#I don't mean to sound negative here btw

[inkblackorchid]

Feeling such an urge to go back and finally clean up the duel in Mirror these days. You have a Mirror, but do you see Yourself really is my ugly duckling in terms of fics somehow. I still love the premise, writing Sherry and Aki interacting was a delight, but with the large timeskip between To Bloom and Mirror, the slightly botched duel, and the fact that it really only works in tandem with the other stories, I'm not surprised it's getting the least attention. Really needed it for setup, though....

[nereidprinc3ss]

hii i love love how u write spencer omds🥸

uhh i was wondering if you could write sth based off the song “we’ll never have sex” by leith ross? pls dont feel pressured to write this btw😭😭😭 hope ur having a good day lovely💗💗

hello my love i have no self control so this is extremely long and plotty but i love this song and i hope that this is any good at all crying emoji (i'm on a laptop LOL) enjoy!!

warnings/tags: angst/fluff, fem!reader, negative self-talk from reader, mentions of past sexual coercion/feeling used, mentions of past excessive drinking to combat social anxiety, ive been watching a lot of new girl lately and i think it shows, SO FRIENDS TO LOVERS, happy ending

You weren’t expecting to end up on Spencer Reid’s worn-leather couch at two in the morning, clutching a chipped mug of coffee in your hands as you listen to the sounds of the city from the street below. But there you are, sitting with your legs folded under you, in your favorite dress and first date-night makeup (now bleeding and smudged from all the crying.) And realizing that despite considering him one of your closest friends, you haven’t been to his apartment in a long time. There are, of course, good reasons for that—but you try to push those from your mind. 

“I’m really sorry about this,” you sigh, staring at your warped reflection in the glassy black surface of your coffee. Spencer is coming out of the small kitchen, now bearing his own cup. 

“Please, stop apologizing.” 

You glance up, tentatively studying him from behind the safety of your mug. While he may not have been asleep when you knocked on his door ten minutes ago, lachrymose and barely verbal, he must have been getting ready for bed. He’s clad in patterned pajama pants, mismatched socks, and an FBI crewneck that is just big enough to reveal the collar of the tee-shirt underneath. He’s already taken out his contacts, and you were startled by the reminder that he also has glasses. 

“So...” he begins, bringing you back to the present moment, “we don't have to talk about anything, if you don’t want to, but...” 

You sigh, watching coffee bubbles swirl like stars in a galaxy. 

“It’s fine. Honestly, I’m kind of embarrassed. I didn’t really think, I just... ended up here.” 

“Yeah... where did you come from?” he laughs quietly. “Not that I’m complaining. But I recall you not living super close by.” 

“No, no. I was actually on a date. Kind of.” 

“Ah.” There’s a beat of silence, and ostensibly Spencer is waiting for you to say more, but instead you take a sip from your mug. “At two in the morning?” You nod dully, staring at the labyrinthine pattern of the Persian rug.  

“I’m taking it that it wasn’t a very good date...?” 

A whoosh of air escapes from your puffed cheeks. 

“No it was not. Not by the end, anyway. It actually started really well, which made it even more disappointing when he...” you laugh, but there’s not much humor in it. “Well, when he kicked me out of his car on a street corner because I didn’t want to sleep with him.” 

You don’t look to see Spencer’s reaction—only take another long, baleful sip of coffee and ignore the heavy silence.  

“I’m really sorry. You... you deserve so much better than that.” 

An attempt at a jaded scoff from you falls flat. 

“Yeah, well. Tell that to the last three white house interns I’ve gone on dates with. It’s the same thing every time.” 

“Have you considered going on fewer dates with white house interns...?” The nervous humor is a thin veil over genuine critique. You shrug, biting the inside of your cheek. 

“It’s not just them. Every single guy I’ve liked since I was 15 has been like this. Even my past relationships, I felt like I was almost... tricked into, you know? I mean, these guys, they act all understanding and willing to take it slow or whatever, until you’re in a relationship, and suddenly they’re guilt tripping you so hard and making you feel so obligated to...” you catch yourself just in time, glancing up at Spencer. You’re not sure what to make of his expression. The drawn brow and slightly squinted eyes trained so intently on you could be sympathy, or anger, or pity, or apathy—you look away, not sure you even want to know what he’s thinking. “Sorry. You don’t need to hear all about that. Basically romance is exhausting and since I’ll clearly be single forever I’m considering running away to join a nunnery.” 

When he doesn’t respond for too long, you look back up quizically. 

“I’m not sure you know what romance actually is,” he says as soon as your gaze meets his, like the eye-contact activated some kind of hair-trigger in his vocal box. 

You blink, lowering the coffee cup to your lap. 

Says Spencer Reid? 

“...sorry?” 

He flushes, stammering to clarify himself. 

“I just meant—I—I know I’m not exactly fighting women off with a stick—” he interrupts himself with a self-conscious (adorable) laugh— “but... but I have been in love, at least once.”  

“Maeve,” you say, gently—trying to shove down bitter guilt as you remember how jealous you’d been when Spencer had first told you about her. “I remember.” 

He swallows and nods. 

“We never even met—we just talked. All the time. I had no idea what she looked like. But it didn’t matter at all. Because I knew her, and I loved her. Maybe things would have gone further if I hadn’t been calling her from public phone booths, but that wasn’t the most important thing to either of us. We were still in love.” You try to shut out the sharp ache in your chest. Being jealous of the way he speaks about a dead woman is so wrong.  

“What I’m trying to say is that romance isn’t solely about sex, or even physical appearance. It sounds to me like you’ve been with a lot of men who don’t understand that. And it would be such a shame for you to write romance off in general before you even get to experience it. You are... an extraordinary woman. You’re funny, and intelligent, and kind, and so capable of being loved. One day, someone is going to see beyond your pulchritude and prove that to you. I hope you let them try.” 

More tears blur the pattern on the rug, pooling in the rims of your eyes before spilling down your cheeks in fast, fat drops. Shakily you set the cup down, resting your elbows on your knees and hiding your face in your hands. You sniff once. Twice. Shake your head quickly, attempting to wipe the tears away without further smearing your makeup everywhere. 

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Spencer breathes, leaning forward but obviously unsure how to comfort you. “Please don’t cry, I wasn’t--I was trying to do the opposite of this.” 

“No, I’m sorry! You didn’t have to—you didn’t—I’m sorry. That was way too nice.” 

But you're not crying because he was nice.  

Someone will love you, but not me. That’s all you can hear. 

His voice is a mere whisper when he next speaks. 

“I meant every word.” 

You take a shuddering breath, allowing yourself a moment of reprieve behind the peaceful black of your eyelids. You can’t be looking at his face when you say what you’re about to say. 

“I had a crush on you for the longest time, you know.” 

Ringing silence. But it doesn’t last as long as you’d imagined. It’s not as world ending. 

“Had?” 

The little smile in his voice is like a fist around your heart. 

“Yeah. You know what changed?” 

“What’s that?” 

Absolutely nothing. 

“Every time I got super drunk and started hitting on you, you’d just drive me home. And I did it a lot. Like, for months. But you were such a gentleman. It drove me fucking crazy. So eventually I figured you just didn’t like me and I gave up.” 

Another stretch of silence. A breeze comes in from the open window, fluttering the curtains and cooling the tears on your face. His response is sad when it finally comes. 

“You thought I didn’t like you because I didn’t try to take advantage of you when you were drunk?” 

“Pretty much.” You smile ruefully, fingertips still pressed over your eyes. “God, listen to me. No wonder I get treated like garbage.” 

“Stop. Don’t talk about yourself like that. Did you hear anything I just said?” 

You sniff, looking to the ceiling. 

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. It was really sweet.” 

More silence. 

“But you don’t believe it.” 

A bitter laugh poisons the air around you. 

“I don’t know.  I’m kind of tired of waiting for someone to prove it to me. Just for once, I want someone to be interested in me beyond having sex in the back of their fucking... Range Rover, or whatever. Like, maybe all that stuff you said is true, but there’s no evidence to support it, and I know logically you’re probably right but I can’t help wondering if... if I’m the outlier. Maybe there just isn’t someone for me like that. Maybe I’m just gonna be the sex in the back of the Range Rover girl forever.” 

A noise somewhere between a laugh and a sob forces itself from your throat and you bury your face in your hands again, shaking your head. 

“Wow, I am so sorry,” you say a little too loudly, “I did not mean to be this honest tonight. Did you spike my coffee?” 

“You are not the outlier,” Spencer whispers.  

You sniff, lifting your head haltingly to look at him. 

“What?” 

His voice shakes slightly as he speaks. 

“You said you can’t help wondering if you’re the outlier, and maybe there just isn’t someone for you like that. That’s not true.” 

“Spencer, those are just words. You can’t possibly know that. Statistical probabilities don’t count.” 

“That’s... that’s not how I know.” 

Your heart drops as you study his face.  

No. 

Surely he’s not saying what you think he’s saying. 

Surely he wouldn’t do this to you after you’ve just told him everything you told him. You have been harboring feelings for him for years. Since you met. He can’t just spring this on you one night because you’re a little bummed out. If he felt the same, you would have found out a long time ago; he had ample opportunity to tell you. There was a period of months where you practically threw yourself all over him at every chance you got, and he did nothing. So this... this is just cruel—something you’ve never known Spencer Reid to be. 

You stand up, trembling slightly with rage and grief and humiliation. 

“Don’t do that. Don’t say things that you don’t mean just to make me feel better.” 

“What are you doing? Don’t--” 

You scoop up your purse, trying to get to the front door as fast as your gelatinous legs will allow. More tears are streaming down your face now and you don’t need him to see what he’s done to you—to see how much you care what he thinks. 

“It’s fine. Thanks for the coffee, I’ll see you around—” 

A hand around your wrist stops you in your tracks 

“Stop. Just... please give me a second to talk, okay?” 

With nothing left to give, you turn to him. 

“Don’t be mean, Spencer. Don’t act like you liked me too. That makes me feel... so much worse.” 

He takes a deep, shaky breath, as if steeling himself. Tawny eyes bore into your soul, and you realize that there is so much sheer nervous energy radiating off of him it’s infectious. Your heart begins to pound as he speaks. 

“I’m not doing that. I’m being an idiot, because you just told me that you don’t feel that way about me anymore but... but I do. And I have to tell you now because for six months I tortured myself wondering why you would flirt with me so much when you were hammered and then act like nothing happened the next day. There were so many times I almost told you how I felt but I didn’t and now I am because even if it ruins our friendship you need to know that somebody... that I wanted to be that person for you. I still do.” 

Your heart is like an unmoored zeppelin in your chest, bumping against your esophagus and threatening to either burst or jump out of your mouth. You take your chances, whispering so quietly it’s almost inaudible. 

“You... you like me?” 

“Yes,” Spencer sighs. “I have liked you for a very long time. And I’m sorry—” 

Whatever ridiculous thing he was going to apologize for, you don’t give him the chance. Instead you launch yourself at him, capturing his lips in a kiss that feels so much better than it’d ever been in your fantasies because it’s real. You hear his sharp intake of breath, but it only takes a second for him to respond, cradling your face in his hands like you’re the entire world. For a moment, time bends. Years of longing, of buried dreams crash into the present in a brilliant, dazzling explosion.

And then, as quickly as it started, he pulls away. The absence of his touch is like a vacuum, so much worse now that you know exactly how it feels to have his lips on yours, even if it was only for a few seconds. How the hell did you live like that for so long? How are you supposed to live like that ever again?

“You’re not thinking clearly,” he breathes, tilting his head back toward the ceiling like he’s barely holding onto his self control. “You just want someone to comfort you, I’m not going to take advantage of you when you’re in an emotionally vulnerable state and confided in me which is manufacturing a false sense of attachment—” 

You grab his wrists, which still graze your jaw.

“Spencer, stop intellectualizing for thirty seconds. I promise you I am thinking clearly.” 

“You said you used to like me, past tense—” 

“Yeah, I did. Do you believe every single murderer who says he didn’t do it?” 

“No, but—” 

“Have you ever heard the phrase; a drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts?” 

“Of course I have.” 

“Then what more could you possibly need to be convinced that I really like you? I already kissed you! What is stopping you?” 

Another deep breath is taken by him that seems to suck all the air out of the quiet room. Briefly, you wonder if you’ve made a terrible, terrible mistake. If you really do like him so much more than he could ever like you.  

Until he looks back down, eyes so golden-brown in the dim light, so kind and full of affectionate concern as he carefully assesses every square centimeter of your face, looking for... well, you’re not exactly sure what. It’s like he’s extracting every thought from your head, turning them over like sun-warmed stones until he finds what he’s looking for. He smooths his hands over your hair, brushing strands away from your teary face. Finally, after what feels like an eternity of holding your breath, he speaks. 

“I just want you to believe what I believe about you. But I don’t want you to have to rely on me or anyone else for your own self-worth.” 

“Well, don’t you think very highly of yourself,” you tease with a sniffle. He laughs—it's quiet, but his smile is so bright without even trying that suddenly you can’t remember why you’ve ever been sad. The small miracle of his laughter makes you feel so light, and you realize it has nothing to do with the way he makes you feel about yourself. It has everything to do with who he is. 

Once the giggles die down, you tentatively mirror his hold on your face. 

“Spencer, I don’t like you because you like me. I’ve liked you for an embarrassingly long time. I liked you enough that I gave myself a severe hangover at least once a week for three months just so I could have an excuse to flirt shamelessly with you.” 

A half-sad smile pulls at the corner of his mouth, and he gently swipes under your eyes. 

“You never had to do that. I would have welcomed your sober brazen flirting with open arms.” 

“Well... do you believe me?” you plead. His amber eyes shine. 

“I do.” 

“Will you kiss me?” 

“If that’s what you want.” 

You nod, rising on your toes to meet him halfway. 

When your lips meet again, it is sweet, and honest, and slow, and deep. Still, there is no desperation--no race to an imagined finish line, no clash of teeth and pawing hands. It is a kiss for the sake of it—as if it were the greatest intimacy. Not a precursor to sharing a bed, but something bigger than that in and of its own. Something just as worthy and important. For the first time, you think you’re beginning to understand romance. And while you wouldn’t mind if things did escalate, you also know that Spencer knows that’s not what matters right now. Because he actually understands you—he actually cares. He will wait until you understand that you mean so much more than that to him.

To that end, he pulls away, gently supplanting his absence with a kiss to the corner of your mouth. 

“It would be polite of me to offer you a ride home, wouldn’t it?” he whispers, like it’s the last thing he wants to do. You bite the inside of your cheek, coming up with reasons not to go. One ridiculous one arises from the depths of your memory that you know he won’t be able to say no to. 

“Or... I could stay here, and we could watch one of those nerdy foreign films you’re always talking about?” 

A slow, perfect, high-watt smile blossoms on his face, and you know you’ve said exactly the right thing. 

“Nerdy? Oh, my darling girl... Soviet-era filmography is far from nerdy. небесная машина will completely defy what you thought you knew about the life of an average Russian villager in the 1950’s.” 

“Oh, good. Because I’ve really been meaning to change the way I think about the average 1950’s Russian villager,” you smile, already closing in to kiss him again. 

------------------------------------------ 

epilogue

Three hours later, you’re crying because the life of the average Russian villager in the 1950’s was so much worse than you’d previously thought. 

“It was good, right?” Spencer asks as the credits roll over a bleak snowy sepia landscape, leaning back to get a better look at you. You sit up from where you’d been leaning against him, furiously wiping your eyes. 

“It was terrible! Why didn’t you tell me that everyone except the kid dies in the end?!” 

“Because that’s the whole point of the movie!” he laughs, pulling you back into him. “I’m sorry. I probably should have explained how depressing this entire era of film was outside of the US.” 

“And also how long the movies were. I was not prepared for how many five minute long clips of empty fields there were going to be.” 

“You’re right,” he ammends, wrapping his arms around you in a way that gives you butterflies and makes you sleepy at the same time. “Next time we can watch whatever you want to watch.” 

Time passes like that—you in his arms, watching weak light slowly flood the room with half-lidded eyes and listening to the sounds of the city waking up from the street below, underscoring the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. Thoughts float by like leaves on the ever-flowing current of your mind, and you’re happy to let them pass until one in particular catches your attention. 

“Spencer?” 

He hums, like he’d been deep in his own proverbial river of thought. 

“What does pulchritude mean?” 

It takes him a split second to remember the bit of conversation from earlier to which you are referring, but when he does, he chuckles, running his hand over your messy hair. 

“Don’t worry about it.” 

And so you let it float away. 

[gunsandspaceships]

Tony’s behavior: Kid

I spent a few days working on some posts about Tony, Howard and Steve, but ultimately came to the conclusion that I needed to do an analysis of Tony's behavior at all stages of his life first. So here is the first post of a new short series.

To see a real person as he is, without masks, habits, traumas and other alterations (which we call “personality development”), the best we can do is to look at him in childhood.

What do we see in kid Tony?

We don't have much, but we have some.

September 1973. Tony is supposed to be 3 years old here. He doesn’t look like that, because at the time the scene was filmed, the actor was 5 years old. But okay, let's close our eyes to these discrepancies in dates (by the way, this is not the first time we see them) and imagine that he is Tony between 3 and 6 years old.

He’s playing in his father’s office while the latter is filming EXPO stuff.

From his actions here we see that:

He is playful, as he should be at this age. There are three possible explanations for what Tony is doing in this scene: 1) he wanted to prank his father by removing one of the models from the desk; 2) he was trying to get his father's attention; 3) was just playing without a specific goal. If it was a prank, it means he was already a prankster, and his sense of humor was already developed at that age. If it was a way to get his father’s attention – he got a negative sort of it, which certainly was not what he wanted. And if he was just playing – it sounds more like a child his age.

Judging by his confusion when Howard noticed him and started yelling, and the fact that he was in no hurry to hide the model after he took it, this was not a prank. And looking at the same confused Tony with the model in his hands, we can say it was not an attempt to get attention. So the most logical explanation is the third - he was just playing around. Here is additional confirmation of the conclusion: “he sneaks into his dad’s office and picks up a building from a miniature cityscape on the desk. He also stands on the desk and, in what sounds like an interesting bit of foreshadowing, plays with a golden plane, making it dip and soar in the air.” (Source). So indeed, he was just playing with interesting things that looked like toys in his father’s office while his dad was busy with other people doing some silly adult things. Which means – no, he wasn’t a prankster or an attention seeker. He was a normal kid.

He minds his own business. He is not trying to attract attention to himself or interfere with the adults' work. When he picked up the model, he didn't seem to know they were filming. The unreleased scene where he plays with a plane is also indicative of this.

He is brave. He is not afraid to play around a bunch of people, in the office of his strict father, or to touch his things. He doesn’t need his mother’s presence to feel confident to play there. Looks like he already used to it. He is not afraid of strangers and doesn’t show any distress when a guy from the filming crew picks him up and carries him away. Btw, where exactly was his mother is another question.

He is calm. When he was caught by Howard, he did not show any strong reaction to this, nor to Howard's anger, nor to his removal from Howard's office. He was CALM. How many kids this age have you seen who would not show their displeasure, throw a tantrum, cry or get scared? These reactions are natural at this stage of cognitive development: children from 2 to 6 years old are egocentric by default and react sharply to any restrictions on their will. As we can see, this was not Tony's case.

He is quiet. In this scene and throughout the filming for the EXPO (during which he was presumably in the office), he did not speak a word or make a sound.

He does what he is told. When Howard told him to put the model back in its place, he immediately obeyed.

He is neat. He carefully put the model back to its exact place. Have you ever seen kids who put toys back in their place? Huh?

From this deleted scene we can get the following:

Tony is a sleepyhead. Howard tried his best to wake him up, dragging him out of bed, carrying him around, touching, patting, talking and shouting in his ear. But despite his father's best efforts, Tony did not wake up. Superpower, no less.

Tony is trusting. Despite the fact that his father, who had recently yelled at him, took him sleeping in his arms and carried him somewhere, Tony did not wake up in a panic, but rather slept calmly on his father’s shoulder.

He is not resentful. Despite Howard's behavior towards him, spending time with his father was important to Tony. He was important to him. And nothing changed that.

Scientifically and technologically brilliant. That’s an easy one. There is no evidence so far that he had other deviations. A normal kid in everything else.

Does not spend much time with other kids. Or none at all. There are no other kids that we can see, only adults: his father, photographers, journalists, Bill Gates, Stane. There are no childhood friends we heard about. Here is an explanation that seems realistic and logical based on our observations (at this point): his parents were too busy with their own affairs, whatever they were, to take him to other children and "waste time" on this "useless activity", besides, Howard did not support Tony's normal childhood activities, and playing with his peers was one of them, plus Tony was not too eager to insist, due to his moderate introversion.

Loves riding and interacting with animals. We can see his happy expression when he is riding a horse in the first childhood picture.

It is clear from the video and photos that he is not posing or showing off. Some kids do. And according to popular perceptions of Tony, he should have behaved that way too. But he didn't. His behavior is calm, even a little shy. The smiles are soft, no grinning, no gestures or anything like that.

These are traits of pure Tony, without the added layers of “personality” and “character development.” There are no signs of personality disorders, attention-seeking behavior, aggression, laziness, sloppiness or other negative traits. If you see any – let me know in the comments. On the contrary, he is very calm, quiet, independent, brave, curious, obedient, careful, and easygoing. I am actually very impressed and would be happy to have a kid like him.

Next time we will see how he changed as a teenager and young adult.

[starsurface]

Hii! Can you do hcs for little Kenshi from mk1 please?

Man I adore Kenshi!! He's super cool. :3

TW: Mentions of the Yakuza, references to hitting, and references about his eyes

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Regressor Kenshi Takahashi HCs

❤️ Regressed to about 3-6

❤️ Very rarely, but sometimes he'll regress to almost babyspace

❤️ Found out about regression from Liu Kang

❤️ The God was worried because before age regression, Kenshi's coping mechanism was fighting/sparring or training until his feet gave out beneath him

❤️ Was a bit, lot, skeptical of it at first but ended up slipping very quickly with Liu Kang's help

❤️ His main CGs are probably Johnny and Liu Kang (Tomas too, avid Smokencage shipper over here)

❤️ Likes having Raiden, Kung Lao, and Syzoth baby sit him from time to time

❤️ Sento will also help too!! That's their grand baby after all!!

❤️ Sento’s actually a slightly difficult provlem because sometimes Kenshi wants to see when hes small but also has a habit of unsheathing the katana

❤️ ^ Luckily Sento's Guardians will scold him because he knows he's not suppose to play with the pretty sword

❤️ Which is so totally unfair btw, he might be small, but that doesn't mean he'll hurt himself!! >:/ (has accidently cut himself multiple times while small and came blubbering to you about it)

❤️ Well, he can't exactly cry because, uh, he has no . . . eyes

❤️ But his lip will start quivering and his face will get all red and he'll make the sounds of crying

❤️ It also kinda stings a bit, since his tear production will works, even if it's damaged, but doesn't have anywhere to go

❤️ Will sometimes freak out over his eyes and start gawing at them with his hands

❤️ You've gotta gently grab his hands and tell him that he's hurting himself and can't do that

❤️ In moments like these you just gotta hold him and rock him, letting him feel your heartbeat and hold onto something soft like his blankie

❤️ He's normally very good with the rules and doesn't like breaking them

❤️ Like, he knows if he draws on the floor or the walls, he's gonna have to clean it up and his pretty art won't stay, so why try it?

❤️ But if he does get in trouvle, he has a small habit of throwing hissy fits

❤️ Foot stomping, raised voice, throwing whatever he has in his hands at the ground (never you though, even in these moments he doesn't wanna hurt you)

❤️ These can usually be delt very quickly with an arms crossed and that look that just screams he's in trouble

❤️ I know he just yelled at you, but don't yell at him please

❤️ Stern voice is okay, but he will be fearful if you raise your voice and try to go hide away somewhere to feel safe again

❤️ Don't hit him either. There are times he might flinch when he knows your upset and then go completely silent on you

❤️ You've gotta just hold him and remind him that he isn't with the Yakuza anymore, they can't hurt him anymore

❤️ Best punishments for him are the naughty corner, but he has to be able to bring his blankie (more on that later)

❤️ He doesn't exactly baby regress but on days where all he can think about is his Yakkuza life, he feels very small and fuzzy and all he really wants is to be held, comforted, and loved

❤️ ^ These days he goes mostly nonverbal, and can get fussy if you don't immediately know what he wants

❤️ It's not your fault, nor his fault, he's just feeling a lot of negative emotions right now and doesn't know how to process them

❤️ When he does get that small, I can see him being a padded regressor out of comfort, but I dunno

❤️ Absolutely adores sippy cups (and cried one time because Johnny teased him for it, don't worry!! Johnny apologized for it and they made up)

❤️ Favorite regression item he owns is this smallish soft, fuzzy blankie he owns

❤️ He had to kinda hike his knees to his tummy if he wants to be wrapped in it, but it's still his favorite

❤️ This blankie is his best friend and he will drag it everywhere (never actually draws it though, kinda just holds it in his arms or on his lap)

❤️ His favorite part of the blanket is how soft and fuzzy it is because he can just shove his fave in it and appreciate the textures

❤️ Gets absolutely destroyed when you have to wash it

❤️ No amount of explaining will help your case, he'll either sit by the washer going ‘🥺’ until it's done, or will steal your blankie because it smells like you

❤️ Cuddles and physical affection is a must, especially is Sento isn't around

❤️ ^ Even if Sento is around, he still wants (silently demands) cuddles

❤️ Favorite little nicknames are Kenny, Honey, Little Guy, and Baby

❤️ Although if you called him any nickname, he'll be all giggly and hide in your shoulder

❤️ I can also see him as a kitty regressor

❤️ Will paw at your leg and snuggle on your lap, demanding head scratchies

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

He's my baby, I love him. 🥺

[intertexts-moving]

still thinking abt what happens next. its such a good dissection of blame + morality+ perpetuation of cruel cycles. however i have to admit i don't particularly subscribe to the main body of commentators ' "everyone is scheming and has awful intention" take. i mean. hanlon's razor.-- milo obviously dismembered a dead body. which frankly in no world sounds better than saying he killed her. like, he is obviously culpable of that + incapable of processing that culpability but it's jarring to see everyone immediately locking onto gage as some kind of evil and actively manipulating from the start mastermind. they seem pretty obviously to me to be a preexisting Type Of Guy: isolated, miserable, (obsessive) parasocial relationship w/ people who Do, in fact, Exist, and aren't fake characters in a story (haha). his treatment of milo seems way more in line w/ that kind of "genuinely ignorant of how normal friendships and relationships work" than "secretly plotting your demise "-- the weed & crossbow thing read as familiar to me. pressuring, yes, but not actively so. thats just like... the way people are? the way u act when you're kind of awkwardly acquaintances/frienfs w someone and u invite them 2 partake in ur hobbies. just sucks that gage's hobbies are literally only stalking murderers + getting high w the nastiest bong u havr ever seen + shooting white monster cans in the woods with a crossbow. the effect is negative, obviously, because milo is a fucking basket case on a ton of medications with a criminal record for sawing off a girl's arms and the looming threat of inpatient if he doesnt behave over his head. not downplaying the other thing btw that's in a different category imo & while the kiss itself wasnt inherently a Bad Thing to Do imo their reaction & justification absolutely was.. still kind of weird 2 me that it appears like there's a bigger sympathy for claire (dealt with the trauma by becoming a transphobic turning point usa girlie who uses her sister's notoriety to advocate for punishing minors in the justice system even worse & treating her gf like shit) than gage (obviously fucked in the head minimum wage worker with no bar for what a normal interaction or relationship looks like at all.) OR vikki (trans woman of color whos career! is to stir up shit! even if she was kind of a cunt!) anyway the milo / claire parallels are baller i love when people fucking hate each other but are so similar... girl its been nine years stop sticking your fingers in your own bloody wounds stop it stop it stop it! when will u stop reliving the trauma ever day for its own sake. (claire's self harming actions here are obviously infinitely worse because she is like,,, Actively Hurting So Many People. and for what! so she can wear awful dresses and get hit on by oily white senators and drag the bleeding dead weight of her sisters body around everywhere she goes?) ahhh what ever. good book i have to pack now.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hii hope you've had a good day<33

Um okay so this is my first time going on anon for advice so sorry if I sound robotic! 😭 it's just I've been really struggling because i think i might have adhd. I don't think therapy is working for me rn and i cant really talk to my mum about it because she just believes its the devil messing with my head and that all i need to do is pray. She has good intentions and I truly believe she's only trying to help. But the thing is it's only making me feel worse because it makes me feel like a fraud. Like I'm just faking how I feel for attention but the thing is I've NEVER wanted attention. When I was younger I was a pretty sensitive kid and the youngest child so I'd always be accused of being an attention seeker. And okay I admit once I saw the advantages that came with it I she'd a few crocodile tears every now and then but they completely disregard my emotions. Just because I haven't been through anything "actually traumatic".

This is coming from the older ones in my family btw if it wasn't obvious like the guilt trip is crazy. I didn't mean to rant so sorry about that I really just wanted some advice on whether I should get diagnosed ADHD or not and I didn't even tell you why I think I have it 😭😭

Hi!

Yes, please pursue a diagnosis! Because here's the thing- it's negatively affecting your life. So if you do have it, you have proof and can get help. And if you don't, then you can figure out what IS affecting you. You won't be stuck in limbo anymore, you know?

PLus if you do have it, you have the validation of someone telling you you're not crazy.

Keep me updated! Naming you limbo anon

[impmansloot]

So to summarize my thoughts on the final episode (two final episodes actually) of mp100, I think it was great. Yet, I would still do some scenes differently, especially "Shigeo" and "Mob" inner dialogue.

I guess my high expectations are at fault. And don't get me wrong, it definitely gets the point across, but personally it just doesn't awake the same feelings as in the manga.

I think it's mostly because in the anime there is no striking difference between "Shigeo" and "Mob" and their characters. Anime!"Shigeo" feels somewhat lukewarm, idk how to explain it. Sure, he mostly says the same lines as in the manga (exluding the ones that were cut), but it feels different. And frankly, it doesn't sound as I imagined - the way it was delievered.

Because while "Shigeo" is a manifestation of Mob's powers, he also represents his bottled up emotions and even some personality traits. Ranging from strongly positive ones to more negative ones such as selfishness and indifference (to other people's lives and well-being), distrustfulness, spitefulness.

Which is why I expected a more clear dichotomy, I guess more instense emotions and line delivery when it comes to "Shigeo". The anime - also with the fact that they cut a lot of lines of their conversation, sadly - doesn't really do that much? It doesn't feel as raw.

Here's the cut lines:

Yeah you had to see my face when I read those the first time. The last frame feels so eerie, it really feels like a threat. And to "Mob" it is, obviously. Because to "Mob" - initially - "Shigeo" is the antagonist and acts so. I mean, he does antagonize "Mob", he straight up insults him, calls him weak and a coward and wants him to cease existing basically (which is mutual). There's also arrogance that we're not used to see from Mob in general, and there's clear resentment and hurt on "Shigeo"'s part, and it makes sense.

How do I explain it, overall it hurts to read? "The truth is, I don't trust anyone."

Also the frame in the anime for comparison:

Btw I don't know why they decided not to make him speak in real life too/at all. Can't explain what exactly it would add... but it would definitely add something. It makes him feel more "aware" I guess and sort of more chaotic as a result.

Do I think those lines were necessary to include? I don't know. Maybe for character analysis nerds. Again, the point is gotten across anyway, but the impact is not the same, in my opinion. So I wish there was more time spent on the inner conflict itself. (I would personally change a bunch of things from line delivery to sound design, but it's just because this moment is important to me.)

Oh and I also feel robbed of this shot, it's kind of iconic

[itchyeye]

@apocalypticsinn replied to your post “ok. i'm giving the first episode a shot.”:

Oh noooOOOO welcome to hell :,) Alice remains like this the entire series btw and it just. It doesn’t get better. The newest episode I wanted to strangle her- I’m VERY interested in hearing your full thoughts on even just this first episode-!

​whgau first thing's first i am touched to hear you're interested in my thoughts

ok so overall it was very bad. @socvinc is correct that the sound mixing is fantastic, especially contrasted against s1 of tma which was shoestring budget dogshit. but then again this new show was funded by a seemingly boundless supply of patreon dollars so it fucking better sound expensive!!

alice is absolutely insufferable. you could stick a classroom full of twelve year old bronies (and i mean the og 2010s bronies not the gen z post ironic queer reclamation kind) in front of a hundred typewriters for all of time and they would eventually produce every single thing that has ever come out of alice's mouth. sure, it seems like gwen and most other people are annoyed with her, so at least she isn't being treated as funny and charming in-universe!! but absolutely fucking impossible to listen to. will not be putting myself through more of that.

also, the general animosity and malaise is unearned. sure, we have all been at jobs where everyone is burnt out and nobody cares anymore. but there's a sort of creeping realization that comes with that. even if things are bad right off the bat, they still get worse as you familiarize yourself with your new surroundings.

to have your exposition be alice telling sam that nothing matters and there is no point to his job and everything is stupid and he shouldn't even be here just makes me hate her. it doesn't matter that she's doing it to give gwen a moment to shine and prove her diligence and dedication. it immediately makes alice a deeply unlikeable character. she is relentlessly negative and cynical and lazy and we have been given ZERO justification for why she would be so abbrasive to someone just starting a new career!! plus she's fucking annoying so the cards are REALLY stacked against her.

and the relentless gloomy bleakness of the Archives was so. so. so. earned. all of s1 had this slow slow sloooooow build up of tension and horror and false leads and red herrings and SUDDENLY WORMS. SASHA'S DEAD. TIDAL WAVE OF WORLD-ENDING WORMS. THREE DREAD POWERS AT ONCE. AND EVERYONE HAS PTSD AFTERWARDS AND STILL HAS TO COME IN TO WORK. JON'S GONE OFF THE FUCKING DEEP END. THEN S2. NO ONE CAN LEAVE. WE'RE ALL TRAPPED HERE LIKE RATS IN A SINKING SHIP.

the gloom and malaise and desperation is real and tangible and you are there with the characters as it builds. it's rewarding and dynamic. opening episode 1 with "everyone hates it here bc it's very spooky and bureucratic" is just a pale and unsuccessful immitation of the slowburn that MADE the archives what they were.

also the very first little mini statement was so lame??? no build up. no atmosphere. no character development. not even a short story, just a tumblr uquiz option. "i saw my husband but he was Shaped Wrong and also dead" jesus christ...

i might listen to episode 2 just because i have time to kill but being dropped into the middle of an office party gave me traumatic tma s5e1 flashbacks and i can't live through that again. one of my tmp anons who mentioned it was very office-banter based was SOOOO right. the majority of the episode felt like those incorrect-quotes accounts that clog up tumblr search results. just people i don't know and voices i don't recognize having weird try-hard conversations.

oh that's another glaring difference: the dialogue and voice acting in tma feels incredibly natural. the way conversations are written and the way they are performed feels believable, like listening to recordings of people who do not know they're being recorded. the conversations in tmp feel like watching f.r.i.e.n.d.s in that every line feels really rigidly scripted. no one talks over one another. no sounds overlap. there are no natural sounding pauses or stutters. just bad sitcom dialogue. BUT as i said to anon.... that's what the people want.

overall feels like an ogfic "inspired by" tma that i would have no interest in reading. a pale immitation of lightning in a bottle.

can't say i blame them. we all have bills to pay. but i can say i resent them.

[ca-suffit]

Show's cast has explicitly said racial motivations weren't what lead to it happening (they were white in books, Louis a plantation owner and it still happened). You can see what you want to see but it's a show made by a white guy at the end of the day.

Fixating on something the people involved haven't given an indication is even there to rally against the guy who is the one very vocal about the queer text (which they do admit is an actual thing they are intentionally putting in there and talking about) in a cast of mostly straight people is icky as hell.

The trial happens in the book but not exactly the same way it happens in the show. Book ppl luv to cry about changes made between the 2, I wonder why it's always silence on detail changes like this?? I rly wonder (/s).

The show intentionally put an abundance of slave / lynching refs into every part of the trial, things that are *not* in the books and specific to black ppl only. that isn't stuff that just whoopsy daisy ends up here, from a series that has consistently been incorporating these things in the story. ur attempt to discard that even more by saying a white guy is behind the show is also just stupid. unlike anne rice, there is not a single creator for the show. no *one* person is responsible for things.

there seems to be a disconnect in ppl thinking if these things are present then the main focus has to be antiblackness too. the trial has to spell out "this is a trial against black ppl cuz we hate black ppl!!" do u see anything IRL....ever? do u know anything about history or things happening rn? when lestat is on the train to get claudia and drag her home, did u also think the slave catcher part of that wasn't real bcuz he didn't call her a slur or smthg while doing it?

idk why the cast and crew won't talk about these things but I'd imagine a lot is bcuz putting emphasis on race / racism is not a real selling point for gaining viewers, especially anne rice viewers. it doesn't mean the show still isn't doing this and it doesn't mean ppl who notice it are making shit up. again, this type of stuff isn't stuff that just occurs the way it's presented here without being intentional. it's also possible that the actors of color don't want to be the ones to answer these questions, are they asking these things to the white ppl too?

I also have no idea what ur point is trying to make me sound homophobic (I do, I'm just pointing out ur manipulation technique is bad). this fandom and other fandom's focuses on (white) gay rights above all else is another issue u never want to talk about. just like in the trial, u'll throw in talk about standing up to homophobia bcuz it stomps over racism rly easily, bcuz nobody cares about racism in the first place. I'm sure u felt rly good when lestat went after that homophobe during the trial where claudia dies anyway. it's possible to talk about multiple things at once, btw, and I've never said anything negative about gay ppl or gay rights so this was rly a reach. if u rly think sam reid is some kind of gay rights activist for this stuff too then no wonder it's a struggle to talk about anything in this fandom lol.

[m3r1m4r5u333]

Ffs I cannot believe this rhetoric. No, it is in fact not "homophobic" to dislike daddy kink.

It's fucking dishonest to pretend that daddy kink is the most vanilla of all kinks which ever have kinked. Daddy kink is a pony that is packed with a hefty amount of incest and even pedophilia vibes, it is not for everyone, no matter what your sexual orientation is.

I am literally bisexual and no, I do not like daddy kink. I am into all sorts of wild stuff, which I'd rather not list here btw, but simply the age play that kinda naturally comes along with daddy kink means that I would literally rather watch or read about actual incest ships (siblings or other people just a tad closer to being peers, you know) rather than venture into the roleplay that is basically about sex between a parent and a child, however disguised it is.

"Homophobia" my ass.

Some people do not share your kinks and will continue to ship the different pairs. Deal with it. Trying to yell homophobia at people who are also shipping two men is just ridiculous.

'Ooooh but internalized homophobia then!!!'

No. I do not have to enjoy this kink. That has nothing to do with sexual orientation whatsoever. I would not like this kink one bit more if it was a straight couple or two women, or what ever combination you can think of.

It's not about the gender or sexual orientation, the issue is the kink. I don't find parental vibes hot and if that makes me 'repressed' then so be it.

Parental vibes and dominance play aren't the same thing btw. Just saying. (Since apparently I cannot actually hack do-not-overshare)

This whole "disliking-daddy-kink-is-homophobia" argument is really verging towards trying to shame people for not sharing your kinks which is not any more cool than kink shaming.

Which this post may sound like, kink shaming. I get it if you feel angry at me for talking about this kink using such a negative tone. I know the things I list as reasons for not liking this kink probably feel like reaching to many.

But that is where my mind goes every time I think of this kink and no amount of reasoning can change this ADHD brain from making leaps.

And people are trying to insert words into our mouths here so just this once, yes. I will explain why daddy kink creeps me out. Because I do not take accusations of homophobia lightly, especially ones that are like this - people trying to gaslight people against each other for not being excited about the same kinks.

And what pisses me off is queer people like me being shit-talked and shamed like we're oh-so-messed up and repressed and prejudiced and bad for not liking one fucking kink.

Sorry not sorry.

[wheeler-fan]

Hiii! Sorry if I sound weird or disrespectful in some way, I was curious if it’s a common experience for you as a mileven shipper to go on byler tag just to try to understand their point of view. Like you go “ahh byler shippers make no sense, I wonder what are their thoughts on that scene/dialogue/etc” and then read some theories to understand them better. For example I am a byler and anti-mileven which means I completely don’t get this ship so I sometimes scroll through mileven tag or blogs to see “what are you guys on” (w/o negative tone)😭basically learning more abt mileven. Cause sometimes I see anti-byler posts where author obvi doesn’t even know what there’re talking abt and same thing with some anti-mileven ones. In my country there’s a popular phrase “know your enemy in the face”, it basically means you can’t hate anything not knowing what it is and I actually think that’s really important, some ppl should take notes lol, sorry for yapping. I’m not texting you specifically bc I have a beef with you or anything, I actually love your blog cause your posts (even tho I disagree ofc) are valid. I’m sure you cook such wonderful meals for your community and honestly? Keep going!! (I’ll read your stuff too 😼)I tried to make this ask anonymous but can’t find the button on the tablet so you can come at me if you need😭

heyyy, good question but it depends

usually i just text random byler shippers (or friends that ship byler but I don't have much of them so if you're a byler shipper and we're moots it actually means that you're super cool 😭😭😭) and ask them about their point of view

tbh i don't spend much time on tumblr bc i hate to see what people are doing to my fav character here (mike) and also i kinda feel like byler on tumblr is like a new reddie fanfic version 💀 emo boy and a sensitive little baby🥰🥰 I'm sorry 😭

I read a lot of byler theories mainly because of Mike, and usually they don't make sense to me, but honestly I found theories that were really good even though I ship Mileven

tbh for me byler would make way more sense if not the fact that there's only one season left and mike doesn't even know that will isn't straight - actually will haven't done a coming out even to his mom yet😭😭 i just feel like there's not enough time for all of this sorry guys

but i get why people ship it and even if that doesn't make much sense to me- if u want to ship them u can like it's not that deep it's just a fictional ship, the only thing i ask for- don't talk shit about my ship to make yours more valid please

also, even if I'm reading byler theories for fun to talk about them later with my mileven moots I'm trying to keep it for myself, i don't want to talk shit about byler cuz i don't want people to do the same to my ship. Like i get that we share a character but we don't have to kill ourselves 😭 just focus on your own ship..

answering ur question: I'm not searching for an explanation on tumblr or sth bc the explanation will be like : mike and will wear green so byler endgame 😝

i just ask an actual byler on pv so i can understand something better which is actually funny cuz i can randomly text someone and be like: hey I'm a mileven shipper but i wanted to ask, can u explain the birthdaygate to me? and i will get a whole paragraph about it😭 (btw thanks to the random byler that explained it to me before ross posted will byers on ig)

[gem-tavvy]

the homestuck epilogues aren't bad. just btw.

like you may not LIKE them for whatever reason. but that doesn't make it bad and it doesn't mean nobody likes it. some of y'all have GOT to stop getting sucked into these rly negative hatereading echo-chambers. you NEED to form your own opinions with an open mind instead of parroting bullshit i BEG you.

when the epilogues came out, people were incredibly angry that its format and tone had changed drastically from the norm. people were frustrated that their favorite characters were acting different, in spite of the fact that of COURSE they weren't the exact same, as several in-universe years had passed since act 7!

ever since then, the idea that "post-canon is bad" has circulated within the fandom with as much virility as "gamzee makara is tall" and "alpha dave strider wears a suit." people say it's bad, then their friends repeat them, and so on, all without ever having read it nor even having given it a chance.

there are criticisms to be made, for sure. that goes without saying. i didn't particularly like how tavros, eridan, and feferi were written in the epilogues. there was a seemingly obvious bias against jake likewise, even in situations where the narrator really has no reason to dislike him - see: alt calliope.

but in the end, even if i don't like how my favorite character was written, that's just a nitpick in the end. the story is much more than that. it was a labor of love and effort by talented writers, and hs2 has been much the same. real life actual people poured hours and hours of work into it, and i wanna enjoy it for what it is. i wanna see what it's building up to.

i think that's kind of the main issue here though. some people just kinda..... FORGET that homestuck and the post canon shit didn't just spawn from the aether, fully formed. real people with real feelings made them, and at the very least, it's just, like, polite to not be a complete jackass about it? to just be like "eh it doesn't sound like it's for me." to say "i don't like it, but it's cool if you do."

remember. the post-canon authors and artists are making what THEY want to make. it comes off as super entitled and nasty when you're a dick to them because they didn't make it how YOU would have made it, or how YOU want them to make it.

[borathae]

Hey sibi....

What does demisexual exactly mean , because my friend said I might be demi and I don't understand it fully , and another friend said everyone is demi . Is it because I've only ever crushed on this one boy ? But I do like people ... I mean I'm attracted to bts and I'm attracted to like few fictional characters ? And I like smut ? Can I still be demi ? What is demi ? My brain is fried 😭

Be definition, demisexuality is on the ace spectrum and means that the individual can only develop sexual attraction to a person once a safe emotional bond to them was formed. Which obviously doesn't mean that the individual will go around just sexualising everyone they have a safe bond with, but rather that it could happen that something like that forms only after that bond was formed.

Example: you are dating someone and feel zero, negative, nada desire to sleep with them even if you find them attractive and you really love their company. Rather you're enjoying your time with them, aren't stressing yourself, getting to know them better and they make you feel safe when suddenly BAM 🦋the bond🦋 was formed and you suddenly crave sex with them.

Your friend who said that everyone is demi clearly speaks from an uneducated point of view, which makes them sound acephobic and nothing else. I know A LOT of people who can sleep with strangers willy nilly without any sort of bonding before that (which btw is great, please keep doing you!). And the demisexuals I know (I myself included) don't really feel the desire to go around sleeping with unknown strangers. So no, not everyone is demi, I can tell you that much. And if your friend said it with the intent to make you feel inferior, I would reconsider that friendship. If it wasn't with malicious intent, feel free to educate them!

But I do like people ... I mean I'm attracted to bts and I'm attracted to like few fictional characters ? And I like smut ? Can I still be demi ?

Yes you can be demi. Your attraction to bts or fictional characters is possible because you already formed a safe emotional bond with them and they, in some way or form, are safe spaces for you. Which is why you also like smut because it's with characters you already have a bond formed with and feel therefore safe fantasising with.

If you are demi or not, only you yourself can decide but no matter what you decide fits best for yourself, this blog is a safe space and you'll always be welcome here! Don't stress yourself, it took me a few years to figure out what feels most comfortable for me and in the end sexuality is "just a word", whatever feels right for you is what you are and if that "word" is demisexuality then so be it! hehe 💜

[senka-mesecine]

This gonna sound possibly weird but could u write headcanons for having a three way with rhah and king or Elias and Barnes? Your choice! Much love from Portugal btw

-

Barnes & Elias; Threesome x Reader -

― Barnes probably walks out of the threesome and waits out front, not because a threesome offends him in any particular way as much as the fact it's with Elias of all people that silently grates on his nerves. He might easily sit in and watch (and shoot orders like a natural) if it was anyone else, but as things are, he just quietly decides to light a cigar, lean on a nearby wall and wait it out because, if we're frank, what he sees as Elias' attempts (what he sees as 'attempts', mind you) to flirt, take part in foreplay, sweettalk and schmooze annoy him to no end even though he doesn't really show it to the degree he makes himself momentarily scarce rather than vocalize it except, perhaps, with his glares and his eyes. Oh, he's there alright. Barnes doesn't leave. Too jealous and territorial to actually go and opt out. But he sure as hell doesn't take part in it either and it's only once Elias is actually done that he goes for his turn.

― Being last doesn't offend him; does nothing negative for Barnes' ego, the same way Elias is too humble to be humbled by going last and too down to earth to get cocky because he went first. The pecking order of the here and now doesn't bother them as much as one silently repels the other merely through each other's presence alone. I wouldn't even outright say these men hate each other in the classical sense too much to be in the presence of a naked person together with a sexual connotation involved; they're simply on opposing sides, ideologically, mentality-wise, where beliefs are concerned, through their overall conduct and they're both very well aware of it to the point they put up invisible barriers between one another all on their own because they're wildly different people in the same platoon, running on platoon rules, tolerating each other because the gears demand it. Barnes know his turn starts when Elias leaves and Elias knows Barnes ain't crossing that threshold until Elias does leave and that's just the way it is.

― Would go as far as Elias being incredibly kind on Barnes' behalf while with you; he's almost apologetic on behalf of his fellow Sergeant explaining that Barnes is Barnes and he acts the way he believes is right, so you shouldn't take it to heart, because it is nothing against you personally, tactically deescalating the heaviness in the air and soothing and comforting you if you were having any sudden trepidations due to the fact that one guy's waiting out front; no, see Elias wants you to feel good and he makes sure you do because he doesn't intend to leave here with you being bummed out or blue. He, in ways, prepares and paves the path for Barnes more so for your sake than Barnes'. For Elias, this is about you. He might kiss your forehead at the end of his informative bit of pillow talk. Maybe pinch your cheek and smile down at you to ease you up further. But even so, all while showing a strange amount of respect for what could be considered a rival, not everything is peachy keen here.

― I mean, even though they're not in the same room, with the same person, doing them at the same time like a threeway usually implies, there's still undeniable tension in the air, even once it's halfway done and Elias walks out the door and past a looming, quiet-as-the-grave Barnes saying nothing. I think a threesome involving these two even in the most harmonious of circumstances gives off this heavy sensation lingering in the air even though nothing hostile is technically being said or done but still, one could get the undeniable impression things are seconds away from escalating in a really violent direction and if they don't, it's only because Elias could have way too much respect and sympathy towards you to let himself be offended by Barnes' overall vibe and ruin your good fun (or aggrieve you) and because Barnes is far too much of a stoic to bare his weaknesses upfront. So, it's a delicate stalemate and an incredibly complex dynamic hanging by a thread.

― Only once Elias is definitely gone and the door is closed, offering privacy does Barnes say something directed your way in the vein of 'You done?' in a partially sarcastic or semi accusatory manner possibly disguised as gruff humor as he unbuckles his belt. He almost comes off as weirdly matrimonial about it; like you're a petulant spouse he just indulged with this whole shebang and now he's home to collect his dues, set you straight and he's here to stay. Just because Barnes willingly walked out and went second doesn't mean he lost the game in any way or that he capitulated on his own authority. Quite the opposite. He views Elias' his turn as merely the interlude that needed to be moved out of the way before the real thing can begin and while he doesn't say it, that's how he treats the whole thing. Elias's been here, he's gone, you might've liked him and that's your prerogative but if things need to be settled, they'll be settled out in the field and not here.

― Which is an unusual way to view it because Barnes might think war's for war and men in war should fix their disputes as God demands, out in the bush, no courts involved, no laws, no eyewitness, no courts or courtrooms, just the cleverer man winning, giving him a whole extra reason to shoot Elias later on and it's a scary thought given how the whole thing that seemed to have been tensely cooking in between that waiting corridor and the room you had sex with both men separately was only just a brewing pot that exploded at a later date and in a later place and that the threesome could've been the thing that simply added to Barnes' reasons to commit murder. Funny how that works. Might've thought this threeway...worked out okay for all intents and purposes --- a little on edge, but ultimately, okay and how very wrong you were when a killing was literally committed in your name.

― Meanwhile, you might've never guessed so because Barnes otherwise came off seeming pretty cold and even unaffected and seemingly grimly detached from the whole affair, like he only barely wanted to be there in the first place, leaving you unsuspecting that his jealousy was actually so vast the whole time it cost Elias his life, except, that that score was never meant to be settled in front of your door, your bedroom or anywhere near the proximity of your presence and knowledge, but that instead Barnes took his business out to the jungle. A threesome's never just a threesome in this platoon and there's no such thing as casual fun, and even if one gets the impression there is, they'll be a serious toll to pay for it down the line because the dynamics of this squad are often so intricately complex that actions you might think harmless actually kickstart a whole domino effect that escalates wildly out of proportion. What's worse, I almost get a feeling Elias would know this and anticipate it. Barnes was willing to kill for you and Elias was willing to die for you.

[mcalhenwrites]

I don't know if I can express how much it means to me that people like my writing. How much that is actively healing me and bringing me the confidence in my writing that I lacked for so long. Which I know doesn't make it sound genuine, but when you've heard negative criticisms for so long, it's hard to believe the ones who counter that. I was told for years to have confidence in my writing, and I just couldn't find it. Some of those same people told me to have confidence, but then they'd also make fun of my writing/characters (or characterization for fanfics), they'd defend their friends for insulting me, they never cared about boosting my works when I posted them but cornered me if I hadn't immediately seen what they posted of their own writing, just plain ignoring me unless I could benefit them with crochet patterns/reading their stories/etc. (Some of these things overlapped.) I would spend most of my day working on my writing or reading books, and people would say, "You're not even trying hard enough to get better." (How many of them immediately ditched me when I said I wasn't going to crochet anymore so I could focus on writing? Heh. The number isn't zero, that's for sure. Note to anyone who does crafts: don't become that person known for gifts and be cautious about how often and who you gift pieces to...) I'm moving away from that level of damage. I feel a lot better about my writing. I don't feel as much shame about what I write, how I write, and why I write. There are people out here supporting me. They're buying my published books! I'm finding so much joy now. I will go on r/AO3 and just start upvoting all the celebration posts bc they make me happy. (Highly recommend doing this btw) Anyhow, this is a big thank you to all the people who have supported me, whether it's on Ko-Fi, Patreon, buying my book, leaving comments on AO3, sending asks, etc. (Links can be found easily by looking at my blog, but I wanna get back on topic.) I write dark, heavy content, and my intention is to break hearts or make people think. I'm getting feedback now that I do exactly that, and I'm finally feeling prouder and prouder of myself. People say that you can't find real confidence if you base it on what others think, but honestly, like many things? If people are tearing you down, it helps to have people lifting you up. We're losing the spirit of community in all ways, and that includes supporting artists and writers. My stories matter. They matter to me, they matter to other people. They are so worth telling. I'm glad I didn't give up. And honestly, maybe it's a bit petty but let me be petty: I'm still going, people who didn't want me to, and I'm not only doing fine, but I think it'll only get better with time for me! <3

[veliseraptor]

Hii! How are you? Hope the new year is treating you well

Love your Jiang Cheng/Meng Yao/Xue Yang everything, they are all excellent characters (especially JC my beloved)

Wanted to ask why you don't like Nie Mingjue? (Totally genuine btw, I'm mostly indifferent towards him but I like hiw tou do character analysis and am curious?)

Happy new year and take care :D

oh boy, okay. I waffled for a while about responding to this only because I tend to...avoid wading into things that might get me in trouble, and this feels like something that could get me in trouble, because I'm talking about my (negative) feelings on a relatively popular character and that can provoke some pretty intense responses.

but I don't really want to foster that impulse, at least not all the time, and I try to be fair when I talk about these things, so, hey, might as well. under a cut for anyone who doesn't want to read the following (counts) nine paragraphs of rambling about this subject

first off I feel like I should say that it probably seems like I dislike Nie Mingjue because he comes into conflict with Jin Guangyao, and while that isn't not true, characters being in conflict with each other does not preclude me liking both of them. I mean, I would hope that was obvious.

I think the biggest reason me and Nie Mingjue do not vibe is actually - and this occurred to me as I was writing this response - the same reason that I used to dislike Stannis Baratheon back when I was active in the A Song of Ice and Fire fandom. (Not so much anymore, mostly because now I just find him kind of funny. Sorry, Stannis.) Namely: he's inflexible and utterly convinced of his own rightness/righteousness.

One of my least favorite qualities in a person is self-righteousness, and while that can work for me in a character it very much doesn't here, I think because it comes with that inflexibility. Nie Mingjue's sense of morality and order is rigid with very little room for his judgment being affected by circumstance or external context. To him, those considerations are irrelevant at best and viewed as excuses at worst.

I'm someone who is, meanwhile, allergic to universal statements, particularly universal statements of good/bad, evil/righteous, etc. I don't like them, I'm incredibly wary of them, and while, again, me disliking these things irl doesn't necessarily preclude enjoying them in a character, it is going to be at least somewhat of a barrier. I feel like it would be less of one here, honestly, if I didn't feel like fandom often endorses Nie Mingjue's perspective on this, as opposed to acknowledging it for what I think it is actually in the text; I have more I could say on this but I'm already writing an essay so I'll just note that I think the fact that Nie Mingjue's corpse can't distinguish between Jin Ling and Jin Guangyao is thematically important.

I don't need a character's morality to align with mine to like them, obviously. The greater crime is finding a character frustrating or irritating, and that's what this particular quality of Nie Mingjue's does to me.

"But what about Xiao Xingchen," I can hear somebody saying. "Doesn't he have the same rigid perspective?" Yes, arguably; his also breaks horribly over the duration of the story, and that's the part of his arc that I find compelling! I find Xiao Xingchen most interesting when his initial understanding of the world has been irrevocably changed and he has to reckon with the fact that justice is not as simple as he thought it would be.

I also - and I know how this is going to sound, I feel like - do not vibe with characters who really strongly believe in state-supported violence. I don't care if characters kill people - the more the better! murder all you like, my darlings! - but I do care if they're advocating the death penalty from a position of political power/authority. Which is actually not a distinction I'd necessarily realized was important to me, but apparently it is. As far as my fictional taste goes: personal violence is fine. State violence is not. I'm sure there are exceptions here (there usually are) but it is generally true that the more violence comes from a position of authority/power in the sense of "this is structurally supported by some form of government/systematic structure", the more I'm going to feel badly about it and the less kindly I am going to feel toward the character in question.

Nie Mingjue is very, very invested in state-supported violence and very eager to dole it out on a personal basis. We see it with his almost killing Xue Yang while Xue Yang is on trial; we see it with Jin Guangyao, multiple times. "Well, they were guilty!" Yeah, I know, that's not the point. The line Nie Mingjue draws between legitimate/illegitimate violence doesn't work for me.

There's also some other stuff that's more fandom-related around the fanon characterization Nie Mingjue often gets that frustrates me because of the way I feel like it increasingly departs from the text, which has (as usual) more of an impact on my feelings about the original character than it perhaps should. Probably because I feel like it's such a misreading of the point of his character. Everyone in fandom is extrapolating from the character on the page/screen - lord knows I do it. But I do feel like I have a limit that I hit where that extrapolation feels like it's reading against the text and what the text is saying, and/or making them a "type" built on a generalized mold, and that's where my patience really runs out.

anyway this has all been very wordy and probably unnecessarily harsh but...I think some of it was useful for me in terms of thinking out just why, even beyond fandom-related frustrations, Nie Mingjue was never a character I could care about or like.