#I can cook food just fine
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it’s cook or be cooked and I have just found out that I am an awful chef
#I can cook food just fine#but holy crap my finals are cooking me so hard#it’s joever#genuinely not recovering from this#finals season#stem#university
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what can Bella Swan actually cook?
armed with LegalTM pdfs, control f, and my theory that Bella doesn't actually like cooking she was just written by a mormon housewife, I have determined every specifically named meal Bella cooks in the Twilight Saga!
In summary:
15 total named meals (7 in Twilight, 3 each in New Moon/Eclipse, and 2 in Breaking Dawn)
13 unique meals (lasagna & fried chicken repeat across books)
Presumably she's also cooking literally every other day (when they aren't ordering pizza, which is apparently the only takeout Charlie ever gets), but it's not relevant to her narrative.
my main conclusion is that she eats way too much cereal, but for the purposes of this i've decided that cereal doesn't count as cooking.
Bella Swan canonically knows how to cook:
Twilight:
Steak and potatoes, plus salad (pg 15)
White people enchiladas (p.36)
Fish (marinated), with “salad and bread left over from the night before” (p.68)
Cold-cut sandwiches (p.70)
Grilled cheese (with tomato) (p.111)
Lasagna (p.118)
Fish, using Harry Clearwater’s fish fry (p.169)
New Moon:
Fried chicken (p.70)
Lasagna (p.82)
Casserole (p.197)
Eclipse:
Spaghetti, (rescued from Charlie)
Grandma Swan’s stroganoff recipe (p.29)
Hamburger (p.43)
Breaking Dawn:
Sunny-side up eggs (p.75)
Damn rancid chicken Fried chicken (p.80)
#my meta#bella swan#so i guess she can cook but uh...#this is. very boring. lmao#at one point she says that renee likes to 'experiment' and sometimes it's inedible...#DO YOU MEAN RENEE MAKES FOOD WITH FLAVOR#BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE THAT JUST MEANS RENEE MAKES FOOD WITH FLAVOR.#sorry not to be a renee apologist in the tags#but also this specific search made me SO MAD at charlie so#eclipse is really the worst book. character assassination for EVERYONE#also oh my god she eats so much cereal#you guys? you guys#are there people out there who eat that much cereal???#that can't be good for you!!!#she eats cereal every day!!!#except for the first when charlie makes her bacon and eggs and she asks to take over the cooking#bella!!!#i think she must not like eggs#(ignoring how many she eats in breaking dawn shh it's fine)#page numbers are all from my pdfs but hopefully they at least kinda map onto the actual books
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#polls#if I have to do laundry it’s all over for me and I can’t make simple cakes without spending ages staring at instructions.#cooking without a plan or recipe and washing dishes are nothing to me I can just do that and it’s fine#food#chores
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Sworgrader Chapter 3 is out! I think we'll be looking at one chapter every 3 months.. but personally I'm a little more enticed after this chapter!
I was very surprised at the new guest we'll meet next time!
#brave universe sworgrader#there are 3 people posting about this on here. its fine#anyway semi spoilers in my ranting or if u saw me on twitter but-#i am soooo obsessed with sworg and like. a lot of the concepts they layed out here. its so funny#i knew id love the food truck robot but he has his own KITCHEN in his CHEST and anyway i need sworgs asmr eating channel#can we get a cooking game with sworg. next cooking mama#but my usual complaints of the series still stand with the moe-ified women and the multiverse braves just feels like a quick nostalgia grab#and not much happens over the course of one comic either.. hopefully that changes but at least the main character is silly. i will make do
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ate some strawberry yoplait and my mouth isn't swelling up so either yoplait uses fake ass strawberry chunks or my allergy was maybe temporary? Or maybe I'm just not allergic to THESE strawberries. will have to conduct more experiments. but first I think I want to experiment with eggs again because I'd kill for a breakfast burrito
#i know that strawberries can trigger mast cell instability and cause an allergic reaction that isnt the same as like#someone being normally allergic to peanuts or something#And it comes and goes#And there are theories that one of my other conditions is caused by a minor form of MCAS so I'm already possibly predisposed to that#Idk man strawberries are weird#In case anyone was ever wondering though Starburst uses real strawberry juice in their strawberry flavored starburst#skittles does not.#As for eggs i am allergic to egg yolk but only in the cooked form of normal egg#I can have it baked into foods just fine I just can't eat like. Scrambled eggd
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#Jesus fucking Christ#why do some people just. not see the mess they’re making and acknowledge that it’s their responsibility to clean up after themselves??#like. you throw your shoes in the entrance exactly where people walk. you let shared loafers stand outside for several hours#you cook the most simple dinner that one time you cook (mind you the other people have equal shares of making food)#and yet you don’t even manage to clean up after neither the cooking NOR taking the food off the table into the fridge so it doesn’t turn bad#you keep on taking the most easy solution that fits you the best without thinking about others. in a space where we all are exhausted#and I’m so done with it for now tbh. how lazy to not care about the bare necessities for others. how rude to admit to it#AND on top of this. you’ll tell stuff about your country that’s *objectively horrifying* and then add on to that that you love your country#it’s just. so many things. are so so so much of what I’d avoid in a person. a few things is fine. no one’s perfect. but damn there’s a limit#SORRY to anyone who’s read this far but I just. had to get it out#this guy is the one I’m working the closest with these two and a half weeks. hes still a kid kind of. I’m not gonna be mean to him#but damn. my patience. is being tested#AHHH I might delete this tbh. I don’t like showing this side of myself. I don’t want to spread this kind of negativity#I’m just so very frustrated. how a human person can come to this place and be here for SO LONG already#and still not have learnt the basics of living and working together#own post#oh. and all the triggering of intrusive thoughts is not helping your case buddy#(which you can’t really know about so it’s kinda fair but also it’s for bad hygiene stuff mostly and that’s. I mean…..)
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My parents: why does no-one eat the leftovers we have so much
The leftovers: *the grossest most white person bland food imaginable. Inedible. Looks vaugely like throw up.*
#im not even exaggerating i think i need to either take their crock pot away or the rice. either way this food is inedible.#my dad can cook fine actually its just my step mom#but he works late so he cant cook often.#my step mom on the other hand.... they have a few good things that they can cook#and the rest is horrific mush. nobody wants to eat it. we eat it for dinner once (trying not to cry and eat the littlest amount.)#but we cant bring ourselves to eat the leftovers.#we also cant bring ourselves to tell them to stop cooking because dear god.#so me and my younger sibling who both can cook often volunteer to cook for the family.#but my step mom puts rice in a pressure pot and ruins it turns it to gruel or smth.#like... that is NOT chicken and rice that is a SIN
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I hate my life. So much. I’m gonna have to take my retirement out if I want to make it through until I get another job. If I keep skimping on groceries I’m only going to get sicker and then I won’t have the energy to find a better job and I’ll have to take it out anyway so like. I should probably start that process now and not get more behind and actually give myself room to feel well. This fucking sucks.
#faer personal files#everything fucking hurts. I’m so sick of my body and I’m sick of this place.#my worry has been that I won’t be able to handle the temptation to get silly with the extra cash but like. I’m a grown up.#I didn’t get silly with my tax return except for planned purchases. I can handle this just fine. I need to stop treating myself like a baby#I have decent impulse control and I need nutritious groceries I can actually eat for fuck’s sake#my roommates have also quietly stopped sharing dinner when they make it so I’ve had to up the grocery budget#they could’ve just said something instead of putting onions in EVERYTHING jfc. and I don’t ask for food unless they offer to share anyway#it didn’t need to be a whole thing I get that I’ve been doing an unequal share of cooking since I’ve been sicker they don’t have to feed me#this weather has been fucking brutal I just haven’t had the coordination to use the fucking stove#it’s embarrassing#sorry for talking out my financial decisions on my blog sometimes I just need to say things out loud
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idk. picky eater rights. im coming to your events and turning my picky bitch nose up at your fancy ass desserts you spent a bajillion hours working over in the kitchen and asking if i can find like a basic ass brownie with no extra flairs or ingredients or steps or whatever the fuck. cry about it. stop trying to feed me
#toy txt post#they gotta have some picky eater bitches be the judges on those food competition shows i stg#sorry for committing the unforgivable sin of my tastebuds didnt enjoy the food you made. it was intended as a personal slight actually#i am trying to offend you for real. yeah. thats definitely whats happening. god/sssss#like god irl if i dont like food you made ill try to be fuckin gracious about it buf dont fucking get mad at me for like. idk. prepping my#own foods you percieve as worth less or whatever the fuck. ppl are so fucking weird about food.#honestly guy on prev post didnt even dislike the cake it sounded like but was just experiencing the human emotion of disappointment#when the little specific joy he was looking forward too was not what he expected. if she had asked him 'do you mind if i make a similar cake#that is not the exact same as the one you asked for? maybe he wouldve been fine cos he wouldnt have been looking forward to that specific#thing. OR maybe he wouldve said if youre not going to make this very specific one im looking forward to then dont bother i dont want you#wasting the time and effort and then she wouldnt have been mad. or maybe she wouldve. ppl do get weird about that kind of thing#maybe saying that wouldve been a crime too. guess that dumb asshole shouldve shut up and eaten his stupid cake and enjoyed it and said#nothing. a recipe for happiness#anyway. hot take ig stop putting nuts in desserts. alllergy havers will prolly thank you but you know who else will thank you?#every day i see takes about food that make me think i really should be more of a picky bitch eater on maim to knock yall pretentious#food fuckers down a peg tbh. every day i resist the urge but god how yall test me. let me be the judge on a cooking show.#weird assholes who are rude abt ppl having allergies or sensory issues: come here. im going to break you#anyway more of us picky bitches who are picky just for like. casual reasons. we should he loud picky bitches on main. if a cook or baker or#whatever can accommodate my picky bitch ass thats difficult to feed for no reason we can be sure they can accommodate allergy havers#and ppl w medical restricted diets. if they can be gracious about me just not vibing w the food then they can def be gracious about more#sensitive reasons. yea i could choke down the food i dont like probably. it wouldnt make me throw up or send me to the hospital. but why#should i? if youre an asshole to me about simply not liking your shit then why the hell would i feel safe disclosing medical info to your#bitch ass? why would i trust you to follow it? and not try to sneak some shit in bc you think you know better about food?#anyway#picky eater rights. let ppl be picky for no apparent reason. cos the ppl who have uwu Good Valid Reasons(tm) dont fucking owe you that#explanation
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could a more perfect man exist
#i love him so fucking much#he helped me cook pasta over the phone and was so sweet about it the whole time and he’s so silly :((((#pasta with seasoned marinara and parmesan cheese is fine dining in this house considering everything is expired ir we dont have it#no bread no eggs no tortillas nothing i could throw some cheese on and call a meal#we had spaghettios totinos pizza lettuce cheese and canned beans#i try not to make anything i dont know for sure i can make bc im bad at cooking#or we just. dont have the ingredients#most of the time we just dont have the ingredients to make things bc my mom is My Mom and kinda shit at feeding us#so i never learned how to cook beyond the basics#but he was so sweet and helped me make pasta#he said im gonna get fat in the future when we live together because we’ll have good food and snacks and shit#i always feel bad when he comes over and we dont have food bc im used to just looking at the stock and realizing its either disgusting#expired or Lettuce so i just. dont eat. but i dont wanna do that to him#and he’s jsut#djnejrbskdbsjhks :((((#i love my boyfriend#dear diary
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tonight i am walking the strut of "that bitch who put all her sheets through the wash" which i understand isnt really an earthshattering achievement but if it keeps me on top i will take it
#i am in an neverending wrestling match with like five different mes#and each of them is just a separate household need or chore#so i get out here and assign myself a bubble bath like i am a militant toddler#my hair is in a nonstop horrible state (more than usual) simply because of this#cause like idk good god for someone who Has a Job every single one of my things from cooking a meal to taking a shower to doing my laundry#to vacuuming my room. to sending emails. to filling out paperwork. to everything#is like ok we are going to dedicate a signifcant amount of mental energy to ensuring this task is accomplished#and while this is fine for larger irregular tasks of high importance#anything persistent and of love incident-specific importance can just. get skipped#i forced myself to take extra long for lunch today cause i cant stop skipping it! not because i have food issues or something. it's just...#the last thing i want to be doing. and i dont care about myself enough to bother getting it done at times
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well I just finished konya sukiyaki dayo and I am openly weeping with joy
#I question the realism of Tomoko continuing to afford that apartment on her own but if she lived further away it would be sad#bc she'd really be living alone again. Unlike this same building situation where it kinda just feels like one family in two apartments#also we never did get more focus on shinta. It's perfectly fine without it but also c'mon give my guy an episode in the spotlight#I love him#love love LOVE Yuki getting into cooking!!!!!! I hope he and Tomoko start to cook together!!!#lol I hope Aiko never really learns to cook but she's surrounded by her family who can and so never has to#when they're really busy she'll make them onigiri. I imagine it will improve slightly and be a comfort food for Miyu one day#sorry I would've written this all in the main post if I realized I was gonna go on so long. Ah well too late now in the tags it shall stay#konya sukiyaki dayo#I still wonder about my '3 bedroom house' (or now with Miyu in an ideal world 4 but 3 would work) solution...#if that would be a good idea or not
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#annual physical tomorrow. getting slightly defensive in advance for when they ask me how i eat and exercise#and i say 'im vegetarian and i cook almost all my meals at home and don't eat fast food and get a lot of vegetables and protein'#'and i currently exercise at least some every day. often a solid hour or more of intense exercise at least a few times a week.#i bike to get around and i rock climb and hike and lift weights and run/jog and sometimes swim. i get typically 10+ hrs of exercise per wee#i can run 5 miles without issue if my ankle doesn't bother me. biking 30+ is no problem. '#and the doctor looks shocked and replies with some variant of 'so why are you overweight'#which is about what happened last time.#for the sake of the scenario playing in my head i am playing the soundbite 'got chub from eating too much PUSSSYYYYY' to break the cycle.#'are there any health goals you want regarding ur weight' 'yeah a fatter ass and hella thighs'#idk. mind ur manners. at least do your best not to act surprised.#and like. i am only slightly overweight and i do have the athleticism to say 'and what about it' and i just.#this is the most benign version of that response. i wish better for everyone else who gets some variation of it#not that ANYONE asked but i am 50 lbs heavier than i was when my mom tried to control my weight as a teen#and im fine. that's fine. it is not unhealthy.
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Literally every piece of cookware/dish that has ever been devised in the history of mankind: You can wash me with soap and water!
Cast iron skillet: tehe 🤭 soap and water? I guess that's fine if you like your steak rusty haha 🙈 I can only be washed with salt and oil and lemon and spit or I will immediately die haha so just spit on me okay spit on me and make me clean, mommy 🤗🥵😏💦👅👅👅
Me:
#original#and that is why (despite red meat being the only food i really excel at when cooking) i will never own another cast iron skillet#trick cookware that's what it is!#tryin to trick The Old Jack at his own game!!! the game of LIFE!!!! 😤😤😤#cast iron skillet#cooking#if it can't be put in the dishwasher then it's not meant for food or for this family#I don't agree with a lot of things my mother taught me growing up but I agreed with that as a child and I stand by it more than ever XD#I don't care at all if other people have them. I don't have to wash those.#mom has also always insisted on never owning dishes that can't go in the microwave#and with the exception of her fine china this was pretty much always the case. I don't have china i have no exceptions#the day i buy china is the day i am rich and out of things to spend money on it is just not a thing that i care for personally#do other places call all expensive sets of dishware china? as far as i can tell that is how my fam uses it#china plates are like. the special occasion fancy plates.#I just looked it up and it turns out china plates are made of something called bone china which is made using bones#or sometimes it's just porcelain#anyway my point is all my fuckin plates are paper or plastic cause i got no class and even less coordination!#i think that was my point lol. it doesn't matter#shitpost
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i feel like i have rly strict boundaries w ppl eating my food but i feel like i shouldn't but i like . recovered from an ED and i hate having my food messed w / having less food than i thought but i feel like i shouldn't care/just get over it
#like imagine u rly care for smn but their house is kind of far so whenever u go there u stay for a few days#but they have nothing in their pantry to actually make a meal w except like. eggs and bread or smth#and they dont cook for u . but u cook for them all the time when they come over#and you are aware that due to this issue of like . never having food at their house they are often hungry#note : the food thing is less financial strain and more energy/they dont have the willpower to like. buy stuff to cook w ig ? but they also#dont order takeout so they just eat like. bread. and peanut butter. and eggs.#but anyway so ur like ok im gonna bring my own food this time so u do. they know abt ur ed thing. and u tell them youre hungry when#ur at their place so you brought this food for yourself. u are aware eggs and bread cut it for them and they feel full#but u are low on energy a lot bc ur not actually having a nutritionally balanced meal etc etc. anyway so as soon as u get ur food out they#start eating...ur food. and ur like . ok 😃 . like they dont rly ask they just grab a fork and they start eating#and ur like its fine theyre hungry they can have it . but u brought enough food for like a few days and now u have enough for like#1.5 days maybe. so u tell them..i feel like i miscommunicated but the food was...for me...sorry...but u feel HORRIBLE and guilty abt it#and then theyre like ok . and then they keep having ur food#and ur like#ok#:D anyway u made an extra bowl of the food and froze it for urself for when u get back home#bc u suspect u wouldnt have energy to cook . but u end up inviting them and they come along. and on the way#ur like i understand u were hungry but i made the food for myself so next time ig i can make 2 ppls worth of food so i wont have to like#worry abt skipping meals n stuff so much when im over at ur place . and theyre like. ok#and then u get homr. and then#they ask for that last bowl of the same food that u made for uself . and ur like 🫠 okkkk#obviously u give it to them but its like . oh my goddd pls just let me eat my own food i am HUNGRY TOO#and i made it for myself !!!!#but i dont want to be selfish and i rly rly dont want anyone to be hungry bc ik what it feels like and i hate HATE seeing ppl i love be#hungry but it feels like over this week theyve crossed this boundary like 3 times but its like#what if i fuck stuff up by telling them. theyre literally at ur place too w lots of ingredients u could have just made smth for them but#they chose that specific meal u made for urself for after u got back which is the same meal u made like 4 bowls of for when u were at their#place and its like . AUGHHSHDHDH
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Started reading dungeon meshi and I genuinely have not been this invested in a manga in so long (or piece of media in general that wasn't related to Sonic in some way) I'm having the time of my life here
#ramblings#it's so good#the art is consistently good#the pace of the story feels just right so far#and all of the food looks so good it makes me wish fantasy monsters were real just so we could cook them#it's got me craving food made of stuff that doesn't even exist. how is that possible#also i haven't noticed anything fanservice-y so far which is SO refreshing like you don't even know#like i swear if i see anything with an anime style i can say with 99.99% certainty that either women or kids are sexualized#sometimes both. actually a lot of the time#i can just follow these characters and focus on their quest to save falin without being taken out of it by fanservice it's great#.. hope i'm not jinxing myself by saying all that lmao#idk i'm a good ways in and it still seems fine so i probably don't have anything to worry abt#anyways i wanna eat the treasure bugs
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