#I have some other samples that came in that I think y'all will like that I'll post soon! >:3

[autisticgayplushie]

mango the queer pride puppy!!! :D

[sweets4dolls]

if you do alastor smut, could you whip something up with bunny girl reader, like imagine reader went to the hazbin hotel instead of val for work ~🍖

𝒷𝓊𝓃𝓃𝓎 𝒻𝓁𝑒𝓈𝒽

pairing: alastor + bunny!f!reader

content warnings: smut, blood, mentions of religion, consuming of blood, kinda prey/predator relationship??, dubious consent, not proofread

notes: yayayayayyy alastor! :] ps y'all should most definitely try coke w cherry syrup next time you go out its sooooo gooddddd.

you were lost on the streets, wandering around and sniffling, up until charlie found you and brought you to her hotel, thinking that you would be a perfect fit after seeing your cute and pure soul all lost, looking like a bunny no less.

it didn't take long for you to catch Alastor's attention either - after all, it wasn't like the hotel was receiving people by the masses. so when you came in, cheeks puffed and lips chewed into a raw shade after having cried so much after having lost your way, and you were guided to the bar expected to order some type of alcohol, you didn't - you ordered a coke with cherry syrup.

from that moment alastor had watched husk put the ice into the cup, pour in the coke, and add the cherry syrup, he had kept a watchful eye on you as you played Charlie's games and bonded with the other people at the hotel throughout the day, ultimately pushing him to decide to invite you to dinner.

later into the night, you wandered into the elevator and walked into alastor's room, eyes wide as they wandered around, admiring the scenery and decor.

"sit down, my dear!" he exclaims with his consistent smile as he gestures to the empty seat across from him, watching you as you plop yourself down into it and look at the spread of desserts and meats he had arranged.

"sweets for someone as sweet as you!" he laughs with a radio cackle flowing through his transatlantic accented voice, "why, I wasn't sure if someone as delicate as you could handle something as heavy as raw meat."

"oh, thank you alastor!" you say as smile at him sweetly and your hands move to pick up a bottle of coke - of course. of course that was the thing your weak little wrist would pick up in that adorably meretricious fashion of yours, even before you bothered to peel off your sweater and place it on the back of the chair.

as the night moved on, alastor had you telling him all about your little life back on earth, how pious you had been, how dedicated you had been to the faith, how you just didn't know how you'd ended up here. the more comfortable you got, the more relaxed your posture became and the more you seemed to go on in tangents - not that alastor minded, you were very good entertainment.

"dear, before the night is over, I do want you to do one thing for me," he says, figure now leaning towards you across the table as you nod your head. "mhm, anything," just what he wanted to hear. "it just so happens that I've never had bunny flesh before - would you be so kind as to let me try some?"

your big eyes grow even wider as you hear this, before stuttering out, "oh, you want it to pass me to you? where is it?" nervously before alastor shakes his head, making his way over to you and placing a claw on your shoulder, "no my dear, I meant your flesh" he says, staring down at you like you were prey, "don't fret, I won't take a bite out of you or anything of the sort, ha, no!" he laughs out, "I would just like to sample the goods, if you will."

not wanting to seem rude, you nodded your head yes nervously , ears flopping about as you did - after he fed you dinner, it was the least that you could do, right?

"good girl" he says before placing a hand against your chest, holding you in place as he lowered his head down to the area between you shoulder and neck and pricked your skin open with his teeth, making you yelp as he did, tepid tears glossing your cheeks. as he licked at the wound, a warm claw came up to your cheek, cupping it as a thumb swiped at the tears.

he pulls back, licking smeared blood from his lips as he smiles at you, admiring the way your ears trembled and tail twitched. "would you like a taste?"

just as you part your lips to answer, his mouth finds yours, long tongue licking into your open one. you gasp lightly, making him chuckle as he leans towards you and gently pushes you from the seat to the ground so he can climb on top of you, removing his jacket as he does so.

blushing, you breathe heavily, your little head filled with anticipation and panties full of slick as he crawls on top of you, ripping your panties straight off. "don't worry darling, I just want a taste," he says gently kisses down your neck, lightly nipping and drawing blood as he does.

your body shudders as Alastor's mouth finds your clit, tongue tracing it lightly just before he pushes his fingers into your tight little hole, making you gasp. your hands scrape at the grass, getting dirt under your nails and on your arms as alastor continues to fuck you on his tongue and fingers.

"w-wait, alastor, I'm gonna-" he cuts you off mumbling from beneath your cunt, "I know darling," he states as his lips latch around your clit and suck, knowing just what you need as it sends your thighs shaking and tail twitching as you cum.

"you taste just as sweet as I expect," he says, grinning at you as he licks his fingers before giving you another open-mouthed kiss.

just as you catch your breathe, alastor is hiking your legs over his shoulders and undoing his pants as he presses fleeting kisses over his bite marks, distracting you until he starts rubbing the head of his cock over your sticky slit, slowly pushing it in.

you whimper as alastor coos in your ear, "I know, I know bunny," your eyes roll as he finally starts thrusting, hands in yours. his jaw clenches as you flutter around him, feeling every vein in his cock, making his hips speed up.

still sensitive from just cumming, you squirm beneath him as he hits it hard, getting the sweet spot inside you with each thrust. he ruts into you harshly, bruising your cervix as one of his hands massages your swollen clit.

sensing you getting close, he speeds up his movements until you're releasing on his cock, fucking you gently through your orgasm, cumming inside you a few moments later before giving you a soft kiss on your forehead.

"bunny might be my new favorite flavor of flesh"

[javierpena-inatacvest]

Chapter 17- No Ifs, Ands, or Butts

Summary: You and Javi are continuing to make progress on building your new house, until a few distractions are thrown your way that you definitely weren't expecting.

Word Count: 12.3K (how bad is it that I'm like, wow! What an average length for a chapter! Well done, me!)

Warnings: SMUT (18+), HELLO, STRAP IN EVERYONE. unprotected p in v sex (wrap it up irl pls), romantic? ANAL (you guys, I'm sweating), vaginal fingering, anal fingering, oral (f receiving), rimjob (f receiving), creampie, praise kink, breeding kink, insecurity but Javi being our consent KING and literally taking such good care of you (but would we expect anything less?!), Javi with dogs (hehehehe), everyone say thank you to our favorite village idiots Carter and Miller for helping out Javi and Osita (you'll see!!)

A/N: If there are two words to sum up the plot of this chapter, it is butts and dogs (if you watch Bluey, yes, the puppy is named after Muffin LMAO) 💀 I am so sorry this chapter took FOREVER, 1) Life has been crazy busy (parent teacher conferences sucked the life out of me for like a full week), and 2) I would be lying if I said I was not shakin' in my boots to post this bc I have never written legit butt stuff smut (say that 3 times fast) before and I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, so if you don't wanna read this chapter/skip the smut I will not be offended at all!! Also for my non-American friends, Home Depot is like a giant hardware store (that also sells hot dogs that absolutely slap) Okay, that's all, love y'all more than words, forehead kisses for all of you!! 😙 also please laugh at the name of this chapter I thought it was funny as hell, I'm crackin myself up

Series Masterlist Next Chapter Previous Chapter

“Okay, we have paint samples, countertop samples, carpet samples, sheets of drywall, toilets that are ordered can come get picked up on Tuesday, and we can let Danny know they finally have those screws he’s been looking for back in stock. That’s everything, right? Please say that’s everything.” You sighed, going over your home project to-do list for what felt like the 47th time before exiting out of Home Depot for what also felt like the 147th time this week. 

What had started as a plot of land and and a head full of ideas was slowly but surely becoming reality as progress on your new home came to fruition- as winter faded into spring, your house began to grow and change with the seasons, bare bones wooden beams and dirt of a few months ago now becoming walls, floors and roofs of the new place you’d spend forever in. While it was exciting to move into the stages of actually deciding what the inside of your home should look like (not just shape and size), it felt like you and Javi had been making a million and one decisions every day related to something to do with the house, and unfortunately, this Sunday night was no exception. 

“No, I think that’s everything.” Javi nodded, scanning over the wrinkled piece of paper in his hands once more. 

“We might as well just start changing our permanent address to this Home Depot. I’m pretty sure the employees are convinced we live here at this point.” You laughed, resting one hand on your hip, the other full of the sample swatches you and Javi needed to look at when you got home. “You sure that’s everything? Honestly, even if it’s not, let’s face it, we’ll be here some point later this week anyways. At least now it’s getting to the fun stuff- Paint and floors is a lot more fun than plumbing and electrical.” 

“I know. We’re almost there, Osita. Danny said 8 to 10 more weeks last time I talked to him.” 

“Over/under on how many more trips we make to Home Depot between now and then. I’m gonna say 56.” 

“You’re such a dork. I fucking hope it’s not 56.”

The two of you made your way out to the parking lot with hands full of goods, the sun slowly beginning to set behind the other buildings of the shopping center- a Chinese restaurant, a laundry mat, a building that had been under construction since your frequent trips to Home Depot began, and a pet store. 

You and Javi had tried the Chinese restaurant once, a few bites in simultaneously agreeing it was 100% the worst food you had ever had, never needed to go to the laundry mat, and god knows what the mystery building was getting turned into. You had, however, always wanted to go into the pet store, knowing it would be fun to walk around and look at the animals since it was something you loved doing as a kid with your brothers. But by the time the two of you were done with your hardware shopping, your brain was too fried to ever ask Javi if he wanted to go in and check things out as an entertaining thing to do. Tonight probably would have been no exception to the rule, but that was before you noticed the big sign posted in front of the store reading “Dog Adoption Event Today!” 

You and Javi had both agreed you had wanted to get a dog- that was something the two of you had easily agreed upon early on in your relationship- but like most things nowadays, you were waiting until the house was finished and you were out of the apartment before looking into getting one. You knew that going to look at dogs before the two of you could really do anything about it was a bad idea, but the longer you stared at that sign, the less and less willpower you began to have to keep yourself from running over there. 

“Jav.” You nudged, the two of you almost to Javi’s truck before stopping in your tracks, gesturing over to the pet store. Javi paused next to you, taking a moment to read the bright bold letters of the sign, letting out a deep sigh as he crossed his arms over his chest. 

“Baby, you know we can’t get a dog right now. Believe me, I want one too, but we gotta wait until the house is done first.” 

“I know. Can we just go look? Please?” While your puppy dog eyes were no match compared to Javi’s, you pouted your lip just about as far as it could go, batting your lashes at him with a pitiful frown on your face. You had no idea how Javi was ever going to be able to say no to your kids if he was already immediately caving from your silly, overexaggerated begging, let alone his own sweet brown eyes staring back at tiny versions of him. Regardless, right now, Javi’s lack of iron will was working in your favor, letting out another small sigh, contemplating for a moment before nodding his head in agreement. 

“Fine. But just looking, okay?” He muttered, almost as if he was trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to convince you. 

“Yes! Thank you! I promise, just looking… Probably.” You grinned, changing directions and speed walking across the parking lot towards the pet shop. Javi laughed to himself, shaking his head as he followed behind you. 

“I heard that.” 

As you walked through the front doors of the pet store, you were greeted with the sounds of high pitched barks and yaps, joining the few people gathered by the pen set up to contain the litter of what looked to be a mix of cattle dogs and something shorter and stumpier, the brown and cream speckled puppies bouncing and playing with the toys, blankets, and other littermates in the cage with them. You audibly let out a gasp as you looked down at the pure adorableness of the sweet little balls of fluff below you, squatting down next to the pen to get a better look at the group of puppies. 

“Oh my god, they’re so cute. Javi, they’re so freaking cute. Hi lil babies, aren’t you the most precious things ever?” You cooed, holding the back of your hand up to the cage for the playful puppies to sniff, their tiny bodies toppling over each other to smell you. 

As much as Javi wanted to be tough and strong willed to try and prove a point, you were right- these puppies were the cutest things he’d seen in a long time. Crouching down next to you, he glanced over, giving you the I told you this was a bad idea look that you knew you were bound to get from him the moment you saw the puppies. 

“They are really fucking cute.” Javi sighed in reluctant agreement, bringing his hand down by yours to try and pet some of the puppies through the cage. 

“Oh hi there! I see you two found the puppies!” An employee, an older woman with curly gray hair, smiled down at the two of you, gesturing towards the pen full of tiny, yapping pups. “Are you interested in adopting one?” You and Javi looked up at her, each of you letting out a deep breath before speaking at the same time, your answers lacking unison. 

“No.” 

“Maybe.” You quietly whispered under Javi’s no, letting out a little shrug, eyes darting away towards Javi to spare yourself from the eye roll you knew he was giving you from your response. “No, we’re not…” You finally agreed, giving another pouty, sad look to Javi. “We really want one, but we’re in an apartment right now and are moving into a house soon. We’re waiting until then to get one. Although these guys are making it very hard to keep it that way.” 

“I can understand that.” The woman laughed, a playful grin spread across her face, clearly sensing your willpower about the situation was much weaker than Javi’s. “Well, even if you’re not interested in adopting one right now, you’re more than welcome to pick them up or play with them! It’s good for them to practice being handled anyways.” 

“Don’t have to tell me twice.” Immediately, you stood up, bending over the edge of the pen to pick up one of the puppies closest to you, cuddling it against your chest as it squirmed and wiggled in your grasp. You sat bag down on the floor, cross legged as you cradled the puppy, eyes almost as wide and sweet as the dog you were now holding. “What’s this one’s name?” You asked the woman, carefully setting it down between your legs to let it bounce around. 

“That one is Muffin. He’s a feisty one, but a sweetheart.” She beamed, slowly bending down to pick up one of the stuffed toys in the cage, handing it over to Javi. Before you knew it, Muffin was scooting out of your lap and bolting over to Javi and the plush rabbit he was holding in his hands, making the both of you giggle at his goofy, floppy gallop. Javi held out the toy in front of him, a smile spreading across his face as Muffin bit down into the rabbit, shaking it in his mouth, tugging back at Javi’s grip on the stuffed animal. Any shred of stubbornness Javi was trying to hold out on was long gone, smiling and snickering just as wide as you as Muffin hopped into Javi’s lap, curling up with his toy in his mouth. 

Javi was like a little kid, practically giggling as he grabbed the stuffed rabbit and tossed it along the floor, watching Muffin slip and slide across the linoleum before pouncing on the toy and trotting back to Javi with it in his mouth. 

“Good boy! You’re smart, aren’t you?” Javi grinned, tugging at the toy before looking back at you and your look, screaming, So much for just looking, huh? without having to say a word. “He is really cute.” Javi admitted, trying his best to keep his composure from completely crumbling. The two of you stared at each other for a moment, giving each other the look that made you seriously contemplate if you were going home with a puppy today, until you looked back down at Muffin, now hunched over Javi’s foot, pee dribbling down his shoe. 

“Oh shit!” You grimaced, reaching up to pick up Muffin mid-stream, scooting him over to finish peeing on the floor instead of on Javi. 

“Oh my goodness, I am so sorry!” The woman gasped, grabbing some towels next to the cage, handing them off to Javi for him to wipe the pee off his shoe. “That is the thing with puppies, the potty training does take a while.” 

You were trying your best not to burst out into laughter as you picked Muffin back up, putting him back in the pen with the rest of his brothers and sisters, giving Javi and apologetic shrug at his current circumstances, knowing it was not helping your in any way shape or form to bring a puppy back to your apartment. “No it’s all good, no worries.” Javi smiled, wiping off his shoe with the towel and giving it a quick shake with a reluctant sigh, grounding him back in reality. 

“Can’t be any worse than stepping in a pile of cow poop.” You teased as Javi looked down in disappointment at his shoe, finally beginning to shake his head and laugh along with you. “Alright, you win, Mr. Reasonable. Muffin has made a very good case for no puppies at the apartment.” 

“Eventually baby, I promise.” Javi smirked, giving you a little nudge, the two of you waving goodbye to the cuteness corralled in the kennel behind you, finally making your way back to the car after your detour. 

Well… So much for that plan.  

“What about this one?” 

“Baby, I don’t know, at this point, they all just look like the same color.” You sighed, slumping your hand in your face, resting your elbow on the kitchen table where you and Javi sat, paint swatches spread across the wooden surface, among scattered samples of carpet, countertops and backsplash tiles. “I don’t think my brain can make any more house decisions tonight.”  

“Me either.” Javi huffed, reaching across the table to organize the paint sample cards into a pile next to the stack of other house things that now seemed to have a permanent home with you during dinner time. “I had no fucking idea there were so many goddamn shades of beige.” 

“It definitely doesn’t help that we’re trying to just pick through different shades of brown instead of fun colors.” You laughed, gathering the samples in front of you and stacking them in Javi’s pile as he stood up, pushing in his chair and making his way to the other side of the table where you sat, coming behind you to drape his arms over your shoulders, pressing a soft kiss into your hair as you leaned your head back into his chest, wrapping your arms around his to pull him closer. 

“Fun colors? What, you wanna paint the house purple, Hermosa?” Javi smiled, giving you a little shake in your chair making you giggle. 

“No, you dork. I was actually thinking more hot pink or neon green.” You retorted, giving Javi a nudge back tiling your head up towards him. “No, I don’t know, I know we want something neutral through the house but like, it’ll be fun to pick cute paint colors when we have kids and stuff.” 

Javi squeezed you a little tighter, his heart warming at the thought of when they’d get to do this again when there were actually kids in the picture to fill the empty rooms of their house. No matter how many times you and Javi talked about it, he was sure he’d never get over the fact that you wanted to have a family with him. It was a dream that had come and gone for him all those years ago, resigning himself to a life of simply surviving, even after he had returned home to Laredo. But now, the fact that dream was in reach, and undoubtedly in the near future had him beaming, knowing there was no one else in the world he wanted to spend the rest of his life and build a family with beside you, and that for some reason he still couldn’t quite comprehend, you felt the same way. 

While you had agreed that you would wait until you were married and your house was completely finished before you started trying and your birth control made its permanent home in the trash, with every day that he got closer to marrying you, finalizing your house and starting the newest chapter of your lives together, Javi couldn’t help but feel a want, no, a need, to start a family with you- to fulfill a purpose he so desperately craved to be a father. 

“Well…” Javi grinned, leaning back down to kiss your neck, his pecks becoming much more tender and slow with each press of his lips, “you could let me put a baby in you right now, and we could pick out fun paint colors along with the borning brown ones. Got a lot of rooms we need to fill and paint, Osita.”

“Javier Peña! You are a menace! You have to stop with the baby talk, or I swear, you’re about to make me cave in and crumble. You are testing every ounce of willpower I have.” You sighed, shaking your head as you looked up, entranced by Javi’s sweet brown  eyes and their powerful effects. 

While you and Javi both had undeniable cases of baby fever ever since you had gotten engaged, there was something about knowing you were about to have your own house with 4 extra rooms, solely built for the purpose of being filled with your kids that drove you, and even worse, Javi, absolutely crazy. In the past few weeks, the house had taken shape enough to finally have rooms that actually looked like rooms, Javi making it a point every time the two of you went over to check on progress, to point out just how good the spare bedrooms looked, like he was the most proud of those 4 extra rooms more than any other space in the house.   

The irrational part of you would have given him a baby yesterday, but the rational part of you knew you wanted to be married and have every last inch of that house finished before you brought a baby there. But every time Javi saw those bedrooms, looking at you with that big, goofy grin on his face for his children that didn’t even exist yet, oh god, did it make you want to say fuck it to every ounce of rationality you had left. 

“I think you have baby fever worse than I do, Jav. And that’s saying something.” You teased, reaching up to scrunch his cheeks. With another little giggle and content sigh, you pushed yourself up out of your chair, coming around the back of it to get the slightest running start to jump on him, full koala style, wrapping your arms and legs around his broad back, making the two of you burst out in laughter as he spun you around while you nuzzled your face in the crook of his neck, covering him with little kisses. “I love you so much. You’re gonna be such a good dad, you know that?” 

“I love you too, Osita. I hope I am. I want to be.” Javi sighed, a hopeful half smile pursed between his lips, causing you to cup both your hands around his face, forcing him to look at you. 

“You will be. I promise.” Tilting your head in, you pressed a soft, tender kiss onto his lips, lingering just a little longer than normal for your added reassurance. “Alright, I gotta get down now though, we have dishes we have to put away, and I have to shower tonight since I have a staff meeting tomorrow morning before school and I don’t wanna have to get up earlier than I need to.” 

“Un beso más (One more kiss).” Javi smiled, gripping a little tighter on your thighs wrapped around his legs, refusing to let go until you fulfilled his request. 

“Solamente un beso más? Por qué no dos? Tres? (Only one more? Why not 2? 3?)” You giggled, one of your hands running through the thick curls of his hair, while the other traced soft circles along his jawline. 

“Me gustaría darte todos los besos, Osita. Te daría cualquier cosa. (I’d give you all the kisses, Osita. I’d give you anything.)” Leaning in, your mouths met again in a soft and sweet moment, a kiss that felt like he meant it- He would give you the world if you asked for it, and then some. 

“God, I could kiss you forever. Alright, Romeo, put me down, we got things to do, and if you don’t, I know for a fact none of those things are getting done.” 

“Fine.” He sighed overdramatically, letting your legs fall to the floor as he released his grasp. “I’ll clean up dinner and you can go take a shower.” 

“I can help with cleaning up, Jav. You made dinner, the least I can do is-” 

“Go get your ass in the shower. I’ll clean it up.” He smiled, planting a kiss on the top of your head before gesturing towards the bathroom, making you cross your arms over your chest with an unseriously stern look on your face. 

“Are you trying to tell me that I smell? Rude. Sure you’re not the one who needs to shower after your foot got covered in piss?” You raised an eyebrow at him, trying your best not to laugh. 

“Go shower, you dork.” Javi chuckled, giving your ass a playful slap as you parted ways, sticking your tongue out at him as you disappeared down the hallway and into the bathroom.

After a long, and even hotter shower than usual (considering you didn’t have to account for Javi’s temperature complaints), you wrapped yourself up in your towel and headed back to your room, where you found Javi laying in bed, reading one of the books you had been teasing him about for the past few weeks as it sat on his nightstand, unopened, even though he insisted he really was going to read it soon. As if the fact that him finally opening up and reading the book wasn’t enough to taunt him about, the way his face scrunched as he squinted at the pages certainly was. 

“You doin’ alright over there, Grandpa? Jav, you just have to give in and get glasses, you know you can’t see anything, stop trying to fight it.” You giggled, your appearance in the bedroom catching Javi’s attention, making him rest his open book over his stomach. 

“I don’t need glasses. I can see just fine. I’d look stupid in them, anyways.” He grumbled, refusing to admit that you were right even though he knew just as well as you that his eyesight was definitely not what it once was. He let out another sigh, dogearring the page of his book and setting it on his nightstand, his grumpy demeanor quickly shifting as you gave him that playful smirk you always did when you wanted to rub something in to prove your point. You let out another laugh as Javi rolled his eyes at you, shifting himself on the bed to lay on his side, face resting in his palm with those sweet puppy dog eyes that never left your sight any time he watched you get ready, even if all it meant was putting on one of his oversized shirts and sleep shorts to go to sleep in. 

“Yeah, okay.” You replied, your voice oozing with sarcasm. “And you wouldn’t look stupid in glasses, you look hot in anything, and I’m sure you would look extra hot with 20/20 vision.” 

“Pendejo…” 

“You love me.” 

The two of you laughed as you shuffled through the drawers of your dresser, pulling out one of Javi’s t shirts to wear to bed along with a pair of underwear and cotton shorts, piling the clothes next to you as you unwrapped your towel drying yourself off once more before letting it drop to the floor so you could change. You could see Javi’s reflection staring back at you, more specifically, your ass in the mirror, an awestruck and lustful look growing in his eyes as you reached over to pick up your shirt. 

“I can literally feel your eyes burning a hole through my ass, Jav.” You sassed, smirking back at him through the mirror as you watched him bite down on his lip. 

“Fuck, I love your ass so much, you know that?” Javi rasped, his tongue gently darting between his lips, eyes still locked on your behind. 

“Yes, Javi, you are very adamant about letting me know how much you love it.” You snickered, slipping his shirt over your head, followed pair your pair of underwear, opting to completely forgo your shorts to play into his comment. You crawled up into bed next to him, nudging him over so his back laid on the mattress and you laid on top of him, pressing a soft, slow kiss against his lips as his hands roamed down your back, sneaking under the hem of your shirt to knead the soft flesh of your ass, letting out a low groan as your mouths met. 

“Because it’s fucking perfect.” He hummed, gripping his fingertips even deeper into your skin after sliding them under the thin, cotton fabric covering it. 

“Wow, someone’s in a mood about my butt tonight. Didn’t know your giant t-shirt and my plain ass underwear was really doin’ it for ya.” You joked, a little grin spread across your face as you ran your hands through Javi’s hair before sliding them down his face to cup his jaw. It didn’t take long for you to realize that the look on Javi’s face had quickly turned from one of lust to deep thought, his brow scrunched and nostrils flared, making you tilt your head in confusion. “What’s wrong?” You asked, immediately noticing the shift in his demeanor. “You only get that look when you’re really thinking hard about something, or you have to fart and you’re trying to hold it in, and I’m really hoping it’s not the second one.” 

Your comment was enough to snap him out of his own thoughts, making him shake his head as the two of you laughed, Javi still holding back slightly as his eyes shifted down towards the mattress, practically hearing the gears in his brain turning, when all of a sudden, it clicked with you. 

Oh shit. 

The combination of his stare down and silence told you everything you needed to know. 

You tilted his chin back up towards your face, a curious smirk stretched between your lips as you raised an eyebrow at him. 

“You wanna fuck my ass, don’t you?” 

Your voice was sweet and sultry, immediately making Javi’s face go blank in shock that you had connected the dots before he had even said anything. You could hear your heart pounding in your chest almost as loudly as Javi’s, a nervous swarm of butterflies filling your stomach as you waited for him to respond. 

You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t thought about it before. There had been plenty of times that Javi had put a thumb or fingers in your ass when he fucked you from behind, and holy shit, did it feel good whenever he did it. You’d honestly debated bringing it up before, but there was a part of you that could never bring yourself to do it because you never had, and you couldn’t help but feel nervous about it. 

It wasn’t that you didn't trust Javi- You’d trust him with your whole life without a second thought. There had never been a time since the moment you first had sex that your comfort wasn’t always his first priority. But with how full Javi felt inside you with just a thumb or a finger, couldn’t help but make you feel a little worried with how big he’d feel with his whole dick inside your ass. 

You also couldn’t help but feel a preemptive guilt if it ended up being too much and you had to ask him to stop, not that he would ever make you feel bad about it, but still, you couldn’t help but play out worse case scenarios in your head. But something about that look in his face as he stared you down in the mirror and head turning deep in thought was enough to spark that little flame of confidence you had brewing and beat him to the punch. 

“Hermosa…” He paused, the Adam's apple of his throat bobbing as he gulped, taking an anxious deep breath. “Baby, I-” 

“Do you?” 

The tightened grip of his fingers in your ass, gentle nod of his head and the low groan releasing from his chest was all you needed to know to figure out the answer to your question without even needing Javi to say a single word. His free hand mirrored yours, cupping your cheek as the two of you locked hungry gazes with each other, Javi now finally working up enough confidence to respond. 

“I want to so fucking bad.” Javi rasped, his dark brown eyes filled with a mix of desperation and need for reassurance. “But if you don’t want to, I don’t ever want to make you do something you’re not comfortable with. I promise, I won’t be upset about it at all.” The confident facade you had been fronting quickly began to crumble, your body flooding with a combination of nerves and excitement. 

“I do, I just- I- I’ve never done it before.” You weren’t sure how your voice had gotten so small and meek- maybe it was the reality of what you were about to do setting in at a rapid pace. Something about the sweet, soft innocence of your voice already had Javi hard as a rock, using every ounce of willpower to keep his composure, considering how even just the thought of even getting to put his dick in your ass already had him on edge. 

“That’s okay. Like I said, it’s only if you want to, baby. We can take it slow and if it’s too much, I’ll stop, no questions asked.” 

You could feel your head beginning to gently nod in agreement as Javi’s thumb rubbed soft circles on your jaw, a little smirk forming between your cheeks while your heart raced at a million miles per hour, almost feeling as worked up and nervous as the very first time the two of you had sex all that time ago. 

“I want to.” You whispered, letting your lips meet his in a tender and ferocious passion, muted moans escaping from each of your parted mouths. 

“You’re sure? I don’t want you to say yes just because I want to.” And fuck, could you feel how badly he wanted to, his fully hard dick straining against the fabric of his sweatpants, heavy against your thigh. You were no better despite your nerves, the cotton fabric of your underwear absolutely drenched already without Javi even touching you. 

“I’m sure. I promise.” 

A low groan rumbled deep in Javi’s chest as your mouths met again, Javi flipping you over so your back was flat against the mattress, letting his hands roam along your body while his lips traveled down your neck and collarbone. “I’m gonna make you feel so good, sweet girl. Gonna take my time with you, okay? I promise I’ll make sure you’re ready.” 

“Well I appreciate you just not going straight to shoving your dick into my ass, very gentlemanly of you.” You joked, trying to calm your nerves with your sarcastic wit, Javi practically snorting at your comment. 

“Jesus fucking Christ…” Javi whispered to himself through his laughter, resting his head on your chest as he looked up at you in amusement. 

“Sorry, I’ll stop and let you get back to business.” Javi lay frozen, still staring up at you with his head cocked to the side, eyebrows raised. 

“Osita, you know I love you very much, right?” 

“Yes.” 

“And that since we’ve been together, I’ve learned a lot of things about you? 

“Also yes.” 

“So you know I can tell when you’re nervous about something, right?” 

You let out a defeated sigh, crossing your arms in stubborn defiance, not wanting to admit that you knew Javi’s suspicions were correct. You waited a moment, and with a little frown pursed between your lips, you finally gave in. 

“...Yeah.” 

Javi rolled over next to you, draping one arm over your waist, the other holding his chin in his hand with his elbow propped up against the mattress, his tender gaze locking with yours, filling you with a sense of calm and reassurance you were convinced nothing else in the world could. “Osita, talk to me baby. What are you nervous about?” 

You flapped your arms up before planting them over your face, burying your head in your hands in embarrassment, your words muffled from underneath your palms. “What am I nervous about? Not to stroke your ego any more than it needs to be, but you have a huge dick, Jav. I’m also guessing this isn’t your first time, and it is for me, and you being the first giant dick to ever enter my ass has me a little nervous.” You rambled, your thoughts spilling out of your mouth faster than your brain could process them. “I really want to, I just don’t want it to not be good for you or for you to be upset if we stop or- I don’t know. I don’t want you to be mad about it if I’m the reason for- I- I’m probably overthinking it, I’m sorry.” You let out another deep exhale, averting your gaze from Javi’s staring down at the bed. 

This time, it was Javi’s turn to connect the dots, taking a moment to wonder why you were so worried about making him upset before putting the pieces together, his prediction making him clench his jaw in frustration. “Paul wanted to do it and you said no and he was a fucking asshole to you about it, wasn’t he?” 

Your head instantly shot up, swiveling around towards Javi’s agitated grimace, your face almost as shocked as Javi’s was when you had asked him if he had wanted to do this in the first place. “How… Javi, how did you-” 

“That motherfucker… he didn’t hurt you did he? I swear to God if he did, I’ll fucking fly up to Chicago right now and I’ll-” 

“Jav, Jav, cool your jets, killer.” You laughed softly, pressing your hand to his cheek to try and ground him before he really was on the next flight to Illinois. “No, he never did anything. He said that he wanted to and it kinda came out of the blue- I didn’t really want to at the time, especially not with him. He kept asking and asking and I would tell him no and he got so mad about it. Turns out that was around the time he started cheating on me anyways, and became an even bigger dickhead than he already was. But I always felt so guilty, and that it was my fault he was upset because I didn’t want to. I don’t know- I- I guess maybe this has stuck with me way more than it probably should have.” You could feel your voice shrinking, your eyes darting away once again, mortified by the fact that you completely ruined the moment by bringing up your shitty ex and his blatant lack of respect. “Sorry, I don’t know why we’re talking about this I-“ 

Before you could finish the rest of your sentence, Javi’s lips were on yours, swallowing the rest of your words as your mouths met with a passionate intensity, letting his arm wrap around your waist, pulling you in closer, caging his chest against yours. “Hermosa, you know I would never be mad at you about something like that, right? I love you, Osita, you have nothing to apologize for. All I ever want is to make you feel good, baby. Fuck, that gets me off more than anything else. Whatever you want, I’ll give it to you.” 

“I trust you, Javi.” Your voice was barely above a whisper, lips grazing over his, giving him a gentle nod of reassurance. “I want you to.” 

You could audibly hear the gulp Javi had let out, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat as he let out a low groan, tightening the grip he had around your waist. “Want me to what, sweet girl? I wanna hear you say it, baby.” His lips began to travel down your jawline towards your neck, hot and wet presses languidly making their way to your collarbone as he tugged at the end of your shirt, snaking his hands up the soft skin of your stomach. You could feel the heat building in your core, letting out a soft moan as his hands palmed at your breasts, rolling your pebbled nipples between the tips of his fingers. 

“I want you to fuck my ass, Javi.” 

With that, his hands were shuffling your shirt over your head, tossing it over the side of the bed before letting his kisses make their way down your newly exposed skin, letting his tongue flick along each nipple before letting his gaze lock with yours, a small smirk spreading across his face. “I promise I’m gonna make you feel so fucking good, Hermosa. Gonna take good care of you, baby, I swear.” 

“I know.” You nodded, staring back at the hunger pooling in the dark brown of his eyes, practically squirming in the sheets of your bed from the throbbing between your legs, feeling the slick almost dripping down your thighs from just how turned on you were. The grin on Javi’s face had become devilish, biting down on his bottom lip as he snaked his hand down your front, tugging at the waistband of your panties, sliding them down your legs before running a finger through your slit, already drenching him with your arousal. 

“Turn around, baby. Hands and knees, okay?” You could hear the subtle smugness in his tone, giving you a playful squeeze as he grabbed your hips, flipping you over face down on the mattress, making you squeal. You did Javi one better, laying your chest flat against the sheets, lifting your ass up in the air and giving it a little shake, Javi’s hands instantly kneading at the soft flesh in front of him, digging his fingertips deeper into your skin, feeling his hot breath hovering over your cunt. 

Suddenly, you felt a long, wide strip of his tongue through your folds, pressing hard and intensely along your clit before diving in like a man starved, lapping you up as he began to eat you out from behind. Each stroke of his tongue was more persistent than the last, the grip of his hands on your hips pulling your heat closer to his face as he licked and sucked at your throbbing bundle of nerves, the mix of your slick and his saliva coating your inner thighs. His feverish pace already had you fisting at the bedsheets, whimpering and moaning as his mouth worked along your dripping core, making you gasp even further when you felt his tongue begin to travel up towards your tight ring of muscle. 

“Oh holy fuck- Javi, oh my god, baby. Fuck me, oh shit.” You whimpered as Javi’s tongue swirled along your puckered hole, dancing around the edges before dipping inside, the sensation making you shudder in pleasure, feeling Javi’s low hum of approval deep in the back of his throat. If that wasn’t enough, one of the hands that had a tight grip on your ass was now collecting the slick dripping from your entrance, his fingers tracing through your folds before pressing firmly on your clit, the added stimulation immediately making the tingle begin to build at the base of your spine. As he worked at your hole, the pads of his fingers circling your sensitive bundle of nerves you could feel your breath becoming ragged, letting out a few more shaky exhales before your orgasm crashed through you, crying out into the soft fabric of the sheets, pleasure and euphoria flooding your body. 

As you came down from your high, Javi let his hands slide gently up and down your sides, pressing soft kisses along your back until he had made his way up your shoulder blades and neck, whispering tenderly into your ear. “Such a good girl for me, Osita. Came so hard letting me eat out that pretty little ass of yours. You want me to keep going?” 

“Fuck yes, oh my god Javi, please.” You whimpered, shaking your head frantically as you looked back at Javi, already sitting back on his knees to lift his shirt over his head before sitting up to kick off his sweatpants and boxers, letting his cock spring free, precum glistening and weeping from his tip, considering how painfully hard he had been since even the thought of getting to fuck your ass. 

You could feel his body hovering over yours, hands sliding up and down your sides before grabbing at your ass again, placing tender kisses on each cheek before leaning over to the nightstand on his side of the bed, pulling out the bottle of lube and setting it next to him. His hands roamed to your core once again, two fingers dipping into your cunt, curling to hit the soft, spongy spot inside you that already had you moaning again. 

It wasn’t long until his fingers were substituted for his cock, running his tip through your folds, collecting your arousal along his length before slowly pushing inside your pussy, already so wet and worked up, that even with sweet sting of his stretch, he still slid in with ease, setting a steady, even pace as one hand dug into your hip, the other reaching over to grab the bottle of lube, popping open the cap with a click and letting the cool liquid drip over your tight hole, making you gasp. You could feel the pads of his fingers pressing at the entrance to your ass, gently teasing you open with one finger, breeching up to his knuckle, the combination of both his finger and cock inside you making you whimper in pleasure. 

“That’s it. Such a good girl. Fuck, you’re already so fucking tight around my finger. You want another one in there, baby?” Javi mewled, prodding his finger deeper into your hole as he continued to thrust into you, his strokes slow and steady, but still punching deep into your g-spot with each thrust of his hips against the back of your thighs. 

“Yes- oh fuck- yes, oh my god.” You weren’t really quite sure how your brain was still even managing to form words at this point, the warm feeling that had been growing inside you spreading to every inch of your body. The pad of Javi’s second finger teased at your tight hole, collecting ample amounts of you slick and lube before pushing in to join the first, the thickness of both of his fingers making you clench even tighter around his cock and digits as you cried out in delight. 

“Shhhhhh, I know, sweet girl. Relájate (relax) baby, I’ve got you.”  

You could already feel your second orgasm starting to build again, heat beginning to bloom in your belly from the rhythmic pounding of Javi’s dick punching against your g-spot and his fingers prodding at the nerve endings of your ring of muscle, already feeling so full from the stretch of both holes. 

“Fuck, fuck fuck- oh fuck- Javi, I’m gonna cum again, fuckahhhhhhh-” You cried out, letting your second orgasm hit you even harder than your first, clenching down around Javi’s cock and fingers as you grabbed at handfuls of your bedsheets, trying to ground yourself as the intensity of your pleasure ripped through you. 

“There you go, Hermosa. That’s it, baby. Such a good girl. Did so good for me.” He cooed, gently pulling out both his cock and fingers, the emptiness making you shutter as Javi pressed tender, soft kisses down your back before making his way up your neck and nipping at your ear. “You think you’re ready for me, Osita? If not, it’s okay, I only wanna do what you want, mi amor (my love).” 

You took another few ragged breaths to compose yourself, unsure how your brain was even managing to function at this point as you came down from your high, trembling in delight. You nodded before you could speak, Javi letting out a low groan as he sucked at your pulse point, his words hot and heavy against your skin. 

“Need to hear you say it, pretty girl. Tell me what you want and it’s yours.” 

“Fuck my ass, Javi. I want you to fuck my ass, please baby.” You whined, whimpering your words against the soft fabric of your sheets, desperate for more, needing to feel all of him inside you in a way you hadn’t before. 

Javi let out an audible groan as he pulled back, letting his hands roam up your body and back to the lube resting on the bed, once again, popping open the cap and squirting some of the liquid into his palm as he fisted his dick, stroking himself a few times before lining himself up with your tight hole. “You promise you’ll tell me if you want me to stop?” 

You shook your head rapidly, fingers already gripping into the pillow in front of you as you braced yourself for Javi to enter, feeling his tip press against your tight ring of muscle. Suddenly, you could feel the sensation of Javi breeching your entrance, making you gasp at just how full you already felt as he had barely made his way inside you. Javi pushed further in, leaving you practically breathless from the stinging stretch of his cock filling you as he paused halfway, leaning over to check on you. 

“Oh fuck me- You okay, sweet girl?” 

“Mhhmmmmmm. Fuck Javi, you feel so big. Holy shit, baby. Oh fuck.” You gulped, squeezing around Javi’s length as he inched deeper and deeper inside of you, your clit and cunt throbbing as he filled you, the newfound sensation making you see stars. You were so focused on how you were feeling, you had barely noticed how tightly Javis fingertips were gripping into the soft flesh of your ass, like he was bracing himself for dear life as he sunk further and further into your tight hole. 

While Javi had found himself in this position with other women a handful of times before, he had never come close to feeling the same way about anyone the way he did about you- He had been dreaming about the day that you agreed to let him fuck your ass, and now finding himself inside you, knowing he would be the first and the last to ever have you like he was right now, had him on the brink of busting any second if he wasn’t careful. Javi had never been more thankful that you couldn’t see his face, because he knew he looked absolutely wrecked and was struggling to keep the ounce of composure he had left as you gripped around his cock like a vice. 

“Javi, oh shit- Javi, you can move baby.” You moaned, adjusting to his fullness, the initial pain quickly transforming to burning hot pleasure as you gave Javi the green light to keep going. After a few seconds, when Javi had said nothing and hadn’t moved at all, you spoke again, thinking maybe he hadn’t heard you. “Javi, I’m good, you can-” 

“I know, I know, fuck- sorry, baby. Jesus Christ- you’re so fucking tight, Hermosa, fuck me. Give me a second or I’m gonna fuckin’ bust right now.” Javi replied, halfway between a whimper and a moan as he firmly grasped your hips, carefully setting a slow pace as he began to thrust in and out of your ring of muscle, shocked to feel how quickly heat was beginning to bloom in your belly once again, his length languidly sliding in and out of your asshole, filling you and striking new nerve endings you had never felt before making you quickly begin to come undone. 

Your legs began to tremble, grasping at the mattress to brace yourself as you felt your clit throb and cunt clench as the coil in your belly tightened further and further, the lewd noises of your moans and grunts filling the room. 

“Javi, fuckfuckfuck, oh my god, baby I’m so close again, holy fuck.” You cried out, as even just the slightest pick up of Javi’s pace had you reeling closer and closer to the edge of your release. Javi freed one of his hands, snaking it between your legs to rub at your sensitive bundle of nerves, already swollen and pulsing from your first two orgasms, and now even more responsive as the pads of his fingers circled against it. 

Javi wanted desperately to hold out for you and make you cum as many times as you wanted to just like this, but he knew damn well the moment you came and clamped down even harder around his cock than you already were, he was a fucking goner and going right along with you. He needed to give you one more before he also came embarrassingly fast, but he couldn’t help it. 

“Fuck Osita, fuck- I’m not gonna last much longer either, baby. Need you- oh shit- need you to give me one more, pretty girl. Cum for me, Hermosa, I’ve got you.” 

With only a few more strokes and circles around your clit, you were cumming so hard, you were honestly convinced you had blacked out. Your whole body shook as you wailed in delight, squeezing around Javi’s dick so hard it was only seconds before he was following suit, letting a ragged groan escape through his gritted teeth as you milked him of every last drop, Javi bracing himself for dear life with the grasp he had around your hips as he finished. 

Javi slumped over you, the two of you breathing so heavily it sounded more like you had just finished a triathlon more than anything else. He let out a deep hiss as he pulled out, taking a moment to admire his work as he watched his spend drip out your tight hole as your body collapsed onto the mattress. 

You weren’t sure how long you had been laying there before you were finally able to wrangle the brain power to speak again, and even then, the only words that you were able to manage were a quiet “holy fucking shit…” 

Javi flopped down, laying on his back next to you as you rolled over, both of your faces bright and blissed as you stared at one another, almost unsure of what to say. 

“Are you okay?” Javi asked, gently cupping your flushed cheek in his palm. 

“Am I okay? Javi… Holy fuck. I don’t think I have ever cum so hard in my entire life. I honestly thought I blacked out there for a second. Baby… That was, fuck, that was insane.” You half laughed to yourself, shaking your head in disbelief. “Are you okay?” 

“I’m fucking great. Holy shit. Sorry I couldn’t last longer, I didn’t think I was gonna go that fast but you felt so fucking good. Thank you, Osita.” 

“Thank you? For what?” You giggled, giving Javi a playful poke on the chest as you raised an eyebrow at him. 

“For this. For trusting me.” 

“Javier Jesús Peña…” You smirked, propping yourself up on your arm to get a better look at him, “I trust you with my life. More than anyone I’ve ever met. I should be the one thanking you for so graciously taking my butt virginity. Wouldn’t want anyone else in there besides you.” 

The two of you burst into laughter, Javi practically letting out a snort as he rolled his eyes at your ridiculous comment. “God, you’re fucking ridiculous. I love you, Osita.” 

“I love you too, Javi. C’mon, let's go shower before your cum sits in my asshole any longer and I get pregnant with your butt baby.” You snickered as you rolled off the bed, making your way to the bathroom. 

“Jesus fucking Christ… Butt baby? Seriously?” He snorted, following behind you, giving you a playful smack on your ass, scooping you up to hike you over his shoulder and fireman carry you to the shower, making you squeal. “You’re so fucking weird.” 

“Weirdo you love enough to put your dick in my ass and make your wife, so that’s on you, Jav.” You giggled as Javi set you down on the cool tile of the bathroom floor, giving him a little shrug before reaching into the shower to turn on the water. 

“And what a fucking lucky man I am.” 

Ever since starting his job at the Laredo Sheriff's Department, Javi had been able to count on a few things every morning when he got into work. Sheryl at the front desk would greet him with a half hearted “Good morning, Javier” , the smell of shitty work coffee would be brewing in the break room, and Agent Carter and Miller already arguing about something stupid at their desks instead of working on anything that actually needed to get done. That’s why when Javi made his way into work on Monday morning and was not greeted by any of those things, he knew his day was getting thrown for a loop- he just wasn’t quite sure how yet. 

“It was their idea, not mine, believe me.” Sheryl grumbled, rolling her eyes as she nodded towards the path to Javi’s office, holding her hands up in defense as if to prove she had nothing to do with whatever was going on beyond her desk. Javi paused, tilting his head and scrunching his brow in confusion at Sheryl before letting out a sigh, and hesitantly making his way back to find out what in the world she was talking about. 

He was surprised by the lack of Miller and Carter’s presence in their desk chairs, and the unusual silence filling the office as Javi turned his head, wondering where everyone was. He peered over the cubicles, looking for any sign of life, until a strange sound caught his attention from behind the door of his office. 

Woof, woof, woof! 

Javi shook his head, convinced he must be hearing things until the low bark repeated, followed by a hush of anxious voices whispering around the corner. 

“Oh no, shhhhhh! Shit, I didn’t think he was gonna bark.” 

“Well it’s a fucking dog, Carter, what the hell did you think it was gonna, do, meow?”

“Maybe he didn’t hear it.” 

“I highly doubt that, dumbass. God, he’s gonna be fucking pissed.” 

“Your idea, not mine.” 

Even though he couldn’t see them, Miller and Carter’s worried whispers were enough to let Javi know he wasn’t imagining the barking coming from behind his office door. Letting out a deep sigh, which sounded a lot more like a groan, Javi carefully twisted open the doorknob to his workspace, only to be greeted by a large, shaggy and very dirty Golden Retriever staring back at him with big brown eyes, happily wagging its tail and shaking excitedly at Javi’s presence. Although Javi had heard the bark from behind his door, it didn’t stop him from doing a double take from the dog now residing in his office, running his hand over his face in a confused frustration as to how and why Miller and Carter had already managed to make his Monday morning a pain in his ass. 

“Why the fuck is there a dog in my office?” Javi half shouted, making Carter and Miller sheepishly appear from around the corner with guilty looks on their faces, avoiding eye contact with Javi as he glared through the two of them, wondering how the hell they were going to try and talk themselves out of this one. 

“Hey Peña, uh, I uh… Listen Miller was the one who brought him in, and he was so cute that I wasn’t not gonna do anything about it and-” 

“Oh, way to throw me under the fucking bus, Carter!” Agent Miller huffed, cutting Carter off in attempts to let the blame completely fall on him. “You agreed we should keep him here so that we could-” 

“Okay, that still doesn’t explain why the fuck there’s a dog in my office.” Javi groaned, cutting off Carter and Miller before they found themselves in a pointless arguing match about how and why there was now a dog happily leaning itself against Javi’s leg, his tail shaking back and forth, completely enamored by Javi. 

It was taking everything in Javi not to reach down and pet him to try and prove a point to Carter and Miller that they had astronomically fucked up the rest of his plans for the morning, but the dog was sure as hell adorable and sweet as could be. 

“Okay, well, I was driving into work this morning, and as I was making my way down that back road past the cattle ranch a few blocks down from here, this guy ran out in the road. Thank God I saw him when I did. I stopped, got out, and he came right up to me, but there was obviously no one with him. He looked relieved that he’d found me. Poor guy is dirty and skinny as hell. He hopped right into my car and ate the rest of my McGriddle which I was kinda pissed about, but I can’t blame ‘em.” Miller sighed, now crouching down to give the dog some scratches on the head before continuing on with his story. “So I went to some of the houses on the street and no one had ever seen this dog before. I called Webb County Animal Control to see if anyone had reported  a missing dog that looked like him, but no one had. I asked if I should take him to the shelter to see if anyone would come for him, but the lady on the phone said if no one’s reported him missing, they probably wouldn’t come for them.” 

“Well tell him what else, Miller.” Carter encouraged, trying to aid in Miller’s defense as he rose back up, standing next to his partner. 

“When I called the animal shelter to ask them what to do, the woman I talked to said the shelter is so full, that if we brought him in and no one claimed him within the next two weeks, that they’d…” Miller trailed off, him and Carter both grimacing, unable to finish the rest of his sentence as he looked down at the gleeful, furry face staring back up at him. “Well, let’s just say that things weren’t gonna look so good for him. I couldn’t bring myself to drop him off, and I wasn’t just gonna fucking leave him, so, I uh- I brought him here.” 

Javi let out a deep sigh, burying his hands in his face for a moment before rubbing his temples, understanding why Miller had done what he did, but nonetheless, still frustrated that now he had become wrapped up in solving a missing dog case. 

“So what? Are you gonna keep him?” Javi questioned, finally giving in to bend down and give the dog a few pats on his side, feeling just how skinny and boney he was as his hand met his belly. 

“Oh no, I can’t keep him. Apartment doesn’t allow dogs. I would if I could.” Miller admitted, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck, feeling guilty for his lack of helpful response. 

“What about you? You keeping the dog?” Javi asked, looking over at Carter, giving him a little shrug, hoping he was the solution to his temporary canine problem. 

“Um, no. Sorry. I’m allergic. He’s cute as hell but my eyes have been itching ever since he got here.” 

“So what, he’s just gonna live here? C’mon you guys, really?” Javi grumbled, now crouching down next to the dog, getting a better look at his begging eyes and goofy grin under his panting tongue, giving Javi a few licks on the face in excitement as his tail began to wag rapidly from Javi’s closeness. 

Javi couldn’t help but let out a little laugh as the dog lapped against his face, wrapping his hands around the dog’s head and giving it a playful rub to get the dog to stop before staring back at the sweet, sad eyes staring back at him. He scratched under the dog’s chin before it was snuggling up next to him, comfortably plopping himself down over Javi’s feet and letting out a content little grumble as his tail continued to thump against the floor in joy. 

Javi closed his eyes, letting out a sigh. A deep sigh. Not because he didn’t like this dog. Hell, not even because he was really that mad at the two office idiots for bringing the dog here this morning. Javi let out a long, exasperated sigh, because he could feel the willpower he had preached to you about holding out on a dog until the new house- a conversation he had just had with you last night- was absolutely crumbling. 

He couldn’t come home with a dog, right? He had just spent all of last night convincing you that the apartment wouldn’t be a good place for a dog. But… that was for a puppy. This was a full grown dog. A calm one, at that. A fucking cute one at that. God, it had been 5 minutes and this dog was already attached at the hip to him, and it was probably fair to say that Javi had gotten just as attached, if not more. Carter and Miller were right, with the shape the dog was in, it really did look like no one had been taking care of him, or had any plans to come and find him, and Javi couldn’t bear the thought of sending the dog off to the shelter, knowing his inevitable fate. 

Fuck.

“Okay, well, do you know anything else about him? Are you sure that there’s no one looking for him?” Javi grunted as he pushed himself back up to stand, trying to keep his cool as he looked over at Carter and Miller, their eyes still peeled to the ground in hopes the lack of direct eye contact would lessen their chances of a complete reaming from Javi. 

“No, boss. Only other thing we could find about him was the little tag on his collar, which wasn’t helpful at all, because it only had his name.” Carter shrugged, peeking up at Javi, surprised by the even keel of his tone. Javi bent back down, the dog immediately rolling over on his back and exposing his belly for Javi to pet as he reached towards the dog’s neck, gently tugging at the tethered collar under his tangled fur to read the poorly engraved tag attached, letting out an even bigger sigh and shaking his head in disbelief at the name. 

Bear. 

Of fucking course. As if the universe needed to send him another sign. Of fucking course the dog’s name was the same as his nickname for you, Osita- little bear. 

Javi couldn’t help but laugh to himself, running his hand over his face once again. “Shit. You sure no one’s looking for him?” 

Both Carter and Miller shook their heads, crossing their arms over their chests in sad disappointment at Bear, laying sprawled across Javi’s feet. Letting out one last reluctant exhale, Javi looked back at the pair, nervously awaiting his response before he spoke. 

“If… If no one calls looking for him by the end of the day… I’ll take him home with me.” 

Carter and Miller’s faces lit up in shock and delight, staring at Javi, dumbfounded by what they had just heard. “I mean… Fuck, well… that was way easier than I thought it was gonna be.” Miller half grumbled to himself, glancing over at Carter, like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

“I obviously don’t have any dog shit at home so I’m gonna have to leave early today to get some, so you two idiots are gonna have to finish up the rest of the paperwork I needed to do this afternoon, we clear?” 

“Yeah, yup- Absolutely. Will do.” The two nodded in agreement, still in shock that the worst they had gotten from their boss from dropping a stray dog off in his office was the rest of his paperwork for the day. 

“Fuck me. Alright, c’mon Bear.” Javi sighed, pushing open his office door, Bear, happily trotting along behind him, tail wagging in delight as Carter and Miller stared back at each other, frozen in shock that they, with very little convincing, had gotten their boss to happily take their furry problem into his own hands. 

If the fact that Bear wasn’t cute as can be was enough to win over Javi, he was also the sweetest, most relaxed dog he’d had ever met. Bear was perfectly content to lay down next to Javi’s desk, letting out content grumbles and sighs as he slept and Javi worked, sprawled out across the floor. Bear also seemed to love everyone he met, joyfully making his rounds around the station with Javi after a failed attempt at leaving him behind in his office, immediately caving to Bear’s sad, lonely whines and big brown eyes from behind the glass of his office window. Around 2:00 PM, after Javi had given Bear the better half of his turkey sandwich for lunch, he found himself just as hungry as that poor dog probably was this morning, deciding to cut his day short to get himself some food, and gather whatever else he needed before bringing Bear back to the apartment. 

Javi thanked whatever higher power that the woman working at the pet store this afternoon was not the same woman he had adamantly convinced last night that he was not coming with a dog, because in the back seat of his truck, sat a dog he was now bringing home. The woman working at the store had helped Javi to find everything he needed for Bear and probably then some, Javi more than thankful for her patience and advice, feeling overwhelmed by what to get for a dog that had landed in his care only a few short hours ago.  

After 2 trips up your apartment stairs to drop off the bed, food, treats and toys Javi had gotten, he made one final trip back for Bear, who had glady hopped out of the truck and followed Javi back to your place after a quick pee on the bush in the parking lot, leaving Javi very thankful the dog had found a spot to relieve himself that wasn’t on his shoe. 

“Well, welcome home, I guess.” Javi chuckled as Bear busted through the apartment door, tail wagging at a propeller like speed as he meandered through the space, sniffing and exploring around the kitchen and living room, before wandering back to the bags from the pet store Javi had set on the ground, giving them a little prod with his snout before sitting next to them, looking up at Javi as if to ask if he could have the food and treats that were inside. “Well… I guess a little more food couldn’t hurt, right?” 

There were very few times where Javi was home from work before you, and when he did, he normally told you before he left, or called you at work to let you know- so when you pulled into the parking lot to see Javi’s truck next to your empty parking space, it was safe to say you were a bit perplexed. You quickly unpacked your bags from your car, making your way up to the apartment, trying to rationalize with your confusion and nerves as to why Javi had beaten you home. As you unlocked your door, you gently pushed it open, now even more confused by the muffled grunts and swearing coming from down the hallway. Dropping your things at the entryway, you quickly began working your way through the apartment to figure out what was going on before you almost tripped and fell over a large dog bed now in the middle of your living room. 

“What the hell…” You murmured to yourself, your brow scrunching in bewilderment as you caught your step over the soft, plushy surface, doing a double take to realize that what had almost taken you to the ground was a dog bed. Looking over, you then noticed the several bags from the local pet store, now even more puzzled as your attention shifted back to the end of the hallway, hearing Javi’s voice as well as the sound of running water and frantic splashing. 

“Goddamnit, will you just stay still please? We’re almost done, bud.” 

Almost sprinting to the bathroom, you pushed open the door to find a pile of towels spread across the floor, Javi kneeling over the side of the tub, shirt absolutely soaked as he held the shower handle towards a goofy, wet, golden retriever dancing around in the other end of the tub as he saw you. 

“Uhhhhhh, Javi… Why is there a dog in our bathtub?” You stood stunned in the doorway, your presence startling Javi as he spun around, dropping the shower handle, making it spray over the walls, leading the dog to playfully bark and shake as it hopped over the ledge of the tub to greet you. 

“No, Bear! Come back here! Fuck. I uh- I can explain, I-” Javi stammered, scrambling to grab the flailing shower head before reaching for the dog to try and wrangle him back into the shower, the rest of his thought cut off by Bear taking one more step towards you before bracing himself for a giant shake, absolutely drenching you as you burst into laughter, wiping your now soaking face with the palms of your hands before reaching down to pet the cheerful dog, wagging his wet tail as he leaned up against your leg. 

You couldn’t help but let the smuggest grin spread across your face, now putting the pieces of the puzzle together. “Bear, huh? You come up with that one?” You giggled, crouching down to greet who you now were presuming to be the newest resident of your household, rubbing his hands over his drenched, furry body, squealing as he licked all over your face. “I thought we couldn’t have a dog in the apartment, Jav, and I hate to break it to you, this is definitely a dog… very much in our apartment.” 

Javi let out a snort, rolling his eyes at you as he reached over to shut off the water, resting his back against the edge of the tub, propping his arms up over the sides as he braced himself to try and explain his current situation to you. “Well…” he grinned sheepishly as Bear paced back and forth between the two of you, his tail swaying side to side as he dripped puddles across the bathroom floor, “I got into work this morning and the first thing I saw was a fucking dog that Carter and Miller had dropped in my office after Miller found him on his drive in.” 

“Which I am assuming is this dog?” You laughed, gesturing towards the giddy Golden Retriever jaunting around the bathroom. 

“Yeah, this one. Miller said that he found him on a dirt road. Called animal control and no one had been looking for a dog that looked like him, and that when he called the shelter, they were so full, that if someone didn’t either come to get him or adopt him in the next couple weeks, that, well… they probably would have to… Fuck, Cater is allergic and Miller can’t have dogs at his place, and I- he’s so sweet, and I couldn’t just let him go so-” 

“So you bought out the better part of the pet store so he could live here with us?” You grinned, raising an eyebrow at Javi as Bear happily sat himself down in his lap, making Javi grunt at the weight of the dog plopping himself down across his legs. 

“I mean… I uh… I-” Javi mumbled, sheepishly looking down at Bear before looking back at you, doing your best to contain your laughter and giggles. “What, Hermosa?” Javi phrased it as a question, even though he already knew the answer- You were never going to let him live this down for the rest of his life. 

“And you thought you needed to be worried about me bringing a dog home without asking.  Does this mean we have a new member of the Peña family?” You smirked, making your way over to Javi and Bear, squatting down on the soaking bathroom floor next to them, pressing a playful peck onto Javi’s cheek as you gave Bear a big scratch. 

“If that’s okay with you.” 

“You’re lucky he’s cute, and you’re lucky you’re cute, too. Yes, of course it’s okay with me. Welcome to the family, Bear Peña.” 

The two of you smiled at each other as you sat on the bathroom floor, a damp and soggy Bear spread across your laps with the happiest and goofiest grin spread over his face, too. While coming home to find Javi wrestling a stray dog in your tub wasn’t exactly how you pictured welcoming the newest member of your family into your lives, in some strange way, it couldn’t have felt more perfect. Getting to grow and share your life together with Javi was all you could ever really ask for, even if that meant a Monday night, soaking wet from a dog bath gone wrong. 

“Okay, well, we should probably dry this goofball off and get his stuff all situated. Poor guy is probably exhausted after all of his adventures today, aren’t ya bud? Do you think we should put the dog bed in our room? I don’t want him to get scared during the night, but I’m not really sure if we should have him up on our bed, ya know?” 

As you pushed yourself up to stand, you waited for Javi’s response, only to be greeted by double the amount of big, brown puppy dog eyes now staring back at you as you turned around. Javi still said nothing, a guilty look growing across his and the dog’s, as you let out a deep sigh, wondering how in the world you were going to build up your immunity to another sweet face that made you crumble. 

“You already let him on the bed, didn’t you, Jav?” 

“.... Maybe.” 

“Like I said, the two of you are very lucky you’re cute.” 

Taglist:

@cool-iguana @rhoorl @whyjuliaaa @bbiophiliaa @pertinentpostmortem @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @pedrobaby @fatima-marisa @beboldbebravethings @poodlebae @kittenlittle24 @3sriracha @jungchloee @perennialdoll247 @prettyinpunk85 @partyofone3413 @harriedandharassed @pedrohoe04 @theorganasolo @endlessthxxghts @beware-my-thorns @missladym1981 @messinadress @milly-louise @jay-zzle @the-one-with-the-grey-color @persephone-girl @bitchesuntitled @pedropascallvr @millennial-teenybopper @nastiasnow @vee-bees-blog @hopplessilse

[sadiewayne]

are you more or less likely to like the percy jackson show if you have adhd?

TL;DR at the bottom

this whole idea came about because i was seeing people complain about the pacing of the show and i was so confused because i thought the pacing was perfect and then i thought maybe it's because i have adhd and so of course i would think the pacing was great and so i ran a poll to look at the results and here are those results

important things to note

a) i have adhd (diagnosed)

b) i study a stem degree

ok here we go

short answer

statistically no, but i disagree (i'll get to it)

longer answer

i did a poll comparing if you have adhd and if you like the show, these were the results (and here so you can see how i wanted people to answer)

(yes i voted, my opinion also counts)(and yes, there are flaws in the design but i only had 12 options and this was mainly about adhd)

and idk about you but looking at those numbers i can see a few things

number 1: most people like the show, 87.8% in fact

and if you take out the people that didn't care, it's 92.9% of people who did care aka a lot

quick stats rundown

for everyone with adhd (thats the first 6 options) 3% didn't like the show

for those with other neurodiversities and not adhd, it was 12%

yeah, thats 4 times higher (it works out at a whole 2 people but again, limits of the poll)

ANYWAY, i ran some statistical tests (don't stress, i don't understand them either, i will not be focussing on them)

first, chi squared (compares expected values for each option with the actual values i got)

yeah that number is small, like very small, like 2.8 quintillionths

but i ran it in R and got a very different number

and oh lookie here that's a p-value about 0.05 and so we must accept the null hypothesis (basically that yeah, that's expected)

which makes NO SENSE but whatever, the computer tells me it's that

enough of chi-squared, i also ran a z-test (i googled what to do and apparently this was the right test, idk what it does ngl)

i didn't run this one in R bc i have no idea how to do that

but the p-value is again, about 0.05 and so accept that there is no significant difference

BUT I DISAGREE

ok i don't disagree with the stats but i disagree that there isn't a difference

it doesn't take a genius to see the difference

3% of people with adhd didn't like the show but 12% of other nd's did like-

come on that has to mean something

so i ran a chi squared test on just the adhd data and...

1.9 octillionths

wha-

so did it in R and got a warning saying it probably wasn't accurate (it's probably the 0) so i ran fishers exact test (idk man thats what i was told to run by the internet) and got this...

so errrrrr yeah

apparently the same goes for the adhd data to which i can kind of get but also dont when

0.6% of people didn't like the show and were diagnosed as an adult but 1.2% didn't like the show and were self-diagnosed, with almost the same number of votes (it works out as a 1 person difference)

and no one who was diagnosed as a child disliked it like WHAT?!?!?!

also no neurotypicals disliked it, love y'all for that /gen

idk, i think the sample size is too small to run accurate tests, that or im doing it wrong which is a very high probability

so whilst statistically, the answer is no, i'm seeing a pattern emerge

but i am a scientist so i cannot say yes or no which SUCKS bc i see a pattern and i want to know MORE but tumblr doesn't have a great mechanism for polls so i can't ask all the questions i want to

TL;DR

the stats say there's no significant difference and so i must concur even if i don't want to

the show was amazing and i'm very excited for season 2 for reasons i don't want to spoil for people who haven't read the book (but go read the books they are just as good)

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

the Toyota Yaris is my babygirl... (I have a 2002 one which I named Tilly)

can I learn some more about my car maybe?

Call yourself Dr. Pepper because you can!

I have made a helpful diagram to illustrate.

Very happy someone asked about the car me dad was gonna buy, so I get to show its funky optical-illusion digidash that, through some magic I must say still eludes me, is made to look a lot further than it is so your eyes don't have to refocus to glance at it.

And I know what you're thinking - "Wow, digidashes are so cool, if only there was a website that collected them all" and my dear where do you think I got this image from? ;) But there's another cool thing about this image, speaking of it - what's with the coordinates in the lower display? Well it turns out that's why that button at the bottom right says "NAVI" above it - for the low low price of an absolute fucking fortune that it seems no one was willing to pay you could get your Yaris fitted with a little underseat satellite navigation unit that fed off map CDs (because people who say things were better back in the day just don't remember the details that well) and gave you directions in return!

"But wait", I hope and pray you're thinking so I get to do the reveal, "where's the screen then?" Well it's right there! What more screen do you need to be given a turn and a distance?

And that's not even all the cool tech that the Yaris ever got! In 2004, they made a special version called "Yaris Blue", available in blue, blue and blue, which offered steering wheel controls and what color was that tooth again ah right Bluetooth!

Hm. I wonder what website this image came from. Guess we'll never know. Anyway, imagine life in 2004 with a decked out Yaris: electric windows, a sunroof, Bluetooth and satnav, a wicked digidash... what else did you need? Hell, what else do you need today? Maybe a bit of space, but that was taken care of by the Yaris Verso that was introduced alongside it a couple years later! It married Toyota reliability and quality with a surprisingly spacious mini-MPV body style, with the only problem of being phantasmagorically ugly.

yeah. I don't think even in Japan you couldn't find one that looks decent.

Hm. I'm gonna need to sample the public on this one, but the fact that they call it Fun Cargo there may risk swaying me over.

They also did other fun things with the Mk1 Yaris in Japan, like calling it Vitz, giving it a turbo version because of COURSE, and making it one of Gran Turismo's most famous surprise win cars. You know how Gran Turismo has made many people, including some of y'all, fall in love with some cars? Yeah. I suspect it's done the opposite here. It is worth noting, here, that Gran Turismo random car prizes were not influenced by what cars you already had. Do you see where I am going with this.

Links in blue are posts of mine explaining the words in question - if you liked this post, you might like those!

[agent-troi]

Find Five Lines Tag

Thanks for the double tag @television-overload and @randomfoggytiger 🫶🫶

Rules: find any lines in your WIP that fit each parameter given by the person who tagged you. Then change one of the parameters and tag five or more people. Can be lines from multiple WIPs. If you can't find a line that fits, feel free to change the prompt.

Lol since I was tagged twice I got six prompts:

My lines: a line about family, a passionate line, a line expressing dread, a line expressing relief, a line that is screamed, a funny line

Your lines: a line about family, a passionate line, a line expressing anger, a line that is screamed, a funny line

For once I actually do have a WIP in the works (an AU where Scully is an astronaut, also a prequel to Purplerow by my friend @katy-kt-katie), progress on which got stalled when my apartment building burned down (long story) so we'll see if I can find a line for every prompt (some of them might be stretching it a bit but idc lol):

Family:

The colony had been established for research purposes, so the survivors consisted of some three hundred assorted biochemists, geologists, physicists, botanists, and the like, as well as their spouses and children— those few that had them, and also were able to convince them to uproot their lives and make a new home on another world. Ironically, they now had to do so yet again, although not by choice.

Passionate: (maybe not the kind of passion y'all had in mind but it's what i've got lmao)

Dana knelt to the ground to collect a soil sample. “It’s just that– we’re on Mars. We might find fossilized evidence of microscopic life today. I don’t wanna think about my problems with Ed. I wanna think about how much I love my job.”

Dread:

A skittering noise came from behind her. “Dana?” No sound but her heavy breathing in her ears. “Dana, are you still there?” She slowly turned around, hopping on one foot. “Dana? Dana!”

Relief: don't really have one for this and i'm too tired to dive through my other fics looking for one lol but i already had five different prompts so this was technically a bonus hehe

Screamed:

Dana looked down just in time to see a web of thin cracks spider outwards beneath her boots with an ominous crumbling sound. Before she could process what was happening, the ground gave way from under her and she cried out in alarm as she plunged down into a fathomless darkness.

Funny:

“Scully? Earth to Commander Scully, come in please!” Dana rolled her eyes. “That’s not funny, Monica.” A chuckle sounded over the other end of the comm system. “Sorry, Dana, I couldn’t help it. Seriously, though, are you okay? You kinda spaced out for a second there– no pun intended.” “Yeah, sorry, I was just thinking about Ed again. When did he start being such an ass? That was a rhetorical question,” she added before Monica could respond. “Being on this mission has not been good for his ego.” “His ego isn’t good for his ego. He wouldn’t even be on this mission at all if he wasn’t so good at his job, and everybody knows it. You could do so much better than him, you know that?”

Tagging @katy-kt-katie @tofuttim @doctorbeverlycrusher @keldabe-kriff @eighthprincessofheart @mollybecameanengineer and whoever else wants to do this bc i'm so late responding to this i'm sure everyone i know has been tagged already😂

[faejilly]

jilly's week in review?

I guess or something. Idek y'all, I was gonna try and do reviews but then I just rambled about what I did instead, so this is clearly gonna need a format revamp next week

anyway

READING

Finished Daughter of Witches

and also St. Peter's Fair, which I had started AGES ago and sort of lost track of, but I'm doing the January Challenge on TheStoryGraph and couldn't decide what to read next but needed to get my pages in, so I went digging for random shit and I have read it before and watched all the Cadfael mysteries so it's not like it was hard to get into to finish it so I could save my streak.😅

Read A House with Good Bones (on purpose from start to finish in one day!) because T. Kingfisher/Ursula Vernon is absofuckinglutely one of my favorites. (There's a thought here about my occasional forays into the horror genre, and how some horror is almost kind of cozy because it's about protecting what we love from what we fear, and that is very much a Kingfisher kind of thing, but that might need a new post and a more functional brain to figure out where I'm going with that.)

Listened to a little bit more of IT while doing housework; I'm not great at audio books except when I'm driving, but sometimes I can manage a little (and I didn't want to distract myself from dishes by picking up a new book instead). Stephen Weber is an excellent narrator btw, for anyone who's curious.

WATCHING

The husband was sick last week, and I was only sort of doing shit either, so he kind of just put the TV on and let it go and I definitely will not manage a nice list with links like I did with books. There was some M*A*S*H, (oh, I did finally watch the special that recently came out on Hulu), and RoboCop (largely because Thing 1 gave the husband the new game for Christmas) and several different Predator movies of various quality, and a bunch of other stuff I am not thinking of at the moment. I know I picked a couple and watched them myself but with everything else I can't remember what?

Also some Mythbusters when Thing 2 picked something to watch for awhile, which is pretty much always entertaining even when we're like: your sample size is nonexistent and just because you can't do it doesn't mean someone who knows what they're doing couldn't have done it so are you SURE you should have busted that? 😅

PLAYING

I got Garden Story for Christmas and got through the quest-lines and realized I was quite far away from all the upgrades, so I've been periodically poking at it and trying to get my villages/tools better before trying the Final Boss. I have had a good time with Concord though, it's fun, I'm just not sure the leveling functions, such as they are, are paced/balanced quite right? 😅 (Or perhaps I'm just Bad At Fighting In Cozy Games? This does seem to be a bit of a trend tbqh, probably why I liked Wylde Flowers' lack of combat so much.) I also have found VERY FEW of the memories/weird achievements so that's a thing I'm probably going to have to look up hints for soon-ish...

(I did finish Potion Permit last year, which is great, I recommend it whole-heartedly: the potion building mechanic is usually pretty solid, it has good characters, a nice aesthetic, I did actually mostly have fun rolling around and fighting things/gathering stuff, but I did reach the end of the main quest and then go... huh, is that it? just because it, yk, kept going after the finale but there didn't seem to be anything there beyond like, a couple personal quests that needed materials I couldn't unlock until the end.)

MORE ENTERTAININGLY I THINK, we did also play some board games

Paint The Roses is QUITE HARD with only two people even if you stick to the medium level whims; or maybe I'm just not that smart?!? We did in fact survive without getting our heads' chopped off by the Queen of Hearts, but we legit guessed the last two puzzles so. Dumb Luck™️ is not nearly as reliable as actually figuring out how to plot your plants better.

We did Escape the Dark Sector (with more people this time, tbf) on our first try though! That was pretty delightful. It is atmospheric and potentially almost deadly without feeling too awful at any point! Also I got to punch a tentacle monster!

Mice & Mystics can go dramatically bad if your dice aren't on your side and you do like, one stupid thing to compound that, and then if you're invested enough to start over you can suddenly realize you've been moving tiny plastic mice and bugs around the table for like four hours and still only got through the first chapter... but not regret it at all because you like your mice and are very proud of them for finally making it!

Can you tell we like co-op games? 🤣🤣🤣

(I did also do some rearranging so the game room was comfier, so like, win/win I adulted and played!)

THERE WAS NO WRITING OR CROSS-STITCHING OR PAINTING OR ANYTHING ELSE THIS WEEK, so uh. Clearly my balance of activities is bonkers and I should maybe get off the couch/game chair(s) a bit more often.

[randomvarious]

2 Unlimited - "Get Ready for This" 1991 Eurodance / Eurohouse / House

Yuuuuup. Outside of that nutty megamix that was literally called "The Jock Jam" that fused together pieces of, like, 30 jock jams in total, this 1991 debut single from Belgian-Dutch dance project 2 Unlimited is the king jock jam of all other jock jams. And what I've always found to be most baffling about this group in particular is that, despite them being maybe the most overplayed act in US history–thanks to their permanent residency on sports arena playlists for about three decades now—most Americans would never be able to recognize either member of 2 Unlimited if they saw them in public. And that's really kind of wild to think about, considering the fact that, basically since Elvis, the music industry has operated on this truism that you will always need a face to sell the music. But in the case of this group that was easily one of the single-most popular in the world during the early-to-mid-90s, that standard clearly didn't fully apply to 2 Unlimited in the US.

But it's not that they ever wanted it that way. It's just that MTV was very averse to letting dance music bleed out of their niche programming into their regular video rotations. So, when this song was out, the only place on TV that you really could've caught the video for it was on MTV's own Club MTV show.

So, with that in mind, over the next handful of days, I wanna revisit a bunch of the music videos that 2 Unlimited put out when they were huge, since Americans were hardly ever exposed to them in the first place. You don't have to love their music—not even I will ever cop to that much—but a lot of their videos were cool and fun, and each one was really a vibe unto itself.

But first, some good 2 Unlimited history!

2 Unlimited started as a partnership in 1991 between a pair of Belgian guys named Phil Wilde and Jean-Paul de Coster. In '89, they released a couple dance hits as Bizz Nizz that were particularly popular in the UK: "We're Gonna Catch You" and "Don't Miss the Party Line." But no amount of listening to those hits could've prepared you for what they would unleash just a couple years later as 2 Unlimited, with "Get Ready for This."

This silly raver banged against European club walls in 1991, as it catchily cycled through happily revved-up string synths and acid-dotted comedowns. And you could have some fun in attempting to replicate its lead melody too, by repeatedly scratching your nails across your very own beautifully multi-colored 90s nylon tracksuit, because that's what it kind of sounded like 😅.

But as 2 Unlimited at that point was only just a couple producers, outside of a pair of samples, including that of rapper The D.O.C.'s "It's Funky Enough" to get the iconic "y'all ready for this" line, the original version of this Euro-club hit was just an instrumental. And Wilde and de Coster knew that if they wanted to be a more popular act, and succeed in America, they would need to recruit a vocalist. So, they enlisted someone that they'd already had a relationship with: a Dutch MC named Ray Slijngaard, who had performed on a Bizz Nizz track that ended up going unreleased.

And this is where the overall trajectory of 2 Unlimited both suddenly and drastically changed. Wilde and de Coster gave Ray a tape of "Get Ready for This" for him to rap over, and when he came back to them with the finished product, there was unexpectedly a woman named Anita Doth singing on it too. And the contrasting dynamic between Ray's intense and inane Euro-rapping, and Anita's soothing singing that managed to relieve all the residual tension that he had built up, showed Wilde and de Coster a vision from Ray that they hadn't seemed to seriously entertain before: that 2 Unlimited could have more than one star vocalist; and they could also be of different genders.

And that moment is when the floodgates opened. This new vocal version of "Get Ready for This" would make its way Stateside, and by September of 1992, it would finally enter the Billboard Hot 100. Then, the following month, its corresponding album, Get Ready, would reach its peak position on the Billboard 200 at the 197th spot, which is definitely very low, but through the years, as countless Americans would continuously be exposed to "Get Ready for This" by way of their local tastemaking sports arena playlist compiler, the album would eventually achieve gold status, and the single would reach its #38 peak by April of 1995 as well. And perhaps the song's biggest point of American pride: it also served as the anchor track to open that aforementioned "Jock Jam" megamix!

So, now the video, which was a pretty electric one, as the cameraperson kept employing frantic and jostling zoom-ins and zoom-outs that transmitted a feeling of chaos while Ray and Anita danced and took turns playing the nearby synthesizer. And I'm also not sure exactly how 2 Unlimited became a fixture of seemingly every sports arena in the US, but maybe the very weird Los Angeles Kings visor that Ray was rocking here encouraged it. You have to remember that, because Wayne Gretzky was on the team, the Kings were one of hockey's biggest spectacles back then, and maybe Ray's donning of that...hat...was 2 Unlimited's way of trying to get the NHL's attention? 🤔

Anyway, the number of times that I've heard at least a snippet of "Get Ready for This" in my lifetime probably numbers somewhere in the quadruple digits by now, so, naturally, at this point, I've become pretty unflinchingly numb to it; but watching this music video for it really has me hype for this song in a way that I haven't been in an extremely long time, which should tell you just how enjoyable it is! 🤩

Yeah!

More fun videos here.

[lowkeyclueless5137]

So uhhhh how about a My little pony AU like for example Riddle and Sliver a unicorn, Idia and Ortho could be pegasus, and uhhh Trey and Epel are Earth ponies etc. not sure how it work for beastmen or merfolk. Maybe the merfolk could be sea ponies or uhh close? I know Malleus is obviously a dragon. Wonder how it work for the rest uhhhhh I’ll let you and your writer magic take the rest of it :|

Hmmm... Me thinking :'3

I wouldn't say to have them be ponies 100%, but I would go with an even mix in between MLP and their spinoff: Equestria Girls.

And BOI do I have sum history made up to tell y'all :'3

Imagine hoomans, but there are some glaring differences. Every being has magic to it, but there is a difference in how it manifests.

There are normal people, who can't really do magic or fly, but they were great at just doing things. They were hardworking and had a knack for industrial works. Unlike others, they could work and make the most and best products/services out of anyone. You cannot beat them at all in this category.

You have people who had wings and could rest on clouds. The magic in them allowed them to drag on clouds, and many more, hence most resided in skies, in moving cloud cities.

There are mers, who usually are more retreated and rarely you see one trying to make amends with anyone from the surface.

Beastpeople, who usually live in much more retreated places. They are pretty much the same :'3

There are the magical folks, who can do magic and as such a bit rare. They are more of an intelectual people and most times very retreated.

You also have the changelings, who can take on any other being's form. Many were destroyed upon a great war and frowned upon, knowing how they feast on others's magic, so most are currently in hiding and you wouldn't know what they are until they change in front of you.

You have the crystal people, hoomans that are made out of crystal and their vital energy revolves around the heart of the kingdom they are in. Without it, the crystal people would grow weak and die easily.

You have the dragon people, feared amongst others and powerful, with their fire breathing and prideful tendencies, they are one hell of a ride to negotiate with.

And finally, the royal blood. Those who have such powerful magical energy that they can do extremely intricate spells, while also having the ability to fly. Their wings are a piece of art in themselves and they rule kingdoms/Queendoms, for the sole motive that they provide protection to the people and prosperity by using their magic for the better of their people.

Of course, in early history, you had a great separation. Everyone didn't want to cooperate at all. Finally, upon a great calamity and the rising threat of the changelings, the magicians, normals and winged people banded together, with the help of 1 Royal blood, banishing the changelings into the tartarus. They were helped by 1 changeling, who pledged their loyalty to the royal, in hopes of living a quiet, peaceful life with their family.

As such, upon the destruction of the queen, that changeling was crowned by the royal blood as the new ruler, or more like a guard of tartarus, where the changelings reside and started to settle in, unlike their previous nomad tendencies. This is how the Shroud bloodline came to be. Their firehair was a sample as they were 'blessed' by the royal blood to never need to feed from other people's magic.

Following that, states started to form. There were a lot of upcoming wars, followed by alliances made with the sole purpose of respecting the goddamn border. Many royal bloods also came to light, assigned as protectors of the respective states at that time, the states themselves being governed by councils of the elders.

Except that because of this, people realised just how easy was to get a state-strike and gain control. The royal blood couldn't do anything about a change of ruler if it was from within the kingdom. So you can imagine that people were all going in civil wars in which the royal blood had no way to act, as the rules upon the peace agreements stated that the royal blood can only intervent in the case of external threats.

The first settlement was when a royal blood in the Queendom of roses finally came to power and wiped the whole state in shape. Seeing this and fearing a possible revolution, the other states exiled their royal bloods, who took refugee in the roses queendom.

More wars, civil conflicts and many unifications and separations before finally a few states accepted to be overtaken under the roses queendom's governing, having a royal blood assigned as governor and protector. As such those states finally had some peace and quiet.

During those times, Sage Island became a neutral ground, where schools, hospitals and markets flourished. 2 schools in particular:NRC and RSA were the top schools, mostly for their inclusion and protection of the children during those though times. Many came out to have new ideologies, different from the ones of the war, as such, the young were the ones who tried to push on the peace option.

Except that this formula couldn't go too much, for many decided to not be under the Queendom's governing and rather an independent state. A lot of documents, some wars and very much tension, but in the end, the said states did gain independence.

The most recent and marking war was from the kingdom of dawn and the thorn valley dragon kingdom. Both main rulers were lost and only the prince of thorn valley was left alive, as such people realised that he was both a royal blood and a dragon, which made him the more feared and admired, many thinking it was a revolutionary change for the history.

Now cut forward to present: people developed talents, who manifested as marks on their bodies. Talents indicate when 1's magic energy is at it's highest point. It can vary from reading to constructing, to fighting and many more.

NRC and RSA are 2 prestigious schools, where only the best of the best attended.

You have 7 dorms, based on our beloved great 7.

Heartslabyul, who has Riddle, a flying human as a Dormhead, markless and very strict. His vice, Trey is a normal human with a knack for baking, hence his marks usually spread on his hands and arms, depicting baking motifs.

Other Heartslabyul members would be Cater, a magic user who has a mark, but no one saw it. Most assume his talent is social media managing and he didn't want to influence his work in that field by showing it. There's also Ace and Deuce, 2 markless first years. Ace is a flying human while Deuce is the magic one. They often get into arguments, but there's always someone to break them up.

Savanaclaw, who has Leona as a dormleader. Many in here are Beastmen, so little to no changes are done to our trio.

Octavinelle, same story, except Azul's human form happens to be a magic human while the twins have wings. So bad 2 are terrified of heights and 1 has a very hard time flying. :'3

Scarabia has Kalim, a flying prodigy, coming from the Asim royal bloodline. Jamil is a normal human and right hand man to Kalim.

Poemfiore has Vil as a normal human, great actor and worldwide model. Then you have Rook, a flying human who is terrifyingly good at hunting and Epel as a normal farmboi who doesn't want anything to do with the pretty sparkly dorm. :'3

Ignihyde has the ever so exclusive Idia as a Dormhead. No one knows anything about him, only that his robot brother is doing sometimes errands for him. Many say he's a prodigy in technology, so they assume that would be Idia's talent.

And then Diasomnia, the dorm feared by the mere presence of Malleus Draconia, the Dormhead. His assistant, a dragon human named Lilia, is his vice, while the the flying human silver and the flying/Beastman Sebek are his loyal bodyguards.

And that would probably be all :D

[kanos-blorbos-archive]

Hi hi hi hi hi I NEED NEED to tell you something that came out of a conversation with my dear worldbuilder friend omg omg so it's about Exp in the reincarnation AU ok ok

As a prologue I need to tell y'all a few things because I haven't drawn in a while the older Exp but basically in a design I made a good while ago (mid/end 2020) Exp in his older age lacks both legs, plus a whole hand (promptly substituted with a fine prostethic) and three fingers on the other hand (those too promptly substituted with a fine prostethic) but the point now is that he lost the other leg and we specifically talked about how!!

So so basically in that AU Exp is back from a planet full of dragons and both directly and stringing from his son's DNA he got a few samples of dragon genes that he wanted to put to the use to create a whole dragon, WELL, he did create something akin to a dragon, a 4 meters tall winged reptiloid, and well hm, Exp has an habit, especially with newer creatures, to directly go into their enclosures to feed them, confident in his fake immortality and electric stick (think of like a really long taser thingy I'll give details on another post ig)

ALRIGHT SO his own confidence wasn't enough to save him this time because once DG9 inevitably bit him, it didn't just bite rip and run, which would have gotten exp a time window to crawl out of the enclosure, it bit and held there, trying to figure out basically how to eat the man whole, and the second that he was on the ground and couldn't get away Exp, for the very first time in 60 years, felt a gut wrenching, nerve-wracking fear and instinctively just screamed for help

Fortunately for him (but not humanity) as soon as Jacob Jr heard (very soon btw the boy has some veery good reflexes) he came to the rescue, and that was the first and probably only time that Jacob Jr willing hurt an animal or animal-like thing and especially the only time Jacob Jr somewhat struggled in a strength feat, because even though his species is designed to be dragon killers first of all, though she comes close, not even the prime example of hybrid can take down an entire dragon by herself, secondly, he had to use only one hand to keep DG9 down, even though it isn't quite a dragon, he was pulling Exp's leg away with one hand and pushing the mutant away with the other, which eventually worked because he managed to just rip his father off, ripping the entire leg off in the process, all before he lost too much blood as well

Thing is that Exp found himself for the first time being completely and utterly scared, terrified even, and neither William or Jacob have ever heard him scream in absolute fear, and especially Exp never ever did question his own mortality like in this moment, he came back to his own normal little later while they were closing up his leg and making sure he wouldn't die of bloodloss, but for sure Mr Jacob im-basically-a-god Lawson got a taste of mortality and he for sure isn't going to forget about it, and of course brag about it for showing off his creation

Oh btw in the Lawson household opinions on whether Jacob Jr should have let DG9 eat Exp, Jacob Jr of course thinks he did the right thing because it's ofc his dad and even though he knows he's a war criminal, he's also a pretty darn good dad, William has very mixed opinions on the fact, because he knows for a certain humanity could use one Dr Exp less but also he would've kinda felt bad, 11D straight up told Jacob Jr he should've let DG9 eat Exp because the world doesn't really need him

Aaaand that's it folks! I thought it was pretty good to show this to y'all because I love it, BYEEEE

[numetalpuppygirl]

what i'm listening to 6/8/2023 (song notes under cut)

spot. link//yt link

Laura Les - Haunted: haunted. by laura les.

Death Grips - Hacker: nothing super unique to say about it other than that it's genuinely just one of the best songs. like probably ever. we know this

Limp Bizkit - Clunk: smiles. it's me. clunk is nowhere near my favorite song on three dollar bill y'all but it's like. the best of the bad songs. it never could have been a single bc it doesn't have the strength and the hook is wimpy as fuck but i have fun with it :) i like the part where fred says clunk a bunch of times and i like the breakdown :) come closer i am normal about this album

Ada Rook - TRU U (Live at ELECTROPUNKz 2023): ah, rook's performance at electropunkz. another thing that i am normal about. i believe i've professed my love for the album this song is from before, so i'll save that ramble, but i had a lot of fun with the live ep here. and tru u is such a fucking banger i love every second of it, from the silly anime sample at the beginning to the little pause in the last chorus where the word "death" intrudes. i've said before: ada rook makes the music that i wish i made. this remains true

Danny Burstein & Jessica Hecht - Do You Love Me?: i've had Theatre on the Brain for the past week or so, which led me to listen to the soundtrack to a show that my high school did (although i didn't work on that show myself, i knew people who did). fiddler on the roof is a good show imo, and while i don't really feel qualified to talk about some of the more complex subject matter of a lot of the play, this song is relatively accessible and also drives me a little crazy. i just can't get over the careful, straight-faced profession of love between two characters who never considered before that their marriage might be anything more than a practical and social necessity. it's a tribute to the fact that sometimes love is unglamorous, sometimes it's really as bland as spending all your time with someone just because they're there and while that might not be the fairy tale we all like to imagine, it doesn't make the love worthless. tevye and golde SAY that it doesn't change a thing, but i don't think we're meant to believe them. it doesn't change their often grim material lives and daily realities, true, but i like to think that knowing there's love between them will make the rest of their days just that tiny bit sweeter. i'm so normal about this

Nirvana - Pennyroyal Tea (Live on MTV Unplugged): links to this post. it's just so crazy to me. we had five or so years of kurt cobain screeching the most agonized poetry the music industry has ever seen, cutting through the bullshit of shiny happy pop music and voicing the blood and death and sickness of an entire generation, and now they're just remembered as that one old band who did the song you hear people playing at guitar center. i command of you. actually really listen to this band, take the time to go through some deep cuts, listen to the weird little eps and bonus tracks and shit. there's so much to uncover. this song came on shuffle at one point and i just was floored by it all once again, so it's here as representative of the sentiment

Cab Calloway - St. James' Infirmary: i've been obsessed with an old betty boop cartoon that features this song, which i put in the youtube playlist. you might have seen a clip from it making some rounds on tumblr, but the full thing is worth a watch. cab calloway was known for his flamboyant performances, but all that energy takes on kind of a dark, unsettling tone when placed in the context of the moderately-fucked-up cartoon. good stuff

Billy Joel - Movin' Out (Anthony's Song): i've never been much of a billy joel fan but i've felt the need to explore more of his stuff after getting into this one. it came on the radio in the car and i was on an easygoing road so i got the chance to really LISTEN to it, y'know. like i've probably heard it in passing a million times, and my dad and i would always make fun of the "heart atTACK ACK ACK ACK ACK" part, but when i really listened to it... it's a damn good song! got that earnest, heart-aching singer-songwriter realness. who knew!

Skee-Lo - I Wish: TWO new todd videos since the last WILT, so you know that shit is making an appearance. i genuinely really love this song, i think it's so fun and creative with an *amazing* sample, i kinda wish skee-lo had gotten a little better than he did. you should follow my nu metal tournament blog, because i'm gonna put a bunch of other non-nu metal polls up when the bracket's done, and skee-lo is gonna make an appearance. i need more skee-lo warriors, basically. that rabbit in a hat thing is bullshit though

Caravan - The Dog, The Dog, He's At It Again: this is a find from charlotte charlottan's "Intro to Prog" playlist that i immediately fell in love with. it's so floaty and lovely, while managing to both gesture towards a wide variety of themes AND be catchy as all hell. it's good song, basically. i know nothing about caravan so that's basically it, but it's even got dog in the title :V

Parkway Drive - Boneyards (Live): it doesn't technically count as a repeat bc this is the live version!!!! i just love this shit so much. relistening to horizons after having not heard it for so long was such a breath of fresh air (this was like 3 months ago and i'm still talking about it lmao). i love the big stupid breakdown so much, boneyards has nearly permanently entered my rotation of songs to imagine myself performing. i also just love to imagine like. picture going to some punk or metal festival around the time horizons came out, and parkway is there, and your buddy is like yooo come on we GOTTA see these guys they fuckin kill live. and you're maybe not really familiar with them but you figure it's worth checking out. and they play this song and you're like damn yeah this is pretty good. and then the fucking breakdown happens!!!!!! i feel like you'd just be standing there and realize wow. i'm going to die in this pit. and that's really the feeling i'm pining for

Scatman John - Scatman's World: now some of you in the crowd may be familiar with our friend the scatman.... i've personally had my eyes opened to a whole slew of scatman hits that i never even knew about thanks to the enthusiasm of local scatman expert violet gec (hi violet!!!!!) and although this particular track is one i already knew of, i expect a lot of you might not know it. go ahead and take a step into scatman's world, baby! it's a beautiful place! and also the song will get stuck in your head despite your inability to mimic the sounds he makes!

underscores - Count of three (You can eat $#@!): i'm a pretty casual underscores fan, i just know songs here and there, but i do really like what i hear. count of three is SUCH an earworm, and i love a good "fuck you" song when it's done correctly. i also just appreciate the quality of the censoring job in the title. it's not perfect but there's effort... a lot of people just pick four random characters but here, $ obviously looks like S, # is similar to H, and so on. these are the kinds of things i think about

Bring Me The Horizon - AmEN!: continuing to ask the question of "what the hell are these guys doing ever and why does it sound good." first of all, we have to address the lil uzi feature. that makes... two? i think it's just two fuckin international pop stars that bmth have collaborated with. i mean, i know uzi is a rapper but considering rap's dominance in the pop sphere and their sheer popularity, i think i'm justified in calling a pop rapper a pop star. it's been said to death, but it's just crazy that these guys have become one of the biggest rock acts around considering where they started. as for the song itself, it's not like... my favorite? but it's cool, it's catchy. i don't find their lyrics nearly as impactful now as i did when 1. i was younger and 2. they wrote about suicide and nihilism and shit all the time. i guess the themes are still dark but it all just kinda washes over me now. i'm just here for the heavy heavy and the big chorus, and that's what i got. so i'm happy :)

Everclear - I Will Buy You A New LIfe: as you may have seen, i had a big sappy emotional moment for a few days at the end of last month, and that had me returning to my roots. post-grunge. a genre with no shortage of lame pop rock relationship tunes, including this one. i even made a playlist of sappy songs, of which this was one. i just like the idea of pledging all these expensive things to someone you love, but doing it as kind of a joke. like the sentiment is real, but you both know that's never gonna happen, because all you really have to offer is yourself. and hopefully that's enough. it's like if two princes by the spin doctors was less fun. i fuck with it mildly

Third Eye Blind - Jumper: that's right folks. not one, but TWO mellow and corny 90s rock tunes. i have nothing to say about this song other than that it's pretty good and, more importantly, you should watch the most recent trainwreckords video (told you we'd get both todd videos in here). i've even conveniently included that very video in the youtube playlist :) DO IT

Kesha - Eat The Acid: i listened to and enjoyed the new kesha album, but this single was definitely the song that stuck in my mind above all the others. it just made such an impression. even in her current era, i don't think i or anyone else expecting... this. it's very psychedelic, and while it doesn't completely deviate from pop by any means, i think it's a pretty bold step for her and i hope it pays dividends. i would be 100% down for more strange experimental kesha, i wanna see where this goes

Tina Turner - What's Love Got to Do with It: tina turner is featured on two WILTS in a row... if only the circumstances weren't so unfortunate. as i'm sure i said last time, she was a fantastic vocalist, and her biggest hit here gave her the space to really holler. i thought it was fitting as well to put this song right next to eat the acid, as both are the returning singles of women finally casting themselves free (or at least attempting to) of the figures that tied them down and abused them in the music industry. What's Love might reek of the 80s, but it's the good 80s. and for the record, i went back and listened to the full album and found a lot to like about it. RIP to a legend, for real

Roxy Radclyffe - YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE ME: another song whose presence is moreso indicative of a broader listening trend. i've been really interested in this artist's work recently, although i haven't had the opportunity to really dive headfirst in yet. i discovered her through a rym/bandcamp rabbit hole and was fascinated by the quanitity of projects she has running. i would recommend checking out her neocities and poking around, i've found some interesting stuff so far. definitely the kind of thing i think my crowd of oddballs on tumblr dot com could enjoy

[cksmart-world]

SMART BOMB

The Completely Unnecessary News Analysis

By Christopher Smart

April 9, 2024

LOOKOUT — EARTHQUAKES, ECLIPSES, SIGNS FROM GOD

Marjorie Taylor Green has a message for all of America: God is watching. Y'all better repent, the Georgia MAGA star warned. We got earthquakes and eclipses and all kinds of stuff and there's gonna be an Apocalypse if Donald Trump is not elected. Yikes, this is serious. As you may recall, MTG compared Trump to Jesus because like Christ he is being persecuted by a dastardly government. That's bad. It's lucky we've got MTG around. She also pulled the covers back on “Nancy Pelosi’s gazpacho police,” that use cold soup against her enemies. They're practically as bad as Hitler's Gestapo. “She’s a traitor to our country, she’s guilty of treason,” MTG said of the former speaker of the house. “And it’s a crime punishable by death is what treason is.” The Georgia firebrand has knowledge of myriad concerns of the day. She came out strongly against “fake meat” that is grown in “peach tree dishes.” It's all some kind of dietary conspiracy to change the DNA of children and turn them into Democrats. When Marjorie Taylor Greene speaks, people listen. Now she's got Speaker Mike Johnson in her crosshairs because he staved off a government shutdown by cooperating with Democrats and there is no sin worse than that. Those eclipses and earthquakes aren't foolin' around.

DAYLIGHT-SAVING-TIME ON THE MOON?

If you think switching to Daylight Saving Time is hard here on Earth, think what it will be like on the moon. That's right, U.S. scientists will soon assign the moon it's very own time. In the future when we colonize it, people up there won't want to go on Earth time because it could screw everything up. A day on Earth is 24 hours. A day on the moon is 29.5 Earth days. No Wilson, we are not making this up. Golfers on the moon might like it, but if you suffer from season affective disorder (SAD) you could get messed up. Talk about depressing. Put another way; during any given day on the moon, it will be daylight for about two Earth weeks and then dark for about two Earth weeks. Greenwich Mean Time — which is our standard based on the Greenwich Meridian in London — could get confusing on the moon. On the other hand, English astronauts might throw a wobbly if they could only take tea once every fortnight. New terms would have to be invented for life on the moon. For example what would, “pack a lunch” mean. Pack 14 lunches? Would, “see you tomorrow,” mean see you in two weeks? What about, “take the rest of the day off.” The four-day work week? It gives the Theory of Relativity a very weird feel. Where is Einstein when you need him.

NASTY EMAILS: BASEBALL STRIKES OUT IN CITY OF SALT

The staff here at Smart Bomb put together an investigative unit to get to the bottom of the plan to bring the Bigs to the City of Salt. Along the way a raft of emails came into their possession. Here is a sample:

Councilman #1: We're getting hosed. The mayor is getting sucked in. She should play hardball — no pun intended.

Councilman # 2: She's playing patty-cake with those vipers. They could turn around and bite us right in the situation.

Councilman #1: This is starting to feel like some kind of shell game. One team goes here; one team goes there; nothing up their sleeve; and then the pea disappears.

Councilman #2: And we're left holding an empty bag and the tax increment turns into tiger butter.

Councilman #1: Don't look at the man behind the curtain.

Councilman #2: I'm starting to feel like the Palestinians. What about the Geneva Conventions and everything.

Councilman #1: We're outgunned. They've got the Republicans and the developers.

Councilman #2: A distinction without a difference.

Councilman #1: I saw Willy Mayes hit a home run at Dirk's Field when was 9.

Councilman #2: How did this happen. We just got thrown out of the game.

Post script — That'll do it for another week of springtime in the Rockies where we keep track of freedom of the press so you don't have to. Old saw: Freedom of the press belongs to those who own one. Matthew Prince is a billionaire who moved to Park City recently and bought the town's historic newspaper, The Park Record. He also bought land on a hill overlooking Old Town Park City and proposed building a very big house there. When neighbors objected to the McMansion, Price sued them and then wrote a screed in his very own newspaper explaining how dumb Park City government is. Call it freedom of the press. From our “truth-telling” file, this: Rep. Mike Turner, R- Ohio, is complaining that his GOP colleagues are parroting Russian propaganda regarding Putin's war in Ukraine, saying it's all about NATO — which is... well, propaganda. Mike McCaul, R-Texas, added that Russian propaganda had “infected” the Republican Party’s base. What a surprise. No secret, Donald Trump doesn't want to fund Ukraine and is buddies with Russian dictator Vladimir Putin. Meanwhile, Trump said he knows how to end the War — just give Crimea and Donbas to Putin and call it good. See, that wasn't so difficult, was it?

Well Wilson, bad omens abound. We got eclipses, earthquakes, blizzard and floods. It's not that we want to focus only on the negative but when the sun goes out, what can you do. The eclipse won't last long but what it foretells might. So get the guys in the band to put down their moon rocks and take us out with an anthem for the times:

I see the bad moon a-rising I see trouble on the way I see earthquakes and lightning I see bad times today Don't go around tonight Well, it's bound to take your life There's a bad moon on the rise I hear hurricanes a-blowing I know the end is coming soon I fear rivers overflowing I hear the voice of rage and ruin Don't go around tonight Well, it's bound to take your life There's a bad moon on the rise Hope you got your things together Hope you are quite prepared to die Looks like we're in for nasty weather One eye is taken for an eye Well, don't go around tonight Well, it's bound to take your life There's a bad moon on the rise

(Bad Moon On The Rise — Credence Clearwater Revival)

[icanseethefuture333]

your tarot reading for olivia and taylor was honestly disappointing to read, it's very obvious that you are biased negatively towards olivia... i mean, she was 17 when it happened after years of idolising her favourite singer... you're not a reliable reader, you let your bias show so strongly. really disappointing and low

If y'all don't get out my damn inbox with this shit. IDGAF! I've been nice and I clarified the first time, but now I am pissed off. If you wanna be bold and slander my character, then come off anon and do it. I have been doing readings since I was 17. That's 5 years of practice!!! The anon asked a question and I did the reading, plain and simple. If you have such a problem with it then take it up with them. It is so convenient for people to attack tarot readers when they are literally bending over backwards everyday to entertain your ungrateful asses with little to no pay. From PACs to personal free readings to celebrity readings, etc, but you think that these two people, out of multiple other celebrities that I have asks for, that I still need to do - You think I have time to be "biased"??? The fucking audacity. I'm gonna say this one time and one time only. I am not a fan of Taylor or Olivia. I don't care what they do and I don't follow them. Check my tags. Check my blog. Neither of them, are going to be present here. Even if I am not their supporter, does not mean I would slander their character. In the reading I did not take sides. If anyone had something stolen from their art and received justice, I am obviously going to say "good for them", regardless of who it is. I didn't even listen to either of the songs till recently! My opinion or your opinion doesn't matter. Taylor won the court case and got credited on "Deja Vu". This isn't just a fued, it's legality. Some people think they sound similar, others do not, but at the end of the day there are people who work in that industry that can tell what sample, beat, or melody that needs to be given credit for. You can also be mad at the judge for being in favor of Taylor, idk maybe they were a swiftie 🤷🏽‍♀️.

Also anon, you're literally a liar and got your facts wrong. "Deja Vu" came out April 2021 and Olivia was 18 years old, not 17. Her birthday is in February, so that made the release 2 months after her 18th birthday. When you are in business and you sign a contract, also writing music, that is your responsibility to make sure things are credited. I even said that it was sad what Olivia and Taylor went through in the reading, so unless you lack reading comprehension, that is not my issue. Even though I felt bad, I am also going to criticize her on lack of ability to give credit because she's an adult! She is not a child. (Also I am two years older than her... so what was the goal of you bringing up her age anyways? 💀)

What comes out in the cards, is what fucking comes out. Period. Even if I am asked about celebrities I don't care for, that I have no interest in, or strongly dislike, I answer the question with grace but I also will not sugarcoat things for anybody. Every reading I do is purely for entertainment and if you are not being entertained, then you don't have to like it. It doesn't resonate with you and that is fine. My job is to interpret the messages that come through. It's literally nothing set in stone, but if you're gonna be this butt hurt at people - when these people don't even know your existence, then I got news for you, your life is gonna be really hard for you out in the real world. Get out your feelings and stop disrespecting people in defense of your celebrities who wouldn't even bat an eyelash at any this, GROW UP! Fans and their parasocial relationships with celebrities is so toxic its ridiculous. I am not a perfect person but don't treat me like shit and accuse me of being biased or say I am "unreliable", when there are awful tarot readers out there who don't show what cards they use, don't even shuffle on camera, invasively dive into people's traumas, sexualize minors, and more, but you're pressed about a reading of a court case that happened this year. Whatever, anon, go find peace and stop disturbing mine.

[animusiem]

Billboard USA Exclusion Zone Episode 20 ++ (09/02/2023)

I'm so sorry for taking another three weeks break. I was supposed to review the Travis Scott album bomb, but I really can't do album bomb week I'll be honest with you. Therefore, I'm going to limit the album bomb for at least the two highest charting songs on the album. And just for this episode, I'm gonna combined this week and the week before because I think it's at least interesting enough to talk about. No number on the chart this time so let's go on with it.

----------------------------------------------------------

"Bad Idea Right?" by Olivia Rodrigo

When the songlists from Olivia's sophomore album came out I was like "oh god she's getting too cathy with it." Well with this song I was wrong. There's a lot of witty and clever lines with the attitude of your average Gen Z that could fit in the 90's very well. I love the guitar solo too.

"MI EX TENIA RAZON" by Karol G

It's nice that we have a lot of variety in the latin music scene nowadays that we get a cumbia song by the biggest female latin pop singer still working today. Love the nods for Selena. May she rest in peace.

"QLONA" by Karol G ft. Peso Pluma

This is probably the best Peso Pluma has sounded. Who knew that when you have the best reggaeton producer working today Ovy On The Drum that you would mixed better and sounded better than any of your songs.

"Holanda" by Jhayco

Fun fact: the Dutch government has phased out the usage of Holland when calling the country Netherlands because they want other tourists to visit the other provinces. Anyways this song is alright.

"Fast Forward" by JEON SOMI

I think with how absent US is in this chart, we'll get more songs from countries and languages that I didn't listened to as much or wouldn't expect to find. Now with Kpop it's a bit different since Billboard added Melon (A South Korean music app), which means we'll get a lot of kpop songs from less well known act. Like JEON SOMI with her house influenced song that sounded not out of place from late 2019 house.

"Automotivo Bibi Fogosa" by Bibi Babydoll, Dj Brunin XM, KZA Produções

You know...it's a matter of time that the gigachad meme would be sampled...but as a Brazilian Funk song????? That's new.

"Fast Car" by Luke Combs

I think Luke Combs really filled out the space that Hootie & The Blowfish used to occupy but did it better. I think him doesn't care about charting hits is what I love about this guy. Listen to "Doin' This" y'all after you got introduced by him from this cover.

"With You" by AP Dhillon

So apparently there's too many trends happening all at once that the trend of Punjabi music from Canadian artists just flew me by and I can say that I like this trend. I grew up with a lot of Indian movies and idk something about this song really screamed modern while the vocal melody exude tradition.

"Prada" by casso ft. RAYE & D-Block Europe

This is actually my first full listen to D-Block Europe but I can tell that they don't fit in this song. Though this song is kinda hollow.

"Heeriye" by Arijit Singh, Dulquer Salmaan, Jasleen Royal

You know how I said about "With You" that the song sounds like a modern reinterpretation of an Indian movie soundtrack? Well this is like almost the exact same thing but it's actually from an Indian movies. Modern production still works within the context of Bollywood movies.

"Better Things" by aespa

The next three songs are kpop songs with some degree of intrigued. We'll start with the least intriguing one with a new song by aespa. All I can describe from this song is that it's clunky and for aespa that marketed itself with bombastic grandiose stuff, this song just doesn't do it for me.

"Killin' Me Good" by JIHYO

You know, when you are the leader of TWICE, I thought that there's more fan fare for this song. But alas this is not as successful as some people thought. Kinda unfortunate because this song slaps so hard.

"KIDDING" by ISEGYE IDOL

This is the sole reason I'm back making this episode because this is kinda momentus. This is the first time a vtuber idol group have ever charted in any Billboard chart...I think ever? Tbh separate the fact that the singers here are all vtubers...this song is just a standard Gen 3 kpop idol songs but with more higher pitch because kawaii?

"ITALODISCO" by The Kolors

Yeah this song is definitely an homage to italodisco...what I wanna to add here?

I highly recommend everyone to listen to these songs!

[transfennecbuddy]

HI HI HI HELLO I have a THING! That I want to show y'all! HEHEHEHEHEHE I have another rant!! I shall hide it behind the read more thing but yeah!!! Hehe rant!!

(Also! Legal disclaimer! [Not really but same vibe.] This rant is about a super fancy snazzy spiffy science thing [CRISPR] but I'm not a science professional! I'm just doing a school project on this! This is what I got from YouTube videos and websites and such, yeah? If I get things wrong, that's why!)

Hi hi hi so you came to see my rant huh? Huh huh huh? Well I shall show you hehehe!

Have you heard of a thing called CRISPR? I'm gonna assume that you haven't so that I can explain!! It's a gene editing tool that uses a protein called Cas9, which is commonly found in bacteria! You see, bacteria have been using this fancy thing all along for ages! Like whenever bacteria get attacked by a virus (which happens a lot) and that virus is new to it, it doesn't really have a fancy defense mechanism to protect itself. But if it survives the attack, then it takes a bit of the virus's DNA and saves it in a section of its own DNA using Cas9. And then if it gets attacked by that virus again, it'll check the virus's DNA against the samples it has in storage, recognize the DNA, and make pieces of RNA to attack the virus right at its DNA!

Cool, huh? Well scientists found about this lil whizzy thing called Cas9 a while ago and were pretty excited, for good reason. With CRISPR, we can not only edit the DNA of creatures that haven't been born yet but also creatures that are very well and living which can pave the way to treatments for genetic diseases!! Plus it's much cheaper than it cost to do genetic stuff the old way!!! (As in, some folks are trying to get laypeople to try out CRISPR on themselves, and their main struggle is with convincing people to do it cause the cost isn't that big of a factor!) We already have GMOs like the Flavr Savr tomato (which takes longer to rot on store shelves thanks to being genetically modified). If CRISPR is safe (which folks are still trying to work on since there's still so much about genetics that scientists don't know and messing with folks' genomes can lead to unintended consequences [also fun fact: the word consequences is used colloquially to mean a bad effect of something, but in stuff like psychology, it just means an effect of something!!]), then it can be super awesome!

I learned about this lil thing back in... I think 2018? I watched a Kurzgesagt video on it a few years ago at least, and I rediscovered the vid during the pandemic while everyone and everything was shut down and there wasn't much to do during the summer other than sit on the couch and watch TV. And like, I LOVED that video when I first watched it?? I watched it multiple times and I even forced (read: persuaded/begged) my parents to watch it too. And I still love hearing about CRISPR and genetic engineering and genetics in general now because of that (and it's impressed at least two important people in my life so I consider it a success!). Like when we touched briefly on CRISPR in my biology class last year, I was SUPER excited in the back of the classroom because it was CRISPR!! One of my childhood interests that has significantly influenced my life!!

So when we had to do a project on new science in my physics class this year (for... reasons), I immediately looked up new stuff going on with CRISPR within the last couple years. AND TURNS OUT! FOLKS HAVE MADE A CRISPR 3.0 NOW! Like I didn't even get to hear about CRISPR 2.0, it was just straight to CRISPR 3.0!! And hopefully CRISPR 3.0 is safer, more effective, and easier to use than the original version of CRISPR.

ALSO! CRISPR IS BEING TRIED OUT TO HELP FAMILIAL HYPERCHOLESTEROLEMIA(high cholesterol risk passed down genetically)!! THAT'S SO COOL!!! AND IT'S BEING TESTED ON PEOPLE NOW! I will literally SCREAM this is so cool!!

So yes! I'm having a fun time, hehe. And I'm writing this instead of actually working on my project, but that's cause it's helping me put together my thoughts! Totally not because I'm just too excited to work on it without being able to gush to someone about it (/sarcasm), lol.

[frosted-night]

Do you have any headcanons for cast as humans? I mean as a human au. (If this is too big of an ask thats fine)

BOY DO I

Let me just get my tome out n read y'all the lore I've made for no reason.

Jack

Left home after graduating to join a caravan and traveled across the country. He came back home after his parent's sudden deaths. He didn't want to leave his brother to deal with the estate by himself.

He still has his van from his adventures and he wants to paint it again to symbolize his new phase in life. It still has living accomdations inside it and Jack has little desire to change it.

He has a few tattoos, such as a hurricane symbol on his neck and a snowflake above one of his ankles. Jack also has a few ear piercings he did himself and he's surprisingly good at it.

If Jack isn't driving he travels by longboard. He had a skater boy phase but it payed off since he can still do a few tricks here and there.

(Sometimes I see human Jack either as cis or trans. It depends on how im feeling. A trans Human Jack post will be seperate from this one)

He's a skilled forager and grower since he had to do that as his years as a nomad. Jack wouldn't claim he's as skilled as Aster but he can be a runner up behind him.

Jack never had a solid relationship on the road. It was very fleeting feelings but he didn't seem to mind. Settling back down at his hometown had reawakened some buried feelings though.

He's fairly well known in his hometown for being a mischievous bastard in his teen years and his past with playing on the local hockey team.

Jack would describe his aesthetic as a love child of punk and free spirited hippie lifestyle.

He has unmedicated adhd

He's 6 or 7 years older than his younger brother Manny and it can make their relationship a bit strained. These days they are trying to mend it while taking care of their parent's old home.

His hair was originally brown but he bleaches it and dyes it white these days.

Manny (Mim)

He's one of the youngest in his friend group, beating Tooth by a few months.

Manny is the 2nd shortest, Sandy being the shortest.

Jack leaving home wasn't easy for him and after a while Manny fell out of contact. He regrets it to this very day but never stopped thinking about his big brother.

He has Thalassophobia, a fear shared with Jack, and Pitch teases him endlessly about it.

He's a natural blonde and his mom used to tell him that he got it from his dad's side of the family. Manny has yet to meet any of his extended family for some reason.

Cleaning out his parents house of their things was one of the hardest parts for him and would have been impossible if his friends didn't help him. (Jack coming home really changed the game too.)

He was a fairly average kid but had a streak of being kind of mean in school. It lasted until high school but he still carries that silver tongue between his teeth.

Tooth jokes about how often Manny visits the local aquarium and he deflects any guesses she makes. North knows Manny is crushing hard on a employee there and has a code word for the guy, "Ocean Man". Aster hums the song whenever he feels like he can poke fun of Manny.

His occupation is working at a pre-school/daycare. He's shockingly amazing with children and has considered a teaching position there but he has yet to decide on it.

Manny has been called a "night owl" by all his friends since his productivity increases when the sun goes down. Thats usually the time he gets to work on all the cleaning he's missed.

He currently lives in his childhood home with his brother. Thankfully their home was paid off by their parents so they just split the bills, but they have considered getting a roomie to help with the expenses.

His dream is to have any kind of a pool in his backyard but he has to wait til the finances balance themselves out.

Pitch

Was the newest person in the group before Jack joined. He's also one of the oldest.

His occupation is a horror novel writer and lives off of coffee even when hes not crunching to meet deadlines.

Pitch fights with insomnia but Sandy convinced him to start taking medication to help him sleep. He got kind of sick hearing Pitch make quick meals at 3am and tripping over his cat.

He has a cat named Onyx and he has that backpack with a window on it that he can put Onyx in. Onyx likes it very much and if she knows hes leaving somewhere she sits by the backpack and stares at him.

Halloween is when he's at his strongest. If he feels like it, he competes with North on who has the best decorations. Jack gave Pitch the idea of using dry ice and its a feature he brings back every other year or so.

He's one of the tallest people in the group, only coming a few inches shorter than North. Contrary to people asking him, he was never into basket ball and was was in the military for a period of time.

Pitch was living a hermit life until he was adopted into the group. With his wife long deceased and freshly dumped, he softly considers it a saving grace that everyone accepted him.

Katherine

An aspiring writer, she currently works at the neighborhood library. She finds it really relaxing since its sat right by a river bed.

She tries not to bug Pitch too much but on occassion she asks him to beta read her works. His criticism and tips energize her to get her works out there ten fold. Kat really wants to write fantasy, a little romance and a lot of kid's books.

Her favorite task at work is reading to kids. Shes an animated storyteller and the kids eat her antics up.

She was great friends with Jack when they were growing up but she followed his antics on a few of his accounts online.

She listens to a lot of rock music and punk pop due to North's influence when she was growing up. He's taken to her to her first concert and she treasures the merch and memories.

She gets around by bike because she hasn't gotten her lisence yet but North gives her lessons on the weekends. Kat's become a local cryptid because everyone has seen her whiz past on her bike at least once though.

A child(Jamie) she read to got her into cryptids and now she eats up any lore she can. They like to infodump on each other when they have the time.

This is post is long enough golly gosh. If y'all are interested i can post the others but for now take these samples. (The Hockey player Jack hc n ex military Pitch hc were influenced by a lovely fic written by my friends over at @bunnimew. Their fic is Surviving On Twinkies And Hope and i highly reccomend it)