#I just wanted a moon and star themed dynamic duo

[aercoyna]

[Image ID: Drawing of a planet and space based AU of Bruce Wayne (Batman) and Dick Grayson (Robin). Bruce has a bird like cowl with a moon on his forehead, and it’s connected to a dark blue cape. The top of his costume is dark gray-blue with light grey-blue stripes. Dick has stars hanging from his hair. He has a bright, dark blue poncho. He has a moon hanging from his poncho. His top has bright yellow and purple swirls. Dick is holding onto Bruce’s sleeve and looking up at him with a happy look. End ID]

Ok so the basic idea is that this is a DC AU where you descend from a planet, like “Child of the Earth” or “Child of Mars”

I haven’t quite figured out the knicks and knacks but I’ll find them

I thought of a “Child of the stars” Dick and “Child of the moon” Bruce

And here are the designs

In all honestly I just wanted a star and moon themed dynamic duo

[normal-thoughts-official]

Why Joe and Nicky deserve to win the sun and moon showdown, and if they don't I'll end up in the INTERPOL Most Wanted list

A not at all dramatic essay

(Plain text version here)

1. Not only do they canonically use moon imagery to refer to each other, but their context adds new symbolism to that metaphor that other duos don't have

If you haven't seen TOG and aren't familiar with the van speech, well, I recommend that you do, but I'll transcribe it for your convenience:

"He's not my 'boyfriend'. This man is more to me than you can dream. He's the moon when I'm lost in darkness and warmth when I shiver in cold. And his kiss still thrills me even after a millennium. His heart overflows with the kindness of which this world is not worthy of. I love this man beyond measure and reason, he's not my 'boyfriend'. He's all and he's more"

Yeah, pretty long way of saying "actually we're husbands", but let's focus on the "he's the moon when I'm lost in darkness" bit. That bit alone is already insanely romantic and enough to make us fans go rabid with this tournament, but there is an extra layer of romanticism to it, because Mr Yusuf al-Kaysani (aka Joe) is Muslim, and in Islam, the moon represents the guidance of Allah through life, the calendar is based on the moon cycles, and the brightness of the moon is compared to both the face of the Prophet Muhammad and the first batch of souls to enter Paradise. Therefore, the moon, in Joe's culture, is intrinsecally linked with the divine, guidance, holiness, and time

So, when Joe compares Nicky to the moon, he's not only saying that he brings light into a dark world; he is saying that he is the very guiding light that leads him to a blessed life, that he is the foundation through which the world and time can be understood, and that his beauty and holiness is comparable to that of the souls of Heaven themselves

Which is all already enough for me to bite through wood, but the specific relationship between the moon and the understanding of time in Joe's culture is also particularly meaningful for Joe and Nicky, because Joe and Nicky are two of the 5 people who are immortal in the entire world. And one of the core themes of the movie is how that sense of timelessness leads them to isolation, and a constant state of loss. There is a deep melancholy that permeates their entire existence due to the fact that time as we know it no longer makes sense to them, and they live outside of it, skirting around eras and history. So, by comparing Nicky to the very body that marked the passage of time for Joe, he is saying that Nicky is what helps him make sense of the impossible, that he is the constant in Joe's eternity, that he brings meaning to their confusing and sometimes alienating existence

But wait! There's more!

Because Joe and Nicky met in al-Quds (also known as Jerusalem) in the year 493 AH (also known as 1099 CE in the Gregorian Calendar) and had to travel together across the desert for a long time, which means that, for the first few years of their life together, they were in fact relying on the moon to guide them in their path. So they both have a deep intrinsic understanding of how the moon is a compass, the most reliable thing in uncertainty. And the moon has been guiding their steps, their relationship, since their paths were first joined. And they weren't separated since

Like. Listen, I'm sure Star Trek is great and its fans are lovely, and I salute the Star Trek fandom for everything it did for fandom history in general, but you cannot tell me that Spirk has this much baggage associated with the sunmoon symbolism. It just doesn't. If this were a hand touching tournament, no one would have as much symbolism linked to it than y'all, but when it comes to being the sun and moon, no one is doing it like Joe and Nicky

2. The most appealing aspect of the SunMoon dynamic is how they need to defeat all odds to be with each other, and Joe and Nicky have that in spades

"Oh I don't think that's the most ap-" IRRELEVANT. I'll talk about the other ones too. Just keep reading, okay? /joking

As you might know, Joe and Nicky met on opposite sides of a battlefield. They killed each other. (Many times). And what happened then?

They ressurrected and became immortal. That alone is already impossible, but it gets better - even for the rules of immortality in their universe, Joe and Nicky are still an impossibility that has never happened before or since

Because in The Old Guard, immortality is extremely rare. There have only ever been 7 immortals in the entire history of humanity. There are usually several millennia between the appearance of one immortal and the next one. Other than them, the shortest time gap between one immortal appearing and the next was 800 years. But Joe and Nicky became immortal at the same time, on the same day. Their very existence bends the rules of an universe that already bends the rules of the universe they lived in beforehand anyway. Joe and Nicky being together defies the very fabric of time, and if that isn't some sun and moon shit, I don't know what is

But it's not just some destiny shit either. Joe and Nicky were also not supposed to be together by other standards. For starters, they were on opposite sides of a war. Nicky was a fucking priest, and he joined the goddamn actual honest to god crusades. He was hateful and ignorant and awful, and when he chose Joe, he left behind everything he knew before him. All his certainties, his beliefs, his faith, his family, everything he had ever been taught. I'm also gonna go ahead and say that that ties into the whole "the sun is what makes the moon shine" metaphor - because everything that defines Nicky as he is now is the direct result of how meeting Joe changed him

And listen, listen to me. I'm not saying that he stopped being a bigot for Joe, because if he did, I doubt Joe would want him. He did it because it was the right thing to do, and he was wrong and ignorant and indoctrinated by the church. But he still had to make the choice to turn his back to all that, and that plain and simply would not have happened if he hadn't met Joe. It was Nicky's own effort, but meeting Joe was the catalyst

Joe, similarly, had to overcome a lifetime's worth of (well earned) resentment and hatred for what Nicky did. Joe forgiving Nicky at all is already nearly an impossibility (and he would be well within his right to never do that), but he didn't just forgive Nicky, he fell in love with him. And he chose him, well aware of how bloody and terrible his past was, and despite the fact that there is no way he wasn't deeply conflicted about what he felt for Nicky after everything the Christians put him through. I cannot even begin to imagine how hard this process must have been for Joe, and it was one he didn't have to go through at all - which means that he chose to

And that's not even taking into account the very personal resentments between the two of them, because they weren't just on opposing armies, they literally and personally killed each other. Several times over. And yet, impossibly, against all logic, against everything they had ever felt and believed in prior to each other, against possibly their own desires, they fell in love. They fell in love and have been hopelessly devoted to each other every since

And THEN, on top of all that at the beginning of their relationship, they lived as an interracial, interfaith*, gay couple, through what were undoubtedly the worst times in humanity's history to be either of those things. For 900 years, they had to love each other in secret and with varying degrees of risk associated with ever being found out as a couple, or even with being associated with each other at all to begin with

(*It is debatable what their current relationship with their respective original faiths is, since it isn't mentioned in the movie. But even if both of them had turned their back on their religions, they are still culturally Christian and culturally Muslim, and that makes a difference. Personally, though, I don't think either of them turned their backs on their religions, although I do believe Nicky turned his back to the Catholic Church as an institution for obvious reasons)

That's not even counting all the incredibly traumatic shit that they went through ever since (which I won't mention in detail because it's spoilers and also this is long enough already) and that would definitely break a couple with a less unbreakable bond. Through centuries and centuries of pain and regret, they have chosen nothing and no one but each other, first and foremost, no matter what that meant.

Nicky even brings it up in the comics:

[ID: Joe and Nicky touching foreheads with their eyes closed. Nicky is holding Joe's chin and he says, "why is it so difficult, Joe? We've been afforded more time than any lovers I can name. And still, every moment we scrape together feels precious. Something always happens-" End ID]

(From the Tales Through Time one-shot series. I generally think the comics are meh and the movie is where it's at, but I do recommend reading this one. It is set before the movie happens so there are no spoilers)

There has never been a time where being together was easy, and yet, Joe and Nicky chose each other no matter what. They chose each other even when it meant being separated and getting only scraps of time together in secret. If that isn't some sun and moon shit, I don't know what is

3. They complement each other

And not in the dumb stereotypical "the sunshine one and the grumpy one" way either. For starters, Joe isn't bubbly, and Nicky isn't grumpy. No, they have two characteristics that I think represent the sun and moon way better than that anyway - Joe is an extremely intense person, and Nicky, an extremely cool headed one

Joe doesn't feel anything by halves, and despite the fact that he has lived through several lifetimes, it still seems as if everything he goes through is happening for the first time. Every time Nicky or another one of the family dies, Joe looks just as desperate as he would a millennium ago, despite the fact that he's had centuries to get used to the fact that they die and then come back to life. He's the only one who's that affected by it (obviously none of them enjoy seeing each other die, but the rest seem to have accepted to some degree that it's a part of their lives, or at least gotten used to it). He has experienced so many horrible things, yet he is still as affected and disgusted by it every time, going as far as lashing out sometimes. When he's angry, no one is able to hold him back from yelling at the person he's angry at (not even Nicky). Similarly, not even an actual van full of armed homophobic guards is able to stop him from simply dropping a passionate speech about how important Nicky is to him, complete with getting misty-eyed and kissing him at the end (and I'm not even bringing up the fact that both of them have their hands and their feet tied)

To me, that is the most sun-coded possible trait, because the sun is intense, hard to ignore, and quite literally burning. The intensity with which Joe feels also feels like it could burn, but it's also what makes him so warm and loving

Nicky is also a pretty intense person, but, unlike Joe, he is super cool headed about it. For starters, Nicky is a sniper; he is capable of staying still for hours at a time, observing, figuring out the best time to strike. That demands an amount of control over himself, his feelings, even his instincts, that is admirable. But he's not just like that on a mission; Nicky is very careful with what he says, when he speaks, what he lets other people see of him. His expressions are all subtle, contained, and even when he is in a state of murderous rage, he doesn't lash out. He doesn't lose control. The same way that the moon and the sun share their brightness, Joe and Nicky share their intensity, but Nicky is able to subdue it while Joe burns with it and lets that be his strength

Where Joe is expansive and wears his heart on his sleeve, Nicky is cautious and guarded. Where Joe gets lost in his own feelings and loses sight of what they need to do, Nicky keeps their heads straight and reminds him of what they need to do. Like the moon that guides one through the desert

They're different and complementary, but also intrinsecally tied to each other. They have the same spark where it matters, but present it in different, complementary ways. They are a part of each other, but they're also themselves first and foremost. That's what the sun and moon are all about

Sun and moon imagery has been the staple of the Joenicky fandom since day fucking 1, and for good reasons

VOTE JOE AND NICKY IN THE SUN AND MOON DUO SHOWDOWN

[thevindicativevordan]

Comics this week?

Anonymous asked: Comics this week ? Especially Ultimate Spider-Man.

Anonymous asked: What did you think about Ultimate Spider-Man?

Ultimate Spider-Man #1 - Dare I say it: Amazing. Spider-Man is back to being the best/hottest book on the market. Like the original USM we go an entire first issue without Peter even wearing the costume, but every bit of set-up here felt like it was expanding the kind of possibilities for where Hickman could go. Peter and MJ both sound and feel right in a way the 616 version do not anymore. MJ being a business owner and the real bread winner of the family raises an interesting possibility in a world where corporations run everything. How far could she possibly climb? Enough to attract the Council's attention? I called Ben living in this universe while May died, but I did not see Ben and Jonah being the best buddy duo of 2024. Love their dynamic and I really hope neither of the two die any time soon. I like what I see of Ben, he's the same principled guy as always, but he's got a bit of a chip on his shoulder here that explains why Peter usually does too. Normally we just don't get to see that because he only exists to die. Can't talk about the kids too much yet, although I want that scene of May holding the ball with the spider to be foreshadowing her own future as Spider-Girl.

Spider-Man has always been an interesting hybrid of the Superman/Batman archetypes, but 6160 Peter I think leans more towards the Superman side. Besides the obvious similarity of Peter being an investigative reporter, here being a hero is what he wants, he's seemingly motivated not by guilt like 616 Peter, but out of a sense of altruism and also a desire for more from his life. Oh and his first big foe is a bald guy who controls NYC via money. Guess the "reveal" regarding the variant covers is that Peter's StarkTech suit (can't believe Hickman went there and did it in a way I don't hate) is that it can shift in appearance between the different suits at will. I cannot wait to see the Peter and Harry dynamic play out, sure looks like we will see their friendship form from joining forces as Spider-Man and Green Goblin, only to fall apart as Harry falls more and more into madness. Now I really want to see him married to Gwen, but it seems like he's a bachelor. Perhaps Gwen is a cop in this universe and she might still enter the fray.

Responsibility is the ubiquitous theme of Spider-Man, but here it's presented in a different light. Peter had a heroic destiny taken from him, and he accepts it back willingly despite the costs it's sure to inflict. Hickman seems to be tackling the idea that the rich and powerful have robbed us of the glorious future we were supposed to have, and now the question is if there are enough good people who feel responsible for the collective good left in the world to take that future back. Certainly a relevant topic, one that puts a new spin on Marvel being "the world outside your window".

Action Comics #1061 - Timms levelled up on art and gave us one hell of a fight sequence. Poor Jupiter is down one moon. Good issue, Bizarro tapping into magic to recreate his home via replacing Superman's is an interesting premise. Aaron's got a good handle on Clark's voice and the voices of his supporting cast, think this Marvel Star writing Superman will go down easier than the last one did.

Green Lantern # 7 - Found out where the other Lanterns are and that "death" scene for Kilowag is a total fakeout with no body. Bringing Hal to Sinestro and trying to talk things out was a doomed endeavor, no way was that confrontation ending without violence.

Blade #7 - Kind of a filler issue, Hill's been uneven lately here which is disappointing because he started strong.

[freyjas-musings]

I am going to address this here I am not on Twitter and I don't intend to be either.... To the person who sent this to me ... Thanks... I am also not blocking out the user name because she didn't bother doing so either

So Rika you really believe I want Elriel but without Elain. Here is my question... why ?

Elain is fictional so are Gwyn and Azriel . If I really liked the dynamic of that duo why wouldn't I just ship them? Ah, now you think I hate Elain don't you?

I am just going to say this and I hope to God you have the sense to actually understand, do you know how much there is to hate in the real world I will give you an example of what I hate...

I hate that a woman's been denied the right to her own body when it comes to carrying a child

I hate that young girls are denied the right to education

I hate that women in parts of the world are paid a lot less for the same amount work.

I hate the abuse thats inflicted on young girls.

I hate that human beings are assholes who don't understand they are not the only creation on earth . We don't how to coexist we litter the earth, we destroy eco systems and we are doing all of that out of greed.

So that is a brief sample of the things I really hate .... I am at capacity my friend .... this itself is a lot of burden to carry because I don't have control of any of those things . I still help in whatever way I can .... if you lot think supporting female artists is the only thing I do for women you are wrong .... its one of the many things I do... I am just as actively involved in helping women who go through domestic violence for example.

I don't hate Elain ... The idea sounds so stupid juvenile and dramatic. Unlike some of you I don't spend my life on the internet spewing nonsense and drawing straws of self worth from it .

Now coming to the Aesthetic.... I don't care what goes on in your head but I hate to break it to you light and dark is also one of the Aesthetics that fit in with Gwyn and Az .... day and night is not the only light and dark theme.... night sky and moon are considered light and dark too.... the night sky and the stars that light it also come under the light and dark theme .

Don't you people get tired ?

Listen my friend I am going to say this to you none of you really matter to me except if someone attacks one of you based on your gender in which case I will do what I can to help I don't care which side or which country you are in I will try to help.

You guys are not important to me . I am part of this fandom for some fun I stick to my lane , I do my own thing . I have a lot going on in my personal life this fandom is a way to forget the difficult things in my life and you guys are robbing me off of that.

I have an autistic toddler that I worry about all day every day whether he will have friends ... whether he will be happy .... whether he will be safe ... I have severe anxiety issues because of that .

I have a job which is so stressful that if I make one mistake it can cost a person's life and millions of dollars .

I have a husband who would get me the moon if I pouted yet I have not been able to give him the time he deserves

I have an aging family thousands of miles away who I haven't seen in over 5 years...

Do you see why you and your little friends are not a problem to me ?

Do you see how this fandom is my way of escaping my hell hole while also doing my bit for the female artists ???

I am not writing this post for sympathy or as a sob story .... I don't give a shit about a bunch of internet trolls sympathising with my life .... but I need people to understand this fictional shit isn't that deep. Just stay the fuck in your lanes and mind your own business. Why is it so hard for you lot?

[leoprincess777]

⚡ astrobservations p.2 ⚡♌

🌟 houses

*this is a new theory i came up with but we might experience the energy of the opposite of our houses. for example, as a 1h venus person you may act more like a 7h venus where you avoid confrontation and value keeping the peace. as a 7h venus, you may act more like a 1h venus where you give more appericiation to your appearance and be more aggressive and argumentative.

as a 6h sun, you may find it more difficult to accomplish tasks at hand and be productive and it may feel like a burden to you, but you may easily get in contact with the astral realm and embrace your higher self.as a 12h sun, you may easily be productive and finish tasks and chores but struggle with surrendering to the divine, diving deep into spirituality or struggle to accept your gifts.

*mercury in 7h love to debate other people and share their ideas with other people

*jupiter in 5th gives excellent stage presence and abundance of creativity, its the ultimate performer and creator placement. people with chart ruler in 5h jupiter are often destined to become a creator/performer which can even mean being a tourist guide or a youtuber

*mercury in 5th people are never boring and they are extremely pleasant people who will make everything 5x more fun than it is. school work, chores, everything is funner with them!

🌟 synastry

*be VERY careful when getting into a relationship with 8th house synastry, especially if you are the planet person because you will most likely form an extreme attachment and obsession to the house person that will last for a very long time and can go into unhealthy lenghts. because you are the planet person and this is 8th house synastry we are talking about, the house person has immense power over you and they know it. they can see right through you. as the planet person, you want to be their one and only and feel they empower you, which makes you crave to be with them more because they give you power and their presence helps you get through anything. you will never forget about them and they become embeded in your subconscious. the house person will feel disturbed and triggered by you psychologically. but they become fascinated with the planet person. this makes an extremely transformative relationship. they bring out your true personality (especially if your sun is in their 8th house) to the surface and you trigger the heck out of them.   the planet person usually finds the house person when the house person is at their rock bottom and sometimes vice versa. 

 *venus conjunct sun synastry has an effect where the venus person is widely known as the sun person’s sweetheart. the venus person becomes a magnefied and known person in the sun persons life, almost like a celebrity couple/duo while the sun person is known by the venus persons’ favorite people and inner circle mostly.

*12th house synastry is a BITCH i fucking hate it because it makes everything so blurry and unknown you have no idea wtf is going on but you also cant make your way out and you idealise the person a lot

6th house synastry is EXCELLENT because you’re involved in each others lives so much. more often than not, you spend majority of your time in a day together whether by hanging out or texting and the planet person usually reports the house person what are they doing during the day (like a random text of “im repairing a bike rn” or “im going to x, i’ll be back in awhile” etc) and you care about each other A LOT. the planet person can take a director role in the house persons life and they help each other a lot

mars conjunctions are wonderful synastries for sticking through thick and thin, it makes a very dynamic and sexy couple

with mercury in 7th house synastry, it’s IMPOSSIBLE for the love to remain as a secret if it’s a romance relationship. it will come out. one of you will admit it sooner or later

🌟 other

*wherever your mars is placed in, is where you’re not scared to take action or assert yourself. example: my pisces mars friends are not afraid of getting in dangerous waters likecliff diving, swimming in wild waves, going too deep in water etc. i, as a leo mars am not afraid of putting myself out there and performing

*sagittarius suns love to eat, while sagittarius moons have less appetite and desire to eat

*aries moons love themes of war, they have a warrior-like approach to most things

*aries-pisces people turn war and warriorhood into fantasy and make it dreamlike. (example: grimes’ (a pisces sun aries moon) WarNymph persona)

*i didnt observe this myself but read that mars opposite uranus people have deranges pasts with knives and it’s SO true.

*fire moons enjoy energetic and upbeat music, earth moons love chill music (like indie, lofi, can be r&b too maybe), air moons can enjoy techno music&rap, and i’m not sure about water moons cause i don’t have many water moons in my life but i’m thinking they would enjoy songs with lyrics or beats that make them feel something and songs with stories. i’ve seen that they tend to listen to music of all kinds. earth moons openly discriminate amongst genres and dgaf

*pisces placements have divine intelligence and are revolutionaries. this is rarely mentioned and pisces are often described as “airheads” which they are because of their giant imaginations and unique thought process but it’s a sign of intelligence. pisces people pick up on ANYTHING so quickly, absorb information like a sponge and analyze it themselves to form an opinion and understand it. their thoughts and opinions often dont make to other people or shock them. they will bring revolution and newness into whatever area they are working with. (example: einstein, rihanna, grimes (she’s literally trying to make the “ethereal techno” an official genre and creating avatars. revolution), billie eilish, kurt cobain (helllooo  grunge king), paul mccartney, copernicus, aamir khan, steve jobs are all either pisces suns or risings

*sagittarians are similar in the sense that they like to discover new paths. they have the star quality (walt disney, britney spears, brad pitt, nicki minaj)

*it makes sense that the world’s most famous celebrity right now is a leo (kylie jenner)

*sagittarius and gemini risings have thick and pretty hair. it’s well styled and you want to run your hand through it. they’re physically advantaged

*aries suns and moons will just create trouble if they cant find it cause they love to throw themselves in tricky and dangerous situation as they feed off of it

*cancer moons get fucking poetic and dramatic at the slightest conflict, argument or emotional moment like they fucking channel the spirit of shakespeare. shhtoppp

*air sun, moon, mercury & venus dont like sadness, depression or traumatic memories so they will often program themselves to forget about heartbreaks or traumatic events and move on like they never happened or change the story and tell people different stories about what happened to convince themselves and twist reality.

*moon-saturn often naturally restricts food intake

most socialists/communists have taurus and sagittarius placements it’s INCREDIBLE

leo ic people are inherently and naturally charming af, thats because they are usually SHOWERED with love and affection as a child, they are often the only child and the golden child which obviously feeds someone with confidence for their life later on

libra moons will judge you on the inside if you are ugly sjdljsdf they dont like to be in aesthetically unpleasent spaces

[idk-mlb-is-reals-cute44]

A Miraculously Wonderful Wedding Day

Requested by @crazyfanatic97 (Dress design also by @crazyfanatic97 )

Summary: When Marinette's wedding day is interrupted by an akuma attack, she thinks her luck couldn't be worse. Little does she know, this unfortunate turn of events is about to lead to what might be the most miraculous revelation she's ever had. (AO3) 

*****

Marinette usually considered herself a pretty relaxed person. After coming into her own in the fashion world, finally asking Adrien out, and successfully upholding her responsibilities as Ladybug for almost ten years and counting, she had faced enough “this is gonna be the end of the world” to figure out how to keep her cool in stressful situations. On particularly bad days, she might get a little “loud, angry fashion designer.” On a rare, worse day, she might feel like she was fourteen years old again. 

Today she was at full out teenage-Chloe-levels of stressed. 

For one, it was her wedding day. The week had already been busy. But starting at seven a.m., it had been an endless parade of “how do you want your makeup” and “let me mess with your hair” and “are these flowers ok?” and Marinette wanted to scream. 

But on top of all of that, the fussing and worrying and getting ready, there was an akuma. 

An akuma. On her wedding day. 

To say Marinette was pissed was an understatement. Marinette was experiencing full-on “let’s murder Hawkmoth” levels of rage. 

The ceremony was starting in two hours. There were a million tiny, but also somehow unimaginably important, tasks to complete and details to check. The caterer was late. There was no time left over to deal with a battle. 

But Marinette had been Ladybug for long enough that she didn’t hesitate to clear out the room, citing “wanting some alone time on this special day,” and other such excuses that rolled off the tongue. (She was practiced at this--she knew what she was doing.) 

“This is so unfair,” Marinette complained to Tikki. 

“I know! It sucks!” said Tikki, in companionable indignance. She trusted her chosen not to need any convincing to do her job. 

Marinette gave herself a minute to push down the worries and anger and stress. Paris needed their hero, their Ladybug, right now. Not a stressed out bridezilla. 

(Marinette, in usual fashion, was not giving herself enough credit. To deal with all this, she was a saint.) 

“Tikki, spots on!” 

*****

Ladybug arrived on the scene, to find Chat Noir already there. She smiled at him. Even though the timing was just so inconvenient it had to be cosmically planned, she always loved to see her kitty. 

“Hello, Bugaboo!” Chat called out as she landed on the roof side beside him. 

“Hello, kitty,” Ladybug returned, “It’s always a pleasure to see you, as you know, but I’m hoping we can make this quick? I have a big day.” 

“Same,” he nodded, “I’m short on time as well.” Here he let a big grin loose, and said, as if he couldn’t contain himself in his joy, “I’m getting married.” 

Ladybug gasped. 

“You’re kidding!”

He shook his head. 

“That’s insane. I am too!” she continued, bumping him lightly with her hip. 

Chat snickered. 

“I’m the ying to your yang, right? We’re on the same wavelength!” 

Ladybug laughed. 

An explosion boomed from the north of them. 

“Let’s get to it, hmm?” said Ladybug, slinging her yoyo in the direction of whatever today’s brand of catastrophe would be. 

“Right behind you,” Chat said, taking a running leap. 

****** 

Hawkmoth was apparently bringing out all the stops today. Who knows how much time had passed as Ladybug and Chat Noir faced off against the overpowered, claustrophobia-themed akuma he’d sent out. 

It didn’t help that the longer the two spent struggling, the more their banter and confident energy drained. The time constraint only served to raise the stakes, which didn’t exactly translate to “the superheroes at their best.”

Angoisse, who wore the grossest (bright yellow and somber grey) bodysuit Ladybug had ever seen, had the power to trap people in tiny opaque boxes. Pretty standard akuma. The formula tended to be “something bad happens = does that bad thing to other people.” Hawkmoth was getting bored, it seemed, after all these years. He rarely got too creative. 

Still, the infamous super villain had managed to create a serious challenge this time around, formula or not. 

So, one thing led to another. 

That is to say… Ladybug and Chat Noir got trapped in a teeny, tiny box together. No way out, and hardly any wiggle room. 

Both their timers were running out, so they stood with their eyes closed, waiting for the telltale sparkly, ultra-shiny glow of detransformation. 

What they hadn’t expected was Marinette’s wedding dress. With the poofiest bell shaped skirt to ever exist (or, as close to that as Marinette could reasonably achieve), it was about four or so feet in diameter. It suddenly sprang into existence, and shoved Chat back towards the opposite wall. 

A few things happened, in quick succession. 

Both Marinette and Chat’s eyes involuntarily opened in momentary shock. 

Before Marinette could squeeze her eyes shut, Chat lost his skin tight super suit, in favor of a tuxedo (designed by none other than Marinette). 

A few moments pause, for shock. Here we find lots of rapid blinking, and loss of words. 

“Holy sh-” Adrien started. 

“You’re not supposed to see the dress!” Marinette suddenly squealed, lunging for Adrien. 

She covered his eyes, and he burst out laughing. 

“It’s you!” he almost yelled, his smile so supernova it was probably visible from Mars and rivaled the sun. 

She let out some panicked giggles, which soon became full out cackling. Uncovering his eyes, she grabbed his arms and tucked her face into his neck, shaking with mirth. 

“It’s you…” she returned, then let out one last snort. “I think we might miss our wedding, dear.” 

He enveloped her in a hug. 

“Ehh,” he shrugged, “We’ll elope.” 

Marinette let out a mock shriek. 

“Not on your life, Adrien Agreste!” she pulled back to give him her best imitation of her mother’s sternest face. “What will the families say?!” 

He slowly shook his head, staring at her in earnest wonder. 

“I can’t believe you’re Ladybug,” he said, “The love of my life and my best friend are the same person.” 

“I can’t believe you’re Chat Noir,” Marinette cried, “You’re like, my two favorite people! In one!” 

The two stared at each other, dumbstruck, for a few moments. 

“This is so surreal,” Marinette finally said, “...But also it somehow makes sense? Of course you’re Chat Noir. No one else makes puns as bad as you two-I mean, as you do.” 

“I feel kind of dumb for not realizing sooner,” he said, “We’re total idiots, right?” 

“Total idiots,” she agreed, “Total idiots who are in loooove!” 

“We’re getting married!” Adrien exclaimed. 

“Today! And we’re all dressed up!” Marinette said, “I can’t believe I’m marrying Chat Noir. You! Adrien! Adrien Noir! Chat Agreste!” 

“I’m marrying Ladybug,” Adrien smirked, making the resemblances to his alter ego even more striking, “Fourteen year old me would be over the moon. And you’re Marinette! I’ve got to be the luckiest guy in the world.” 

Marinette leapt forward, kissing him. He let out a surprised gasp, before returning it.  

 “I hope we don’t miss the cake,” she breathed, pulling back. 

“At our own wedding?” Adrien chuckled, a little breathless himself. “I think they’ll wait for us before they get into the cake, sweetie.” 

“You might miss the cake if we don’t bust out of here!” Plagg suddenly interrupted. “I’ve given you like… five minutes for your disgusting love fest. Now you’ve gotta bust us out!” 

“Plagg’s right,” Tikki sighed, sounded disappointed, “Can this be postponed?”

Marinette nodded, digging macarons out of the pockets she’d been very adamant about sewing into her dress. 

“I hope this is alright,” she said to Plagg, “I don't know what you normally eat.” 

Within seconds the dynamic duo was back in costume. 

“Ready, dear wife?” Chat asked, pressing a quick kiss to his lady’s mouth. 

“Not your wife yet, kitty,” Ladybug winked. “I’m ready. Let’s do this!” 

Chat destroyed the box with his signature Cataclysm! 

Spirits were definitely lifted, and the second part of the fight went much quicker than the first. Within ten, twenty minutes Ladybug had purified the akuma and restored the city to its previous, un-rampaged, glory. 

“We’re so late,” Ladybug said, fistbumping her partner. 

“We are!” Chat said. “I’m kind of too happy right now to care.” 

“Me too!” 

They beamed at each other for a moment. 

“Race you,” Ladybug finally said, wiggling her eyebrows. 

“You’re on!” 

***** 

Alya and Sabine were understandably a little mad at Marinette, who had turned up only ten minutes before the ceremony was set to begin. 

Still, she had Supreme Bride Privilege, so all was quickly forgiven. They touched up her Miraculously unruined hair and makeup, and sent her to wait with Tom as the bridal chorus quietly began. 

Marinette’s dress, the instigator of the happy revelation earlier that evening, had delicate off-the-shoulder sleeves. The dress was white, but cut short to reveal the blue underskirt that matched her eyes. Gold trim lined the bodice and waistline, and sparkly star-shaped details peppered the whole affair. Designing her own wedding dress had been possibly the most challenging, and most rewarding, creative process of Marinette’s life. 

Usually, when wearing a design she was proud of, Marinette was hyper aware of everyone’s reaction. Today, as her voluminous skirt swished along the aisle, her hand tucked into her father’s arm, she had eyes only for Adrien. 

They had already seen each other that day, but it had been in the excitement of battle, and the shock of discovering each other’s identities had superseded any other observations. Now, as Marinette milked the walk for all it was worth, moving at almost a snail’s pace, she really took a moment to take in her groom. 

His golden hair was tousled, almost sparkling in the bright mid-afternoon light streaming through the windows. His black tuxedo (with gold and blue accents, to match her own dress) fit him perfectly, and the almost imperceivable dusting of blush and mascara Chloe had insisted upon meant he looked almost too handsome for words. 

But, in all honesty, Marinette couldn't care less about any of that. 

She stared into his bright green eyes, crinkled from his dopey smile, and Marinette felt like she was coming home. She knew he felt the same way. Just like she knew she and her partner would always be an unstoppable team, just like she knew the sun would rise and the moon would set. Adrien was Chat Noir, her kitty, her best friend, the love of her life and her ultimate inspiration. She had hardly known so for even thirty minutes, but she had never known something so fully and completely as she did now. 

As she finally stepped up to the dais, she shot him a quick wink, before turning to the priest. 

Vows were exchanged. They both said their “I do”s. They gave their first kiss as a married couple. 

Later, as they sat, feet near-blistered from dancing and eyes sparkling with happiness, sharing a piece of cake, they had their second kiss. And their third. And their forth. 

“My kitty.” Marinette giggled. 

“Today was perfect, wasn’t it my lady?” 

And despite the stress, and the battle, and almost being late to her own special day, Marinette was completely sincere when she said, “Yes. Yes it was.” 

[junglecruisefullfree-blog]

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It is unmistakable the case that the film bets about 115% of its success on the Blunt / Johnson pairing, and this is almost worth it. None of the actors are stretching one bit, but none of them are exactly lazy; the point is to see a couple of old-fashioned movie star twists, where actors do exactly what we want them to do and they do it very well. And this is fine, as far as it goes, except there is never exactly "chemistry" between the two. And this happened sometimes with old-fashioned movie stars, too: the studios would put two of their hired players together, just to see what happened. Sometimes it worked wonders. Sometimes you just have two very enjoyable performances of likeable and charismatic actors persistently running in parallel with each other, without really "clicking". And that's what we get in Jungle Cruise, where Lily and Frank always seem like very cordial co-workers, legitimately happy to see each other, but not exactly friends, and definitely not romantic partners in the way the committee-created script would like. . that are. Just a couple of professionals doing a joint job with someone they know they can trust to get the job done right. The first time I went to Disneyland I was 32 years old. Jungle Cruise is a ride that many theme park lovers encourage beginners to visit, so I waited in line for 45 minutes and was very disappointed. Thank goodness the new movie, starring Dwayne Johnson, Emily Blunt, Édgar Ramírez, Jack Whitehall, Jesse Plemons and Paul Giamatti, is much more entertaining. Jungle Cruise, directed by Jaume Collet-Serra from a story by Glenn Ficarra and John Requa and a script by Michael Green, Ficarra and Requa, is a live-action adventure based on the famous Disneyland attraction starring two of the Most charismatic actors in the business: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and Emily Blunt. As entertaining as this movie is, the script makes decisions that prevent a good movie from turning into a great one. Lily Houghton (Blunt) is an idealistic botanist who seeks the "tears of the moon", an ancient indigenous plant from Brazil with healing powers. Her goal is to obtain a petal from the tree in hopes of saving lives, so she, along with her brother Macgregor (Whitehall), travels to South America with nothing but a holy arrowhead and a map. Upon her arrival, the couple meet Frank Wolff (Johnson), a patron who scams visitors with boating on the Amazon River. Lily is looking for a boat, Frank has a boat, and after some maneuvering and lying, the trio agree to be fellow travelers. Sadly, they're not the only ones looking for the petal, and Germany's Prince Joaquin (Plemons) and 400-year-old Conquistador Aguirre (Ramírez) will complicate the journey. Jungle Cruise clearly takes a lot of its cues from movies like Indiana Jones, The Mummy, Romancing the Stone, and The African Queen. It doesn't stand on its own with so much gleaned from previous creative work, but that's not a bad thing here. Jungle Cruise is as funny and hilarious as its inspiration, and the sparks between the lead actors bring this film to life. Individually, Rock and Blunt are already incredibly charming, but as a duo, they create a rhythm of movement and sound that makes their dynamite chemistry jump off the screen and hit you in the face. This is only reinforced by the fact that the two of them are absentmindedly attractive with the most electric smiles, which kept me smiling throughout. Disney's live-action movie is certainly a step forward for director Jaume Collet-Serra, whose previous films include House of Wax (2005) and The Shallows (2016). Apparently he has developed a good working relationship with The Rock, as he is also directing the Warner Bros. DC superhero movie Black Adam. Collet-Serra's captivating and dynamic steering captures fast-paced action crisply and cleanly, avoiding the static and shaky camera look that Disney movies can sometimes be subjected to. However, the cinematographic highlight is the cinematography of Flavio Martínez Labiano. Each scene is perfectly lit and colored in a strangely heady way that gives the film that cinematic look from Hollywood's 1950s Golden Age.

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[floraone]

So, Rec'tober is almost over and I come in at the finish line.

But I wanted to write a special kind of fic rec, something beyond what I normally do. And so I target this post not towards our little corner of the internet that have read every big fic that was posted in the last two decades, but towards those who pop in from time to time, to those that loved Sailor Moon in their childhood and youth and feel that pinge of nostalgia for the world. This post is for you!

Not everything in the Sailor Moon franchise survived the test of time. There are parts of canon we REMEMBER differently - we remember what it made us feel at the time, but re-watching it, it just doesn’t have the same impact. We grew up, and we STILL LOVE THE FRIGGIN CONCEPT, but we notice the flaws we didn’t notice before. But we want that back - we want the feeling that we had watching the show when we were little. We want that wonder, that newness, that full heart about how GOOD and wholesome Usagi is, we want the miracle romance, we want our favorite characters but how they grew with us in our heads.

And well, there IS a place where we can find this fix of what it felt like. And it’s preserved in a treasure box of fanfiction. Of people who write these characters as they might be today, of people who take their essence and make it new.

So, this list is filled with tons of fics that tried to re-create canon with that affectionate, nostalgic feeling. I specifically for this list chose fics that dealt with canon themes - either through fix-it fics that took specific episodes and put their own spin to it, or to spins on canon, the what ifs - what if this specific choice weren’t made, what if the break up arc didn’t end, what if we took this plot point and spun it somewhere new, playing with the things we vaguely remember to have loved so dearly. (Though, of course, the world of Alternative Universes and Non-Senshi fics is vast, and if you are looking for a fix of that, please check out @uglygreenjacket ‘s elaborate worlds and @queenrisa14 fantastic AU spins out especially for this purpose!)

(Take note that these stories prominently feature stories revolving Usagi and Mamoru and the Miracle Romance, since that is my absolute jam. (Though it didn’t even used to be my most favorite part of the story growing up!) And some categories feature more stories by the same authors (for instance those that just like to dabble in What Ifs  - a not all TOO common trope, though I hope it were!))

So, let me transport you back into your childhood:

What If’s:

Forget Me Not by Antigone2 What if, post-stars, Usagi was suddenly the one to forget Mamoru for once, and he had to try really hard to make a new good first impression? This plays off all my buttons, and @idesofnovember is a master of making you remember the small details of these dorks that were so special.

What If by Antigone2 Canon had the habit of making Mamoru forget his memories, and @idesofnovember is a master of taking this trope and making it better. Here, Usagi wonders if Mamoru would have ever dated her if it weren’t for their history, and Setsuna, fed up, makes it happen.

Desperate and Divine by Antigone2 (Rated M) This story will always have a giant place in my heart: What If Mamoru never remembered after Beryl’s defeat, and Usagi was trying to get that one special night of closure. This had such an impact on me, reminding me how much I loved these characters, that it caused me to start writing fanfiction once more.

Royal Pain and Similes by Antigone2 What If the Senshi had found out Usagi is Serenity, but never that Mamoru is Endymion in this spectacular pinefest that will make your heart bleed.

Coming Of Age by Kasienda What if the R story arc surrounding Chibi-Usa was a little more sensical, a little more tragic, a little more realistic? This kid shows up in front of Mamoru’s door, Sailor Pluto informing him she’s from a great war in the future and him being the only one of age, he is now her legal guardian. Watch Mamoru and Usagi becoming parents to a war-traumatized Chibi-Usa, and all the struggles with it.

The Reveal by Kasienda This is a series of unconnected fics set in first season primarly and beyond, and it reinvents that crucial moment where the superhero personas of our favorite characters are revealed over and over and over again, because that moment can never be special and new enough.

A Craving for Milkshakes by Kasienda What if during first season, a monster-of-the-week had caused Tuxedo Mask and Sailor Moon to be telepathically linked? Watch how it would progressively have changed their dynamic in this endearing, sweet story!

Wring My Emotions and interpret canon anew:

Six Birthdays by Kiyoshi Dot This Fic reads like a poem, and it runs your through the ups and downs of the Miracle Romance via gifts Usagi receives forher birthday through the years, and it has the feeling of the Manga written all over it.

Aisuru, Mamo-chan by ellephedre Post-stars, Mamoru receives a package from Harvard. In it are all the letters Usagi wrote to him while he was dead during Stars. And yes, this read is as painful and therapeutic as you imagine it is.

Song for a scribbled out name by Antigone2 Centered in the first season during the anime’s Evil!Endymion arc, this little story teases you with what might have become of this enticing little nugget of piney, deliciously angsty plot!

The Odds Considered by Kiyoshi Dot Takes you through the secret romance of Usagi and Mamoru in the first season in this hauntingly beautiful way of forming words, and made me hurt in the way I always wanted the manga to hurt me.

Resiliency is My Mask by MamaLadyKT This is an episode fix surrounding the time Usagi was nearly suffocated by a monster-of-the-week in the infamous Saori-episode, and Mamoru cares a LOT about it.

Feel Good Little Moments with these characters as we remember them:

Je t’aime by Antigone2 A snapshot moment where Usagi uses the disguise pen to sneak into a university event of Mamoru’s and takes him for a little test. This little story feels so delightfully, essentially THEM in the way they behaved during later seasons of the anime that it makes my chest feel light and happy!

Day Of Delinquency by UglyGreenJacket A snippet of a moment that captures the humor of the series as my heart remembers it, in which Haruka takes Usagi on a joy ride, Usagi lands them in jail, and Mamoru and Michiri have to bail them out.

Distractions by Antigone2 follows Mamoru unsuccessfully trying to help Usagi study and it feels like home.

The Untouchable King in the Day and Night Lacunae Series by Tina Century What if we let @tinacentury show King Endymion the Sailor Moon Crystal series? This is exactly as delightful as it sounds.

A Romance For The Small Things by amomo Newest on this list, @spider-momo wrote these fall-themed snippets of Senshi interactions in the way that feel so painfully right and homey and warm they are bound to make you ache to re-acquaint yourself with these old friends of yours.

Public Eye by Antigone2 Canon never gave us a terrible lot of interaction between Usagi and Tuxedo Mask or Mamoru and Sailor Moon. This is a cheeky and delightful little ficlet about Mamoru having to pretend he has No Relations Going On With This Superheroine.

Rainbow by Kasienda I’m pretty sure I put this fic on every fic rec list I ever wrote, but @kasienda encapsulated everything I love about Mamoru and Usagi’s dynamic in the first season of the anime and made my heart ache in its simplistic beauty.

The Space Between by Uglygreenjacket This series of ficlets explores the space between R and S and gives you that sweet feeling of Usagi and Mamoru tender baby love as we were used to in S!

A Week With Mamoru Chiba by Dreams In Pink This fic takes us through a series of Mamoru-centered mini-stories in a mostly first season second that feel so delightfully warm and funny it will warm your heart.

Flower Power By irritable-vowel-types Do you miss the absolute ridiculousness that were these show’s monster-of-the-week, or Tuxedo Mask’s outrageous speeches? This fic is a crackfic, and yet it somehow manages to feel EXACTLY as ridiculous and not a tad more than those original canon monsters.

All’s Fun With Love and Orbs by irritable-vowel-types This is set in Super-S, and reads like an episode as it should have been. What if one of the Amazon Quartett’s shenanigans was to flip all love into hate for one delightfully hilarious read?

The Thing About Your Transformation by AngelMoon Girl Delightfully funny, this little ficlet explores the fact that Mamoru can’t quite deal with the fact that for a short moment before every battle, Usagi may be all glitter, but she’s also briefly naked as she transforms.

Shall We Dance by ncisduckie A snippet in time and a secret relationship as Serenity and Endymion share a bittersweet dance.

And, if you still want more, I wrote my own canon spins, too. Most notably, the Ikigai and Yugen duo (Rated M), in which I tried to hand-pick everything I loved about the Sailor Moon story, manga and anime and all, of all the seasons, and tried to reinvent it in a way that felt contemporary and told one consecutive narrative within the anime setting. And in contrast to that for the manga meets anime setting, my story Priorities (Rated M) tried to encapsulate what the feeling of reading the Manga for the first time felt like to me, but now with a very adult and mature and heart-aching spin to it.

This list I gave you is non-exhaustive. There are many, many more where they come from. And if you need a fix of Sailor Moon nostalgia, they are waiting for you. Have FUN!

(And if you liked any of them, please consider leaving the author a review, so they will keep motivated to supply us with such beautiful, free, nostalgic treasures!)

[ladykeane]

Bertie and Reg dress up for Halloween at Dahlia's!! and the party!!!

To the lovely Nonny who sent this, I profusely apologise if you’re not the massive weeb/animation geek that I am. But this idea stuck, and I couldn’t help myself!

Fair warning, it’s quite silly, most definitely cracky, and completely self indulgent…

There was a lesson given to me by my drama teacher at school, Mrs Irving, that has always stayed with me. The gist of her teaching was that a good actor must have a sort of dual consciousness. I suppose what she meant was that a chap should have the power to transform his mindset into that of the character he plays - and then just as easily slip back into his usual mental space, once the curtain falls. There must co-exist a Bertie-the-Wooster and Bertie-the-Prince-Hal within a single animal. Well, I suppose I have put this lesson to good use in my adult life, as I can attest that Bertie-the-Drone, Bertie-the-obedient-nephew and Bertie-the-seducer-of-certain-Jeeveses manage to be conjured at the drop of a whatsit.

A particularly surprising example of this dual consciousness wheeze occurred just recently, on the night of Aunt Dahlia’s annual Halloween bash. I suppose the lifted veil to the spirit world aided this shift of the Wooster disposish. (Well, the costume probably helped too, not to mention my dear auntie’s insistence that her party guests never drop out of character for the whole of the evening. That can make certain things a tad awkward, such as bathroom ablutions. One must ask: does Superman use the lavatory at all?)

I was given the scoop on the event by my ancestor over the phone, as I sat digesting a fourth-or-fifth slice of Reg’s birthday cake. (This year he had requested a Black Forest, and I have to say that I outdid myself. The leftover kirsch was also a boon.)

‘Super-groups?’ I asked. ‘You mean like the Travelling Wilburys?’‘No, young clot, I mean super-groups like the Avengers, Justice League, and their lycra-clad ilk. The group with the best costumes and most convincing delivery will receive a prize from your Uncle Tom and myself.’‘Ooh! And what is that?’‘For one, a cooking lesson with Anatole. Apparently he owed Reg a favour, and your man generously donated said favour to me.’I glanced an appreciative glance at my beloved, who sat perusing the W.H. Auden anthology I had given him.‘Secondly, a near-pristine Nintendo Gamecube, complete with controllers and a collection of best-selling game cartridges.’‘You mean the one you confiscated from Angela and myself? I still think that was an unfair punishment.’‘I say, it was entirely fair! Do you forget that I got stuck with the bill to clean your old headmaster’s office!? I am told that the stench of baked beans can still be detected throughout the school halls, to this very day! Anyway, I would advise you to get cracking. The competition will be stiff, I hear Angela’s little friends have been working on their costumes since August. Perhaps you and Reg could go as Batman and Robin!’‘Perhaps, auntie.’‘Well, pip-pip then. I’ve got many a fake tombstone and skeleton to haul down from the attic.’

As I hung up, Reg raised his head from his book. ‘I believe Mrs Travers has briefed you on this year’s Halloween festivities?’‘Indeed. She’s never offered a prize for the guests before. They’re real plums, at that. I reckon it would be well worth the splurge to get some first-rate togs.’‘May I ask what this year’s theme is?’‘Super-groups. By which I mean, groups of superheroes. She suggested we go as Batman and Robin! We’re already quite the dynamic duo, anyway. What d’you think?’

As I uttered these words, the Jeevesian brow began sinking south, until the look on his face chilled the lukewarm cup of tea sitting at my elbow.‘I should say not, Bertram.’‘Oh. Well… what about Danger Mouse and Penfold? You could be DM, of course.’‘I regret that I shall be unable to attend this year’s festivities. I have much to do to complete the Earl of Rowcester’s living will.’

Of all the paper-thin excuses! ‘Oh, don’t give me that Reg! What is it? You don’t care to be in the same room as all that brightly-coloured spandex? You fared just fine at last year’s “Stranger Things” soiree, and we were surrounded by a multitude of eighties fashion, at that!’(He made quite the dashing Steve Harrington, actually. Aunt Dahlia cast this Bertram as Dustin, so while I was able to tag after him all night there was an unfortunate dearth of snogging.)‘I am afraid I must insist. I do not care to be dressed in the bright, garish apparel that is requisite of superheroes.’

Given that it was the lowly rotter’s birthday, I held on to the flames that should have escaped from my nostrils. ‘Oh, very well, Reg. Have it your way.’ To ensure that none of my internal invective against him slipped past the Wooster lips, I left the flat for a sullen trudge about Mayfair.

***

That very evening, Bingo Little summoned self and several other Drones to dinner. He was in town with his husband Randy, to look for a property where they could spend their Winters. While the reports given indicated that all was spiffy within their NYC townhouse, Randy wanted to ensure that his paramour did not lose touch with his British roots. And I think I remembered him saying that his next novel was to be set in South Kensington, inspired by the likes of Richard Curtis and Hugh Grant. All rather convenient, no?

‘That Gamecube and cooking lesson with Anatole is as good as ours, lads. I have the perfect idea for our super-group.’ Here Bingo took a long sip of tea, leaving us in a state of eye-boggling suspense.‘Christ and his disciples?’ suggested Stinker.‘The Bloomsbury Group?’ queried Boko.‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?’ asked Gussie.

‘Better,’ Bingo finally replied, a rivulet of tea dribbling down his chin. ‘Do you know “Sailor Moon”?’

‘Sparkly schoolgirl with the pigtails? Yes, I recall watching the English language version with Angela sometimes. Quite a cheesy romp, that.’‘Oh, you ought to read the original manga ,’ said Boko. ‘A perfect blend of costumed superhero action and romantic high fantasy!’

For the next half hour, we were subject to Boko and Bingo giving us a full synopsis of the dratted space opera, complete with character studies, mythological references, and feminist overtones. Now, I have known my fellow Drones to sometimes possess hidden depths, but I was unsure whether this encyclopedic grasp of a Japanese super-girl-group was more of a mild pathology instead.

‘So,’ Bingo announced, ‘I believe I’ve figured out the perfect casting for each of us. I shall be Sailor Venus, of course, the soldier of love. Randy does call me his golden love god, after all.’ (Pause here for requisite retching.) ‘Gussie can be Sailor Mercury, given his general… wateriness. Boko’s love of house plants is perfect for Sailor Jupiter. And due to his spiritual calling, Stinker will be Sailor Mars, the shrine-maiden.’

I was trying to picture each of my chums kitted out in a colour coded schoolgirl costume. Perhaps we would score points for comedic effect, if nothing else.‘And what about me?’ I asked.‘Well, you’ll be our Sailor Moon, naturally.’‘Golly! I must say, Bingo, I’m quite chuffed to be given the starring role. I assume that it’s due to my former experience with drag, not to mention my theatrical prowess and general heroic gravitas.’‘Well… I suppose. It’s also because Sailor Moon is supposed to be a ditzy blonde crybaby.’‘Ah.’The judicious nods that the others gave were a tad insulting.

‘Does this mean that I’ll have to wax? ’ asked Gussie.

***

Now, if you’ve ever seen the much-celebrated cartoon, you’ll know that one of the highlights of every episode is the spangly transformation sequences, where each heroine morphs from humdrum schoolgirl into celestial warrioress. Our first go at donning the famous fuku was much less glamorous.

Boko knew a chap who knew a lass who worked at a highly-regarded fancy dress company. Apparently, many a masquerade-goer and cosplayer has raved about their beautifully crafted goods. As we trundled our way out their HQ on the tube, we were all in high hopes of scoring the perfect outfits. As it happens, the fitting session that followed made me appreciate just how inadequate the standard sizing of womens’ apparel really is.

Bingo and I had the best luck, but the costumes closest to fitting us were narrow in the shoulders and wide in the hips. Gussie managed to squeeze into one of the larger sizes, but resembled more of a wrinkly chicken sausage than a cute superheroine. (The skirt was appallingly short on him, and when he bent over to grab his phone from his bag I was quite traumatised.) Stinker, who is built akin to a silverback gorilla, utterly utterly destroyed the costume he attempted to yank on. I offered to foot the bill for that one, as a vicar’s salary can only cover so many breakages per month.

‘It’s no good, boys,’ sighed the seamstress who had patiently assisted us, ‘you’ll need to get these custom-made.’‘And how long will that take?’ asked Bingo.She put on a brave face. ‘I’ll do my best to get them ready for Halloween, but bear in mind I’ve already got a backlog of orders to finish.’‘Chin up!’ I replied. ‘I can probably ask a favour of the drag queen who did my costuming for “Legally Blonde” - Reg cut her a sweet deal with a new agent at the time. I’ll ask if she can source the shoes and wigs and things.’

A level of relief washed on to the girl’s face at this. I’d feel the same, if I were freed from the task of cobbling a pair of Stinker Pinker-sized red pumps.‘Even so, we’ll be cutting it close with this order. I doubt I’ll be done before the morning of the 31st.’‘Send me the bill for your energy drinks,’ I offered.‘It’s a deal.’

***

Time ticked on, and All Hallows Eve drew near. While I did my best not to harbour any full-on wrath against Reg at his blowing-off of the party, I couldn’t help but act a tad pipped towards him. Were lurid leotards and shiny accessories really so horrid?When he snuggled close to me on the sofa, I scooched away. When he dropped a kiss upon my map, my only response was tight-lipped disinterest. The blighter refused to compromise, so wherefore should this Wooster succumb to his entreaties? I took a lot of cold showers that week.

The big day came, and still nary a costume was yet received.‘5pm, she said,’ Boko told me, ‘and we’ll have to go and pick them up ourselves.’‘Hm, that is cutting it close. Well, bear up, old fruits! Leather Smalls will be along this arvo to do our make-up and hair.’‘Leather Smalls?’‘Didn’t I tell you? She’s part of an all-drag M People tribute act.’

If I can impart to you the experience of tubing it across suburban London in a long blonde, pigtailed wig, a full face of makeup, and masculine civvies, accompanied by four other similarly styled blokes, you probably wouldn’t doubt my claim that it was one of the more surreal experiences in my life. Halloween is not quite the big deal here that it is across the pond, so we got quite the share of wolf whistles, disapproving auntly glares, and ‘yaaaas, queen’s from our fellow travellers.

At last, at last, we arrived at Brinkley Court, freshly finished costumes in hand. The coloured lights, costumed crowd, and strains of ‘Monster Mash’ from within indicated a party already in full swing.As we entered the front door, I grabbed for the first bowl of sweets I could find, given my lowered blood sugar.‘That’s it!? Gawd, Bertie, you could have at least made an effort!’

Angela had grabbed one of the sweets from my hand and popped it in her mouth. I wasn’t quite sure who she was supposed to be, but her costume was really quite the thing.She was caked head-to-toe in light purple body paint, with a long wig in a paler shade of the same colour. A brilliant gem was affixed to her chest, and she wielded a long double-headed whip. I did not feel inclined to backtalk her.‘So who’ve you come as?’‘One of the Crystal Gems, obvs. Anyway, you need to go easy on those. Mum says that some neighbourhood bullies have been stealing sweets from the trick-or-treating kids, and she’s promised to recompense them.’‘What!?’My blood was now boiling - what lowly cad felt the need to scam helpless rugrats out of their jelly babies and smarties?

‘Oh, it’s awful,’ said Aunt Dahlia, swiping the remaining sweets from my hand and depositing them back in their bag. ‘I just saw Captain America crying his poor little eyes out, being comforted by Bucky Barnes. A whole evening’s worth of trick-or-treating swag, stolen from them by three nasty teenagers!’‘She means Thos and Edwin,’ Angela translated.‘What teenagers?’ asked Stinker.‘Some of the nastier upperclassmen from Eton, apparently. Captain America tells me that they have a reputation for bullying even the house masters and head teachers. Great brutes.’‘Rum,’ I said. ‘But, Aunt Dahlia-’‘Who?’I took in my auntie’s costume.‘But, Catwoman, hasn’t anyone tried to pull them up for it?’‘They’ve been too wily. I was told that they also egged the Emsworths’ place, running off onto Ham Common before anyone could catch them.’‘Travesty!’ cried Boko. ‘They can’t get away with this!’‘Too right!’ I said.‘Well? You lot are supposed to be the Sailor Senshi, aren’t you? You fight for love and justice, yes?’‘Er…?’‘You must transform, and thwart the damned villains!’

The Drones and I shared a look askance. ‘Um.’‘May I remind you, Sailor Moon, of the video games and French cuisine that are up for grabs for the group who best embodies their chosen superheroes?’‘Right ho. Moon Prism Power Make Up, then!’

***

We stampeded upstairs, bottlenecking on the landing, and Stinker stumbled noisily upon the top step. Into my old bedroom, and our everyday trappings were cast off in favour of our splendid, sparkly sailor ensembles.It was a bit of a muddle - the others needed help donning their padded brassieres, not to mention adjusting their skirts to preserve modesty. But after a few fumbling minutes, we were ready to go, as resplendent a team of magical girls as Brinkley Court had ever seen.

I allowed myself an indulgent linger before the full-length mirror. I really did look cute. The big pink bow was quite flattering to my proportions, and the blue skirt and collar set off my eyes nicely.‘Come on, Sailor Moon! We’ve got a contest to win!’With a flick of my pigtails, I was off.

Bursting out of Brinkley’s front door again, we charged into the gloaming. The place looks directly out over Ham Common, and on the great stretch of lawn, it did not take us long to spot the perps.

A juvenile, quivering Wallace and Gromit were surrounded by three of the largest, most grotesque teenage boys that I’d ever beheld. Though a good decade younger than myself, they looked to be twice my height and about four times my body weight. Most ghastly of all were their choices of costume: the ringleader was dressed as Pennywise the Clown, with his two lieutenants cast as Thanos and a zombie version of Napoleon Dynamite. I admit that the hint of rotten green brain showing through his blonde afro was an impressive use of make-up, but it did turn my stomach a tad.

Just before they could rip the trick-or-treat bags from the youngsters, I put a solid, heeled boot forward.‘Leave those beloved icons of childrens’ entertainment alone!’‘Hurrr,’ slurred Thanos, ‘check out the anime drag queens.’‘Wanna come party with us, girls?’ said Pennywise. ‘We got heaps of sweeties for the sweeties!’I puffed out my padded chest. ‘Never! I stand for love and justice! And… by the Code of the Woosters, I shall punish you!’

And so it began. We swooped upon them. Wallace and Gromit scarpered, and we were met with a barrage of large humbugs. When thrown with enough velocity, those things can leave a bruise.

Behind me, Gussie boldly came up bearing a large garden hose. He turned the nozzle on the head, but instead of dousing the monsters, the force of the spray was a bit too much for him, and he clung on for dear life as the hose thrashed about in his arms. He quickly went down in a self-inflicted mud puddle.

Stinker managed to plant a shiner of a right hook on Thanos. The brute staggered away, doubled over in pain. He threw off his plastic infinity gauntlet, upon which Stinker tripped magnificently, going pumps over skirt into the turf as well.

Boko fearlessly leapt upon Napoleon’s back, wrapping his noodly arms about an equally noodly neck. Napoleon bucked about like a bronco with a bad itch. Boko did his best to hang on, but the slippery satin gloves ultimately betrayed him, and the poor soul was flung off into a nearby rose bush.

The three monsters continued running from us. It was just me and Bingo now. We exchanged a silent glance of Sailor Senshi solidarity, as we pursued them towards a clump of oak trees.With a well aimed stomp, Bingo got Pennywise right in the oversized foot, with the heel of his pump. However, before I could back him up, the two lieutenants grabbed my chum and snatched his wig by its red ribbon, hurling it up into the branches of one of the trees.‘NOT MY VENUS WIG!’Abandoning the skirmish, Bingo pathetically began clambering up the branches to try and retrieve the thing. (I mean, it was a nice wig. And if it came back damaged, I would be owing Leather Smalls big time.)

And so, the beasts turned their attention to me. Three cruel grins bore down upon me like vultures on a dying wildebeeste. They looked like they could easily pummel me into a boneless mush, and not even feel it the next day. I’m not too proud to admit that I quivered in my heeled boots.‘What was that about punishing us, sweetie?’‘Let’s hang her from the branches by those stupid pigtails!’‘Yeah! And then we’ll-’

All of a sudden, something sleek and sharp came whistling through the night air. It popped Pennywise’s balloon, and struck Thanos right between the cheeks of his ample bum.‘Ow!’‘What the…’It was a fine, thin blade, attached to a deep red rose.

The four of us whipped our heads towards the source of the floral projectile. Imagine my total astonishment to perceive, perched upon a high stone wall before the radiant moon, none other than Tuxedo Mask. Gosh, he was splendid, with his billowing black cape and aura of general rakishness.‘How dare you blackguards steal from innocent children and assault these brave soldiers. Sailor Moon, I know you can defeat them.’‘But how, dash it!?’

He tossed me a bright pink plastic object. It took me a moment to discern that it was an external hard drive. It bore a little decal of one of those colourful cartoon pony characters.I looked back at the monsters, to find Pennywise agog.‘Wh… WHERE DID YOU GET THAT!?’‘Uhm…’‘Dude… is that what I think it is?’ said Napoleon.‘GIVE IT BACK!’ cried Pennywise.

Tuxedo Mask and I shared a single silent, meaningful glance, and I dropped the thing to the grass, raising my heeled boot above it, primed to smash.‘Well… I might, if you agree to apologise to every last child you terrorised, AND return their sweeties.’‘But we already ate some,’ said Thanos.‘Alright… maybe just give them a few quid, in that case. AND you’ll be cleaning the egg off Mrs Emsworth’s front stoop.’‘Anything, ANYTHING!’ begged Pennywise. ‘Please just give me back my-’‘NIGEL!!!’

A robust, sour-faced Jean Grey was stomping across the grass, her fiery gaze fixed on Pennywise.‘You have a lot of explaining to do, young man!’‘But Mum-’‘I should confiscate your little pony stories this instant!’‘No! Please…’‘Instead, you will do exactly as Sailor Moon says, and apologise to all the people whose Halloween you have ruined! You too, Cyril, Edgar! Don’t think I won’t be telling your mothers what you’ve done!’

The clown was dragged off by his ear to begin his penance, but not before he could snatch up his pink hard drive. Now that the leader had fallen, his two henchmen slunk along in his wake.

The Sailor Senshi had regrouped, and Angela, Thos, and Edwin (sorry, Amethyst, Captain America, and Bucky) had also dashed up to join us.‘You know who that was?’ said Angela, ‘Little Nigel Belfry. I went to St George’s with his big sister Diedre. Rotten little punk. One of the worst trolls in the online “My Little Pony” fandom too.’‘He bullies us all the time,’ said Thos.‘Well, dangle the name “Eulalie” in front of him. That’s his username on all the major MLP forums. Not sure he’d like that info getting out at Eton.’ Here she thumped me on the back. ‘Well done, Sailor Moon, you gave him the punishment that he sorely needed.’‘Oh, but I couldn’t have done it without…’I turned towards the stone wall. Of course, Tuxedo Mask had already biffed off. Probably to go hunt down the Silver Imperium Crystal or something.

***

Now that the drama had wound down, we finally had a chance to mingle. I got to take in the costumes of Angela’s group: Honoria was some sort of giant magenta woman with sunglasses and boxing gloves; Florence looked lovely and delicate in a gossamer tutu, and gleefully swung about a rather frightening spear; while Madeline was surprisingly dressed in drag - some charming little chap by the name of Steven, I think. The craftwork of their outfits was simply matchless, and they were clearly the ones to beat for the contest.

After Time-Warping and Thriller-ing and Caramelldansen-ing the night away, as well as quaffing some questionable looking cocktails with names like Chemical X and Radioactive Sludge, it was time to announce the winners of the costume competition.Uncle Tom (sorry, the 4th Doctor) killed the music, and tapped a fork against his glass of Chemical X to call for silence.Dahlia-or-Catwoman hopped up on the coffee table, to better survey the throng. ‘The door prize goes to Winnie the Pooh, who clearly misunderstood the assignment.’Spode-the-Pooh shuffled up to grab his bag of humbugs, and Madeline-or-Steven applauded wildly.

‘The runners-up are Wario and Waluigi, who regrettably stayed true to their despicable characters all evening!’Claude and Eustace collected their swag of Quality Street and Jack Daniels, fighting over who would get to carry them.

Angela and I exchanged a tense side eye. Could one of us really have been left out?

‘And the first prize… is a joint win, between the Crystal Gems and the Sailor Senshi! Come on down, ladies!’Well, everyone pooh-poohs nepotism until they benefit from it. Angela and I joined hands, and led our respective groups to their shared moment of glory. (And after a little bartering, we agreed to let the girls take the cooking lesson, while we scored the Gamecube. I know that Angela has long been an avid fan of Anatole’s show ‘Cuisine Inferno’.)

***

After a little more merrymaking, the music changed from novelty festive monster songs to the cheesy fodder of slow dancing. As couples began to pair off and pitch woo, a thought occurred to me: where the devil had Tuxedo Mask gone?

At the very least, I wished to thank the fellow. It was anyone’s guess as to how he had picked up on Nigel-or-Pennywise’s little secret, but he had truly been my saviour.

I squeezed through the waves of slow dancers, trying to keep my eyes peeled for a top hat or a black cape. Alas, the only capes I could spy were of bright and garish hues.

I escaped to the quiet of Brinkley’s large, rambling back yard, in the hopes of getting a little air. As I ankled along the gravelled drive in my heeled boots, I couldn’t help but let a little melancholy sink in. Despite my search for Tuxedo Mask, I well knew who I really wanted to spend this night with.I reached the fountain, ornamented by Aunt Dahlia’s favoured statue of Artemis, and plonked my sorry self down upon its edge.‘Sailor Moon… we meet again.’

He emerged from behind the shadow of the trees, and I leapt right up.‘Tuxedo Mask! Ah… I really did want to thank you for your help back there. Awful solid of you, old chap.’

He did not come closer. ‘You are most welcome. I had been charged with organising the family affairs of the Earl of Rowcester. I encountered his youngest son, who proved to possess a most malicious and scheming temperament. I felt the temporary acquisition of the lad’s most prized digital information would prove a useful bargaining chip at some juncture.’‘And right you were, Tuxedo Mask! What a bally stroke of genius you…’

He stepped forward, and removed his eyemask.

‘Bertram, I am sorry that I was so intractable about tonight.’‘Oh… Good Lord… Reg, I hoped so dearly that it was you!’

I flew to his arms. And Angela, the sneaky brat, managed to get a good number of happy snaps of Sailor Bertie and Tuxedo Reg locked in a passionate embrace.

‘Reg?’‘Yes, my moonbeam?’‘Keep the cape.’

[tgunn64]

Favorite Villains - King K. Rool (Donkey Kong Country)

Even if Mario has far and away taken the status of the icon of Nintendo and perhaps even the medium of video games themselves, it’s hard to say if the real ice breaker was him or his ape adversary, Donkey Kong. The original Bowser in some ways, as simple as the dynamic was, I love how the mythos of Mario and Donkey Kong has weaved and molded in so many ways, weird as that sounds. This shift would really start with the inception of Rare’s Donkey Kong Country series, where the titular gorilla would take the starring role against his own nemesis; King K. Rool. Donkey Kong Country is quick to establish that the Donkey Kong we see isn’t the Donkey Kong that fought Mario in ye olde arcades. Though it’s sort of contested and confused among fans in an unclear manner, it’s widely accepted that the adversarious DK was the current DK’s grandfather, who has settled down as Cranky Kong. Just this little bit of myth goes a long way in selling the Kongo Islands as a whole new corner of the Mario universe, enough so that it’s easy forget they share a sun and moon, especially when there’s a villain as deadly as K. Rool to terrorize his own personal corner.

K. Rool’s plots aren’t overly elaborate; the conflict begins when Donkey Kong finds that all of his bananas have been stolen and he knows precisely who is to blame. As beyond one dimensional as this seems, there’s canon documentation that K. Rool has done this for the express purpose of damning the Kongs to starve. As vile as that is to pushing cartoony, I almost buy that a privileged monarch would just commit something so beyond cruel out of sheer spite, and I think that’s what drives K. Rool to be such an endearingly horrible bad guy. K. Rool pretty easily resembles just a Bowser lite in many degrees, a reptilian king with a penchant for entitlement and greed. I think it’s kind of cute that Donkey Kong Jr. (for all intents and purposes) has the very same sort of enemy that his once enemy Mario did. Along with that, the aesthetic similarities are about where K. Rool and Bowser end comparison, because while Bowser was all about possessing, K. Rool wants to destroy. The King of the Kremlings wants nothing to do with a princess or treasure (he even hates the taste of bananas), he’s fueled by pure spite, enough so that he’s built a massive laser capable of destroying the entire Kongo Isle.

And, yeah, applying this kind of allegory is pretty silly to apply to an anthropomorphic Nintendo character, but I think there’s absolutely something to be said about a gold jewelry clad king perched in a much nicer island and looking down upon an entire species he deems flea bitten and less worthy. Hell, at least Bowser is an equal opportunity employer with all kinds of Mushroom Kingdom monsters in his ranks, K. Rool seems to exclusively employ his reptilian Kremling people. What’s also rather fun about K. Rool is that he loves to reinvent and adapt himself, seemingly on his own whims for the fun of it. He’s straightforward King K. Rool in his first appearance, but in Country 2 he dons a pirate’s cap as Kaptain K. Rool, before wrapping himself in a lab coat to become Baron K. Roolenstein in Country 3. Donkey Kong 64 sees him fight the Kongs in the persona of a boxing glove toting prize fighter, Krusha K. Rool. Not only does it add a sort of neat cosplay element and variety to his character, it kinda speaks to his sense of entitlement. He’ll do what he wants to regardless of his circumstances, if he wants to be a pirate or a mad scientist, he’ll be one that day, damn it. No matter how good he actually is at whatever odd persona he wants to do about then he’s driven enough by the novelty to go about it.

What really kick started my newfound love for K. Rool though was his recent revival in Super Smash Brothers Ultimate. Such a glimpse may seem minor, but his reveal was so masterful and one of my favorite surprises I’ve seen in the lead up to a video game in a long while. We see Donkey Kong and Diddy watching a montage of the other Nintendo heroes with their respective villains while the Kongs look on wistfully, bored. K. Rool (after tearing through a fraudulent King Dedede) bursts in and the apes are indescribably shocked--I like to think this is an intentional nod to the decade long retirement K. Rool has recently experienced. Such a classic villain finally tears into Smash and not even his respective foes fully believe it. In reverse, if we peer at the Donkey Kong Country cartoon--which is terrible as an adaption of the charm of the video games but just hilarious as a nonsensical romp to shake your head at on an off day, even that had a pretty decent K. Rool. He isn’t as physically intimidating as he could be, but he’s about as greedy, fickle, and over the top as you’d really want. His voice actor, Benedict Campbell created a really fitting, sinister voice that sells every (often terrible) line he’s given.

Plus, K. Rool has more or less stepped up his game with his every appearence. After he was beaten by the duo of DK and Diddy, he actually suceeded in imprisoning Donkey Kong and forcing Diddy to go out with a new Kong, Dixie. After losing to them he kidnaps Diddy which makes Dixie pick up Kiddy Kong for help. He has a very divide and conquer approach, leading to him managing to lock up four of the five core Kong family members in DK64. This reptilian monarch is a fun platformer villain with gadgets and malice galore. What more could you ask for? Perhaps a theme song that totally SLAPS!

[unorthodoxsavvy]

Taggity-Tagged

Hey, so I was tagged by @look-alive-sunshine, also known as the person on here with the best url, also known as Robin, to do a generic ask post, no theme or anything, one of those, yeah, and, um, I’m going to do it.... yeah....

Name: Savanna

Nicknames: Savvy, Savvy the Savage, Lesbian Tree Bitch (@fandomoniumpandemonium ;)

Gender: Bitch

Zodiac: Li-bruh

Height: 5″ 1′

Sexuality: Bisexual Bitch

Hogwarts House: no get out I like labels but not these ones

Favorite Animal(s): Fuckin’ Butterflies m8 (and also cownose stingrays but yeah)

Average Hours of Sleep: Like 8-10

Current Time: 11:57pm but my thoughts are more 3am

Cats or Dogs: bOrk

Number of Blankets Slept With: 1, and one at the foot of my bed as like decoration

Dream Trip: New Orleans

Blog Made: November 2015 (a month after the worse decision of my life KIDDING BOYF I LOVE YOU)

Followers: 558 last I looked

Reason I Joined Tumblr: To talk to someone I met irl who I never spoke to ever on here and kind of don’t regret at all

URL Reason: It’s gonna be my YouTube channel bitches

But like also it’s from that “pick a word to describe yourself” assignment and obv. my nickname from one of my favorite books (at all my followers if you’ve never read Savvy what are you doing with your life)

                                                                                                            KY

Last Name You Heard That Wasn’t Yours: WHAT IS UP MY CRAN      CREW??!! IT’S ETHAN FROM CRANK GAME PLAYS AND TODAY wait what do you mean that’s not all one name

First Nightmare: Okay so this is weird... I was like in a world of blue, a blue field that never ended with a blue house and a blue moon (heh) in a blue sky, and I was always outrunning these criminals, and like I would have to hide on whatever side of the house they weren’t on, and sometimes they would chase me and I would loose them, and sometimes I could go on the roof, I don’t really remember ever going inside, it was just around and around and around and around the house.

Last Song You Looped: Heathens cover by Boston Manor

Do You Put Stickers On Your Laptop Or No: Yeah but I’m cheap so they’re super hero stickers from like Rite Aid and that I’ve gotten at the Doctor’s Office.

Fav Plant: A Quaking Aspen fun fact I wanted one really bad so for Christmas my mom got me one and we planted it and then no one cared for it so its probably dead now anyway

Candy Corn: Yay or Nay: NAY

Weirdest Picture Saved To Your Device: uhhhhh the one that came to mind instantly was from my phone and it’s my boyfriend in a cat head while his cousin makes a face in the background (maybe I’ll add it to this post, you never know)

Fav Blanket: I got a pretty sweet Deadpool blanket I bought with a matching bag and a fake banana on sale waiting in line to meet my favorite actor

ALL RIGHT SO THAT’S ALL FOR MY SH!T ANSWERS AND NOW IT’S TIME TO TAGGITY-TAG PEOPLE you’re literally all going to hate me after this aren’t you

Well I guess I should tag Emory since I dragged our relationship so there you go @ancient-hero consider yourself tagged, and also I’d like to tag @fandomoniumpandemonium because she decided to Officially Title Me lesbian tree bitch which I originally said as a joke but like true also I’ve been talking to her more lately and it’s been 10/10, also I’ll tag @wishes-and-stars cause like you just followed me so idk you like hey tell me about yourself but if you don’t want to ruin your amazing blog aesthetic with this no worries and @wolvesofash cause you’re a pretty swell blog and @be-ghostly because you’ve been all over my dash lately and it’s nice to see you there, and @definitelynotronnie and @justaweirdowithspooks to throw in the dynamic duo of Anti Icons, and last but not least let’s do @b-l-o-g-s, because why not congrats its your unlucky day.

In all seriousness though guys no pressure to do this at all just have a nice day

[normal-thoughts-official]

Why Joe and Nicky deserve to win the sun and moon showdown, and if they don't I'll end up in the INTERPOL Most Wanted list

A not at all dramatic essay

(This is the plain text version. To see the version with bold, italics, hyperlinks, and big text, click here)

1. Not only do they canonically use moon imagery to refer to each other, but their context adds new symbolism to that metaphor that other duos don't have

If you haven't seen TOG and aren't familiar with the van speech, well, I recommend that you do, but I'll transcribe it for your convenience:

"He's not my 'boyfriend'. This man is more to me than you can dream. He's the moon when I'm lost in darkness and warmth when I shiver in cold. And his kiss still thrills me even after a millennium. His heart overflows with the kindness of which this world is not worthy of. I love this man beyond measure and reason, he's not my 'boyfriend'. He's all and he's more"

Yeah, pretty long way of saying "actually we're husbands", but let's focus on the "he's the moon when I'm lost in darkness" bit. That bit alone is already insanely romantic and enough to make us fans go rabid with this tournament, but there is an extra layer of romanticism to it, because Mr Yusuf al-Kaysani (aka Joe) is Muslim, and in Islam, the moon represents the guidance of Allah through life, the calendar is based on the moon cycles, and the brightness of the moon is compared to both the face of the Prophet Muhammad and the first batch of souls to enter Paradise. Therefore, the moon, in Joe's culture, is intrinsecally linked with the divine, guidance, holiness, and time

So, when Joe compares Nicky to the moon, he's not only saying that he brings light into a dark world; he is saying that he is the very guiding light that leads him to a blessed life, that he is the foundation through which the world and time can be understood, and that his beauty and holiness is comparable to that of the souls of Heaven themselves

Which is all already enough for me to bite through wood, but the specific relationship between the moon and the understanding of time in Joe's culture is also particularly meaningful for Joe and Nicky, because Joe and Nicky are two of the 5 people who are immortal in the entire world. And one of the core themes of the movie is how that sense of timelessness leads them to isolation, and a constant state of loss. There is a deep melancholy that permeates their entire existence due to the fact that time as we know it no longer makes sense to them, and they live outside of it, skirting around eras and history. So, by comparing Nicky to the very body that marked the passage of time for Joe, he is saying that Nicky is what helps him make sense of the impossible, that he is the constant in Joe's eternity, that he brings meaning to their confusing and sometimes alienating existence

But wait! There's more!

Because Joe and Nicky met in al-Quds (also known as Jerusalem) in the year 493 AH (also known as 1099 CE in the Gregorian Calendar) and had to travel together across the desert for a long time, which means that, for the first few years of their life together, they were in fact relying on the moon to guide them in their path. So they both have a deep intrinsic understanding of how the moon is a compass, the most reliable thing in uncertainty. And the moon has been guiding their steps, their relationship, since their paths were first joined. And they weren't separated since

Like. Listen, I'm sure Star Trek is great and its fans are lovely, and I salute the Star Trek fandom for everything it did for fandom history in general, but you cannot tell me that Spirk has this much baggage associated with the sunmoon symbolism. It just doesn't. If this were a hand touching tournament, no one would have as much symbolism linked to it than y'all, but when it comes to being the sun and moon, no one is doing it like Joe and Nicky

2. The most appealing aspect of the SunMoon dynamic is how they need to defeat all odds to be with each other, and Joe and Nicky have that in spades

"Oh I don't think that's the most ap-" IRRELEVANT. I'll talk about the other ones too. Just keep reading, okay? /joking

As you might know, Joe and Nicky met on opposite sides of a battlefield. They killed each other. (Many times). And what happened then?

They ressurrected and became immortal. That alone is already impossible, but it gets better - even for the rules of immortality in their universe, Joe and Nicky are still an impossibility that has never happened before or since

Because in The Old Guard, immortality is extremely rare. There have only ever been 7 immortals in the entire history of humanity. There are usually several millennia between the appearance of one immortal and the next one. Other than them, the shortest time gap between one immortal appearing and the next was 800 years. But Joe and Nicky became immortal at the same time, on the same day. Their very existence bends the rules of an universe that already bends the rules of the universe they lived in beforehand anyway. Joe and Nicky being together defies the very fabric of time, and if that isn't some sun and moon shit, I don't know what is

But it's not just some destiny shit either. Joe and Nicky were also not supposed to be together by other standards. For starters, they were on opposite sides of a war. Nicky was a fucking priest, and he joined the goddamn actual honest to god crusades. He was hateful and ignorant and awful, and when he chose Joe, he left behind everything he knew before him. All his certainties, his beliefs, his faith, his family, everything he had ever been taught. I'm also gonna go ahead and say that that ties into the whole "the sun is what makes the moon shine" metaphor - because everything that defines Nicky as he is now is the direct result of how meeting Joe changed him

And listen, listen to me. I'm not saying that he stopped being a bigot for Joe, because if he did, I doubt Joe would want him. He did it because it was the right thing to do, and he was wrong and ignorant and indoctrinated by the church. But he still had to make the choice to turn his back to all that, and that plain and simply would not have happened if he hadn't met Joe. It was Nicky's own effort, but meeting Joe was the catalyst

Joe, similarly, had to overcome a lifetime's worth of (well earned) resentment and hatred for what Nicky did. Joe forgiving Nicky at all is already nearly an impossibility (and he would be well within his right to never do that), but he didn't just forgive Nicky, he fell in love with him. And he chose him, well aware of how bloody and terrible his past was, and despite the fact that there is no way he wasn't deeply conflicted about what he felt for Nicky after everything the Christians put him through. I cannot even begin to imagine how hard this process must have been for Joe, and it was one he didn't have to go through at all - which means that he chose to

And that's not even taking into account the very personal resentments between the two of them, because they weren't just on opposing armies, they literally and personally killed each other. Several times over. And yet, impossibly, against all logic, against everything they had ever felt and believed in prior to each other, against possibly their own desires, they fell in love. They fell in love and have been hopelessly devoted to each other every since

And THEN, on top of all that at the beginning of their relationship, they lived as an interracial, interfaith*, gay couple, through what were undoubtedly the worst times in humanity's history to be either of those things. For 900 years, they had to love each other in secret and with varying degrees of risk associated with ever being found out as a couple, or even with being associated with each other at all to begin with

(*It is debatable what their current relationship with their respective original faiths is, since it isn't mentioned in the movie. But even if both of them had turned their back on their religions, they are still culturally Christian and culturally Muslim, and that makes a difference. Personally, though, I don't think either of them turned their backs on their religions, although I do believe Nicky turned his back to the Catholic Church as an institution for obvious reasons)

That's not even counting all the incredibly traumatic shit that they went through ever since (which I won't mention in detail because it's spoilers and also this is long enough already) and that would definitely break a couple with a less unbreakable bond. Through centuries and centuries of pain and regret, they have chosen nothing and no one but each other, first and foremost, no matter what that meant.

Nicky even brings it up in the comics:

[ID: Joe and Nicky touching foreheads with their eyes closed. Nicky is holding Joe's chin and he says, "why is it so difficult, Joe? We've been afforded more time than any lovers I can name. And still, every moment we scrape together feels precious. Something always happens-" End ID]

(From the Tales Through Time one-shot series. I generally think the comics are meh and the movie is where it's at, but I do recommend reading this one. It is set before the movie happens so there are no spoilers)

There has never been a time where being together was easy, and yet, Joe and Nicky chose each other no matter what. They chose each other even when it meant being separated and getting only scraps of time together in secret. If that isn't some sun and moon shit, I don't know what is

3. They complement each other

And not in the dumb stereotypical "the sunshine one and the grumpy one" way either. For starters, Joe isn't bubbly, and Nicky isn't grumpy. No, they have two characteristics that I think represent the sun and moon way better than that anyway - Joe is an extremely intense person, and Nicky, an extremely cool headed one

Joe doesn't feel anything by halves, and despite the fact that he has lived through several lifetimes, it still seems as if everything he goes through is happening for the first time. Every time Nicky or another one of the family dies, Joe looks just as desperate as he would a millennium ago, despite the fact that he's had centuries to get used to the fact that they die and then come back to life. He's the only one who's that affected by it (obviously none of them enjoy seeing each other die, but the rest seem to have accepted to some degree that it's a part of their lives, or at least gotten used to it). He has experienced so many horrible things, yet he is still as affected and disgusted by it every time, going as far as lashing out sometimes. When he's angry, no one is able to hold him back from yelling at the person he's angry at (not even Nicky). Similarly, not even an actual van full of armed homophobic guards is able to stop him from simply dropping a passionate speech about how important Nicky is to him, complete with getting misty-eyed and kissing him at the end (and I'm not even bringing up the fact that both of them have their hands and their feet tied)

To me, that is the most sun-coded possible trait, because the sun is intense, hard to ignore, and quite literally burning. The intensity with which Joe feels also feels like it could burn, but it's also what makes him so warm and loving

Nicky is also a pretty intense person, but, unlike Joe, he is super cool headed about it. For starters, Nicky is a sniper; he is capable of staying still for hours at a time, observing, figuring out the best time to strike. That demands an amount of control over himself, his feelings, even his instincts, that is admirable. But he's not just like that on a mission; Nicky is very careful with what he says, when he speaks, what he lets other people see of him. His expressions are all subtle, contained, and even when he is in a state of murderous rage, he doesn't lash out. He doesn't lose control. The same way that the moon and the sun share their brightness, Joe and Nicky share their intensity, but Nicky is able to subdue it while Joe burns with it and lets that be his strength

Where Joe is expansive and wears his heart on his sleeve, Nicky is cautious and guarded. Where Joe gets lost in his own feelings and loses sight of what they need to do, Nicky keeps their heads straight and reminds him of what they need to do. Like the moon that guides one through the desert

They're different and complementary, but also intrinsecally tied to each other. They have the same spark where it matters, but present it in different, complementary ways. They are a part of each other, but they're also themselves first and foremost. That's what the sun and moon are all about

Sun and moon imagery has been the staple of the Joenicky fandom since day fucking 1, and for good reasons

VOTE JOE AND NICKY IN THE SUN AND MOON DUO SHOWDOWN

[comicteaparty]

December 9th-December 15th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from December 9th, 2019 to December 15th, 2019.  The chat focused on Thirteenth Child by Sergio Ragno.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Thirteenth Child by Sergio Ragno~! (http://thirteenthchild.net/ThirteenthChild/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PDT), so keep checking back for more! You have until December 15th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. What moment related to theme of vengeance and revenge did you like the most and why? Overall, what do you think we can learn from the characters and story about the role of vengeance and revenge in our lives?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 4. How much of what’s going on behind the scenes do you think Alicia Graves actually knows? Is she just someone’s pawn as others have suggested? Also, what will she do now with many of her enemy’s exposed?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What has been your favorite illustration in the comic so far? What specifically about it do you like?

QUESTION 6. What do you think Queen’s goals actually are, and how is she intending to achieve them? What do you think Queen will do now that the plague sample is out of her grasp? In other words, what’s her future role in the story?

RebelVampire

1) My favorite scene in the comic so far is probably when everything was going haywire at the gala event and everyone gets to the room to steal the sample but surprise, it's already gone. I just liked the delivery of the reveal of that in a lot of ways, since it was both fitting for Lisa while also just leading to a nice dramatic computer screen punch. Plus, given how much had gone wrong to that point, I was glad to see something go right for on Lisa's end. 2) The moment I liked the most in regards to the theme of vengeance was actually that moment where Lisa got recruited by Queen and she was just kind of sitting there like a grump. While not the most poignant moment regarding the theme persay, I did find it fitting in the retrospect. I feel this story and characters kind of promotes the idea that vengeance and revenge won't fill whatever empty void is inside you. So seeing Lisa in that initial kind of dead woman walking state I think really captured the essence of that, in that her path was not one that was ever going to make her happy.

3) My favorite character at the moment is definitely Darius. I love the sunglasses design for him. And I like that he has this strange mix of moral compass fixed on justice while at the same time being kind of smarmy. He's like the sort of "good guy" who you aren't actually sure you want to root for, until push comes to shove and you see he actually is kind of a stand-up guy. And I like that his character keeps you on edge like that. 4) Honestly, I don't think Alicia Graves knows jack of what's really going on. I'm not sure if I'd say she was a pawn, persay, as I don't think the people who do know everything actually have that strict of a control on her. However, she's definitely being used. So while I'm sure she has some idea about the Plague situation etc., I think she's not fully capable of understanding the origins or ramifications of what's going on around her through other people. Now that her enemies are clearer, though, I feel she will take steps to release herself from that used status. But that being said,, I kind of feel like she might go deeper on the villain side for a while, where she becomes really self-focused on getting what she wants, and then ya know, gets into trouble with everyone.

5) There's a lot of nice ones, but I'm a big fan of the middle panel on this page http://thirteenthchild.net/ThirteenthChild/index.php/comic/thirteenth-child-the-simulation/ I really love the machine design of the opponent. But what really sells the image for me is the bright blue moon(?) in the background. It adds a really nice pop of color that draws your eye in, and I think it creates a great contrast to create a sort of action-y mood at is were. 6) I think Queen's goal is kind of as she has said: she wants to destroy the current government. If I had to take a guess of what she's going to do, it's probably build an army strong enough to grab essential resources that will cripple the government until their demands are met. And then she'll probably eradicate the current system and potentially go for a more socialism route. As for what Queen will do now, she's definitely gonna hunt Ghost. I do not think Queen will take the events sitting down, and Queen seems like some super, super obsessed with revenge and like she's the type who will hold an eternal grudge. So Ghost is definitely gonna find herself hunted.

Alex_makes_comics

1) I am not super far into this comic yet, but so far I really enjoyed the shift from the action sequence at the beginning to the cool first day at work scene. It was nice to transition into stillness from motion. Likewise, I then like the introduction of all the new sassy friends. Basically, I think this comic does transitions really well, and I like the continual shifts in tone at the beginning.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Which characters do you enjoy seeing interact the most? What about their dynamic interests you?

QUESTION 8. What exactly is Mary/the Crimson Star? How did Mary come to be, especially given the information we have via the flashback? Will Mary return, and if so, what will the others do?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. What sorts of art or story details have you noticed in the way the comic is crafted that you think deserves attention?

QUESTION 10. What do you think the Order of the Plague will do now given the events of the most recent chapter? Can Lisa still trust them given Darius is intercepted by the CIA?

RebelVampire

7) I probably like seeing Plague/XIII and Lisa interact the most. They have a really interesting past history together despite not meeting in person until later. And I'm interested in how their similar but different views create conflict. Mostly, though, I think they make a very good duo who play off of each other really well. 8) I feel like the Crimson Star is some sort of AI machine that was created by Mary and was given her memories in a lot of ways. However, I think the process was flawed so it's basically a separate entity that just has Mary's motivational drives that compel it onward. Since I imagine this was maybe a failsafe measure given the sorts of experiments going on. We definitely have not seen the last of Mary, cause Mary seems to be a master class boss here. Granted, I imagine it'll take a while for Mary to get a new body.

9) I really like the story's attention to past details and how it brings them up later on. For example, the arcade cabinet that Lisa notices in one chapter actually hiding the secret entrance to a base. I really love callbacks like this since it works in comedy in ways that are actually relevant to the story. 10) I think the Order of the Plague is going to be kind of split in goals. I think half of them are going to try to find Plague and Lisa, since i don't feel either of them will be cooperating or making their intentions known. The other half I feel will be delving into the bigger boss villains territory with the CIA. Also no, Lisa should not trust them. The CIA is never good news. They are bad news bears, and at the end even if the Order doesn't mean it, the CIA is likely to stab everyone in the back.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 11. What do you think are this particular comic’s strengths? What do you think makes this comic unique? Please elaborate.

QUESTION 12. What do you think Lisa and Plague/XIII’s next move will be, and what exactly will be their end game goals? How do you think the two will continued to be effected by the diseases and powers they possess?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 13. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

QUESTION 14. Why do you think Lisa’s mother let Lisa think she’s been dead all these years, and what does this have to do with her role in the CIA? Also, what is the CIA’s interest in the current events of the story?

RebelVampire

11) I think this comic's strengths are what I mentioned for details. It's super good at weaving past history into present history and managing multiple plot threads. I never feel like I need to worry about anything getting dropped, and that gives me a sense of security while reading the story that things would eventually get answers. 12) I feel like Lisa and XIII are going to end up going to some gov facilities to do some research more into what's even inside of them, if they can. And also to make sure to remove a lot of people from positions of power that they're abusing. I think in terms of end game goals, I think it's just to stop a lot of corruption and then probably go into hiding (at least for Lisa). Although I think at the end they will have hard lives in general. Even if they succeed 100% in all their other goals, their powers will always make them targets, so they're kind of doomed for a life on the run unless they kind find a "cure."

13) I am most looking forward to finding out wtf Lisa's mom has been up to and what the CIA wants. Cause those are player's I didn't expect to roll up into the story at all. 14) Speaking of the above, I assume Lisa's mom was summoned for some super duper undercover mission that only she could do for some reason, and she was like "It's fine Lisa can take care of herself." And so she went to do that and since Lisa was kind of loosely fine she just continued to work with the CIA and became the big boss. And it's the CIA. Of course they're interested in what are basically super weapons. I mean their entire job is about protecting national interests, and the last thing you want is for the wrong people to get their hands on super peeps.

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Thirteenth Child this week! Please also give a special thank you to Sergio Ragno for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Thirteenth Child, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: http://thirteenthchild.net/ThirteenthChild/

Sergio’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/SergeXIII

Sergio’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/sergexiii

Sergio’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/sergexiii

[ecotone99]

[RF] The New Norm - Part 1

“It’s two fucking wires!”, Virgil said to Lucky who was digging for worms.

“We need worms if we’re gonna eat,” Luck replied without looking up.

The two of them arrived here about a year ago when the virus finally tipped the scales and there was no looking back. The Covid-19 virus started as a local health issue in the Wuhan province of China. The world halfassly paid attention as the news story went from being a closing story to becoming a lead after the virus had jumped ship, via international travel, and became a global pandemic in six short weeks. The scariest thing about it was it’s incubation rate and how fatal it was. Four to eight week without showing signs of infection and a 90% mortality rate. Scary was being generous.

“I’m fucking sick of pike,” Virgil said while digging through dirt and mud. It’d been raining for two days and everything held the water in it, even the air.

“Life will change once we can harvest the garlic and onions,” Lucky replied while threading a long, fat worm out of a lump of soft clay. And we’re good for water for a while now. The tarps and drums are really working well now.”

“Well aren’t you Oscar Optimist this morning,” Virgil retorted in mild irritation. “What put you in such a stellar mood?”

“Garlic and onions aren’t ready to harvest but I did find something that was.” Without looking up, Luck reached into the breast pocket of his battered army coat and slid out half a very fat, very respectable joint.

“You fucker! And exactly when were you planning on telling me?” Virgil dusted his hands on his camo cargo pants. Lucky tossed him the half dube and his zippo.

“You know,” he said with a grin. “You rarely take into consideration my entertainment.”

Virgil, squatting on his haunches shook his head slowly, his smile growing ear to ear. “We gotta find something better when the munchies kick in.”

“We could raid the old man again. He’ll be asleep by nine. Maybe find something interesting. I was also thinking we should start planting berries. Strawberries, raspberries, blueberries. That sort of thing.”

Virgil exhales deep lungfuls of smoke, “Agreed. But blueberries are a fucking bitch to grow. Cherry tomatoes make a good snack though. Idiots can grow them too.”

“Says a lot about us,” Luck said and taking the offered joint. His intense eyes wandered over the scenery. Couldn’t really be much better. The ‘old man’ was a retired horse farmer and a multi-millionaire to boot. When the ‘dynamic duo’ agreed it was time to get out of Dodge, finding this place was a chance in a million. Before the global servers went tits up, they were looking for a place in the woods, far from civi, at the end of a road.

“Doesn’t ‘the end of the road’ sound a little fucking ominous to you?” Virgil commented.

“That’s why nobody’s gonna go there” was Lucky’s logic. Actually, over the past year it seemed to become Lucky’s Logic.

So they took everything they assumed they’d needed, which for Virgil was a lot, packed it in Luck’s pickup and drove east out of the city and hoped for the best.

What they found was beyond their wildest dreams. Hundreds of acres of forest, with lakes, rivers and pastures. The old man had two barns which held about fifty horses which he cared for by himself. Fiery old guy, up at 5:00 and in bed at 21:00, never stopping all day to tend the farm. After about a month living there, Virgil and Lucky approached the old man to offer assistance in return for lodging and the single buckshot pellet that blew through Virgil’s shin still hurt when the weather changed. So much for diplomacy.

Now lying in the dirt together, both supremely surprised by the potency of Luck’s harvest, Virgil was back at it.

“It’s two fucking wires!” he exclaimed with as much vigor as his addled mind could muster, which, admittedly, wasn’t very much.

Lucky was consumed by the beauty of the rolling clouds strolling gently through the mesmerizing sky which wasn’t very mesmerizing at all.

“What?” he mumbled.

“Two fucking wires! He’s got about a billion watts of solar power down there. He’s not gonna notice if we nick a little of it.”

“What?”, Lucky eloquently retorted.

“There’s about a billion feet of wire in the big barn. We can steal a plug socket and a case, take the wire we need and bury it from here to the power relay he uses to heat his indoor pool. Then we just connect the two wires to the relay and have more electricity than we can ever use. Where’s the downside?”

Lucky thought he saw elephants in the clouds.

Virgil was on his back, trying to work out the math for his latest plan. “And if you say ‘What?’ again I’m gonna… fuck it. I can think of a lot of things to finish that sentence but I doubt I can even stand up right now. How the fuck did you grow that so strong?!??

“What?”

That night found them putting at a joint and reviewing ‘the mission’. With no security whatsoever, it was easy to steal the wire, the plug socket and a shovel for the next mission. Night time in this new normal was pitch black, with the moon and the stars serving as the only source of light. The barn was huge. Like two football fields huge.

The biggest problem was making sure the horses didn’t wake up. Especially while Virgil was humming the theme from Mission Impossible.

Lucky was at the door of the tack room, where the old man kept all the horse stuff, saddles, bridles, carrots. His eyes scanning for anything but knowing full well, from past experience, that there was nothing to scan for. He literally could have been walking around naked with a headlight strapped to his forehead.

“Can you stop humming that fucking song?” he whispered, not wanted to alarm the horses. “This is about as far from impossible as taking a shit.”

Virgil would have no part of Lucky’s Logic. He continued to hum away. Luck just rolled his eyes. Virgil had cut off the length of wire they needed at what he calculated to be about 300 feet. But 300 feet of triple strand copper wire weighs about 100 pounds so they split it in two to share the burden.

“When’s the last time you went upstairs,” Virgil asked.

“I don’t know,” Luck whispered back. “Just after we got here I think.”

“Wanna go have a peek? We’re not here often these days,” Virgil asked.

Lucky weighed the worth of his friend’s curiosity. “Peek for what?” he asked.

“I don’t know. Who knows what the old man has up there. It’s not like we’re in a rush. And I was also thinking on the way back we take a quick look for any munchies in his fridge.” Virgil shot Luck the grin that always made him shake his head and smile. “C’mon, man! What else have we got to do?”

After getting the wire and shovel in a wheelbarrow they were about to steal they both ninja’d their way back into the barn and up the stairs that lead to the apartment above the barn meant for the farmhand to live in. It was completely dark and Virgil clicked on his flashlight for a second.

“Turn that off!” Lucky forcefully whispered. “I can’t see a thing now!” Virgil knew Luck was talking about how regular light fucked up a human's innate ability to see in the dark.

Virgil, mentally agreeing with his friend, was also content that turning on his flashlight kept him from stepping on one of the numerous barn cats. He clicked it off plunging them both back to the invisible abyss.

Virgil found the door at the top of the stairs and silently twisted the knob which didn’t twist at all.

“Fuck,” he hissed. “It’s fucking locked.”

Lucky reached into his shitty canvas bag and gave Virgil the worn lockpick set he’d had since high school. Virgil had the door open in 10 seconds. The apartment was surprisingly renovated. Brand new everything, granite counter tops, solid wood kitchen cabinets, hardwood floors. Both quietly looked in every cabinet, every drawer.

Above the stainless steel fridge, Virgil let out a low whistle.

“What?” Lucky asked.

“Imma turn on the flashlight for sec, okay?” Virgil asked.

Luck shielded his eyes. “Just for a sec.”

Virgil clicked the flashlight on then off after 2 seconds. Then he started giggling.

“What?” Luck whispered again.

“It’s a 60.” Virgil offered.

“Of what?” Lucky asked

“Looks like our old friend”

“Jack?”

“Yep,” Virgil replied. “Jack Daniels is joining us for dinner.”

Lucky then began giggling too. “Fuck yeah!”

“I’m just gonna check the bathroom then we head out,” Virgil whispered after giving the bottle to Lucky.

“Sounds good”.

Virgil inched his way to the bathroom, hoping beyond hope, he’d secure some toilet paper. You can’t understand what the quality of life is when you don’t have toilet paper. The moonlight was peeking through the patio door and when Virgil got to the bathroom what he saw gave him pause for thought. There was tape across the door like you’d see in a police investigation.

“Luck!” he whispered silently. “What do you make of this?”

Lucky didn’t really care much. Though the thought of having a 60 of Jack Daniels AND toilet paper seemed to immediately become abundantly important.

“I don’t know,” he replied. “Just go have a quick peek”

This seemed to give Virgil the confidence he needed and he opened the door and stepped in.

What surprised him most as he stepped through the door was the towering pile of toilet paper he saw on the shelf at the edge of his vision. For a split second. Having a doctorate in mechanical engineering, his brain, in lightning-fast realization, determined that the tape on the door was to keep people out of the bathroom because the floor was being replaced and the only thing covering the beams meant to hold the new floor was paper. He disappeared from Lucky’s view in a split second. He was there and then he was gone. His crash to the floor below was surprisingly muted because he landed on hay. Hay for the stallion in the stable in which Virgil now found himself.

For anyone who knows anything about horses, the stallion is, by far, one of the most fearsome and dangerous animals on the planet. They’re purpose is to breed. Horse farmers purposely prevent this from happening until it’s time to happen. So you essentially have a horse, fully 1500 pounds, that is so angry because he’s horny as fuck standing four feet from Virgil. Add to this that the irate animal was sleeping and doesn’t take kindly to being shocked awake and you have a very unpleasant environment for Virgil to find himself in. And to really put the final nail in the coffin, the stable is, of course, locked from the outside.

The braying and snorting of the animal a floor below him quickly brought Lucky’s attention from the 60 in his backpack to his friend in mortal danger. Still feeling the effects of the weapons-grade weed he grew, he bounded, then fell down the stairs. Sadly, he had to admit, that when tumbling down the stairs his first thought was not of saving his friend but of hoping that the 60 didn’t break as he barreled, head first, into the wall at the base of the stairs.

As Lucky scrambled back to his feet and into the stables, Virgil was fairing far worse than his potential rescuer. The stallion was now fully awake and fully pissed at the intrusion to his miserable existence. Virgil knew well enough to not get behind the beast, his scientific mind knowing that a horse kick approached 2000 pounds per square inch. What he had never learned was that while avoiding the powerful kicks he did not realize that horses bite. He also was unaware that a stallion can easily bite off a human arm completely. So, in hindsight, he had to admit that he was happy, well, less miserable, when the horse decided that he could neutralize his invader by biting its head. Just as Virgil was uselessly trying to hold the stallion’s head, and teeth, away from his, Lucky opened the stable gate and punched the horse squarely in the eye. The result was madness. The stallion reeled up and brayed loud enough to wake the other horses who clearly felt the need to support their breeding seed and began to make noises loud enough to wake the dead. Including the old (but not quite dead) man.

Virgil and Lucky zipped through the stable gate, locked the door, and bolted to their bounty of wire. And a shovel. Watching the farm lights come on in horror, they ran, full sprint for over an hour, down the dirt road and up the hill to their camp. Exhausted, battered and bruised and pumping on adrenaline, they both lay sprawled on their backs.

“Two fucking wires!”, Luck exhaled.

Virgil reached into Lucky’s battered backpack and pulled out the 60.

“Shots?” he asked without raising his head.

And they both lay on the ground, covered in mud and horse shit, and couldn’t stop laughing.

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