destiny I guess.”

Snorting you think, fuck destiny. You don’t want to make it feel any more real.

“There is a motel next door. Tell Gale my name and get a room for you, my shift ends in two hours.” 

You watch Dean talk for a bit while they eat and then walk out of the diner together, his eyes watching you until he no longer can.

Chris keeps on peeking at you throughout your shift, and you can’t blame him. The way the day had started did not give you a clue on what fate had in store for you.

You find yourself sighing a lot, but still have a fake smile plastered on to keep your patrons happy and get tips. Apart from this, you keep tuning out as you rely on muscle memory for the rest of the shift.

Panicking internally, while you try to be ready for the two serious conversations that are in store for you, and the first comes as you’re cleaning a table at the end of the day.

“Y/N?” Chris’s voice takes you out of your reverie, and you mentally prepare not to cry.

You two are alone in the diner, and although the last few weeks consisted of this alone time filled with kisses, this one is full of uneasiness. You hum and decide to focus on a particularly stubborn spot on the table.

“When were you going to tell me?” 

“Tell you what?” You still don’t look at him.

“About your soulmate.”

The dryness of your mouth is a telltale of your anxiety, and you gulp before answering. “I talked to him for the first time today.”

“And I’m sure it won’t be the last.” 

The crack in his voice finally makes you swivel and meet his gaze, seeing him to be on the verge of breaking down and your heart officially breaks for the first time.

“Chris, come on. I am not going anywhere” You keep the rag down, wipe your hands and close the distance between you before cradling his face.

Although you know that sentence holds no weight, all you want to do is comfort the guy who has opened his home and heart for you.

He kisses the palms of your hands as his hands encircle your waist. The way he tugs at you to get you just that little bit closer tells you that he doesn’t want to let you go, but he's made up his mind to.

“It’s not that complicated,” You try to interrupt him, but he shushes you with a kiss before continuing. “And you don’t have anything to explain. You met your soulmate, and you deserve to be happy with him.”

His intense blue eyes stare deep within your soul, and you’re afraid he’ll see how downright scared out of your wits you are.

“I have the option not to be with him, I’m pretty happy with you.” You say, and there are tears glistening in his eyes, threatening to come out.

You try to pick words that will minimize the hurt, but you know there’s not much you can do. It’s his way of saying goodbye, his way for closure.

“You’ve thought about this, haven’t you?” You ask in a lighter tone.

“I have. It’s not like I could just not pay attention to your little gasps at odd times.” He says. “You should tell Dean not to get into trouble so much, seeing as it hurts you too.” 

You giggle, as if you could tell a hunter to stay safe.

“I don’t deserve your kindness, Chris.” You mutter, and the dimples that you like so much appear on his cheeks.

“I just knew this day would come sometime or the later, I just hoped it wouldn’t be so soon.” 

This man has literally changed the way you see love, and if you hadn’t been so blinded by your quest to stay hiding from your soulmate, you would have realized it sooner.

“Besides,” he begins again, “I’m glad you found your soulmate before I found mine, it would’ve been harder for me to let go.” 

You and me both, you reply internally. But you settle on saying, “You are making it harder right now.” 

Chris chuckles, “it’s alright. I’ll be fine. Promise me you will take care.”

“Don’t say it like we’ll never see each other again,” you hit him softly.

“I have a feeling we’ll be very different people if we ever do.” He tightens the hug and you wrap your hands around him. “Go now.”

For the very first time since you’ve met Chris, he’s the first one to let go in a hug - and you don’t let go until you feel ready, the cloth of his shirt getting wet with your stray tears.

The walk to the motel has worn you down, but you know nothing can be harder than what you’ve just given up on with Chris.

Gale gives you a side eye when you ask where the two guys are situated. You pay no heed, just walking on towards Dean’s room and taking a deep breath before knocking.

“You’re here.” Dean says when he opens the door for you, and you muster up a smile.

“I’m here.” You repeat. 

He moves to the side, letting you in his two singles room.

Everything is clean and the beds made, like they haven’t used it at all, and the man with him is nowhere to be seen.

“You’re alone?” You ask, just to make sure.

“Yeah, Sam went out for a run.”

“Is he your partner?” This question echoes the same conviction like one he had asked about Chris.

He shakes his head with a disgusted look while leading you to sit on one of the beds before sitting opposite to you. “He’s my younger brother, we hunt together.”

“I see. So-”

“So-” You two start simultaneously, and laugh.

“You first.” Dean insists.

“Okay,” You bite your bottom lip, not knowing how he was going to take this, especially with the glance at your lips, but you have to say it. 

“Listen, Dean. As glad as I am that we found each other,” No, it’s all a lie. I wish we never met. “I cannot commit. I don’t want to be in a relationship.” I’m scared of getting hurt.

Seeming disheartened, he averts his eyes, “I understand. Where do you want to go from here?”

“I honestly don’t know.” You respond, “I mean, we can start from being friends? Get to know each other?”

You don’t know why but you feel like you owe him that much. 

Or rather, you owe it to Chris to try at the very least.

But when you had met Dean a few hours ago, there was a shine of hope and excitement in his eyes on finally finding a soulmate which you knew you never had. 

“I can work with that.” There is a flicker of a smile on his face. “So, not in the hunting game anymore?”

“Nope, had some personal reasons.” I met you. “I think I want to get in again.”

 “You can join us on this one.” Dean suggests, his hands fumbling with the buttons on his flannel. 

“Sam won’t mind?” 

He snorts, shaking his head. “He won’t.”

“So I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then?” You get up, straightening out your clothes.

“Sharp at 9. Looking forward to it.” Dean gives you a toothy smile.

When you pull the door close behind you, you hear a soft murmur of ‘Looking forward to it… Couldn’t think of something better? Dumbass.’

You make the short walk from the motel to your shared apartment with Chris which is pretty much uneventful. But then, when you’re walking up the stairs, you end up meeting him just as he’s walking downstairs.

You’re both awkward as you stop.

“I - uh, saw your stuff was still in.”

“Yeah, I’m leaving tomorrow morning.” You look him up and down, wanting to remember him as he is for as long as you can.

There he stands, a good foot taller than you, in his usual jacket over a printed T-shirt style. A smile that was usually goofy was replaced with one tinged with sadness, one that didn’t reach his beautiful blue eyes as you are used to.

“You take care now, Y/N. And you can leave the keys next to our bed when you leave.” 

“Of course,” you nod with trepidation.

Chris takes your hand in his, and it’s when you notice the night bag on his shoulder. “Y/N just… Please don’t forget me.”

“I don’t think I can even if I wanted to, Chris. What you gave me, what we had, was special.” You try to soothe him with a quick squeeze.

With a last peck as he crosses you, he exchanges way more emotions than words ever could and finally bids you farewell. 

Part 5 (Coming Soon on Tumblr/ Read it on BuyMeACoffee Now!)

I’d love to hear what you think of it! Please like, reblog and comment to let me know Xx

I just started a BuyMeACoffee Page where you can read Chapter 4 right now! Its kind of an emotional one where you have a difficult conversation which will determine where you will go from here.

My Page also has the first chapter of a new Dean Winchester X Reader story with the following summary:

Best friends Dean and Y/N navigate a world of supernatural challenges and unspoken feelings. Sam, the ever observant brother, and Cas, the ever puzzled angel of the lord, discreetly encourage their romance through late-night talks, teasing, and shared hunts. As tension builds and emotions simmer beneath the surface, their journey unfolds through this story.

READ IT HERE- SECRETS OF A HUNTER’S HEART

Find out what else I offer on my buymeacoffee page - HERE

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Tags in reblog, please reblog this fic if you wanna be tagged in the next part Xx

Thank you so much for your support ♥

Yours Truly,

Vee 💕

[sambhavami]

Obligatory note: It's been a long time since I read the actual text...and this was originally written for me to hash out some character relationships stuff for my fictional works. :)

Now, welcome to my personal conspiracy-headcanon mashup. To understand Arjun/Bheem's reactions we need to understand Yudi first, right?

During the Dyuta Sabha, the Ps had a lot of things going on. To blame what happened entirely on Yudi's gambling would probably not be fair. As others here have pointed out, they were cornered both physically and politically (especially with Krishna very perfectly, for the Ks, locked in a deadly war).

Many people think (me included, up until a few months back) that Yudi's a weaker character, controlled entirely by Krishna, and that he sort of falls apart when Krishna isn't around. But, that isn't entirely true. Yudhishthir is remarkably smart. His only problem in this regard is that he associates the greatest with Krishna, the record-smashing, powerhouse of a politician, who dwarfs everyone else simply by being in the room.

Hence, the only times we get to see Yudi's strategies playing out independently are during Varnavat, and Dyuta Sabha (Vana Parva shows his standalone intelligence, and Udyoga Parva features his farsightedness).

During Varnavat, when they are leaving...this is a small detail, but Yudhishthir creates a proper ruckus before they leave. He's crying and sobbing, he's falling on everyone's feet- solidly weirding out at least half of the extended family elders...as one writer so eloquently put it: like 'a bride on her bidai'.

Point is, Yudi smells out that something's wrong with this sudden all-expenses-paid trip, even before Vidur gets to him with his hints and stuff. What Yudi is doing here is that he is acting weird (and loud) to the point that even a commoner seeing their chariots from afar would notice something's fishy.

Yudi's style is always to play the long con. And he values the common man. Rather, he knows the value of public support. This is something even Dury values, but his method of securing said support is just to throw money at them mostly.

Yudi always wants to make a more permanent impact in this department.

You remember how in Varnavat, Kunti leaves a nishada mother and her 5 sons to die in the fire? I was thinking, did Yudi not inherit even 1% of that steadfast (cruel?) determination? (I mean Krishna is Kunti's suyogya nephew in this regard!). Yudi sure didn't object to his mother's plan then.

Then, after Draupadi's swayamvar, Yudi is the one to recognize the seeds of discord b/w the brothers, and nips it in the bud by using Kunti's words. Once Krishna is in the picture, we see Yudi kinda sorta let up, he lets Krishna make some executive decisions regarding Indraprastha, and the rajasuya. Obviously, he trusts Krishna fully, and even Krishna gets the time to really recognize Yudi's subtle undercurrent-ish strategies.

So, it's not totally weird that the younglings trust him so much. The dice game might have activated Yudi's gambling issues exacerbated by his somewhat compulsive desire to be polite at all costs, but he wasn't rendered completely senseless.

On IF I saw one member theorizing about how Yudhishthir is phrasing sentences when the guard is sent to Draupadi at first. It's like he's almost sending a message to Draupadi.

Combining the above, with my own little theory here...Yudi realised pretty much immediately that he is walking into a trap, and so walk he did. He had faith that even if his brothers (and wife) were furious with him, they would still not react, and let Yudi play it out first.

The seeds of Kurukshetra were sown generations back. If we want to push it, we can push the origins of this conflict to the very first Deva-Asur war itself!

Even in their generation they had Krishna and Jarasandha, Drupada and Drona, Kauravas and Panchalas, the growing intra-Yadav complications, the Kaurava family matter, and so many other such conflicts. The world was already barrelling towards the mega-war at record speed. With Krishna and Drupada aligning themselves with the Ps, and Duryodhana rapidly filling the vacuum left by Jarasandha, Yudhishthira would also have guess that the war would happen in their lifetime. And in this uber-polarized situation, situated right between Krishna and Duryodhana, Yudhishthira would definitely end up in the middle of all of it.

When Yudi found the war to be inevitable, he gave up trying to really stop it and instead focused on how they could come out of this smelling like roses. In case of war, Yudi was never getting Dury's loyal vassal kingdoms. Obviously! And Krishna had antagonized more that half of the subcontinent while fighting Jarasandha (none of whom would fight on the side of Krishna's friends!), so Yudi wasn't getting them either! Then, the only remaining option was to somehow drag the sort-of neutral kingdoms into this mess.

The neutral kingdoms all had remained neutral for a reason. These people never really got involved in anything. The only thing that would drag them in, would have to be something outrageous. Something, that no conscientious person/kingdom could ignore. Something like a royal woman being assaulted mid-sabha. Something that would hit two birds...force the neutral kingdoms to choose a side, and irrevocably tip the public opinion in the Pandavas' favour.

If Yudi pushed Draupadi into this intentionally, then he was also ensuring that the Kaurava soldiers would fight against, but with a broken heart all that time, just like the elders of the family (and consequently will be about half as effective).

Now obviously, this is just a theory, and I'd be a lot more afraid of Yudi if this were indeed true. However, it is still fun to imagine, and I can't resist that!

But then, when Draupadi asks Yudi directly if what he did was legal or not, he stays silent. See, normally, Yudi LOVES a good debate. If he had genuinely thought he was right (or at least legally in the clear) in doing what he did, he would argue with Draupadi to the end of the world, but he doesn't!

Again, Draupadi is a legal genius herself, there's no doubt about that. So, when Draupadi is asking that question, she isn't actually asking the question. Draupadi is only further appalled when nobody acknowledges that she's right in saying that Yudi had no right to stake her. A law after all, is only a law if the wider society agrees that it is. In Drau's case, no one had the guts (except Vidur and Vikarna) to stand with her and support the law that she cited.

Maybe, Yudi had anticipated this would happen? That the Ks would let their animalistic side win over the logical one, and dig themselves a hole they can't really climb out of? But then again, I would be very scared of the man, then.

Coming to the brothers' loyalty. Obviously, they've (and Draupadi) lived with the intelligent Yudi for a long time. Long enough to know how he plays his game, and even if they don't like his approaches, they know that it will still help them achieve their final goal, which is to obtain and then stay on the throne of Hastinapura (the staying part they can't do without solid public support in the long run).

As for how much they value Draupadi, I think the brothers have proven themselves several times after that. Bheem a little louder, Arjun a little quieter, but they have.

[ask-postcrash-curly]

(Another message from J. You have slight trouble reading the letter due to entire sentences being scratched out.)

Hello Curly. Please don’t be alarmed when I say this Please forgive me for what I’m about to say Please please please Please don’t blame yourself for what comes next. I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry Curly. Things are about to take a turn for the worst. I just wish I could save you, save everyone think you should prepare yourself. Something is going to happen it’s Anya oh Anya and I want you to know if our… ‘connection’ gets temporarily severed, everyone here is still with you. Even if you can’t hear us we’re still here. I swear we’ll never leave you behind.

I’m sorry if I’m scaring you but I don’t know if your mind will ever recover you’ll be able to continue living without us. I want you to even though I’ll miss you. I want you to learn to live for yourself. I don’t think it matters to me anymore whether you are guilty or innocent. As long as you promise to be better for others as well as yourself then that’s all I ask of you. I knew you were a fighter Curls! :>

Even though you never got to meet them my sisters Esther and Eve would like to wish you the best! All three of us have faith in you! Well. Two of us. We have some songs to get you through this won’t help nothing can stop what’s about to happen and I hope you’ll enjoy them as much as the ones I sent you in the past.

rises the moon

Tom the Model

Welcome to Lady Hell

love theme

Spare Hearts

Main Theme

Well, that’s all I have time for right now. Just know that you are loved Curls. I’ll be waiting on the other side.

I love you. Jezebel

For Anya

Hello. ...Oh, great, you're being ominous too. Wonderful. Right, yeah, if the connection is severed it'll... un-sever, it'll be fine, nothing to worry about. And it won't be my fault, clearly, if all of you know about it beforehand. The third party did say that wouldn't happen. Sorry, sorry. Thank you for not leaving me behind, at least.

...When I'm better, sure. And if you were to disappear now, I'd certainly want to die, but I'd have no choice but to keep living. I'll make it through. Don't... disappear, though. I'll do my best to be better for others. And... myself. But c'mon, I'm no fighter here.

Tell them thanks from me! And thanks for these songs. All right, let me have a go...

First one's lovely.

Second's a little unnerving... Not bad, though. These were from... Eve, yeah? Thank you, Eve.

I like the sound of this one. Lyrics, not as much, I'm afraid.

Fourth's nice. Peaceful. Thank you, uh, Esther.

Mm. This one's... complicated, to me. Think I like it, though. Mostly.

...This last one's, uh... I'm not sure how to feel about this one. It's... familiar, I guess, though I don't think I've quite heard it before. Not sure what I mean by that, honestly. Thank you anyways.

Lots of love. Still not buying the other side bullshit though.

[m0nost4tic]

not super sure how to open this, buuut i was scavenging my brain for characterization on langris vaude - planning a long-term project for after my surgery and finishing that magluck fic i started - and i figured now's a better time than ever to textpost my long, complicated thoughts on langris vaude and finral roulacase's relationship from langris' pov (in specifically episode 80 bc i cut this short)

so. here's my unmedicated adhd rambling at two in the morning!!!1!

to be completely and entirely honest, the very first time i encountered langris' character, i didn't particularly care for him. i can't actually remember exactly why that was - maybe just his overall attitude rubbing me the wrong way, or an incorrect presumption that he was written similarly to other unnecessarily cold noble characters.

yeah. yeah i was VERY much wrong about that. and he ended up shooting up to easily one of my favorites the moment i gained even a fraction of media literacy

i think one of my biggest changing moments for him was, miraculously, the same exact scene i'm certain a lot of other people hate(d) him for—the infamous swiss cheese-ing of finral.

primarily due to these two lines;

the first time i watched this scene, i missed it. didn't think much of it at all.

second time, i asked—who is he talking to?

the first half obviously comes from his inner dialogue and his reflection on his childhood; how his viewpoint and perspective of finral (and, in ways, the world around him) was formed.

and, given the scene's context, it can be assumed the "disappear" was directed toward finral. it was spoken the moment he raised his hand after all ... right?

unfortunately, i present: the ellipses. the unfinished sentence. the static distortion used to transition the scene.

i personally believe the line was directed at both of them, precisely because of langris' understanding of their youth.

the best terms i can think of to describe their childhood dynamic are the roles of the golden child and scapegoat child.

simply put, a "golden child" is often hailed within the household; they're excessively showered with praise and affection, and parents can even live vicariously through the child.

the flip-side of the golden child is the scapegoat—the one frequently blamed for the family's shortcomings, often talked down upon and scolded, and whose mistakes are amplified as if under a magnifying glass.

these are both forms of abuse that often go hand-in-hand. after all, a golden child won't exactly know they're the light of the house if there isn't someone else to fall, will they?

younger langris had learned, through finral, that being anything less than perfect or doing good enough by his parents meant shame. it meant disappearing in the eyes of his family. he started to look down at finral, same as them, because that's just what he was taught. finral was less than, tossed aside; his failures were what defined him.

and langris cannot let his own failures and incompetence define him. he even says it himself--he believes the reason his parents were nice to him was precisely due to how he was viewed as the competent one;

langris also further questions why finral's nice to him. why it's him, of all people. it made sense when his parents were kind — again, he was the better kid, the one who didn't consistently fall too short — but why was finral, the laughing stock of the family, nice? he hadn't any reason to be.

and why did it appear to upset langris in that scene? with the distressed frames and distortion of these memories happen after that realization?

in some way, i think finral being nice was an attack to what langris knew. threatened to redefine this understanding of "being good enough = good treatment," and may have even partly taken it as pity or similar.

finral's self-esteem isn't the greatest in the world, and my view? i don't think langris' is all that big either.

i mean, sure, he's on his high horse a portion of the time, but often narcissistic behaviors are rooted in a need for control and understanding. their heightened self-perception is fragile, and even the smallest of blows can tear that down. ... similar to what we see in this exact episode, if we disregard the whole "elven influence" portion (which i could write a whole other essay on tbh but that's not the point of this one i fear)

there's also the whole.. section on langris interpreting most people as disliking him, especially looking downcast and feeling off when he was a kid and realizing that even lady finnesse didn't particularly care for him much. and yet finral - FINRAL - was nice to him. and that likely damaged his ego more than anything, just fueled to that same bitterness he harbored years later.

hell, i'd even dare say finral's leaving could have easily been viewed as some kind of abandonment. finral confirms he and langris never fought as kids, not really, and if finral really was one of very few people who were kind to him in spite his tendency to look down on others - then how alone did langris feel after finral left?

and how suffocating did his family expectations become afterward, now that there wasn't a "set example of what NOT to be" anymore?

aannnyywho, bit of an awkward place to leave this, but it's now four in the morning and i've been on/off adding to this while speaking to family. prooobably best i put this down for now and tend to duties such as SLEEPING. if i think of more later, i'll add

toodles!

[bravecrab]

I saw The Rule of Jenny Pen in the cinema last night and I have thoughts

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

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.

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.

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The Rule of Jenny Pen is a harrowing, brutal film, advertised as a horror or at least a psychological thriller, and it is definitely harder to watch than the average film of either of those genres.

Set in an old folks home, The Rule of Jenny Pen follows Stefan, a man recently thrust into needing assistive care due to suffering a stroke. Life in the home is bleak, the reality of deteriorating physical and mental capabilities of old age on full display. It's stated early on that this is not a high end home, and the residents seem to be largely discarded by society and their families.

However it gets worse for Stefan when he gets the attention of Dave Kreary. To be succinct, Dave is a bully. As simple as that. He terrorises the other residents, especially Sonny, who Stefan has been roomed with.

I'm not going to go through the plot beat for beat, I recommend watching it even though it is a brutal watch. It's not a gore fest, but the depiction of abuse is grounded in reality, which makes it so punishing.

What I want to talk about is how timely this film feels to me. Dave Kreary feels like so many of the bullies in our present moment; Trump, Musk, or any other far-right ghoul you can name. He's cruel, and doesn't really seem to aspire to much more than the cruelty. An obvious villain. However it's the combination of Dave Kreary with the ever-useless and unhelpful staff of the home that really feels like the current moment.

There's an early moment in the film in which Stefan, pre-stroke and working as a Judge, while sentencing a child abuser, goes off at a woman who we have to assume is the child abuser's wife. As the child abuser is being sentenced, she is weeping and thanking Stefan for the justice, but Stefan believes she shouldn't be thanking him and that she should be begging forgiveness for her complicity in the crimes of this abuser. It's a moment of victim blaming, not seeing this woman being as much of a victim as her children, and the complications of being in an abusive situation, isolated with no way out (something Stefan will learn about later). So when he's berating this woman, he talks about the law of the jungle, along the lines of "without the lions, the hyenas will run rampant".

This line feels important. Stefan in that moment sees himself as a lion, the child abuser as a hyena, but there's the unspoken third category, the prey. It's only when he's at the mercy of Dave Kreary, that Stefan gets the perspective shift that sometimes the lions don't care about the prey.

The absence of intervention by the staff at the home feels a lot like watching neoliberal opposition parties, so-called progressives stand idly by as fascists enact violent policy against the most vulnerable of our communities. Their toothless actions are almost upsetting as the violence. Not only that, it is revealed at one point that Dave used to work at the home, a long standing member of this institution, and seems to avoid any semblance of scrutiny. He is one of them.

I must bring up that for the majority of this film, Stefan is a misanthrope. He looks down on his fellow residents. He sneers at the weakness of Sonny, as he is violated by Dave. However it is only when they work together, that Stefan and Sonny can rid themselves of Dave.

Collective action with our neighbours instead of wishing and preying for assistance from a ruling class that has long since shown itself as uncaring, to defeat fascists, is very timely advice.

[starwalkertales]

Fic Tag Game

Thanks for tagging me, @veloursdor!!! That is an interesting one! 😘

So, let's see...

How many works do you have on ao3?

9 at the moment, with one idea in a draft folder -- no idea, if and when I will post it.

2. What's your ao3 word count?

oh gosh, I need a calculator... 246.827, holy shit...

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Star Wars -- Obikin, definitely my OTP 😍😍😍 When I was younger, I wrote for Harry Potter (years ago!) and Sherlock

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

1 Heal with 590 kudos... definitely my most popular work so far. Thank again to everyone reading it and leving kudos/comments. I love you guys. Oh, in this story, Obi-Wan can't leave Anakin behind after their duel in Episode 6 of Kenobi and gets to helping him out of that suit!

2 Missing with 397 kudos in which Anakin got amnesia and flirty heavily with Obi-Wan after Rako Hardeen incident.

3 What you wish for with 334 kudos in which Obi-Wan touches a Sith holocron and develops some (for Anakin, sexy) Sith-qualities 😉

4 There is passion with 306 kudos, some sex-spice makes Obi-Wan hot for Ani...

5 Krayt's son with 253 kudos, in which Anakin is raised a Sith and meets Jedi Obi-Wan

5. Do you respond to comments?

yes, yes, I always do! I love your comments and the chats that sometimes come with them!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

My fics tend to have a happy ending... I want fluff and happy in my imagination. Life is shitty and hard enough some times...

7. What's the fic your write with the happiest ending?

Mh, all have a happy ending actually. But I think Building Dreams was really fluffy!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Just for one fic; There is passion. One person once bitched about it being Obikin, accusing it of being incest.

Luckily, nearly all other replies are very nice. I love you all fic readers and comment-writers! 😍😍😍

9. Do you write smut? What kind?

I do, not in all fics, though. It's Obikin smut. Mostly not too kinky, but I feel I should venture into that field more often...

10. Do you write cross-overs?

No.🤗

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I am aware of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Also no. I could translate them on my own, though, but English is more common among readers than my mother tongue.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Not with Star Wars. I've done that once, years ago with a Harry Potter fic.

14. What's your all time favourite ship?

Obikin 😍😍😍

15. What's your WIP you like to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Well, my longest WIP (and also oldest) is What you wish for, but I do hope I will finish it eventually!

16. What are your writing strength?

Oh, I don't know... maybe the readers could tell me, what they like the most? For me it's hard to find time to write, so whenever I am in the mood, I can write pretty much in one sitting, but often, it's hard and it takes hours to finish a page.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Write short sentences. I tend to make them too long and too complicated -- my mother tongue is to blame!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Oh, difficult question. It makes it hard to follow and I find it not very elegant to have translations in the notes below. I find it cool though, if you have one part of the dialogue in, say, Huttese, and the other part in basic (English). That way, you can guess the meaning. So, yeah, for Huttese or Mando'a, I like that for half a dialogue. I don't like it much, when I have to scroll down all the way to see translation to know what's going on.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter -- many, many years ago

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Mh, I do love Heal, because I find it fascinating to explore Vader and the suit. But I also loved Tempestas -- in which Anakin (19) traveled back in time to meet Padawan Obi-Wan (25), lots of trouble!

21. What fic would you love to rewrite some day?

Thank you @wibzenadarksiderwithasoftheart for making up this great question and letting me use it, too ❤

Definetely There is Passion. I love the concept, the whole fic was born from the idea "if you ever had sex with a force sensitive, you simply cannot settle for any non sensitive person", which is really problematic for Ani to enjoy his time with Padmé after Obi... It was only my second fic and I got intimidated by criticism of it containing non-con elements. Now, I would be more confident with the whole topic and hope, I will come back to it some time and rewrite it.

Thank you so much for tagging me, I loved that!!!!

So, no idea: everyone who wants to do this and hasn't already, please be free. You are hereby tagged!

Aaaaaaaaand I am tagging people who liked this 😁 @grapenehifics @underacalicosky @wibzenadarksiderwithasoftheart @mischievouschan4

[suckmybigtoeoikawa]

I don’t usually make requests and I hope your not too busy or that this rest bothers you, but could you maybe make Jesse (4*Town) fic inspired the lyrics or Me and your Mama as angst or if that makes you uncomfortable ( or you simply prefer the other option), a Jesse fic inspired by the Lyric of See you again by Tyler the creator?

OK PLEASE I HAVENT EVEN LOOKED IN MY INBOX, IM JUS NOW SEEING THIS!!

@skiedrr

See you again

“will I ever see you again?” “I don’t know y/n”

Jesse enjoys having your around.. he swear he does. he takes you on trips, he introduced you to his kids, you even got to meet 4town, his mom, dad and even his girlfriend. Although he loves you, he can’t help but admit he loves his actual girlfriend too. He’s made it very clear to you (without him actually saying) that you’re the bottom bitch, and you just have to deal with it.

Don’t get me wrong he enjoys your company.. He truly does but whenever you ask him to break up the the so called girlfriend he actually “loves”, he just gets defensive and retaliates. It’s as if he’s almost tries to blame you for being with him, while he has a girlfriend. And usually when you do get into arguments about the girlfriend, it’s loud and fiery and goes in this cycle: argue, apologize, sex. It’s been like this for about..like.. 2 years.

“i just don’t understand, Jesse”

“what do you mean?”

“I don’t understand why you’re still with mina”

this same argument again. Jesse even knows the cycle by now and he’s just ready to fuck and get this over with.

“Babe please can we not do this right now.”

“No, please, i’ve been asking for so long now and you don’t give me a straight forward answer”

he just looks at you. nothing to say. nothing.

“let’s not do this right now, babe”, he says with his voice getting sterner.

You guys just came back from a dinner date, and while you were there some fans came by asking about mina. Immediately you were hurt, you often felt like mina was prettier than you, and it hurt to see Jesse trying to hide you like he was ashamed of you. Didn’t he love you more?

“Jesse-”

“y/n can we please just not, we’ve already had a good time out already, and you wanna just ruin it with some random bullshit. cut it out.”

there he go talking to you like you’re one of his kids.

“Jesse, im not even asking for much..”

“but you are.. what’s happening between us and mina is complicated, okay? he says emphasize you and him “And I don’t feel like dealing with this right now, baby, can we please just do something else”

you’re feeling so guilty about arguing with him right now. He often emphasized how tired he was between his job and his kids, the last thing you wanted to be was a burden. but isn’t there enough time to have this conversation? isn’t it worth it?

“No i want to solve this, right now. I’ve known you for way to long for—” mid sentence he began to walk off into his bedroom. “Jesse, where the fuck are you going i’m talking to you!”. He just says nothing. “Jesse what happened, im just tired of wondering when you gonna call me back, or let me know when you’re thinking about me, do you even understand how that feels?!”

you find him seated at the foot of the bed hunched over with his hands on his face. “Y/N, if you want to bitch and moan you can leave”

…

“jesse..”

“y/n..you can leave and not call me back”

“jesse, no.. this is irrational of you.. this doesn’t make any sense”

“y/n, if you honestly feel the way you feel right now.. then just leave.. right now” he shrugs as if it was simple, as if he hasn’t marked and changed 2 years of your life. “y/n you’re just simply asking for a lot right now as if I haven’t been risking my reputation for you”

“what do you mean i’m-i’m just trying to understand you..” you’re holding back tears and slowly raising your voice “ i knew you.. i know you, you’ve been so distant from me and you’ve been hiding me and fucking using me.. all i’m asking from you is to open up..”

“y/n, please.”

“please i love you.. you know me”

“stop with that I love you shit.. okay”

at this point you’re crying. everything hurts. all of the times ans moments you’ve shared with each other werent truely werent significant enough in his eyes. you still ended up in his bed later that night but the mind numbing ideas and beliefs about wanting to know him more and have this meaningless sex turn into a beautiful relationship plagued your mind. because hell, Jesse was your dream dude. But at some point you need to wake up and realize, that you were the bottom bitch that wanted more.. and truth be told what did you expect? Love was not an option for you and Jesse no matter how many times this nigga crossed your mind.

***

ion even write angst , soooo if this isn’t the best MBBB 🤭🤭

and they way this took me eons to respond back to

[ratsoh-writes]

heyyy I saw the matchups (ALSO WHAT IS THAT PFP 😭😭😭✋/positive)

here’s a little Cali description (I’ll skip physical features for another, long long time) there’s will come in long dabbles. If you don’t like it, the entire paragraph should be summed up in the first sentence.

Personality: Cali is.. dull? Her personality consists of just.. one trait? She’s just kind, her overall goal in mind is to make someone smile, whomever she may be talking to. Doing this means she changes her personality a bit for each person y’know how it is. Especially if she likes the person generally. Only once you’re able to get her to feel comfortable she’ll be the very weird person she is. She sends memes to her friends, odd.. is a way to describe it. She works better underprepared and under pressure. It’s very complicated but if she knows nothing about what the task is, she does it better? Because if she doesn’t know how to do it correctly she’ll feel obligated to learn as quickly as possible and get it done? If Cali knows how to do something, it’s more of a chore than a challenge. Her biggest weakness is how kind she it, it’s hard for her to say no and she gets burnt out doing all these favors that she agreed to. She’s a people pleaser through and through.

pet peeves/deal breaker: a big one is interrupting her when she talks, it gets bad. Growing up she was always sorta interrupted so after a few times she gets emotionally upset! That being said she’s quick to tears, it just happens with all emotions for her. She resorts to sadness/discomfort it many situations. A dealbreaker is someone who finds that as weakness or a negative trait. She is learning to live with being able to sort through she emotions and knowing how she feels. So someone pushing down her feelings is a big no-no. People who are tall and are kind to her, as in. She feels pitied on.. or something. It genuinely makes me upset and mad when someone a full foot taller than me takes pity to me. it makes her mad too. She can handle herself, that’s her mindset. ALSO a bigger one is people who take her shopping, not just shopping but shopping without a list. Please don’t she’s begging you, the thought of walking around aimlessly makes her lose a bit of joy on the inside. It’s pointless and unnecessary, if you want something add it to the list and then buy it next time but please!! Have a plan!!

for traits she likes:

she’s very attracted to nonchalant or easy going souls, mostly because she grew up with four parents up her a** about grades, extra circulars and such. She grew up under constant pressure, so someone who can just let her be herself, lazy or not. It such a good trait for her.

She also tends to lean towards people who could say no for her, she has a problem with it, so anyone who could assist her with her issues of stating her boundaries would be deeply appreciated.

hobbies: She paints! It’s relaxing and fun to make. Easy gift making too. The girl also had a hobbies of gaming in her free time, what better way to de-stress then some Doom.. >:-). other than that, she’s a “pick up something master it, drop it” sorta girl.

favorite items:

Anything that’s red. She has a nack for collecting red colored stuff. It’s a bit concerning. Her entire bedroom looked like someone dropped a red bomb and now you see red. Everywhere. Don’t go into her room it’s a nightmare.

There we go! Holy moly. It’s a lot so I don’t blame you if you don’t want to go through all my dabbling.

nice pfp again!! That’s all for now 😈

Hush, I love my thong hamster!!

Alright she needs a partner who gives her both freedom but with a slight dose of protectiveness. Someone who lets her show her emotions without making a big deal of it. And someone who isn’t overly pushy, got it! I have a few that can work, and the best match from them is ….. MANGO! Birdswap sans!

Ok ok hear me out, the reason I chose mango is cause with people she likes, she’s a communication queen~ mango does not fear speaking her mind, so Cali won’t ever have to guess with her. And mango respects boundaries as well. She’s not the type to baby her SO at all. She and cali would handle each other pretty well when it comes to their values I believe

Mango is fiercely protective when she needs to be, but not in a way that belittles or baby’s her partner like some of the others do. She’s all about making sure her partner knows they have just as much power as she does to spook off the unwanted people lol. Basically when she’s protective, she acts like a guard dog and a hype man somehow

Mango is at the stage in her life where she’s no longer just working to survive. Now that she’s on her feet, she can start thinking about herself and what she wants to do with her time… but the problem is that she has no clue! Right now mango is trying out hobbies, so someone creative like cali would be great for her to be around

Be careful about getting mango hooked to online gaming. She will learn how to trash talk and will scream at kids on the internet lol.

[lappeldudive]

(Note: Because something stops me from sending my 2599 word worth rant in this site I need to do it in parts. This is the part where I will be talking about Jade and Stalker/Sorren)

I really cannot belive that this is my first post on this blog. Like, sure I was thinking about starting a blog where I talked about my interests and made some lame jokes but. Oh god and above... This will be very long.

First things first, this is not an second account. This is my first and probably will be only account. I really didn't think that I would start using tumblr like that but this whole debate about Jade Shadows update was starting to get tiring for me. I had a lot of opinions I wished to voice and hogling peoples comments is and was not a great way to do this. This is not me explaning things about Jade shadow or blaming people this is rather than a rant about how people approach this quest and also some things I think needs to be mentioned. If my words "sounds" upsetting or annoyed to the people who might seems like I set my target on their face no. This is NOT that kind of rant. I will only use sentences that I see online people arguing about all of this. HERE, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WILL ANY PEOPLE BE TARGETEN BECAUSE OF WHAT THEY DEFEND.

TW: Mentions of pregnancy, difficulties about pregnancy, some personal stuff that could be triggering for people, some upsetting view about Jade shadow for some people,mentions of trauma related topics about pregnancy and birth.

!!!!! Beware !!!!!

So here we go.

[JADE SHADOW SPOİLERS]

Welp. As for most of the community this was some unexpected event to play in my eyes. A Pregnant Warframe, Operator literally helping giving birth and such. Lots of people made lots of points about the whole quest. And I think most of them were right. Especially the ones about quest being too short so I won't get into these in here. But if you guys wanna know more about I will tell my opinions only about the Jade Shadows quest later. If we get something maybe like The Silver Groove most of the community would be much happy with the results.

But people, let me tell you something. In my and I know for a fact that in everyones eye most of the quest that only focuses of warframes are kind of... Weird? Not enough? Yeah we have some examples like Silver Groove or Octavia's anthem or Sand of Inaros Deadlock Protocol and others. But those quest wasn't only about warframes. They had stories that include a very specific Warframe that had somewhat important role in storyline. I'm talking about the quests like Hidden Message or Limbo's Theorem. This two is somewhat more closer Jade Shadow then the other examples and I think people who read this knows what to say about this. When something that Involves only Warframe and Warframe themselves mostly do not reach the expectation. And I think DE needs to take this as a lesson and try to get better about quest like these. Maybe after that things wouldn't be this chaotic after every warframe related quests. Also squeezing two warframes in a one little quest did make everything much weirder. Because while people trying to understand what Jade was we suddenly had Stalker/Sorren in our hands with a very complicated motives. Also because of how things changed in some newer quest I think people forget how Warframe explain it lore to us. Warframe as a game does not say things in straight forward you need to fetch information about lore from various places. In early game people learn about Valkry this way and until The New War there was a lot of mechanics that you need to use in order to get some info about characters (Like Cephalon Segments or Kuria). And some new added things also follows this thing (Like Citrine and Dante missions.). But there was a lot of change in quest wise. So seeing that kind of explation might cause some huge misundertanding. And even if it was the people who made these changes, it can be thought that the majority owes an apology on this issue. Since they played with their own fanbase.

Before going any deeper lets start to discuss my main problems with this quest. First thing first. Jade

For me Jade was a different aprroach to things. We see a mother who is down to do everything even though she does not have a blood related bond with her many child. Lotus has her flaws but as an caring mother figure she is very good. If this quest was a bit longer it would be very interesting to see Hunhow and Lotus guiding us would be amazing. But again, as for Jade. People tend to say her characterization is only about being a caring mother. Which I don't really agree on but because how quest portrayed her it is very easy to fall in that assumption. They did not do justice to her. She was lacking personality and screentime (a screentime not laying like a lifeless puppet but being in action) but was this sexist or a move just to make all of the Stalker's "redemption arc" better? No. Jade was suppose to be her own person. You can see this in flashbacks but somehow they decided to hide her reasonings behind giving birth to their kid. What important role did she played? That part was just a mess. But there's still a hope if DE notices this big loophole and decides making a actual quest about Jade herself. I think she is an interesting character. A mother, a person who creates life while being the embodiment of death. They could play with her personality and her own motives to create justified version of this quest. For her I don't have anything that I remember that I wished to say right now. If you have any questions or thought that I did not said about Jade you could write them in comments. I will try to say my opinion as good as possible about that.

And now as for Sorren/Stalker. I really don't have to say a lot about. Even though we got more information about him than Jade, he is still a character that will continue to be a mystery. It seemed a bit ridiculous to me that the newly added information added more questions to our previous ones instead of enlightening us, and that Stalker was more expressionless than in Second Dream, despite the "sad spouse trope" that was constantly tried to be introduced throughout the quest. Also why him and Hunhow somewhat seemed distant in this quest? It's not like they were all hughy wuggy before but they way Hunhow talked with him and how less we Heard from Hunhow who did all the speaking for Stalker in other quests seemed... kind of weird. Also I've noticed some people saying "Stalker Betrayed his Lords". Orokin is just a messed up empire of bastards. You've seen how Ballas not only played with us but also Erra and Natah. Or predicted but not fully canon Alad V who literally notorious for constantly changing sides. Orokin would do aynthing to gain their profit. Even though Stalker is a low class Orokin soldier it could be expected that he only wanted help from us. Quest may make it seem like he's given up on attacking us or something like that, but Stalker is still the same Stalker. But even though I've said that I do not get any parental vibe from Stalker. Just like Jade, I'm not sure if we can get any other information unless there is another quest or maybe a mission.

[midnightsslut]

We will never really know what exactly went down between them but this comment: “makes me wonder if he used to do it but stopped at some point.” Is something I think holds true. I mean when they first broke up the response was I believe like differences in personality and like they out grew each other. Somewhere along the line I get the feeling that joe just didn’t have that same energy about Taylor that he once did. And I don’t mean love when I say energy. I just feel like literally his energy about fighting and making up just disappeared cause it was like too chaotic. Like joe just really seemed to like the quiet and easy life. And I genuinely think Taylor enjoyed that for a while and needed it. But like we see this in her albums and genre shifts where she is constantly changing. And I bet same-old-same-old or feeling of stagnation bothers her. And it almost seems like Joe just eventually got annoyed with her lack of contentment and just blamed her for it. Possibly making Taylor question herself and her past. And personally that’s why anti hero is kind of sad song for me. Cause it sounds very much like a person who is constantly having their their worst faults thrown at them. (From the public and by people in her personal life) But ultimately there is nothing wrong with Taylor for not enjoying the life that Joe wanted.

So i am really curious to hear this album. Like really curious. Cause it’s does feel like it’s everything she has been holding back. I don’t think it will be super bashy. But definitely explore the theme of “I love you but you don’t fit with me anymore.” Gives me the vibe of “if I can’t relate to you anymore then who am I related to?”

i say this a lot about joever, but i have to say it again: yes, but it’s also complicated djsjs.

ACHTUNG: THESE ARE MY THOUGHTS. EVERY SINGLE SENTENCE HAS AN IMPLICIT ‘IMO.’ I WILL NOT WRITE ONE OUT EACH TIME BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE TO BE REPETITIVE. THANK YOU.

like, yes. he definitely wanted a quieter life that ultimately did not align with her ambitions. her explanation for the lakes comes to mind (‘having someone to escape with/something you want to protect, […] and saying “I may not be able to go to the lakes right now or to go anywhere, but I’m going there in my head, and this escape plan is working. […] you just kept making art, but you didn’t subscribe to the things that were killing you’). she was deeply traumatized by fame (she has explicitly used this word before anyone clutches their pearls) when they met, and she thought that level of exposure for her work was nearing its expiration date anyway. the pandemic was kind of like 2017 2.0, except it was not a personal decision anymore. i do think that seeing her work get new levels of recognition while she was healing and no longer locked away by choice made her long for bigger things again. yes, it ended up hurting her, but she ultimately chose fame and decided she no longer regretted it.

relationships also aren’t supposed to be about two people immediately breaking up when they no longer want the same things. that’s where we see taylor closing herself off to make it work while he didn’t seem to reciprocate. once again, she was the one who had to make sacrifices and go through the logistical nightmare of hiding all the time. she is the one Doing Something, but her agency and desires are not taken into consideration. was that really something she chose to do, or did she feel that it was chosen for her because their relationship was the priority by default? idk. i could see her feeling out of control there for a while, which ties into a lot of things we’ve seen from her in the last two years.