#I feel things so that's how I got it but I'm sure intellectuals can realize intellecutally and then the processing of that information will

[cat-marshmallow]

z

[samuelsdean]

Stay With Me

pairing: spencer reid x reader

summary:  "you’ve been shot countless times, huh?” “that sounded a bit more reassuring in my head.”

genre: angst & fluff

word count: 1.1k

author's notes: almost a year of no writing, but i'm finally home (i posted a new fic)! it's been one hectic year for me. uni was crazy & i started my clinical rotations. plus, i did my thesis & it even got a distinction mark so i'll be presenting it at a research congress pretty soon (yay!). with that, i'm really sorry for ghosting ao3 & tumblr. i couldn't find the time to insert it in between uni & breaking down lol. anyway, i'll be posting a lot more while i'm on break. i hope you'll enjoy reading my first fic after a year of zzz. have fun!

YOU CAN HEAR SIRENS AND PEOPLE SHOUTING.

They say when you are knocking on death’s door, hearing is the last of your senses you will lose. If you’re dying, you don’t know it. Nothing makes sense at the moment. It’s all just blurry hues of blues and reds and shouting—Stay with me—the smell of something metallic. The only thing you’re sure of right now is that your head hurts and it seemed like a van ran right through you with how achy your body feels right now. 

Who’s  that? You mused. Why are they yelling at me?  I’m  right here. You turned your head slightly and tried to open your eyes.

It’s quite the task.

“T-That’s it,” The person, whom you think was yelling at you, said. “Stay with me, Y/N. Don’t close your eyes.”

You groaned and gripped the person's hand tightly as if to stand up, but you couldn't. Everything ached. And the person holding you, just kept on talking, their voice a low murmur at first. But even through the haze of pain, it was starting to sound familiar. You recognized that dulcet tone, the rich, smooth sound that could captivate your attention with random facts or lull you to sleep with equal ease.

The voice, you realized with a flicker of a smile, belonged to Spencer, its familiar cadence a warm current cutting through the blossoming pain.

“Reid?” You croaked.

Your throat’s dryer than any other desert in existence right now. And you sound worse than you look—you think—you don’t know for sure, except the fact that you can’t move much.

“It’s me,” Spencer chuckled while sniffling. “I’m right here.”

“What’s going on?”

Even through the haze of pain, a new wave of discomfort bloomed in your shoulder, sharp and insistent. Before you could react and get up, Spencer's hand tightened on yours, his voice laced with a tremor you'd never heard before. "Don't move, Y/N. You've been shot."

He applied pressure on your wound—which you just noticed. The pain hit you in a delayed wave, a white-hot stab that stole your breath. You hissed a weak sound that did little to mask the spike in your heart rate. 

"Stop moving or you're gonna bleed out even more!" Spencer's voice, usually so calm and collected, was laced with a raw panic you'd never heard before.

"Easy there, tiger," you tried to joke, your voice raspy. "I've been through worse. I’ve been shot countless times. W-why are you so worried?"

The question came out in a shaky whisper, the concern evident in his voice a stark contrast to the usual intellectual debates you shared.

Spencer's grip tightened, momentarily cutting off your circulation. "Because you could have died, Y/N!" he snapped, his voice cracking with a choked sob. "You… you were…"

He trailed off, unable to put into words the terrifying image that had flashed before him when he saw you collapse, after hearing the sound of a bullet whizzing by and hitting you.

The sight of your vulnerability stripped away his usual composure, leaving a raw fear he couldn't conceal. It took him a moment to regain his composure, his voice softening as he continued, "You shouldn't be so glib about this. It was a nasty shot, close to a major artery."

Despite the pain, a warmth bloomed in your chest. You'd never seen Spencer like this, so shaken and afraid.

"Okay," you murmured, forcing a weak snicker. “I’m sorry. For what it’s worth, at least I got you to patch me up, right, Dr.Reid?"

A ghost of a smile glinted across his face, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Hold still," he mumbled, amused but also bothered at your dreadful timing for jokes. He applied pressure more gently this time. "You’ve been shot countless times, huh?”

“That sounded a bit more reassuring in my head” You quipped. 

A bit lightheaded from the pain, you clutched Spencer’s hand. The shriek of approaching sirens and the glare of headlights cut through the haze. You struggled to focus on the lifeline thrown in a storm of confusion.

"They're here," Spencer said, his voice tight. A sheen of sweat beaded on his forehead, a stark contrast to his usual cool composure.

"About time," you rasped, trying to lighten the mood. The effort cost you a fresh wave of dizziness, the world tilting slightly on its axis.

To which, Spencer shot you a look that was half-annoyed, half-worried. "Don't try to be a hero. You're losing a lot of blood. Any movement can dislodge the clot forming in your wound, renewing the bleeding. So, stop moving!"

"Just keeping things interesting," you mumbled, the words slurring slightly. “Wouldn’t want my last moments here on earth to be so grim…”

Spencer's jaw clenched for a moment, then he sighed, the sound heavy with relief. "You always were a pain," He muttered, but there was a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. You’re  going to be okay, he thought.

The sirens reached a fever pitch, pulling up right beside you. A flurry of activity erupted as paramedics swarmed, the rest of the team trying to make sure you were tended to and that you were going to be okay, their movements a bit panicked but practiced, and efficient. Relief washed over you, a sweet wave that threatened to pull you under. 

"Hold on, Y/N," Spencer said, his voice desperate despite the composure of his words. He kept his hand pressed firmly on your wound, his touch a grounding anchor in the chaos. “Help is here. Everyone’s here. Just… stay with me, okay?"

"Going somewhere," you slurred, your eyelids drooping.

"No, you're not," he said fiercely, his voice barely a whisper above the shouts of the paramedics. "You're coming with us."

You coughed a sharp rasp that sent a jolt of pain through your shoulder. "Stats say shoulder wounds aren't usually fatal," you wheezed, trying to distract yourself from the ache.

Spencer's hand stilled for a moment, looking at you like you’ve grown a second head. "What?"

"Yeah," you continued, your voice weak but persistent. "L-look, I get it, you're scared. But statistically, shoulder wounds aren't as serious..." Your voice trailed off as a wave of nausea washed over you.

"Maybe you shouldn't be reciting medical statistics right now," Spencer said sharply, his voice laced with a hint of panic.

“S-shouldn’t that be my line, boy genius?” You continued to joke, as the world dissolved into a scramble of flashing lights and blurry faces.

The last thing you registered was the feel of Spencer's hand tightening around yours, his touch a silent promise that resonated louder than any siren.

[charmedreincarnation]

Hey guysss! A lot of people have been asking for me to make a challenge for a while now. I honestly didn’t want to, not because I’m against them or anything but because the law will be different for everyone. Sometimes, it feels like tumblr needs a reminder - you are the only person who knows what you need to do to succeed. I wish I could imprint this realization on everyone's minds. I’ve also gotten so manyyyy asks about things that genuinely just feel like your doubts repeating in your mind constantly so I’m gonna talk abt my beliefs bc y’all are spiraling really hard. I get it you want your desires for Christmas and new years. It’s okay take a breath, you're alive and will be okay.

Firstly: at the beginning I used to spend countless time spiraling into depression, constantly changing my methods every time I saw a new success story, and every time I found a new foolproof' tumblr method. Methods that were supposed to guarantee results in a day so when they didn’t I felt rlly useless. It was annoying, to say the least, and I don’t want to help others do the same thing, but really all I can do is reiterate what I always say and hope you apply it to everything!!

A lot of you guys wanted something that didn’t involve the void state, so that’s what this will revolve around! But feel free to make this void orientated if you desire, and I’ll also add a void section so all my babies can eat!

Ok so you’ve over consumed, you have dropped the void, and now have switched to just assuming and knowing that you would wake up with your dream life - embracing states. Great! At first, it will seem like you're doing nothing but you aren’t! For example, I knew I was dwelling in the state of wish fulfilled when I went to work without shedding tears, when I looked in the mirror and didn't think I was ugly because, well, I'm beautiful! I didn't care abt not performing well on a test because I could revise my past etc. this isn’t to say ignore the 3D: don’t do that, please try and make sure you’re safe and okay. But know life is malleable. Slowly, things that used to bother me—my parents, grades, anxiety, self-deprivation—started to fade away. Even though my dream life hadn't reflected in my 3D yet, I felt the switch. That's when I decided, I know what to do.

I also remember finding this cute website a long time ago that I want to share that summarizes it in such a great and simple way.

So Before I knew or understood what LOA was, I found this gem of an article on I am Love'- "How To Shift Into A State & Stay There". I think I have a post abt it somewhere on my blog but I’m too lazy to find it so here it is again.

Basically it explains that the essence of shifting into a desired state and staying there. What resonated with me was her choice to dwell in the state of knowing that her desires are hers, no matter what.

The way she used colloquial language made the content relatable and easy to understand. It's like having a conversation with a friend who's guiding you through hard concepts with “dumbed down” language because at the beginning states made 0 sense to me.

Posts like this really helped me particularly because when I discovered Neville, it required three attempts on my part to not only intellectually grasp his teachings, but also to truly comprehend him as a whole, given his non-contemporary speaking tbh.

I recommend it if you find yourself stuck or not really grasping the law yet (which is more than okay) but, if you're looking to understand the loa better or just learn more give this article a read.

There’s also a particular quote from Neville that really got me to dive into his work after finding this article and it was- “The being that you really are, descended to the weakness of the flesh, causing you to experience the state you are now in. Contemplate another state, and the same being who brought your present form into being will restore and make alive the other state, the state desired. This he will continue to do until his purpose is fulfilled. That purpose is to follow a certain pattern back into the unity of being. You see, in the beginning we were drafted. We did not volunteer to fall into these states. We were made subject into futility, not willingly but by the will of him who sent us. But when we return we will discover that we are the very being who subjected us. We are now the sons, destined to return as God the Father!”

Now that you understand and are ready to apply state, Here’s a routine I’ve created to hopefully help you guys! It is very simple and not time consuming at all.

Scripting and writing: I love writing and feeling like the author of my own story, literally bringing my creation to life. I would write when I felt like it. Whenever I wanted to dwell in my state, I would simply write, "I have my dream life." It's so simple, yet it embodies everything I need. If you’re more of a picture girl, use Pinterest instead. Or both if you prefer it doesn’t matter.

Edward arts' "I am creator meditation": Again, do this whenever you like it. It's one of the few meditations that didn't bore me to death and seemed to work with my ADHD. I also love reading, so I would read his pdf whenever I felt like it and take mental notes. Reading his work was a reminder I was doing everything right, it resonated with me very well.

During doubt and overstimulation: When things get overwhelming, close your eyes and let the emotions pass. They’re just thoughts! repeat the words "I am" until your heart returns to its normal rhythm. It's a simple yet powerful way to ground yourself amidst the whirlwind of emotions. And guess what? You can use this technique for doubt too! So the next time you're feeling overwhelmed, remember the power of "I am". It's a gentle reminder of your existence, your resilience, and your capability to be whatever you want despairs any emotional turmoil.

Thank god: (yourself!!) When reminded of your desires. Thank you god. When you see your desires, (eg:Pinterest, online or you’re just reminded) thank you god! When you see an image of your desires, thank you god! When you dream or think about your desires. Thank god! Always thank the person fulfilling it aka you ;)! If you’re religious just thank the god you actually follow.

Nightly reflections: At night, ask yourself , "What would I do if I woke up in my dream life right now?" repeat this question throughout the night. Then, imagine whatever scene you want. What would you do if you could not fail? What would you do if you had all the money in the world right now. What if you looked in the mirror and saw the most ethereal being and it’s just you? What about if you woke up in your dream house with your dream family and pets? This is inspired by one of the first shifting methods I created that helped me fulfill my imagination before I knew what that meant. When you’re ready to sleep just remind yourself it is done, and drift off into your desires.

As I've always said, I've been a great daydreamer. I knew exactly what I wanted my life to look and feel like. I envisioned my walk-in closet filled with luxurious outfits, waking up in my dream room on a soft mattress with my pets purring nearby. I saw the decor reflecting my personality in every corner of my large, and pretty room. I imagined walking into my bathroom, seeing all my cool Sephora products lined up for my skincare and shower routine. I love taking care of myself because I know I deserve it. I saw myself looking in the mirror, knowing I'm "that girl" who turns heads wherever she goes.I visualized going downstairs in my boujee dream house,and seeing my family stress-free, smiling, and eating well. I saw plans being made on my phone, my friends were excited to see and talk to me. I went to my kitchen, filled with expensive ingredients ready for me to cook meals for my loved ones - because I love cooking. I saw myself checking my bank account and seeing multiple seven figures in my savings, checking, and investment accounts and opportunities easily presenting myself to make more if I wanted. I saw myself running errands in my car, shopping, getting Starbucks, having expensive lunch with friends, and making a trip to Target. Despite the simplicity of the day, I would come home and be like, "Ugh, what a long day!"like that one khloe kardashian meme. What if all this happened today? Visualize and feel the scenes so clearly that it felt like it's already happening.. not just in your imagination.

Most importantly: Define the law for you! Stop parroting bloggers and intertwine your own beliefs with the law. The only principle of the law is that through persistence assumption will harden into a fact. Other than that anything goes except for facts that are wrong.

Here’s old notes I found in my phone lol just so you know what I mean by define the law for you: ignore the writing I was kinda dumb and new to the law 😭😭

Now this is for my void babies if you made it this far.

Read this post.

This is it copied bc the links are wonky sometimes

“My previous method is based on the persistent assumption, which a lot of people don’t know how to do right and it might take some time even for those who have the right self-concept and the mindset, so today I was in the process of manifesting this method.

And I was successful!

This method is for everyone. It’s the easiest Void method.

Do you know that you get into the Void state at night automatically? At that time the whole perceived world disappears for you. Every single perception and assumption you have disappears while your consciousness in the calm and natural Void state.

Use it to your advantage. Now that you know about the Void that you enter when you sleep, the perfect state to manifest anything that you wish to perceive, with no “resistance”, no illusions of annoying solid things around, you only need to remember your scripted starting point in your DR and practice watching it all coming out of the Void.

Practice that scene with your eyes closed, say to yourself:”That is what I perceive. Next time I’m in the Void, I’ll experience this”. You won’t even need to be fully aware of yourself that way when you get into the Void while you are asleep. Your subconscious would do all the work as it now would have the instruction and a clear image of you expecting it.

Personal experience: as I was receiving information on this method, I almost stepped into my DR! I wasn’t even in the absolute void state, I was only creating the scene for this method and I felt it materialise with my senses!

I have great feeling that it’s going to give fast results for others! Try it, teach your subconscious what it needs to bring forth while in the Void, let it do your work for you!”

Lastly, I’m gonna talk abt my beliefs real quick bc the fear of shifting vs manifesting makes me sad for y’all. I understand you don’t wanna leave behind the people you love and that’s not fear to feel ashamed of having! I personally hate the npc mindset a lot of have people have adopted. The only thing we know for sure is that assumptions create realities, and consciousness is the real reality. Everything else boils down to assumptions, except for principles. For example, shifting is not lucid dreaming, even if you assume it to be. That is the principle. I’m just going to copy what I told my mutal bc I’m lazy and need to finish Christmas stuff 😭😭 but Our imagination and the 4D realm are products of our consciousness, which is indeed real. Our view of reality is shaped by our consciousness, since we can't experience everything all at once.

Unless, of course, you shift into a super omnipotent god. Even then, you’d probably still struggle with the concept of infinity because, well, infinity is infinite. And it’s constantly a never exnding expansion. As humans, we're finite beings, and our understanding of the infinite is naturally limited. Because you can’t and won’t ever experience everything at once, infinity is always expanding. Our awareness can be thought of as fragments of consciousness; it's like being a drop of water in a massive ocean. Even though our perception is limited, the infinite is always there, always existing. We simply adjust our awareness to perceive this infinite reality.

And through our consciousness, we are able to tap into other realities or 'multiverses', which give us a broader understanding of existence. This exploration of consciousness and the multiverse is a significant part of my journey into the world of manifestation.

The law of consciousness explains why, when you "shift" or change your perspective, you don't physically move. It's all about altering your state of awareness. This is also why time doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. You can become aware of any time or day you want, as long as you choose to be aware of it. It's like having a mental time machine. This law is why infinite universes exist. As long as you can be aware of it, you can assume and embody the state of that person. Whether that's someone with a billion dollars on Earth, or a person who lives in the Attack on Titan world, it's all about your awareness.Our awareness is just a fragment of the larger consciousness – hence the idea of the multiverse. Each universe is a different fragment, a different state of awareness. And we have the power to “shift” into any of these states, therefore shifting into any of these universes.

I’m telling you this bc there’s no need to be afraid of manifesting or being in a reality with robotic versions of the people you love. Ariana grande and Marilyn Monroe for example talk about loa without acknowledging it and we see their success. Neville Goddard and his followers saw each other’s manifestions and I manifest for my friends and they mnaifest for me.

Take a deep breath and let go of the tik tok clone mindsets y’all have they don’t exist. You can manifest and assume anything you want in your imagination. Y’all literally want to manifest things like millions of dollars, revising deaths, living in new countries, having immorality in your waiting rooms, and never aging which is all possible of course. So be for real, why assume and know that you can achieve all that, but it won't manifest exactly how you want? I've also wondered about what happens to the "old version" of people when they manifest their dream life. As far as I'm concerned, they dont exist because you choose not to be aware of them.

I really want to talk about this too, as I've received similar questions and, oh my god, I thought I was alone. I've always been a bit delusional and lived in my head, but when I became conscious of the law, did anyone else feel a sense of self-embarrassment? I don't know what that was, but I'd genuinely feel my soul wanting to throw up envisioning my desires that aren't mine, even though I've always been a daydreamer. It's kind of like when you feel you can't have them or it's strange to envision yourself with something you can't have, so you just purge yourself. 😭

I was thinking back to why that happened and laughing at myself because we need to be serious right now. Why are you getting sick by your own mind? Imagine if Van Gogh, anytime he pulled out a canvas and held a brush, was jump-scared by the brush. Picture him holding out the brush and just staring at the canvas crying because "well, the painting is going to suck 😐," "I don't know what to paint☹️☹️," "I already know it won't be like what I envision in my head 😡😡." Like, bro, the canvas is blank, just fucking paint. That’s why I really like his quote that's like...

“If you hear a voice within you say you cannot paint, then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” So If you’re scared of failing, if you’re scared of your desires, or scared of how it will come to fruition, for that reason alone is more so to and manifest it anyways.

But happy holidays guys! make some tea, scroll through Pinterest, read a good book and watch some Christmas films and remember if you can imagine/think your desires you can embody them bc where are you getting it from??

Here are some helpful documents I have read plus a cute vid I saw on insta reels : (let me know if the links are being weird)

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[lostiolite]

hii can you write something about monoma having a crush on a 1-A reader who has a personality like him but a little more nicer? have a great dayy

Everyone is better than me

Monoma x reader oneshot 0.6k words

You’ve always felt like a side character, worthless, expendable. it's something that kind of haunts you. You were surprised when you got into U.A. 

But, oh, your classmates. they were the best people on earth (except Mineta). Midorya went through so much to improve. Bakugo, despite being an asshole was talented, he had every right to brag with a quirk like that. Ururaka’s bubbly persona never failed to lift people’s spirits. Mina and Kirishima were the best people to give you motivation. Momo always tried to get you to understand your worth but you didn’t seem to budge.

You were kind of overwhelmed to be surrounded by such awesome people. They were practically shining stars, so much so that it blinded you. You wish to shine as bright as they do but you know you never will. Despite feeling inferior to them,  you couldn’t be more thankful to them.

Your class was your lifeline and you always praised them. Your classmates have been targeted and come out triumphant every time. Why wouldn’t you be proud? You would praise your classmates, obviously not in an obnoxious way like a certain someone, who always seemed to try and 1-up you when you talked about them.

You were always talking about them– not yourself, which caught the attention of Kendo, who recently worked with Momo. 

You were eating lunch with Mina in the cafeteria. You two were brainstorming on a class project and decided to sit away from the rest of your friends because you would get distracted. 

Unfortunately, Mina had to use the bathroom, leaving you alone. This is when Kendo came up to you, asking you about school. 

You started talking about what the rest of your class was doing in detail, making sure to praise them. Monoma who was in the area noticed, he tried to one-up you like always before Kendo karate chopped him. Kendo then cocked her head, returning her attention to you.

“And, what about you?” 

You were stumped. You just assured her that there was nothing interesting going on with you. She stopped you, asking why you didn't wanna talk about yourself. You were kind of stunned at her bluntness, she went straight to the point. You sighed,

“Because I'm not as amazing as them, and I probably never will be. But, I don't think that matters, because being able to support them is enough for me.” 

She gave you a somber smile. she didn’t really know what to say, which was new. She usually knew how to cheer people up. She’d have to get back to you later, her focus was now on Monoma, whom she half expected to start dogging on you. He didn’t say anything though. 

She waved you bye and retreated back to her table.

That's when everything kind of clicked for Monoma. 

He was usually intellectual and able to grasp others' emotions and feelings, but when it came to class 1-A and by association, you, he went on autopilot. His main objective was to dogshit on 1-A to bring light to 1-B accomplishments and that they were just as great as 1-A. 

Ever since then, he’s seen you in a different light, maybe even developed a fat fucking crush.

Mentioned before, but he goes on auto pilot when around class 1-A, so he doesn’t realize when he says things like–

“Maybe take a note out of [name]’s book and be more humble, because you look like a fool” he’d say taunting Bakugo.

One time bakugo called you an extra when you offered him help in a subject he was struggling in (which is rare for bakugo), and suddenly Monoma appeared behind him.

“Maybe that’s why you bombed the test, you think you're better than everyone huh— your fragile ego can't take a hit so you have to take it out on [Name]! Be grateful someone like them is even offering help to such a lowlife braindead creature such as yourself!”

That's when Deku caught on.

Monoma not-so subtly praising you is something most of 1-A doesn’t really take note of, but Kendo and Deku are absolutely appalled.

[blushstarot]

PICK A CARD: how does your favorite character feel about you?

Anon request ^^ // what if you met your favorite character (or the first one you think of)? what will be their impression of you?

Pick whichever picture you feel more attracted to and skip to that pile.

Pile 1

ace of swords, the tower, six of pentacles.

They think that you're someone who is connected to them on an intellectual level, or at least that you have a similar mindset. They think really highly of you! They see you as this person who has faced difficulties but still manages to still be kind enough to help others when they need it. They may even see you as someone with great knowledge and wisdom, someone that is determined, assertive, has a sense of justice, and is always thinking of new things (ideas, projects, plans). And in some way that last thing also gives them the impression that you can let yourself fall in unrealistic goals and dreams.

**As in all the PACs, just take what resonates and leave what doesn't, this is for entertainment only, so have fun with it!

Pile 2

ace of cups (reversed), nine of swords, temperance (reversed).

I see you meeting in some kind of social event, it could be a party, or a fancy dinner, either way, it's a gathering where there's alcohol involved. And I get some negative emotions on their part, not towards you, but to the gathering itself, maybe they're not a very social person, or didn't like an aspect of the event so they didn't want to be there when they met you, and that made them, see you in a negative light for a while. When you tried to make small talk you noticed that something was bothering them, and after making some small talk you realized that it was better to leave them alone and not bother them. The next day, in retrospect, they probably thought about your interaction and started worrying that they came across like an asshole, or that they were too mean with you; so most likely they started to feel anxiety on what kind of impression they left on you, which probably caused them to overthink too much, to the point of having trouble sleeping or having nightmares. Because how would they not feel bad, this really nice person came to talk to them, probably looking to be friends, and we're really polite and understanding of them, even thought they were being really dry in the conversation and answering with an angry/annoying tone. They most likely would try to talk to you if they see you again, and hope to not come off as rude again, I get the feeling that they would like to be friends and apologize for your first conversation.

**As in all the PACs, just take what resonates and leave what doesn't, this is for entertainment only, so have fun with it!

Pile 3

Six of wands (reversed), queen of wands, ace of wands.

They approached you with I'll intentions at first, I'm not sure with what in mind exactly, but nothing too serious probably, maybe they wanted to make you a joke or just wanted to take advantage of you in a please-do-this-favor-for-me kind of way. But then when they got to know you more, they saw you as this very positive/optimistic person, really outgoing, wanting to help everyone, cheerful, and mature/wise. That made them reconsider their first impression of you (someone not so smart/easy to trick), and started treating you more genuinely and caring than before. I don't really see them coming clean on their own with what were their first intentions to approach you, but if you for some reason decide to ask them about it, they would tell you the truth and pray you forgive them so they can continue being your friend.

**As in all the PACs, just take what resonates and leave what doesn't, this is for entertainment only, so have fun with it!

This took so long because I decided to procrastinate instead of finishing this reading, it's been in the draft since the same day that I uploaded the last one, so I the first pile feels a little off compared to the other two, that's probably why.

Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think.

Bye byeee ✨

You can find more of my PACs on my master list, and if you have any suggestions on future PACs you want to see me do, you can send me an ask.

[foundfam2754]

S17e7 live reactions!

spoilers...obviously

am i the only one who's always nervous before a new episode? i just might too invested in this show after all

i have avoided spoilers all day, let's do this thing

why hasn't this FBI director ever come back into the storyline? i feel like it means a big twist might come back in the season finale...

is this unsub connected to gold star???

oh my god his skin jfc

man you know the quiet unsubs are the scariest

WHAT THE FUCK HIS SKULL

this guy is just saying what he needs to isn't he to get out

holy crap okay what a start to this episode

i'm closing my eyes omg

how do you even build something like that in your apartment - WITHOUT getting hurt

OMG WHAT. THE. FUCK. holy crap aisha did you direct this to scare the bejeesus out of me THAT IS HIS ACTUAL SKULL

OH I JUST SAW FELICITY'S NAME COME UP - welcome, dr. jill gideon!!

damn damn damn PG's outfits this ep!! damn

where are tara and dave? and tyler? and everyone else lol

wait also is my favorite friendship group - penelope, her best friends, and her boyfriend

HAHA emily, poor tyler

ok I kinda love tyler the profiler

"flex" lol why did that sound so wrong coming out of paget's mouth

"mr. sensitive" lol buddy's getting hit left and right

i feel like....that's not a lot of files for 4 years

anyone getting "don't 'Emily' me" vibes

not sure you can say that dave - emily "died", and you were buried underground

lol "that's adorable!"

"i don't have asthma" "you will in a minute" lmao i love their friendship

that's an incredible shot omg (of them turned back from each other, holding hands in bed)

okay as a psych major, this whitepaper stuff is really intellectually interesting

OH THE STARE TO MR GREEN

"of course I am, but not with this" lol i love chaotic emily

"Garcia" ah so he's not so in love anymore is he

aww i never really connected with gideon, but I do miss him <3

EMILY YOU WERE FORBIDDEN

aww road trip!

ergh... smarmy lawyer

elias does love a good contingency

man sicarius is a good profiler

holy crap elias you are straight up horrifyingly evil

"polite. nonviolent" lol i love how funny this season is

YOU ARE NOT FRIENDS YOU LOVE HIM HE LOVES YOU PENELOPE YOU ARE KILLING ME

also don't tell me "it's why you and i are finally friends" ISN'T flirting

"thanks, friend!" "you're welcome, friend!" okay they are straight up flirting, listen to the tone, her facial expression, his facial expression, THEY ARE FLIRTING

also calm down kids, jj's right there

"how's hotch?" "what about derek morgan?" "spencer?" lol they're really honing in that our bois are gone :(

AW BB JASON IN THE CORNER IN THE PHOTO FRAME

oh there's a difference between fiancé and fianceé? i didn't think there was

"has a goatee he thinks makes him look very distinguished" lmao

oh my god he slept with her didn't he

HOW WERE GIDEON AND HE FRIENDS AFTER THAT

lol rossi was such a player

HAHA omg EMILY YOU ARE SO BAD. i love how chaotic she's being

why do i have a feeling emma may be a figment of his imagination?

sir, she's bleeding

damn luke's so hot as he's profiling

WHAT? Okay I did not see that coming

BRO I KNEW IT EMMA'S A FIGMENT

luke and the megaphone!! i repeat, luke and the megaphone!!

lol i just realized this show is always sending luke and jj into very dangerous situations

wait this ep is so good man, the plot's amazing and heartbreaking at the same time, we got garvez nuggets, em's hilarious, and aisha's directing is goddamn incredible

NO WAY, THERE'S ANOTHER KIT?

elias is such a good villain, damn

lawyer man, maybe listen to the scary man? don't open it?

and as jill walks in, we continue the trend in this show of david rossi's ex-girlfriends showing up years later to shock him (oh god they’re gonna get married, aren’t they)

tara and luke be like "who's this lady?"

OKAY I'M SO EXCITED FOR NEXT WEEK LFG

[nanaosaki3940]

Some Keisuke Baji Facts (Not headcanons)...

I got into the Tokyo Revengers fandom right after watching the 1st season of the anime and from there I started reading the manga until I got caught up with it. Now, I'm up-to-date with everything related to Tokrev, even the spin-off manga as well...

Now, I have an issue with how people interpret Baji's character and how they portray him in fanfics or headcanon posts. I know you can have your own headcanons, but there's also a thing called facts or being canonically accurate. Most people interpret Baji as:

Keisuke Baji is an idiot, a literal moron.

Keisuke Baji is reckless, restless, always causing havoc, always seeking fun and adventure; in short, an energetic thrill seeker/troublemaker.

Well, that's far from what people think about Baji...

Baji's NOT an idiot

You can't call Baji an idiot just because he isn't academically smart or doesn't get passing grades in school. Sure, he's stupid when it comes to his studies, but other than that, he's really smart and highly intellectual in every other aspect. Moreover, Chifuyu's the one who's a moron here. In many fanfics and headcanon posts, I saw people writing about how dumb Baji is and how smart Chifuyu is and then talking about how Chifuyu guides/helps Baji to understand things or solve problems. And I'm like huh?!?! Have you not read the spin-off manga yet??? (Btw, the spin-off manga is CANON since it's been made under Ken Wakui sensei's supervision and he's heavily involved with the project...)

The whole manga is about what a big dumbass Chifuyu is and how smart, intellectual, and level-headed Baji is. Heck, Chifuyu's so stupid that this is what Baji has to say about him -

So, yeah...

CHIFUYU is the moron here, NOT Baji.

Also...

Baji's NOT an adrenaline junkie

I'm not gonna share pictures for that as proof. Instead, I'll just add the links to the sites where you can read the spin-off manga. I'll say it again - Baji's NOT some reckless, restless dude who loves causing havoc/chaos any time and every time he feels like it (unlike Hanma, Smiley, or anyone batshit crazy we know from this series). Throughout the story, Baji is shown to be quite mature and sensible as a person and also as a leader. He's more responsible, wiser, and more rational than everyone around him. Sure he gets very energetic and excited when fighting other delinquents, but other than that, he's just a simple guy going on with his everyday life. I understand why people think of him like that since this is literally what wiki tells us -

But he's more than just that...

Instead in the spin-off, Baji is portrayed as a calm, collected, and composed individual in each and every scene he appears, while Chifuyu and Ryusei are the ones shown to be more chaotic in nature who love getting into trouble at every opportunity they get. Also, Baji doesn't speak too much and always observes things around him quietly from the sideline, meaning unlike others, he's pretty observant. He's never once shown to be causing problems for others, but rather, he's the one solving the issues that others cause around him, meaning he's a dependable and attentive person (just like Draken). Not only is he calm and composed, but he also immediately figures out any situation in front of him and then confidently gives orders to the others; just reading the spin-off manga will make you realize how effective Baji is as a leader/1st division captain. And, in that episode (season 1, episode 14) where Mikey tells Takemichi that Baji punches people for no apparent reason, yeah, there's actually a reason why Baji does that and such a thing happened only ONCE in his lifetime (Go read chapter 9 of the spin-off manga and you'll also understand why Baji did that). Also, this is Mikey we're talking about; do you really think he'll give us the correct info? He just dropped that info without any context, and no wonder why Takemichi went like "WTF?" after hearing that about Baji... Anyway, Baji's more like Draken in a way, so to speak, and that's why he and Draken get along really well.

No wonder Baji's spending his birthday afternoon with Draken instead of spending it with Mikey or Chifuyu...

So, in short, Baji is:

Not some rowdy, adrenaline junkie like Hanma or Smiley.

An attentive, compassionate, and dependable leader.

Confident while giving out his orders.

A calm, composed, and observant individual.

Very smart and highly intellectual.

Cautious and doesn't cause trouble to others.

Actually one of the most mature ones in the group besides Draken and Mitsuya.

Baji loves fun and adventure from time to time, sure, but he's NOT an idiotic troublemaker.

Links to the spin-off manga -

[aceofwhump]

Dear Ace,

I need some advice. I’ve been a whump lover for as long as I can remember and I’ve been lurking around this community for some time now but I’m still having some trouble with feeling the need to hide my love of whump. I like to write but hardly ever do because all my ideas center heavily around physical whump scenarios. I have the hardest time putting pen to paper because once I do, it’s out there….and what if someone accidentally reads it and realizes how dark my mind is?!?

Intellectually I know that’s ridiculous. I live alone and the chances of someone accidentally stumbling over my writing are practically zero and even if they somehow do, it’s a creative outlet right?

But I still can’t seem to manage actually writing any of it down.

Any words of wisdom about how to get over this hold up and be able to write the stories in my head? Thanks in advanced.

Signed,

Anxious Writer.

Hi nonny <3 Sorry for my slow response.

What you feel is incredibly common amongst the whump community. Incredibly common. You are not alone in these feelings. And just like you're not alone in feeling weird or uncomfortable about your love of whump you're also not alone in loving whump. There's sooooo many of us here with you and you are welcome in this community. Your work would be welcomed in this space. It really helped me finding out that there are sooo many people out there who love the same kind of stuff I do. So know you're not alone.

It took me a while to become comfortable with sharing my writing and my rambles and general love of whump as well. One thing that helped me is knowing I sharing it in a loving space of fellow whump lovers. So I made sure to tag it so that other whump lovers found it and that non whump lovers who have the tag blocked won't see it. Tagging is a really great way to get your work into the right fandom spaces (both with AO3 and tumblr).

I also share the fear that someone I know will find my writing. My mom especially can NEVER find it because she will not understand it at all. So when I do write I make sure I'm doing in the safety and seclusion of my bedroom where no one can see my computer screen. I don't write when I'm in the same room as my family. Not unless I'm 100% sure they can't see my screen. So another piece of advice I can offer is to create a secluded space for yourself where you can write without worry that someone will see it. I don't know if that's the best advice but it's something that makes me feel more comfortable when I write whump. My sister knows I write whump fanfics just like I know she writes smut but we've made an agreement to never go seeking each others profiles or reading each others fics. Just for our own comfort levels. We don't judge each other but knowing the other wont see what our minds come up with makes us feel better.

And I know it's hard to get over the hump of thinking what you want to write is dark and bad but I promise it is not bad to want to write whump. Tons and tons of people write whump. And not just the hundreds aof fanfic writers either! Look at the stuff written by Stephen King or Mike Flanagan. They're praised for their whump writing.

Another piece of advice I can offer that helped me start to share my work is to create a blog/space made specifically for your whump. As soon as I made this blog I immediately felt more at ease sharing my love of whump because I knew I could keep it separate from my real life and keep it as anonymous as I'd like. If you'd like you could create a whump sideblog and post your work there. Try with something small like a drabble in answer to a prompt post. I did that. I wrote a short little thing that fit a prompt post I liked and i got such a nice response from the community it made me feel more confident with sharing more of my writing. Is there a prompt you've seen that gave some inspiration? Go ahead and try sharing your response! See how it feels!

I hope something here helps you nonny. I know it can be hard but we'd love to read your work! Everyone has something unique to offer and teh more whump the better! This community is really nice and we'd love to have you <3

[ckret2]

Since Dipper is the one most likely to get backstory out of Bill, did he ever come across Flatland (as in, the book)?

Dipper's the one most likely to ask the questions that get the terrifying answers that Bill doesn't realize reveal a bit too much; but I think Bill would more freely share dry unemotional biographical details . He's already told Ford he comes from the second dimension, and he mentions Edwin Abbot Abbot  when asked in the out-of-canon AMA about his origin—so I think it doesn't take much prying for him to describe where he comes from. (And in an earlier ask about this AU, I cracked a joke about him cheating at cards to coerce the family into watching Flatland for movie night.)

All of which is to say, I'm sure Dipper knows about the book Flatland—Bill's probably name dropped it—but to everyone's surprise except Bill's, it's Mabel who actually sits down and reads it first. By the time Dipper gets a crack at the book, Mabel's made a shapesona.

(This is Mabel's shapesona. Bill calls it the most hideously disfigured man he's ever seen.)

Keeping with the theme I've got going here of "Bill and Mabel are actually scarily alike and the more they notice that the more they get invested in figuring each other out": Bill is Mabel's new terrifying friend who might destroy reality, but is pretty fun when he isn't doing that or hurting her family, and MAYBE he could be talked out of wanting to do that at all! She wants to know where he came from and what made him the way he is. Dipper is driven by academic curiosity and a need to understand his enemy, but Mabel is driven by the 🌈🌟POWER OF FRIENDSHIP🦄💞!!!

So yeah she'll jump on this dry hundred-something-year-old book about MATH just to learn a bit more about Bill.

The first the rest of the household learns she's picked up the book is when she stomps into the kitchen in her pajamas ready to RIOT because the Flatlanders banned colors. "That's like banning fashion! Or HAPPINESS!"

(Bill reassures her that the book's mostly satire and color was legal in his dimension. "And anyway, they're all dead now!")

Dipper picks up the book the second Mabel finishes it. He probably gets a bit more out of the mathematical thought-experiment side of it, but not by a whole lot; Mabel might not be a nerd but she is smart, and most of the math concepts explained in the book are the kind of thing they're about to hit in school in anyway.

Mabel connects more to the story emotionally. Dipper interacts with the 1D King's disbelief of the 2nd dimension with the understanding that it's a metaphor to help a 3D reader grapple with their own disbelief of the 4th dimension, but Mabel interacts with it on the level of "the point king is stupid not to believe in lines, the line king is stupid not to believe in squares, the squares are stupid not to believe in spheres, and the sphere is stupid not to believe in 4D shapes!!" (Bill, deeply amused: "YEAH, YOU TELL 'EM, SWEATERS!")

Of course, Ford's read Flatland too, decades ago. He and Dipper can talk in depth about the mathematical concepts (which Dipper appreciates, because watching Mabel go on with Bill about the social side of the book is making him feel pretty left out). Ford helps explain some of the geometric concepts that are a bit beyond Dipper's 13-year-old education, and talks about his own personal experiences trying to interact with higher and lower dimensions—which are all a lot messier than the book would suggest.

But at night when the adults (and alien) aren't around, Dipper and Mabel have quiet conversations about the politics in the book—the sexism, the classism, the... shape-ism? the anti-intellectualism, the political imprisonments, the medical mutilations, the infanticide, the tyranny... And they wonder how much of it is just a human's fiction to make an interesting sci-fi book, and how much really does describe the world Bill came from.

Stan hasn't read the book and fell asleep during the movie.

[telomeke-bbs]

BAD BUDDY EPISODE 5 – THAT MOMENT BEFORE THE SECOND KISS

I know it's been analyzed and commented upon a thousand times before but I'm backsliding and rewatching, so–

By Ep.5 [4/4] we had already known on an intellectual level that Pran had been pining for Pat for years. We got to see some of his POV, and shared in his heartbreak, with all the flashbacks of him watching Pat and Ink's affectionate moments in high school as well as in the present day (especially of Ink buying Pat the less sweet/still sweet iced milk tea in Hokkaido Coffee, at Ep.4 [2/4] 0.21).

But what BBS did in Ep.5 was to carry us along on Pat's journey of realizing he'd fallen for Pran, so that by the end of Ep.5 [4/4] the full weight of these mutual emotions was ever-present, soaking into every wretched look they gave each other on the rooftop. And in watching Pat stumble into the full onslaught of his feelings, we were pulled along into the awareness of how much it had to be counterbalanced by Pran's emotions too, suppressed within him for so long.

The biggest emotional slap for me on this rewatch isn't the first, tentative kiss that Pat lands, even though it's the culmination of his realization that he's fallen – hard – for Pran.

It isn't the second kiss, even though it reverberated around the world when this episode aired. It isn't even the moment Pran wrenches himself away and abandons Pat alone with his feelings, just as Pran himself was wrenched away, alone with his feelings, all those years ago too.

The moment that really slaps is the little pause before the second kiss, even though by now we know it's coming. Pat isn't sure how Pran is going to react – yes, there's that – but it's Pran who's holding the weight of this moment in his hands.

You can see him trying to balance out all the roiling emotions within himself with the sensible logic he's known for; he'd convinced himself it was all meaningless, that Ink had easily and clearly supplanted him, that there was no hope of a romantic future for him and Pat.

But he'd held this secret, burning love within himself for so long, bore the terrible yearning alone, and by then had had all hopes of a moment like this one, alone with Pat on the rooftop, crushed time and time again. And yet here was Pat, offering himself to him – honest, bare and vulnerable.

All he'd ever wanted for so long. But at the same time all wrong, impossible, will only end in tragedy.

"Things don't end well whenever I'm close to you" ringing in his head (Ep.1 [4/4] 3.28, Ep.2 [3I4] 9.01).

It's the age-old dilemma of head-versus-heart.

And for once, just once, Pran cedes a little. The king of self-denial decides that after years of desolate pining he'll throw it all to the wind and allow himself – not quite a moment of happiness – but the illusion of happiness, for he could never take Ink's place now then, could he? But he could experience what a tender, passionate moment with the love of his life would feel like, if only for a moment where he could just pretend that it was real and that there was hope for a future of them together.

So he goes in a second time, reaching out to pull Pat in, no holds barred, giving it his all. Because for Pran in this moment, this IS all there is. He cannot see it going anywhere beyond this rooftop assignation, but he takes it anyway because it's all he'll ever have of his beloved Pat, in the way that he wants.

And when he pulls away sobbing, he weeps in part because he knows that it's over, that it can never be anything more, and that he can never have anything more.

I weep along, as a lot of us do, because we know the bittersweet tragedy of having loved once, known its intimacy, and then being cast back into the despair of believing we'll never, ever have it in our lives again.

Thank God Pat never gave up on Pran. And to all who might be despairing, give yourself a second chance. Sometimes it's not all you've convinced yourself it will be.

Pran's moment of shattering grief here also tells us it's OK to give in and think of yourself from time to time, even if you're used to putting yourself last, denying your own happiness. You deserve it, even if you don't think so. And even if the happiness is only illusory or fleeting, who's to say there's not more of the real thing waiting for you the next time around, if you just give it a try? 💖

[dopepoisonivyoncrack]

Got quite bugged by the lack of a more nuanced take on Astarion intelligence. This ended up quite long so I'm putting it under line

Won't get medical into the "less wrinkled brain" narrative comment, which can be offensive, I've seen some complain about it, I don’t have the medical expertise and it's not necessary because, while maybe not an excuse, it was used figuratively. Astarion is not the smartest person in the room but also not the dumbest, which makes sense and I'll get to that in a moment. I've seen the jokes though, and there is a big difference between being less wrinkled and having the brain as smooth as a chicken breast. I have not laughed.

About the stats, I think it reflects his current state but not the limits of his intellectual capacities. If anyone more knowledgeable in dnd inner workings can correct me in this, feel free to do so.

What I can say is that intelligence is the ability to solve complex problems, to learn and adapt and make better decisions, and there is nothing to suggest Astarion doesn't possess this ability, quite the contrary, he learns and adapts relatively fast when allowed to do so. The brain is like a muscle that needs to be trained, and unfortunately, he couldn't do that much in the last 200 years. Trauma also messes with the brain and many of its abilities. It can physically change the brain and the mechanisms used for learning and survival [x]. Not to dig into details as it's beside the point here but "trauma significantly impacts our ability to learn, to form memories, to regulate emotions, it can affect our ability to be calm, to learn, to think, to reflect and to respond flexibly and in a planned way" [x]. It should be no surprise that Astarion has difficulties in doing a number of these, if not all.

Before jumping at me like I'm trying to use the trauma in defense of his intelligence, I am not saying he was some brilliant mind before. He was probably a bit above average, with a privileged access to higher education. We can't know anything for sure because we were never given anything on the magistrate elf (not to assess intelligence anyway), but whatever his starting point was, it got affected under Cazador. We only have the current Astarion and some observations during our game travels.

So, while I don't think he was ever the brightest, he is far from being dumb. The lower intelligence stats in the game make perfect sense for someone like him, as he is now. He was killed as a young adult, he was controlled body and mind for 2 centuries, stuck following orders, and in survival mode. He didn't get, and wasn't allowed to think for himself, to grow, to learn, to develop his skills to their potential! Including thinking skills! Moreover, he was told and made to feel incapable, worthless. Cazador likes to remind that quite often. Of course he isn't adept at thinking things through, making complex plans, figure out things that would be more obvious to others, and so on... like when it comes to relationship experience, because he didn't had to think or do anything more complex than seduce someone for a night and carry them to Cazador, for a very very long time. The routine and ingrained mindset, the "chains" so strong, he kept doing them out of inertia for a while even after the tadpole-gained-freedom. It took him a while to even realize he can just stop doing it now, like slowly waking up and regaining senses, and control over his body. It's great writing there, sensitive, thoughtful, realistic writing. It would be quite weird if he knew any better, and that would have to reflect into higher stats. And I would like to point out that he learns and adjusts himself from now on with increasing pace, going hand in hand with recovery. (Going into how this affects Ascended Astarion who, I argue, rejects recovery, would be interesting but maybe another time).

On the other hand, the skills that helped him do what Cazador asked for, are very very honed. I still remember his lines, not being able to even put a name on another type of relationship "You are not a victim, not a target, not another night it's better to forget. But then...what in the world could you be?" (Might be paraphrasing a bit but the point stands). It's not for lack of intelligence that he fails to do that, and it's not for lack of intelligence that he fails to do many other things.

Basically, I am saying is that he was never the smartest, but he is not dumb, he was made a bit dumber/ kept for a long time, by trauma and circumstance, from getting smarter, kept from reaching whatever his potential was, and that if allowed to regain his freedom and recover, he still has the ability to reach whatever his potential is. Things we can witness him doing, gradually. And that his stats or the comments on his intelligence in the game reflect his current situation and not his limits.

[noxiatoxia]

thoughts on kyoya and haruhi? what would happen if they were canon? or how it would've lead to haruhi realizing she likes him instead?

I do think about kyoharu a decent amount actually. I think it's a fascination concept.

Firstly, I can easily see them being attracted to each other. Kyoya likes how smart and hardworking Haruhi is, Haruhi likes the same in Kyoya. intellectual 4 intellectual.

I'm also a big fan of this image vv

they're scheming your demise.

I imagine living together they're a rather quiet couple. Neither are messy and both are hard workers, so the amount of time they actually spend together is relegated to after-work hours, usually dinner and bedtime.

Haruhi and Kyoya take turns cooking, sometimes cook together. I think Haruhi does it a little more though.

In the canon universe, I can see Haruhi and Kyoya developing a mutual fondness for each other over the course of the show. Again, they both respect the other's intelligence and wit. Both are pretty dense when it comes to their own feelings though. Haruhi would just see Kyoya as somebody she "likes" because he's "reliable" and the only one who isn't a "moron" and Kyoya likes Haruhi and "in the event" they got together, "despite" being a "commoner" haruhi would make a "good asset" to the ootori company <- always thinking about the advantages in everything.

Of course, these are very much them brushing off their true feelings. Deep down, Kyoya knows if Haruhi wasn't somebody who would be "good" for the company, he'd still want to marry her. He knows he likes Haruhi beyond what reputation she can give or what standing in the company she could have. He likes her. She is the first truly unique woman he thinks he's found. Somebody who doesn't care about reputation or financial standing. If anything, Haruhi is somebody Kyoya wants to be: themself. Haruhi is herself first and foremost. That is something Kyoya could never have. Maybe it's because she's a commoner and hasn't much to lose. Even so, she could still try to be a person she's not, probably get further that way, but she doesn't. Kyoya respects that deeply, he fell in love with that.

As for Haruhi, she knows her admiration for Kyoya stems from more than simply appreciating him for not being stupid. She can tell how much Kyoya really cares, cares more than just about money. She sees the way he does these things, selfless things, while still making himself come across as selfish and calculating. She thinks, in a way, he's one of the most selfless people Haruhi knows. Sure, he's money-grubbing, but he does so many small things because they're what's "right", never mind there's no gain for him in them. He plays it off as a tactic when it really isn't. He doesn't allow himself to take credit. In those moments, he's doing something good and he doesn't even get the reward of praise because he'll spin it in a way that makes him look like a bad guy. It's wholly selfless, if not a little asinine; Haruhi doesn't understand it. But it fascinates her. She wants to learn more, more about the man Kyoya really is but refuses to show.

I think that's how they get closer and all. They are fascinated by each other and wants to learn more. However, once Kyoya sees the way Tamaki acts around Haruhi, he...backs down.

Maybe it's Kyoya doing his backwards selflessness again. Maybe he sincerely is playing this out logistically; there are better people to get with for the company, to have an offspring with. Maybe it's both maybe it's neither. Whatever the case, he quickly notices how Tamaki is clearly in love with her, and so he lets him have her, even if...he's slightly jealous on the inside. He hides it well, though.

And Haruhi is a little hurt, begrudgingly. She doesn't understand why Kyoya is so distant now. Doesn't he know at this point it's useless to put up a front around her? She spends more time with Tamaki, she does indeed think Tamaki is a nice man, but she doesn't love him. He's her friend.

I think when it's clear Haruhi's not going to fall in love with Tamaki nor is she going to realize her own feelings (cuz she's a little dense), Kyoya steps in. He tells Haruhi the truth, albeit in a very roundabout way.

"While it would be nice to get to know each other a bit better, you'd do best to realize nothing will ever come of it. I suggest you get yourself more acquainted with Tamaki. He truly loves you, after all."

--or something to that effect. It takes Haruhi a few seconds to run that over in her head, but the meaning of it all becomes clear. And she's a little hurt. A bit hurt that Kyoya is giving up on her so easily, a bit hurt he's not really factoring in her feelings. Haruhi accepts it, though. She accepts it if it's what Kyoya really wants. if.

Because, that's what she says. "I understand, senpai. But...is that what you really want?"

And Kyoya doesn't really know how to reply; funny, as Haruhi seems to have that effect on him. He could just say "What I want has no bearing in the matter" and move on with his life. He could say "No, it isn't" and have Haruhi for himself. He says neither though, just goes quiet, and ends up excusing himself.

Because he needs to get himself together, he does. But it's...so hard. Much harder than he ever expected it to be. Because he really likes Haruhi. He does. And Haruhi likes him.

"Then, what's stopping us?" is what Haruhi would eventually ask, and Kyoya doesn't have a good answer.

For now, they'll keep it quiet, but it's pretty obvious to the rest of the Host Club there's something between them. Even Tamaki, who has politely resigned himself.

Unlike most ships in Ouran, this is one I can actually see being canon and not much changing. Tamaki may be broken up over it for a little bit, but I think he'd be happy for them eventually. Plus, Kyoya and Haruhi mesh well together, I think.

[northwest-cryptid]

I feel like I want to prefix all of this with saying I have nothing against those who go by the books and sell out and forego their own identity to make streaming as a career a reality for them.

But I also want to say that I will always support those who try to make it without doing all that. Listen I get it, it's hard; and that's exactly why I respect them for it.

I've been trying to find the middle ground, people tell me just play Genshin it's popular; but are you kidding me? Do you know who I am? Do you think I'd stoop so low as to play a game that glorifies the mass murder of my people? No thanks man.

I legitimately felt emotional seeing the support I was given by the Mabinogi community because I'm actually pulling numbers on par with my peers; the very same peers who did very much decide to just sort of sell out to whatever got them the most viewers and interaction.

I'm not looking down on them, if anything I was always a little irked by it because it was a constant reminder that I should do the same.

Yet here I am actually slowly amassing a small community with higher viewer averages, more engagement on my streams; and it seems like I can actually deliver a fun experience to those who stop by.

Streaming as a full time career is something that will take a lot of work; it's going to take a fair bit of effort, I need to dedicate myself to it and it's not easy. I'm planning to sign on with a proper studio later down the line; or at least audition with a few. Even if it means having to give up some form of identity to adopt another they want me to use.

However as it currently stands I don't have a lot of options, if I'm being honest that's not why I outright seek streaming though.

Sure I'm physically disabled, sure it's difficult for me to do any form of physical labor; and yea I know I can't hold a "real job" like people would love for me to.

Truth is, I've always wanted to be some form of an entertainer; I've always wanted to help people the way entertainers helped me. When I was young I focused so heavily on being a game developer, I wanted to create a world for people to feel like they belonged. I felt that way because Mabinogi gave me that when I was an outcast in school. The older I got the more I realized that being a game dev wasn't actually a job I could just pick up and do. It was a lot more challenging than that; I worked with a few smaller indie groups and every time I got burnt.

I had my intellectual property stolen, I was basically let go when they realized they didn't want to pay me for my services since they "didn't need to" considering they held all the legal rights to my work.

I realized that streaming was something I could just sort of, do. I grabbed a webcam, a decent mic; and OBS. I just sorta started streaming whatever; tried to stick with things I actually want to show other people; tried my best to create some kind of space for a community to feel welcome in.

I see the way people feel towards streamers, and while I understand the need to keep a distance (believe me, I really do) I also want to be a big enough streamer to properly house myself, keep food on the table, support my loved ones; and also be there for an audience.

I want to be a streamer who can genuinely put my audience first when it comes to what sort of things I bring to the screen, obviously caring a lot about my own interests and such as well; but I want to be someone who can brighten peoples days you know.

When I was young I remember telling my family that my life goal wasn't so lofty as to accomplish world peace or anything like that; but that rather I wanted to try my best to make someone's day a little better every day. It didn't matter who, it didn't matter how big of a deal it was. If I could make someone's day just even a little better than it was, then I was doing something good for the world as a whole.

So yea, I guess if I'm being honest; whenever I think about what I want to do for a living, there's nothing that comes to mind; but streaming? Streaming is fun, it allows me a sort of outreach; to talk to people, to help people.

I get to be there for others, I can entertain them; help make their days a little brighter and I also get to be an entertainer. I get to put on a show, play up a silly character and have some fun with it.

I don't want to have to sell out and be someone I'm not, I don't want to have to endorse games I don't support. I want to be me; and I want to be there for my community.

This is the first time in a long time I've felt like maybe I can do that; even if being me mean I get to play the role of a silly eldritch demon here to claim dominion over the realm in the name of my great elder god lol.

[makerofmadness]

Since you already did Cassie, maybe glamrock freddy or gregory?

not sure how Blorbo they are for me but I've had enough brainrot to fill some stuff in:

First Geggy

I just realized the way I'm using "I can fix them" here (I.e. "I can give him a warm blanket and he can see my therapist with me") could also apply to Cassie's blorbingo but I didn't fill it in there fudge- pretend I did-

Anyway so I now know how Little Nightmares fans feel I think (with Six)-

even before ruin happened I found that some takes I saw in like fanfics and stuff didn't really appeal to me. Even without the stuff with "Gregory is the Crying Child" and "Gregory is a robot" theories I found that the fics I liked to look at (the ones where Everything Is Fine and Gregory gets to be happy with his robot dad and dubious white woman mom and gets to be the silly rat child secretly living in the pizzaplex because I'm a sucker for wholesome stuff okay-) tended to make him kinda. Too soft. Surprising given the amount of Gremlin Gregory stuff you find here but like a lot of the fics I'd see kinds. Downplayed his colder aspects I guess. Idk am I explaining this right?-

y'know like his dubious little creature-ness makes him interesting why would you get rid of that :(

And now, Feddy;

The lack of anything with him in Ruin outside of the remains of the rest of his body/the prototype (which. May not be his body but like where the hell did it go then and also I wouldn't be surprised if fazbear ent actually did use a prototype as the final product tbh like it wouldn't be out-of-character for them that was my first thought when I saw him so that's why at least for now I'm convinced that was his body and that his head is still just chilling with Vanessa and Gregory-)

anyway uh yeah I wish we got more on him from an outside perspective here 'Cus like I'm still wondering what stuff like the "I AM NOT ME" quote means (other than I'm just realizing being the opposite of "IT'S ME" but. Can someone who's more intellectual than me break that down please I feel like there's some deeper meaning that I can't think of rn-) and also why he collapsed onstage at the start of main sb itself (though again my theory thing that he in fact was still a prototype and Fazbear ent got too lazy to make another freddy kinda answered this question in my head 'Cus I was like "oh yeah they probably hadn't gotten all the quirks worked out" but- idk-)

I need to stop rambling dear god those paragraphs are getting meaty-

Anyway uh is he doing alright as just a head though steel wool please tell me-

[mercyburned]

interactions with archons that i want for kaeya:

venti - the obvious "am i really able to claim mondstadt as my home?" conversation, the uncomfortable acknowledgement kaeya is experiencing that barbatos demands nothing from him as a citizen of mondstadt - least of all faith and the way he's grateful for that but feeling gratitude towards a god is a disjointed feeling for him like shoes that don't quite fit right, the way that kaeya just casually bullies venti because he knows (and he knows that venti knows) but it's kind of funny / almost amicable at this point honestly... just don't ask him to go inside the church of favonius if you're not paying him to do it.

zhongli - i'm not sure but kaeya can't hide the shape of his pupils and most people may not realize that it means anything but zhongli would. make it awkward. make it so awkward.

raiden - actually he doesn't want to do this one. but i do. let's talk about "eternity" and maybe the fact that khaenri'ah was a bloodbath for many, many people - even gods. because kaeya's been sort of "whatever, it's their fault, i'm not losing sleep over dead gods" about it but he's lying if he says there's a part of him that doesn't understand on some level how it feels to lose a sibling and how that can really fuck someone up

nahida - kinda have this going with ventium but like, nahida is probably the safest archon next to barbatos for him to poke and prod at. he will verbally spar. nahida's story may be the first time he actually feels pity for a god because it's extremely difficult to learn of her suffering and then see her still being so kind. he can maybe start to intellectually understand why some people willingly choose to follow a god at this point (just don't expect him to do it too.)

furina beneath the readmore because spoilers. you have been warned.

furina - the way fontaine got the khaenri'ah treatment, but they had help and they survived. the grief he feels over the fact that he's watching gods like nahida and focalors/furina suffer and try so hard to save their nations but there was no one to help khaenri'ah. the way he actually feels sorry for furina. the way focalors allowing herself to be guillotined to save her nation is challenging his worldview in a way he's not comfortable with. on the one hand, the fact that the entire prophecy was ever a thing, the fact that focalors had to create furina to deceive the heavenly principles, the way ALL OF THIS WAS HAPPENING just makes him want to set celestia on fire even more for trying to eradicate an entire group of people for "existing wrong." the way he's now wondering if someone in celestia has been paying too much attention to him as (one of) the last living khaenri'ahn(s). oh man. he just. has a lot of thoughts about furina now.

[hatingmyself101]

I am the single most mediocre person I have ever met in my life. For starters not only am I a mediocre friend, but all of my friends have mediocre relationships with me. Not that this is a negative reflection on my friends because they have awesome relationships with each other, it's completely on me. My best friend doesn't actually know me no matter how much she thinks she does. I don't even know if she is my best friend anymore, she has so many other people to choose from and she hangs out with other people a lot more than me. She calls other friends her soulmates and her 4lifers, she doesn't do that with me. Maybe we're not best friends anymore? I don't know, but if she's not my best friend then I'm pretty sure I have no one which fucking sucks. Secondly, my relationship with my parents is mediocre. I obviously love them, they're my parents, but they don't understand a single thing about me. I feel like the only person who actually knows me is me. There are times when I feel like I genuinely hate my parents and I find it hard to feel guilty about that because I know they're feeling the same thing even if they don't admit it. Thirdly, I am a mediocre volleyball player. This doesn't hurt as much as the other ones, it's just a little annoying that I spent over half of my life with a sport I'm just 'okay' at. There is literally nothing interesting about me. Not a single thing. The only mildly interesting thing I can think of is that I love to read, but who fucking cares about that? No one. Fourthly, I am a mediocre student. Sure the teachers like me and most of the other students do, but in the way that I like a kind restaurant waiter. I smile and speak to them nicely, but I wouldn't try and form an actually meaningful relationship with them. It's not fucking worth it. Fifthly, I have mediocre mental health issues. Yeah, I've got a touch of depression and a bucket full of anxiety, but again who doesn't have those? The one above mediocre thing I have going in that department is that I used to cut myself and have a couple of scars from that, but I don't really count that as anything because no one knows about it. Sometimes (scratch that)... ALL the time I think about how I'd much rather be under average than just average. Being average sucks. When you're average you tend to make friends with above-average people and then that makes you feel a whole lot better about your life right? Wrong. All my friends are beautiful and charismatic and interesting and they've had their first kiss… I'm seventeen and I've never even held hands with a guy in a romantic way. How fucking pathetic is that. I guess I am also above average in the sin department if we're gonna get religious. I'm a woman and have a mild porn addiction, nothing crazy, I could easily, probably stop. Plus I like to masturbate which I guess isn't normal for teen girls. I also have a crazy god complex, sometimes I think my mind is so deep and endless that no one is ever going to realize how intellectual I really am, but I also have a huge self-hatred/self-loathing thing going on, which is probably good for me so my ego doesn't go unchecked. However, the self-hatred thing has now given me body dysmorphia which is really shitty… but again that's normal so who actually cares? I'm not suicidal or anything, but I sometimes wonder how great I would be if I were dead. Not in the way that I'm a bother to people and they would like me better, but in a way that people would actually know me. Or at least think they know me. If I died today they would talk about what an amazing friend I was, which is completely wrong, my parents would say how lovely of a daughter I was to them, again wrong, They would talk about the hopeful future I would have, nope, and probably 13 more pages filled with things I was above-average at. I'm not gonna kill myself or anything it's just an interesting thought.