#I havnt done it in a while and I want to get back to it

[tutuandscoot]

2/17 Practice deep dive analysis

Part 2

So as they are about to be called to start as the other team has finished, they stop with their little conversation they were having as they lapped the rink. It’s like when they go into dance hold, whenever they are in it they are in ‘business mode’. It’s like ‘ok no fooling around now’ (not that they do), but.. like they are in business mode and they of course are fully serious when they skate around holding hands proper (the handy holdy/pinky hold) but it’s more ‘professional’ in the stricter sense of skating. I hear it in my head (in reference to a different moment where they were switching from proper to dance hold- here they weren’t holding the going into dance hold) as him (or her) saying, ‘ok kiddo, show time. I have to be your partner now’. It’s feels odd to analys it and share my take on it since I have no clue if this is how they actually interpreted it, but it’s like the proper hand hold is more friendly, more coupley, more ‘I want to hold your as close as possible’ where as dance hold is more occupational. I just find interesting to watch them go in and out of that, like as soon as they take dance hold- specifically as they enter for their practice run through/performance, it’s like ok, serious time. And it’s beautiful because they immediately go into that zone and their roles in the partnership are immediately established and they are there to do a job. Ok what it is is: In regular hold they are equals as in best friends who see each other as equal humans who love each other equally but in dance hold they are equals in the sense of their shared responsibility and commitment to their dance partnership and the different roles they both have to execute to perfection. Also this here isn’t the only time- there have been many where they manage to change holds/take hands right in the blind spot of the camera so it’s like a magic trick they are suddenly holding 🥰

The ✨drama✨ as they present. You can tell mentally before they present they’re in it and focused, switched to the same frequency, but as they present they A R E their characters. And what I love about how they have always done this, is the subtle way they set the tone. I’m quite off put by the way many teams do it, whether it’s some ultra characterised entrance (which if it suits the program fair, but often it’s too corny) or a lot of teams would just be overly “sensual” and it didn’t feel real, then others where they had some flashy ‘thing’ as their names were announced then just slumped back over and made their way to position (I can give examples of all of these if you want me to). But with TS it’s all internal - which is the same way they’ve described how they feel and create movement together- it comes from their emotion or the psychology of the program whether it’s them or their characters’ psychology. So here they present and he’s immediately stalking her with a sinister, seductive stare, wringing his hands, feeling that sensuality in himself. Her projecting that tantalising femininity, doing so much yet so little- so much of it is coming from her eyes. It all comes from the inside out with them and because they are physically stunning athletes, so trained, so aware of how they look and relate to each other, that internal self talk/mantra, the story they have put themselves inside they can convey physically- BEFORE they even start dancing.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone talk about how impactful this opening is. I also don’t think I have ever seen them this far apart on the ice in a choreographic sense. Obviously in ice dance, there’s the general rule that you are never to be more than an arm length (so fingertips touching) from your partner (excluding static start/end poses) which to be fair most teams (that I’ve watched) do generally stick to but you do see frequently partners far apart either choreographically or bad tracking ie things like twizzles. Anyway. The fact that they start so far apart is so impactful. Obviously within seconds they get close together and touch for the first time in T H A T lift (seriously what a GOAT era way to start a program). We all rave about how powerful their connection is and they dance so close the intimacy is burning, but what’s so cool is how they can do that from this far away as well. They can quiet an arena to being able to hear a pin drop. Everyone stops what they are doing because it’s as if they are staring lasers at each other. What they can do with literally nothing, just standing 10 metres apart looking at each other.. is insane. The emotion, power, chemistry, etc they project is like nothing else and all this to say is physically this is a simple, potentially nothing opening but what they do with it even before they move or the music starts I don’t think anyone else could- make you feel conflicted between feeling like you are intruding on something very private yet simultaneously unable to look away- and they don’t want you to. 🔥

(I’m just going to use one gif to talk about this but it applies to the whole practice). Something about this run through was just so effortless. I know this is the start but by the end they are moving just as freely and energetic as the beginning. It just looks so easy. So assured. So exact and precise yet not devoid of charisma, humanity, being in the moment. And in writing this I think that’s what they meant by achieving *EXCELLENCE* instead of perfection. (BRB having a mind blown moment).

I love their movement quality; the silkyness, the way they merge out of appearing as one figure- one being and then splitting in two. In moments they do move differently and interpret movement differently- ie in the ‘roxxxANNE’ *head head* moment at the end of the twizzles- there is a slight difference (which is perfectly fine) but in moving together like this here- they were just so made to dance with each other- that statement does not take away from the COLOSSAL amount of work it took them to get to this point, but I feel like you can say they were both made for each other and worked hard to be the best the can possibly be at moving together- those two statements don’t contradict each other. Also the rhythm of the way they move. There is moving musically to the rhythm/melody/beat but then there is their internal rhythm that is connected to each other’s (and it actually is because the make damn sure it is every time before they skate) and that makes up a huge component of facilitating things like lifts- the rhythm of how lifts work and contributes to making it so seamless- neither of them is rushing or doing more or less work than they need to. They are moving together rather then either of them doing more work then the other or against what is natural for the movement to work. As I said it’s so precise and just looks so natural.

… (following on from that point and without wasting a gif bc it applies to the whole thing) the way they emote during this practice is something else. There’s practicing the emotion or faces bc it’s part of the program but then there’s being emotional bc you truly love it and love being those characters- that’s what you feel from them, that it’s so honest and the love of what they get to do just pours out of them whether it’s practice or performance. And I kind of feel like even though this is so incredibly close to perfect, them knowing they are so ready, they are kinda playing with the performance a bit. Esp from him- it feels like he’s just letting go and fully embodying his character to a point that isn’t as controlled as the actual competition performance was.. and how cool that they can do that. Most people you have to drag emotion out of but them… and (side note) there’s that bit of Scott saying (in the context of finding himself as a performer, and I’m also gonna add- not that he said it but I feel like it’s true based on other stuff- he just wanting to do his best for Tessa and be amazing for her) how he might push the acting or emotion further than what he thinks his necessary and that’s when T says ‘that’s it I love that’ 😭 (sorry just take a moment to visualise scootie getting all excited when T says she loves what he did- he always felt he wasn’t the dancer/performer she was so when she says she loves that he trusts her with his life he knows that’s what she wants and loves oh my heart❤️‍🩹). So yeah, them being the performers that actually have to be pulled back sometimes because they give so much- which I was always taught it’s so much better to have to pull back a bit that having it dragged out against your will.

(Bc I’m never gonna miss an opportunity to gif this)

I’ve probably tried to explain what this is before but just let me do it again.. I know to the laymen eye this looks like them being super sexy and seductive for the sake of it and them forgetting they are in public and don’t want people to know about their super hot and sexy secret relationship🙄.. But just use your brains for a sec and remember this isn’t some fake af reality show and in fact they are at the most important event in their athletic careers- their craft and yes, JOB they have dedicated their lives to. They are the best athletes in their sport, meticulously rehearsing the routine that will win them gold.. again. The way these practices work is their music will play in full and they will practice pre-determined sections of the routine with music then before and after do the missed sections without music. The said program they are practicing is Moulin Rouge!, a famously seductive, romantic, sex driven story in which they are portraying very complicated characters with both true and impulse- driven motivations. In their sport of ice dance, it is required of them to act and portray their characters in an understandable sense through movement and facial expressions as well as interpreting the music whether it be instrumental or with lyrics. As part of this story exploration both in the workshopping/choreographic process, and once completed, it is customary for dancers to play with movement that does not become set choreography in the piece, for exploration purposes and even as a matter of being ‘in’ the character and finishing moments off with reactions that are not choreographed, but emerge almost unprompted as a matter of being in the world you have created. THAT’s what this is. They knew they were not continuing with the choreography, so instead, because they are so ‘in it’ they continue with physically bringing to life the internal dialogue they both are reciting in their heads as they dance-dialogue that is far more complicated and nuanced that the 4 minutes of program choreography. It’s beautiful to think about them diving head first into bringing this story to life.. the most important decision of their lives was to find their perfect FD, and they did find it, and it makes me emotional to think about them every day in the early phases of creation, them just exploring everything they could do with it- the romantic parts, the violent parts, the sex and seduction.. creating something from nothing is the most beautiful thing we can do as humans and they had done that their whole lives and now got to create something that was truly setting their hearts on fire. I doubt they ever wanted to leave that place- being in the head space of that beautiful, heartbreaking story and so I don’t blame them at all for spontaneous moments of improvisation where they could just BE those characters. Then of course the moment after is the best bit- how they turn to each other and break and you know how much fun they are having. They LOVED what they got to do and it breaks my heart that people thought they couldn’t just love what they did and that was that- it couldn’t be that simple, and yet it was and the smiles on their faces say it all.

I alluded to this in my super long analysis post on this lift that when they practiced here, they almost did it too good.

What I mean by that is they kinda over popped it. They use to term ‘pop’ to describe their execution of lifts, there is a crucial moment when they both have to be in the exact right place at the right time, use their coordinated breaths, plié, trajectory etc to make the lift happen.

In saying this lift is ‘over popped’, it looks to me like Tessa got slightly more air than she usually would off the back flip launch, causing Scott to catch and rotate her slightly earlier and higher in the air, where usually, there is typically more of a forward and downwards height she is at in the dive where he would begin the anchor point and manipulation of getting her to sitting up. (All this is more easily observed in video format). In this instance any semblance of a typical ‘lifting’ motion is erased (not that this has much of a typical ‘lift’ motion to it anyway) because she has all but launched herself to the height of the (sitting up) lift position. The rest of the movement continues *excellently* and without having scrutinised it like I have it would maybe be hard to tell, but comparing it to the performance version (and this is not meant as an insult or a bad thing) this looks a bit over excited where as the performance (from a movement perspective) is controlled and calculated.

I really want to hear from them the actual decision process for both changing the lift initially for the team event, and then going back to this. I imagine when they got to Seoul for their private practice between events there was a conversation like ‘so we’re going back to the original lift?’ and someone else went ‘yep’ and then they both said ‘yeah F*ck it this is what it’s suppose to be and we want it to be so as long as we do it perfect..’.

This in general is such an incredibly beautiful moment. They’ve just been through this big, traumatic event and it’s like he’s checking her to make sure she’s ok. The way he looks at her the whole time through that circling movement, bends over so far to legitimately take her in- as I said earlier, not just doing it because it’s the choreography, but because he as both Scott as well as his character adores her and is actually taking a moment to let her rest and make sure she’s ok (😢🤧). There’s some really beautiful photos of this moment and it’s one of my favourites in the program given it comes after such a memorable, highlight moment, it’s easy to forget there are beautiful, more nuanced moments that are all critical to the story- not just fill in chore. I also really love how they tried to keep- even if it changed chronologically and choreographically a bit, the moment in the original ending- the moment from Manon when she does the falling angel arabesques then the twist into the fall back and he’s caring her dying body through its final moments, there were times where he would kiss her (body) in that moment and with this it’s a bit different given the position he’s not really able too, but they’ve kept the intention and emotion of that moment in this revised version.

Also just the way he handles her. I know I go on about it a lot and it may seem like I view it as one-sided between them, but it’s not in the respect of a hetro relationship, it’s in the respect of dance partners and duty of care the man has over his woman (and I can speak on this because I’ve had partners that treated me well and others that didn’t) and Scott treats her like a freaking angel. I’ve said before the way he holds her head and anytime he’s holding her in a position where she’s lying back, how important it is in those positions just safety wise to have your head supported properly if not by someone else then yourself, holding your posture/strength correctly as to not injure your neck- which Tessa would 100% be doing anyway because she is so strong and well trained (and now this is where a bit of body language stuff comes in I guess which I am not an expert on) but the way Scott holds her like that- holds that part of her oozes of such commitment and attentiveness to her safety- the way he holds her all the way out of that position to standing straight, like he actually putting her back to vertical, where he has all her weight anyway- she has to do almost no work to get out of it and that’s just an extra (significant) level of care he has over her physically. And yes it’s also in the way he stays so close to her and the way he looks at her with the eyebrows doing */\* thing 🥹

When I said the other day that the thing I go softest over is their utmost and constant care of each other, well also way up there is their love for dancing together. You just know they do- you don’t get a connection like their’s without loving it (T has now said a few times that for a long period of their career she didn’t *love* skating.. but I do believe she loved dancing and skating with him.. just not the sport of skating). So knowing it and being able to believe it is one thing but when it comes out- uncontrollably pours out of them like this it’s something else. The way after the spiral they are basically making each other laugh with how much they are enjoying themselves. Both unapologetically singing, how it seems to have left their stream of consciousness that this is a practice for the ..Olympics.. and not just dancing for fun. So many athletes competing at the olys- the majority know they are not competing for medals- they are there for a PB- time or score and to have fun, and I’m sure they try to soak in the experience as much as possible. For the potentially medaling athletes- the ones with a good chance or are expected to win- they are there to do a job and have a lot riding on their result- TS were the favourites in almost every competition they entered in their senior careers (except for the first couple years) and if not favourites they were never far from the top (never lower than 6th as seniors). They put their whole careers and legacy on the line with this comeback and this result mattered a lot to them, and to many others. So how intimidating must it have been for all the other teams on this practice- 2 low ranked teams, one mid-ranked and one potentially top 5/bronze contender team, to be on the ice with the greatest team in history- expected to take it all, all the pressure on them, to be having THIS MUCH FUN and enjoying themselves THIS MUCH. Being THIS good and having THIS MUCH FUN being THIS GOOD. And in writing this I’m just now remembering how they said (when they came back to competition) that when they were on their 2 year break they would go to comps and watch other teams be taking it so seriously and not seeming to be having fun, and when they came back they wanted that to be a priority. To enjoy it. And they even told each other before every (competitive/performance) skate (but I’m sure everyday in practice too) that they are so lucky to have each other and love what they share and just have so much fun spending their days together and want to enjoy every minute of it.. (Scott- or I guess Tessa, can I please borrow that bucket the rice was in to soak up my tears, please and thank you). 😭😭😭😭😭

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

[ladyelissarose]

Pls pls pls it u havnt done this already (if u have LMK) but ghost comforting civilian!reader who is really sick but they are in denial and want to go to work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello babes!! No I haven’t done such yet so here you go!!!

Thank you sm for the ask too!! Makes me happy🤗 Let me know what you think…

————————— ☠️

“Darliiiing… please stay it’s.. it’s too early-“

Simon Riley’s words slurred a bit as he whined into his pillow, growing upset at the feeling of his hand on the side of your bed, feeling the fading warmth from when you were there minutes ago snuggled up by his side.

“Simon I have a presentation to give at work today for the new employees and I’m already running late because I couldn’t stop trembling in the shower and feeling dizzy- woahhh….”

Simon immediately lifted his head from his squished and hugged pillow (something he wished was you instead under him as he squeezed you impossibly tight and refused to let you go) and he looked at you with wide eyes as he caught you holding onto the wall maintaining your balance, with a hand holding your head as your doe eyes were screwed shut, as if you were in pain. Before you could move you felt a pair of warm steady hands clutch onto your chilling waist and give a light squeeze with soft words,

“Love you ok?”

To his sweet words you desperately wanted to say, ‘No love I feel awful please carry me to bed and hold me until it stops.’

But you had a mean boss that wouldn’t take sick days kindly and pile excruciating triple work to make up for it, something you passionately hated because the hours were sickening and the work was close to slavery.

And plus, Simon had just come back from a long mission and all you wanted to do was take care of him, love on him, cook and do all the things for your hard working man, so.. you reluctantly stood straight and mustered your best smile. “Oh love I’m ok, just got a little dizzy, I think I- oh!”

Soon that warm hand found your forehead followed by Simon gasping lowly,

“Darling you’re burning up! No no, we need to- love!!”

You snatched yourself away from him as you stood up straight again and put your foot down with a supposed authority,

“I’m fine Simon! I promise! I took a hot shower and and- we’ll you know I got to go. Get back in bed and rest, you have a lot of hours to make up for sleep because- we’ll you know-“ Simon huffed out and placed a hand on his hip where his sweats hugged him nicely, and the other pinched his crooked nose while he breathed heavily through it.

Why in the world did he get stuck with such a hard working woman who was just as stubborn as he was? He didn’t know, but he loved you regardless and would do anything in his power to break you, to protect you before something else did and hurt you.

Simon could see it in you, he’s seen it in himself; the tired dark circled eyes, slumped shoulders probably stinging in pain from trying to remain straight, the slight quiver to the lips because your holding all the unsaid words in, and the fiddling fingers attached to shaking arms, aching to be held in a reassuring and loving hold.

“- its for the best for you to rest Si, come on don’t worry about me-“

Simon raised a hand up to signal you to stop rambling as he lastly said,

“Love, don’t fight it- get in my hoodie and in bed now.”

Silence filled the room before a shaky breath was released from your lips followed by a hesitant yet firm,

“No. I need to go to work Simon. I’ll see you later.”

Before Simon could say another word you had already spun on your heel and began to walk towards the door, leaving him a tad upset that you were refusing to take care of yourself. And he didn’t want to push you harshly to the point you cried- caused he hated to see you cry, but he needed to find another way before you left and faced the hard day feeling the way you were.

“Bye Simon- Oh- *bang* OW!!!”

That sounded like you had just fallen- maybe because you had gotten dizzy again but it was worse.

“LOVE?!!”

Simon called out panically as he raced out of his room, to see you at the front door on your knees with your hands flat on the ground, your trembling becoming more visible since you didn’t get up. In an instant Simon was on the ground with you trying to get you to talk since you also refused to look up from the ground.

“Love? Sweetheart are you ok? You probably hurt your knees- look at me.”

He gently grabbed your chin but you held firm, making him sigh when he also felt you trying but failing to stand up. Simon knew you were a tough one but jeez he just wished you’d take a moment and stop- “Love c’mon that’s it-“

“*sniff*.. m’sorry Si, I just don’t feel good.”

Finally, you broke, you soft sniffles breaking Simon’s heart in the process, he hated to see you in pain too.

“Tha’s my good girl.” Simon mumbled such under his breath as his heart dropped with sympathy while he watched your face finally lift up to his. Eyes now puffy and watery as your bottom lip jutted out,

“I jus’ wanted to *sniff*- m’sorry-“

Simon reached down to kiss your now red nose before cooing,

“No no, no apologies. It’s ok, c’mon sweet girl, let me take care of you.”

Under Ghost was the most gentle man named Simon Riley, the man that could be a killing machine on orders but in his freedom he was an angel at heart. Under his spell of love and true devotion to you you crumbled in his arms as he lifted you carefully bridal style.

“i’s alright now- I’ll take care of everything-“

“But my boss-“

“Can kiss my ass if he wants to drag you out of my arms, and then meet my fists for doing such eh?”

A little giggle mixed with a dry cough came out of you but Simon only smiled as he squeezed you tighter.

Soon you were all cocooned in your shared bed after Simon helped you get into his comfortable hoodie and helped you take some medicine- (well he practically had to hold you down between his legs so you could take it) then now you watched him with bright eyes as he walked in slowly with some warm soup.

“Jus’ for you love… oh and you won’t be hearing from your boss for a while-“

Knowing what he was capable of you right away asked with a slight sternness.

“What did you do Simon Riley?”

Raising a brow at your tone Simon chuckled,

“Thought you’d tune that attitude down a notch but to answer you- let’s just say he’s still in tact but well aware of another shape he could have if he didn’t listen.”

“Si-“

Shaking his head at you Simon placed the warm soup on his lap as he settled by your side with a spoonful already in hand,

“Simon says to be sweet and to eat your soup- now open up my love.”

He attentively looked into your eyes which made you blush and smile sheepishly as you listened,

“Thank you Simon.”

Placing the spoon between your lips gently Simon smiled back as he watched you sigh happily at its taste. Then he bopped your nose with his pinky as he replied,

“You’re welcome love.”

[skymar13]

Hey!

Just an idea… Aizawa x pro hero!reader with the reader being the sister to Oboro Shirakumo and both Aizawa and reader finding out oboro’s body is a vessel as “Kiriogiri” to the LOV.

I really enjoy this idea… havnt done Aizawa so you get a star. Not proof read because I don’t like rereading my own work but I will sooner or later.

:angst

Shouta Aizawa x oboros sister! Fem! Reader

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

You were confused, truth be told all three of you were. The safety comity specifically requested for you your husband and hizashi to be escorted to tartarus. You were annoyed truely you were. You had things to do and papers to grade.

“Excuse me but what exactly are we doing here? We’re busy people we don’t have enough minutes in the day to spend doing busy work” you rolled your eyes as you felt shouta grasp your hand signaling for you to stop whining.

“Loud Cloud, you’ve been specifically requested, for what I am not authorized to disclose.” The guard said with a touch of nervousness in his voice. You were known to be quite a blunt and let’s just say difficult person.

“Yeahyeah cmon [name] you know there’s gotta be something totally important if they want to deal with you!” Hizashi said in his usually loud voice with his pointer fingers.

“Yeah like they’d willingly face your wrath.” Shouta said with a barely noticeable smirk.

“I hate you both.” You said as you turned around the corner the guard pressed his key to the reader that opened another door. There were two more guards standing on the opposite side who requested any items you had. You and Shouta only had your phones keys wallets while Hizashi dumped out years worth of gadgets.

“Cleared proceed. Follow me.” The female guard said walking down another large stretch of hallway and at the end awaited the police captain the head of the prison and the safety comity lady.

“Hello Eraserhead, loudCloud and present mic. It’s wonderful to have you, but before you go in we must disclose some information about the prisoner we’ve brought you to see.” The lady said.

“Inside we have the infamous Leage of villain member kurogiri, he was formally known as someone all three of you were well acquainted with, now we must brace you for this particular piece of information” sherif relented and I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. All three of us nod side eyeing each other as I grab onto shoutas hand.

After a pause he continues “we’ve found out that kurogiri is a nomu of sorts and the vessel is oboro shirakumo” I felt my breath get stuck in the back of my throat and eyes widen.

“My brothers been dead. That’s impossible.” I said my voice slightly raised.

“I saw him with my own eyes that cant be.” Shouta voiced barely above a whisper his eyes wider than mine.

“No way man he can’t be alive, it’s just not possible.” Hizashi yelled eyebrows etched into a deep pinch

“That’s what we thought too, but we’ve confirmed that is him.” Sherif confirmed. “We’ve brought you here today to se if you’d be able to tap into Shirakumo’s conciseness and bring him back” the comity lady sighed

My head felt dizzy and my hands started shaking I couldn’t believe it. ‘I saw him die, I caused his death.’ I thought u til I was pulled out by my husband grabbing my hand and squeezing it tightly.

Without another word they opened the door to his cell. There were three chairs and a small table that had water bottles and tissues placed on it. They pulled Shouta aside while me and Hizashi took our seats. I stared at the figure in front of me behind the glass.

“They’ve rid him of everything Zashi, they took his eyes, his freckles, his smile.” My eyes watered as I took in his appearance. A figure you’ve come acquainted with as you’ve caught him before.

“I know” zashi said quietly and Shouta walked in sitting on the last seat quickly activating his quirk.

Hizashi was the first to speak. Begging oboro to give a response that he was still in there to no avail. Then Shouta tried he gave a heart breaking speech about his teachings and how much he affected his life to no avail.

“My name is kurogiri. I am here to assist to master Shigaraki” was all he said in response to them.

“Do you remember when we had began at UA, in our first year I wanted to give up? I tried to quit and drop out but you never let me! You said I had such a bright future as a hero, that I had a smile that’d heal the world.” I yelled into the glass. “Truth be told you saved me! You were my brother but before that you were my hero! I prayed every night that it was a dream or cried that I should have been the one to die that day not you. I won’t give up on you because you never gave up on me. I am a hero because you were mine. My hero.” I hadn’t even noticed that I was crying or that I had stood up until Shouta pulled me into his side. “I wanted to be like you for so long. I coppied your hair color and practiced my smile in the mirror, hell I even took your hero name. You’re still my oboro” I finished tears pooling on the ground

“My name is kurogiri. I am here to assist master shigaraki” was all he said in response.

“No your name is Oboro shirakumo. You’re my brother.” I whispered looking into his void of a face.

“[name] sit down it’s going to be okay, it’s going to be okay” my husband tried to reason but I couldn’t my body wouldn’t let me do anything.

“We’re done here, we’ve tried everything it’s not going to work” Shouta yelled towards the door and the prison keeper opened the door.

I was still sobbing and for a split second I felt that oboro had came through I couldn’t tell you how or give any proof but I knew he did.

✧༺༻✧

We arrived home after a silent car ride. I slid my shoes off as Shouta did his. We hadn’t said a word to each other. We both knew that if we did that’s we would end in tears.

I turned on the shower taking a quick body bath. After wards I laid in bed and silently sobbed into the comfort of the soft sheets. I felt the bed dip as the familiar body of my husband laid down besides me. After a minute he pulled me into him holding me silently but I felt his tears on the back of my neck and the short shallow breaths he let out.

“It’s going to be okay.” We both said at the same time making us giggle.

There was truth to my words. We would be okay, because I still had Shouta. And as long as I had him then I had a piece of oboro.

[lildrabbles]

Chapter 7: Family Meeting

2007! Raphael x Female! Reader

Summary: Despite Raph's protests, hes made to bring you back to the lair to meet his family.

A/N: HELLO EVERYONE IM SO SORRY I HAVNT BEEN UPDATING, since school started i just kinda lost motivation to write BUT IVE CAME BACK. I cant say for sure how long youll have to wait in the future, cuz i have a problem with writers block. Also, this is a lot longer than most of my chapters, so enjoy!! But let me know if you like the longer chapters or shorter ones <3

Raph didn't want his brothers to meet her. They would embarrass the hell outta him! 'What do I care...' he told himself, but deep down inside he couldn't stop the dread. He stared at the stove while he ate his Corn Pops aggressively.

"Dude, what did those Corn Pops do to you?" Mikey said, laughing as he poked raphs side.

Raph quickly grabbed his finger and twisted it, causing Mikey to yelp and beg for mercy. Raph scoffed and let go, going back to eating his Corn Pops. When he was finished he stood up, making his way over to the sink to wash his bowl and spoon.

"So are you going to call her?" Donnie asked as he grabbed a poptart from the cabinet.

"I'm gonna text her to meet me." Raph said, not looking at him as he dried the bowl.

Donnie chuckled. "If only Leo were here to meet your girlfriend."

Raph was about to threaten him, but the mention of his eldest brother stopped him. He glared down at the spoon he held, not saying anything.

"Uh... sorry about bringing that up." Donnie cringed in on himself.

Raph scoffed. "Dont be. It's not like he's comin back anytime soon." He said dryly.

Donnie sighed. After a couple moments, Mikey piped up. "Dude, suddenly it got like, really tense in here."

Raph rolled his eyes as he turned around and leaned against the counter. "Blame Donnie."

"I apologised!" Don protested.

Raph sighed before placing the bowl back up in the cabinet. “I’m goin to the dojo to work out.” Before turning around and walking away, not waiting for any reply.

He was finishing beating the crap out of his punching bag before he felt light headed. He exhaled and collapsed onto the bench, grimacing at the sharp pain in his wound. When Donnie mentioned Leo it got his blood to boil. God, even thinking about him made him pissed. Who was Leo to think he could just leave his family, his own flesh and blood, just because he “didn’t feel good enough”? 

Didn’t he fcking know that he was the best fighter out of them all?! He was truly selfish. And before he left, Raph may have started an argument, which yes he shouldn't have done, but then Leo started going on about how Raph was selfish and that only his own opinion mattered! Can you believe the audacity of that turtle?!

He grunted as he took a swig from his water bottle, grabbing the cloth beside him to wipe all of the sweat off his forehead. Raph glanced down at his phone, looking at the time. It was currently 4 pm. He wanted to wait a bit longer until it got dark to meet up with her, but decided to text her sooner so she had some notice. 

He texted her to meet him in an alleyway where he knew wasn't far from her apartment and had a sewer entrance so they could easily get in and out without getting noticed. He also made sure to mention to come alone.

When she didn't respond right away, Raph decided to do some sit ups. After a couple of those, he heard his phone vibrate on the bench. He sat up and grabbed it, and read Y/N's message.

Y/N: ok what time? My shifts already over so I'm not worried

He chuckled at how she didn't even question it. Silly girl.

Raph: How about in half an hour?

Y/N: Sounds good to me! See you then

Raph sighs, then stands up, stretching and drinking the last of his water. Time to go make sure she gets there safely.

----------------------------------------------------------

You didn't have to wait that long in the alleyway for him. You stood and looked around, double checking this was the right alleyway. Yep, it was.

Since it was a bit chilly, every time you let out a breath a little cloud formed.

Before you could even call out, you heard a soft thump behind you. You jumped slightly, spinning around. A small smile erupted on your face as you saw Raph emerge from the shadows.

"Hey, Raph." You look back towards the sidewalk to make sure no one would see you both.

"Hey." He smiled. "Okay, so uh… you probably wanna know why I brought you here right?"

"Right." You agreed.

"My family wants to meet you. Sensei mostly wants to meet you because he wants to know if he can trust you with our secret."

"O-oh!" Your eyes widen slightly. "So I get to meet your family?"

"Yeah. But…"

You frowned slightly. "What is it?"

You then gasped when Raph leaned towards you and in a flash, your vision was dark. You felt him tying a piece of fabric around your eyes. 

"Raph, don't you think you're taking this too fast? I'm not into this kinda thing." Despite the shock of him doing this, you couldn't help making a cheeky joke while you giggled.

Even though you couldn't see him, his eyes widened as a blush erupted from his face. He frowned. "I-its not fcking like that!!" You could hear in his that he was flustered, causing you to giggle more.

You felt strong arms pick you up, but you weren't that alarmed because you recognised they were Raph's. You heard him grumbling to himself.

 You clinged onto his neck despite his firm grip on you.

"I'm only doin this cuz we can't risk you knowin our location yet." Raph blushed and grimaced slightly as your arms wrapped around his neck.

"Oh… well I guess I can understand that."

You suddenly felt the wind rush around you both and you let out a little squeal, feeling a little nauseous. You heard Raph's feet thump on the ground softly, meaning he had jumped down somewhere.

The more he walked, a disgusting smell assaulted your nose. You scrunched up your nose. "Are we in the sewers?"

"Yeah." Raph laughed watching your reaction.

You nod slightly, nose still scrunched up. After a couple more moments of walking, you felt him stop and he placed you on your feet.

You heard some shuffling and then a crash, followed by an "oof!". 

"Am I allowed to take this off now..?" You asked, directed towards Raphael.

 He grunted in response which you took as a yes, so you slipped it off, only to be met with another turtle with an orange bandana in your face. You jumped a little, bumping backwards nto Raph.

"Mikey, what did I tell ya before I left?!" He scolded the orange banded turtle.

The turtle named Mikey threw his hands up. "Sorry bro! I just wanted to get a good look." He offered his hand to you. "I'm Mikey!"

You smiled sheepishly, shaking his hand. "I'm y/n."

Another turtle with a purple bandana appeared. He did the same thing as Mikey and offered his hand to you. "It's nice to meet you y/n, i'm Donatello but just call me Donnie or Don." He smiled.

You smiled back and shook his hand. "Nice to meet you as well."

You awkwardly stood there while you heard Raph huff behind you, crossing his arms beside you. Then, you saw a rat, just a bit shorter than the turtles. You assumed this is the Sensei Raph had talked about.

You bowed your head slightly to him. "And you must be Sensei Splinter." You smiled a little up at him. He smiled back and stood in front of you, taking your hand in his and held it for a moment.

"And you must be y/n. Thank you for helping my idiot son." He shot a quick glare towards Raph.

"Of course. I wouldn't call him an idiot though, after all he was just trying to protect--"

Raph suddenly cleared his voice loudly. "Okay, you met her, now what?"

"Dude we should all watch a movie together!!" Mikey exclaimed.

Before Raph could protest, everyone else agreed. But you were hesitant. "I would love to but I don't want to become a problem for you guys."

Raph stared down at you. "The hell do you-" he couldn't finish before getting smacked in the head by Splinter. He winced before re-phrasing. "What do you think you'll be a problem for?" He said gruffly.

You shrugged a little. "I-i don't know, I just don't want to invade your guys' personal life."

Donnie spoke up. "Don't worry about that, we would love to have you. We haven't had company like this in… well, we've never met new people really. Except for April and Casey, but we've known them forever"

You nodded, remembering Raph telling you about them. Then you smiled. "Ok, then. I'll stay."

Mikey cheered and ran towards the kitchen to gather snacks. 

After a bit of setting up the movie (that apparently Donnie pirated) and setting up all the snacks, you settled down onto the couch beside Raph. You smiled up at him softly, making his heart clench. But he didn't show it, just smirking a little and huffing, taking a handful of popcorn from the bowl in your lap.

You chuckled, offering everyone popcorn before the movie began. Then Donnie turned on the movie, and you let out a deep exhale, sinking into the old, tattered couch.

After about halfway through the movie, while everyone else was asleep, Splinter left to go meditate in his room. So it was only you and Raph awake now.

"Your family seems really nice," you whispered to him.

He scoffed quietly. "Yeah but my brother's can get hella annoying."

You giggle a little and lean in closer. "I'm sure you'll seem annoying after a while of knowing you too."

Raph playfully glared down at you. "Oh yeah? Ditto. Except you're already gettin on my nerves." He joked.

You held your chest where your heart is dramatically. "Ouch. My heart."

You both laugh quietly. You looked down, then shuffled closer to him so your thighs were touching, and wrapped your arms around yourself, getting a little chilly.

He tensed a little, trying to even his breathing. He noticed your eyes starting to droop. "You know you can fall asleep, right?" He said softly. What has gotten into him lately?

"Are you sure?" You looked up towards him. He nodded, then grabbed a blanket from behind the couch, throwing it on you. You giggled a little and got snuggled up in the blanket. You then gently rested your head on his shoulder before whispering, "Is this okay..?"

"Y-yeah…" He whispered back. You smiled and got comfy against him, before closing your eyes to go to sleep.

After a couple moments, he relaxed. He let out a soft exhale. The way you cuddled into his side made his heart skip a beat. Shut the hell up, Raph. She's just cold. And you can't be goin soft for anyone!! He scolded himself. But despite his protests in his head, he let himself fall asleep, managing to fall into a slumber way easier than he's ever had.

[yesyourstalker]

Ikkan: warabie wake up!

Warabie:mmmmmm.. what? I thought it was our day off?

Ikkan: it is. Get up and get dressed

Noji: we have to go to church!

Warabie: church!?!

Ikkan: yeah. Our dad wants us to go at least once while we're here

Warabie: ugh ..really? You guys don't seem like you're the... Religious type

Noiji: we're not religious. It's just something we do

Ikkan: we only go just to catch up with other people in the town you know and just talk to each othr while listening to service

Noiji: I like going to church, learning a lesson of the day, singing solms, talking to our neighbors and then we have a nice dinner with everyone.

Ikkan: it's only an hour sermon.

Merv: boys hurry up! Hope you have your Sunday. Best on. Cirrina sweetheart, oh look at you! The dress fits perfectly

Cirrina: I didn't think I'd look cute in this, but I like it. Though it does look a little dated

Ikkan: you kept my old clothes?

Merv: we weren't just going to throw it away. We keep all of your clothes yours too Noiji. We have all your things in boxes

Noiji: why?

Merv: just in case we had another baby. we didn't want to buy all new stuff....... I didn't want to buy new stuff... Shimi do you have the dish?

Shimi: yeah... warabie get dressed we need to leave in 15 minutes

Warabie:.*sigh* .. . Mr Kane do you have any dress clothes that I can fit in?

_______________________________________________

Pastor: so Pikaia looked to Cod still wet from the salt water he emerged from. He looked upon them and asked what his purpose was and why he was here. Cod looked down with nothing but love and said to Young pikaia 'I give my children of the Sea no purpose, no goal and no reason' meaning?

Church: "we are free we"

Pastor: yes we are free to roam and grow and make our own choices. But with those choices comes with?

Church: "effects and consequences"

Pastor: yes. So let's turn to Gideons 12:44

Warabie: what page is that?

Ikkan: here...[flips]

Pastor: I bring up choices today because that is what we will be discussing today the act of choice and the reasons behind those choices. This lecture will start with a squid named malamar..............

Cirrina: *sigh*

Octoling: I know it seems boring now. But give it a couple more minutes and it'll start to get interesting. father Berg is a really good storyteller

Cirrina: ugh I hope so..

Octoling: You're not from around here are you? hehehe.....

Cirrina: no.... I'm here to visiting... I'm just working on my grandpa's farm

Octoling: Kane is your grandfather? That's pretty neat he delivers milk to our shop week

Octoling mother: bayou! No talking during the sermon!

Bayou: sorry ma.... Talk more during dinner. My name is bayou by the way

Cirrina: name's Cirrina

Bayou: Nice to meet you Cirrina

[Hour later]

Pastor: malamar looked upon Cod with tears of sorrow. 'why! Why? Why have you abandoned me so? why have you forsaken me for so long? for I have done all that you've wanted me to do. I was kind, I was generous, I've given to the poor and I fed the hungry and yet you still turned your back on me for why?

Cod stared down at their lost child and they said 'for you've only done those not out of kindness, not out of generosity but for a reward. If it wasn't for my desire to help those who were not able to help themselves you would have walked past them if I didn't vocalize my dismay seeing my children in pain you would have done nothing.' malamar looked on cod dried and frail with nothing else to say forced to work another 100 years...... alright so that's the end of our sermon. Let's all catch up with each other.... I see some new faces and some old ones. Let's all talk to our neighbors.

_______________________________________________

Old lady: look at you so handsome just like your father.

Old man: just lik em ye gott yea long nek an evythig. Why havnt yav fixed ya beak yet? Looken odd whit it ben off centered. Ya need ta gu to the dentist. Cant be looken lik that at yur age

Noiji: aww come on... I like my beak

Old lady: ohhhh is your twin still in school? I heard they dropped out poor things

Noiji: he just graduated actually...... ikkan come on and say hi to the Flanigans

Ikkan: hi Mrs Flanagan

Old lady: well look at you! Ya so tall....nice broad shoulders too

Old man: too tall fa music tel yu that! Yu coud be a hell of athlete ya coud. 3 pointers and such If it wasnt for yur klutzy and awkward demeanor

Ikkan:...............

Old lady: oh he's so quiet like usual

_______________________________________________

Pastor's wife: so how's living in haddaido? I'm sure you're sick of the city.

Merv:ehhh it has its charm. I like the food and environment. Noiji really likes it there. it's more...it's more technologically advanced. I can barely use my shell phone he's making music with one.

Pastor's wife: how's your wife? I haven't seen her in a while? Has she retired yet?

Merv: nope she's currently on vacation right now. Having her own......girls trip

Pastor's wife: hmm

Merv: hmm

_______________________________________________

Pastor: how did you enjoy the sermon?

Shimi: I actually quite enjoyed it actually it was very eye opening. I haven't been in church since I was a boy

Pastor: well we're open to more volunteers if you're welcome to join us every Sunday

Shimi: well I might invest in that

Warabie: since when you were a religious type dad?

Shimi: hush up and help setup the table ....... I would like some advice tho father.

_______________________________________________

Bayou: so you actually use real weapons?

Cirrina: yeah

Bayou: and you don't.... die?

Cirrina: no the weapons aren't powerful enough to kill you. It's just to...... splat you

Bayou: Does it hurt?

Cirrina: it really depends on the weapon. Some hurt more than others, guns like splattershot or a dual weapon they can leave small marks sometimes. Charges, surprisingly aren't that bad. Depending on how far away they are it can feel like a pinch when you're hit. The worst ones are brushes and rollers, I got a headache after someone splatted me with a carbon roller

Bayou: and you do that for fun?

Cirrina: yeah it's more of a sport where I live I'm actually the captain of my turf war team so hehe

Bayou: you must be really good I've never picked up a weapon before. We're actually not allowed to have them here. We don't believe in the glorification of warfare or the mimicry of violence

Cirrina:....oh..... that's cool..... I mean I wouldn't say it's violent It's mostly just painting...... Trying to get most coverage

Bayou: oh yeah Yeah yeah I understand heh I just meant as a culture and our history in krillarney we don't really want to be reminded of those events......... yeah........

Cirrina:.. yeah I get that uhheh. .. . ........

Bayou: I like your tentacles. I like the ink color. Is it natural?

Cirrina: yeah actually this is my natural ink

Bayou: It's very beautiful. It reminds me of a sunrise

Cirrina: (blush).........thank you. I like yours too is it. It's a nice, deep blueish purple. It's a really pretty color

Bayou: oh thank you...

Pastor: dinner is ready!

Bayou: come on they're serving roasted snapper.

_______________________________________________

Friend 1: hello

Cirrina: hey girl

Friend 1: oh my cosh Cirrina! How's your trip abroad? What's the food like? How's the fashion? are the boys cute?

Cirrina: That's why I called you.....so there's this guy

Friend 1: I'm listening

Cirrina: He's super cute. His tentacles are like a dark bluish purple, he has a really nice smile....huuu...he smells like vanilla and honey! ahhhh! he's so charming I could die! He said my tentacles look like a sunrise

Friend: a romantic ohhhh and he likes you?

Friend 2: I thought you were dating Paul!

Cirrina: I'm not dating Paul!

Friend 2: well you said you liked Paul!

Cirrina: I can't like two guys?!

Friend 2: not when you know I like one of them!

Cirrina: how is that my problem?!

Friend 3: how tall is he

Cirrina: around 4'11

Friend 3: ohhhh he's short hehehe you should send a picture of him later

Cirrina: what are you guys even doing anyway

Friend 1: we're at Cassidy's place.

Cirrina: ew why are you at her place..... she's such a catty bitch

Friend 3: We're planning on seeing ink-fast together. Are you still going?

Cirrina: I don't know I still need money for tickets

Friend 1: well you better hurry up ticket sales start at the end of the month and they're probably going to be sold out by the time you get back. We might just go without you

Cirrina: (scoff)

Friend 2: so just being clear you don't like Paul?

Cirrina:...... Nina.......... I have to go. I need to go feed some calves

_______________________________________________

Ikkan: morning babe... yeah I'm about to head in for today. You found a best man?............oh she's a nice choice. Yeah I asked her why?.........well you should have asked first not my fault you procrastinate.....hehehe..... you'll be fine..... I'll see it on our wedding day. Yeah love you too..... yes.... I'm alone........... Neta......stop....*sigh*..hehe..... I'm wearing a black tank top and briefs. No I'm not the purple ones..... I'm wearing the Mr shrug ones........... what do you mean I ruined the vibe?!? Hehehehehe I'm hanging up... oh really what are you wearing?........take a pic, let me see........................ that's worse than what I'm wearing!........ because it has a hole in it!...

Warabie: HEY IKKAN!!

Ikkan: *gasp*. .. warabie knock! Cod!

Warabie: I.... I..... just wanted to ask.....if you're.... you're still planning on marrying Neta..... .. If.....if.... you're not willing I'd gladly take him..... I'd-I'd-I'd gladly take him if you don't want him

Ikkan: are you drunk?

Warabie: also what am I wearing as a groomsmen? Do we have to match? Can I pick out your suit? No offense but you have terrible taste

Ikkan: warabie go to sleep......how much did he drink?

Noiji: just 2 and a half pints he's a real light weight...... I put your two in the fridge

Ikkan: hm...... yeah I'm still here it's just warabie being a jackass..........*sigh*....... You know what we can do. We can watch a movie like we used to do... Long distance movie night........ yeah I'm heading down stairs...... You got finnflex open?..... All right, I'm all set up too...... Let's put you on speaker......

Neta: All right, I got you on the speaker too. What do you want to watch? I was thinking of "the kraken 2 sunken ship"

Ikkan: they don't have that on finnflex krillarney.

Neta: fuck. what do they have?

Ikkan: mostly documentaries

Nets: do they have wahoo land documentary? A big dream with with even bigger lawsuits?

Ikkan:.......... yeah

Neta: let's watch that one I heard someone actually fell off one of the coasters

Ikkan: wait we actually perform there in the grand opening I think Murasaki is in this.

Warabie: can I watch with yooooooooou? *Boop*

Ikkan: No fuck off

Warabie: I don't like it when you're so mean to me!

Ikkan: and I don't like it when you hit on my boyfriend but we can't get what we want all the time can we? Go upstairs!......... sorry

Neta: It's fine. I have my own personal nuisance with me

Mahi: why are you up so early! It's 5am!

Neta: Don't you have like college to go to or some shit? Leave me alone. I'm on a date!.... Okay, let's watch the documentary

_______________________________________________

Mahi go home already @fish-at-fish-fish-resort

[firebrandthestubborn]

*neck crack* havnt written anything here in a while.

Tw: Slight angst (I’ve never written that before bear with me), Blood, Zombies, various weapons, language, and Major character death(s).

Reader is American.

When I talk about Simons face I am talking about the face that was leaked recently in the games files.

No explicit “romance or ship” mostly just platonic

Pairing: Ghost x Gender Neutral Reader (They/Them)

Zombie Apocalypse AU

Some military terms might be used wrong, sorry <3

NOT PROOFREAD

Human

After a while everyone just gave up, the 1-4-1 and various memebers of the Los Vaqueros all came to a mutual agreement to disband the any group. Everyone heading back to their respective cities/countries to help with the cause. Ghost didn’t have anywhere to go. No family to protect and his “friends” are far to busy protecting what they had, they didn’t need another mouth to feed and protect.

Except you, you were in the same boat as Ghost. You had no one back home waiting for you and neither did he. So you both decided to head back to your home town, on the off chance your estranged parents who you cut contact with moments before joining the military were still alive.

The town was overrun so soon, you don’t know if it was because of how small/large the town was or just because people gave up. Days had gone by before the both of you managed to get back to your old childhood home. It looked the same except it was empty not a sign of life anywhere.

Ghost propping his M4 Carbine up and cautiously peeked through windows before glancing at you. Staring back you (unceremoniously) kicked the flimsy wooden door down. You paired with a similar Carbine stepped into the house. It was weird, you done a sweep and clean numerous times but now this was your childhood home. Getting to the kitchen you could hear the oddly familiar sound of your boot hitting blood. Being in almost constant warfare and bloodshed, boots on blood is an all to familiar and unique sound.

There was a lot of blood, but no body. Holding your breath you let out a huff of relief. Lowering your gun and pulling down ur dark (color) balaclava, the thin piece of fabric was suffocating feeling your own breathe for hours at a time can make any man go mad.

“Clear.” You heard the gruff accent call from upstairs, heavy boots walking back down and meeting you in the kitchen. Staring at his skull balaclava you wonder how he is, years in that thing yet he’s still…normal?

“They aren’t here. I don’t know why we bothered.” He didn’t break eye contact with you when you muttered that. You hated the eye contact. You shook your head and look away walking up to the fridge and opening it, the powers been off for about five weeks now. Useless.

“I’m glad we came. It’s.. good…. that you wanted to help your parents. Better then leaving them to die.” Ghost was so bad at speaking, his emotions were distant. You know he cares but he doesn’t know how to vocalize it.

“Fuck, thank god. There bottled water in here” Avoiding what he says is a good thing. Grabbing the bottles of water and stuffing them in a reusable Walmart bag that was lying aimlessly on the counter.

_________

The first few days after everyone split off they tried to keep contact. Ghost and the other had access to radios that (despite the distance) they could communicate. But eventually they all trickled off. It started with Alejandro he stopped answering and eventually the radio couldn’t be found at all, the Price he was the same way eventually stopped answers Ghost on comms.

Then it was Soap. You were with Ghost when the news broke Ghost just went silent but you could feel the anger and guilt radiating off of him. Hearing that Soap was bit and had to be “put out” was disturbing. A chill ran down your spine and you froze staring down at the comms. The stupid jokes you and Soap would crack in times of serious missions flooded back to you. But for some reason you knew this was gonna happen.

Ghost in the other hand was shook, he stared of at his boots under his Mack you could see him destroying his bottom lip with him teeth and his breathing got shallow. I’m his eyes it was just him again. You were still there and he knew it but soon enough he’ll lose you.

Shutting off comms and standing up straight, letting out a shakey breath and blinking absently a few times. You opened your mouth to speak but some moments don’t need words or love. Just silence so you stood there trying to comfort Ghost without pushing him over the edge. Eventually it got dark and you both had to leave. There was no reason to stay on the military base. You and Ghost never spoke about that but you both knew it.

___________

“Ghost?” You glanced at him from the drivers seat of a small gray truck you both ‘commandeered’. Ever since this whole apocalypse started Ghost was zoning out and disassociating a lot more. His body would be there next to you but mentally he wasn’t. Everytime you would bring him back down and ground him.

“You good buddy? Do you want me to pull over and we take a break..?” Trailing off and glancing around the town you stumbled into. Almost like clockwork the truck let out a little tune and the ‘need gas!’ light flickered on. Letting out a “fuck” you pulled into a Casey’s parking the truck at the gas pump and staring at the ‘prepay with card or inside!’ sticker, the sticker was mocking you.

“Come on big guy let’s go raid this gas station for food…and gas” you smirked at him trying to lighten the mood.

The gas station was clear and looked almost hn touched despite a knocked over shelves and obvious animal markings. Walking over to the register you punch in 100$ worth of gas and select ur pump. Watching Ghost wander aimlessly around the gas station poking at the American snacks and expired foods.

“Okay I got the pump ready are you gonna grab an-“ You let out a yelp as you felt arms grab you from behind whipping you around and throwing you into the back counter against a display of various coffees in glass bottles. The sudden attack made you drop your gun. The sound of you getting thrown to the ground and glass shattering triggered Ghost he came around the corner to see the zombie quickly heading towards you.

‘Damnit, for a fucker missing a foot your fast as hell.’ You thought while getting pinned to the corner. Second later it’s head is blown open and your covered in rotting brain and glass. The corpse fell to the ground with a thump and you scurried off, terrified.

“Jesus FUCK (Y/N) YOU ALMOST DIED.” Ghost yelled as soon as you came back into his vision you shrunk back slightly not hearing him yell like that since this all started. You let out an apology and go to grab your gun, sharp pains shoot through both of your hands and you drop your gun with a sneer back looking down at your gloves you can see all the bits a pieces of glass stuck in the and you can feel the glass under the gloves digging into your skin.

“Fucking hell. Si, will you help me out?” Slowly pulling the gloves off and see you hands bleeding profusely you cringe. A few second passed as Ghost walks over to you with a first aid kit setting it on the floor as you both take a seat on the floor behind the counter.

You held your hands out infront of him, he grips them and stares down at you before pours the alcohol on the wounds. Letting out a string of choice words attempting to pull your hands away but Ghosts grip wasn’t letting that happen.

“Stop. They will get infected.” Ghost said sternly putting the alcohol down and grabbing the bandages and bandage tape. Wrapping your palms up tightly and finally letting go. You both sit in silence for what felt like hours. Both exhausted, hungry, and basically on the verge of death.

“I’m… sorry.. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” Ghost avoided your stare and looked ahead of him at the light brown cabinets. He reached up and hooked a finger under the mouth part of his balaclava and pulled it down exposing his full face.

“You don’t have a reason to be sorry Si.. I should have swept through the back rooms. You have a right to be upset.” He could feel your eyes locked onto him and Ben if he’s long since ditched the skull mask he still wore the balaclava religiously.

The air in the Casey’s got tense despite him staring off you saw a spark in his eyes. Somehow you could tell he was about to dump a lot onto you, but you were ready. You always told him after the others had passed you were always gonna be there for him.

“After Soap died I feel like everything I had was just fading away. That team.. all of them, they were my friends and family. Closest I’ve ever had to family.” He stares off and just spoke his mind, this stuff has been bottled away inside of him for days? Months? Maybe years. You sat silently and listened intently. “ I feel like I should have stayed with them or at least voted no against us splitting up, maybe they would be alive, maybe if I had gone with Soap he would still be alive?”

He felt a cold hand creep onto his as you kept listening holding his hand letting him know that no matter what you were there for him. He looked back at you staring into his eyes you could see how wet his eyes had gotten.

“Ghost..” He cuts you off still staring at you.

“But if I went with them who knows what would have happened to you. They’re gone I’ve grieved them and I still am but now I have to protect you. As dumb and corny as that sounds I feel like when I was with them I had to protect them before myself. And now it’s the same with you.” He stared off again getting caught up and confused in his own emotions “I shouldn’t have said any of this.”

Ghost starts to stand up before getting stopped and pushed back down.

“Ghost. Never apologize for speaking like this. What happened to the others wasn’t in our control. It never was and never could be. You chose to come with me and god fuck I am so grateful.” Ghost looked scared hearing all of this the flood of unfamiliar and lost emotions made him sick to his stomach.

“Yes you are Ghost, that will never change.” A bandaged hand came up to gently stroke his face. “But you are still Simon. And Simon is human.”

[philliamwrites]

Tw for body image issues

Ok, so what about eren x virgin reader. Shes kinda nervous, 1 for the pain, cause his hands are bigger then hers, let alone his dick so shes a bit 💫scared💫 but erens just super sweet and gentle and saying how they can stop whenever. Reader also wants to fuck with the lights off. Erens taking off her clothes but shes still covering up and hes saying shes beautiful but she says something like "but u havnt seen all of me, u may not like the rest" and he is just 💫not havin it💫 cause he thinks shes beautiful, he will not tolerate a debate rn. he grabs her wrists to hold above her head so she cant cover up and just goes to town kissing all down her body, then he gets to down there and says something like "hmm, idk if u deserve my tongue rn, only good girls get what they want. Be a good girl and say ur beautiful for me" so she does but hes not playing fair, he goes back to her neck and leaves hickeys all the way down her body. Just adoring her, being all sweet and saying all this nice stuff. But also being dirty cause boys got a mouth on him xD

He is just relentless in his praise, but also mean cause he knows you wanna go the easy route and cover up and shy away, but he is refusing. He will pick u up and fibger u against the wall, just to prove ur not heavy. Boy will eat u out for hours but u can only come when hes convinced that u beleive him.

"Say it, or ill stop right now..."

"Fine, im pretty, now plz let me cum!"

"I can hear it in your voice that your just saying that, i need u to beleive it" and thr fucker just keeps teasing u like that.

Mans is ruthless 🥴🥴

Sorry it took me a while to get back to you nonny!!

But damn, why you hitting me so hard where my own insecurities lie omggg 😭😭😭

Warnings: fem!Reader x Eren; mirror sex, vaginal sex, cockwarming (kinda)

But for real, listen, Eren would make sure your first time with him goes as smooth as possible. Mr. Tough-Guy Tattoos On His Knuckles’ favourite movie is Up and HE IS SUCH A ROMANTIC. He’ll make sure that you feel safe and damn, he’s been in relationships before, but he’s never felt THIS driven to put his everything into making sure that you feel save, loved, and understood.

I’m talking about him going the extra mile to make it all as comfortable and inviting and relaxing as possible. Clean bed sheets (smelling like him), some nice candles for the mood, your favourite comfort movie, take-out. You guys would also have had long conversations about do’s and don’ts, something that Eren was very adamant on having even though you were unsure and afraid that it would prove more how unexperienced you are.

But when you two fuck, he’s so super aware and tuned to how you react to everything he says, every time he touches you. My boy can’t comprehend how you can’t see how absolutely drop dead gorgeous you are—the face you make when he drills into you, the sweet moans floating to his ears when he drapes your legs over his shoulders and eats you out, the way your body jerks and spasms when you’re so high on pleasure that your eyes roll back—he’s like a man on a mission to make you see it for yourself.

So I’ll raise you one: MIRROR SEX. EREN WILL FUCK YOU WHILE MAKING YOU WATCH YOURSELF IN A MIRROR. You know it. I know it. We all know it. He finds something he needs to do and it’s all he’ll think about until it’s done. Having you on his lap, bouncing you on his dick as though your life depends on it, all while looking at yourself.

“Still thinking you’re not pretty?” he mumbles against your neck, scraping the tender flesh with his teeth. His fingers dig into your waist so hard that you can already see bruises forming.

“I—I’m—” You can’t even form a full sentence, mind foggy with pleasure. Your whole body is tense from how crazy good Eren’s dick feels. Seeing how it disappears inside you, how easily he moves you on top of him as though you weigh nothing (it makes you think vulgar, nasty things, something new you’ve learnt about yourself: that you’re just a fleshlight for Eren’s pleasure, that he can use you however he wants, fill you up whenever he wants and somehow thinking this makes your blood run hotter, your quivering thighs putting more effort into moving your body on top of his)—

“Fuck, what’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” Eren asks. He slings an arm around your waist and holds you still, which gives you a pause from him abusing your hole with his ridiculous large dick, but now there’s constant pressure against the most sensitive spot inside you. Your head rolls back on his shoulder and you take big, deep breaths, trying to relax.

“Babe, come on.” His hands wander up to your tits, squeezing them, pinching your hard nipples. “We agreed you wouldn’t look away.”

“It’s just… so much,” you reply, your voice thick with pleasure. Eren’s hands stop exploring your body for a moment.

“Want me to stop?”

Just the thought sends a bolt of horror through you. You quickly shake your head, not trusting your own voice. Eren chuckles into the crook of your neck.

“Then open your eyes for me. Pretty please.”

You blink your eyes open. Eren rewards you with a sweet kiss to your cheek. His hands knead your tense muscles in your thighs, your lower back. “That’s my good girl.”

Another new thing you’ve learnt: hearing Eren’s praises makes your knees wobble and warmth spread inside your chest. You want to be good for him. You want to please him and make him happy. When he taps your chin tenderly, you turn your head and look at yourself in the mirror.

“See, so pretty for me. You think so too, don’t you? That you’re beautiful. My beautiful, beautiful angel.”

His honey-smooth voice is like sweet balm to your heated skin, but the words are flames burning you from the inside. Instinct dictates you to hide your face, draw into yourself like a turtle retreating into its shell.

Since you take too long to answer, Eren catches your chin between thumb and index finger and forces you to look back at yourself in the mirror. “You gotta say it too. Or else I won’t move.”

“Ohhh, come one, Eren. Please,” you whine, circling your hips to get some friction. He stops you by holding onto your waist.

“Say it. Or else we’ll stop.”

He leaves you no wiggling room—literally.

“’m pr’tty,” you mumble, not meeting your own eyes in the reflection.

“What?” Eren runs his mouth along your jawline. “I didn’t catch that.”

“I—I’m pretty,” you repeat, a little louder but your voice quivers and your heart isn’t into it.

Eren, of course, notices.

“Hmmm, you don’t sound too convinced to me.” He squishes your cheeks with one hand while the other sneaks down, past your soft belly to where you two are connected. “How about this: you say it like you mean it and I’ll reward you.” To give you a taste of his promise, he brushes the rough pads of his fingers over your clit in slow, lazy circles. “Try again.”

This man is no joke 🥵🥵

He’ll give you plenty opportunities to rethink your opinion on yourself because he’ll worship your body and tell you how much he loves you and how beautiful you are every chance he gets. NEXT STEP: TEACHING YOU HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF WITH SOME SOFTLY GUIDED SELF PLEASURING JESUS SOMEONE LOCK THIS GUY UP—

[wyrmskulls]

I havnt recovered from the Caz fight yet. BUT

here are some genuine thoughts on Astarion from my- knew nothing of baldurs gate before playing run: (from me the Ace with no sense of self preservation)

"Oh great a sexy vamp man- bet friend XYX is all over that, they are romanceable, right? like dragon age?"🧛‍♂️

".... that 'don't touch me' sounded too real.... hope im wrong"

" I mean if we are cool with Shar worshippers and devil pacts why not a vamp, join the club buddy."

"he is a cagey little fuck I think I'll go after him this play through love his little faces"

"I'm not into pain, thinking this was a bad choice" chains and whips to not excite Tav XD

"I mean maybe it's the years of slavery and not sexual trauma???" 🙏

"noooo, I mean of course the sexy vamp wants to fuck, I probly have to- to get more of his story...." proceed to worry stupidly about unskippable sex scenes and noises for no reason (you can press x any time to get to the next thing / dialog)

get propositioned again at party.... "maybe this relationship won't work out, he's way to thirsty least there wasn't another sex scene lol dun worry buddy, I'll help you murder that guy that hurt you, just can't keep up with the horny XD"

"so I just feed him bad guys and tell him he is pretty? yup that checks out"

act 2

Start working on wyll, he seems like a cool guy... "whoa bud, is this you first romance scene.... by saying yes to a dance... feels icky cause I know sex happens at some point, like some entitled jerk at a bar, least astarion was real upfront about it" ( in hind sight this was unfair to wyll, but everyone was being so horny and the only scene I had was astarions so I drew some incorrect conclusions with wyll being a 'good guy' asshole)

"I mean we has evidence that deals with devils are bad.... or is it demons... anyways I support you in a friend way, getting raphel to Facebook stalk your abuser to make sure he not still pineing after you is OK with me."

Got his Act 2 scene "OHNooooooo I was right it was a sexual trauma 'don't touch me....' ohhhh noooooo. he didn't wanna fuck either????? baby boy, you never gotta sex again if you dun wanna, we can hug forever!" cried a while ngl

"look here blood witch- no means no, if your house wasn't destroyed, I'd destroy it myself."😈

"i mean he said he kills kids, so it's ok to kill him, then raphy boy will tell us if you back is bad news or really bad news <3"

"It's really bad news..... so no big astarion lover of cuddles l, will help you kill the guy who ruined your life. that's what romantic partners do. we kiss and nothing else and I will murder people to keep doing that <3" pondering an evil play through honesly

"he was so upset when Tav died in battle.... like doesn't he know rez scrolls are a thing? it's ok Tavs gonna live forever.... not sure how we will figuer that out" researches dnd lore to find several solutions XD

"Gale bud. friend. pal. I care about you and your life. your ex is shitty for asking you to do this, but also if you do blow up you'll take us all with you.... and even if you don't, #1 priority over there will be back under vamp thrall so this is a no go, put your shirt back on."🙃

act 3

found a cliff in the camp before act 3 with a song that made me cry again it is for sure astarions "wtf dude I was emotionally stable now what have you done"

"circus lady, here are all my loves deepest secrets- oh no she's a shapeshifter???? oops, it's ok love we will kill her too why not" No one can know how hurt you are but meeeeeee 😋

"a statue of my boyfriend in camp don't mind if I do~☆ aww now he has a halo so everyone can see he is a good boy who totally doesn't cause me to murder people and would never murder anyone himself" 😇

"Astarion NO, we are not gonna kill a bunch of other spawn just cause you are scared. I get it, and you don't have time for therapy but trust me that not gonna feel great in a few hundred years"

"ooooo blood bitch is back and you fucked up. look at this boy standing up for himself - yes that's right take us to your private house so we can kill you at our leisure.... man oh man I used to have morals now I got Astarion."

*****

and now I'm tired XD

[articsmiths]

day 6?

hello,

i forgot i had this blog tbh until my mate told me about theirs

a lot has happened since i took a bit of a break

ive dropped all my friends that i have mentioned before this and broke up with my gf. My old friends and me started hanging out again and i love them more than life. Im planning on moving school as i hate mine. ive been feeling a huge wave of isolation lately. I have a huge crush on my ex again wich is good but bad cus idk if he likes me back or not. Oh im also not a lesbian anymore and im nonbinary :).

why i left my friends

as i have said before me and Claire never got on the best. I founded out that she was chatting shit about me to my best friend with proof with screen shots and things etc. She also fancied my ex for over a year? and confessed said feelings while we where still together. my ex never even mentioned this to me and when i knew i just tried to think that my best mate was lying and that it was some joke cus i didn't want to hate Claire but she fucked up everything. and one day i just kind of broke down and told Claire that we where done with being friends i dont wanna see her face ever again. i told the whole friend group that "you don't have to pick me over Claire or pick sides cus idc." i did care but i jus kinda wanted too see what they would do. only Becky chose me (from my school mates my out of school mates chose me). so i relised what snakes they where and i havnt spoke to any of them since. except when claire likes to spam all my friends with how i have to be her friend again and how she misses the group. YOU MADE THIS MESS YOU CAN DEAL WITH IT AND GET OVER IT LOVE ;) . she spams my ex me and my best mate every couple weeks with how sorry she is and using 1000000 million excuses on why she said so much shit about me and how she hates herself and wants to die. i couldn't give 2 fucks. Im done with her and all them fake ass toxic hoes.

my new/old friends??

im back with my old group of 5 with some others but they dont talk in the group. and in the group is my ex bf from last year who ive magically started liking again its a super bad thing but i cant stop thinking about him and when he texts me i get butterflies and i just wanna hug him and love him but i don't know if he would take me back or if he even likes me at all.

thats all i shall talk about today

the new articsmiths :)

[jessefandomunited]

Very upset rant about being ace in the dating sphere

So a video came across my fyp about being ace and dating and it was someone being AGAIN like " be patient, it will come when you least expect it that's what happened with me 🥰" I told them that I am 29 almost thirty and I'm tired of waiting . They told me to just " take a break" and I'm just like I HAVE!!

It's so frustrating to me when people who had one successful relationship, try to give other people advice. No you havnt " cracked the code" YOU GOT LUCKY. You fell in the right place in the right time to meet this significant other.

I on the other hand HAVE DONE EVERYTHING these supposive gurus tell single people. I've gone out to bars or places to meet people , I've tried and failed online dating multiple times, I straight up have made the first move .

And still NOTHING

And add on being ace is another whole can of worms . Like throw the dating apps out because 95% just want to be laid and I don't want that. Every guy I speak to and explain how I feel they get instantly uninterested or think I " don't want anything serious " . Which pissed me off to no end and makes me want to pull my hair out

" maybe you should just focus and work on yourself "

I HAVE!

For fucking years I am finally happy with myself and who I am. I'm not holding back and having so much fun

BUT IM FUCKING LONELY ROMANTICALLY

And I hate that I'm just not allowed to be mad .

No I don't want just anyone I'm not desperate , in fact I have a very specific person I'm looking for.

I AM ALLOWED TO BE UPSET THAT IT MIGHT NEVER HAPPEN . I DONT want anyones " it's okay get out there" or " you'll find them someday "

WHAT IF I DONT!!!

that is a probability

People do it all the time

I'm so tired and frustrated of this empty positivity

IM MAD

I JUST WANT TO BE SOMEONES FUCKING PIORTY JUST ONCE

I WANT SOMEONE TO LOVE ME FOR WHO I AM

I WANT SOMEONE THAT I CAN CALL HANDSOME AND SHOWER WITH GIFTS AND CUDDLE WHILE WATCHING HORROR MOVIES

I JUST WANT WHAT A GOOD SOLID RELATIONSHIP

and that may never happen

There are things you can do to boost the likability that you may meet someone

But it also just may never happen

And sometimes that really gets to me

Like today

Thankyou for reading if you did

I'm just so tired

[venomm-demonn]

Hey guys

Yea so I’ve been absent.

But here is the rest of what I have prepared for Whump month

These school projects are whopping my a$$ so I can’t say I will finish this.

Still havnt figured the cut out

Thank you to @cirrus-ghoulette

Day four: scars.

PhantomXpapa

All ghouls had scars. Either from element changes, past traumas from the pit, or old operations.

Even scars from just life things.

But when phantom was summoned into the abbey, he had scars he hid with everything he had. Not going with them to the beach or pools, not changing in the change rooms with them, and overall did anything in his power to make sure none of them saw the scars along his chests. The scars from his surgery. His top surgery.

And today was no exception, making sure to change in his dressing room, that was shared with papa,when papa wasn’t there.

Except he was completely shirtless when papa came in, using his key.

Phantom didn’t have time to react. And papa didn’t even blink a eye at his scars. Just giving him a once over and going to his desk.

« don’t tell anyone. Please. »

Phantom said, pulling his shirt on.

« Why would I? I have them too,don’t worry. »

Papa replied casually.

Phantom smiled and finished getting ready for the concert. It was thier secret. The next concert papa even showed phantom his own, comparing how well each healed. Phantom felt so excited and happy to have found someone who relates.

Day five: ritual

Cirrus X Culums X Sunshine

Cirrus and Culumus were always close. From the day they were summoned to now. But they both remember the day Sunshine got summoned.

They waited and saw her reach out from the pits. The pain of getting pulled up and out. And into the Top-side. They each grabbed a hand and pulled her out. The earth shattering scream they knew to well. Finally out they wrapped a blanket around her shoulders and walked her out of the hall. But it was no where close to done. Once they got the soot and ichor off her, they gave her her uniform. They took her back to the hall for the masking ceremony.

The mixed Ghoulette was handed a mask. The mask that bound her to Papa.

They remember the moment very well.

The silence and pause. Her scared eyes looking over everyone. How she lifted the mask to her head before putting it on. The claps and cheers from everyone.

After the main ritual, they took her under her wing. Sunshine was the newest for awhile.

The shock from the ritual lasted a few weeks. Sunshines body sore from pushing herself out of the pit, and getting used to her body on the topside. Culumus and Cirrus gave her clothes, and helped her with her hair and kept her comfortable and company while she settled in. They helped her get used to her air element, all while dew was very good with helping her with her fire too.

But they didn’t account for was how hard the transition from the pits to the topside would hit her. She felt lost and empty. Not in a homesick way, she doesn’t want to go back to the pits, but the feeling of difference up on the topside conspired to the pits. And every ghoul or ghoulette goes through it, but it hit her hard. Her whole life changed and brand new was something that took alot of mental capacity and it tired her out.

But with the help of Culumus and Cirrus she began to feel better and more comfortable.

Day six: phobia

RainXdew

It was a rainy day. Thunder and lightning shook the trees. The bangs and rattling of trees against the windows was very calming to everyone. They loved it. Most of them on the uppermost commons in the top of the abbey to hear it better. Well almost everyone. Rain did a head count to notice that few was no where to be seen.

He set his book down and headed downstairs and looked around to find dew.

To no avail.

He checked the rooms, the ghouls Den, and even the library, but still couldn’t find Dew.

The only place he didn’t account for was his own room. After awhile he decided to go back to his and complete the search and jsut text him instead, but as soon and he opened the door, he found Dew. Huddled up on Rains bed was a shaking Dew. A blanket over his shoulders and headphone over his head which he held tightly to his ears with his eyes closed. Every thunder strike he seemed to grip the headphone tighter and jump.

Rain walked over putting a hand on his shoulder and sat beside him.

« What’s wrong…? Is it the storm? »

He asked gently and calmly.

Dew nodded.

That was a first. The usual firey and strong ghoul now shaking and curled up over a storm. Rain hugged him close to him. Pulling the head phones of gently before holding him close to his chest. One hand over his ear, the other pressed against his chest. Dew calmed eventually and stopped shaking.

[tera-91]

Ranting and its only the beginning of June

The last while has been … interesting.

I haven’t heard anything from the manager so I am still in the dark if I still have a job. I feel like people are second guessing my choice to quit my job. Even if they think it was the “right” choice I keep getting asked questions. Like do you have anything lined up? Do you have another job? What are you going to do? And a bunch of other similar questions.

I cant tell if these questions are infuriating or just plain exhausting. Quiet honestly, I haven’t even applied to another job. Ive looked but haven’t applied. Its not because I think I might still have one, I think Im just decompressing.

Like I was burnt out.

Or maybe I was just overwhelmed.

I feel like I’m getting more motivated. Getting more inspiration.

I may not have finished them all but in the last almost month since I informed those that needed to know that I did not want to work there any longer I have started at least 8 stories. Im not sure that I started 8 stories in the last 6 months, maybe year.

What you just read was from several days ago. At this point I don’t even know how many days ago.

Most of the days seem to pass without getting much done as far as “physical” things so it is a little difficult to keep track.

I heard from that manager.

Jackass.

Spent easily 4 to 5 times longer on the phone than needed just to be told there are better options than me. Basically due to my physical limitations (I am not legally disabled) and my personal obligations I said before day one I couldn’t work past a certain time during certain days of the week.

So I told the higher up manager what this one said. Mostly because I have work with this manager for a long time, so I was just giving a curtesy heads up. This manager really has no say as far as that managers people so I wasn’t really expecting anything, not wanting anything. Plus at this point I had applied to a handful of jobs and put this manager as a point of reference.

No way will I ever use that manager as a reference. He is just enough of a vindictive individual that I don’t trust giving that information to perspective hiring people to speak to.

Well this manager said for me to come in. Maybe I could do something under a different manager. While not as many hours. It would just be something to keep me from fully being out. At least until this manager thinks things can be patched with that manager.

I am not hopeful.

Honestly, I don’t want to patch anything up.

I worked one shift already and know that I cant stick around.

At least not doing that.

If this manager ends up talking to that manager and that manager calls me saying things can get sorted. I honestly don’t know if I would.

The clock has been reset.

I will have some income from that shift anyway.

I have a little time before the next shift to keep me in the system.

I know what I want to do but not how to do it. I feel like I would be letting this manager down. Feel like I will be breaking a bridge. Not completely severing it. Just leaving it broken. Not quite safe to travel back across.

Im sure if that manager ended up leaving and this manager was still around, although rumor is they wont for much longer, this manager would bring me back. Little to no questions asked.

My friends have told me to do what feels right. Taking a break would be ok.

I believe them. I just havnt been able to push myself over that hurdle.

I don’t know what is stopping me.

Maybe a fear of rejection from another job opportunity I have in mind. Maybe a fear of failure when it comes to my book.

I still haven’t touched it.

I seem to be stuck in a loop.

Get up, take care of my furballs. Try to get some stuff done around the house or run errands but end up just binge watching shows that I need to catch up on. Then I feel this urge to be productive. When I feel like it would be safe to tackle things. By then though its late afternoon which is usually when I feel drained.

Then I wonder why did I not try to be productive earlier. When I didn’t feel as drained. Even though I know at that time I was lacking motivation. With one pup still recovering from surgery I didn’t feel safe leaving the room. Later afternoon is when they are also drained and sleeping.

Frustratingly.

Even when I do get the urge to do something and have the mental and physical capacity to do something. I procrastinate.

Before I sat down to write this I spent the better part of 30 minutes cleaning up a small area in my room. Then I checked to see if there were any more jobs to apply to and got a snack.

Really, I shouldn’t be writing this. But I haven’t done an update in I’m not sure how long.

Other than feeling like I could go take a nap my brain is telling me that I should be doing one of a handful of other things.

One thing I know cant take me long. Maybe 20 minutes. But no longer than 30.

Part of me feels like it is too loud. Or Im just too tired.

The next day is kind of better.

As of writing this I havnt done that thing yet but I probably will here soon.

Im still kind of tired but I feel like I cant start it until I give the pups their meds.

Finally heard back from the vet.

Not a lot of conclusive results for my big pup. Not sure why the heart did what it did but its responding to the meds. Just needs to have more frequent visits to make sure it stays that way and needs to lose some weight.

Which we have been trying and for the most part were successful. 2 pounds in 9 weeks. But then my little pup needed surgery and is not allowed to do a lot of stuff. So instead of walking several miles a week we might get just one in. I have a buggy that luckily the little one won’t jump out of and just sits as we stroll around. Its so hot that we can only go first thing which is not always an option.

I am going to get to work on some things now. Now that it is June im sure the weather is in full swing for most of everyone. Stay safe and please stay hydrated!

[relativelydefected]

I havnt posted in awhile. I just keep finding myself in deeper darker holes every time I turn around. Just one right after the other. It gets tough to think about let alone write about.

My mom is in the hospital again. She passed out 3 times this week again. My dad told me his struggles with bringing her up the stairs. Picking her up off the floor of their bedroom cause she couldn’t get on the bed. Went to visit her she got up to get me something and fell again.. she had two cat scans done. She has to wear a heart monitor to monitor her for an irregular heart beat. They found she had a small brain aneurism in her head.. as well as a spot in another part of her head as well. Which may be the reasons she keeps passing out. The past two days she’s had nausea. Which might explain the things going on in her head.

I quit therapy. For the simple fact that if something is to happen to my mom. I’m gonna be a wreck regardless. So no amount of therapy is going to help me with that. And I’m not using that as a scapegoat or an excuse. It’s the fucking truth. I don’t care who tells me otherwise.

No amount of breathing exercises or coping mechanism is going to help me with this portion of my life.

The kids are doing well. My daughter is clueless as to what is going on and my son is slowly starting to take into an account the seriousness of the situation. He cried about it last week and all I could tell him is that she’s fighting this she’s strong and that we’re gonna get through this together.

Things I should probably say to myself but knowing the reality of the situation. It’s tough to think that way while at the same time trying to prepare for something that might be inevitable.

I havnt been to the bike path for the past few days due to having a cold and this bipolar New England weather.

I even bought a longboard. Just to try something new.

Havnt been able to fully try it out cause it’s either raining or I’m sick or my kids are sick and I have to be home.

Havnt been able to see my mom the past week cause I’m fighting off this cold that doesn’t want to go away.

On a more semi positive note.

I met this guy on tiktok we talked for two days before we decided to hang out. What’s funny is he lives right down the street from me..He’s a single dad I’m a single mom.. he has a good job his own place.. he’s younger than me and that’s a first for me but I thought why not give it a shot. Really cute.

Has a stutter but that is also really cute .. we are both gamers we both like studio ghibli and Star Wars. We went to the mall he was so nice and easy to talk to he gave he gave me a hug it was just really lovely. It felt good to be treated like a lady after 11 years of being treated like garbage..I definitely felt a connection. Then of course my own insecurities took hold and I think I messed up the entire thing. He seems like such a good dad and he has all these nice qualities but some how some way I always manage to mess up a good thing. That’s my life. It’s like I psych myself out every time. I can’t just let things flow or be. Maybe he’s not attracted to me? I don’t know..

He has a twitch I watch it, try to message but don’t hear back so not much I can do 🤷🏽‍♀️ think im just gonna stop messaging at this point.

It felt good to go out shop and have fun and not think about the crap going on in my life so for like 5 hours I was at peace for the first time in months.

Good things never last. They are rare but fleeting.

You’d think I’d be used to it by now but im not.

But I tried right? Even if it didn’t work out.. I can say I tried to meet someone and put myself out there.

But I also feel guilt about being happy. When everyone around me is falling apart.

Maybe when I go back to work it will be a distraction from all this. But I can’t go back till I figure out my daughters situation with school or whether i need to put her in daycare full time.

Cause I can’t do both and I have no one to help me in this situation unfortunately.

I’ll try to update more. If you guys have prayers I could always use them.

#depression #anxiety #terminalcancer #stage4cancer #breastcancer #mentalhealth #life

[that-starry-freak]

If you could say something to all TSAMS characters, what would you say?

Oh hi it's you!! Uhh- hmm.. fuck okay this is going to be hard but we've got this

All of them: therapy, now <3

Sun: I am so, so proud of you. You are so much stronger than you think. You've defeated a witherstorm, and now you've stood up to Moon and told him you don't forgive him. I'm so proud of you Sun. You can do this, you can continue on. I know its hard, but I believe in you

Moon: Get. Your. Shit. Together. You may be entertaining and sarcastic, but I dont give a fuck. Knowing you're shit isn't enough, you need to fix it. Stop fucking yelling at Sun, and stop literally just repeating your mistakes again. You act like you're the smartest bot in the world, but when it comes to your family you're the stupidest. You're just proving the stereotype of Moons being awful. Like fuck man, do better.

Nexus: God you're a fucking idiot- Sol is using you, hon. He doesn't like moon's, and while you arnt old Moon, you still are a moon. Also, please, you arnt evil. You arnt in a good mental state and you may think yourself to be evil, but you were once the kindest and sweetest bot in the whole show. Im sure you can get there again with healing <3 no one is naturally evil. You have just had so, so much pressure on you since the start. Please, stop your evil schemes and just... relax

Earth: ... god- Break up with Monty, pretty please. And stop trying to be a therapist. You can be the therapist friend, sure, but you should not be a therapist for your family. It is impossible for you to have a comptletly and utterly 3rd party perspective because you know them. Stop acting like its professional.

Lunar: I dont have much to say to you, just please try to not have such a surface level crush on Gemini

Gemini: not much to say to you either, just please fucking tell things to Lunar and make up like fuck- idk if you still are not telling him things because I don't watch laes but fuck, tell him things please

Eclipse (v4): I am so, so sorry. Im so sorry for all the hypocrisy everyone has ever had towards you. I'm so sorry for all the pain you have that wasn't ever meant to be yours. I'm so sorry for the harsh treatment towards you, even when you havnt done anything wrong. I understand why you're wary about Ash, and I wish people would give you some understanding. Does Ash deserve it? No. Do you deserve to be so harshly treated for not trusting the killcode, even though Sun and Moon don't trust you for things you didn't even do? No. Its awful that you are being treated like this. But please, please try. Ash means no harm, and things really are different here. Ash isn't old Moon, and he isn't Nexus. You're safe, its going to be alright. Please, give him a chance, I think having another friend could be good for you. <3

Monty: kill yourself, stop being a greedy overconfident bastard, fuck you

Sol: please dont use Nexus. Please actually help him, pretty please. He was practically the only actually good moon, please help.him go back to it. I know you're doing all of this for Sun, but I really think having a brother who cares about him would be so much better for Sun. Pllleeaaasseee <<<3333

Ruin: God i don't even have anything to say- just- *hug*

Solar: please dont give up on Nexus, and please dont fully trust Moon. Moon clearly has something against Nexus, plleeassee. Also I love you have fun raising your son <3

Creator: kill yourself

Kc: revive yourself and come fucking get your son he's all sad

Okay I think that's it- at least from the ones I want to do!!

[myuni-moon]

Hello 🍸 Anon here, and yes it has been a while. I saw that previous ask and I have to agree with whoever sent it. This is not an attack on any creator they are free to write what they wish and I'm No one to judge or criticize someone, but at the same time I feel like i don't even recognize what SAGAU has become. Imposter AU? , villain AU?? I still don't know what these are and nowadays they are the most prevalent SAGAU works and almost everything is about them. 😔

I actually had exams so I havnt been active for a while, but now looking at all this I'm not even sure if I want to be active anymore.

Still Myuni you are a great writer, you posts were the one that introduced me to this wonderful AU... And i hope whatever new projects/works you plan with this blog come to fruition.

welcome back, anon! i hope you’re doing fine. be sure to take care of yourself and take a break! you’ve done well.

i’ve made a post to explain certain au’s, anon. i can’t link it at the moment, but you should be able to find it under the #myuni.info tag!

i understand what you’re getting at, anon. i’m not usually online here either because of school and other responsibilities, so i’ll just log in one day with the sagau fics suddenly orbiting one specific idea i have no idea about until later on in the day. it honestly makes me dizzy.

i tend not to write imposter!au or villain!au (generally angsty au’s) since it gets way too repetitive and i gravitate towards fluff in general. i don’t meant to slander anyone, but half of the sagau posts rn are just revenge fantasies and the same old plot but written differently.

i’ve seen a hundred posts that are “reader bleeds gold and now you suffer.” just rinse and repeat. i admit that i’ve written something of the sort once, but it’s been all the same for awhile.

this is why i also want to bring up tagging of specific sub-au’s for people who want to avoid them! i’m kind of sick of reading the same villain!au plot over and over again. i highly encourage people to PLEASE TAG SUB-AU’S FOR THE SAGAU. put it in the description or just simply tag it— anything to tell me that i’m reading villain!au.

[wheresmybuckyhoes]

I am not sitting on you Bucky (smut)

Summary: You need to sit in Bucky’s lap for a car ride, and obvisouly he takes up the opportunity to do certain things to you

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x female reader

Warnings: smut (18+), swearing, public fingering, pet names, using the metal arm very wisely ;)

Note from moi: I literally just had this idea and it’s so fricking hot so enjoy!

‘Everyone in the car now!’ Commanded Steve as he tossed his shield in the boot of the car, slamming it shut a lot harder than intended.

‘Rogers this is a party. You know... a thing to attend when you want to relax and take a day off. We aren’t on a mission, so chill!’ you laughed, gently shoving his arm earning sniggers from Thor and Bucky. You, Thor, Steve, and Bucky were going to a party in celebration of the success of your recent mission. Steve wouldn’t tell any of you what he had planned, despite the constant bugging from you and Thor. Bucky couldn’t care less what Steve had planned, as long as you weren’t going to Hydra’s base. The 4 of you made your way over to Steve’s old car. It was a beautiful shade of blue, although the paint was peeled and rusty.

‘Human cars are pathetic. In Azgard we have these amazing golden spaceships way better than...’ you heard Thor’s deep voice boom behind you. You narrowed your eyes as you approached the car. You couldn’t really tell what was weird about it due to the built up dirt on the windows, but something was off. You opened your mouth to comment on it before Steve cleared his throat awkwardly. ‘This car maaaay only have 3 seats due to an unfortunate explosion which ripped a hole through one of the back seats. Any chance you can fly Thor?’ Steve said, looking around. ‘If you think I’m going to FLY in this hot weather when I havnt even eaten yet today you are very much mistak...’ Thor began but was interrupted by a low voice from behind you.

‘Y/n can sit on me’ Bucky said calmly, as you turned around quickly to protest, trying to get a word out only to be cut of by Steve clapping his hands together. ‘Great! Right team let’s go!’ He smiled, getting into the drivers seat with Thor beside him. ‘I’m not sitting on you Bucky’ you said to Bucky, crossing your arms watching him lean against the car door, his eyes looking at you with a weird look. Almost lustful. He took a step towards you as you stared into his eyes, not daring to back down first. ‘Well you better princess, Cap just turned the engine on. I promise I’ll hold you tight’ he winked at you before opening the passenger door and getting in. You looked around at the empty street, flustered. If he thinks for one second you are going to enjoy this, he is very mistaken. You huff, and get in the car, quickly sitting on Bucky and shutting the door.

Steve and Thor were busy chatting away about beards and Loki, and you had been driving for half an hour with no problems. But as you looked out of the window, you suddenly felt a cold metal hand graze your thigh. You jumped at the feeling, only to feel Bucky use his other hand to cover your mouth and pull your head back, so his mouth barley touched your ear. ‘You look like you havn’t been pleased for a long time, y/n. Getting all flustered when I hadn’t even touched you yet. I think a princess like you deserves to feel good. So, you keep quiet for me, and I can help you out. Sounds good?’ he whispered in your ear, sending shivers all the way down your spine, feeling butterflies in more areas than one.

You were so confused and shocked at this sudden advance. You were friends with Bucky, even good friends. But to be honest, you havn’t been able to really get of since you started going on missions, being very busy, and you always caught Bucky staring at you when he had the chance. You were sure he also hadn’t been able to touch a girl in a while due to being just as busy if not more busy than you. So for some reason, you nodded slowly, moving your hands down either side of you, gripping his legs.

That was all Bucky needed. His strong metal arm moved to cover your mouth properly as his other, still strong hand smoothly slid down your waist. He slid it beneath your skirt, while still being above your panties. He kissed your neck as he began to gently rub your clit in slow circles, earning a small moan from you which was quickly muffled by his hand. Thor and Chris were still blissfully unaware as to what was going on in the back seat.

Bucky sped up slightly, feeling you soak through your panties very, very quickly. He leaned in to groan quietly in your ear ‘so wet for me already’. You rolled your eyes into the back of your head - not from the sarcasm but from the absolute pleasure you had just receive from the tingling hum of Bucky’s voice by your ear. Bucky was speeding up his circles, and you began to quickly feel the warm knot in your stomach begin to build up, nearing your release at a rather fast pace. You began to slightly shake, and as you began to breath heavier, Bucky decided it would be a great idea to pull his fingers away completely.

You wanted to scream but all it resulted in was your whining into his hand and you gripping his legs, trying not to cry. You were so close, and the lack of friction was torture. Bucky leaned in once more, grabbing your hair by the roots (so it didn’t hurt) and pulling your head back. ‘Did you want me to let you finish?’ he asked innocently. You nodded furiously, grabbing at his hand and trying to put it back in its place. ‘Very eager. Don’t worry, I’ll finish you off’ he smirked against your ear. Before you had time to question his snarky tone, hand still on your mouth, he inserted a finger into your very wet pussy, pumping slowly at first, speeding up as your adjusted. He proceeded to insert 2, quickly making the burning feeling build up again. You could feel his boner grow, pressing against your bum, and decided to slightly grind against him to tease him for edging you.

This made Bucky slightly buck his hips, groaning into your ear. ‘Shouldn’t have done that y/n’. He removed his metal hand to replace it with his juice covered one, inserting 2 metal fingers into you. It didn’t hurt, as you were very lubricated by your own juices, but when he inserted 3, you felt your brain explode. ‘Fuck fuck fuuuck’ you whined into his hand. He fingered your immensely quickly, holding you down with his legs on your legs as you squirmed on his lap from the over stimulation. He circled your clit with his thumb as he continued to finger you. You were being pushed over the edge now. He whispered in you ear, ‘cum for me princess’ as you felt the burning spread to your legs, and eventually reached your finish. You felt your whole body shake. Your eyes rolled into the back of your head as Bucky sped up if that were even possible. Your body was burning, your stomach was tensing, and you felt wave after wave of pleasure, and the boner wasn’t helping you to stay calm. You could feel how big he was underneath you.

As much as the hand muffled your moans, you were still a tiny bit too loud. As you began to come down from the most intense orgasm you had ever experienced, Thor turned around. Your eyes widened, and you felt Bucky smirk behind you. Thor’s mouth fell open, seeing you a hot mess with Bucky’s metal arm down your pants, smirking like a man who had just won the lottery. ‘Holy shit’ You heard Thor say, but not quite see as you were still seeing stars. ‘What’ Steve asked as Bucky removed his hand and uncovered your mouth, grabbing you by the jaw and turning your head around to kiss you deeply. As you kissed Bucky, you felt him smile and laugh into the kiss as you heard Steve get more confused. ‘What?! Am I missing something here. I demand you tell me as your leader. What is happening. Thor? Bucky? Y/n?’ At the sound of your name you pulled away and giggled, deciding to push away your shame and wink at Bucky, turning to face Thor with a huge grin on your face. Thor in turn grabbed Steve’s shoulder giving him a rough pat, saying ‘Don’t worry Rogers, eyes on the road’. ‘No I’m missing something here. WHAT DID YOU DO BUCKY’ Steve said as his face reddened. ‘Nothing Steve, eyes on the road’ Bucky replied, making Thor and you giggle like little children.

The rest of the journey went something like that. You sat in Bucky’s lap, his arms wrapped securely around your waist. For the first time in your life, you felt truly blissfully happy and safe.