#I don't think you're a terf if you do this

[thepoetrytheorist]

Casual Transphobia in the Queer Community in the Internet Age

If you are queer, please read this.

I can't believe I need to say this to the queer community in 2023, but I'm noticing a trend of transphobia in both online and irl queer spaces that is much worse and much more pervasive than when I was a baby queer in the late 00's.

I feel like we need to address casual transphobia more as a society. Of course it's important to discuss rampant transphobia, but we can't fully "fix" rampant transphobia without first talking about how normalised it is... even in our own community.

For background, I'm a 20 yearold anthropologist who happens to be trans. More specifically I am a genderfluid transmasc who identifies as genderquantum. My masculinity and femininity are inseparable. My pronouns are she/he. My gender can shift so rapidly that it's best not to assume which one I am feeling at any time. I am man and I am woman, and it is wrong to remove either of those from my identity.

I've also done extensive studies and research on human relationships and interactions. Why we act the way we do and what inherent societal norms are behind that.

I expect cisallohet's to misgender me, even in close and intimate relationships. It's quite normal for straight men to say to me "I understand that you're a trans, but I'm attracted to you as a woman." That sucks, but it's expected.

It's normal for my cisallohet friends to exclusively use he or she instead of mixing them up. I had to stop using "they" as a pronoun because I recognised that people refused to call me he and would just use she or they.

At the same time though, it's easy to expect the opposite from the queer community, when in reality... it can be quite the same. Quite a few lesbians have approached me and said "I'm sorry, I'm attracted to you, but I'm worried that it invalidates your identity as a man and mine as a lesbian." I've had gay men say to me, "but you're just a woman, so you wouldn't understand." These are all people who know my identity is genderfluid. These are all people who have been in the queer community for years. These are people for whom boxes are so important that they feel guilt when you exist outside of one.

I've even had bi and pan people say "but I see you only as a woman" "but you identify as a man!" "...but you're nonbinary right?" All of which are wrong, all of which misgender and misidentify me. All of which feel violent.

This is exactly the same if not worse than when straight people do it. It's exclusionist. It's misgendering.

And it happens to more than just genderfluid or other gender deviant people. It happens to mono binary trans people as well [people who identify exclusively as trans men or trans women].

We are being told "I'm sorry, but I only see you as your birth identity, and it makes me feel bad when I'm attracted to you" "you can't possibly understand my experiences, because you're not really a wo/man" "I'm sorry, but your identity as trans brings me discomfort in our interpersonal relationship since I have not come to terms with my own feelings towards real trans people."

To me, most of the issue is that in the age of the internet we feel as if we have to conform to the exact dictionary definition of our chosen label. We can't just be sapphic, we have to be lesbian. Bi means two, pan means all. And it's just bullshit. It's bullshit! You can have experiences that don't exactly conform to your identity. It's natural, it's normal, it's human. It doesn't have to change who you are.

You don't have to be a 5 star lesbian or 5 star gay man. You don't have to change your perception of the world to respect others! It's ok to befriend transfolk. It's ok to be attracted to trans folk. It's ok to pursue a relationship with someone who you genuinely like even if it doesn't quite match your identity.

It is not ok to make us feel bad for challenging your perceptions of yourself and the world around you.

Obviously I'm just one person on tumblr, I can't hope to make a difference with one essay textpost thingamajig. But if you've read this far, please examine yourself and your actions. You don't have do suddenly be the world's best trans ally, but please please please treat us with human decency and kindness.

[nervoustragedyluminary]

Reductress is just spreading terf rhetoric now

The "joke" is that nonbinary people are somehow escaping from violence by being trans that we can opt out of fearing violence and don't fear violence when walking at night....

Like just yuck as a transmasc nonbinary survivor whose actually aware of the stats of violence against nonbinary people this just disgusts me...

Also I'm betting they have talked to zero Black trans enbies or men or women of colour about how being seen as "scary" puts them in danger from racist white people & or they're just assuming all enbies are white idk it's disgusting... There's just so many layers to the bigotry and white fauxminism of this "joke"

They've previously made posts like this so idk if they've got terfs on staff who keep trying to slip this in to pipeline people or people who think certain trans people they dislike facing violence including sexual violence is funny and that those trans survivors are lying and shouldn't be beleived.

They're priming their audience to disbelieve and mock nonbinary trans survivors. They're literally pushing the "people transition to escape/opt out of patriarchal violence like a fun game" terf talking point which isn't reflected in the stats of violence against trans people who face higher rates of physical sexual and domestic violence than cis people

Just "it's a coin toss!"

As a survivor fuck you

Like the comments section is full of transphobia and people going "har har they think they're in danger they're delusional " or spouting transphobic BS and a trans man whose talking about how he fears violence walking at night being called 'female' and misgendered like well done you've curated a comment section full of transphobes and people who think trans people aren't who we say we are fucking yikes

None of the transphobic comments have been deleted reductress seems happy to leave up comments calling trans men "female" and saying that trans people are a danger to children

[maddy-ferguson]

it kind of sends me that even though they've been the main enemy on tumblr for like 10 years now people on here seem to have no idea what terfs actually believe????

[noctomania]

TERFs are truly some of the people I'm MOST embarrassed by. Reminds me of a younger version of myself but added in a huge heap of toxicity and audacity to think I'd have any authority over someone else's personal expression.

Go find a hobby. Go learn about rocks. Go start a band. Build a community center or host a game night in one.

Just play. Tap into being a creature. You are no better than me nor i better than you. You just insert yourself where you were not invited nor belong.

You've removed yourself sofar from everyone else thT you're just in a corner talking to yourself.WAKE UP.

you're not a feminist if you think you can tell people what to do with their bodies point blank period Full stop.

[levil0vesyou]

Literally what are you still doing here!!! What do you want!!! Just unfollow me!!! What, you didn't notice you're the one mutual I deliberately didn't refollow with the new main??

What do I have to do to get your terf ass to finally fuck off

[twelfth-dykector]

'new love' BY GIRL IN RED IS SOMEHOW SO INSANELY WOLFSTAR CODED AND GRANT X REMUS CODED?????? FROM BOTH SIRIUS' AND GRANT'S PERSPECTIVE?????? OH MY FUCKING GOD

[thedreadvampy]

hey fun thing. fun thing I'm experiencing lately. is that the case which every terf journo in the fucking UK is freaking themselves about FINALLY being able to put on the front page - trans woman convicted of rape sent to women's prison - is uhhhhhhhh. really close to home? emotionally? for me? and it's on every fucking newsstand????

(obviously transparent as fuck every time that everyone's suddenly so concerned about the wellbeing of women in prison when all the same publications are usually in the CRIMINAL SCUM PRISONS ARE TOO SOFT TRAIN but OKAY. OKAY. since you suddenly care so much about female prisoners shall we uhhhhh idk address the rate of sexual assaults by guards? police? other cisgender prisoners? maybe rethink the whole 'prison' thing as a whole? oh this is just about how you think trans women are scary again? cool. cool cool cool.)

[sureuncertainty]

at least now i've gone through an important tumblr rite of passage, watching a longtime mutual become a radfem :/

[dootznbootz]

There's something so specifically infuriating when someone uses one of your experiences or your demographic in an argument, especially if said argument is about spreading hatred or is just so wrong. They "speak on behalf of the ___" to say such fucked shit.

"You're not thinking of the ___!"

"I literally am ___. You saying that adds nothing as you do not speak for me or for other ___. Shut up."

[ghost-of-someone]

literally just saw some radfem bullshit on my dash, & then when I went to their blog to block them not only was it full of anti-trans half arguments & accusations of other people being childish, but one of the very first posts was about how a certain show would be better if one of the main characters was a young woman instead of an old man because they "don't like old people"

[sodafrog13]

man the irony of trans inclusive spaces still supporting harry patter is beyond me

[dogin8]

Bonkers to think that people have bad opinions just, all the time

anyways remember kids, fucked up bigoted beliefs NEVER come from a point of good intention "But we need to keep X group safe" shut up "But this is a slippery slope" Nope.

No matter how much a bigot might Think they have good intentions "The reason I'm homophobic is because of [bullshit non-violent non-hateful motive]" they're fucking wrong or lying.

The reason your average bigot is bigoted is because somebody smarter than them, better with words than them, more influential than them and more determined than them, will benefit from their bigotry.

The reason a british transphobe is transphobic is not because of some well intentioned fear for the safety of cis women, it is because the government WANTS them to be transphobic to facilitate genocide.

The reason a french islamaphobe is islamaphobic is not because of some well intentioned fear for the safety of women, it is because the government WANTS them to be transphobic to facilitate genocide.

The reason a United States xenophobe is xenophobic is not because of some well intentioned fear of terrorism, it is because the government WANTS them to be xenophobic to facilitate imperialist war.

Anyways despite the language above ^ being very 'this is always the reason' I am going to acknowledge that there are some bigots who don't pretend it's for good reason and there are some bigots who do so regardless of government bodies, BUT they're still doing it cause some Jordan Peterson type dickwad has told them to.

Bigots aren't well intentioned, They have never been well intentioned, I will always support explaining things to people when you have the chance to safely and properly do so, but Never give a transphobe the benefit of the "oh but maybe they actually just care about the safety of cis women" because whether they genuinely believe that or not it's fucking bullshit and shouldn't be treated as anything close to 'well intentioned'.

[14th-centuary-capitalism]

"don't buy hogwarts legacy because it funds transphobia" and "don't buy hogwarts legacy because it's basically an antisemitism rpg" are both incredibly valid arguments but it also just looks like a bad game

[deanpinterester]

WUH okay i think it’s finally time to download shinigami eyes

[haarute]

it's great to see everyone collectively becoming more aware and calling out terf nonsense on sight but also ngl chief living through tumblr during 2012-2018 and seeing not just jabs but also just horrid takes on men on the daily and this just being Normal did a lot of irreversible damage on my person and my own issues

[wild-at-mind]

TW abuse talk

Hey, remember that era of tumblr when it was completely acceptable and social justice-y to say: let us describe our perfect gay trans nonbinary world which we were going to build, our utopia. What would we do about rapists and abusers you ask? Well we will just kill them! Easy solution!!