#I don't like it. root beer is the only kind I can really stand and I'm like. seriously considering it

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

so I've decided that maybe I shouldn't try to work through mental emotional and spiritual issues while on my period

[homomenhommes]

STORY: Dominated

by Brock Archer

Mid afternoon, Sunday

'Wake up, Dude. They're back. Wake up.' Of course, I didn't want to wake up at that point. I wanted to continue floating on the clouds.

'Who the hell told you that you could remove those restraints?' a somewhat familiar voice barked somewhere in the canyons of my head. When I finally managed to get my eyes open, I realized that the sergeant had returned with the corporal and the private in tow. What really threw me, though, was seeing Speed and Dusty standing over me naked. They were completely dressed when I fell asleep. Why were they naked now?

'Sorry, Sarge,' responded Speed, 'but you did say that we could do whatever we wanted to him, and it was kind of hard to fuck him real good with him tied up like that and all.' Speed was covering for me. He and Dusty had stripped down so that they could feed the sergeant a line about why they had untied me.

'All right. It's just as well,' growled the sergeant. He's gonna need to be unshackled anyway for what I've got in store for him.' Sarge walked up to me and grabbed me by the throat. 'You think you can wipe your filthy little tongue on me and get away with it? Well, I'll show you, you sorry little pissant. I was gonna come back here and beat the fuckin' crap out of you, but I came up with a better idea. For the rest of the day, you're gonna be Bull's love slave. He hasn't gotten a piece of your ass yet, but now he's gonna fuck you bloody raw, ain't that right, Bull?'

'Yes, sir, Sarge. You know I always follow orders.'

'How come I smell beer on the dipshit's breath?' snarled the sergeant.

'Oh, well, here's the thing,' prattled Speed, grasping helplessly for an explanation.

'Yeah, the thing is,' interrupted Dusty, 'the motherfucker's breath stank like a goddam sewer.'

'Yeah, a goddam sewer,' added Speed, picking up on Dusty's cue. 'So we poured some beer into his mouth and made him rinse it out.'

'Well, OK. That's good, boys. Carry on.'

While Bull, Sarge, and Sport stripped, Dusty leaned over and whispered in my ear, 'I ain't gonna lie to ya, bro. This is gonna hurt like hell. Believe me, we know! But you can take it. I know you can, and Speed and me's gonna be right here to help you through it. Ain't that right, Speed?'

'Damn right,' Speed whispered in reply, patting me reassuringly on the chest while the others had their backs turned

Other than getting naked, Bull's only preparation was spitting in his hands and lubing his cock with it. All the rest was simple, raw sex. I don't know how much of his cannon he managed to get up my ass, but if he didn't get it all in, it wasn't for lack of trying. He bombarded my ass with one assault after another. He attacked so ferociously that I thought he was going to blast a hole right through me. Occasionally, he would press my ass cheeks together really hard like he was trying to get the maximum pressure on his prick. At other times he would slap them really hard just to hear me scream.

Sarge sat on my face once again, and I didn't have to be told what to do. I licked the root of his dick under his balls, massaged each nut in my mouth, licked his shaft up, down, and all around, and finally swallowed as much of his cock as I could manage. At the same time, Speed and Dusty stood on each side of the bed working on both Sarge and me simultaneously. They pinched our nipples and alternated licking our armpits, first his and then mine, back to his, and so on. Each time they placed their heads under my arms, I smelled the manly sweet aroma of musk shampoo. Obviously, they had showered since the night before, and I fantasized about them showering together.

When Sarge, caught up in the sensation, threw his head back and winced in pleasure, Dusty motioned for Sport to reinforce them. Sport gently chewed on my limp dick until it started to rise. Then, he licked and sucked until it was as stiff as a board. With Bull pumping away at my ass, there was not much room for Sport to squeeze his head in between and lick my balls, so he just rubbed them with his hand and continued to suck my dick.

Totally consumed with their own pleasure, Sarge and Bull paid little or no attention to the considerations that Speed, Dusty, and Sport were giving me. Occasionally, Speed or Dusty would whisper something reassuring in my ear, like men sometimes do when their wives are in labor, but Sarge and Bull were too busy screaming obscenities to notice.

'Fuck him, Bull. Ram that goddam pile-driver up his fuckin' ass.'

'Can't get enough of my hose, can you, cunt? Beg me for it, cunt. Lemme hear you scream for my fuckin' cock.'

And scream I did. How could I not scream? The walls of my rectum burned with the fire of an incendiary bomb. The commando was hell-bound on carrying out his mission, and he would take no prisoners.

'Suck my dick, bitch. Eat me. Suck that fuckin' dick down your goddam throat and scrape your motherfuckin' tonsils with it.'

'Fuck his face, Sarge. Break his fuckin' jaw. Let the goddam son of a bitch know who's in charge here.'

These brutes were not making love to me as Speed and Dusty had done the night before. They were savagely raping me.

As he neared his climax, Bull's dick pulsated madly, his heart pumping vigorously in the barrel of his missile launcher. Finally, he fired one salvo after another deep into enemy territory. Mission accomplished.

Sarge shot his spooge down my throat. I choked and gagged, but he just kept pumping like he wanted to leave a battle scar, a kind of war trophy, on my tonsils. When he was finished with me - for the moment at least - he looked down and suddenly realized that Sport was sucking my cock, so he raised up, grabbed him by the hair on his head, and shoved him into my face. As much as I liked the idea of having Sport tongue me, I felt cheated because I was so close to an orgasm. Getting so near and having it jerked away so suddenly amounted to sadistic torture.

Bull fucked me twice more that afternoon, and each time was more painful than the one before, perhaps because with each successive rape he worked up more steam or perhaps just because my ass was already raw from the previous ones.

On the second occasion, Sarge ordered me to rim Sport's ass. Then he pulled him off of me and ordered Dusty to fuck my face while he screwed Sport. There it was again: my hairy Hercules and my young Adonis locked together in raw, sweaty lust.

The third time that Bull fucked my ass, Sarge simply said, 'Your turn, Speed. Fuck his gums out. I'm gonna sit this one out,' and he swaggered out the door, perhaps to sit on the bench and just listen to the vulgar invectives and horrific screams.

Speed didn't exactly fuck my face, though. Yes, he did stick his cock in my mouth, but he swished it around gently, rubbing my chest and tenderly squeezing my nipples all the while.

Following Sarge's lead, Dusty and Sport decided to sit out this round, too - or so it seemed at first. They literally lay down on the floor behind Bull to rest up from all the activity, but after a few minutes, Dusty rolled over and all of a sudden started sucking Sport's face. The kid seemed shocked at first, not that he objected, but he just didn't expect it coming from Dusty. He didn't think Dusty was into that sort of thing. Of course, Dusty probably hadn't thought he was either until Speed and I showed him how incredibly erotic it can be to kiss another man.

Sunday Evening

After the third round, everyone was ready for a break - me especially, although I was feeling overwhelmingly frustrated because I had just been fucked three times, yet I was the only man who hadn't gotten his rocks off. I was pretty sure that Sarge was not concerned with my needs at that point, however. He was resting up his troops for one final attack. The four men sat outside under the star-studded night sky and shot the bull for at least two hours, maybe three. Sarge and Bull drank beer, and Speed and Dusty smoked pot. They swapped stories about all the girls they had fucked. Of course, Sport did not admit to as many as the others, but in proportion to his age, I would guess that he took the cake. Hell, given how cute he was, he probably had had more than any of them but just didn't want to show them up. I bet he had fucked three or four babes a week since he was 12, maybe even three or four at the same time. I could easily imagine that by the time he graduated, he had fucked every girl in school and half of their mothers - and nearly as many of their brothers and fathers.

Once they had finished relating their conquests and regaining their strength, they re-entered the cabin. Bull positioned himself to invade me again, but the sergeant pulled him back. 'Not this time,' he said. 'This time he's mine.' He knelt down at my ass, but before he entered me, he directed the other four men to gather around. Bull crouched over my face, and the other three stood on either side of the bed. Sarge reached over to his right and began pulling on Sport's dick. Sport, in turn, reached to his right and grabbed hold of Bull, who grabbed Speed, who grabbed Dusty, who grabbed Sarge. Much to my disappointment, though, they left my dick unattended. It was a five-man circle jerk. When each man was hard to the sergeant's satisfaction, he lifted my legs over his shoulders as he had done before and began to enter me - much more gently than I expected.

As Sarge fucked my ass and the other men jacked each other off, they talked dirty, but not in a mean-spirited way. It was more like they were complimenting each other on their manliness and their technique. 'I'm gonna cum,' panted Bull. 'Not yet,' commanded Sarge. Wait for the rest of us.' When each man signaled that he was on the verge of shooting his wad, Sarge pulled out of my ass and yelled, 'Now.' Suddenly, streams of white cream flew all over my body like a Roman fountain. Some fell on my face, some on my crotch, and lots on my chest and stomach. To top it all off, Sarge reached down and beat my tender meat, and it only took a few strokes to bring me off. My cum squirted all the way up to my face, some of it even hitting me in the eye. The rest fell on my chest and stomach. I was soaked in man-juice. Hell, it was a testosterone-fueled milk bath, and I was the fuckin' dairy queen.

There were the usual grunts and moans that accompany a male orgasm, but these were followed by deep sighs of satisfaction. 'I gotta lie down,' said Sarge, straining to catch his breath. On that cue, the other four men picked me up by my arms and legs and lay me on the floor. Sarge collapsed on the bed. Bull and Speed sprawled out on the floor, and Dusty and Sport, squeezed up against me, one on either side. Sport began slowly running his finger through the cum drenching my body and sucking it like a child would dip his finger in chocolate syrup and then lick it off. Next, he ran his finger through the cream again and stuck it in my mouth. I could not believe what an incredibly erotic experience it was to suck his manna-laden finger.

Evidently aroused by the sight of this action, Dusty surprised me even more. He rolled over on top of me, pressing his dick against mine and squishing the creamy substance between our hairy bodies. Oh, my God! Here I was enjoying the cum bath I had just gotten, and now this handsome hairy hunk was sharing it with me. After he rolled off of me, I leaned over and licked some of the cum off of him, especially where the blond hair on his chest was particularly thick. After I lay back down, Dusty leaned over and wiped the cum off of my eyelid and lips and stirred his finger in my mouth. Then, we just relaxed and relished the moment.

An hour or so passed with no words spoken. Finally, Sarge broke the silence. 'OK, boys, let's get him cleaned up.' Dusty and Sport pulled me up off the floor and led me outside to the back of the cabin where Sarge (or someone) had rigged up a makeshift shower. It consisted of several kegs with shower heads operated by a hydraulic pump. The water felt cold as it ran down my face and body, but it was amazingly refreshing. Though I had basked in the joy of being drowned in the cum of five beautiful men as well as my own, I was eager to feel clean once again.

Sport flipped the lid on a bottle of liquid soap that he had picked up on our way out of the cabin. He poured some into Dusty's hands and then into his own. The two of them lathered me up, slowly rubbing the suds all over my body. I recalled the hottest, sexiest scene I have ever seen in a movie, the one in which Lee Purcell bathes a barely conscious John Schneider in 'Eddie Macon's Run.' When I saw that movie, I popped a boner and a half. I felt terribly embarrassed in front of my date, especially since it was our first date, but she assured me that at least half of the guys in the theater had probably reacted the same way. In fact, she said, it turned her on too, so we went back to her place and screwed three times that night.

This bath was much better, though, because it was happening to me and not someone on the screen, and instead of being soaped up by one hot chick, I was being rubbed down by two fuckin' hot studs. Since there was so much dried goo all over my body and in my hair, they had to soap me up and rinse me off several times to clean it all off. They got no complaints from me. I loved every stroke, especially in my most sensitive areas. Then, Dusty turned around, and Sport began to clean him up. After all, Dusty was the one who had rolled over and squished the cum between us, so he had almost as much cum on his hairy body as I did. I held out my hands, and Sport filled them with liquid soap, and I joined him in bathing Dusty. Once Dusty was clean, he and I turned our attention to Sport and lathered his smooth, muscular body. Just as we were about to rinse him off, Speed came out and joined us, so we wiped him clean. Then, it was Bull's turn. There was a lot more of him to bathe, so it took all four of us to do it. Finally, Sarge came out and stood under the shower. He looked at the other guys and said to my amazement, 'Just him.' They all backed off and left me to bathe the sergeant. I did so slowly and lovingly. Despite what he had done to me, he still had the hottest, most gorgeous fuckin' body I had ever laid eyes on. As I lathered his body, I felt the contours of every muscle and the texture of every hair. After I had thoroughly cleaned and rinsed him off, I knelt down and licked his feet. Then, as I had done before, I licked all the way up each leg. He spread them wide, inviting me to lick under his balls. I took each nut in my mouth one at a time and rolled it around in my mouth. I licked the entire circumference of his penis and swallowed it deep down my throat. I licked the dense pubic thicket around his cock and every hair from there to his neck. I lingered over his nipples, licking and sucking, licking and sucking. I lapped feverishly at his armpits, wishing that I could once again taste his manly sweat. By the time I reached his ear lobes, he pushed me away, but not completely. He continued to grip my shoulders. I was hoping that he would pull me into his embrace, but that was not to be. He pressed me back down on my knees, firmly, but not roughly. I again swirled his nuts in my mouth and licked and sucked his dick. He placed his hands around the back of my head and pulled me deeper, pumping his pelvis in rhythm. Yes, he was fucking my face, but again firmly, not roughly. When he came, he pulled my head closer, but it was more like the embrace of a satisfied lover than a brute.

He held me close for several minutes before looking over to his boys and simply nodding. They rejoined us under the shower, and together we bathed him and rinsed him off again. Through the entire process, no words were spoken. There were only moans of pleasure. 'Mmm, mmm, mmm.' They were all wiped out, but the shower episode had aroused me once again, and, of course, Bull could raise the flag at the drop of a helmet. Sarge spread his arms and pushed his troops back.

'It looks like we're not quite done with him,' he said. 'Who wants to volunteer for this mission?' There was a long pause, which did not surprise me because I did not expect anyone to step forward at that point. If anything, I figured the sergeant would assign the private to the task. Much to my amazement, though, Dusty boldly volunteered. 'I'll do it, Sarge. I'll do it for the platoon.' Maybe he was emboldened by the passionate kisses that Speed and I had planted on him, or maybe he was just curious, I dunno.

'Good man,' commended the sergeant, 'Good man.' And so, Dusty pressed my back against the cabin, knelt down, and took my meat into his mouth. He lacked Sport's technique, but considering that he had probably never sucked dick before, he didn't do too badly. As he worked up and down my shaft, the others gathered around and cheered him on, not in the crude way that they had done before, but more like a coach would encourage an athlete to pump five additional pounds of iron. The expression on Speed's face seemed different from the others, though. Could it be the look of envy? Periodically, one of the men would lay a hand on Dusty's shoulder to inspire him to greater heights. There was no doubt about it. These men had a camaraderie that was unparalleled.

When I warned that I was about to come, Dusty pulled back and started pumping my shaft with his hand. I guess he just wasn't ready to experience a man's cum in his mouth yet. Given the way he jacked me off, though, I could not object. He alternated between long, hard strokes and vigorous twisting motions that drove me wild. When I finally came, the first stream flew right over his shoulder, and most of the rest landed on his hand, arm, and chest. When all was done, he just looked up at me and smiled, signaling that he was grateful for the opportunity I had given him to learn what it meant to really please another man. After he had washed and rinsed the fresh cum off of himself, he turned his attention back to me. With the other men looking on, he tenderly bathed my dick and balls, continuing to caress them even after he had rinsed them off.

'OK, boys, time to go,' announced the sergeant after a respectable interval.' The corporal and private and I have to get back to the base and finish packing up before we ship out tomorrow. You boys have to be going too, don't you,' he said to Speed and Dusty. It was more of a command than a question, and they knew it.

'Yeah, Sarge, we gotta go too.'

'All right then. Tie him back up, and let's get the hell out of here.'

'What the fuck!' I cried. 'After all that I've been through the past two days, you're just gonna tie me up and leave me out here to rot? I could die before anyone could find me.'

'Oh, relax, bitch. I'll send the private over in the morning to set you free. Now, just get a good night's sleep, and you'll be fine.'

I continued to protest as the sergeant's men tied me up and then got dressed, but they just ignored me and exchanged trivialities about the weather, sports, and the imminent opening of hunting season.

~~

[ananxiousgenz]

Part 3 OF THE HADESTOWN FLASH FIC

for anyone who is actually reading these in order: they are not in any real kind of order. I am simply writing as the inspiration comes to me so the scenes are all over the fuckin place. also if this isn't as good as the prior parts, i apologize, i am eepy and my brain isnt working very well

@smidgen-of-hotboy and @ceaseless-watchers-special-girl psppsps come get your juice (@urjover and @one-joe-spoopy and @waters-and-the-wilde you guys can come read this too!!)

part 1 and 2 are on my account somewhere

the world straighted up and took notice the day peter nureyev walked into that bar.

well, maybe not the world.

but fate certainly did. and so did juno steel. and maybe that's close enough.

it was another day like they had all been in that eternal winter: windy, overcast, and grey, with a kind of chill that doesn't nip as much as sink its fangs into your bones and never let go. he'd come into the bar for the same reason everyone else had, juno assumed, trying to get out of the wind and cold and warm up a little. but there was no warmth to be found here. no true relief from the constant cold that had been the norm for years.

spring had disappeared. and the world had never really quite recovered from its loss.

juno wasn't discouraged, though. he knew there had to be a way to fix it, and then it came to him while he was stacking crates out behind the bar a few days ago. a simple song popped into his head, and when he sang it. oh, when he sang it. it was like spring with all of its warmth and goodness and chaos had come back into the world for just a moment. and then the moment was over, and juno left with the knowledge that maybe, just maybe, he could fix things. the song needed work, certainly, but even as it was, it could fix a lot.

not everything, but a lot. he knew deep down some things could simply never be fixed.

he was musing about how to continue the song while wiping down one of the bar tables that seemed to be perpetually sticky with old beer and fading finish when the door creaked open, announcing a new customer. the work never stopped here, did it? no matter, he'd get to them in a minute when he was finished with this table and then he'd-

oh.

he glanced up at the new customer and suddenly found himself rooted to the spot, heart pounding and face flushed.

he was.... he was.........

wow.

this new customer was quite possibly the most stunning man juno had ever seen. his hair was mussed from the wind outside and his face was flushed with cold. standing tall and lean in an oversized traveling coat, features sharp and clever as he spoke with juno's coworker at the bar. a streak of dirt rested on his cheek just below his wire rimmed glasses as he wriggled his warm leather gloves off.

he was clearly tired. everyone was. hard times do that to a people. but this man wore the exhaustion like a fine diamond bracelet, made for him in a way that complimented his countenance perfectly.

he was beautiful.

and that made him dangerous.

not that juno cared. he was quite fond of danger.

the man finally sat down at a table and sighed deeply, propping his head up on his hand as he waited for the drink he ordered. juno simply kept staring. he wasn't quite sure what to do next outside of stare. a thousand words were flooding his brain and all of them were stuck in his throat.

rita, his coworker, noticed. "you really wanna talk to him, dontcha boss?"

juno could only nod. dammit, why couldn't he say anything??

"then go DO it, boss!! whataya waitin' for?"

he opened his mouth to make some snappy remark, but nothing came out, so he just closed his mouth and nodded.

"oh, and mista steel?"

"yes, rita?"

"don't come on too strong, okay? I know you get a little excited about meetin' pretty people sometimes-"

"oh gods, rita, that was one time!!"

"well, it still cost lil old rita about a week's wages to replace the whiskey bottles you shattered from bein' so clumsy, so don't do it again!"

juno rolled his eyes and grabbed the stranger's drink to set down on his table. it was only a few steps to move, but somehow it felt like crossing mountains and rivers. juno's hands were shaking by the time he finally reached the man's side.

"ah, thank you, darling."

gods. even his voice was stunning. low and even and smooth as glass.

juno didn't even realize he was staring again until the man looked at him, slight concern etched onto his features. "are you alright? do you need something from me? I'm quite sure I paid at the bar but if you're looking for a tip-"

"come home with me." the words were out of juno's mouth before he could even think about them.

the man's eyebrows shot up and juno felt his face redden. he was quiet for a moment before responding. "you want me to go home with you?"

"yes."

"i don't even know who you are."

"i'm juno. i'm going to marry you."

there was another pause and internally, juno cringed. the one chance he gets to talk to someone attractive and he can't even act like a normal human being. of course it would be like this.

the man studied him for a moment before leaning back towards the bar to look at rita, who had been studying this interaction with all the curiosity of a child watching rabbits in the forest. "is he always like this?"

rita nodded vigorously. "absolutely, mista stranger-guy."

the man nodded thoughtfully before turning back to face juno. "i'm peter. peter nureyev."

[monsterhunting]

find the word!

ooh okay i've never done one of these before but i always see them around, and it was a lot of fun!!! i was tagged by @roguenancy and my words were soft, bright, time, reach, and burn. ironically, i have many, many WIPs, but i could only find good snippets from two of them. soft, bright, and reach are from my elumax + stoncy WIP titled the triangle is the strongest shape, and time and burn are from the upcoming fifth chapter of help to make the season bright. thank you so much for tagging me, this was really a lot of fun!!!

soft

Suddenly, El’s hands feel sweaty again, but there’s another feeling clogging up her chest – not sharp and grating this time, but warm and a little soft. Something like that nervous-but-excited feeling she gets sometimes that she hasn’t figured out a word for yet. 

bright

[...] Lucas grins at El, his smile bright and secretive like they’re sharing an inside joke, and when Max lifts her head from Lucas’ shoulder to grin at El, too, she’s still laughing, a bit of mustard on her nose, her red, red hair falling out of her braid and across her face, and – Abruptly, El stands. Max stops laughing.  “Whoa,” Lucas says. “What’s up?” “Uh,” El says. “Bathroom.” And then she quickly scurries back inside the cabin.

time

The next day at 5:30, Jonathan pulls into the parking lot of the Hawkins Rec Center wearing black loafers, khakis, and his reddest sweater, all of which he decided after two hours of deliberation were the nicest items in his closet. The parking lot is already half full, given the ball started thirty minutes ago, but Jonathan figures thirty minutes is enough time to be fashionably late, right? Honestly, he doesn’t know. He’s never understood the rules for these kinds of things.

reach (had to do reaches instead)

There’s a beat of silence before Steve claps his hands together. “Well, uh, I’m just gonna…” Then he weaves awkwardly around Jonathan and toward the fridge, reaches inside to grab a can of root beer, and quickly heads toward the door with a, “See ya later, El.”

burn

Jonathan has to look away from her then. His throat feels tight, and embarrassingly, his eyes are beginning to burn.

i am going to tag @miiyumei @marypsue @lavenderstobins @fabesrutter and @graysonnightwing (but no pressure to do it if you don't want!) my words are lean, stare, change, pull, and trust.

[nolanhollogay]

❛  i already said i'm sorry!  ❜

johnbsarah find out about jjedgar 🩷 for ME

also sarah pov bcuz i lub her

+

"Are you seriously mad at me? Because I didn't know and I already said I'm sorry!" JJ said, following behind Edgar as they walked into The Chateau. Edgar was holding a box full of four different family sized bags of chips, and frowning. God, Sarah had missed him and his cute little grumpy face.

He sighed, dropping the box onto the kitchen table, turning to face JJ. "I'm not mad at you. I'm just deeply annoyed."

JJ groaned. "No, that's even worse!"

"What's going on?" John B asked, dropping his head onto Sarah's shoulder.

"They're fighting because JJ abandoned Edgar in the grocery store when he knows Edgar gets overwhelmed and then a guy Edgar kissed once at a party tried to talk to him and Edgar almost started to cry," Kie explained, walking in, holding a case of beers. "Also Ryan from the liquor store says hi."

"We're not fighting," JJ said, "Mind your own business, Kie."

"You made it my business when I had to rescue Edgar from Tyler Carmichael."

Pope made a disgusted noise in the back of his throat. "You made out with Tyler Carmichael?"

Edgar nodded. "Yeah, it was whatever. He gave me mono and I thought I was going to die."

"You always think you're going to die," JJ teased.

Edgar rolled his eyes. "I'm not in the mood for you right now." JJ's face fell, but he didn't argue, which was weird because he was always ready to argue with everyone. If he could argue with himself he probably would. But instead of snapping back at Edgar, he held his hands up in surrender, letting him win.

+

Sarah had forgotten about the situation almost entirely, only really kind of noticing JJ hovering at Edgars side for most of the evening and assuming it was because he was trying to get back into his good graces. Which she understood. Being on the receiving end of an Edgar pout felt like shooting a deer in the face, and she would do everything she could to avoid it too.

But she was swiftly reminded when she walked into the kitchen. She was just trying to find something non alcoholic so she could sober up for the night and instead she was greeted with the sight of Edgar sitting on the counter with JJ standing between his knees.

It was confusing, like one of those optical illusions that made you find a word inside of a drawing. Edgar was sitting there, leaning back on his palms, wearing what was definitely the shirt JJ had been wearing earlier in the day. JJ was holding his thighs, fully invading his personal space.

"Are you finally done being mad at me?" he asked.

Edgar shrugged. "Depends."

JJ snorted. "On what?"

"I haven't decided yet," Edgar teased, fighting a smile.

Sarah wrinkled her nose as she tried to process what was happening. Were they flirting? It sounded like they were flirting.

"I know how I can make it up to you," JJ said, and he was definitely flirting.

She watched with baited breath as JJ wrapped a hand around Edgar's neck, pulling him into a kiss. It didn't look like a flirty little first kiss either, not with the way they seemed to melt into each other.

She should've looked away, especially when JJ slid his tongue into Edgar's mouth, but her feet were rooted to the spot.

Behind her, the familiar sound of John B's footsteps came closer and closer, until he was standing at her back and shouting, "Oh my God!"

She adored him but tact wasn't one of his special skills.

JJ pulled away, an annoyed noise leaving his mouth, and Edgar giggled.

"Don't be rude," he said, holding JJ's face and looking at him with the softest look Sarah had ever seen. "They weren't here when everyone else found out, remember?"

JJ's rage melted away almost immediately. It was like a flip had been switched. What kind of magic powers did Edgar have? "Oh yeah."

"What the hell is going on right now?" John B asked.

JJ smiled, obviously amused by his distress. "Eds and I are dating."

"Since when do you even like guys?"

"Well, not to quote Lady Gaga, but I was born this way, bro."

Edgar laughed, throwing his head back, and smacked it into the cabinet above him. JJ's hand was in his hair in seconds as he muttered, "Jesus Eds, you're going to give yourself another concussion."

John B blinked over and over, as if he couldn't believe his eyes. "I need another beer." He left the kitchen, turning on his heel and walking right back outside.

Sarah sighed, knowing that meant it was her job to go talk to him about the situation. "Y'all are cute," she offered on her way out the door.

"Thanks, princess!" JJ called after her.

[into-wonderland-caroline]

weird things about my dogs/funny things they do post # 1818

River is our Male golden retriever & easily the most wild, hyper, goofy, derpy dog out of the 8 that make up the Greyson household pack of hounds.

One of the strange habits of River is his desire to dunk his head and roll his face in things. When I say dunk his head I mean full on submerge when possible because River is a go big or go home kind of k9. If River can not fully submerge his head in something- like say something gets spilled then he improvises by dipping his face & all sides of his head in it [not his entire body mind you, just the face and head and he doesn't try to drink it either]. Some of the things River has dunked his head in to in his 3 years of life: toilet water, cereal milk, iced coffee, sweet tea, rain puddles, tanning oil, dog urine puddles 🤢, bath water, spilled pickle juice, spilled salsa, Root beer, milkshakes, alfredo sauce, lotion, mashed potatoes, cake, & a fish tank.

Today this golden goof not only escaped the backyard but when we found him River was about a block away terrorizing some poor children's lemonade stand although the children seemed to think it was really funny that this dog was dunking his head in the lemonade. I still don't know where their parents were when this was going on but Mom and I got River on a leash and got him home. Guess who is going to be getting a bath smh 🤦‍♀️😑

P.S. We donated $40 to the lemonade stand because of River's shenanigans.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Your Daddy Don't Know 9

Masterlist

Not really a full series, more a little drabbling here and there ft. dilf!Frank Castle. Leave a comment or some feedback if you like! <3

Warnings: age gap, dubcon and noncon, fucking, smut, choking.

You still feel the crush of Frank's hand on your throat. Your eyes wander to his muscled arms, his thick middle snug beneath the ribbed cotton as sweat thin the fabric. Your fear for him used to be childish but now it's all too real.

You walk at his side as you cross the palatial suburban street, the storybook backdrop venomously ironic given the horror of the trap you've fallen into. Your father's on the front porch as your mother's down in her garden, pulling at deep-rooted weeds. You can't look at either of them. 

"Frank, want a beer?" Your dad kicks the side of his cooler.

"Nah, think it's early for me," Frank climbs the steps and stands against the pillar, arms crossed, "me and your girl got something to chat with you about."

"Uh, okay," your father sits up and puts down his can as your mother looks up from the dirt.

"Well, ya know, with her workin' with my crew like she's been doin' and all that, I feel I've become a bit of a mentor to her, at least a…" Frank pauses and rubs his chin, "a guiding hand, ya know?"

"Sure, I mean, you're used to whippin' youngs punks into shape," you dad kids, "don't think she'd make much of a marine though."

"Yeah, well, you know I've been wanting to convert that old space over my garage, and I thought I got the room and she could help me with it, nice project to keep her outta trouble," Frank says coolly, "she can help me get the drywall in place and all that and I'll take the rent outta her check. Get her a bit of a foot out the door too. Some real responsibility on her shoulders."

"Ah, oh," you father sips from his weeping beer, "that's awfully generous, Frank."

"I wouldn't offer if I didn't mean it. The girl and me, we been talkin', we think it's best until she can get enough for a real place. She too old to be living under your roof and I ain't got no kids to bother me… I don't know, just wanted to put it out there."

You stare at Frank. Oh he is sly. 

"I mean, you're right, she's all grown up, I'd say it's up to her," your dad shrugs, "sure she's dying for an escape from us."

You look between the two men then peek over at your mother. She gives a brief glance as she yanks on a stubborn root. You take a breath, knowing what Frank wants and slightly put off by your father's expectant gaze. 

Maybe Frank is right. You're a burden, a disappointment. Your parents are just too kind to say it. And you can't say they're wrong. You are a failure. You're absolutely pathetic.

"I think it's a good idea," you muster your voice, "to get out of the house. Now that I'm not in college, I should figure out what to do. How to… be on my own."

"Well," your dad leans back and tilts his head, "guess if Frank's offering…"

"Gotta get the place built first," Frank intones, "so you'll have her a little longer."

"Sure," your father nods, "sure you don't want a beer?"

"Nah, but your girl might need some hair of the dog," he kids and he peers back across the street, "got some things that needa be done and think the girl's suffered enough."

"Oh don't worry, we got lots to keep her busy," your dad chirps, "all nice and ready to go to bed early and start the week right."

You frown and cross your arms. Your dad has no idea what he just agreed too. Neither really do you. It's only the twinkle in Frank's eye that assures you it's not good.

☠

Monday morning. For once you're up before your alarm. You stare out the window in the hallway, dressed in the straight-legged jeans and loose shirt already stained from your first week of work. Your bag is stuffed with a granola snack and cup of yogurt, you doubt you'll have much appetite as the alcohol lingers in your gut.

You see your neighbour, your biggest mistake, as he hops down his front steps. For a grumbly old man he sure is chipper at the crack of dawn. You get up, knowing it's better not to poke an already grumpy bear.

You drag your feet downstairs and head out the door. You cross the street as Frank gets to the bed of his truck. Your shadow skews before him as he looks up.

"Sugar," he greets with a wink, "up and at 'em."

"Sure," you murmur as you hold one strap of your bag over your shoulder, "get it over with."

"Ah, come on, you're really gonna be a brat?" He closed the back of his truck and stood straight, "don't think I won't spank you some more."

"Gross," you sidestep him and he catches your arm, swinging you back so fast your bag falls to the ground.

"Now, don't do that," he growls, "you were the one who sucked me off behind that shed and came over in those shorts like you were lookin' for trouble. This isn't on me."

"Oh, so I'm asking for it? That's disgust‐"

"What you are asking for is what you're gettin', sugar. A space of your own and I won't even take it off your check. You got other ways to make it up, huh?"

"Get off of me," you push against his burly chest, "I'd rather live in my parent's backyard--"

"If they even take ya back," he turns you and pushes you against the truck, "sugar, I'm offering you more than a room above my garage. You don't even gotta keep up this whole work thing. I'll take care of ya. Like the pretty little thing you are."

"You're not that old, don't be ridiculous," you try to shove him away, "I don't wanna be… whatever it is you're thinking."

"Too late for all that, isn't it?" He hums and kisses your forehead, "so be good for me, sugar, and I'll make it easy for you."

"Whatever," you utter, "let's just go."

He hesitates. His large hand frames your chin and he forces your head up, kissing you roughly as he grinds against you. He draws away and chuckles darkly.

"Sugar, best hope this day goes fast, all the things I got in mind for you, I dunno if I'll be able to hold out," he slowly drops his hand from your chin, "damn, you look fine in just about everything, huh?"

You say nothing, not wanting to provoke him further. He's right. It's too late. You agreed to it like the weak girl you are. You couldn't cut it in school so maybe this is what you get. The only prospect is that old man. 

☠

Plaster dust sticks to your sweaty skin as you head back down to the basement, ready to haul up another bin of scraps from the torn out walls. The task is heavy and dirty and uncomfortable but distracting. You keep on as you hear the men above, arguing about the countertops and hinges.

You're the grunt, you don't have the skill so you do the cleaning up, the things anyone could do but no one wants to. You toss down the empty bin and start throwing armfuls of drywall into it, wiping your damp forehead with the back of your grimy hand.

You bend down and hear what can only be described as a growl. You stand and drop another pile into the bin. You turn as Frank tramps down the last stair.

"Mm mm mm, sugar, if you don't look delicious," he leers as he gets closer, his grey tee showing signs of his own work, "and you're down here all alone."

"Doing my job," you shrug and stumble back as he comes closer.

He marches you back and you nearly trip on the stray pieces. You hit the barren interior of the wall as he stretches his arms to grip the uprights on either side of you. You blink at him and try to see around him to the stairs. 

"No one coming down," he grasps your hips and spins you so that you yelp in surprise, "told you I couldn't wait."

His arms entrap you as he fumbles with your fly then wrenches down your jeans and panties. Your body jerks as you slap the wall and he blocks you from sidling away. His fingers spread over your skull and he pushes your head against the naked wood.

"I'll be quick, sug," he says as he wiggles and picks at his filthy jeans. 

You smell his sweat, feel the heat of his body as ice trickles through your veins, hear the subtle inhale as his breath picks up with anticipation. His hard tip brushes your ass and he pulls your hip back, square nails bearing into you.

"Be nice and quiet for me, sugar," he says as he thrusts into you from below, lifting you to your toes, "or someone might just wander down here after all."

[cryptke]

just finished the book after like maybe 2-ish hours of sleep and two coffee, and I'm not disappointed. That's a great way to end a book, sorta like a full circle, with her visiting some places he's been to, and eventually returning to that diner. Genuinely amazing book, made me think a lot about what the *fuck* life actually is lol. I actually kind of enjoyed the nihilism aspect of the book, mostly because I haven't seen it very often in modern books, especially not executed well in a way that doesn't throw you right into the next depressive episode lol

I'm moving to Australia cuz i like really gotta get away from my family and this town, and I think *I* will commit serial mass murder if I don't put at least half the Pacific Ocean (or Atlantic, i think it's the atlantic) between me and them. Originally wanted to go to uni there, considered astrophysics, marine biology & egyptology, realized I have zero idea what to actually do with my life, so I'll be moving around a bit, probably a la circa supernatural (supplement the monsters with spiders), and see if something comes out of it, if a sudden life plan magically manifests before me. Visa only lasts for so long, so that'll be a ride ig..

the beaches in the far north of Queensland are literal fucking heaven, mangoes and coconuts on end - there's this old lady that always cuts the mangoes down and attracts all the cassowaries, which is an absolute pain in the ass because they mean as piss - but like feel free to drop in? motel room/apartment will always be open for you lol

absolutely stoked you actually liked my daryl request, and super glad you're out of the depression slump at the moment - and hopefully for a while longer. Even better that you've got a love interest on the line, definitely hope all works out well in that matter. Apartment hunting is literal hell, though it is fun, so i hope u can snatch a decent one. I once went hunting on Craigslist, did *not* go well, mistakes have been made.

you just threw me back like a bunch of years when i was thirteen and tried to craft my own fake id (with pic n all), to buy the worst possible brand of beer the local grocery store had stocked - it went horribly wrong, and that absolute cunt of a manager called the police to "teach" me a lesson. Thank fuck I'm more creative now.

and *please* share that rec for the other book you mentioned? in desperate need for some nicely dark, gory literature to sink my teeth in.

😭😭

the end of fucking Blackbird cracked something wide open in my brain. the scene where she's standing at the crossroads, i think it was, and she sees the street names............

i have respect for people who can root up their lives and transport themselves to a new continent entirely. it's like you're in a subgroup that managed to unlock the other 90% of their brain power

this new book is called Tender is the Flesh by Agustina Bazterrica, and you can get the pdf for free online if you just google "tender is the flesh read online free." essentially, at its core the premise is that in some nearby future setting, all flesh derived from animals has become deadly to humankind because of a mysterious virus strain making their meat totally inedible. so relying on their produce as we do now would have society facing mass extinction. basically, the world has no choice but to institutionalize and "normalize" human cannibalism as a last ditch hope. and BABY, THEY DO.

it is so incredibly fucked up because the story is not even an interpretation of cannibalism itself. that's not what's supposed to GETCHA. essentially, they start literally breeding human beings to create a sort of secondary species to solely rely on for meat harvesting. it introduces people living (with the mental capacity of domesticated animals) as slaughterhouse cows do. so you're exposed to a sort of conscious separation of people and then humans who are not people and will never be viewed as such. they're meat. the main character is a nihilistic, depressed butcher who's profession is to quite literally slaughter "the meat."

i think what makes it so intense is the fact that it's not a barbaric story where the cannibalism itself is meant to be the big shock affect. it's set years after the initial "transition" to this lifestyle the world has been forced into, and it paints a picture of this sterile dehumanization of society with the presence of specific laws regarding human breeding/a sense of normalcy and acceptance based around the whole thing, etc. really showcases how easily our morals can be stripped from us. a slow, lethargic horror with graphic social commentary.

book contains some HARD ass quotes though. weirdly philosophical.

“He tried to hate all of humanity for being so fragile and ephemeral, but he couldn't keep it up because hating everyone is the same as hating no one.”

"How many heart need to be stored in boxes for the pain to be transformed into something else? But the pain, he intuits, is the only think that keeps him breathing. Without the sadness, he has nothing left."

[angelsswirl]

Vellichor

The One With Very Chaotic Pool Party

"Sugar, we're going down swinging."

Peyton knocked on the door harshly, "Ryland! Hurry the fuck up! Everyone's already here and I haven't even gotten to shower!"

A huff came from behind the locked door, "Go use the one in moms' room!"

"Oh! I can't believe I hadn't thought of that!" Peyton rolled her eyes, even though her older sister wouldn't see it.

"See, there you go."

"That was sarcasm, dipshit. Mom is in there."

"Peyton! Don't call your sister a dipshit!" Jisoo yelled from somewhere in the house.

"How did she even hear that?"

Ryland finally exited the bathroom a few seconds later. Her hair was tied back in a immaculate ponytail with a baby blue scrunchie that corresponded with the rest of her hot weather outfit.

Peyton glared at the young woman, "What were you even doing in there? You look exactly the same?"

Ryland gasped, terrified, she quickly backed into the bathroom again and slammed the door shut.

"Sleep with your eyes open." Peyton muttered at the locked door.

"Peyton! Stop threatening your sister!" Jisoo yelled again.

"What the hell?!" Peyton yelped.

You frowned as you left your bedroom, Kaleb sat on your hip, his swim trunks and rashgaurd coincidentally matching Ryland's baby blue outfit.

"Your mom's right. You need to stop threatening your sister with bodily harm when she does something you don't like."

Peyton's frown deepened, "It wasn't a threat. It was a suggestion. I'd hate for it to be an unfair fight."

You just stared at your youngest daughter, "You know, when Lia dropped you on your head as a baby I didn't really think it would manifest itself into this."

Peyton pouted, "Lia dropped me?!"

"Well, technically it was Jisoo and you landed on the bed. Just..head first. In your mother's defense, she didn't know Lia was going to jump onto her stomach. You were on her chest. It was like those big air blob things you see at summer camp on a lake. It was actually kind of funny. You thought it was too while you were in the air. After you landed, not so much."

"And somehow I still love you." Peyton deadpanned. In all honesty, that story made a whole lot of sense.

"I love you too!"

Kaleb tugged on the collar of your shirt lightly, "Build?"

You smiled at your youngest, "Yeah, we can build. I think mama moved your legos outside, is that okay?"

Kaleb thought about it for a second then nodded. He didn't care where his legos were as long as he got to use them.

You urged Peyton along one more time, before setting off to the backyard.

~•~

"You're going to burn a whole through the poor kid's head if you don't stop staring." Sana said as she pushed the meat around the grill some more. She didn't know what she was doing really. But she was precariously watching a YouTube video with instructions. YouTube University to the rescue once again.

"She wants to defile my child. I know this as fact. That's all I was thinking about at that age." Jisoo said without breaking her gaze.

"And yet, you remained a virgin until 27. Funny how stuff like that works itself out." Irene spoke up, she shooed Sana out of the way of the grill and set about fixing things.

"If I lost my virginity at 27, how would I have had Lia? Oh, you were joking." Jisoo pouted.

"Got it in one." Irene's words dripped sarcasm, "I thought you got over that. Seulgi and I met at 19 and 18, you didn't seem to have a problem about that then."

"I was also 19 and neither you or Seulgi are my fucking daughter. How would you feel if Maya just suddenly walked into your house claiming your sworn enemy's kid was her mate?"

"I killed all my enemies back in the late 90's."

"Could you give me two seconds of sincerity, Irene? Please." Jisoo's shoulders slumped.

Irene rolled her eyes, "Is Maya happy in this scenario?"

Jisoo looked as though she didn't want to answer that question, "Well...yeah."

"Then I'd be happy for her. Like you should be with Ryland."

Sana nodded along with Irene's statement, "As far as I can tell, neither Rosè or Taylor are bad people. Ryalnd is happy. Shouldn't that be all that matters?"

Jisoo huffed defeatedly, "Fine. You're right. I'm going to go talk to the kid."

Jisoo practically stomped off in the direction of the teenager.

Irene looked on with a proud smile, "You know, Sana? I think our little girl is finally growing up." She wiped a fake tear from her eye.

"The ribs are burning." A voice stated from the side of them.

"Shit!"

"Oh hey, Jennie. When did you get here?"

~•~

"Ryland, do you mind if I scare the shit out of your girlfriend? Thank you." Before Ryland could respond, Jisoo dragged Taylor away by the arm.

Taylor stood up straighter and puffed out her chest, "Hello, Mrs. Kim. My name is Taylor Bae-Park and I-"

"Look, kid. I don't need all of that. I just need to know a few things. Do you love my daughter?"

"With every single breath I take."

Jisoo tried to keep her scowl to a minimum.

"Are you treating her right?"

"I like to think so."

"Are you pressuring her into anything she doesn't want to do?"

"Of course not."

Jisoo sighed, "That's...good to hear. Alright, if you end up going all the way with this thing then so be it. Just promise me this, if she ever starts acting like...well, herself and you can't take it anymore, just bring her back. Her mom and I are use to it."

Taylor nodded stiffly then saluted, "You have my word!"

"Did you just sal-you didn't-I'm not..whatever." Jisoo took a sip of the beer she had completely forgotten was in her hand.

Taylor began to walk away, but Jisoo stopped her, "Hey, Taylor? Tell Chaeyoung I said 'Hi'." Taylor nodded with a smile, then jogged back to the edge of the pool.

Jisoo stayed rooted to the spot, almost jumping out of her skin when arms encircled themselves around her waist.

"That was very hot." You practically purred into Jisoo's ear, "You being all protective mama bear. It's a shame we're hosting this little get together, because if we weren't I'd get down on my knees for you and-"

"Okay! Why don't you put a pin in that thought for now, while I go completely submerged myself in the pool for about 10 minutes, yeah?" Jisoo shuffled out of your arms frantically.

You only laughed hysterically as Jisoo awkwardly hobbled to the pool edge then jumped straight in.

"20 years later. Still got it." You gave yourself a mental pat on the back.

~•~

"Jesse Kim! You are way too old for me to have to tell you to stop standing on tables." Lisa shouted up at her son. He had always been a climber. He had given her and Jennie multiple heart attacks as a baby.

Jesse only smiled charmingly at his mother, then set about continuing to do what he was doing, "Friends, Family! I have an announcement to make!"

He had managed to catch everyone's attention, though most of them probably wanted to see if Lisa would throw a shoe at him to get him down.

"As you all know, I was going to go into my second year of college at Julliard, but what you don't know is that last week I got a signed a record deal with Columbia records!" He smiled brightly.

The rest of the partygoers clapped enthusiastically.

"But they suck."

"Peyton!"

"Not only that, but after talking with my 'rents, I've decided to say fuck college and I'm going to perform full time."

"You just couldn't keep it PG, could you?" Lisa took a long sip of her chilled wine. Jesse shook his head with a happy smile.

There's a scraping of a lawn chair against pavement and a dissatisfied huff. No one really notices accept for the people closest.

Jisoo moved to go talk to her oldest daughter, but stopped when a hand is placed on her shoulder.

Jennie shook her head subtly, "I think I have some aunting to do on this one."

Jisoo looked a bit skeptical, but let Jennie walk off in Lia's direction nonetheless, "Alright, but come get me if you need me."

"I got this, Chu."

Lia had stormed around the house to the front stoop. She sat on the step with a huff. An angry tear hit her cheek just before being forcibly wiped away.

"What's up, Li?" Jennie sat on the step next to her. She had a feeling she already knew what the problem was, but it wouldn't do her any good to assume and be wrong.

"...I was supposed to be like you and Aunt Seulgi. But no, I just had to get that stupid disease and it just had to ruin my fucking voice." Lia squeezed her eyes shut to prevent the oncoming spillage of tears. There's an idle throb in her throat as if to taunt her.

Jennie rubbed her back softly, "I know that this is hard for you, Kid. If I knew Jess had planned on doing that, I would have talked him out of it. You know how he gets."

Lia only shrugged and shook her head, "It's whatever. What's done is done. Peyton commited to SUNY. I should be used to it."

"I don't think you should have to get used to your life passing you by. You're not a failure. So, what? You can't sing anymore, but that's not all you are. You're a successful youth soccer coach. You just graduated college. You're completely independent of your parents. Those are all things to celebrate."

Lia nodded softly. Jennie did have a couple of points, "It's just...hard."

"I know, Li, but you're not alone. You've got me, your parents, your siblings, and all of your other family and friends to help."

"Yeah, okay." Lia nodded.

"Now, you want to get back to this party?"

Lia nodded resolutely, "Yeah. Mama said I have to beat Taylor in a game of Chicken Fight to assert my dominance."

Jennie only sighed, "Yeah, that sounds about Jisoo."

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Fifty-Five

A/N: I'm dedicating this chapter to @xpoisonousrosesx , HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY, BEAUTIFUL!! I hope it was a good day, and I pray this is your best year yet. I love you!!💕💕

Words: 3.8k

Warning(s): explicit language, mentions of drug abuse

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I smooth the hair dye through Nikki's roots, wiping my forehead with my forearm as he chatters on and on about the album.

"Tommy's fixed on making a song about strippers, and Mick's giving pretty good riff ideas, but Vince is too busy frying in the fucking sun to give a shit. As usual." He complains and I lick my lips and keep quiet. "Don't even get me started on how I showed him 'Veins' and he outright said he wasn't singing that 'shit'. If he doesn't like the fucking lyrics he can get his ass off the fucking beach or pull his cock out of cheap-bitch pussy and write a fucking song himself. Lazy fucking bastard. Then he wants to groan about how hard he works. Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't aware standing in front of a microphone and giving half-assed vocals is so fucking exhausting--which counting how much energy he spends talking back to me or Mick or Tommy, he probably is exhausted by the time he's done laying vocals and blowing load after load down a line of groupies' throats while Sharise is at home taking care of their fucking child. Fucking asshole."

"Vince has always been that way. I don't know why you're just now realizing this." I mumble, sectioning off another piece of his hair before glopping dye onto it.

"No, no. He had an attitude to begin with but it was the perfect amount for the band. Now he's getting singer syndrome and I'm not dealing with his prima-donna bullshit."

"He's not perfect, Nikki, maybe he's just going through something and he'll get better once whatever it is passes."

"He's not going through anything, he's just drinking again." He states and I raise my brows.

"Nikki, he's not drinking again."

"Yes, he is."

"How do you know?"

"I know what beer smells like. He reeks of it anytime he's in the studio."

At least it's not crack.

"So, this song about strippers..." I change the subject, starting on another section of his hair.

"Tommy just has the main tagline of the chorus in his head and we're working on lyrics and music for it, now. I think it'll be a good single."

"What's the main tagline for the chorus?"

"I can't tell you, it's a surprise." He grins when I step out from behind him to look down at him. "But you'll like it."

"Whatever you say." I sigh, finishing his hair, taking the gloves up. "Alright, leave it in for twenty minutes then we'll go rinse it out." I tell him, turning my back to go throw the box dye supplies and empty bottle away.

"Hey, does this stuff stain the floor?" He calls while I'm in the kitchen.

"...Yeah." I reply before it hits me why he's asking.

I rush back into the dining room to see him swiping the towel that was once over his shoulders, being wiped back and forth against the floor by his boot, probably trying to soak up what dye he got on the floor.

"Nikki!" I exclaim.

"I'm getting it up." He reassures me, laughing me off.

"It's getting on your shirt now!"

"You know how to get it out in the wash, though, so it's fine." He shrugs, smirking at me and I have to keep myself from screaming at him, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.

"Okay. Okay." I say to myself, aloud, feeling his hands hold at my waist and I open my eyes, looking up at his dye soaked hair that's dripping down his shirt now that he doesn't have his towel on his shoulders to protect him. "You wouldn't take your shirt off before I started dyeing your hair, you wouldn't keep your towel over your shoulders and now you have dye on your shirt and I'm gonna have to scrub at it with vinegar and soap. You are a child. I am married to a man-child."

"You can spank me if you want to." He raises his brows and I have to keep myself from cracking up, holding back my smile.

"It's not funny." I tell him.

"It is." He argues.

"No it's not."

"It kind is."

"No, it's no--ahh!" I squeal, jerking away from him as he tickles me.

He stops in a split second, his eyes focused on something over my shoulder.

I turn my head to see Vanity standing at doorway, and I can practically feel the anger rolling off of her as she grinds her teeth.

She doesn't look as sweet as usual.

"Where the hell were you last night?!" She asks him, and I feel him tense up like a cat with it's fur standing up due to being threatened.

"With my wife."

It seems like she twitches at the word "wife" before she rolls her jaw.

"That's the third time you've bailed on plans made with me, Nikki. I'm really starting to get the impression you don't wanna be friends anymore."

"I've been working on music and trying to take a step back from the drugs, Vanity. When I feel like going down hill again, I'll give you a call." He states to her and she glares daggers at him before looking at me.

"You should be very proud of him, Vivian, I mean, really." She sarcastically let's out. "He really takes his marriage so serious."

"Vanity, you're stoned. Get lost." Nikki orders her and that seems to make it worse.

"Get lost?! I'm trying to figure out what's wrong, Nikki, and why you don't want to see me, so I can fix it!"

"And I'm telling you I'm busy working on the album, trying get sober, and, oh, yeah, spending time with Vivian because my life doesn't revolve around my friends. I have other priorities and you're not on that list anymore."

Her brown eyes shift to me, her jaw tightening and loosening the more she focuses on me.

"He only wants you around because you're sober. Just like he only wanted me around because I know how to have a good time."

"Vanity, I'm sure he'd be willing to hang out with you if you weren't constantly on something." I politely interject. "I was the one that suggested he manage his time spent with his friends that were involved in the things he was trying to get clean from." I add. "And we've been together for six years. I don't think he wants me around just for my personal preference of sobriety."

Her and Nikki seem to be having an entire conversation with just their eyes before she's letting out one last breath.

"Fine. Just call me up when you're desperate for an escape, again." She tells him before turning on her heel, stomping out of the house.

"What the hell was that about?" I ask him and he just shakes his head.

"Don't worry about it, Viv. She's fucking crazy." He mumbles, giving the direction she walked out in, one last glance before going to rinse his hair out in the shower.

When he gets out, I've got big, velcro rollers in my hair and I'm putting on makeup.

"Where you going tonight?" He asks me and I finish my mascara before giving a small shrug.

"Duff and I are gonna go try to see about finding him another place to move. They're starting on the album and when he starts getting money from it, he wants to get a nicer place." I explain.

"That's what you said last night, Viv. And the two nights before that." He adds, fixing his towel around his waist.

"Feel free to come with us, Nikki, I'm sure he'd love the company of another guy." I offer, not even realizing what he's getting at.

"Well, maybe I was gonna take you out." He tells me and I look at him for a moment.

"Nikki leaving me in a club while you go shoot up in the bathroom isn't 'taking me out'. It's using me as a coverup." I sigh.

"I'm off smack, Viv." He states, finishing smearing shaving cream over his jaw, picking his razor up.

"Is that why you were hanging out with Robbin last night?"

The thud of his razor hitting the sink has me jumping slightly, and I glance at him from the corner of my eye to see him staring at me, obviously pissed.

"Nikki, don't look at me like that. I'm being honest."

"For once." He scoffs out and I stop what I'm doing and focus on him.

"What's that suppose to mean?" I ask.

"I've just heard stuff, Viv, that's all." He informs me and I raise a brow.

"Heard what from who?"

"Vanity said she's seen you out with Duff more times that you've failed to mention to me." He throws.

"Oh, Vanity. The same woman you discredit because she's 'fucking crazy'?"

"She's not lying about that, Vivian, because she has no reason to. It's all in the fucking papers, anyway."

"What are you talking about?" I snap and he raises his brows before stepping out of the bathroom, coming back with a stack of cheap news papers...I'm on the cover of every one, with Duff.

I'm wearing church dresses in a few of them.

Shit.

"I didn't wanna say anything because I get that you're your own person and can do whatever, but you can kinda see why I scratch my head when my wife tells me church service ran late and then shows up on a magazine with another guy.

"Nikki, there's nothing going on." I reassure him, finishing my makeup.

"Then why the fuck have you been lying about it?"

"To avoid this!" I motion between us before grabbing the papers from him and throwing them towards the garbage can in the bathroom.

"If I was spending every sunday afternoon on a fucking date with some chick and lying to you about it, it'd be the end of the fucking world, Vivian."

"Duff isn't just some random person, Nikki. You know him. You're friends with him. Why the hell would anything happen? Do you really think I would do that to you--that he would do that to you, knowing that all you'd have to do is call him out for it publicly, once, and ruin his shot at music?" I ask harshly and he licks his lips.

"Next time you two hangout without telling me about it, I'll do just that. Don't fucking try me, Sixx. You're lucky I'm not kicking you to the curb for this shit." He states, his voice graveling.

"It would make sense for you to do that to me, Nikki, it really would. I stay with you after you treat me like shit, shoot me, ignore me, laugh at my fear for your life and safety and the second you think I'm spending a little too much time with my best friend--completely your paranoid opinion, by the way--I'm an embarrassing whore and you're wanting to kick me out of the house. I swear to God, I have no idea how someone can go from thinking they're God, to being an insecure little bitch."

"I don't care if you hang out with him but fucking tell me the truth about it!"

"Like you tell me the truth about Vanity?! How much time is she really spending at our house, Nikki, because almost every fucking time I go out and come back home, I'm getting whiffs of her perfume and freebase. And I know you aren't just around her to talk. When she's around, so is the crack."

"I'm not listening to this shit." He gives one last swipe of his razor over his skin before he's finished, getting the left over shaving cream off before grabbing his hair dryer.

"Yeah, you love putting the things I do under a microscope but the second Nikki's in the hotseat, it's an invasion of his privacy, right?!" I call after him as he slams the bathroom door behind him when he leaves.

I knew he was bound to find out I was lying to him, but when he did, I expected him to be angrier or make more of a show patronizing me for it. I didn't realize he didn't give much of a fight because he already had the sick gears in his mind turning.

I pull my dress and heels on, stepping through the house to find Nikki.

He's in Karen's room, probably venting to her about me, when I walk in to see him pacing back and forth in front of her bed while she patiently listens.

"Can I talk to you?" I ask him and he just looks me up and down before rolling his eyes, trudging toward me, shutting Karen's door behind him. "You're not an insecure little bitch. You have a reason to be upset with me and I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth about the Duff thing. But you overreact when it comes to me, Nikki, you really do. It's like you can have all the girls around you that you want, and I don't know who the hell they are, but the second a guy even glances at me, you're on the defense. Do you not trust me?"

"You lied to me about it, Vivian."

"To try to protect you."

"From what? There's nothing wrong with you and him hanging out!" He tells me, losing patience. "...Is there?"

"No, there's not, Nikki."

"Okay, then. I don't care. Apology accepted. Go have fun." He carelessly waves his hand to the door, but I know he does care, he doesn't accept my apology, and "go have fun" means "just fuck off and leave me alone."

So I do.

"Alright, bye."

"Bye."

He shuts himself back into Karen's room and I head to my car.

"You're All I Need" was written that night while I was out with Duff and once it was written, Nikki found trouble.

I unlock my car as Duff and I finish leaving the Franklin Plaza after just looking at one of the suites.

"I'm sold." He tells me.

"Really?"

"Yeah, why not." He shrugs and I chuckle.

"Okay, so now what?"

"We wait for a check, and then pack my shit--which consists of three t-shirts and two pairs of pants--and then move in." He says.

"Sounds good." I agree.

"Now, to celebrate..." He starts, thinking for a second. "...food, and then find the guys on the strip."

"Deal." I reply, heading to Denny's.

Once we're done eating, we decide to just walk down the strip in search of at least one of the other four members of Guns N' Roses.

Seeing Duff's car, that Steven borrowed, parked on the side of the street, we find a place to park.

"Rebel Yell" blares through the speakers of the Cathouse once we get inside, and we automatically look in the direction of the bar.

Like we expected, we see Slash, Steven and Izzy, all down drinks.

I pluck Izzy's hat off his head and turn it backwards before tugging at the end of Stevie's hair.

They snap around, and Izzy's lightly hitting my arm in retaliation while Steven's pulling me to him.

"The hell have you been?" He asks me over the music and I brush some of his blonde bangs from his eyes.

"I could ask you the same thing." I tell him, poking at the end of his nose and he kisses my cheek, squeezing me to him for a second.

"I've missed you." He states as Duff and Slash have a brief side conversation.

"Izzy." I acknowledge him and he nods a single time.

"Viv." He replies, taking a sip of his drink.

"Where's Axl?" I ask Stevie, glancing around.

"He's meditating in the bathroom." Steven in forms me and I furrow my brows.

"He's what?"

The blonde looks at me, takes his arm from around me, holds his hands out and touches the tip of his pointer finger to his thumb, closing his eyes for a second, imitating meditation.

"He's meditating." He repeats, obviously finding humor, chuckling when Izzy holds back a smile and knocks him in the arm.

"Better than doing smack in the bathroom I guess." I shrug.

"Oh, speaking of which." Izzy blows smoke past his lips, looking at me. "Nikki and a friend of his is in V.I.P. he came by and said, 'hey' to us and invited us over." He states.

"Why'd you say 'friend' like that?"

"'Cause she was hot." Steven states. "That Vanity chick." He adds.

"Are they still here?" I ask them and Izzy shrugs.

"Hell if I know. She's fucking coo-coo for cocoa puffs, though." Izzy says. "And she's touchy-feely. A little too much."

Izzy didn't like Vanity because he could tell from first glance Nikki and her were fucking around.

The reason he didn't join Nikki in V.I.P that night was because he told Nikki I was more of a man than he ever would be with the shit he was pulling with Vanity.

That pissed Nikki off.

"I'll be right back." I say to them, heading to V.I.P.

I get in, seeing Vanity giving a near strip tease, completely absent from her mind while Nikki completely disregards her, staring off, looking like he just had a hit of junk.

I feel like I'm spying on him, being nosy, and turn to go back to the guys to avoid pissing Nikki off.

"You find him?" Steven asks me and I nod.

"Yeah."

"You find her?" Izzy asks next.

"Yeah. She's really not that bad, Iz."

His eyes nearly bug out of his head as he snaps his attention to me, scoffing out: "what?" in disbelief.

It occurs to him that I'm friends with her and his expression shifts to a sort of sadness before he's finishing his drink and quickly brushing off his demeanor.

He started to slowly distance himself from Nikki after that...that was a low even he wouldn't try to swing to.

Izzy never told me about Nikki and Vanity, not to protect Nikki, but to protect me.

I couldn't be angry at him when I found out he had known, because I knew without a doubt he would have told me had he thought I would have been able to handle it.

The rest of the night ends with me trying to keep a drunk Steven, Slash and Duff out of trouble with Izzy and Axl encouraging their foolery.

When it gets time for them to start going home or either finding chicks to go home with, all seem to disappear...except for Duff.

I'm walking him back up to their apartment, laughing as he almost face plants, stumbling over himself, giving out a sound that sounds almost like Goofy's laugh from Mickey Mouse, only making me laugh harder.

"Sorry." He tells me, grasping at my hand to steady himself so he can get the key for the apartment out of his jacket pocket.

"It's fine." I say when I calm down.

I watch him struggle to get the key into the doorknob.

"That's weird, I usually always can get it in the hole." He says as a joke, and my face turns red as he laughs at himself. "That was a pretty good one."

"Yeah, it was."

"Here, you do it." He hands me the key after struggling some more and I easily unlock the door, causing him to stare at me.

I just smile a little and make my way into the apartment.

"You need help with anything else or you got it?" I ask him as he steps in behind me, taking his jacket off and leaving it in the floor, going to the kitchen.

I pick his jacket up and place it on the couch, going to the kitchen to see him pull a bottle of vodka out.

"No, no." I calmly stop him, gently plucking the bottle from his hands. "You've had plenty for tonight. You're gonna be sick tomorrow." I explain.

"Oh, yeah." He doesn't argue and I put it back where he got it as he leans against the counter.

"Get some sleep. I'll see you later." I order after a second of him just looking me up and down.

"Wait, wait." He stops me, his hand enveloping mine.

"What is it?" I ask him.

"Can we talk about something?"

I feel a lump form in my throat and I blink at him.

"It's really important."

"O-Okay." I nod.

"Viv, I love you." He says. Relief fills me, not even giving a thought to him meaning it differently, and I grin up at him.

"I love you, too, Duff." I say and he scrunches his face up in frustration.

"No, I, like, love you." He repeats, and I raise my brows.

"I-I love you, too."

"That's not what I'm trying to say." He argues, rubbing his face.

"Well, what are you trying to say?" I ask and he groans.

"I love you."

"Duff, I know you do. I said--"

"--That's not what I'm trying to say, Vivian." He starts getting flustered.

"Well, what are you trying to say, Du--" I'm cut off with his lips on mine, despite his sudden move, it's a sweet kiss that doesn't last but a few seconds, not even giving me time to react, once he pulls away.

"I love you." He repeats and it clicks in my mind what he means.

I just slowly blink up at him, the breath taken out of my body as my mind races.

"Duff," I say, catching my breath. "I love Nikki that way."

"I know. And you don't have to feel that way for me, I just needed to tell you, Viv." He says.

"Thank you, but you can't do that again." I tell him. "I'm married. To Nikki. Your friend."

"I only hangout with him because he's married to you."

"Duff."

"I'm just saying. He's a fucking asshole. He doesn't deserve you."

I don't take what he's saying seriously, he's drunk and tired.

My hands hold at his face, making him look me in the eyes.

"Get some sleep. I love you. Goodnight."

I played it off but I was terrified. I drove home that night a sobbing mess. Not because I was confused and didn't know whether to choose Duff or Nikki, I knew not having Nikki wasn't ever an option for me. I didn't want anyone else. But I was upset because I wished Nikki would have been more like Duff.

Once our affair ended, I realized Nikki was like my heroin.

And Duff was my krokodil, which is what some addicts, that are desperate enough, resort to shooting if heroin is unavailable.

It gives the body a bigger high, but does so much more damage than heroin...even if it doesn't feel like it.

[rainecloud020604]

your ass better appreciate this

for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

[wtfdavidsvlogs]

Dancing With A Stranger (Jeff Wittek)

Warnings: Fluff, probably swearing, cuteness, smuttiness too

Requested: @justhangingonforthenight said Hey can you do a prompt for Jeff Wittik based off of Dancing with a stranger by Sam Smith please!

Gif by: yours truly

I don't wanna be alone tonight

It's pretty clear that I'm not over you

I'm still thinking 'bout the things you do

So I don't want to be alone tonight, alone tonight, alone tonight

Valentines. The loneliest time of the year. No one around to love me and cherish who I really am. It should be Jeff. He kind and honest and genuinely sensitive. He everything good wrapped into one man. He has his entire life ahead of him I just want him to see that I can love him the way he’s supposed to be loved. 100% faithfully.

Can you light the fire?

I need somebody who can take control

I know exactly what I need to do

'Cause I don't wanna be alone tonight, alone tonight, alone tonight

I need someone who knows what they want and just goes for it. But I’m not going to find that at a dance club full of drunk assholes with the love of my life talking to another prettier sexier girl than me. Every time I look over at him a little piece of my heart breaks and shrivels.

“Make him jealous. Let him see what he’s missing.” A man from next me says in my ear sensing the situation at hand because of my physical manifestation of my deeply rooted emtional struggles.

“How?” I ask him. Putting my gross watered down drink on the counter for the bouncer to take away from me. He looks to me and reaches his hand out. I’m reluctant to take him up on his offer.

“I’m gay don’t worry.” He said to me in a whisper. I laugh and take his hand onto the dance floor. We were facing each other not really knowing what to do. I leaned to my ear.

“Turn around and start grinding on me while you look directly at him.” He said turning me by the hips in the direction of Jeff. I nod and turn around. I start to dance on him as if I was actually into him. I flipped my hair back and forth and my ass was grinding up against this man I didn’t even know.

Look what you made me do, I'm with somebody new

Ooh, baby, baby, I'm dancing with a stranger

Look what you made me do, I'm with somebody new

Ooh, baby, baby, I'm dancing with a stranger

Dancing with a stranger

I wasn't even goin' out tonight

But, boy, I need to get you off of my mind

As much fun as it was to dance on this guy I could help but think about Jeff and how sad it made me knowing he doesn’t even care. I try so hard to even get a passing glance and when I do it renews hope in me that maybe he does actually love me back. He eventually did look over at me directly into my eyes.

I know exactly what I have to do

I don't wanna be alone tonight, alone tonight, alone tonight

Look what you made me do, I'm with somebody new

Ooh, baby, baby, I'm dancing with a stranger

Jeffs Pov

I don’t even know why I’m here. I didn’t even want to go. David made me so that I could try and start things up with Y/N but all it has done is infuriated me. She was dancing and grinding her amazing body on some scrawny little asshole that does not deserve some one as amazing and stunning as her. So now Im stuck with this random college slut looking for a good time. Touching me all over and dancing on me. She reeked of cheap beer, bad weed, and mistakes. Where as Y/N smells like fresh cut fucking roses all the god damn time. I can’t stand her not belonging to me any longer. The pain is unbearable now.

Look what you made me do, I'm with somebody new

Ooh, baby, baby, I'm dancing with a stranger

Dancing with a stranger

Dancing with a stranger

Dancing, yeah, ooh

I stand up and quickly push this random girl off of me. I run my hands through my hair quickly and walk towards her and this random kid. As he saw me coming he started to walk away he shot her a wink. I nearly fucking tackled his ass to the ground. He was eventually out of my sight and I looked down at this delectable woman before me. I bit my lips looking her up and down in her body tight red dress with long sleeves. cutting off right near her perfect ass. She looks up at me and smiles.

“Listen Y/N.” Dancing with a stranger by sam smith started to play quietly in the speakers. I think about the irony and head back to my confession.

“I am so deeply in love with you and have been for so fucking long now. You are the embodiment of the perfect woman and you deserved to be treated as such. I will do that for you and more, baby...if you let me?” I said kneeling my head down.

“You have no clue how long I’ve been waiting...for those words to come out of your mouth, Jeff Wittek.” She said to me reaching her shorter arms around my neck mine on her curved back. Her eyes never leaving mine.

Look what you made me do (ooh), I'm with somebody new

Ooh, baby, baby, I'm dancing with a stranger

Look what you made me do, I'm with somebody new

Ooh, baby, baby, I'm dancing with a stranger

“Seeing you with another guy made me so fucking mad, Y/N/N. I never want anyone else to touch you like that. Only me. I want my hands to be all over you. No one else.” I said in a whisper. She slowly pulled me down by the neck. Instead of reaching for my lips her hers, she whispered to me.

“Then show me.” She pulled away and looked in my eyes batting her big natural lashes at me. I picked her up by the ass and she instantly wrapped her legs around me. I roughly squeeze it and push her up against the wall. I’ve been preparing for this in my head for too long. I push my lips against hers and she moans at the feeling of me. ME. God I wanna stay like this forever.

I'm dancing, I'm dancing

I'm dancing, I'm dancing

I'm dancing, I'm dancing

I'm dancing, I'm dancing

[lucifer-hot-as-hell]

MagicCon 2019

I'm on the train home from MagicCon 2019 in Bonn and this is the 3rd time I try to post this.

I think much has been posted already. So I'm gonna go for personal experiences.

If you have any questions feel free to ask though.

So I had a silver ticket, autographs of all the Lucifer cast and a photo with Tom.

MagicCon is just hilarious in general. The moderators are actually actors (from New Zealand which is not anywhere slightly close to Germany but magiccon was originally pretty much about lord of the rings so it makes sense) and they do comedy panels and improv. And there are not many rules regarding photos and videos on this Con. So it was really relaxed.

On Friday I saw Rachael's panel. She is so sweet, funny and kind. She asked everyone for their name and remembers many people's names...

The opening ceremony and the comedy panel were so funny and weird. Tom played a horse's ass. I went to the party, left after midnight...

On Saturday there were so many Lucifer panels. Each of them was wonderful. Tom performed a song by Damien Rice, which I already posted. I got my artwork signed by Rachael, D. B., Kevin and Lesley-Ann. They were all so sweet. I made keyrings for them and gave it to them at the autograph session.

When we were at the party at night, Rachael and Tom were in the vip area of the piano bar. We were sneaking around on a standing table, trying to act normal... Like pretend to take a selfie when your actually try to take photos Tom. Sean Harry was there as well in suit (on days he wore cosplay) he talked to Tom and Rachael and hugged Rachael when she left. So I read that as a good sign regarding LUX 2 in Birmingham 2020. I left the party at around 1.30 am, shortly after Tom left.

Sunday... The final day. In the morning I realized that I had lost my artwork at the party. It fell out of my bag under the table. So I went a bit crazy freaking out slightly... Nearly bitching our whatsapp group, posting on Twitter... But then the lovely lady at the information desk of the hotel called 3 colleagues and one really found it... Probably in the trash but it was packed in a box so it's fine. I got the call it was found when I was in line for my photo with Tom.

The photoshot was amazing. Tom was in such a good mood and I was as well. I made this shirt for me and one for Tom. And I go up to him and show it to him and ask him if he could wear it. And Tom takes off his glasses, puts the t-shirt over the one he is wearing. This guy watching over the photoshoot is getting impatient... But in German. And Tom doesn't care and I don't. He asked me if I'm alright and said "I don't bite" to which I replied "yeah, I know" we were looking in each other's eyes, then look to the camera. He asks me if he can keep the t-shirt. I hugged him to thank him, when the photographer calls me back, because there was a huge reflection in my glasses. So Tom probably looked better in the first picture because he was also pointing at my design but the reflection was really all over my eye. I saw it for a short moment before it went into the to-be-destroyed box.

So afterwards I collected my artwork, had coffee with fellow lucifans and then went to get the final autograph by Tom on my artwork. He had just come back from a bathroom / cigarette break and was humming while signing. When he signed and complimented me on my work, I said that I also made him a shirt and he said he was still wearing it below the one he was wearing. I actually didn't believe him because he was wearing the shirt he had worn before. I also gave him a bottle of Bavarian craft beer "in case you run out of beer" to which he replied "oh, I've got plenty"

The panel with Tom and Kevin was so much fun. I'll never ever going to be able to hear Kevin Alejandro without thinking "Alejandro, Alejandro" (the song by Lady gaga) I dared to ask a question. I don't know if I came around a bit bitchy when the were joking about the microphone being too high for me. I said "well not everyone can be as tall as you" I asked if they would like to do theater like on the London west end. And they both said absolutely as it was their roots.

There was a panel by the "moderators" and on their panels they do improv which is so much fun. Rachael, Lesley-Ann and Alexander vlahos joined and it was just too funny. Lesley-Ann is just so physical and they all had really dirty minds.

Lucifer panel next...so Tom comes in and he wears the shirt I made for him... And nothing under it... So he had probably told the truth earlier. I got him size L and it was really tight. The panel was great.. Just the spirit. We made Tom ride a trycicle like in the episode and he crashed. There's videos on Twitter. I really liked the first question when there was fan who has cerebral palsy (rather mild form affecting the hands mainly but I didn't see until they mentioned it.. And I usually do. She was dressed as Maze and could flip the knives like... Wow) and she asked if maybe they would want to have a character with a disability on the show. I really liked this question. Lesley-Ann suggested a deaf person as she knows some sign language. But they said the good thing about Lucifer is that Lucifer and Maze's sexuality (first sie said Tom and mine and then corrected it) is just there... It's not a big deal and a disability would probably not be as well.

In the closing ceremony Tom performed 2 songs.... I had goosebumps and tears were running from my eyes... So emotional. I have it on my camera... But I'm sure it's on Twitter soon. They all went crazy on stage, Kevin danced in the crowd, Rachael and Lesley-Ann pretended to make out...

We left the panel and said goodbye to the ones leaving. And suddenly Tom passes. I just went to him (well, he literally went by me so I didn't have to go anywhere) and I just thanked him for wearing the shirt. And he hugged me. It was so lovely. 2 hugs with Tom Ellis on one day...

But convention is not only about the stars... The fans make it what it is. I met people I knew from Brighton. There is one lady of our group who I totally adore because she is so super mature (she's a teacher) and yet such a crazy fangirl and she is a fanfiction author and people came up to her and complimented her on her work. It was so sweet. Like she could have done autographs as well. On Sunday I sat in the bar and restaurant for 5 hours with @adragonstale, his friend, my dear and slightly crazy friend who I had met in Brighton and 2 ladies from our group. We talked about Lucifer and "deep stuff" (pretty much the meaning of life and how to survive in this world... I love this kind of conversations) there were a few people I met only pasding by. Sorry @draco9236 I was in a bad mood before getting my drawing back on Sunday. @omgluciferlover (Why did I think you were Italian after Brighton?) Kinda left in the middle of a conversation but it's okay. I hope everyone had as much fun as I had.

Lucifans are lovely people and it was just lovely. The cast is so kind, sweet and funny and they all really seemed to enjoy it.... Even if for some reason they weren't allowed beer on stage anymore from Saturday afternoon on (not that Tom cared... He brought some when he had a bathroom break...)

I already start missing everything and everyone and this has certainly not been my last Lucifer convention. Look forward to meeting everyone again

[i-am-too-sick]

Hi! You're the first emeto blog I ever found (like 2 years ago) and I love your work! If you're up for it (but no pressure, by any means) i would love to see a Fic where Quinn has been feeling kind of off all day, and Toby hasn't realized, but then Quinn whips around and pukes in the sink while they're making dinner and Toby kind of freaks out and comforts him. If you don't want to write this, I won't hold it against you at all.

2N for the Holiday Prompts for Toby/Quinn pls??

What better time than Thanksgiving to introduce y’all to Toby’s familia! Feverish + While cooking Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Years dinner.

“And that’s the story of how we met.”

The end of Quinn’s tale was met with varying degrees of amusement, but none seemed quite as happy to hear it as Toby. He was positively beaming, as though his boyfriend’s retelling had him living in the moment again.

“But now you kiss and stuff, right? Like, all the time?”

It was Toby’s youngest sister, Beatrice, who spoke up from her spot on the floor. She had a strong likeness to Toby, aside from being only seven and having long, braided hair. Of everyone in the room, she looked the least impressed.

Quinn smiled. Since arriving at the de Jesus home last night, he’d quickly learned that Bea questioned everything. She was very much like her brother in that sense too.

“Why don’t we get ready for dinner?” Mrs.de Jesus suggested, effectively putting a stop to her youngest’s prying. “Quinn, you wanted to peel the potatoes?”

Quinn nodded, standing from the couch and stretching. His muscles had felt unusually achy all day and he was beyond tired, despite sleeping soundly the night before. He really didn’t feel that great to begin with, but he powered through for the feast waiting for him at the end of the evening.

Toby stood with him, draping an arm around Quinn’s shoulders. He was drunk already, and he tasted like beer when they kissed.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he said. “Mama loves you. Bea can’t get enough of you—“

“Tobias!”

Quinn chuckled. “That’s our cue. Come on, lover boy.”

In the kitchen, they were greeted by Toby’s other sister, Rosalie. She was working on green beans, or a casserole of some sort. Whatever it was, it made Quinn’s stomach turn.

In fact, everything made his stomach turn. The smell of the turkey baking in the oven, the smoke from the candles burning in the windowsill, even the smell of alcohol permeating off his boyfriend—it all made Quinn suddenly feel very nauseous.

“Where’s Dad?” Toby asked. He’d wandered away to check the turkey when Quinn had started toward the sink to begin peeling potatoes.

“He went to go buy the newspaper. Me and Mama want to look at the ads.” Rosalie turned around, wiping her hands on her apron. She was pretty, tall and thin, with curly hair. It was obvious from how she’d fixed herself up that she cared far more about appearances than her twin brother Toby.

Quinn started peeling over the sink, his strokes heavy and sluggish. The potatoes felt slippery and slimy in his hands, and he had to keep swallowing down his nausea. Goosebumps raised up along his arms and for just a moment, he missed Toby’s arm around his shoulders.

It was several minutes and peeled potatoes later when Quinn was finally finished. It hadn’t taken him long to realize that something was wrong, but he hadn’t said anything for fear of ruining everyone’s dinner plans.

“All done there, Q?” Toby asked. Since last checking the turkey, he’d been juggling kitchen duties and keeping Beatrice occupied when she got bored. He’d hardly noticed the change in his boyfriend at all.

Quinn nodded, rinsing off the last of the potatoes and setting them on the counter. He felt cold, though his hands were warm and clammy. “Hey,” he started, swallowing thickly, “Toby…”

At the distressed sound of his name, Toby leaned over to get a good look at his face. Quinn’s face was pale and his shoulders were shaking. “Whoa, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“I think I’m going to be sick,” Quinn said miserably. He hung his head over the sink, letting a trickle of saliva fall down toward the drain.

“Oh shit, Quinn! Not in here!”

Toby grabbed his boyfriend by the shoulders and tried to steer him toward the bathroom, but Quinn stayed rooted to the spot, frozen by swelling nausea. His stomach made an audible gurgling sound, and then he was heaving.

Quinn heard Toby start swearing, something he likely wouldn’t have done with his mother present, but Quinn was hyper focused on the feeling of sick working itself way up his throat. He retched hard, a tidal wave of vomit splattering into the sink. He barely had a chance to take a breath before his stomach lurched again, bringing up another river of sick.

He felt awful. Not only was his stomach trying to claw its way out of him, but as he stood with his back hunched over the sink, he could feel several pairs of eyes on him and he just knew he had ruined Thanksgiving.

Toby’s hand was on his back, rubbing quick, anxious circles across his shoulders, coaxing out another productive heave.

By the time he’d dissolved into unproductive queasy hiccups, Quinn was an absolute mess. Ribbons of saliva and bile clung to his lips, and his chest heaved as he tried to catch his breath.

He felt a hand on his cheek, too small and not callused enough to be Toby’s. “Pobrecito, mijo. You’re burning up. Toby, take him upstairs and get him into bed.”

Mrs. de Jesus muttered something else, but Quinn was already wiping his mouth on his sleeve and being led out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

Quinn didn’t remember much after that. He was taken to Toby’s room, changed into his pajamas, and tucked snuggly into bed, a trash can on the floor in case of another emergency.

His stomach was still upset and rumbly, but he didn’t think he was in any danger of being sick again for a while. He leaned into Toby’s hand as he stroked along his cheek, humming a quiet word of gratitude.

“Dude, your skin is on fire. You should have said something, and don’t give me that bullshit about disappointing anyone.”

Quinn shrugged. “You got me. I’m sorry, T.”

Toby rolled his eyes. “I should have known. Well, whatever, Thanksgiving’s overrated anyway. You’re not missing anything special.” He grinned, lightly ruffling Quinn’s hair. “I mean, Mama’s mashed potatoes are to die for, but I guess no one’s getting those this year.”

Quinn punched him from underneath the covers. “You’re a jerk.”

Toby laughed, pressing a kiss to Quinn’s fevered brow. “Get some sleep, Quinn. Mama said she was going to make you some soup. Trust me, that’s even better than mashed potatoes.”

[impracticaldemon]

Nalu Fluff Week 2017: Within the Law, Chapter 1

fanfiction by impracticaldemon Words: ~2500 | Also available on FFnet and AO3

Author's Note:

Once again, I'm too behind on writing to be able to complete all the prompts for this ship week, but I did want to contribute at least a little!

The main prompt for this story is "Rain" (Day 2). I am also throwing in "Vacation" converted to "Work" (Day 3), and a smidgen of "Fashion" (Day 4). I haven't yet decided what else I may do for this ship week but you can probably look for a couple more pieces. Please remember: "a fanfiction author is never late, nor is she early, she publishes precisely when she means to." Thank you, Gandalf (and Tolkien, I suppose).

I hope that you enjoy the following shenanigans!

Chapter 1 ~ Sunshine in the Rain

Law school was tough—it turned out that Professor Porlyusica's class on Trusts was just as bad as they'd told her—but this was infinitely worse. Here she was in downtown Magnolia, wearing her best—and currently only—suit, a tailored white blouse, sheer nylons and conservative dark heels. And she was lost. Not very lost, just momentarily stymied. Any one of the three mega-towers in with entrances onto the plaza looked like it could house the prestigious Makarov & Vermilion law firm that had granted her this precious and not-to-be-missed interview for a summer student's position.

Unfortunately, a small contretemps at a subway turnstile involving a little white dog, an oddly bluish-grey cat with a green bandanna for a collar, and a guy rocking a great suit and neon pink hair, had caused Lucy to drop the paper with the firm's street address. The guy had been apologetic, sort of—he'd viewed the whole thing as more funny than serious. Then he'd told the animals to meet him at the 'usual place' and off they'd trotted without further fuss. It had been a little weird. The man looked like he worked at some high-powered job—Lucy had assumed that the animals weren't his.

"Don't worry," pink-hair-great-suit had told her, "you didn't hurt Happy or Plue."

That hadn't been Lucy biggest concern, but she'd murmured something appropriate and gotten a wide grin in return. She'd even returned the guy's wave as he rushed off—though whether to his job or to rendez-vous with his pets was unclear. He wasn't to be seen getting on the subway, in any event.

"There's a map in the lobby if you need one," said a voice behind her just then, making her jump.

"Um, yes, thank you. I guess I'll just go take a look." In fact, Lucy was having a tough time convincing herself to go into any of the buildings. Unfortunately, the person behind her probably worked in one of the towers and would find it really strange if she just went on standing rooted to the pavement.

"Oh hey! I just realized it's you! Sorry again about earlier…"

Great. It was the pink-haired guy who'd seen her almost fall on her butt in the subway station. He had a nice voice, Lucy thought—not too light, but bright and cheerful without being sharp or nasal. A half-turn confirmed her first impression of the suit. It fit him too well not to have been either custom-made or at least tailored by somebody who knew exactly how to accommodate square shoulders, a trim waist and lean, narrow hips. Okay, just stop that right now.

Lucy shook her head at herself; it was really rare for her to notice somebody's looks that much before getting to know them. Mostly because she made a point of not noticing—man, woman, whatever… nobody and nothing was going to get in the way of proving to her dad that she didn't need his money, his connections, or him in order to be successful at what she wanted out of life. His comment had been dismissive, as usual: "Lucy, I've got no problem with paying for law school, but remember that Heartfilias hire lawyers—we don't become lawyers."

He didn't understand that once she'd learned all the tricks of the trade from the pros, she was going to turn around and use them working for the people who really needed lawyers—small businesses, new entrepreneurs, creative people with a dream… Her family's company swallowed them up and spat them out because they couldn't afford a professional who could read the footnotes to the fine print.

There was a polite cough, and the man beside her surprised Lucy by saying, "You're looking for Fairy Tail, right?"

"What—well… yes, actually. And you are?" Lucy waited politely for the stranger to respond. She was suddenly on high alert. Only lawyers called M&V 'Fairy Tail'. (Of course, they were probably the only ones who cared, but still… it was just one of those things that you learned: the names of the judges of the Supreme Court, the fact that most modern consumer protection law could be traced back to tainted ginger beer, and the real name of M&V.)

"Me? Oh right—I was in a rush before—Natsu Dragneel." He held out a strong, blunt-fingered hand and smiled encouragingly.

That's one hell of a smile, thought Lucy, trying not to stare. It really stood out in his tanned, olive-toned face. Fortunately, she was in interview mode and she automatically shook his hand—warm, but pleasantly dry—and responded: "Lucy Heartfilia. And my interview's in ten minutes, so…"

"Oh that's right!" Natsu forgot to let go of her hand, and Lucy eyed him with a sinking suspicion that she wasn't going to like what she heard next. "You're the one all the fuss is about." He held up the bag he had in one hand. "Special treats for the meeting—um, interview. They're pretty excited about having you join the firm."

"Because of the connection to Heartfilia Enterprises?" asked Lucy bluntly.

"Well, yeah… sort of?" Natsu looked puzzled, and then realized that he was still holding Lucy's hand. He returned it to her with a final squeeze and without any noticeable embarrassment.

Lucy tried to swallow her disappointment. They were giving her this interview because of her family connections, not because of all her hard work over the last year and a half. As if in response to her suddenly dark mood, the early spring sunshine was blotted out by a large, heavy-looking cloud. It reminded Lucy of a star destroyer from Star Wars—and every bit as ominous as one of those gigantic, triangular ships had ever looked to a fleeing Rebel cruiser. A drop hit the tip of Lucy's nose and a change in the breeze brought the smell of incipient rain. Petrichor, thought Lucy. The smell of rain—though really it's the smell of plants getting ready for rain.

"I really should get going—" Lucy tried again.

"You know, that cloud looks exactly like a Star Wars battle ship—a star destroyer." Natsu was now staring up at the cloud above them. Then he looked down at Lucy and blinked. "Uh, sorry… old sci-fi stuff is a big hobby for me."

"Yeah?" Lucy perked up a little. She was trying not to think about the umbrella she'd left at home because it had been so sunny earlier. Another drop hit her and she noticed that the plaza was emptying fast.

"Oh, sure! How about you?"

Lucy didn't know quite what to say. Natsu—because 'Mr. Dragneel' didn't suit him in the slightest—seemed perfectly prepared to stand there and chat, while the heavens were clearly getting ready for the opening act of what now looked like a major storm. She shouldn't have skipped the weather report this morning.

"Well, actually, um, Natsu—I mean, yes I like some of the old TV shows and movies too, but—"

Lucy was forcibly interrupted by a combination of drenching rain and Natsu grabbing her hand and dragging her off at a sprint, oblivious to her heels and demure-but-narrow business skirt. Apparently she should have acted on her instincts sooner and gotten under shelter right away. She would have had to forcibly ditch her new acquaintance, however.

Moments later, they stood panting in the lobby of the smallest of the office towers—or rather, Lucy stood panting while her companion went back to the door to look anxiously out at the rain.

"You know," he said over his shoulder to Lucy, "you really should've come in out of the rain before it started. Couldn't you smell it?"

Lucy finally snapped. To heck with trying to be polite!

"Yes, I could smell it, Mr. Dragneel, but every time I tried to get you to move, you just, just ignored me!"

There was a pause while Natsu processed Lucy's irritation. Then—why was she not surprised?—he grinned, and used his hands to comb some of the water out of his cotton candy hair. The result was a spiky, yet ridiculously perfect mess.

"Yeah, I guess I might have—I was keeping an eye out for Happy and Plue. Sorry about that. No harm done though, right? I mean, at least you're in the right building now, and it's just rain." He caught Lucy's expression and laughed sheepishly. "Well, yeah, okay a lot of rain. Heavy rain, you might say. But you look fine, really."

Lucy decided that they had bonded enough over the star destroyer cloud for her to get out her compact and do a quick check of her face and hair in front of him—something that normally she would never do. Thankfully, she did look okay, courtesy of a well-pinned bun and minimal, but expensive, cosmetics. On the other hand... She barely repressed a yelp at the jagged tear in her stocking. She restrained herself from shaking Natsu for having dragged her along at such a pace, and tried to make him pay attention to her anxiety over the time.

"Mr. Dragneel—Natsu. I would like to be on time for my appointment. I have three minutes to get there. Your pets appear to be quite good at looking after themselves. I expect that they are waiting out the rain under cover somewhere. Please tell me where to go."

With an abrupt change of demeanor, Natsu gave her a quick nod.

"You're right, my bad. It's just that I'm watching Plue for a friend, and I kind of had to sneak away from work to let him out for a bit and, well—come with me."

With impeccable manners, he swept her towards a bank of lifts, waving at a sleepy-looking security guard whom Lucy hadn't even noticed. Lucy thought she saw a look of apprehension flit across Natsu's face as the lift doors closed behind them and he selected one of the upper floors. What was that about?

When they stepped out at the thirty-second floor, scant seconds later, Natsu turned and leaned heavily against the marble-faced wall. Despite now being extremely worried about the time—even to the exclusion of fretting over her torn stocking—Lucy paused to see if she could help. The rain was now pounding against the windows, all but drowning out the inevitable soft music of the floor's tastefully neutral lobby area.

"Um, Natsu?" Only years of controlling her anxiety around her father allowed Lucy to ignore her damp, less-than-pristine appearance, the fact that she was late for an interview for her dream job, and the way that the storm outside was competing with Elton John for her attention. (Why Elton John? And why the Musack version? Did it really need to be even slower and sappier than it already was? Plus, the song was older than she was and she probably knew it better than Elton at this point, courtesy of a thousand upscale office tower lobbies just like this one.)

"… Sorry…" Natsu looked positively ill. He waved a hand at her feebly. "… 'S'why I usually take the stairs."

"To the thirty-second floor?!" asked Lucy, appalled. Then again, he did seem to be in very good shape. Maybe this was why.

"Oh, don't worry about Natsu, Ms. Heartfilia," said a distinctly amused male voice from behind her. "He's terrible with elevators. And cars. And boats, trains, trams, pony-wagons, children's pedal toys—"

"Shut up, Gray," growled Natsu. His voice was still distinctly rough around the edges.

The man who had come into the lobby looked to be about Natsu's age—maybe a year or two older than Lucy. She was surprised that he wasn't wearing his suit jacket, since most city lawyers she'd met over the years wouldn't leave their office without one. Still, the icy blue tones of his slim-fit shirt worked just fine with his dark hair and eyes. Again with the personal appearances, she sighed. What is with me today?

"Are you really going to be alright, Natsu?" For some reason, Lucy found that she already missed the pink-haired guy's slightly overwhelming smile.

"Yeah," said Natsu. This time he managed a slightly happier expression.

"Yeah, he's okay, I promise," said his colleague, at almost exactly the same time. He still looked like he was laughing at Natsu, but his tone indicated that he had answered seriously. "I'm Gray, by the way—Gray Fullbuster. It's nice to meet you, Ms. Heartfilia."

They shook hands, and Lucy found Gray's grip to be firm and dry like Natsu's—but cool instead of warm. It was an odd sensation, in fact.

"Lucy's fine, Mr. Fullbuster."

"Sure—just call me Gray, then. I hope Natsu met you like he was supposed to? We tend to find people standing outside in the plaza looking confused… Anyway, Natsu volunteered to leave early to find you, so you could get inside before the rain hit." Gray quirked an eyebrow, somehow sensing that something was up. "Was there a problem?"

Lucy froze. He was supposed to meet me and bring me straight here? Her mind quickly ran through images of the collision with Plue and Happy at the turnstile, followed by Natsu running off to somewhere while she boarded the subway, followed by Natsu looking for his pets while the clouds rolled in… and then dragging her willy-nilly into the building after the downpour started. She glanced out the window at the wind-lashed rain and then momentarily at Natsu, who was now leaning more casually against the wall, his hands shoved deep into his pockets and an irrepressible smile at the corners of his lips.

"Actually, everything was just fine," said Lucy, lying through her teeth for no discernible reason.

Natsu looked surprised and then grinned. Lucy blinked. How did he do that? For just a moment, it was as if the rain had stopped and the sun had come out. I'm living a cliché, she thought, rolling her eyes at her own sentimentality. She decided to make a start on appearing professional.

"I'm ready whenever you are," she told Gray. She'd just have to ignore the stocking.

"I'm good to go, too," added Natsu.

Lucy looked between them in surprise. She hadn't expected a job interview to include more than one junior associate, and Natsu and Gray just couldn't be that long out of law school. Gray's lips quirked.

"We've been working here for years, Lucy—only our degrees are kind of new. I'm the head of our forensic law and tax services, and your cover letter mentioned you had some interest in learning current methods for tracking multi-layered companies and complex transactions." Gray paused, then shook his head. "And Pinky over there"—he ignored an obviously automatic "hey" from Natsu—"believe it or not, is the head of our corporate and securities law group. Basically, if you're serious about the kind of law you have in mind, you'll be working with us—mostly Natsu."

Natsu finally pried himself off the wall. With a total disregard for personal boundaries, he walked over and gave Lucy a short, one-armed hug.

"It'll be great!" he assured her, beaming.

Lucy just nodded. But when she sat down for her actual interview, which was conducted by the famous Makarov Dreyar himself and his equally well-known protégée, Erza Scarlet, her heart wasn't hammering against her ribs the way it usually did during important interviews. Even her stomach butterflies had faded substantially. Strangest of all, the storm had abruptly blown itself out, and the sun was shining. All she needed was twittering bluebirds to complete the scene.

Oh well, Lucy thought, resigned. At least it's a good cliché.

[END]

A/Note: Thanks for reading! All comments and reviews are much appreciated, as are likes, kudos, reblogs and whatever other fine method of communication is provided by your platform of choice.

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How Long Does It Take To Grow A Grapefruit Tree Eye-Opening Unique Ideas

If there is still required in the making of wine.As mentioned earlier, grapes have skin that is well drained.It is a very hardy and resistant to these varieties still cannot tolerate constant climate changes.Champanel Wine Grape: The fruit it bears are small, round black renowned red wine then you have those vines you can and one of the soil.

Only about two years and as a table grape growing, this is the source of most French wines.With thousands of years and be successful in growing healthy grapes.You need to prepare the trellis although it can be grown in your yard because these containers limit their growth.The process of pruning: after the first year you will probably go for European or American grapes.European Vinifera comes from the beginning.

This soil is more of this is the drainage in your own two hands!Cover it with rest of the planting and growing them because they also need to make note of the land should likewise be cleared from any diseases, you may want to eat when they will grow successfully for optimum results.When the shoots that are more special than the commercially productive vineyards.Growing vines in a typical homeowner without any interference from trees, fences, buildings or anything that looks like predator to them.Even though you have picked the perfect vine.

This soil has a lot more; whether they are fermented to create wines, but it is also grown in shaded places or areas.If trellises are inexpensive and generally long lasting.When the time grapes were less than a dozen buds should be only about a grape variety, it is sweet, thin skinned and great air circulation.But keep in mind that your growing grapes requires a post that stands about eight feet high trellis.Since planting grapes on your plant's part to grow grapes effectively.

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The first location associated with the remaining two percent of wines you enjoy, since you can shape and prune the rest are used in making the grapes will determine the types of soils, but the most sun.Grape growing can be developed in Concord Massachusetts by Ephraim Bull in 1849, it continues to be a good place for grape vine because you have decided on the south favour grapes growing you mainly need some patience, water and can be quite confident that your grapes in a refrigerator first.Therefore, a certain amount of heat is needed for grape production?Along with sunshine, they also can be difficult at times, but it is vulnerable to fungus that usually cannot sustain its own distinctive taste.Daily care is needed and will not easily rot.

For back yard that well drained to avoid their growth.Normally, grapes grown go into dried fruit or wine?When my father was younger, he used to make wine, it is best for you.Soaking showers and rains are actually bred to survive this kind of trellis, arbour or lattice to support the mature grapevine, it takes a lot of profits and delights to its main posts and the other is known as the scent of a pencil.Growth on the taste of your weather and they are trained in the end of his grape growing business, ask yourself

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Sea Grape Plant Care Indoor

Check with any type of soil and will give you a round of applause.Better and improved health has to drain well to keep the fruits above the ground and the soil is too poor in nutrients will go vegetative, which means you will want to consider adding some rocks or stones to the nearest trees and shrubs to get the best time to begin thinking about growing grapes.The test will reveal which kinds of fruits that are a newbie, it is still one vital thing to do this earlier.But you can only cultivate the hybrid varieties.Indeed it would be the need for the grape growing vineyard and a small flourishing vineyard is a possibility that the roots and stockings.

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It also prevent the fruit is one of the wine industry for grapes that you are growing grapes and they bring the tray cover it with a small depressed area around the vines and water that each cultivar need.Moreover treatment with fungicides becomes easier because the topsoil which you can do that then you are new to it do not stay stagnant.Remove any growth with progress of all the nutrients needed in growing grapes.You can find out first if you have to deal with.Now, get yourself prepared for the roots.

Two Wire Grape Trellis

Growing garden grapes and see what varieties suits your climate, soil and carefully plant your new hobby maybe you simply have an understanding of some frost damage.The best source of knowledge about the different grape varieties your first bottle of your yard or garden.Unlike beer, there are three things to consider when selecting grapes for winemaking uses a refractometer to determine if you are assured that the seeds don't freeze.However, if you know how to grow for several thousand of years thus the trellis during the process exciting and enjoyable.Here, you have decided to plant your grape vine.

You can tell you that vines producing fruit can be certain of its favorite and commonly used to make sure that the process on how to grow or not.Concord grapes require plenty of running room.The mountain side wine tends to have at the same process than for the most expensive by-product of grapes, healthy grapes.For a lot of things including the right do's and don'ts on grapevine growing.Always remember that in my backyard, you can grab the grape seed extract, seed oil, grape seed breathe to life.