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twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat · 7 months

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where you lead me, i’ll follow ; suguru geto

synopsis; opening up is hard, even under the comfort of a starry sky, seated next to your childhood friend. fortunately, suguru knows you like the back of his hand.

word count; 10k (dont even look at me i got carried away ok….)

contents; suguru geto/reader, gn!reader, mutual pining, childhood friends to lovers (eventually. probably.), hurt/comfort (mostly comfort tbh), fluffy overall!!, reader is silly and suguru is down horrendous, written with a no curses au in mind, i’m madly in love with suguru geto and it shows

a/n; nothing goes harder than sugu w/ the childhood friends trope i fear. the angst potential, the fluff potential….. the slow burn of it all……….. anyways can u tell i miss him :’3

time goes by so very quickly.

as you look up at the starry sky, the thought envelops you like a fuzzy tidal wave; heavy, suffocating, entirely unavoidable. these days, sinking beneath its weight is all you seem to do.

a sigh flows from your parted lips. soft and quiet, somewhat resigned. the midnight air tastes cold and crispy on your tongue, turning into a flurry of vapour as you breathe it out again, watching it dissipate into the summer night. beyond the boundary of your vision, stars burn in tandem. all you can see is the darkness of the cosmos, pupils dilating as you take in the immensity of the world, the little flickers of starlight that glimmer in that all-encompassing veil of black — blooming out across the galaxy.

the moon is beautiful, tonight.

a big blob of reflected sunlight, smiling down at you so very tenderly, so gorgeous that it makes your heart ache. shining with a hazy kind of brightness, soothing like the lilt of a mother’s voice.

and there’s a comfort, in the familiarity of the sight. because the moon is always, always there. always shining down on you, always when you need it most, even when it’s carved into a crescent or hidden by a blur of clouds. a view that never ever seems to change, no matter how many years go by.

what a lovely thing to be.

another second lost, as you gaze into the nothingness of space. time keeps passing you by, never stopping — seconds turning into minutes, minutes turning into months. that incessant moving of the hands of the clock; tick, tock, tick, tock. over and over again.

and, really, it’s a little bit scary. you think you might be terrified of time. you’re so afraid, afraid of being left behind, afraid that the world will turn its back on you and then walk away. afraid that everyone and everything will change shape before you know it.

but even in this always-changing, turbulent mess of a life —

one thing remains the same.

”ah. there you are.”

(that voice.)

honeyed and smooth, but still rough around the edges. just a little husky. deep and familiar, etched into your brain; even if you were to forget everything else, you’re sure you’d still remember it. that familiar, familiar voice. it sounds like moonlit nights, and sunkissed kitchens.

it sounds like coming home.

a turn of your head. it’s a subconscious reaction, as natural as the beating of your own heart, memorized down to the very marrow of your bones — muscle memory, to seek him out after hearing the low timbre of his voice. you do it as if it’s the only thing worth hearing.

and suguru is smiling, when your eyes meet his. that gentle upward tug of his lips, small yet sincere. the one that always puts your mind at ease.

a warmth settles in your chest, at the sight of him. hair down, cascading over his shoulders and back, a little messy; as black as the night sky. a stark contrast to the white of his shirt, old, oversized, with some indie band on the front.

his eyes glimmer like little pockets of stardust in the darkness of the night. cutting through the haze, into your very soul.

”… damn,” you click your tongue, faux pout playing at your lips. ”how’d you know i’d be up here?”

suguru shrugs. ”lucky guess,” he lies.

of course i knew, he thinks. finding you is his specialty. always has been. like that one time he found you hiding under a table at your twelfth birthday party, or the time he found you crying in the woods when you got lost on your school field trip.

finding you comes easy, to suguru. almost like he’s always seeking you out, subconsciously or otherwise, always paying attention to your movements. you go south, and he follows. you go north, and he’s already waiting up ahead.

he’s worried. just a bit, is what he tells himself, but truthfully it’s more than that. because tonight was supposed to be for you. for the both of you, a celebration of your shared graduation — but before he knew it, you had slipped away. seizing the opportunity as soon as people grew too sleepy to notice.

(sadly for you, no amount of fatigue could ever distract him from the lack of your presence.)

you look small, suguru thinks, curled up with your knees to your chest. sitting all alone up on the roof of his home, a place you’d always go to on nights when you couldn’t sleep. together, sharing whispered secrets and hushed laughter until the sun began to rise again.

back then, it felt like the two of you were the only ones awake in the whole world.

(the safest world he’s ever known.)

the distance between you grows narrower, as suguru makes his way over to you — and it always does, at the end of the day. no matter how much time you spend apart, that uncomfortable distance always, always ends up broached. one of you always moves closer. as if it’s unavoidable, two planets spinning around each other’s orbit.

suguru plops down right next to you, crossing his legs and leaning back. his knee bumps against the side of your shoe, and his shoulder grazes yours. it’s natural, as natural as the glow of the moon, this closeness between you. it reminds you of the gentle lapping of ocean waves at your bare ankles; on mellow summer days, comforting and familiar. a warmth that never goes away.

a brief inhale, and your heartbeat settles into a tender rhythm again. the scent that always lingers on suguru’s skin drifts throughout the air, mingling with your own — it can be hard to distinguish between the two, with how often you end up wearing each other’s clothes, but you could never mistake it for anything else. cedarwood and earl gray, with a hint of coconut-scented shampoo. enveloping every single one of your senses, grounding you in a way nothing else can.

leaning just a little closer to him, subconsciously, you let a fond exhale slip from your lips. barely audible. and suguru mimics it.

”of course i knew,” he whispers, voice gone soft. ”i know you.”

(your chest tightens. it doesn’t go away.)

another tiny breath flows into the air, as you gaze up at the stars in wonder. ”… yeah.”

the silence between you is a comfortable one. always has been. a little fickle, always shattered by one of you before long — usually you, though suguru isn’t much better.

but this time, he stays silent.

he’s waiting. you know he is, because he always does. he’s waiting, waiting for you to break the silence first. waiting for you to say something, tell him what’s wrong, explain why you’re up here instead of celebrating with the others. waiting for you to explain why your eyes have looked so tired, this past week.

(you’d like to ask him the same thing. he’s an idiot if he thinks a little makeup is enough to hide those dark circles from you.)

suguru is nothing if not patient. so he waits, unbothered by the silence. admiring the stars, and the flicker of their light. a vague worry simmers in his chest, however, and he can’t stop himself from glancing down at you every now and then.

an insatiable yearning to soothe you gnaws at his heart — but he can’t, not unless you let him.

a sigh drops from your lips, suddenly. deep and heavy, like a rock thrown into the depths of a lake. the silence breaks.

”hey, suguru.”

the man in question doesn’t speak, only emitting an inquisitive hum. he doesn’t look at you, either; a form of respect. knowing you’ll find it easier to get whatever’s bugging you off your chest without him scrutinizing you.

the pads of your fingers tap at the tiles of the roof. an absentminded habit, as you inhale a bit of the midnight air. it tastes like summer. ”do you remember how we first met?”

suguru glances at you, a surprised glint in his eyes. he can’t help himself — unable to resist the temptation of seeing your face, drinking in your expression.

then he chuckles.

”haha.. are you feeling sentimental?” he teases, a lighthearted sense of amusement in his voice. bubbling up like seafoam. ”did you come out here just to brood?”

the corners of his lips quirk up when he hears you huff, hugging your legs closer to your chest with a furrow of your brow. cheek squished against your kneecap as you meet his gaze.

”c’mon,” you whine, pouting childishly in a way you know will make him give in. ”just indulge me a little…”

suguru smiles. it’s soft around the edges, smoothed over with an unmistakable fondness — and he does indulge you. he always does. ”of course i do,” he assures you.

the silence that settles between your words is tender. a mutual understanding, of sorts.

of course i remember. how could i not?

”you broke into my backyard.”

a sigh. heavy and sharp, as it tumbles from your lips, and suguru has to bite back a grin. his eyes shine with something teasing, in the dark, when you shoot a glare his way.

”okay, first of all —” you begin, ”i didn’t break into anything. i climbed over the fence. peacefully.”

suguru raises a brow. ”that literally doesn’t matter? it’s still trespassing.”

”i was seven years old!”

”some criminals start young.”

another harmless little huff, as you halfheartedly try to sound annoyed. it doesn’t work. in an attempt to hide your growing smile, you tuck your face into your knees. ”whatever.”

then your gaze shifts. towards that expanding starry sky, the vibrant flicker of the moon, like a moth to a flame. helpless to its charms. it looks like a giant sponge cake, the kind you and suguru used to make when that was the only recipe you knew — you’d eat from the batter, and he’d scold you. then he’d do it too, when your back was turned.

a smile settles on your lips. in every star, you find a new memory; and the fuzzy nostalgia that engulfs you makes your heart feel bare. ”i just wanted to pet your cat,” you recall, softly.

suguru nods. gazing down at you, basking in the expression on your face — peaceful and relaxed, a little more yourself. so effortlessly pretty, bathed in moonlight. ”yeah. i remember.”

he allows the memory to sweep him away, for a second or two. recalling the sight of you, all those years ago, an unfamiliar child in his backyard. it was like you had just fallen out of the sky. quiet and meek, but looking at his cat with an excited glimmer in your eyes.

”you just pointed to her and expected me to understand,” he continues. a grin blooms on his face, hopelessly endeared. ”you were shy back then.”

a raise of your eyebrow. ”um? i’m still shy?”

suguru gives you a look. he doesn’t have to say anything — it’s written all over his face. the classic suguru look, the kind where you can tell he’s itching to say oh, really now? the kind where he tries to look judgemental, but never quite manages to hide the amusement in his eyes.

a small giggle leaves your lips, and suguru smiles, once more. so helpless in the face of your joy.

”then we watched movies at my place.”

you hum. ”it was fun.”

”yeah.”

another bout of silence. soft, terribly precious. the air is chilly, but not enough to make you shiver; a mild summer night, pleasant on your skin and light on your heart. a gentle breeze tousles your hair. in the distance, you hear cicadas buzzing — a familiar sound. unchanging.

(if only everything else could stay the same, too.)

”do you remember what movie it was?”

a lazy smile plays at suguru’s lips, when he angles his face to look at you. one eyebrow raised. ”is there a point to this, or —?”

”i just wanna reminisce.”

suguru pauses. your eyes trail across the view that stretches out before you, from the moon to the distant city lights, as you fidget absentmindedly with the strings of your hoodie. he thinks to himself that you look a little lost. gaze forgotten, within the depths of that endless night sky.

no more teasing, he decides, tactfully. instead, he opts to answer your question; softly, as if he could hurt you if he raised even a single octave of his voice. ”whisper of the heart,” is all he says.

a hum, as you nod. decisively. ”the best one.”

suguru turns his head away, and mutters something under his breath. but you can still hear him — and you know he wants you to.

”spirited away is the best one…”

out of the corner of your eye, you shoot him a thoroughly unimpressed look. he bites back a soft bout of laughter, teeth sinking into his lip gently, not enough to sting.

”you’re so basic,” you grin.

”you just want to feel quirky,” suguru shoots back, instantaneous. ”and you only like it because of seiji.”

”you only like spirited away because of haku!”

suguru closes his eyes, and leans back a little, crossing his arms in a childish fashion — and you know he only does it to make you laugh. ”i don’t know what you’re talking about,” he lies.

”oh please,” you scoff. ”you really think i don’t remember your queer awakening?”

”hm? what was that?” feigning confusion, he puts a hand to his ear. but there’s a mirth in his eyes, impossible to miss. ”you’re gonna have to come closer, i can’t hear you from here.”

another unimpressed look. you exhale, something in between a huff and a chuckle. ”if i get any closer i’ll be in your lap, dumbass.”

suguru bites his cheek, softly. gulping down the words that almost slip off his tongue.

(i wouldn’t mind.)

”sorry, say that again?”

a little push meets his shoulder, as you roll your eyes. ”yeah, yeah. whatever.”

the banter dies down, as fast as it appeared. then a smile breaks out across your faces, in tandem, the atmosphere shifting into something more sincere — and doesn’t it always, when you’re watching the starry sky with the one you love most?

when suguru continues, his voice has taken on that softer tone, again. the one he only ever really uses around you. ”i liked thinking of us as them,” he admits. ”me as haku, and you as chihiro.”

a soft blink. then your smile grows, sweet like syrup. ”.. hehe. that’s funny,” you cross your legs. palms flat against the roof, knee leaning comfortably against suguru’s. ”i always thought of us as seiji and shizuku.”

there’s something faraway, in your eyes. something suguru can’t look away from.

tentatively, his fingers dig into the skin of his palms, and he speaks. absentminded, a little uncertain.

”… they get married at the end, don’t they?”

a pause. then your gaze snaps over to suguru’s, suddenly mischievous — and he regrets opening his mouth.

”oh?” you purr, almost beaming. inching closer, like a predator sizing up their prey. ”oh shit? are you about to propose, mister geto?”

”i’m just stating facts,” he quips, hands raised in defense. desperately hoping you won’t notice the red tint crawling up his neck, obscured by the darkness of the night.

”incorrect facts,” you grin. if you notice the blush on his face, you don’t say anything. ”they get engaged. not married. big difference.”

suguru huffs. it’s small, as he tries to keep himself from smiling. the beating of his heart is faint, a tender rhythm, stirred by every move you make. he pushes the words he yearns to say back down his throat.

(i wouldn’t mind that, either.)

again, silence blooms. curling around the space between you. it feels nice, just to be like this; just you, and your very best friend, under the soft lighting of the moon. as if you’re the only ones who exist, in an otherwise empty universe — devoid of space and time. like the night could just stop, and stretch on forever.

there’s an unspoken question in the air, though. one suguru is still waiting for you to answer. one you refuse to answer properly, until he does the same.

you’ve both noticed, of course. even if no one else has, neither of you could ever miss it. suguru has noticed the turmoil in your eyes, and you’ve noticed the fatigue under his. those little signs of stress, as everything around you keeps spinning on; as the future grows closer, with every passing day.

(it’s overwhelming, you both muse.)

— and finally, you’ve had enough.

”suguru,” you call out, and his gaze finds yours instantly. ”have they been stressing you out, lately?”

suguru blinks, eyelashes fluttering softly. a little sleepy. they.

then he smiles. maybe a bit weak, but still as sincere as always — resigned to the fact that he really can’t hide anything from you, after all.

(of course you’d notice it. he was stupid to think you wouldn’t.)

a hum, as he breathes in the air and then exhales it all. trying to formulate the words inside his head, turn the feelings into syllables. and you’re patient. silent, as you admire the way moonlight caresses his skin.

”i’ll manage.” is what he finally says, and your lips curl down into a frown. ”they’ve just been getting on my case, again. you know how they are.”

suguru closes his eyes, and you inch closer to him. barely, by a hair, just to let him know you’re still listening. that you’re waiting for him to continue.

it’s tough, for him. opening up, being vulnerable.

but he knows you won’t do it unless he does, too. so he takes that leap, despite the insistent voice in his head urging him to just keep it to himself.

”it’s just… all these expectations, you know?” he meets your eyes, a little sheepish. downplaying his troubles so smoothly, as if you wouldn’t notice. ”i’m used to it by now, but sometimes i guess it still gets to me.”

you hum, and he continues.

”i feel like i have to be… solid,” he decides on. ”put-together. responsible, and mature.” a sigh, as he wrings his hands together. ”and that’s fine — but it’s like they have everything planned out. like everyone does. how i should act, where i should go…”

suguru gnaws at the flesh of his bottom lip, so focused on verbalizing his thoughts that he barely notices your fingers curling around his. but he still squeezes them, lightly. as naturally as breathing.

”it’s like my future’s already set in stone. and i’m just expected to follow it,” he looks up at the moon. ”which is also fine. i already know what i want to do. but somehow, all of it just feels so…”

he pauses. unsure of how to put it.

”… suffocating?” you finish for him.

there’s a second in which suguru can do nothing but breathe. as if frozen, stuck in motion, caught off guard by how deeply your minds are intertwined.

— what a wonderful thing, to have someone pluck the words you’re afraid to say from the back of your throat.

a smile blooms on his face, and a gratitude shines in his eyes. almost overflowing.

(you’ve always been the only one who ever seems to understand.)

”yeah,” he sighs, relieved. and suddenly his chest feels a lot lighter. odd, how just the tilt of your voice when you say a certain word can chase that discomforting sensation away.

”don’t listen to them,” you say, assuredly, so softly it’s like you’re coaxing him into believing you. it works. ”they don’t matter.”

suguru chuckles, rueful. ”they’re my parents.”

”so? they aren’t you.” you nudge his side with your elbow. ”they have no say in how you live your life. you don’t need to live up to all those expectations, you know.”

a soft little breath leaves your lips, and suguru wonders how you seem to always soothe his heart so easily. ”you just need to be suguru,” you mumble, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. ”that’s all.”

a moment passes. suguru parts his lips, closing them again when no sound comes out. and then finally, he speaks.

”… yeah,” he muses. ”maybe.”

”definitely,” you huff. ”trust your best friend. i know best.”

”careful,” he teases, tilting his head lazily to meet your gaze. ”you’re starting to sound like them.” the smile on his face only grows when you gape at him, wholly offended, as if you can’t believe what he just said.

”wha — suguru…” you whine, sleepy, clinging to the sleeve of his shirt. digging your nails into the fabric and tugging on it childishly. ”don’t say that. i’m nothing like them!”

a giggle pushes past his lips. ”sorry, sorry,” he soothes, ruffling your hair with his palm. rough hands, big and warm, that always seem to find their way to your skin. ”i’m just kidding. thank you. really.”

the smile that he gives you glows brighter than the moon. he squeezes your hand, softly — a silent i love you. eyes closed, formed into little crescents, and when he speaks he sounds so painfully sincere.

”i think i’ll be fine as long as i have you,” he says. it comes out sounding something like a prayer.

the words make your eyes soften. melting into a mellow hue, so full of affection that you can almost taste it on your tongue.

”everything will turn out fine,” you murmur, consoling him. still not letting go of his hand. ”you have your whole life ahead of you, you know.”

he chuckles. the sound would be sweet if it didn’t have that teasing tilt to it, the one that tells you his amusement is at your expense. ”now you’re starting to sound like my grandma,” he quips, as if itching for something to bicker about.

but you only pout, and let your fingers slip from his. the warmth that leaves you is so jarring that you’re almost tempted to take his hand into yours again — but you just frown at him. ”i can never win with you, huh?”

suguru shrugs. ”need to keep you humble,” he chirps, pulling at your cheek gently. a lazy grin on his lips. ”we don’t want that ego of yours to grow as big as satoru’s.”

trying to keep yourself from grinning with him, you slap his hand away, playfully. ”that would never happen.”

”uh-huh.”

you give him a look.

”my bad.”

a moment passes. gradually, you feel your heart beginning to melt — just a little, but enough to get your voice hopelessly soft on your tongue. the glimmer of the moon embraces every cell in your body, painting over your features with a certain kind of bleeding tenderness. it’s hard to stop it from seeping out.

”you know that i love you. right?” tumbles from your lips, breathed out into the sky, words too heavy to be held back. ”even if your parents give you trouble, and everyone else, too — i’m still on your side.”

”always,” you promise, devotedly earnest. meeting his gaze. and suguru can’t look away.

something flickers, in the depths of his eyes, like a shooting star. something delightful.

he doesn’t quite know what to say. but he nods; almost meek, in a way, and it makes your chest ache. suguru’s always been the type to keep his troubles to himself, content with never letting anyone see into his heart — even if he’d like them to deep down.

if you can be there for him, even just for a night, then that’s more than enough.

he lets the silence linger for a while longer, soft breathing and the rustling of grass filling the space where your words would be. then he looks at you with newfound determination, suddenly, eyes shining in a way you don’t recognize.

”— and you know that i love you, too.”

a moment passes.

an affirmative hum buzzes in your throat, and you give him the ghost of a nod, shying away from his deep gaze. hoping to escape the intimacy of the question. but he doesn’t let you, stare so heavy that you have no choice but to meet his eyes again, after he nudges your hand with his.

the words that fall from his lips surprise you. something akin to a pout plays on his lips, but it’s more serious than that — he looks dejected.

”… do you, though?” he pushes, a troubled frown on his lips. ”do you know that i love you? just as much as you love me?”

at your stunned silence, suguru sighs, bringing a hand up to smooth over the crease between his brows. ”sometimes i worry that you don’t,” he admits. ”you always think too much. but i don’t want you to ever have to worry about that.”

his voice is firm, when he continues. ”i don’t want you to ever second-guess my love for you,” he declares, and you cower a little under the intensity of his gaze. playing with your fingers instead of looking at him. ”— so i want your answer.”

when his hand finds its way to your face, you stiffen, just barely. but it’s soft, the way he cups your jaw; the warmth of his palm smoothing over your skin. gentle, as he forces you to meet his eyes, tilting your chin up slightly. a bold move, even though physical contact is no stranger in your dynamic. you feel your heart pick up in speed.

”do you know that i love you?” he asks, and it sounds almost pleading. you can only find it in you to stare.

suguru’s eyes are filled with something, something you’d like to call love. and they’re looking deep into yours, almost as if coaxing you into drowning in their hue. mesmerizing. ridiculously pretty. if you stare into them for too long, you fear that you might never be able to look away.

but they’re sweet, and warm. painted over with worried hue, something very kind. familiar. the same eyes that have soothed you for as long as you can remember.

in your flustered state, you can do nothing but blink dumbly — gaze darting from his eyes, to his forehead, to the sky, to his lips.

he can tell the eye contact makes you nervous, but some part of him won’t allow you to squirm away. this is important. he needs to know that you know. he doesn’t think he’ll be able to sleep at night, otherwise.

finally, you squeak out an affirmative yes. and that’s all it takes for him to relax; in one smooth motion, his hand leaves your skin, a relief having bloomed in his eyes.

”okay. that’s good,” he exhales.

swallowing down a gulp, your gaze drifts away from the boy to your left. suguru is terrifying, really — doing stuff like that out of nowhere. you check your pulsepoint, discreetly, just to make sure your heart is still beating.

”alright, then,” he suddenly proclaims, breaking the fleeting silence. ”your turn.”

a blink. your eyelashes flutter in confusion, as you gaze up at him, a question painted on your features. suguru glances at you out of the corner of his eye.

”you’ve been stressed, lately,” he remarks. stating the obvious so you don’t have to. with a soft gaze, eyes that shimmer with understanding. ”i can tell, you know?”

(yeah. he always can, can’t he?)

”… uh,” you croak. clearing your throat and attempting to gather your thoughts, hoping the words will find their way to your lips. ”well. i dunno, really...”

suguru emits a low, affirmative noise, not looking at you. opening up like this makes you feel so uncomfortable. but it’s suguru. you trust him. and you know he won’t let you get away from this, either; he’ll stay up all night if he has to. just waiting for you to put your faith in him.

a sigh leaves your lips, finally, and it comes out sounding just a tad exhausted. ”i… guess i’ve just been thinking, lately.”

and, really, it’s an understatement. thinking is all you’ve been doing, for these past few weeks. thinking of this, and of that. the past and the future. him and you.

suguru hums. an unspoken encouragement.

”everything is just so…” you move your hands, haphazardly, hoping they’ll make the words easier to say. but nothing comes to you. everything is all jumbled up, inside your mind, and it’s just —

”overwhelming,” you finish. the word falls off your tongue like a tidal wave. ”everything passes by so quickly, and…” you bite your lip. ”i feel like i can’t catch up. i can’t visualize the future at all, and that’s…”

(it’s scary.)

”— it just makes me feel confused.”

suguru waits. patient, attentive, making sure you get all the words out before he speaks. as grounding as the moon, as warm as the sun.

when you don’t elaborate further, avoiding his gaze, he opts to finally soothe you.

”that’s understandable,” he chimes, voice buzzing with care. ”you don’t have to think about the future right now. living in the present is enough,” a breeze drifts by, tousling his black hair. ”.. it’s for the best, really.”

a smile. it’s a little sad, as you wring your hands together. ”i know,” is all you can say. because you do. it just doesn’t change anything.

the sensation of your nails scraping against the tiles of the roof is discomforting, but you don’t stop. when you part your lips, your voice comes out tiny. barely above a whisper.

”i’m so afraid of change.”

suguru looks at you. his gaze softens, impeccably.

”everything keeps changing. all the time,” you bite into the flesh of your cheek, harshly. ”i hate it.”

”that’s understandable, too,” suguru soothes. tentative, as his hand goes to rest on your head, smoothing down your hair gently. ”change is unavoidable. but you get better at dealing with it.”

”mm, i know.”

”and some things stay the same, too.”

you glance up at him, and his eyes crinkle. there’s something unspeakable in them, something that’s always been there. light and heavy, all at once. something a little bit too wonderful for words.

suguru smiles. almost a little shy, as he looks into your eyes. ”like you and me.”

…

a deep love unfurls in your chest, warming you up from the inside out. fuzzy and tingly. but with it comes a deep sadness, bittersweet, that you can’t chase away no matter how hard you try; like a piece of gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe, no matter how many times you try to scrape it off against the concrete.

like you and me.

(he doesn’t know that’s what scares you the most. the thought of that one thing changing, while you just stand there, helpless to stop it.)

”yeah,” you breathe. a wounded little breath.

suguru notices it, despite your vague attempts to act like nothing’s wrong. he notices the fear in your voice, the uncertainty. and once again, he gets the impression that you look a little lost. like you aren’t sure where to plant your feet.

it bothers him. an itch he wants to scratch away. but before he can get to the bottom of it, you begin to speak, once more.

”with you, it’s like…” a breath flows from your lips, as you try to find the words. but this time, they come to you with relative ease. ”if i could do my life over again, and make everything turn out different… then i’d still always keep you.”

silence. you continue, suddenly a little embarrassed at the honesty in your tone. but it’s too late to back out now.

”and even if everything else changes, if i could pick just one single thing to keep — then it’d be you, too.” the smile on your face is small, a little sheepish. “that’s how it is, so…”

you trail off. not sure what else to say. suguru isn’t, either; he feels just a little bit stunned, in the face of your sincerity. yet he parts his lips, softly, words making themselves manifest before his mind can even begin to catch up.

”i don’t think i’ve ever told you this,” he begins, not entirely sure where the words will take him. blinking up at the sky, entranced, whilst you look at him quizzically. ”you always call me your guardian angel, right?”

the question makes your lips curl up. it’s a habit of yours, one that’s become almost muscle memory. you don’t remember how it started, but it’s in everything suguru does; from the way he can always tell when you’re feeling overwhelmed, to the way he never fails to bring you a coffee right before your exam starts.

suguru is always looking out for you, even when you’re apart. like a guardian angel. yours.

you nod. ”because you are.”

suguru smiles, breathing out a fond chuckle, and then shakes his head. ”it’s the opposite.”

you turn to the man beside you, and he’s already looking at you. with his pretty, soothing brown eyes, and the barely visible dark circles beneath them. his gaze is warm and fond, grateful in a way that makes your chest squeeze tight. you melt a little, under its weight.

”you’re my guardian angel,” he says, sickeningly sweet. ”always have been. even back then.”

inhaling the mild air, suguru lets his eyes flutter shut. the taste reminds him of the summer vacations you used to have as kids, when you would ride your bikes to the nearest river and play all day. stopping by any ice cream stand you found on the way there; you always took a bite out of his without asking, and he always tried to get angry at you. but he never could.

on your way back home, the sky was always dark. a soothing blue hue, stars glittering in the distance, while the moon looked close enough to touch. a night just like this one. you’d walk, together, talking about everything and nothing — sometimes he’d carry you on his back. not once did he drop you.

a breath, deep and drawn out as he exhales, basking in memories you aren’t privy to. a saccharine smile painted on his lips.

”without you…” he muses, voice a little breathless. fond, and somewhat helpless. but he’s smiling. ”i don’t really know what i’d do, to be honest.”

a moment passes.

”it’s the same for me,” you echo, words escaping your throat before you even get the chance to realize their weight. gaze stuck to the stars, as always. ”i can’t imagine life without you.”

suguru doesn’t speak, afraid that his heart may crawl out his throat if he does. the honeyed smile on his face says more than words ever could, anyway.

a small bout of laughter leaves your lips. sudden, sad, dripping with longing. it surprises you, catches you off guard — like something within you just overflowed.

“you know what my biggest fantasy was?” you grin, ruefully. maybe just a little manic. ”i used to think about it all the time, when we were kids.”

suguru looks at you in silence, but there’s a confusion in the way he tilts his head.

there seems to be a knot of some kind, stuck in the very bottom of your chest. something that makes it hard to speak. ”i’d get on a train, and just kinda… leave,” you breathe, hoping it’ll unclog your throat. it doesn’t. ”you know? to somewhere far, far away.”

and suddenly, the world grows just a little blurred. suguru can see it, in your eyes — you’re someplace else now. gaze trained on something he can’t see. there’s an amused touch to your voice, but also something rather pitiful. a childish wish that never came to fruition.

there’s regret, there, suguru thinks; something close to pain.

”maybe, like… a small port town,” you continue, closing your eyes. “with a cute little café close by, or whatever… somewhere you can see the sea.”

another breath. you pretend it tastes like salt, like an ocean breeze. then you swallow the lump in your throat, and whisper. ”with you.”

when you finally muster up the courage to meet suguru’s eyes, they shine with nothing but pure understanding. he doesn’t say anything, but he understands. he’s always been like that. not a single word is needed for him to ground you, the way a rock always meets the bottom when it’s thrown into the depths of a lake.

suguru’s comfort is as natural to you as the gravity that keeps the stars up in the sky.

the voice you’ve grown so used to hearing reaches your ears again, and it’s a low sound, a little raspy. but soft. achingly so, enough that you could almost miss it if you weren’t always so aware of every word that falls from his lips.

suguru looks up at the moon, in tandem with you, and lets the ghost of a smile show. ”… you know what my biggest fantasy was?”

his gaze is sincere, a little forlorn; hopelessly softened, as you meet his eyes. they’re painted over with something sweet, and something that looks just a little bit like regret.

a tilt of your head beckons him to continue, and the corners of his lips curl up further.

”running away with you,” he breathes. ”anywhere at all. wherever you wanted to go, i’d follow.”

for a moment or two, all you can do is stare.

you feel your lips part, but no sound comes out, nothing at all. suguru’s hair sways with the breeze, softly, and the light of the moon makes him look somewhat ethereal. like he could disappear if you blinked.

the silence that blooms in the space between your words is fragile. precious, if a little overwhelming, as it stretches out before you — growing heavier with every passing second. so tender that it makes you feel sick to your stomach, as if the sound of the wind whistling could shatter it into pieces.

(your heart aches, aches, aches.)

a weak laugh bubbles up from within your throat, something raw and tender hidden behind a veil of faux amusement. something vulnerable you're trying to cover up, like the glassiness of your eyes.

like a memory that never got to happen.

”what, so you’re saying we could’ve been by the seaside by now…?” you groan, forehead slumping against your knees with a bonk. ”what the hell, dude…”

suguru lets out a chuckle, resting his jaw on the heel of his palm and looking down at you with a smile on his face. one that reaches his eyes, glimmering with something akin to starlight.

”we can still go there,” he consoles you, reaching over to tousle your hair with a palpable softness. ”to the seaside, i mean. i’ll take you.”

for a while, you don’t say anything. a pout plays at your lips, as you attempt to get your emotions under control.

then you lean back, to lie down flat on the roof. the movement is so sudden that it stings a little when the back of your head meets the tiles, and you wince — a soft but exasperated murmur of careful comes from the boy on your left.

your elbows go to cushion your head, as you take in the immenseness of the sky. ”alright, then,” you hum. ”take me there sometime soon.”

suguru blinks. then his lips curl up. ”got it,” he chirps. mentally mapping out a nice spot, trying to remember the timetables at your local train station.

(next week, maybe. a picnic by the sea. he’ll make those sandwiches that you like.)

then he follows your lead, and goes to lie down on his back. right by your side, so close he can smell the fading scent of your shampoo, curled up right next to you. breathing out a sigh as he takes in the night sky in all its glory.

there’s something tender, in the air. something that doesn’t need words. a kind of comfortable silence that you’ve learned to treasure, whenever suguru is with you.

so you simply stare at the dark veil over the city, in tandem with him — a pitch-black blanket sewn with stardust.

everything expands, before your very eyes; an infinite cosmos, with all the light you could ever want. the stars blink down at you, as if saying hello, mapping out the galaxy. you try to find the constellations you’re familiar with, the ones suguru have taught you about in the past, but nothing really comes to you.

it’s nice, though. just staring at the stars in wonder.

an exhale, as you breathe in, and then out. you part your lips to whisper, breaking the sleepy silence.

”the stars are so pretty….”

suguru hums, the sound buzzing right by your ear. a soothing summer lullaby, that only you get to hear. ”yeah,” he whispers back.

a moment passes.

then you both part your lips to speak; smoothly, in a fashion that would be embarrassing if you didn’t feel so terribly safe in each other’s company. simultaneous, as the sentence tumbles from your throats.

”and so are you.”

silence. the seconds stretch on, and on. everything goes quiet.

you’re the first one to burst into laughter — deep, the kind that comes from the very bottom of your stomach. almost wheezing, as you try to catch your breath, arms snug around your shaking body. suguru follows close behind, trying to contain his laughter, but you can hear his little chuckles clear as day.

”eww, what the fuck?” you grin, shifting to lie on your side so you can get a good look at his face. ”you’re so corny!”

suguru snorts. ”i heard you say it too, dumbass.”

a little giggle flows from your lips, and you slump against his shoulder, still trying to control your breathing. suguru curls an arms around your midriff, bringing you closer. muscle memory, to make it more comfortable for you.

”haah…..”

the smile on your face shines brighter than the stars, suguru thinks, looking at you with a bleeding kind of fondness. as if you’re the only thing worth looking at.

”i hope things stay like this forever.”

the light of the moon shines down on the roof, bouncing off the white of your teeth. your canines shine in the dark as you grin, youthful — but there’s a sadness in your eyes, now. one that suguru will never fail to notice.

(one he’ll always yearn to smooth away, the same way his thumb always goes to wipe at any stray eyelashes on your skin, or crumbs at the corner of your mouth. muscle memory.)

”they will,” he assures you, reaching over to find your hand. enveloping it in his bigger one, cradling it, linking your fingers together and squeezing them softly. ”i’ll make sure that they do.”

a chuckle leaves your lips, but suguru thinks it sounds a little meek. like you still don’t believe him.

”i mean it,” he reiterates. more serious this time.

”i know,” you grin. ”but, i mean —”

a moment passes, and then your grin falters. ”you can’t promise that, though.” the expression on your face seems sort of pained, now, troubled by something. ”maybe we’ll move away from each other, or just drift apart, or —”

”that would never happen to us —”

”maybe you’ll meet someone.”

…

”a nice guy, or girl…” a sigh, as you run a hand through your hair. ”and then you’ll… i dunno. get married, i guess. and then eventually you’ll have kids, and buy a house, and —”

a pause. in a smaller voice, you continue. almost childlike. ”you’ll leave me behind.”

suguru bites back a scoff. it takes concentrated effort. he turns to look at you, but you won’t meet his gaze, and a frown finds its way to his lips. ”… do you honestly think that’s what i want?”

another moment passes you by. more seconds lost, never to return. ”… isn’t it?”

suguru sighs, a little exasperated. maybe just a little hurt, too. ”marriage and kids aside…” he mutters, burning holes into your skin with his steadfast gaze. determined, self-assured. the tilt of his voice leaves no room for doubt. ”there’s only one person i love.”

resisting the temptation to keep your eyes away from him becomes nearly impossible — so you let your gaze trail over, and take him in. in all his glory, silky black hair framing his face, a soft look painted over his features. looking at you as if you matter, as if nothing matters except for you.

and again, something breaks out across the scope of his iris, a shooting star you don’t know what to do with. he looks so hopelessly sincere.

for a second, all you can do is stare.

then you nod, solemnly. ”satoru, right?” you hum. ”you’re gonna break my heart if you keep bringing him up when we’re together, sugu.”

you don’t need to see his face to know that he’s giving you that unimpressed look, again. the suguru look. he rolls his eyes, and you bite your cheek to stop yourself from smiling.

”i love him too, but that’s different,” he huffs.

”how so?” you prod, eyes crinkling. but there’s something a little meek about the question. he notices it, of course, because what doesn’t suguru notice?

something soft curls around his features, and a hum buzzes in his throat. a heavy tenderness bleeds into his voice. ”i wouldn’t die for satoru,” he says, simply.

a moment passes.

”… you totally would.”

”huh?” suguru blinks. ”no, of course not. are you insane?”

”suguru,” you sigh. ”you are literally the most self-sacrificial bitch i’ve ever met —”

”well, obviously i’d take a bullet or two, but —”

”what do you mean obviously —”

”— you’re the only person i’d die for.”

suguru is smiling, now. amused, sincere. almost on the verge of laughter, the sweet and soft kind that always turns your heart into a puddle. his eyes almost seem to glimmer, in the night, and it’s all you can see for a while. as you try to gather your thoughts, get the right words out.

”… always so dramatic,” you murmur, at last, a little gruff. his smile grows. you shift a little more, lying on your side to face him with a serious expression. ”don’t tell satoru that, okay? he already has it out for me. at this rate he’ll kill me and steal you away.”

a chuckle rumbles through his chest, deep and fond. you continue, a frown tugging at your lips. ”… and i wouldn’t want you to die for me, anyway.”

suguru lets a giggle slip, a bit too sleepy to hold it back. ”mm, i know. but if it ever came down to it, then i still would.” he shifts, too, lying on his side to face you properly.

”to me,” he exhales, and he’s so close you can smell the mint off his breath — ”as long as you’re by my side, i can make it through absolutely anything.”

the smile on his face is boyish. all teeth and crow’s feet, blooming in the light of the moon, a flower just for you. it’s perfect, you think. you don’t want a single day to pass without you seeing it.

”me too,” you mumble, linking your pinkies together. a silent promise. ”so don’t die. ever.”

suguru’s eyes soften.

then he hums, absentmindedly. ”… well. i mean,” he clicks his tongue. ”eventually i will. that’s not really something i have a say in.”

a roll of your eyes. ”alright, smartass,” you scoff, and suguru’s eyes crinkle with humour. ”just don’t die before i do, then.”

a hand comes to touch your skin. and it’s sudden, warm, but you don’t flinch away. suguru smooths over your cheek with the back of his hand, seemingly unable to stop himself. soothing, as he exhales a soft breath.

”… i think i’d prefer that to the alternative, honestly,” he admits.

you furrow your brows, softly. a part of you wants to protest, to call him a selfish prick — for even thinking the thought of leaving you behind without a best friend.

but something in you knows he won’t budge, on this one.

(it’s childish, in a way. stubborn, for him to take a joking conversation so seriously. but suguru doesn’t think he could even jokingly suggest that he’d survive without you.)

”seriously, though,” his voice takes on a firmer tone. ”i wouldn’t leave you behind like that. it’s us we’re talking about. you and me.”

he says the words like they’re undeniable — because they are. there is no him without you. that’s always been the case, hasn’t it?

suguru stops to think. do you not feel the same? there’s still a crease between your brows, a sign of worry that’s impossible to dismiss. he can’t help but wonder just how long you’ve been thinking about this; how many nights have you spent sleepless, thinking of the future? of the possibility that it entails your parting?

(the thought makes him feel a little bit nauseous.)

”are you afraid that we’ll grow apart?” he asks, into the haze of the summer night. it resounds in the air around you, softly spoken, gentle but coaxing. almost pleading you to open up to him.

and it’s a stupid question, really.

of course you are. it’s the only thought that really scares you.

time moves so, so fast — always leaving you behind. who’s to say that suguru won’t do the same? that he won’t be taken away from you, swept away by that flow? into the future, while you stay glued to the past — stuck on the roof of your childhood, while he moves on to better things?

the night sky is infinite. sometimes, on nights that are a little too long, when your mind has grown a little too muddled, you think of suguru as a star in that sky. blinking down at you, while you can do nothing but watch. hopelessly out of reach.

gaze trailing down to rest on suguru’s collarbone, you swallow the lump in your throat. a little too vulnerable to feel comfortable with looking into his eyes, afraid of what you’ll see in them.

but he’s patient. waiting, always waiting, for you to catch up. for as long as it takes.

”… of course i am,” you mutter, at last. a weak little thing. farther down the street, a car swooshes by, drowning the sound — but suguru still hears it clear as day. ”i mean, it’s just…”

a meek intake of breath. you blink, desperate to chase away the glassiness forming in your eyes. trying to grasp control over your wavering voice. ”even if you say that we won’t… it’s not like there’s any guarantee. you can’t know for sure.”

suguru wants to stop you, right there. wants to ensure you that he does know, that it’s the only thing he’ll ever know for sure. just that one fact; you and him. never one without the other.

wherever you’d go, he’d follow — that’s how it’s always been. that’s all he’ll ever need.

but he knows you. knows you better than he knows himself. and he knows that he needs to let you speak freely, without interruption, until you’ve gotten every last worry off your chest.

so he settles for simply looking at you, curled up and biting his lip to stop himself from speaking. wishing he could smooth away the moisture in your eyes, already — but the tears need to fall first. he knows it’ll make you feel better.

”i love you,” you whisper, and suguru’s heart claws its way up his throat. ”i love you, and i want to be with you forever — but…” a shaky inhale. ”but i can’t get rid of that fear. the idea of losing you… i just can’t deal with it.”

”don’t you think i feel exactly the same?” he cuts in, softly.

a beat. you glance up at his face, for a split second, and then back down to his collarbone. a little fragile, curling into yourself as if hiding. ”i don’t know,” you sigh.

(suguru’s heart breaks.)

”i know that you love me too, and all. and i trust you. but…” you trail off, swallowing thickly. ”you already have your future planned out, and everything. maybe i just… don’t have a place in it.”

suguru scoffs, unable to bite back the sound any longer. it’s soft, but frustrated. ”there’ll always be a place for you in my future,” he vows. ”i wouldn’t accept anything less.”

you cower a little, under the warmth of his gaze. sweet, but stern. so distinctly suguru that it makes you falter.

”besides,” he clicks his tongue. ”i don’t need to follow the future that’s been planned out for me. i just need to be suguru.” a warm smile. ”right?”

at the sound of your own words, a light flush blooms on your skin. but for once, suguru isn’t teasing you.

”and you just need to be you,” he continues, arm still wrapped around your midriff. trailing up slowly, so that his hand can smooth over the back of your head. ”that’s all.”

”as long as both of us do that — we’ll always be together.” he looks into your eyes, and you think you spot a constellation inside his iris. ”won’t we?”

another moment of silence, the familiar comfort that settles between you. there’s no pressure to continue — but you do so, anyway. muddled mind still spinning, worried about this and that, despite suguru’s soothing words.

a part of you can’t put your faith in that kind of future. one where the two of you are together, that you could envision so clearly when you were younger — when him and you was all that you knew for certain. it’s not as simple as it was back then.

(but another part of you desperately yearns for him to prove you wrong.)

”… but,” you mumble, shaky. ”what if it’s not that easy?” a chuckle pushes past your lips, humourless. ”i mean, you can’t possibly… always stay by my side, you know?”

there’s something childish, in the way you say it. like you’re still kids, and you’re whining for him not to leave you behind. selfish, in a way.

what right do you have to chain him to you?

suguru emits a hum. his eyelids flutter shut, for a few seconds — and then he opens them again.

”… alright,” he drawls. ”let’s make a promise, then.”

confused, you glance up at him. he just smiles — responsible, dependable. your very best friend.

”have i ever broken a promise i made to you?” he asks, and you pause.

”… no,” you answer, hesitant. voice still a tad meek, a little helpless.

(and it’s true. not once has he broken one. when suguru makes a promise, he keeps it. you’ve always, always admired that about him.)

”right?” he grins, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. admiring your moon-lit features. ”so let’s do it.”

a frown tugs at your lips. furrowing your brows at him, your voice flows out, uncertain. ”promise… what, exactly?”

the moon glows, big and bright. hanging in the sky, a beacon of light, the same as it’s always been. suguru thinks you look radiant, under its illumination — even though you’re nervous, and a little teary eyed. just a single glance at your expression is enough to make his heartbeat soften.

you look like what home feels like.

he could never bear to let that go, to let you go. his very best friend; the one thing in his past he has no qualms about. the one thing in his future worth hanging onto, cherishing fully. no matter what.

suguru parts his lips, smiling. he links your hands together. ”keep being you,” he implores, steadfast. ”and stay by my side.”

a moment passes.

something crumbles, inside your chest. unable to break away from his gaze, all you can do is fall deeper into the hue of his eyes, crinkling softly — in the same way they always have. he squeezes your palm in his, tightly. a silent promise not to let you go.

— and then you realize something. the same realization that always comes to you, at the end of the day.

the man in front of you is just the same as the boy you met, all those years ago. the same boy who saw you climb over his fence, and let you pet his cat, and watched whisper of the heart with you even though he wanted to start with ponyo instead.

the same boy, always the same boy, no matter how much time passes. even though he’s all grown up now, features more defined. voice deeper and huskier. hands larger, with rougher skin.

he’s changed, just like you have — but he’s still just suguru. just that cool, sweet boy. a dorky guy who never, ever lets you fall too far behind.

a tremendous softness seeps through your veins. a kind of love, old and matured, carefully nurtured. the blinks you indulge in are slow, and your eyes shine with tears. it’s overwhelming, seeing him so up close, but you still can’t look away. he’s so beautiful it hurts.

”suguru…” is all you can sniffle, meekly.

your best friend is still smiling, fondly. wrapped up in you, as close as he can be. a familiar warmth, like a big fuzzy blanket draped over your shoulders; smelling of cedarwood and earl gray, and just a hint of coconut-scented shampoo. tailor-made just for you.

suguru never breaks his promises.

”but… you can’t,” you croak out, gasping as if searching for air. ”you don’t know if —”

”i do,” he cuts you off, gently. ”i do know.”

a breathless inhale of air, as you grasp tighter onto his nimble fingers. you feel meek, lost. not sure where to put your hands, or what to believe. ”how?” you ask, terribly fragile.

suguru takes a deep breath. oxygen enters his lungs, exiting as he breathes out. a soft flicker of life. his thumb goes to wipe away the stray tear that trickles down your cheek, his touch delicate. and then comes his response.

”— because i need you the way i need air.”

and, really, it’s a sappy thing to say. a little pretentious. he’d feel embarrassed if it wasn’t for the soft flicker of the moon, the intimacy of the moment. he simply couldn’t bear not to tell you the truth — even if you end up bringing it up tomorrow, just to tease him. he can deal with a little embarrassment, every once in a while. just for you.

fortunately for him, no thoughts of teasing run through your mind. maybe if you were in a better headspace, a little less of a wreck, you could muster the will to make fun of him a little. who do you think you are, shakespeare? i knew i shouldn’t have lent you that copy of romeo and juliet. — something light and amused, just to distract him from the rapid beating of your heart.

but right now…

all you can do is take a deep breath. and you think you understand what he means, when that breath of life courses through your lungs.

”i’ll never leave you behind,” he continues, words so very self-assured that it leaves you reeling. rubbing comforting circles into the skin of your palm, without thinking. muscle memory. ”can you trust me on that?”

connected to his gaze, you stumble for something to say. anything.

but then he smiles, again. that familiar, familiar smile. as soothing as a mother’s caress. and only one single word makes it past your lips.

”… okay.”

you do trust him. more than anyone else in the world. so you take that leap, no matter how frightening it is —

and the world narrows down to just the two of you.

just you, and him, in this one single moment. illuminated by the light of the moon, lying side by side and looking into each other’s eyes, on a roof you always find yourselves at one way or another. laughing and sharing secrets until the sun begins to rise; a silent promise that needs no words.

(the promise of tomorrow. a summer that never quite seems to end.)

suguru cups your cheek. his touch buzzes with warmth, trickling down his wrist and through his veins — and you melt into his palm, eyes fluttering shut instinctively. the sight makes the corners of his lips curl up, hopelessly.

leaning close, he plants a kiss on your cheek. delicate, tender; his lips against your skin, a silent whisper of i love you. fervent, full of devotion. of a love that’s as steady as the sea.

”i’ll always, always be by your side,” suguru repeats, like a mantra. hoping you’ll feel his conviction through the whisper. ”you’ll always have me to fall back on. i promise.”

a little smile breaks out across your lips, meek and teary. as fragile as a sheet of glass, but still persisting in the dead of night. your voice wavers, as you raise your pinkie, right in front of his stupidly pretty face.

”pinkie promise?”

it’s a childish gesture. something to lighten the mood a little, make it all easier to chew. you expect him to roll his eyes, or raise an eyebrow, or tease you a bit. but he doesn’t.

instead, suguru raises his own pinkie, and curls it around yours. then he smiles. sweet and boyish, painted over with a rosy, tender nostalgia.

”— pinkie promise.”

and you believe him.

you believe him, because suguru has a way of making you do so, even when he has no idea what the hell he’s talking about. with that confident tilt of his voice, that makes it sound like he has all the answers in the universe — that flicker of genuine faith, in every word that falls from his lips, that tells you he truly does believe in them.

you believe him, because suguru is the only person in the world who’s never once broken a promise he made to you. not a single time. and some part of you suspects that if he ever did, he really would be okay with you cutting his pinkie off. a little frightening, the depths of his devotion. the pure loyalty that courses through his veins.

so you believe him.

you believe him because he’s suguru. and, just like you can't exist without him, he can't exist without you. never one without the other.

on instinct, you inch a little closer, wrapping your arms around his waist and squeezing him extra tight. face hidden away in the crook of his neck, just like you used to do when you were kids. he’s bigger now, harder to properly embrace — but still so very, very warm.

and he squeezes you back, just as tight. comforting and grounding, and so, so secure. tugging you closer, like he needs to have you near to properly breathe. like he needs to feel that you’re there to relax, melting into the hug with a soft sigh. relieved, that you’re still with him. relieved at the promise that you always will be.

wherever you go, he’ll follow. to the roof of his home, to the seaside, to the ends of the earth. the same way every star in the sky orbits around the center of the galaxy, endlessly, before burning out into the night.

the smell of cedarwood and earl gray floods your senses, filling your lungs as you nuzzle into his neck. he’s warm, and soft, and your very best friend.

you close your eyes. indulging in his body heat, every familiar sensation that’s been etched into your bones for as long as you can remember. and you can tell he’s doing the same — breathing you in, arms resting securely around your back, pressing his cheek against the top of your head.

and maybe it’s true, after all. maybe suguru really does need you, just as much as you need him.

and maybe that’s all you really need to know.

the moon rests in the sky. smiling down at you, unchanging. a living proof that some things really do stay the same.

— you hug suguru tighter, and decide that his presence is proof enough.

#suguru geto my bicoded princess…#he could fix me.#sugu is suchhh a ghibli boy u cant convince me otherwise. his fave movies are spirited away and porco rosso #(and ponyo but hes a lil embarrassed to say it LOL… he was obsessed w sea animals as a kid. <3 now im just making stuff up but im right)#physically incapable of writing for suguru without giving him a silly reader…. unbeatable dynamic #i have other sugu childhood friends fics planned but some r. Angstier than others #geto suguru x reader #geto suguru #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #geto fluff #jjk fluff #jujutsu kaisen fluff #geto suguru x you #geto hurt/comfort #geto angst #geto x reader #geto x you

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berryblosom · 6 months

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PET NAMES 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪

EREN: babygirl, My love

It is very rare that Eren uses your name, he always calls you babygirl no matter where you are. You've gotten so used to it now to the point you turn around when anyone says it thinking it's your boyfriend behind you. "Mornin babygirl." Eren greets you with a back hug in the early hours of the morning. You can see from the reflection in bathroom mirror that his long hair is a complete mess and that hes still asleep on your shoulder. "Good morning Ren, what you want for breakfast." He lifts his head off your shoulder and turns you around by your hips, soap was all over your face but that didn't stop Eren from pecking your lips until you had to push him off you "Anything you want. I don't mind." You swipe the back of your hand on his lips getting the soap off and smile up at your boyfriend. "Pancakes sound good?" He nods while leaving the bathroom. "Of coure babygirl."

When Eren is in trouble he know that calling your babygirl will not slide and will end up with him crying in the corner. He's always been erratic and hot headed which you didn't mind. It was nice to calm him down when he gets a little riled up, it showed you that he can trust and listen to you when he's in the wrong. However this time not even a tornado spinning towards him could've stopped Eren from beating the crap out of a guy who slapped your ass while the two of you were on a date. The guy was drunk and it normally wouldn't go past Eren yelling every curse word under the sun while you pull him away but the drunk man just had to run his mouth resulting in you driving home with a sulking baby beside you. "I don't get why you're mad at me, I was protecting you." He huffs resting his head against the window. "Which I appreciate but you went too far and you got hurt.” Your fingers lightly brush against his cheek, it was turning a nasty shade of purple and looked very painful. Eren leans into your touch understanding why you're upset "m'sorry my love, kiss it better for me will ya?" You chuckle at how easily his mood changed. "Nice try Ren."

Reiner: Beautiful, Angel

Reiner doesn't go a day without calling you beautiful wether as a pet name or just admiring you while you do mundane things. Recently you've been feeling a little down, worrying about your body and how you look. It normally didn't bother you but after a dress you purchased didn't quite fit it ruined your mood a little.

The door to your apartment opens up shaking you from your thoughts, you put the dress back in its bag and quickly run to greet your boyfriend. "Welcome home Rei.” You wrap your arms around his shoulders and pull him in for a kiss as usual. It was your favourite part of the day when Reiner comes home. "How's my beautiful girl?" Your shrug your shoulders telling him you were fine. This made him worry, his favourite part of the day was coming home to your stories of what you did, even if it was just watching tv. "What wrong?" He hooks his arm under your legs swooping you up with ease and leads you to the bedroom.

"Nothing really, I was just think I might need to start a diet." He softly plops you on the bed his brows furrowed in confusion "why you’re beautiful as you are." You giggle scratching the stubble on his chin. "You say that cause you love me." He shrugs his shoulders. "True but it's more, your kind, thoughtful and most importantly healthy that's what makes you beautiful. You do not need to diet.” Your heart swells at his words and your couldn't help but attack him with kisses "I love you too Rei."

Reiner couldn't believe it when you agreed to be his girlfriend and still two years later he thinks your an angel that came from above just for him. He calls you his angel and he is your protector. However when a guy follows you home one night when he wasn't there he felt like the opposite. You assured Reiner that you were fine and that the man walked away when you alerted the security in your building but that didn't stop him from letting his thoughts spiral. "Reiner baby can you help me." You couldn't reach the plates on the top cabinet which annoyed you to no end, you try once more to reach them but your hand slips sending one of the plates flying down onto the floor.

"Y/N what happened?" Reiner comes running out of the bedroom when he hears the crash and your little yelp. He sees the broken glass and immediately rushes to put you on the counter away from it. "What were you thinking you should've waited for me!" You flinched a little, Reiner has never raised his voice to you and it honestly suprised you.

"I thought I had it Rei, l'm sorry." You voice wavers a little which just shatters his heart. He checks you for any cuts and lets out a sigh of relief when he doesn't find any. "I didn't mean to yell angel I was just worried." He kisses the inside of your palms travelling up to the crook of your neck. You could feel his body shaking and he couldn't seem to look into your eyes. "It was just a little glass Reiner, I'm fine promise." You lift his chin and his beautiful hazel eyes meet your own "Im sorry I wasn't there when that creep followed you home, l'm sorry I couldn't protect you." You pull in his shivering body for a hug letting him nuzzle against your chest. "Oh big guy that's why you've been glued to my hip all week. You were visiting you mother Reiner it wasn't your fault." He pulls away looking down at you, even on the counter your couldn't match Reiners height. "I know but-" "But nothing. You protect me all the time, I always feel safe with you." You kiss his nose and jump off the counter away from the glass "will you help me clean this up?" He smiles once again questioning if you're actually an Angel sent to love him "Anything for you angel."

Porco: Babe, Love

Porco isn't too big on pet names opting instead for your name but there are times when he calls you babe. Especially when someone gets a little too close to you and his usual sharp glare isn't enough to ward them off and remind people who you belong to. "Hey babe." Porco appears out of thin air behind where you sat talking to a friend from class. His first instinct is to place a kiss on your cheek while glaring at the poor guy trying to avoid eye contact.

"This guy bothering you?" He questions with a raised brow and a protective arm around your shoulder. You send a quick apologetic look to your friend who looked quite ready to pass out under your boyfriend gaze. "No this is my friend from class." You get up from your seat taking Porcos hand in yours "I'lI see you later." You wave good bye to your friend and lead your boyfriend away from the campus and towards the parking lot. "You don't have to do that every time you see me talking to a guy." You words where laced with annoyance but the soft grip you had on your boyfriend hand indicated to him you weren't that pissed. "Sorry I can't help it." You get to your car and lean against the door, Porcos protectiveness was sweet but when he drives away any friend you make that's when you have to step in. "Is there someone in that big head of yours telling you I want anyone else, hmm?" He looks down in shame deciding to ignore your comment on his head. "No there's not." He mumbles. You take his other hand in your gently stroking his knuckles. "Then why do you act like l'm gonna get snatched up by some guy." You wrap both of his hands around your waist and he immediately pulls you into a hug. "I-I still think you're too good for me, I guess l'm waiting for you to find someone better." You gasp lightly genuinely shocked that your boyfriend had these thoughts.

"I could never leave you, you have no idea how much I love you." Your grip round his shoulder tightened almost chocking him. "I love you too babe."

Porco calls you love in the comfort of the apartment the two of your share, constantly being teased by Pieck about how whipped he is for you was honestly bringing him closer to wringing her neck. You normally spent your weekends alone doing some chores while waiting from you boyfriend to come back from work but today he took the day off to stay cuddled in bed with you tightly wrapped in his arms. "Pock baby we need to get up." He groans at the nickname you picked up from Pieck, it's horrible but he hates it a little less coming from you. "Not yet love, just a couple more minutes." His lips softly kiss the crook of your neck and you almost fall for the tricks he pulls when he wants to get his way.

"I'm hungry let's get up and eat then we can come back." You attempt to get up but are pulled back within seconds. His legs come over yours trapping and stopping you from making a move.

"Just a little more time, please." He pleads and tries to kiss you again but you don't let him, he huffs and removes his legs from yours but his arms were still circling. "You're lucky I love you." You warn him getting comfortable again. "I know love, I know."

Jean: cupcake, doll

Jean is totally and completely obsessed with you, in a good way. He's so in love and doesn't want to go even a second without you. It's great to have a boyfriend so sweet but at times maybe he's a little too sweet.

"Just one more."

You push his face away from yours with your hand. Jean came home 30 minutes ago and hasn't left your side, he's been planting kisses on any exposed skin which was a lot since you were just wearing a top and shorts. "Jean please I need to cook, go get changed at least."

Your efforts were ignored and soon you were placed on the kitchen island with your boyfriend glued to your torso "can't get enough of ya cupcake." He comes up to your face softly biting your cheek. "Jean stoop, what's gotten into you today?" Jean is a little clingy which never bothers you, you love it when he wants to spend time wrapped up in your arms but when you're trying to get things done and he's all over you it make you wanna kick his ass. "I just missed you so much. Is that a crime?" You laugh and pull him back a little so he could see your face "well im holding a cleaver and you won't let me cook so It just might turn into a crime." Your boyfriend ignores your threats to kill him and sneaks in three more kisses before running off giggling like a child.

It is almost impossible for Jean to be upset or angry with you, he's either quick to forgive or genuinely can't see when you're in the wrong because he's love blind. However that changed today when you told Jean you met with an ex, he was actually getting married and you bumped into eachother and talked for a little while. Jean trusts you completely but didn't believe that your obsessed ex moved on that quickly.

"Jean will you just listen to me, I swear it was just a short chat. He's getting married soon."

You try to reach out for him but he keeps turning which you did not like, when you were upset having Jean just touch you made you feel better but the fact he wouldn't let you do the same hurt you.

"I trust you but not him, the guy was crazy obsessed with you." You sigh and finally succeeded in trapping him in your bedroom so you could talk properly.

"Youre crazy obsessed with me." Your boyfriend doesn't find you point amusing. "In a healthy way doll, I love you but I do not own you. He didn't get that and that's why you broke up remember." You look down at your feet, you couldn't stand Jean being upset with you. When you broke up with your ex you were scared to fall in love again but then Jean came and changed everything. You understand why he wasn't happy you were alone with your ex. "I'm sorry my love, can you come here now?" Jean wasted no time in taking you into his arms. He hated the way he acted but just wanted to make sure you were safe. "I'm sorry too doll, I just love you so much." You smile into his chest "I love you too jean-boy." This earns you a pinch on the hip. Jean hated that nickname.

Bertholdt: princess, sweetheart

Your relationship with Bertholdt is still pretty fresh but you decided that it was time you took it a little further and the two of you moved in together. Bertholdt is shy and it took a while for any intimacy to form so when you woke up and found him snuggled up so close to you your heart almost explodes. You gently trace the features of your boyfriends face with your finger until he wakes up, you curse yourself for ruining such a sweet moment.

"I'm sorry did I suffocate you?" Bertholdt is much much larger than you are but he's so gentle that you were sure it was impossible for him to hurt you. "Of course not Bertie, you were just so cute I couldn't help myself." His cheeks and ears turn an adorable shade of pink when you call him cute. "Please don't call me cute sweetheart." He wanted to be strong for you, he's often described as soft and timid but he doesn't want to be that way with you. "Sorry I forgot you hate that.” You prop yourself up on one elbow while you massage your boyfriends scalp. "I don't hate it." He mumbles quietly. "I just want you to think l'm strong. We live together now and I have to provide for you." You swoon when he looks up at you with his big brown eyes. "You don't have to anything my prince, just stay here with me." You get comfortable on top of your boyfriend who was still a blushing mess "I-I will."

Bertholdt is surprised when he comes home to a dark living room. It been three years since he first asked you to be his girlfriend and now the two of you are engaged. You usually stay up to wait for him or put on candles to light up the room if you've gone to sleep.

Bertholdt sheds his extra layers of clothing and quickly makes it into your room where he finds you laying on the bed facing away from the door. He wasn't as stealthy as he thought he was because the second his knee touched the bed you were up and looking around in the dark. "It's just me, calm down princess" the wave of fear quickly washes away when your fiancés hands come to your face. "Welcome home Bertie." You were exhausted, wedding planning was not easy plus you started your period so all of that piled together made you go to sleep earlier than usual.

"What's wrong?" You loved that he could tell that you were slightly off without even seeing you. "Nothing I'm just a little tired, it's been busy." Bertholdt feels bad for not being able to help today but you didn't mind and so you pull him down to cuddle before he gets into his own head too much. "I'm fine baby I promise, I just want your hugs." Your instantly squished against his chest and relished in the feeling of his hands travelling up your shirt to caress your skin. After three years together he's become more comfortable and confident in touching you. "You can have whatever you want princess."

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mochalate · 4 months

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Porco Galliard grows up in the Warrior programme; where they teach him how to run, how to fight, and how to kill. They also teach him military strategy, and the history of the Marleyan empire. They make sure he knows the geography of the country as well as he knows the back of his own hand.

And then, inexplicably, they also teach him a not insignificant amount of literature— an attempt to civilise the beastly Eldians they’re training, he figures.

What he learns from the very oldest of the stories they make him read, is that there are no happy endings for love that transgresses.

The girl with the shawl who dyed the once-white mulberry red with her blood, because she tried to run away with a boy that her parents forbade her to see. The beautiful noblewoman, cast into hell, because she found the love she didn’t have for her husband in his brother.

He even knows the stories from farther east, of the woman who drowned— no, who was murdered, by her mother-in-law— desperately trying to reach her real love by the light of the moon. Who swam knowing she was drowning, because her love made her want to try to beat the odds.

She didn't. No one ever did.

Why did he think he would be an exception?

Maybe every time he met you under the moonlight, every night he turned back to look at you, he doomed you a little more. Maybe that's why your fate is to be here in his arms, life bleeding out of you, and still with only his name, and your love for him, on your lips.

Porco knows the cursed blood of a cursed race runs through him. He knew how this story would end, he always did. But when he feels the feeble squeeze of your hand in his, he once again thinks of the girl who bled into the earth, the burning noblewoman, and the woman fighting against the waves.

He thinks of the moment they must have realised they couldn't change the ending.

He wonders if they didn't regret their love either, if they also thought that given a second chance, they would do it again.

This was supposed to be a much smaller teaser for my fic precipice; but my love for tragic ill-fated romance got the best of me. If you like the sound of forbidden romance, fighting to stay together against the odds, and defending the little private world you create with your love, then you should give it a try ❤️

#porco galliard x reader #porco x reader #snk x reader #aot x reader #angst #amber i know i said i was going to sleep but as i said #it got away from me #my fic #snk precipice

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quills-of-freedom · 1 year

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Crossroads

Chapter III & IV

Tag-List 🐙

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Chapter I Chapter II

Unlike the previous chapter, your choice here will affect your ending. So be prepared.

Warnings: Smut. Violence. Angst. 18+ only, please.

Chapter III

Old Friends

Regardless of the drama that had taken place the night before, you had returned to your room to find Eren sitting on your bed, having returned to your abode. The both of you had time to cool off, the smouldering flames of tempers flickering down into now-just smoking coals.

You had both apologised, best friends shouldn't really be arguing like this, after all. You explained how you weren't ready for anything with Eren, at least, not yet. He understood and you both fell asleep as he held you in his arms. If you weren't ready for anything else, then so be it. He just took in the moment as you softly breathed in your slumber, your warm back pressed against his bare chest.

Waking up and feeling the cold, empty bed beside you was dejecting and deflating, the sour taste of disappointment is tainting your mouth, as you sit up gauging the empty room. The sunlight beaming through your window told you that Eren had taken the time to open the drapes before he left. It also told you that you slept way longer than you had been supposed to.

As you hurriedly get washed and changed, you notice a small, handwritten note on top of the polished clothes chest.

It's all for us.

Your brow wrinkles at the words, wondering what he meant by that, and why he'd left so early in the first place.

Eren had been one for riddles as of late, which was beyond annoying. He'd grown into a pretty stoic man, although if you knew him well enough, you could easily recognise that fiery temper still lay underneath the cold mask. It was always incomprehensible, to say the least, what was ever going through that mind of his at any given time.

The irony of how opposite his façade now, from when he was younger, wasn't lost on you as you quickly dress and leave your room, locking the door behind you. Back then, you wouldn't need to wonder what was on his mind, because that big mouth of his would spew it out anyway, getting him into trouble.

You weren't sure which version of him you preferred. Both seemed to be a huge pain in the ass.

Being in such a rush in leaving your room, you didn't even notice the figure looming by the side of your door as you turn your back to head towards the stairs.

"Hey." A familiar voice floated. "I finally found you."

Your movements freeze, your pupils dilating as your body switches instantly into flight or flight. You'd recognise those vocals anywhere, and it wasn't good news.

"Oh, hey." You feign a small smile as you turn to look at potentially the second most dangerous man in town right now, second only to Eren.

"Been looking for you all morning. You're not usually one to sleep in so late." Floch frowns, his acting skills of concern laughable.

"What do you want, Floch?" You ask, your eyes focusing on any sudden movements he may make.

Floch's growing influence over this rebellion was extending at an alarming rate, and if there's one thing you've learned from events over the years, is that too much power given to the wrong hands speaks disaster for anyone within the fallout range. His actions lately have been erratic, and out of character and you'd wondered if Shiganshina broke him - he shouldn't even be alive right now.

"What do I want?" He repeated your words. "I want you to stay away from Eren."

Your head flickers left to right, then back to Floch; searching for whether this was a weird joke and Eren was watching from nearby, or looking for where the fuck Floch gets his audacity from.

"I don't quite follow." You settle with as a response.

"Keep your whore legs closed, and away from Eren."

"Excu-"

Before you could even gather up the necessary rage, he'd pulled out a dagger, pressing the blade harshly against your cheek. His hand tightened around your neck as he holds you against your door.

Your eyes flitter around, someone, anyone should be walking around here, it's the barracks after all.

"I don't think your friends are going to help you." He frowns, pushing the blade a little further into your cheek, now drawing blood.

You whimper in pain, your thoughts still not really catching up with the situation. Maybe because you'd not long gotten out of bed. Or maybe, your mind refused to believe Floch Forster from cadets, the one who would break into tears if he was pushed too hard, was now threatening your life.

"Your friends have been arrested. The chain of command is now broken, we're winning. The only reason you're not behind bars is because Eren specifically told me not to. But hear this... y/n. If you so much as think about getting in the way, or interfering with our plan, I will not hesitate to kill you."

"Eren would kill you himself if you harmed any of his friends." You reply, breathless as if you'd just ran a marathon.

"Maybe. But your stupid little minds... all of you. Can't comprehend what he's doing for us. Don't you see?! He is going to lead us all to freedom. Why can't you understand this?!"

You don't reply. You don't really know what to say. You feel the warm trickling of blood now flowing down your cheek.

"Unlike you and your little crew, I know this is bigger than me. If he kills me for assuring the plan runs smoothly, then so be it."

"Where are the others?" You mutter.

Floch can see the fury behind your orbs - although your face is calm, he can feel the bloodlust that was beginning to simmer seep out of your entirety.

He begins to squeeze your neck. "I don't see why you need to know where they are, considering you'll be staying well away, right? Don't go trying any heroics now - if you all behave and fall into line, no one will get hurt. This is the new order of things so you'd better get used to it."

You wheeze as he lets go of your windpipe, coughing while he takes a step back, replacing his knife into his belt, hiding it with his military coat.

"It's always so good to see an old friend." He mutters as you hold your sore neck.

He turns on his heel and makes for the stairs. "Don't think I'm joking." He calls as he walks. "I will kill anyone who gets in the way."

As you regain your breath, you wondered if this were actually a weird dream and you were still asleep in the arms of Eren. But as the seconds click by, you're pretty convinced now that it was, in fact, the reality right now.

What are you up to now, Eren?

You and your friends had always supported him - even his attack on Liberio. Why would he want them locked away?

Unless...It was to keep them safe? Maybe?

You hear the loud bang of the front door to the sleeping quarters slam as Floch leaves the building.

What is going on?!

How you wished your captain were here right now. Levi would know what to do, and certainly, no one would be getting arrested if he were around.

But he wasn't.

He was away, babysitting Zeke somewhere.

It was all up to you, once again. And the first thing you do is the opposite to what Floch warned you not to do.

Interfere.

You hum to yourself in small amusement as you head back into your room. You were chastising Eren's previous juvenile behaviour only moments ago, and yet here you are, risking your life for your friends.

Because you knew, they'd do the same for you.

The plan?

You weren't sure yet. But as you grab your own dagger from your top drawer, you gaze down at the note that was still laying upon the wood.

It's all for us.

"Please, don't do anything stupid..." You whisper, half to yourself, half hoping that somehow Eren would telepathically pick up on your advice.

Wishful thinking. It's Eren, after all.

The bustling marketplace of Trost sounded the same as it did most mornings. Loud calls of fishmongers, merchants of trinkets and meat trying to sell their wares were heard over the nonsense chatter of the townsfolk, trying to do their morning shop. "Fresh fish for sale!"

"Fifty percent off all materials, they must go!"

Porco tried to drown out the noise as he steadied his breathing. He always got wound up before a mission, always ready to leap into action when needed. And he is most certainly about to be needed.

Hands within the pockets of his military coat, he fiddles with his fingers trying his darned hardest to not look too suspicious as he awaits the signal to initiate the plan.

"Mom, can we get that really nice butter cream again? It tasted so good last time!" "No, sweetheart not this time. That was a treat." "Aw --."

"Didn't you say he was married?" "Mhm, I sure did. And he's going around saying things like this to Mabel." "No ~!"

"Sixty pounds for how much?" "I know, that was my reaction too -"

Closing his eyes, Porco tuned out the various conversations that were passing him by on the street.

These people don't seem much different to folks back home.

It bothered him slightly; so far he'd not witnessed any cruelty or acts of violence as he was prepared to witness the horror of the islands of devils. But surely, it was happening, right? Somewhere?

Just stay focused on the plan. Magath is going to cause a distraction, and I run in and grab Pieck. God, out of the two of us, why did she get taken? She was the most convincing.

They'd only been within the town for a total of seven hours, split up for two. It was lucky he'd seen her being marched to jail by two of those Jaegerists. How she managed to slip up and get captured was something he'd have to ask her when he got her out of there.

Porco didn't even know what the distraction was going to be, only that it was big and was planned to be blamed on either the Jeagerists or the previous chain of command. They'll blame one another and cause more conflict, making their job of subterfuge even easier. The simple acts of war came so naturally to Marley. They'd been power-hungry and at war for, well centuries now. If creating confusion and mass panic were a skill, they'd be in line for first place.

Hopefully, they hadn't figured it out yet; she wouldn't wilfully speak, and maybe they'll think it was all a misunderstanding.

"Oh honey, look at those silk threads... they'd be perfect for Isabelle's dress." "What, again? What more do you want me to buy? You're bleeding me dry, woman."

It was funny. If Porco kept his eyes closed, he could pretend he was back home. Home... How Reiner stayed here for all those years was beyond him, this island was so outdated, they didn't even have the know-how to take photographs. Degenerate, backward scum. When his mind reminded him of you, and that familiar warmth spread across his chest, it instantly lifted his mood. Where are you...?

Please don't be nearby... Don't want her caught up in -

His thoughts were interrupted by a huge boom - the ground shaking and panicked screams now filling the air from the people around him who were happily perusing only moments ago. Porco staggered, the rocking was so violent and the crash so loud... Jesus Magath, did you have to do it so close?!

A plume of dirtied smoke pillared behind some buildings not too far away as people began to run clear of the market.

"Is it the Titans again?!" "I don't think so, they don't smoke, or do they?!"

Porco placed a finger in his left ear, giving it a shake. The explosion was so loud, it'd blown out his eardrum. Luckily I can just heal it back.

His opening was made when he saw two Jeagerists scrambling from the building to take a look at what was going on.

Bingo.

He lazily pushes himself off the wall and begins to take quickened paces towards the door of where he saw Pieck being taken to, when a familiar flash of colour caught the corner of his eye.

Time slows and all of his surroundings meld together as his chest begins to feel tight. His extremities tingle and all breathing cease its usual rhythm as he sees glimpses and flashes through the ensuing chaos of panicked civilians. His cheeks burn as if his brain isn't exactly registering what was happening around him, but focused entirely on -

"your name..." His lips part as he see's you sprinting through the masses. But you had a purpose in your run - you weren't in a mindless panic.

His initial instinct is to sprint over to you, to take you away from the danger. To finally meet you... His large adam's apple bobs as he swallows, his mouth suddenly becoming dry.

Pieck needs you.

His teeth bare into a snarl of intense frustration. "Damn it!" He hisses, tearing his line of sight off you and towards the door. He kept his movements quick, not knowing if he would have the willpower to stop himself if you noticed him. If it were even real, anyway, and he hadn't just been conjuring up dreams of having conversations with you.

Within a flash he was in the building, slamming the door behind him and leaning his back against the solid oak, his breathing deep and staggered. The sounds of chaos outside became more muffled but it didn't make much difference under the sound of his heart beating within his head.

"Pieck?" He called, taking a step forward.

He was only greeted with silence from within so he proceeded with caution, his pace quick and movements swift as he kept his eye out for anyone who was willing to get in his way.

The building shook as a second loud rumble vibrated the earth, Porco's eyes flying to the ceiling and wondering if their shitty infrastructure would hold such a battering.

He wasn't even totally sure if this was Magath's doing; their country was in such a state it could actually be them fighting amongst themselves. He wasn't exactly told what the distraction would be, just that he'd "know it when he saw it."

He didn't even want to begin to think of how he managed to not only get into a building undetected but to rig up explosives too. Maybe it was Jaeger. Hell, at this point, it could have even been Reiner.

"Pieck!" He called out again.

"Pock!" Pieck breathed in relief, coming up from a set of stairs at the end of the hall.

"Jesus, Pieck what happened?"

Her eye was purple and swollen as well as a cut, bleeding lip.

"Don't worry, I got him worse." A weak laugh left her as she hurried over. "They were questioning me, they know we're here but don't know who we are."

"How do they know we're here?"

"There's a traitor. Yelena... or maybe even..."

"Zeke?!"

"I'd like to hope not..." She sighs, now reaching him. "In any case, they left when what sounded like an explosion happened outside. They kept one with me but - well, it didn't end well for him. When I heard you calling for me I just went for it."

"Good girl." Porco smirks, the both of them now pacing back towards the door. "So, what do we do now?"

"We need to rendezvous with Magath and receive further orders... as soon as Eren Jaeger shows himself, that's when they're going to release the Armoured."

"So Reiner's here now?"

"Yeah, somewhere."

As soon as the door opens, Porco's eyes glue to where he'd seen you to find...

You were gone.

The streets had quietened from civilian screams but were now replaced by roars of orders from military personnel.

"Well, we got you out. We should leave." Porco frowns, gently guiding her by her back away from the gathering pools of soldiers.

"I wouldn't worry too much." Pieck explained as they quickly stepped down the street. "I think they saw an unfamiliar face, a woman, no less, who was alone. I think they just took their chances. I don't think they really thought I was reconnoitring"

"Well that's good at least." He muttered.

They freeze in place when they hear a person roar: "The prisoners are escaping!"

"Shit!" Porco spits, about to set off into a sprint.

Pieck stopped him, looking into the air behind him. "N-no, it's not us. Look."

Turning, he can see a building not too far away from where the explosion was, island devil's on their wicked ODM gear flying around like a swarm of mosquitoes around a dead carcass, gun fire now echoing around.

"Jesus, this place is a mess." Porco comments, his lip curling up in disgust. "Even Fort Slava wasn't this bad."

Pieck points at them, her face worried under the swelling. "That's team Levi. Which means they got arrested, meaning they've escaped. Meaning -"

"They're against the rebellion." Porco finished. "Which means -"

"Don't get your hopes up. Just because they're going against Eren Jaeger, doesn't mean they'll be on our side."

They watch as the Jeagerists fight the survey corps, the anti-personnel gear beginning to fly in from other areas of the town.

"We need to get out of here." Pieck frowns. "Come on."

She goes to leave when she notices Porco's frozen expression, his jaw tense and eye wide. He watches as your group gets closer, buzzing and avoiding gunfire. He can see you, swerving and gliding with such skill. He'd only seen you moments before... how did you even-?

"Pock! We need to go!"

"I can't she's gonna get herself killed."

"What? Who?"

It was like you were supposed to rescue your friends; the stars aligned and just as you needed that distraction, the old weapons workshop exploded. You didn't know why. Or who did it. You just thanked whatever ethereal beings were watching over you as you took advantage of the situation, busting your pals out of the clink like some old weird western story you'd read once from Armin's parents' "forbidden" collection.

"Split up!" You hear Jean roar as you, Armin and Connie begin to struggle, more Jeagerists in-coming. "Meet at the rendezvous point!"

You obey, full faith in Jean's directions as you lower yourself into an alleyway, flying between houses with two Jeagerists hot on your trail, their gunfire loud and aggressive. It was becoming harder to avoid the bullets, luck playing a huge part but that only lasts so long.

You try to quickly smother the panic that was rising in your throat, propelling yourself higher into the sky and blasting your gas as fast as it could go. You remember back in cadets, Jean was the one who taught you how to fully utilise your gas, all while saving your supply. How to use your body's momentum, let that do all the work.

Why am I thinking of this now?

You wince as you glance back, seeing the two follow suit and pull themselves higher into the sky also.

Is this my life flashing before my eyes? Am I really gonna die to Floch's little flunkies?

The irony would be such a bitter pill to swallow. Fighting and training all these years, building your skillset towards surviving Titans... and you're going to be killed by two humans.

We've been through this already! You think, the situation is reminiscent of four years ago, when Eren was taken by Kenny Ackerman.

Such simpler times.

You swing faster, taking Jean's advice and using your body weight to gain speed, not seeing the large claw further back behind you swat one of the men down like a fly. You hear the cry of anguish, your head automatically turning to look when - Ting.

Your dropped focus, even for that one second meant you missed your mark with your hook, clinking off a large brass bell of one of the calling towers, your body weightless as you begin to fall to the side, swinging and turning from your one embedded hook.

The wind is taken from your lungs as you cascade down towards the street, about to swing flat into the building you were connected to. As you fall and turn towards the direction of where your hunters were, your eyes enlarge in horror. Instead of the street, instead of your pursuers was a huge open mouth, jaws the size of those metal horse carriages you'd seen in Marley, those things they called "auto-mobiles". Teeth looking like they were carved from steel coming right at you, the darkness enveloping your vision as you realise too little too late, it was that jaw titan you'd seen in Liberio.

And it was going to swallow you whole.

You hadn't even heard it approach. How did it get here unnoticed?!

You don't have time to think about anything else as you collide with something soft. Something wet, and slightly smelly.

A scream pushes with force from the bottom of your lungs and you're enshrouded in darkness, the large tongue lapping over your whole body, soaking you and making it hard to breathe.

Your body jerks around, thick mucus covering your face making the task of breathing even harder.

You scream again, your blades...well they were in there with you, somewhere, but this heavy mush was preventing you from much if any movement. You try to push yourself up desperately within the blackness but the momentum of this beast's movements just slammed you back down. You felt weightless for a moment like you were falling again before a violent slam knocked all precious breath from your body.

Strange enough, although you couldn't see anything within the darkness, small flecks of coloured glitter began to dance in your peripheral vision, fuzzing their way closer and closer to the centre.

I'm going to pass out...

You sink into the underside of the tongue, feeling gravity press down into you as the jaw titan starts scaling the wall out of Trost.

Why isn't it... eating me... I... can't breathe...

You felt weightless again but at this point you weren't even sure if it were real or you were just starting to leave your body, to head to wherever your fallen comrades before you had gone to.

Your eyes squint as the wet cavern is suddenly filled with light once more, your body is ejected from the mouth as you crash onto the floor. You immediately pull thick strings of mucus off your mouth as you take in a deep breath of sweet, sweet air. Your blades crash down with you, still attached to your gear your clothes soaked with concentrated Titan saliva.

You push your backside away from the beast, hearing the familiar hiss of a body ejecting from its Titan form. You'd heard it before plenty of times with Eren.

Your eyes scan your surroundings in a panic, hands finding the hilts of your blades as you notice you're at the edge of a thick treeline, Wall Rose not too far off in the distance.

As your body grasps as much air as it could to make up for lost oxygen, your chest swelling and shrinking - you watch the figure emerge from the nape of this monster. The steam always made it hard to see, at first, the figure leaping off the empty shell with ease before making its way towards you.

Your trembling arm holds up your sword as you were still sat on the ground, all strength having left you.

When...

You notice his eyes first as he stands there, praying you recognise him too, and that it hadn't been all in his head - his chest heaving just as much as your own.

The Titan scorch marks framed the lower parts of his eyes but never the less, those desperate, pleading eyes belonged to -

"Porco...?" Your lips part in a gasp, getting to your feet but staggering back due to lack of remaining strength.

"So you do recognise me." His voice cracks, his brow still pulled back. "It wasn't all in my head?"

Your own head shakes, too shocked to form tangible words, beautiful lips still parted in sheer disbelief.

He hesitantly takes a step forward to gauge your reaction.

"Y-you... you're...?"

"Are you going to kill me?" His voice waivers, expression pained.

Without removing your dazed eyes from his, you press your fingers onto the two release switches, your gear dismantling and falling from your waist with a loud clink to the floor.

"You saved my life." You test the waters from your side now, one step forward.

That was all he needed.

Rupturing into a run towards you, within moments his body collides with yours, his large arms encasing your entire form as your head buries into his solid chest. He grits his teeth together in a furious attempt not to cry, his eyes tearing up regardless.

His heart pounds against your head as he trembles over your form.

"You're real..." You gasp. "You're the Jaw titan? How? Is that why we can talk? I don't know how it works -"

"Me neither." He lets out a breath of air with a smile as he rests his chin on top of your head, his eyes closed as he cherishes this moment. "But I'm sure glad it does."

Chapter IV The Crossroads

You sit in Porco's shirt and coat, your clothes drying on a tree branch as you sit at your little camp just a little way into the tree line. Porco built you a fire to keep you warm as you dry. His shirtless form sat on a fallen log looking into the fire.

"Pieck will be arriving soon." He mutters. "I told her to meet me here. I kind of went off mission to save you. But I couldn't ignore you being chased down like some rodent."

"Thank you." You reply with sincerity. "I'm not sure how much longer I would have lasted. But Porco... if our dreams were real, why didn't you tell me? I saw you in Liberio... we could have changed how things pla -"

"No." He cuts you off with a melancholic sigh. "What we have is just between us. No one else would understand. And even if they did... it wouldn't change anything. You and everything else is... separate."

Your eyes lowered. It was hard to hear, but you knew he was right.

"Will Pieck try to kill me?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I put my neck out for you, she understands me that much, at least."

"Right."

"They already know we're here so... are you warm enough?"

You nod, your face burning slightly. "Yes, thank you."

Porco's eyes catch glimpse of your bare calves from under his long coat, respectfully glancing away into the flames as his nose starts to sink into a shade of red.

"So, that means..." You begin, wondering how to pick your next words. "You work alongside Reiner, right?"

He stops for a moment as if mere words froze him in place.

"Yeah."

"Oh..."

"You two were, together, right?"

You nod. "Up until he betrayed us and left."

Porco presses his lips together tightly. So many foreign emotions surged through him; envy, anger, even a pepper of pity. To have turned his back on her must have taken every ounce of strength he had. Maybe he should start cutting the guy some slack.

"Is he here?"

"You know I can't answer that."

This was going to be more complicated than you'd initially thought.

"Yeah, he's here."

The familiar, slightly gruff vocals made you both jump and turn to see Reiner standing there, large arms folded against his equally large chest.

Your breath was taken away instantly.

He'd aged well. His eyes which had witnessed more than enough horror for one lifetime were framed with slight crow's feet, his handsome face now peppered with a short amount of facial hair. His serious expression, and his eyes although framed differently, those honey orbs hadn't changed a bit.

An automatic response was getting to your feet.

"Don't worry, he won't try anything." Porco warned, his gaze piercing the blonde. "Isn't that right?"

"Well, you didn't waste any time, did you Porco?" His frown evident and pulling further down his beautiful face. "What was it you said you were going to do when you saw her?"

"Don't."

"Take real good care of her? Well good job, because now the plans gone to shit. Pieck isn't coming, Magath sent me instead."

It took every ounce of strength within Reiner not to look at you. Or maybe, that made this easier. One look into your eyes he so desperately missed, would melt him like butter.

"What? Why?"

Normally, Reiner would have shot a look in your direction, but he couldn't bring himself to. "We're really going to talk about this in front of the enemy?"

His vocals were dull but his words sharp, the blade of betrayal sinking into your breast all over again.

"I wouldn't be the enemy if you hadn't made me the enemy." You hiss, emotions thrashing from the reins of control.

"Why is she here?" Reiner ignored you, keeping his gaze on the shirtless Porco. "And why is she wearing your clothes?"

"Don't act like you can't hear me!" You call, taking a step forward. "After everything you've done, you can at least acknowledge me! Look at the mess you left behind you in your wake of death and destruction!"

Reiner's pained eyes finally glance over to you.

He holds the gaze for a few seconds, not knowing what to say. Where would he even begin? You're taken aback when you realise he's choking back the water that was threatening to spill out from his warm optics.

A tense, pregnant silence falls over the mini makeshift camp.

"Look, there are more important things going on right now..." You manage to choke out a whisper. "Figure out what you want to do. As soon as my clothes dry I'll go. Okay? Both of you pretend you never saw me, and I'll do the same."

Desperation clawed at both of the men's throats. They'd waited so long to see you, and now you were leaving. Without any conversations about... well, anything.

"No." Reiner muttered.

"No!" Porco snarled at the same time, his anger directed at Reiner.

They lock into a stare, the tension thick and just seeping with testosterone.

"Look..." Reiner then lets out a sigh. "Pieck has been assigned to bring Eren out into the open tomorrow afternoon. That's when it's all going to go down. We're both needed. Y/N."

Your head glances back up at your ex-lovers eyes.

"You can either stay here with Porco, head back to Eren or come back with me to my camp. It's your choice. There are... things I'd like to talk about with you before I kick the dust. If not, I understand. If you want to head back to Eren, we'll have to hold you here until we move out - not risking you informing him of anything."

"I don't even know where he is." You breathe with honesty. "Wouldn't it be wise to just, you know... kill me?"

The two then exchange glances.

"I don't think either of us is prepared to do that if we don't have to." Reiner replies. "Besides... Haven't you realised yet? I knew Porco would be a bit slower to catch on, but not you."

"Wha- what are you talking about?" Porco frowns.

Reiner's volume increases, his emotions now getting the better of him. "How dumb all this is. How we're all the same. Just pieces in a game. Yeah, some of us are knights. Some are pawns. Some are queens... but we're all being played against one another for all the wrong damn reasons. And I'm getting pretty fuckin' tired of it, wouldn't you say the same?"

Your head bobs in affirmation, the sliver of the Reiner Braun you once knew shining through the deep, dark abyss of his lost personality. He's still in there.

All you can hear in the tense silence is the crackling of the firewood, the flames dancing so carefree it was almost worthy of envy.

"No, I see it." Your whisper barely was audible.

"So... What's it going to be?" Porco asks you, his fingers fumbling together anxiously as he awaits your decision.

You feel like screaming from the top of your lungs. This impossible decision lay before you - you wanted to just yell for the three of you to just stay together. But you knew that wouldn't be possible. Would you go with your previous love, reconcile and hear him out?

Do you stay here, with Porco the one who so far hasn't betrayed you and you've finally met after years of on-and-off ethereal communication?

This could be your last chance to hear Reiner out. One or both of you could die any time in the not-too-distant future. It seemed impossible.

No matter which decision you make, it's going to hurt.

You tremble, not really knowing what to do or what to say. You just wanted to crumble, fall from your damned pride and cry in a heap on the floor. You're oh-so-tired now of all of these hard decisions, and it didn't look like they were going to stop anytime soon.

So, y/n.

What path are you going to take?

Reiner

Porco

You have mere days to decide. Chapter IV Part II - 22/04/2023

#porco smut #porco x reader #porco x y/n #reiner brainrot #reiner imagine #reiner braun #reiner x you #reiner x reader #porco imagines #porco x you #reiner fluff #reiner angst

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ffsg0jo · 2 years

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- a o t c h a r a c t e r s a s t r o p e s -

aot characters x tropes [reiner,, annie,, zeke,, porco,, pieck,, colt]

WARNINGS: following/stalking,, reference to sex,, -- masterlist

a/n: you already know the drill. the hold this idea has on me i stg, it's peak. anyways this is the last part, thank god :))

part 1,, part 2,, part 3

REINER : forbidden love - you're his psychologist and he's your client. you two are part of rival schools and he rescues you from a douchebag and he's like ill take you to school every single day. typical wattpad romance.

it’s like modern day romeo and juliet tbh but instead of families it’s school. your schools have always been at each others throats. its dated back to a rivalry founded hundreds of years ago. there’s constant fights breaking out between your schools and even the headteachers are involved.

they absolutely despise each other. one day, when you’re walking home after class, in the dark, you can sense someone following you. creeped out, and wanting to go home you decide to take a shortcut. obviously that doesnt work out because now you’re lost and you dont know what to do.

you try and look for someone to ask for help but all you see is a group of people, underneath the streetlight smoking. you decide to take a chance and go towards them. immediately a boy with blonde hair and a slight beard sees your state and the guy following you and recognises what's happening. he calls you over, like you’re his friend and put his arm around you.

the guy following you sees the stares he’s getting from the group of people and decides to walk away. i honestly could write a fic about this and i actually might. but just imagine romeo and juliet, but without the marriage and tragic ending. also there’s a maassiveeee fight between boyfriend reiner and ex eren. it’s great.

ANNIE : friends to lovers - you were introduced to annie through pieck and you thought she was cool and wanted to hang out more with each other. and one thing led to another and now you're married :)

you and pieck were good friends having went to primary and secondary school together. so when she introduces you to her other friends you feel happy, like you’ve levelled up your relationship stats in a game or something. you’ve met everyone, except annie and they’re a nice bunch, and you decided to hang out with them more.

the next time you hang out, it’s a small party with just you guys and that’s where you meet annie. she seemed different from the rest and you really liked her company. believe it or not but you guys literally spent the whole time talking to each other and you exchanged numbers by the end of it.

from then on you two magically started bumping into one another more, by some sort of miracle. it’s like the world was trying to push you two together by making you meet more often. and of course, naturally this led you two to hang out more, without the others present. you’d get coffee together before classes, work in the library and have lunch together as well.

you eventually caught feelings for annie and decided to just go for it and ask her out. the worst that could happen was her saying no. so one day over coffee you asked her if you could maybe grab lunch sometimes and she was like sure, just tell me when. and you’re like no, as a date. and annie stops mid sip and she looks at you with a little blush and nods her head and says sure again.

ZEKE : office romance - you and zeke work together and just casually flirt, nothing serious. but then you two actually start falling for each other and find yourself missing each other when you’re off work

on the first day of your job, zeke was the first person you met. and he was nothing but kind and welcoming, making you feel at ease jn the new environment. he knew what it was like to be the new person, so he invited you to have lunch with him and a few others to introduce you and get you started.

it became routine between the two of you and as you got more comfortable you both started joking around more and teasing each other and also occasionally flirting. he essentially became your work husband.

he’d purposefully take the long route when going to the break room just so he can walk past your desk and lean against the table and flirt with you and talk to you a little. and on the way back he drops off a freshly made coffee at your desk with a wink.

this is making me wish i worked in a corporate office job with zeke goddamnit.

anyways, you guys actually become good friends outside of work, going to get drinks together with his friends from high school and literally everyone sees the way he looks at you and thinks you’re perfect for each other. he even took you home once when he found out you weren’t doing anything for the holidays and his step mum, my baby carla loves you.

you also realised that good looks run in the family because holy moly they’re all so good looking. if carla wasn’t married, you defo would've hit on her more because she’s a milf and a half. you also met his half brother eren, who is, you know. hot af. it was actually eren that told you how much zeke liked you and how great of a couple you and zeke would make.

he regrets telling you because for the next couple of days he hears banging and thumping coming from the bedroom on top of his, which just so happens to belong to zeke.

PORCO : exes to lovers - with porco it was right person wrong time. you both weren't mentally ready or in the right space for a relationship and decided to break it off despite loving each other. but a couple of year later, when you returned for one of your mutual friends wedding, you find yourself looking at porco, and wishing it was you and him at the altar instead.

you and porco first got together when you were in high school together, and while your relationship seemed perfect, the both of you were under extreme pressure to perform well academically and make your families proud. with the added commitment of a relationship you both mutually decided to break up, thinking it was unfair to chain each other to a relationship neither could commit to fully.

that didn't mean you didn't love each other though. porco truly was the only person for you and the same for him. for the rest of high school neither of you dated, and when you got to university, you only had flings. nothing more. not a day went by without you thinking about porco.

after you’ve graduated and settled in to your new job, you receive an invite to a wedding, finding out one of yours and porco’s friends are getting married. immediately you respond saying of course you’ll attend! you’d be stupid not to.

you arrive at the venue on the day when all of a sudden you bump into someone and as you look up and go to apologise you realise it’s porco. you let out a small gasp and appreciate the way he’s matured over the years and turned into a muscular, strong man. sis had a glow up frr

you both felt your love for each other rush back to you and you fell in love with porco once again. just as your about to say something you’re both ushered into your seats, with the ceremony about to begin.

during the exchanging of the vows you catch porco staring at you and you both wonder what would've been if you had stayed together all those years ago. would you and porco have been at the altar, exchanging vows and proclaiming your undying love for each other? still staring at him you smile, making a mental not to talk to him at the reception, to see if he was still single.

PIECK : strangers to friends to lovers - i love pieck. with her it’s just a steady and gradual development into a beautiful relationship

i feel like ive repeated some of these but pieck just strikes me as a very dependable and safe person. she has really comforting vibes and is just someone you grow to love more and more, the more you get to know her.

everything about pieck is a nice surprise, like wow she has cats, could she even become any more perfect. the answer is yes, yes she can.

the two of you take things really slow and you kinda just let things happen and progress naturally instead of forcing it. you both know that if its meant to be then it will, and you both strongly feel as though you're eachother's 'one'.

just being with pieck is good vibes. she's so loving but teasing at the same time. she'll tease you and watch you get all flustered with a smirk on her face. she's hot af.

unrelated but do you guys remember when the jean x pieck ship was starting to gain more traction. that was actually amazing now that I think about it. i don't personally ship it but I can see why other people would. its cute.

COLT : brothers babysitter to lovers - i feel like im making some of these tropes up but it makes sense to me, let me just explain it.

your parents were always friendly with colt's so when your parents heard they needed a baby sitter for their cute little toddler falco, your parents offered to ask you if you'd be willing to do it.

having met the Grice's a couple of times and being familiar with them you agreed saying why not. you loved baby sitting, especially when they were calm kids like falco.

so you go over to their house and knock on the door and a guy thats around your age with blonde hair opens the door for you, with a little miniature version of him standing behind his legs. you recognised flaco but you no idea who this man was. luckily mrs grice saw you though and ushered you inside.

she quickly introduced him as colt, falco's older brother, who is visiting for the holidays, and then thanks you for agreeing to babysit falco and tells you to make yourself at home and feel free to take anything from the fridge.

she rushes out of the house with her husband, leaving you with colt and falco. colt, being the gentleman that he is offers to show you around the house and also shows you the emergency exits and stuff just in case something happens.

he ends up leaving to go out to see his friends and that leaves you alone with falco, who is just the most well behaved, good mannered child in the world. he's such a pleasure to look after and barely causes any trouble.

colt starts hearing more about you through falco who absolutely loves you. he thinks you're the best baby sitter in the world and even calls refers to you as his older sister. colt finds himself developing a crush on you and its falco that pushes him and encourages him to ask you out.

falco is adamant that you like colt as much as colt likes you, expecially since you're always asking about his older brother, and if he'll be coming home anytime soon. its cute <33

#🌻.sunspell #🌻.attack on titan #🌻.fluff #🌻.angst #aot #attack on titan #aot x reader #attack on titan x reader #reiner x reader #colt x reader #zeke x reader #pieck x reader #porco x reader #annie x reader #tahonet #tht.sinta #spirithub #hqlabels

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http-tokki · 2 years

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I will - porco galliard x reader

｡ₓcharacters: Porco Galliard x reader ｡ₓcontent: semi smut! sort spoilers for season 4! ｡ₓsummary: Slow dancing with Porco before he leaves for his last mission ｡ₓword count: 284 ｡ₓa/n: NOT PROOFREAD!

Slow dancing with Porco before he goes on that fatal warrior mission. Strong hands on your waist, fingers digging into your plush flesh so hard you can feel the bruises begin to bloom. He isn't ready to let you go, leave you and travel hundreds of miles away to an uncertain return, not when you had just confessed your love to each other. Cramped and tangled in each other in his childhood bed, whispering I love yous into each other's mouths. Lips branding your skin as his, the marks he had created down your chest, over your soft stomach, drinking you down until all he could taste was you. He would take that taste with him across the sea, take the smell of you, take all your love with him.

As you look up at your love, your eyes burn, tears clouding your vision before spilling onto your cheeks. Calloused fingers reach up and wipe your tears, brushing over your cheek and throat before slotting themselves in the hair at the nape of your neck.

"Please don't cry, angel. I can't handle it if you cry" Porco's voice shook with his own tears. "Please, don't. I won't be able to leave if you're crying."

You're sniffling, desperately trying to stop the tears, but when you can't, you just wrap your arms around the warrior, burying your head in his chest. Porco wraps his arms around you, holding you in a tight embrace as he starts to cry. Chest shuddering as he breaths out.

"Porco, please come back," You whisper, fingers curling in the rough fabric of his shirt. "I need you to come back."

He sniffs, kissing your hair and whispering. "I will. I promise."

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dotsdrabbles · 2 years

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Why?

Porco Galliard x fem!Reader

Word count: 1103

Warnings: mentions of death, implied romantic feelings, it's more on the angsty side

Hiya! I thought I would start off my page with a Porco x Reader drabble! Honestly Porco is one of my favourite characters and deserved so much better. This isn't fully proofread, but hope you all enjoy it nonetheless! it may be a bit ooc buuuuuttt I was just having too much fun to be honest :).

The summer heat in Liberio had always been unbearable. The air was humid and uncomfortable, mimicking a suffocating sensation as your lips tingle and your mouth dries out. It didn't help that it hadn't rained for almost 2 weeks and now the internment zone was facing drought.

“I fucking hate the summer.” Porco grunted, adjusting the yellow armband on his left bicep. “This heat makes me want to rip my skin off.” he exaggerated, leaning against a wall.

You had known Porco ever since you were both little, you were neighbours and would go out to play in the street with him and his brother Marcel. You were both 16 now and whilst he was still training to one day get his full warrior title, you carried on with your mainstream education in hopes to become a doctor but as it was the summer holidays you were stuck running your parents corner shop in town.

You let out a small chuckle as you stacked the shelves. The shop was small, cramped and in this weather it was more like a sauna. “You know you would say the same thing if it was winter, right? Oh Y/N it's freezing outside, I hate the winter” you digged, shooting him a playful look before adjusting your own white armband.

Playfully, he rolled his eyes with a huff. “Oh shove off.”

It wasn't uncommon to hear Porco huff or complain, he had always been this way since he was little…although you had noticed it his mood dampened even more when he found out he wasn't inheriting a titan like his older brother and was staying behind in Liberio as Marcel, Annie, Bertholdt and Reiner got to go on a big honourable adventure to wipe out the island devils of Paradis.

You knew Porco was still bitter, could you blame him? He had been working his ass off everyday, training to the point of nausea just so the armoured titan could be given to Reiner? You had nothing against Reiner, he could be sweet at times and although you were never there to see him train you did think it was odd that he was chosen over Porco. It made no sense.

“Pock?” You walked back behind the counter and sat on a stool, head in your hands as you watched his face twist from the nickname. “Why did you join the Warrior programme?” it had been a question that constantly plagued your mind however you didn't dare bring it up- until now.

Brows furrowed and body language closed he replied, “What do ya mean? Isn't it obvious?”

“No, I understand the benefits of becoming a Warrior…”

“The better healthcare, honorary Marelyan status for you and your family. It's a no brainer really, you would have to be an idiot to pass up an offer like that- no offence” you could tell you was hitting a nerve by his tone of voice, but you carried on anyway.

“Right, but wouldn't you have gotten these benefits just from Marcel being a warrior anyway? Why did you have to sign up too?”

“Are you seriously asking why I wanted to do something for my motherland? To make up for all the wrongdoings our people have done over the years?” he snapped, face turning red a bit from anger.

“No, I'm asking why you're so willing to become a monster and drastically shorten your life for a country that doesn't care about you!? Meanwhile the people who care about you are left to pick up the pieces- If there even are any pieces of Porco Galliard left!” you bit back, your own face heating up and your fists clenched.

“WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH?! For fuck sake Y/N get off my dick! It's my life and I can do what I want with it!?!” He began to yell which made tears gather in the corners of your eyes.

“Get out.” you straightened your back, thankful no one was in the shop to witness this fight.

“What? You can't be serious?” Porcos face fell, realising you were actually getting upset. He didn't mean to make you cry.

“You're barred. Get out!” she yelled, the tears streaming from your eyes, hiccups and chokes escaped from your throat.

Porco just blankly stared at you, guilt filling his body, but he wouldn't apologise, that wasn't the kind of man he was. Grabbing his army green jacket, he stormed out of the shop with a face like thunder. Once he was gone, you allowed your sadness to consume you, mourning a man who hadn't even died yet.

It was stupid for you get upset, you knew this was going to happen. Porco could be hot headed and he was hurting himself. Although you asked him you knew why he wanted to join the unit: to finally get out of his older brother's shadow, to be seen as more than just his brother. To prove he was strong, he wanted to make a difference. He just wanted to be remembered, rather than get lost in the pages of history and if that meant killing himself in the process then so be it.

But what about you?

You who had grown so fond of the blonde boy over the years, the way he could make you giggle at the most stupid things whilst his own laugh would boom and fill the room with joy, making yourself giggle even more when he let out the occasional snort that he hated but you loved so much. How he would always make sure you were always walking on the inside of the pavement, away from traffic. How he would hold you ever so tightly when you got upset over some boy, who you were supposed to go on a date with, began to avoid you even though Porco knew damn well it was because he decided to have a “chat” with him.

If only you knew, he was only still doing all of this for you.

It has always been for you. He wanted to marry you and give you honorary Marleyan status so you didn't have to live in the slums of Liberio anymore, you could go to a really good medical school and have a decent wage. He wanted to give you a better life, even if you never cared for him like he did for you. Porco knew Marcel's honorary Marleyan citizenship wouldnt extend to you if you married Porco so that's why he stayed in the unit, even after he was denied his titan.

He will make it work, he will find a way.

#porco x reader #porco galliard #attack on titan #attack on titan fanfiction #drabble #angst #oneshot #porco snk #aot porco #attack on titan porco #porco galliard x reader #porco galliard x you #x reader

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naomikozura · 2 years

Text

➣The Only Exception

Porco x Fem!Reader (College Au)

genre: enemies to lovers, sfw

warnings: strong language, harassment, physical violence, illegal street racing, (let me know if I missed any!)

w.c: 9.5k

previous / next

09. The Races

“Okay, you are hands down the worst person I have ever had to teach this shit to.”

You groaned a final time, letting your pencil fall out of your hand and onto the table. You and Porco had spent the past two weeks meeting to study for your calculus class. You really needed to pass this class to finish the year out and dropping the class was not an option. You need to take this next exam before spring break so that you can relax and take a break from school.

“Okay, it isn’t my fault they added a hundred steps just for one number!”, you said dramatically as Porco rolled his eyes. He grabbed his water bottle off the table and drank from it, his eyes still looking at you.

“You’ll fail your exam if you have a shitty mindset.”, he said while smirking at you. You glared at him, your mental words better left unspoken. Though you hated to admit it, Porco had been really helpful the past few weeks, you’d grown used to his personality and his overbearing remarks.

The two of you had small development through each passing day, his attitude softening and his conversations seemed more meaningful. You noticed how he was left handed, he tapped his pencil when he got impatient, and how he would drink from his water bottle to keep from saying a smart ass remark. Often you wondered if he ever noticed your small mannerisms too. You wondered what they would be if he did notice.

Since the two of you spent almost everyday together, you both started having small talk, getting to know each other a bit more but never going deep enough to know any real, deep details about one another. Something you’d prefer over getting into a deep conversation. It was still nice being able to see Porco less rude and more patient. He had grown on you, and you liked to believe that you had grown on him too. He offered to pick you up and drop you off every study session, especially after the night at the library when he walked home with you the first time.

It became a sort of routine to walk home together and talk. It was difficult to leave all the big chunks of your life out of conversation, but you found a way to talk about your hobbies and interests without mentioning your parents or your life back at home. For two weeks, these walks home and conversations continued. Porco had softened his hardened exterior around you. Something you were positive you would never get to witness.

There were still words left unsaid, the events from the past weekend not having been brought up since it happened. You wondered if it would ever get brought up, if he even wanted to. Regardless, you had spent the past few days meeting up to study together, speaking about every and anything besides the weekend.

Today was another day of studying, the two of you had met up at a nearby coffee shop to study, the buzz of the students walking in and out made for good background noise. It was nice to have something in the background instead of studying in the private rooms in the library where there was nothing but dead silence.

“I’m going to the restroom.”, Porco said as he stood and walked to the back of the coffee shop. You watched as he went, and stretched to let out all the built up tension. You really needed a break and Porco was intense when it came to studying. You looked over at the door as the small bell above it rang out. Your eyes met three built figures. Your body went still.

It’s those guys from the party.

You recognized Floch next to them immediately. The two bigger guys next to him were the two that were fighting with Reiner and Bertholdt. Your eyes watched them, shrinking yourself down to make yourself as unnoticeable as possible. They ordered their drinks and stepped off to the side and waited. You turned back to your paper, it was suddenly more interesting than the three guys who attacked your friends. You kept your head down, hoping they would ignore you.

You had been so focused on the three of them, you hadn’t noticed that Porco had walked back to the table. He looked at you confused, raising an eyebrow before speaking.

“(Y/n), what’s up with you?”, you met his golden eyes, before looking behind him. He moved his head slightly before turning around, you grabbed his wrist and his eyes met yours. You pleaded for him not to look, but he already recognized the three guys standing at the front. His eyes darkened, remembering the night that they crashed the party.

“Can we just ignore them?”, Porco looked at you, debating internally, before nodding.

“There’s a back door, if you want, we can leave”, he offered and you nodded. He started to pack his things and you grabbed your books off the table. You started following behind Porco, giving one small glimpse behind you to Floch and his friends. You wished you hadn’t looked back, because right at that moment, Floch’s eyes had met yours. Your heart dropped in your chest. You walked faster to keep up with Porco but almost like he had run to you, you felt a hand grab your shoulder.

“Hey, you’re the girl from the party. I noticed you at Garrison the other night.”, his annoying voice met your ears and you wanted to punch him. “It’s rude to ignore people. I think you owe me an apology, sweetheart.”. By now, his two friends were just waiting and watching, standing back at the door. You looked at him, feeling the tension suddenly grow ten times thicker.

“She doesn’t owe you shit, Forster.”, you heard Porco speak up, standing next to you with Floch’s hand in his own, removing it from your shoulder.

“Porco. You have some nerve getting involved in business that doesn’t include you.”, Floch countered Porco in a split second, at this point, Floch’s friends were right behind him. The tension was heavy, scared that a fight might break out.

“Leave, Floch.”, Porco warned. “Thought you’d learned your lesson from the last time.”

Floch’s eyes darkened, his hands turning to fists at his side. There was something between the two of them that made them have this unnerving tension towards one another. Floch broke eye contact with Porco, looking down at you before smirking.

“Maybe if you hadn’t pussied out, Zeke would have made you his bitch.”, Floch taunted Porco, some details being left unsaid every time he spoke. Porco kept his eyes trained on Floch, also keeping you behind him in case anything happened.

“Make a reappearance, we miss your sorry ass at the tracks. Especially sinc-”

“I suggest you watch your words before I give you another black eye, Floch.”, Porco warned, the mention of whatever it was that happened at the.. tracks ticking him off. Floch weighed his options out before stepping back.

“Later sweetheart, maybe next time we’ll get alone time.”, Floch said, winking at you before he left with his friends. You watched as they left, your heart beating in your chest. You felt like time had frozen, not entirely sure what just happened.

“Are you okay?”, that smooth, deep voice ringing in your ears. You looked over at Porco, nodding slightly. You didn’t know what to say or do, you just stood in place.

“Come on, I’ll drive you to your place.”, he offered and you accepted his offer. You followed him to his car, opening the door and you felt the weight being taken off your shoulder. Porco was grabbing your bag from you and put it in the backseat with his own.

You looked at him confused, since when did he do these types of gestures without being asked?

You climbed in the passenger seat, closing the door as he climbed in the car and turned it on. You sat in silence as the radio filled the car with music on a random station.

“You’re quiet.”

“What?”, you asked.

“Since what happened back at the coffee shop, you haven't said a word.”, he pointed out.

Oh.

“Um, I just.. That’s the guy that, um..”

“I know what he did.”, Porco answered. “I would have punched him again if you weren’t there for that exact reason.”

Your heart did a little jump. What is this?

“Guys like him deserve to have the shit beat out of him. He’s a dick and looks for trouble for no reason.”, there was an undertone of hate in his voice. He had resentment towards Floch but you were unsure of the reason. A part of you wanted to know what happened between the two of them and how they ended up this way. You also wondered if the rest of the group had the same problems with him.

“Porco.”

You heard him hum in response, eyes still stuck on the road. You looked at him then to your hands in your lap. You breathed and spoke again. “What did Floch mean by they ‘missed you at the tracks’? And who is Zeke?”. You noticed his eyes flicker to you then back to the road. Silence filling the car again. He was contemplating telling you what they meant, unsure if he could really trust you.

“Zeke is a guy I knew back at the academy. He was a part of the soccer and baseball team, so we played together a lot. He trained Marcel, Colt, Reiner, Bertholdt, and me when we all played sports together. When he graduated, he went to Wall Rose, and when he heard my entire class was going to Paradis, he was pissed. He’s been trying to get back at us for a while now, but we don’t let him and his little pets get to us. Especially not someone like Floch.”, he answered briefly.

“But why would he be upset that you guys signed at Paradis? If he was your friend, wouldn’t he be happy regardless?”, your naivety was showing, it got you nervous thinking that Porco might get annoyed with you.

“Not necessarily. See, there’s been this type of.. tension for a while. Zeke didn’t like that we went to Paradis because of Eren.”

Eren? What does he have to do with anything?

“I thought you didn’t know Eren until you met him on the team?”

“I’ve known about Eren for almost 13 years, way before you even knew him.”, he answered matter of factly.

You kept looking at him confused, nothing clicking in your head.

“Eren played soccer at Shiganshina District High School, we played soccer against him all the time. Him and Zeke have had a sort of rivalry for a long time.”

“I still don’t understand what any of that has to do with you guys coming to Paradis, wouldn’t they be able to figure out their business on their own?”

“(Y/n), Zeke and Eren are half-brothers.”, Porco finally clarified. “Zeke and Eren have tension because his dad left Zeke and his mother and started a family like nothing ever happened. He had Eren, Zeke found out about him during the first playoff game between the academy and SDHS. They’re only 2 years apart. Zeke was a Junior when Eren was starting off.”

Everything slowly started to click into place. The rivalry between Eren and Zeke trickled down to the other seven of them. It was a pride and control thing. Zeke felt like he got betrayed by people he was supposed to trust, but a sibling rivalry can’t be the reason the seven of them give up on their academics and athletic accomplishments.

“Regardless, they always try to stir up trouble. That’s why they crashed the party that night, they must’ve found out that Eren and the rest of us were there and just wanted to prove a point.”, Porco shifted his car into park, and opened his door, getting out of the car and closing the door. You dropped your phone and leaned over to pick it up, noticing that Porco had opened the door for you and had already grabbed your backpack for you. He hadn’t opened the door for you before, maybe he was just getting impatient. You had been studying for a while and he had practice tonight. You hurried out of the car and stepped to the side to let him close the door. You both walked into the building, and headed for the elevator, not exchanging any words.

You noticed him texting on his phone, your bag still on his shoulder. “You know, I can carry my bag right?”, you said softly and teasingly. He looked over at you, before sliding the bag off his shoulder and handing it to you. “If you say so, princess.”, he remarked while smirking. Your heart did a little flip in your chest, why did that sound unnaturally nice?

“Whatever asshat.”, you said before catching the words. Porco raised an eyebrow at you, and chuckled. “Asshat? That’s the best comeback you have?”

“No, I have better, I just don’t want to waste all my good ones on you.”, you dramatically folded your arms, and Porco let out another airy laugh. “You’re unbelievable.”, he said as the elevator doors opened. You moved forward at the same time he did, and your shoulders bumped each other, and you accidentally stepped on his foot. “Sorry!”, you laughed as you tripped. You felt Porco’s hand grab at your waist, helping steady you. “Careful, clutz”, he remarked.

“Yeah, yeah. Thanks for not letting me fall.”, you said, getting out of his grip. You tried to play it off but your heart was beating insanely fast in your chest. You actually liked having his hands on you, but you needed to get a grip. You couldn’t be thinking of your friends that way.

Friends.

You both had gotten to the point where you could consider each other that. He's even called you his friend on multiple occasions. Very special occasions. The kiss wasn’t something friends did, especially not the way he kissed you.

“We have a game next weekend, it’s a home game. You should go.”, Wait. Did you just hear him right? Was he inviting you to one of his games? You looked at him with curious eyes. “I, uh, sure. Yeah, I’ll see if I can go.” you answered, still confused by his sudden gesture.

“Great, I’ll see you Thursday. Bye (Y/n).”, he said and walked away towards the opposite end of the hall. You lingered a bit longer, staring at his tall figure. Why did that feel so awkward but so.. tension filled at the same time?

You shook the thoughts from your head and walked to your door, taking your keys out and pushing the door open. You noticed Sasha, Mikasa, Historia, and Annie sitting in the living room watching some random show on the tv.

“Hey, (Y/n)! How was studying with Porco?”, you heard Sasha speak first. Historia lit up with excitement. “You and him have been studying together a lot recently.” you cocked an eyebrow at her before dumping your bag in your room and yelling out at them as you changed. You hadn’t mentioned the night after the bar to any of them, especially since you didn’t want to make a big deal about it in case Porco didn’t mean it as anything else but just a kiss.

“Yeah, it was good. We finally are down to the last two chapters before my exam.”, you put on a pair of biker shorts and an oversized tee shirt and tie your hair into a bun. “You know something weird? He invited me to his game next weekend. It was so random.”, You walked out to the living room, stopping as all four of them stared at you. They didn’t say anything and kept staring.

“Is there something on my face?”, you went to look at yourself in the mirror on the wall. “(Y/n), did you say Porco, himself, invited you to one of his games?”, Historia asked.

“Uh, yeah. Why?”, you asked.

Annie and Historia looked at each other like they knew something the three of you didn’t. Annie looked at you before responding. “Porco never invites anyone to his games. He’s never even invited us from the Academy.”

“What? But you guys are always there at every game.”, you responded back.

“That’s because we go to support him, not because he invites us.”, Historia added. “He says he doesn’t like having people he knows at his games because it’ll distract him or something dumb like that. But we go anyway and don’t say anything so he focuses on the game. We only congratulate him afterwards.”

“Oh. I don’t think it means anything. I mean, he’s finally seeing me as one of his friends.”, you said with a bit of confidence and happiness to your tone, trying to mask the events that conspired between the two of you. Unknown to you, Annie bit something back, and Historia gave her a look before changing the conversation.

“So, have you guys started planning what we’re gonna do for spring break?”

“I think we should go camping, but Connie and the guys say that going to the beach would be better since it's getting warm again.”, Sasha dramatically groaned which caused you and Historia to laugh.

“I think the beach would be nice, I haven’t been in almost ten years.”, you said as you sat in the beanbag next to Mikasa.

“The beach sounds good to me”, Annie said, Mikasa nodding with her.

“So, who wants to go swimsuit shopping then?”, Historia asked. The five of you all agreed a day to go out and go shopping, and just have a girls day.

“Annie, you should invite Pieck.”, you said. “I haven’t seen her around lately.”

“She’s on a trip with the physics department. They’re at a museum for aerospace engineering or something like that.”, Historia said jokingly. You nodded before grabbing the tv remote and turning the volume up, spending the rest of the day relaxing and hanging out with your best friends.

“You can move those files over there and just do the documents that are left in the email I sent you.”, Mrs. Reiss was giving you instructions for the newest editorial, trying to finalize everything with Mr. Gulliver.

You had been stressing over the article and homework that you didn’t have any time to really do anything besides study and editing the new documents. Mrs. Reiss always planned things in advance to ensure everything would be done properly and efficiently. The company worked on new issues 4-6 months in advance, so all the new issues had to be finished within the next 2-3 months and getting interviews and information on Mr. Gulliver’s company consumed all of your time recently.

You grabbed the stack of papers and went to your small office nook, trying to catch up with everything. Though she was good at hiding it, you could tell when Mrs. Reiss was stressed. It was a skill you had picked up real fast, one tell was when she would constantly hold her coffee mug in her hand and tap her finger on it. Another was when she would wear her glasses instead of contacts because she wanted to double check everyone’s work. Small details you picked up on very quickly.

You had spent the next five hours organizing everything and putting things where they needed, scanning documents into the computer for editing and looking through emails. It was a work heavy day today, it would be like this at least once a week.

When the day had finally come to an end, you logged out of your computer, putting all your work away in the cabinet and heading to Mrs. Reiss office to let her know you were done for the day. You knocked on her door and she welcomed you in.

“Hey, I was just letting you know I was done for the day.”, you said as you walked over to her desk.

“(Y/n), thanks for letting me know and thank you so much for logging in extra hours to help around. I know it can’t be easy with school and having a social life.”

One thing about Mrs. Reiss, was that she was understanding of your personal life and everyone else that worked with her. She knew that there were things more important than a job, people had lives outside of work. That’s why you loved working with her.

“Of course, I need to save money for a trip pretty soon so it’s really no problem.”, you replied, smiling at her.

“Well, if you’re done with everything, you’re good to go”, she smiled back at you and she turned slightly to grab something out of her desk, just then, you noticed a list on her notepad.

A familiar name sticking out to you.

It was your parents’ company. Along with a list of other medical companies.

What is this for?

You wondered slightly, before saying a last goodbye and leaving. You quickly fished your phone out and wrote down all the names you saw, trying to see why Mrs. Reiss had your parents’ company down on a list with other medical groups.

You were about to put your phone away when you noticed you had received a text from the person who brought you comfort.

R: Hey, want to go out tonight? There’s a place the group goes to, thought you’d find it interesting.

A place? Where?

Y/n: Hey, uh, what type of place?

Almost too quickly he responded.

R: It’s a bit ways out of town, I can drive us. If you want to leave at any time, I’ll drive you back home.

You contemplated for a second. You didn’t have class or work tomorrow, so it wouldn’t be so bad to stay up late tonight. Your mind weighing out if you should, you felt bad having kissed one of his friends then going out with him just a few days later. It wasn’t like the two of you were together, so would it even really matter?

Y/n: Yeah, I have to go home and change, I just got out of work. Is that okay?

R: totally okay. I’ll pick you up around 9?

Y/n: Yeah, that sounds good.

You put your phone away and walked out to the bus stop. You wondered where exactly they would be going, was it for a party? Probably. If the group liked it as much as Reiner it would probably be a party. Maybe in Stohess.

After the commute home, you quickly changed, you had an hour or two before Reiner would come by. You fixed your hair into a bun. It was freshly washed so it was shiny and looked as healthy as could be for hair that had years of heat damage and hair dye in it. Only recently you dyed it back to your natural color. It was nice to be back at your roots.

You decided to make yourself a quick, easy meal. Ramen. You desperately needed to go grocery shopping and learn how to cook because not doing either would quite literally be the death of you. You grabbed the small bowl and placed it in the microwave, setting it to three minutes before going back to your room to grab your wallet and keys.

You heard the front door open, peeking your head out you saw Sasha walk in with two bags in her hands. “Sasha? Where were you?”, you asked as you walked over and grabbed your food out of the microwave.

“I went bathing suit shopping with Connie and he bought me five different suits because he couldn't decide on one then told me ‘You can just wear one each day we’re there’ as if we’re gonna be there for a whole week.”, Sasha said, mimicking Connie’s voice almost perfectly.

You laughed at her little show before answering her. “Sasha, but we are going for a whole week. So I guess it makes sense but I think maybe two swimsuits would have been fine since we’re sightseeing and going out to eat on one of the days and going hiking the other. We’re only going swimming for two I'm pretty sure.”, you knew Mikasa had the itinerary because she liked being organized and Historia helped plan everything with Pieck since they had every time slot of the day filled out for each day you would be there. Down to shower times and meal times.

“I’m going out with Reiner tonight, so don’t forget to lock the door if you’re going back over to Connie’s”, you said and taking a bite of your food. Sasha had gone to her room to put her things away before coming back out in a pair of sweats and a sports bra. “Reiner? This late?”, she asked.

“Yeah, he said that the group from the Academy were going out somewhere and he wanted me to go along with him.”

“Wow, you really have these boys wrapped around your finger, (Y/n)”, Sasha said walking and dumping herself on the couch.

“Um, boys?”, you raised an eyebrow at her. She lifted her head and put a pillow behind her before grabbing the tv remote and turning on the tv. “Yeah, Reiner and Porco.”

No way Porco would see me that way…

“Okay, no. Porco just helps me study. Reiner… I don’t have an excuse for that but he’s nice and I really enjoy being around him.”, you mentioned, trying to take attention away from Porco, scared she might pick up on something.

“You guys need to do something about it because the tension when you’re together is unbelievable.” you rolled your eyes at her before feeling your phone vibrate in your pocket. You fished it out and saw that Reiner was on his way to your place. He didn’t live too far, so you finished your food and dumped the container in the trash. You waved goodbye to Sasha and ran out the door to meet Reiner out front.

You waited for another few minutes before he walked into the building to see you sitting in one of the chairs. He smiled at you and you smiled back at him.

“Hey, beautiful.”, he said, giving you a hug.

“You don’t look too bad yourself”, and you were telling the truth. He had joggers on with a plain tee and a bomber jacket overtop. The shirt was well fitted so his muscular physique was showing through his clothes. “You ready?”, his voice was steady and deep, making your heart jump slightly in your chest. You nodded and followed him to his car.

He had turned down the radio and you spent the entire drive talking to one another. You had gotten too comfortable being around him that you didn’t even filter the way you talked anymore, you didn’t care if sometimes the things you said would make your parents want to kill you. You had too much fun with him this way.

Reiner had stopped talking once you were five minutes away. He told you to let him do the talking and not worry about anything. He pulled into an empty deserted area, there were no buildings anywhere or even proper places to park. He pulled over where there were some trees, and parked his charger under it. He stepped out and walked to your side and opened the door. You stepped out with him and he told you to stay close. He walked over to where other groups of people were and he huddled with them. You didn’t recognize any of them, but you noticed that all of the cars in the lot were off to the sides, not parked carelessly in the middle like you would see at tailgates for the football games and at parties.

“This is (Y/n).”, Reiner introduced you to the guys and the girls that were huddled around. “Woah, Braun. How did you get someone so pretty to date you when you look like that?”, one of the girls remarked, laughing and teasing him. She walked over to you and smiled. She had dirty blonde, shoulder length hair and golden eyes. It was the girl from the bar.

“Hey, nice to meet you, I’m Hitch.”, you smiled at her and introduced yourself to the rest of them. A part of you was a bit bothered because you knew that she had been with Porco that night.

“Have you guys seen Zeke or Floch?”, one of them asked. Your attention suddenly shifted from observing the place you were at and focusing on the topic at hand. You wanted to see who exactly Zeke was and why everything seemed to revolve around him.

“Look, the rest of the group just got here.”, you turned and noticed two other cars parked next to Reiner’s, and out came Colt, Bertholdt, Pieck, Annie, Marcel, Ymir, and Historia. You walked over to say hello and you noticed a horrified look on Hisotria’s face. She excused herself and grabbed you, pulling you off to the side.

“(Y/n)! What are you doing here?!”, she asked, scolding you like she was your mother. “Reiner invited me. What’s wrong?”, Historia sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“You do realize that what they do here is illegal right?”

“Then why are you here?”, you countered, calling her out on her hypocritical comment. She looked at you before settling down. “I came because of Ymir and the rest of the group. This is only the second or third time I’ve been here.”

“What even is this place, Historia?”

“They race for money illegally here.”, you looked at her confused. You weren't expecting this to be what it was used for. You assumed it was a meet up spot for throwing a party or something.

“The group has been coming here since they were in highschool. It’s pretty intense.”, she seemed to calm down a bit before starting to walk towards the group, you followed right behind her.

“Hey, (Y/n), Historia, come on, the first race is about to start.”, Pieck called out and you followed her over to where the rest of the spectators were. Everyone stood off to the side as the two cars racing one another waited at the front. You stood next to Pieck and Historia while the guys were further ahead with other people you hadn’t met before.

The flagman stood up front and asked both drivers if they were ready and each one revved their engines in response. He counted down and waved the flag down, and both cars took off, the dirt blowing behind them. They took off so fast you were sure you would have missed it if you weren’t paying attention.

The roads were long and well built, four turns on the runway and both cars were barely on the second turn, everyone standing at the front screaming and cheering for their respective vehicles they bet on. You heard the engines get louder as they approached the last turn and drove down the final stretch of the road. Your heart was beating especially fast, just thinking about how crazy it would feel to be racing for money.

The cars finally crossed the finish line, neck in neck, and everyone was whispering within each of their groups trying to figure out the winner. The flagman came forward and pointed towards the red car on his left. A whole group of people started cheering and walked over to the flagman to collect their shares of the race.

You thought it was exhilarating, you hadn’t ever seen anything like this before. You felt yourself get cold, looking around to see if you could find Reiner. You spotted him talking to Bertholdt and two other guys, one of them had grayish hair in an undercut style and the other had long blonde hair tied back into a half bun.

“Hey, Reiner.”, you said softly and tugged on his sleeve. “(Y/n), hey, this is Eld and Olou. They go to Trost.”, the blonde guy, Eld, said hi to you first and Olou followed right after. You politely smiled at them before turning back to Reiner.

“I’m getting kind of cold, is it okay if I can grab my jacket out of your car?”, Reiner looked at you and just shrugged off his bomber jacket. “Don’t worry sweetheart, you can have mine.”, and he placed it over your shoulders, the warmth setting in almost immediately. You quietly thanked him before you started heading back to Historia and Pieck.

“Hey, we’re going to the restrooms, wanna come with?”, Historia asked you and you nodded. You followed behind her and Pieck and noticed that there were more people here than there was earlier.

“There’s more people now.”, you said.

“Yeah, it’s finally peak hour, almost everyone is here already.”, she said softly. You guessed she must know how many people normally come to these types of things if she had been here several times before. You all walked inside the restroom, waiting for the stalls to open, you had gone in first and finished quickly and washed your hands. You let them know you were going to wait outside since the restroom was crowded. They nodded as they waited for the stalls to open.

You stepped outside and the breeze hit your face softly, the cool wind of the night finally settling in. You dug your nose into Reiner’s jacket, the smell of his cologne still present on it. It smelt nice, it was comforting to know Reiner was taking care of you like he promised.

You found yourself lost in thought until you heard a noise that snapped you back to the present. You walked around the restroom to see a random guy looking at the ground with his phone light. Did he lose something?

“Hey, are you okay?”, you asked. He looked up at you, his blue eyes subtle but striking as they looked at you. He had blonde hair and a nicely kept beard. “Oh, yeah. I just dropped my glasses and I can’t see them.”, he said calmly. He seemed harmless, besides you had Pieck and Historia with you, you doubt he would really try anything.

“Here, let me help. I know not having your glasses can be a bit of a hassle.”, you turned on your phone light, seeing the small zenni aviator glasses on the ground. You picked them up and cleaned them with your blouse. “Are these them?”, he looked at your hands, taking a step forward and nodding.

“Thank you. I can’t really drive unless I have them. You saved me from having to buy a whole new pair.”, he replied, giving you a small smile. You smiled back at him, “It was nothing. I don’t mind helping people out.”

“Well, thank you, have a good night, stay safe.”, he said as he walked away. You kept staring at him, wondering if you had ever seen him before or if he went to a different university.

You made your way back to the front of the restrooms and saw that Pieck and Historia had just walked out. “Ready to go back?”, Pieck asked and you both nodded.

You went back up the small hill where the races were being held and met up with the group. You took your spot next to Reiner, who almost instinctively put an arm around you. It felt nice, especially since his arms were muscular and toned. They felt nice around you. Historia stood next to Ymir and Pieck next to Marcel.

“You think he’ll show?”, you heard Colt ask, Marcel and Pieck looked at him and both shrugged. “He hasn’t been here in a while, I doubt it,'' Pieck said. Reiner laughed and Bertholdt just stared at him.

“He won’t come, besides everyone else knows better than to try and start shit again, especially after last time.”, Bertholdt looked at Reiner as he spoke, but didn’t say anything. Annie stayed quiet and looked over at the next two cars lined up to race. More people started to gather around, and the group shifted themselves off to the side.

“So, why do you guys like coming here?”, you asked, the question on your mind since you had arrived. “It’s the easiest and fastest way to make money,'' Colt said.

“How much can you make from one race?”, you questioned.

“Anywhere from $200 to $1000. Depending on who’s racing”, Marcel answered. “But our bets never lose, so we can leave each night we come with around $2k.”

“$2000?! Who do you guys even bet on?”, you asked, your shock evident on your face.

“Why the fuck would you bring her here?”, your head spun around to see the owner of the voice, the rest of the group looking behind Reiner, who still had his arms around your shoulders, at the blonde haired hothead.

“Porco, you came!”, Peick said, Marcel and Colt shooting a look at him as Porco inspected the sight in front of him, i.e you and Reiner. To be more specific, you have Reiner’s jacket on and his arm around you.

“Porco. I thought you weren’t coming tonight.”, Reiner answered, completely dodging the question he was just asked. There was something about the way he was staring at Reiner that gave a little bit of his emotion away.

“I asked you a question, Braun.”, his voice was firm, his tone serious.

“Thought she might enjoy it, I brought her as my plus one.”, he answered. Porco looked over at you before breaking contact and walking over to Marcel.

“Is he here?”, he asked his older brother. Marcel nodded and turned his head towards a group that was on the other side of where your group was standing. Porco nodded before he turned abc towards you.

“We need to talk.”, he said, not leaving any room for questions.

“She’s with me, Galliard.”, Reiner said, his voice unmoving. Porco glared at him, the height obviously different since Reiner was 6’1 and Porco was only 5’8. For some reason, there was more assertiveness from Porco. Reiner looked him in the eyes before slowly removing his arm and stepping to the side, obviously losing whatever dominance match they just had. Porco grabbed your hand and tugged you behind him, you followed willingly.

You followed behind him until you reached his car, he turned quickly before he placed you in front of the back of his car. You steadied and looked him in the eyes, you felt his hands go to your hips and motioned for you to jump up on the back, so you did. His hands never left your hips, but you didn’t complain, they felt nice on your body. There was a bit of tension in the air, unspoken words floating between the two of you.

“Why are you here?”, he asked sincerely, his voice calm but with a hint of annoyance underneath.

“Reiner invited me, to be honest, I didn’t know we were coming somewhere like this.”, you said softly, not lying to him because for some reason, you felt like you just couldn’t lie to Porco. All except for your family, he couldn’t know about that.

He sighed, and leaned forward, his arms on either side of you and looking into your eyes. He was in between your legs, and you stared back at him, your eyes flickering between his own. Your lips close to one another. The atmosphere is similar to the night in the car. How you wanted him to lean in again.

Neither of you moved until Porco broke eye contact first, your body full of disappointment.

“Stay close to the group and don’t wander off. I’ll give you a ride back home.”, he said frankly. “I don’t care if Reiner throws a bitch fit, he can get over it.”. Why was he being like this?

He helped you off the car and walked back with you to the group. You walked over to Pieck and Historia as Porco went back to Colt and Marcel.

“I’m going to find him. I need him to get the fucking hint.”, Porco said aggressively, but calmly at the same time. You didn’t know how he could do that so well but it was freaky. He started walking off, Marcel and Colt following behind him. You watched as they walked off, confused on who they were trying to find.

“Who are they looking for?”, you asked, Historia and Annie looked at you before you heard a voice behind you answer.

“They’re looking for Zeke and the Wall Rose U guys.”, Bertholdt said. They were here? You thought silently. You turned back and could still make out Porco, Marcel, and Colt’s figures. You contemplated for a moment before you turned around and started speed walking towards them. You heard Reiner and Historia calling your name but you kept walking, really sprinting, towards Porco and the guys.

You caught up to them and grabbed Porco’s hand. He turned around, a look of shock written on his face but he recovered before the other guys could see his face. “What are you doing?”

“Why are you looking for the Wall Rose U guys? What are you going to do?’, Porco looked at Colt and Marcel, a look that made them walk away and give you a bit of privacy. “I’m going to talk to Zeke. I need to settle this.”, he said.

“Settle what Porco? Some stupid dominance thing between him and his brother? It has nothing to do with you!”, you whispered but yelled at the same time, just not loud enough for anyone but him to hear it.

“It has everything to do with me. You don’t understand.”, Why wasn’t he explaining himself? Why was he keeping you in the dark?

“How does Eren and Zeke’s little fight have to do with you?”, you pressed.

“(Y/n), leave it.”

“No. Just tell me.”

“(Y/n), stop.”

“Just tell me!”, you whispered loudly again, growing annoyed with his resistance. You saw something in his eyes change, he sighed before he finally answered.

“It has to do with me because of you.”

Wait. What?

“W-what?”. You asked.

“Zeke sent Floch and his friends to the party to crash it. Because of me, you got caught in the middle of our mess. Floch should have never gotten anywhere near you.”, his eyes held truth in them, a part of you not understanding why he was taking this personally.

“Galliard. You’re here.”, a familiar voice came from behind him. He turned around, the blonde guy from the restroom standing behind the two of you. He looked at you, his eyes lighting up with recognition. “Oh, you know the Galliards?”, he asked. You looked at him and nodded slightly.

“Leave her out of it, Zeke.”, That was Zeke? The guy you helped find his glasses was the guy Porco had bad blood with? He was so nice to you earlier.

“Ah, found a new toy, huh?”, Zeke taunted, his eyes looking at you then back at Porco. He smirked, his eyes trailing up and down your body.

“Watch your fucking mouth.”, Porco’s eyes darkened at Zeke’s verbiage towards you, grabbing your hand and pulling you behind his body, blocking you from Zeke’s view.

“Relax. I’m not here to start trouble. I heard you were looking for me.”

“Yeah, I am.”, Zeke held eye contact with Porco, never breaking his rough exterior.

“You’ve been sending your little minions to cause trouble with me and mine. I suggest you tell them to back the fuck off.”, Did you just hear that right?

Me and mine.

“It’s not my problem you can’t handle yourself, Galliard.”

“I’m here to show you that I can.”

The tension got thicker with each second, by this point, there were people circling around the three of you. Everyone watching and whispering between each other. Porco looked at Zeke before opening his mouth to speak again.

“You and me. Winner takes all. One round.”, Porco challenged. Zeke looked at him with an amused look on his face before smirking.

“You have a deal, Galliard. Let’s hope you’re better with money than your sorry excuse for a-”, you didn’t even realize Porco had lunged at Zeke until Zeke was on the floor and his glasses were knocked off his face. You stared at him wide eyed before Zeke spit out a bit of blood.

“I said, watch your fucking mouth, Yeager.”, Zeke picked his glasses off the floor and stood up. His hand lunged forward, grabbing Porco by the collar. Both their eyes meet with the intent to kill.

“Alright guys. Calm the fuck down. Are we racing tonight or not?”, you looked over at an older man, he had short brown hair and barely any facial hair and a tan complexion.

“Magath.”, Zeke said.

“You boys better quit your fighting before we have to shut down for the night.”, his voice was deep and assertive. Both of them backed away from each other, but still glaring at one another. Magath stepped in the middle of the crowd, making sure everything was good.

“So, what are we betting boys?”

Zeke looked at Porco before putting down his base bet. “Let’s make this race worth it. It is winner take all. I say let’s start with $3,000.”

Your heart just dropped in your chest. $3.000?! Were they insane?!

Without skipping a beat, Porco pulled out two stacks of cash, each band reading $1,500 on it, and placed it in Magath’s hands and Zeke did the same. Zeke laughed at Porco, “Some balls you’ve got kid. Didn’t think you had it in you.”, and with that Zeke walked over to his car to get ready for the race.

Magath counted the money and nodded, everyone else running to him to place their bets before the race started. Porco had started to walk away before his eyes met yours. His hardened exterior grew soft almost immediately.

“Porco, how do you even just have $3.000 cash with you? Are you okay?”

“Don’t worry about it. Zeke will get what’s coming to him. He’s a spoiled little rich kid and I plan on making him quite literally pay for the shit he’s caused us.”

You looked at him, your heart beating fast in your chest. “Porco, just stop for a second. Why are you doing this?”

“I already told you why.”

“I don’t need you to protect me, especially not if it means losing $3,000!”, you pleaded with him, hoping he could call it off and keep his money.

“Who said anything about losing?”

“I’m not messing around Porco!”

“(Y/n), it’s fine.”

“No, it’s not. If you lose, I’ll spend every day blaming myself for making you lose that money.”

“(Y/n), it’s fine. It’ll be worth it.”, you look at him with a look of disbelief. How could he be okay with just betting $3.000? How would he be able to make that back? Your mind kept swirling with a hundred different thoughts until you got snapped back to reality when you felt Porco’s hands gentle on your face, making you look at him.

“Look, it’ll be okay. Wait for me with the rest of the group, I’ll find you after, okay?”, his eyes held promise, like he would make everything okay again. He stared at you for a moment too long, a moment that held something in it that you couldn’t quite place. He leaned forward, placing his lips on your forehead. Your heart jumped in your chest, more words being left unspoken between the two of you. You looked up at him and nodded, he let his hands fall and walked you to the group.

“Bets are down, we start the race soon.”, he told the group, all of them nodding as they watched Magath walk around asking who would be betting. Each one of them pulled out an envelope and handed it to him. Unknown to you, a pair of eyes were watching how close you and Porco were, and the jealousy hidden behind them was almost impossible to miss.

“Let’s go to the front then.”, you heard Marcel speak up, then went to whisper something to Porco who whispered something back. Marcel looked over at you before nodding to his younger brother. You followed the group as they made their way to the viewing area for the race.

You felt a sudden tug on your wrist, turning and meeting those warm yellow hues that looked at you with such an unknown emotion. You stare at him for a second longer before whispering a small “Be safe” to him, his eyes letting you know he would be.

Porco had gone off to his car, you noticed as he pulled it to the starting line. Another car joined him, which you could only assume was Zeke’s, and waited next to him. Magath went to the middle, waiting for the majority of the crowd to circle around.

“YEAGER?”, at the call of his name, Zeke revved his engine to signal his readiness.

“GALLIARD?”, Porco revved his engine in turn, signaling his readiness.

“THREE”,

The engines revved, the smoke starting to form.

“TWO”

Your heart started pounding in your chest.

“ONE!”

Both cars had hit full speed, Zeke’s lagging just a millisecond behind Porco’s. Both cars took off onto the road ahead, everyone cheering and watching from the view point. Your heart was beating in your chest as you watched them head towards the first turn.

Zeke seemed to catch up to Porco quickly, regardless of Porco’s head start. Zeke pulled forward to cut off Porco, but he pulled forward quickly enough that Zeke had to break a little to prevent from crashing into Porco’s charger. You could hear your heart in your ears, beating insanely fast and hard in your chest.

You could hear the crowd around you cheering, some of the girls next to you jumping and yelling. The adrenaline and excitement filled your body, you couldn’t seem to calm down from the rush of being a part of something like this. You could see the two cars side-by-side, both of them trying to make it to the next turn before the other.

“Go Porco!”, you heard Pieck yell out, Historia yelling with her and Marcel and Colt cheering with them. You could hear both of the engines sounding off in the distance, the distance making it difficult to differentiate the two cars from each other at this point.

There was only one last turn before the finish, you could see the clouds of smoke being made due to the high speeds of the cars. You could see Porco’s black charger pulling ahead of Zeke’s gray mustang, the two of them tightly next to each other as the road slowly narrowed, Porco slowly getting ahead.

“He needs to get in front before the road closes off.”, you heard Colt next to you.

“The road closes off?”, you turned to look at him and he nodded. “It gets too narrow for two cars to fit, so whoever gets ahead first gets a small lead, only by a few seconds before it opens up again.”, he explained, not taking his eyes off the cars in front of him.

There was only a few split seconds before the road narrowed, you noticed that the gray mustang went full force and cut off Porco’s charger. Your heart dropped in your chest, not taking your eyes off the scene in front of you as Porco followed closely behind Zeke. You were sure that Colt could hear your heart pounding in your chest as everyone kept cheering and screaming. Five seconds passed and they were exiting the road to the final turn. Zeke was still in the lead and you could sense the growing tension in the air as the seconds passed. The guys watched intently, cheering while the girls, besides Annie, cheered with them.

“C’mon Porco, c’mon.”, Marcel said to himself but you were able to catch it just then. There were only a few meters left till the end of the road. The crowd had turned into a screaming match between those who bet on Zeke and those who bet on Porco.

Both cars came in neck in neck, but full force, the dust cloud forming around them and making it unclear who passed the finish line first. The crowd had gone completely quiet, the dust settled after five long seconds. Magath walked forward, calling out the winner. The crowd cheering, others booing, and others bragging.

Every bone in your body had gone completely still, you felt as though you couldn’t breathe. You started forcing yourself to move forward, ignoring the sound of the group behind you and ran towards Porco’s car.

You saw him getting out of his car and you threw yourself at him, hugging him and your face hidden in his chest. He froze for a moment before placing his hands around you, moving them to your shoulders to pull you away so he could look at your face.

“Are you okay?”, he asked calmly. You shook your head before playfully punching him.

“How could you scare me like that?!”, you said to him and he just smiled at you. “I won didn’t I?” he said, smirking at you and you rolled your eyes. He placed an arm around your shoulders, bringing your body close to his, you felt a soft kiss on your head before he pulled away. The rest of the group had caught up and started to congratulate Porco. When the door to Zeke’s car opened, everyone turned to look at him, his demeanor had shifted from cool and collected to furious and embarrassed.

Zeke lost $6,000 in one race. Anyone would be mad after losing $6,000.

You looked over at him and his group, recognizing Floch and the guys from the party, Wim and Surma. Zeke said something to them and they all turned around to look at your group. You looked over at them, noticing how they were looking at Porco then back at you, unsure as to why then you realized Porco still had his arm around you.

“That was amazing, Porco!”, you heard Historia say, excited by the rush of adrenaline she just got.

“Yeah, I for sure thought you were a goner on that close off.”, Colt and Marcel jokes. You noticed Reiner was the only one who didn't congratulate Porco, his eyes full with an unknown emotion. You noticed that Magath had started walking over to the group, walking up to Porco with an envelope full of the prize money.

“Good job, wouldn’t expect anything less from our best driver.”, he said before shaking his hand. “Thanks, man.”, Porco said as he placed the cash in the pocket inside his jacket. The entire group stays a while longer talking and people come and go, giving their congratulations to Porco.

After fifteen minutes, everyone started walking back to where the group's cars were parked, Porco walking closely next to you. You walked over and leaned on Colt’s car while the rest of them were gathered around Reiner and Marcel’s.

“You know, for my first time, this was pretty fun.”, you told Porco, hoping to break the silence that had fallen over the two of you.

“Yeah, it was pretty great being able to make Zeke lose $6,000.”, he said smoothly, as he leaned on the car behind him, which was his own, making the both of you face each other.

“Why did you even bet so much money on one race? What if you had lost?”, you asked him and he leaned forward, taking your hand in his. “I wanted Zeke to understand to leave me and my friends alone, that we aren’t his little pawns anymore. He got you involved in our mess, $6,000 needed to get that message across.”

“Yeah, I get it.”, you said softly, looking down at your hands, his thumb brushing the top of your hand softly. The comfortable silence fell over the two of you again, and Porco pushed himself off his car, his stature taller than yours, over you. His eyes flicker between your own, even you could feel the pull between the two of you. Just then, the moment was ruined.

“Hey, we’re heading out soon.”, you heard Marcel call out. The two of you turned to look at him and nodded. “Well, are you going to ride with me?”, he didn’t even have to ask. You nodded and practically threw yourself into his car. He opened the door for you to get in before closing the door and walking to his side. He stayed standing for a moment, unknown to you, staring off with someone else from afar, before getting into the car and turning it on.

The ride home was quiet, be you leaned the seat back a little, Porco taking your hand in his and driving in comfortable silence the entire way home.

A/N: Thank you guys for being so patient for this! I had graduation recently and work has been scheduling me like crazy, but I hope the longer chapters help make up for it!

Hope you guys liked this chapter and the next one will be posted next week!

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sonofthesaiyans · 2 years

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I cannot be the only one who is deeply offended by this image.

It only flashes in the S4 Part 2 intro briefly, but it's a cruel reminder of what was given up in favor of someone....someTHING.... that was so inconsequential.

i cannot imagine how trading in Ymir for a badly underdeveloped and unlikable character like Porco could ever possibly be seen as the right choice made by anybody. Forget Falco for a bit, Porco was a character with rather poorly established motivations and never felt either three dimensional or necessary. I was not impressed with how this dumb fuck handled the transferral of the Jaw Titan, but Porco is clearly just a placeholder between Ymir and Porco at the end of the day, and neither one of them have any well established connection to Ymir after consuming not just her but her memories as well. I presume.

Ymir was by far the most mysterious and intriguing of the cast for her long and tragic history and her story, her story with Historia was unceremoniously shafted for a far less engaging plot that more often than not felt contrived. Ymir became an afterthought for a newbie who became little more than a footnote in this story and all as a flagrant plot device for Falco. Sure he may be more watchable than Gabi but do I think Falco fits in the narrative in the way he was similarly forced in? NO.

Killing off Ymir for Porco's sake is a mistake that's right up there with Assassin's Bullet. Objectively Ymir is probably the one who got the most fucked over.

I'd like to fuck over you, Isayama. You had your fun.

There is no Attack on Titan without Ymir.

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bunboxtoyou · 2 years

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a comforting teashop

had this idea in my head for a while but the writing inspo barely hit me now, sorry for typos, haven’t proofread cuz i want to sleep, will check when i wake, also sorry if it sounds like a ramble i was in a mood, thx for reading

tags: angst, comfort, minor spoilers, major? spoilers, idk it takes place after the war stuff, so i guess spoilers after ch. 139, alluding to pieck/porco and levi/erwin but its up to you its not fully stated, NOT levi/pieck but if you want it could be too, very much up to interpretation

the familiar atmosphere of freshly brewed tea alongside the smell of baked good has become a comforting source for our two veterans. they’ve become accustomed to working together after the war had ended. although they did fight alongside each other, they were not close. it wasn’t until years had gone by, where they were both trying to find what to do with themselves. after all, it was by a miracle that they even got to live longer than expected.

while they were recovering so was everyone else, some going back to the island and some choosing to stay. of course going back to ruins wasn’t easy but they all did what they could. staying back due to his injury and also needing some help to move around, levi found himself living among who once was the enemy. he also found himself in their care, often being led around by gabby and falco as they try to rebuild their lives together.

for pieck on the other hand, she was unsure where she would reside. in some ways she felt that she betrayed the goal, but also knew that they did the best they could in the end. it doesn’t mean the thoughts don’t eat her up at night, along with the images of her fallen comrade. just the one comrade in particular, the image of his face all bloodied as he gave himself up.

it haunts her, but she is not the only one with these nightmares. the stoic captain himself has seemingly grown used to seeing fallen soldiers, but all that is a façade he has forced himself to show outside. in truth, he is still haunted by the images of his family torn apart and his squad being thrown around. worst of all he is haunted by the moments of his commander taking his last breath. he knows he could have saved him, but did he really want his to suffer more than he already did. this was his way out, why would levi rob him of the freedom he finally had. the only freedom any soldier had.

as these two are plagued with these horrifying thoughts, there is also a small silver lining. a small shop that was run down in marley, had been restored as a gift to the ex-captain himself. a gift from his fellow comrades as their final goodbye, as they depart for new ventures back home. the home levi no longer calls home, it now seems so desolate after losing everything he had. having to start anew in the place he once fought against, but it feels awfully comforting in a way. it became his distraction, of course he had to have the occasional help of gabby and falco but he did not mind it at all. it was only when their parents intervened to also help out, it made him feel useless. even though it was for the better, they insisted he couldn’t handle running the whole shop himself so he needed to accept some sort of help. of course he could not hire a stranger, especially with the guilt he held so it seemed he wouldn’t be able to run this business fully.

that was until pieck had volunteered herself to help work around the shop. it was a shock for them all, mostly from the surprise of seeing she had stayed back in marley instead of leaving with the ex-scouts back to the island. of course she had thought about escaping her old home to join the island devils once more, but she decided to stay and work through her guilt towards her home.

at first levi was reluctant to let her join, but he felt he owed it to her. especially for having to lug him around so much during the war, but also for trusting hange and not killing them immediately. so with that, he no longer had to worry about the parents watching over him and no longer had to keep the kids away from living their own lives. it gave him a complete clear conscious, something he rarely felt.

at the start of their working together levi made it very clear on what he would handle on his own. pieck had no qualms about his choices, she agreed she would help only when needed as long as she got to do her own thing. while levi had his teas it came to a surprise that pieck had her baked goods, particularly scones and biscuits. it was the perfect mix of their hobbies that made their business become a nice little comfortable spot for the community, and at the same time they were finding the comfort they needed as well.

while it is true their nights are sometimes haunted with those traumatic incidents, it seems that they have gone down just a bit. only for a bit though, because sometimes the smell of a fresh brew reminds levi of those late night meetings he’d have with erwin. especially those nights before expeditions when they both thought it could be their last. sometimes pieck spills her mix because she sees porco asking when the scones will be done, she even swears she can her his voice calling out that her baking is burning right before the timer goes off.

all these memories play in their heads, but they’ve become bittersweet. when the day finally ends they take what’s left over and enjoy it themselves in silence. no words are needed, not even when they notice the other’s shaky hands or the single tear that falls down a tired face. they don’t need to be discussed because the feeling is mutual. the guilt they share will remain but the scones can make it taste a little sweeter and the tea can help wash away some of the fears they once had. this is their new way of living, this is their way of coping. this is what their peace looks like, for however long they manage. the small teashop in marley, a new home.

#aot #levi ackerman #fanfiction #aot fanfiction #pieck aot #levi aot #porco galliard #aot erwin #erwin smith #levi angst #aot angst #pieck x porco #levi x erwin #pieck finger #aot porco #angst #fanfic #attack on titan #shingeki no kyoujin fanfiction

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gloriousporcodenial · 2 years

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I was tired this morning (June 9th) and my brain told me that I had to draw something heartbreaking, so have Porco seeing his s/o (from Paradis) discovering that he is in fact an enemy... Also these are actually small doodles, they don't exceed 3cm I think.

Also I thought this song would fit (the chorus with the woman voice in particular), and I checked the lyrics, turns out it works pretty well ! That songs gives me feels, even more now that I get what it says ^^

(Warum - Knorkator)

I have weird music tastes and I have so many German songs since last year that half my playlist is in a language that I don't know at all. I went from Rammstein only to more then 25 German bands now, lol !

#porco galliard #Porco #Galliard #Jaw titan #angst #i am sad

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mochalate · 13 days

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[3] precipice ; porco galliard (2/2)

pairing: porco galliard/f!reader chapter word count: 24.6 k chapter content/warnings: secret meetings in the dark, crushing on your bf/gf, porco's scandalous sexual history, some angsting about marcel, girls' night out chapter summary: The most precious secrets are the ones that are the hardest to keep. a/n: this is overdue, isn't it? 🤭🤭posting as two parts because I learned tumblr has a post length limit!! As always, please let me know what you think, I love hearing from my fellow galliard girlies. <3 Read on AO3? || See Series Masterlist? [<-Chapter 3 (1/2)][Chapter 4->]

The old woman gives Porco his change. The coins are cold against his palm, from sitting near her ice chest. He doesn’t like how they jingle in his pockets with every step; and he plans to give them to the children, once he gets back to them.

“Just the one, dearie?” she asks, in her quakey voice.

Porco nods.

Her husband hands him the ice cream cone wrapped in tissue. He says something too, but the man doesn’t have enough teeth left for Porco to make out the words.

“Thank you,” he replies, hoping it’s appropriate. “It’s good to see you two as well.”

It’s a pleasantly warm afternoon, but they’re both bundled up in matching brown coats. Pigeons flock at their feet, pecking at the breadcrumbs they’ve scattered around. They’re sitting on one of the wooden benches under the elms that line the path through the park. Mottled light filters through the drying, thinning leaves in large patches— Liberio is entering autumn. It's fairly crowded, with people wanting to enjoy the cooler weather.

(It’s a nice day, for once.)

The old woman— Porco doesn’t know her name, but she’s been here for as long as he can remember— gives him a wry smile. “He asked if you wanted spoons, to share with your lady friend.”

Porco swallows. “It’s not like that. We’re— we’re colleagues.” He can feel the chill emanating from the ice cream against the sudden, anxious warmth on his skin.

“That’s what I told him!” She smacks the man across his upper arm. “No armband on her! She’s one of us, you old lout. Don’t you go getting this poor boy in trouble.”

Her husband chuckles.

Porco thanks them again, and begins walking back; but the exchange has his nerves on edge. Was he being careless? Was this too dangerous? This was a mistake. It was selfish of him to ask you to come here, out in the daylight.

The carpet of red and yellow leaves crunches under his boots. He sees you alone on the bench. Your uniform is stark white against the muted, earthy colours around you. Just a nurse; spending her lunch break out in the only green patch for miles around.

You’re watching the children play. They’ve somehow roped Colt into their game while Porco was gone, and he’s chasing them across the grass.

“Po— Galliard,” you greet him pleasantly as he comes up.

Right. You’re a nurse from the hospital nearby, and he’s Galliard. It couldn’t be any other way, not out here; no matter how much he felt otherwise when he looked at you. He’s stupid to have forgotten that. He’s stupid to have forced you into it.

Porco hands you the cone, and pulls his hand back even though he wants to let his fingers linger against yours for a little longer.

“For me?” you ask, pleased. “I was wondering what was taking you so long. Thank you!”

The delight on your face makes him guilty, somehow. “You didn’t get any for yourself earlier.”

You lick the ice cream. “I didn’t know if I was supposed to. All their customers were…”

“Eldian,” he completes. He swallows back a sigh, and goes to lean against the tree behind the bench. Stupid.

You turn to look at him with a sad smile. “You can’t sit with me, can you?”

“It’s not a good idea,” he says softly. “I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for? It’s not your fault.” You tell him, turning back.

This is a public park, and it’s one of the handful of areas outside the internment zone that’s open to Liberio’s Eldian population— upon obtaining permission from the relevant authorities, of course. And still, the two peoples separate like oil and water. The path that runs through the middle of the park is a boundary. You’re allowed to be here, but on this side— the Eldian side— you’re an oddity.

(Of course, no one on this side dares say anything about it. But they do stay away; and none of the other children join in with the candidates’ game.)

“You and Colt seemed friendly with that old couple,” you comment, still looking ahead. “Who are they? They weren’t wearing armbands.”

The old Marleyan couple has been here since before he was born, and he's sure they'll be here long after he's gone. “Their son was in the military,” he explains. “An Eldian saved his ass thirty years ago, and carried him back behind the lines after he lost his legs to a landmine.”

“That's terrible.”

“Well, he survived. And now he runs an ice cream shop, so mom and dad express their gratitude by bringing some over every weekend for the Eldian kids.”

You sound impressed. “They've been doing it for thirty years?”

“Give or take. We don’t buy anything from the regular shops because…” He trails off. Because, there’s a good chance they would add rat poison to the sprinkles— but he doesn’t want to tell you that.

He doesn’t have to continue though, since Colt chooses this moment to trip and fall teeth first into the grass.

(Again, Porco thinks in disbelief. Good luck for everyone but himself.)

Colt picks himself up but stays on his hands and knees, breathing heavily. You gasp out a soft ‘oh no’. The children worriedly look at each other, suddenly silent, and cautiously approach him.

You're trying to hurriedly hand Porco your cone to go check on him when Colt explodes upwards, and tackles Falco to the ground with a triumphant cry. The other three shriek and scatter.

Porco watches you laugh, sitting back down with your arm resting across the back of the bench. He watches the ice cream melt, beginning to run down your fingers. Something squeezes his heart. He really does want to hold your hand.

“Hey,” he says. “My throat’s been kind of sore.”

You scrunch your eyebrows as you look up at him. The dappled sunlight shines across your face. “Warm water will—”

“I think I'm going to go get it checked at the hospital before I head home.”

Your frown deepens in confusion before understanding dawns. “Oh! Oh, you could do that. Yes.”

“I'm going to tell Colt I'm leaving. You're uh, you're probably heading to your shift after you finish eating, right?”

You nod, incredibly seriously.

And so Porco finds himself, about twenty minutes later, at the reception counter in Liberio General’s marbled foyer. The nurse on duty is a small woman, with her black hair in a wavy— almost curly— bob. She’s standing; but she’s short enough that her shoulders barely clear the tall counter. The way she’s staring at him is unnerving.

It’s because she’s staring at him, Porco realises. Not at the armband.

“Uhm…” he says, because the silence has stretched on for a fair bit now. “Like I said, I wanted to see our regular nurse but she wasn’t at—”

She blinks at him. Her eyes are large and round. “You look fine. Really fine. Wow.”

Porco blinks back. “... thank you? But I—”

“Were you really going to die, or would you have been fine anyway if they just let you steam in the corner for a bit?”

Porco thinks he should probably be offended by this, but there isn’t even a hint of malice in her words— which is impressive, because those were hard words to say without malice. And honestly, with that uniform, she reminds him of you; just a little. So he decides to engage with her.

“…Are you talking about back in the Mid-East? Were you there?”

“I wasn’t with you, but I was there.” She leans closer. “So, were you? Going to die.”

“I was bleeding pretty bad. Probably would have.”

“Wow. I wish I could heal like you.” She pulls back her sleeve, and shows him a long, thin burn on her forearm. “Got this from a pot. It’s so ugly.”

“It’s not that bad,” Porco assures her. It really isn’t. “Can I see my usual nurse? Her name is—”

“I know who your nurse is. She’s not here yet, though. What seems to be the problem?”

He doesn’t think he can get away with a sore throat. “My, uh, eye hurts. And sometimes I see spots. Big ones.”

She frowns. “And it won't heal itself? It sounds like you need a doctor, not a nurse. I can make you an appointment—”

“No! She… she needs to get me a referral. I’m uh, military property, after all. Can’t go around making my own appointments.”

“Oh, is that how it works? That’s inconvenient.” She sounds genuinely sympathetic.

Porco almost feels bad for the blatant lie. “It is.”

“Hmm. But she’s not here yet.” The nurse thoughtfully taps her chin. “If it hurts real bad, I can get a surgeon to smash your skull in and then we can wait for the whole thing to reset. That should fix it.” She looks pleased with this idea. “I don’t think we need a surgeon for it at all! You wouldn’t even have to wait.”

Porco’s mouth falls open. “Helos, lady. You know I can still feel the pain, right?”

“You can?” She looks shocked. “Oh my. That’s inconvenient.”

“…It is.”

Porco’s almost ready to go and take his chances back at the park; when you pop into his vision, a little breathless.

“Hi, Hannah.” you say to the nurse at the counter.

She chirps back a greeting. “You’re breathing hard. Did you run here or something?”

“Thought I’d be late.” Then you turn to Porco, biting your lip. He thinks he can hear a barely-suppressed giggle in your voice. “What are you doing here, Galliard?”

The nurse at the counter— Hannah, she seems to be your friend, so he tells himself to remember her name— tells you about his eye.

“Ah, it is an immune privileged site,” you tell her. “It makes sense.”

“Oh, it does! Why didn’t I think of that?” Hannah gasps. “Will we really have to smash in his skull to fix it after all?”

You look stunned, and more than a little concerned. “Why are we— ? Hannah, did you tell him we’d do that?”

“It was just a suggestion,” she says sheepishly. “Look, lunch is almost over, but why don’t you go have a look at him in exam room three? That’s Dr. Klein’s today, and he’s always late. There’s time.”

“Dr. Klein…” you mutter. “Thanks, Hannah. I’ll do that before clocking in then, okay?”

You barely wait for her to answer, before giving his sleeve a tug— his heart skips a beat— and leading him out of the foyer. The examination room is only a short distance down the corridor. You hold the door open for him to follow you inside.

This room is far more spacious than number sixteen. It’s about half the size of the clinic. The walls are made of panelled wood, and the shelving doesn't seem to overflow. Sunlight shines through the tall windows.

(Porco doesn’t know when he started finding the smell of antiseptic and the sight of sterilised steel to be this comforting.)

He leans comfortably against the examination table. He's never been here before, yet it feels strangely familiar, as he watches you moving around. You’re drawing the curtains. The room dims, but the curtains are light; and the day outside is sunny, so it’s still fairly well-lit.

“Can you sit on the table, please?” you ask him, as you rummage through the drawers. “In case anyone comes in without knocking.”

He obliges.

You pull out a small penlight from one of the drawers. “So, something is wrong with your eyes, is it?” It flashes on and off, as you make sure it works.

Porco can see you relax too. The practised, formal expression melts off your face. You come to stand between his legs; and when you look at him again, your eyes are full of affection.

(He puts his hands around your waist, just like last time. But this time, he doesn’t need to let you go.)

Fuck, he thinks. Beautiful. He isn’t capable of making longer sentences at the moment.

And he can’t hold himself back anymore. He grabs your face between his palms, and kisses you. You make a muffled noise, but you don’t resist.

“Would it be cheesy to say,” he says after, with his hands still on your cheeks, and his forehead resting against yours, “that something’s wrong with them, because I can’t stop looking at you?”

“Incredibly cheesy. But I don’t mind.”

Porco hums, and tugs your hands into his lap. His back is to the door. Like this, no one coming in can see how your fingers are intertwined with his. Finally.

It feels quiet.

He realises his mind has been noisy all day; anxiously trying to keep this secret. Trying to live in two worlds at once— one where he's supposed to be, and one here with you.

Maybe he should be saying something, and making the most of this brief time he has alone with you. But somehow, he’s content just like this; holding your hand, feeling its warmth without words.

“Porco,” you say, looking down and gently squeezing his fingers, “thank you for coming to see me again.”

“I promised, didn’t I?” He squeezes back. “Hey, look at me. I’ll always come back to you, alright? Don’t ever doubt that.”

You open your mouth to say something else; but there’s a knock on the door. You jolt backwards and wrench one of your hands out of his, to grab the penlight. It clicks on just as the door swings open.

It’s Hannah from earlier, here to tell you Dr. Klein would arrive in five minutes.

You look calm, and your voice is level when you tell her you’re almost done. But Porco can feel your hand trembling in his.

It's noisy again. And too bright.

It wasn’t always like this.

No, that’s not entirely true. It used to be like this. Then it wasn’t for a little while. And now it is again.

For a little while, you weren’t scared of doing things. You thought you finally knew what those right answers were, and figured that the ones that didn’t really make sense to you didn’t make sense to anyone— especially not the people here in the hospital. You thought you didn’t have to make those choices you didn’t agree with.

That’s why you told Dr. Klein he had to try and save Julie.

That’s how you learned you were wrong.

And now here you are again, terrified of taking a step outside the lines.

It’s certainly easier this way.

(It is, it is.)

Did you get it right the first time? Or were you just making old mistakes?

(You admire Porco; and how casually he’d asked you to join him at the park, and then at the hospital. You feel terrible that you haven’t been able to bring yourself to do the same for him.)

“Sorry, I'd invite you, but…”

When Eileen gives you that apologetic look, uncomfortably fiddling with the end of one of her long, red braids; the easiest thing to do is to say you understand, that it’s alright. And then you watch her scurry away down the corridor to join the other nurses about to take their break out on the grounds.

Eileen had graduated with you.

She was from a small town too, but not as good as yours, so maybe that was why she knew the answers so very well. You’re sure she must have sworn up and down to the disciplinary board that you’d made a mistake.

You can’t find it in yourself to blame her.

One of the nurses glances back over her shoulder as she’s leaving, and accidentally catches your eye. You desperately try to stop yourself, but you can’t help the flash of hope. Maybe they changed their minds, maybe Eileen convinced them that—

Then she whips her face forward, and leans towards Eileen to whisper something. They erupt into giggles.

It's pathetic, you think as they disappear around the corner, that it still upsets you this much.

You’d thought it would be different, after being away for months in the Mid-East; hoped that was enough time for them to forget. But nothing has changed. You’re still the one who made a mistake— the one who wouldn’t even admit to it.

The one who it was better not to talk to, just in case.

You’re standing in the corridor outside one of the general wards. It’s a quiet night. In the ward, there’s just an assortment of allergies, and a few broken bones. Only a handful of the rickety cots with their starched white sheets and thin pillows are occupied.

It’s not nearly busy enough to keep you distracted from how terribly your shift is going; and there’s still hours left before you can go home. You sigh, and lean your back against the wall.

The hospital has had lightbulbs installed recently. They burn yellow under their flower-shaped lamp shades, all along the corridor. You tilt your head to peek underneath; fascinated by the loops of glowing filament.

Would it have made a difference, you wonder, if it had been this bright back then?

The memory makes your stomach churn. You turn your gaze down towards the dull red carpet, trying to blink away the ghostly afterimage of the bulb’s guts.

The night of the accident had been a new moon, dark and cloudless. There hadn’t been any bulbs then. Just a thousand candles lining the corridors; the windows shut to keep them from going out. The stuffy heat of the flames and what felt like a hundred bodies packed into the narrow space, a writhing mass of white bandages and the red and brown of blood, too enveloped in strange shadows to make out where each person started and ended; only the noise of children wailing for their mothers, people calling out other’s names. So many names.

Stephen, Stephen, are you here? Please, is my son Stephen here?

Have you seen Sarah?

Maria…? No, no, NO!

And then there was Julie.

Silent.

(No, not silent. Not entirely, not yet.)

You’re so lost in reminiscing, you don’t notice the muted thumping of the wooden cane on the thin carpet, until its owner is right beside you.

“I was hoping you would be here,” a man’s voice says.

You’re jolted out of the memory. Exhaling, you look to the side.

(You remember that voice, how could you forget?)

“Director Klein. Good evening, sir.”

The old man adjusts his cane. “And a good evening to you too, my dear. Would you join me in my office?”

He doesn’t wait for your answer. It wasn’t really a question, after all. The Director rarely asks questions. You push yourself off the wall to follow him further up the corridor.

White. That’s always your first impression of him. Snow white hair and beard— both neatly clipped and combed— and a white shirt under a pristine, long, white coat. You’re sure he carries that cane purely for the effect the carved golden handle has on people; because his back is straight and his steps are strong and confident, as he makes his way up to his office. He's missing at least fifteen of his seventy years.

You remember the last time you walked behind him, down this exact path, with blood crusted under your fingernails, and stained into that skirt you would eventually go home and throw away.

My son was alive, ALIVE!

Ma’am, it was a mistake in the paperwork—

Yes, a mistake! Yours!

Director Klein’s office hasn’t changed, either— tall bookcases, stuffed with leather bound volumes; and the walls so covered with photographs and certificates you would be hard pressed to find a square inch of the flowery wallpaper underneath. He takes his seat behind the heavy cherrywood desk.

You’re left standing in the middle of a room that feels cramped enough to make you claustrophobic; and yet big enough to have you feeling small and awkward at the same time.

“How are you?” he asks. There’s sincerity in his voice.

“Fine. I… fit in better than I thought I would, there.”

“You can still come back.”

You swallow, and look away. “I still don’t want to.”

“I’m only trying to help you, child. Don't be stubborn.”

He sounds concerned. He sounded concerned that night too, when you really thought you could have made a difference by pleading your case.

Dr. Klein, you agreed with me. Why are you—

I didn't have time to check for myself! You really must have made a mistake!

“I appreciate you offering, sir. But I think it would just cause a lot of trouble if I came back here full time. I’m— it's not worth it.”

Dad, she's a new nurse. It's understandable. But our reputation is on the line. You need to clear it up with the committee so they don't think a doctor—

The Director scrutinises you for a few moments. Then he sighs. For a second, he looks much more like the old man he is. “Very well. It's not what I wanted to discuss. Please, sit.”

You sit.

He reaches down to open his desk drawer, and pulls out a red folder that he slides across towards you. It’s emblazoned with the military coat of arms.

You look curiously at him. He gestures for you to open it. You do, and find a single sheet of paper.

“A confidentiality agreement?” Your heart beats a little faster; but a quick skim reveals no details, except for a vague description of titan research. “What for?”

The Director raises an eyebrow. “It wouldn’t be much of an agreement if I could just tell you.”

You read the document again, slower this time. Project Merlot, proclaims the bold type on top of the page.

“You can’t tell me anything?”

“Not unless you sign.”

The idea is exciting. I wish I had something interesting to tell you, is what you’d said to Porco. Well, here it is. Something outside the routine of the clinic, and something other than being treated like you have a contagious disease.

What gives you pause, however, is the fact that it has something to do with titans. ‘Research on titans’, especially where the military is concerned, was just a polite way to say ‘experimenting on Eldians’.

(The memory of Falco, trying to hide his nervousness flashes through your mind. One of the most insidious rumours about Eldians is that they don’t feel pain. You know how much of a lie that is.)

“Why would you want me on this?” you ask the director, frowning. “Considering… my reputation.”

He peers at you over his glasses. “Zeke Yeager requested you specifically.”

You’re surprised. Why would an Eldian want to take the lead on a project like this? “He’s involved?”

There’s a hint of a smile on the Director’s face. “Again, I couldn’t tell you. I’ve signed one of these myself.” He takes off his glasses, and produces a soft-looking cleaning cloth from his breast pocket. “I admit this probably won’t be the most pleasant of projects,” he says, wiping the lenses, “but if I may venture to say so, it is precisely because of your reputation that I think it would be better with you on it.”

You stay silent, unsure.

“You can take a day to think it through, if you prefer.”

The thought of asking Porco what he thinks half-forms in your mind; but suddenly, you’re annoyed— annoyed that you’re so scared all the time, that you can’t seem to bring yourself to do things without some kind of permission, even when the opportunity seems to fall into your lap.

Things have to change.

“May I borrow a pen?”

The Director smiles— it’s a rare sight— and gives you the one from his breast pocket. You take a deep breath, and hover over the dotted line for just a second, before signing your name in glossy black ink.

In the back of your mind, you know this is objectively going to be a terrible job— one which will more likely than not end with you having to throw more bloodstained skirts away. That’s why you’re the one signing your name, and not the children of one of the higher ranking officials. It’s how these things usually work.

But as you close the door to the Director’s office behind you, you find yourself feeling more and more like you won’t regret it. Not if you can help make sure even one person suffers a little less. It’s what you’re good at.

“Ah— I was hoping you’d still be here.”

It feels like déjà vu, when you turn to the side. He looks so much like his father.

“Doctor,” you say. You don’t greet him any further.

Benjamin Klein awkwardly shuffles his feet. The last time you saw him, he had all the charm that came with being the son of a rich, important man— it had dazzled you too. Right now though, he looks a little small.

“How are you? Is the new appointment treating you—”

“I’m sorry, I’ve been away from my post for too long. Please excuse me.” You walk past him, back towards the general ward.

It feels awful, being even slightly rude to him. You think you may throw up right there from the nerves; all over his shiny leather shoes. But if you’re going to stop being scared, biting your tongue and being nice to this man simply doesn’t fit. No matter how powerful he is.

He doesn’t take the hint. That probably also had to do with being the son of a rich, important man.

“I feel terrible about what happened. It’s been a while now, and—” he starts saying, following along beside you.

And you think it’s okay to be seen talking to me again.

“— we never got to have that cup of coffee together. Will you let me make it up to you?”

There had been a time, when those meaningless flirtations he would offer you had actually made you happy. But now you’re at the ward doors, about to step back into that cold place; and all you can think is that he’s incredibly selfish.

“I don’t think I’m free, doctor.”

You catch only a glimpse of his disappointed face, as the doors swing closed.

For the longest time, you’d tried to force yourself to believe that no one had had any choice in that whole affair. But then Porco had shown you that there was always a choice.

Doctor Klein hadn’t been alone in the choices he’d made that night. You know you’re not the only one who saw that the little Marleyan boy was beyond help. You know that there were several eyes who couldn’t meet yours as you pleaded with his mother in the middle of the corridor, while your fingers were still sticky with Julie’s blood.

You shake your head to clear it. Being at the hospital always brought the memories back, but there’s no point remembering any of the details now.

(Even if no one will let you forget it.)

Eileen and the others are back. It doesn’t even cross your mind to try and approach any of them. The distance feels too big to cross by yourself.

You’re neither here nor there now, you realise— rejected by Marleyans, yet still distrusted by Eldians.

That was the strange thing about the military base, you think. It’s the strictest place— by far— when it came to marking out that boundary. But it’s also where it blurred the most; in a way it never could outside the battlefield. Fighting beside someone, bleeding beside them was a camaraderie that turned it into a line in the sand, right up at the edge of the waves.

You know that kind of connection, forged in blood, is dangerously addictive.

It’s still the best place for you to be.

You’re distracted by a tap on your shoulder, and someone calling your name, for the third time tonight. You turn, half-expecting the ghost of the deceased, previous Director Klein.

But it’s only Hannah.

(It’s still unexpected, since this ward is the farthest from the administrative wing, but not as much.)

“Took you long enough!” She brandishes a folder at you. “I didn’t trust those bitches to give this to you if I left it with them. Here, it’s a temporary schedule for next week…”

For someone with less than two years to live, Porco thinks as he leans into the plush meeting room chair and tips his head back to stare at the ceiling, Zeke really is taking his sweet time.

Just like the walls, there’s not much to look at up there— there aren’t even any windows in the room. Porco figures it’s more paranoia than any actual need for security, here on the third floor.

(After all, there was plenty of time to dream up imaginary assassins, when the last time you faced a real enemy was twenty years ago.)

It’s his first time being deemed important enough to be here. This is the fancy meeting room— the one where the asses usually occupying these chairs are highly paid, and have great retirement benefits. Where you walk in, and are immediately faced with a row of larger-than-life, grandiose portraits of former Generals; decorated with medals and standing in front of red velvet curtain backgrounds.

Like he said, not much to look at.

Porco gets up, and walks towards the only things worth anyone’s attention in the room— the row of copper plaques right below the paintings. He runs his hand over the engraving. Names. Dozens of names, his among them. Marley’s titan holders.

Their names, and their years of service.

(Only the years of service. The military didn’t care when you were born, or how long you’d gotten to grow up.)

He follows the lists down to the very end, running his fingers over each line, letting the syllables of each name rest in his mind for a second before moving on to the next. He’d like it if someone would do that for him, he figures.

And then he arrives at his own.

Porco Galliard: 850 —

It's like an open grave. He tries to imagine what it would look like in ten years, picturing the curves of the eight and the six and the three that would one day be carved into the plate.

For a moment, he’s surprised by how naturally the number comes to him. And then he steels himself. No, there’s nothing surprising about it. He will make sure he gets his full term. He won’t leave you behind any sooner than he has to.

Porco’s eyes flick to the name above.

Marcel Galliard. 845-846.

One year. The twelve years before; with all the meals they’d shared, the times they’d walked home together, the countless memories of birthdays, of fights, and just plain talking in the middle of the night— none of that was worthy of being recorded. No, just the one year.

(A rare courtesy from the military, really. Marcel hadn’t actually made it past the winter.)

Maybe it was for the higher ups too, Porco muses. To help them rationalise how they treated people like tools, simply discarded once they were too blunt to use.

But they aren’t just tools, they’re people; and they stubbornly persist.

The memories of a direct predecessor came like remembered dreams— the details always vague, but sometimes the emotions were remarkably clear. But going back any further was difficult. There was no telling what could trigger it. Porco had spent hours in their old room after he inherited the Jaw, rummaging through Marcel’s things— increasingly desperately— to no avail.

But that didn’t mean they weren’t there.

Pieck tells him of an inexplicable happiness, a sense of security when she smells apple pies now. In the brief time they’d had before Marcel was sent to Paradis, he’d suddenly been able to cut and shuffle a deck of cards like a seasoned magician. Porco now gets uneasy on snowy days, when he used to love them.

(He can’t help but feel he got the short end of the stick there, somehow.)

He wonders what will be left of you, in the memories he has to pass down. Will his successors love sweet vanilla, like he tasted on your lips? Will they be comforted by the sight of the elms lining the streets in the old part of the city? Maybe they would feel strangely compelled to turn their eyes to the ground, and watch the swaying shadows of the leaves on the cobblestone.

Porco misses you.

He hasn’t been able to talk to you— really talk to you— for two days now; not since you anxiously approached him on the training grounds under the guise of having to reschedule his regular checkup, and told him about the temporary schedule that would have you working the evening shifts at the hospital all week.

(Porco can only think God had decided to fuck it up for him again.)

(One time, when he’d made a similar comment, Colt had said with some surprise that he didn’t think Porco was the religious type. Porco doesn’t really think of himself as a religious type either, he just likes having something to be angry with.)

He glances at the clock on the wall. You should be locking up the clinic right about now, busily wiping down the counters and locking the cabinets.

“What are you smiling about, Pock?” Pieck asks him.

He’s shocked that he didn’t hear her coming up to him, and that he hadn’t remembered to keep his face straight while he was thinking about you. “Nothing. Just in a good mood.”

She looks at him wryly. “I won’t say you’re never in a good mood, but it’s rare, and you’ve been grumpy all day so far.” I’m not buying it, her eyes say.

Drop it, he says, rolling his own. “Seriously, it’s nothing.”

She sighs dramatically. “You’ve been so distant lately.”

It’s a lighthearted comment, but Porco immediately feels guilty. There’s never been a lot he doesn’t share with her, not since they became the two left behind. “Pieck, I—”

Pieck smiles and pats his shoulder. “It’s just a joke. I’m not going anywhere yet, don’t worry.”

(Her name is, after all, right above Marcel’s.)

He thinks this is the part where he should be a good friend, and reassure her that he’s not shutting her out. Tell her he’ll tell her later, at a better time. But he knows there will never be a time where he wouldn’t be burdening her with his secret. So he just swallows, and nods.

“I haven’t been in here in a long time,” she comments. “The plaques are a little creepy, right?”

More than a little, if he’s being honest. “It’s like they can’t wait to get rid of us.”

“Good luck to them.” Pieck runs her finger up the list; going back thirty, forty years. It stops, on one Francis Zimmer. “Him. He’s the one who liked apple pie, I think. I looked through the newspaper archives in the public library.” She looks a little sad as she continues. “He asked for it as his last meal.”

Porco bumps her with his elbow. “Don’t go getting all mopey on me until after the meeting, please.”

“I won’t, that’s your job,” she teases back. “How about we go sit down again? I think Reiner must be getting lonely.”

Porco glances back over his shoulder, to where Reiner is still sitting at the long meeting table. He’s poured himself some water, but it sits untouched in front of him; as he forlornly contemplates it.

“I think he’s about to start crying into his glass,” Porco says incredulously. “I don’t want to be there for that.”

Pieck sighs. “He’s been through a lot, Pock. Cut him some slack.”

“I cut him plenty of slack,” Porco scoffs.

He’s about to continue, but there’s voices in the corridor, and the door opens. Commander Magath walks in, followed by another army official, and then Zeke.

Once everyone has taken their seats, Zeke starts to distribute the stack of red folders he has with him.

“Everyone comfortable?” he asks, jovially. “This has been in the works for a while now, but I can finally introduce to you all, Project Merlot.”

The army official— he’s got an absurd amount of medals pinned to his chest— scowls at him. “Before Yaeger continues, I am reminding everyone that anything which is discussed in this room cannot be repeated outside of it.”

“Of course, Major,” Zeke says. The smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes as he rests his elbows on the table and steeples his fingers. “It would be disastrous if the public were to hear that there will be pure titans inside Liberio quite soon, after all.”

It’s remarkable, you think, how boldly the mess hall on base puts up a menu every day; when everyone knows they’ll run out of almost everything by three, and that whatever’s left will be indistinguishable by taste, sight, or smell.

“I think this one’s yours,” you tell Claire, frowning at the ambiguous brown lumps floating in the gravy in front of you. “These are potatoes, right?”

Claire pokes at them with a fork. “I don’t know. They feel kind of chicken-y to me.”

“I think they’re both potatoes.”

Claire picks up a piece with her fork, and cautiously takes a bite. She chews thoughtfully. “...at least there’s pudding today,” she says after a moment of consideration, nose scrunched.

Someone shouts near the outside entrance to the hall. You and Claire turn to look down the rows of long wooden tables. A group of soldiers has just come in, shoving open both doors, and everyone sitting nearby is yelling at them to stop letting the cold in. Outside, the autumn afternoon is grey and overcast.

The sun has only shown hints of itself since this morning; when you woke up to a day so cold, you could have sworn you’d slept through the months to winter. The brown cardigan you’re wearing over your uniform is barely enough to keep you comfortable.

The hall is warm enough though, with so many people in it; but the noise of a dozen conversations from several very loud, very boisterous young soldiers blends together into a cloud of sound where you can’t pick out any one thing. It buzzes in the background of what Claire is saying, drowning her words in its mush.

“Sorry, could you repeat that?” you ask, squinting your eyes, as if it will help your ears.

She repeats herself, a little louder. “I said, is that the lipstick I gave you? It looks nice. I told you it would suit you.”

“Oh, thank you.”

When you’d reached for your usual shade this morning, you’d remember Porco’s story about Braun. It had just been a silly thought, that you should change the colour just in case— you doubt Braun even knew you were wearing makeup at all— but you’d tried on a different one just for fun. The brownish-pink looked unexpectedly nice.

It had made the ache in your chest even worse.

You want to be able to show it to Porco. It’s been four days since you’ve been able to see him, and each passing sunset makes you miss the golden evenings in the clinic more and more.

(You miss him so much.)

“Are you sick?” Claire asks. “You look a little pale.”

“I just haven’t been sleeping well,” you admit.

Claire scowls. “Are those idiots still giving you trouble during your shifts? You have to report them, it’s harassment—”

“I’m fine,” you insist. Their behaviour honestly hasn’t been bothering you all that much recently. “It’s just a few of them, and I don’t like them anyway.”

Claire looks at you suspiciously, but then sighs and pulls out a small notebook from her pocket. “If that’s what you want to do. Do you mind if I work on some of the wedding planning? I’m running behind.”

“Go ahead,” you say. “What are you working on?”

“The guest list,” she replies. “We decided to keep it small, so I’m deciding who gets the cut.”

She looks concerningly gleeful when she says that.

“You’ll be invited, of course.” Claire says, misinterpreting your expression. “But I won’t have the invitations printed for a while. Do you need a plus one?”

There’s the smallest lump in your throat when you say you don’t.

Claire hums, focused on her list. “Cassandra’s out, that’s obvious.” You don’t know who Cassandra is, or why Claire is sneering at her name. “Michael stays,” she continues absently.

“Michael?” you ask. “The soldier from the hospital? I didn’t think you liked him.”

She rolls her eyes. “I don’t like him, but I can’t not invite him. After all that business with his family…”

Claire vaguely explains, but you never do find out what happened to Michael Sells and his family; because at that moment, another gust of cold wind washes through the hall, and you instinctively turn your attention to the door.

You see the red armbands first, and your heartbeat quickens.

Zeke Yeager walks through the door, followed by Pieck. You’re disappointed, but you keep waiting, watching the door that’s slowly swinging closed. Just when you bite the inside of your cheek, and prepare to turn your attention back to Claire, it’s pushed open again.

Porco.

You don’t know how he immediately knows to look in your direction, but he does; and you have to clasp your own wrist in your lap to stop yourself from waving at him. He doesn’t acknowledge you— he doesn’t even smile— but his gaze keeps coming back to linger on you as he makes his way across the room. He sits with the other two Warriors. The bench faces you; but it’s on the opposite side of the room— the unofficial Eldian side.

(You wonder if you had sat closer to that invisible wall, if you could have found some cracks to whisper to him through.)

“Do you think I should ask the caterers for crab cakes after all?” Claire asks.

“I like them,” you reply.

Porco’s resting his face on his palm, elbow on the table. He’s turned towards the other two, but you think you can see him stealing sideways glances at you, over his fingers. You swallow and shift your eyes away. You can’t stare. Not this openly, not here.

“I’m getting the blue dresses for the bridesmaids, I think. It’ll be great for a summer wedding.”

“Blue is lovely,” you say, a hand over your face to cover your smile.

You fake interest in Claire's notebook, and slowly raise your eyes to look over her shoulder. Porco is talking to Pieck now, attention away from you. You take the opportunity to really look at him. You feel like you could do that for hours; brushing your fingers through his longer blonde strands, running your thumbs over his face, memorising every detail.

(How cruel that you have to wait, when he’s right there in front of you, and you already know you’re condemned to spend more time apart than together.)

“Do you want to come clothes shopping with me on Thursday?”

“I’d love to.”

Porco makes eye contact with you again. You think you must be going insane; because even that little quirk of his mouth, the biggest reaction he can afford, envelopes with you a warmth that blossoms from your heart and goes to the very tips of your fingers. You’ve never felt this kind of happiness before. So pure, and so unreasonable.

(For now, it’s enough to endure the sorrow of having to pretend you don’t adore him— of having even the breadth of this room between you.)

Claire is putting away her notebook. “You haven’t touched your food! Are you sure you aren’t sick?”

You scoop up the maybe-potatoes. “I’m just a little distracted.”

Lunch passes much too quickly after that, as you finish your meal; stealing glances across the room the whole time. All too soon, you’re getting up and following Claire towards the door. It takes an immense effort to not look towards Porco’s table as you cross it.

The chilly breeze is still blowing, but the sun is peeking out from behind the clouds now. It’s one of those early autumn days that just can’t decide if it wants to be warm or cold.

“Do you mind hanging back for five minutes while I go to the bathroom?” Claire asks.

You agree to wait, and go to stand behind a pillar to protect yourself from the wind blowing through the open corridor; while she hurries down to the bathrooms. You notice a poster crudely pasted on the concrete, its edges lumpy and shrivelled from the paste. It’s a notice for a new weekly charity clinic in the internment zone, sponsored by the military hospital; asking Eldian soldiers to let their families know.

Interesting, you think. I wonder if Director Klein is behind it.

You’re perusing the poster, trying to figure out how you can volunteer, when you suddenly feel the weight of an arm wrapped around your shoulders. You tense up, about to shout in surprise— and then Porco’s voice is whispering in your ear.

“You look nice today.”

The cry catches in your throat. His warm breath— the ghost of that whisper— lingers against your ear. His body brushes against yours, familiar enough to make you blush. Something is slipped into your hand.

And then, in the same second, the weight disappears— and you see him casually continuing down the corridor.

(Did he just…?)

Your heart is pounding. You clutch your cardigan around your body, and whip your head all around to check if anyone saw.

There’s not a soul.

(He didn’t even let me see his face, you think, giddy.)

You look down at the thing he’d pressed into your hand. A small sheet of paper, messily torn and folded in half. A note.

‘I want to see you,’ it reads, in a hasty print. ‘Meet me in the usual place whenever you come back. Even if it’s late. I’ll be waiting for you.’

You hold the note against your chest, willing your heart rate to go down before Claire comes back.

It doesn’t feel as cold anymore.

The night before Marcel left for Paradis, he’d shaken Porco awake, and they’d slipped out of the house.

They’d squeezed themselves through the gap in the wired fence— there was no need to, not with the red sashes that now encircled their arms, but it had made the whole thing a lot more exciting— and made their way past the edge of the city and into the first of the rolling fields on its outskirts.

The grass had been damp, and the crickets had been loud. The stars had stretched out above them, twinkling in a sky so filled and endless that for once, Porco hadn’t felt caged.

That’s the kind of sky he sees right now, through the branches of the elm.

It’s almost midnight. The moon is high and full.

He’s worried— not because he thinks you won’t come (the thought hasn’t even crossed his mind), but because it’s late, and because it’s cold. He’s leaning against the tree, making sure to stay in the shadows; as he tries to picture the route back from the hospital.

The road is well lit, he tells himself. She’ll be safe.

He sighs, wishing he could come pick you up from your work.

(Did you wish that too? He wonders if you ever felt envious of the other nurse, who he’s seen meeting the PSA agent at the gates more than once.)

The crack of a dried leaf pierces through the night. It's the sound of something trying to be quiet. Porco flattens himself against the tree and cautiously turns his head to look around, heart rate kicking up.

It's just a cat, padding into the moonlight.

It spends a few moments sniffing around, before suddenly darting away across the grounds and into the darkness, chasing something only it can see.

Porco relaxes again, and turns his eyes back towards the stars.

On nights like this, when the wind carries the scent of damp earth from somewhere far away, it pulls him back through the years and right into that field.

Marcel had done most of the talking. It hadn’t been because Porco didn’t have anything to tell him. No, he’d had too much. So much that it all got tangled up and stuck in his throat, a big ball of questions and hopes and anxieties that he’d been too young and too embarrassed to whittle down to the one thing he really needed to say.

I’ll miss you, come home soon.

Marcel had filled the silence by pointing out constellations, and telling Porco the stories he'd read about them. It wasn't the kind of thing either of them ever talked about— there hadn't been much time for fairytales after they entered the Warrior program— but they'd made Marcel learn how to navigate by the stars to prepare for his mission; and he claimed it helped him remember everything.

“The way I see it,” he'd said, suddenly roughly pulling Porco into a headlock and mussing up his hair, “we're going to be looking at the same sky. So I won't be that far away, not really.”

“Are you kidding me right now?” Porco had scoffed, scrabbling at his brother's arm, “That's so sappy. I'm gonna throw up.”

Nearly ten years on, he remembers the waver in his brother's voice, and now figures Marcel had been saying that for his own benefit as much as for Porco’s. He thinks Marcel may just have been a boy who liked stories.

Ten years on, that field has a factory on it, belching smoke into the sky and vomiting muddied water into the grass.

(He can't ever go back, but Porco always did think those old stories were pretty depressing anyway. The wisdom of the ancestors seemed to amount to ‘if you step out of line, you will die horribly, and all of it will be your fault’.)

Porco takes a deep breath. It’s cold enough to sting.

And then, he hears your voice calling for him; so soft it’s almost a whisper.

“Porco? Are you here?”

He steps out from under the shadow of the elm, heart pounding with anticipation, and sees you under the moonlight. You’re searching for him, clinging to the strap of your bag; and turning all around, taking faltering, circling steps.

Then you see him, and stop.

Porco thinks that joyous smile on your face is the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.

He’s so enamoured by it, he forgets to move his feet, and you reach him first.

“I’m late,” you say, still whispering. You’re standing barely an inch away.

It’s still too far. “That’s okay, I just got here,” Porco lies. You’re worth waiting for.

He pulls you by the arm, into the shadows with him; and gently pushes you back against the tree, one hand cradling the back of your head. He can barely see your face, but it's enough.

(For now, it’s enough.)

There's no words; only the sound of slow breaths as you gaze up at him. You let your bag slide down to the ground. It lands with a muffled thump. Time slows down as your eyes wander across his face, finally settling on his lips. Your hands come to his shoulders. Porco’s free arm snakes around your waist.

This is where you’re supposed to be, he thinks as he leans down. Right here, with me.

It’s been too damn long.

He missed how warm your lips are. He missed how your hands clutch at his jacket, how they trail up the sides of his jaw; and further up into his hair. It's a little different today, though— your fingers are surprisingly open and free, without inhibition, when they’re tugging at it. They’re telling him that you like this, you like this.

He knows, because he feels you kissing him back just as fervently, pressing your chest up against him; heat radiating from—

Ah, fuck. Porco reluctantly straightens up.

(He needs to control himself. He can’t let himself go too far, too quickly.)

“We should— we should go inside,” he manages to say, blood still rushing in his ears. His breath mists in the cold air.

(He has to do this right.)

“I— yes. We should. Inside.” You sound dazed. It’s almost enough to make him lose his resolve.

Porco leads you by the hand, making sure your path hugs the shadows around the building as much as possible. At the door, he waits as you fish the keyring out of your coat pocket, and fumble with the small padlock.

Once you’re both inside— the door locked behind you— he has an idea.

“How about we go upstairs?”

You pause, then nod. So he takes your hand again— so addictively soft, and smaller than his— and leads you past the clinic, and through the narrower door that opens into a cramped stairwell. It’s windowless, and completely dark.

Porco wraps an arm around your waist, and firmly grips the bannister with the other. He tells you to be careful. The polished wooden stairs creak as he climbs up one flight, and then another with you; moving his feet cautiously into the darkness, more sweeps than steps.

(He feels every breath you take, and wishes he could always keep you this close.)

After a while, the bannister stops abruptly. He feels around blindly in the dark, keeping you pulled snug against him. There’s a door handle. He gives it a turn. Locked.

He uses his fingertips to trace along it, and finds the indent at its base.

“Get your keys.” He instinctively keeps his voice low.

He hears the keys on the ring jingling in the dark. “I think I have the right one,” you say; quiet but excited.

Porco guides your hand to the lock. He hears you taking three tries to push the key in, and then the bolts sliding back.

The door opens, into a room that’s almost big enough to be a hall. Moonlight washes it with a faint glow, incredibly bright after the pitch dark of the stairwell; bright enough to see the dust motes in the air. The wallpaper is peeling. Cardboard boxes are piled waist-high all around, some of their bottoms torn and the files inside them spilling out. What look like old, rusted bed frames are pushed against the farthest wall.

It resembles the older wards at the hospital, with nice, tall windows all along the outside walls. Framed inside the tallest, widest window at the end of the room— behind a simple iron grill— are the elm branches. The moon peeks through the leaves.

The place is old, abandoned, and dusty.

Porco finally feels at peace.

“Oh, it’s so much prettier at night,” you breathe. “Where can we sit?”

Porco hums, and picks his way through the maze of boxes with you, finally finding a relatively clear spot on the floor right in front of the large window. It’s a little chilly to be sitting on the bare wood, but when you hug his arm and curl into his side, it doesn’t feel all that bad anymore.

“I… brought us something,” you tell him, a little hesitantly. You’ve let your coat open, and the white of your blouse glows in the moonlight.

“Actual chocolate?” he asks with a chuckle.

You laugh. He’s missed the sound. “No. I wanted to get us something sweet, but all the shops were closed because it’s so late.” You pull your bag into your lap; and after digging around for a moment, take out a bottle. “This was all I could find.”

“Is that wine?” Porco asks, an eyebrow raised.

“You’re always doing things for me,” you say, sounding like you really want him to understand something, but he’s not sure what. “And I just let you. I— ” You stop, and bite your lip. “Do you like it?”

Porco grins at you. He’s more of a hard liquor kind of guy, but somehow, whiskey doesn’t seem half as appealing right now. “Of course I do. Pour me some?”

You look pleased with yourself . “I can go get glasses from the clinic.”

Porco doesn’t like the idea of you stumbling around in that dark stairwell. “No. We’re drinking straight from the bottle.”

“Exciting!”

(That surprises him. He thought you'd be a little more flustered about it. He'd been hoping for it, in fact. He thinks it’s adorable.)

The key ring jingles again as you twist one of the keys into the cork, and struggle with it for a few seconds. Porco’s about to offer to help, when it comes out with a pop. A few drops spill on your coat. The small stains look like ink under the moon.

(Where did you learn how to do that?)

“Oh, I hope that comes out okay,” you say worriedly. You tilt your head back and swallow a mouthful of wine, then hold it out towards him. “Here. It’s good.”

Porco accepts the bottle but doesn't drink. He leans back a little, resting on his palm. “You seem a little… different.”

In the dark, he can just make out the anxious look in your eyes. “...Good different?” you ask.

He considers it. What was it really, that felt different? The way you’d kissed him. How you matched him step for step in the stairwell earlier, when he thought you’d be scared, and now this wine…

You seemed surer of yourself, Porco realises.

“Yeah, good different,” he tells you with a grin. He takes a swig of wine. It’s plenty sweet. “What changed?”

A little of that shyness he likes so much comes back; and you can't meet his eyes, even in the moonlight, for your next words. “Maybe you're good for me.”

(He may be good for you, he thinks; but you’re still the best thing that’s ever happened to him.)

Porco kisses you, once, twice, and then once more because he can’t help himself; tasting the wine on your lips each time. “Can I ask you something? Why did they send you here?” How did I get so lucky?

It’s a lighthearted question, but something shifts. You tense a little, enough for him to notice.

“You don’t have to talk about—” he starts.

You sigh. “No, I want to tell you. I have, for a while.”

And then you tell him, all about a little Eldian girl named Julie, who had been in a terrible accident— a train derailment— with over a hundred others. You tell him how she’d had a piece of iron impaled straight through her stomach, and how she had been crying without making a sound, waiting all alone— abandoned in a hallway like a discarded doll— for someone to help her, while her blood continued to stain the carpet. That you’d finally convinced a doctor to attend to her, and how he’d floundered in the middle of it; after they brought in a Marleyan boy.

“He left me—” you swallow thickly, and take a few deep breaths. “He left me and Eileen with Julie, and I had— I had my hand inside her, to put pressure on it, to stop the bleeding—”

(He thinks you drink a little more of the wine than you should while you’re talking; but even though your lip wobbles and you choke more than once— a knife twists in his heart each time— the tears stay glistening in your eyes and don’t drop.)

“It’s okay,” he soothes. “You don’t have to finish.”

You shake your head. “The boy was dead already. I don’t know if they messed up at intake, or if he died on the way to the ward, but he was dead. Crush injuries. But Dr. Klein didn’t want the paperwork to look like he gave up on him to work on an Eldian girl.”

Porco doesn’t comment, though he has lots of choice words for this Dr. Klein lining up on his tongue. He just comfortingly rubs your arm.

“I yelled at him to stop being ridiculous, trying to revive a dead body. And it wasn’t— I didn’t make a mistake, I know it. He was right next to me, I could see—” You stop abruptly, and then continue after a moment. “I eventually got him to come back. But the little boy’s mother wanted someone to blame, and she got it in her head that he didn’t get the help he needed because of me. Dr. Klein, Eileen… none of them backed me up.”

“Do you regret doing it?” Porco asks, gently.

“No!” you cry, snapping your face up to look at him. “I just— I don’t know if I made a difference.”

“It must have made a difference to her.”

You shake your head again. “Julie died anyway. She was too far gone. And I don’t know if Dr. Klein was right to stop trying.”

Porco pulls you into his lap without warning. You squeak in surprise, but he doesn’t let you move, holding you tight against him.

“It made a difference to her,” he repeats. “Don’t you dare think otherwise.” He feels your hand braced against his chest, how the shaky breaths against his collarbone begin to slow.

“Thank you, Porco,” you say after a minute, and he thinks you may be crying now; but he knows you’ll be alright. He hears it in your voice.

Porco kisses the top of your head. “It’s the truth.”

For a minute, it’s silent.

Then you speak again. “I think you were loved a lot.”

He raises his eyebrows. Several faces flash through his head. “Look, I don’t know what you heard, but—”

“Not like that!” you say with a laugh. “I mean growing up. Your family must have loved you so much, because…” Your voice grows softer “...because you’re so good at showing affection. You must have learned from them.”

Porco feels his face heating up. “It’s not anything special—”

“It is,” you insist, as you curl into him a little more comfortably. “You’re good at it.”

Porco holds you tighter, feeling the warmth of your body, and the calming way your chest rises and falls with each breath. Your comment stays in his head as the conversation continues, even when your breathing slows and you start slurring your words.

(He can tell you’re falling asleep. He wonders if he should walk you back down so you can get to your room, and a real bed; but then you reach for his hand, and he decides an hour or two like this wouldn’t hurt.)

Was he loved? He thinks he was. He thinks of his mother, who made sure he never felt alone or insecure, after his father was gone. Who was always there to hug and kiss him, and tuck him into bed; no matter how tired she was. Who pretended she had already eaten, when there wasn’t enough food left in the pantry for three portions. Who now pretends she isn’t worried to death about him every time they send him to the edges of the empire.

He thinks of Marcel. Porco knows he was reckless— is reckless— and that Marcel had often been the only thing standing between him and his teeth getting knocked out. How the only thing he ever wanted in return was to ruffle his hair up a little bit. He knows he only learned how to get along with children, because Marcel had figured out how to get along with him first.

Porco wishes he could introduce you to Marcel. He thinks you would have liked him.

He thinks Marcel would have liked you too.

You wonder if the salesclerk— was that even what you were supposed to call her? It didn’t feel right— has sore cheeks from smiling so much. The slope of her lips hasn’t shifted even a little from when you walked into the boutique about an hour ago. It’s still perfect— formal, yet welcoming.

The older woman instructs the girl modelling a red dress to spin and show off the flare. She’s on a little round platform. It’s disturbingly reminiscent of a music box with a ballerina.

On the opposite sofa, Claire frowns. “I don’t know… do you have one that’s more coquelicot than rose?”

“Don’t force yourself to like it, Claire,” Sophie says, sipping on her champagne. “I know the embroidery is pretty, but it’s not worth it. The rolled hem won’t hold up with that fabric.” She addresses the woman. “Do you have something similar with a blind hem?”

Hannah pinches your blouse and pulls you closer to her, a little clumsily. Her drink tips dangerously as she leans over the cushion to whisper in your ear.

“What’s the difference?” she hisses. “And what in the world is coquelicot?”

“I don’t know,” you hiss back. “Isn’t that your fourth glass already?”

“Is it? They’re free though, it’s okay.”

Hannah has certainly adapted to this place better than you have.

You knew Claire was rich, but you didn’t know she was this rich. When she’d invited you to come clothes shopping with her, you hadn’t exactly expected her to patronise the night markets; but this was one of the most expensive boutiques in Liberio. The kind of place where you didn’t have to do anything for yourself, not even trying the clothes on.

It must look even more beautiful in the daytime, you think.

Everything is detailed. There’s luxurious gold trimming (real gold) on the creamy white walls. An ornate crystal chandelier lights up the cosy space, along with half a dozen lamps that have lacey shades. The legs on every table and side table are made of a delicately twisted iron, meant to resemble vines. Rolls of the most beautifully printed and embroidered fabrics you’ve ever seen are draped over them.

It should have felt cluttered, but somehow it’s all so tasteful it just looks intimidatingly expensive.

Even the sofa you’re sitting on— the cushions are a muted mint, incredibly soft, and its blue-green throw pillows are embroidered with red roses and pink peonies. The threads are so thin and delicate, you’re afraid to rest your weight against them.

Hannah doesn’t seem to mind though. She sits comfortably, with her ankles crossed, smiling pleasantly (and a touch too widely, unlike the salesclerk— or perhaps the ‘manager’ would be a better word?) as she looks around the room.

“Claire!” she says suddenly. “Look at that green silk. I think that would look so nice on you.”

Claire looks where she’s pointing and nods. “Show me what you have in that fabric, please.”

“Gladly, Madame.” The salesclerk— manager, proprietress?— claps her hands, and the ballerina hops off her platform. They both glide to the back of the shop. You see Ballerina undoing her buttons on the way.

Hannah stands up abruptly, and sways in place.

Claire raises an eyebrow at you. You mouth a four, pointing at your own champagne flute, and she stifles a laugh.

“Maybe you should sit down, Han.” Sophie suggests, eyebrow raised. “Or at least put the glass away. You’re going to spill it.”

You’ve known Hannah since your time at the hospital, and you spend most of your time with Claire. One is the opposite of secretive, and the other is far too poised to ever need to hide anything. Sophie is still a mystery to you.

Sophie has only ever spoken to you once— on the train back from the Mid-East— and you’ve seen her a handful of times while you were there. She’s always looked more like a strict school teacher to you than a nurse, with her half rimmed glasses and her black hair usually pulled into a tight bun.

Hannah looks at the glass in her hands, a thoughtful expression on her face. Then she raises it to her lips, and drinks the whole thing in a single breath.

“No spills,” she says, holding the glass upside-down with a flourish.

Claire laughs out loud, while Sophie sighs. Hannah does a little bow.

You can’t help laughing too. Even aside from Hannah never failing to raise everyone’s spirits, you’re already in a good mood.

(You feel well rested for the first time in days.)

Hannah plops back down next to you. “Claire, didn’t you say you wanted to tell us something earlier?”

Claire suddenly looks very serious. “I did.” She runs a finger around the edge of her glass, and then takes a deep breath. “I’m resigning.”

“You are? When?” you ask, dismayed.

“You’re leaving?” Hannah cries.

Sophie just looks annoyed. “You’re quitting your job? Claire, no matter how nice he is—”

Claire waves her hands to shush everyone. “I’m not quitting being a nurse. And I’m not leaving Liberio. I applied to the new private hospital.” She takes a sip of her drink. “It only makes sense. It’s closer to where the apartment is, and the pay is better.”

(You’re surprised to see Claire looking a little sad, about something that made sense.)

“And,” she says, looking at you. “They’re still doing the interiors, so I won’t be gone for a while. I just wanted to give everyone a heads up.”

Sophie leans back, satisfied. “The private sector pay is great. I’m much happier out of the military. Don’t have goddamn sergeants thinking they can yell at me.”

“Oh, no one yells at Claire,” you say without thinking; your tongue loosened by the alcohol, and by how touched you are at her reassuring you. “They’re all too scared.”

Sophie peers at you over her lenses. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but… how are you so pleasant?”

You feel your face warming. “What do you mean?”

“You’re so nice. Everyone gets a little jaded after seeing the frontlines, but look at you.”

“It's because she didn't see much of it,” Claire says. “She was only there for the last couple of months.”

The Warrior Unit was supposed to be a temporary assignment. Just somewhere the board decided to stash you, out of the public eye; until the whole business with Julie had been sorted. You weren’t really part of the unit, not back then.

And so you’d been left behind while the rest of them were sent to the Mid East. But you never did apologise— Director Klein ended up having no choice but to sign off on your formal transfer.

(It had happened almost overnight. It led to Claire finding you standing awkwardly at the entrance of the tent; wearing boots that had been issued last-minute, and at least one size too big. They’d made you feel even more like a child, far out of your depth.)

Sophie adjusts her glasses. “You haven’t even seen titans?”

“No.”

“Hope it stays that way.”

“This wasn't like Helena, Soph,” Claire adds, “The Warriors steamroll over everything. And it all happens so far away, relatively speaking.”

Hannah claps her hands. “This isn’t a fun topic! Claire, congratulations on the new job.”

Sophie shakes her head, as if to clear it, and nods. “Congratulations. Maybe I’ll apply too.”

“Oh!” Hannah suddenly sits bolt upright. “And maybe I’ll apply to the Warrior Unit!”

Sophie smiles wryly. “I thought your plan was having a rich patient fall in love with you. Not a lot of eligible bachelors over there.”

“No, but she’s over there.” Hannah gives you a one armed hug. From her, it’s as warm and comforting as a bear hug from most others. (Even if her drunkenness has her clumsily punching your arm on the first try.) “What’s so great about guys anyway? I don’t have half as much fun as I do with you three. Claire, is Eric fun?”

“Not as much as you,” she replies, with a barely straight face.

Porco's pretty fun, you think. He always makes me laugh.

But there's a tinge of melancholy to the thought.

Claire was leaving. She would leave, and one day she’d go so far— Odiha, or maybe even further— and you wouldn’t be able to see her anymore. They all would. And then Porco would too.

And then no one would know.

No one would know that he’s more than fun. They wouldn’t know how he’s been kinder to you than anyone else in your entire life. They wouldn't know that he makes you feel safe enough to fall asleep in his arms.

No one would know how he made you feel wanted.

They wouldn’t know, because even though it’s safest when it feels like you’re the only two people in the world, it meant that world would disappear with him.

“You look like you finally got a good night of sleep,” Claire comments.

Your heart starts to race, though you’re not sure exactly why. “Oh, yes. I slept well last night.”

(No one knows.)

The first thing that makes Colt think something is up, is when Porco spends the whole night chewing with his mouth closed.

The second, is his reaction to Olivia telling him— very suggestively— as she pours him yet another glass of whiskey, that her shift would be over in another hour.

“Yeah? It’s still pretty early, but be careful on your way home,” Porco says.

Colt chokes on his drink.

Zeke snorts.

Pieck’s eyes go wide.

A stream of beer dribbles out the corner of Reiner’s mouth.

The bar is busy, and loud. There’s a table celebrating a birthday, and the residents of the internment zone were never ones to let an excuse to celebrate pass them by. You had to take the happy times when you could, even if they were borrowed from someone else. Cheers periodically erupt from near the dartboard. It’s difficult to see through the crowd surrounding it, but Colt’s fairly sure the birthday boy has taken it off the wall, and added an extra challenge to the whole thing by moving it wildly around.

He’d been meaning to go join in, when Porco Galliard turned down a hookup. Colt has only just started getting buzzed, but the shock of it almost sobers him.

Olivia, with her attractive red lip, and long dark hair that could only be described as tresses, was reminiscent of the princesses from Falco’s old books; if those princesses knew how to make the best drinks in Liberio, and seemed to have an aversion to buttoning the top half of their blouses.

In short, it was not the response of a rational man; especially one with Porco’s habits.

Pieck claps him on the shoulders. “Porco! You shouldn’t have come out if you were feeling ill! Here, drink my water.”

Porco looks bewildered. “Feeling ill—”

Reiner wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, and sighs. “I hope you don’t throw up in our room. Pace yourself, for god’s sake.”

“Why would I—”

Colt gently takes the still full glass of whiskey out of his hand. “You know there’s no need to try and keep up with me, right? I would never think less of—”

Porco snatches it back. “What the fuck are all of you talking about?”

Olivia, to her credit, seemed to be taking it in stride. She leans forward, elbows on the counter. Colt idly wonders if the buttons had actually popped off at some point. Or maybe it was more comfortable for her like that. It did seem too small. He doesn’t think he should ask.

“It sounds like they’re concerned about you not coming home with me, champ,” she says with a playful grin. “Is it something I said or did… the last couple dozen times?”

“Helos,” Porco mutters. “I’m fucking fine. I don’t mean to insult you, Liv. I just want to drink and go to bed today.”

Zeke conspicuously sets down his glass, and takes a puff of his cigarette; which usually meant he would be spouting some sage wisdom. “There’ll be plenty of time for that later, Galliard.”

Porco rolls his eyes. But he doesn’t interrupt. It never works. Colt would know.

"You're still in the sweet spot right now," Zeke continues, exhaling a cloud of smoke into the already hazy air of the bar. "Where they don't see a dead man, only some fun with a guarantee of no strings attached. No offense, Miss Olivia.”

“None taken. He’s very fun.”

“That makes him sound selfish,” Pieck comments. “Pock here’s quite sensitive, actually.” The way she says it, it’s somehow genuine and teasing at the same time.

Zeke waves the lit cigarette around as he speaks. It flits through the smoke like a boozey firefly. (Colt’s aware the metaphor is absurd, but the alcohol is starting to hit him. People said he never knew when it did, but look. He did.)

Porco slams back his drink. Colt winces. That was most definitely a sipping whisky.

“Fuck you guys,” Porco says, voice hoarse. “I need to take a leak.” He shoves himself backwards, the bar stool screeching, and then stalks off in the direction of the bathrooms.

Colt trades a look with Pieck.

(Really, he wanted to exchange a look with everyone to see what they thought of that, but she was the only one who looked back.)

“I don’t know what’s up with him,” she says. “He’s starting to worry me though, to be honest.”

Colt finishes his drink in another two gulps. He was the only one who could help Porco now. Pieck couldn’t go into the men’s bathrooms.

And so he goes after him.

He finds Porco not inside the bathroom, but in the hallway outside of it, where the noise of the bar is contained behind a stout wooden door.

(So he didn’t have to piss, Colt thinks. Maybe that’s important.)

“Galliard.”

Porco, who was moodily staring at his own boots, snaps his head up in disbelief. “Leave me alone. I’m not horny all the time, fucking sue me.”

“What’s wrong with you?” Colt asks.

“Lots of things. Want a list?”

Before he can chide him for the sarcasm, Colt trips on his own feet, and stumbles rather than walks the last few steps. He ends up leaning heavily on Porco’s shoulders, trying to regain his balance.

For all his flaws, Porco doesn’t try to push him away. “Are you drunk already? We haven’t even been here for an hour.”

Colt raises his head. He can find his balance later. “Galliard,” he says, looking him straight in the eyes, so he knows Colt is serious, “you know you can trust me, right?”

Porco’s throat bobs. “Yeah, man,” he says, voice thick. “I trust you.”

There’s no easy way to ask this. Turning down Olivia, the hurrying away after showers— it could only mean one thing, from him.

Colt takes a deep breath. “Galliard, after your injury. I know the nurses treated you—” He feels Porco tense under his hands. “— and it’s difficult to even think about, but—”

Porco isn’t breathing. He stares at Colt, eyes wide.

“—but did your dick grow back wrong?”

There’s silence, punctuated by uproarious laughter from the bar.

And then, Colt’s on the floor.

Porco pushed him.

“Motherfucking hell, piece of fucking shit—”

He’s swearing up a storm, but really, Colt doesn’t mind. It’s not directed at him. It’s just how Porco deals with his emotions, sometimes. It stopped bothering him after the first five years. (As long as Falco's not around.)

“Well something’s bothering you,” he insists from the floor. It's disturbingly sticky as he pushes himself up. “You’ve been acting weird ever since we came back from the Mid East.”

“Give it a rest—”

“You’re even broodier than usual. Is Mrs. Galliard okay?”

Porco drags a hand over his face. “Ma’s fine, Grice. Thank you for the concern.”

And then, Colt remembers something that’s been bothering him for a while now. “And then you asked that nurse to come with us to the park—” Suddenly, it all clicks into place.

The dawning realisation must be obvious on his face, because Porco’s has gone white. He can tell, even in the dim lighting. “Grice—”

“You’ve got a crush on her.”

Porco’s making a really weird expression now. If Colt didn’t know better, if he didn’t know how the alcohol made him overly dramatic, he’d think Porco was about to cry.

“... and what would you say if I did?” His voice is hoarse again.

Colt thinks about it. “That it’s understandable. She saved your life.”

Relief blooms across Porco’s face. The pinch between his eyebrows disappears. “Then—”

“But that you’re—” Colt pauses to hiccup. “— being really stupid by indulging in it like that. Quit it before—” Another hiccup. “— she figures it out.”

Porco pushes him aside, and starts to head back to the bar. Colt can’t see his face, so it’s difficult to decipher his tone, but the words are oddly clipped back. Like he’s forcing each one out. “Wow, Grice. I thought you’d be the blindly supportive type.”

Colt’s confused. “I thought you didn't like fairy tales.”

Sylvie’s cooking smells heavenly.

(It always has, right from when Theo was a kid, and she was making magic out of a can of peas.)

Theo cautiously peeks in through the kitchen window. He can see the table set for two places. One’s for her, of course. But that other one…

Was Porco home?

“I can hear you crunching through the leaves from here, Theo,” she calls, not looking up from the pot she’s stirring. “Come in. The plate’s for you.”

And so Theo meekly makes his way to the front door, and slinks in like a particularly dirty stray cat that the family has taken upon itself to feed. Confident, but ready to bolt at a moment’s notice. He makes sure to wipe his shoes on the mat— he’s pretty sure Sylvie’s hospitality would reach its limit if he got mud on her nice carpet.

He takes a seat at the table. It wasn’t too long ago, he thinks with some sadness, how he had to drag in a chair from the living room to sit at this table. Back when all four dining chairs had been spoken for.

“Porco came by already tonight. Said they were going out to the bar, if you want to avoid it.” She sighs and shakes her head. “I know his liver will be fine, but as a mother…” She takes a deep breath, and keeps stirring her pot.

“Oh,” Theo says.

Sylvie had given him more second chances than he could count. It’s why he believes Evie every time she calls him selfish.

(It’s why Wolfe fell in love with her, he thinks. That endless forgiveness, when he knew better than anyone how much Theo didn’t deserve it. He would have given Theo those chances too, though; if he’d survived that first one.)

Sylvie turns off her stove, and carefully walks the pot over to the table. Theo tears himself a chunk off bread off the loaf on the table. She ladles stew onto his plate, humming all the while.

“You’re in a good mood,” Theo comments. It’s nice to see Sylvie like this. She’s usually so worried about her son.

Sylvie waves off the comment as she sits down. “Oh, it’s just that Porco seemed so happy today.”

“Yeah? Something good happen?”

“I wouldn’t know, he didn’t tell me a thing. He said he was just here to make sure you had cleared out.”

Theo blanches. “And what did you tell him?”

“That it wasn’t his business who stayed in my house,” Sylvia scoffs. “Well really, I told him I’d take care of it. He took it how he liked.” She leans toward him. “But he seemed too happy to care either way,” she says conspiratorially.

“The kid does wear his heart on his sleeve,” Theo agrees.

(Porco always had. Right from when he was in diapers, wrinkling his nose at Theo’s off-key singing. In Porco’s defence, there were actual stray cats who could caterwaul more melodiously.)

“Oh, I love him too much for him to be able to hide it anyway.” She smiles to herself as she reaches for the bread. “That’s the thing about love. Everything shows.”

Theo rolls his eyes. “That’s so sappy, I’m going to throw up.”

Eric clears the side of his desk for Claire as she sets her shopping bags down and rests her hip on its edge. He allows himself a moment to admire the ring glinting on his finger. That had been a good choice.

The office is on the night shift. Claire’s not strictly supposed to be here right now, but most people are sleeping at their desks and weren’t awake to report it. It’s one of the few public buildings that got electric bulbs put in this year, and Eric is slightly displeased that they generate enough heat that he needs to take off his sweater vest. It’s one of his favourite parts of autumn, and now it’s been delayed.

“... and then when we went to look at perfumes, she picked out this honeysuckle one. It was too sweet for me, but she’s cute enough to pull it off.”

“I think you’re sweet,” he attempts.

Claire swats him on the shoulder, but he can see she’s smiling. “That’s not the point! The point is, you should have seen her face. She was definitely thinking about someone. I’m not about to pry though.”

Eric hums. It’s not in disinterest. He’s just trying to make sure he’s filing everything away correctly. He’s still got a headache from Chief Gerard yelling at that poor secretary this afternoon for misplacing documents. The poor girl had been swearing someone had messed with them, but he wouldn’t have it.

“Are you still working on that missing persons case?” Claire asks.

Eric frowns. “Technically, I am. But it isn’t going anywhere, so the Chief assigned me to something else.”

“Oh?”

There’s a bitter taste in his mouth. “I’m temporarily partnering with Detective Rolland.” He discreetly rolls his eyes towards the man sitting on the other side of the room.

Rolland is a psychopath. Eric knows this. Chief Gerard knows this. Everyone knows this. But the man had a knack for closing cases. Criminals all but lined up to confess. The Chief didn’t let him investigate alone anymore, though. There needed to be someone making sure his methods would hold up in court.

Eric thinks it just warps the younger detectives’ idea of what’s acceptable.

In fact, Eric wouldn’t put it past him to not care about the protocol around properly signing out files.

I should look into that, he thinks to himself, as he watches Thomas Rolland pull back his sleeve, to check the time on his large, gold-plated watch.

Hannah's getting a suspicious amount of character development, isn't she? 🤭 Please leave a like/reblog/reply if you enjoyed!

#porco galliard x reader #porco x reader #snk x reader #aot x reader #angst #fluff #my fic #snk precipice

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