#I can characterize someone perfectly but if you tell me to describe a person moving across a room | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

novantinuum · 4 years

Link

Fandom: Steven Universe

Rating: Teen Audiences (I have upped the rating in consideration of sensitive topics I aim to depict later on.)

Words: 6.4K~

Summary: In another world, he doesn’t have his mother’s sword or shield to hide behind when Bismuth lands her strike. The bubble pops.

Steven falls apart.

Chapter summary: In which history is written on the walls.

Some of my other fics have been showing up in the tags when I use the link post option, so I’m doing an experiment this time. Fingers crossed it shows! If you read this and enjoy, I’d greatly appreciate your support through reblogs here, or kudos/comments on AO3. Thank you! <3

____

Chapter 12: Beta, Part 3

Having long since heeded Ruby’s advice to take a mental break, Steven sits criss-cross with his back pressed against the hodgepodge aquarium. If you ask him, this position is a two-in-one miracle, allowing him both an unobstructed view of the doorway, and sparing him from the deep rooted horror of the creepy dismantled plush still floating an aimless arc through the tank. He loves Peridot to death, but good golly, this latest meep morp is deeply unsettling. He shudders at the mere thought of its water-logged stuffing oozing out from the seams, and then— inhaling deep through his nose— steers his focus back to the phone clasped tightly between his fidgety fingers.

Back to the story, you doofus.

With nothing better to do for the moment and a hyperactive mind to satiate, he’s finally started to read the Unfamiliar Familiar fanfic that Connie sent him a link to a few days before. True to her words, it’s super, super good. Well written, great characterization, and best of all, the author keeps throwing in hints of future romance between Lisa and Archimicarus! Considering that, he’s almost surprised Connie likes this fic so much. She’s normally not much of a shipper. To be fair though, romance definitely isn’t the point of the story. Instead, it’s an AU focused on the mystery of the main character’s origins.

He can’t help but let out a sympathetic sigh as— in chapter 5– Lisa tries to calmly explain to her fellow Stonehearth Coven members that somehow her father, the revered founder of the coven, used to be a prince of the wicked Arcane Court. Most of her once-close friends don’t swallow the news well. As a result, Lisa is left alone to seek the truth of her father’s past, with no allies except her trusted familiar at her side. Lip quivering, he presses his thumb solid against his phone’s screen for a while, as if yearning to reach a healing hand beyond the barrier between fiction and reality and let the young witch know she’s not alone, that he sees and supports her. He makes a mental note to thank Connie profusely for sending along this really good fic, and presses on to the next chapter.

He’s halfway to the end of it when Peridot returns.

For someone who appeared super frazzled by Lapis’s terror-struck outbursts the last time she stood at his side, she sure seems fit as a fiddle now, walking with a slight bounce in her step as she crosses past the fence line and onto the property. At least, he assumes she is. He can’t help but immediately doubt this assessment when she spots him sitting against the inner wall of the barn with that piercing focus of hers and bounds through the doorway like a Gem fleeing the apocalypse.

“Steven, Steven, Steven, Steven!” she cries as she runs to his side, flapping her arms urgently.

Practically tossing his phone to the ground to free his hands for combat, he leaps to his feet so fast that his head grows woozy. His rose-thorned shield shimmers into tangible existence in front of his barred fist.

“What, what is it?” he exclaims, the pounding of his heart devolving into an untamable cacophony as all his darkest fears rear their ugly heads at once. “Is- is it Lapis? Did she leave anyways?”

“Uh, no…?”

“Or, or, or- are we under attack?!”

“Steven, I—“

“Who’s here for me this time?” he blurts, grabbing his friend’s shoulders. “Is it Homeworld? Jasper? The Diamonds? Tell meeee!” he whines, roughly shaking her.

“I- No one? It’s no one!” Peridot exclaims when her head finally stops jostling back and forth under his force, waves of confusion coloring her expression. “I’m… just happy to be back?”

His cheeks burn red as he drinks in her obvious statement and eventually catches his breath. He lets go of her. “O-oh,” he stammers, willing the shield floating before him to disappear into glimmers of light and desperately wishing he could do the same at this precise moment of existence. “Okay. Glad to see you back! Did, uh… did you find Lapis?”

She nods in confirmation, but visibly deflates a little at the reminder of her roommate. “Yeah, she’s perched in a tree in the woods. She said she wanted some ‘alone time,’” she emphasizes with air quotes.

Steven clasps his fingers together in front of him as he lets this news sink in, digits tussling without end for the most comfortable alignment. Bleeding heart that he is, he hates the idea of letting anyone be alone, especially after a revelation this jarring, but he must admit that he himself found some comfort in solitude the night his human half took for the beach, inert diamond in hand. If anything else, it was nice to retreat from all the noise, to allow himself the opportunity to form his own opinions about the situation. Perhaps it’ll be beneficial for her, too.

“That’s understandable,” he says, glancing out the barn door towards the forest his friend is taking refuge in. “She’s been through a lot.”

He squats to pick up his phone from the floorboards then, frowning as he notices a fresh crack on the glass at the corner of the screen. Knowing that— despite his desperate desires— there’s nothing he can do to fix this right now, he shoves it in his pocket and pushes against his knees to stand up. The bottom of his shirt catches on his arm as he does so, briefly exposing the unfamiliar facets of his rotated gem. Peridot’s brows nearly shoot above the upper rim of her visor.

“So,” she begins, nodding towards his stomach. “Your gem.”

With a tired sigh, he tugs his shirt back down. Boy, does he already know where this conversation is heading, and boy, is he sick of having to walk everyone through it. “Yup,” he replies, popping the ‘p’ and getting ready to deploy the exasperated eye roll.

“All this time everyone thought you were a hybrid quartz, but now you’re telling me…”

“...that I’m actually a dia—“

“...that I, Peridot, certified Kindergartener, a skilled specialist on every variety of Gem to ever exist, was wrong??”

“Hold on, what?”

She holds her hand over the diamond emblazoned on her chest as she passionately continues, wholly oblivious to Steven’s bemusement. “I was the brightest Gem of my cut back on Homeworld, and yet somehow I mistook a perfectly formed diamond for a quartz! Ah, hahahah!” Eyes glinting with what he can only describe as a borderline feral energy, she moves to clutch at the sides of her head, thick tufts of lemon yellow spilling out from between her fingers. “Oh, my stars. I’ve lost my touch!”

“Wait, who’s out of touch?” Ruby’s curious voice chimes from nearby. Overjoyed to see her again, Steven whirls to face her with a huge grin as she enters the barn and lounges against one of the support beams, propping a hand on her hip.

“I- it’s nothing important,” Peridot mutters, flushing as she smooths her hair back into place.

Immediately making note of the hint of shame dancing across her features, he nods. “Yeah, we were just chit-chatting! Hey, how’s Amethyst doing, though? You went to talk to her, right?”

Ruby huffs in frustration at the mention of the quartz Gem, grinding her boots against the floor so hard that for a second he’s genuinely concerned she might spark a fire under her very feet. “Tried to. But then she slashed her whip towards me and said I couldn’t help her, so ‘go away!’” she exclaims, throwing her arms in the air. “Can you believe it? I’m trying to provide some love and support, and she, she just- tells me to scram!”

“Aw, that’s not very nice,” he says with a frown, feeling his heart pulse in sympathy as she begins to pace back and forth across the wooden slats, grumbling under her breath.

“What’s her problem today, anyways?” Peridot asks, crossing her arms. “She’s usually much more amicable.”

Steven nibbles at the inside of his lip as he considers the concerning downward trajectory of Amethyst’s recent behavior. Sure, she can sometimes get snippy when she’s in a bad place, but this past week her outward attitude has built into a continuous problem. He himself has been on the receiving end of her acerbic words more than a few times, such as that afternoon they goaded each other into a duel at the Sky Arena, and that barbed retort she pierced him with at the fountain. Then there’s her fight with Pearl, her resulting emotional seclusion, today’s callous treatment of Peridot, Lapis, Ruby…

He desperately wishes he could pin all the blame for this on a single person, a single event, (because oh, wouldn’t that make his life so much easier), but when he tracks the evidence of her unrest it becomes blindingly clear that her problems began long before Rose’s betrayal was revealed.

“Well, beyond all the, uh… latest stuff, she’s been super insecure about Jasper,” he offers. Rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet with his flip flops rhythmically clapping against his heels, he rummages his brain for the easiest way to explain the root of the situation. “Basically, Jasper took Amethyst out in a fight a week ago, and ever since that she’s been training super hard a whole lot. I think she’s desperate for a rematch, to prove she’s good enough.”

“Wait, wait, wait—“ The green Gem holds her hands out, palms open. “You’re telling me she’s got an inferiority complex about Jasper? With where she came from?” She lets out a raucous peel of laughter, holding her sides. “Oh Amethyst! That’s ridiculous! She was made way better than that clod.”

He squints at her inquisitively, crossing his arms as he tries to make sense of the interesting new conversation thread that just flowed out of her mouth. “But what do you mean, where she came from? Isn’t she from Homeworld, like you?”

Ruby freezes in place upon hearing this question, clear worry threaded through her creased browline. Her mouth bobs open as if she’s gearing up to answer his question, but amidst her hesitation— a timidness that, the more he thinks about it, is bizarrely out of place from the bold, confident Gem Steven’s gotten to know from all the other times Garnet’s unfused— Peridot beats her to the charge.

“Pfft, are you kidding? She emerged right here from Earth, and not even from its good kindergarten!”

He slams his hands against his cheeks, internally reeling from this revelation. “There’s other kindergartens?”

“Well, sure! There was supposed to be one in every facet. Until the rebellion put a swift end to the Diamonds’ colonization efforts, that is,” she adds quickly, adjusting her visor. “There’s Amethyst’s Prime Kindergarten in Facet Five, but there’s also the Beta Kindergarten in Facet Nine. And that piece of work is where Jasper was made… poorly!” Giggling in excitement, she rapidly shuffles her feet beneath her. The glimmer of light reflected in her eyes is bright enough to rival a distant star. “You guys have to see it!”

Steven balls up his hand at his chin, deliberating. He has to admit, after the recent emotional upheaval that he now can’t help but associate with this place, he really likes the idea of spending time somewhere other than the barn.

“Huh. Might be worth asking if she wants to check it out,” he says with a shrug. “Ruby, you in?”

The Gem in question nibbles at the corner of her lip, humming low under her breath as she considers his offer. A small bead of sweat hangs above her brow. Sporting a good natured grin, he nudges her in the side with his elbow, hoping he can cheer her up a bit.

“A little more time with your favorite Steven and Peri? Eh? Come on, you know you wanna!”

“Do it, do it!” Peridot chimes in, pumping her fists up and down.

He eagerly joins in with her rallying cry, and in no time at all they’re both circling around their friend chanting those very words. Ruby stands center with her arms crossed and her back erect, desperately trying not to break her stoic facade with a smile. It’s ultimately futile, of course. After all, no one can resist the good ol’ Universe charm forever!

“All right, fine, fine, I’ll come,” she finally acquiesces, and with a smirk, plants both her hands on her hips. “After all, someone’s gotta keep an eye on all you trouble makers!”

Now that Ruby’s officially on board, the trio ventures outside to find Amethyst, Steven and Peridot giggling as they begin to skip around the perimeter of the barn side by side, arms linked together. Brushing a few flyaway curls out of his face amidst the comforting breeze, he glances over his shoulder when they reach the first corner to make sure they’re not leaving their friend in the dust. And thankfully she’s right on their tail, but he can’t help but notice her enthusiasm seems muted. He presses his lips together in concern. Does she not want to go with them? Is he only forcing her into this? His stomach twists with guilt as he ponders this quandary further. It’s not his intention to be pushy, but maybe— between coercing Amethyst to take a break and accompany him to the barn, begging Lapis to stay, and now, nudging Ruby to come to the Kindergarten— he’s only being selfish and manipulative about all this. He thought he was bringing people together, but what if he’s wrong? What if he’s only straining relationships, tainting the already tense atmosphere, making everything worse?

(What if this is the same sort of excuse his mom Rose used to make?)

With Amethyst slashing her whip at a few old rusted cans in the clearing before them, however, there’s no time to waste drowning within what-ifs. It’s like that day he learned about Garnet’s future vision for the first time: if he lets himself get tangled up in the possibilities he’ll never truly live. He sighs under his breath, lips pursed. Of course. Garnet’s right even when she isn’t here. As much as he’d love to go crazy psychoanalyzing the impact of every solitary step he makes, at this point he’s made his choices and whatever happens, happens. It’s time to live now.

Initially, the purple Gem is rather indignant at the idea that the three of them were gossiping about her behind her back— eyes clouded with hurt— but once Peridot explains that the point of their proposed Kindergarten field trip is to check out Jasper’s no-doubt lame hole, she blinks away her bitterness and seems to eagerly climb aboard.

“Sure, why not? ‘S not like there’s anything more fun than roasting your enemies.”

“I strongly agree,” Peridot says, nodding with pride.

But before the newly expanded Shorty Squad can begin their journey, there’s something Steven really needs to address. Something that’s been troubling him all day. Nervous butterflies filling his stomach, he leans up close to his sibling-in-crime and whispers so the others don’t hear:

“Amethyst, can I talk to you for a bit before we leave?”

Her expression curdles, but thankfully, unlike in Ruby’s unfortunate account, she doesn’t make a move towards her whip to push him away. Instead, she meets him with a gaze so hardened and difficult to read that his eyes can’t help but drift away, perhaps a little intimidated by the intensity of this contact.

“Yeah, I guess,” she mutters eventually. She flicks her wrist up at the other two, gesturing for them to get a move on. “Go on ahead. We’ll catch up.”

Ruby and Peridot nod, the red Gem with a good deal more sympathy drawn on her face, (but for him or Amethyst?), and promptly set off towards the warp pad. He continues to watch until they disappear beyond the curve of the grassy hillside, both conversing comfortably. The last he hears before the warp shoots its cyan stream of light into the sky is a hooting laugh from Ruby. Despite how non-ideal this visit has been so far, he can’t help the smile stretching across his cheeks, or how his chest grows all warm and fuzzy. It’s really nice to see Peridot getting along so well with the others now. She’s made such huge strides in the past few months.

Something metallic clangs behind him. Flinching, Steven whirls around. A crumpled, abused soda can lays overturned by the side of the barn. Amethyst— arms crossed tight just under her gem and her hair more spiked and untamed than usual— glares at that poor hunk of tin as if it’s solely to blame for all of this galaxy’s problems. She moves to lean against the barn’s outer wall and peers at him expectantly, like a troubled child expecting judgement from a parental figure.

“So. You wanted to talk,” she says, tone clipped.

“I… wanted to be honest,” he mutters, threading his fingers together as he grasps for how best to word this. “Amethyst… I know you’ve been going through some hard stuff lately. I know everything that’s happened in the past few days doesn’t help. But you’ve been so inconsiderate of like, everyone here.” He swings his arm in a wide gesture towards the barn. “Peridot and Lapis didn’t deserve the way you treated them earlier.”

No response.

Steven frowns, and— a glimmer of quiet frustration bubbling deep within him, the sort he’d never admit to out loud but can’t help but harbor whenever he catches wind of small injustices that he can never seem to fix— scratches an burgeoning itch at the nape of his neck. He… oh stars, he’s going about this completely wrong, isn’t he? He’s being too confrontational. Hmm. Maybe he should try a new angle. Time for take two.

“I know you only acted that way because you’re hurting and don’t wanna think about it,” he continues, “but please, you don’t have to box your emotions away like that. I wanna help. I wanna listen.”

Slowly, gently, he moves to place a hand on her shoulder. It feels like a small victory when she doesn’t shift upon his touch.

“Believe me, you’re not alone in feeling this way.”

Again, nothing. She’s not even looking at him right now, and her jaw’s locked. Even her form feels tense under his fingers, with hard light pulsing back and forth under her illusory skin at an alarmingly unusual pace.

He sighs, gaze dropping towards the ground, towards the battered can she kicked aside earlier. “I’m worried, y’know? But... I understand if you’re not ready to talk… about Jasper, and—“

“Oh, hoh! That’s rich!” she explodes suddenly, jerking her arm away. “You seriously wanna bury your head in the sand and pretend this is just about Jasper?”

He tiptoes away from her rush of anger, eyes growing puffy. “I—“

“You wanna know how I feel, Steven? About your mom, and the whole awful mess she made? Do you really? ‘Cause I don’t have a single CLUE what I should feel anymore!”

Amethyst pauses for breath amidst her tirade, briefly locking sight with him with a glimmer of hurt reflected in her violet irises, showing that deep underneath all those twisted layers of anger and resentment she’s just another scared, abandoned Gem like him.

“Rose was everything to me, okay?” she says, throwing her palms wide for emphasis. “And all this time, I thought she was the one Crystal Gem who could be real with me. The only one who wouldn’t sugarcoat things or treat me like a baby. ‘Oh, you’re perfect the way you are, Amethyst!’” she coos in a fake, silky-sweet voice, cupping her cheeks as she openly mocks the very Gem who gave her life so he could exist. “You’re such a strong little quartz, you mean so much to me!’ Hah!”

She pauses to force a bitter laugh, clenching her hands into insufferably tight fists.

“And wasn’t that just a huge load of silt,” she spits, staring off into the rosy distance as if it were but a cruel mirage, the pain more than evident in the taut features of her face. “All along I thought she was this great, faultless person, just like you did. Except she wasn’t. She’s a liar, like everyone else. I’m worthless, just like Jasper said… and Rose knew it.”

Hesitantly, compassionately— heart breaking for the internal struggle she’s caught within, a struggle he intimately relates to— he tries once more to reach out in comfort.

“Amethyst…”

She sniffles, wiping away the leaking fluid pooling at the corners of her eyes.

(She does not, however, brush him away this time when he wraps his arms around her torso and nestles his head against her chest.)

“Just— forget it, okay?” she says after a quiet moment’s embrace, gently stepping back from his affection. “It’s whatever. Come on, Peridot and Ruby are waiting for us. Let’s dump this joint.”

__________

Ruby quietly shuffles across the loose soil, directing her eyes as low to the ground as possible to avoid having to stare at the Beta Kindergarten’s steep cliff walls. Red sandstone, Peridot proclaims a few feet away to their newly arrived sightseers, whirling in place with her arms extended wide. We’re lucky this place hasn’t blown away. Beta, am I right?

Steven manages a soft laugh at this. Amethyst continues onward with her arms crossed, unimpressed. But Ruby herself? Well, she’s the only Gem here who can say she crossed this infamous swath of sedimentary rock at its very beginning, on the day of emergence. The others may choose to laugh about how soft and unideal the soaring sandstone cliffs are, or about the uneven exit holes and curved walls, but in her opinion it’s no laughing matter. She’s seen firsthand how deadly even a so-called ‘imperfect’ Homeworld soldier can be. Even Garnet barely escaped with her gems intact.

Nervously flexing her fingers at her side as she tries not to dwell on that tragedy, she flashes her gaze upward, daring to catch even a passing glimpse of the top of the vast canyon. In an instant her vision swims with endless pillars of rusty oranges and reds.

Everything on this planet might as well tower over her without Sapphire. The once-welcoming arms of their temple? Monolithic. The vaulted ceilings of the beach house? Her eidetic memory can’t help but remind her of her early days spent marching through Homeworld’s diamond sized hallways with the rest of her squadron, patrolling the same route for well over five hundred cycles straight. The kicker? The Diamonds never had any reason to visit the shipment sector in person, anyways. The hallways were only constructed with such high ceilings to remind any Gem passing through of their rightful place under the Authority.

Over two hundred years, she adhered to their twisted rhetoric. Two hundred years of allowing everyone and everything around her to make her feel small, like she only existed for a singular purpose. Two hundred years of ignoring the tug of dissatisfaction at the core of her gem because of the misplaced belief that orderly subjugation under the Diamonds was simply the rightful pattern of existence. Then, in a beautiful bloom of light… she caught a glimpse of true freedom. And for the five thousand seven hundred years after that, Garnet didn’t feel quite so small anymore. She felt capable, confident, satisfied. Aided by Ruby’s physical strength and Sapphire’s future vision, she finally dared to challenge Homeworld’s rhetoric. She dared to live for herself.

Sighing under her breath, Ruby touches her fingers to the place in her right palm where her missing gem is, tracing the triangular shape of its illusory facets.

There’s no use arguing; Garnet was a better Crystal Gem than she can ever hope to be on her own. And now, because Rose just had to go and manipulate all of them, there’s a strong chance she’ll never get to be Garnet with her Sapphy ever again. Which means that until further notice, she’s stuck like this: short, stubby, and woefully insecure. Hah! Figures. All those years spent fighting against Homeworld’s warped notion that Gems had stagnant purposes and couldn’t grow beyond their stations, and now it’s as if she’s been dumped back at the beginning, like the past five millennia never happened.

It’s a cruel irony.

And yet it’s no crueler than this awful place: a cradle of birth manufactured as a tool of war, a Gem’s very existence leeching the life out of this once-fertile ground. The scars on the walls tell a mournful story, and as Ruby slowly trudges after her loved ones, fingers numb and fidgety in the wake of haunted disorientation, she can’t help but wish she wasn’t present for its prologue.

“Ruby…?”

Her sight trains on one of the tilted exit holes closest to ground level, on the messy silhouette it provides. She remembers this one, in fact, Garnet watched her emerge. She was a carnelian. By Homeworld’s standards, an imperfect one. That doesn’t matter, though. None of Homeworld’s lies matter. Running on nothing but the primary orders she was incubated with, (it wasn’t her fault, it was the Diamonds’, she reminds herself with a bitter growl), that Gem still emerged to poof three fellow rebels on sight. If Garnet hadn’t been so quick to retrieve their gemstones, they might have been shattered that day. Many of the others assigned to her squadron weren’t as lucky. Inhaling shakily, Ruby pauses to trace her fingers across a raised ridge in the rough, brittle sandstone.

“Hey, Ruby!” his energetic voice calls again, snapping her out of her intense focus like a fusion splitting in half.

“Aaaah!” she cries, swinging around and pulling both fists up in defense. Her hands uncoil rapidly once she catches a glimpse of that cheery yellow star.

Aw, scrap! she chides herself, repositioning her feet solid on the ground to regain some sense of internal balance. Damned startle reflex.

Unfazed, Steven grins boyishly, skipping a few steps away from the rest of the group to join her by the cliff wall. “Penny for your thoughts?”

Amethyst and Peridot are watching now too, she realizes, her brief but audible outburst thoroughly diverting their attention from their Beta Kindergarten roast session. Their quizzical glances pin her in place, her hard-light form heating in embarrassment as she struggles to organize the flow of her emotions in a way that might make sense to anyone beyond a fellow ruby. She scrunches up her nose and considers her next words carefully, attempting to strike the proper boundary between what is and isn’t appropriate to say in front of a half-human child. Stars knows Amethyst, Pearl, and herself haven’t had a great record with that over the past few days.

“Just thinkin’ about Sapphire, mostly,” she admits, offering him a saddened shrug. “Can’t seem to stop that, even half a world away.”

“Speaking of that... Why did you run after us?” Amethyst asks in a notably less cranky manner than earlier, lightly kicking at the dirt with the toes of her booties. “You never said.”

“Y’know, I…” She pauses, pressing her hand to her chin. “I’m not sure. I spent days waiting in front of the temple door. And eventually, I guess I figured that if she’s gonna make me wait no matter what, I might as well do something with myself until then. ‘Sides, I didn’t want to be lonely,” she adds, suddenly feeling just as small and vulnerable in front of all of them as her timid voice sounds.

She felt lonely enough when she ran away from home a few days ago, tears streaming in messy rivulets down her face, utterly spurning their attempts at comfort so she could pretend she was anything else than powerless amidst this nightmare. She never wanted to split, not at all. She begged Sapphire to give their relationship another chance, to believe in the strength of their love more than the fear of a diamond’s control, but tragically, her partner couldn’t hold up under the pressure. If one individual doesn’t wholeheartedly want to be Garnet, then Garnet cannot exist. They can’t synchronize. It’s simply the nature of fusion. And given her love’s avoidance, refusing to so much as leave her room to begin with, Ruby’s beginning to lose hope that their fusion will ever exist again. The crippling isolation that realization affords is the worst form of loneliness she can imagine.

Thus, the least she can do at the moment to mitigate these all-consuming feelings is to get off her butt, leave the temple, and ensure she’s surrounded by loved ones.

Peridot steeples her fingers together in front of her chest. “Well, what if you moved in with us?” she offers in a meek tone at first, her expression brightening as she continues to explain her idea. “The barn’s got plenty of room, and with two roommates you’d never have to feel lonely again!”

Steven’s dark irises practically sparkle. “Aww, Peridot, that’s super sweet of you to offer!”

“Wow, thanks,” she replies earnestly, puffing out her chest in a rush of personal pride. “I do try!”

“Yeah!” Ruby says with a hesitant laugh, scratching at the back of her neck. “That sounds amazing, but…”

“You should do it, Ruby!” he encourages, bouncing up and down on his sandaled feet amidst his excitement. “You should totally move in with them!”

“D’ya… d’ya really think so?”

“Yeah! It’d be like your very own vacation, but you’d only be a warp away!”

“And you’re sure you’d be fine with it? Y’know, with everything at home all…” She blows a juicy raspberry, jabbing her thumb down.

Amethyst serves her a big shrug. “I ain’t got a problem. Go crazy.”

“There’s no need to worry about me,” Steven says, smiling evenly. “I only want what’s best for you. And if you think not staying in the temple all the time would make you feel better, you should give it a try!”

Her concerned glance drops on the young half-Gem. Sure, it’s very compassionate of him, actively choosing to care so deeply for everyone’s emotional needs all the time, but home life for him hasn’t exactly been nurturing and hospitable lately. He already lost one of his pillars of stability when Garnet unfused. Pearl and Amethyst are at each other’s necks again. Sapphire hasn’t emerged from her room for days. Greg’s… doing whatever it is Greg does when he’s not hanging out with his son, probably keeping his distance from Gem business as usual. So with all that in mind, even if temporarily living apart from Sapphire is sure to be a beneficial move for her personal well-being and sanity, is now actually the proper time to consider a change in scenery? She purses her lips.

“I’ll think about it.”

Peridot lets out a sharp squeal of delight, apparently ecstatic about the prospect of possibly gaining a new roommate. Ruby can’t help but grin at this response. In truth, if she didn’t have to consider the well-being of Steven and the rest of the Crystal Gems, she’d say yes in a heartbeat. After all, she’s never gotten the opportunity to make many decisions on her own. Heck, she’s never gotten the opportunity to do much of anything on her own. Every time she’s unfused within the last five thousand years, her priorities have always been about what Sapphire would want, what Sapphire would do.

Well, what about Ruby, this time? Aren’t her desires important? What does she want?

Long term… she has no clue. But right now? She’d prefer to avoid dire reminders of old sorrows at all costs, thank you. So when Peridot declares that she’s 99.9% positive she’s found Jasper’s exit hole, Ruby declines to join them in their roast session. She never came here for sightseeing, anyways. She came here as their lookout. Just in case. She’s never trusted this awful tear in the ground one bit, and she’s not about to start now.

Running instinctively on old programming she was incubated with, she creeps deeper between the narrow mouth of the cliffs and summons her gauntlets at her side. Sure, so maybe they’re not as daunting in their size as Garnet’s, but they can still pack one heck of a punch. She’s still good at punching on her own, yeah? Hopefully? Stars, it’s been so long since she’s gone solo for more than a few measly hours.

And then, at the cliff base in front of her, she spots the most unusual exit hole she’s seen in this miserable canyon yet. For one, it’s low to the ground, like Amethyst’s. That fact alone is enough to set off alarm bells in her head. On top of that, its silhouette is almost comically wide and indistinct, not resembling any cut of Gem she’s aware of.

“Huh. That’s different,” she murmurs, pacing closer to investigate.

Maybe an off-color topaz could punch a hole as wide as this? But… no, no. That can’t be right. Hard light coursing wildly through her form, Ruby dissipates one of her gauntlets and runs the tips of her fingers across the crumbly inside surface of this hole. A few granules of sandstone break off upon her touch and clatter against the ground, and she jerks her hand away as if touching impossibly cold ice. Something about this feels... wrong. To be fair, she’s no expert kindergartener like Peridot, but she’s pretty confident the interior of exit holes should be smooth, with striated rock layers extending all the way back. Instead, this bizarre scar in the cliffs almost seems like—

“It’s dug out,” she says, eyes widening in dawning horror.

Which means they may not be alone in this rusted relic of a Kindergarten after all.

Her body suddenly feeling staticky and unbalanced amidst all this damning uncertainty, she tiptoes away from this mysterious feature, slowly at first, and then— as the fear begins to bubble up within her core like boiling water transformed under her power— transitioning into a sprint. We’re not alone, she repeats to herself in a harried mantra. Not alone. Not alone, we’re not alone, we’re—

Ruby’s foot catches on an uneven lip of stone jutting up from the ground, and she quickly plows headfirst into the coarse dirt, promptly ending her terror-stricken flight.

“Ow,” she whines as she recovers from this fall, rubbing at the side of her head. Not only is she a little dizzy, but her surroundings are made further hazy amidst the overbearing sunlight pounding indiscriminately upon the ground floor of this canyon. It’s enough disorientation to allow the jumbled code of her gem to begin to play tricks on her. For one, she swears she can hear this low, timid skittering, like thick claws rhythmically scraping against rock. Second, she’s half-convinced she can feel a surplus of physical vibrations radiating from the cliffs surrounding her. Squinting, she shields her eyes under a raised arm so she can begin to gain her bearings again. The blinding light recedes.

The red Gem gulps fearfully amidst the burning colors of the harsh sandstone landscape. “Wait, is that—“

She’s stumbled her way into a massive clearing, lined on all sides by stacked rows of holes physically dug into the sheer walls. Each opening is barred by a number of thick metal rods, stripped from the legs of the injectors that once incubated this hell in the first place. The thoughtful engineering imbued in this setup is impressive and terrifying all at once. Ignoring the tangible tug of hesitation at her core, she pushes herself back on her feet and creeps towards the closest cage to investigate further.

“Uh, you guys?” she calls loudly as she walks, the unusual curves of this canyon an undisputed blessing as they carry her message back to the others.

“Yeah?” Amethyst chimes back, her voice notably distant. Too distant.

“We’ve got, um—” her hand glides across one of the bent, rusty bars— “a bit of a problem here?”

“What?? Speak louder, we can’t hear you!”

Before she can even prepare to reply, a fur-covered monstrous creature leaps from the shadowy abyss of its prison and snaps its tusks at her. She yells, jerking her hand away from the cage and stumbling a few feet back. Her brow creases in abject confusion as she attempts to process what she’s seeing in front of her. It’s… it’s a corrupted Gem? This one’s most definitely a quartz; she recognizes the faceting, as well as the distinctive fur-covered quadrupedal shape of its corrupted form. But why on Earth is it being trapped within a cage in the middle of a defunct kindergarten instead of being placed in a bubble’s comforting stasis? The ground beneath her feet grows noticeably warmer as a rush of impassioned anger surges through her hard light form. She grinds her teeth together, flexing her fists at her side in the name of this cruel injustice. Caging isn’t part of Crystal Gem protocol for a reason!

Unfortunately, the horror show continues as her gaze passes over each and every cage in this clearing, finding scared, thrashing, corrupted Gems in almost all of them. Fluid builds up at the corner of her eyes as they scream and wail at her, riding a fresh wave of cacophony spurned by that Gem she spooked just a moment ago. How could anyone ever build such an awful place? And why?

Heavy, assured footfalls suddenly bounce across the acoustically encouraging slopes and surfaces of this ravine, magnified tenfold in their wake. Ruby gasps, wasting no time in ducking behind a tall rocky formation at the mouth of the clearing. That’s definitely not Amethyst or any of the others. It sounds too large, too bulky. She kneels low so she can still peek over the topmost layer of sandstone, a knot of dread coiling within as the footfalls continue to grow louder. Groaning, she clutches at her head. The unknown, the impenetrable shadow of the future… stars, it haunts her more than loneliness itself.

And then, the specter of her history reveals herself, making Ruby’s tangible form stutter in the sheer terror her appearance affords.

Jasper— her opponent, her nightmare, the Rebel Slayer herself— emerges from a plume of rising dust at the edge of this populous arena and enters the game.

#su #steven universe #ruby #amethyst #peridot #su fanfiction #my writing stuff #crack the paragon

45 notes · View notes

courtneystriker · 4 years

Text

My Thoughts on the HG Prequel

I just finished reading The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes and I got to say, my feelings are mixed. Below I have an entire review for the story which included how I felt, the expectations, the biases I had going into the new book, and how I felt after reading. Please note there will be spoilers. Also this review isn’t meant to hurt anyone and if you absolutely love the book so far...good! Enjoy it fully! As an aspiring writer myself and someone who studied in college/loves creative writing I’m well aware that people just have different takes on writing. Glad you are enjoying it :)

Anyways, here it goes…

The Expectations

As the Hunger Games series is one of my favorites of all time, I had a strong bias to like this book. Since it was first announced, without knowing any details, I was extremely excited and optimistic. I re-read the entire Hunger Games series twice beforehand in preparation; once with my fiancé and once on my own. The only thing I really wanted, knowing that it took place during the tenth hunger games, was that the arena reflected how new the hunger games were. Then, when we learned what the series was about, people started voicing some concerns or were disappointed by the plot, instead wanting it to be something like Finnick’s arena, Haymitch’s, Mags’, etc. etc. I was not among this group. However, I understand where they were coming from, because I always thought the idea of the first Quarter Quell (the one where the districts voted for the tributes) was an extremely interesting concept.

Yet I think these things are best left explored in fanfiction as they add nothing to the series and Suzanne Collins did an excellent job just giving us enough information to get the idea. At that point it’d just be a book on details, which could fall short or be a gimmicky, cheap way to keep people reading the series and keep her name relevant. And wasn’t that part of the message in her series, the thing Katniss so heavily criticized that gave a great irony to the books? Who would watch children killing each other for entertainment? Meanwhile, we as the reader are reading these books as a form of entertainment. Plus, Suzanne Collins so skillfully painted the illusion of knowing but not fully knowing their stories that it’s haunting, and I think that is one of the many reasons (along with the battle royale trope being naturally compelling, liking the characters, etc.) that a lot of us are more drawn towards these stories rather than (at least for me) a book on Snow.

That being said, I was not against the idea of a book on Snow because I find villain characters, especially grey ones, to be very interesting to read about, and I was pretty certain Suzanne was going to handle this beautifully, especially since you could already feel this atmosphere coming off of Snow in the Hunger Games series. I know some were really concerned about a Snow redemption arc, but to me it felt very obvious that it couldn’t be and it would be more of him sliding into evil.

I did have other concerns when I read the description for the first time. I could not believe they went with the whole tribute from District Twelve thing again. I loved Katniss and District Twelve, but I did not want Katniss 2.0. I said right from the beginning to my fiancé that she’d have to make the tribute from District Twelve extremely different for me to get on board (though I was holding on faith that Collins would). It just felt cheap and gimmicky to rehash the District Twelve thing, it sort of made me feel the same way I would have if she had written about one of the games I mentioned above. Sure, it’d sell, but it wouldn’t add anything to the series. I was thinking she better not hunt, sing, or have any qualities resembling Katniss really.

Another thing I worried about was the love story they hinted at in the description. It just didn’t make sense to me. Because how was Snow going to ever support the games if from an earlier age he fell in love with a tribute and vowed to protect her? Then later he’s all like pro-hunger games? Just this itself could weaken the entire series if done poorly, because it would weaken the main antagonist’s motives for not only the prequel but also the Hunger Games series as well. I kept thinking either the girl has to die in the arena betraying Snow somehow (which is what I was hoping for), Snow will have to betray her, or perhaps he would have been faking love for her for some sort of personal gain I couldn’t imagine. Either way, I thought it weakened the story's appeal to me. Yet overall I was still excited, desperately waiting for the book’s release.

And now that I have read it, I have to say it felt forced at a lot of parts and lackluster overall…

*Spoilers start here*

My Review:

Suszanne Collins’ writing style is one I’ve always loved and has consistently appealed to me. Even though this book is written in 3rd person (which some may like less if you don’t particularly like third person) it holds up well against the original series. So I really had no complaints in this regard besides the excessive use of songs (felt like fanfiction a bit). I think if you liked the original series and don’t mind third person you’ll feel right at home with her style.

The concerns others had about Snow’s redemption are completely dismissed in this book. Like I had predicted, she writes about his fall into evil, and although it’s not black and white evil (as I don’t like anyways) you can very much tell he’s a bad guy and that the hardships he faced in life only further pushed him towards obtaining status and power. Overall, he feels true to the character when we end up seeing him in the Hunger Games series, and his journey to power fits the images Finnick painted in Mockingjay. He is very well characterized in the book and perfectly unlikable while maintaining an intriguing internal dialogue (although it does occasionally feel tedious, but not enough to bother me; others may feel differently).

The way he is written is very much in line with Collin’s great characterization, one of the reasons I always loved The Hunger Games. All the characters felt like real people. They all had an extreme depth to them and I felt they all resembled people I had actually met in real life. There were little to no characters that relied solely on gimmicky personalities to get by. Even very minor characters that seemed depthless and swallow at first--like Katniss’s prep team--had more to them. So I thought going into this book I had nothing to worry about in that regard. I didn’t even really spare it a thought, but boy was I wrong.

I think Snow and Lucy Grey were the only characters that had (at least partly) the depth that the original Hunger Games cast had. I’ll discuss Lucy Grey later but first let me talk about some side characters. Where to even begin really? There’s a LOT of characters in this book. Frankly, way too many, which I think contributes heavily to the lack of depth in the characters. Honestly there’s so many that the names of characters were hard to keep track of while listening to the audiobook (my hard copy of the book was still in the mail and I didn’t want to wait). Things got a bit clustered in my mind quickly. There were twenty-four tributes, twenty-four mentors, Snow’s family, The Dean and Drs at the university, Snow’s Peacekeeper crew, and the Covey, and those are just the groups that I can cluster together. At least, the ones I remember having names and getting introduced, but I think that’s everyone really important. There was no real time to develop or get to know them really, which made the tributes’ deaths more meaningless as I could barely recall their names. It caused impactful scenes to weaken significantly overall and it made characters serve only to characterize and amplify Snow’s fall into evil.

Here’s what I mean by that. The head Gamemaker, Dr. Gaul, really was the character I hated the most while reading this. She was just evil without reason (one of the weakest villain types with little to no personality besides being evil). She even made creepy rhymes as if she was in some sort of horror movie, and the entire point of her character was to contribute a lot to some of the forced plot points driving Snow’s moral decline. For example, there were all her tests, which seemed contrived and all directly connected to getting Snow to think the Hunger Games was a good idea. She was seemingly supposed to be a Dr. Mengele type character, as this book has a lot of Holocaust-esqe imagery. I’m fine with irredeemably evil villains, but instead of getting the depth that a Dr. Mengele character could offer (as some may know, many children that were part of his experiments actually said he was kind and gave them candy, and I find that deeply haunting to this day.) She is a flat, one-dimensional character whose entire personality could be described with one word: sociopath. Evil people are master manipulators, which is how they get away with evil things. I think at one of the funerals she puts on a good public face, and she seems to have power, money and influence. Yet the book doesn’t show this seemingly present quality nearly enough to make her a haunting character. Instead we get nursery rhythms and clearly driven lessons towards evil at are contrived. Like “Write about what you most liked about the war” or the assignment to improve the hunger games? Like what class is this? Why are they taking it? And why are the young kids of the influential deciding this instead of the influential people themselves?

Another character I feel was just there for Snow’s development and to represent an opposite viewpoint but lacked Collin’s usual depth is Sejanus Plinth. As a District 2 citizen whose family got rich off the war and moved to the Capitol, he is the main opposing viewpoint of the book, presenting Snow with a chance to do the right thing. I’ve seen people say he’s a Peeta-like character, but I completely reject that idea. He lacks in the charm Peeta has, relishes in self-pity (although he’s completely justified in his sadness and has a right to be upset), and while he has a heart like Peeta, he ultimately doesn’t know how to use it. Instead of working within his position to get influence like Peeta so masterfully does, he’s hot-headed and continuously makes poor decisions that ultimately don’t help anyone. It’s like he wants to help but doesn’t know how as he’s driven completely by emotion without reason. He too contributes to some forced scenes, particularly my least favorite in the book; when they sneak into the arena. Overall, he just falls flat for me. Again, I feel I don’t know anything about him beyond what he contributes to Snow’s story line and he doesn’t come across as realistic. It’s like Collins just wrote how someone would normally react to the hunger games, slapped a district number on him and went on her merry way.

I just wasn’t prepared for these sort of characters when the Hunger Games series made even the smallest of characters stand out dramatically. I feel neutral to annoyed by most characters in this novel. I could expand this portion, and maybe if people inquire I’ll elaborate on some of the other characters as I have strong opinions on them, but this post is already getting long, so I’ll move on to Lucy Grey.

Lucy Grey is by far my favorite character even though she is bordering towards being a character from a fanfiction. Not quite a Mary Sue in my opinion but there is a certain connection to fanfiction I made with her. You may have guessed some issues I had with her by reading my expectations earlier in the post, but that has not displaced my love for her. Her personality is very different from Katniss’s, or even Peeta’s or Haymitch’s. She had a different type of charm than all of them, is a natural performer, and seemed more extroverted. Also, the whole idea of the Covey and her “not really” being district was intriguing. It really highlighted the displacement that war can cause and how people can just be in the wrong place at the wrong time. (Although I was confused on how much mobility between the districts there were….and did District Twelve have a fence or no?) It really emphasizes one of the main themes of the book, extreme prejudice against both Capitol and District. Her spot sort of in between really drives home the point that there's literally no difference except extreme poverty, and even then there was poverty in the Capitol, only better hidden. Her bright mood (and clothes), her poised attitude, and her optimism made her endearing. She was confident in her skin yet still held the fear of a sixteen year old going into the hunger games.

There were only two main things that bothered me about her, which was of course the direct connections made to Katniss (which I’ll elaborate on) and the forced “love” story between her and Snow. I suppose that has less to do with her and rather more to do with my dislike of that subplot. And I'm a sucker for some good romantic subplots, but yikes!

I think having one strong connection to Katniss was all that was really needed in this book. I really liked the idea of that connection being the Hanging Tree Song, as I can only imagine how it made Snow feel watching “The Mockingjay” sing it in the propo. Despite me not liking that fact that Lucy Grey is also an enchanting singer as that felt like directly stepping in Katniss’s territory, I did enjoy the little twist of Lucy Grey writing the song. Yet the connections between the two when the plot took us to District Twelve went too far. It felt like it took away all of Katniss’s special places and things. The lake, her katniss roots, her gift towards music, her fondness for the meadow, sneaking into the woods, etc. I think one solid connection would have solidified their bond beautifully. Having so many seemed like it was really trying to force the reader to make the connection when it was already painfully clear I guess? Plus, having Lucy stand out at her reaping ( the whole song part read like a bad, contrived fanfiction bit to me) and having people care about her in the Capitol while moral questions of the hunger games were still surfacing made me start to think...isn’t this how the rebellion for Katniss got started? At least partly. I get it’s a different time. Too close to the war. It just felt way too similar. I guess Collins was going for the idea of a lost rebellion that in a way Lucy Grey started that Katniss later revives. Yet it feels like that invalidates the specialness of what Katniss does in the original series as it’s already happened; it just got erased. I guess history repeats itself, but I really just didn’t like it. I could see the appeal to some extent, and it could be a beautiful connection, but it just wasn’t for me.

Now on to the plot, which is the last thing I’ll talk about as this post is getting ridiculously long. A lot of the plot felt very forced or contrived, which was another shocker coming from Collins because her pacing and plot was done really well in the original series. Of course, a lot of this was driven by Dr. Gaul and Sejanus Plinth as the entire plot hinged on the moral debate of the hunger games these two represent. Other plot points just hinged on what happened to establish the games. I mean the rebel bomb explosion seemingly only happened to change the terrain so Dr. Gaul can then bring up the idea of the different arena and how that made the tributes act differently, thus creating the crazy arenas we see later in the series. I do have some praise for how Collins established the disparities between the earlier hunger games and the ones we see in Katniss day. From the way they lock the tributes up, don’t feed them, the spotty coverage of the arena, etc. All of that was exceptionally well done. The only complaint I have was that so many tributes died before they even got to the arena (though not because I wanted to see them fight). I had been expecting one to escape or something to further establish that this was new territory and was waiting to see how they handled it in earlier times, but I wasn’t expecting that many to die before the arena got started. It just seemed like a huge Capitol failure that they advertised loudly. I really wasn’t expecting that level of incompetence, just an escaped tribute that threatened to embarrass or harm the fragile beginnings of post-war Panem. Instead, most of the pre-arena stuff felt disastrous. A lot of the mentors' deaths felt forced, and it was weird that the academy never really came under fire at all from all the rich and powerful parents whose children were getting killed because of the mentor experiment. Like it seemed there should have been some interaction there, but there wasn’t. Maybe some was passively mentioned but still, it could have been a whole subplot that further established the debate of the hunger games.

While the pre-arena up to the break-in to the arena felt like the most forced part of the book and certainly I felt it needed more workshopping plot wise, it also harbored some great and powerful scenes, like Arachne pulling the sandwich away from the tribute while she was starving and laughing about it. Basically, all those interactions of poverty and captivity meeting the citizens of the Capitol were done well, but nothing spectacular (unlike the scene of Katniss screaming at Buttercup at the end of Mockingjay which is heart wrenching.)

The last plot point I’ll talk about is the “love” story. I wasn’t a fan, but it was sort of what a lot of the plot hinged on and led to the great scene at the lake between Snow and Lucy Grey. How easy it was for him to betray his “love” for status. This led to some of the most interesting and evil internal monologue Snow had in the entire book. I honestly feel the ending scene, the interaction Snow had with the jabberjays and Mockingjays in District Twelve, and the lynching scenes were among the strongest and most memorable.

The love story again felt forced (sorry I’m using that word so much it’s just so accurate) into the story. This hindered the book from having a strong plot in the same way the weaker characters caused forced interactions and plot points to move things along. Yet at the same time the kind of abusive and lackluster nature of their relationship throughout the book fit perfectly with the ending. Unfortunately, it didn’t really make it very compelling for the reader. Luckily Lucy’s personality kept my interested during these parts. I wouldn’t say their relationship was poorly written at all; in fact the way it was written makes perfect sense. I just think the plot relied too heavily on their “love”, which was gross because of the way Snow is, and the reader knew it had to inevitably end in some kind of betrayal or reveal that there was no love at all. This creates tension for the reader, but I kept wondering: if the love plot had been ditched could we have gotten a stronger plot altogether?

So overall, like I’ve said I’m really conflicted. I know I focused heavily on things I didn’t like, but honestly the book was well written in some regards, plot bouncing between really compelling and a little contrived, the two main characters being written well enough but other characters not so much. Some connections between Lucy Grey and Katniss made at the end were powerful, I loved the Covey, Collins still excelled at writing a lot of the social issues/scenes in the book, and honestly the idea of Lucy Grey being completely forgotten in the Districts that hurts my soul a little. Nothing compared to the feelings I got in any of the Hunger Games books but there’s still something there.

I really hope someone made it through this long ass post. The book was entertaining. I mean I listened to all 16 hours of the audiobook in like a day. I can’t wait until my hardcover comes so I can look through it. Maybe once I know what I’m getting into I can enjoy the book a little more than I did, because right now it’s sitting at very average for me. Maybe I went in with my expectations too high? I certainly like the Hunger Games a lot more and probably always will. Honestly, I love new content, but I’m also the type that likes firm, planned endings to stories (even though it hurts to let things end and the fandoms can suffer from lack of content). I think fans can oftentimes get caught up in what they want and pressure the writer into writing more, which ends up a disappointment since it wasn’t originally planned in the series from the beginning. While I don’t think this is by any means the case with Suzanna Collins or that Lionsgate even pressured her to write this book (I don’t like conspiracies of that sort of thing as a writer myself that plans to have a series in which a book comes out many years after the original part of the series is released), I do wonder if this is the end of the Hunger Games for good. I sure hope so, especially if she would be writing about the other victors. I love them too much and really don’t want to feel similarly about their books, and like I said at the beginning, it wouldn’t add to the series just to my guilty pleasure lol.

Hope you all have enjoyed your reading of the book more than I did :) Again sorry if I wrote anything to upset you! Please if you loved this book ENJOY IT! I’m actually kind of jealous if you did. Feels like missing out on something special.

#The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes #suzanne collins #tbosas #lucy grey #coriolanus #Dr. Gaul #Sejanus Plinth #Hunger Game Prequel #Hunger Games #Katniss #Peeta #hunger games series #review #catching fire #mockingjay #books #writing

123 notes · View notes

boltwrites · 4 years

Text

hey, i want to pay you a compliment but i don’t want to be weird about it - a guide to interacting with a smut writer

so, recently i got a pretty inappropriate ask and figured this would be something beneficial to share with you all, especially if you’re new to interacting with smut writers or don’t know where the line in. i know it can be kind of intimidating and confusing interacting with smut content when you’re new to it or you’ve never spoken to a writer directly, so i hope this guide can offer you a little bit of perspective.

also, a disclaimer - this is based off of what i consider appropriate. if you’re ever worried, just straight up ask a smut writer about what kind of compliments they like, and what would be considered going too far

what compliments related to their work are ok?

so, for me, i highly prefer literature-related comments, however, general enjoyment comments are good as well! here are some examples of each type:

general enjoyment compliments are your safest bet for any fic. they’re a little basic, but authors will still love to see them in tags, asks, and reviews. they’re a fic writer’s bread and butter, and i’d even go so far to say that almost every smut fic writer would find these appropriate. here are some examples:

i loved this fic so much! you’re an amazing writing and i’m looking forward to reading more of your work

EXCUSE ME WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT - this was amazing! one of my fav fics of all time, you have so much talent

THANK YOU FOR THE FOOD (insert praying emoji here)

IJBGRJGOTER OP YOU ARE GOING TO K I L L M E

one of these days i am going to pass out from how good your writing is i SWEAR

you can be funny with these, but the general point is just to compliment the writer, tell them that you enjoy their work and that you value the effort they put into the piece. you can find these kinds of compliments on any sort of fic, i just feel like the last couple of really frantic keysmashing ones are far more common on smut fics!

now, on to literary compliments. this section can be a little trickier, since you’re specifically discussing the smutty content of the story, but here are some general themes to keep in mind: characterization, character relationship, plot/setup, author voice, and realism. since you’re complimenting a writer, leaning into literary elements can do you some good in keeping you grounded in the art of their work rather than stepping over the line into inappropriate comments. some examples:

you write him so well! i definitely think he would be a hard dom, and you captured that perfectly! the dialogue... just *chef’s kiss* (characterization)

dude, the relationship between her and y/n is ADORABLE. like yeah, the smut was awesome, as always, but i love how you captured how soft she would be in a relationship, and y/n is so gentle in return... it was just so sweet, i loved it! (relationships)

i don’t know how you do it but you write the BEST setups. i feel like you can write any character in any kink setup and i would just go “yeah, that makes total sense” even if it’s completely implausible. it’s just that good! respect. (setups/plot)

the way you write is so amazing. i love the way you describe everything, it’s so poetic and beautiful. i definitely think it suits the characters, and i love the idea of a sex scene like that being so intimate and beautiful (author voice)

i love that you don’t take everything so seriously! that you write little jokes even in your sex scenes - i hate reading scenes that are super stiff and overly dramatic, and you capture something so fun and sweet when you write, it’s awesome! (author voice)

ok, can i just say i LOVE how realistic your scenes are? like, i love how you include things like foreplay and aftercare and emphasize the playfulness and even the mistakes that can happen when you’re trying something with a partner for the first time. (realism)

i, personally, love literature related comments. i write smut as a form of literature, and even if it isn’t “high art” i do like it when people appreciate the time i take to work on characterization and similar elements

basically, treat a smut fic like any other fic when it comes to writing a compliment. smut can be literary too!

what compliments aren’t ok?

alright, so this is the important section. mostly this relates to personal experiences that are serious and unrelated to the work itself. basically, you’re treating me, the smut writer, like your friend that you share your sexual experiences with. if it doesn’t relate to the character, the fic, or my writing skill, it’s probably not appropriate. some examples

telling me sex acts you did while you read the fic. this is basically the classic “i jacked off to this, it’s sooooo good” comment. some people can jack off to a particularly curvy piece of driftwood - this isn’t a compliment, this is a violation of writer/reader trust. i don’t want to know about your personal sex life

personal sex stories. don’t tell me about how one time you were fucking your bf and it was like this fic i wrote - i don’t care, i don’t want to hear about how you had sex with your bf.

basically any real life, direct connections to you and your sex life that aren’t jokes (i’ll explain this in the next section)

also, a big section of compliments that are always a hard no - shit that relates back to MY sexual expertise. such as “wow you write this so well, you’re probably good in bed” or “wow you’re a freak huh? lmao” don’t fucking perceive me

what personal comments are ok?

so, this section deals with what asks you can send me that aren’t compliments - aka what messages relating to headcanons, your personal life, etc, that you can share with me that may or may not be smut related. this is specific to ME, as in, check in with other smut writers for these things

sharing jokes surrounding your personal life that may be slightly sexual. for example, at one point, i wrote a set of dick headcanons and an anon commented (in a joking way) that i described their bf’s dick perfectly. while this is a sexual comment, the anon didn’t tell me anything about their sex life or sex acts they committed - they just made a joking sexual comment that connected back to their daily life. for me, personally, if it is slightly sexual, but does not involve any actual sex/masturbation acts, it’s fine to joke about with me

in addition to the above, sending in comments like “thanks, bolt, now i have a praise kink” or similar, after i write something about it. they’re joking, and they’re fine to send in to my blog

sending me in smutty headcanons. i LOVE when people send me in smutty headcanons about how a character would act in certain scenarios. so PLEASE feel free to send those

questions about kink, kink culture, or even general sex ed questions. if it’s educational in nature, i would be more than happy to help, but a reminder that i am just a random stranger on the internet. you should probably just ask me what sex pollen is, and not how to fix your sex life lmao

telling me what you would do to a character is fine. like “omg i wanna peg Bolin so bad can you imagine the noises he would make?” is perfectly fine, to me. we’re all thirsting after these characters, and it’s a major subject of the blog, so i don’t mind these asks, especially since sometimes they lead to me writing out some headcanons or fleshing out a certain part of a character

what personal comments aren’t ok?

i covered this mostly in previous sections, but -

discussions of your personal sex life, as in, sex acts you have committed or partaken in, joking or serious. while i am ok with jokes that are vaguely sexual or hold sexual connotations, please don’t reveal details or your personal sex or self-love life to me, even in joke form

anything pertaining to me and my sex life. there’s no need for you to know, and if i wanted to tell you, i would

starting an argument with a smut writer over what they will or will not write. everyone has different limits and boundaries, and some of these choices are shaped by very personal experiences that someone might not want to share, or things they cannot control - such as dysphoria, trauma, or mental illness. if someone’s limits or lack thereof are offensive to you, it is best that you simply block and move on instead of trying to incite an argument.

this isn’t kink related, but most unrelated comments regarding your day/what you did. while it’s nice that you went out and got an iced coffee, i’m a lok writing blog. unless you relate it back to a headcanon you’re sharing with me, or a request you want me to complete, please don’t just tell me about your day (unless we are friends and talking on discord, lol)

#author speaks #this is long but i feel like i need to write it lmao

16 notes · View notes

knowltonsrangers · 4 years

Text

Alphabet: Baker

[a/n: OOF this is a long one! A quick fyi, I’ve got a couple requests I’m working on right now :) but life has been so hectic lately and I’m so sorry I haven’t been around! If y’all want, my inbox is open for this fluff alphabet! Just send me a couple letters & a person 💓]

Ensign (Thomas) Baker x reader

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Thomas is.. shy, for lack of a better term. In the beginning of your relationship, it’d be soft touches, hand holding and an arm around your shoulders. Although, he shows affection in many ways, not only by touch. The smiles he sends your way are enough to melt you right there.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Oh oh oh! he would be like the definition of a genuine, best friend. You know he has your back and will stand by you regardless of the outcome. Thomas is a ride or die, for sure! And on how the friendship would start.. I’d have to say how it was I met my best friend. Imagine just working your job with him, just working shift after shift with him, and getting to laugh out loud with him for hours. The friendship would for sure begin on terms of similarities and small talk.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Omg yes! Thomas’ characterization just radiates purity and softness. He would absolutely love to cuddle, and often is the big spoon, but is never opposed to being the little spoon. And on some bad days, you know that he just wants to be held. Cuddling ranges from burrowing into the others sides on the couch, to hugging from behind in bed.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

YES. We can see in TURN that Thomas yearns for love, and that if he’s found it, he’s yours forever. He’d definitely want to settle down, if you were up for it.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

I don’t really ever see Thomas being the one to break things off unless it was a situation where he either felt he had to remove himself, or he thought something was by his doing. But, if he had to, he’d do it in person and it wouldn’t be like dropping a big bomb. You’d know, and he would never lead you on in a different direction.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Commitment is 100%! But slow on the marriage part. Of course he wants to marry you, and spend the rest of your lives together! He just isn’t the one to propose after one or two years. Give him some time. However, y’all talk about marriage a lot. It’s not something he’s afraid of, it’s something he just wants to cherish and not rush.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

For his like, extremely intimidating height, he is like the gentlest person. Ever. He’s got calloused hands, sure, but he’s always hesitant that what he’s about to do will upset you in some way. Like he says to Mary, “there is love here, because I know what it’s absence feels like” (I’m paraphrasing pls forgive me) he is so gentle with his actions because he wants to show the love he has for you and that is it, bottom line.

Emotionally.. he’s also the gentlest. He is a shoulder to cry on, a never moving pillar of support. And while you do not have to pry his feelings out of him with a crowbar, you do have to do some coaxing. He never wants to feel like a burden. Pls tell him he’s the best and that he’s never a burden.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

GUESS WHAT. You lucked out in the hug department! #1 form of affection FR! He does the thing where he’ll hug you from behind & drops his chin on the top of your head. He loves to give hugs, but when you give him hugs... he melts. Wrap your arms around his waist and squeeze him. Tell him how pretty he is. Hugs from Thomas feel like a million bucks, with a tray of never ending affection.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Takes him a bit. If y’all met in April, started dating in September, he might just save it for Valentines Day because he’s cheesy. But, sometimes more intimate and emotional moments catch him off guard and he finds himself mumbling it to you. When you’re not around, he says it so casually you’d think he��s told you already. “(y/n)? They’re the best, I love them.”

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

About 25%. He never saw himself as ‘good enough’ (his terrible childhood gave him that horrible impression) so in moments of insecurity he has tiny doubts. But it never lasts for long, because jealousy can’t ever stick in his mind for long. Once you’ve both committed to the relationship? All doubts fly out the window. His bouts of jealousy never last long because he trusts you.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

OH. MY. GOODNESS-

His kisses are like,,, spectacular?? Fantastic??? Amazing!??!? Hardly a word to describe ‘em. He’ll kiss you just about everywhere in private, but in public it’s mild. Leans down and presses his nose to your temple, and then plants the softest kiss on your cheek.

Thomas.. loves to be kisses on the nose.

HEAR ME OUT FOR JUST ONE SEC..

Can you imagine just starting to boop his nose, just to be funny. Mainly cause when he looks down at you it’s funny to reach up and boop his nose.

And then, when y’all are on the couch, just sitting and chillin, you reach up and kiss the tip of his nose.

He gets weak in the knees every time.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He’s the absolute best! Thomas gets down on his knees and will chat along with little children. Have a baby niece or nephew? He’s still as a statue holding them, but they always fall asleep in his arms every time. He is the best around children, because he’s used to being surrounded by them. Being raised in an orphanage taught him to have the patience of a saint. Children just gravitate towards him, because he radiates kindness.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Thomas is early to bed and early to rise. He prides himself on a good nights sleep to have a good day. When he sleeps in past his alarms, something is bothering him.

But on the topic of how mornings are spent.. they are full of drowsy kisses and breakfast being made and eaten together. The kitchen is the heart of the household, and that’s why mornings are so meaningful.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

While never opposed to a nice dinner or outdoors date, many nights are spent together binging tv shows and movies. (Especially during quarantine!) I’ve mentioned this before, but I HC Thomas to be a huge horror/slasher movie fan. If that isn’t your thing, don’t worry! Thomas loves all genres. Sappy rom coms, comedy, action, adventure-your pick is perfectly fine with him! He just enjoys your company, and if date night is a movie and take-out, he’s over the moon about it!

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

It doesn’t take too long, per se. Many things he is open about, not knowing his mother, being raised in an orphanage.. he’ll tell you these things when your relationship starts, not extremely fast. But fairly quick. Other things about his life, that’s a whole other ball park. Getting him to open up is a bit harder, but not impossible.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

It would take a really low blow to anger Thomas. I really don’t have much to say on this one. Because although he can get angry, he try’s hard to be passive in most arguments. He doesn’t want to ruin anything, so if it’s a silly argument, he’ll find a compromise. If it’s more serious, he usually announces he needs time to think, and he’ll slip away to do some.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Yes yes!! You will tell him your shoe size ONCE and he will remember it forever! Swear he has photographic memory. He’s so good at birthdays, anniversaries, holidays-all these little facts you share about yourself are all stored in a part of Thomas’ brain.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

When you told him you loved him back. Yes, he’s said it to you, but you saying it back? Or whomever says it first, maybe it’s you. Doesn’t matter, because either way hearing those three words come out of your mouth is enough to send his heart into his throat. The feeling of being loved is so overwhelming. He will always use that memory as a crutch in hard times, because you both felt so vulnerable to the world yet full of absolute hope.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Not overprotective at all. He’s not overbearing, but of course if someone was being degrading or negative towards you, he wouldn’t hesitate to defend you. If you can defend yourself, he’s behind you silently cheering you on.

Like mentioned before, Thomas is a rather intimidating man apon first glance. Although he has never picked any fights, he’s had to dodge a few. If you defended him, he’d feel his heart swell. “(y/n), it’s okay, really,”

But he’d never forget it, ever.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

About 200% and then some. He is a SWEETIE and wants to show how much he loves you!

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Doubting. Can ruin his own day with the clouds of doubt and rampaging thoughts that take over his mind. He’s gotten much better at it, but he needs some guidance every once in a while. Be his light at the end of the tunnel, guide him home!

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Basically at a 0% concern. He’s always considered himself average looking (and you disagree with him on that all day long!) he dresses like any man of the time, and looks absolutely handsome all the time. Call him pretty all you like, because it makes him blush. He’s not changing how he looks to impress you, because you’ve made it abundantly clear you love him just the way he is.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Oh, yes. If you were ever away from him, no matter the reason, he’d feel like a piece of his heart was missing. You’re his other half, he needs you.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

He loves everything about the wintertime, but his favorite has to be when you steal his jackets and hoodies. He finds it so endearing and downright cute.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Lying and dishonesty.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

He’s an early riser, but he’s a bit guilty of reading before bed and when he wakes up.

Although, when you both share a bed, he’s curling himself around you. He can’t sleep any other way.

#sul writes #ensign baker #turn amc #turn washington's spies #ensign baker headcanons #alphabet prompt

51 notes · View notes

rmnamjoons · 5 years

Text

Sunshine: Chapter 1 [KNJ]

summary: You’ve been in love with your best friend and roommate Namjoon for years, convinced friendship is all you’ll ever have with him. The two of you are set to go on vacation with your and Namjoon’s meddling friends, who all constantly insist on trying to set the two of you up.

pairing: Namjoon x female reader

tags: eventual smut, fluff, slow burn, mutual pining, seemingly unrequited (but actually not at all unrequited) love, friends to lovers, roommates to lovers, the other members are the meddling friends

warnings for this chapter: accidental voyeurism, masturbation, dirty talk, mentions of past depression

word count for this chapter: 10.8k

[read on ao3] + my masterlist

a/n: This chapter mentions and describes Namjoon’s depression. I wrote it as having been worse in the past, and that he’s now on the road to recovery. If (short) descriptions or mentions of depression trigger you, please be careful reading if you choose to do so.

Also I characterized him as being a big eater, because he’s a big boy lol

You and Namjoon had been best friends since freshman year. You’d met each other at orientation; Namjoon was a philosophy and creative writing double major, while you were aiming for a degree in teaching English. The two of you took all of your English and core classes together, which was more than definitely what laid the foundation of the all-consuming crush you still had on him.

Neither of you were big party people. Your friend group, the six other boys, loved to have a good time, but you and Namjoon preferred to stay in, choosing to have movie nights together, cuddled up on one of your dorm room beds or, later on, on the couch in your shared apartment.

You had loved him from the day you met him. How could you not? He was tall, adorably handsome in a boy-next-door way, intelligent, funny, and, more than anything, so kind and sweet. You loved the way his deep dimples revealed themselves when he laughed and smiled wide, his eyes scrunching up in joy. You loved his deep voice that was especially gentle when talking just to you. You loved how he was nerdy and a little awkward and usually more mature and serious, but could be so silly, too. You loved all the little things only you knew about him: how ticklish he was, how he didn’t eat seafood because he loved sea animals that much, how he used to be self-conscious of his big thighs even though he’s perfectly in shape, how his depression had overwhelmed him during a large part of your sophomore and junior years, but he’d started seeing a therapist and was now well on the road to recovery.

You loved him more than anything, but he didn’t love you back. Not like you loved him, at least. You were best friends, and had been for almost six years now. You knew that he cared about you and loved you like a friend, he’d told you that enough times for you to be sure of that, but you wanted to be with him — romantically, sexually, forever — and he was oblivious, thank god. You didn’t know what you’d do if he ever found out about your stupid crush on him.

In your junior year, the two of you had moved into a two-bedroom apartment together. Your friends had teased you to no end, always insisting the two of you should just get it over with and start dating. You secretly loved when they talked like that, despite Namjoon blushing and covering his face. You loved the idea that others could see the two of you being together, and your friends most definitely did and always made sure to remind you.

Now, Namjoon was getting his masters in philosophy, and you were getting a masters in English. You both wanted to end up professors, and you sometimes fantasized about the two of you teaching in classrooms next to each other and meeting between classes, holding hands and stealing kisses. You loved to daydream about his plush lips on yours, murmuring sweet little domestic phrases, just asking about dinner or how your classes were going. It made your heart hurt, thinking about him like that. You knew he’d be such a good boyfriend.

Namjoon had had a girlfriend during senior year, two years ago, which had killed you. The girl seemed so sweet, but then after three months of you being in agony, Namjoon came home one night, heartbroken, flopping down on the couch and saying that he’d just found out that the girl had been cheating on him after agreeing to be exclusive. He’d teared up, something you hadn’t seen him do in quite some time, and you’d hugged him, stroking his hair as he held onto you, shaking as he cried.

He’d asked you if he was stupid to hope that someone would love him and only him, if he was silly for wanting something serious and “forever.” You’d assured him no, he wasn’t stupid or silly, and that there were loyal people all around him and he would eventually find someone who’d love him forever. You’d wanted so badly in that moment to say, Me! That person who will love you forever and be loyal to only you is me! but you knew it would be infinitely selfish to say that in that moment, when he was hurting.

You’d never gotten the courage after that to tell him how you felt, and now here you were, over a year and a half later, still living together as just friends. Best friends, but nothing more.

You laid in bed on your lazy Saturday morning. Namjoon also had the day off, you recalled. You checked the time, seeing it was only nine thirty, and figured he had to still be asleep. The two of you had stayed up late the night before, unwinding after making it through your midterms week.

You stretched before standing up, deciding now was as good of a time as any to make some breakfast. You were feeling crafty, deciding as you brushed your teeth and got ready that you were going to attempt to make yourself and Namjoon some pancakes.

You were stirring in the chocolate chips when you heard Namjoon’s door open, and the noise made you freeze in place. You hadn’t thought he was going to wake up this early, and you quickly looked down at yourself, only wearing very short shorts, a tank top with no bra, and an open, thin silk robe that went down to your knees.

Dropping the spoon in the bowl, you jumped and tied your robe closed, hoping to at least spare him the fact you were very braless.

He walked around the corner and you glanced over, seeing him rubbing his eyes. He was wearing just boxers and a white t-shirt, his dark brown hair a little mussed up from sleeping well, his black glasses on his face slightly crooked.

“Mmm, waffles? Pancakes? What’re you making, sunshine?” His voice was deep, warm, and grumbly in the mornings, and it made your heart melt. You smiled at his nickname for you — he’d come up with it during junior year, saying he was the moon and you were his sun, and he called you variations of that occasionally, making you fall in love with him more and more every single time.

“Pancakes,” you confirmed, back to stirring again, careful not to turn toward him. You knew your silk robe wasn’t much of a barrier; you’d been around him braless plenty of times, but never in such thin clothes.

“Smells good,” he murmured, and you felt Namjoon’s warmth behind you now, his hand on your shoulder as he peered over you at what you were making.

“I haven’t even started cooking it yet,” you laughed.

“Can I try the batter?” he asked, and you glanced back at him, eyebrow raised. He put out his bottom lip in a pout, batting his eyes at you.

“It’s not going to taste very good, but sure,” you said, holding up the spoon for him to take. Instead of taking it from you, though, he just leaned in and licked the spoon, closing his eyes as his tongue widened to lick the entire width of it, a teasing smile on his lips like he thought he was being funny.

“You’re gross,” you laughed, fighting not to bite your lip as you watched him lick his perfect plush lips where a little batter had accidentally spread.

“Tastes fine to me,” he said, giving you a look like he was proud of himself. “And it’s not gross. We eat raw cookie dough all the time.”

“That is different and you know it,” you defended, rinsing the spoon off in the sink before grabbing a small ladle for moving the batter to the frying pan currently heating up.

“Now I’m just thinking about cookies. Can you make cookies later today, sunshine? Pretty please?” Namjoon leaned against the opposite counter behind you, watching as you scooped the first batch into the pan, a soft sizzling sound filling the air.

You weren’t surprised by his request. Namjoon’s sweet tooth was insatiable — you’d once even caught him eating a spoonful of straight sugar. He was half the reason you’d loaded the pancakes with chocolate chips.

“Depends,” you said slowly, hiding your smile, still not turning around to face him as you worked. “What’s in it for me? Seems a lot like me just cooking for you all day.”

“We can get delivery for lunch and I’ll pay for it, and I’ll do all the dishes today,” he offered, and you felt like that was more than a fair trade. Besides, you would always cook for him, even without anything in return. You loved doing things like this for him; it gave you little moments where you could pretend his excited gratitude was more than just friendly.

“Deal.”

“Ah, you’re the best!” You felt him come up behind you, wrapping his arms around your stomach and squeezing. You had been in the middle of starting to flip the first pancake, which you somehow managed to not drop as you jumped slightly from his surprise hug. You felt his large, firm body pressed into your back, his big arms squeezing you, his nose pressed in against the skin behind your ear. You were so surprised, unable to even register it was happening until it was over.

He let go of you just as quickly as he’d grabbed you, stepping back. You glanced over your shoulder at him and saw him beaming, his warm smile spreading to you as well.

The two of you ate your breakfast together at your little kitchen table. Namjoon was cheerful and chatty, telling you how good your pancakes were, just as he always did when you cooked something for him. He was a big eater, and you did really enjoy cooking, so you were more than happy to cook for him whenever he wanted. Despite his best efforts, he was dreadful in the kitchen, managing to burn or break everything he touched even under careful supervision. You had originally wanted to teach him how to be self-sufficient, worried you’d moved in with a man who didn’t know anything about taking care of himself. You very quickly learned that he was perfectly self-sufficient and tidy, cleaning around the house regularly without having to be asked. It was just cooking. He couldn’t do it to save his life. You often traded chores — Namjoon offering to clean more in exchange for more of your cooking. You couldn’t complain about that. You enjoyed cooking, you enjoyed getting to eat more meals with Namjoon, he was extra sweet when you cooked his favorites, and you didn’t have to clean as much.

Namjoon ended up eating about triple the pancakes you did. Afterwards, he was leaning back in his chair, a drowsy look on his face as he rubbed his stomach with one hand.

“You look like a cartoon character who ate way too much,” you teased, watching him fighting to keep his eyes open.

“I feel like a cartoon character who ate way too much,” he grumbled. He stood, taking his plate to the kitchen, and then stumbled into the living room and collapsed facedown on the couch, letting out a long groan.

“Still want cookies? I could whip some up right now,” you said, just to hear him let out another groan.

You put your plate in the sink too. You went out to the living room and lifted Namjoon’s feet, sitting down and letting his legs fall across your lap, resting your hands on the backs of his calves.

You looked up at him, letting yourself for just a second check out his cute little ass in his boxers. You hadn’t seen so far up the back of his thighs before now, and you had to say you loved the view. His legs were so muscular, his thighs so thick — how could a man just walk around, existing looking like this?

“Y/N, don’t let me eat that much ever again,” he grumbled, pulling you from your thoughts.

“You always say that, and then the next time rolls around and you say, ‘No, it’s fine, sunshine, I know how much I can eat,’ and then this just happens again,” you said, teasing him, bringing your voice down as deep as you could for your impression of his voice.

“Ugh,” he groaned, twisting to lay on his back instead, throwing his arm across his eyes. “Your cooking’s too good, and you know I don’t have self control with your food. That’s what you’re here for.”

“To be your self control?” you said, and you looked over at his body — his t-shirt had ridden up slightly, showing off a thin line of his stomach between his shirt and boxers. One of his large hands rested on his stomach, and your mouth was all but watering just looking at the thick vein on top of it, his long fingers, how big he was…

“Exactly,” he said, and your eyes snapped back up to his face as he moved his arm away, looking at you now. Despite his grumbling, he looked happy, contented. This was one of your favorite of his habits — he talked and talked and talked, very occasionally sounding like he was complaining, but more just saying every thought that entered his head. You heard him mumbling to himself a lot around the house, and you loved it. In your eyes, he was too cute for words.

“I’m wanna nap,” Namjoon said.

“Didn’t you just wake up?” you asked, laughing at him.

“Yeah, but now I’m so full and lethargic, I just wanna sleep. We woke up too early.” He was pouting again, like a child, his eyes starting to droop closed, but he smiled when he saw you raise an eyebrow at him.

“Suit yourself,” you said, lifting his legs again to let yourself get up.

You walked into the kitchen again and turned on the sink, getting started on all the dishes you’d dirtied making your big breakfast.

“No,” Namjoon grumbled, and you heard him roll off the couch and onto the floor, moving clumsily toward you. “Don’t do the dishes, that’s my job.”

“I thought you were going to sleep,” you said, not looking back at him as you picked up the sponge and put a dollop of dish soap on it.

“I can do the dishes after I sleep. Don’t do them, Y/N.” He tried to take the sponge from your hand, but you moved it away from him.

“Why? Are you afraid I won’t make you cookies if I do the dishes?” You laughed as he tried to grab the sponge again. Turning away from him, you held the sponge at arms length away from him as he tried to reach around you and take it.

“Don’t threaten my cookies,” he said, and he eventually gave up on your game, choosing instead to grab you around your waist and pull you to him, now easily able to reach the sponge.

“Hey!” you exclaimed as he took it from you, now holding it above his head as you tried to reach up for it to take it back. You jumped, trying to grab the sponge, not realizing that your robe had fallen open.

You saw the soapy water rolling down his arm and the way he bit his lip. You knew he was ticklish and wouldn’t last with his arm up like that, sudsy water running down the sensitive skin of his arm.

Instead of jumping, you tried playing dirty. You went for his armpit, since his arm was up, after all, and tickled him. He gasped, unfortunately both bringing his arm down and squeezing the sponge in his fist in his reaction to being tickled, covering your front in soapy water in the process.

“Shit, I’m so sorry,” he laughed, and you were laughing too, the situation too funny to you. He put his hands up as if he wanted to help, his eyes on where the water had dripped, but he stopped as if catching himself, pulling his hands back quickly. You looked down to where he’d been looking.

Your robe had fallen open when you’d jumped, and the soapy water was glistening on your chest and through your thin tank top. It wasn’t exactly warm in your apartment right now, and the cold water was not helping, so you knew he could very clearly see your nipples through the shirt. You quickly closed the robe in front of you, feeling your whole body blushing.

Namjoon rubbed the back of his neck, looking down at the ground, murmuring another, “Sorry,” quietly, apologizing for looking.

“It’s fine,” you said, unable to look up at him, too. You turned around as you quickly tied the robe closed, much tighter than before, making sure to double-knot it.

Namjoon didn’t say anything else, but you heard him move and turn on the sink. When you looked back at him, you saw him starting to wash the pan you’d used to make the pancakes. His cheeks and ears were a deep shade of red, and he glanced your way when you turned around, but didn’t make eye contact.

While Namjoon washed the dishes, you went into your bedroom and put on a sports bra and then a t-shirt. You figured you’d traumatized your poor roommate enough for one day.

After that, the awkwardness of that moment quickly melted away as the two of you went through the rest of your Saturday together. Since midterms were over, you were drawing ever-closer to the spring break trip your friend group had convinced the two of you to go on. You and Namjoon agreed to go shopping tomorrow for any last minute things you’d need, like snacks and sunscreen.

The eight of you had rented a four bedroom beach house in a cheesy overly-touristy town, and were set to start out on the seven hour drive very, very early next Saturday morning. You had suggested that you all skip classes the day before, since most classes were cancelled anyway, but Jin, halfway through med school, said there was no way he would skip even a single class, so you all stayed set leaving on Saturday.

You and Namjoon were going in one car, while Jin, Yoongi, and Hoseok were in one, and the youngest three, Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook were in another. You had briefly discussed renting a van to drive down all together, but thought it would be wise to have multiple vehicles down there, to allow you all to be able to split off and do different things if you wanted. You were also thankful for being able to spend a lot of time with just Namjoon. You weren’t sure if you were capable of surviving a seven hour car ride with any of the younger boys, especially all of them together.

Namjoon seemed very excited about the trip. You wondered if he’d forgotten about the fact that the two of you had agreed to share a room. The argument presented by the other boys was that a five bedroom beach house was so much more expensive, and the two of you already lived together anyway, so who cares about sharing a room for a week. When Taehyung had booked the beach house, he’d assured you that you all had rooms with two double beds. So it would be fine.

That afternoon, as you started mixing together Namjoon’s favorite cookies, you briefly let your mind wander to what Namjoon would look like in just his swim trunks. You’d seen him shirtless before, but that was years ago, before he’d really started working out. He wasn’t a bodybuilder type by any means and was still the lanky boy you’d fallen in love with, but you saw the way his shirts were fitting him nowadays, how his arms and chest filled them out so well and his shoulders had become so broad. And you knew what he looked like in his thin, tight white shirts, how his chest had become so defined and almost beefy. You nearly started drooling, just thinking about his toned chest, his wide shoulders, what he’d look like if his swim trunks were low on his hips, showing off his lower stomach, his body dripping wet and glistening in the sun…

You sighed. You couldn’t do this. You needed to not think about him, because thinking about him like that just led to you wanting him when you knew you could never have him.

About five minutes after you put the cookies in the oven, Namjoon came out of his room, holding a book with his finger between the pages marking his place, his glasses falling down his button nose.

“Do I smell cookies?” he said, his smile playful and knowing.

“Yes, and I left you the bowl and spoon, if you want,” you said, motioning toward it on the counter.

“Oh, I love you,” he said, stepping forward quickly and putting his book down, picking up the bowl and spoon and getting started, running his fingers along the bowl and bringing cookie dough up to his mouth.

You smiled as you watched him. How had you gotten so lucky? Even just being his friend and roommate, you felt blessed to be able to be near him and see him in his cute moments like this. As he ate the cookie dough, he smiled up at you, closing his eyes and scrunching his nose.

“With all the sweets we’re eating today, we should make tomorrow a gym day,” you joked, leaning back against the counter.

“We could go on a hike, since it’s warmer now,” he offered. “I heard the trail at Rock Creek opened for the season.”

“Maybe we should take it easy on the hiking so close before vacation,” you said, smiling. “We could do something more chill, like the flat nature trail by the wharf, or swimming.”

“Hey, you’re the one that wanted to work out,” he said. “I’m happy gaining weight from chocolate chip cookies and pancakes.”

“Surely there’s a happy medium,” you laughed, reaching over and running a finger along the bottom of the bowl, collecting some cookie dough before bringing your finger to your mouth.

“Nope,” he said, his mouth full. “It’s cookies or hiking. No in between.”

You reached forward and pinched at his side, making him writhe and twist away.

“I thought you learned your lesson earlier about tickling me,” he laughed, stepping back out of your reach.

“I was just wiping my finger on your shirt,” you said, holding up the finger you’d used to pinch him, which you’d also just licked cookie dough off of.

“Blegh,” Namjoon whined, though you could still see his smile. He set the bowl down and licked his palm and started to reach out for you, and you took a step back, your eyes wide, still grinning.

“Don’t even think about it,” you said, putting up your hands in defense, but he moved forward, chasing you around the kitchen and out into the living room.

You ran out toward the couch, laughing as you tried to get away from him. When he caught you, he pulled you back against him, falling on the couch and pulling you down with him so that you laid across his lap.

“Caught you,” he said, breathing hard from his exertion. He smirked as he rubbed his hand he’d licked around your shirt over your stomach, which immediately shifted into him tickling your stomach as you gasped and giggled, writhing in his arms.

“No!” you laughed, closing your eyes and trying to twist away.

“This is payback!” He tickled your stomach ruthlessly, holding onto you when you instinctively tried to twist away from him, though your heart was soaring right now.

“I made you cookies!” you cried, and that made Namjoon stop and seem to consider for a moment.

You took the brief pause as a moment to catch your breath. You were gasping, still laying across his lap, and looking up at him you were certain he’d never looked more beautiful to you.

“You’re right,” Namjoon said, nodding. “How can you ever forgive me?”

“You have to do the dishes forever,” you said, crossing your arms. You knew you must look ridiculous, laying in his lap like this and attempting to be serious, but you tried to ignore that.

“I already do all the dishes. Try again.”

“Hmm… You’ll have to buy me something nice while we’re at the beach.”

“Fine,” he said, and he pulled you up, turning you and setting you upright on the couch. “Set your price.”

“Five hundred dollars,” you said, smiling, and Namjoon snorted.

“Set a better price.”

“Okay, okay. How about like twenty dollars?” You batted your eyelashes at him and pouted, and he looked down, almost looking bashful with his small smile.

“I’m willing to go a little higher than that, but okay. I’ll let you pick out whatever you want, to repent for my sins.”

“We’ll have to do that when we’re off on our own, otherwise the boys will see and think you’re my sugar daddy, and they will never let us live that one down,” you said, moving to sit crosslegged. The two of you were still sitting close to each other, your knee against his leg.

“Oh, god, you’re right,” he said, making a face. “They still haven’t let us forget about that Halloween where I was a vampire and you were a vampire victim. What were we thinking?”

“I thought it was a fun idea! Halloween is gory and fun!” you defended, and Namjoon laughed.

“Your outfit did not help,” he said, and you smiled, remembering the white low-cut dress you’d worn and how you’d covered your neck in fake blood that had been way runnier than you’d expected and accidentally dripped down your chest. You’d thought it was fun and that you looked like the classic Dracula victim from old horror movies, while Namjoon had dressed as a stereotypical vampire, with the cape, fake teeth, his dark hair slicked back, fake blood coming out of the corners of his mouth. But your friends, especially the younger boys, had taken your costumes as written confessions of the two of you secretly fucking. Maybe you had secretly wanted people to think you were together, but that didn’t mean you wanted the boys to tease you and Namjoon to no end.

“What are you trying to say about my outfit?” you said, crossing you arms in fake offense. You remembered Taehyung had said you’d looked like a porn star, to which Namjoon had smacked the back of his head and made him apologize. You knew your outfit had made an impression, to say the least.

“You looked like the damsel on the cover of an old horror romance novel,” he tried to defend, though you weren't sure where he was going with that. “The kids were already excited about us dressing like a couple, and on top of that you wore something you normally wouldn’t, which got them all excited. I think a few of them have crushes on you.”

“I think a few of them have crushes on you, too,” you combatted. You were very convinced that Jin and Jungkook were both in love with Namjoon, though that may just be you projecting your own feelings onto them.

“Oh, come on. Nobody has a crush on me,” Namjoon said, rolling his eyes.

You threw a pillow at him. “No being mean to yourself allowed in this house,” you said, making him laugh.

“I’m not being mean, it’s just the truth,” he said, but you could see a sadness in his eyes.

Namjoon cleared his throat, sitting up straighter, now hugging the pillow you’d thrown at him.

“What do you want for dinner?” he asked. You let him change the topic, since he was clearly uncomfortable with the one you had been on.

“You mean you want something besides chocolate chip cookies?” you said, fake-gasping.

“As good as they are, I really want something savory. How about Chinese? I’ll get it this time.” Namjoon seemed much more relaxed now already, which you were grateful for. You knew he could be kind of sensitive sometimes, turning in on himself and withdrawing when he felt bad.

“Takeout again? And you already paid for my lunch. My my, are you made of money?” you teased.

“You’re right. The seven dollars I’d spend on your dinner would absolutely break me,” Namjoon laughed, and you watched as he stood up, walking over to the kitchen where the two of you kept takeout menus. “Besides, we can’t go grocery shopping so close before a trip. It would all go to waste.”

“We’re not leaving for another week!” you called back, laughing at his attempt at logic.

“Too late, I already picked up the menu,” he said, walking back over with the menu to your and his favorite Chinese place. “Do you want your usual?”

“Yes, please, and thank you, Joonie,” you said, closing your eyes and giving him a big smile.

“Yeah, yeah,” he said, and he ruffled your hair as if you were a child before dialing up the restaurant on his phone.

You loved him so much, sometimes you couldn’t stand it. The two of you hadn’t spent a whole day together like this in so long, and you’d seen even less of each other than normal during midterms. You’d missed him, missed having time together like this.

As Namjoon made the call for your dinner to be delivered, you pulled your knees up to your chest, wrapping your arms around your legs as you watched him pacing. You were so comfortable together. Dating him, being with him, would be so easy. So few changes would happen — just adding sex and more affection to your already wonderful relationship. You wanted him so badly, your heart yearned for it, for him.

You wondered what kind of world you’d have to live in or what version of yourself you’d have to be for Namjoon to want you. A man like him would never want you. You were smart, but he was a genius. You were okay looking, but he was gorgeous. You tried to be a nice person, but he was so genuinely kind-hearted and good. He was just better than you. You knew he deserved the best of the best in all aspects of his life, and you wanted to give that to him, but you couldn’t help feeling like he deserved better than you. It didn’t matter anyway, because he’d never like you.

After Namjoon ordered your food, you got the cookies out of the oven and started a movie. You couldn’t believe he’d never seen The Little Mermaid, and you’d teased him, saying he’d love it because it had a crab character. You weren’t very far in when your meals arrived, and Namjoon paused the movie, saying he didn’t want to miss anything.

Namjoon ended up loving the movie, just like you knew he would. He always got so invested in movies, it was adorable.

The two of you sat on the couch, his arm thrown over the back of it, resting just above your shoulders. Your legs were bent, your knees resting on Namjoon’s legs. You weren’t quite cuddling, but to you, this was everything.

At the end of the movie, Namjoon put his hand on your knee.

“That was fun. I can’t believe I hadn’t seen it,” he said, and you could only think about his big hand on your bare skin.

“I knew you’d like it. You love silly things,” you said, smirking.

“Yeah, that’s why I love you, sunshine,” he teased right back, and your heart skipped a beat.

“Wow,” you said flatly, pretending to be offended, but you couldn’t stop repeating what he’d said over and over in your head. You knew he’d been joking, but god, it felt good to hear him say those words.

“Want to watch another one?” Namjoon asked, picking up his phone. “It’s only nine. We could make it a mini-Disney marathon.”

“Sure,” you said, nodding. Your brain wasn’t working too good right now, so maybe picking another movie instead of talking to him would be a good idea.

“Is there one you haven’t seen?” he said, now scrolling through the on-demand list of Disney movies.

“I think I’ve seen most of them, but I haven’t seen any of the older ones in a really long time,” you said, attempting to focus. That’s why I love you, sunshine. Oh, god.

“I don’t think I’ve seen Cinderella,” he said, stopping on that one. “I mean, I’m sure I did when I was little. I don’t really remember it though, outside of pop culture, obviously.”

“That sounds good,” you said quickly, nodding eagerly. I love you, sunshine. You kept repeating what he’d said, hearing his deep rumbly voice in your head again and again. Why were you acting like this? You’d heard him say that before, though never with his petname for you at the same time. Why did it feel so much better now, cuddled up with him like this?

“I’m gonna grab some cookies real quick,” he said, hopping up.

“Okay,” you said, your voice dazed.

While he was in the kitchen, you picked up your phone from the coffee table, checking it for the first time in hours.

The group chat you had with your friends had blown up while you and Namjoon had been off on your own. You tried scrolling back to the beginning, but gave up halfway through and started just reading whatever and hoping you’d figure it out from the context.

7:44 - Taetae: i bet they’re fucking asdlkfjdslkj

7:46 - Taetae: i just tried texting both of them individually and neither answered. they Fuckin

7:46 - JK: joon’s finally giving it to her 😩🍆💦

7:46 - Yoongi: please remove me from this group chat

7:47 - Chimchim: guys what if they’re dead

7:47 - Taetae: joon’s giving his sunny THAT D

7:48 - Yoongi: i am begging you all to stop

7:49 - Chimchim: guys i’m really worried, what if something happened

7:50 - JK: oh we already know what’s happening

7:50 - Hobi: leave them alone guys, mom and dad deserve a break too

You started scrolling down through the chat faster, just skimming. You could see that when you’d finished your movie and Namjoon had checked his phone, he’d finally texted them and put Jimin out of his misery.

8:54 - Joonie: jimin, we’re fine. and no we’re not fucking

8:54 - Taetae: IT LIVES

8:54 - JK: finally stopping for a break, tiger? i’m sure y/n needs one, you’ve been gone a while 😉

8:55 - Joonie: shut up

8:55 - Chimchim: aww he’s sensitive

8:56 - Joonie: says the guy who spent the last hour crying because his friends didn’t text him back fast enough?

8:56 - Taetae: OOF 🔥

8:56 - Hobi: goddamn joon

With that, you had caught up, though you’d skipped more than eighty percent of the chat. You had a feeling you hadn’t missed much.

8:59 - y/n: awww did little baby jimin get his feelings hurt?

8:59 - Chimchim: not you too mom!!!

8:59 - Taetae: 😭😭😭

You heard Namjoon snort in the kitchen as he read your text. He came back out then, carrying a plate he’d piled up with cookies that he laid on his legs as he sat down right beside you.

Namjoon took the remote and started the movie, and leaned back, taking a picture with his phone of the plate of cookies, the Disney logo on the screen, and both his and your legs propped up on the coffee table, and then sent that to the chat.

8:59 - Joonie: this is what we were doing, by the way

9:00 - JK: MOM AND DAD ARE HAVING DATE NIGHT

9:00 - Hobi: if you meant for that to make them stop making fun of you guys, you do not know them at all

9:01 - Taetae: you guys are too cute i’m actually throwing up

9:02 - Yoongi: aww, congrats to the happy couple

9:02 - y/n: wow

“Did you mean for that to help our case?” you laughed, scrolling back up to the picture he’d sent.

“I thought it would,” he said, shrugging. “We’re not doing anything bad, like they were saying.”

“We’re gonna hear about this one a lot next week,” you said, laughing as you tossed your phone aside.

The movie wasn’t very long, but about halfway through, you caught yourself dozing off. You snuggled in beside Namjoon, leaning on his arm.

God, he was so comfortable, and so so warm. You’d almost forgotten that he was like a furnace, the heat radiating off of him and making you even drowsier. Snuggling with him on the couch felt so natural; even in your mostly asleep state, you felt so happy and contented, knowing you were doing something rare and special, cuddling with him like this as you drifted off to sleep.

A while later, you were vaguely aware the movie was ending in the background. You suddenly became much more aware, however, when your sleepy brain realized you were hugging Namjoon’s arm like a teddy bear, possibly drooling on his sleeve.

You shifted away from him, rubbing your eyes with your hands.

“Well, hello, Sleeping Beauty,” Namjoon said, looking over at you as he turned off the television.

“Wrong movie,” you mumbled, not able to fully open your eyes yet.

Namjoon set the mostly empty plate of cookies on the coffee table and stood, turning to you and offering both hands to help you up. You took them, and he pulled you to your feet just a little too fast, making you wobble.

Namjoon put his arm around your waist, steadying you.

“Easy there, Bambi,” he said, and you wanted to hit his arm.

“I’m gonna kill you,” you mumbled, hiding the small smile now on your face.

“Okay, okay,” he said, and he stepped around the couch, carrying the cookie plate to the kitchen. You watched him as he walked, admiring the movement of his hips, the way his muscles in his legs moved, the large expanse of his back and wide shoulders.

You decided that tonight was going to be special.

Grabbing your phone and telling Namjoon goodnight, you headed straight to your room. You were still sleepy, but you wanted to do something that would help you sleep even better.

You locked your door and went to you underwear drawer, pulling out your trusty vibrator. You hadn’t used it in weeks, but what the hell, why not treat yourself? Namjoon had been extra sexy today, so you deserved it.

You took off your shorts and laid down on your bed. Letting your eyes fall closed, you thought about Namjoon’s large hands, his long fingers, the thick vein on the top of his right hand that you always loved to stare at. You touched your breasts, squirming slightly as you imagined it was his big hands instead of your small ones, his body on top of yours as he touched you.

You trailed your hand down your stomach, letting your fingertips trail over your skin as you bit your lip in anticipation. Ducking your hand down below your panties, you rubbed two fingers around your clit, already wet just from being near Namjoon all day and thinking about him like this.

You thought about his plush lips and the way his jaw moved when he ate. Fuck, how could a man look that good eating? You always wished you could push his plate onto the floor, lay down on the table in front of him with your legs spread open, and tell him to keep eating.

Thinking about his tongue, you slid your panties off and turned your vibrator on.

Living with your parents, in a dorm with thin walls, and then here with Namjoon, you knew how to be quiet. You sometimes struggled when you used your toy, though, especially when you were worked up thinking about Namjoon and his long fingers and big soft lips, or trying to imagine what his cock looked like.

You let out a small whimper as you slid your vibrator inside your pussy. It wasn’t very big, but you slid it in and out while rubbing your clit, and you kept your eyes closed tight, thinking about vague parts of Namjoon’s body — his warm, expressive eyes, his wide shoulders, how damn big he was, his deep honey voice.

“Namjoon,” you hummed, just barely audible, and you raised your hips off the bed, fucking yourself on your vibrator as if you were moving underneath him.

You tried to imagine what his cock would look like, feel like. You knew he was big — you’d seen him in his light gray sweatpants enough times to know that much. Besides, he was by far the tallest in your friend group, and with those big hands and his big feet, he had to at least be proportional. You imagined his thick, velvety cock pounding into you, stretching you out, fucking you so hard and you let out a whimper, pushing your vibrator deeper, searching out your g-spot as you moved your fingers on your clit faster and harder.

You didn’t last long. Thinking about that morning, when he’d hugged you from behind and tickled you and everything else he’d done, you imagined him bending you over your kitchen table and that made you fall over the edge, gasping silently, the vibrator quickly becoming way too much stimuli for your sensitive body.

You took in deep, shaky breaths, still slowly moving your fingers around your clit, drawing out your pleasure.

You let yourself relax for a few moments before getting up to go to the bathroom and clean up. You slid your shorts back on, made sure nothing looked too out of place, and then unlocked your door and went back out into your and Namjoon’s shared space, on your way to the one bathroom you had in the apartment.

It would be just your luck that Namjoon had decided to take a shower.

You sighed, turning to go back to your room to wait for him to finish, but just as you started to turn away, you heard him.

Namjoon was moaning.

You raised your eyebrows about to your hairline, your lips parting as you realized exactly what he was doing in your shared shower. His moans were steady, almost as if with every exhale. He sounded like he was close.

You felt a new rush of wetness in your pussy, your mouth falling open as you listened to his absolutely obscene sounds. You were pretty sure you could go back into your bedroom and go for round two right now. But you didn’t. You hated yourself for it, but you were frozen in place, listening to his sounds through the thin bathroom door.

You took a small step closer, not quite pressing your ear to the door. You could almost hear the sound of his fist moving hard on his length, his pace brutal at this point as his moans echoed off the tile walls over the sound of the running water. Fuck, why did he moan so loud? He was killing you, he sounded so good. You squeezed your legs together where you stood, your breath catching in your throat.

“Mmm, baby, just like that…” Namjoon’s deep voice groaned.

Your heart skipped a beat.

Was he imagining someone? You weren't sure you could bear to listen to this; the jealousy would kill you if you knew for a fact he was actively fantasizing about other people. You liked to live in your fantasy world, frozen in time, where Namjoon wasn’t interested in anybody and nobody besides you was interested in him. You knew he’d never want you, but if you had nothing to spark your jealousy, you were happy enough.

He kept moaning, and you bit your lip.

“Fuck, Y/N, you’re so fucking good…”

Your heart might’ve just stopped. What the fuck?

“Mmm, oh… Good girl. Fuck, baby, I’m so close…” He kept moaning, his deep voice raising slightly in pitch, his breathing coming faster. “Y/N…” He stuttered out your name as he came, letting out a long groan, his breathing ragged. He sounded like he’d cum hard, and you could just imagine him: eyes squeezed closed, his mouth open as he breathed hard, his skin flushed from his exertion, the water from the shower dripping down his perfect naked body.

You heard him sigh, and you decided that was your cue to skitter back to your room and hide, locking your door behind you.

You weren't sure your brain was processing things properly right now. That had to have been a dream, or some extended fantasy from when you’d masturbated. Maybe you’d passed out with your vibrator still in your pussy, and this was your desperate mind reacting to that, like a vibrator-induced horny fever dream. That had to be what happened.

You sat on the edge of your bed. You were throbbing for him, your pussy practically dripping down your legs.

Fuck it.

You laid back on your bed. You didn’t bother with the vibrator this time, instead going straight for pushing three fingers into yourself, curling them as deep as you could as you brought your other hand down to rub your clit. You knew your poor clit was going to be sore tomorrow, and you didn’t care.

You played the sounds he’d made over and over in your head, the deep timber of his voice, the way he’d said your fucking name as he’d cum. You tried to imagine his cock as he stroked it. You wondered if he’d cum on your shower tiles or onto his hand, or maybe up onto his stomach. You wanted him to shoot his hot cum all over your face, or stuff you full of it as he pounded into you.

You imagined yourself in the shower with him, on your knees under the spray of the warm water. You wanted to lick his cum off of his stomach. You wanted to take his cock in your mouth and look up at him with big innocent eyes as you took all of him, your nose pressing into his pubic hair as the head of his cock pressed into the back of your throat. You’d draw from him the same noises he’d made touching himself, and he wouldn’t be able to help himself; he’d grab your head with both hands and fuck your mouth, and you’d take him, you’d do whatever he wanted, because you were his and always would be.

You murmured his name, over and over like a prayer as you fucked yourself on your fingers. Your whole body shook when you came — you gasped loudly, probably too loud, and moved your fingers steadily, drawing out every last bit of your orgasm you could, imagining Namjoon’s face in pleasure as your back arched up off the bed, your toes curling from your earth-shattering orgasm.

You laid on your bed, your chest rising and falling lazily as you let your mind wander over what you’d heard.

There was no way. You had to have misheard him, or imagined it, or, or… something. Or, if you hadn’t misheard, there was no way he meant it. Maybe it was real, but he was just having something like a sex dream. People couldn’t help what they thought of in those, right? You’d had a sex dream about Jungkook once, and you most definitely had not meant or wanted that. That’s probably what it was. It had to be.

You heard Namjoon walking around, closing the door to the bathroom and walking into his room. You’d seen him make that journey a few times, though you always made sure not to look. He always liked to get dressed in his room, so he just wore a towel wrapped low around his hips. The very few times you’d dared a short glance, you’d seen his back, glistening with water from his shower. You imagined him now like that, shirtless, dripping wet, only the thin little white towel blocking your view of his perfect body.

You were not going to sleep that night, you already knew it.

You got up and finally went to the bathroom to clean up, pee, and get ready for bed.

As you sat on the toilet, you stared at the shower, where Namjoon had just been, moaning your name as he came. Had he needed to take a moment to clean his cum off of those shower tiles? It hadn’t even been ten minutes since your best friend, the man you were in love with, had moaned your name right there.

You washed your hands, put on lotion, and brushed your teeth, glancing over at the shower every few moments. You still just couldn’t believe it. It felt too unreal.

“Hey, you,” Namjoon’s deep voice suddenly said, pushing open the bathroom door you’d cracked while brushing your teeth. His voice was deeper than usual, undoubtably in his post-orgasm haze, and you could not make yourself look at him.

“Hey!” you said, way too peppy, overcompensating for how awkward you felt as you stared down at the sink. You spat out your toothpaste and rinsed your mouth out while Namjoon moved behind you, reaching around you to pick up his own toothbrush.

“You smell good,” he said, probably trying to kill you, you figured.

“Oh, uh, I just put on lotion.” You pointed to your side of the counter at your scented lotion.

“Hmm,” he said, his toothbrush now in his mouth, and you finally let yourself look up at his face.

He was absolutely glowing, which you figured was normal, considering what he’d just done, but you swore you had never been more attracted to him than this exact moment. His skin looked so healthy, his expression relaxed and contented, his eyes meeting yours and giving you a warm smile. The t-shirt he’d thrown on showed off those wide shoulders you loved so much. His mouth was slightly open as he brushed his teeth, his plump lips taunting you. Maybe his pheromones were mixing in the air with yours or something, but Christ, he looked like sex on legs.

“Good night,” you said quickly, and you ducked out of the room and ran back to your bedroom, away from that awful, sexy, shameless man.

~:~:~

The next morning, you laid in your bed for at least an hour after waking up.

There was no way you’d be able to face him after last night. You still couldn’t believe him, what he’d done, and how right afterwards he’d pretended like everything was normal. You didn’t even let yourself think about him jacking off in the shower while moaning your name — you were now focused on how he’d been so casual afterwards.

The two of you were supposed to go shopping today. You wondered if you could pretend to be sick, though you figured you’d have to eventually face him. God, how were you supposed to share a room with him next week?

You got out of bed and quickly ran to the bathroom, hoping to not run into him on the way there. Maybe you’d be lucky, and Namjoon would have something going on today that he’d forgotten about.

You got ready and begrudgingly went out into your shared living space. You saw Namjoon, surprisingly already awake, and in the kitchen, even more surprisingly. He was standing in front of the stovetop, and… oh no.

“Woah,” you said, stepping closer cautiously. “Are you cooking?”

“Hey, morning, sunshine,” he said happily, looking up at you. He was making scrambled eggs, which actually didn’t look terrible. “I’m making us some breakfast before we head out. You wanted to go to the outlets, right?”

You vaguely remembered mentioning the outlet mall to him, but had forgotten about that completely in the last twenty-four hours. The outlets were about a half an hour away, which meant time alone in a car, with him.

“Oh, um, yeah,” you said weakly.

“I’m excited. I realized the other day that I don’t actually have any swim trunks that fit anymore, so I really need to get some. Plus I want some Hawaiian shirts. I really want to embrace this cheesy tourist vibe you told us this town has. Maybe I’ll buy a fanny pack.”

You snorted. You should’ve figured Namjoon’s silliness would immediately take away any awkwardness you felt.

“If you get one, I’ll get one too. We can match.”

“Perfect,” he said, beaming at you. He picked up one of the plates he’d set out and scooped half of the scrambled eggs onto it. He’d made what looked like enough for an army, and you most certainly did not need half of that much, but you thanked him anyway and took your plate over to the table.

You ate together happily, calmly, your conversation friendly and normal. As if you both hadn’t masturbated less than twelve hours ago while moaning each other’s names. You wondered briefly how Namjoon would’ve reacted if your roles were reversed, if he had been the one to hear you instead, but you quickly pushed that thought away.

After breakfast, you got dressed and ready for the day. You felt an urge to look extra pretty today, thinking you’d give Namjoon something to moan about if he was going to make a habit of masturbating while thinking of you. Why had he done that yesterday of all days? You’d just laid around all day in pajamas, eating junk food and joking around. If you had been at a party or something where you were wearing a short dress, then yeah, that might make a little more sense. Whatever! It didn’t have to make sense in your mind. You figured it was a fluke anyway, so what did it matter what his reasoning was?

You dolled yourself up with makeup, putting on way more than usual, as if you were going to a job interview or something important. Unlike a job interview, however, you wore a tight little pink crop top and tiny high-waisted shorts, and tied a black choker around your neck. You let your hair stay down, but pinned a few strands back, framing your face. You were going for a sex doll kind of look today, hoping Namjoon would appreciate it.

“Ready?” you called out as you left your room, closing your door behind you.

“Yeah,” Namjoon said, standing in the living room looking at his phone.

When he looked up at you, you swore he did an honest to god double take. You watched his eyes widen and move down your body before snapping back up to your face, as if he’d caught himself doing something he shouldn’t by looking at you.

You left for the outlets, stopping on your way to get Starbucks through the drive-thru. Namjoon paid, again, and you wondered if this Twilight Zone world you’d woken up in yesterday — with him paying for everything and tickling you and jacking off to you — was just going to be your new normal.

You drove, and Namjoon played his music. You both liked rap, though Namjoon was the one who introduced you to a lot of the songs you liked, while he liked exploring more deeply on his own. You talked some over the music, about your plans for the beach, your friends, dinner — just casual, friendly things.

You glanced his way more than a few times when you sat at stoplights. He was in light jeans that fit his big thighs so well, a thin t-shirt that showed off his toned chest, and he was wearing his glasses again today, which you loved. He’d put just a little product in his hair, smoothing it all back off of his forehead, and you wanted to run both of your hands through his perfect hair.

By the time you got to the outlet, it had started to rain, which both of you had not planned for at all. The outlet was an outdoor mall, and Namjoon offered to run into a store and buy an umbrella, but you figured the rain probably wouldn’t last too long anyway. You decided together that you could just run to the first store and wait there until the worst of it passed.

You ran, which you struggled to do in your sandals. Namjoon reached back and grabbed your hand, laughing and urging you to run faster. You were soaked by the time you got to the first store, gasping and laughing together as you dripped in the store’s entrance, the AC making you both shiver.

And there he was, you thought. Namjoon was standing there, looking like a marble statue, his hair wet, his warm skin glistening, his t-shirt soaked through, almost revealing the details and lines of his muscles. How could anyone look that good? You were sure you looked like a wet mop right now, and he looked like a god.

The store you’d ducked into had a bathing suit section, so you figured this was a good a place as any to start your shopping day. Namjoon picked out a few swim trunks, and you held up a few bikinis in front of yourself as you stood in front of the mirror.

“You should get that one,” Namjoon said as he walked up, motioning toward the little pink bikini one you were currently holding up in front of yourself.

“What makes you say that?” you dared to say, instantly regretting it. That was way too forward, too flirtatious, too awkward. It was one thing for a friend to say something like what he’d said to a friend, it was another for you to flirtatiously ask his reasoning behind it.

“‘Cause it’s cute, sunshine,” he said, wrinkling his nose. You watched him sigh, looking around the store like he was trying to act casual. “It’d look good on you.”

You bit your lip instead of responding. Why were you being like this? For fuck’s sake.

You held on to that bikini as you returned the others, and also picked up a red one-piece bathing suit that reminded you of a 1950’s pinup girl. You decided to let that one be a surprise for Namjoon when you all got to the beach.

You continued shopping for about an hour. You bought two sundresses and a romper, and Namjoon found some awful Hawaiian shirts that made his eyes light up in delight at the tackiness. You insisted he also buy one normal shirt to wear at some point on your trip, just in case you went somewhere nicer.

As you carried your bags back to the car, Namjoon swung his bags in his hands, humming to himself happily. You hadn’t seen him this peppy in a long time. You still remembered what it had been like, back during his darkest times. How even when he’d managed to smile, it never reached his eyes. You were thankful every day for the therapist he’d started going to, who he still saw every week, and for the medication he’d started. He was so much more himself now, his love and joy for life making him glow, filling the people around him, too. He deserved to be this happy.

“What do you want for lunch, sunshine?” he asked, smiling and looking at you over the car as you put your bags on the back seat.

“You pick. I’m so hungry, I’ll eat anything.” You got into the driver’s seat and turned on the car, quickly turning the AC on full blast to combat the post-rain humidity.

“There’s a steakhouse down the road,” he suggested as he buckled his seatbelt.

“I’m not sure it’ll be open at two on a Sunday, but let’s go find out,” you said, looking over at him and seeing him smiling contentedly to himself.

It was open, as it turned out, and Namjoon got a huge steak and two sides and ate every bit of it. You smiled as you watched him. He was so cute sometimes, your heart couldn’t take it. You watched the way he ate, how his cheeks puffed out with big bites of food that made him look like a little chipmunk. You felt lucky, just knowing him.

Namjoon insisted on paying for your meal, yet again, and you were not going to let him but he slipped his credit card to the waiter before you could even try to stop him.

“Joon, you can’t keep doing that,” you whined, wanting to kick him under the table.

“Why not? I can’t treat my friend?” He made a face at you, teasing as always, and you rolled your eyes.

“This is the third meal in a row you’ve treated me to. Four, if we count you making breakfast this morning, which was very unlike you.”

“What can I say? I’ve been in a very giving mood lately.” His defense was weak, and you both knew it.

“You keep doing this, I’m gonna tell the group chat that you’re my sugar daddy. I bet that’ll make you stop paying for everything real quick, just to get them to shut up.”

“You wouldn’t,” he said, scoffing.

“Oh yeah?” You picked up your phone. You read aloud slowly as you typed out a long message: “Guys, you will not believe this. Daddy Joonie took me shopping today and bought me a big steak lunch—”

Namjoon’s hand dove forward, trying to grab the phone out of your hand, but you turned away, keeping it out of his reach as you continued typing, not taking your eyes off your phone as you grinned wildly.

“I really am Daddy’s little princess. Do you guys want to see what else he bought me? Daddy told me that he was the only one who gets to see me in it, but I feel like being bad—”

“If you send that, you are sleeping outside on our trip,” Namjoon said, shaking his head, a shocked smile on his face.

“Sent,” you said, smirking and holding up your phone, showing him the large blue chat bubble.

“Fuck,” Namjoon said under his breath, scrambling to pull out his phone to see it with his own eyes. You giggled as he glanced up at you with wide, fearful eyes when he felt his phone vibrating from the notification.

Namjoon looked at his phone for a moment before rolling his eyes.

“You fucking brat,” he said, smiling and shaking his head. You’d sent it only to him, not the group chat, just to give him that little heart attack.

“That was a warning shot,” you said, trying to maintain your seriousness despite your giggles.

“Message received,” he said, slumping back against the booth. “I thought most people liked getting free food. I didn’t know you’d play so dirty.”

“That was nothing. Keep this shit up, and I’ll write you handwritten love letters describing our torrid affair like a porn novel, and leave them out on the kitchen table in the beach house.”

“Two can play this game,” Namjoon said, feeling bold now as he smirked and sat up again. “You remember my poetry, back in the day? I’ll write you graphic, sexual love poems and send them to the chat and say it was an accident, that I’d meant to send them just to you. I can get really descriptive, you know.”

“I’ll sit in your lap the first meal we eat together down there and make you feed me.”

“I’ll pull you down in my lap the first meal we eat together and feed you.”

“I’ll text Taehyung and ask him if he wants a three-way.”

Namjoon made a face at that, and you laughed.

“You don’t want a three-way with me and Tae?” you teased.

“I don’t like sharing,” he grumbled.

Namjoon had said that right as the waiter dropped the bill and his card off, giving you the cover you needed to mentally process that little tidbit he’d just shared with the class. ‘I don’t like sharing?’ What the fuck?

You were convinced at this point that Namjoon knew you’d masturbated to him last night and was just trying to kill you. Though that didn’t really explain all the things he’d said and done before that yesterday. Maybe he could suddenly read minds, and knew you were in love with him and just wanted to torture you with all these little things he kept saying and doing. That had to be it.

You were certain you weren’t going to survive your vacation.

#namjoon smut #namjoon #kim namjoon #bts smut #namjoon x reader #bts scenario #bts fanfic #rm smut #namjoon x you #my writing

240 notes · View notes

tanstar · 4 years

Text

Rambling about RE2R and RE3R’s cut content part 2

Read part 1 here.

Part 2: RE3R

So I’m gonna be honest, I really like RE3R. It’s narrative and characters are 10/10 for me, something I haven’t been able to say about RE in a long time (honestly my biggest gripes with re5 and 6 are the complete wasted potential of their narratives and characters). I’ll go more in depth about it later but yeah I’ve got no complaints about the story or characters. My problems with RE3R come down to it’s length, level design and the utilization of Nemesis. So let’s get started.

spoilers ahead

Cut/altered/new content:

Live select options were cut in favour of a cohesive narrative and characterization (which have been expanded upon greatly), Jill’s apartment is now explorable, Nemesis ambushes Jill at her apartment and her escape is now playable, the graveyard is gone (though there is a nod to the graveyard at the start of the rpd section), the clock tower interior and its puzzles are gone (it’s exterior is used for the boss fight against Nemesis form 2 like the original), no water puzzle, the gravedigger has been merged with hunter gamma as a common enemy type, Uptown is now a linear setpiece that cannot be revisited, there are fewer Nemesis encounters, Nemesis item drops aren’t as worthwhile as the original, there’s a new boss fight with Nemesis as he wields a flamethrower, tram has been changed to a subway train, fetchquest for the tram has been cut, Mikhail is now fully conscious for his entire appearance, new character Dr Bard included with new vaccine subplot, fetchquest for the gems has been made optional instead of mandatory, Mayor Warren’s statue is no longer fetchquest related and can be found before crossing the bridge to the clock tower, battery fetchquest for the construction site elevator has been changed to fuses for the underground storage facility elevator, Nemesis destroying the helicopter has been moved to the beginning of the game, Brad is still bitten at Bar Jack but heroically sacrifices himself rather than act like a huge coward, Brad is not killed by Nemesis, Brad infects Marvin (which ties in well with both og re2 and RE2R surprisingly), Racoon city in general has been redesigned to look like an american city instead of a japanese one, Stagla still explodes but cannot be entered, the zombie horde at Stagla has been moved to the hospital in a tower defence sequence, Drain Deimos and Brainsuckers have been merged, no leeches, no spiders or crows, new enemies the pale heads and parasite zombies, construction site and power station have been merged, once Jill has been infected Carlos takes her to the hospital instead of the chapel iside the clock tower, likewise Carlos doesn’t wait for 2 days before deciding to find a cure instead it takes him around 12 hours to find Jill and he immediately looks for the vaccine, hospital has been expanded, underground storage facility replaces the park, dead factory is merged with a new lab area, Tyrell is now an actual character and dies to Nemesis intead of an explosion, final boss is now reliant on Jill operating the rail gun herself rather than coercing Nemesis in front of it, iconic STARS line has been moved from the final boss fight to a chase sequence, the confrontation with Nicholai has been moved to the climax of the game, Nicholai is implied to be working with Wesker instead of Umbrella and of course the alternate ending with Barry was cut.

So RE3R does cut or alter the content of the original but in most cases it does try to replace whatever was cut. Also regardless of cuts, re3′s narrative has been expanded upon with character arcs and lore tying it to the rest of the series, that alone justifies this game’s existence for me. As much as I love the original, its bare bones plot and narrative structure (a result of being a sort of choose your adventure game) as well as the fact that it started as a spinoff game and the fact that its last three levels were added last minute (hence the vaccine plotline coming out of nowhere) really don’t do it any favours. I still enjoy the original story and characters but I think the remake did a better job at both these things.

So I had some major problems with the writing for RE2R in both terms of the overall narrative (there is no cohesive overlapping narrative between our two leads) and the portrayal of certain characters (Leon and Ada), so what did I think of RE3R? It’s good. It’s really good actually, the acting is probably the best in the series tbh. Jill’s ptsd from the mansion incident and how it has made her distrustful but also self sacrificing is so interesting. This is perfectly displayed when she agrees to help the UBCS, she knows she shouldn’t help them, that Umbrella is out to get her but with civilian lives on the line she decides to fulfil her duty as a STARS officer and help out. But she isn’t just abrasive or snarky, she shows she is still a very caring person too, this can be seen in her interactions with Brad, Kendo and even Dario, she wants to genuinely save all three of them but things just don’t work out that way. Carlos is great, way better than his original incarnation and I say that as someone who likes that version too. He’s a great support character for Jill and also acts somewhat as a foil for her character and his arc about learning of Umbrella’s wrongdoings is handled well. I think everyone can aggree that Carlos and Jill’s dynamic is fantastic, the growth of their relationship feels very organic and genuine. I never expected to care about Brad so much, in the original he’s just a huge coward who exists to be killed by Nemesis but now he actually feels like a person and someone who Jill valued. Also holy shit that scene where he bites Marvin is so much more narratively fulfilling than his death by Nemesis. Mikhail’s expanded role as captain is great, as is his death. Tyrell actually gets to be a character this time around and I actually hoped he’d somehow survive. Dr Bard is a total scumbag and his inclusion finally explains the vaccine’s creation as well as adding to the overall corruption of RC via Umbrella. Nicholai’s a total ham and a dickhead, I mean this in a good way I would describe all my favourite RE villians this way (the Weskers, the Ashfords, Salazar, Carla Radames, Jack Baker). And form 1 Nemesis has some fun dramatic flair that I enjoyed. Also I will defend the choice to remove Barry from the ending, I really like Barry but it was the right decision not to involve him as it would really work against the game’s narrative and Jill’s character arc.

Now onto RE3R’s level design and structure and in my opinion it should have borrowed more from the og re3′s level design way more. What we have isn’t bad but it could’ve been much more. The streets being redesigned was inevitable to me, I really enjoy the aesthetic of the original but it looks very Japanese and RC is supposed to be a US city, so this change doesn’t bother me. The linearity does. The streets should have been more open and you should have been able to return to Uptown to explore (adding back in a fetchquest would justify this), this would give way more opportunities for Nemesis to stalk the player. What’s strange is there is a mod that opens up Downtown to be almost completely explorable and Nemesis’s AI can actually track you throughout it’s entirety, why bother programming him that way if the intention was to make the area more linear? When Nemesis does show up in the remake he’s great but he should have been present way more, he’s like the opposite of Mr X in RE2R. Mr X follows the player semi randomly around the RPD for a while but he is pretty toothless as a threat (seriously, you can out walk him), Nemesis on the other hand is a genuine threat but is only semi random for an incredibly short portion of the game. Expanding the streets would fix this issue. The park could’ve been an explorable area before the RPD, I personally don’t mind the park being cut but i know a lot of people do. They should have implemented more puzzles. I also think the clock tower should have been explorable and if I’m being honest I think it was supposed to be, it’s referenced in the subway and then we get the pamphlet before crossing the bridge, I think it was cut for time. I think a lot was cut for time and I don’t think it’s M2′s fault, i think Capcom is the problem here and all you need to do is look at RE2R and all of its cut content for proof.

Honestly if this game had just reintegrated some more of the original games levels and structure I think it would have been a 10/10, I still enjoy what we got I just want more! I hope we get DLC in the future and there’s certainly ample opportunity, we could have a ghost survivors scenario with Brad escaping Nemesis, we could play as Nicholai as he collects data on the outbreak before the main game, a dream sequence of Jill exploring the clock tower, Tyrell could cut through the park as he makes his way to the hospital and of course I hope we get Mercenaries mode. I guess time will tell.

#resident evil #resident evil 3 remake #resident evil 3 #re3 #rant

6 notes · View notes

loverunderwater · 4 years

Text

Falling Inn Love (2019) dir. Roger Kumble

summary:

When city girl Gabriela spontaneously enters a contest and wins a rustic New Zealand inn, she teams up with bighearted contractor Jake Taylor to fix and flip it.

1.5 stars

Spoilers, duh, but you can enjoy this movie even if you know exactly what’s going to happen next, just like how everyone who watched it for the first time did. In fact, you don’t even have to read this review to guess what happens in this film. Without reading spoilers beforehand, you could probably guess 90% of the unremarkable plot points in this predictable and bland rom-com.

My biggest general problem with Falling Inn Love is that every single character has absolutely no personality. On top of that, each aspect of their personality (or lack thereof) is pretty much only included for the sake of furthering the plot. I’m pretty sure if you took away the characters’ main defining features, you would have the amount of fucks the writers put into developing their characters. They’re just not appealing, relatable, or interesting.

For example, the main character herself. Gabriela’s entire backstory is that she broke up with her boyfriend Dean. That’s literally all we get. You could not ask me to describe what I think Gabriela’s views on orgies, communism, or vegans look like. I should be familiar enough with the character to answer at least one of those. If I had to, I’d say she appreciates vegans, but that’s only because her entire personality is green housing and renovations and clean solar power and energy efficiency. You could not tell me if she planned to secretly run away from home as a child, but at least I know she brings her iPad to dinner with her boyfriend to show him her closet renovation ideas. This is a biiiig example of characters only being the way they are in order to further the plot, but also an example of the writers’ irregularity of bringing backstory into the story. Gabriela’s save-the-planet can-do attitude is only ever applied to the inn, when she decides to stay and renovate it into a clean energy facility. Not when she’s driving her clunky, CO2-emitting van all around town to places to which she could easily walk, which I’m sure is like the top biggest tip to saving the planet—to walk, bike, or take public transportation. Minus ½ star for hypocrisy.

The one thing I could tell you about Gabriela, besides that she sure does love her solar panels, is that she has an awful amount of Main Character syndrome, where she believes everything is about her and the entire world rotates around her. I’m fairly sure that wasn’t the writers’ intention, but they sure projected a ton of pride and self-esteem onto a pretty lackluster character, making her seem conceited. When Jake bumps into Gabriela at the hardware store, she says, “Why are you everywhere that I am?” Seems like she’s got a lot of confidence in her importance and relevance to Jake for someone who has no personality!!!!! It could just be a small town and Jake’s just minding his own business and knowing more about home renovation than Gabriela, which she finds annoying because she’s a strong, independent woman who takes no shit from men.

Charlotte is probably the world’s most pathetic villain. Her hobby is owning a hotel filled with porcelain dolls that belonged to her mother and the stink of old people breath. That’s all we know about her. Oh, and she really, really, really wants to buy the Bluebird from Gabriela because she’s an inn supremacist and believes only she can host an inn that restores the value of tradition and honesty to society. It’s so sad.

Jake has no personality. His backstory is that his girlfriend died 3 years ago and so he’s reluctant to love. That’s a new one. I wonder where the writers came up with that. He likes possum taxidermy because it reminds him of his grandmother. He likes to help out literally everywhere, for free, because he’s just such a nice guy. That’s all there is to him.

Even in Harry Potter, where you could clearly sort each member of the Golden Trio into a very obvious stereotype, you could still find more in-depth characterization beneath. Remove Hermione’s book-nerd, know-it-all personality. Underneath, she’s still a sassy, exasperated girl who cares for her friends and would choose them over anything. She’s flawed, and will act on her annoyance in rash, but calculated ways. Remove Ron’s comedic best friend, runt of the pack personality. Underneath, he’s loving and loyal, and is tired of simply being seen as the nobody. Finally, Harry himself, who beneath the Chosen One archetype, is snarky and witty and driven. Though fairly common and typical, there are multiple layers to these characters, which you just don’t get in Falling Inn Love. But Han, you say, that’s the appeal of a rom-com. You get to see how characters react to specific tropes. Fine, but I raise you this: pacing errors and plot convenience (woo alliteration!).

Similarly to the previous point, not only do the characters’ personalities seem to serve no purpose but to create a coherent plot, but in fact, almost everything that occurs in this movie seems to just happen out of thin air. There is literally no reason or motive behind any of the plot points, which is an indicator of a very weak story. It’s as if the writers had two plot points laid out— “Jake and Gabriela kiss” and “Gabriela decides to stay in New Zealand because she discovers she loves the Bluebird inn”— and halfassedly crammed in as many of the most contrasting tropes as they could find underneath a Wattpad novel from 2013 titled Falling for the Jock. Minus 1 star for plot convenience.

Gabriela’s boyfriend Dean is a douchebag. He is always on his phone during dates, cannot shut up about his job (Man, that sure does sound like someone else we know) and is always having his manager make decisions for the both of them. But Gabriela doesn’t break up with him beacuase he’s inattentive and ignorant. She breaks up with him because he doesn’t want to move in with her. Not wanting to move in with someone is a perfectly valid opinion to have, and Dean even gives a good reason: he’s happy with the things are now. And sure, you could break up with a partner if you felt strongly enough about things, but it would have to be a mutual understanding, an agreement that your lives were being hindered by this decision, or a realization that you both want different things. When Gabriela dumps Dean, it is entirely her end of the rope that is left hanging. It doesn’t feel like a satisfying ending to the first chapter. It feels forced, and that’s because they need Gabriela to apply for the Win an Inn scam. If Gabriela had dumped Dean because he didn’t put enough effort into the relationship, at least we would have felt happy for her, knowing that she deserved better. But because she dumped him because he didn’t want to move in with her and her eco-friendly dishwashers, we’re left thinking, Wow, that was pathetic.

There’s also a scene where Gabriela’s close (and only?? we’re not led to see any of her other friends, but then again, maybe she has none) friend tells her to give Dean an ultimatum—that’s what she did to get her boyfriend to propose to her. This is supposed to look like bad advice from an unqualified friend, since later the same friend tells Gabriela that she’s attending couple’s therapy with her fiancée, because apparently forcing your partner to either marry you or break up with you could lead to trouble in paradise. Who knew? Even though the movie makes it appear that ultimatums are not what to do in a strained relationship, that’s essentially what Gabriela does internally to Dean. Move in with me or we’re done. Minus ½ star for hypocrisy.

Falling Inn Love is supposed to be an enemies-to-friends-to-lovers story. But the pacing of Gabriela and Jake’s relationship is so out of control that it doesn’t seem realistic at all whatsoever. They go from being at each others’ necks constantly, always exchanging cliche retorts, to smiling lovingly at the other in the span of two minutes. Once again, nothing happens to spur on this change. All of the sudden, they’re acting completely civil to on another and now there’s a romance out of nowhere. It’s not realistic or believable.

The climax of Falling Inn Love was probably my least favorite part about it. After Charlotte’s creepy doll hotel is burned down, she, Jake, Gabriela, and the contractor meet to discuss the selling of the Bluebird. And oh boy. After 90 whole-ass minutes of Gabriela claiming she wants to sell the inn, she suddenly gives a Dramatic and Raw speech about keeping ahold of what’s precious to you. Actually, I’m not completely sure if that was she was talking about because it wasn’t worth listening to the entire thing. It was only like 20 seconds, but it was just like every other speech where the main character drastically changes their mind for the better. It was just sad. And after her motivational speech? Charlotte, after 90 whole-ass minutes of trying to buy the Bluebird and get Gabriela to forfeit her inn through most likely illegal manners, nods admirationally and tells Gabriela, “You’re one of us now.” Like, what even happened there? What exactly happened to make Charlotte change her mind? Wouldn’t she want to buy the inn even more now that she doesn’t have one of her own? I know no one with such high demands who would back down that easily, at such a lame speech. For that, Charlotte is a weak antagonist, and lowers the rating by ½ a star, because shouldn’t you despise the antagonist? Shouldn’t you have a little crawling feeling in your stomach whenever they appear onscreen. For me, that was true, but only because she looks like Hannah Meloche and her sickly, whiny voice made me want to throw myself off a cliff.

About halfway through the movie, Charlotte texts Dean from Gabriela’s phone, telling him to bring her back to America if he really loves her. Firstly, why doesn’t Miss Badass have a passcode on her phone?? But when Dean finally arrives to New Zealand to take Gabriela back, there’s no mention of the text. There’s not even a simple “How did you know when the opening launch party was?” “Why are you here? I did not invite you,” on Gabriela’s end, and a “You asked me to take you back, that’s what I’m here to do,” on Dean’s end. It feels like we didn’t get closure on something that was really hyped up to create suspense.

Again, nothing happens to make Gabriela change her mind about keeping the inn. even when Jake is whining to her about being authentic and real and keeeping the Bluebird for the first 7/8ths of the movie, she is adamant in telling him off. And… then nothing happens. Nothing remarkable shifts in their relationship. Nothing remarkable shifts in Gabriela’s daily life. The only thing we can assume is that Jake’s whining has started to borderline on manipulation, and Gabriela feels pressured to keep the inn if she wants to keep Jake. This would be supported by the fact that Gabriela and Jake began to ignore each other when their initial discussion about selling the Bluebird came to blows. Minus 1 star for unsatisfying conclusion.

This movie apparently really wants its happy ending, since almost everything in it is forced to get there. But I don’t know if there’s really much that’s that great.

Overall, I don’t hate Falling Inn Love because I watched it with my best friend over a FaceTime call and we were having fun. But I’m pretty sure if I had watched it on my own I would have clicked out of the tab about thirty minutes in.

3 notes · View notes

xaeneron · 5 years

Text

A Smol Nerd Talks about Backstory and Character Development

Hello frens,

I had someone ask about how I write character backstories, but since they included their discord information in the ask, I thought it might be better to answer that privately and put up this as a public post because the more I wrote, the more obnoxious it got. And because I thought it was interesting! I don’t claim to be an expert at any of this, especially since this is purely a hobby to me, but I do absolutely love character design and development and it makes me happy that the characters that I’ve put time and effort into are encouraging others to develop their own. So this is absolutely a post to skip if you’re not interested, but read on if you’re curious as to how my weird little brain works.

Essentially: Bits of insight into how I write character backstories, which blends a lot into character development and creation. Not really a step by step process, more word vomit.

...under a cut because holy fuck it got long. I’m sorry, I talk too much ><

Visualizing Characters

I’m not sure there’s really a starting place beyond “I would like this character to exist,” but I think it’s important to first stress how I view my characters in perspective to myself. No one method works for everyone, but it is kind of relevant to my own process.

My friends in undergrad made fun of me for this constantly, but for me, characters sort of...how do you put it, take up space in the mind. Even though they are functionally me since I created them, they’re...not? They exist as their own entities, telling me what they like and don’t like, what they’d like to do next, etc. Ive, who has dominated this space for years, has a tendency to claim any music that I listen to as his own (so I associate it with him), throws parties, and wants to play and write more stories when I want to sleep. I get that this is a really weird way of looking at characters because I’m essentially blaming myself for keeping myself awake, but I think it’s the best way to describe how I see the characters that I create. They’re friends that talk, and they develop their own opinions instead of me dictating what it is that they say (even though...well, I am. I’m sorry this is really fucking weird LOL).

Obviously I’m not saying that this can or would work for anyone, but it’s just how my brain works. It helps me visualize them, along with details like how their voices sound, the facial expressions they tend to make, the tone that they take when saying the same phrase as someone else, etc.

Assembling Personalities...

I know the original question was essentially just about backstories, but backstory writing and character creation bleed into each other a lot. Enough that I don’t really think you can do one without the other, and why as a result I’m kind of writing about both.

So that being said, when assembling those characters, I tend to go piece by piece and let things happen, instead of distilling in all the characteristics I want them to have. That’s a pretty surefire way to make a Mary Sue, and I have plenty of experience with making Mary Sues. A lot. It’s embarrassing. ;A;

Let’s take Ive, for example. His initial personality when I first made him was a happy-go-lucky, debonair, massive flirt without a care in the world. He waltzed through life, never getting attached to anyone or anything. A fairly simple and shallow character base. As I played, pieces just kind of came together - some from the Commander’s in-game characterization, and some from my own ideas. I let him pick up different facets of his personality over time, some good, some bad.

This works because Ive’s personality wasn’t set in stone from the get-go and changed drastically as time went on, but if you do have a personality you have your heart set on, then make sure your character responds to new challenges accordingly. Consistency is key, and the way they act in the present can also help you road map their past, figuring out how they got to where they are. And who knows, if you take another look, they might surprise you.

...Including the Weird Shit

Sometimes the tiniest quirks help make characters memorable to you, and help shape who they were and grow up to be. One of my OCs, Beck, is an obfuscating idiot who legitimately knows his way around a blade and is insanely clever when he wants to be. He also has a random deadly allergy to mangoes. Does he have a story that he (somewhat) fondly looks back on where his adopted daughter chases him around with a mango in retaliation for making fun of her? By golly yes he does. Is it important to the overall narrative? No. But does it establish more of his relationship with his daughter, even when she’s an adult? Yes. It also is the sort of anecdote that can snowball - what was he saying that was bad enough for her to chase him with tropical fruit? How did she even get a mango in the first place? Does she have a crush on someone? What sort of person is that? Is it someone new in town, or is it a stranger? What makes them different? Is Beck just assuming, and if so, is it because he’s dense or because he’s just trying to be a doting father? Even little things count, especially when sometimes it’s the anecdotes and sides stories that help make the world and characters you’re creating feel more real.

Write What You Know

This is pretty common advice, but it’s also pretty solid advice. It’s also something that I do often. None of my characters are straight self-inserts (arguably), but many of them have one or more facets of my personality, which makes it much easier for me to write them. Anyone who knows me personally will attest to this, particularly when you begin to note the amount of deadpan snarkers that my cast contains. My primary OCs (who don’t show up much here unfortunately) range from politely snarky to full on deadpan. Ive and Etiery are prime examples of this, while Richter also has his moments. Sharing traits with you helps writing their dialogue and motivations more organically, because again, it’s not what you want them to do, it’s how they would react as a living individual. If you’re not a naturally sarcastic person, it’s going to be harder to develop and accurately write a sarcastic character, etc. (Flashbacks to when I was a kid and my attempt at sarcasm and wit was “Go home old man, nobody needs you.”) Not impossible, of course, but something to keep in mind.

It’s not just personality, either. Rayne (one of my OCs) and Etiery are a chemist and engineer respectively because that is what I am. Part of the way their brains work stems from the fields that they choose to specialize in, and as someone in that field, I do have a certain amount of experience in thinking from that perspective. It’s okay to base characters on yourself or people you know, or take bits and pieces from people here or there. Again, it grounds you, and if you can write a realistic personality, you can write a more fleshed out backstory for said character, taking into account their motivations and decision-making.

Balancing Story vs. Personality

Part of storytelling is, well, getting across the story that you want to tell. In that, characters are instruments to help you move that plot forward. But if you’re fleshing out your characters, you also want the plot to be a vehicle to help them develop. Really, it depends on the story you want to tell and how you want to tell it, but if you’re like me and you focus first on characters, then my mindset is probably more applicable.

Essentially though, find a balance. You might need someone to do something for the sake of the plot, but think about if the one you’re picking is a good candidate for it, or if it’s better suited for someone else. If no one fits, maybe you need to take a look at the story step you’re making, or at the characters you’ve created. Remember also that although it’s easy to look at things objectively as an author and say things like “that’s so obvious, they shouldn’t go that way,” a character may still make that choice in the moment. Judgment - present, past, or future - can be questionable as it happens.

Pay Attention to the Timeline

This one’s pretty straightforward. One of the easiest things to mess up is to make your character too old or too young to be doing the things that they’re currently doing. Check and double-check. If you’re writing into an established timeline like GW2′s, make sure your character’s timeline fits with the established lore (unless you are very specifically breaking it for some reason). Ive, for example, is not one of the older generations of sylvari, but he is older than the sylvari protagonist in-game to account for his extra time spent training to compensate for his lack of eyesight. Keeping track of when events happen, often simultaneously, will help you decide how characters act and react - Etiery would not have been so kind (relatively speaking) to Ive had she met him before her fallout with her father, and as a result, they might never have become best friends, or friends at all.

Look at Things from All Angles

It’s important to look at a character and ask where they got certain characteristics from - are they naturally this kind/sarcastic/flirty/angsty/mean/etc., or did something happen that catalyzed that? If you’re writing backstory to explain that, take a look at the world you’re in or that you’re building - does the story you’re telling fit reasonably? Really challenge yourself to stay within your (universe’s) rules, instead of being tempted to bend them to make your character (and their story) exactly what you want. All universes have rules, and unless it is a specific plot point to break them, make sure you follow them! Making impossible loopholes to make sure your character has a degree by age 12 or can resurrect someone perfectly when the magic is explicitly stated to not exist can weaken your story and your character!

Richter is a good example of my personal thought process, being a glasses-wearing necromancer whose backstory is a street rat. He’s tall and awkward as an adult, so it’s not unreasonable that he was once a tall and gawky kid, the kind of kid whose arms are too long and everyone picks on. How does a kid like that survive on the streets? One of his major traits is the fact that he’s a bookworm: if he was orphaned, where did he learn to read? If he had parents long enough to teach him rudimentary reading skills (which he did), how much practical experience did he lose out on since he spent less time alone on the streets? As someone with a strong moral compass, Richter had to find a way to justify committing crimes to survive. A child like that would probably be too frightened to ask Grenth’s clergy or anyone at the schools in Divinity’s Reach (which he could not afford) to teach him in necromancy. How does he learn as a result? Is he afraid of his powers? Do people treat him differently because of them?

It’s kind of what I mean when I say pieces start falling into place. Start with a detail that you want for sure, and build up from that while maintaining its feasibility in the world that you’re working in.

And Don’t Ignore the Random

Seriously, I think this is my favorite part. Sometimes the things that you don’t expect sneak up on you and make it in. Fun fact for anyone fond of Ive: he originally wasn’t blind. OG Ive had nothing physically wrong with him. One day I was showing my friend my GW2 characters, including Ive in his full Rubicon set. I was nervous that she wouldn’t think it was as cool as I did, so I joked (although I would have anyway) that I didn’t know how he would see with the brim of the hat pulled so low. She replied, “Well, what if he has the hat pulled so low because he’s blind and it doesn’t matter to him?”

I chewed on that idea for the next day and a half, and suddenly a lot of things fell into place - why Ive and Eet get along as well as they do, more justification for Ive’s growing, below-the-surface jaded personality, an obstacle for him to overcome. I drowned in feels and texted her, and to this day it is still very much her fault that Ive can’t see.

His lack of vision is now one of the central pillars of his character, and it’s something I hadn’t even considered before my friend mentioned it in jest. So don’t ignore random inspiration!

#xae replies #anon ask response #character development #backstory #a lot of word vomit under the cut #i'm sorry in advance #I think about this shit a lot #lolol #I also love talking about my characters #so #ask away #conversation is welcome!#thanks if you bothered to read all of the vomit LOL

6 notes · View notes

technoskittles · 5 years

Text

Fanfic author asks

I didn’t get any asks regarding this but I still kinda wanna answer the questions anyway so here goes

1. What was your first fic and could you stand to reread it today?

I refuse to say what my first fic was and that should be answer enough to the second part

2. What’s your most recent fic and how far do you think you’ve come?

Most recent fic is Something Good Can Work

I think I’ve come pretty far from when I first started writing. I know there’s some things I could always be better at, but I’m way happier with the stuff I was writing 5 and 10 years ago.

WAY happier

3. In your opinion, what’s your best fic?

Oh geez that’s kind of hard because there’s a few I’m pretty proud of.

If I had to name one, it’d probably be lost & different. It’s one of my longest oneshots to date and I ended up finishing it in 2 days so...go me.

4. In your opinion and without looking at any numbers, what’s your most popular fic?

Shot in the Dark. Hands down.

5. Is there any fic that makes you super happy to reread and remember you wrote that?

Pure Feeling probably. I think it’s mostly because it’s kind of out of place for me (I don’t typically do fics involving kids so it’s a nice change of pace)

6. Is there any fic that makes you super embarrassed to reread and remember you wrote that?

A lot of my older fics from when I wrote for Teen Titans and Soul Eater. Dark times man....dark times.

7. What’s the fic you most want to continue (unfinished or no)?

Pure Feeling absolutely. And I actually do want to finish Fall From Eden, but I wanna rewrite it (I first published it about 4 years ago and not only do I want to fix some things plot-wise to incorporate more of canon into it, but there’s a lot I’m not happy with that I want to try and fix)

I also have a sequel lined up for Shot in the Dark.

But if I had to pick one, definitely Pure Feeling. I want to be able to actually finish a multichaptered fic for once and by dammit I’m gonna do it.

8. What’s the oldest (longest since last update) fic you most want to continue (unfinished or no)?

That would be Shot in the Dark. There were a lot of things I wanted to do with that AU and while I don’t think I’ll get to most of it, I do at least want to finish the sequel.

9. Have you ever written for a fandom without watching/reading/playing the source material?

Nope. I don’t write for things I don’t have an interest in and typically if I haven’t consumed it, I’m not interested

10. Have you ever written for a fandom without reading other fanfic for it?

A couple, yeah. I wrote a fic for Jessica Jones (although, after I did I ended up reading a couple fics for it).

Also did a couple of fics in my early years of writing for some stuff that people probably know nothing about (but if you’re curious, Princess Ai and Astonishing Adventures of Fanboy and Goth Girl)

11. Have you ever written a fic for a concept you know someone else has done before? How did it impact your writing process or feelings after posting?

I feel like it’s hard not to? Most concepts in general have typically been done before by someone. We don’t create in a vacuum.

But if I do a concept I know I’ve seen before, I typically always try to make it my own somehow. Because since it’s been done before, others have most likely seen it, so I want to show them how mine is different. I like to push the boundaries, combine different concepts together, and really create a piece that makes it unique enough to set myself apart.

I like using general concepts and deconstructing them before reconstructing them into something new that I like and want to share. And it’s always nice after I publish it and get feedback to see that people really enjoy the stuff I write.

12. Have you ever written a fic and decided never to publish it? Why?

Oh plenty for sure. More often than not, I started writing it and got stuck and then a) took so long I lost interest or b) took so long that I forgot where I was going with it

13. What’s the biggest change between your style when you started in fandom and today?

If we’re talking about style, I think that’s a bit harder to pin down depending on what I write. But I’ve noticed that with particular oneshots I’ve become more abstract in my writing so that’s cool

14. What’s the biggest change in your taste between when you started in fandom and today?

I used to read just about anything if it had my ship when I was younger, but as I grew older I became more and more picky. Some things can turn me off a fic completely.

I also have really grown to dislike fics that are WAY to cliche and tropey. I love tropes as much as the next person, but I feel like some people just don’t do enough with it to really make it interesting. The more cliche your fic is without much else brought to it, the easier it is for me to forget it.

15. Have you ever purposefully written one fandom/fic idea over another because you knew it’d be more popular?

Nah. I don’t typically like writing things I’m not passionate about because it’s hard to hold my attention to finish it. If I write an idea, it’s because I wanted to, not because I figured it’d get me a lot of feedback.

16. Have you ever stopped writing a fic/for a fandom because it wasn’t receiving enough attention?

Not really. Like I said before, if I don’t write for it, it probably means I’m not awfully interested anymore

17. In your opinion, what’s your most overrated fic?

If we’re talking about any fics, probably one of the ones I wrote for Teen Titans in my earlier days.

But if we’re talking more recent, Talking Body. Idk. I just don’t think that fic is as interesting as I thought it was at the time but it blew the fuck up regardless

18. What’s your most underrated fic?

Hybrid. I’m mostly upset because it didn’t get as much attention as the prequel before it considering that garnered a lot of attention but...c’est la vie

19. If you had to pick one fic/scene/chapter of your work to describe your entire portfolio to a stranger, which would you pick?

Probably pillars. It’s probably one of the most interesting fics I’ve written in terms of formatting.

20. Have/Would you ever rewrite a fic? If yes, would you take the original down?

Like I mentioned before, I do want to rewrite Fall From Eden. And yes, if and when I eventually get to that, I would be replacing all the chapters currently up.

21. If someone starts kudosing and commenting your fics in a spree and has a few works of their own, would you go look through theirs?

Not typically. I appreciate the onslaught of feedback, trust me, but I prefer to parse through the fic lists of the ships of my choosing and read from there

22. Has there ever been anyone who’s made you freak out because they read your work and followed/favorited/reviewed?

Not that I can remember. I’m sure it’s happened, I just can’t remember it haha

23. What’s the nicest review you’ve ever gotten?

Oh jeez that’s a tough one I can’t remember them all.

This is one that’s stuck out though

“ You really captured what post-traumatic self-destructive behaviors feel like while staying so true to their dynamic as well as getting the characterization right to the T despite the fact that the show itself is obviously much less grim (not that it's not angsty, just far from this.) Beautifully written, the repetition and the parallels really put it all together. This piece hit home. I'll remember this one. Thank you for writing it. Thank you for sharing. “

-from as my World d[ivides]

24. What’s the meanest review you’ve ever gotten? Do you think the reviewer intended it?

I’ve gotten plenty of mean reviews but most of those are from my earlier days of writing. I can’t remember any particular ones so I also couldn’t tell you if the reviewer intended it or not

25. What constructive criticism, however well-meaning, always makes you feel bad when you see it in a review?

I wouldn’t say it makes me feel bad, but I know one review I’ve seen a couple of times is when people tell me that my writing gets too prose-y. The main reason it rubs me the wrong way is because while I’m sure they’re trying to be helpful, prose is part of my style less than the logistics and structure.

My descriptions can be a bit much sometimes I guess, but more often than not, it’s there for a reason. Whether it helps set the mood, gives insight to the characters’s thoughts/motivations/feelings that really set the story, or because I want to immerse the reader in the best way possible by painting a picture.

So it’s just annoying when people tell me to tone it down because it’s too much for them. If you don’t like prose, then read something else.

26. What aspect of your writing do you most enjoy to see praised?

My characterization. 9 times out of 10, that’s the thing I get most anxious about, so when people tell me I nail it it always makes my goddamn day

27. If you could only ever write crossovers or single-fandom fics ever again, which would you pick?

Single-fandom. Not a huge fan of crossover fics

28. if you could only ever write for a single crossover or a single fandom again, which would you pick?

Oof. That’s really tough because like I said, my interests change all the time. I typically jump from fandom to fandom and write for whatever I’m obsessed with at the time.

I guess if I had to pick though...RWBY probably.

29. Does the division of your writing across fandoms line up with your reading? What’s the biggest discrepancy?

I’d say it’s about even for what I’m interested at the time. Biggest discrepancy though would probably be....either Miraculous Ladybug or Fairy Tail.

I just don’t write much for those and read a lot so...

30. Do you continue to write for a fandom after you’ve moved on or do you focus solely on the new one?

Sometimes. Not too often. Because usually I’m so hyperfocused on the new shiny thing that most of my ideas end up being for that

31. Who’s the one character you’ve just never managed to get perfectly right?

I always worry that I do that for every character I write for haha.

I think my major concerns regarding that right now are Scorpia and Entrapta. For some reason I feel like they’re really difficult to write for.

32. Who’s the one character who shines without you even trying?

Yang probably. Maybe Adora

33. Is there any particular character whose scenes always wind up being longer/more frequent than you expected? Does the quality hold up?

I don’t think so?

34. Was there any fic that you wrote that really surprised you in the fandom reaction? Was it just by the numbers or did they take it an entirely different way?

I’d have to say as my World d[ivides] really surprised me. I really wasn’t sure how people would respond to that one given that it deals with a VERY sensitive subject and was positive I’d face a little bit of backlash. But honestly everyone actually really loved it and I got so much nice feedback from it.

35. Have you ever written a ship into a fic without meaning to?

Not usually

36. Have you ever sincerely written a ship you do not support into a fic?

Nope

37. Have you ever purposefully bashed a character/ship in a fic?

Not that I’m aware of

38. Have you ever purposefully written something you know your readers would find uncomfortable/would not enjoy? If yes, why?

I think that would probably be Sunflower. And if you’ve read that fic you know exactly what I mean.

If you haven’t read it, I won’t include spoilers, but I did explain myself at the end of it

39. Do you consider yourself to have a readership?

I think I have a few loyal readers yeah (and I love all of them)

40. Do you feel like you put out enough content?

HA!

41. If you cross-post your fics on multiple sites, do you have a favorite? Are there certain fics you would only post on certain site?

I used to crosspost when I first started on AO3 but after awhile I gave up bc I didn’t like ffnet’s set-up nearly as much. Sometimes I’ll post fics here on tumblr but I fucking HATE the formatting so...not much

42. How many views has your most popular fic gotten?

6,156 views (that would be Shot in the Dark)

43. Your least popular?

173 views - Scared to Breathe

44. Do you follow/favorite/kudos/comment/review more stories than you have received?

That’s really hard to say. I read a lot but I do have a few really popular stories so...

45. If you had to call yourself an author of a single genre (besides fanfic) what label would you give yourself?

I think my specialty is angst. You can ask most of my friends.

46. Do you consider yourself a diverse author?

I try to be. But I do think I lean towards certain areas

47. If someone you know in real life who isn’t involved in fandoms asked to read your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you recommend they read first?

Errrr...probably not? I tell people that I write fics, but I always get nervous when it comes to the thought of them actually reading them. It feels too personal somehow. Like, that’s a part of me I don’t usually let people see.

The only person who has is my boyfriend. And even then I get nervous when he does it

48. Does anyone you know from outside of fandom know you write fanfic? Are they involved in the same fandom too?

Yeah like I said, I’ve told some people. And they area typically interested in the original content, but I don’t know how involved they are in fanfiction or fandom itself

49. Has anyone in your life ever read your fanfic just because you wrote it?

My boyfriend

50. Has writing fanfic had a significant impact on your life? Would you say it’s entirely positive?

I would like to say it has. I’ve been writing for about 10 years now and it’s really opened up a lot of doors for me. I’ve met some really great people through fic and fandom. I’ve also grown as a writer after being at it for so long which has, strangely enough, helped me regarding essays and papers for school.

Writing is kind of just what I do now. It’s one of my only contributions to fandom, so it’s nice to know I can take part somehow in generating content.

2 notes · View notes

trashqueenkyloren · 7 years

Text

Longass Meta on Kylo Ren’s Redemption Arc/Rey and Kylo

SO, to begin, this is something I’ve wanted to write literally since Dec 2015 but the fear of being hated on has been so strong that I’ve just recently felt confident enough to post it and I really just want this out there before The Last Jedi comes out so I can compare although it’s so close to the release date this is all probably irrelevant now oh well

So I went into The Force Awakens basically as a blank slate (I’ll explain later) and I really just want to point out a few thoughts I had while watching it the first time that point to a potential Kylo Ren Redemption arc and the possibility of Rey and Kylo at least teaming up (this is mostly just my opinion, feel free to disagree!)

(way more under the cut guys, read on if you like!)

To begin, let me explain a little bit about myself

PART 1: BACKGROUND

When I went to go see TFA in theaters, I knew almost nothing about Star Wars. I had seen the originals like once when I was like 5 and had not really gotten into it. In fact all I knew was that

1) The force and the light/dark side are a thing

2) Darth Vader is Luke’s father

3) Han is Leia’s love interest and Luke is her brother (and even this I had to ask my friend to clarify/make sure I had it right)

and obviously I knew the names of yoda and r2d2 and other really basic knowledge, you get the idea

The Force Awakens is what made me become a Star Wars fan (don’t worry, I have since then made up for my mistakes by rewatching all the movies and such)

but anyway what this means is

I went into TFA as basically a blank slate, meaning I had no biased Star Wars thoughts to cloud my judgement

I saw what the filmmakers wanted me to see

In addition, being a person who currently studies Literature, Psychology, and Film Studies at college (yeah, yeah, I fit the stereotype, kill me), if there is something I know well it’s Storytelling

The only things I really knew about TFA before going into it were that

1) It was a sequel to the originals

2) Rey and Finn are the main characters (had seen pictures and was already lowkey shipping FinnRey)

3) The bad guy was some masked dude

That's it. I wasn't a huge fan so I hadn't bothered to look up anything else about the movie and hadn't seen any spoilers. But enough about me .

PART 2: THE CHARACTER OF KYLO REN

Now, while viewing TFA, one thing that struck me and captivated me in a way that no other Star Wars movie had was the character of Kylo Ren. I had definitely not expected to like this character at all. Two things changed this for me

1) The reveal that he is the son of Han and Leia

Never before (in the movies) had Star Wars had a character that was so clearly torn between the two sides. Him being the son of Han Solo and Leia gave him a legacy and a reason for us to want him to be good. We want Han and Leia to get the happiness they deserve. Honestly, if you don’t want a Kylo to be redeemed just think about poor Leia losing her son and still having hope for him (Do it for Leia!!) .

2) His feeling the pull to the light

This scene surprised me because the fact that Kylo is talking to an old helmet about his inner feelings means that

a) he has no one to confide in so he is withholding a lot of strong mixed emotions and feelings, which is unhealthy

b) he is tempted by the light side while being on the dark, which is very, very different from most villains, who (it seems to me) disregard the light completely. Which means despite wanting desperately to be bad he can’t even do it because of an inborn light side like a teenager going through a rebellious phase

and c) he is being honest about his call to the light because he has no reason to lie if he’s not talking to anyone, which means he really does still feel a compulsion to be good

Star Wars, being a family-friendly film saga, usually has a pretty clear dichotomy on good and evil (hence, light and dark sides). We root for the good guys, not the bad guys. It’s always been sort of a black and white morality going on, but Kylo is one of the few characters that enhances the Star Wars universe by bringing to light (heh) the potential for gray morality in an otherwise black and white world (as it is)

He is a person that really should be on the light side because of his family and such, but because of Snoke’s constant manipulation and unfortunate upbringing he’s been struggling with the dark side his entire life. It’s really a sad thing to think about.

Additionally

While initially hating him, I ended up feeling a great deal of sympathy for him throughout the film, so much so that I wondered why they had even made him a villain at all

He was not a weak villain like I had heard in reviews, just a conflicted one. A lot of people don’t like it when villains don’t fit perfectly into a “pure evil mustache-twirling-type”. I found Kylo infinitely more interesting because of this.

He’s no Darth Vader. But that’s the point. Both he and the audience, in a sort of meta twist, know that he’ll constantly be in the shadow of Darth Vader. So, instead, he’s younger, more volatile, more emotional, uncontrollable, unpredictable. He’s contrasted from all these villains to show how he stands out as different. He seemed to me separate from the Hux/Snoke kind of evil that didn’t have any sort of redeeming qualities at all. Evil for the sake of evil, if you will

The viewer’s sympathy for the villain and how obviously they showed his flaws and potential for good is the crucial foundation of a redemption arc

I liked him a lot as a character pretty much up until he killed Han Solo. Then, I obviously believed he was a lot more evil than he looked, although the fact that he definitely didn’t seem happier or better or more dark-side oriented in any way after this still suggested that he didn’t become completely evil

After this, it hit me that the ONLY sure-fire way to make people absolutely hate Kylo Ren as a villain and squashing people’s complaints that he was too wishy-washy or not bad enough as a villain was to have him kill off one of the most beloved characters in Star Wars history (who also happened to be his father)

He was so obviously drawn to the light and not bad enough throughout the first half of the movie that the writers had to take a huge step in order to get him to the actual level of villain and add a lot of unlikeability

PART 3: KYLO REN AND REY

(My favorite part of the movie ^ Has been my laptop’s background wallpaper since Dec 2015. I would get a poster of it if I could)

In this section, I will describe some things I picked up both about Kylo’s characterization around Rey and their interactions between them. I think that Kylo’s actions towards Rey played a large part in getting the audience to think he was “too weak” of a villain (Something I heard in reviews a lot after watching the movie)

1) The infamous bridal carry scene

Okay my first thought when I saw this was that he was way too gentle with her. Honestly, Kylo, you need your hands to use your lightsaber and the force, so this is much you rendering yourself completely useless on unsafe territory

He could’ve slung her over his shoulder? Or passed her off to a Stormtrooper? So this struck me as very strange, to say the least. To think that he would carry her so gently. But then we see this

Now, the importance of the combination of the bridal carry and the crossing of the threshold was not lost on me

It reminded me a lot of a movie a had scene only a few months earlier (which I would highly recommend), Crimson Peak.

While the bridal carry itself could indicate romantic interest between the two characters (somebody already wrote a really good meta about this so I won’t go into it here) the additional crossing of the threshold is a step in the traditional “Hero’s Journey,” a set of steps in a literary work that star wars loves to rely on, where the hero’s journey begins and the hero’s life is changed

Typically, it’s the point of no return for our hero, as things change in a permanent sort of way for their journey moving forward

2) The Unmasking Scene

I was shocked by this scene for a few reasons which I’ll go into here

a) First off, I was shocked by how youthful he looked. I was expecting a creepy looking old dude or someone with a bunch of scars on their face, but instead we get this young, handsome boy. (Yes, I find Kylo Ren attractive, but does this somehow invalidate my thinking in this meta? No. I can put aside attraction for an objective analysis.) But what I also realized is that he doesn’t need the mask to live, like Darth Vader did. He needs a mask for the entirely opposite reason, in order to make him seem intimidating. Without it he just looks like a lost child, he needs the mask in order to be taken seriously.

b) The second thing that shocked me was that this is the first installation of a trilogy and they’ve already unmasked the main villain. This speaks volumes to them wanting the audience to humanize him as early as possible. Darth Vader didn’t get unmasked until the later part of the last movie of the trilogy. If they wanted him to remain purely antagonistic, they would would have left his mask on. This means that they aren’t going to want us to view him as the one-dimensional cardboard cutout villain, they want us to view him as a human with flaws.

c) The final thing I want to touch on is that Kylo’s unmasked came directly after Rey’s quote “That’s what happens when your being hunted by a creature in a mask”. When Rey said this, my reaction in the theater was, So just take it off! And then he did. And I had really not expected him to actually take off his mask for her, as this meant he did not want her to view him as a “creature” or a “monster,” but he wanted her to see he is a human, just like her. He wanted to create empathy between them. This move, along with me noticing that Kylo was much younger and more attractive than I thought, coupled with his attempts to reassure her (tells her he doesn’t know where her friends are, “you’re my guest,” “don’t be afraid, I feel it too”) led me to believe the Kylo Ren might actually be Rey’s love interest, instead of Finn. It seemed like a unique plausible twist and it was just kind of an instinctual gut feeling that hit me. Of course, the thought of this went out the window when Kylo murdered Han, but, after reviewing the movie a couple more times, the thought kept coming back to me.

(Okay quick side note, my friend and I came across a Kylo Ren action figure for The Last Jedi that says different phrases in Barnes and Noble recently, so I pressed it, and one of the phrases is just Kylo saying “Don’t be afraid” in a gentle tone and my friend and I were laughing because what kind of villain just says “don’t be afraid” even in their action figure? That’s like, the least threatening thing, so anyways...)

3) The Final Fight

I really, really liked the fight at the end, aesthetically it was beautiful. I really liked that neither Rey nor Kylo seemed to overpower the other, even though Kylo should’ve easily been able to overpower Rey because he’s physically stronger and has had more experience and training.

The fact that Kylo says “It’s just us now” clearly to Rey honestly made me laugh because Finn is standing literally right there, but Kylo clearly doesn’t view him as a threat because he knows that Rey is strong with the force and therefore, she is more of a threat to him. A lot of what Kylo says can actually be applied to Rey too, which I find interesting. When he says “Han Solo can't save you,” yes he’s talking to Rey but he’s also talking about himself, as he believes Han Solo was unable to save him.Then he’s obviously not trying to flat-out kill Rey in their fight, he’s trying to get her to join him because he believes he can train her (“I can show you the ways of the Force”) which also surprised me.

It was interesting to see Kylo weakened by his wicked act, instead of strengthened as he thought. This, to me, meant that he still had the potential for light and redemption in him, given enough character development in future movies. I’m excited to see what The Last Jedi and Episode IX holds for him, and what they decide to do with his character. All I’m saying is, he has a lot of potential for a good redemption arc, as the foundation has already been laid for it.

PART 4: ENDING THOUGHTS

I think that both reylos and “antis” have a lot of valid points, but miscommunication seems to be a main problem.

I guarantee you that literally no reylo wants Kylo Ren and Rey to make out, like, right now, as it stands with the ending of The Force Awakens that we know. They need Kylo to go through a redemption arc FIRST and there needs to be a lot of things that need to change for this to occur. If Kylo Ren didn’t threaten Rey in any way in this movie then they would not be enemies, and there would practically be no plot. Also, I’m pretty sure no one wants Rey’s story to be eclipsed by Kylo or her story to revolve around saving him. This should come about through Leia/himself. But also, love does not make a character inherently weaker.

Right now, Rey and Kylo are enemies, on opposite sides of a war. But they have a lot of potential for the “Enemies to Allies to Lovers” classic trope (with TFA as enemies, TLJ as allies, and then ep 9 as Lovers) But things must proceed in this order for this to occur. There is no skipping stages here. It is their potential for more which intrigues reylo shippers so much.

Personally, I am intrigued by their yin and yang, with one person in the dark being drawn to the light, another in the light being tempted by the dark, and I want them at least to team up (it could remain platonic) to bring balance to the force. To me, seeing this play out would be extremely satisfying, and be something unlike what Star Wars has done before.

Now, if you don’t ship reylo or don’t want Kylo Ren to be redeemed, awesome. That’s your opinion and you are free to have it. I don’t wish to start arguments or discourse, I simply wanted to vent some thoughts. This post shows my opinions, which I am also free to have. Thanks for reading about it!

#kyloclub #reylo #kylo ren #rey #tlj #tfa #leia #meta #ben solo #my meta #the last jedi #the force awakens #star wars #sw #my thoughts

113 notes · View notes

dent-de-leon · 7 years

Note

shiro is vld's damsel in distress and keith is his knight in shining armor

Ok so I know I joke about Keith saving Shiro like a princess, but actually, this is honestly how their dynamic is portrayed?? Keith is always shown as the first one at Shiro’s side when he’s in danger, always running to his rescue. If he has to choose between the mission and Shiro, he’ll take Shiro every time. But now, let’s talk about this idea he’s a knight for a minute. Because it’s very much a purposefully drawn comparison. In the comics, when the paladins are all likened to pieces on a chessboard, Keith is delegated to this role. The narrative literally refers to him as a knight by name.

The imagery of Keith’s bayard also serves to reinforce this. Instead of a more sci-fi weapon like a laser gun or some advanced alien tech, Keith’s weapon of choice is a classic sword. Nothing evokes the image of a knight more than a sword and shield (which the paladin suit has). Keith’s belief system also feeds into this archetype. Time and again, he’s singled out as the most dedicated to the mission. He is a paladin first and foremost. When Pidge wants to leave to find her family, Keith is the one who lashes out and lectures her about how they need to defend the universe and make sacrifices for the greater good. When Allura is captured, Keith again notes that their duty as paladins must come first. Keith leaves the castle when he believes his presence will do more harm than good. And the paladin guidebook even lists his most important value as honor–a clear reference to knightly chivalry.

Keith’s initial role in Voltron is also a clear indicator of his character. If the head of Voltron is a leader whose men will follow without question, if they’re like a “King,” then as Voltron’s “right-hand man” Keith is a loyal knight. And just like any good knight, Keith will call out rulers for failing to serve the people and treating their subjects unjustly. The way Keith reacts so strongly to Lubos is a good example of this. Again, nobility and honor are distinctly important to him.

Another trope with a knight and damsel you often see in fantasy is that, like a typical knight, the protagonist highly values chivalry and champions a noble cause. But ultimately, that means learning to sacrifice their own selfish desires for the sake of the greater good. So their love interest is often seen as a distraction from the hero’s quest. They can’t afford to indulge in their feelings because the mission must come first. And often times, this culminates in a decision where the knight must choose to sacrifice the person they care about most–a representation of their own desires–because their duty demands it.

And in his trial, who is it that’s sent to tempt the hero and divert him from his quest, who is it that Keith longs for most, the person he “desperately wants to see”? Who is the one person that Keith can afford to be selfish for, the one who he’ll throw away everything–including his obligations as a paladin–just to be with?

And we know that this is an archetype VLD is very much aware of and acknowledges in their narrative. After all, heroes who fail to give up their own wants and needs, chasing after their love and abandoning their duty–they’re often cast down, vilified, characterized as foolish and selfish and bringing about disaster for their arrogance. And Zarkon is the literal embodiment of this character. He’s a glimpse at what Keith’s future could look like if he continues down the same path and chooses Shiro over the universe. Just like how Zarkon chose his love over everything else.

So when I mention all the sheith and zaggar parallels, I really do believe it’s wholly intentional. Especially given all the foreshadow that Keith will eventually reach the same crossroads where he’ll have to decide whether or not to sacrifice Shiro for the sake of the universe. But being that Keith doesn’t believe in things being so “black and white” and also the trope that a successor will surpass their predecessor, I believe Keith will figure out an alternative answer that will allow for both Shiro and the the others he defends to stay safe.

Now, as for Shiro’s role as a “princess,” the notion is pretty interesting. Obviously, it’s a clear subversion of gender. But there’s never any shame or weakness to it. Quite the contrary, actually. Shiro is established as the strongest and most formidable member of Team Voltron. He’s their brave leader, their fearless protector, their unshakable rock. But he is so often idolized, seen as impossibly perfect and infallible, and this inevitably takes its toll. The fact that he allows himself to be vulnerable with Keith, to let Keith help him and take care of him, is never shown as a point of pathetic inability or weakness.

Rather, Voltron portrays it as okay to admit that you aren’t strong enough, that you’re not okay, that asking for help is perfectly alright and there’s nothing wrong with admitting you can’t shoulder the weight of the world on your own. Shiro asking Keith to come save him is important because he never asks the others for help. He puts up a facade and tries to keep everything together in front of them. And when Keith says things like Shiro really changed his life, you can infer that, before this, Shiro was probably always the one taking care of him. So Keith always being the first to defend Shiro in turn reads as You were always the one protecting me, now let me stand by your side and protect you.

This concept of sheith’s dynamic resembling a knight and princess is also established immediately. Their very first scene together is Keith saving Shiro, and it really feels like knight rescuing their lost love. Right away you associate these two characters with one another, see just how intimately familiar they are with each other. Keith fights fiercely on Shiro’s behalf but softens up when he looks at him, leans it closer and tenderly reaches out to him. And I’ve talked about this a lot before, but the way Keith mourns Shiro is distinctly reminescent of someone grieving a lover.

The way he’s inconsollible and claims to be the only one who really cares about Shiro, the way he searches relentlessly and needs to be told time and again that it’s time to move on, the way his voice breaks when Black accepts him and he pleads, “Please, no.” Keith really loves Shiro. And his devotion to him, including leading Voltron in honor of his last wish as well as vowing to never give up on him, Keith’s desperation to be with him, this notion that he’d be all alone without him--yes, he loves Shiro. But it’s a love that’s passionate and intense and possessive and desperate in a way that platonic or familial love just isn’t.

I think Kuron’s rescue and recovery in season 3 is also very remenescent of this whole damsel in distress theme. For one thing, Keith is established as Shiro’s sole rescuer, and the “reunion” scene is an intimate moment between just the two of them. Kuron’s hero is here to save him, and they can both finally be at ease. The start of the next episode is very interesting because it just seems like business as usual. The paladins are all off on a mission, but Kuron is nowhere to be seen. He’s taken out of the action. Instead, this is the first time we get to see Allura use her bayard. And she makes for a fearsome opponent. It’s a distinct reversal of how you’d usually see a knight go off on their quest while the princess waits back at the castle for their safe return. Here, Kuron takes on that position. And the way we see Keith dutifully caring for him at his bedside afterwards reinforces this idea. And it’s okay for Kuron to rest and take as much times as he needs. It’s okay because Keith will still lead in the meantime and he’ll always be there to check in on Kuron and help him through his recovery.

Of course, there’s more than one way to save someone, and I think it’s important to make that distinction with Shiro and Keith’s relationship. Because it’s not Keith carrying all of Shiro’s weight for him and taking care of everything. It’s about Keith really supporting Shiro and reaffirming that he is a good and worthy paladin–“You mean, your bayard.” It’s the way that Shiro has already given himself up for dead but Keith looks him in the eye and tells him that he’ll be alright, that he can make it. It’s the fact that Shiro struggles with his trauma and still believes that he’s a monster, that he’s undeserving of the title “paladin” and that there’s no way he can stand against the empire and survive. Keith asserts time and again that Shiro is their leader, that Shiro is strong and kind and loving, that Shiro isn’t broken, that he deserves to live. It’s that Keith gives him hope, and Shiro is able to stand by his side and push forward because of it.

Ultimately, I think the best way to describe this dynamic is by just quoting what Josh said at wondercon about his favorite scene: “Shiro is in really bad shape and he’s waiting to pretty much get rescued by Keith. I love this clip because you really see the weak side of Shiro, you really see Keith’s determination to find him. And it was just really exciting for me to watch it. Because it really looks dire, and it really looks like he’s not gonna make it in time. And then–a hero comes through and saves the day with the lion.” Keith is really Shiro’s hero. And just like he’s promised, he’ll always be there to save Shiro–as many times as it takes.

#keith #sheith #shiro #voltron #kuron #meta #long post #anonymous

1K notes · View notes

skeletorific · 7 years

Note

Heeeey, what's up! I just started following your blog and it is the best thing ever! your characterizations are A+++ on point. Anyway, have you considered the UT/UF/US/SF bros reactions to... Soulmates? like meeting them for the first time? or just being with them?(I believe your ask box is open, if not or if you just don't like this ask ignore:) Thanks for your time!

……Is it weird that I’m pretty sure this is the first request I’ve gotten for soulmate AU? Weird with how common that concept is in this fandom. Anyways for the sake of this the clearest indicator for SOULMATE is a strong buzzing sensation in your SOUL when you touch. However, Soulmates will likely be drawn to each other personally before any physical touch and quickly developed romantic feelings can be taken as an indication of at least soul compatibility, if not mate status. Also thank you so much for the compliment

UT!Sans: Honestly, always kind of assumed he was the kind of guy without a soulmate.

He’d heard others describe the feeling. A tugging, an emptiness, sometimes faint echoes of emotions you couldn’t really explain, like a magnet or a ghost pulling you towards your other half. He’d never really felt that. Well, maybe the emptiness, but he’d always chalked that up to his old pal depressive tendencies (soon to evolve into full on depression).

Not to say he was terribly disappointed. He’d seen plenty of people work out without being soulmates. Undyne and Alphys for instance. They weren’t soulmates, and they were working out just fine. Toriel and Asgore were, and look how that turned out. Soulmates wasn’t a guarantee that you’d workout as partners, or everlasting love or any of that. It just meant there was something deep inside you that resonated. Love or hate, you couldn’t be neutral towards each other, and the universe would do its best to throw you together in some capacity.

So when he’s selling hot dogs to a decent looking human on a street corner and he feels a strange buzzing in his chest as his phalanges brush yours when he hands it to you….he’s honestly not sure what his reaction is. There’s a thrill, sure, and a cold sweat, but also a strange urge to just let you walk away and never speak again.

No such luck. You felt it too, and unlike him had no context to explain it.

“Uh….sorry, kind of a magic equivalent of static electricity.” He says, pulling an explanation out of his ass.

“Oh.” There’s a pause and then something in your eyes glinted. “So is the hotdog free then?”

“….what?”

“Cause you already…charged me for it.” You burst out laughing before you even finish it. “Sorry, couldn’t resist, that was bad.”

His face slowly stretches into a crooked grin. After a few more bad jokes he asks you if you’re doing anything later.

He doesn’t bring up the Soulmate thing. Doesn’t want to put any kind of pressure on you, he knows the concept is pretty unique with humans. Not to mention he’s not sure himself where this is going. But you seem cool. Definitely got the same shitty sense of humor. Papyrus seems to like you too (he doesn’t tell him either, doesn’t need that wrench in the works).

He tells himself it’ll be fine. Just platonic friends, maybe something more, but why rush himself. But he’s falling faster than normal. Its like something inside him…..ever seen a door slightly ajar get pushed into place so the latch clicks? It feels like that. Not a big change, but something feels right that wasn’t before. The connection is simpler, and yet deeper than he’s used to having, and….he’d never forgive himself if he let this turn into another unchased possibility.

Chances are he’ll never tell you you’re soulmates. He doesn’t like how compulsory that sounds, doesn’t want you to think he only became your friend and later your partner because his magic told him to.

UT!Papyrus: He believes strongly in soulmates but is a little too paranoid about it. Any kind of strong immediate feelings (he assumes) could indicate soul compatibility, explaining his tendency to commit quickly to relationships. Soulmate spotting doesn’t come with a hard and fast list of symptoms. It hits everyone differently and young monsters grow up hearing “You’ll know it when you see it”. Frustrating, to say the least. Thus his tendency to fall hard and fast. He keeps getting disappointed, but as always, Papyrus is an indefatigable optimist.

But for as alert as he is he could never have predicted how it would hit him. He and Undyne were out walking when they saw someone’s purse being stolen. Naturally Undyne pursued, with him close behind. She cut the thief off while he came on them from behind, preventing any escape. The thief whirled on him, face meeting chest……and right where your nose brushed his Soul buzzed excitedly.

Both of you stop in surprise. You drop the bag, yelping as you clutch at your chest. What the hell?! Papyrus staggers a bit, and his eye sockets go unbelievably wide. Undyne is confused but takes advantage of the opportunity to sweep your legs and pin you to the ground. Before she can get too far though Papyrus calls out “WAIT, THAT’S MY SOULMATE!”

All three of you are struck dumb.

“What the hell, Pap, are you sure?” She lifts up your head, none too gently. “This scum?”

“E-EVIDENTLY.” He kneels down and picks up the bag, fixing you with a kind smile. “BUT IF THEY ARE MY SOULMATE THEN OBVIOUSLY THERE MUST BE SOME GOOD IN THEM!”

Naturally at first you want nothing to do with this bizarre monster, chest buzz or not. Especially after his friend made you return the purse and forced you to say you’d come see them tomorrow or Undyne would report you. You show up determined to rebuff any attempts at kindness, you just want to move on.

But slowly, he starts to wear you down. He’s too sweet to hate, and besides, he keeps the angry fish lady off your back. His brother doesn’t trust you but seems to default to his brother’s judgment.

As time goes on the relationship blossoms. Papyrus never forces you to a place relationally you’re not ready to go, but he insists that you can’t not be involved in some respect. He’s one of the few people in your life convinced you’re not a bad person. And somehow he manages to convince not only the others, but you.

Papyrus, with his infinite patience, unbeatable optimism, and genuine sweetness, slowly wins you over. You become a better person because of him. Not that he’d ever admit he did anything. “JUST BROUGHT OUT THE GOODNESS THAT WAS HIDING IN YOU ALL ALONG, DATEMATE!”

UF!Sans: Meeting your soulmate while drunk probably isn’t the ideal scenario, but given the ratio of drunk to sober days he has most weeks its not mathematically that surprising.

Unfortunately for him at the time he’s unable to distinguish the buzz in his soul when his arm slings around your waist from any of the variety of buzzes human alcohol gives a skeleton monster. Given that you’re half in the tank too you likely aren’t really aware of what’s happening either. But he likes your eyes and you’re decent company, and that pretty soft body, damn……one thing leads to another and he wakes up with a splitting headache, a naked human in his bed, and a tugging in his soul that’s becoming more noticeable the more you cuddle up to him.

Fuck.

Red’s never really been into the idea of soulmates. Namely because he doesn’t want to see whoever pairs perfectly with this dumpster fire. So he tamps the feeling down. Probably bad booze. He waits till you get up, you exchange numbers, and you’re out the door.

You hang out a few more times. Sometimes to hook up. Sometimes just to drink or get some food when you’re in the same area. They’re not officially dates, he’s certainly not going out of his way to make it romantic. But you’re funny, sexy, and fun to be around. Seem to think the same about him (for gods know what reason), so he doesn’t feel the need to justify it. The tugging and ache….well, they don’t go away. But he’s getting better at ignoring it.

Or, well, he was. He notices you pawing at your sternum until finally you break down. “Hey, look, I’m not saying its your fault, but there’s like this weird feeling in my chest whenever we hang out. Is that like a magic thing?”

“Uh…” Fuck, he’s usually a better liar but you hit him out of the blue. “Yeah, maybe.”

You’re smart enough not to buy it. You slowly start prodding him for the actual answer until he snaps and tells you. Before it can sink in he vanishes. You don’t seem him for a few days and he doesn’t answer his phone.

You: Red?

You:?

You: Look, its not……I don’t want to be rude but its not a big deal I guess?

You: If you don’t want to be with me like that or whatever

You: But you’re a great guy, be a damn shame to lose my drinking buddy over this dumb universe shit

You: so what do you say?

One hour later

Red: grillby’s tonight?

You: If you’re buying

Red: yeah, yeah, my tab

The two of you do this for months, insisting that this is fine. You’re soulmates. Its whatever. If you wanna hang out, you’re gonna hang out, it’s not because of that.

If he flirts, it’s because he does that all the time, not cause you’re soulmates.

If kisses start lasting longer, outside the context of the occasional one night stand, soft pecks when he’s dropping you off, it’s not….it’s not because of that.

At some point the lines between a relationship and friends with benefits slowly blur into each other faster and faster until you’re officially partners. It’s only then that you start to realize…..shit, guess this soulmate junk may have something to it.

UF!Papyrus: You don’t know what you totally expected when you went out shopping that day. But it definitely didn’t include brushing by two skeletons, feeling a weird thrill in the center of your chest, and having the taller one turn around and shriek “YOU?!?!”

Edge believes in soulmates too. But he’s got something very specific in mind. Someone who will follow orders, keep their space clean, shower him with kisses RESPECT and who’ll help him keep Sans’ ass in line. So coming across a random stranger in the mall and boom, that’s your soulmate?!?!?! Not allowed. Unacceptable.

Alright, alright, he can work with this. He chases you down, and if he somehow manages not to scare you off in the first five seconds of charging towards you your number is demanded requested and you are ordered to show up at his house first thing tomorrow morning.

You don’t know why you’re playing along, but….soulmates, huh? You’d never really thought it was a thing, but that buzz in your chest. That was definitely real. And there’s something charming about his overblown bluster, in a cartoon villain kind of way. You do it. You show up at his house. No one seems more surprised than his brother.

Naturally you’re going to fall short of at least a couple of his standards. You’re only human. He’s furious. How could you possibly be the soulmate of the Great and Terrible Papyrus. In the end he’s not that great at hiding his displeasure, and you storm out after telling him off. Some soulmate, this asshole Pygmalion Project douchebag is supposed to be someone you can resonate with??? Damn, the universe must hate you. For his part he claims its far more convenient that you go, but he can’t help but feel a pang of regret as he watches your retreating form.

You see each other around a bit. You refuse to change stores just because you might see him, but try to avoid him whenever you encounter him. He doesn’t approach you for weeks, but there’s something stirring within him. For the first time he’s feeling…..guilty? N-Nonsense! He never regrets his actions. Only rethinks his strategy!

And currently that strategic rethinking involves paying for your groceries by slipping the cashier some cash when he’s ahead of you in line. Leaving anonymous flowers outside your doorstep. Telling off someone who was getting a little too close for comfort and disappearing before you could…..thank him? Confront him? You aren’t sure.

Finally you steal your nerve and go to talk to him. You do have the address at least. You end up having a lengthy, extremely awkward conversation, in which he comes (and you’re not sure of this) extremely close to an apology. Red is still picking his jaw up off the floor.

Edge gave up on the idea of a romantic relationship after that first night. But maybe….maybe you could be friends. It’s not easy. Nothing with Boss ever is. But that soulmate quality exists for a reason. You find you empathize with his need for control, with his drive and his emphasis on holding himself together. You understand him in a way you haven’t understood many people. He finds you balance him out, and challenge him in a way he isn’t used to being challenged. He can’t get away with his usual bullshit with you. When he crosses the line you stand toe to toe with him and let him know. And while it’s infuriating…..it’s strangely intriguing. You get away with shit Red wouldn’t in a million years. Seriously, how the hell are you doing that?

Whether or not it progresses into a romantic relationship is kind of up to you, but at some point Edge will want to. Maybe his soulmate wasn’t how he pictured, how he wanted. But…..he can’t imagine it being any other way.

US!Sans: Just another night at the club. The only thing (at first) separating that night from any other was that your dance partner was a skeleton. Not your usual fare, but he had a sweet face and had asked you so excitedly that you couldn’t turn him down. He was a good dancer, very energetic, almost running you into the ground with his quick pace. Every touch is gentle, non-intrusive, yet sparks with…something, magic maybe? Either way, it feels good, making the color in your cheeks rise.

As the song comes to an end he straight up dips you down, panting a bit with the energy expended, and as his eyelights meet yours….Both of you feel a buzzing sensation that surprises him so much he drops you.

Sans apologizes profusely and helps you to your feet, then asks you if you want to come home with him. You hesitate, you’re normally not the type to go home with strange guys, but something in the look on his face and the powder blue flush on his cheeks (though stars know how a skeleton does that)……you feel like you can trust him. You agree and take an awkwardly silent walk home with him. He seems more excited than before, and keeps looking at you like he wants to say something but holds it back.

His home is a small but clean one story a few blocks away. On the couch is another skeleton in an orange hoodie, smoking a cigarette that is hastily put out and stowed when you come in. He raises a brow at your presence but doesn’t question it, trading some banalities with Sans. Seems their brothers. He clears out pretty quickly and Sans guides you to the couch.

He explains the buzzing. You’re soulmates. On some fundamental level, compatible. Made for each other, in a way. His eyelights are shining brighter and you swear you can see the outline of tiny stars in the center as he tells you he’s been looking for his for a very long time, and he can’t believe it was someone as pretty as you!

His enthusiasm is catching, and in the end you’re swept up in it. He takes you home and chastely pecks your cheek before running off into the night, practically beaming. You start dating regularly. Sans is almost….overwhelming in his perfection. He’s enthusiastic, kind, sweet, affectionate, solid, honest, and completely infatuated with you.

And that, in a way, is the problem. Sans is already in love with you, but doesn’t know every side of you. While he never brings up anything that disappoints him, you can’t help but feel he fell in love with the idea of you before bothering to get to know you as a person. Not to mention things are moving way too fast. Sure, maybe you’re soulmates, but everything in you is screaming that you can’t be fixing yourself this firmly to a guy that, from a time perspective, you barely know.

Finally you have to end it. It breaks his heart, but you convince him to settle for being friends, for now at least. Someday maybe you’ll be ready for the type of closeness, but for now, you want to spend some time getting to know each other. And though you’re cautious, you find you’re not disappointed in what you find.

US!Papyrus: Stretch sighed and resisted the urge to reach for the cigarettes in his pocket. They didn’t allow smoking in this place. One of the only downsides about living on the Surface, everything was catered to delicate human lungs. They didn’t allow outside food either so he didn’t have a lollipop to fall back on. He was this close to giving in and chewing on one of the toothpicks just to get something in his mouth but he hated when wood slivers fell in his mouth.

Only about an hour left in this thing, and he was seriously looking forward to it being over. Speed dating hadn’t sounded awful honestly. Blue and Tale (he never did feel comfortable calling him Papyrus in his head) had been coming to this place almost every time the restaurant held an event. They seemed to take it as a speed round on making friends. Most of the time they didn’t even end up with an actual romantic date out of it, just another dinner guest for Spaghetti Taco night. They’d been trying to get him and Classic to go for weeks. Classic had made his excuses but Stretch had been….kind of curious. He liked flirting, he liked food being paid for by people not him (Blue and Tale had footed the bill), and with the seven minute thing at least the creepier ones couldn’t stick around too long.

Still, he was reaching his limit. Kind of hard to get past the “Hi, my name is” stage in seven minutes into anything actually fun. Not to mention he was tired. Still, Blue and Tale showed no signs of flagging and he was their ride, so he had a feeling he was in this till the end.

New partner. You sat down across from him. You looked a bit shy, which he guessed was fairly endearing. Cute enough.

“Hey P-” you started a bit. “Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you were….” your eyes skirted to Tale.

“ ‘saright.” he says. Not the first time that had happened tonight. “People say we could be twins. Name’s Stretch, ‘m Blue’s brother.”

“I’m really sorry, that kind of came off…..racist, I guess? Speciesist? Whatever it is when you imply all skeletons look alike.”

He snickered. “Hey, what’s that saying you humans got? No matter what we’re all flesh and bone underneath. We just skipped the first part.”

You chuckle. “Something like that, I guess.” You told him your name.

“Regular, I’m guessing? You seem to know Paps.”

“Sort of. I’ve been a couple of times when my apartment feels too empty for the eighth night in a row.” You pause. “Sorry, wow that sounds depressing.”

“Nah.Sounds about like my weekends when Blue’s out somewhere.” He leaned back in his chair.

“Anxiety, depression, or just a shut-in?”

“Hmm, mostly the first but hey, the second pulls its weight.”

“I’m the first with the third thrown in for shits and giggles.”

“Well, we’re well-rounded at least.” He pulled a hoodie string in his mouth and started chewing.

“At least.” You chuckle.

“….so not to be rude but that’s kind of upfront for a seven minute encounter.”

You passed a hand over your forehead. “Yeah, you’re right. Sorry, I’ve been trying to sell myself all night and I think I’m….I don’t know.”

“Reachin your burn out point.” He leaned forward, propping his elbows on the table. “Don’t worry about it, me too. I don’t mind talking, but if you want we can just sit back, check our phones, get some silence if you want. Sound okay?”

The waiter brought in fresh drinks and you smiled. “Well, I’ll toast to that.”

He chuckled. As you both reached for your drinks your fingertips briefly brushed his hand….and suddenly it was like static electricity, straight to the chest. You were startled a bit but Stretch nearly fell out of his chair.

You….you were…..

Looks like not talking wasn’t gonna be an option.

He runs you down on what’s happening, both of you stubbornly refusing to move from your seats during changeover. When finally the staff tells you you have to he grabs your hand and takes you out back, running you through what just happened. And for once the skeleton with the most chill is looking unbelievably stressed, lighting up a cig as soon as you’re outside the no smoking area.

Soulmates? The very idea is terrifying to him. Talk about fuckin pressure…..he can’t handle this, not after a long night. You exchange numbers and agree to meet up later.

The next few weeks are a roller coaster of Stretch’s wavering commitment levels. Sometimes he’ll ghost on you with no explanation, only to show up on your doorstep with an awkward apology. He takes you for a date but looks like he wants to die through most of it, but then you come over to his place for dinner and he loops an arm around your shoulder. You can never tell which version of him is coming over, and to be honest he feels guilty as hell about it. You’re a good person, hell, he could actually picture himself being friends, even dating you even without the soulmate thing, but that weird spiritual significance the bond adds to the whole thing just takes him places mentally he doesn’t want to be. He has a lot of internalized expectations for how soulmates are supposed to act and doesn’t really feel up to any of them.

Assuming you don’t ditch him during those mercurial few months things do settle down. He starts approaching it like any other relationship, with the same casual savoir-faire. He decides to take the soul bond as more of an added bonus than a bar-setter, and it helps his approach. He’s a good partner, casual and funny, but dedicated.

SF!Sans: You were storming down the stairs of your apartment building as the deafening alarm bells rang, absolutely pissed. You had three projects to finish by the end of the week and the last thing you needed was YET ANOTHER fire alarm. Especially when nothing appeared to be in flames.

You joined the small cluster of your fellow building mates, hugging your sweatshirt against the chill evening air. You walked among them, trying to piece together from various conversation who the hell deprived you of precious.minutes of work.

“Did you see anything?”

“Kitchen fire-”

“Maybe, but who-”

“Fucking asshole-”

“Look, Chief, all I’m sayin is if smoke’s pouring out of the oven, turn it off.” You pause. Bingo.

“I WILL DO NO SUCH THING! THE SMOKE IS WHAT GIVES MY BURRITOS THEIR DISTINCTIVE FLAVOR!” Its the two skeleton monsters you’d seen around a few times. The shorter one was the one yelling, while the taller one looked exhausted and mildly annoyed.

“Look, all ‘m sayin is the firefighters are getting pretty pissed off about having to come back so often. Not to mention stoves are expensive.”

“THOSE FIREFIGHTERS SHOULD LEARN SOME RESPECT FOR THE CULINARY ARTS.”

You’d heard enough. Stomping slightly and eyes blazing, you walked up to them and tapped the shorter one on the shoulder. He whirled on you. “WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?”

“Hi, excuse me, don’t mean to intrude, but what the FUCK is your damage.”

He looks stunned, for a moment too much so to speak, and his brother is shooting daggers at you but frankly you’re too pissed to care.

“Can you fucking control your damn stove so that I don’t have to tromp my ass out here GODS KNOW how many fucking times this week?! Some of us have work to do that isn’t setting food on fire and you’re getting. In. the fucking. Way.”

He found his tongue. “HOW DARE YOU-”

“I’m just saying, dude, after the fifth time maybe you’d get a clue!”

“Hey, back off.” The taller one said, looking at you with a dangerous eye.

You pointed an accusing finger at the other’s chest. “So get. Your shit. Toge-” Your finger had jabbed his chest at that point and suddenly a buzz erupted in your chest. You reacted instinctively and backed off, yelping a bit. The other felt something too and collapsed to a knee.

“Chief?!” The taller one knelt down beside him. “Sans, you okay?”

He was breathing hard for a minute and he looked up at you with a bizarrely intense face. “…..I’M FINE.”

“Sans-”

“I’M FINE!” He jerked his shoulders out of his brother’s grip and got to his feet. “COME ON, THEY’VE TURNED OFF THE ALARMS.” He walked away. The taller one shot you a dirty look before following.

……What the hell?

Somehow you managed to get the work done. There are no other fire alarm issues. You’re celebrating with a tired glass of wine a few days later when there’s a knock at the door. When you open it, there’s nothing but a plate of burritos there. What the- You flash back to the conversation. Is this….his way of apologizing? Maybe. You’re never one to turn down food and with the high from getting your work done you’re less inclined to be pissed with him, so you take it in and sample it.

Oh gods. If this is how his cooking usually is you can understand why smoke might help. At least it might mask some of the other flavors.

He keeps leaving burritos outside your room and you don’t have the heart to turn them down, but you can’t stand dumping food this much, so finally you show up outside his door and offer to show him a new method. His brother is shooting you dirty looks and he’s very resistant to most changes you suggest, but in the end you manage to churn up something, if not exactly tasty, at least approaching edible. Despite being stubborn and bossy, you kind of find yourself enjoying it. He’s got a sort of charm to him, and definitely has a lot of passion. Somehow he manages to convince you to stop by for dinner sometime.

Blood never tells you you’re soulmates. It sounds….gross and sappy and romantic and NOOOOOO. But he slowly works his way into your favors, toning down his aggressiveness a bit. He surprisingly smoothly transitions you into dating, and before you quite know what’s happening you’re having your first kiss outside your apartment door with the guy who keeps setting off the damn alarm. And somehow….you wouldn’t want it any other way.

(Oh, and Syrup does eventually forgive you).

SF!Papyrus: Last delivery of the night, and you’d finally be off. Least it was this place. You’d delivered enough late night takeout to know the guy tipped well. You knocked.

The door opened, revealing Syrup’s lanky form. “Hey kid.”

“Hey, dude.” You forked over the takeout. “Usual. Your bro not cooking tonight?”

“Staying the night with a friend. On my own for tonight.”

“Ah, explains the smell.” You say, indicating the faint fumes of weed wafting from the living room.

“Our little secret, sweetheart.” He winked.

You grinned faintly. Syrup was just enough of a casual flirt that you always kind of looked forward to him popping up on your route.

“How much do I owe ya.”

“$12.17.” You say, pulling the fanny pack with your change in it to your front. “Though I swear we should put this one on the house, you’re practically keeping us in business.”

“Not sure if that’s a reflection on me or the restaurant.” He handed you a twenty. You started counting out the change but he shook his head. “Keep it.”

“Dude, no, 7 bucks is way too much.”

“Hey, don’t argue, I’m a customer and the customer’s always right, right?”

“Come on, man, at least take some of it back, I feel guilty.” You press into his hand before he can protest again. The bones feel odd against your skin. Coming down to it, this may have been the first time you’d touched him instead of just handing items across…..You only have a second to contemplate this before there’s a thrill in your chest like an electric shock. Seems he felt it too: he yelped, jerking his hand back as the change fell to the floor, scattering coins.

Both of you pant a bit, cradling your hands. The buzzing stays, but is less intense. More like a faint vibration.

“What….what the hell….?” you say, finally looking from your hand to Syrup, only to find him staring at you with a dumbfounded expression. “….Syrup.”

“Uh….yeah.” He knelt to the ground, ducking his face a bit as he collects the dropped cash. “Just….just a stray magic burst. Sorry, happens sometimes.” He stands up and puts the change back to you, still avoiding your eyes. “Shouldn’t be any long term effects.”

“Um….are you okay?”

“What?” His eyelights finally dart up to hold yours, only to look away as he places a hand on the door. “Yeah, fine. Just baked. I’ll see ya later, maybe.” He closed the door before you could say another word.

Behind the door he has a minor crisis. Fuck. He’d gone this long without a soulmate, he’d just kind of assumed he didn’t have one. Now he has one, and its you, the human he’d been casually moving in on for a while now…..fuck, he’s not nearly baked enough for this shit.

Syrup’s not half bad at getting laid but a committed relationship? His confidence goes out the fucking window. Not to mention thanks to dedicating himself to looking after Sans he barely has the time (never mind that since he’s hit the surface Sans needs less looking after than he used to). What….what the hell is he supposed to do?

In the end, nothing. The next few times you deliver, he’s not rude exactly, but compared to every other encounter he’s extremely terse and withdrawn. After a while he finds he can’t resist getting back into playful banter, but he’s shyer, less likely to flirt. What the hell’s the point of getting attached. And yeah, he sees the irony.

Blood finds out, of course. Syrup’s never been much good at keeping things from his brother and after watching him mope around for an hour whenever you drop off food he puts the pieces together. He tells him to suck it up and just ask you out and keeps badgering him until Syrup finally lets it go that you’re soulmates. That seems to get him to back off…..until the next time you drop off food and he just lets you walk away.

Just as you’re about to exit the building you hear Sans barking after you. “HUMAN!”

You turn around to see him dragging his brother forward by his shirt collar, forcing the taller to bend down so he could keep up. It was almost funny. There was an orange tint to his skull that keeps getting stronger the closer they get to you and he’s mumbling protests up until Sans throws him in front of you.

“YOU AND MY BROTHER ARE SOULMATES.” Sans says irritatedly, giving you a terse rundown of what he is. “SO CAN YOU JUST TAKE HIM OUT ALREADY SO I CAN STOP DEALING WITH HIS SULKING?” And before either of you can say anything, he’s stormed off back to the apartment.

#honestly this was probably way longer than what you were expecting but I CAN'T RESIST THE MEET CUTE #undertale #underfell #underswap #swapfell #sans #papyrus #uf!sans #uf!papyrus #us!sans #us!papyrus #sf!sans #sf!papyrus #soulmates #headcanon #long post #this took so long please help #this is a hearty flangst steak right here

392 notes · View notes