#I guess. This is a bit of a downer post

[nillisaie]

I saw something last night that really bothered me and it honestly probably shouldn't, but it did and it's how someone said they bought the Alastor pride merch even though they weren't ace themselves. And I couldn't figure out why exactly aside from the obvious me being crazy jealous and overprotective over the deer that I adore, but I think I figured it out

When I checked the website yesterday morning, it said that over 100 people bought that shirt. It's probably several hundreds now. And when I saw that number, I thought "wow, so many aces!" I thought all of the ace and aroace and probably aro too fans were buying it up in support, because they felt represented by Alastor like I did. But this person saying how they got it despite not being ace themselves made me realize that those 100s and 100s of people buying the shirt aren't all aces or aros or any aspecs. A good portion of them are honestly probably aphobes themselves who just want to sexualize the deer man who isn't interested. And that honestly hurts a lot. Just the thought of finally being able to hold this shirt honestly makes me want to cry, because it's the closest thing to being able to show my colors I can get without possibly outing myself and aphobes are buying it because sexy deer. It's honestly making me wonder if my attempt at saying I'm (aro)ace! by dressing head to toe in Alastor stuff is pointless, if people just see me as some fangirl instead of an actual ace in the hole like Alastor. If I wear this shirt, will people even know I'm wearing it because I'm ace?

[residentialsinyomakai]

Yokai to Human Form Tidbit

Ok so there's human designs/ forms for Caspian's yokai friends 1, for fun, and 2, cause there's some situations where it's convenient/just better to have some in human forms (EX: Whisper coming to Caspian's choir concerts and conferences bc his parents are. fairly absent). Everyone has their own opinions on it and stuff and in this post I'ma talk about Baddinyan's!!

So fun little fact he does Not Like being human. This is mostly for body dysphoria adjacent feelings, like all of a sudden he has different hair, no fur, different ear placement, etc. The 'phantom limb' thing tends to happen with his tails, too, which is trippy and kinda uncomfortable. He also hates that a lot of his senses are dulled. smell, hearing, sight (especially in the dark), it makes everything feel kinda hazy and causes him to be a lot more stressed about everything.

Idk maybe I just think it's kinda funny to see a character thrown into a whole new form and reasonably be like. what. the hell this sucks. His easygoing (nice way of me saying his lazy ahh) and usually pretty chill/surprisingly level-headed mood is def worsened when he's constantly feeling skin that doesn't technically belong to him. A form he shouldn't really have.

As a result, he's oftentimes irritable and anxious in this form, with some days being better than others. He typically avoids having to use it unless he needs to though, and refuses to take his glasses off for anything. Has to be bribed with a Chocobar to enma forbid go out in public. He's also less used to it than most due to his extreme aversion to it. He just hates it and everything is physically gross and cloudy and nothing's in the right place and he can't explain why.

Badude, on the other hand, doesn't mind being human! It feels more similar to his body than it does for Baddinyan, and is kind of a fun change of pace every now and then. He's Baddinyan's like. closest friend besides Caspian in this AU, so he's typically who's convincing him to not kill everyone in the room and/or take off the stupid leaf in public lol. Their convos can sometimes go like

"C'mon, it's just until we get outta the store. Don't get your non-existent tails in a twist-"

"Shut up and do nyot remind me right nyeow."

"(Oh it's like. that kind of day whoopsies) Mbmb, we can ditch these nerds and go look at the candy isle or somethin' for a bit..?"

He stinks at comforting people or anything like that but tries. Sometimes. idiots

I'm working on references, but all I have to say about their designs for now is vitiligo Black-Mexican Baddinyan and Mexican-Japanese Badude CANON!!! See you for now! :) Have a radtastical day out there, don't implode or get rocks thrown into your inbox!! (again for some of you...)

[thecherrygod]

I need to find a way to make my words actually mean what I say

[trainsinanime]

The darkly ironic thing is that if you are worried about the recent news that someone scraped Ao3 for AI research, then you're probably vastly underestimating the scale of the problem. It's way worse than you think.

For the record, a couple of days ago, someone posted a "dataset for AI research" on reddit, which was simply all publicly accessible works on Ao3, downloaded and zipped. This is good, in a way, because that ZIP file is blatantly illegal, and the OTW managed to get it taken down (though it's since been reuploaded elsewhere).

However, the big AI companies, like OpenAI, xAI, Meta and so on, as well as many you've never heard of, all probably had no interest in this ZIP file to begin with. That was only ever of interest to small-scale researchers. These companies probably already have all that data, received by scraping it themselves.

A lot of internet traffic at the moment is just AI companies sucking up whatever they can get. Wikipedia reports that about a third of all visitors are probably AI bots (and they use enormous amounts of bandwidth). A number of sites hosting software source code estimate that more than 90% of all traffic to their sites may be AI bots. It's all a bit fuzzy since most AI crawlers don't identify themselves as such, and pretend to be normal users.

The OTW hasn't released any similar data as far as I am aware, but my guess would be that Ao3 is being continuously crawled by all sorts of AI companies at every moment of the day. If you have a fanfic on Ao3, and it isn't locked to logged-in users only, then it's already going to be part of several AI training data sets. Only unlike this reddit guy, we'll never know for sure, because these AI training data sets won't be released to the public. Only the resulting AI models, or the chat bots that use these models, and whether that's illegal is… I dunno. Nobody knows. The US Supreme Court will probably answer that in 5-10 years time. Fun.

The solution I've seen from a lot of people is to lock their fics. That will, at best, only work for new fics and updates, it's not going to remove anything that e.g. OpenAI already knows.

And, of course, it assumes that these bots can't be logged in. Are they? I have no way of knowing. But if I didn't have a soul and ran an AI company, I might consider ordering a few interns to make a couple dozen to hundreds of Ao3 accounts. It costs nothing but time due to the queue system, and gets me another couple of million words probably.

In other words: I cannot guarantee that locked works are safe. Maybe, maybe not.

Also, I don't think there's a sure way to know whether any given work is included in the dataset or not. I suppose if ChatGPT can give you an accurate summary when you ask, then it's very likely to be in, but that's by no means a guarantee either way.

What to do? Honestly, I don't know. We can hope for AI companies to go bankrupt and fail, and I'm sure a lot of them will over the next five years, but probably not all of them. The answer will likely have to be political and on an international stage, which is not an easy terrain to find solutions for, well, anything.

Ultimately it's a personal decision. For myself, I think the joy I get from writing and having others read what I've written outweighs the risks, so my stories remain unlocked (and my blog posts as well, this very text will make its way into various data sets before too long, count on it). I can totally understand if others make other choices, though. It's all a mess.

Sorry to start, middle and end this on a downer, but I think it's important to be realistic here. We can't demand useful solutions for this from our politicians if we don't understand the problems.

[ahappydnp]

Hey so I hope this is okay to ask as i’m a bit confused and crazy atm. In the WIQYT screenshots going around again about the doc, the last one talks about Dan having self image issues. I was curious if you could possibly help spread some light on the subject maybe? I remember always seeing him posted on the proana blogs back in the day frequently, and even in Dan and Depression he says his lexapro made him “gain loads of weight” but it never seemed like anything visually changed. I know you’re not a mind reader and trying to understand another persons self image is impossible, I guess I just maybe don’t understand where this comes from. I know he used to rag on himself in videos by putting pillows down his shirt to signify that he was chubby as a kid even tho he never was from the pictures available. I’m aware this is very parasocial but I’ve been going through a lot self image wise and he never got to make his documentary where he talks about it and idk. To me, Daniel is lowkey a philosopher and i’m so desperate to hear what he has to say on the subject. Can you think of any times he’s talked about this kind of stuff? (Sorry for this being such a downer anon i just kinda feel like i need to hear about it rn and i don’t know where to look)

I hope your weekend is amazing and filled with joy and laughter!

like you said, no one knows what goes on inside someones mind especially things like insecurities. but i do think it's two seperate issues that dan has talked about (under the cut for sensitive topics)

i think it's important to remember how society treated weight in the early 00s, obviously it was muuuuch worse for women but boys would also get ridiculed for their weight regardless of their size. i assume that dan did get picked on for being bigger (more than likely he was probably just taller than his classmates but kids just really like generalizing words like "fat" and that sticks in your brain). it was such a shitty time for body acceptance as a whole and he was bullied so much i'm sure people did throw in weight comments just to add to the blow.

and like everything else that's going to stick and then when you're a little older you just repeat this truth that other people told you that "i was a fat kid and fat=bad just like gay=bad so i'm going to agree with them" of course that was suuuuuuper toxic and unhealthy and dan definitely did even more damage peddling casual fatphobia and making insensitive jokes online. but he was pretty openly struggling with his body image from the get go (all the ED comments he made in 2009) and as we know, there's generally another root cause. dan's talked about his self hatred when he was younger (particularly stemming from the bullying and his internalized homophobia) at length and it makes sense that manifested into body dysmorphia the second part is in that screenshot from WIQY he was specifically talking about gay men's beauty standards which is a whole different issue altogether. he's talked a lot about his baby face and how he's felt insecure about his lack of "masculine" features and build. he's talked about how people don't take him seriously because he doesn't look like "a man". there's also the added layer of him being the poster child for ~pretty boy twink~ who's now getting older and aging out of those very rigid beauty standards solely because he's no longer 21. but gay men can be incredibly toxic when it comes to labels and what's attractive (i mean think about the fact that grindr literally has a body type filter so you can exclude whole subsets of people). so he's not saying that he's not attractive or not the general beauty standard, it's that he came out and fell face first into gay standards discourse because he was actively engaging and consuming queer community in a new light

allll of this to say i COMPLETELY get how it can instinctively rub people the wrong way when dan howell, who was famously coined "the hot one" for years and has had people drooling over him his entire adult life, says he's insecure. it can feel like a slap in the face if you don't consider his own struggles but i do think he's self aware and healed enough to know that he's very much within societal beauty standards (tall, straight sized, white, eurocentric features) and has actually benefited greatly in his career because of his looks. and he's unpacked a lot of his fatphobia and has made a point to be vocally body positive even going back to like 2016/2017

[nohoperadio]

I mostly feel very positive about the way my tumblr career has gone so far, but if I'm being real the one big negative is that I keep getting people come up to me in the street to show me their spoon tattoos, and I just find it awkward because the tattoos are always without exception complete dogshit. Like this happens to me 2-3 times a week on average now, and I genuinely haven't seen a single one that doesn't look either really amateurish or just gaudy as fuck, they're all horrible, embarrassingly so. No good at all. You'd think there'd be a few good ones but no. And I try to smile and say something nice about it because I know they're excited to show me but I feel like they can see in my face that I'm just a bit pissed off about the whole situation and it's never a nice moment and it puts such a downer on the rest of my day. It's getting to the point now where even when this hasn't happened for a while something will remind me of the bad spoon tattoos and I'll just get so angry and it spoils my mood for hours, that's what prompted me writing this post I guess, I've been feeling especially bitter about it today. On the more positive side I've met some really great people on here who I love and cherish dearly.

[strniohoeee]

matt despises reader but after noticing that she is having a hard period between anxiety and depression he gifts her a basket full of goodies, like books (she loves to read), fluffy socks, candles and she thinks it's a joke but he ends up confessing

Fall

Pairing:Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: Matt is blind to the readers true feelings as he’s so focused on his own. It takes some separation and an Instagram post for him to realize he messed up🎈

Warnings⚠️: None, hope you enjoy though because I’m hating my writing as of lately 🥹❤️

Song for the imagine: I Wonder- The Willowz

I’m laughing, but you’re laughing at me

And I think “oh how could this be?”

And I wonder if it could be the same

He kept looking at me the whole night, and it was starting to annoy me. His face made my blood boil. Like what do you want? It was like he was grilling me

Matt hated me, and to be honest I wasn’t sure why. I didn’t even care really, but he made hanging out with Chris and Nick boring. He was such a Debby downer, and he ruined my already shitty mood constantly.

Nick always told me to ignore him which I did for the most part, but honestly his weird attitude has been making my anxiety worse.

“What do you want?” He asked him finally getting fed up

“Nothing” he said getting defensive

“Well then quit staring” I said rolling my eyes

“You wish” he said scoffing

I started to hangout with them more because my at home life had become difficult. I was slipping into a depression I’ve never been through before. With that came my anxiety, and I just wanted to be away from my room

Of course Nick and Chris didn’t mind it. I was actually shocked Matt found it to be annoying since he struggles with anxiety, but I ignored it.

I often sat with them reading. I didn't mind that they didn’t have plans. I just wanted to be in their presence. It made me feel better.

“You come here almost everyday, and then you just sit around reading” Matt says laughing

“I like to read” I said flipping the page

“Yeah I know” he said shaking his head

“What’s it to you anyways? Not like I’m bothering you” I said laughing at him

“It’s just why not stay home if all you’re doing is reading” he said

“Well Matthew maybe it’s because some people have a difficult time at home, and want to get away from it” I said looking up at him

“Doesn’t mean you have to come here” he said rolling his eyes

“You’re such a dick all the time” I said to him

“The doors right there” he said shrugging his shoulders

“You just don’t get it, do you?” I responded slamming my book shut and scooting away from the table harshly

“Oh come on” he said rolling his eyes

I ignored him and grabbed my stuff, and decided to head home. Matt was such a fucking dick, and I was so over his prissy attitude.

He made me feel like shit, and it was getting harder to be myself and try and have fun. I never wanted to see him again.

I really tried to ignore him, but I really couldn’t. His over analyzing me made me super self conscious, and I was beginning to hate myself.

After that day I had decided to stay home and not really bother them. I truly didn’t want them to think I just used them or anything. Slowly this made me slip into a depression.

Chris and Nick had been texting me daily, but I would rarely ever answer them. Too embarrassed to tell them that Matt had made me hate going to their house. I knew this would make them upset with their brother

I had been sitting in my living room reading Where The Wind Blows when suddenly I heard a loud knock at my front door.

I was a bit concerned as to who would be knocking at my door at 9PM on a Thursday night. However I shut my book and decided to answer the door.

Shock plastered on my face at who was standing in front of me.

“Matt?” I questioned raising my eyebrow

“Uhh can we speak?” He said holding something behind his back awkwardly

“I guess” I said moving out the way to let him in

He walked in, and I shut the door really confused as to why he was here.

“I’m sorry, can I help you with something?” I said shaking my head

“I got you this” he blurts out and turned around to hand me a gift basket

There were flowers, candles, candies, and books. I grabbed it and looked at him still confused

“Matt what is this?” I said blinking at him

“Well I got you roses because they’re your favorite, and then I got you candles and here’s the thing I couldn’t pick just one because I know you love the vanilla candle, but you also love Mahogany Teakwood, but then you also love the peppermint one; so I got you all of them. And then I know you said you loved Twilight but never read the books. So I went to get you the first one, but then I realized you’d have to read all of them, so I got the complete series. And when I was buying candy I remembered all the candies you listed to me like a year ago that you liked, so I had to get them all and-“ he was rambling until I cut him off

“No Matt I mean why are you giving me this?” I said placing the basket down on the table next to us

“Oh….I wanted to say I’m sorry” he said looking down

“Sorry?” I said cocking my head to the side

“I’ve been such an asshole to you lately, and it was wrong. Most of the time I’m joking, but I realized you’re sensitive, WAIT NO not like that I just mean I joke the wrong way with you. And that’s my fault, so I’m sorry. But also I’m a really dry person and I like to people watch. And I also realized that that comes off mean and weird. It’s not what I meant” he said talking fastly

“Matt, calm down. It’s okay” I said getting flustered

“And I should’ve realized what you were going through sooner. I hadn’t realized how bad you had gotten” he said shaking his head

“What do you mean?” I asked

“Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” he stated

“I’m sorry?” I said furrowing my eyebrows

“Well you see I remember you told me you only watch that movie when you’re super depressed, and you posted it on your story a few days ago. It made me open my eyes” he stated

“Matt how do you remember all this” I said letting out a nervous giggle

“Can’t you see? I’m madly in love with you” he said blinking

“You’re what?” I said my jaw dropping and heat rising to my cheeks

“I just wasn’t sure how to go about it because I don’t know how to open up about my feelings and I realize I was actually pushing you further away from me because I just don’t know how to act around you and once again I’m sorry” he said stepping a bit closer

“Matt, it's okay. You were an asshole to me, but I also wasn’t the nicest in trying to understand you” I said

“I mean no it’s not okay. I’m not sure why I couldn’t just open up to you and tell you how I really feel without completely destroying it.” He replied

“I’m just shocked you remembered so much about me” I said looking over at the gift basket

“How could I not? You’re the most interesting person in my life” he replied blinking softly at me

“You’re really throwing me for a loop here” I said laughing

“I know, and it’s because I’m an idiot who can’t get my shit together” he said signing

“It’s okay Matt. I appreciate all of this. I’m truly grateful” I said pulling him in for a hug

“I just really like you and I’m sorry that I just couldn’t figure out how to reciprocate that properly” he said letting go of me

“ I mean yes you did go about it horribly but I’m glad you let me know I mean hey it’s better late than never” I said offering him a smile

“Do you….do you like me too?” He asked

“You could say something like that” I said blushing and looking down

Matt gave me a smile and pulled me in. Our lips crashing together in a sweet yet passionate kiss. My heart flutters at the action.

That night Matt and I bonded over everything you could think of. Laying in his arms as we laughed about anything and everything.

It’s so weird what communication can do. It can really make or break you.

And it made us.

The End

Yalllll I’m hating everything I write. I tried to make this one decent. I'm sorry yall LMAOAOA. But anyways I hope you enjoyed it and I love yall dearly🥹🖤🖤

-J💅🏽

[hazel-eye-coffee-shop-girl-blog]

Limelight Series - Chapter 5

Happy Monday! So this chapter 5 of Limelight is a bit longer than the last couple of ones for a few reasons.

1) I felt after reading the first draft of this chapter that I was ending on a downer conclusion, which I really didn’t want to do.

2) This longer version gives a wide range of emotions which I think make for a fun reading experience. We get some swooning times with Jensen, some angst, some laughs, and then ends on a cliffhanger, but I think it’s a more manageable one.

I want to thank you all for reading this story and going on this journey with me and a big thank you to @hobby27 for sending in the ask/message for this story.

All your likes, reblogs, comments and ask to be on the tag list are appreciated and helps my confidence grow as a writer.

I am thinking this story has one more chapter to it, but I am really liking these two, so I may come back to them from time to time.

If you haven't read chapter four, click here to read it and then come back to read chapter 5.

This series came way of a message/ask from @hobby27 she asked:

"I would love something with Jensen and reader. He sees her when he’s at a convention and he’s bonkers for her. She isn’t so interested in a relationship with him because of the fame. So he has to woo her. Make her understand that he’s not a typical movie/tv star. Slow burn."

So I give you the Limelight series- It's a Jensen x reader (plus size, curvy girl) story, Jensen meets the reader in a bar, he falls fist, she is reluctant of course, but secretly she fell for him the second he walked through the door. So can a small town girl and a celebrity make it work?

Warnings for the whole series: language, multi-pov and switching between the pov mid chapters (sorry I can't help it), Jensen coming off aggressive for a hot second but then cooling off. Some douche side characters and some lovable ones, body shaming, angst, fluff, swoon, Jared is there and Micha is mention.

This story takes place an AU where Jensen is not married but Jared is and has kids.

This chapter is 4K+. Feedback, likes and reblogs are always welcomed. Please don't post as your own work, this is my work. If you would like to be added to my tag list, just ask, I am always happy to add you.

Thanks!

Next Morning

Your 5 am alarm goes off and fills the dead silence of your darkened room with that of the standard chime tones that progressively get louder and louder before you slap the phone and shut the alarm off. Fuck, why does 5 am come so goddamn early, you think. Your brain quickly catches up and reminds you why you have a splitting headache about your date with Jensen and the makeout session to end all makeout sessions.

You bolt up in bed and silently pray your alarm doesn't wake him. However, for him to hear the alarm, he would have to be in your bed, and he's not. Being the gentleman he is, he insisted that he take the spare bedroom since he didn't want to drive back to the city at such a late hour and didn't want to rush things with you. 

You are thankful he suggested the sleeping arrangements since you were also not ready to share a bed with him. Getting up and finding your navy plaid robe to wrap yourself in as you head out of your room and down the hall to Jensen. 

The door is open, and you see that his bed is already made up, and the sound of the coffee pot pulls you to the kitchen. He's there with his back to you, searching in the fridge. 

"I told you I didn't have much in the house." You say, startling him, as he quickly turns around to face you. You give him a smile, walk over to him, and grab two coffee cups from the cabinet. 

"Yeah, you don't." He jokingly agrees and shuts the fridge door. "Guess we will just have to go out then." He says, leaning in to give you a kiss. 

You quickly turn your head so his lips make contact with your cheek and not your lips. "Well, that's different from last night." He says with confusion, wondering what had changed in the few hours apart. He thought you two were on the same page when you went to bed last night.

You quickly turn to face him and give him a reassuring smile. "Sorry, I haven't brushed my teeth yet. As soon as I woke up, I came to find you." You reach behind him and grab the coffee to pour him and yourself cups. 

"I just assume you wouldn't want to taste my nasty morning breath, is all." Bringing the steaming mug to your lips, you start to blow in it to cool it slightly. 

Jensen waits for you to take a drink, and he does the same. Once you set the mug down, he pulls you to him and touches your lips. "I could never not want your lips on mine. Morning breath or otherwise." He states, after breaking from you. "So where do we get breakfast? Rosie's?" He questions, leaning up against the counter and drinking his coffee.

You take a moment, taking him all in. His casual demeanor, just hanging out in your kitchen drinking coffee on a Saturday morning, makes it seem as if this is a regular thing that you two do. 

"How can you make me weak in the knees one minute by kissing me and declaring you love my morning breath and, in the next breath, casually talk about where we're going to get breakfast from?" You question, wrapping your arms around yourself and wondering how this guy is real and how he is still single if he uses lines like that one on women?

He gives a short laugh, " Well, first of all, I love that I make you weak in the knees with my kisses. I will definitely use that to my advantage in the future. Second, you make me feel like myself. I can be myself around you. I don't have to put up a front or be 'on,' as I call it, when I am around other famous people, my management team, and fans." 

He sets down the empty mug in the sink and pulls the robe tied to him and you along with it. 

"Lastly, I don't use these 'lines' on other women; you're the only one I have felt this way in a very long time, " he states, giving a chase kiss. 

You let your head fall onto his chest. "Oh my god, I actually said that out loud! I am such a dork!" Your voice muffled as you talked into his chest, embarrassed to even look up.

Jensen gives a short laugh that shakes his torso. "Don't be, you're adorable. I love that you say what's on your mind. It's refreshing." He replies, rubbing his hand on your back. "Now, where can I take you for breakfast, and do you prefer pancakes or waffles?"

****

You decide on breakfast in the city, actually in the hotel lobby, since Jensen needs to get back for an 8 am panel, and you need to do some work at your studio anyway. Of course, Jensen insisted that you ride with him and that he could bring you back home once he was done for the day. Still, you won out with the argument that there was less chance of the paparazzi snapping a photo of you leaving his car and printing another salacious story about you two if you drove separately.

Jensen must have called ahead while driving, as the hotel was ready for you two once you arrived and made sure to have a corner booth in a private area waiting for you. Getting to the booth and sitting down proved most challenging for Jensen. Fans have camped out around the lobby and flock to him as soon as he steps in.

You entered the lobby a few moments after him, and although he gives you a pleading, 'I am so sorry about this look.' You knew better than to try and intervene or save him. He has Quinn holding the fans back at arm's length, and you start walking towards the restaurant when Evan approaches you. 

"This way, Miss. Y/N," Evan says in a serious, low voice, lightly placing a hand on your elbow and guiding you through the restaurant, bypassing the hostess station and going to the private area behind.

"This isn't necessary; I am a big girl and could have found my way." You quip, pulling your arm back from his touch. Jensen is the only one who you will let manhandle you. Hoping he will leave as soon as you get to the table.

"Sorry, it's my job. You don't have to like it, but I am here for Mr. Ackles's and his protection." He replies, keeping his face stone cold and neutral, showing no emotion or feeling whatsoever.

You take your seat facing away from the entrance, not needing to watch the mob that is still going on in the lobby. "Well, maybe you should go out there and help Quinn. I am fine with sitting by myself." Picking up the menu, you fake look it over as if it was the most exciting thing you would read today.

"My brother can handle it. Mr. Ackles asks that I stay with you."

Oh fuck, so they are brothers. "I don't need a babysitter, and your conversation skills are something to be desired, to say the least. Lest we forget you and I didn't get off on the right foot a few days ago." You quip, remembering that he was the one who was disappointed in the fact Jensen and Jared had dragged them out to a bar in the sticks.

You pull your eyes from the menu to see his face has fallen, and he looks genuinely upset by your words. 

"That wasn't my finest hour, Miss. I am sorry about that. I was a bit buzzed and tired from working all day." He starts to explain to himself, "That's no excuse. I was off the clock but acting not professionally at all."

He is genuine in his apology. "It's fine. Nothing I haven't heard before." You reply, it's best to put it in the past and move on. It's not like you will see him again after this weekend, nor will you see Jensen again. 

Losing your appetite suddenly, you look at your phone and see it's 1/2 hour to 8 am. Fuck, he's never going to make it to his panel if he doesn't get in here. 

"Is there a back way out of here?" You ask, getting up from the booth and quickly glancing at the lobby. The crowd has not let up, and although you want to stay and have more time with Jensen, you also know you've lived in this fairytale long enough.

You look back to Evan, and he seems slightly panicked and confused. “Yes, through the kitchen. The back door opens to the alleyway." He says pointing to the kitchen behind him.

"Great, thanks." You say, making your way past him, stopping and turning back. 

"Tell Jensen…I had to…something came up, and I am sorry." You give him a nod and turn back to walk out of the restaurant and out of Jensen's life. 

****

You put your phone on Do Not Disturb mode as the back door to the restaurant shuts behind you in the alleyway. Letting out the breath you had held ever since you got up from the table. Your lungs feel on fire as you walk the few blocks from the hotel towards your studio, your second safe haven.

Holding back the tears you felt coming on as soon as you had walked away from the table, you keep your composure until your studio door shuts behind you, and you can finally cry it out.

Sliding down to sit on the wood floors, the feeling of the world's weight is somehow off your shoulders, even though you're more miserable than ever. 

Why did you let him get under your skin, into your heart, and make you feel something again? How could you think this would have ended any differently? 

He wasn't going to give up everything for you. You wouldn't wake up and be OK with living in the spotlight, having your every move watched and analyzed by every stranger who picks up a gossip magazine. To compete with fans for his attention, becoming resentful over time, and learning to get along with the bodyguards.

“Fuck!!!!” You yell out, slamming your head against the door and your fists into your thighs. You have never been more thankful this studio was sound proof in your life. 

You sit on the floor for a few hours. You have no energy to move or do anything; you just sit with your thoughts, thinking about him, replaying your conversations repeatedly. Remembering his lips on yours, feeling his body against yours, how you wish you could just get over your insecurities and just be with him. Stop being too rational and thinking about the long game.

You're probably overthinking, thinking he's heartbroken by your leaving. You're sure he's not. Maybe he's happy you decided to walk away so he didn't have to. Ultimately, he keeps his face and looks like the good guy.

A knock at your door pulls you back from going down that dark thought process of him just using you. God damnit, you really don't want to see anyone. 

Keeping quiet, you hope whoever it is will just leave. But they keep knocking. Finally, you get up, dusting your pants off and wiping your cheeks; you take a deep breath and open the door.

****

"What the hell are you doing?" James questions, giving you a look of confusion and slightly pissed off. 

You're taken aback by his attitude. " Excuse me?" you ask, keeping the door slightly closed as you stand in the slightly open doorway and not letting him in.

"I said, what the hell are you doing? You up and leave Jensen in a restaurant with no explanation. And then don't answer your phone while he calls and leaves you dozens of texts and voicemails. The man is out of his mind!" He states he is trying his best but failing to keep his voice reasonable. 'Are you going to let me in or what?' he asks, not waiting for an answer as he pushes his way through.

You're slightly stunned by his tone. James is not one to get pissy with you. Even at his worst, when you two have fought before, he's always the level head of the two of you. 

"Do come in," you quip. Shutting the door behind him, you turn to see he has made his way to the couch. 

Giving the cushion a light pat next to him, you leave and sit down. "Explain yourself." He states after a few moments of silence.

"What? I told Evan that I had to go. Oh, did you know Evan and Quinn are brothers? Besides, Jensen was busy with his fan, and he wasn't going to make it to have breakfast with me and his 8 am panel. So I figure…." you start rambling but then let the conversation drop off. 

James obviously knows what happened or some version of it. "How did you get rope into this?" You question, now wondering why and how he was here?

"Jensen called me when he couldn't reach you. He was, and is, worried about you, " he said, handing me my phone. 

I click it open to see a dozen text messages from Jensen and his voicemails. Begging for you to let him know you are alright, asking for a simple yes or no. Seeing the distress you caused him, how could you be so selfish. 

You're sure he hasn't been himself all day, and the fans have probably noticed. Another reason for them to hate you. "Fuck…what have I done….he probably hates me!" You state to no one. 

Sliding open the text chain, you can quickly send a reply.

You: I'm so sorry. Please don't be mad. I'm fine. I hate that you have been worried about me. Please, I'm fine. 

Jensen: I am not mad. I want to talk. Please, can we talk tonight?

The thought of talking with him about something that can't be changed. You either need to learn to live with or live without this. What more is there to say?

Jensen: Y/N… Please, talk to me.

You know he won't let up. 

You: Come by the studio tonight when you're free. 

Jensen: I will see you at 7, thank you.

You close the text chain and set your phone on the side table. You look up to see James waiting for an explanation. 

"Spill, don't leave anything out. You owe me that much since I had to drive into this god-awful city." He quips, giving you a smile and wink to let you know he wasn't mad that he had to drive in.

"Fine, but I think we need a drink or something," you reply, getting up from the couch and heading for the door.

****

You talked everything out with James over a pint of margaritas and the best greasy tacos, chips, and queso on this side of the Mason-Dixon line. 

"Girl, he is in love with you! how can you not see it!" James exclaims, finishing off his third margarita and pouring the rest of the pitcher into your glass. 

"Can I get another one!" he states, holding up the empty pitcher and motioning to our waitress.

The restaurant is dead, so his outburst through the quiet restaurant is jarring.

"Keep your voice down!" You hush him and give the waitress a sympathetic smile as she picks up the empty pitcher and plates. 

"I promise a hug tip is coming your way," you say to her, hoping it will comfort her.

She gives you a smile, "You're fine, really. If you guys weren't here, I would have to be in the back cleaning. Please take all the time you want." She states, turning and walking back towards the bar.

"She is sweet and a good worker. You should see if she is looking for a second job. She would be…" You start to divert the conversation away from you and your impending relationship with Jensen. Was it a relationship? You've been on two dates and made out a bit.

James can see right through your antics and cuts you off. "No, we are not discussing my need for more staff at the bar. We are here to talk about you and Jensen. So spill why you are sabotaging yourself, " he states, leaning back in the booth, plucking a chip out of the basket.

You let out an audible sigh. God, you hate talking about yourself and your feelings especially. 

"Ok, OK, OK, I am just being a realist. It's never going to work out between him and me. It's just not," you state, hoping that will suffice.

"And why do you think it can't work? He's crazy about you. You've said that you have fun together and feel like yourself around him." Throwing your words back at you. 

James has that perfect recall to remind you what you said when you were happy. Taking a smug drink, he knows that he's right, that you have been happy these last few days.

Ugh, taking a beat, you pour yourself a drink and down it. Fuck, thinking about this is one thing, but saying it out loud.  Running your hands through your hair, you let out another sigh before finally saying it. 

"Because he's….him, and I am nobody. Why would he want to be with someone who can't deal with being in the spotlight, someone that everyone will judge him for being with." Taking a beat, you know, was a lot. Even hearing you say it and putting yourself down like that, you know it's not good, but reality hurts, right?

The waitress comes by, silencing you before you plunge the last dancer in you. "Do you guys need anything else?" She says sweetly, giving you a smile.

"No, just the check will be fine, thanks." You reply, trying your best to be upbeat, but you know you're falling.

"OK, sure. Is it on one or…." She drops the sentence, unsure if we are together or just friends. 

"Together." Both James and I say at the same time.

She snickers, pulls the check out, and sets it in the middle of the table. "Whenever you're ready, I will be back."

You quickly grab the check, but James beats you to it. "What are you doing?" you ask, feeling that you should be the one to pay since we talked about your problems the whole time.

"It's on me, girl," he says, pulling out his credit card and handing the check and card to the waitress. 

“Now, where were we? Oh yes, you lying to yourself and me about why you and Jensen wouldn't work."

"Look, I just know he is in one class, and I am in another, OK. God knows I am not the prettiest girl he could have on his arm or live up to his typical model arm candy." You mumble out.

"Oh, hell no! Y/N, don't you ever think you're not beautiful, OK." James tries to keep his anger and voice in check at a reasonable volume. 

"You are beautiful, a knockout. Do you think he's been slumming it with you these past few days? That once this conference is over, he is going to forget about you and move on to the next town and next girl?"

"Yeah, in a nutshell, that sounds about right." You reply, knowing that James will always come to your defense, especially when it comes to you putting yourself down.

"Has he ever done that? Has he ever come off as a douchebag player?"

"Well, no, but…"

"Exactly, so why would he start now with you? There is a reason why he's never been with anyone long-term."

"Oh, do tell, what is that reason then? And when did you become such an expert in all things Jensen Ackles love life?" You question, wondering where this enlightenment knowledge is coming from.

The waitress stops James from answering, coming back with his card. "Thanks again, guys…and for the record, I think you and Jensen make a cute couple," she says, giving you a smile and wink. 

You're stunned by her comment. She either listened in on the conversation or recognized you from the tabloid. Either way, it was nice of her to say such a nice comment without prompting. 

"Umm…" you're about to thank her, but she doesn't wait for your response. Turning back to head towards the kitchen.

James quickly signs the bill and leaves a generous tip. "See, someone else thinks you and Jensen should be together," he quips. 

Sliding out of the booth. "Let's go, got to get you back to the studio." He states, heading for the door.

****

The walk back is short, and James doesn't pick up the conversation, which you're OK with since talking about this in the restaurant was one thing, but out on the busy street, where anyone could hear, yeah, not going to happen.

Back at your studio, you open the door and walk in, but James stays in the doorway. 

"What? You're not coming in?" you ask. Looking at your phone, you see that you still have a few hours until Jensen should show up.

"I am going to go. You need time by yourself before he gets here, that's all."

"OK, but you never answer me about his love life. Why do you think it's all fake?"

"I mean, come on, his management team has to be behind it. I am sure it was all for publicity; he had to show up with someone." He takes a pause, and you can tell there is more. You give him your perfected stare-down that always gets him to talk. 

"OK, fine, Micha told me, alright!"

"What!? When did you talk with Micha? And why were you talking about Jensen's dating life with him?" You question, now wondering what James said and what Micha knew. Did he know about you baling on Jensen today? Fuck, what did the other cast members think?

"Look, Jensen came through. Micha and Jared showed up at the bar the other night, and we hung out and talked. They both knew that Jensen was out seeing you, and I may have come off a little bit like a protective older brother…"

"What the hell did you say, James!" Now, I really feel your cheeks red from embarrassment. God, why do you do this to me!

"No, it's fine. I just asked if Jensen was a good guy or a player. I keep it very cool and casual. OK, I didn't act all 'I got a shotgun in my truck, and I know how to use it' mode." 

"Ugh, OK, fine, I can't be mad at you for caring." You conceded, knowing that he was coming from a good place and that you should be so lucky that he cares for you like a friend so much that you do not want to see you get hurt.

"So what else has got you wanting to put the breaks on this and shut him out?" He asks, leaning against the door frame. 

"I don't know if I can get used to being second place to his fans. And I would never ask him to choose between me or his career. The idea of having people follow me around taking photos, digging through my past and personal life."

"That's true; it would be something that you would have to get used to, but it's also something that you and he need to discuss and work through. You can't just drop him for something he can't completely control. Do you think he likes having to sneak around or keep you waiting because he can't escape a group of fans? I am sure he would have rather spent his morning with you."

"You're right. I need to be honest with him, tell him what I feel, and see where he is with everything. Come to some understanding."

"Exactly." James phone goes off, and he quickly looks at the incoming text, 

"Oh, I have to go. I am meeting someone," he says cheekily, giving you a smile and wink.

"Would it be Micha?" You question, now wishing he would stay so you could start grilling him about his interactions with the superstar.

"Maybe…come here", he says, slipping his phone back into his pocket. He reaches for you and brings you in for one of his best hugs. Holding you tight against him, the feel of him, the pressure of his arms around you, helps ground you. 

"You got this; just be honest with him," he says in your ear.

"I will," you say back, holding on for a few more seconds before letting go.

To Be Continued......

Tags List:

@ladysparkles78 @smoothdogsgirl @n-o-p-e-never @stoneyggirl @lmhf1 @kr804573 @deansimpalababy @livingdeadblondequeen @winchesterwild78

[blixabargelds]

I want you to know even if you never post fic again superstar john and gale mean so much to me. the fact that there are so many folks involved in mota writing about addiction in real and tangible and kind ways is so so so so important and special to me kissessssss

(Also take this as an opportunity to say whatever you want about gale my beloved and his recovery pls)

🥺🥺 this means soo much wow thank u. it’s so important to me and i think writing about addiction in a way that’s both real and good fiction is always going to be tricky because no two addicts are the same, and some parts will make some people uncomfortable, everyone has a different perspective, so i am aware that it’s not simple to write about and i’m sooo happy that people have been so receptive to our perspective on it.

hehehe galeeeee !!! his recovery is soo bumpy for a while he’s really really deep in it and sick when he goes to rehab and codependent and resistant to help so without too many spoilers it’s like. it is not linear kfhfkdj. i’ll be real and personal for a sec, gale’s recovery reflects my own a lot. there’s a lot of both me and elo through the whole story but for me gale’s recovery is maybe the most projection ?? i guess?? i kind of feel like that word has negative connotations. it’s cathartic i guess. a vehicle to be real about some of my own experiences. he knows he’s got a problem but he doesn’t think it’s bad enough that he needs to stop forever (it is/ he does) (edit for further context if curt n rosie didn’t drop him off at rehab n he continued to use like he is at that point he would not be around longer than a week most likely hffhfjd). he’s got other serious issues he’s been burying with downers that come to the surface when he gets clean and he yo-yos for a bit between replacing opioids with indulging in them and wishing he could just numb them with drugs again. he gets bitchy and very emotional and scared he slips up and he goes to meetings for probably the rest of his life. he gets there tho. reallyyy slowly but he does ❤️❤️❤️

[my-soul-sings]

the days of us: ch 1 - jealousy

Fandom: Love and Deepspace Characters: Zayne, Caleb and MC Genres: Family, Comedy, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Angst

Summary: The three were pretty much inseparable, until it was time to say goodbye.

// A collection of stories about Caleb, Zayne and MC until they part ways.

ch 1 | ch 2 | ch 3 | ch 4 | ch 5 | ch 6 | ch 7 | ch 8 | ch 9 | ch 10 | ch 11 | ch 12 (end)

*See replies to this post for the AO3 link.

A/N: I'm a sucker for childhood friends fluff so I've been meaning to write a Zayne & Caleb & MC one for the longest time! This series acts like a sort of filler between canon events and also what I imagine their childhood might have been like, so there is some overarching plot linking the chapters together.

Just a note that I refer to them as "oppa" bc I listen to the korean dub when playing the game. I hope you enjoy!

+++++++++++++

As far as first impressions went, Caleb didn’t like Zayne. Not one bit. 

The older boy quietly stepped through the front door, trailing behind his parents who were speaking with Granny. He was taller than Caleb, wearing thick-rimmed spectacles and holding a book in his right hand. Caleb couldn’t understand the words printed on the worn cover, but he could guess that it was something to do with medicine; Granny had told him that they would be having a new friend visiting a little more frequently now. Apparently his parents were both renowned doctors and he would probably one day become one too. 

It was impressive for sure, but Caleb had expected someone a little more outgoing and smiley. The boy before him was quiet, somewhat gloomy, and honestly seemed like he’d be a downer at parties. His face was stoic and it was like looking into the face of a robot; Caleb couldn’t guess what he was thinking. 

Their eyes met briefly then, and Zayne looked away first, bringing his book up to his chest like it was his only shield in this very awkward and uncomfortable situation. Clearly, this guy didn’t do that well in social settings. Or was he too smart for them or something? Sheesh. 

MC, on the other hand, seemed quite excited. The shy girl was half-hidden behind Caleb’s frame, but she was peeking out to steal not-so-subtle glances at their new visitor, wide-eyed and curious. She tugged on the hem of Caleb’s shirt, drawing his attention to her. 

He leaned down, and she cupped her hands to whisper directly in his ear. “Is that our new friend?” 

Caleb nodded. “Yeah.” 

“But he’s older than us, right?” 

“Mhmm.” 

“So does that make him our oppa?” 

Caleb felt his heart sink like a rock in that instant. He was always the only person she ever called oppa — and now this punk would be coming along and stealing his title?

Still, he couldn’t show his jealousy or annoyance; Granny had reminded him to be nice because Zayne had just moved into the neighbourhood. So he forced a smile, and ruffled her hair, much to her displeasure. “You can just call him—” 

“Come here, you two. Say ‘hi’ to Zayne. He’s your hyung and oppa,” Granny said, gesturing to Caleb and MC in turn. 

Zayne’s parents ushered him forward, and he cleared his throat before extending his hand to Caleb for a handshake. Caleb found it weird; what happened to a simple wave and a smile? Still, he accepted it firmly, and was mildly surprised to find that Zayne’s hand was ice cold, even though it was in the middle of summer. 

“I’m Zayne. It’s nice to meet you.” 

“Nice to meet you too… hyung.”

“I’m MC!” The little girl dashed out from behind Caleb — so much for being shy — and linked her arm through Zayne’s, almost causing him to lose his grip on his book. He seemed flustered, unsure of how to deal with the girl who was so enthusiastically greeting him even though they had only just met. 

“H-Hello… I’m Zayne.” 

“Granny said you have an Evol too! Can you show us?” 

Zayne seemed rather taken aback by the sudden request, and he turned to his parents who nodded back at him in approval. Then he returned his gaze to the little girl before him, as his cheeks began to turn slightly pink. 

“It’s nothing impressive…” 

Light blue crystals began to form in his hand, and the air around him started to feel cooler. Everyone watched in anticipation as the crystals gradually came together to form a little white seal in his palm, which he then extended to MC. 

“H-Here.” 

MC stared at the object curiously, her fingers poking at the seal to see if it would come apart like the snowmen in the backyard usually did. But this one was firm and cool to the touch. She accepted the snow seal from Zayne, and then her lips formed a wide grin. 

“You’re so cool, Zayne oppa!” 

Caleb’s chest felt heavy, suffocating, and as he watched MC gluing herself to Zayne’s side and asking him to make more snow figures, it didn’t take long for him to realise what exactly this emotion stirring within him was. 

His eyes met with Zayne’s briefly, and this time, he was the first to look away. 

Jealousy. 

[oneatlatime]

The Tales of Ba Sing Se PART 2

The Tale of Zuko

Maybe I should make a Zuko's Stupid Faces post.

Zuko and Iroh's whole dynamic in one frame.

This girl is cute. Total girl next door type. She does have fairly horrible taste in men, but she's also very cute.

I just want to take a minute to point out a VERY important distinction. Zuko is not going out on a date. Zuko is not taking a girl out on a date. A girl is taking Zuko out on a date. She's got that arm in a death grip. Not only is that a clever reversal of the usual hetero dynamic, but I'm convinced it's the only way Zuko would ever get any action, so it's also in character.

I know Zuko's social skills are non-existent, but apart from the blow up at the waiter he is actually trying. He's failing, but I have to give him points for trying.

The way this girl's voice actress says "You juggled" made my ears very happy. And the beleaguered "yes. I juggled." is equally good.

Zuko! Tell her you did sword stuff! That's something you can actually do!

It gives me hope that someone so steeped in the most toxic parts of the Fire Nation, for so long, can STILL be so bad at lying, but it would certainly be a handy skill right about now.

I take it back. This girl does have good taste in men. Zuko's such a softie when it counts. He still sucks at being normal, but he just risked his identity because the girl he didn't even plan to go out with was a little bit sad.

This girl is the best.

Ha! He kissed her back! He Did! I saw that!

I take back what I took back. Zuko's evil again. He made my new favourite girl droop.

I love that Iroh's waiting up for him while making it look like he isn't waiting up for him. How many times on their ship, when Zuko was out Blue Spiriting, do you think Iroh found a reason to be randomly sat on the deck at 3 am?

Character development baby! Can you really call yourself loyal to the fire nation if you admit to having a good time on a date with an Earth Kingdom girl?

The Tale of Momo

Pretty.

That was a FILTHY bait and switch. For one shining moment, I had Appa back.

They should take that to June.

Not Appa.

Also not Appa.

I did not have 'Momo gets gaslit' on my Avatar Bingo card. Nor did I have 'interspecies animal friendship angst.'

Are these cat things the raccoons of the Avatar universe? Or the squirrels? Urban scroungers?

I love the idea that this guy just grabs the closest squirrel, sticks a hat on it, and expects it to dance. He got lucky with Momo.

I thought they were taking the animals to the pound, but this is very much a butcher. Which means that in Ba Sing Se, they eat varmint. Stay away from the hot dog carts.

That's very effective Simglish.

Thank god for thumbs.

Aw they're friends! This has Aristocats vibes, when O'Malley and the girl cat are getting together near the end.

And one final Fuck You, because god forbid Momo's tale ends on a happy note.

I'm guessing that's an Appa print, but couldn't it also be a platypus bear?

Something about the cats standing vigil over Momo's grief gets to me.

Final thoughts

I'll go through each of these stories individually, but first some general comments.

Last episode was kind of intense, and definitely ended on a downer (not that this one didn't), so it was a good call to at least start this episode off on something a bit gentler.

I was really impressed with the soundtrack throughout. Apart from the Tale of Momo where it's the animal noises that are front and centre, the music is doing a lot of work in every story, the strings especially. The strings are doing emotional work, plot stuff, and even humour. Seriously, next time you rewatch this episode, pay attention to the strings. These shorts are actually very light on dialogue (apart from Sokka's), but they don't feel that way because the music is doing the talking.

I'm assuming that this all took place over three days at least, since Iroh, Zuko, and Momo's tales seem to end on different evenings. So I don't think calling this episode 'day in the life' is accurate. My bad. It also occurs to me that this kind of episode format would be a great way of showing time has passed. If they had had an episode like this in the Northern Water Tribe - after Katara beat the crap out of Poophead but before the Fire Nation attacked - I would have liked the pacing of the whole finale arc better.

On to the stories!

The Tale of Toph and Katara

It might be because I didn't understand what this episode was doing yet, but this one didn't do much for me. It was good to see Toph have a moment of self-doubt, but I never would have assumed, based on her previous behaviour, that her appearance was her proverbial weak spot. Katara did a really good job at building her back up, and she was delightfully (and appropriately) understated for once. When she's reassuring Aang of something (especially in Season 1) Katara tends to got from 0 to 60 very quickly, so it was nice to see her be reassuring in a quiet, non-steamrolling way. Is this Katara character development? Apart from the fact that Toph quite literally got her eyeballs sanded, nothing much in this episode stuck out to me. Except those bitchy voices. Those were like knives in my brain.

The Tale of Iroh

So many questions! Is Lu Ten buried in Ba Sing Se? How is that grave not defaced yet? How did Iroh get a copy of his son's picture? They lost everything at the North Pole, right? Did he ask the people who got him their passports for a picture of his son too? Does Zuko know/remember that it's his cousin's birthday? If so, why isn't he there offering Iroh the world's most awkward hug? Given the fact that Iroh spent the whole day helping people, including a very misguided youth, and given that Iroh says something along the lines of "if only I could have helped you [his son]" does this imply that Lu Ten was going through a crisis at the time of his death? Was he misguided like the wannabe mugger? Is Zuko not the first Fire Nation Prince that Iroh has had to guide through an identity/existential crisis? Is Zuko going to be the first time Iroh succeeds at guiding a Fire Nation prince through an identity/existential crisis? Does Iroh live in perpetual fear of failing Zuko the way he seems to believe he failed his son? Am I reading too much into this?

To be quite honest, this story would have hit me harder if I had remembered going into it that Iroh had a son. Lu Ten takes being a textual ghost to a whole new level. Also the 'In honor of Mako' text confused me. And worried me a little.

The Tale of Aang

I liked this one! Aang can't help Appa at the moment, but he can help all the Appa stand ins who aren't fortunate enough to have an Aang to help them. Aang is a nice little boy! Of course he'd free a bunch of animals without thinking about the consequences and the epic pile of platypus bear dung he's just landed the zookeeper in with the Dai Li. I liked the animal designs. I liked the earthbending. I liked the Siamese cat representation. I loved cabbage man. I think that, if Appa could have known, he would have approved. I also think that I'm once again reading too much into this. it was nominally a fun fluff piece elaborating on a established emotional conflict (Appa missing), which gave it just enough weight to be slightly more than a fluff piece.

The Tale of Sokka

I am entirely serious when I say that 'poetry bouncer' is my favourite joke so far in the WHOLE show. I love absurdity played entirely earnestly. It's fridge funny too. The longer I contemplate the implications, the funnier it gets. What past event required a poetry bouncer be introduced? He's not there to protect the students or the teacher; he's here to reinforce the structure of the Haiku by force. Was he hired by the concept of Haiku? Is Haiku taken so seriously in Ba Sing Se that he's needed to break up cat fights between students? There is a rich well of haiku-related hijinks just hinted at by his presence, and I want to know more.

Sokka is so often his own worst enemy that it makes sense that he's taken out by his own hubris. That fortune teller lady was absolutely a crook, but she did one hell of an accurate cold read on Sokka.

The Tale of Zuko

Credits tell me that the girl's name is Jin. I would like to congratulate the creators of Avatar for managing to illustrate romantic interest so palpably without resorting to heart eyes and steam whistle noises. Nothing wrong with those; I'm just impressed by how much of Jin's interest in Zuko you can feel. Also, she'd better be more than a single episode character, because I need more of this sweetheart. She's a real contender for displacing Toph as my favourite girl in the cast.

To be fair to Zuko, he did make Jin droop (UNFORGIVABLE), but it was also the right call. He can't date her honestly. It IS complicated. And I don't think any Earth Kingdom girl (worth dating) would knowingly go out with Fire Nation royalty. Jin wanted Lee the Tea Boy. Try as he might, Zuko can't stop being Zuko. I would argue that he shouldn't stop being Zuko. His flashback mom told him not to forget who he was, so I'd also argue that the narrative doesn't want Zuko to stop being Zuko either. I guess it's a case of right girl, wrong time. It looks like she's cool with him being a firebender, but firebending and being the Fire Lord's son are not the same magnitude of hurdle to dating. Maybe when the war's over they can hook up again.

The Tale of Momo

I think this qualifies as cruelty to the audience. I got the impression that this story was crafted borderline maliciously, to make the viewers suffer angst dump after angst dump.

I liked seeing things from Momo's perspective. I loved the animal noises, which really got across a shocking amount of emotion. Those, combined with body language, were as effective as any spoken script. These cartoon people really know how to use their medium.

It absolutely kills me that Momo is missing Appa, and since he doesn't understand human speech, he can't even be comforted by knowing that his humans are actively looking for him. If you've ever seen one of your pets missing another of your pets in real life, you know there's nothing worse than the helplessness that comes with not being able to explain or magically summon their friend back from the kennel, or the vet, or the dead. All you can do is give them hugs. I'm glad that Momo got a street cat support group at the end of the episode, but the animal grief at the beginning was hard to get through. It's sweet to have confirmation that Momo sees Appa as family, but surely they could have showed that to us in a way that doesn't make me need to hug the stuffing out of my own pets?

Final Final Thoughts for real this time

This episode wrings you out a little. Fully a third of the stories are about Appa, despite him not being there. At least half are about missing someone who isn't there. At least half are bittersweet.

I liked this episode format. I hope they use it again next season. Only Toph and Katara's tale felt too short to me. The rest did such a good job at drawing me in, that when I went back to check timestamps I was surprised by how short these stories are.

I'm going to go eat too much chocolate.

[darlingpoppet]

20 Writer Questions

Tagged by @baejax-the-great… sorry it took me a while to respond to this but it had interesting questions so I wanted to circle back around to it eventually!

Tagging forth to: @sonderlivra @passingfair @levislattes @sleepy-pigeonn @goddamnchou @galpalpetraral @lostcauses-noregrets @bigweldindustries (no pressure to respond ofc <3)

1). How many works do you have on AO3?

22! Not bad for 3 years of posting I guess… two separate pages on the works list :3 

2). What’s your total AO3 word count?

246,488 words… almost a quarter of the way to 1 million lol!

3). What are your top five fics by kudos?

Closest To My Heart (pza) 347

Flourishing Into Greatness (pza) 247

Strain (eruri) 236

Where The Dead Forget (patrochilles) 232

Pressed Flowers (eruri) 219

I love how this top 5 keeps changing constantly lol… but also that it has a variety of ships and ratings… thank you for appreciating my range :’)

4). What fandoms do you write for?

attack on titan/shingeki no kyojin (eruri, etc); hades/the iliad/tsoa (patrochilles, pza, etc.); I might start eventually writing some fics with hades 2 characters since I already have a couple of ideas, but I kind of want to wait for 1.0 and take some more time to get to know the characters first and see which ships (if any) possess my brain 

5). Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, I do my best to respond to all comments (though unfortunately I’m still way behind in replies for a couple of my older fics💦) The reasons are I want to show my gratitude to anyone who takes the time to give me their thoughts, but also it’s really fun to be able to talk about the characters & relationships with other people who love them as much as I do! Not to mention it’s an opportunity to talk about my writing, so anyone who is willing to indulge me pretty much has my heart 😂

6). What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Tbh I write a lot of angst fics and can’t resist giving a touch of melancholy to most of my endings… Pressed Flowers and Liminal Spaces are both tagged with MCD so maybe by that virtue alone they would be considered to have the saddest endings? But at the same time I don’t think any of my fics including those ones are 100% bad/downer endings either. I’m usually aiming for a beautiful ache, iykwim :) As an aside, I love the fact that I wrote In Full Bloom with the intention of ending it on a happy note, but Hades 2 coming into existence has given it that twinge of melancholy I always covet without me even having to do anything! >:D 

7). What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Me, write happy endings?! Well, Closest To My Heart has a happy ending, right? >:3c Nah but fr I do have a couple of stories that you might be able to categorize as “fix-it” fics, which means they’re happy by virtue of the original source materials being tragic: I’m thinking of Sea Of Love for Patrochilles and Nonbiri-Ya for Eruri.

8). Do you get hate on fics?

Not really, maybe like two times total? And both times were extremely low effort non-comments… like maybe they were a teenager who didn’t read the tags and realized they were at the wrong circus and had to say “what the fuck?” out loud before walking out type stuff, haha. Idk they could’ve been complimentary in that edgy, hyperbolic internet speak way but since these people are talking to a complete stranger, it just comes off as weird so it gets deleted uwu

9). Do you write smut?

I’m ngl, at the start of all this I kind of thought I was going to be the sort of fanfic author whose bread & butter is atmosphere-rich, deep-dive character-study type stories in which smut would be secondary… but then the horny bug bit me and I realized how much writing smut fics is fun for me, and so now currently 14 out of my 22 works (almost 2/3rds) are E rated, LMAO 🫣 tbh it’s actually kind of great because I’ve also always admired a lot of smut fics too, so why not aspire to do both, yk? Something for the sophisticated, slowburn epic enjoyers AND something for the decadent, depraved sex perverts! (there are two wolves inside of me uwu)

10). Do you write crossovers?

Not really. I do kinda mix & match with the “canons” of different greek myth retellings but does that really count?

11). Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of… hopefully not!

12). Have you ever had a fic translated?

I’ve translated several of my own fics into Japanese, two of which are currently posted on AO3. I received one request to translate one of my fics into Russian… if it ever got done it was probably posted somewhere on ficbook and I haven’t seen it. Also another fic of mine was translated into Russian and Ukrainian concurrently as part of a group project I and some other friends did together.

13). Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

No… I’m not really sure how it all works but I may possibly be interested in trying it out someday 👀👉👈

14). What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Oh god, all-time? Idk, get back to me on my deathbed and ask me then (Old Lady Me: “It was called, ‘the Ship Of Dreams’… and it was. It really was.”)

15). What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Idk… I feel like I’m early enough in my fanfic writing journey that I’m optimistic that I’ll at least finish all the ones I’ve started eventually. Now that Liminal Spaces is done, Where The Dead Forget is back to being my only serially published WIP and I am absolutely determined to finish it no matter how long it takes! There are some ideas I have that I’ll probably never end up getting around to writing… would they even count as WIPs if I haven’t started them, though?

16). What are your writing strengths?

Oh god… chat what do you think? I suppose I get a lot of compliments about atmosphere and tension. I think I’m good at creating a satisfying rhythm and a sense of timing to emphasize the impact of whatever I’m trying to express. I also think I write pretty good endings!

17). What are your writing weaknesses?

I think writing Liminal Spaces exposed that I need to work on my ability to diversify narrative voices. Or maybe it just seemed challenging to me since I don’t often do modern AUs, and for some reason I had it in my head that it should sound more casual and less lyrical? lol. At the same time I’m not sure how I would’ve been able to fix it and have it still read like something I wrote. Idk it might be something I continue to puzzle over and experiment with in the coming years. Also, just as I think my endings are good, I wish I was better at writing intriguing first sentences/paragraphs. I always admire stories that completely capture my interest from the word go (don’t we all?) so I think I should practice getting better at that

18). Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

I’ve never done it before so maybe my thoughts are that it’s unnecessary? Unless I was like, writing a situation where the pov character is being spoken to in a language they don’t understand, perhaps. Slightly related, I’m planning on attempting to write some song lyrics for a fic in the near future and I’m toying with the idea whether or not to write them in a foreign language or if I should just do it in English. Understanding it probably wouldn’t be important and it could be a vibe… but idk, might be a bridge to cross when I get to it

19). First fandom you wrote for?

Omg I just answered this for a writer meme on bsky and it made me giggle so much to remember this: I was 12-13 years old and it was for Gundam Wing… I wrote a childhood au where the gang goes to summer camp. I had never been to a summer camp in my life so I have no idea why I thought that would be a good setting but my self-insert OC was in it and I’m pretty sure it was peak tween cringe <3 Alas, I'm pretty sure it’s lost to the sands of time. The other thing I mentioned on that bsky meme was also that I very vividly remember my first smut fic being a dead-dove James/Sirius (from Harry Potter) fic that I wrote when I was 16-17 maybe? I believe it’s also lost to time despite trying to find it again recently so I can’t confirm how good or bad the writing actually was… but I’m ngl I’d still kinda fw the premise now, even if teenage me was trying a little bit too hard to be edgy, lol. If I weren’t completely done with that franchise for moral & ethical reasons I might’ve considered writing it over again just for fun. Oh well! :) 

20). Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Would you ask me to pick my favorite child? :( I guess if I’ve published it on AO3 then it means it’s something I created with love and am proud of in some way. They all have a piece of me folded inside of them! Idk you tell me, what’s YOUR favorite fic I’ve written? 🫵💕

[familyvideostevie]

tlou season 2 episode 6 thoughts PART 1

this is in 2 parts bc tumblr hates me? part 2 here

okay i'm gonna lead out the gate and say that I'm really going to be nitpicking and comparing this episode to the game in ways that are certainly not fair but also. that's just my vibe. in the greater context of the show i think this episode makes a lot of sense but also feels like the culmination of all the choices i don't agree with! so, this is probably a bit too much of a hater post but I'm eager to discuss if you'd like. let's get to it.

spoilers for tlou hbo and tlou part ii below

EPISODE 6: THE PRICE

GOOD -the legos are cute i guess. i too would be looking for legos in the apocalypse -seth being a cop is funny and also fitting. -this is mostly actually going to be in the iffy/bad section but in theory joel making the guitar for her is nice (however...we'll return to this) -i was wondering if we'd get a burn backstory (me and the rest of the freaks over on ao3 have written this scene a million times and i never not one single time read one where she pushes herself against a hot pot. we all used bleach! also why the fuck did she do this on her birthday) (i did like that tommy was the one who brought her home though) -is it a bow and arrow? is it water guns? oh ellie honey i wish it was. nice easter egg wish you guys just gave us those things -ellie being a shit about jesse and the sex talk to joel was funny -the space part of the museum looked reallllllly nice, the layout, the diorama, the helmets and capsule etc. -the walkman is nice except that we have not seen it since season 1 so like. way to bring that back! sorry this is the good section. i think the apollo tape and the way she has an immersive daydream was really nice -- one of my favorite parts of the game with that piece of score, too. -dragging eugene's body the same way they drag joel's did make me go jesus christ -but god damn if i don't love little sadie and ecstacy. any chance to hear those damn songs -interesting how joel is getting all of his affairs in order the night before he dies -- maria apologizing and making sure he knows he's family, obviously this scene with ellie which i will get to. i guess i like the tragedy of it? but also it feels a little lazy sorry sorry i know this is the good section -stg he better be strumming helplessly hoping or am i projecting -despite the fact that i have beef with literally everything else i like that we end the episode with her going back to the theater. i wish we had seen her hands shake or some blood or some sort of indication of how she's affected but whatever

IFFY (i want to start this off and say that i think iffy/bad are pretty on par for this episode so get ready for the critical downer vibes) -the cold open. bro. i don't like it. austin 1983 and joel has a deadbeat cop dad. okay! (hiiiii tony dalton, nice to see you outside of the mcu). i just cannot figure out what the fuck the point of this scene is. abuse begest abuse? the cycle of violence? if you have the option to do the worst thing but don't then you're better than the worst thing? framing joel's father as a figure who teaches him to lie, to take pain, to tough it up for the sake of others, also to feel shame? i mean, basically joel is a liar out of necessity, so are we meant to think he's now just a compulsive liar? and this sort of backstory for joel comes too late. he is DEAD. and it's not even about tommy! so what is the point! also. why the fuuuuck does he wear his dad's watch. literally why. why why why why why whyyyyyyy did we make that a throughline. DID I HALLUCINATE THIS YOU GUYS I FEEL CRAZY CAUSE WHY DID THEY DO THIS maybe this should have been in the bad part -two people in the intro was stupid sorry like he's dead HES DEAD -i feel like the physical intimacy of this scene after ellie gets burned and is on painkillers is not earned. a baby girl, a kiss on her head, the embrace. based on every other interaction they have i do not buy that they have any sort of familiarity with each other like this? like, i get that it's nice, but to me it feels like they're square pegs in round holes of father/daughter here -ellie eating the cake with her hands was funny but again with this immaturity my GOD -pedro was not kidding when he said he can't sing! nbd but also those did not look like his hands lol -when he went i understand about her arm was he like. i get why you'd hurt yourself? i get why you want to hide it? are we talking about self harm? what are we talking about -i am selfish and i miss the dinosaur part of the museum, okay? i miss it. i miss the dialogue, i miss the way ellie learns things, i miss it -ellie not rattling off space facts...we know she knows them. she said some to dina last episode! my continued beef with the way ellie is written -- impulsive, uncurious, immature. where is her brain where is her soul why is she BORING AND DUMB. WHERE IS SALLY FUCKING RIDE -the fireflies -- i think that ellie was stopping to look at them? i mean, this is a callback to the first game and also meant to sum up what happens in the latter half of the birthday flashback -- ellie thinking about the fireflies. but like, it was so fast and i feel like this keeps happening. there are short references to things that matter but you won't catch them unless you know what's coming.

[shakingparadigm]

I'm glad we have someone like you in the fandom and that you started a youtube channel too. It feels less lonely I guess! Everything you post (theories,art,informations,jokes) is in my opinion so interesting,creative and detailed. I don't really send asks but I really had to tell you that I appreciate all of this,not what you simply post,but create too! I believe after Alien Stage will end,I will miss your posts about it but I'll have a good time remembering the days before a round was dropped,where we all assembled there to scream in fear (AVENGERS... ASSEMBLE LOL) and I'm sure I'll continue visit even if you'll talk about something else,with Vivinos content here and there if qmeng and the team will post about it etc!

One thing that makes me more conscious about ''IvanTill tragedy'' is that... Ivan loved the idea,the meaning,he had of Till,because he never got to be seen by him,got to express himself and be something for Till,which means getting to really enter Till's world. So I think at some point he asked himself ''What do I love'',which led him to the circle of reasons we deduced from their backstories,reason of the words chosen in the official art,where he says ''shallow feelings''... but they weren't shallow at all... And I think this is so sad,that he could not feel the depth in it,or understand his emotions... It's so sad we don't have a glimpse of Till's pov... Thank you for reading this until the end,I'll silently return in my den :)

Sorry this turned into such a long and awkwardly sentimental post,,,, ;;

Thank you....!!!

I'm really happy that you think of me so nicely, even if my posts and speculations are off the mark... or if the things I make are truthfully not very good. Even if they're mediocre at best, I still put a lot of my heart into them. I've always had a lot of things to say, but I never really opened myself to speaking about them until earlier this year. It feels really nice and comforting to share everything and be responded to with the same level of enthusiasm. I keep repeating myself when giving my thanks, but it's just because I will always be grateful to everyone I've talked to so far. That will never change. Thank you for taking the time to send me an ask! It really means everything to me. Let's focus on enjoying ourselves and anticipating what's to come! Even though Alien Stage is bound to end, we're still only halfway there!

I genuinely would like to thank you for your support. I wouldn't hold it against you if eventually you lost interest in my blog later down the line, but the fact that you'd still want to visit even if I end up switching to other things is so kind. I can't put down everything I'd like to say in a way that sounds coherent, and I undoubtedly am making this a bigger deal than it has to be, but from the bottom of my heart I'd like to thank you and everyone who has been so so kind to me. Truthfully I'm still unsure about whether or not I even deserve it, but I want you to know that I appreciate everything. I remember everything, too. Right down to the first few people who shared their thoughts to me back when I first started this blog!

I'm sorry if I seem like a bit of a downer, or if I seem less active lately? Less present or something like that. There's a lot that I've been going through lately (to add on to that my damn house flooded. yikes. currently staying at a friend's right now), and it honestly worries me to think about a lot of things, not to mention all the asks that I haven't been able to answer yet... I'm so sorry. I'll get to them eventually, I promise! They mean a lot to me and I want to do them justice with an answer, but some days I just can't find it in me to put thoughts into words.... once again, I'm so sorry. I don't want to make it seem as though they're a burden or anything, though! It's genuinely the highlight of my day to receive one.

Your perspective on Ivan and Till is worded so wonderfully. It truly is tragic that Ivan views his feelings as shallow, especially when in reality they're so complex and all-encompassing. Someone who loves so fervently and desperately (obssessively) actively denies themselves something as simple as the validation of their own feelings. Ivan viewed so lowly of himself until the very end, believing that he was never able to mean anything to Till (You don't care about me is such a devastating line). Ivan's emotions are complicated on purpose, his character was designed with the intention to confuse. It's stated that only Ivan himself can truly know what he's feeling, but even then he is an unreliable narrator and is too deep in the throes of self-loathing to allow himself any mercy. Constantly at war with himself, even just moments before his demise.

Ivan is described to have the most flawed personality out of his peers ("twisted"). The fact that he hones in on this aspect of himself to the point where he cannot see himself as anything of worth to the people he cares about is so profoundly sad. A flaw within itself, the perfect recipe for self-sabotage.

Till's perspective on Ivan is desperately needed, even if it wouldn't make a difference to the present circumstances. When speaking of Ivan's feelings for Till, VIVINOS mentions that one cannot simply move on from such deep-seated and long lasting emotions in just a short time. Surely Till would share this sentiment, right? Constantly overwhelmed by his own heart, wouldn't Till mull over the feelings that drove Ivan to sacrifice? Wouldn't he dwell on the impact that Ivan has made on his person? What form does Ivan take in Till's memory? One cannot move on from feelings like this so easily, and although Till didn't feel for Ivan in the same way, it's undeniable that he at least felt something.

So far (iirc), the only official statement of Till's feelings towards Ivan is that Till found him strange (and vice-versa, but Ivan was fascinated and attracted to Till's "strangeness" while it seems that Till was... less so...). Although it makes sense that Till is so protective of his true feelings, it would be nice for his thoughts on Ivan to be expanded upon, just for some semblance of closure.

(Sorry if this went off-topic.... or if my answer ended up being off again haha but thank you genuinely for the ask. I appreciate it more than you could ever know).

[smallishzine]

hi i was just wondering of any of the mods have any previous experience with organising fandom zines or events in the past?

Warning! The following answer is long, boring, mostly unrelated to the question, and kind of a Debbie Downer. Sorry anon/gen. hi it’s me one of the mods. The other mods are me when I’m actually on my meds, me at 3 am, and me when I’ve had a good nights sleep. The last one has not made an appearance as of yet. No I’ve never done this before and I’m freaking out because I have no clue what you’re meant to ask people on a mod application form and what determines who I should let in once they go out. I’ve never even been in a zine before, my experience with community events consists of I’m currently working on (read: avoiding cause I’m lost on what to do for) a gift for a gift exchange. That’s it. I’ve got no clue who to ask cause I’m paranoid about internet safety and also I’ve got school on top of this and I’m just kinda lost as to what to do because I’ve started this whole thing so before I can hand off the responsibility to someone who is capable of making good judgment and doesn’t have to split their time between working on the zine and doing homework, I’ve got to make some important decisions about who on the internet is trustworthy and I’m terrified that I’m gonna screw up and face consequences a whole lot worse then just the zine doesn’t get made. I don’t know how to verify if someone is a person I feel safe contacting over the internet, and how to maintain my anonymity as a mod so that my personal blog doesn’t get the same hate mail that the zine is getting and I’m, to be maybe a bit too honest, scared. Sorry for rambling especially cause I doubt this was what was intended with the question I guess I just needed to say this somewhere lol. Did I kill the mood? Sorry. I know you all followed cause the interest form was funny and the post I linked it on was funny and it seemed like there were a bunch of experienced people working together on this who knew what they were doing and so now using this blog to vent feels duplicitous and like it could possibly kill the zine because no one is here to listen to some kid whine about high school lol. I worked hard to seem effortlessly funny and confident about my lack of a plan, and while I didn’t necessarily say that there was more than one mod, I kind of implied it, cause I thought people would only want to participate if it seemed like there were a bunch of people capable of being responsible running the zine who would be fun to work with and would be totally on top of getting things done so contributors would be able to just focus on their piece. I wanted to seem like someone people would want to be friends with, cause really I started this zine cause I wanted to make friends, and I’m worried that now that people know that it’s just some whiny screenager who’s never touched grass with no idea what he’s doing who is really not all that funny unless he’s spent hours agonizing over what to say running the zine then they won’t want to participate, and I personally can’t blame them. I’m so, so, sorry for all the times that I made it seem like I’m someone I’m not, and I hope that people will still consider contributing even if the zine’s chances are a lot iffy-er than I made it seem. I’m scared to take offers from people saying that they want to help because creeps in the past have got me paranoid. So many people have said nice things about the zine and how excited they are for it and said that I could dm them with questions and I appreciate those people so so much but it’s difficult to drown out all the hate I’ve been seeing, which I’ve been trying to ignore, but it makes me hesitant about taking up those offers for help and sending out applications, cause I don’t want to bring some weirdo into a group chat to have them harass the zine makers and I’m not sure I’m capable of making this a positive experience for people without someone I can trust helping me and getting an internet friend I trust to help would involve leaking my personal blog and I can’t handle getting hate mail from both of them.

idk im just really lost and overthinking this and needed to rant about it, mod applications will still probably go out next month, I’ll do some research into what is usually on them, and also this is a niche enough thing that I probably don’t have to be so concerned about creeps, and there are a ton of people who’ve shown their support for the zine and it would be a disservice to them to act like everyone hates me, and everything is gonna be fine and probably a fun time and I’m just tired and needed to say all this somewhere to convince my brain how ridiculous it’s being lol. I might delete this post later, cause it’s kind of a downer honestly a high schooler complaining about his anxiety on the internet isn’t gonna get people interested and excited for the zine, I guess I just wanted to be transparent about what currently my thought process is and to ask that, having read this, you guys are patient with me as I figure out what the heck is going on. I’ll be back on my being funny enough that people think I’m actually Joel game on the form I promise guys, don’t worry just needed to get sappy there for a second but that is not what the zine is actually gonna be like it’s just gonna be fun and silly, and again sorry anon for derailing your ask.

[whentheleahvesfall]

Obligatory life update, let’s goooooo

So hi folks! Wow, I’m actually typing up words and saying things from my head onto a phone keyboard and now into a Tumblr post, wow, the power of technology…

For real though, I hope you’re all doing well. I wanted to do this post just to kinda spill my thoughts out and see how they go. If people care, woo-hoo, I’ve done my job, but if not, then it ain’t that bad, since I’m only one guy hoping to try and get something out there, somewhere.

Past week or so I’ve been stuck with a cold, so that’s not been particularly fun to try and recover from, but I’m trying my best. As well as that, I’ve been still rather iffy on wanting to talk or interact with stuff, simply because I don’t know if I’m doing good in the things I do. I know I doubt myself a lot, and for the people who’ve seen my ramble posts in the past, it’s a common theme I maintain as I get very apprehensive in my mind as to whether anything I say or do is fun or people like me for me. Yeah I get it - it’s a common trope I can see myself in, and blasting your thoughts out into your own corner of the internet can be seen as a coping mechanism, but after that I’m just thinking… well, aren’t I simply am back at square one again?

Whether or not there’s any other underlying problems to these worries of mine I’m not particularly sure, but I’ve never really had the space to really vocalise what’s going on in this mind of my own. For the people who do like me despite having not really done anything as of late that I think could be considered “interesting”, then thank you. Despite that though, I’m still the same endless worrier as usual. It’s not something I know that can be easily fixed or is as simple as turning a light switch on and off, but I guess I’m still somehow going with my own two legs. How long that’ll continue I do not know, although I hope eventually it’ll start getting a bit better later down the road.

I’m currently still recovering from my cold, so once that’s over, I hope to start getting around to doing some of those drawing requests for people both on here and on Bluesky (don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten folks, but god does my brain get overwhelmed at even stuff it wants to do). I’m sorry for not having gotten around to really doing anything that’s got positive energy, or if this post is much of a downer, I’ve generally just been worried about how I’m currently doing in life and whether there’ll be any ups from here.

To anyone who I’ve annoyed or anything like that as well, I wanted to also say I’m sorry. Whether or not this is necessary I’m not sure, but sometimes my brain keeps telling me I say or do things that’s rude or dumb and if I have done anything of the sort, I don’t mean to again and I apologise for anything I’ve said or done to make you feel bothered.

Aside from that, I hope and wish you all well as best as you can. Here’s hoping I can feel better soon (not that I feel I have much guarantee of that).