#I just don’t fucking understand what my output is tbh

[iishmael]

ok im back to hating everything. My prof really did NOT do a good job this semester I feel completely unprepared and… I’m aware that what I’m trying to do is so much more complex than what we covered in class but normally I don’t have problems to scale things up like this but I think I severely underestimated the complexity of what I’m trying to model. Lol. god I’m so scared bc a huge part of my research hinges on me figuring this out and I have NO ONE I can ask bc no one works with QGIS on this scale so help me fucking g-d lmaoooo 😭

[glassroo]

i love blue peep but why are they condemned to shock collar??? kinda fucked up to use ECT on a psychic without consent i’m sure there’s better stuff. or was it already there and the psychonauts are trying to figure out how to take it off??? or was it voluntary on their end like “i will fuck you all up if you don’t physically harm me?” not being judgy or anything! just trying to figure out how the psychonauts and stuff slot together in your world cause your ocs are so fucking cool

AIGHT so first off i wanna start by saying TY FOR ASKING ABT MY OCS THIS DOESNT HAPPEN ENOUGH 💝💝 this response will be layered, bc when it comes to any of my ocs, what ive written barely covers 1/50th of whats in my head. ill try and dot-point without rambling too long

the shock collar isnt as severe as it looks, i really leaned into the "exaggerated overblown Psychonauts™️ design" with it. the Psychonauts put the collar on them shortly after committing them to their psychic rehabilitation program. it generates enough of a zap to bother them, and stop their psychic power. nothing more. regular checkups are performed by Sasha to make sure the output treads the border of effective and safe

there is, as of the year our friend is 15, a psychic rehabilitation program within the Psychonauts. its mostly geared towards the youth, people with more pliable minds that tend to be more receptive to change, general age range being 13-19, and is headed by Oleander. Kylie (our pink muppet bestie) and a few others are also in this program :)

I also typecast the Psychonauts as being a bit more...antiquated with their methods. remember the psychoisolation chambers? i wouldnt put a goofy ahh psychic shock collar past them

our baffling friend has used their psychic suggestion so often throughout their life that it triggers in any question they ask or vague statement they make. the shock collar is part of their CBT, and was deemed necessary after they displayed a severe lack of control over this dangerous ability, plus their (admittedly small) rap sheet. anyone not actively shielding their mind WILL be influenced by their words

their overuse stemmed from the need to constantly use their power to survive their situation growing up. without going too much into it, they experienced severe emotional neglect, moderate physical neglect, among more nuanced stuff that comes from having emotionally immature parents

they committed crimes of their own accord. this only started a few months before the Psychonauts captured them. it's not a regular pattern of behaviour for them. they had come into contact with a psychic with similar, but much more pronounced abilities, which influenced them greatly. the Psychonauts (justifiably) fear that without harsh intervention this behaviour would escalate. this person is somewhat on the Psychonauts radar, but not much is known about them

with all said, our friend didnt consent to the shock collar. i dont think most 15y/o's would. but theyre aware of their issues with unintentional power usage...they just dont think its a big deal though. theyve never had an issue with their power hurting someone, so isnt everything being blown way out of proportion?

throughout their rehabilitation they do come to realise (much like Raz with Hollis) that tampering with the minds of others is not something done lightly. while at the start of their rehab their sentences are constantly interrupted by jolts and zaps, somewhat symbolic of their lack of understanding or care for how their words (powers) affect others, towards the end there's barely a spark when they speak. theyre even able to ask a few questions without triggering the collar, or their powers

in summary, this character has a lot of me in them, and tbh i couldve used some harsh psychic CBT instead of having to unlearn bad coping mechanisms the long, hard way. like me, they hate having a name, they love quiet public transit, they fear expectations, and they ponder where their somewhat aimless life will take them. im glad you like them, and i hope my 3am ramblings have grown your appreciation for them! i think the name J. (Jayden) Doe will work for them. for now. like me, theyll probably change it later :)

[dietraumerei]

Weekly Writing and Reading Update

*pulls out chair, sits on it backwards*

Okay so there’s like a dozen of you that still read my stuff, but I feel like this is worth writing down!

I am burned out. I am extremely burned out. Not of fandom, but of my job. I’m also moving in just over a month, a process which will...certainly be! I’m moving to a much smaller, quieter city, and I think that will help, as will starting to look for a new job basically as soon as the movers drive off. (I have extremely in-demand skills; I honestly don’t think it will take too long.) I’m going to schedule a month off between jobs, incidentally, because I will need one.

As part of being burned out, I’m very tired. I’m having a lot of trouble concentrating, and doing things for more than a few minutes at a time -- especially writing. I have a lot of stories I still want to tell, but my brain is not up for that right now. So I’ll write stories for Whumptober, but probably only a few of the prompts, instead of the whole month or nearly the whole month. I’ll work on other stories -- probably extant femme AU’s, because that’s easy for me to write. Ditto probably writing a lot of h/c. I’ll post when I have something to post, but it won’t be remotely regular. Because I worked through a pandemic and my company did not decrease its demands on us, and continues to increase them. I blame this fully on my job, and despite my firm work/life boundaries, I am burned out, because my CEO doesn’t understand the concept of slowing down and not breaking things, in general and while a global fucking pandemic is killing millions of people. I am extremely clear on this, and it’s part of why I’m looking for another job, instead of asking for a sabbatical or similar.

I’m really angry too, it turns out.

So basically -- I love this fandom, I love my stories, I love writing Aziraphale and Crowley, and I will go back to my slightly bonkers output again someday, but first I have to heal.

Writing

(hah -- I also had to do some computer magic this week which means I lost all my dates for my works! So this is to the best of my memory.)

Gather Ye Together: A Moiety-verse story! The middle chapter of this is currently my favorite comfort fic I’ve ever written.

chitaVisits: Castle Terra story, guess what it’s about ;) I”m in love with my lil aro-ace OC, so I hope to showcase her here.

whumptober2021: I have a few stories written! Adding as I feel moved to. I’m hoping for a few new AU’s out of this one, honestly. All of the f/f AU’s, please.

itsSummertime: a Castle Terra story I’ve abandoned; it’s really boring, tbh. A big chunk makes up the prologue to the new story, though.

Reading

I finished Erin Morganstern’s The Starless Sea, which I liked a lot more than The NIght Circus. It’s a little too pleased with itself in parts, but the story is good and the imagery gorgeous, so I”m happy I read this.

[bitteropinions]

I dont understand why MCU insists on calling 20yo as 'kids'.

Wanda was a 27yo in CA:CW who willingly joined Hydra at the age of 24/25 & did not regret for one bit and despite all of her actions, made to be a hero.

While Karli was around 20 in 2024 & despite her good intentions went violent and apathic along the way. (But her role as a villain was not diverted to a hero. At the most she was an anti-hero wanting to help people around the world.)

Like we do not see that for Tony when he took over SI at 21 or Natasha who was an assasin in her teens. For these instances, Tony is a villain for not knowing weapons sold under the table (his only crime was not paying better attention where his weapons went) & Natasha is a selfish honeypot killer & would betray anyone to save herself.

What do you think about this?

I got sidetracked alot but I hope it answers your question

I think its ass that they fucked her character one of the only openly Jewish characters to get likes and they succeeded. They victimized her and made her the ultimate I'm a white women who can get away with being infantized.

Karli literally is a direct output from the super serum its fucked her without her knowledge she is literally under the influence(she still faced repercussions and if mxu Steve was alive and well you know his reaction to her would be different). Natasha is jumpy on her own but she always it open about the fact that she will do whatever it takes to keep herself floating but even she was ready for the pushback by exposing her own secrets. And Tony was drugged out and falling into his father legacy unlike his father tho he realized that something is wrong here and begun to fix it, he fucked up, and so did natasha but their reactions to doing so from fans were overwhelming angry unlike wanda who is now a grown adult and still purposely hurting people.

Wandavision makes me mad. She is a actual child dating captian America in canon she doesn't really know what's happening, she's still whiny and a bitch tbh but her plot was handled better and with more plot line then slapping wanda smack dab in the middle of what was already becoming a mCU fuck up of plot lines. She was more able to be sympathized with in the comics.

And alot of her fans are White teen girls who don't care about her orgins or why this version of her sucks. They think they relate with her when they really don't because #girlboss and feed into this she needs to be protected smol bean bullshit.

And its not just her tho mostly all the introduced villans and opposition as of late have been widely accepted and watered down. Disney is blatantly showing their racism in alot of their movies shows and projects and all those characters have been accepted and defended for by their predominantly white fan base. INSERT KYLO REN (I like his character but I'm black I won't defend him but we see people dying for him on tumblr). Even Mal from descendants got infantized for drugging Ben while Uma a black female lead was made to be a villain and horrible person for doing the same thing, people where even mad that she got a redemption at all.

Fatws right now is the only show of Disney's that I'm actually feeling, disneys becoming more ballsy with showing us they don't care about their, poc fans and actor/ress, religious alignments, lgbtq canon and even back ground characters etc every time and it's getting mad uncomfortable. I stopped supporting disney plus because of it (mulan) and I've only been back on my sister profile for f&tws and next loki.

[dpargyle]

_

I'm not doing that podcast anymore. I'm racking my brain here trying to figure out how to build an audience/make $ creatively rn. Every conventional avenue is cut off to me, as I've explained before. I don't really want to write books anymore (due to restricted creative control/sadly losing faith entirely in the medium/business of the novel as an effective art form in these horrendous times) - but trying to build an audience online has just been one failure after another. I really don't know what to do. These days, I catch myself daydreaming about dropping off the grid entirely & farming or some shit but I think realistically my disability precludes me (for multiple reasons) from such foolishness. & I think I'm always going to need to create art of some description. I just wish...like...anyone would care... & this isn't a call out post or anything - like - I get it. Shit is falling apart everywhere (more rapidly than I think many abled folk may realize) so reading/listening to my creative output is nobody's top priority (nor should it be) - especially in such oversaturated markets I don't really know what I'm trying to say here. Like. I'm unemployed - I have no prospects - & even if I had any - the government would cut funding for medical necessities b/c secretly (but not so secretly) policy is set up for people like me to die quietly in the background I'm far more privileged than most in my position, due to my family. At least for now. But if I can't find a steady source of income soon, I'm going to have to move back in with my folks which I really do not want to have to do. Like - I did everything right. I went all the way through a hellish school system. I graduated (with honors) from college. I jumped through all their hoops, I played all the stupid fucking games. & because of my condition I am almost completely cut off from society - b/c no one has given me a chance at the things I actually give a shit about. (This is a rant now oh well lol) & I know I'm a damn good writer. I'm a good artist. But finding an audience is just. I don't even know. I don't even know who I am anymore half the time. I feel thoroughly rejected from society at large. Not that I'd wanna join it right now lmao but like...it'd be nice to be asked. I'm not the only one hanging on by a fuckin thimble right now. I know that. But as a disabled person, I feel the strain before many of you. I feel it when there's not enough people to help me get up in the morning so I get left lying in bed for four hours after my usual times. Sorry, I'm rambling now. I'm also kind of exhausted trying to come up with creative endeavors and putting them up with nobody giving a shit. I put my heart & soul into these things - and I have for years. 32 years of my life, where instead of going out enjoying myself or trying to form friendships (which is already really fucking difficult when I have to get back home every day at 9pm cuz my aides are working 100 hr wks & I don't want to overtax their schedules anymore than I already do) - I chose to forego all that, laying myself on the great altar of art or whatever...all for what? Nobody caring? It's. Fuckin soul crushing. I spend like 95% of my time alone. & I don't think I'm the only one. All I really do is work on creative endeavors, research, and then finally turn off my brain watching football or w/e I don't have energy for any of this anymore. This hyper capitalist mode of....I just. I'm not even making sense & I'm all over the place & I usually outline/plan this sort of shit & probably nobody will read this anyway so I don't know why I'm bothering lmao Shot in the dark, I guess? I dunno. I know I have people who love me. & for that I'm grateful. I hope you all do too. These are dark times & I don't see them brightening in our lifetimes I'm afraid. Hold on to the ones you got I suppose. We all just have to play the cards we're dealt, even if they're all jokers, right? While I do have people who love me, I'm also sick of Utah & the US as a whole tbh, but I honestly doubt anywhere would be much

better if I'm being realistic. Even Mars will be conquered by Musk... Anyway. Just trying to express how it feels to be disabled in these times of societal collapse unheard of since the end of the Bronze Age. Perhaps it's for the best. Wish I could inhabit a different body for a while. But "if wishes were horses, we'd all be eatin' steak," to quote the bard. Like. for just one day, I'd love to experience a day that didn't feel like going to war with myself. With the world. With...like, ok, this is kind of a stupid fuckin example, but on the other hand it shows you the power of art (for w/e that's worth these days) but I was watching the most recent season (series) of Sex Education on Netflix (great frikken show btw) - and for the first time EVER - a disabled character (played by a disabled actor) has an intimate scene with another character where she's not a sex worker (no shame to sex workers but the connotation is always we can only ever have sex if we pay for it) & nobody died lmao - & it was this sacred scene where consent was central & it was playful & sweet & it literally made me cry b/c like - (& I don't cry AT ALL anymore - it's just not me) but I did - I fuckin cried, because like. You can't understand. I'm sorry. But you can't. To never see yourself reflected in such a manner. & then suddenly. You see yourself being tenderly kissed on the nose - & for a touch starved cripple - to see that - like. I know in this life I'm never gonna get that. I've accepted that. I'm too old & too much of a fuckup. But for the youth to see that? For the disabled youth of the world? Fuck. I hope it fills them with the brighter future they deserve. Maybe art can move mountains after all. Just wish I could build a door to get myself out of *here.* It's so fucking hard to see the light right now for me. I hold my head up high. I smile. I'm the strongest person I know. But I just wish I could peel off my shit & be the real me & be loved & I'm terrified none of that will ever be in store for me. But I roll on, as always. Love & strength & sorry to be...this...lmao....

[mrslackles]

"TLDR: If you don’t know the emotional burden the POC behind the scenes are carrying then don’t use them as a defence just because you like the end product." holy shit. fuck yes. i apologize in advance if this gets long & rambling. it is super offensive to use the race/presumed race as a shield. i've seen stand use it with the writers' room, the actors, & themselves. so, one at a time. (1)

(2) The writers: like you said, maybe some just don’t have the emotional energy or desire to be the “race monitor” for every conversation (AND THEY SHOULDN’T HAVE TO BE!). Getting staffed in a room is hard enough and I can easily see the desire – because I’ve had it too in work & personal settings - to not get labeled as the troublemaker who is always bringing race into it. I mean, shit, we see it happening in the fandom and none of us are getting paid for this (although some seem like it).

Exactly! It’s so hard to even get in the door. Being the ‘race monitor’ is so utterly exhausting and it shouldn’t be an expected duty from POC. 

(3) I will say that I bet the Good Girls writing room is probably 85% better than most other rooms, which is faint praise if you’ve read any thing about the industry. I just can’t believe JB left Shondaland without learning anything. Quick tangent: I’m not a fan of Shonda Rhimes’ creative output. Watched a few episodes here & there; maybe even the entire first of GA. They are too DRAMATIC! for my tastes. But I’m a HUGE fan of SR and what she’s accomplished.

Same! I’ve only properly watched two of her shows: How to Get Away with Murder, when it was still good, and The Catch (which I’m still mad got cancelled!). But I’m astonished by what she’s accomplished, it’s super impressive. I’m also not sure how Jenna seemingly came away with very few lessons about intersectionality, though. (I think Laurel on HTGAWM probably got more about her culture included in the first episode than Rio has in nearly three seasons.)

(4) (although an interesting though experiment is would all that have happened if she hadn’t hooked up with Betsy Beers?) And one thing I remember reading from SR that stuck with me b/c it is a fact of life but not often articulated is that when she would read scripts the only times a character’s race was indicated was when the character wasn’t white. so, white is the default. the presumed. the normal. I love that she said that because that’s the kind of subtle racism that is so insidious.

I didn’t know about Betsy Beers! That is actually really interesting. 

And, yes. White is the default. That’s what I really loved about @septiembur‘s response as well – so little thought goes into making the Latinx characters real people, which really shows in the naming and the way they haven’t let Rio step into his identity. 

I also think she made a really good point that the friendship between the girls is something else to be investigated. I’ve always felt, but especially in 2x08 it was hard to ignore, that there isn’t much acknowledgement of how the world treats Ruby differently than her two best friends, and I can’t help wondering if that’s as a result of that default treatment – these characters get cast as POC, but not written as such. Because every POC knows that having white friends is a Whole Thing.  

(5) that’s the kind of racism that says “i can’t be racist, i have black friends.” ok. point 2 - the actors. as at @septiembur mentioned, Retta & Reno have both spoken about pushing back on things. they also mentioned that the “La Di Da Di” sequence came about because they were just doing it for fun around set and someone took a video and sent to JB and they wrote it in. Manny has been super vocal about the struggles of MOC in the industry and his own in particular.

I know. Every time people say “Manny must be fine with…” or “Manny hasn’t said anything against…” I’m so confused because he’s said so much more than I would ever expect someone in his position to say. Not directly about the show, but like you say, he’s been vocal about his struggles in the industry, and it’s very easy to see how that plays out on this show as well. Nobody can speak for him or know how he feels, but he’s been clear on certain issues and those issues crop up here too.

(6) he’s constantly saying he never knows how tough or charming to play the character and that means he’s not getting any guidance from what’s written. also in the Angie Martinez interview, he mentions director & writers telling him to play tougher (while making a growl noise), which is basically like in community when they try to tell Shirley to be sassier. it’s hella coded language and poc deal with it all the time. 

Oh, for SURE. I’m not Latinx, black or even American and I immediately knew what he meant.

(7) point 3 - the fans. woo boy, this is the stickiest one. I’ve seen stans say “I’m latinx and it didn’t bother me.” great. not all poc have the same reactions. also, we live in a white heteronormative patriarchy and that affects us all. it’s why so much of social justice is UNlearning. also, may I present stacey dash & ben carson. and the over 50% of white women who voted to uphold the grossest form of white heteronormative patriarchy in 2016, especially important as that was the catalyst for the show’s creation.  

(8) and maybe i’m being uncharitable, but some of those stans are the same ones that have zero problem calling other female fans misogynists. so, at best, they understand that having an identity of an oppressed class does not automatically make you immune to participating in that oppression. at worst, they throw that term around and then use their racial identity as armor. Damn, ok, hope some of that made sense. 

I also find certain stans to be the sticking point, tbh. It’s one thing to have a problematic show. It’s a different one altogether to have a fanbase that not only defends that show with its lives, but also attacks anyone who dares speak up against it.   

“some of those stans are the same ones that have zero problem calling other female fans misogynists. so, at best, they understand that having an identity of an oppressed class does not automatically make you immune to participating in that oppression. at worst, they throw that term around and then use their racial identity as armor.” 🔥🔥🔥

Dang, Anon, you did not come to PLAY!

[lafortis]

My dj upstairs was like "hey my sound is wack can u come check" so I did and listened to his explanation but halfway thru decided to just check the rack instead and

Someone fucking repatched EVERY amp. BACKWARDS. my dsp was getting output from amp1 ch1&2 as it's LR, and amp 1 was fed from amp 2 which was then fed from rack

I just. I don't understand. You have to know what all of those things do to achieve that, right? Like you can't just muck around and in order patch everything backwards such that every speaker in the room is still working just without processing? Like how would you even manage... I just... How?????

If it werent work I'd assume I'd just been fucking pranked tbh

[saykouyakiimo]

Adam is related to the god of darkness, as much Ruby is related to the god of light.

Or at least, I found something interesting (parallels you know)

I warn you immediatly, don’t expect anything of me. This theory is absolutely garbage... And tbh i’m scared to post it, because I’m affraid about comment people comments... Yeah RWBY’s fandom is terrifying. Please be kind I’m autistic. Before to start you have to know that english isn’t my native language... Sorry for my mistakes... Oh I wanted to thanks my best friend who translate 50% of my theory in english.

AND ALSO. Don’t tell me that wanting Adam to come back is harmful for abused survivors. I’ve been victim of child abuse, and I kept suffuring until my 20 years, due to my past abusives bests friends. So please stay cool.

Why hope his return despite confirmation?

It may be a long time that Kerry confirmed the Adam’s death, it remains a lot of points to brought up. During the interview, it’s important to know that everything is subject to interpretation, and some details didn’t escape me to make me pick over factors that go in my direction. In the first place, before say that he were really die, he answers to that question : “Was there ever doubt that Adam was an unredeemable character or was there a chance that he could have been redeemed ?” It’s pretty funny that Kerry doesn't employing the past when he answers. He doesn't said “he WASN'T irredeemable” no It’s different. He litteraly said : (paraphase for the first one) “I think he's redeemable” and “I wouldn't say he's unredeemable”. Use time present for a dead person is strange. Then he adds everybody has the right to have a second chance but that the circonstances in which he ran into with Blake didn’t help him at all. At the moment where he had to reveal his potential death, Kerry forced a smile and took a big second to say « yes ». After being interrupted, because on of the animator rejoiced of the news, he right away resumed to output on the tone of joke : “yes he's dead, unless with do a Darth Maul. (character who survived to fatal injuries) Ah. Nah he's... We. [Interrupt]. He fall in water fall, there is no body, but like. He got stabbed twice, and hit his head on the way down, like... He's dead." (Paraphrase cuz I don't fully understand why he's saying) "Now the fanbase hate me, that's fine." The fact that the creator make a reference at the character of Darth Maul, it customs clearance of a thing : he’ll not lie. If our beloved faunus comes back, Kerry will already warned us. He wasn’t obligated to say this sentence, mostly that he introduced it after beint interrupted. Furthermore, he sorely insisted on the manner he was killed, to the extent that he looked hesitant in the choice of his words. Others will interpret it like « yes but for him it was so evident to think him dead, that he feels confuse to explain why ». The words of the co-writer are absolute, he wasn’t obligated to do that. I’m not saying is lying, on the contrary. Just because Adam is dead, doesn't mean he stays dead (it sounds stupid, but you'll understand). For the case of Roman and Pyrrha, it had a sens to exclude them psysically. It had repercussions on their entourage. For the case of Adam, it’s the same with Yang and Blake… But not totally. Fans say that by taking away his life, they finally got rid of their demon and that they don’t have to feel haunted anymore. However, even the song « Nevermore » confirmed this, it’s not a victory. They maybe have the feeling of being free of this monster, but something else going continue to curse them : the fact to take a life. As inhuman a person is, we can’t not be affected by this act. However, if they aren’t affected, it’s a huge idleness and a very bad writing lmao. These two girls maybe consider themselves happy to get rid of him for the present moment, but I expect that the karma come to hit them at Atlas. I can't blame them to have kill him, he was a threat, i'm aware of that (btw I've nothing against Bumbleby dw). Which gives hope a sequel  for this character, it’s one of « Nevermore »’s passage :

“Another soul consumed by hate and spite Another destroyed life There's no pleasure, there's no joy It's just a story of a boy who lost his way Into shadows strayed He'll see the light of day”

It isn't without know that the musics of Jeff Williams & Casey Lee Williams have a canonical aspect. The best exemple before anything else, it’s Divide and Sacrifice. The « He’ll see the light of a day » can’t be overlooked. I already see some purists come back for the reinterpretation of this passage, because the refrain start with « Nevermore ». This will implies « Nevermore he’ll see the light of day ». In the literal meaning it’s true, but as it happens, we speak about the fact that he lost his way, and that in this shady way he’ll see the light of day. « Lost his way » is related to the fact that he’s consumed by the revenge and the hate, but he never came out. The last sentence refers to the fact he’s going to come out of it. Add « Nevermore » is stupid, because he always lived in this state of mind. He can't nevermore see the light again, since he has never seen it. Second reason for which this interpretation is wrong, is that it breaks the structuring of the verses. For the first choir it works because it gives « That’s in the past and I won’t be controlled ー Nervermore ». But for the second… « Not dying now, we’re protecting our own ー Nevermore ». It lost its sens, and it implies that they will never protect each other. If a schema applies for one, it should be the same for the other. Another reason to doubt of his definitive departure of the series : the lack communication around the character and of the « final » episode which concerned him. I’m not saying that like « they don’t give enough attention to the character », no it’s really something. Why Adam doesn't appear on the promotional poster, when everyone knew he was coming back? Each episodes are review by guests like comedians, at the exception of one : the 12 one, where Adam die. Even for the season 4 they hadn’t done something like that. Strangely, for the occasion they could have invited the one who’s playing Adam, Garrett Hunter, considering that it will be the last episode where he’ll act. It’s the end of the character that he incarnates. Fans could learn more on the dubbing actor, or the antagonist himself, but there was nothing of that. Cause yes, it stays questions withouts answers. Why Adam can’t use his semblance without his weapon ? How his semblance can project such complex shapes ? Why showed the mark SDC to already expel it ? And as we know, CRWBY never confirmed the type of faunus he was… I’ll come back on this subject. In addition of that, Garrett Hunter didn’t address any thank you messages for those who followed him in the whole series, I want to say that it’s truly strange.

Udapte about Garrett Hunter (Adam’s VA)

Garrett Hunter doesn't confirm Adam's death, people think he probably doesn't know anything about it, but I doubt it. During a live of Mega64, somoene talk about performing as Voice Acting. And then, Garrett talks about his “death”. He uses words like “I was killed, I think”, “No body, no deads”, “I keep my fingers crossed”, but at no time does he says “Adam is dead, he will not come back”. On the contrary, he adds “never say never” and he pretends to pray for his return. VAs know things about their characters. Pyrrah's VA knew that her character was going to die from the beginning of the story, and Yang's VA knew she would lose her arm, and that as soon as she was used to her voice. And what's very encouraging is that the VA Pyrrha had confirmed in an interview and Twitter, the death of his character. And there, Garrett mentions word for word that Kerry released during the RWBY Rewind: Darth Maul (twice) But if there was no hopes, he would say he is dead. In this case, we have not learned more. And if he knows of his return, why tell us? And Kerry either did not confirm 100% his death, basically he declares “He died, unless maybe we decide to bring him back”. Another contradiction with the voice actor of Adam. The guy had the balls to says clearly, that the antagonist he embodied, was killed without them using his potential. But , when his buddy reply “everyone is it saying that your death was bullshit”, Garrett says he loved the scene about his confrontation between Yang and Blake, because it was a retaliation of the two characters on him. It's just a big mind fuck at this point. My guess is that he likes this scene because karmas are finally shared between Adam and Bumbleby, and he knows what will happen to his character. Why would he says that Adam's potential was not used, while he loves his death scene? Because he will be able to make a fresh start. That's my thoughts. I know that he must have trouble with his character, because this one receives ALL the salt of the fandom on the face, and there, they will offer him a way to make his character appreciable. And pretending not to know what will happen to the former White Fang leader is completely stupid. The VA know the fate of their character. Kerry and Miles must have planned his come back in advance, they can't hesitate when they’ll write it in the script, because the situation requires it. Why ? Because his branding S.D.C. directly link to the volume that is focused on Atlas, in the one that will arrive in a few months.

Confirmation of VA about Pyrrah's Fate Confirmation of the VA in about her death

and she declares this just after the first view of the last episode of volume 3.

Mega64 podcast with time code (17:52) : https://youtu.be/YKQ242Pd6Fg?list=WL&t=1072

Seriously, if it had been his final scene, they would have shown us one last time moonslice...

Update 05 july : Does Garrett confirmed something ?

No.

Why bring him back to life ?

Adam is THE faunus who stands out the most than the others, there isn’t two like him. In terms of discrimination, it’s the one who suffer the most. His hatred pushed him to ignore that humans had the same rights of him. He’s blind to the extent that he wants to submit them at his own race, the reverse the role of the one who is tyrannized. He has all the reasons of the world to hate this species, nobody could blame him (even if it doesn’t justify his actions of course). He maybe served his purpose with Blake and Yang, he can always serve others. I mean... He just serves to a plot device and that's it... and that's why I feel so frustrated, cuz there so many things to do with him...… First he could go to Mantle and settle squares up with his old executioners, facing directly the Schnee Dust Company (AND WEISS CAN SEE HIS MOTHER FUCKING BRAND). Secondly, we could send another message : « people can change ». The conclusion of Adam was sad because, finally, nobody really deter him to continue in his way, not directly at least. And when they tried to do it it was too late. Never they're told him « what you’re doing is bad, you should live for another thing than revenge ». Blake implied that she was against the murder, but it didn’t go further that. When he was scolded by Ghira, Sienna rather encouraged him after. As soon as we acclaim him, Adam had a click. Him who was treated like a property, an animal, a sub-category being, finally discovers the feeling to be « lionized ». For him, it was the climax of his existence. Also Goldi reminds me that “Adam hated huntsmen and was so set upon destroying their academies bc they're supposed to protect people but they didn't protect him from the scd and in the end he is killed by two (one human) huntresses”. And this end is so bad for his character... Logic would have wanted Blake and Yang to stop this cycle of violence. And there, the writers decided to repeat it by killing him. Bumbleby didn’t deserve to do that, as much as Adam didn’t deserve to die from their hands. This « death » can make him take a new start… Maybe that Blake and Yang didn’t kill him physically but they’ll kill him psychologically. At the moment when he was stabbed, we can see his face slowly decay. He realizes the fact that he just be stabbed and it hurts. He isn’t the one that he believed, this final point shows that he has nothing, and that the one who’s alone it’s him. And in my opinion, it's a trait that presents him as someone who can have a redemption, because he realizes how wrong he was. Yes he is redeemable and >THIS< show why, and why Adam wasn’t able to get one before. Returning after that, he’ll loose what made him a redoutable antagonist : his confidence. His power, he extracted it of control, but to have control being confident is necessary. Now that the one who he manipulated turned against him, and furthermore it’s one of his kind, he’ll gonna doubt of everything. Adam is weak, with this break, he risks to become a completely different character. The most important point is his similarities with Raven. Seriously I need to detail ? Imageries, fighting style and ideology, they share far too much in common. To the extent that it’s frustrating to see that Yang didn’t make a connection. If you want to spend time, I refer you to a thread which makes you a summary of all the parallels. With so much in common, it’s legitimate to ask if they’re not related. Not by blood because they don’t share any physical similarity, but to be honest, I can see Raven as a teacher.

> Parallels of Adam & Raven < + this one

Grimms masks, Asian style, chokuto x nodachi, same color scheme. It's a bit big anyway lol. AND THEIR FUCKING DARWINIAN SYSTEM

And your theory you piece of shit ?

I’M SO SORRY. I needed to expose thoses points before to can begging it. First, I would like to recall why people thought that Adam Tarus had Silver Eyes. (For this part, I’ll take what said >here< because it’s really borring). This faunus isn’t only assimilate to Raven but with Ruby too, and it’s perfectly justify. The similarity of their symbols, imagery of the rose and the moon. It seems weird says like that but there is another person with Silver Eyes who’s assimilated to the same scheme : Summer Rose. It’s the principal element which supports this theory, since she’s directly inspired of a fairy tale « The Dead Moon ». If you want more informations on this subject, consult this post. Basically, it demonstrates the fact that the personified moon’s light repulses the monsters, like the Silver Eyes, and she was « killed », like the moon in RWBY. This ability is destined to protect the life, cherish people we love. But in the case of Adam, it’s all the opposite. He’s only destruction, hate and rancor ; it’s the opposite reflection of Ruby. But with what we saw in the series, the faunus doesn’t have Silver Eyes but blue eyes. With this, all of this wonderful theory falls in the water.

in the opening 2 of RWBY, Ruby fall since the moon lol

However, with all that I resumed and what we learnt in the volume 6, I asked : is there something else ? We learnt that the eyes light came for the God of Light (GoL/Creation Dragon/…). In my opinion, Silver Eyes are a present of the God to defeat Salem, cause they affect the magic. A considerable help given to Ozma. But could it be possible that the younger siblings, the God of Darkness (GoD/Destruction Dragon/…), offered another thing to our professor, to help him in his quest ? It’s not impossible, since there must be a complementarity. If it’s the case, in what form doest it manifest and how ? I have my idea. First, you should know that RWBY never let something randomly, its foreshadowing is clearly what’s make the charm of the saga. The moon has been destroyed by GoD to restart a new era. Silver Eyes and faunus appeared after this period (HOW STRANGE), it’s a thing to know. Without transition, I’ll go to the point where I would like to reach. Actually i sought differents types of horns, just to try to identify those of Adam. Every faunus has animals characteristics. But in the heap, I didn’t see only one faunus have attribute which couldn’t be identify. Adam has the imagerie of a taurus, but at no fucking time his horns correspond to those of a taurus, not even to goat (even if I found this joke funny). And my issue, is that RWBY already shown a bull faunus.

I mean. No. This isn’t a bull. And there’s no point for him to be a goat (besides jokes)

His horns start in forehead, point back to go inside. And I have only seen one person share those similarities for this characteritic, it’s the God of Darkness/Destruction.

What I insinuate here ? That Adam has dragon’s horns. The theory is completely shitty lmao, I told you. 

:thonk:

But It would explain this. Oppositions between Adam and Ruby.

If we assume that Adam is the nemesis of Yang Xiao Long, which means Little Dragon Sunshine, Adam will be related to the one of darkness. And I tell myself that AS BY CHANCE, the dragon of light is Chinese style, like the name of Yang. And seriously, I’ll give you pictures together, and keep in mind what was said on the faunus and Raven.

Just find this here

The dragons are reflected in the world map of Remnant, as it happens at the top we have the God of Darkness and the one of Light on the right.

And looking at the episode 7 of volume 3, I realized that Adam had the map of Remnant behind him. And strangely, the firts plan we have of him, is this one :

Nothing is left to chance in RWBY. It surprises me that there is EXACTLY this continent behind him. The dragon is at the middle of the plan with Adam in font of it. The head and the wings are claerly apparent, the others pieces of lands don’t appear whole, I seriously doubt that this angle haven’t been chosen involuntary… Because when they had to built the scenery, decisions have been done, I tell myself that it’s not innocent. The guys could restricted to this, but no. They continue all along the scene, knowing that Adam walks when he listens the deal of Cinder…

He could stop everywhere, but they chose to structure the scene like this.

Adam only aspires to destroy, like the God of Darkness, counter to his brother, who him search to preserve the life. Amond their powers which have been exposed, we could see that silver light, and specific forms of thaumaturgy. But what will the power of Adam be, if he has dragon’s horns ? I think it will be a form of incomplete immortality, or which needs some conditions to be activate. It’s not impossible, like I said, the concept of life and death can be reverse with magic. Furthermore, if we associate Raven and Adam, it’s not improbable. You know why ? I tell you. In the episode 6 of Volume 5, something caught my attention. Amount of screenshots in coming :

Raven doesn’t believe in what is said to her, there is no reason for her to take literally what Oz told her. She needs to see to believe it. So she saw someone come back alive in front of her eyes, to come and declare the fact that she knows people who can come back from the dead. She can’t have seen Ozpin being killed, since he has not reincarnated in the meantime. Salem, I doubt that she could see her being hurt to return to life, because you have to beat her already. It’s very possible that it is Adam, since this whole scene, is to build in the same way as when the faunus was in full deal with Cinder. The guy stands right behind the fucking dragon of destruction. And what do you think Raven does? 

She looks at the dragon of destruction on the fucking map. It’s more complicated to discern because she doesn't face to the protagonists because we do not see what she looks, but her eyes are focused on the continent. In addition, we have a sequence where the camera slides gently on the map, to finish on the continent in question, implying that we are through the eyes of Raven. And some plans show that it pays particular attention to the parcel of land. 

Beside, in the Black Trailer of RWBY, we see a crow... Someone told me it was Qrow who was looking for Amber, but I made some searchs on internet, I didn't find any confirmation of CRWBY. For me, the fact that it's could be Raven would make so much more sense. After all, she seems almost omniscient and she can be here, from the beginning. And that reminds me of what Barbara says about “some things could be planned from the beginning”. And I remembered something in Volume 3 DvD commentary : “The idea for the Maidens was thought up by Monty Oum in between Volume 2 and Volume 3 and worked into the story.” So... This isn't suppose to be Qrow looking for the Fall Maiden, right ? Cuz Monty hadn't this idea yet. When he puts this crow, he was thinking to something else, right ? The last option is Raven...

Otherwise, remember well that the God of Darkness destroyed the moon. And what is the name of Adam’s semblance ? Moonslice.

Observation

Apart from these facts, there is something that who intrigued me. All the characters with a red aura, are more or less related to thaumaturgy... (As a reminder name ≠ aura color) Qrow : Crow transformation with magic Raven : Crow Transformation with Magic + Spring maiden Pyrrha : Was in contact with the aura of the Fall Maiden + was killed by the Fall Maiden Ruby : Silver eyes, which are connected to the God of light Adam : Could potentially have dragon horns (why would he escape the rule?)

For those who will tell me that the color of Raven's aura is orange, it's wrong. Originally she is red. It is clear when flames glow from her eyes and she uses her semblance. It's because she received the power of the Spring Maiden that she is orange. When Pyrrha agreed to assimilate the power of the former host, the aura of the Fall Maiden that enveloped it and it was indeed orange, instead of turning red. If Pyrrha had become a maiden, his aura would have undergone the same transformations. The fact that Raven's aura is orange would be incoherent. Because in no case we see this amber in her design, or even in her name ... We would see this pre-configuration somewhere.

Or it’s due to the dust after the fall... Cuz we can clearly that the power absorbed is red, and it belongs to Raven

Some shitty arguments (don’t take it serioulsy lmao) : - Adam’s name means humanity. And that made me think about the new erea, and all this things about gods... - The precious stone associated with the name of Adam, is the ruby. It’s kinda funny when you know that the show is called RWBY, and the main character wears the name “Ruby”. I think it’s more a coincidence, but I have to put this somewere.

This was my shitty observation, bye.

[amodernpieceofglasswork]

let's put things off

So I decided to let things sit and sit for a while.

The day before I was up before 7am, and I spend a couple of hours working on my sewn book. I managed to clean up a lot of the fabric that was lying around in the box. I think it is important to just do a bit each day.

Lately I find there is a pattern to my moods. To be honest, I think the past two days was pretty good and I felt a bit like my 'old self', whatever that meant. I was up very early, I had productive discussions with people, I cooked some lunch and dinner, and also got a little bit of my personal work done. And I also took a walk/run.

Yesterday was a very hot day, and the nights are not very good either. At one point I was sitting in my sweat. Usually in the late afternoons, I begin to feel bad about myself. Sometimes I hate how little I have done in the day, and I muck around a lot. I feel useless. I also feel bad about the way I look. I feel like overall, I can do better. I know that feelings are not facts, but those feelings are terrible to feel, as a sensation, anyway.

One of my favourite things about the past two days was sitting at the desk around 7am. It reminds me of a period earlier in the year where I got up really early just to complete some work. There was a moment of peace and quietness that I like about mornings and watching sunlight. I love mornings, and in contrast, evenings and nights have a tendency to bring out more awful feelings in me.

Yesterday I did a draft of how I would update my website. How to organise all the information and work. I really couldn't remember much that I did in the last couple months, which was so strange. I remember now why I update my site only once a year now. The distance helps a lot. And at the end of the year when the inevitable question comes up 'what have I got to show for the year', then doing up that list would make me feel better. I want to be able to show myself that I am Fine. I think at this age I want to be gravitate towards being less concerned about things and shit, and just cultivating a general sense of I Don't Really Care and I CAN Accept This. It's this constant need of caring more, and not settling for anything less, that makes me so fucking miserable with myself and I ask myself, why. Ok, maybe not so much of I don't really care, but pick lesser things to care about, or just learning to care and accept. Ok, maybe not so much of caring, but accepting. Accepting is the problem perhaps, I could care forever and not ever find a point to end - that ending is acceptance, and I Don't know if I will get there.

"happiness is synthetic" a forbes article. I fucking love that headline, of course FORBES would say that happiness is synthetic. I don't know. I am feeling like this is very true. I cackle cynically at that headline because I KNOW It is true but i also KNOW I can change this if I wanted to.

So I sometimes think back to that paul yore interview I posted a while ago. Something he said about how he had a lot of creative energy and that he has exhausted a medium, and how he has to look for another medium for the output of that energy. I Felt that. Mostly with regard to the way I cope with things, and when things are good, it is because my coping mechanisms are well oiled and functioning. I feel like this sounds very unhealthy and I wonder if life is just about phases of devising coping mechanisms and living through them. I think there is a much more eloquent way of saying that and I can't find a better way to say it. But the long and short of it is that. I think that things only work for as long as they needed to before they spoil or stop working. And then you have to look for a new way of doing things. You can look at it two ways I guess. That you start to fall in a pit because you ask yourself WHY Is it not working anymore (which is me, some phases, some moments at present), or you try to find something new (which is also me).

One thing that I did not expect to find myself enjoying was actually cutting up those drawn muslins. I feel like I cut myself loose of a certain stuck feeling, you know. and I feel like I keep showing that on instagram because it really makes me happy and fulfilled, which are emotions that I am struggling to feel about my own work.

I think that art-making is personal, and for my whole life, is my source of consistent coping mechanism, and like paul yore, I have exhausted a medium to a point and I start to look for something new. I wish that I had more eloquence to express this thought to other people when I was younger. But I also feel this is the type of shit that really hits you better when you get older. When I was a student/younger, I was insecure that I had no One thing to show and I had many varied interests. It is bad enough to the world that you were doing creative work and now you get slapped with an accusation that you have no concrete identity. What an insult lol.

I feel like this is something a lot of artists come to understand better (this idea of doing many things, doing 'crazier' work) if they had a chance to go abroad and study. i emphasise the term study because it means you have to live for a period in another country and not just being a tourist and soaking up things in a quickie. I didn't have that experience, but I lived vicariously through music and online spaces where I got to meet friends from other countries. I think if you can't afford (in time and/or money) you have to find a way to look things up. and even though it is easier now than ever, to look for such communities, the landscape is extremely dense and full of shit sometimes. for me this is a driving force to how i put up content online and why i choose to design my website as such. one of the things that really made me happy in recent months was the projects i did for FB. when the person I was working with reached out to me, she mentioned how much she enjoyed my website and I was so happy to hear it. I want to clarify that I have been making websites for years and years and I think to be acknowledged by a (more forward thinking company) in an era where people are like... who still goes to a website? it is really very flattering for me. i mean, yea in a way it is FB themselves that really propelled the change of this digital landscape. (i would argue that the platform is as good as the user tbh) when people complain about big companies, sometimes they have to look at its users first.

i just started to watch the kominsky method. alan arkin's character is a real mood. i like the humor of the show a lot. the trailer came up when I opened the app, and tbh i fucking hate a lot of shows on netflix. but in that few seconds of the trailer something about the dialogue just made me want to watch it immediately.

[chaseprice]

Shouldn't you change you ne ?chasepr*ice is an abusive ship or do you get off on a 16 year old girl drugging a 14 year ild girl?

OH     . MY GODhfksdfhfksahfsdkjfhsdfkjhdfskjfhsadfsfgkjsghkjfdhgkjsfdjkfdhgfkjhfskjfhsdkjfhsdafkjfshfdskhjfs i’m actually cryin w laughter rn oh my god fd. okay. okay im calm now jjes su,,  alright. ok. god. i’m gonna try answer this seriously for you but lord let me tell you i was so god damn tempted to Not do that 

i’ve had this url since way before deck nine decided to release their damn high budget fangame. i’ve been into chaseprice based on headcanons and personal subjective interpretations since back in 2015 when lis eps were coming out. ppl drew fanart and liked the idea of them as a crack ship from what we were shown about the two seperate characters in the canon. their potential weird, tense dynamic esp in pre-game vortex club setting was a good creative output for some people. whether as a jokey thing or a coping thing. they had NO CANON HISTORY WHATSOEVER apart from chloe referring to her as a bitch once, so it was an enjoyable thing to explore as a ship n test out their chemistry. it’s fucking... old news, man. deck nine’s interpretation... oh jeez. right. let me just spell this out for you. i don’t care for deck nine’s wack portrayals of teen girls drugging each other for fun. i just don’t care. that’s on them. i have NO idea why they’d make such a poor creative choice wrt that, but they fucking did, and it’s on them sadly. 

and you know, if it was just victoria doing the drugging i’d take it as just them exaggerating the horrible parts of vic’s character due to lack of understanding/care/attention 2 detail bc vic is irrelevant to the themes of bts (which is.. valid, tbh), with a sidenote of Funny Girl Vs Girl Rivalry -- but like. rachel can do the drugging too. so its like..... those previous things as WELL as them thinking girls drugging each other is a joke and good plot device. it’s treating it with ... triviality. treating this theme which was so significant in lis1, a horrific, nasty theme, as if it’s... nothing. just a joke. which, considering their ‘rach will die here in this junkyard ha!’ foreshadowing references, doesn’t bother them too bad. they obviously don’t consider the implications of stuff like that too deeply. so, whatever. i wouldn’t expect them to. it was mostly the wlw players of lis who were harmed by it in the first place and are aware of the power these devs can have over some of us.you coming into my inbox and being like ‘um.. deck nine wrote this.. so... you’re a problematic fucking bitch? gotcha?’ is so... sad. i can’t believe you thought you were... actually going somewhere with that argument. or maybe i’m being too harsh -- maybe you’re a newbie here who didnt play lis back when it was out and only recently followed me and think i’m glorifying deck nine’s weird version of things! in that case: truly sorry bro, i’m not. don’t worry about it. this is..... largely a ship that me n my friends are steering. and i’m being harsh in this whole response here bc i’m at the end of my rope w certain dumbasses in this fandom. to me, this whole ask is essentially like some rando coming up to me and being like “yoooo why the fuck do you ship pricefield? somebody once wrote a fic where max HIT chloe on the FACE. it’s so problematic. fucking scum”, you know, that’s the relevancy of this argument. deck nine are irrelevant when the chaseprice that i talked about in the past was always about their blank history in dontnod’s life is strange. you have NO business making those assumptions about me and policing me over that. (god damn deck nine gotta b honored if i ever cared that much about their interpretation of chaseprice lmao)

anyway sorry but yeah. this kind of unimportant tumblry call out is so transparent and such a waste of your time. you obviously don’t know me if you think i’d associate w/ such a bad creative choice which completely contradicts the effort i’ve gone to just to condemn and denounce dontnod for the same damn shit. hours of my fucking life, man. just shouting into this kinda space about how shit was fucked. that idea you have in your head is fucking antithetical to everything i stood for in the lis fandom. fuck off 

[void-official]

“Real artists don’t use reference” OK No. Fuck. i fucking hate this. Rant ahead

 Real Artists (and by that i mean professional artists or artists who are currently Studying and learning how to properly produce art) don’t reference the pose/composition/style of Other Artists only to reproduce it with a few alterations and call it art. (What we all call Tracing/recoloring/ripping off basically, although a lot of artists Do get started this way and as long as this is not their entire career like its mostly shrugged off as amateur techniques and not worth bullying ppl who are just getting started over unless they are literally profiting off of it and you know it) But artists absolutely do/professionally ENCOURAGE -setting up a scene as a photograph and tracing over parts of it as a shortcut, including the figure, to cut back on time/have a clear image of the composition ahead of time to go back to if you mess up. -using animation programs or things like sketchup to build an environment, and trace over the perspective accurate backgrounds those programs build, instead of spending ten times as long on a painstaking ass background nobody’s going to notice anyway or scribbling a halfassed background everyone’s going to point at and mock you for. Art is a battle against time essentially and anything that helps you cut back on it?? take what you can -taking the colors from pictures they already admire (especially photographs) and trying to reproduce the effect that makes them enjoy that color (i’ve never done this personally but ive heard other ppl swear by it? like hell if someone wants to steal one of my color schemes go ahead, im flattered) -taking photos and tracing over them period until you’re comfortable enough with figures to draw them from memory -trying to duplicate other people’s art/art style as an exercise (NEVER for commercial use)

not to mention artists like. subconsciously rip each other off/heavily reference the media they’re interested in whether they’re aware of it or not, esp the ones who are collaborating with each other. Its just. impossible to be 100% original the way people expect Art to be

there’s no clean cut “REAL ARTISTS never reference and draw everything out their ass/never trace” bc thats a downright Lie and any professional will tell u thats a downright lie. Even the best animators are out there rotoscoping to get the movement of their animation fluid. Watch how many anime fight scenes rip off Jackie Chan directly. But we all understand that its not Jackie Chan if its Sasuke or Sailor Jupiter; the animators took those movements and turned them into something else bc they needed a Reality to ground the movements of their fight scenes in. Things don’t just. come out of nowhere like that. Theres just. A difference. Between Ripping off another artist. And just, the natural and interactive way Media works and the Necessity of having something to Ground your work in, no matter how fantastical its supposed to be

if you still dont get that you probably haven’t spent long enough drawing to understand how work intensive it actually is, especially illustration and animation where the output is ridiculous and the pay is Shit comparatively for most of us

(this is all coming from someone who is at a stage with my art where i barely look at reference for figures anymore, I used to have to trace photos. Tracing photos literally gave me the motor skills to draw figures without reference. Art teachers will literally Encourage you to do this until you have a firm grasp of anatomy without reference. God. I.)

sgjfgiojgaeshut up ppl who dont know abt art and want to say how “real art” is made tbh. Do what you have to to learn.

[silentmight]

BTS LIVE Trilogy Episode III the WINGS TOUR in Bangkok 2017

Sometimes, all it takes is a little faith and the wings you never knew you had will fly.

About a week and a half ago I YOLO’ed to Bangkok for BTS’ Wings Tour, and it’s a decision I absolutely have no regrets on. Just gonna keep this here as a diary post and concert impression of sorts!

The BTS Wings Tour in Bangkok holds special meaning for me in many ways, but I'll get to that later.

I haven't been to a concert this massive, no not even the local rock bands and gigs I attended while in Singapore can rival this full house of screaming fangirls. Queuing was intense and really stuffy, as Bangkok's weather can really fry you but thankfully I met up with Fonnoi (the girl I bought my ticket from; I randomly saw her post on FB) and then joined her for the concert!

I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO REGRETS PAYING FOR THE STANDING TICKET. We positioned ourselves to the back and could learn against the guard rails, which makes for good viewing cause everyone crammed to the front and I'm glad my height's at an advantage here lol :3 Also I guess I must be old because I was on energy saving mode until the lights went off; the younger fans were all screaming when their bias appeared on screen when they played the MVs to pass time.

As an introduction, they played Spring Day’s MV and when the first verse kicked in I started tearing… IN FACT I WAS SILENTLY CRYING THROUGHOUT MANY SONGS, PLEASE DON'T JUDGE ME idk man this is the first time I've cried multiple times during a concert because you can feel the atmosphere and I just have too many FEELINGS.

The boys came on stage and kicked off with Not Today- great way to get the crowd pumping and it's also my fav (hell all of it is). The playlist is pretty much faithful to the one listed on the wiki, you can go check it out there… Hearing Bapsae and DOPE live is such a treat. Anyway I'm, so very glad to be able to watch the BTS boys perform their solo songs from the Wings album, coupled with visuals and stage props that are reflective of their personality and song.

Jungkook’s ‘Begin’ displayed his smooth dancing, which felt like a silent sort of strength. Right after was Jimin's ‘Lie’, which holy shit I've been waiting to watch in person ever since this kid became my no.2… I cannot explain in words how 色っぽい sexy it is, goddamnit! Stop attacking my heart! I cannot fathom how Jimin can look like a marshmallow one minute and then like a wolf!! *tears hair out* My favourite part of the dance was when he was blindfolded onwards /COUGH and when he was lifted into the air by the backup dancers too.

And then… my angel Min Yoongi, aka SUGA’s solo. I usually am unable to listen to 'First Love’ because he outputs a ton of intense emotions when he raps, so when I'm stressed I skip it. Hearing it live is no shortage of his raw feelings, and just listening to him rap it live is truly amazing.

The singer line then performed Lost and Save Me, in which during Lost they started to walk all over stage and I'm glad I… am just less than 10 feet away from them… just seeing Jimin sing live, I can die happy. OH and after this was 'I NEED U', aka the one song that I love to butcher with @hweiro and @wataksampingan in the car. Their pronunciation of “I need you gurrrr” hasn't changed IRL either lol.

Rapmon’s solo really did it for me. The introduction was of him looking at a whale, and this is just my assumption: Was he looking at the loneliest whale in the world? Which he wrote Whalien 52 in the previous album? Is it an allusion to himself, because we all know his song 'Reflection’ is melancholic by nature? As the song progressed, it felt like some deep acid trip going through the ocean and the universe and finally Rapmon ends it by walking into an elevated phone booth… however hearing him repeat, “I wish I could love myself” with the concert visuals truly struck a deep chord within. I don't have a deep soul like him but I can resonate with the feeling of looking at life pass you by, you want to love yourself but it's hard as fuck.

V's “Stigma” was next, sorry my attention here died a bit so I don't remember much lol. The last two solos had me in a silent tearing mess though- J-Hope and Jin. J-Hope is SUCH a good performer, his stage charisma is great and we're treated to his childhood photos as he sang ’MAMA’. He had a long pause before finishing off the song, but in that last verse, he sang it with the intensity of his gratitude and love for his mother I just.. my eyelids were like a leaky tap okay. You can totally see the look of admiration and adoration when he looked up after the song ended. J-HOPE!!! ;____;

Jin… oh Jin. It took me so long to appreciate 'Awake’, but after watching him perform live, I see this song in a new light. He and the violinists/cellists were on individual raised platforms, while the backdrop is pretty simple. It felt like a dreamy sky, and on the front of the platforms were projected feathers. Tbh, from what I know of Jin is that he was mainly the visual, who can't really sing or dance so people were like, why is he even there? And perhaps Jin himself feels it too, being the oldest in the group. The line “Maybe I can, can never fly… I Can't fly like the flower petals over there” just struck me of that train of thought.

But to me, Jin, at that very moment you're flying- flying so high and you could touch the sky.

Feelings of inadequacy and yet wanting to keep on keeping on resonates too much within. This song really punched me in the gut and I was trying to not sniffle (and guess what my eyeliner didn't run lmao)

'Cypher 4’ was the rapper line just doing their thing and going wild, then next was FIRE. OMG I've waited so long to also see this dance in person and also sing along T_Tbbb The next couple of songs had them singing yet running all over stage and I took the opportunity to sneak some photos lol but I'm sad that Suga didn't really come to our side of the stage 🙁 Speaking of Suga, this fella is really funny... as for most of his rap lines he just held his mic up and let the audience fill it in woi wwwwww

I managed to sneak some photos of Jimin as he came over to our side of the pen during ‘LOST’- when the singer line started walking around.

Anyway, I have also been looking forward to the main dances of the night: J-Hope’s insane solo for ‘Boy Meets Evil’ and finally, ‘Blood Sweat and Tears’ in the FLESH. I love BST a lot so getting to see it live is just too much for my heart to take.. even with Wings Outro right after. Tbh I wanted to jump up and down like at a rave party with this song (and Dope/Fire) but.. no one else was doing so.. guess no one jumps at a kpop concert lmfao

I got to see everyone up close though, in particular Jimin, J-Hope, V, Jungkook and Rapmon. Damn, Rapmon gave a flying kiss to the small area of 4-5 i was squashed in and the girl in the front went BERSERK. lol Jimin also high 5’ed a very lucky person!

After a short intermission, they returned with ”There Will Be Better Days” and I was already expecting to bawl at this song because of how easy you can sing along to the lyrics (and their meaning), and fucking bawl I did! Before performing this song Rapmon was like, don't be sad, we'll walk together always in our hearts and towards better days always and damn, I'm moved. I could mainly understand whatever RM was saying cause he's the only one speaking in English haha…

Last song of the night was 'Spring Day,’ which was a fitting end to the entire concert. And with that, the Wings Tour has come to an end.

If I didn't take leap of faith in messaging a total random stranger, who is now a concert goer and new found friend, I would never experience this. People precaution one against randomly asking and buying something from online strangers but if I never spotted Fonnoi’s post on the IME thread, I would never have this experience. I've been shown so much hospitality and warmth throughout, and I'm glad we could establish that trust. I'm really thankful to her for selling the ticket at an ok price!

I guess this concert and trip alone fulfills one of my small dreams; to YOLO to another country solely for a concert and to also solo travel before I'm 30. Honestly I thought I'd never be able to do it but just slog away and slave at work- growing old and letting all my youthful dreams die as I leave behind the vestiges of youth. It might have not been to Japan for sakanaction (still a dream), but I'm infinitely grateful that I was able to watch another one of my favourite groups perform live… not to mention seeing Suga, my ultimate BTS crush and also Jimin in person.

Here’s some sneak shots I took:

Rapmon!!! He’s so charismatic.

[genuinestudies-blog]

May Study Challenge by nkbstudies

How do you keep yourself motivated to study for a class when the teacher or professor is bad (i.e mean or doesn’t teach effectively)? 

OH BOY DO I RELATE TO THIS

So background info, I have this Filipino class that I took last term, and istg, I absolutely hated this class. The teacher doesn’t teach effectively, I am learning absolutely nothing, I don’t understand her grading, etc. +++ I sucked at this subject ever since elementary, so having it in college with an ineffective teacher just made my life miserable for 4ish months. Thankfully, by some unknown miracle, I got a 3.0 in this class, with 4.0 being the highest possible grade to get. It was not bad, because my grades in this class were from 2.0-2.5 but got that 3.0 in the end (added info: she rounded up everyone’s grade to +0.5 if you went to her consultation which my ass didn’t go to yay me)

I honestly had to reflect a little bit on how I stayed motivated in this class, and tbh, I was late to this class when I had a presentation, I slept, I did my phone, I took minimal notes (took pics of slides) and I talked to my friend the whole time. 

Here are tips on how I stayed motivated! 

1. It was the last class of the day

Honestly, this motivated me so fucking much because it was the last class, so I can eat right after/study/meet friends/spend time with S/O and just forget this class ever happened

2. Self study

I stayed motivated coming to class because then I would have a review on what topics they liked talking about, then go home and self study those topics myself. Tedious and time-consuming, but hey you gotta do what you gotta do. 

3. Focused on the positive side

Which was that they gave a lot of paperwork. So I did paper works, got a semi-good grade and called it a day. I focused on getting better on every paperwork instead of whining how I can’t write in Tagalog. 

4. Relax

Because I know this class stresses me out BIG TIME, I would do a relaxing activity right after. It would either be spending time with loved ones, eating my fave food, exercising, writing, reading, watching a series, whatever, as long as I get to a calm and collected state. I have anxiety, and it’s pretty hard to not worry about my standing in class and stress about how I’m not learning shit, but I find that doing activities that you love really helps.

5. Accept 

Listen. Be real with yourself. If this class is not your strength, just do your best in everything and let it go. You won’t be stellar good at it, heck you won’t be stellar good at everything. The important thing is, you tried your best at a class you hated so no one could say you didn’t try. Just accept that it’s your weakness, and it’ll make your class less stressful and keep you motivated.Why? Because you know now that every output you would do would be your best, and you’ll be proud of yourself. 

That’s it! Listen, I cut this class only once, so I think that’s why I got a good grade. + I was a nice to the teacher. Don’t get me wrong, they’re a genius at their field. But for me, not a good teacher. 

[darthvaporwave]

cw: depression

this is mostly venting, but in case people don’t wanna read about depressive thoughts (which i more than understand, and i go pretty deep into them, which could be upsetting), here’s a readmore. 

please do not feel obligated to read <3 (and please don’t rebagel; replies are cool but also not if you don’t want to) <3 <3 

depression! is so aggravating!!!! 

like if you’ve got it or if you’ve had it, you know, even if it hits us all a little differently. mine got worse over the course of the past few months, until my meds basically weren’t working anymore; i was having mega breakthrough symptoms of just thinking all the time how nice it would be to cease existing (not suicide, but when you feel like, ah yes, the void, oblivion, no more worries about the impending destruction of the human race or ceaseless preoccupation with every negative thought that dogs you through every moment of the day and keeps you up at night and convinces you that you’re worthless trash and this is why no one (rightfully) loves you

i went to my new doctor, took a depression quiz, freaked them out by inadvertently making them think i was dangerously suicidal (non-depressed people don’t realize that when you say “it’d be nice to die” you might actually not be thinking about killing yourself --i completely understand why they freaked, but it was an accident because i just wasn’t thinking -- and tbh i’m used to people thinking i’m faking my depression, because i am so high-functioning), and was given an rx for 20mg of my medication, which was double the previous amount. and it’s largely fixed my depressive symptoms.

but. it’s also increased the side-effects, which basically render writing really fucking difficult.

there are a couple of reasons for this. one is that when i’m majorly depressed, i write to outrun that self-loathing determination that the only thing i’m good for is writing, and if i’m not writing, i’m wasting the sum total of my existence; what a useless being. the other is that when i’m majorly depressed, escaping into my daydream world is the only thing that gives me relief. so i write a lot. the only time my shitty depression is quiet is when i’m writing.

when i’m on the meds, this drive to produce goes down. the daydreaming doesn’t, it just happens all in my head and very little manages any kind of permanence. it’s just so difficult to focus. every bit feels like it’s being dragged out of me; my facility with language and my ability to render a scene seem to stagger and curdle. i actually become more critical of my writing ability when i’m on the meds and usually find myself wanting. it’s like instead of telling myself “writing is all i’m good for” and as long as i’m producing content, i’m good, i tell myself “why is your writing such crap, why aren’t you better at this” every step of the way. 

my output through the whole of march, since i started taking the heavier meds, has majorly decreased. i was writing daily, but i’ve been skipping more days. and when i do manage to write, it reaches far lower word counts. 

it’s just aggravating to lose my productivity and creative drive when i get to lose those misery-inducing thoughts and self-loathing. i’d noticed this before, but since i’ve been keeping a spreadsheet of my writing output this year and noticed how much it’s decreased since the meds kicked in, it’s just been... more confirmation, i guess. it’s not a choice between creativity and mental health, it just shifts the struggle. 

anyway. i’m gonna try to write now, and not hate it <3

[wonderwonderhowido]

fic roundup

Another year-end meme, this one looking back on my fic output in 2016.

Wordcount: 126,116 words according to ao3

Stories: 10

Fandoms: 7

January: None

February:

Goodbye Highway (first chapter posted in January, finished in February) - The Raven Cycle, Ronan/Adam, 69k words. The big amnesia fic.

Did I Say Too Much? I’m So In My Head - Haikyuu!!, kuroken, 3k words. Kenma pines and then is brave. This was the one I wrote during the one all-nighter I pulled in 2016, while I was in a semi-euphoric state after the Carly Rae Jepsen concert. Memorably, this was also the night I tripped and read all the ushioi and found myself with a new otp, but the fic I wrote that night was actually kuroken.

March:

Better Make Sure That You Get Yours - Haikyuu!!, ushioi, 6k words, written for Auto’s birthday. The rimming fic.

April:

Last Year’s Wishes Are This Year’s Apologies -  Haikyuu!!, ushioi, 13k words. The one where Oikawa saves Ushijima from a dude hitting on him, drunken hookup ensues.

I Am One Of Your People - Haikyuu!! x Attack on Titan, Armin/Kenma, 5k words and written for ouroboros for smutswap.

Stand Brave Life-Liver - The Raven Cycle, Ronan and Noah gen, 1,802 words. A missing scene from TRK.

May - August: None

September:

Change of Heart -  Haikyuu!!, ushioi, 12k words. The one where they get lost in the woods together and have to work shit out.

November:

Warm Blood - Mystic Messenger, Jumin/Zen, 7k words and the first chapter of a WiP that will probably never be finished. Zen’s a vampire in this one.

December:

Teach Me Just What Fast Is - Yuri!!! On Ice, Yuri/Otabek, 3k words. Basically just my manifesto of headcanons about Yuri P being a sub.

Tiny Islands Where We Didn’t Always Have To Be Afraid - Jessica Jones, Jessica/Trish, 4k words. Backstory of them hooking up while they were teenagers.

Leitmotif of the year:

I am not sure that there is a single leitmotif that runs through all or most of these, but all my ushioi plus Goodbye Highway have to do with struggles of reconciling the past with the present, and the general concept of, and importance of, the baggage you can have with someone. So I guess that.

Other themes I’ve noticed: healing from trauma; pining; jealousy, resentment, anger and the complications ensuing from these uglier emotions getting entangled with romantic yearning; gaining understanding and knowledge of another person and/or yourself through sex; sex and control, specifically the sexiness of surrendering control to someone else.

What’s the story that makes you happiest?

Goodbye Highway. I feel like a broken record for how much I’ve already talked about my positive feelings for this story, but, well. It made me happy to write and it makes me happy to think about.

My favorite stories this year:

Goodbye Highway; Better Make Sure That You Get Yours; Change of Heart

Most popular story:

Goodbye Highway, and I’m a little stunned by the popularity of Teach Me Just What Fast Is, considering I wrote it on an airplane. 

Story most underappreciated by the universe, in my opinion:

Hm. I mean, both Tiny Islands and I Am One Of Your People were barely read by anyone, but I didn’t really expect them to be? I wrote the Armin/Kenma for ouroboros in smut swap, and they loved it, so I consider it successful by that metric, and Tiny Islands I wrote primarily for myself and I’m satisfied with it, so.

I guess I feel like Change of Heart and Last Year’s Wishes are underappreciated, partly because they got less kudos than the ushioi rimming and were harder to write/more plotty than that, and partly because I always think that ushioi is underappreciated by the universe in general.

Most fun story:

Change of Heart. Dramatic locker room arguments, a hike in the woods gone horribly wrong, forced intimacy, and all of Oikawa’s issues and hangups. The dialogue I wrote for this is some of the most fun I’ve ever had writing dialogue, and I loved pulling so liberally from my own internal monologues for Oikawa’s.

Sexiest story:

Better Make Sure That You Get Yours. Hard to argue with rimming and frenemies to lovers.

Story with single sexiest moment:

Adam sucking on Ronan’s fingers and then his dick before fucking him, in the middle of the longest sex scene I have ever written, at the end of Goodbye Highway. Oh also Oikawa coming on Ushijima’s face in Last Year’s Wishes.

Story with single sweetest moment:

Probably Goodbye Highway again, Ronan and Adam eating chocolate cake and watching porn together. I’m also awfully fond of Blue and Ronan’s first conversation together in GH, when she gives him the light, which maybe doesn’t strike other people as sweet, but it is for me. Also, Oikawa coaching Ushijima on how to make friends is very sweet to me.

Hardest story to write:

Warm Blood. It became hard enough to write that I’ve pretty much given up on continuing it, which is too bad; I kind of feel like I shouldn’t have posted it at all, oh well.

Easiest story to write:

Teach Me Just What Fast Is, or Did I Say Too Much? Both of them were written in p much one sitting, while I was sleep-deprived and in a good mood, and they just flowed.

Truest story of the year:

I still struggle with deciding on a definition of ‘truest.’ Tiny Islands is the story truest to its canon; Goodbye Highway and Change of Heart are the two truest to myself, I guess.

Story that made you cry/saddest story:

I don’t think Goodbye Highway is ultimately a sad story, although some might disagree, but it was the closest anything came to making me cry.

“Holy crap, that’s wrong even for you” story:

I don’t think I wrote anything that would fit this even remotely. All the porn I wrote was extremely right.

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters:

I don’t know if this counts as shifting my own perceptions of the characters, but I wound up writing Jumin and Zen as kinder to each other than I’d originally intended in Warm Blood, and I’m still sort of mad that I wasn’t able to make their dynamic nastier.

Biggest disappointment:

Not writing the Blue and Ronan gen story where they become roommates after Gansey’s death.  

Biggest surprise:

I cannot fucking believe that HQ is the fandom I wrote the most for this year.

Most telling story:

Goodbye Highway, which is basically just 69k words of me processing my own brain shit. Change of Heart, wherein I wrote Oikawa a lot like myself.

Favorite opening line:

From Better Make Sure That You Get Yours: “Oikawa had a list of things that frustrated him about sex with Ushijima Wakatoshi.”

(Honorable mention, from Last Year’s Wishes: “Go suck a dick, Ushiwaka.” Listen, I love writing Oikawa more than I love most other things on this earth.)

Favorite closing line:

"Ronan sat on the forest floor, ignoring the occasional buzz in his pocket that indicated a text from Gansey, until it started to get dark. The temperature dropped, though not by much. Stiffness grew in his legs from sitting in one position too long. Distantly, he could hear the roar of an engine on a highway, so far away that it seemed quiet and kind. And around him, fireflies.” From Goodbye Highway. I just need to point out that I wrote this before TRK came out, and therefore m*ggie owes me for the concept of Ronan and symbolic firefly imagery.

And I can’t choose, I also love this one so much:

“As Noah crouched over Gansey’s body and said the words Gansey needed to hear, energy lines and time circles and knots in threads flitted through him like bird wings flapping. He was relieved to find that letting go did not feel like being murdered at all.” From Stand Brave Life-Liver

Favorite line from anywhere:

I’m very fond of this line from Tiny Islands, because it’s very simple and forgettable out of context but, at least to me and within the context of the show, it has a super bleak impact: “Jessica’s hangover the next morning was terrible, and she swore to herself she’d never drink again.”

But also like, the real favorite has to be this one from Goodbye Highway: “The holes in his mind scared him. But they were just holes. They couldn’t hurt him in the present.”

Favorite title:

Tiny Islands Where We Didn’t Always Have To Be Afraid, which is my favorite lyric from Run Fast by The Julie Ruin, a song that makes my heart hurt whenever I think about it. Honorable mention for Last Year’s Wishes Are This Year’s Apologies, because Fall Out Boy.

Looking back, did you write more stories than you thought you would this year, fewer than you thought, or about what you predicted?

I don’t remember having any real predictions about how many fics I would write, but hm, probably fewer? I wrote fewer than last year, but more of my stories were longer and/or more substantial.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January 2016?

Ushioi took me by surprise and I’m so glad and I’ve never looked back.

Story that could have been better?

Idk, I’m pretty pleased with the quality of most of them. Stand Brave Life-Liver probably could have been better, but I’m not sure how I could have improved it except by being an entirely different kind of writer than I am. I Am One Of Your People could have been more ambitious, but I think it works as a hot sex scene and a snippet of an established relationship. Warm Blood could have been finished, but oh well.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

Goodbye Highway was risky, I guess, but it didn’t feel like it at the time because it mostly flowed easily. Same with most of what I wrote, tbh. I started working on a novel pretty early on last year, and the work on that was for the most part not something that flowed, so fanfic was more of an escapist thing for me, something I thought of doing purely for my own enjoyment and often something I spent time on when I knew I should be doing other things. This meant that most of the fic I wrote was id-driven and a blast to create. I guess what I learned is that it’s worth it to try and find that sweet spot where your writing is simultaneously you shooting from the hip, and striving to pull off an ambitious concept.  

What story do you want to have written?

I want to have finished the otayuri spy AU, I’m so impatient with this one, it’s all I’ve been thinking about. And I want to have written ushioi where Oikawa tops. And I want to have written some kind of otayuri fic that involves them having some kind of fight or misunderstanding and angsting about it and then resolving the conflict. And I want to have written the otayuri idea I have that I described as “orgasm denial but for kissing.” Look I just want to write otayuri all day, every day.

Story I want remembered:

Goodbye Highway.

What’s next for 2017:

I don’t really have any fic goals right now beyond finishing my current otayuri WiPs. Predicting next year’s fandoms is always fun to look at later, in a ‘wow I was hilariously wrong’ way, but I have no idea what’s coming up that could prompt me to write fic. Maybe I’ll write some stuff for Attack on Titan s2, if that starts showing up on my dash again. Maybe I will continue to tend my humble ushioi garden and write the bottom!Ushijima of my dreams; I keep thinking that I’m done with HQ but that hasn’t happened yet and I should probably learn to stop predicting it. I would like to write some victuuri, but I’m waiting for the right idea and it might never come.

You know what WOULD be nice, but I have no idea if this is actually on the horizon, is getting into a big western TV slash fandom again. I’m so ready for another Teen Wolf. I mean, I think a lot of us are and have been for a while, and YOI kind of turned out to be way more of a juggernaut fandom than I would have predicted, which of course I’m thrilled about. But it seems like all of the big non-anime fandom waves in recent years have been movie fandoms, which I can never seem to sustain an interest in, and I want another huge ridiculous TV fandom. I have no idea if this will be in store or not, though, beyond YOI hopefully continuing to gain momentum.

[splitshortsyeah]

LCD Soundsystem 'This Is Happening'

- Tim Shea

Imagine being there. Imagine being there for the first single. ‘I'm losing my edge……’

Imagine having that song speak to how you felt about the current landscape of nightlife and music and parties. That was in 2002. Imagine being that fucking old. James Murphy is that old. He's older than that actually. He's seen everything. And he's seen it before you and I. So much so that he has made a career out of what he has seen. His first single came after kicking around the scene for over a decade, and it simply spoke to how jaded and experienced he was. Eight years and three albums later, in 2010, he still was the IT BOI. Much was made of how it was his and his band’s (LCD Soundsystem) last album. The act had been around for less than a decade, and at its climax, warranted a live studio session and a farewell tour chronicled in both album and movie fashion. 

We now know there was a lot left in the tank.

In the fall of 2010, I was driving from Rochester,NY to Boston,MA to visit my girlfriend, with a brief layover in Hadley,MA to sort out my pickup truck’s bed cover. My good friend was riding along to see her better friend, but we both were lamenting over the fact we never found ourselves at a house party where only LCD Soundsystem was played. But maybe I had, and I didn’t realize…. (Granted, I drunkenly danced around to “Daft Punk At my House” for some silly project for a roommate years before, but the genius and glory of Murphy was lost on me until ‘This Is Happening’).

 I probably didn’t even really like the album that much on the first listen. Unrelenting kick drum, cowbell that was ironic and unurinic all at once, synths stretched to the MAX and the rambling musings; how could you not understand my lack of immediate infatuation. I might have even preferred Kid Cuid’s Remix/Cover/Taker of the opener with Chip Tha Ripper at some point that summer. But, eventually, I wisened up, realized Cudi was the only one who thought he was more talented than his fans did, I figured out ‘You wanted a hit’ wasn't about LSD, and began to  appreciate the greatness of the ‘..Happening’. And thank god there was a glittering back catalogue to fall into once I was hooked. 

“Dance yrself clean”, “Drunk girls”, and  “Home” are all still better than most noise today. Everything else from the LP is acceptable croony filler, but once one gets it, one knows they are all necessary. It’s not his (their) best album (I’m not really sure what is tbh, the cantankerous may say ‘45:33’ or ‘Fabriclive.36’), but it sticks just as much as the two albums before it and the one to follow. 

As I was saying, ‘...Happening’ was to be the end of LCD Soundsystem. And Jimmy made an effort to move on. Special Disco Version (a collab between Murphy and Pat Mahoney) toured the circuit and even created its own immersive sonic experience for select shows. I was there in Asheville, and at the Roots Picnic and on Govn’rs Island, and was quite upset about the show in Cambridge being sold out (how are there some many people who are cool as me???????). Murph Dog wasn't satisfied with sharing old and some new obscurities with the masses. He even lent his services to the other great indie group at the time for their ‘Reflektor’ album. 

Fuck - to call LCD’s rise meteoric gives too much credit to meteors.

Shit - I’m burnt.

‘This is Happening’ was and still is a great record. It didn’t really need to happen. I mean, that’s a guess on my end, I didn’t listen to ‘Sound of Silver’ until after 2010, but that was a great album as well. Anyone who paid attention to the eponymous must have been over the moon with the “Nike Mix”, “Fabric Mix” and the 2nd studio offering. I can’t imagine they were sitting there like “well, yeah but where do we go from here?...” - unless they were fucks.

I’m starting to categorize albums as ‘great’ if they don’t leave me wanting more. If the album met and exceeded expectations, whether in real time or in retrospect, it’s selfish and close minded to just want to know ‘how are you gonna blow my mind next’. Like, ‘Darkside of the Moon’ is great, but the fact that it came after ‘Meddle’ and before ‘Wish You Were Here’ and ‘Animals’ is fucking jarring. Expectatiosn become so high some times and artists have to really be other worldly to put out something that satisfies and mystifies at the same time. 

That's LCD for me.

2010 could have been it. The DJ gigs gave me a sense of the energy of the shows I never thought or knew about. I was all set. But. He. Ran. It. Fucking. Back. Some internets were very hurt in their softy feels ‘cause “they just couldn’t…..” But when an artist has reached the level of “new output is better than no output” that's the win win all around. I saw LCD Soundsystem during the American Dream Tour and it was great. It wasn't teenage-illegal-warehouse-in-Brooklyn great but as a 30 year old, it was a proper ‘CHECK’. The fat guy in the t-shirt did not let me down.

2010 was the end that wasn’t and It got many a folk into the idea of dance punk, which had actually been around since CBGB, but it also left that scene really nowhere else to go. DFA Records soon flailed. The Juan MacClean and YATCH never broke through like they could have, Holy Ghost were lost in the fray, Factory Floor just missed the mark and the rebrand epitomized by Guerilla Toss was ignored by most. ‘American Dream’ was another album the fans didn’t need or deserve but it worked. It may have been geared to saving the label but I’d be surprised if it won them new fans like back in 2010. But for those who wanted without know, it was a sweet reminder of how their taste in music remained fringe but blindly excellent.