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via-the-ghoul · 10 months

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A Hanging Dying dream forever repeating

AKA: the Via-Verse’s version of Alagadda’s origin.

After working off and on on this for months and debating whether or not I should post it, it’s finally, finally here! This takes some elements from other tales, but I made it my own lol.

Anyways, TW: mind-altering, body horror, death by childbirth, heavy usage of blood, emotional child abuse, plague (which has descriptions of killing people), religious themes, child abandonment, mild gore, medical themes, suicide by hanging, slit throats, and someone snaps their own neck at one point, a knife’s briefly mentioned, cosmic horror, chains, brief mentions of drinking, someone plays with another person’s trauma in an attempt to manipulate them.

Sorry about the long list of TWs, but it’s just text, no pictures.

Anyways, here we go! (The document this is saved on is 12 pages long what is wrong with me lol)

Have you ever heard of Alagadda? Probably not, most haven’t these days. It was a kingdom long ago, before it became something else at the cost of memory. Do you wish to know what happened? …Good.

It all started as most stories do: before anything noteworthily weird happened. There was a king, there was a queen, she was pregnant, they loved each other very much, and the kingdom loved them. Nothing that made it seem too different from most kingdoms.

Except, of course, for one thing. The king had a certain secret, one that would hand the ink and pen to the hands of fate for Alagadda.

He had a love for forbidden magics. His nights spent at the Wanderer’s Library, writing the names of Gods and various sights across the sea of universes. Eventually, the Way he used just closed up, but that didn’t matter. He already had what he needed to grant his greatest wish.

Dyo’s surroundings felt like a dream to him. A faint memory of a dream from centuries back, that was what this was. He knew he wasn’t in Alagadda anymore, and he felt off. Was this fear, or bewilderment? And what were these colors? And why wasn’t this entirely unfamiliar?

He could hear birds chirping somewhere on his left. Why was the sound’s location so clear? And what kind of birds were these, with a song so beautiful and clear, something he could sing along to if he possessed vocal chords?

What was this strange, new, beautiful world? The sky above him, it was blue? Was that the word for it? Why did he know the word?

Gosh, if only he still had his body. Then he could investigate this strange new world he was thrown into. See the birds. Maybe sing.

The king wished that him, his queen, and his future child would live forever. The kingdom loved them, and he loved his queen, so there was no problem he could think of. Plus he had a common trait to most mortals: thantophobia. He was a strange man driven by fear. Not very strange, actually, when comparing him to others.

He whispered into the abyss, and three brothers answered. The youngest draped in darkness, his pale face standing out with a sliver grin. The middle a strange mismash of armor and arms, dust and clutter. The eldest of pale colors, faced in pure shadows and towering over the night sky. Three ways to die. A deal was made, a game of cards for immortality.

He fought for this immortality, he really did. He was able to top the two younger. But the eldest defeated him, far, far too easily, crushing the built up hope. And then they returned to the shadows without a word, leaving him alone.

The queen gave birth three days later. The child survived, but she faded away. The child didn’t cry, covered in their mother’s blood. The king didn’t understand why, and did not hold the child. So they remained, wrapped in dark clothes by the midwife, for someone else to take care of.

Time seemed to return to a familiar melding for Dyo. He couldn’t tell how many hours it took before the sun began to set. He knew that soon, a familiar night would appear. He felt strangely sad, he rather liked this new day. But he couldn’t really hear the birds anymore, and he was rather tired of being stuck in one place. Perhaps something familiar would help this horrid wait for some poor soul to come across him.

However, a new sound came from his right. Faint, but approaching. He had heard variations of this sound back home, and it sometimes appeared in this new daytime, but never was the crushing of leaves back home, and never was it approaching him here.

Footsteps. The stepper was probably wearing boots, from the sound of it. He honestly couldn’t wait, he really wanted to move around this new world. See the birds. He wondered what new colors they would be.

The footsteps got closer and closer, until finally a shadow covered Dyo. He could feel himself smiling. He never smiled back home. He could get used to this new world. He felt a gloved hand grab him, and hold it up to the mysterious face of the new being. The face…

It was probably the most horrific face Dyo had ever seen.

The plague came after that. Sores spotted the people of the kingdom, blood and bile coming from screeching mouths. The screams of the people echoing in the streets for years. The inescapable smell of death. But the king never heard them, never smelled rot or tasted bile.

The king had hidden deep in his castle, sobbing, mourning his queen, and only his queen for all those years. Unaware of the state of his people. He had put the lords in charge of it all, the kingdom and his child. His child…

His child grew strange. They were quiet, and rarely smiled, but weren't mean. They did try to help the people, as much as a child could. Sometimes, when there was no hope that someone would survive, they would sit by their side until they fell, no matter how the doctors warned against it. Strangely, the child never grew ill themself. Despite most people accepting the child, there were… rumors about the kid. Whispers of being the devil’s child and witchcraft, which the child somewhat heard. They didn’t believe it, but… it explained why their father never played with them like other fathers did.

10 years after it all, the king finally listened, having returned from his sorrows. He heard the screams. He saw the blood, and he saw the corpses. But he didn’t blame himself, no.

He blamed the child. He accused them of not being his child, of having been a spirit possessing them sent by the brothers to torment him, bringing the plague with them wherever they went. A monster that must have killed the real child.

The child didn’t understand. They had never met their father before this, but they heard they weren’t supposed to do this. They were supposed to love their children. That was what they saw with the fathers in the street. Was this why he never showed himself? Were they really a monster? A fake? Were those whispers right?

The king ordered the child to be locked away in their room, and never let out. Proclaimed them to be a contamination spreading monster. Some believed and some didn’t, but the ones that didn’t didn’t do anything to stop it.

Perhaps they were supposed to be locked away, perhaps there was something wrong with them. That was what they wondered, anyway. Their father hid away from them for so long, after all. Perhaps this was the reason. Perhaps they were born of dust and shadows, their mother unable to bear the beast she created. Perhaps everyone was right, perhaps they doomed the townsfolk they loved by existing.

The child began to cry.

There was something completely off about the figure’s face. It had the same mask-face as the people back home, but there was something off about its construction. The mask felt too organic, the yellow eyes uncovered, sunken deep in its head. Too expressive, too wrong, that was the eyes. It’s eyes, something changed in Dyo upon seeing the creature’s eyes.

Memories began to appear in his head, of long before, of a state of wakefulness, of trees and blue birds, and colors! So many forgotten colors, bright orange paints like the sky when the sun rose, the green grass and trees he could get lost in, a blue sky, a blue sky! And purple, purple was his closest friend’s favorite.

His childhood friend. The king’s child. By the stars, the king had a child! Why couldn’t he remember more about this lost child?! What happened to them?

Dyo didn’t see the strangely beautiful abomination for long, as it wordlessly put it in a dark brown bag. Brown, he could remember the color of tree trunks and dying leaves and the child’s eyes. The child…

Though now he was in darkness, he could tell the entity would let him out sooner or later, it had too. Perhaps there were more wonderful joys he had forgotten that the entity would show him. Though, why weren’t all these joys back home? Why were they hidden away? And what happened to his friend…

The king tried again the next morning. He knew he may not be able to resurrect his wife, or his child, but he was willing to try to give himself immortality again. Not with the brothers, of course. He simply called into the void, hoping someone, anyone would answer.

Something did come out, draped in dark robes and with a hidden face behind bandages, if it even had a face. They called themself an ambassador of a faceless being. They promised the king much more than immortality. They said they could make the king a God. A God… a God could bring back his wife and child. A God would never die. He could have it all, as long as he did what the thing said. The king smiled for the first time in ten years.

Meanwhile, our child looked out their window. A small wave to a boy their age they got along with, but the boy didn’t see. Perhaps the boy would forget about them. And they’d be up here forever. If they weren't such a clever child, perhaps they would try to jump out the open window. Alas, the child didn’t wish to die. Maybe not wanting to sacrifice themselves for the kingdom was part of being a monster. Not wanting to kill the twisted, sick devil that cursed the town-

It was at that time a crow landed at the window. The child liked crows, even though their father didn’t, as they were always nearby when they went to visit their mother’s grave, back before the tower. It was strangely comforting to them. So the child then took a piece of lavender from their shelf. It died when they plucked it, and it was rotting, being here for years, but the child didn’t care. They placed the lavender in front of the crow, and it picked it up. It almost seemed to smile before flying off. The child felt better. Maybe they were not a monster. Crows seemed more trustworthy than the king anyway.

Time was melding again in the bag. Or perhaps it was Dyo not liking the dark. It felt like he was floating in the darkest void, where no one could hear him scream, even if he had the vocal cords necessary. Gosh, perhaps the entity would give Dyo a body so he could actually talk!

A sudden blast of light and another gloved hand later, he was out of the bag. Apparently the entity lived in some sort of cave. He could make out some sort of cloth in the background. He didn’t know why, but Dyo figured it was called a blanket. People… slept on blankets. They never slept back in Allagadda.

He saw a table with another cloth on it, this one not a blanket for sleep. It was soaked in red blood. Medical cloth. This was a doctor of some sort. The entity placed him on said table, laying on the cave’s wall. The blood was dry, but the blanket was somewhat wet. Attempts of cleaning blood that never really worked. The doctor stared at him, before staying one sentence, in a dark, echoey voice.

“I know you are alive.”

Three years passed, and the kingdom grew strange. The king started to paint over anything that wasn’t black, white, yellow, or red. His favorite colors. More people started to wear masks, masquerade masks, forever. No one seemed to question any of this, and just went along.

The child meanwhile, disappeared. They had attempted escape twice before, and the lack of fighting back once they were caught again made them think escape wouldn’t be much of an issue. As the plague had been fading out, the king simply assumed they returned to the darkness they came from. This is not what happened, they merely escaped, without anyone noticing this time. Though some suspicion was casted on the new young court jester, theories they let out the kid, nothing ever came of it.

The child had grabbed a mask and ran off with it. No one was to see their face, no one was to know who they were. They cut their hair and changed their name. They ran to the town doctor, and claimed to be an orphan child seeking apprenticeship. The doctor took pity on the kid, and took them in. No one realized who they really were. No one claimed them a child of the devil, or a witch.

Dyo wished he could respond to this, he really could. He really wished that he and the entity could have spoken this whole time, about the sky, and the birds, and all these questions that were in his metaphorical brain. But he had no host, and he couldn’t look into this thing’s mind. Maybe he was still getting used to this dimension? He simply frowned. The entity tilted his head a bit.

“Huh, I thought you could still speak in this state. I must have overestimated you, my apologies. Hold on.” The entity picked him up again, and flipped Dyo around. Now they could only see the cave wall. The entity better have a good explanation for this when he actually gets a body.

He could still hear, however. He could hear the bag opening, tools being taken out, as well as something soft. Sewing, wet tearing sounds, soft fleshy noises? How did he not feel any of those in the bag!? And why did the entity think he wouldn’t want to see this over a boring old cave wall?

After what seemed like hours, he was flipped back around to see the entity’s crude creation. Flesh draped over bones, a tear in the “face” to simulate a mouth, bulging eyes and no hair. A small mannikin of flesh.

“I could have done better, but you will just destroy it anyway. No use wasting more spare parts than necessary.” The entity sighed before placing Dyo over its face.

Finally, he was getting pretty bored.

The years went on. No one mentioned the king’s child anymore. It was getting harder to see any colors that weren’t the king’s favorite, even in the yellowing sky.

The people began to change as well. They seemed to be losing themselves, more and more thinking merely of parties and wine. It didn’t affect everyone, but most that weren’t inflicted ran to other kingdoms. Eventually, the only people not affected were the town doctor, and our child. Our child…

Our child wasn’t much of a child anymore, and despite having hid it so well, they never forgot their past. They could still be found laying the last bits of rotting lavender at the Queen’s grave. Sometimes, they’d talk to the crows, simple little greetings, but still.

You see, that one crow in the old prison, it would come back. The child would talk to it eventually, when they ran out of lavender. They were friends. Once, the crow even gave a piece of rotting lavender to the child. They never forgot that. They even took it with them when they escaped, though they had now lost that decaying flower. The child spoke better with crows than people since then.

Though one day, 20 years after the day the king first invoked the three brothers, it was time for the final step of the thing’s plan. No one could have guessed. No one but the king knew the thing. And the king was too entranced to question its word. No one could have guessed what it wanted.

“Thank you, you do not know how frustrating it is to need to talk but have no mouth! I am sincerely grateful-”

“Why are you here?”

“...Huh?”

“Why are you here and not… there?” The entity’s voice was cold and stern. Clearly not a fan of Alagadda.

“Oh, right, I was so ungratefully thrown out of my home for daring to be worried about my king, daring to question the ambassador, daring to care about my people!” Dyo was still, admitting, getting used to puppeting a body in this world, and this body didn’t have all the necessary parts to move, but he tried dramatically throwing his hand to his face and his other hand where his heart would be. The intent could probably be read however, judging by the entity’s reaction.

“Sounds about right. There is no care in that kingdom, no sense. The moment someone begins to fall out of line…”

“Not a fan huh?”

“Of course not! That kingdom is an artery in the body of the pestilence. It is filled with animal instincts, only chaos, consuming, destruction with no rhyme or reason, and that ambassador would not have it any other way.”

“...Have you been there before?” A potential way back. As much as he liked this new world, he did want to go back. He couldn’t get revenge without going back. The entity hesitated before giving their answer.

“Yes. I am waiting until I have made enough progress on my cure to retur-”

“How did you get there? Have some unfinished business I need to, well, finish.” The entity froze. Something about that question thawed away all that cold from the entity. In there, somewhere, was something afraid to lose him.

“You… Want to go back there? What could there be to justify entering that place again, when you have just begun to find yourself again?”

Dyo tilted the fleshy thing’s head, and paused.

They found the king in the middle of his court, hanging by a rope. But no one seemed to care. They simply threw him in the grave, not bothering to remove the rope or even bury him. He just laid there, as crows feasted on the body. Even the town doctor, so far unaffected by anything, found herself uncaring to the king. Her apprentice never really cared for the king at all anyway.

That night, however, they still couldn’t sleep. They still wondered what could have happened to prompt this, so they looked out the window. What if the king really did love them, and this was their fault? No, that couldn’t be the case. Perhaps they’d see a crow outside, something to ground them in reality.

However, they didn’t see that. Instead, they saw… something slowly moving, for walking or even stepping didn’t feel right, through the street, rope around their neck. They couldn’t make out a single other feature, but enough was enough, and they could read context clues, they were not sticking around any longer. The town was going mad, and the apprentice and the doctor could not do anything about it. They had to leave, they had to. They panicked, putting on their mask, before they ran downstairs in an attempt to get their superior out with them…

The doctor was dead. Simply lying there, throat slit. Knife next to her. Blood was everywhere around her. Far too much blood for this type of wound.

The apprentice was horrified, and ran outside. It didn’t matter how, they had to get out of here as quickly as possible, and never look back. They’d mourn later.

But as they ran, they heard something behind them. Something was chasing them, but that wasn’t what they heard. It must have been floating, as they could also hear faint sounds of wind. No, the apprentice heard the thing talk. The voice sounded like a wind chime, neutral and sing-song. The apprentice didn’t want to listen to what it was saying. It clearly had bad intentions.

“THIS IS MY KINGDOM NOW. ACCEPT YOUR DESTINY AND TURN AROUND.”

The apprentice just kept running, and running, and not turning back. This wasn’t a home anymore. They didn’t know anything about the thing, but they knew the thing didn’t have good intentions. They knew their kingdom wouldn’t be a good place to be. Especially with the blood they felt on the ground.

And they did it. They ran all the way out. Perhaps they were tired, perhaps they thought they were safe, but they looked back. They’d never been anywhere else before.

A chain wrapped around their torso. Knocking them down, pulling them back into the kingdom, back with that… thing.

“YOU FOOLISH, FOOLISH CREATURE. YOUR DYING BLOOD WILL FLOW TO THE HIDDEN ONE, AND YOU SOUL WILL ROT IN YOUR COT FOREVERMORE. NO ONE WILL REMEMBER YOU. IT IS YOUR PURPOSE.”

The apprentice was terrified, they really were, but they didn’t show it. They knew damn well that no matter where this was going, they would die. But they knew the thing wanted them to bleed as they died. So maybe, if they died bloodlessly, they’d be safe from the… thing. They didn’t know, but they didn’t want this thing to have their soul. If they were right, perhaps they’d be somewhere safe, far away from this thing. Perhaps their mom would be there. Their knowledge of anatomy left them with one real option now, even if they were scared to die. It was on their own terms, at least.

Before the apprentice could fully be dragged back into the town, they wrapped their shaking hands around their own neck, and turned it as hard as they could.

“...what do you mean by finding myself? I’ve always known myself!” Dyo smiled, trying to ignore how much he only remembered after waking up here. That didn’t mean he wasn’t the same old Dyo. The entity’s head tilted.

“Alagadda used to not be a dream-state pocket world. It was a kingdom here once, until the Ambassador appeared. He changed people into caricatures of themselves obsessed with the king. Take yourself, for instance.” Dyo wasn’t smiling anymore. He could remember it now, figments of what Alagadda was. Blue sky. Their friend, the king’s child, a child around his age at the time, who he was close with, but disappeared one day, and then everything was foggy.

“When I knew you, you loved theater so much. You were so happy, I remember your smile so well, even after all this time. You wanted to be an actor. You became the court jester instead, suddenly obsessed with the king. It took a toll on you. You were miserable the last time I saw you, and when we met again today, I assumed you were warped so much that you were just… gone.”

Dyo remembered a lot more as they said this. The theater. There was a theater, where no actors killed themselves at the end. Where dying in the play didn’t mean anything for you. He had wanted to be there, with the actors themselves. They seemed to be having so much fun, and he’d practice his silly little improvised monologues to his friend. His friend, his only friend at the time…

They still couldn’t remember who this entity was. Strange. Maybe if he played his cards right, he could get the entity to jog his memory…

“I missed you. I mourned you. I, I should stop. This is a lot to take in-”

“No, please continue. Who, who was I, to you?”

It didn’t matter, it didn’t matter, it didn’t have to matter! The king doubted this kid even existed, they didn’t have to be in the kingdom. It wouldn’t affect the plan at all. They were entirely optional, and had willingly thrown away a chance at eternity. Strange. They did not accept the purpose of being locked away forever. So they left the child to rot away, feasted on by bugs and crows.

The king was hanging at their throne again, twitching, faint breaths, but no words. The three lords and the court jester each also hanged in a different corner of the court, each noose done too tight, blood dripping from their necks. The Ambassador held up a golden cup, and blood, all of the blood throughout the entire kingdom, flowed into it. The Ambassador went to the twitching, shaking king, who began to slowly reach for the figure.

“WITH THESE, THEIR BLOOD, IT IS THE HANGED KING’S.”

They held up the cup for the king, who held it himself. He held the cup behind his veil, to his small, rotting lips. He began to sip from the cup.

And then he dropped it.

“...We were close, very close.” The entity said. Dyo simply waited for them to continue, but they didn’t.

“...And…”

“My apologies. I tend not to dwell on the past, considering how warped the kingdom has become, so I tend not to talk about it. No one has heard of the kingdom anyway.”

“Heh. Strange that I can’t remember you though. Can you turn into a bird or something?” the entity let out the smallest of laughs.

“No, no, I just was successful in leaving my old life behind.”

In all fairness, Dyo wasn’t entirely honest anymore. His disappeared friend and this mysterious person claiming to have been his friend… it couldn’t entirely be a coincidence. But something felt… off. Something else happened. This wasn’t just an Alagaddan who left, something changed about them. Sure, there was no influence from the Ambassador, but there was something else Dyo couldn’t put a metaphorical finger on. Maybe if they played their cards right, he could get the figure to reveal it. Reveal if they could be friends again.

“Well then, what’s your new life like? This boring old cave doesn’t really jog the imagination, you know?” Maybe they’d give away a God or two with the details.

“I seek to cure the pestilence.”

“For anyone in particular?”

“Humanity.”

“...Why, though?”

“I believe that curing such a horrible ailment is simply the right thing to do, and it is why I am still here.”

Ok this wasn’t going anywhere. Why they are still here, though…

“What do you mean, why you’re still here? What happened to you?”

The hanged king was dead, the hanged king was alive. The kingdom was dead, the kingdom was alive. No one was truly dead, and the only one truly alive was the Ambassador, the real one in control. Everything was on repeat. Everyone would go through the motions of partying, drinking, forever and ever. The kingdom didn’t exist and it did exist. It was somewhere else. No one back on Earth remembered it.

Everyone would go through their motions, like a play, of sorts. Everyone had their roles to play. The lords walked with the people, and the king wrigged and withered chained on his throne, but the Ambassador was the one in charge. It was like a dream for them. Everyone only remembered what they wanted them to remember, and that didn’t include that child.

That child… the Ambassador barely thought about them. They were dead. They were dead, and they’d never know what the kingdom became. That was that.

The Ambassador was intelligent. They knew everything that had gone done in the walls of the kingdom, the many that entered, the few who’d left. They had trapped another goddess, one of the moon, in a cycle of trying to destroy the king, being attacked and almost killed by them, before returning to the sky to rest, before coming down again once per year. They even had found a use for the prison meant to contain that child, keeping the bird who’d betrayed the queen in there before repeating the cycle. They knew a lot.

But they were not entirely correct about that child.

“Whatever do you mean by that, Dyo?”

“It sounds like something should’ve killed you, but didn’t. Whatever happened-”

“Enough about me. I am afraid I have come across much more selfish than I truly am, I do not wish to dwell any more on me, let alone my past.”

“No, no. Tell me what happened. Now.” Dyo was getting impatient. This being clearly was hiding something. Dyo didn’t like when things were hidden. He needed to know it all.

“No.”

“I don’t think you know what’s really happened to me, do you? I… I am royalty these days! You better explain exactly who you are now!” Dyo forced the body up, and stared down the being. They didn’t look like much, muscle-wise.

“No.”

“You have no one, do you? That’s why you’re all alone here. No one would miss you if I were to-”

The entity ripped the mask right off the body, cutting Dyo off.

“I really let myself hope…” it said. Its eyes were filled with fire. But now, Dyo felt a bit more… comfortable here. He could speak in the entity’s mind.

“How rude. I bet if your father cared about you he’d be very disappointed.”

Dyo couldn’t really see where the entity was taking him, but that remark seemed to make them go faster. Seemed to, as they were rather slow either way.

“Why are you gripping me so hard? I thought we were friends!”

“We were, yes. You have made it clear that we are not now.” They did loosen up a bit though. Nice to know Dyo had found a way under their skin.

“Didn’t you miss me?”

“Yes, and I still do. Here we are.”

They were back in that field. A couple of dark birds flew off as they arrived. Maybe they were the same ones from before, maybe not.

The entity left him on the ground, face down, before beginning to leave. Dyo could not believe this rudeness!

“Hey, don’t leave me like this! At least let me see the stars!”

The entity didn’t respond.

It all started unlike how most stories do, with a young human snapping their own neck in a final act of defiance towards a God. Said God had then returned to their kingdom, but the human had woken up somewhere else.

Said somewhere wasn’t too different from the place they left, but there were more trees, and there was no kingdom. Or was there? It was very dark, the person couldn’t tell. Was this what death was like? They slowly got up, putting a hand on a tree. No reason to stay here all alone, when they could explore this strange world. …Until he heard a coo behind him.

Turning around, they saw someone. A crow. The person let out a small smile.

“Hello,” Said the human. After everything that happened that night, it was nice to see something, anything familiar. They sat down in front of the crow.

And then it wasn’t a crow. It was a being wearing shadows like a robe over their pale body. Its gray eyes stared into the person, into all they ever were. Horrible and beautiful.

“Oh.” The human did not react with fear, or even shock. Strangely, the figure still brought them comfort. Perhaps the being had been there their whole life, under the appearance of the crow. Perhaps it was some sort of guardian angel. Or perhaps it was one strange coincidence. It didn’t matter anymore.

“GREETINGS.” A voice akin to if whispers in the darkness spoke loudly instead came from the thing.

The two simply sat there for a bit. Until they began to talk again. About the kingdom, and about the thing that warped it in its own image. About the thing that drove it. About the curse that was still in the human’s blood, even if they escaped the kingdom. Even if their mind was clean. This burning red malice, it still lingered in the kingdom. In humanity. And whether they liked it or not, the human was a part of this now.

A deal was struck there. The king was never correct about their child’s identity, they were never some spreader of disease sent by the brothers to torment the king. They were merely a child who wanted to help the people of Alagadda. But they were not a mere child anymore, and the people of Alagadda could not be helped anymore either. They were consumed by a plague of madness, one the human could never hope to stop with what they currently knew.

So, the human would perfect a cure to the madness of spilt blood, eradicate it, and then they would return to the darkness they were in now. Or die trying. This was to be the human’s purpose, to cleanse the red-stained madness, one they took without hesitation. Only once it was gone, or if the physical burden on their rotten form grew too much, should they return here. To be a savior, to free the people of Alagadda, and help this… thing, that the king was wrong to use as an insult, who was better family than the king. This was something that the human accepted.

…Oh, who am I kidding?

They were not human anymore.

Come on, where was it? They knew it was somewhere in this journal- aw, there it was, right at the beginning. A simple list of names. Not every name, just the ones they could remember. A collection of them, lined up neatly. So many still unaccounted for.

The people of Alagadda. All gone from life and from memory. They couldn’t hope to remember every single name, but they put the ones they could here, as a memorial. It was necessary, since they were the only one who could mourn Alagadda.

They had hesitated at first, reading his name again, but it was needed at this point. His name was one of the first ones written, as the memories of him were some of the fresher, even now. They were close once, very close. But he changed. Sure, the kingdom changed everyone, but once away from the kingdom, he was still much more cruel. They did not wish for any part of this man to be remembered anymore, but they couldn’t just erase it. They couldn’t erase that boy who saw he was having a bad day and created poetry on the spot just to make them feel better, playing in the flowers, laughing together…

The doctor crossed out Dyo’s name. Never again, not even in death. Never ever, ever again. That boy was gone.

…Though, they figured the old them was gone too. They were not a quiet child worried about a father who never looked at him with love. They couldn’t care less about the king anymore. They were helping people now. They were untraceable to the kingdom now, no one needed to know, no one, no one.

No matter. It still hurt, just how much the two had grown apart. Perhaps it was meant to be, the two being driven apart. Maybe they should’ve stopped being sentimental and smashed the damned mask to smithereens.

This was why they didn’t sleep that night. What if Dyo came back? What if somehow, he saw the light? Or what if he came back to attack them again, and they had another chance to crush him?

But all throughout the night, Dyo did not return. It was quiet. Under different circumstances, they believed it would have been calming. But they couldn’t relax, Dyo could show up again, or someone sick could show up at their door needing help.

But as the sun rose, no one showed up. A part of them was sad Dyo didn’t show up again, but they buried that part of themselves. Their time as a child, as an allagadan, ended centuries ago. They were a professional, a doctor, they couldn’t keep thinking about the past, there were people they needed to save.

#via #via rambles #scp #scp foundation #scp fandom #scp alagadda #scp 2264 #the hanged king #the ambassador #scp three brothers death #the three brothers #scp three brothers #scp 035 #scp 049

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stiles-hoodie · 6 months

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Life With Derek and Taylor Swift Songs

Songs I associate with Life With Derek, mainly Dasey, from Taylor Swift, and the stories I imagine in my head instead of properly writing them (until now, I guess) If there's any I missed that you have ideas for let me know, and yes this is long.

Tim McGraw: Casey Mcdonald and the way her blue eyes shine. Honestly, this is the type of song Casey would write. It’s cute, storytelling, and detailed. I imagine her writing this song not based on her experience but on a day when her hopeless romantic side feels sad. She imagines what she hopes to have but does not have. She wrote it when she first moved in with the Venturi’s or before Nora and George met.

Picture To Burn: There’s the obvious answer, where this could be about any of Casey’s exes. But honestly, I imagine Casey being dramatic and writing this song after Vicky kissed that boy she had a crush on. Or Vicky dating another guy Casey liked after the guy used Casey to get close to Vicky.

Tear Drops On My Guitar: Another song about Casey being dramatic. But also Derek sad boy hours. He’s glumly playing his guitar and that inspires Casey to write the song, since she doesn’t own a guitar. But don’t tell Derek she wrote a song inspired by him, and don’t tell Casey what that implies… she’ll figure it out eventually…

A Place In This World: Casey Mcdonald. I think this one doesn’t really need an explanation, to be honest.

Cold As You: Could possibly be about Dennis or Abby walking away, but I honestly can’t think of anything for this one. Maybe Casey writes something like this about Vicky after being really mean at one point.

Tied Together With A Smile: Derek Venturi. This could be seen in Casey too a little bit, but she doesn’t try to appear as perfectly fine a lot of the time. She does when it comes to school stuff, but not with her emotions. Derek is the one to put on a fake smile, make a joke and manage to hide what he feels a lot of the time. Even if he isn’t hiding it well, he still isn’t as open about it right away.

The Outside: When Casey first starts at her new school

Stay Beautiful: Cory’s eyes are like a jungle and his butt is gonna sue! I regret nothing. Could be a cute Dasey song, but I just keep remembering Corey Plunkett.

Should’ve Said No: Truman or Scott the cheating scums

Mary’s Song (Oh My My My): Dasey or Nora and George. I personally imagine Casey finding an old journal of Felicia’s and writing this about some of the entries. Maybe it was about Felicia and her husband before the divorce or an old high school romance.

I’m Only Me When I’m With You: Smarti and Smerek. Or the entire family together

Fearless: Dasey. Enough said.

Fifteen: “In your life, you’ll do things greater than dating the boy on the football team.” This song is just so Casey coded and with everything that happened with Max I feel like Casey just really needed a song like this at the time and i see this being one of her favourite songs from Taylor.

Love Story: Dasey. I have this idea called The Shakespeare Debate it’s still a working idea, but it is Dasey. It’s basically Casey being really into plays and thinking Derek doesn’t respect them, Derek being really into film and script analysis and actually enjoying the dark tragedies of shakespeares plays. I also kind of made a whole debate scene where Derek manages to bring up Carrie while talking about Romeo and Juliet just to confuse Casey and end the conversation, but it actually makes sense and that confuses her even more.

White Horse: I just find this song so pretty and Casey being very into fairytales she would totally be into white horses

You Belong With Me: Emily whenever Derek is seeing a girl that isn’t her. Especially when he was dating Kendra

The Way I Loved You: Dasey

The Best Day: God smiles on my little brother, inside and out he’s better than I am. Makes me think of Derek and Edwin. I see Derek actually thinking very highly of Edwin and with his self esteem he probably thinks of everyone very highly compared to himself.

Change: Casey might be scared of change, but I see this song with her.

Superstar: Derek Venturi

Crazier: “Not telling her is driving me crazy.” Dasey. After the whole Scott thing and Derek realises he likes Casey. He hates himself for writing such a sappy song, but he also likes that he managed to write a song.

Mine: So freaking Dasey coded are you kidding me!

Back To December: Derek and Kendra

Speak Now: Derek when Casey married Peter. The kids are against George and Nora getting married in the beginning. Everyone going against Fiona’s wedding because dear god that was awful

Mean: Seems like a song Casey would write

Never Grow Up: Smarti and Smerek

Enchanted: Imagine after junior prom Derek with his guitar in the white jacket. Or maybe it’s sitting nicely draped over the foot of his bed as he is sitting on the floor at the foot of his bed after leaving early once Sally’s boyfriend comes to whatever diner they ended up in. He hears Casey, Max, Sheldon and Emily pull up from his windows at the front of the house as he writes a song about how he realised he’s in love with Casey that night when he saw her coming down the stairs to the living room in a beautiful dress that he actually found, not Emily.

Better Than Revenge: Dedicated to Vicky and Truman. CD Rock totally performed this and Derek was very encouraging of the anger.

Haunted: My favourite song on the album and I mainly think about Dasey just because of the sound. The orchestra rock sound is a perfect combination for Derek and Casey. It can be loosely inspired by Derek and Caseys anger towards Dennis and Abby after they left. It could simply be a song one of them wrote or they both wrote together, after a breakup. The fic idea i have is Derek writing this based more so on an actual haunted experience and from hearing ghost stories. Casey's classical did inspire him a little bit.

Last Kiss: I imagine this being a cute song for Sally and Derek when she moves to Vancouver. But also “I'm not one for dancing but for you I did.” Works for both Dasey and Sally and Derek. He did take her to the dance.

Long Live: Just Life With Derek as a show

Ours: Cute George and Nora song. Felicia was against them, the kids had to grow with it. It just a cute song for them too me.

Electric Touch: A CD Rock song sung by Casey and Derek. The first time Derek manages to actually sing in front of people properly without psyching himself out.

I Can See You: Dasey. But also (even though I don't ship them) I can see this as a Truman and Casey song when she's in her rebellious phase

Castles Crumbling: After Casey breaks up with Max and she quits cheerleading, and she is trying to find herself again. Also her transition from being popular at her old boarding school and starting at a public school. The haunting feel to it makes me think of haunted and since its a duet makes me think of Derek and Casey working on this song together after her and Max breakup, which is after the episode where Casey helps him write a song for Sally. They work together on a few songs after the episode.

Timeless: The epitome of Dasey for me. Just like Mine. I see both Casey and Derek writing this song by themselves, but I really like the idea of Derek writing it though.

Safe and Sound: In Life With Luca Skylar mentioned that Derek would sing her to sleep because the dark freaked her out. I just imagine this as a lullaby he would sing to her and Marti with his guitar.

State of Grace: Dasey

Red: Casey reflecting on her relationship with Max possibly. Derek and Casey write it together and that's where we get the guitar solo

Treacherous: Dasey

I Knew You Were Trouble: Casey dedicates this to Truman

All Too Well: Someone made a really good edit to the 10 minute version for Dasey

I Almost Do: Derek almost tells Casey his feelings multiple times. Wants to call her multiple times while he's out of the country as well, and she wants to call him multiple times despite being with Peter.

Never Ever Getting Back Together: Casey and Sams on again off again relationship

Stay Stay Stay: I can picture Derek showing up in his hockey helmet after his first fight with Kendra.

Last Time: Dasey duet… possibly

Everything Has Changed: “freckles in your smile” Duet with Derek playing guitar.

The Moment I Knew: change up a few lyrics this can be used for absent parents on someone's birthday. I picture this one from Derek's perspective, though since it mentions Christmas lights and I'm Sixteen Smartplugs aired on November 5th, making him a November baby. I don't know the date production wise.

Better Man: Same as The Moment I Knew, but with Casey and Dennis. Some minor changes and the song works well with a dad who wasn't around.

A Message In A Bottle: “You got me hypnotised, by freckles and bright eyes.” this entire song I feel like Casey would dedicate to Derek. She might've been late in telling Derek her feelings before he left for Paris, but this was the best she could do.

Welcome To New York: Casey's year in New York

Blank Space: I think this works for Derek's persona he had in the beginning of the show. Casey definitely viewed him this way before finding out he's actually a really good date.

Style: Dasey. Sidenote: I also picture Derek having his bisexual moment in College with this song. Derek can have his James Dean and his feelings for Casey at the same time.

Out Of The Woods: Dasey

Shake It Off: Someone made a really good edit for Casey to this song. But also Dereks crazy legs. That's enough said.

Wildest Dreams: Dasey

This Love: Dasey

I Know Places: Dasey. Also Derek's secret boyfriend while his band takes off. I have a full story idea about that. I guess his hidden relationship with Skylar's mom works as well.

Clean: Derek eventually having to let go of Casey after she marries Peter and has Luca.

You're In Love: Dasey

Dancing With Our Hands Tied: Dasey. There's a nice edit to this song someone made as well.

Cruel Summer: “He looks up grinning like the devil!” I'd so Derek coded you can't tell me otherwise.

The Archer: Casey and her anxiety, but also Derek and his which isn't as obvious then Casey's but she can see through him when it does come up the same way he can see through her.

Miss Americana and The Heartbreak Prince: Dasey. “Ripped up my prom dress.”

The 1: Dasey

Exile: “you never gave a warning sign” “I gave so many signs.” I feel like this part in particular is very Dasey coded. But Derek is Taylor's POV and Casey is Bon Iver's. Derek gave so many signs about his feelings for Casey, but Casey took longer to noticed then took even longer to finally think about the possibility to actually give it a try, by then though Derek left for Paris. I don't believe he just up and left with no warning, he definitely had his warnings Casey was either in New York or wasn't taking them seriously. Our boy tried leaving for Spain and Vancouver he was wanting to leave for a while, once he finally had a good reason he took it and the reason was 100% Skylar's mom going to Paris while pregnant.

This Is Me Trying: both Derek and Casey can relate to this one. Lizzie can throw into the mix too, especially in Vacation With Derek.

Illicit Affairs: Dasey. Theres a really good edit to this as well.

Tis The Damn Season: Dasey

Tolerate It: Even without knowing too much about Peter, I think this works for how Casey feels about her marriage. This could also work for a lot of her relationships on the show as well. Max and Sam were simply tolerating her feelings, but that's really it.

Anti-hero: both Casey and Derek coded

You're On Your Own Kid: I see this more for Derek.

Midnight Rain: I can see this working for Dasey

Question…?: I can see this working for Dasey as well.

Paris: I think this one is pretty obvious.

Hope you enjoyed this!

#dasey #derek x casey #life with derek #life with luca

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acertainmoshke · 7 months

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Falling Petals

So. I am working on 4 projects right now, and I swore I wouldn't start another until one of them is done. So I won't. But I couldn't stop thinking about my next project, Falling Petals, a generational story about autism and trauma, and so I'm writing ABOUT it so I can move on and go back to actually writing a current project.

It takes place over 4 generations, and exactly 100 years.

We start with Ira, a Jewish boy born to immigrants right at the start of the Great War. A boy who sees the beauty and the poetry in the world around him, but not in the people. A clever boy who loves learning but has little use for school. Who doesn’t feel pain right and outwardly uses touching hot pots as a party trick to make the other boys admire him, but internally is always seeking sensation. Whose blunt honesty and humorous comments have a certain charm, who knows strange facts and can talk for hours about minute details until the people he initially had laughing and hanging on his words get bored and wander off.

Ira, a boy who came of age during the Great Depression and got left behind as friends went to college or got married. Who told himself he was happy to write poetry, take pictures, and read endless books while working in his father’s store. He charmed the girls who came in but never got past a first date. His few real friends were gone and the neighbors avoided him. He was really alone with only his books, camera, and mitzvot for company. Because, yes, he went to shul every week. He struggled to understand human reasoning, but the rules made sense to him and he followed them more stringently than his parents.

Ira, who his parents gave up on ever marrying until he started to spend time with Joy. She was from his synagogue and, unlike the other girls, she debated him back about philosophy. She wrote her own poetry and read enough to keep up with him. They were soon married, and Ira kept obliviously talking about his own interests and making jokes at her expense, not noticing as she got quieter.

Ira, who amidst the terror of World War II—which he was not drafted into—had four children, three boys and a girl. Ira, who adored the beauty and frozen moments of their lives but himself froze up when trying to connect to them, who wrote poetry and took pictures but then mocked them and criticized them if they ever showed the weaknesses that had failed to serve him.

Ira, who would one day be known as a crotchety old man for doing the same things he had always done.

And then there’s Daniel, born in the middle of the Shoah and always aware of that terror though an ocean separated them. A sensitive child who cried too much for a boy, whose first tormentor was his father trying to make him stronger and whose second was his older brother. A boy who longed to belong with other boys, but found no matter how he tried he didn’t. Who found solace in stories, who devoured comic books and looked forward to shul services every week in a way his siblings didn’t. The people in the stories there felt more like a family to him than his real one.

Daniel, who was eager to grow up but also smart. Who was able to learn and hide his less desirable traits. Who stopped crying and forced all his emotions down, until he began to feel low-level anger all day every day, made worse by loud noises and crowds and new situations. Who carefully watched and mimicked other people until he could come across as friendly and charming on a surface level. Who never let anyone get closer than that.

Daniel, who came of age amidst anti-war protests and the civil rights movement. Who wanted so badly to be involved but had learned never to shake things up. Who wanted to work in a library but became an architect because his father wanted it. Who wanted to be loved so badly he latched onto the first woman to show him affection, a teacher named Poppy, who buried himself even deeper than usual to earn her love, praying he would never blow up in uncontrollable anger this time.

Daniel, who swore he would be better than his father, and was. Who at least spent time with his daughters and never mocked them, but who had never learned to cope with noise and chaos and would unpredictably yell at them for it. Who always hated himself for that after but never told them that. He worked long hours because he had been taught that he could never assert himself for his needs, and this only made him less able to handle life at home. He rarely yelled at Poppy, but took it out on the girls. Especially Shoshanah, who he saw as giving in to the weakness and laziness he had always fought not to have.

Shoshanah, born amidst a time of change and reckoning and standing up for oneself. Who was a sensitive child, but that was allowed as a girl. Who was clever and full of imagination and struggled to make friends but successfully kept one school friend and played constantly and happily with her sister.

Shoshanah, who came of age in a new age of computers and arcades and neon lights. Who still seemed a child, still played with Barbies. Who read a lot and recited lists of facts but got poor grades in school, where she was overwhelmed and bullied. Whose one friend had abandoned her when their interests diverged and whose Wrongness was stark in comparison to her sister who wore hairspray and lipstick, read magazines, and went dancing with boys. Shoshanah, who still wanted to play games and make up stories and was too old to be this sensitive and hated going out in public and covered her ears at loud noises. Who found solace in novels, in writing stories, and in the familiar prayers at shul with the familiar tunes that made her feel safe and loved.

Shoshanah, who went to college all excited to learn about psychology because she didn’t understand people but was fascinated with them. Who dropped out in shame 3 years later because she couldn’t handle the social aspect or keep up with the homework. Who had to go to her sister’s law school graduation while she still lived at home and worked as a stocker at the grocery store. Who still collected Barbies and wrote novels on her grandfather’s old typewriter and spent her time alone. Whose clothes never quite matched and were always too loud.

Shoshanah, who discovered independence by living with a roommate at 30, found that she could handle responsibility when it was shared and friendship when it wasn’t teenage. Who got an entry-level position at the library and never wanted to leave. Who knew she could never handle having children, but eventually found herself love with someone who got her.

Shoshanah, who saw herself in her baby niece and swore she would never learn to hate herself for who she was.

Naomi, born into a world of rapidly changing technology where there was not even a family computer in the house the year she was born but by high school she would own her own laptop and iPod. Who never seemed able to keep up with the speed of things she wasn’t interested in, but argued rapid-fire when she understood the details. Who grew up too sensitive to sound, to light, to the way people looked at her when she didn’t know the right answer in conversation.

But also Naomi, who learned to wear headphones with no music so the world didn’t hurt. Who lived in pajama pants and long skirts and never jeans. Who cut her hair short at 12 and never went back. Who learned from her aunt that this was ok, that she was clever and beautiful. Who never felt so clever as when she went to Torah study and argued with grown adults about the finer details.

Naomi, who came of age in a world of smartphones and accommodations and who learned to advocate for herself, who got a degree in philosophy but became a book illustrator. Who shaved her head so she never had to touch her hair again, dated several women until she found one she never wanted to hide from. Who set reminders on her phone for every little part of her life, wore “actually autistic” pins in public, was never afraid to spin around when she was happy.

#I am so excited to work on this one #couldn't right now anyway though because I have to do the historical research #but also I need this story to exist SO badly #moshke writes #writeblr #falling petals

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tanetime · 10 months

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20. Does Wyneer have any interesting facts regarding his creation?

This turned into me just rambling about making Wyneer and I'm so sorry.

I made Wyneer because me and some friends at the time decided to make DST mods together. My design prompt was "a jack of all trades." I pieced together inspiration from some old noh actor OCs of mine and imagery from a song I was obsesed with at the time and got Wyneer out of it.

The face on his mask used to be a lot smaller, and his hair less angular. You can see him become more DST-animatic-like over time... it's like putting a normal dog next to a pug.

His original outfit (not pictured bc the art sucked) was a lot fancier and later became the basis for his original guest of honour skin.

Wyneer originally had no name or gender or personality at all. He was supposed to be a blank slate and exaggerate certain personality traits through his masks...

...The problem was that I didn't have any masks. It took like six months for the first ones to get concept art. In that time, Wyneer developed an identity of his own. So the masks had to change into being different 'people'.

Wyneer himself hasn't changed very much, but his masks changed a lot. Under the cut I'll talk about the masks who made it into his mod, but here's two that didn't:

A kelp based mask, who was supposed to be used during seafaring. I think they got more stats from eating raw fish to allow them to stay at sea longer? They were very creature and liked to just sit in ponds.

A beefalo-wool mask who had an affinity toward animals. I don't have a whole lot of concept art of them because I drew them once and went "that's it that's the design."

Both of these masks got cut because ultimately I couldn't come up with anything for them to do that justified them existing. I don't think they'll ever come back.

As for the ones that made it in...

now let's talk about

The Masks

Here's some quick-fire things.

1. Fright n Flight, Brave Face and Laborious were the first masks I made, and I made them all together. Fright was the first to get modded in, Brave was the first to get sprites, and Lay was the first to develop an individual personality that wasn't part of Wyneer.

For the longest time the masks in his mod looked like this because they had no designs (that's Fright on the right):

2. Brave Face and About Face only exist because their names are puns, and their mechanics are based on those puns. Boutey was supposed to be a comedy/tragedy mask until he became whatever the hell he ended up as.

3. Going back to Brave, if you'll remember I said that Wyneer's masks added to his personality originally. Back then his masks had more abstract designs and weren't designed to emote. For a very small period of time, Brave was a dragon!

There's nothing left of this iteration other than his sharp teeth.

Fright was also a monster for a bit, but this was around the time I decided to make the masks people, so they became more reminisent of human faces instead.

Brave was the hardest mask to design. He used to be blue and green and resemble actual artefacts that were supposedly made by Celtic tribes, but the colours 1. looked bad digitally 2. bore no resemblence to any materials in Don't Starve. His final design was colour-picked from Wigfrid's Winged Victory set for cohesion.

It pains me that he's now a typical movie interprenation of generic Celtic things but it does make sense that Wyneer mistakenly thought that was what he should look like...

4. About Face and Jet Black were originally the same mask. About Face was originally "a rogue that becomes a tank" so his high sanity form couldn't be noticed by enemies unless he attacked them first.

It was a bit much, and I was debating making a crow feather mask, so I split that half of Boutey into Blake's original version. It got coded in but I ultimately didn't like it and removed it.

5. Wyneer had a whooole upgrade pyramid of masks involving different seasons. The idea was that there were four masks that had a season that suited them, and you could combine the masks together to sets of pairs to ultimately form a mask that consolidated all of their perks.

I got as far as making Crimson and Azure (summer and winter) before realising that the idea sounded cool on paper but introduced a lot of masks that were going to be redundant.

Wyneer did design Jet Black with the intent of him consolidating Crimson and Azure's abilities, but that's not quite what purple gems do.

6. Nightmare Face used to glow magenta, like the other Ruins stuff. However, DST's colour cubes wash out magenta into a disgusting grey colour under certain circumstances, so I changed it to red.

Klei later did the same thing with the Nightmare Werepig. I wonder if the same realisation happened to them.

7. The masks were originally supposed to have slightly different hair and wear Wyneer's clothes differently. I did the former for Brave and Boutey and immediately realised that it would be a nightmare and stopped doing it for the remaining masks.

8. Several of Wyneer's masks are based on venetian masks.

9. Wyneer's masks had a crafting tab icon before Klei nuked it. I still think it looks cool.

10. The masks in Wyneer's mod are fully animated and have a disgusting amount of sprites. I wanted each one to feel unique, so I drew them all from scratch. It took so long to make them all that you can see me getting better or rustier between each one... it was a lot of work, but I really enjoy searching for an emotion and seeing how each one looks.

11. Wyneer's masks are so unique that they broke the Modded Skins API and as of this post the hyperspecific glitch that effects him has not been fixed. Thanks Wyneer.

...I could go on forever, but this post is way too long...

As a sendoff, here are the beta inventory icons for the masks, for no particular reason.

#tane t talks #asks #wyneer #my ocs #don't starve mod #dst oc #dst mod #long post #really long post #i am so sorry

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thedawningofthehour · 2 years

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Something I just realized in the latest chapter was Leo mentioning that Donnie used to self harm? Does Draxum or Galois know/remember this? Like, did Draxum figure this out while holding Donnie captive and was like 'yup, definitely made the right decision to chain him down!' and would those memories also be adapted for Galois or did Draxum just completely erase them? Or, and this is the most likely possibility, am I reading WAY too much into this?

I wouldn't say you're reading too much into it, I just intended it to be more backstory than an immediate and prevalent theme. :P Donnie's self-harm wasn't as...I don't want to say 'as serious' as what a lot of us probably picture when we hear the phrase self-harm, because it's all serious, but it wasn't super destructive. Think a lot of scratching his arms raw, biting down on himself, grabbing hot things, etc. They were younger too, this would have been a few years before the fic begins. And honestly, it was partly autistic sensory bullshit too, I know I don't explicitly say that Donnie is autistic in the fic but he canonically is. Some of it probably started out as stimming. Leo figured it was just one of Donnie's Things at the time, but over the years and as Donnie confided in him more about his anxiety and some of his feelings that sure fit the depression symptoms on WebMD, Leo started to put the puzzle pieces together.

I'm trying to decide what I can say about the memory spell without it being a spoiler. Draxum didn't need to actively alter every memory of his-I mean, there were a few that he wanted to explicitly lay out, but for the most part he gave Donnie a set of rules and his brain rewrote itself to comply with them. He told him that Draxum was his father and that he grew up in his weird mushroom house, so that's what Galois remembers. He recalls sitting with his dad drinking tea in the kitchen? He totally does-in Draxum's kitchen, with Draxum, because that's his father and that's where he lives. He wasn't able to refute these rules but his memory contradicted them, so his brain altered his memories to make it make sense. Obviously not perfectly-so that memory of drinking tea with Draxum, Galois might remember his dad singing in Japanese-which would confuse him, because Draxum doesn't speak Japanese. (he's capable of speaking Japanese, but he has no reason to speak it conversationally at home) But even the act of questioning his memories makes him uncomfortable and eager to stop and think about something else. He's quick to blame something like seeing it on TV and getting confused, or if he pushes it enough his brain will just get rid of that tidbit because it doesn't comply with the ruleset. Less so now so long after Hypno's spell has worn off, but he will do shit like that before he ever questions the validity of his memories.

But as far as this has to do with your question, uhhhhhh...yeah, he probably sort of remembers it. But like I said, it was never a super big deal to Donnie-he got used to the pain and he never got hurt hurt, so he didn't really realize what he was doing until Leo told Splinter and Splinter got upset about it. That's actually one of the areas Galois probably feels some disconnect-Splinter, I imagine he would have been visibly upset, maybe even a few tears, being very forthright about how much it hurt to see Donnie do that to himself, but also very tender and loving when talking to him about it. Just very bare-faced emotions. Draxum...doesn't do that. He's not a 'hug and cuddle it out' kind of dad, he doesn't cry in front of people, the only 'strong' emotion he feels comfortable displaying is anger. He'd be upset, of course, but he'd consider his distress to be getting in the way of 'properly' dealing with the problem and would excuse himself until he could get his emotions under control. He'd probably sit Galois down with some internet printouts from mental health websites and do a whole debate-style argument on why it needed to stop. But like I said, Galois doesn't think about it that much, and if he did he'd probably just think it was Huginn and Muninn who got upset or something and he was just remembering it weird.

I mean, let's be real, Donnie started saying right away that he had no expectations of walking out of there. The Table was an awful thing to do to someone but it was probably the smartest thing Draxy could have done. He knew Donnie was smart enough that he'd figure out how to get himself out of a cage or any more conventional restraints-maybe he wouldn't be able to free himself, but he could do enough. Donnie started threatening suicide and it just reassured Draxum that he'd made the right decision.

#...i didn't think i had this much to say sorry #doth #doth asks #donatello #baron draxum #splinter #leonardo #i actually don't think i've tagged splinter yet #i am terrible at remembering to tag things

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thefreelanceangel · 1 year

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Tagged: Altitis Edition

@luck-and-larceny caught me. (Please ignore the goo-goo eyes I’m making at her. Or... don’t... I mean... :D?)

Favorite:

...I... hm. I have the hardest time nailing down a “favorite” in all honesty. Especially if we delve into the dangerous territory that is “former RP NPCs turned novel characters” that I live in. Because I have... so, so many favorites and I absolutely love so many of them. And I love to hate quite a few more of them.

Okay. OKAY. Forcibly restricting myself to FFXIV characters. (Don’t you sulk at me, Nathan Talbot. Get back into the novel that’s awaiting editing. I’ll get to it in... uh... ask me in five years.)

And I honestly can’t choose a favorite. Even characters I made, took a few pictures of, thought about and then shelved can qualify because every single idea that sparks to life reassures me that age, exhaustion, capitalism and stress haven’t destroyed my urge to create.

Oldest:

As we’re sticking with FFXIV characters, it’s actually C’allie! And not just because she’s the first I made in FFXIV, but because her original incarnation was a Ceilican for an old World of Darkness online game that I ran. (It’s actually one of the first times that my husband and I got a chance to really RP together.) And that game was... gracious... twelve years ago?

I actually used Callie’s name for my FFXIV miqo’te because I was migrating over from GW2, where my hubby and I had Seifer & Anna, and I wasn’t sure if I’d be translating any characters from Tyria, but I wanted someone with a mental tie to the man I was (at the time) dating because I hoped to lure him in to play with me. It worked marvelously and the world got C’allie Kyho, the Seeker of the Sun.

You’re welcome.

Newest:

Carmen Heron, the Keeper of the Moon architect specializing in erosion repair who is deaf in one ear, really really likes the ladies and smells like candied ginger because she spends so much time sucking/chewing on it. (She always keeps a tin of it in her pocket.) Why candied ginger?

She lives in and works in Limsa Lominsa and she gets horribly sea sick. So! Having ginger always at hand helps!

Meanest:

Anna.

Just... yeah. No debate, no question. Anna.

Softest:

Esti Kyton, my sweet, damaged barista. She’s spent her entire life just hoping to be special to someone, living on the fringes of a huge family that never quite seemed to accept her, and has dealt with abuse from both her mother and her ex. All she wants is a quiet home with someone she can take care of, good coffee and a small yard where she can hang her aerial hoop up for her daily practice.

Most Aloof/Standoffish:

Meli Iliakos, my Warrior of Light.

There’s... a lot of heartache she’s dealing with, especially after the events of Endwalker and what she learned about her distant and recent past. And being the Warrior of Light means people either assume they have a right to your time or they act like you’re too good for them. Meli doesn’t have the emotional bandwidth anymore to deal with either extreme, and so she stays quiet and tries to let the Scions (and her Scions-Ish) deal with the public at large whenever possible.

Only in Norvrandt does Meli warm up to the people around her and drop the aloof demeanor.

Dumbest (Affectionate):

Chessi Eder, my lovable idiot. She has more than two brain cells to rub together, but does she realize that? Nope! With all she’s suffered in her life, it’s really a testament to her stupidity that she doesn’t realize she’s been horribly used. Chessi takes everything at face value, assumes the best of everyone and that finally paid off with her being “adopted” by Narasen & Voranoix L’espoir and getting herself a boyfriend-who-isn’t-her-boyfriend-right?-ooo!-is-he-my-boyfriend??? in Sezra.

Dumbest (Derogatory):

Reneaux Iseterre is... too smart for his own good, which essentially turns inside-out and becomes so dumb he can’t comprehend anything without it slowly soaking through his skull. He’s not quite That Guy From Your Literature Classes but he’s dangerously close.

Smartest:

Anna. While C’allie is really damn smart, Summer makes a living as a professional author and Esti has incredible business acumen, Anna’s greatest weapon truly is her intelligence. She’s incredibly good at analytical thinking as well as translating theory into practical application, which stands her in good stead in her quest for complete magical mastery. Anna also masters languages fairly quickly, helping her along when she finds new tomes or treatises from other nations.

Horniest:

I’m going to shock anyone who’s read this blog for more than a month. It’s not C’allie. Seriously!! It’s NOT C’allie!

It’s Narasen.

She and Voranoix spent years as just friends, aware of each other, friendly to each other but not much beyond that. And then he comforted her and kept her safe when she had a particularly bad night involving alcohol and loneliness, which led to a rather... long couple of days that they spent together. They went their separate ways and Narasen often thought back to ... well... all of the details of that particular encounter.

When they officially began a relationship, Voranoix began slowly helping Narasen to recover from the multiple traumas she’d suffered in her youth. (Which involved killing a few people but you know, that’s how these things go.) And some of the methods involved that worked best finally coaxed Narasen into feeling safe enough to express sexual desire.

Voranoix didn’t realize what he’d unleashed by doing that, but he’s not voiced a complaint yet.

Now that Narasen is away from Gridania, married to the man who healed her heart and ensured her safety, and feels secure enough to show active desire without fear of what it might entail? She is always after her husband’s ass.

Character You'd Bang:

Honestly, it’d be C’allie. I wouldn’t actually feel self-conscious with her because C’allie doesn’t have a “type” and she’s playful and fun and funny. I’d really rather hang out and chat with her for a few hours, maybe compare reading lists, exchange recommendations. But if she wanted a roll in the hay, well... She’s experienced enough to make it really good and isn’t hesitant about teaching, so I’d probably come away with some pointers.

Character You'd Be RL Besties With:

Again, C’allie.

While Summer and I would get along marvelously, and I’d love to have Esti advise me on how to make coffee, C’allie is curious and loves to chat and would drag me out of my comfort zone to explore new things. I’d give her a safe ear where she could talk about her multiple partners as she needed and get her to slow down and maybe even work on creating things for herself.

Tagging: @riftdancing & @gatheredfates (you two DEFINTELY have enough alts for this to work!); @gray-morality & @catscratching (I know the black snack has more characters and I think Seda’s player does, too); @miqojak (You’ve got at least two that I know of); @fair-fae; @furys-mercy; @thedragonrabbit

#Tagged #FFXIV

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chipistrate · 11 months

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could you do the "send a character" prompt for cassidy?

OHHHH FUCK YEAH I CAN

Cassidy:

favorite thing about them They're so determined to take down Afton they will do anything to kill that bitch, including not moving on with their friends and instead creating this elaborate hell for him to rot in for eternity and they made it such a fun little game (for them, not William) like if they're gonna be trapped here for eternity with William then they might as well have fun with it. Also they love their friends very very much to the point they'll do anything to protect them even if it ends up hurting them (they don't know it ends up hurting them, they're a bit oblivious when it comes to emotions and really think they're just helping)

least favorite thing about them Nothing they're amazing<3 (though if we're talking personal interps then probably how they're persistent to a fault and end up being so focused on taking down Afton, that they forget to think about their friends like girly go to therapy or smthn)(idk if this counts as a "least favorite" thing rather than just a character flaw cause I actually really like the flaw but uhhh I don't have anything bad to say about them lmao)

favorite line "I will never let you leave, I will never let you rest." It's just iconic<3

brOTP Them and Evan, Cassidy totally sees him as a little brother<3

OTP Again, if this can be platonic then I'd say Charlie and Cassidy- also Cassidy and Susie<3 Their friendship is really sweet<33

nOTP I'm not against any Cassidy ships but I'm also not for any Cassidy ships? I don't really know what pairings there are, I don't see a lot of shipping between the dead kids. But I'm not really interested in any of them cause I think all of them are just friends, soo,,,, eeeevery Cassidy ship? Ig?

random headcanon(s) They're Filipino and also Cassie's aunt, their last name is Catapang, their older brother was the bonnie mask kid, they use all pronouns, them Charlie and Evan were a little trio before they died, they were/are friends with all the MCI, Susie was Cassidy's first friend, they met Charlie and Evan by stepping in and protecting Evan when Michael was bullying him, they've gotten into multiple fist fights with Michael, they used to be really calm/neutral most of the time but were kinda known as "that one kid you don't want to mess with" just cause they have resting bitch face and a mean glare, they will bite if provoked. I probably have more but those were the ones I could think of off the top of my head

unpopular opinion Uhhhm,,, does them being the Vengeful Spirit count? I see a lot of people on Tumblr agree they're the UCN spirit, but everywhere else I go it's like a constant debate so I genuinely don't know if them being the UCN spirit is an unpopular opinion now or not, lmao

song i associate with them PQ Cassidy: Never Ending by Chai Normal Cassidy: Kleptomaniacrow by Madilyn Mei, Frustration Tears from Centaur World, and Love Like You by Rebecca Sugar

favorite picture of them

We don't have a lot of pics of them, but this one is really sweet<3

#Chip Chatter

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rainytypology · 1 year

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you can’t type idols because a lot of them are giving personas by their companies. you say rm is “careful with his words as to not offend others” but as an INFJ and someone who’s been a fan of bts for years i can say this is the farthest thing from the truth and that he’s generally out of touch and tone deaf when it comes to other people’s feelings. bts also took an MBTI quiz during one of the most recent run bts episodes (not 16 personalities, but the official mbti test using functions). rm got ENFP in that episode which is basically what he is. even if you wanted to categorize him as an INXJ type which he’s not, he’s definitely not introverted in any way neither does he exhibit any J tendencies. the closest INFJ in bts is probably hobi, because aside from the whole “sunshine” persona if you listen to what others who have worked with bts have said about him, what other members say about him, and what he’s said about himself (especially in those Disney+ promo interview he did) then you’ll know. he himself said he’s quiet when he’s by himself and he says his parents worry about that too, plus in group settings he always listens while everyone else talks, he’s considers himself a sponge and soaks in other people adapting to their thoughts and feels, he’s a stickler for details and organization, and a complete perfectionist. hobi also isn’t the stereotypical ESFJ that a lot of people would have you believe. so if you’re going to type people then do a better job than surface level observations.

Yes I'm well aware most idols have a persona and I try my best to look past their set image by looking at interviews, watching the shows they're on, their personal content, reading about other's perspectives on them etc. So no I do not only have surface level observations, I actually do try to dig deeper into them. I only have short descriptions for my post (I'm sure you're referring to my recent post of the list I made) as I didn't want to make the post too long. If you look through my blog, I actually have longer analysis posts for idols, so I didn't see the point of going more in depth in that post.

Here is my bts mbti post with brief explanations. I don't have individual ones for them yet, which will have more details. You can see the other posts I've made here.

And yes I did watch that ep where they took the MBTI test... I'm pretty sure it was still 16personalities or something similar to it bc I did not see them discuss cognitive functions in the videos. The test typed Jungkook as an INTP and Suga as an ISTP. Do you really think Jungkook is an Ne user and Suga is a Ti dom with aux Se? I don't see Ne usage with Jungkook, the same with Ti and Suga. Suga uses Se, but he is not comfortable with it enough to have it as his aux; he's always had much better use of Ni and Te, hence INTJ.

Hobi is not an INFJ and your explanation for him being the closest to it is vague and can apply to any type honestly. ESFJs can be quiet and observant...It's very Fe to watch the reactions and emotions of others and the environment. Adapting to their feelings and thoughts is very Fe. That is why I think he is a dom Fe user. I also don't see him use Ni...his perfectionism stems from Si, along with his need for organization and structure. It's also why he's very detail oriented. Ni does not bother with the details or at the least is not as attentive as Si. Intuitive perceiving functions are generally more focused on the big picture. Hobi is pretty good with his tertiary Ne, it's prominent in his creative process compared to Ni doms Suga and RM (yes I'm still going with INFJ. I know there's a huge debate between ENFP and INFJ with him though).

Also I'm not an expert in MBTI, it's just something I've always been really interested in. I happen to like kpop as well and noticed the misconception of MBTI within it and decided to make this blog. It's mainly more for my entertainment and to learn more. I know I will not be accurate 100% and state that in my posts that they're subject to change, but I know for sure I am likely more correct than 16personalities lol. Honestly you can't really type anyone - only people can type themselves accurately.

#ask #anon #mbti #bts #bts mbti #do enough research and honestly anyone can be better at typing than 16personalities 🤣#they rly need to change their concept or smthing so ppl can stop thinking it's real mbti #typology #cognitive functions #myers briggs type indicator #myers briggs

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familyvideostevie · 2 years

Note

you genuinely make my day every time we interact ive never had a true mutual this is so fun <3

wanted to try requesting bc i’ve never done it before i don’t think ?? and you write the best fluff mwah mwah

could i get an x steve/eddie (you can pick which!!) where the reader is just really homesick? i’m about to head off to college and i’m already feeling all the sadness ab leaving my fam and dogs behind 🥲 would love someone to comfort me right about now

darling bri! thank you for requesting this, i am honored to write for you! this is a really relatable feeling and i know you will be okay, and i hope this fic emphasizes that! so here's eddie for you <3 | 1k, fluff, fem!reader

You've only been at college for a month and it has been fun. So many new experiences at once have kept you busy, but now that you're settled and have some friends and are used to your classes, you find that most nights you feel a pit in your stomach. You're homesick. But you look around in lecture, in the dining hall, and you tell yourself that no one else is feeling this way. It doesn't seem like it, anyway, so you're a bit embarrassed and don't bring it up to anyone. Your life is a new adventure but you miss home.

Your dorm wall is already almost covered with postcards from the kids and your friends and family, but every night you look at them and just want to be somewhere else. Even though you call your parents and write letters every week, the feeling rolls over everything like a dark cloud and you know you need to figure this out so you don't spend the next few years like this.

So, you're standing in front of the dorm phone debating whether or not to call Eddie. It's Wednesday night, so you know he'll be at home planning Hellfire. But you don't want to bother him because part of you feels pathetic, feels juvenile. Part of you doesn't want to admit that this feeling is even real. But Eddie has never made you feel any of those things, never made you feel small or like your emotions were insignificant. So you pick up the phone and dial the number you know by heart.

The line rings and rings and rings and you feel a warm pressure behind your eyes and you think oh god, oh no, it's okay, I'm fine, don't cry don't cry don't cry. But you hear a click and Eddie's voice is in your ear.

"Hello?" He sounds out of breath. The tension melts from your frame and your mouth stretches into a smile automatically.

"Hi, Eddie. It's me."

"It's you!" he cries, so loud that you have to pull the receiver away as you laugh. "Sorry I almost missed you, sweet thing. I was having a cig."

"S'okay."

"You okay? Don't get me wrong, it's a fucking gift to hear your voice, but usually you call on Friday after class." Eddie knows you better than anyone and the question might have felt patronizing from someone else, but you've always loved how he sees you even when you're hundreds of miles away. You close your eyes and feel braver talking to him, brave enough to tell the truth on the first try.

"Everything is fine. I'm just feeling homesick." There's some shuffling like he's moving the receiver from ear to ear as he walks around his trailer. You know he's a pacer on the phone -- he can never sit still. You picture him in your mind: cheeks flushed from sitting outside, hair a mess where he runs his hands through it, shuffling around in sweatpants and a wrinkled t-shirt with holes in the collar. Always looking like something right out of your wildest dreams, always looking like Eddie. God, how you love him.

"Tell me about it," he coos. "If you want to." You curl your fingers into the hem of the sweatshirt you're wearing. It's his, of course, one of the things he gave you when he helped you pack. Your other favorite, one of his rings, is heavy and cool on your thumb.

"Not much to tell," you reply. "Just feel like I'm the only one who misses home. Makes me feel like a little kid and not like a college student."

"I bet you are not the only one," he says right away. "Actually, I know you aren't. Wheeler calls Jonathan all the time and says the same thing. He's told me himself!"

"Really?" Eddie wouldn't lie to you, and it makes you feel a little better to know Nancy Wheeler also misses your kind of fucked up town and all the wonderful people in it.

"Yeah, honest. It's totally normal to miss it. I bet if you asked anyone they'd say they feel it too." You sniffle, but the roiling pit is already turning to the warm fondness he always causes in your chest.

"I mean, I'll be home for Thanksgiving before we know it."

"Exactly!" he cries. "Bet I could convince your mom to let me pick you up. Eight hours in the car, no problem. We'll have a road trip!"

"Don't know if the van will make it that far, baby," you joke. You can almost hear him smiling through the line.

"I'll make Harrington let me borrow his car. GIve him free weed for a year, or something." He's done what you had hoped he'd do and cheered you up, taking your mind off of the self consciousness and making you feel settled, making you feel hopeful that you'll figure it out.

"Listen, sweetheart," he says, voice raspy and quieter and you can almost pretend he's right next to you, breath warm on your cheek. "You're always going to miss home. Sometimes a lot, sometimes a little, but it's going to be here for you when you come back. I'm going to be here for you when you come back."

"I do miss you, too" you tell him. "You're my home as much as Hawkins and my family are." He hums, a pleased, bright sound.

"Wish I could hug you right now, baby. I miss you so much." He sighs. "But I'm gonna be here to hold you and kiss you and see your face light up when you tell me all about college, yeah?"

"I love you, Eddie." You say it like a prayer, like a wish, like a promise.

"Call me anytime you feel like this. Because I love you, too." He makes a sound that must be a yawn. It travels through the phone to you, and you yawn, too. "Now go do your homework or something academic. You're the smart one!"

You laugh and say goodnight, walking back to your room a little lighter, a little more sure. Eddie's reassurance echoes in your ears. You'll be alright, just like he said. And when you go home again he'll be waiting.

want to be added to my tag list for full-length (non-ask) fics? send me a message and specify for steve, eddie, or both!

reblog, send feedback, requests open, masterlist here!

#i love u bri #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x you #eddie munson fluff #stranger things fic #stranger things x reader #stranger things imagine #stranger things fanfiction #emma's asks #my sweet pals #bri🌊

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goldryush · 2 years

Text

PROFILES!!

the y/n(s) ::

y/n (girlhelp) : 2nd year literature major at NU!!(it's neo university alright, no one's going to new york uni here😭), is a good student and craves academic validation, takes theatre as an elective!!, puts the hopeless in hopeless romantic, is in her manga male lead era and willl not hesitate to kabedon you if you are close enough, has a cr*sh on the guy who sits behind her and sleeps through his major classes <\3

mark (onyour_mark) : also a 2nd year literature major at NU!! and takes music as an elective. the guy who sits behind y/n and sleeps through his major classes, has so much potential to be a straight A student but um- yeah. idolizes Sailor Pift!!, is on stan twitter because "defending Sailor online isn't enough i need a g*n". streams Sailor's music all night while catching up on his previous lectures😭, he's that typical y/n from fanfics who is a little clumsy but is loved by literally everyone ♡ (note that his main and stan account are the same!!)

the moment!! Sailor Pift ::

Sailor Pift OR should i say nix😳 : she RICHIE rich! 2nd year music major in NU!! but doesn't attend because of her busy schedule as the most sensational popstar. got famous overnight for performing an original song while wearing a blonde wig when she was in high school and has been an undercover singer with the help of her friends since then because she was afraid of being treated differently if people discovered her real identity</3. the only people except her friends who know about sailor's real identity are her parents, who helped her focus on her musical career while managing studies from home. she is a self producing artist, so give some respect to her >:( . y/n and her have known each other for the longest time and are besties. sometimes, when she's out with her friends as Sailor in public, they also wear a disguise along with her.

note : this oc was inspired by @njmverse and her alter ego, yes you guessed it right, is based upon Taylor Swift AND Hannah Montana and i love this oc sm🫶

girlbossers (yn hype squad) ::

jeno (jeneow) : 2nd year biology major in NU!! emo. has two cats, Ruby and dali, respectively. spends most of his time studying in his room and his friends *cough* nix *cough* Take care of his cats sometime. is a part-time worker at the yogurt shop. refuses to hang out with friends because he has "work" but goes to every sailor concert to support his bestie</3.

chenle (elnehc) : second year music major in NU who actually attends classes. met nix on their first day of uni after which nix never attended uni againn😭. used to help nix with her classes and gradually started hanging out with the rest of the squad, and that's how he learned that the most renowned popstar of the country is none other than his bestie. was really shocked at first but started going to the concerts in disguise😭 updates nix with the classes and uni gossip. is here for the food and drama</3.

jisung (ameanoacid) : second year chemistry major in NU!!. runs a chemistry pun page on Twitter by day and handles the social media handles of THE Sailor Pift by night. helped nix to post that og song on youtube back in high school and that is how he ended up being the official unofficial social media manager of Sailor Pift and definitely not because her fingers once slipped and she accidentally posted a picture without her signature blonde wig on the official account. gives unnecessary love advice to get jeno to confess to his crush.

mark's emotional support package ::

renjun (yellowCard) : he doesn't needs a backup, he's going to NU >:( ; yeah he only watches 2000 romcoms or barbie movies and nothing in between and elle woods influenced him so much so that he chose law as his major and is now in his second year(no he didn't follow his ex to the uni!!/srs). has known mark since high school. claims to be good at debates, but no one knows if it's true. is the mom friend and is overprotective of his children. made hyuck take english literature as an elective course just to make sure mark doesn't sleep through his classes. very loving, very appreciative in general and knows sailor's music but doesn't like how his friend focuses his energy more on defending someone, who probably has her company to deal with everything, online - instead of talking to actual people irl.

jaemin (imaej) : used to accompany mark to sailor pift's concert in their freshmen year, and that's how he became a fan(he's what twitter stans call a ✨casual stan✨). made his twitter account only to drag mark on the tl but ended up advertising his photography skills. pretended to be Mark's lawyer in front of his English professor to get him out of detention back in high school and that's when he decided he should do law and con people (haha /j haha unless ☺️).

hyuck (fullsums) : has known mark ever since elementary school. is the biggest barbie : life in a dreamhouse enthusiast. majoring in business studies from NU!! has turned his major into his entire personality. was a literature kid back in high school, and everyone expected him to either choose literature OR environmental studies but shocked everyone by choosing business. was really happy when renjun asked him if he could choose literature as an elective to make sure mark doesn't doses off during lectures, but shh!! everyone believes renjun made him decide on his elective, and he lets it remain that way.

yangyang (yangsquared) : met renjun in his freshman year of college through a mutual friend, and since then, renjun, mark, hyuck, and jaemin have been his ride or die. is a film major in NU!! can and WILL use the actual conversation between his friends in his scripts. mean girls enthusiast, his favorite was gretchen because she was so fetch!! is y/n's distant cousin, but they don't meet up often because of very different majors, which is why his friends have no idea that he's related to you in any way.

Sweeter Than Fiction : a mark lee smau

summary : where you have grown a certain liking towards the boy who sits behind you in literature class, but here's a thing, you've never talked to him face to face. chaos unfolds when you try to befriend him in your own unique way!!

pairing : mark x fem!reader

themes : social media au, university au, fluff, crack, mutual pining, strangers to friends to lovers, hannah montana-ish au

masterlist 》 next

taglist : @njmverse @jeonsy98

#mark series #smau #nct x reader #jisung #nct dream smau #nct scenarios #nct #mark x reader #nct 127 social media au #nct dream social media au #mark lee social media au #nct dream x reader #nct 127 x reader #mark lee smau #superm #nct dream #mark lee x reader #sailor moon

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waitimcomingtoo · 4 years

Text

Evans

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Synopsis: Tom gets jealous after he witnesses a moment between you and Chris Evans

Masterlist

As much as you loved filming the movies, your favorite part about being in the MCU was going to the conventions.

You loved getting on stage with your cast mates and answering questions. You especially loved when you got to attend the conventions with your best friend Tom. Your fondest memories with him were made during nights following a convention. You’d always get a joint hotel room and stay up late, too buzzed on adrenaline from the panel to fall asleep.

Going to conventions with Tom usually opened up a whole new debate on the nature of your relationship. Snap chats and Instagram stories made from the same hotel room always set off more theories that you were dating. You weren’t, but you didn’t mind the theories.

The current panel you were at was no different from the others. The whole cast stood in a line, with you sandwiched between Tom and Mackie. You listened along to all the questions asked until you heard your name.

“Chris, you and Y/n worked together in the past on Scott Pilgrim vs The World, where you played one of her evil ex boyfriends.” The journalist said to Chris Evans. “How did you react when you heard she was joining the MCU cast?

“I was really happy about it.” Chris said into his mic. “I’ll admit, I had a bit of a crush on Y/n when we were filming Scott Pilgrim so I was very excited when she got added to the cast.”

Tom felt his ears turn pink when he heard Chris’s confession. It was no secret that he liked you, but he had no idea Chris liked you too. He looked to you to see your reaction, mouth going dry when he saw the shocked smile on your face.

“Are you serious?” You laughed in surprise. “I had a crush on you too.”

Tom turned away a little, suddenly feeling a sick feeling in his stomach. He didn’t like where this conversation was going.

“What?” He raised his eyebrows. “How did I not know?”

“Because I was awkward and shy and didn’t know how to talk to you.” You said sheepishly as you pressed a cold hand to your face. “But I swear, I told Michael and Anna all about it.”

Tom lowered his microphone so the crowd couldn’t hear him gulp. He didn’t know why it bothered him as much as it did to know you and Chris had feelings for each other. You had filmed Scott Pilgrim a few years back, so the feelings were long gone by now. Still, it sent a white hot jealously through Toms veins as he watched you and Chris smile at each other.

“I can’t believe you never told me.” Chris chuckled. “I actually remember being upset that we didn’t have a kiss in the movie. I was like, how am I playing one of her boyfriends but we don’t get to kiss?”

“Aw.” Tom forced a laugh. “Poor you.”

The audience laughed at his joke, but you never took your eyes off Chris.

“I was genuinely upset about it at the time.” Chris continued. “I think I called my mom to complain.”

Tom watched with a tight jaw as you held your hand over your heart and beamed. You were obviously loving the attention from Chris while Tom was hating it.

“Hey, I didn’t write the script.” You shrugged. “I definitely would’ve thrown one in there if I had.”

“I think the movie is perfect as it is.” Tom cut in, earning a few laughs. “I don’t think there needed to be a kiss. Kisses are stupid anyway.”

“Wait a minute, we almost kissed in the last movie too.” Chris remembered. “To like hide our faces from HYDRA agents or something.”

“That’s right.” You gasped. “They took it out before we ever shot it.”

“Such a shame.” Chris clicked his tongue as he shook his head. “Missed you twice now.”

The reaction from the audience made you hide your face in embarrassment, feeling your face hot to the touch.

“I promise, you’re not missing much.” You laughed shyly.

“Yeah, well.” Chris rubbed the back of his neck. “I bet I was.”

Just when Tom thought it couldn’t get any worse, he saw an idea pop into your head.

“Wait, hold my mic.” You said as you handed your microphone to Anthony.

Tom could only watch as you walked across the stage and put your hands on either side of Chris’s face before pulling him into a kiss. The audience was deafening as Chris kissed you back. It didn’t last long, but it was long enough to make all the color drain from Toms face. You both pulled away laughing, Chris with his signature hand over his left side. You clapped your hands as you laughed before walking back to your spot.

“Well damn.” Anthony said into his microphone. “I didn’t get to kiss her either.”

“Yeah.” Sebastian teased. “Do we all get some of that?”

“Shut up.” You laughed shyly as you fixed your hair. “There. Now you got your kiss.”

“Thank you.” Chris laughed into his microphone. “I was not expecting that.”

“Neither was I.” Tom mumbled, his microphone hanging limply at his side. The rest of the panel went by without any further flirtations, but Tom wouldn’t have known if there had been. He had completely zoned out, too upset with what he had seen to focus.

You unlocked the door to your shared hotel room and saw Tom sitting at the kitchen table. His face was buried in his phone and he skimmed through the endless amount of tweets about the kiss from earlier. It was only making him more angry to see thousands of gifs and pictures of it, as well as all the messages from fans saying what a cute couple you and Chris made, but he couldn’t stop. He was too busy scrolling to hear you come in.

“Hey.” You smiled at him as you set your stuff down. “You did such a good job out there. I swear, you always get the most laughs. It’s not fair.”

“Hm.” Tom nodded, keeping his eyes on his phone. “Thanks.”

“Is everything okay?” You frowned when you noticed his standoffish behavior. You walked over to him and reached out to touch him, but he moved away.

“Yeah.” He shrugged unconvincingly. “It’s fine. We’re fine.”

“I didn’t ask if we were fine.” You furrowed your eyebrows. “Are we not fine?”

“I said we were fine.” He held up his hands in annoyance. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Okay.” You rolled your eyes a little. “Sorry I asked.”

Tom gave you a sarcastic smile and went back to his phone, completely ignoring you now. You didn’t know what his problem was, but you knew you didn’t want to fight.

“Do you want to watch a movie or something? You can pick this time.” You offered, trying to offer an olive branch.

“Actually, I’m kinda tired.” He said faintly. “I think I’m just gonna turn in.”

“Really? It’s so early.” You checked your phone and saw it was only 8 pm. “And I’m bored.”

“Yeah?” He finally looked up at you. “Then why don’t you go see what Evans is up to? I’m sure he’d love to finish what you started on stage today.”

You jutted your head back in surprise, not expecting that to come out of his mouth. He looked partial to guilty for snapping at you, but his anger was the most prominent emotion.

“What?” You laughed in shock. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about you kissing Evans in front of all those people.” He snapped. “I didn’t even know you liked him like that.”

You laughed again, thinking he had to be joking. You never said it out loud, but you assumed Tom knew you liked him. After all, you were the only cast mates sharing a hotel room.

“I don’t.” You said, unsure where that accusation came from.

“Yeah?” He cocked his head. “Cause it kinda looked like you did.”

“I don’t.” You repeated. “I used to when we were filming Scott Pilgrim a few years ago but I stopped before we even wrapped.”

“Then why did you kiss him?” Tom asked, his voice wearing thin.

“I don’t know. We were joking around.” You shrugged it off. “It was for the fans, if anything. You know how much they love that stuff.”

“They would’ve loved it just as much if you had just blown him a kiss.” Tom said. “You didn’t have to kiss him.”

“Who cares?” You asked. “Everyone loved it.”

“Not everyone.” He stated, keeping his eyes on the ground. You looked at him for a moment, realizing you had never seen him act like this.

“Why are you getting so upset about this?” You asked calmly, still not understanding.

“Because what you did upset me.” He shouted as he gestured to himself.

“Why?” You raised your voice as well now. “It was just a stupid joke. It had nothing to do with you.”

“It wasn’t a joke to me.” He shook his head. “Watching you practically run across the stage to kiss him in front of all those people was not a joke.”

“I didn’t run across the stage.” You said, starting to get annoyed. “I walked to him and kissed him. That’s it. It’s not a big deal.”

“Did you like it?” He asked with an unreadable expression.

“What?”

“Did you like kissing him?” He repeated as he let out a shaky breath.

“You know how it feels to kiss other actors.” You shrugged. “It just felt like lips on lips.”

“You must have some sort of feelings for him to kiss him like that.” He said, his eyes looking glassy.

“So what if I do?” You retorted, angry with him now for yelling at you.

“What?” His voice came out in a whisper. “Do you?”

“Are you listening to anything I’m saying? I don’t have feelings for Evans. But if I did, it wouldn’t be any of your business. Because maybe you haven’t realized this yet, but you’re not my boyfriend.” You yelled, making him retreat into himself.

The silence that followed was deafening, making you feel guilty for what you said. You felt like you popped the happy bubble that you and Tom lived in, the one where you never confronted your feelings for each other but understood that they were there. Tom sucked in a sharp breath and let out a long sigh as he looked you in the eyes. He gave you a sad smile and nodded his head as if he was reluctantly agreeing with you. You opened your mouth to speak, but Tom was already moving past you. His shoulder brushed yours as he walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

You stood there in shock, unsure of what just happened. You felt like you had just broken up with someone you were never actually with. You covered your mouth with your hand, ashamed with what you had said to him. You hit him where you knew it would hurt him and now he was gone.

Despite sharing a hotel room, you didn’t see Tom until the next morning. He was eating breakfast at the kitchen counter, not looking at you as you made coffee. You sighed and sat down next to him, knowing you had to make things right before you went out to do press. You didn’t want to spend a full day doing interviews with him without resolving the fight.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you yesterday.” You began as you watched his face for his reaction. “It was mean of me to tell you you weren’t my boyfriend like that.”

“It’s okay.” He mumbled as he stirred his tea. “You don’t have to apologize. You were right. I’m not your boyfriend.”

“We need to talk about yesterday.” You said softly as you looked at him. You could tell he was still bitter about the kiss.

“I don’t want-“

“We have to.” You cut him off. “We had a fight and now we need to talk about it.”

He sighed and rubbed his eyes before slumping in his seat.

“You start.” You said as you put your folded hands on the table.

“I don’t know where to start.” He mumbled.

“Just tell me how you feel.” You suggested. Tom sighed as he put his words together in his mind, wanting to make things right just as much as you did.

“I didn’t like it even you kissed Chris.” He said softly, keeping his eyes on the table.

“I got that part.” You tried to joke. “Why?”

“Because he’s older and taller and bigger than me.” Tom listed off.

“And?” You were confused.

“And I can’t compete.” Tom whispered, hanging his head in shame. The fragility in his voice made your heart break and you realized he was never angry with you.

He was heartbroken.

“Tommy, you don’t have to compete with anyone.” You said softly as you stroked his cheek with your thumb.

“I didn’t think I had to.” He continued. “I thought I had you. I know we don’t really talk about…us, but I thought we had an unspoken agreement that we liked each other. I know I liked you and I thought you liked me back until you…”

“Until I what?” You asked.

“Kissed another boy.” He laughed sadly. “Sorry. A man. Captain freaking America.”

“You were jealous.” You realized, trying to fight back a smile. “That’s why you threw your little tantrum.”

“How could I not be?” He looked up. “Have you seen how broad his shoulders are?”

You had to laugh, which made him crack a smile. The tension had disappeared and you had entered new territory, so you decided to keep going.

“And have you seen the way I look at you?” You teased him. “Or the way I immediately go to you in a crowded room? Have you seen how I’m always finding a way to touch you? Does any of that sound familiar?”

“Yeah.” Tom smiled sheepishly. “It does.”

“I like you too.” You admitted. “Of course I like you too. But I already told you, that kiss was just a joke. It was just for the fans.”

“I know.” He sighed and rubbed his face. “It just shook my confidence, you know? I figured if he wanted you too, I didn’t stand a chance.”

“I don’t want him.” You assured him. “I want you.”

Toms lips curved into a smile, a proud look coming across his face. He reached over and put his hand on top of yours, rubbing small circles with his thumb.

“I never should have yelled at you.” He said quietly as he stared at your hands. “I just hated that he got to kiss you before I did.”

“I get that.” You nodded. “But you can’t flip out and yell at me when you get a little jealous. You have to be okay with me being close to other people.”

“I know. I’m sorry that I got so jealous.” He shook his head at himself. “I’m not that guy. I don’t want you thinking that’s who I am.”

“I know who you are.” You leaned over the table and tilted his chin so he would look at you. “Why do you think I like you as much as I do?”

“I like hearing you say that.” He mumbled, keeping his eyes on your lips.

“I like saying it.” You smirked at him as you began to lean in.

Before your lips could touch, his phone buzzed, making both of you jump. Tom sighed and picked up his phone to see what the interruption was.

“Shoot. That’s Rachel.” He frowned. “She wants me down at hair and makeup. Can we talk about this later? This is really important to me and I don’t want to rush it.”

“Of course.” You nodded. “Go get your hair done. We’ll talk later.”

Tom gave you an apologetic smile before getting up and putting his cup in the sink. He moved to the door but you stood up.

“Tom, wait.” You called, quickly walking to where he was. You put your hands on his shoulders and pressed a kiss to his cheek, letting it linger until you felt his cheeks heat up.

“I’ll see you soon, okay?” You told him, making him feel better about missing out on the kiss. He smiled softly and nodded before leaving the hotel room. You left to get your own hair and makeup done, an idea forming in your mind as you sat in your chair.

After getting hair and makeup done, you walked down to the lobby and went into one of the conference rooms. You saw the rest of the cast standing in a circle and went up to to them.

“There she is.” Anthony clapped as you walked up to the group. “Mrs. Evans.”

“Don’t start with that. You’re just mad it wasn’t you I was kissing out there.” You teased him, making him laugh.

“Maybe. I have a feeling I know who else is mad.” He said as he nodded his head to gesture to something behind you. You turned around and saw Tom approaching, a smile taking over your features at the sight of him. He gave you a knowing look and stood next to you as he joined the group.

“Hey guys.” He greeted, shooting Chris a quick look.

“There you are.” You smiled a little before grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him into a kiss. You felt his wide eyes flutter shut, eyelashes tickling you as he closed his eyes. He stepped forward to get closer to you before bringing his hand to face. The cast exchanged knowing looks right before you pulled away, a smile on both of your faces.

“Woah. When did that happen?” Scarlett nudged you.

“I thought it’d been happening for a while.” Anthony snorted. “Was I the only one?”

“No, I definitely saw something there. That’s why I was so surprised about yesterday.” Chris chuckled. You felt Tom tense up when he mentioned it, so you gave him a look. He relaxed and nodded, reminding himself he had nothing to be jealous of.

“I was surprised too.” He said, keeping his tone playful. “So don’t let it happen again.”

“I won’t.” Chris held up his hands. “Dodger and I are very happen on our own. He’s not willing to share me with anyone.”

“He and I have that in common then.” Tom said as draped his arm around your shoulders.

“Whats that?” You asked as you looked at Tom. He gave you a soft smile before pulling you closer to kiss your forehead.

“I don’t like to share.”

Tag List 🏷

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#tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland x yn #tom holland x actress!reader #chris evans x reader #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fluff #tom holland angst

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frostedfaves · 3 years

Text

Naive (3)

Masterlist

Pairing: demon!Wanda Maximoff x fem!reader

Summary: You pick up on the lies in Wanda’s life and she decides to show you the truth.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, dark!fic, demon things™️, more hints at dom/sub because I’m a whore for demon!Wanda

A/N: I can’t believe that it’s been a month since I posted the last one 😭 I have some things planned for the next part and so on but I also kinda wanna take requests again??? idk we all know how I get overwhelmed easily with that so we’ll see what happens there. anyway tell me your thoughts on this please!

Previous part

Waking up feels like gasping for air after being trapped underwater. You aren’t sure how long you were asleep, but the mid afternoon traffic quickly alerts you of how much of the day has passed.

Despite your head feeling like it’s made of cement, you manage to stand up, slipping off thin pajamas as you walk into the bathroom and stop at the mirror. Your skin seems tender in places and you’re a little bit startled when there isn’t a single indication of the bite marks and scratches you feel, even after rubbing your eyes a few times and turning in every direction possible. Deciding to let it go for now, you reach for the shower stall to turn on the water, detouring to the bedroom instead when you hear your phone ringing.

“Hello?”

“You didn’t save my number, did you?”

“Wanda?” You pull the phone away long enough to quickly clear your throat. “I mean hey, Wanda! What makes you think I didn’t save your number?”

“You answered like you didn’t know who was going to be on the other end.”

“Okay, you caught me,” you admit after a moment of silence. “I promise I’ll save it as soon as we hang up. Anyway, what’s up?”

“Remember that pet adoption center you pointed out to me?” You acknowledge her with a hum. “I was thinking about getting a cat…Wanna tag along?”

“Absolutely! I was just about to shower though so I can be ready in an hour or so.”

“Perfect! I’ll text you when I’m outside.”

The two of you say your goodbyes and you keep your promise of saving her number, typing in her name and hesitating on the emoji keyboard. Realizing you’d spent far too much time contemplating this, you simply save what you have and hurry back to the bathroom, something in your brain urging you to not keep her waiting.

Within an hour, she sends you a text in all caps and a smiley face that tells you she’s arrived, and you can’t hide the fact that you’re surprised when you come outside and she’s waiting on the passenger side of the car.

“Hey! How are you?” she greets cheerily as she approaches you with a hug, and you shiver when her hand touches your lower back. “Are you cold?”

“No, I’m okay.” You smile and thank her when she opens the door for you, attempting to collect yourself as she crosses to the driver’s side again. “I’m really happy to see you again.”

“You are?”

“Yeah,” you admit quietly as she pulls away from the curb. “Is that such a bad thing?”

“No no, I just didn’t want to assume you were enjoying our time together as much as I was.”

She places her hand over yours while she glances at you, smiling as she squeezes your fingers and thigh lightly. You feel a rush of something traveling from the places she touched to your brain, only slightly aware of the fog settling in your mind.

“Well I didn’t want to be too enthusiastic about it and scare you away if all you wanted was friendship,” you clarify, meeting her eyes when she reaches a red light.

“I suppose you’re looking for more too, then.”

“I am now.”

The light turns green and she breaks eye contact, but the little smirk that follows tells you everything you need to know. At least, you hope it does.

“I think he’s the cutest one we’ve seen yet,” you comment about the kitten that hasn’t looked away from Wanda since you approached his area. “He seems really drawn to you, too.”

“How did he get the name ‘Baby Satan’?” Wanda inquires with an employee, who approaches you with a chuckle.

“It’s actually Baby Stan, because we used to have an adult cat named Stan as well and needed to tell the two apart. We were going to give him a new name but decided to leave that up to his new family.”

“It says ‘Baby Satan’ though,” you cosign with Wanda, gesturing to the extra A mixed in with the magnetic letters that spell the kitten’s name.

“Oh, I’m so sorry! I don’t know how that got there,” the employee apologizes as she reaches over to fix the sign, and you watch her freeze as Wanda touches her arm.

“Don’t be sorry. Keep it; I want to adopt him.”

“Okay, right this way,” the employee mumbles as she turns awkwardly and stumbles over to a desk, and as the two of you follow her, you look back to see Baby Satan still staring at the woman beside you.

“What was that about?” you speak up finally once you’re in the car with her new furry friend, and Wanda frowns at you while fastening her seatbelt.

“What?”

“Why did that employee react to you like that? You touched her and she started acting really weird after.”

“Oh, Kim’s fine!” she assures you as she fixes her mirror before pulling out of the parking lot. “I actually asked her about that while you were looking at scratching posts and she said I’d overstepped her boundaries and made her uncomfortable. Don’t worry, I apologized and everything’s good again.”

“She told you her name?”

“She was wearing a name tag, babe.”

Babe...that’s new. Still, the sudden nickname doesn’t completely distract you from the fact that you’re certain there was no name tag on Kim’s uniform. You’re debating with yourself about bringing this up when you notice her heading toward Lane County.

“Are you taking me to your house?”

“Yeah, if you don’t mind.” She glances at you and over her shoulder toward Baby Satan before turning back to the road. “I figured I could introduce both of my kittens to the place they’ll be spending a lot of time in.”

Her fingers brush over your knee as “my kittens” leaves her lips, and you’re almost embarrassed when your hips involuntarily buck slightly. Noticing the small change in your behavior, she takes advantage of your head turned toward your own window and allows her instincts to continue driving while she stares at you, placing her palm on your thigh and rubbing circles on the fabric covering it that brings her closer and closer to your core.

“Home, sweet home,” Wanda announces as she pulls her wandering hand away to park the car, jumping out a second later and grabbing her furry son from the backseat. “Hey there, Baby S.”

You step out of the car in a similar fashion of pulling yourself out of a swimming pool, taking in the fresh air and trying to relax yourself as you follow her into the apartment building. The hallways reflect the quiet and clean neighborhood as you make your way into the elevator and up to the 6th floor, suddenly entering the most empty apartment you’ve ever seen.

Of course there’s furniture: a couch with a TV mounted on the nearest wall, a dining table with a set of matching chairs, a few stools placed at the island and kitchen appliances that are shiny and new. But there isn’t any personal artwork, posters, books or even just a lamp that you could tell Wanda purchased herself with one glance.

“Are you staying in an AirBNB or something?” you ask as she carefully places Baby Satan’s carrier next to the couch, and she chuckles.

“I guess technically it was one before I moved in, but I’ve been here for two years.”

“Okay...so where are your pictures?”

“What?”

“Where are your pictures?” you repeat, maintaining a steady voice despite the expression she gives you as she faces you again. “Pictures of your family, friends, you as a child?”

“If you knew my family, you’d understand why you don’t see them here.” She startles you by practically growling her words but you press further.

“Okay but you also said you love plants and we’re the only living things in here.” You step back to put more space between you while quiet shuffling noises are heard inside the carrier. “What’s really going on here?”

You can easily spot the shift in Wanda’s emotions: going from defensive, arms crossed and eyes glaring to resigned with slightly sagging shoulders and a defeated sigh.

“Fine, you got me.” She bends over to pick up the carrier again and passes you on her way to the door, stopping a few feet away. “If you’re serious about pursuing a relationship with me, then I should probably show you my real home.”

“I don’t know...”

“Come on, love.” She comes just close enough to bring your hand into hers and a tingle spreads through your body, causing you to pull away but her grip only tightens. “I promise I’m not going to hurt you, and this is the only time I’ve lied.”

You find yourself being drawn closer to her, and an almost familiar feeling washes over you when her thumb begins rubbing gentle circles into your jaw. The metal on her ring is so cold it almost burns upon contact, yet you nuzzle into her more with each pass along your skin.

“Don’t you want to be good for me without being forced to your knees first?”

If the fog surrounding your consciousness wasn’t so thick, you might’ve been shocked by this side of her, so calm yet demanding you serve her. But the hand on your jaw seemed to cover every inch of your body and sink into your nervous system, forcing you to fall into her and let her lead you back to the car with a simple arm around your waist. You’re buckled into the passenger seat again and a slightly blurry grin greets you from behind the wheel seconds later.

“I can’t wait to make you mine.”

Your head falls against the car window as she drives to the edge of Lane County, and your altered vision picks up on businesses turning into isolated suburbs into grassy fields into forests. You travel along narrow, winding roads past the tallest of trees with very few spaces in between, and your hazy state of mind prevents you from panicking when Wanda turns onto a dirt path that doesn’t even seem to be safe for bicycles. The wheels bump along the forest floor until she comes to a stop just outside of a two foot dwelling, similar to a cave.

Once the two of you are out of the car again, she holds your hand with her free one until you reach the cave, instructing you to sit in front of it while she does the same. She places her palm on the door, and her rings seem to come alive as they interact with it for a few moments before it swings open and the three of you are sent flying through a tunnel. You land with a groan on the hard floor and dust yourself off as you carefully stand, any questions dying in your throat as you face Wanda again, now standing before you in her true form.

“Welcome home.”

#wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x reader #dark!wanda maximoff x reader #avengers x reader #marvel x reader #frosty's dark!fics

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fumifooms · 2 years

Text

An unpolished review of Stranger Things 4′s Henry Creel and ableism. Eleven vs Henry, the good neurodivergent vs the dangerous mentally ill. Character analysis

Tldr, Stranger Things made some wild (insensitive) choices.

Umm so I watched the ep 7 of Stranger Things S4 and I have... Mixed feelings. I started writing this before volume 2 was out, and I’m finishing it in the end of july. I’ve had plenty of time to let it marinate, think and debate with others on it. It took this long for me to sort out my feelings and build up the courage to make any post in support of Henry Creel’s experiences and humanity, but I’ve gotten there, kind of.

I guess I should mention this too, kinda important, but I’m autistic. I was diagnosed at 18 and got all sorts of messed up and some internalized ableism I’ve worked through. The way I see it, currently in Stranger Things, the characters of Henry Creel, Eleven, Robin and even Will all have significant back-up to support them being autistic. Here what matters most is Henry’s, because his is the most overt and less masked, and Eleven’s due to the topic, but Henry having autism is the only actual diagnosis one I’m determined on defending. Regardless, canonically stated or not, much like being diagnosed or undiagnosed, it isn’t because you don’t have a label for it that you aren’t, and that the symptoms and experiences you have because of your autism don’t exist and don’t manifest. A character can have a mental illness or disorder without authorial intent, because things don’t exist in a vacuum.

A few important things to keep in mind before we start, well summarized by the following posts. I’ll still be reiterating these things as I go though bc people have no chill:

https://nemevex.tumblr.com/post/676815383203840001/mental-illnesses-can-increase-the-chance-of-being

https://psychonarc.tumblr.com/post/664768075380441089/its-interesting-to-watch-neurotypicals-grapple

https://theegosystem.tumblr.com/post/657136958513037312/id-title-of-picture-says-how-can-someone-have-so

Tldr: https://mibasai.tumblr.com/post/669402579694993408/reminder-that-if-your-horror-is-reliant-on note: regardless of how many decent neurodivergent portrayals you have in your show, if one of them is an actively ableist portrayal, your show is still ableist. Being an ally to neurodivergent people isn’t about picking and choosing who is too scary to empathize with and not just “these few misfit kids were good and deserving of acceptance despite being a bit quirky all along”

shortest tldr: https://aeon-of-neon.tumblr.com/post/685452896681230336/also-can-i-just-say-the-autistic-child-is-evil

My tldr: The way Henry Creel was handled is literally autism & aspd fearmongering lol.

It may sound like I’m excusing Henry in this post, and I want to be clear that my goal isn’t to defend Henry’s actions, my goal is to defend Henry’s humanity and complexity as a full human with emotions and thoughts for whose whole identity isn’t the innate want to cause harm and be evil, since everyone is so set on strictly seeing him as such. Perhaps, you could use your empathy, which you condemn him for not having, to not deem him an irredeemable heartless monster whose abuse is justified.

Warnings for spoilers and discussion of heavy themes such as ableism, abuse, animal torture and the targeted ableist killing by the nazi Hans Asperger.

Disclaimer: This is not a clean essay. I was and am hurt and very defensive of these experiences and feelings which I identify and sympathize with, and I am confused. There are ways you can interpret the canon text in good faith, where everything is aligned in a way that lessens the ableist damage, but you have to dig and theorize so much that it doesn’t feel genuine to say that in this one case the narrative wouldn’t be ableist. I find it very hard to contain all my thoughts in one essay, especially since there’s so much analysis to set up before you can even attempt to humanize Henry’s mentality and choices, so I’ve chosen to reduce this as a casual review rather than an essay, and explain Henry Creel’s various ideologies and actions in other, later posts. I might come back to polish this one at some point later though, yet once again. I have written and rewritten the same points as below in so many ways scattered on multiple private platforms. To “polish” this for posting, I’ve spent literally 8 hours nonstop today. God. Anyways, let’s move onto the thing.

Part of this essay was written before volume two and it’ll be apparent in the language and chronological order most times, but I did go back and organize ideas better and add in a few paragraphs so it might jump back and forth a bit.

The whole twist of Creel being One was sooo well executed and interesting and it had me hooked, I LOVED all of the build up to the reveal. I love mysteries that come together like puzzle pieces, and the way a lot of plot points and parts of the intrigue just tied together seamlessly felt so “wow” and satisfying. But then... They made him be evil because of neurodivergence...?

Like, it’s not about giving your villain a complex backstory and grey morals, it’s about the framing. And yes, the framing absolutely was ableist.

The framing

Because, the show is explicitely saying that Creel is evil because he was inherently different since birth. The show suddenly stops highlighting the abuse and stygmatization he has suffered (such as “all the teachers and doctors said I was broken”, the corporal punishment for speaking to El which we were made to sympathize with before the reveal),and starts treating him like he’s some exotic beast, not like us TM, a monster.

And all this while having him say such neurodivergent things to say... It was actually painful for me to hear him say everything, especially the whole spiders thing, because it was so relatable and accurate, and for it to be framed with ominous music in tandem with the narrative and ambiance that we should be repulsed with everything that comes out of his mouth & everything he stands for. It honestly felt like the show was calling me crazy and evil because I was relating as he was talking.

But hey, I guess if they were going for historically accurate story & character tropes then ableism is def a pick. Wow, you’re so creative, the antisocial kid tortures animals and that lack of empathy means he’s a monster! It’s overdone, guys. It’s Split level of ableist horror sensationalization. It’s not that deep. Intention matters, we’re always saying how intention matters, why is Henry defiguring animals the proof of his demonic nature when it was done out of a lack of self-awareness to difference right from wrong, which kids are famous for not having, much like when you burn ants through a magnifier glass? It’s not that big of a jump. People hunt recreatively. People often hunt unethically. Are recreative hunters demonized by society at large? It was done humanely without any ill intention mind you, but was I demonic as a child when I held the corpse of hares my family got in hunting traps and not thinking anything of its death? Henry wanted to practice his skills, and that’s what he did, on living moving targets. It wasn’t done for a pleasure of animal pain, it was done in an objective efficient detached mindset. That doesn’t make it not disturbing or alright, it just means that doesn’t make him a subhuman or something. That kinda was the line when I debated about Henry being deserving of a modicum of sympathy with my mother for her, and it’s wild to see how quickly people are to refuse sympathy to another human because they sympathize with animals more and want to overtly attribute morality to its death. “Yeah Henry was abused in the labs and that sucks I guess, but he did torture those animals” to practice his skills, yeah! Even with Eleven we were shown that killing, and even just pushing someone back, with psychic powers isn’t that simple, straightforward and without other effects, and if Henry could kill quickly without pain and other disfigurations, then better practice would maybe be to disfigure intentionally instead of going straight for death. It seems terrible talking about this, and that’s because it is, but once again I’m explaining thought processes and how they’re not super wild demonic ones that people can’t understand. I had to bust out the “I can tolerate abusive and traumatic human bigotry, but I draw the line at animal abuse” quote and then my mom conceded lol. Y’all need to demistify these sensationalized things and put them down from the pedestral of innate morality you’ve put it on, the show is manipulating you and kids don’t experiment with killing animals because they’re some widow spider demons coming to kill everyone. Empathy doesn’t equal compassion. Kids are kids.

It’s the way Stranger Things wanted Eleven to push him away with disgust and horror with 0 nuance, even if they were the closest thing each other had to friends in such a cold, abusive place for so long. It’s the way all the abuse he endured was no longer treated as such, the way the show now showed that abuse as deserved. It’s the way the pieces of the puzzle all came together for the grand evil villain finale and the explanation for his motivations wasn’t “I am angry at the world/I want justice/they’ve kept us prisoners and mistreated us” but was “I’ve always been different”, and without saying it so obviously wanting the audience to continue that statement with “which makes me want to hurt and kill people”.

It’s the way the show suddenly did an 180 from before and after telling his backstory and wanting him to become entirely unsympathetic. God I hope I’m wrong and the second part of the season spins that on its head. It’s not the fact that Henry is ND [NeuroDivergent], I think with his story that’s interesting and compelling, but it’s the way the show wants us to shake in horror at the Big Bad ND. Henry is a traumatized abuse survivor, he needs support and guidance, not to be killed on sight, like the vibes are supporting in ep 7. Henry massacred everyone in the labs after he’s been forcefully kept under its control for years and mistreated there by everyone, after a lifetime of trauma and the strong self-preservation survival instincts it caused, and the person he risked himself so much to help, who has gone through so much so similarly to him, that he feels a connection with, just immediately turns on him murderously after seeing what he’s done, no attempt to talk, no confusion, no heartbroken words, just “oh yeah I guess you know who I really am now, I’mma have to kill you too ig” and “I can’t believe you were so evil all along :(( I hate you & I have to kill you now”. Why so black and white? Like I almost feel gaslighted, I can’t be the only one to think that a step was missed here, how did we go from extremely abusive living conditions to fully dehumanizing the marginalized victim with 0 recognition that at least part of his resentment and agressive lashing back is justified?? It would have been so much more compelling and heartbreaking of a scene like it seemed they wanted it to be if they had Henry attempt to comfort/explain it to Eleven more on her level, like how he’s doing it for them or how they hurt them and all. He did, in a way, but even that felt through the lenses that Henry is only capable of manipulation. I still believe by his massacre Henry thought he was doing the right thing/what he needed to do. They wanted to get out and leave the life behind, Henry wanted to make sure it’d never come back for them, or hell, never continue and bring more people into the misery, with maybe that “purging evil from the world” stance yeah since it seems like the show is going for a Thanos situation. The point isn’t that that motivation makes it ok, the point is that Henry isn’t depicted as some one dimensional monster born and raised villain. The way he cares for Eleven’s wellbeing is so obvious, how did it end like that? Surely if he felt like himself and Eleven were really so similar, he would have tried reasoning with her when he saw she wasn’t on board with what he had done?

The problem isn’t that Eleven, another traumatized abused child, reacted intensely and violently to the very personal and upsetting events, it’s that the show, the narrative, the atmosphere and everything, takes her side on her reaction of killing him without any second guessing was just and right without nuance. The show giving any hint at all that Henry might have been deserving of sympathy or a chance was in the last episode, executed very dismissively.

The good neurodivergent vs the bad neurodivergent, and the lack of nuance

God, the parallels between One and Eleven through the season now are nauseating, because it’s the trope of the “good misfit everyone should actually love” vs the “misfit that everyone is right to reject bc they deserve it and are inherently bad”. What???? What?????? How does that not destroy every meaningful lesson and theme you’ve ever attempted to build? It’s the model minority schema, guys.

Do you know why Asperger’s is a very outdated term for “high-functioning” autism? Because it doesn’t exist, and was rooted in ableism. Asperger’s is a subjective assessment of an autistic person to evaluate if they’re smart despite being autistic and if they can function to the treshold they wish for, despite being autistic. Asperger’s was the difference between the “exceptional autistic genius that’s surhuman” trope and being labelled “mentally handiccaped”. You know what’s the difference between Asperger’s and autism? Masking. Masking, the act of suppressing your neurodivergence and mimicking neurotypical behavior which is detrimental to your mental health and exhausting to the point of often causing chronic fatigue. Masking, which is a defense mechanism and oftentime, a trauma response. The only way for them not to be rejected by society growing up, even through a lifetime of feeling like you don’t belong and not knowing what’s wrong with you, why you’re broken and why no one can fix you. Autism is a spectrum, it’s in the diagnosis’ name, and what that means is that everyone has different levels of symptoms, different limits and different tresholds. There is no “high-functioning” and “low-functioning”, it’s “how visible are your quirks, how easy is it for you to hide your problems in this society which was not made for people like you, how long and consistently can you keep it up, how much are you willing to damage yourself to fit in?”

Hans Asperger’s studies, in the era of world war 2, which resulted in the diagnosis and its different classification from autism, was literally, without going into gritty details, him gauging which autistic people seemed “smart” enough, functioning enough to be useful to the rest of society, which were exceptional enough to be worth studying and learning from, and differenciating those autistic people from the autistic people who should be sent to die.

I’ll be quoting this article for the next bit: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-truth-about-hans-aspergers-nazi-collusion/

Sheffer reveals how the Nazi aim of engineering a society they deemed ‘pure’, by killing people they saw as unworthy of life, led directly to the Holocaust.

With insight and careful historical research, Sheffer uncovers how, under Hitler’s regime, psychiatry—previously based on compassion and empathy—became part of an effort to classify the population of Germany, Austria and beyond as ‘genetically’ fit or unfit. In the context of the ‘euthanasia’ killing programmes, psychiatrists and other physicians had to determine who would live and who would be murdered. It is in this context that diagnostic labels such as ‘autistic psychopathy’ (coined by Asperger) were created.

Sheffer lays out the evidence, from sources such as medical records and referral letters, showing that Asperger was complicit in this Nazi killing machine. He protected children he deemed intelligent. But he also referred several children to Vienna’s Am Spiegelgrund clinic, which he undoubtedly knew was a centre of ‘child euthanasia’, part of what was later called Aktion T4.

This was where the children whom Nazi practitioners labelled ‘genetically inferior’ were murdered, because they were seen as incapable of social conformity, or had physical or psychological conditions judged undesirable. Some were starved, others given lethal injections. Their deaths were recorded as due to factors such as pneumonia.

Sheffer argues that Asperger supported the Nazi goal of eliminating children who could not fit in with the Volk: the fascist ideal of a homogeneous Aryan people.

This is incredibly serious for an Henry Creel tumblr essay, I am aware, and I am crying copy pasting this, and that is why this is important. Important for people to think about when they deem Henry Creel as a born monster. Why this is important to me. Do keep on telling me how Henry Creel was only ever good to imprison in a lab and experiment on, go on.

Because yes, Henry has explicitely neurodivergent experiences and displays over neurodivergent mannerism. Him not fitting in, having doctors trying to fix him as a person, and the whole feeling different (literally said by Henry as "I’ve always been different"). The whole relating to stygmatized animals is literally a very, very common experience in neurodivergent people with that sort of disorder. Even if it wasn’t intentional, it is so obvious that it cannot be ignored, and if the authors decided to ignore it anyways then that’s still ableism, you simply don’t want to admit your horror is rooted in ableism. But I do think it was intentional, because like I said they went out of their way this season to make Robin autistic. But especially because they did so many parallels with Henry and Eleven; they kept talking a about how "we’re the same you and me, we’re different" only being confirmed/reinforced by Henry being neurodivergent and saying neurodivergent experiences 24/7 and aaaaall the times people said like, "Oh Eleven is different. She doesn’t fit in" like so many times through the season and all the stuff in the labs and ugh. And yeah, the Eleven vs Henry parallels capitalize on ableist horror, the horror of the "good neurodivergent vs scary dangerous neurodivergent" trope, where one argues that one is fine and good while the other deserves no human rights. Because someone you don’t understand nor control having the power to snap under your abuse, just like any neurotypical, is a scary concept to many. It’s the unpredictable animal. You don’t trust that there is good in what you don’t know nor understand. And that goes both ways, you see no good in Henry, and Henry sees no good in humanity in kind, and with his experiences, it’s in part literally justified.

The thing with the Eleven vs Henry parallels though is that Henry was engineered to be “What if the villain was just like Eleven, but chose evil?”. That’s why in ep 8 the guys are like “Vecna is just like Eleven! How do we fight that?” That’s why the season kept having characters say how alike they are, having Henry say it, have other characters say how Eleven doesn’t fit in, all of it! They wanted dark!Eleven for the aesthetics, but didn’t bother making deeper themes, didn’t bother making it a true parallel because they wanted to dehumanize Henry as the epitome of categoric evil. It doesn’t work or register to the audience much, because they failed to treat him as they would have Eleven. Literally, they did the "Eleven thought she did it but actually it was Henry" while continually pointing out how "similar" the two are. Henry is literally a narrative of dark!Eleven, except they don’t offer him the sympathy that they would have offered her had their roles truly been reversed. Oh hurray!! Eleven didn’t actually kill all these people, she’s too good for that! She could never, in fact she’d rather kill the meanie who did it in righteous anger! No need for an identity crisis! No need to feel such guilt! Yes, the good girl could never deal with such a morally ambiguous revelation of something terrible she has done, there is no hidden evil sides to El like you might have thought with her assaulting her bully, she’s clean! A murderer is born, not made! <3 Because there are ways to respond to trauma that make you innately evil, of course.

We had fricking Billy hargrove. Billy Hargrove. Billy "tries to run over kids and torments everyone personally" Hargrove. They had Billy Hargrove get more depth, sympathy and respect than Henry "I’m Eleven but if she had snapped" Creel. I’m sorry but if Billy gets to almost run over kids to make a point and gets largely forgiven by the fandom then why can’t Henry who’s been intensely abused for a decade in the place he’s breaking free from and lashing out, like, the line to end all lines. You want to tell me emotionally stunted abused boy violently lashing out in a breakdown at his agressive cellmates and captors of 10 years is marginally worse than Eleven wanting to use her powers on Angela and impulsively hitting her head with an object for verbal bullying of like, some months? Yeah Eleven kinda regretted it, kinda, and the injury wasn’t super serious, but the initial intent was there, the impulse was there, if you lose control and give into the impulse, are you forgiven because the action failed to be as grave as you wished, or hadn’t thought through the possibility of serious/fatal damage? No, that makes you a Billy Hargrove who was willing to bet on kids’ lives that his sister would give into him before his car ran them over. Henry is dark!Eleven, indeed. Tell me, which of the two is the high-functioning autistic? We can talk all day about how they’re different, who is irredeemable and if that matters, but can’t we all just recognize the nuance? The shades of grey? It doesn’t have to be either "you’re an evil monster who can never change" or "misunderstood cinnamon roll who deserves all the good faith in the world", it can just be "you’re an ugly, hurting human being, and you suck, but I see you, and I recognize your pain and humanity. Your pain explains your actions, but doesn’t excuse them." A show shouldn’t bend the line of who has good in them and who doesn’t because one is your problematic fave while the other is supposed to be your big villain so you make him neurodivergent and different, forgetting that he, too, experienced the tragedy of his tragic backstory.

Framing is important. Stories create bias and hold bias, writing is biased and we as the audience are biased.

Let me ask you, when we kept getting told that Eleven killed a whole room of kid cellmates, what were your theories? No matter how much or little you thought about it, your instinct probably told you that in a moment of overwhelming emotions El had a violent burst of powers that she couldn’t/wouldn’t control. Did you think her lesser for it? Were you going to turn your back to her? What makes me so mad is the unwillingness of anyone to give similar good faith to Henry. This guy developed a “it’s me alone against the world that shunned me” mentality from a young age due to being ostracized by everyone in his life including his family, then handled traumatic truths about his family’s past misdeeds through superpowers and gained delusions of grandeur ideologies as a mechanism to give meaning to his life and otherizarion, was hospitalized against his will into the care of a doctor who groomed him for his purposes and unethically tested on him & then kept him a prisoner for roughly a decade (my guess). Is it really so hard to believe that his reaction to finally becoming free, getting back the power and agency they stole from him, and having to flee the place while workers of the establishment that abused him try to chain you back, you’d overly react? You wouldn’t have an emotional breakdown, an episode, a violent and vengeful burst? Who’s to say if your survival mode didn’t make you go on autopilot? That is an abused, mentally ill psychologically vulnerable young man who has never been treated with understanding or love nor therapy. He has spent more years in the lab than Eleven, and we all know how much it messed her up. In this same season 4 we saw how Eleven’s reaction to emotional distress is violence, when she tried to use her powers against her bully, and later with the rollerskate assault. We literally saw how the kids in the lab were pitched against each other and would torment each other, and use excessive force in experiment matches. They were literally raised to respond to conflict by being the stronger one in a fight. They want to survive and thrive, have learned survival of the fittest, and so prioritize themselves, it’s simple. ASPD is born from trauma. ASPD forms as a defense & coping mechanism. You would have forgiven Eleven for doing the same thing. Why is Henry Creel irredeemable even in the best world? Framing, is when.

Conclusions

You can’t just... Divorce things from their irl parallels or effects. You can’t have Henry Creel having explicitely neurodivergent experiences and encourage inherently fearing him for it. You absolutely CANNOT have the whole “these animals are misunderstood and perceived as scary by most, just like me” and DOUBLE DOWN on that by making that animal a scary symbolic thing for the main villain that is supposed to make your skin crawl and personify evil and has caused every horror that has happened in the show. It’s... It’s just so cruel. I don’t get it? I don’t understand. How can you have a speech on something just wanting to live its life unbothered and being stigmatized by everyone for no reason and going “yeah that’s 100% justified and you shouldn’t sympathize with them at all actually. If you do sympathize then that means there’s also something wrong with you”

And it’s such??? A wild take. It feels like the text is at war with itself, with what it sets up and states and what it does the next second. I can’t process that anything else but a sympathizing scene will happen in the climax with all the subtext of trauma and the contradictions that exists with the season as it currently is, but also I can’t see how they would handle a redemption or anything of the like, all while the episode/show is really going the “oh look at the scary mentally ill person!!” route so??? Wtf is going on. It’s such a wild 180, the before reveal and post-reveal season 4 characterisations, plotlines and themes feel so disjointed. What is up with the writing They literally went "I am so rejected by my peers that I latch onto this misunderstood, feared spider because I relate to its ostracization and struggle." And then the show goes "Yeah, you should fear him and those spiders. The spiders will come at you in horrific hallucinations, and Henry was born a murderous murder whose only way to cure is to be killed" that’s just so cruel of a narrative wow ok bruh

No, you can’t have the “omg this character is not normal, so scary” trap for your neurotypical audience and then at the last ep go “actually we were woke all along :)”. You didn’t frame this as some tragic character, you framed it as a monster who finally got unleashed, someone who tricked El into helping him commit atrocities despite it not being his intentions, attitude nor goal. It’s scary how quickly people are to believe the “Henry was manipulating Eleven all along” despite him never lying, pushing Eleven to do things, or even attempting to control her. Even at his most unstable and unfavorable to Eleven, during their confrontation, Eleven was the first to strike, and Henry didn’t say anything about forcing her to join him, just tried to convince her he is the righteous one and she should help him in his mission, tbh it kinda seems as if it hadn’t occured to him she might want to not join him at all. I’m not saying the threat at that point wasn’t there, I’m saying that to say everything Henry’s done was in the goal to manipulate and groom her with ill intentions is delusional, but that’s not a random conclusion, nor your fault. The show wants you to think that, with how his character’s demeanor shift, because he has stopped masking his more off-putting posture and tone, how the reveal of him being the big bad since season 1 comes into place at the same time, wow, he’s a mastermind! No, he’s an overpowered, lost, abused young guy who just digged himself deeper in his self-destructive coping mechanism. All the Vecna stuff comes in much, much later, and all he did before that was trying to show Eleven that she’s being abused and breaking her free of that abuse, then accepting her help when she offers to free him despite his reluctance. Was Henry wrong to tell her that Papa lies, to give her the chance to flee? Should he not have done that? And you might go “wait wait wait, you mean that facial expression and demeanor in the labs, besides a breakdown or mental illness episode, could also just be how Henry behaves when he’s not trying to appear neurotypical, when he’s not masking?” Yes. “Wow, it truly is so creepy, you can’t tell me anyone that isn’t a murderous freak would have body language like that! No wonder people wanted doctors to fix him and to forcibly internalize him into abusive psych wards, and keep him restrained!” Wow, you have so many ableist conceptions to work through and get rid off, no wonder Henry wanted you dead <3

People would have been pissed if Henry was treated just as the abused sad boy who did a bad thing for a good reason, but it’s still necessary to acknowledge that abuse and how it further shaped the abuser they have become, and I’m pissed that he’s treated just as some emotionless monster who is incapable of good or nuance ever. It’s not about changing the story, it’s about giving the right amount of accountability while not making the character one note. Stranger Things having a one note evil monster human villain would have been fine, IF they didn’t make the character & their backstory so explicitely neurodivergent coded. How even do you screw up this bad. This was intentionally done, writing & framing doesn’t just happen. Why? The choice was either to capitalize on ableist demonization horror, or have it be subversed later on, but no matter what, it’s still a wildly ableist choice. You wrote Henry Creel as a complex human, why aren’t you treating him as one?

It’s very similar to Azula from atla, really. Child with traumatic childhood and misbehavior grows up somewhat and gets pictured as a mentally disturbed beacon of evil with no other motivation than inflicting pain ever. The show clearly shows aspects that would have you sympathize or understand to a degree, but has a strange obsession with playing ominous music every time they are on screen and manipulates the viewer to interpret every single of their actions as having ill intent. Azula was an abused child soldier who still tried to help her estranged brother despite getting nothing from it. Henry wanted to help El escape from the lab where she obviously should leave asap and asked nothing of her, the plan only changed because she, unprompted, took the initiative to help him in turn despite getting no encouragement before or after from him about it. The show & fandom in both cases are obsessed about all of their actions being manipulative, unwilling to consider that maybe yes, Azula didn’t want to have her brother killed and yes, maybe Henry just wanted to have the abused kid & kindred spirit he felt a connection with be free from the hell they lived in. If you don’t believe me about Azula, there are plenty of objective Azula scene & character analysis on Tumblr. This post is also interesting for the conversation at hand. I honestly could link so many things that support my other general claims and explain why things are wrong but man this could get so huge. This is such a prominent issue in pop culture and everyone is so ready to jump to the defense of ableist depictions of villains, ironically.

Is this why they made Robin autistic all of a sudden, because they knew their main villain storyline was ableist af... 🤭🤭 Anyways yeah Henry joins my pile of ND antagonists that were done dirty by canon

Henry Creel could have been written so well. The crumbs are all there, I could do a psychology analysis of him with his childhood and thought processes and have him still be exactly as he is on screen while being a complex, three dimensional villain. But nooo we get autism & ASPD fearmongering, alright.

There would have been soooo many ways to dehumanize Henry, to make him some heartless creepy monster, without making his whole aesthetic being neurodivergent = evil. They literally just had to not make his experiences be a copy of a neurodivergent kid growing up in an era very hostile and unaccommodating for people different like him. Like we see Eddie being treated, and even then Henry prob had it worse at least in some ways. They literally just had to not put his character through abuse and ostracization and then there would have been no reason to sympathize at all. A child who has enough issues to murder his family through fire is a child that has issues and needs help, not to be further demonized and cement their "me versus the world" mentality. They just had to not do these things, not even to do something else, just to take those out. Henry would have still been demonized by mannerism that is often shared with autistic people, amongst others, and would have still done all the horrible shit he did, but at least then the parallels would be much less worse, it wouldn’t be so overtly ableist and neurodivergent people wouldn’t feel hurt watching it.

Before this ends I do want to say that no, obviously, I don’t support Henry killing anyone, nor any of his bad actions. I don’t want to excuse it, and him getting some level of punishment is deserved, though rehabilitation is really more my jam, and if the punishment only reinforces the thought processes he gained as a defense mechanism... You know what I’m saying? It’s frankly immature to look at such an obviously morally complex story and characters and just, treat it the way they have? It’s disgusting. I guess I really shouldn’t be surprised about this from the show who depicts anything russian... That way though, lol... This was pretty emotional and unpolished, aka repetitive and ungraceful, but yeah I just hope I won’t cause a fandom war or get shit on or smth. It’s all just :( The stench of ableism is just undeniable and I’m both mad and disappointed, I just hope the latter end of the season will amend it somewhat. Was the episode low on time or something? Did the whole “actually yeah your heart is supposed to wrench in sympathy for him and the show frames it as super tragic and sad for him to have been pushed to become this way” and by “this way” I mean irredeemable in their eyes just go over my head or something? Must be my autism <3 I’mma still watch the show, and I cast no moral judgements for other fans, especially since a lof of this is the framing of the show manipulating the audience, but if you love the whole Henry backstory and how it was executed, at least understand/aknowledge how deeply problematic it was handled.

Part two (yep, those were all part one thoughts)

UPDATE - season 4 part 2

Wow it really got better! Sike it only got worse. I had hope during many moments in ep 8 to be honest. I really thought Eleven was processing the trauma of Henry turning out to be evil and having mixed feelings and all, like with the scene where she watched Max & co talk about him and how to take him down. The fact that “Henry’s just like Eleven, a supernatural gifted kid & kinda doesn’t fit in” and “So, how do we take Henry, the monster, down?” were said so closely next to each other and so casually, coupled with Eleven’s upset expression, really had me thinking that Eleven was upset to see Henry, an ex-friend and kindred spirit, as this monster they had to put down, and to be likened to him so much. I even expected that maybe the next thing one would say would be “Well, what are Eleven’s weaknesses we could exploit to kill Henry?” which would have been horrifying for her for sure, to have that parallel so easily not only be drawn but exploited for the murder of one.

The neurodivergent lines and parallels about Eleven are also still ongoing, so that solidifies that Henry is intentionally neurodivergent coded as well.

Papa’s death

I have my beef with Papa’s death and how it was handled.

Particularly, it’s really sad how all the other kids in the labs don’t matter beyond adding trauma flavor to Eleven. When she’s having cryptic flashback at first, she’s horrified at what she thinks she did, but not that much because of who they were. Afterward, she’s sad about it, but again, more in an horrified empathetic way rather than truly mourning them, it’s about her trauma, not them. Father is... Well it’s kind of left up to the audience to interpret how he reacted to Eleven, if like Henry said Papa only got more scared of her because of it, if he got intrigued by this new power and urges he thought she got, if he understood immediately that she freed 001 like implied, or if he was disapproving of Eleven for making him lose all his other experiments, or even sad at losing all these children. In the end, even if it’s very obvious to the audience that those kids were just traumatized children trying to get by in an abusive environment, how the show treats them is kinda dehumanizing, as mere plot devices. Eleven cried at the show of evil, because of guilt and maybe suppressed mourning, and Father pretty much dismisses their loss after the event. So that’s how their deaths were handled and shown, but how is the aftermath of it treated? Well it just isn’t mentioned. Not by any character, not beyond a “how could you let Henry be in proximity with these kids he ended up murdering!” which is about villifying Henry and questioning Father’s, an unquestionable figure of authority and all-knowing well-meaning caretaker put on a pedestral choices up to that point, and not really about the kids. Or a “all these deaths!” which isn’t about the kids, but about the virtue signalling. It’s not about them, it’s about Henry and the conflict between Eleven and Father, the arcs that the two are going through, of questioning that authority figure who’s always had a grip on her life, and of falling down his pedestral with others as well as with his own convictions. It’s not about them.

The episode is about Eleven, and Father and Henry. The arc shown about Father getting what he deserves isn’t about all the horrible things Father has done, getting confronted with them, attempting to atone or repress their memories or anything, it’s about Eleven rejecting him and everything he has taught. Let me repeat this. The episode where Father gets called out is about his treatment of Eleven, and Eleven first and foremost, if not ONLY. The level to which they acknowledge Father abused everyone else just as much as Eleven is very weak.

Please, let’s acknowledge how messed up, truly nauseatingly fucking MESSED UP it is that Papa gets told (paraphrasing bc I watched the ep in french) “You kept Henry imprisoned at the labs for so long... With all of us!” I was so positively stunned when Eleven said the first part with such resentful rage. Yes, Henry was abused, too! Papa kept all of you prisoners! He is why Henry got reaffirmed in his belief that humanity are a selfish and spineless disease to wipe out! He traumatized you all, traumatized him even further! But no. The reproach isn’t that Henry shouldn’t have been treated as some subhuman scientific experiment, it’s that he allowed monster murderous Henry to share their vicinity. That of course Papa should have known, if Henry was living with them for such a prolonged time, he was bound to eventually kill them! Can Henry just never have human contact ever again then?? How is anyone surprised Henry never got better when this is how everyone treats him. You don’t want Henry to get better, you want ease of mind from his existence, and killing him erases the problem just fine so why bother? Did you know, that a lot of professional therapists and programs deny cases that are “too severe”, even if the individual seeks help and self-improvement? A lot of people turn away patients with cluster b disorders just because the disorders, their perceived symptoms and perceived unstability scares them, even if the individual is harmless. Everyone tells pedos (regardless of criminal record if any) to seek help with a sneer, for example, but no one wants to be the person to offer that help, no even those whose literal job it is, and that’s why this question is one that is asked to anyone looking to become a psychologist. “Would you be willing/strong enough to accept to work with [insert type of patient]?”. Most of people’s answers are no. You don’t want them to get better, you want them to rot in prison away from the world until they die. I take no pleasure in saying this, but it is a real issue, and one that most people refuse to acknowledge. You don’t want Henry to get better, because you don’t trust his capacity nor worthiness of getting better, and that’s an issue, and that is ableist, but the blame is shared with the show because it encourages you to think that way, and the arguments it gives in support of this stance are ableist and insidious.

It really is truly horrifyingly dehumanizing to see how they categorically refuse to see Henry as a victim of abuse and trauma in any capacity, how they deny his complexity and capacity for non-evil so much. Eleven implies that yeah, it’s okay if Henry is locked up, in fact, he should never be allowed near anyone! He should have been killed as a baby! Because death was the only solution and getting him the earlier the better! It’s sad that Eleven doesn’t have even a shred of sympathy for him, considering how indeed similar they were and how they connected, how he was her only ally for such a harsh prolonged period of her life. She doesn’t even mourn the person she thought he was, couldn’t show the same sympathy for the victim of a same abuser the same way she has to the ones who injured and bullied her instead of helping her, albeit in a misguided way. The “You’re the monster” at Papa almost feels like an admittance that Henry isn’t fully to blame for his trauma? But mind the almost, the show still said Papa’s mistake was allowing the dangerous child he’s been abusing to be with other unstable kids. Yeah I’m sure it really helped how Papa encouraged violence (pitting the kids against each other in unfriendly fights, without punishing excessive use of strenght to hurt, and even rewarding shows of excessive violence by being impressed, beyond the obvious extra play time. Truly encouraging the survival of the fittest rule where the strong deserve to torment the weak) all while fueling his cynical hatred of humanity. I’m sure Henry would have grown to become Vecna no matter what happened to him, that the same would have happened if he got a shred of a healthy support system for once, if he hadn’t put into the hands of a system that wants him either assimilated or dead.

It doesn’t hurt because we needed speeches on the nature of abuse, it hurts because Stranger things is pushing ableist, anti-rehabilitation, anti-recovery narratives. Henry was born the devil, fated to become the dangerous monster he now is, and death is the only mercy for them all. It could be such an interesting complex take on Eleven’s character as well, of refusing all of Henry’s existing complexity and genuine interactions the two ever had because of the trauma the reveal caused, on how she needs to stop thinking so black and white, that she is not a monster for choosing fight in fight or flight, but still having an arc of deconstructing how she was taught to respond to conflict and distress by violence, because it is wrong. But no, we have milktoast pure evil vs born good and empathetic humans that must hatch it out and “no actually I’m not a monster I just needed to break free from your hold, Papa. But that guy? Yeah there was never any hope y’know some people are just born like that and can’t be fixed”

BUT on the other hand! I got really scared when Father started talking about how all he did was selfless & for Eleven, BUT Eleven didn’t validate or reassure him at all in the end even not as a dying wish, which I really really liked. Like yeah, she can be conflicted and heartbroken and sad over his death, of course, she can hold his hand or whatever, but I’m really super glad she (and the writers) didn’t cross that line of giving him unearned peace and validation by lying about how all the horrible selfish abuse he did was done caringly in some twisted way, and I’m so glad that narrative wasn’t truly pushed. He’s a delusional man who did horrible things and died desperately trying to justify them, and that is fitting.

In conclusion, I continue to be hurt. The gaslighting of the show only makes me more upset. I question the validity of my interpretation and experiences, and wonder if I have the right to be hurt. It tests my sense of self and moral convictions. But logic prevails all and here I am like, 5k later still holding strong. It’s not about defending murder man, it’s about aknowledging the facts of the literal show that Henry was in fact a victim of abuse, how that shouldn’t be brushed off as something that didn’t influence him at all and that, worse, he deserved, and also the basic human compassion principle that everyone is capable of good if given the right environment.

2nd conclusion

Y’all love the “I am the righteous hand of god” tiktoks about the kids fighting back their abusive parent with weapons so much, but when it’s the fictional literal dehumanized kid that’s different and has been told he needs to be fixed all his life showing visions to his parents of their worst actions out of some misguided sense of justice, then lashes out and fights back against his family after they try to get him forcibly hospitalized (into the system that got him abusively imprisoned and groomed for a decade, might I add. Justified fear to have, let’s just say), then goes on some murderous crusade of the ones who hurt him and his bestie after a decade of imprisonment and relentless abuse and are still trying to drag him back into chains, and suddenly you can’t understand it at all? Suddenly violence and confrontation isn’t a response to abuse, a fight or flight survival mechanism, that you can stomach? Where’s the empowering framing and catharsis now?

Like idk how to get you to understand, it’s literally maladaptive abuse responses because you maladaptively develop when you live in abusive environments and get exposed to trauma. It’s literally the “but is it justice or justified to bully the bully” age-old dilemma. What’s not clicking?? That doesn’t make it right it just means Henry isn’t a demonic shell of a human being and you’re not only demonizing this fictional character but also everyone who went through a similar struggle a similar way. It’s not a hard thesis to grasp.

Just to be clear for the umpteenth time, none of Henry’s actions are acceptable. I personally don’t see any of his interactions with Eleven as intentionally manipulative or insidious, I genuinely think he was trying to help selflessly and genuinely connecting with no underlying or evil intentions. I personally see Henry’s response to being set free in the labs of going after everyone who hurt him and could continue the horrible legacy of the labs, people who could search for him and drag him back like we see Papa do with Eleven through the seasons, in some emotional rageful trauma response to be justified. Justified, not acceptable.

Why would Henry kill everyone, including the kids? 1) We’re shown that the staff wants to chain him back and are very fine trying to use violence to do so. First and foremost, Henry fighting back is self-defense because he wants to get out and stay free. It’s pretty much life or death for him at that point, even if they only want to chain him again, it’s not much better than life, is it. That can easily spiral into killing everyone he comes across, because even if they run away they might be getting help or weapons, and at some point there’s no time to gauge a reaction. Then that can veryyy easily devolve into... 2) he’s having some sort of breakdown. After a decade stuck in a prison, he’s finally, finally free but the fight has just begun and as he has to defend himself against everyone coping & defense mechanisms activate and he’s put on autopilot, wether it makes him numb or with some twisted glee of satisfaction, both would sadly be responses of trauma that are valid to be seen as such. 3) The staff is trying to get him back. What if, even if he runs away, the labs would try to track him down and drag him back? That’s is a very sound hypothesis, and one confirmed since we see what happens with Eleven. The only true escape is to kill anyone that could come for him. Kill absolutely everyone involved in the labs. Also, since we see that Henry wanted to get Eleven out, him erasing everything of the labs could be a way to ensure others aren’t dragged into the experiments, for the legacy of the labs to be unable to live on. Though I don’t believe that Henry had so much foresight into the future at that stressful moment to have a reasoning like “I can’t let other superpowered kids alive or they might end up fighting against me”, and it’d feel disjointed from the rest and the tone as a main motivation. 5) Revenge. Those people imprisoned him and Eleven, bullied Eleven. He will kill them all for the way they hurt him and the one person he cares about. In his eyes, either they’re unworthy of life, or it’s really just to deal punishment and gain satisfaction from it. In this category I’d also put his life mission of exterminating humans, might as well start fulfilling it right away.

Why would he kill everyone but El? The show is very explicit about it. Henry sees himself in Eleven, a talented yet quiet and recluse misfit outcast, and feels some connection with her for it. Tbh it’s kind of canonicaly explicitely the neurodivergent spidey senses lmao. Anyways, and Henry got attached to her in that way, and wanted her free out of the labs. He didn’t want harm to come to her, she’s special, the exception, and if the opportunity arises he’d love to have her beside him as he does his genocide thing. He wouldn’t hurt El unprovoked, he even tried to talk/"reason" her into seeing things his way with his speech about his life and human nature. I think he sees himself as her guardian, in a way, a big reason for why he wanted her to wait safely in the closet.

The “visions of past guilt” he inflicted on his family is obviously a terrible, non-justifiable thing to do, but as a kid we’re taught very firmly that justice should be dealt and bad actions should be adressed, and to me it isn’t so wild that upon finding out the terrible horrible shit his family has done, would respond to that trauma by making them confront it alongside him who learned about it all, judging that they haven’t atoned for it enough since he, their son, never knew about it and never saw them sorry for it. It only solidified his unflattering view of humans as callous, immoral selfish creatures, and by then yeah I think that was set in stone enough for him to be ok with murder. But I do think killing his family was... Handled in the show in a weird way that makes it hard for me to suspend my disbelief and not just see the obvious attempt to dehumanize him fully? Like it was really cold, said matter of factly like “Yes, just as I’d planned they all died then and I wasn’t blamed for it. I never cared for them and I felt nothing but satisfaction at a plan well executed. I have never thought about them since, and continued my path into ridding the world of the human leeches”, and? Ok dude, go off I guess. Personally, so as for it not to totally break my interpretation of him as someone who isn’t a one dimensional personification of bloodlust, I see it as him overtly lashing out in the moment, and at the very grave results try to distance himself emotionally from it and act as if it doesn’t matter and he’d have done it anyways. An emotional lash out, response to fear and abuse and distress and a need to protect himself, like when he was free from the chip and the lab wanted to chain him back, like when Eleven got bullied to the point of meltdown.

And if I can give good faith to Eleven for not only being sad at the deaths of her cellmates out of guilt, and that she’s maybe suppressing all the positive she once associated with Henry and didn’t just do a one-dimensional emotionally detached 180 on her stance about him, then I can give good faith to a traumatized, abused Henry who’s never had a good support system and so latched onto spiders because he was just that lonely and otherized for making himself believe that his murder of his family was entirely planned and meaningful, because not being emotionally detached about it and realizing it was a senseless spill of blood would be too painful. I can give good faith that he doesn’t just have some black hole of bloodlust inside, and that if he does that’s born of a coping mechanism, but fundamentally it’s just flawed ideologies based on the need to give his difference and ostracization from other, normal humans, a deeper meaning than just “I have suffered so much because humans are flawed, and that suffering was senseless. But that’s okay, and I need to work through that and let things go, despite that in my era there are no ressources or common compassion for people like me”. Because “we all have good. They say that I’m evil and broken, but I think they’re the ones who are flawed, evil, and should be fixed. But I understand that that course of action is flawed, and none of us are evil and should be purged from the world. There is no need to continue the cycle of abuse and treat them like they have treated me. Coexisting won’t be easy, but I have to be the bigger person and try to make the world a better place in a way that doesn’t involve what they would do to me if they could. Murder is bad and shouldn’t be done, but they do bad things to me that shouldn’t be done and that’s deemed okay, but that doesn’t make murdering them okay because doing bad things don’t make them irredeemably bad people” isn’t the kind of lesson a literal child will usually work through and come to on his own, not when he’s hurting so much and trying to give meaning to his life, hence his “I must purge the world from humanity” mission. I think this might be my best way of phrasing this yet. Do you see? Do you see how cruel and senseless it is?

I want to continue watching Stranger Things, I liked the season so much before they pulled this, but it really hurts when they make me feel the urge to type out multiple essays attempting to defend an abuse victim’s humanity to the majority who is willingfully convinced that he doesn’t deserve basic compassion. I hate how even without looking at how people on tumblr talk about him, the ambiance and text of the show invalidate him so much and make me feel the need to add a paragraph on here about how “no, I haven’t had these experiences, I can just understand Henry’s way of thinking through logical hypothetics because as an autistic who’s only autistic I have learned to put myself in others’ shoes to mask better. No I haven’t killed animals willingly and no I never have violent meltdowns” because, while true, I know it’s because I’m so scared that people will look at this post and go “Look! If she can sympathize to these experiences, she’s dangerous and crazy, too!”, because that is the atmosphere Stranger Things season 4 has built up, and because I know from experience that some people will react like this, because I will be judged and my words and experiences will be devalued for it.

I am desperately afraid of people knowing I don’t hate Henry Creel with every fiber of my being, that I like spiders too, and Harry Potter’s demonization of snakes only inspire me to preach how great they are, that I headcanon my faves to have ASPD and NPD and while it adds to their struggle it’s not treated as something to be fixed, that empathizing with morally ambiguous characters who prioritize themselves is healing to me, and that all of these help me cope with life and how rough and meaningless it is. But you know what? I know that, I aknowledge that. But I want, I choose to, stand by these things. I am against demonizing people for neurodivergence and mental health struggles when they should be getting help and compassion, and you should too. Henry Creel’s framing is actively damaging, to both stigmatized neurodivergent and/or mentally ill people who need help instead of judgement, and to the greater public who gets taught that neurodivergent people are beasts to be seen as threats to evaluate and contain. It reinforces wider ableism, as well as internalized ableism.

Episode 9

It took... Almost a month for me to do any sort of retrospective on this episode. My biggest wish was fulfilled. The show explicitely recognized that Henry was abused at the hands of Papa, too. And... It was very underwhelming. Pretty disappointing. But I got it! I can’t complain, right? Well I will anyways bc I will not be restrained.

The whole speech of “you were abused too, and you can become better it isn’t too late” by Eleven felt very tacked on, very out of nowhere, unearned and not genuine. You’re telling me that you tried to kill him like 3 times before trying to have a single convo of any kind, and in the end Vecna needed to pin you to the wall and threaten everything you hold dear for you to extend to him the barest shred of recognition of humanity and compassion and not quite believe your words even as you’re saying them? Yeah... Sure. To be honest, it felt a lot like virtue signalling Eleven being good and the better person more than really to make the characters or the audience entertain the thought that Vecna might have some good and capacity for growth in him somewhere. Once again, a scene about Henry’s trauma is more about Eleven than it truly is about him. But? As for acknowledging that Henry Creel is a victim of abuse and has gone through though shit, that’s good enough for me. But I debated a long time on if this essay should still be posted then, and I do think it should be. A small, half-hearted half-assed concession that his humanity existed at some point does not erase the framing and all the damage it has done.

A recurring thing I hate with how they did Henry is the aftermath with Eleven. Like, Henry was kind of her only ally in the place that abused her for so long? She was friends with him? They shared secrets, and some trust bond that didn’t seem wholy one-sided from Henry? And you’re just going to throw that all away and think the audience will believe there’s no remaining feelings about it? The show seems to go down the route that the reveal traumatized her a lot, so from then on she responded to Henry with immediate violence and intense hostility. If she sees him as a one-dimensional villain who manipulated her and can do no good, then she can’t be conflicted about the nice moments she shared with him, the good she thought she saw there, and the pain of losing the closest thing she had ever had to a friend. So she suppresses thinking deeper about Henry and respond to confrontation of him or the topic of him by being very hostile towards anything him. But then the last scene?? Doesn’t really work because she hasn’t undone that at all. She doesn’t sound sincere when she says it. Her back is to a literal and figurative wall, Vecna is going to kill all her friends, and now, now after trying to kill him many times over without even attempting to talk, now you’re going to appeal to his humanity? It doesn’t feel like a change of perspective, it feels like a desperate, last ditch attempt to win the war and get out alive. Which is why it feels fake af

It’s really ironic how Stranger Things season 4 really just reinforces Vecna’s beliefs. Humans are vermins who go by the survival of the fittest rule. Everyone treated Henry like shit at every stage of his life. Papa made the kids fight each other for basic needs rewards. He could flee the facility if he wanted because he was the strongest, but he wasn’t so Eleven won. Eleven was going to crush him mercilessly, but he had her by the throat, and suddenly she’s willing to allow the thought of him having a crumb of humanity.

Oh and I forgot to mention it but they used the psycho word derogatorily on Jason which... Just pretty much confirms that they don’t care about being insensitive and explicitely ableist. Jason doesn’t even truly fit most of the criterias, get it right. Jason alongside Henry is prob going to be one of the most hated Stranger Things character ever, and the writers knew that, which is why the choice of word as Lucas delivers a beating and he dies in the unleashment of the apocalypse without a spare glance all the more telling. Like, I do really hate Jason as much as the next person, but can we appreciate that the show explicitely showed us that he was grieving intensely, and how the way society behaved around Jason and people like him had a huge part in why he turned out the way he did? Get this, Jason is portrayed to have more emotional depth than Henry Creel! The bar is so low lol...

Final thoughts on the season

Ok hot take but not really, but I was lowkey pissed at how the season just, doesn’t talk about Lucas and sports at all? The show kinda implies that he joined the basketball team and everything just for the status, to be accepted and all, but does Lucas just not care about the sport at all?? Does he not like basketball?? Is he naturally gifted to have landed that winning score or did he spend many hours desperately training to have a chance of popular kids accepting him? We don’t know!! Why don’t we know when that’s like, such an obvious loose thread! I always kinda just thought that he, y’know, wanted to do basketball on the basketball team but the way it’s all done and how Lucas says smth like "I should never have joined the team bc they suck and i have u guys" in the last ep and I was like?? So was the basketball just a secondary thing to making the team or? To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with that narrative, it’s actually really compelling. But the thing is that the show doesn’t address it at all, it kinda implies it but doesn’t state anything or does anything with it so it kinda just dies a no closure death and feels off and ruins the potential when all the right cards for it were already laid out. Actually that last criticism is a common flaw i’ve found throughout the season tbh. Putting all the crumbs necessary for cool pay-off or plot twists, then just doing nothing with it or worse, dismissing them and contradicting them. Sooo are we just going to ignore Henry was abused for like, a decade and his parents wanted a doctor to fix him and apparently they’ve done terrible shit like possibly set fire on a baby or smth??? Ok yeah ig we’re just not going to address that at all until like the last 10 minutes half-heartedly maybe, also u get no deeper answers, and was Henry an abuse victim truly? Up for debate, apparently, which it shouldn’t bc it’s pretty explicity but the show likes to gaslight ig Ronance? Eddissy? Shit, we the writers def noticed the glaring chemistry but it’s too late to make changes to the script now so let’s just keep everything the same & have it both ways and never address the obvious sparks flying. Oh and let’s not ever have the main cast talk much about Chrissy or have Eddie like, grieve or talk about her at all besides self-pity and trauma? Was the whole Jason plotline really the biggest reason for Chrissy to be important? When you examine it deeper it, kinda just feels sour and stale. And I’ve got other examples but I’ll stop here, I kinda sound way too nitpicky. But point is, this season just had so many subplots that went nowhere with no closure, narratively or thematically.

The thing is! The show keeps wanting to act as if Henry is this unreasonable guy always scheming and manipulating but! He’s just a traumatized dude with murderous convictions! Convictions can be changed! The guy latched onto spiders as a kid, he’s never formed a meaningful relationship with anyone ever, never had someone to fully support him or help him through things, and the one kid he did form a connection with ends up stabbing him in the back without a second thought? How is that supposed to make him deescalate or deradicalize? How is that supposed to change his mind on being a loner and humans being beneath him? I’m not saying it was imperative for El to accept him or whatever, it makes a lotta sense she doesn’t, but I’m saying it’s no wonder how it further cements him in his way. Even in the aftermath of her killing him, he can’t let go of the one bond he’s made fully. Eleven becomes his one true rival. She’s still special. He still cares, in a weird twisted way.

So the show wants us to see the reveal and be all "omg he was manipulating her all along!!" Um, no? If you think back on it at all, you’ll see that not really. Henry gives Eleven advice to survive in the labs and try to thrive as they can. "Papa always lies", yeah? That’s true? He gives her genuine advice that works. In a way, he’s also pushing her onto becoming the top kid, and using anger and power to do so, but again, he was taught that way too I don’t think we can fault him for that, especially not if it works. That place is built on that, if agression is the response that’s rewarded in those abusive living conditions, can we fault them for playing by the rules instead of getting crushed under the others’ boots? In a way, the other kids who bully El also represent the "it’s me against the world" mentality Henry has, it’s not just El’s bullies, it’s also Henry’s childhood bullies and everyone else trying to keep him down. It’s the ones who don’t understand him, who fear him, the neurotypical bullies. Okok yeah so- Henry wants to get Eleven out. He truly, genuinely wants to. He can run away himself, but if he can help her get out, her who he sees himself in, why wouldn’t he? He was never going to mention his chip. Eleven turned around at the last moment, so close to freedom, and was like, "Wait, I want you to come with :(". Henry shows her his chip, resigned, and doesn’t suggest anything about it. Eleven thinks of the way to help him and volunteers and insists. Henry doesn’t hurry about it, doesn’t cheer, doesn’t do anything. She frees him, and he’s grateful for it, and then after carving his way out of the labs with corpses they’ll run away together and idk find life goals outside in the world. Where?? Where was the manipulation?? Bc he gave her true advice?? Because he let her free him the way she thought up of?? He never suggested anything about it! Esp since like, Henry wasn’t even truly allowed to talk to them in the labs or anything. As soon as the reveal happens, El is in a "kill as soon as possible without mercy" mode. As soon as the reveal happens, the only right way to deal with Henry Creel is to kill him, and someone should have killed him as a baby so he couldn’t have hurt anyone and become the monster he was bound to become :) OKAY

Henry is, like implied earlier, in many ways like Billy. Hurt people hurt people. The cycle of abuse. To become stronger than his dad, able to survive in his household and then stand up to him, he had to toughen himself up and put himself in his dad’s shoes of what his dad values to be able to fight against it. He had to become strong, so he became twisted. And it worked. He’s alive, top of the school and household when his dad isn’t there. To become stronger than the monster he became a bigger one. It’s survival. With Henry, it’s more to prevent further pain and abuse, but it’s kind of the same thing. "I’m broken? I’m prophecized to become the dark lord and you’re terrified of me? You want to take away my power and autonomy because you’re scared of what I might do when you mistreat me? Well, if this is to be my destiny, I’ll give it to you, and then nothing will be able to chain me back"

And you see this is what I mean by the season being weird! Because like, the shows reinforces that that’s the correct way to see him! That he is a ticking bomb and heartless monster and Eleven and the guys, our moral heroes, should try to kill him without a thought. Well, except for that 1 throwaway speech in the last ep ig lol. Again: "I relate to this spider bc people hate and fear us but we just wanna be" = the show portraying him as the epitome of evil with no possibility for good or growth and everyone ever in the show thinks that about him. Again. This is always what I keep going back to. The spider. He wants to be like the spiders. He want to live carefreely and mind his business in lonesome peace. This kid is so broken, but the thing is that when I say that, I don’t mean that he was born this way. People never gave him or the spiders a chance to be something else. They broke him.

A kid doesn’t tap into his parents’ deepest regrets and make them relieve them in some twisted sense of justice for no reason? Are we not going to talk about the kid having to see his adult parents’, who are supposed to represent safety and morality to a kid, worst misdeeds and guilt? The trauma that that would cause? That craddle on fire. If the parents had to grow emotionally detached to their misdeeds to keep the guilt from drowning them, can we blame Henry from growing detached to whatever attachment he might have had with his family? Can we blame his nihilism, him not reflecting about his actions and the damage they cause? No one ever bothered to ask what hurt him. Are we never gonna address that his parents have always wanted to fix him? And by the show’s portrayal, they’re taking the route that "Yes, Henry has something broken in him that should be fixed, but he can’t so instead let’s just imprison & kill him that’s the best and only thing you can do" I can’t express how incredibly ableist this is. Do you see why I’m so fricking mad that they used explicitely neurodivergent narratives in his origin story?? Do you see why the Henry vs Eleven parallels is, yeah, kinda cool, but narratively wise is a "dangerous scary neurodivergent vs good and useful neurodivergent, learn to differenciate them only one is valid" and how that, like, literally parallels society’s wider ableist stigmatization and the way nazis categorized autistic people into categories of who deserved to live because they were smart enough and who to kill? I was watching the origin story of Henry, feeling for the kid relating to spiders and so lonely and miserable, and as I related the show played ominous music and all about the framing was designed to make us recoil in horror at every word, so what does it mean if I’m relating when I should be intrinsically repulsed?

Damaging ableism

Killing animals and other shit he went through are things that some real, irl kids go through, and they shouldn’t be put on a kill list for it, they can grow, they’re kids. It’s called conduct disorder, and it can be helped and redirected with therapists. Conduct disorder and other maladaptive behaviors most often form from trauma and abusive living conditions. A kid’s animal abuse shouldn’t be the line you draw to judge their innate value and goodness.

These below are very real things people with stigmatized disorders and mental illnesses face in real life, and things which Stranger Things supports with Henry Creel: - Forced hospitalization and being involuntarily restrained are more common and more widely accepted. - Having their diagnosis brought up in court to devalue their testimony and stances, to support a bias against them. - All of their actions ever are analyzed under the scope that their goal is to manipulate and/or done with ill intentions. Often tied with point above. - Similarly to above, having their feelings and experiences invalidated. Having their experiences gaslighted. Being seen as abusers immediately despite whatever they’ve done if anything, and unwillingness of being seen as abuse victim themselves, despite it being one of the biggest causes of some disorders. - Having their fight or flight and trauma responses judged as an action committed with full intents and capacities and as a way to assess their innate morality. - Can’t be trusted to make any choice ever, including what is good for them and their healing process. - Denied help by professionals due to being too much of a “tough/serious case”. Denied support by most for their diagnosis alone. - Not being able to open up about their issues to anyone because they will be judged and abandoned.

Other things Stranger Things encourages in dealing with neurodivergent people who make you uncomfortable with their symptoms: - Fearing and denying support for a neurodivergent child with or without conduct disorder, both if it’s your child or a patient. - The overall, extreme dehumanization of anyone who feels or seems creepy to you. Wether it be because of behavior, diagnosis or vibe, or whatever else.

I’ve debated with many of my friends on Henry Creel’s emotional turmor and humanity. My thesis every time: that Henry Creel was a victim of abuse and deserving of a sympathetic framing through it. Every time the other started hostile to the idea, very reluctant to the idea of him having emotional depth and issues that are born from pain and hurt. Every time, they ended up conceding that the show made things out to be much more black and white than they were. My point is that when doing these debates, a large portion of their points on how Henry never deserved sympathy were either ableist or easily explained by “yeah but that was largely caused by abuse, which is what I’m asking you to acknowledge”. Henry Creel’s portrayal actively drives people to be ableist and ungenerous to him, his experiences and his pain. Stranger Things said that Henry should have been forcibly hospitalized from a young age and never trusted in the presence of anyone, he should have been controlled as soon as possible and monitored carefully and closely. Stranger Things said Henry Creel isn’t capable of growing as a person, while never extending a genuine hand of help. Invalidated, evil and wrong on every point, abused for the majority of his life, Henry should have been able to grow and become better on his own without help because he doesn’t deserve help, and even with that growth who knows if he’s “truly” good now and if he deserves to be forgiven. When Henry Creel opened up about his perspective and life to the one person he had ever trusted and liked, that person immediately recoiled and violently lashed out at them. People keep using the ways Henry reacted to trauma as ammunition of how murderous and evil he is without attempting to seeing his point of view. People dismiss the idea of Henry having any positive intentions, thoughts, hobbies or feelings ever because he “has no empathy” and “insert other ableist reasoning”. The hatred of Henry Creel is one that is first and foremost built upon the denial of compassion.

Hope?

Yeah, if there’s one thing we can always hope for, it’s better for the next season. There are a lot of spots amiss. Will Stranger Things 5 come back and explain how his mother realized he was causing the visions? Will we learn more about the guilty horrific visions of their past horrible deeds? Is there any sort of redemption or de-escalation arc that’s on the table at all?

This from the staff does give me hope. In the remaining time, Henry Creel’s character does a lot more harm to the neurodivergent community than good.

In the end, so far, the show tried as best as it could to fit Henry Creel in small square boxes. The same boxes that caused his core issues, and the same boxes that neurodivergent people don’t often fit into.

Man. Wtf were they thinking. So much cool psychology themes potential but you make Vecna one note wtf. There is so much ground for interesting themes and you choose ableism wtf wtf. Why BLACK WIDOWS?? Why with that explanation??? If you wanted to make Henry a evil emotionless dude you should have chosen scorpions dude. Like? That tale of the scorpion that sunk itself and its ally after lying with the end punch of "Why did you sting me? Because I’m a scorpion." Would have been perfect and not ask for a deeper reading. But nooo it was "black widows are misunderstood and feared when they are just amoral beings that want to live and do nothing wrong” and for some reason they truly are born monsters according to the show.

I am sorry but the narrative of "I am so alienated from humanity that I will cling onto these ugly hated bugs living in my house that were just chilling to get any sense of belonging, we’re both so alike. We’re both miserable but have the power to not be helpless anymore. To have our turn being the ones in control of who has a right to live. And I’ll channel all that bitterness and hurt into making the world free of what has brought me pain and leave it objectively better for it" is just too raw and full of hurt that I will never not have empathy for him, and I will repeat this as many times as I have to.

Okay. This is as done as I’ll get it to be I think. Jesus. If people want to debate that’s fine but tbh I don’t think I’ll respond, I’ve debated and written so much already. Yeah some of this could be worded better but like, if you need me to be Shakespear to grant compassion I’m sorry to say that your compassion doesn’t mean much... To me, now, anyways.

Like I said it’s fine if u liked the way it was executed or whatever, you do you, as long as you acknowledge the problematic, deliberate choices I’ve done my job I think. If you don’t care about the ableist treatment though we’re gonna have beef, but pleaseee I’m anti-harassment just leave me alone and we’ll be fine.

Extra, lowkey relevant video to watch if you want, to grow perspective and empathy for those you deem too far gone: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azRl1dI-Cts&ab_channel=TEDxTalks

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