#but you are trans exclusive

[thepoetrytheorist]

Casual Transphobia in the Queer Community in the Internet Age

If you are queer, please read this.

I can't believe I need to say this to the queer community in 2023, but I'm noticing a trend of transphobia in both online and irl queer spaces that is much worse and much more pervasive than when I was a baby queer in the late 00's.

I feel like we need to address casual transphobia more as a society. Of course it's important to discuss rampant transphobia, but we can't fully "fix" rampant transphobia without first talking about how normalised it is... even in our own community.

For background, I'm a 20 yearold anthropologist who happens to be trans. More specifically I am a genderfluid transmasc who identifies as genderquantum. My masculinity and femininity are inseparable. My pronouns are she/he. My gender can shift so rapidly that it's best not to assume which one I am feeling at any time. I am man and I am woman, and it is wrong to remove either of those from my identity.

I've also done extensive studies and research on human relationships and interactions. Why we act the way we do and what inherent societal norms are behind that.

I expect cisallohet's to misgender me, even in close and intimate relationships. It's quite normal for straight men to say to me "I understand that you're a trans, but I'm attracted to you as a woman." That sucks, but it's expected.

It's normal for my cisallohet friends to exclusively use he or she instead of mixing them up. I had to stop using "they" as a pronoun because I recognised that people refused to call me he and would just use she or they.

At the same time though, it's easy to expect the opposite from the queer community, when in reality... it can be quite the same. Quite a few lesbians have approached me and said "I'm sorry, I'm attracted to you, but I'm worried that it invalidates your identity as a man and mine as a lesbian." I've had gay men say to me, "but you're just a woman, so you wouldn't understand." These are all people who know my identity is genderfluid. These are all people who have been in the queer community for years. These are people for whom boxes are so important that they feel guilt when you exist outside of one.

I've even had bi and pan people say "but I see you only as a woman" "but you identify as a man!" "...but you're nonbinary right?" All of which are wrong, all of which misgender and misidentify me. All of which feel violent.

This is exactly the same if not worse than when straight people do it. It's exclusionist. It's misgendering.

And it happens to more than just genderfluid or other gender deviant people. It happens to mono binary trans people as well [people who identify exclusively as trans men or trans women].

We are being told "I'm sorry, but I only see you as your birth identity, and it makes me feel bad when I'm attracted to you" "you can't possibly understand my experiences, because you're not really a wo/man" "I'm sorry, but your identity as trans brings me discomfort in our interpersonal relationship since I have not come to terms with my own feelings towards real trans people."

To me, most of the issue is that in the age of the internet we feel as if we have to conform to the exact dictionary definition of our chosen label. We can't just be sapphic, we have to be lesbian. Bi means two, pan means all. And it's just bullshit. It's bullshit! You can have experiences that don't exactly conform to your identity. It's natural, it's normal, it's human. It doesn't have to change who you are.

You don't have to be a 5 star lesbian or 5 star gay man. You don't have to change your perception of the world to respect others! It's ok to befriend transfolk. It's ok to be attracted to trans folk. It's ok to pursue a relationship with someone who you genuinely like even if it doesn't quite match your identity.

It is not ok to make us feel bad for challenging your perceptions of yourself and the world around you.

Obviously I'm just one person on tumblr, I can't hope to make a difference with one essay textpost thingamajig. But if you've read this far, please examine yourself and your actions. You don't have do suddenly be the world's best trans ally, but please please please treat us with human decency and kindness.

[cipheramnesia]

Tumblr stop recommending me horny sapphic blogs that all say men dni in the pinned post, go back to sending me posts from the one that's just horny all the time please, I want the fat furries and the queer freaks that are way less respectably normal about me and my body.

[doggirl-narcolepsy]

Remaking this post because my old blog got nuked

Hey my old blog @doggirlnarcolepsy got terminated in the recent trans fem tumblr purge, so I'll be posting from this url from now on. Unless tumblr decides to reverse their rash and uncalled for decision, I guess...

Me and my wife have been struggling make ends meet this month and have an unpaid internet and power bill totaling at $225 that urgently need to be paid off or collection agencies will make our life a living hell recouping the charges and fees we will incur. (You can read the original post @queensizeddonger for more detail)

We haven't been able to pick up our hormones or my wife's ozempic yet, as we've been putting aside everything we've received to cover the overdue bills. We've haven't been able to cover groceries either for a while so we've been going days on and off without dinner as our only meal trying to ration what we have left.

Everything has just been so chaotic these last couple of weeks negotiating with utility companies for extensions, barely eating and tumblr nuking my blog out of literally nowhere.. If anyone is able to help out it would be a huge relief for the both of us and we would be incredibly grateful

P*yp*l: QueenSizedDonger

[cosmossystem]

"this event will only let in cis women and afab people!!! obviously this is the transmascs fault" And why the hell do you want to go to the event that doesn't acknowledge trans people as their gender? why do you want to be around terfs and radical feminists and transphobic cis women? why do you think WE want to go to those? do you think that's really going to be a safe space for anyone other than cis women? do you think we'll be able to relate to most of the experiences of cis women, without discussing how it intersects with a trans identity, and do you expect cis women to understand that intersectionality? Ok exactly

[bougiebutchbitch]

so much trans!logan content but so little trans!top!logan content???? when wade is canonically VERY into getting dicked down with a nice fat strap????? y'all are cowards. let the trans guy be a dommy top for once. possessing a cunt =/= bottom. fucking PLEASE

[sagasolejma]

Me, charging in the front door: OH GREAT AND AWE-INSPIRING WITCH OF THE VALE, I SHALL REQUIRE THINE AID IN THE MYSTICAL ARTS!!!!

*swoons into her arms, caressing her cheek*

Alas oh illustrious and beautiful witch, mine body has been struck by a force of nature of the most foul and despicable sort, causing strange black growths to pierce mine skin at the hour, leaving me in a horrid and unworthy state, fit only for life in the sewers where a monster like me shan't ever see the light of day again, never to once more know the tender touch and warmth of love... Could thou perhaps be persuaded to help an unfortunate soul like me, in her time of desperation and need?

The woman who's gonna do my laser hair removal: dude chill it's just body hair

[dadailybocch]

🤟ROCKER BOCCHI, ROCKER BOCCHI IS REAL 🤟

[punkeropercyjackson]

It's canon that Jason Todd can only be attracted to people who're willing to stand up to him and hates the idea of sex without love and i feel someone needs to tell the DC fandom that

[stardestroyer81]

It's true— she told me herself! 💞

(Blank template under the cut!)

[starbuck]

went to my first house show EVER tonight and TWO people said i was cute

[uncanny-tranny]

What they don't tell you about testosterone-induced body hair growth is that you'll see a sea of new baby hairs all over your body but there will be one hair that's like... fucking twice as long at least and sticks out so bad compared to everywhere else 😭

[lastseance]

also I think the hatred of men in queer spaces has kept people calling themselves "transmasc". They don't want to be associated with men because "ew men bad" (even though they are transitioning to be men) so they use the word transmasc, even if they are fem. Or because maybe they want to cling to the social value that being feminine or seen as less of a man can get you in queer spaces.

[breaking-binary-system]

Stepping back from Tumblr for a bit but saw some transmed posting shit so, wanted to say this

Trans people who experience dysphoria, your valid

Trans people who don't experience dysphoria, your valid

Ace/aro/agender/abrosexuals and more that start with A, your valid.

Multi-gender people, your valid

Neogenders/neopronoun users, your valid

LGBTQIA2+ people, you are valid.

By excluding some your saying no one else is valid. Let's break that and remember, you are valid

[trans-androgyne]

Ughhh why did I check my inbox :/ These people are so exhausting — “yes the belief that trans women are men dressing up as women is transmisogyny but transphobes actually never see trans women as men and you’re transmisogynistic for saying they do!! you and your Compatriots (funny) just looove calling trans women failed men, that’s why you’re saying this, definitely not because you’ve talked to trans women and know the very basics of transphobia”

[jjjordiiii]

I LOVE EXCLUDING PEOPLE BASED OFF THEIR LIFE EXPERIENCES

PEOPLE ARE NOT ALLOWED TO FIGURE THEMSELVES OUT THEY MUST KNOW FROM THE BEGINNING OTHERWISE THEY ARENT REAL QUEERS. PEOPLE ARENT ALLOWED TO FORCE THEMSELVES INTO HETERONORMATIVITY DUE TO INTERNALISED QUEERPHOBIA

Lil tangent about how retarded thinking like this is

I used to identify as bisexual because I thought I wasn't attracted to women all that much so I had to like men. After coming out as trans and embracing it as a part of me I noticed that the way I dealt with attraction was based on "would they be attracted to how I see myself?" Since I've always seen myself subconsciously as a woman that led me to think I only like men and queer women, but through experimenting I was able to better figure myself out and find that I wasn't actually attracted to men.

Experimentation is how some people find their queer identities. Previously straight men could identify as bisexual or gay through their experiences with men. Some learn that they're straight through seeking a queer relationship. Also past sexual experiences doesn't define who you are. If it were so, my mom would be bisexual, which she is not, purely because she's had sex with other women.

Division is pointless and doesn't change the cishet view of queerness. It doesn't make you "one of the good ones."

[feline-evil]

Dick or no dick confirmation Pickles was always going to be trans to me anyways; if he's swingin' somethin that's phallo babes, if he's not then his t-dick fat. What's not to get.