#I came home at 2 AM last night and I had volunteering this morning | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lookedafterchild · 1 year

Text

Part One - A brief before and after being put on a Section 2 I struggled with many issues at the time, anxiety, depression, suicidal tendencies, and self-harm. I had been battling a battle in my head for over ten years, but things started to get too bad. now I could not hide these issues as well as I may have been before. Moreover, after the incident(s) at school, I was admitted to the hospital and blacklisted from taking my exams in the future. Can you imagine walking into your Psychiatrists office? After a massive string of events both at school and at home? Dr. Bertrand Nairac was giving me 5 minutes to make one of the hardest. And most confusing decisions of my life. "By the time I return to this room, you need to make your decision. Are you going to admit yourself on a volunteer basis or send the doctors and police to force you there? The Choice [caption id="attachment_13699" align="aligncenter" width="1024"] Sectioned under the mental health act aged 18. At Kent and Medway adolescence hospital, (woodland House) Staplehurst Kent (KMAH)The Complete story[/caption] As I sat in the therapist's room, it felt like an eternity. The walls seemed to close on me, and my heart was racing. What is a mental health hospital anyway? Is this some asylum where they lock up people who are crazy or something? The feeling of suffocation and confusion were the only thoughts going through my head. Dr. Bertrand Nairac Returned to the office. Moreover, I looked at myself and my foster carer Carol Thompson. "Well, you made up your mind," said Dr. Nairac. He advised once again that going as a volunteer patient was the best way to do this. Unless I wanted to make a big scene. I agreed and waited for days in my home until I received word from him with an available bed at a young adolescent Mental Health Hospital Woodlands house in staple Hurst My Fate Was Clear Three days went past, and it was hell. I knew it was just a matter of days until I am driving miles away. From my hometown, there are a few parts of those three days that stick with me. I had missed school and was not recommended to communicate with them, so I remember telling a tiny handful of friends about the situation with mixed responses. Furthermore, I was spending the weekend with my mum. Wondering what would happen what my future was going to be like? Nevertheless, the worst thing… it was the last night before I left., to Kent, and Medway Adolescent Unit, Woodland House. Moreover, Carol had ordered fish and chips. We were all gathered together, eating as a family like we always did on a Friday night. I was unsure if this was the last meal, with the people who raised me into the person I am. The people who supported me through the worst…., I could not hold back the emotions and the tears started pouring out. There was nothing I could do but let the future unfold. No surprise, but I did not sleep very well that night. In less than 24 hours, I would once again move away from the home I had settled into and this time into a downright bizarre and unknown situation. Getting admitted to Hospital [caption id="attachment_13705" align="aligncenter" width="800"] Kent and Medway adolescence hospital, (woodland House) Staplehurst Kent (KMAH), this is where the post thumbnail was taken (C) 2010 Philip Durrant Photography[/caption] Morning finally came round, and my anxiety and mood were not good at all. I remember being very silent and reserved, waiting to determine my fate after dropping off the other Foster Children at school. We started the long and painful drive to Staplehurst. (Around an hour and 20min, but it felt like a lot longer.) Stopping off to pick up Tomo (Carol's Husband, Whom We Referred to as Tomo or John (His real name) from his workplace. We finally arrived at Woodlands House (For anyone interested, Click Here For A Virtual Tour). As we walked in, the receptiongreeted us. It was an attractive layout. Not reasonably what I had expected, certainly not for being classified a hospital.

Moreover, we approached the desk and handed over the paperwork,waiting for the team leader to arrive and assess me. After what felt like a lifetime and what seemed to be a crisis, (Someone's Panic alarm within the hospital was set off, and someone got restrained. not too long before I walked in.) We finally had a quick look round and were shown in one of the meeting rooms. The team leader and one of the nurses told me, Carol, and John, what would happen, and I have to fill in some paperwork. These were questions asking me to state out of 1-10 or how likely, or unlike me; I remember they were all ranked low at this point; I felt I could not feel any worse. I completed it, and I led to the medical room (where anything on-site medical-wise was given). Then I was given an ECG test and had my blood taken. It was a very formal process. Also, they made notes of doctors, medication, and allergies. Furthermore, that is when we parted way. I said goodbye to my foster parents, and I was left to socialize with staff and patients Part Two - one month at Kent And Medway adolescence hospital [caption id="attachment_13704" align="aligncenter" width="604"] Photo of Li Jean-Luc Harris at Kent and Medway adolescence hospital, (woodland House) Staplehurst Kent (KMAH) - outside Shed[/caption] Introduction: By the time I was checked into the Kent and Medway Adolescent Unit, Woodland House, and the careers left me. The day had already gone. It was around 17:00, and I was given options for food. The first place I went was the lounge. Many very friendly and reassuring service users and staff started to introduce themselves to me. They were warm and gentle with their words. They could see I was very reserved and did not want to talk or do anything. I am sure every one of them had gone through the same thing. It is scary, after all. New surroundings, new faces, and new scenarios. No one can know what you have just walked into. https://lookedafterchild.com/addicted-to-drugs-and-then-homeless-and-finally-now-im-a-homeowner/ The First Night [caption id="attachment_13701" align="aligncenter" width="1024"] Sectioned under the mental health act aged 18. At Kent and Medway adolescence hospital, (woodland House) Staplehurst Kent (KMAH) - Bedroom - image taken from the Explore Woodland House Virtual Tour[/caption] After eating what I was shocked to say a delicious meal, I remember spending some time once again in the lounge for the evening before it was time for us to go to bed. As much as I wanted to crawl straight into bed, we had to follow strict guidelines. Everyone had to be awake, and out of bed by 10 am, and no one can return until 7 pm. My bedroom was lovely, it had a double bed, a desk and an ensuite but, it still was not my bed from home. I also missed my phone, my technology, and the familiar faces from my foster home. Daily Routines My Daily Routine was very different from what I was doing back home. Breakfast between 7 am, and 9 am. Everyone had to be out of bed by 10 am. We had a few group sessions in the morning, one being education lunch between 12 and 1 pm—three more activities before dinner between 5 pm and 6 pm, and then free time. Accessing the outside world I was not allowed any technology on-site, and the only time I could use my phone or the internet was when I was on my mobile phone outside of the unit. Even in the education sessions, I was given special restrictions due to past incidents with my secondary school and me hacking into their system. So, for this reason, I was only allowed the internet on my mobile outside of the unit. (for someone who previously lived online, it sucks!) Getting Put onto a Section 2 Under The Mental Health Act [caption id="attachment_13703" align="aligncenter" width="638"] Section 2 under the mental health act Leaflet A Scanned front page of the leaflet i was given explaining the section two[/caption] I was both homesick and just witnessed a small group of patients kick off and cause a riot.

(Insert Link to Future Post) I was not enjoying my stay at Woodlands House, the therapy seemed unhelpful, and the group sessions I refused. To make things worse, I was just put onto 1:1 Eyesight, so I declared to discharge myself. And I was served a Section 2, meaning I was now forcefully detained for 28 days. Moreover, now I could not even use the internet in my free time. I was a prisoner of the system, scared and upset. This just further pushed me away from getting my issues solved. Being in section 2 meant I lost most of my rights. I was no longer allowed to use my phone. Many care decisions were now being made for me without my input; I was placed on 1:1 Eyesight as a precautionary measure. They were still unsure of many things that were going on with me, due to 4 years prior trying to fight the system, because I was too scared to let them know “The Thing” that caused me all this trauma and pain. Thankfully I had lots of like-minded people who shared their advise and looked out for each other. 1:1 Eyesight meant I now had someone follow me and was always within Eyesight, even when sleeping. Nevertheless, there was a limitation to the toilet/shower, as long as I kept talking to them non-stop. A Scanned front page of the leaflet I was given explaining the section two First Visit From my foster family When I knew Carol and Tomo were coming, I was excited. I could not wait to see the familiar faces and receive some more clothes and items to keep me going. I had missed the presence of Carol and John. It had only been a month. However, they encouraged me to carry on with the treatment, and soon I will be home again, getting back on with life. They were very encouraging and motivating, but, I could tell it was hard for them and myself. First Vist From Mum and my brother Michael This visit was long overdue. They had a very long train journey all the way from Margate to Staplehurst, but, I was so happy to see them both. We spoke for ages and caught up. The first time seeing them, I was not able to do much being on section 2 But, I was just relived to be in the company of my family. But I want care in the community! [caption id="attachment_13706" align="aligncenter" width="800"] Kent and Medway adolescence hospital, (woodland House) Staplehurst Kent (KMAH) this is where the post thumbnail was taken (C) 2010 Philip Durrant Photography[/caption] This was something many people heard me say. Additionally, it all came with the same response “But we have been offering you this for years, why now?” it was a good question. However, the shock of being in the hospital was enough for me to want to get my life on track, and continue with my life and education in the community. Nevertheless, all the professionals had said the same thing. You will not be released until you start co-operating with group sessions and therapy. Therapy Sessions Therapy sessions, we all hate them. They hurt and make us vulnerable. Something was stopping me from talking in person with anyone willing to help me. I could speak about everything, apart from “the thing”. I spoke about family, school, emotional unbalances, depression and anxieties. However, in-depth details into self-harm I locked away from everyone. Including myself, After a few sessions, I was told by Dr. Oliver that my only chance of release was to talk about these areas and let them understand and advice for future treatment/help outside of the hospital. Furthermore, I explained, although I want to talk, whenever I try, I freeze up. I get scared, vulnerable. This is when for the first time, I was recommended the following technique:“When you are in a bad place, take a pen and paper, write your thoughts and feelings, Furthermore, bring them back to me.” Moreover, when this worked, I was then tasked to do the same, but to write about “the thing…” so I set out to do this….. To Be Continued. Thanks for sticking by and reading through this story, it has been a hard one to write,

but the story is as it is… and the next part will be the conclusion to my stay at a mental health hospital. have you read some of my other posts? The Story Of My Spice Addiction The incident at school that led to my hospitalization. Addicted to drugs and then Homeless and finally Now I'm A Homeowner Part Three - How I Got Out Of Kent And Medway Adolescence Hospital And Off My Section [caption id="attachment_13700" align="aligncenter" width="1024"] Sectioned under the mental health act aged 18. At Kent and Medway adolescence hospital, (woodland House) Staplehurst Kent (KMAH) - Lounge, Facing Front Entrance - image taken from the Explore Woodland House Virtual Tour[/caption] How did I end up at Kent and Medway Adolescent Hospital Woodland House? a photo of Li Jean-Luc Harris at Kent and Medway Adolescent Unit, Woodland House Mental Health Hospital If you're asking this question, then you're new to the blog! this is a platform of therapy first discovered by me in hospital and will be discussed later on in the blog post. But before you get there. I highly suggest you read the following posts to get yourself acquainted with me. And so you know the full story of how I ended up at Kent Afnd Medway Adolescent Hospital (Woodlands House) The Incidents at School That Lead to my hospitalisation at Kent And Medway Mental Health Hospital Explore The Days Leading Up to me transferring from Foster Care To My Placement at Kent And Medway Adolescent Hospital How I become homeless aged 18 and addicted to drugs. Now Your acquainted with the past. Let's dive into the next chapter of the story. This is going to be quite a long post so grab yourself a coffee. And prepare for a rollercoaster of a story. Therapy Sessions With Dr Oliver Continued. As previously explained, Oliver had just handed me over a piece of paper and a pen. Let's try something different. Take these and write everything that you're scared to tell. Or struggle to face. In Face to Face Scenarios. I sat and thought about it but told Dr Oliver I will try it. And that I did. I remember going to the communal areas, finding somewhere quiet, and I sat there thinking of what I could write. How do I explain it? Or if I should even try. But I did, only because I was getting desperate to get out of this place. I Started with the events leading to the situation so the psychologists Dr Oliver could get an idea of my state of mind. And then I told him about the events leading to the biggest self-harm incident that I had done. And the one that is a continuing issue even right now almost 10 years later. I keep promising you the story on "The Thing" which is this event of self-harm, but I'm still closing this chapter and will create that blog post shortly. Once i finished the agonizing reliving of my life. I posted it in his office. (On Site) and I heard nothing for a day. Until I was told I had to attend a meeting with Dr Oliver And a Medical Professional. How Did pen and paper become a therapy for you? Now I knew I could speak out and voice my concerns without facing them directly and at the moment. Allowing me more time to prepare myself for the outcome. And think of responses. So after realising the power of it. I've used it as a platform for communicating my emotions for a while until I stood up in 2017 and launched the blog to make it public. From then on, your support has allowed me to help others and realise. That my realistic goal and aim in life is to help as many people as possible whom have had a poor start in their lives. [caption id="attachment_13702" align="aligncenter" width="604"] Photo of Li Jean-Luc Harris at Kent and Medway adolescence hospital, (woodland House) Staplehurst Kent (KMAH) - Indoor Meeting Room[/caption] How Did The Professional Meeting go? - what was the outcome? Actually, I don’t know what happened prior. The Professionals would not allow me to the discussion part of the meeting and could only attend to the outcome part of the meeting, but from what I could see, it was not the best of news for me.

I was told of the damage I had caused. I was told I was lucky to survive. Or didn't have other complications, and they referred me to Maidstone Hospital For a medical examination, but I'm not yet aware I'm about to become lost in the system. I discovered later this later on in life. I tried to get out of Kent And Medway Mental Health Hospital! I've co-operated let me out! I've done as you've said, so why am I still being punished? But they set the reality. Even though after 2 months I cooperated and allowed for myself to be checked over. I still can not leave. No matter how persistent I was and then I ended up on a section 3. as guess who tried to discharge themself again. Getting Put onto a Section 3 Under The Mental Health Act Because I wanted to leave again, they placed me on a Section 3 of the mental health act. Section 3 allows for a person to be admitted to hospital for treatment if their mental disorder is of a nature and/or degree that requires treatment in hospital. And Whilst detained under Section 3, you do not have the right to refuse treatment apart from electro-convulsive treatment (ECT) which can only be given without your consent if specific criteria are met. This was because at the time they could not release me as I was still at risk and at the time they created no treatment plans. And the lead clinician was still trying to get my care sorted out back in the community. The End of my Foster Placement With Carol And John Photo of Li Jean-Luc Harris photo taken at woodland house Kent And Medway Mental Health Hospital! I've written two posts about carol and John already. They are a massive inspiration to me wanting to work in residential child care. As well as fostering in the future. If you want to read more about their effects on my lives, you can use the following links: My Second Foster Care Placement With Carol And John The Breakdown Of My Second Foster Care Placement But as we know, all good things end. And I had just found out that my foster carers had to end the placement and that when i was discharged I could no longer return to this Foster placement. Sadly, this is the way social services work. As they deemed me of higher risk at this point. And that Carol And John were no longer suitable placements. This broke my heart and now meant that I would move to complete strangers again and have to build new relationships with another foster parent... (Unknown to me at the time that i no longer could go into a foster care placement...) Discharge Papers Are In. The Big Day. I was given the discharge papers. In two weeks, I would be allowed out in the community and to get my freedom back! I was so excited about moving and being able to see my family but still not to my knowledge I've got a roller coaster to attend for the next 3 Years experiencing many 16+ Services that the wonderful Kent County Council (KCC) Social Services Had to show me. But right now i was more excited to get back to some normality. And resume with my life goals at the time. What is Next For Li Jean-Luc Harris? Hi Everyone, what a productive couple of weeks. Both professionally and in my personal life. We've completed the Kent And Medway Mental Health Hospital Series. but this is not the end of the Blog posts in the Mental Health category. Next in Li's Story; we will talk about his other placements within Social Services. I had 4 more placements and then became homeless. I was ripped away from my foster carers, lost my rights and then told i would return to a completely new situation in life. Including Children's Homes And 16+ Transitioning Care / Semi-Independence Placements and how I spent two years in areas that I've never been too before. How about Jump The Gaps and find out some of my future? Addicted to drugs and then Homeless and finally Now I'm A Homeowner Spice / Legal High Addiction the Story (1/2) Thanks once again for your time and dedication to my blog. And life. See you in the next one.

0 notes

frenchrebelfries · 3 years

Text

Fury’s Daughter

AN: Idk wth I just wrote... I just got this idea so yeah... Happy Reading!

You are the adoptive daughter of Nick Fury, when you were 5 he adopt you when your parents died on a plane crash that was cause by Hydra, your parents and Nick were good friends that’s why he took you in.

You were a smart kid, always analyzing things, Fury told everything to you and never lie. To protect your identity Nick made you a new one as you volunteer to be an agent of Hydra to gain information and was branded by the organization. You did dangerous mission and always getting out alive.

You were then sent back to and joined the Avengers initiative but the avengers were suspicious of you as you came out of nowhere, no files, no nothing but a name and Fury’s trust.

No one knew who you are to protect your identity in recon so the avengers treated you coldly but you didn’t care, you didn’t tell it to your father about the situation you are in because you were train to adapt and you did. You were kind to them and all as you and Natasha got closer… like really close. Out of all Natasha Romanoff is the one you have trusted the most.

You got out from the elevator after a short report you did to Nick about the information you got for the Winter Soldier when you heard the laughing of the team as they sat in the living room with pizza on the table as they talked and laugh at each other.

The laughter halted when they all noticed you and silence came… you knew you were never welcome her but your father trust them so you really had no choice but to put up with it, sensing their discomfort you just gave them a nod greeting them.

“Good evening Avengers” no one answered as you expected and left and went to your room, you heard a light foot steps following you and a hand holding your wrist and seeing a familiar red head you have fallen with for the past few weeks.

“Hey Y/N, I’m sorry about the boys you know how hard headed they are” she sincerely apologized to you as you gave her a soft smile

“it’s ok Natasha, I know they still don’t fully trust me and I understand why, so it’s cool” you replied to her as she looked at you suspiciously searching your face for any lies but you being good at hiding your emotion she immediately gave up when she didn’t find one.

“So… Movie night?” she asked cheekily at you as your brows furrows

“what about the others?” you asked her as she started pulling you towards her room as she shrugged

“they can take care of themselves, come on!”

One day when you were alone practicing in the gym at 6 am of the morning you accidentally took off your clothes leaving you in your sports bra forgetting that Steve Rogers is always awake at that time and saw your Hydra mark on your chest and thought of you as an enemy and told the team as they planned to eliminate you on the next mission.

To eliminate the Hydra scum.

“can I get a hand over here?” you heard Clint said in the coms as you took down the last guy from your floor inside a hydra base that you’ve been recon last week

“I’m coming on your way” you answered running to Clint’s direction knowing the base like the palm of your hands as you shot a Hydra soldier who was sneaking behind him

“Thanks” you nodded at him you continue your pursuit taking down agents as you skillfully glide yourself on the battle field.

The battle had stop when Clint finished the last guy as Steve and Natasha immerge from the control room with a case on hand.

They must have gotten the information

“Mission complete, how’s the perimeter Tony?” Captain said on the coms as you get close to Natasha scanning her for any injuries and sighted in relieve when you found none.

“Perimeter is clear as the sky Steve were ready to go home” you smiled at the thought of home… Fury promised you a dinner with Maria and Coulson when you get back since things have been busy these couple of week and you were really excited about it since it’s going to be your first dinner with them again since you got back from recon.

“time for phase 2 then, Romanoff” you frowned at Steve’s word

Phase 2? You never heard about it when at the briefing

You were still in confusion when Steve called Natasha and you felt a searing pain by your side

You wiped your head to your side seeing a knife… a knife you gifted to Natasha lunge by your side.

You looked at her eyes full of betrayal and so as Clint and Steve who was in there with you.

“Phase 2 complete, were leaving, now die you Hydra scum” Steve said voice full of spite hearing a ‘good job’ from Tony and a ‘let’s go’ from Clint as you fall down on your knees looking at their retreating figure leaving you.

The last one you saw was the red headed assassin taking one last look at you as they close the door as your whole body fall down on the cold ground.

You shakily grabbed your phone dialing your father’s number as he answered rather cheerful

“Y/N why are you calling me? Is your mission done?” you heard your dad’s voice making you tear up a bit

“D-dad…”

“get your ass here kid Maria and Coulson just arrived here and im about to finish cooking these turkey”

“c-can I have a rain check on the dinner dad… I kinda messed up…” your voice was now shaking and you are feeling colder than usual the blade may have a poison as you felt a burn and getting light headed faster than normal.

Fury must have sense that there is something wrong by the way your voice sounded

“Y/N what happened? Are you ok?” you can hear his voice full of worry as you heard Maria and Coulson from the background asking what’s wrong.

“I-I think I was the p-phase 2 of S-Steve’s plan dad… it’s really g-getting cold here ya know” blood tricked on the ground from your wound

Your vision darken as flashes of memories filled your eyes.

You can hear the shuffles from the other line saying they are tracking my call and will be sending medical help

“I’m s-scared d-dad… I still d-don’t wanna go” you cried,

“Help is on the way Y/N keep holding on I’m here for you kid” you can hear the shakiness of your father’s voice, you kept trying to keep your eyes open and now seeing dark spots forming.

“T-thanks for everything dad… tell Maria and Coulson I love them…” your voice was barely audible hearing their cried for you to wake up.

“Keep your eyes open for me kid… please”

“I-I think a need a nap… l-love you dad” and you were gone.

They kept calling for you but you never answered back.

Fury along with Maria and Coulson with a medical team arrived at the base eyes redden because of crying as they found you on the cold ground with your phone by your side and a stab.

Fury cradle you like a baby as the medic announced your death with Maria and Coulson crying by the side.

“Did you check the monitors?” Fury’s cold voice echoed in a quinjet as your cold body layed beside him with your head on his lap stroking the hair that is covering your face.

“you’re not gonna like it boss…” Maria said with blood shot eyes as she played the video of Steve ordering the Phase 2 and Natasha Romanoff stabbing you as they left you.

“call them up at SHIELD… they would pay for what they did to her” Nick ordered as Coulson took his phone out to call them.

Nick glanced at you as he swiped some blood by your mouth hugging your corpse closer to him.

They avenger’s arrived at SHIELD seeing Fury holding Y/N’s hand as she lay dead on the table with Maria and Coulson by the back holding back their anger.

“what is this Fury?” Steve stepped out in confusion to why they got the body of Y/N

“What is the phase 2 Captain” Nick’s voice was colder than usual

“… to eliminate the Hydra-“ Steve answered as the other’s stayed silent

“and who is the Hydra?”

“Y/n…”

Then there’s silence, the team were uncomfortable with the silence but Steve was getting impatient with all of it.

“Look I don’t know what is your point here but you should thank us for killing the mole here Fury”

Fury looked at them as Coulson held Maria who was about to attack Steve as Fury spoke…

“I see no dead mole here Rogers… all I see is my dead daughter”

The team’s eyes widen as they froze from there spot

“W-what?” Bruce asked

“Y/N Fury... is my daughter who you called a Hydra scum”

“B-but she had the brand-“

“She had the brand because she was undercover inside Hydra that gave her the mark to extract information for your missions that is saving billions!” Fury angrily shouted making them all flinch.

All of it dawned to them as Natasha fall into her knees realizing she killed a hero… she killed her friend who trusted her… she killed the person who loved her…

“I pulled her out of the recon to keep her safe knowing her all her covers were blown, I put her into your team so she can be protected thinking after all those years of being away we can have a normal dinner like she wanted for years, I trusted my daughter in your hand yet you are the one who killed her…”

Fury stood up tears streaming down on his face

“Avenger Initiative’s termination is effective immediately, all of you would be put in maximum security prison for killing Y/N Fury” Agents entered taking their weapons and cuffing them

“Nick… I’m sorry” Steve’s voice filled with regret rang out as Fury looked at him coldly throwing a file on the ground in front of him as the content spilled revealing pictures of the Winter Soldier.

“Y/N wanted to give you this information from the last recon she was put in to, James “Bucky” Barnes is alive and now known as the Winter Soldier who is working for Hydra and has killed thousands”

Steve’s face was full of shock knowing his best friend Bucky is alive…

“Nick-“

“I’m sorry to cap…” Fury cut him off and coldly apologies to Steve who is now confuse to why as everyone in the room looked at them in silence.

“you took someone dear away from me… and now I’m taking yours, Good Bye Avengers and thank you for your service” before Steve and others could react they were all tranquilized knocking them out cold and only waking up in a glass cell with Ross smirking at them as they sat there in silence thinking the things that they have done for you.

“welcome to your new life Avengers…in prison!” and a loud laugh erupted from Ross as he walked out as ex-heroes gazes followed his exit.

#nick fury #avenger #natasha romanoff x re #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff angst #steve rogers #tony stark #bruce banner #clint barton #maria hill #phil coulson #nick fury dad #black widow x reader #natasha romanoff x reader #angst #avengers angst #reader

569 notes · View notes

mypoisonedvine · 4 years

Text

vignettes of a bond || alpha!bucky barnes x omega!reader

I originally wrote this in two parts for my sleepover but after I realized how long it accidentally became, I've reformatted it, added/changed a few things, and made into a oneshot!

word count: 3.1k

warnings: smut, angst, knotting, violence

June 2nd, 1943, 11:43 p.m., James Barnes’ bedroom

“I wanna do it, before I go,” he whispered against your skin. “But I know it’s wrong. It’s too cruel.”

“No, please,” you whimpered, “I want it. I want your mark.”

Bucky pulled back for a moment and you examined your Alpha’s face carefully, knowing it might be the last time for a long time. “I couldn’t bond to you and then leave you. It wouldn’t be fair… you deserve to find somebody who can stay, and be with you, and protect you.”

“All I want is you,” you whispered. “Please, Alpha… bite me.”

You saw him hesitate for a moment before he leaned in and sucked at your neck, building the anticipation before he finally sunk his teeth into your skin and you cried out, one single tear rolling down your cheek. “Mine,” he growled against your skin as he lapped at the healing wound, “my Omega. Forever.”

“Yours, only yours,” you agreed eagerly.

It wasn’t the first time Bucky had taken you, but that night he really and truly claimed you, left you a desperate begging mess, stretched out over his knot as he filled you over and over.

The next morning, you were still sore between your legs as well as on your new mark, and it took everything in you to be strong as you saw him off at the train station, waving goodbye and praying that your Alpha would return to you soon.

November 9th, 1943, 2:24 p.m., undercover SHIELD facility

“You promised Bucky you’d take care of me,” you reminded him with a little smile, wiping a tear from your cheek.

“I know,” Steve relented, “but we both know I can’t do that. Not in this state. But maybe I can protect you if I do this. Maybe I can protect my country. I owe it to everyone, especially Bucky, to try.”

You nodded. “But I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too. Come see me before I ship out for good, alright?”

“Of course,” you agreed.

December 27th, 1943, 8:32 a.m., your front porch

“You’re lying,” you gasped as you shook your head. “You’re wrong, no, it’s not true.”

“It is,” Steve promised as tears welled in his eyes, “I’m so so sorry, I saw it myself, I had to watch him fall…”

“It’s not true! He’s not dead!”

“I know he loved you so much. He talked about every day, he couldn’t wait to come home to you,” Steve remembered, choking up noticeably. “But he won’t. He’s gone.”

“You don’t understand, I know, okay? I know.”

“You’re in shock, I understand, it’s hard to lose your mate—”

“You’re a beta, you wouldn’t understand,” you dismissed; sure, he looked like an alpha now, but it didn’t make a difference. “Omegas, we know when our Alpha dies, we feel it, it kills us. He’s far away, but he’s still there, I still feel him!”

Steve held you as you sobbed, your body crumpling into his arms. Sometimes you thought maybe he held you too tight on accident because he was still getting used to his new strength; other times you thought he did it on purpose.

February 3rd, 1944, 12:00 p.m., undercover SHIELD facility

“Even when I had nothing, I had Steve,” you recalled shakily, “and now he’s gone too.”

“Is that why you’re volunteering?” Agent Carter asked you. “Because you’d rather sleep for a hundred years than live without your mate and your best friend?”

“I’m volunteering because my mate and my best friend died for SHIELD,” you corrected firmly, “and if I’m not willing to also, then I’m admitting I think they went to waste.”

“Steve told me you didn’t think Bucky was dead,” Peggy remembered.

You winced. “I’m not sure. But I know he’s not coming home again. I came here to give whatever I could to help find him… I was asked to participate in a cryogenics research study. If it helps him, then I’ll do it.”

She was about to get up, apparently satisfied with your final interview, but you stopped her.

“On one condition,” you added. “If James Barnes is found, alive or dead, wake me up to see him.”

She nodded, stepping out of the room and leaving you alone again.

May 8th, 2012, SHIELD headquarters

“Can you hear me?”

You slowly blinked awake, your vision taking a moment to catch up with your mind. You saw tubes coming out of your arms; you saw Steve above you, looking like the day you saw him last.

“Did you find Bucky?” you asked instantly. Why else would they wake you up?

“No,” Steve answered, seemingly a bit disappointed that that was your first and only question.

“Then put me back to sleep,” you demanded.

“It’s been 68 years,” he told you. “You’ve slept for 68 years. It’s time to wake up.”

And you did, more than you ever wanted to, because you realized you couldn’t feel him anymore. Your Alpha was gone. Worse, he probably died while you were asleep; he probably died alone.

One more time, like he had 68 years ago, Steve held you while you sobbed.

August 1st, 2014, 2:11 a.m., Avengers compound, Steve Rogers’ quarters

You ran into Steve’s room barefoot and still in your pajamas, barreling through the door and right into his bed.

“Steve, I feel him!” you rushed.

“What?” he groaned sleepily, looking up at you as he blinked in confusion.

“I feel him again, he’s alive,” you explained. “I know it. He’s weak… he’s hurting… but he’s there.”

“That’s impossible,” Steve shook his head. “It’s been too long, he would’ve died of old age anyways.”

“Don’t you want to believe it? Don’t you want to think he’s out there?”

“Do I want to think he’s alone and I didn’t save him?” Steve hissed. “No, I can’t say that I particularly do!”

“But we still can, Steve, we just have to find h—”

But before you could finish, the feeling left you, and you were just half of something again.

“Oh,” you breathed.

“He’s gone again?” Steve realized.

You nodded, biting your lip as it started to quiver. He sighed and pulled you into a hug. “If I could just see his body, and know it was over,” you whispered, “if I could just bury him, have a funeral…”

“We’ll have one,” Steve decided, “after this mission. We’ll put him to rest. He deserves that, and so do you.”

You nodded into his shoulder. It shattered you into a million pieces but it was still the better option, to try to let him go in whatever small way you could. He would always, always, always be your Alpha, nothing could change that, but a funeral would at least bring some closure.

That would have to wait until after your next mission though… and it was going to be a big one: tracking the elusive Winter Soldier.

August 3rd, 2014, 1:14 p.m., Lower East side

You were a few blocks away, helping civilians escape the firefight, when you felt it.

For one impossibly brief moment, you felt him, stronger than you had in nearly 80 years. He was here.

You instantly got up and ran like you’d never run before, finding the Soldier and Steve locked in a brutal showdown— but his mask was gone now, and you nearly fell to your knees at the sight of him.

“Bucky!” you yelped, but you knew he wasn’t there or you would’ve felt his presence. Your Alpha was somewhere underneath the shell that wore his face, and you needed to find him.

You ran forward just as Steve made a break for it, getting to him just in time to stand between the Soldier and his mission.

“Alpha, please,” you whimpered, clutching at his chest. A metal hand backhanded you to the ground.

“Out of my way, Omega,” he growled, stepping over you, but you grabbed at his ankles even when he tried to kick you away.

“My mark,” you explained hastily, pulling your shirt down some to make sure it was visible. “It’s yours. Do you remember? You gave me this. This is your mark on me.”

He stared down at you, seeming to be contemplating it, and you scrambled back to your feet and faced him.

“I still feel you,” you whispered. “I knew you were alive, I knew you’d come back to me. I could feel you, right here,” you explained as you took his hand and placed it on your chest. “Could you feel me? Did you know I was waiting for you all this time?”

His eyes were watering but he still seemed confused— stunned, more specifically, as you placed your hand on his chest.

“I’ll always be yours, Bucky. I’ll always be your Omega, no matter where you are.”

A stun gun took you down, an array of masked men appeared, and before he could really see you for what you were, he was dragged away and taken to be erased again.

August 3rd, 2014, 9:04 p.m., Avengers compound, medical bay

“I can’t believe we let them get away,” Steve lamented, resting his face in his hands. “I can’t believe they took him again…”

“They’ll be back,” you promised sternly. “They’re going to figure out what I am to him. They’re going to realize I could break his programming. And they’re going to come for me.”

“And when they do?” Steve pressed.

“We’ll be ready. And I’ll get my Alpha back.”

August 3rd, 2014, 9:04 p.m., temporary HYDRA operations facility

"The woman on the bridge... the Omega..." Bucky mumbled. "She knew me... she had my mark."

"No she didn't."

He furrowed his brow. "She showed me..."

Pierce sighed, glancing over to the HYDRA scientist who looked back at him sternly.

"She's too dangerous to be left alive," the man sighed, shrugging in his lab coat. "We can't deprogram a bond like that."

"We'll take care of her," Pierce promised.

Bucky launched from the chair, snapping his restraints like paper. "Touch her and I'll fucking kill you!" he bellowed, tackling his handler to the ground.

Pierce just laughed as another scientist jabbed Bucky with a needle, dosing him with something strong enough to kill any other man but just enough to knock out a super soldier. Pierce stood up and dusted himself off as he watched Bucky go limp and be lifted back into his chair.

"I can see the fight in your eyes, Soldier," he taunted as he leaned into his face. "I know you really would kill me, if you could. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, right? But don't worry about your mate, we'll make it quick and painless. Hey, maybe beforehand me and a few of the other Alphas will show her a good time, poor thing's been without her mate for 70 years... I bet she's raring to go."

Bucky's arm twitched as his eyes started to fall shut, a tear falling down his blank and motionless face.

"Wipe him," Pierce instructed to the scientist, turning and walking away as the electric whirr of the machine charging up filled the room.

August 11th, 2014, 3:53 p.m., SHIELD headquarters

Steve was impressed with how accurate and imminent your prediction was; HYDRA was hot on your trail and desperate to eliminate the biggest threat to their Asset. Knowing they were coming made it easier, but it was still a brutal fight.

You and Steve tried to stay together, but they were smart, they used the perfect bait to lure you away.

"Tell me where he is," you demanded from the HYDRA agent as you held a blade to his neck, "then I'll kill you."

"Isn't it supposed to be 'or I'll kill you'?" he frowned.

You shook your head. "Not the way I operate."

Opposite to the reaction you were expecting, he grinned widely. "He's here."

Your heart stopped.

"On the roof. He's here to kill you."

You dropped the knife and ran straight for the stairwell, ascending them like they were nothing and calling out for your Alpha.

You found him there, waiting, gun trained on you. Raising your hands in surrender, you yelled to him again.

"Bucky," you called across the windy roof, eyes nearly blinded by the bright afternoon sun. "Alpha."

"I'm not who you think I am," he yelled back. "I'm not your Alpha."

It hurt to hear it in his voice, but you knew it wasn't him. Cautiously, you stepped closer. "Before you left, you told me you didn't want to mark me and leave me behind," you recalled. "But I wanted it. I wanted to be bonded to you more than I'd ever wanted anything."

He could clearly see you were coming closer, he even tightened his finger over the trigger of his weapon, but he was waiting. You kept walking to him, slowly.

"I've never regretted it," you continued, "not even when I thought you were dead, not even when I had to spent a lifetime-- more than that-- apart from you."

Finally you were face to face, and you stepped closer until his gun was pressed right into your chest.

"You can shoot me now and I still won't regret it," you promised. "I love you."

Shakily, he lowered his weapon. "Omega..." he breathed.

"Your Omega."

He pulled you into him and you sobbed as you felt him come to life in your arms-- the real him, your Alpha, your Bucky. He held you close and breathed against the top of your head and it was like a dream coming true decades after you'd forced yourself to let it go.

But you'd never given up. And now you had found him again.

Agents started to come onto the roof and Bucky spun the two of you around, firing with his right hand and using the left, metal arm as a shield for you.

He carried you and you didn't even know where he was taking you, but it didn't matter. In his arms, you were home.

August 12th, 1:03 a.m., Avengers compound, your quarters

You hadn't stopped coming or crying for at least an hour. Bucky had all but split you open on his knot all night and he didn't show any signs of stopping.

He apparently intended to make up for lost time. And you'd lost a lot of time.

"Just one more, I know you can give me one more," he groaned furiously rubbing your clit as his knot began to swell again.

You could give him anything, as long as he asked for it like that.

You'd lost count of how many times he'd told you to come for him, and how many times you did it immediately.

"I can see how full you are," he whispered as he rubbed your stomach gently. "So much seed in you that your body can't hold it all."

You looked down and yep, you were distinctly bloated from his come alone; it made you a little dizzy to even look at it.

"The idea of you alone during your heats, no one to protect you, it kills me," he explained with a growl. "I won't let you go again. I can't."

"Then don't," you sighed. "Never leave this bed, fill me with everything you have."

"Did anybody ever help you through them? The heats?" he asked. "I wouldn't blame you, they can be so painful... I just need to know so I can make sure you forget about them."

"No, Bucky, never— I never let anyone touch me."

"Steve could've helped you, at least some..."

"He wouldn't have, he loves you too much. And I wouldn't accept anything less than you, ever. You're my Alpha. We're bonded. There's never anyone else."

That didn't seem to satisfy him, his eyes darting away as he swallowed. Your gut sank with the realization he probably wasn't being totally honest about why he asked.

"Your ruts," you gasped. "Were you alone for all of them?"

He shut his lips tighter.

"Bucky, it's okay, just tell me. I was asleep for 70 years, I skipped most of them, but you... you had to live through them all."

"They gave me betas, and omegas," he mumbled, "but I don't... I don't really remember. I know they wanted me to. They threatened to hurt me if I didn't, because they knew I'd go crazy after so many ruts alone, but I can't remember if I really did it. I remember... I remember crying, and begging for you."

"Alpha," you breathed as you felt new tears run over the stains of your old ones. "It's okay. Whatever happened, it's okay now. We're together again. Everything's okay."

You wiped his tear away with your thumb, holding his face tightly, weaving your fingers into his long hair.

"I'll always be your Omega," you promised.

He leaned in closer to you, kissing your cheek before pulling back a little. "It's faded," he whispered as he ran his thumb over the mark on your neck. "The last time I saw it, it was still fresh."

"It's older, sure, but it's stronger than ever, Bucky."

August 14th, 10:12 a.m., Avengers compound, residential area kitchen

Steve's eyes went wide when he came into the kitchen for breakfast and found you there, steeping your tea. "Surprised to see you out of the love nest so soon," he smirked.

"It's been three days, I don't think that counts as soon," you scoffed.

"It does to him," Steve frowned. "He's asleep, isn't he?"

"Yep."

"I know he wouldn't let you out of his sights if he was conscious," Steve chuckled.

At that moment, you heard Bucky call your name and run out into the hall, only a bedsheet covering his groin as he appeared in the doorway. You spun around and smiled when you saw him come running towards you, embracing you with his free arm.

"You should've told me you were leaving, I got scared when I woke up without you," he admitted weakly.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make you worry!"

He pulled back and clutched your face in both his hands. "I'm waking up next to you every morning for the rest of my life, you understand?"

You nodded dutifully. "Yes, Alpha."

"One hand on the sheet, please, Buck?" Steve winced, looking away.

“Whoops,” Bucky groaned, reaching to cover himself as you laughed softly.

“Let’s go back to bed, baby,” you decided quietly, taking Bucky’s (free) hand in yours and waving goodbye to Steve, who was already making his way as far out of earshot as possible.

#alpha!bucky barnes x omega!reader #alpha!bucky barnes smut

2K notes · View notes

poge-life · 3 years

Text

365 Days pt 2~ Rafe Cameron

Summary: After barely spending anytime with Rafe after that day on the druthers, Rafe invited you to go with him to a family dinner to make-up for it. After quickly returning home, he decides to show you exactly what he’s wanted to do with you.

Warnings: Smut (duh), choking, spanking, sex against a window, oral (m receiving), fingering, cream-pie, name calling (mostly slut), Rafe being a total babe.

Free ship or story to anyone who can guess how many times I wrote moan in this because I know I used it a lot lmao

word count: 4.1k

365 days

You and Rafe hadn’t had a moments peace since that day on the Druthers. Rafe had been swept away by Topper and Kelce and you had been doing some volunteer work with your mom. Since that day on the Druthers, your need for Rafe had grown stronger. Rafe did indeed ruin you for other men and that was fine.

Of course he would stay over most of the time but he would always be gone when you would wake up due to his best friends coming to take him away for the day. But tonight, Rafe had told you that you would be joining him in going to dinner with his family and you were excited to spend time with him, even if it was with his entire family.

Rafe had come to pick you up in order to get ready at his house and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t have the urge to climb over the console and just ride him in your driveway. But you gave yourself a pat on the back for having that much self restraint. Rafe had picked out your outfit for the night; a red dress that had a look back and clung to you in all the places that drove Rafe crazy. He loved the color red on you, the way it made (y/s/c) glow. You paired it with a pair of black heels and the jewelry Rafe had gifted you.

Rafe was dressed in black from head to toe. A black button up that was rolled up to the elbows tucked into his black dress pants with a pair of black buckle shoes. He had on a gold chain and his rings that you oh-so-loved on his fingers. He left his hair messy, just the way you liked it.

“Damn,” Rafe spoke, leaning against the bathroom door, “I’m the luckiest guy in the Outer Banks. I’m tempted to just tell my dad to fuck off so I can spend all night doing very bad things to you.”

You felt your heart race at his words. It wasn’t like you and Rafe to go this long without having sex and it was driving you nuts. You turned and leaned up against the bathroom sink as Rafe moved closer to you, “I know you’d prefer that over going to dinner. And I know you think about that day out on the boat. Because it’s all I think about.”

“Just how much you came apart for my dick and my mouth and my fingers,” He continued, “I turned you from this good little girl to my needy little slut who will do anything I say. And I know you like it.”

You clench your thighs to keep your arousal at bay from his words. It was no secret to anyone that Rafe had a dirty mouth. He oozes major sex appeal. And he was all yours.

You pushed off the sink, making your way over to him. You wrapped your arms around his neck as Rafe placed his hands on your waist, giving it a squeeze before he moved on to give your ass a squeeze.

“As much as I would love for you to fuck me, and trust me, I really want you too,” you told him, looking up at him through your lashes, “you need to prove to your dad you can handle the business.”

Rafe groaned, knowing you were right. He leaned down and placed his lips on yours, pulling away before he could deepen it. Rafe laughed at the pout on your face, giving your ass a pat before he pulled away, “C’mon, the quicker we go to dinner, the quicker we can fuck.”

Dinner wasn’t as bad as you expected. Of course, Rafe had to make a few remarks to John B but you and Sarah quickly shut it down before it could escalate.

Rafe had his hand on your thigh the entire night and you couldn’t help but wish he would move it just a little bit higher up your dress. He just looked so good and you didn’t understand how you managed to snap him up.

You couldn’t help but wiggle in your seat the closer you got to his house. Rafe had granted your wish and placed his hand just underneath the hem of your dress, but had his pinky rubbing the skin of your upper thigh and just that alone was enough for you to get going.

Shutting off his truck, you waited for Rafe to come around and open your door. This was the Rafe that you fell in love with. The Rafe that was never mean to you. The Rafe that was always sweet and a gentleman.

He held out his hand and you grabbed a hold of it, hoping out of the truck. Rafe shut the door and quickly pushed up against it, tilting your head up to look at him, “what should I do with you tonight, hm?”

You trailed your fingers down his chest, stopping just on his belt, tugging him closer to you, “Mm, you could start by giving me a kiss.”

Rafe smirked at you, nodding his head as he leaned down and gave you what you wanted. Tangling your fingers in his hair, you gave it a tug, causing Rafe to press against you, feeling his obvious arousal against your lower stomach.

You pulled away after biting down on his bottom lip, looking up at him. His lips were swollen and his pupils were dilated and his hair was even messier than before. And you loved it.

“We should go inside before I fuck you right here.” He whispered, pulling you with him up the walkway. Not before seeing your flustered look at the thought of Rafe fucking you against the side of his truck.

He shut the front door behind him and pulled you tight against him, wrapping his hand around your throat, giving it a soft squeeze. You let out a quiet moan at the feeling, looking up at him. Rafe applied a little more pressure as he leaned down to connect your lips together again. He let go of your throat to slide his hands down your waist, over the curve of your ass, and to the back of your thighs, giving them a squeeze. He bent down a bit and picked you up, causing you to wrap your legs around his waist.

Trailing your lips down his jaw and to his neck, you sucked just under his jaw, right where his sweet spot was as he walked you up the stairs and to his room. Rafe tapped the side of your thigh, signaling for you to get down. He opened his door and ushered you into his room, shutting the door as you walked over to his window.

From Rafe’s room, you had a nice view of the pier. You spent many mornings sitting out on the little balcony he had, watching the sunrise when you couldn’t sleep. It was those little moments that you savoured with him before both of you got whisked away for the day.

Rafe walked up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist, placing his chin on your shoulder. You placed your hands on top of his as you leaned back in his embrace, just listening to the quiet.

“You know,” Rafe spoke quietly, “I’ve always wanted to fuck you against this window.”

You hummed, turning your head to look over at him with a smirk, “so what’s stopping you? Sarah isn’t coming home tonight and your parents won’t be back for a while.”

“Fuck, I love that your just as dirty as I am.” He groaned, spinning you in his arms before walking you backwards and pressing you against the window.

Goosebumps showed up from the coolness of the glass against your warm skin. Rafe slid his hand up your thigh and pushed up the bottom of your skirt...only to be met with absolutely nothing.

His eyes darkened as he realized you had gone all night without any underwear, “you’ve been walking around without any underwear?”

You nodded, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth as your face heated up from the look he was giving you. He slid two fingers between your folds, moaning at the feeling of how wet you were. Rafe brought his two fingers up to your mouth and motioned for you to open it. You didn’t break eye contact as you leaned forward and wrapped our lips around his fingers, going down to the knuckles.

Rafe’s mouth dropped slightly as he watched your mouth work on his fingers. You swirled your tongue around his fingers, licking up your arousal. Rafe pulled his fingers out of your mouth and brought them back between your legs, slowly pushing them into your wet pussy.

You let out a moan at the feeling. You clenched around his fingers, causing him to smirk at you, “Already? I’ve barely done anything and you’re already clenching around my fingers.”

You threw him a glare which didn’t last long, as you threw your head back against the glass, arching your back as he maneuvered his wrist to hit that spot, “Fuck!”

“Fuck babe, you’re dripping.”

You looked down at his wrist to see your arousal coating his palm and looked back up at him, “mm, you have that affect on me.”

Rafe felt pride swell up in his chest at your words. He loved the way he made you feel. And he knew he was the only guy who could make you feel this way. Like you said, he ruined you for other guys. And you were perfectly okay with that.

You felt that pressure build up in your stomach, causing you to reach down and grab hold of his wrist as you arched your back off the glass, “Fuck, Rafe!”

“You gonna cum?” He teased, “You know what you have to do, baby.”

You opened your eyes to glare at him, knowing he wouldn’t let you cum unless you beg him for it.

You slowly started grinding down against his hand as you leaned forward, “Please let me cum...daddy.”

“I’m not sure you deserve it, baby. And you wanna know why?”

You nodded as you shut your eyes as he picked up speed with his fingers, “because you walked around without any underwear on. Anyone could have seen your pussy. My pussy.”

“I’m sorry, daddy,” you pouted, looking up at him through your lashes but Rafe shook his head, “Mm, do you want someone else to see my pussy? You want someone else to see how slutty you can be?”

You shook your head no as you moved to grip his shoulders, digging your nails into the fabric of his shirt, “I’m sorry, daddy. I don’t want anyone to see your pussy.”

Rafe tangled his hand in your hair and yanked it back, causing you to let out a moan, “That’s right. You’re my slut. My naughty little girl. So beg me to let you cum. Beg me like the naughty little girl you arm.”

You practically came right there from his words. You stuck out your bottom lip as you looked up at him, “I’m sorry, daddy. Please let me cum. I’ll be good. I wanna cum. Wanna be good for you.”

Rafe hummed as he leaned down to suck on your neck before nipping at your ear, “so cum. Cum on my fingers.”

You felt the fabric of his shirt rip as you gripped it and you knew you would have fallen if Rafe didn’t have hold of you as your climax took over you. Rafe slowly pulled his fingers out of you and they were covered in your cum.

Your mouth dropped as you watched him suck your arousal off his fingers. He raised an eyebrow at you as he pulled his fingers out of his mouth with a pop, “Want to taste?”

You nodded your head and Rafe slammed his mouth against yours, biting your bottom lip as he forced his tongue in your mouth. The kiss was hot and just straight tongue and spit and it was perfect. Just the way you liked it.

Rafe pulled away and looked over at your appearance. Your hair was slightly messy from him pulling on it and your chest was quickly rising. The bottom of your dress was pushed up above hips and your thighs glistened with your arousal.

“Fuck, you look so hot right now.”

Rafe grabbed your hand and pulled you over with him to his bed. He sat down and pulled you down with your legs on either side of him. His hands were on your ass, tightly gripping it as you moved yours to play with his hair.

“Want your dick, baby.” You mumbled, leaning down to place your lips on his as you started to move your hips against his. Rafe tightened the grip he had on your waist as he pulled away from the kiss, “So take it. You want it, do it yourself.”

You quickly jumped up from your spot on his lap and dropped to your knees in front of him, undoing his belt and quickly popping the button and pulling down the zipper. He lifted his hips up so you could pull down his pants and boxers.

Your mouth watered at the sight. His dick was glorious. The tip was red and dripping with precum and every vein looked tempting. You leaned forward and placed a delicate kiss on the tip, causing him to buck his hips up and grab ahold of your hair, “Don’t be a fucking tease.”

You wrapped your lips around the top of his dick and slowly worked the way down. Rafe was thicker than most and had a decent length to it. He definitely gave other guys a run for their money with his dick. You struggled the first few times you gave him head, only ever having given two guys head before.

Your nose was pressed against his pelvis and Rafe thrusted his hips up, causing you to gag and pull away. You took a breath before sucking on the tip. Rafe threw his head back with a groan as he tightened his grip around your hair, “Fuck, baby.”

You pulled his dick out of your mouth and trailed your tongue down the base. You wrapped your hand around him and started to twist your wrist. You leaned down and sucked one of his balls in your mouth, causing him to jump and look down at you in surprise.

This was the first time you had ever done that and he was conflicted on how it felt. On one hand, it felt weird and on the other, it felt fantastic, “Holy shit. That feels good.”

You threw him a wink and moved to suck on the other one. You released it with a pop and went back to sucking on his dick. Rafe grabbed your head with both of his hands and started to quickly thrust into your mouth. You let out a moan at the feeling and Rafe tensed up at the vibrations on his dick.

“Gonna cum right down your slutty little throat.”

You let out another moan at his words, eyes rolling back as you felt your arousal begin to grow again. Rafe let out a smirk as he slowly pulled out of your mouth, “stick your tongue out, baby.”

You did as he said and Rafe tapped his dick against it before sliding back into your mouth. He held your head down against his pelvis and let out a loud moan as he felt your throat contract around his dick.

You grabbed hold of his thighs as he thrusted into your mouth, still holding your head and you felt his thighs tense up, knowing he was about to cum.

Rafe threw his head back and tightened his grip on your hair as he felt his cum shoot into your mouth. He slowly pulled his dick out of your mouth and groaned at the cum that dripped down your chin. You stuck your tongue out before closing your mouth and swallowed, sticking your tongue out again to show him you swallowed it.

“Good girl.” he smirked, rubbing his thumb on your cheek.

You pushed yourself off the floor and pushed him to lay back on the bed as you crawled on top of him, “Need you to fuck me, Rafe. Need your cock so bad.”

Rafe grabbed hold of your ass before bringing his hand down on it. Hard. You let out a moan at the stinging sensation and he soothed the skin by rubbing his hand over where he just smacked, “Yeah? My needy little slut needs her daddy’s big dick? Tell me what you want.”

You sat up and slowly started to unbutton his shirt, “need you to fuck me, daddy. Hard. Need you to show me whose pussy it is.”

Rafe sat up so you could slide his shirt off his shoulders and he moved his hands to pull off your dress, moaning at the sight of your pierced nipples.

You let out a giggle as he leaned forward to suck one of them into his mouth. You shut your eyes and tangled one of your hands in his hair as his other hand came up and played with your other breast.

“God, I can’t get over how perfect your tits are.” He whispered, looking up at you. You rolled your eyes and tugged on his hair, “it’s not like you have a picture of them as your lock screen.”

He shrugged as he moved to flip you over so you now laid underneath him,”need some type of motivation to get up for the day.”

“You’re such a goof.” You smiled causing him to give you his actual smile before he leaned down to place his lips on yours. He grabbed hold of your knee and pulled it up to wrap around his waist as you wrapped your arms around his neck. Rafe moved his hand between the two of you to grab hold of his dick and slid the tips between your folds before pushing all the way in.

Your back arched up off the bed at the feeling of Rafe all the way in you. As much as you two have sex, it always takes a minute for you to get use to his size. Rafe had both of his hands on either side of your head as he slowly began to pull out of you.

He pulled out to leave just the tip in, before quickly thrusting back in. Letting out a loud moan, you dug your nails into his back, causing him to let out a groan at the feeling. The only sounds in the room that could be heard was skin on skin and both of your moans.

Rafe quickly pulled out of you, causing you to let out a whine which was cut short as he flipped you over. He pulled you up by your hips, pulling both of your hands behind your back, Rafe slid back into you. He wasted no time in quickly thrusting in and out of you. He brought one of his hands down on your ass hard, causing you to let out a moan.

Turning your head to the side to try and look at him, you nearly came from the sight of him. His chain was moving along with his pace, he had a light layer of sweat coating his forehead and chest, and his hair was sticking up in the front. He looked heavenly.

“Fuck, Rafe.”

Which was apparently the wrong thing to say. He pulled you up by your hands so your back was flush against his chest and he moved one of his arms around your front so he could wrap his hand around your throat, “what did you call me?”

“R-Rafe.”You stuttered, trying to push your hips back against his but he grabbed hold of your waist, preventing you from doing so,”That’s not my name and you know it.”

“I’m sorry, Daddy.” You leaned your head back onto his shoulder, turning to look at him. Rafe tightened the grip on your waist as he slowly pushed into you, causing you to let out a moan, “Fuck.”

“Yeah? That feel good?” He whispered, gripping your throat tighter as you nodded your head, “harder. Please fuck me harder.”

“You want me to fuck you, baby?” He teased, pushing into slowly again, “want me to fuck you until cum, hm? How bad do you want me? Use your words.”

You pushed your hips back into his, letting out a quiet moan at the feeling. This was by far your favorite position to have sex in. You always felt so...full. His dick felt bigger if that was even possible.

“I need it so bad, daddy,” you moaned, wrapping your hand around the wrist that was holding onto your neck, “need you to fuck me hard. Teach me not to be a slut in public.”

Rafe let out a loud groan as your words and pushed you forward. You propped yourself up on your arms as Rafe quickly began to thrust into you, “Jesus christ, you take my dick so well baby.”

You turned your head to look at him over your shoulder, “Cause you give it to me so good, daddy.”

You moved your hips back to meet his thrusts, causing him to take his hands off your waist, “go on baby. Fuck yourself on my cock.”

You began to move your hips backwards at a fast pace, let out quiet moans any time his dick hit your g-spot. Rafe leaned forward to grab hold of your hair and pulled on it, “you’re such a little slut, aren’t you? So desperate for me to fuck you that you’re doing whatever I tell you.”

You felt the pressure in your stomach grow and your arms were starting to shake, knowing you wouldn’t be able to hold yourself up much longer. Rafe let out a moan at feeling you clench around him. He pushed down on your shoulders and you were grateful to drop down. Rage pushed your legs together and spread your cheeks so he could watch himself go in you.

“You still on birth control?” He asked and you simply gave him a thumbs up, causing him to chuckle before thrusting into you hard. You clenched the sheets between your hands as Rafe began to basically fuck you into next week. He bent one of your knees up so fuck into you at a different angle, going even deeper.

“Oh, fuck yes!” You exclaimed as he began to hit your g-spot. Rafe leaned forward and pressed his chest against your back, moving your hair off your shoulder so he could place a kiss on it, “you wanna cum, baby? You wanna cum on my cock?”

You nodded your head as you leaned over to place your lips on his. The kiss was hot and messy. All teeth and tongue. Just the way you liked it. The knot grew tighter and moaned into his mouth, causing him to pull away. He leaned his head on your shoulder as he laced your fingers between his, grabbing onto the sheets with you.

“Oh fuck.” he groaned, snapping his hips against your ass hard.

“Want you to cum in me, baby.” You whined, “Please cum in me.”

“You wanna cum baby?”

You nodded as Rafe pulled out almost all the way before slamming back into you, “then cum for me.”

You let out a moan, legs shaking as your climax took over. Rafe thrusted into you hard and fast, chasing after his own orgasm. His hips stilled as he thrusted into you hard, one last time. “Oh shit.”

Rafe leaned his head on your shoulder to rest before he pushed himself up to watch himself pull out of you. He let out a groan at seeing his cum leak out of you. He pushed two fingers into you as you let out a moan, legs tensing as he quickly pulled you to another orgasm.

Rafe pulled his fingers out as you turned over on your back, bringing his fingers up to your mouth. He watched with a look of amazement as you sucked both of yours cum off your fingers, “god, I love you.”

You pulled his fingers out of your mouth as you smiled at him, “I love you, too.”

A/N

Here we gooooo! After a long while of me saying I’m going to post it, here it is! Thank you so much for being patient with me and thank you all for the love you guys have showed 365 Days part 1. I didn’t expect it to blow up as much as it did and i really love that you guys love it!

taglist: @littlementalpolaroids

#drew starkey #rafe fic #rafe imagine #rafe cameron #outerbanks rafe #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron imagines #rafe cameron smut #drew starkey imagines #drew starkey imagine #drew starkey smut #Outer Banks #outer banks imagine #outer banks imagines #outer banks smut

1K notes · View notes

mysticalrambling · 3 years

Note

Hey there😄😄I hope you are doing well...You did my last request so fabulously🤩🤩So I'm back with another request😅😅It's another arranged marriage request and I think its the most bizarre request I ever had so please be patient with me😂😂 and you can decline the request if you don't feel so😅😅...Ok so here it goes..

*Steve and y/n are required to get married under the marriage law, he doesn't wants to but being the good soldier he obeys the government....they get married but steve is cold towards his wife...his teammates tell him to give his marriage a chance but he ignores them...Then the accords happen and without a care he leaves his wife behind who is heartbroken seeing all this..Then after 2 years he sees her but again he feels nothing but after the snap when he saw losses around him and he gives his marriage a second chance, he starts being civil to his wife and cares for her but they never consumated their marriage...When the time heist becomes successful Steve consumates his marriage with the reader out of happiness and she thinks all is well...Everyone returns from snap and no one dies...But steve returns the stones and stays in the past and old steve comes back.... Heartbroken Y/n refuses to meet him and leaves the compound...turns out she was pregnant with Steve's baby and doesn't wants the old steve to know so...One day old steve sees pregnant y/n who is around 7 months pregnant and realises its his baby, he apologizes but she ignores and turn away from him... He goes to get help from Scott bcz he wants to be with his wife and son now bcz he and Peggy couldn't have kids, everyone thought steve was selfish...But then he tells the truth that he never wanted to stay in past, but when he went to say goodbye to peggy, she abducted him and broke the timetravel apparatus and forced him to stay in the past...Young Steve comes back and now his son is born who is around 8 months old...He attempts to get back with his family but his wife still ignores him and doesn't let him come near her or her son...Steve regrets for not loving his wife in the past and also volunteering for returning the stones...Then one day powerbroker (Sharon) blasts the house where steve's family lived thus killing his family, in way to revenge her aunty peggy...Steve is left with nothing but pain and regret....*

Regretting His Decisions (S.R)

A/N: Thank you so much lovely and I loved the plot line. I loved writing about it and I made a few additions to the story. Hope you like it.

Steve Rogers Fanfiction (Fanfiction Master List)

Summary: You and Steve get married and he is really rude to you. Then he leaves you behind and goes back to Peggy but he doesn’t realise that you are pregnant. However, Sharon kills you and the baby to avenge her Aunt Peggy and Steve is left with nothing but pain and regret.

Warnings: Angst all the way.

._._._._.

Steve never wanted to marry you or anyone else for that matter. But the government wanted it and like a good Captain, he listened to them. It was the stupid law and he wanted to wring the neck of those who made it. The protectors of the world had to get married so that the world sees them as fellow citizens instead of humans with super powers.

All the Avengers knew that Steve was hesitant to get married and he was doing out of duty. They knew that it was unfair but they all had met you. They all loved you instantly and knew that you and Steve would hit it off. However, the only problem was that he refused to meet you. The only thing that he knew about you was your name and your job occupation. Apparently, it wasn’t worth his time to get to know his to be wife.

“You need to give it a proper chance before you form an opinion.” It was the night of your bachelor party and while everyone is blackout drunk, Steve and Tony just sat on the side couch. For a person who was getting married tomorrow, Steve looked miserable and Tony couldn’t help but interfere.

“I am doing my job and that’s all that matters.” Taking a quick sip from his glass, he didn’t even wince at the liquid burning his throat.

Sighing, Tony filled up his glass again. A drunk Steve was better than a sober one, in his opinion. “A marriage is not a job and you need to try harder.”

“You don’t get to have an opinion, Tony. You got the perfect girl and the perfect wedding.” Jealousy coursed through his veins when he realised that everyone got to be with the love of their loves while he was stuck with someone who he barely knew.

Tony was left speechless and before he could come up with a response, Steve got up from his place and made his way towards his room. Calling it a night, he dreaded the next morning. He was happy for all of his friends but he also wanted to fall in love over first coffee dates, first movie nights, the first kiss and the moment he proposed because he loved you. Not because he was obligated too.

“You ready, Stevie?” Bucky was trying to be supportive but the headache was killing him. The tequila was literally seeping out of his pores. “How are you not hungover right now?”

“I didn’t drink like a maniac last night.” Adjusting his bow tie, he took a deep breath. This was the most difficult thing that he was going to do in his life and he just wanted to be left alone for sometime. “Can I have a moment alone?”

“Are you going to run if we leave you alone?”

“I am not a quitter and you all know that.” They all filed out of the room and he just sat down on the sofa and gave himself a prep talk.

You were no better on the other hand but you were ready to give it a try. Captain America was a good man and he would make a good husband. At least, that’s what you thought. You understood that the marriage was not happening under the best of circumstances but you could give it a fair chance. Taking a deep breath, you went to join your father on the doorway. He gave you a tearful smile and linked his hands with you.

“Do you take Steve Rogers as your lawfully wedded husband?” The minister asked the much awaited question and you quietly responded with an ‘I do’. During the whole ceremony, you wanted him to look at you but his eyes kept wandering. You passed it off as nerves but little did you know that he was so repulsed by the idea of this marriage that he refused to look at his wife to be.

“You guys are finally married. Treat her well, Rogers.” Fury took you both in a bear hug while your husband just hummed in response. You were like a daughter to Fury and that is why he recommended you as Steve’s spouse. He knew that Steve was an honorable man so he would fulfill all his duties as a husband.

The whole night was spent with you both smiling and engaging in conversations with the guests. However, you both made minimum effort to talk to each other except a few stolen glances. Your feet were killing you by the end of the event but you were never the one to complain. A look of relief appeared on your face when Steve announced an end to the event and thanked everyone for coming.

“Come on.” Hurriedly meeting his steps, you sat in to the passenger seat and those were the last words that were exchanged between you. When you entered the house, he took you straight to a guest room and then left. Whatever expectations that you had for tonight were crushed and so you went to bed with tears in your eyes and your wedding dress still on you.

During the next few weeks, Steve didn’t even glance at you but whenever you made an effort to do something nice for him, he shot you off. He was not willing to give it a chance and for the first few times that you made him dinner, he just picked it up and threw it in to the trash. You were never allowed in to his room and you learned it the hard way.

One day, you just wanted to put his laundry in to his room because he was not home yet. What was the harm? But boy, were you wrong. He came home early that day and he bursted at you the moment he saw you in his room. He called you some very mean things that you do not even want to recall. That night, you cried so much that your entire pillow was soaked but you didn’t want to leave him. You were in love with him way before you were married. He was the guy who saved the world and he was a good and an ethical man. Maybe he wasn’t nice to you but he was a good man and you couldn’t disagree with that.

It wasn’t that you needed a man in your life or you were dependent on him. It was that you had feelings for the man and your parents never raised you to be a quitter. You were still hoping that it all may be alright in a few days or weeks and you could have a family together. She knew that she had to be realistic but sometimes a girl wanted hope.

“I won’t be coming home for a few days.” At least he had the courtesy to tell you this time that he was going. "I have asked some of the agents to check up on you daily so if you need anything, just ask them."

"Okay." You quickly dismissed his questioning stare because he thought that you would ask questions. However, you knew that he would be rude and you would snap at him this time. A girl could only handle so much.

A week had passed and you got daily updates from Liam and Noah regarding the civil war. You still couldn’t believe that Tony and Steve were fighting because you witnessed their friendship firsthand. They had just informed you that Steve and his team were arrested by the government and shipped off to a black sight. You wanted to go to Fury and ask him to release all of them but Liam told you that it wouldn’t work. It was out of his hands.

“What do you mean?” You couldn’t believe your ears right now. Fury came by your house instead of Liam and Noah. He informed you that Chris and the other Avengers escaped from the prison and no one knows their location. Hurt was one of the most evident feeling running through your body and you didn’t know how to respond. How could he leave without telling you anything? How could he just leave?

“There will be some investigations on you but it would be nothing serious.”

“Why?” You exclaimed.

“The government is convinced that you know their location. It will blow over in sometime.”

“I am not going to sacrifice my freedom for someone who wasn’t even bothered to tell me about all this.” The hurt quickly turned into rage.

“But (Y/N)-”

“Tell all of them that I will not be doing anything and that you all should leave me alone.” You stood up and Fury took it as his cue.

Closing the door, you don’t let yourself ponder over the throbbing ache in your chest and instead get to packing. You were going to move out of this house and leave this life in the past. You moved into your parents house and immediately shot down their questions about Steve. There was a bookstore across from a studio apartment that Tony helped you find in the next few days. You loved books and the job paid pretty well. Soon, you forgot all about Steve and your failed marriage. Of course, there were feelings that you had to bury deep inside of you but you successfully managed to move on with your life.

“Have you heard, munchkin? Cap is back.” Tony shuffled your hair as he entered the library.. Pausing for a minute to absorb his words, you got right back into arranging the magazine section. It was the last thing that you had to do before you got off for the night.

“I don’t care. Are we still on for the night?”

“Yes. Pepper is cooking for the first time. Just say that you like the food.” From the past two years, Tony has been your person. He was the one who ordered you food when you were feeling too low or who massaged your feet when you had feet sores from lugging around books all day. You were thankful to have him in your life because he was not there to support you financially, he was there to support you emotionally. Sometimes, you felt so alone that you thought you might go into depression. But he was there to pull you back and so was Pepper. They were your family.

“Okay, Tony. I already know.” Quite a few things have changed over the years such as you changing your hair color to low lights and getting bangs. You changed your sense of style and. now you were pretty much unrecognizable. It was all in hope of leaving the past and turning over a new leaf. And you were somewhat successful.

“So how was the food?”

“Awesome!” The fake, shrill voice was hard to recognise, even for you but you didn’t want to hurt Pepper’s feelings.

“I know it was not good so I ordered some pizza as a back up.”

“I love you.” A chorus sounded from Tony and you as you both hugged her and kissed her on either cheek.

“Yeah, yeah.” She quickly dismissed you both but the cheeky grin on her face was hard to hide. You called it a night when you started feeling sleepy and you said your goodbyes. Your apartment was only two blocks away so you decided to take a walk to clear your head. Steve had been on your mind since the time Tony mentioned that he was back. As much as you wanted to believe that his arrival didn’t effect you, you couldn’t deny all the feelings that came rushing back in.

“Robbins Library, how may I help you?” Without looking up, you asked the question in a fake, chirpy voice.

“Why are you not at the house?” The voice startled you from your receipt checking and you gave him a confused look. As you had time to process the question, you looked over his appearance. More muscular and a fully grown beard was an interesting look and definitely suited him.

“Well, it was not mine to begin with.”

“I left you that house so you would be comfortable.”

“I am doing just fine without it. You know, I didn’t need anything from you but love and respect.”

Steve was trying to do something nice for you but he didn’t understand you. He felt nothing towards you even if he tried. Guilt coursed through him when he saw the look of hurt on your face but he couldn’t do anything about it. “That is too much.”

“Well, I deserve it and I am not going to settle for anything less.” This time, the brain won the battle and you were secretly glad. You resumed your work and he left without saying another word.

The city was in chaos in a few days because there was an alien invasion in place. The Avengers were all over the problem but Pepper and you were panicked. However, the only difference was that she could ask about Tony’s whereabouts and you couldn’t do that for your husband. There were no updates for you and when Noah came to get you both with a battered suit, you were worried.

Walking towards the tower, you realised that many people were crying but the most important thing was that it looked like half of the population was gone. There were a lot of things that you didn’t understand right now but only one thing mattered. One person. Steve. You ran towards the tower and when you saw him sitting on a chair with his head in his hands.

“What happened?” The logical part of your brain started working right on time.

“We couldn’t prevent the snap and Thor escaped.”

You didn’t know what it all meant but it was definitely something bad. “So what does it mean?”

“It means that half of the human population have disappeared. It means that half of our friends, families, loved ones have disappeared. It means that I have failed!”

“Why are you getting angry at me?”

“Just leave me alone.”

“Do not speak to me like that. I do not deserve it. When you are in the right frame of mind, come talk to me.” You were not the person that suffered silently. You were the person who knew. what she wanted and how she should be treated.

Going outside, you called your parents but it just went to voicemail. However, busy they might have been, they always picked up their phone. So you knew that they were gone too. You were alone in this world and you didn’t know what to do. In the far distance, you saw Tony and Pepper hugging and you were happy to see that your best friend was not gone.

With tears running down your eyes, you turned back and collided into a firm chest. Looking up, you saw Steve and you just wanted someone to be with you right now. That’s what Steve also wanted because he felt like a failure right now. He wanted to give the marriage another chance as he thought that it was a miracle that you both were still here after the snap. It was not fair on you but he just needed someone and so did you. It was a fair trade.

“I just don’t want to be alone right now, Steve.”

“Me too. Let’s go upstairs.” You both just silently hugged each other and kept staring out into the Manhattan skyline. You knew that he didn’t have any feelings towards you and you cared about that. But not today. Today, you wanted to just lie down and soak up in his presence because he was the only one left for you.

He brought you breakfast in bed the next morning and he took you to all the meetings. You were confused as to why he was doing all of it and when you asked him, his answer was ‘I am trying’. You didn’t get your hopes high because you knew that it would be pathetic. This was going to be temporary and you just knew it. However, you just wanted a companion so you rolled with the situation.

“We can work around quantum physics and get all of our friends back.” He informed you over the ice cream that you were sharing. A Netflix movie ran in the background because it was a Saturday and it was a routine for you both.

“That’s a really good thing.”

“We are going to do it tomorrow.”

“Nice. I am going to bed. Are you coming?” He mumbled out a small yes and picked up all the dishes to put them in the sink.

The whole day tomorrow you clinged by your phone and called your parent’s number after every fifteen minutes. You looked crazy by the end of the day but when they finally picked up, you couldn’t explain the joy that coursed through your whole body. Talking to them for hours, you promised that you would visit them and you cancelled the call.

Steve came back with a bottle of wine in his hands to celebrate. “We were successful. The world is saved. Cheers!”

“Cheers!” Both your happiness knew no bounds and after a few many glasses, you both were dancing to Taylor Swift songs. By the end of the night, you two were truly drunk and one thing led to another. You woke up the next morning with sheets wrapped around your frame and the pillow beside you crumpled but cold. You regretted the night so much because you knew that he did not have the same feelings for you.

The whole day, you spent cleaning the apartment as there were empty bottles of alcohol laying around. Then you went to the library and today was a busy day because many people wanted an update for the past five years of their lives. It kept you distracted from everything and when Tony came in, it was like the past repeating itself. He told you that Steve went to place the stones back but he came back as old.

You stopped listening to him after sometime as your mind tried to process what was happening. He betrayed you. Again. You were preparing yourself for the hurt whole day but this was totally unexpected. You knew what to do so it was a good thing. Detach yourself from the situation and do damage control. That was your motto for the next seven months and you refused to meet him even after you found out you were pregnant.

“You are in the mood of some ice cream with pickles, hmm little bean?” Rubbing your round belly, you walked towards the snacks aisle. The flavored pickle was on the top shelf but it was out of your reach. A wrinkly hand from behind picked up the jar and when you turned around to thank him, your voice was stuck in your throat. There stood your husband but the older version. The wrinkled face still held some similarities to the young captain but he had a slight hunch and grey hair.

“(Y/N), is that you? Are you- You are pregnant?” The question in his eyes was pretty evident.

“Seven months.” You curtly spoke and wheeled the trolly towards the check out. He quickly figured out the timeline and felt guilty. It was his baby and he left you alone. He caught up to you when you were bagging the groceries.

“I am sorry, (Y/N). I didn’t know. If I could change everything, I would. Please give me another chance.”

“You chose Peggy so you don’t get to come back in my life. Leave us alone. It would be a favor for this child if he never gets to know you.” Telling him off made you feel a whole lot better and you went towards your car.

Seeing you leave, Steve knew that he had to make things right. He went to the compound where all the Avengers were lounging around.

“I thought you had retired, Cap.” Peter called out from playing his video game with Bucky.

“I want your help, Scott. I want to go back to my old self.”

“Why, Captain? Got bored of the grandfather look?” Tony asked while stuffing his mouth with buttered popcorn.

“No. I just found out that my wife is pregnant and I want to be there for them.”

“That’s sweet but why? You already had your chance with Peggy.” Natasha wasn’t very happy with Steve right now but they all had the same question running through their minds.

“Peggy and I couldn’t have kids.”

“So you are using (Y/N) and this kid as a replacement. That’s just selfish, Steve.” Everyone gave him a disgusted look because they couldn’t believe that he was just using you and the child to fill a hole in his life. Not because he loved you both.

“That’s not true. I didn’t want to stay in the past with Peggy but she forced me to. She broke the time machine apparatus and I had no other choice but to accept that life.” He looked at all of them and saw that they all were listening to him. “I made a time machine the whole time I was there and when it was complete, I got the hell out of there.”

“Oh, Steve. We are so sorry. Of course, we will all help you.” Hugging him tight, Nat spoke on behalf of all the others. The machine was all ready to go so Steve stood in the middle of it with Scott. They had to go back and fixed the machine’s timing and it would take some months to do all that.

Meanwhile, you got back home and unpacked all the groceries. Your hormones were running wild at the moment as you sat on the sofa with your swollen feet on the coffee table. You wanted a companion sometimes who would massage your back or who would call you pretty when you were feeling insecure about yourself or who would bring you food at four a.m. But this was a dream and you gave up on it a long time ago. You were enough for your baby and that was a fact.

When Steve came back, 10 months had passed by. You had given birth to a beautiful baby boy after a 21 hour labour. You cried and even though you had your mom with you, you still called out for Steve. You wanted him with you and afterwards, when you held that boy in your hand, you wanted Steve to be there with you to enjoy the moment. However, it was the last time his name even came out of your month.

“Oliver, you need to eat, bubba.” The last 8 months have been a rollercoaster ride for you and you knew through Tony and Pepper that Steve had gone back in time. You didn’t bother with the details because you had another human being to worry about.

“Nooooo.” This one word was the kid’s favorite and everyone of his sentence started with it. You were interrupted in the middle by the doorbell. Picking up your child from the high chair, you made your way through the house towards the door.

“What are you doing here?” Steve looked the same age as you so you knew that the time machine trip was successful. But you saw red. He didn’t deserve you or Oliver.

“(Y/N), is- is that him?” The blubbering baby did not even pay attention to his father and kept on pulling your hair. He was an exact replica of Steve from the dirty blonde hair to the charming smile. A literal reminder for you but you loved this little boy to death.

“Yes and now go away. We don’t need you.” Looking at the baby, he regretted the day he made the decision to be the one to return the stones. He regretted the fact that he did not allow himself to love you. He regretted everything. “Do not come near us. Goodbye.”

You went on with your week as per usual with feeding Ollie in the morning and taking him to the library with you where he had his own play pen. Then getting light lunch across the street and coming back home to take a nap for a few hours. Afterwards, you both ate dinner while Oliver’s favorite cartoons played on the tv. Except for the fact that Steve was at your house, your job and your cafe from the day he came back. He tried to apologize but the years that you spent in agony was too much. It was too little, too late.

It was a Sunday afternoon and by some miracle, Steve had left you alone. He had a meeting with the other Avengers regarding Asgard today. You were just playing with Oliver on his mat as he tried to crawl towards the stuffed toys in your hands. Before you picked him up, you thought that you smelt gas. However, a loud explosion threw you in to the nearest wall and you knew that your time was here. During the last few breaths, you tried to find Oliver but you couldn’t move. Mentally calling out for Steve, your gaze became unfocused and you lost conscious.

“Wha-What happened?” Steve knew that there was a bomb blast and he wanted to hope against all hope that you both were safe. However, the two body bags wheeled out of the burnt down house had him fall to his knees.

“There was an explosion and we caught Agent Sharon fleeing the scene.”

Sharon had confessed that she wanted to have revenge on Steve for cheating on her aunt Peggy. The new family that Steve had was a disgrace to her Aunt’s memories so she murdered them. She had gone a little crazy because Peggy was the one who take care of her when she was a child and she felt that Steve betrayed her.

Steve didn’t know what to do with his life at the moment. He was left all alone and his family was snatched away from him. He didn’t get a chance to be with them and now he was left with nothing but pain and regret. Trying to convince Fury to let him go back in time and prevent the explosion was futile because Fury just told him that this would upset the balance of nature. He didn’t understand it at first but then as time passed, he did. All the toys and photos that were salvaged from the house now decorated Steve’s very lonely apartment and he never let himself forget.

This was his punishment and he was not going to run away from it. Not this time.

Hope you guys enjoyed it!!

._._._._.

A/N: I loved writing about Steve but I am no longer taking requests for some days. I actually have some of my drafts that I want to complete. You can send in requests but it will take some days for me to get to them:) Love you guys and do tell me if you want to be added to my taglist.

Taglist: @kalopsia-flaneur, @justile

Like, comment and reblog.

330 notes · View notes

cafedanslanuit · 4 years

Text

chapter guide | prev. chapter | next chapter

✖ — summary: porco wasn't surprised when you called him at three in the morning because you were too drunk to drive back to your place. he would always be there when you needed, both as your best friend and the guy who was completely head over heels for you. and both of them were sure zeke jaeger was cheating on you.

✖ — pairing: porco/reader & zeke/reader

✖ — tags/warnings: so far it’s sfw but rating will change in future chapters, college au, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, unrequited love, cheating, toxic relationships, friends to lovers

chapter one: save your love

“Thanks for picking me up, Pock. You didn’t have to.”

“Tch. Of course I did,” Porco replied, putting his arm on the back of your seat on his car and reversing, getting out of the bar’s parking lot. You took your time observing him and noticed the bags under his eyes. You shouldn’t have been surprised. What were you expecting when you called him at 3 am asking him to pick you up from the bar because you were too drunk to drive home?

Porco rested his arm on the open window of his car, his other hand handling the wheel with ease. There were very few cars on the highway and the chilly air refreshed your body just right, making the ride home a lot more comfortable than you pictured. You closed your eyes, basking in the feeling of safeness you always felt whenever your best friend was around, plus the sweet dizziness on your head from the vodka and Porco’s cologne.

“What did the fucker do this time?”

It didn’t last long.

“He didn’t do a thing.”

Porco scoffed. “Yeah, right. Are you really going to pretend you didn’t end up in that bar because of what Zeke’s ‘friend’ just posted on her Instagram?”

“Porco, please.”

“What was the caption again? Oh, right. ‘Movie night’, devil face emoji, fire emoji,” he recalled with a snicker, his eyes fixated on the road. “She even tagged him on it, her legs resting on his lap and shit. Was it the same girl he took to the cat shelter for some ‘volunteer work’ last week or another?”

You didn’t answer. You knew Porco already knew who she was.

“She’s very pretty,” you mused. “It makes sense.”

“Please, have you looked at yourself?” Porco asked, taking a right turn.

Jokingly, you took the rearview mirror and angled it towards you. Your mascara was a little worn off and there were only traces of the red lipstick you had put on before heading to the bar. Your hair was messy as well and you look like you desperately needed a bottle of water.

“I look like shit,” you laughed, putting the mirror back to its original place.

“Shut the fuck up, you look good.”

“Pock, look at me. Whatever is going on here,” you said, gesturing at your face, “ain’t good. If you think so, your taste is really lacking.”

Porco chuckled, eliciting a soft smile from you.

“I like to think I have really good taste.”

“If we’re being serious, you have way too high standards,” you yawned, extending your arms and feeling some cracks on your back.

“How so?” he inquired, arching an eyebrow.

“You haven’t been in a relationship since I know you, which is what— a year?”

“And?”

“And I’m starting to think you’re afraid of commitment. Maybe you’re just afraid of a relationship,” you shrugged.

“Are you done, Freud?” he teased, sparing a quick glance at you before looking back at the road again.

“All I’m saying is you’ve had both beautiful girls and boys at your disposition and you have never even tried to date them. Well, no, my bad, you did take this one girl on a date. And what happened next?”

Porco chuckled. “Look, it’s not like that, we just didn’t click and—”

“You told her you were better off as friends and to this day I haven’t listened to a solid reason as to why you would drop such a pretty girl like her.”

“She just didn’t have what I was looking for,” he shrugged innocently.

“See what I mean? Unbelievable high standards. None of us is worthy of the mighty Porco Galliard, the lacrosse team captain who can fit seventeen marshmallows inside his mouth.”

Both of you broke in laughter, not caring about waking up someone from the houses alongside the road. You looked around and immediately recognized the neighbourhood, your laugh ceasing immediately. You patted Porco’s arm, trying to get his attention.

“Can you turn left at the next intersection?”

“We need to keep straight to get to your place.”

“I want to go to Zeke’s for a minute.”

Porco’s face twisted into a scowl. “Why would you want to go to him right now?”

“I— he told me he was watching movies by himself. I just want to check on him, we don’t even have to step off the car.”

“Hey,” he said sternly, catching your attention. “Don’t do this. You saw her Instagram post, you know what happened between those two. Are you really going to believe him after you just saw fucking evidence?”

“I know him,” you insisted. “He wouldn’t just flat out lie to me, not like that.”

“And the photo from tonight? How do you explain that?”

You took a deep breath, a sharp pain in your head making you close your eyes tightly.

“I don’t know,” you sighed. “Please, just— drive past his house. If his lights are out, then he must be sleeping after watching those movies by himself, just like he told me so.”

Porco scoffed.

“Porco, please,” you pleaded, squeezing his arm as you got closer and closer to the intersection. “Please.”

Rolling his eyes, Porco turned left as you asked him to and started driving to Zeke’s house, following your instructions. He didn’t try to come up with conversation again, instead, his eyebrows furrowed in annoyance as he pulled up crossing the street, a couple of houses away from your target.

Your heart immediately relaxed when you looked at Zeke’s window: the lights were off. You let out a long, tired sigh, letting your forehead rest on the glove compartment of Porco’s car.

“I don’t understand you,” Porco sneered, resting his chin on his hand, his elbow pressed on the open window of his car. “Him having the lights off means nothing, he could—”

Porco turned to you as you sat back up, your eyes meeting his. He bit his tongue, silently cursing and looked at his wheel, setting both his hands on it.

“He could what?” you insisted.

“Nothing,” he quickly replied, passing a hand through his hair. “His lights are off. Can we go now?”

“Yeah, yeah,” you whispered, sitting back against his passenger seat and getting comfortable.

Right when Porco was reaching for his keys, a noise in the quiet neighbourhood startled you. Both of you raised their heads as a black car passed alongside them and parked in front of Zeke’s house. A tall, blonde girl exited the same house, accompanied by none other than your boyfriend. You recognized her as Yelena, who had begun appearing more and more frequently in his pictures at the same time he started posting less and less about you.

Zeke walked her to the car and you watched in horror as she pressed a kiss on the corner of his lips before getting in the car. He closed the door after her and patted the roof of the car twice before sending her off. Porco gripped the wheel tightly as Zeke stretched his arms and walked back home, dragging his feet without a care in the world.

Sighing, Porco turned to you, who were already dialling Zeke’s number.

“No, c’mon,” he said, trying to take your phone away but you swatted his hand away, putting a finger on top of your lips, asking for silence.

“Hey baby,” you greeted in your fake, cheery voice. Porco couldn’t believe after spending two years with you, Zeke couldn’t realize that when your voice got too high-pitched, it meant you were faking every word. “Yeah, I know it’s late. Sorry. Sorry. Yes, I just— I know. I know it’s too late to call.”

Porco could feel his blood boiling at every apology that came out of your mouth even after witnessing Yelena leaving his house not even five minutes ago.

“I just wanted to ask how you were doing? Were the movies fun?” you made a pause, your smile tight on your face. “Ah, I see. Wasn’t it boring to watch all by yourself?” you pressed and not even you could maintain your smile after hearing his response. “Mhm, I do know you prefer to watch movies alone. Anyway, it is quite late. Talk to you later, I love—”

You looked at the screen on your phone and noticed the call had already ended.

“Well, there’s that,” you mused to yourself before putting your phone back on your jeans.

Silently, Porco started his car again, driving away from the suburbs and heading to your place as he had intended in the first place. The comforting silence was now poisonous, his eyes flicking from the road every minute to check on you, who was looking outside the window with your eyes lost. your mind probably too full of thoughts that he couldn’t begin to understand.

It didn’t mean he didn’t want to, though.

He kept driving in silence until he reached your apartment, parking in his usual spot. He left the engine running, even if you knew he always waited until you entered the building to drive away. He unlocked the doors and let out a long sigh.

“Drink some water before getting to bed,” Porco reminded you, both his hands on the wheel.

You didn’t move a muscle, eyes lost on his glove compartment, the events of the night running around your head. Yelena’s Instagram photo. Zeke’s text telling you he was alone. Him kissing her goodnight at 2 am.

“Hey,” he called, startling you. “Are you okay?”

You opened your mouth but then closed it, not knowing where to start. You pursed your lips and tugged at your fingers in discomfort.

“Talk to me,” Porco insisted.

“Can you stay tonight?” you asked in a small voice. “Annie is out and I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts tonight.”

Before you could finish your sentence, Porco was already killing the engine.

It was a silent walk to your apartment. You checked yourself in the elevator's mirror, realizing how awful you truly looked. Your eyeliner was smudged along with your mascara and the bags under your eyes were more noticeable than ever. As you inspected your face, Porco grabbed your cheek between his thumb and index, playfully pulling it from side to side until you were laughing, asking him to stop.

When you entered your apartment, you immediately walked to the bathroom, in deep necessity of a shower. Porco knew your apartment like the back of his hand, so after a quick detour to the kitchen, he made his way to your bedroom. He saw your laptop on your bed, messy sheets and clothes on the floor, probably how you had left it after seeing Yelena’s post on Instagram and decided to go to your favourite bar and forget about it for a while.

Porco took off his shoes and started picking up your clothes and put them on your spare chair, your laptop now on your desk. While he made your bed, he listened to you using your hairdryer in the bathroom and figured you would be out soon. He took out his phone from his pocket and looked at this schedule. It was already four in the morning and he had classes at nine. It was okay, he told himself. He had a hoodie in his car he could change into the next morning, and no one would say anything about him arriving in sweatpants. Well, no one that cared enough about their reputation to try and make fun of one of the golden boys of the university, at least.

You stepped off your bathroom already wearing your pyjamas, a tank top and small cotton shorts. Being friends with Porco for so long, it wasn’t the first time he had seen you in your pyjamas but it was truly the first time he saw you so small while wearing them. Maybe it was because of everything that happened that night, your tired eyes or the way you were standing, but Porco had to fight off the urge to put his arms around your body and protect you. From what? He wasn’t quite sure.

He handed you a bottle of water he had grabbed from the kitchen and you drank it all in one try.

“The only true secret to avoid being hungover tomorrow,” he reminded you.

“I know,” you smiled, leaving the empty bottle on your desk. “C’mon, let's get to bed.”

Porco had slept with you before, sure. You had travelled to the beach together with some friends and your sleeping bags were always put next to each other, which only prompted you to talk all night, telling each other embarrassing stories from your younger years. You had also fallen asleep in Porco’s dorm before, after a party that left you too tired to go back to your place. He would always let you crash on his bed and you slept soundly, knowing you were safe if he was around.

Zeke had never liked that. But Porco couldn’t care less.

He got into bed first, scooting to the wall and making space for you. You laid next to Porco, facing him and sighed happily when your head finally hit your pillow

“Thanks for making the bed, Pock,” you smiled.

“Why are you still with him?”

You averted his gaze, your smile dropping in an instant. “I love him,” you muttered.

“Do you? Do you really love someone who is lying to you like this?” he insisted. You felt a knot forming on your throat. “You understand he was fucking Yelena, right?”

You nodded softly, hugging the pillow under your head.

“Then why waste your time with an asshole like him? What are you waiting for, what do you want him to do so you finally leave him? What’s your tipping point, huh?”

Porco’s voice was gentle yet firm as he tried to get to you. He watched you as you laid still, not willing to answer any of his questions. He wondered if maybe you didn’t want to know the answer either.

“You’re smart. You’re— fuck, you’re one of the smartest people I know. Why are you letting him treat you like garbage? Why are you allowing him to hurt you like this?”

Once again, he was met with silence.

“You’re are fun, beautiful and yet you’re drunk at 4 am on a fucking Wednesday because your boyfriend is cheating on you and not only that— he’s fucking her and letting everyone know. Why are you doing this to yourself?” he inquired, his voice getting a little desperate. “You should be with someone who treats you right, who— fuck, someone who knows how much you’re worth. Someone who would never hurt you like this.”

You couldn’t suppress a cold laugh.

“Yeah, like who?” you scoffed, nuzzling your face on your pillow.

“Like me.”

You snapped your head to Porco, eyes open wide and lips parted, trying to form words.

“W-what?”

You looked at Porco, his eyes looking intensely at you. He opened his mouth and closed it almost immediately, shaking his head.

“No,” he said, almost to himself, shifting on the bed and propping up on his elbow, his body still facing yours. “I said what I said. I… I love you. Have loved you for quite some time now,” he admitted. You watched heat rising to his cheeks, tinting them deep red.

“I— I love you too,” you said softly. “You know that. I always tell you how grateful I am to have you in my life and that I—”

“You know I don’t mean it like that. I don’t love you as a friend,” Porco muttered, rolling his eyes.

You stayed in silence, your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as your eyes scanned the bed sheets between both your bodies. Even if Porco was being crystal clear with his words regarding his feelings towards you, somehow it didn’t make sense in your head.

“Why?” you whispered.

“What do you mean ‘why’?”

“Why do you… well—”

“Why do I love you?” Porco asked, raising an eyebrow. He watched you nod softly. “Well, ‘cause it’s you. Ever since we met, I just couldn’t stop thinking about you, your weird sense of humour and your irrational fear of panda bears,” he said, making both of you laugh, helping in releasing the tension both of you were carrying since his confession. “C’mon, you honestly thought I was so full of myself I didn’t think anyone was worthy of dating me? Fuck, I—,” he let out an honest chuckle, passing a hand through his hair. “I was just in love with you. And trust me, it’s not fun going out on a date with someone when all you can think is ‘Oh, she’d love this place’ or ‘I would be having much more fun if she was here instead’.”

“You really did that?” you asked in a small voice.

Porco smirked, cocking his head towards you. You knew his confession was playing a big part but you couldn’t stop noticing how handsome he truly was. Sure, you had always known he was good-looking, you knew this when you teased him for not going out with other people, but you never realized how truly beautiful he was.

Looking at him lying on your bed, the moonlight coming from your open window and hitting his face, it was as if you were looking at him for the first time, noticing the smallest details you had been ignoring for so long. Like how his eyes weren’t hazel but golden and that he had a few freckles on his cheekbones, decorating his slightly tanned skin. His lips also looked soft, even for someone who had woken up in the middle of the night to pick up their drunk friend. The white t-shirt he was wearing exposed his toned arms, making you feel the need to bury your face on his chest so he could put them around you.

You hadn’t realized you were moving forward until you felt Porco’s hand on your shoulder, preventing you from getting closer. You should have known you wouldn’t have been able to notice his freckles from afar. Porco’s eyes went from your lips back to your eyes and you sensed how bad he was rethinking his choices as he gently pushed you back on the bed.

“Listen, I—” he started, his blush only getting more noticeable, now making the tip of his nose turn red as well. “I’m not going to be your rebound, neither someone who you fuck out of spite or to get back at your boyfriend. Fuck, I don’t even know why I told you this,” he sighed, putting down his propped arm and laying his cheek on the pillow next to you. “Just… do better. For yourself. You deserve much more than that monkey man who hasn’t realized he’s a four dating a ten.”

You giggled at his remark and he smirked, proud of himself. Porco and you looked at each other’s eyes, a soft smile lingering on your lips. Tentatively, you reached for his hair, his golden locks feeling soft under your touch. Porco stayed still as you played with his hair, even closing his eyes as you did so.

After a few moments, your hand travelled to his cheek, making him open his eyes again. Your thumb gently stroked his skin, soft and tender under your touch. Porco’s eyes were fixed on your face as you caressed him silently. Your other fingers started running over his skin with a feather-like touch, entrapped in the sweet moment between the two of you.

Porco turned his head just enough for his mouth to meet your palm. He pressed a kiss on it, his eyes never leaving yours. You felt your heart skipping a beat and a smile creeping on your face.

“Can I hug you?” you asked in a whisper.

Porco nodded, opening his arms for you. You scooted closer to him, sliding your right arm around his waist, bending your other arm and flushing your head against his chest. Your legs tangled together, not taking too long before finding a comfortable position.

Once you were settled, Porco’s left arm draped around your body, pulling you closer to him gently. He pushed his right arm under your pillow, loving how easy it felt to be like this with you. It was as if you were always meant to sleep like this, with your face against his chest and your hand on his back. He looked down at you and pushed some of your hair away from your face

“Are you comfortable?”

“Mhm,” you hummed, taking a deep breath and sighing contently against his chest. Porco’s cologne filled your senses and you couldn’t help but smile at the homely feeling.

He pressed his lips against your forehead. “Goodnight,” he whispered, closing his eyes. You imitated him and quickly fell into a deep sleep.

...

When Porco opened his eyes the next morning, he felt as if only a couple of seconds had passed since he had closed his eyes. He sighed. Well, it wasn’t the first time that he had sleeping problems but a part of him innocently hoped it would change after he got to sleep by your side. He looked at your sleeping face. It was way too innocent from him to think just because he got to rest by your side he would have had a good sleep.

He looked down at your sleeping face and couldn’t help but smile a little. He recalled the moment you leaned into him, searching for a kiss before he had to push you away. Porco exhaled, his eyes travelling to your lips. There wasn’t anything he wanted more than to kiss the girl of his dreams— hell, he had dreamt about that for almost a year now.

But not like that. Never like that.

Porco took his phone on your bedside table and checked the time. Seven in the morning. He yawned, burying his face in the pillow. He hated his inability to go back to sleep after he had already woken up. His first class was in three hours and while you didn’t have any classes in the morning, he knew you would probably wake up regretting having drunk so much the night before.

Carefully, he pulled away from you and headed to the kitchen. You had mentioned Annie was going to be out and he figured either she hadn’t come home yet or she was asleep as well. Just in case, he tried to be extra silent while preparing coffee. He thanked Annie was the closest thing to a coffee connoisseur he knew, because he couldn’t help but let out a happy hum when the smell of coffee filled the kitchen.

As he watched the coffee drip on your mug, he leaned on the counter, his mind going back to the night he’d spent on your bed. How your fingers traced his hair, how your hand felt against his cheek and the way you looked at him when he kissed your palm. Even if he had stopped you from kissing him, somehow the tender moment you shared had felt even more intimate. Like it was always supposed to be like that: just you and him.

It wasn’t until several minutes later that Porco realized he had been smiling the whole time. He had told you he loved you. You hadn’t pushed him away after knowing how he really felt about you— not only that, you had shown him tenderness by cuddling with him the whole night. Even if Porco was aware things were far more complicated than that moment, he also knew it was a step in the right direction. He could almost see you sitting on the counter in front of him, morning light hitting your face and your legs swinging while you looked at him with a soft smile.

A shuffling noise made Porco snap out of his daydreaming. He peeked from the kitchen door, thinking Annie was back home but instead he found you stepping out of the room, wearing shorts and a big hoodie while you checked your phone.

“Thought you didn’t have class until later today,” Porco said, walking into the living room and startling you.

“Hey Pock— and no, I— Zeke called. He said he wants to talk, that he needs me, so I… I called an Uber, I’m going to his place now.”

“Are you serious right now?”

You looked into his eyes and immediately back to the floor, his glare too full of the truth for you to endure.

“The Uber is waiting,” you said in a small voice. “Thanks for… driving me home and staying. I have to go.”

In silence, Porco watched you walk past him to your apartment door and carefully close it behind you. A part of him wanted to think it was nothing but a joke from your part, that you would open the door any second now.

The song of the coffee machine turning off let him know he should have known better than to hope.

#snk x reader #aot x reader #porco x reader #porco galliard x reader #porco galliard #porco angst #porco fluff #porco galliard angst #porco galliard fluff #aot porco #snk porco #porco #porco galliard x you #porco x you

487 notes · View notes

dubersbutt · 3 years

Text

Take a Bow (4) - Connor McDavid and Leon Draisaitl

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3,

Warnings: Babies, anxiety/feelings of heightened anxiety, smut

It’s not that Connor hates kids. They just make him uncomfortable.

Like when his aunt had a baby when he was 13 his mom asked if Connor wanted to hold him. Connor was fine when his mom gently placed the baby in his arms. Up until his mom told her to be super careful with his head or else he could snap his neck and kill him. Or if Connor accidently pressed his soft spot it could severely detriment his brain development. It was too much responsibility.

At least that’s what he used to think.

He fell in love with Emilia the minute you walked through the front door with her in the baby carrier. The dogs were excited by the tiny squirming arms inside the carrier, he had to hold Lenny back so he didn’t crush her.

“This is going to sound super cliche,” Connor says as he coos into the carrier where Emilia is trying to open her tiny eyes, “but she is the cutest baby I’ve ever seen.”

“She’s a lot cuter now that her head is a normal shape,” you joke, munching on a cookie Connor had set out for you.

“Can you stop making fun of our daughter’s cone head?” Leon rolls his eyes.

“You didn’t see it, it was terrifying.”

(Connor googles a picture of it later. Babies are fucking weird.)

He helps you up the stairs to the waiting cup of tea on the mug warmer in your bedroom. He lets you get settled, handing you the TV remote and giving you a kiss on the forehead before going back downstairs to meet his daughter (step-daughter? Connor didn’t really know).

“Can I hold her?” Connor asks when he finds Leon and Emilia in the living room.

“What happened to the three month rule?” He raises an amused eyebrow.

Connor had created it after the incident. He didn’t hold a baby that was younger than 3 months.

“I’m feeling brave.”

Leon scooches over so Connor has room to sit comfortably. Leon gently places Emilia in his arms, and gives Connor a pillow to prop his arm on. Emilia’s blinks at him before squirming and stretching her little arms over her head. Connor feels all warm and fuzzy in his chest.

“Hello, Emilia,” he says, with a smile on his face, “I’m your other dad.”

~~~

Connor’s not inherently a jealous person.

Or at least he thought he was. But ever since Emilia came home he’s been feeling it. He loves Emilia, don’t get him wrong. Well, actually, he should backpedal for a second.

Connor is still annoyed at Leon.

He knows he should probably bring this up (because look what happened last time) but he hasn’t because Leon was trying to make things right with you. He obviously was trying with Connor as well, but he couldn’t help but feel like he was an afterthought. Some days were better than others, but everytime Connor thought about how he woke up and couldn’t find Leon in the penthouse he felt like puking.

Emilia eases the pain. He truly does love her like his own. The only time he uses the “she’s your kid” card is when it's 2 am and he’s too tired to get up. But he rarely even does that because Connor’s always been the heaviest sleeper out of the three of you. But other than that, he volunteers for bathtime, plays with her while you’re in the shower, he doesn’t even hate changing diapers that much.The puppies love her too, they’ve transitioned from napping on the dog beds in the living room to the spot on the couch closest to the bassinet to keep an eye on them. He regularly has to stop Lenny from trying to jump in and crush Emilia.

Back to Leon (Connor tends to get side tracked when talking about Emilia). Connor’s still annoyed and he’s been working up to talking about it. But it never seems like a good time. First you were pregnant, and Connor didn’t want to upset either of you. Then it was playoffs and Connor didn’t have any time to think about anything else. Then they got swept and Connor did nothing but eat ice cream for a week like he just had his first heartbreak. And after that…well, he just hates confrontation.

He keeps telling himself that he’ll get around to it, that he just wants to gather his thoughts but he knows he’s stalling at this point. Mostly because -

“So did you do what we talked about last session?” Sophie, his therapist, asks him at the beginning of his appointment.

-his therapist calls him on his bulshit. And he realizes that’s the whole reason he pays her, but it’s still rude.

“About that…” Connor trails off.

She gives him an amused smile, “Connor, you know I don’t like telling you what to do but I strongly suggest you talk to Leon.”

“Sophie, my girlfriend gave birth, we started playoffs and got swept all in the last two weeks,” he says with an exasperated sigh, “I deserve a little time for myself. Isn’t that what you told me last week?”

“I was getting to that,” she says.

Connor almost didn’t show up to his first session. He spent the whole ride over that he his therapist would be a quiet homophobe and who’d sell his story to the presses and ruin his life.

But then he went in and saw the framed photo of Sophie and her wife and their twins. He let out a sigh of relief and felt more comfortable telling her about his life. She didn’t even really watch hockey and she told him that he thought he was a “good player” for his age. Connor always has to stop himself from laughing whenever she tries to compliment his playing style. She’s adorable.

“And what about (Y?N)? Have you thought about what you were going to say to her?”

He knows. He just doesn’t know if you’ll want the same thing.

“I have, a little bit.”

“And would you like to share what you’ve been thinking about?”

“I-uh,” he swallows, “I want another baby?”

“Is that a question?”

“I don’t think so.”

Sophie sends him home with the same homework he had last week: try to slowly figure out what he wants to say when he’s eventually ready to have a talk.

When he comes home, Leon’s standing in the kitchen by Emillia’s bottle warmer. He looks stupid hot holding a baby and Connor’s only mildly annotated about it.

“Hey,” he flashes Connor a bright smile when he notices Connor’s presence, “Can you hold her while I make her a bottle?”

“Sure,” He takes Emilia from Leon before sliding the dimmer down on the light switch. Her eyes slowly open in the dim light and her gumless smile warms Connor’s heart.

“Hello sweet girl,” he coos, watching as she somehow wiggles an arm loose from her blanket, “I love you. I hope you had a good morning.”

He doesn’t expect her to answer, obviously, but she does start to open and close her mouth, indicating she's hungry.

“Leo, you’re too slow,” he taunts playfully, watching as Leon carefully measures out the formula, “she’s starving over here.”

“I can only move so fast,” he laughs.

When Leon finally gets Emilia her bottle Connor relaxes into the dining room chair as she eats her lunch.

“How was therapy?”

Connor told you and Leon that he started going when he came home from his session. Connor didn’t divulge everything that happened in his sessions but it felt nice to have someone ask.

“It was good,” he says, leaning over and resting his head on Leon’s shoulder, “I only cried a little this time.”

Leon chuckles, “Does that mean therapy’s working?”

“Probably.”

~~~

Connor can’t help but laugh when he rewatches the interview of Leon talking about Emilia. He manages to somehow be adorable and sarcastic at the same time. You’re settled against his chest with your ipad resting on your lap and he can feel your giggles as Leon gives his short, glib answers to the journalists' annoying questions.

(Congratulations, she’s very cute.

“I know. She is my daughter after all.”

Your girlfriend’s not going to get mad about that comment?

“She’s gonna get mad if you keep asking questions about her newborn.”)

“I can’t believe you haven’t seen this yet,” Connor says as he runs his fingers through your hair.”

“Neither can I,” you giggle as Leon looks into the camera like he’s on the Office.

Leon rolls his eyes as he emerges from the bathroom, now freshly shaven.

“It’s not that funny,” he says.

“Don’t sell yourself short, Leo,” Connor says, gently hooking his fingers in Leon’s chain to pull him down for a kiss, “You’re very funny.”

“Why did you shave?” you say as Leon turns to give you a kiss, “Your beard looked so good.”

“It was also getting super scratchy,” Connor says.

Leon gets under the covers on Connor’s otherside, “Yeah Emilia’s been distracting me from the beard routine.”

You scoff, “the scratch is the best part, Con.”

“Tell that to the scratch marks on my ass,” Connor says without thinking, and then immediately blushes.

You groan, “Don’t talk about anything remotely sexy when my poor vagina is still healing from pushing out a whole watermelon.”

Leon laughs, “Don’t worry, baby, the beard will be back by the time you get your 6 week all clear.”

~~~

(5 weeks later - after your 6 week all appointment)

“Guess what bitches,” you shout as you enter the kitchen, “I can finally have sex again.”

“Mhm,” Leon hums, feigning disinterest, “And what would you like me to do about that?”

“You’re mean and not funny,” you say lightly hip-checking him, “Besides I have two boyfriends for a reason.”

“Yeah about that,” Connor stretches and yawns, “Emilia kept me up last night so I was gonna take a nap.”

You blink, “I will go to Whyte Av and find some rando to screw in a coat closet, don’t fucking test me.”

Leon grabs your hips and pulls you against his body so your back is flush against his chest before walking forward and pressing your hips into the kitchen counter.

“As if I could pass up the opportunity to fuck this sweet little pussy,” he grinds his hips, pushing your hips further into the counter.

“What have you been cleared for?”

“L-light, non-strenous sex.”

Connor laughs, “Boring, but better than nothing.”

“Davo, take her upstairs,” Leon commands so Connor scoops you up and carries you bridal style to the bedroom.

“Wait wait,” you say when they reach the top, “Where’s Emilia.”

“She’s napping in her crib,” Connor says as he drops you onto the bed, “Leo’s gonna check on her before he comes. So you can turn your brain off for a little bit.”

Connor doesn’t wait to hear your answer, just presses his lips to yours. He fels you moan against him. Connor’s hands slide under your shirt, slowly exposing skin. When he gets it over your head he trails his kisses down your body, unhooking your bra as he does. His kisses move in between your breasts to your belly.

“Beautiful,” he murmurs as he kisses your belly button, “you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.”

He hooks his fingers on your shorts, pulling them down your legs. He settles himself on the bed as he spreads your legs to press kisses to your inner thigh.

“Perfect,” Connor says, lightly nipping at the sensitive skin.

The tiny hitch of your breath causes all of his blood to rush straight to his dick, but he can’t bring himself to care. He takes his time, warming you up with kisses to your inner thighs, gently scraping his teeth against the skin. He kisses your pussy before running his tongue through your folds. His tongue gently caresses your clit with his tongue. Your hand comes down in his hair when he sucks your clit into his mouth. Your hips start to move against his face, grinding down to give yourself more friction.

“So impatient,” he hums, fucking one finger in you.

“It’s been six whole weeks,” you say, “I haven’t gone six weeks without sex since I was a virgin.”

Connor chuckles, “Easy baby, we’ll get there.”

~~~

Connor can’t help himself when he sees you changing Emilia’s onesie in her nursery. He walks up behind you, wraps his arms around your waist and rests his head on your shoulder.

“Good morning,” he says, planting a kiss on your cheek, “And good morning to the world’s most adorable baby.”

Emilia gurgles but doesn’t retort. Smh, someone needs to teach her how to be humble.

“Morning,” you reply, buttoning up her fresh onesie, “How’d you sleep?”

“Good,” he responds with another kiss, “Except when you kicked me in my ribs.”

“I take offense to that,” you raise an eyebrow, “I am an angel in bed. And, yes, pun intended.”

Connor snorts, “We both know that's a lie.”

Both Connor and Leon have been victims of your aggressive sleeping style. One of these days he’s gonna tie all your limbs down, and not in a sexy way. But not in a murderous way either, let’s make that clear. In a Connor-wants-one-singular-night-to-not-get-punched-in-his-sleep way.

Oh god, his brain is rambling. Oh god, he does not want to do this.

“(Y/N),” he says before he can talk himself out of it, “I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something.”

“About what?” you ask, holding Emilia close as you sit down in the rocking chair.

“I…” Connor has never been this sweaty in his life, “I want another baby.”

“Oh,” you say, indifferent, “Congratulations.”

His brow furrows, “what?”

“On growing a uterus,” you arch an eyebrow, “Because I sure as hell am not using mine again for like 3 years.”

Connor laughs, “I wasn’t saying right away. But, I just want to know if it’s something on the table.”

“I want another baby,” you say, “And as long as you’re willing to wait, I don’t see why it would be an issue.”

~~~

And Connor definitely feels lighter after his talk with you. And he even impresses Sophie by actually doing his homework for once:

“So did you talk to Leon yet?” She asks after he’s finished giving his rundown of his week.

“No,” he says sheepishly, “But I did talk to (Y/N) about having another baby.”

She has the professionalism to not look shocked, but Connor is getting a little better at reading her. Or at least he thinks he is. He still gets anxious whenever she writes things on her notepad, “and how did that go?”

“Honestly, it was better than I expected.”

“How so?”

He shrugs, “I guess I was just expecting the worst?”

“And why is that?”

He shrugs again, “Isn’t that something that you’re supposed to figure out when you psychoanalyze me at the beginning of every session?”

Sophie throws her head back in laughter, “You do know I can’t read your mind right.”

It sure feels like she can sometimes. Which is why he pays her but still, it’s rude. ~~~

Connor thought he was sweaty and anxious before talking to you. However, when it comes time to talk to Leon he also feels nauseous. Like, he might throw up in the kitchen sink again nauseously. But he’s been sitting on this for a few months now - but what if Leon hates him. What if he doesn't want to be with Connor anymore. What if he asks for a trade?

No, Connor’s spiraling. Leon’s a rational person; he's not gonna hate Connor for talking about his feelings, something Leon encourages because Connor tends to bottle things up until he explodes.

But what if-

No. No spiraling, yet.

“Leo,” Leon hums against Connors chest from his spot on the couch next to him, “You still awake?”

“Yeah,” he says quietly, “But I was thinking about going upstairs soon.”

Connor shuts the TV off, “Um, actually before that can we...talk?”

Leon sits up and stretches, “What about?”

Connor takes a deep breath, “I think - I think I’m mad at you?”

Leon looks a little confused, and Connor can’t say he blames him, “You think you’re mad at me?”

“I-yeah,” he takes another breath, “I know you’ve been trying really hard to reconcile with (Y/N), and that’s great, and I’m definitely not trying to say I take priority over her, but it kind of feels like you’ve put me on the backburner a bit.”

Leon nods, “How so?”

Connor shrugs, “I mean, when you came back and you apologized it was definitely pointed towards her. And it’s the little things, like you always make what (Y/N) wants for dinner and not me. It feels a little bit like there’s a hierarchy here.”

“Do you...feel this way with (Y/N) too?”

“A little bit,” he says, “But mostly with things concerning Emilia, so it’s not as big of an issue.”

Connor realized he feels a bit…scorned, for lack of a better word. Connor was with you first, and that’s not something he feels jealous about but now it’s all coming up. Connor never left you, Connor was the one who held back your hair and wiped your tears when Leon was MIA. Connor was there, Leon left.

...maybe he did need to talk to you some more.

~~~

Connor and Leon spend a long time talking on the couch before they join you in bed. Eventually, Leon puts his head in Connor’s lap as the conversation turns mundane and they just enjoy each other’s presence. It’s been a while since they’ve done that. They end the night with a little make out session that doesn’t lead anywhere more. It was nice.

The next morning Connor’s on baby duty. Not that he minds, it’s always nice to start his day with a smile from Emilia. He changes her diaper and puts a fresh sleeper on her, listening to the little baby noises she makes. When he’s finished he takes her downstairs to the kitchen where you and Leon are making breakfast.

“Good morning, babe,” Leon says when Connor turns the corner, “Do you want strawberries or blueberries on your french toast?”

Leon was making his favourite breakfast. Connor can’t stop the smile from spreading on his face.

“And how’s my favourite girl?” he asks, giving Emilia a little kiss on her forehead.

“A pooping machine,” Connor responds to her, and Emilia laughs at him.

“Did she just-?” you get from your spot on the barstool and run to Connor’s side.

“Her first laugh?” Connor says, “Yeah.”

He tickles her belly in an effort to get her to keep laughing, but she chooses that moment to be a stubborn newborn and frowns instead.

He looks at Leon, “She is absolutely your baby.”

“I smiled when I was a baby!”

“No, Leo he’s got a point,” you say in between funny faces, “your mom said she has one baby photo of you smiling because you would refuse to smile for the camera.”

“I was shy.”

“You’re a robot,” Connor says.

“Like you’re one to talk,” you scoff.

~~~

“Connor please,” you pant, “I don’t know what I did to deserve this.”

Connor holds back a laugh, watching the sweat drip down your face, “I thought this is what you wanted?”

“Leo!,” you yell, catching his attention from across the room, “Tell Connor he’s being an ass.”

Leon does not hold back his laugh, “He’s got a point.”

“I can’t believe I’m getting bullied right now.”

Connor wraps his arms around you and pulls you close into his body, “It’s just some squats, baby, it’s not the end of the world.”

“It is when you keep adding weight!”

“Because you’re stronger.”

You just stare at him and, honestly, Connor feels a little scared.

“Tell you what,” he leans down so he can whisper in your ear, “If you make it through your sets, without complaining, Leo and I will take turns eating you out tears run down your pretty little face.”

“Promise?” you hold out your pinky.

Emilia’s being babysat by her grandparents so Connor feels no qualms when he links his pinky with yours, “Promise.”

“Promise what?” Leon pipes up from his place on the leg press.

“Connor offered up your body in exchange for squats,” you say, shouldering the bar once more.

“And what did Connor say I would do?”

“You’ll find out,” Connor says, waving a hand at Leon nonchalantly.

“I don’t even get to know how I’m being used as a bargaining chip?”

“Nope,” Connor says with a smile, popping the ‘p’.

~~~

Leon learns what the exact terms and conditions are of the agreement about an hour later. And, just like Connor expected, he does not complain.

He even has the audacity to wink at Connor as he’s tongue-deep in pussy. Ugh, he forgot what the butterflies in his stomach felt like when he’s not constantly annoyed with Leon. He can’t help himself, he gets up from where he was giving his jaw a break, and slides his fingers over Leon’s hole. Leon tenses up ever so slightly, he breaks the momentum he had on you, evident by how hard your ankles are digging into Leon’s shoulders.

“Don’t stop,” Connor grunts, slipping one digit past the rim, “You don’t cum until she does.”

He slides his finger all the way before uncapping the lube and lathering his fingers up and adding a second. Connor knows when he hits Leon’s prostate when He lets out a low groan into your cunt.

“Fuuuuuuck,” you whine, writhing against the sheets.

Leon pushes back on Connor’s fingers at the same time your hips start to grind down feverishly on Leon’s face.

“Make her cum, Leo,” Connor says, removing his fingers from Leon’s ass and teasing his hole once more.

Leon’s focus changes completely. His fingers dig into your hipbones, pulling you closer to him so he has a better angle. Your chest is rising and falling quickly, heaving off the bed when Leon finally sucks your clit. You cum with a shout, tumbling over the edge, pussy clenching around Leon’s tongue.

Connor wastes no time, grabbing Leon’s hips to steady him before spreading Leon's cheeks and swiping his tongue in long, broad strokes. Connor’s not the biggest fan of rimming, but Leon loves it. Leon groans as Connor teases him, starts to rut against the bed when Connor’s tongue dips into his hole, loses it when Connor starts to fuck him open with his tongue. He reaches over to jack Leon off, pumping him as he continues to take him apart. Leon goes limp beneath him, reduced to nothing but moans. Connor speeds up his ministries, revealing in the way Connor’s name falls weakly from Leon’s mouth. Leon bucks hard against the bed, cums with a shudder. Connor takes his hand off Leon's cock, and places it on his own but doesn’t quite relent on his tongue, working Leon through the aftershocks' pleasure. It doesn’t take very long for Connor to cum, finally letting up on Leon and effectively ruining his boxers.

“Aw Leo,” Connor says once he can catch his breath, “We have to watch the duvet cover now.”

~~~

“Where is my baby?” Connor teases playfully when you walk through the door, baby carrier in hand.

“Calm your tits,” you say, placing the carrier on the kitchen counter and allowing Connor to take her out, “She’s home, and just woke up from a nap.”

“I wish I took a nap today,” Connor says as he rocks Emilia in his arms. She gives Connor a toothless smile and Connor just wants to smoosh her.

“Has anyone ever told you, you look really good holding a baby?” Leon says, giving Connor a quick peck on the cheek.

“Good enough to have another baby?” Connor asks.

You roll your eyes, “Two years, Con.”

“I’m just teasing.”

And, yeah, Connor finally starts to feel like he’s home again.

#poly fic #connor mcdavid #leon draisaitl #ran writes #connor mcdavid imagine #leon draisaitl imagine #nhl smut #nhl oneshot #connor mcdavid smut #leon draisaitl smut

148 notes · View notes

todaysdocument · 3 years

Photo

Letter from Lutiant Van Wert to her friend Louise about her work as a nurse during the Influenza epidemic, and about the rest of her life (pp. 1, 4, 6, 7), 10/17/1918

“So everybody has the "Flu" at Haskell?”

File Unit: Contagious Epidemics, 1904 - 1941

Series: Subject Correspondence Files, 1904 - 1941

Record Group 75: Records of the Bureau of Indian Affairs, 1793 - 1999

Transcription:

(Copy)

231-14th St. South East.

October 17, 1918.

Dear friend Louise:

So everybody has the "Flu" at Haskell? I wish to goodness Miss Keck and Mrs. McK. would get it and die with it. Really, it would be such a good riddance, and not much lost either! As many as 90 people die everyday here with the "Flu". Soldiers too, are dying by the dozens. So far, Felicity, C. Zane, and I are the only ones of the Indian girls who have not had it. We certainly consider ourselves lucky too, believe me. Katherine [first e was struck through] and I just returned last Sunday evening from Camp Humphreys "Somewher in Virginia" where we volunteered to help nurse soldiers sick with the Influenza. We were there at the Camp ten days among some of the very worse cases and yet we did not contract it. We had intended staying much longer that we did, but the work was entirely too hard for us, and anyway the soldiers were all getting better, so we came home to rest up a bit. We were day nurses and stationed in the Officer's barracks for six days and then transferred to the Private's barracks or hospital and were there four days before we came back. All nurses were required to work twelve hours a day--we worked from seven in the morning until seven at night, with only a short time for luncheon and dinner.

[page 2]

-4-

I was so tired I never took special notice, but I thought I had my own bag. When I opened it to get out my comb and powder--behold! There was a kit-bag fully equiped and a knitted sweater in it, plus a few other trinkets'. I knew then, whose aag I had, so checked my suit case and started out to look for this soldier and exchange bags, as I thought he had mine. After walking around 45 minutes I began to despair of ever finding him and started back to the Ladies room and I came upon him sitting in one corner. I recognized my bag right away and went to exchange. He was simply so tickled to get his bag back he almost squeezed the life out of my hand when he shook it. I had my card and destination tacked on the handle fo my bag, so he found out where I was going without telling him--and as fate would have it--he was going to D. C. too, so we traveled the rest of the way together. He is a perfect gentlemen, and sure treated me nice on the way. Since I am located here, he has been down to our house twice to see me since I came back from Camp Humphreys, and he sure wants me to come down to Potomac Park as a nurse. He is not what one would call "handsome" but he is certainly [underlined] good-looking [/underlined], and on top of all that--he is a CATHOLIC. Sure like it for myself too. All the girls have soldiers--Indian girls also. Some of the girls have soldiers and sailors too. The boys are particularly crazy about the Indian girls. They tell us that the Indian girls are not so "easy" as the white girls, so I guess maybe that's their reason.

[page 3]

-6-

A lot of the girls from the Office here go out to sell bonds but some of them dont make much of a success. One of the Indian girls, named Cathryne Welch, went out last week to sell bonds and she sold so many that she got escused from the Office for the rest of this week to do nothing but sell bonds. She is a very pretty girl--a high school graduate and one year normal. She has two brothers in the army--one is a Captain and the other a Sargeant. Maybe you remember seeing Capt. Gus Welch's picture in the K. C. Star--well that is her brother and he "over there" now.

All the schools, churches, theaters, dancing halls, etc. are closed here also. There is a bill in the Senate today authorizing all the war-workers to be released from work for the duration of this epidemic. It has not passed the house yet, but I can't help but hope it does. If it does, Lutiant can find plenty of things at home to busy herself with, or she might accidentally take a trip to Potomac Park. Ha! Ha!

It is perfectly alright about the sweater. I dont expect you to be able to get it while you are quartined, but will still be glad to have it if you can send it as soon as you are out of quartined. It is rather cold in Washington, but not cold enough to wear winter coats yet, and my suit coat is a little too thin, so I figured out that a sweater would be the thing to have. Sometimes it is cold enough to wear a wrap while working, but of course it is out of questio[n]

[page 4]

-7-

to work in a heavy winter coat. However, send it whenever you find it convenient to do so, and I will settle with you as promptly as possible.

Well Louise, if you are not dead tired of reading this letter, I'll write another like it some other time. There is still a lot I could tell you about D. C., but it's nearing lunch time and I want to be right ther on the dot, as I always am--to be sure.

Write again whenever you fine it convenient to do so--always glad to hear the Haskell news from you.

Sincerely your friend,

(Signed) Lutiant.

Address same as before.

#archivesgov #October 17 #1918 #1910s #Influenza #Spanish Flu #epidemic #nurse #Haskell Institute #Haskell Indian Nations University #meet-cute #quarantine #Native American history #American Indian history #Indigenous American history

58 notes · View notes

duckugou · 3 years

Text

pretty girl

Bokuto x fem reader

cw: big fat fluff, very cute i love it here

animal shelter moment!

i love this big lug of a man

come to my asks to be a part of my taglist! just let me know what kinds of fics/ what fandom/ what characters/ etc you want to be tagged in! Requests are open!!

------------------------------------------------------

You had been working at the pet shelter for a few months now, and you positively loved it. The animals were all so precious and you just wanted to help all of them- so you did. Every day. You accepted overtime frequently, and covered plenty of shifts. It was worth it.

You also helped set up volunteering schedules and go through people wanting the volunteer- the owner of the shelter saw how dedicated you were and how much you truly cared for the animals, so naturally you were in charge of deciding who would be best to take care of them when you couldn't.

There was one guy who came in all the time to volunteer. His name was Bokuto and he came in frequently. At first, you weren't sure about him. He was pretty clumsy. But he quickly got used to everything in the shelter and became an asset to you and the animals. He understood how to read animals emotions, which can be hard. You became thankful for him more and more each day, as on Saturday mornings, which were your earliest shifts at 7 am, he would make it a mission to volunteer and bring you coffee. 7:05 on the dot every Saturday. Once he found out how you take your coffee after coming on early one day, he made a note in his phone so he wouldn't forget.

There was one dog you had grown attached to, Honey, and you would adopt her if you could, but your apartment complex wouldn't allow pets. You heart ached for the 3 year old girl every day people came in and adopted other pets, but not her. She was "too timid" as some people stated, standing at her cage as she cowered to the bed in the back. But she was different with you and Bokuto. She would trot to the door of the cage when either of you would walk in, wagging her tail rather than sticking it between her legs. The love was always reciprocated ten fold.

One Saturday morning, you walked up to the shelter door, unlocked it, flipped the sign to "Open", and went towards the desk. You signed in, sorted through mail, and soon enough, Bokuto walked in, a coffee in his hand.

"Iced peppermint mocha for the lady of the hour!" Bokuto exclaimed, setting it down on the desk, signing in.

"You seriously have GOT to stop buying me coffee-" you started, trying to hand Bokuto money, hoping that he would accept it.

"Y/n! You know its my treat!" Bokuto said, smiling and shoving the money back to you.

"God damn it," You giggled, rubbing your forehead as if he had given you a headache.

You couldn't lie, you had the biggest crush on Bokuto, and spending every Saturday morning with him while doing what you loved was pretty damn nice. He knew how to put a smile on your face no matter what.

You walked back to the dog cages, starting the process of giving them all food and of course giving them extra love. Once you got back to Honey's cage, the both of you got excited, and you entered her kennel. (Side note- the cages I'm talking about are but like gated areas in a building so they go all the way to the ceiling- you aren't like CRAWLING into a tiny cage-)

"Hey pretty girl!" You exclaimed as she licked your face all over, giving you kisses as if saying 'I never thought you were coming back I missed you all night' as she did every day.

"Y/n, I told you to stop talking to yourself!" Bokuto yelled, walking back to Honey's cage to join you. She had become family to the two of you.

You giggled, "Oh enough you flirt," you slapped his shoulder lightly as he walked into the cage with you.

"I have news about this little lady actually!" Bokuto said, beaming.

"What? What do you know before me?" You asked, genuinely confused.

"Honey is being adopted today!"

Your heart sank, but you were happy as well. Happy she would have a home, but sad that you wouldn't see her anymore. Bokuto saw the way your face dropped, and you looked to Honey, giving her a hug.

"Oh pretty girl, I'm gonna miss you..." You told her, fighting tears.

You and Bokuto walked back to the front of the shelter, giving food to all the cats and other little animals that had been dropped there, like bunnies and such. But the whole time, you couldn't stop thinking about Honey leaving. It tore a hole in your heart. You waited all day for someone to come in with a leash, ready to take Honey to their home.

Once it was time for Bokuto to leave for the day, he grabbed a leash off the wall, making a wave of confusion run through you.

"Whatcha doin with that?" You inquired.

"You'll see! Patience is key, Y/n" Bokuto snickered, walking to the back.

You didn't think anymore of it, staring at the door, waiting for a loving family to walk in. Or would they be horrible? Would they hurt Honey? You hadn't seen any applications for adoption, meaning the owner of the shelter had approved it, so it could be anyone.

Bokuto snapped you out of your overthinking session, walking to the front with Honey on the pink leash he had grabbed from the wall. All of your thoughts about the awful person that could be adopting Honey were wiped away, and you were just confused.

"What are you doing with my pretty girl?" You asked, walking to give her what you thought were the last pets you'd every give her.

"Well. I was gonna ask you if you wanted to hang out today. Like, come shopping with me and come to my place for a bit? You're pretty knowledgeable about this stuff-"

You cut him off, "What are you on about Bo?"

"Oh! Right. Well, I'm adopting a dog today..." He trialed off, motioning to Honey, waiting for you to put the pieces together.

Slowly but surely, you did just that, jumping up from the floor where you were next to Honey.

"NO YOURE NOT. YOURE KIDDING." You said, beaming.

"Yeah! I couldn't stand the thought of someone awful or weird adopting your pretty girl and I know you cant have pets, but I can. So, I took it into my own hands. AND you can come see her any time, as long as you help me shop for her stuff when you get out of work." Bokuto explained.

You jumped into his arms, giving him a huge hug. This was better than any coffee he had ever brought you.

"Holy SHIT I CANNOT BELIEVE- THANK YOU- I JUST-" Your eyes began welling with happy tears, and Bokuto giggled. You then realized how much you really like him. He was so amazing.

"I mean, we could even count this shopping spree a date?" He half told, half asked, scratching the back of his neck in a nervous manner.

"I'd love that, Bo. I really would." You beamed.

"Awesome. Well, I'm gonna go show this pretty girl off to my friends, and then later, I can show another pretty girl off to my friends, hopefully." He said, motioning to you, laughing at his own horrible excuse of a pickup line.

"Maybe you can, you doofus." You laughed with him, waving good bye to the 2 most important beings to you in that moment.

You had never been happier.

#haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fanfic #haikyuu fic #bokuto fanfic #bokuto #bokuto fic #bokuto fluff #fanfic #haikyuu imagines

97 notes · View notes

imagining-in-the-margins · 4 years

Text

Here to Misbehave (Pt. 18 | S.R.)

Summary: Reader finds more productive ways to spend her time, including babysitting Henry and volunteering at the local inpatient hospitals.

A/N: That’s my gif so please give credit if you use it 🤗 Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader   Category: Smut (NSFW, 18+) Content Warning: Oral (female receiving), addiction, relapse, discussions of death/murder, unsub talk, hospitals, inpatient ward Word Count: 13K

MASTERLIST

—————————————————

The next morning felt strangely similar to the morning of the day we’d gone to the bank. . Waking up in Spencer’s bed and smelling the unmistakable, comforting scent of old book pages and stale coffee. I’d told him when I first came to his place that it reminded me of a library, but it was more like that quiet local hole-in-the-wall bookshop.

It almost felt like that morning, but there was one glaring difference: Spencer wasn’t in the bed.

When I sat up to try and locate him, I was reminded that there are consequences to my actions. My stomach hurt like shit, and I swore I blacked out for a second from the pain. It would pass, though. Considering I had gotten through the night without waking, it clearly wasn’t that bad.

I thankfully managed to get out of bed myself and take the pain medication I kept in my purse. And armed with the knowledge that the pain would subside within the next half hour, I hobbled toward the distant sounds of… vomiting.

Not even bothering to stop yet, I made my way to the kitchen to grab the poor guy a glass of water. It was the least I could do for his comfort considering that I was about to make his headache much, much worse.

Peeking my head through the open door, I frowned at the sight of my boyfriend half asleep on the toilet.

“Hey old man. I brought you some water.”

Finally looking up, not having noticed me until I spoke, Spencer groaned as he backed up to lean against the wall instead of the dirty porcelain. “God, when did I get this old?”

“Hmm. I’m guessing sometime in the past 30 years.” I hummed, joining him on the cold tile floor. The two of us just rested there, his hand reaching out to take mine with a solemn smile.

“You’re cute.” He mumbled.

“I know, thanks.” I joked back, knowing that I really looked like a whole mess, with my hair desperately needing to be brushed. He never seemed to mind, though. I was glad for the lighthearted domesticity of the moment, because I knew I was about to shatter it like a brick through glass.

Softening my features as much as possible with the anxiety coursing through my veins, I squeezed his hand before finally whispering, “You know your age isn’t the only reason you’re sick though, right?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” He snapped back with about as much hostility as I was expecting. He ran a frustrated hand over his face, his breathing picking up almost immediately as he tried to calm himself down.

“I know you’re just trying to do what you’re supposed to, but please…” The waver in his voice broke my heart and turned my stomach to knots. With more force, he held his hand in the air and continued to stare straight ahead. “Just... don’t. I’ll call my sponsor.”

I tried to keep my voice quiet and nonthreatening as I pushed, but I knew that it wasn’t going to make much of a difference either way.

“We have to talk about it, too, Spencer.”

“No, we really don’t.”

“You’re going to get your chip taken away,” my voice broke in half as the word fell from my mouth, “I know that that’s important to you. We can’t ignore it.”

Speaking faster, our urgent pleas overlapped to create a small cacophony booming through the acoustics of the bathroom. “(Y/n), seriously, stop. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

A silence fell between us, and I let it sit there for a minute. I wouldn’t get anywhere with him if he was defensive, and that’s exactly what he was at the moment. But I wasn’t trying to chastise him; I’m not his mother, I’m just his worried girlfriend. I loved him and I knew something was wrong, and I just wanted to help.

I didn’t know how. The men I loved never made it far enough for me to be able to help.

“You didn’t even tell me you were coming home. We need to talk about that, at least.” I offered the narrowed scope, hoping that he would take it without any more of a fight.

He didn’t. Instead, he took back his hand and turned it to a fist in his lap. That time it was my breathing that became unsteady, and I tried to touch him, but he recoiled when I came too close.

“You didn’t seem to mind me being drunk last night.”

Although I knew it was coming, the words hurt just the same. I resisted the urge to mirror his actions. I wasn’t angry. I wouldn’t be angry, because that’s what he wanted. If I reacted that way, he could write off my responses.

“I’m not going to agitate you or shame you when the damage is already done, Spencer.” I said as confidently as I could, “I knew you needed affection and you weren’t going to ask for it yourself.”

He finally looked at me again, and in doing so, realized he was making a mistake. The anger melted from his face within seconds, being replaced with overt sadness and guilt. “I could have hurt you.” He whispered through the tears that started to fall.

“But you didn’t.” I said with a gentle smile, reaching over to wipe the saltwater from his cheek. “That’s not a very good excuse anymore.”

“It’s always a good explanation.” He clarified, chewing on his bottom lip. His hands released from their tense state.

My fingers couldn’t move fast enough to clear his tears, but he brought his own hands up to rub the tired eyes. I used the freedom to run my hands through his hair, pulling him closer to me.

Resting his head against my shoulder, he let out a deep, shaky breath. I continued slow, soft strokes along his arm, listening to the rhythm of his breath slowly recalibrate. Once I was satisfied with the pattern, I tried again.

“What happened on the case, Spencer?”

The tension returned, but subsided quicker than it had before. He took a deep breath and spoke through the exhale, trying to rid himself of the thought as he said it.

“We had to kill someone.”

My movements paused for a second before I reminded myself to continue, but my confusion remained. “I understand trauma is complicated but… You guys have to do that pretty often.”

Spencer wasn’t the kind of person who liked to share his thoughts. I knew as much; even his coworkers hadn’t seen the parts of him that I’d seen. There was no way for me to know if I knew them all, but I figured that I didn’t. I was almost certain there was a side of Spencer Reid that even I didn’t know. The only reason I didn’t try to figure it out was because I knew he liked it better that way. He designed his heart that way for a reason, and I wasn’t going to try and pry it out of him.

But he was scaring me. He almost never talked about his job, which didn’t bother me when it was obvious that he didn’t bring it home with him. Him getting drunk and defensive, though, were very different circumstances than the usual.

Understanding that there was no other way out of this, he continued to talk, hushed and slow. “I was alone with the guy, and I had the opportunity to kill him, but I didn’t. I didn’t kill him, even though I really wanted to.”

‘I really wanted to.’ The words stuck out in my head, no matter how quickly he tried to bury them.

“But after Hotch showed up, he had to do it. We didn’t have a choice anymore.” His arms crossed over his chest, but he pressed himself harder against me in a strange, contradictory stance.

I couldn’t respond to the most important part of his confession just yet; I knew the story wasn’t over. Like I’d told him, trauma and grief are complicated; however, there was something else he needed to admit before I could address the part of his admission he seemed most affected by.. “Spencer, that’s okay. That’s not your fault.” I reassured, trying to coax his arms away from his chest. I’m no profiler, but I felt like if he stopped trying to build walls, things might be easier. I could at least try to break down the ones that were tangible.

“I’m not worried about it being my fault. I’m worried about how… angry I am.” He said in defeat, dropping his arms back to his lap. He still didn’t want to touch me, it seemed. Like the same hands that had wielded a gun against a man were too tainted to share.

“I’m angry because… I wanted to kill him, I wanted him to suffer for hurting innocent people and —“ He covered his mouth, and I think the motion surprised himself.

I couldn’t help but feel partially responsible, no matter how illogical I knew that was. It felt like yet another morning was being taken away from us by what had happened before. I didn’t want to think about it; I didn’t want it to torture Spencer the way it did me. It was wishful thinking, and the stupid kind, at that.

Spencer would always blame himself and care too much. While he was always trying to work on the former, I hoped that the world would let him keep the latter. His compassion was one of the many reasons I fell in love with him. The thought of losing the man who felt the need to confess to me that he’d lied about checking me out in a crowded club invoked a sadness I never wanted to experience.

Although, the prospect of that loss paled in comparison to the acute sorrow I was feeling right then, holding Spencer while he failed to hold back tears, choking on his words. “I didn’t do it, and then he almost hurt someone else.” He said, his voice growing more frantic as he broke from my hold, grabbing his hair and pulling it like it would do something to stop the thoughts.

“And I’m angry that I wasn’t the one who got to do it. I wasn’t the person who got to kill him.” He spat, rocking forward as I tried to wrap my arms around him again. He didn’t let me, putting an arm out to hold me away from him. Still, he looked at me when he forced himself to say the conclusion that I’d reached the second he told me he had wanted to kill someone.

“I’m angry that I didn’t kill someone, (y/n).”

There were so many things I wanted to say to him that my mind literally couldn’t pick any of them. All I could do was stare at the man I loved, stopping me from doing the only thing I wanted to do. I just wanted to hold him; to remind him that I would love him no matter what. Just like we always did, I wanted my body to express the things that my mouth wouldn’t articulate.

But apparently, I was capable of doing that without even touching him. Because the longer we sat in silence, the more his enraged grimace warped to a frown. “Please, don’t look at me like that.” He begged, unable to take his eyes off of mine. I wondered if he could hear my thoughts, because before I even spoke, he pulled his arm back. “Don’t look at me like I deserve sympathy for that.”

Ignoring the pesky numbness forming in my lower half at the awkward position on the unforgiving tile floor, I thanked the lord that I was finally getting some relief from the narcotics, which allowed me to climb on Spencer’s lap. He’d finally ceased his valiant efforts to keep me away from him, accepting me with his hands on my hips.

When I tried to kiss him, however, he turned his face away with a sharp inhale. Careful not to use too much force, I use a tender hand on his cheek to lead him back to me. His eyes bounced between my lips and eyes, almost like he was asking me to try again.

“I’m not going to pretend you’re a monster to make you feel better, Spencer.” I whispered, attempting to infuse the words with everything I felt.

Whether it worked or not, I could never be sure, but Spencer’s small smile sneaking over his cheek was enough for me. “I’m pretty sure it’d make me feel worse.” He croaked, laughing as he bit his tongue to stop any other jokes from slipping out. Like he was betraying the pain by letting it go.

“Well I’m not going to do that, either.” I returned with a laugh. Then, satisfied that he would accept my affections, I closed the gap between us. The kiss was so soft I could almost question whether our lips touched. But his hands slid over my lower back, his arms wrapping around me and pulling me against him.

Eventually, it became obvious just how tired the both of us were. With a quiet thanks, he rested his face on my shoulder, enjoying the calm after the storm of his feelings that he’d finally released.

“Can you come back to bed?” I asked.

“Yeah.” He mumbled, holding tighter for a second before he started to help ease me off his lap. “Let’s go, little girl.”

The return to my nickname made me happier than I’d like to admit. At this point, the use of my real name was like a litmus test for his anxiety. And although I could feel Spencer slowly opening back up to me, he still felt so far away when we crawled under the covers.

Turning on my side to face him, I saw something in his eyes that alerted me to just how deeply rooted this problem was. It wasn’t just the event we’d discussed; it was the knowledge that there would be many more like it in the future.

I wondered what Spencer saw when he looked at me. Did he see me like I was in that moment, or was I always going to look like I had before, choking on blood and a confession I wish I could have made more beautiful? Did he see me at all? Or did he just see all the mistakes he’d made? Would all our moments together be marred by the overwhelming tragedy of a single one? More than anything, I just hoped that he didn’t see the faces of the people who had caused us to be in that horrible tableau. I needed Spencer to see beautiful things when he looked at me, because I needed to see them in his eyes. If something so ugly was the biggest thing between us, our relationship would fray with time, each of us unable to truly see the other.

“You’re the best man I’ve ever known.” I said into the silent early morning air of his apartment.

As expected, Spencer’s precarious smile broke almost immediately, replaced with violent sobs and an attempt to hide his face from me by burying it in my chest. I let him, wrapping my arms around his head in the hope that I could act like a shield for the world that never let him rest.

“I’ll love you forever,” I let my voice break, but I didn’t let that stop me. “And nothing will ever change that.”

—————————————————

One of the things people never warn you about when you’re dating a bona fide genius is that there is no such thing as a surprise. It was like every time I came up with an idea, Spencer could see it on my face within seconds. I was never really sure how he did it, although he usually had the decency to wait until a normal person would have figured it out to say something. For example, when we were about three streets away from his best friend’s house.

“Why are we going to JJ’s house?” He finally asked, turning to me with a confused but excited expression that almost hid the residual negative feelings that insisted on sticking around a week later.

I glanced over at him, laughing at the way his fingers bounced on his lap. He never was subtle with his emotions. “I may or may not have offered us up as babysitters so she and Will could have a much needed date night.”

From the way his shoulders dropped, I could tell it wasn’t the answer he’d been expecting. Still, it didn’t seem like he was disappointed— he was simply trying to read my motivations that were seemingly counter-intuitive.

“Really? Isn’t that gonna be a lot for you?” The concern was evident in his voice, which I found both endearing and a little annoying. It wasn’t this fault, really. I was just so freaking tired of not being able to do basically anything I wanted to. Especially when the thing I wanted to do was watch my boyfriend and his godson.

“Henry may be well behaved, but he’s still a toddler.” Spencer continued, eliciting a deep sigh from me.

“That’s why you’re here.” I half-joked, pulling into the driveway that was starting to feel familiar. If someone had told me a few months ago that I would become friends with the woman I was angrily binge watching clips of on YouTube, I would have asked them if they had me confused for another girl. But, much to Spencer’s delight, JJ and I never really had that awkward phase. From the second that I met her, I knew that we just wanted the same thing: above all, for the people we loved to be happy. And it seemed we both had a soft spot for the man currently in my passenger seat.

“Oh, running after the kid is my job?” He laughed, already unbuckling his seatbelt and pulling his bag onto his lap in his excitement.

“Yep.” I stuck out my tongue at him, which only made him lean over in an attempt to steal a kiss. I allowed it, if only to bring him within arm’s reach. When he started to pull away, clearly ready to hop out of the car and run to his favorite toddler, I grabbed a fistful of his cardigan in an attempt to keep him closer for a second longer.

“But seriously, Spencer, I…”

He settled into his seat, immediately recognizing the faint tremor in my words. His hand came to rest over mine, and I sighed at the warmth that filled my whole body in seconds.

“I want you to remember that you’re a good person.” I whispered, trying to let him feel how deeply I meant the words, “I know how much you love Henry. I think spending time taking care of someone that’s… not me… will be good for you. And me.”

Those big brown eyes glassed over, glancing down and then away from me as he remembered looking at my stomach didn’t ever do much for his self-hatred. Which, in turn, just made me feel worse. I wondered if there would ever be a day where he could look at me and not feel that way. I desperately hoped that there would be.

Spencer rubbed his eyes to stop any other emotions from spilling out. “Does JJ know we’re using her kid as therapy?” He joked between sniffles.

“She’s a smart lady.” I shrugged, smoothing out the now wrinkled cardigan beneath my fingers. “Besides, Henry said he missed you and it’s hard to say no to him.”

And just like that, Spencer’s bouncing returned, his hand reaching behind him to open the door before he could even open his mouth to speak. “Yeah, we probably shouldn’t keep him waiting, then.”

There was no stopping him at that point, and I trailed along behind him, watching as Henry tumbled out of the front door and straight into my boyfriend’s waiting arms on the porch.

The rest of the night went a lot like that, too. Once the novelty of having me there wore off, and Henry realized that my boo-boo made it hard for me to play the way little boys liked to, Spencer returned to his rightful place as Henry’s favorite babysitter.

I didn’t mind; I was perfectly content watching the two of them. Between the cheesy magic tricks that required a little bit of childlike innocence to be entertained by and Spencer’s attempts to follow along with Henry’s excited rants about cartoons my boyfriend had never even heard of, I somehow fell even more in love with the man.

And even though I had planned this for him, it was restorative for me, too. There was this weird, paradoxical guilt you feel when you’re dating someone like him. Although I know that he wanted to spend every waking second of his free time with me, it made me feel like he was missing out on something else. Something better than me.

It was so easy to forget that we could do those things together. In a way, I could thank my injury for that. When we were limited so much on what we could do together, we had to find creative ways to spend time together that were still stimulating for the both of us.

That being said, in that moment I wished for nothing more than rest. Even just watching the two boys together was exhausting, so when Henry’s first yawn sounded, I jumped at the opportunity. Because, see, Spencer was good at the playing, but I was much better at the cuddling.

It wasn’t like he could argue, either, because while Henry curled up next to me on one side, Spencer was on the other, his arm reaching around to rest on the young boy’s back. Despite picking out the movie, Henry fell asleep against my chest within minutes.

And in the quiet calmness of JJ’s house, I found myself almost falling asleep, too. My head rested against Spencer’s shoulder, moving ever so slightly with each deep breath as my eyes struggled to stay open. That was when Spencer kissed the top of my head so delicately that I almost didn’t feel it.

“I love you, little girl.”

My heart skipped a beat at the sound, and the wave of goosebumps and satisfaction covered me like a blanket. If we’d stayed for even a few minutes longer, I would have fallen asleep right there. However, JJ and Will arrived home just in the nick of time. They tried to convince us to stay, but Spencer seemed uncharacteristically excited to leave, so I didn’t question it even though I wanted to. I took the trip home to catch up on my phone and try to wake myself up enough to spend another hour or so awake with him before I passed out.

“Don’t fall asleep yet.”

I perked up in my seat, not entirely sure if he’d actually said the words, or if I’d just imagined them a little too vividly. But when he glanced over at me, I knew that he was just doing that slightly unsettling thing where he read my thoughts.

“Why? You got plans?” I said through a yawn, trying to stretch within the confines of the car.

“As a matter of fact, I do have plans.”

At first, I thought nothing of the smug way he said it— up until I felt his hand slowly slide up my thigh, the pressure of his fingers increasing when he couldn’t go any further.

“This feels familiar.” I chuckled, my mind transporting me back to our first not-a-date. The sensations caused a desire to burn through me so quickly I became lightheaded, my lungs hungry and desperate as Spencer continued to tease me by avoiding the one place he knew I wanted him to touch.

But, of course, just as I reached down to move his hand, he pulled it away altogether.

“Lucky for you, we’re almost home.”

I audibly groaned, knocking my head back against the seat now that Spencer had succeeded in waking me up. “Sometimes, Spencer…” I mumbled, “I remember why I have to be such a fucking brat.”

“It’s my fault, is it?”

There was a distinct darkness and deviancy in his words, despite the joking cadence they were uttered in. It was a voice I hadn’t heard in some time; a voice that was imprinted so vividly in my memory that even just the thought of it would make me putty in his hands. And I knew that I was reminiscing a lot, trying to relive times that had long since passed, but every time I saw a part of the old Spencer — the Spencer who rambled in museums and demanded I cover up my Lolita costume — the more I felt like my life was finally returning to normal.

“Of course it’s your fault. Have you seen me?” I gestured to myself, swamped in a sweatshirt and shorts like a weather-confused idiot. If the clashing clothing wasn’t enough, my make up had smeared from constantly rubbing my eyes. “I’m an angel.” I concluded, intending it to be sarcastic but knowing that he really saw me that way.

And sure enough, Spencer looked me over for just one second before pulling into the parking lot to his apartment complex. “You’re spoiled.” He decided.

“Doesn’t feel that way right now.” I whined, chewing on my bottom lip as I continued to wait for his attention.

But he just parked my car, leaning over to grab his bag from between my legs. Before it got too far, though, I clamped my legs around the leather. “Stop ignoring me!” I said through a pout, only getting more heated as he chuckled in response, tugging on the satchel until it slid from between my legs.

Finally, after what felt like forever, Spencer’s eyes locked with mine, his other hand grabbing my chin and forcing my bottom lip out from between my teeth. He held my mouth open against my resistance, but as soon as I gave into his hold, he relaxed his grip, leaning forward and pressing a much-too-soft kiss against my lips.

Without even fully breaking away, he turned my head to the side to whisper in my ear, “Get inside and I’ll make it up to you.”

Life was returning to normal. Together we excitedly stumbled through the Langham apartment complex until we got to his door, and he fumbled to unlock it without letting me go.

Everything about the chaos felt comfortable and predictable. I didn’t even notice the dull throbbing in my stomach because Spencer’s hands felt like home. The insistent noise of all my messy insecurities was quieted by his lips trailing down my jaw and neck as we finally crossed the threshold.

“Watching you with Henry, I just...” Spencer began to mumble against my neck, our bodies gravitating toward his room with a complete lack of grace, considering how well I should know the layout by now. We made it to the door, but not his bed, as he pressed me against the wall right on the other side.

His lips were slightly swollen from how feverishly he’d kissed me, his breathing ragged and his hair wild from where my hands had raked through it a few too many times. But his eyes were what really caught my attention, staring into me so deeply that it caused a shiver to roll down my spine. Spencer sensed my hesitance, because he brought a gentle hand to my face before he spoke, quietly but surely.

“I want to marry you one day. You know that, right?”

I thought about before; how those words would have filled me with both a naive joy and overwhelming anxiety. But as I stood there, staring back at him, I felt a genuine smile spreading across my lips.

“We speak in a lot of ‘one days,’ Dr. Reid.”

I couldn’t tell the effect the words had on him, although I had a few guesses. I’d avoided the part of the sentence he’d meant for me to hear the loudest. We both knew I’d heard it. At the same time, I hadn’t denied the idea or given any reason to suggest I wasn’t happy about the statement.

“I’m serious.” He insisted, not ready to drop the subject just yet.

Unfortunately for him, though, I had other plans. As much as the talk of marriage gave me butterflies, there were more immediate needs I wanted him to fulfill. So, without saying anything, I subtly suggested that he put off the conversation and switch to other activities with a firm hand against the bulge that had already formed in his pants.

“God, I want to fuck you.” He immediately groaned, his head lolling forward and resting against mine. I figured that it would be harder to convince him to fuck me now that he wasn’t drunk, but he seemed even more willing now that we’d already made the leap of faith once. Nothing bad had happened to me then, and the dramatic improvement of my mood was helpful for both of us.

So I began to slide down the wall, my hands raking down his chest as I giggled, “Let me help you.”

Spencer’s hands moved so quickly and with such strength that it surprised the both of us. Luckily, he’d grabbed my hips instead of my stomach, halting me before I could drop to my knees.

“No.” He firmly corrected, lifting me back to my normal height before turning the two of us around so that my back was to the bed. “It’s my turn.”

Much gentler now, he helped lower me onto the bed, but he didn’t follow me yet.

“Take off your clothes.” He instructed me as he removed his own.

I listened, watching him intently to try and determine his plans before he actually got to me. But he kept his expressions to a minimum, only giving away his enthusiasm in watching me sheepishly remove my clothing. My shirt was still on when he climbed onto the bed and over my body.

“I want to see you.” There was something pitiful about the way he uttered the words, and my hands hesitated, holding tightly to the hem of my shirt as I avoided his eyes.

“You have an eidetic memory, Spencer. You know what it looks like.”

“I’ll never stop wanting to see you. You’re so beautiful, (y/n).” He used my name, and my body reacted just as quickly as he realized his mistake. Grabbing my arms before I could close them over me, he brought my wrists against the bed beside my head. “You can leave it on for now.”

What he said provided me all the context I needed to know what he was planning, and I locked my legs around him, hoping that I could stall him for a few moments.

“Please, Spencer. Please fuck me.” I begged, arching my back and baring my neck to him, knowing that he could see my erratic pulse in my neck.

“I can’t. Not yet.” His voice was strained, one hand raised so that his fingers could brush over my neck. “It won’t be much longer.”

Frustrated by his undying desire to take care of me, I used my hand that he’d released to grab a handful of his hair. “I want to feel you inside of me again.” I moaned through the words, my heels digging into his back and bringing his hips down to meet mine. I watched as his eyelids fluttered shut, his breath hitching in his throat.

“I want to see the look on your face when you fill me up.” I continued, bucking up in search of the delicious friction I’d been deprived of for months now. “I know what you’re thinking when you do it.”

“F-fuck.” He struggled to lower his hand to hold my hips down, but I could tell he was scared he would hurt me in the process. It was a dangerous game, to ever put me in this position when neither of us had pants on. Spencer’s confidence wavered as he choked on his words, “This isn’t going to work.”

“You can’t think about that if I’m not touching you.”

“Yes, I can.” He responded with no hesitation, his eyebrows raising in a challenge.

“But isn’t it so much more fun when it’s actually possible?” I cooed.

“It’s always possible, it’s just so unlikel— Fuck!” Spencer cut off by his own gasp when I finally succeeded in pulling him against my heat.

The noise that I gave was something between a sigh and a moan, and I swore I saw Spencer’s pupils dilate in response. There were just some things he couldn’t hide, no matter how hard he tried. But my satisfaction was short lived, and Spencer sat up on his knees to place a manageable distance between us.

“We’re not doing this.” He growled through clenched teeth, his nails raking over my thighs before he removed them entirely. “Stop being a greedy fucking brat and spread your legs.”

I waited a second, hoping that Spencer would get impatient and force my legs open himself. But he flashed me a look, warning me that if I didn’t behave, he could very easily just send me to bed without any satisfaction. And as much as I wanted to call his bluff, the idea of going to bed without getting to touch him was so upsetting.

So, I slowly dropped my legs open, running my hands over the skin still burning from where his hands had touched me. And even slower, Spencer lowered himself until his face rested against my thigh, the scruff of his cheek causing a shiver to run up my body.

“Don’t tell me that a few months of me pampering you has undone all of my hard work.” He murmured so softly I almost didn’t hear it.

But the fact that I did was evidenced by my laugh. “That would imply you’ve actually accomplished something to undo, but I’m just as bratty as the day you met me, Dr. Reid.”

He smiled, his eyes focusing on my face as I continued to giggle, now urged on by the way his breath tickled my inner thigh. “Is that right?” He said in that familiar cocky voice. “Because I happen to recall that the first time that I did this, you tried to stop me.”

The blood rushed to my cheeks as my mind replayed the memory of his smirk from when he had held my legs open for him.

‘You’re not broken, little girl. Promise.’ Just the thought of the words was enough to cloud my mind, but I was dedicated to besting him in this exchange. If he was going to be arrogant, then I would give him the best challenge I could.

“Would you rather I fought you?” I asked, beginning to pull my legs shut before he grabbed them and pulled them over his shoulders.

“No. The instructions for tonight should be very easy to follow; even for you.”

I was trying to pay attention, but it was getting harder the closer he came to actually fucking doing something. It was so obvious that he was getting off on the way my eyes were barely able to stay open, my chest moving with each half-sob that came when he would lay a kiss against my hips.

“What are they?” I slurred, grabbing handfuls of the sheets to prevent myself from forcing him against me.

It was clearly the exact question he was waiting for, a devilish smirk stretching over his cheeks as he dragged his lips down to where I wanted them, moving them against my skin to say, “Stay still, and don’t be quiet.”

While I appreciated the instruction, I feared that it was in vain. Because when Spencer finally flattened his tongue against me, I couldn’t have stopped myself from immediately crying out if I tried.

My hands retained their death grip on the sheets, partially making up for the fact that my body immediately disobeyed his command to stay still. But I couldn’t help it; the long strokes of his tongue up and down my sex felt like pure bliss. And honestly, it wasn’t even just the physical sensations. It was just the knowledge that we were back where we should be; shamelessly indulging in our need for each other without inhibitions. Spencer was clearly enjoying himself, his hands struggling to gently hold me down while he devoured me like a man starved.

I couldn’t look at him, my head bent so far back I could see the headboard. His name fell from my mouth like a mantra, my hips rolling against each motion of his tongue.

“I missed you.” I cried, my legs once again locking around him, my heels on his back as I wished I could pull him closer. “I missed this so badly, Spencer.”

He couldn’t really answer, although I think the moan that he gave was meant to be a response. The vibrations almost sent me over the edge, but right before they could, he pulled back ever so slightly.

I glanced down to figure out why, and was met with his eyes watching me intently, analyzing every response I was giving him; memorizing the way my body shook with need after just a few weeks in his absence.

“Please, don’t stop.” I begged, not caring how pathetic the words sounded when they broke in my throat.

“Oh, I’m not.” He mumbled against me, raising his lips to close around the bundle of nerves at my crest.

At first, I just sighed, appreciating the soft flicks and swirls of his tongue that would eventually build up another release. But it was when I closed my eyes that he revealed his plan.

Without any warning, I felt his finger slip between my folds, thrusting into me with one fluid motion as my wanton moans filled the room. He didn’t let them distract him, his mouth intent on the rhythm it had set, and his hand insistently working to match it.

There was nothing comprehensible in the noises I made, and neither of us seemed to mind. Spencer was only urged on, quickly adding a second finger in his ruthless pace that finally forced me to release the wrinkled sheets in my hands. Instead, they wound through his hair, pulling me against him as I chased my release.

“Please.” I whined, hoping that he would know what I was asking for. Because I didn’t even know what I was asking for— just that he could give it to me.

And sure enough, he did, his fingers beginning to curl inside of me with each motion. I used all of the energy I could muster had to keep my hips relatively still, although they were still trembling with the tension spreading through my muscles that tightened around him.

I wanted to call out his name, to give him the praise and recognition he deserved, but my tongue was tied in the haze of pleasure that overtook me. I could barely breathe, my mind transported to some alternate universe where there was only Spencer and myself. There was no point in identifying where we diverged, because he felt so much like a part of me in that moment, I could never separate from him again.

My walls fluttered around his fingers that still pumped into me with the same vigor. His tongue continued to circle my clit while he gently sucked, clearly lost in his own form of pleasure from the activity.

I wished I could touch him more. I wanted to drag him up to my lips, turn him onto his back and ride him until my legs gave out. But I couldn’t; my body tired and no longer used to the energy we once made a habit of spending on each other on any given day. It had used that energy to dull the pain so I could enjoy the relatively tame experience we had just shared.

As I came down from my orgasm, I was filled with guilt over the fact that I hadn’t so much as touched him once in this entire encounter, and now my hands weren’t even able to keep my grip on his hair as he lifted his head.

Spencer seemed none the wiser about the shame brewing in my head, and he wiped his mouth to reveal a lovesick smile beneath his hand.

“Good girl.” He rasped, crawling up to my side rather than on top of me. With a tender hand, he brushed aside the strands of my hair that stuck to the sweat on my face. “I knew you could behave.”

He sounded so proud of me, which only served to intensify the guilt now pouring from my heart and tainting the rest of what should have been a beautiful memory. I clung to the little bit of light I saw in those toffee eyes.

“How dare you imply I’m ever capable of such a thing.” I chuckled, reaching out to hold him somehow.

He took my hand in his, raising it to his lips for a brief kiss before resting them both against his heart.

“Can I help you?” I sounded drunk from my exhaustion, but hopefully determined enough to convince him I was willing. He didn’t buy it.

“No, go to sleep.”

He leaned forward like he was going to kiss me, but then brought his fingers down over my eyes, brushing over my lids in an attempt to get me to close them. To his credit, it worked, but only for a second before they snapped back open.

“That’s not fair!” I murmured, pulling the sheet over me while I tried to sneak closer to him. I noticed the way he scrutinized my free hand’s movements, ready to stop it from doing too much.

‘It’s gonna be like that, huh?’ I didn’t let it stop me from trying. I didn’t even get to his bellybutton before he snatched my wrist.

“I said no.”

“You know... I could help you without touching you.” I offered instead, pressing my hand against his chest since he wouldn’t let it move any lower. “It’s not the first time we’ve touched ourselves for each other.”

Spencer snorted at the reference, bringing my hands up to his neck, where they happily ran through his now tangled hair.

“That didn’t end well for me last time.”

“I bet you still finished without me.” I teased, my tongue slipping out from my mouth. “Did my pictures come in handy?”

“Like you said— I have an eidetic memory. I don’t need pictures.”

The most noticeable part of his response wasn’t the way his cheeks turned pink, but rather that he didn’t deny that he’d used the pictures. Knowing they were long gone now, considering Penelope’s tendency to snoop too much for her own good, I wondered if that memory was filed away somewhere special in his mind.

“You especially don’t need them when I’m right here.” I purred, tugging him closer by his hair until the gap between us was gone, our lips pressed feverishly against the other.

It was always like that. Like the second we touched, the proverbial dam between us turned to dust. Within a matter of seconds, we’d be so wrapped up in each other that we didn’t care about the wreckage left in our wake.

Spencer didn’t let it get that far, though. He hadn’t in some time.

“You have had enough excitement for one day. I don’t need anything.” He clarified, clearing his throat and acting like I couldn’t feel his erection pressed against my thigh. Still, his next statement was so genuine I couldn’t have argued with it if I tried. “I just wanted to take care of you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

But on the topic of wanting, I knew I felt it more. “I want things to be normal again.” I answered quickly, an urgency blooming in my throat that died when I tried to finish the thought. “I feel so... useless.”

His hand has grabbed my chin before I even noticed its absence on my hip. He held my face towards him, a dark and pained timbre in his voice.

“Don’t ever think that.”

It was a plea. I wanted to give him the relief and assurance he sought, but my gut told me to be honest with him, even if it hurt us.

“It’s just that before, we... did so much more and I’m scared that I won’t...”

Why was it so hard? He was looking at me like he would do anything to stop me from feeling even the slightest discomfort, but I felt like I was suffocating. I didn’t want to disappoint him. I didn’t want him to worry. I wanted to make him as happy as he made me, but...

“I’m scared that I won’t ever be able to do it again.”

He couldn’t tell me that I was wrong. If he tried to make it only about my physical condition, he risked the chance of me telling him I don’t want to do it ever again. Did I feel that way? It was hard to tell; it was too early to tell. But the crushing despair that I felt at the thought of losing that part of our relationship suggested I did not feel that way.

“Hey. Look at me.” Spencer’s voice tore me away from the intrusive thoughts about our inevitable fallout, his hand still holding me in place in front of him, and his eyes still promising me the world.

“Just because we’ve done something before doesn’t mean we ever have to do it again.”

The words felt like the first breath after struggling for air underwater and finally breaking the surface just in the nick of time. Why were they such a relief? I couldn’t figure it out, but was too afraid to ask, fearing how Spencer might take it. Although, the tears pooling at my lashes gave him more than enough to read.

“Tell me you understand.” His request was as gentle as always. After a moment of trying, and failing, to collect myself, I nodded.

He sighed, cautiously moving his palm to cup my cheek. It was his voice that broke then. “I know this is hard, but I need you to use your big girl words for this. I need to make sure you hear me.”

“I understand.” My throat ached as I forced the words out. I could tell he wasn’t convinced but knew any argument would be meaningless while we were both so tired.

“Thank you.” He said, anyway. And like the prettiest sounding broken record, he let his fingertips trail over any exposed area he could find as he spoke the same words I’d heard before, even more insistent. “Even if you never touched me again, just knowing that you’re alive and happy... That alone makes the happiest man in the world.”

Spencer’s lips pressed against my forehead, resting there for a little too long. From the uneven shake of his breath, I knew he was hiding something, but didn’t want to ask what. I suspected they were tears.

I had disappointed him again. I had hurt him, yet again. I hadn’t meant to.

“It’s all that I need. To know that you’re happy.” There was an implicit message hiding in those words.

He was saying he wanted me to be happy, consciously neglecting to voice the resigned addition, ‘even if it’s not with me.’

“I know.” I whispered, half asleep as he continued drawing patterns on my skin. I meant to tell him that he was the only man who’d ever made me feel truly happy, safe, and loved— the only one I trusted with my heart. But all that came out was a simple, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” He said back, leaving me to wonder if he’d heard what I meant.

—————————————————

After everything I’d been through, I’d sworn that I would never want to be in a hospital ever again. But, unfortunately for me, it seemed my stubbornness extended even to my own limits, which explained why I was currently walking through the doors of the residential inpatient ward. It was a good idea in theory, to volunteer in the last place I wanted to be so that I could grow used to being there again.

It didn’t have to be a scary place.

Especially since the people around me weren’t the typical hospital patients. In fact, the people there weren’t even the usual patients of the hospital. Apparently, the ward was hosting a group of traveling patients that had been deemed fit for a vacation to the nation’s capital.

My assignment was simple enough - simply meet with a person and discuss the book they were currently reading. There was no requirement that we had to have read the book before, considering that would leave most people without a partner at all.

I was expecting to meet someone to discuss some niche romance novel or whatever had recently come out in theaters, but as I scanned the list of books, one stuck out to me more than the others.

The Book of Margery Kempe (1501).

It wasn’t the book itself that piqued my interest— I’d never read it. I had, however, listened to Spencer explain the entire premise to me on several occasions. Unsurprisingly, no one else volunteered for the book from the fifteenth century that referred to the main character as “this creature.” No one until me, that is.

There was no questioning who my partner was when I entered the room, spotting her quickly on the outskirts of the room with the book in her hand, but her eyes fixed on the raindrops slowly dripping down the window.

“Hi, are you Diana?”

She jumped a little at the sound of my voice, and I tried not to be consumed by guilt for surprising her despite my best efforts not to.

“Who are you?”

“I’m (y/n). I’m sorry if I scared you. I was assigned to be your book buddy today.” I explained, gesturing to the book on her lap with a smile that wasn’t big enough to be fake. From what the nurses had told me about her, I figured it was best to just be as genuine as possible… which made my answer to her next question a little more difficult.

“You’ve read this book?”

“Actually, I haven’t. No one had.” I laughed, pulling another chair over to her before taking a seat. “But I have heard someone go through basically the entire story in their own words, so...” I never finished the thought, cut off by a slight scoff from the woman.

“I figured. You’re very young.”

“Hey! Young people can read the classics.” I defended, crossing the lower half of my legs and tucking my hands between my knees. It probably gave away some of my nerves, but I figured it was alright considering she wasn’t a profiler and Spencer wasn’t here.

“But you don’t.” She wryly noted.

“Guilty. My boyfriend does, though.” I acquiesced, albeit a bit distracted as my mind decided to focus on those memories rather than the current reality.

“At least you’ve got that exposure. It’s important to learn these things.”

For a second, it felt like I was being lectured by my boyfriend, making it hard not to laugh, which I was pretty sure she didn’t appreciate.

“Can you tell me about it? I want to know if my boyfriend was just making stuff up.” I shrugged, laughing while I found myself avoiding her eyes. She noticed that behavior; most people would.

But to my surprise, she started to explain the book, anyway. Less surprising was the realization that Spencer hadn’t made up any of it. It was clear as day from their similar words that they had definitely read the same book. And if I didn’t know any better, I’d have thought they’d discussed it together, too.

She was more talented than he was at explaining, though. Maybe it was a little bit my fault, considering I always got distracted by his voice. But with her, it really did feel like someone sharing a part of themselves. I could tell how deeply she cared for literature, and it made me more excited to hear about the chaste holy woman that found herself tempted by jealousy and sex.

When her story was winding to an end, I was almost sad that it was over. “You must have been a professor.” I mumbled, having already forgotten the information I was given by the nurses.

She was quick to correct me, her mouth curling into a frown as she said, “I still am. I’m just not on the campus anymore.”

“Of course. Gotta stay sharp, right?” I half-heartedly joked, sitting up from my slouched position. A brief stint of silence stretched between us and glancing at the clock I realized that it would still be a little while until Spencer could come get me. So, I turned back to the woman in front of me, noticing the way she stared out the window as she chewed on her nails.

“Is that why you wanted to visit D.C.?” I wondered aloud, and her response didn’t help assuage that curiosity at all.

“I... have another reason.”

“That sounds very mysterious, Diana.” I giggled, leaning forward and whispering, “Are you secretly a rebel?”

She scoffed, but I detected amusement behind the apparent derision. “Nothing like that.”

As sneaky and vague as she was being, and the fact that I had been warned of her paranoia, I still found myself wanting to ask her what could possibly make her as happy as her current thought.

“So what is it?” I said, leaning back in an effort to seem less insistent, explaining my intentions in a rant reminiscent of my boyfriend. “I don’t mean to pry, I just... you got really happy and I’d love to share in that excitement.”

“That’s just selfish.”

She really was so much like him.

“That’s how you know I won’t judge you.” I pointed out, raising one hand in the air and placing the other on my heart.

“I’m not worried about that.” She just waved her hand at me, ignoring my dramatic gesticulations and sighing as she glanced down at the book once more. After another moment of contemplation, her eyes flicked up to me so quickly I almost missed them, analyzing my features one more time before she carefully said, “I’m here to visit my son.”

“That sounds wonderful.”

Although her expression was anxious, she still seemed at least a little relieved to have shared her plans with someone.

“He is.” She returned, lightly brushing the back of the book, almost like she was trying to remember something etched on the beveled hardcover. “He’s a good boy. Very bright. He has wonderful adventures. He goes all over the country. He used to tell me everything but... he’s gotten too busy for his mother these past few years.”

As I took in the words, I felt the pain in her voice. My heart wrenched in my chest, imagining how awful it must be to not have a chance to talk to your family. “I’m sure he doesn’t mean to ignore you.” At least, I hoped not. She had so many stories to tell, even in just this short window, I couldn’t imagine anyone would want to avoid her. Then again… I knew it could be hard.

“I know he’s busy. That’s why I wanted to come here. It makes it easier for him.” She was confident in her explanation, and I nodded back with similar gusto.

“Have you talked to him yet?”

“No. I’m going to have them call him today.”

We were both happy then, and I clapped my hands together in front of me to suppress the urge to touch her as I excitedly replied, “I hope you get to see him.”

“Me too,” she agreed, simultaneously hopeful and defeated, before turning back to the window with the same wistfulness as before. “If not, the museums will be nice, too.”

“Hey, if you need a docent, I could always call my boyfriend. He would be so excited to talk to a fellow scholar who could actually follow along.” I excitedly replied, rocking forward in my chair with a goofy grin at the thought. She reminded me enough of him that I figured the two would get along. He’d at least understand what she talked about, unlike me.

“There’s no one that can compare to my son.” She warned, narrowing her eyes and pouting in a way I swore I’d seen before on another face.

“I bet. He does sound a lot like him, though. I bet they’d be friends.” The gears in my brain, rusted and slightly worn, started to turn. “They actually might be... my boyfriend lives near here.”

And that was when it hit me, the obvious conclusion I’d been avoiding for some reason. That creeping, unsettling familiarity wasn’t from coincidence; it was my brain recognizing her as an extension of the man I loved.

“...What’s your son’s name?”

She never got to answer, because no sooner had I finished saying the words thanwe both heard Spencer’s voice from the door behind us.

“Mom?”

The realization crashed into all three of us like a goddamn freight train. And even with my flair for the dramatic, I found my head spinning as I tried to will time to rewind itself.

“Spencer? How did you know I was here?” Diana said through a confused gasp, turning to me to see the equally stunned look on my face.

“I didn’t… I—“

They both turned to me, but I was too busy staring halfway between them, my jaw dropped open and my brain suddenly devoid of any helpful thought.

When it decided to finally be helpful, it was only marginally better. “Well… that makes a lot of sense.” I said with a cringeworthy laugh. When neither of them laughed, and continued to stare at me, I quickly shot up from my chair and waved a shaking hand. “You should talk to your mom. I’ll give you guys a minute.”

I didn’t get very far before Spencer’s hand caught my wrist, his wild eyes wide and insistent as he crackled, “Actually, I need a minute alone with you. If that’s okay.”

I turned to Diana for her permission but found nothing useful. She was also still caught up in the disaster that had just occurred, and turned back to her son who seemed genuinely apologetic.

“Sorry mom, I’ll… I’ll be right back.”

Spencer nearly dragged me out of the room, shutting the door and hiding out of sight of any windows. If he was ready to unleash his pent up anxiety, though, he wasn’t quick enough.

“Spencer, what the shit?!” I whisper-yelled, the sound echoing through the sterile hallway.

My boyfriend didn’t have any answers, his hands raking through his hair as he clearly tried to calm his heart and rapid breath. “I’m sorry I— I didn’t know that she was here! What is she doing here?!”

“Oh my god. Shut up. I’m freaking out. What if she thinks I’m weird?” I rambled back, grabbing my chest once I realized that I was freaking out just was badly as the idiot in front of me. Because seriously, he couldn’t tell me his mom’s name so I wouldn’t be blindsided like this?

Then again, I guess I couldn’t talk.

“What did you say to her?” He whispered back, dragging his hands over his face. He seemed eerily calm while asking, considering just how much we could have gotten into during our conversation. Although, I guess it would have been weird to share the more intimate, embarrassing details with a stranger at a hospital.

“I don’t know! We just talked about you!”

“You talked about me?!”

“Well we didn’t know we were both talking about you!” I said was quietly as possible, which was not quiet at all. Waving my arms between us, I tried to explain the jumbled mess in my head. “She was talking about her son and I was talking about my boyfriend and— Actually, that reminds me.”

“What?”

His answer came in the form of a soft thwack on the back of his head. He jumped, raising his hands to his head in both shock and embarrassment at the public chastisement, despite there being no one around to witness it.

“Call your mother, asshole!”

“Ow?! Don’t hit me!” He whined, and I could tell from the tone that the only damage done was to his ego.

“Stop ignoring your mother! You shouldn’t even be out here!” I reminded him, laying my hands against his chest and beginning to push him back towards the door. “Get back in there!”

Spencer’s hands held onto mine, and for the first time in a while I noticed that they were shaking. The lighthearted panic I’d felt seconds before vanished, replaced with a painful sadness that seemed to bleed from him into my hands.

“I’m not trying to ignore her, I just…” His eyes were struggling to focus, and the crackle in his voice warned me that there was something he was trying to avoid saying. “I can explain… This.”

I didn’t need to hear it.

“Explain what?” I meant the question to be an expression of my feelings, but it seemed to freak him out more. Like I actually expected an answer for why his mother was in a program like this. Like the reason he had kept that from me mattered. I already knew the reason he didn’t tell me— It was pretty obvious.

“Spencer, I don’t care that she’s here. That doesn’t bother me.”

From the faraway look in his eyes, I knew he didn’t really believe me. I couldn’t blame him entirely. The shame was clear on his features. But I also knew that nothing I could say in that moment would make him believe me; it would probably take a long time. That was okay. We had time.

“I’m serious. She’s your mother and you love her, so of course I’m going to like her.” I tried to reassure him anyway, and I noticed the small twitch of his pout that slowly turned into a pitiful smile.

Trying to keep that upward trend, I motioned to my absolutely ridiculous outfit and bedhead before I laughed, “I’m mostly just mortified about the fact that I just met your mother looking like this and acting like a fucking moron.”

Thankfully, Spencer laughed back. His hands gripped mine tighter, and through the tears that stayed perched on his eyes without falling, he croaked, “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. Just… go see your mom. I’ll go hang out in the cafeteria for a minute.” I jumped up on my toes, yanking my hands back only to them around his neck.

His arms caught me like they always did, holding me so tightly against him that I could feel his heartbeat against my chest. I kissed him just as hard, trying to remind him that there was nothing in the world that could ruin the happiness I felt when he held me.

I held his face as the kiss ended, squishing his cheeks together and warping his smile in the process. I was just grateful that it was still there.

“And take your time talking to her, because I am fucking starving.” I instructed. The crisp hospital air on my skin was cold as he left, but inside my chest, butterflies erupted that kept me warm. He gave me one final goofy wave before we went our separate ways again.

As I wandered through the hospital halls, I wondered if he knew how nervous I actually was. I couldn’t tell him yet; he would misinterpret it, regardless of his profiling skills. He would see the anxiety in my interactions with her as my fear over his future mental state instead of what it really was— fear that the other woman he loved wouldn’t approve of me.

There was no sense in worrying about it yet. Diana and I had shared a great time together as far as I could tell, and I would definitely make sure that Spencer spent more time talking to her in the future. So as depressing as the hospital cafeteria could be, it wasn’t so bad that day.

—————————————————

Being alone with Diana was so much different after I’d learned that she was Spencer’s mother. Then again, we weren’t really alone - Spencer was there, he’d just passed out and somehow ended up with his head against the pillow on my lap. I was a little surprised by how comfortable he was being so touchy feely in front of his mother, but I’d also recognized the exhaustion the second he walked into the hospital. He’d been out cold for at least 10 minutes, and I was barely able to stay awake, myself.

Diana seemed wide awake, though, watching the minute rise and fall of Spencer’s shoulder as he slept. At least, I thought that was what she was watching, but it could have also been my hand stroking his arm.

“My son seems very happy.”

I looked up, shaken by the sudden sound after nearly falling asleep to the rhythm of Spencer’s breath against my knee. “I think that has more to do with you being here.” I said through a yawn.

“I’m not so sure.” That was all she said, quiet and skeptical. Her eyes were scrutinizing everything she could see, and I thanked the stars that I didn’t have to go through this without him here, at least. At least we’d had one nice memory together first.

“Are you the reason he’s been so busy?”

I was dreading the question but had already planned my response. “I hope not. His job is so stressful, and he spends so much of his free time taking care of me.” I looked down at the mop of brown hair that hadn’t been brushed.

When I ran my hand through the ends of his curls, he shifted on my lap, his hand coming up to grab my thigh as he buried his face into the pillow. I chuckled at the clingy movements, which poorly contrasted my words.

“It makes me feel awful.”

I expected her to look disappointed or disturbed by the action, but she mostly just looked… sad.

“He’s good at taking care of people.” She explained, her head jerking away to stare at the lamp beside her. “I made him do it too often.”

Her answer hurt me in more ways than one. It hurt me because I felt the guilt and shame in her voice over something that she had no control over, which was obviously something that should never happen. But it also hurt because I heard myself in it, and I had to ask myself if, just like I had found traits of my father in Spencer, he’d found his mother in me.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t be ashamed of being like her - she was brilliant and obviously cared for him deeply. It was the source of the shame that frightened me.

Was he just with me to take care of me? How soon would he grow tired of that? What would happen when I got better? Would I ever? Did I even want to, if that meant he would leave?

They were terrible, awful thoughts to have. So, I did what I was best at, and shoved them back into the corner of my mind to revisit when I was desperate and alone.

“I think he would disagree. He obviously loves you very much.” Was what I said, instead.

“I could say the same for you.” There was a slight bitterness in her words that forced a frown out of me. The words were forceful, almost like a compulsion that she wanted to fight but was too tired to win. She seemed to regret that, too.

“I know my son... and I’ve never seen him like this before.” She pointed to him on my lap, still sound asleep despite the conversation happening above him. “I don’t think he’s ever slept that well with me. And…”

Part of me wanted to tell her that it wasn’t always like this. I wanted her to know that it had nothing to do with any failing of her own, but a failing on the part of the rest of the world for hurting him when neither of us had been there. But she probably felt the same guilt I did that we couldn’t fix those broken parts. Her eyes met mine, and in the reflection, I saw both of our apprehension.

“I’ve never felt like a girl was taking my son away from me before.”

The breath wasn’t knocked from me, but it did fall out of me in a slow, shaky exhale. I didn’t know what to say back, terrified by the implication behind the words just as much as the fact she felt them.

“He’ll always be yours first.” I promised her, refusing to look away from her eyes even as she refused to meet them. I needed her to know that I would never be a threat to them. That all I wanted or cared about was that he was happy and safe, and that I knew she felt the same.

“Then he should call me more.” Diana said, wry humor bleeding back into the conversation despite how heavy it had become.

“I’ll make sure he does.” I answered, my hands resuming their gentle soothing motions. I saw her hand mimicking the actions against her blanket and found myself wondering about things I’d never ask her. I knew virtually nothing about his childhood aside from the prodigy thing, but it was clear that his father was not in the picture, and that he was very close with his mother.

I couldn’t blame her for wanting to protect him. Just as I had thought it, she’d said it herself.

“When you’re kind like my son, the world will eat you alive if no one is protecting you.”

Maybe Spencer had gotten that mind reading trait from his mother, rather than his profiler training, I thought.

“Are you going to protect him?”

I wasn’t ready for that question. Honestly, I hadn’t even considered it. In all the time we’d been together, I’d selfishly worried about how any harm to him would affect me. In my defense, it had always seemed the more likely scenario.

I was so worried about being the source of his hurt or not being able to fix it that I never thought about how I could prevent it. It almost felt… inevitable. Everyone who loved me got hurt, and he’d already made up his mind on that topic.

“I’m going to try.” The hesitance in my voice gave away my anxieties, and Diana spoke quicker and bolder.  

“You said he takes care of you, but what do you do for him?”

The walls were closing in on me, and I couldn’t fucking breathe. My hand on Spencer’s arm grabbed his shirt before I noticed. I wanted him to be awake, to hold me and tell me that it would be okay. I wanted to be far away from that conversation— that question.

“I-I…” I mumbled, trying to flatten my hand as his mother saw it, trying to act like I wasn’t a fucking child clinging to her boyfriend to save her from a question she didn’t have a satisfying answer to.

It was too late, and Diana covered her mouth as she looked away. “I see.” She said before we both went silent.

The silence didn’t help either, though. If anything, it felt worse. Like my chest had been torn open and she could see all the contents, and the longer I gave her to draw her own conclusions about what she saw, the worst they would become.

That was stupid, right? I couldn’t tell. She liked me, right? Did it matter?

“He told me he wants to get married and have kids and I’m just...” I started to ramble, my hands now hovering above Spencer as I stared down at him, still sleeping soundly like the world wasn’t crushing me above him. In a panic, I looked up to Diana with what I can only assume was a terrified, frantic look. “I’m worried. I’m scared that he won’t be as happy as he could be if he stays with me instead of... someone else. And that question scares me because I still don’t know why he cares about me so much when I can’t give him half of what he gives me.”

My chest heaved from a combination of the lack of breath and skyrocketing pulse. Diana peered at me through her peripherals, a battle visible behind her gaze.

“Most people would be scared to admit that. Especially to his mother.” She thought out loud, and I knew she was weighing my open admission to determine how likely it was that I was lying.

“I figured lying would be worse. I know honesty is important to your family.” I confessed, hoping that my openness wouldn’t come back to bite me in the ass. “I don’t ever want to lie to either of you.”

I left off the ‘again.’

“You know what I think?” Diana said, tapping her chin and readjusting the blanket over her legs as she found a way to be more comfortable with the tension floating in the air.

I took it as a good sign. I hoped it was a good sign. I looked at her in anticipation.

“I think... you two will be happier than you think.” Diana’s lips curled ever so slightly as she held her own hand, rubbing the back of her hand the same way Spencer often rubbed mine. “Love is more than similar beliefs. It’s wanting to share your life with someone. Wanting to see them happy.”

Despite the content of her words, it didn’t feel like a lecture. It was… warm, and comforting. Her voice sounded familiar and loving and safe. She was the one who had taught Spencer to talk.

“I love my son more than anything else in the world. I won’t let anyone take him away unless I’m positive that he will be happy.” Diana finished; the warning grave but her voice quiet.

“I understand.” I replied just as softly, finally looking back down to Spencer. My heart felt like it would burst from the image. As much as I wanted him to see me and his mother having a heart to heart, it was best not to worry him with our battling affections, no matter how minimal the risk.

“Do you love him?”

The question hung in the air because I was still so caught up in his face that I almost forgot she couldn’t read my mind.

“Yes.” I felt the tears forming in my eyes as I breathlessly repeated, “Yes, I do. I love him.”

Diana must have heard the strain in my voice and seen the tiredness in my eyes, because the threatening tone faded. “Then take care of him.” She said, more like a plea than a demand. “Take care of him like I never could, because you know how much he deserves it.”

I nodded, excitedly and happily, my voice breaking and interrupted by a hard swallow to rid myself of the lump in my throat when I said, “I will.”

With perfect timing, Spencer’s body jerked under my hand as it found its way back to his shoulder. “What are you guys talking about?” He slurred before even opening his eyes, clearly bothered by the lost time wherein his mother and I could have spoken about any number of horrifying things.

“We were just saying it’s time for me to head out.” I lied, and Diana’s sly smirk was enough of an indication for me to feel alright about it. It was funny—I’d just told her I never wanted to lie to him, but this one seemed pretty harmless. She deserved alone time with her son, after all.

“Do you want me to drive you?” He finally sat up, rubbing his face to try and get rid of the creases that had formed from the pillow’s texture.

I laughed at the question because he was so obviously not in a position to drive. It wouldn’t be the first time I’d gotten an Uber after leaving his place, and I was sure it wouldn’t be the last. At least this time wasn’t a walk of shame.

“No, I’m fine. You stay here and spend time with your mom. Awake, this time.” I warned, poking him on the nose and earning a playful giggle from the grown man at my side. “She came a long way. She deserves it.”

He quickly got me back, grabbing my face and pulling me forward to plant a kiss on my forehead. And as much as I would have preferred one on the lips, I was grateful for his sudden modesty in front of his mother. It still felt strange.

“Okay. I love you. Drive safe please. And tell me when you get home.” He instructed as I nodded along, already having memorized the speech from every time I’d ever left him.

“Of course.” I murmured through a somewhat embarrassed pout before I got up and grabbed my things.

Before I made my way to the door, I stopped, turning to see Spencer take the seat beside his mother. She took his hand, but she looked at me. I thought about hugging her but knew that Spencer’s company was far superior to mine, and that every second I distracted her was one less she got with him. So, I settled for a wave and a smile.

“Goodnight Diana. Thanks for the talk.”

“Goodnight.” She returned, with a contented smile washing over her as her son rested his head on her shoulder. The final image of the two of them happy in each other’s company was enough to satisfy me until the next time I saw him. Because, like we’d just discussed, he was happy, and that was all that mattered.

As I opened the door to leave, she spoke again. “Thank you.” She said, and I knew she was talking about more than the conversation.

“Anytime.”

—————————————————

| Part 19 |

1K notes · View notes

maxineswritingcenter · 3 years

Text

You Saved Me - Derek Hale x fem!reader

So, back in the day I wrote this story on Quotev. And it was one of my first stories that got into the popular section and I am really proud of it. The only problem is.... It was written in 2013, uber cringe-ville. If you wanna try to find it, be my guest but be warned: the main character is an OC, she has “I’m NoT lIkE oThEr GiRlS” syndrome and there are some weird ass love lines added in. So, I am reviving and rebranding that story so it may live a better life, like witness protection. Anyway, hope you enjoy

* I wrote it in first person just because I thought it would be easier to read

(Y/N)’s family is killed in a fire that seems to plague Beacon Hills, moving in with the Stilinski’s was bound to cause hijinks, but what happens when she gets involved with the the illusive Derek Hale?

TW: Kidnapping, some violence

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At first glance Beacon Hills seems like the perfect community. It wasn’t until later that I would realize that everything I ever knew was a lie.

I slowly slipped out of the front door and locked it behind me. Sneaking out wasn’t my usual schtick, but it was the last day of summer and for the first time I was going to live a little before starting to work at the Highschool as a volunteer coach for the lacrosse team. It was my first time ever sneaking out and just the idea of it made my heart pound, but the anxiety turned to adrenaline as I made my way out without either of my parents noticing. They were both incredibly heavy sleepers, there could be a parade outside their door and they wouldn’t wake up.

The party would mostly consist of most of the men’s and women’s lacrosse teams, and what would a lacrosse party be like without the team captain?

Walking down the sidewalk, I thought more about college. UCLA was a choice, or a community college too. Most kids would have gone straight after graduation, but I decided a year off would be good for me to de-stress. But honestly, I was just more afraid of the change. That and leaving my best friend, Stiles, behind was a little hard to fathom. We had known each other our whole lives. Another thing was…would he be okay? After losing his mom… who knows. But then there was also Michael. Michael was my boyfriend, and I loved being with him for the last four years. He really hadn’t mentioned plans for college, just working in the family business. What the family business was, I never knew.

About a block down the road is when I heard the howl. My instincts first go to fear, wolf in the darkness. But then logic comes in, there had not been wolves in California for decades. It was probably the neighbors husky.

The autumn chill had no mercy, whipping my hair into my eyes, I stopped on the corner of Fifth and Main, pulling my jacket closer and waited for the wind to pass. When it did, the figure in front of me made me gasp. But the shock subsided soon after.

“Mikey,” I sighed in relief, “Why’d ya sneak up on me like that? Almost gave me a heart attack. What are you doing out here?”

“Waiting for you.” He smiled. Ominous certainly, but this was probably just another one of his pranks.

“I guess so, I thought you said you weren’t going to the party.”

“We’re not.” That’s when a chill ran up my spine. Something wasn’t right, he wasn’t acting like himself. His goofy smile was gone and replaced by a dark looming presence that I wasn’t comfortable with. It was like he was a completely different person. I took a slow step back.

“Come on, this isn’t funny.” He said nothing, only matching my step going forward.

“Michael.” With every step I took back, he took one forward, matching my increasing pace. With no other choice in mind, I chose to run. But as my back was turned, he grabbed me by my middle with one arm and pressed a cloth to my mouth with the other. Without thinking, I breathed in, the chemicals in the cloth slowly numbing my senses and my body. I tried to fight the darkness entering my vision, but it was no use. I was done to my knees, Michael right behind me.

“Goodnight, (Y/N).” Were the last words I heard before the darkness took over.

“Sweetie, time to get up.” My mother’s voice rang in my ears.

“C’mon mom five more minutes…” I grumbled.

“(Y/N), you need to wake up.” Her voice is more urgent. I finally opened my eyes, seeing my mother, her body engulfed in flames.

“Wake up!”

My body jerked as I woke up, leading to soreness in my arms and legs as a few things became clear:

1. I was tied to a chair, and

2. I didn’t know where I was.

The events from last night slowly started coming back and nothing made any sense. Michael had never been controlling or abusive. Was I so blinded by the relationship that I hadn’t seen the signs? No, there were no signs. As far as I knew, Michael had no history of mental illness so something like dissociative identity disorder didn’t make sense and it wouldn’t explain the behavior either.

There was a bandana tied around my head, keeping me from any sort of speech. From the layout of the place, it looked like an apartment Michael had, but everything was different. There was a tack board hanging in the living room with so many pictures of myself and my parents, shots that looked like they were taken without us knowing. There were scrawlings but they were too scribble-like to make out.

The door opening brought my head to look towards the source. Michael walked in, shoving his phone into his back pocket.

“Well good afternoon, sleepy head.” He closed the door behind him and made his way over to the chair I was bound to.

“Alright, I’m gonna take the gag out but you can’t scream.” He smiled.

I nodded along. With one hand, he pulled the gag from my mouth.

“HELP! HELP ME!” I cried, hoping one of his neighbors would hear and call the police.

“Shut up!” He slapped me across the face, the stinging pain only added to my screaming for help.

“I said shut up!” He pulled a knife from his pocket, pressing the tip of the blade against my cheek. This new threat silences me, leaving me breathing heavily through my nose, tears making their way down my cheeks.

“See, was that so hard?” He stood up and made his way across the room to the box TV on his floor, “I’m sorry for the mess, but with all my planning I hadn’t had a chance. I’ve been planning a big surprise and it’s finally done.” I didn’t speak, only continued to watch his movements.

“I figure, even if you didn’t listen, you can still have your surprise.” He pressed the round power button on the screen and it fizzled to life.

“-the same arsonist on the loose? Coming back to breaking news, the second house fire in six years occurred in the early morning today. Firefighters were called out to the residence of (Y/D/N) and (Y/M/N) (Y/L/N) where their home had gone up in flames.” There was footage of my home up in flames, streams of water coming from the firemen below. “ Both (Y/D/N) and (Y/M/N) were found dead, seemingly from being crushed by a falling support beam in their basement. Their daughter, (Y/N), has not been found and is considered missing. If you have any information on her please call Beacon Hills police.” My photo came up on the screen.

My heart sunk into my stomach and my throat ached to scream and sob. Michael turned off the TV then and looked down at me.

“I’m surprised they found the bodies with how hot it was.” He said nonchalantly.

“Why are you doing this?” I whispered. My parents were the nicest people in the world and treated Michael like he was a part of the family, why would he do this?

”Don’t worry, (Y/N/N). It’s all a part of the plan.” He leaned down and pressed a kiss to my forehead.

“I’m gonna head to bed, been out all night. I’ll see you in a couple hours.” He made his way to her bedroom and closed the door behind him.

Finally, I completely broke down. Silent cries poured out. My parents were just gone in a puff of smoke. And all at the hands of someone we trusted. Someone that I trusted more than anything.

After the grief quickly came anger. I don’t know how or when, but I am getting the hell out of here.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Read part 2 here!

Likes, Comments, and reblogs are appreciated!

Message me comment to to added to the General Tag or the tag list for this series!

#teen wolf fic #derek hale #derek hale x reader #maxineswritingcenter

94 notes · View notes

callsignmuse · 2 years

Text

THE MYTHIC BITCHES

Season 2, Episode 2 - Don’t Leave

Cast: Sadie “Siren” Matthews, Bailey “Muse” Thompson, Phoenix, Rooster, Hangman, Bob

Warning: angsty

Summary: Rooster gets unfortunate news

Bailey “Muse” Thompson:

It happened on a Tuesday. It happened to be raining all day, my favorite weather. I loved to snuggle under covers and eat snacks while it fell. Maybe have a casual movie marathon or binge watch a favorite show of mine. Rooster should’ve been here by now. I picked up my phone getting ready to call him when the door to my room opened. He walked in very slowly. The entire mood changed. Normally he was unbelievably happy to see me but instead his face had a somber expression.

“I know that look Bradley Bradshaw.” I said through a wavering voice. My throat stung as I tried to hold back tears. He said nothing just looked at the ground. “How long?” I asked though I was afraid of the answer.

“Six weeks.” He stated simply. He finally met my gaze and that’s what broke me.

My lips began to quiver uncontrollably. “What am I going to do with you? You can’t leave. What- what- how do I? Where-? You can’t leave.” I couldn’t keep a single word or thought straight in my mind. I had officially shut down.

Rooster walked over to me and held me in his arms. My sobs filled the room.

“I leave tomorrow.” He mumbled against my hair. I never thought I’d need someone so badly before I met him. This was just a surprising for me as it was for him to see me in such a state. I sat myself back up and wiped the tears off of my face and smiled.

“Im good. Im fine Roos. Im fine. We have tonight. You go do your thing and come home safe to me yeah?” I tried to psych myself out. I could cry when he was gone. He didn’t need me to fall apart he needed me to be held together like a pair of book ends.

“I’m sorry Bailey.” He mumbled as he climbed into bed with me.

“Why are you sorry? It’s our job right? We don’t really have a say in the matter.” I understood it just sucked. I didn’t want to be away from him because we were finally in an good place. I felt like I could breathe when I was with him. I fell hard.

“Just hold me in your arms until morning.” I requested softly against his chest. It was late in the night now. He had come over far later than he said he would originally.

“Sorry I was late, I was packing.”

“It’s ok Roos. Can I know where you’re going?” I was hoping with all my might he could tell me.

“The Pacific. That’s all I know.” He said through a soft tone.

“I’ll call you every night.” I vowed through a yawn. Rooster chuckled and kissed the top of my head.

“Go to sleep Bailey. I’ll wake you before I go.”

That was the last thing I heard before black took over.

In the morning I woke to an empty end. I sat up and sighed. I pat the made side and heard a crinkle. I picked up the small piece of paper.

You looked so peaceful. I’ll call you by the time you wake up.

He left me Siren. They gave him a choice and I wasn’t good enough. He chose work over me.

True to his word within the two minutes I sat there reflecting on his words my phone began to buzz.

“Good morning beautiful.” His voice sounded upbeat for the time of the morning.

“I see you snuck out.”

He laughed on the other end.

“Bailey, I tried to wake you.” His voice came across clear and amused.

“I don’t believe you.”

“You we’re still snoring!” He was in a fit of laughter now.

“That’s usually tour job. Fine I’ll believe you.” I took a breath, “I’m sorry I couldn’t see you off.”

“It’s alright, I’ll see your beautiful face tonight when I video you.”

“Keep calling me beautiful!” I giggled.

“Hey Bradshaw it was nice of you to volunteer!”

“Wait you volunteered for this?!” I was seeing red.

“Yes, technically I did.”

“And you didn’t tell me?! You had all night to fucking tell me!” My voice rose now.

“I’m sorry Bailey, I needed to get a way for a bit.”

“Get away?! That’s the lamest excuse ever! Go to the fucking beach if you want to get away! Don’t bother calling me tonight. You are such an asshole Bradley Bradshaw!” I hung up immediately puffing out my chest.

“FUCK!” I screamed throwing my phone across the room.

Seconds later a knock was at my door.

“Sorry Siren, go back to sleep.” I apologized quickly dismissing her before she could see the mess I was in.

“What the hell happened? Where’s Rooster?” She sat down on his side of the bed releasing the smell of his cologne from the sheets. I closed my eyes tightly living in the scent.

“Siren, he left me. He- he actually left me. He had a choice and he didn’t choose me.” I stuttered.

“What are you talking about Bailey?”

“He left this morning for deployment. Six weeks. The Pacific. He chose work over me.” I bitterly spat.

“You don’t know that.” She tried to reassure me. I just shook my head in disbelief.

“Oh but I do. I just got off the phone with him and he told me as much.” Every one knew when I began to speak properly I was beyond angry. My English seemed to improve with rage.

“I’m not good enough for him anymore. I’m not good enough to stay.”

I wanted to collapse and cry but I couldn’t. Instead I was numb. I knew the hurt was there because it was unbearable I had to block it out entirely.

“Go back to Bobby Boy…I’ll be ok.” I told her thought I didn’t know if that was the truth. She could tell by the look on my face that I needed to be alone for the moment. She left hesitantly but closed the door leaving me in the darkness.

I closed my eyes once again willing myself to sleep it all away. Everyone made fun of defense mechanisms until they actually came in handy like right now.

An hour and a half later I was rudely awakened by someone bouncing on my bed.

“Bailey girl! What’s going on?”

I opened my eyes and frowned. “Why are you all in here?” I practically growled.

In front of me stood Jake Seresin, The Hangman himself. Next to him sitting on the bed was Coyote.

“Javy, Jake get the fuck out of here.” I sighed.

“No can do.” Coyote defiantly told me.

“Oh yeah?” I began to raise my voice.

“Oh yeah.” Bob said as he walked in with hot cup of coffee. I instantly melted and stood down. For some reason I could never raise my voice at that man.

“No fair sending him in here like that.” I complained.

“I knew it would work!” Siren said to Phoenix happily.

I threw my hands up!

“It’s like a fucking clown car in here! How many more people are going to crash into my bedroom? Not the one I want.” I bitterly commented. Jake grimaced once he heard my words.

“Don’t let him make you bitter.” Coyote warned.

“I’m trying. Look I appreciate all of you for caring but I just need Jake and Coyote for a second. They’ve known Bradley the longest.” I tried to explain or even think rationally I wasn’t sure which one I was doing. The room emptied and I finally let out my held breath.

“What do I even do now? He left me.” I shrugged.

“It’s going to sound crazy but it’s kind of a good thing he’s running. It’s what he always does.” Coyote began to say.

“What?” I tried to argue.

“Just listen, you know the damage Rooster has in his head. He runs when he gets in deep. He’s afraid to hurt you the way his mom hurt in front of him. He clearly still ended up hurting you and I’m not saying it’s right I’m saying he cares about so deeply he needed to run.”

I fell back onto the pillows.

“It makes no sense I know but he will come back to you. Until then you’re stuck with me.” Coyote grinned. I groaned.

I couldn’t sleep and I knew he would be awake. I grabbed my phone and texted the one person I knew would understand.

“Lucky me.” I moaned rolling over onto my side. My phone began to ring revealing Bradley’s name and a picture of him curled up in a blanket reading a book. I ignored it and was immediately met with a text.

Maverick

Give him time.

Yeah fuck that. Sorry Daddy Mav but Muse had some steam to blow off first.

5 notes · View notes

yamithediaperdork · 3 years

Text

My little brothers revenge, Part 2

Alex woke up Sunday morning and rubbed his eyes, trying to get the sleep out of his eyes and hearing the heavy snoring of his asshole big brother.

'Man, can't believe I conked out so bad!' He thought, now rubbing his arm across his chin and mouth to take care of any left over drool. 'I guess I must of been more tired then I thought..Ugh.. and Justin's been stinking up the room again in his sleep.'

Alex put his fingers to his nose, glaring over at his brother who was a well know toxic hazard in his sleep and as such normally got his own tent when the family went out camping.

Tossing his blanket back Alex froze as the smell not only got worse in the room, but it became clear WHAT the source of the stink was as he looked down and the shot swelled diaper around his waist.

'No way..no.freaking.way!' Alex thought as he blushed beet red.

he quickly glanced over at Justin who was thankfully still asleep and then slowly got up onto his hand sand knees and crawled backwards to get out of his bed, trying not to squish the mess around any worse and fighting back whimpers that might of woken Justin up.

There was NO way if Justin saw him in a shitty diaper that he'd ever let Alex live it down, and he could easily picture Justin 'accidentally' bringing it up around his friends or even at school.

getting his feet on the floor Alex found himself forced to do a cowboy walk of sorts from the bulk of his filled diaper and as quietly as he could he made his way to the door and out into the hall, praying to every deity he could think of that he was the first one awake since it was only 8:34 am and mom and dad liked to sleep in on Sundays.

Fate was not on his side however as he made his way towards the bathroom and saw that the door was closed. before he could even think of turning around and waddling back to his room the door opened and out stepped mom.

She appeared to of smelled Alex before spotting him from the way her nose wrinkled, then she looked eyes on him and her mouth twitched as if she was fighting the urge to smirk.

"Did somebody have a stinky accident?" She asked, sounding amused but coming over.

"I..I didn't mean to.." Alex whimpered and looked down, all sorts of shame flooding though his body and he was fighting back tears.

Instantly she went from amused to trying to comfort him, even if she winced as she knelt down in front of him and cupping his chin.

"Alex it's ok, accidents happen. this this goes to prove that you're not feeling so well. Maybe I'll let you stay home while I go and get you some more diapers later." She said in a soothing voice.

"I..Yeah Ok mommy." Alex said, feeling very much like a big baby as she then picked him up, hands under his armpits and carried him to the bathroom.

"I think maybe it's for the best you're gonna be in diapers all day today too. you wouldn't wanna have a poopie accident in your Captain America briefs right?" She asked.

This was NOT helping Alex feel better but he just nodded his head, kicking his legs a little.

"Uh..Uh..Mommy? I-I can clean myself up." he said as she carried him into the bathroom and stood him in the tub.

"I'm sure you could, but it'll go faster with my help and I don't think you want Justin seeing you like this." She said with a warm smile.

"I-I guess you got a point." Alex whimpered.

Oh yeah, he was gonna get revenge on his brother and prove who was the big baby in the house alright. right after his mom changed his dirty diaper.

'God, what have I done to piss you off so much?' he silently asked as his mom started to open his diaper.

One humiliating clean up and shower later and Alex was in a clean diaper and downstairs at the kitchen table, having some toast and tea. Normally Sunday's were a sausage and bacon filled feast if you waited long enough for Mom to get up but she had been wary about putting too much into Alex's system and asked him to go simple. Alex wasn't happy about it, but since Mom had put the plastic bag with his stinky diaper in the trunk of the car and promised to get rid of it away from the house he decided to humor her.

He was in just one of his Spider-man diapers and a loose Iron man t-shirt and kicking his legs softly at the table when Justin came down stair's with a grossed out look on his face, spotting Alex before he saw mom.

"Geez Alexandra, did you crap yourself or something? Our room friggen reeks!" He complained and then fully walked into the Kitchen and saw their mother standing there, NOT looking happy.

"Excuse me, but I thought your father and I talked about you calling Alex that name." She said in a less then amused tone.

"Er..well..See, Alex likes the nick name! Yeahhh, He said it just didn't feel right if I wasn't teasing him." Justin lied, Looking to Alex for back up.

"Alex is that true?" Mom asked.

"Yeah, Not at all. I've told him to quit it." Alex said smirking big time.

"i see. Justin, How would you like it if I called Justine or Jessica all day?" Mom asked, smirking now.

"..I wouldn't like it very much." Justin muttered and looked down at the floor now.

"Mmmhmm..So keep that in mind next time you get the urge to brat..I can always go and get you a adorable pretty princess lunch box and put Justine on the front of it and make you take it to school. Your father isn't the only one who can get creative with punishments."

Threat made Anne turned back to the kitchen counter and started on making Justin some breakfast.

"Y-You wouldn't!" Justin whined.

"Wanna try me? I'm already going to the store in a bit for more diapers for Alex." She said and smirked. "As is, I think you can have a nice toast and tea breakfast like your little brother. He's not feeling so good so you'll be watching him today."

"Ahhh moooom, I was gonna go hang out with Grizz and Rayne today!" Justin whined."I'm Sure Alex is a big enough boy he can look after himself! Or Dad can watch him!"

"Your father is going and helping Mr.Nilson build his deck today, But if you stay here I'll lift the TV ban so you two can play video games. Co-op only, I don't wanna come back to you both all mad at each other like what happens every single time you play a versus game."

Her point made the brothers both sulked as neither really wanted to be stuck with the others company.

Justin huffed his way though breakfast. between having to have buttered toast and tea instead of a meat explosion and being stuck with Alex all day he knew this was gonna suck all the balls, at least till he recalled his evil plan from last night and brightened up.

'Wait, no mom..no dad..and just me and the pamper butt. Oh yes yes yes yes yes! this is gonna work out great!' Justin thought and got a big silly grin on his face.

"Well, Somebody's cheered up after his tea." Mom teased.

"Oh yeah, I just had to wake up some more you know? I think I can have LOTS of fun with Alex today mom, so don't worry if you wanna take a bit." Justin said then added. "I know you like to drive around and it'll be nice for you not to have dad bugging you to hurry up or listening to me and Alex fighting."

"Well that's nice of you, though Alex is on his last two clean diapers so I really should hurry back." Mom said, giving Justin a half hug.

"oh nonsense! Alex is just gonna wear the diapers, It's not like he needs them mom, Right little bro?" Justin asked and smirked.

With Justin was being happy and helpful alarm bells were going off in Alex's head but there was nothing he could really say in argument of mom coming back sooner without tipping off he'd pooped himself earlier or making it sound like he needed his day time huggies. It was a catch 22 and Justin's look told Alex he knew it.

"yeah mom, I'll be ok..I'm sure me and Justin will have lots of fun." Alex said, trying to sound cheery.

Aside from not wanting to sound like he needed his diapers, he knew if he tried to whine to go with her or have her come back fast he'd also sound like a whinny little mama's boy.

"Well ok, If you boys are sure. I'll be heading out in a bit then, why don't you two leave the dishes for me and go and play some video games. And since you're both being good little guys for mommy." Anne smirked as both boys made a face at that. "You can both have 3 cans of soda each. Just try and spread them out."

the ugh faces turned into surprised smiles as mom was usually a stickler on the boys sticking to juice or water and she was always careful to keep a count on the can's of pop in the fridge.

Finishing up their light breakfast, the boys put their dishes in the sink and washed up a little then each one grabbed a can of cola out of the fridge and got a Blanket set out over the floor, well Alex got the blanket over the floor while Justin made sure the curtains were drawn shut.

Naturally normally Justin would of loved to of had the curtains wide open to show off his BABY brother but with mom still home he had to play nice.

Sides he wanted to try and draw Alex into a sense of relaxation before springing his super genius evil plan on him.

Alex wasn't falling for it for a second but went and fired up one of their rare co-op two player games (Since Justin wasn't a fan of retro games) and the boy's started to play, pausing only to wave bye to mom as she headed out, telling them that she'd be back in a hour or so, and to make sure dad woke up soon as he'd promised to be over helping with the deck bright and early.

They played in peace for about half a hour, with only cries of booya, eat it and the like coming out of their mouths and Justin giving Alex tips and for the most part they actually got along for a change.

That being said, all good things have to end and Justin never put his plan out of his mind, so when it was time to go and wake they're dad up he volunteered to do it while Alex took a much needed potty break.

Stopping by their room to grab Alex's phone Justin made a quick little call.

"Ngggh.. Yello?" came the groggy voice of Max.

"Heyyy max. how's it going?" Justin asked, keeping his voice down.

"Ngggh..Justin? what are you doing calling me?" the sleepy boy asked.

"Well Alex is kinda been missing you, and I was trying to set up a little surprise for him but getting you to come over and hang out with him." Justin said, grinning ear to ear.

"...OK who are you and what have you done with Justin?" Max asked, sounding suspicious.

"Hey, I can be a nice guy every now and then. but if you don't wanna come over finnnne." Justin huffed, mentally cursing just how well Max knew him.

"...Give me like 20 minutes or so to wake up and get some food in me." Max sighed on his end of the line.

"Ok the front door will be unlocked so just come in." Justin said and hung up.

with operation:show my brother baby butt off underway, Justin went off to go and wake up dad.

With dad being his normal cheery morning self (read: grumpy as fuck) Alex did his best to stay out of his way while he made himself a bacon and egg sandwich then grabbed his tool box and was out the door.

"I wonder he even offered to help if he was just gonna be this grumpy?" Alex asked Justin.

"Because there's free beer involved after the deck is built and you know mom won't let him bring any booze into the house." Justin said, oddly keeping a eye on the time.

"heh, you missing mom already or something?" Alex teased.

"Oh no, Just arranged a little surprise for you." Justin said and smirked.

As he smirked Alex felt a pang of fear go though him, the old Justin was back and he went to scramble up to his feet to get get away.

"ah ah ah, come here huggie butt." Justin taunted and grabbed onto Alex, tugging him down and into Justin's lap, pressing on his tummy.

Which had the effect of making Alex let out a massive fart.

"Dude! really? what are you, part skunk?" Justin asked, shoving Alex back out of his lap.

"M-Maybe!" Alex said, his tummy gurgling now and as he went to get up he ended up hunching over, anther fart coming out of him.

"Heh, Uh-oh, is widdle Alex gonna go poopie in his diapies?" Justin asked, smirking and getting up to block the path to the bathroom.

"J-Justin Nooo! I don't wanna poop my diapers again!" Alex whimper, hunched over and making his way over, yet anther fart coming out and that one was totally a wet one.

"Wait..ANTHER poopie diaper?" Justin asked, then it clicked. "Oh my god, you shit yourself in your sleep! Ahahaha! You really ARE a baby!"

"J-Justin Please! I'm begging you! Let me use the pot-" Alex started but then there was the sound of the front door opening and Alex was cut off by Max's voice.

"Allo allo! whats going..uh..on.." Max said, walking into view and looking at Alex in shock. "Uhhh.."

"M-Max!?! what are you doing here?!? I Uh..Oh god, Max don't loook!" Alex wailed.

Max was too shocked to look away though as Alex lost the battle with his bowels and the back of his diaper ballooned out as wave as wave of mush filled it, making the spider-man designs fade away and the formally white parts of the diaper go a ugly shade of brown.

With the back of the diaper being destroyed the front didn't get off easy either as Alex's bladder apparently didn't wanna be left out and he soaked the diaper even as he sank to his knees.

Balls up fists coming to his eyes and rubbing them as he started to bawl, Alex almost but not quite drowned out Max's million dollar question.

"Uhhh..what's going on here?"

The living room was filled with Alex's stink, but it was the smell of victory to Justin as he took in the scene with a sick joy. Alex was too busy bawling like the big baby he was to try and defend himself so Justin spoke up.

"Sorry about this Max, I tried to get baby Alex to cover up his diapers but he said he wanted you to see what a big baby he is an-" Justin started, but was cut off.

"Yeah, Bullshit. What's really going on here, Alex, did Justin make you wear a diaper?" Max asked, wincing as he moved over to comfort his friend.

'damn it! was hoping he'd fall for that. ah well, can't win'em all.' Justin thought.

Alex was still full on bawling though, and was just finishing up his dump and the diaper had amazingly held up.

"Alex..Alex buddy it's ok.. everyone has accidents." Max was saying and Justin rolled his eyes at that.

'just my luck, most boys his age would of started tormenting the fuck out of a pamper packer and I get the kind and understanding one.' Justin fumed.

"He's in all day diapers today because he went to sleep without putting one of his bed wetter pants on yesterday and wet the bed." Justin sighed. "And apparently if he's to believed he woke up stinky too."

"...Alex is this true?" Max asked.

Alex hiccuped and sniffled, calming down slightly now but he nodded.

"So..you knew his diapers were gonna be on display and invited me over..dude, your a asshole." Max said and glared at Justin.

"eh, Guilty as charged. but if you care soooo much about widdle Alex then you can get him cleaned up. Otherwise I'm gonna leave him to sit and stink." Justin said and shrugged, turning to leave.

"Sheesh.. brother of the year aren't you.. Where's his diapers?" Max asked helping Alex stand up and rubbing the poor guys back.

"In our room, I'll toss out what's left of them." Justin said then walked off leaving the stinky diaper boy and his little buddy to clean up.

For the second time this morning, Alex found himself doing a dirty diaper cowboy walk and heading for the bathroom, whimpering and saying sorry to Max over and over again.

"Hey, it's OK dude.. I should of known your brother was planning something when he invited me over. But Uh, I've known about your bed wetting for awhile." Max said, giving a sheepish grin.

"N-No you didn't, I'm super careful!" Alex whimpered.

they made it to the bathroom and Max had Alex stand with his legs spread and the trash bin in the bathroom under him as he undid the tapes and let the diaper plop down into the trashcan.

"yeahhh well about that.. you remember three weeks ago when we were playing Avengers in your room? you pack of Iron man diapers was sticking out from under your bed. When you weren't looking i pushed them back under with my foot." Max admitted, even as his face wrinkled in disgust.

"I..but..Noooo!" Alex whined babyishly.

Somehow this didn't change facts though.

"Look, we'll talk about it in a bit, you go and get in the shower, I'll go and get rid of the 'treasure'" Max said.

With no real choice in the matter, Alex nodded and made his way into the shower to go and get cleaned up.

'Pretty sad my best friend is more mature about this then my own brother..and Justin..your gonna pay!' Alex swore as he started the water.

After taking the plastic bag and putting it in the trash can outside, Max came back in and after opening some windows to air out the living room he made his way upstairs.Hearing the shower still running and found a pack of diaper with only two in it out front of the bathroom door.

the door to Justin and Alex's room was closed but since it didn't have a lock Max barged in anyways, finding Justin laying on his bed and reading a comic book.

"Can i help you?" Justin asked, a smirk on his face.

"That was a really shitty thing you just did to Alex, you know that right?" Max asked, hands on his hips.

"Cute choice of words there, and yeah, I'm a asshole and proud of it." Justin said.

"Yeah, well I'm gonna tell your parents what you did when they get back." Max shot back.

"Oh, cute idea. Let's tell them how Alex went and crapped his diapers when he has potty privileges and make it so he has to wear to school tomorrow. Of course I'll get grounded for inviting you over and showing off his diapers but who's really gonna come out on the short end of the deal here?" Justin asked.

Max blinked and tried to come up for a counter to that but just huffed and pouted.

"That's what I thought. If Mom asks when she gets back, Alex invited you over. I'll keep hush about the poopie diaper if you two little dweebs keep me out of trouble, deal?" Justin asked, going back to his comic book, clearly knowing he had the upper hand.

"..God your SUCH a asshole!" Max huffed and then stormed out.

Alex got out of the shower on his own and got himself diapered, then went and got a t-shirt (Hulk this time for the little avengers obsessed nerd) and a pair of black short's on over it before retreating down to the living room with Max, whining as Max told him about the deal Justin had offered.

"I don't know..he was suppose to shut up about the wet bed yesterday too and went back on it..and uh.. where did you put the..you know.." Alex asked huffing and squirming.

"Uh, out in the trash can on the side of the house. why?" Max asked.

"Because it's gonna be stinking up the block in no time and I'll get busted again for sure!" Alex whined.

"Well uh.. It's not like we can just go and ditch it in someone else's trash can you know." Max pointed out, rubbing the back of his head.

"Hmmm.." Alex said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully then snapped his fingers. "Hey! you know that old nature trail by here? the one that's hardly used anymore?"

"..Yesssss though I don't think I like where this is going." Max said.

"We'll take the stinky diaper and shovel out there, and bury it! by the time the trails popular again in the summer, no one will be able to smell it!" Alex said, beaming at his brilliant idea.

So excited with his 'brilliant plan' was he, that Alex actually started out of the room to head for the back yard to go and get the shovel.

"Alex, one second. You mighttttt wanna change into something baggier and with longer legs on it, those short's aren't really hiding your diaper butt." Max said with a small smirk.

Looking down and then looking at himself in a mirror Alex could see Max was right and gave a sheepish smile.

"Oh..yeah.. good call!" He said and then went to his dresser to find something a little more concealing.

Justin had of course by this time headed down stairs, not wanting to deal with Alex's 'toddler whining' ad he put it, and was playing a video game and drinking one of Alex's can's of soda since he had gone though his three.

Looking over as the pair went to go and get their shoes on he raised a eyebrow.

"And where are you two dweebs heading off too?" He asked then chuckled. "Awww, Is Max taking widdle Alex to da park ta pway?"

Alex growled but before he could speak up Max cut him off.

"Actually we're just gonna go and play on the old trail, go and dig some holes and the like. I figured that way if Alex has anther accident you won't have to smell it right away."

"Pffftt good thinking! did you pack a diaper bag for him then, hence the book bag?" Justin chuckled.

of course he couldn't of known that the pack pack was for holding the stinky diaper once they got it out of the trash, though he really didn't care anyways.

Alex meanwhile was blushing big time and huffing like a pouty toddler.

"Ayup, though hopefully it'll just be a wet diaper." Max said.

"pffft, ok. just be back soonish, Mom will wanna know where you are." Justin said and went back to his game.

Once they were outside Alex gave max a semi hard punch to the arm.

"what the heck was that all about! you sounded like you were on his side!" Alex huffed and glared.

"Uh, OW! and we didn't want him to know what we're really doing did we?" Max asked and then swatted Alex's padded backside, making a whumping sound.

"...You didn't have to be so believable." Alex huffed.

"oh I'm sorry, did you want him following us? knowing him he'd of tugged your pants off once you were on the trail and tossed them in a tree!" Max shot back.

the thought of being trapped in public with his diaper exposed made Alex blush and squirm, and let out a muffled fart of fear.

"Ah.. do you need, to go back inside and sit on the potty?" Max asked.

"NO!" Alex growled, then paused, and looked thoughtful and wiggled his butt a little, making Max have to bite his lip to keep from laughing.

"Yeah no, I'm good." Alex confirmed a few seconds later.

The adventure out to bury the treasure so to speak was uneventful, much as Alex had predicted the trail was dead this time of the year and the only hard part was digging into the semi solid earth, the shovel being almost too big for the either shorty to really use it so they had to take turns.

Coming back they were greeted in the driveway by Anne who was less then pleased to see Alex not only outside when she was still concerned he was sick, but that he was all dirty from playing in the dirt.

At least it worked out that she'd been home for about five minutes by that time so she'd already taken his new pack of diapers (Avengers print this time) to his room but still she gave Alex a mild scolding and sent Max home.

After that it was a day of just lazing around the house but Anne had also insisted on keeping a close eye on Alex so he hadn't been able to get enough alone time to e-mail Ben.

36 notes · View notes