#I have seen a lot over my tumblr writing career lol

[dulcesiabits]

Intro

Hey guys! This post is a bit different from what I usually write, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently, and that I talk about with fellow fanfic writers. I’ve talked a little before about how self insert fanfic culture has changed over the years, and this post is just an attempt for me to (somewhat) compile and organize my thoughts.

This post (or informal essay) will be divided into two main sections: one on content creators and burnout, which goes into topics such as why writers leave and the difficulty of maintaining a writing blog, and one on what readers and authors owe each other, which delves into the relationships between authors and their audience, and everything that entails. As a disclaimer, all opinions are my own, and anyone is free to agree or disagree. I wouldn’t mind civil discussion on this topic, but I will ignore anything out of line.

Content Creators and Burnout

First up on the agenda: the term content creators. This isn’t a term specific to writers, as other creators such as artists have also fallen under this label. Content creators are people who produce content for fandom, and Merriam-Webster defines content as “the principle substance... offered by a website” (content has several definitions, but this one was what I found most relevant). Though there’s nothing inherently wrong with this definition, but it does have an impersonal connotation. There is power in words, and I think the shift to  calling writers content creators reduces their art down to what they produce. It turns writing, a labor of love, creativity and passion, into simple content, something to be consumed. This correlates to a shift in general fandom culture of treating writing (and any art by extension) as something to be passively consumed, instead of interacted with. Of course, lurkers and shy fans have always been a part of any fandom, but it seems like interaction is far rarer than it was even ten years ago (the infamous reblog to like ratio changing to favor likes instead of reblogs being a prime example).

I have seen writers express discontent at how it feels like they’re putting writing into a void. There’s no comments, no replies, no asks; it’s disheartening not to receive any feedback on something you’ve worked hard on. Even if you know people enjoyed it enough to reblog it or leave a like, it doesn’t feel like it if you can’t see actual evidence or read any feedback. Another part of the issue is that reblogs are the only way to share fic; likes on tumblr, unlike on other social media, don’t really do anything other than serve as a bookmark at best. Writers write for their enjoyment, but they also write so their stories can be shared and enjoyed.

The shift to treating writing as “content” and the lack of engagement means that  self insert fanfiction blogs have a short-shelf life. Most writers will only stay for as long as they’re interested in a media, and then stop when that interest dries up. Without that personal motivation, the lack of engagement feels even more disheartening. Additionally, most self-insert blogs are also request based, so they rely on people being interested enough to send in a request to thrive. However, this also lends to treating writing as “content,” because there will invariably be some who treat writers as machines, instead of people with their own inner worlds. Insert a request, and get a fic spit out a few business days later. This also demotivates writers, who feel like their work isn’t being enjoyed, but simply taken for granted. Writers will then burnout, and quit their blogs.

Another factor in this conversation is how self-insert fanfiction is self indulgent, and seen as “bottom of the barrel” because of this. It has a reputation for being cringy, in short, and is usually not as respected as other forms of writing. Though people who read self-insert fanfiction might not take this attitude themselves, this could affect how writers are treated regardless. I’ve often jokingly compared self-insert fanfiction to pulpy romance paperbacks: they’re both self-indulgent (and looked down on for being self-indulgent), consumed en mass, and never taken very seriously.

Of course, not all readers view writers as simple content machines, and there are always readers who leave nice comments and send asks. Silent readers are not the issue, either, because engagement isn’t something that can be forced. Readers will also lose interest in media, and fandoms will sometimes die for natural reasons. This not an attempt to pass judgement or blame, but simply an observation on general trends.

What Do Readers and Writers Owe Each Other?

So. Let’s say that you are an inspiring writer, and you start a blog. You receive a request, but it contains a subject matter you don’t feel comfortable writing with. What do you do?

This is a situation I see crop up often when people run request based blogs. Even if you have rules in place to stop this precise situation, there will always be people who either ignore or don’t read your rules. In most cases, people would just delete it and move on, or address it to ensure people do not do it again.

What allows these sorts of situations to happen, though? I believe part of it stems back to the prior section. If writers are seen as content machines, then they aren’t human; it doesn’t matter what you send them, because there isn’t a real person on the other side of the screen, with their own feelings.

I don’t believe requests that want to deal with sensitive subject matter are inherently bad; some writers are comfortable with writing that material, and everyone wants comfort from their favorite character when they’re in a tough situation. I do believe, however, that there should also be care taken to ensure you aren’t overstepping any boundaries with the writer. Perhaps the writer has experience with that particular subject that makes them unable to write about it, feel unequipped to write it, or they simply want to avoid it. Whatever the case, different writers will have different standards and expectations.

I’ve also seen another phenomenon where someone will send the same request to multiple different blogs. Some writers are fine with this, but some are not; for those who are uncomfortable, it feels like another instance of being viewed as a machine. Someone wants a particular idea written, and doesn’t care who writes it. It makes for an awkward situation when you work on a request and realize that a different writer has already posted their version of it. 

It’s easy for the relationship between a writer and reader to feel one-sided. A writer doesn’t know who reads their posts, or how many people do, or how others will react to it. A reader can’t truly get to know a writer based solely on what the writer selectively post and reveal about themself on their blog. A reader might know about a writer, but the writer does not know them.

However, I believe that readers are just as important to writers when it comes to fandom community. If you write something, what would you do if there was no one to read it? An audience is vital to the maintenance of community, and writing blogs and fics wouldn’t grow without people to support and read their works. Though there will always be uncomfortable situations or overstepped boundaries, I don’t think it’s true that readers and writers don’t owe each other anything, or that it’s a wholly one-sided relationship. Writers write, and readers read. Readers provide feedback, whether through a comment or ask or message, and writers will be encouraged by their words to write more.

(Of course, if someone is making you uncomfortable or breaking your boundaries, you have every right to take whatever action you deem necessary to prevent this. Readers and writers owe each other basic respect and courtesy, like you would give to any fellow human. You don’t owe anything to anyone who breaks this courtesy).

It was more common in the past for writers to respond to a reader’s comments (and it doesn’t help that tumblr’s system makes it difficult to respond to tags and replies), though some writers still continue to do this. There’s something to be said about how readers will read a piece of writing without responding, and writers might read feedback without engaging in return.

Are these inherently terrible behaviors? I don’t believe so, but it does contribute to the current culture where writing sometimes feels less like a community, and more like an individual pursuit.

Conclusion

Too long of a post for you to read? Skimmed through it? In short, what I’m discussing in this post is this:

(1) how writers are being reduced to the content they produce, and being treated like writing machines. This, as well as the lack of engagement, can cause people to burnout from maintaining blogs and leave,

and

 (2) readers and writers owe each other basic respect, and readers are a vital part of any fandom community, even if the writer-reader relationship can feel one-sided at times.

I don’t think any of the situations I bring up have easy answers. If there were easy answers, I wouldn’t be holding a discussion on this in the first place. But I do think it’s necessary to think about them and how we approach each other as writers, readers, and fellow human beings.

[waitmyturtles]

THE MORNING AFTER: ONLY FRIENDS, EPISODE 2 ("I PROMISED YOU THE MOONSHINE") EDITION

Being a day late to watching and writing about Only Friends allows me a little airspace away from the gasps and dopamine of the collective community first watch of each episode, and lemme tell ya -- my dash yesterday was so hot, it was like melting Tupperware on a stove. Unfortunately for many in the fandom, the ships are going to sink. That shower scene got some folks wrecked. Many folks on my dash have a sudden disdain for Neo Trai (poor kiddo). For anyone who reads around here, you might remember my implored begging of the Tumblr family to watch Gay OK Bangkok before Only Friends premiered, and I still stand by it. The Only Friends team -- Jojo Tichakorn, Ninew Pinya, writers Den Panuwat and Best Kittisak -- are playing with a lot of concepts that I thought were just FABULOUSLY explored in this second episode, and these concepts ARE going to lead to further innuendos and endings that the shippers are just not going to like. (I think GOKB primed us for this.) And frankly, by the way this episode played out (as we were talking about a couple days ago, @lurkingshan) -- I think that's a hell of a point that the team is making in our faces.

I'm going to get to this more in a moment. Let me explain more, by way, of all things (!) -- plum wine.

So a bunch of us meta clowns (cc @ranchthoughts, @chickenstrangers, @lurkingshan) were talking about a theory I had on Friday regarding the theme of ephemerality in the first episode. How Cheum indicated to Mew that there's a lot in Thailand that'll bring them down, from pollution to radiation. She wanted Mew to nab Top -- she indicated that life is fickle, so what did her homeboy have to lose? Go get yer man, she said.

@ranchthoughts, @chickenstrangers, @lurkingshan and I took this conversation further yesterday (please read all the reblogs on this link, folks, it's a great conversation!), exploring the many more references to the ephemeral, fickle nature of time and life that Only Friends is referencing. @chickenstrangers clocked that Yo's bar is called YOLO. @ranchthoughts clocked that Sand's bag of plum wine read "you only live once." @lurkingshan noted that Jojo's played around with the ephemeral before -- in Gay OK Bangkok, examining the impact of HIV on Bangkok's gay male population.

The reblogs of the post linked above also capture some common mentalities about the "future" for our current crop of young folks today (I... am not young, lol), particularly for the young queer community. That through climate change, the slow-snail-paced fight for equity (like the legalization of same-sex marriage in Thailand) (and even comparing it to the roll-back of rights for the LGBTQ+ community in the States) -- as @ranchthoughts wrote, there seems to be a stronger sense of "live fast, die young," among younger cohorts than when I was a young lass, born in the 1980s, when a middle management career could get you everything you needed, with a unfettered retirement in sight.

To me, the most wrenching references to the ephemeral in this second episode focused on death. "Do you want us to die?," Sand asked laughingly as Ray played around in the car. Top can't sleep alone because after a childhood trauma, he's afraid he'll die alone. Ray's deceased mom is shown with a glass in her hand.

And how are these young folks behaving? In the face of literal death, as they themselves are referring to it: they're living life very riskily. Top's a player. So is Boston. We hope they're playing safe. (Gay OK Bangkok had condoms all over the place. I haven't seen any yet in OF.) Ray's blood alcohol levels are clearly through the roof. Sand's committing a crime.

Say what now? Committing a crime?

I hope folks clocked that. What's REALLY making me shake my head is how slick the non-sexual commentary was in this episode.

Going back to my original post on ephemerality that I let loose on Friday: I talked about the metaphor of plum wine and the passage of time -- how plum wine tastes sweeter and better as you let it age.

Sand was pissed that his bottles of plum wine broke because he's making it himself. That's why he wanted Ray to pay him back for the lost supply. Sand lost both product AND time.

Making and selling plum wine is illegal in Thailand. It's like the selling of rotgut during Prohibition.

SAY WHAT? For real. Thailand's laws around alcohol are wild, y'all. The display of alcohol logos is weirdly regulated (I laugh at how bottles are often blurred out in Thai dramas), brewing alcohol within Thailand is insanely complicated (some people brew alcohol in Thailand, then bottle it elsewhere and import it BACK into Thailand to skirt these laws), and -- you cannot buy alcohol from 2 pm to 5 pm.

Remember we saw Ray sneaking some sips from a flask outside the hostel site? That's a major flag for confirmed alcoholism (drinking alone during the day). But also, if Ray wanted a drink during the hours of 2-5 pm -- he had to have the booze on himself to have a tipple.

We know Jojo does NOT shy away from political commentary. We saw it in spades during Dirty Laundry.

What I love about Jojo's work is that he's unafraid to call out the hypocrisy of these kinds of laws. The making of plum wine is ILLEGAL? In Japan, making umeshu is traditional. (It's also the easiest and most delicious thing ever, please try making it!). For many of us around the world, making umeshu is a hobby, and a perfectly safe one at that. Considering Thailand's economy is so dependent on tourism, and that Bangkok itself is a world-class city, you would think that the selling of alcohol wouldn't be so complicated, and yet... 'tis.

This leads me to what I saw as the second Big Theme of this episode, besides ephemerality: I saw a lot of hypocrisy in this episode.

We got the liquor laws bullshit. We got Boston. Boston strikes me as a hypocrite for setting up his friend Mew with Top -- all while Boston's still wanting to get with Top, to the point of sneaking into Top's shower.

And Mew strikes me as a hypocrite, too. He wants to "redo" the start of his relationship with Top?... on his own terms? So, they're not boyfriends anymore? After already....having dated? Believable, my dude. The guys are in a PatPran-esque battle of... something, and I don't think it's wits, because neither of them seem to have many wits about them. They seem to be more interested in just winning a goal that (except for sex for Top) seems wholly unclear. Does Mew not know that Top may very well NOT respect Mew? Is Mew aware that his read on Top may not be at all accurate? And.... does Mew actually care? I'm not convinced of it.

Live fast, die young. What does it matter to be a hypocrite if the future is unstable, if time is speeding by -- and if no one is holding these young folks accountable for their behavior, as I put into the tags of @ranchthoughts's post yesterday? As Nick says to Boston: "you're a rich guy -- you don't care much for things." What, exactly, would make these rich kids care about being ethical human beings?

Accountability is around the corner for this group. Nick is starting to catch feelings. Boston is wondering why he's getting rejected by Top. Sand's recognizing that Ray's sniffing out something between them (cc @neuroticbookworm) (and, who knows, as NBW first referenced in her post -- Sand might be catching feelings, too). All of these friends -- it's mindblowing! -- leave Ray alone, often, wasted off his ass, to get himself home, as Sand himself notes.

These characters are going to get hurt, and it's only a matter of time until we begin seeing it happen. At the micro-level, human to human, they will hurt each other. And society, Thai society, is doing these young people no favors by not helping to equalize the inequity between rich and poor -- as Sand has to take risks to sell illegal hooch, of all things, to just get by.

Wrapping this up with what I was mentioning up at the top about the jibbles that the fandoms are starting to feel towards the established GMMTV ships of this show slowly sinking. Isn't there a bit of hypocrisy there as well? This show is NOT going to be pretty for the ForceBook/FirstKhao established ships. What are we, as fans, going to do when that time comes? Will we condemn Jojo? Will we stop watching the show? Will we equivocate by way of blaming other characters?

This show should be celebrated already for the risks it's taking, and the risks it will take. (Remember: fans protested at the GMMTV building in 2019 when the KristSingto ship was broken for He's Coming To Me.) Only Friends deciding to take on the toxicity and hypocrisy of shipper fandom? Bring it on. We cannot only enjoy the performances of these actors when they're paired up with one repeating partner. As the life of Gay OK Bangkok depicted, as the life of Only Friends is depicting -- life is a whole lot more complicated than just a dreamlike, over-organized monogamy between two people (ahem, Mew). Life -- and TIME -- will bring complications and change, sometimes unwanted change, that we have to learn to handle and manage. I'm not colored surprised in the least that Jojo's making this experience for us jump out of the screen and into our own hearts, as we see our beloved actors take risks upon themselves by their breaking of their own ships. I am all here for it, and I hope the shipper fans can be, too.

(BIG UPS to the small meta army family -- @ranchthoughts, @lurkingshan, @chickenstrangers, @neuroticbookworm -- I'm so thrilled to continue being thoughtful with y'all!)

[castiel-left-his-mark-on-me]

Hi, Ary, very inactive ex-mutual(i think???) here. Good to see you thriving! ♥ It's been a while since I've dipped my head into cockles stuff. Could I perchance maybe ask uuuuum tf is going on??? lol I see Mish apparently confirmed he used to stay over at Jensen's in Van, and heard newbs were apparently freaking out about it and getting a bit messy, which I get that, business as usual. But I'm also seeing shit about spin-offs? And Jared getting in a twitter fight with Jensen, causing/resulting in stans to going feral and sending hate?? I know you're not as big a fan of Jar, but that's part of why I figured I'd ask you, you usually have a really level head about this kinda stuff. If you don't wanna answer publically, or at all, that's totally chill!

Hey, Rhi! We're still mutuals! Of course we're still mutuals! When I saw the notification of your ask, I was like "Hey! I haven't seen you in a while!" and my husband was like "???" and I said "Tumblr" and he said "Oh."

It was a wild time haha.

In any case, welcome back to the dumpster fire! We are obviously still a mess. So to catch you up, I guess I will start by summarizing both before and after the finale (not sure where you left off so this might be redundant for you) ... basically, it became obvious as the end of the show neared that Jensen was not on board with the plan for the finale; although Jared never stopped singing its praises.

We got confirmation of this during a zoom interview where Jensen said that he actually went into the writers room as well as called Kripke to basically voice how he didn't agree with the direction the final season was going, but he was shot down on all fronts. In another interview, he was asked "What would you tell your younger self going into this career?" And Jensen responded with: "I would tell myself to just keep your head down and do the work" meaning, "Don't try to change things because you can't." I also think that this whole situation is what he wrote "Let Me Be" about for his first Radio Company album, but that is just my own speculation. All of his reluctance, even though he always followed it up with "But I eventually saw the value in the script" or "I came around in the end" (which never sounded sincere, and I don't think he was really trying to sound sincere) made us all very nervous about what was to come for 15x20; and of course, when the last two episodes aired, we saw just how badly they fucked it up.

After the awful finale, the entire fandom became aware of the CW's heavy handed role in the thing, basically squeezing all the life out of SPN to shape it into a ramp from which Walker could launch itself. They not only erased all the love and joy and representation that Cas's love confession gave us, they also tore apart the things that made sense about the bond between Sam and Dean, making it really just about Sam-- and therefore Jared, which of course, Jared seemed to be fine with ... even though no one else was. Misha barely said anything during the finale, and a few of the other actors talked about the show ending in various posts, but Jared tweeted up a storm ... and Jensen? Jensen just sat in sexy-silent resentment of the whole thing. He didn't tweet, he didn't post, he didn't say a word once he no longer had to, and I think that's because he was already going full-steam-ahead on his plans for redemption.

Which brings us to Chaos Machine-- Jensen and Danneel's new production company that is being run by a queer creative director and has a mantra of inclusivity and representation woven throughout it's fabric; and apparently, the first story that Jensen wanted to tell through this new platform is the origin story of Sam and Dean's parents; so last week (?) he announced the upcoming production of "The Winchesters" -- the untold love story of John and Mary. Obviously, John is not the most likable character from the show, so the idea was met with a lot of resentment when it was first announced, but Jensen has gone on to say that he is excited to take on the task of telling the "true" story behind these characters-- the one that makes sense with the pre-established canon and doesn't reject it. So, given that, the idea is being mulled over with a bit more optimism from the fandom.

Who isn't being optimistic though?

Jared Padalecki.

When Jensen made this announcement on Twitter, many of his friends and coworkers congratulated him, but not Jared. Jared responded with a passive aggressive: "I'm happy for you, man, but I wish I didn't hear about it through Twitter." This of course, sent all the die-hard Jared fans into a tizzy and they immediately began asking him if he was serious (hoping it was just a joke-- we all hoped it was because there would be fallout no matter what one's opinion on Jared is). Instead of leaving it there though or just deleting that tweet, Jared went on to tweet some more, saying that he was being serious that he didn't know about the plans for the prequel, and that he was "gutted" that Sam apparenlty wouldn't be included (mind you, this a prequel to SPN... meaning BEFORE Sam and Dean were even born, so how could Sam be included? But Dean is apparently narrating this story so maybe Jared thought Sam should be helping to narrate it? I don't know). But Jared being Jared couldn't just leave that there, he then went on to tweet at Robbie Thompson who was announced as a writer for "The Winchesters" so then Jared went off on him too, calling him "Brutus" and a "coward" acting like Robbie betrayed him (speculation is-- Robbie refused to write for Walker, so Jared is pissed that he essentially chose Jensen over him). He did fairly quickly, remove that tweet attacking Robbie, but of course the damage was done at that point. And it truly only took his first tweet calling out Jensen for some people to be like "Jared-- that sucks if you didn't know but why are you saying any of this publicly?"

As you might know, Jared has had issues in the past with posting hurtful things on social media, and has even used it as a tool for attack before-- calling out customer service agents and public workers that he felt have wronged him, which is bad enough ... but for him to then do the same thing to his best friend of well over a decade? Many people who had once liked him or at least gave him the benefit of the doubt (I used to ...) stopped after this latest twitter tantrum.

However, some people have suspected for some time that J2 had a falling out either shortly before the finale or just after. Their public/social media interactions have seemed awkward, stilted or even non-existent in moments that they normally wouldn't be. In the past year, when Walker premiered, Jensen didn't say much about his friend's new venture other than a "Congrats. buddy" here and there. Later, we learned that Jensen refused to work on the show ... Jared said he make him do it, drag Jensen to the set "kicking and screaming" which made many fans quirk up an eyebrow because, why would Jensen put up a fight unless the two weren't as close as they used to be? And then Jensen moved his family to Colorado (either permanently or for an extended period at least) which is notable considering how he moved to Texas seemingly to be closer to Jared, even buying a house that was near his. All this was just speculation though; but it wasn't until Jared's tweet complaining about not knowing about the prequel that the theories behind them falling out, became less theory and more fact.

The day after his twitter tantrum, Jared tweeted again-- not retracting his statements or apologizing, but instead saying that he and Jensen "talked" and were "all good". Jensen then tweeted too, parroting this statement to some degree, which only made the whole thing even more sour in the mouths of the fans. The fact that Jared didn't apologize for his outburst and throwing his friend under the bus, and also the fact that Jensen-- Mr. Sexy Silence, Mr. Never Tweets, Mr. Tech-Ignorant-and-Proud, actually had to POST SOMETHING saying that he and Jared made up, it just screamed OPTICS. It was obviously the work of agents and PR firms and lots of people going "Look, if you two keep beefing, that will mean the death of both of your projects. Even more people will stop watching Walker, and this SPN prequel will never get picked up due to the scandal." So, the two "made nice" publicly to quell the chaos, but in my opinion, it's all too little too late. Jared started a storm that he can't contain now with a little tweet, and it seems like he knows that too because before he talked about him and Jensen making up, he asked that people "not send threats". He could have just as easily said that he shouldn't have made this a public issue and that he's sorry, but instead, he continued to play the victim and stoke the flames by alerting us all to the damage he's done.

Now, like I said before-- I used to give him the benefit of the doubt. I don't think he's an awful human or that he deserves to be attacked or anything, but he is an adult man with very poor judgment and an obvious selfish-streak a mile wide. He should know better, and he should have more respect for his so-called "friends" and "brothers" than to make them targets to public ridicule. I have a hard time believing that Jensen still sees Jared the way he used to, and I wouldn't blame him a bit for wanting to pull away-- especially when he's moving on to so many new and exciting things. Jared certainly deserves happiness just as much as anyone else, but he went on twitter and basically asked for a scandal, and he got one.

The question is now-- was there a motive behind it? Was just looking for a reason to bring his and Jensen's falling out to light-- while making himself looking like the victim in the process? Or did he genuinely not know about the prequel and just decided to go about "not knowing" in the most toxic and hurtful way he could manage?

In any case, that is the drama ... that is the J2 insanity in a rather lengthy nutshell ... that is the tea ... and I hope it all makes sense.

But the good news out of all of this is, Cockles is thriving-- they are happy and in love and Jensen calls Misha "Babe" and Misha misses waking up to see Jensen in the morning, and they are just as cute and wonderful as can be.

So, I will end that there. I am so glad to see you back, and I hope I answered all your questions in a way that made sense ... I tried anyway!

💖💖💖

[enduracarrotchips]

YouTuber AU

Hello welcome to Dating Scandal but with Twitter Involved (nightmare)

A little exposition here: 

Link, Zelda, Sidon, Revali, and Riju are the most popular group of youtubers on the internet and have a huge fanbase that likes to theorize, draw fanart, and write fanfiction about them. Disclaimer, I don’t actually interact with real-person fandoms myself lol there’s just too much potential for drama and misunderstandings & they’re always bound to end in a dumpster fire but that is sort of what this au is about so.

Impa, Mipha, Daruk, and Urbosa are family friends that appear in a lot of their videos/streams. 

(This is an art blog I swear)

enter vidcon 20XX

Link: 

blows stuff up/sets stuff on fire with a side of cooking vids and gaming

most are filmed outside, he does those challenges where you try to cook stuff with limited ingredients/materials

has the largest fanbase of all of them, but not the most…intimidating.

does a lot of collab videos, mostly with Impa, Daruk, and Riju because they have similar interests/channels, but Zelda appears in his videos and is seen filming and the stans read too far into it

simps. i’m pointing at you.

Most popular videos are “shield surfing on rock!—how I broke my leg” “can Daruk eat Impa’s motorcycle?” and “how to inhale ranch dressing.”

Twitter handle is @ arsonistslullabye because he’s a hozier fan

45m subs

Zelda:

theories, analyses, conspiracies, and the occasional e x p e r i m e n t

she once got link to eat a frog for 50 bucks.

most people argue that she’s better than more popular YouTubers because she actually has quality content to give to the world and she has a lot of defensive supporters

She used to get a lot of hate before Urbosa spoke up about it and scared the bejeezus out of everyone

has an actual posting schedule

“Happy Sunday everyone, it’s Zelda Hyrule and today we will be talking about cryptozoology and why blupees exist, you cowards.”

Twitter handle is @ zeldaofhyrule and she is pan. just so you know. One of those calm extroverts that mystify me to this day.

18m subs

Sidon:

fashion/life hacks. Like gourmet troom troom but if they were real people.

Has the 2nd largest fanbase

most of them are girls

Sidon has a boyfriend though, which he told everyone at VidCon a few years ago

cue the drama and shipping and the entire fandom trying to figure out who the boyfriend is. A well known reddit thread emerged that presented the common guesses being Link, Sidon, and Zelda.

“But it can’t be Zelda, Sidon’s gay.”

“I’m not in the fandom but I thought Zelda was a boy??”

“Did you just say Sidon? Is that a typo? Are you saying that Sidon’s dating himself?”

Sidon x Sidon became a fandom joke.

Don’t look at me I’m just setting up all the worldbuilding. every fandom has their weird dark sides and Sidon x Sidon is the Linkcest of the Sidon YT fandom.

Mystery BF is actually Bazz, a pretty inconspicuous guy who appeared in a few of his videos. This was confirmed a year ago, but everyone still ships him with other YouTubers because they’re convinced he was lying to throw them off his scent. He really can’t catch a break and this is why you should not ship real people.

Twitter handle is @ officialprincesidon

says “beguiling” a lot

21m subs ᕙ( ͡❛ ▿ ͡❛)ᕗ

Mipha:

Sidon’s sister, hasn’t posted a single video but just has the channel for show because she appears in so many of Sidon’s videos as a model for his makeup tutorials and whatnot

has 328k for that. Everyone loves her, she’s great. @ mimipha

Revali:

Link’s sworn rival

Link thinks they’re friends

He kept popping up in link’s Twitter threads and making snarky comments until zelda called him out for not even following link (so why was he stalking his acc) which kept the Twitter drama to a minimum

Revali was the catalyst of a few popular memes and that’s where most of his subs come from.

drags link into a few challenges that always get a ton of views because of how competitive they get

“ITS JUST ASININE” is a running joke that everyone tries to get him to say. His @ is itsjustasinine as well

Urbosa is the only person who can win an argument with him

5m subs and growing rapidly. newer to youtube than everyone else.

Impa:

Doesn’t have a channel she’s just a mutual friend of Mipha, Zelda, and Link

Rides a motorcycle, so she is used in a few of Link’s videos.

@ ihaveamotorcycle because she thinks having a motorcycle is a personality trait. the most unruly on Twitter when it comes to replying to fan’s stuff, leaking upcoming videos and generally causing chaos.

Mipha’s girlfriend. That’s how she met Zelda and Link.

Urbosa:

Is actually a model, but she has a ton of YouTuber friends because she’s known Zelda since birth.

when she entered the youtube community she didn’t realize she would be adopting like 15 children

5m subs. her videos are professional & related to her modelling career. @ urbosasfury

I feel like she would do unboxing vids. I’m not sure what she’s unboxing.

Daruk

Just a friend of Link’s, fun guy. yells a lot. once ate a rock and had no reaction.

people are scared of him for that reason

Riju:

yoga & gymnastics & “ha look at how flexible I am its eAsY” videos

you know the type

she also does reactions and is sponsored by save the sand seals charities which she is very enthusiastic about. She’s also Urbosa’s niece and the only minor in the gang (15). I like to think that the champions YT community is actually not creepy so everyone respects her a ton

doesn’t post frequently, she mostly appears in Link’s videos to jump out of airplanes or whatever. And sometimes Zelda’s if she’s interested in the topic. 500k subs, but she’s always really popular when she appears in Link’s videos.

VidCon:

In the months leading up to VidCon, some fans on the internet made a few discoveries: first of all, that the inside of Link’s house is painted green. This is a big deal because all of his videos are filmed outside either in his backyard or on trips that he and the brosquad go on to do…whatever bros do. explosions. idk. The point is he had some announcement about VidCon and filmed it inside. Only the wall and a potted plant were shown.

However, the colour was similar to the the shade of Zelda’s living room. Fans dug through years and years of old videos and found a clip of Zelda walking through a hallway, where there was an open door and a glimpse of a houseplant.

There were 2 types of responses to the theory:

“They could just be roommates guys calm down”

“and they were ROOMMATES?”

others pointed out that Link could just not have a house and had to crash in Zelda’s

Some guy on reddit claimed he had a botany degree and declared that the houseplants in the clips were not of the same genus. Normal people pointed out that the plant would have grown 4 years between the clips and would look considerably different.

#Zelink trended on twitter for a while and people posted other old clips from both of their channels and the frog video blew up again

Impa retweeted a post tagged as #zelink with “rofl” and later publicly apologized for causing confusion.

Fans noticed that in the “can a motorcycle drive over my arm” (it was clickbait he’s fine) episode 2 years ago, Link was eating out of a paper lunch bag with his name written on it in handwriting that a few people claimed to look like Zelda’s, leading people to believe that she had packed him a lunch.

However, this theory was shot down with the counterargument that Zelda can’t cook. although. i mean how much skill do you need to make a sandwich.

No one knows what tumblr is doing at this time

Zelda wore a scarf in her “Save the Sand Seals” video that matched identically to the scarf Link wore when he travelled to Hebra to film a shield surfing video, but it’s been debated wether it’s actually the same scarf or not.

Neither Zelda nor Link has spoken up about the theories, and besides Impa’s one slip on twitter, neither has any of their friends. Zelda received a lot of backlash for the assumption that she was dating Link because he has a lot of delusional fans that didn’t want her to “steal their man” or whatever the hell that type of fan would get mad about

Oh yea and bolson & karson run a zelink fanpage on twitter sorry I forgot about that

after that whole mess, everyone was even more anticipant of VidCon in the hopes that some of their questions would be answered.

The whole batch went to VidCon this year: Link, Impa, Daruk, and Riju are a gang while Sidon and Mipha go together and Zelda & Revali each go separately. Urbosa is there for supervision moral support

Zelda has always been much better at dodging questions that she doesn’t want to answer than anyone else, so her Q&A went without a hitch. When asked to confirm the rumours she said “which one?” and then moved on to the next question (without actually confirming any rumours).

Link is generally a more awkward person but eventually said that he had filmed the video in Zelda’s house because it was nicer and didn’t realize it would cause such an uproar. Fans were disappointed, but Bolson claimed he saw Link and Zelda exiting the hotel elevator on the same floor after Link’s Q&A session. No one believed him.

Fans went back to theorizing over who Link, Zelda, and Sidon were all dating, because apparently they can’t just be dating unknown people and have to be with other YouTubers

Sidon and Bazz got engaged about a week after VidCon, making at least 4 preteen girls cry

actually try 4 million

Sidon x Sidon made a brief comeback but Sidon spoke up about his fandom for the first time ever on twitter and told everyone that no, he was not dating himself. eventually, everyone settled down and accepted that none of them were in a relationship save for a few loud fans.

Link and Zelda still got the occasional “when will you tell us who you’re dating?” comment but most of them were joking and the people who still hardcore shipped them were generally frowned upon. Zelda’s popularity went up after VidCon and she regained the 200k subscribers she’d lost after the first theory dropped.

Two months after VidCon, Link posted a video titled “Zelda and I’s House Tour!” and gave around 45 million people a heart attack

as revealed in the video, they had actually been dating since they were 16 and everyone’s just a fool.

the potted plant is named Hestu.

[yeolmae-s]

a chanbaek analysis from a veteran exo-l

before anything else there are a few disclaimers i'd like to make:

i am writing this analysis right now because as a non exo stan i'm not into chanbaek that much anymore. of course i like them to some degree since i'm writing this and all but it's nothing in comparison to the way i felt about them two years ago. so i feel like it's easier to keep a less clouded (?) state of mind being where i'm at right now, mentally, in regards to them. i feel like i can look at things more objectively, which is why i decided to write this and share it with you all.

for all the smart asses out there, this is a ship analysis. yes, i’m reading too much into everything. that’s what an analysis is.

all translation credits goes to @/fyeah-chanyeol

i'm a chanyeol stan. this analysis will, most likely, have more information about him in comparison to baekhyun. this is simply because i consumed more content about him since he's my bias (such as magazine interviews, fancams).

i don't stan exo anymore, but it's not because of anything they did. i liked them for a long time and made a lot of different friends because of this fandom, therefore i experienced a lot of hurt, scandals, fights and didn't deal very well with many things, so i decided to leave. this didn't happen because of exo themselves and neither did it happen because of the fandom itself. it happened because of the relationships i had.

that being said, i haven't been following them closely for the past year and a half, but i still keep up with stuff a bit, although not chanbaek related stuff since i gotta dive in kinda deeper for that lmao. so this analysis is mostly in depth for 2012-2018. if anything that you perceive as significant happened after 2018 i'm more than willing to hear your opinions about it.

so, let's get started!!

MAMA ERA

I have always felt like Chanyeol and Baekhyun's relationship was strange. I started shipping them when they debuted and more specifically because of the 130128 ISAC. When I was younger I didn't see a lot to discuss in their ISAC interactions besides it being cute and shippy, but I've started to look at it differently now.

I think everyone knows how ISAC is known for being basically a stage for fanservice. The whole "dating ground for idols" issue aside, judging from the amount of attention they direct towards the fans who manage to attend the event, idols are clearly instructed to perform fanservice. EXO's first ISAC had to be full of it, obviously, and they did give fans a lot to be happy about, content we still get giddy about to this day, and I'm sure they were instructed to act like this to please us. I don't believe that fanservice equals "false interactions": if two individuals are talking, touching each other, they are interacting, even if it is a carefully planned setting made specifically for pleasing fans. They still get reactions out of one another through these interactions, it is still relevant to the way these people's relationship will develop; even though these acts are done with the intent of pleasing a crowd.

Don't get me wrong, though. I don't think the 2013 ISAC fanservice changed anything in Chanbaek's relationship. In fact, I just want to use it as a way to illustrate something I will explain later on.

To be remembered in an industry you must have an image. You won't be getting anywhere without a carefully constructed visual image. Marilyn Monroe is always used as an example of this: she's someone you can easily make a costume of and people will instantly recognize it as her. She's basically a concept by now: blonde hair, red lips and white hair. These aspects take our mind back to her instantly. Of course, most celebrities don't achieve this type of icon status, but it is still important to cling to a specific concept/image of what you want your celebrity self to be perceived as. Without this, you'll be forgotten as soon as your career ends.

When Chanyeol debuted, he clung to the first trait they gave him: being a happy person, a.k.a "happy virus". If you were not an EXO fan back in 2013 then it's likely you're not even aware of this nickname that was given to him, but it's basically just what it sounds like (lol). He was bright, energetic, had a "teeth rich" smile (another nickname that was given to him back then), was able to give 10/10 laughter reactions to MCs and to his members jokes, was always enthusiastic to interact and smile towards fans. He even introduced himself as "happy virus Chanyeol" in interviews (and later on that changed to "EXO's voice Chanyeol" or "EXO's rapper Chanyeol").

I feel like Chanyeol was very much aware of this "must have" that I mentioned, this need to have an image pasted into yourself and have that image be what people will remember you as. We're all complex and multifaceted individuals, but the general public needs something simple to grab on to, something easy to remember. That happy guy from EXO? I know who he is! I'm sure this is the path Chanyeol chose, back when he debuted: to pick a trait given to you by the public and make it a huge part of your image.

However, that image of him didn't last very long. It certainly became tiring to worry so much about how he was being perceived, to carefully construct something so his career would last, specially when his group had so many scandals and went through a sudden burst of popularity that changed their lives completely. By 2017, Chanyeol already had a change of mind in relation to his career, these changes being mostly due to how he felt about music and what he wanted to do with it.

He recognized himself as having always being impatient, which might be the reason why he clung to a specific image so fast right after debuting:

From Fall Magazine in 2017

"At the moment I just want to enjoy myself with the music as it comes, without feeling as though I have to do something. It isn’t a greed from impatience, I could call it more of a greed to do better."

"When I first debuted I thought I was very optimistic, but as time has passed I think a more reserved side of me is showing."

"I think I've grown in many ways. Maybe it’s because it’s as though I perform everyday, but the stage has become comfortable for me. Shall we say I’ve become more calm and composed? [...] I think I’ve become more mature."

He matured. He's still bright and energetic but he's also more reserved. He managed to keep up the fanservice that his fans adore in a way that is more fitting to his actual personality. It still is an image, but an image that's not as exhausting as his previous one, with its strict demands to act in a certain way all the time. I remember specific interview with MCs demanding him to smile (although jokingly, of course) saying things like "Aren't you EXO's happy virus?", so I'm sure he felt pressured.

This is interesting to think about when put side by side with his relationship with Baekhyun. Back when they debuted, Chanyeol and Baekhyun were close friends that clearly felt comfortable with each other, and it isn't surprising to think that Baekhyun would be Chanyeol's first pick when he thought about doing fanservice with someone. Of course, I can't exactly pinpoint their first fanservice moment since I'm not a walking EXO encyclopedia anymore, but I can say with certainty that both of them felt like it worked as soon as they first tried it with the fans, and that's the reason why they kept doing it. Conveniently, they were both good friends, so all was good.

Until well, it wasn't.

At some point, Chanyeol's interactions with Baekhyun seemed too eager for Baekhyun himself. There are various moments where this is visible, such as this one:

Why are you grabbing my wrist out of nowhere young man........

Or...

That one pic where Jongdae, who was in front of them, looked so damn uncomfortable I can't even bring myself to google it

Of course, they had some over the top fanservice that did work out pretty well, such as this one, both of them imitating Jonghyun's and Taemin's Internet War stage, which seems a little scripted now that I look at it properly, with Baekhyun seemingly expecting Chanyeol to do whatever it is that he did on that day. (Can you imagine this: both of them backstage, watching Jonghyun's and Taemin's performance in silence, and one of them just blurts out "We should do that too!". What the fuck was going on)

By the way, if you have never seen the original Internet War performance, you can watch it here.

This is what they were imitating.

Tumblr won’t let me upload the gifs for this moment for some reason, so here and here.

You can't tell me Baekhyun wasn't expecting it already, lol.

Now, know what this moment reminds me of? ISAC. On their Internet War imitation moment, Baekhyun seemed fine, playful, even, agreeing. During ISAC, however, doing basically the same thing again (this time on a lighter way even; since they weren't, you know. Imitating a strong performance such as Internet War.), he appears reluctant. It's a bit painful to watch.

What changed? The ISAC event happened a few months after the SMTOWN concert where they did the Internet War thing, so what made things become so different?

If this has enough likes I’ll make a second part!

[a-shakespearean-in-paris]

I was in a toxic friendship

I want to preface this by saying I am so much happier right now and I am no longer friends with this person. Haven’t seen or heard from her in over a year. I also want to be clear this was a friendship I had in real life, not tumblr. I think however this story’s lessons can be applicable across the board to online friendships and even relationships with family members. Please, if you ever feel belittled by your “friends,” and you bring it up to them and they brush it aside and think you’re overreacting, it’s not a friendship. 

I was friends with this person, let’s call her Stacy, for about ten years before I realized I no longer wanted to speak to her or be her friend. I met her in the ninth grade and we bonded over Disney World and other things and I could talk to her about anything, including this huge crush I had on a twelfth grade boy. She came over to my house sometimes, though not a lot, and as high school wore on we started going to the mall together, stuff like that. I went to college in a different city and she came to visit me sometimes, and we even worked at the same theme park, though different departments. For all intents and purposes this was my best friend, though Stacey got upset when I also called my cousin my best friend, even though she spoke of her sister as her best friend.

She got a boyfriend when we were both around 21/22 or so, I think we were both juniors in college, though she took a semester off because she hated school and thought it was weird I was a double major. She told me her boyfriend was thirty and she met him at work. I thought the age gap was a little big, but I wasn’t one to judge. Later on I found out he was 36 and she told me she lied because she was worried how I would react. I met him and I thought he was nice, but when she got engaged when we were both around 23, I had only met him that one time for a birthday dinner she had, and my mom and dad told me they thought it was kind of strange. They also said it was weird to them whenever I hung out with Stacey it was only for like an hour, two at most, especially since my cousin and I could spend days and day together at sleepovers, chilling and being ourselves, interpretative dancing, lol. Privately I also found it odd I could talk to Stacey about anything, but when I asked questions about her life and her thoughts she’d barely talk. Her grandma passed away, she loved visiting my grandma because she could have one through me. One day I broke down and admitted my grandmother is a narcissist, and she is different behind closed doors. she berates me, used to call me fat, berated me. Stacey didn’t believe me. I can’t say when she started not being such a good presence in my life, but these were some seeds, and it got worse--slow at once and then all at once as they say.

Anyway, I was a bridesmaid of hers and her sister was the maid of honor--a mutual friend was another bridesmaid and there was one more (super sweet girl and I don’t even think Stacy talks with her much anymore either LMAO) and at this point in my life I was really into my first fanfic IWD. I was consumed with it, to put it bluntly. This is another story entirely but I spent so much of my college career as an English major writing for academia, and when I was finally writing something for me, I bloomed. I talked to her about it and she kind of laughed about this Cullen person but she liked to read fanfic herself so was whatever about me doing it. I shared with her my first piece of commissioned art and she laughed at Lydia thinking Lydia was just me, and I told her, no, she wasn’t, she’s based off of several old hollywood ladies and I actually made her avatar in game, but she wouldn’t believe it. I actually ended up saying “would you think this if I were white and she were white as well” and she laughed and didn’t understand. Needless to say the whole incident rubbed me the wrong way. I ignored it. Her wedding happened, her sister made a good speech, then when all the groomsmen did a speech for the groom the other Bridesmaids and I thought we had to do something, so we got up there and made an impromptu speech. I called her my sister and I told her I loved her. I didn’t know it then, but I didn’t believe her when she said “love you too.”

I wanted to go back to school, and I ended up in a Masters program after the wedding. My summer semester, my first, went well, starting in June and ending in July. I finished IWD and went to another fic, Stacey making fun of Sophie, my OC for that fic too, because I just straight up made her part Hawaiian like I am. When I told her I had little representation growing up other than like Lilo and Stitch and now Moana, (which I don’t like TBH but another story lol.) she asked me what the big deal was about that. Why did it matter that no main character ever looked as I looked? I couldn’t explain to her how much writing a character who was like me in a fanfic mattered. We planned on going to Disney World, me, her, her sister, and the other bridesmaid, but don’t post anything on facebook because she didn’t want to invite the other other bridesmaid. I wanted to go to a nightclub with her for my birthday but she didn’t want to go because her sister couldn’t enter, so after my whole family, plus her and her husband ate at my favorite restaurant, she went home even after I begged her to come with my and my cousin. She said it was stupid. Also, her husband was a huge ass to wait staff. Alarm bells went off for all of us.

But I was looking forward to Disney in December that year. (2018) I didn’t have a job at the time but was actively looking. Well, I got a job after interview after interview at restaurants that wouldn’t hire me, my dream job researching Shakespeare. It fell through. (I was promised to actively help the professor research, it fell through.) She paid for the trip without me knowing and I had to pay her back 800 dollars on writing commissions which I severely underpriced. because I was worried no one would pay otherwise. School wasn’t going well. Put it simply I felt really dumb and stupid and like I didn’t belong, (we were reading Ulysses!!!) which I later learned was a common sentiment with my classmates who began the same time as I. I will admit my relationship with academia is rocky at the moment, but I genuinely do love to write, love to research, love to make discoveries about new texts. Stacey saw how stressed I was and sad and got angry I was so sad, and asked why was I in school anyway Am I going to be on my deathbed and wished I studied harder? I didn’t have the energy to tell her it wasn’t about “studying harder,” it was that I loved writing and reading and wanted to be a part of academia. Learning makes me happy, expanding my mind. She belittled me anyway, thinking getting a Masters was dumb and I wouldn’t get a good job.

At Disney World I was so happy. I hadn’t been there since I was a child. She made fun of me for wanting to meet Ariel, for wanting to ride Soaring and being afraid to check grades when a classmate said they were up. I got so stressed I cried at the Japan pavilion at Epcot and stress ate sauerbraten at the Germany pavilion (Amazing by the way, I love German food.) She basically dictated the entire trip--we went to Universal for Harry Potter World at her request and refused to ride the spider man ride with me (it was fucking fun too-girl missed out.) All she wanted to do was stand around in Harry Potter world all day, (LOL now right?) I wasn’t that big of a Potter fan anymore, even at that point, and she told me I was going to stay there anyway and like it. She dictated the entire trip and when I questioned her about it she said I wasn’t listening to to her--we were following the agenda. Our last day there we went to a “Hawaiian” restaurant and made a comment about my “Hawaiian privileges.” I just didn’t have the heart to tell her that the crap we ate didn’t hold a candle to real Hawaiian luau food.

When we got back I was mentally drained and melancholic because I wondered why Stacey was so cruel to me. She always had a biting wit, but before it seemed playful. Now it was cruel, mocking. She made me feel so incredibly stupid. At this point my cousin got engaged and I cried because I wanted so badly to be in love with someone and get married. I was angry and I lashed out at people I shouldn’t have. I was later diagnosed as depressed. I felt like my life was at a standstill and matters with Stacey didn’t help. I also had a huge writing crisis--I told Stacey something I will always remember and always regret because she doesn’t deserve to know: I write the romances I want because no man wants me.  At this point, Stacy turned me into her project. She didn’t like how sad I was at Disney World, it put a bummer on her trip, and when I told her she seemed off she brushed it off. Her plan was to get me on dating apps and basically settle for anyone, even though I had used apps before and don’t like them, but when I got back on Bumble she basically patronized me and told me she was proud of me and “small steps.” On bumble, I wanted to vomit. (for the record, I am not against dating apps, I know success stories, but at that time I was not emotionally ready to date.) Also, she would teach me to drive so I could go on dates, but only in my Dad’s truck. 

I wish I could say I broke it off, that I told her not to talk to me again, but Stacey stopped talking to me first. However. the day she stopped was when I told her she was wrong and I wouldn’t listen to this anymore. What happened? I mentioned I was demisexual.  She said it wasn’t real. I said it was real to me--I don’t experience sexual attraction unless I have bonded with someone. Sure there are people I like to look at, but it’s not a sexual attraction. She asked about my crush on Tom Hiddleston, Cullen, “that robot guy” and was like yeah you’re sure demi, and lol it’s not real. It wasn’t just her words, it was the mocking indifference. 

I went off. I told her she didn’t have the right to tell me what was in my brain or how I felt. I knew who I was and who I am. I should have also told her I wasn’t her project, but I left her that day and it was the last time I saw her.

I talked to my dad that night and mentioned it to him, being demi, and you know what he told me? I think I’m the same way. I think I almost cried. 

I tried to talk to her again but she didn’t want to see me. She had “personal issues and was busy” I pissed her off. Good, I say now. But after this happened in March of 2019 I thought I had no friends. She was my only friend, and I lost another mutual friend (one we went to Disney with) because she knew Stacey longer than she knew me. But you know what happened in April? My cousin asked me to be her maid of honor and I fucking wept, because there was my best friend--my sister all along. Just because she lives in another city and we are growing up and it took me longer to figure out my career than her doesn’t change the fact that we have a bond that can’t be broken. My cousin is one of my favorite people and if you know her you love her--it is impossible not to. And when I told her about my fanfic and about being demi she wanted to know, wanted to listen. School got better too--I started chatting in class more and come to find out, one of my classmates also broke up with a toxic friend. God I love her and I miss her--wish I could see her. (thanks COVID) 

There was more, but this was a lot, and I spent more time writing this than I thought I would. I wanted to write it because seeing a few posts float around made me remember, and I want ya’ll to know, leaving a friendship is scary. Sometimes it can be worse than leaving a lover. But it is a brave thing to do. Part of me that knew I should have left at the first racist comment (oh yeah, she called me a pineapple one day before the Disney trip, did I mention it’s a slur for Hawaiian people? If my grandma were there she would have clobbed her.) but I stayed because I didn’t think I had any other friends. Well, I did and I do, and I know now friends lift each other up, not belittle or talk behind your back. They listen to me when I talk about how important my writing and my characters are to me. 

Sometimes I still miss her--but mostly the high school her that I knew before she met her husband. I don’t know if he changed her or this was her all along, perhaps both. I got fired from a job in November 2019 (which now I’d like to thank them because I got a better and more fulfilling job with a boss that respects me.) and when I cried outside the place, humiliated, I wanted to call her and vent like I used to. I didn’t. Now I don’t want to call her anymore or talk to her. I’d rather spend time with people who care, people who don’t kick me when I’m down. Since then I am so much stronger, in so many ways. The worst times in my life yielded the greatest lessons I have ever learned. 

If you made it this far, thank you. I did tear up a little writing this, but please know: it can be hard to walk a new path, but it is brave. You are brave. You don’t deserve to be belittled *hugs*

[fuckyeahspones]

1. How did you start shipping Spones?

I started shipping spones when I somehow got it into my head that Spock would have an irrational desire to pick McCoy up and carry him around! I think adestroy’s comics first introduced me to the concept of spones, and it didn’t hurt that the first episode of TOS that I ever saw was All Our Yesterdays lol

Great spones fics (Surgeon’s Mate by belmanoir springs to mind), regular content from sleepymccoy throughout 2015-2017 or so, and excellent fanvids on YouTube by Danzinora Switch all helped to keep me interested in the ship.

2. Why did you ship them?

My “true” ship is McSpirk, but the great thing that the spones relationship has over the spirk relationship is the tension. Spones has what every romcom wants (and usually fails) to have: two people who are clearly well-matched for each other in terms of intellect, ideals, lifestyle and personality, but who have got off on the wrong foot due to relatively minor differences in temperament, mode of expression, prejudices and insecurities.

This tension can be played equally well for comedy and for angst. Furthermore, they are both such honest and loyal people that a serious meaningful relationship is totally plausible, opening up possibilities for fluff or epic romance. So you can have anything you want, with spones!

Also (unlike Kirk, unlike Spock), McCoy simply will not experience fulfilment without marriage. He is lonely and his career and friendships cannot fully sate that loneliness. He needs total commitment to and from one person. And Spock is the best match for him.

3. What are some reasons you like Spock and McCoy as characters?

Well I only fell into the Star Trek fandom because of Leonard Nimoy’s expressive face! Spock has remained my favourite character because I admire his stoicism, his utter integrity, his deadpan wit; and I relate to his reticence, awkwardness and (imo) demisexuality.

It took me a while to really like McCoy. In the show, the writers sometimes didn’t do the character justice, and the spones arguments don’t always make sense. But the fandom has really developed McCoy’s character as it was meant to be and as DeForest Kelley portrayed him. I love his sass, his selflessness, his mistrust of space and technology, the way he covers up his deep emotions with cantankerousness and surface emotions.

Above all, the great thing about McCoy from a shipper’s point of view is his boundless potential for pining! He breaks his own heart at the slightest provocation – which means he has limitless potential for bliss once things work out in the end.

4. Some of your fave things about liking Spones: tropes, fics, headcanons etc?

I like that spones works particularly well as an AU. Now normally I don’t even like AUs. With spirk, for instance, I can’t stand AUs because they can never be better than the actual spirk relationship in TOS, so what’s the point?

With spones, though, it seems as though TOS is almost the worst possible outcome, as though Spock and McCoy would, in any other universe or circumstances, have come together more quickly, easily and completely? So whether it’s a completely different AU (like Regency era or cowboys or something) or just a “what if this episode had gone a little differently” AU, there’s endless scope.

I’m sorry for the late reply! I saw this submission in the inbox but, before I could do anything, my power went out for days so I’m now just taking a chance to look at your answers!

That is a hell of an introduction to Spones! All Our Yesterdays has a lot of Spones content, Adestroy has such great comics, but when sleepymccoy made all that spones content from 2014-2017, it actually was one of the reasons I actually made a tumblr. Danzinora Switch’s videos are WONDERFUL but honestly her fics? Such good gen fic I’m cry. I can see how you got sucked into the Spones very quickly.

I, too, love McSpirk! (My multishipping butt collects ships like no one’s business lmao) You do make a great point about Spones having what most romcom movies want but don’t always succeed at with their main interests.

You are so very right about the writer’s not always doing justice to McCoy’s character (sometimes they write him antithesis to what has been established AS his character in other episodes -- I’ve discussed this before with Trek-Tracks, but Bev and I agreed that some of these writers would write Spock & McCoy as opposites, even on positions that would definitely be very out of character for McCoy, if it meant it was the “opposite” of what Spock was presenting, and it’s just very frustrating) and the amount of thought Deforest Kelley put into McCoy is quite amazing (I have a press release where he talks really in-depth about it, it’s a wonderful read!) and it’s nicer that fans have seen through some of that OOC bs and came up what maybe they were trying to establish with him at the time but didn’t always succeed.

And yes, to the boundless potential for McCoy angst, whump and pining. Goodness.

You have a good point about AUs! They really do work well transposed into all kinds of AUs (I know, I’ve accumulated to many in my fic wips lmao) which is a shame because there aren’t enough AU fics for this pair. In recent years, I’ve started to see more of them, but there is definitely room for more!

It’s been awhile since I’ve read Surgeon’s Mate, but I remembered it to be pretty good, and if anyone wants to read it, you can find it on AO3 here. I do remember it’s a pretty “old” fic, like 2011? 2012? It’s been awhile.

If you like Danzinora Switch’s fanvids, I think y’all would enjoy the gen fics. The fics are SUCH a joy to read, especially like that one where Spock & McCoy time travel to Vulcan’s past. It can be all found and read here, on fanfiction.net.

[salytierra]

I will be permanently removing myself from “Fandom”

Not that anybody cares but here’s the thing: I’m tired of the cycle. 

By cycle I mean: getting into something → getting really into that thing and following a bunch of people, discovering ships theories and niches → reading most of my new OTP’s AO3 → start noticing all the drama, discourse and nonsense on tumblr → start getting really annoyed yet spend a lot of time and energy writing and drawing for the fandom → wake up one day and my hyperfixation is over. I’m no longer interested in the thing, I don’t want to see it, I lost all my WIPs and my completed works no longer bring me pride and joy → I wish I hadn’t wasted so many time on this because it looks so utterly pointless now. → Start unfollowing people and fixing my dash → R·E·P·E·A·T

This has been happening more and more often. I’m 27 and have been doing this since I was 13. I used to last years in fandoms. Now I can barely manage to get interested into something for a couple months. And meanwhile I don’t do anything with myself. I don’t build a reputation or a “sub-career” or something I can show-off or make a name for myself with. Because I keep cycling. 

And it’s always, always toxic. All fandoms are toxic when you dive deep enough. It’s a bunch of people arguing about meaningless crap like it decides the meaning of their life. They look nice on the surface but I’ve been in many, even as just an observer, and I’ve seen the same tired old drama in each of them. It’s a deal on the nerves and takes the worst out of communities. 

It’s going to be hard because ADHD and Hyperfixation, but I’m gonna try to learn how to enjoy media like a normal person. 

And maybe write and draw porn for twitter/reddit if the artistic need strikes lol. At least that is absolutely timeless and universal. 

I don’t know what’s going to become of this blog just yet, I’m not gonna dispose of it like I did with my previous one, but I will do my best not to keep up diving into fandoms. 

Maybe just reblog art, memes and funny posts? Who knows. 

I’m too busy for it now anyway. 

***

Some parting Recs:

- Genshin Impact is an awesome free game if u can’t afford the new Zelda.  - The Fire and Valor trilogy is a fantastic read/listen despite the crappy covers.  - This song.  - Whenever you’re sad look up “angry owls” on google images:

- And last but not least: take a break form tumblr. Seriously, do it. As often as you want because you are not obligated to be here or to cater to people here for free. Your mental health will thank you. 

[theonetheycallhannah]

The Treatment of Captain Syverson- Chapter 7: Non-Productive Time

Pairing: Captain “Sy” Syverson x OFC (Shane Benton)

Summary: On a slow afternoon, Shane remembers a couple of fun evenings with Sy, and can’t help but start texting him…he turns out to be a bad influence.

Don’t want spoilers? Click me first to catch up!

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings:  Language, mature themes, a steamy scene that bumps up against the line of smut/not smut…it looks like smuttish is, in fact, a thing, (see what I did there? Toss a high five to your fic writer for the paraphrased Witcher quote in these here notes! lol! Sorry, i’m tired...and in a weird mood tonight...) so, anyway, using that. I love it. 

Author’s Note: This chapter was about half done before I even started SI1 and SI2! So that’s why it’s come along so quickly in the wake of them. It could also mean that there are some continuity issues…I found a couple during the re-write of the first part, and more when I was proofing, so it should be good, but…fair warning, one or more could have escaped me! Also, let me know if the text convo is hard to follow. I’ll try to reconfigure it to be more clear. It seemed to me like context was enough, and they’d had text convos before, and no one said anything…this one’s longer by about 300%, though, so…feedback and constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated!

Disclaimer: Unfortunately for me, Henry is not mine, le sigh, and all mention of him, his characters, any characters from his films, or his precious doggy, Kal, are strictly for transformative and recreational use. I neither ask for, nor accept payment for the work I post on Tumblr or AO3. Unbeta’d because this is for fun and escapism.

Tags: 

@onlyhenrys

@cavillryarchive

@summersong69

@titty-teetee

@bloodyinspiredfuck

@agniavateira

@oddsnendsfanfics

@omgkatinka

@thisismysecretthirstblog

@misslaland

@speakerforthedead0@tumblnewby

@suavechops

Hope I’m not forgetting anyone! If you want to be notified when I post a new chapter or work, I’ll be happy to add you to my tag list! Stricken blogs are getting personal messages from me when a new chapter is uploaded because Tumblr’s faulty tagging system will not stand in the way of me delivering what the people want!(?) lol! (Although…their lackadaisical notification system might…sorry for that. I have no control. lol!)

Time seemed to pass slowly when Shane wasn’t with Sy. When they weren’t having dinner together, or doing their typical date thing. She thought about their second date. One of the bars in town, chosen for its above average bar food but mostly, it’s pool tables. The warning he’d given her via text had made her laugh:

We’re goin’ to Cade’s for apps and pool, if that's okay. As gorgeous as you looked in that blue dress you wore last night, I recommend jeans and a T-shirt for tonight, okay?

She took his suggestion. A simple black tee, because she was a food klutz from hell, layered over a red camisole, and her favorite jeans. It showed off her dainty arrow necklace well.

While they played, they drank beer and talked about life, getting deeper into things than they could at therapy sessions.

“Dad split when I was about ten, I guess. Mom did her best with her only son, but she sent me to my grandpa’s a lot when she was working or just…needing her own time. He’d been an army man. Fought in Korea. His dad was in World War II. It felt like…I don’t know, this pull, like I was meant to join up.”

“Destiny?” She asked. A dreamy tone overtook him when he talked about his family and his now former career.

“I guess. Never though too much of all that before.”

They smiled at one another. Knowing.

“What was he like? Your grandpa?”

“Oh, Pap was the best. He was a mechanic in the service and so he could get anything hummin, ya know? We fixed up and built motors for all kinds a’ shit. My first car was a ‘67 Shelby Mustang with the fast back all because when I was about 14, he found most of one at a salvage yard and basically rescued it from the crusher. Got it for about nothin’. For two years we collected parts and did body work on that thing. And by the time I turned sixteen, it was the most beautiful, show-ready Kerry green machine you ever seen.”

“One of my favorite cars! I’d love to see pictures!”

“I’ve still got ‘er.” He grinned. “When Pap died, it got…hard for me to drive her, ya know? So…special occasions only now. And he left me his truck, which he’d just bought brand new while I was on my first tour. That F150 crew cab we came here in, with all the bells 'n whistles. I couldn’t let such a fine automobile go to waste.” He grinned.

“You’re such a gear head.” She chuckled.

“Hey, you may be glad about that when you need somebody to get your own motor humming.” He teased back at her, bending over the table to take his shot and sinking it deftly. He said they would only play for fun, but he was still winning this round…which she didn’t think was that fun.

“Okay, I deserved that.”

“The shot, or the innuendo?” He asked to clarify.

“Yes.” They laughed. He eventually did miss, making it her turn.

"Ya know, I'm disappointed in this date, Shane." He baited.

"How come?" she asked, a bit hurt.

"A guy only asks a girl to play pool with him so he can show her how to shoot…and you already know."

It was true. She'd played a lot growing up and even a bit as she got older. She and her siblings loved billiards. Her whole family, really. And although she was no professional, she wasn't half bad for an amateur.

"What do you mean?" she asked innocently, sizing up the table for her next shot, but knowing with a fair amount of certainty what he was implying.

"You know. I wanted to get all close to ya. Show ya how to grip that cue in your hand. How to stand, bent at the hip, where to eyeball your shot from." he smiled. "All that shit ya see in movies that makes the girl all nervous and excited that the guy's touchin' on her. Pressed up against her."

Shane grinned, picked up the small, blue cube of chalk and rolled the concave side over the tip of her cue…she had no need to do so, most people didn't, really…but she made herself look really sexy doing it and asked Sy, "Is that right? Well, I guess you'll have to find another way to get your cheap thrills, because this girl has been known to run a table." She bent over the green felt seductively, the angle at which she did so displaying her décolletage in his direction just enough to tantalize him into licking his lips. She took her shot at the 10 ball, but sunk the 8 instead, losing her the game…damn. She shouldn't have gotten cocky.

"Run it where, sunshine? Into the ground? Off a cliff?" he laughed as she stomped over and began to poke him mercilessly in the ribs.

"Come on, Minnesota Fats. Let's pay the tab and find something a little cozier to do."

"Oka--wait, did you just call me fat?" he was incredulous. She laughed.

"Oh my God, you thought YOU were gonna teach ME about billiards…Minnesota Fats is like the most famous pool player of ever. I am not calling you fat."

"You messin' with me?" he squinted.

"Sy, google it. I promise. I would never call you fat. You're… my sexy man bear."

"Technically a bear is a fat animal." he sulked.

"Why don't you tell that to one when it's chasing you down to make a meal of ya!" Shane laughed. "Come on. Remember? I think I mentioned something about… finding another way for you to get cheap thrills. Lets explore that, shall we?" she whispered into his ear. He dropped some bills on their table nearby to more than cover their food and beer, and they hauled ass into the night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They had definitely been exploring. In the two weeks since they'd been given the green light to see each other outside of therapy--the day Sy basically handed Shane's boss her own ass--they'd spent most evenings with each other, unless Shane had a particularly late evening at work or an early day the next day. A few nights, they had been together so late, that just staying over seemed the most reasonable option. But they had both agreed to take things slowly with the physical stuff. It had been a long time since either of them had been in a relationship, and given their patient/therapist situation, waiting a while for the sex had seemed like a good idea…on paper. On the sofa had been a different story.

One day last week, she'd had to make an early night of things, and stood up from his couch, but was pulled back down to straddle his lap.

"Hold on a minute, sunshine. Why don't you gimme a proper goodbye before ya go, hmm?" he held her so close to him at every curve of their bodies, like the pieces of a puzzle snapping flush together. His kisses were deep and agonizing, his beard gently brushing her mouth, teasing her with its uncommon softness. She returned the ardor, squeezing him in every way she could.

She couldn't contain the desire pooling at her center, especially when he clearly couldn't contain his, either, straining against his shorts, pressing against her so deliciously, right where she needed him. She didn't hold back. And he was nothing if not encouraging to her endeavor.

"That feels so good, baby. You're so warm. Mmm." he whispered as he nipped at her ear and bit at her neck. She hadn't intended to, but she felt herself slipping over the edge, into pure euphoria and gripped at his hair, still rather short, though growing out from the mandated buzz. The length made him even more sensitive and when she ran her hands up his neck and over the back of his head, the result was like an electric current straight to his manhood. His body tensed as his release followed hers seconds later.

"Fuck." he said. "I'm sorry."

"What for?" she was truly confused.

"For losin' it like a teenager." he sighed and laid his head against the back of his couch in surrender…an unfamiliar sight, Shane was certain.

"Don't worry about it. I mean…it's not quite how I pictured our first time, but--"

"Oh, hell no. This doesn't count as a TIME, sunshine. This is batting practice. A warm up.”

"Ooh, you and your baseball references again. I told you, I need to leave, Sy. You can't get me worked up with that kinda dirty talk." she kissed his cheek, and stood. "Walk me out?"

He did. And they stood holding one another in the dark, leaned up against her Explorer, Sy's back against the door, Shane's cheek on his bare, hairy chest, and the turning of the earth all but forgotten.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She had to stop thinking about him. About their dates and the time they'd spent together. But her schedule had fallen apart for the day due to a nasty storm that had blown in, she had no more education to work on for now, and she could only clean and organize her treatment room and desk so thoroughly.

She guessed…the secretaries knew she was available if need be…and she was salaried…what was the harm in texting Sy? She'd stayed late and came in early and overworked herself in general so much for this clinic. She could justify a bit of downtime.

Hey! Whatcha doin?

Just did some exercises that my super hot PT gave me! *winky face emoji*

Uh-Oh, should I be jealous?

Mmm, hard to say, sunshine. I guess it'll depend on which one of you sleeps with me first. *devil emoji*

Smart money is on the one who’s already let you get to second base…and basically third, even though…does it count if it’s basically because of a dare. Induced by Jack Daniels?

I think it counts if you came…*smirk emoji*

Damn those skilled fingers and Tennessee whiskey.

What can I say. I told ya I knew how to get a motor humming. *cool guy emoji*

You certainly do. No doubt about that.

So how's your day goin', sunshine?

Eh, everyone's cancelled on me. I have no one until 4:00, and I have nothing to do until then. I've decided to see it as a blessing and text my favorite fella.

And when he didn't respond, you resorted to me? *smirk emoji*

Hey you know that you have no competition for my affection other than like, my dad…and Chris Evans. Lol

Your dad, I'm sure I couldn't compete with if I tried, from what you've told me. Chris…well, I'm a REAL captain, not some guy jumpin' around in tights.

Mmmm, shame. I bet you'd look good in a getup like that. *heart eyes emoji*

You think so?

Yup! *American flag emoji*

You wanna be my Black Widow?

I mean…I've already basically got a costume…*embarrassed monkey emoji*

*several lines of big eye emojis*

Yeah, a few Halloweens ago…I was Romanoff. Now you know. I'm a total nerd.

I'm a nerd, too, sunshine. Serious nerd.

How am I just finding out about this? There's next to no merch at your place, and you never wear typical nerd shirts…*skeptical face emoji*

You haven't seen my whole place…*wink emoji*

What, are you telling me you have Batman bedsheets? *lol emoji*

Oh, it's much…much worse than that. The bedroom is pretty neutral, but…I have a…kind of rec room in the basement that is basically nerd central.

Oh. Em. Gee. I can't WAIT to see that, Sy!!! And how dare you hold out on me!!!

Well, I mean, I didn't wanna lay out all my cards right off the bat. I'm playing the long game.

Ah, so, when do I get to see this nerd trap?

Come on over, sunshine. *smiley face*

I said, I've got a patient at 4:00.

Everyone's cancelled on you. Can't you cancel on them for once?

Not unless I'm violently ill do I ever have any patients cancelled on my behalf.

So…say you're violently ill and come see me. *shrugging man emoji*

I dunno, Sy…

I got stuff to make that soup you like…

She had made it clear to him how much she loved soup, especially a good creamy potato soup, and on one of their dates, he'd had her over and there was a big pot of the stuff on his stove, made from scratch. She'd never had better, and he almost got lucky that night…and I mean…he still got a little lucky. He cooked for her AND cleaned up, AND let her pick the movie that night. She still picked an action movie, because she wasn't really a romance movie type, overall. Even so. Could she leave him hanging?

She opened her thread with Heather in her messenger app on her laptop.

Heather, is there anyone who could take my last patient, Mr. Lopez?

Looks like Cheri has a cancel around that time. Need me to move him?

If you could. I'm not feeling well.

Are you pregnant?

Omg, every fucking time. Why when anything is amiss in a woman's life must it be pregnancy?! And why is it okay to ask that question?! Ugh! She loved Heather like a sister, and it probably was just a joke, but uuuuuugh!

Yes…yes I am. *eye roll emoji* I've got a killer headache that's making me queasy. I'll email Susan. Thanks.

You bet. Tell Sy I said hi. *wink emoji*

Shut up.

After a quick and concise email to her boss, she picked her phone back up. One unread message.

You there, sunshine?

She simply replied,

Get that soup ready, Captain, I'm on my way.

Up Next: Chapter Eight: Heat/Ice

[synnefo-nefeli]

Hello!! Just wanted to say I just re read Heard Your Heart Beating for like... The fifth time, probably?? And now that I know ur tumblr, I just wanted to say. Its probably one of my fav Klapollo fics. I LOVE your characterization in it. Especially Apollo's, in which he gets flustered and provoked quite easily but he can also get super sassy and bitchy lmao. And I love his and Klavier's friendship? It makes me so happy to see fics where their pre-relationship is explored. I love seeing romantic interactions but it's also SUPER nice to see them just being... Platonic and hanging out together and supporting each other and being friends!! I mean relationships are founded upon friendships so it's really cute to read about them before they get all romantic too. I loved reading about their Valentine's Day hangout at Apollo's house. It's just... So chill. Even though you touched on the big Kristoph issue, it is also lighthearted at times. It was really nice to see Kristoph being addressed but it not being the whole point of their 'date'. And their banter...... Omg.... Especially Klavier's highkey flirting LMAOOO ITS SO FUNNY TO READDD!!! And Trucy omg.... I love the inclusion of her because of course she needs to be included. Love her. Anyways thank you so much for writing it!!! I don't want to, like, unknowingly pressure you into continuing or anything though!!! I just wanted to share my thoughts! I know how hard it can get continuing a fic when you have real life obligations lol. Anyways I will be suppperr happy if you do but even if you don't! I am still so glad you wrote the chapters so far. PHEW THATS IT. HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY

Anon, I am just dead from this comment.  When I read this, I wanted to cry because I am just so touched and humbled.

“Heard Your Heart Beating” has such a special place in my heart and I am sorry that it takes me 5ever to write in general that the updates to it are slow. Never did I think that a story I came up with nearly seven years ago (lsdkfmslkfdm) would take me this long to write but also I like taking my time with it, as I’ve never ever written a slow-burn fic.

I love Klapollo so much, and I just want to do them justice (haha), because there is so much there between them as characters.  They’re two characters bound by tragic events but, they’re both forthright individuals who have a lot of external factors (good and bad) impacting their relationship.

AA5 was such a great game and full of emotion, but there was a lot to read in between the lines-  Apollo had suffered a personal tragedy in losing Clay, and his introduction as an attorney had been fraught with betrayal and a lot of fighting against the odds, then he nearly has to accuse Athena for Clay’s murder...and it was just a lot for him.  

As for Klavier, the year prior had left him with the truth that he’d been used and betrayed by his brother and his best friend...and then as he’s picking the pieces of his life together, transitioning from the rocker life that was his way of life/protection from Kristoph for 7 years, his mentor is murdered.  Klavier is a genius prosecutor, he most likely advanced early through Themis, changed his career path, graduated, got his badge, and then his debut is just a mess.  Apollo brought him back to the courts but Klavier, it seemed at least to me in DD, was still trying to figure out where he fit in.  

Constance Court’s impact on Klavier is a big part of Heard Your Heart Beating and will be explored in later chapters.

But yeah I liked the idea of these two coming together organically- they’re both highly empathetic people, so there is common ground there.  Klavier knows that Apollo has seen the Kristoph that Klavier once knew and admired. It’s easy to paint Kristoph as a monster, but when you look at how Apollo and Klavier speak of him (before the murders obvs) you can tell that all they both wanted was to make Kristoph proud.  And I also wanted to explore those human moments with Kristoph too.  Yes, he’s an asshole- but he was someone that Apollo and Klavier looked up to.  So that betrayal and grief is something they can both share, and while Daryan is still alive, Klavier’s friendship with him died metaphorically. But the hurt and pain of not having that friendship, not having that person you love platonically in your life for the rest of your life- is a death unto itself not unlike Apollo’s pain and grief over losing Clay. 

They strike me as two people who are just looking for safety, and they both recognize (Klavier more quickly than Apollo, although I feel it’s subconscious on Apollo’s part) that they can have that safety with each other.   This theme is reflected in the title.  It’s from the song “Cosmic Love” by Florence + The Machine.

“Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too So I stayed in the darkness with you “

When I heard this song while writing the opening drafts of this story, I felt that this song summed up Apollo and Klavier in this story-  they’re both in personal darkness that no one else seems to understand, but when they recognize that the other is in that same darkness- they reach out, even if it means remaining in that grief and sadness, there is comfort in knowing that you’re understood and not alone.

Oof that was a tangent hahaha.

The Valentine’s Day scene was one of my favorite scenes to write. It comes from such a personal moment between the comfort I’ve found with my own friends during a time where I was trying to get my footing in life.  Also, not to side note again, but this fic is actually pretty personal- I’ve never really put my own personal experiences or feelings into a story to the extent that I have in this fic. The opening chapter was written during a time when I thought I was losing my best friend- I had commiserated a lot with Apollo while playing DD- I cried while writing it and I still cry when I read it because it is so intrinsically tied to that time of grief and a feeling that the universe was taking my friend away from me.

So the Valentine’s Day scene was meant to be a scene of comfort and banter- two friends, just hanging out together rather than being alone on “Singles Awareness Day”.  I love that everyone had an expectation of where I was going with that scene.  Especially when alcohol was introduced and then it ended up with them being in Apollo’s bed XD.  It amuses me that their first time ever sharing a bed together would be under the most platonic of circumstances XD.

Anyway, thank you so much anon for the lovely comment- it definitely made my day and made me look over my drafts for this story :)  Maybe an update will come soon!

Have a good day!

[mimirue]

2020 Blog Recap

I saw @desira-sims make a post recapping the events on their blog for 2020 and I thought I’d steal the idea

Everyone knows 2020 has been a crazy year and for me it was no exception. I started working from home in March and I’m still working from home now. I got shingles and that was a painful process of recovery lol. And then after many things pushing it back I started streaming on twitch and hit affiliate which has been such a great experience and feels like such a fit.

Posting in tumblr has been a definite constant throughout 2020. It’s been mostly Markus’ BC and gens 5 and 6 of my not so berry but I’ve loved every second of it.

Be sure to let me know if I included any of your favorite moments or even if i\I missed yours!

January

A Muse for Markus: I started out Markus’ search for love with the thing he’s loved most in the world. It was finally time for him to find the person he loved just as much as music. Markus’ BC has by far been my favorite thing I’ve ever done in the sims and I definitely look forward to doing another BC in the future.

February

Solo dates: We started out the competition with solo dates and there were three girls who had quick leads for Markus’ and my own hearts. They all made it to the final half of the competition so obviously the initial connection meant something. From a storytelling perspective it was challenging to try to think up 12 unique dates for the girls and I learned quickly that this struggle wasn’t going to go away any time soon.

March

The first rose ceremony: *sigh* ...I took a 2 week break before actually writing this scene. I didn’t think it would actually be so hard to let someone go home but hell it really was. I don't think this was made any easier by the fact that the first girl to go home was that of one of my best friends or that it kinda came as a surprise to me literally at the end of the pre-ceremony party when I totaled up their relationship scores. I would soon learn that each elimination really does get easier.

April

The first kiss: I have so many feelings about the Angie X Markus pairing lol. I love Angie so much but I hated how her in game actions made me have to write her (I actually wrote her so much nicer than she was in game lol). Markus was OBSESSED with her for the first half of the competition and I almost felt bad for the other ladies. He viewed her through rose-tinted glasses and she could do no wrong...until she could. For some reason living an entire season (on the longest setting) together was not enough for Angie to stop feeling tense around the other girls and eventually she started taking that out on Markus. All of that being said I put so much love and care into the first of many kisses for these two and also of the competition.

May

Nadia Nadia Nadia: The early favorite to win, the first tears, and the only one to let it be known that she was upset at Markus at the end. I thought she wouldn’t actually fall in love with Markus when this thing started but by the time it was time for her to go you could just tell from in-game actions that she was way more in love with him than he was with her and that was a bit heartbreaking. This screenshot might still be my favorite screenshot ever taken. And I love that Nadia left the show just how she entered it, a fucking queen.

June

The Finale:

(Don’t tell me you expect me to pick one photo from this emotional rollercoaster of a post)

Six months is how long it took me to write this sims story and while I still stand by what I said at the start that I’m not a good writer by any means I learned a lot about writing over those six months. I learned that I CAN write if I want to, I learned that it’s okay if it takes a while to get to the end, I learned that the journey is just as important for you as it is for your readers. And most importantly to me I learned that I want to be that person who writes those cliché stories with the plots you’ve seen a million times because that’s exactly what I like to read and it’s so important that you look back and love what you put so much of yourself into creating. 

Now to these two hotties: Simnosa is no stranger to the fact that I didn’t feel much of a connection to Lorena at first (I tease her about it endlessly). It seems appropriate that Markus was the same as it allowed me to fall in love with them at the same pace that they fell in love with each other. At the very last minute I decided to make the winner a mystery till the second to last post and to have Markus get Lorena back for all the teasing and pranks she had thrown his way. I knew if I made it look like there was no winner I would never be able to pull that off again so it was quite literally now or never and I quite liked the result even if not every reader was the biggest fan of it haha. I love these two and I promise I have more planned for them once ya girl gets the time.

July

Nsb Plum: By the time I was done with the BC I was missing the Berry family something fierce so it was so refreshing to get back to something a little less story focused. 

For some reason I didn’t realize that gen 5 of the Not so Berry challenge would end up so story heavy. I never really wanted to write fighting scenes before but I also wanted to showcase that their divorce was technically neither of their faults individually. Indi was a work-a-holic because he somehow felt he had to be this super successful person in an “important” career just like his family before him and he felt that Clem didn’t understand that. While Clem left without telling him that she was pregnant and then only telling him about his daughter after he had shown signs of growing up (here’s a secret: she needed to do some growing up as well). It was like watching my children grow into adults even if they weren’t necessarily the more fair of parents.

August

Aspirations: I wrote and started posting my first sims challenge. It seems quite fitting that my sim for this challenge was Emilee as she was the reason I first started posting anything on tumblr and she and Sutter were also the only reason I ended up writing my first sims story. It was time I wrapped up their story so we can move on to that of others ~in her family~. It was so nice for me to tell a story that spanned a few years of their lives with no dialogue. I really liked this style and I’ll most definitely adopt it again in the future.

September

Nsb Orange: Back when Ginger wasn’t 90% chaos and she was at least 40% naïve. I’m always excited to move on to the next heir but Ginger had me more excited than normal.

October

October Photo Challenge:  This was a fun one, it was a nice way to give some love to the characters that I’m playing next as a bit of a preview. I also think the photos turned out pretty snazzy. 

November

Next gen: The twins are so freaking cute as both toddlers and children. What I never expected (and kinda planned against) was for them to get along or for Ginger to be such a good parent. I wanted Ian to be a bit of a loner but the two best ladies in his life love to shower him with too much love and care for him to have too much time alone.

December

End of Orange gen: I had so much fun with her story. Ginger might not be my only polyamorous sim but she’s the first one really showcased on my tumblr. I covered a lot of borderline controversial topics and it seemed like you all enjoyed it, for which I’m grateful. Gen 6 is the first generation where there are no rules on your spouse so I knew I didn’t want her to get married. But that didn’t mean I wanted her to be single. 

--------------------------

Thank you all to all of you who followed and read my dumb little blog during 2020. 

And a huge thank you to all the people who made sims for me! My blog and stories would not be the same without your creative geniuses being added to the mix as well!

[amphtaminedreams]

Paris Haute Couture Week S/S 2020 Plus a Little Jacquemus: Okay, Dior DID Suck (Part 2/2)

Hi to anyone reading,

First of all, thank you! I have never had a post do as well as the part 1 of my haute couture week review did and I am so overwhelmed with the positive feedback. This is probably funny to read for those of you getting thousands of reblogs on your posts, me acting like I won an academy award because I got a couple of hundred, but honestly I don’t expect any traction when I write on here (it’s basically just me word vomiting everything I’m thinking as if people want to hear it aka. mouthing off into what I thought was the void) so if you did read it, thank you! I do spend a long-ass time on these so it means a lot:-)

I’ll leave the self-indulgent ramble there though as it’s probably not what you came for and jump straight into part 2 of my thoughts, starting with Jacquemus. Yeah, I knew what I was doing when I tagged that in my last post. Simon Porte Jacquemus is the man of the *fashion* people right now; I’ve even found myself coming round to the Le Chiquito bag despite my original thought being “well, that’s fucking useless”. I know, I know, technically it’s not haute couture; it was part of Men’s Fashion Week, but it happened around the same time and everyone was talking about it on Twitter, so I feel like I have to include it.

In a way, it kind of reminds me of Bottega Veneta’s last RTW show, in that, especially with the women’s outfits, we seem to be sticking with simple, fitted garments and chunky, more statement jewellery. I’ve got to say I like the styling here a lot more though, and in general I’m a fan of this collection. The collared tops with cut outs underneath blazers are cool and I can’t wait until it gets warm enough for me to not feel dumb wearing my headscarfs like this; there’s a LOT of summer outfit inspiration. It’s not a mind-blowing collection or anything but it is effortlessly sexy and that’s something I wish I could say about myself. Most of us can only hope to look half as good as these models do whilst making the effort but at least Jacquemus is aspirational, lol. 

I also fucking adore this colour palette. I’m sick of neutrals literally just meaning brown and white; the navy, sand and muted khaki is a fresh edition to what is usually interpreted as the colours you’d seen worn by Disney’s Riverboat Cruise staff and only Disney’s Riverboat Cruise staff. And I mean, come on-what is more neutral than typical English school carpet blue.

Next for the whole reason I had to make this haute couture week review 2 separate posts: Jean Paul Gaultier’s final show.

In the best way possible, it’s a lot. I don’t even really know where to start, except to say that I guess this is a fitting last show; a celebration of everything campy, messy, weird, performative, and punk is the perfect send off for a brand whose best known perfume of the last few years is called Scandal. More than anything, the final show represented the range of characters and cultures that have influenced JPG throughout his half-a-decade-long career, the lines that supposedly separate what is “masculine” and “feminine”, “old” and “young” and ultimately art and fashion blurred in the most exaggerated way possible. Sure, there are some looks which are individually a bit messy here but the way they were grouped into almost chapter-like segments meant that when you see them all together, they work. Nods to the patterns and structures that recurred from season to season were sprinkled throughout, from sailor stripes to corsets to the expected whirlwinds of colour. I’ll even allow the wellies in that one outfit; if I can get over bucket hats in Peter fucking Pilotto’s last RTW show, I can get over some questionable shoes here. Middle aged fishermen and boys who liked to pose with monster carp in their Tinder pictures as some weird display of masculinity everywhere rejoice.

Now onto a show that I personally found slightly disappointing: Margiela.

I think this one is a bit TOO weird for me. Like if you’re gonna go avant-garde, go all out. Chiffon gimp masks (I don’t know if that’s the intention here but that’s what I’m getting, sorry Maison) are something I’m not particularly fond of and I’ve never been a fan of the Tabi boots in the first place, let alone when they’ve seemingly been blown up to Michelin man style proportions. I didn’t find the show to be a total lost cause-I enjoyed the colour palette and I’ve always liked that contrast stitching detail, plus the bowler hats are interesting-but on the whole considering how much I liked the last RTW show, this is a bit of a let down. 

The looks I included are salvageable but (I feel mean saying this) there were genuinely a lot of pieces that did just resemble bits of fabric draped over each over with no discernible rhyme or reason, so much so that they reminded me of some of the monstrosities I saw at a Drag Race pub quiz this one time where we had 5 mins to make some garms out of loo roll and then have a team member model them for points down a makeshift runway. 

Ralph and Russo was alright. There were a few pieces that I really liked but again, I can’t help but compare this collection to the last, where it felt like the fussy details of bows and sequins and feathers and the Barbie Dreamhouse palette were utilised with a direction in mind. Here, I don’t get that. As ever, the gowns are gorgeous and I’d pay good money just to try one on for five minutes but as an overall collection I’d say there was a lack of higher vision, which is probably the snobbiest sentence I’ve ever written so forgive me.

As for Ronald Van Der Kemp, I could’ve done without including it to be honest, if it weren’t for the few pieces I’m in love with: the velvet cape, fur trimmed jacket and blue satin dress are probably my favourite pieces here.

So onto a collection I liked a lot more: Schiaparelli. 

The influence of nature from flowers in bloom to insects to the organic structure of the human skeleton is as present as ever, though this collection includes a lot more delicate symbolism than usual. Honestly, the details make it for me; the brooches, earrings and facial jewellery are other-worldly touches to outfits that could otherwise be simple fashion magazine editor on-the-go. That’s not in itself a bad thing! The suits are gorgeous. I mean, I’m talking fashion editor in New York in a power suit yelling orders down the phone while she rushes along with a coffee. A Miranda Priestley in the making type woman. THAT’S a modern take on the divine feminine that Maria Grazia should’ve been going for; our goddesses aren’t women who sit around looking pretty (though that helps too) and place curses on mere mortals anymore, they’re women who get shit done. 

With regards to Valentino, which was also a delight, let me start by saying this colour palette is EVERYTHING. It’s ugly sisters in Cinderella fantastic, and we know those 2 were the real fashion icons really. Other than that, I adore the Old Hollywood silhouettes from the gloves to the Liz Taylor-in-Cleopatra-level-dramatic earrings. Everything is opulent and expensive-looking and pretty much what we’ve all come to expect from Valentino. A strong 8/10.

For me personally, Viktor and Rolf was a standout and one of my favourite collections of haute couture week. It’s not going to be everyone’s cup of tea and I know it’s at the complete opposite end of the spectrum to what was probably my other favourite collection, Elie Saab, but this is just my style down to a T, the perfect balance of grungy and cutesy that I want to achieve. 

There’s probably going to be a lot of objections to the temporary face tattoos and I get that, but I think they’re fucking sick. I obviously wouldn’t get a permanent one lest my mother murder me in cold blood however if I did, you bet I would be pairing them with frilly-ass babydoll dresses that you could pick up in Camden Market like this. 

And last but not least (that would be Dior), there’s Zuhair Murad.

Sigh.

IDK, man. Seeing Zuhair Murad dresses on Tumblr and WeHeartIt (remember that site? It still exists!) as a 14 year old was one of the things that got me into fashion, so it sucks that almost every time a new collection comes around, I feel underwhelmed. Disappointingly, the brand hasn’t really progressed all that much since 2013. It goes without saying that the stoning and the embroidery and sequins are stunning and would make anyone feel like a princess but from a critical point of view, I’m just not seeing anything new here. Whereas I feel like Elie Saab, for example, reflected the growing fascination with East Asian fashion and recognition of the supremacy of the region’s street style in his haute couture last collection, Zuhair Murad seems to be stuck designing the same dresses he was 6 years ago. 

To pick one example, the rounded stoned necklines are so outdated that they’ve been making their way onto department store prom dresses for years. I get that it’s supposed to be a reference to Ancient Egyptian style and I respect that, I was one of those 8 year old that was obsessed with mummies and the “Curse of Tutankhamun”, but couldn’t it be done in a more interesting way? It’s Maria Grazia’s spin on Ancient Greece all over again. Now I get how how the I imagine very niche subsection of people who are into fashion and Julius Caesar (okay, so I don’t even know if they still believed in mythology and all that malarky at that point in history but just roll with my comparison here) might’ve felt going through Vogue Runway. Anyway, I hate to end on a critical note and so be clear, these are still absolutely magnificent dresses. If we ignore those ugly round necklines, that is.

So that’s it for this post! If you read part 1 and 2, I hope you enjoyed it! As always, let me know your opinions and feel free to disagree. I’m literally just about to start trawling through all the A/W 2020 RTW collections though I imagine that’s gonna take me way longer to do than this, so I wouldn’t expect that for a month or two. In the meantime, I’m trying to fit shooting a Euphoria-inspired lookbook into my days off work which is looking atm like it’s going to be the end of March, so look out for that, and also a review of the red carpet fashion from this season’s award shows. 

As ever, thank you so much for reading and again, thank you for the reception on part 1 if you were one of the people that read it. It makes staying up til 3am with the jitters seem worthwhile, lol! 

Lauren x

[writerapprentice]

Goodbye, My Love (Ethan Ramsey x MC)

Title: Goodbye, My Love. 

Words: 2,029

Book: Open Heart (After the end of book 1)

Characters: Ethan Ramsey x MC

Summary: Dr. Maya Garcia finds out Ethan is leaving for two months.

Hey everyone!! Guess who’s back?! Lol After taking an involuntary break from Tumblr due to work, I couldn’t stop myself from writing this piece after playing chapter 1 from the second book fo Open Heart. Enjoy! 

NOTE: As always, If you decide to give it a try, THANK YOU!! If you liked my writing, I would mean a lot to me if you shared it with others who might be interested. Any constructive criticism, suggestions, and/or comments are more than welcome. I hope you enjoy it :)

Some of the characters portrayed in this story belong to Pixelberry Studios and they are borrowed. I don’t own “Open Heart” or any of the original characters. 

________________________________________________

Everything felt like a dream. The day before, Naveen had appointed you as a junior fellow in the diagnostics team but that left you a little concerned. On one hand, this was all you had worked for these past years. Your dream was finally becoming true. All the sleepless nights spent studying, all the stress, all those years working hard to be the best you can be. It was not only you. You carried the dreams and hopes of generations of your family everywhere you went. After all the sacrifices your parents made for you, you were finally able to say to them “we made it”. But, at what cost? The day before was also the day your heart broke in million pieces after Ethan set boundaries with you. “It makes sense,” you say to yourself as you turn around in your bed. The pillow next to you still smelled like him. “It’s best for both of us to keep a distance.” On the other hand, it is easier to say something than to actually do it. You knew that working directly under his supervision was going to be hell. How could you resist being so close to him and not being able to touch or kiss him?

Today was your free day at work but you wanted to go to the hospital to get some studying done and get used to your new position in the diagnostics team. Deep down you knew the real reason why you were going to the hospital and his name was Ethan Jonah Ramsey. It was very different going to the hospital on a day where you were not going 100 km per hour getting tests done and taking care of your patients. After saying hi to all your coworkers you finally reached the fourth floor and made your way to the office you knew so well. You knock on the door a couple of times and received no response. 

“Excuse me, have you seen Dr. Ramsey?” you ask one of the nurses passing by after standing a few minutes outside. You recognize nurse Kelley. You had interacted with her a few times but you knew she hated you because she was in love with Ethan and she had noticed that he only had a soft spot for you.

“You didn’t hear?” she questioned me. “He’s leaving.”

“What?!” Your face began getting red and you swear you could hear your heart beating. 

”I’m surprised he didn’t mention it to you,” she said with a smile forming in her face, “I thought you two were united.” 

You left her talking alone in the hallway and began running towards the elevator. The hospital suddenly felt asphyxiating and you needed fresh air. How could Ethan leave and not tell you anything? Just the day before you two had talked and agreed to make your relationship extremely professional, you were going to make it work but without telling you anything he decided to run away. The day was really rainy but that didn’t stop you from running outside and standing in the pouring rain calling for a taxi. After arriving at his apartment complex, you called his apartment through the intercom but there was no answer. 

A sweet, old lady opened the door of the building and you took the opportunity to enter. The closer you got to Ethan’s apartment the more indecisive you became. Was this the correct thing to do? Maybe it was the best thing for both of you to spend some time apart to clear your minds and focus on what’s important: your careers. Without realizing it you had reached his door. You stood there for a couple of minutes unable to raise your hand and knock on the door. When you finally turned around and were about to leave someone opened the door. Ethan stood there surprised to see you there. 

“Dr. Garcia?”

You flinched as you heard your last name. Damn it. You were no longer Rookie or Maya, now you were Dr. Garcia.

Once you saw him there standing by his door you were unable to get any words out. He was wearing a part of black jeans and a red long sleeve shirt. You looked past him and saw a luggage bag sitting on the floor right behind him. 

“What are you doing here?” Ethan asked you while looking around outside his door and then looking you up and down he added, “are you hurt?”

Yes, you were hurt but not in that way.

“I heard you were leaving again.” Not so long ago you thought you were losing Ethan forever. He had resigned and distanced himself from everyone when Naveen was dying. This time it was different because you knew it wasn’t forever, but still, a lot of things could change in a couple of months. He could get over you and your relationship or, even worse, fall in love with someone new. 

Ethan held the door open and stepped back letting you come inside. He brushed his hair with one hand while he closed the door and you could tell he was carefully choosing how to answer your question. He finally cleared his throat. “It’s only a couple of months. There’s an outbreak and things are getting pretty rough.”

You walked across his entrance, passing next to his luggage bag, and stopped right in front of his couch. You turned around to face him and tried to say something but no words came out. All you were able to do was stare right at those deep blue eyes hoping that your eyes would transmit to him all your questions.

“A friend who works at a hospital in Rio asked me if I could come and give them a hand with an outbreak they’re unable to control and I couldn’t say no,” he replied when he realized you weren’t going to say anything. Once again you only stood there unable to say anything. Did this man not understand how painful it was for you to be away from him? His forehead became wrinkled with confusion as he tried to decipher the reason why you had come to his apartment. “Your position in the diagnostics team doesn’t start until a couple of months from now, so if you’re worried about how this emergency trip will affect it, then don’t worry because it won’t.” How did this man manage to always make everything about work?

You finally found your voice. “That’s not why I am here,” you replied a little hurt from his implication. 

“Then, why are you here?” he questioned you. You could see his forehead had relaxed a little bit and he was a little relieved after hearing you talk. 

“It’s an outbreak. It is very dangerous.” 

“Have you noticed we both work in a hospital surrounded by hundreds of patients with dozens of different contagious diseases. We’re in danger at work every day.” 

“But, there’s no cure yet. Hundreds of people are dying, Ethan.”

“And that’s precisely the reason why I should go. In case you already forgot, we made a promise when we became doctors to help as many people as we can.”

Sigh. “What will happen to your patients? You can’t leave them just like that, they need you.” I need you.

“They’ll be alright,” he replied as he walked to the closet next to his door and took out his dark leather jacket. “I talked to Dr. Estrada and Dr. Robinson, they’ll take care of them while I’m gone.”

You opened your mouth to make another excuse as to why he should stay but he was faster than you and replied to your inexistent question before you could even say it. 

“Naveen is also okay with it. We talked and he agreed to give me permission to be absent from the hospital for a little bit,” he said with a suspicious tone and narrowing his eyes. “Why are you really here Dr. Garcia?”

You had tried really hard to keep your real intentions hidden but he was always able to see right through you. You hid your face with your hands and fell down sitting on his couch.

“I don’t want you to leave. We finally got over all our problems, my ethics hearing, Naveen’s illness. We are back to working together in the hospital. You can’t leave now. The hospital needs you! I need you!”

You were too afraid to show your emotions that you kept your face hidden. After a brief silence, you felt a pair of warm, rough hands grab your wrists and uncover your face. There he was. Ethan was kneeling right in front of you with a worried look on his face. 

“Maya, please don’t do this.” You could see a fight occurring inside him between what he really wanted and the ethical thing to do. 

“No, Ethan. You’re the one making this unbearable.”

“Do you think I am happy doing this? Do you think I like being away from you? The time I spent away after I resigned was the worst. I wished I could be with you every day! I wished I was able to hug you and make your pain go away but I couldn’t!” His face getting closer to yours after every statement. “Don’t you see how much you mean to me?! I am unable to function correctly if I’m not close to you.”

“But, then why-”

“I keep building walls between us because, unfortunately, we’re not meant to be together.”

A knot formed in your throat. Your eyes began watering and after he let go of your wrists you allowed one of your hands to touch his cheek. Your touch calmed him down.

“If I leave for this work trip, it will be better for both of us in the future since we will have to work together every day. Our patients come first and it is time we both understand that.” 

A small tear began to drop down his right cheek. Involuntarily, you got closer and kissed the path his tear had left on his cheek. Your faces were a few inches away. You could feel his warmth. The smell his cologne as too familiar. You could see the walls he had mentioned just seconds before tumble down between both of you. In a compulsive move, he grabbed your face and kissed you. You could feel all your emotions burning our skin. There was a sense of familiarity in the way your lips met, the way one of his hands held your cheek and the other one traveled down to your waist pulling you closer. You grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him closer to you. You ran your hands through his brown wavy hair, his beard, and down his chest. The kiss grew deeper and more passionate. You could feel your heart beating so hard that you thought it was going to burst out of your chest. His breath was intoxicating. He began pushing you back on the couch, positioning himself on top of you when the intercom system rang. Both of you stopped breathless. He broke the kiss and stood up quickly to release you. The intercom system rang again. 

“I called a taxi,” Ethan replied trying to catch his breath and fix his composture while he walked towards his luggage. “I’m sorry, its time for me to go.”

Everything had happened so fast. It hurt a lot to see him go, but you remembered his speech about your dedication to your patients. Your brain understood where this decision came from, but your heart still declined to accept it. Without saying anything you stood up from the couch and walked towards the door passing next to him. You grabbed his hand and squeezed it. Then, you gave him one final small kiss on the lips. 

“Goodbye, my love.” 

“Goodbye, Rookie.”

And you finally let your hand drop to your side and walked through his door. As soon as you put one foot outside his apartment, you knew the next two months without him were going to be hell.

TAGS: @togetherwearerapture  @perriewinklenerdie @msjpuddleduck  @paulfwesley @isabella-choices  @x-kyne-x  @dr-brianna-casey-valentine  @jooous  

[herenya-writes]

Was tagged by @forgotten-envies for this tag game. Warning, it’s a long one.

your name and then what you would have named yourself: Name’s Jessi (short for Jessica). I think I would have named myself after a tree or plant. Like Aspen or something. I really like tree names.

astrological sign (sun/moon/rising if you know them): I’m a Virgo. That’s all I know lol. I’ve never really identified with it much—I’m just not a nice/gentle enough person for it.

when did you join tumblr and why?: I joined a little over a year ago because I wanted to get involved with the Star Trek fandom. I started writing fanfic for Star Trek pretty soon after I watched TOS, and I wanted a platform to interact with other fic writers and my readers.

top 5 fandoms: Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, Stormlight Archives, Star Wars, and the Witcher.

top 5 favorite films: Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The Voyage Home, Pride and Prejudice, The Princess Bride, and Phantom of the Opera

go to song when you wanna Feel something: “Hold On” by Chord Overstreet

what’s your religion or faith if you have one?: Good question!

a song that makes you feel seen: “She Used To Be Mine” by Sara Bareilles

if you could have any career: Any career? Something in space for sure, especially if it involved discovery of distant planets or functioning as some kind of ambassador to aliens. More realistically, a professor of English and Literature somewhere, with an emphasis on how science fiction reflects humanity.

do you have a type?: I want to say no, but I bet I do. I mean, I’m demi, so it’s more of a personality thing with me, but it varies from person to person. People who give good hugs/cuddles are high on the metaphorical list though!

what does your heart/soul yearn for: To be remembered when I’m gone. I want my name—or at least my deeds—to be spoken of in generations. I want to do something meaningful with my life.

if you had to describe yourself in 5 words to someone who doesn’t know you: sarcastic, writer, observant, nerdy, passionate (wow that sounds really lame idk man)

favorite subjects in school: English by far, although I also enjoy history (specifically World History) and Physics.

where does your soul feel most at home: Curled up on the couch surrounded by my family with a fire going. We don’t have to be talking. just existing in the same space in comfort and love is enough.

top 5 fictional characters: Kaladin Stormblessed, Spock, Aragorn, Obi-Wan, and Elizabeth Bennet. (That is a very male-dominated list, which I have some thoughts about, but I’m not gonna derail this post.)

top 3 moments in a show that made you ugly cry: Hmm. I don’t cry very much...I cried when Spock died in The Wrath of Khan, I might have cried when the Fellowship parted ways in The Return of the King, and I definitely cried at some point while watching the Clone Wars, although I can’t pin down a specific moment.

the earth, the sun, the moon or the stars: The Stars.

favorite kind of weather: Thunderstorms with heavy rain and plenty of lightning.

top 3 characters you kin with: Idk. Spock, I guess. Annabeth Chase (more when I was younger, but yeah), and Mr. Darcy maybe?

favorite medium of art: Books. Although I really like traditional paintings that utilize a lot of different textures.

introvert/extrovert/ambivert: Introvert.

a favorite literary quote: You want me to just choose one??? I don’t think I can do that... How about “The purpose of a storyteller is not to tell you what to think but to give you something to think upon” from The Way of Kings (I think) by Brandon Sanderson

some of your favorite books: Mistborn, The Way of Kings, and the Alloy of Law all by Brandon Sanderson; Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen; The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde; and The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald.

if you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?: Somewhere with a forest where the leaves change color in the fall and there’s a mountain nearby. Not in the city, but not too far either. 

if you could live in any time in history when would it be?: Probably the Renaissance, which is likely a basic answer.

if you could play any instrument masterfully it would be: Well, I play the clarinet moderately well, but I would love to be able to play the cello masterfully.

if you have one, what mythological god or goddess do you feel a connection to: Hmmm. Once upon a time I would have answered Athena without hesitation, and I suppose that’s still somewhat true, but I’m not sure.

and lastly, favorite recent selfie in your camera roll: 

The screen protector in front of my selfie camera is broken, which is why there’s that weird lighting lol

[ameerashourdraws]

Ashour Blog #1 (12 Dec 2020) Operation: Revive the Corrupted Comic Page

So, this is gonna be my first time doing these things. I'm gonna make some blogs here on Tumblr every now and then on somethings I think are worth talking about for some fun. It could be a drawing or a challenge or something about myself I'd share for fun.

I'm also doing this on Tumblr because it's the only place I think it's more suitable to make blogs like these, which I may discuss someday.

I won't be doing this on a daily basis, as not everything's worth talking about, and also I have other things to focus on like studying, so I'm gonna be doing these things if I have the energy to do so.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy my first Ashour Blog!

~~~~~~

Today, I did something I have never imagined I'd do one day in my career as a digital artist. So, I was working on a page for a Sonic comic I'm making with one of my friends, the 1st page of the 3rd Chapter of "Sonic X: Christmas Special". I drafted the whole entire thing, inked it, and colored both Tails and our rebooted version of Cosmo.

And then THIS, happened:

The canvas all of the sudden went pitch-black, and all of my progress was lost. It wasn't my fault, since I haven't done anything but apply a filter to a layer. But it was more or less the program's fault, Infinite Painter on Android (sideloaded, yes i use android, and i'm not a fan of ios). The app itself was unstable and there were weird things you could encounter from one time to another, and it could lag like insane depending on your device, even on the Samsung Tab S6 (which i don’t have, but seen footage of it) it was a bit laggy.

Now keep in mind that I was using a Samsung Note 5 with Android 6, so… it is a teeny bit outdated, but I kept it, because it was still usable.

Anyway, I didn't want to delay the page any further because I started on that page like a week ago by the time I'm writing this, so I didn't want to be late with it. And I only had these two to work with:

The original image I originally made with Medibang Paint:

And this screenshot I sent to my friend:

My plan was to merge the two together and continue from where I left off, rather than starting all over from the beginning.

I can't do that on Infinite Painter because of how unstable it is (i deleted it after the incident), and I could use Medibang, but it's sorta limited for what I want to do. So, I  had no other choice, but to switch to my main drawing program, Krita on Windows, to complete it, as it's like Photoshop, but free and better. And in case you're wondering, yes, I do often switch between my laptop and my phone depending on my mood.

So, I opened up Krita, and imported the only two pictures I had. I had to reposition everything to make everything fit, and remove some of the extra stuff, like Infinite Painter’s UI, and the extra colors I didn’t need. All I needed was the colors of Tails’ workshop from Sonic Adventure.

Now, I know that this sounds like a lot of work, but I got everything done! Alright, not everything, as I had to get rid of those white spaces that kinda made the image look like I extracted the image from a JPEG file. So I had to remove them by painting over them.

And voila! I’ve done the thing! And I even shaded it, too!

It’s then I finished the page till I decided… “Yeah, I’m getting tired right now”. So that’s where I stopped.

And, if there’s anything I’ve learned from all of this, then it’s to choose your tools wisely; you may find a tool you absolutely like for the things it can do, but it could contain a major flaw that would ruin the experience, and Infinite Painter for Android is one of them. I’m not sure if the iOS/iPadOS version is more stable than the Android version, so if it is, then.. I’m a bit jealous lol

It’s a good thing I have Krita, a much more stable program

Anyway, that’s the end of my blog! This is my first time doing these things, so if you have any suggestions what the next one would be, then I’m open for suggestions, and advice!

See you next time, and have a great day!

[jeannereames]

A lot of people on here joke about Alexander being “crazy” or “insane”, and I know some people hold the belief that he was an insane monster (I even saw an article titled “Alexander the Monster” which basically made Alexander out to be worse than the devil lol). I was just wondering what you think regarding Alexander’s mentality/sanity and why do you think some people believe that he was this crazy psychopath. Btw, I just finished reading Becoming and I loved it!!!!

First, thank you! I’m glad you liked the novel! Now, on to the question…

When people talk about “crazy” Alexander, it usually falls into two different categories. One subset is that Alexander went crazy with grief after Hephaistion died; I’ve argued against this elsewhere, so won’t again here in any detail.

Another subset claims he became megalomaniacal, pointing for proof to his “Persianizing,” including an attempt to introduce proskynesis (the bow before the Persian Great King that Greeks viewed as due only to gods), his desire to be deified, and a penchant for dressing up as various gods (Dionysos, Herakles, and even Artemis).

That tendency isn’t just on Tumblr; similar accusations are made in academia under the maxim that, “Absolute power corrupts absolutely.” (Lord Baron Acton)

Yet that’s the cynical take. I think how one views the world (and human nature) has something to do with how one interprets Alexander’s behavior. We must recall that Alexander lived in a society where kingship was seen as divinely bestowed, and carried with it certain religious obligations with regard to one’s subjects.

Remember, not just anybody could be king of Macedon; one had to be an ARGEAD: e.g., from a specific family (gens). They were descendants of Herakles, and so of divine descent. This is different from the Successors who followed. Alexander was raised as a prince; Ptolemy, Antigonos, or Seleukos were not. The importance of these heroic ties can be found in the stories that popped up later, making Ptolemy a bastard of Philip (and thus an Argead), or the later Seleucid claim of descent from Apollo. And we know the Molossian royal house claimed descent from Achilles.

Again, not just anybody can be a king. One has to be special by ancestry.

Being born to the purple doesn’t necessarily make one any less of a dick. We’ve plenty of evidence to the contrary. (Demetrios Poliorketes? Pyrrhos? Antigonos IV Epiphanes?) But it does instill a different awareness of one’s place in the world.

Modern cynicism forgets just how seriously ancient people took religion. On his deathbed, among the last actions Alexander forced himself to perform until he literally couldn’t get up, were morning sacrifices to the ancestors and gods, on behalf of the Macedonian people. I think that says a lot not only about his own religiosity, but his sense of himself as a conduit between his people and the gods. The proper performance of religious rites were central, not just to his success, but to the survival of Macedonia. In our modern world, it can be hard to connect to this somewhat archaic notion.

In addition, the stories of him visiting hospital tents after battle, personally writing letters to his officers, talking and joking with his soldiers, marching with them, eating what they ate, and dressing as they dressed, all point to somebody who understands the principles of leadership, as opposed to just bossing people around. Some have argued that he lost that as time went on, but he was still out marching with them in Gedrosia (despite a collapsed or partially collapsed lung), so I’d argue he did not. The helmet incident (where he poured out precious water brought to him, because the rest of his men didn’t have any) is an exemplar of his continued understanding of what solidarity meant. It may have been as calculated as hell, but that’s not the act of a madman or megalomaniac. Also, just because it was calculated doesn’t mean it wasn’t genuinely meant. He was trying to keep his men alive, not let them give up.

Did Alexander, over time, turn into an arrogant little shit? Almost certainly, given his mind-boggling achievements, and the fact the Greeks never touted humility as a virtue. But I don’t believe he was a narcissist or had taken leave of reality. Such characterizations are simplistic, played for pop approval and laughs, or because it’s too much effort to look under the surface.

I do think he was struggling desperately to figure out how to govern such a vast, international empire, and not in some Tarn-esque “Brotherhood of Mankind” way. He never (personally) lost a battle, but uniting Eastern and Western ways of rule was a puzzle he never solved. THAT was his great failure. F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote, “Show me a hero and I’ll write you a tragedy.” And that’s where Dancing with the Lion will eventually head. Alexander’s story is, ultimately, not a triumph, but not because he was crazy or a Macedonian Hitler.

I’d also point out that people who oversimplify Alexander as either a demon or demented, are buying, hook, line and sinker, the moral narratives of the ancient authors, especially of Plutarch, Curtius, and Justin, but also Arrian and Diodoros. These are not neutral accounts. We must be careful of their biases.

All that said, I don’t want to excuse Alexander’s war crimes (and I don’t know what else you’d call some of what he did). But even those were not the actions of a “crazy” man. They were brutal, but considered (which may be worse).

Razing Thebes sent a message of what happens when a city foreswears an alliance multiple times. Rounding up and killing Greek mercenaries after Granikos sent a message to others serving under Darius (an attempt to peel off some of Darius’s more dangerous support troops). Razing Tyre (and Gaza) sent a message about what happens when resistance defies certain “rules of war” (Tyre’s treatment of the heralds). The burning of Persepolis was not a drunken frat party gone wrong; it was a political statement. Note ALL moveable wealth was gone and it happened just before they left, plus it destroyed the place where Persian kings were crowned, preventing one from emerging in Alexander’s wake. (Not that Bessus cared, nor Spitamenes after him). Philotas fell victim to a real conspiracy (even if he wasn’t part of it), not a CIA file (contra Badian), and the Proskynesis Affair was an attempt to regularize court procedure not institute worship of Alexander. The murder of Kleitos was, indeed, a drunken brawl, with no good excuse, but was followed by (I think) genuine remorse, even if he accepted the forgiveness of the troops because he needed to.

Even the choice to enter Gedrosia wasn’t the decision of a madman, but of one whose logistics were legendary for working…except when they didn’t, because of an uprising and monsoon behind them that was unplanned for. It was a FUBAH, not a foolish choice. He was looking for a trade route linking India and Mesopotamia. Notions that he just wanted to one-up Cyrus and Semiramis misses the point.

The so-called request to the Greek states for deification is problematic as to just what he asked, versus what was later said (remember, we’re hearing about it from Athenian demagogues who hated him). The claim to be the son of a god was not megalomania or a shot at divinity, but an affirmation of hero status; being the son of a god didn’t necessarily mean one was immortal one’s self. As for precedent, his own father had put a statue of himself alongside the 12 in his final parade, plus there’s a heroōn (hero shrine) built above Royal Tomb I at Vergina. That’s either Philip buried there (my own personal opinion), or his father Amyntas III. The Spartan general, Brasidas, received hero cult from Amphipolis after his death, but Lysander accepted it from the Samians will still alive.

Alexander outstripped every one of these by no small measure, and seen in context, his claim to be a son of Zeus-Ammon is not some bizarre, out-of-left-field assertion. If Lysander was a hero, and his father Philip, then what did that make Alexander? And the inflated “Final Plans” were about 50% invented by Perdikkas to get the army to vote them down.

Alexander did terrible things and we need to let those terrible things stand—call them out and recognize them. Yet when I look at his behavior, even in his latter years, I just don’t see the horrific corruption of, say, the Trump administration, or of Vladimir Putin’s Russia, or Xi’s China. At some level, I think Alexander still saw himself, and struggled to be, a “Philosopher King.” He just didn’t know what that meant anymore.

I think, by the end, he was lost. Macedonian kings were expected to win wars and provide loot. Alexander did that to a degree no Macedonian monarch had ever before achieved. He was the Energizer Bunny of Macedonian kings. His own men (and culture) had created a monster. No wonder he felt betrayed by their “indiscipline” on the banks of the Hyphasis. “But I gave you even more than you ever dreamed of!”

Indeed, he did. That was the problem. They made him turn around. When his army “defeated” him, he wasn’t sure who he was any more, or what he was doing. I see a lot of his career after as a scramble to re-define himself. He’d conquered all this territory at a relatively young age. Now what was he supposed to do with it?  Ruling is a lot less glamorous than conquering.

He’s perhaps the greatest military mind who’s ever lived (tied with Subutai, Genghis Khan’s general). He was also an exceptionally inspirational leader. But that “ruling schtick”? It got in the way. Appointing Hephaistion chiliarch was among his smarter decisions, even if Hephaistion died on him too soon. It was tacit recognition that he needed help. I’ve joked that Hephaistion’s appointment amounted to, “Here, you figure out how to make this whole thing work; I want to go conquer more stuff.”

Once he lost Hephaistion, he became a boat without a rudder. But as noted, his mourning was not beyond the pale. The only difference is that he had the money (and authority) to impose his wishes. As a former bereavement counselor, I wrote an article called “The Mourning of Alexander the Great” that deep-sixes misconceptions about mourning and Alexander’s behavior.

Was he “crazy”? No. Was he the devil? I’m sure the countries he invaded thought so. Was he a megalomaniac? Almost certainly not. Was he an arrogant asshole (especially when he’d been drinking)? Almost certainly so. But his arrogance sprang from an odd mix of massive, early success mixed with deep insecurity spawned by his upbringing.

I find him fascinating precisely because he’s not a simple read. He’s not Donald Trump. He’s not Adolf Hitler. He’s not even Caesar, or Napoleon. He’s intensely complex, which is, I think, the source of his continued fascination.

I’d advise those who read about him to allow for that complexity. Avoid simplistic readings, even while not white-washing the really ugly side of his career.