#I cannot sleep until I get this out
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Just had the revelation that if Barb hadn’t been taken in season 1, then Steve would have gone missing.
Think about it. If he hadn’t invited Nancy, and by association Barb, then he would have been left alone with Tommy and Carol, who definitely would have snuck off together and left him outside alone as a prime target for the demogorgon. If he hadn’t had anyone over at all that night, then he would have been home alone while the demogorgon was hunting in his backyard, which he still wouldn’t have been able to get away from.
Moral of the story: if Barb hadn’t gone missing in season one then it would have been Steve.
#I cannot sleep until I get this out#steve harrington#stranger things#stranger things season 1#steve stranger things#barb holland#barb stranger things#steddie#don’t know if this has been said before but I just realized it and need other people to realize it too
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Pretty sure my little man has a case of abundism affecting the marble tabby coat under all those white splotches
#random pet post#it really is a weird coat pattern#I'm never sure if I should describe him accurately as a white marked tabby or as the first impression people get of a black and white cat#love his little backward C's#I got all my other pets around the same time and they've been dying off one by one this last year or so#I'm down to just this 4yo kit and Bruiser#actually I'm not done whispering in the tags#pretty soon it's just gonna be me and this terrible little man against the world#and he gives me such weird problems you cannot even begin to imagine#took to the leash and harness without a bit of difficulty but I can't take him anywhere cuz he freaks out about people 500ft away#really difficult to find sitters for him cuz he gets so stressed about changes and waits until 3am to SCREAM#he's 17 lbs and wants to sleep on my chest 14 hours a day#took him on a work trip a week or 2 ago cuz of aforementioned petsitting troubles and some kind of wire got crossed#so instead of stress peeing in my laundry basket he now humps the nearest blanket covered limb to alert me of problems#he got scared of his water dish recently and is only now starting to get over it after 3 weeks of drama#he knocked it over last night and humped my leg while I tried to sleep to try and convey to me that he was thirsty#I'm thinking of getting a second cat and just fucking hoping that it'll be normal and maybe Prompto can target it for some of his weirdness
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got a post on my dash that was like only annoying nerds will like 73 yards. well. as an annoying nerd supreme.
#sorry i cannot fucking sleep so i decided to watch the new dw instead and you will hear about it before i disappear into the void again#LISTEN EVEN IF WE NEVER WILL GET ANSWERS TO WTF JUST HAPPENED (though i highly doubt that)#EMBRACE THE TERRIBLE WHIMSY OF THIS SEASON MAN#DREAM LOGIC! NIGHTMARE LOGIC! LITERALLY NEVER HAS A PIECE OF MEDIA ACCURATELY CAPTURED WHAT IT FEELS TO DREAM FOR ME#UNTIL THIS THANG#obviously the grander themes besides ruby’s heritage are just. utter chaos in form of the supernatural mixing in with the sci fi#like not that that isn’t absolutely buckwild sometimes. or most times. but i think this is a really cool direction to take.#but also like c’mon man. we are in doctor who. you simply cannot expect that you will get all of the answers for something in one episode#sometimes#such a weird complaint when i assume most people watched previous seasons where that also happens a lot#like yeah this one’s a lot more cryptic and mind fucker-y than usual but that’s the point goddammit#like don’t get me wrong it wasn’t perfect i definitely think the criticisms about the run time and that it should’ve been a 2 parter are#justified but the previous one? weird complaint imo. you can of course simply not like it but i am very into this.#my fave out of the season so far :P#oooh what a surprise the incomprehensible horrors fan liked the incomprehensible horrors episode. what a shocker#doctor who#sorry beegeethree and pathfinder gang
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question for the fanfic readers (and writers) who are out here working full time jobs:
how/when do you make time to read/write fanfics?
my tendency to read fanfics late at night will not be such a good idea when i’m out of school and working in the real world, when i can’t just say fuck it and show up with only a few hours of sleep.
#sincerely someone who will be working an internship where i’ll be starting at 7:30 every morning#which means i’ll be waking up around 6 every day#and therefore cannot stay up until midnight reading fanfics like i’ve been doing a lot#but i still need my silly little fanfics to get through the day#and i would like the reassurance that that is still possible even when working full time#and like realistically i know i can carve out time in my day to read fanfics but like nighttime is me time#and therefore fanfic time. which is a bad habit to have really#my sleep schedule is so fucked up#oh and also while taking care of household stuff like cleaning/cooking/laundry. forgot to mention that bit#i’m also worried that if i start reading a fanfic in the morning i just won’t get anything done that day bcuz i’ll want to just read said#fanfic…that has happened before. multiple times. so it’s a valid concern#fanfics#ao3#archive of our own#fanfic#fanfiction#fandom#reinanova rambles
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it is now officially the 25th which means...
merry christmas everyone !!! regardless of whether u celebrate or not, i hope u all have a lovely day with whoever u spend it with or with urself <33
#sophie's idle chatter#this is scheduled so im HOPING it posts at 12 am.... prays....#i havent been super active in the past month or two bc life is kicking my ass (<- has said this countless times already but its still true)#also !! i see asks and ill try and answer them when i actually have the time and energy 😭 ik i say this a lot but ive been drained good god#(not so) mini life updates :#the new lovebrush chronicles main story update has made me weep so much... ive done both clarence and ayns routes and....#my god.... this story is darker and honestly im loving it AND i love how they did the chara roles in this world (alkaid... ourgh...)#my tear glands arent tho bc ayn ending 3.... what the fuck was that i couldnt sleep after doing that ending??? ITS WAS SO SAD AND FOR WHATF#currently having to wait until the 27th so i can do lars route 😔#the recent ep of apothecary diaries.... ourgh my heart.... jinshi and maomao beloveds :((#oh !! and ive gotten back into my ace of diamonds/daiya no ace phase and have been rewatching the series...#sobbing chris and yuki and miyuki my beloveds.... kissing ur foreheads and holding u gently.....#the way i got back into it bc im catching up on s2 of a clean sweep (a korean baseball variety show that i love with all my heart ;w;)#my mum is a traitor tho bc she watched every new ep that came out on tuesdays while i was in uni 🧍♀️ so now im catching up on the 30 eps#on my own 🧍♀️#OMG AND ALSO DR STONE S3??? WHY WAS I NOT NOTIFIED THAT PART 1 CAME OUT MONTHS AGO AND PART 2 WAS MORE RECENT???#i havent been doing that much writing recently tho bc the fingers wont type but the brain is exploding with ideas i cannot handle this#i do want to get back to the haitham sxf series tho.... and also my oc various x reader series.......#tbh ive been contemplating abt publishing the haitham series on ao3 once i write more chapters before publishing them#idk i feel like the series would be nice to have on ao3 as well as tumblr JHDG#thats abt it i think?#anywho if u read this far then know i am giving u a warm cookie as a condolence prize for getting through this life dump <33#ill leave it off here but i hope u all have a lovely day !! mwah mwah merry chrysler everyone 🎄🫶#queue... ueueue
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it’s 4 in the morning and i just finished drawing ghost in a my melody balaclava
#simon ghost riley#codmw2#i cant with this#he should wear this instead the black one tbh#codfanart#I CANT SLEEP#ghost cod#bless whoever said to draw ghost in this bc i literally cannot get it out of my head until i drew it#simon riley#RAHHHHHHHHHHHHH#ghostsoap#john mactavish
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a lot of these fans are scully hardcore fans who call mulder an asshole for fucking someone while scully is abducted and in danger and i’m like maybe let him have the one thing that makes him forget all this even for a split second and makes him stop the self flagellation for a moment ?? you know..
tbh i feel like kristen was kind of more an indulgence into self-hatred (and a sort of feeling of betrayal?) than anything else but i totally get what you’re saying anon and you’re so right like…omg…let me not speak…
#y’all remember that moment in 3 when the local police tells him to go to his hotel and sleep#and he says ‘i didn’t get a hotel. i don’t sleep anymore.’#it’s the way that he says in conduit that he’s ‘still walking into that room’ ‘every day’ of his life and he’s already so stuck#in THIS trauma and THIS loss and then it happens again bar for bar for bar.#scully’s abduction changes everything about the show but i don’t think i clicked until rewatching the way that mulder is never the same#he’s never as excited or as open or as trusting or hopeful again#this has ALREADY HAPPENED to him before!! and then it happens AGAIN!!#the thing about this show is that mulder will always be in that room and 12 years old and frozen and listening to#someone scream for him for help that he cannot help and will never be able to save#whether they’re screaming ‘fox’ or ‘mulder’ or ‘dad’#everything we do in this life we do over and over again etc etc#so anyway let him fuck the vampire GOD FORBID HE DO ANYTHING#asks#3#‘i don’t sleep anymore’ AND HE NEVER DOES AGAIN!!#someone pointed this out before but mulder’s insomnia wasn’t this bad before scully went missing.#like you see him sleep (on the couch) pre-abduction pretty regularly but never really again
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No but seriously imagine it:
You're seeing scarlett and the shakers on a concert. Everyone is having a great time. Scarlett and the shakers seem a little excited. "We have a surprise for you guys." Scarlett says. All of a sudden DB come out and start singing "this is grōōvstock." When Orion gets to the chorus, someone else starts singing... "When I was a young boy my uncle left me in the pizzeria to be a chef." Lights flash everywhere, and you see SATS singing "this is grōōvstock" along with DB, while TRFQ is singing "Black prosciutto". Everyone in the crowd is going wild and crying. Then if things couldn't get any better, Chuck and Taylor walk onto stage and kiss, holding the gay flag.
#this was my attempt at trying to bully myself off to sleep#upon editing this copypasta i noticed that only Fall Out Boy in the first few sentences did not get capitalized#i couldnt think of any characters for Dan and Phil but Taylor probably? vlogs? he feels like a vlogger? idk?#the Romanos didn't quite fit the ''2010s tumblr famous'' type energy but i added them bc it's better than The Beach Cobblers#also Hugo is a dj. sadly he cannot fit.#(also i forgot about him until i checked Janana's page.)#(sorry for forgetting about you always. one day i'll draw you and you will be permanently printed in my mind)#papa louie#shitpostdalune#alas. it had to be done.#AGH IM TIRED HAD TO THINK FOR 30 MINUTES ON WHAT TO REPLACE ''this is gospel'' WITH
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they should invent a day with enough hours in it for me to get all my tasks done without having to turn into a joyless husk
#bolo speaks#I don't wanna get too specific here but I do not have the option of not having a job. full stop I cannot afford it#and I'm a full time college student too. so in practice I go to work every morning and then immediately to class and don't have any real#free time until the evening. so I've got a goddamn nine to five#and THEN when I get back to my dorm I'm naturally tired if only from being out all day and just want to rest 😭 but I still have assignments#AND I need to get to sleep at a reasonable hour for work in the morning the next day#I can either fall behind on my schoolwork or Eliminate what free time I get for the majority of the work week#girl help.
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere#I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse#I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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The weekly catch-up phone calls with my soulmate who broke up with me “for my own good” yet still expects me to be his best friend are becoming more a source of anxiety than comfort lately folks
-Riley
#the breakup#<in case anyone wants to blacklist I’m starting a tag for it#I’ve been working on breaking the fp bond bc I literally cannot survive with him still being my fp and it’s working a little bit#until like. the night & day before the call rolls around and all the feelings come flooding back and I can’t sleep or focus#Monty is trying to get me to go no contact#Vic is trying to get me to space out conversations to every other week#I hate how much he’s still affecting me tbh. I need it to stop or I’m going to go insane fr#it’s getting to the point where my system is honestly unsure whether or not we’re still compatible as FRIENDS anymore#cuz like. doesn’t feel like it#but I still really really don’t want to lose them#so I’m resistant to stepping back entirely#but I think I can agree to Vic’s suggestion
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mob psycho(logical horror) 100
#Chatterbomb#There are some terrifying concepts in there they should be stretched more#That comic reminded me of junji itos The Long Dream#I’ll have to do a rewatch and write some stuff down#The mental prison stuff? Terrifying 10/10#Shigeo in fabricated world for six months is terrifying but I feel like being trapped in a static environment that only gets longer even#Though real world time has barely passed and you are all alone and you can’t escape and you can’t change the environment besides clawing at#The walls#day and night don’t pass with the sun and moon but your body is aging anyway#Nothing changes and you are running out of resources.#How long until you accept no one will come and save you? How much are you willing to starve while waiting for someone who left?#What if the world that trapped you won’t let you die? Starving for centuries without a sign of life#Thinking at some point you must have escaped. Or was it a dream within a dream? Can that happen? How many times have you fallen asleep?#How many dreams deep are you already in?#WHAT IF HE STARTED ROTTING#what if he was living in his own dead body!!!!! Would that be fucked up or what!!!!!#Something about reigen sparks a desire to see him experience pain disconnected with reality#The dreams in train hell are only getting longer. None of them are peaceful. He can’t tell if his hair is greying from aging or how much th#Dreams take a toll on him. How much time has really passed? Can he even rely on how his body is changing? Is it truly time who is#Responsible? Or is it him? Or the train itself?#What if all they found of him was a dryed up body with a beating heart and pulsating brain. Laying limp and clothing scattered#If I really indulge myself the scratched out days. When looked at from farther away. Still marking the potential days reads#Abandon all hope#ye who enter here#Which yeah that’s stretching into being ridiculous but it would be cool TO ME#Dante’s inferno you are so silly and special to me#I got really autistic here but <3 big fan of horror huge fan of suffering <333#ALSO!! taking inspiration from “heck” short film but the days might be counted by “sleeps” as time cannot accurately be measured in a place#That defies universal law#Ok I think I’m done now ok I’m normal probably
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just in case anyone thought i was exaggerating about how stupid my coworkers think i am today one of them told me i could write "turbid which is like the scientific word for cloudy" on a urinalysis sticker. i have a college degree in a science
#god and the worst part is i think theyre partially correct#like i'm not As dumb as they think i am but i am definitely stupider than i used to be and it is driving me completely insane#i genuinely don't know if its the depression or chronic weed use or like i'm just suddenly brain damaged in the last 6 months or so#but it's really really bad. i think it has gotten a little better since starting my current antidepressant but my short term memory is like#unbelievably bad. it was never good but i literally cannot remember anything now. i have to stop thinking about this or i will start crying#my intelligence has always been like one of the things i have a weird complex about due to not getting an education until high school#and being barely socialized etc and it was more or less all i had going for me#and now it's like. ok i got nothing lmao#i don't even think it's covid brain damage because i felt this way before i got covid#although it definitely got worse after getting the job but i think thats a combination of not knowing what i'm doing + being treated like#garbage + sleep deprivation#my therapist who i haven't seen in months because he was stressing me out thought i was smart as hell for some reason. which was flattering#but like i said he was stressing me out. he had too good of a read on me and i can't get over my trust issues with men#“you should go to therapy about that” you might say and you would be right but. well#me
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need to play baldurs gate soooo bad rn but I have to “prepare for college” and “sleep” 🙄
#tbf I do have complete autonomy to get out my laptop rn and play some baldie gatie but like. i do want to sleep lmao#the only reason I’m still awake is bc I forgot take my damn melatonin#anyways. the urge to viddy game is so persistent but unfortunately I WILL be in Anxious 24/7 Mode until I move in to college#Cannot do Anything fun. or else the Guilt will get me.#aughhh I have so many ideas for new runs thoooo I wanna play it so baaaddd#bg3
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okay i was teetering on the cusp of the DA:I chasm but i'm back now
apparently.... vampire sex. was what i needed. to step back from the beckoning abyss
gale baby you're so real for this, you were so right that time in the swamp, dick really DO be that good sometimes that it makes you wanna live
#squirrel plays bg3#oc: iona raedir#yeeeesh i did do The Boy's personal quest on my romance run today#yes Iona did get thoroughly Mary Shelley'd#and i think my writing mojo was also brought back by it a lil#first night back? gentle nonsexual intimacy of holding him in the tub and washing his abuser's blood out of his hair#then tucking him into her bed and letting him sleep#truly sleep; not meditate but genuinely drift into restorative slumber#atop her breast and in her arms until his eyes stop fluttering and whimpers die down into soft (adorable) snores#second night back? she's getting absolutely fucking railed into next week#but. like. sweetly. lovingly y'know.#what MATTERS is that whether it's the horrible crick in her neck from holding him all night#or.... other reasons#Iona is going to be walking a bit funny for the next few days#(i feel like my go-to for these is just to say they gave the coinpurse to Karlach and trusted her to keep everyone off the premises)#(I feel like she'd be an excellent wingwoman no matter what)#(only while Arvid is a bit discreet a bit more subtle)#(Iona is more like “listen- you don't want to be upstairs for what's about to happen. I still have grave dirt in my asscrack.”)#(“and if that's any indication of the kind of ravishing i'm about to get; we might as well call for new sheets now”)#(and Karlach is just like “I cannot decide whether that's hot or gross; respect”)
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anyway im free from my job now. all i have to say is death to the 8 to 5
#personal#the engineering chronicles#i get up around 6. out the door by 7 so i can get to my workplace before 8. i spend the 9 hours there (one hour for unpaid lunch). i get#back to my apartment at 6. that leaves me six (6) hours to myself AND THAT’S ASSUMING im not going to bed until midnight which gives me 6#hours of sleep. if i want 8 hours of sleep i need to go to bed at 10 which leaves four hours to myself. and this#is what we call living <3 cannot fucking wait to graduate and do this for the rest of my life#and this is no shade at my job specifically! my job is quite nice all things considered. but oh my god why is this the standard
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