#I don't mind sharing parts of me

[ruporas]

feast (ID in alt)

[mewtwo24]

Not to be That Guy but like.

Am I the only one that can't stop thinking about how Tianlang-Jun says about Luo Binghe that he pretends to be cold-hearted like his mother. The hint of fondness there, the heartache in that utterance.

Like it drives me absolutely insane. Imagining her putting on a front of strength, cold and driven and unrelenting. Why does TLJ say that about her. Did she secretly look for solutions that meant reconciling with demons instead of hurting them when her sect wasn't looking? (I wonder this because I feel like his weird fondness for SQQ would lowkey track if it's connected to the woman he once loved.) Did he mean that she was tasked with basically assassinating him and she fell in love with him instead (re: failed step one)? Did he mean that she was fond and doting in her own way (e.g. conceding he was attractive, paying for his exploits and humoring him)? Did he mean that, like LBH, she thought that power would be the thing to protect her--and that it was disguising a person who was deeply and privately wounded? All four????? I don't need sleep I need a n s w e r s

Did she know about the Huanhua Palace Master's skeevy ass intentions before she met TLJ? Or did those only come to significant light after she fell in love with TLJ? Is that why she never anticipated that level of betrayal, because initially she had no intention of being with anyone romantically? And HHPM just assumed she would be under his thumb forever?? Was she furious at her own indiscretion or did she try to use the pregnancy as a bargaining chip, a way to try to stop the immortals of Cang Qiong Mountain from attacking TLJ (plus the bonus of marriage entrapment no takesies backsies this is where LBH gets it from)? Did she try to use that claim on her to dissuade HHPM from his covetous advances, framing herself as tainted so that she could finally escape? Did she dream of a life by TLJ's side, far away from Cang Qiong Mountain?

Like. Literally every single permutation of what this could mean guts me to hell. Do you ever just cry about tianxi because I--[loud bawling noises]

[strangersails]

billy tries so hard not to fall in love with steve harrington once they start having occasional sex, because steve is going to go college and billy knows for a fact that he doesn’t need no long-distance relationship on the phone, because the last time somebody promised him on the phone that they weren’t gonna leave billy, it was his mother and then she left him.

so he’s just constantly putting space between him and steve, so that steve knows where the line is, between them. billy tries really hard by calling him by his family name (like yes, i let you fuck me, but that’s it), by leaving him five minutes straight after they reach the orgasm without many words and disappearing for god knows how long.

“you can stay for five minutes, you know that, right? it’s not like somebody’s going after you or anything” steve says one time.

“i have places to go, harrington” he answers nonchalantly, lighting the cigarette hanging from his lips.

billy declines steve’s invitations to grab something to eat, cuts off almost every attempt steve makes to talk about something, until eventually steve stops trying to get whatever he’s trying to get from him.

the thing is, steve stops going to parties he knows billy’s going to go to too, and if they accidentally meet in somebody’s kitchen or doorsteps, he’ll actively start avoiding him. which is a problem, cause that means no sex. not that billy has trouble finding somebody else. he just... doesn’t want to. and the way steve literally walks away every single time billy steps in the room and looks immediately away like he even hates the sight of him, makes billy feel kinda bad.

he gets out on the porch of somebody’s house at a party one night to light a cigarette, when he sees steve sitting on the front steps with a girl next to him. he sees the boy’s face drop as soon as their eyes meet.

“jesus, he’s everywhere” billy swears he hears him say.

it’s actually ridiculous the fact that he has to make up an excuse to get to talk to him, but he doesn’t want steve to avoid him forever. also he could use a good fuck tonight.

so he just “you got a light?” asks, specifically to him, in case the girl next to him is wondering.

and it’s not like steve can really say no, since he’s literally playing with his fancy lighter in his hand.

harrington stands up and walks to him so slow, this time he can’t even bat his eyes and move them somewhere far from billy’s figure.

billy takes his time to let the pack of marlboro slip out of the pocket of the denim jacket. he doesn’t even bother to hide the lighter that’s just right inside. he sees steve roll his eyes in the back of his head and can’t keep but grin at that.

he puts the cigarette between his lips and gets closer to steve to let him light it, but it takes several tries to even get a little spark.

“let me try” he asks, and then gently grabs the little thing in his hand, making sure to touch the other guy’s fingers in the process. when he menages to start the cigarette, he inhales deeply, keeping his eyes high on steve’s face.

steve, that swallows loudly at the sight. like he likes what he sees.

“can we talk for a second? before you go?” billy asks, letting the lighter slip in the front pocket of steve’s jeans, with his fingers pierced inside of it to give him a little pull closer.

steve gives him a long, intense stare. “why?” he asks after a moment, trying not to be loud.

“cause i need to talk to you” billy says, and the knows that’s a stupid answer, but what else can he say?

steve shakes his head, pulls billy’s fingers out of his pocket, then says “that means nothing. why should i talk to you if you don’t even give a shit?”

billy feels his blood run down from head to toe like a hot shower as soon as steve calls him out. it’s pure guilt. he watches him turn around, ready to go, and then grabs his arm and pulls him again, closer this time. “because i miss you.”

billy doesn’t even realize he’s said that out loud until he sees steve’s eyes widen. steve looks at him for a very long moment, like he’s trying to figure out if it’s a bullshit or if he’s being serious. then his eyes drop on the hand billy still has around his arm. he lets him go.

they eventually get left alone by robin — that’s steve’s friend’s name — and move the conversation to a quieter place. and now billy doesn’t know what to say. it’s not like he programmed anything.

“so? what do you want?” steve starts, and the fact that it sounds like an accuse stresses billy out even more.

“why are you avoiding me?” billy asks, straight to the point.

“why not? that’s how you like it.” steve folds his arms in his chest. “the silence, the leaving. that’s what you do. you know, it’s not like i expected anything special or whatever. but you barely even say ‘see you around’ to me when you leave. you don’t even talk to me. that has nothing to do with sex, it’s just. the bare minimum. human decency, if you’ve ever heard that before. so what, you can not talk to me, but i can’t?”

billy feels a twinge in his stomach at those words. he feels called out. it’s true, his manners are questionable, and yes, that was purposeful, because he needed harrington to stay back. stay back, not vanish.

also this stupid hurt face steve’s got while he talks makes him want to slap himself in the face.

“what was that now, by the way?” steve speaks again while billy tries to find his voice back. “the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me was probably that i have a pretty mouth and that was while it was wrapped around your dick, so it doesn’t even count. and now what, you miss me?” steve has his face bright red while he talks. “how fucking stupid do you think i am?”

“i don’t” he says, finally.

“oh, trust me, i know you don’t miss me, you just want to empty your balls” steve says, and lets his arms fall still at his sides.

that’s the moment billy loses it and pushes his mouth against steve’s. he doesn’t even think anymore, he lets himself be guided by his instincts. steve opens his mouth almost immediately to let billy’s tongue go past his lips. he pushes steve against the side of the house, chest to chest, grabbing his face with both his hands, and steve whines in his mouth, but lets billy savor him. it’s the first time they kiss.

billy eventually pulls back, a wet sound filling the air before the heavy breathing.

“i don’t think you’re stupid” billy clarifies right after, still short on breath. “that’s what i meant.”

steve is red around his mouth, probably from all the pushing and sucking, and the thought is kinda distracting right now. he looks out of breath and words and his lips are still parted and wet and swollen. billy has missed him so much.

“look, i know i’m an asshole” billy says, still so close to him. “and i know apes have better mannerism than i have, that i look like i don’t give a shit. but that. is nothing personal. okay? i’m just not a people person, i need constant space and i need to leave when things start to feel serious.”

“billy. you don’t even call me by my name. how is that serious?” steve rubs his face with both hands, then he folds his arms on his chest again.

billy takes the hint and takes a step back. “it is to me. i don’t call you steve cause that feels personal. i don’t stay in your bed after we fuck, cause that feels personal. i don’t want to hear your stories, because that feels too personal.”

“and why is that bad?” steve asks.

this also feels too personal, but now it’s too late.

“because if it’s personal, it means that we’re close. and if we’re close...” it takes him a moment to end the sentence, and he can’t do it looking him in the eyes, so he draws them on steve’s hands and then admits, “it means i have something to lose”.

[bonefall]

Briarlights death makes sense to me. As much as I love her character, the movement technology you’ve come up with wouldn’t be enough to keep her alive in a society where her nether regions are constantly exposed to the outdoors. She would get UTIs and kidney infections very quickly, which would be fatal when you can’t feel pain. My partner has to use catheters to avoid them (he is paralyzed in the same spot Briarlight would be.)

I think it’s disingenuous to have a character that’s paralyzed but have no other health problems or concerns regarding it, even if it’s uncomfortable to think about for some readers. It’s just as ableist to minimize the additional struggles she’d face as it is to kill her off unnecessarily.

Not accusing you of ableism, but expressing my concern. They’d need to find a way for her to poop and pee in a way that’s sanitary and a way to combat infections long term - even if the thought is “gross” to some people it’s the reality she’d have to live with. She should, at the very least, remain immunocompromised.

That is a valid concern. I will keep this in mind-- I'll make sure to note her immediately being cleared out of camp at the first sign of sniffles to avoid it. My cats can do some very minor building and there are now several cats on Jayfeather's Garden Patrol, it wouldn't be too much of a problem to make that area into a comfortable "satellite camp".

I do want to add though that my most important guiding principle is a stronger narrative which includes better portrayals of disabled characters, not perfect rugged woodsman realism. The medicine I add and the guides I write are in the hopes of better representing the lives of the real-life people who see themselves in the fantasy battle cats.

Realism does factor into that of course! But it goes out the door the minute it would smash up against a disabled character's inclusion. This is a series for human beings like your partner; as close to it as I can get by bending the setting when needed.

For example, Epilepsy

Epilepsy was deadly before modern medicine. Full stop. The herbs I created for that guide would not save someone like Shadowsight, whose convulsions are at extreme risk of turning into Status Epilepticus. It would help manage, but Shadowsight's life would have been very brief.

All the chamomile in the world wouldn't replace phenobarbital... or even the older medications, barbituates. Barbituates have been replaced and good riddance, but it's important to understand that even this drug known for causing EXTREME lethargy and horrible side effects was revolutionary. It saved countless lives.

But I'm not here to write a story for the real-life horror that is epilepsy in a pre-modern society. I'm here for the parent who personally thanked me for making their daughter feel less alone.

Evil spirits attacking the living! God knocking over trees! Attacking a bulldozer! That all happens; there's no reason they can't help Briarlight too!!

But I'll make sure to include her being immunocompromised. And I'll include ways they handle that. Just like I included a cat engineer who made a blanket sled.

So... suggestion accepted! I will keep this in mind.

Briarlight's Canon Death

...I will maintain though that the canonical death of Briarlight was one of the worst, most short-sighted, cruelest decisions that has ever been made in this series.

Because ultimately Briarlight is not a real person. She is a writing choice. She is a character based on Vicky's paralyzed cousin, "Dan," and Briarlight was directly modeled on Dan's personality and recovery.

What did the new writing team do, the minute they were writing a series without Vicky? Killed Briarlight to fucking greencough. For shock points. Narrative moves right on back to the MAIN conflict-- Alderheart having feelings for Velvet and Jayfeather enforcing the vow of chastity. ShadowClan officially falls apart in the background lol

It was never about realism, or realistic portrayal of disability.

This series doesn't care about realism when cats have bloody Freddy Kruger deaths in their sleep, or when shadow goo starts eating cat hell, or when lightning strikes Shadowsight. But they suddenly care about how realistic it is that the only paralyzed character survives greencough?? No! Of course not!

In the middle of the CONSTANT "Ohh she's finally in heaven where she can run and jump and not have a disabled life"? And the infamous Squirrelflight's Hope line, "You don't want to be alive again, Squirrelflight! You might become disabled like BRIARLIGHT"

(WHICH BTW THEY STILL HAVE NOT REMOVED DESPITE PROMISING IT YEARS AGO)

I absolutely do not believe for a second that they had a realistic portrayal of an immunocompromised cat in mind when they did it! Hell, screw it. I'll just say it outright;

I firmly believe that the new writing team killed Briarlight because they did not want to deal with her.

I flatly refuse to give them charity towards this choice. At NO POINT did they earn a speck of good faith. They continued every negative trend that was set up by the previous writers (including Vicky herself tbf), and went a step further by killing her to "we need to get rid of some randos" disease.

Not only that; but the Clan dynamics were NEVER the same after her death, because there was no character who could replace her personality. In this cast of cardboard cats, they plucked out one of the few optimists with a clear, unique perspective, not shared by ANYONE else.

My ire wouldn't JUST be because they happened to kill a disabled character in the way they did (though that is frustrating on its own imo). It's because it was Briarlight.

I hope every writer involved with the decision to kill Briarlight in the "Nothing is Happening! Quick! Kill Someone!" book of AVoS chokes on it. I will DIE on this hill and my blood will never wash out of the grass.

[sysig]

Clash of sensibilities (Patreon)

[topaztimes]

Hi this is a vent post! Continue scrolling if you'd rather not see that

[mrmallard]

I know the song Superman (It's Not Easy) by Five for Fighting is like metaphorically comparing the struggles of the narrator with that of Superman - being a figure who's expected to be seen as invincible and infallible, heavily implied to be like a new parent who wants to give their kid everything, but having struggles and anxieties that they wrestle with to provide that illusion and fill that mythical role. Yes, I am an immovable rock who will never shatter - but men weren't meant to fly with clouds between their knees. I'm more than a bird, I'm more than a plane. Even heroes have the right to bleed.

But it works so well because it's such a great portrait of Superman himself. He too is only a man. He dreams. He's bold and heroic and fantastic, but he understands the frailty of human life and he knows that he's just one guy trying his best. He's just as much the man in the song as he is the figure who the figure is comparing himself to.

He does a lot of good, but he's still Clark Kent, the man who reminisces fondly about his deceased dad. He's Clark Kent, the guy who gets along with Lois Lane and who would take both halves of the world and hold them together under the sheer magnitude of his strength if it were falling apart around her. Now, he could probably physically do that - but it's the weight of how he feels about her that matters. It's something he shares with all of us at our most idyllic selves, with the fantastical element of actually being able to make good on his promise if he needs to - but he's still Clark Kent, the man. He still worries, and regardless of his supernatural ability to help them if he absolutely needs to, he still fiercely wants the people he loves to be okay.

Everything that makes Superman special is - for the last labored lyrical reference in this Tumblr post - the special things he's looking for inside of himself. He works as the impossible figure of a hero that a person might always strive to meet, to keep his family happy and comfortable and safe while keeping up the facade, but CLARK KENT IS ALSO THE GUY. HE'S A GUY. HE'S GOT A HEART PUMPING BLOOD AND EVERYTHING THAT'S AWESOME ABOUT YOU AND ME.

So like the song is a great case study of a man trying to live up to impossible standards and become infallible, which is fallacious and impossible by the narrator's own admission due to the human flaws that are screaming to come out against his efforts to be that sort of figure, but it's an outstanding case study of Superman as the man and the myth. The pretty face beside a train and the guy who acknowledges that men like him aren't meant to fly above the clouds.

And the weight to which I feel that this song exemplifies the duality of Superman so well is only exacerbated by the 10+ years of "what if someone killed Lois Lane and Superman became a fascist", or "what if Superman actually wasn't Superman but was actually Casual Murder Is Okay Man because real people would actually Commit Mass Murder if they were Superman", in almost every significant cultural depiction of Superman.

Like yeah, Evil Superman is a cool concept. But that's all he is to most people nowadays. If Evil Superman existed, who's SO MUCH COOLER and MORE INTERESTING than 1950's NUCLEAR FAMILY BOYSCOUT SUPERMAN, how would BATMAN have to KILL HIM????? Would he drop a KRYPTONITE MOON on him?????? It feels like that's all anyone says or feels about Superman any more.

So like, the song Superman (It's Not Easy) by Five for Fighting maybe isn't meant to be a commentary on the duality of Superman. Superman is explicitly a reference point, the narrator compares his efforts and struggles with the huge feats that Superman accomplishes despite the very human doubts and shortcomings that comes with being a guy in uncharted water who's just trying to do his best - but it's not explicitly "the guy is Clark Kent". It's just a metaphor for this regular-ass dude to vent his insecurities about being a supportive figure despite his insecurities. The comparison is invited, but it's not Literally a song about Clark Kent's relationship between himself and his persona of Superman. I'd even say that this is explicitly not the case.

But viewing it as being a comment on the duality of Superman, it's still one of the most cohesive and straightforward depictions of the guy in the last 20-ish years. It is a superb fucking song.

[bookwyrminspiration]

is the fandom topics irl like an actual for real class you're taking this semester? like college discussion class? bc if so that honestly sounds a bit like potential Hell

when I said "(serious)" i meant (serious). i'm actually taking a college class this semester on fandoms. obviously I don't know exactly what it'll entail, but it seems like it's gonna be about the phenomena of fandoms and fandom spaces, originality, and capitalism's influence.

and it could potentially be hell because i think. there is some unconscious purity culture going on here, but the professor doesn't seem to share it, which is a positive. and it's not extreme, at least not yet, but it's like *side eye*.

but it was only day one and I have faith in my ability to deal with other people having opinions I don't like sometimes, so we'll see :)

[cookinguptales]

as much as I wish it were otherwise, I feel like the way I would die in a horror movie is absolutely going to some out-of-the-way location to learn about a local religious custom and getting sacrificed or something.

like on one hand, I am always scrupulously respectful of the belief systems I'm studying, including accepting that some knowledge is not meant for me and that's okay, but on the other hand, I have been known to do some truly stupid bullshit to learn about something esoteric that's on public display. lmao

[thornheartfelt]

The fear of adding potentially adding a character to the f/o list when you're someone who generally doesn't like sharing, but the character is from media that's currently popular

[airenyah]

You know, my day started really shitty and the weather is all gloomy, so I put all my hopes on a JD show in GMMTV p2. I was cautiously optimistic. So as soon as I got home, I checked Twitter and the first post I saw was Joong and Dunk kissing next a car. And I was like OMG!!!!! So I watched the trailer, and I actually squealed, because the concept is amazing and they are with FirstKhao (who GMMTV loves), so the script will also be great, and I feel like my whole day is made. (I actually had a stray thought about this leading up to part2, like if JD and FK get a series together, JD will finally be in a quality production. Maybe I should invest in lottery tickets 😂). I finally completely understood the etymology of the word 'fan', because I'm the "unfollow me right now" meme. I'm an adult with an actual job and I still squealed and flailed like Ongsa because JoongDunk finally get a chance to shine.

But, that's not everything. Because then I logged into Tumblr and I saw that you posted an essay about Dunk to my ask from last week, and now I'm close to tears with how overjoyed I am. Thank you very much for taking the time and writing this manifesto that I'll use as a guide to better understand performances in the future. I love you too, you made this day way better than it already was 💜

P. S. As for the DMs, maybe when I'm less shy 😅

anonnnnnn i'm sorry it took me so long to reply to your last ask!! but yeah, i think you see why and i'm glad it made your day even better 💗💗💗

edit bc i forgot to mention: take your time about dming me, the links won't run away 😌💕

re: "I finally completely understood the etymology of the word 'fan', because I'm the "unfollow me right now" meme." I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING I LITERALLY MADE THIS POST THIS AFTERNOON:

so yeah, me too. me too. i too am that meme. i was already close to posting it hahahaha

as for the new JD show....

ok ok ok so i lucked out completely bc usually tuesday is my uni day but this week i don't have classes, so i was able to watch the entire stream live. and i was already mentally prepared for no JD bl again?? first of all because as i explain in my manifesto, i do want to see them in more solo projects (esp dunk bc out of all the series he's had or will have a major role in 3/4 are with joong which... as a fan i'm absolutely not complaining about but from an acting perspective it would be good for him to branch out)

and second of all, because i'd been talking and speculating with @moonkhao and a couple of days ago joong tweeted something about "this year i will get to play with that phi"?? and @moonkhao mentioned that win had recently followed joong and how it seemed like the two of them were gonna be in a series and we were all like "oh it's gonna be a het show for sure" (HA HA LOOK AT US NOW @moonkhao 🤡🤡🤡🤡) (ive never been more happy to be wrong tho fjkdfkkjdsg)

anyway so i went into the stream fully prepared for them to be in solo het-projects, right?? and when the trailer came on, in the very first shot it's joong and khao, right? but i totally didn't notice joong at first, bc i was too distracted by khao and the fact that first appeared right after and i was all "oh that's gotta be the rumored p'jojo FK mafia show"

and then joong appeared and i finally saw him and i went JOONG??????????

my eyes went big and my jaw dropped on the ground and my head was spinning with thoughts all "is joong gonna be just a side character in this?? or will dunk be there too?? holy shit what is happening????"

AND THEN DUNK CAME ON AND BY THIS POINT, IN ADDITION TO SITTING THERE WITH MY EYES AND MY MOUTH WIDE OPEN I ENDED UP SLAPPING MY HANDS ON MY MOUTH TRYING NOT TO SCREAM AND I WATCHED THE REST OF THE TRAILER AS WELL AS THE PRESENTATION/INTERVIEW AFTERWARDS LIKE THAT

i was literally shaking oh my god dfjkjdfkjdfkjdfjkdsjk

anyway. i'm not gonna be normal about this thanks

[cinna-bunnie]

love when u play a game and see some recurring themes in the negative reviews, then u actually play it yourself and know that people just aren't used to that kind of game or had preconceptions that just weren't correct.

[devotion-disorder]

You have to Try it…. Google a recipe …Its delicious . My Mom liked it alot. If u make it Right it Will taste Heavenly . I miss my mom

broccoli soup anon i would honestly die for you

[dionte-goethe]

so I'm working on my rare pair luo binghe/jiang cheng fic, right? it's two chapters, the set up and the payoff, you could say. The first chapter ended up coming out to about 14.5k words and while I had a few scenes of the second chapter ready when I finished and published the first one, I was like, you know, it'll probably double the word count and it'll take some time, but it shouldn't be too intense. Now the 2nd chapter is 20k words and counting. Since I'm doing it by scenes, I'm expecting about 17 scenes, more or less, and I have about 13 done.

I'm just saying, I was not expecting that. Sometimes stories just take a life of their own and drag you along for the ride.

[butwhatifidothis]

Me: Man, even if I prefer other ships, I can at least appreciate Claude///leth for finally having a lord/leth ship have the two be on equal standing with each other growth wise, where the two actually show off traits to the other that signify them as nice stand-alone characters that also happen to grow with each other quite well. It’d be a shame if any spinoff media were to completely fuck with the one thing I like about this ship-

Hopes: *heavily implies, if not outright state, that Claude only has any semblance of curiosity, morals, or trust if and only if he is in the general presence of Byleth and that he’d be literal garbage without them giving him good traits through osmosis*

Me: 

Me: well that’s unfortunate

[mellifloraa]

i'm so fucking proud of this fic already guys holy shit