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exploring-the-cosmos · 3 months ago

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I would like to put forth my idea for how I would like Eddie's coming out and feelings confession for Buck to go. I am a little torn on whether I want the feelings confession/Buddie getting together to happen this season— only because I worry we'll get it at the very end and miss out on early relationship development between them in a time skip for S9. I think I'd be fine with it eventually if that's what we end up getting bc Buddie being canon at all is important to me, but I would hate to not see how they handle everything after they get together. Regardless, I would love to see them do this:

I want Eddie to get his gay realization and/or acceptance and feelings realization while in El Paso. I want Eddie and Chris to come back home to LA after figuring everything out, and I want Eddie to eventually have that one-on-one coming out conversation with Buck like they did in S7. I want Buck to be visibly shaken by this information, internally having the biggest freak-out of his life because holy shit Eddie isn't straight before he composes himself. Because this moment isn't about him, it's about Eddie. He apologizes for his reaction— because of course Eddie noticed and seemed to have a brief moment of panic himself— and reassures him that he was just surprised. Maybe Buck asks him what happened in El Paso to make him realize or Eddie himself offers up that information. Maybe he met or befriended someone while he was in Texas and they got to talking one night about their relationships. Maybe this person is gay, and, like Eddie, had repressed their sexuality for a long, long time before realizing that they had fallen in love with their best friend (and maybe Eddie leaves this little detail out because in the process of talking through this persons' relationship with their friend, Eddie realizes just how similar it is to his and Buck's relationship and he isn't ready to share that). He tells Buck about how the conversation got him thinking about his past relationships with women and why they never seemed to work out. By the end of it, he realized it was because he didn't really want to be with women at all. Maybe he even realized he had a close friend as a kid, a boy, who his feelings for went beyond platonic. Buck's response to this is one of support, because of course it is. He hugs Eddie, thanks him for telling him, and reassures him that this didn't change anything between them, just as Eddie had when Buck told him about Tommy. And maybe Eddie leaves it at that. He doesn't say anything to the contrary, no matter how much he wants to tell Buck that he does want their relationship to change, because he still doesn't feel worthy enough to have what he wants.

And so begins the most awkward, adorable, hilarious series of events where these two oblivious dorks dance around their mutual feelings for each other, assuming that they are unrequited while we the audience and all their friends and family know that that's not the case. They'll stumble over their words and stare at each other longingly when the other isn't looking. Maybe there will be moments of jealousy when the other gets hit on by someone they know the other could he interested in. Maybe a guy flirts with Eddie and Buck does that thing where he tries so desperately to get all of Eddie's attention back on him. Maybe there will be moments here and there where one of them will attempt to confess their feelings, only to be interrupted before they can get the words out. Or they go into the conversation with shaky confidence only to completely change the subject when they realize they can't say it.

Eventually, one of their friends or family members intervenes because someone has to. The two of them are getting absolutely nowhere because they are too afraid to cross the line. I would love it if Maddie was the one to approach the conversation with Eddie. Mostly because I need more interactions between the two, but also because I think it makes the most sense for what Maddie would do in the situation. Sure, Buck is her brother, but she knows well enough after their previous conversations about Eddie that there is a very slim chance she can convince him to make the first move. I also just want Eddie to be the one to make the first move, period. For him to finally get to a place where he feels worthy enough to choose what he wants, and he does. And maybe that's the crux of his conversation with Maddie. That he doesn't feel worthy of Buck. And Maddie reassures him that that isn't the case. She tells him about how she used to feel the same way when she ran away from her family. How unworthy she felt for so long to be a mother and a wife after the bathtub incident with Jee-Yun. How scared she was to make a mistake that would ruin everything. But eventually, she pushed through it, despite the fear, and came out on the other side so much happier. And Eddie can do the same. His past mistakes do not define him if he doesn't let them. She's seen how much the two of them matter to each other, how they make each other better people. She's also seen how miserable they can be when they are apart. So she tells him to think about it, encouraging him to face his fears and push through them for a chance at the life that he wants, one full of joy.

And he does think about it, over and over again, but maybe it still takes him a bit before he's ready. Maybe he even tries to plan out the perfect love confession once he gets there. And maybe all of that goes completely out the window one night when it's just the two of them sitting side by side on the couch in their apartment (omg please let them be roommates once Eddie and Chris come back). There's a moment while they're talking where their eyes meet. Then a pause in the conversation as they look into each other's eyes. And this is the moment where the dam breaks. Eddie tells Buck that he loves him. He's loved him for a very long time, longer than he probably even realizes. That he couldn't stop thinking about him while he was away in El Paso. How scared he has been to tell him since he realized, especially once he and Chris came back home. And maybe he just starts rambling at this point because he's being very vulnerable in this moment and he's not used to that and once he starts he can't stop himself. And Buck is waiting patiently for him to stop talking so he can say what he needs to say, but at a certain point, he realizes Eddie isn't going to and takes matters into his own hands. He kisses Eddie. And it's not a great first kiss. It's not really meant to be, just a pressing of lips together long enough to get Eddie to shut up for a second so that when Buck pulls away he can tell him, "I love you, too". They look at each other for a moment and smile before leaning in again for a second kiss. And it's perfect. They'll eventually need to talk more about where they go from here. How and when they'll tell Chris, the 118, and the rest of their families. But for right now, it's just them sharing their first intimate moment as a couple, putting aside all of their fears and worries for as long as they can to make this moment last.

#buddie #911 #911 abc #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911 thoughts #this fandom is a prison #i cannot escape #just let them be happy #make them kiss #on the couch preferably #gay eddie diaz #give me gay eddie and my life is yours

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nanapples · 2 months ago

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snowpath / dawnbreaker zayne x non mc reader tags: traveling between worlds, angst, romance, some comfort + fluff word count: 7.9k notes: part two of snowpath summary: you end up in a dangerous new world and rely on a man that is very similar to zayne (or what if u meet dawnbreaker and u guys kiss or something idk)

"what is this place?" you ask, looking up and down the dark hallway. it's quiet. eerily so. "where are we?"

"it's dangerous here," is his response. the way he avoids the question is exactly like the zayne you know. it's both endearing and frustrating in equal measures.

he doesn't say anything else as he fiddles with the electronic screen above the doorknob. it beeps after a few taps, unlocking with a click. the second it opens, he gestures to you. "come in." he murmurs, waiting on you to walk in first.

you step over the threshold, cold air washing over you the instant you do. shuddering, you burrow into the coat wrapped around your body.

with a single glance, you notice how his home is clean and tidy, a sharp contrast to the outside world. it may be safer, but the air inside is stifling, and each breath you take is a bitter and icy prick in your lungs.

it doesn't feel lived in at all, but if there was anything that stood out, it would be the flower pot sitting on a nearby window sill. it housed a single jasmine bud, pure white, not yet ready to bloom.

it seems even this zayne likes jasmines.

somehow, you didn't want to ask why he liked them so much. you were afraid of what his answer would imply.

"here." zayne hands you a pile of clothes and a towel, forcing you out of your head. "wash up."

you look up at him, reluctant to leave, nervous about the thought of being alone. especially after finally finding some comfort from this man.

will he disappear once he's out of sight? will you suddenly end up someplace else again?

those thoughts haunt you, and while you worried about it, he held your gaze. it was possible he didn't fully understand what you were going through, but he remained an unwavering and steadying force, looking at you and only you. that was enough to soothe some of your worries.

"thank you…" you say, for many reasons.

he nods, quiet as he brings you to his room. he's at his bathroom door within seconds. he opens it and stands to the side, patiently waiting on you. you offer him another grateful glance just before walking in.

you turned the water warm and stripped of the burnt clothes barely clinging onto your body. uncertainty still haunted you, but you willed yourself to relax under the gentle downpour of water on your skin. you don't know how long you've been standing under the water, but the moment you step out, you feel like a pretty decent amount of your fears have been washed away.

stepping back into the living room, you find him sitting on the couch. you approach him slowly. "thank you for the clothes," you say in a small voice.

zayne turns his head to the side, catching a glimpse of you before facing forward again. "the undergarments are from the convenience store. do they fit well?"

"mhm." you sit down on the couch beside him. there's a holographic screen in the room, playing some sort of show that's vaguely similar to something you've watched in the past.

you pull away from the screen, staring at the man's side profile, studying the similarities and differences. "are you really not zayne?" you ask. your question disturbs his focus and brings his attention back to you.

"you look just like him." you whisper, awestruck.

"i'm not the dr. zayne you're familiar with." he responds, his head shaking slightly. "the only thing we have in common would be our name."

"and face," you stubbornly add.

he gives you a once over.

his reaction brings a small smile to your face. the moment it appears, it vanishes without a trace. you sigh again, "you know, this really doesn't make any sense."

"i don't know how i got here or why." you turn to him for answers. "is this really not linkon city?"

"it's not linkon city." zayne grabs the screen's remote on the table, pressing a button and switching to a news broadcast. you watch and listen, slowly taking in the fact that this really might not be your world.

you did your best to ignore that idea from the start, avoiding the thought of it until zayne had you face the truth. it was unbelievable. you wanted to refuse this new reality, too uncomfortable in a world completely unknown to you, someplace that seemed more dangerous than you're used to. it was too much to take in. too much to accept.

zayne stiffly pats the top of your head. "don't cry."

"cry?" you blink rapidly, realizing that there were tears in your eyes. a frown presses onto your face and you can feel your cheeks flush with mild embarrassment.

"you have always hated crying." zayne thumbs away at the tears clinging to your eyelashes. "you said it makes you feel too much like a child."

you sniffle. "how do you know that?"

"i have… dreams." he admits, stuck in your eyes. his gaze grows cloudy, like he's losing himself in his thoughts. "dreams where i witness dr. zayne's memories. it's how i came to know of you and—" he cuts himself off, most likely out of consideration. he's probably thinking about your outburst from earlier.

you exhale through your nose and brush his hand away from your face, willing yourself to ignore the embarrassment burning hot in your chest.

"i need to find a way back home," you murmur, "but my watch stopped working a while ago. i don't know what else to do."

"please," your voice falls so quiet it breaks, "is there any way to go back?"

you refuse to look away from him, desperately waiting for an answer. it's a bit selfish to put all your hopes onto him, you're aware of that, but you still can't help but ask. maybe, just maybe, he has all the answers and more.

"i'm afraid i can't answer that." he says, turning away from the disappointment that's quick to take shape on your face. "there are many things that i don't understand about this world, and your presence only confuses me further."

your lips quiver, the corners of your mouth hung low. you can feel your eyes grow hot, hopelessness bringing up fresh tears.

"however," he continues, pressing his cold hand atop yours, "you've proven it's not impossible."

"if you were able to transport here, it's not wrong to think you can return." he keeps his voice quiet, almost like he believes you're a small animal that startles at the faintest of noise.

"do you really think so..?" you ask, swallowing back the sob that was just about to escape. "do you really think i can find a way back home?" you twist your wrist and lock your hands together.

he nods at you. "i do," he hums. as if shy, he awkwardly pinches at a stray thread on the side of his pants. "if you need my help…" he trails off, his words coming to a halt.

"yes," you say, accepting his offer without even the slightest bit of hesitation. "please help me," you beg, tightening the grip you have on his hand.

he doesn't respond with any words, his silence deafening, a kind of quiet you're not entirely used to. he then nods at you, blinking calmly until his attention is back on the screen. he slowly becomes immersed in the drama, leaving you to watch him instead.

the moment passes and time ticks by. after staring at him for so long, you begin to think you have overstayed your welcome.

"i should go back." you let go of him and stumble onto your feet. "i still have a lot of questions, but i'm so exhausted. i want to sleep and then try again tomorrow—"

"stay." zayne gets up as well, looming over you, rooting you in place.

"what?"

"stay here." his hands twitch in your direction before settling against the sides of your arms. "you don't know how dangerous it is out there. it's safer here."

you tilt your head, trying to get a better view of his face. "safer with you?"

his mouth opens, then shuts, like the question has stumped him.

"not exactly." he mumbles.

"huh?" you laugh in mild disbelief. "why do you say that?"

you jokingly ask, "do you kill people or something?"

he falls quiet again, and while his quietness disturbs you, you firmly believe he isn't some sort of serial killer. that's what you tell yourself, at least. even if he is, it wouldn't be too bad to die by his hands.

cold, cold fingers bring you down from your playful little thoughts.

"what is it..?" you whisper as he cups the side of your face, his touch delicate.

you can hear it. the sound of your heart pumping loud beneath your chest. the zayne you have been friends with since childhood, the one you silently longed for, would have never touched you like this. never with this kind of consideration. it was hard to look him in the face without your own growing red and warm.

"stay." he repeats, his palm like an ice pack against your flushed face.

"okay…" you agree, easily, like a fool.

somehow, it's difficult to turn away from him. he may not be the man you've spent many years chasing after, but you see it. an overlap. the faint idea that they're the same, but not entirely. perhaps they share the same soul, one less icy than the other.

the line between this zayne and the other zayne is blurry. it confuses you and your heart.

"ugh…" your head throbs at all the thoughts running around inside your head.

"you've gotten in your own head again." zayne fixes some of your hair to the side, clearing your line of sight. he probably doesn't know how intimate his actions appear, or how dr. zayne would never do these things with you.

"you seem to know me quite well," you grumble, slightly self-conscious.

"i've seen you in many of the doctor's childhood memories." he studies you for a moment, recalling and comparing the details tucked safely away in his mind, all things related to you. "moments beyond childhood, too."

you frown. "oh, right. all those times i stuck to him like glue." you fall back down onto the couch with a groan. "it's no wonder he's grown fond of someone more deserving," you huff under your breath.

slowly, zayne sits back down beside you. "something has happened between you and the doctor." he carefully states, inadvertently prodding for details.

"no, nothing happened." you shake your head and hands side to side. "dr. zayne is as kind and considerate as ever. he didn't do anything wrong."

zayne stares at you, waiting, but you refuse to elaborate.

"i'm tired." you hang your head low, a pathetic attempt to disconnect.

the way you pull away and retreat into yourself is a sight zayne has seen only a handful of times. always at random moments, something he disliked, a sight that often left him with a pit in his stomach. exactly like how he feels at this very moment, uneasy. unsure.

he can't find the right words to say. none of the scenes from his dreams have ever included you finding solace from dr. zayne. despite being so close, he knew very well that there was still an invisible wall between the two of you. he had nothing to work off of. nothing to aid him in helping you.

that's when he feels it— the hesitant brush of your hand against his. a subtle plea for help, something he's sure you're not even aware you're doing. he swiftly scoops your hand into his, squeezing tighter than necessary, but not enough to hurt.

your body relaxes, shoulders flushes together, your head lolling towards him. "sorry," you mumble. "i'm tired… really tired." your eyes flutter in an attempt to stay awake.

"rest." zayne's arm curls around you.

"mm." your eyelids hang heavy.

"zayne..."

he pauses for a few seconds, hesitating before answering. "i'm here." he responds, his voice like a soft lullaby. you fall asleep just seconds after hearing him speak.

he feels your body slump against his side, your breath evening out. he wastes no time and carefully maneuvers you into his arms, mindful as he carries you to the only room in his apartment. he lays you on his bed, stopping to stare for only a moment.

seeing you outside of his dreams is surreal. he never would have imagined something like this happening. never would he have thought that you would be here, in this cruel world, with him.

he's apprehensive about keeping you close, afraid that he might hurt you, because that's what he's best at. above his fears, however, is a desire to help you. maybe you can be the one person he truly saves in this world.

—

you've been stuck in this nameless city for a while now. zayne says it's only been two months, but it feels like forever. especially when you spend every hour of every day scouring for information, anything that could lead you back home, no matter how big or small.

zayne has been watching over you this entire time, refusing to let you wander off alone. he trails after you like a baby duck, often three steps behind you and never fully at your side. you could tell he was anxious about you being in this world, like he couldn't bear the thought of you falling victim to its cruelty.

you would be lying if you said you were against how much he cared. it felt as if he was looking at you. not the girl that dr. zayne seemed smitten with, but you. this man's attention tickled your silly heart, something formless growing without you even knowing. you'd acknowledge it later, but for now, you wanted to review what you've learned about this world.

from what you have observed so far, this world is rampant with wanderers, all of which are completely foreign to you. not a single wanderer in this world resembles the ones you've fought, nor any in the H.A. database. you found the wanderers in this world to be intense, strong, and cruel. you couldn't blame people for preferring to stay indoors.

the dangers of this world made you wonder what the government was doing. the H.A. didn't seem to exist, and if it did exist, then they were completely useless.

the only one really doing anything was zayne. you watched him obliterate the monsters that haunted the streets and hid in the corners of neighborhoods. and when he rushed off, in the dead of night, dressed in all black, you assumed he was saving the world again in the only way he knew how.

you admired his efforts, and you didn't want to doubt him, but you couldn't shake off this unusual feeling that weighed on you. whenever he donned an outfit that one would wear in times of mourning, you spotted a shift in him. the tiniest bit of humanity he showed you would vanish without a trace, and his heart would freeze over. what could he be doing that required him to disconnect from himself?

you secretly followed him out the next time he slipped on that dark coat. the path he took was dizzying. he was fast on his feet like his prey would escape him if he didn't hurry. you were nearly breathless once you finally caught up to him, desperate to catch your breath while also trying to remain hidden.

"kill me!" a man screeches in the dead of night, his voice warped with pain. peeking out past the wall, you spot a stranger staggering in place, his flesh bulging, as if something is soon to burst from beneath his skin.

"please! kill me— agh!" within a split second, monstrous tendrils bloom from the man's back, violently plunging towards zayne. you gasp, unconsciously stepping out of your hiding spot.

as you fully face the scene, your eyes blow wide.

zayne, with no remorse and absolutely no hesitation, launches shards of light in the man's direction. methodically aimed, striking with each wave of his hand. you watched as a final shard struck the man in his crystal-corroded chest, ending the grisly battle. all that remains is dirt drenched in blood and scattered blue fragments.

"zayne…" you whisper, swallowing the knot in your throat as you approach him.

he doesn't turn around. it's like he's unwilling to face you.

"you shouldn't be here." zayne says after a long and uncomfortable pause. you can barely hear him under the faint hum of the night. even your own breathing was louder than his voice.

you take in a deep breath. "you were being sneaky."

"for my own reasons." he gestures to the remnants of the fight.

"i fail to see how it's any of your business."

the line he's drawn is clear and you're anything but dense. it's obvious this isn't a step you should take, nor is it a weight he wants to share with you. he seems perfectly content bearing the burden of his actions alone, and that doesn't sit right with you.

"how is it not any of my business?" you take that step towards him anyways. multiple steps, in fact. just enough to find yourself standing right behind him. "you're all i know in this world. isn't it only natural for me to be worried about you?"

"…"

in the moment of silence, you hesitate, time standing still around you. he looks too cold to touch, like you won't be able to pull away the instant your skin touches his. the desire to reach him is lodged in the space beneath your chest, poking and prodding at your heart. you want to cross the line, but he isn't making it easy.

he keeps his back to you, a clear sign of rejection. whatever you have to offer, he doesn't seem to want it. that's what he is desperate to convey and you refuse to accept it.

"zayne." his name escapes you carefully so as to not startle him. "look at me."

he doesn't react.

"please?" you beg.

only a few seconds pass until his shoes shift against the ground. he slowly turns to you, his face dark, sleeves soaked with a mysterious liquid you can't discern with full certainty.

"zayne…" you whisper, realization dawning upon you.

fear. there's fear in his gloomy hazel eyes. you see it twitching in the corners, his gaze unsteady.

"you shouldn't be here," he murmurs, his eyelashes fluttering rapidly in an attempt to escape the hold of your eyes.

you continue to look straight at him. "why shouldn't i be?"

the man in front of you pauses, a habitual 'it's dangerous' response teetering on the tip of his tongue. the words don't make it past his lips. five seconds, ten, fifteen— time ticks by and yet you and zayne have become frozen in place.

you sigh, disappointed by how he keeps his answers to himself. "give me your hand."

his fingers flinch. he almost reaches out to you, but he seems to change his mind just before he does, his hands remaining glued to his sides.

you bite back another sigh. instead of being patient and giving him a choice, you grab his hands, unwilling to let this go on for any longer. you aren't always kind and considerate.

"you're frozen solid." you grumble, frowning deeply as you hold onto him. you make no comment about the blood smeared on his pale skin.

"you don't need to do this." his hands squirm against yours in an attempt to pull away, but he doesn't try too hard. he appears unwilling to refuse the warmth of your hands.

"i want to." you insist. "i can't have you freezing yourself to death. you're the only person i know here."

he shakes his head. "i'm not the man you know."

"i know." you groan. "how many times do you need to tell me that until you're satisfied?"

he falls silent, and so do you. you focus on defrosting his poor hands with practiced ease. you've helped dr. zayne the exact same way many times in the past, before he returned to that bright and lovely girl.

you wonder, in this brief moment of silence, about your world. about whether or not dr. zayne is worried about you at all. is it too much to think that he's looking for you? or is he much too busy with the girl he holds close to his heart?

"that's enough," zayne whispers. one of his hands slips out of your grasp. you expect him to pull away completely, but he doesn't.

he raises his hand to your face, his thin, pale fingers ghost against the skin of your cheek. it's a bold gesture for him. for someone that pushes and pulls away every time you get too close, he closes small gaps without you even noticing.

you blink slowly, your eyes raising to look up at him, thoughts escaping you. you should probably say something, question him and his actions, but you don't.

"thank you." his other hand, the one that is still flush against your own, squeezes gently.

you quietly exhale and nod your head. there isn't much to say. questions get you nowhere. you're determined to squeeze the secrets out of him eventually, but not today. what little he's offered you, the small distance he subtly closed, is more than enough.

"let's go home." you whisper.

he stares at you.

home. not his home, but home. something you share. it does something to him, you notice.

his eyes waver and the flat line of his lips quiver. "okay." he murmurs.

you take the lead before he could, tugging him along like a dog, and he lets you.

—

"zayne? what's wrong?" you ask into the phone, holding it close as if that will help you hear better. "are you okay? are you hurt?"

"i'm fine." zayne responds in his usual low and stable voice. he always takes a few seconds to answer, so you jumped a bit after hearing him. "give me a few minutes. it's messy over here."

relief coaxes a sigh out of you.

"send me your location so i can come pick you up.

"no. just stay where you are."

"zayne."

"…"

the phone in your hand vibrates after a few seconds. glancing at the screen, you're happy to see that zayne actually listened to you for once. "you're that far away?" you ask after memorizing the location he had sent you.

"mm."

"i'll be over as soon as possible." you enter a nearby alleyway. "you probably overused your evol, didn't you?"

zayne chooses to remain silent.

you laugh, "be a good boy and stay put, okay?"

you hang up the call after hearing his quiet response, and just when you pocket your phone, you hear someone step up behind you. you slowly turn half of your body, narrowing your eyes in confusion as you're met with an unfamiliar middle-aged man.

"um, can i help you?" you ask, raising an eyebrow at both the man and the gun he's pointing towards you.

for some reason, you can't sense any real malice from him. there's an inexplicable atmosphere around him. as if he's only trying to understand the bigger picture of an invisible puzzle.

"don't move." the man warns, his voice loud enough to echo through the walls of the alleyway.

you slowly raise your hands up into the air. "i don't have any weapons on me," you tell him. judging by the man's weapon of choice, he doesn't appear to have an evol. not one that can be used to attack, at least.

"if you're companions with dawnbreaker, you're still dangerous" the man's gun remains locked on you.

"dawnbreaker?" you repeat the name. it feels a bit silly on your tongue.

it was only recently that you found out about zayne's reputation with law enforcement. they feared him and his actions, none the wiser to the truth hidden in plain sight. ever since the night you uncovered zayne's secret, you've become more aware of his intentions. he wasn't killing just to kill. there was a reason behind it, and perhaps it wasn't as selfless as you had thought, but he was doing more good than anything else.

"keep your hands where they are." the nameless man demands. he narrows his eyes as he hesitantly takes a step in your direction. "you're under arrest for aiding dawnbreaker in his murders."

"i haven't killed anyone." you calmly retort.

"cut the bullshit." the man's forehead creases as he glares at you. "i saw you with my own two eyes. you're much less secretive than dawnbreaker."

"that's because it doesn't matter if i'm sneaky about it or not." you stare deep into his eyes. "they weren't human."

"what are you saying, you monster?!"

ignoring his outburst, you ask, "who exactly are you?"

"i thought you guys stopped investigating dawnbreaker?" that's what zayne told you, at least. it took a bit of prodding before he told you about his latest encounter with law enforcement, but you were under the impression that they would turn a blind eye to him.

"i don't need to explain myself to you." the man's aim doesn't falter.

"i don't need to, either." you shrug.

"don't move—"

a sea of blue flames circle around the man, stretching up to his waist. caught off guard, his finger flinches against the trigger, prompting the gun to go off. it sends a single bullet in your direction.

you avoided it, your heart thumping loudly in your throat.

"you…" the man stares at you with eyes the size of saucers. it was obvious he hadn't meant to fire that shot and that's all you need to know.

"instead of looking into dawnbreaker, you should get to the root of the problem." you walk past the man, calm enough to know he won't shoot his gun again. "this world will be in big trouble if we don't focus on the right thing."

"wait a moment. get back here, you…" the man's voice fades into obscurity as you leave him at the scene.

once you have gotten far enough away, you carefully release control of your evol, freeing the man. you spot him running out onto the street from afar, searching for you in a hurry. seeing him safe, you slip into the shadows and continue on the path you were previously on.

falling into a different world was already hard enough to wrap your head around, but knowing that a version of zayne was acting as a vigilante in order to save the world… it was comically unexpected. you would have never guessed that he would be playing superhero in another lifetime.

somehow, it fits him.

he saves lives as a doctor in your world, and saves lives in this one as well.

he really is the same no matter what.

"why," zayne clears his throat as you approach him, "why do you look like that?" he can't seem to keep his eyes off of your sweet smile. in a way, it's as if he's trying to carve the sight of it into his memories.

"why do i look like what?" your eyes crinkle into crescent moons as the apples of your cheeks rise.

"you're smiling."

"it's only because—" you cut yourself off the moment his face enters your sight.

he's pale. abnormally pale. the skin of his cheek is covered in black frost, and from how his chest rises and falls so quickly, you can tell he's having trouble breathing.

"you, zayne, how—" you reach over and grab his hands, slipping the black leather gloves off in two swift motions. "how could you let it get this bad?" carefully, you spread the warmth of your evol through his hands and over his body. it barely seems to help. like he's frozen in layers.

"it's nothing." he murmurs, his voice even, devoid of emotion.

the skin between your eyebrows wrinkle together. "this can't be considered nothing, zayne." you say in a tone similar to a plea. you fail to understand how he could be so reckless with his own body.

his hand is still so cold regardless of how much you press your evol into his skin. you're a fool trying to defrost an iceberg the size of a mountain and it feels like your efforts amount to nothing.

"i wish i could resonate with you," you shakily whisper. "i'm sure it would help more than this…"

zayne shakes his head. "this is enough."

"you're just saying that," you snap. "if she was here, you wouldn't have to suffer like this."

"you're here, not her."

your bottom lip disappears beneath your front teeth, helplessness washing over you in relentless waves.

to you, it's not unreasonable to assume that she would be more useful to him. her evol is special. magical. she is a permanent fix where you are a temporary solution. more than that, her existence is incomparable. healing to the soul. and as envious of her as you may or may not be, you care more about his well-being than anything else.

she should be here with him, not me.

"you think too much." zayne suddenly says, smoothly removing one of his hands from your tight grip. "i can't imagine how tiring it must be." the cold tips of his fingers hesitate against your cheek. a second later, his palm is pressed to your skin, and you can feel yourself sinking into it.

"tiring is a very light way to put it," you mumble. "i feel like my head is about to burst from the thoughts running through my head."

"what are you thinking about?"

finding his eyes, you laugh through your nose. "care to guess?"

"is it the doctor?" he tries. there was a brief flash in his eyes. something lively, playful, as if he knew his guess was wrong.

you snicker, "nice try."

"i'm thinking of you," you admit. the curve of your lips drop slightly. "i'm worried about you. this world is cruel to you, zayne."

"it's normal," he says, a pitiful attempt to comfort you.

"your definition of normal is questionable."

zayne can't find a response. not one that would truly mean anything. he keeps his lips together in a thin line, staring at you and the unwillingness on your face. seeing you get angry and frustrated at the world on his behalf is different. new.

he isn't quite sure what to do with the odd sensation burning in his chest.

"are you hurt anywhere?" you shift your head to the side, feeling a bit shy under his gaze. the way he looks at you makes you dizzy. the zayne you were familiar with had never once stared at you with that kind of intensity. it's hard to get used to.

"not at all." his hand falls from your face, leaving you feeling somewhat regretful.

"the blood isn't mine," he assures you.

you inspect the black fabric of his clothes, taking note of the dark splotches spattered all over the front of his coat. you hadn't noticed it until now, but his sleeves are drenched with a mix of what seems to be blood and remnants of his evol.

seeing him so accustomed to blood and the violent terrors of wanderers makes your heart ache.

"home," you croak, your throat dry with a mix of many emotions. "let's go back home," is a suggestion you make all the time. it's a catchphrase at this point.

"there won't be any threats for the next few days, right?" you hold his hands closer. "you've killed so many of them these days. there's hardly any left to deal with."

zayne shakes his head. "that's not how it works."

"well, that's how i say it's going to work." turning around, you tug him along, walking through blue fragments and unmelted shards of ice.

"the wanderers…"

"no." you squeeze his hand tight. "you need a break."

"you can't be the only one fighting against them, zayne. you just can't." you glare at nothing as you ramble, huffing and puffing as you make your way up and down familiar alleyways.

"but—"

screeching to a halt, you face him quickly, directing your harsh glare at him. "no." you repeat with more force. "if you don't rest now, then you'll collapse later. what if you need to expend energy you don't have?"

"i know my limits."

"do you really?"

zayne opens his mouth only to close it shut. he has many years of you in his head, and he's certain you won't let this go unless he agrees. so, he's left with only one option: to nod his head up and down like an obedient child.

his compliance, although squeezed out of him, brings a big grin to your face. "there you go." your hand's grip loosens, becoming less of a chain and more of a choice.

"we should stop by the store and buy ingredients for dinner." you say, prompting a lighter discussion. "i genuinely don't know how you can eat those nutrient drinks."

"they aren't that bad," he quietly retorts.

you raise an eyebrow at him. "the lack of flavor is weird and you know it."

"or is it that you don't like my cooking? is that why you're defending your poor nutrient drinks?" you have to hold back a smile while you speak.

the first time you prepared food for him, he had eaten it in a hurry, like a starved man. it was almost concerning how he had basically devoured the dish whole. thanks to that memory, you were confident that he didn't dislike the food you made.

"i never said that." zayne, in something akin to a panic, tightens his hand's hold against yours. "the last meal you prepared was… unforgettable."

"right?" your cheeks rise from how your lips widen.

"i'll make you something just as tasty tonight," you promise.

"how does rice porridge sound? or maybe curry? it's quite cold tonight. something warm and filling would be perfect for a night like this…" you thoughtfully trail off, making a list of ingredients in your head.

before you could get too lost in your thoughts, zayne pulls you close, your name falling from his lips in a low and hurried tone.

"zayne..?" you glance up at him.

he scans the area, his eyebrows furrowed. he appears worried about something. that's not a good sign at all.

"the energy in the air." he pulls you closer. "something isn't right."

"what…" your heart skips a beat, dread and uncertainty swirling all around you.

you can feel it. the raw, raging energy of metaflux.

"zayne!" you shriek, "we need to leave! now!"

it's too late.

a gust of wind swirls into a rift, and from it three huge wanderers appear. monsters that look oddly similar to the ones that you fought against hover in the air a few steps ahead of you. they look too similar to the wanderer that you fought against on the day you were taken away from your world. it was shocking— as if a clue has presented itself right before your eyes.

"this is no time to be lost in thought." zayne warns, shielding you with an arm.

his other arm is held in front of his body, a hand facing the wanderers. shards of ice materialize behind you before quickly plunging towards the monsters, crisp and routine in their attack. zayne doesn't bat an eye in the face of these monstrous creatures, and his calm demeanor is enough to pull you out of your stupor.

you take in a deep breath and stretch out your own hand. making sure to avoid melting his attacks, you provide him with support, maneuvering your flames to cover his blind spots. the two of you work in unison, but these wanderers are no easy opponent.

they're stronger than the ones you fought in the past. it makes you nervous. the more zayne gets slashed by sharp claws, the more uneasy you become.

and just as you're running out of stamina, zayne manages to land the final blow on the last wanderer. it crumbles into specks of light with one final roar, disappearing from reality entirely. you pant heavily, legs weak, heart still beating loudly against your rib cage as it all ends.

you want to fall to your knees, to catch your breath and calm your raging heart, but one glance at zayne is enough to keep you going. "zayne— you're injured..!" you rush over to his side.

zayne stumbles in place, trying to keep himself together. he doesn't have enough energy to do so, and when you reach out towards him, he slumps, leaning most of his weight against your body. your arms wrap under and around him, steadying him to your best ability.

"don't bother." zayne groans when he feels the gentle heat of your evol pour into him.

you refuse to listen.

"stop moving." you lock him in your arms, flushed against him like you're trying to swallow him whole.

zayne doesn't resist. he doesn't want to fall into the addiction of relying on you, of being too vulnerable, but he's pushed his body to its limit.

but as tired as he is, he is just as persistent. "you shouldn't waste your efforts on this," he mumbles through the small gap of his lips. "i know you're exhausted."

"i am," you huff, "but you being uncooperative won't help either of us right now."

"hm." he sinks against you even more, his face buried in the crook of your neck. he breathes you in, noting the mix of your scent and a faintly bitter and smoky smell.

your arms hug him closer, desperate to warm him up. zayne's body is too cold. if it weren't for his thumping heart, and the cold breaths against your neck, you would have mistaken him for a corpse.

he needs to be alive. regardless of everything else— of the mysteries surrounding your current situation, or what you even mean to this man— none of it matters more than his life.

"why…" you pause to find your voice. when you do find it, it's trembling like a small animal. "why did you take the lead like that..?"

"i can protect myself. i'm a hunter, zayne. i have fought more wanderers than you could ever imagine. i don't need you to shield me like a child," you say in one breath.

zayne sighs, "you don't understand," into your neck.

"the creatures, the abominations… they're different from the ones you've previously fought against." his arms, that were resting limp by his side, suddenly slither around your body.

"you don't belong in this world," he rasps. "the least i can do is protect you from its dangers."

you melt against him. although his embrace is tight and stifling, you feel safe.

"i don't want to be protected." you begrudgingly respond.

"i don't care."

"rude."

as he holds you and you hold him, you can feel his heartbeat against your own. his is a steady thump, relaxed compared to your own. your evol usage is spreading you thin, and your erratic heartbeat is a clear indication of that. you're smart enough to know when to stop, but your concerns about zayne overpowers all reason.

zayne is still frozen stiff. you can feel it in his arms, in the soft puffs on your neck. you need to keep going. keep warming him up until it can rival her evol, then maybe he wouldn't need her anymore.

"that's enough." he releases you, but doesn't fully pull away.

"no, just a bit more—"

he gently pries you from his chest. "i'm fine," he sighs, a gust of cold air against your face. "i'm not dying. not yet."

"you're still cold." you frown. "and you could have easily died back there. you're too reckless!"

wordlessly, he stares at you like he can't get enough of your jutted out lips or narrowed eyes. you don't look happy, no, but you're alive. you radiate a bright light and he refuses to look away. the sight of you may be more healing than your evol. maybe even more than her evol, too.

unlike her, he can touch you. he can reach you. and he does. his hand is cupping the side of your face like a priceless jewel. being able to actually feel you is both a blessing and a curse. if he gets used to touching you, how could he ever go without it?

if he wasn't strong enough to protect you from those unusual wanderers…

you nuzzle into his icy palm in an attempt to catch his attention. "what's wrong now?" you mumble.

"those wanderers…" he thumbs the soft skin under your eye, his tone of voice quiet and thoughtful. "they were stronger than usual."

there's a heaviness in his voice, somber and muddled. it's as if he's afraid of something. seeing him in this state is… frightening.

zayne is strong. stronger than any of the hunters you know. for someone like him to be afraid is definitely concerning.

"it was scary, wasn't it?"

zayne averts his gaze. "not really."

you chuckle quietly.

after a moment, you sigh, his words sinking into you. "they were extremely strong." your head hangs as you fall into your thoughts. "and they looked a lot like the ones i fought before i ended up here…"

"there has to be a connection," you whisper, eyebrows furrowed. "i just don't know what it all means. ugh…" you hold your aching forehead, trying to will all the pain and tiredness away.

zayne holds you by the arms. "you're going to faint before you can figure it out."

you slowly lift your chin up, tracing his features with your eyes. now that things have calmed down, you've noticed just how close he is. not in a physical sense, but something more. something intimate. a metaphorical distance has been lessened and he is finally within reach.

since when did he allow you to get this close?

"what are you thinking about?" one of his hands slips from your arm, reaching up to your face instead. he smoothly brushes some dust off your cheek, his touch almost reverent.

"i'm just starting to think," you pause awkwardly, "that this isn't that bad."

he frowns, eyelids twitching. "please elaborate."

"it's nice being here with you."

"no." he pulls his hands away, taking in the implications behind your words. "you can't stay here."

"just listen to me." you make an attempt to grab his hands only to miss and hold onto the sleeve of his coat. "i don't know why i'm here in this world, and there isn't a way for me to go back."

"it's more plausible for me to just accept the fact that i'm stuck here than to keep hoping for something so out of reach."

"don't be so pessimistic." he shakes his head, the corner of his lips arched downwards. "you'll find a way back."

"i'm being realistic."

he repeats, "don't."

you sigh through your nose, shaking your head. "would it really be that bad to stay here with you?"

"you don't belong here." he averts his gaze. "especially not with me."

"i want to be here." you firmly plant your hands on both sides of his face, forcing him to look at you. "am i not allowed to stay?"

"that's… not it." his gaze lands on your lips. he blinks to tear away from it, but you catch it, that unspoken something.

"do you like having me around?" you lean closer, his breath mixing into yours.

"i can't answer that," he murmurs, like the answer on the tip of his tongue could change everything.

"really?"

silence.

his response gets caught in his throat, and he slowly gets lost in the way you're staring at him, at how near you are. you, who only existed in his dreams, in the memories of another man, stand before him like temptation reincarnated. he has never been a man that acted on impulse, certainly not after all these years of discipline and routine.

and yet, you ruined all that he is. a single glance from you tore down his walls, leaving him smaller than he's ever been before. he longs to reach for you. to keep you.

he shouldn't allow this to continue. this unnamed connection is dangerous. it could hurt you. he could hurt you. his head screams to move. to deny what you're offering— to deny you and everything that you are, but in his haze of indecision, his body moves in tandem to his heart's desires.

again, he holds you, this time on the waist. you hear an invisible thread snap, and without realizing it, you're lip to lip with zayne. your chest burns, eyes blown wide, surprised by the suddenness of it all.

he doesn't give you any time to think.

he kisses you with an intensity you didn't know he had. it's almost oppressive. the hand on your waist is tight, his pull bringing your bodies closer together. his cold lips melt and meld into yours. he pushes into your mouth, then pulls back for a brief inhale, only to swoop back in for more.

at the slightest hint of tongue, you bashfully retreat. "zayne…"

he stares at you, breathless. "who are you calling for?" he asks with a hint of doubt.

the question is so silly it makes you laugh. "you."

"i," you breathe in quietly, calming yourself, "i didn't think you would do something like this with me…"

"why do you find it so surprising?" his large hand presses to your cheek. "you underestimate how precious your existence truly is."

you blink rapidly, flustered by his words.

"i…" your expression dims. "i'm not her,"

"you mistake me for the doctor." zayne sighs. "his attention may have been on her, but i have always seen you." he stares at you as if to prove his point. "only you."

his confession has stolen the air right out of your lungs. words fail you, the thoughts running your head a dizzying carousel. you have to turn from him in order to catch your breath.

"please look at me." he whispers your name and guides you back to him.

"no, i, you…" you're hot all over. like your evol is out of control.

zayne calls for you again, the low hum of his voice sending electric ripples across your entire body.

"stop," you plea, the whites of your eyes flushing red. "you… you're too much."

"you're crying." he gently rubs the corner of your eye.

zayne presses a chaste kiss to your forehead. innocent and kind, something new and unfamiliar.

"i'm not," you mumble in defense of yourself. your cheeks feel like they're sizzling. you're not sure you can handle any more of this.

then, you hear a barely audible sound spill from zayne's mouth. a puff of air. not quite a laugh, but something similar. it's a good sound. one that leaves you starry-eyed.

"zayne." you carefully peak up at him.

when he catches your gaze, he leans down and kisses you again.

"wait…" your words disappear in the space between your lips and his.

his kiss is like a never-ending sea, and you find yourself succumbing to the waves, sinking into him like it's meant to be. it makes you forget everything. the unsolved mysteries, the questions seared into your mind, and the longing to return home.

at this moment, with him, you forget it all.

#💌:⛄#sometimes this is fun and sometimes it is Not #i just get waaaayyy too into my head #like bro… knock it off… this is supposed to be fun :(#time to forget this even exists and fall asleep #also writing [the doctor] gave me major flashbacks to like old tumblr #does that make sense even…#if there’s 3 fandoms i cannot escape [redacted] is one of them #i didn’t even watch that series everything i learned was against my will

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