#I do understand the fear of deconstructing things without purpose --it does happen

[rawliverandgoronspice]

re: sympathetic ganondorf vs evil for evil’s sake ganondorf, i think this is misrepresenting and underselling what’s actually offputting to people

“i’m evil because i’m evil” or “i’m evil because demise is evil” and the associated lust for power simply for its own sake has always been lame and low effort. there’s a reason it’s “shit tier” on the classic “villain motive tiers” thing

“i’m evil but there’s enough nuance to make the player at least somewhat sympathetic to me even if i’m still ultimately a bad guy” is a good thing that people like? i’ve never personally interacted with a zelda player who thinks windwaker ganondorf ruined the character or anything - he’s generally regarded as the gold standard of villain writing both in and out of zelda. this is roughly “high tier” on the tier chart

“actually TWIST i’m not evil at all, it’s the good guys who were evil all along, i’ve done nothing wrong and i’m completely justified in my righteous quest against the status quo, you’re the real secret true villain for being complicit in preserving it” is technically regarded as “elder god tier” on the motive tier chart but i would personally label it as “oscar bait tier”. these things *can* be compelling in conversation with the existing landscape, but often it comes across as a deliberate effort to subvert the audience’s expectations for the sake of being unpredictable (or worse, for the sake of proving you’re the smartest one in the room). in separate works where this conversation/critique is the entire point (eg. Watchmen or The Boys), that’s not necessarily a bad thing, and the audience sets their expectations accordingly. in an established, long-running franchise, however, this almost always reads as dripping with contempt for the audience, like walking into a room and going “you morons like this shit? let me, a person much smarter than you, explain what it’s Actually about, because you’re an idiot if you’ve been a fan of this series before now”

on top of that, in the context of a series like zelda, this type of story feels myopic and disrespectful to the future of the series. “welp i burned down the 20+ years of lore behind this character so i could do a deconstruction, good luck using them in any capacity in the future, sounds like a you problem”

all this is to say, i think it’s a bit disingenuous/strawman-y to suggest that people put off by this want ganondorf to have 0 depth at all. there’s a lot of room for different kinds of depth, it’s just that the trend of the last decade has been for “depth” to mean “condescending deconstruction”

Hey!

Thanks for taking the time to write this ask, I think it warrants an interesting conversation. To me, there's like, a lot of things about what you're saying, and tbh I do see where you're coming from --in part.

First thing first... No yeah unfortunately some people Are hostile to even WW Ganondorf. It's been a rising trend in the fandom since TotK was released --people being very against the concept of any additional complexity to the character, either not getting it or considering anything he says pure manipulation that doesn't even warrant a conversation, literally making fun of people who were intrigued by this and wanting more out of this particular thread. This position not only absolutely exists within the fandom --less so on tumblr, I'll agree there-- but it's not even hard to stumble upon as a pretty regular opinion that gets tossed around. I had some interesting asks thrown my way, let's say. The idea that Ganondorf is a remotely interesting character that deserves more thought than what he gets is very much Extremely not the norm, and the very fact that you, as a fan, likes him as a guy is perceived as weird and missing the point by a lot of people. Like a lot a lot of people.

So I'll just... I guess I haven't clarified my position in a while, so I will reclarify my position on our favorite evil dude: I do like him perfectly fine as a villain, I do not want him to be "redeemed" by the narrative, I think he works fantastically as an ongoing threat, I think they could make him even scarier and more offputting and that would be super fun and thrilling... and I also think he already is complex. Like, inherently. Everything Nintendo has been putting into him since his first appearance is complicated --even their attempts at flattening him back in TotK do not fully work because they can't scrub him of the extremely loaded ideas they injected into him from the get-go. Nobody forced Nintendo to do a Mega Orientalism when inventing him, nobody made them write the NPCs to have this super weird antagonistic relationship to the gerudos in OoT, nobody made them have all this lore of the one man born every hundred years, raised by twin witches --and then nobody made them press on that tension point in Wind Waker explicitely, and then, in a more subtle fashion, in TP too. Nobody forced their hand when it came to having the strange "round ear" situation, suggesting (confirmed even, in additional canon) gerudos are born unblessed. The fact of the matter is: everything to make the relationship between Hyrule and the gerudos complicated has been there since 1998. There's no need for a Switcharoo to prove that anyone is smarter than the audience: everything messy has always been baked within the worldbuilding itself. It's in the cartridges already!!

Perspective on it is what could change, though --because, except in Wind Waker, we never get even a hint of a sense that we should think, as an audience, that Hyrule's super weird relationship to the gerudos is maybe questionable. Worth thinking about at least. Which, given the optics, is wild to me that to bring this particular can of worms up is still very largely considered crazy talk within the fandom (that, or the Sheikah situation across the series, also insane in many ways). And yes, it would perhaps lead to themes that are a bit heavier than what Zelda has been overtly dealing with (though, again, Majora's Mask exists --and I do find a lot of unpacked ideas in the Wild Era, like the very unquestionned gerudo bridal pipeline, very uhhh unfortunate already if I'm being honest --even moreso because it is unquestioned). But Zelda, when well handled narratively, can do wonderful things with evocative subtext, open doors never fully crossed, a lynchian pressure on what should feel offputting. We don't even need a sad monologue about it. It doesn't even need to be handled explicitely. But I think the pressure point is just better when understood and incorporated in some form, instead of being denied so hard the world itself start to feel incomplete and unlived.

I do want to say... I get what you mean with the whole "oscar bait" thing. There has been, historically and in recent years, a tendency to be driven by an external, almost panicked sense of morality rather than by the internal drive of a story, its internal thematic logic. I also do think it can feel very corporate, very "Disney looking back at its own movies and scrubbing off everything Buzzfeed deemed problematic in 2014 while making everything glossy and lifeless and awful" and it's not that great!!! and tbh I can't say I would trust Nintendo to handle any appreciation for the fact that the story of an eternal golden kingdom cheering on beating the evil outsiders who want to corrupt everything good and pure and blonde about that perfect inherently good place, is like, extremely not neutral. It absolutely is a delicate thread to weave, and I agree that putting a definitive end to Hyrule is probably not the smartest IP move to do. But, Hyrule doesn't have to be condemned as Bad, it can be merely complicated. And ongoing, regardless. To keep on with the Disney parallel: The Lion King would feel weird if we started to peel off the internal politics of the hyenas, it's just not the right place for it, when everything about this story revolves around the Righteousness of the Divine Right to Rule. But if the Lion King was an ongoing series that had been looping on itself for a while... wouldn't it make sense to figure out how to achieve majesty by studying other angles too, eventually? Is it that strange to suggest the exercise is like, possible? That it can be handled with artistry and soul?

I feel like... Yes, to acknowledge Ganondorf's humanity --not even to coddle it, just to acknowledge it-- implies taking in everything that makes him who he is, and that might rattle some foundational ideas about why this ancestral fight is even happening in the first place. I also do not think it means that he must be Good now. He can still punch a child and cackle maniacally, he can still be unredeemable --he can still destroy himself and others out of the most unconstructive spite ever, and we can still see the purpose in defeating him while basking in the "yea....." left in his wake (Wind Waker did that!!! Wind Waker did that and then we had more Zelda games!! crazy how that happened). This is hardly undoable. It does take some narrative skill, and some commitment to taking a bit of a risk, but Ganondorf is genuinely unmanageable as a character if you insist on your refusal to acknowledge his foundations --and I think it's partially why TotK's story is such a mess. He sells a TON, but you can't have him breathe slightly too loud without risking the entire world falling apart. They did try in TotK, so very hard, and to me they still failed--as insane as he behaves, Hyrule still doesn't come out of this looking good or particularly justified, because the very central core of Ganondorf's character is to be subjugated, and then rebelling in a destructive and brutally selfish, uncompromising manner that ends up robbing him of humanity --and the discomfort of that premise will therefore always haunt the conversation. Nintendo dug themselves into that mess. I feel like a lot of the Ganondorf fans I know merely... point at that. At the mess. And I feel like the longer the games avoid this mess, the more coats of spinach green they slather ontop of his skin, and the more nonsensical characterization they pile up, and the more Ganondorf will become a parody of who he once was, and what made him compelling to begin with.

And to top it all off, as if he wasn't contentious and complicated enough to handle already, they leaned into the internet turning him into a sex symbol for some fucking reason??? Yeah I genuinely have no idea how Nintendo will manage this dude moving forward, because to me, he is, at best, an endless source of (very lucrative) headaches, and at worst a ticking time bomb. I'm not sure how long they can get away with that TotKification strategy, is what I mean.

(Also: I tried to not overdwell on all the incredibly complicated conversation re: race and orientalism, but it's borderline impossible to have this conversation without acknowledging that I have never seen a major pop culture villain receive more pushback against "woobification" than him, and I don't think it's a complete coincidence let's say :) )

[thewisecheerio]

Elden Ring, Systemic Oppression, and Scapegoating

The most chilling lore associated with Messmer is this line from his armor set:

On his mother's wishes, Messmer made himself a symbol of fear, undertaking the cleansing crusade she desired. "Direct thy maledictions, thine ire, and thy grief towards me alone."

Yes, it's driven by compassion. Yes, he's doing it out of a desire for his mother to be able to "correct" the things she suffered. Yes, yes, very sweet, we all love the snake man and the way he wields his compassion to do vast evil.

But you know what else this does? By directing all ire toward Messmer, he makes himself the scapegoat for the system, allowing the flogging to continue endlessly. He is distracting from the real problem, on purpose, so that no one targets the real problem. Messmer is singlehandedly the most potent weapon in Marika's arsenal for enforcing her oppressive vision on the world and maintaining its power.

When you're suffering under a bad system and have no easy scapegoat for that suffering, you understand that the system itself is the source. You understand that you must remake the system from the ground up for anything to change. But when you DO have that easy scapegoat, what happens?

"If only we got rid of Current Leader, everything would be better."

"If only we got rid of Single Bad Law, everything would be better."

"If only I made better individual choices, everything would be better."

The reality is that none of these actions can undermine the power of a system that is rotten to the core:

A single bad leader will be replaced with another bad leader--as we see with Marika's children trying to replace her rule without fundamentally changing how the system functions.

A single bad law cannot deconstruct all the harm to targets of other laws--as we see with Fia's or Dung's ending that only prioritize a single oppressed group without regard for any other.

And individual choices? No matter how many good individual choices you make to help NPC you meet along the way in Elden Ring, the Golden Order itself will continue to oppress the Hornsent, the Misbegotten, any remaining piece of Fire Giant culture, and so on. You cannot help these groups with individual actions, because individual actions rarely solve a collective problem.

No, the only way to stop the Golden Order from harming people is to destroy and replace the system entirely. Ymir even tells us so:

I fear that you have borne witness to the whole of it. The Conceits - the hypocrisy - of the world built upon the Erdtree. The follies of men. Their bitter suffering. Is there no hope for redemption? The answer, sadly, is clear. There never was any hope. They were each of them defective. Unhinged, from the start. Marika herself. And the fingers that guided her. And this is what troubles me. No matter our efforts if the roots are rotten, then we have little recourse.

By giving Queen Marika (and by extension, the Greater Will) a scapegoat for all the evil of the Golden Order and its systemic oppression of its outgroups, Messmer has actually handed her the key to solidifying her rule. By distracting from the rotten system itself and laying all blame at his own feet, Messmer has ensured that the systemic oppression of the Golden Order would remain unaddressed—even unnoticed by its followers—far longer than it ever should have been allowed.

[ritsushinbro]

My Critique of Rebuild of Evangelion's Characterization: I originally wrote this post on the Evageeks forum and decided to post it here. It discusses the relationship between Misato, WILLE and the pilots and whether it is realistic and in-character. Warning this post contains spoilers and is very long. Also has references to self-harm and suicide.

With each revelation that comes out regarding the measures WILLE take against Shinji and their own pilots, it becomes more and more unrealistic for me to the point where it's almost comical. Let's go through some of them here:

They wear the explosive DSS chokers 24/7 which will kill the pilots should they risk awakening an Eva.

They are kept in a single room rigged with explosives.

In Shinji's case, he is (intended to be) put in 24/7 solitary confinement with explosives fitted as well.

Shinji is escorted around the wunder whilst restrained on a stretcher. (NOTE: The only time he isn't, is when Sakura takes him to Ritsuko).

It is confirmed in another thread that Misato gave clear permission to the crew for them to shoot Shinji on sight if they suspect he is attempting to get into an Eva. 

Now let me attempt to deconstruct these measures one-by-one:

It is understandable that Asuka and Mari wear DSS chokers because after all they are pilots and there is a risk of awakening. However in Shinji's case, he is forbidden from piloting and so there is no risk of awakening (remember Ritsuko did not think NERV would come after him, so they had no reason to think he would escape). So why place the DSS choker on him? Well we have already established it is simply because they have a resentment against him; there is no special, pragmatic reason. Is this realistic? Well I would say no for reasons I will explain later but I can certainly understand why others may say it is.

I don't think I will understand why they would keep their two main "soldiers" if you will, in an explosively rigged room. I believe others have  stated that from a tactical point, it's an extremely dumb move on WILLE's part. After all, if Asuka and Mari didn't have plot armor, what's to stop Gendo from tricking WILLE into killing their own pilots with these explosives? How would WILLE stop Gendo then? Will they use Shinji? No, for reasons I will state later. And another thing, we know that their rooms were already fitted with explosives so why on Earth would they add extra after the events of Q (when they stopped 4th impact). What do they hope to achieve with more bombs? Make the pilots more "deader" than they already are? In my opinion, this doesn't even come across as paranoid but just plain childish. Is this measure realistic from a story standpoint? No not in my eyes.

We know they intended to put Shinji in a solitary cell as this is what they do in Shin. If it was solitary confinement on it's own, then I believe it would be a realistic measure that would happen in real life. However I believe the writers did not factor in the effects of solitary confinement (especially one that is rigged to explode) on fully grown men; never mind a 14 year old who's just come out of a 14 year coma. Many people think solitary confinement is a walk in the park so I made another post a while ago highlighting why that's not the case:

"I remember when before Shin came out people here theorized that if Shinji stayed on the Wunder, they would eventually softened to him and let him help in ways that wouldn't have involved piloting. However with these revelations it looks like they intended to keep him in an isolated room far from everyone else that is (presumably) rigged with explosives as well as keeping the choker on his neck. Not even allowed to freely leave his cell without WILLE's permission (it is unlikely they would let him out judging from these measures). 

Even though Asuka and Mari were treated like this as well, at least they had each other and were able to leave as they had responsibilities in piloting. But Shinji was forbidden from piloting and was to be kept by himself except maybe being checked up on by Sakura now and again. So judging from these leaks (we will have to wait to properly see the full context) WILLE intended to lock Shinji in solitary confinement.

I have copied and pasted some of the effects of Solitary Confinement from Wikipedia below:

“Psychiatric: Research indicates that the psychological effects of solitary confinement may encompass "anxiety, depression, anger, cognitive disturbances, perceptual distortions, obsessive thoughts, paranoia, and psychosis." The lack of human contact, and the sensory deprivation that often go with solitary confinement, can have a severe negative impact on a prisoner's mental state that may lead to certain mental illnesses such as depression, permanent or semi-permanent changes to brain physiology, an existential crisis, and death.

Self-harm: According to a March 2014 article in American Journal of Public Health, "Inmates in jails and prisons attempt to harm themselves in many ways, resulting in outcomes ranging from trivial to fatal." Self harm was seven times higher among the inmates where seven percent of the jail population was confined in isolation. Fifty-three percent of all acts of self harm took place in jail. "Self-harm" included, but was not limited to, cutting, banging heads, self-amputations of fingers or testicles. These inmates were in bare cells, and were prone to jumping off their beds head first into the floor or even biting through their veins in their wrists. A main issue within the prison system and solitary confinement is the high number of inmates who turn to self-harm. Many of the inmates look to self-harm as a way to "avoid the rigors of solitary confinement."

Physical: Solitary confinement has been reported to cause hypertension, headaches and migraines, profuse sweating, dizziness, and heart palpitations. Many inmates also experience extreme weight loss due to digestion complications and abdominal pain. Many of these symptoms are due to the intense anxiety and sensory deprivation. Inmates can also experience neck and back pain and muscle stiffness due to long periods of little to no physical activity. These symptoms often worsen with repeated visits to solitary confinement.

Social: The effects of isolation unfortunately do not stop once the inmate has been released. After release from segregated housing, psychological effects have the ability to sabotage a prisoner's potential to successfully return to the community and adjust back to ‘normal’ life. The inmates are often startled easily, and avoid crowds and public places. They seek out confined small spaces because the public areas overwhelm their sensory stimulation.”

And this is just for solitary confinement. There are so many other things going on with and happening (or could happen) to Shinji such as the things below:

Shinji being only 14 years old.

Shinji being abandoned and neglected by his father.

Shinji being coerced/emotionally blackmailed to pilot Unit 1.

Shinji seeing girls he cared for "die".

Shinji being in a coma for 14 years.

Shinji being told he has a bomb on his neck.

Being told it is because he is being punished.

Being told he cannot pilot the eva anymore (he is effectively "useless" now).

Have his former co-pilot and friend try and punch him after he thought she was dead.

[Potentially] being told he started NTI and devastated the world.

[Potentially] being told that the girl he tried to save is "gone" and that she was a clone of his mother.

Being imprisoned in a cell (presumably) surrounded by explosives and not being able to freely leave.

Be completely isolated from everyone except when being checked up by a girl who's father he got killed. (NOTE: Mari might want to see him so Shinji at least has her, maybe). 

Have his mother figure (the woman who made him pilot the eva the most) threaten to detonate the choker around his neck and blow his head off when he tries to leave.

With the above list, is it any wonder his head is so messed up? I understand the purpose of these films is all about growing up and taking responsibility but expecting Shinji to willingly allow himself to be subjected to the treatment WILLE had in store for him is pure, unadulterated masochism. Much of what was is written here can safely be considered cruel, inhumane and arguably, torture. 

There is a massive difference between taking responsibility for one's mistakes and just letting the whole world torture you because you did something bad. My main fear and problem with Q and Thrice is that their main theme, which is accepting responsibility, is equated with accepting unreasonably cruel treatment. And I just think that is an EXTREMELY unhealthy message to send to people especially if they are depressed or live in abusive relationships."

When you take all these into account, does it place into perspective how messed up Shinji would have been had he stayed on the wunder? This is assuming that they thought they would never have a need for him, but as we find out in Shin, they needed Shinji in the end to defeat Gendo. If Shinji never left with Mark 09 and Misato successfully kept him "protective" custody, then one of three things would have happened when WILLE actually needed him to save everyone:

A: He would not have been in the mental state to pilot Unit 1 and Gendo would have completely wrecked him due to shit synch ratios. 

B: He would have told Misato and co. to fuck off and die. We've seen this nihilism before from Shinji (after the 5th angel). His incarceration alongside the humiliation and guilt from wearing the choker will have ratcheted up by a million.

C: He wouldn't have piloted because he would have killed himself. There's only so much a 14 year old can take and when subjected to a fate that causes even hardened criminals to resort to self-harm, genital mutilation and suicide, then what chance does Shinji have? 

Now back to my original point, do I think this measure is realistic? I would like to say yes if it was the solitary on it's own, however when combined with the other things, then I think the chances of Shinji commiting suicide is extremely high to the point where it's not believable for him to continue as an anime protagonist. You have to make sure the protagonist goes through difficulty in order to experience growth and change, however if you make it too harsh (to the point of committing suicide) then it seems less believable that they live to continue the story. On a separate note, many people think that Shinji was immature for leaving with Mark 09 the first chance he got and that this is proof that he is, in Asuka's words, a "brat". But let's be realistic, if this story is about Shinji's growth and maturation, then how exactly would WILLE's treatment of him be conducive to that? The truth is WILLE's sheer hostility towards him would have completely stunted any emotional growth and maturation in Shinji and it would have destroyed the point of the film. Also no-one can argue that WILLE would have eventually "come round" or "softened-up" towards Shinji because even after 14 years they still don't trust their own pilots. So yeah, Shinji most likely would have been stuck in solitary with a bomb around his neck until he either killed himself or the war ended (but even this doesn't guarantee his freedom).

Regarding the stretcher business. I don't understand why you have to restrain Shinji on a stretcher when the kid has already surrendered himself and has come voluntarily. Maybe WILLE are just full of bondage fetishists; it would certainly explain the chokers as well. 

If the DSS chokers and the explosive rooms weren't enough, Misato actually gave orders to the crew to shoot Shinji if they thought he was trying to pilot again. At this point, I just think this is just overkill. I mean the kid has a bomb on his neck that prevents him from awakening an Eva, you intended to keep him locked up even though he can't really leave the wunder except with outside help and now you intend to shoot him if you think he'll get into an Eva. The problem with this, is that piloting an Eva requires all the bridge-bunnies to sortie the damn thing. Shinji cannot enter Unit 1 by himself, especially since the thing is being used as an engine so why do they assume that Shinji is capable of being Sam Fisher and sneaking into Unit 1? We see that Sakura and Midori are actually willing to shoot Shinji in 3.0+1.0 and do so when he merely suggests that he pilot Unit 1. But seriously what harm would Shinji have done in Unit 1 considering the fact that Gendo was already going to start another impact anyway? Why actively try and kill (or injure in Sakura's case) the only guy that can save your ass? One cannot argue that they were just being "desperate or panicking" because in Midori's case, she actually takes the time to confirm her orders from Misato. This shows that at least, she was still of lucid mind. This particular altercation just beggars belief in my mind and the fact that Misato actually gave those orders on top of all the other measures is absolutely extraordinary. So as you can imagine, I do not think this was realistically executed.

However, I can already hear some detractors say: "So what? Misato hesitated to detonate the DSS choker and also took a bullet for Shinji. She redeemed herself from putting the DSS choker on him and the kill-order for if they thought he would try and get into an Eva." 

And to those people I say….not really. There is an idiom attributed to Benjamin Franklin and it goes like this: "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." How does this apply to Misato and Shinji's relationship? Well Misato wouldn't have had to hesitate to pull the trigger if she didn't put it on him in the first place. Misato wouldn't have had to take a bullet for Shinji, if she didn't give permission for the crew to shoot him in the first place. Let's take this following dialogue for example:

916-929:

Kitakami: "It's a good thing we got Major Shikinami back. But why'd we have to take that disease along with her?"

Aoba: "Just leave it alone. Better than Nerv still being able to use him."

Tama: "If he tries to get into an Evangelion, all hands have permission to shoot on sight. There's nothing to worry about this time."

Kitakami: "Come on, that's all for show. The last time he broke out of here, the Captain couldn't put him down. I've got zero trust about this time either."

Nagara: "He was a kid. I can understand why she'd hesitate."

Kitakami: "That 'kid' caused Near Third Impact and murdered my entire family!"

Hyuga: "Near Third was a consequence of what he did, not his goal. The Captain's doing her best to atone for that too."

Takao: "That's right. She's who Kaji entrusted with Wille, and it's our job to trust the captain."

We learn a few things from this dialogue. Firstly, the older WILLE members are much more understanding to Shinji and Misato's situation: Aoba and Hyuga understand that it's better to keep an eye on Shinji and that he never meant to start NTI, Takao is one who always trusts Misato's judgement and Sumire understands that Misato would have found it difficult to kill a child, especially one that Misato was close with. 

Secondly, it appears that the younger WILLE members (Midori, Sakura and Tama) are the ones that are fearful/hateful towards Shinji (NOTE: Tama is a strange case, he strikes me as the sort of kid that just follows what everyone else is feeling. He might not feel anything towards Shinji beyond what you'd expect). 

Finally it appears that most of WILLE crew members are actually reasonable people and are not the extremely desperate and paranoid individuals some people on the forum believe. Remember this is AFTER Shinji started the 4th impact in Q. The fact that some of the WILLE crew members speak of Shinji in this way, show they are capable of understanding. Most actually trust Misato and respect her judgement except for Midori, who questions Misato's capabilities in following through on her threats. 

Which brings me to my next point. Misato has had no hesitation in pulling rank in the past. In 2.0, she even has an altercation with Ritsuko, her best friend, right before they fight the 8th angel. Misato is a woman that will tell even her best friend to STFU, when it comes to doing what she wants. Having said that, (timeskip shenanigans aside) there's no reason why she couldn't have done the same with the younger WILLE crew members. She could have nipped all of it in the bud by telling Sakura, Midori and the rest of them that Shinji was groomed to cause NTI and it was not his fault.

Instead, despite being the captain that everyone loves and fears, she kowtowed to the crew's paranoia and had the pilots fitted with explosive chokers, put in explosively rigged solitary confinement and gave the order to kill Shinji if they feared the worst. This is the sort of thing that drives fully grown men to suicide, never mind 14 year olds that have just come out of a coma. Imagine if Shinji did commit suicide in his cell. Who would Misato and WILLE have turned to in order to defeat Gendo in the end? What if Gendo tricked WILLE into killing their own pilots with the explosives? They would be properly screwed then. If Misato actually cared, as we are led to believe from her hesitation to kill Shinji, then she would have told the rest of the WILLE crew to fuck off, instead of alienating and putting Shinji and the pilots in that much risk. Are we really expected to believe that Misato placed such extreme countermeasures on Shinji just to appease Midori and Sakura? Not likely. This is why I believe that Misato would not have put the DSS choker on Shinji in the first place, and her doing so in Q was extremely unrealistic and out of character, even with anything that happened during the timeskip.

Some of you will say: "Who cares about realism? It's a show about aliens and growing up." While this is true, Anno has proven that he is able to pull the themes off much better when you look at the NGE series. Disregarding the self-contained narrative, it is obvious that the purpose of Q was to bring Shinji to the same point he was at after episode 24 of the series. If we look at how NGE/EOE handled Shinji's depression, we see that it is quite realistic:

The neglect and coercion by the adults in his life, almost dying to angels multiple times, the sexual tension with Asuka, almost killing Touji, finding out Rei is a clone of his mother, Misato putting the moves on him and having to kill Kaworu all culminate towards Shinji's mental state during EOE. Shinji is passively suicidal but it's due to the *situation* and his own introverted tendencies instead of people actively trying to hurt and isolate him. He finds the will to live again due to his mothers words despite knowing just how difficult living might be. If you remove all the Evas and the Angels from the story, the themes that are touched upon (isolation, neglect, misunderstanding) still apply and the audience can still resonate with them. 

The rebuilds however go about it completely differently. They bring Shinji to that same suicidal state by having all the characters/plot actively harm Shinji's mental health by:

Putting him in a coma for 14 years so he is completely clueless. Imagine how groggy you are when you wake up in the morning and then multiply that by a million. 

Have Misato psychologically castrate Shinji by telling him he won't do anything with a look of disdain on her face.

Have Ritsuko make Shinji feel dread by telling him he has a bomb on his neck and it's because he is being "punished".

Not tell him why he is being punished when he asks Misato.

Have Asuka try to punch Shinji after he thought she was dead.

Tell Shinji the girl he saved is "gone”.

Have his "mother figure" threaten to blow his head off for wanting to leave with the girl you just told him is gone.

Have Asuka and Mari attack Shinji in Lilith's chamber even though Shinji was seemingly willing to listen to them had Asuka not kept attacking. (Watch that scene again and you'll see when Asuka learns what Shinji is trying to do, she stops attacking but instead of explaining that he's being manipulated, she just calls him a brat instead).

Even Mari was willing to potentially kill or cripple Shinji with the Anti-AT rounds. (We don't know what the AA rounds are truly capable of because the only time they are used on screen, they don't work. The round cartridges state that they are armor and AT field piercing and have explicit restrictions on their use. The fact that Mari requires Asuka's explicit authorization to use them imply that they are most likely lethal and would have killed/crippled Shinji had he been in a normal Eva). 

Have Shinji's friend's head explode with the device Shinji's "mother figure" actually meant for him. Imagine seeing someone's head explode and then remember that your "mother figure" actually meant that to be for you. That would certainly mess anyone up.

Have Asuka then kick and manhandle him when he is catatonic.

Have Asuka force feed him to the point where he pukes whilst he is still grieving the death of his friend. 

Have Shinji only be escorted whilst tied to a stretcher despite him coming voluntarily.

Have Misato place Shinji in 24/7 solitary confinement in a cell rigged with explosives.

Have Misato tell the WILLE crew to shoot Shinji on sight if they think he's getting into an EVA.

Have people tell Shinji that he's being a brat the entire time for reacting badly to all this.

By having Misato, Asuka, WILLE reject and "punish" Shinji so harshly so it kicks off his isolation and desperation, it makes Shinji's "recovery" seem less believable. Anno himself didn't even know how to make Shinji recover psychologically in 3.0+1.0 and he actually had to ask the voice actors on how to make that happen. The story made the WILLE crew go full scorched-earth and in doing so made Shinji's "growth" and his reconciliation with Misato seem impossible. 

I have already stated that I believe Q represents "Condemnation" and Shin represents "Compassion" and I think both films pull that off brilliantly. But that doesn't mean I think the characters acted in a realistic manner. I do not believe that Misato would have placed such harsh sanctions on Shinji in the first place for the reasons I have stated above. And if she did, I do not believe that Shinji would have easily forgiven Misato (even IF she took a bullet for him) as we see he does in the film. I do not believe that WILLE were merely "scared and desperate" because as the dialogue above shows, they are surprisingly understanding (but still disapproving) of Shinji's situation despite him literally starting another impact. I do not believe that Misato would have bent over to Sakura and Midori's resentment and taken measures against Shinji, just to ease their minds. 

In summary, my main problem with the post-timeskip rebuilds is that I feel they gaslight the audience in thinking that Shinji was just being a "brat" the entire time by having Asuka and Mari say: "You have grown a little/You smell like an adult now." However, the truth is Shinji's been through so much mental suffering perpetrated by the people he cares about, that it's a miracle he's not killed himself. It would certainly break most of us on this forum. The movies seek to show Shinji "finally" taking responsibility when the truth is, the plot went so above and beyond putting him down in such an extreme manner in the first place.

[shegotminecraftneeds]

My Recent Thoughts on Donnie Darko

Photo Credit : Matthew Kam

Donnie Darko is the epitome of complicated and complex to the outside viewer. There are countless mentions of almost incomprehensible concepts, allusions to the past of the characters, and science-speak. However, I opine that the concepts unearthed in the movie are somewhat simple- at least to Donnie.

What we know at the beginning of the movie: Donnie sleepwalks, takes medication, and goes to the therapist. It is heavily implied, if not outright stated that Donnie is Schizoaffective. This point is somewhat important, but easy to miss in the long-term regarding the movie, as it is also implied that everyone around Donnie thinks he's crazy, from his parents to his teachers.

What is shown: Everyone, and I mean everyone, fails Donnie in some way, shape or form. From his teachers being unable to accurately depict science and having to withdraw from conversation, to the therapist not taking his visions seriously, telling him the world would still exist without him. His sister, his parents, and even his own world is a failure to Donnie. It is through these approaches that the viewer gains sympathy for Donnie and his plight.

Donnie is a confused person, and the confusion seems to grow, culminating in the death of his girlfriend, Gretchen. It is at this point Donnie takes his fears to the next level, killing his "antagonist" Frank. It is at this point that the movie deconstructs, and leads Donnie back to his bed, where he dies after laughing hysterically for a moment and going to bed.

What I propose here, is that while the viewer does not essentially understand what is going on with Donnie, why these things are happening or otherwise, and even at the end of the movie, asking why he had to die. This, in fact, is a natural response, and the response that the directors wanted from the audience to cement his status as a hero.

The audience lends Donnie, in the end, affirmation for his actions, as the entire world is wiped away and given to the void- all the events never occurred as Donnie himself was in bed, being crushed by the jet engine that lands on top of his roof.

But Donnie doesn't need that affirmation, nor does his want it. Donnie has been let down by every institution, and to put it nicely, could not care less whether or not the audience thinks about his decisions being a good or a bad thing. Donnie, through years of anti-societal letdown, simply wants to accomplish what he set out to do. To execute the plan of his to save the world.

Throughout the film, it is shown that Donnie is a particularly sharp, skilled, and genius individual, owing to the events where he intercepts the bullcrap spouted by Kitty, Jim, and others, and engaging in what is simply college level conversation with his physics teacher, Dr. Kenneth. It is even stated at several points that his teachers think he is brilliant.

Donnie, instead of simply trying to fight the will of the void, embraces it fully. All of his actions, including taking Gretchen out on that night to see Roberta Sparrow, were all planned. His own visions led him there to see her on that night, of all nights, and even if he seemed scared, it was because the end was drawing closer and closer to him. So he goes to see the one person he knows is capable of explaining everything, Roberta Sparrow.

In the Director's cut, there is a chapter about the "Manipulated Living," and the "Ensurance Trap" both of which are utilized to make the "Living Receiver" fulfill his duties to stop the end of the world. In terms of this, Gretchen's death is exactly the means of the Ensurance trap, and directly lead to his final confrontation with Frank, whom Donnie knows he must kill, particularly by shooting him in the face.

It is his fate to kill Frank, as that is the exact trap set for him; and when he does so, it finally sets in motion his return to the "real world," after saying his goodbyes.

Donnie, however, knows this, and completes the steps willingly. Having read "The Philosophy of Time Travel" by Mrs. Sparrow, Donnie's position is completely fulfilled. He doesn't attempt to stray from this path, at least not willingly, and when his therapist tries hypnotherapy, is is shown that Frank is serving as a reminder that he cannot stray from his path.

Donnie's death is his choice, then. When he returns to the "real world" he is shown laughing, having made peace with everything, and proven that his intuition was correct. His story is over, and there is nothing left to do but embrace fate, and the world that he saved, as well as its intention.

Donnie recognizes his story and purpose is fulfilled, and that is why he does not attempt to flee or run away from the inevitable jet engine falling. The events of the "pocket universe" never occurred, and his story has essentially ended. There is nothing left for him to do, except embrace himself.

To conclude, the events of Donnie Darko are exactly what was meant to happen, and it was Donnie's own choice that led him to his demise at the end of the film, not because he had to, but because he recognized that his story needed to end there.

[maxparkhurst]

How did you create your characters? What was your process?

TMI Tuesday:  How did you create your characters? What was your process?

// <offers out a chair> You’re going to want to sit for this. It’s going to be a LONG story. For those who’re looking for a short answer: I’m actually in the middle of creating these two. Edits and tweaks are always being made to make them appear real and true. And it’s thanks to everyone on here and in-game that they’ve progressed so much. 

Now for the long version. 

<buckles seat belt> 

Evolving as an Author:

Maxinora and Augustine Parkhurst are a culmination of ideas inspired by a myriad of things. The process of creating them isn’t linear. It has a lot of pit falls, unexpected twists and turns, and a ton of hills. To understand how we got the current versions of these two, we need to go back a couple years ago. 

It’s the summer of 2012. In efforts to get me off of his account, my Dad gifted me my own. This was when I made my first ever serious roleplay character- a hunter named Evelon Holmwood. Well, at the time I spelled it like Evavllyn but...Yeah. We’re going to gloss over that fact. Now, Eve was my pride and joy for the last several years. I played this character nonstop, refusing to play or write about anyone else. In retrospect, I used this character more as therapy than anything of creative merit. 

Eve’s story was basic at best. But I got better with story-telling the older I got. Unfortunately, her story got so convoluted that I had hard time salvaging anything from it. Now, you’re probably asking: How does this relate to Max? Fear not. I’m getting there. It was around this existential crisis that a mutual friend of my boyfriend and I convinced us to leave WoW and hop on SWTOR. My boyfriend was more than eager to make the switch but I was skeptical. Leaving WoW meant leaving Eve. And was I ready for that? 

He assured me I was and helped me make a character on SWTOR. This was the first iteration of Max. A bounty hunter from Nar’Shadda named Maxinora Fenrik. My intentions was to make her a lowkey copy of Eve. At this time, I wasn’t very confident in my writing abilities and liked to stay in my lane. But, the more I roleplayed this character the more she took on a life of her own. She evolved past Eve and exceeded my expectations. Playing a new character bolstered my confidence and while I no longer play SWTOR -due to OOC reasons- I still have fond memories with this character. I enjoyed this character so much that I reused several components of her design when making Max. Some which include her name and being blind in one eye. 

I flipped between the MMOs when Legion dropped. Expenses started to pile up and between the two subscriptions I didn’t have the time to play both. In the end, WoW won my affection and I made a Blood Elf because I had friends on Horde Side. Rorien Hawkthorne was her name. A drunk artist and master assassin. She’d be the second iteration of Max. She had an older sister complex, an affinity for being melancholy, and it was my first experience with playing a character who could kept secrets- or tried to at least. Another new character under the belt and I was feeling a little more confident in my story telling abilities. I’d probably would’ve kept playing that character if not for OOC drama happening in a guild I was in. The fallout had me jump back to the Alliance where I indulged in creature comforts. It was back to Eve. 

Tumblr made an entrance in my life around then as I ventured forth with a refreshed look on my hunter. I salvaged what I could and made a half-decent story. A lot of her misadventures are still posted up on her blog @evelonholmwood​ On the side I made the third iteration of Max. A fire mage and blacksmith combo by the name of Rowan Celwick with her younger brother Thomas Celwick.  They were just two orphaned kids trying to make a life in Stormwind. Rowan was an arcane drop-out and blacksmith wannabe and Thomas...Was...Well? Thomas? A glorified side-piece? A way to garner pity for Rowan. I didn’t place a lot of emphasis on them or their characters. My main focus was Eve. But these two would be the underlying foundation of Max and Auggie’s characters. 

I eventually took a hiatus from WoW and focused on more personal writing. The details are boring so I’ll gloss over it by saying that creating a character completely from scratch was the final push in the right direction for me. Fast forward several months to a year aaaaaand BOOM! Pandemic. 

Writing is an escape for me. It’s one of my best coping mechanisms during trying times. And when nothing else works, I over indulge in some Warcraft. So, I resubbed. There was hesitance when re-entering the RP scene. I didn’t leave Eve’s story off on an convenient note. For lack of better phrasing, I wrote myself into a hole I couldn’t get out of. So, with the help of my boyfriend, I decided it was time to give Eve her happy ending and shelf her for good. 

Which put me in a dilemma! Who was I going to RP? Well, you remember the Celwicks? They became my newest project. 

The Creative Process: 

I knew the Celwick story was weak and read much like a middle-school fanfiction. Revising was a must. But there were integral pieces to their story which I enjoyed: 

Familial Sacrifice 

Juxtaposing concepts

Intertwined Fates

These were themes I could work with and evolve. Keeping these in mind, I started to deconstruct the Celwick story line. They were no longer Gilnean but Kul’tiran. This prompted a name change from Celwick to Parkhurst. And I won’t lie, I like the sound of Parkhurst better than Celwick. Thomas became Augustine and Rowan became Maxinora (Mainly because I actually HAD the name Maxinora and not Rowan). The little changes got me hyped for the characters. 

Next, I started to trim away the unnecessary details that bogged down the narrative. Things that either didn’t fit or made the timeline too convoluted were replaced. Pyromancy was a great example. The age I wanted Max to be wouldn’t yield to her understanding of Pyromancy. At least, not to the level I WANTED it to be. SO, I turned it into lament’s magic. Alchemy. (I also always wanted to play an alchemist since watching FMA) 

A girl with two professions seemed excessive as well. I had to look at why I wanted her to be both an Alchemist and a Blacksmith. The answer was simple. I just liked the juxtaposition of an intelligent woman being rough and tumble. Which made me ask: Was Blacksmithing necessary to achieve that imagine? The answer was no. To pay respect to her previous iteration, I made their parents blacksmiths. It also let me keep themes of fire in her concept. The change in profession brought on a change in her appearance. I made her a little more slender to fit with the alchemist appeal. 

Max’s aesthetic was brought on by my previous characters.  Rorien inspired more internal facets of Max while Fenrik inspired outward appearances. Max’s auburn was strictly a decision made on the fact that I had one too many character’s with black hair. There wasn’t any other reason for it. 

Designing Max was easy. The real challenge was with Augustine. Up until that point, all I had to go on for his character was Tommy Celwick and...Well. There wasn’t a lot there. He wasn’t much more than a poorly used trope and I considered doing away with him all together. But I realized that I REALLY liked the trope and I liked what he did for Max’s character.  So, I buckled down and made myself think through all the reasons why Thomas Celwick -AKA Augustine Parkhust- needed to exist. 

I decided that I needed him in order to present themes in Max’s story. He was the foil to her character. Cynic older sister? Meet optimistic brother. He also appealed to not only the three themes listed above, but also the newest one I wanted to explore: two sides of the same coin. Max and Augustine are simultaneously the same, having similar traumas, and yet different. If for nothing else, Augustine could help propel Max in the right direction. Be her moral compass, you know? With a bit of half-assing here and there, I managed to get a decent character out of Augustine. Took the cliche nerdy brother idea, physical design and all, and ran with it. Shortly after I  made their Tumblr account. In no way did I expect this BOY to take on a life of his own. Like, Auggie knocked on my brain’s door and was like, “Yeah. No. I’m not a side character. Give me my own story...” 

Which will bring me into my final point! 

The Characters Write Their Own Story: 

I’ve never been able to sit down and plan a story. My mind doesn’t work in such a structured fashion. It wanders and explores. When I’m creating, I’m watching. Watching the scenes play out before my eyes as these characters take what I’ve given them and grow into something almost independent of me. The basic pieces of Max and Auggie’s back story, along with character design, were purposeful. Yes. But everything that came after was THEM.

It’s cliche, I know, but I can’t describe this experience any other way. These two grew outside of my influence and now dominate a space in my brain. They talk, work, and interact without me. I mean...Not REALLY. But...It feels like that. It feels I’m watching through a keyhole and just recording what I see as their story plays out. 

I guess a better analogy is me being the director. I’m watching the movie in the stands as two actors improv. On good days, I’m in control and rework scenes until I’m satisfied with the results. Try this. Move here. Say this. On bad days, I don’t see anything. My actors went home. The lights are off. Show’s cancelled for the day. These days make me sad...But they’re worth it because on the BEST days...The best days Max and Auggie run the whole show, and I am watching through the keyhole as their story unfolds little by little. 

It’s truly magical. 

The last part of their creation was the voice. Character voice, for me, is like building muscle. You need to work out. Start small and work your way up in weight. Every little piece I wrote made their voices stronger; and that’s including asks and threads. Interacting with other characters helped to flesh them out as people. And while it was hard and intimidating at first, it’s started to become easier. 

Wrap-Up

My method is messy and untrained. I don’t claim to have any secrets. My knowledge of writing is mediocre at best. But I’m having fun. And that’s were the real magic of any character comes in. Fun. Because if you aren’t writing about something that sparks your soul- either with love, happiness, hatred, etc- then it’s nothing more than a forced, hollow husk. Writing is meant to evoke emotion. At least in mind. And want to express complex emotions and share them. In a perfect world? My characters -any of my characters- resonates with someone. They become the escape someone needed. That’s the ultimate goal. 

It’s thanks to all of you that Max and Auggie have come this far. It’s from their interactions with others that they’ve managed to evolve into something incredible- especially Augustine. He just kept shining brighter and brighter until I felt obligated to make him an in-game character. So, you all are just as much a part in the creative process as me. Thank you! 

And a special thanks to my boyfriend for always being a sound board for my rambling ass <3 

THANK YOU FOR THE ASK, ANON! Sorry I posted an essay...<3 

[hamliet]

Girls Don’t Want Boys, Girls Want Monsters: Netflix’s The Witcher Review

Finally, the show we deserve. 

Men get all their superhero power fantasies of kicking villain ass. Finally there’s  a story that has that and includes women’s emotional power fantasies about falling in love with monsters who change. It doesn’t treat either as ridiculous or limited by gender, either, since Geralt falls for a monster too and women get to kick ass as well. 

Essentially, it’s a story about defeating monsters: often through integration with the shadow, sometimes involving love and connection, sometimes violence, but the violence is never glorified. It’s good. 

NB: I’m in the middle of reading the books (in the middle of Blood of Elves so far). I haven’t played the game since video games aren’t really a medium I enjoy. So I’ll make some comparisons since the show covered the two books I’ve read thus far, but please don’t put spoilers for the books below!

Let’s talk my favorite aspect of every story: characters. 

Renfri. 

Her story was somewhat sanitized from the books (it’s a lot more brutal what happened to Renfri) but well adapted. Both versions--the book and show--depict sincere empathy for our deconstructed Snow White. I loved her dialogue with Geralt, in which Geralt praises her for escaping the huntsman her stepmother hired to kill her, and she laughs and says that she didn’t. He let her go, but not before raping and robbing her. The story never directly answers if the prophecy was true or not; Geralt doesn’t believe it, but a lot of things Geralt doubts turn out to be true. Renfri was supposedly attacking animals as a child; however, the person reporting that is highly unlikely to be unbiased (Stregobor) so is this even true? Did Renfri become a killer because she was horribly abused and left with no other option? (That’s the option that I think seems most likely.) 

We can’t know. The Witcher isn’t interested in giving its audience palatable answers. It’s interested in provoking questions. The show gives more answers than do the books, again likely due to the medium, but it still lets these questions linger. 

Renfri’s story is not the first one in the books, but it is the first one the show adapts, and that’s a good decision imo. Her story embodies The Witcher’s themes and questions:

By acting the monster, we make monsters out of others. 

To defeat monsters, you must be a monster. 

What, then, can heal, especially in a world so broken?

Ciri.

Our deconstructed Rapunzel (yes, there are a lot of fairy tale references). As far as her story goes in its adaptation, the addition of Dara was well done. Sadly, no, Dara is not in the books, but his addition gave Ciri an arc beyond merely running in this story. 

That said, Ciri in the books is much younger than she is in the show. Which is okay, because Ciri is somewhat emblematic of the future: there’s a lot unknown about her powers, she needs to be protected from everyone trying to grab her and use her powers for themselves. She is Geralt’s destiny, and she is the future of the world of The Witcher. 

NB: I can’t discuss Ciri without shouting out to the casting director for casting Pavetta: how did they find an actress who looks so much like Ciri’s actress? It’s almost eerie. 

The episode where Geralt finds out about the Law of Surprise and his reaction to Pavetta’s pregnancy is perhaps the only story that I felt was better in the show than in the books (again, this isn’t inherently a quality thing but a medium preference). It added some much-needed hilarity (Geralt’s perfectly-timed “destiny can go f--” *Pavetta vomits* and all he can say is, “fuck”) and gave Geralt an arc. 

Geralt.

Mm. 

I liked how they handled his character and his struggles with what it means to be a Witcher and/or human. His struggles to understand himself are relatable, and fairly well set-up for future exploration. He’s a foil of Ciri, Yennefer, Jaskier, and Cahir so far, and I’m particularly intrigued by the monster theme and the foiling that is already set up thus with all of the above except Jaskier (who is no monster). Geralt was skeptical about saving the striga for her father, but managed to succeed, and I wonder if he will somehow be able to save himself from his own inner fears/monster by being a father. (Basically, I am curious as to how being Ciri’s de factor dad is going to challenge him.)

Jaskier.

Or, Dandelion, as he’s known in the books. The bard adds some much needed levity to the tale, and as @aspoonofsugar​ says, he’s pretty much Donkey from Shrek. But he is used fairly well within the story: he shows Geralt even before Ciri and Yennefer enter his life that he has a purpose beyond being a killing machine. In that sense he’s the foil of Renfri (Renfri accomplishes the same, but through violence) in that Geralt saves him and he clearly thinks highly of the Witcher. Jaskier is in some ways humanity in all its paradoxes and foibles, annoying and stupid, kind and clever, funny and truthful, deceptive and respectful. 

Cahir.

I’m a sucker for ravens as part of an aesthetic, as well as pretty, tormented bad boys. Yes, I know he’s a character I’m sure will arouse much handwringing and puritanical policing a la his other archetype brothers (Loki, Kylo Ren, Snape, etc). I don’t care. I do think the show made him much darker when compared to the books, but I still expect his arc to go in the same direction as the books. He’s a complicated, conflicted, complex character, and I’m not sorry for feeling empathy for him. 

But I am curious about his foiling with Geralt. Both are characters seeking Ciri to fulfill... something, and monstrous in a way (Cahir more for what he does, but there’s a humanity to him as well).

Yennefer.

Finally, my favorite, my baby murder daughter. 

Yennefer’s character was fascinating. I appreciated that she’s allowed to want deeply, her own wants, instead of attaching her wants to be whatever the male character desires. She wants to have children. She wants love. She wants to be beautiful. Her desires are traditionally feminine, and the show doesn’t put this down. And she also kicks ass and takes names, she fails, she’s allowed to be angry, to be mean often, to want to learn and to want to be the best. 

The show doesn’t punish Yennefer for her ambition. Neither do the books. She experiences consequences, both positive and negative, for her every choice. The show reveals her backstory right away, whereas the books don’t, but again that’s a medium thing. I think both do excellently in setting up Yennefer for our empathy. It doesn’t apologize for her or her wants or actions; it lets her arc and the story itself do the talking. 

Yennefer’s not here to be your cautionary tale or your role model. She’s just there to be her and to live. 

That is, to an extent, perhaps the best kind of role model. 

That doesn’t mean the show did everything in Yennefer’s story justice. I wasn’t thrilled with the adaptation of her first meeting with Geralt--the orgy in the background isn’t in the books and is a very bizarre decision given context. While, I loved Tissaia’s character and her foiling with Yennefer: they are too alike to ever get along, I really didn’t understand the point of Tissaia turning the other girls into slugs in episode 2. It was unsettling and not in the books. It was a heavy-handed metaphor not explained until episode 7 (about treating people as expendable slugs) that didn’t tell us anything we didn’t already know about how the world and Dark!Hogwarts worked. If anything it made the school seem foolishly cackling-mustache evil instead of the true current of darkness within it: manipulation and utilitarianism. As part of effort to control things, that control itself can lead to chaos. 

I think the rest of the series set this precise dilemma of a precarious balance between self-control and manipulation/utilitarianism quite well, though (it goes hand-in-hand with the theme of a “lesser evil” to quote Renfri’s story). I’m excited to see this explored more. 

Other comments:

When comparing the show to the books as I’ve read so far, I think the show made some smart changes for adapting to a visual medium. For example, Foltest and Adda’s story was adapted as a mystery: what is the monster? Who is the father? Who is the curser? Can the monster be saved? Whereas the book doesn’t do that: you know immediately that the monster is a striga, Foltest is the father, and he wants the striga saved. The answer to who cursed Adda is never clear in the written story either, whereas the show declares it was Ostrit (the book leaves it very much up in the air as to whether it was Ostrit or Adda’s mother). However, the way this particular episode weaves Adda’s story of rebirth with Yennefer’s rebirth was beautifully done. (Foltest is a good dad. We need more good dads in stories; of course, if we had more good dads, we’d have far less stories.) (I’m jesting.) 

The dialogue is at times... well it’s not like it’s The Rise of Skywalker levels of “who wrote this???” but it’s not always stellar. Actually, I’d say the quality tends to swing wildly about between clever (episode 4) and just confusing (episode 5). But in general, I think the dialogue issue is representative of the show’s largest issue: it struggles to know when to trust its audience. When should it give details? When should it trust them? When is it spoonfeeding, and when is it just confusing? It tries to walk a fine line and stumbles a bit. It succeeds, however, with the characters as I mentioned earlier with Yennefer, Geralt, and Ciri. 

My advice for the show going forward (not that they should definitely listen to me) is to forget Game of Thrones. It’s pretty obvious that this show is a passion project made by people who love The Witcher. I really hope they lean into that aspect instead of into the GoT-replacement aspect (because there are definitely aspects of that, particularly in the mood/aesthetic, tone, and gratuitous nudity--which is not exploitative or disturbing, but it also wasn’t necessary, isn’t in the books, and so felt like pandering). 

However, the sheer love for the material still really shines  through. They made me care for the characters, they interested me in the world, and they have me hooked for season 2. The showrunners’ excitement for the story and adoration of its characters is contagious, and I hope the show lets this excitement spread. 

[amwritingmeta]

15x03: Oh hell yes!

I don’t even know what to say. Honestly, does anything have to be said? It was grand! It delivered on all the levels. And it set us up for a run toward the midseason finale that’s already making me sweat along the edges. 

I mean, here, three episodes in, we have, let’s see, what do we have? We have:

Sam shushing Dean with that epically impatient gesture, yeah? 

Yeah. Or more like... WHAAAAAAAAT?? He actually did that? *rewind* Yeah, no, yeah, he did. He put his hand up as Dean was doing his “We’re not just giving up that’s not who we are” infuriated rant at anything inevitable (I mean, yes faith in their abilities is good, just not how it’s delivered bulldozer style) and Sam SHUSHED his brother.

Leader!Sam. Tick-a-box.

We have, what else do we have, oh, yes, we have Dean SENDING CAS TO HELL.

Wow. Woooooooooooow. Like. w o w.

That was h a r s h. No, that was Harsh with a capital H and I knew it would come back and bite him on the ass, the damn stubborn dickhead. Because of course he knows Cas isn’t to blame, logically, for what happened to Mary. He’s just dead set on pushing Cas away for a myriad of reasons all tied to his skewed sense of self, which is still skewed, I believe, no matter how far he’s already come in his progression, and this slight skew-age is making him dig himself into this hole of self-punishment. 

Because, logically, he knows what Cas means to him and, perhaps, he’s starting to get to a point where he can actually see and believe what he means to Cas and he can’t have that. Why should he get to be happy? E v e r?? And, of course, this is mirrored in what Cas is going through with his shadow representative telling him that the moment he is feeling even a breath of happiness, he’s bound for the Empty and eternal oblivion. Alone.

I can’t.

Only CAS will NOT HAVE IT, Dean. *sorry for shouting* *it’s just so perfect*

Cas says: “Jack is dead. Chuck is gone. You and Sam have each other. I think it’s time for me to move on.”

I’m cry. I’m cry so hard. I’m not cry really but on the inside I’m cry and I’m hap. I’m so hap. (wtf stop that) (that’s not even language-ing) (it’s just confusing af) Sorry. Crying from goddamn happiness at the CHOICE Cas makes by the end of this episode to fucking move on from a situation where he’s getting no emotional support from this man with whom he’s been through so much, no benefit of the doubt this time around, because of Dean’s own internal hangups, and Cas is saying, for himself, that that’s enough now. 

Cas is saying, for himself, I’m clearly not wanted. 

Cas is looking at the situation before him as though soon he won't even be needed, because it seems his powers are failing and without them, what use is he to Sam and to Dean exactly? (coming off of what the abominable Belphegor said to him about being used and discarded, of course)

And so Cas is saying, for himself, time to move on from this. Time to let you go. Because I can’t continue on like this, being rejected and sent to my death as if I mean nothing to you, not being listened to, only here to be blamed for everything that’s going wrong. No. You’re not putting that on me. You’re not putting all of it on me. You do that - and you lose me.

Head. Fucking. Exploded.

Cas just drew a goddamn line. 

And look. Look at it. Look at the narrative as a whole. Look at what they represent to one another.

With Cas as representative of Dean’s Faith (in himself and in the future) 

Dean as representative of Cas’ Humanity (mildly dormant until Dean)

then what needs to happen narratively for these two to actually be truly GOOD for each other is a closing of the arc that has seen them standing in as representatives of these core traits for the other, and for these core traits to exist within either of them without the other’s direct influence.

See? See what is happening?? They are letting each other go. They are stepping away from needing the other to find their way into their true identity - which is the function they’ve both served in each other’s individual arc since 4x01 - and, instead, they are moving into the final lap of actually reaching insight and understanding and self-actualisation of their own accord.

I swear.

It is breathtaking. It’s taken my breath. My breath is gone. I’m suffocating. Send help. Send. Help. Now.

Okay, I’m good.

Letting each other go means letting go of need and making way for want, for choice, for invitations to stay and for actual proof that they know who they are whether they have the other in their life or not, yeah? 

Oh man I hope we get this. Whatever form it takes, however subtly they play it, I do hope we get the spirit of this!

Imagine Cas powering down and dealing with humanity on his own, no longer lost and alone and afraid, but choosing to hunt without a second thought. No more dressing himself up as Steve and trying to find purpose in human everyday activity, because his purpose - whether angel or man - was always and will always be to protect. 

And even his worry about dying, if it even comes up, might be dispelled if he realises that death means a 50/50 chance of Heaven and absolutely no chance of the Empty... Taking away Cas’ powers is the ultimate way of making him realise he can cheat that deal plus give us insight into what will make him truly happy! But. We shalleth see-eth!

And Dean? He needs to boost that good old faith in himself, and that faith, to me, is all to do with chilling the fuck out. With allowing Sam to take the lead (and boy is he starting to). With easing up on the need for control. With relaxing into himself, his true self, and letting his facade, his performance, fade away. I wonder if we’re bound for one final short deconstruction arc. 

I’m interested in the cheerleaders next ep. Would be nice to not get a single white straight male dudebro comment out of Dean, you know? It’d just be creepy at this point anyway. But yeah, seeing the underlining of how the kid full of bravado and faked self-confidence is now becoming a true adult would be wonderful. That said, part of the real Dean, I believe, is his giddiness at nerding out over stuff he truly loves and that childlike side of him should never ever go away. More of it, says I! :)

Dean needs to believe he deserves to be saved, but he’s the one doing the saving now, opening up to himself and, more importantly, to actual, real, raw vulnerability. Will he act as though Cas leaving means nothing to him? Most likely. But for how long? Sam will see right through it, right? It would be amazing if Dean’s not being defensive about it. You can tell the moment he says the damning words “And why does that something always seem to be you?” that, the moment the words are out, Dean’s questioning them like he can’t believe he actually said them out loud.

No faith. Stated. 

Dean’s faith in Cas - an expression of Cas being representative of faith to Dean - is gone. And it’s gone for a reason. Because it has to be. Because Cas isn’t representative of faith anymore. Because he shouldn’t be. Dean isn’t aware of it, of course, but narratively he’s being pushed into a position of letting go of Cas. So. It would be amazing if that’s what we get. Not Dean being defensive of Cas’ need to go, but rather Dean being quiet, accepting, perhaps a little defeated, because he literally drove Cas away, but thinking (erroneously but still) that this is for the best. Cas is moving on and so should they and all is well.

Except.

He’ll miss Cas. He’ll miss Cas for who Cas is, not what he represents. He’ll want Cas back, because he loves him. But he can’t want Cas back... maybe hopefully... before he feels deserving of it. Before he believes that what’s actually for the best is for Cas to come home.

The “Where are you going?” is enough to show that Dean cares, that Cas is not really dead to him and that he doesn’t want Cas to leave, no matter how much he’s pushing and pushing and pushing Cas away. And, yeah, the expression on Dean’s face as Cas walks out the door says more than a thousand words. *hot damn Jensen Ackles*

Cas is taking control and he is done being taken for granted. Glory Effing B.

Now I’ve gone into an absolute melting pot of fantabulous setting up for possible character progression for both Cas and Dean, I cannot leave Sam out of it, because I dance, you dance, we all dance under a pogo stick at how this was a fantastic ep for him!

Rowena and Ketch both dying in the same episode is interesting to me, but instead of looking at Dean mirrors (going from dark to light - shadow to integration) I’d like to look at Rowena as Sam mirror this episode.

Sam is at a point where he’s going to have to deal with some deeply buried memories of Hell and of Lucifer, as well as some deeply repressed fears of his idea of being tainted by the devil, if he’s to heal the wounds of his past.

In 13x12, Sam’s conversation with Rowena in Baby revealed that he’s scared all the time, pushing his fear down because it’s necessary, not talking about it because, basically, it’s private/he doesn’t know how to. How can anyone relate to the fear he carries around? Only someone who’s seen Lucifer’s true face would know. 

But Lucifer - for better or worse - is Sam’s dark mirror, his shadow manifested, and all the sides to himself that he’s tried for so long to pretend aren’t a part of him, out of fear that they are all that there truly is to him, should begin to surface so that he has to face them, only to look them in the eye and realise that they don’t hold sway over him, because he’s learned, throughout this journey he’s been on, what matters to him, deep down, what he stands for and what he believes in.

And, front and centre, Sam believes in saving innocent lives. Just as Dean and Cas, Sam is Protector and Shield first, Killer and Weapon second. 

I believe Sam needs to lose his so tightly held and finely tuned control over himself, his ability to push things down, in order to reach proper self-liberation and move into self-actualisation and inner balance. What better way for him to lose it than through a possession. Very intrigued to see what that flash of black eyes from the Godwound might bring us. And Sam is still wounded, lest we forget, so there is still some healing to be done here.

So the symbology of having to kill Rowena then becomes Sam killing someone mirroring his fear, his memories of Lucifer, and this mirror then falling into the Pit through a gaping wound in the ground, bringing back thoughts of Sam’s first sacrifice that brought him to the cage and started his entire journey into true self-repression. 

I see the symbology as calling out Sam’s need to stop pushing things down, to stop burying them, but also, through him being the only person who can kill Rowena (face and integrate his fears) the symbology becomes an underlining of how he, and he alone, holds the power to heal his wounds.

We shall see how it develops, but I have all the hope that it’s going someplace good, that we’re moving towards healing for all of them. And nope still not expecting rainbows and daffodils galore but... a few rainbows would be so nice.

Understated rainbows. In sort of washed out colours. On the wall of a lake house. Mayhaps?

(come back, Jack) (we miss you!)

[otdderamin]

Analysis: The hidden pain of Jester and Scanlan – CR C2 Ep76 and CR C1 Ep85

Spoilers for Campaign 1 through episode 85 and Campaign 2 through episode 76

One thing I really love about Critical Role from both campaigns is the way they show that the seemingly happy, jokey, funny, delightful people are really using that as a mask for a lot of pain and insecurity that they're either hiding or repressing and that can't last forever.

Scanlan was hurt and angry that no one asked about his issues seriously or asked what he needed, but he also buried everything and deflected when they did ask about him. He wanted to be seen and understood, but all he gave them was a facade of being fine. Until he broke.

Jester's playing with the same idea in a different way. She learned being seen is bad and her purpose is making other people happy. Her own desires aren't really important. She's afraid she'll disappoint everyone if she admits she's not okay (even to herself), so she buries it.

Both The Mighty Nein and a lot of the audience are kind of infantilizing her, largely ignoring her pain and complexity. Laura does not get enough credit for her roleplaying because I think that's the impression Jester is intentionally cultivating out of deep insecurity.

Misogyny is also a factor. She leans into a lot of ditzy, simple, girly tropes that are largely written off by men and many women as shallow. Laura is really playing with them to show there actually is a lot of depth there. But you have to be willing to deconstruct her to see it.

Jester wants to actively bring joy to people's lives because she's afraid that she won't be wanted if she doesn't. So, she's cultivated this happy, mischievous mask to hide behind and she's trapped herself behind it. She doesn't even want to see herself without it.

Just as much as Fjord trapped himself behind the faux-Vandran mask until he had a breakdown. Or Beau trapped herself behind the no-fucks-given mask she's been working really hard to set aside. Or Caleb trapped himself behind his bandages and bum disguise until his cover was blown.

But Jester's mask is harder to see around. She seems open and carefree and happy. Almost everyone in the Mighty Nein wants to feel that way and they're invested in the aspirational illusion. They really want one of them to be okay because maybe then they could learn, too.

 T: Full scene from Campaign 1 Episode 45

2:30:57 Vax: "How do you do it? You're risking your life as much as anyone in this group. You're almost dying every day. You're fucking smiling all the time. How do you do it?"

Liam: "I'm kind of asking as Liam to Sam, as well. But mostly as Vax to Scanlan."

Vax: "How do you do it? You almost died yesterday, as well. Or two days ago, fuck. Why do you do it?"

Scanlan, as if it's obvious: "Vax, I… I don't know. I mean, I just… I like you people okay. Everything before this was not as good. This is better, that's why. It's very simple. You had a shitty childhood, didn't you?"

Vax: "Yeah."

Scanlan: "You and the sister."

Vax: "Yeah."

Scanlan: "I think Grog had some troubles. We've all had our share of shit, before we all met. Now we're together. We're a family. This is better, that's how I smile. It's better than it was before. That's it."

Vax: "We're probably going to die in the next month."

Scanlan: "Yes, but it's fun while it lasts."

Vax looks at him in disbelief and bewilderment.

Scanlan gives a contented sigh.

Vax, dubiously: "Alright. I thought I might…"

Scanlan: "Glean some wisdom?"

Vax: "Yeah, but I'm just as confused as before."

Scanlan: "Listen, I'm older than you."

Vax: "How much older?"

Scanlan: "A bit. I've seen more than you have, and… it's all shitty, so it just depends on how you look at it. You can dwell on the shit, or you can just leave it behind in people's beds and keep going."

 But of course, Scanlan couldn't do it forever. He couldn't actually just leave all that shit behind him. He couldn't laugh all of it off. He reached the tipping point where he was too scared and hurt and angry to keep going.

Beau's started to see Jester's cracks and say something, most notably in episode 45 (4:55:48) and 46 (1:25:15), but she doesn't seem know how to address it without Jester pushing the concern away and deflecting, and I think she's scared Jester will pull away from her if she presses the matter. Beau might have the best chance, though.

Caleb tried to talk to her In episode 42 (1:08:49), but the conversation derailed almost instantly. She did express her fear she would never see her mother again, and that she was unsure about her feelings towards Fjord or his towards her, but again the conversation turned to other things fairly quickly. Still, it was more than she'd really shared before.

Jester actually showed her vulnerability and insecurity to Fjord in episode 72. but he was too up his own butt focused on his own rapidly spiraling break down to really notice or address it. Hopefully he keeps it in mind and circles back now that he's pulled through it.

 Campaign 2 Episode 72

2:49:51 Fjord: "I just feel like there's more out there. It's always more. Even Port Demali and before that, my world just got bigger and bigger and bigger, and more time goes on the more you realize there is and the more that we affect and the more we can be affected. And there's a part of me that wants to leave it all behind..."

Jester: "And just somewhere quiet and disappear, and hope that it never bothers you again?"

Fjord: "Yeah."

Jester: "yeah, I understand that."

Fjord: "I just don't think it will let me."

 Caduceus might be able to help if he understood, but Jester is baffling to him.

 Talks Machina for Campaign 2 Episode 50

0:51:24 Taliesin: "[Caduceus] hasn't figured out that Jester is an adult yet. He doesn't regard her as an adult. I mean, which is, he kind of, his whole thing with her is very childish and playful and is not really... [...] He hasn't figured out that she's probably got-- I mean, he's aware that there's other stuff going on, but he hasn't really gone looking for it yet, so... He's like, 'Aw, she's happy and fine. Good. Thank god somebody is.' And obviously that's not true. And he should know better, but he hasn't gone looking for it."

Dani: "He has bigger fish to fry at the moment."

Taliesin: "I mean, the angsty boys are very angsty, and they currently have one emo girl to deal with as well."

It appears from the last episode that Caduceus has finally figured out there's more going on with Jester and is trying to make up for what he didn't see before. He let her know he saw through her sadness. Maybe he'll be able to be someone she can come to when she's ready to talk.

Campaign 2 Episode 76

4:44:05 Caduceus: "You okay?"

Jester: "Me?"

Caduceus: "Yeah you."

Jester: "Oh yeah. I'm fine. I'm always fine."

Caduceus: "Well…"

Jester: "That's a lie."

Caduceus: "Nobody's always fine."

Jester: "That's a lie, Caduceus."

Caduceus: "You do a lot."

Jester: "Yeah."

Caduceus: "And I don't think you necessarily get as much credit as you deserve, as often as you should. You deserve… more pastries."

Jester, laughing: "Everybody deserves more pastries."

Caduceus: "Yeah, but you do."

Jester smiles sadly: "Thanks, Caduceus."

Caduceus: "Well, we'll be figuring out your Traveler Con soon enough, I'm sure."

Jester: "Yeah. We're gonna work- that's gonna be really cool, right?"

Caduceus: "You got a good crew for it, so…"

Jester: "Yeah."

Caduceus: "We're here for you."

Jester: "Thank you."

Caduceus: "Thank you. You've done… I don't even know how to tell you what this has meant."

Jester has been ignored in part because she seemed… not fine, but less of an immediate and impending disaster than the others. Now that things are settling down with everyone else, I think they're trying to do right by her and support her better. Time will tell if she lets them in.

No one in Campaign 2 is playing an easy character. No one is playing someone who's well adjusted and fine. No one has their shit figured out. At best they've learned pieces or ways of learning how to be more okay with the tumult. Jester is far come complex than she tries to appear.

Her arc is coming up soon and whatever happens will come with big growth and change for her. The big difference (or similarities) in how the stories of these two characters will play out will come down to how well their friends see behind the mask. Vox Machina didn't until it was too late. The Might Nein might be beginning to, and if they keep at it, that will make all the difference.

----------

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[faelapis]

white diamond’s morality

i think one of the reasons i like SU so much is, i feel its approach to morality is more structural than individual.

cartoons tend to be a bit... “great man history” about its conflict resolution. that is to say, entire systems hinge on their leaders, and the masses are easily led in a new direction if the old leader is dispatched. this is seen as unproblematic, and no one clings to everything they were taught under the old system. unless, of course, they’re one of the “bad seeds” (note again the individualism) and must also be dispatched, rather than understood as part of a context.

su definitely has a bit of that, namely the gems who were inspired by rose and chose to fight with her, but it’s more deconstructive about it. they all have personal reasons for joining, rather than the rejection of their old lives being the “default”. they still cling to fears of failing to be what they’re supposed to (especially pearl), and their leader doesn’t have a solution to the gem hierarchy. 

rose is against it, but she doesn’t know how to dismantle it. she carries seeds of disrespect towards those she protects. she may not even think they can truly break free, judging by her dialogue. she plays the perfect leader, because she’s become depressed enough to think that’s what they want her to be. it’s certainly what she was encouraged to think.

moreover, many on the cg side, including rose, thought that “shattering“ pink would be the end of it. that the dear leader was necessary to keep the system alive. but that thought is subverted - not just by the other diamonds, whose ties to pink are close, but by her followers. the ones whose role became their solace, rather than the thing they wanted to escape from. they don’t all become crystal gems, because that’s not what makes sense to them. what makes sense is to... keep going, as before. that’s what made sense to jasper, eyeball, nephrite.

and yes, they all suffer for it, but the worldbuilding of the show is strong enough that there’s inherent understanding that their responses make sense within their world, and that expecting them to celebrate and change sides overnight is... kind of unfair. it was certainly immature of rose, if she ever had that hope.

which brings me to white diamond.

i love the setup of the current arc. the question is never “can white be redeemed or will we just have to kill her”, because there are actual reasons they’re talking to her in the first place that aren’t merely ideological. like, ok, you defeat white, then what? the corrupted gems are still corrupted. her gems will hate you, maybe even seek revenge. i hope your individual moral purity was worth it, because that’s all you get for refusing to talk to her. by treating her as an individual evil, you’re inherently choosing to ignore structural problems at hand.

so the real questions are as following: 1. what would steven need to do to convince white to help him? 2. why does white perpetuate the system, and what does she think would happen without it?

i’m not the oracle who can tell you the former, but the latter is worth discussing. most of the reaction i’ve seen to the idea of white having genuine character motivation is very... well, as the saying goes, “cool motive, still murder”.

but people basically say that about every character before they know that motivation. they said it about jasper. they said it about blue and yellow (some still do, but others substitute that for blaming everything on white). it’s a very easy thing to say, when you assume all it could be is just “maybe they’re sad and lonely :(“... but that’s not what i imagine for white.

to be clear - i do think she’s lonely. isolating yourself in your head (figuratively and literally) for thousands of years will do that to you... and playing puppet with her pearl is kind of a brilliant commentary on what it’s like to be avoidant - you’re there, you can see and hear others, but you’re shielding yourself in such a way that they can’t really reach you. you’re not present enough to open yourself up, or ever tell anyone how you feel. “white never leaves her own head anymore”.

but this isn’t a motivation in and of itself. avoidance is tied to anxiety, so what is white so scared of happening if she lets go of her control?

honestly, i think what she fears is nothing less than the end of gemkind.

becoming a childless god.

the crystal gems are basically ok with that. they have to be, because gem production requires feeding off of planets, and fertile ones tend to be populated - hence the injectors look like irl viruses. they’re a parasitic species. they reproduce by killing their host.

moreover, gem production is highly specialized. you need kindergarteners, and then you need lapis lazulis to terraform in preparation of the injectors, then of course you need armies to conquer the next planet, and then Of Course you need agates to keep those gems in line, and then Naturally you need a court system with zircons to make sure everyone does their jobs, and Obviously guards to keep the peace, and managers, and pilots, and domestic servants, and if everyone doesn’t do these things then nothing will ever get done! there will be chaos and we’ll be defeated and we’ll all die next time we try to reproduce. what’s that, the youngest diamond thinks we should prioritize humankind over our own species? don’t be absurd!

that’s the rabbit hole of anxiety white has fallen down. and those anxieties aren’t merely hers, but everyone who follows the system - and gems seemingly burst out of the ground “already knowing what they’re supposed to be”, which is very much in line with that system. 

we tend to prescribe individuality to the diamonds, that they do things merely because they want to, but i think white is as much part of her court as her court depends on her. she doesn’t just think she’s the leader, she thinks she has to be in order to serve her society. she’s another gear in the clockwork, just like everyone else. why shouldn’t she stay in her room as a perfect queen, shining down on her court without desires of her own? why should she open up about what she wants? such irrational thoughts...

i think how pink creates life (the pebbles, lion, steven’s watermelons) terrifies white, because it’s use of resources without that structure. putting your own desires above your duty, allowing atomic chaos controlled only by each individual, knowing that those individuals could be destroyed and nothing new could be made without a diamond’s essence... feels selfish to her. like. ok, you want individuality and choice, cool, i’m kinda trying to keep everything in its place so we can live on as a species. but go off i guess.

and this is the part where i say what’s obvious but still needs to be said - white’s perspective is flawed. pink may be reckless, selfish, and naive, but white’s system is so deeply collectivist that she fails to see the clockwork as made up of individuals. why shouldn’t she harvest and replace a faulty part, if someone in the beehive isn’t doing their job perfectly? we’re all just machine parts, and we’re all replaceable. naturally. for the greater good. 

it’s fitting that what made her smile in the first place was a synchronized dance of literal machine parts. the end of that order terrifies her.

this is why her design (and homeworld’s) is so heavily inspired by the movie “metropolis” - which was in and of itself a critique of the dehumanization of workers under industrialism. white is the end point of that. that’s also where we got the quote for the configuration of the diamond ship - “the mediator between the head (white) and the hands (blue & yellow) must be the heart (steven)”. 

but it’s not just her. peridot and jasper both think this is perfectly rational, and write the crystal gems off as emotional and selfish (at first). and.. everything taken into account, it’s clear that neither the crystal gems as a collective or rose as an individual have been able to fully cast these ideas aside. rose’s answer wasn’t for gems - it was to put her faith in humanity, who “can choose”. who can reinvent themselves. and she thought right up until her last years that gems are somewhat tied to their purpose. that’s why she wanted to be human, after all.

and that’s why steven makes such a great bridge between these worlds. he’s blunt about how wrong it is, what rose and the crystal gems thought - that gems couldn’t change. of course they can, look at how far garnet, amethyst, and pearl have come! look at how they’ve blossomed, look at how they’ve worked to become their best selves! look at what gems and humans have in common! 

and what’s sometimes a flaw of his - inserting himself into other people’s lives and believing he understands what’s best for them, even before he knows them as individuals, to the point that it occasionally drives people (like lapis and lars) away... who does he have that in common with, if not the diamonds? if not the “impeccable judgement” of white herself?

i think that’s why, ultimately... flawed, biased and shortsighted as he can be (just like his mother), steven can get through to white. maybe not now, but someday. because he understands how these things fit together, how the problems of individuals have structural causes. most importantly, he knows that it’s going to take more than just him to fix things - and maybe he can help white realize that, too. there’s a secret fusion or love affair everywhere you look on homeworld, and so she could never really control a clockwork order... but that’s ok, because she can let go. everything in the world isn’t up to her.

[tsukiyaki]

Discipline

A couple weeks back, my life group studied the Lord’s discipline in Hebrews 12:3-11. At the end, I testified about how I came into 2020 knowing it would be a year in which God would teach me discipline, and that through that, the Spirit would bear the fruit of self control in me. In the last 3 months, I have approached work, my relationship with God, and self care with more intentionality and discipline than I ever thought I was capable of. I shared about the fruit that has come out of this grueling season. 

But shortly after, a series of events unfolded that completely destroyed my newfound lifestyle.

Growth vs. perfection

I’ve noticed that whenever I testify publicly about something great that the Lord is currently doing in my life, that very thing seems to fall apart shortly after. When that happens, my first instinct is often to question the legitimacy of the word of my testimony and wonder if I’m just a fraud. Make one mistake, and every victory from before feels invalidated. I used to think this was purely spiritual attack. But now I wonder if perhaps it’s a test of my faith. It could very well be both, knowing that what the enemy wants to use for harm, the Lord has other plans for. 

This time, I looked at how easily that practice of discipline shattered in the face of adversity. As I pondered my feelings of shame and disappointment, I realized that I still desire/value a perfect record and the certainty of approval that comes with it more than the heart and character God is interested in developing in me through both success and failure. 

If I were to truly establish my complete identity in Him and boast in Christ alone, I could fail a million times and get back up again, knowing that I have nothing to lose and my failures can’t define me, because God uses them to continue to refine me. But I am still afraid of failure, because I do still have something to lose, something that He can’t protect me from, because I have not fully surrendered it to Him: an idea of myself, who I’d like to be, and where I’d like to be able to say I’m at.

I think the perfection of Christ comes from who He is, not what He did. If I am to be perfect as Christ is perfect, the first thing I need to be able to do is let God define “perfection” and understand what its source and measure truly are. Since He is always looking at the heart, it must start there. And since only He can change a heart, there’s really nothing I can do but let Him in and embrace however He wants to bring that change to pass.

Breaking down

Starting last week, the coronavirus situation has been wiping the floor with me. At first, I was very angry at how this virus made me feel imprisoned against my will. Basically everything I was looking forward to leading into the summer got canceled. If you remember from a few blog posts ago, it’s very hard for me to deal with change. There has been a lot of nonstop change. On top of all that, the week was also very emotionally demanding for different reasons.

So I was terrified. With what felt like very little preparation, I would soon have to navigate a world that has restricted access to human interaction. How could I do that and come to a point where I could accept that that is part of who I am and a legitimate need, but also know that even without that, Christ is sufficient for me? I couldn’t, as far as I was concerned. So I rebelled and self-sabotaged.

I threw discipline out the window. I did whatever it took to feel like I still had some semblance of control over my life, even if that control was over how I chose to destroy it (e.g. not sleeping, shutting God out, indulging emotional whims).

Turning back to God

It took me a few days of mistreating myself before I summoned up the will to seek accountability. After I sent a few friends an update on my situation, I laid in bed and reached for my phone. I think it has been months since I’ve turned to God for a “Spotify therapy session.” I put my worship playlist on shuffle, and He speaks to me through the songs. I realized that I had stopped because I thought it was a cheap way to connect with Him, that I was cheating in some way by not sitting myself down for hours, highlighters and pen in hand, solemnly deconstructing the Bible word by word to find Him instead. I still had this impression of what “seeking God” looks like based on the standard examples provided at church, and everything else just didn’t seem legitimate. But He continues challenging me to stop looking to other people to tell me how to live my life, stop waiting for someone else’s approval and affirmation before I can believe that I know anything, and to start trusting that I know how He leads me.

We often advise people to “give it to God” or “go seek the Lord,” but what does that really mean? Just like no two people relate to others in the same way, apart from God Himself, nobody knows better than you and I how we best connect with God. And while the Word and prayer are inevitable, they aren’t confined to retreating with a paper Bible or assuming a certain prayer stance. Finding comfort in God and hearing Him speak could look different for every person, and it’s our job to figure it out for ourselves. But across the board, I think what we’re really saying is whatever your method is, go do it so you can get a fresh revelation of Him, a fresh encounter, a moment of connection in which you step into His presence, encounter His glory, and watch it eclipse everything else. And that’s what happened to me over the course of 14 songs on Spotify. 

Spotify therapy

Before I pressed play, I was a shell of myself. I had no desire to do anything. I was defeated and desperate. I thought there was no way out of the suffocating circumstances I found myself in. Within an hour of listening to the Lord speak to me, I felt like I had risen on wings like eagles.

He opened my eyes to the fact that the same thing that's causing so much division and chaos right now may be the very thing that forces us to become tighter and more connected globally and in our own communities, if we want to survive. Because anything else that anybody could usually find their security in is being stripped away right now. What's left is a really good, honest look at where our hearts really are, and what is really worth building a life on that’s capable of sustaining us. The answer will be Jesus.

In my own life, I’ve seen in the midst of a much more demanding workload that being able to regularly be with people is something that matters as much to me as breathing. And when coronavirus threatened that and took it away, I threw a fit, because I felt out of control. I felt helpless and feared the pain of having my air taken away. I also felt guilty and scared that I seemed to have learned nothing about discipline, and that people were still an idol in my life. But when I finally chose to bring this all before God, He simply reminded me that I am fully provided for, and I actually believed Him. 

His love bolstered me. I remember those 14 songs and the message He spoke to me. He is my provider. I have all I need in Him. His love is my reward and the reason I keep pressing forward. I am not alone, and He goes before me to make a way. He loves me. He loves me. He loves me so much. He has already won this war. Even as I play my part and partner with Him, I walk in and towards certain victory. He has won my heart more than any other. There is no one more beautiful, more wonderful, more glorious than He. He is so much more than what I leave behind, so much more than anything I could ever lose, so I can afford to live this life to its fullest. I can love like I am unafraid of having my heart broken, because I can afford to love like Jesus loves. I do not have to stand here second-guessing myself and calling myself an idiot for caring too much. I can stand here confidently knowing His people are worth every fallen tear, worth facing any fear, worth the effort. And that includes me.

And whether it hurts like hell or the fight is won, I will praise the Lord, because He calls me to do so and says I can. So I will.

Getting back up

Even when everything felt like it was falling apart, the moment He showed me that He knows exactly what’s going on, nothing has changed between us, and He is so close that even without me telling him, he knows where I'm at--that was enough for me to stand back up and try again, without anything changing for the better in my circumstances.

Things didn’t stop at me feeling better about my life or myself. After being strengthened again, I went out and did what the enemy tried to stop me from doing: I praised God, I declared His truth with even more boldness than I had at life group, and I saw nothing but opportunity where there was once despair. I had not only found vision and purpose again, I heard His voice again, a voice that silenced every other. I reached out to my coworkers with newfound appreciation in my heart, and I made sure they knew how much they meant to me. I reminded a coworker of how when the darkness grows, the light shines ever brighter, and that is exactly the climate the world finds itself in with this coronavirus pandemic, and he too was encouraged and caught the vision. I had a great talk with another friend later in the day and was able to encourage and comfort him through his circumstances.

I sucked it up and stopped being angry that I would have to suffer for at least the next month and not get to connect with people in the easy, convenient way I’m used to. And I realized if the world won’t hand connection and community to me on a silver platter, fine, because God built me with the gifting and vision to make a silver platter of my own, even to be that silver platter for others, and that is enough.

When the war is won but the battles keep on

Honestly, I wish the testimony could end there, but it doesn’t. Just a few hours after all of those victories, I sunk back into an emotional pit. But things had changed, ever so slightly. I went to bed on time. I kept seeking accountability. I ended the day admitting that I was even further from perfection than I thought I was, yet I was somehow more accepting of where I was than before. And I took that as proof that I had grown. 

This week has been another week of trial by fire. It has been the hardest week of 2020 so far (I honestly didn’t think it could get worse than last week, but the record amount of tears I’ve shed prove me wrong), but not for the reasons I thought it would be. In just the last couple of days, I realized I’ve made several wrong conclusions in this very blog post about where I’m at and what I need or desire. But admitting that I’m wrong opened up the door to more growth, a very challenging and painful kind of growth.

And then it hit me: this is discipline.

The Lord loves me so so much, for He is disciplining me. Hebrews 12:3-11 could not be more real to me than it is right now. I didn’t waste the first 3 months of this year. I didn’t get thrown into this situation carelessly. God has been preparing me way ahead of time by getting me to a point where I could survive my current circumstances. He trained me in discipline that I could schedule and plan for, which was a step up from having none at all. But now, He is building discipline into my character. 

Character is something no storm in life could ever take from me. Character is what’s left when my habits and willpower are stripped away like they were this past week. I’ve got a long way to go, and I’m honestly not looking forward to it because it’s going to be painful. Hebrews promised me that much. But I want that yield of peaceful fruit of righteousness in those who have been trained by discipline. I want to be a child of God who has given Him everything, so that He can work in me to will and to work for his good pleasure, with no restrictions. I know, somewhere deep down inside me, this is all going to be worth it.

Please pray for me as I continue this arduous journey. I need it.

[thornsickle]

What is the end game for Rey and Kylo Ren, and how does it connect to the ultimate fate of the Force in the sequel trilogy?

With ‘The Last Jedi’ only a month away (a month guys!), I thought I would dive into something which might be viewed as a little too far-fetched to be discussing right now, but I think it’s crucial to put this out there before we have all seen ‘The Last Jedi’. Mainly because this could very easily be torn to pieces by the end of episode VIII (which I will embrace wholeheartedly either way, as I am sure that a compelling story awaits us all). So if you think this is all just moot to be talking about at this stage, or you’d rather not think about what will be the conclusion to the sequel trilogy concerning Kylo and Rey, then by all means skip this post. For those still here, I hope you read on and let me know what you think. Oh, and be warned, this is going to be a long post.

What will happen ultimately to Rey and Kylo Ren? At this point, given what has happened these past few months, I think ‘Reylo’, in the broadest of terms, is going to happen. Heck, it’s already started in TFA.

For me the more important question now is not if ‘Reylo’ is going to happen but rather, what is to become of their futures? Will they be together or won’t they? Right now we don’t know, and I don’t presume to know either, but I would like to talk about what could happen on a hypothetical level, given what we know about what type of story this is, and the narrative line, both on a symbolic and spiritual level.

Because to answer the question of how this trilogy will end, we have to ask what it is indeed about. And in order to answer that question, we have to ask what the sequel trilogy has to do in order to further the story of ‘Star Wars’.

The sequel trilogy is, in the end, about the Force.

But you see, I think the Force is going to have a much bigger role to play now, because the lore surrounding Star Wars needs to be expanded upon. We know this is coming because Luke has been trying to find out more about this mysterious Force which the entire saga revolves around, and I think we will get a lot more backstory on it in TLJ, judging by Luke’s books and the Force Tree we saw in the trailer. Heck, he’s on Achto, the original temple of the Jedi; if that doesn’t scream history and hoards of information just waiting to be found, I don’t know what does.

There’s a reason why episode VII was called ‘The Force Awakens’.

But how exactly will they expand upon the Force and how does this connect to the fates of Kylo Ren and Rey?

“Without the Jedi, there can be no balance in the Force.” 

A simple, single line, which appears in the first scene of TFA. An old saying, which finds it’s roots in the original trilogy.

‘The mission’ if you like, for this sequel trilogy, will be to deconstruct this notion, and by the end of episode IX we should be able to see that what Lor San Tekka states here is, in fact, incorrect.

‘Dust’ and ‘the Force’

The similarities between ‘His Dark Materials’ and the notions of ‘the Force’ are not surprising. Both are inspired by religious sources; for Pullman it was Paradise Lost, for George Lucas it was more general, taking inspiration from all forms of religion, but this greatly informs their ideas of their respective sources of power in their worlds. ‘Dust/the Force’, the idea of power, for both these creatives, resides primarily in the idea of faith and more importantly, ‘the consciousness‘. Why is this so?

The fantasy genre for me exists, first and foremost, because we want to tackle the morally problematic issue that is ‘power’. Magic, lightsabers, rings, wands, time travel, super powers, you name it, these are all simply vehicles used to represent the idea of power. However, what makes both George Lucas and Phillip Pullman so interesting, is that their philosophy surrounding power goes beyond that of the classic, cautionary tale about the misuse of power (Harry Potter - ‘horcruxes & Voldemort’, Lord of the Rings - ‘the One Ring’) or how one becomes ‘worthy’ of power.

The biggest similarity between ‘Dust’ and ‘the Force’ is their nebulousness and anonymity within their respective stories. The characters in both worlds have very different ideas about ‘Dust/the Force’, both on it’s purpose and what should be done about it. They are forms of power which ultimately do not belong to either the ‘good’ or ‘evil’. If I was to describe how ideas of ‘the Force’ are to change, I would say that Philip Pullman’s description of ‘Dust’ gives a pretty good idea of where I think this sequel trilogy is heading.

“Dust is a mysterious force of which the powerful people in the story seem to be afraid.”

This quote was taken directly from an interview with Philip Pullman, but what is so fascinating is that he might as well be talking about ‘the Force’ as we know it in Star Wars. In fact, this could be seen as the premise for the entire saga.

Here is the link to said video. From 1:26

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5N6vzZuPy1s

In the prequels, Palpatine’s main goal was to take over the Galactic Senate and ultimately rule over the galaxy. However, he did so in a very politically strategic way; by instilling fear in the public and, by extension, fear of the Jedi. He distanced the public from ‘the force’ and shrouded it in mystery, instilling ignorance in those he ruled over. He went so far as to hide his own identity as a force user in order to do this. By taking this power away from the people, he was able to easily manipulate those around him. This is why he was able to take over and create his Empire as smoothly as he did, “with thunderous applause”. His true power was his perceptiveness; he could see into people’s weaknesses and understood how ‘power’ could be both utilized and suppressed.

Palpatine was intelligent in the sense that he knew ‘the Force’ was a powerful thing, however, as Pullman says in his quote, he ultimately feared it. We know this because, quite simply, he tried to control it; first by extinguishing the Jedi, and second, by manipulating Anakin Skywalker, the greatest force user at that time, into becoming his puppet.

In His Dark Materials, ‘the Magistrate’ exerts its power through similar means; their basic goal is to remain in power by making sure the public never learn of ‘dust’ and its various capabilities. They are responsible for the public’s general ignorance over what ‘Dust’ actually is, they only know it as something corrupt and to be feared. The Magistrate successfully created in this way a distorted image of ‘Dust’, labeling it as something ‘evil’ and ‘corrupt’ (if you like ‘original sin’). This is exactly what Palpatine did to the Jedi; you might as well exchange the ‘Magisterium’ for the ‘Empire’ and you probably wouldn’t see much difference. 

On the other side, the Jedi during the prequels had grown ignorant over the true purpose of ‘the force’ and what ‘balance in the force’ really meant. This is why they ultimately failed Anakin Skywalker during his training to become a Jedi. George Lucas highlights the flaws within the council and we are therefore able to understand why the Republic fell. The Jedi only used one side of the Force, and believed the ‘Dark Side’ to be completely corrupt and therefore not to be embraced. They speak of ‘fear being the path to the dark side’ but ironically, it is that very avoidance of it, that ends up instilling fear of the ‘Dark side’ in force users and therefore sends either themselves or those around them down that path, becoming the very thing they swore to destroy. Philip Pullman also shows this in his trilogy but more on that later.

“Dust is a mysterious force of which the powerful people in the story seem to be afraid.” 

Once again, we return to his statement. At first it may not seem this way, but the Jedi too, in their own way, feared ‘the Force’ and it’s capabilities. Like ‘the Magistrate’, they created an order, a set of rules, a moral code, in order to restrain force users and stop them from being ‘corrupted’. Someone like Anakin Skywalker, who found extreme conflict regarding this concept, was exactly the sort of person who the Jedi feared most of all.

Like ‘the Magistrate’, they grew increasingly frustrated because of their growing lack of connection to ‘the Force’. This is shown most prominently when Yoda states “impossible to see, the future is.” And yet, Anakin sees, with painful clarity, the future and the fate of the one he loves, because unlike Yoda, he does not fully reject ‘the dark side’ and therefore it does not cloud his vision. His connection to ‘the Force’ is very much like Lyra’s ability to read the alethiometer; she sees nothing but the truth, something no one else seems to be able to do. Rey in the sequel trilogy also holds this ability; her version of this comes in the form of ‘visions’.

The Jedi do not fully trust ‘the chosen one’, which means that they do not in fact trust ‘the Force’. Like ‘the Force’, Anakin Skywalker was someone who could not be controlled and yet, this is precisely why he was ‘the chosen one’. TLJ continues these ideas, with Luke fearing not only ‘Kylo Ren’ but ‘Rey’ as well, and I would guess this is because he does not understand ‘what’ either of them truly are, whether they are ‘good’ or ‘bad’, symbols of ‘the Force’ or, if you like for the purposes of this post, ‘Dust’.

It is important to note that one speaks of ‘the Force’ or ‘Dust’, we are talking about it as a whole. The Jedi may have embraced the Force as they knew it, but they didn’t in fact do so fully. Like the Emperor, they feared what might happen if ‘the Force’ was free and unrestricted. This is why we have seen through the saga the fall of both the ‘light’ and ‘dark’ side.

In ‘His Dark Materials’, ‘intercision’ is for me the equivalent of what happens to every Force user in the saga, may they be on the ‘light’ side or ‘dark’ side.

In Philip Pullman’s books, this is of course much more extreme; essentially ‘intercision’ is a form of lobotomy. In literature, lobotomy is often used as a symbol for the loss of freedom and individual thought – just look at Tennessee Williams’ ‘Suddenly Last Summer’ as the most blatant example of this. ‘Intercision’ is essentially the Magistrate’s way of preventing children from embracing ‘Dust’ as they turn of age, stopping from maturing. Instead they transform into vegetative states, with no free will of their own. The separation of the soul and body can also be linked to the concept of dementors in the Harry Potter series. 

Snoke’s manipulation of Kylo is reminiscent of this. He is trying to stomp out the very humanity out of Ben Solo – hence Lor San Tekka’s line “something far worse as happened to you”, alluding to Kylo’s almost Frankenstein-like appearance which harkens back to Darth Vader and his journey. For Kylo however, his ‘intercision’ is not yet complete.

Looking at it from a certain point of view, both the Sith and Jedi prevented their students from developing the complete use of the Force, by allowing them to only use one half of it and, one can argue, only one half of themselves. Although each respective faction states they do this because the other side is ‘corrupt’, it is clear something is incorrect about their analysis, because the Force is in constant flux throughout the saga, unable to settle, perhaps because of it’s misuse by both sides. In ‘His Dark Materials’, this is exactly what is happening with ‘Dust’. At the end of ‘The Northern Lights’ Lord Asriel is able to travel from one world to another, but only by killing Lyra’s best friend Rodger in the process. This causes Lyra to reevaluate both her image of her father, but also of Dust. Unlike Lucas, Pullman shows us from the very first book, that ‘Dust’ is not only being misunderstood by the ‘Magisterium’ but also by those we see as the ‘good guys’.

If the latest trailer for ‘The Last Jedi’ is any indication, Luke may have caught on a little, as it seems he has discovered the Jedi were ultimately wrong about their teachings and beliefs concerning ‘the Force’. Hence his line, “it is time for the Jedi to end.” In Pullman’s books, the adults have a clear misunderstanding when it comes to ‘Dust’, largely because they know so little about it, and more importantly, because they are unable to control it. This is essentially what I think Luke has discovered or will discover in ‘The Last Jedi’.

 “Lyra, who has been told all her life that dust is bad, has seen the adults around her doing terrible things in the name of getting rid of Dust as they think. She undergoes a moral crisis, and thinks ‘if these people have been doing these wicked things and they say that Dust is bad, then maybe Dust is good’.

This is exactly what I think will happen to Rey in ‘The Last Jedi’.

It leads her to connect with Kylo Ren because she witnesses what she sees as the misuse of ‘the Force’. In the original trilogy, the Death Star is the ultimate symbol of misuse of power. George Lucas even rubs this in by making the source of it’s power kyber crystals, which are in themselves symbols of the Force itself. This is heavily implied in Rogue One. This is just speculation at this point, but I believe the Resistance have been mining for some form of kyber crystals on Crait, and were perhaps building a sort of Death Star of their own. I’m not sure though if Lucasfilm is gutsy enough for that, but it would make a heck of a storyline.

With Rey, she sees that the light side of the Force is not entirely what she expected, and finding herself even more lost, wonders that perhaps ‘the dark side’ is not as corrupt as she is being led to think.

Yes, these are two completely different materials, but essentially, they are tackling the same themes. In Rey’s mind at present, there is ‘the Force’, but she is not yet aware that previous force users saw different ways it could be misused. Like Anakin before her, she will discover that her use of ‘the Force’ would have been seen as ‘corrupt’ by the Jedi, firstly because, on a practical level, she has not been trained and has little control over it, and secondly, because she utilizes both the Dark and Light sides of the Force. The several examples of this during TFA (see links below for examples). 

http://sakurau121.tumblr.com/post/147314934255/im-calling-it-rey-is-going-to-turn-to-the-dark

http://sakurau121.tumblr.com/post/152902112780/so-heres-yet-another-theory-of-mine-about-how

http://sakurau121.tumblr.com/post/154378487925/reys-introduction-to-the-force-in-tfa-and-the

My opinion remains open, but these just give you observations on Rey’s use of the force.

I think one of the reasons why she will struggle with Luke, is because she will find his teachings restrictive. Luke’s ‘fear’ of Rey is completely justified, because, as we have established, the ‘adults’ in the fantasy genre often fear the young because they represent what is to come – the future of power. They fear this ‘force’ because they do not understand it. This is why, as Pullman shows, power is not just abused by the ‘bad guys’ but by the majority of the characters in his stories because they seek to exert control over ‘power’ itself (in his case ‘Dust’). This is what ‘His Dark Materials’ has most in common with the philosophy of Star Wars because all the force users in Star Wars also seek to control ‘the Force’, one way or another (which turns out to be their biggest mistake).

“Everything that is consciousness – human thought, imagination, love, affection, kindness, good things, curiosity, intellectual curiosity.”

 This is Pullman’s description of ‘Dust’ and interestingly, there are many elements there which refer to both the ‘light’ and ‘dark’ sides of the Force. ‘Curiosity’, for example, is something which Yoda in fact tries to suppress in Luke – “there is no why”. Luke’s natural curiosity in the world around him, the possibilities that he sees, is in fact his greatest quality and the reason why he was able to save his father and help him fulfill the prophecy of ‘The Chosen One’. So, what does that say about Yoda and what would have happened if Luke had suppressed his true self?

For Rey and Kylo Ren, they will discover, as Lyra did, that power is being misused by pretty much everybody (hence all the characters in the promotion in TLJ being soaked in red). This is unsurprising, as far as ‘His Dark Materials’ go, because most of the characters in Pullman’s books are not necessarily ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Mrs Coulter and Lord Asriel are very good examples of this. Lyra herself is wild and has an almost untameable sort of quality about her, similar, I think, to both Kylo and Rey.

 The power struggle between the old and new ways of thinking is not necessarily something new. In the original trilogy, Luke defies his masters because he does not agree with them. Once again, I think this will be repeated in the sequel trilogy. After all, fairy-tales in the end are about parents and children, and how children ultimately must move on and evolve, separating from their parents. The future must prevail, and progress cannot be stopped. Change inevitably happens, and therefore, the freedom of independent thought is essential. In Pullman’s trilogy, he shows this in the most powerful way possible, and this is where we delve into what I think will be Rey and Kylo’s ultimate fate. 

Their fate will depend greatly on what happens to ‘the Force’ at the end of this trilogy which is why I’ve been barking on and on about its evolution and meaning in this post. So far, the Force has remained unstable, despite the fact that Anakin Skywalker restored ‘balance’ when he destroyed the Emperor. This is actually a very important thing to remember because it indicates that perhaps ‘balance’ is not necessarily the answer.

The Force as we know it must change and take on a different form. The sequel trilogy in many ways is about wiping the slate clean. I believe this trilogy will bring an end to ‘force users’ as we currently recognize them. Like ‘Dust’, one could argue that if ‘the Force’ had been left alone to thrive naturally and was not manipulated by man, then perhaps none of the events of the saga would have happened at all.

This idea of ‘the Force’ being free, the end of both the Jedi and the Sith, can only be demonstrated effectively enough through our two ‘protagonists’. This has been done before of course, and yes, ‘His Dark Materials’ is one example. This is only a suggestion but I think it’s entirely possible that Rey and Kylo will, in essence, let ‘the Force’ be free and no longer let others control it. It returns to how it was before force users were about. And so, ‘the Force’ as we know it, disappears and yet remains. Like Lyra and Will, Rey and Kylo lose their powers, and therefore, so does Snoke. This is how they ultimately defeat him. Like Noah, they must start anew, letting go of the old world in order to create a new one. However, in order to truly demonstrate the relinquishing of power, they must do one other thing.

 At the end of ‘His Dark Materials’, Lyra and Will are forced to part ways – they cannot stay together. By relinquishing power, they also realize that because ‘said power’ can no longer be controlled, they cannot control their fate either. It is often the case that characters must sacrifice so that they can restore peace and balance, returning ‘power’ back into the world, so that people can embrace it in it’s purest form.

If you want an example of this, look no further than that of Chirrut in ‘Rogue One’. He presents an alternative way of embracing ‘the Force’. Pullman has said that ‘Dust’ needs people as much as people need ‘Dust’. One cannot exist without the other. Which is why that famous line in ‘Rogue One’ makes so much sense…

“And the Force is with me”.

This idea of returning ‘power’ back to the ‘world’ is a very universal idea and can be seen in many different forms. The film ‘Princess Mononoke’ ends with Ashitaka and San returning to their respective worlds after releasing the power back to nature. The forest is no longer as it once was and each must respectively follow their own path but remain connected to one another, even when they are apart. Lyra and Will clearly embody this; they are from two separate parallel worlds but both sit on the same bench each year, aware that the other is close by but still so far away. ‘Spirited Away’ ends with Chihiro returning to the human world; Haku says that he is ‘free’ but they still must part because they have come to the end of their journey together. That film is very much about these ‘two protagonists’ regaining their sense of identity. Sound familiar?

But why must Kylo and Rey part? You may ask.

Aren’t they supposed to meet in the middle and connect to create a new group of force users?

Perhaps. But it would go against everything that I have just said up until now. We cannot forget that while they will connect to each other, they represent opposites sides of a coin, like Ashitaka and San (’man’ and ‘nature’), Haku and Chihiro (‘spirit’ and ‘consciousness’). Ying and Yang, and while both connect to both sides of the Force, they will, in the end, embrace one side a little more than the other. They are two separate beings, and by finding their true ‘identities’ at the conclusion of this trilogy, they remember the past and realize they must do better than those who have come before them.

I do not believe Kylo and Rey will begin creating a new group of force users because they will finally understand the true nature of the Force. It is not something which can be taught; it must be felt and developed naturally, like ‘consciousness’ itself, allowed to expand and mature overtime. We don’t grow up when we begin to listen and do what we are told to do; we grow up when we start to make conscious decisions for ourselves and understand the consequences that come with that. Only then do we begin to know ourselves and therefore become in touch with who we inherently are. This is something which no one can teach you; ultimately you discover this for yourself and in fact, that is the ‘true’ source of power, the true power of ‘the Force’.

Self-discovery, which is what the fantasy genre is all about.

Here’s another reason behind why I think Rey and Kylo will part at the end of Episode IX.

‘Casablanca’.

True, this is not a fantasy film, but it is a story about taking initiative and trying to make the world a better place (famously it was released during WW2 when America was already involved, and this film hailed the idea of ‘responsibility’ and ‘commitment’ during a time when the world was literally falling apart).

 It is a story about ‘redemption’ and I believe that is what the sequel trilogy will be about. The return of ‘the Force’ in its purest form through the redemption of those who use it, and that applies to everyone, not just Kylo Ren.

There are, however, clear parallels between the character of ‘Rick’ and ‘Kylo Ren’, which is not surprising as Humphrey Bogart embodied many traits which harken back to the idea of the Byronic hero, or ‘anti-hero’. As Palminteri said about Bogart, “he was able to wear a white hat and a black hat. He was the killer you sort of sympathised with.” Han Solo IS Rick in Casablanca you could argue, at first passive towards the political climate, hypocritical in the sense that he says he doesn’t care, when really he does.

Naturally, his son embodies this attitude as well and by the end of Casablanca, Rick has transformed his world view after reuniting with the love of his life, who is aptly part of the ‘French Resistance’. Is it only when he pushes her away, that he becomes truly selfless and he finally recovers his true sense of agenda and identity.

This is the key when it comes to Kylo Ren. The only way I believe to truly complete his transformation is for him to do the noble thing and protect the one he loves in the most selfless way possible. This is important because it becomes an integral part of his story arc. This does not however mean that he will die. That would be easy, but the harder thing to do, would be to live with the decisions he has made. This is one of the primary reasons why JK Rowling did not kill Harry Potter at the end of her series. Of course, another reason is because it has been done before, and unlike Darth Vader, Kylo’s story is tightly interlocked with that of Rey, more so than Luke’s ever was with his father.

Ebert describes Bogart thus; “he can play that hurt, that vulnerability, that guy who will never be able to bounce back and at the same time, you see inside of him that idealism. He has this cynicism that says ‘I’ll stick my neck out for nobody’ but at the same time he sticks his neck way out and it was that transition that Bogart was so good at.”

 I have a hunch that Adam Driver is good at this too, and this is precisely why Kennedy cast him as Kylo Ren. I don’t think it’s a mere coincidence that very specific expressionist cinematography was used during Kylo’s scenes in TFA; the use of film noirish side lighting to highlight his inner conflict and split-self, just as Rick is depicted in Casablanca.

Kylo and Rey will part ways but remain connected, coexisting. Ben’s love for Rey will echo the use of the Force by force-users, and therefore both must be relinquished in order to bring true peace to the galaxy. The bright side is it will leave the trilogy open-ended enough so that their story can continue and there is a possibility of them coming together once more, but I also think it makes for the most cohesive ending.

The Force does not need to be balanced, it needs to be set free.

‘Star-crossed lovers’, Rey and Kylo indeed literally will become I think. 

But what do you think? Let me know in the comments and don’t forget to like and reblog so we can get a conversation going. Sorry for the extremely long post :D

[ladyvialana]

Voltron On Ice!!! or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Season 4

So, unlike last season, this season I’m going a bit more in depth with my reaction. And a lot more meta. (A bit like the show, I guess.) There will be two posts to this review/analysis: this post, which is a more general reaction/analysis regarding particular things; and the second post, which will delve into the characters from team Voltron and how this season has affected/developed them.

There will be three parts to this post: a general look at the structure of season 4 in relation to the whole series, discussion about Lotor (and the other main antagonists) and a more analytical look at episode 4, since I actually really liked it and everyone else seems to hate it.

TL;DR: I really liked this season and think we are in for a fantastic ride with the rest of the show. It is kind of all action, little progress this season, but there is still quite important plot and character development and also great insight into world building.

Let’s dig in!

(Fair warning, this is actually quite long for a discussion post (2k words!). And there are no images to break it up. Sorry!)

First up, let me get the whole reaction to the seasonal structure out of the way.

This season, much like season 3, works on its own as a whole. But there is merit to the argument that they should have been released together. For season 1 and 2, structurally, we seemed to have more character/lighthearted episodes in the first half of the season and the back half of the season was faster and more plot-heavy. Structurally, season 3 mimics that character-heavy beginning of a “full” season and season 4 mimics the plot-heavy “back end”. This definitely plays havoc on the pacing of both seasons. However, unlike the earlier seasons, there are two distinct plot arcs which separate the seasons and also a major time gap that separates them (during which some plot and character development happens which I will mention in the second post). Also, in terms of overall focus, they are actually quite distinct. So, while there probably was some fiddling up at a higher level coming into play with the releasing of the episode like this, I still think it works.

Getting into more of a discussion about the focus/driving force of each season, Season 1 was an introductory/training season where we got to know the characters and see them develop their skills and bond with each other so they could challenge the big boss at the end. The overarching goal of the season was to get to Zarkon and fight (and lose, and learn from that loss to come back stronger). Season 2 was about muddying the waters a bit and introducing new elements/allies - it’s sowing the seeds for the rebellion/alliance. It was building up a stronger force to come back to fight the big boss again and actually win this time because the team had learned and knew what they were doing now and had support. Season 3, in a way, mirrored season 1 in that the team was unsettled after a major change to the status quo and they had new members and new positions and new responsibilities. It was about them coming together to form a new team and taking on a new boss (and losing again, sort of; they definitely didn’t win) and learning more about each other and themselves in the process. Season 4 mimics season 2 in that they have to build up their alliance and strengths again, but unlike season 2 (in the same way that season 3 doesn’t completely mirror season 1) the destabilisation of the team that happened at the beginning of the season was not fixed and, as a result, they almost lost completely to the big boss of the season (survived only due to an outside force - kind of like Thace’s intervention in season 1, but far more sinister in implication).

Season 1 was about coming together and learning. Season 2 was about building strength and understanding. Season 3 was about rebuilding and moving forward.

Season 4 was all about deconstruction and expansion. Unlike other seasons, season 4 was not always positive or progressive and, narratively, that’s not a bad thing. In fact it’s very much needed, especially in a show like this. Our heroes need to be challenged and need to fail at times so they can come back stronger. Season 4 was actually quite dark in some ways and, despite it being very plot-driven, had some fantastic character developments which I will talk about below and more in my second post.

Okay! Next: let’s talk bad guys!

I enjoyed Lotor a lot more this season. I think in season 3, he managed to get everything he wanted far too easily. But this season was all about him hitting stumbling blocks and finding ways to get back up after being knocked from his path. I think that determination to succeed at his goals whatever the cost was actually shown properly and seeing him forced to react and think on his feet (and his utter ruthlessness in his actions) was brilliant. I’m really intrigued where they’re going to go with him from after the end of the season and how team Voltron will react to him and his offer of “discussion”.

Just as a further point though, I do not believe Lotor is getting a redemption arc (or, at the very least, this is not the start of a potential redemption arc). Just because he might be more sympathetic to the audience does not mean he will be redeemed. He is not joining team Voltron for altruistic reasons, nor is it some aim at self-improvement or a desire to change. He didn’t see the actions of his side as horrendous or too much for him to handle, he just saw an opportunity to get back at Haggar and maybe get some (disposable) allies on side at least temporarily while he gets back up from the fall from his/the generals’ actions and get some distance between him and Zarkon. The middle of camp Voltron is probably the safest place for him given he is now enemy number 1 in the Galra Empire (and if he can convince a few gullible people to sacrifice themselves/turn to team Lotor for his sake, then all the better for his end goal). Lotor had a setback but he is conniving and holds his own self-interest above all else. If helping team Voltron helps him then he’ll do it for as long as it serves his purpose; if he helps them in spite of his own self-interest, only then will it be the first step. But, as at the end of season 4, there is (barely) a potential opportunity for that first step towards redemption (or an opportunity for Lotor to kill everyone in their sleep and steal away with the castle and the lions - whatever gets him what he wants). I just don’t see it happening and think it would be a waste of a rather effective and three-dimensional villain.

Honestly, and very unexpectedly, the one I’m rooting for to get a (semi-)redemption arc is Haggar. Though, redemption may be the wrong word for it. That scene at the beginning of episode 3 where she’s looking at Honerva’s face was haunting and I feel a great foreboding in regards to her overall character arc/endgame. She definitely is the one holding way more cards than anyone else regarding the corruption of quintessence and I genuinely believe that she will be key to the final endgame climax regarding dealing with that major plot point. She’s important - way more important than Zarkon and even Lotor - to the final showdown and overarching plot.

Zarkon is still kind of one-note, though (but it’s a very menacing note) and I’m interested to see how far this further “de-humanisation” (for lack of a better word) is going to affect his existence and goals. How much of the Zarkon we saw in flashback is even still in this being?

I’m not sure how to take the actions of Lotor’s (former) generals. As with Lotor, it’s interesting to see them showing fear and weakness as well as solidarity in the face of what seems like their leader’s insanity. But surely they had to know the kind of person Lotor was when they joined up with him. Maybe they did romanticise him too much (Acxa certainly did) so I really want to see how they’re dealing with, essentially, all of their hopes and futures destroyed. (I mean, good decision making on their part to not stay with the guy who might turn on them at any point without warning. At least their survival instincts are intact if nothing else.)

Finally on this post, a look at a particularly hated aspect of the season (that I actually liked).

Now, I didn’t want to delve into the episodes individually too much given that I was really looking to analyse the season as a whole through the characters in my second post, but I did want to have a brief (ha!) discussion about episode 4 just to finish off this first general post.

Just as a quick note: I am not trying to present anyone’s thoughts/opinions/feelings about this episode as invalid. I’m just presenting my personal thoughts on the episode and explaining why I actually like it. You are under no obligation to agree with my reading of the text; I do understand and sympathise with why people don’t like this episode.

So, in saying that: unlike basically everyone else in the fandom, I genuinely loved this episode. I thought it was funny and entertaining and it was also one of the most uncomfortable episodes of the series so far. It is fantastic metatextual presentation of the show’s interaction with both the execs/TPTB and the more inflexible and outspoken fans. It’s about breaking expectations through self-parody while also presenting a really powerful message about the power of propaganda. You are meant to feel uncomfortable about this episode; it’s designed to make you think critically about the show and how you watch/interact with it. For all that, it’s surprisingly less judgemental than I’d expected (given how I’ve seen this play out in other shows/fandoms before) and presents more of a criticism of the actual construction/distribution of the show than the reception/fandom. In some ways it’s a lighthearted joke at itself and the various criticisms of the show (Hunk being portrayed as a joke was meant to be uncomfortable - the distillation of the characters down to one-note ideas is meant to be a commentary on marketing and mass-production and the way the execs push certain agendas despite good and effective storytelling *cough*Shiro’s early return and toy sales*cough*).

This episode as a whole is meant to leave a sour taste in your mouth - the propaganda (critical reception/fan interaction) worked; Coran doing drugs to ensure the show/war effort’s success was ultimately given a retroactive pass given that the end (disturbingly) seemed to justify the means; they didn’t even really defeat the monster, just kicked it away to not even deal with later. Everyone (aside from Lance maybe) was exhausted by the whole situation but did it just to get the numbers they needed for the rebellion and it worked. Rising body count  in this season aside, this episode really pushed home that they are fighting a war and they will use every weapon in their arsenal to win. War is just as much manipulation of news and images and facts as it is killing people. Coran’s story (the Legend of Voltron) is what people will remember, not the actual facts. This is the truth of their rebellion now and they’re going to have to live with this presentation of their struggle in the future no matter how (seemingly) benign the exaggeration. The episode’s overly humorous (almost frenetic) tone strikes a completely discordant note with the rest of the (actually quite dark and serious) season. The contrast between the laser shows/ice skating/Lance’s aerial acrobatics and the fact that we saw actual on screen deaths throughout the season and witnessed Voltron being particularly brutal while fighting in the season finale just makes it all the more striking. The deaths and seriousness hold more weight because of this contrast but the laughter is also far brighter in turn. Because, despite the fact that (as we are very aware) propaganda can be used for terrible purposes, this episode proves that Voltron is the greatest symbol for hope for the universe and has been sorely needed.

Now, I’m not trying to present this episode as perfect or argue that you have to like it. This episode is disliked by many people for many reasons and everyone’s feelings about it are valid. I just wanted to present an alternate viewpoint. You don’t have to agree with me or take anything I’ve said as gospel truth. Even if you read this and think I have a point but you still don’t like the episode: thank you for at least reading this far.

So, these are just a few things that I wanted to discuss before getting to the character stuff in my next post I really wanted to delve into after season 4. I hope people enjoyed reading it (even if you disagree with everything I said). Feel free to message me/reblog/comment if you like. (I’m a little unsure how to end this - I tend not to start discussions; usually I’m just sliding over some fic and then scuttling back to my hiding place.)

See you in the next post!

[lesmotsincompris]

Thoughts on GoT S07E02

This time I avoided reading other people’s opinions on the episode until I could watch it for myself. I wanted to see which flaws I would notice on my own and which would be more of a ‘fridge logic’ type of thing. So sorry if I’m gonna sound repetitive.

I actually tried to watch the episode live last night, but Brazilian HBO Go crashed for the second Sunday in a row. I can’t help but laugh, this is the one time of the year when most people actually care about HBO and they screw it.

So, the episode. I feel it had higher highers and lower lowers? But it still navigates ‘meh’ waters for the most part. My thoughts on it:

Dragonstone

Dany saying Dragonstone doesn’t feel like home is an interesting concept: how much Westeros is Dany’s home? If not Westeros, then where? What will book!Dany feel when she arrives? What is home, anyway? All great questions, so we know the show won’t explore them.

It’s great to see Daenerys calling Varys on his bullshit, but this should have happened two seasons ago when he first arrived in Meereen, not now that he took care of her city while she was gone and they had a fun cruise together. And again show!Dany basically shrugs away the fact that Varys tried to kill her! Why? What is he bringing to #TeamTargaryen anyway?

See, this is what happens when you cut a character or subplot without thinking of the consequences. Varys’ motivations earlier in the show make sense for a Varys that champions his perfect prince Aegon for the Iron Throne. They cut Aegon, but forgot to adjust Varys’ motivations accordingly and now are having to fix it.

But wait, there’s more! While book!Dany has many qualities that I admire and that can make her a great queen, I don’t feel comfortable backing her claim for the Iron Throne just yet. Just like Stannis had to learn to ‘save the kingdom to win the throne’ and not the other way around, Dany still has to deconstruct the ‘usurper’ narrative and understand why people in Westeros didn’t want the Targaryens anymore. Book!Dany hasn’t done this yet, but neither has show!Dany. On the contrary, the show goes out of its way to emphasize the ‘conquest’ aspect of Dany’s coming to Westeros, with her being a little more pyromaniac than I would like. What makes Varys think she’ll be a better ruler than her father? What makes any of her allies think that?

After careful consideration, Dany decides for starvation instead of burning. A true champion of the people! Yaaahhhs queen! Because that won’t get the innocent killed, I’m sure.

Show!Tyrion is a character I can’t stand anymore. All he does is mansplain things to Daenerys like she was some silly child and play the Reasonable Man™ to murder-happy Strong Female Characters™ Yara, Ellaria, and Olenna. Why is he on #TeamTargaryen? What does he add to the group or Daenerys’ cause? And I’m not even gonna comment on the idiocy of storming Casterly Rock by sea, but hey, this comes from the writers that think you can go around Moat Cailin. Someone should paint a map of Westeros in the writer’s room, just saying.

Olenna is another character I’ll be happy to see gone. What’s with ‘they won’t obey you unless they fear you’? Has she attended the Cersei Lannister School of Leadership too? And what is ‘be a dragon’ even supposed to mean?

Hey, at least Yara expressed her own thoughts this time instead of letting Theon do it. Progress, I guess.

Melisandre took a flight from Plot Airlines and arrived in Dragonstone just to deliver exposition on a prophecy. I love when the writers sudden remember they should have seeded certain things ages ago and expect we won’t notice if they shoehorn it now. Also why is Melisandre so convinced that Dany is hot shit? Because she has a fancy hair and dragons? On the plus side, we got Missandei translating things and that’s always welcome.

Speaking of Missandei, the scene between her and Greyworm was really sweet, if a bit too long. I think this scene worked so well because those two are the only characters in this show that I like with no reservations; everybody else is a jerk to some degree and I can’t bring myself to root for them. Great acting from Jacob Anderson, he did in one scene more than Kit Harrignton and Emilia Clarke do in a whole season. My complaints are Missandei’s lack of underwear (in winter? Really?) and the forced accents.

King’s Landing

Cersei has a point: what reasons do the nobles of Westeros have to believe that Dany won’t be like Aerys? On the other hand, you know who’s also like Aerys? Cersei ‘let’s burn the sept with everyone inside’ Lannister! Ugh, this show.

‘She has three fully grown dragons, my grace’ and Gilly still has a tiny baby, so dragons grow extra fast in this show.

‘It’s a long ride back to the reach’, says Randyll. Yeah, but if you leave now you can be there before the episode is over.

Qyburn follows the Essos Daily twitter account, so he knows details of the fight in Meereen. He also just watched The Hobbit and wants to do a Bard-on-Smaug to Dany’s dragons.

Oldtown

I barely care about book!Jorah, but I certainly don’t care about show!Jorah. He outlived whatever purpose he had in the narrative, I hate how his feelings for Dany are framed as romantic and I hate how the show simply forgot the reason why Jorah was banned from Westeros in first place. Yes, he is dead for his family, for the minor misdemeanor of SELLING PEOPLE FFS. Jorah is an unrepentant slaver and a creepy crush won’t suddenly make him a sympathetic character, quite the opposite.

Jorah’s greyscale moved at the speed of plot, but fortunately didn’t affect his face so that Dany can still love Iain Glen’s looks. I’m glad Dany x Jon are an obvious romantic endgame for the show, because otherwise D&D might actually pair Dany and Jorah.

Last week we had poop montage, this week we have an overly long scene of Sam removing Jorah’s skin. This is what makes bold television and mature entertainment, I guess.

By the way, isn’t greyscale supposed to be on your blood or something? It isn’t exactly a skin condition that can be cured by just removing the skin, or I’m sure other people would have tried it before. This treatment makes no sense, but when has that ever stopped the writers?

Winterhell

Sam’s raven arrived in Winterfell ridiculously fast, but it almost seems too slow compared to Dany’s raven. And I’m guessing nobody at the Wall bothered sending a raven saying that Bran is alive and well and coming their way ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Of course Sansa thinks Tyrion is the best. Who doesn’t think Tyrion is the best? He didn’t rape her, isn’t that the nicest thing a man can do for you? Ugh.

Again the writers’ choice to create conflict between the Stark siblings is to skip pre-meeting and make them argue in front of everyone. Again Sansa and Jon disagree because the plot needs them to disagree. Again the crowd cheers whoever is speaking.

Jon didn’t want to be king, he says. He just accepted it, he says. I can’t explain how much I hate this trope. Bad writers everywhere seem to believe that a good leader is the guy that doesn’t want to be a leader, because ambition is evil so a guy that wants to be leader must be evil. This is all levels of stupid and there’s no faster way to make sure somebody will do a lousy job than forcing them to do a job they don’t want to do.

We’ve moved on from trashing Stannis post-death to trashing Catelyn post-death. Ugh.

Somewhere in the Riverlands

Arya’s meeting with Hot Pie was weird. Hot Pie’s presence feels more like an easter egg than two old friends seeing each other after a long time. Maisie Williams is usually a great actor, but she’s been acting quite stiff this season. Maybe it’s D&D’s tradition of thinking that Strong Female Characters™ show no emotions?

Arya ‘heard’ Cersei is queen, but when she left Westeros Cersei was also queen, so...? It seems everybody gets their news super fast except for Arya. Maybe the cell phone signal at the Riverlands isn’t very good? Okay that Arya doesn’t know the Starks rule Winterfell again, but why didn’t she tried to go to the Wall as soon as she arrived in Westeros?

I hate that this is called ‘Battle of the Bastards’ in universe. It’s a stupid name on its own, but makes even less sense from a watsonian perspective. To call it ‘Battle of the Bastards’ is to make this a personal fight between Jon and Ramsay, but that’s not what it was. It was a battle for Winterfell and the North, a battle between Starks and Boltons even. Jon and Ramsay haven’t even met before that.

Nymeria showed up to announce that the show is officially cutting their husky-in-a-direwolf-body CGI budget. That scene felt super contrived and just made me angry at the writers. In the books we know Arya and Nymeria will meet again, and we know their connection is still strong, because Martin had been foreshadowing this for ages. In the show we never heard of Nymeria after season 1 and now she just showed up to say she won’t show up anymore.

Somewhere in the sea

I think the show reached a new level of racism, exotification and hypersexualization of PoC with “foreign invasion”. Good thing D&D won’t be showrunners for an upcoming tv show where the South won the Civil War. Can you imagine?

Yallaria didn’t live to its hype. Yara is bisexual, because of course a character that flirts with everyone is bisexual.

To whoever thought it would be a good idea to have the Sand Snakes as catty and childish murder-happy women: don’t.

The battle was confusing. Not only the lighting was terrible but also for the most part I couldn’t make sense of who was fighting for what side. Euron hired some Destruction mages from Skyrim so he could use Fireballs against the Sand Snakes. Maybe they’ll replace the dragonhorn with Odahviing?

It’s painfully obvious the showrunners want Euron to be scary, a Ramsay 2.0. and Joffrey 3.0. He even has a mustache to twirl! That’s only because they clearly can’t write a story without an obvious and defined human villain, who must be MOAR EVUHL than his predecessors. I won’t be surprised if we see Euron spitting on puppies and peeing on flowers. Sigh… This is just ridiculous.

Book!Euron is scary, but because we have subtle hints of his monstrosity. He’s a human villain, the last great human villain of ASOIAF, but he stitches the magical and the political arcs together. Show!Euron is just the same edginess and sadism we’ve seen before with other overused villains, now with a really silly appearance.

The plot needs Theon’s trauma to exist again, so Theon’s trauma exists again. I’m all for exploring PTSD and traumatic experiences on fiction, but that doesn’t mean you can ignore the trauma until it’s convenient for the plot or scream it away like Yara did last season.

I’m sure no misogyny will come from Euron having Yara and Ellaria captive. 

Extra comments

After months of studying, I think I finally figured the laws of succession in D&D’s Westeros: whoever is the closest named character is automatically the heir. See: Cersei in King’s Landing, Ellaria in Dorne, Edd in the Night’s Watch...

What’s with the funny editing? You know the thing, they show something gross, then show food that looks a lot like the gross thing… Come on, guys, you’re not twelve.

(maybe they are? That would explain A LOT)

Once more they’re not even trying with the costumes and wigs. Sansa’s wig in particular is so bad it’s distracting.

What’s with the forced accents? Why every time a character is supposed to be ~foreign~ they go with a generic broken English accent? If you want a different accent than the main cast, make them use an American accent! Why not?

What happened to Stannis’ men? Was this ever, like, explained?

So that was it, another hour with stuff happening.

[the-firebird69]

Pyramids

I take your advice and fire up the Shapes on a regular basis i heard the interest they said keep doing it until we meet opposition. And we understand the dangers but these are so intolerable it's gross.

Hitting now, firing all main reactors. Juicing waiting, hitting. We let it run, higher it goes up, firing, and down charging, hitting, firing up secondary reactors, huge billows of steam Rise tons of moisture. Do much it will help yiu breath. Firing up all main reactors globally. Massive crowds assemble outside its range, show fear, rush in not out, heard you no, it's exhilaration they feel gives them a boost, usually happens to them, it's hard to resist. Like being really horny

And he does resist similar all day and night. Tons of times.

The entire crowd follows, curious and content it's safe feel exhilarated, run in. Fire weapons at it it bounces off or is destroyed we hear doit again. They fire bigones the same way hit more then. Try harder maybe higher??

They get knocked out... It hits here, all around here.

We fire the short haul crew gay jackass macs disguised as blacks.

Continue coming we continue killing, what idiots race in like idiots to tell us

....... So your dead.

They fire up to max hit they fall, huge gashes in some as raw metal was right next to them. Giant things stuck in them they were working on.... Antenae stuck right through them

Massive coronary from following bja diet, huge pieces of fecal matter in thier shorts usually discolored or halfdigested. Mega gas in thier decomposing bodies from sugar and bad as hard water grows bacteria.

Massive wounds fromstomachs exploding afyer being dead for only minutes.

Animals have been found eating them but as if sick and continuing. We haul them in clean them up and give them job's. Usually quite sick. Cats and dogs survive better than these old imbiciles.

Giant piles of crap on the floor as corky forgot to pay rent or too cheap to buy a plunger.

It's sick these are very sick too, far too many diseases to be near him not to mention on top of him as they threaten, having beer w them got them all riled up, tons found the time to drink. Huge piles of fecal matter by the road where lots had to stop 3-4" High, 10-12" around empties them all out.

We find it atrocious. All fags here gross comments all day and it's non productive just repeats.

No more ppl please. No more. Mine.

Thor

We hear you and demand ours come forwards and explain why

Olympus

They say it's death and can't help it. We research it some of it is mostly they use it as cover or a motif or like abusing him and are oblivious.

Arrianne

A class a answer

Thor

They think it works, have been what they think they call"using it" to take over... Threats on me to hit thier father in turn those threats used for wwiii or other. They say it's concealment and moreso a constant threat, feel the threats will leed to a wmd detonating of thier own and war would begin. The constant threats used to signal threats on ours as they use a tight analogy to my body to my ppl. Issue actual orders with it as they may try to tommorow if Trump's impeachment is handed to the Senate this validating it, trial or not it is then a valid impeachment by the house house being analagous to this house and where ours live, documents drafted, units sent

Volunteers now accepting for this task from hunting issuers and enforcers to house ours to seeking persons who hire ppl to

Trillions and more roll in. This one and freeing ours are open ended and voluntary conscription into our formal ranks.. now accepting for the above. We track allours volunteering now send them greetings and instructions and announce instructions now

Tons of threats for the orders purpose and all blatantly obvious. It's like being in the jungle surrounded by sick chimps. Do this and this only. Try to overcome they leave it on even if it's petty stuff they shouldn't do

Yimmer yammer all day to harrass have me Yammer I hit them here with it and nearby

Lately I couldn't bear it death on them not fast enough for me to eat properly enough as they addictively try to incarcerate me as a way of ammassing power for a few and to send orders.. usually both always resulted in thier failure in the past

None of them acknowledge the failures occured none have recolection of living in any of the places he was in, most make it up.

Tons of errant calls and idiot statements to threaten me and try to hospitalize or imprison and now both to kidnap me to DC for a rigged trial probably using Trump as he hates us for our role in his life Mac had us do.

And connecting me a youngster with evil characters and top brass to be threatened coerced etc for an unending amount of time

Physical abuse daiky walking me excessively trying to incurr disease death threats for stress bad food wrong food cutting off things or trying too ie turkey, reducing caloric intake after working out reducing oxygen often serious bug bites lots of times. Warts infesting me all as threats for things we

NEVER DO

We never comply never provide. Never

The threats are to deconstruct your rhealm. Reduce your forces and standard of living and power to start wwiii.

But

Mostly I am abused severly at times, daily. And my income is always threatened such a teensy fraction of what I'm owed, standard I kiving low very low atmosphere very hostile Joe is half orc is violent has a gun is sickly angry due to his poor treatment, Preston I'll from plastic poisoning and on blue is angry large and his person has killed millions by hand over the past few years. Others here abused tortured HV hair triggers are called guns threaten me.

No war only me getting out down constantly turned away stolen from a bit and I sit doing nothing but my work you lose to but I'm threatened with

A ball injury imnever happy with killing quadrillians if you s for as you never let me up and simply don't do any of the killing now just bother me too not allow yours to live in any capacity to recover with

And you deteriorate now quickly your mental status is very poor angry suicidal and you go out shooting ppl as monsters to vent. We allow it as we sponsor it.

But my personal time is bill, I'm numb or in painno emotion usually definitely not allowed to feel good mb a second here and there on purpose held off me.

Push me taunt to get a reactionthreats to do stuff i always counterman or detonate destroy including your here escape vehicles, nukes wmd DOOMSDAY and anything you can war using including comm just to get you louses off me so I can eat or shower so hearing stupid crap for hours.

You need to stop coming here thinking threats on me bear fruit or stay ing fmdoung it. Your leadership turned into cats and eaten as cakes. Mostly nuke your own stuff and are incinerated doing so.

What I'm saying is in English and easy to read comprehend and verify, yeh, you s do all this, deconstruct as Mac planned fight for DOOMSDAY for one idiot, but, in your threatening I'm forced to have your escape methods erased, your wmd and somuch more and you still can't figure it out

Are you stupid s??.

Zues

It gets broken we put u in the middle as we did with the Ukraine.

Mac

Without heat no fire without fire no smoke without potential for massive fire no firemen. Dork

Zues

I finally figured it iut you say a few hotspots sufficed then Ukraine then infight then we stalked blaming no war on yiu tards do it religiously, a gig. But for real yes they do. Ours use real stuff. Not just wackung the same idiots at the ymtoop.

True too we come dn onhimit hurts

Mac2

So you see. Problem being too late. No ody of mine wants to live like me and I'm very valuable most don't want to live like me if they are really smart most. It's so fantastically assinine I'm amazed any s is alive, vulgar. Ohh we don't need to pay you a dime, cuz ull do it regardless.... How so, any human being treated as such might not but I'm familiar emwith your sophomoric method. Stockhlm and a couple other cheese sticks

What you HV smdone has caused half or more of yiur s to die the majority of mine I those areas cleared safe now, away from you.

And yet you persist, ignorant to most math and other. Foma basic human standpoint most would plot to burn pc to the ground just due to the call letters I'm a very intolerant person and meaner than ghwb but other govts will pay me not spit on me. Do Macs fuck off. Die be proud you started a war between our kinds be knowledgeable that your losing, cry out yell like corky, demand and lose.

Keep being a loser I mean don't you see?? You gotta do what your doing now have to it helps me and mine.

We plow through your ranks in the Midwest closing city agmfter city, crushed the north, it began falling grabbed the south it weakened, blasted the north the Midwest caves now we almost have it all cleared zapping in progress, the north teeters he says take weakin the Midwest, we did, oh yeh the upper Midwest, we shall, then work a patch work, thanks Macs helpful and refreshing

Thor

Zues mostly my story above

[amwritingmeta]

13x04: Peel Back the Layers, Dean Winchester

So, many of us - if not all - have been flailing over this image, hoping against all hope that it would be tied somehow to Dean shedding his performing side and allowing himself to just be himself. BAMF dirt under his fingernails caring loving soft hunter that he is. And, of course, that is EXACTLY what this image is tied to. I say this way way way too much on this blog but here it comes for the nosebleed section: mind fucking blown to bits.

*they are giving us everything* *prostrate position on the floor*

Let me extrapolate and dig into the the feminine/masculine theme, which has always been present on this show, but that is focused on in interesting ways this season. 

So, I realised how closely linked this theme is with Dean’s character progression when I wrote my 4x05 meta and in that episode - Monster Movie - the entire narrative, as I see it, revolves around this theme, and the thematic question of Who Am I? Yeah, not much has changed since those days, has it? (thank goodness) (because they’re about to let Dean answer that question for himself) (*tap dancing across tables*)

Here’s how I see it -->

The Feminine, simply put, is Dean’s non-performing side

The Masculine - the toxically so - is Dean’s performing side

When these two find balance with each other that balance will cancel out the toxic masculinity and Dean will be free to be himself, which is a combination of the good qualities of his feminine side and the good qualities of his masculine side. Dean will always be Dean, but he’ll be able to embrace his feelings, his inner nurturer and caretaker: his mothering side, if you will. This while rejecting the toxic masculinity that keeps his need for control so prevalent, that keeps him from trusting, putting his faith in others and believing himself worthy of others putting their trust and faith in him, of good things happening to him, of salvation and a long and happy life.

So, then. What does all this have to do with a shifter peeling his face off?

Well, ironically it’s a shifter that first brought the masculine/feminine theme to my attention, because a shifter with a skewed sense of self takes the focus of the 4x05 narrative, where he’s one of the prominent representatives of toxic masculinity. In 13x04, our shifter - Buddy - takes on that role in an even more on-the-nose portrayal as Buddy literally embodies everything that makes toxic masculinity so... toxic.

Buddy is controlling, selfish, compulsive, obsessive, violent, destructive. Poisonous. I mean, they could not have made it clearer that this male figure is not someone to emulate. He ruins lives for the fun of it. He dresses himself in the skin of loved ones, pretending to be someone to be trusted, only to get close to his intended victim in order to kill them, which to me rings out like a gong of a metaphor for Dean’s self-blame, as Dean’s reliance on Cas and inability to be open and honest with him about where that reliance stems from - to Dean - is most likely the reason Cas is dead. (and narratively it kinda is) (sorry Dean) (tell the people you love that you love them) (or show them) (or make sure they know you want them to stay with you) (and they’re not just a weapon)

So what made me think of Buddy as a Dean mirror - apart from the face peel?

Well, let’s take a look at two Dean Winchester moments in this episode that stand out to me in this context:

*sloth slow eyebrow raise*

These two distinct moments are both all demonstrative of how Dean is utterly rejecting his feminine side. 

Both times - no, let me repeat that - BOTH TIMES in direct relation to a mention of John, when Sam calls Dean out for “starting to sound like dad”, Dean responding “is that a bad thing?” (!!!YES IT IS DEAN!!!), and then Sam mentions John in relation to keeping a journal, which John did, and Dean rejects as not the same thing [because John’s journal was for fact keeping, not jotting down girly feelings]. 

He not only separates himself from the feminine - but John, too.

I mean, obviously he would do that.

But what is this season doing if not forcing Dean to take a good, hard, long look at exactly why he’s putting up a facade, at exactly how his idolatry of his father has informed his personality to such a degree that its become an armour to dress himself in? This season is about deconstructing John as much as it is about deconstructing Dean, but it’s the John inside Dean’s head that needs deconstructing, just as Mary did in S12. Mary was allowed to become flesh and bone, a real human being, a person, with wants and needs of her own.

“I am your mother - but I am not just a mom.”

It’s time for the ghost of John that Dean has kept alive in his head - however subconscious the keeping alive has been - to have its bones salted and burned.

Realising that his mother is her own person, no matter how much she’s still searching for her true identity as well, is the stepping stone for Dean realising the same of his father. That the ghost traces of John kept alive inside Dean is kept alive through Dean’s perceptions, and misconceptions, of John Winchester. 

As children, we rarely actually know our parents. We know them as our parents, but it’s always hard to view their flaws as part of their humanity, their mistakes and bad choices as part of their struggles, their life journey, their life progression - a progression that, fundamentally, is actually separate from our own. Just as it can be equally difficult for a parent to remember this about their child. Well, to simplify something as complex as this topic, because, of course, there are as many different circumstances informing the parent-child bond as there are parents with kids, so all I can really draw on here is my reading of Dean and where he’s at right now in his individual arc. 

And where he’s at is needing to see that his convictions of who he needs to be in order to keep Sammy safe - and, by extension, the world - which has been the root of Dean’s whole sense of self, the root for his identity up until now, is based on the influences of his father, absolutely, but that Dean is choosing to perpetuate this conviction. It’s Dean’s choice to put on this suit of armour because he’s been brought up to believe that feelings are weaknesses, and without the suit of armour he not only feels things too damn acutely (too big a heart and all that), but he also fears that not wearing this armour - this performance - means he can’t protect anyone, which leaves him not knowing who he is or how to behave or what his purpose is or what his worth could possibly be. 

He has to realise that he was brought up to be the hammer, but innately he’s the shield - and just as much the protector because of it. 

Dean has to understand that he can choose not to put on that armour and it will not affect who he is, because the armour was always a facade, it does not inform his personality in the slightest. He has always been him, he’s just been tied down by fear and insecurity and doubt. He’s allowed others (the influence of his father, as influenced by his marine background, heavily influenced by societal norms) to dictate who he can be, who he should be, and yes, this exact thematic focus keeps being hit on again and again this season.

Again and again and again.

There is no weird, everyone’s normal in their own way.

You are who you choose to be.

You try to force it down to make someone else happy, you’ll only make yourself miserable.

Dean is by 13x04 in a glorious place. I do so love it here. I like to call it the Cusp. He is right on the Cusp, peeps. And I’m dancing.

Anyway, back to the episode.

We have the Toxic Masculinity Representative, right?

Oh, yeah. Big time.

And what else do we have? We have the strong, kickass, smart, no-nonsense representative of awesomeness. (oops I mean Femininity.) Because Mia takes one look at Dean, at his performance, at his anger, his bottled up emotions, his rejecting his brother because Sam is consistently being open and honest and pushing for openness and honesty, for Dean to take the healthy approach, Mia sums all of this up in about ten seconds flat, tries to prod Dean into opening up and when he lashes out (”ever since I was a little girl” he says to the narrative representative of his feminine side and it’s fucking beautiful, to my mind) Mia doesn’t waste a beat before she calls him out on his behaviour.

On how he’s taking his anger out on Sam and how his performance, his armour, is making it impossible for him to relate to Sam, and how his brother truly is grieving as well. And she calls him out on how his performance is rendering Jack - aka the representative of change and reaching balance - petrified of him. (oh yeah Dean is fighting this transformation) (because it is scary as all hell) (because there’s no reason for this transformation anymore) (because Cas is gone) (so there is no long and happy future) (well... wait for it, Dean... wait for it... have a little patience...) 

Now let’s move into the most significant moment of this episode, which just serves to hammer all of the feminine/masculine theme home to me -->

Not only is Mia empathic, nurturing and caring (she wants to help) - she also gets to visually step into the good mother role (one of the strongest symbols of positive femininity throughout this show) as she shifts into the shape of Kelly, allowing Jack one final moment with his mother and telling him that even monsters can do good, allowing Jack to have a newfound sense of faith in himself - of course leading right to him being able to save Sam. 

Then, after shedding the outer layer of Dean Winchester - very, very visually tying himself to Dean Winchester - Buddy the Shifter begins to spew his poison, focusing primarily on how he resents her for leaving him, believing she could make a life for herself without him, and now he’s there to destroy that life. He’s going to make her kill again.

Translation: the toxic masculinity is telling the strong, kickass femininity that she’s worthless without him, dictating to her who she is and that she will never be rid of him, and all this, we know, is because of the mistakes she’s made in the past, where she let him rule her life, guide her onto the wrong path and influence her.

Yeah, Dean. Suck on that. LOOK AT HIS FACE! (I love his face)

And what does the strong, kickass femininity do? She does this -->

She says Hell No. You will not tell me who I am, not ever again. I will not listen to you, be beaten down by you or succumb to you, not ever again. I would rather die - wholly myself - than follow you anywhere ever again. 

This effectively does what? It nullifies Dean’s performance-fuelled notion that all things female are associated with weakness, with being submissive and taking orders - never doling them out, because look at this BAMF female, standing up for herself like a goddamn warrior.

Now, what is truly intriguing to me is that Dean stays cuffed in this scene - cuffed by Buddy, no less - and Jack can’t get him loose, Jack can’t do anything, until Sam’s in danger. Sam, who is representative of what? The supportive, empathic, increasingly balanced guardian figure, whose honestly caring about Jack, trying his best to guide him. Here’s the most intriguing part: Sam is the one to shoot the toxic masculinity representative.

Back in good old 4x05, the Girl of the Week - Jamie (representing strong, kickass femininity) - shoots the shifter (toxic masculinity), but in that episode the shifter also puts Dean in bonds that he can’t get out of, needing Sam’s help. I’m getting the increasingly overwhelming feeling that Dean truly needs Sam to push him into the next stage of his character development, and it’s small wonder - Dean has functioned as Sam’s parental figure, but Sam is an adult now, and isn’t it time Sam got to confront his childhood influence as much as it’s time for Dean to confront John? 

Sam providing Dean with the final bolt in the machinery that sets him on a path of no return, where Dean will have to face the questions Who am I? and Who do I want to be? head on makes absolute sense to me. Protect Sammy has been Dean’s inner motto since Dean was four years old. Sam doesn’t need protecting anymore, Sam is stepping up to be Dean’s equal, so it would make for a rather beautiful bookend to Dean’s internal journey if the root motto, instilled in him by John, is shattered and left behind thanks to Sam’s good influence.

But I’ll dig into that in another post.

Oh, also, I just love these blues, purples and pinks (and the fact that the only real splash of colour in the first scene set in Mia’s office is a bright pink flower) (yeah they’re going all out with the pink and blue makes purple symbolism) (with splashes of yellow thrown in for good measure) (wonder why...) -->

There’s a bald eagle in a child’s drawing on the wall (unless my eyes deceive me). The eagle represents freedom and the courage to look ahead, and not only is it - as a national symbol - such a fantastic tie-back to the US itself, where equality, acceptance and democratic freedom is under attack at the moment, but it’s also related to this:

During the Sun Dance, which is practiced by many Plains Indian tribes, the eagle is represented in several ways. During the dance, a medicine man may direct his fan, which is made of eagle feathers, to people who seek to be healed. The medicine man touches the fan to the center pole and then to the patient, in order to transmit power from the pole to the patient. The fan is then held up toward the sky, so that the eagle may carry the prayers for the sick to the Creator.

I just thought this ^^^ was lovely - related to this painting or not - because this season feels like it’s so, so much about healing, about becoming whole.

M’kay, byeeeeeee.

[didanawisgi]

“When I became an anarchist I was 18, depressed, anxious, and ready to save the world. I moved in with other anarchists and worked at a vegetarian co-op cafe. I protested against student tuition, prison privatization, and pipeline extensions. I had lawyer’s numbers sharpied on my ankle and I assisted friends who were pepper-sprayed at demos. I tabled zines, lived with my “chosen family,” and performed slam poems about the end of the world. While my radical community was deconstructing gender, monogamy, and mental health, we lived and breathed concepts and tools like call-outs, intersectionality, cultural appropriation, trigger warnings, safe spaces, privilege theory, and rape culture.

What is a radical community? For the purposes of this article, I will define it as a community that shares both an ideology of complete dissatisfaction with existing society due to its oppressive nature and a desire to radically alter or destroy that society because it cannot be redeemed by its own means. I eventually fell out with my own radical community. The ideology and the people within it had left me a burned and disillusioned wreck. As I deprogrammed, I watched a diluted version of my radical ideology explode out of academia and become fashionable: I watched the Left become woke.

Commentators have skewered social justice activists on the toxicity of the woke mindset. This is something that many radicals across North America are aware ofand are trying to understand. Nicholas Montgomery and Carla Bergman’s Joyful Militancy (JM), published last year, is the most thorough look at radical toxicity from a radical perspective (full disclosure: I very briefly met Nick Montgomery years ago. My anarchist clique did not like his anarchist clique). As they say, “there is a mild totalitarian undercurrent not just in call-out culture but also in how progressive communities police and define the bounds of who’s in and who’s out.”

Montgomery and Bergman see radical toxicity as an exogenous issue. They do not wonder whether radicalism itself could be malignant. As a result, their proposed solutions are limp and abstract, like “increasing sensitivity and inhabiting situations more fully.” Perhaps this is because the solutions all exist beyond the boundaries of radical thought. As Jonathan Haidt has pointed out, “morality binds and blinds.”

Unfortunately, toxicity in radical communities is not a bug. It is a feature. The ideology and norms of radicalism have evolved to produce toxic, paranoid, depressed subjects. What follows is a picture of what happens in communities that are passionately, sincerely, radically woke, as seen from the perspective of an apostate.

Faith

Commentators have accurately noted how social justice seems to take the form of a religion. This captures the meaning and fulfilment I found in protests and occupations. It also captures how, outside of these harrowing festivals, everyday life in radical communities is mundane but pious. As a radical activist, much of my time was devoted to proselytizing. Non-anarchists were like pagans to be converted through zines and wheatpasted posters rather than by Bible and baptism. When non-radicals listened to my assertions that nazis deserved death, that all life had devolved into spectacle, and that monogamy was a capitalist social construct, they were probably bewildered instead of enticed.

Instead of developing a relationship to God and a recognition of one’s own imperfection, we wanted our non-anarchist families and friends to develop their “analysis” and recognize their complicity in the evil of capitalism. These non-anarchist friends grew increasingly sparse the longer I was an anarchist. They didn’t see how terrible the world was, and they used problematic language that revealed hopelessly bad politics. Frustrated with them, I retreated further and further into the grey echo-chamber of my “chosen family.”

Trent Eady says of his own radicalism in Montreal, “When I was part of groups like this, everyone was on exactly the same page about a suspiciously large range of issues.” When my friends and I did have theoretical disagreements, they tended towards the purely strategic or to philosophical minutiae. Are cops human? If we pay attention to the few white nationalists in town, will that stir them up? Is polyamory queer, or privileged?

Deep and sincere engagement with opposing points of view is out of the question. Radicalism is like a clan too suspicious of outsiders to abandon cousin marriage, and, like incestuous offspring, radicalism’s intellectual offspring accumulate genetic load. Narrow theories must perform increasingly convoluted explanations of the world. For example, Montgomery and Bergman describe Michael Hardt and Antonio Negri’s use of the term “Empire,” in their book of the same name, as both a miasma that “accumulates and spreads sadness” and an anthropomorphized figure that “works to usher its subjects into flimsy relationships where nothing is at stake and to infuse intimacy with violence and domination.”

No worldview maps reality perfectly. But when a worldview encounters discordant knowledge, it can either evolve to accommodate it, or it can treat it as a threat to the worldview’s integrity. If a worldview treats all discordant knowledge as threat, then it is an ideology. Its adherents learn to see themselves as guardians rather than seekers of the truth. The practical consequences of such a worldview can be devastating.

Fear

When I became an anarchist, I was a depressed and anxious teenager, in search of answers. Radicalism explained that these were not manageable issues with biological and lifestyle factors, they were the result of living in capitalist alienation. For, as Kelsey Cham C notes, “This whole world is based on fucking misery” and “In capitalist systems, we’re not meant to feel joy.” Radicalism not only finds that all oppressions intersect, but so does all suffering. The force that causes depression is the same that causes war, domestic abuse, and racism. By accepting this framework, I surrendered to an external locus of control. Personal agency in such a model is laughable. And then, when I became an even less happy and less strong person over the years as an anarchist, I had an explanation on hand.

There is an overdeveloped muscle in radicalism: the critical reflex. It is able to find oppression behind any mundanity. Where does this critical reflex come from? French philosopher Paul Ricœur famously coined the term “school of suspicion” to describe Marx, Nietzsche, and Freud’s drive to uncover repressed meaning in text and society. Today’s radicals have inherited this drive by way of Foucault and other Marxo-Nietzscheans.

As radicals, we lived in what I call a paradigm of suspicion, one of the malignant ideas that emerge as a result of intellectual in-breeding. We inherited familial neuroses and saw insidious oppression and exploitation in all social relationships, stifling our ability to relate to others or ourselves without cynicism. Activists anxiously pore over interactions, looking for ways in which the mundane conceals domination. To see every interaction as containing hidden violence is to become a permanent victim, because if all you are is a nail, everything looks like a hammer.

The paradigm of suspicion leaves the radical exhausted and misanthropic, because any action or statement can be shown with sufficient effort to hide privilege, a microaggression, or unconscious bias. Quoted in JM, the anarchist professor Richard Day proposes “infinite responsibility”: “we can never allow ourselves to think that we are ‘done,’ that we have identified all of the sites, structures, and processes of oppression ‘out there’ or ‘in here,’ inside our own individual and group identities.” Infinite responsibility means infinite guilt, a kind of Christianity without salvation: to see power in every interaction is to see sin in every interaction. All that the activist can offer to absolve herself is Sisyphean effort until burnout. Eady’s summarization is simpler: “Everything is problematic.”

This effort is not only directed at the self, but also outwards. Morality and politics are intertwined in this system so that good politics become indicative of good morality. Montgomery and Bergman skewer this tendency mercilessly: “To remain pious, the priest must reveal new sins … The new Other is the not-radical-enough, the liberal, the perpetrator, the oppressor.” Because one’s good moral standing can never be guaranteed, the best way to maintain it is to attack the moral standing of others. As Montgomery and Bergman point out, this is also a thrilling and actionable alternative to the discouragement that haunts radicals after each loss in conflict with capitalism and the state. This is how cliques and status games emerge in communities that purport to be opposed to all hierarchy, turning people into what Freddie DeBoer once dubbed “offense archaeologists.”

Bland friendships and events are the result. Conversations are awkward and tense as radicals contort to avoid the risk of hurting each other. As an anarchist, I did not engage with individuals as individuals, but as porcelain, always thinking first and foremost of the group identities we inhabited.

Escape from the paradigm of suspicion is hindered by kafkatrapping: the idea that opposition to the radical viewpoint proves the radical viewpoint. Minorities who question it have internalized their oppression, and privileged individuals who question it prove their guilt. The only thing radicals are not suspicious of is the need for relentless suspicion. As Haidt and Greg Lukianoff write of similar norms on campuses, “If someone wanted to create an environment of perpetual anger and intergroup conflict, this would be an effective way to do it.”

Failure Modes

Radical communities select for particular personality types. They attract deeply compassionate people, especially young people attuned to the suffering inherent to existence. They attract hurt people, looking for an explanation for the pain they’ve endured. And both of these derive meaning for that suffering by attributing it to the force that they now dedicate themselves to opposing. They are no longer purely a victim, but an underdog.

However, radical communities also attract people looking for an excuse to be violent illegalists. And the surplus of vulnerable and compassionate people attracts sadists and abusers ready to exploit them. The only gatekeeping that goes on in radical communities is that of language and passion—if you can rail against capitalism in woke language, you’re in.

Every group of people has some mixture of stable, vulnerable, and predatory individuals. That radicals have a poor mix does not doom them. However, radicals also dismiss longstanding norms that would protect them, in favour of experimental norms. They are built with the best intentions and are aimed at solving real problems. But intentions do not matter if one does not consider incentives and human nature.

Abusers thrive in radical communities because radical norms are fragile and exploitable. A culture of freewheeling drug and alcohol use creates situations predators are waiting to exploit. A cultural fetishization of violence provides cover for violent and unstable people. The practice of public “call-outs” is used for power-plays far more often than for constructive feedback. Radicals value responding to claims of harm with compassion and belief. But abusers exploit this the way children exploit parents and teachers—crybullying becomes a way of punishing opponents or prey. While norms such as “believe claimed victims” are important in families and close friendships where trust and accountability are real, they become weapons in amorphous communities.

One particular practice illustrates this well. The accountability process is a subcultural institution whereby survivors can make demands of perpetrators and the community must hold them accountable. Radicals are hesitant to report abusers and rapists to the police, for fear of subjecting comrades to the prison system. But turning victims into judge and jury and shared friends into executioners is a recipe for injustice that satisfies no one. And in light of the instant truth-value given to claims of abuse, accountability processes are an oddly perfect weapon for actual abusers. As one writer for the zine the Broken Teapot says, “The past few years I have watched with horror as the language of accountability became an easy front for a new generation of emotional manipulators. It’s been used to perfect a new kind of predatory maverick—the one schooled in the language of sensitivity—using the illusion of accountability as community currency.”

Entanglement with such an individual is what finally broke me from my own dogmatism. Having somebody yell at me that if I didn’t admit to being a white supremacist her friends might beat me up and that I should pay her for her emotional labor, was too much for my ideology to spin. The internal crisis it induced led to gradual disillusion. In the end, however, this was the greatest gift I could ask for.

Flight

What is the alternative to radicalism, for the disillusioned radical? She could abandon the project and commit talent and energy elsewhere. Flee the cult. As Michael Huemer says, “Fighting for a cause has significant costs. Typically, one expends a great deal of time and energy, while simultaneously imposing costs on others, particularly those who oppose one’s own political position … In many cases, the effort is expended in bringing about a policy that turns out to be harmful or unjust. It would be better to spend one’s time and energy on aims that one knows to be good.” Slow, patient steps are a more reliable road to a better world than dramatic gestures that backfire as often as not. Conversation is less romantic than confrontation, small business ownership than Steal Something From Work Day, soup kitchens than vandalism. If an individual wants to end suffering, she should think hard about why she’s joined communities that glamorize violence, vengeance, and anti-intellectualism. Having left that scene, I am amazed at how much effort we put into making the world a more painful and difficult place than it is in service of a post-revolutionary utopia.

Radicals should take stock of the progress liberal democracies have made. As Steven Pinker points out in The Better Angels of Our Nature, nobody in the West has an argument for wife-beating or denying women the vote anymore. Infant mortality rates have cratered, and extreme poverty rates are falling precipitously. With trends like these and more, liberal capitalism appears less like the arch-nemesis of humanity, and more like a miracle machine. It could even be improved by the compassion and devotion of former radicals. It is worth noting that this progress does not mean that exploitation and oppression have been solved; but it does mean that our current society is the only one to have made significant inroads against them.

Most of all, radicals should learn to abandon false truths. The only way to escape dogmatism is to resist the calcification and sanctification of values, and to learn from the wisdom of different perspectives. As Haidt argues, there are grains of truth in opposing political positions. Radicals do themselves a disservice by seeing the world of thought outside the radical monoculture as tainted with reaction and evil. There is a rich diversity of thought awaiting them if they would only open their minds to it. One of the achievements of liberalism has been a norm of free speech wherein individuals can both share and consume that spectrum of thought. Every new and challenging school of thought I discovered after anarchism rocked my worldview, as somebody who formerly thought that wisdom could only be found through “the struggle” or in esoteric French theory. Even if opposing views are not assimilated, the ability to contend with them on the intellectual field instead of silencing them is a sign of a seeker of the truth, not a guardian.

Young adults often become radicals after they realize the immensity of the cruelty and malevolence in the world. They reject a society that tolerates such suffering. They sanctify justice as their telos. But without truth to orient justice, seekers of justice will crash and crash again into reality, and will craft increasingly nightmarish and paranoid ideological analyses, burning out activists, destroying lives through jail or abuse, and leaving the world an uglier, more painful place. To paraphrase Alice Dreger, there is no justice without wisdom, and no wisdom without surrender to uncertainty in the pursuit of truth.”

Conor Barnes is a student, writer, and poet. His writing has also appeared in Areo Magazine and the Mantle. You can follow him on Twitter @ideopunk