#I hate how well this works

[cwritesfiction]

Okay. Re: the dating show ask game. I am sure (hoping) you get the opportunity to do some OC shipping stuff later, but I am here for the first 5 questions of an OC of your choice. Basically, I wanna know who this is about, how we got here in the first place, and what is going on. Show me the prime time promo trailer for this thing that comes on in the middle of the news to convince me not to change the channel when it's over.

Also, do you realize what a horrible level of AU spark this is? Because I am going to be thinking about this whole list as a storyline now...Also if Forum RPs were still more of a thing, there would have to be a board for this.

If I have to suffer, you do too

🎥 What's the title of your OC's dating show?

💕 Would your OC's dating show have a specific premise?

It's Elliott's dating show, and the title is (still) IT'S IN THE CARDS.

PROMO TRAILER VOICEOVER: This lonely psychic can see glimpses of the future through their Tarot cards, and visions show they're going to fall in love...with another psychic. Ten sexy singles, each with their own alleged psychic ability, will compete to see if love...is in the cards.

📺 What kind of person do producers expect to watch this dating show? Who's actually watching?

Producers are gunning for current reality TV fans, mostly women aged 18-34, who've become bored with current reality offerings. There are plenty of romantic shows and horny shows, so it's time for a UNIQUE show!

Who's actually watching? Bisexuals.

💘 What does your OC say when asked why they chose to do the show? Is this the real answer?

We zoom in on Elliott in front of a crystal ball, despite the fact that no one actually uses crystal balls as psychic props in the show. They speak into the camera - they're looking for love and the cards have shown them there's a sexy psychic in their future. Now it's time to figure out who that is! Finger guns! Shit they need money

🏰 Where is the primary filming location for the show? EX: A swanky mansion, a penthouse, a castle, etc.

IT'S IN THE CARDS films in a luxury mountain cabin. The location was chosen so they can film occult-looking scenes in the woods...psychics hang out in the woods, right? Or shit, is that witches? The producers are having trouble staying on theme

OC DATING SHOW ASK GAME

[tulkuns]

✏️ for kiri or jake? this should be fun 😂

Kiri: Don't break someone's heart, they only have one.

Ao’nung: Break one of their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

[shadowisles-writes]

I just switched my font to comic sans and that’s how you know writing hasn’t been going well

[artgletic]

case study of the self-identified god

[hajihiko]

pretty sunrise or sth

[ryllen]

[soriastrider]

this has almost certainly been done before, but i think it's funny so i did it anyway

original:

[fumifooms]

Chilchuck analysis speedrun: As a hardworking half-foot who grew up poor and discriminated against and had his gullibility taken advantage of multiple times in his early adventuring days, Chilchuck thinks optimism is a dangerous flaw. He’s stressed and strict all the time because his job is noticing details like traps that could get everyone killed before anyone knows it, he takes the lives of everyone to be on his shoulders, and with the way he speaks about it that probably partly reflects how he felt about taking it upon himself to provide for his family too. His life’s always been pretty centered around work and has become even moreso now that his wife left and everyone is independent, and due to past events he’s very iffy with bonding with coworkers. He thinks feelings and job are a disaster mix. Like with his wife or with parties hiring him as sacrifice, being open or having good faith is vulnerability which can get you hurt, so he processes and shows all his stress as anger instead of worry. Doing strict dieting probably isn’t helping the irritability what with hunger, and on top of being a hunger suppressant alcohol might be the main stress reliever he has.

His grey hairs are so earned

[bambiraptorx]

[uncanny-tranny]

Okay, are belly button piercings "trashy," or do you just associate them with femininity, or women, or sex work and strike it down as inherently less worthy? Are 'tramp stamps' "trashy", or do you just associate them with femininity, or women, or sex work and strike it down as inherently less worthy? Is pole dance "trashy", or do you associate it with women, or sex work and strike it down as inherently less worthy?

These are examples, but I find it interesting when people link things with womanhood or femininity or - gasp! - sex work and then immediately condemn, scrutinize, and dehumanize those who even dapple a little in these things, even if it isn't for sex work or to "look trashy." It's funny how the feminine or woman is seen as trashy until proven otherwise, and it's shameful that people still hold the bias that women must prove their humanity by not "being trashy" or "acting like a hooker."

[72ww]

Sasha Nein is inside of your webpage

[itspileofgoodthings]

one of my favorite things about pride and prejudice is that in the last third of the book Elizabeth’s internal monologue about Darcy is her admitting that she’s in love with him but also putting all sorts of qualifications around that statement that kind of ...tamp down the level of emotion (the “feelings, if not as tender as Jane’s for Bingley, at least as just” line, even the whole thing about her and Darcy being well-matched objectively speaking) and as soon as she’s engaged you get the unbridled joy in the narrative about her own joy, cc: “I am happier even than Jane; she only smiles, I laugh.” 

[wr1ghtw0rth]

I have no excuse for this. I needed to get it out of my brain. So I'll just leave it here and move on.

Bonus sketch under the cut

[rebisrot]

[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

Take me.

Note: a tiny little story to help with the drought😮‍💨

Warnings: 18+! fluff/smut.

pairing: Sihtric x you (f)

summary: you and Sihtric were reunited after a battle. 

wordcount: 653

Masterlist

Sihtric's mismatched eyes were glazed over. His lips curled into a dazed smile while his rough, warm hands wandered your bare skin as you laid underneath him. His body weight pleasantly pressed onto you as he was positioned between your thighs. His hair was dishevelled, after your fingers had tugged his braids when you felt the warmth of his lips onto yours, kissing you intensely and deeply until he had you undressed and picked up in his arms, carrying you to the bed.

The warrior had missed you, his wife, immensely when he had been away to fight what would be unbeknownst to you both his last battle, for peace was within close range. As soon as he had returned home on horseback and his eyes had landed on you in the cheering crowd, he dismounted and allowed you to leap into his arms. You had buried your face in his neck and your fingers curled around his leather armour. Sihtric; your husband, your sanctuary and the keeper of your heart had returned to you without any grave injuries, and no more time was wasted. No words were spoken for your eyes told each other everything one needed to know, and your lips immediately locked into a fiery kiss, pouring out the happiness and relief of being reunited again.

And now Sihtric gazed down into your eyes as he was on top of you, unclothed and scarcely covered by the warm furs. His hot, ragged breath feelable on your face while his tattooed fingers tenderly brushed over your warm cheeks. He then leaned in and kissed softly underneath your ear, his tongue stroking your skin in between teasing kisses and kittenish nibbles, dragging his lips down to your pulse point. Your breath hitched when he sank his teeth delicately in your neck, marking you with his endless love while he teased your folds with his arousal, readying you to take him after being separated for far too long.

His growls sounded low and heavy in your ear, making you tremble with anticipation and desperate to feel him inside you and to be as close as you can possibly be, never wanting to let him leave you ever again. You wrapped your arms around him and buried your face in his neck, inhaling his earthly scent as he lifted your leg and hooked it around his waist.

'I missed you,' he breathed in your ear and bit the soft skin.

'And I missed you,' you murmured against his shoulder, 'I love you.'

'I love you more,' Sihtric whispered, to which you softly protested.

He chuckled in your ear, and you gasped when he abruptly sheathed inside you and kept still, wanting to feel your walls clench around him. You mewled, desperately, begging him to move. But Sihtric took pleasure in hearing you beg for him and he wanted to hear more before he would give you what you wanted.

'Please, Sihtric,' you rasped, 'give me more.'

'More?' he laughed quietly, his lips grazing your ear as he spoke while he moved with slow, deep strokes, 'you want more?' he murmured.

'Please,' you begged and clawed his muscular back.

'Please,' Sihtric mocked, lovingly, 'you're so sweet when you beg for me,' he whispered and pushed hard inside you.

He stilled inside you again and hummed softly, watching you with a satisfied grin as you almost cried out for him.

'So beautiful,' Sihtric whispered, smiling, and he pecked your lips, 'so desperate for me,' he kissed your lips again, then grabbed your chin and his eyes darkened, 'I will give you more, my love,' his voice soft and playfully threatening, 'but I don't want to hear you whine that it's too much. I know you can handle me,' he murmured against your lips and chuckled again, 'mhm, and you will take me all the way, like the good and devoted wife that you are for me.'

taglist: @foxyanon @alexagirlie @sihtricsafin @neonhairspray @gemini-mama @lexwolfhale @sigtryggrswifey @skyofficialxx @djarinsgirl27 @m-a-s-h-k-a @verenahx @mrsarnasdelicious @diiickbrainn @little-diable @maii777 @urmomsgirlfriend1 @dixie-elocin @elle4404 @bubblyabs @ylvie50 @succnfuccubus @hb8301 @willowbrookesblog @apolloanddaphnis

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[rollercoasterwords]

i don't want to hear about your diet i don't want to hear about your weight loss "journey" i don't want to hear about your clothing size i don't want to hear about your "healthy alternatives" recipes i don't want to hear about your fucking nutrient dense protein pancakes or your green juice super smoothie metabolic booster lemon water cayenne honey tea i don't want to hear about your workout routine i don't wanna hear about your slimming shapewear i don't want to hear about how much you hate your arms or legs or stomach or hips i don't want to hear about how "bad" you've been for eating too much dessert i don't want to hear about the number on your scale i don't want to hear your casual fatphobia dressed up in the language of "wellness" or the excuse of self-hatred!!!!