#I feel so grown up today omg and exactly where I’m meant to be

[stuckinapril]

if u need a confidence boost literally just walk somewhere in kitten heels with ur music on full blast

[princehairsupremacy]

Omg I've just read the request that i send to you and it IS SO FUCKING AMAZING. Can you do a second part? Pleasee?🥺 (it was the one about Harry having a crush and y/n sat on his lap)

I love it soooo much, you're great

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Part 1

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Word Count: 8.3k

Watch me do a Harry POV to do something different also read part 1 first but it isnt really needed if you dont want to !

I used she/her pronouns in this btw♡︎

No this is not the pegging fic and no i didn’t exactly finish it

Warnings: smut; bit of choking, spanking, unprotected vaginal sex, oral (f receiving), face riding, masturbation, dry humping?, edging, dom!h but also some of sub!h, idk touching?, handcuffing, degradation, sucking on fingers, swearing, handjob, fingering

You stopped your hips and looked back at him. "I think we should leave." You stood up and Harry stood up right after you, following you as you both basically speed walked to the exit of the event. Hopefully, this was going to be a fun and different night together, definitely different from your usual nights together anyway.

Harry

Is this actually happening? Is she actually taking me to my car after practically fucking dry humping me in public? I’m dreaming. I’m dreaming. I mean, I have to be, this would not ever be happening otherwise. She’s not interested in me, but this seems like a good dream so far.

Shit shit, I can see my mum, she cannot see us leaving like this together. I grabbed Y/N’s arm and dragged her over a different way. “My mum’s there and she’ll stop us and have questions about us leaving.”

“Oh okay, can we even get to your car this way?” I looked around and slapped my forehead, the only way to my car is past my mum and that is not fucking happening. “Come on, we’ll find something. Maybe she’s moved somewhere else.”

I peeked around the corner and saw her turned away, talking to some other guest there. “If we walk really fast we can get past her without her seeing us.” I moved my hand down to hers and started walking, smiling when we walked past my mum and she didn’t turn around.

“Harry!” Fucking shit. I twisted my head around, oh no my mum had spotted us at the last minute, why me? “Oh, Y/N. Come here guys.”

I sighed and turned around, quickly letting go of Y/N’s hand when I realised I was still holding on to it. My mum narrowed her eyes but thankfully didn’t mention it. “Are you guys leaving?”

“Y/N doesn’t feel well and I drove her here so I was going to take her home and get her in bed.” She looked at Y/N and pursed her lips.

“Looks fine to me.” She brought her hand up and pressed the back of it against Y/N’s forehead. “No temperature. Why are you guys really leaving?”

“I told you, Y/N doesn’t feel well, okay?” She slapped my arm lightly and I flinched, stepping back from her. “Ow!”

“Don’t lie to me. You were holding her hand.” I pressed my lips together and she raised her eyebrows, shaking her head at me. “Just go, I don’t want to know anymore.”

“Okay, I’ll go.” I’m gonna fucking kill myself, I want to die now, immediately. Well, after I do what I plan on doing then I want to die immediately. My mum turned around and I grabbed Y/N’s hand quickly, walking away with my head down in shame. “I hope I die today or never see my mum again.”

“It’s fine, you’re a grown man. Everyone does it.” I don’t want my fucking mum to know, regardless. Oh god, and she knows it’s Y/N, I’m never going outside. I’m never taking the risk of seeing her ever again. “Just forget about it.”

We stepped outside to the car park in the front of the building and I scrunched my face up, where did I park my car. “Shit, do you remember where I parked?”

“Uh, yeah? Over there.” She pointed to the right and I looked over, oh it is over there. I’m so fucking stupid sometimes. “How do you even forget where your own car is and I remember?”

“Just forget about it.” I grinned at her and she let go of my hand, starting to walk towards the car herself. “Don’t leave me, wait!” I speed walked to her and raised my hand up, opening it up and waiting for her to take my hand again. “Y/N, hold my hand.”

“No.”

“Hold it.”

“No.”

“Just hold it.”

“No, shut up.” I huffed and dropped my hand back down to my side, pouting like a little fucking kid as I walked to car beside her. “Oh stop with the little sad face, that’s not getting you anything.”

“Oh, I’m not getting anything? So you just want me to drive you home and then I’ll go to mine?” She gave me an aggravated look and grabbed my hand, squeezing it tightly. “Um, ow.”

“Deal with it, you giant baby.” I pulled her closer with my hand and stopped us, leaning down and puckering my lips.

“Give me a kiss.” She raised her hand and pushed my face away, looking at me with disgust. “Hey, give me a kiss. You’re just rude now, give me a kiss.” I brought my hands up to her face and she pushed them away.

“Harry, we’re in public.” I stepped back, oh, forgot about that. No one knows about us yet, forget about my mum, because this is just happening today and now. It’s private. It’s not even a relationship. Yet? “Sorry, I’m just not really wanting to do public affection like that right now. Let’s just get to the car.”

“Okay.” I gave her a smile to hide my sadness about the slight rejection and let go of her hand since she obviously wasn’t comfortable with that at the moment. “No pressure, you don’t have to do anything.” She smiled at me and walked in front of me to the car.

I jogged to the passenger side of the car and opened the door for her before she could. “Already trying to score brownie points...” She grinned at me as she leaned down and sat in her seat.

“Not trying to score brownie points, ‘m just a proper gentleman.” I closed her car door and walked to the drivers side on the right, quickly getting in and buckling my seat belt. I pressed my foot down on the brake pedal and inserted my key into my car, twisting it. I let go of my keys and moved my hand to my gear, switching it to ‘drive’. I quickly released the parking brake, moving my foot to the gas pedal and pressing down on it gently, starting to move out of the parking space.

“You look hot when you do that.” My eyebrows raised and I looked at Y/N for a second before turning back to the road and focusing on what I was doing.

“I look hot while turning the car on?” She licked her lips and shrugged her shoulders, moving her hand to my thigh. “No affection?” She moved her hand slowly up and down my thigh, squeezing it once or twice.

“You don’t just turn the car on when you do that.” I placed my hand on top of hers on my thigh and stopped it. “Let me touch you, Harry.”

“While I’m driving? I’ll crash.” I nudged her hand off my thigh and her shoulders slumped, she crossed her arms and moved her legs away from me, staring outside the passenger window. “I can touch you though. If you want.”

She spread her thighs a little and I let go of the steering wheel, trusting myself to be able to drive with one hand. My hand landed on her thigh and she kept staring out the window but I noticed her thighs part even more. “Quickly.” Quickly? I’m trying not to crash.

“Okay. Do you want me to take your underwear off or just-“

“I’ll just take them off, Harry. Don’t worry.” I gulped as her hands disappeared underneath the loose part of her dress and she pulled her underwear down her legs. “Oh, where am I meant to put them?”

“Um, your bag? Wait, you don’t have a bag. Give them to me.” I opened up my hand and she placed her underwear on my palm. I looked down at my hand and cleared my throat, quickly raising my hips and stuffing them in my pocket, dropping my butt back down onto the seat when I got them in.

“Hey! You didn’t say you were going to be a little pervert about it!” I gave her a little smirk and I moved my hand back to her thigh, rubbing it up and down her inner thigh. “If you’re going to touch me just do it already.”

“Not with that attitude.” She gave me an irritated look and I smiled back at her. “Obviously joking, ha, I will touch you.” I slid my hand under her dress and tightened my hand around the wheel when I felt her wetness on the pads of my fingertips. “Fuck...”

I started to rub slowly where I thought her clit was but I literally can’t see anything and I’m guessing I didn’t get it my first time because she grabbed my arm and turned towards me. “Up.”

“Oh, sorry.” I move my middle finger up and she nods so I start to rub in slow circles, that was embarrassing. I dragged my middle finger back down and slowly moved it into her, I guess me turning the car on really did turn her on as well? But what about it? That’s what I’m not getting.

I moved my ring finger into her too and she grabbed my arm again but I don’t think she was stopping me this time, just looking for something to grip onto and going with my arm. “Move your fingers, stupid.”

“I’m sorry, I’m trying not to crash while I’ve got my fingers in you!” She dug her nails into the skin of my arm slightly and I winced. “Okay, okay.” So mean for pleasure. I mean, I don’t mind much.

I pulled my fingers back until just the tip of them were still inside then moved them back in, repeating this action and over time moving my fingers faster. “That’s better...” Her nails dug into my skin again, at least this time it was out of pleasure and not utter annoyance.

I quickly looked around at the cars around us while we stopped at a red light , once I’d shifted to the right gear of course, everyone seemed to be oblivious to what was happening, thank god. I looked at her while I could, first looking at the way my arm was moving and then my eyes wandered up to her face, her head was pressed against her seat and she had her mouth open with her eyes almost falling shut. I fucking wish we weren’t in the car right now, I want to fuck her so badly.

I turned back towards the light and they were already yellow so I shifted the gear from what it was on and pressed down on the gas pedal when it turned green, moving my fingers faster and hearing her let out a little moan and then she slapped her hand over her mouth. “No, don’t hide them.”

She dropped her hand back down to her side and I shifted my hips, at least there’s not that much more driving to do, I don’t think I could survive that.

I took the left into my street and quickly parked the car, I’ve never really been good at parking honestly. I slowly pulled my fingers out of her and she frowned but widened her eyes when I looked her in the eyes and put my fingers in my mouth and sucked them. “Harry you can’t just...do that.”

“And why not?” I grinned and unbuckled my seatbelt, showing her the cheeky grin on my face before getting out of the car. I frowned when I saw that she had already got out too when I was going to open her door for her again.

“Too late, sorry mr. gentleman.” I rolled my eyes at her antics and grabbed my keys out of my back pocket, walking to the door and sticking the key in the lock, twisting it and unlocking it, I walked in the door and held it open and she walked in, it seemed I was pressed up against the door as soon as it had shut, there were like no seconds in between the door shutting and me being against it.

“Woah there.” I grabbed onto her shoulders and turned us around, making her be pressed up against the door instead. “I don’t think so.”

“What, you’re too insecure to let me take a little control?”

“I just prefer to be in control, y’know?” She shrugged her shoulders and softly grasped my hands, bringing one to her shoulder and the other to her neck.

“Be in control then, Harry.” I stepped closer to her and closed my fingers around her neck, pressing my fingers into her skin, I like her but I also want to hurt her and fuck her until she can’t do it anymore and she’s at her breaking point, is that normal? Maybe. “Let yourself do what you want to me.”

“Trust me, I’m going to do that.” I leaned down and pressed my lips against hers, this kiss made it feel like time stopped when I done it, my heart was pounding in my chest and my knees were getting weaker every second. I could only focus on the fact that her lips felt so soft against mine and how I was already addicted, how I wanted to do this forever.

It felt like just raw emotion when we were kissing, we weren’t kissing because we felt like we had to, we were kissing because we felt like we wanted to. I’m not sure if my mind was tricking me with this moment right now but if this were to be a dream, I would be devastated to ever wake up from it.

I pulled back a little for some air and opened my eyes to sneak a peek at her pretty face before moving back in. I took my hand away from her neck and brought it down to her hand and I swear my heart skipped a beat when she intertwined her fingers with mine. Now just didn’t feel like the time to have my fingers around her neck, this moment felt too sweet for it in my opinion.

I think my whole body was tingling at the moment and I pressed myself against her, making sure to keep my lips right against hers. I felt her fingers go under my shirt and lay against my stomach and my heart stopped for a moment, her fingers were cold...

I gasped against her lips at the feel of her hand on my skin and groaned when her nails scratched my stomach, just the feeling of her was amazing, I didn’t ever want her to leave me now, I need her. My stomach was in a knot every time she’s around and a few years ago I started to notice some beautiful little details of her that I hadn’t even thought about before.

She smelt so good, no matter what, I didn’t care, she smelt good, it was one of the first things I noticed. Then I started to notice how jumpy I’d get when we touched or even accidentally touched but I didn’t want her to let go at the same time, it was the strangest thing to me when I first started feeling it but now I understand, I was starting to develop feelings. It was like in the movies when the best friend finally realises he’s in love with her and she’s the only one he’ll ever need.

My skin crawled with goosebumps as I felt her start to unbutton my shirt with her delicate fingers, how long had we been kissing now? Not long enough. Whatever perfume she was wearing right now was bloody intoxicating, I took every opportunity I could to take a deep breath in through my nostrils because the smell was just that addicting to me.

I brought my hand up from her shoulder and laid it softly on her cheek, stroking her skin with my thumb. I had no fear over my growing crush on her because now I knew she felt the same, hopefully it could only go up from here.

She pulled back and took a deep breath in, pressing her hand to her chest and giggling. “That was the best kiss I’ve ever had, H.”

“Let’s do it again then.” She parted her lips and I leaned back in, moving my tongue in through her parted lips this time. I tilted my head to the side and she tilted hers the opposite way. I started to move backwards towards the bedroom, trying to kiss her at the same times but this is not as easy as they make it look in the movies.

I kept walking backwards and then suddenly tripped over something, almost landing on my ass in front of her. I looked down and spotted a stray wire, I let out a frustrated noise and kicked it away. “I wish you fell, that would have been so fucking funny.”

“Ugh, that’s so rude.” I gave up on trying to kiss her and turned around, still keeping her fingers intertwined with mine as I entered the bedroom. I sat at the edge and she got on my lap, giving me a sweet smile. “I can’t believe this is happening still.” I said it in such a vulnerable tone, I never really sound like that.

“Aw.” I couldn’t imagine what it’d be like if everyone know what we were doing, especially our friends, they were always betting on us getting in a relationship or at least hooking up. It was annoying and it made me blush but I also crossed my fingers at the same time when they mentioned it, I wanted it to happen for so long and now it is. “It’s happening, baby.”

She started to grind her hips and my eyes snapped down to my lap, I did not expect her to do that already. I reached my hands up to her face and pulled her face down so that her lips touched mine again, I needed to kiss her again. Her lips were already swollen and plump from the time we kissed before but I didn’t care, her kiss was so addicting.

I nibbled at her bottom lip and she pressed her hips down harder against mine, making me shudder and let go of her bottom lip that was caught between my teeth. “Fucking hell, keep doing that.”

“That feel good?” I sucked in a breath through my teeth as she finished unbuttoning my shirt and pushed it down my shoulders and off my arms. She licked her lips and leaned down, sucking one of my nipples.

“Shit. Shit. Shit! Please.” I desperately pleaded her, her hands grabbed onto my belt loops and she tugged at them. “Love, stop.” She immediately stopped what she was doing and leaned back with a concerned face.

“Sorry, did you not want me to do that?” I grabbed onto her hips and shifted her onto my thigh.

“No, it was good. Just wanted to move you onto my thigh.” I pushed her hips forward and her mouth dropped open in realisation. “Go on, pretty girl. Go and get yourself off with my thigh.” She gave me an unsure look but moved her hips against my thigh anyway.

I felt like I was fucking aching for her touch, my body was yearning for it and screaming at me to be selfish and focus on my pleasure but I knew I was always coming second to her. “I want to make you cum until you feel like you can’t fucking do it anymore.”

“I want you to do it too.” She choked out, too focused on moving herself against my thigh. I flexed my thigh and she let out a pleasurable noise, that’s the exact sound I want to hear if I ever see the gates of heaven honestly, utterly perfect.

“Why don’t you take your clothes off, love? It’ll feel better.” She got up and started to take off the leggings she had on while I quickly unbuttoned and unzipped my trousers, lifting my hips up and dragging them down my legs. Pink lace, pink lace. She’s wearing pink lace. I’m fine. I’m okay. I’m alright.

She sat back on my thigh, right on my tiger tattoo. Fuck, she’s hot. The skin of her thighs was glistening from sweat and it just made her look fucking delicious, her exposed thighs were simply beautiful. Every part of her was so fucking beautiful, I had a new greed for her body that kept developing more and more as we continued.

Her skin glistened and glowed under the pale light in my room that I’d put in, I could stare forever. Her hips rutted against my thigh and I felt that my eyes really were tricking me, she was getting herself off on the tiger tattoo in pretty pink lace. 100% a dream.

“I can’t do this anymore.” Her hips stopped and her eyes widened when I said it. “I need to get my tongue on you.” I watched her shuffle off my thigh and she turned around and bent down as she grabbed her underwear and pushed them down her legs, giving me the ultimate view of her ass. “I’m gonna grab something, you can wait here for me.”

I stood up and she grabbed my hand pulling me towards her. “You leaving me all alone, H? Can’t guarantee I won’t do something bad.”

“Just sit on the bed and fucking wait for me, be a little patient. I’m not even going to leave the room.” I gave her a warning look and then walked past her, to my drawers where I kept my stuff...that I like to use.

“What’re you getting there?” I pressed my lips together and didn’t answer her, she can wait and see. “Harry, what are you getting?”

“Fucking hell, just wait. You’ve waited 1 minute, probably less.” I opened the drawer and grabbed the fluffy red Gucci handcuffs I owned, I hope she likes these.

(in case you’ve never seen the handcuffs)

I held them up and then turned around. “How do you feel about these?” She covered her mouth and giggled a little bit, shit, did she not like them? Did I just fucking embarrass myself? “Oh, I’m guessing that’s a no, I’ll put them away. Forget about it.”

“No! Don’t put them away! I just didn’t expect you to have fluffy red handcuffs, but I don’t mind them.” I walked over and grabbed her wrists with my left hand. “You going to cuff me, Harry?”

“Yeah, ‘m gonna fucking cuff yeh. Move back then get on your hands and knees for me, okay?” She furrowed her brows together but moved back, I don’t think she was getting what I was going to do today. I crawled up on the bed towards her when she finally turned around onto her hands and knees and kneeled beside her. “Give me your hands.”

She leaned back onto her heels and held her hands out for me, watching in curiosity as I raised them towards the headboard and cuffed her hands together. “I thought you wanted to, in your words, get your tongue on me.” She leaned forward and grabbed onto the headboard, resuming her position before except her hands were now in a different place.

“I will, I’ll just be under you.” Her head quickly turned towards me and I gave her a cheeky grin before getting behind her, parting her thighs. “You already wet for me?”

“Yeah...” I brought my hand to her ass and squeezed it softly, such beautiful skin.

I laid down under her, my face was below hers and she looked down at me. “Come on, get on m’face.” She moved forward on her knees until she was right above my face and I grabbed onto her hips, pulling her down onto my mouth.

I opened my mouth and stuck my tongue out, pressing the tip against her clit. I heard that it’s good to just do the alphabet until you find what get’s her thighs shaking and her letting out some moans.

Okay. A. B. C. D. E

Oh a reaction for e. Let’s go with e then.

I moved my tongue in an e shape a few times then flicked it up and down, I looked up and she was watching me, she finally let out a moan when I moved my tongue in an e shape against her clit. Her thighs pressed against the sides of my head and I reached my hands up, grabbing onto her ass.

I moved my right hand back slightly and then brought it back down on her ass, slapping it. “Woah!” She pushed her hips down on my mouth and her thighs squeezed around my head a little tighter. Fucking suffocate me if you have to. “Do it again.”

I brought my hand down on her ass again, but harder, way harder this time. I wanted to hurt her...but in a good way! “I like that.” I lifted both of my hands up to her ass and made her move her hips, she tightened her grip on the headboard and started to grind on my tongue on her own. I hope I can do this again and again and again and again.

I sucked on her clit softly and she moaned my name, yes, boost my ego baby. “Shit, Harry. I feel it.” I sucked on her clit harder for a few seconds then pushed her away from my mouth. “What’re you doing, you asshole?”

“I’m doing what I want.” I sat up and she sat herself down on my thighs, her arms resting on my shoulders since her hands were still cuffed behind me. I raised my hand up and pressed it against her throat, my 4 fingers gripping the right side of her neck and my thumb pressing into the skin on the left side of her neck.

“I want to touch you, can’t you let me out the handcuffs for a minute?” She could beg and plead all she wanted but I was going to do this my why, I was going to do what I pleased, unless she told me to stop. “Please, Harry.”

“No, I’m doing what I fucking want with you, don’t ask me to do anything. Fuck, I just want to get my tongue on you again.” I let go of her neck and brought my hand to the neckline of her dress, thank god it was strapless. “Can I move this down?”

“Yeah.” I gripped the neckline with both of my hands and pulled it down until her chest was exposed, groaning when it was revealed that she didn’t wear a bra under her dress. “Can’t you take the rest of your clothes off, H?”

“You’re in my lap, I can’t exactly do that right now.” She raised her hands and brought them over my head then moved herself off me and I raised my eyebrows, she just loves testing me, huh? “Wow, real smart.”

“I know. Take your clothes off, you can do it now.” I rolled my eyes and smiled as I grabbed onto the waistband off my boxers and caught her stare.

“Maybe I shouldn’t take them off, since you think you can just tell me to do it.” She huffed impatiently and leaned forward, grabbing onto my boxers herself. “You can’t just-“ She pulled them down until they were at the middle of my thighs and then leaned back. “Come here.”

“I’m sorry-“

“Come here.” She sat back on my thighs and avoided eye contact. “What made you think you could do that? I didn’t tell you to.” I grabbed her chin and tilted her head up so she was looking at me. “Tell me what made you think you could just do what you want.”

“I was just getting impatient, I know I shouldn’t have.”

“What a bad fucking excuse. Might as well actually take them off. Hurry up.” I let go of her chin and she grabbed my boxers again, pulling them off my legs. “Are you listening now? I might un-cuff you if you use your mouth right.”

“I’m listening, Harry. I’m sorry.” She’s such a talker, I wonder if she sucks as good as she always does in my dreams. She always leaves me satisfied and I leave her satisfied, always good fucking dreams than I hope I’m going to re-live right now. “You said you were going to use your tongue on me.”

“Can’t a guy change his mind when the person he’s in bed with is a fucking brat?” Admittedly, I did honestly want to use my tongue like I do in almost every dream I have but...I can’t just let her think that she can do something when I didn’t tell her to do it or I told her not to do it. “You said you were listening so why the fuck are you questioning me, anyway?”

“I didn’t want to question you, I was just looking forward to...never mind I’ll-“

“No, just don’t. I can’t even be bothered anymore, that’s how fucking annoying you’re being. Get off my lap and lie on your back like a good girl would.” She got off me and I bit my lip at her obedience, this is still a little strange at times but I’m not going to stop it, I’m enjoying myself so much. “You don’t get to come again, because of how much you’ve pissed me off.”

“What? You don’t have to do that, Harry. I’m sorry. Don’t do that again, please.” She had a pleading tone to her voice and I rolled my eyes, she can take what she gets. “Please don’t, I said sorry?”

“Talking is not making this any better, be quiet or I’ll have to put something in your mouth to shut you up. But you don’t even deserve that, the most you deserve is getting to suck on my fingers.”

“Can I?” I should’ve expected her to say that. “Please?” She probably doesn’t deserve it actually...but I just really want to see this, badly. I placed my index and pointer finger on my right hand on her lips and she opened them, letting me move my fingers into her mouth slowly.

“You just love having something to suck on, don’t you? You love sucking on whatever you can get from someone, baby? Lay back like I told you to now.” She grabbed my arm and slowly moved onto her back, I looked down at her body and shivered. Mine. “Need my fingers back, love.”

She shook her head and I pulled my fingers out her mouth myself. “You better start doing things when I tell you to. You’re a brat. That’s what you like to be though, isn’t it? A fucking annoying brat. You want someone to be in control of you but you don’t make it easy for them. You don’t deserve me touching you right now, do it yourself.”

“W-what?” I pushed her thighs apart and grabbed onto her hand, making her move it down her body until she got to her lower stomach. “You actually want me to do it myself?”

“Yeah, I want you to do it yourself, so do it.” I let go of her hand and she started to move it down herself, stopping for a moment. “No reason to be scared or anything, you can do it in front of me, I’m not going to judge you or make fun of you. Don’t have to if you don’t want to though.” 

“I can do it. I can.” She moved her hand down and then stuck out her middle finger, pressing it down on her clit and then moving it in circles. What a sight.

“Easier than you thought, innit. Just keep going, you have to listen to what I say though.” She nodded her head and closed her eyes, keeping her finger moving at a slow and steady pace. I can’t believe it took me so long to realise that I love her.

I love her so much. I want to be with her in every way. I want to be with her through every emotion I ever feel for the rest of my life. I want to be with her when I’m sad, I want to be with her when I’m happy, I want to be with her through it all. I want a family, but if she doesn’t want that, that’s okay too, I can live with it. All of it’s going to be for her now. Just for her.

When I touch her, I feel my face burning up, she teased me about it but I don’t think she knew it was because of her. It’s like I’m an obsessed teenage boy who just discovered that he’s into people, I can’t stay away from her. I really do need her. She may tease me but she’s always been so sweet to me, even when other people weren’t, she was.

She always helped me out, even helped me out with my crush, I don’t think I actually liked them, just couldn’t accept that I liked her yet and just tried to pick someone else to focus on instead. It didn’t work, she was around me so much constantly. I wonder if she felt the same.

Was she as obsessed as I was? Was she not able to sleep because she could only think about me too? Probably not. Imagine staying awake because of some boy with curly hair, that’d be pretty weird. No one would have thought about me like that, especially her.

I want to be good to her.

“Harry...please touch me, feels better.” Need to be good to her.

“Yeah, I can do that. I’ll do it. Move your hand.” She lifted her hand away and I licked my lips. Right, fuck...what am I doing? Well I know what I’m doing, I think. Doing her. “Do you want me to touch you or do you want me to...”

“You’ve suddenly gotten shy? Do what you want, Harry. Actually...I haven’t got to touch you since we started this. Will you let me?” As if I’m going to tell her no, that would just be pure stupidity.

“Yeah, of course.” She sat up and I moved beside her, this is really weird now. Like...I thought about it? But now it’s actually happening? I just didn’t think it would happen. This moment is very surreal for me. I don’t even care if we stop right now anymore, just want her here with me. How it should be. “Of course, no pressure to do this-“

“Harry, I asked.”

“Right.”

I remember the first day I realised I liked her, I was 14 or 15, I really was starting to notice her then that day it just clicked in my mind.

I looked at her and I knew. That day...she also asked me to kiss her for the first time, but not for the reason I would’ve wanted.

11 years ago, Harry’s room.

Mum let Y/N come over today, it is summer, there’s not much of a reason for her to say no. I looked over at her and saw her scrolling through her phone and I let out a puff of air through my lips out of boredom.

“Oh, what is it?” I looked over at her on her spot on the floor, I laid back and let my head hang off of the edge of the bed, keeping my eyes on her. “You look weird when you’re upside down like that, stupid.”

“Thanks a lot. I’m bored, don’t you want to do something except go on your new phone? What on there could possibly be more interesting than me?” She grinned and I groaned, she definitely had something to tell.

“Well, you know Aidan?” I nodded my head and closed my eyes, Aidan’s a nice guy but he’s nothing compared to me. But I, of course...am not trying to make a move on Y/N. “Well, he gave me his number and we’ve been texting non-stop, I’m really excited about it, he’s such a good guy.”

“Pfft, I’m better. I’m sure anyone would rather hang out with me than Aidan. I’m a good guy too, I’ve always treated you good, haven’t I?” She raised an eyebrow and I slapped my hand over my mouth, why do I sound jealous? “Please, I just want you to hang out with me when you come over.”

“You really are needy. Fine.” She clicked the off button on the side of her phone and stood up, walking over to the side of the bed. I felt something on my stomach and lifted my head up, she laid her head on my stomach. Made me feel funny. “What are we going to do then?”

“You want to go out somewhere, we could go in my back garden? Treehouse?” Her head perked up and she slapped my stomach lightly. “Um, ow?”

“You’re a genius, treehouse it is then.” She stood up and I forced myself to sit up, raising my arms and stretching my back to try to get it to maybe crack, it fucking hurt getting up after being it that position. “C’mon lazy, get up.”

“I am, I am. Fucking hell.” I grabbed my shoes that were just beside the bed and quickly put them on, getting up and following behind her as she opened my door and made her way out of my room. “I swear you walk around this place like you live here sometimes...”

“I basically do.”

“That’s very true.” She reached behind her and grabbed my hand, I felt my face immediately heating up and she didn’t even react as she dragged me behind her while she walked down the wooden stairs. “It’s just the treehouse, it’s not going anywhere, you don’t need to hurry.”

“I want to hurry though, I like the treehouse.”

“Do you use me for my treehouse?”

“Yes.” I gasped and she squeezed my hand tightly, making me let out a yelp of pain. “Don’t act like you didn’t know that the only reason I hang out with you is for Gemma and your treehouse. I’ve always liked Gemma better than you by the way.” I rolled my eyes and pulled on her arm so that she stopped.

“If we run anymore I’m probably going to get a stitch. Also, I’m much better than Gemma don’t lie, you always hang out with me when you’re here.” I could just imagine that sharp pain in my side, fuck no, it’s the worst, I’ll do all I can to avoid getting a stitch.

“I hang out with you so that our friendship can build up and I can break your heart so much you’ll never forget me, baby.” Friend-zoned and called baby in the same sentence, okay. “Nah, don’t worry. Still love you.” She leaned over and kissed my cheek, quickly turning back around and dragging me out of the house to the back garden with her.

She just kissed my cheek. She just kissed my cheek? I brought up to my cheek and held it there as we walked out of the door to my garden. I got to slap myself, got to wake up. I raised my hand and brought it down onto my cheek, groaning when she turned around at the slapping noise and I learned it wasn’t a dream and I’ve just embarrassed myself. “Did you just slap yourself?”

“I felt something on my cheek, thought it was a fly or something, I hate them.” She raised her eyebrow to show that she was unconvinced and let go of my hand, walking away from me to the ladder that led to the treehouse.

“Whatever, let’s go up.”

“Wait! I need to go up and...clean...” She gave me a cheeky smile and grabbed onto the ladder, quickly moving up it. “Wait! Stop!”

“Nope!” I went up the ladder after her, quickly realising I had to stare at the ladder as I went up because she chose to wear a dress today. “What’re you hiding in here?...” She made her way into the treehouse and I went in after her. “Is this a diary?”

“No! Don’t read it!”

She opened up the first page and started to read it aloud. “I’ve been feeling different about her lately-“ I grabbed the personal little diary from her quickly and closed it, squeezing the edges tightly and probably causing some damage from how tightly I was gripping it. “Aw, have you got a little crush on someone, Harry? Who is she that you’re talking about?”

“None of your business!” I placed the book behind me and crossed my arms. “Just leave it alone...”

“Hm, alright...have you kissed anybody yet?” Should I lie or tell the truth? The truth is a little too embarrassing but I don’t like lying to her.

“Uh, no. Have you?”

“No...the reason I asked is well...I don’t want to go out with Aidan without even kissing anyone, so I was going to ask if...could you kiss me?” Woah woah woah, did she just actually ask me to kiss her? Pause, this can’t be right. “Please? It’ll feel like it’s over as quickly as it started, promise.”

“Yeah, I can totally kiss you. Just because you asked.” I should totally not be getting butterflies right now. “Let’s do it quickly. If we wait, I’m not going to be able to do it.”

“Right, okay...” I crossed my legs and sat in front of me, copying the way I crossed my legs. “Come here, then.”

I lifted my hand up to her cheek and leaned my upper body forward towards her, this is so normal. I closed my eyes and pursed my lips, just moving forward until I felt her lips against mine. Fuck.

I think I’ve figured out what the butterflies mean.

Present

“Harry, are you alright? It’s like you’re somewhere else.” She snapped her fingers in front of my face and I turned my head to look at her. How the hell did I drift away while this was happening. “Do you still want to do this?”

“I still want to, I just went somewhere else for a second, sorry.” Her hand landed on my thigh and I stared down at it, I think it just actually hit me what we’re doing, she’s going to try and...get me off? Ew, can’t believe I just said that, sorry.

“Okay.” Her hand moved up my thigh and I turned my head towards her again. “Relax, there’s no pressure to continue anymore.”

“I just need you to kiss me, I don’t feel pressured.”

“I can do that.” I lifted up to her cheek like I did that first time and leaned in towards her, pressing my lips against hers and moving my hand down to her throat but I didn’t squeeze tightly in case she didn’t want it.

I felt her hand close around my cock and I pressed my fingers into the skin of her neck. She pulled back from my lips and moved to my neck as she started to move her head, twisting it when she moved her hand up. “Uh-“

She started to suck my skin between her teeth and I moved my hand to the back of her head, keeping her there. “Fucking h-“ Her hand started to move faster and I squeezed my hand around her throat tighter, I could barely see anymore, my vision was so blurry from the pleasure.

She pulled back from my neck and I let go of her throat, instead choosing to grip the bedsheets because I don’t want to hurt her too bad. “You can’t even speak, can you?” She reached up and wrapped her fingers around my throat like I did before. This is new. But a really fucking good kind of new. “You look a little pathetic, I’m touching you and you can barely speak. I don’t even have to try, do it?”

“No...” I mumbled back my response quietly and she smirked, I’ve never really been the one without power but this is...good. So good.

“Are you not going to speak up? Imagine people knowing that the Harry Styles is actually pathetic and likes to be choked?” Is she degrading me? Why don’t I have a problem with it?

“I’m not ashamed.”

“No? Would you beg on your knees, H?” She stopped moving her hand and let go of my cock, making me whine. “Would you beg for me to touch you?”

“What?” Beg on my knees? She’d probably laugh at me.

“Would you beg on your knees?” She tightened her hand around my throat and I swallowed harshly, what the actual fuck is happening? “Are you nervous, Harry?”

“Pfft, me? Nervous? Nope! I’m just...unsure...about what is happening.”

“It’s okay to be the vulnerable one sometimes, Harry, but only be the vulnerable one if you’re comfortable with it.” She released her grip on my throat and I reached up, laying my hand over hers and making her squeeze my neck tightly again.

“I can be the vulnerable one...well...I can try my best to be the vulnerable one.” I kept my hand over hers and stared at her straight in the eyes, she needs to know I’m being serious since I’m not serious most times, which can cause problems.

“Have you thought about this before? Thought about someone telling you what to do instead of telling them?” I swallowed and contemplated whether I should tell her or not, she wouldn’t embarrass me surely? Then again, it turns out the she rather enjoys humiliating me so I don’t know. “Hurry up and tell me before I stop what I’m doing.”

“Yes! I-I thought about it before but I was too scared to try it or ask someone to try it so I just didn’t...can I touch you?” I reached my left hand out to her and she slapped it away, not harshly but it left a little sting. “Damn!”

“You didn’t even wait after you asked your question, I was going to say no, by the way. You probably wouldn’t have fucking listened anyway.” She squeezed her hand around my neck when she said those last three words and I whimpered at the feeling of pleasure I was getting from the pain. “Oh you like that?”

“Yeah...just let me fucking touch you.” I grabbed her arm and she let go of my throat from shock. “I can’t wait anymore, I was enjoying myself but I’m not patient, I’m not waiting on you any longer.” I pushed her back down onto the bed and crawled over her. “You can just listen to me now.”

“No, you can’t just- I was enjoying myself! Do you know how fun it is making men be the ones begging to be touched?” She pouted her lips and I smiled, too bad.

“How do you expect me to listen when you can’t listen yourself? I’m going to do what I want.” I rested my middle and ring finger on her lips. “Suck ‘em.”

“No.”

“Fucking do it.” She opened her mouth and stuck her tongue out, I moved my fingers onto her tongue and she wrapped her lips around them. “Good girl.” I brought my other hand to her cheek and smoothed my thumb back and forth on her skin.

I pulled my fingers out of her mouth and she smirked at me. “That what you wanted?” The small smile I had on my face dropped immediately when I heard her sarcastic tone, she’s trying to annoy me. “I’m sorry, did I say something wrong?”

“Fuck, just be quiet.” She wrapped her legs around my waist and I grunted when she pulled me down on top of her. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“I’ve gotten impatient waiting for you too, get on with it.” I placed my hands flat on the bed and lifted my upper body up. “Are you going go fuck me now?”

“No,” She raised her eyebrows and I looked down between our bodies. “Was going to touch you first but you just don’t deserve it anymore. Well, maybe I’ll just keep going until you’re begging me to give you a break.”

“Please...” She said it so quietly that I almost didn’t hear it.

“Didn’t quite hear you, what’s you say?” She clicked her tongue and looked away from me so I moved my hips forward and bit my lip when I felt my cock against her pussy. “Tell me what you said, love.”

“I said...please...” She pleaded and moved my hips forward again and moaned softly in her ear. “Fuck me...”

“I need a condom.” I moved back from her a little bit and she grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

“No, no...I’m on the pill.” I sighed and bit my lip, is it worth the risk? “Please. Need you to fill me up, Harry.” Yup, worth it.

“Okay, okay. I can definitely do that for you.” I looked down and grabbed my cock, moving my hand a bit before positioning myself. “Are you ready for this?”

“So ready.” I pushed into her a little bit then let go of my cock, bringing my hand to her waist and looking back at her face to see her with her eyes shut and her mouth hung open but nothing was coming out of her mouth.

“Shit, you feel good...” I leaned my head down into her neck and sucked at her skin, starting to move my hips slowly. The room was starting to get darker because it was almost night now but the light that was shining onto her skin made her look so good, it felt surreal that she was letting me touch her when she looked this good.

“Harry, go faster.” I gave her neck one last kiss and lifted my head up and drew my hips back, I looked at her eyes that were brighter because of the light and noticed that she was looking back and forth between my eyes and my lips. I thrusted my hips forward suddenly and she let out a moan that I think she wasn’t even expecting to come from her. “Well, that was definitely harder.”

I leaned down and pressed my lips against hers before starting to move my hips again, moving them harder than I was before, I want her at my mercy. “You going to take it like a whore, baby?” What the fuck did I just say. “I mean-“

“Say what you want, it’s not going to scare me.”

I took a deep breath and spoke again. “Take it like a fucking whore.”

Taglist

@marlananicole @kiwi_isgolden @kiwiisgolden @repostcentral @stylessugarhigh @i-love-superhero @spirittp3 @chrrychemtrails @iamnotsocool @partr1dge @nearlyheadlesslouise @bxtchboy69

[that-sw-writer]

Omg plz write a part 2 of Hux’s sister

Ask and ye shall receive!

PART ONE

Word count: 2272

Warnings: none, but again just a bit of a crack fic

Sibling Rivalry II

"What's that?" Armitage asked, in a judgemental tone.

"What's what?" You innocently replied.

"That." He pointed towards your neck, where you knew there was an inconcealable hickey sitting just below your jawline.

"You know exactly what that is Armitage, or would you rather I announce to the entire bridge that Supreme Leader Ren-"

"No. That's quite enough." He hastily interrupted you, the bitterness evident in his tone.

It had been almost a year since you transferred to The Supremacy, and a lot had changed in that time. Namely, Supreme Leader Snoke had died in... mysterious circumstances, and Kylo Ren had taken his place - much to your brother's dismay. You were the only person who Ren had trusted with the truth: that he had been the one to kill his ex-master. But you weren't complaining, dating the Supreme Leader certainly had its perks.

He allowed you to take his place as Commander, a job which required a lot less admin than being a Lieutenant. Plus, admittedly, you did tend to get away with missing deadlines more than the average First Order officer.

Whilst things had only gotten better for you, they had gone the opposite way for your brother. He spent his days expressing his hatred of Kylo to you, hoping that it would perhaps spur you to break up with him. But he was well aware that so long as the two of you were together, his life and job weren't at risk.

"Speak of the devil," Armitage grumbled under his breath as Ren walked onto the bridge, every officer in the vicinity immediately standing to attention. All except you and your brother who merely watched him as he approached.

"Be nice." You hissed, your attention immediately turning to Kylo as he approached you both.

"I need to talk to you." He addressed you, immediately giving your brother a pointed look which read 'leave us alone.'

With a reluctant sigh, Armitage said: "very well, I'm spending this evening with Millicent anyway."

After you had watched him depart, your gaze trailed back to Kylo, who forced himself to tear his own eyes away from the mark he had left on your neck.

"Who's Millicent?" He suddenly asked.

"His cat." You slowly replied, wondering why he cared.

Kylo let out a sharp, deep, laugh, "he has a cat? I thought it was a woman."

This time you let out a cackle, "a woman? All the times he said he was going to play with Millicent what the fuck did you think he meant?" You kept your voice down, away from prying ears.

"I just imagine that's how he speaks about women." He shrugged, but at that very moment, an idea hit you.

"Millicent... a woman." You muttered as the cogs turned in your brain, "his wife." You laughed as the idea formed.

"What?" Kylo looked at you, utterly confused.

"Nothing, just thinking of new ways to make Armitage's life difficult." You smirked, "anyway, what did you need to talk to me about?"

"I'll be off base for a while, I shouldn't be gone longer than two rotations." He told you, very matter-of-factly.

You nodded, quite used to watching him come and go on various missions. You knew that you would be the one coordinating things from aboard The Supremacy. "Okay, just stay safe." You told him, knowing that he absolutely wouldn't heed that warning - he never did.

"I will." He replied, just to keep your mind at ease. Leaning in, he captured your lips in a brief kiss, being Supreme Leader meant that he had grown tired of caring who knew about your relationship. Nobody had any power to stop him.

In Kylo's absence, you would simply have to distract yourself by spreading some completely untrue rumours about your brother around the base.

><><><><><><><><><

"Y/N..." You could hear the snarl in Armitage's voice as he pulled you aside on your way to the bridge.

"What can I do for you, Armitage?" You gave him an innocent grin, knowing exactly what had him so worked up.

"Tell me why when I speak about Millicent, people seem to think I'm referring to my wife."  He snapped, and you stifled a laugh.

"I'm not sure, maybe you need to work on your communication skills. After all, constantly referring to her as Millicent rather than 'my cat' can be very misleading."

"The AS division are all calling me a 'toxic husband,' because I keep my wife locked up all day and night!" He exclaimed, the frustration evident in his tone at becoming a laughing stock. You cracked at that, a loud cackle escaping your lips. This gossip spreading truly couldn't have gone better.

"Amazing," you said as your laughter died down, "absolutely amazing."

Spreading that rumour had been easy, you had made a simple suggestion to Captain Phasma along the lines of 'isn't it so weird how General Hux always talks about this Millicent woman but nobody's ever seen her?' And from there, it had spread like wildfire.

With no contact from Kylo since he had left, investing yourself in spreading gossip at your brother's expense had been the perfect way to stop yourself from worrying. Besides, he was due back that very day, so the timing couldn't have been better.

After Armitage finished scolding you to no end, you both went to the bridge to receive an update from Kylo's team. Usually, he would contact you over the comms with the number of injured and deceased troopers so you could have the med-bay prepare accordingly. This mission had just been recon, so you weren't expecting any issues.

"Commander Hux, come in." A different voice spoke to you over the comms today, and you immediately wondered why it wasn't the Supreme Leader speaking to you.

"I'm here-" you responded, "go ahead." You didn't want to make a big fuss about Kylo not being the one to contact you, especially not with Armitage at your side - he would never let you hear the end of it.

"Despite complications, the mission was a success." The voice crackled over the comm.

"What complications?" Your heart involuntarily started racing as your mind thought of every worst-case scenario.

"They knew we were coming ma'am and we were met with heavy fire, but we managed to escape. Plenty of minor injuries, two will need medical attention, and one deceased." He formally spoke, but you were barely listening anymore. Kylo not having been in touch was worrying enough, but this was the icing on the cake. You simply turned to Armitage, and he could read your expression, so he took over.

"This is General Hux. We will prepare the med-bay." He curtly said, cutting the comm off before you could ask the question plaguing your mind.

"It won't be him." Your brother said, "as much as I wish it would be." He then grumbled, which was met by a hard elbow from you.

"But what if it is?" You stressed, "he usually contacts me, but this time I've heard nothing!"

"Just... sit down." He suggested, unsure of what else to say. Part of Armitage was praying that Ren was the one casualty on the mission, but he also didn't want his little sister to have her heart broken. Truly a catch-22 for him.

"No, I'm not 'sitting down,' Armitage!" You exclaimed, beginning to pace. "I'll tell you what, if he walks off that transport as if nothing has happened then I'm going to make him the second casualty of the mission for stressing me out like this."

"I think you're being a bit dramatic." He tried to console you.

"You're only saying that because you're praying that he's not coming back." You grumbled.

"That's a fair accusation." He admitted, "but as much as it pains me to say, I know Ren means a lot to you, even if I can't begin to fathom what you see in him." At this point he was practically speaking through gritted teeth - Maker out of everyone in the First Order his sister could have fallen for, it had to be his arch-nemesis.

"I'm going to go and tell the med-bay to prepare." You huffed before leaving the bridge. You needed to distract yourself from this pit of worry that was opening up in your stomach. Surely you were just overthinking things, but considering the circumstances, you couldn't help yourself. Part of you hated how much you cared about Kylo because you didn't like feeling this dependent on him.

Just to try and help lift your mood you were sure to perpetuate the rumour about your brother and Millicent on your way down to the med-bay. A group of troopers had been quietly discussing whether there was any truth behind it or not, and as the General's sister it was your solemn duty to confirm the rumour

"Yeah it's crazy, Millicent is my sister in law and I don't think I've seen her since the wedding." You whispered to them as you went by, trying your best not to break out into laughter on the spot. If anything was going to take your mind off worrying about Kylo, it was definitely going to be making Armitage's life just that bit more miserable.

Whilst you were on your way to tell the med-bay to prepare, Armitage was left on the bridge, which meant that when the ship returned from the mission he begrudgingly had to go to the hanger to greet them instead of you.

As the boarding ramp lowered he found himself genuinely wondering if Ren was going to be the singular casualty. He knew he was being ridiculous thinking it, but your panicking had clouded his judgement a bit.

To Armitage's dismay, but likely your relief, Kylo was the first person to leave the craft. He looked filthy, a few cuts littering his face and his robes dirtied from battle. The Supreme Leader was used to seeing you when he returned from a mission, and being greeted by your brother left him with a scowl on his face.

"What are you doing here?" He grumbled.

"Lovely to see you alive Supreme Leader." Armitage sneered in response, "although if you don't talk to my sister soon I doubt you'll be alive much longer."

"Spare me the empty threats General, we both know you couldn't kill me if you tried." He waved his hand in dismissal as he walked past Armitage.

"Perhaps. But this time it's not me you need to be worried about." He called after Kylo, who turned around with his brow furrowed.

"Y/N?" He knew that perhaps not contacting you for the entire duration of the mission wasn't his best idea, and now he was already regretting it.

"She's not happy." Your brother plainly responded as he walked back towards Ren.

"Has she got those brow lines she gets when she's angry?"

"She'll most definitely have them when she finds out you're alive." Armitage grimaced, "I'd tread carefully if I was you."

"Fuck." Kylo swore under his breath when he saw you approaching.

Now stood next to Ren, Armitage whispered up to him, "whatever you do, just don't make her any angrier for both of our sakes."

"You-" your finger was immediately pointing directly in Kylo's face as you stormed over, "you're going to be the death of me, you know that? I hear nothing from you, then suddenly there's a casualty on the mission! But here you are as if nothing happened."

"I'm sorry." He said. Openly apologising was such a rarity for Kylo that it made you stop dead in your tracks.

"Come again?" You couldn't quite believe your ears.

"I said I'm sorry. I should have contacted you." He was so calm that you found your rage dissipating. Any kind of apology from Kylo was a victory.

"Then I guess you're off the hook." Your expression now changing to a more teasing one.

"What?" Armitage exclaimed, "you can't let him off that easily!"

"Why not?" You raised an eyebrow at him, knowing that he was just hoping to keep you angry at Kylo for as long as possible.

"I don't know, you just can't!" He grumbled.

"Go and feed your wife Armitage, she's been alone all day." You said, purposely loudly so people would overhear you, and he immediately went red in the face.

"She's my cat!" He practically yelled the word but nevertheless went storming off. "One day you'll break up with him, mark my words!" He called as he departed, giving up on caring who was around to hear.

"At this rate Armitage, he's more likely to become your brother in law!" You knew there were absolutely no plans of marriage, but you couldn't miss the opportunity for humour.

Kylo snorted from beside you, "I doubt we'd do much family bonding."

"He'd probably try and kill you in your sleep." You laughed.

"'Try' being the key word." Kylo paused for a moment before he pulled you into his arms, but before he kissed you he paused, "his cat being his wife?"

"I got bored, spread a rumour, the usual." You shrugged, before leaning in to close the gap between your lips. You didn't care that he was dirtied from his mission, you were just relieved to have him back.

"And another thing-" Armitage interrupted you both as he stormed back over, no doubt with a witty insult to hurl at Ren. Your lips parted so you could both stare it him with deadpan expressions, whereas he just looked disgusted. "Why do you insist on these displays in public? I don't want to see it."

"All the more reason to do it." Kylo smirked and pulled you back in for a kiss.

[starkeristheendgame]

Hi! Are you still taking prompts? If yes, can you do a Starker one, where Tony is oblivious, and Peter doesn't know what to do, and ask for help to a close friend of Tony and they try to make him jealous by pretending to date and Tony is like of course he is with him he's everything i'm not and having a total breakdown and peter realize that they hurt tony instead and ask for forgivenes and end up together, pleasee? Thank you! If you aren't please just ignore this!

Against my better judgement, my prompts are never closed! Thank you so much for this super sweet/angsty prompt, Nonnie! I realised after finishing this that I never directly included Peter asking for forgiveness, but I hope this feeds you just the same! ❤

TW: Angst | Hurt/Comfort | Self-worth issues | Jealousy | Alcohol mention

SFW

Harley Keener is two years Peter’s senior and nicer than Peter could have ever imagined. When Tony had first started to talk about the ‘the first one he pseudo-adopted’ and how Harley had grown into more of a ‘mini me’ than he could’ve imagined, Peter had felt an uncomfortable twist in his gut. 

What if Harley was better than him?

What if Tony liked Harley more?

What if, with Harley around, Tony didn’t want Peter around anymore?

He needn’t have worried, though. Harley wasn’t as ‘outwardly’ nerdy as he was, but he was more than happy to gush over the latest Star Wars LEGO offerings, and Tony snarked them both in equal measure. It was surprisingly like having another Ned around, and it took less than a week for Peter to feel stupid for having worried about his place besides the two of them. 

Tony even joked that Harley was the ‘prototype’ and Peter was the ‘updated model’, to which Harley had just rolled his eyes, knocked Tony’s spanner off the table like a cat and gone straight back to talking to Peter about ComicCon.

They became fast friends, and Peter supposed that was somewhat why he tended to forget there was a second person in the lab with them here and there, starkly (heh) reminded of it when Harley flopped down next to him on the penthouse couch one evening and said; “so how long have you been in love with Tony?” 

He could have cried. The Avengers he was around almost every other day for the past two years brushed off his doting as a hero complex and ‘mentor crush’ and it had taken Harley Keener less than three weeks to call him out on its true nature. 

Naturally and mortifyingly it ended up with Peter sniffling against Harley’s shoulder, wailing about how Tony was out of his league, how every single possible thing that could was against them, and how worst of all; Tony wasn’t interested. 

“He’s interested,” Harley had shrugged, gingerly plucking a tissue from the box and holding it out to him. He’d been somewhat cryptic about the basis of his statement, but had enthusiastically proposed a manner of ways in which it could be proven. And Peter…

Peter agreed to one. 

He didn’t know why. He wasn’t exactly a glutton for punishment and he certainly didn’t get his kicks out of being humiliatingly, crushingly rejected, but...But Harley had said so make jealous. Tony always wants everything, and when he thinks he can’t have something he just tries harder to get it and Peter had inexplicably said yes. 

Unfortunately (or fortunately, Peter didn’t quite know which) the only real, viable option was...Harley himself. None of the other Avengers would work; since they were all taken, straight and/or highly unlikely to be receptive to fake-dating a teen half (or more) their age. 

Neither Ned or MJ had access to the Tower or could really be around any SHIELD, Stark or Avengers activity, and that left quite literally no-one else but Harley. 

“I mean, in a way, its perfect. I’m the grandmaster of the plan anyway, and you don’t have to wordy about hurting my feelings or me falling for you. We can collaborate flawlessly to get you some Grand-Daddy dick,” Harley hummed around the stick candy in his mouth, and Peter wasn’t quite sure what part of that sentence offended him the most. 

“Does literally nobody want me?” he pouted, bottom lip pushed out dramatically as he kicked Harley’s leg out of the way and picked up the PS5 controller. 

“Hey, chin up, munchkin. You’re prettier than half the girls I know. I’m just not wired that way.”

“You’re straight?”

“I’m not anything. It’s like asexuality and aromantic, but both,” Harley pulled a face, clearly trying to remember the term, then shrugged. “Ah, I can never remember it. Anyway, point is, I’m not interested in anyone. You’re a little cherub, for sure, but you’re cute like a cat, not suck-my-dick cute.”

And, well. Cute like a cat? He considered that a high compliment. 

Thus, Operation Get That Grand-Daddy Dick (Peter did not name it) was underway. They both agreed to keep it natural and subtle, since Tony walking in on them half-naked or all over each other was just likely to spook him off. They’d edge into it; hint that they were spending more time together, act a little cosier, maybe get caught holding hands after a week or two. 

In truth, it wasn’t all that different to how they had been before, except that Harley made his smiles even softer, a little more secretive and let his gaze linger when he was sure Tony would notice. They sat and stood closer together than before, and here and there Harley would press a lingering hand to his back or arm. 

They made sure when one or both left they secreted away just out of sight and took a little too long, standing close together by the elevator and making sure to hug ‘longingly’ (whatever that meant in context) should Tony happen to peek. 

And yet for all his smarts, Tony didn’t seem to particularly notice anything amiss until the first time that he spotted them ‘romantically hugging’. Harley was actually a very good hugger, and they stood in front of the elevator together, with Peter facing it and Harley facing the lab. Harley had his chin over Peter’s shoulder and his hands low and tight on his waist, holding him close. 

“Spotted,” Harley whispered quietly, and moments later Tony spoke up. 

“Well that looks cosy.”

Tony’s voice was carefully level, no betrayal of emotion as Peter shyly disentangled himself from Harley, taking a step away as though caught doing something he shouldn’t. He didn’t have to fake the heat in his cheeks when he glanced up at where Tony stood, arms folded, and he fumbled with the strap of his backpack, glancing across at Harley before he gave Tony a meek smile. 

“Um, I’ll-- I’ll see you Friday, Mr. Stark!” he chirped, shuffling around Harley and into the elevator. Tony was still staring at him as the doors began to close, and Harley turned, casting him a wink and a finger-waggling wave. Peter waved back sheepishly and the moment the doors were shut, he whipped out his phone. 

[To: Thing 1] Did he look mad? It looked like he looked mad. Omg. U gotta tell me anything he says :// [19:31]

Harley did in fact text him back two hours later, though there wasn’t much to report. Tony had made a few flippant remarks that could either be parental interest or slight jealousy, and had dropped the subject after a short while in order to focus on his latest project.

Peter slumped. There was snails who had a faster moving love life than he did. With a groan, he stuffed the last of his anxiety snacks in his mouth and flopped back against his pillow to discuss the next step with Harley. 

Social media was their next plan of attack. Tony followed Peter on Instagram and Twitter, and had his Snapchat even if the older man rarely used the platform, so they were going to up the pressure by hanging out outside of the lab (which they did anyway) and posting it to social media. 

It was too soon to cancel plans with Tony to hang out with Harley (and frankly, Peter didn’t want to anyway) so they simply both made themselves unavailable on certain other days, or hung out together without mentioning it to Tony beforehand. 

They got ice cream at the park, went to the art museum downtown, visited several different cultural/ethnic based stores and went to the arcade to kick ass at air hockey over the course of a few weeks, all while keeping up the poorly secretive touching and closeness at the lab. 

And he’d still have more luck getting blood from a stone.

Tony seemed...Either completely oblivious, or just completely unphased. Whilst Peter caught him watching them here and there with an unreadable expression, Tony never directly asked them or overtly commented on what was happening. There was the odd, “enjoy the park yesterday, kid?” or “saw your post the other day, you should try this place next,” but never anything along the lines of what Peter hoped for. 

Even Harley was starting to doubt his original statement that Tony was definitely interested. 

Especially when Tony was the one who started cancelling plans, telling them both to ‘go enjoy themselves’ and ‘live the lives of young people’. He didn’t do it all the time, but here and there they’d both receive a text telling them not to come today. The lingering looks got longer and more weighted, but even so, Tony made no move in either aspect. 

“I think I’m just gonna have to give it up,” Peter admitted to Harley one night over the phone, hanging upside down in his bedroom with the phone dangling on a web besides him. 

“Maybe he’s just not ready for anything right now?” Harley suggested on the other end, between the frantic sounds of tapping buttons. 

“Maybe-- Oh, hang on. I’ve got an inbound from JARVIS. It might be Avengers stuff,” Peter hummed, quickly twisting to tap on the screen to accept the incoming call from JARVIS. 

“Hey, J. What’s up?” He greeted the AI, blinking at the call screen. 

“Apologies for the disturbance, Mr. Parker, but protocol deems that when Mr. Stark is in distress I establish contact with someone on his emergency list in order to inform them.” The AI’s voice was as smooth and unhurried as ever, but Peter frowned at the screen. 

“Distress?”

“Yes, Mr. Parker. Sir’s heart-rate is elevated and he is displaying significant symptoms of sadness, including light drinking, darkened lighting and angered viewing of your social media.”

“Angered viewing of my social media?” Peter echoed, fear ratcheting up as he dropped from the ceiling and moved to tug on a pair of shoes. Fuck, had he let something sip? Was there something in the background of his photos? Had someone figured out who he was? He was hopping towards the door on one foot when JARVIS spoke again, and he had to hop back to pull his phone down from the web. 

“Why is he sad over that? Did I do something wrong?”

JARVIS was silent for a short while, as though the AI was debating on how best to respond. 

“I... Believe Sir may be feeling lonely. Or unworthy of company. There have been a multitude of such instances over the past several years,” JARVIS replied after a pause, as Peter locked the web shooters around his wrist and tugged the Spiderman mask over his head to avoid any cameras, crawling out of his window and leaping out into the brisk air. 

It didn’t take long to swing to the Tower, especially not when panic and concern had him pushing it, testing his muscles and leaving him slightly out of breath by the time he slipped onto the top landing console. 

JARVIS directed him through to the penthouse and up the set of 12 steps that lead to the ‘upper level’ of it, to an open doorway that revealed Tony Stark sprawled out on his bed, staring blankly at his phone with a neglected, half-open bottle of whiskey loose in one arm, like a newborn babe. 

“Mr. Stark?” he asked softly, and Tony’s gaze flit up to him, clearing immediately. His mentor cursed and jerked upright, almost sloshing the whole bottle over his bedding. 

“Shit! Kid! Wh’r you doin’ here?” Tony’s voice was just hinting on slurred, the same easiness and lack of concentration that came when you’d had a shot too many. Or five. Peter’s heart cinched as he stared at Tony gingerly putting the bottle on the bedside table, at the redness of his eyes and the messiness of his hair where he’d been running a hand through it, over and over. 

“JARVIS called me. He said you were sad,” Peter managed after a moment, hands wringing the mask between his fingers nervously. He’d never seen Tony like this, this...uncomposed. He looked haggard, tired and sad, and it made Peter feel empty and adrift, unsure of how to approach this new version of the man he loved. 

“Fucking snitch,” the older man grumbled half-heartedly, and rubbed his hands over his eyes. “Shit. Don’t-- Ignore me, kid. Adults my age are entitled to a night like this once in a while. Go back home, I’m fine. Fuck, you didn’t leave Harley for this, did you?”

“Harley?” Peter parroted, brows furrowing as Tony waved a hand. 

“Go on, kid. Get. Make the most of being young and pretty with someone young and pretty.” Tony reached for the bottle again and Peter found himself striding across the room, placing himself in the way of Tony’s outstretched hand and the whiskey. Tony’s fingertips brushed his stomach and recoiled like he’d been burnt by the contact.

“Mr. Stark, do you think I don’t want to hang out with you anymore?” he asked after a moment, voice fragile. God, he’d hoped to maybe make Tony a little jealous, but nothing like this. He hadn’t wanted to hurt him. And he clearly had. There was nothing but rawness in Tony’s eyes when the older man looked up at him. 

“I’m not taking it personally,” his mentor attempted to joke, but it came out bitter and too flat to land lightly. Peter’s heart cinched in his chest and he shuffled to sit on the edge of the large bed, teeth on his lower lip as Tony turned away from his gaze. 

“Mr. Stark, I’ve never...I’ve never not wanted to hang out with you. Even if I have other friends, too,” he pointed out tentatively, and Tony scoffed lightly. 

“You’re too good for a world like this, shortstack. For someone like me. You should be trailing after someone like Captain Uptight,” Tony muttered lowly, and Peter scowled.

“You’re not less better than he is. Both of you are good people. Both of you make mistakes. Both of you save the world.”

Tony’s brows pinched, and he breathed out something that just barely sounded like then why aren’t I good enough?

Making an executive decision, Peter toed off his sneakers and crawled further up onto the bed, picking up Tony’s arm and settling down against his side, curling up under his arm and wrapping his own around Tony’s waist. 

He could feel Tony’s heart thumping wildly in his chest, could feel his breath hitch and the hesitant way that Tony let his arm settle over Peter, fingers curling in his hoodie. 

“You are,” he offered simply, squeezing gently. “This is my fault. I was acting like a dumb kid, and I thought... I should’ve known that it was just gonna end badly.”

“Is being my mini-me really that bad?” Tony choked out, and Peter pushed himself upright, alarmed. 

“What? No! Mr. Stark, being around you is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I don’t ever ever regret being around you! I just... I have to…” He trailed off for a moment, frustrated, then prayed to Harley for forgiveness and sucked in a deep breath. 

“I’m not actually dating Harley. At all. He doesn’t like people that way. Any people. We’re not boyfriends and I don’t want to stop spending time with you to spend time with him. I like spending time with you and you’re still my hero. Tony Stark or Iron Man,” he stated firmly. 

Tony looked at him for a moment, then looked away. 

“You should be with Harley, kid. Or someone like him. Not someone like me. Not someone with my history. I’m a shit person, kid. All this Iron Man stuff hasn’t even wiped half my scoreboard clean. Someone like Harley... He’s the better parts of me. Like you. He’s worth your love”.

Tony seemed almost startled at saying that word, twitching a little before he attempted to turn away from Peter again, gaze finding the far end of the room like he wished he was anywhere but here. 

Peter fidgeted, then sucked in a deep breath. “Please don’t hate me after this,” he fumbled out quickly, then rolled half on top of the older man, hands fisting in the front of his shirt as he leaned forwards. 

The kiss was awkward and clumsy and couldn’t have lasted for than two seconds before Tony pulled away, eyes wide and voice rough. 

“Kid, what-- You can’t--”

“If you say you’re not interested, I’ll respect that,” Peter interrupted. “Or if you say I’m too young or whatever. But if you say anything along the lines you of not being enough, or not being worthy, or-- or-- Or whatever it is you feel you aren’t... You’re wrong. The reason me and Harley were acting like that is because I was trying to make you jealous.”

“What-”

“And I know its dumb! I don’t it was childish and I never thought it would hurt you like this. But I’ve lo-- I’ve really liked you. For years. And I know you’re a lot older and we might never be able to be...To be...Normal. I guess. But I want whatever I can get with you, because you’re worth it,” Peter barrelled on, desperate to at least be heard before Tony kicked him out. Except when he trailed off Tony was just... Staring at him.

“It’s just... Hero worship. You still think I’m some magical superhero and you--”

“No offence, Mr. Stark, but you don’t know what I think. Not when it comes to you, clearly,” Peter cut in, cheeks heating at being so brash. Prior to this he wouldn’t have ever dreamed about being so direct and forceful against Tony. 

Well. Not in any PG-rated sense, anyway. 

“Just... We don’t have to talk about it now, okay?” eh offered, sliding off Tony just a little so he was back up against his side, wriggling around until he could grab the faux fur throw on the bottom of the bed, pulling it up over both of them. Tony remained quiet at his side, just watching as he got them both settled. 

“Just... I’m gonna stay, alright? Right here. With you. Because this is where I want to be, and its where I’m gonna stay until... Until you tell me to leave.” His lower lip threatened to wobble with mounting emotion as he lay his head on Tony’s chest, feeling the thick ridges of his scars beneath his shirt. 

A moment later, Tony’s hand settled lightly over his head, fingers sliding tentatively into his hair. 

“And if I never tell you to leave? If I’m selfish and never want to let you go?” the other man whispered. 

“Then I guess that makes us both selfish, because that would make me happy,” Peter mumbled into his chest, wrapping his arm tighter around Tony’s waist. The room went silent for a while, save for their breathing and Tony’s heart thumping beneath his ear. 

“Okay,” Tony rasped after a moment, and Peter smiled. 

“Okay, Hazel Grace.”

“...What?”

“Nevermind. You’re too old for that reference.”

“You’re a little shit.”

[emy-loves-you]

Sanders Sides AU-gust Day 12: Crime

Roman is the son of wealthy mafia boss Romulus Prince. He's currently living across the country to pursue art. Roman hasn't told his boyfriend Janus about his family. After almost getting shot in his own apartment, the two learn that they've both kept some serious secrets from each other.

Roman POV, Roceit with Creativitwins

Day 11 | Masterlist | Day 13

“Hey, Janus. What time are you getting off today?”

“I should be home within the next twenty or so minutes. I hope our date is still on the table.”

“Yep, luckily they didn’t send me any work to take home. I’ve got some wine in the fridge and we could order some Thai later?”

“That sounds lovely. I’ll see you soon, dearest.”

“See you then.” Roman sighed as he pocketed his phone. Tonight was the night he’d tell Janus.

Tell Janus what, exactly? Well, that his name isn’t actually Roman Royale. Roman was actually Roman Prince, son of Romulus Prince. While that wouldn’t mean much to a New York civilian like Janus, it meant a lot to others. Mainly because Romulus Prince is a very powerful mafia boss. Roman had grown up with his father and twin brother in California. Once it became clear that Remus (Roman’s brother) would be the one inheriting the family business, Roman had expressed his desire to have a career in art. Romulus had relented after years of persuasion. So here Roman was, thousands of miles away from home, studying art at a local college with Janus, his boyfriend of four years. Roman trusted Janus with his life by this point, and he felt like it was only right to tell him of his heritage.

But Roman was nervous. This wasn’t something you could just casually bring up in a conversation. Would Janus break up with him? Or call the police on him? The options were endless. The last thing Roman wanted to do was lose Janus.

Maybe I could just never tell him. I technically never have to rejoin the family business. We could just live out our lives in peaceful ignorance forever. Roman thought as he unlocked the door to his and Janus’ shared apartment.

Only to feel a gun pressed against the back of his head.

“Drop the bag and get in the house. Now!” Roman felt numb as he followed the order, vaguely realizing that he’d also dropped his phone along with this satchel. His movements felt robotic as he made his way into the house, hearing the man shut the door behind them. The man pressed them into the living room, with Roman’s back still facing him. “Now, where is it?”

“Where’s what?” Roman ignored how flat his tone was. This wasn’t the first time he’d been held at gunpoint, but it was the first time that he didn’t have a definitive chance at escaping.

The man grunted. “The eye! Where. Is. The. Eye?”

Roman was confused. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” There’s nothing in this apartment that even vaguely resembles an eye, and Janus had never mentioned an eye before. What the hell was this guy talking about?

Roman felt the pressure of the gun on the back of his head disappear, but he knew it was still pointed at him. “You Princes think you’re real funny, don’tcha?” Roman tensed at the name, and the man laughed. “What, did you think this was some kind of petty robbery? I know who you are, Roman Prince. And I know you have the eye’s location. So. Where. Is. The. Eye?”

BAM!

Roman heard the man drop to the ground. He slowly turned around to see Janus standing there, pistol in hand. His face was slightly pinched, but his focus wasn’t on the body. It was on Roman. “What the hell?”

Roman tried to console Janus. “I know this looks bad, but I swear I was gonna explain eventually. I don’t even know how they found me.” Roman rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “I didn’t want you to find out like this…”

Janus continued to stare at him for a moment before speaking. “You’re Roman Prince?” He sounded like he just guzzled a gallon of the sourest drink to ever exist.

Roman sighed. “Yeah…” Then his head snapped up. “Wait, you know who Roman Prince is?!”

Janus sighed, holstering his weapon. “You’re not the only one that’s been keeping secrets.” He gave the body a once-over before walking towards his bedroom. “Pack your essentials, we need to leave immediately.”

------------------------------------------------------

Fifteen minutes later, the two of them were sitting in the back of someone else’s car. Janus had apparently called in for someone to give them a lift. Roman sighed. “Okay, so you’ve heard my secret, now it’s time to hear yours. How do you know about the Princes?”

Janus stared down at his gloves, refusing to meet Roman’s gaze but still keeping him in his peripheral. “I’m sure you’ve heard of The Sides?”

Roman nodded. The Sides were an infamous gang around here. They were small, having four known members that weren’t common lackeys, but powerful. It was rumored that the current governor was only elected because the other candidate disagreed with Deceit, the gang’s leader. The Princes didn’t have a lot of information on The Sides (they were on opposite ends of the country) but they had a neutral alliance from Romulus’ brief visits to New York.

Janus sighed. “Then the name Deceit should ring a few bells.”

Roman stared in shock. “Seriously?!” Janus nodded, and Roman laughed. “So the leader of The Sides and the heir of The Princes have been dating for four years and neither of us had any idea.”

Janus smiled. “It would seem that way.” There was a brief moment of silence. “I assume you understand why I kept this a secret.”

Roman nodded. “Yeah, and you know why I did too.” It was too dangerous to bring civilians into their lives. They both had enough targets on their backs already. “So, what happens now? Are we still…”

“Dating?” Roman nodded. “I hope so. I was intending on telling you at a later date. Now that I know that you have experience with this,” he gestured around vaguely. “Potentially continuing our relationship will be much easier.”

Roman leaned over and pressed his lips to Janus’. The kiss was short and sweet, but it still gave him butterflies the same way it did every time. When they pulled apart, Roman sighed. “Thank God. I thought you would wanna break up with me.”

Janus tilted his head. “Why?”

Roman snorted. “Because I’ve haven’t been associated with my family for over five years, and yet someone still found me. Speaking of which, I need to make some calls.” He turned to his phone, frowning at the new crack from where he’d dropped it. He dialed a number that he hadn’t used in years, yet still knew from memory.

“Welcome to Tea’s Tease, the best place for gossip and blow jobs! How may I-”

“Cut it out, Remington.” The person’s tone shifted immediately, going from high pitched and customer-service-y to terrified.

“Sorry, Remus! Thought it was a spam caller-”

“Wrong twin, dumbass.” Roman growled out, already starting to lose his patience.

“Roman? OMG, it’s been, like, forever! What’s going on, babes? Get any smokin’ hot man meat?”

“We’ll talk later, Remy. I need to talk to Dad right now.” The line went silent. “Hello?”

“Oh, sweet baby. You don’t know, do you?”

Roman sighed. “I obviously don’t, now what’s going on?”

“Ro… Boss died two weeks ago. He was found shot in his own office” Roman barely stopped himself from gasping. They all knew how serious this line of work was, but Romulus had always seemed… invincible. Roman ignored the sadness welling up in his chest. He’d mourn later.

“Okay, where’s Remus then?” Remus should be the new boss now. It would be a pain trying to get information out of him, but Roman could make it work.

“He’s been off the grid for over a month.” That shouldn’t have surprised Roman. Remus was always slipping off the grid for weeks at a time. Only Romulus knew where Remus would run off to. But that, combined with Romulus’ death? That wasn’t good. Roman had thought it was Remus that killed Romulus, but now it couldn’t be. Even if Romulus had done something to anger Remus, it would take a lot to warrant death. And Remus would have done something much messier than a bullet. And why hadn’t Remus come back to run the family? He’d been ecstatic to learn that he was being chosen over Roman. So why continue hiding? Unless…

“Remy, who’s the boss right now?”

“I’ll give you two hints: his name starts with a J and you hate his guts.” Jacob Smith. The bastard probably killed Romulus.

“Remy, why didn’t anyone contact me? My address was in the vault.” Romulus had a small vault in his office that held Roman’s address along with several other important members.

“The vault was empty when we checked it.” So either Romulus destroyed the information, or Jacob took it to prevent anyone from contacting him. That’s how they found me.

“Remy, Jacob can’t know that you talked to me.”

Remy snorted. “Of course. You know everyone here hates Jacob’s guts.”

“Okay, one last question before I hang up. Has anyone been talking about an ‘eye’ of some sort?”

“Hmm… Nope, not that I can think of. But I’ll check the rumor mill later.”

“Okay. If you hear anything about an eye or Remus’ location, call me immediately. I’ll check in later.”

“Alrighty, Ro! I’ll get you to spill your tea later. Bye!”

Roman sighed, dropping the phone in the seat next to him. He started talking to himself. “Let me get this straight-”

Janus snorted. Roman had forgotten he was there “Good luck with that.”

Roman continued. “My Dad’s dead. Remus is missing. Knowing them, along with what that guy back at the apartment was saying, Dad probably knew about the ‘eye,’ whatever it is. He probably told Remus about it too, which is why he hasn’t come out of hiding. Jacob Smith is now head of the family, people are after me, and my boyfriend’s Deceit.” He sighed. “So all I have to do is figure out what this ‘eye’ is, find Remus, avenge my father’s death, and kill Jacob. Sounds simple enough.” He looked over to Janus hopefully. “You’ll help a boyfriend out, won’t you?”

Janus thought for a moment before sighing. “You’re so lucky I love you.” He smiled as Janus continued. “New York has gotten pretty boring lately. I might even bring the other Sides with me for assistance. We can make a vacation out of it.”

[thevodkadidthis]

Bed Bugs.

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Actress!Reader

Warnings: NONE! Pure fluff, also implied sex (sorry, I can’t really write mature stuff so I’m just gonna leave it like that) note: the ones in Italic are flashback scenes, so it won’t confuse you as you read.

Word count: 3.1K

Summary: In which the director was given a green light at making a second film on Marvel, the casts were all excited and reader thinks this is where her career will surely grow! But then the huge tease with the name of Sebastian Stan kept getting on her way.

A/N: I know, I kind of ghosted this account for a while BUT I’M BACK?? And omg I miss writing for Seb and our Marvel bois so okay here goes nothing. ALSO, requests are open!! Hit me up with a prompt or something.

2 weeks before, you had a call with the director from Marvel and that he sound so excited over the phone call, delivering the news to you that a second part of the film is very much confirmed and that the shooting will start very soon. You felt excited as well, thinking you formed quite an easy and great friendship with the other casts and texts and FaceTime isn’t really enough, but you are all grown adults who are busy with other projects so both parties really understand the lack of communication.

Now, you’re getting your hair fixed as Anthony Mackie dances around the room and was quickly joined in by Chris Evans, showing you a bit of his skills in tap dancing. You couldn’t help but to laugh and shake your head, these people are older than you and yet you feel like you were babysitting them at some point.

“How do you have so much energy in the morning, Anthony?” a deep voice was suddenly heard from your back. You couldn’t exactly turn your head to check who it was so you simply stared at the reflection of the man in the mirror in front of you. It was Sebastian, of course, you didn’t really have to check, you knew what his voice sounds like wherever you hear it.

“I don’t know, man. I just feel like today is a great day. Don’t you feel it, Y/N? The sun’s shining bright and all.” Anthony replied and took a sip from his coffee cup.

You rolled your eyes, “I don’t know about you, Anthony, the sun shines brightly everyday.” You shot back and Evans uttered a quiet touche before sitting down.

Sebastian chuckled as well, and you couldn’t help but to check for his reaction on the vanity mirror. Unfortunately, he was also checking on your face on the mirror, which made you lock gazes with him for a short while. Cheeks flushed and palm sweating, you looked away.

The whole cast decided to celebrate the success of the first film by having a drink on the nearby bar, you came with them, of course and had fun despite of not drinking much because you knew to yourself that you can’t handle alcohol well. So you sat on the booth pretty much the whole night and only had two glasses of beer, it didn’t bother you though, the little chats and Anthony’s loud laugh was enough.

The time quickly passed and it was the moment that everyone should go home and take a rest. You bid them goodbye, and didn’t forget to thank them for making the night wonderful and that you had a good time with them, even making promises to keep in touch. You didn’t need a cab home since you live nearby and a short walk wouldn’t really hurt.

When you got in your place, you sighed quietly as you place your keys on the table next from the door and headed straight to the refrigerator because you felt dehydrated. Feeling hot and tensed, you decided to take a quick bath to get rid of the smell of alcohol on your body. After that, you slipped into a pair of pajamas and a loose t-shirt. For some reason, you didn’t feel sleepy, so you walked out of the room and went straight to the living room, hoping to watch some T.V. shows but you heard a loud noise right outside your door.

You dismissed it, thinking it was meant to be for your neighbor and maybe they just accidentally hit your door. But it made a loud thud again, you didn’t know if it was a faint knock or someone fell right on your doorstep. Panic surged in, thinking maybe it was a thief that has been trying to pick on your lock, you quickly grabbed a knife from the kitchen and checked on your door. You opened it for an inch, peeking on the other side of the wood to check if it was actually a burglar.

But to your surprise, it was the same man that was eyeing you all night from the bar.

Sebastian.

He looked… frustrated? Maybe it was the drink he had, or the tiredness, but he definitely looked pissed. He was about to smash his head on the door when he noticed your eyes on the side of the door.

“Jesus Christ, Y/N. I knocked on wrong doors, four times, since I didn’t really know where exactly you live.” He sighed and your mouth fell open, but you quickly recovered and opened the door wider to welcome him in.

“What are you even doing here? How did you even know where my building is-“

“I followed you, then I got lost for some reason, then I started knocking everywhere. I’m telling you, everywhere.“ he confessed, as you lead him to where the couch was and invited him to sit down with you.

“You know that’s kind of creepy, right? You should have called in first or sent a text, whatever.” You told him, checking his face and he definitely looked tired and tipsy.

He laughed to himself, “Yeah, I know right? Weird.” He brushed his right hand on his face.

“Do you want water or something?” you offered and he only nodded. When you came back in the living room, a glass of water in hand, he was already asleep on your couch. Mouth hanging open. You chuckled at his appearance before fixing his position into a much comfortable state. Then you picked out extra blankets and put it on top of him.

It all happened multiple times after the first encounter. Until one day, you ended up being naked, on your own bed, and on your side is a sleeping Sebastian Stan, unbothered with all his glory.

How can a man look so good while being asleep?

You didn’t talk about what happened, yet it did happen again, multiple times over. You were just scared to drop the bomb or to talk about the elephant in the room because you didn’t want him to disappear from your life. You overthink already that maybe sex was all he wanted and not the commitment so you kept your mouth shut.

The set director called out the cast that were supposed to shoot for the day, your hair and make-up is all done but you still asked for an extra minute to compose yourself. Everyone in the dressing room made their exit already, all except Sebastian.

“Hey.” He called out and you turned to him and stared, there was something about his eyes that you couldn’t lay a finger on, it was a kind of look you haven’t seen before.

“Hey to you too.” You replied, as casual as possible.

“You didn’t answer my texts.” He stared down, whether he started looking at the floor or his shoes, you didn’t know but he looked shy and maybe embarrassed?

“Oh,” you quickly thought of an excuse, you did got his texts, you just didn’t want to reply to them because it will be such a hard slap that you fell for him and he didn’t really feel the same way, “Yeah, I kind of changed my number for a while, but the old one is still with me, I just don’t use it anymore.. I uh, I’ll check it out when I get home.” You smiled sweetly to him and finally turned back to where the mirror is, to once again attempt to fix your appearance.

He sighed quietly and left the room. You finally exited the room and proceeded to where the other actors are.

The day ended quickly. A minute ago, you were finalizing the shots with the director and then he announced that it’s a wrap and that you’re all done for today. You wanted to go home and get a lot of sleep however, Anthony and Chris has other plans.

“I really can’t. I’m supposed to clean my place tonight.” You lied when Anthony invited you to come and have a drink with them.

“Come on, who cleans their room at night? That’s weird, you clean on either weekends or morning!” Evans butted in and convinced you even more to come with them, but you feel exhausted, and the fact that Sebastian’s also coming is no help at all.

You just gave them a smile before shaking your head, “Sorry guys, maybe next time? My treat.” You replied to them instead.

“You better!” Anthony said and then you bid your goodbye to them as they walk away.

After a bag of popcorn, cans of soda and about 8 episodes of a Netflix series, you turned the TV off and sighed to yourself.

Cleaning your place, huh? Nothing happened.

You stared at your phone and clicked on the messages that Sebastian sent, all of it were unopened, but now you finally took the time to read all of it.

Hey

Hello

Y/N?

Is everything okay?

I don’t know what happened but you stopped talking

Hey

“Idiot.” You can’t help but to whisper on your phone, as you were about to make a reply, you heard a knock on your door. Hesitating, your first thought is again, thinking it was a burglar but you knew better, only one person has the audacity to knock on your door at this hour.

You opened the door and it revealed a flustered Sebastian, with his hair disheveled and his arm is leaning on the door frame.

“You know what, I’m kind of hoping for a burglar.” You blurted out, like a whisper to yourself.

“What?”

“What?” you copied him. He looks drunk, so there was no point to say something meaningful and stuff because he will definitely forget about all of this tomorrow.

“Alright,” he brushed his hair back and swallowed, “okay before you say something, or kick me out—wait, I’m still outside, can I come in?” he looked genuinely surprised when he figured out that he’s still outside of your place, you tried not to laugh at his reaction.

“Yeah, of course.” You took a step aside and allowed him to enter, he sat on the couch and noticed the bag of chips, sodas and tissue on the center table.

He looked at you with a puzzled look, “This is how you clean? I mean, okay, cool, no judgments.” He pursed his lips and nodded at the surroundings, “You did a good job, this room is spotless.”

“Alright, what do you want now? If you want a place to crash just lay there and sleep, I’ll bring a blanket.” You offered, arms crossed on your chess. It felt like you were lecturing him on something.

“Wait, no.” he sighed again, as if he’s mentally preparing himself on something, it made you think as well, and you wanted to know what was running in his mind. “Before you say something, just.. hear me out. Give me a couple of minutes to explain and just let this out, 5 minutes would be fine.” He blurted out and tried to fix his composure while sitting down.

The look of seriousness that washed and took over his face made you sit down on the chair beside the couch as well. You weren’t prepared for this, in fact, you never really thought that this moment will come along. So many thoughts are taking over your mind: will it be over now? Is he finally telling you to cut ties? Is he seeing anyone?

He opened his mouth and your breath hitched, “I.. know I made a mistake for not clearing out the things that happened after, you know, THAT moment.” He emphasized, “I don’t know what came over me and what I was thinking, I literally feel like a fucking idiot for not explaining this to you earlier.” He exhaled shakily, “But fuck it, I’m doing it now. You see, a lot happened recently, you know, with the success of the movie, with the other projects we’re taking on, all that.”

You were about to speak but then he held his hand up to stop you, and then you closed your lips, “I really like you, Y/N. For real, I don’t know why it took a while for me to fucking say it. I always come here, to you, to tell you how my days went, because I enjoy being with you, so much. I enjoy your company, your sarcasm, your witty remarks and all that. I would really like to experience it again and longer this time, instead of just the sex.”

By this point, your mouth suddenly felt dry and every swallow felt like sand paper on your throat. Your eyes started to well up and then you ended up chuckling at his confession, “Wow.. you really are a fucking idiot.” You replied to him before making your way closer to him and landed on his lap, straddling him. “You don’t know how much you cleared my mind.”

“Wait, what?”

“I like you too, dumbass. So much.” No words are left to be said because before he could even ask further or to clarify what you said, your lips already crashed on his. The kiss was passionate, calm and slow unlike the ones you shared before, the hungry, rough and needy—not that you’re complaining, you’re fine with either way.

After doing the deed, you snuggled on his side and breathed his scent. Despite of the reek of the alcohol, his distinct smell was still there and you admit to yourself how much you missed this. How much you missed him.

“Hey.”

Your moment of peace was momentarily disrupted by him, “Hmm?” you answered him, feeling a wave of exhaust on your body.

“The things that I’ve said are all true, it’s not the alcohol. In case you’re wondering about it. I will remember this when I wake up.” He uttered.

You couldn’t see his face but you feel like his eyes are closed as his hands slowly caressed your hair and planted a soft kiss on your head.

“I know.”

You were supposed to attend on the set with Sebastian, but he needed to drop by on his place to shower because as much as he wanted to come with you, he doesn’t have clothes on your apartment. But he did promise you a lunch date later that day so you had something to look forward to during the day.

You were straightening your top when Anthony, of course with Chris, approached you. “Wow, Y/N. You look like you’re in a good mood today! It’s just, it’s radiating off of you, I wonder why.” You blushed at Anthony’s remark and wondered if he knows something. Maybe Sebastian told him something last night, when they were out for a drink.

“I’m always in a good mood, Anthony. What are you saying?” you replied to him and he only ended up giggling. Evans pointed out that you look pretty much the same to him, but Anthony still thinks there is something different about you.

“Seabass may or may have not spilled some news last night.” Anthony whispered to you and you ended up blushing even harder, “I almost knocked him out right there but instead, I urge him to come at your flat.” He winked and you smiled at him, without Anthony, you’re probably walking around glass flooring and eggshells right now, being careful around Sebastian.

“Speak of the devil.” Mackie announced, seeing Sebastian walking over and heading towards your way.

“You know what, Evans?” Anthony started again, facing Chris this time, “There must be some kind of rash going around people, do you think it’s perhaps, a communicable disease?” he said, Evans looked dumbfounded and genuinely clueless with what Anthony is saying.

“Rash? What rash?” Chris asked, you and Sebastian looked at Anthony, listening to what he is about to say because the rash topic came out of the blue. Sebastian stood quietly beside you and you feel his fingers brushing on your arm.

“See that bruise-looking rash on Sebastian’s neck?” Anthony tried to be as quiet as possible, even leaning towards Evans’ right ear but his words are heard from a distance. “It’s so weird because I have seen the same bruise on Y/N’s neck! But the ones on Y/N are much darker than Sebastian’s. Are you guys alright? Maybe, sick or something?” Anthony’s sarcastic remark and endless teasing has led you and Sebastian to cover your necks, at the same time, bearing the same crimson red cheeks as you try to laugh to hide the embarrassment.

“Mackie, one day I’ll kill you and no one will know.” Sebastian replied to him but Anthony ended up laughing louder, even holding his belly. Evans’ eyes are still squinted, trying to see the bruises on your neck and on Sebastian, when he finally landed on a conclusion.

His mouth made a perfect round shape, shocked at his own realization, “Oh, my god. You guys are…?” his trailed went off, but Sebastian ended up nodding on him.

“I fucking knew it. I knew there was something else behind those lingering gazes you both give to each other.. like, alright, the tension is there but damn.” Chris ended up shaking his head on the two of you.

Sebastian didn’t mind the teasing and Anthony’s additional comments as he planted a kiss on your forehead, tucking you in his arms.

“To answer the question, Anthony, no, we’re not sick. Just a bad case of bed bugs.” Sebastian told Anthony, even glancing on where you are standing, “A very cute bed bug though. The bites are painful but I kind of like it. Who knows? I might get another BAD case of bites tomorrow.” He teases you as well and you covered your face with your hand to hide the embarrassment and blush on your face.

“Thank God for make-up right? You can cover that up.” You told him as you walk towards where the set is.

Sebastian gave you a look and snickered at your comment, “Excuse me? Who told you that I plan to cover it up?”

[szopenhauer]

What one event, big or small, are you going to tell your grandchildren about? I won’t even have kids...

What is your least favourite thing about your full name? it’s long, it’s polish, it’s feminine, it starts on a letter Z that is rarely used, people don’t know how to write my surname down, it reminds people of a stupid song that I hate etc. 

Do you like sunglasses? it’s complicated Do you think dreams can give us insight to things? sorta, sometimes Besides your computer, what else is cluttering your desk? what isn’t...

What is your favourite glass to drink from? prefer a mug When did your family immigrate to wherever you live now? they were born in Poland where we still live What time is it in the country you get the most of your heratige from? 14.42 Would you rather live in the 1960’s or the 1910’s? 60s  Is the computer your only current light source? window/sun too Do you think you look good with a hat on? I’m ugly no matter what so...

Do you have anyone you fully trust? not fully, not even myself, some I just trust more than others  When did you last talk on the phone with someone? yesterday with M.

Have you ever deleted Facebook friends for a significant other? kinda When did you last receive a hug and who was it from? mom, this day Was the last movie you watched a horror film? noooo Do you own a lot of tee shirts? shitload Do you handle pain well? been told  Have you ever been so nervous you threw up? I never threw up out of stress, I can feel nauseous though Do you enjoy your hairstyle? not really atm but it’s not the worst How much make up do you wear on a daily basis? none, ever Do you have a leather jacket? fake

What is the worst insult someone can call you? I’ve already heard everything I suppose... Do you write on your hands a lot? not anymore Do you think hugs are awkward? often Ever play Angry Birds? flappy bird only How late did you stay up last night? till mornin’ Has anyone ever been weirdly obsessed with you? mhm Are you afraid someone might steal your identity someday? they would have to be really stupid to choose mine tbh Is there a place you’d rather live right now? on my own... Do you go out often? lately Is there anyone who is overly nice to you? my current partner, I don’t deserve her If you’re reading a book, what page are you currently on? I’m not reading anything Do you have a job you like? I don’t have a job How many scarves do you own, if any at all? uh oh :x

What is one way in which this year is different from last year? where should I start... Do you feel like you have too much on your plate and your life is too hard? for me it is too hard Did you do anything you regret within the last 24 hours? probably What is your favorite day to go grocery shopping? I don’t have a favorite day to go but I don’t shop on Sundays and Mondays, Fridays and Saturdays are usually the hardest to get anything  Would you follow God even if it meant losing your home, your source of food, all of your friends, or even your life? jeśli byłabym 100% pewna, że Bóg tego chce i co mam robić Who’s death has affected you the most? my brother’s Have you ever grown sunflowers? they didn’t turn out well Are you scared to stand up to a police officer? no idea What is your doctor’s first name? which one?

Do you hate political posts on facebook? when there’s plenty, especially wrong  How many pictures do you have stored on your computer? omg  Which type of camera do you prefer: digital or Polaroid? hard to tell Have you ever had a camera that took film? we had when I was still a kid Do you ever squirt whip cream onto a plate and then eat it by itself? disgusting Have you ever had a hot flash? common Are you ok? my heart hurts badly Would you rather wear purple glasses or black glasses? black If you’re a girl, do you ever shop in the boys or mens section? absolutely If you’re a guy, do you ever shop in the girls or womens section? I’m a woman What do you think of when you hear the word “Christian”? religious person lmfao How many pullover hoodies do you own? bunch Which do you take more: videos or photos? pics What is the most embarrassing thing you can think of happening? my imagination is vivid What are two names you used to get mixed up when you were younger? for example - Ada and Adrianna What do u think of the quote “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing” I disagree Do you wear earmuffs when it’s cold out? I don’t own any

If you type for awhile, do your fingers start to hurt? on my phone, not computer What do you smell right now? luckily nothing much If you were an instrument, what would you be? smth annoying? Do you hate the usual 100 questions surveys? EX: Eye color boring Does your house have a doorbell? of course Do you know someone who has dropped out of high school? my classmate  If you were to get a pet turtle right now, what would you name it? mine was called Bob and I don’t want a new one  What’s your most hated commercial to watch? most of them are shit What was the last thing you charged? cellphone When you were younger, did you believe you could fly? if I did I would be dead by now (jumping out of window or smth) Favorite farm animal? chicken What’s your favorite name that begins with B? I don’t like polish names starting on B letter If someone payed you $500 would you take a bath in milk? why not Do you enjoy having time to yourself? :3 Can you do a cart wheel? still but crappy Do you like Ed Sheeran? blergh Would you rather become an author or teacher? author How many people are you currently texting? just 1 This time tomorrow, what will you be doing? hopefully spend time with @jonasz-cat Would you rather get money or gift cards for your birthday? money Have you ever been inside a recording studio? I have not Would you rather visit Mars or Neptune? Neptune Does it bother you when people keep talking to you and you want to leave? very Have you ever texted a landline phone by accident? my sister did Do you like quotes about love or life better? love is part of life What color is your garage? not applicable Do you like it when people give you compliments? they’re lying Was your hair straight today? my hair is wavy Do you ever share things on Facebook? quizzes from buzzfeed, music link from yt and selfies Do you pick out your outfits for the next day the night before or the AM? am What color was your swim suit this year? bluish Do ladders scare you? I’m cautious

1 through 10, how would you rate your day? low Any specific reason why? how I feel physically and those mirror demons mostly + some minor things

Salt or pepper? salt If you look to your right & then look down.. What do you see? bag Did you use swear words today? sigh... What did you buy today? food

If you had the choice to meet three famous people, who would you choose? dead or alive? Do you own any animals that aren’t domestic? dog is domestic ;)

Do you think people under fourteen should have sex? hell no How old were you when you had your first alcoholic beverage? 20+ What is something most people think of as lame, but you don’t? my interests? Have you ever feared that you would lose a body part? just my teeth, fingers or eyes Do you like gore? no thx Would you rather receive a kiss on the cheek, or on the forehead? neck :P Have you ever had a friend’s boyfriend/girlfriend flirt with you? someone who seriously tried to become my friend’s bf flirted with me and her sister and that’s one of reasons I say that you can lie with both actions AND words Where is your biological mother at the moment? kitchen Do you enjoy going places with your mother, like running errands? ... Do you have any annoying siblings? she indeed annoys me  How many people are in your immediate family? I count my parents and eventually my sister as immediate family Would you say you have good or bad luck? bad Do you like your laugh? uh... Do you hate it when people ask you how their survey was at the end? because they should do better, be more unique, sorry not sorry What are your plans for the rest of the day? we’ll see

Have you ever unbuttoned your ex’s pants? ... buttons? not zipper?... What does your last text say? it was the link to the article

Do you ever think about the past? I’m nostalgic and an overthinker Is math your favorite part of school? even in middle school when I was getting high grades for math I didn’t like it that much Have you held hands with anyone in the past 24 hours? yesterday  You’ve taken fifteen shots of vodka, what are you doing? exactly, WHAT AM I DOING?! Do you regret any of your relationships? yasss but I guess I learned yadda yadda yadda Whats the last taste in your mouth? stomach acid :(

What are your countries staple dishes? (Italians - pizza, pasta etc) *shrug* What was the last thing you felt disappointed by? my very own self Do you play games on your phone? nothing else but Choices Do you have music on your cellphone? spotify Name three black things that you can see? necklace, cellphone, calculator Do you like your best friends parents? Could you even tell me their names? I liked my elementary school’s bestie’s mom - Mrs. Krysia she was like an aunt to me and still recognizes me on the street, I miss her  Are you more of a mums kid or dads kid? dad’s Marilyn Monroe or Audrey Hepburn? Marilyn Monroe forever anything silly that annoys you? (i hate hearing nails being clipped) for example - someone scratching their plate with a fork, jak ktoś sztućcem zgrzebuje resztki jedzenia mam ochotę go zamordować >.<  would you perfer to do the dishes or hang washing? dishes

[thosekidswhohuntmonsters]

Keeping Your Promises 

Summary: Thor is more oblivious with one eye than he was with two, especially when it comes to realizing how the people around him feel about him. With a push from Loki will Thor finally realize how the reader feels about him?

Word Count: 1660

Authors note: omg my first Thor imagine!! If you guys want me to write more Thor just lmk!!

**if you reblog or comment on my fics there’s a 100% chance I’d now die for you**

      As Loki walked past your room he stifled a chuckle. Leaning against your doorframe he asked, “Could you be more obvious, and my brother more oblivious”. Picking up your head from your book you turned to face him.

Baby you’re like lightning in a bottle, I can’t let you go now that I got it

You raised one of your eyebrows, pretending to play dumb. He didn’t budge, the look he was giving you made you know he had seen right through you. As the song continued he smirked.

All I need is to be struck, By your electric love

Baby, you’re electric

Reaching for your phone you skipped to the next song on your playlist. Without looking to him you softly said, “I thought you were the god of mischief, not the god of smugness”. Loki’s smirk grew, you were the only one he’d let toy with him like that.

“And I thought you midgardians were desperate to fall in love, and here you are denying it”. With that he left your room and continued to walk to his own. It was hard to tell who was smiling bigger, you or him.

Shaking your head you closed your bedroom door, and the second it was shut your mind continued to think of Thor. It had been a year since they’d returned from Ragnarok and had decided to live in the tower.

And it had also been a year since you’d first developed feelings for Thor. He had always made your heart skip a beat, but now given how much he’d grown emotionally you just couldn’t help yourself.

Thor had lost the most he ever had, but his heart was so giving that you would never know it. He constantly spoke of friendship and that “home” was rooted within people not places. It was like after all these years he’d finally found himself.

Although Thor remained oblivious to your feelings, Loki picked up on them instantly. He was used to people fawning over Thor, but none had ever had the character that you had. You weren’t another maiden, you were more.

Loki considered you one of Midgard’s only redeeming qualities, which was why he was so supportive of your feelings for his brother. Loki knew that the last person Thor ever thought about was himself, so it was hard to see when someone truly cared for him the ways in which you did.

He’d always believed his brother to be oblivious, but now more than ever. To make matters worse Thor shared your feelings, but was too unsure to act upon them. You were both lucky Loki refrained from locking you in the same room for 24 hours.

“Brother you’re staring, and quite possibly drooling”. Instantly Thor stopped leaning against the kitchen counter and stood back up straight. He tried to look casual, “Yeah well you’re also staring..staring at me..”.

Loki rolled his eyes at Thor’s lame comeback. He leaned a little closer, “The men in this house wildly outnumber the women, might be time you remember that”. Loki motioned his head forward, leading Thor’s gaze to you and Bucky.

Bucky was pulling you out of your glum mood by forcing you to dance with him. He turned up the speakers, “You know doll, dame’s used to line up just to dance with me”. As Bucky watched you slowly smile he knew he was getting through to you.

“Just dance with you?”, you teased knowingly. His loud laughter filled the room, and he pulled you a little closer. With a smirk he said, “That’s why you’re my best girl, you catch on quickly”.

Quickly he spun you out from his body before pulling you back into his chest. Placing both of your hands on his chest you rolled your eyes, “Okay consider me cheered up Barnes”. For a moment he held you there, not letting you escape his grasp.

Softly he whispered, “Good, because Thor over there is about to smite me where I stand”. While shaking your head you playfully pushed him back. Smiling you added, “Actually…wanna know what would really cheer me up?”.

Bucky finished your sentence, “Joe’s Pizza on 7th?”. You nodded your head, your stomach already beginning to grumble. Bucky motioned you to follow him, you both moving to get your coats.

For some reason Bucky stopped in the kitchen before going to the hallway with all your coats. He sighed, “You know what doll, I forgot that I’d promised Steve we’d train today. I can’t go get pizza with you I’m sorry”. You knew exactly what he was doing.

Loki realized too, “I would accompany you (y/n) but I can only stand so many midgardians at a time…but I know Thor doesn’t share these feelings. He loves Midgard and many of the people on it”.

As Loki turned to Thor his grin was enormous. After glaring at his brother Thor finally answered, “I’d love to go drink pizza with you (y/n)”. Biting your lip you tried to hold back a giggle but you couldn’t stop yourself.

Thor was amazed how you made even the smallest actions so arousing. You smiled, “Alright then I’ll show you the best Pizza this city has to offer…and we eat it not drink it. I mean you could drink it but-”.

As he heard the door close Loki turned to Bucky, “I do have to say that was well done on your part”. Bucky grinned, his earlier smugness returning within seconds. He shrugged his shoulders playfully, “It was a team effort really”.

Thor looked down at the food before him quizzically. He looked around him to see how other people ate the food, hoping to copy them. Slowly he brought his hands to fold the pizza, wondering for a moment if it was still alive and this technique helped finally kill it.

When the pizza crunched he jolted back a little bit, and as redness seemed to ooze from it he was convinced it had been once alive. Your voice brought his head back up, “If you don’t like it you don’t have to eat it”.

With that you began to eat your food, savoring every single bite. He watched you, “I thought you didn’t eat animals (y/n)?”. You raised one of your eyebrows at his question.

“I don’t..this isn’t an animal..oh my god”. As you pieced things together you laughed loudly. Thor was slightly embarrassed, but as he watched that beautiful smile of yours form every other emotion except desire left his body.

He smiled too, “Maybe I’m not as versed in midgardian culture as I thought”. You shook your head at his cute naiveness. Without thinking you let it slip, “No you’re cute”.

Knowing that you’d never get those words back, and he clearly heard them, you were eager to quickly move things along. Hoping to push away the moment you began eating the pizza again.

Thor noticed the blush on your cheeks, it was as red as what you’d told him had been the sauce. He now understood why it had felt like such a shift, with how you were reacting over a simple compliment it clearly meant more to you.

He’d heard you call many things cute, even Loki’s threats to destroy everyone in his worst fits of rage, so this cute obviously represented much more to you. Suddenly it all started to click in his mind.

Thor regained his confidence, “Hmm cute? Like how you look right now all flustered? You can tell me if I’ve used the term incorrectly”. Smugly he watched you blush even harder, and he felt Loki would even be proud of his boldness.

You knew that Loki was adopted, but right now Thor was mirroring that infamous smirk of Loki’s. Fumbling you managed to get out, “Uh..no you got that one right Thor…”. He nodded his head, his smile only fading as he took another bite.

You went to take another bite of your food too, but you just shook your head. Smiling you sighed, “I guess there’s no going back now huh?”. Placing down his pizza Thor held your gaze.

His smile was enormous, “No”. As Thor watched you bite your lip in contemplation he felt his heart race. He had seen women do the most obscene things while trying to get his attention, but you nearly had him begging on his knees without even knowing it.

You thought over the past year, and how much you all had lost. If there was anything you’d learned it was that nothing was promised, not even your next breath. Thor clearly liked you, so you needed to stop the voice in your head and finally act on your feelings.

“You know Thor, one day I’m going to get you all hot and bothered and see how you like it”.

It was a little more daring than you’d planned, but you liked the immediate reaction your words had caused. He was a fucking god, and here you were making him smirk wildly with your words.

“Oh I think I’ll quite enjoy it love, I just hope you keep your promises.”. Thor ended his sentence with a wink and continued to eat his pizza. Quickly he looked up from his food, watching your cheeks flush with color.

Thinking over his words you nodded your head, there was no going back now. Summoning all your courage you looked directly into his eyes, “Don’t let my innocent eyes fool you, I’m a woman of my word”. It was your turn to wink before continually to nonchalantly eat your food.

“I swear on Odin’s beard you shall be the death of me (y/n)”. Thor groaned while taking another bite, and you wondered if it was because of the delicious pizza, or you. Smiling to yourself you realized that the next time Thor made that noise around you, he wouldn’t be eating pizza.

——————————————————————————

Forever tags: @lovelyttom @mizz-kraziii @dolphinpink310 @potterwolf16 @blackirisposts @darkmystress00 @esoltis280 @msvega24 @destielinamoose  @jade-taillia @courtneychicken @thisisbullshytt @lipstick-kami @sonofadeanwinchester @buckysmusculararm @capandors @omghelenabonhambae @sincerelydorky @cravingmustard @mister-doctor-john-waton @princess-yuna @xinyourdreamsx @supermerlinwho221b @queen-maximoff @thatpeachybandgirl @nikkiofasgard @generouslyuniquestudent @pandawolfunicorn @yumtummytumyum @we-dream-the-same-dreams @multifandomgirlrandomstuff @darlingotaku

*a line through your name means it won’t allow me to tag you*

[inquartata30]

1. Indah hugging Thaia tightly in A Gift of Mud and Flowers 2. The one where Thaia stares dumbly into the ice beside the wreck of the Periphona 3. The one where Thaia shoves aside everyone to tacklehug Lexi because OMG YOU'RE ALIVE 4. Lexi's first glimpse of the bay coming out of the rock tunnel 5. Safira telling Thaia to remember not to die and smiling and laughing and YOU MONSTER AAAAAAH 6. The two matriarchs getting drenched by the giant wave in the reflecting pool

FEEEELS all of those

3. The one where Thaia shoves aside everyone tackle hug Lexi because OMG YOU’RE ALIVE is one of the ones that most sticks in my head for me. In the original plan, I’d thought they’d be together already by the time they met up again in Andromeda. I dug up the snippet I had from the earliest notes:

The Tempest’s entire crew, save for Kallo, who stayed at the helm, met the ground team as they hopped out of the parked nomad. Ryder was the first one out and immediately bombarded with questions about what the hell had just happened. Cora and Liam weren’t exempt, but when Peebee got out, questions got thrown at her and she handled them the best out of the four because she knew what she was talking about. 

When Drack climbed out, the conversation’s volume died down as they stared at the huge krogan. But Thaia was right behind him and her actions instantly pulled everyone’s attention from Drack and onto her. She halted in mid-step as she took in the crew, and then shoved Drack aside to sprint toward the forward doors, where Lexi stood. 

Where Lexi stood and suddenly beamed, reflecting the smile Thaia had, and then Thaia reached her and they were kissing and what had just happened? Did Thaia just work that fast? Was Ryder not Lexi’s type because she wasn’t asari? And they were still kissing—no, they’d stopped to do that thing where you out your hands on the other person’s cheeks and then pressed foreheads together. Except there wasn’t any distance between the rest of their bodies either and Ryder was completely confused.

“You think they know each other?” asked Liam.

“I hope so,” said Ryder. “Otherwise, I’m going to be upset that we got a stasis and Lexi got, well, that.”

Drack laughed. “Girlfriend. No need to feel jealous. But if you ask real nice when she’s in this good of a mood, she might lay one on you.”

“Really?” asked Liam. “I wouldn’t have thought… they’re just so different.”

“Feel free to come up for air,” Drack directed at Thaia and Lexi. “Kid, you’ve established she’s not dead. You can do the fun parts of catching up when the rest of us aren’t stuck waiting on you.”

4. Lexi’s first glimpse of the bay coming out of the rock tunnel is another that sticks for me, too. Especially with the two points in that scene where the slow burn could’ve ended so quickly that it wouldn’t have been very slow at all. Both the moment right before the crab, and then the other, after they’ve gone back through the tunnel and Lexi shoves Thaia into the water. I played around with what could’ve happened in either of those cases and here’s the snippet for the second point of no-slow-burn-at-all:

Thaia got to the shore on her own, tracks of eezo-laced water sliding down her crest onto her face. After she wiped the water from her eyes, she studied Lexi for a moment that was too short and too painfully long all at once. She opened her mouth and then closed it. Her chest rose and fell with the settling breath she took before she looked away, toward the cave. “We should get back.” But her voice was tight, her deep breath not having settled her in the least.

Lexi grasped her wrist. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” She didn’t look at Lexi, but a small, rueful smile emerged. “Not exactly. We really should get back.” When she tried to take a step toward the cave, Lexi didn’t let go. “You can tell me what’s bothering you. It’s all right.”

“We need to go back,” she said, unfocused eyes staying on the cave.

“Thaia, talk to me. Please.”

After another failed attempt at settling herself while still not looking at Lexi, Thaia tried explaining. “I meant what I said about being real friends and not ‘friends but I hope you’ll change your mind and be more’ and we are friends and technically best friends because we were in jail together today. And I still mean what I said and I’m not going back on it. That isn’t who I am.”

“I know.” They wouldn’t be friends, otherwise. And there wasn’t anything in Thaia’s words or actions that that had not been genuinely wholehearted expressions of friendship.

“Right, now that it’s sorted, we can go back to the house.”

“What compelled you to repeat it just now?”

Thaia looked away from the cave only to look up at stars appearing in the darkening sky. “I wanted to kiss you.” Her jaw flexed. “I want to kiss you.”

“You could ask me.”

“It isn’t that simple of a—” Thaia broke off and finally looked directly at Lexi, her expression a unique combination of exasperated and earnest. “Lexi, I want to kiss you until you can’t remember what words are and that really isn’t something you do with someone who’s just a best friend.”

A thrill traveled through Lexi’s chest at hearing those words and realizing she hadn’t been the only one struggling against the pull. “You still haven’t asked.”

Thaia stared at her like she’d spoken absolute nonsense.

“Are you going to make me ask you?”

Thaia’s arm went slack in her silent disbelief.

Lexi supposed this temporary impasse was of her own creation. She had been the one to name the limit of friendship here in the Milky Way. Not only had they stayed within that limit—barely, at times—but they had also established a surprisingly deep friendship that Lexi never wanted to lose. And though her heart raced and her breathing shallowed, it wasn’t the fear she’d expected. The fear didn’t exist except in fading memory because Thaia understood. She understood who Lexi was and wouldn’t be chased away the same as all of Lexi’s exes.

To unmistakably communicate her certainty, Lexi made deliberate eye contact with Thaia.

Goddess, her eyes had only grown more blue in the waxing twilight. More puzzled, as well.

Which Lexi would end with clarity and strength in her voice. “I want you to kiss me.”

Though her gaze briefly dropped to Lexi’s lips, Thaia’s brow furrowed. “Are you sure? Because you—”

“Yes.”

The softness of it surprised her. She’d expected the force of a breaking wave that had gathered energy crossing the deepest sea, but instead the touch of her lips was the gentle wash of water over a shallow shoal. Fleeting. As if she feared permission being rescinded by a mind not so changed after all.

Lexi’s mind had been changed, but only further in the direction she’d cautioned herself against before. Because this didn’t feel the same as the past. Thaia didn’t feel the same when Lexi took advantage of the wrist in her hand and drew her closer. Against her, hard planes and soft curves and a gasp when Lexi returned the kiss with the force of the breaking wave.

Her enthusiasm summoned the promise in Thaia’s words given only moments ago, long fingers cradling her face, pulling them closer until physical distance between them ceased to exist, the warm, damp breeze from the inlet wrapping around them. 

When Lexi traced her tongue along Thaia’s lips she tasted the sea. When Thaia opened her mouth, Lexi tasted the eezo from that very same sea. Thessia. A distillation of their people’s past into this person with a dazzling smile and a deep attachment to this place she so very much embodied.

She wanted more. She wanted more of Thaia. She wanted more of Thaia in this place. And this would be the last opportunity.

Lexi pulled them back into the water.

[spicy-boi-loves-lancey-lance]

Voltron Legendary Defender Season 8 (Spoilers) (Klance)

Good morning, good day, good evening... Good anything. Today I'm here to talk about something. That something is of course VLD season 8 (mostly Klance) because it left me with a strange impact that I haven't seen anyone feel except me. And if you read into this, and you ship Klance it might just make you feel that interesting feeling of getting what we wanted, albeit not exactly, but in a way. Also sorry if some things are off, I'm doing all this from memory.

So right of the bat, an unpopular opinion. I enjoyed season 8, quite a lot actually. I know it might be suprising, but I... As a Klance shipper don't hate A//urance in any way shape or form, I don't ship it. But can you blame me for not having the same opinion as you. I liked the moments between Lance and Allura, but my problem with them was that they came after they already canon. If you don't understand what I'm saying: The A//urance moment didn't help build their relationship, it established it after it was confirmed canon with a kiss. So, no I don't hate the ship at all. I respect what it is. I really do. I just don't ship it.

Now comes the main thing: Klance

So, just to explain a bit, this part is basically going to be a meta (about those strange ol' feelings of mine) with some canon moments thrown in.

To start of I wanted to say that for the majority of the season Lance didn't seem like himself. He was serious, cold... Odd. I know, it was a scary time, but that Lance that was there in the most awful of times was always the same, except in this season. The only times he reminded me of the Lance I know was when he was with Keith. And in a way that it just made me feel like I was in the middle of some early season, it was just... Lance.

Now, I feel I must adress one of the best scenes we've ever got between the two of them. The sunset scene... Ya know, when Klance was getting rough and I started to lose hope the last thing I would ever say ia that we would canonically have a Klance scene we call "The sunset scene". It was just so Lance and Keith. You know how I said Lance didn't seem like himself, well in this scene I felt that feeling of "this is them" so much. It was powerful. For a comedic little scene it was really powerful. Keith first said how Allura is going on a date with Lance because she likes him, that didn't really help Lance. Then he metioned himself if I'm not mistaken, something about Lance having his back, I think. And that cheered Lance up, not the fact that Keith as his "stability" knew Allura doesn't have anything against how Lance behaves, but the fact Keith made him realise Keith sees him as someone who is important to him. That scene means a lot to me.

The other very important scene is the when Allura is hurt, and Lance is scared for her. Keith reaches out to him, tells him she'll be alright. That doesn't seem to help Lance much. Then Keith mentions how much he and Lance have grown. And at that moment I realised what that feeling was. To put it bluntly Lance and I were experiencing the same feeling. I saw and felt that familiar feeling of a Lance I know, the Lance I love. While Lance felt the familiar feeling of someone who he can rely on. Someone who he knows, trusts. Who went through battles of his own. Keith and Lance can depend on each other. They can and have got each other's backs. While Allura put pressure on Lance, where he might've felt like he needed to make her feel good, and forget about himself (which is adorable of him, he's such a sweetheart). Allure surely didn't meant to do that but that's just how it was. With Allura he couldn't be himslef for those reasons. Because he had to focus on making her feel happy, because of all she's been through. That's the contrast; Allura and Lance are facing their own battles, but they are vastly different. Allura was facing loss, power, leadership, her people meant the most to her. Lance on the other hand was facing love, self discovery, his friends and family are the most important people in his life. While Lance and Keith might not face the same battles, Keith is able to be Lance's stability because Keith already beat his battles, he knows who he is. Allura was still facing her battles, just like Lance. Both of them couldn't rely completly on each other because neither of them were strong enough. Keith is Lance is strength, and vice versa. You remember that moment when Keith didn't want to lead Voltron, and it was Lance who first went to talk to him. Even when Lance wanted to pilot the black lion, he still put Keith as the more important one. I always had a feeling that moment would be important, I just didn't know when. So, yes. Lance and Keith can depend on eachother, Lance and Allura are to weak to do so.

Another very popular moment coming up, this will be the last big part of this post. You might've guessed what I'm talking about, if you didn't... I'm talking about "I think his like the future" -Lance (talking about Keith. This one also seemed like it would be important, and now I realised why. So you know how Lance was sad about Allura (unnecesarily) dying and he felt grief. Well that aforementioned sentence (in my eyes) confirms that Klance does become canon at some point in the reality of the show. Let me explain... So Lance greives for Allura, but after a certaint amount of time he has to let it go, not forget her, of course. Just let go of her. She was his past. But Keith is his future. After he realises he can't hold on to her forever. He goes to the one he can rely on, the one can rely on him. Because if he can let Allura go in the past, he can accept that Keith isn't only the future, Keith is HIS future. The "filler episodes" always foreshadowed stuff, right? Maybe this one foreshadowed Keith being Lance's future. After all, Keith isn't the future of the peope because he refused his role as emporor. So he's yet to achieve his title as the future, or has he? Of course with all of them being single (except Shiro) it leaves a lot up to the imagination. But this just seemed to fit like a missing puzzle peice.

So this won't be a long paragraph, I just noticed how one of the last moments of the show is a Klance paralel:

After Keith mentions how he denied his role as emporor, Lance says "Classic Keith". Which might be a paralel to when after Lance comes out of the haling pod, and starts flirting with Allura Keith says "Classic.". And I think that is the perfect paralel, becuase when Keith said ot was jealousy (or it at least sounded like it), but when Lance said it, it was clearly a joke. It reflects on how much they grown.

BONUS While watching the first episode, I realised that when Allura and Lance were at Lance's home, Veronica asked Lance to hook her up with Keith... Lance got so fucking defensive omg.

So TL;DR Klance totally got together in canon, because they are strong together.

[hellospunkiebrewster]

Flight Risk - Part VIII

Author’s note: Part VIII is here! I’m so behind on reading fics and getting back to you all with responses to all of your beautiful support even if I haven’t responded to you directly. I’ll get to it I promise. I also understand I’m woefully behind on prompts, that I promise to get caught up with once July comes around and I’m done with this and working on my first crossover (OMG seriously guys) for Camp NaNoWriMo! Catch up here if you’re just finding Flight Risk or if Tumblr decided it didn’t care about tagging you for previous parts.

Prologue - Part I - Part II - Part III - Part IV - Part V - Part VI - Part VII

Summary: Cordonia gets news of Riley’s statement and the continued fallout of Liam’s departure is a mess that perhaps even his return can’t clean up.

Perma-tags: @madaraism, @mfackenthal, @blackcatkita, @darley1101, @pbchoicesobsessed, @never-ending-choices, @flyawayblue56

Tags for Flight Risk: @theroyalweisme, @viktoriapetit, @hopefulmoonobject, @shirtlessbenpark, @captain-kingliamsqueen, @syltti78, @queencatherynerhys, @jamielea81, @bobasheebaby, @ranishajay, @jlouise88, @choiceswreckedme, @hamulau, @umccall71, @gardeningourmet, @ayo-minty-jess, @drakelover78, @jayjay879, @ehkw1989, @barbaravalentino, @speedyoperarascalparty, @lynn1214, @starstruckzonkoperatorbat, @choicesfanatic86, @mrsdrakewalkerblog

“Are you ready?”

She nods and fidgets with her hands. Her face is set, serious, and she takes a deep breath. Being this nervous was so unlike her and she almost felt like it was unbecoming of someone who was to become Queen.

She looks down at her hands in her lap and closes her eyes for a moment.

“Your story, your opinion, you deserve to be heard by the people of Cordonia.”

She nods again and her green eyes meet his and look around at the newsdesk around her. The lights, the cameras, the sheer number of people in the studio. It all started to close in around her. She supposed it didn’t matter if she was nervous visibly on camera, she would never be Queen now.

She’d always been told it was warm in television studios, under all the lights, but she didn’t know it would be stifling. The air is thick and hot as the lights shine down on her and the others at the desk. The thick layer of makeup they’d put on her for the cameras felt less like a part of her and more like a mask, threatening to slip off of her face under the blazing lights. She presses her lips together as the countdown begins to when they’d be live.

“4… 3…,” Madeleine’s red lips fix themselves into a tiny smile, only allowing her cheeks to perk up slightly. “2,” the producer mouths one then zero and steps back, to the side of the camera man.

“Good Afternoon, Cordonia. Today we have a very special guest to help us with deciphering the latest messages from King Liam, Countess Madeleine of Fydelia. We hope she can provide a unique perspective on what exactly occurred in the lead up to His Majesty’s coronation and subsequent engagement tour.”

“Your Grace, you were chosen by Prince Liam at the end of the social season before his Coronation. If we’re to believe His Majesty’s statements, this was all part of a plot against Lady Riley. What can you say to this?”

Madeleine takes a deep breath and squares up with the host. “At the time, I was unaware.” She pauses, gathering her thoughts. “Yes, the circumstances under which I was brought into the competition for Prince Liam’s hand were unusual. The royal family, the prince or princess’s own parents do not sponsor a suitor but there I was. It was suspicious from the beginning.”

“So you’re saying the King and Queen sponsored you themselves? Not your own family Duke Karlington and Duchess Krona?”

“Yes, my parents did not want to see me go through what I went through with the former Crown Prince again. My family opted out of sending a suitor at all. Not that they didn’t have faith in Liam, but that the competition in itself is quite rigorous and can be more damaging to one’s reputation than helpful.”

“But still you agreed to join it once again.”

“When Queen Regina came to me personally, she asked me where I saw myself. I told her on the throne. I know how that sounds, very manipulative and like I’m prepared to stab someone in the back.”

“It’s almost like something out of The Crown and The Flame,” the host laughs.

“I suppose so. But in reality, I only want what is best for Cordonia. I love this country so much. The lands, the ruby, and especially the people. After years of training in diplomacy, world politics, courtly etiquette, traditions, and customs, I thought I was best suited for the station of Queen next to Liam- His Majesty,” she quickly corrects herself. “I thought love could come later, or if it never did, that duty would supersede it. I hadn’t thought it possible that the king could be so irreversibly in love with someone else when Regina invited me to join the competition at Applewood.”

“Looking back on it all, being named Queen-to-be, the worldwide Engagement Tour, the subsequent cancellation of all those plans, do you regret anything?”

Her phone buzzes next to her on the desk, a message from Regina.

‘How could you.’

Madeleine glances down briefly and the message does little more than spur her on even more. She needed to set the record straight. She had done horrible things to the competition and to Lady Riley, but if she was going to come out of this unharmed and in a position to work on improving the country she so loved, she had to be honest.

“I should have not underestimated Lady Riley or even His Majesty. I thought I had it figured out on the Engagement Tour. They could carry out a secret relationship and be happy. I was blind to what was brewing right under my nose. King Liam’s love for Lady Riley outweighed anything I had to offer. You can teach her to be Queen and she’ll be a fantastic Queen, but you can’t teach him to love another-” Madeleine wants to continue, but is cut short by the host interrupting her.

“-Countess, I must apologize, but we have to cut this interview short. I do hope you’ll stick around as His Majesty has just released another statement and it features Lady Riley.”

Madeleine feels the blood fall from her face. She inhales deeply. She could do this, she could keep herself from completely losing it on live television.

“We’d love your reaction. And now, the statement and a quick break after which we’ll return to you with reactions from our analysts and if her schedule permits, Countess Madeleine.”

She was the master of the spin, she had to do this. Madeleine’s mind begins working over the possibilities in her mind. The gears spin and click into place as she feels her life shifting into the place it was meant to be all her life. If she could keep this together, perhaps she wasn’t meant to help Cordonia from the throne. Perhaps she was meant to be in politics. In parliament. The minister of the state department. The prime minister. Her red lips fix into a small smile as she nods to the host and the producer waiting beside the desk as the statement airs.

Madeleine flips her phone so the screen faces down into the desk.

—

"Lovely, inspiring. All the film people in the world if they had scoured the globe could not have found anyone so suited to the part."

-Sir Winston Churchill, on Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

--

“Scandal, it bears repeating, undermines monarchies, but rarely ends them.”

-David Cannadine, History in our Time

--

Regina paces the common room in the suite her and Constantine shared. Over the past days, Constantine had grown increasingly distant and withdrawn, only taking time to speak on his son’s departure when Bastien came with the daily report. He’d fallen from the calculated and intense king she’d known to a shell of a man, bitter and angry at the betrayal of his only sons. She’d presented him with the idea of calling his cousin sooner. To talk to him about bringing his eldest son on board. He was next in line of course. But time and time again, Constantine had refused. He insisted that it was his own blood that would continue the monarchy, not some cousin with Nevrakis ties.

“They’re related to traitors, ones I had to extinguish myself and if I had half a mind then I would’ve imprisoned the lot.” He told her over and over when she’d bring it up.

This state of limbo, however, was not healthy for the country. The people were lining up ready for their king to return and they were entirely swept up in the love story they were watching play out. Even despite all the optimism, they were still reeling from the attack on he palace; one of the journalists was still hospitalized. They needed the voice from the head of state. They needed a guiding hand. Liam, despite how well loved he was, couldn’t do that from a run down apartment in New York. If Madeleine hadn’t been so meddlesome and even advocating for Liam on his absence, Regina could’ve gotten her hastily engaged to the eldest son and insisted Constantine have the two of them crowned as soon as possible. Madeleine could’ve handled whatever rebellious and harsh Nevrakis spirit lay dormant in the next in line to the throne. This absent king situation had the potential to be a crisis.

Regina paces and decides to broach the subject with Constantine again.

“Constantine, Liam might be thinking of coming back, but when? The people need a king. And if he does return, what does that mean for us?”

He turns to her, his eyes narrow in anger, he had made it quite clear that the subject was closed for discussion.

“Do you want to be thrown out of the palace? Banished like some sort of criminals? Exiled from our home? That’s where this is going if we give Liam the chance.”

Constantine turned back to his book. If he was going to try and ignore her this time, she would continue talking and make it impossible to.

“Bring Roger to the palace. You know he’s waiting for the call.”

She moves beside his leather arm chair. “He’s severe but smart. They need a king. I understand you want it to be your own blood to continue the line but that doesn’t seem to be in the cards.”

“He could be crowned in a matter of a day. All this would end, and we would know where we stand.”

“Is that all you care about now? Where we stand? I never allow for someone with even a drop of Nevrakis blood to sit on the throne. They’re traitors, the lot of them. You can call Roger over my cold, dead body.”

Regina was taken aback at his harshness. Constantine rarely spoke to her like this, often turning to her as an equal in times like this. This was not the man she married. The illness had taken ahold of his soul and torn him apart, the departure of his son had broken him. She looks him over and thinks on her next plea.

“So that’s it then? We wait for Liam to come and throw us out, perhaps put us on trial?”

“What do I care, I’m dying anyway.”

“So you’re ready to just let Cordonia burn, the moment you die, you don’t care any longer.”

“I thought I had my legacy planned out, a son on the throne with a capable queen by his side. I thought I had orchestrated it perfectly. When Liam returns, it’s what is best for the country.”

“When?” Regina scoffs. “He’s taking his sweet time. If he’s so meant to be king, why isn’t he here with his people when they need him?”

—

Roger was tired of being toyed with. The press had been camped outside of his estate the moment they’d learned of Liam’s unofficial abdication. It was unconventional to say the least the way he left the country hanging. Then the attack happened and still the people were stuck, pining for a king who didn’t care. When Liam started releasing statements Roger forced himself to stay at his estate when what he wanted most of all was to barge into the palace and take what was rightfully his. He was the next in line after all.

Roger was an imposing man, tall and broad. His features were dark and severe. His hair was a deep walnut color. His eyes so brown they were nearly black. He had warm olive skin. Many compared him to Diavolos Nevrakis in his looks. He saw the resemblance in the portraits that hung around his old estate. They didn’t realize just how much he was the absolute opposite of him in his personality. He was bold like him yes, but he could be cruel and vengeful.

He bides his time at his estate until the whole thing reaches a fever pitch with Riley’s statement. He hears the tail end of it playing over the television in the servant’s quarters for the third time since it was released.

“King Liam’s father made it seem like he was supportive of his sons desires on the exterior. But behind the curtains he attempted to blackmail myself and other ladies of the court when it came time for Liam to choose. He involved members of the guard and others in his plot to keep Liam from following his heart. He’s destroyed many lives. I believe it’s no coincidence that some members have not returned to court after the scandal broke.

“I love your king and I love your country. I only wish you can see past my lack of experience and see to my qualifications. I want with every beat of my heart to help bring Cordonia past the recent tragedies of the attack on the palace and the natural disaster in Portavira.” Riley pauses and looks stoically at the camera, she might not have experience, but she was good.

“The people of Cordonia deserve an honest king for once. I think my husband has proven that he will stop at nothing to be open with his people. The people of Cordonia deserve a Queen who was more than born and bred for the role, but one who has the heart and compassion to change the country for the better.”

He could never allow a foreigner, a commoner, to take up the place of Queen. It was unspeakable.

It is at this moment that Roger decides he is done with this waiting game, he is going to the palace to take what is his.

—

“Liam and Riley are headed to the airport in New York. My agents report that they should be arriving late tomorrow morning,” Bastien reports to mainly Constantine and Regina and not to the third man in the room.

“Should I make sure there is a car there to collect them?” Bastien asks, exhausted but grateful this was finally starting to come to an end. With Liam returning, he could finally breathe and resume his normal duties instead of coordinating an entire department of secret espionage. Keeping track of Liam and Riley on another continent, seven hours ahead of theirs, while also heading up security at the palace was exhausting. He couldn’t remember if he’d slept last night or the night before.

“You and a couple members of the royal guard will be going there to collect him,” Roger says from his spot at the far end of the common room in Constantine and Regina’s suite. “You’ll bring him and his little wife back here, in cuffs.”

“I am not sure I follow Your Grace.” Bastien turns to Roger for the first time since arriving.

“A country cannot have two kings,” he says cooly. “Anyone who comes to this country claiming to be king is a traitor to the crown and will be treated as such. And tomorrow, it’ll behoove you to call me Your Majesty.”

“Yes sir.”

Bastien sighs. He hadn’t prepared for this, but Roger was exercising his right as the next in line to force himself to be crowned. Liam had been gone too long with no official explanation, it created a constitutional crisis to not have a monarch for this long. He’d miss the deadline by mere hours to return before his crown would be up for grabs by the next in line, Roger.

He should’ve seen it coming the moment Roger walked in and did everything in his power to keep him from taking up residence in the palace.

Rules were rules and now that Roger was here, there was little Bastien could do to stop it. It would take a vote from the parliament to stop it and they were never quick on anything. Bastien decides to reach out to Madeleine the moment he leaves this room to get her on the case, she had many connections and was better at talking to politicians than he was.

Bastien looks at Regina then Constantine. The former king appears to be livid, it was a face Bastien was familiar with, but after all the years serving in his guard he had seen it in only on rare occasions. When Liam’s mother was killed, the assassination attempt on Liam himself, and the coup attempt by the Nevrakis family so many years ago.

He’d been the one who received the orders to dispose of the Duke and Duchess of Lythikos once their involvement in the coup had been revealed.

“You are dismissed Bastien,” Constantine says.

Roger follows him from the room. When he clears his throat, Bastien turns to him. “Could you make sure the maids prepare the Royal Suite for me tomorrow.”

“My apologies Your Grace, but that isn’t part of my job description,” he says before turning on his heel and walking down the hall. The moment he turns the corner despite his exhaustion from being overworked and sleep deprived, he breaks into a run back to this office. There had to be a way to stop this.

[mimiplaysgames]

Strength to Protect the Things That Matter (Ch. 17)

Pairing: Terra/Aqua (eventually) Rating: T Other characters: Master Eraqus, Riku, Sora, Kairi, Xehanort Word Count: 11,596 In-progress

Summary: Terra has prayed for years for relief from having no one to talk to in the dark, except with the monster of a man who stole his life. He gets his chance - less than a week - to set things right before he loses everything again.

AO3          FF.net

A/N: This is an 11k behemoth, omg! I had more planned for this chapter, but I can’t fit more. Despite that I have already announced how the rest will be laid out and when this fic will finish, I had to split this one. Instead of one transitionary chapter, you guys will get two. This part is the Destiny Trio fluff (kind of). I’ve pretty much accepted that the way I write fluff is just my style. The next chapter will be the Final Fantasy part, and it’s really weird to end this chapter differently than the rest. But I really do hope that it’s enjoyable at the very least!

Vacation

The park was small. Terra sat on a bench where the grass met the sidewalk, where an endless sea of grey and otherwise colorless skyscrapers surrounded the little patch of green. From there, he watched the other children play kickball. His cheeks, arms, and abdomen still hurt from earlier, and his bruises were still a vibrant purple. He reached for the bandage on his face, which covered a scratch he received when he was pushed into the dirt and had grazed a rock.

One of the kids kicked the ball and it flew his direction. He scurried over to pick it up, and was quick to throw it back. There he stood, waiting to see if this small interaction would lead to an invitation to join the game. 

But children were either mean or didn’t know what to do with someone like him, and that invitation never came. This meant that he wasn’t wanted, so he sat back on the bench and continued to observe.

Of course, the exact adult who had scolded him earlier for his behavior was the one who noticed that he was all by himself. The organizer of the orphanage, who also taught the children, approached to sit down next to him.

“You don’t want to play?” she asked, her eyes hidden behind glasses and incredibly long blonde hair, where only half of it was tied upward in a bun. She wore a bright orange dress, so that anyone could find her if they needed.

Of course he wanted to play. It was just hard to deal with the humiliation. Besides, no one wanted to play with him. “No, Miss Quistis.”

She stroked his hair and pursed her lips. “I’m so sorry, Terra, that you feel this way. But you know it isn’t right to punish the other boys.”

“Yes, ma’am.” His voice was small and high-pitched, and he stared at the grass. The other kids would probably spread rumors over what they were talking about right now.

“I have allowed you to come out and play because I know you thought you were doing the right thing,” she said, trying to catch his gaze by leaning forward. She patted his head. “I think it would be good for you to open up a little to the others. I’m sorry if today was embarrassing for you.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

She continued to sit there until she finally let go, sighing as she headed off. She would probably say to the other staff members that she didn’t know what to do with him... It was something he heard her say before.

Terra kicked some rocks that were peacefully laying there in front of him. When he got bored of waiting for anyone else to talk to him, he scanned the perimeter for the man who would pass by. 

Every day this week it seemed, there was a peculiar man wearing a white robe who walked by the park during recess. He definitely dressed funny. All the kids spoke to themselves about why this stupid-looking man was dressed that way and wondered what he was doing. Some of the kids said he was a homeless loony. Others said he might be a wizard. 

If anything, the man was nice. He always smiled and waved at the children who would catch him walking by.

But he didn’t come today. Terra skipped over to the tree right next to the bench. If he climbed it, he would be able to see a bit further down the streets that weren’t blocked by any of the dull skyscrapers. Maybe he could see which of the kids were cheaters. 

Except he couldn’t reach the lowest branch.

A man’s voice behind him spoke. “That’s a mighty tall tree for you, isn’t it?” 

He turned and found himself facing the funnily-dressed man. Up this close, he was certainly tall, and Terra noticed a deep, dark scar across his face. Maybe he was a bad guy. He was a stranger after all, and all of the adults thought that strangers kidnapped children. 

But how could he know which ones he should talk to and which ones he shouldn’t? Miss Quistis also wanted him to open up to others. Maybe this man was a mighty warrior and was really cool. Who else had scars like that?

“Mister, why do you have a scar on your face?” Terra asked.

The man chuckled and touched his cheek, then pointed to the bandage on the little boy’s face. “You seem to have one, too.”

“Well Kain and Cecil were fighting over who was going to be captain and they are supposed to be friends,” Terra said with multiple breaths as he seamlessly went through each word, smoothing his r’s so they sounded like w’s. “The rules say that no one is allowed to fight, so I told them that they were stupid and breaking the rules, but because they are older, they pushed me and kicked me. Nobody helped me neither. They don’t listen when the grown-ups say that you should take care of your friends.”

The man laughed through his nose, and kneeled behind the tree to meet Terra face-to-face. “I also fought with a dear friend of mine. That is how I got this scar. He was supposed to be like my older brother, and what hurt worse than the scar was losing someone like him from my life.”

“You should tell him he’s being dumb.”

The man laughed out loud. “You obviously care very much about the deeper bonds that friends have the ability to create.”

“I guess so.” He rubbed his arm and rocked his hips side-to-side. “I wish friends could stay friends forever. If I had friends, I would make them feel safe.”

“What’s your name, son?”

“Terra.”

“Hello, Terra. My name is Eraqus.”

“Era- um...”

“It’s alright, I couldn’t tell you how my mother came up with that name.” The man smiled. “I think you have a strong heart, Terra, and that makes you special. Can you keep a secret?”

No one had ever included him in any of those coveted secrets before, where groups of kids would share a connection that no one else was allowed to enter. You had to be good enough to be part of one. 

“I can!”

“Well, don’t tell anyone, but I can cast magic.”

Terra’s eyes widened and his mouth gaped. “You’re a wizard.”

The man laughed, his teeth showing behind his bushy mustache. “Not quite. But I help people with my magic.”

“So you’re a hero?”

“Something like that. Are you happy here, Terra?”

He remembered where he was, standing by a tree in a tiny park surrounded by tall buildings, where the grass was the only proof of color in the miles around him. The other children were still playing kickball, and Miss Quistis was tending to a little girl who had fallen over.

“Miss Quistis is nice,” he said. “She takes care of us, and she makes us good food when she cooks. She plays with us, too.”

“Well, I am starting a school to teach my craft of magic to very special children, like yourself. You will be able to help people. Would you like to be my student?”

Terra had always wondered if he would ever see the day when he would leave. He was told only good children who behaved well would get adopted. He saw many children leave, and the friends they left behind were sad to see them gone. Still, the adults told him that children with parents were loved. That they had what was called a home to go to every night, and they got lots of presents for their birthdays. It was always better to have parents.

“Does that mean I’ll get adopted?” Terra asked, his voice quiet.

Eraqus smiled and ruffled through the boy’s hair. “Yes, it does.”

Terra stared for a moment, his deep blue eyes wide. Most children would be jumping with joy, but this was a surprise and most likely a dream. He nodded a little, half-believing that today was finally the day.

“You’ll be my eyes. Is anyone looking this way?” Eraqus said.

Terra quickly glanced around the tree. The kids were busy with their game. Miss Quistis was holding the hand of the little girl, who was now crying. She was trying to catch the attention of one of the other children who might have accidentally pushed the girl over.

“Nope!”

“Then let me show you what I can do.” Eraqus raised his hand, and in swirls of light which felt warm in the air, what looked like a giant key appeared, surrounded by sparkles. He then positioned the hilt toward Terra, and spoke words of initiation as though it was a spell, none of which Terra understood. 

But that key was definitely magical, and it was definitely special. When prompted, he touched it. Then it disappeared.

“You’ll be able to able cast magic as long as you are able to keep this a secret. You don’t want that to wear off, do you?“

Terra giggled. “I’m very good at keeping secrets.”

“Good, I’m counting on you.”

Eraqus ruffled through Terra’s hair one more time before getting up and crossing the park to where Miss Quistis was standing. The other children took notice and all gathered together to stare at him. Terra followed close by, and Eraqus soon introduced himself and expressed his interest in the adoption, and Miss Quistis gestured for Terra to come at her side. She placed her hand gently over his head and told the other kids to allow him to play with them.

The two adults were left talking among themselves. Terra had heard it before countless times with other possible candidates who were initially interested in him, and knew exactly what she would be saying to Eraqus. 

That there would be extensive background checks. That Terra lacked a little bit of discipline. That Eraqus would need to visit him multiple times so that they can be observed to see if they got along, and if the boy felt safe. 

But he was determined to keep the magic key the most secretive secret ever. He was determined to make sure that he could earn this new home. Some of the other kids sneered that such a weird man would be interested in such a weird kid. But that didn’t matter anymore. He had what it took to be a good student and he was going to get a father. Soon, he would leave this place as the happiest child in existence, even if none of the other kids cared if he left.

“How old were you when you met him?” Riku walks alongside him while fiddling with a twig, their feet digging deep into the sand as the ocean waves gently swayed into the beach. Sora and Kairi are far ahead of them, engaged in their own conversation.

“Six.” There is the tiniest of smiles on Terra’s face, and he adjust Aqua’s Keyblade which is now strapped across his back. The morning is bright, and while it is early the atmosphere is incredibly humid, making the temperature seem hotter than it should be.

Riku chuckles and tosses the twig into the sand. “I was about the same age when you came here and changed my whole life.” There is a teasing kind of sneer to his tone, as if he is half-way embarrassed to admit it.

“I remember a little boy who wanted the power and strength necessary to protect what mattered to him. Like his friends.” Terra sees the dock ahead, where he fatefully landed in this world many years ago. “I noticed there was something about you, some strong light.”

“Really?” Riku doesn’t sound prideful, just surprised. Despite being a Master, it’s clear that he keeps a sense of humility when it comes to deeply personal assessments. “You saw, what, light shining out of me or something?”

“No, it was a sensation. I did see... maybe a vision of you as older? I knew on some level that you were meant to have the Keyblade, so I performed the ceremony.”

“Is that normal for you? Visions?”

Terra chuckles. It isn’t like he often speaks about them, even to Aqua. “It happens rarely, but it happens.” He pauses for a moment as he sways his arms back and forth. “It was my intention to visit you several times so that I could train you, actually.”

“I would have liked that, it’s a shame.”

Yes it is. Terra has always wished that he can give the same kind of care and attention to another child out there in need of some magic and hope. To be a teacher and raise a family, just like how his Master has saved all three of them. It shouldn’t have been that Riku was left alone all those years.

His shoulders are tense and he shakes off his nerves with a sharp breath. “You know, traditionally only a Master can do the bequeathing ceremony.”

The two of them stop just under the dock and Riku places his hands on his hips. “Huh, that certainly says a lot about you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe you have what it takes to be a Master.” He shrugs his shoulders. “After everything you’ve been through and seeing the way you fight, I don’t really think I can see you as anything else.”

Terra smiles for a little bit, twisting his lips and bowing his head as he tries to control his reaction to such an undeserved compliment, wondering what Master Eraqus would think. 

Riku nods, as if to stand behind his statement.

“Hey,” Sora calls out to them from afar, cupping his hands around his mouth. “Terra, what’s taking you so long? C’mon, the cave is right here.”

Riku leans over and lets out a mock-contemptuous snort. “Look at him, calling just your name. You might as well stand here all by yourself.” He walks ahead anyway, leading Terra’s way to the cave where a mysterious door has allegedly opened the first time these kids were sent off to an adventure.

“Riku,” Terra says as they get closer, “do you really think that Sora’s theory will work?”

“I don’t know. I’ve been there twice, and it’s like...” Riku stops and turns to face his predecessor. “Listen, if I saw her there, I would have stayed. Apparently the reason why she’s still there was to make sure I got out. But I would have helped her if I knew. I just need you to know that.”

Terra tries to control his breathing and makes a conscious attempt to relax his jaw and let go of the clenching in his fists. “It’s okay,” he says softly, although it’s forced. “That’s something Aqua would do.”

Riku nods sharply and continues on his way. “Anyway, the Door to Darkness doesn’t let any light out. Both of the times I got out, I felt this sense of certainty that I was going to be okay. But I had help and I wasn’t alone, so I do agree that she needs another person to open that Door to Light for her.” He waves his arms in exasperation and let them slap his sides as they fall. “Other than Sora’s theory, I just don’t have any other plausible explanation.”

“What about getting there?”

Riku stops again and inhales slowly. “You let a world fall to darkness and ride it all the way down.”

Terra’s lips tighten at the thought. The job of a Keyblade wielder should be to completely prevent such a scenario. “But we can’t just let that happen.”

Riku nods but continues onward. “Hence the predicament.”

They arrive to where Sora and Kairi wait for them. The cave is hidden by large plants, but when Terra looks hard enough, he can see the opening. He ducks at the entrance, and it opens up as he continues inside. It is quite small, and the air is much cooler than it is outside. There are carvings all along the rocky walls that look like they have been done by small children; close to the ground is a carving of one child giving another a star. Furthest from the entrance is a wooden wall, and he traces his fingers against the smooth surface.

“We have no idea why this wall is even here,” Sora says behind him. “But it actually opened, and Ansem walked through it.”

“You know,” Riku says, “I have seen it open before that night.”

Terra holds his chin as he thinks. “Can you tell me more about what happened when this world fell?”

The three self-taught Keyblade wielders behind him stay quiet and he turns to face them. Riku’s face is completely tense and he doesn’t have the discipline to relax it. Sora scratches his head and looks down on the ground. Kairi fumbles with her hands.

“You know, I don’t remember a single thing from that night,” she says.

“Really?” Sora stops rubbing his hair but keeps his hand in place. “It happened really fast. The sky was dark and cloudy, and there were Heartless everywhere. And... it was just so fast. It was like-”

“It was like the entire world just collapsed on itself and the loose pieces were being blown apart,” Riku says. His tone is stable but stern, as though he is reciting lines that he doesn’t want to perform.

Terra nods slowly, his knuckles tense. “What happened to the rest of the people here?”

Riku sways side to side, his arms crossed. “I think those who aren’t Keyblade wielders... or maybe those that do not possess or have not come across a strong source of light, just fade away into the darkness. They don’t die, exactly, but they cease to exist as long as their world stays trapped.”

So if you don’t disappear, you just consciously suffer the entire way. Oh, Aqua...

Sora holds a fist to his cheek, deep in thought. “But doesn’t that mean they are fine once the world is restored?”

“Well,” Kairi presses her fingers together as she stares at them. “It isn’t consequence-free, exactly. Many of the people here had recurring nightmares for a couple of months, and none of the doctors understood why. Nobody remembers anything about that night, and it just became another one of those mysterious, creepy legends the kids still toss a bunch of conspiracy theories over.”

"And that’s only if a world is restored,” Riku says. Sora stays silent.

Terra presses his palm against the wood. “So, should we assume that there are signs a world will fall before it does? Like a door opening when it shouldn’t exist?”

Riku clears his throat as he finds some of the quiet bravado he normally carries. “You can actually see that a world’s light will start to flicker and fade, but that doesn’t mean that it will fall. It can just mean there are a multitude of Heartless overwhelming it.” He pauses for a brief moment. “I know a couple of sky pirates who do a lot of traveling. One of them isn’t human and she has a sixth sense for this sort of thing, but she isn’t right all the time. Either way, we’ve never just let Heartless take over.”

“And you shouldn’t.” Terra says this so quietly that he isn’t sure if the others heard him.

He caresses the wood. Perhaps he can create a door to the other side here. There is no sickly, hot energy through the wall - no sign of darkness. It’s just wood. False hope for sure, but he has nothing else. 

He breathes deeply and summons his Keyblade. He can feel the others tense up as he does this, anxious to see what tricks he has up his sleeve. He holds the tip of the Keyblade up against the wall... but he is fooling himself.

He drops his Keyblade and sighs. Two years too late to try. “If there was a world beyond this wall, it doesn’t exist anymore.”

Sora groans behind him. “I was really hoping this would work. I’m sorry it didn’t.”

“It’s fine. It’s good we are discussing these kinds of ideas.” Still, just another damn dead end.

“Well, if one plan doesn’t work, we’ll come up with another.” Sora slams his fist into his palm, a reassuring and confident smile on his face.

False hope has no meaning with Sora. Terra cannot keep a frown, and it’s the same feeling as being a child, where he can imagine a happy future with his closest friends. The amount of faith he has is outstanding.

“Sora,” Terra begins, “how can you be so sure?” He can feel a smile on his own face, which doesn’t make sense. He really should dismiss such determination for his own sake.

“I’m not sure. But I won’t believe that it’s necessary to sacrifice anybody to save her.” Sora is approaching this seriously, but there is no way to remove the sound of hope from the tone of his voice. “You’ll never give up looking for her, Terra, so something’s gotta give eventually. I think it’s just a matter of time before we can figure out what will actually work for us.”

“Well,” Riku says, “if you do get any more ideas, Sora, just tell me first before you do anything. Okay?”

“What, you don’t trust me?”

Kairi snorts and Riku rolls his eyes as he walks out of the cave.

Somehow, it is warmer outside. The others swap memories they have shared growing up here. Curiously, Riku is the one to remember the least, despite being older. This fact doesn’t seem to deter Sora’s attitude towards his oldest friend, however, since there are other memories to talk about. With the three of them engaged in their shared experiences, Terra wishes that he will get the same time to delve this deep into nostalgia with Aqua and Ventus one day. Sooner is preferable than later.

They are so involved, in fact, that they don’t notice when Terra gradually moves away towards the ocean. The breeze blowing from that direction is welcome, although it’s nothing like the crisp, dry wind from the mountains, which will slice if it gets cold enough. 

Terra takes off his shoes and socks, and walks through the shallow water, allowing his flowing pants to get wet. His feet sink into the wet sand with every wave, and it’s like a million sensations in one: the coolness of the water gushing in with such a force, the prickly, soft feeling of the sand in between his toes.

It hasn’t been long since he has woken up. Yet, this is the first time he is really realizing that he can feel again. He has been so preoccupied with finding them that he forgets he is alive. But if anyone is deserving of this same feeling, it’s Aqua.

I wish she could hear the ocean. I’ll have to take her here immediately after she’s free.

Terra loses himself in the sound of the water. If he fell to darkness to find her without a better plan, that will leave him trapped as well, but at least he will be with her. It will make it easier on the both of them to stay together. Maybe they can wait for the others to come get them, and he’ll be there to keep her chin up.

But I can’t just let a world fall and let others suffer like that. I wonder if somehow, if I find a door that shouldn’t exist, I can create an opening that way. How did she even get down there in the first place? 

Sacrifice. Darkness. The willingness to give up to be with her. Terrible thoughts to have on such a nice morning when he is supposed to take it easy today. 

The bright morning sun shines on the water, and it’s blinding if he stares at its reflection. But it doesn’t last long. The waves shift and contort, and it is now sunset. Kairi’s laughter from afar fades away. What is left is the sound of crying.

The sunset left the ocean looking dark as he walked down the beach. Ahead of him was a girl slumped over, with short pink hair and wearing an orange tunic, someone he recognized. She was crying into her hands. The waves hit her shoes, but she paid them no mind.

Her sitting there, crying all by herself, was unsightly. It was best to avoid her. But unless he turned around and took a lap around the entire island, there was no way to. Perhaps she wouldn’t notice him passing by...

She sprung up and wiped her eyes and nose. “Norty, I didn’t hear you coming. How are you?” All of her words were smothered with sniffles.

“Hello, Lenna.” His voice was polite as though he didn’t witness anything. “It’s been a pleasant walk. On such a pleasant day.” It sounded contemptuous, almost to the brink of obvious sarcasm, but she never noticed.

“I’m glad someone is having a good day.” She struggled to contain her tears. “If the fates can just use my pain and make it pleasant for someone else, that would make it more meaningful.” She was breathing heavily.

She was inviting him to listen to said pain. “Well, it sounds like your prayers have been answered. I hope the rest of your evening bodes well.” He started to walk away.

Lenna reached out to him, her hand hovering in the air. “It’s just been so hard, without Bubbles.”

A slow inhale, but he made sure that it was inaudible. He swallowed a lump in his throat, and relaxed all of his muscles. Maybe he could get away with being a little truthful. “Yes, you being without your cat is truly a misery.”

“Yes. She was family, Bubbles.” Another sob. She was going to start wailing again.

“Yes.” He relaxed his muscles again. If he didn’t acknowledge the cat, then Lenna would surely start getting obnoxious. “Poor Bubbles.” The name sounded awkward and spiteful coming out of his lips. She didn’t notice.

“I just don’t know what to do. Bubbles was always there to sit on my lap when I was doing my homework. She slept with me. She always meowed when I came home from school.” The sobs were getting heavier. “Now, it’s just so quiet.”

This world was so small that the worst of this girl’s problems was the loss of something replaceable. “Perhaps another cat might be noisier?”

She was shocked into silence, her sobs stammering. “Excuse me?”

“I’m giving you a proposal. A solution to your problem. Then you can stop mewling.”

“But... she was family.”

“It was a cat.”

Lenna erupted into tears, the sound giving him a headache. She was so loud, it caught the attention of the nearby teenager, and leading them was a girl with long purple hair that reached down to her waist. She wore a bright blue shirt and a black beanie on her head.

“Lenna,” she said as she comforted her. “What happened?”

Lenna started to talk but she was completely incomprehensible through her sobbing. Her older sister, though, understood her perfectly.

“You made my sister cry, rich boy?” She shoved his shoulder. “Who do you think you are?”

“Faris, it’s good to see you, too.” Xehanort attempted to keep himself calm. This was just too annoying. “I was merely trying to get your sister to come to a more logical conclusion. To ease her personal grievances.”

“I don’t care for your fancy talk, so you better talk to me straight. What did you say to her?”

Lenna started to talk in her gibberish again, and Faris’ eyes flashed with anger.

“Our cat was family, and she was the most important thing to Lenna,” she said as she clenched her fists. “Something’s seriously wrong with you, Nort.”

Patience was low. “She was given advice, and she refused it. There could be so much more meaning to her life, and she doesn’t have the interest nor the ability to see it.”

Faris had nothing to say. She swung her arm and punched him squarely in the jaw.

Evening becomes morning again. The pain on his jawline quickly fades away. 

The others are sparring, with Sora and Riku taking pot shots so that Kairi can practice dodging and blocking them. Clearly she does best with handling attacks from afar and with magical offenses, perhaps because of the amount of time she has spent studying with Lea. But she staggers when either of the boys come close and hit her directly. Terra makes a mental note that he has to give her tips on how to maintain her core energy and stance when she gets nervous. Something to bring up when he has the chance to later.

Right now, however, something is off. Terra has been able to learn how to sense when Xehanort’s presence is getting stronger. It’s like having another person rest their head on his shoulder, watching him that closely. The headaches start at his forehead, and then it trickles so it feels as though his hair is being pulled out. But this time, there is nothing.

This memory isn’t like the others. He likes to show off, or he tries to provoke me. But this was almost embarrassing to watch. I must have seen this vision without his involvement and... did he not notice this?

Terra looks down on his hands and breathes deeply. I know he can see what I can physically see. He can hear what I hear, and he can feel my strong emotions. But if this is a vision I had on my own... can he not see what’s in my mind?

He closes his hands and eyes and relaxes. Lenna. Faris. No pain. He thinks of Lenna again. How hard she was crying when she lost her cat. How insensitive he was to her.

Even as a teenager, all he did was hurt people. And because I was too weak to stop him, he’s done worse to them.

He shudders. This truth is hard to swallow and it nearly sickens him. I can’t call myself a Keyblade wielder if I can’t help others and heal their pain. That is the biggest reason why I delved into this calling. I had no meaning until Master gave it to me.

It’s time to get to the bottom of this.

He jogs through the sand and approaches the others. “Have any of you heard of two people living in this world named Lenna and Faris?” A headache starts to form like a gut reaction to his words, confirming his suspicions.

Sora is the first to recall his Keyblade. “Lenna and Faris? That makes me think of those old ladies who played checkers on the side of that road we used to take to go to school.”

“Hmm.” Riku smirks. “Old-fashioned names, then.”

“Would they help us find Aqua or something?” Kairi asks, her tone a bit skeptical, as if she isn’t sure why two random people from a tiny island would be of any use.

“No.” Terra realizes his answer is too short, but this is strange to open up about. “I... I’ve never met them actually, but I have to make amends to them.”

The three of them give him undeniable expressions of confusion, with Sora in particular narrowing his eyes and wrinkling his nose. “That’s weird. It’s like this came out of nowhere-”

A pregnant pause. It doesn’t come out of nowhere, and all of them know it. Terra cringes as he sees them realize this, hoping that none of them are wondering if these pseudo-psychic episodes will become more frequent or more erratic. He doesn’t know what to say. I hope they don’t consider me more dangerous now.

Sora seems the most uncomfortable about it, darting his eyes around the sand and displaying a rare seriousness that simply doesn’t fit him. He quickly glances to both of his friends to see if he can read them. Then, his eyes light up and a smile stretches from ear to ear. 

“It’s a strange request, for sure. We just don’t understand what’s possessing you.”

Riku bursts into laughter, the kind of tear-jerking hysteria that would leave anyone else unable to think - Terra has never seen this in him before. Kairi elbows Sora in the ribs, her eyes wide with disbelief. The latter is too busy in his own bout of laughter to care.

Terra scoffs slowly and clenches his teeth a little, although he doesn’t deny to himself that he’s starting to chuckle as well. Ven would say something this dumb.

“And here I thought you were mature,” Terra says as he firmly ruffles through Sora’s incredibly thick hair.

“I am mature.” Sora rubs his nose and attempts to fix his hairdo.

“Why these specific women, though?” Riku regains his composure and returns to his confident posture with one hand on his hip, as if he hasn’t been laughing this entire time. “What do they have to do with anything?”

There is no way to answer this without being direct. Terra crosses his arms and forces himself to relax. “Xehanort is from here.”

The shock is so great that Riku slowly drops the hand that before was so proud to be resting on his hip. It makes sense, though. Xehanort once called the Land of Departure his home and didn’t care that it got destroyed, either.

Kairi leans forward. “So you’re telling us that we can meet people who grew up with him?“ She gasps and holds a hand to her mouth. “I wonder what he was like as a kid.”

Not much different.

“Would he have gone to the same school as us?” Sora asks out loud. “What am I saying, of course he would have. There is only one.” He fidgets with excitement. “We’ve got to find these ladies.”

Sora and Kairi look over to Riku as if they need his permission to go. Riku takes his time to answer, enough for Terra to wonder if he is stalling on purpose to make them feel anticipation. “I like the idea. We should search for them.”

“I knew it was a good idea to come here. Let’s go.” Sora does an about-face and leaves, with Riku following closely behind. Terra starts to follow them, but notices that Kairi is still standing there, her hands behind her with a contemptuous smile on her face.

He lifts his shoulder as if to ask her what’s wrong, when Sora calls out from behind him. “Hey, what gives?”

“What gives is that you are going the wrong direction.” She creates finger-guns and points in the opposite way, her tone dramatically sarcastic. “I hid a boat by the beach on the other side for when we come back.” She waves her arms around. “I was just seeing how long it would take you guys to notice that I wasn’t around. Thanks, Terra, for waiting for me.”

Riku slowly closes his eyes as if he is guilty of something, while Sora’s mouth hangs open. “Wait, Kairi-”

“Too late.” She grabs Terra by the wrist and pulls him in the correct direction. “I don’t want either of you two losers to sit next to me.”

The main island is larger, filled with homes and small facilities and markets. One side of it features a beach while the other is raised, the ocean water hitting the rocky terrain that make up the cliff side there. 

But it’s still very small, with an endless ocean surrounding the town that stretches beyond the horizon. Such a tiny world means that the setting is intimate and safe. All of the inhabitants know each other - a feature that Sora doesn’t think matters. Everyone apparently knows that the three of them have left to visit other worlds, so who cares if they brought in a stranger?

Terra brushes off his own concerns, not the least of which is the part where he simply has to accept that times have changed. Some worlds have been exposed to the outside, much like how Radiant Garden has, and there is nothing that can be done to undo that. Master Eraqus would grow a headache over this.

The news that a stranger has visited the island spread like wildfire. Friends from their school flock around him. Kairi’s friends in particular demand why she is keeping a hottie like him all to herself. It takes a considerable amount of effort to keep anyone from touching Aqua’s Keyblade.

So they decide that it’s best Terra leaves the town altogether. He takes this opportunity to give more lessons to Kairi as they spar among some isolated trees, while Sora and Riku track down Lenna and Faris’ whereabouts.

They take a break. Kairi stays quiet, probably mulling over his advice. They sit together atop a hill, where they can view the town - seeing it from here really emphasizes the tiny size of it. The ocean surrounding him might as well be an empty desert. 

Or perhaps there is world down in its depths that hasn’t been discovered yet. There has to be something more than just this town.

“Do you think I have what it takes to be any good?” he hears Kairi say next to him.

“Of course you do.” Being a Princess of Heart and all, if you have to protect yourself, so be it. “Why do you ask?“

She sighs forcefully. “Sometimes I don’t think Riku and Sora believe I can do anything for myself. They always leave me behind. And I mean, I get it. I’m not experienced like they are, but they continue to treat me the same. I’m not sure they trust me at all.”

“I think they trust you well enough. They left you alone with me after all.” A part of him tenses up. 

“They left me with you because they trust you.”

“I still don’t think it’s about you.” 

It’s very much like dealing with Ventus. He always asked the two of them if he could join along. Begging to be included. Begging to explore other worlds. Aqua being the one to be over-protective and to send him off. Terra being the one to encourage Ventus to spread out. 

Except that one time in Radiant Garden.

“Maybe they’re afraid they’ll fail to protect you,” he says. “It’s not a failure that’s easy to accept, you know.”

Kairi takes a moment of silence. “Yeah but, why does that mean that I can’t protect them when I want to?”

Terra chuckles. How many times have Aqua and I competed over this very same issue?

“I’m sure they bump heads over which one of them should be protected as well. It’s a never-ending argument, and truthfully it’s a give and take.” He smiles at her. “When the time is right, you’ll just have to step it up when they inevitably stumble.”

She grins to herself. She still has a long way to go, but she’s doing alright with fighting. 

He feels the wind blowing through his hair. Despite that the town is not too far, it’s quiet enough. The smell of the ocean is everywhere.

“It must get real dark here at night,” he says. “I’m sure you can see the stars very clearly.”

“The sky gets absolutely covered with them. You like the stars?”

“Yeah. It was our favorite past time, to go stargazing together.”

She excitedly claps her hands. “Then you have to bring them here when you find them.”

He smirks. “I will.”

It is a warming thought, just being able to bring the stars back to them. Not like being on their mountains exactly, but great enough. 

In the distance, nearer the cliffside, stands a solitary house that juts out far from the town. It’s a bit larger than the other homes, and something about it makes his stomach lurch. He attempts to ask her about it when Sora and Riku approach them from behind some trees.

“Did you find them?” Kairi stands up quickly.

“Yeah.” Riku scratches his head and doesn’t meet her gaze. “They are in the cemetery, out on the eastern cliff side.”

The three of them eye Terra. This doesn’t change a thing.

“Okay,” Terra says, “I’ll need a cat statue. You know, one of those outdoor types that you put in the dirt?” He reaches in his pockets. “I can give you the munny for it. I’ll also need pink and purple flowers.”

Kairi raises her hand. “I know where you can pluck those, actually.”

“Why don’t I go with you to get the flowers, Terra?” Sora asks.

“It was my idea,” she says.

“But I didn’t get to spend any time with him,” Sora whines. 

She places her hands on her hips and leans forward. “Excuse me, but I’d like to have a private conversation with him.” 

That shuts him up. The two boys leave with some of Terra’s munny, while he and Kairi walk south through some palm trees.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” he asks her.

“Oh nothing, actually. I’m still mad at the two of them.”

It isn’t a far walk, and they reach a small grassy field full of beautiful flowers, all of different colors. The sub-tropical weather really encourages such foliage. It’s easy to pick out the ones he wants, considering that each color seems to enjoy the company of its own.

“So you grew up with Aqua and Ventus?” she asks as they crouch over the flowers they are collecting.

“Ven’s the little brother I’ve always wanted.” A smile forms on his face. Thinking about Ventus always comforts him in a way, perhaps because there is less guilt involved. He remembers how delighted he was when Ventus woke up, and when Ventus started to follow him around like a puppy after it’s been rescued from starving.

He continues. “Aqua and I go way back. She and I were the ones who really grew up together. I don’t think I ever saw her as my sister. She’s my partner really. My sparring partner, my mission partner... she’s my best friend.”

“She must be really special to you, then.”

“Of course she is.” He notices a peculiar smile on Kairi’s face. She immediately tries to roll her lips to erase that look. 

What is making him to be so open about feelings?

Maybe it just isn’t worth keeping them hidden anymore, not after what I went through. Or maybe it’s something else. There’s something about Kairi that makes me feel like I’ve met her before.

They continue to gather flowers in silence, although Kairi is still smiling to herself. She has the bouquet of purple, while he finishes a thick bundle of pink. 

Just in time, Sora and Riku join them. The former is holding two white ribbons to tie the bundles together, while the latter carries a sizable statue depicting a cat sitting down with its tail wrapped around its body. The plan so far is going perfectly - although Riku has this comically sour look on his face.

“We were being followed and nagged by Tidus and Wakka,” Riku says when asked what’s wrong. He sets the statue down. “And Sora got the great idea to tell them that the cat statue was a gift for his mom.”

Sora deviously smiles, stretching from ear to ear. “It worked didn’t it?” He tries to suppress a laugh.

“Only because you told them that I’ve always had a crush on her.”

Kairi bursts into hysteria and Riku reminds her that it isn’t funny. She gives him tiny nods while doing her best not to continue laughing and then hugs him. This prompts Sora to hug the both of them from behind, so that Riku is pinned between their affections. His arms slack and he gives Terra a timid glare, pleading to be freed.

Terra picks up the statue. “I appreciate everything you do for me, Riku.”

The cemetery is quite possibly the noisiest area on the island. 

The wind is blowing harder here since it’s on higher ground, and the water is slamming against the rocks below. It’s not the largest graveyard that he’s seen, a testament to the size of the population on this island. Most of the gravestones here are humble. Plaques are placed specifically for Lenna and Faris, who both passed away a few years ago and were buried next to each other. Weeds are overgrowing on them, and Terra rips them out and dusts off the falling dirt with his hands. Sora gives him a spade, and with it he digs a small hole by Lenna’s plaque to fit the cat statue. 

When he’s done, he sets pink flowers down for Lenna, and purple ones for Faris.

Sora, Riku and Kairi stand behind him, staying quiet. He kneels in front of their graves, taking a short moment to meditate. Death isn’t the sort of thing that Keyblade wielders deal with often, although they are taught that it is a natural part of life that shouldn’t be hated. It isn’t darkness, despite the pain it causes. Despite that it can compel someone to abhor it. 

One day, the light of Master Eraqus would have faded anyway. Terra has always assumed that the three of them would create a small, private ceremony in the mountains to celebrate his life when it should happen. To leave his Keyblade resting on the top of a summit. But his death didn’t have to happen the way it did.

I hope the both of you lived happy lives, fulfilled in the way you wanted them to. I’m sorry for the pain he caused you. I swear, on this day and every day moving forward, I will undo what he has done. I will make amends for his existence.

Terra breathes and touches their plaques before getting up. On this location, the solitary house is seems closer. It sits by itself, and Terra notices now that some of the windows are boarded up and there are vines growing up along the outer walls. There is that nauseating feeling in his stomach again. 

“What can you guys tell me about that house?” He points to it.

“It’s one of the few urban legends around here,” Sora says, putting his arms behind his head. “Some of the people think it’s haunted.”

“Why is that?”

“No one has been able to get inside. They can’t break in, and they can’t unlock it.”

Riku crosses his arms and thinks for a second. “If I remember correctly, that house belonged to an old couple. They died a long, long time ago. The husband was involved in most of the investments that built the homes and buildings here. The wife I think was a nurse, maybe?”

A headache swells, and the roots of his hair sting. “It’s his. He grew up there.”

“No way!” Sora nearly throws himself forward. “We’ve got to check it out.”

Riku scoffs. “Of course his house would be creepy.”

The house has two stories, which is quite rare to see on the island. It is surrounded by a small, overgrown garden, contained by a barrier of coral rocks that are supposed to act like a fence. All of the windows on the first floor have wooden boards covering them. 

Riku approaches the front door, and attempts to turn the knob. It doesn’t open. He kicks it, and an invisible force blocks the attempt. He summons his Keyblade, but it doesn’t unlock it.

“I’m going to assume that the windows are going to be the same and save myself the trouble,” he says.

Kairi has her hands in a prayer stance in front of her. “But who would put a spell on this house?”

Riku’s fists are clenched together. “This implies that Xehanort has visited after he left. Maybe to seal off his old home... or for other things.”

They all hear an incredibly loud sigh. Sora is pouting, like a child in dire need of candy. “How are we going to open it then?”

The headache is more painful now, and Terra shivers for a bit. There is a slight disgust to knowing the kinds of information that are seamlessly appearing in his consciousness. Things he shouldn’t know, but are there.

“You just need the right key,” he says. He counts the rocks on the left side of the door. Seven of them. He lifts it, and under it is a simple house key. The perfect key to unlock this door.

Sunlight seeps through the cracks of the wooden boards covering the window, and Terra leaves the door open to allow more. The house is quaint, with plenty of decorative art and plates lining the pastel pink walls. In the center is a family-sized dining room table, covered in an off-white cloth. A pot of withered flowers sits in the middle. An upright piano is left alone next to a window that overlooks the ocean, and beyond that is a small kitchen, with some incredibly outdated appliances such as a fire stove. 

In all senses, it’s as though time has stopped in this house.

“That is definitely him,” Riku says.

On the far wall opposite the piano, alongside some shelves, are family photos. They are all sepia-toned, and every single one of them is a photo of Xehanort throughout his young life. As a baby. As a toddler. One of the bigger portraits is himself as a teen, his round eyes looking straight at the camera. It’s impossible to tell what he was thinking when it was taken.

Riku takes his time to study each photo. “So the stories I have heard about a kid who left this world has always been about him.”

Kairi grabs two thick photo albums from a shelf nearby and brings them to the table. “Looks like there’s more here.”

She gives the smaller one to Sora. He sifts through it while holding it close to him, looking bewildered.

“Here is one of him as a baby... can you just imagine Xehanort as a cute, chubby baby?” He shudders. “Look at this! Here is one of him laughing.”

Riku and Terra look over his shoulder. A picture of a teenage Xehanort laughing as he is facing someone that isn’t in the shot. The laugh seems genuine, his eyes squinting. Other pictures show him on a bicycle with classmates. At a birthday party. One shows him dressed nicely, his arm locked with a girl in a pretty dress, like he is taking a date to a school dance. Not a single one depicts him as any older.

“I wonder what he was laughing about,” Sora says.

I wonder if it was sincere.

“Oh guys, here are letters his mother wrote to him. This must have been after he left,” Kairi says, reaching the end of the photo album she’s looking through, where a short stack of handwritten letters have been tucked away.

Terra walks over to the piano as she reads through them, listening closely to a relic left behind by someone who no longer walks:

“My dearest son, I sincerely hope you retrieve this letter. I have sent several to you and I suppose that they haven’t reached you. I know your teacher has said that it was completely possible for us to keep in touch, and has given me the instructions to do so. I pray that you are safe and happy in your newfound school and residence. I miss the sound of you playing the piano very dearly. The emptiness and silence left behind by your absence is unbearable, but it helps to ease the pain when I remember that you are following your dreams. My beloved son, I would love to hear about what you are studying, if you have been making friends, and if you are having the adventures you deserve to have. I just want to hear your voice. I want to hold you in my arms. I want to see how handsome you have grown to be. Be safe, and I love you, Your worried mother.”

He hears her shuffling through more letters behind him as he eyes the keys on the piano, dusty from neglect.

“They’re all alike,” she says. “She’s been dying to hear from him.”

Riku clears his throat. “I think we should definitely visit our moms today.”

Terra strums some keys in succession, gently but confidently enough that there is no way anyone can tell he is a beginner at it. He continues to strum in higher octaves, practicing arpeggios - 

Arpeggios? I shouldn’t know that word.

“You play the piano?” Sora asks from behind him.

Terra turns quickly and rubs his fingers against his palm, his hand clammy. His head is pounding, and for a moment he nearly says yes.

“No, I don’t.” He rubs his palms against his pants, and a knowledge of musical theory starts to flood his mind. He has never studied music.

I’m not sure where I end and where he starts. If we’re exchanging information like this, does that mean that I’m being swallowed up by him?

“Then you must be a natural,” Sora says with a smile, not noticing his mood. “You know, I wonder if he still has stuff here, like in his room.” His eyes widen as he stares off into space. “Do you think he has a diary?”

Sora and Riku both stare intensely at each other, as though a golden idea has been blessed upon them. Sora drops the photo album, and races up the stairs, Riku and Kairi following behind.

Terra lingers for a moment by the piano, caressing his sweaty forehead.

I am in control. I’m in control.

He opens Tifa’s potion and takes a sip before walking up the stairs. 

The others are going room by room, but he knows where it is. It is to the right, slightly behind the opening to the stairs. It looks like a normal room for any kid, although the walls are completely blank. There is a bed, a closed closet, a bedside table, a desk for studying, and a dresser. The windows overlook the town ahead. On the dresser is a framed picture of Xehanort, with a couple of bundles of withered flowers.

“I wonder if his mom has been waiting for him to come home all this time,” Kairi says when she enters the room and sees the shrine set up for him.

Sora and Riku check through his desk and dresser, hoping to find some notes or a journal he may have written in. Kairi opens his closet.

“He really liked to dress fancy.” She sifts through vests, button-down shirts, jackets, and leather. She bends down to open up a bookbag, and takes out a texbook. She laughs and lifts it up to show the others. “Our school hasn’t updated any of the books for the last few decades, it seems.”

“Figures,” Sora says as he makes his way to the bedside table. He opens a drawer there and shuffles through it. Not finding anything, he closes it and moves over to where Riku is.

But he was so close. Terra opens that same drawer and moves his hand to feel directly under the surface. The journal is there, taped to the underside.

“You missed it.” He pulls a small, black leather journal and hands it over to Riku, who is closest to him.

Riku flips through some of the pages while Sora hops on top of the bed, and Kairi sits beside him. He reads a passage to himself, his eyebrows wrinkling up towards his crown.

“Sheesh. Listen to this: I grow tired of the mindless queries shared by my peers. I long to meet a worthy companion, anyone out there, that has the power to quench this horrid starvation for knowledge that I am burdened with. I need to leave this forsaken island...”

“I should give him a kick in the face for saying that about our island,” Sora says with a grin. “He’s the same, actually. No wonder he didn’t have any friends.”

“It’s not a wonder why,” Kairi says. She looks as though she has swallowed something disgusting. “Ugh, he had such an awful superiority complex.”

Sora laughs and then consciously changes the expression on his face, as though he is putting on a mask. He contorts his fingers and begins an act, like he is in a theatrical drama. “Denizens of light, answer this. Why do you hate the darkness?”

Riku snorts and lowers the diary. “Surrender. Bow to darkness. Only the darkness can offer to you all of the strength that you will need.”

It isn’t exactly comfortable hearing such words - they are too similar. But it’s true, he hasn’t changed at all. Terra deepens his voice so that it sounds a bit goofy. “Light and darkness, they are a balance - one that must always be maintained.”

“Is that how he justifies all of this?” Riku shakes his head. He flips through more pages of the journal. “They are already balanced. I thought he was smart.”

“Honestly, I don’t really understand what his primary goals were. Not even now.” Terra squeezes a fist and lets it go. No use getting angry, especially since the headache hasn’t faded.

Riku stops at a page and points to it. “The journal isn’t complete, but here’s the last entry: I’ve wondered for some time now whether there were other dimensions tucked away among the stars, hiding vast amounts of information that I want to grasp. These suspicions have been confirmed. A man from somewhere else visited the island today, accompanied by a boy. I came to him with all of my questions, and he said that I have the heart to serve a higher calling: to give others answers. I accepted his challenge.  The boy is inquisitive. Friendly, but quick to scrutinize, and comes from a long lineage of protectors. If he is to be my competitor, I believe I can manage and surpass him. My mother will surely resist, but never again will I return here...”

It feels as though Terra’s throat constricts. The air around him becomes thick and he finds it hard to breathe. A boy? The Master. This is a record of the first time they have ever met.

“And then he goes off to ruin everyone’s lives.” Terra fails to keep his tone calm, and the others are shocked by such anger.  He lowers his voice. “He had parents and a good home. He had a friend who adored him. And he took it all for granted.”

I’m being stupid. It’s not like he cares about what I think.

It’s too stuffy in that room. He waves his arm to dismiss the others’ concerns and briskly exits. 

Down the stairs, he stops by the open photo album Sora left behind. There is a family portrait depicting Xehanort as a child. His father stands behind him, also bearing darker skin and white hair. His mother sits by him and has her arm rested on his shoulder. Terra picks the album up, and studies it. Xehanort’s mother was very pretty, hair long and swept to the side, and it looks like she had her son young.

“He came home,” he says quietly before setting it down.

The high afternoon sun beats down on him outside, and he makes his way to some shade under a cluster of palm trees a few paces away from the house. They bear the star-shaped fruit that Aqua once talked about so long ago. He leans on one of them, and closes his eyes to focus on the fresh air that he’s breathing. 

He pulls out his Wayfinder, and meditates on his friends. His mind focuses on Ventus in particular - on all the ordinary days they spent together studying, playing pranks on Aqua, and sparring. As much as he cherishes his time with Aqua and as much as he wants to spend the rest of his waking life with her, the days where Ventus has entered their lives are still the best days. It’s not worth it without the three of them together. He’s sure that she would agree. 

Thinking about their separation is saddening, but it’s better than being in that house.

The others approach him as he’s daydreaming. Riku offers the suggestion to get some coconuts, since they’re all thirsty.

“That sounds delicious,” he replies.

“Okay, but I get to stay with Terra this time,” Sora says with a finger lifted up, as if to lecture them.

Riku mumbles just enough for only Terra to hear. “It’s like he’s a puppy around you.”

He and Kairi disappear through the trees, and Sora seems like he just can’t contain his excitement, like his smile is permanently plastered on his face.

Riku’s right. He is like a puppy.

“Let me ask you something, Sora. You can wield two Keyblades at the same time, right?”

“Yeah, but I don’t know where it comes from. It’s very temporary, and it comes when I need a burst of power. But it doesn’t always work.” Sora places a hand on his heart.

“What does that mean?”

“Sometimes...” His expressions just seem so solemn in comparison when he isn’t happy. “Sometimes it’s like things go dark when I call upon the second Keyblade. Maybe it’s because I need power to do it or it thinks I’m being selfish when I summon it. I don’t know. But it’s very tiring, anyway.”

Terra clenches his jaw. Perhaps it really is dangerous to use Xehanort’s Keyblade. Not that it’s a loss. He tells himself that he is fine with just his own.

Sora leans on one of the trees next to him, eyeing the Wayfinder in his hand. “It’s interesting that it’s the shape of a star,” he says.

Terra holds the Wayfinder higher so that the both of them can look at it. “Aqua made one for each of us after reading about this very island. She said that it symbolized an unbreakable connection, and cast magic on it so that we can always stay close. She said that they’re usually made of shells, and that they resemble the star-shaped fruit on this island.” 

“She’s very right about all of that.” Sora points upward to the star-shaped fruit above them. “The paopu fruit does represent an unbreakable connection, but it’s a bit more than that.”

“How so?”

“When you share a paopu fruit with someone, it’s supposed to be like a promise that you make with that person - that your destinies will always intertwine. So it’s like a promise that you’ll be connected in the future.” 

Terra eyes the fruit above, wishing to share one with Aqua. It’s as though Sora has read his mind.

“Would you like me to grab you one?” Sora already starts to climb the palm tree, as though he knows the answer is yes.

“Do you have to share one with only one person?”

Sora reaches the top and uses his ankles as grips to keep himself stable. “You mean that you’d share this with someone else who isn’t Aqua?”

Something about that tone seems to suggest that Sora knows, and it’s just the tiniest bit annoying. It’s like listening to Ventus tease him about her. “What are you getting at?”

“How about you stop answering my questions with questions?” Sora inspects one of the fruit and grabs it, a devious grin on his face.

Terra laughs silently. It feels like déja vu, where he and Ventus have this song and dance together every time she is brought up. “How about you mind your own business?”

“Well I think sharing this fruit with her is the perfect idea.”

“You continue about Aqua and I’ll knock you off that tree.” 

“You can try.” As though he’ll never fall from it. He leans down to hand Terra the fruit. Then he stretches his reach to grab another.

Terra holds his Wayfinder in his left hand and strokes it. He forgets in that moment that he’s separated from them. It must be a magical quality that Sora has.

However, Sora doesn’t have the grip on that tree that he thinks he has. He grabs the second fruit when he leans too far, and falls off the tree with a yell. He lands on his back, a paopu fruit in one hand and a palm leaf in the other - a failed attempt to break his fall.

“Sora!” Terra runs over and offers his right hand. “You okay?”

Sora groans loudly and grabs his hand. But it isn’t Sora anymore. 

Terra is holding Ventus’ hand, and it is Ventus’ voice that replies - that enters his consciousness and makes him realize the truth - as he smiles up at him.

“Thanks, Terra, for looking out for me.”

Terra freezes, shaking a little as he holds Ventus’ hand. It’s Ven. His little brother.

Ventus looks confused. Out of his mouth comes Sora’s voice: “Are you okay?”

He is holding Sora’s hand, who is still on the ground. They have been staring at each other for an undefined amount of time. Ventus has been this close to him this entire time.

Terra starts laughing hysterically, and pulls Sora up to him so they can hug. Sora is taller than Ventus, but he still has to bend down to embrace him. He continues to laugh, and Sora laughs in return.

“This is cool and all, but I’m not sure what this is about,” Sora says.

He cannot say anything - Xehanort will hear. But it’s fine, Ventus is safe. He’s in the safest place he can ever be without Terra or Aqua there to protect him.

“What’s going on here?” Riku’s voice comes from the trees. He and Kairi are each holding two open coconuts with straws inside.

“I don’t know,” Sora says, “but I like hugs.”

Terra lets go and wipes the tears from his eyes. “It’s just that Sora makes me happy.” He pauses for a moment. Ventus is okay. But being caught in such an emotional outburst is now awkward. “You all make me happy.”

He bends to hug Riku as well, who holds out the open coconuts further, so as not to spill them. “What are you doing?” he asks.

“I’m hugging you.” Several more chuckles escape Terra’s mouth.

“You’re such a sap.”

Kairi snaps a little. “Riku, he’s been through a lot. Everyone needs a hug every now and then.”

As if on cue, Terra hugs her as well. She smiles widely and returns it, careful not to spill the coconut water all over. Then she hands one to him. Terra sits in the shade, slightly unaware of his immediate surroundings. Laughing until his stomach hurts. 

Ventus is sleeping and his heart has been inside Sora this entire time. He has been worrying over what, exactly? All he needs now is to find Aqua, so they can find his body. Then they’ll be together again.

He hears Riku ask Sora, “What exactly happened?”

“I fell from that tree and he thought it was hilarious.”

Terra takes small sips of the coconut water. He can’t drink too much because he’s giggling too hard. The others sit by him and listen to him go on without interrupting. The breeze blows, and this day can be more amazing if only Aqua and Ventus are there, laughing alongside him.

Terra has most of his armor on, his helmet waiting patiently in his hands. They give him a sack to hold the two paopu fruit. The mid-afternoon sun is still shining hard, but soon Terra will bid farewell to it and fly off to Radiant Garden.

“I promised I would deliver a package to Traverse Town for them,” he tells Sora and Riku. Kairi has already said her good-byes and left to spend time with her adoptive family here.

The smile on Sora’s face slowly flips upside down. “That’s right. We have to be there tonight.”

Terra remembers being told that there is a terrible Heartless attack every two nights there. “You don’t want to go?”

Sora sighs. “There are lots of other worlds I should be visiting. Like Twilight Town for example. My friends there are scared because Heartless invasions haven’t stopped and they don’t have a military to protect them. And I have friends in lots of other worlds that need help, too.”

“You don’t have to go there tonight,” Riku says. “If Terra will be there, then we can handle it on our own.” His best friend insists, but Riku holds his hand up and cuts him off. “I’m positive we’ll be fine.”

Sora nods and fist-bumps with Terra. “Til next time.”

“It seems like this was time well-spent,” Riku tells Terra when they are alone. “I’m glad Sora made you laugh, you really needed it.”

It truly is like a heavy weight being released from his chest. The headache is gone. “He has a very special gift, I’ll say that. That’s why I want to ask you to keep him safe, in case I don’t make it. Keep him away from me if I get dangerous.”

“You’ll make it.” Riku sounds quieter than normal. It’s probably be that he, too, is worried about that. It’s probably that he wants to be admired by Terra as well.

Terra holds his successor’s shoulder and gently squeezes it. “I’m very proud I chose you.”

Riku doesn’t meet his gaze, but he smiles. “I’ll see you tonight.”

Terra’s Keyblade transforms into his glider. Relaxed and ready to tackle his current responsibilities, he almost feels normal. Like he is going on a mission on any other typical day. 

This is the first time since waking up that getting his family back seems possible for him. He flies outward, leaving behind that tiny island - that small safe haven, that small blessing - alone and amid such a large, empty ocean.

[diana-panda]

wow I can’t even remember the last time I logged onto Tumblr. This place used to be my life, I even had to reset my password to log back on here. i’m amazed that I still have followers. looking at things I used to blog about is so bittersweet, I legitimately feel the things I felt back in the days. shit was really changed since then. been broken over and over and having to grow bigger and bigger. I decided every few years I'll make a  post, a lil update of my life so I can  continue to self reflect on the shit I wanna change. considering I know absolutely none of my followers, this is the perf place for me to just unload a bunch sack load of shit. covid was crazy this year, survived that shit and realize all those years smoking have really fucked my lungs up. today I got another call from Dahni, who I still consider as my best friend forever. one day when we both got our shit together and both thinking straight again, I know we’ll be able to be friends like we used to. I never pick up to phone numbers I don’t know but every fuckin time I randomly choose to pick up to a rando number - it’s Dahni. this is the 5th time she has called me from a mental hospital. it’s crazy, never thought my life would have be me working in a mental hospital and her coming in and out of one. after all these years, you’ve probs haven’t seen her in 3 years - but she has never ever forgot your phone number, even when she has completely lost her mind. she literally doesn't make sense when she talks. at the beginning, you sometimes understood the shit she said and understood what she meant and felt because you were that fuckin close to losing your whole damn mind before you decided to get sober. still so proud of you choosing to be sober, even after probation, even after drug tests. Dahni still remembers your literal exact address. she said she’s been sending you letters for the past 2-3 years but you haven’t seen shit, especially because you moved to Milwaukee this year. you texted daddy but he said he ain’t seen shit, probs lying, he would hide this shit from you. he always hated her but he doesn’t understand that it was actually you who got her into drugs in the first place. I pray all the time Dahni has completely lost herself or she’ll be able to return to herself again, I miss having my best friend around. after the call, you looked at oldddd ass pics like 2015 shit, yall were the craziest - up and just went to alberqueque, breaking into hotels and creating body slides out of tables and chairs in the ballroom, tripping at the trail of lights and deciding to just walk towards the Austin skyline, there were so many pics I don’t even know where we’re at. I miss that life with you dude, not giving two shits about anything and doing whatever we could to just live life. you were the one person I connect with in such a weird way. anyway 2020 was the year I had to finally grow up, and I can’t be more proud. the reason I got sober was because I was drugged then gang raped in 2016, but I have finally accepted that it happened and I am finally moving past it. your ptsd and anxiety was debilitating. months of therapy with no progress, Janet your psychologist thought the best option was drugs to calm you down but you refused, mommy had to move down to San Antonio with you, you got daddy to install security cameras around the house, you went to 3 different police stations and 2 different apple stores because you thought you were being tracked, a panic attack literally every fuckin day, you got your first gun - but damn shit has changed. I think when you got rogue, that was the start of your life changing around. you used to walk her literally only on your street but now you can walk her for hours anywhere. you got control of your own life again. texas sunshines helped you tremendously, you met a few life long friends - even though you made some besties but ended up losing them - either way, they helped you return back to your old self, the free spirit and careless golden wild beautiful soul you had. exposure therapy - that shit works. going to 6th every weekend, even a couple times a weekend helped you a lot. you had only a couple freak outs where you let your anxiety take over you but there was progress. you have grown so much the past 4 years, it’s honestly mind blowing because you used to be at rock bottom. you legit lost your mind at one point, legit rock bottom, even hearing voices and seeing shit, Janet said drug induced psychosis - but your resiliency and strong heart and soul helped you, with the help of god of course. you were in such a dark place but getting through that helped you be where you are now. but none of this could've happened without the help of your parents - they taught you the definition of unconditional love. maybe that’s why Dahni is still battling this love and hate relationship with drugs - she doesn’t have this support system like you. your parents never gave up on you dude, like how am I ever gonna repay them, because if it wasn’t for them - I'd literally be dead long ago. you still have only told a few of your close friends. Dahni and Mikayla a year after it happened. kiara, erin, and Gracie 3 years after it happened. maybe that’s all that ever has to know. this shit don’t define your life anymore girl. it sucked but you have let that shit take enough of your life. no more living in the past. you live and you learn. stop thinking of ways how you’ll somehow find these fuckers and make them pay, they’ll get what’s coming to them. I used to pray everyday these fuckers got killed and died a horrible and painful death but you’re letting them win every time you waste a second thinking about them. just be thankful you got out of that shit alive. you have this deep rooted reputation of a party girl. but never forget, daddy defended you when yall had guests over once - “yes she parties a lot, but she also studies hard too.” you’re legit a UT grad, you got into grad school - which you are killing. you’ve never been a straight A student but now you are in grad school whaaat. but you know if you studied this much and this hard during UT - you would’ve had a higher gpa, but no regrets. ever!! my time at UT was truly a blessing - it was the best time and worst time ever. that was boot camp training you to be resilient. you used to think you were being punished for having to move to Milwaukee for grad school but that was the biggest blessing in disguise. Jim howard was right, even if I did get accepted into UT’s msn program - I shouldn’t go or stay anywhere near Austin, I have too many distractions here, I would’ve failed out immediately - I need to start thinking like a healthcare provider, people’s literal lives will be in your hands. you can’t kill no one dude, losing your license will actually be the end of yo life and all this school and bullshit would’ve been for nothing. Milwaukee was rough at the beginning but you’ve grown to fall in love and appreciate its true beauty. you needed a break from Austin, it’ll always be your endgame and it aint going anywhere. you got to start over, start fresh, grow up, it was exactly what you needed. Milwaukee was the place where you defeated your ptsd, your annoying anxiety - I mean yeah sometimes you do psych yourself out but you have made the craziest progress, even Janet is so surprised and proud of you! you fuckin live alone and do a damn good job of it. but it wouldn’t have happened without Lola. rogue saved you 4 years ago and now Lola has saved you. they are both fuckin wild and misbehaving, but I am sooooo thankful I have them in my life. god put the most perfect dogs into my life, they helped you be where you’re at today. you even made a fuckin solo trip with just you and Lola from Milwaukee to Austin, stayed in Memphis with just yall 2 and literally no panic attacks. never thought that would have ever been possible. lol having your gun around definitely helps. this year you realized that you used to be fat, how come no one told you omg. but that doesn’t matter because you have finally reached the weight you had on your vision board that you made in high school - 105. you got home from grad school and literally every single fuckin person in your life has said you lost so much weight - girl you didn’t even know it, you don’t got a scale in Milwaukee. but looking at past pics, holy shit girl you lost weight. you still got some to go but good job dude - don’t ever let yourself get that bad again. your new goal is to be 100, then you can stop stressing. lol you’ve been trying to lose weight literally since high school, and all it took was grad school and being depressed AFFFFFFFFF to lose 20 fuckin pounds! with the help of addy too. yeah you were depressed, started in the 2nd semester of grad school and was at its worse at in the 3rd semester. but you yourself, and Lola of course, pulled yourself out of that. you walked to the beach, appreciate the scenery, focus on the sound waves - learn to love life again. you’ve changed so much dude, I feel like you’ve finally lost all of your old self now. quarantining for covid made you finally truly clean your room and rearrange it. took the biggest cleanse of your life, and damn it was a struggle because you the biggest hoarder out here. you found your old pieces, crazy how you still got them, you found old pills, even weed - proud of you for throwing everything away finally, and real quick. because you did think about smoking some and pop a pill or two - what’s the worst thing that can happen right. bitch you know what can happen, normal people can do that but you have forever fucked your mind up, like physically and biologically fucked up your brain. the way drugs works on your brain and Dahni’s brain only has a dark side to it - drug induced psychosis - every time, no matter what or when or how long it’s been, you have forever fucked that up. yall dropped the ball on that shit, yall did it too much, esp the mind altering shit and will never be able to enjoy drugs again - but that’s okay. you don’t need that shit. okay for guys, fuckin listen to me here girl. we ain’t going into zayne or Terren - yo first 2 boyfriends was just dipping yo feet in the waters for dating. you already know what you learned from them. you know what you want and don’t you ever fuckin settle.”life is a mess when you settle for less.” I loved Arin, and I'll always love him. your dumbass almost married him but why, knowing he does not meet half yo standards. from Arin, you learned you want someone that treats you like a princess like he did, he always showed you off, he put you on a pedestal, you were legit his everything - you want someone that does that, where you are their everything. but you don’t want someone who gets angry like that, who lets problems get bigger and bigger til they explode - shit needs to be fixed immediately, if your their everything - shouldn’t they do everything in their power to make sure it stays like that. from josh, you learned you want someone who you can be your goofy self and have fun and literally laugh all the damn time with you - it was such a fun time with josh, yall really did have this amazing connection. he truly loved you and honestly truly loved you. I loved josh, and I'll always love him too. he was the first relationship you had after getting raped, and he showed you how to trust men again. these 2 dudes lacked goals and had different visions for the future from you. you’re such a goal oriented and family oriented person - they were not. you worked hard to get to where you are today, and continue to drop the guys and the people who will get in the way of your goals. friends too - if they ain’t with you, drop em. in the end, it’s your family who will always be there for you. lol you truly treat guys like shit dude and everyone knows it, you don’t even feel bad about it, maybe it’s from being raped, maybe it’s from that ginormous wall you’ve built, or maybe you’re just that afraid of getting hurt, but that’s okay, you can keep doing that, it’ll get rid of the weak ones - what you can’t do is treat the good ones like shit, like tai. you never expected to find a dude so different, but maybe that’s what you need. he’s the exact opposite of the typical guys you usually go for - a fuckin gamer, not 6 feet, lol even asian. you didn’t date tai but yall definitely had something for 6 months. he has never done drugs and doesn’t want to even try drugs - I didn’t know that was maybe something I needed in a guy. from tai, you learned that you do want someone who went to college, grad school is even better, super caring about you. at one point you did think he was going to be the one - he speaks Vietnamese, he’s in pharmacy school, he can game with your brother. he may seem perfect but you learned a lot of shit you don’t want in someone. you’re not on social media a lot anymore, other than snapchat. you even had insta deleted for months - then when school ended for winter break, it took you awhile to download insta again, but when you did, you made one post and never got on it again. tai is super in the social media world, and you don’t want that. you’re starting to be someone who really lives in the moment, the shit happening right in front of you matters to you more, you don’t want someone super into the social media world. he doesn’t treat you like you’re a priority to him, he actually makes it clear that he actually doesn’t give two shits about you - so why you allowing yourself putting any efforts into that. the second he’s upset, he’ll drag that shit out and won’t try to fix shit at all - you need someone who will fix shit right then and there so yall don’t go to sleep at night angry, you need someone who will fight and continue fighting for you no matter what. he doesn’t apologize for shit and when he does, there is always an excuse - you need someone who owns up to shit and apologizes sincerely. you deserve someone who truly cares about you and is committed to you, they need to do anything in their power to keep you and show you love you and not give up on you. you did not get gang raped to settle down for someone who doesn’t make you feel loved. you did not graduate from UT and get into grad school for someone who causes you mental stress and make you unhappy. you did not grow into this strong, independent, brilliant ass woman to date someone who makes you question your worth. you deserve someone who continuously challenges you to be your best self and make you feel beautiful. cami said you deserve someone who spoils you, and she is damn fuckin right. you have come so far, getting sober, getting into grad school, someone needs to feel lucky as fuck they have you. but what’s the common denominator between all these dudes - quit pushing guys away, quit purposely ruining shit because you’re scared of shit, quit getting pissed because they don’t react the way you wanted, quit overthinking shit because you’re usually fuckin wrong. just don’t settle for less but allow yourself to get close. your trust issues ain't going anywhere, but learn to put your guard down a tad bit, let yourself get hurt - it’ll only make you into a stronger bitch than you already are. nothing will ever hurt you nearly as much when you got raped. if you got through that, you can literally get through anything. a lot has happened in the last 4 years, but you know what you need to focus on. continue working on your best self. keep thriving and surviving. maybe we’ll self reflect and reorient again when grad school is over in a couple years and you’re back in Austin. just be happy <3 do your best and fuck the rest

[ask-will-and-nico]

OMG!!!a fic where Nico and Will grew up bestfriend's and when they're I don't know.....15/16 one of them admits they've had a crush on the other since they were 10!?!!!

sure

Nico wished his heart would stop making him feel like he hadjust run a marathon. Honestly, he had only been sitting with Will for a fewminutes. Why did his cheeks feel hot and his hands sweat like it was a hundreddegrees outside? It was a nice day and Will and Nico were just sitting next toeach other, watching the young kids play outside in the street. Will’s presencewas nice and comforting and Nico felt relaxed with Will next him. He felt calmwith himself, and more importantly, with his surroundings.

So why was his heart pounding a million miles an hour?

Nico di Angelo had known Will Solace since they were young. Tooyoung for him to really remember ever meeting Will, he had always just…beenthere. He could have been in the house right next door to Nico, or he couldhave moved their when they were both still too young to remember such trivialthings. For Nico, none of it mattered. Will was a steadfast presence in Nico’s lifeand nothing was going to change that. At least, as long as Nico didn’t let hisemotions get the best of him. And he got accepted into the same college as Will.Not that he would be applying exclusively for Will.

Whatever all those gibberish feelings were, all they wereaccomplishing was muddling Nico’s brain and making it hard to sit still next toWill. No, it would be best if Nico just pushed them all aside and focused onthe summer he and Will had sitting in front of them. Will had baseball and Nicohad track, but they both already promised to attend each other’s games. There wasn’tmuch that could split up Nico di Angelo and Will Solace.

Except, maybe, whatever Nico’s developing feelings meant.

-“I guess, what I’m trying to say is, I’m in love with you, Nico.” Will twistedhis hands in front of him, wringing them out before letting them fall slack athis sides. Nico took a moment to try and process what, exactly, it was that Willwas saying. (Even though it was rather bluntly obvious.) “I understand if you don’tfeel the same way.” Has Nico’s heart always been beating this fast? Was thiseven safe?

It took Nico a while to comprehend Will’s rather boldstatement. It was the declaration of love that Nico had been pushing backagainst for so long, he forgot when it had even settled in him. Perhaps it hadalways been there, and it had simply grown as Nico did, and he was too youngand innocent to understand it until now.

At any rate, Will was standing in front of him, shifting hisweight from foot to foot nervously. Nico had nearly forgotten that he waswaiting to gauge Nico’s reaction. No doubt he was waiting to see if he had justruined their friendship. No doubt he held the same fears that Nico had for solong.

“I,” Nico had always been the master of eloquence. “I’msorry,” he saw Will’s face fall, and he was quick to finish his sentence. “I’msorry, I just didn’t ever expect this. You’ve always been so, well, you, and I’vealways been, well, me. I didn’t think that there would ever be a chance forthere to be a, well, us.” Will lookedlike he was trying to solve a complicated math problem, tilting his head to theside, and Nico huffed.

Always a man of doing, Nico pulled Will towards him,crashing their lips together. Nico had always been so much better with actionsthen with words. Still, his heart beat a million miles an hour.

I fought Satan to write today

[myhyyh]

To You | Chapter. 1

Ship: reader x Jungkook

Genre: romance, fantasy, school-life, smut, angst, fluff

Word Count: 5,428

You're the new girl in town. With a grieving past and uncertain future, your days repeat and trail on into the unknown. Love. Lust. Betrayal? You're soon to discover the city holds more than you imagined.

A/N: hello : ) I'm so excited to be sharing my first fanfic with you guys. it is a working process so I can’t exactly say how many parts are to come, though I am planning to drag this one out so sit tight andijustwanttoapologiseinadvanceforanyemotionaldistressthiscausesyoubyenow ^^

Hey. It’s me. It’s been a while… I messed up huh?

-

It’s mid-June, the train doors finally opened after what felt like a journey that would never end, the summer breeze instantly consuming me, but it wasn't the type I was used it. It wasn't like back home, in the countryside where the air was fresh and untainted. Here, it was thick and humid, filled with the scent of newly embedded cement and some other smell that screamed pollution, that’s the city for you; Seoul city.

The past few weeks, months, had been tough on me. At age 17 I was forced to bury my own parents, all by myself. “Huh,” I thought to myself. Almost a year has gone by, yet I’m still stuck in that moment. The pain in my chest as the nurse told me I was left alone in this world, that the only people in my life were now gone, forever. “Huh” I laughed out loud this time. It’s funny how 214 days can feel like a single moment that I’m still lingering in. I feel people shoving past me as they hurry off the train and I realized I’d been standing in everyone's' way, wallowing in my own feelings again.

Ever since the accident, I’d been living with my grandma, both mourning the death of my parents and relying on each other because… well, we're all each other had. I’d begged her to let me stay living with her but she insisted I move to the city that’s ‘full of opportunities’ and get a break from all this. She hated the way it all affected me, how it left me empty, my soul rotting. I hated it too, so giving in wasn't that hard in the end. Maybe a new start was just what I needed?

I had my own place here, but it wasn't anything fancy, just a typical one bedroom rooftop apartment. I could’ve afforded better but couldn't bring myself to ask grandma for too much. A part of me felt I was burdening her enough as it was. I know it's nothing like that but my own conscious wouldn't allow me to take more than I needed. I figured I'd get a part-time job to make ends meet while I attended my last year of high school here. Besides, from now on I'd need to learn how to depend on myself.

I took my time making my way to my new home, taking in my surroundings to familiarize myself. The last thing I wanted was to get lost in this big city. Coffee shop, hair salon, coffee shop, restaurant, convenient store, coffee shop, coffee shop. I internally cringed at how industrialized this place was. I knew from the start that I wouldn't like it but I also knew it didn't hurt to try either and walked into one of the many coffee shops.

The atmosphere was surprisingly calming. It was the combination of the lighting, interior decor and the smell of fresh brewing coffee in the air that allowed my nerves to simmer down for the first time all day. I managed to order something off the menu, some new special, not entirely knowing what it consisted of. I took my drink and looked for somewhere quiet to sit and rest my mind. ‘I made it,’ I thought to myself, but I knew the real journey had only just begun.

-

It’s been a couple of weeks now and I seem to have somewhat adjusted to my new life here. I even made a friend, Mina. She goes to the same school as me, School of Performing Arts Seoul, and I’m kinda grateful to her that I wouldn't be entirely alone when the year started. I met her at the park one day, her dog decided to run off and pee on me. Repeated apologies and bows turned into fits of laughter and, well, the rest is history.

It’s 8:46 pm, I hear a knock on the door that turns into a full on banging and I could tell who it was. Mina. She was coming over to pick me up for a ‘wild night out’. School was starting soon and she’s been meaning to introduce me to some of our classmates. I swung the door open with a disapproving "really” look on my face. “Do you have to do that every time?” I whined. “Yes, yes I do.” she plainly stated, passing by and plopping down on the sofa. “Well, you're late” “Oh relax! We have plenty of time before the club even starts to get lit, you don't wanna be early, surrounded by all those creepers again do you?” We both shivered in disgust at the thought of what happened the last time I urged Mina to ‘not be late’ to a club. “You're right.” I surrendered and headed back into the bedroom to finish putting my look together. “OMG Y/N, you won’t believe who’s coming today!” Mina practically screamed. “Umm let me guess.. the infamous super hot senior graduate you won't ever shut up about?!” I returned her energy with my own enthusiastic sarcasm. “Aaaahh!! I haven't seen Taehyung since he graduated back in May. He’ll be starting university in fall so I gotta win him over before all the uni thots hop on him.” she declared. “Easy tiger, you don't wanna scare him off do you?” “I mean, come on, it's about time. I’m a senior now and in the book that practically puts me on the same level as a uni freshmen, duh.” “What book?” I couldn’t help but laugh at how ridiculous she sounded. “Y/N focus, I’m on a mission tonight and I could use some moral support.” She popped her head in the bedroom to throw me a pout but it quickly diminished into an ‘O’ shape when she saw me. I wore a two-piece black lacy bralette and pencil skirt that stopped just at the top of my thighs, with a pair of thigh-high laced boots to finish the look. I may have not grown up in the city but fashion trends never failed to reach me. I didn't notice Mina gawking as I decided on a choker in the mirror when I heard her scream out, “SLAY BITCHH!” That got my attention. “How do I look?” I did a quick spin for her, letting her see every angle of me. “Ok. I almost dropped Tae for you.. fuck Y/N!” “Ugh shut up.” 9:04 pm. I threw my hair back over one of my shoulders and tucked it behind my ear, grabbed my black fur jacket and clutch and met Mina at the front door with a mental note.

Let's make this a night to remember.

-

The club was well hidden and kinda hard to find. At some point I just grabbed hold of Mina’s hand and let her lead the way, clearly, it wasn't her first time. She’d pretty much taken me to every club in Seoul apart from this one, Paragon. Apparently, the thing about this club was that it only opened for special events or when someone rented it out for personal use? Either way, it was pretty expensive, which got me wondering what could be so special about it? ‘As long as it’s not EDM’ was my motto so I pushed all pressing enquiries to the back of my mind. We got inside and I couldn't help but notice how friendly Mina was with the bouncers. She conversed with them for a while, and I let my eyes wonder around. The only thing between me and the club was a set of large gold lion embroidered doors with a bouncer on each side, yet the sound of the music was still so vivid. The beat was roaring and I could already feel it pulsating in my chest. It consumed me and left me urging to discover what was on the other side. I was broken from my trance by the sound of girls shrieking behind me at the entrance. 

“This isn't a place for kids, now go home”, one of the bouncers commanded. “Please! I just wanna see oppa please, please, please!” I turned around to a pair of actual kids pleading their way into a club.. why was I not surprised? Their attire made it so obvious that they were underage. Body-cons that looked over-sized on their premature bodies, over exaggerated heels that kept them stumbling, and don't even get me started on their make-up. “Mess”, Mina chuckled, grabbing my arm and guiding me forward into the unknown.

To my surprise, I was greeted by the ultimate form of luxurious nightlife, surrounded by raw crypt, lavished with sumptuous leathers and burnished copper, the club radiated an invigorating atmosphere. I looked around the space, taking in a range of differently designed rooms, each with their own special feature, achieving a unique environment out of the mix between past, present, and future. Original elements, such as dark stone, architraves and coving contrasted with modern, custom designed furniture, brushed and polished copper steel finishes and natural colors. The light design pleaded for an exceptional visual experience. Through it’s minimalist elegance and simplicity, I felt stimulated, a sense of exuberance. The creation blending intimacy and community, function and fantasy, art and design, resonating as one in this modern definition of luxury. For a moment I questioned myself if this was a place I was worthy of.

I felt Mina brush her cheek against mine, rushing something about going to get us drinks and I was pulled out of my trance. I watched her disappear into the crowd of people and contemplated whether it was a bad idea not going with her as I was now faced to stand awkwardly alone, in a place I felt I didn't fit into. I mentally shook my head, reminding myself that moving here meant I could start fresh. I was being ridiculous. No one knew me yet, apart from Mina, and seeing as I was going to meet my classmates and ‘potential' friends soon, now was not the time to be consumed in my introverted ways. Pep talk over, I forced my attention back to my surroundings. I looked around, trying to find some place or group that I could blend into. I couldn't help but notice how incredibly good looking everybody was. Seriously, it was like a room full of God’s best creations. A sudden nerve of panic washed over me like I was being watched. I tried to calmly look around for the source but my eyes moved frantically and I could feel myself caving under the pressure. I ventured out to search for Mina, pushing the pair of eyes on me to the back of my mind, if they wouldn’t disappear, I would.

My eyes finally fell on Mina and I willed my body to move in. I watched her deep in conversation with several figures. For a moment, I stopped, stunned by more than just their beauty. Their auras synchronized in emitting ethereal energy. I couldn't quite process it and found myself at loss for words. Something about them was so inviting, so nostalgic.. it kinda reminded me of my parents. Mina’s eyes found mine from across the circle, “Y/N, there you are, come here!” I stepped into them, instantly regretting it as I felt my anxiety almost reaching it’s breaking point now that all eyes were on me. I opted to calm my nerves by focusing on a familiar face and glued my eyes to Mina. I noticed her arm interlocked with a tall, beautiful man, and when she caught my eyes drift to him, she took initiative to introduce us.

“Y/N, this is Taehyung, Taehyung, Y/N.” I could see the excitement dancing in her eyes as she presented her infamous crush, and everybody else fell back into the current of conversation around us. “Y/N just moved here this summer alone and she’ll be attending senior year with me at SOPA.” She finished, causing Taehyung to narrow his eyes on me. “Alone?” he asked, his face reading curiosity. “Yeah, my um.. my parents..’ I instantly dropped my head and began to fidget with my fingertips under the pressure of realizing what hole I just dug myself into, “they died a few months ago so... here I am! alone..” I tried to finish enthusiastically but it all just came out so awkward. I didn't want to ruin the mood, but I realized too late that that is exactly what I had done. “My condolences, Y/N.” He threw me a reassuring smile, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. I wasn't in the mood for another ‘sob story’ moment so I stirred the conversation into a different direction. “I heard you just graduated, so I guess I won’t be seeing you at school this fall.” “Taehyung got accepted into Seoul Institute of Arts, isn't that amazing!” I watched Taehyung blush under Mina’s compliment. “Wow, congratulations.” “Thanks, Y/N.” He turned his head to the side and stared down at Mina, slowly placing a kiss on her forehead. Such an endearing moment. I wondered why they weren’t official yet. “Besides, it’s not like we’d get to see him often anyways.” Mina accused jokingly, pouting her bottom lip out. “Hey, that’s not fair!” Taehyung whined, “I've just been busy touring, you know that.” “You’re an artist?” I interrupted. “Yes! I’m in a group called BTS, we’re not that popular yet, but we’re gaining recognition by being on the road all the time.” He finished, throwing Mina a pitiful look I presume she’s all too familiar with. “Psht, look at you humbling yourself,” she faced directly at me this time, “they’re mad popular here in south ko, but they're trying to go international.” She finished dramatically, rolling her eyes as if Taehyung’s career goal was the only thing getting in between their ‘relationship’. “That’s really cool, I’d love to see you perform sometime.” “Well..” he began, his voice thinning out into a light chuckle as he collected his thoughts, “you see, we were supposed to perform the title song of our new album, Blood, Sweat & Tears, here tonight, but my members got kinda excited and.. shitfaced” he finished with a nervous smile. “Wait, you're all here?” His words spiked up a new curiosity in me. “Well duh, the whole point of this party is to celebrate their new album, of course all the members would be here, Y/N, didn't I tell you?” She asked but I knew she wasn't actually waiting for a response as all of her attention was devoted to Taehyung, she stared up at him as if he was the center of the universe. Her eyes mesmerized, her lips twisting into a beckoning smirk, pleading his to come crashing down into them. She was under his spell. “No, I think you forgot to mention that, Mina” I seethed at her through clenched teeth and a fake smile. “Oops” was all her brain could process. “I would introduce you but... I can’t seem to find them..” he trailed off, looking around the club, over everyone’s head, desperately searching for at least one member. It was almost effortless and for the first time, I realized how tall he was. “It’s ok,” I chuckled at his effort and decided to give him a rest, “another time?” “Of course!”

A tap on his shoulder stole his attention. After conversing with a man for several seconds he turned back around to face us. “It seems like they need me backstage.” He said, his face flashing a mix of concern and embarrassment. “What’s wrong?” Mina asked. “Apparently Hoseok hyung is planning a one-man-show.. in the nude..” He watched both me and Mina’s mouths turn into ‘O’s before continuing, “I better go help stop him before he ruins our career.” He turned around to leave, placing a kiss on top of Mina’s head and nodding a quick goodbye to me before disappearing with the man, who I now came to realize must’ve been a crew member by the way he was dressed, in all black with a mic headpiece shaping his face.

“Everyone here is so damn beautiful, I’m starting to find it weird.” I voiced out loud this time. Finally being alone with Mina, I was able to drop all barriers, I always found it easy to be myself around her. Ever since the big move, I’ve been cautious about the way I should act. I didn't want to stand out as the ‘country girl’, and even though I was perfectly proud to be where I was from, attention wasn't really my thing. After meeting Mina, I started to get a feel for how the people here behaved, thought and saw things. I figured I’d take a few tips from her to help me blend in more, but I loved being able to me unapologetically myself around her. “Well, what else do you expect from celebrities?” She sighed, confused at my question. “Celebrities?Everyone here is??” Why was I only finding this out now? “Not everyone, most of the people here are students at our school and the rest are famous graduates, the celebs-to-be, and the actual celebs.” She finished casually, and I was reminded again how uninformed I was about tonight. “Woah.” Was all I could manage. “Yep, I guess you could say this is where two worlds meet,” she said, looking around the room as if there was some physical divide, “but at least we all have something in common.” She smiled widely. “And what’s that?” “We’re all-“ A sudden arm around her neck cut her off mid-sentence.

“Come on now Mina, how are you gonna bring a new friend to my party and not even introduce me, you know better than that.” The blonde haired boy chided. He had thick hair that was unkempt. He ran his fingers through it slowly, moving it from his forehead and leaving little fly-aways that fell endearingly; revealing clear dark eyes, a color almost indefinable. They reminded me of the autumn leaves, a dark brown at first; but the closer he got the brighter they appeared. Suddenly they were chestnut with slight orange undertones. A straight nose and perfectly full, but masculine lips completed his face. I could hardly think as I stared stunned and bemused into his eyes, eyes that were staring right back into mine. I figured he was a part of BTS by the reference of ‘my party’ and turned to Mina for elaboration. “This, very drunk boy,” she scolded him, “is Jimin, he's a vocalist in Tae’s group” “It’s nice to meet you, very drunk boy.” I teased, which earned the most endearing eye smile from him, making my heart jump. “The pleasure is all mine.” He lifted my hand up, bringing it to his mouth and placing a kiss on my knuckles. It took me every bone in my body to hold my composure, but when my cheeks involuntarily flushed red, he’d gotten the reaction he was hoping for, as if getting even for the smile and slowly brought our hands down, but he didn't let go.

“Did you graduate too?” I tried to change the subject to lessen the heat rushing through my cheeks, my finger tips burning under his touch as he played with them. He just threw his head down and laughed nervously, and when Mina did the same I felt awkward between their inside joke that I was, apparently, missing the point of. “Well, Jiminie over here was supposed to graduate with Tae last May,” she overemphasized ‘supposed’, narrowing her eyes at Jimin, making him look the other way, “but he's not very gifted when it come to, um, school. So now he gets to repeat senior year with us, yay!” She finished laughing in his face, making the irritation in his eyes grow. “But he’s the best when it comes to dancing.” She quickly added, seeing the pain on his face and hoping to diminish the shade she threw at him. “What can I say, I’m a master with my body.” He whispered at me under hooded, hungry eyes and I had to wonder whether it was actually him or the alcohol talking. “I’m sure you are.” The words stumbled out as I cowered under his gaze, almost giving up on whatever composure I had left.

“Alright, Jimin, I think that’s enough teasing now.” A soft, sweet voice came out from behind him. A fragile-looking girl with vibrant, red, wavy hair. She look like something straight out of an anime, with bright brown eyes and clear, pale skin. “Hi, I’m Yeri.” She took the liberty to introduce herself, gently retracting my hand from Jimin’s and holding it in her own, whilst throwing him a cheeky irritated look. He returned it with his own version of irritation, upset that she’d broken our contact. “Hello, I’m- “Y/N!” She finished for me, and I narrowed my eyes at her. How did she know my name? Her face flashed a look that read ‘uh oh’ and she opened her mouth to explain, but nothing came out. After several nervous glances between the three of them, she continued. “Erm... Taehyung told me.” She laughed nervously, but something in me didn't believe her. “Way to go, Ri.” Jimin called her out, whispering very close to her ear as if I wasn’t supposed to hear him. “Yeah, hyung told us all about the ‘new girl’.” Another boy joined the conversation, throwing darts at Yeri, who was now grinning sheepishly at her mistake. “I see,” I stated flatly, clearly remembering Taehyung heading in the complete opposite direction from where they came from. “Mark.” He extended his hand out to me and I shook it subconsciously, too focused on how tall and pretty he was to properly reciprocate the gesture. “Y/N.” I said, instantly regretting it as he added, “I think we’ve already established that.” He laughed and I snapped back to reality. “Mark and Yeri are both sophomores at SOPA,” Mina moved from next to Jimin to beside Mark, “which means that this little rascal is younger than you, so you don't have to take any of his bs, ok.” She ended, roughly patting his head, although he was a whole foot taller than her, and he just let her. They looked like siblings in the moment. “Yeah, we get that a lot.” Mark sighed, his eyes growing the instant he finished talking as Mina pulled his hair to shut him up. “Get what?” Now I was seriously confused.

We all stood in silence for a few moments before the lights dimmed out in the club. A single spotlight hit the stage and Taehyung emerged from the left wing and took his place at the center. For a moment, I fully expected that Hoseok guy to run out and flash everyone. “Hello everybody, I’m V from BTS.” “V?” I whispered to Mina, who just rolled her eyes. “Stage name.” It seemed like she wasn't fond of it. “I would like to thank everyone for coming out tonight to celebrate our new album, Wings, with us. As you’ve probably already noticed, I’m the only one on stage.” After gaining the light laughter reaction he was looking for, he continued. “Long story short, the boys saw alcohol and I haven’t seen them since.” The crowd erupted into laughter this time at his distress. “I know you guys are listening right now, somewhere, so I just wanna quickly tell you.. you guys suck!” “I love you, too!” Jimin yelled back, earning a scowl from Taehyung in our direction. ‘Swag’ came from somewhere in the crowd, causing another wave of laughter and Taehyung to drop his head. “Yoongi..” Jimin chuckled, looking genuinely amused.

“Anyway. This time we decided writing each song together doesn't reflect the exact personal taste of each member, so instead, we each have our own completely separate songs. This way, we get to explore our own individual styles, incorporating them into our own stories.” He spoke clearly, accentuating every word with his deep, soothing voice and I realized I’d been put under his spell, along with the rest of the crowd. “We all contributed to the writing and producing our solo songs, and, in my personal, humble opinion, “ he began with mischief written all over his face, “the Neo-Soul song, Stigma, is the best.” He finished proudly, earning a round of applause. That must’ve been his song. “Now, I know you were promised a performance but since the members ruined our surprise,” he pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, who knew he could be such an actor, “due to the fact that they are.. how do I put this nicely? conceited, careless, crazy bastards who can’t control themselves,” my mouth dropped open, “we’ve agreed that the DJ will play our entire album tonight as an apology.” With that, the first song began and the crowd went wild.

“Let’s go!” Yeri yelled, pulling Mark along with her to the dance floor. Taehyung came down from the stage, beckoning Mina to join him too and in the midst of it all, I noticed Jimin disappeared. Mina threw me a glance, insisting I’d join them but the last thing I wanted to do right now was dive into the suffocating sea of bodies. 

My nerves were running out of control and I couldn't understand why. I’d been feeling this way every since we walked in, but it was mild back then, and way more intense now. I could feel it like a weight in my chest, confining my lungs and making it hard for me to breath. My fingers were trembling and when I raised them up to cup my face, I felt a tingling energy force itself through my entire body and stop at my hands. I watched them shake in front of me and for a split second, my eyes caught what looked like markings just in the palm of my hands. I blinked and they were gone. Was it just my imagination? The more I thought about it, the more I felt like I was about to lose consciousness. I needed space, air. I convinced her to go on without me and made my way to the second floor, it was pretty much empty since everyone continued gathering on the dance floor. I found the nearest corner and crouched down against the wall, placing my elbows on my knees and dropping my forehead down into my hands. What was wrong with me? I could no longer control them, they were shaking in an odd trembling rhythm, and for a minute I had myself convinced I’d fade into oblivion.

“Come on baby, just one kiss? I promise I’ll make it worth your while.” A snobby voice giggled and I realized I wasn’t alone. I peeked up over the edge of my fingertips, trying to find the source of the sound. A couple sat in the lounge opposite me, surrounded by too many empty bottles of liquor. “No.” The boy sighed. “Why not?” The girl began to beckon him by straddling herself across his lap, cupping his face in her hands and leaning in closer. “Because, if I kiss you now then you’ll just keep coming back for more, and I can’t give you that,” he teased her, “you’re just gonna get your feelings hurt and then I’m gonna look like the bad guy.” He spoke, but his actions spoke louder than his words as he made no effort to move away from her. He noticed her hesitate as she digested his words, and figured she’d backed down, but to his surprise... “You know..” she began,“I like bad guys.” She whispered, her lips brushing against his. A smirk played up in the corners of his lips and just when he was about to give in, his eyes found mine.

I instantly shot my head down. He caught me. He caught me and now he was looking at me. I internally cried, hoping the ground would just swallow me up. “What’s wrong?” The girl asked, noticing his diverted attention. “Er.. nothing, it’s just..” He trailed off trying to find some excuse when his phone began vibrating in his pocket. As soon as he read the caller ID, he sat up, throwing the girl off his lap. - “What, no, isn't he with Seokjin?” He almost yelled. I knew something was wrong as I could clearly hear whoever was on the other end of the line frantically shouting, all the way from my position on the other side of the room. “Fucking Hoseok.” The boy spat under his breath, before leaving the area. When I was sure he was gone, I looked up. The girl, who was ready for a make out session only moments ago, was passed out on the sofa, sound asleep. I looked at the mess she was, suddenly very thankful I hadn't had a single drop of alcohol all night and threw my head back down. I just wanted to get out of here and go home but I couldn't bring myself to ask Mina to leave. She’d been looking forward to not only tonight but spending time with Taehyung. I mean, who knows when she’ll get to see him next. I couldn't bear to cut whatever time they had short and sunk further into the wall, trying to find comfort in the silence this part of the club had to offer.

After a while, I came to my senses. I wasn’t sure how much time had gone by but at least my nerves had calmed down. The music was still playing downstairs so I figured it hadn't been that long. I remembered the girl from before and looked up to where she was sleeping, only to find that she wasn't there anymore. I contemplated whether she ended up leaving the club with the guy from earlier or not, but my question was answered when he reached the top of the stairs to the lounge, alone. I remembered our awkward eye contact and hid behind my palms once again, hoping he’d forgotten and wouldn't notice me. His footsteps kept getting closer and I realized it was hopeless.

“Hey, you alright?” A soft voice asked, crouching down so that we were at the same level. “Yeah.” My voice came out so weak, even I didn't believe me. I leaned deeper into my hands, hoping he’d get the message and just leave. “I’m not leaving.” He dropped, sitting down with his legs crossed directly in front of me as if to stand his ground. A few moments passed and when he realized I wasn't budging, he continued, “you know.. it is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.” “Huh?” I couldn't help but lift my head up and laugh at his ridiculous comment. “Congrats, you're not a pig.” He smiled widely, proud that he got me to face him. “What is that supposed to mean?” I was too giddy from his previous comment to even be offended. “Nothing. But at least now I get to see your pretty face.” He said with a smile in his voice. I was met with a smirk, and when my eyes took him in completely, I realized how close he was. I found myself looking straight at him more than I’d like to admit but something about him was so... calming.  My eyes traced every inch of his face; from his eyes to his lips and everything in between, until they fell on a scar placed on his left cheek. I stared at it for a moment longer, wondering how it got there before he turned to the side as if he was hiding it. When he turned back to face me, something about him changed. He held my eyes again and somewhere between his close proximity and intense gaze, I felt like an open book. He wasn’t just looking at me, he was searching my eyes as if he could see straight into my mind through them. With that thought, a smile crept up on his face, sending a wave of energy through me and causing my nerves to stir up again.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it.” He let out with a slight chuckle.

“Get used to what?” I asked, but he already got up and was making his way back. He turned around to face me at the top of the stairs, throwing me one last smile.

“Everything. See you around, Y/N.”

[nowaybutnorway]

Wow, it’s hard to believe that season that I hold so near and dear to my heart is already a year old.  About a year ago today I was in Norway, I had just started to expose myself to the Tumblr Survivor community and play some side seasons, but now it was time to try myself out in the big leagues of a main season, so I signed up for Season 39 and never looked back, and now as I look back about a year later from the time we started this season, I feel blessed to have gotten to be in a season with all of y’all, you are my og tumblr survivor fam, and I figured what better way to celebrate today than collect all my thoughts about my 19 fellow castaways and hosts. I’m in a starbucks right now so hopefully I don’t bust into tears, but then again that wouldn’t be new for this one, so let’s begin.

Laure-Now Laure was probably the only person that I had no interaction with over the course of the entire season, just because of how tribe divisions were set up and all, but learning that over time I was playing with a ts legend, it inspired my frail newbie heart to no end, so Laure, despite not knowing you, thanks a billion from this fanboy <3

Dani-OK so contrary to popular belief, Dani met her demise to due to EVERYTHING GOING WRONG FOR HER.  Originally the plan was to vote out Eric, then Eric won immunity, then the plan was Danielle, but she went to Exile, so Dani became the next best option, and it was so awkward because I remember being in the HOS11 house on call when the tribal happened and people were talking about how they loved Dani, and as the votes kept coming in, I was just sitting there watching people’s jaws drop and then after I had to say....sorry about that.  But it was clear you did not deserved what happened to you, you were sick and the Darian v Dylan fiasco was just a damn mess that culminated with your demise, but despite of what you may think of me, I feel your tribal where you left was crucial to how I play games now, so thanks babes.

Angela-WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS GIRL. Now people may think that my closest alliance mate was Brian or Stevie, but you guys never knew Angela like I did, we ironically made an alliance day 1 called the Trashy King and Queen, an alliance I would later replicate with Ting Ting in Myanmar, and it was honestly a god send because she was the one person on Lipari I could trust, and she was honestly the most fun to talk to because all the newbies were like cracked, while Angela and I just talked about arson and ate popcorn, it was great to have her in my life, and my snaps had never been more LIT.  Then came swap and Angela peaced out like the boss she is, probably because Grace never gave her cheesecake, anyways I digress. Angela you were one of my favorite newbies to play with and its always a pleasure to see you pop up on snapchat, ily and nothing can ever change my first ts alliance with you, long live our trashy mess <3.

Eric-OK so prior to playing TS I had never gotten on call for a game before, so when Eric called me to talk game, I had NO idea how to do anything, it was 20 minutes of awkward talking, but it was clear to know that we weren’t gonna align anytime soon, but you know in my delusional manner I thought I had totally played him.......yeah I wasn't smart then and I’m not smart now. We later swapped with Brian onto the Alicuidi tribe, and while I had hoped newbies could be strong...he targeted me, but thanks to the lovely Stevie and his ability to connect with the First Boots, I was saved and Eric left.  I’m not sure exactly what I did to mess up our relationship but I’m sorry, I’ll give you a hug if I’m ever in Mass....again.

Darian-I feel what I have to say about you and Dylan are around the same lines so I may say look above for previous comment when I write something for Dylan, but DARIAN OH DARIAN, to say you made that first tribal interesting is an understatement.  I feel you taught me what not to do in games, you made me realize it was probs a mistake to start an alliance on call or be the center of attention, but DANG you were entertaining to say the least and that was no understatement.  You left me as fast as you came into my life and your rivalry with Dylan was funny as you both went out back to back after targeting each other so hard the first tribal, you definitely made my ts introduction a memorable one so thanks <3.  And when we reconvened in Westeros, I will admit you had grown a little as a player despite what people think, not a lot, but a little.  I’ll never know what happened on Salina but your exit was a quick one, who knows, maybe another Mass visit is in my future and I can see you and Ashley together cause she my Myanmar homegirl.

Dylan-(see comment above for jist) Now a special place Dylan has in my heart that separates him from Darian is the fact he was the first person in TS I was shady with, basically talking about what the heck Darian was doing and how in any world that would make sense.  Sufficed to say much more shade would follow, but thanks.

Jason-OK we literally did not have more than a 30 minute conversation in the game, but we talked about CBB and tbh that was a quick way to my heart so thank you.  While we never met up on a tribe, we connected ever so slightly, and you actually are the first person I got to give me ts memorabilia with Jenny, Hector and Jordan when you guys sent me a post card, it was nice and sweet and it’ll be on my TS wall for enternity.  We also played The Amazing Race together twice....but there are certain things we don’t talk about like how I was a mess in TAR4 and y’all got eliminated 2nd in TAR AllStars.  I love ya and miss ya <3 

Dalton-I’m just going to start off and say my #favoriteDaltonMoment was when we just swapped onto alicuidi and we were just talking about the most random things, and I think it was with you how fvf3 was going to be like on Survivor when they’d bring back Baylor and Cirie and we’d jump into the fire at f4 with them just so they could win and all would be right with the world, it was random, but tbh randomness is one of my more favorite things and I love ya for it.

Nic W-NIC I GOT A FEW WORDS FOR YOU, FIRSTABLE, how are you, hope you’re partying somewhere or some junk, but wow, we spent a decent amount of time together pre-merge, but our time at merge certainly DID NOT LAST LONG.  You went out in a unanimous style, and famously called out Brian, Stevie and I, all for being fake to your face, which is kinda funny cause I’m pretty sure you inadvertently called out our trio on accident, and the rest of merge was a nightmare trying to convince everyone we weren’t a trio when it was very clear we were.....so party.  One of the last great callouts of the tag era, so thank you <3

Max-MY OG AUSTRALIAN BAE.  It was a dream for my entire adult life to have a best friend from Australia, but as I couldn’t find one in Norway, I settled for the next best option and found one online in you <3.  Now in memory I don’t think there was ever a point where we worked together and that was a mess in a hand basket, but you still were great in your own ways.  My favorite thing was when you compared everyone to people from Eurovision of that year and it was amazing so thanks.  You left a special place for Australia in my heart and every main season I played since then I had played with an Australian, and despite loving Jimmy with all my heart from All Stars, you will always be somewhere in my heart.

Danielle-Please call me out again for going on too much during my ftc speech because that has changed my performances quite a bit, I mean I’ve lost everytime I showed up in a ftc since this season....BUT STILL IT MEANT A LOT.  Personally it sucked because as soon as we started working together at merge, those bums voted you out and that began me feeling worse and worse in the game.  I still believe you had one of the best ftc moments of all time because you called every one out and I loved every moment.  Congrats on winning Crusade, you deserved it <3

Stevie-Words cannot personally describe how I actually feel about you, and I feel you know that Baevie.  You were the first connection I made on any Survivor season EVER.  You took me into this community and showed me so much.  You gave me my first idol, showed me my first alliance, and once I lost in Rakiura, you not only showed me Myanmar, which I won for myself and the draft for you (my faved loved one too btw), you also got me into this season.  Now at the time I didn’t know we would be playing together again, but when I saw your beautiful bearded face pop up in the cast announcement, I kid you not I jumped for joy in my Norwegian room, because that meant I was going to be playing with my best friend in the community again and I was excited as all get out.  You took me in under your wing on alicuidi and we wrecked havoc, we got some idols, and we did some idol plays at merge.  You graciously gave me an idol when I asked and were always there to help me...until ftc where you didn’t vote for me to win, but lets be real, my performance was a train wreck, you made the right choice.  Once the votes tied during the round we got the votes on JC, my heart dropped because that meant I would have to campaign against the person who mattered the most to me in the community and the pain I went through to muster up the strength to was unbearable but I did anyway, and I played my hardest as I knew you wanted me to do if you were there in my place.  You not only gave me so much in the game but so much in life, I’m not sure if I can ever make it up to you for how things played out during the season but I will sure as hell try, I love you Stevie, never change.  And thanks btw for letting me sleep with you, it was a great night ;)

Danny-DANNY OMG. K so firstable, I think you know when I say this I mean it, I GLUCKIN LOVE YOU.  You’re so funny and I love when you just pop up out of nowhere with several puns and its great and ily, but god, you were a terrifying force in that game because you could gather SO many people at merge it was ridiculous.  Your demise was also probably the move that I was proudest in my entire career and something I’m sure I could never replicate ever again, but dang was it fun.  I may not be able to go to six flags with you but I’ll be there in spirit forever, love ya.

Jenny-Jenny you’re probably one of my best friends to come out of this season, and that’s why I will always feel awful for how I organized your demise, but in retrospect you have to admit it was clever, not managed well but clever.  You sent me my first TS memorabilia, and I love it with all my heart, and whenever I come to you about my personal life, you’re always so happy to hear it and I lvoe you for it, and whenever I lose a season.......you’re kinda mean but to be fair I come to you crying about an online game, when its very clear MUCH worse has happened to more people so I’m sure that harshness is out of love so thank you.  You were probably the person I never thought of working with at merge because you not only sold me out at the beginning but you also voted me out when Stevie and I were tied to leave......but you also helped me pull off the Danny blindside so thank you, ily, and I can’t wait to see you come home and hopefully I get to see you for my TS birthday party.

Nick-NICK WITH A K, you were the last newbie to go out before ftc, and to be fair you were one of the most level headed people playing this game, and it was great to have someone who despite being amongst some of the most cracked people, could stay calm and semi-reasonable.  I look at your vote off as one of the biggest mistakes cause maybe had I voted off Van I would’ve won.....but at that point I had already pissed off most of the jury, plus I thought I could beat Van....OH HELL WAS I WRONG, but still, you made for a fun time and were a sound mind for me in the first tribal we went to as Lipari....cause god we didn’t need anymore crazy.

JC-next.....JUST KIDDING, you think I would dare forget about you, I could never.  You hold many special places in my heart.  You were the first to call me out during a challenge, but it was so entertaining in retrospect, you also tried organizing my demise at final 5, but watching your face and those of the other first boots drop when I won immunity after 1 question, thus ruining your predetermined plans, was PRICELESS, it was great to organize your demise after that because it almost felt like Karma, but after the season I could not love you more bae.  You may not have voted for me, but you are the only person from Aeolian I played with ever again, because we All Stars baby <3, now while we didn’t get to play together, it was still a blast to be reunited with an Aeolian bae again, and I’m sure we could’ve take that game....ok maybe not taken it, but still we could’ve rented it and had a good time, but alas no, only in our dreams.

John-John....I love you, you and I were like baes for the longest time now, and tbh I was about to vote you out in Myanmar because I was sketched out by you, but then Aeolian started and you and I were in a season together, and so that plan had to be re-routed to voting out Kylie, but YA KNOW. I could never not be blessed to have you in my life CoffeyCakes, you’re that important, you came to see me in Massachusetts and it was honestly a blast, partially cause you got to see me get voted out in All Stars but still.  Sitting next to you in FTC in Myanmar was one of my most favorite memories ever, and you’ll always be near and dear to me <3

Brian-Literally what can I say about you besides being the best purchase I ever made on ebay tbh (that one’s for you JC <3) but in all seriousness at the beginning of the season, I never thought I could ever meet someone like you, you seemed to always be there for me and we became brothers in a sense, we went through the entire season, we played our way from the bottom, every move that I made during Aeolian, you were there, by my side throughout all of it, almost not the Danny move, but that told me I had to play the idol so thanks bae.  You not only were my confidant this season, but through so much of my life afterwards, we still stay in contact even after a year has passed, and I could not be happier to be honest.  Yes you maybe messy, but you’re my mess and I wouldn’t have you any other way babes.  I’m happy you won Lazio, and if anyone tells you otherwise they’re lying.  You were my rock and I hope you stay in my life for many years to come babes, I hope everything goes your way.

Van-Now to one of the most important people in the season tbh.  Now when we first met, I never thought in a million years I would lose to you.....and I was honestly pissed when I found out that hey, that was gonna happen, but that was in the moment and I feel we were both heated at that moment, but you know what, I’ve learned the value of your game and that is one of the most impressive that I’ve ever witnessed to be honest.  Your game reminded me of Michelle from Kaoh Rong, and if you were Michelle, I was Aubrey I think.....I could also be dreaming, but your social game was that on point and it was bloody impressive and I love it.  You earned your win and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, because it was amazing.  I one day hope to achieve your level of sociability and unlock my innerVan as you say to me whenever I begin to play a new season...that I later flop in but that’s besides the point, you’re an inspiration, a lovely person and iconic and I love you so much <3

And finally our hosts for the season Grace, Ryan and Intern turned mom Emma, y’all took a chance on me that Bora Bora never gave me and gave me a random chance to shine and I could not be more grateful, through this season I met such an important family, but I was also able to accomplish moves that I don’t think I could ever do again.  You introduced me into a community that holds such a close place in my heart and I could not thank you guys enough for it.

So in the end thank you Aeolian Islands, though you were hell to get through, you gave me a family, and a community, and I’m forever grateful.  Thanks for making me a favorite in Myanmar and an All Stars, you mean the world <3  Happy Anniversary, and Gratulerer Med Dagen

-Fra Steffen Reals