#I haven't been able to finish anything today and I'm trying not to throw up

[heartshattering]

There are a lot of reasons why I'll never be able to work outside my home but ultimately the biggest reason is always going to be that my mom requires someone to be in the same room as her 24/7 and only cares about being the center of attention at all times.

[starringp1]

Office hours

Synopsis: Working hard for an upcoming promotion, the last thing you need is your boss glued to your back for no apparent reason. Stubborn as you are, you're set on finding out why. So when you do, you realize he isn't the last thing, but everything you need.

Pairing: CEO!Yunho x office worker!afab reader (ft. Hongjoong) Wordcount: 10.7k | 5k plot - 6k smut

Content: 18+ mdni; big dick yunho, somewhat cheating?? but not rlly, choking, dom!Yunho, degrading, face fucking, fingering, oral both!receiving, unprotected sex (stay safe irl!!), liiiittle bit of pegging, a tiny bit of voyeurism?, spit play

The soft sounds of rain droplets run against your window, thunder and lightning about to make their way to you. Next to the tapping of the rain, the only noise audible is the clicking of your keyboard, as you sit in your office wrapping up the last pieces of paperwork.

Someone gently knocks on your door and when you tell them to come in, Jeong Yunho enters, politely greeting you. "Miss, I think it's time for you to go home. Take a rest." you quickly stand up and bow your head, holding back the surprised look on your face. It's not often that your boss comes your way, let alone to your office. "What brings you here Mr. Jeong?" you offer him a seat in one of the chairs in front of your desk before pushing close the laptop you have been working on.

"I saw light in your office and was wondering why you're still working, at this time of day, or I should probably say, night." he takes a performative look at the watch on his wrist.

"Well, there's some documents I'd like to finish today, to lighten my workload. I want to clear my schedule as much as possible for the upcoming project. As you know, I need to perform well." you give Mr. Jeong a polite smile, before opening your laptop again after realizing he has no pressing matters to be discussed. "Also, it just started raining, so I'd rather use my time wisely, instead of getting soaked trying to get home. My car is in maintenance."

Your superior doesn't seem delighted at your response and leans back in his chair. He watches you type on your computer for a while before speaking up again. "You know you can always ask for one of the secretaries to help, right?" his hand reaches up and tugs on his tie to loosen it slightly. Your eyes flicker up to him for a second before concentrating on the screen again. "Yeah sure," you scoff, "because someone in my position needs help? I know HR and most importantly you are watching me, Sir."

You finally stop typing and look up into Mr. Jeongs eyes. "I won't be throwing this chance away, just because I'm a little worn out."

A loud rumbling of thunder suddenly arises and the loud banging makes you flinch. Mr. Jeong chuckles lightly before opening the top button of his shirt, eyes never leaving yours. "I think you're too paranoid, which is not a good quality in a leading position." he winks at you. You clench your jaw, realizing he'd be able to turn anything you say to his favor.

"I'm not trying to sabotage you, neither do I think you're lazy. I sincerely wish for you to go home because it's late." a soft smile flashes across his face. "A couple of investors are coming in on short notice tomorrow and I haven't told any of the candidates yet, because I'm planning to call in an emergency meeting." Mr. Jeong immediately catches the confusion in your face and before you can even ask, he answers your question.

"I'm only letting you in on this, because you are so adamant on working at this ungodly hour. So do me a favor and tell no one of this." he puts his finger up to his lips as if to shush you, though you already know it isn't a request, but a command. You nod slowly, packing up your things with a sigh.

Strangely enough, Mr. Jeong waits for you and the two of you leave your office together. A soft jingle is playing when the doors of the elevator open and the two of you enter. Your hand reaches out to press the button for the lobby, but Mr. Jeong grabs your wrist and instead presses the button for the underground parking lot.

"I'm driving you home."

You open your mouth to somehow decline his offer, but he shuts you down immediately. "I insist, Ms. y/s."

a/n; y/s meaning your surname or last name

You're feeling tired and you don't have it in you to fight back today, so you decide to just go along with it. Yet you can't help but be provocative. "Sir, I don't mean to be rude nor am I interpreting this the wrong way, but are you sure this is okay for your wife?" Mr. Jeong stops in his tracks and looks at you amused. He gives you a light smile just for it to turn into a stern, almost threatening look. "What my wife deems to be okay or not, is none of your business, Ms. y/s. I suggest you be thankful of my generosity, driving you home." he almost seems a little on edge, so you're sure you've hit a sensitive spot. Needless to say, you regret asking in the first place.

You mumble out a quick apology, before entering his car, Mr. Jeong holding open the door for you. It's a little awkward when he settles in place next to you and you try to avoid his gaze. "Give me your adress." his deep voice makes you shift in your seat and you hope for the ride to end as quickly as possible, when the car has just left the parking lot. Arms crossed, you're crouched in your seat and watch the raindrops on your window rolling down.

Mr. Jeong seems to misread your body language and increases the heater. For a while you withstand the thick air, but soon you find it unbearable, due to the windows being closed because of the now heavy rain. You take off your jacket and fan air with your hand, all the while Mr. Jeong doesn't seem affected at all. "Sir, how long is the ride?"

"We'll be there soon, don't worry." you almost feel like you can sense a sly smile on his lips, but you don't want to stare at him too obviously. Is he doing this on purpose? Too embarrassed to ask if he can turn off the heater, you can't seem to get behind it, so you try not to think about it any further and keep your eyes plastered onto the dark street in front of you.

When the car finally comes to a stop, you're sure your face is all flushed from the heat, blouse sticking to your back from the sweat. Even Mr. Jeong seems to be hot now, his breathing a little heavier, sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Why wouldn't he just turn on the AC? You can't help but let your gaze linger a little on his upper body, veins flowing down his arms to the hands, that were gripping the steering wheel up until now.

Quickly you advert your eyes, undoing your seatbelt. Suddenly Mr. Jeong undoes his too, your brows furrowing in confusion. "Relax, I'm just bringing you to your front door, since you don't have an umbrella." He leaves the car, draping his jacket over his head. When he opens your door, he leans down to cover you from the rainfall. "Nothing my wife should be upset about." he adds, earning an embarrassed look from you.

You close the car door and Mr. Jeong holds his jacket above his head, urging you to slip beside him. You hesitantly press up against him while the two of you slowly walk over to your apartment complex. His arm sneaks around your shoulder, holding you close while shielding you from the rain. You can feel the heat radiating from him and you're sure your body feels just as hot to him.

When you reach the front door, which luckily has a small roof, he lowers his jacket and scans your body. "You're so wet." and for a split second, your heartbeat increases, before realizing he was talking about your legs, that hadn't been covered from the rain. Though for some reason, you feel like his choice of words was intentional.

"It's okay, I'm home now, aren't I?" you give him a wry smile before fishing for the key in your bag. "Thank you Mr. Jeong, I appreciate it. I hope it wasn't too big of an inconvenience."

"Not at all miss, anything to have you home safe and sound." he reaches out his hand to see you off with a handshake. Hesitantly you grab it, as you would usually bow and not say goodbye western style. His big hand wraps around yours, long fingers enveloping almost all of it. "See you tomorrow Ms. y/s. Rest well ." his thumb caresses your skin a few times before finally letting go, an undoubtedly ominous smile on his lips.

You hurry inside when he leaves, leaning against the door of your apartment.

What the hell was that?

When you wake up the next day and get ready for work, you can`t help but wonder about last night. In the beginning you had been sure Mr. Jeong just wanted to be nice and maybe somewhat make a picture of his own, of one of the candidates for the recently vacant position of chief operating officer.

The company was running on the efforts of young people, but for someone as young as you to work their way up the ranks this quickly, was still an astounding accomplishment. You knew this and so did everyone else. It had gained you a newfound respect, as well as some enemies, though mainly older collegues who were envious of you. Since Mr. Jeong hadn't been the CEO for long (the chairman had stepped down from the position of chief executive officer) he naturally wasn't too informed about the strengths of the higher ranking employees.

It was in fact his spot that opened up, as he got promoted from COO to CEO. You feel uneasy, not knowing his intentions after last night. Was it just some kind of manipulation tactic to see if you are fit for the position? Or was he acually hitting on you? You try to convince yourself you're just reading into it, but you know all too well even a marriage won't keep a man from cheating.

And now that you think about it, you realize you barely see Mr. Jeong without a female coworker next to him. All this, while wearing a ring on his finger.

A few hours later, you find yourself looking at exactly this ring, as Mr. Jeong has called in the emergency meeting, just like he said he would. Somewhat you are a little prepared thanks to him telling you in advance, but it also pressures you to perform even better, as if he is expecting it from you.

"Ms. y/s, I would like to have a word with you." Mr. Jeong calls out to you after the meeting ends. He doesn't even look up from the sheets scattered on the table, voice sounding almost concerned. When the conference room has cleared, the two of you sit in silence for a while, until you speak up. "Sir, what did you want to talk about?"

Finally his eyes meet yours and he looks.. disappointed. "As you probably have noticed, I told everyone in advance of this 'emergency meeting'. I wanted to see how each one of you would prepare themselves."

You definitely had noticed. The meeting went by too fast and smooth, for it to be truly a surprise for all the participants present. 'So it was a ruse all along' you think to yourself feeling relieved. He was indeed just trying to get you out of concept, not hitting on you.

"You didn't satisfy me today." and maybe speaking ambiguously was just his thing...

"I expected you to make good use of my briefing, but you didn't. Why didn't you prepare your materials properly?"

"I felt like it would've been weird if I seemed too well prepared in comparison to my colleagues. Also I deemed it unfair to those who didn't know about the meeting." you admit, hands fumbling with the hem of your blouse beneath the table. "Well Ms. y/s, the world just isn't fair." Mr. Jeong sighs and leans back in his chair. "Look. I still think you are a suitable candidate and I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt, because I know very well what it's like to be working with all of these geezers."

A smile forms on your lips as he starts speaking so informal. Jeong Yunho is only a couple years older than you, of course having the advantage of being the chairmans son, nonetheless. "So please promise me to be a little more selfish? I think being fair is an important quality, but wit also is." you nod along, feeling almost ashamed.

"Mr. Jeong can I ask you something?" fiddling with your hands, you try to hold his gaze. "Are you only looking out for me because we almost share the same age, or is there another reason..?"

"What other reason would there be?" his voice sounds surprised and it has your cheeks heat up from the embarassment. "None.. please ignore what I just said."

He gives you an indifferent look before finally letting you go. "I suppose you'll be working late again today, Ms. y/s?"

"Yes sir, is there anything you need?"

"Nothing in particular, I'll just be dropping off some spreadsheets at your office." he gives you a last polite smile before his eyes are fixated on the papers in front of him. You leave the conference room, quickly making your way to your office.

Why would he need to drop off spreadsheets by himself when a mere assistant could do the same? You groan and fall into your chair, massaging your temples. Jeong Yunhos weird behavior is getting to you and you're sure it's part of his scheme. It doesn't help that he is (per your judging) the most attractive man in this company which oh so happens to partly belong to him? This whole situation feels like bullshit.

You just want the scouting part to be done and over with and the new chief operating officer to be announced, so you don't need to deal with this anymore.

'Hold out y/n, think of your future.' you affirm yourself, tapping back into work.

When it's dark outside, a knock on your door brings you to pry your eyes away from your laptop. You expect it to be your boss, but instead Kim Hongjoong enters, a colleague you grew rather close with over the past few years.

"Hongjoong? What do you need?" surprised to see him, you take a little break. "Why do you always suppose I need something?" he pouts a little, letting himself fall onto your office chair. "I was working until now and haven't had dinner yet. You wanna clock out and grab something to eat?"

Just as the words leave his lips, you can feel your stomach rumbling. Today was not a good day. The exhaustion is creeping up your body and for once, you really want to get out of your office and stop working. With a nod, you save all drafts on your laptop and get ready to leave.

"What do you wanna eat?" you ask your friend, opening the door for him. But Hongjoong doesn't reply and just stands still with a startled look on his face. Mr. Jeong stands right in front of your door, hand balled to a fist - he was about to knock when you opened up.

"Mr. Kim. What are you doing in Ms. y/s' office at this hour?" Mr. Jeong sounds a little taken aback but you can't pinpoint why. Hongjoong quickly bows before replying. "Good evening Sir. We were just about to leave the office together."

Jeong Yunhos gaze turns towards you and he looks disappointed. "I thought I told you earlier I was dropping by."

"I-it's late already, I thought you weren't coming anymore." you stammer, trying to find an excuse. In all honesty you were hoping not to see him anymore after todays dilemma. "Hongjo- I mean Mr. Kim, I'll be with you in a second." you say, gesturing him to wait outside.

"You don't need to wait up Mr. Kim. I'll need Ms. y/s to tend to these documents," he wavers the papers in his hands in the air, "It'll take a while for sure."

And with those words, Mr. Jeong closes the door in front of your friends face, not even waiting for a reply.

You just stand there dumbfounded. What just happened? "Sir, we were actually about to have dinner..." you mumble, "it's really late, can't I look over the papers tomorrow?"

He ponders for a moment, before leaning against the door with crossed arms. "If you're too tired to be working on these, then you shouldn't be going out to eat with a coworker." his tone is sharp and his eyes are squinting at you.

"W-well I can't really sleep on an empty stomach." you give him an apologetic look.

He closes his eyes slowly and sighs quietly. "Excuse me, I'm not sure what has gotten into me. Of course you need to rest. These can wait." he places the sheets on your desk. "Guess that means we'll be spending more time together tomorrow." a light smile spreads across his face. You keep getting this suspicious feeling in the back of your mind and you're really hoping you're wrong, but you feel like Mr. Jeong is... jealous.

"What do you want to eat?"

Surprisedly you raise your eyebrows in surprise at his question. "You said you're hungry. So I'll take you out for dinner. I'm sure Mr. Kim is already long gone."

You have to hold back a scoff at Mr. Jeongs statement. You are very sure Mr. Kim hasn't gotten that far and is probably still in this very building. But you get the feeling you shouldn't be disagreeing with your superior right now, so there's nothing you can do except for giving into him.

"I don't really care, you can choose the restaurant, sir." you reply, wondering how your dinner plans with Hongjoong suddenly turned into dinner plans with your boss, Jeong Yunho.

Somehow, this becomes an almost daily occurence. Mr. Jeong comes by your office unannounced in the evenings to 'discuss work matters', or finds ways to have you come to his instead, like entrusting you with delivering important papers to a colleague "because a simple assistant could mess things up" or "because you should look into the documents as well". When it gets too late, he ends office hours with you and insists on driving you home just like the first time, eventhough you have your car back.

Soon you can't deny the fact you're starting to grow fond of him. He's very charming, knows how to make you laugh and when he smiles at you it gives you this fuzzy feeling in the pit of your stomach, which you try to ignore. Most importantly; you find working with him most pleasant. Mr. Jeong is smart and hardworking, it makes sense to you that he was given the opportunity to lead the company at such a young age, even when related to the chairman.

Older colleagues had been in favor of the position, but still didn't make it.

Slowly but surely, having him this close to you is making you go insane. Your intuition tells you he's being way too nice for a superior, or any other colleague at that. Maybe it's just wishful thinking, but you're not ready to admit it yet. Buying you coffee, leaving work together and one time him inviting you out for lunch (which you declined) have the rumours rolling, which isn't great at a crucial time like this. But your biggest concern is the way you can feel yourself catching feelings for him. A married man, who is also your superior.

After almost three weeks of this, you finally snap.

Mr. Jeong had just ordered you to come to his office again, pray tell what reason he'd find today. You take a deep breath, collecting your thoughts.

This was driving you crazy and you couldn't go on like this.

Before entering, you try to calm yourself, as your job could be on the line for this. You knock, waiting for his approval. When you enter the room, a godly picture unfolds before you.

Mr. Jeong has rolled up his sleeves and unbuttoned the top three buttons, leaving little to imagine. His cologne lingers in the air, almost as if sprayed on a few minutes ago. His hair is dissheveled, cheeks having a rosy taint to them. He's so focused on his papers he doesn't even bother to greet, nor look up at you.

Your breath catches in your throat for a second, but you keep your resilience. "I can't seem to figure out this problem.." he mumbles, inviting you via hand gesture to sit, eyes still locked with the documents. You sit down in front of him as he turns around the papers. For a few seconds you scan it with your eyes, looking for the issue. As fast as you realize the numbers for a recent project aren't adding up, you also realize the problem doesn't even lie in your department. He should have called someone else to his office, but instead he summoned you here. There was no way he wasn't playing you right now.

"Mr. Jeong please be honest with me. Are you testing me right now? Is it because of my age? To see if i would sleep with my handsome boss to get a promotion?" you blurt out, no longer willing to have him play tricks on you.

"You think I'm handsome?" he retorts, lips wearing a gentle smile.

You immediately feel your face heat up, being at a loss of words for a hot minute. "No! that's not what I... sir, you know exactly what I'm talking about."

"No, I don't think I know. Would you care to enlighten me, Ms. y/s?", his tone has some playfulness to it, almost as if he's enjoying seeing you flustered.

"You call me to your office to solve a problem, which I will barely be any help for. I was neither the project manager nor did I even take part in this one. It's a way different compartment, so why would you involve me out of all people?" your brows seem to be furrowed in anger, but in reality it's your anxiety.

Rudely confronting your superior like this wasn't your greatest idea. But now that you had started, you couldn't just back off like a scared dog. "I think you're reading into this. As potential future chief operating officer you will be faced with things like these all the time. Even if they don't fall under your specialized compartment." Mr. Jeong doesn't seem offended by you stepping out of line and you wonder why.

"Of course I know this, but usually I'd be taking the issue on with the people involved, who were actually working on the project. So where is the project leader? Why are we alone?" You cross your arms in front of your chest. "Why have we been alone so many times for the past few weeks?"

"I commend you for being so insistent, but I get the feeling you're just seeing what you want to see. I've been so good to you, giving insights on tasks and a routine. After all I was favoring you as a candidate. Is this the thanks I get for taking you under my wing?" he replies nonchalantly and you can't help but still be sure he's favoring you in more ways than just work.

Just seeing what you wanted to see? Bullshit, but you can't exactly call your superior a liar. There's nothing else left to say as he keeps denying your allegations, and you feel like you've crossed the line way too far already, so you give up on it.

"I'm guessing it's safe to say I am not in your favor anymore, seeing as you used the word 'was'." lips pressed shut tightly as you try to hold back the heavy feeling in your chest. You really messed up here. "I apologize for my rudeness sir. I'll make sure I won't behave improperly again." you stand up and bow deep, about to take your leave.

Somehow you wonder if maybe you were indeed delusional. The way Mr. Jeong is denying everything you accused him of, hurts. A lot. You had been so sure over the time being, that he was acting differently towards you than other colleagues. And now that you had caught feelings, you needed to confront him. For the sake of your mental well being, as well as the sake of your future at this company.

Mr. Jeong watches you quietly, almost as if he's not sure what to say after your sudden change of heart. Just before stepping out of the room, you turn your head back, looking him directly in the eyes. "Just so you know sir, I still stand by what I said earlier. Now that I'm out of the picture for the position I would like to ask you to stop coming to my office late at night." you bite your bottom lip, hesitant to say the following words.

"It's... giving me the wrong idea."

The stern look on his face turns into a softer one, almost apologetic. "Y/n."

You halt your movements as he suddenly calls you out by your first name. "Did I go to far?" he stands up, hands leaning on his desk. "Please forgive me."

You still stand in the doorway, now completely baffled by the unexpected turn of events. Slowly you step back into the room, closing the door. "You weren't wrong." Mr. Jeong says, inviting you to sit on his office couch. "I didn't want to admit it right away, because I wanted to be sure you want this as well." he explains, but you don't care for that part anymore.

He's had you on his radar weeks before you were even in question as a possible candidate, but there was never reason to summon you. When he decided to join the recruitment committee himself, he knew he had to take the chance, but he wasn't planning on telling you that.

Your mind is racing with thoughts as you try to figure out what to say. He walks over to you, sitting down carefully, your legs almost touching.

"Don't you think I noticed the way you kept looking at me every time we encountered? And especially now?" He refers to his unbuttoned shirt which your eyes keep flickering to. "T-that's because it's all out in the open!" hand automatically reaching up to shield your view from his defined torso, you whine while blushing,

He doesn't reply and instead grabs your wrist, guiding your hand to his chest onto the exposed skin. His warm skin meets your fingers and you suck in a string of air at the contact. "Mr Jeong.." you warn him "I have a job to lose and you a wife." but his grip doesn't let up.

This wasn't exactly what you had in mind when you confronted him. All you wanted to hear was a clear explanation and that you weren't making things up.

"Not if it's within my company." he retorts back with furrowed brows.

"Do you know I consider this psychological warfare? Competing for a promotion but also being at odds to be eliminated any second because my boss who is married is hitting on me?" he finally lets go of your wrist and you pull back your hand.

Scoffing, he's leaning his arm onto the couchs' backrest. "Then care to explain to me why you're dressed like you want me to take off all your clothes each time you come in here? Your skirts get shorter every time I see you." he lets his eyes wander over your body, but doesn't come any closer. "You don't consider that psychological warfare?"

You know you started putting more effort into your outfits and make up, but you hate to admit that it was all for him. Wearing skirts almost everyday, when before you used to wear pants all year long.

"Are you sure you'll be able to walk away from me right now?" he sounds like he's challenging you and you would love to prove him wrong, but you can't.

You stay seated as you're torn on what to do. The rational answer would be to leave his office immediately and try talking to him tomorrow, preferably in an open space. Your mind tells you to stand up, but your body doesn't comply.

The smell of his cologne mixed with his body odor, the flushed cheeks, everything about him makes you want to stay. "I don't know what to do." you confess, hands trembling in your lap.

"But I do."

He leans forward, hand cupping your cheek and his soft lips gently kiss yours. Your eyes flutter shut and all the restraint you had left flies out the window. When he pulls back just a little to look at you, his cheeks are even rosier than before.

He looks like a dream.

"I won't touch you any further if you don't tell me to." he whispers, his hot breath fanning against your face.

"You already did, Yunho." this time you speak with confidence, knowing there's no going back anyway. "So do it again." Your hand holds onto his thigh as you move upwards to embrace his lips in another kiss. His hand flies to your hip and his chest immediately presses up against yours as he pushes you back to lay down on the couch. "I have.. been waiting.. for so long..." he manages to say in between kisses, before grabbing your hair and gently tugging, to suck on the skin on your neck. "Say my name again."

You quietly moan out, arms propped up behind you on their elbows. "Y-yunho..." The hand that was on your hip moves to slip under your shirt, pushing the bra underneath up your boobs. His fingers cup your breast and he slightly pinches your nipple, making you arch your back into his touch. You let yourself fall onto your back to unbutton your blouse, giving him free access.

Yunho takes in the sight of you sprawled out beneath him, dick growing harder by the second. "So fucking pretty..." his hair falls into his eyes and you wipe them away only to reach behind his neck and pull him back in for another kiss. He kisses you sloppily, tongue deep in your throat.

You can't remember the last time anyone has made you feel this good and Yunho was just getting started.

When he pulls back for air, a string of saliva still connects your lips, you quickly unclasp your bra and throw it to the ground along with your blouse. You look stunning to him and it's taking everything in Yunhos might to take his time with you instead of just pulling his cock out and fucking you stupid.

His long fingers graze the marks he has just left on your neck, before plunging two of them into your mouth. A soft whimper escapes your lips as your tongue swirls around his digits, sucking on them eagerly. Wishing he could take a picture and frame it in his office, Yunho groans at the sight.

His unoccupied hand pushes up your skirt to reveal some laced panties and he gives you a little slap onto your clothed throbbing cunt, which makes you moan out loudly around his fingers.

"Are my fingers not enough to keep you quiet? Maybe I need to stuff your mouth with my cock instead." your moaning earns yourself another slap before he pulls his fingers out of your mouth, circling them around your left nipple.

You watch as he hovers over you, kneeling inbetween your legs. His fingers leave your nipple and without warning he pushes your panties to the side to slide them into your heat. Your saliva as well as your wetness make it way too easy and your lips part to choke out a moan. Yunho grabs your jaw and brings himself close, but instead of kissing you like you anticipated, he spits into your open mouth.

You clench around his fingers in surprise then swallowing all of it, the rest that landed on your bottom lip distributing onto your chin with the help of his thumb. Never in your life did you think you could be so at mercy for a man, but here you are.

Yunho looks like he's about to devour you but your focus is directed at the feeling of his fingers sliding in and out of you, occasionally curling inside.

"More.." you manage to whimper, begging him for more stimulation. His lips turn upwards into a smirk as he adds another finger. You feel something cold enter you and you can tell it's his wedding ring that's pushing you to another level of pleasure.

"Look at my little slut getting off on a married mans fingers.." Yunho coos as he watches your cunt greedily suck in his fingers. Your heavy breathing quiets down as you accomodate to him stretching you out, knowing you need even more.

You bite your still wet bottom lip and look up into his eyes, one hand roaming his body until it stops at his bulge. "I need you inside of me, now."

But Yunho isn't done with you yet.

"What you need, is to have some respect." his fingers come to a complete halt and you whimper at the sudden loss of friction. He pulls them out only to rid you of your skirt and panties, leaving you completely naked on his couch.

Lips come crashing into yours, followed by his hand on your throat, smearing your juices onto you. His hips start rolling into yours, the friction of the fabric against your throbbing clit driving you insane. "I'll fuck you when you deserve to be fucked." he says through gritted teeth, his cock starting to painfully twitch in his tight pants.

Now kneeling over you, he's pulling his shirt over his head. You can't help but stare at his chest in awe, fighting the urge to suck hickeys all over his torso.

Yunho chuckles at your dazed look before grabbing a fistful of your hair to yank your head up, now eye leveling his crotch. "Suck me off and I might consider fucking you." Having no time to waste your hands are pulling down his zipper and freeing his cock from his underwear. You let out a long breath as you finally hold his dick in your hands, so long and girthy you start worrying if you can even fit the head in your mouth.

Precum is leaking from his slit and you hesitantly give the tip kitten licks before pushing it into your mouth. Yunho lets out a soft sigh, relishing in the feeling of your warm cheeks embracing him.

You test the waters by slowly pushing him in further, only to halt abruptly when you start choking on him.

"Who said you could stop?" His hand flies to your head to push you down on his length, tears filling up your eyes as you try to breathe. Your hands grip onto his thighs to steady yourself, not being able to get in more than half of his cock.

Slowly his hips start moving and you have to do nothing but stay still and be his little fuckdoll. His moans grow louder each time he thrusts himself into you, the sound being your new favorite melody. You're sure that by now there must be stains on his couch from the way your wetness keeps pooling in your heat.

One of your hands sneaks down to rub small circles over your clit, which leads you to ellicit a small moan, dick still stuffed deep in your throat. He pulls out of you, only to let his fat cock slap against your cheek.

"I don't remember giving you permission to touch yourself." He frowns before stealing your air supply again, now bucking his hips into your face with even more fervor than before.

You whine out and grab onto the couch. Your jaw is starting to hurt and you know you can't keep this up much longer. You knew he was packing, having stolen glances at his crotch over the past weeks, but you didn't expect him to be this big.

When his hips finally start to stutter, you're already so fucked out, saliva dripping down your chin onto your breasts.

Your eyes are halfway closed as tears roll down your cheeks, Yunho being all you could feel, smell or see.

He comes to a complete halt, shooting his load down your throat, letting out a deep moan. "F-fuck." You feel the bitterness spread in your mouth and quickly swallow down the warm liquid. His eyes are fixed on your beautiful face and the way you're taking everything so well. When he pulls his softening cock out of your mouth, he strokes your hair, gently lowering you onto your back.

"So?" you ask him, hands grazing over his nicely toned muscles.

"So what?" Yunho asks back with a confused smile on his lips.

"Do I deserve getting fucked?"

He's trapping you in between his arms and the couch, eyes never leaving yours.

"You deserve getting ruined." his lips meet yours again, licking off the remains of his own cum. Slowly he's peppering kisses all over your neck, moving down to your chest, slightly grazing one nipple with his teeth. Yunho starts sucking on the hard bud when you let out little whimpers, hands laid on his strong arms, that are still caging you. Excitement rushes through your veins at the mere thought of Yunho touching you again and you almost start trembling from the anticipation.

His tongue swirls around your nipple a few times before leaving your breasts altogether as he moves further down. Face hovering over your pussy, you prop yourself on your elbows to have a better view.

You just need to witness this.

His face gets closer to you until you can feel his hot breath on your core, only turning you on further.

"Such a pretty cunt." he whispers before placing a few gentle kisses on your clit. You inhale a sharp breath of air when he finally buries his face into your pussy, tongue delving deep into your folds.

One of his hands rakes up to grope your breast, roughly massaging it. You close your eyes for a moment and get lost in the feeling of his wet tongue inside of you and his big hand assaulting your tit.

As your moans grow louder, Yunho stops for a minute to mark you up on your inner thigh. "If you keep this up, everyone is going to hear us." he kisses down gently on the now red-ish skin. "But maybe that's what you want? To have Mr. Kim hear how I rearrange your guts?" His eyes dart up to meet yours and there's a mischievous smile plastered on his lips.

You could tell he was hung up on the fact you were close to a male colleague of yours, but you didn't want to think about Mr. Kim now. Not in this situation.

"I'll try to be quiet..." you mumble, blushed cheeks from the suggestion. Quickly you grab his wrist, guiding the hand that was massaging your breast, up to your mouth sucking in his fingers, to cut the conversation short. Yunho just chuckles softly before lapping at your hole again, eyes closed while getting enveloped in the taste of you. His nose bumps into your clit at times and it's getting harder for you to hold back your moans.

It's taking all your might to stay quiet when he plunges the three fingers, that you were lazily sucking on just a moment ago, into you while relentlessly flicking his tongue against your sensitive nub.

His long slender fingers glide right into your heat while stretching you out deliciously. If this is how his fingers feel you can barely contain your greediness for his huge cock.

Head thrown back in pleasure, your hips start bucking into him while your hand is tangled in his hair. Breathy moans leave your lips when the pace of his fingers quickens and the knot in your stomach gets tighter. Yunho is sucking and licking on your clit like his life depends on it and you can feel yourself clench around his fingers. "I-im so close.." you huff out, still rolling your hips into his tongue.

"That's it.. cum on my face, baby." the vibrations and especially the use of the petname sends you over the edge and you come undone, legs squeezing around Yunhos head.

You pant heavily, arm covering your face as you recover from your high. Yunho is lapping up your juices, fingers still moving in and out of you. You whine out, pushing his head away from the overstimulation.

"S-stop I can't-"

He chuckles before finally removing his fingers from your cunt, licking them clean. His lips are glistening from your wetness as he emerges from inbetween your legs and you can't believe this god of a man just ate you out, with all that he had at that.

"God, you taste so sweet."

He sits up, quickly getting rid of his pants, then stroking his now hard again dick. Grabbing the base of his cock, he rubs it against your core, covering his cockhead in your cum. You moan at the stimulation, clit swollen and abused. You can't pry your eyes off the attractive nude body gracing your sight and it leaves him chuckling at the way you're looking up at him with needy eyes, begging to be fucked senseless.

"Are you sure you want this?" Yunho asks you one last time, needing to reassure himself, even when he already knows the answer.

It makes you scoff, furrowing your eyebrows. Like he didn't just have you at his mercy on only his tongue and fingers, eating you out like a starved man. His skin is glistening with sweat from the arousal and heat between you two, only showing off his defined muscles more. The naked man in front of you looks like a deity, almost like he's the god of sex.

You could swear you've never gotten this horny just by looking at someone.

"I need this." you reply while grabbing one of Yunhos hands to intertwine your fingers with his. He smiles warmly at you before pinning down your hand next to your head and slowly pushing his tip into you, tightly holding your hand.

Soft moans leave your lips as you're getting stretched out by his girthy cock, the feeling of his length inside of you bringing you almost to tears, because it just feels that good. Eyebrows furrowed, enveloped in the feeling of him as he bottoms out in you.

Your cum makes it a little too easy for Yunho to slide in and he lets out a deep moan when he's fully sheathed inside of you.

"Shit, your pussy feels so good.." he murmurs and places a wet kiss upon your left temple.

Your eyes flutter open to take in the image of him hovering over you while getting spread on his thick cock. The stretch feels so good it has you loudly moaning even when he hasn't started moving yet. "You're too fucking big." you groan, eyes tightly shut again. He let's you get used to his size for a couple of seconds before starting to move.

"You say 'too big' but look at how your pussy is sucking me in - just fitting for the greedy whore your are." slapping your tit, he watches in contentment as it jiggles.

Quickly he's building up his pace, knocking the breath out of your lungs. Soon Yunho is smashing his hips into yours, hand having let go to properly hold himself up. You let out uncontrollable moans while digging your nails into his forearm, resulting in one of Yunhos hands covering your mouth.

"My dumb little slut.. wants everyone to hear how I'm fucking that tight little pussy so well, hm?" he taunts you, lips curled upwards into a smirk. You clench around him at his words, letting out a muffled moan against his hand. But you can tell he's feeling just as good as well, voice breathy, sometimes letting a moan slip inbetween.

You're feeling so good you don't care anymore wether someone is going to hear you, all you care about is his big dick stuffed in your cunt. When his hand leaves your mouth to roughly grab one of your tits, your head immediately tilts downwards to see how his cock is disappearing in your pussy.

The drag against your walls feels insane and you just feel so full, you're scared you will never be able to have sex with someone else.

"Y-Yunho.." you moan out his name as your climax keeps building, head thrown back in pleasure.

"What is it baby?" you love how Yunho calls you baby and it has you tightening around him, making his hips stutter for a hot second. "Fuck, don't do that again or I'm cumming inside of you." his lips come crashing into you while still rutting his hips into yours at such a fast pace, you almost feel like he's splitting you into two.

Pinching your nipple one last time he sits up to firmly grab your waist and thrust into you. "I'm gonna cum!" you cry out, hips bucking into his, but he immediately stops, the rising feeling in your stomach vanishing.

You can imagine yourself getting addicted to the way he's thrusting into you, because now that he's stopped you feel the urge to cry, as if getting down from your favorite drug.

And it's quite the same. His dick is taking you to levels of pleasure you couldn't even think of before, making you not wanting to waste thoughts about what's going to happen when he's done with you.

And luckily Yunho is far from done with you.

"I decide when you cum." he slips his cock out of you to slap it against your clit before sliding it through your folds. "My greedy little whore." he whispers, while you're trying to restrain yourself from grabbing his dick and just shoving it into yourself.

You feel so pathetic at how he's making you feel so good just by rubbing his lengtg against you, but when he doesn't stop teasing you, it drives you insane. "P-please."

"Please what?" slowly he dips his cockhead into your pussy, fucking you with only an inch of his dick. "Use your words. How else is a dumb slut like you gonna get a promotion?"

You didn't know you had a degrading kink but Yunho sure as hell brought it out in you.

"God you get tighter everytime I insult you." he scoffs with a smile, eyes locked onto his tip inside of you.

"Please fuck me properly.." you whine, hips trying to push yourself further onto his cock. Yunho chuckles at your poor attempts before yanking both of your legs up to gather them over one shoulder, gripping them firmly and unexpectedly thrusting deep into you. He has completely buried himself into you, your mouth agape from the feeling. His lips are softly grazing the skin on your legs, while you're letting out obscene noises. The way he's slowly rolling his hips into yours is making you lose your mind and you wish he'd just fuck you for all eternity.

As he keeps thrusting into you, his huge cock is hitting your bladder and slowly it's getting uncomfortable, because it feels like you need to pee, eventhough you're already aware you don't. Yunho is starting to fold you in half, legs that were draped over his shoulder now pushed into your face as he's using your wet hole like his cocksleeve.

The squelching sounds are making Yunho emmit deep groans, eyes not being able to look away from his pulsing cock drilling into you. One of your arms is holding onto the couchrest behind your head to somewhat find stability and Yunho leans down to sloppily kiss you while folding you like a sandwich.

The angle makes you cum without a warning and you moan out loudly into his mouth to muffle the volume of the forbidden sounds. Your walls are clenching around him hard, wetness seeping onto his cock.

He halts abruptly in his movements, pulling away from you. A short string of spit connects your lips until it plops down onto your chest. Yunho is panting hard and it seems like he just held back from cumming inside of you, much to your disappointment.

"Fuck, I didn't tell you to cum." he pulls out of you, immediately grabbing a fistful of your hair to yank you up and pull you towards his desk. "Is my bitch wanting to be punished?" he asks in a daring tone, eager for what's to come.

His big hand is pressing down your cheek against the cold wood of his desk, bending you over. Heart beating fast, you don't resist and just go along with what he's making you do. Right now you'd do anything he requested of you if it meant getting fucked properly. His other hand lines up his dick with your entrance and with a sharp thrust he pushes his cock past your folds, earning a loud whimper from you. Your voice is too fucked up to be forming proper words, so only pathetic moans and a variable of other noises leave your mouth.

Not even recovered from your high he's fucking you so hard your hips are rutting into the desks edges, sure to leave behind bruise marks. "That's what you get for disobeying me." he groans and you love how he's putting on this dom show, your overstimulated pussy tightening at the thought of him punishing you right now. "How can you still be this fucking tight when I'm stretching you to my size?" Yunho buries his face into your neck, sucking hickeys into the soft skin to distract himself from not hitting his release too early. He was set on making you cum at least a third time.

"D-don't give me so many hickeys.. what if someone sees..?" you manage to whimper out. Fuck, leaving his office later, looking like a mess and pumped full of his cum already has you shivering at the thought. There's no way no one's going to notice, especially when he's leaving kiss marks all over your neck now.

"Then they'll know you belong to me."

You moan as he slows down his thrusts, pulling your asscheeks apart to have even better access to your throbbing hole. A string of saliva drops down onto your ass and you immediately panic when you feel Yunhos thumb press against your back door. "Wait, d-don't!" you cry out as he slips his finger past the ring of muscles, clenching around him hard. He groans, finger slowly moving but hips staying still.

"You're gonna snap my dick in half, relax." thumb still inside, he leans down and turns your head to the side to capture your lips in a kiss. Your hands are gripping some sheets of paper that are scattered beneath you as he starts thrusting into you again, balls slapping against your buttocks.

"F-feels so good Mr. Jeong." mind so hazy that you don't even notice you go back to calling Yunho by his last name. A low chuckle leaves his lips before he suddenly moves around a bit, making you try to turn around and see what he's doing.

"Is that so? Then why don't you tell Mr. Kim about it?" You hear a clicking noise and the next second Yunho places his office phone next to you and turns on the intercom. The unfamiliar feeling of having both holes filled have you pant loudly, barely shutting up in time for the call.

Hongjoong is way too quick to pick up the phone, which leaves you no time to brace yourself. Your eyes widen and you try to get Yunho to stop from fucking you so hard, the very obvious noises probably easily heard through the phone. "Good evening sir. How may I help you?" your colleagues voice politely appears through the receiver, seemingly not yet suspicious of the sounds coming from the other end.

"Go on. Tell him how good my dick inside you feels. Let him hear that dirty little pussy of yours." Yunho whispers into your ear, only for you to hear.

"Hello? Mr. Jeong?" Hongjoong quietly asks into the phone. Finally Yunho pulls out of you, letting you breathe for a second. When you feel his hand grabbing your ass forcefully you know you have to play along. "Hello Mr. Kim, it's me."

"Oh? Ms. y/s? Why are you calling me from Mr. Jeongs office?" he sounds very confused, which makes it harder for you to come up with a believable excuse. Even more so when Yunho suddenly turns you onto your back and forces you to sit up with his hand on your throat. A helpless little yelp leaves your lips and you immediately shut your mouth, hoping your colleague heard nothing.

"..."

"Is everything okay?"

Right now you can only applaud Hongjoong for his polite- and patientness, as you're sure you would've been annoyed as hell by now if you were in his shoes. "Sorry I just dropped something." you manage to say, gears in your head turning on what to tell him next.

"So uhm... I called you.. because... I need help with a document..?" it sounds more like a question the way the words are leaving your mouth and you're sure you don't sound believable at all.

"Okay.. what is it?" no further questions are asked and you just know he'll give you hell later for this awkward phone call.

"I uh-"

Suddenly Yunho plunges his dick back into you and you have to hold yourself upright on his shoulders. Lips tightly shut you shake your head and look at him with pleading eyes to stop. But he doesn't let up.

"I-I think there's a m-mistake in the formatting of one of t-the project files, but I can't seem to f-find it." it's taking all of your strength not to moan or let out any other noise and you feel like Yunho isn't as strong as he's acting either.

His face is buried in the nook of your neck, sucking more marks onto your skin. Sometimes a little whimper slips out, quiet enough for Mr. Kim not to hear. He must be insane, you think to yourself, to be risking getting caught. Maybe he's even into this, maybe he wants to get caught.

Caged in one of Yunhos arms, the other is placed right behind you, holding himself stable while he's jerking his hips into yours, coating his cock in your wetness. "So good for me..." he whispers, sending a tingle up your spine. "I can't believe I haven't fucked you earlier."

"Alright, can you send me the file now? I'll look over it while you're on the phone." Hongjoongs voice snaps you back to reality and your mind is racing, thinking of the next excuse to give. "My computer is broken." is all you can think of.

"Is that why you're in Mr. Jeongs office?"

You feel relieved when Hongjoong thinks even further than you, finding a way to make this lie work. Though it makes no sense in your head, you gladly accept it.

"Yes, she is. But I think it would be more efficient if you just came down to my office Mr. Kim." Yunho cuts right through you when you open your mouth and you look at him in terror. Is he seriously inviting Mr. Kim to come over right now?

"No! I'll come to you! Don't come here!" You almost yell out, slamming the phone onto the charging station. "How am I going to explain this? You're insane." instantly you let out a loud moan, closing your eyes and letting yourself get enveloped in the feeling of pleasure. Your legs are slung around Yunhos waist, slowly starting to hurt from having to hold them up in the air as he's fucking you on the edge of his desk.

"I'm insane for you." Yunhos lips brush your earlobe before slightly nibbling on it, his moans starting to get louder too. You can feel your inner thighs getting coated with your slick everytime he pulls out just to slam back into you, the sheets of paper you're sitting on probably already completely ruined.

Fast and surely you can feel your third orgasm building up, hips starting to rock against his to get some more friction. He captures your lips in a sloppy kiss, his tongue exploring the inside of your mouth. He's so big it almost feels like his cock is hitting the entrance of your cervix, you can swear you see the outline of his bulge in your stomach. "So fucking big.. I can't." you cry out, head thrown back in pleasure.

"Mr. Jeong let me cum, please?" you automatically ask him for permission, leaving him moaning into your ear.

"Only because you've been so good for me." he tilts your chin up to press a surprisingly soft kiss to your lips before picking up his already fast pace, one of his arms locked around your waist. He's hitting just that right spot several times and you have no strength in you to form any coherent words, a string of moans and other obscene noises accompanying the sound of skin slapping against skin.

Your wetness keeps gushing out and is coating his cock in your liquid, having him groan at the feeling. Just the way he's moaning so deliciously into your ear almost has you cumming and you know you won't be holding out for much longer. Arms thrown around his neck you come undone, your orgasm washing over you so intensely, you see your vision go blurry.

It's taking everything and more for Yunho not to spill his load in an instant when he feels you orgasm around him and slows down his movement for a second. "Where do you want me to cum?" he asks breathless, gazing at your face contorted in pleasure, only hurrying him more.

"I-I don't care just fuck me." you cry out, rocking your hips desperately against his. Your words take him over the edge immediately, hips stuttering while he's driving himself into you. Legs sqeezed tightly around his waist you feel the spurts of long thick ropes of cum painting your walls. The joined moans of the both of you sound like they're straight out of porn, neither caring for the volume anymore. Your high lasts so long, you think you might just pass out from this incredible feeling, the waves of pleasure seemingly not coming to an end. And you wish they didn't because oh god was this the best sex you ever had.

In the meanwhile your pussy is milking Yunho completely dry, his cock twitching inside of you before he eventually starts growing soft. He stays sheathed in you, just heavily breathing into your neck with his head laid on your shoulder.

As the both of you come down from each high, reality hits you like post nut clarity and you get this heavy feeling in your chest over what you have just done.

"Mr. Jeong. This was so insanely wrong of us." you murmur quietly, your heartbeat going up again, this time out of fear. It's not exactly what anyone wants to hear after fucking their brains out.

He lifts his head in confusion, looking at you surprisedly. "If you think I'll be favouring you in the selec-"

"No- not that. I don't really care about the work part. At least for now." you frown at him, urging him to get some distance between the two of you. His arm is slung around your waist still and face only a couple inches apart. "I'm talking about your... marriage."

But Yunho doesn't bother letting go of you, the corners of his mouth curling up into a soft smile. "The marriage with my ex-wife that I have been divorced from for over two years?"

The look of disbelief forms on your face as you try to get in your head what he just said.

"What are you talking about? Then what about your wedding ring? You're still wearing it." it makes no sense to you, especially when you saw them at a work gathering weeks prior. Does he think you'd fall for such a pathetic lie?

"That's because we haven't made the divorce public. It was a marriage of convenience and while our families know we aren't together anymore, which we technically never were, no one else does, except for a few higher ups." He finally pulls out of you, watching his own cum slowly flow out of you and keeping your thighs spread.

"C-can you not do this while we're talking?" you blush from his boldness but don't resist his hands that are now wandering up your body.

Blatantly ignoring you, he goes on with the explanation. "It's better if rival corporate businesses don't know our two family firms aren't binded by law anymore." His hand is cupping your breast, thumb softly rubbing your nipple.

"So you're trying to tell me the two of you act like you're still married, but you've been divorced for two years already?"

There's a big chance he's just lying to get out of this situation, but you sincerely hope he's not making all of this up. Yunho seems to notice your suspicion and leans forward to capture your lips in the softest kiss.

"You don't believe me do you?"

He whispers, burying his face in your neck. "I'm not sure if I should." a heavy sigh leaves your lips as your hand reaches up to comb through his hair. "I want to, though."

You can feel him smile into your neck, before lifting his head and pulling you in for yet another kiss. "I'll take you home tonight," he mumbles against you, "to my house I mean. And you'll see there won't be no wife waiting for me."

Warmth fills your body at his words, coming to terms with the fact he might just not be lying at all. Spending the night at Yunhos place wasn't exactly what your to do list included for today, but your heart starts racing regardless, thinking of all the things he could do to you later. "If you say so.." a small giggle escapes you, leaning into his touch more.

"Should I get plan B for you?" Yunho asks out of the blue, while looking down at the mess he made. You're surprised at how considerate he is, not quite expecting him to even care. Though it should be common decency of course. "It's okay, I've got an IUD in." you smile at him softly, pressing a peck onto his cheek, before retracting awkwardly. It feels like you've overstepped the boundaries, boundaries which you yet have to talk about.

"Are we weirdly loving right now?" the atmosphere is somewhat heavy and you try to lighten the mood. Yunho gives you a cheeky grin, hand that was cupping your breast moving back down again. "I don't know about that. But I do love your body." he tries to sneak his finger to your clit but you slap his hand away before he is able to. As the both of your are laughing, your eyes fall onto an object that is standing on Yunhos desk, and something seems off to you. After closer inspection, you fall silent and your eyes widen in horror.

"Mr. Jeong..."

"I think we're past the stage of calling each other by our last names, don't you think?" he chuckles at you, not noticing how distraught you are. When he finally does, his gaze follows yours, soon the shock is written all over his face as well.

Earlier you didn't put the phone correctly onto the charging station.

Which means you never hung up.

A/n; i'm actually so insane for yunho...🥹🥹 this fic sucked the life outta me. can't believe my second fic on this acc is such a lengthy one. hope you enjoyed it!!

[aerofbreath]

Chapter 1 - An Intervention

Danny sighed as he walked down the long and almost endless halls of his castle, an aura forming around him in a way that’s almost depressing. Whenever he would pass a ghostly castle worker, they would only nod their heads at him in sympathy. It’s been 2 years since the dreadful Incident. Right down to the very day. The Death Day of everyone in Amity Park… The Death Day of Jack, Maddie, and Jazz Fenton. Although it’s been two years, he still remembers it like it was yesterday. On this specific day, every time he would close his eyes, he would only see the look of saddened determination on his parents’ faces as they pushed him through the Portal. He can only see the look of sister’s face, fearing for him and for everyone else in the room. He can only see the Portal exploding itself shut. The crater that now built the entirety of Amity Park.

It always gets harder as the years go by, even it has been a couple years so far. Danny will never think it can get better so the only way to move on is to work hard to make things better. Primarily for those he is able to help. In this case, it’s his subjects of the Infinite Realms.

Over the course of two years, Danny has worked hard to make the Realms a better place. He decided to throw himself into finishing his studies. He caught up to where he would have been before the Incident and even finished his schooling. He hired specific ghosts whose obsessions is to teach. What better way to fulfill those obsessions than to teach The King of the Infinite Realms? He passed with flying colors over the course of a few months and spent the rest of his time until now studying courses that he would have chosen for college. He learned all that he could about space and the sciences. He’s even learned about businesses and how to create one, not that he would even need it. He figured that because his parents tried so hard to get him into the family business, it would be an homage to them. He supposes that it can help him manage the Realms better. The Observants can be a bit… much, but he’s managed to whip them into shape.

Kind of.

Whatever.

Danny finally stopped in front of his room. A living quarters within the castle grounds. For the second year in a row, he plans on spending this dreadful day in his room mourning the loss of everyone he loved. Before he could even grab the handle to go inside, he could hear voices from behind the door.

“I don't know Kitty, as much as it's a great idea, I don't think he'll agree to this. Like, at all,” Ember's voice sounded concerned.

Kitty responded, her voice booming from beyond the door, “He will! He will! This is the perfect opportunity for him to start getting better!”

“I'm already fine as I am,” Danny sighed as he finally entered his room. “Now, before I ask what the hell you guys were talking about, I am going to ask what the hell you're all doing in my room?”

Danny looked all around his room. Besides Kitty and Ember who were sitting by a table usually for personal meetings, it seems that Skulker is a part of whatever stupid party this is. Skulker’s looking all around the frames that decorated the room, suspiciously looking like he's about to do something. Danny just wants to know what that something is.

Ember scoffed, putting on an innocent look, “What do you mean? This door was perfectly unlocked! For all we know, this could have just been anyone's room!”

The King looked at Ember incredulously before pinching the bridge of his nose. “You've all been in here before. Don't try to think you haven't been here before. Try again. I really don't want to be doing this today, guys.”

“We just wanted to check up on you, little King,” Kitty said after a moment. “Today was the perfect day to do that. You're clearly upset and we're just really good friends that want to make sure you're, like, not gonna lose your mind… or something.”

Danny sighed, relaxing his shoulders, “Or something.”

“Or something! We weren't even talking about anything,” Ember spoke loudly, interrupting whatever Kitty was going to say next, “In fact, we were just leaving. Right, Kitty?” The musician stood up abruptly, almost knocking out the chair she was sitting on.

“The fuck, Ember? We're not just leaving. I don't know why you’re so pressed about this. I'm actually trying to help here. Skulker, do something about your GF!”

Danny made no effort to move around from the front of the doorway, confusion only growing from Ember's unnatural acts and Kitty being her usual self. He turned to look at Skulker, still looking at all the frames in front of him. The frames he’s specifically looking at are of his family. There were only a few photos that he was able to salvage from the Incident, mainly because they were already in the bag that he brought with him to the Infinite Realms. Those frames are the only things he has left before the memory of their faces erases from his memory.

“They both fear you are lonely, ghost child,” Skulker eventually says after an uncomfortable silence, “Kitty has put out the idea that you go back to the Human Realm so that you may be… happy.”

Danny looked at Skulker who only looked back as if he was not the one for negotiation. “We understand that today is, for lack of better terms, not a good day, but Kitty suggests that you can't just sit here and wallow.”

“I-” Ember started, looking guilty, “We just wanted to make sure you're happy, Danny. I think you need more time to rest-”

“Look, kid,” Kitty interrupted, stepping closer to a silent Danny, “Us ghosties are so glad that you've been helping out here in the Realms. Honestly, since Pariah Dark, things have never been better! But you're pulling yourself too thin, Danny. We're worried about you! Pandora is worried about you. CW won't say shit about anything but that's just how he is. Fuck, even Walker is worried about you! Mainly because he wants you to get off his back about the way he likes to control his lair. The ‘Phantom Zone’ he wants to claim it as. Honestly, what's up with that name? Trying to steal your thunder or something? He could've thought of a much better name, like the Buffer Zone or the Still Zone. Oh! Or maybe just Jail? Yeah, maybe Ghost Jail or something.”

“Kitty, you're rambling,” Skulker suddenly spoke, already appearing closer to Ember.

“You're also not saying anything, Rockstar,” Ember then said, rubbing her arm nervously, “Why aren't you saying anything? Like, I need you to give us an opinion or something. Maybe say that ‘Hey, this is a great idea! Thanks Kitty and Ember, I will award you will a bajillion ghost dollars or something.’”

Danny merely stood at the front of his door, really trying to put together everything that they've had to say. While yes, he has been working his ass off just trying to make things better for everyone, he hasn't been putting time for himself at all. He's been fulfilling his obsessions in a way, but he can't do everything he wants inside the Realms. But, people need him. Humans are after him and all of his citizens. He can't just leave.

“I can't just leave,” he finally forms the words. Kitty and Ember's shoulders slump in disappointment. “People need me here. They need a King to rule them. Plus, it’s dangerous for me. I can't leave the Realms anymore. The GIW are still out there and for all we know, they're just waiting for me to show up. I'll be hunted and not in a fun way,” Danny only glances at Skulker before looking back at the two women, “Plus, there's no reason for me to go back. Everyone that ever mattered to me has disappeared or died. I don't see myself going back to the Human Realm unless I am being requested there.”

The three other ghosts looked over at Danny, really trying to process the words he’s said. “So,” Ember started, thinking hard on what to say next “What? You're just gonna say no?”

“Yes, I am just gonna say no. There's no one there waiting for me. There are no tasks that are so big that require me personally to go out.”

“What if there is something that needs you to go out? This could be the perfect opportunity for you to just be, well, you,” Kitty said, crossing her arms, “‘Cause I'm not gonna lie, kid, you're kinda insufferable. I can't do shit!”

“Because it's dangerous, Kitty!” Danny raised his voice, finally making an effort to move in his room. His steps seem to drag on the ground, despondent about the topic. “I am doing my best to keep everyone safe. I made an order that no more of my subjects go out to the Human Realm for their own safety. That includes you, Kitty.”

“That's no fun!” KItty crossed her arms, a foot stomping on the ground like a stubborn rabbit. “I haven't been able to enjoy myself and Johnny and I haven't been able to go on our crazy dates!”

“Look,” Danny sighed, now standing in front of the photo frames that Skulker once was, “I don't want to hear this right now. You can file a complaint to Fright Knight. I'm sure he'll gladly help you, but my word is final. No one is to leave the Infinite Realms for their own safety. You know what humans can do.”

Kitty looked at Danny, glaring daggers into the side of his head, “Don't forget you're also human, kid. Even if it's only half. We can all tell that you're not happy.”

“Yeah, Danny,” Ember finally spoke. She and Skulker are standing side by side, not really liking where the conversation is going, “Even Spectra is thriving right now and I can't tell if it's you she's unconsciously feeding off of.”

“Yeah, well, she can go fuck off somewhere. I'm only 19. She's got about a year left before she goes back to her usual self.”

“Ghost child… Danny,” Skulker said. He's not really the one to really address Danny by his name. Hell, he doesn't even call him by his formal title as king. Not that he minds, but still. Danny turns his head to face Skulker who is just standing there awkwardly, “At least visit the human realm. When was the last time you fed into your obsessions?”

Danny didn't answer the question. As much as the guy is kind of insufferable to deal with, Skulker makes a pretty good point. While, in a way, he's been feeding his Protection Obsession, he hasn't really been doing anything about his secondary obsession which is Space. He hasn't been able to look out in the stars even if he knows that there's no way that the GIW will find him in freaking space. He's just afraid that if he goes back out, everything will happen all over again. The pain and the loss. He can't do that again.

“Just leave, guys,” Danny said after a long silence. “I'll think about what you've all said, but don't get your hopes up.”

Ember and Skulker left without an issue, saying their solemn goodbyes. Kitty was the last to leave, but she ended up having the last word, “You're killing yourself, Danny. Quite literally too given that it's been years since you last used your human form. You think your family would like to see you being something you don't like being? Really think about what we've said. Despite everything, it's still you.” Kitty didn't close the door behind her.

Danny now sat in the empty room, the silence ringing in his ears. He knows that his friends make a very valid point but in all honesty, he's scared. He's scared of going outside of his comfort zone. The last time he did something so outrageous, his entire family got killed. The worst part, he didn't avenge them. He’s afraid that if he goes out to the Human Realm, the first thing he'll do is enact revenge. Then, he'll give all the humans a reason to agree with the GIW and all their misinformation.

He looked over to the frames that adorn the room. Really, it barely fits a corner of the wall. They mainly stay on one side of his room right by his bed. That way, he can easily look at them from when he lays in bed. It's not a lot of photos. He can count all of them with just one hand.

“It's been two years,” Danny began to speak, his voice echoing in the empty, “When are you guys finally going to show yourselves? I can't find your ghosts anywhere. That either means you're alive somewhere or you decided to die without any regrets.”

Nothing replies.

“You died not regretting leaving me alone. Just when we finally started being happy together.”

Nobody responds.

“I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing as King. If you guys don't like it, you'll just have to tell me to my face.”

There's no one else there.

[ryverbind]

Faceless Fixation (Sal Fisher): High Ground [27]

"Woah," A hand catches my elbow, clutching tightly to support my weight so I don't fall-- like my body was clearly planning to do. "Careful."

I sigh shakily, trying to ignore the raspy, mumbled words and the touch of his skin on mine-- especially the reminder of his first remorseful words to me months ago.

Sal releases my arm, lets his hand hover near my body for a moment before returning to helping me and Larry put my drum kit back together.

I bite down on my lips as I tighten a couple things and decide that Larry will take over the job of situating the kick drum because I clearly can't do it myself without threatening to fall on my ass. And given the fact that I'm being forced into close proximity with Sal right now, I'd prefer to not give him any reasons to touch me.

It doesn't help at all that I barely managed to stuff the necklace he gave Lexi into my pocket before he could see. He passed right by it while we were packing at my old apartment-- I thought I'd fucking faint. 

After Nate left that night, I tried to throw it away, forget about the damn guitar pick, but... I just couldn't. Something about it felt so sacred. It was the one good moment I had with him and some sick part of me wanted to hold onto that.

But now I regret ever tucking it away under a ton of clothes in my dresser drawer. I should've chucked it into the fuck it bucket. I don't want reminders of the person he never truly was.

I don't like Sal. I don't know what I was thinking the other night. Nate's insane.

I've had time to think about it and to grow absolutely petrified by the concept. How can I feel something if I'm terrified of it? That's proof enough for me. I was just too high that night.

And it's definitely not like I'm avoiding Sal now or anything. I'm doing great! He's helping with unpacking my things... even though I was the one who begged Ash not to invite him.

She offered up the idea last night after we finally finished unpacking everything in Larry and Sal's home. I was hoping that, since we finished our part, I would finally be able to catch a break from his presence. I can't explain the way my heart dropped when she said the boys would get here in the morning.

Given how difficult setting up this kit is though, maybe she realized what I couldn't. And maybe I just need to suck up all of these difficult emotions and just... get over it.

Ash had frowned at me last night and said something that made me realize I'm probably going insane.

"You know he thinks of you as a friend, right?" She'd said, putting her phone down to talk to me seriously. "You two still bicker, but I think it's because that's your dynamic. Other than that, he's changed around you and that alone says he cares to some degree."

I hadn't responded. I still don't know how I'd respond.

But given that Sal mentioned just a couple days ago, as we were packing up my things, something about us being friends... I've been thinking that Ash may be right. I considered him my friend up until that moment too. I had been thinking about how much our relationship had changed, especially during our trip to Nockfell.

Now, though, I feel like I've reverted backward. Even farther back than when we were constantly arguing. I've gone back to how things were before I even met him. I haven't said a word to him all day today.

There's an ominous crack beneath my fingers that makes me pause. I suddenly realize that I've tightened something way too much... a bolt. and I've damaged it in the process. Great.

Larry appears through the gaps in the instrument in front of me, his brows drawn together. "Damn, y/n. You good?" He asks, deep voice filled with concern.

Sighing, I plop into a sitting position, giving my calves a rest after leaning on my haunches for so long. "Yea, just distracted," I murmur, pinching the bridge of my nose. "I'm going run to a store to buy a new bolt. This one's fucked."

"Maybe you should rest first," Larry offers. I look up at him, noting a raised eyebrow this time and a small frown adorning his lips. "Seems like you have a lot on your mind."

I swallow thickly, knowing Sal is hearing every second of this being that he's just three feet away from me.

"Yea," I try to agree in a spritely manner, but my voice comes out hoarse instead. I clear my throat and try again. "Yea, I guess I'll... rest. You guys should, um, take a break too."

Larry waves me off, his face moving a way from the gap and being replaced by the top of his chest. "Nah, we've got this! Your task for now is to chill. No if's, and's, or but's."

I roll my eyes, my lips twitching in a smile that I try to stomp down. "Yes, sir," I reply sarcastically before standing to my feet. Damn, my back aches.

I try to stop myself, my mind and heart trapped in an endless, opposing battle as my gaze snaps to Sal. He's on one knee, the other propped up and his head tilted at what seems like an awkward, uncomfortable angle to look at something underneath my snare.

I squeeze my eyes shut and speed-walk to the door when a dull flutter lights up my chest at the sight of him. "Thanks, guys," I say quickly before slipping out of the room.

I walk leisurely down the hallway, trying to rid myself of the tingling sensation on my skin where Sal held me. As much as I love the hidden, forbidden moments when he touches me, the remnants make me itch. There's some part of me that's cowering in a corner, captured by fear and I don't know how to conquer it.

Sal already has his own issues going on with this woman who hurt him. It feels cruel to put a rift between us because I have my own problems too now. I don't know what to do, which causes my mind to drift to darker places, think different things. Like... maybe I should end things between us.

When I walk past our kitchen and into the living room, the first thing I see is Ash sitting criss-cross on the floor with a building manual beside her, a half-put together IKEA TV stand, and, funny enough, Nate's screw drive limply hanging from her hand as she reads.

The warm, afternoon light splashes onto Ash's angelic form from our large windows that cover a huge portion of our living room, allowing plenty of natural sunlight in. The sun's rays cascade down Ash's hair, illuminating the brown strands and causing a deep, sparkling red undertone to shine through.

She's just so pretty. Every one of her angles is the right one.

I walk over to her and look down at the manual. "How's the building going?" I ask. My voice makes her snap her head up to look at me. The light catches her viridian eyes and I can't help but marvel at the beauty captured in he gaze. "Need any help?"

She smiles at me, her expression softening upon realizing it's me beside her. "Nah, I think I've got it!" She says cheerily, flipping the screwdriver in her hand. "Why aren't you setting up your drums with the boys."

I purse my lips at the reminder. "I broke something," I murmur bashfully. "Need to get a new part, so that's where I'm headed. Probably."

Ash's brows furrow in surprise and she reels back to look at me better. "You broke something? You, of all people?" She blinks, eyebrows raising now as the confirmation settles. "Well, that would make sense. We're all stressed with the move and whatnot." She waves the screwdriver and moves to return to her building, but she pauses.

Unease boils deep inside my skin as I watch the gears begin to turn in her mind. She turns back to me with her eyes narrowed and continues, suspicion and disbelief tainting her voice. "Unless..." she starts, tilting her head. "You're avoiding Sal."

I cringe, pressing a finger to my lips to hopefully silence my friend. Gosh, this genuinely could not be worse. I feel like I'm gonna puke.

"I'm not avoiding him!" I whisper-yell to Ash, eyes practically bulging out of my head.

"Says the one who asked me not to invite him over this morning." She puts her hands on her hips and gives me a no-bullshit look.

I sigh deeply, scrunch up my nose in complete distaste-- in myself, of course. I shouldn't have been so obvious. Arguing about it isn't going to convince Ash otherwise and it won't change that her assumption is true either.

I open my mouth to tell her that that's not what matters, but she beats me to it.

The woman leans her head back and screams Sal's name at the top of her lungs.

I nearly jump out of my skin, my eyes widening when the impending doom of Ash making Sal and I talk or-- worse-- spend time together settles into my bones.

I hear a muffled curse, a laugh to follow, and then a door shutting down the hall. For fuck's sake.

Sal walks into the living room, stopping at the threshold with his arms gestured offensively at Ash. "What?" he scowls.

The beauty beside me rolls her eyes at Sal's attitude while I turn away from him, my cheeks catching fire. I hate all of this.

"You should go shopping with y/n," Ash chirps, ignoring the fact that she just summoned Sal with some kind of death call.

I spin to her, mouth gaping as I fight to bite down the resounding 'no' that desperately wants to leave my soul. Why would she suggest something like that?

"Why?" Sal asks the question I didn't have the voice to. "She seems more than capable of doing that on her own."

Aw, that's kind of sweet.

"Because," Ash shrugs. "You're..." she seems to think to herself, trying to find a good excuse. This is preposterous. "You're the only person that knows instruments like she does. Forceful bonding!"

Sal sighs deeply. I don't have it in me to look at him as he walks over to us. "What about Larry? He--"

"Yea, Sal," Ash says, her voice loud and reverberating around the room. "What about Larry?" Her tone is aggressive, suggestive. Like she knows she's about to shut him down.

Sal goes quiet.

"So," Ash's chipper voice slices through the tension rising around the three of us. I turn to her, noting the grin splitting her face. "See you later, guys!"

My gaze cuts to Sal. He's already watching me, his eyes portraying a multitude of emotions and thoughts that I couldn't even begin to decipher. He's so him-- he feels things so differently compared to me.

"Shoo." Ash hisses. I watch her hand wave us off in my peripheral.

There's no use fighting her. I should just get it over with. If we go quickly, it shouldn't take that long, right?

Not to mention, I'm the queen of avoiding absolutely anything and everything. My three identities says it all. If I can do that, I can do this. Sal won't even know what's hit him! We can let my awkwardness and issues fizzle out, let the silence consume until I'm better and then it can all go back to the way it was... unless it doesn't. Unless my sobering up takes weeks and Sal gets tired of me. Or worse, he starts asking questions.

With my luck, the latter will happen.

I run my tongue over the surface of my teeth then speedwalk to me and Ash's kitchen. Grab my phone, my keys to the apartment, and my wallet then I head to the door. My mind buzzes the entire way, especially as I skim past Sal both times. I hold my breath each time as if being in his proximity drags me into the depths of the ocean. He's the equivalent to Leviathan in his watery, dark home and I'm doing everything I can to evade his monstrous presence.

Though, he isn't the true monster in this story.

I open the door and leave it open for Sal to follow, which he does. The door shuts softly once I'm a few steps away and toward the elevator.

It's maddening. The silence. It encases the two of us in a mourning veil that's already become a safe haven for the tears, lies, and grief of what's been lost. It's poetic in a sick and sadistic way-- watching everything that was carefully built up teeter on the edge of what could be-- all to fall apart. Crafted and mastered by hands more skilled than a Roman sculptor; a musical antagonist and his chaotic protagonist.

I suppose, if I'm a protagonist at all, I'm not doing much good by shredding our agreement.

I pick up my pace and whirl toward the elevator, not giving Sal time to percolate in our tense disquiet. I put my hand against the sliding door and wait for his presence with bated breath.

The moment I see his fluffy azure hair pop up beside the door, I move. I press my knuckle into the lobby button and burrow into a corner of the elevator.

To pass the time and fill the silence that echoes around in my head, also to ignore the way his scent infects every one of my senses, I pull my phone out to search for a music store.

He smells the way he always does-- clean, a little minty, and some kind of hypnotizing cologne. I can never think straight when he's so close. Which, speaking of, he's very close to my safety corner. Maybe a foot away from me.

He knows what he's doing, the bastard.

But the scenario is becoming easier for me to work through. There's a shop that specializes in equipment for instruments only about 10 minutes away from us, so they should have what I need.

The elevator dings, comes to a sickeningly slow halt that makes my skin crawl with nervous anticipation. The moment the door slides open, I blast past the threshold like an inmate awaiting their release. Don't have to tell me twice; green means go.

By this point, Sal must realize I'm either in a rush or want nothing to do with him. My neurons are misfiring, ensnared in a battle of good and bad. I feel terrible for what I'm doing, but even more so, I'm horrified of addressing this entire issue.

I skitter through a door and nearly kick myself when the better half of my mind reminds me to wait for Sal before I take off down the road.

The man himself lets the door to our apartment building shut as he joins me in the hot, dry air of Los Angeles.

He glances at me, hair a perfect mess and a twinge of apprehension and curiosity in his oceanic gaze.

I dare to glance back.

"You're avoiding me?" He asks, tilting his head, hands in his pockets. The spitting image of confrontation.

Yea, the glance back could only last so long before I regretted it.

I hold my breath and spin on my heel. Fuck, he heard Ash.

"I looked up directions for a music shop. It should be a little ways down the road," I say instead of answering his question, pointing a finger downtown.

"Vi."

I don't look.

"I think a 10 minute walk maybe?"

"Y/n, you—"

"Let's get going before they close— for lunch." I cut him off, jutting my chin toward the bustling sidewalk. I take a step forward— one that's so uncoordinated that I just know I look like I'm scrambling away.

Then his hand catches my wrist. And everything moves in slow motion; you know, hearts surrounding the two of us, smooth jazz playing and a pink tint to our bodies.

I send a glare at the invisible cameras just in time for my body to jolt to a stop.

His fingers squeeze gently around my skin and I suck in a breath of air, too terrified to look at him.

"Look," he says, tone shockingly tender to match the way his skin rubs against mine. I swallow past the thoughts. Bolt. Bolt. Drums. Must get bolt. "I don't know why you're avoiding me, but if you want this thing to continue between us... we're going to have to talk." I hear his scuffed footsteps grow closer to me right until his voice is just an inch or two above my head. "I can't fuck you if you won't even look at me."

I do my best to suppress a shiver. He whispered those filthy words, laid a path of roses and sin with his voice alone to lead me back to him. And, God, I can't stand that I slowly start tiptoeing along the path.

I have to think about a lot of things. Most importantly, what he's just said. Sal is a man of very few words— when he isn't screwing me into next week, that is. But I can tell by his diction of choice that... maybe he thinks he did something wrong. He's caught on to the fact that I can't bring myself to look at him. And this is Sal. The first thing he's going to assume is that I've finally started to think he's ugly. If that wasn't a worry of his, he wouldn't still be wearing the prosthetic. Frenemies with frenefits or not, it isn't hard to get a read on his insecurities.

Second, Nate prepped me for this. We talked about what happened between Sal and me the other night, about trusting him. So shouldn't I fess up and tell him why I can't look at him? That it's because, secretly, somewhere deep down, I've been squashing this overwhelming urge to rip that prosthetic off him and kiss him until we're both breathless?

I can hardly even admit the last bit to myself.

You know what, in fact, I'm not interested in kissing him at all.

No. I'm just avoiding my feelings.

If I had a coin right now, and Heads was labeled as "I won't kiss Sal" and Tails was called "I will kiss Sal," I would flip it. And the moment it would land on Heads, the "I won't kiss Sal option," I'd realize that I've been lying to myself. Because I would be disappointed to know that I didn't get Tails instead.

Sighing, I squeeze my eyes shut, absolutely raving over the minute physical contact between us. This is turning into a problem for me. An obsession. I can't recall the last time I was so taken by a mere touch.

I turn to face Sal, my fingers quaking as I finally meet his pretty eyes. They watch me, narrowed and waiting.

"It's about the other night," I begrudgingly admit, my voice catching in my throat. "I— yea. We should talk."

Sal's eyes return to normal, no longer narrowed as realization settles upon him. "When you used our safe word?" He asks, but doesn't give me a moment to respond. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. If you want me to keep the prosthetic on or a safe distance between us, just tell me."

There's a pang in my chest again. This one isn't as dull as the others have been though— this one hits deep and it's raw and real and so pitiful because Sal thinks it's his face. Thinks he's the cause for this.

What have I done?

His fingers loosen around my wrist, hand beginning to fall away.

I reach forward quickly, grabbing onto his index and middle fingers. "No—" I rush to say. "It's not you. You're..." I don't know how to word what's going through my head. I don't know how to explain that the problem was never him— it's me. "I'm shockingly always comfortable with you. You know, despite the blood lust and arguments. You take care of me. It's not you," I can't help but repeat.

Sal looks down at our partially linked hands and that's when I realize that maybe I reacted a bit too passionately. Quickly, I release his fingers as a wave of heat rushes across my face. This is so embarrassing. Annnnd now I can't look at him again.

"Okay," Sal says, the word low and muffled. He sounds nervous. Awkward. "Then let's talk. My statement still stands."

I nod my agreement, voice caught in my throat.

If anything, he's open to communication. As scary as it all is, I owe him an explanation, right? The worst that can happen is he realizes I'm just insane and he wants nothing to do with me anymore. It could be so much worse.

The two of us begin leisurely walking down the street toward the shop. He falls into step beside me, eyes on the pavement beneath his feet. He doesn't say a word, simply waits for me to find my thoughts and my voice.

If I'd go this entire trip without speaking, he still wouldn't push me to explain. I both adore and abhor every inch of that generous ideal of his.

But the issue still remains-- I have no idea where to start. I don't know how to even comprehend my own emotions and problems, so how can I correctly portray them to Sal?

"I don't know how to start," I admit at some point, chewing on my bottom lip while my entire body freezes over with embarrassment and shame. Who knew communicating was so hard?

"I understand," Sal says comfortingly. What the fuck happened to him? Is this his serious voice? "I had the same issue. My therapist told me that not understanding your feelings is part of understanding them, confusing as that is. Give it to me in pieces and we'll figure out the rest."

Wow. Two weeks ago, he would have pounced on the opportunity to see me crumble beneath my instability. Now, he's coaching me through it. How much changed in Nockfell?

You know, the truth of the matter is that the change began long before we went to Nockfell. I just have a hard time accepting that. Change is terrifying to me-- that's no secret, so acknowledging that it's there in the first place is hard enough. But in all honesty, the shift between him and I began the moment he apologized to me in the bar where Dark Autumn Complex played.

That's where my downfall was born.

Instead of focusing on the root of the problem, I pay close attention to the sprouting leaves. The present. We can't change the past, we can only work on what's happening now.

"Change makes me very uncomfortable," I tell him, painfully aware of how emotionally bare I am to him right now. I'm the first to know that putting my heart in this man's disastrous hands can make all the difference in how things proceed. But if I want a positive outcome, this is my only choice. "And we've changed a lot."

Sal nods beside me. "We have," he agrees.

I suck in a breath, the perfectly timed scuffing of our feet vibrating through my body. He knows how our relationship has done a complete three-sixty too.

"And I think it's scared me. The other day-- in my room. That scared me," I continue, quaking fingers twining into the fabric of my shirt.

"I remember you saying you were scared," Sal builds on my words. This turned into the tensest therapy session I've ever endured. But, he's surprisingly good at this. "What is it that scared you, exactly?"

"Um," I start awkwardly, tilting my head as I backtrack to the events of that night. I relive it all, every single step. And where my heart seems to seize is when I recall the look in his eyes as they fixated on my mouth. "It was the way you looked at me." The words burst past my lips as the realization settles. "I thought you were going to kiss me."

A quick, muffled sound from Sal reaches me. I turn to look at him, seeing his head still bent toward the ground, but a hand covering the mouth of his prosthetic this time. Is he... laughing?

I lean forward a bit and see that his eyes are scrunched closed as his chest vibrates with laughter that I can tell he's trying his best to hold at bay. Whether it's to prevent embarrassing me further or to hold up the genuine part of our conversation, I can't tell.

I don't know why he's holding back, but, damn, am I relieved.

"Are you laughing at me, you asshat?" I pick at him, amusement making my voice waver with giggles.

"Sorry." He chokes on a short, wild laugh before holding a hand up to me. "I know it's serious, I just--" He chuckles a bit more.

A smile blooms on my lips at his reaction. I'd give anything to see his handsome face right about now-- to watch the way his full, scarred lips curl into a bewitching smile. To see his sharp canines and slightly crooked teeth on display. To watch the dimple form next to his mouth, his nose scrunch up, his marred cheeks lift with happiness, his brows furrow as he tries to contain himself.

I blink when Sal looks over at me, his eyes squinted with obvious amusement. My smile softens, so as not to give the true extent of my reaction away to him.

"That's not something you have to worry about," he says, catching his breath. He straightens himself a bit but stops his walking, fully turning toward me. "I won't kiss you. It's something..." He tilts his head contemplatively. "It's rare for me. I've only ever kissed Ash and, funny enough, your damn cousin."

How do I unpack that? Easy-- I don't. The first words out of my mouth are, "You kissed Ash?"

Sal nods, the action a tad reserved as he averts his gaze. "We were young. Both had a lot to drink and Larry's favorite kind of dare is one that no one wants to do-- he dared me to kiss Ash. So I did. Travis was much different though. It was a lot more..." He trails off and that's fine by me. I don't need to know anymore.

"Got it," I continue for him, the words clipped to tell him he doesn't have to say more. He snickers lightly.

"I wasn't going to kiss you. I just think..." he trails off again and that's when I notice he still hasn't looked back to me. He's biting his tongue. There's something he doesn't want to say. But, "I think you're pretty."

My heart stutters in my chest as I watch him, toss his words around in my head a bit.

"Everything that I don't have, you do. Your face is so... symmetrical, lovely. I can't help but watch how you do things sometimes. I was being honest— it fascinates me." Nothing but honesty in his tone. Dripping with honey and all things sweet. I didn't peg him as a sentimental guy, but when I'm wrong, it works out. I don't think anyone's ever said something so kind to me before.

How the fuck am I supposed to sleep tonight?

I don't quite know how to work through or accept what he's just told me. He thinks I'm so pretty that he can't help but watch me? That's a line out of a Disney movie. No, even better, it's Twilight. A Hallmark romance.

But I appreciate his honesty. He told me the same thing when I said our safe word-- that I fascinated him. That it wasn't what it looked like. He was never going to kiss me, he was just admiring me.

I can't tell if that makes me feel better or worse. His words were the coin and the side that landed is unfortunately the 'I won't kiss Sal' option. Maybe it's better this way. I don't have to worry about things becoming something they aren't.

I suck in a shaky breath and nod my head to show him that I hear him. That I believe him. There's this nagging in my head right now though. A little sliver of my brain that's fighting to get to my frontal lobe, begging for me to compliment him the same way he did me. And that sliver manages to work its way to where it needs to be because I start saying way too much.

"I hope you know," I start softly-- I can't speak louder or my voice will waver. I'm so nervous, I feel like I've done blood work without breakfast. "That you're very pretty. I was thinking to myself earlier that I'd like to see your smile."

Y/n, you're off the show. Pack your bags. Go home.

Sal's head snaps to me in a moments notice, the action so quick that I feel like he's given both of us whiplash. I definitely shouldn't have said that.

"So you get it then," is what he says, the words mumbled. "We both fascinate each other. We wouldn't have this arrangement otherwise, so that's settled, at least." He pushes a hand through his hair, ruffles his fringe. "Was anything else bothering you?"

Nope. That was about it. But I am curious. "You asked if we were friends?" I throw the question into the air, refusing to look at him as the sign for the shop becomes visible in the distance.

Sal hums in a disbelieving way. "I would never. Did you hit your head?"

My mouth drops open. "You literally told me, 'aren't we friends?' That's asking if we're friends."

"You know I didn't mean it that way. Can't you tell when I'm fucking with you?" Sal counters, scratching at his chipping nail polish.

I pinch my lips together, a flair of frustration painting my insides red. "So what are we then?"

Famous last words. This is exactly what MCR wrote about before they broke up. I'm fated to a chemical demise and, jeez, why would I ask that question? I'm making all the mistakes today.

The answer is that we're nothing. We didn't even start as something.

To my surprise though, Sal's quiet. He doesn't laugh, he doesn't freak out, doesn't argue. Like he's genuinely pondering my question.

"I'd say we're definitely past the enemies part, right?" He asks, looking toward me for agreement. His bright eyes that capture the suffocating sunlight meet mine and my body goes rigid on instinct. I give him a stiff nod and he faces forward, continuing. "We aren't quite friends though. To me, friends are people who know my secrets and still choose to stick around. Ash, Todd, Larry. Chug and Maple back home. I mean, The Faces are more like family to me, but you get what I mean." He cuts himself off for a moment before continuing. "I'd call us acquaintances. And you don't have to worry about there being any more change because you're the last person I'd ever tell a secret to."

I narrow my eyes at him. This dumbass. "I've seen your face. Isn't that a secret?"

Sal slowly turns his head to me, blinks. "You really want to talk about faces right now, sweetheart?"

I swallow, slapping a hand onto my mask as I realize what he's hinting toward. Fuck. And he called me sweetheart-- I need him to stop... I don't know. I just need him to stop existing or something.

This is the first time he's ever said anything about my face. I knew I wouldn't be able to escape it forever, but I wish it could have held off for a little longer. This is dangerous territory he's walked us into.

I'm openly gaping at him, I realize, with wide eyes and my fingers gripping onto my mask. His brows furrow a bit before he looks away. "Don't look at me like I stole your cat," he murmurs, aggravated. "I'd never ask you to take it off."

He wouldn't? "You wouldn't?"

He shakes his head, strands of hair falling onto the cheeks of his prosthetic. "Would you have asked me to take mine off if you hadn't seen my face by accident?"

As curious as I had been of what he looked like, he has a point. I never would have pressured him or even asked for him to show me his face. If I'd have discovered his face in another way, it would have been on Sal's terms. It would have been if he wanted to show me.

"No," I whisper, gazing up at the store sign that's just a few doors ahead now. "I wouldn't have."

"Exactly," he says matter-of-factly. "Do you feel better now? Are you done avoiding me or am I going to have a couple more days to relish in the fact that I made you fold?"

I purse my lips, desperately resisting the urge to punch him in the gut. "No one folded, dickhead. I was just confused." I spin to him, point an accusatory finger at his chest. "You switch up quick, don't you?"

A mischievous smile that's hidden from me makes his pretty eyes squint as he grabs onto my wrist, gently shoves it away from his chest. "You love it, don't you?" He counters playfully, though there's still some bite in the way he speaks.

I scoff, grabbing the door of the store and damn thankful for the distraction. "You are the ground I walk on, Fisher," I murmur.

"Mmm," Sal hums, a seductive edge to his tone. "Kinky."

A smile works onto my lips at the familiarity of our bickering. I don't know if he's started this up for my sake or simply because it's so natural, but I'm thankful either way. Things feel normal. There's still an overwhelming, underlying desire to have every inch of him I can get, but not having all of him is okay so long as the rest stays the same.

This entire situation was selfish of me. Sal's battling his own demons right now; I mean, part of why he came to LA was to escape his past. Who am I to take away the one thing that gives him a little bit of comfort? I can't help him much, but being a happily willing accomplice to his most sadistic desires is something, right?

I don't reply to him, especially since we've reached the store. So instead of entertaining his bad behavior, I pull the door open and hold it for Sal as he follows me inside.

As tiny and insignificant as the store looks from the outside, it sure has a lot of personality inside. The aisle's stretch as far as the eye can see and suddenly I'm intimidated by a little bit of stacked metal.

I chew on the inside of my cheek, thinking through my options and settling on the only one I've really got-- I need to go ask someone for help.

"I'll be right back," I murmur to Sal, distracted by the looming towers of racks and displays. Yuck, this is my worst nightmare, but it's for the sake of music. "I'm going to ask someone where to find the bolts."

"Why be social when you have signs?" Sal replies with logic. I look over at his skeleton-tatted hand when he lifts it to point at the aisle signs hanging from the ceiling. "Thought you were smarter than this."

"Shut up," I gripe shamelessly, pursing my lips as I navigate my way to an aisle that has something to do with drums. I pause though and throw an insult over my shoulder-- one I've been holding back for a while. "Repaint your nails before you take another jab at me."

Sal scoffs, a little miffed but not as offended as I'd hoped. "Never thought you'd be the one complaining about my fingers," he replies, snarky and proud. I hold my breath as heat travels through my entire body. Embarrassment and lust and everything in between. He knows just how to manipulate every situation to benefit him.

I wet my lips and slow my steps a bit, just for Sal to catch up with me before I can think better of my action. His fingers brush along the small of my back, just over the waistband of my jeans. "I have the high ground, Anakin," he whispers in my ear, voice muffled and raspy.

Dammit, not the Star Wars reference. It's even worse that he's right. I dug this grave.

Doesn't change the fact he's a nerd.

He passes me up, head tilted back so he can look at the signs, showing off the lovely tattoo on his neck. It doesn't help that he's in a black tank top due to his and Larry's working on my drum kit. The flower vines and geometric tattoos on his arms are burrowing into my soul the same way they wind around his skin.

He's so pretty. I hate him.

"Look," he calls a bit farther ahead, his head turning to see if I'm near. "You needed bolts right?"

I pick up my pace to meet him, looking toward the area where he's standing. Bolts and bolts drum covers and directions of how to assemble drum kits, all that lovely jazz.

"Perfect," I purr in complete delight, grabbing onto the size I need. "Maybe you aren't good for nothing, Sally Face," I chirp for good measure even if it is sort of a low blow.

"You could just say 'thank you' like a normal person, you know?" Sal throws the words at me, tossing his hands up in a shrug that all but baits me to fight back.

"To you?" I ask, tilting my head down to give him my best incredulous look. I turn away from him and begin walking to the cash registers at the front of the store. "Never."

I think I'm imagining it, but I swear I hear Sal chuckle a bit.

I ignore it, grinning as I pay for my beloved bolts. Sal is suspiciously quiet by the time I get my receipt so I spin around, expecting to see him behind me. But he's not there. I glance around only to find him hovering near the front door, his phone pressed to his ear and a hand on his hip.

Probably Ash.

I walk over, choosing not to say anything so he can finish his call.

His eyes meet mine when I get close enough and he holds a hand out toward me, distracted as he says a quick, "Okay. Yea."

I raise a brow even if he can't see it. What is he waiting for? Does he expect me to hold his hand or something?

Oh shit, what if he does?

He wouldn't, would he? Regardless, my heart races as I gaze down at his hand and wait for further instruction. My brain is short-circuiting and I don't know what to do—

Sal folds his fingers toward his palm, pushing his hand closer to the bag I'm carrying.

Oh, that's what he wants.

Still a little confused and hocked up on adrenaline, I pass the bag to him. His fingers graze mine and suddenly I have to fight off a shiver.

Now that he has the bag, he looks away from me to finish his call, fingers gripping the plastic handles of the bag.

"We'll be back soon," he says a tad monotonously. I can faintly hear a high pitched voice reply to him— yep, Ash. Then, he snacks his lips frustratedly and says, "No, I'm not getting vodka for you and Larry. You two make me play babysitter enough." Nothing but animosity dripping from his pretty voice.

I snicker, covering my mouth with a hand in an attempt to stop myself. Sal hears anyway and he throws me a dirty look. Mmm, kinky.

Sal grumbles a couple unintelligible words, then snaps out an irritated "Bye, Ashley."

He pulls the phone away from his ear and I hiss. "Yikes," I say sarcastically, watching as he levels his dead stare at me. Whatever Ash called him for, it's set him off for the next couple hours. I wonder how much I can fuck with him within that time range?

Sal releases an exasperated sigh and pockets his phone, gripping the bag tighter. I feel my eye twitch when the muscles in his arms flex with the tightening of his fingers. I should have directed that 'yikes' at myself.

"We're picking up lunch," he tells me, shaking his head disapprovingly.

"Oh," I whisper, the word barely audible. I swallow and try speaking again, using the power of God and anime to peel my gaze away from his bare arms. I am no better than a man. "What do they want?"

"Good question," he answers, opening the door for me. How... gentlemanly. I pass through quickly, watching as he follows me out before jutting his chin toward me. "Can you look up the directions? It's some Greek place that just opened up around here apparently."

My brows furrow. "Uh, is it called Ambrosia?" I ask, thinking back on the news update I got weeks ago about a new restaurant coming to my side of Los Angeles.

Sal glances to me, eyes narrowed inquisitively. "How'd you know?"

I slowly look toward him, keeping my stare as vacant as possible. "I'm psychic," I say, deadpan. Sal has the audacity to look even more suspicious of me, so I roll my eyes and pull out my phone, searching up the directions. "Because I live here, dummy. I heard something about it when we got back from Vegas."

"For your information," Sal starts up, elbowing my arm. "I'm pretty smart."

"Okay, Todd Morrison," I scoff, smiling down at my phone. Restaurant's about a mile from here. That could be a problem. The food would be cold by the time we made it home.

"I'm serious," Sal says passionately in a pathetic attempt to defend his supposed high IQ (which, I'm sure he'd say something about that too). His voice sounds a bit higher-pitched. It's no where near Ash's shrill, but there's competition. "Before The Faces took off, I wanted to work for NASA."

That's interesting.

I look over at him, choosing to pretend the early afternoon light isn't beating down on him perfectly right now. "Really? So, you're into science?"

Sal shrugs, watching his feet the same way he did on our walk here. "Sort of. I wanted to do more of the mathematical work, though. Since there's so much we don't know about space, I figured a space station would be interested in someone who knew how to code or was familiar with physics."

I blink, eyebrows raising so high that I'm concerned they may hit the back of my skull. Sal is so reserved, never talks about his interests. I'm thankful for even the awkward beginning of this trip with him because at least I'm able to hear this about him. Had I never broken that bolt, I wouldn't be standing here having the craziest conversation of my life.

"I never would have guessed that about you," I tell him honestly. I can imagine him in a white lab coat, surrounded by other NASA scientists as he stands in front of a whiteboard full of math equations that I'd never begin to understand. He'd probably be a great teacher; animatedly explaining his work with his hands, a deep understanding and passion for the logistics of space. It's sweet to think about. Maybe he'd have been happier working for NASA, maybe he never would have had so much issues with this mystery woman. Maybe he wouldn't have had to bother with me.

Sal looks at me again and the shape of his eyes shows that he's smiling softly. I feel bewitched in the moment, captured by the beauty of him opening up to someone. Watching someone learn to trust is even more captivating than lust.

"Wanna hear something crazier?" He asks, leaning toward me. He tries to hide it, but the tone he speaks with practically screams that he's excited.

I don't fight off my smile this time as I answer him with an enthusiastic, "Sure."

"I have a degree in Mathematical Physics and Relativity, and I minored in Astrophysics."

I gape at him, thoroughly shocked and amazed. This man has a college degree? In fucking physics? "You what?" The words explode out of my mouth and Sal laughs heartily at my reaction.

This absolute lanky tank of a freak walking next to me knows more about space and math than I know about my own body. This is tragic and terrifying and so amazing. I think I could listen to him talk about astrophysics for hours.

Yea, I think I'd really like that.

I shake my head in disbelief-- at myself, at him, at the fact that I never would have guessed this about him. This goes to show just how much I don't know about Sal Fisher. "Where did you have the time for this?" I ask, fighting past my braincells who rush to figure out the mind fuck going on right now.

"I graduated last summer," he provides me with the answer I wanted, but goes into more detail. I never knew I'd appreciate an explanation so much in my life. "I was advanced in math, so I started taking college classes during my senior year in high school. After that, I went to our local college and finished everything out there. Four year degree-- I finished at 22. Here I am."

He holds his arms out as if to show me all of him, like he's proud. I nearly gush at the sight, watching his eyes light up with excitement to talk about something he enjoys. I know our relationship is the opposite of perfect, but damn, do I admire him. I had no idea of the genius hiding behind that hard exterior of his-- but it's there.

I regret talking shit about his IQ. I probably have the brainpower of a limp spaghetti noodle compared to him.

I pause my walking, forcing myself to focus on the food issue for a moment. "Okay," I tell him seriously, holding my hands out to him in a 'stop' motion. "Ambrosia is a mile walk. I doubt you want to do that, so let's catch an Uber or a cab or something. I definitely want to hear more about physics though." I didn't think his expression could lift even more, but it does. I did that. And for once, his prosthetic doesn't look so expressionless. "Hey, side note," I continue, subtly cringing. "What's your IQ?"

"Ahh," he voices, looking upward as he thinks. Oh, that's terrifying. "I think a 133 the last time I took the test. But IQ's are an inefficient way to measure someone's knowledge, so I don't like to introduce myself with that kind of insignificant number."

Yea, his explanation said everything about how fucking smart he is. I turn my head away and keep a hand up to stop him. "Don't talk to me anymore," I grumble, and I can't tell if I'm being serious or messing with him because this information really is horrifying.

"Come on," he chuckles, taking a step toward me as his head bobs with laughter. He is thoroughly amused. "I need to talk to you if we're going to get to that restaurant. And not talking is the entire reason we got into this mess in the first place."

I shake my head ferociously. "Uh-uh," I tell him, pushing against him when he walks right into my awaiting palm. I can feel his heart beating calmly against my hand. "I've been fucking a dude with a higher IQ than James Franco."

"So what?" Sal feeds into this whole charade happily. "That just means I'm hotter than him. Case closed."

"Not another word from you," I hiss, cheeks heating up from his relentless flirting. He chooses the worst times to do this-- it's always when I'm about as unstable as a failed egg drop project... now I'm making physics references. Oh, this is bad.

And Sal's interest in space explains his Star Wars reference from earlier, so I guess that's something.

"I'll leave you alone," he laughs softly. "Just this once," he adds. I can't look at him. "But we're going to walk back to the apartments and grab my car. To hell with spending more money when I can just drive."

"Aren't you a famous streamer? How is money a worry? And what happened to you not driving in LA?" I hit him with so many questions that I start to wonder if his science is rubbing off on me.

"To answer in order: yes, it's not-- I just like to save, and California is a lot more open about disabilities than small town Nockfell. Are you ready to go now?" He grabs onto my wrist for the third time today and uses his hold to force me to face him.

I pinch my lips into a thin line and warily watch him. Though, I think my nerves are needless. I don't think I've ever seen him look so light before. He seems happy for once, the emotion reflected in the brighter color of his eyes.

Maybe Nate was right. Maybe I do like Sal and it's time to stop denying it.

"...Fine," I mumble, gently pulling my arm away from him. He releases me then spins toward the way we came, gesturing to the path.

On our walk back to our apartment building, I make the best decision ever and ask Sal about black holes. The entire ten minute walk goes quickly. He tells me about all kinds of math and physics things that I don't quite understand, but it doesn't bother me much because he's so excited to talk about it. The way he animatedly explains gravity and density reminds me of the time he recited Annabelle Lee by Edgar Allan Poe. There was so much passion in his voice then, but now it's amplified to the max.

By the time we get to the parking lot for the apartments, Sal is still explaining parts of a black hole to me. I'm enraptured more by his voice than the explanation, but I try my best to follow along.

He unlocks the car, lets me get in.

"-- and there's this point at the center of a black hole, called Singularity. It's badass-- compresses matter down to the equivalent of a needle point. Actually, infinitely smaller than that. But that's where all time and space is completely broken down. Everything you are, everything you know becomes nothing the moment you face the Singularity point."

He goes quiet and shuts his door, staring at me.

I blink, beating down the butterflies in my stomach with a bat. "Damn," I murmur. "Singularity would be a badass name for a song. Such a simple name for a terrifying concept. Imagine being completely erased from existence."

"Exactly!" Sal exclaims, turning his key in the ignition, making the car roar to life. "Funny that you mention music. There's a song called Singularity by a band that Larry introduced me to when we were younger. Ever heard of Sanity's Fall?"

I recognize that name. Larry's told me about them a number of times too. "I heard about them from Larry as well," I laugh softly. "Think it's related to physics?" I ask with a tilt of my head.

Sal snorts. "Probably not." He glances toward me, a smile still present in those pretty eyes. "But we can pretend it is."

He looks away and begins backing out of the parking lot, hand on the back of my headrest. I thought asking about his interest was my best decision today, but letting him drive us to Ambrosia definitely takes the cake. The hand-headrest move will always be my favorite.

But, as Sal began driving to the restaurant, an uncomfortable awkwardness settles over us. I don't say a word, he doesn't even glance my way. I realize almost immediately that we connected today-- after saying we wouldn't connect. I think Sal's realized it, too, given his abrupt silence after going on and on about black holes for so long.

We order and pick up the food quickly. Despite me arguing with Sal about how I can pay for my own food, he bought it anyway, claiming that, "Ash told me to get food, not you."

I hate it. I hate every second. Things were so nice earlier and now it's taken a complete turn because we've realized what's going on.

Making friends sucks.

We return to our new apartments, silent the entire way up to mine and Ash's apartment. We stand as far apart as possible, too wary to even share the same air. 

Everything is unbearable to the point that I start counting the steps until we make it through the door. Even Sal in his sleeveless shirt can't entice me to spare him a glance right now. The weight of our day is just too heavy.

I burst through my front door with a relieved sigh, heaving a bag of food onto the kitchen counter. I shed a bit of my anxiety when Ash and Larry flock to the food, Larry ripping into the bag that Sal's still holding.

The man hisses when the food threatens to fall through the hole in the bag. Sal impressively chucks his keys onto the counter then grabs the containers before they can hit the ground, holding them up with a hand beneath them.

I watch him with pursed lips, turning away when his head turns toward me-- I won't wait for eye contact.

"Oh, sweetness," Ash chirps beside me in her sing-song voice, poking my arm. I turn to her with a pleasant smile to encourage her to continue. "Friday, I'm leaving for Anaheim. Got a meeting with some streaming execs. I'll be back Saturday afternoon."

I blink, letting her words marinate. "I'm gonna be here alone?" I ask to clarify.

Ash doesn't quite understand that the question was asked out of fear because she answers with an excited little, "Yep! You get to do whatever questionable shit you'd like-- just as long as you clean up."

I gulp. I don't have the heart or the lack of dignity to admit that being alone in this huge apartment seems terrifying. I mean, I should be fine. There's nothing to be scared of, especially knowing that people have to check in at the lobby to even make it into the elevators.

Yea, I'll be fine.

So I hesitantly nod, giving her a not-so-confident smile in return.

My phone buzzes in my pocket, a welcome distraction from the internalized terror that's yet to come.

I pull the device out, holding it in front of me to look while my friends flock around me to get their food.

@violove keep tagging our mother she needs to know that her bf has betrayed her @toddslefttoe @VIOLETVIOLENCE @VIOLETVIOLENCE @VIOLETVIOLENCE MOM NORTH IS A NO-GO GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN @veeveehehe he only ever wanted to hurt you bb, go fuck his bsf @ashers10 i knew he'd hurt her, i just KNEW ITTT @larbearrrr bruh i thought they were just rumors bffr???

I gape at my phone screen, quickly scrolling to see the hundreds of comments on my most recent Instagram post. They all consist of the same thing-- something about North betraying me. 

With furrowed brows, I look up at my friends. 

"Uh, guys?" I start, tilting my head as the gears turn in my head. What the fuck is going on? "People are freaking out in my comments saying that North betrayed me. Do any of you know anything about this?"

Ash mimics my expression. "I have no idea. That's... weird? Maybe someone spotted him in another girl's comments."

Oh, well, that's not bad. I don't care about him going after another girl. He and I haven't spoken in weeks. Still, I jokingly tut and reply, "Guess I'll have to start planning a SpeedBump Grave." I groan. "Men."

I smile a bit, ignoring Sal's gaze as I look down at my phone again. I'l just ask everyone to fill me in.

@VIOLETVIOLENCE guys i'm lost-- what's going on????

It takes about .5 seconds to start getting some replies in.

@lerryberryuwu @VIOLETVIOLENCE omfg you haven't heard? @toodswithoutthed MOM oh thank god you're here we need to do damage control @ashypoo99 ur never gonna guess @veeveehehe STOP BEATING AROUND THE BUSH EVERYONE OMFG. some fan leaked that sally face and DAC are working together-- THEY'RE GONNA BLACKMAIL YOU AND GET REVENGE @violove @veeveehehe no one said anything abt blackmail? they're just working on music.

Oh. So that's what it is. Maybe Sal is going to be playing guitar for a song. But this is also a leak, according to my lovely sources.

Begrudgingly, I look up at Sal who has his prosthetic lifted enough to show the bottom of his chin while he eats. For a brief moment, I wonder why he didn't just take it off, but I have to remember that it's his life. Just because I want to see him doesn't mean that he wants me to see him.

"Sal," I call out to him to distract myself.

He looks up, eyebrows risen as he situates his prosthetic back into place to listen to me.

I wet my lips and look down at my phone again, feeling my cheeks warm. "Figured I'd let you know. Everyone's freaking out in my comments because, apparently, someone leaked that you and Dark Autumn Complex are working on music together."

He curses lowly, the word full of malice. I hear his fork drop and that's when I look up-- but he's already rushing to our apartment door, ripping it open and slamming it behind him.

I watch the spot he was in just moments ago, letting the odd scene replay for a second before I address Ash and Larry.

Larry looks rattled, Ash just looks confused. 

"I'm gonna go check on him." Lar says, chewing on the inside of his cheek. "I don't think he wanted anyone to know about that."

And then Larry's gone with him.

It's not much of a shock that they're working together. They're friends; I know that. What's shocking to me though is all of my fans coming to defend me, and then Sal's reaction.

For now though, I hope that the situation gets figured out for Sal's sake. As much of an asshole as he is, no one deserves that. Least of all him.

-----------------------

A/N:::: y'all i'm tired as FUCKKKKKK

i have no words. i honestly really fucking love this chapter FUCCCKKKKKKKKK x2

as always, leave some recommendations of things i can improve! i appreciate you all so much and i'm sending so much love! have a wonderful morning/day/evening/night! I LOVE MY POOKIES <3333

[begitalarcos]

Life Update

Hey Guys

I know I said I was coming back, and I fully intended to. Then I injured my back... badly

I ruptured a disc in my back on one of my lowest vertebrae and now have lost most of the feeling in my left leg :(

In the next week here I'm being scheduled for spinal surgery.

Strangely I'm doing okay. Since my last post a lot of things have gotten sorted (mostly family drama) which has taken a huge weight off of me. Then I fell on the stairs. I only fell down two steps but Ianded hard on my butt and then hit my back against the stair.

This was almost 2 months ago, and I was going to physio for it until my disability decided not to cover it. I was sent to an "Impartial" specialist who had the nerve to tell me that most of my pain was likely "Psychological" haven't had that kind of flippant disrespect about my health in awhile.

On the 30th of October I went to lay down for a nap, when I woke up just the act of sitting up left me in agony. My wonderful husband then spent the next few hours with me using hot and cold compresses and trying to help me get through the pain because the hospital said it was probably just sciatic pain... Halloween rolls around and I've lost all feeling in my left thigh.

I decided "FUCK IT" and went to emergency, where after a good 9 hours I finally saw a doctor who would take me seriously. And by that time my entire left thigh, part of my calf, and most of my back end and groin were completely numb. They took my sock off and my foot was grey. It was pretty scary.

The doctor there did a battery of tests for everthing he could think of, he did manage to get a bit of feeling back into my calf and foot with an injection. But everything else was still pins and needles. I had an MRI and well.. as you can see the lower disc was pushed so far out it was impinging on all the nerves to my left leg.

I spent Halloween and most of the next day in emergency. Had a lovely panic attack, got mildly sedated, there were no beds so I was stuck in a shitty recliner in a corner between two drug attics. One who wouldn't stop complaining and then throwing fits and the other who had some kind of blood borne illness with open sores. It was fucking terrible.

Today I had to drive almost 2 hours to another city to see a neurosurgeon who was also livid no one had done anything for me in over two months and said that even with surgery I may never get full feeling back in my leg (cries) This then followed more X-rays, blood work (7 vials taken oi vey) and an ECG.

Turns out I also have a rare heart defect - that only one other person in my family has - that causes my heart to skip a beat every third beat. They also (because I'm anemic) had to go through the process of signing a ton of forms for the possibility that I may need a transfusion during or after surgery....

This was supposed to be a short post I swear -_-

Thursday I have to go for a full physical and do even MORE paperwork, and then drive again 2 hours away to another city to have my surgery.

FML

So yeah, I still very much want to be creating and posting I just haven't been able to sit or concentrate much as I am taking pain killers (that do not want to work with my antidepressants) so I've either been completely out of it or just stuck doing one thing and one thing only (which has mostly been just riding around in RDR2 hunting, fishing and exploring) I also finished the new Zelda game cuz... well I've been laying down a lot.

Holy Jeebs have I been bored. In between that I've also been trying to keep GiraffeBarn active and get into a few local stores again.

2024 has been hectic and chaotic.

I'm hopeful that the new year will bring me some much needed peace and clarity.

So yeah, I'm not gone, I'm still lurking about and I still plan to post again (when I can)

I miss you all so very much (especially my wifey <3)

Hope you all are well

much love

B

[strawberryamanita]

Okay, so... hoo boy.

I try to acknowledge every time I make a political post that I cannot tell anyone what to do. I'm one irrelevant person, I'm not a political spearhead nor do I want to be one, I haven't been able to sway anyone about anything, yadda yadda blah blah blah. If this post gets completely overlooked, so be it. If I get verbally trampled-on by people who don't agree with me, so be it.

But while everyone else is causing a flood of coins on the floor, I'll throw my own 2 cents in.

I think what would be helpful right now -- just in this moment, for the short-term -- is getting through these feelings of worry and despair and panic that I see many posts on my feed announcing. The facts are in front of us: there was an assassination attempt, it failed, and that's worrying because it's gonna embolden the Right even further than they've already been lately. That's completely reasonable to be upset about, it's not irrational to see the danger this will put us in on the streets on the days leading up to the election.

At the same time, there ARE, believe it or not, some positive facts that are having an impact on your life right now. Trump had to go the hospital. He could possibly have a heart-attack. He could possibly go septic. He could possibly be assigned a medical professional that is brave enough to kill him. There was a person brave enough earlier today to show him and his following that enough people in the world hate him to want him dead. Social media being flooded with cheers that he was injured and laments that it didn't kill him is further proof to said willfully ignorant following that they are in the minority. Even if more US voters are enthusiastic about Trump as I type this, most of the world wants him obliterated, and that should be something to hang onto. So much of this is about ego and confidence of the Right. It's not in our best interest to let them think they have a leg up on us.

And the biggest piece of good news is, the US presidential election didn't happen yet! That wasn't the last stand right there, that wasn't the ballot count or the televised verdict. "Surviving" a non-lethal shot that didn't hit any important organs or arteries doesn't mean you automatically win an election. That didn't push an Eject button on Biden's seat to launch him out of the White House or anything like that.

Trump is not invincible. He is not immortal. He is not unkillable. And just because his cult of followers want to canonize him (though they wanted to do that before he was even elected the first time), that doesn't mean WE are obligated to throw in the towel and hang our heads and lick their heels. If it's cathartic or it's helping you de-stress, then by all means cry all you need to -- but we unfortunately can't afford to let this sink us into a collective depression.

He didn't win an election that hasn't happened yet. I promise you this. Look on ecosia.org if you need proof of who is in-office, since they don't use AI(currently).

And no, none of this is to downplay anything. I'm not living in a lie. I promise you, I've been making myself physically ill from the horrors of the world I've been exposed to, day after day, non-stop, on this fucking website. If exposing myself to the bottomless abyss of human evil actually desensitized me and helped me be less fearful, it would've worked by now, but all it does is exhaust me.

It honestly oftentimes makes me actively suicidal -- and I know for a fact I'm not the only one, especially after today, or when Trump was granted legal immunity, or any of these other awful past days. But if I killed myself before I did everything I could to keep this sinking ship of a country afloat just a little longer, that wouldn't be responsible of me.

So, if you're still reading, and not already typing out some response accusing me of things I already tried to tell you I'm not doing before you even finish reading...

Now is the time to practice being brave.

Look at the facts. Don't let yourself spiral from doomscrolling. Cry when you need to, and then keep going. Vote in every local election you can, attend protests and rallies, spread information from trustworthy sources to every social media handle you have -- and for God's sake, find something to keep you hopeful. Escapism is a survival tool: as long as you aren't using it to avoid reality, it doesn't have to be eliminated from your life. You will feel stronger if you let yourself recharge with moments of happiness, I guarantee this.

If you're too suicidal to keep going for yourself, keep going for someone else. It can be someone in your immediate life, it can be a stranger suffering overseas, it can be a child who hasn't been born yet that will see a future built on top of our present. Whatever it takes to keep you from giving up, put it to the front of your mind. Link arms with your Leftist siblings, and then make a habit of it. We cannot keep collapsing from the inside from the smallest of inconveniences, it helps literally none of us.

It's not over until they ring that bell. We have 3 and a half months, don't lose speed now.

I believe in you.

[neyswxrld]

fever

Kix x reader (gn)

summary: Kix takes care of you.

warnings: sick reader, mentions of almost throwing up, pain, taking meds

word count: ~780

advent calendar masterlist

a/n: it's kinda a cliché but well, who wouldn't want kix to take care of you?

The first thing you feel that morning is your throbbing head, together with your sore throat and the pressure of snot in your nose.

Tiredly, you sigh before pulling the blanket tighter around your cold body.

You felt bad for a few days now and were clinging to the hope that the sickness wouldn't fully reach you, but, as you realized a few seconds ago, it did.

Coughing, you try to reach a tissue on your nightstand, failing miserably due to your hurting limbs.

After a few seconds of rest, you bundle your strength and try again, finally able to rip it from the box and clean your nose.

As you swallow unwillingly, your throat hurts awfully. Whimpering, you bury your face in your pillow. It has been a long time since you were sick and felt that bad.

You don't even try to stand up until noon. Busy with wallowing in self-pity, blowing your nose and otherwise trying to sleep, you haven't found the strength to care after yourself. You drank too little over the day, eating didn't even come to your mind, and standing up is only necessary because of your bladder.

When you look in the mirror, you almost startle yourself. A red nose, too pale skin and dark circles under your eyes. You look as bad as you feel.

With a heavy exhale, you decide to at least make you feel a bit better with brushing your teeth. This also doesn't really work because you feel like throwing up as soon as you put the brush in your mouth.

After some deep breaths and a high amount of concentration, you finish your job without emptying your (empty) stomach and decide to make your way back to the bed again.

Just as you start to walk back over to the bedroom, you suddenly hear keys in the door.

Confused, you lean on the wall, thinking about who would come in.

"Hello?" you hear the intruder call. A relieved sigh slips from your lips.

"Kix!" you whimper and almost start crying as soon as he steps into your sight.

"Mesh'la? What happened?" he asks, worried. As soon as he sees you, he immediately walks towards you, trying to take some of your weight.

"I'm sick 'n' everything hurts," you cough, whimpering because of the pain.

Carefully, Kix holds his cool hand against your too hot forehead. "Feels like a fever. Tell me about your other symptoms," he tells you, and immediately changes into medic-mode.

While he brings you over to the couch, you explain to him what is bothering you and how wrong everything feels.

Kix nods, listens carefully, and unpacks some of his things, making scans and taking your temperature. You feel bad. He just finished his shift in the med bay, and now he was to look after your coughing ass.

"I'm sorry," you murmur as he helps you lay down on the couch and tugs some blankets around you.

"About what?" he asks, confused. "For being sick. You don't have to look after me," you explain and exhale relaxed as soon as you're tucked in comfortably.

Kix raises his eyebrow confused, before shaking his head. "You don't feel good, of course I'll take care of you," he says and strokes a finger across your cheek. You just nod.

After a few seconds, he leaves your side and walks towards the kitchen. You hear him rummaging through some things, before he comes back with some medication and a glass of water.

"Take that, okay? Then you'll feel better soon," he murmurs and helps you take the medicine. "Have you eaten anything today?" is the next thing he asks as he slowly strokes your hair.

Closing your eyes, you shake your head and lean closer into his touch.

"Oh, Mesh'la..." he breathes, and you open your eyes again, looking at him guilty. You know how important it is to have a good nutrition income, especially when you're sick. Kix tells you that so often.

"I'm sorry, Kix. But I just... couldn't," you whisper again. Kix smiles at you, a soft, understanding glint in his eyes.

"I'm going to make you some soup, okay? Stay here, you'll feel better soon and call me, when you need something," he explains, tugging in the blanket a last time.

He gives you a small kiss on your forehead, before walking back into the kitchen. After some time, you feel how your eyes start to close again, and how a quiet and painless darkness starts to swallow you again.

Kix is here now. He will take care of you. Everything's going to be fine.

TAGLIST:

@isthereanechoinhere96 @trixie2023 @freesia-writes

[fertilize-my-eggs]

The night stalker ch.4

The traumatic experience.

Ch.1 ch.2 ch.3 ch.5 A03

Never in my adult years have I experienced this in my life, I couldn't stop thinking about it, I feel like I'm going to throw up again. Once I told Katsuki what happened in seconds, they didn't drive far as they were back near me.

The police were in my room, looking at the evidence. I give them my phone because I show them the video from that sick man.

Katsuki pulled me closer as he rubbed my head, tearing running down his face as he was afraid of losing his friend.

“ I thought I lost you smiley. ” I patted his back as I nodded my head, too emotional to speak.

The policeman came up to us.” we’ll check the DNA of the hand and to see who it belongs to, ms.______ you have to leave this area make sure no one is following you right? ” I nodded my head as I pulled katsuki, the man nod his head politely. 

“ Excuse me ma'am, your room has been closed for now but you can take your belongings and we'll make sure the night stalker doesn't do this again. ” I nod my head as Kirishima and Denki told me that they will take my belongings since they don't want me to go back.

“ Hey smiley, you can stay with me for now, I won't let that bastard do anything to you. ” 

I nodded my head as I watched the police putting tape and telling others that the area is close.

*Three weeks later*

After living with bakugou for three weeks, these days have been acceptable but easy, I haven't seen or heard anything from the night stalker. I've had a stressful time in college and wasn't able to learn Japanese from that killer hunting my dream.

It gets worse as I remember it was him holding the camera now to him being fully naked and having sex with me as I watched in shock, he was covered in blood with the same smile when he pulled his dick out in front of me.

It was disturbing as I immediately woke up covered in sweat as Katsuki has worried expressions whenever I scream out loud.

I hate that man. I hated how he made me feel, it was unsettling but somehow my body was enjoying it and dirty talking in his native tongue made me feel some type of way, I couldn't describe it.

The police keep me updated with the case, they still haven't found him and makes this nerve wracking because I know deep down he is still looking for me and will find me soon or later.

My mental health gets worse and worse by the days as I curl into a ball as I cry out, the guys were helpful as they try everything to keep me safe but I know for a fact he's in the shadows.

Everyday, I keep looking behind me or anywhere, I can't sleep or eat food. This cost me to lose weight as I feel like this is heavy on my shoulders.

Bakugou put a hand on my shoulder as he pulled me close.

“ hey smiley, I'm sorry you've been feeling crappy these past few days. How about we enjoy a club with the guys? We'll keep an eye on you but also will help you loosen up. ” I widened my eyes as I smiled, I mean you haven't seen the night stalker lately this can relax my head as I said.” yeah let's go together, it'll be fun. ”

Katsuki texts the guys as I begin to take a shower, nice warm water will feel nice on my body.

I rub my eyes as I didn't think much, I'm excited to go to the club with the guys.

As I rub soap on my face and a bit into my hairs, it feels nice as I sigh softly.

Once I finished, I got out and dressed in a simple casual black dress that was a bit short on me but I was feeling pretty today. I looked at myself in the mirror with a smile as I headed out.

We agreed to get together in Kirishima’s car since he wasn't going to drink today.

The club was an hour drive away but it's fine. The sky got a bit dark as we headed inside to see the bright colorful light and booming music.

I couldn't hear anything as Katsuki was holding my hand as he whispered." Do ya wanna dance? ” I nod my head as we head to the dance floor, we're enjoying the good time.

Bakugou being a great dancer and gentle with me fills my heart with warmth as I watch Kirishima and Denki at the booth order drinks.

I couldn't help but start to blush, Katsuki being more obvious with the flirty, I remember him giving me a bouquet of roses, sometimes a love letter to me recently as I smile softly.

He pulled me closer as he looked into my eyes then my lips. I feel like this is a cheesy romance movie as he leaned in to kiss my lips. It was soft and gentle as we danced to the loud music.

Katsuki pulled me into an embrace as I held him close, we slowly removed away as we headed towards the guys while holding hands like young love teenagers.

They both cheer in joy as they clap their hands together.

“ wahoo finally!! ”

“ you guys are becoming official? ”

 I begin to blush as Katsuki pulls my waist closer to his.

“ I don't know, do you wanna be my girlfriend smiley? ”

My smile grew as I pulled him into a hug.” yes!! Yes bakugou. ” We share a sweet kiss as the guys scream in joy.

We sat together as we grabbed the shots.” cheers!! Cheer for the new couple!! ” Denki say as he throws the shot down his throat as we clink our shots together.

“ cheers!!! To us. ” we both share the shots as we begin to drink away, we end up drinking more then one shot as I'm getting loose and drunk by the minute.

I dragged Katsuki to the dance floor as we grind against each other, we began to have a heated sloppy kiss as we pulled away, Katsuki had a soft look as he whispered.” I'm going to the bathroom, do you wanna come? ” I shake my head as I say.” I wanna dance a little more kats~. ” he nodded his head as he left me in the crowd of people. I danced to the music as I didn't think much about it.

I don't know where Kirishima and Denki are at since they're probably talking to people to dance with or women.

I put my hands on my hips as I danced alone until I gasp suddenly as I looked down to see a pair of hands, I feel a body grind behind me as I giggle.

“ kats, you're back so soon.~ ” I grind back as the music gets more raunchy by the minute but no response… I didn't think much of it as I'm heavily drunk, I see the hands slowly go up to my breast as it greedily grips it harshly.

I gasp as I giggle, I turn around as I hug him smiling like an idiot.

As I look upwards to see if it is katsuki, my heart drops down to my belly as my shocked expression widens in fear, staring at the man that I'm hugging is the night stalker as he has a smirk on his face.

He leaned in to whisper.” Don’t cause a scene little bunny.~ ” he carcasses my cheeks as he coo.

“ we’re leaving already, act normal and don't make eye contact with anyone. Do you hear me? ”  I understand what he was saying as I feel like my life is over, he is going to murder me.

“ you're in big trouble for snitching on me about my special present, you don't like it? ” I couldn't speak as I feel my body is shaking, I need to find katsuki fast.

He leaned in, nipping my ear.” since you hate the gift that I give you.~ I'll make this ten times worse for you, say goodbye to your boy toy and the guys. ” We walked away from the club and into a red sporty car, seeing a man with black hair and full of tattoos and piercings.

“ Get in and don't make this hard for the both of us. ” 

Then everything went blurred afterwards.

[uniqueuglyness]

Hey guys!

The fanfiction is finally finished, and I hope you guys enjoy because for some reason this took me longer than it was supposed to. 😭 I am sorry if this was released too late, but atleast I kept my word and released it today :D. There will be a part 2 to this as well. Well, actually, it depends if you guys want me to make a part 2, or just continue the story with you own imagination. Let me know! :)

Anyways, enjoy this Lou x Reader fanfic :)

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Thinking of you~♡

Your laying on your bed, staring up at the ceiling. Its 9:03 in the morning and you haven't gotten any sleep. You try to pretend that you don't know why, but at the end of the day you cant push away your feelings.

The Institute of Imperfection isn't really known for much romance, but lately you've been wanting that in your life. You have everything you could ever ask for, sure, but you still feel like somethings missing, or someone. Maybe your just overreacting. After all, life couldn't get better than this, right?

You sit up from your bed and groan as you walk in your kitchen, the smell of (Favorite food) filling your nostrils. You open your silky cabinet for some breakfast when you suddenly remember what time it was.

You slowly turn you head towards your clock..(9:06 A.M). Shoot! You forgot you had to meet with Luckybat today. "Dangit, I should've kept track of the time! I have to meet with Lucky in 4 minutes!"

You frantically start freshening up, knowing you have no time to shower. You try your best to make your hair look halfway decent, which end up being a halfway success. You quickly brush your teeth, throw on some decent clothes and scramble out the door.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

(Luckybat's house - 9:13 A.M)

Dang, your 3 minutes late.

You hesitantly walk up to his doorstep, then ring the bell. It opens softly, and Luckybat stand there with a smile.

"Ah, (name), you came! The tea was just finished. Oh, and Lou is here too!

"Wait what?" You didn't know he was going to be here. I mean, you didn't have anything against him. You actually had a huge crush on him, in fact. I mean, who doesn't? But that was exactly the problem. Lou, your crush since forever, is here. To make things worse, you don't even look you best.

"Is something wrong?" Lucky asks curiously.

"No, no, everything's fine. Its just.." You lower you voice to just above a whisper.

" I came here to talk about romance, and, well..."

Lucky looks at you confused until a wave of realization hits his face.

"You- ohh.. I get it. Its okay, he's just here for therapy."

"Yeah, but Lucky, how am I supposed to talk to you about romance if me and him are in the same room? I wont be able to focus and I'll stumble over my words."

Luckybat looks at you with a reassuring smile. "Trust me, there is nothing to worry about. You'll be fine."

Luckybat leads you in the room where you see Lou fidgeting with his hands. The moment you step inside the room, both of you make a face with a mix of nervous and shy. Although, he doesn't seem surprised to see you. Lucky must've told him that you were coming already.

Your emotions start scattering everywhere and you suddenly feel like you need some air. Eventually, it becomes clear that somethings wrong. Lou looks directly at you, obviously concerned.

"A-Are you okay?" He asks vaguely. You stare into his beautiful sapphire eyes for a moment, then regain yourself. "Yeah.. yeah I'm fine."

Luckybat looks at the both of you, then clears his throat to speak. "I'll go get the tea." As Luckybat leaves the room, you gather all your courage to say something to the doll on the other side of the room.

"Lou?"

The doll looks up at you curiously.

"Yes?"

"Do you.. remember me?"

He stares at you for a brief moment, processing what you just asked.

"Of course I do. Your name is (name). Your the one who helped me with my job as a janitor for a full week that one time."

"Haha yeah.."

There is an awkward silence for a moment.

Lou clears his throat.

"So, what are you here for?"

Your cheeks flush a light red. "Uh, I-I'm here for u-um-"

Suddenly, Luckybat walks into the room with an antiquated tea set. He sets the tea set down on the table between you two, then sits on the left side of the table.

"Alright, Lou, let's start with you. Let's try something simple. What do you like to do in your free time?"

"Well, I like to.. um... actually, I'm not sure."

"Okay then, do you like singing, or dancing more?"

Lou takes a second to respond. "I think I like.."

As he keeps talking, you cant help but notice how cute he looks. He's just so.. perfect. There is not nearly enough words to describe how you feel about him. Soon you find yourself staring, and so does he.

"And also..." He stares at you awkwardly, but that awkwardness quickly turns into a glimmer in his eyes, his cheeks glowing red.

Now your both staring at eachother. Each of you have that same glimmer in your eyes. A glimmer that feels like you've known eachother forever.

Luckybats eyes are slightly widened and he briefly glances at the both of you. He then again clears his throat, this time being louder than the first. "Okay, well it seems like Lou is finished. Now for you, (name). Why do you feel that you need romance in your life?"

Lou suddenly looks at Luckybat confused, his attention obviously caught.

"W-Well um..."

You start to get clearly nervous. Clear enough for Lucky to notice.

"Nevermind, scratch that. How would you like to start?" Lucky gives you a smile and you smile back softly.

"Well, I'd like to first of say that..." you keep talking with Luckybat until he moves back to Lou for a while, then back to you. Eventually, the session with Lucky is over for you and Lou. You both wave him goodbye as you and Lou awkwardly stand beside eachother.

You decide to say something to break the silence.

"So, what are you gonna do now?"

"Uh, yknow, just walk home.. heh.. What about you?"

"Same thing eheh.." You both laugh dryly and awkwardly, but then Lou straightens up.

"I better head home. It was nice seeing you again." Lou puts on a genuine, soft smile as he turns away and starts walking.

As he's walking, you think back to the moment when you and him were in that room, glimmering sapphire eyes gazing into yours. It felt like time was frozen, and all that mattered was him. You know in your heart that you can't just pretend that nothing happend.

"Lou..?"

He turns back to you, a tired, but friendly look on his face. Its almost enough to make you blush, but you hold yourself together.

"About that moment in the room..." You decide not to be straightforward, and take it slow. You softly sigh and continue talking.

"Is there anything you want to talk about?"

He hesitates shyly, but seemingly gains courage to talk.

"Actually, there is something I want to talk to you about."

[nowoyas]

koi no yokan 16: stop the spiral (nishinoya yuu/reader)

First - Prev - Next - M.list - Ao3

A/N: HAPPY NOYA WEEK

Summary: You spend time around the Nishinoya family. Yachi experiences a normal day anxiety.

Warnings: blanket series warnings, depictions of the early stages of an anxiety attack, implied self-harm (for one sentence, non-explicit)

Words: 4300+

Time flies when your head isn't desperately trying to prevent itself from splitting apart. Two days takes you into a stage of recovery where Noya's mom tells you that you can go home if—and only if—you'd like to, and two nights of sleeping within arm's reach of Noya and not hearing from your father even though he knows you haven't been home in nearly a week takes you into just the right amount of risk-taking behaviors to ask to stay a little longer.

When you work up the courage to ask, you're sitting in the kitchen, legs swinging as you watch Noya's mom make lunch for the three of you. Satsuki's out with friends, Mei's studying upstairs, and Kaede's out. Apparently, Noya's grandfather spends a lot of time out of the house, just generally having a good time, so you're left with Rina.

"Um, Nishinoya-san…" you start, biting your lip.

"Please, Rina's fine."

"R-Rina-san, then…?"

She nods, not looking up from where she's slicing tomatoes. "Yes?"

"You know how you said I could leave whenever I wanted?"

Another nod. Her knife hand slows as she tilts her head to listen to you. "Of course. Now that you're well enough to handle yourself without too much risk to your health, I'm not going to trap you here."

"…is it also okay if I stay a bit longer…? I just, I mean, I don't know how Noya-senpai really feels about it or anything, and I guess Satsuki-san said she wanted me to stay, too, but, I mean—I don't want to impose, I just…"

She puts down the knife entirely. "Honey, you can stay as long as you like. I'm absolutely positive that Yuu is happy to have you here, and the girls all like you, too."

"Okay," you say. Rina makes you feel small in the worst way. Not looked down on, but vulnerable. "I don't think I'm ready to go home yet."

She hums her approval. Picks the knife back up.

"I, um, I'm feeling really good today, so I might try to go to practice tomorrow for a little bit to see how I handle it."

"That's a good plan. The doctor's orders said to slowly start returning to school and activities, so that's a good start."

"Oh, but—just in case I can't do it, um, don't tell Noya-senpai? I wanna go in the middle of the day, I think."

Another nod. "I'll see if any of the girls are available to walk you."

You smile and turn to your phone as Rina finishes making lunch, firing off a few texts to the newly-created manager group chat. The excitement buzzes already; you can't wait.

~

…or maybe, you can wait. Maybe you really, really can.

You wake up and there is no one here. Soba is not with you—she slept somewhere else last night—and Noya must have already gone to practice. He sent you a text, a picture of Soba with her face in her food bowl, along with a have a good day!.

You wish it helped. Yesterday's quiet excitement—coordinating with the girls in short bursts of texts over the course of the afternoon, talking Mei into walking you to and from the school today so you can surprise them properly and leave before practice is officially over—is gone now, replaced with a lump of dread that makes it difficult for you to swallow and the looming memory that your father didn't even notice.

Part of you wants to simply not show. Let them wonder. The other, more insidious part of you knows that you wouldn't be able to handle it if they didn't notice, either.

You roll over, flip over to the managers group chat.

[name] to Karasuno Managers!!! at 8:48

[name]: hey, uh, nix the return today

[name]: sorry

[name]: feel like I'm gonna throw up lol

No replies pour in right away. That's fine, that makes sense; they're at practice, they're busy.

You drag yourself down the stairs, meander into the kitchen to pick out the most meager breakfast you can get away with.

You stumble, head-first, into Mei in the kitchen. She's holding a plate of food, and at the sight of you, she blinks in surprise. "Oh. You're up."

"Good morning," you mumble. "Sorry for bumping into you."

"No, no, don't be. I made breakfast?"

You nod to the table. She joins you, lays down a plate in front of you and another in front of herself. You pick at it. It looks and smells delicious, and honestly, of everyone who's had the chance to cook for you so far, she's probably the best.

"Do you still want me to walk you to the school today?" she says after a moment.

Your hand stills. "I… I dunno."

She leans forward, chin resting in her hand. "What's up?"

"Just—just overthinking," you admit, probably because she suddenly looks stunningly like her siblings. "It's probably not anything."

"I don't want to needle you the way Yuu or Satsuki might, but if you wanted to talk about it, um… I'm good with overthinking. Satsuki says it's my best skill."

You stifle a sudden laugh. "Same here. Uh, Satsuki-san doesn't say that to me, but I mean—you get me." A pause. You take a bite of your breakfast, chew painfully slowly. It's not like you particularly mistrust Mei. And given that you do kinda feel your heart in your throat for no reason right now, and given that Mei's experienced with dealing with this…

Well, it probably wouldn't hurt.

"…I just kinda feel like maybe Noya-senpai's the only one who cares if I come back and maybe he just cares because he's nice."

She tilts her head, searches your face carefully. "Why?"

You cringe. You're in too deep already to back out, but… "I just… I don't know. I guess I just kinda always assume that no one actually wants me around? But, y'know, I'm kind of the bonus manager. I joined because I happened to be standing close to Yachi-san when Shimizu-senpai asked her, and we both just sort of agreed to it. And Shimizu-senpai is obviously really established and impossible to compete with because the guys think she's a goddess on Earth or whatever, and Yachi-san didn't seem like she was gonna stick around but not only has she stuck around but also she made these totally kickass posters for the team because they needed donations and like, that leaves me as the extra, right? She's actually done shit to establish herself. So now I'm, like… left over. And I'm sure they've spent all week realizing how much they absolutely do not need me around. I don't wanna go back and them not be, like, happy to see me, or whatever, but—"

You groan, dropping your head to the table. You stop short of what would have been a satisfying thunk, if only because you expect a lecture for mistreating your head that way under the circumstances. "This is so stupid. I haven't cared about having friends in ages. I don't get why I'm getting worked up about it now."

"I mean, I don't want to assume anything, but… isn't it just that you like being a manager? I think it's probably normal to want to feel accepted."

"I don't want anything. I don't like wanting things. It feels itchy."

"Well, do you think it'd help if you did something for them, too? Like, um, Yachi-san did?"

"Nothing's going to be as cool as those stupid posters," you whine. "They're amazing, Mei-san. They look like they were designed by a professional and everything. I can't make anything like that."

"Well, Yuu was talking about how you like to cook for people. Maybe you could do something with that?"

Your eyes light up a little.

You… you could do something with that.

"Mei-san," you say, picking your head up. "Are you busy today?"

~

Hitoka stares at the messages, heart thumping in her throat until it threatens to choke her.

She knows, okay? She knows that she gets her head caught up in things and trips down paths that no one else seems to think are worthy of exploring. She knows her imagination runs away, and her heart with it, at the slightest provocation. Usually, in hindsight, laying awake and mind racing, she can see where, maybe, her anxiety took over and dragged her into the realm of unreasonable, or she can follow those same paths deeper, depending on the night.

The trouble is that knowing that much doesn't actually stop the spiral. If anything, it makes it worse—between the they're gonna die or she's going to try to murder me is the constant backbeat, the stop being silly, the you're being stupid. Frustration and shame and embarrassment cloud it, make the panic worse. Sometimes she wonders how anyone ever puts up with her, her social missteps, her catastrophizing at the tiniest slights.

This isn't one of the occasions where she knows she's being stupid. Actually, she's pretty sure the new fear is well-founded. No matter how many times she rereads the texts, she falls short of any other explanation for them, anyway.

[name] to Karasuno Managers!!! at 8:48

[name]: hey, uh, nix the return today

[name]: sorry

[name]: feel like I'm gonna throw up lol

[name]: actually, when you guys see this, could one of you ask Takeda-sensei to meet me outside?

[name]: I gotta talk to him about something, but I don't want any of the guys to see me and get excited

Her hands shake as she taps out a response.

Yachi: no problem! I hope yuou're feeling better soon!!!

Yachi: omg I'm sorry *you're

Yachi: I'll let Sensei know and you can ytext when you're herer and i'll get him!!!

Yachi: *text **here ***I'll

She'd done as much. The sick lurching from the first time she'd read and replied to the messages lingered long after, lingers even now. It had lingered through the short work of tracking down Sensei, and through the short conversation in which she let him know what was going on with you. It had lingered through her teeth, her closed-lipped smile as she held her fear bundled up in her hyperactive heart. It lingered through the twenty minutes it took for you to send a follow-up text—I'm here! Can you send Sensei to find me?—and through watching Takeda-sensei slip out of the gym to speak with you. And then, in the time since then, it wells up and threatens to spill over.

She glances at the clock on the wall, protected by a dented cage. You've been talking to Sensei for almost half an hour.

"Hitoka-chan."

She screams, the towels she'd been carrying to hand out going flying at Shimizu's sudden voice behind her. Shimizu moves effortlessly, glides as she collects the dropped towels. Hitoka babbles as she joins her, some sort of overblown apology, made worse by her awareness of the guys on break looking at the source of the scream.

"Are you alright? You're looking paler than usual."

"O-oh, I'm fine!" she stammers, failing to pick up one of the dropped towels. "It's nothing! R-really!"

Shimizu hums, peering at her with a worried look, and she's screwing up again, she's making such a pretty woman worry about her, she's such a failure, such a—

"Are you overheated? You have to watch your temperature in this heat. It won't do any good if you get heat exhaustion."

No, her brain replies, emphatic. She's not going home, she can't, she needs to be here—

"I'm not overheating! I-I just don't want [surname]-chan to quit, t-that's all!"

"Quit?" Nishinoya repeats behind her, stunned.

She drops the collected towels all over again.

"Did she say anything about that?" Shimizu asks, and Yachi fights the urge to dig her nails into her arm to calm down.

"N-no, she didn't say anything, I just—she just—[surname]-chan was g-gonna come back today, but then she randomly said she couldn't b-because she was feeling sick, and t-then she came anyway to talk to Sensei about s-something? A-and they've been talking for a while, a-and maybe she's—maybe she's quitting because—"

She slaps her hands over her mouth. The sick feeling is finally gone—no more tension, only horror, racing horror through her veins.

She wasn't supposed to say anything.

Now you're going to be mad. Furious. Livid. How is she ever supposed to keep friends if she can't even listen to something as simple as a "don't mention this thing to anyone"? How is she ever—

Nishinoya snaps his fingers in her face and her out of her spiral. At some point, he crouched in front of her, expression serious. "You're gonna give yourself a panic attack. You gotta stop thinking like that!"

Easy for you to say, her mind supplies bitterly, and then she instantly feels worse for having thought it.

He laughs, smile wide. "True, it is easy! Y'know why?"

Oh my god I said that out loud—

"[name]-san doesn't wanna say it, but she really likes it here. She was really happy when I gave her the card and stuff from everyone, y'know? When I checked on her before bed that night, she was just looking at it and smiling. And she's always asking how everyone's doing when I come home. And when the doctor mentioned that she might not be able to go to the next training camp, depending on how smoothly her recovery goes—she'll be coming, with the way she's been improving—she got so pouty. She definitely wants to come back, you just gotta trust her."

"Y-you really think she's gonna stay…?"

He nods. "You should've seen the way her eyes lit up when she was talking to Nee-san about the team the other day. She tries to pretend like she's all aloof and doesn't really care, and she's definitely getting caught up thinking we don't want her here no matter what I tell her, but I can basically guarantee that the idea of quitting has never even occurred to her."

That…

is comforting, actually.

Maybe.

A little bit.

"You're… really serious about [surname]-chan, aren't you?" she asks.

His smile only widens. "Of course! I'm gonna get to a thousand proposals and marry her, you know!"

Impossibly, her heart does lighten a little. "W-well, if you're so sure she's not going anywhere, then I guess I can believe it, too."

He smiles. Nods. Darts off to chatter at Tanaka about something to do with you… sleeping with noodles? She definitely missed something.

"He really does act different when it comes to her," Shimizu notes mildly.

"D-do you think so?"

She nods. "He's been flirting with me since last year—if you can call it that—but… I dunno. It's like he actually calms down when he's talking about her."

"I wish I had someone like that," she sighs.

Shimizu raises an eyebrow. "Like him?"

"No! I-I'm sure he's perfectly fine, I just mean—someone I can be calm around. You know?"

She smiles. Tilts her head. "I get that."

~

Mei is fun to cook with. You talked to Takeda, worked out the menu and timing, and talked to him about your staggered return to practice. It was a good conversation, and you left with notes and a shopping list, and then left the store with the needed groceries. Mei lets you take the lead on cooking, helps you out dutifully while letting you control, and for a while, it's peaceful.

Then Satsuki comes downstairs.

She's in sleep shorts and a tank top, and she grabs a soda out of the fridge seemingly before she notices either of you. "Mornin'," she says, rubbing sleep from her eye.

"Morning," you chirp back.

"Satsuki, it's one in the afternoon," Mei chides.

"Afternoon, then," she corrects. "It's summer. When else am I gonna sleep in?"

"I guess, but…"

"Eh, let her," you shrug. "At some point we're gonna have jobs and have to beg our bosses for the chance to sleep in two days in a row. Might as well milk it now, you know?"

"See, you say that, but didn't you basically sign all that away for the volleyball club?" Satsuki teases. "Yuu, like, never sleeps in."

"Senpai's insane, though. He just like, wakes up alert. He lays down to sleep at a normal time and actually falls asleep. It's freak behavior, if you ask me."

Satsuki stifles a laugh. "Yeah, I don't know where that came from. Jii-chan's like that, too. It freaks me out. Morning people."

You clasp a hand over your chest in mock horror. "Monsters walking among us!"³¹

Her expression shifts into something more teasing as you turn back to preparing food. "Oh, speaking of: I noticed someone's been sleeping in his room at night."

"What can I say? Soba loves me."

Mei stifles a laugh. "I don't think she was talking about Soba."

You roll your eyes. "I felt bad making him sleep in the hallway, that's all."

"That's all? Ms. Single, I'm starting to think you might be a bit of a heartbreaker."

You set aside the prepped ingredients for now—you have to wait for the rice to finish cooking before you do anything else. When you turn, Satsuki has hopped up to sit herself on the counter, one elbow propped up against the side of the fridge. "I'm not a heartbreaker."

"So, you're in love with my brother, and/or in denial about being in love with my brother."

You cough, brushing past her to grab a drink of your own. "You Nishinoyas are really good at jumping to conclusions. Where did you even get that?"

"So I landed on something? If you're not leading him on, then you have feelings for him. I don't think that's a wild assumption to make."

You roll your eyes. "Noya-senpai and I are friends. That's it. I don't deny that he thinks I'm pretty; he's made that glaringly obvious, but teenage hormones are a hell of a drug. He'll get bored of me and give up soon enough."

"Denial, then," Satsuki nods.

"I hate to have to tell you this," Mei says, "but, um, have you met Yuu? He doesn't give up. Like, ever."

"Especially not with pretty girls. Like it or not, babygirl, he's not giving up on you until you're taken, and even then, probably not until you outright reject him. Do you have any idea how much time he's spent trying to catch the attention of girls who think they can wait him out?"

…oh. Yeah, you do. You're not exactly blind. You shrug. "Yeah, exactly. I'm not special. He'll find some prettier girl with less problems, of which you'll find there are many, and drop the idea."

"[name]-chan…" Mei breathes, brows drawn together with sympathy.

"You know that he's not gonna give up just because you're a little broken, right?"

"Uh, Satsuki—"

Satsuki rolls her eyes at Mei. "What? We're all broken here. So's Yuu. He's just better at not paying attention to his broken parts. If anything, I think he probably likes her better because she's not all perfect and flawless. Can't really relate to a doll, y'know?"

You drop into one of the seats at the table, resting your chin in your hand and carefully schooling your expression as Mei turns to chiding Satsuki for being too blunt.

It's not like anything said today has been news, except maybe the comment about Noya being just as broken, and even then, hardly. But it's easy to forget about the way Noya leaps for any shred of attention from Shimizu, the way he'll sometimes double-take at some pretty girl in the hall when you're taking lunch together, the way he fucking… audibly growls if he thinks some random dude might be interested in your senior manager. It's easy to forget all that with the way he looks at you.

He hasn't given up on her just because you're in the picture. Because you're not special enough for that.

It's not like he doesn't really feel something for you. He's made abundantly clear how pretty he thinks you are and how much he wants to be around you, and you don't think that's diminished just because he thinks other girls are beautiful or wants to be around them. He really, genuinely, feels all of that for every girl. But…

You let a sigh pass your lips.

What happens when he finds an equally pretty girl who gives him what he deserves? Will he give up on you, then? If you gave in, you doubt he'd stop thinking every girl alive is beautiful. If you gave him more, he'd only…

"Anyway, [name]-chan!" Satsuki shouts suddenly, pointing at you with dramatic flare. "All that's to say, I'm not gonna get into Yuu's shit with you if he hasn't told you himself, but he does genuinely like you and he's not just fucking around. Nor is he gonna drop you just because you've got some shit going on. You don't have to do this whole, clam up and protect yourself thing."

You raise an eyebrow. Now's not the time to depress yourself over things that hardly matter to you. "Uh-huh?"

"Uh-huh! If you're not gonna make out with me, and you're not gonna hurt him, then go for it."

You huff a laugh. "Right. I don't plan to hurt him, but you know everyone hurts everyone eventually, right? I've made my stance with him clear enough, so if he gets hurt… I'm not gonna say it's not gonna be my fault, but I will say I'm not going out of my way to hurt him."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that at some point, I'm gonna blow up, because again, broken, and if I'm too close, it's gonna hurt him. But like, I don't say shit I don't mean. If he actually keeps up with the proposals and shit and makes it to a thousand, I'm still gonna marry him. Even if I think it's a horrible idea on his part. Hell, if he manages it a thousand times and I'm already in a relationship with someone else, I'll break up with them."

She leans forward, nearly tumbling off the counter. Mei steadies her quickly, muttering a careful! in admonishment. "Oho," she says, not missing a beat, "interesting. When do we get to start calling you our sister-in-law?"

"Slow down. He hasn't even made it to a hundred yet."

"Uh-huh. How many is he up to?"

"Sixty-seven," you reply automatically.

"I think he's making good time. You're, what, fifteen?"

"Sixteen," you mutter.

"So he's got four years before you're actually legally able to marry him, he started talking about you like two months ago, and he's averaging more than one proposal a day. He's actually gonna have to slow down if the wedding is coming right after proposal 1000."

You shrug. "Assuming he doesn't give up."

"Again, this is Yuu we're talking about. Even if you got a boyfriend in the meantime, he'd probably punch the dude just to get to keep asking you so he doesn't lose time. Face it, you're either going back on your word, or you're gonna be a Nishinoya."

You don't know how to respond to that. The inside of your cheek is a little raw from where you've been chewing it. Are you stupid to be this serious about what was initially a joke? Are you stupid to hedge your bets on him giving up on you? It's not like you don't like his family. It's not like you don't like it here.

Mei pipes up from where she'd been lost in thought, tilting her head. "When was your birthday? It would've already passed if you're sixteen and a first year."

You wouldn't normally want to tell her, but if this conversation does not change subject ASAP, you're going to explode. "Couple weeks ago. The seventh."

Satsuki grins. "He's gonna be mad that you didn't tell him, you know."

"He'll get over it. I don't like people making a big deal over me."

Mei stifles a laugh. "You're a weird pair, then."

"I'm gathering. Do me a favor and don't tell him?"

Satsuki hums thoughtfully. "Mm, I'll think about it."

~

Somehow, you manage to keep a sea of prepared food away from Noya's prying eyes. The kitchen is cleaned before he gets back from practice—reasonably late, all things considered—and Satsuki has started in on making dinner, since it's her night. You and Mei let her in on the surprise, so she puts herself to work bossing Noya right out of the kitchen with a teasing go bother your girlfriend, this is a no boys allowed zone today. You're happy to let him flop dramatically across your lap as long as he lets you rest your book on top of him and he doesn't look in the fridge.

He scrabbles for the TV remote, apparently intent on replacing Soba for the night, and you stop yourself halfway to poking at a new bruise on the back of his calf.

You turn back to your book and try not to sigh. Perceptive bastard's gonna notice anyway, but you're trying not to let him, even if your throat feels like cotton when you try to talk to him.

Stop being ridiculous, you chide yourself sternly. It doesn't seem to work.

You just can't get your head off everything. You don't even know why it fucking bothers you.

You sigh. Catch his waist when he reaches too far and nearly falls off your lap. He successfully retrieves the remote, and grins up at you with his thanks.

"Fell for you," he teases quietly.

"Stupid," you reply. "You're gonna get yourself hurt."

Footnotes

31. ඞ

Tags: @deeplightgarden @idonthaveanameideayet @dusstory @kazunish

[thewritingofspencerrose]

A Grid Thanksgiving

Logan Sargeant x OC

"And that closes up this wrap up for Vegas, we'll see you all next week in Abu Dhabi," an official closes, glancing around the room for someone to take the microphone from him, Logan Sargeant of all people being the one to do so, stepping on to the stage in an unusual move.

"Uh, if the grid could stick around for just a couple minutes that'd be great," the Williams driver requests, drivers left and right sharing looks.

And they wait, the crews and principles exiting the room before Logan, now without the microphone, has everyone crowd around.

"What's up kid?" Daniel is the one to ask, one brow raised at the American driver.

"I actually was sent on a mission from the missus-"

"You have a missus?" Max asks, the idea setting in over the last few races that he may not be all that young anymore.

Logan chuckles, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck with a nod. "Yeah, I'm going to try to not take that as an insult."

"That's not what he meant," Charles corrects, waving his hand. "You just do not seem as the type to settle down young and we haven't seen any woman with you around the paddock or online."

Logan knows they're right, but that doesn't change the fact that he's tired of always experiencing these assumptions.

"Welp, for eight months now we've been married, her names Brooke, and she sent me to work today with one request."

"Which was?" Oscar questions, expecting something outside the box from the woman who somehow manages his close friend.

"If you all out be available and on location next Tuesday, we've rented a rental apartment rather than a hotel room, and she was hoping you all and your significant others may be willing to join us for Thanksgiving."

"Isn't that typically on Thursdays?" Lando asks, already knowing the answer but hoping for something more.

"It is, but with the race and everything we won't be able to make it home to be with our families, so she got her heart set on cooking a traditional thanksgiving meal for all of you," Logan explains, knowing the request may be a stretch in a lot of places. As much as they respect one another, they are also all still competitors, even if Max and Red Bull had already won. "Its just an open invite, she just really loves the concept of taking a day to appreciate what you're grateful for and keeps saying she's grateful for all of you, even though she only knows you two," He finishes explaining, gesturing to Alex and Oscar. "And none of you have to come, absolutely don't feel like you've got to."

"When will you need numbers by?" Max speaks up, giving the boy a rare grin for a competitor. "I'll have to see if Kelly and P will be traveling with me."

And Logan beams, because at the very least, at least a few drivers are considering the offer.

"Sunday or Monday, Brie isn't planning to shop for anything until Monday."

Max nods, a simple gesture to wrap up the impromptu meeting.

——————————————————————————————————

"Baby, you said to invite the grid, why are you so surprised?" Lo questions with a chuckle, making me want to throw my whisk at him/

"Because I wasn't expecting a good chunk of them to text saying yes! How does Lewis Hamilton even have my number?!"

"He asked me for it so I sent it in the driver's chat," He explains simply, taking a finished dish from my hands to the kitchen island that we set up as a buffet. "Who ended up being available?"

"Carlos, Charles and Alex, Lando, Oscar and Lily, Lewis, Max with Kelly and P, Pierre and Kika, Yuki, George and Carmen, and Alex and Lily," I list smiling brightly at how bustling this home will be in no more than half an hour. "Valterri and the Haas men texted saying they would love to come but they were going home for a beat instead of straight here," I explain, scooping the whipped topping into the bag and twisting it shut.

"Wow, half the grid, good job Baby," Lo compliments, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my temple.

"You're just lucky I didn't invite your boss just to get more baby snuggles," I can't help but jest, but he doesn't look remotely upset at the idea, smiling with a look in his eyes that I just can't place. "What's that look for?"

"You act like I wouldn't love to see you wondering around with a baby, although I'd prefer it to be ours," He admits, making my heart soar. It's before I can answer however that the doorbell rings, calling him away from a conversation we've had many times.

"Brie!" Lily exclaims as Oscar quietly follows her in, Lando following his teammate.

"Lils, it's been too long," I greet her with a hug, pulling both of the Mclaren drivers into hugs as well. "You need to come to more races, I'm always lonely."

"And what am I, chopped liver?" Kelly asks, announcing her little family's arrival, Max clapping Lo on the back as her little girl runs into my legs.

"B!"

"P! I've missed you sweetie," I coo, pulling her onto my hip and kissing her cheek, hugging Kelly and Max.

"P, what do we say to Brie and Logan?" Max prompts, smiling softly at his little girl and I.

"Thank you for inviting us to your American holiday!" She thanks, kissing my cheek before fist bumping Lo.

"I am so happy you all could come," I assure, looking around the progressively filling kitchen. "I love that we're all able to be together for one of my favorite holidays."

She smiles brightly, Max coming up to take her from me with the reasoning that I should be greeting guests as Alex and his Lily walk in, the Lily's being introduced.

And I can't help but smile around me, my heart warm as Lo joins me, wrapping me in his arms.

"Is this everything you wanted?" He asks, words whispering in my ear as he leans on my shoulder.

"Everything and more Lo, everything and more."

[8turning]

⌕ . . . moon jaeyun — stay behind !

moon jaeyun x gn ! reader ★ fluff. mutual pining. ★ wc 1.2k ★ warnings: none i noticed. let me know if i missed anything!

n. happy birthday to 8turn's resident puppy-bear leader ♡

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀〈 REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED ! 〉

your hands began to sweat against the plastic of the broomstick you held, continuously wiping along the wooden floors to clean the remnants of confetti and trash littered around.

"thank you," you heard from across the room - if jaeyun had spoken any quieter, you wouldn't have been able to hear him. "for today, i mean." he finishes his sentence with a soft smile aimed at the floor, seemingly too shy to meet your eyes as he spoke.

you watch as he continues wiping down the coffee table and shelves, clearing discarded cups into a nearby trash bag he set out for you both. standing the broom upright, you lean your weight on it as you watch him move, a smile of your own painting your face.

"you're thanking me as if you expected me not to throw you a party," you comment, eyebrows raising as you teased him. his grin only widens, eyes crinkling at the corners with genuine glee.

"well, y'know. . . i know you've been busy, and you know my schedule isn't exactly generous enough to give me much time off, especially not now-"

you could sense him beginning to ramble - the same ramble he starts whenever he feels guilt. in reality, jaeyun has no reason to feel guilty for spending his birthday with his friends, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he was being a bad leader.

the pressure of it all weighs down on him heavily - he's confided in you many times since he can't exactly confide in his members, not wishing any of them to feel it was their faults.

you lean the broom against your couch, making your way to where jaeyun stood, and placing both hands on his shoulders, firm enough to get his mind back to the present.

"jaeyun," you say firmly, shutting him up long enough to take hold of the conversation. "just breathe, okay?" you request, smiling at how he nods, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath through his nose, releasing it soon there after.

"relax today, nothing will go up in flames 'cause 8turn's beloved leader took some time to himself," you reassure, a soft chuckle escaping you as you raise your hand to pick some stray confetti from his hair. jaeyun watches you fondly, paying no mind to the slight prick! he felt from a strand of his hair being tugged - his attention was solely on you and how close you were to him.

it not like you two haven't been physically close before - leaning on each other's shoulders during long car rides, holding hands as you try to not get lost through big crowds, holding on to each other for dear life while playing a horror game; why did now feel different?

before he could find an answer, you pull away, smile still present on your face as you remain clueless to your best friend's internal troubles.

"c'mon," you say, your hands lifting from their place on his shoulders before you turn around. "once we finish cleaning, i'm sure you'll feel a lot better."

y/n's right, jaeyun thinks, taking one last deep breath before returning to cleaning, working efficiently under the promise of relaxation.

confetti-covered floors soon became spot free, the streamers that decorated the walls were now torn away and left over disposable cutlery was tossed into the trash bin. playing music proved to be a mood-maker, lifting the atmosphere to energize you both enough to complete the tasks.

with your last ounce of strength, you lift the trash bag by its strings, tying it off and setting it by your door frame for you to take out at a later time. joining jaeyun on the couch, the awful sound of him crinkling a half-deflated helium balloon could be heard from beside you.

you tune it out quickly, closing your eyes only to be met with the sound of a sharp inhale.

"y/n," jaeyun says, and before you could even open your eyes, a smile forms on your face as a laugh makes its way past your lips at the sudden higher pitch of his voice.

"you're so childish," you giggle, turning your head to meet his eyes - eyes that were filled with joy as he looked at you.

"as i was saying," he begins, pausing his sentence to inhale more helium from the balloon, pinching the opening with his fingers before he speaks. "i hope you know i'm grateful for all of the effort you went through to do this for me," inhale. "it means a lot to me that you've been my friend for this long and that you've stuck with me," inhale. "you've made such a positive impact on my life, and i hope i've been a good addition to yours-"

"jaeyun, i really can't take you seriously when you sound like that," you say, brows furrowing apologetically as you smile, trying to hold back your laughter. "you're saying such nice things while sounding like- that!"

you watch as he practically ignores your words, lifting the almost empty balloon to his lips once more. "i don't-" he cuts his sentence short with a giggle. "i don't think i'd be able to say any of this if you looked at me with a straight face," he admits, and you humor him, nodding along to his next sentence.

"thank you for doing this for me; for gathering my favorite things and people and everything- just, thank you," his voice returns to normal near the end of his sentence, all helium leaving his lungs as he lets out a sigh at the foreign confession of his feelings.

without much thought, you reach across the couch and take the balloon from his hands, quickly finding the hole and sucking the rest of the helium from the balloon - jaeyun watches you amusedly as you pull the metallic decoration from your lips.

"you're special to me, jaeyun," you begin, watching as his eyes soften immediately, a smile gracing his lips at your heightened voice. "you're special to a lot of people. it's okay to take a break y'know?" the helium begins to fade, but you continue. "you're doing great, you have no reason to worry."

as your voice returns to its normal pitch, jaeyun's eyes never leave yours, his shoulder leaning into the back of the couch as he watches you contently. maybe it was the reassuring words he was told that made a warm feeling spread through his chest, or maybe it was because you were the one saying them - that's something jaeyun put a pin in to think on later.

acting on instinct, he leans forward, wrapping his arms around your neck and pulling you close to him. the position is awkward with how you both sat on the couch, but neither of you seemed to mind as you rubbed your hand along his back and his thumb grazed over your nape.

"only you seem to know exactly what to say," he admits, his voice low as he sighs. "i kinda hate that."

he chuckles and you join him. "maybe that's a sign."

a sign to what? you aren't quite sure, but the way jaeyun replies with a small "maybe it is" is all you need to hear before your heart skips a beat, realizing he was thinking of something you weren't. while jaeyun held you in his arms, he realized this is exactly where he wanted to be, if you let him.

© 8turning 2023.

[tippenfunkaport]

WIPs Status Update

I am fairly confident no one cares what I am up to, but I haven't done one of these in ages so I figured I should.

In Progress Fanfic

Outlaws of the Whispering Woods

This fic is on temporary hiatus because I'm working on finishing it as part of the @wipbigbang. Participation in that event means I can't update that fic again until the posting period starts on September 8th BUT that once that posting period begins, I should have both art for the new chapter as well as regular updates through November until the fic is done which should be exciting. 

That said, there is still like 60k ish to go in that story so if it looks like I'm not going to be able to get it all done in time, I might swap it out for the Chipped Glimmer fic which has also been languishing in WIP hell because it's shorter and easier for me to get done on time. I'd prefer to use the event as a kick in the pants to finish OotWW, though, so we'll see.

Prince Glowyn the Fourth

This fic is 100% complete at last, I just have one chapter left to post and will be doing that sometime within the next week.

Going There

Just about four years after I started it, Going There is finally done as well! (Literally just finished it today!) "Done" in this case means I finally rewrote the back end and filled in the missing connecty bits I never wrote the first time so everything's written, it's just going to take me an unknown quantity of time to edit and post each of the chapters. But less time than rewriting it all took so I expect those last few updates to come fairly regularly once I get them started.

Coming Home

I have always said that I wanted to wait to continue this fic until Going There was done so now that I have finally finished it, the sequel can get my attention more regularly again. That said, with everything going on with the WIP Bang, posting the rest of Going There, running the Big Bang and posting my own Bang fic (plus, like, all the other IRL stuff i have to do this summer), I really don't anticipate getting it updated anytime before the fall at the earliest and even then who knows.

Also, because this is my last in-progress canon fic I'm not in a huge rush to get it out there, I'd rather take my time with it, so I'm fine with that timeline. It'll get updated when it gets updated.

Area First Ones

In my head, this is episodic and while i have five chapters written, I have some things I want to add in between so it's not as simple as just cleaning and posting those. So basically, this one will be one of those fics I update when I update here and there with no set timeline other than my whims.

Coming Soon!

My Big Bang fic is called Horse Girl Everyone and it's the long awaited Riding School AU! 

That one is going to be longgggg and basically never-ending and episodic (seriously, we're over 50k words and while Catradora have been circling each other for chapters Glimmer and Bow literally only just met and you KNOW how I feel about Glimbow). I was hoping to write enough in advance that I could do some kind of regular update schedule at the start but because I'm also running the Bang and having some annoying medical stuff going on, I think that's not happening.

I've written a ton in advance, don't get me wrong, I just don't see myself having time to revise it all and post weekly with everything else going on. But we'll see!

Anything else?

Well, yeah, lots of stuff but it's not fandom related so I can't tell you about it. ;-) Though maaaaybe I might have the chance for some of you to help me beta some of my original stuff in the near future if you're willing so keep an eye out for that.

I'm trying to have less things in progress at once so, though I have other fanfic projects in various states of completion, I'm purposely not going to even think about posting any other multi-chaps until GT and OotWW are done. 

One shots and shorts? Yeah, I'll be throwing those up randomly as the mood strikes, you know how I roll. I'm eyeing up the Domaystic 2024 prompts to see which ones call to me right now.

So I have other stuff planned for later but I'm not even going to tease it because we'll see how everything shakes out.

This year has actually been absolutely horrible health wise but weirdly productive writing wise so it's been a mixed bag but at least nice to get some stuff done!

[regular-lord-reckoner]

it is spring time and appropriately, i have been a very busy bee !!

i'm on much needed pto and it is wonderful. i somehow managed to get completely caught up on all my work before i left so i'm not stressed about when i go back next week

i've mostly been sleeping a lot which i desperately needed and i've been doing a lot of things i've meant to for a while now

namely scheduling doctors appointments and updating my insurance everywhere i need to and that sort of shit, plus some legal stuff my mom and i are doing for some of my dad's stuff.

since monday i also started finally working on my closet again. i had to stop last time and toss everything back in there because...yeah, but now that i can spread some things out again i've made a lot of progress so far

every day i go in with the goal of getting out at least one bag of stuff to throw away and i've also moved out a bunch of clothes i'll need to sort through and a few other things i might be able to give away

feel like i can actually breathe in there again so that's nice. needed that. i'll probably work on it some more over the next two days and then take a break but it should be a lot easier now that i've really gotten the ball rolling to finish it up and fingers fucking crossed this time it'll be all done by the fall where it can just be my nice closet again and i can actually find things !!

i also finally went to get my oil changed today and fortunately there were no other problems so that went smoothly !! i got it washed, too (not that it matters now because it's pouring rain outside now lol) and i stopped to get my mom a birthday card and a gift bag for her present since her birthday is on monday !!

other than all of that i'm just trying to take it easy and unwind. trying to still rest a lot and not push myself too hard or do anything i don't feel up to.

for the past, mmm, i dunno, while i've just been full of piss and vinegar if that wasn't evident so i've tried to just be real quiet and keep to myself until i can feel less overwhelmed.

i'm still in that time out corner for now but i'm starting to feel a lot better so that's something! i've been doing a lot of cleaning lately as well (i did my bathroom on monday and will be doing laundry all throughout the week as week as well as the usual dishes and garbage duty) so that usually helps me feel a bit better.

it's also very cathartic just...throwing a bunch of shit away !! and having more space !! yay !!

oh, i also finally had therapy again after like...a month and i'm not sure yet what my new insurance situation will look like, but i think we're all happy to be done with my old insurance (she was telling me about something weird they did that i just...cannot fathom (something about mailing her a paper credit card that no one would accept ?? idk), but oh well, good riddance !!) and i'm slowly but surely working on paying her back !!

lastly, i tried a new coffee place today because i'm still trying to figure out which local coffee spot will be my new favorite now that i no longer haunt starbucks or dunkin and i went to this new one today and i....i definitely ordered a chai...a 32 oz one at that because why not, i love chai.... whatever they gave me definitely was not chai.

i'm not sure what it is exactly, but it's definitely got coffee in it and i thought at first maybe it was a dirty chai but no. and it's no big deal, i took it and just drove on but what's baffling to me is i was the only customer at that time.

nobody in front of me, no one behind me and maybe they were doing a mobile order or something but i had to sit there for a few minutes while they made it and it was...not at all what i was expecting, but also not bad !! haven't had an iced coffee in a minute so i'll take it !! (they also put a little chocolate covered espresso bean on the top which was very good)

anyway, i thought that was kinda funny. i've also finished all my chores and errands for the day now so i might take a nap or i might read or who knows what i might do, i actually have time to myself !!!!

just wanted to give a little update since for once it isn't me just bitchin' about things XD

hope if you're reading this that you're doing well and i'll be back to being a human (or as close to it as i get) ....sometime !! <3

[ecosyncrasy]

100 days of productivity

4/100 ( "a little progress each day adds up to big results" - Satya Nani )

didn't post earlier today because i had to get out of the house earlier than normal for work. very proud of myself for being able to keep up the study habit with this many hours at work. usually i'm exhausted and i don't push myself that little bit extra to do anything else, however going to bed at a decent time has FOR SOME REASON helped me out. imagine that.

also finding that i've been so hungry so any sort of structured course in my life that i'm really disliking being taken out of doing the work. i'm having fun practicing MATH of all thing and learning to enjoy it as i have been and overcoming the math trauma has been super empowering. i haven't been doing anything too hard but it's really validating that i can learn and understand fundamental concepts that i've been scared away from for so long. when i was younger and having shitty math teachers through high school ( plus me not knowing how to ask for help from anyone ) i was so frustrated. everything i ever wanted to REALLY do seemed locked behind high math concepts that i wrote myself off as 'too stupid' to understand.

when that wasn't true at all.

all of this studying and really throwing myself at this pursuit of something greater than what i have been doing has been... not easy. definitely painful. i've been out of that horrid place for almost two years now -- it finally feels like a sort of rebirth after stasis. it felt a little silly ( in a good way ) but i ended up dedicating the work period ( as a further step in this rebirth ) and my dinner as an offering to those intangibles that have helped me get this far. as well as test the waters with some worship. bring a little magic and whimsy that i've lost back into my life.

today's goals:

work 10-2 ( last short shift of the 13 )

finish up some cleaning chores

complete section 3

Other notes: tried a suggested 15 minute timer with 5 minute breaks for 2 hours of study. hated it. we'll try 30 and 10 next time and see how that works out. should see if there is a way to change the default settings for the timer in Spirit City.

tomorrow is a long hard day ( truck day at the pet store -- lots of heavy stuff ). so in the name of productivity after the work day im dedicating it a night to do something for me. relax. do some self care. might make an occasion of it with a hot bath. break out one of the tarot decks. watch some dropout. we'll see!

[idleglowingpixels]

I Started Typing A Regular Post When Oops It Turned Into An Update Post (Mainly about MH-AU & XXY)

Just spent the last couple hours give-or-take on completing Cleo's profile, which I'm excited to be releasing later today! Her post is scheduled to release around noon EDT (I scheduled Lagoona's and it made things a lot easier to post her at a reasonable hour so I'm doing that from now on cause OH MY GOD :'D). She will be the last in the current set of character designs/bios I have prepared.

I have one teensy tiny more MH-AU goodie for Halloween before I get back to XXY full-time (dw I have been working on it in the background, progress has just been super slow cause I'm trying to finish the fic's outline). I will still be working on the MH-AU, don't get me wrong, just not as my top priority cause my PPG followers have been patient enough with me for more XXY content. I do plan on making another series of character design/bios, this time focusing on the mansters since they actually serve a purpose in the fics other than "the boyfriend" (Sorry they didn't do too much in a majority of the movies okay, I love them in the webisodes tho!). And once Cleo's post drops, I'll make a masterpost for the MH-AU since there's enough out now that I feel it necessary; keeps all the lore organized and junk. I'll have it linked in my general masterpost for quick access should anyone need it for reference. If they are updated at all later on, I'll make a post about it.

My current oneshot WIPs for the MH-AU are: - My equivalent to G1's New Ghoul @ School (tbh I might just use that name cause it's so iconic and I can't really come up with anything better lol), which might end up becoming a SMALL multichapter should it require that (3-6 Chapters max). There's a lot that goes on in Frankie's first week, more than the original series of mishaps unfortunately (poor Frankie :'D), and it also sets up a lot of stuff prior to the first week of school for them that I think is super important to their character. - Taking A Lycan To New Salem (Working Title), a short story about one of Clawdeen's human-side escapades gone wrong. (I want to talk about this one SO BAD but alas, it'll have to wait til I finish the fic. I'm already 1k words into it!) And I have several more in mind that I can't wait to write and share. Until then, I'll keep you guys posted!

(Random side note: I had no idea how many of these characters were gonna have a criminal record like holy shit dgfhgsddfg)

---

I've been in a super artsy mood so if I can manage to actually complete a sketch of the team, I really wanna post a drawing of XXY as a whole (I tend to ditch my sketches after 1-2 characters are drawn q-q). I also really wanna draw the "Normie Trio/3" as I call them, consisting of Robin, Mitch and Mike. I eventually wanna draw more characters that get redesigns from age, alterations in the case of the reboot villains, and such, but I think I just needed to get into the art mood again cause now I actually plan to do these things! :D

Also, while progress has been slow, I'm gonna assume from my current status that I'll be able to complete XXY's next batch probably around the end of this year, to be released in January. I'm so sorry to delay its release to January, but please understand I am really passionate about this story and wanna make it the best (and most fun) I can make it. And I'm not gonna go out and say "hey this is exactly how many chapters there'll be," but I might end up making about 70 chapters total including all the intermission/MultiPOV chapters, but that remains to be seen.

I do have good news for you guys, however; considering where the story is headed, I've realized I'm gonna need to throw in another intermission chapter at the end of this batch, with a new character's POV! They haven't shown up yet, and won't until that chapter, but believe me when I say I am VERY VERY excited to write it and I really love this character. The chapter name for them is super appropriate too lol.

While I'm here I'm gonna drop the chapter titles, as they don't really reveal anything. The previous theme was weather patterns, focusing on the coming and going of rain and shine. This one's flowers!

Chapter 8 - Gladiolus Chapter 9 - Hyacinth Chapter 10 - Spearmint Chapter 11 - Coriander Chapter 12 - Hibiscus Chapter 13 - Violet Chapter 14 - Jasmine Tobacco

Hope all the little tidbits I shared hold you guys over and get you excited for the coming months. Thanks as always for your patience!