#I came for the glasses but ended up with this oops xD

[safedistancefrombeingsmart]

‘Who’s there?’ A tiny, angry man in a godawful dressing gown. Martin Freeman as Milton Fruchtman in The Eichmann Show (2015)

[saltydumplings]

Snippet 3.6

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

This ended up being so long I had to add a keep reading thingy lest I take up half the dashboard XD

The villain and the sidekick watched the hero disappear into their room, leaving the two alone. For a few seconds neither spoke, only sharing awkward glances every now and then as they waited.

Eventually the villain came to break the silence. "Did they just...?"

"Yep," the sidekick responded.

"Huh."

More silence. They each looked about the room, wondering what to do with themselves - the sidekick quickly finding a way to be of use as their gaze fell upon the kitchen.

"Hero will probably be hungry, I'll make them breakfast," they announced, using the excuse to quickly turn their back on the villain and start rifling through the hero's fridge, speculating on what they'd make.

The villain's eye twitched slightly as they watched the sidekick move about the kitchen, finding eggs and bacon before going on a search for a frying pan. Well, two could play at that game! The villain went to follow their lead, determined to make the hero an even better breakfast until...until they remembered that they couldn't actually cook. Well, technically they could cook but they weren't very good at it. In fact, whenever the villain tried cooking they always managed to set something on fire...

Perhaps it was best that they actually left that part to the sidekick.

The villain huffed as they continued to stare at the other, watching them opening and closing cabinets when an idea suddenly sprung to mind. They smirked, finally walking into the kitchen with confidence. They spied the sidekick going to open another cabinet but got there before them, opening it and pointedly blocking the other from their view as they perused it's contents - taking far longer than necesarry before eventually taking out a plate and closing it.

"Oh sorry, am I in the way?" they said as they turned to the sidekick, noting how the other's face had gotten noticably more red in hue.

The sidekick simply scowled as the villain moved aside, going to place the plate down upon the kitchen counter. Then they waited - waited for the sidekick to go back to what they were doing and watching them avidly once they did, not moving again right until the moment when--

The sidekick moved slightly to the right of the stove where they'd been cooking some bacon in a pan, the villain suddenly coming up behind them and opening a drawer which smacked directly into the other's side.

"Ow! You--!" The sidekick stopped, glancing off in the direction of the hero's bedroom before turning back and lowering their voice. "You did that on purpose!"

The villain merely smiled. "Oops."

Slowly, they removed a knife and fork from the drawer before closing it again, returning to the counter to place the cutlery on either side of the plate. And now to find a glass... They briefly considered inconveniencing the sidekick again but ultimately decided against it - the hero didn't want them to fight, and the villain was pretty sure they'd already pushed the other very nearly to the brink of patience. Eyeing the cabinets, the villain came to stand to the sidekick's left, pondering which one the hero kept their glasses in when something rather violently collided with their knee - an audible thud sounding as the villain inhaled sharply.

"Son of a--"

Next to them the sidekick came to stand after searching through one of the lower cabinets - the one that, just by chance, had been right in front of the villain.

"Oops," they said, expression neutral as they stared at the other.

The villain was practically seething. "Oh, you think you're so funny--"

"Looking for this?"

The sidekick held out a glass in front of them.

The villain glared down at it, a few long seconds passing before they finally snatched it from the other's grasp, grumbling something under their breath as they came to place it down with the rest. After that, the two didn't so much as look at each other - both just going about their business and staying as far from one another as they possibly could. By the time the hero walked in, they were simply sat on opposite sides of the counter, refusing to speak.

"You made me breakfast?" the hero asked, eyes practically shining as they came to sit down at the space the villain had laid for them.

The sidekick smiled, giving them a small peck on the cheek. "Of course, it was the least I could do."

Across from them all the villain could feel was jealousy as the hero blushed - scooting their seat a little closer to the other and coming to rest their hand upon the hero's thigh, smirking when the red in their cheeks increased.

"Don't go taking all the credit now: I laid the table," the villain said.

The sidekick's eyes looked down to their hand and then back up, the smile they'd flashed earlier now returning to a small frown. The hero, however, didn't seem to notice - turning to the villain and giggling.

"So I see..." the hero said, before adding: "You guys make a good team."

Neither the villain or the sidekick dared make a comment on it.

They chatted for a bit then whilst the hero ate - or, at least, they would talk to the hero each in turn, never once speaking to the other directly. Once the hero was finished they seemed at a loss of what to do for a moment, the two watching them panic briefly before suggesting that they play a game. The sidekick and villain agreed easily, each assuming they could vent their frustrations towards the other with some cards or dice--

And then the hero explained that is was a cooperative game.

The hero sat on one side of the table behind a panel, hiding whatever they were looking at, whilst the other two were forced to sit beside one another. Every now and then the hero would pass them each a card and they were supposed to link it to one of their own - discussing with each other just exactly which card the hero wanted them to link it to. And, as might be expected, they disagreed on everything. If the villain thought it was one card then the sidekick most certainly thought it was another, the two bickering over it until the hero would pass them the next hint - the new addition sometimes making their argument worse.

At some point they just started kicking each other under the table, shins sure to bruise from how long they'd kept it up for but they were both far too determined to give in. Indeed, they only stopped when the hero suddenly let out a sharp yell, both turning to the other in alarm and confusion before the sidekick suddenly flushed red with embarassment.

"Hero, I-I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to--"

"No, no, it's okay I--" the hero started to reassure before pausing, a realisation coming to mind as they glanced between the two. "Have you two been kicking each other this whole time?"

"What - no! I just--" the sidekick began right as the villain pointed at them accusingly, with a cry of "They started it!"

The hero simply sighed, rubbing a hand down their face as they quickly realised this wasn't working. "O-Okay, well let's just," they came to stand, looking about them in a slight panic - clearly stressed. "Maybe we don't play a game: m-maybe we, um...we watch TV!"

They went over to the couch in a hurry and sat at it's centre, grabbing the remote and starting to flick through the channels.

The villain smiled: now they were more in their element...

They got up quickly and claimed the space on the hero's left, sweeping an arm around the other's shoulders just as they'd done many times this week. The sidekick soon came to follow suit, sitting a little uncertainly on the hero's right but eventually relaxing into the seat, letting their hand come to rest on the hero's thigh. The villain's eye twitched as they watched them do it, another wave of jealousy coursing through them.

Ah, stealing my moves again, they thought bitterly.

What did the hero even see in the sidekick? Whatever it was, it was beyond the villain's understanding - that was for sure.

Feeling a sudden urge to do something mischievious, the villain let themself shuffle even closer to the hero, grabbing them softly by the chin and turning their head to face them.

"You know," the villain said, "I don't think I got to properly say hello to you earlier."

The hero raised an eyebrow, confused. "What do you me--"

The villain cut them off with a kiss, the hero startling so much that they'd barely started kissing back when the villain stopped, leaving them flustered.

A huff sounded from the hero's right. "Well if we're going to play it that way..."

And then the villain watched as the sidekick took their hero away from them and kissed them too. They flushed red, prepared to go in again to prove a point but the hero was clearly having none of it - quickly catching onto what was about to happen and putting a stop to it before it could even fully start.

"No - no! Not again! Let's just--"

They pushed both the villain and the sidekick back a little, grabbing the sidekick's hand from their thigh and then moving the villain's arm from their shoulder, soon coming to clasp each of their hands and hold them to their chest - staring ahead at the television resolutely as a blush formed across their cheeks.

Silence.

The villain and sidekick were lost for words, the back of their hands now brushing against each other in the hero's hold. A few seconds passed before they simply followed the hero's lead, watching whatever movie was playing on the screen. They didn't talk, didn't move, just sat in some kind of stalemate as an hour or so rolled by. It wasn't until they felt the hero's grip loosening that the villain came to look at them, realising that they'd fallen asleep.

Huh, they really had been tired...

The sidekick soon came to notice too, expression soft as they studied the hero's face before their gaze slid to meet the villain's. The other looked away immediately, focusing back on the TV, but were eventually forced to look back as the sidekick spoke to them properly for the first time in hours.

"We really screwed this up, didn't we?"

The villain didn't respond for a moment but soon caved, letting out a sigh as they turned to look back at the sleeping hero between them.

"Admittedly, we may have made a few mistakes...though at least I for one didn't actually kick Hero."

The sidekick bristled slightly but kept their voice low. "That was your fault - you were the one who--"

"Oh please, I couldn't even get in the building without you slamming the door in my face."

"That was before! When Hero let us both in I tried to be reasonable, but it was you--"

"Reasonable? I don't think you know the definition of the word - not after--"

Between them the hero stirred. They both stopped and held their breath, waiting until they were sure the other was still fast asleep before talking again.

"We can't keep doing this," the sidekick said.

"I know..."

"The more we fight the more stressed Hero gets."

"I know."

A pause.

"What if we planned a date together?" the sidekick proposed.

The villain turned to them curiously, making a small guesture for them to go on.

"If there's one thing we have in common it's Hero," the sidekick reasoned. "We'll plan a date for next Sunday that we know they'll enjoy to make up for this one. We won't fight - we'll get along: for Hero's sake." They held out their free hand for the other to shake. "Deal?"

The villain considered them for a second, beginning to reach out only to halt at the last second.

"One condition," they said. "We have to make sure it's the best date Hero has ever had...I want to see them do that little bounce thing they do when they get excited over something."

"Oh, the one that makes their hair flop in their eyes in the most adorable way?"

"Yes, that one."

They both chuckled quietly in thought, though their smiles soon sobered as they came to stare back at each other. Silently, the villain took the sidekick's hand and shook it.

They would get along for the hero's sake. They'd do whatever it took to make them happy...

Even though the hero was fast asleep, neither moved their hand from the other's grasp.

Part 8

[iamvegorott]

Here ya go!

"I knew this was stupid idea" Dark muttered as he walked beside Anti who was chuckling at his boyfriend's mood. "Awh come on Darky! At least ya aren't in that suit when ya got out or else it would've been hell fire for ya!" Dark hissed again as he turned to face Anti. "So what if I don't sweat? I still have to deal with this bright son of a bitch!" Dark cursed at the bright sun that was beaming above them and caused the entity to hiss and look down. Anti laughed aloud and held the others hand. "Here, take my sunglasses. If those don't work then I don't fucking know what will." Dark grabbed the glasses that were offered and wore them with a sigh of relief. Anti smiled at Dark's body posture softening, until Dark stopped walking and stood still.

"Dark? Ya alright?" Anti asked as Dark turns his head and furrows his brows. "Do you hear that?" Dark asks. Anti falls silent and listens and ends up hearing a small 'mew' "What the fuck?" Anti mutters and turns his head to where it came from and sees something on a tree in the distance. "Is that?-" Anti was cut short when Dark quickly walked up to the tree and looked up closely. "Bitterweet come here!" Anti follows Dark to the tree and the small thing on top seemed to be- "Whats a little feline doin up there?" Anti says with his hands on his hips. And a moment after another Anti was first staring at the cat on the tree and in the next moment he sees Dark climbing the tree. "What the!- Dark what the fuck?!" Anti yells out and quickly goes below Dark in case he falls.

Dark's head was now on the view level of the gray kitten and he calmly spoke. "Are you alright little one?" The cat peaks its eyes up from its tail and quietly meows. Dark brings a hand up near the kitten and the kitten flinches away slighty. "No worries, I bring no harm to your life. Only safety." The cat meows again and slowly walks to Dark's palm and lays its soft head on him. The warm feeling on Dark's hand brought comfort to the cat and it curled up in a ball with its face buried his palm. Dark smiled and gently brought his other hand to carry the cat and into his arms. With both hands occupied Dark's legs were the only thing hanging onto the tree that kept him up but eventually dropped down and surprisingly landed perfectly with Anti just staring in shock and awe.

"Give me a warning next time alright ya sweet asshole?" Dark faced Anti with a smile and Anti couldn't bare to act a little mean when Dark was looking so adorable with a kitten in his arms.

"What should we name it? "Ya wanna keep that thing?" Dark raised an eyebrow. "Whats wrong about it? We already have tons of other animals in the manor-" "No no not like that dumbass, it's just unexpected of u to want to keep a pet out of the blue yknow?" Dark blushed at the statement. Not only was Anti right but also of embarrassment, "Im not complaining though, if I get to see my Darky happy I'll do whatever the fuck ya want. And the cats pretty cute too." Anti walked up to the cat and gently pet its head, the cat meowing cutely as a response. "Virus." He said. Dark smiled at the cat, then at Anti. "Virus it is." Virus seemed pleased with the name as it loudly meowed and buried its face onto Dark's chest. Leaving the couple to laugh in awe.

Oops my fingers slipped but heres a drawing!

ALL OF THIS IS JUST SO CUTE!!!!

Dark saved a kitten and Anti is just "Give a man a warning before you yeet up a tree" XD

[chocolate-parfait]

Yay, askbox is open! I hope that means requests too, if not please ignore this and sorry. But could I request another angst? Could I please ask for headcannons for Dazai (and the others could be either Theo, Vincent, Leo, Comte, Will or Arthot, you can choose two, 'cause I can't XD) who find their S/Os suicide note? You can take it wherever you want from there. Thank you so much, love your works <3 Have a grwat day!

Hi @robin-the-enby !! I'm happy to see you in my inbox again, and although this took me embarrassingly long (my procrastination tendencies and school got the better of me :,)), I'm more than happy to provide something that will help with your coping! Despite it all, I hope that you'll get better soon and hang on a while longer. I'm sure this prolonged pandemic has had negative effects on most people's mental health, but remember that we'll get through this in one way or the other! Stay strong and keep fighting, if it gets too much don't hesitate to take a break and go easy on yourself❤

Halfway through I realized I was writing scenarios instead of simple headcanons ,, I was too engrossed in writing to realize it oops 🧍‍♀️ 🧍‍♀️ 🧍‍♀️

Finding MC'S suicide note - Ikevamp headcanons (Dazai, Arthur & Leonardo)

(TW; suicide / mentions of self-harm / major character death / blood)

(CW; slight and inaccurate spoilers for Dazai's past)

For those who'd like to avoid specific contents, this is what I wrote for each suitor:

Dazai - MC is unconscious and bleeding, I didn't specify whether they survive or not

Arthur - MC is stopped before they can do anything, survives

Leonardo - MC isn't stopped in time, dies

Dazai

It was as if history was repeating itself. The message, the bloodied sheets and the unconscious body. The only different thing was perhaps.... him. It was a him that had experienced true happiness, a him that had learned forgiveness, a him that knew better than retort to suicide as a way of repentance. And yet... was it not enough? Dazai's mind swirled with the pungent thoughts of his own fate as he ran with your body in his arms. He ran, and ran, and ran, passing by a seemingly endless succession of hallways and wooden doors.

Never before did he wish your room was closer to Arthur's, as he felt your body grow colder and his clothes dampen with blood with each step forward. And yet the stars that were now adorning the night sky's black cape, seemed to be offering their compassion to him, for when Dazai burst into the writer's room he saw him sitting at his desk, completely sober and still functioning in the middle of the night.

Arthur slightly turned in his chair, and as he was about to comment with displeasure how rude it was of the man to come into his room completely unannounced, his mouth was left agape and eyes wide open, wordlessly staring at your limp and seemingly unmoving body as the smell of blood hit his nostrils in mere seconds.

"What in the Heavens happened-?!" Arthur abruptly stood up, leaving his half-finished manuscript forgotten on the table, rushing closer to check your pulse. The two novelists had never liked each other, a difference in life choices maybe, but it surely was not a hate that could surpass even the most perilous of situations, particularly because you were an outsider to their rivalry. As such, Arthur did not hesitate to put to good use all his medical knowledge, carefully rushing through every step to avoid the worst.

Seconds slowly transformed into hours, although Dazai was convinced time had stopped ever since the moment he had found you on your bed, utterly frozen in a state of unconsciousness with a crumpled letter of apologies laying on the bloodied sheets. The only thing that perhaps gave him the slightest hint to time’s passing was the way he could feel the blood on his chest and hands grow drier as the night morphed into the day.

As the first rays of light poked from behind the thick curtain of the doctor’s room, Dazai sat by his bed, right next to you, silent and outwardly calm, although dazed in the raging storm inside his heart.

Perhaps this was what Destiny itself had decided for him. Perhaps it was wrong of him to blame casualty instead of himself. His old, stupid self, who hadn’t learnt a single thing from past mistakes. But as his fellow vampire’s warm hand came to rest on his shoulder, Dazai decided to delay all judgment about his negligence until the Gods determined your fate.

Arthur

Staring at the familiar handwriting, Arthur felt his whole body grow numb, as if someone had thrown him in the darkest depths of the ocean, leaving him to suffocate under the overwhelming weight of the waters above.

He had noticed the worsening of your symptoms, but he had never imagined you'd go to these lengths. He had gravely underestimated your condition, and he could already hear the old ghosts of his past laughing at him, pointing their fingers while mocking him. But now, he had no time to worry about his own lack of foresight; his priority was getting to you in time, so that all could be fixed, hopefully.

Scanning the writing on your tear-stained note, his brain started listing all the possible places where you could've gone with a speed that would leave speechless even Sherlock Holmes himself. The writing was hurried and scrambled, meaning that it was a sudden decision. The city was too far away and bustling with people that could interfere, so it was an unlikely location. As he was running around the mansion in search of you, he passed in front of the terrace on the last floor; there, he saw your clothes swirling in the wind, and your figure standing on the stone railing.

He almost crashed against the glass door as he launched himself forward with extreme speed. You were there, looking down and slightly trembling. You were scared, as it was normal, but if death frightened you so, then what pain would be so strong to push you in its embrace? To drive you away from his warm arms and into the eternal darkness? Was such a painful experience worth the possible relief?

"MC!!!" Arthur shouted out of instinct with his whole lungs, like a volcano erupting in all its fury. A few steps later and you were falling backwards, your back colliding with his chest as he harshly pulled you to him. It all happened so fast that you didn't even have the time to turn your head and look at him. Now that you were on the ground, safely locked in his embrace, everything slowly sank in.

His voice came out choked and trembling. "W-what were you thinking-?!" He was trying so hard to hold everything back; the tears, the sobs, the anger in his voice. He was angry at himself, and you were not the target of his resentment, but he realized that it could be easily misunderstood by someone in your situation. Taking a deep breath and turning you around, he stared deeply into your pained eyes, softening his iron-like grip on your forearms.

His voice now steadier yet gentle with affection and worry added:"Love, I'm sorry for not noticing all of this sooner. I'm sorry for not helping you enough. Still, I want to be of some use to you, I want to be there for you.” A sharp breath interrupted his speech, maybe from him, you or perhaps both of you. “…So please, please rely on me; whenever you feel like you can't do it anymore, whenever you feel like you have enough of life, give me the chance to help you."

Seconds later, you burst into tears, sobbing confused "I'm sorry"s in the crook of his neck. Arthur slowly caressed your hair soothingly, as his heart continued to painfully hammer against his chest. He knew this was not going to be an easy nor a short journey; it was going to take time, and it would be hard, but he wouldn't give up on you no matter what. Through thick and thin, the way you did for him, he was going to support you the whole way.

"I love you more than anything in the world, MC." he added at last, hugging you tightly.

Leonardo

The deafening sound of crickets did not reach the man’s ears. He couldn’t hear anything but the fast pumping of his own blood in his veins. A heartbeat that had never and would never stop; stronger than anyone else’s, but also alone. The sound of his heart was utterly lonely, the only one under the white gazebo, now shrouded in the darkness of the night.

How much he would give not to hear it anymore, to put an end to it right then and there. But he couldn’t. And as Fate loved torturing him endlessly, he was now once more deprived of a person he loved. But this time was different than the countless others before. He thought he had gotten used to the company offered by Death herself, and it had been long ever since tears burned within his eyes, as if made of fire.

Between his arms laid a lifeless body, utterly still and deprived of any warmth. It seemed like mere moments had passed when Leonardo was contentedly caressing your hair as a tired yet relaxed sigh fell from a pair crimson lips, which whispered some loving words before blooming into a smile. Now, they were pale and slightly agape, a cold frown sculpted onto the body’s face. Perhaps he had gotten so used to the passage of time that he did not pay it more mind. Perhaps all his memories took place too long ago, and perhaps things had changed considerably from those happy moments you shared.

Leonardo’s expression subconsciously mimicked your own, one that would remain in his mind for who knows how long, and he did not dare to move away, sitting there with you for the very last moments of his eternally long life. He tried not to think about the way his heart lurched in his chest like a ship at sea during a storm when he found your note. Your handwriting, calm and precise as if it was a decision you had made long ago; where was his mind wandering off to while you were deciding to seal your own fate?

Silently strangling all those whirling thoughts in his head until they died down, leaving him in a deathly silence, he lovingly bid you farewell with a final kiss to your lips.

“Hopefully, we’ll meet in another life.”

“Next time, I won’t let this happen again”

Suffering was human, but he had learnt all too well how contagious pain could be. And yet, he now found himself isolated in his grievance, for you weren’t with him anymore.

[heymeowmao]

2021.10.29 - https://weibo.com/l/wblive/p/show/1022:2321324697717908570439

I’m here, I’m here~!

- starts off singing his new OST “一生有多远” from the movie The Curious Tale of Mr. Guo

LYN: Some people came into the stream and are rude right from the start, telling me, “Take off your cap!” Please excuse me, everyone, I’m having a little... baldness. That is, only the sides have hair and the top is just bald. Ok? Leave me some face.

- he bought a whole outfit for a cosplay, but in the end only the tie fit him. he couldn’t return the items because it had already passed return date. (kaito kid/magic kaito) LYN: Let’s just say we’ve created our own character.

Comment: The background picture (in the comments) has changed. LYN: Oh, really? I can only say “Thank you” to weibo. They’re the real og fans. Thank you Weibo for changing my pic to a better looking one. Which is it? For the album? Thank you. And again, I want to remind you that normally when people stream, they don’t get that picture in the comments section. [Usually the streams with a bg pic are for weibo special events.]

--- Heroes

- started voice-overs for Heroes, already at the 20-something episode so there are still several more to go; but he’s the last one of the actors to do the voice-overs, so it’ll prob air soon- maybe March 2022. says the broadcast will be delayed because of him, because there’s still a lot of touching up to do, post-production. /starts discussing how things are filmed in 8k quality now, and normal households only have up to 4k, at best/

Comment: My home can view things in 5k. LYN: That’s amazing. Do you own a movie theater? /glances at the comments and flinches/ LYN: I’m talking to you about a serious professional topic, and you’re in the comments messing around. Be careful I don’t kick you out. Someone said they have 98k.

LYN: Oops. Why have I started talking back at people again? I shouldn’t. Because a lot of these friends are new, and if they see that I’m so aggressive to my fans they may feel uncomfortable. I used to be a lot worse. (sharper tongue) But my customer pool has grown. It used to be just people who were hardcore fans, so when I joked around with them they wouldn’t get angry with me. they knew my personality and knew I meant no ill-will. I was only trying to bring up the atmosphere. But now I have a wider audience and the problem with that is that each person has their own preference. /makes a metaphor about cooking/ So I’ve moved to a more middle ground, but if you see me talk back at people, please don’t find it strange.

LYN: But getting back on topic, I hope eventually we will have the capability to view things in 8k and then you can watch the drama all over again. See if you can spot any mites.

- worries about looking ugly as Bai Choufei bc at least in UN he had glasses to cover most of his face, and in CGX he had a little hat most of the time. In this role he has to work hard on his looks so that the hairstyle doesn’t overpower him. - begs his fans to, when the drama airs, take a picture of him with all the beauty settings on the camera set to high and THEN view the drama/send him pictures that way. XD

Comment: That’s uncalled for. LYN: ... Some of the camera angles REALLY need it though. Because Heroes was filmed in a more- not a “gu-ou” (guzhuang-ouxiang), it’s not an idol drama because- I’m in it. I don’t dare to be labeled an “idol.” But the filming style, set, clothing- they aren’t there for the ~aesthetic~, it’s a straight wuxia drama. Not purely AUTHENTIC but the most authentic of what I’ve filmed so far. The makeup, too, is very realistic. You won’t see thick powder, so things look more real and textured. Men are more like men. Women are... more like women? I don’t know what I was trying to say, but you get the drift.

LYN: What I consider to be a wuxia drama needs to have these things- in my opinion: sects, weapons, martial arts. [t/n: like those mysterious secret arts that each family has, those types of martial arts. the ones that have NAMES, you know?]

 - starts explaining with the hopes that people understand the difference between original novels and drama adaptations, and how certain changes have to be made in the transition between the two medias LYN: Bai Choufei doesn’t really have a weapon, his weapons are his hands. You know how he has small flying knives at his waist- someone said they’re clothes clips, they’re not. His fingers are skilled, and he can use them to take someone’s life. The weapons/fight coordinator explained to me, this character’s greatest weapon is his thumb. Before a big fight he will do this /thumbs up/. Isn’t this amazing, my friends? [t/n: this means I’m gonna get some hand action in Heroes? :D] Comment: Are you serious? LYN: I’m 80% serious, because I actually haven’t seen the original novel; but if it made it into the drama adaptation, you tell me. LYN: At first he fights with the thumb, but later, if he meets a highly skilled fighter, he’ll use his middle fingers. I can’t show you because that will create enough material to blacklist me for life. You can imagine. But he uses the middle finger- because it’s longer, you know? Imagine- he’s fighting with his thumbs, meets a more skilled fighter and switches a finger to fight with.  Comment: You’re making this up. LYN: Go look at the source material. I really don’t know, but that’s what I’ve heard. If you think what I’m saying is fake, go find a fan of the novel and discuss with them what’s up. I think it’s real, because that’s with the teacher in the crew told me. LYN: It might be interesting when reading, but in the drama I can’t just show my thumbs all the time, so they gave me weapons to work with. So I’m more of an assassin. Anyway, don’t be upset if things don’t turn out exactly as in the novel- it just can’t be helped.

LYN: Another thing I heard is that there’s a character called “Guan Qi” and he’s such a skilled fighter that all of us combined can’t defeat him. So what happened to this character, if no one can defeat him? He was abducted by aliens. Seriously. [t/n: Joking...???] LYN: This is what I’VE HEARD. I don’t know the actual details. I’m just saying this for entertainment. If you’re interested you can look at the source. In any case, please be understanding if the drama doesn’t exactly go as the novel says. The crew works really hard to adapt the novel and film a drama out of it.

[... gets off track a little but comes back around]

LYN: Some things can’t be adapted, and it’s all for a reason. Take my character for example. In the novel, he doesn’t like to wear clothes. No clothes, just going around *shirtless* not in the nude, ok? Imagine you’re watching the drama and the first shot you see of him he’s clothed and you just shake your head and sigh, disappointed. “Not sticking to the original source.” LYN: I want to respect the source material, but Bai Choufei doesn’t really respect me. People might see me and say, “LYN, have a little more respect.”

--- Zi Chuan

LYN: Di Lin? He doesn’t really have a lot of scenes, I don’t know what to say. It’s a great character. Honestly I- I don’t dare speak... I have my own understanding of the role. From a role  standpoint, I don’t think Di Lin is as good as Bai Choufei. Di Lin is a.. uh... that is...  I don’t know. From my standpoint, picking a role, I like the character. But which does LYN as an actor like more? I like them both but would say I like Bai Choufei more. I had more fun acting in that role. LYN: Di Lin is indifferent to everyone. He has a very outstanding line and it goes, “I can kill every person in this world.” He doesn’t have any reservations, and doesn’t care about anything. The only things he cares about are his two bros and his wife. He’s not afraid of anyone. LYN: If the reception for Zi Chuan goes well, we might get to film a second season. :)

Comment: Who plays the wife? LYN: It’s the same woman who played Aunt Wenjin, Chen Wenjin in UN (Tao Luoyi). In this drama she plays Di Lin’s wife. Comment: You call her “Aunt”? LYN: It’s because in UN she played Aunt Wenjun, you know. We’re not saying that because of her age! Don’t cause my trouble. All of us “younger” people called her “Aunt” since she counts as an immortal, after all. Comment: Does Shades count as a younger generation? LYN: No, her role was called Aunt Wenjin, so the crew just called her that. I guess Chen Wenjin and I (Shades) count as the same generation.

--- An Le Zhuan

LYN: Luo Mingxi? Are you going to start grilling me on the details of LMX now? What do you want me to say??? Comment: Is he a good person? LYN: A person... cannot completely be “good.” You, too. No one can be absolutely “good”; everyone has their own intentions. Of course, there are no completely “bad” people either.

Comment: When they’re first born, children are good people. LYN: ?? This is getting a little too deep. I just want to say one thing- when children are born. Think of yourself when you were little- if you liked something and wanted it but your family wouldn’t get it for you, what is your first reaction? Do you understand your family? No. You cry, fuss, because you still want it. But if your parents hit you, then you understand. Are children good or bad? There is no absolute.

---

- starts discussing the concept where if you see someone bettering themselves, it will make you want to better yourself, too. calls it “内卷” and gets corrected in the comments. LYN: See? All of you are my teachers! You learn things in my stream! Comments: /asking for money for teaching him/ LYN: How could you come and ask me for money? This society is broken because of people like you. We’re communicating here. This is a mutual exchange of information, right? I learned what “内卷” means, but I also taught you what “san ti’ is.

- starts getting “emotional” when people asked him about ZSX actually giving him 200RMB. Says he’ll give the money back to ZSX when his birthday rolls around. XD LYN: It was only natural that he sent me money that day, because he was stuck between a rock and a hard place. You all were watching and holding him accountable for sending me 200RMB. Ever since then our wechat has been devoid of any conversation. Think about how awkward this is. Comment: But you still accepted it. LYN: :x People, we are all working individuals. Say you’re working overtime, and your boss gives you an extra 200RMB for your work. Do you accept it or not? We just changed the setting a little. It’s not like you can refuse it. Comment: But you were still conflicted over it. LYN: I’m conflicted, but also you still have to accept the money. It’s like you’re going on a diet but at the end of the day you still ate three bowls of rice for dinner. Are you conflicted or not? You are, but you still ate the three bowls of rice.

- has started wanting to take voice acting jobs, to add to his repertoire (singing, acting, etc.); he can take the opportunity to practice his voice-acting and learn something, but also earn a little money XD - checks out some famous voice actors, and tries his hand at it - asks for ideas for a sect name and wuxia character name; sect name: Night Owl Sect - the character names got a little messy and hilarious; he likens it to people asking online forums what they should name their newborn baby- you should never do it bc you’re asking for trouble. lol

- bathroom break LYN: It’s alright. It turns out they’re actors and they were just practicing their lines. Comment: Which actor? LYN: What’s it to you?

LYN: Hey, what if I start adding bg music every time, after I say something? Comment: Did you wash your hands? LYN: Did you think I wouldn’t?? /cue bgm/ It’s addicting. Comment: The bgm’s too cheap. LYN: It’s on purpose. /cue bgm/ It’s on purpose. I know which songs are fitting. I believe I’m a bit more knowledgeable than you, at least on the musical perspective.

- advertises his new OST “一生有多远” from the movie The Curious Tale of Mr. Guo LYN: I sang this song about a year ago, and the movie is about to air. I’ve heard it’s a very touching/emotional movie, you can go watch it if you have the chance. I didn’t really use many techniques or pour my emotions into the song, I just used a very simple and pure method to sing with. The movie itself is very emotional- so there was no need for me to be as well. I was already afraid you’d be crying uncontrollably. So I used a very simple method, so that you can immerse yourself into the story.

LYN: Am I trending/on the hot search? Comment: I came because of it LYN: Oh, welcome. Let me find a happier song. - /lands on a song he voices over with a message like a train announcement/ LYN: Welcome to the Modern Brothers Station. Please take your baggage XD - /keeps going through the songs, makes up lyrics/ LYN: ♪ I don’t want to rent, I want to go home. Go home, see my mom. I don’t want to rent, I want to go home. Go home to spend time with my father and mother. I don’t want to rent, I want to check out. I’m leaving, here’s the room card. ♪ - /keeps going through songs, trying to find a “five star hotel” music - lands on a “beachy” one/ LYN: ???? Comment: What’s with the crow? LYN: That’s not a crow, it’s a seagull! - /finds a sax-y one, enjoys it - like a fine dining restaurant with a bar/

- gets back to his cosplay LYN: I have the hat, too. It doesn’t really fit, but I can put it on top. Comment: Don’t wear two hats, you won’t grow tall. LYN: Your parents told you not to wear two hats because you wouldn’t grow tall? Why didn’t you tell me sooner?? Now it’s too late. LYN: Let me go find the suit jacket. // The jacket’s too short and the hat doesn’t fit. I couldn’t even get into the pants. - puts on the gloves and spectacle for the “full” look Comment: Driver. LYN: Your family’s driver wears such a big hat?

LYN: I can’t return it, because the time period has passed. It’s fine, I’ll make the most out of it for a stream. It’s just for entertainment. So you can watch me like some monkey. At the zoo you have to pay an entrance fee to see monkeys, but in my stream you can watch one for free. You even praise me “hou hou ting.” [t/n: “hao hao ting” = sounds very good, he just changes the “hao” to a monkey’s “hou”]

- Jing Tian’s in the stream; LYN tries asking her if she has any upcoming dramas or if her friends do, so he can advertise it in his stream. Each time is a 200RMB commission. Like what he did to ZSX. XDD Comments say that he scared her off. :p

---- Reaction Videos :: Our Song S3E6

- Lv Fang & Zhai Xiaowen - Listen Carefully (Ni Gei Wo Ting Hao) LYN: Why is it lagging, don’t lag! Let’s change a song first.

- Bibi Zhou & Shan Yichun - Hello (Wei) LYN: You know why they do this before the song, this “feel”? A lot of singers do this as a means to get into the right mood and to also find the correct tone. LYN: You’ll find that a singer’s next moves will reveal something about them. For example, every singer has a habit of holding the mic- I use my right hand, Penny also uses her right. Who else? I don’t know. Of course, some singers use their left. There’s no way to tell for sure. This isn’t important. But as they are singing, if they hold the mic with two hands, it reveals the singer’s inner thought. That is- that the next line they sing is very important, and they need to focus so they put both hands on the mic. // Of course, only believe 20% of whatever I say in my streams. 80% is nonsense. But you can choose what to believe or not. LYN: Oh! You’ll see a lot of singers like to move their hands when they sing. I also do this. There are two reasons/uses for this: 1. It helps to follow the flow of the song, 2. It helps you relax. LYN: You’ll find that from the moment Bibi starts singing, she’s actually looking at the lyrics prompter. I don’t blame her, since this isn’t her song. I can’t even remember the lyrics to MY OWN songs. But she’s very relaxed! LYN: Yichun moves her fingers like this to help her find the beat, since she’s singing a few lyrics one after another. It’s not a bad thing. I’m just saying that I’ve seen she uses this method. LYN: I just want to say- this song is quite difficult to sing. But- the thing is- these two people are the exactly right people to sing this type of song. To me, this song is hard. But to them, this song is only too easy. You understand?

Comment: Baobei, what are you good at? (music genre) LYN: Don’t call me baobei. I’m about to write my own original song called “Don’t Call Me “Baby”.”

- Rates the song 110/100 points

- Lv Fang & Zhai Xiaowen - Listen Carefully (Ni Gei Wo Ting Hao) LYN: See? It’s not lagging anymore. LYN: When I heard the first notes of the song I found it very familiar! The piano melody. I think it was from some game’s introduction/transition music. LYN: This song is hard. I think it’s hard. LYN: Someone told me to stop commenting. Are you afraid I’ll get yelled at? Even though I’m praising them??? I think this part right here is difficult to sing, it’s difficult for me, but I think Xiaowen handled it very well. I do think he could have done the transition into the chorus a little better though. If Lv Fang-laoshi sang the previous line, Xiaowen would have had more time to prepare to get into the chorus part. It was just a little rushed. LYN: I think it was a nice cover, and it’s a song that you can listen to on repeat. It’s a very comfortable listen.

- Da Zhangwei & Wang Sulong - That Year (Na Yi Nian) LYN: Look at him- white piano, white clothing- just like a White Prince (白马王子) LYN: When I sing, I don’t usually have the mic so close to my face. I very rarely do it, because I don’t dare to. But it gives you a very close feeling- like he’s singing/speaking only to you.

Comment: I'm gonna switch to being Wang Sulong’s fan. LYN: Don’t be like this again! We already discussed this topic, change it up! Say you’re gonna switch to Da Zhangwei!

/gets to the interim/ LYN: Let me tell you, this part is missing an instrument. /gets the kazoo/ Let me try it. - rates the song 99/100 points, but if LYN’s kazoo was added it would be 199/100 points

- Da Zhangwei & Wang Sulong - When I Lightly Cover Your Eyes (Dang Wo Qiao Qiao Meng Zhu Ni De Yan Jing) LYN: I think this one is missing a kazoo too. Let me see if there will be a part I can jump in. Let me tell you friends, sooner or later I’ll get to debut the kazoo on an Our Song stage. I’ll make it happen. I just have to find the right opportunity.

- Penny Tai & Liu Yuning - I Came to Beat You Up (Wo Shi Lai Zou Ni De) LYN: Idk why, but I really don’t like seeing this LYN. I’ll try to be nicer to him this time. How disrespectful “I Came to Beat You Up,” how can you sing a song named as such? LYN: Oh hey, it seems like I can add KaKa (kazoo) into the intro of this song. LYN: It’s nice. I used to really dislike this LYN, but after watching this performance, you can say... I’m an anti turned passerby. 

LYN: I had this outfit made for a different stage performance. I was supposed to sing a wuxia-type song- as for which song you can go guess yourself. I thought I would wear it and look cool, but because of the pandemic situation, the stage got cancelled. I took Our Song as a chance to find a use for the outfit. Most people find outfits for a song. I flipped it to find a song for my outfit.

---- Q&As

Comment: Don’t bring the kazoo to the Our Song stage. LYN: I’m gonna. The sound of this kazoo... can replace that of the suona. Let me find a song to demonstrate. LYN: It’s just a matter of time before I debut the kazoo on a stage. Just like how I’m looking for a chance to debut Dai Mi. You know how there are characters that always pet cats? I’ll be one of those with my dog.

Comment: Why won't you show us Dai Mi? LYN: I really like small dogs, but most of the time I don’t really hold or pet her. It’s probably just how I was raised, but I don’t think a grown man should spend most of his day playing with his pet dog/cat. But I do really love her. Another thing is, she counts as my family. I’m the “tool” and you can see me as you please, but I want her to have more privacy.  Comment: Are you afraid she’ll be more popular than you? LYN: You’re saying I bring out my dog, and she becomes more famous than me? I’ll just.. expire? The fact that you have this thought means that you’re not normal. Have I reached the point where I have to compete with my dog now?

Comment: Are you confirmed for an 11/11 event? LYN: An invitation did come, but I can’t go- none of the ALZ cast can go because that’s the day of our wrap. Comment: What happens after ALZ wrap? LYN: Our Song hasn’t finished yet. I’ll be doing that, and POSSIBLY one other variety show. I have a few OSTs to record, including a couple for Heroes. I'll also be working on album stuff.

- RE: Concert; he’s really happy that people are interested in wanting to go to his concert. As a singer, that’s a big goal for him. But, he’ll let us know when it’s gonna happen.

Comment: When does your next drama start? LYN: I’ll have to ask the crew. I think- from what I’ve heard- in December, but I’m not clear on the details.

Comment: When are you cutting your hair? LYN: I’ll cut it when I get back to Beijing. It has been getting a little long, I do need to take care of it.

Comment: When’s the Disney stream? LYN: Not sure. We’ll be filming for the drama wrap soon, so time is tight. All of MY important scenes are already done; since I don’t have many scenes to begin with. But my character still needs to be around.

Comment: Does spitting blood count as an important scene? LYN: Yes? What, do you only think losing an arm counts? Of course spitting blood counts as well. /pretends he’s dying/ “L...li..live... on... for.... m...me....”  Comment: Wow, his breath is so long. LYN: Have you died before? I’ve played a dying person three times already, and there’s a process, alright? If there’s just a gunshot to the head or a decapitation then I have nothing else to say, but normally we can drag on a death for at least 15 minutes. / starts explaining the scenario / 

Comment: How many takes does it take to complete a scene? LYN: You’ve asked a professional question. The problem is... I don’t have enough courage to say. It might implicate other actors and I’ll get yelled at. JK. I’m just like you- I started off in the customer service industry, and I’m taking you along with me as I become an actor. For me- personally- I don’t need more than three takes. I can’t do a one-take. I CAN but that doesn’t necessarily mean I acted well in it. The thing is, and even the directors know, no matter how hard you try sometimes there’s no more improvement an actor can show. (They’ve reached the limit of their abilities and even an infinite amount of takes won’t change a thing.) It’s enough to pass and that’s the end of the take.  LYN: Some very talented actors CAN do a one-take perfectly. But directors know when they can push it and when they can’t. Each take will always be different, and it’s all up to the director.

/it’s all a matter of opinion/

Comment: What does it sound like in the in-ear? LYN: It sounds like this /clicking/. This is a “click.” Singers can choose to have it or not. Saying simply, it’s a metronome and it helps you with the beat. You can choose which part of the arrangement you’d like to hear. (drums, bass, guitar, piano, etc.) Comment: Which do you choose? LYN: I want them all. I’m not like professional singers who have specifics. My own request is that the arrangement is louder than my own voice. I hate hearing myself sing. XD Basically, I’ll use anything you give me. Just think about when I used to sing in the alley! That mic was a few hundred and the mics I use now are- much more expensive. >.> - /explaining the difference between headphones and in-ears/

Comment: Does wearing the in-ear for very long hurt? LYN: Not really, because they’re custom made to fit your ear. /explaining how it’s made/

- someone asks if in-ears are expensive; LYN does not like pricing things, because that opens the conversation to what he considers “expensive” and from there people can infer how much money he has. LYN would rather quantify something by its worth/value (in use). LYN: You consider things expensive if you can’t come to terms with the value (in your mind) of an object vs the cost (material) of an object. If you can’t come to terms with it, it’s expensive. If you can, it’s not expensive.

Comment: Can you hear the director (through the in-ear)? LYN: That depends on if they want you to hear them or not. There’s a sound technician, and they’ll send you whatever you want to hear.

Comment: Will the in-ear leak electricity? LYN: ??? Only if there’s water in your head? They plug in to the mic pack, so there’s little to no electricity flowing through them. You probably wont get electrocuted. I don’t know. I’ve never experienced it.

Comment: Is it the “bee”? LYN: The “bee” is something different. [t/n: the wind muff on a lapel mic] One is a mic (receiver), the other is a speaker. They’re two different things.

Comment: Why do some people take out the in-ear as they sing? LYN: To look cool. JK. There’s are reasons. For example, on stage there are a lot of signals, and sometimes they get crossed or the signal gets lost. If the in-ear loses signal, you can’t hear anything, no matter how loud the stage/audience is. You can only hear the white noise. Why do they only take out one side? So they can use their natural hearing to listen to what’s being played on stage. They only take out one side because they’re waiting for the sound technicians to save them and get the signal back online. Usually it doesn’t happen.

- Happy New Year! (it’s past 12a) LYN: I didn’t really want to spend the new year, but I got caught up in all the professional questions and I couldn’t stop myself. LYN: I’ll stay for a little bit longer because I think I actually did make it into the hot search. It would be rude of me to leave and end the stream right when people are coming in. It’s like if a guest just came to your house but you say “Oh, I’m sorry. I’ve got to step out.”

LYN: We were talking about the in-ears earlier. If the signal is lost, most people wait for a miracle. If the miracle doesn’t come, you can only give up and take out the other side too. Because only one side is not enough to listen to the music. Then later you can take it up with the sound technicians. [..] I’m not saying you get off stage and yell at them! Don’t misunderstand me. LYN: Usually it’s a live-stream situation and what’s happened has happened and has already been broadcast. There’s no need to retaliate and yell at the technicians. They’ll feel bad and you yourself wont get any satisfaction. It wasn’t their fault that the equipment experienced a problem. There’s no need to retaliate. I just go to them and let them know what happened so they can avoid problems in the future.

LYN: You know what, though? For a singer, if your in-ear really does stop working, it’s an opportunity for you. If it happens to you and you take out the in-ear and go on singing and it’s no different from if you DID have an in-ear. 1. You’ll probably end up on the hot search. 2. It will make your fans have that much more confidence in you. 3. Your fans can take this as a chance to spread the word about you. 

Comment: What happens if you sing it badly. LYN: If there’s no signal, and you take out the in-ear and end up off key. You can’t find the beat. Then you’ll... let’s just say you’ll still end up in the hot search. Of the two “OOO lost signal, Sings off-key” and “OOO lost signal, Sings Normally” I think the former is more likely to become a big topic. Don’t you think so? [Would you rather watch a train-wreck or not? We all know. :)]

Comment: Ning-ge, you’re not tired? Have you got any work tomorrow? LYN: I’m filming tomorrow, and then after that I’ll be doing the voice-acting. I was thinking to stream tomorrow (Saturday) but I looked at my watch and thought that “It’s Friday, you probably get a break tomorrow.” So people can relax and watch my stream and not have to worry about work or school in the morning.

Comment: How do you stay up so late but still function normally the next day? LYN: I got used to it. Staying up all night IS bad for your health, I know. But I just can’t help it. I just got used to it. Of course, every person has their own limits and as long as you stay within those limits I think there’s no problem.

LYN: I’m the Night Owl Sect leader, Liu Xia Lai*. Welcome. [* t/n: he’s using this as a name, but “liu xia lai” (留下来) means “to stay”]

LYN: I’m seeing a lot of comments that are saying that you can’t hold up any longer, that you’re sleepy and about to drop your phone on your face. Are you young?? Come on. I’m so old and I can stay up and talk to you for five hours. I’m not tired, but you are?? Around this time is right when young people are the most active.

LYN: Let me play you a song that’ll make you perk right up.

Comment: I’m on the night shift, can you tell a story? My daughter really likes it. LYN: ? You’re working on the night shift and you left a phone at home so I can lull your kid to sleep? Is that the situation?

Comment: Tell a ghost story. LYN: Don’t scare me. My stream is not like it was before. Do you think an artist alone in their stream can rely on ghost stories? Do you think it’s dependable? I can see the headlines now “Singer LYN tells ghost stories in his stream.” Comment: You can get into the hot search. LYN: Just because I can doesn’t mean I should. LYN: Don’t joke around, I’ll kick you out. I’m serious. XD 

LYN: It’s about time friends. I still have to eat a little something and go to class and go over my lines for tomorrow. Thank you for coming; even Jing Tian-laoshi came to see me, so I’m happy. There are a lot of new friends, subscribe to my weibo, and it’ll tell you when I stream next. You may not want to see it, but at some point you might even like watching. Thanks for coming and I hope my boring stream could accompany you for a short five hours. I hope to have brought you even a little bit of happiness. See you next time!

[aesthetical-bucky]

Three’s A Lucky Number

Pairing: Bucky x Female!Reader

Summary: You’ve sabotaged Bucky’s dates three times, but what happens when the super soldier finally confronts you about it?

Requested by @hailmary-yramliah​ -  Hey! So I love the fic Hungry Heart and wanted to request again since you're an amazing writer! XD Could you do a BuckyxReader where the reader is jealous of Bucky's date because she has a crush on him and he's oblivious? Maybe he finds out when the reader sabotages his date and he confronts her? Or you could go a whole different route hehe thanks in advance! ❤️

Warnings: Language, sex toy play (at the end), implied smut, a smidgen of confrontation in a confined space. If I’ve missed anything, please let me know! 

Word Count: 2,220 (oopsies)

Authors Notes: This was requested by the lovely @hailmary-yramliah​ and I’m sorry because I got so carried away with it but it just wrote itself? Hehe! Hope you enjoy reading :)

If looks could kill, the blonde-haired bitch Bucky invited over would certainly be dead by now. You were sat next to Steve when Bucky walked in with her hanging off his arm as they sat on the opposite couch. Truthfully, you didn’t understand why she was here and if you were honest, you didn’t want her here. His date had spent the entire day at the compound, mingling with the others and trying to fit herself in and they had reservations for dinner in an hour at some fancy top restaurant. You hated it and you knew jealousy was an ugly look, but at this point, you couldn’t care less. “Oh, is this Chloe?” You smirked pointing to the lady. Bucky’s eyebrows creased as he tried to figure out what you were up to. 

“Y/N, what are you doing?” Bucky seethed, giving you a warning look which you blatantly ignored.

“Who is Chloe?” The dragon with the voice whispered, her hand grazing his thigh and it was making your blood boil.

“Some girl he brought here last night to fuck. No big deal.” You shrugged nonchalantly, earning a warning nudge from Steve.

“Y/N, Come on.”

“It’s true and then the night before that he brought home that… uhhh what’s her name…” You clicked your fingers and smirked as you continued. “Fiona from statistics!” 

“Y/N!” Bucky warned. Your eyes flicked over to hers and grinned. She was shifting uncomfortably in her seat and scoots away from Bucky, something he easily notices. “I’m so sorry Jess. I don’t know what her problem is.” Bucky scoffed, interlacing his fingers with hers. A lump formed in your throat at their hands, your anger and frustration building up. 

You harboured a crush on the soldier pretty much since the day you arrived in the tower and officially became an Avenger. But you knew he was out of your league but it didn’t stop you from trying. Bucky had reservations for the type of women he dated, the same type that was sat opposite you right now biting her lip like the seductive horny bitch she is. 

And sometimes you felt really angry towards Bucky because that bastard was so oblivious to your attempts. You even told him he looked like sex on legs when he strolled through the kitchen in his sweats and that tattered old henley of his. His hair dishevelled and sticking up so high you could probably pick up a clear WiFi connection. His response? He just told you to be quiet. It broke your heart every time, your crush was turning into feelings and you wanted nothing more than to protect him from all the other single women in the world. You wanted him to be yours, not hers.

You watch as he whispered something in her ear. A blush forming on her cheeks as she twirled her curly hair around her finger. A loud pitched laugh invaded your ears. Anger boiled up when you saw the blonde-haired bitch throwing her head back, Bucky eyeballing her exposed throat.

Bucky was driving you crazy and he wasn’t even aware of what he was doing. 

“Fuck sake.” You cursed with an eye-roll. Though your eyes widened when you realised you just said that out loud, but at least the bitch stopped laughing.

“What’s wrong, Y/N?” Tony smirked when he sauntered in the room adjusting his bracelet. Tony was probably one of the few who knew of your love for the soldier. It was hard to deny it when he found your journal full of desires and inner feelings for Mr Barnes. You made the mistake of writing a dream you had in the journal, a dream where you became Bucky’s wife and bearing his children. Tony hasn’t stopped bringing that up ever since and you hoped he wouldn’t now. “Is your husband annoying you?” He cackled. 

Fuck

“Don’t encourage her Tony.” Steve interfered.

Wait, did Steve know about it too?

“Y/N, come with me please,” Steve ordered, walking into the kitchen and pouring a couple of glasses of wine. 

“Please don’t lecture me, Steve.” You sighed. 

“Was those lies really necessary? You know about Bucky’s past Y/N. You should be happy for him so why on earth are you trying to sabotage his third date this week?” He demanded in his ‘Captain’ voice.

It was true, you knew Bucky wasn’t actually sleeping with anyone because he wasn’t that type of man. But when he brings different girls to the compound, you knew it was only a matter of time before he took a dip in their manhole.

I’d be happy with him. God, if only you knew Steve.

“Now please take this glass of wine to Jess and apologise. It’s not a request.”

“Fine.” You mumbled, taking the glass from his hand and reluctantly going over to them. Bucky watched you with careful eyes and as you neared Jess, you pretended to trip over your feet, sending the full glass of wine down her white dress. 

“Oops.” You shrugged with a grin as she desperately patted down her dress. 

“Oh my GOD! BUCKY! Your friend is a fucking lunatic!” She screamed and Bucky growled and you took it as your cue to leave the room. Only to have a large metal hand wrap around your wrist and march you both out of the room.

You were stumbling hopelessly behind Bucky towards the elevator, his fast walk pace was impossible for you to keep up with. 

“Buck! Slow down!” You hissed as his grip tightened. Bucky repeatedly pressed the elevator button and more-or-less threw you inside once the doors eventually opened, you backed away from him when he stood in front of the buttons, again repeatedly punching his floor number.

“FRIDAY, shut the fucking doors!” Bucky snarled, clenching his hands into fists and breathing heavily. 

You stood there on the other side of the elevator nursing your bruising and sore wrist as Bucky stared straight ahead with his arms folded over his large chest. He almost looked identical to a dragon, minus the smoke flailing out from his nostrils and the tips of his ear turning a bright red. You knew you were gonna be in for it just by the thunderous look on his face. 

The elevator ride to his floor was intense, to say the least. The quiet hum of the elevator, the heavy breathing and the tension surrounding you was so thick it was scary, almost like a severe gas leak, you’d just need one little naked flame to make an explosion. You almost couldn’t stand it. 

You turned to face Bucky and sighed. “Buck, I’m really sor-” you flinched when his large hand suddenly moved towards the big red STOP letters above the numbers and he punched it. The elevator came to a halt and now you didn’t know what to expect. 

Bucky faced you, then stalked slowly towards you, prompting you to take a step back until your back was flushed against the wall. 

“Why are you sorry, Y/N? What did I ever do to make you hate me so much that you took it upon yourself to ruin any chance of happiness?” Bucky seethed, his steps not faltering. “I want to know, what did I do? Did I hurt you? Did I upset you? WHAT DID I DO?!” He growled and your eyes screwed shut, your body tensing from his tone. His flesh fingers gently held your chin. “Look at me, Y/N.” Your eyes opened, his anger replaced by confusion. “Please tell me what I did.”

You felt guilty and you knew Bucky could see the guilt whirling around in your irises. “Nothing,” you whispered under your breath with a shake of your head. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t believe you, Y/N. Didn’t you once have a dream about me? About being my wife and having my beautiful children?” The corners of his lips lifted into a sly smirk. Your eyes widened to the size of planets. 

“How did you KNOW about that?!” You cringed. 

“I may or may not have stumbled across your little journal. Mrs Barnes.” He chuckled, but not in a tormenting way. Bucky wasn’t teasing you, he was just actually quite flattered. “Why did you keep your feelings from me for so long huh? We could have been married and having our babies right about now.” He smirked. “Tell me doll, did you think about us making those babies, hmm?”

And really, you wished for Hell at this point to just open up and take you. This was a nightmare, the one person who definitely wasn’t supposed to read that journal, did. And you had an intuition that Tony may have had something to do with it. 

Bucky dipped his head downwards. His face was so close to yours that you could feel his breath fanning against your lips. 

“I’m so embarrassed right now.” You mumbled

“I’m actually really flattered but I wished you would have told me sooner because I have been going out of my mind over my feelings for you.” His usual ocean blue eyes are a darker shade. You can feel his heartbeat under the palm of your hand. “Do you still want me?” He asked and your eyes are drawn to his plump pink lips. With no words spoken, your hands wrapped around his neck and crashed his lips to yours in a heated passion. Bucky’s hands slithered down to your waist and behind your thighs, giving them a gentle but firm pinch silently asking you to jump. Your legs wrapped around his waist as your tongues and teeth clashed against one another. 

“FRIDAY, my room!” Bucky panted against your lips. His hard member feeling so constricted in his pants.

“Yes, Sergeant Barnes,” FRIDAY responded and the elevator started moving once again.

Once the doors to Bucky’s floor opened. He carried you down the hall, your lips attacking his neck on the way. Bucky kicked the door open with his heavy combat boot and stumbled inside, kicking it shut harder than necessary. Bucky stumbled over to the bed and threw you down. You giggled when you bounced and saw the hungry look in his eyes. 

“FRIDAY, lock my door and alert the team that Y/N and I are busy for a couple of days.” He ordered and the AI beeped in acknowledgement. 

“Of course, Sergeant Barnes.” The AI responded. Leaving you and Bucky in total silence once again. 

“Now then.” Bucky taunted, removing his Henley and kicking his boots off. “I believe a certain someone sabotaged not one, not two but three of my dates.” He tutted with a shake of his head. 

You brought a finger up to your lips and pleaded with doe eyes. Knowing full well it wasn’t going to help you in this situation. 

“Three dates. Three possible relationships ruined. I think you need three different kinds of punishment, doll.” He smirked, pulling a few items out from his bedside table drawers. Your eyes widened when you realised they were, in fact, sex toys. And you didn’t entertain the idea of those being used on you when they could have been used for the other women in this very room. 

“Buck- no I don-”

Just as though Bucky can read you like a book, he interrupts. “They’re brand new, doll. See? Still in the packaging. I haven’t even slept with anyone.” He reassured. “But you already knew that. So tell me, do you want this Y/N? Do you want me?” He asks for a second time. 

“I do.” You answer with a nod. 

“Ah, preparing for our big day huh?” He chuckled, tearing the plastic off with a simple flick of his wrist, inserting the batteries to the rabbit. Bucky presses the buttons to make sure it’s working and a wide Cheshire cat grin grows. “Perfect.” He throws it down on the bed and his fingers work on the button of your jeans and zipper and swiftly pulling the tight material along with your soaked underwear down your legs and throwing them somewhere across the room. 

Bucky lubes the shaft of the vibrator with a generous amount so you don’t feel any pulling. He grins as he gently pushed the plastic toy inside. The rabbit ears snugged against your clit as Bucky works through the first vibration. He grins, laying down on his stomach with his knee slightly bent, working through the different vibration sensations, sending you into a whole new dimension of pleasure. And if that wasn’t enough, he pressed the rotary button so the shaft wiggled around inside of you, occasionally touching your G-spot.  

Bucky set the vibration on the highest setting and your toes curled into his comforter as you neared your orgasm. And you were almost there when he suddenly shut the rabbit off completely. 

“Bucky!” You whined, which earned you an eye roll as he disregarded the toy. His breath hitched when your juices ran freely from your entrance. Bucky pulled you up to your feet and he sat himself down on the edge of the bed. He motioned to his lap and you went to straddle him but he shook his head. 

“Lay across my lap.” He ordered and you complied. “Second punishment, I hope you’re ready, Y/N. You’re in for a long few days.”

Taglist: @jobean12-blog​ @criminal-cookies​ @nano--raptor​ @marvelgirl7​ @godofplumsandthunder​ @the-wayward-robot​ @littleredstarfish​ @becs-bunker​ @evanstanwrites​

[pandoraimperatrix]

Silver Line

Do I bring any of the prompts you sent me? No.

But only because I thought no one would send me anything so I started writing this immediately after I wrote that post oops XD

Thank you all so much of the prompts, I’ll try to come up with something for each of them, but you will have to be patient with me <3 My requests are always open by the way! But enough babbling.

DickKory | Hurt/comfort, fluff, post season 2 | 2k | read on AO3

Dick woke up by the sound of something crashing in the kitchen. He sighed. Rose and Hank had trouble sleeping and would raid the fridge at odd times, Dick was not happy with that habit of theirs, but if everything was clean by morning, fine by him. He was trying to play cool lately. By his own personal experience, too much discipline caused more harm than good. He turned in the bed, trying to seek his fleeting sleep when he heard another crash. Jesus. What the hell they were doing? Dick got up, found Conner in the corridor. Sleepy eyes, he was not a night person.

“I think Kory needs help.” The boy said to Dick.

Dick frowned.

“Kory?”

Conner yawned.

“It’s her heartbeat.”

“Thanks buddy, go back to sleep.”

If it was any other hour of the day Dick was sure that Conner would have insisted to go with him, the boy absolutely adored Kory to the point of being a little clingy, but as soon as Dick said the word “sleep” his eyes closed and the floated back to bed. Dick would have chuckled wasn’t for the worry brewing in his stomach.  

He walked stealthily to the kitchen, and first observed, Kory was on her knees, picking up shards of scattered glass and cursing under her breath. She didn’t look hurt, there was no blood, so that was a relief. But Kory was as much of a night person as Conner, and there was an open tequila bottle on the counter.

“Kory?”

She stood up immediately, turning to look at him, she pushed a piece of burgundy hair away from her face, and gave him a large smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

“Hey. I hope you weren’t very attached to a couple of glasses. It seems I’ve got a case of sloppy hands.”

He narrowed his eyes, far from being convinced.

“You’ve got sloppy hands?”

For a moment her smile cracked, and there was anger in her eyes, but it didn’t last. Kory reapplied her smile.

Dick sighed and, despite himself, pulled off from the kiss.

“Yeah. So clumsy.” She said in a mocking tone as she approached him, Dick swallowed hard as her green eyes darkened. One of her hands stroked his naked chest, first with her nails easing her palm to his skin, the other hand went to his hip and before he could fight the mist that covered him brain whenever she was that close, she was kissing him.

Kissing Kory was always almost too much, the powerful intoxicating sensation taking all his senses at the same time, her smell, the taste of her lips, the feverish warmth of her skin, she was outworldly and her kiss was as such.

“No.” He managed, but there was practically no distance between them, Kory’s eyes were still closed, she had a pained expression on her face.

“What?” She asked weakly.

Dick held her in place by her forearms, stroking her smooth dark skin with his thumbs.

“You are hurting. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me why.” He coaxed her softly.

She let out a dark humourless chuckle, but leaned in, resting her forehead against his.

“Funny hearing that from you.” Despite her attempt of humour, her voice sounded tight, breaking Dick’s heart. He kissed her forehead.

“I know. I’m surprised too.”

She kissed him again, and one more time, it was too hard for Dick to resist. This kiss was more urgent. She parted his mouth in almost a forceful way, licking his lips sensually, and the hand on his chest slid to the back of his head, pulling the roots of his hair, Dick pressed her body against the counter, forgetting about the glass shards but luckily not stepping on any of them. Kory moaned softly and Dick rose his hands to her face, but noticing wetness under his thumbs, he stopped the kiss again. She tried to seek his lips to reconnect, but he refused.

“Talk to me.” He pleaded.

“Can’t we just have sex?”

“I’m sorry, Kory.”

She sighed and untangled herself from him. The pain of her depart stinging almost physically.

“Fine. Goodnight, Dick.”

“Kory. Please. I want to help.”

She gave him the saddest smile.

“You can’t.”

“Let me try.”

“This isn’t something you can fix, Dick.” She said in an annoyed tone, but Dick saw it as a positive signal. One, she hadn’t left; two, she was still talking. “It has nothing to do with you.”

“Of course it has. If it’s affecting you so deeply. I care about you Kory. I know we’re not using any labels, but it doesn’t matter how we call each other. I care about you.” He repeated. “You know that.”

She just looked at him for the longest of the times, a pained expression in her face, holding her arms around herself so tightly.

“It’s my powers. I don’t think they are coming back anytime soon.”

That raised his eyebrows. He had tried to touch the subject of her powers before, but she had always refused to engage in that topic of conversation.

“Oh… You know why?”

“Yeah…” She trailed off.

Dick walked around the shards on the floor and scooped a new couple of glasses from the shelf, he poured the tequila in them and handed one to Kory. She gave him a smitten smile when she accepted her glass and drunk it all in one go, crushing her entire face and then relaxing, looking more like herself.

“Tell me.”

“That’s your plan? Getting me drunk so I will talk to you?”

“I just took a page from your book.”

She chuckled, the glint of her eyes coming back.

“If I do recall that night, I didn’t get you into talking.”

“Oh, I remember talking. I said your name plenty of times.”

This time he got an actual laugh, but his heart faltered a bit when she passed him by, but soon he noticed that she was not running away, just moving to the sofa, where she sat with her long legs folded beneath her, bottle of tequila in hand. Dick followed her sitting by her side, his hand itching to touch her thigh, but he stopped himself, touching Kory was something very difficult to stop.

“So, what you want to know?”

About her? Everything.

“Your powers. Why you say they are not coming back?”

“You see… My people, tamaraneans, we are very different from you. Not because we can fly and-“

“You can fly?!”

“Yes. Well, now I can’t. But I should be able to. As I was saying, it isn’t exactly our so called powers that make us different. But the way we work as people. Here on Earth you think that denying your feelings is strength, in Tamaran it’s the opposite. Denying ones feeling’s is cowardice, it makes you weak, and that is what I am now, weak.”

“Kory… I don’t think I can grasp it completely, but you have always been so open… What you say makes sense.”

“What I meant is that my powers and my feelings are connected. I think I couldn’t fly before because I didn’t know who I was, and after that the whole issue with Rachel… I have to feel joy to lift and I couldn’t feel it properly knowing I almost killed her.”

“But there is more, there’s something you are not talking to me. There is something to do with those loose ends, doesn’t it?”

She gave him a fond smile and took a sip of the tequila, handing the bottle to him. He raised her his still full cup wishing he had already been done with it so he could touch her fingers and drink from where her lips had been, but he wanted a clean mind for that conversation, and Kory’s presence was compromising enough.

“Always the detective, you don’t forget anything, do you?”

He just gave her a half smile and waited.

“Yes. That was what I meant. Dick, there is no way to say it easily… but in my planet I’m royal.”

“Royal?” He reapeated.

“My father and mother, Myand’r and Luand’r they were the King of Queen of Tamaran. I was… I am their second daughter.”

“So… You are a princess.”

She smiled, this time it reached her eyes, filling them with mirth and something else that Dick couldn’t decipher.

“You are taking this surprisingly well. I thought it would be more shocking.”

He chuckled and decided to take a sip of his glass.

“Oh it is shocking. I’m not lying, I’m surprised. But it also makes a lot of sense.”

“How come?”

“Oh no Kory, don’t think you will divert me like that.”

“I would never!” But she was looking amused.

“Come on, your highness, finish your story.”

“Don’t you dare calling me that again.” She gave him a mock-annoyed glare before lowering her eyes and looking sad again. “My parents are dead. At least that's what she told me, my sister. She is a-“ Dick didn’t understand what she said after because out of Kory’s lips came a string of what clearly were angry insults – angry enough her eyes changed colours and the tips of her hair sizzled – in a language he never heard before.

“So… You have a difficult relationship with your sister, I gather.”

“She killed them.”

Emotion left Dick’s face for a moment.

Kory avoided his eyes and sniffled, taking another sip of the tequila. But when she was taking the second sip, Dick pulled the bottle from her hands dropping it on the fluffy carpet. He slid closer to her, forgetting all the resolve to not touch her, he was so close that she was almost on his lap, he held her strongly as she sobbed against his chest.

“My strength, my fire they come from pride, from anger and I can’t…” She said against his chest, her worlds sounded muffled trapped between them. “I can’t feel strongly anymore because of this sadness this melancholy it muddles all my feelings together.”

“Oh Kory…”

“And I feel so useless. I can’t go home, she blew up my ship. I can’t help you, because my powers are gone. And I miss Donna like crazy, she just died like that and I did nothing. I only thank X’Hal that Rachel is not here because I couldn’t bear if she had to see this mess I made of myself.”

“Hey, hey… You are not useless. Not in the least. You are always putting out fires and being the calm reasonable voice here, always taking up responsibly and if I knew all of this before I wouldn’t be let them overwhelm you so much with problems that next to yours seem so stupid.”

“Dick…”

“I’m actually see now how much of a selfish prick I have been to not notice all of that was happening with you.”

“It’s not your fault. I was gone and I never told you anything, and you had so much on your plate too.”

“It’s not an excuse. Kory… I have no idea of how we can solve your problems with you sister. I may find a way to get us a spaceship but I don’t know what would await us. So I think the more urgent issue are your feelings and that’s really a new field for me, I come of a family or emotionally repressed bachelors and snobbish emotionally distant butlers.”

“Hey… Calm down. That’s why I didn’t want to talk to you. Dick, those problems are not yours, there is no us, those problems are mine. You have no obligation to take responsibility.”

He pushed her hair away from her face, but looked a little bit hurt by her words.

“I told you before. I care about you. And I will do everything I can to help you.”

She just looked at him, that wonderful man, always trying so hard. Kory kissed him again, this time chaste, but far from being soft, just a firm touch of lips, but so emotionally charged she could feel the electricity, her heart beating faster.

She finally broke the kiss resting her forehead against his. In a practical way, nothing had changed. Her sister was still a sadistic murderer, her powers were still gone, her best friend still dead, and yet she felt something fluttering inside her, something that felt like hope. That was Dick Grayson’s superpower. He somehow always made it feels like there was a silver lining, even in the more impossible situations.

“Come to bed with me?” He asked softly.

She opened her eyes, his were still closed.

“Yes.”

She looked as his smile appeared first, and then his eyes opened slowly. Kory threw her arms around  his neck capturing his lips, and Dick rose from the sofa with her, who suspiciously felt lighter as he carried her to his room.

--------------------------------

I know there are other stories in this theme, probably better than mine, but I was in need of some good old hurt and comfort and I missed DickKory like crazy after spending so much time with BatCat (that I love so much too). So have at it.

[commander-yinello]

Something in the Shadows (Jumin x Zen)

Happy Halloween <3 I’ve been busy but I really wanted to write a spoopy JuZen to see if I could. This is my first horror so I hope I can give you a bit of creepy (and if I can’t, some fluff ~_^). Please enjoy!

Like what I do? Please tip me a kofi so I can write faster!

Word Count: 5344 (this was meant to be a drabble, oops xD) Warnings: Horror, mindfuckery (no gore)

~~~

There were so many stars. Zen sat on a stone stairway staring up at them, an empty beer glass still in hand. Behind him, the RFA party continued in all its noise and lights, not caring that he had stepped out.

He heard footsteps coming closer, and next to him the most familiar dark-haired man in a suit sat down, missing his usual glass of red wine.

"Didn't expect you here,” Zen remarked. Wasn't the CEO-to-be scared to ruin his suit? The thought of stained pants amused him greatly.

"I needed a break from all the reporters," Jumin replied.

Zen sighed. "You too huh?"

The two sat in silence for quite some time and Zen mulled over everything that had happened in the past week. All this trouble and it was the jerk who was there for him the most. He pushed down the thoughts quickly - he didn’t want to ruin this evening.

"Hey… I wanted to thank you. For helping me. I really thought I was done for."

"It was a small effort, Zen. I am glad I could help you."

"Well it's a big deal for me,” Zen emphasized. No doubt in a few seconds Jumin would push another stupid cat thing in his face and Zen would hate him for it, but for now Zen wanted him to know how grateful he was.

Jumin accidentally brushed their knees together. Trust Fund must have had a bit of wine, because the guy pulled his leg back and looked embarrassed about it too. Zen felt the biggest grin forming. In a childish moment, Zen wanted to knock their shoulders together. 

Unfortunately gravity was not his friend, and he ended up nearly falling onto Jumin.

"You're drunk," Jumin said, as he carefully pushed Zen upwards.

Still grinning, Zen brushed his ponytail back but didn't make an effort to leave Jumins personal space. "I'm not drunk, I'm tipsy. And so are you."

"What is the difference?"

"We get to be slightly foolish instead of completely foolish."

Zen wanted to make another joke, but Jumin grabbed his beer glass and set it next to him. Zen stared at the glass and then back at Jumin, whose face was very close.

“Is that so?” Jumin said. It was a joke, maybe one to get a rise out of him, but Zen found himself leaning forward.

He smells nice, Zen thought. The wine, the cologne, the freshness of a recently dry-cleaned suit and a soft husky leather smell Jumin always carried combined were nostalgic. 

Zen wasn’t aware of the kiss until a few seconds later, when his brain caught up and registered soft lips against his. When they separated, their noses still touched, both not saying a word or daring to breathe too loudly.

Zen felt his face burning. What had he done? When had he leaned in? What in the world was he thinking? And why wasn’t Jumin punching his face flat right now, instead staring as if frozen?

He suddenly felt shivers run down his spine. As if someone’s stare pierced right through his soul. He turned around immediately, but no one was behind them.

“Zen?” Jumin asked, and Zen found he couldn’t deal with Jumin’s deep gray eyes right now, who were desperately searching for his reaction.

“I think someone was watching us.” Stumbling, Zen grabbed his glass and got up. “I should go.”

Every fibre of his being told him to turn around, back to the stairs. But he couldn’t stop his feet from moving towards the light, the noise and the faceless people that didn’t confront him with his confusing feelings.

~~~

What a party! - 20:05, 707, Yoosung☆, Jumin Han, ZEN, Jaehee Kang

707: another RFA success in the pocket! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Jaehee Kang: I was a bit worried though. What if that crazy fan had shown up?

Yoosung☆: I know what you mean Jaehee, she did manage to make people believe she was dating Zen! She even had realistic-looking articles online! That’s scary!

707: yeah, but one quick speech from the actor man himself and the press ate it up No doubt she will vanish into internet obscurity ┬┴┬┴┤ ͜ʖ ͡°) ├┬┴┬┴

Jumin Han: I too am glad that is over.

707: Zen, you’re really quiet got something on your mind?

Did you elope with your fan? Were the rumors true after all?? ( ⚆ _ ⚆ )

ZEN: Omg no Why would I do that??

Yoosung☆: Normally you’re super talkative after a party Zen

ZEN: I know, I know I’m a little busy Also I keep hearing weird scratching sounds

Jaehee Kang: Rats? :o

ZEN: Maybe I checked but I’m not sure

707: Tomorrow is Halloween y'know They say when there is a new moon just before Halloween your inner demons become real And they will haunt you!

Yoosung☆: °Д° Noooo I don’t want to die!!

ZEN: -.-;;;

Jaehee Kang: Stop. Seven, stop making stuff up.

707: How dare you insinuate that I read it from a piece of paper I found last night!

Yoosung☆: Wait, is that the one you tried to give to me and told me it was a fortune cookie’s fortune?

707: Maaaaaaaybeeeeee

Jumin Han: Enough foolishness. Zen, you should arrange an exterminator to search your apartment.

ZEN: It’s fine, I can handle it myself Bye all

- ZEN has left the chatroom -

Yoosung☆: Eh?? Zen left and didn’t insult Jumin about money or something??

707: Jumin didn’t sass him either. They’ve been acting weird since yesterday I miss my daily dose of fighting! (ó ì_í) (ì_í ò)

Jaehee Kang: I noticed it too. Sir, what happened at the party?

Jumin Han: Nothing happened. You all have overactive imaginations. Assistant Kang, if you have time to dream up silly scenarios, you have time to work on more contracts.

Jaehee Kang: ...Sorry sir.

- Jumin Han has left the chatroom - 707: whoo, touched a sore point there

Yoosung☆: Something definitely happened

Jaehee Kang: Agreed, but let’s not dwell on it any longer. I don’t need more work T_T

Yoosung☆: Success Jaehee ^_^;; Aaaahhh don’t want to help with uni decorations today (ಥ﹏ಥ) Why is Halloween so scary?!

707: If you think that’s scary, wait till you hear what *really* happens on Halloween! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Yoosung☆: ｡゜(｀Д´)゜｡

~~~

Zen knew he was being a dick. He couldn’t get the image of Jumin sitting alone in the darkness, staring at his retreating form as he shuffled off like a coward. The CEO-to-be had even sent him a message. 

‘Don’t forget to call the director I introduced you to.’

That was it.

It was not like Jumin to act like nothing happened. Hell, Jumin had every right to be absolutely pissed. But he wasn’t, and that was worse. Guilt ate Zen from the inside. The man deserved a response from him, even if it was just a sorry. Zen wanted nothing more for things to go back the way they were so he could tell Trust Fund where to shove it acting like a mom for this message.

How hypocritical of me, Zen thought, for calling Jumin a jerk, when he was the one to kiss Jumin, and the one to run away the second he had to own up to it.

He contemplated getting off the couch when he felt that horrible chill on his back. He felt eyes on him, eyes from someone he couldn’t see, in the shadows of the corners of his apartment. 

The sounds. They were back.

Scape. 

Scrape. 

Slow, then fast.

Thump. 

Scrape. 

Over and over. 

Again. And again. And again.

It rooted him in place. He knew he should turn around. All he had to do was get up, go look and figure it out. Nothing special.

But something stopped him. His logical mind told him that he had to turn, but his own body wouldn’t let him. His hands clenched his phone, trying to stop himself from shaking.

He hadn’t been completely honest in the chat. He hadn’t checked what it was. And he feared that if he did say so, the RFA would make fun of him. And rightly so.

Thump.

Yet he couldn’t turn around. He couldn’t get himself to stand up, or to call out. He’s had his light on since last night. He hadn't really slept, waking up every hour wondering what was in his house, watching him constantly.

When the morning came, he was as stiff as a board and it felt like a fever dream. Now back in the darkness, the dream returned. Worse than before.

I am just on edge because of this thing with Jumin, Zen thought. If I can distract myself long enough, this will pass.

It took another half hour before he was able to move again.

~~~

Am I going crazy? - 03:30 ZEN

ZEN: And I thought last week was crazy Hahaha ….

- MC has entered the chatroom -

MC: Zen? Why are you awake so early?

ZEN: Ah MC! It is hard to explain You shouldn't worry

MC: is it the rats? Jaehee told me you might have them

ZEN: A sound is keeping me awake I don't know if it's rats ...I kinda want it to be though

MC: you want it to be rats? Why? 

ZEN: Don't mind me, I'm being strange because I'm tired Please go back to bed We both need our beauty sleep! ^_~*

MC: hehe okay Good night Zen!

ZEN: Good night!

- MC has left the chatroom -

~~~

Something wants to get in.

The thought was ridiculous. Unnecessary. It made no sense. When it was silent, he could tell himself this. But just as he had calmed down, the sounds started again. This went on and on until Zen wasn’t sure if time had passed at all.

He lay on his side, staring at the door of his bedroom. He felt watched. And when the scratching began, he was convinced something was on the other side.

Something wants to get to me.

Stop this. Just get up. Get up, get up, get up-

When he was on the edge of doing so, the noises stopped.

...

It was quiet again. 

...

Slowly, his eyelids started to droop. 

In the far distance, he heard a car drive by and a dog bark.

His door moved.

Zen’s eyes shot open.

THUMP.

The door shook again. Zen clutched his blanket tighter, ready to steel himself against whatever was going to break through at any moment.

But then there was quiet. 

...

The door definitely moved… didn't it? 

He was not nuts. He was simply tired.

Was he?

~~~

Mad fangirl? - 05:30 ZEN

ZEN: Guys maybe that fangirl is trying to get in my place That makes the most sense right? She probably is angry after that press conference

- Jumin Han has entered the chatroom -

ZEN: ?! Why are you up so early?

Jumin Han: I normally get up before 06:00 to prepare for a breakfast meeting. 

ZEN: Of course -.-

Jumin Han: But I noticed activity here already. Why are you going on about that fangirl? Are you having issues with your security?

ZEN: Eh yeah? Just read above I hear constant noises

Jumin Han: Do you have any signs of property damage?

ZEN: Damage? I don't know

Jumin Han: You don't know? Why don't you check?

ZEN: I don't see why I should Maybe I should call the police

Jumin Han: You could but you will look foolish. You would have a stronger case with evidence.

ZEN: I just I can't check okay? I fucking can't 

Jumin Han: You can't check? Why not?

ZEN: Fuck never mind

- ZEN has left the chatroom -

Jumin Han: …

~~~

He didn't want to stay in his apartment anymore. 

When the morning came and sunlight poured through his window, he told himself it was nothing. The noise was probably woodworm. Of course his bedroom door hadn’t moved. Plus, his front door was locked tight as it could be and the windows were too small to fit anyone in. How could anyone have entered his place? 

Really, it had to be another stress nightmare. 

Today, he would take it easy. Rehearse a few lines, practice a few songs. Go for a jog. All was good.

But throughout the day, he heard whispers in the corners of his home, always behind him. There were eyes following him wherever he went.  And with the evening leaving the sun for the stars, he swore he heard the scraping louder than ever.

THUMP. SCRAPE. THUMP.

He had to leave, no matter what.

The problem was where. Jaehee might find it awkward to have a man over. Yoosung's student apartment was too small. And who knows where the fuck Luciel lived.

Worst of all, they weren't safe. There was something, something within his mind, telling him he would still be in danger. Worse, he might put them in danger. He would never forgive himself if he did.

That left only one option. Jumin and his penthouse, with all those bodyguards and security cameras. The CEO-to-be always boasted how his home was the safest in Korea, now he could prove it. Zen hated himself for stooping so low. But as his fingers shook while typing in Jumin's number, he hated feeling like this more.

"Zen?" said Jumins voice, "Where have you been? The others have been asking for you in the chatrooms."

He had been too distraught to check the RFA chat. But that didn't matter now. "Jumin, I'm not safe here. Can I-" he paused, and let out a shuddering breath, "Can I stay at your place for now?"

There was a short pause. Then, Jumin spoke up. "Not safe? Did someone break into your apartment? Is it the fangirl you spoke of?”

“Look, I don’t know. I just need to get out of my house.”

“And you want to come to me and Elizabeth the Third?” Jumin sounded very surprised and Zen didn’t blame him. He was so on edge, he’d accept being a sneezing mess for eternity over this.

It was quiet now. No way to prove that he hadn’t absolutely lost his mind. Fuck it. “Yes, even the furb- cat. Please, Jumin. I’m losing it.”

Another pause. It took all Zen had not to punch his phone. “...Alright. Pack your things, I’ll have Driver Kim pick you up.”

“No need, I’ll take the bike.” Without waiting for a response, Zen hung up. He ran towards the front door, grabbing his backpack where he had stuffed as many clothes into as he could in a minute. Keys in hand, he cursed the setting sun and didn’t look back to his apartment after he locked it.

~~~

Zen’s burglar - 19:45 Jumin Han, 707, Jaehee Kang, MC

Jumin Han: Zen called me. He is acting really odd. Luciel, can you please check the security cameras in the street near his house?

707: waaay ahead of you Whoever is bothering the actormeister, I will find out!

MC I’m so worried

Jaehee Kang: Me too, Zen hasn’t said a thing all day.

Jumin Han: Assistant Kang, I need you to keep Elizabeth with you a bit longer.

Jaehee Kang: What? Why?? You have no urgent projects to complete. I thought my catsitting duty was done!

Jumin Han: Zen has asked to stay at the penthouse. As much as I would rather keep her in a room fit of her position, I fear Zen’s erratic behavior will scare her. Therefore it is best Elizabeth stays with you.

707: Hol’ up

MC: Zen asked

Jaehee Kang: To go to you???

Jumin Han: I was equally surprised. On the phone he seemed utterly terrified.

MC: Oh no now I’m really worried

Jaehee Kang: For Zen, I can take care of her longer.

Jumin Han: Good. I must go, he’ll be here soon.

- Jumin Han has left the chatroom -

Jaehee Kang: Luciel, I really hope you can find the culprit. I don’t know what’s worse, all this cat hair everywhere or Zen being so stressed. T_T

MC: Yoosung is going to be so upset when he reads this Seven, you will catch the piece of shit, right? She or he

707: Of course! ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿'̿'\̵͇̿̿\з= ( ▀ ͜͞ʖ▀) =ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿ ̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿̿  The moment I see them, I hack their phone and boom! Jailed. Still it’s interesting Zen decided to go to Jumin ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Why do you think that is? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

MC: The bodyguards

Jaehee Kang: The bodyguards.

707: You two are no fun

~~~

Zen nearly crashed into the first security guard he saw with his motorcycle. They didn’t say a word to him as he locked his bike in the oversized garage and ran up the stairs. No doubt they’ve already been told he was coming. 

He didn’t care. Something watched him on the road and it was watching him run now.

At some point he had to relent to the endless stairs and take the elevator, but the tiny space made him pull at his ponytail hairs. He could finally breathe when he jumped through the sliding doors and into the unnecessarily large white marble hall.

Jumin was waiting for him at the door and Zen slowed to a halt upon seeing him. He was wearing his normal suit again instead of formal wear. Zen found himself back at the party, back on the stairs, with Jumin waiting for him to respond. He wanted to say his name, but his tongue felt heavy in his mouth.

Jumin frowned before holding the door open. “I’ve prepared a room for you. It’s the one furthest away from Elizabeth’s suite. I’ve asked my maid to label it with your name.”

The cat has her own suite? The rooms have labels?? Zen thought, then dismissed it. Who cares right now? “Thanks. I appreciate it.”

And I’m sorry. For leaving you. Because we… Because I-! Zen instantly quelled the thought. The well of uncertainty within him threatened to bubble and overflow, and he couldn’t stand it.

He stepped into the penthouse, Jumin taking a step back to let him in. The two of them exchanged awkward glances before Zen walked further, backpack in hand. The living room was so large, he almost didn’t spot the hallway. He would have told Jumin so, would it not be extremely rude to insult the guy whose home he begged to enter.

“There are cameras everywhere except in the bedrooms and bathrooms.” Jumin said behind him, “ I have men on watch at all times too.”

He should show more gratitude. That was what Zen wanted, but cruel irony had that he felt that chill creep up his neck again. The constant reminders of the night unspoken wasn't helping either. Maybe coming here was a mistake. 

“Good. I’m off to bed, I’m really tired,” Zen said, before heading to the hallway where he hoped to find his room fast.

He didn’t want to look back at Jumin, afraid the CEO-to-be would read his exposed soul in his eyes.

He just couldn’t.

~~~

Zen is here - 22:30 Jumin Han, Yoosung☆, MC, 707

Jumin Han: Zen has gone to his room. He barely looked me in the eye. He never did that before.

MC: does that bother you, Jumin?

Jumin Han: It does. I don’t like this feeling. It feels... Troubling. I want him to look.

Yoosung☆: you're really on about this Is Seven right? Did something happen?

Jumin Han: Aren't you supposed to be sleeping? It is a school night.

Yoosung☆: oh come on, I am worried about Zen too! You're not my dad ):<

MC: give up Yoo, we're never going to get a straight answer out of Jumin

Jumin Han: There is nothing to figure out. Zen's possible stalker is taking up precious RFA work time. The sooner this is solved, the better. I need Elizabeth here with me.

Yoosung☆: is work and cats all you think of ;;;; Oh gosh I sound like Zen now

707: You need to amp up the narcissism Yoosung ma boi!

Jumin Han: Luciel, any news on your side?

707: So far not much good There was no one near the windows or doors of Zen’s apartment at any night the past week However, I did discover something interesting The fangirl whose rumors we had to dispel? She was at the party

Yoosung☆: She was?? I hadn’t spotted her Why do you think she was there?

Jumin Han: I suddenly have a suspicion. Luciel, that piece of paper you found, was it ripped off a page?

707: It was ripped off how did you know? o_O

Jumin Han: I need to do some research. Please Luciel, find the page that it belongs to if you can.

- Jumin Han has left the chatroom -

Yoosung☆: ???? what is happening

707: oh crapsicles, I threw it away dumpster diving I goooooo

MC: Ewwww Yoosung, I don’t get it either, but let’s do our best to be there in spirit for Zen

Yoosung☆: T_T☞ okay MC!

~~~

It had been quiet and dark for a while now. Zen had literally thrown his bag and his clothes on the nearest dresser and flung himself into bed wearing only a shirt and boxers. He hadn’t even done his usual face care regime in the luxurious bathroom that was connected to the bedroom, too tired to care.

Not feeling cold eyes on him gave room for thoughts. Thoughts that acted like an intrusive person that happened to be in his mind asking him questions. Questions such as: why did he kiss Jumin? And why couldn’t he deal with it?

Zen knew he could admit it was a mistake. A lapse in judgement caused by alcohol. Gravity pulled him too far and accidentally made their faces touch. He didn’t mean to do it, and it didn’t mean anything, and that was it.

Except, that was not it. Because in that moment, Jumin was not the rich spoiled jerk Zen firmly hated. Not anymore. In that moment-

No, no, no. Zen ran a hand through his hair and forced his brain to shut down the words. It was too much. Every part of his body was tense.

Were they friends now? If they were, then this wasn’t such a big deal. Friends could laugh this off.

Were they-? No!

Was he-? Stop!

If he thought about it, it would be real, and if it was real, the world he knew would change forever. He couldn’t deal with it.

Thump.

Zen’s heart leapt out of his chest. Not again. 

It was here. It saw him. 

He thought he would be safe. What was he thinking?

Another thump, and the large black door shook, the hallway light flickering from underneath. It had found him again. It was watching him again. Zen pulled his legs up underneath the blanket, his body forming a protective ball. It was cold, so cold.

“Zen!” 

Was that... a voice? Jumin? It sounded like him, but Zen wasn’t sure. He strained his ears to listen, fearing that the next sound would rip his heart out of his chest.

“Zen!!”

Now he was certain. Amidst the slow, horrible noises, he heard Jumin.

He sounded like he was in pain.

Oh God. 

Whatever was trying to get to him, it had gotten to Jumin.

“Jumin!” He shot out of bed, threw the covers off and ran right to the door. There was a moment’s hesitation when his hand hovered over the golden doorknob. Then, he heard Jumin’s voice again, and flung the door open.

“Jumin!” He yelled into the darkness.

There was no one there.

A low static hummed in the distance. The cold air gave him goosebumps all over.

Zen saw movement in the corner of his eye. Underneath one of the doors he saw the lights turn off and on, accompanied by a hiss. It was a sick invite to walk into a trap.

But if Jumin was there, he had to go.

Zen ran and turned the handle, expecting the door to be locked. Only to nearly fall into the bedroom.

This bedroom was much larger and better decorated than his. An aquarium lit up the room and gave everything color, leaving Zen’s experience of mere seconds ago but a grayscale nightmare. The ceiling lights worked fine. 

The hissing and scratching were gone. But someone was still watching him.

“Zen?” He whipped his head to the right. Jumin sat on the edge of his head wearing dark blue silk pajamas, a stack of papers in one hand and a cup in the other. Was the guy still working? Zen quickly thought.

“Why are you here?” Jumin asked, and his eyes trailed down to his bare legs and back up quickly. Zen faintly blushed.

“I thought I heard you,” Zen replied sheepishly. He just barged into Jumin's bedroom like that.

“Me?” Jumin asked. “Zen, what is going on?”

There it was again. The dark eyes asking for more. And his legs wanted to turn and run. Zen wondered how long he could keep this up.

Enough was enough. Was this the kind of person he wanted to be? He had to be honest. 

He had to tell Jumin.

“Jumin…” Zen resisted the urge to look away, “On the night of the party. I felt something. Something I’ve never felt before, and it scared the shit out of me. Ever since then I’ve been haunted by it. And I-”

Hear noises. See things. Feel things. Kept wondering why. Why. Why. 

Why you.

Zen closed his eyes, licked his lips and opened them again. Jumin stared in confusion. And Zen realized… there was something more important he wanted to say.

Slowly, he walked to the bed and took a seat next to Jumin. He clasped his hands.

“I hurt you. I overwhelmed you and then ran away. I'm… sorry."

A shift in the bed caused him to look to the side. Jumin had scooted closer, setting the papers next to his lap.

"Why did you kiss me?" he asked.

He was so close again. Zen recognized the scents and warmth that came from Jumin. And this time, he saw a handsome face with worry etched all over.

"Because you're not always a jerk… and I've fallen for you."

It was the truth. He didn't expect to get a crush on Trust Fund jerk. He didn't think it would resurface after burying it for ages, in the moment where Jumin showed a kindness he had not expected.

The static that had always been there but Zen didn't notice suddenly faded away. 

Jumin stared as if he were on fire. Zen wanted to ask how he felt when Jumin suddenly took hold of his chin and kissed him.

Zen relaxed, feeling Jumin’s hand travel up his neck and behind his head. After a few seconds, they seperated, hyper aware of each other’s breathing.

Jumin’s gaze was intense. "I wanted nothing more than to lock you up. Let you never leave."

The way he said it gave Zen chills. Jumin must have thought things that Zen could not imagine. Despite all the time they spent together on the chatroom, the CEO-to-be was a mystery to him. "I'm glad you didn't. I won't run again, I promise."

Jumin rewarded him with a small smile. Zen felt light and giddy. It was not perfect, but it was a better start than before.

Did this mean they were-

THUMP THUMP CRASH

Both their eyes went wide.

“Fuck!! It’s here!” Zen yelled and made a beeline to the door. He slammed it close, locked it and looked for the nearest furniture to shove it against.

Jumin was frantically searching through his papers. 

“What are you doing?! Help me! Or call your bodyguards!” Zen yelled, pushing a dresser.

"There’s no point!” Jumin replied, taking out one piece of paper and tracing the sentences with his finger. “We need to stick together and hold on for one more night.”

Zen’s mouth dropped open. “Wait. You know what it is?!”

Jumin shook his head. “Not exactly. During the party, we found a piece of parchment. I asked Luciel to send me all the information he found on it. I don't know if it is a curse, but it was definitely cast on you during the party. It specifically says here that after 3 nights, it fails.”

A curse. In a silly way, Zen was glad that he wasn’t mad. But the sounds were there, eating at his nerves. And the eyes watched his every move.

A loud scratch made them both jump.

Now, Jumin heard the noises too. Zen grabbed the raven-haired man and hugged him tight. “I won’t let it get you.”

Jumin scoffed. “Don’t be a fool. It’s after you. I should be keeping you safe.”

Amidst the adrenaline rushing through him, Zen could still chuckle. Strangely, he felt safer than ever. The cold from before had never reappeared. With no guilt gnawing on him, he could steel himself against the dark.

The two of them wrapped a blanket around them and sat against the bed’s headboard, holding each other tight as the sounds continued. Before long, they nodded off into a peaceful sleep, heads leaning on each other, leaving the eyes that watched them powerless.

~~~

Still alive - 07:49 Jumin Han, ZEN, Jaehee Kang, Yoosung☆, 707, MC

Jumin Han: Nothing in my apartment is broken. Whatever it was, its primary goal was to terrify its victim.

Yoosung☆: But why?

Jumin Han: I wish I could say.

Zen: I dont hear anything anymore, but I am staying one more night to be sure

707: I found a bit more info it’s a spell that affects the victim and everyone near them So when you got cursed, Zen, Jumin must have been affected too MC: that is so scary

ZEN: !! Jumin did you suffer from anything the past few nights too?

Jumin Han: ... Nothing out of the ordinary, I can assure you.

Zen: What does that mean I’m going to make sure you tell me

MC: Awww

707: you guys never said what you two were doing at the party before you were cursed.

MC: Yeah! Spill the beans!

ZEN: Not now Maybe soon

Jumin Han: Agreed.

Yoosung☆: Awwww come on!

Jaehee Kang: o__O

MC: lmao Btw can't we curse the caster back? Revenge!

Jumin Han: I do not dare mess with dark magic. I have done some reading before. The backlash if it fails is too severe. Death. Or worse.

Yoosung☆: omg what is worse than death??

Jaehee Kang: I hope we never find out.

~~~

"NO!!" she yelled at a tall mirror.

The room was void of anything else. She sat on the wooden floor, flipping through an old tattered book in a frenzy. "He is supposed to be here! He’s supposed to want me!"

She slammed her fists on the book, ruining its pages.

“He was supposed to come running to me, begging me to save him! He should know it was me! Not this other… man who tried to force himself on my poor Zen!”

She nearly tore all her hair out from anger.

“Useless… thing! Get lost!” She yelled and slammed the book shut, before throwing it against the wall. Loose pages scattered around her, showing letters written in ink and blood.

It was quiet, for a moment. She pondered on what her next move was, how to get Zen to see she was his true love forever. A love potion. Or a love spell. Surely something like that had to exist.

But then she heard scratching from the wood underneath her feet. A low hiss came from the shadows in the corners. She jumped away, but kept feeling it. She felt eyes on her, and turned to look over her shoulder, only to see nothing.

But something was watching her.

Even when she closed her eyes she saw, it was here. Even when she left the room to another. When she switched on all the lights. When she tried to leave her house and couldn’t. She knew it was here.

Hissing, and scratching. Over and again.

“GO AWAY!!” She screamed. It wouldn’t leave.

She threatened it, bargained with it, reasoned with it, but it wouldn’t leave.

It would never leave.

[skybird13]

Yo I'm laughing with your post on how crwby messed shit up so much with FG especially with the merch. Like could you imagine if they had made FG canon or just kept them friends at the end and modified the merch a bit with a mug instead of a pint glass and slogan's like "Bad/Good Luck Charm"? They would have made BANK!!! Every FG shipper/supporter would be rushing to buy 20 of everything. They really are that bad at their jobs.

I’m so glad you got some amusement out of that, anon! They really did make some atrocious decisions no matter how you look at it or what might potentially happen next volume. I’m not sure who they have running things over there but... they might want to consider changing things up a bit XD. 

Believe me, I was plenty ready to throw my money and soul at them before episode 12 came out, and I know a lot of my fellow FG shippers were as well. Big oops on their part. 

[yarart4ever]

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! HAMILTON ARRIVED ON DISNEY+ A FEW DAYS AGO WHAAAAAAAAAT!!!?????

as you couldn't tell, I am IN LOVE with Hamilton! the musical got me into discovering the musical fandom! sure I was in love with Hairspray and musicals in general but Hamilton was my first actual music obsession!

this is the LIVE SHOW! just recorded professionally! and Imma do my usual review on it! :3

-lol king george's intro at the beginning! XD

-WHO ELSE BOPPED AND GOT EXCITED DURING THE FIRST SONG IN ACT I: ALEXANDER HAMILTON!?

-I like how the crowd is so respectful to the performers and only laughs and claps when necessary!

-the dance choreography! *chefs kiss* perfecto!

-YO! the actors for John Laurens/Philip, Lafayette/Thomas Jefferson and Hercules Mulligan/ Maddison ARE. FINE! they. are. DADDIES! PERIODT!

-okay but like... the actresses for Angelica and Peggy are also pretty fine! like.. UwU WIFEYS!

-Angelica~, (work, work) Eliza~ and PEGGY! the schuyler sisters~! sorry I had to! TvT

-ANGELICA. IS. A QUEEN! PERIODTTTT!!

-lol everything that comes out of King george's mouth is gold! XD

-RIGHT HAND MAN IS A BOP OH MY GOD! (O///o///O)

-aw, Helpless is so wholesome I love it! <3

-okAY BUT SATISFIED IS MY FAVORITE SONG AND IT'S WHAT GOT ME INTO THE HAMILTON FANDOM! I KNOW THE SONG WORD FOR WORD ISTG-

-lmao who else died at raise a glass reprise cuz... XD it got me!

-WAIT FOR IT IS MY SECOND FAVORITE SONG!! (>///o///<) but like show me mother theodosia pls! T^T

-"I'm a general! WEEEE"  Charles Lee~  best quote by far!

-  the way! John Laurens! looks at Alexander! jesus why does he have to be so attractive!?

-damn Alexander got daddy issues! O_O

-that would be enough almost made me cry what??

-EVERYONE GIVE IT UP FOR AMERICA'S VERY HOT FIGHTING FRENCHMAN!... wait that's not the lyrics..

-damn! dying is easy, but living is harder... that hit different! :'(

-THE WORLD TURNED UPSIDE DOWN!! HOLY THAT SONG SLAPSSSS!!

-oml Hercules Mulligan's solo (O///_///O) and he sticks his tongue out too! he's a aggressive top hottie and I am living for it!!!

- what comes next was totally foreshadowing for when Trump becomes president. like, "when your people say they hate you, don't come crawling back to me"! like yo! foreshadowing or what??

-aw dear theodosia! my third favorite song! you know, ever since I heard this I wanted to name my child theodosia so that I could sing her this song as a lullaby.

-NO!!! JOHN LAURENS MY HUSBAND!!! T^T </3 I knew he was gonna die anyway cause I've listened to the sundtrack many times but still! and Alexander was so happy singing about his son and then he hears about John's death I'm- :'( I almost cried again during that song... you can probably tell that I love John Laurens..

-NON STOP THO!! LIKE WHAT!?! THIS SONG WAS AWESOME IN THE SOUNDTRACK AND IT'S MORE AWESOME NOW THAT I'M SEEING IT AND SINGING ALONG!! (>///O///<)

~~intermission~~

-okay okay, act II! I'm ready!! give. me. that. tea!

-THOMAS JEFFERSON! HOLY SH!T HE'S HOT!!! AAAAHHHHH!!!

-OH! AND HE DOES THE KISS!! excuse me while I faint of fangirling...

-aw, poor Maddison is sick. lol corona?? I'm telling y'all they knew what was gonna happen in 2020! like even John wanted to help end black slavery and then there was that george floyd situation now and just... foreshadowing all over! :T

-HOLY CRAP YO THERE'S AN ACTUAL RAP BATTLE!! XD WHAAAATT??? like Jefferson and Hamilton got them mics, they be all up in each other's face roasting each other like bro!

-"turn around, bend over I'll show you where my shoe fits!" OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH! GET ROASTED JEFFERSON BAM WHAT??

- lmao why the fnck do they have an grown a$$ man playing a 9 year old?? XD

-okay, I love the sister dynamic for Angelica and Eliza! they're so cute! and I like how no one questions that even though their races are different they're still related. and it bothers me that people nitpick about that. like leave them alone, they are sisters! periodt!

-oh no it's say no to this... I hate this song... I can't believe Hamilton had an affair with someone he doesn't even know! who cares if she's hot?? you're MARRIED!

-and wait... ain't that the actress who played Peggy in the last act?? sheesh no wonder she's so attractive!

-look at this dude saying "lord show me how to say no to this, I don't know how to say no to this"! LIKE BOI! just say no! tf?? it doesn't matter if she's a fncking model! if I was married to a kind hearted, gentle and just generally an amazing person Like Eliza, and a woman pulled me in their bed and said "stay~" I would've  been like "HAHA nope! peace out my guy, I'm already taken thank you very much and they do it to me better than you ever did! periodt!" and I would leave. it's that easy!

-"and her bodies screaming hell yes" BOI IF YOU DON'T KEEP YOUR D!CK IN YOUR PANTS AND GO HOME ALEXANDER I SWEAR TO FnCKING ALLAH......

-and he fncked up... that's it... I'm done!! Deuses! *gives peace sign and leaves*

-no one else was in the room? okay we getting hype now! XP

-damn Aaron Burr is a great dancer! XD

-oh sh!t oh sh!t there's another rap battle! same people too... everyone take cover! seriously this is not a drill!

-damn! okay did not hear this yet?? uhm so.... Hamilton snapped. and not the good type of snapped too... the moment he was given a opportunity to speak he literally shouted "YOU MUST BE OUTTA YOUR GODDAMN MIND!" and when I tell you I shook....

-"daddy's callin'.." oKAY FIRST OF ALL HOW WRONG DOES THAT SOUND TO YOU??

-lol when Burr came on stage and started singing, Jefferson was so confused he was like "bruh the hell did you come from??" and I died! XD

-oh sh!t Burr and Jefferson are joining forces- LOOK OUT EVERYONE AS THEY BRING THE THUNDER!

-YO THE RAPPING IN THIS SONG IS LIKE WOWZAH! LIKE BARS BRO! :D LIKE FnCKING M&M IS QUAKING!

-"sir, I don't know what you heard but WHATEVER IT IS.... Jefferson started it.." LMFAO ALEX I SWEAR TO GOD XD

-one last time oh no I'm scared this song is gonna make me cry isn't it??

-YEP I WAS RIGHT! I'M CRYING NOW! GREAT!

-George Washington's voice is so powerful oh my lord... and oop! he's crying too! also great! :'D

-my hEART T^T-

-King George Istg STOP! XD

-also yay, I like how they used a woman for the guard/right hand man to the king! as a feminist... I approve UwU

-who else flinched when the king started laughing........ because I did....

-"sit down John you FAT MOTHER FnCKER!" oop... was not expecting that!

-NO ALEX DON'T TELL THEM THEY'RE JOINING FORCES YOU'RE DEAD IF YOU TELL THEM THAT- aaaaaaaand you told them... smart.. real smart -_-

-okay but Thomas' reaction was even more funny on screen then in the sound track X'D

-welp... now Burr's gonna tell everybody.. oh wait no.. ALONG with Jefferson and Maddison... good job, Alexander..

-holy sh!t the reynolds pamphlet! he actually wrote it down?? I mean I knew this happened but STILL! WHAT THE FnCK, HAMILTON?!?

-Jefferson is getting to hype for this I swear XD

-OH CRAP ANGELICA IS HERE!

-"all the way from London? DAYUM!" that's me!

-damn, work it, King George! XP

-YEAH DAMN RIGHT HIS POOR WIFE ELIZA DIDN'T DESERVE THIS! >:(

-aw man, Burn hit's different! especially when you catch your ex cheating on you. if that ever happens, LISTEN TO THIS SONG! trust me!

-I feel so bad for her.. :(

-Philip saying "the scholars say I got the same virtuosity and brains as my pops, the ladies say that's not where the resemblance stops~" MADE ME DIE! LIKE ON THE SPOT! NO JOKE!

-the ladies are getting hype for Philip and honestly I CAN SEE WHY! HE'S A DADDY! DUNNO! UwU

-OOF! BEEF!

-he got shot AGAIN!?!

-he dies AGAIN!?!

-WHY DOES THIS HANDSOME BOI KEEP DYING?? LET HIM LIVE BRO!! T^T

-poor Eliza...

-oh god please no not it's quiet uptown! Imma cry again!

-oop... and now I'm crying again... ain't that fun! :'D

-the way they held hands at the end! T^T be still my heart!

-DAYUM! Hamilton chose JEFFERSON over Burr! oof, that's gotta sting!

-"you know what we can change that, you know why?" me: why? "because I'm the president.." me: *blushes and sweats*.... uh.. ahem... welp, that's enough convincing for me you got it sir!  I am so sorry... TvT

-oh no they about to duel! oh sh!t oh sh!t! I'm scared!

-lol A. Ham! XD I'm sorry I just find that so funny! HAM! AHA do I look like a Christmas meal to you?? lmao

-he's... HE'S AIMING HIS PISTOL AT THE SKY! BURR HOLD UP DON'T SHOOT DON'T-

-... he shot Hamilton...

-seriously Burr??

-Eliza has been through many heartbreaks right now..

-oh this is my 5th favorite song. who lives who dies, who tells your story... I'm gonna cry again, aren't I?

-yep! definitely just cried! that song always hits home for me..

I love this musical so much! no words can describe how much it means to me. so I suggest you listen to the soundtrack yourself, if you haven't and tell me how you feel about it. c:

[connorssock]

Hey thank you again for the story on ao3 with soft Gavin. Not to be a bother but I need more XD Hank/Connor/Gavin/Nines. Maybe Gavin being hurt and hiding it from them because he’s a big tough guy who really just needs cuddles. Especially from Hank. Also loved you managed to write Hank and Nines being cute together (so rare in fics ) I know you already filled my request but if you have any spare time?

So uhhh….this kind of became 5.5k of word vomit? Which didn’t quite end up with traditionally hurt Gavin but there’s drama and angst in there. And Gavin does get put through things yet again. Oops. Hope you still like it!

Alone Yet Part of a Whole

Thing had been so simple. Hank and Connor were a couplewhile Gavin and Nines were one too. Nice, easy and paired off as the worldexpected people to be. Which was why Gavin couldn’t fathom why he had to puthis foot in it. Why he had to mess everything up with a weird late nightconversation when it was all dark, he was curled up against Nines’ chest andhis tongue loosened.

“So you and Connor aren’t brothers?”

“Not in the traditional sense, no. He is my predecessor, weshare a few basic design functions but that’s like saying you and a chimpanzeeare related.”

Gavin snorted at that.

“And who is the chimpanzee between the two of you?”

“Connor. Obviously.”

It was said so flatly that Gavin was helpless to do anythingbut laugh.

“Okay, fine. Since you’re not brothers then I feel you cananswer this age old question that many before have asked: would you fuck yourclone? Because you and Connor are basically the same here, you’re betterequipped to answer it.”

It wasn’t a question Nines deigned to answer but Gavindidn’t take it as discouragement. Instead he hummed at the image.

“You know, it would be pretty fucking hot,” he added.

Behind him Nines froze and Gavin stilled, worried he’d saidtoo much or upset Nines.

“Is that so?” Nines rumbled against his hair, voice pitchedlow. “Should I assume I have your approval?”

It was Gavin’s turn to freeze then he grinned, Nines couldcertainly take a bit of teasing so he easily agreed that his consent was givenwhen it came to Connor.

He should have expected it to bite him in the ass. At firsthe was blissfully oblivious, happy that Nines seemed to want to socialise andsomehow they’d ended up at Hank’s house for dinner. The meal itself was simplebut the company was entertaining. Nines and Connor seemed to be sniping at eachother without relenting; riling themselves up to the point their LEDs were botha solid red. It didn’t warrant any intervention though, they were grinning awayand even Hank seemed to be chuckling away.

For his part, Hank was a delight all things considered. Atfirst Gavin had worried that maybe there’d be some animosity between them butwhen he’d stepped through the door Hank had offered him a hand and a smile.

“What do you say to putting the past behind us?”

And that was that. There were a few hiccoughs, awkwardsilences where neither Gavin nor Hank quite knew what to say, but thankfullyConnor stepped in on those moments and got the conversation flowing again.

Once the meal was over, Connor and Nines cleared the table whileHank and Gavin sat in a partial food coma. There was the soft clatter of dishesbeing scraped, mugs being rinsed and Hank’s eyebrow rose. Most of the noisesfrom behind Gavin stopped until Connor let out a soft giggle. The sound ofkissing filled the room and Hank cleared his throat, cheeks a ruddy red. Theintrigue was too much and Gavin had zero regrets turning around, only to seeNines pinned against the counter by Connor as they kissed. He’d been right, itwas hot.

“You okay with this?” Hank’s question drew his attentionfrom the two making out and he forced himself to look over.

“Sure,” he shrugged and tried to seem casual about it.

At no point did Gavin expect Hank to grin widely and mutter“sweet” before his eyes were drawn back to the little show. By then Nines hadworked a hand under Connor’s shirt and was drawing little panting huffs of airfrom him between kisses.

As quickly as they started, they stopped and turned to thetable with impassive faces, almost like they were expecting a backlash and theydidn’t want to betray the hurt it was going to cause.

“Well, that was quite a show,” Gavin cheered instead andHank lifted his glass in agreement.

That at least got the two smiling and they turned to serveup a pie as dessert. Perhaps Gavin read a little too much into the way Ninespoured cream over his slice before serving it up, but after seeing hisboyfriend make out with Connor, it was kind of expected that his mind would bein the gutter.

When they said their goodbyes for the evening, Connor presseda small peck to his cheek and Hank gave him a bear hug that was surprisinglynice. Meanwhile Nines gave Hank a kiss on the cheek before moving onto Connor.While their kiss was short, Gavin was certain that he slipped a tongue inthere.

Dinners with Hank and Connor became more of a regular affairafter that. Gavin snickered at his poor choice of words because it wasn’t anaffair if all parties were consenting. Perhaps he’d been a little taken abackwhen Nines straddled Hank’s lap for a kiss after dinner one night, but hecouldn’t really complain when he found himself with a lapful of Connor not aminute later. It was surprisingly easy; their little android swapping didn’tneed talking about. Everyone was happy and if sometimes Gavin caught Hankstaring at him with hunger, well, even that wasn’t an unwelcome development.

There was only one tiny issue but Gavin thought he had ahandle on it. The past had a nasty way of clinging to the recesses of the mindand tainting everything. Some evenings, while they ate, Hank would drink abeer. Just a single one, no more and nothing stronger either. Gavin thought hecould deal with it, didn’t make any kind of mention to it, even to Nines. Hewas an adult who knew the past was the past, it had no bearing on the currentpart of his life and if Connor said Hank’s drinking was okay, then Gavin wasgoing to be okay with it.

Still, when after a meal that had Hank sitting next toGavin, bottle of beer half empty on the table, he had a moment of doubt. Theireyes had met while Nines was quietly pulling the cupcakes from the oven andConnor was busy with Sumo. Hank’s eyes flickered down to Gavin’s lips at thesame time Gavin’s flickered to his. The small shrug accompanied by a lopsidedsmile had Gavin leaning in to meet Hank’s lip. It was nice, soft plush lipsagainst his even as the beard and moustache tickled a little. Opening up to thekiss was the easiest thing Gavin had ever done and he welcomed the first swipeof tongue against his.

The taste of beer coated his tongue, clogged everything upwith memories he didn’t care to remember in the moment. It didn’t matterthough, Gavin was rearing away from Hank, stumbling off his chair and backingaway in a panic.

“I can’t, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he had tears gatheringin his eyes even as three pairs of eyes turned to him.

He couldn’t ignore Hank’s look of disappointment, Connor’s confusionor Nines’ frown. Gavin felt he’d let them all down, broke their unity. Onceagain he was the odd one out, the outcast who didn’t fit in.

“I should go,” his voice was a hoarse whisper and before hecould hear any reply, he dashed out the door.

He ran, didn’t know where he was going but he needed an out.The sound of pounding feet behind him, along with his name being yelled didn’tstop him. He needed to let Nines have his happiness with Hank and Connor. Ninesdidn’t need him to pull him back; segregate him just because he’s too goodhearted to leave Gavin. His lungs burned, his side spiked sharply with everybreath and his muscles were ablaze. There was nobody around them and Gavinslowed until Nines caught up to him and grabbed his shoulders to spin him onthe spot.

“Gavin,” Nines breathed and tried to meet his eyes.

“Go back to them. Be happy.”

The tears that had threatened earlier trickled down hischeeks. Gavin made no move to wipe them away; Nines already knew he was brokenso there was no need to hide.

“I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.”

Words clogged Gavin’s throat, he tried to push them out butnothing squeezed through the tightness and his mouth moved silently as he triedto get them out. He didn’t expect Nines to pull him into a crushing hug andjust hold him.

“Some six years back,” Gavin finally managed to croak out,“I had a boyfriend.”

Nines squeezed his arms tighter around him in encouragementand didn’t make Gavin look at him as he spoke. It was a small gesture, but onethat Gavin really appreciated.

“He liked to drink. Actually, he was a functioningalcoholic. And I couldn’t cope with that. So I ended things with him.”

How Nines could understand what he was mumbling into hisshoulder was beyond him. But it seemed that Nines somehow could still makesense of it despite the snot and the tears.

“When I left, he did what he did best. Got drunk beyondcomprehension and decided to come and find me. Got in his car to drive over. Hewrapped the car around a lamppost like a pretzel.”

“Oh Gavin,” Nines sighed into his hair. “I’m so sorry.”

“The irony is,” Gavin laughed a little, “he was fine. Gothis licence taken away but he wasn’t injured. But I can’t do it again. Alcohollaced kisses, not knowing what you’re getting home to. I just can’t. And I knowConnor said Hank isn’t like that anymore but I can’t. I’m sorry.”

Nines held him closer, let Gavin’s tears soak into his shirtas they stood on the sidewalk in the dark.

               The nextday, Gavin anticipated things to be awkward at work. He glanced towards Hankand Connor’s desk guiltily and snatched his gaze away when Connor looked hisway. Shame and worry burned his cheeks which didn’t get any easier when a coffeecup was gently placed by his elbow.

“Nines contacted me last night,” Connor’s voice was low soonly Gavin could hear it, “and we understand.”

Absolution was as easy as that. Gavin gulped down his drinkjust so he could have something to do that wasn’t crying with relief. When hegot a text from Hank that evening for an invite to dinner, he sought out Ninesand silently wrapped his arms around him for a long time.

“I don’t want to get in the way of anyone’s happiness.”

Those were the first words out of Gavin’s mouth afterdinner. Three sets of eyes looked at him; nobody had seemed inclined to bringthe elephant in the room to attention so he’d done it himself.

“Look,” Gavin sighed, “all I’m trying to say is that Ninesis his own man. I’m okay to share him if he wants to continue what he’s gotwith you guys.”

Hank cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable but neitherof the androids looked to be in a rush to reply.

“I’m guessing you and Nines already talked about this?” Hegot a nod in response. “Connor and I talked too. I get it that you’re notcomfortable with alcohol and I won’t insult you by making wild promises. I don’twant to be in the way of your happiness either, okay? So if you, Connor andNines have a thing going on, I’m okay with that too.”

That was unexpected and Gavin could only nod gratefully. He’dbeen expecting a polite rebuff at best, maybe even Hank getting angry andfrustrated at not being trusted. Instead, there was only acceptance and anoffer of a way to work around his hang-ups in a way that kept everybody ashappy as possible. Part of Gavin wanted to badly to be able to trust Hank, tohave the four of them become what they’d been building up towards so slowly.But each time he thought of kissing Hank, he could still taste the beer, seethe pictures of the car wrecked, hear angry words hissed at him, feel theshattered remains of plates bounce off his skin from where they’d been flungagainst the wall behind him too hard. Gavin wasn’t sure what he could do tobelieve Hank that a single beer was all he needed. That Hank simply enjoyed thetaste of the drink.

In the end, it didn’t matter though. The others had acceptedhim as he was and the least he could do was return the favour. There were somenights that Connor came over by himself –usually when Hank was working late.Much the same way as when Gavin was on night shifts without Nines, he had nodoubt that Nines wasn’t home alone.

The thing was, their little arrangement worked. Dinners werestill fun filled and lazy kisses were traded but never between Gavin and Hank.Most of the time they had Connor and Nines sitting either side and they playedfootsie to keep themselves entertained while food was eaten by the other two.They enjoyed each other’s company, teased and jested when the mood took. Evenbetter, all signs of alcohol had disappeared from the table and, if Gavin’soccasional foray into the fridge was to be believed, from the house itself. Itwasn’t a topic he wanted to get hung up on though, so Gavin never mentioned itand neither did anyone else.

Life went on like that. Cases came and went, they laughedand stressed about them, had each other’s backs when needed. Soon, it was timefor the annual ball to honour the emergency services. Each year a differentdepartment hosted it. Last year it had been the fire services, this year it wasthe police’s turn. They’d hired a hall, organised the bar and everything seemedto be going according to plan. The vast majority of the precinct was expectedto attend, including androids.

Oddly enough, over time, Gavin and Hank became firm friends,which was something even other people at the precinct noticed. There wererumours about the four of them which they brushed off with ease then giggledabout over dinner.

One evening Gavin was home alone, Nines was working the lateshift along with Connor so he had a quiet night ahead. Of course it was just ashe’d settled down on the couch that his phone buzzed.

You got a minute? H.

Gavin tried to roll his eyes rather than grin at themessage. No matter how much he’d insisted that Hank doesn’t need to sign histexts, he still got the “H” at the end of each one. It was only when Gavin sawa message crop up on Nines’ terminal from Hank that he realised the signing offwas something reserved specially for him. The affectionate teasing which led tobickering had become a comfort as Gavin call Hank and “old man” while he gotcalled “young whippersnapper” in turn.

For you? Oh alrightthen. –G

Because two could play at that game. He expected Hank tocall him, not for another message to come up almost immediately.

Mind if I pop up for aminute? H.

Sure, place is a messbut I’ve seen yours in a worse state. –G

It only took about ten minutes for Gavin’s doorbell to ring.He let Hank in and settled back on the couch with a sigh.

“Door’s open!” he yelled after the knock and he craned hisneck to watch Hank let himself in. There was a nervous yet excited air around himas he approached, not even bothering to take his shoes off.

“So, uh, I won’t take up much of your time. I just wanted toshow you something,” he fidgeted with something in his pocket nervously.

Briefly, it reminded Gavin of Connor and his coin but thatwas a stupid thought. Hank didn’t need any kind of recalibration, let alonewith a coin. Instead his mind drifted to other ideas. What else could fit in apocket that was small enough to be played around with? A cold weight settled inGavin’s chest at the thought of their roundabouts relationship dissolvingbecause Hank wanted to get married. Maybe he’d gotten two rings for Nines andConnor to avoid any jealousy. It wasn’t like android-human marriages were legalin any sense really, so to be engaged to two of them at the same time wasn’tany less legal in the eyes of the law. Doing his best, Gavin smiled encouraginglyat Hank even as he tried to swallow down his own fears.

“It’s something I’d bother Connor with more,” Hank wasrambling, “but he’s at work. And well, I got it tonight. And I really wanted toshare it with those I love so-“

Hank broke off there and pulled his fist from his pocket.After a moment’s hesitation he held it out to Gavin who reached up, puzzledbeyond words. A small, purple token fell in his outstretched palm and hewatched the way Hank was flushed with embarrassed pride at it. He looked at thetoken which, in golden writing, proudly declared “2 years sober”.

“That’s-” Gavin was at a loss, he looked up at Hank, “that’sgreat. Well done!”

He smiled then and watched the matching grin blossom on Hank’sface.

“Yeah, well. That’s all I wanted to show you really. I’mgoing to head home, didn’t have time to eat before the meeting today.”

“Stay,” Gavin’s voice was soft as he passed the token backto Hank. “I’m sure I could rustle up something for you. You could always pickConnor up on your way home.”

They ended up sitting on the sofa for the rest of the evening,shoulders pressed together as Hank munched on the sandwich Gavin had puttogether for him. Occasionally his hand would stray to his pocket as though hecouldn’t quite believe the token he had stashed in there.

“Hey, so I have a question,” Gavin finally mumbled.

“Shoot.”

“Your token, it says 2 years,” he trailed off at that,uncertain how to ask without offending.

“So how come I was drinking beer not six months ago?”

Thankfully Hank had enough wits about him to figure outGavin’s question without making him suffer more. He chuffed out a little laugh.

“It says sober and not tee total. I know, most people cutout not back but…I really liked the taste of beer. But I haven’t had any sincethat night. So I guess it’s about six months tee total too.”

Gavin didn’t know what to say to that. He nodded mutely andswallowed hard at the idea that Hank gave up something he’d enjoyed for him.Even when he’d so dramatically rejected him earlier.

“Connor and Nines know. I didn’t know how to bring it upwith you without making it seem like I was pressuring you,” Hank pulled hisfingers along the plate to swipe up the last couple of crumbs to distract fromhis discomfort.

Silently, Gavin pressed into his shoulder with a bit moreforce in thanks. He wasn’t certain what he could say to that either withoutsounding like a fool. Almost thankfully, Hank’s alarm rang through theapartment, signalling it was time for him to go pick Connor up.

“Anyway, thanks for the sandwich and the company,” Hankpushed up from the sofa and took the plate to the sink. He stood by the doorwith an awkward smile, hand on the handle.

“Thanks, for everything,” Gavin offered with a half-smile.Things had never been this awkward between them and it felt wrong. The way Hankfidgeted by the door, as though he’d had something more to say set Gavin onedge.

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” he grumbled and reached for Hank,pulled him into a hug that was at first stiff and uncomfortable until Hankwrapped his arms around him in turn.

“I’ll see you on Friday evening for dinner, yeah?”

“Sure, bring those tiny biscuit things you sometimes make? I’dbeen dreaming about them,” Hank mumbled into his hair and Gavin laughed.

“Get going, Connor will be home before you at this rate.”

               OnFriday Gavin took two batches of the requested cookies much to Connor’schagrin. While he did his best to resist controlling Hank’s diet and beingimposing, he still cared about his wellbeing so the contradiction between thetwo often made his LED spin red.

Dinner held a new crackle of energy that fizzled betweenthem with each gentle tease and touch. The looks Hank and Gavin exchanged weren’tmissed by the other two and very quickly their seating arrangement had changedso they could be next to each other. There was a hint of smugness that radiatedfrom Nines and elation from Connor that was contagious and it further fuelledthe mood between them. At long last, even dessert was finished; Hank lookeddelighted by the small mound of Gavin’s baking and even Nines nibbled on one ofthem contemplatively.

“These are fucking great,” Hank mumbled happily with hismouth full of biscuits.

“Yeah well, someone did request them,” Gavin smiled easily.

Their eyes met and for a moment it was all silent before heglanced away with a small flush. Thankfully rather that comment, Connor subtlypulled Nines away towards the sink to tidy away. It gave Gavin and Hank amoment of false privacy as the two by the sink shamelessly peered their way.Thankfully Gavin missed the moment Nines slapped a hand over Connor’s mouth,too caught up in the way Hank’s lips felt under his.

Thing only got easier from then on. Sure, there were momentsof awkwardness and giggles, especially when Connor walked in on Gavin on hisknees in front of Hank unexpectedly, but on the whole it was like they wereliving in a bubble. At home, they were at ease with each other, comfortable ina way none of them knew they could be.

               It wasthe Emergency Services’ Ball. All four of them were moderately nicely dressedby their relative standards. Gavin had even put a suit jacket over his t-shirtwhile Hank toned down his shirt to something only moderately migraine inducing.They walked in together, jostling and laughing as people greeted them.Thankfully it wasn’t jam packed, people were broken up into little clusters,some even dared mingle rather than the usual divide of groups dictated by theirprofession.

First off though, they needed drinks to keep their handsoccupied. Nines signalled to the bartender, an android who nodded at thewordless order. Pretty quickly, two thiriums, a sparkling water and an orangejuice appeared in front of them.

“Cheers,” Gavin raised his glass and took a sip.

While they were together, they weren’t joined at the hip.First to drift was Hank when he spotted Fowler and he waved the others goodbyeto have a chat. Soon after, Connor and Nines were drawn into a group discussionwith other androids about working rights and comparative human limitations thatmeant humans needed more recuperation time than them. It left Gavin alone atthe bar as he sipped his drink.

Just as he was getting ready to find Tina and Chris who he’dwaved to earlier, three men approached.

“Hey there, Gavin, right?” one of them asked.

He looked vaguely familiar and Gavin tried to remember wherehe’d seen him before. Finally it clicked.

“Rhys! Down at the fire station. We met at the arson scenedown by the docks, didn’t we?”

“You remembered! These are my friends, Stu and Dean. Thoughtyou looked a little lonely so we came to be friendly. Can we buy you a drink?”

Without waiting for Gavin’s response, Rhys was alreadysignalling the bartender for “the same again for my good friend here.” Thedrinks kept coming, conversation flowed easily, it was nice to be able to chatmindlessly about not quite work. Every once in a while Gavin bought a round tooand relished the company.

He’d lost track of the drinks, whose turn it was to buy around. Even the conversation around him began to blur. His head felt heavy, itwas too warm and drinking so much had caught up with him.

“Excuse me,” he slurred, “bathroom.”

Words were difficult to force out, his tongue felt thick inhis mouth. With some difficulty he pushed himself off the barstool and theworld tumbled.

“Woah there,” Rhys’ voice was loud in his ear. “Had a bittoo much to drink, haven’t you?”

Gavin tried to protest, shrug the unwelcome hands off hisshoulder and waist but he couldn’t lift his arms. He tried to speak out butwords eluded him as he staggered.

“Rumour has it; you bend over for any dick, be it plastic orflesh. We just wanted our turn on the DPD bike.”

The words sent a chill down Gavin’s spine, he didn’t wantthat but coherent thoughts eluded him. A burning fear along with “no” floodedhis senses but he was powerless to string together a simple sentence.

Across the room, Hank glanced up from his conversation withFowler. He spotted Nines and Connor in their little group and smiled at howhappy they looked. The bar stool Gavin had been slumped on was empty and hisnewfound friends were nowhere in sight either. It made Hank frown; he liked tokeep a quiet eye on those he cared about. Movement caught his eye towards theback door; a group looked like they were stumbling drunkenly for some freshair. However, a second glance and only one of them seemed to be absolutelywasted while the other three were guiding him out. In a chilling realisationHank watched as Gavin tried to squirm out of the grip one of the group had onhim, face twisted in confused worry.

Instantly, he was picking his way across the hall, pushingpeople out of his way to reach the group before they set a foot outside. Herounded on them with a few meters to spare.

“Everything alright gents?” he asked, as casual as possible.

“Everything just fine. Poor Gavin here can’t hold his drinkthough, so we taking him for a bit of fresh air.”

Part of Hank was relieved to see Connor and Nines slinkingup behind the group, flanking them.

“Gavin’s been drinking?” Hank’s eyebrows rose in disbelief.

“We can take him from here,” Nines stepped up and smoothlyreplaced Rhys as the main support for Gavin.

“Hey now, we were just trying to help!” Rhys protested evenas Gavin wriggled in Nines’ grip.”

“Hank,” he whined pushed against Nines’ hold and futilelystruggled towards Hank.

Nines released him and in a stumble Gavin crashed againsthis intended target. Instinctively, Hank wrapped his arms around him, pulledhim close and a surge of protectiveness blazed through him. Their little scenewas already drawing stares and Connor disappeared into the crowd with his LED awild red. The more people who paid them attention the better. Nines’ LED was asolid red too and androids gathered around them. It made Hank think of the timeConnor had explained that when distressed, androids could send out a beacon torequest assistance and any available android who was willing to help wouldconverge on the signal. Humans dotted the crowd too, drawn in by the potentialspectacle.

“What’s he been drinking?” Hank asked forcefully.

The three opposite him gawped, trying to find the correctlie.

“Orange juice, the bartender has only served Detective Reedorange juice,” Connor piped up from behind them, eyes slanted in a hard glare.He stepped towards Gavin. “I need to obtain a sample to confirm my suspicions.”

He didn’t give Gavin or Hank a chance to protest, grippedGavin’s chin gently and pressed lips against his. A tongue licked against Gavin’sin a quick flick and Connor was drawing away again, LED flashing between yellowand red.

“Well?” Fowler was the one to question him this time. He’dwandered over in the hopes of helping prevent the brawl he’d been halfanticipating all night.

“Flunitrazepam. More commonly known as rohypnol.”

Gasps went up around them and Hank pulled Gavin closer asworst case scenarios flooded through his mind. The what ifs of not noticing, orrealising too late that he wasn’t in the hall. Going in search for him and findinghim in the alley the back door led to.

“Bathroom,” Gavin whimpered into his shoulder and Hankstraightened.

“Get him home safely,” Fowler nodded. “Nines, Connor you’retoo close to this case. Let others handle this.”

The two androids sneered, cuffs already in hand but steppedaway when Miller, Collins and Chen moved in to arrest the three instead.

“I’ll get the car,” Nines seethed while Connor glared at thegroup.

At Gavin’s soft whine, Hank broke out of his reverie andscooped him up. A trip to the bathroom gave Connor and Nines enough time to getthe car to the door and they could get home safely.

The car ride was silent; Gavin was slumped against Hank, feelingsafe in his warmth and bulk. He dozed fitfully, not quite aware of hissurroundings but content in the knowledge that if Hank was there, things weregoing to be okay.

               In themorning, Gavin woke with a groan. His head was pounding and he had no ideawhere he was. The bed under him was soft; it didn’t have the tell-tale lump byhis hip which would have meant he was home. Next, he realised that he wasn’talone. There was a wall of warmth in front of him, an arm slung over his ribsand he himself was doing his best impression of a clingy octopus. A leg over ahip, one hand curled against a chest while the other arm was haphazardly clingingto a half hug.

“How you feeling?” the chest he was curled into rumbled.Gavin hummed in discontent as the sound ramped up his headache.

“Take these,” another voice from the foot of the bedwhispered.

Hands helped Gavin sit up and the whole world swayed gently.A glass of water was pushed towards Gavin along with a couple of pills which hetook without question. He let the half empty glass be taken from him.

“I’ll take over for a bit,” Connor murmured and helped Hankup from the bed.

Immediately, Gavin missed the warmth and the comfort, mindhazy about what actually happened last night. He couldn’t find himself to carein the moment as Connor pulled him closer and rubbed his back, lulling him backto sleep.

Outside the bedroom, Hank took a deep breath. He’d spentmost of the night with Gavin curled around him, clingy and whining whenever he’dtried to leave. His back hurt, he needed a shower and maybe a nap. DespiteNines and Connor sitting with them and reassuring him they’ll keep an eye onGavin’s vitals, Hank couldn’t find it in himself to fall asleep. The slowsteady breaths Gavin drew were not as frequent as he’d liked. He couldn’t helpthe worry that flooded him; the need to make sure Gavin was okay with his owneyes even when he had two androids promising they’d make sure Gavin got throughthe night okay.

“Here,” Nines’ voice was soft in his ear as hands pressedfirmly against his shoulders, eased the knots away with borderline painfulsqueezes.

Hank sighed as the tenseness all but melted out of his tiredmuscles. Cuddling with a half aware and needy Gavin throughout the night washard work it turned out. As though Nines could read his mind, he huffed out alaugh.

“Take a warm shower; it will help you feel better. Then backto bed with you, I’ll have breakfast ready on the bedside table.”

Hank nodded mutely and dragged himself to the bathroom.Steam curled through the air when a pair of arms wrapped around him frombehind.

“Connor,” he rumbled and got a peck to his shoulder inreward.

“How did you know it was me?”

“I’d know you from anywhere. I love you, remember?”

“I love you too,” Connor replied and reached for theshampoo. He helped Hank wash even as he stole kisses from his every now andthen. By the time they were clean and back in the bedroom, Gavin was sat up inbed, Nines behind him like the world’s most unimpressed pillow.

Things should have been awkward, Gavin glanced away fromthem with a blush but Connor wasn’t having any of it. He dove onto the bed andignored Nines’ scowl as he tried to keep the bowl in his hand from spilling itscontent.

“How you feeling?” Hank asked as he made his more sedate wayonto the bed.

“I don’t think I’ve been this hungover since the first weekof the academy. What the hell happened last night?”

“You got roofied,” Nines said and Gavin stilled in his arms.

“Fuck.”

“Yeah,” Hank agreed, “sorry we almost didn’t realise untilit was too late.”

“I’ve had an update from the precinct. The perpetrators havebeen detained, questioned and will be sentenced in a couple of weeks. You willnot need to give evidence,” Connor’s voice was low even as he wriggled closerto the other two and butted his way into the cuddle. He stuck an arm out andpulled Hank into the pile with no resistance.

Gavin looked over at them, face inscrutable until he smiledsoftly.

“Thanks guys. I don’t know what I’d do without you all.”

Nines squeezed him into a tighter hug.

“And we wouldn’t know what we’d do without you.”  

[lovingikesen]

About Me Tag

Thanks to @lovingsiriusoswald and @ellysilver for the tag!

The rules are:

Tag the person who tagged you.

Answer the question.

Tag 10 people.

How tall are you?

155 cm, i think its 5′1

What color and style is your hair?

Light brown with blonde ends, i dont do that much to my hair anymore, i used to dye it a lot but decided to give it a rest and honestly i like it how it is xD but i did everything that i wanted to my poor hair, maybe thats why i dont feel like doing too much with it now.

What color are your eyes?

💩

Do you wear glasses?

Only for read and when using the computer, but i should wear them always xD oops

Do you wear braces?

I should but dental health is expensive in here. Someday, hopefully

What’s your fashion sense?

I have 0 fashion sense, if i like it i wear it xD it depends on the mood and the weather, but you will see on my clothes a lot of neutral colors and sometimes orange/baby pink.

Full name?

Just Kathia (but people always pronnounce it wrong, lol)

When were you born?

December 15

Where are you from and where do you live now?

Chile and Chile xD if you want more emotion, we came from the north of my country and when i was like 3 months we move to Santiago (center), aaah yes, i love those summers that burn you to death in 5 seconds and winters that frooze your teeth

What school do you go to?

I went to a catholic school and went to an university that has only careers related to comunication and art

What kind of student are you?

Im the one that procastinate a lot, always been super quiet and always forget my stuff at home xD like art materials and stuff. In university i was pretty quiet too but i had a lot of problems with some teachers because they were, honestly, terrible.

Do you like school?

Like elementary and high school? nah, i have a really a hard time in that, elementary was ok actually, but high school was hell.

Favorite subject?

On school was biology and history, on university i dont know xD i love the career that i choose is hard to choose just one subject. But as a random fact we had a semester of acting for animation and we had to act, was a lot of fun

Favorite TV show?

On an actual TV i like to see documentals...xD i feel old saying that lol but if we talk about Netflix and things like that i have a lot. I think that How I Met Your Mother hit me hard, especially beacuase i saw it after a long relationship break up.

Favorite movie?

I can name various...xD Harry Potter, Lord of the rings, How to train your dragon, Kubo (has anyone see it? its so fucking good animated), Nightmare before christmas, Coraline, a lot of Tim Burton and classicals from Disney, About Time (its precious), Leon (the professional), Kiki’s delivery Service, Ponyo, Princess Mononoke and, oh, did you say it was just one? im sorry, i couldnt xD

Favorite books?

Besides HP and Lord of the rings xD theres others but have no idea if they are on english too, im sorry, gonna leave them anyways Historia de una gaviota y del gato que le enseñó a volar - Luis Sepúlveda  El Inquisidor - Patricio Sturlese La casa de los Espíritus - Isabel Allende Donde los árboles cantan - Laura Gallego García Un duende a rayas - María Puncel (a child book but it gives me good memories whsgj) And a lot of other books that i read on elementary school, they gave us a lot of fun books to read.

Favorite pastime?

I dunno, read? 

Do you have any regrets?

Like most of us

Dream job?

Concept artist or something related to that

Would you ever like to be married?

Im conflicted with that, i like the “ceremony”, like the party xD but not really care about the title of husband and wife, actually i find more pretty the term of fiance, like “hey, have u meet my fiance? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)” lol

Would you like to have kids?

Im not sure, a part of me yes (but in at leats 10 years more) and other part of me is scared to death of giving birth

How many?

No more than 2, im sure that with just one i will be pretty traumatized xD

Do you like shopping?

Yes and no, i enjoy it from time to time but its really exhausting too, not to mention that im broke af

What countries have you visited?

Just my own country ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Scariest nightmare you ever had?

Maybe one when i was like 9, in resume the scary part was when a teacher of my school hold my hand and begin to squeeze it and when i tried to take my hand off, i look at her face and she was becoming like a demon, yes, a demon xD i couldnt look at that teacher for months, poor woman

Any enemies?

Who knows, maybe, at least im not aware of them

Any significant other?

Yes (◡‿◡✿)

Do you believe in miracles?

Yes

How are you?

I have a cold, its the weirdest cold i ever had 

.

Tagging: @your-average-pyro, @elievalentine, @otome-dreams, @wishiwasfictionaltoo, @lovesluka, @kitsuhide, @valfraeyja, @justine-the-guillotine, @nosebleedingfangirl, @blackarmyslave. Im sorry if you have already been tagged!

[yuzusorbet]

My Sendai Holiday (April 2018) - Part 2:  Ice Rink Sendai

Part 1 was about Yuzuru’s Olympic Victory Parade, the main purpose of my trip. The other purpose was to just enjoy being in Yuzu’s hometown.  After I became his fan (since 2014 Sochi Olympics), Sendai is a place that I often saw in photos and videos and read about (and translated about), and so I have been wanting to visit for the longest time.  The 2018 victory parade made it the perfect time to go.  Yuzu said during one press conference, “By all means, please come to Sendai and spend some money.”   And so I did!  :D 

(It’s another one of my VERY long posts, haha.  I want to remember all my emotions and all the wonderful things that I experienced.) 

--------------------------

My first afternoon in Sendai, I had no plans but my heart was yearning to go to Yuzu’s home rink.  I knew I would be going there the next day with a friend Ella, but I realised I couldn’t wait!  This is the rink where Yuzu grew up, the rink that he loves, the rink that he donates all his royalties from his 2 autobiographies to (‘Aoi Hono’ 1 & 2).   It was recently renovated (in the 2nd half of 2017) with ideas/suggestions from him and Shizuka Arakawa.   So I found myself going to the tourist information centre in Sendai Station to get directions to Ice Rink Sendai.  (The tourist info centre is awesome!  Photo above.  There is staff who speak very good English.  I did not need to use my Japanese at all.)

There are 2 ways to get to the rink and I chose the 50-minute bus ride.  I wanted to relax on the bus and see the neighbourhood and eat my ‘zunda mochi’ and ‘zunda pudding’ (Sendai specialty, sweet deserts made from edamame, bought from a shop in the station)  (Yuzu ate zunda mochi in ‘Weekend Sendai’ photo shoot).  It was a delicious and scenic ride.  

Photo above: Nanakita River and Yurtec Stadium, home to J.League club Vegalta Sendai (and also to Vegatta-kun, the eagle mascot that loves Yuzu very much xD).  Being in the Nanakita area means the rink is near!

After alighting at the right stop (I checked with the bus driver to be sure), I looked around wondering where the rink was.... then I saw this ‘Fun-te’ sign;  Ice Rink Sendai’s name and logo is there too! 

Turning right at the sign, soon I saw a familiar building.

I am here!!!  The rink that I’ve seen in videos and photos, and read so much about!  There was a banner hanging down one side: “Congratulations, Hanyu Yuzuru senshu, gold medal”.

After entering through the glass doors, I saw this beautiful sight.......

Along the left wall was a Yuzu-in-kimono standee and LOTS of messages on the wall.  They were support messages to Yuzu written before PyeongChang Olympics.  Many of them were written on specially made oval-shaped paper with the words “PyeongChang 2018 Olympics; Ganbare!! Hanyu-senshu!!” at the top of the paper.  The photo below is a close-up of 2 such messages.  

These two were written by members of Pandalion, the Sendai group that composed cheer songs for Yuzu for both Olympics.  One message says ‘Forever supporting you!!’ and the other says ‘You are a phoenix!!’ (the kanji is literally: You are the bird that never dies!)   I was so touched reading the messages.  They were all written during the long silent period when Yuzu was recovering from injury.  The people here kept on believing in him (and I’m so proud to say I did too).  

Next to all the support messages was a whiteboard with Yuzu’s messages from past years.  The first one has no date but I saw a photo of it a long time back.  It says: ‘Even though we are apart, our hearts are one!!  Everyone “forward”!!  I will also work harder and become strong!’  (my translation) And he signs off with a little mushroom drawing next to his name.  Reading it, I felt again how much he loves his hometown and how difficult it was for him to leave Sendai to train in Toronto.  (His desire to become a better skater was so strong, he knew sacrifices had to be made.)   The other 2 messages are from 2014 (thanking everyone for their support) and 2017 (congratulations on the 10th anniversary).  

Further down this left wall was the entrance to a little exhibition gallery with photos and memorabilia of Shizuka Arakawa and Yuzuru.  Photo-taking is not allowed in this part.  But here are 3 photos from news sources (thanks to ElenaC):  

The cutest thing was a pair of small, black skating boots with a name labeled on the blades, ‘はにゅう ゆづる’ (’Hanyu Yuzuru’ in hiragana)..... could be his earliest pair of skates!     

On the right side near the entrance is the ticket machine and the reception counter.   You buy a 200-yen ticket if you want to enter the rink area to look around and watch people skate.  If you want to rent a pair of skates and do some actual skating, you buy the 1700-yen ticket.    

Straight ahead were glass panels and a set of glass doors that lead to the ice rink.  There is a sign on the door saying photography is not allowed inside.  The young lady at the reception counter explained that it is for protecting the privacy of the children skating there.

It was quiet and peaceful on this day of my 1st visit.   In the reception/exhibition area, there were only 3 or 4 people slowly looking at the messages, photos and exhibits.  After spending some time here, I bought a 200 yen ticket and entered the area where the rink is.  

There were many skaters in the rink.  The first things that caught my eyes were 2 big posters of Yuzu on the opposite side of the rink;  they were the ‘Aoi Hono’ posters (Book 1 and 2).... wow..... so beautiful......  I walked around and then I sat down on one of the viewing benches to watch the skating.  Most of the skaters were school children having skate lessons after school.  

After a while, a lady who looked familiar entered the rink and started to coach a group of children.  It was Nanami Abe-sensei!!!!  Aww....... I felt so happy to see her!  The coach who was with Yuzu in so many of his earlier videos, the coach who was in tears after his legendary R&J in Nice 2012, the great coach that I have read so much about...... my heart was just so moved to see her for real in person.  She was in a longish black down jacket, with short cropped hair and black-framed specs.  

Pic below:  there is a photo of her in the poster on the right, and a photo of her and other coaches of Ice Rink Sendai. The poster on the left shows the exhibition area before the renovation of the rink.  (These posters are in the outer area where the message board is.)

She was coaching a group of children who looked about 12 years old to early teens (about 5 girls and 1 boy).   I just sat there watching them, feeling very happy and contented. 

After some time, I suddenly I heard Nanami-sensei saying in Japanese, “Photos are not allowed.  Please do not take photos.”  I realised that 2 ladies sitting on a bench near me were using their handphones to take photos.  Oops..... maybe they forgot that it was not allowed in here.  Nanami-sensei then came out of the ice rink and was now walking towards our benches!  She went to the ladies and said politely but firmly, “Please delete the photos that you took.”  They were not Japanese but Nanami-sensei just repeated herself until they understood.  She stood there and watched them as they deleted the photos in their phones, and then she went back into the rink and continued with her class.  Wow..... that was so cool!!!  She is so cool!!!  I sat there watching her with a HUGE amount of respect and feeling even more in awe of her!  (And I couldn’t help feeling a little scared of her too, haha!) 

I stayed there watching the skaters until it was closing time (6pm).  Of course, I was tempted to skate as well.  But I know I can’t skate to save my life and the ice is so hard..... I was afraid of falling and breaking something and not being able to go for Yuzu’s victory parade!  I decided I would just have to come back here another day after the parade. :)) 

The next day was Saturday, ie. the day before the parade.  My friend Ella had arrived in Sendai and I came to the rink with her.  What a big difference today.... there was a long queue to go in!  (The rink would be closed on parade day itself.) Pic below:  I was waiting in line near the main entrance when I took this photo. The glass doors at the end lead to the ice rink.  The banner hung above the doors says “PyeongChang Olympics 2018 figure skating Japan representative, Hanyu Yuzuru senshu, gold medal congratulations”.   

Pic below: I was now inside and I took this photo from the opposite direction.

Because it was crowded, we didn’t stay long.  Ella had a good look at the whole place and we both knew we would come back again soon.   So we headed to a very nice Starbucks nearby and relaxed there with our frappuccinos.  

Next to it was a big bookshop with a poster of Yuzu’s book ‘Yume wo Ikiru’ prominently displayed outside.  Of course, we went in for a while. :) 

Lots of beautiful books inside. :) 

For the return journey in the afternoon, there were no buses that go to Sendai Station (they only run in the morning with a last bus at 1.35pm).  It’s a short bus ride or a 20-min walk to the nearest station ‘Izumi Chuo Station’ and then take the subway.  (Note: bus schedules may change according to month/season.)

Next day = Yuzu’s Parade Day = the hottest day ever recorded for April in Sendai.  After the parade, the next few days were grey and rainy.  I was so grateful thinking back to parade day...... thank God it was hot and sunny!  (link to my parade day post is at the bottom of this post)  With the parade over, it was safe to do some ice skating!   So one rainy day, I went back to Ice Rink Sendai.

My initial plan was to take a walk around the Nanakita area, have a look at Nanakita Elementary School (that Yuzu attended) and Nanakita Park (where Yuzu sat on a bench in ‘Weekend Sendai’ mag), and then head to the rink.  But it was not good weather for being outdoors.  I decided to go to the rink first; maybe the rain would stop later and I could go to the park and the school after skating.  

Pic below: on the way there by bus again.

In Ice Rink Sendai, the staff at the reception counter were the same ladies that I saw on the other 2 days, and one of them remembered me from my previous visits!  haha, that made me so happy! :D  

I handed them 2 postcards for Yuzu, one written on behalf of the FB International Fan Group and one from myself.  The staff said they would pass them to him. :)  Then one of them helped me with the purchase at the ticket machine;  I paid 300 yen for a pair of plain grey gloves (mascot Irene gloves were out of stock but it’s ok cos I do have a pair at home) and 1700 yen for skating and rental of skates.  I asked her “how many hours”, I thought it would be for 2 or 3 hours, but she said, “Until closing time.” Oh wow!  You mean I can skate here the whole day???  Glad the rain made me come here earlier than planned!

Then she asked me if I wanted a ‘point card’ even though I may not be able to use it -- you get a stamp for each session, and 5 stamps will give you one free session.   I had told her on my first visit that I don’t live in Japan and I came because of the parade, so she knew it would be hard for me to make use of it (card expires in one year).  It was so nice of her to offer me one.... I told her I would keep it as a souvenir.  How I wish I could skate here 5 times a year!  

I entered the area of the rink.  It was so quiet!  There were only 3 adults skating as most children were still in school; their lessons would start later in the afternoon.  For now, it felt like I had the whole rink to myself!   I went to the rental skates counter and the staff helped me to get the right size of skate boots.  

Then, one thing really, really surprised me.  The staff actually asked a coach to look after me for a while!  A female coach with a very kind and sweet face came to me as I was wearing my skates and said she would give me some guidance.  Wow..... what a kind gesture from them!!!  I was so touched!  Thank you, staff-san and sensei!!!

Pic below:  I am ready to skate!

Sensei showed me how to get onto the ice safely and how to move forward and how not to fall.  We went very slowly round the rink together as I practised what she showed me.   At first, I was very nervous and afraid of falling.... I know how painful it is!  Then I started to get more comfortable on the ice and more confident, thanks to her instructions.  And I love the ice!!!  It was very dry throughout and very nice to skate on.  I moved slowly around the rink, with Sensei patiently skating next to me.   

Sensei was so warm and friendly, and chatted to me as we skated. (Once again, I felt very thankful that my Japanese is good enough for a decent conversation.)  She said she loves skating and she has been teaching here for many years.   I told her that I have been a Yuzu-fan since Sochi Olympics and I had come to Sendai for the victory parade and I really wanted to visit his home rink.  So here I was!  She was very happy to hear that and thanked me for coming.  Then she told me that she was already coaching here when Yuzu was a little boy and he was so cute with his mushroom hair!  Oh WOW!!!!!  I am skating with someone who knew him as a kid!!!  I felt so privileged to have her company!  We started to talk about how great he is, not only as a skater, but as a person as well.  It was very obvious that Sensei is extremely proud of him. :)   She also told me some funny anecdotes.  She said that among the little kids that she teaches now, the boys say, “When I grow up, I want to be Hanyu-kun.”   And the girls say, “When I grow up, I want to marry Hanyu-kun.”  Hahaha....... SO CUTE!!!!!

As my ‘lesson’ progressed, children and teens started to arrive at the rink for their lessons.  As we continued to skate slowly round the rink, students would skate up to greet Sensei.  She responded to each one with a gentle nod and a smile. These were all her former students, she told me.  What lovely students, I thought.  So well-mannered and respectful...... just like a guy I know. Ci  

Then Sensei said it was time for her to get ready for her lesson with some children, so she would leave me to practice on my own.  I thanked her profusely for her kindness and she replied that she really enjoyed teaching me. :D  

Before she went off, she made sure I was ok.  Told me that if I feel cold, there is a ‘warm room’ where I can enter with my skates and sit for a while.  If I am hungry, there is a lounge where I can get food and have a rest, but no skates allowed there so I need to change back into my normal shoes for that room. She also said there are a lot of Yuzu’s books and magazines there so I should go and take a look!!!  haha.... Sensei really understands the heart of a fan!  Ice-resurfacing was going to start at 3pm;  no skating for 30 minutes, perfect time to head to the lounge!   

If you want to see the place, here is a link with 3 news videos:  twitter.  And this is an English news article with a few photos. 

The lounge is a very comfortable place with neat rows of tables and chairs.  And there are really a lot of Yuzu’s books and magazines there! Nicely displayed on a few low shelves that encircle a cosy sitting area further inside.

WOWWWW......................

I CAN STAY HERE ALL DAY........

There were vending machines selling drinks and hot food.  I got a box of ‘yaki onigiri’ (grilled rice balls which I love), selected a few mags and sat by the huge glass windows that look out towards the rink.  “Itadakimasu!”   

What a perfect meal.

Soon, the zamboni had done its job and the skaters were out on the ice again.  I found it so hard to leave the lounge..... I wanted to look through ALL the magazines first!  But the rink closes at 6pm..... there was not much time left to skate.  So after spending a bit more time on the mags, I tore myself away and went back outside to put on my skates.  

Now there were several coaches on the ice and different classes were going on. I waved to Sensei who was teaching a tiny little boy..... awww Yuzu must have been like that when he started.....  And then, I saw Nanami-sensei again!  She came into the rink and started to coach a group of older children.  I continued to skate slowly round and round the rink, trying my best NOT to stare and to concentrate on my own practice.  I admire her so much as a coach and choreographer that I couldn’t help feeling excited to be skating near her. xD 

The older children were practising jumps and spins.  There were also a few adults skating.  Everyone was so good and I must have stuck out like a sore thumb.  But surprisingly, I was not embarrassed nor self-conscious.  I think I must have been too overwhelmed with happiness to feel anything else. :D

Too soon, it was closing time.  I returned my skates and thanked the staff for their help and kindness.  I went outside and saw that it was still raining!!!  And I had totally forgotten about checking the weather and trying to go to Nanakita-koen, haha!   

I was putting up the hood of my parka when I heard someone call my name.  It was the coach who had taught me..... Sensei!   She asked me where I was going and I told her I was going to take the bus and then the subway to Yaotome Station.  ‘Rikyu’, a restaurant near there has very delicious grilled liver and beef tongue, and also Yuzu’s signature, haha.  And then, I got another HUGE surprise of the day.... she said she could send me there in her car!!!  I quickly declined her offer, gosh how could I trouble her!  But she assured me that the restaurant was on her way. She also said it was getting dark very quickly because of the rainy weather and she would worry about me trying to look for it in the dark.  And again insisted it was no trouble for her as she was going that way.  Awww...... Sensei, you’re too kind for words!!!  I asked her to join me for dinner but she said she had to run some errands, so she couldn’t.  We went to her car which was parked in the huge parking area outside Ice Rink Sendai and I had a very quick and comfortable journey to the restaurant.  Sensei, domo arigato gozaimashita!!!  

(Note of caution in case there are very young fans reading this: do NOT get into a car with someone you don’t know.)

(Photo above:  I took this photo of the restaurant after I waved goodbye to Sensei and I was waiting to cross the road.  There was a light drizzle.)

What a rainy day.... but oh how grateful I am for it!  It made me spend the whole afternoon at Yuzu’s home rink and I experienced the immense warmth and kindness of the people there!   Thank you, Ice Rink Sendai!  Thank you, Sensei!   

Part 1: victory parade day Part 3: coming up.... I will write about the rest of the trip, like going to places with Yuzu’s signature. :))   Update: Part 3 and Part 4

[Please do not use or re-post my stuff without my permission]

[existentialyoutubers]

interactive introverts milwaukee

i know it’s late but here is a list of ~spoilery~ things that happened at the milwaukee show! 

(seriously, it’s super full of spoilers so don’t read if you haven’t seen the show yet/don’t want to know what happens)

(also this got long as heck so enjoy?)

Simulation:

-Phil said they spent billions of Milwaukee dollars on it -Dan called them “cheese coins, because that’s a thing” -there was a Horse Prince reference at the beginning (Dan’s head on a horses body) -Dan made a comment about how of all the references we were going to get, we probably weren’t expecting that -Dan yelled at us for cheering for Satan (it’s because he’s shirtless isn’t it?) -he kept bringing up that the people in the balcony loved Satan -also commented that clearly they weren’t in Texas anymore because of that -Phil’s ending was him going home to watch “Fletnix” and crying -they yelled at us for making Phil cry -Phil asking if we wanted Dan to go through the Lady Door -Dan’s ending had him sneaking into the girls bathroom at a furry rave, hitting his head, and dying -Dan was indignant at this “THAT WAS THE WORST POSSIBLE ENDING YOU COULD GET” Survey: -clipboards and glasses -“everyone knows glasses make you smarter” -Dan dabbed for math and Phil yelled at him -“you can’t dAB for mATH” -“yes I can watch me” *Dan dabs again* -pie chart (Dan said they spent their entire budget on that pie chart so that was the peak of the show) -12% of people said they didn’t know who Dan and Phil were and the boys were SO CONFUSED -“whERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE RIGHT NOW?” -“is it all the parents???” -“what do you think this is, Shrek the musical?” -16% of people said danandphilCRAFTS is their favorite video series and they were even more confused -Dan was on the wheel and he was not happy about it -he kept trying to get Phil to shoot random people in the audience -Phil was wearing an apron and rubber gloves and called it his serial killer look -Phil was pointing the slingshot at Dan and Dan freaked out “whERE ARE YOU POINTING THAT THING” -“at your leg” -“looks like you’re pointing it at my face” (he definitely was) -Phil hit Dan in the upper thigh with the slingshot -Dan freaked and commented about how Phil would have “hit me in the nuts” if he hadn’t moved his leg -Phil missed with the bow and arrow and the bazooka -when it was over Dan practically jumped off the wheel he was in such a hurry -“bloody frick” and then he repeated it like he couldn’t believe he had just said that -Dan had to help Phil with his apron -Phil had to help Dan get the coverup off -everyone started cheering when Dan took it off -he yelled at us and moved almost off stage -he got his foot stuck and Phil had to help Collective Mind: -we were all called Linda (L-slice) -some people messed up the picking a dog/pointing thing but Dan said they were valid -some people also messed up the clapping thing -they weren’t as happy about that -“it’s ON three what’s wrong with you?” -we had to do it like three or four times -it was super satisfying when we got it though -Dan said it made him feel tingly and he rubbed his nipples and Phil told him to stop -before they passed around the beach balls Phil said that if you had when the music stopped and you didn’t want it you could give it to someone else -it was very soft and sweet -the things in Dan’s box were a hair straightener (he had to lock his emo phase in a box), his dentist kink video (it was so cringey he locked the SD card in the box), and a golden lady door (why is it golden???) -one of the girls nearly hit Phil in the face when she threw the ball back (“wow that was violent!”) -Dan kept commenting on Phil’s balls and how he couldn’t keep control of them because Phil kept dropping them -every time he’d pick one up he’d drop another Truth Bombs: -one of Dan’s was if he started a religion what would it be called  -one option was ‘hi, my name is [jesus]’ and Dan goes “you just roasted me and Jesus”  -another was ‘lolzr xD llamas...ism  -Dan picked that one but said you can’t just add ism on the end that doesn’t count -Phil got what’s on his internet browsing history (I genuinely can’t remember the rest oops) Dan vs. Phil: -the psychic category was dog breeds -Dan said Shib (of course) and Phil said chihuahua -“wHY WOULD YOU SAY CHIHUAHUA” -“it was the first thing that came to mind” -“that’s nOT THE POINT OF THE GAME” -for the dilemmas, Dan said he’d do anything for Phil -Dan’s dilemma was that Phil’s houseplants would never die but Dan’s entire internet history would be uploaded -it was no contest for him, he said he absolutely would never do that -Phil’s dilemma was that Dan would become an athlete but he would miss a single Christmas -he said it would be worth it -Dan lost 2-1 -the overall score is 28-26 in Dan’s favor -Dan says it’s because he’s number one Phil trash Good vs. Bad: -Dan tried to explain the wholesome Howell thing -Phil used a really deep voice the entire time (X-rated Lester) -they both failed the first and got the second one, but Dan failed the last one and Phil got it -Phil’s first one was a tasty meal and he started rambling about dog food and beetles and dog waiters -his second one was hugs and he turned it into getting hugged by an alien and them opening up and eating you -Dan commented that he should write horror...or at least tentacle fanfiction -his last one was a million puppies and he talked about getting smothered by them and dying (Dan said that’s the way he wants to die) -Dan’s first was infinity wars spoilers and he claimed they were good because then you’re not surprised by the emotional trauma -his second was his old branding and he basically said it was good because you can learn from it and move forward -his last one was the G note and he basically forfeited and stormed off the stage saying he couldn’t make that a good thing Dan, Phil or Rat: -the first one was just totally white and it was Phil’s guess -he was like “is that me? am I really that white?” so he guessed himself and got it right -Dan made a joke about how the only D Phil needs is vitamin D -Dan’s guess was basically just completely black -he was like “is that a rat? is that Phil’s hair?” -he guessed rat and got it right Golden I Awards: -Most inaccurate prediction of the show  -first was Dan and Phil pogo sticking with Nick Jonas (Dan got mad that Nick is engaged now and that they can’t be buddies in London anymore #ripdick)  -next was Phil falling off stage, Dan screaming, and everyone’s heads exploding  -the winner was a seven hour long titanic musical (Phil said Dan could be the boat, Dan agreed because Phil makes him want to break in half and sink) -Pets dressed as Dan and Phil -the first was a cat in a plaid shirt -Dan laughed about how any animal in a plaid shirt is just immediately Phil -next was a dog wrapped in a black blanket -the epitome of Dan clearly -the winner was a dog in Dan’s signature eclipse T-shirt -Phil commented on how that dog was more photogenic than Dan ever will be -Dan said that dog slayed his entire life Casual Chat: -Phil something about getting intimate at the same time as Dan said getting personal -Dan goes “I was okay with personal but noooo you had to say intimate” -the first question was what their favorite videos were -they both said the photo booth challenge because it was so stupid but hilarious -Dan also said they’d never cried so violently whilst editing a video (from laughing so much) -someone sent in that they had a presentation coming up and they were scared they were going to pee on the floor -Dan goes “is that a question or are you just letting us know?” -their advice was basically that everyone feels the same way so don’t worry too much -and Dan said also to wear an adult diaper -another girl said her brother had replaced her with fortnite -Dan was like yeah I relate Phil did the same thing to me -too much fortnite talk after that Random: -Phil got attacked by a seagull on his way from the bus to the building -he was very dramatic about it -Dan says that’s what he gets for going outside for three seconds -Dan made a comment later about cannibalistic seagulls -Dan said this was the worst place for Phil to be because it’s the cheese state -“the buildings are made of cheese, you’re all made of cheese” -Dan -apparently Phil is just constantly lactose intolerant in Wisconsin -apparently our show was originally just going to be cheese curd wrestling -according to Dan it would have been perfect “with the hexagon just put up some nets and fill it with cheese” -Dan called someone out for having their iPhone out -“can you put that down the glare is blinding me” -then they were joking about the tension in the air after that -Phil was waving his fingers in the air “I can feel the tension around you” -Dan’s response “I don’t think the tension wants you touching it like that” -Phil had on a badgers hat for the rap -he also dropped the B word and everyone dIED -they were talking about changes and Dan brought up Phil’s new hair -his conspiracy theory is that this Phil is a clone and that it killed the real Phil -“WHERE IS THE BODY?” -Phil shot back that this Dan must be a clone too with the curly hair -Dan acted shocked/concerned every time everyone cheered about something strange (they said they were going to drop 20,000 lbs of ice on us, also they were going to release bees into the crowd) -so much teasing Phil about the dead houseplants -Dan called him the Dexter of houseplants -at one point Dan said something about how Loki the houseplant was doing as good as actual Loki and the crowd just died -he also made a “I don’t feel so good” reference and there was much screaming/protesting -there was a moment when Phil misread something and then joked about his apparently useless English degree 

  -Phil 100% came close to falling off the stage about three times -seriously one of the times was so close Dan actually got worried -also Dan seemed concerned that Phil may not be able to make it onto the piano for the duet -there was an audible sigh of relief from Dan once Phil hopped up onto the piano

[faeriexqueen]

☆Writer Asks☆

Tagged by @kitty-bandit and @silentium-nightshade (thank you! <3)

1. Explain your AO3 handle. TheFairieQueen comes from a nickname I got back in my freshman year of college.  I used to do more studio art growing up, and always did butterflies and fairies (it got somewhat spurned on even more, because my grandmother always talked to me about fairies growing up).  And it’s no secret I like fairy tales - I’ve always been into them, and I just sort of got a reputation in college for liking these things early on?  Between that and the way I dressed, one of my friends thought I was just fairie-like, and she always called me the fairie queen.  So it came from there. XD  (In addition to that, when I talk to my grandmother even today, she refers to my apartment as my “fairy hollow.”) 2. Favorite fanfiction trope? AAAAAA.  This is hard?  I like so many? XD  Definite slow burn buildup and that pining for each other - I’m weak for that, as well as disastrous first meetings when it comes to romance.  (In addition to that, any trope that forced two romantic interests together - like dangerous scenarios, sharing a bed, etc.). 3. Favorite place to write? Easily at home.  It’s just more comfortable to be in my own space, and I usually end up focusing best if I’m cozy in bed or curled up on the couch, always with a cup of tea and dim lighting. ;3 4. Favorite ships in your current fandom? Right now, D.Gray-Man is my main one (I don’t know if I’ll ever leave?), and hands down, Yulma is my OTP.  I think anyone who follows me or talks to me is pretty aware of that. XD  I also have a rare pair I’m super into, which is Tyki x Alma, though @kitty-bandit got me very hard into Lavi x Link as well (and now....Lavi x Alma is on my mind? psjkfjsflkjsd)  But!  I also really love Lucky, LenaLavi, and Laven.  And Anita x Mahoja. <3 5. What are your steps to get into the Writing Mood™? Usually getting comfortable is the main priority, since that helps with focus.  I always have a cup of tea, keep the lighting dim, and will usually be under a layer of blankets.  Sometimes, I’ll listen to instrumental music for inspiration and to set the mood for a scene I’m writing as well. 6. What program/app do you use to write? Microsoft Word. 7. List your zodiac sign, favorite ice cream flavor, Hogwarts House, and your opinion on pineapple pizza. Taurus/WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE TO CHOOSE?  Honestly it switches, but I love mint chocolate chip/Ravenclaw/Nonononono PLEASE NO PINEAPPLE ON MY PIZZA. 8. Link us a fanfic that made you cry. It’s hard for me to full on cry, but A Matter of Time by @kitty-bandit just....fuck.  Fuck.  I don’t even have words for the level of pain this put my heart through.  It just...UGH IT JUST FUCKING HURT, OKAY? ;__; 9. Link us a fanfic that made you laugh. I’m going to have to say A Rough Patch by @errantknightess - like that was so damn amusing I nearly lost my shit on my bus commute home. XD 10. Link us a fanfic that left you in complete awe at the writer’s ability. This is hard considering damn near everyone I know is so talented, but @izadreamer’s Dreaming of Flowers will always be up there.  Like holy shit, everything Iza writes is amazing, but that fic is just a whole new level of insane talent (also Labyrinths of the Heart for any Tangled fans - I’m so behind in this fic, but fuck, it’s amazing too). 11. List your kinks. Oh god, SO. Time to out myself.  A/B/O Dynamics; Dom/Sub dynamics; Anything involving lingerie or tightlacing; Shower sex; Lightheadedness; Teasing; Some BDSM (consensual shit tho); Consensual Voyeurism (if in an established relationship); Mpeg (I lowkey hate myself for admitting this); Sucking/Biting. 12. How do you come up with your ideas? Honestly, they just...come?  Usually with new AUs and story ideas I don’t exactly look for them actively; they more or less hit me.  Once I have a base idea or line of inspiration, I usually will just follow it by jotting down notes, researching anything that ties into said idea, and just..really letting my mind run.  Sometimes you just almost can’t even overthink it, or you might accidentally constrict yourself, you know? 13. How do you implement said ideas into a cohesive narrative? Know the ending.  I swearing, knowing the ending and figuring out the story’s end point is huge.  It really helps in understanding what you ultimately want to accomplish with your stories, and what you want your characters to go through development-wise.   14. What are your working on right now? Share a little snippet or a description. Right now, I just finished up the remaining chapters of Encompassed in Glass for NanoWrimo, but am now moving on to a Nutcracker AU (title TBD).  The main ship with be Yulma (surprise there I’m sure XD), but it’s something I would like to start posting sometime December.  As of now, the prologue is written, and I’ve started chapter one.  (Draft excerpt from chapter one below!)

A snowball had hit her promptly on the shoulder, exploding into a mass of powdery snowflakes. The impact had been surprisingly hard, causing Emilia to trip into a pile of freshly-shoveled snow, and for a moment she struggled to get back up. Alma winced, when he saw how hard he had actually hit Emilia with the snowball.  “Oops, that was harder than I thought…” He murmured, hoping Emilia wouldn’t come for him next.  He turned to Timothy, and whispered.  “Go, go, go!” Timothy, who was snickering loudly at Emilia’s plight, quickly got up and dashed out of the alley, laughing full force when Emilia caught sight of him, glaring threateningly.  Then she turned, and her mouth dropped when she caught sight of Alma peeking out from the alley way. “You were helping him!?” She exclaimed.  “Alma, you traitor-!” Alma smiled sheepishly, before giving a small wave.  “Sorry, got to go!” He said, before running back down the alley.  While he usually never would have left someone who had fallen down, he knew it was for the best; friends or not, Emilia was sure to let him have it once she got a hold of him, and Alma was determined to escape that fate for as long as possible.

Tagging: @izaswritings @candy-crackpot​ @a-q-d @guiltyinnocencedgm @titty-now-titty-later @tykipomme @wonderrie @errantknightess (and anyone else who would like to do this!)

[stuffandnosense]

3:07 AM

A Plance tag (or deleted not-Shiro-POV scene, rather) to my one shot 7 Vargas. Because I couldn’t get the Plance possibilities out of my head. Oops. XD

In any case, the original oneshot can be found here, and is basically a lot of Lance whump and Shiro and Lance bonding, along with some team feels and suggested Plance. You shouldn’t have to read it to understand this, though I would appreciate any comments on it as well!

Anyway, thank you so much for reading! Warnings for panick attacks/PTSD.

***

Where did I fall asleep this time? Pidge wonders.

Her neck and limbs are at odd angles, one arm twisted behind and under her, one of her legs is thrown over something while the other foot feels trapped, and she’s pretty sure that’s a wall against her forehead. But there are walls everywhere; that doesn’t really narrow it down.

She registers, finally, the softness of a mattress under her, but it doesn’t feel like her own. How she knows that is beyond her.

Pidge rolls to her back from the awkward position she’s been in on side, prying her arm out from under herself to straighten it and reclaiming her foot from under...something warm. Someone. She feels tentatively with the leg that seems to be thrown over the same person, and the size of the shape tells her it’s Hunk. Then a snore comes from the other end of the bed. Presence of Hunk confirmed.

Hunk’s legs twisting up near her head, however, aren’t the only warmth under the twisted covers that aren’t even really covering much of anyone. She glances to her left and finds the outline of Lance’s back near the edge of the bed.

Right. Lance. Lance’s room, Lance’s bed, the we-can’t-leave-Lance-alone-right-now, post-healing-pod hangout session that apparently turned into an unintended sleepover. Lance is the only one in pajamas - the ones he changed into as soon as they got him back to his room after he came out of the pod earlier in the day. Pidge remembers hovering outside for a few minutes once they got here, until Hunk opened the door again to let her in.

It’s clear none of them necessarily meant to fall asleep. Hunk’s shoes are still on, Pidge’s glasses are still clinging precariously to her face, and Lance’s robe is still cinched loosely around his waist. She can’t really do anything about the robe and she doesn’t want to throw her glasses anywhere - nor does she wants to completely cimb over both of them to get out of the bed - but she manages to quietly pry Hunk’s shoes off and leans over Lance’s back to drop them carefully to the floor where her own are scattered.

That’s when she realizes Lance is shivering in his sleep. It’s not much - she wouldn’t have seen it in the dark - but she can feel it for a moment when she brushes against him.

“Aw Lance…” she sighs, barely audible.

Pidge drops the shoes and rests a hand on his arm as she settles behind him again, rubbing up and down for a minute or two until the shivering seems to ease off. Satisfied that he’s okay for now, she turns over against the wall and tries to go back to sleep.

She can’t. Not now that she’s awake. Not now that she’s thinking about what happened to him. The Galra only had him and Shiro for a few vargas on that outpost...but it was enough for them to hurt him.

Why did hacking their surveillance system have to be so easy compared with actually getting her friends out of there? Not that it had been hard...it just took time. There were a surprising number of personnel and sentries to avoid for such a small outpost, and that made it more difficult. She had no chance of rescuing them outright. She had to sneak back into the secondary control center, hack into their computer to establish a link with her suit computer so she could work remotely, then hightail it out of there to find somewhere better to hide until she could write a program to shut the base down.

Of course she’d wanted to find them - to keep an eye on them until she could get them out. But…

She can’t erase the image of Lance strapped to that table from her mind. She can’t un-hear his screams, or un-feel how much her chest ached when he was sobbing on Shiro’s shoulder afterwards in the cell they shared for those few vargas.

She couldn’t get them out fast enough. And Lance suffered. And Shiro told her over and over while Lance was in the healing pod that none of this was her fault but it still feels like it was.

If she’d gotten them out of there sooner Lance might not be terrified of being alone right now. He might not have had that look on his face when he asked her and Hunk to stick around after he climbed into bed - the one that meant please don’t leave please don’t leave…

The sound of heavy breathing derails her thoughts, and Pidge twists onto her back again until she can see Lance. He’s still facing away from her, but this time his shoulders are moving enough that she can tell even in the dimness. She waits just a moment, to see if the breathing will even out, but it doesn’t. Instead it becomes interspersed with the kind of quiet squeaks that can only be caused by barely suppressed sobs.

“Lance…?” Pidge whispers. She slides closer, trying not to wake Hunk. Another snore tells her there’s no danger of that just yet.

“Lance, are you awake?” she asks gently. The only answer she gets is a sob and a gasp that he doesn’t try as hard to keep quiet. Her own throat tightens. “Hey…”

Pidge wiggles a hand under the arm Lance isn’t laying on and tugs gently on the shoulder she hooks, trying to turn him over toward her so she can see his face, but he stays stubborn on his side, resisting her and still facing away. He curls further into himself to boot, and the too-heavy breaths just pick up in speed as his fingers dig into his hair.

“Lance, it’s okay,” Pidge says. It comes out more urgently at first as her chest clenches in fear, before she remembers to keep it gentle. “You’re...you’re okay. You’re safe. You’re safe, Lance…”

A fresh sob forces its way out with a frustrated sound. “I-I...I...I kn - ow…” he gasps. “I just...can’t—”

“I know, I know…” Pidge wiggles her arm farther through his, and manages to push other arm under and around him.  She holds on as best she can and presses her forehead into the back of his neck, because that’s all she can do. “It’s okay, just breathe...I know it’s hard. Just focus on me, okay? Focus on my voice.”

Trembling hands clasp over her own where she’s twisted them in the front of his pajama shirt, and she talks. She tells him about the projects she’s working on and how the code works and asks him to repeat things back to her.

“That’s not what I said at all; you’re not paying attention.”

“I don’t kn-know h...how that….stuff... wo - orks...Pidge…”

She can feel his chest seizing under her fingers as he struggles to calm down and struggles for air. “I know you don’t. That’s why you have to listen.”

“What are y-ou...do...ing…?”

“If you’d pay attention you’d know.”

Slowly, focusing on the details she’s forcing him to try to remember takes his mind off of whatever he was thinking about, or dreaming out. Eventually he’s mumbling back whatever she says without difficulty breathing, and he isn’t curled up so tight anymore, and he just sounds tired.

“And then Mario makes Bowser eat the code so he and Peach can escape from the game.”

“Then Mario makes Bowser eat...what??” Lance flattens out onto his back to raise an eyebrow at her in confusion.

His movement pushes her back and off of him in the process. Pidge sits up as she’s ousted from her position, and smiles down at him. “Hey. There you are.”

His cheeks are still stained with dried and drying tear tracks, and his eyes are puffy and damp clumps of hair stick to his forehead. It’s not exactly the best picture. Pidge doesn’t care, but he seems suddenly keenly aware of it. His cheeks go red and he tries away from her again, but she stops him gently.

“It’s okay, Lance.”

He lets her stop him, flopping back against his pillow with a shaky sigh. “Sorry,” he whispers, staring at the ceiling.

“I said it’s okay, and I mean it.”

Lance makes a face.

“I mean it,” Pidge repeats.

Lance lets out a breath and lifts his head just long enough to take in Hunk at the other end of the bed. “You both stayed…”

“Of course we stayed.”

“You didn’t have to…”

“You asked us to, Lance.”

He looks at her, just for a moment, but then his gaze slips to the ceiling and stays there. He seems calm, but there are still fresh tears streaming silently from the corners of his eyes.

She lays back down beside him, on her back, looking at the ceiling too. Maybe if she’s not staring at him it will help.

“I…” he says after a moment. He has to stop to clear his throat. “I guess I knew if I was by myself I’d...I’d think.” The last word comes out on a hitched breath.

“Do you want to talk about anything?” she asks quietly. His breath picks up for a moment. “You don’t have to,” she adds.

His calms again, but he curls into her shoulder and cries softly instead. She lets him, wordlessly stroking a hand through his hair until it tapers off.

“It’d be great if I could stop doing that,” he sighs, grimacing in frustration against her sleeve.

“It’s okay…”

“Wh-why can’t I...I mean I just…why...why do I feel like this? I can’t...stop.”

“Can’t stop feeling like what?”

“Like I’m...broken. Or something…”

Pidge shakes her head automatically. “Stop it, Lance. You’re not broken. You just got back; you can’t expect yourself to just be completely okay.”

His voice drops to barely a whisper, and she is still staring at the ceiling to give him some semblance of privacy as he mumbles into her shoulder. “It hurt, Pidge.” His breath catches again. “We’re in the middle of a war! What if it happens again and I can’t do what I did this time? What if I tell them something?”

He sobs once. “I thought about it...Shiro was wrong. I did think about it. I...I tried to figure out if there was something I could tell them that wouldn’t hurt anybody. Because I couldn’t make something up or I figured they’d know and it would just be worse...but I just...wanted it to stop.”

She has to swallow hard before she can answer. “Lance…anyone would have thought about it.”

“And I almost died once!” He doesn’t seem to be listening to her anymore. “Th-they wouldn’t turn it off and I couldn’t...couldn’t breathe and I thought I was dead but I didn’t want Shiro to—” He stops abruptly, pulling in a sharp breath but letting it out more slowly.

“I...I...sorry, Pidge. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be telling you all this…”

“You can tell me anything you want to tell, me, Lance. It’s okay; you’re trying to process a lot right now.”

He swallows and settles on his back again, swiping at his cheeks. “How’d you learn that stuff you did?” he asks instead.

“What stuff? Code?” She glances at him briefly, then back to the ceiling because that’s where he’s looking.

“No...I mean...when you were trying to make me tell you what you said and all.”

“Oh...my mom,” Pidge says. “She did it for me after my dad and my brother disappeared...I’d have episodes like that too. I just...couldn’t breathe. I can’t cook, so she’d recite recipes or something else that wasn’t really my thing and make me repeat it back until I calmed down.”

Lance scoffs quietly. “What else isn’t your thing? You know everything.”

“I do not; shut up.”

Lance chuckles weakly, and it’s quiet for a little while. “We’re gonna find them, you know,” he says. He finds her hand between them on the mattress and squeezes it.

She blinks at the ceiling in surprise at the contact. “Thanks…”

Why is he trying to comfort her? She was supposed to be helping him. But...maybe this does help him. She is starting to realize, the more she gets to know him, that he really is thinking of everyone else a lot of the time. His personality just does a good job of hiding that far too often.

“You didn’t want Shiro to what?” she asks then.

“What?”

“What you were saying before you cut yourself off.”

“Oh...nothing.”

She looks at him finally, staring silently until he realizes she’s doing it and sheepishly glances over at her. He sighs and looks away again.

“I just meant I didn’t want him to think it was his fault...if I...you know...died. They were trying to get him to answer them, I think...when I couldn’t...when I couldn’t breathe.” His hand tightens around hers. “They were using it against him. I just...I think I tried to tell him it was okay?” He blinks back tears. “I-I didn’t want to die but I couldn’t let him blame himself...you know?”

“Yeah…”

She remembers that. She remembers Shiro struggling to get up off his knees but held back by the chain keeping him near the wall, screaming at the druid to stop before he killed Lance. She’d had the sound muted for a while by then because she had to turn it off or she couldn’t focus. But when Shiro panicked and jumped up she turned it back on.

She was almost ready to burst in there, program ready or no, whether they captured her too or she died for it or not.

She wasn’t going to let Lance die.

But he almost did, and her heart is pounding again just thinking about it.

“Pidge? Pidge...Pidge?”

Lance’s urgent whispering snaps her out of...somewhere, and she realizes she’s now holding his hand in a vice grip in both of hers rather than just one, and she’s curled toward him the way he was curled into her shoulder a few minutes ago. And the way he’s looking at her...

“Sorry,” she breathes.

He knows now. She can see the wheels turning behind his eyes as he scowls at her in concern. “Are you okay?” he asks. “You went all space cadet on me for a minute there...”

He could have died. They could have lost him, and he wouldn’t be here looking at her like that. Caring about her like that. And she can never change what did happen. She can’t go back and write the program faster or make another plan and keep him from going through that.

She isn’t sure when she starts crying, or when Lance shifts closer to pull her into his chest. He’s still rubbing her back gently when she can focus again.

“How much did you see?” he asks, from above her head.

He sounds like he isn’t sure he wants to know. Pidge winces against his shirt and presses her forehead farther into his chest.

“Pidge, come on. I’m not stupid; I know you found us somehow.”

She lets out a long breath, stealing herself before she answers. “Finally got into the secondary control room you and Shiro had been targeting maybe two or so vargas after the Galra grabbed you...I patched in and got out. I had a feed after that. The place wasn’t huge..it didn’t take long to find you…”

Lance goes stiff against her, and maybe it’s her imagination but she thinks he seems suddenly colder. “Tell me you didn’t just leave it on…”

Pidge closes her eyes, and there are still tears finding their way down her cheeks; she’s glad he can’t see them with her face hidden against his shirt. “I had to be sure they weren’t going to kill you; I didn’t know you’d be in there almost two vargas—!”

She’s pretty sure the quiet stream of words that comes next is a lot of swearing, but her Spanish has never been that great. “...Pidge,” it ends.

“I had the sound off most of the time!” She swallows. “I-I...couldn’t…” She couldn’t listen to him screaming.

More Spanish. Probably more swearing. Oh, yep, that one she recognizes. Definitely swearing.

“Did your mother raise you with that mouth?” It comes out before she can really think about it. She would do anything right now to keep from hurting him any more. Even give in to his usual level of joke.

The sob from above her head may be laced with a certain small amount of humor, but it’s still a sob. “It’s not funny, Pidge.”

“I’m sorry…I-I don’t...know how to deal with this...”

This time he really does laugh, even though he’s forcing it through the crying. “Join the club.” He groans a frustrated sound like the ones he made earlier, but from deeper in his chest than before.

“You weren’t supposed to see all that,” Lance whispers. “It was bad enough they made Shiro watch it all…are you okay?”

“NO I’m not okay!” she whispers back.

He huffs, but he seems to appreciate her honesty. “I guess we can be a mess together…” He pulls back suddenly to make her look at him. “Hey. Hey, you know none of that was your fault, right?”

She avoids his gaze, trying to duck back into his chest.

“Pidge!”

“Shh! You’ll wake up Hunk.”

“He could sleep through a train wreck; trust me, I was his roommate. Pidge…”

More tears on her face. Why won’t they stop? “I should have gotten you out sooner…”

“You’re you, Pidge; I know you did the best you could. If it took that long, it took that long. I didn’t doubt you for a second; I’m the one who told Shiro you’d be coming after us. HE actually thought you’d listen to him.”

She snorts through her tears. “He should know better.” She gasps in surprise when a pair of lips plant themselves firmly on her forehead.

“I’ll be okay, Pidge,” Lance says. “Thanks to you. And you’ll be okay too. I mean I guess it might take a while, but…”

“Yeah…”

A monumental snore from the other end of the bed interrupts any thought she had after that. She exchanges a glance with Lance, and they’re both giggling before she can overthink it.

They settle on their backs again, side by side but closer than before. They’re both scrubbing at their faces, and neither of them are breathing quite right, still - the aftershocks of emotion still shuddering through them occasionally. That will pass, too, like the tears that have finally stopped.

Lance holds a hand across his body flat out at her, after it’s been quiet a while. “So yeah. Messes together, I guess?”

Pidge smiles and reaches to high-five the offered hand gently. Lance smiles back and catches her fingers before they can slip away.

They fall asleep like that, fingertips linked between them, and if Hunk is raising his eyebrows at them in the morning they pretend not to notice.