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huh ya know it might be a genuine chicken and the egg thing. because like yeah it could be " I had an anxiety disorder from a young age which led me to constantly worry I was leaving "evidence" behind and one day will find me out to being a monster and that is why I have to hide any desire of femininity(and fail at doing it anyways)" or it could be "I picked up on the fact this world did not like people like me from a young age, and so I have to hide from the world that I am one of those people, and doing that led to behaviors and feelings that led eventually to developing an anxiety disorder"
#to this day we worry about being “found out” by something#often something we are worried we werent even aware of#idk#i hope this makes sense.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS IS NOT A POST ABOUT EXCUSING 1X05 THIS IS NOT ABOUT EXCUSING THE DROP THIS IS ANALYSIS PLEASE DON'T BE A CLOWN
Hmmm I think it is interesting how vampires see harm and love and companionship.
Like I do think that Lestat thought The Drop was the end of his and Louis's relationship (and maybe in a way still thinks that). I think he saw that Louis was not then in a place to truly, deeply attempt to be "his" (heavy quotation marks) and so he, impulsive and angry and bizarre, decided that was it! That was the end of it! He's a guy that leaves situations that make him unhappy. He's a guy that drops (please, I actually think this is purposeful) shit and pursues his own pleasure. I think he thought (at the time) that he dropped Louis because he was like, well, that's that! He's never going to love me so I do not care about him anymore! I want to hurt him like he hurt me and then we are done for! (irrational, cruel, not true, not a good thing just to be clear). I think if he'd felt, in that moment, that there might be some hope of a future for them together, he would not have dropped Louis. I just also think he was completely fucking wrong! He seems to express both of these sentiments in the trial "to break what you cannot own" and "I hurt the only one... The only one."
I don't think he anticipated his own enduring love or care for Louis. I don't think he anticipated that he might, in fact, not actually be able to drop Louis and move on. I think that shocked him pretty significantly because in the past things had either been TAKEN from him (Nicki, Gabrielle, the Monestary, his humanity, even Magnus to an extent) or he left them willingly and with some ease (the coven, Armand, France, the rest of his family). He let go of Louis and Louis shattered and then he cared that Louis shattered. I imagine that was pretty shocking! I also think that's part of why he talks to Louis about the thread of fate that binds him in 1x07. He was willing to die. He would've let Louis kill him (which is not to say I think he wanted to die, or was truly just passive and accepting, but we know he knew the plan. We know he had no real compunctions about Louis wanting him dead. We know he threw all the blame on Claudia and, even still, was going to let it happen, and even still believed he deserves it). I think he learned a lesson. Too little, too late, but I think he learned it. I also think he did not want Louis to go through the same pain.
And then you flash forward to the trial, the tower, the hurricane house.
So basically, I do not think Lestat thought he would continue loving Louis after the drop. I think he saw it as an ending, and therefore Fine. And then he realized it wasn't (like a cruel child) and that shook and changed him. And then he got murdered and he realized that he deserved it. And then he finally grew (imagine that???).
And can he come back from that? Given eternity? I hope so. But it is brutal.
#interview with the vampire#IWTV meta#louis de pointe du lac#lestat de lioncourt#Loustat#I hope this makes sense.
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im gonna read more for borderline discourse-y statements but i’m not making morality judgements or “community label judgements”
i think so much lgbt ace identity discourse is a, pretty reductive and pointless, but b, not very empathetic? and i mean that people want to see themselves in vacuums.
putting words on something and even calling it a spectrum is super easy, but it’s just not that simple for everyone?
maybe you feel lesser romantic attachment than some people but that doesn’t inherently force you to identify with the aromantic labels or spectrum. you just have a different relationship with romantic feelings. it doesn’t mean you’re part of something or have to be.
and then it’s just like. we all experience these feelings to certain degrees that happen to differ wildly, and it’s cruel to act as if one person has no knowledge or concept of any other orientation, because human identity just doesn’t work so starkly?
like the need to attach an “experience” to something. kids not having crushes may decide they identify as aromantic or they might just not. have crushes. or maybe they will later. words aren’t an end all be all.
not wanting to have sex doesn’t mean you have to be asexual. that’s a big rift i see. that telling someone no, on any occasion, puts you on the acearo spectrum, and then being pushed back on that without consent is a form of specific discrimination, when it is something anyone can, unfortunately, experience, and a pretty big symptom of patriarchal structures
i’m not “siding” with anyone, online discourse is stupid and fundamentally flawed. i don’t see the “lgbt community” as this stamp of approval. and this is all orientation based, not taking other facets of life into consideration. it can get way more complicated with faith, gender, etc.
idk. i think if we all made an effort to understand we’re more alike than we are different things would be better
#i hope this makes sense.#like. it’s just so off-putting to be told that ‘this makes you acearo’ or any other term because words don’t define feelings#not for everyone anyway. maybe some people live like that. i really don’t know
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from the most basic level. art majors and careers deserve way more pay and respect bc. you have to realize. artists and the like contribute a lot to the world. both foundational and enriching.
#loner.txt#i hope this makes sense.#ofc i can go. way deeper if given the time to write smth ig bht. this should be enough of a reason
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HxH and HTTP Status Codes
The HTTP 403, 404, and 405 references in the Hunter Exam (as foreshadowing or character-summaries) is so sickening, but at the same time it's hard to deny that Togashi probably was referencing them, considering that the manga came out in 1998 while HTTP codes were a thing since 1992-1993 (and he spent a whole page explaining what the internet and computers were). It could definitely be a coincidence, but the definitions of what 403, 404, and 405 end up meaning is something we see as the stories have progressed.
For context, these are the Error Codes, and as the reader I think you may already guess and connect the dots on why I find the correlations so intriguing:
403 Forbidden: Leorio
The request contained valid data and was understood by the server, but the server is refusing action. (Wikipedia) The client does not have access rights to the content; that is, it is unauthorized, so the server is refusing to give the requested resource. Unlike 401 Unauthorized, the client's identity is known to the server... re-authenticating makes no difference. The access is tied to the application logic, such as insufficient rights to a resource. (Mozilla)
404 Not Found: Kurapika (We all know this)
The requested resource could not be found but may be available in the future. Subsequent requests by the client are permissible. (Wikipedia) A 404 status code only indicates that the resource is missing: not whether the absence is temporary or permanent. If a resource is permanently removed, use the 410 (Gone) status instead. (Mozilla)
405 Method Not Allowed: Gon (Though I think the name of the error can speak for itself)
The request method is known by the server but is not supported by the target resource. (Mozilla) A request method is not supported for the requested resource. (Wikipedia)
Further thoughts:
While it's possible that this can definitely be a stretch or a coincidence, it sure is an interesting way to look at it. And even if Togashi did not intend for these to connect, it makes me even more interested to continue reading HxH to see how long they'll connect until they're no longer applicable.
404 interests me because of "temporary unavailable" and "it may be available again in the future", so I wonder if that's applicable not only to Kurapika himself but to the Kurta Clan as well, considering we're entering the Dark Continent and I've already seen a theory on the Kurta Clan originating from the DC one way or another (reddit links)
Think of these as an allegory or metaphor
Mozilla page on HTTP Response Status Codes / Wikipedia page on HTTP Status Codes
#HxH#Hunter x Hunter#HxH Meta#Meta#It's sickening in a way where it makes a lot of sense and it makes me a little sad.#To the point where I don't want to explain the correlation and I'd rather have whoever is reading this make their own connections.#This is so sick and twisted.#While I can even argue about how 401 would 'make more sense for Leorio over 403'-#This post is about 'How their /given/ exam numbers can be tied to them' rather than 'what it ''should'' have been instead'#I hope this makes sense.#Also I am no expert in HTTP and programming or web development- so take what I say with a grain of salt.#I'm speaking in my singlet 'im not a fictive' voice to keep this post coherent... If I had my way I'd just say 'myself' the entire time.#Pikachika#New Talking tag.. Chika being a reference to Chika / Chika Chika (Filipino) Which means to chit-chat or engage in gossip.
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A reminder especially to my disabled friends that doing care tasks (flossing, tidying up, doing dishes, changing filters, watever) inconsistently is always better than not doing them at all. Flossing when you remember to is better than not flossing. Doing the dishes when you have the spoons is better than never doing them. Even if you can't do these care tasks consistently, that's ok. Don't let that shame corner you into never doing them. Really, I don't know anybody who can function on a level where they do all of their care tasks 100% of the time. It is ok
#mads.txt#I hope this makes sense.#I've been feeling a bit shamey about my inability to form habits related to self care#But like. Doing em when I feel like it is better than not doing them
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My hottest take (and I genuinely do believe this) is that most trans women pass perfectly well. They just don't pass as supermodels. Every "nonpassing" trans woman I've ever met looks like your average midwestern cis woman.
#i hope that makes sense#i think most women cis or trans feel like that#that they have to live up to this ideal beauty standard or theyre not “real women”
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In a world where a domino mask, or even just taking glasses out, is enough for concealing your identity...
Nobody should be able to recognize Jason post-ressurection.
Like he took 3 feet, 100 pounds of muscles, undergone puberty, magicked a part of his hair white, and his eyes changed colour.
He takes his helmet out in his dramatic reveal, and Batman is like : ... okaaaaay ? I am supposed to know who you are ??
#jasontodd#red hood#jason todd#batman#batfam#bruce wayne#fuck the imperial systems#i just guessed numbers#hope it make sense#choosed them just for the vibe#utrh
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frankly, the people whose kneejerk reaction to bisan asking for a global strike form the 21st-28th is to say that it takes years to organize a general strike are really unhelpful! no one is saying otherwise, but palestine will be a smoking crater if we all wait for years to do anything - bisan is asking us to do something now. Like are we only supposed to do something if we can do it perfectly??? At some point it’s a valid critique about the work that goes into social movement, and at another point I feel like some people are just trying to absolve themselves from not putting any effort into observing a week of economic inaction.
like idk! I get it, okay! People have bills to pay that don’t magically go away for a strike, we don’t have nearly enough social infrastructure in place to support people to fully stop going to work for a week. But fuck, dude! Stop immediately responding in such a defeatist way! Cut out unnecessary purchases! Try to shop local! Put more effort into promoting Palestinian voices online! Attend a protest, call a local rep, do something!
#like am I going insane#why did I see a post with thousands of notes on it talking about how it doesn’t make sense to be asking for this sort of action#it doesn’t make SENSE?#like god! I hope you’re taking other more sensible courses of action then!#fucks sake man#bisan is living through a waking nightmare and some of you are so pedantic and miserly#palestine#free Palestine
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Is there a name for nostalgia for a time you weren't old enough to truly enjoy yet because it is embedded in me like fucking shrapnel.
#fucked generation getting to see the last of technology being good#coming of age just in time for everything to go to shit#I hope this makes sense.
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still ruminating over Lost In the Book With Spooky Skeletons Part 1, so here's a selection of some of my favorite little bits! (...some more loosely paraphrased than others) (I just feel like Idia has no room to criticize in general, okay)
anyway, I'm sure we're just going to have a fun time celebrating Halloween and nothing bad is going to happen whatsoever! :)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#lost in the book with nightmare before christmas#hajimari no halloween#calling dibs on skeleton kisses as the name of my band#man scully is just a delightful little weirdo and i'm enjoying him immensely#(i'm going with scully until we get something official just because it makes me think of x-files)#(スカリー is also how the agent's name is transliterated and i don't know if it was intentional but i love it as a bonus reference)#(i want to believe™)#gosh though#'no one at school likes me because i won't shut up about halloween and jack skellington' i'm feeling VERY attacked right now twst#look scully your people are out there#just get on the forums and -- oh wait you're probably from like the 1800s or something#(my theory is that he's from the past and there's just some Book Magic going on to bring us together)#(LOOK they made a point of saying that the book fair has been held annually for a super long time)#a hot topic goth born before hot topic was invented...so sad 😔#i dunno i could be wrong but that feels like a good working theory for now#if it wasn't for mal sensing twsty ~magic~ on him i would think he's like. a christmas elf who's going to kidnap jack in a reverse-nmbc#(not ruling that out though because it would be amazing)#god all the sprites in this event look AMAZING. loving the desaturated colors and the extra drawn-on lines 😍#i'm genuinely kinda sad that we aren't gonna get to see every character like this#who knows...maybe halloweentown will be imperiled again next year...#come back and destroy my keys again please#(that said i'm doing weirdly well so far?)#(i promised i'd save for sebek and just do cursory pulls to get the SRs and not hope for the SSRs)#(...but then leona jumpscared me four coffins in anyway. halloween magic is REAL)
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brain please wake up and draw
bonus :
#mcu#marvel cinematic universe#xmen#xmen movies#xmen dofp#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#professor x#magneto#logan howlett#wolverine#snap sketches#usually i have a vague sense of a scenario or 'plot' behind my doodles but i do not have one !!!!#i just needed to draw something to get my brain going so i can focus on bigger things i wanted to draw#im like 50/50 on if i particularly like this BUT it did well for a warm up so im content with it#at least the logan doodle is making me chortle to myself velkvjeal#alright bye im gonna go think my friend cancelled our plans so i have a lot more time before i watch speak no evil#heres to hoping i get. literally anything done vjAEK
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These clown animatronics in FNAF wild as hell..
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf fanart#ennard#the mimic#jackie fnaf#fnaf sister location#secret of the mimic#michael afton#I really wanted to draw Jackie again#I love her design especially her silly extendo arms#some folks think Ennard and Jackie might be the same robot#like Ennard was gonna be a Funtime Jackie#which I think would be really neat to finally know what Ennard was supposed to be#Jackie hopeful gets along with the other clown animatronics#it’s funny to compare these two#CAUSE AS OF NOW Jackie has done much#we won’t know all her crimes till later#but I will say Ennard probably set the bar 💀#it’s hard to get more freaky than him but we’ll see if Jackie can do it#Jackie gives me very ‘cheesed to meet you’ vibes if that makes any sense
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Get in shape, Bill!
#juddrawing#i hope this makes sense because i came up with it at 3am#please appreciate my Get in shape pun...#gravity falls#bill cipher#the book of bill#standford pines#billford#ford pines
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this makes more sense viewed after previous post (i hope)
link to rest of the series
Gambler Ratio forgot how to see himself as a scholar.
(it's still in there, he just doesn't know where.)
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made some lil sticker designs of fnaf movie human/animatronic duos :3c they r on my redbubble if u wanna stick em anywhere lols
#i hope these pairings make sense i put thought into em even tho its basic thoughts lols#fnaf#five nights at freddys#mike schmidt#foxy fnaf#foxy the pirate fox#abby schmidt#bonnie fnaf#bonnie the bunny#chica fnaf#chica the chicken#vanessa shelly#vanessa fnaf#freddy fazbear#golden freddy#william afton#springtrap#springbonnie
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