#I just. I truly believe he didn’t care. and that he’s moved on and . proved that I wasn’t enough

[bayseil]

.,.

[lovingmattysposts]

Love Never Is

pairing: y/n and Matt sturniolo

summary: Love is never what it seems. It's not like the books or novels. It's not a simple as it seems. But she doesn't believe in love anyways so it's nothing something she has to worry about. That is until she falls into it and it gets ripped away from her. The love is real, painfully real.

warnings: sad af. angst, mentions of depressing stuff.

i put my HEART and SOUL into this please read it all the way through even though its long. AGAIN thank you for the love, love you all

xoxo Autumn as always

“then maybe we should just break up!”

Frozen in time. A sentence you never thought you’d hear fall from him mouth, but as you walked home you couldn’t stop hearing it ring in the back of your mind.

You didn’t allow yourself to cry in front of him, not wanting to show your true emotions on the subject of breaking up. If that’s what he wanted, you do it. Because you loved him.

To selfishly and embarrassingly cry in front of him was just something that you didn’t allow your body to do.

“Is that what you want?”

He stayed silent looking down at the ground, down at his shoes. You turned your head at his silence letting his words truly sink into your veins. Feeling the power of them washing over you like bullets on skin.

It was horrible.

“Yeah maybe”

You nodded looking towards your feet. It wasn’t fair. This wasn’t fair. You were suppose to be in love. Things weren’t suppose to be hard. You were suppose to be happy. Why was this happening?

Looking down at you soaked tennis shoes in the puddles of rain, you questioned everything he’s ever said. Every time he said that he loved you. Every time he kissed you until you both erupted into fits of laughter.

Was it even real?

You guys never fought, but you never thought the first fight would end up like this.

Fighting back the urge to ask him if he even loved you anymore was almost too impossible to bear, so instead you didn’t say anything else and left. The worst part about it all was that he didn’t try to stop you.

He let you leave, because after all that’s what he wanted. Even if it killed you, you were at his mercy. You would do anything he asked you to, even if that meant to walk away.

Matt looked up as he heard you start to walk out after you didn’t respond. His mind screamed at him don’t let her walk out, but his feet didn’t move. He stayed frozen in time.

He didn’t even know how the fight happened. One minute you were laughing the next minute you were screaming at each other like you weren’t the couple everyone wished they were.

But Matt was never into putting on the show for the public. Sure everyone had their own ideas of what you two were, if any of it was even real. But he didn’t care to prove them right or wrong because if he just had you at the end of the day, that was enough.

You were always enough.

You were gentle and kind. You never raised your voice. You were patient with him, even in times when he was acting like a child. So when you walked out, that was the last thing he ever expected you to do.

Without another word.

Without even trying to fight him.

You just left.

The slamming of the door is something that was ringing in his mind. As he stood in the kitchen staring at the door waiting for you to walk back in, but you didn’t. And he didn’t understand why.

I guess this was unmarked territory. He had never said anything like this before, and especially not this harshly to you. He loved you. He never spoke to you this way.

The thing that broke him the most is that you let him.

He didn’t know how long he stood there but it was long enough before the door started to open again. His eyes still trained on the door, he stepped forward. Ready to apologize. Ready to take it all back. To tell you he was sorry. And that he loved you.

But it wasn’t you.

It was Chris and Nick laughing and talking to each other as they walked through the doorway having no idea what just unfolded in the kitchen moments before. Well, what felt like moments. By now, from the sun now being fully set, it has been hours he stood there waiting for you to come back.

There had been words screamed between to people so deeply in love that were never meant to be spoken. There was ashes on the floor that was once their relationship that Chris and Nick were now walking into.

Matt’s eyes stayed on his brother and they looked to him. Their laughs halting when they saw their brothers face. He looked torn to shreds.

“Matt?”

Tears fell from his eyes from the sound of his name being called. He didn’t even feel like Matt. He didn’t feel like himself. He felt destroyed. He was nothing without you, what was he thinking?

They rushed over to him as he fell to the ground in sobs. Asking him over and over what happened, but all he could do was shake his head.

-

You’d never had your heartbroken before. You read about in books, seen it in movies, and even had some close friends go through what you thought was the worst.

You’d memorized love stories as a kid, learning the in and outs of what makes love, love. Studying it harder than any lesson in school. It fascinated you. Seeing how people can be simply change front the feeling of another human being, just simply loving you.

That’s what first drew you into to the science major. Seeing the chemical engineering of it all, of what makes one fall so deeply in love?

Most of it being unexplained, but other parts being feelings of euphoria being released by the brain in chemical forms of dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins. Which can occur simply by looking at the one you love.

All though you’ve studied countless hours trying to figure out what makes someone fall in love, you never really truly believed in it.

You wanted to. Oh, you wanted to so badly. But to never have experienced it, made it hard for you to truly believe in it.

Because as wonderful as love had been taught to you at an early age, you knew the dark side of it. The fights, the cheating, the breaking up. You didn’t understand how someone who you could once love, you could cheat on or break up with.

Which made you circle back to square one in your research when you thought about that factor. You didn’t believe that you wouldn’t cheat on someone if you loved them. Because you felt that sometimes you could cheat on someone and still love them in one way or another.

Knowing you had that person at home, didn’t mean you didn’t find another attractive. Your father had cheated on your mother, but they stayed together. That didn’t mean he didn’t love her.

He tried the rest of his life to win her back at the peek of your childhood, which he ultimately failed. But he never was once seen with another women, because he loved her so deeply.

You believed humans were flawed whether they showed it or not. You didn’t think this theory justified cheating, or made it right in any manner whatsoever. Seeing how destroyed you mother was after once being so deeply in love with your father.

You just thought this meant love was more complicated that it is portrayed in story books or fairytales. You could go your entire life loving someone and never be able to have them.

You called it the ugly side of love.

The side no one talked about. The torn pages of love stories that no one wants to read.

And you didn’t blame them.

No one wants to read how the prince looked at the mistress while his wife was handing right there. They want to read about how they danced at the hall and how he found her missing slipper.

Studies after studies, you never found the answer to your questions. You knew everything about love, everything you could read, but you didn’t know the full story.

You had feelings of euphoria in your life, but euphoria didn’t mean love. You dance with a boy at your middle school dance, you liked his smile, but you weren’t in love.

You first kiss under the bleachers freshman year with the star quarterback, he had nice lips, but you weren’t in love.

You were missing the key factor, which was actually experiencing it. Your mother suggested that if your nose wasn’t in your study books you’d actually have time to look up and fall in love.

So that’s what you did. You put the books down and looked up. Just in time to catch wondering blue eyes.

What you didn’t know then that you are starting to realize now is that you had spent your whole life looking and dreaming of love and what it really is, that you had opened your entire heart up the first time you fell into it.

A lot of people argue that you can fall in love with multiple people throughout you lifetime, even falling out of love with some from the past. And maybe that’s true but that’s not what you believed.

You think that you could love many people, because you did. But falling in love, to your definition, only happened once. The deep sickening feeling of falling at 100 miles per hour, not even caring if you hit the ground. That, only happened once.

You also thought ‘love at first sight’ was bullshit. You cannot love someone without knowing them, truly knowing them. A glance in someone’s direction isn’t going to make you fall out of your chair and fall into love.

If anything, with your entire life revolving around your studies of love. It only made you more skeptical of it all in the first place. You wanted so badly to fall in love, that you thought you had mentally blocked yourself from allowing it to happen to you unknowingly.

You didn’t fall in love with him at first.

You thought he was too sarcastic. His eyes were too blue, and his flirting abilities were laughable.

It was his persistence that made you fall in love with him. The way he looked at you. The way he cared about whatever you had to say. The little things he remembered about you.

No one talked about how falling in love way scary. Maybe because no one thought like you did. No one did the research that you did. Everyone else was going along falling in love for the night, if that meant they could feel something.

But you we’re different. And he saw that in you. Which only made him fall in love with you faster.

You were terrified. You remembered the exact moment you fell in love with him. And no it wasn’t because he found you ‘perfect fitting slipper’ or flew across the country to kiss you ‘one last time’. Or anything like you read in the novels.

You in his living room. You’d been dating a few months at this point. He was half asleep, laying above next you, you feet sprawled out on his lap. The movie was almost over and he agreed to let want pride and prejudice for the 50th time.

It was your favorite movie, and he knew that. So almost every night he sucked it up and sat there and would watch it with you over and over.

As he dowsed off the sleep, you thought about that. As you whispered almost every line in the movie to yourself. You knew every line by this point. You looked over at him as the main characters confessed their love to one another.

You always thought that part was too cheesy. You always thought Darcy was an idiot and didn’t treat Elizebeth Bennett right, but they loved each other in their own way.

So you looked over at Matt, while they spoke on the screen in front of you. Trying to escape the unrealistic love story to look at your own.

His eyes were closed and his chest as rising and lowering softly with his breathes. You’d think he was asleep but his hands were on your feet, rubbing them softly as he tried not to fall asleep.

You looked over as one hand was placed, soothing your foot and the other was on you knee rubbing small circles.

You heart clenched when you realized.

You had fallen in love with him.

A stupid small act that came tumbling over every realization that your brain had hidden from view, all falling in front of your eyes. You loved him.

The bone chilling, falling at 100 miles per hour. terrifying love. It was him.

The scariness of it all didn’t fade until a month later. You didn’t want to ruin this for yourself by scaring away, because losing him meant a whole lot more now to you than it did a month ago.

He just had no idea.

To bring you that you had fallen in love, to you was almost scarier than realizing you had fallen into it in the first place.

So you waited. Until he said it first. Because the thought of saying it to early and scaring him away wouldn’t be worth the downfall.

Matt never thought too much about love, not nearly as half as much as she did. But that didn’t mean he cared about it any less.

He thought that two people liked it each other enough to get married and comfortable and it was easy. He learned quickly it was not easy.

Not everyone was as tender hearted as him. There were mean girls out there who only wanted him for one thing. He learned that lesson quickly.

So he went from open heart to a closed down bunker in a matter of a couple years with a few bad experiences. He’d even got worse than his brother Chris.

Granted, Chris had never had a relationship before. He thought they were stupid. Matt being the more kind hearted one of the group he was open to dating and talking to girl, even though his anxiety ate him alive over it.

Burned one harsh time, and it was over for him.

He never understood the concept of cheating. He thought “just break up with them if you want to be with someone else”. He thought everyone thought that way, that everyone thought just like him.

He learned quickly he was wrong in high school when he came into the locker room early for practice and saw one of his teammates making out with his girlfriend.

He didn’t understand the physical pain of it. He thought, yeah cheating sucks. But the heart dropping, can’t sleep, sickening feeling. He learned the hard way.

He didn’t love the girl, but he really liked her. And she spit in his face.

Years later he was still turned off completely to the thought of falling in love. Didn’t occur to him, it was the absolute last thing on his mind. He was more concerned with growing his business, making memories with his brothers, and the overall happiness of his well-being. He didn’t need a girl or any kind of love to make that happen for him.

Love wasn’t a quintessential need in life, it was luxury. A luxury he wasn’t going to roll the dice for. He was fine just how he was. He didn’t need anything else.

That was until her.

He didn’t know why he felt the need to talk to her that day. He never went out of his way to socialize with people especially with a schedule as packed as his. He quite literally had 10 minutes to go in grab a coffee and speed to his next meeting.

But she kept looking at him. And it wasn’t in a way that made him think she knew who he was. She looked almost curious. She was reading “the language of birds”.

He sat to himself in the line thinking, “who the hell read about birds?”. He paused as he gripped his coffee and had one hand pressed on the glass door, reading to push it open and continue on with his day to forget about the bird girl in the coffee shop.

But something stopped him. He felt almost a draw to her. He felt stupid even thinking it. A draw to her? Like some force of gravity pulling me towards her? This isn’t a movie, this is real life.

He thought he was stupid, just having an off day. But he turned around walking up to her. She looked up at him through her book, setting it down peering up at him.

She had beautiful long lashes and glossed lips and eyes that sank into his so much it made him lose confidence.

“Birds?” He asked, the only thing that was able to come out of his mouth. Her eyebrows furrowed as she chewed on her gloss lips. What the hell is he talking about? She thought. He looked down to the book in her hands.

the language of birds

She blinked down at her book, feeling her face light up. “Right—“ she said shaking her head and closing her book. He smiled at her embarrassment. Not that he was happy she was embarrassed, but it allowed him to be less nervous at her reaction to him.

She shook her head. “It’s not about birds” she said not looking up at him. His eyebrows furrowed. She glanced up at him. She sighed and closed her eyes.

“I mean it is but—“ she shook her head as he chuckled slightly at her. She smiled and blinked up at him, licking her lips slightly. Making his eyes trail down to her lips and then back up to her eyes.

“It more about their journey in life when they are away from their king, and how they manage their emotions in finding themselves when they are not with the person who told them what to do and think. They travel around looking for him once they realized they are lost, but then realize they find something more powerful on their own—“ she said scanning the book like she’s never seen it before.

I just smiled down at her as she rambled on. She glanced up at me finally. “Sorry” she apologized shaking her head. I shook my head pursuing my lips as I sat down across from her. She just watched me as he face slightly softened.

“What did they find?” He asked looking at her with a smile smile. She just blinked at me for a second. “What?” She said barley above a whisper. He pointed towards the book in her hand.

“The birds. What did they find?” He asked again, making her breath out. “Oh—right. They found that they are powerful in themselves. That they don’t need someone to tell them what to think and they realized they could do it on their own, they just had to be apart to figure it out” she finished setting the book down in front of her.

He couldn’t stop smiling at her. He had never heard someone talk the way she did. So elegantly, but so unsure. Like she knew what she was talking about, but she was embarrassed to admit knowing anything at all.

“How do you know you’re only half way through” He pointed out her book-marker only half way in between the pages of the lengthy book. She glanced down and shrugged.

“It’s one of my favorites, it’s like my fifth time reading it” she admitted. He nodded slowly. She just looked at him. Like he was a foregin creature getting ready to pounce.

“Sorry if you wanted to read it. I just spoiled the whole thing” she mumbled looking down.

It was almost refreshing for him, since he always felt to be on the other side of the attack. Always being nervous, anxious, scared. He didn’t mean or like to make her feel that way, but it was nice to talk to her and not feel that way and let someone else fill that role.

“What’s your name?” He asked looking at her. “Y/n” she spoke slowly like she was unsure of her own name. He laughed slightly. “Are you sure?” He asked. Her eyes widened. “What?” She asked back confused. Had he thought she’d had given him the wrong name?

“You didn’t seem so sure about it” he said looking down at the coffee in his hand. She smiled closing her eyes, before nodding. “Yes, I’m sure. My name is y/n” She breathed letting out of a bit of her anxiety.

He smiled and nodded. “I’m Matt” He breathed. She nodded. “Is it short for Matthew?” She asked smally. He smiled and nodded softly. She nodded back.

“Do you read?” She asked. He shook his head. She looked down at her book. “Well if you ever want to get into it, this books a great one” she smiled at him. He smiled at her, that’s all he’d seem to be doing.

He wanted to know things about her. He wanted to know why she was sitting alone. Why she was reading books that looked dated back to the 1800s. What was with this girl?

He felt a buzz in his pocket. Snapping him out of his thoughts. It was Chris. Fuck. He was already suppose to be at the meeting. He turned off his phone and stood up. Her eyes followed him.

“I have to go” he stated. She just looked at him. He looked towards the side. “Do you think the book only has one meaning?” He asked suddenly. She just blinked at him. He didn’t even know what he was saying at this point. He just knew he was to keep taking to her.

“You’ve read it five times, have you found the same meaning in it every time?” He asked looking down at the book. She glanced down at the book picking it up.

“Um” she sighed looking at it and then shrugging. “I guess I find something new every time I read it” she smiled at him. He nodded.

“I hope you find something new this time, y/n” He sighed and then turned on his feet. Leaving the girl with her thoughts. She sighed looking down at her lap after she left feeling like s failure.

All these books about love and she could barley talk to a cute boy. She looked up as he pushed the door and walked out of the coffee shop.

He smiled to himself as he left. Even if he never saw her again, it was nice to talk to someone who didn’t know who he was or wasn’t his brothers.

Now he was in a pickle being almost 20 minutes last for the meeting now..

“Wait”

He paused before turning and seeing the girl running up to him. He smiled seeing her again, not picturing her the type to come running after him. She stopped slightly out of breath in front of him from scrambling her things together quickly without thinking.

“I—“ she breathed looking down at the book in her hand. He looked down at it. “You should read it” She said holding the book out for him to take. He looked down at the book.

“Tell me if you find something I missed” she smiled up as he took the book out her hands and scanned it with his fingers. She stood in front of him not knowing really what to say next.

He nodded, biting back a smile. “I don’t wanna take your book” He said feeling guilty attempting to hand it back. She shook her head stepping back.

“I have like a million copies, just take it” she smiled shaking her head. He smiled and nodded stepping back. He looked down at the book shaking his head.

“How do I tell you what I find?” He asked looking down at her. She smiled stepping forward and opening the book to the front page.

if lost return to y/n

1800-562-99216

He smiled. Who writes their number in books? He thought to himself. He looked up but she was already walking away.

He didn’t know then what the interaction had him in for. He stayed home the rest of the week, just trying to read the book. As he started it he just wanted to get through it. Thinking it was going to be a boring out of date read. The only reason he was reading it so fast was because he just wanted to call her.

He wanted to find something she had not found, but by their simple conversation he didn’t think he’d be able to. She was smart. Really smart. He wasn’t as smart as her.

As he read on he got deeper into the book, unable to put it down. Even putting off other things that he used to deem more important. Getting unapproved comments from Chris. Like “Why the fuck are you reading about birds?” and things like that.

He got through the book in three days before typing the number into his phone slightly hovering over the call button, slightly nervous. Knowing what he wanted to say, but didn’t know if it was stupid.

It rang twice before she answered.

Expressing ideas of a book, something Matt never pictured himself doing. Or even enjoying but here he was. Laughing and talking with someone over a book about birds, or not so much about birds.

“Then why did he go back to the king after they realized everything?” He asked leaning back against his headboard. She sighed over the phone.

“I don’t know, it the one part of the book I never really understood. Some people just like the comfort of being told what to do instead of doing things their own way. I guess it’s just a symbolization of how people know right from wrong but still chose the wrong side most of the time” she said softly. He smiled.

“I never thought about it that way” he whispered. She hummed. “I was just mad at the bird for going back even after all he’s learned” He shook his head.

“Matt, it’s a bird” She chuckled over the phone, making him laugh. “No, but I get what you’re saying. It’s really eye opening, seeing how people fall into the same patterns. People like to be comfortable, anything that threatens that they run away from even if it’s the better ending” she sighed.

Matt pressed his lips together as he looked down at the book. “What that thing for you?” He asked looking down. She stayed silent on the other end of the phone for a second. Her mind raced. The first and obvious choice came to mind, but she had just met this boy once.

Mention love and he’d be running for the hills.

“Y/n?”

She blinked out of her thoughts. “Um, I don’t know” she sighed. He hummed. “You’re a smart girl, you must have some thoughts on how this correlates to your life” he said through the phone. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“I guess so” she said shaking her head as she paced her room. Was this a good idea? Comfortable. This is what you were talking about, pushing out of your comfort zone.

“I guess, this conversation?” She said almost questioning. His eyebrows furrowed. “What?” He asked. She closed her eyes.

“In the most non loser way possible—“ she bit her lip. “I study science as my major and I always think about how people fall in love and what it takes the chemical engineering behind it all” She explained. He crossed his arm, his phone pressed to his ear just listening.

“And I guess it makes me uncomfortable. It just like scares me? I don’t know.” She sighed. “I guess I’m scared to fall in love” She admitted, goosebumps filling her arms as he stayed silent on the other end of the line.

“Are you telling me your falling in love with me, y/n?” He chuckled, making her smile and shake her head. “No I—“ she smiled. “I’m kidding, I understand that. It’s hard to understand it, but I don’t think the answers are in science books. They are experiences” He said blankly.

She nodded before sighing into the phone.

“You sound like my mother” She joked as she sat on her bed. He chuckled into the phone. He looked down at his phone seeing the time. “Have we really been talking about birds for an hour?” He asked making her chuckle.

“I guess we have” She said softly. He noticed she used ‘I guess’ a lot. She’s very smart for a girl who’s constantly unsure. He turned over on his bed and sighed.

“What are you doing Friday?” He asked making her heart stop for a brief second. She shook her head. “I—I don’t know” she said softly. He smiled.

“Do you want to do something with me?” He asked. She wanted to. But she was scared, which made her not want to. She swallowed.

“Like what?” She asked cracking her fingers. “I don’t know. Do you have book on elephants? They are my favorite” he joked over the phone making her roll her eyes.

“I don’t” she smiled. He groaned. “I guess dinner will have to do then” He smiled, she looked down at her feet smiling stupidly at herself.

“I guess so” She said softly.

“I’ll text you”

-

The story emerged from there. About three months into being officially together, he fell in love with her. In the stupidest way possible.

He didn’t see himself falling in love, never imagined himself falling completely in love with another human being such as he had.

It wasn’t a scary feeling. It was more of a joyful feeling that he didn’t expect. He didn’t read much about love like her, but he didn’t know how much he needed it until he had it.

She had picked out Pride and Prejudice again for what felt like the millionth time to him. But he shut his mouth as she pressed play, because he knew if he agreed to watch it she would lay on him, clinging on to him. He would be able to look down at her for almost two hours without her noticing, her breathing slightly against him.

He moved her hand through her hair, as the movie played. Somewhere throughout the movie, she shifted putting her legs against his lap. He looked over at her as she mumbled the lines of the actors on the film in front of them to herself.

He smiled.

And that was it.

That’s when he realized he loved her. But he was scared to say it. He had on his mind on repeat.

“I guess I’m scared to fall in love”

He closed his eyes looking back to the screen, feeling a turn in his chest. He didn’t want to scare her away from telling her that he had fallen in love with her, especially if she didn’t feel the same way. So he would just wait for her to say it, to play it safe. Just so he knows for sure he wont lose her.

They fell in love in the same moment and didn’t even know it.

-

Months past with the unspoken words “I love you”. Almost slipping out of either’s mouth close to a hundred times, before catching themselves and covering it up.

Hey mind raced with insecurities. Had she gotten it wrong? Had he not fallen in love with her also? Was she just falling deeper and deeper into love with him and he just didn’t feel the same way?

He acted as he loved her, but the words never fell off his lips. It made her stomach turn. She had never even thought of the possibility, what do you do when you fall in love with someone and they don’t love you back?

Searching for answers in books tears streaming down her face as she ripped out the pages. She hasn’t studied this. She hadn’t even thought of the possibility. What had she done wrong? Was it something she wasn’t doing? Was it her? Why hasn’t he said it?

She was flipping through a new addition of the chemical engineering psychology book that her professor had just given to her. She had a conversation with her professor, saying enough without saying too much, and he had given her this book.

Matt walked into the room before walking up to her and kissing the side of her head. “Hi baby, what are you reading?” He asked wrapping his arms around her from behind and laying his head against her shoulder.

She leaned back against his touch, she always did. But lately the only thing she’s been thinking about is how their eight month anniversary is next week and he still hasn’t told her that he loved her.

Endless nights of staring sleepless at the ceiling wondering if she was even good enough to be loved. Barley now focusing on the feeling of falling, because of the anxiety of the the fear of him not.

“Reading” she said softly flipping through the pages. He looked down at the pages, not understanding half the words laid out in front of her. “You’re so smart” he whispered kissing her cheek, making her smile.

She liked when he called her smart. She prided herself on her intelligence. It was what she loved most about herself and the fact that’s what Matt loved most about her, only made her fall harder.

A lot of girls were insecure physically about themselves, but no y/n was always insecure mentally. Panicking if she wasn’t the smartest person in the room.

A lot of guys were threatened about her intelligence, most men don’t like being dumbed down by a female’s intelligence, but Matt loved it. Priding her. Telling her “I love how you’re so much smarter than me”’.

“But” Matt said flipping the book closed in front of them. She sighed looking up at him as he grabbed her arm and stood her up leaning down to her.

“Take a break, you’re killing your brain” he said kissing her nose softly. She smiled. “I can’t—“ she said looking back at the closed book. “You can” He said holding her hands. She smiled and looked down.

“Come on, I’ll run you a bath” he said pushing the hair out of her face. Her heart clenched. Why do you act like you love me but you don’t say it. She didn’t reply. He sighed. “I’ll wash your hairrrr” he sang, making her smile slightly. He pulled her arm as he walked away, but she stood her ground making the pull back cause him to turn around to look at her.

His smiled dropped when seeing her face. She looked down at her feet distress on her face. He walked back up to her. “Hey” he said softly. She didn’t looked up at him.

“Y/n, what’s wrong?” He asked quietly placing a hand on her cheek. She glanced up at him and then back down sighing.

“Matt why are you with me?” She asked looking at him. His eyebrows furrowed. “What?” He asked not understanding where she was coming from. Y/n was a lot of things, but she wasn’t insecure. At least not in front of him.

She’d never questioned their relationship to him and it he was being honest his heart was beating out of his chest at the possibility of her breaking up with him.

“Why are you with me? Why are we together?” She asked softly. Doubt filling her head. She was terrified at this conversation because this might be the end. If he didn’t love her, she would have to walk away. And that scared her more than being in a one sided relationship.

He stared at her attempting to read her mind. What did she want him to say. He dropped her hand and ran his hand through his hair.

“Because you make me happy” He said looking down at her. Her frown didn’t move.

Because I love you, he wanted to say.

“And you’re beautiful and smart”

Because I love you

“And I love—“ her eyes looked up. “Spending time with you” he said running his hand down her arm. She bit her lip and looked to the side.

“And what else? What else do you love?” She asked desperately for answers. If he didn’t love her, what was he getting out of it? He shook his head looking down at his girlfriend.

“I don’t—“ he stuttered not understanding. She huffed shaking her head. “Like do you love—“ She shook her head looking down.

“Do you love me?” She asked looking up at him with teary eyes. He froze looking at her. “Because I love the hell out of you and I have for a long time, and I’ve been waiting for you to say it and—and—“ she shook her head, spilling everything out.

He smiled down at her, pulling her slightly towards him and pressing their lips together. He smiled against her, before pulling back and pressing his forehead against hers.

“I’m so fucking in love with you y/n” Matt smiled, making her fear drop from her chest. She smiled. “Really?” She asked blinking at him. He nodded. “I didn’t want to scare you off, I know how scared you of it and I wanted to wait on you” he said honestly.

She smiled and shook her head.

“You don’t make it scary” she breathed, making him smile. He stepped back sighing. “God, I’m so sorry, y/n” he shook his head. “Now I feel like a complete asshole” He said looking down at her.

He wasn’t saying it get out of her being mad at him or in a manipulative way. He genuinely felt guilty for not knowing that she was waiting on him. He probably scared her to death.

She shook her head stepped forward and wrapping her hands around his shoulders. “No baby, no. I’m sorry.” She apologized making him smile that she was apologizing. He shook his head.

“I love you, I love you, I love you. Oh my god. This feels so good to say it out loud.” He said leaning down and kissing all over her face making her giggle and push him away.

“I love you too” She laughed. He ran forward before picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder. She laughed above him.

“Put me down!” She laughed kicking her feet. He shook his head. He was going to show her just how much he loved her.

-

A memory so far away that now seems like it never even happened. The only one circulating your brain was the one that happened just hours ago. The rest turning into darkness like it never happened.

“Matt” you yelled at you opened the door. He didn’t turn around as he walked through the kitchen. “Matthew” you stated making him pause and turn around. His face was angry. An expression he never wore when looking at her. Maybe at his brothers, but never her.

“That was ridiculous” I breathed looking at it. It was. He acted like a child. He rolled his eyes and shook his head. “So you can get mad at Sage, but I can’t get mad at a guy eye-fucking you?” He asked walking back up to me.

She cringed at the eye-fucking. He never really spoke like that and you didn’t like it when he didn’t.

“I didn’t get mad at Sage” she stated calmly. He scoffed shaking his head. “So what? You just pulled me away and told me off for like 20 minutes for shits and giggle?” He asked throwing his hands up.

She shook her head.

“I did not tell you off. I told you I didn’t like the fact that’s she was tracing the tattoos on your arm with her cheap press on nails” She said through gritted teeth trying not to get angry. He shook his head.

“Sage and I have been friends for a long time. Way before we started dating” he said motioning between them. She rolled her eyes. Why was he acting like this?

“Oh yeah? Why have I never heard her name before tonight?” She said walking up to him. He shook his head looking away before turning and starting to walk away.

He didn’t want to act this way in front of her, but he was angry. She deserves better so he was gonna walk away.

“Don’t walk away from me” she spat making him pause in his tracks. He closed his eyes as he turned back around. “Y/n. I’m gonna say something I regret. Just go home” he shook his head at her, but she shook her head back feeling tears brim at her eyes.

“No. Talk to me. We don’t do this, we don’t fight” She shook her head mentally pleading with him. He knew she was right, but he was clouded with anger, stepping towards her.

“Leave” he breathed.

“No” she shook her head.

“You were out of line admit it” She said making him roll his eyes. “No, I wasn’t. You’re my girlfriend and another guy was all over you” He argued down at her. She shook her head.

“We were speaking!” She said throwing her hands up. “You didn’t have to grab me like I was your property Matt. And I think he got the message before you went all ‘Yeah our one year is next wekk. We’re soooo in love’—“ She shook her head.

He clenched his jaw and turned his head. “Yeah and you grabbing my arm and all of the sudden telling me very loudly how much you ‘loved the bracelet I got you’ while shoving it in her face was any better?” He asked making her look down and shake her head.

“You’re not my property y/n. But your my girlfriend. I’m not gonna cheat on you like—” he said shaking his head. She looked up at him glaring.

“What? Like my dad and my mom?” She asked shaking her head. He looked down shaking his head. “I never said that” He shook his head stepping towards her. She shook her head stepping back.

“No but you implied it, you asshole” She said shaking her head feeling tears come to my eyes. He glared at her.

“I’m an asshole? Really? You wouldn’t even look at me on the way home” He asked shaking his head. “Because I’m fucking mad at you!” She screamed making the world go still. She never raised her voice. She never cursed at him. He scoffed.

“So we’re doing this now huh?” He asked.

“I’m not doing this” She said stepping back tired of arguing. “Oh no, you can say that to me, but I’m not allowed to say anything back?” He asked throwing his hands up.

She sighed trying to contain her composure before she says something she really regrets.

“You were right, we need to walk away. Our one year is next week and we’re both angry and-“

“No you started this and you don’t want the repercussions. You always do this” He said looking down at her. Her mouth fell open.

“I always do this?” She asked shaking her head.

“Yes, you always do this” He nodded. She’d never been this angry at someone she loved so much.

“Admit that guy was flirting with you” he said loudly. She shook her head. They were talking. She hadn’t even noticed if he was flirting with her because she doesn’t look at anyone else like that other than him. Because why would she need to if she had him?

“Admit it, that girl wanted you” She whispered back. He glared at her. He’s not thought about a girl like that since he saw her in the coffee shop with that bird book. He thought that girl was genuinely interested in his tattoos.

He shook his head.

“No” he said back. She nodded looking down.

“Then call me when you get you head out of you ass” She shook her head and stepped back. He shook his head.

“Call me when you get your head out of those damn books” He spat making her pause and her eyes water.

“I hate you” She whispered. His heart dropped but he didn’t show it on his face. She didn’t mean it, he knew she didn’t. But it still hurt as if she did mean it.

“That’s all you ever care about right? Being the smartest person in the room? You always have to be right don’t you?” He said his eyes watering. She shook her head.

“You know that’s not true” She breathed. He shook his head. He did but he wasn’t admitting it.

“I don’t maybe it is!” He yelled.

“Maybe you’re just an insecure asshole!”

“Maybe we should just break up!”

-

After the end of all this, she realized that she was never scared of falling in love. How could one be? Falling in love is amazing. She knows first hand. Yeah it’s scary at first, but to love truly by another human being is worth it being scary.

No, she wasn’t afraid of falling in love. She was afraid of falling in love and then losing it. She was terrified to get hurt. To lose him. Because nothing else matter if she had him.

If she had him, everything was okay. When she lost him, what was the point?

Reading any love story. Watching any movies. What was the point?

Because she had fallen in love, and she lost it. She lost him. The blood curdling, heart clenching, falling at 100 miles per hour terrifying love. and now it was gone. Ripped away from her like it never belonged to her.

It wasn’t fair.

But I guess love never is.

Days went by by and she didn’t eat, she didn’t sleep, she couldn’t breathe without him. She thought the books that wrote about this type of pain were exaggerating. They weren’t. Simple enough they weren’t.

The science books running through her brain. It was just a chemical feeling. The emotions, you can control them. But you couldn’t. You can’t.

Science can’t take away this type of pain. This isn’t the type of that you can explain or type out into words. It’s the most excruciating type of pain one who’s been in love can feel. And the only person who can make I better is the one that hurt you.

The day of silence after was the worst part. All day she waited by her phone all day, her door all day. Silence. Dead silence.

The amount of times she reached for the phone or grabbed her keys to go to his house, but stopped herself. She couldn’t. He wanted it. And she loved him. She would embarrassingly do anything he asked of her. And he didn’t want her. So that’s what he got. Because she loved him, and it was killing her.

-

“Give her time, she will come to you” Chris pushed Matt back as he charged at him. “No she won’t you—you don’t know her-“ he cried looking at his brother. Nick and Chris looked at each other they’ve never seen their brother like this before. They didn’t know what to do.

“Our one year is tomorrow and—and—“ He choked. “No it’s not yall broke up” Chris shook his head. Matt’s heart clenched. No we didn’t. His mind raised. It’s not over me for. It will never be over for me.

“What are you gonna say huh? You have to think of something better than I’m sorry. You can’t just say I’m sorry” Nick shook his head at Matt. Matt gripped his hair shaking his head. He didn’t know what to do. He just wanted to go back. If he could just go back, he could fix everything. Take it all back. Not say those harsh words.

He hated himself for hurting her. It was eating him alive.

Then it clicked. It all clicked.

-

She hadn’t been going to classes and she definitely wasn’t going today. It was their one year. Well suppose to be there one year. If everything didn’t happen. If she didn’t start something that he finished. If she just didn’t say those things to him, just didn’t say anything. She would still be happy. He would still be in love.

She turned over on her bed falling into the groups of book by her bed that she had laid out. But no, science couldn’t fix this. She wasn’t even sure she could fix this. All she knew was that she just wanted to rip her heart out of her chest, that would hurt less than this.

She swallowed and sat up. She felt dizzy. When was the last time I drank some water? She thought. She reached over to her desk and grabbed a water fumbling with the cap and spilling it all over her. She sighed standing up and pulling her shirt over her head.

She didn’t even look herself in the mirror. She couldn’t. She pulled out one of Matt’s shirt before she decided she’s tortured herself enough and just throwing on an old tshirt of her own.

There was a knock at the door. She turned her head. No. It’s not him. She thought. It’s probably just your mother, asking you why you’re not showing up to classes. Something you’ve prided yourself in, your schoolwork and it was all slipping behind.

It wasn’t fair. Going through this. And he hasn’t even called. She teared but before she heard the knock again. She turned before walking out of her room and down the steps. She sighed before opening the door.

Matt stood there staring down at her. Tears in his eyes. She looked up at him. Her heart clenched. She didn’t know what to do. She stood frozen. She shook her head slightly.

“Y/n. Listen to me just listen—“ he said placing his hand on the door. She blinked at him. “Or don’t listen, just read” He said handing her the book she gave him so long ago.

The language of birds

She looked up at him. “If lost return to y/n right?” He breathed. She sighed looking down at the book opening it and a note slipped out of it and towards her foot. She furrowed her eyebrows and picked it up opening the note.

Y/n,

I know you’re a big reader and oh is that one of the many things I love about the person I love. I’m not good a words, as you have seen many times. So instead of saying it i wrote it. You taught me about these birds who are torn away from the king, on their own in unmarked territories and they are terrified. I know what you’re thinking, that’s us right now, apart from one another. But no. That’s not the ending I want or the ending you deserve.

You are the bird, you have always been the bird. You learned how to fly before anyone else and you’re the one who stands up. You fly away into unmarked territory that terrifies you, love. You fell in love first and I fell harder. You were terrified but fell into me even though you were scared. You trust me. You have my your heart and that’s the bravest and scariest thing you could have done, I know that. You’re flying back to the king because you want what’s comfortable, writing off love as your fear forever. But I’m begging you please stay, don’t fly back to the king. I need you hear with me. I always have and I always will.

I’m changing the ending to this stupid bird story and I’m not letting you fly away.

Y/n, you are my everything and I’m an idiot. I’ll always be an idiot, but I will never for as long as I love you the rest of my life will I ever make you feel like I don’t love you again. I love you so much. You are my bird.

please.

Tears flooded her eyes before she was even done with the note. She folded it and put it back into the book holding it close to her chest. He waited for her to finish. His heart beating out of his chest.

All that was running through his head was please please please.

She looked up at him. He watched her.

“I’ve always hated that ending to that book” She smiled as tears fell from her eyes. He sighed smiling.

“My baby” he sighed as he wrapped her arms around her as she hugged him, slightly crying against him.

“My bird” He whispered against the girl he loved so so much.

So maybe love wasn’t a simple as the books or movies. But in the end she knew, it was worth fighting for, even if it wasn’t pretty. But then again

Love never is

holyy okay this took all day to write but its my favorite thing ive ever wrote hope you love it❤️

tag list: @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @miastromboli @secret-sturniolo @sturnsclutter @sturniolodreamz @paper-crab @chrisolivia4l @mwah0mwah @recklesssturniolo @ejswift @kitaysworld @meg-sturniolo @nickmillersn1gf @fr3shl0ve @adrianaturnedpretty @oversturn @ghostgurlswrld @flowerxbunnie @ilytrinsworld @lustfulslxt @kiarastromboli @gemofthenight @blahbel668 @haunted-headset @sturnybabes @bethsturn @d3adlyclassrat @sturnybabes @mattsbitch @chrisluvbot @nickenthusiast @sturniolossmut @biimpanicking

[gay-dorito-dust]

sub zero anon again 😼 Can I request something where Bihan is very possessive, maybe he gets jealous that Johnny Cage or someone else is flirting with you and you get fed up with bihans attitude about the situation (not w you but with johnny) so you end up just going home and when Bihan is bitching about it you kiss him to shut him up 🙏🏻 i got my inspo from the jealously prompts page LMAOO anyways you’re the best <3

‘Do you have a map, because I get lost in your eyes.’

Johnny’s voice was the equivalent to nails on a chalkboard to Bi-Han. It caused him to react in a viscerally violent way that grew harder and harder for him to ignore the more the arrogant man sat across from him opened his mouth to speak; Especially so if the words that left said arrogant man’s mouth were unsolicited flirtatious quips directed towards you. Bi-Han wasn’t oblivious to your beauty and he couldn’t put an ounce of blame on you for merely existing, however he could and would put every ounce of blame on Johnny for interrupting what was meant to be a private moment meant for the both of you.

Bi-Han had been planning this for a long while now since being Grandmaster took up most -if not all- of his time, leaving the only times where you could be together was during at night and missions, which were never truly enough for him when you were seemingly the only person who could elevate the stress of being Grandmaster from his shoulders and grant him the opportunity to being vulnerable. For Bi-Han it acted as a way of saying thank you for putting up with him for as long as you had for he knew he wasn’t the most easiest of people, so for it all to be tarnished within a blink of an eye by the arrogant buffoon who was too acted as though he was god’s gift to humanity; Needless to say Bi-Han wasn’t the most pleased and he doesn’t bother to hide his displeasure either with how tightly he scrunched up his fists and how hard he clenched his jaw from under his mask. He even went as far as to keep his ice cold glare solely on him as a way to tell Johnny how he was overstaying his unwarranted welcome.

But either the man was stupid or was just that full of himself because not once did Johnny spare Bi-Han a single glance, nor cared to, as all his undivided attention was focused on you as he spouted and and all sorts of one liners that only prove useful in fuelling Bi-Han’s fire. And as much as you liked Johnny as a friend, he certainly had the upmost worst timing ever. Impromptu hangouts is what he liked to calls them but when you saw him enter Madame Bo’s the same time you and Bi-Han were just getting settled, you knew the worst was yet to come. You knew Johnny had a tendency to flirt with anything that moves and breaths and often times does so during the worst of times, but this must’ve possibly his worst one yet.

You knew how Bi-Han didn’t get along with Jonny so you could only imagine the amount of effort he was putting in to not reacting to anything that was being said, but you weren’t an idiot. You could see him silently seething from the corner of your eye as you went to place your hand on his knee for reassurance, only for him to jerk it away from you, leaving you to question his sudden attitude towards you when you’ve done nothing wrong the entire evening. You even shot him several questioning looks, all of which were blatantly ignored by Bi-Han as his lack of emotional control had lead to the air becoming frigid. You could start to see small quantities of ice beginning to form on the edges of the table, creeping inwards to your ceramic mugs of half drunk, lukewarm teas.

You nudged Bi-Han with you shoulder. ‘I thought the Grandmaster of the Lin Kuei was meant to set a precedence.’ You whispered. ‘You know Johnny is nothing more then a friend, and I know he kind of ruined our evening but that don’t mean you have to go this far just to get back at him.’

Bi-Han’s jaw twitched as the furrow of his brow deepened. ‘It’s truly an insult that you would believe that I would ever disgrace myself by stopping to his level. I’m merely warning him.’ He said sharply as the air grew even colder and the ice on the table had now rendered your tea undrinkable, much to your disappointment. You really liked that tea.

All of this didn’t seem to raise any warning signs within Johnny, who was oblivious to it all, which honestly baffled you at how he didn’t seem to acknowledge the change in the air, nor feel the ice that was threatening to encase the hand that was holding one of your own as his thumb gently caressed the skin there. All you wanted was a nice, easygoing evening, it was such a small thing to ask for but Bi-Han and Johnny were making things unnecessarily hard for you and now all you wanted to do was go home and head straight to bed to sleep this all off and hope that you have forgotten all about it the next day. ‘If being sexy is a crime, you’d be guilty as charged.’ Johnny said but before you could say anything in response, Bi-Han stood up abruptly, his eyes showing a man who’s reached his limit and so had you at this point as you tried to ease the oncoming headache to no avail as Bi-Han reached to grab Johnny by his expensive shirt.

‘Woah! Go easy on the merchandise dude, this shirt cost me a fortune.’ Johnny cried.

‘I have no care for your materialistic lifestyle Cage.’ Bi-Han spat venomously and that was about all you could take as you stood up from your chair and grabbing the cryomancer by the bicep, catching his eye for the first time that evening. ‘I don’t think Madame Bo would enjoy having to spend the rest of her evening clearing blood off of the floor and furniture now do you?’ You asked, taking the silence that greeted you as your answer as you again spoke pointedly, ‘We’re leaving. Now.’ Bi-Han knew it wouldn’t be wise to fight you once your mind was made up and he didn’t want to be even more on your bad side then he already was, and so he released Johnny unceremoniously as his body hit to the floor before following you out of the tea house without another word.

Back at the Lin Kuei wasn’t any better either as Bi-Han decided to make his thoughts known of how much he hated Johnny for not only ruining your evening that you’ll never get back, but also for blatantly flirting with you right in front of him. And at the rate he was going at, it only felt like the beginning of an extremely long night, and not in the sexy sense either.

‘Cage is an insufferable man child.’ He began. ‘Doesn’t know how to keep his hands to himself nor does he have an ounce of respect within his entire body.’ You internally groan as all you wanted to do was sleep, but it was clear that Bi-Han wasn’t about to let this go as easily as you were, and you knew that Bi-Han had an unhealthy tendency to withhold grudges until his dying breath. But even then he’ll still be carrying those grudges like it was his life’s purpose. ‘Johnny was only flirting with me to get a rise out of you my love, which was why I was trying to stop you from doing something you’ll come to regret later on.’ You explained, walking over to Bi-Han and placing your hands on his face, watching with soft eyes at how he’d visibly relax and lean into your touch, reaching his hands up to place over you own as a way to keep you there.

You loved this man more than words could describe, but you swore there were days where he could drive you up the wall and yet you wouldn’t trade it for anything. ‘The fool could use today as a learning lesson as to not try to go after what’s rightfully mine.’ Bi-Han growled possessively, had it been any other night you would’ve found this shamelessly attractive but tonight wasn’t the night despite the warmth that flooded throughout your entire body. ‘I’m sure he’s learnt a very valuable lesson and would do better to think twice next time.’ You told Bi-Han as your thumbs stroked the cheeks of his now maskless face, taking time to ingrain each and every facet that made up his beautiful facial structure, something you very much liked to do every night before wandering off to sleep.

‘There won’t be a next time if Cage wishes to keep his life.’ Bi-Han replied, his hands, which had now traversed down to your waist, gripped you tightly as they -rather roughly- pulled you into him until you were flushed against him. You smirked as the fluttering feeling within you raged on. ‘How romantic of you my heart, but I think you’ve done enough talking for one day, so allow me to give your voice a rest and put your lips to work in the only way I that know we’ll both enjoy.’ You didn’t allow Bi-Han to speak afterwards as your lips were already descended upon his as your hands had moved to lounge comfortably over his shoulders, your eyes closed in heavenly bliss.

The evening might’ve not gone how either of you would’ve wanted but that’s what made the kiss more rewarding but what made it even more rewarding was when Bi-Han’s hands slipped down to your ass, giving them a good squeeze, as he then walked you towards the end of the bed, where you fell into the mattress with Bi-Han following shortly after; whilst actively making sure to support most his weight onto his forearms that caged you underneath him before reconnecting his lips with yours feverishly, as your needy hands grabbed ahold of him however you could.

Maybe it was one of those sexy nights after all.

[messydiabolical]

i’d once read a Mass Effect take that has been stewing in my melon ever since, about Wrex and him demanding a cure for the genophage during the war in 3. (I think it was on twitter but I can’t remember for sure. Just the idea of it stuck with me.) The general sentiment was that this was a dick move on his part, that there were “bigger problems” and this wasn’t the time and it was cruel and manipulative of him to put Shepard in that position. He should have helped out first and Shepard would have helped him back once the war was over. A lot of people chimed in agreeing, saying how they stopped liking Wrex after that. It bothered me for a bunch of reasons I didn’t feel I could adequately articulate, but i’m gonna try now. Prepare for my meandering thought style! The governing bodies of the Mass Effect Galaxy have repeatedly proven that they believe themselves superior to other species and know what’s best for everyone. They don’t let all species have a say in the council, always look out for their own species’ interests in so much as it pertains to keeping things as they are, and will happily go along with literal genocide to aid this. They approve of secret police and biological warfare espionage tactics. They weaponise bureaucracy to hide their cruelty behind ‘oh red tape has us bound, sorry uwu’.   I’m going to try to remain pertinent to the Wrex subject but as one great example of these governing bodies ways of dealing with percieved outsiders: The first contact war is a great example of how ludicrous and fascist things are.. ‘It’s ilegal to use this thing so we’re going to kill you for it’ without so much as a heads up. How were humans supposed to know that, exactly? The governing bodies of this place do not care about anyone outside their own self interests. Fall out of line and they will work to end you. Until you prove you might be useful or of interest to them in some way (or a threat). And then of course we later learn the asari were breaking these laws themselves, hoarding this tech to stay superior. Classic. Anyway, back to Wrex. Wrex knows this. Wrex has seen how the krogan are regarded and treated, the dangerous monolith species, outsiders who can never be let in, never forgiven, never given a chance to grow or change. For a long arse time. “But the krogan were getting out of control and also committing genocide, the genophage was a last ditch resort to stop a galactic war” … And it’s been hundreds of years since then. That 'last ditch resort' wasn’t used as a stop gap, a reset to even out the playing field so that new negotiations and relations could be developed. It was used to end the krogan, and has been actively maintained to continue that, ever since. Do you really, truly believe that if Wrex petitioned the council/ world leaders to negotiate reversing the genophage, they’d even let him have an audience with them? And if they did, do you really think these people, with their history and all the shit they pull, would listen and be reasonable? I can already hear the responses, that weaponised bureaucracy (“you raise an interesting point Mr Wrex but unfortunately we are recovering from a war don’t you know, please come back in 300 years for review, we are very interested in discussing this further then!”) Wrex is old, wise and knows exactly what is up. The only way the governing bodies of power were ever going to have a listen, was if he had something they needed. The war with the reapers provided that. And even then, he knew that they wouldn’t listen outright; having Shepard’s voice was a way to get the foot in the door. It makes my heart hurt to think about that honestly; how dehumanising (dekroganising?) it must feel to be the ruler of your people and know that you have to rely on your alien friend to even get someone to listen to you, when what you want to say is an extremely reasonable “hey committing genoicde against my people sucks, stop that now”. Anyway, Wrex was right, this was his one chance to save his people and he took it. Good for him.

[igncrxntripley]

their secret weapon pt. 7

synopsis: y/n goes to the extreme to prove her loyalty to the judgement day. 

tags: SFW, minor violence/description of matches, poly!judgement day, fem!reader, arguments, fighting, bruising

mentions: @babybatlover​ @ripleyswhore​ @odessa-is-my-queen​

a/n: AAAAAHHHHHHHHH

“We told her it wasn’t going to be easy. We need to work with her, Finn. Not make things worse.” Finn bit his lip as he looked at the other three in the room. “Or we continue to test her loyalty.” He wasn’t going to let this go; he was going to continue testing Y/N until she proved she was truly committed to The Judgement Day. “And if she can’t be loyal to us? Then it’s time to move on.”

“Prove herself? Her loyalty?” Damian asked in frustration as he stepped closer to Finn. He couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. “You don’t think she’s done everything she can up to this point? You don’t think she’s given up a lot to be here with us?” He didn’t mean to raise his voice, but he couldn’t help but get upset with Finn when he acted like this. Rhea put her hand on Damian’s back to calm him down while chiming in her own thoughts. “He’s got a point, babe. We can’t expect her to just flip that switch when she’s betrayed someone she loved.”

Finn shook his head a little and looked at his partners. “You think I want to do this? I love and care about her just as much as every one of you do.” He said. “But we can’t let her flip flop on us. She needs to pick a side and stick to it.” Damian clenched his fists, Rhea taking a step closer to Finn. “If what she’s done so far isn’t good enough, and you continue to push her…then it’ll be your fault when she ends up getting hurt.” She said, her voice dangerously low as she stood toe to toe with her partner. 

Damian nodded and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “I’m not giving up on her, Finn. Not now, not ever. And it’s sad that you don’t have any faith in her loyalty.” Dominik got up and stood between his partners so they didn’t get any more frustrated with one another. The younger member’s hand gently rubbed Damian’s back as he looked between him and Finn, Rhea continuing to stare down the Irishman in front of her. “I hope you know what you’re doing right now.” She warned. “Because it’ll be your mess to clean up.”

What they didn’t know was Y/N had woken up when Damian began to raise his voice at Finn. She pretended to still be asleep, but was listening to every word of their conversation not far from the bedroom. She heard that Finn had little no faith in her loyalty at this point in time; she heard everyone else sticking up for her when he openly said they would need to move on if she couldn’t prove herself. Y/N took note of every feeling in her body - the sadness, the anger, the frustration - and knew she was going to need to channel it over the next few days.

— —

Y/N spent the next three days before the next taping of Monday Night RAW training like a beast. She was in and out of the gym with every one of her partners, she was trying new moves in the ring, and she was plotting her next move as to how she could prove her loyalty to the group. 

Tonight was the perfect opportunity, as Damian and Finn had a match against Dexter Lumis and Johnny Gargano. Not just any match though, as it was a No Disqualifications match and anything was legal. It made sense for their feud that had been building up slowly over a couple of weeks, and it was a match that Y/N knew she could easily get herself involved in to not only prove her loyalty, but show the audience why she was their secret weapon. 

Y/N took her time backstage getting ready and getting into the right headspace to go out with her partners. Everyone tried making conversation with her, but she would only engage in small talk before going back to taking care of herself. But once it was time to go to the ring, Y/N was ready. And she stood shoulder to shoulder with her partners as they walked backstage to gorilla. Dominik stayed back since he had his own promo to be ready for later, but he was watching from the locker room the entire time. 

Standing between Damian and Rhea, the taller of the two keeping his arm around her shoulder the entire time, Y/N easily slipped into her character as she placed her cherry lollipop in her mouth. Not only was she bubbly and energetic, but she had an undeniable hint of crazy to her; she was the sore thumb in bright colors that stuck out in the group of black leather and chains, but they loved her that way. She felt confident walking out to the ring with The Judgement Day and felt even better when they all made it clear she was one of them. It may have been somewhat of an act with Finn, but he was damn good at it. 

The match was pretty average; both teams were pretty much even as they both switched controls and kept trying to pin one another, but towards the end Damian and Finn were most definitely getting tired. Rhea and Y/N had even dealt with the unsettling stares from Dexter throughout the match while the boys took their beatings. Taking numerous hits through chairs and tables didn’t help them either. The boys were taking more hits, Damian was most definitely getting frustrated whenever Dexter or Johnny kicked out, and Finn was getting desperate. Rhea had gone to check on Damian after he took a pretty rough hit to the outside of the ring, and Y/N knew she needed to take advantage of the moment. 

With Johnny and Finn still in the ring and everyone else occupied, Y/N used that as her opportunity to be helpful. In her head, she was going to distract Dexter and Johnny so her boys could take advantage of them and get the win before they could react. If that didn’t work, she wasn’t above distracting a ref or getting physical with an opponent herself. But she was going to see what she could get away with and prove why she was what The Judgement Day needed by their side. 

She pulled out a new table from under the ring and set it up for the boys to use their advantage, but Y/N wasn’t done there. She watched closely as Johnny used the ropes to support himself, and she hopped up on the apron behind him to try and hold him in place for Finn. Her arms wrapped around his torso to keep him to the ropes for Finn, and as her partner approached them to have his way with Johnny he managed to scramble away. With how fast Finn was going he almost ran right into Y/N; they both looked at each other in shock and he put his hands up in defense. “All good, we’re good.” He told her softly. 

Little did Finn know, it was going to be anything but good in a matter of seconds. 

Finn turned away from Y/N and came face to face with Johnny, who was preparing a superkick to take out his opponent and end the match. He had half a mind to duck thanks to his quick reflexes, but Finn didn’t even think about who was behind him. 

Unlike her partner, she didn’t have time to avoid the kick. Y/N became the victim of Johnny’s superkick, and the impact to her jaw made her lose her balance and fall off the edge of the ring. As she fell, she was met with the unmistakable impact of a table that shattered upon her body hitting it. All Y/N felt was pain as she listened to the cheers of fans in the arena, and her body quickly faded in and out of unconsciousness. 

The looks on the faces of everyone in The Judgement Day were of pure horror and fury when they saw what happened. Finn was in disbelief at what he had done, but he took advantage of the shock on Johnny’s face as well and was able to deliver a finisher to end the match. But he knew that ending this match was only the beginning of fixing the mess he’d created. 

Rhea didn’t even bother to go to Finn after the match ended, and neither did Damian. They were both so livid on what he’d allowed to happen to Y/N that the last thing they wanted to do was celebrate. Finn stood in the ring and looked at Y/N in horror as his partners went to her side. 

“Y/N? Baby, hey! Look at me!” Damian said as his big hands cupped Y/N’s face. Her jaw was already starting to bruise from the kick she’d received. Her eyes opened and closed as she groaned in pain, barely able to focus on the faces of her partners above her. “I know, we’re gonna fix it. I promise!” Rhea comforted her, slowly helping her babygirl sit up before turning to look at Finn. 

If looks could kill. Finn Balor would have been dead on the spot. 

— —

The tension around the group was thick once they got backstage; no one wanted to deal with Finn, but at the same time each of them wanted to give him a piece of their mind. Dominik, Damian, and Rhea each glared daggers at him in the locker room while they waited for Y/N to come back from medical. Finn could feel the stares. “I need you all to stop starin’ at me like fuckin’ vultures.” He said. 

“We’re staring because we’re waiting for you to say something!” Rhea said out of frustration. “Do you realize what even happened out there? You did this, Finn!” She said, anger laced through her voice. Damian stood up this time and slowly went toe to toe with his partner. “I hope she’s proven herself to you.” He said. “Because if that didn’t do the job then I don’t know what the fuck else you want from her.”

Finn turned his head away from Damian. He couldn’t look at his partners because he knew they were right. But he couldn’t admit that yet. “You act like I don’t feel like garbage.” He mumbled. All three of them scoffed, this time Dominik being the one to speak up. “You sure aren’t acting like you feel bad.” He said. “You haven’t apologized once to her. You haven’t talked about it once since you guys got back here!”

Damian crossed his arms and paced the room, continuing to stare holes into Finn. “You have to fix this.” He said, pointing at his partner. “You got her into this mess because she needed to ‘prove herself’ to you, so you can make it better.”

Before Finn could answer, Y/N opened the door with an ice pack to her jaw. Beneath the ice was a harsh bruise that was already turning black and blue, and she had a nice bruise on her back from the impact of the table. She looked at each of her partners, Finn’s look a lot shorter than the others, and they each looked at her with pity for what happened. Damian was the first to move closer to Y/N, wrapping his arms around her and kissing the top of her head. 

Y/n clearly wasn’t in the mood to talk or deal with anything else for the night. She stayed in his arms and closed her eyes before letting out a soft sigh. “I’m gonna head out.” She mumbled into Damian’s broad chest. He nodded and pulled away to grab her bags. “I’ll go with you.” He said softly. 

“Count me in.” Rhea said and grabbed her own things. Dominik didn’t even need to say a word; his silent glare at Finn as he stood up and walked out with everyone else was enough of a sign that he had no desire to be in the room any longer. The Punisher and The Eradicator walked out of the room with Y/N, and Rhea looked at Finn once more before she left. 

“Fix this.” She mouthed, before walking away and closing the door on The Irishman.

[sneakyboymerlin]

If no merwaine, then why…

Transcript and analysis below ⬇️

Transcription:

Gwaine: Thanks for everything that you did for Eira.

Merlin: There’s no need to thank me, it was the least I could do. And you seem to care for her.

Gwaine: I could hardly leave her for the Saxons, now, could I?

Merlin: [teasing] Was that your only reason for rescuing her?

Gwaine: [lying] Of course.

[Saxons attack. Gwaine fights them off, but one knocks Merlin to the ground. He curls up and shields his face, completely helpless.]

Merlin: [screaming] Gwaine!

[Gwaine turns his back on the man he’s fighting and saves Merlin. He finishes off the last Saxon without even looking, eyes still on Merlin. He helps Merlin off the ground.]

Gwaine: Are you okay?

Merlin: Yeah, I- I think so. Thank you.

Gwaine: There’s no need to thank me, Merlin. It was the least I could do.

aaaaaaand END SCENE!

To start off with, we have a self-aware parallel in Merlin and Gwaine’s dialogue. We’re going to be examining the subtext of this conversation.

Subtext is simply what can be inferred without direct statement or revelation. It is not, as fandom is wont to believe, inserting any meaning you want between the lines: it is a cohesive message expressed by indirect means. Here’s an example:

A student goes to turn in his paper. After looking through two pages, his teacher asks, “Are you sure you want to turn this in?” The subtext of this question is the intended clue to the student that the paper is not ready yet to be turned in and he should edit through it again.

Moving forward… The repetition of, “There’s no need to thank me, it was the least I could do,” is a deliberate allusion to a core theme of Merlin and Gwaine’s relationship through the years: helping another soul—soon to be friend—in need, with no expectation of a reward.

The subtextual reading of this parallel, of course, is that Merlin does not owe Gwaine, and vice versa, because that is not why they help each other. They do it because they care about one another. As a result, they’ve both helped each other innumerably. Gwaine alludes to the help Merlin’s given him as a way of saying that there is no need to return the favor, because 1) he didn’t do it expecting a favor in exchange, and 2) Merlin has more than repaid the favor already.

Another instance where we see this kind of exchange between them is in this deleted scene from 4x07 The Secret Sharer (scene 47 at 15:10).

Transcript:

Gwaine: We’ll find him.

Merlin: I won’t forget this.

Gwaine: I haven’t done anything.

Merlin: One day I’ll repay the favor.

Gwaine: Considering the trouble I get into, that may prove to be a rash promise.

[Gwaine offers Merlin some food]

Merlin: I’m full.

Another deleted scene (they really did just delete every meaningful Gwaine scene in s4 huh) which we have only a script for (though it’s possible it was recorded and the audio edited out) is when Gwaine and Arthur ride out to find Merlin in 4x06 after he’s been captured by bandits. Although this scene did not make the final cut, it is referenced again when Gwaine calls Merlin “Bog Man,” so it clearly has a place amidst the canon material.

(Find the transcription here.)

I think it speaks for itself here, but, “And finding him will be reward enough?” truly captures the selfless devotion that Gwaine feels for Merlin.

Fandom generally accepts the idea that Gwaine would do anything for Merlin, but that Merlin never seems to do the same in return. However, this is likely a misconception of what counts towards a returned favor. Merlin is a physician, not a warrior. Or, as Morgana puts it, “a lover” (not a fighter). We cannot expect Merlin to help Gwaine in the same area of expertise that Gwaine helps him in. He applies himself in other ways.

When they meet in 3x04, Gwaine offers Merlin and Arthur aid in a tavern brawl where they’re clearly outnumbered. Gwaine is injured when his opponent pulls out a knife in a fistfight, and Merlin rushes to tend to his wound. Already, a favor is given and returned between the two.

And, while Gwaine does intend to help both Merlin and Arthur, not to mention the tavern employees, he takes a special interest in Merlin. Merlin is the only one who Gwaine takes the time to introduce himself to mid-fight, even as Merlin shouts for him to watch out as he is being actively attacked. And then, of course, Gwaine does fall to an attack. Merlin treats his injuries both on the spot and back in his own chambers.

One could argue that the introduction of Gwaine to Eira follows a similar format, with Gwaine coming to her rescue, only for her to save him when their attacker knocks him to the ground. Perhaps Gwaine even takes on Merlin’s role as caretaker from 3x04 when he brings Merlin in to treat Eira in 5x12, as opposed to receiving the treatment himself. Then again, it might be more similar to the scene in 4x07 where Gwaine jumps in to battle against Alator’s guard. Like Eira, Merlin also rescues Gwaine when he’s knocked to the ground (though Gwaine doesn’t know it).

As we can see, though, Merlin is not lying when he tells Gwaine, “I’d do the same for you,” in 3x08, nor when he tells Gwaine, “One day I’ll repay the favor,” in the deleted scene from 4x07. Merlin and Gwaine have different services to offer, but they offer to help all the same.

The next portion of the aforementioned 5x12 scene on our to-dissect list is the actual subject matter of the conversation, followed by a visual representation of the very same act.

After Gwaine thanks Merlin for helping Eira, Merlin mentions that Gwaine “seem[s] to care for her.” Gwaine, in an effort to avoid the sexual and romantic implications, diverts to the chivalrous explanation: “I could hardly leave her to the Saxons, now, could I?” Merlin teases him with no relent, though, and asks, “Was that your only reason for rescuing her?” Gwaine responds with a curt, “Of course.”

The subtext of this conversation is that Gwaine’s hurried involvement to protect/take care of Eira stems from a crush on her. This is true, as there were many enemies around, but Gwaine chose the one attacking the pretty “damsel in distress” to fight. He then takes one long look at her and decides to forgo the battle to take her to safety.

Merlin can’t help but notice Gwaine’s feelings for her. She is, after all, staying in his bed even after her wound has been treated, so there is a connection between them… much like Gwaine stayed with Merlin for the remainder of 3x04 until he had no choice but to fulfill the demands of his banishment. This is especially interesting, since the wound that Merlin treats Eira for is on her leg, which is the same spot where Gwaine was stabbed when they first met. Merlin similarly wrapped his wound at the time.

But the main point is the fact that Gwaine rescued Eira from the Saxons with a single-minded fervency, in part because he was attracted to her, and then quickly grew attached.

Gwaine then proceeds to rescue Merlin from Saxons a matter of seconds after this is established.

Allow me to remind you of Gwaine’s sudden change of course in saving Eira.

Now compare this to his rescue of Merlin.

Let’s take a closer look at their dialogue:

Merlin: You seem to care for her.

Gwaine: I could hardly leave her for the Saxons, now, could I?

Merlin: [teasing] Was that your only reason for rescuing her?

Gwaine: [lying] Of course.

When applied to Gwaine’s rescue of Merlin, the conversation about Gwaine rescuing Eira takes on a more powerful meaning. After all, Eira is a virtual stranger who ends up being the traitor in the court. Gwaine sends her to her execution on Merlin’s word (via Gaius as the messenger), whereas Merlin is someone Gwaine has known for nearly a decade. There is a consistent history of Gwaine acting as Merlin’s body guard, which is being enacted again now as Gwaine escorts Merlin through the Valley of the Fallen Kings.

This is also one of the last ever scenes between Merlin and Gwaine. In truth, we are being shown a brief summary of their relationship as it comes to its narrative end—one last hurrah, if you will. And what they choose to show us is Gwaine protecting Merlin in an act of unconditional love.

Eira, like any character, is a plot device. Her interference leads to Merlin being trapped in the Crystal Cave, and Gwaine being tortured for information on Merlin and Arthur’s location. However, her presence as a person Gwaine wants to protect is meant to evoke the memory of every time Gwaine has protected Merlin. The chosen method to imply this was by creating a parallel between Gwaine’s protectiveness over the woman he’s currently sleeping with to his protectiveness over Merlin. Take that as you will.

[sadisticsongbird]

playing god's game ~ coriolanus snow

two

warnings: none that i can think of

word count: 3.8k

a/n: i thought i had it on a scheduled post but she was still sitting in my drafts this morning. here we are. CHAPTER TWO!

series masterlist

“Everyone else is dismissed to class,” your professor said from the front of the stage. 

You knew you had to move, but you were frozen in your seat. It was over and your name wasn’t called. And Coriolanus Snow was gloating about it, his smirk directed towards you. Sejanus was also looking in your direction, filled with concern, but you weren’t looking at him. Your attention was locked on Snow. Your shyness wouldn’t let you look away. Besides the coldness, there was something captivating about his eyes. He held your gaze as long as he could before he was whisked away to discuss tomorrow.

Looking down at the floor, you gathered yourself before finally standing. You had to go to class carrying the shame of failure upon yourself. Was it even worth it? To continue your education when you knew that there was nothing for you beyond? Before you knew it, your feet were carrying you away from the school and back towards the Corso where your decaying house stood. 

You felt numb. After all of the late nights you had endured making sure that your work was nothing short of impeccable, after all of the hours you committed to serving your country and its people, after all your work, it wasn’t worth anything. You believed, actually believed that you could do this. Win. But all you did was prove everyone else right about you. That you weren’t worth it. 

You didn’t know how much time had passed, laying in your bed before you heard a knock on the door. Thankfully, your mother was still sleeping, but the noise had woken you up. The pounding continued until you made it to the front door, swinging it open to see Sejanus. 

“Sej, what are you doing here?” your voice cracking. The sleep and tears had caused your throat to hurt a little. 

“I came to see how you were. You weren’t in class after I got back, so I figured you had gone home,” he said, still standing outside your apartment door. 

There were a few moments of silence before you finally collapsed into his chest. He barely caught you, but you didn’t touch the ground. He let you cry into his chest as he picked you up and brought you into the room, kicking the door shut behind him.

“Shh, Y/N, it’s okay.” His hands moved through your hair, trying to calm you down. 

“Did you know?” you asked, sobbing.

“No, NO,” he reassured. “I knew as much as you did. I knew that my father had been planning something, but I couldn’t have known that it was this. I would have warned you.”

That gave you some peace, knowing that this affected everyone hoping to win. You brought your head up from his chest, willing yourself to look him in the eye. “How did I not-” you started, before your voice gave out once again.

“I don’t know.” He brought his hand up to wipe away your tears. You smiled into his touch, knowing that he cared. 

Interrupting the moment was the sound of your mom screaming from inside her room. Sejanus knew immediately what it was. He was just about the only one who knew the true condition of your family. You had been able to be vulnerable with him because, although he had money to sustain him for the rest of his life, he did know what it was like to live a life hiding what you truly were. As much as Sejanus hated the way that things operated in the Capitol and how much he just wanted to be HOME in the districts, he had to put up a front and be as Capitol as he could to hide those feelings from his classmates. You sympathized with him, having to live out a life you didn’t necessarily agree with. While your dispute with the way the government has been run after the war didn’t run as deep as his, the one thing you could agree on was the Hunger Games. It was dishuman, sending kids your age into an arena to fight for their lives by killing one another. It didn’t seem representative of what a newly organized government was supposed to be. 

Both you and Sejanus moved at the noise, but you pushed him back, wanting to see the state of your mother before you allowed him to help. She wandered out of her room and down the hall. After last night's nightmares, her hair was all tangled and greased with sweat. You knew you should give her a bath but you waited until he was gone, so you opted for bringing her to the table to feed her. She hadn’t eaten well for you lately, barely taking more than three bites off of her plate, but hopefully with Sejanus’s help, you could convince her to eat more. Part of you knew it was because he reminded her of your father, which you disagreed with, but as long as it made her happy, you didn’t care. 

“Y/N, are you home?”

“Yeah, Mama. I am. Sejanus is here, too,” you said, making your way over to her and brushing your hands through her tangled head. At the mention of Sejanus, she moved her gaze from the ground to look over your shoulder at the boy. She didn’t smile. Only glanced. 

He waved to her, though she didn’t acknowledge him. Regardless, he came up behind you to exchange your mother so that you could go to the kitchen. You weren’t sure exactly what you were going to make, your fridge practically empty. He brought her to a seat at the table, sitting and conversing with her while you made something up for her to eat. It wasn’t much, but you only had so much bread and marmalade left. It would be another few days before you could pick up some more food from the Corso marketplace. 

As you reentered the dining area, Sejanus seemed to be telling your mother a story while she kept a dead stare down towards her placemat on the table. You set the plate down in front of her, redirecting your own gaze to Sejanus. 

“Don’t you have to get back to class?”

“I haven’t been here too long. Are you trying to kick me out, Stillwater?” he joked, but all it did was manage to creep a small grin on your face before it disappeared again. He got up from his seat, slinging his bag around to the back of his form. “Listen, come tomorrow. Take the day off today, but come tomorrow. Don’t let them know they got to you.” 

You shrugged slightly, remembering the way that Coriolanus smirked at you from the stage. You hadn’t thought about it that way before, but by hiding, you were just reinforcing Snow’s thoughts about you right. But if you could muster enough courage and show up tomorrow, show him that it didn’t affect you, then you would. 

“Thanks, Sej,” you said, hugging him. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He mutually wrapped his arms around you, squeezing you lightly before letting you go. 

“I really have to get back now, but I WILL see you tomorrow. Just rest,” he reassured, making his way closer to the door. Leaving you standing halfway between your mother and the door, you watched as he closed the door behind him. 

“Phillip?” your mother asked from behind you when she heard the door. You turned around to see her looking earnestly at the entrance. 

“No, Mama. Just Sejanus.”

You made your way back to the table and took a seat on the chair next to her. Grabbing the piece of bread laying in front of her, you held it up to her mouth and tried to encourage her to take a bite. She opened her mouth only a little ways , but enough that you could slide the food in between her lips and persuade her to take a bite. 

How were you going to break it to your mother that your lives as you knew it were going to be over? There was nothing that you could do now to ensure that your family name was upheld, that you could get a job, make something of yourself. At least now you could stay home and take care of your mother after graduation. But you knew that you didn’t want that. 

“What am I gonna do, Mama?”

“They can’t just…do that? Can they?” Tigris asked, standing in Coriolanus’s doorway. 

“I don’t know, but they did,” he said, pulling his bag over his head to set down on his bed. “All I know is that this is the last chance to REALLY prove myself. All that’s standing in between me and the money now are 23 people.”

“Did they happen to mention what the final test was?” she asked, skeptic of the hidden motives behind this change in rules. “It can’t be a happy coincidence that the Reaping for the games is tomorrow.”

The Games? Between the hustle of worrying about the Plinth Prize and his schoolwork, he forgot that the Reaping was even close to approaching. Could the final test be involved with this annual bloodbath? 

“It’s possible, but I’m sure that it will just be academic like every other qualification. To involve the games is a challenge on a whole other level.” Not one that he wouldn’t be willing to complete, but a challenge nonetheless. “All they asked was for us to be dressed up in the assembly hall tomorrow morning for our assignment.” He paused for a moment. “Would you be able to get my father’s shirt ironed out for tomorrow?”

His cousin smiled at the question, eager to help Coriolanus as much as she could. “Of course, Corio.” She walked over to his closet, pulling out one of the only remaining objects he has to remember his parents by. “I’ll take it with me to work this evening.”

“Are you working overnight again?” he asks. 

She gave him a knowing look. “You know we have to pay the rent somehow. With you at school all day, there’s no other way. I’ll be back before you get up,” she reassured him.

Coriolanus knew that his cousin was exhausted from all of the work she did. He had offered multiple times to get a job, but she always scolded him, telling him that his education had to come first. But that was why it was so important to win the prize money. He could not only pave his way in the Capitol but also pay Tigris back for everything she’s done to support his family. Giving one another a slight smile as a goodbye, Coriolanus watched as Tigris left him alone in his bedroom. 

It wasn’t super late yet, but the toll of starvation was beginning to set on him, making him want to sleep. He wasn’t proud of it, but he had managed to hide the misfortune of his family for years, always desperately trying to seem like he wasn’t out of place. It was always hiding the fact that he hadn’t eaten in days. It was always hiding the sweat over his brow from having to take the long walk to school because his family couldn’t afford a driver. Coriolanus felt like a fraud, but he couldn’t let others know that. The Plinth Prize would make it so he didn’t have to hide anymore. And no one - NO ONE - was going to get in his way. 

“Tigris?” Coriolanus’s voice booms down the hall. As he nears closer to the main hall, he hears his Grandma’am singing the Gem of Panem. “Tigris, where’s the shirt?” 

As he approaches his grandmother, he compliments her briefly before asking for his cousin's whereabouts. She barely gets a word out before they both turn around to the sound of a door closing. 

“Coryo?”

“Tigris?” he responds, leaving his Grandma’am behind to find his cousin holding his father’s shirt, as white as he had ever seen it. 

“I’m sorry. I know I’m late. But look, I did it. Or, I did something. I think it’s really gorgeous.”

He took a pause taking the fabric in his hands before looking up at Tigris. “It’s beautiful. Best cousin ever. Tell me everything,” he finished, swinging the shirt around his frame to put it on. 

“Where do I start?” she began, walking down the hall and towards the kitchen. “I told Fabricia at work that she needed to bleach her white curtains and I slipped the shirt in when I did it. The tesserae buttons I made from-”

“From the bathroom tiles. Brilliant,” Coriolanus interrupted. 

“Oh. Did you find the potatoes? I boiled them for the starch and you should really eat something today.” 

Tigris opened the fridge, giving Coriolanus another view of the bare appliance from the threshold of their small apartment kitchen. His stomach growled, though he hoped his cousin didn’t hear it. “Save them for Grandma’am.”

She smiled briefly before shutting the fridge again and brushing past him once more to find their grandmother. “You look so handsome. Grandma’am! Come see!” Once they made it back to the main room, she grabbed the vest that he would wear over top of the shirt, holding it out for him to slip his arms into. “Coriolanus Snow. Future president of Panem. We salute you,” she spoke, a sarcastic manner in her tone, although he knew that it was all fun. 

Before he could even get his vest buttoned in the front, his grandmother approached him with a small red rose attached to a pin. “Grandma’am-”

“I can grow plenty more after today,” she scolded him, positioning the flower on his clothes.

He inhaled deeply before speaking again. “Got the grades, never missed class. Ten years. Even Dean Highbottom can’t deny us this now.”

“Dean doesn’t hate you.”

“He hates everyone. He despises me,” he argues with his cousin as he finishes tying the top button. There was always an underlying tone in his conversations with the Dean. Something in his eyes when he looked at Coriolanus. The blonde boy could never quite pin what it was, but he knew that Highbottom had something against him “What’s the first thing you’ll spend the prize money on? New dress? Chocolate?,” he asks, changing the subject. 

“Chocolate!” Grandma’am exclaims quietly. 

“It’s the Plinth Prize, Tigris. We’ll be able to pay the rent,” he says, securing his cuffs. “Snow lands on top.”

For a change, Sejanus came to pick you up from your house in the morning. Without having to speak a word, he gave you one of his Ma’s sweet specialties as you slipped your arm in his. You gave him a wary smile, still nervous about today. After yesterday’s events, you were scared to show your face back at school, but you knew that no one saw this failure as hard as you did. You could just blend in with all of the other unchosen students in your red uniform. Unchosen. The word left a sour taste in your mouth. 

You were pleasantly surprised when you saw the Plinth’s car waiting for you down stairs, his Ma standing outside waiting to give you a hug. Without a warning, you left Sejanus’s side and ran towards his mother. 

“Ma!” you screamed, wrapping your arms around her. She matched your excitement, squeezing your form in her arms. 

“How are you my sweet girl?”

“I’m well, Ma.” She always smiled when you would refer to her as ‘Ma.’ With the absence of a consistent mother in your life, she was the closest that you could get and Sejanus was more than willing to share if it meant you got to have some form of normality in your life. 

“I heard about the names,” she said, letting you go, but bringing her hand up to cradle your cheek. “I’m so sorry, Y/N/N. If Strabo or I had any control-”

“It’s okay,” you interrupted her. “I’m okay.” 

She clearly doubts your words, but doesn’t say anything, huddling both you and her son in the car. The entire ride, Ma would ask you how your mother was doing, how school was going, if you needed anything. You enjoyed your conversations with her, something you missed out on with your own mother. Sejanus would often join in, making jokes and embarrassing you, but today he sat straightforward, his gaze directed only out the window. He had barely said two words to you the whole morning. 

“Strabo’s already at the Academy. They have big announcement about the Prize this morning and needed to consult him beforehand.”

At that, your best friend scoffed from across you, making the two of you move your gaze to him. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could say anything, his mother interrupted him. 

“Sejanus. Don’t”

It was the strictest you’ve ever heard her, but you paid no mind to it as the car pulled up to the entrance of school. The front was practically barren, all  of the students, faculty, and spectators inside already. Sejanus got out of the car first, helping both you and his mother to your feet. 

The moment you entered the auditorium, you were met by Mr. Plinth and a room organized with a podium and rows of seats ready for 24 to use. 

“Darling,” Strabo welcomed his wife, briefly acknowledging you and Sejanus. 

“Hello, Mr. Plinth,” you said. Turning to your friend, you expected him to welcome his father, but all he did was stay silent, practically glaring at Strabo. You watched the interaction briefly before zoning out, focusing on the group of people that had collected in the center of the room to the right of you.

All dressed in their best, Arachne Crane, Festus Creed, Felix Ravenstill, and Coriolanus Snow. You watched as they glanced over at you and the Plinths, smirking to themselves briefly then returning to their group huddle. All except Snow who kept his gaze on you a second longer. You suddenly felt overly self-conscious. You were already aware that you didn’t fit in, the only one of the bunch neatly dressed in your red Academy uniform. Sejanus bumped your shoulder, signaling you that he wanted to get away from his parents and prepare for the ceremony. 

“Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine,” he harshly replied, dragging you over to the group you had occupied yourself with staring at. 

As you approached them, Festus was talking, but dropped his words when he saw the two of you approaching. 

“Sejanus,” Festus started, completely ignoring your presence. “You made it to the Reaping for once.”

“And you made it to graduation, Festus. We’re both shocked,” Sejanus retorted without hesitation.

“Spill it. Your father’s in charge, so what’s this rule change? Who won the prize?” Arachne asked. 

“Oh, no, I’m not gonna ruin my father’s big day. No one here actually likes him, but they do love his money.” He paused. “You know what that’s like, don’t you, Arachne?”

You chuckled next to him, hearing another small laugh across from you. Looking up, you found Coriolanus with a smile on his face. When his eyes met yours, it was as if it wasn’t there in the first place

“Funny,” Arachne sarcastically commented. 

Suddenly, a fanfare played above all of the voices in the auditorium, signaling to everybody that they had to find their seats. You began walking along Sejanus towards the front where he was to sit, but before you could get there you stopped and slotted yourself amongst the crowd right behind the 24 chairs. 

“I’ll come find you after.” 

You smiled at him, fiddling with your fingers as you watched him walk away and sit where you longed to be right now. The anthem continued to play as a laugh was heard from the front podium. 

“How tantalizing to see all your shining young faces on this auspicious day,” the voice boomed. Raising your head, your body froze with fear. “I am Dr. Volumnia Gaul, your humble Head Gamemaker, in charge of the War Department and all its affiliated concerns. I’ve broken free of my laboratory today, to examine you. The leaders of the next generation. I won’t be around forever, after all.” She laughed briefly at her words. “And now to that end, I am honored to introduce to you the creator of the Hunger Games themselves. Dean Casca Highbottom.” With her closing words, she brought herself down from the podium, finding a spot in the dark to sit and observe the rest of the assembly. 

Anyone hardly ever saw the Head Gamemaker, usually keeping herself locked up in the labs to concoct the next big thing to improve the decade old games. You knew that people were getting tired of watching, but with the threat of Dr. Gaul as a gamemaker hanging over their head, no one dared not to seem interested. 

A small grumble came from the back of the room, making everyone turn around to see the Dean facing the back of the auditorium. There was a moment of silence that deafened the space before he cleared his throat and finally spoke up. 

Making his way towards the front, he began. “Select students, faculty, and, of course, Dr. Gaul, I have summoned you all here today for the 10th annual Reaping Ceremony in which we choose two children from each district to throw into the Capitol Arena to fight to the death in the Hunger Games.” All eyes followed the short man as he made his way down the aisle. “And here sit our own 24 top prospects, all waiting to hear the results of hard study in this prestigious institution. Well…” The dean began to laugh to himself. “...almost all 24.”

A murmur made its way through the crowd of the students, wondering what the catch was. 

“It was brought to myself and Dr. Gaul’s attention yesterday that Ms. Price,” he said, gesturing to the girl in the blue dress directly behind Sejanus, “has been caught cheating in her schoolwork.” He emphasized ‘cheating.’ “So, Ms. Price, you will no longer be considered for the Plinth Prize. You will be escorted to the entrance on suspension for the remainder of the year.”

You glanced toward the group that was sitting around her, watching Festus chuckle under his breath as the girl sat there, face red as your uniform. She didn’t move from her seat until two members of the Academy faculty gathered her to bring away.  The entire auditorium followed her as she was removed from the building, down the aisle that the dean had walked only moments ago. 

“Y/N Stillwater.” 

At the mention of your name, you turned around, making sure you weren’t hallucinating. But sure enough the dean had said your name.

“Please make your way to the front.”

[flynnriderishot]

can you pls do a story about the song "back to december" by taylor swift with matt.

IM ACTUALLY IN LOVE WITH YOUR STORIES ‼️

back to december - m.s

warning: despite reading the meaning behind the song and listening to the lyrics, i’m not sure i fully understood what it’s about (aside from taylor apologizing) so i did my best as i haven’t listen to many songs on the speak now album. also- i’m so sorry for the long wait :)

when you broke up with matt, his heart was absolutely shattered.

his mind went a million miles an hours trying to figure out what he did wrong. and each time he came up short.

he loved you like you wanted to be loved.

he treated you like you were the only woman in his life. because you were.

you were everything to him.

so what did he do to deserve you leaving him so randomly?

truthfully, he did nothing wrong. he was so perfect.

so perfect that you felt like you didn’t deserve him.

you took him for granted. and that’s why you felt you weren’t worthy of that love.

you believed that someone else deserved matt’s love.

matt, on the other hand, thought otherwise.

he loved you and you loved him, so why didn’t it work out?

that same question lingered in the back of his mind everyday since you broke up with him. since you left him in the rain outside your house with dying roses in his hands.

since you ignored his calls and texts begging you for a reason. since blocked his number completely, leaving him with that one question sitting in the back of his mind.

why?

in a few minutes, matt would be getting his why. he’d be getting his apology.

now, was he ready for it? not really.

on one hand, he didn’t want to see you. he was fearful that his heart would only break more when he saw your face for the first time in months.

but on the other, he knew he deserved an explanation.

he deserved to know why.

but the minute you walked through the doors of the old diner you two used to visit every friday, he wanted to change his mind.

•••

“hi, matt.”

“hey.”

the silence was loud.

“i’m sorry—“

“why?” he pulled his lips in to force himself to stay strong.

“i’m not sure.” you inhaled softly, “but i do know that i am so sorry, matt.”

he didn’t respond.

both a good and bad thing, you thought.

“in my mind, i was doing the right thing. i didn’t know how much me ending things would affect you, and i’m sorry for that. there’s not much i say to prove that. all i can do is apologize. and i know it’ll be a while until you forgive me, and i completely understand that. but just know— it wasn’t your fault.”

he seemed to let out a sigh of relief at your words.

“what i did was wrong and i will forever regret leaving you, and that’s something i’ll have to deal with because i didn’t realize what i was leaving until it was gone.” you admitted,

“i truly wish we could go back and i can be more careful with your heart and treat you the way you deserve. i just wasn’t ready to take in the love you had to give and that’s okay. but now… you can hopefully move on and eventually forgive me.”

matt let a small smile slip at the short laugh you let out. his eyes were full of understanding. he didn’t know what he understood, exactly. but seeing you now and getting the closure that he was far from at fault, seemed to heal his heart little by little.

but that didn’t mean he too didn’t wish you could go back to the time you spent together before all of this.

[nunan-neomuyeppeoseo]

Hihii I just wanted to ask how your doing and I wanted to drop a request in here !!

Top! Jeonghan x bttm! Male reader

[ ] I'm down bad for jeonghan it's not even funny anymore.

[ ] Ok so get this the reader and jeonghan are childhood bestfriends and they debut in svt together (already cute ik) so jeonghan is so madly inlove with the reader and spoils him endlessly and the reader can literally do anything and jeonghan would still look at him with the most adoration in his eyes the world has seen . And during Nana tour (you can watch it for free on dramacool) the fans literally see them all cuddly with eachother (they are normally too but it was even more ) and then fans like make cute posts about them and stuff (I forgot to add that they are in a relationship)

𝗁𝗂𝗂𝗂, 𝖨'𝗆 𝖽𝗈𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗉𝗋𝖾𝗍𝗍𝗒 𝗐𝖾𝗅𝗅 𝗂𝗆 𝗁𝗈𝗉𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗀𝗈𝗈𝖽 𝖺𝗌 𝗐𝖾𝗅𝗅! 𝖨'𝗅𝗅 𝖺𝖽𝗆𝗂𝗍 𝖨'𝗆 𝖺𝗅𝗌𝗈 𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗒 𝖽𝗈𝗐𝗇 𝖻𝖺𝖽 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗃𝖾𝗈𝗇𝗀𝗁𝖺𝗇, 𝖨 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗂𝖽𝖾𝖺 𝗌𝗈 𝗆𝗎𝖼𝗁 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖨'𝗅𝗅 𝖻𝖾 𝗌𝗎𝗋𝖾 𝗍𝗈 𝖼𝗁𝖾𝖼𝗄 𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝖼𝖾𝗋𝗍 𝗐𝗁𝖾𝗇 𝖨 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝗍𝗂𝗆𝖾!!

𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 ── 𝗒𝗈𝗈𝗇 𝗃𝖾𝗈𝗇𝗀𝗁𝖺𝗇

𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋 𝗌𝗂𝗇𝖼𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗂𝗋 𝖿𝗂𝗋𝗌𝗍 𝗆𝖾𝖾𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀, 𝗃𝖾𝗈𝗇𝗀𝗁𝖺𝗇 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝖼𝗈𝗆𝗉𝗅𝖾𝗍𝖾𝗅𝗒 𝖾𝗇𝗋𝖺𝗉𝗍𝗎𝗋𝖾𝖽 𝖻𝗒 𝗆!𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋, 𝖿𝗋𝗈𝗆 𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗉𝖾𝗋𝗌𝗈𝗇𝖺𝗅𝗂𝗍𝗒 𝗍𝗈 𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗅𝗈𝗈𝗄𝗌. 𝗃𝖾𝗈𝗇𝗀𝗁𝖺𝗇 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝖼𝗈𝗆𝗉𝗅𝖾𝗍𝖾𝗅𝗒 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗎𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗅𝗒 𝗂𝗇 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴

○▹ 𝗂𝖽𝗈𝗅 𝗃𝖾𝗈𝗇𝗀𝗁𝖺𝗇 𝗑 𝖺𝖽𝖽𝖾𝖽 𝗆𝖾𝗆𝖻𝖾𝗋 𝗆!𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋 (𝖿𝗍. 𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝗌𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗇𝗍𝖾𝖾𝗇) 𝘄𝗰. 𝟦𝟤𝟪 𝘄. 𝗌𝗅𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍𝗅𝗒 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗇𝗀𝖾𝗋 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋 (𝟣𝟫𝟫𝟪 𝗅𝗂𝗇𝖾𝗋), 𝗃𝖾𝗈𝗇𝗀𝗁𝖺𝗇 𝖻𝖾𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖽𝗈𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗌𝗆𝗂𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗇, 𝗀𝖺𝗒

Even from the beginning, Jeonghan thought that m!reader was beautiful. Although he was three years younger and a male at that, Jeonghan truly believed that he was one of the most captivating people he has ever encountered.

It was 2013 when Jeonghan joined Pledis, only being 17 at the time he had instances of crushes as well as previous relationships, however when m!n joined in early 2014 Jeonghan could understand this wasn’t just a simple crush, he was completely and utterly enamoured by m!n, whether it was his glowing personality or even his abilities as an idol, whatever it was, it caught Jeonghan’ s heart like a net and refused to let go and God he didn't mind at all.

Later into both their careers, Jeonghan finally regained the courage to confess in early 2020 just when covid had hit, and luckily m!n had returned his feelings, their relationship only seemed to blossom to conscious touching to Jeonghan’ s bold displays of affection on and off camera, and although the couple never explicitly told fans their had their inklings especially when October 2023 rolled round along with their ‘NANA Tour’.

With the freedom of being a relationship within a group, Jeonghan didn’t have to worry about the headlines of his ‘out of character’ behaviour: especially with the fact he participated in skin ship with a lot of the younger members, however what did catch both fans and non fans attention was his actions towards the third youngest member. Sticking to him like glue, never letting m!n move to far away from him even if it was a few metres.

Jeonghan was aware that this 'new' him would cause a lot of attention, but at this point he couldn't care. He was finally happy, even if the relationship was secret, he was in love and that's all he could ask for.

Following the tour, fans were still pondering the topic of ‘Jeonghan & m!n’ compilation videos, along with ‘evidence’ proving their relationship.With clips spanning from that disastrous green room.             

Yet all the fans could agree on one thing, Jeonghan gazed at m!n like he hung the moon and m!n looked at Jeonghan like he was his soulmate: that’s all the fans could ask for, two of the members finding solace in each other even if that means Jeonghan lets the younger of the two get away with anything causing even more fights in GOSE episodes, both the fans and the other members could live with little meaningless disagreements if it meant something much more meaningful would grow and flourish.

[nexysworld]

Guardian Angel 🖤 Part 1 🖤

Read on AO3 - Requests are Open - Masterlist

Read Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | 4.1 | 4.2| 4.3

Summary: Leon was your regular friendly neighbor, always helping you out. He’s just a nice friendly guy. Simple as that… or so you thought. As his obsession with you increases you'll soon learn just what type of man your seemingly friendly neighbor truly is.

🖤Pairing: Yandere!Leon/Fem!Reader 

🖤Tags (not all apply to all chapters): NSFW, Masturbation, Dubcon, Sex, Gaslighting, canon typical horror and gore descriptions, probably eventual kidnapping or kidnapping like behavior, use of pet names like bunny. Will add more tags as the story goes on

@hxllfiredoll Gave me Yandere!Leon brainrot, so here we go! I picture at least RE4R Leon in this. Let’s a gooooooo! 

Leon had changed since the events of Raccoon City. He was no longer the bright eyed rookie cop who had the whole world ahead of him. Now he was in a much darker place, he’d seen the worst the world had to offer and he was not impressed. This world was no place for someone as perfect as you.

He felt like you were his flower trapped in a glass à la Beauty and the Beast, and without him there the glass would be removed by the world, each petal plucked from you until soon there’d be nothing left of his flower. You needed him obviously. What would you do without him? 

~♡🖤♡🖤♡🖤♡🖤♡🖤♡🖤♡🖤♡~

You didn’t know much about Leon, he was your neighbor and kept to himself mostly. You knew he worked for the government, but didn’t know what that entailed. You knew he was beyond handsome, but awkward as hell, at least from what you observed. You remembered coming up the stairs to your shared apartment building and the girl from apartment 202 had cornered him. Despite her best efforts and subtly hitting on him, she was met with a solid, “ok.” You don’t think you’ve ever seen someone escape behind a door faster than watching his honey blonde hair bounce with the speed of his movements. The next time you saw him you ran straight into him because you weren’t paying attention, dropping all of your grocery bags.. “Oh god I’m so sorry.” You said, reeling from how knocking into him was like hitting a wall with how built he was. “Hey, it's ok, I should’ve been watching where I was going.” He said. “Here let me help you with that.” Effortlessly he managed to pick up all of your bags and carry them to your apartment for you. “Thanks Leon.” “Don’t worry about it.” He gave you a quick smile before leaving. Really you thought Leon was just a naturally caring guy. I mean not all guys who are ridiculously good looking are assholes, right? That’s just a stereotype, and Leon would prove that to you often. It seemed like Leon was always somehow there to help you, with friendly neighborly gestures. Out of sugar? Sure you can borrow his. Laptop not working? Don’t worry he’s good with electronics. Furniture needs moving? Well it’s a good thing he’s strong. Really Leon was one of the nicest guys you’ve ever met. He just exudes a sense of friendly trustworthiness that you couldn’t explain. Maybe it was his soothing voice, or those steely blue eyes that you tried not to get lost in when you’d speak with him. Sometimes you’d find yourself inventing problems in order to speak with him and ask for help. You chalked it up to a little crush, nothing more than that. You wouldn’t allow it to be so, you had a boyfriend already, plans for the future. You weren’t the type of girl who’d throw that all away for some hot guy. Besides, Leon didn’t like you like that anyway, if he did you're sure you would know. He’s just a nice friendly guy. Simple as that. 

~♡🖤♡🖤♡🖤♡🖤♡🖤♡🖤♡🖤♡~

Leon thought about you a lot. When you’d leave he’d work his brain to remember the lingering scent of your floral perfume, the way you shyly tucked your hair out of your face when you talked with him. Most importantly that adorably sweet voice that ran like honey through his ears. He couldn’t believe such a little bunny like you lived right next to him. So sweet. So cute. So needy. Always knocking on his door for one thing or another. Under normal circumstances he would find himself irritated with the outside intrusion. When Leon wasn’t at work he liked to disassociate from life, what else was the point? Fight the bad guys. Go home. More pop up. Repeat. The world wasn’t kind, it wasn't fair. There was no point in anything else. But then you moved in. The girl next door. You became the point, the pinnacle of his future. His salvation. His new purpose. 

Slowly Leon began to notice that you needed his help more than you even realized. How did you even survive before meeting him? He began to follow you home from work, just to make sure you were safe of course. You were just a little hazard to yourself honestly. You didn’t look both ways before crossing the empty roads. You kept your social security card in your purse (don’t ask how he knows that.) You were too much of a people pleaser to avoid the strangers who’d stop to talk to you. Too dumb to know better than to wear such short little skirts out in public. 

Even worse was your home defense, I mean it took almost nothing for Leon to get into your apartment while you were away, and you certainly didn’t notice the little changes he made. Like the tiny cameras seated within your potted plants, the eye of the teddy bear you kept on your nightstand. You left your laptop open right on the kitchen counter! He didn’t even need to use his government equipment to get into your stuff. One hour of his time and all of a sudden all your texts and emails were popping up on his own secondary phone, your social media, everything.

 Stupid, stupid little bunny. The only thing worse than your ability to protect yourself was that hoity-toity upperclass hipster you called a boyfriend. Leon simply couldn’t fathom how some saucy fuck boy like that could work his way into your pure heart. He’d spent hours going through all your DM’s and texts with this man. He simply could not see the appeal. He treated you like you were too stupid to understand his profound pretentious thoughts and opinions. You were too good for scum like him. You needed a real man, you deserved a real man. 

Luckily for you, Leon was a real man. And now he found his new purpose in life was to keep you safe, keep your petals attached. You were so lucky Leon found you, he was going to give you everything you’d ever need. You’d never have to worry or think again. 

Leon had intended to do things the right way too, take things slowly. Really he did. He didn’t want you afraid of him, no he was going to be your prince, your knight in shining armor. He spent countless nights thinking of all the ways he could rid your boyfriend from existence so he could slip inside your heart and clean up the mess that was left. 

He thought of your gorgeous face, the cute little blushes you try to hide when you’re around him, how red your face would be if he finally took the plunge and asked you out. Or maybe he’d be more dramatic, going directly in for a kiss, running his tongue over your bottom lip, teasing you. Oh how precious his little bunny was.

Despite it taking every ounce of self control, Leon was determined to take things slowly, well he was trying anyway, you weren’t making this very easy, especially with the noises he was hearing from his computer. He lifted the laptop up so he could set it on the nightstand next to him. He clicked on the thumbnail of your room to blow up the image, and there you were splayed out putting on a show just for him - not that you knew that of course. 

There you were in all your glory, back arched into the mattress as you worked the toy in and out of your sopping hole with one hand while the other danced around your clit at a steady pace. Your face was flushed, lip bitten and eyes closed as you generated your pleasure. You looked so serene and ethereal, like a goddess of pleasure that he could worship. Leon felt his cock harden in his boxers, he pulled himself out and lazily stroked himself while he watched you. This was nothing new, something he’d done many times…that was until he heard your voice. “Nnng Leon…” He blinked at the screen for a moment, frozen as you softly chanted his name like a prayer. That, that was new. He knew you liked him, but he’d never seen you get off to him before. You were always such a good little girl, devoted to your future ex-boyfriend. The sound caught him so off guard he almost finished by your voice alone. He released his cock from his hand so he could grab the pair of panties of yours he kept in his nightstand, he wrapped them around his cock and continued to jerk himself while he watched you, jerking himself in rhythm with the way you toyed with yourself. He sped up when it looked like you were close, aiming to finish when you did. The second you let out a final scream of his name he felt the pleasure burst from his cock as hot ropes of cum spilled onto the laptop screen and his leg. “Don’t worry baby.” He said to the screen. “I won’t make you wait much longer for the real thing. My sweet little bunny shouldn’t have to work so hard to feel good.”

With that little scene before him, his resolve crumbled. Clearly going slow was a mistake, you needed him so badly in more ways than one. He was going to show you just how safe you are with him, how good he’ll be able to make you feel.

~♡🖤♡🖤♡🖤♡🖤♡🖤♡🖤♡🖤♡~

“Hey Derek, are you okay?” You asked as your boyfriend doubled over in the middle of the alleyway. “Yeah, just drank too much I think.” He said as the rest of his dinner came up along with what looked like blood. Under the dim lamplight you noticed that his skin was shining with sweat and there were spiderwebs of veins that looked pure black as they creeped along his skin. “D-derek…I really think we should get you to a hospital.” You said worriedly, putting your hand on his back. He spun around in a fury. “Don’t fucking touch me, I said I’m fine!” His eyes were a deep red and almost looked like they were glowing in the night. You backed away a few steps nervously. This was like a scene from a horror movie, surely it wasn’t real right? Maybe it was a prank? You gently reached out with a shaky arm to him. “H-hey, it’s gonna be alright.” He grabbed your wrist and yanked you harder than you thought possible before slamming you against the brick wall of the alley. He snarled in a way you’d never seen a human do before. “Stop, this isn’t funny.” You pleaded with him, but they fell on deaf ears. Desperately you fished around in your pocket until you found the pocket knife you kept in there. “If you don’t let me go, I’ll have to use it.” You threatened as your hand shook with tremors. The black veins had reached all over his face now, he snarled again leaning in with an open mouth indicating his intention to bite the flesh from your skin. In a scared panic you jammed the knife directly into his neck, he dropped to the ground and you ran to the end of the alley, tears welling in your eyes.

You stood staring at his body as it layed there on the ground twitching. You fished for your phone to call 911, but remembered you had forgotten it at home before your date. Fuck. You thought to yourself as you tried to ponder your next steps. Your thoughts were cut short though when you heard a disgusting sound, like flesh being torn apart, bones breaking. You looked over and saw something beginning to protrude from his face and neck. Worms? Tentacles? You weren’t sure. Surely you must be hallucinating right now, having a psychotic break. There was no other explanation for this.

You took one step forward, then another, and another until you were back in front of his body. Within seconds your face was splattered with blood as whatever it was bursted out entirely from his neck. You could see all the deformed features of his face while they danced in a mix of tentacles that were waving before you. You felt sick. You felt frozen. A gunshot rang out, and your boyfriend’s body slumped back to the ground, tentacles and all. The world became dizzy, the alley turning upside down, a voice you couldn’t make out. Someone stood over you, but you couldn’t see who as your head rattled. The next thing you knew you were out, slipping into the black void of unconsciousness. 

~♡🖤♡🖤♡🖤♡🖤♡🖤♡🖤♡🖤♡~

Leon had worked out the fastest plan to get rid of your future ex-boyfriend. It wasn’t hard for him to get a sample of the Plagas virus that the lab had been storing and it was even less difficult to inject it into the man. Of course the cleanup was a bit of a pain, blaming a DSO researcher who lived nearby, framing it on them. But when you want something done right, you gotta put a little effort in, ya know? Anything for his little bunny. Leon kept a close eye on you, closer than usual. His goal was only to frighten his little rabbit, not let her get killed or hurt more than was required. He saw the virus taking effect instantly, and noticed the odd ticks that would occur during your dinner date. Your own future ex-boyfriend and you didn’t even notice a change in his behavior until it became so obvious. He trailed you to the alleyway, hiding behind the dumpster as the scene played out. It hurt him to see you so scared. Truly it did, but you needed this. He couldn’t believe you actually walked back over to the body. See little bunny? That’s exactly why you needed Leon. The second Derek’s corpse was back on his feet, Leon drew his gun before sending a single, and final, lethal shot sending the Plagas back to the ground. He walked forward and caught you just as your body went slack. “Don’t worry sweetheart. I got you.” He said tossing you over his shoulder and into his car. His timing was perfect. He’d arrived back at the apartments just in time for the outside lights to be turned off both in the parking garage and external hallways. Carrying you to your apartment without being seen was a cakewalk. You made it even easier by staying unconscious the whole time Leon washed you up and tucked you into bed. He made sure to hide all evidence of your bloodied clothes, and of your now dead ex-boyfriend. Of course the DSO wouldn’t want the public to know that any kind of outbreak occurred, no matter how small, which meant that Derek had to disappear entirely. The government would take care of his family and friends, but you, you were all Leon’s to handle. He was nothing if not thorough to be sure, deleting any social media post, text, call log, anything at all that involved the man you once knew. Before he left your apartment, he leaned over and placed a small kiss on your forehead before slipping back over to his own apartment before the crack of dawn. Leon waited patiently for hours. Excruciating hours while you remained in your unconscious state. He knew you were about to wake though when he saw your face scrunch up on the camera, beads of sweat rolling down your forehead. 

~♡🖤♡🖤♡🖤♡🖤♡🖤♡🖤♡🖤♡~

You shot up in a panic. “Derek? Derek!” You shouted as your head pounded, your heart beat was so loud it resounded in your ears. You were more confused when your bedroom came into view and someone was sitting on the end of your bed. . . Leon? “What the —” “Hey sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” He said softly, moving towards you arm out like he was approaching a scared animal. “I heard you screaming and you didn’t answer the door so I let myself in just to make sure you were okay.” It took a few moments to process his words before you let out the breath you didn’t know you were holding. “Oh god, I’m sorry if I woke you up. I was just having a bad dream.” “Sounds like it.” He said softly, and there they were those endless blue eyes, instantly instilling comfort in you. “You sure you’re okay?” “Yeah I just…it was a nightmare that Derek died and…” She shuddered again. “Derek? Who’s that?” Leon asked, tilting his head. “A family member?” You gave him a confused look. Leon knew who your boyfriend was, they’d even met in passing once when he dropped you off at home. “No, Derek, you know him, my boyfriend?” “Derek? I don’t know anyone by that name, I didn’t even know you had a boyfriend.” He said with a soft laugh. Your eyebrows knitted together in a v-shape, more confused than ever. Maybe Leon just forgot? Maybe he was just joking with you? You reached over and grabbed your phone from the nightstand. You thought maybe giving him a call would help ease your mind, and maybe showcase to Leon you did in fact have a boyfriend. You swiped through your messages but didn’t see the text thread. You tried your snapchat, nothing. Instagram DMs, nothing. None of your threads or his accounts showed up at all. “What the fuck.” You said to yourself, hands beginning to tremble. “Is everything okay?” Leon asked softly. “Yeah I just…” You furiously swiped through your contacts and Derek wasn’t there. You tried calling his number. “Sorry the number you are trying to reach has been disconnected or no longer in service.” Something felt very wrong. You launched out of bed to your closet and dug through your old shoe boxes like a madwoman, ripping the lid off to dig through your polaroids that you had. Every single one with Derek, gone. You turned to face Leon, new tears streaming down your face. “What the fuck is going on.” You asked mostly to yourself. Leon walked over to you and ran a thumb over your cheek soothingly. “Hey, hey, calm down. Calm down. What’s wrong?” He asked softly. “What do you mean what’s wrong? Derek’s gone, everything is gone!? I was with him in the street and he died and now…now he’s just gone the pictures are gone…” You weren’t making a lot of sense trying to explain to Leon what you were talking about. Were you having a psychotic break? No way, the memories you had were real, how can you just imagine a decade of memories!?

~♡🖤♡🖤♡🖤♡🖤♡🖤♡🖤♡🖤♡~

His plan was working. Not even moments after you woke up you were already connecting your thoughts and memories to a person who no longer existed. He knew the more you pushed about this, the more lost you’d become. He wasn’t usually one for gaslighting, but he’d use any tool at his disposal for you. Don’t worry little bunny, the pain wouldn’t last long. Leon was here for you. He walked over and wrapped his strong arms around you in the tightest hug he could give you. He shushed you and rubbed your back while you sobbed. “Hey, hey it’ll be okay. It will be okay, why don’t we get you back to bed.”

He led you back to the mattress, running his fingers through your hair while you laid down. “Shhhh. Shhh.” He cooed, tucking you in tightly. When he turned to leave your arm shot out to his. “W-wait. If you don’t mind, can you stay the night? I just.. Something feels wrong. I don't want to be alone.” Of course he would stay the night with you. He nodded and sunk down on the bed next to you, above the blanket, not wanting to push his affections too far just yet. He played with your hair while you fell asleep again. Don’t worry little bunny, you were safe with him. You’ll always be safe with him. 

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: If This Is Love, You Need To Prove It {2}

Title: If This Is Love, You Need To Prove It {2}

Lewis Hamilton x Reader

Warning: Heavy Angst, Plot Heavy, LOTS OF WORDS, Heartbreak, Cursing, 

Words: 9.1k

Summary: The fall out of Lewis’ actions is real, as is the freeze out. You’re fuming but brokenhearted. Not only do you feel like a fool, but you also feel used. Moving on is the only option, but Lewis doesn’t want to move on—or that’s what his actions say. 

Note: Part 2 is here! The plot thickens. 

Note II: Italicized text is a flashback/memory or someone’s words all from some time in the past.

As always, thank you all so much for reading. I truly appreciate it!

If you enjoyed this, please, LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG!!!

***NOT Edited/Proofread***

Previous: If This Is Love, I Don’t Want It {1}

~~~~~~

“Listen to your gut about men. Your gut is never wrong.”

Your mother’s sage old advice echoed in your head. It had been one of the many lessons she’d voice recorded for you before her untimely death when you were just shy of your 18th birthday.

You’d always wondered what had motivated her to write letters and record videos for you dropping wise words, encouragement, mantras, sweet stories and other things of the sort. You often wondered if she knew she was not going to be around in the future.

 Your soft cries turned into loud wails then. Raising the bottle of dark liquor to your lips, you chugged two mouthfuls then cried from the burn. It was just another added pain onto the others you carried. It had been two days since the events at Lewis’ house. Two days you’d locked yourself in one of your family’s vacation homes off the coast of Monaco. Two days you’d been surviving on dark liquor, chocolate, ice-cream and oxygen. Two days you hadn’t answered your phone or done anything else but cry.

As if the heavens sympathized with you, the weather for the last two days had been a dreary, rainy mess. It seemed like the perfect backdrop for you, so you often sat on the deck in the rain and just cried. No care for getting sick, no care for even your hair which you normally were super careful and protective of. Everything be dammed. None of it mattered.

 Everything played in your mind over and over like a movie. It hadn’t felt real then, hell it still didn’t feel real now. You didn’t know how you’d gotten here. Everything had been going so well. For the last year and change his words matched his actions and efforts matched what you saw in his eyes. He was attentive, loving, thoughtful, giving, helpful, honest, devoted. He was perfect. It didn’t make any sense. None of this made sense.

 Could you have imagined what you saw in his eyes? All this time could he have been lying? Was he really such a smooth player and liar to be so skilled to make lies shine through his eyes? Could he really have kept up a façade for over a year? For what? Sex? Your virginity? He didn’t even know you were a virgin.

 You groaned, stood from the shower floor then turned off the water. While dripping wet, you walked to your robe then wrapped yourself in it. Ignoring anything else you walked back to your bedroom and laid down. The weather today was another shitter and again you didn’t care one bit. As you stared out the ceiling to floor window at nothing really your mind drifted away to thoughts trying to make sense of everything. your brain went left, right, up, down and around but still you couldn’t make any sense of it. As your eyelids grew heavier and heavier your brain moved on to the hurt and betrayal of it all. You’d believed, you’d tried, you’d been sold a dream and now it was proven to all be a lie.

 The next time you opened your eyes, it was a lot harder. Your eyelids felt impossibly heavy as if you wore several pairs of lashes. That wasn’t the only thing odd, you couldn’t hear anything except warbled words, high pitched beeping and wind as if a vacuum were on beside you. Writhing, you felt hands everywhere, then something powerful held you down and you felt painful pinches in your arms and thighs. You opened your mouth to scream or shout “stop” but no sound came, your throat was dry and tight. Finally, you were able to open your eyes, but everything was blurry. It was as if you were seeing through them for the first time. It hurt, they felt raw as if someone had thrown sand in them, but it was forever embedded inside.

 Then you heard your name being called but the voice was foreign. As soon as it all started it stopped. Now you heard and saw nothing—but darkness.

Beep-Beep-Beep-Beep-Beep.

You snapped your eyes open and gasped gulping in air as quickly as you could. It felt as if you’d been deprived for days.

 “Y/N!”

 Big mistake you thought as quivered from the ache in your body that felt as if it were emulating from your very bones. Then your eyes immediately burned making you shut them again as your back dropped to a bed.

 “Wh--,” you began but stopped once you recognized pain. You felt hoarse.

 The only thought in your head was, what the hell had happened?

 “It’s okay. Calm down,” your father’s voice advised as he placed his hands on your arms steadying you.

 “I know you’re confused. it’s okay. Take slow breaths. I’m here.”

 “Seriously, Jordan, you spoil her. If you coddle her like this, she’ll think she can pull stunts like this all the time,” came the shrill voice of the woman you hated most in this world.

 “Coddle? Aleeza, she almost died,” your father clarified, exasperation clear in his tone.

 “Da—da--,” you swallowed painfully hoping it would help then tried again. “Da--.”

 “Here my love, some water.”

 You felt the glass touch your bottom lip and you took a tentative sip. The first touch of the cold water over your taste buds woke you up making you feel even more like you’d crawled through the Kalahari Desert for a week. You took mouthful after mouthful until the glass was empty.

 “That a girl,” your father encouraged while gently rubbing your back.

 “Yes, she almost died because of her own negligence. Really, Y/N, disappearing for a rager and then drinking until blackout? How mature. I told you Jordan, she is nowhere ready to take on any responsibility with the club,” Aleeza blabbered on.

 Though you were confused as shit, you were seconds from leaping out of the bed and giving her a Mortal Kombat finish her move. You hated this woman, and it was evident the feeling was mutual.

 “Enough!”

 Your father’s voice boomed around the room stopping any further comments from his 2nd wife. Through the thin slits of your burning eyes, you saw that she pouted at him but quickly shaped up seeing he was not going to be fooled.

 “Either sit down and be quiet or you can wait for me in the hall.”

 You didn’t have to look at Aleeza to know she was cowering. You heard her huff, but you didn’t hear her heels clinking out the room, so you assumed she sat.

 “Sweetheart. How are you feeling?”

 You cleared your throat then spoke, “Wha—What happened?”

 “You don’t remember?”

 Shaking your head, you tried to open your eyes more to see him fully.

 “I couldn’t reach you for 4 days. You were supposed to be back in London. I got worried. None of your friends had heard from you, no one had heard from you. I ended up having to have a friend of mine hack into your phone to get your location. When I got to the house you were unconscious, burning up, shivering with vomit on you.”

 Bits and pieces finally came back to you.

 “I brought you here. You had alcohol poisoning, a bronchial infection, and your anemia had been severely triggered. You don’t have enough red blood cells honey. I thought you were taking care of yourself. You know you shouldn’t be drinking excessively. Then come to find out you hadn’t taken your medication in days. Y/N.”

 “Irresponsible.”

 “Aleeza,” your father cautioned.

 With your head down, you allowed the events leading up to today to play through your mind.

 “I’m sorry dad.”

 He sighed, pulled you into a hug and pat the back of your head like he used to when you were a kid. You melted into him and allowed your tears to fall.

 “It’s okay. I—you scared the shit out of me Y/N. I thought I was going to lose you too. I can’t lose you, not after your mother.”

 His voice was clouded with emotion and unshed tears. You knew how difficult losing your mother was for him. You could tell he still hadn’t recovered fully. Your eye caught Aleeza sitting a ways away. The look on her face brightly showed her disgust, annoyance and hatred. There was something else there too, something you couldn’t place. Was it smugness, happiness?

 “They had to pump your stomach to get rid of the alcohol. They gave you iron transfusions and IV meds for the bronchial infection, and a blood transfusion” your father further informed lifting his arm to show his bandaged forearm.

 That bad, you though as the guilt was swirling in you; “How long have I been here?”

 “Two long days,” Aleeza piped up. “Plus, the day you were found. My, my, you should be careful the state you allow others to see you in. You neeever know who snapped a picture and what they’ll do with it.”

 Both yours and your father’s eyes went to her.

 “All I am saying is plenty of tabloid trash would love a picture of Y-F-N/ Y-L-N thee daughter of F1’s most prominent front runner,” Aleeza said. “It isn’t only your name you drag through the mud, Y/N, it is your father’s—mine.”

 You narrowed your eyes, the hatred you felt for her was bubbling at the surface. You knew the woman was vile but for her to say this to you or your father spoke of how ballsy she really felt. They’d only been married for 4 years, and she thought she held the whole Y-L-N power in her hands. Before you could lurch for her and turn this hospital room into a celebrity deathmatch arena, your father sighed.

 “Wait outside Aleeza.”

 “But honey,” she whined dragging out the pet name.

 “Now.”

 Not liking his tone or that she couldn’t cutesy her way out of this she stomped then walked to the door. Once finally alone, you leaned back onto the bed and sighed. The woman was like dark matter, her leaving instantly relieved the tension in the room.

 “I’m sorry for Aleeza. She’s going through a lot with the shareholders not voting her in.”

 “She was the only one who thought they would vote her in,” you rasped.

 “They did however unanimously vote in your favor to take the next steps. Congratulations to the club’s newest and first woman in senior management.”

 You smiled hearing the confirmation that your hard work and effort had paid off.

 “Congratulations honey. Next step shareholder. Toto better watch his back.”

 You snorted then groaned feeling the pain in your chest and abdomen.

 “It serves you right. They pumped 3 times the normal alcohol consumption for the average human from your system. What the hell?”

 You sighed.

 “What’s going on?”

 You couldn’t tell him the truth. There was no way you could tell him that you’d been sleeping with Mercedes’ golden boy and major bread winner. Internal fraternization was frowned upon, hell it was practically in everyone’s contract and now that you’d been placed in senior management it could look really bad. No matter how much you hated Aleeza she was right. Your name was not yours alone. Your father had worked too long to accomplish all he had for you to fuck it up. Plus, if he found out the entirety of things you were sure he’d rip Lewis’ contract to shreds and kick his ass out of MB. You smiled thinking that, but the devious thought quickly passed. You were not that kind of person. He may have turned out to be a lying, selfish, self-centered asshole, but you were none of those things.

 “Don’t allow anyone, man, woman, or child, but especially a man turn you into something or someone you are not!”

 With your mother’s words in your head, you began; “I just got some unsatisfactory news about some investment choices I’d made outside of F1, and the family and I just felt like I’d been pushed back hundreds of steps. I was scared I wouldn’t be able to achieve the things I wanted,” you lied.

 “Honey. What have I always told you? Investments are a game, 50/50. If it’s 50 in your favor great, if not then I’m here. Me and legal the team could have quickly and easily fixed it for you. This was not necessary. Was this a cry for help like Aleeza said?”

 You disgustedly snorted. “No. Aleeza couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m fine now dad. I promise to never let this happen again.”

 He studied you with his wrinkle rimmed all seeing eyes for several long moments. With each second that ticked by, you feared he’d seen right through you. Ever since your mother’s passing, he’d taken her place and was always there for you when you’d gotten your heart broken. He was ready with the ice cream, chocolate, and Brandy. He’d stay with you while you cried offering his lifetime’s worth of advice. If he’d been the one to find you then you knew he had to have seen the empty ice cream cartons and bottles of Brandy lying around amongst the chocolate wrappers. If he had seen them, he knew very well what you were dealing with.

 A sad smile spread across his face. “All right, Y/N. I will take your word for it. Just know I am always your father first and foremost. I will always put you first and I’m always here for you.”

 You nodded and kissed his cheek. If he knew he wasn’t saying anything, and you were grateful to him for that.

 ~~~~~~~

 -3 Days Later-

“Oh my god, when we saw you were in the hospital from Daily Mail, we were so worried,” Francesca said with your hands clasped in hers.

 “Aw, I’m sorry you had to hear about it from Daily Mail—eck! However, I am perfectly fine.”

 You smiled hoping that she and all the other girls believed you. Currently, you were sitting in the conference room that you’d changed around to resemble a comfortable lounge. You’d replaced the oblong conference table and stifling office chairs with oversized bean bag chairs, comfortable designer couches and settees and other elements that gave the room a comfortable vibe.

 “I’m relieved,” Monica, your assistant said.

 “I’m thankful I have you as my right-hand woman and to have such thoughtful women around me.”

 They all beamed at you then Monica stood and walked to the corner where she took out a bouquet of flowers and a galaxy printed gift bag.

 “We all heard about your new title, and we wanted to say...”

 They all jumped up from their seats and threw sparkled confetti at you and into the air.

 “Congratulations!”

 You laughed covering your eyes as the shock washed over you. The room that had been clean seconds ago was now covered in confetti.

 “Wow, you guys. This is—wow, thank you.”

 Monica held the flowers and the gift bag to you. Happily, you took the items and took a deep whiff of them.

 “Mmm. Thank you guys. I appreciate the sentiment and I promise to be the best that I can for all of you.”

 They pooled in and hugged you. With a warm heart you forgot about the stress of the last week or so. This was what you’d worked for, this was what mattered. Your ringing cell phone brought your attention to your purse off to the side.

 “We have to go down to the garage. Are you coming?”

 You looked back at Farrah then nodded; “Give me a second, let me get this and I’ll be right there.”

 They walked to the door leaving you to dig your phone out of your purse. When you had, the caller ID had you pausing.

 💘😘Lewis😍💘

 Your heart immediately began beating out your chest. You stared at his ID and the movie that was your life over the last week or so played in your head at hyper speed. The extreme highs of being with him and being cared for by him, his words during your most intimate moments, his attention, his sex, then the extreme lows of his betrayal, his lies, his selfishness and the aftermath. Your anxiousness turned to anger then.

 This wasn’t the first time he’d called. He’d called so many times since you’d woken in the hospital. Each call of course went unanswered, even ignored. You’d think he would have gotten the hint but no, he kept calling. You thought to put him on the block list, but you hadn’t. You couldn’t. For some reason it still felt wrong, and that fact pissed you off even more. How was it wrong when this was the least of what he deserved?

 The ringing stopped, showing you’d missed his call, but even though you’d missed it, the aftereffects were still present. You cursed your damn body for its treachery and then chastised yourself for still caring and having it prevent you from blocking his ass.

 “Y/N?”

 You shook it off then walked out of the conference room with your purse in tow. As you got downstairs and began your walk to the garage your mind drifted yet again. It had been like this for the last few days. You couldn’t for the life of you keep your head in the game. The smallest things triggered a memory and that memory a slew of emotion and those emotions brought you back to present day and then you crashed—hard.

 You didn’t even realize you’d arrived until you were surrounded by interviewers who were shouting your name trying to get your attention.

 “Y/N, just a few questions.”

 “Okay, sure.”

 “We’ve heard the news of your new position. Congratulations.”

 “Thank you.”

 “Being the daughter of Jordan Y-L-N, did you immediately fall for the idea of working for Mercedes or did they have to woo you?”

 You giggled; “No there was no wooing needed. All I’ve ever known is Mercedes, F1 and racing. Was there really any other career option for me?”

 The reporters laughed all together as the cameras continued snapping.

 “You definitely have a knack for fashion and beauty so there is always that.”

 You struck a pose then fanned off the reporter. “Stop it.”

 “What is the chain of command with your new role?”

 “Uh, I’m still at the bottom of the food chain guys.”

 They laughed again.

 “We doubt that. You are the first woman to enter senior management with the organization. What a feat.”

 “I am incredibly proud of that actually. To see some real change happening to become more inclusive is so monumental.”

 “What do you bring to the Mercedes and F1 table?”

 “A woman’s eye and my entire life of information being behind the scenes, a fan and up front. Needless to say, I’ve seen a lot and I’ve learned even more, and I believe I offer a creative and modern take on the sport and can bring this side of F1 to greater heights.”

 The women you were now in charge of applauded behind you making you smile. They held so much faith in you and it was contagious.

 “Thanks guys,” you said ready to walk away.

 “One more, please, Y/N.”

 “Okay. Last one.”

 “Why do you think Mercedes offered you this role rather than someone more experienced and someone with more skin in the game? Someone who isn’t the daughter of the biggest name in Mercedes. Why you? And couldn’t you consider this nepotism that plenty of African American media users have called for so many of their white counterparts?”

 You couldn’t believe what you’d heard. The old white man who’d asked the question didn’t look in the least bit ashamed or worried about the question. He looked proud. For the first time in a long time, you didn’t know what to say to a reporter. For the first time you actually wanted to reach over and punch a reporter in the face.

 You cleared your throat then stepped forward. That was when someone stepped in front of you. A body with a head full of braids you recognized.

“What kind of question is that? Mercedes chose her because she’s worked her ass off in and around the field learning, helping and wearing more hats than you could possibly imagine. Mercedes chose her for the role because there wasn’t anyone better, no one with more experience, no one with more skin in the game. She has the most as she’s been with this division since the very beginning when it was a formulated idea between Jordan Y-L-N and his late wife, her mother. Who better to take the helm than one of the founding visionaries. As for this being nepotism according to non-POCs, why does it matter what you think? A qualified woman given a position that she is qualified and skilled to do. Isn’t that what we call equal opportunity? Now an unqualified individual given a position that they are unqualified for and highly under skilled to complete thus relying on those who should have been given the position. Isn’t that the textbook definition of nepotism and isn’t that 90% of the nonblack workforce? Y/N more than has the talk to back up the walk. Do you need clarification?”

 The interviewers all looked stunned, and their speechlessness showed just how thoroughly they’d been read. None of them continued. They just nodded and thanked him and moved on. When he turned to you, you knew you should have walked away but you were still standing there dumbstruck. Lewis stared at you, his face solemn, eyebrows knitted and a frown on his lips. From the circles under his eyes and the lack of luster to his skin you, could tell he hadn’t been sleeping. Probably fucking everything with legs, you said to yourself.

 At that thought you clenched your jaw and shook your head. Turning, you began walking.

 “Y/N, wait.”

 As if it were instinct, you stopped. Go, you screamed in your head. Walk! No matter how much you screamed at yourself, your legs didn’t move.

 “Can we talk?”

 You reared back with eyes wide from his audacity. Lewis shrunk back, flinching as if you’d slapped him across the face. You wanted to so badly your palms itched for it.

 “Please,” he softly added.

 The anger bubbling inside of you finally took over. Instead of it making you irrational and shaky, it had the opposite effect. You felt calm. With one brow raised and poison in your eyes you tapped into your bitch side.

 “You can talk to the crack of my ass!”

 With that you walked away joining your team.

 Over the next several days you wished you could have said he’d gotten the hint. He still called even when you put him on the block list. He’d use other means, Toto’s phone, the Mercedes office phones, his crew, other drivers. It was insane. You’d gotten to the point where you were screening calls by voicemail now.

 Every time you broke and listened to one of his voicemails, they sounded more and more desperate. He never said anything of substance or even explained himself. He simply rambled about the past and asked how you were together. His behavior was so confusing it put you in a state of extreme anger and dangerous sadness. You couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off, but when you did you couldn’t get past feeling weak for trying to make excuses for him.

By the middle of the week, you’d managed to avoid Lewis, and anyone associated with him. Today you’d told your father you’d accompany him to one of the races and you were now walking around the paddock with other members of the crew inspecting the car and having small chats.

 “Congratulations little Y-L-N,” came a voice you recognized.

 Spinning around, you found Toto coming toward you. Smiling, you approached him and accepted his wide stretched arms for a hug.

 “Thank you, big bad Wolff.”

 He chuckled at your nickname for him. “I hear I should watch my back within the next year or two.”

 “I didn’t say it but--,” you stretched making your father and Toto laugh.

 “All right. Well, I welcome you to take my job because then I’ll be sure you deserve it. Come play with the big boys.”

 You rolled your eyes at his teasing.

 “Are you here in senior management mode or are you a spectator?”

 “A little bit of both I guess. I’m also my dad’s plus one.”

 He nodded then looked back as someone called his name. Approaching your trio was Lewis. You released a heavy sigh then caught your father’s eyes on you. Doing your best to cover, you smiled brightly at him.

 “Lewis, feeling good for the race?”

 “Eh, I’m feeling all right.”

 “Good. You remember Jordan Y-L-N and Y/N.”

 Lewis reached out and shook your father’s hand. You noticed the tight hold your father took of him as he held him in place while slightly leaning forward.

 “What kind of man are you, Lewis?”

 “Uh--,” he began clearly confused by your father’s sudden inquiry.

 “The kind of man someone is says a lot about the kind of driver he is. Are you a good, strong, loyal man who knows right from wrong and always protects those he values or a weak man who easily falls prey to pretty words and pretty faces? Are you the kind of man who a father would be proud to hand his pride and joy over to because he’s certain she’ll be cared for properly?”

 Part of you was confused about what had gotten into him and why he was asking this while the other part of you wanted to pat him on the back and grab a cup of the tea because he was definitely getting his Wendy Williams on. They were damn good questions. You knew from experience he was the latter, but you’d let him tell it or lie. What man in their right mind would admit to being a fuckboi?

 Your eyes, your father’s and Toto’s were on Lewis waiting for his answer.

 “Em, I uh—the former, sir.”

 You snorted louder than you’d intended and now three pairs of eyes were on you.

 “Ehm, sorry, I saw something just over there with Charles.”

 Your father smirked while Lewis grimaced.

 “All right. Good to see you again Lewis. Good luck out there,” your father finished.

 Lewis nodded, thanked him then looked at you. He must have been able to see the disdain in your eyes because the only vibe you got from him was a gloomy and depressing one. What the hell you thought. He’d gotten what he wanted. Why the hell would he be anything but overjoyed?

 “Good luck Lewis,” Toto added.

 He looked at you as if he expected you to say the same. You wouldn’t. You weren’t there yet. You wished him pain. Instead of saying that, you kept your lips sealed. When he realized you weren’t going to be a sheep led by the herd, he nodded then walked away back to his crew.

 Twenty or so minutes later, the race was beginning. From behind the scenes, you watched as the lead fluctuated for the first several laps. By the time lap 40 came around, Lewis was in lead, and you couldn’t quell the part of you that was excited and proud of him. It had been so long programed in you that you hadn’t been able to turn it off yet. With effort, you stifled it and kept yourself in check.

 Lap 55 brought different results, Charles took over the lead putting Lewis in second and now the spectators were split. Some cheering for Lewis, some for Charles. Looking around you could sense the angst in the air. Lewis’ team looked on edge as did Charles’. You found it interesting that 3 weeks ago you would also be on edge hoping for the best outcome for Lewis, but everything was different now. You’d seen his true colors, seen the man underneath the pleasant mask and unfortunate for you, you’d been disillusioned.

 Biting your bottom lip, you checked your phone becoming bored with the race. Before you knew it, everyone was standing and cheering on their teams. Then you heard it, the end of the race. You looked up at the screen and saw the standings. Charles had taken P1 while Lewis was at P2. Again, you felt things a significant other would have felt, things you were not obligated or should have felt. It pissed you off more.

 “Hm, interesting,” your father said.

 “What?”

 “He rarely loses.”

 “He did seem off the last week,” Toto informed.

 You shrugged trying to convince yourself you didn’t care.

 When the cars rolled in, and everyone came in you saw the downtrodden look on Lewis’ face and you had to fight with ever fiber in your being against your instincts. You kept yourself planted right where you were and averted your eyes.

 “Charles, the man of the day,” your father began, “Congratulations.”

 “Thank you, sir. Wow, I’m speechless you know who I am.”

 “Of course. Anyone pulling stats like yours I make a business to know,” your father joked.

 “Do you know Y/N?”

 Charles’ eyes landed on you and a wide smile filled his face. He was adorable and you could see how he had the attention of so many fans.

 “I do but glad to finally be up close and personal.”

 Your eyebrow crooked at what sounded like a flirtatious line. Just behind Charles you saw Lewis watching though a sea of people surrounded him trying to get his thoughts.

 “Well up close and personal we are. Good race, congratulations.”

 You stepped in and hugged him while giving Lewis your daggered glare of death.

 “Thanks. Wow, you have such a beautiful daughter Mr. Y-L-N.”

 Your father chuckled. “Don’t I know it. It’s my curse. No matter how I try I can’t keep the boys from her yard.”

 You snorted and teasingly slapped your father’s shoulder. “Ew, dad.”

 Those around laughed as well.

 “Well not all boys in her yard are bad.”

 “Are you throwing yourself in her yard, son?”

 Charles looked at you again and smiled. “I’d be honored to be there.”

 You giggled and swatted at his chest playing up your flirtation. Lewis looked absolutely livid. Good you thought and hoped he understood he wasn’t the end of your world. There were indeed plenty of fish in the sea or in this pond.

Several hours later, you were finally walking to your car ready to go home from a long day. Your feet and face hurt from walking and smiling too much, and you couldn’t wait to wipe off all the makeup and kick off the heels. You sat in the driver’s seat with your feet outside the car then unbuckled your heels. after taking one off, you put it over your knee and massaged it sighing when you hit a particularly achy part.

 “Ouch.”

 Just then a memory hit you of Lewis massaging your feet on long days like this. He never missed a massage. Usually that massage led to other things like him nestling his head between your thighs to then lick, suck and slurp the stress of the day away. With that memory in your head, you dazed out reminiscing about all the good times. Things had been so good, so perfect. you felt the tears prick your eyes and before you could stop them, they rolled down your face.

 “Damn it,” you said on a whine as you buried your face in your palms.

 You couldn’t stop the cries that wracked your body. It was like you hadn’t shed any tears these last weeks when in fact you’d cried every day since finding Lewis exercising his right to be a man whore.

 “Fuck. Stop it Y/N. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it!”

 No matter how many times you said it the tears kept coming. You didn’t know how long you sat there barefoot and weeping. It could have been a few minutes, or it could have been an hour. You didn’t know nor cared.

 “Y/N?”

 You were crying so loud that you barely heard the voice.

 “Y/N!”

 Suddenly before you Lewis was dropped to his knees searching you.

“Are you hurt? What’s wrong? Are you all right?”

 His words were frantic, eyes wide and wild. It took a few moments to realize what was happening but instead of kicking him in his face, you made up your face and wailed even more.

 “Get the fuck—the fuck—the fuck away!”

 He didn’t.

 “What’s wrong? Did someone hurt you?”

 “Y—y—you! Asshole!”

 His hands slackened on your arms, and you saw him dip his head.

 “I—I--,” he stuttered.

 “Get away!”

 He began getting up, but you pulled him back down. “Why? Why’d you do it?! How could you!”

 You held him by his shirt like you were a gangster getting ready to pummel him. He didn’t fight you, so you released your fists in a fury of hits against his chest. No matter how hard you hit him he didn’t move, nor try to stop you. He just took it. Soon, your barrage of hits turned to you just pressing your forehead on his chest as you cried.

 “Shit, I’m sorry Y/N. I--.”

 You barely heard his words all you could focus on was the pain in your heart. Many long moments passed with the two of you like this, Lewis on his knees before you with your forehead on his chest. You hated it but he still felt like home to you. He still felt like yours. Those feelings angered you because you knew you were being stupid, pathetic and weak. You knew if he’d fucked you over once, he’d do it again and again. You weren’t blind to the games of the assholes in the world, but you couldn’t believe you’d fallen for one. You couldn’t believe you’d given one such a significant part of you and now you had nothing to show for it but the shattered pieces of your heart and clown face paint as souvenirs.

 When your sobs slowed then finally dwindled down to sniffles, and your body stilled to only sudden sharp intakes of breath every so often your senses returned. The first thing you became aware of were Lewis’ arms wrapped around you holding you close to him. The second was the fact he was kneeling between your thighs, something that felt intimate in its own standing. The third was that his two-man bodyguard team were standing a few feet away with their backs turned. That jarred you so much that you immediately felt regret.

 “Get off me!”

 You shoved him off harder than you’d intended then wiped your tear-soaked face.

 “Y/N--,” Lewis began.

 “Shut up!”

 Your voice echoed around the empty parking space. You were the only people around, but you didn’t put it past some pap to be hiding out trying to get a candid of F1’s golden boy.

 “Let me explain.”

 “Explain? You had your chance to explain. You chose to remain silent, and fuck lose pussy.”

 “I didn’t fuck anyone!”

 His voice was sharp and sudden as if he’d been enflamed to set the record straight all of a sudden. You narrowed your eyes at him and began moving trying to swing your legs inside your car. Lewis grabbed your thighs keeping you in place.

 “I didn’t.”

 “You’re a fucking liar Lewis! I was there. I saw it!”

 “You saw what I wanted you to see.”

 Your anger sparked then.

 “What the fuck does that mean? You wanted me to see you fucking other bitches? You wanted me to see you for the asshole you are. Fine! Done! I see it! Let me the fuck go!”

 He didn’t.

 “I thought I could do this. I thought I could easily do this because it was to protect you, it was to keep you safe.”

 “What! What’re you talking about?”

 Lewis rubbed across his face. He looked haunted, exhausted, and broken. “If you’re this bad off to end up in the hospital and now this—fuck. I fucked up.”

 You didn’t know what he was saying much less couldn’t understand anything. Nothing made sense.

 “Y/N, listen—I—shit—okay listen.”

 He continued to stutter as he tried to formulate a sentence but every time nothing came out. You sat there giving him time to get it together but realized your idiocy midway through. Groaning, you shoved him again.

 “Get the fuck away. You’re full of shit!”

 Managing to push him away this time, he fell backward. You swung your legs inside your car then reached for the door. Lewis put his hand on yours, stopping you.

 “Wait, please.”

 “Fuck you, Lewis. Fuck you and fuck this!”

 You shook your hand free then slammed your car door. It took you seconds to start your engine and revved out of there like F1’s newest driving talent. As you sped away you looked in your rearview mirror at a still kneeling Lewis with his hands planted atop his head. Your heart broke seeing it but that only angered you more.

 That night you struggled to get any sleep. You were in between states of hysterical crying and obsessive staring and stalking. You couldn’t make sense of anything, couldn’t understand his behavior. One minute he was telling you that all he wanted to do was live life in the fast lane and fuck around then he was holding you so tenderly and apologizing. You were getting mental whiplash from his change up and it infuriated you.

By the time the sun rose, you were still awake. As you were getting ready to shoot a message informing everyone of a personal day, you received a message telling you about a meeting at the company. You groaned knowing you did not have the energy to sit through a 2-hour meeting. You shot Toto a message telling him you’d have to pass blaming a medical appointment for the absence then decided to use the company gym to burn off some steam.

 After you’d changed and had gotten in your car, you drove to the company barely aware of anything happening around you. All of it felt like muscle memory to you. The reason why it had, you realized once you’d parked your car, was because you hadn’t driven yourself to the company. You’d driven to Lewis’ London house instead.

 “What the actual fuck, Y/N?”

 You dropped your forehead on your steering wheel and groaned. Muscle memory indeed, you thought. You didn’t see his car on the street and thought maybe he wasn’t home. Deciding now would be a good time to clear your stuff out of his place you entered the code into the alarm system then drove in once the gates opened. After parking on what Lewis had distinguished as your parking area you closed the garage door then let yourself inside using the keys he’d given you.

 This was another thing you couldn’t understand. If you were just a conquest and an easy target, why give you keys to his houses, why tell you the codes to security systems? You took off your sneakers and took them with you as you passed a large blown-up photo of the two of you hung right in the foyer. You stood stunned staring at it. You remembered this day. He’d shut down the top of the Empire State Building for a one-on-one date. Then after wining and dining you all night while whispering sweet words the entire time, he’d asked his guard to snap a few pictures. You remembered the words he’d whispered in your ear in this exact picture.

 “You make me want forever.”

 You closed your eyes feeling the tears. Willing them away you fought against your emotional side. You were tired of crying, tired of going around and around with this and him. It was time to end things, once and for all. You cut your eyes at the photo then hurried upstairs to his bedroom. The memories and his scent hit you like a ton of bricks when you walked in and again you fought it all. You couldn’t afford to get sucked back into the memories that were clearly a lie.

 After finding one of your overnight bags in his walk-in closet, you began filling it with your things. It surprised you how much of your stuff was here. It wasn’t just clothes and toiletries. It was shoes, bags, make up, jewelry, hair things, work files, even gifts you planned on giving to friends. Sighing, you packed everything you’d came with while leaving anything he’d given you. They would only hurt to find later.

 It took longer than you’d anticipated but after an hour you had three bags filled with your things. As you passed the photo again on your way out you paused to look around once more. Though it was just a few seconds, you knew you’d missed your window when you heard a car pull in.

 “Shit.”

 Hurrying, you dragged your bags behind the large bar then ducked down out of sight. The door opened and shut then you heard a heavy sigh.

 “I thought she’d be at the meeting,” Lewis said.

 “If you want to talk to her just call her,” one of his guards said.

 “If she wanted to talk to me, she would have answered the other hundred times I called.”

 “Then tell her the truth.”

 Lewis sighed again. “How?”

 His voice was close now. You guessed he was standing right at the bar. You made yourself smaller and hoped he didn’t come behind it.

 “I’m sure when you start the words will come.”

 The door opened again then you heard the voice of his friends. You’d spent a lot of time with his friends getting to know them. They were cool people.

 “When are we clubbing,” Miles asked.

 “Not in the mood,” Lewis said dismissing the idea.

 “Come on. Just because your shorty left you doesn’t mean we all gotta suffer.”

 “She ain’t leave him bruv, he made her leave,” Daniel clarified.

 Your attention piqued. What did that mean?

 “You still haven’t explained all that yet. What now?”

 Suddenly, the bell rang, and everyone got quiet.

 “For fuck’s sake. Really?”

 Lewis sounded beyond upset, beyond fed up. A few moments of silence passed, and you were almost tempted to peep your head out to see what was happening. When he began speaking, you remained in your hiding spot.

 “Y’all gotta hide. I don’t want her knowing you’re here and I’m sure it’ll be clear.”

 You heard hurried footsteps.

 “Nah, behind the bar,” Lewis said.

Your eyes bugged knowing you were going to be caught. Shit, you thought. It was Daniel who saw you first, his reaction was quick, simple widened eyes before he ducked down. Andrew saw you next and though he paused he didn’t comment until he was ducked down. Now Miles, when he saw you, he had to be the one.

 “What the--.”

 Daniel yanked him down before he could say much else though.

 “We’re good,” Daniel said.

 “What the fuck are you doing here?”

 “Getting my stuff,” you whispered back to Miles.

 Their eyes dipped to the bags around you, then they nodded.

 “What the fuck is going on?”

 They all shrugged in unison.

 “What’re you doing here?”

 “There he is,” a feminine voice spoke.

 Your spine stiffened. There’s no way. It couldn’t be, you thought. The clinking of heels was so loud, so distinctively her.

 “What do you want Aleeza. Also, I don’t remember inviting you in.”

 Your eyes widened. What the hell was your father’s evil trophy wife doing here?

 “Trust me, you’re going to want to make sure no one else hears what I have to say.”

 The door slammed and echoed throughout the first floor. When you looked over three pairs of eyes were on you as if waiting for you to explain. You shrugged. You had no idea why she was there.

 “What more do you want? I’ve done everything you’ve asked. I have nothing left to give.”

 Aleeza laughed, it sounded like the wicked witch in Snow White’s cackle. The three men across from you shuddered all at once. You scoffed to yourself thinking if they only knew the half of it.

 “Aww poor baby. Are you hurting? Get over it. she was nothing, less than nothing, an insignificant speck.”

 “Why do you hate her so much?”

 Were they talking about you?

 Aleeza scoffed disgustedly, “Why do I hate the so-called perfect Y-F-N/Y-L-N? Pick a reason. Her father chose to marry her mother over me. He had the nerve to pick her over me saying he loved her and not me. It should have been me. It was supposed to be me! All anyone ever talked about was her stupid, perfect mother. Oh, Alisha is so pretty, she’s so kind, she’s so smart. My god just wanted them to shut up. So, I bided my time until the bitch died then I swooped in.”

 You were so stunned right now you hadn’t moved an inch. Your eyes remained bugged and glued to one particular spot in the bar as you listened. Slowly, the pieces all fit together. You never knew why she didn’t like you, never even knew of the rivalry she’d had with your mother. You felt like you were an outsider looking in on an episode of F1’s WAGS (Wives and Girlfriends).

 “I’ve hated her from the day I met her. Why would I love that bitch’s daughter. Then I realized she is just like her. All anyone can talk about is Y/N. She’s so beautiful, so kind, so smart, so skilled. Uuuugh!”

 A loud crash of something breaking had all four of you jumping out of your skin. As if this were campfire horror stories, the four of you grabbed hands. This shit could go south at any moment.

 “Then I saw you and I wanted you.”

 Lewis let out a disgusted huff.

 “The plan was to seduce you slowly or use a little force to get you into my bed and ya’ know.”

 The four of you now made up your faces as if you were going to be sick. Hearing all this, you actually might get sick very soon.

 “Then I saw how you were with that bitch. I don’t know how anyone else didn’t notice. I put two and two together and realized you were fucking the slut. Just like her whore of a mother, taking what was mine!”

 Another crash of shattering glass filled the room.

 “So, I had the perfect way to give that little slut what she deserved, what her mother should have gotten. That’s why I got the idea to have you do my dirty work. I mean I already had the goods on you. If Jordan found out you were fucking his precious daughter born of true loves kiss from his soulmate, you’d be out of Mercedes quicker than you can say 103 first place standings. They wouldn’t have mattered.”

 “So that’s why you made me do what I did,” Lewis said sort of in disbelief.

 Aleeza cackled again and again the fellas shuddered.

 “Made you? Lewis come on. All I said was either end things brutally by breaking and shattering her heart so she’d never recover, or I’d tell daddy dearest,” Aleeza said.

 Your eyes widened even more. She was blackmailing him.

 “Of course, you being you and so damn delicious, manly and sexy was ready to throw your hard-earned career to the side come what may just for that little slut. I can’t believe you were willing to have me tell her father and have him rip up your contract rather than break her heart.”

 She laughed maniacally and you swore outside got as dark as midnight though it was probably only noon. Across from you, Miles had a panicked look on his face, and he was mouthing; “what the fuck” over and over.

 “I could never do that to her.”

 “Yet you did. Tell me was it only because I said she’d end up in another unfortunate accident like her car accident a few months ago?”

 A disturbing thought filled you. Was Aleeza behind your car accident? The police deemed it a drunk driver who’d ran out of the car to avoid being caught but could it have been a hired goon who had been paid to plow into you as you stood outside the Gala that night waiting for Lewis to bring his car around? Goosebumps peppered your flesh as so many emotions coursed through you.

 “Was it you?”

 As if he’d heard your thoughts, Lewis asked what you wanted to know.

“Me?”

 “Were you behind the accident then?”

 A long silence filled the room as you anxiously waited for her answer. You were ready to leap over the bar and beat it out of her. Thankfully she spoke.

 “If only that idiot hadn’t fucked up the first accident. She’d be long gone by now and I would be the sole inheritor to Jordan’s estate when he dies. So, this plan worked well too. Anyway, it was you who decided how to break her heart. You made that choice all by yourself and might I add what an incredible choice it was. My, my when you go you go all out.”

 She cackled some more.

 “After everything we’d been through there was no way she’d believe anything else.”

 He sounded dejected and heartbroken.

 “And believe you she did. That show was incredible. I was just—”

 She slow clapped for him, and each heavy-handed clap echoed sounding more and more like the annoying clash cymbals.

 “Watching it I couldn’t believe it. Then when she revealed that you’d taken her virginity, holy hell what a fucking plot twist! The little slut really wasn’t a slut but a total prude.”

 She cackled some more, and the fellas looked sympathetically to you. You didn’t know what the hell to say at this point. This was too much.

 “Bravo. You did more than a job well done. Shattered her heart, broke her faith in men and stole her virginity.”

 “Where in your plan did you figure you’d get me in your bed after this?”

 Another long silence.

 “I mean after you’d pulled off all of these disgusting things revealing your true face. Why would I ever sleep with you?”

 “You’ve slept with far worse.”

 He scoffed.

 “Then I can still blackmail you with your deflowering of your boss’ innocent daughter oh and your falling out which put her in the hospital. Either you give me what I want, or you would have done all this for nothing, broken her heart, and lost your career.”

 Her heels clinked again a few times. She wasn’t walking away she was getting closer to him.

 “Come on Lewis, it’s easy. All I want is that part of you that you’ve given to soooo many before Y/N.”

 “Dick. You did all of this for dick.”

 “Your dick and to ruin that little bitch. Do I have to ruin you too? Why not keep the one thing you have left.”

 “I can tell Y/N.”

 She laughed again. “Like she’d believe that incredulous story of me making you sleep with other girls. Hell like she’d speak to you. I’ve seen the freeze out. Yikes, it’s almost like you broke her heart.”

 “You’re evil, pure evil.”

 “Watch it, Lewis. Your career and future are in my hands, or should I say my pussy. Please it and you will find salvation.”

 She chuckled. “You have 2 days. Buh-bye.”

 The annoying sound of her stupid heels clinked across the floor until they faded with the close of a door. No one moved for several moments. You didn’t think you could. Suddenly Miles sprang up.

 “What the Five Nights at Freddy’s fucking hell was that shit?!”

 Slowly, Andrew then Daniel stood as well. You could hear Miles carrying on, but you didn’t hear the words out of his mouth. You were too lost in your thoughts, too lost replaying all of that and trying to let it digest. You went over the entire thing in your head. You were so lost in your thoughts that you’d tuned everything out.

 When you saw Daniel come back over and stand in front of you, it barely registered. He stooped and held his hand out for you. Slowly, you pulled some of yourself together enough to acknowledge him there. When you took his hand, he stood leading you up.

It took a few moments but when Lewis saw you from across the room, he bolted to his feet. His eyes were wide as he crossed the room eyes never leaving you.

 “Y/N?”

 You stepped back though you were separated by the bar top. Lewis stopped.

 “Wha—what are you doing here? How’d you get in? Did—did you hear that?”

 He looked over to Daniel then back to you. A few moments later, he came around to you bucking his feet on your bags. You watched as the realization washed over him.

 “You—you didn’t come for me. You came to pack your things.”

 He sounded so hopeless, so hurt. Now more than ever you wanted to go to him, but you couldn’t move. What the fuck was real and what wasn’t? You were struggling to wrap your head around any of this.

 “What the fuck!”

 It was all you could say. Though there were plenty of words to say in your head, those were the only ones that made it through your lips. You could feel yourself beginning to panic. It was something you’d thought you worked through after the accident. You’d gone to therapy and everything to get over the panic and anxiety nearly being run over had caused. Now here it was again.

 Your airways tightened and soon the struggle wasn’t to wrap your head around this soap opera, it was to breathe. The less air you could get, the more you panicked. Soon you were surrounded by Lewis and his friends, each dictating to you how to breathe with panicked serial killer eyes or telling you to calm down as they were clearly not calm or straight up panicking along with you.

 The last thought you had was you were going to die surrounded by the four stooges. Then everything faded to black.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[thedarkdisgrace]

Thread analysis from my twitter about soukoku & Dazai specific stuff in this DA art since people were interested in my thoughts on it lol reminder it’s my personal interpretations on it.

This is part 2 essentially of the original post. This focuses just on Dazai and Chuuya.

Alright, so I’ll just start by readdressing a point from my other post just for convenience for people who didn’t see the other post. You can reread this or skip down to my newer points. Red thread typically symbolizes those who are destined to be together.

Dazai has the red thread of fate wrapped around his neck. Chuuya has one end & it's wrapped around his wrist, that seems to symbolize he's holding Dazai's life in his hands. It’s also wrapped around the wrist where Chuuya has his childhood scar, the one proving he’s human.

An obvious link to their shared humanity to me, despite they, themselves, not believing in their own. But it’s no surprise Chuuya holds one side of Dazai’s life, we all know they're inexplicably linked & fated. Chuuya is always there to save Dazai & Asagiri said he's the only one who understands Dazai always.

But it's interesting the other half of Dazai's string is first wrapped around his own wrist before continuing to Aku. This essentially saying Dazai holds his own life in his hands. Which obviously seems super accurate since we know his biggest enemy is often his own mind & the hole inside his chest that he has a hard time filling. It's where his suicidal tendencies come from. But essentially, Dazai's life is held only by Chuuya & then himself and I love that detail.

Moving on. Another thing I found interesting about Dazai in this art (& in DA in general) is that he is wearing an all white suit with a black inner shirt. While Chuuya is in his typical black outer coat & white inner shirt.

I believe this choice serves to emphasize the “yin/yang” of their relationship. The red thread bounds them together while their individual natures complement/complete each other, making them whole. Dazai seems to often see himself/his soul as truly dark by nature even as he lives in the light now, so it seems fitting.

He utilizes his darker nature to *protect* the light now, as he understands the darkness (the villains) that come for those in the light. I touched on that above as well.

Chuuya is the opposite but also similar. Chuuya having a “lighter” soul/heart by nature despite being shrouded in darkness. This is showcased in his fierce protective nature of those he cares for as well as the city he protects. His intense, unyielding belief that, despite all he has been through, people are *worth* suffering for, they’re *worth* protecting.

This in contrast to Dazai when they first met who believed “nothing he could pursue is worth the cost of prolonging this life”.

Chuuya believes people are worth it even while still living in the darkness (which it’s important to note dark doesn’t equal evil, everyone is grey and everyone has a role to play).

But even while living in it, *despite* it, he still holds onto his light. His humanity. Humanity is a consistent theme between Dazai & Chuuya.

They both end up making the other feel human, feel alive. Even their abilities are almost named *for* each other.

Chuuya’s ‘no longer human’ when corruption takes over, until Dazai brings him back to it. (Just to be clear, Chuuya is human. That was confirmed).

Dazai is ‘the tainted sorrow’ that Chuuya is able to awaken from that sorrow with his very nature, his vibrant showcase of humanity. I believe it’s his relationship he was able to form with Chuuya that not only kept him alive (“Chuuya convinced me not to die yet”) but also opened Dazai to the possibility that there *are* people worth it out there. It’s why he was open enough to form his relationships with Oda and Ango.

But despite their struggles, despite their methods even, they both are trying to protect what they can. Both have the capability of acting in the light & dark in equal measure.

Essentially, they’re both made up of different light & darknesses but they end up completing each other.

It’s also interesting they put Chuuya on Dazai’s “good” side. The side Dazai’s see the light with. Kinda shows you how Dazai views Chuuya.

—

Something else about Dazai’s clothes, he seems to be wearing a yellow ribbon on his “darker” side. Which I find very interesting given the yellow wrapped ribbon normally represents suicide *prevention*.

Yellow in Japanese culture also tends to represent courage, which is also fitting, it even used to represent role models.

(This next part I’m definitely reading too much into it but I still found it fun and interesting!)

But moving to the next interesting pieces, Dazai is holding an apple in his hand on his “darker” side. Given Dazai talks about apple suicide (+ being called dead apple) it seems these 2 pieces are at odds with each other.

The apple in this context representing death/suicide while the ribbon represents life/prevention.

But Dazai is holding an apple in his hand on his “darker” side. Given Dazai talks about apple suicide (+ being called dead apple) it seems these 2 pieces are at odds with each other.

The apple in this context representing death/suicide while the ribbon represents life/prevention.

So in this art, is the idea of apple suicide representing a dark irony? Dazai seeing death as good fortune? Or is the apple only representing the more surface level contrast of death with the ribbon being life? I think that’s up to interpretation.

Small side note, Chuuya’s hat being placed over his heart is definitely deliberate. The hat that helps protect his humanity, the hat that helps offer Chuuya some control, sitting atop of & covering his heart makes sense. It’s almost as armor, protecting his “light” as it were.

Now to talk about Dazai being the only one “awake” as it were & the specific eye that’s uncovered.

The fact it's the eye that used to be covered in the PM is an important choice. Especially given the eye that was open with the PM is closed.

Dazai seems to be seeing more of the good now, maybe even is starting to see the true value in light.

However, it's only because of his dark past he's been able to survive & help save the ada multiple times. I believe that's why it's *that* wrist, the wrist helping covering that eye that was open while in the mafia, that is bound by the red thread of fate.

That wrist being wrapped up symbolizing how he partly holds his own life in his hands (along side Chuuya holding the other part). His fate is bound by *both* his sides, the light & dark in equal measure.

Dazai holds one side for his own life because not only is he his own worse enemy but he ironically (sadly) can't live completely without that dark side of him.

It's the part that wants him to end his life but it's also thanks to that side & what he went through that he can survive so well now & help others. It’s allowed him to understand the villains they face. Of course his past is a tragedy, but what we go through makes us who we are. At least he can use it to save people now.

Another point, (this more of a stretch) the overall theme here seems to be fate, since the thread of fate is predominately featured.

Dazai being the only one with his eye open, the only one awake, could also mean he knows something about their fates that no one else does.

Maybe since his “light” eye is open it’s a good thing. But it could possibly even be linked to the book, either that he knows more about the book & what it contains more than everyone else or (& this is a much bigger stretch) that he may even have read/seen briefly a piece of the book

Maybe whatever the reason is part of the real reason he picked up both Atsushi & Akutagawa & formed shin soukoku. Because for all his & Chuuya’s might, they need something *specific* for what’s coming. Something only shin soukoku has & we already know Atsushi is connected to the book.

Plus the thread of fate is linking them *all* together here. Some more connected to each other obviously, soukoku together & then sskk + kyoka. But again, this last part is very much a stretch but it’s just something fun to think about.

I hope all this made sense. Like i said, this is all just my interpretations so take it as you will. Everyone is free to have their own interpretations & opinions. I definitely went a little overboard & went deeper than just the art itself but oh well lol

If you made it this far, I hope you enjoyed my interpretations! Again some are deeper than originally intended & some are much more a stretch but thanks for coming to my ted talk lol

[cissyenthusiast010155]

The First Corruption pt. 1 ~Lucifer Morningstar (sandman) xFem Eve!reader

Lucifer Morningstar (sandman) tempting Eve… Lucifer uses they/them. Perhaps a second part where there is a happy ending…?

Link to Part 2

Mommy…Master List

Requests & Prompt-List

Warnings: NSFW, 18+!!!, religious talk, smut, Virgin!reader, fingering, tongue fucking, eating out, corruption kink, praise kink, bondage kink, gagging kink, sex with the devil, etc…

Longer Fic; part 1 of mini series

Enjoy (;

The Creator had done many things over the life times of humanity, but the one thing he really messed up on was you. Or as The Creator liked to call you: Eve.

You despised that name. The second you died, you had changed it. And only The Creator and his followers still dared to call you that. You scoffed at the creation story. You were created for Adam for fucks sake. I mean, how sexist was that?? You couldn’t believe that The Creator wouldn’t suspect you to stray.

Especially when the other option was a tempting, tall, blonde, corrupted goddess… You still remember the day vividly… The day your world turned upside down… The day you picked your own side.

~~~

You were in a separate part of the Eden after fighting with Adam. He didn’t trust you to go off without him. What an asshole. You were determined to prove him wrong, so you and stormed off. You were caring for the nature when you sensed a presence watching you.

You weren’t as blind as Adam and The Creator painted you out to be…

“Whose there?” You asked.

A dark, looming presence revealed themselves from the shadows.

“Only me, my dear…” the tall, white cloaked figure purred.

You gulped.

“You’re…” Your voice chocked out, not being able to finish your sentence.

The stunning presence chuckled, “Yes. I am. But you can call me Lucifer.”

The fact that The Creator’s followers still stick with the stupid snake story was such utter bullshit…

You gulped at their being. Your stomach moved around in a new, heated way… Your throat became dry… Your legs trembled, but not out of fear…

“What are you doing here?” you hesitantly asked.

Lucifer made their way closer to you, slowly pining you against the tree you were admiring.

“Well…” they purred into your ear, “I’ve been watching you for some time… and I could help but notice how… unsatisfied, you are…”

You gulped.

Looking back, Luci had been completely right. You were so innocent and unsatisfied before they came into your life…

“I’d like to propose something to you.”

“What…?” You whispered back, intimidated and flushed at their close presence.

“I believe you haven’t been shown how beautiful you truly are. You haven’t been shown true satisfaction and pleasure. Let me show it to you…” she purred into your ear, slightly nipping at your ear.

You breath fled from you.

“I don’t know what you mean.” You naively responded.

Lucifer chuckled, “I know you don’t. So here’s the proposition; Be with me, leave Adam and come with me. Let me own you instead of The Creator and Adam…”

You gulped at this. You considered the tempting, fallen angels proposal.

“Show me…” You spoke in a hushed tone, “Show me what you mean. What it would mean to be owned by you. And then I’ll decide.”

A devilish smirk plastered across Lucifer’s face.

“Deal.”

Lucifer’s eyes shifted at the sight of you and your innocence, they grew darker with lust.

“Be a good girl and sit yourself against this tree…” they instructed you.

The nickname made your body shiver… This all being new and exciting for you. You did as you were told. Lucifer sat himself in between your legs.

“What are you doing?” you inquired.

Lucifer chuckled at your purity, “I’m going to show you what true satisfaction is, Darling…”

Your heart beat started to race at their words.

“What should I do?”

“Nothing, love… just sit back and relax…” Lucifer reassured you.

Lucifer brought their hands down to your thighs, parting them. You gasped at the sensation. They smirked to find your pussy already soaked.

“Your soaked…” Lucifer remarked out aloud.

“I… I don’t understand…” you panted, starting to feel hot.

Lucifer met your needy, innocent eyes.

“You will…”

Lucifer waved their hand, and a pair of vibes came down from the tree. The vines gently grabbed your wrists, bringing them above your head and holding your wrists tightly in place.

“What…?” You breathlessly and dazed self questioned.

“Do you trust me, love?” Lucifer inquired.

“Yes.” You immediately responded, making Lucifer blush and hum in delight.

“Just one more thing…” Lucifer muttered, gering up to grab something and then kneeling back in front of your spread out legs.

“What’s that for?” You inquisitively asked the tall, fallen angel.

Lucifer held a piece of fruit from the tree you had been nurturing mere minutes ago.

“For your mouth, Darling.” Lucifer explained, as they stuffed your mouth with the supple, sweet fruit, “Wouldn’t want the entire cosmos to know who you belong to, now would we?”

You raised your eyebrow in confusion, and Lucifer couldn’t help but giggle at your innocence.

“You’ll see in just a second, my love…” Lucifer purred, bringing her face down to meet your wet cunt.

Your lower body fluttered at the proximity of the winged blonde. You squirmed against your restraints, the pain obvious but you didn’t seem to mind it…

Then all of a sudden, your felt a spasming, overwhelming, hot wave wash over your body. You cried out, the fruit muffling your moan, and clenched your legs instinctually around the fallen angels head. Lucifer moaned in your pussy at your reaction to just one lick of your cunt, sending even more sparks through your body. You mewled in response, tugging at your restraints.

Lucifer looked up at you, “Want me to stop?”

You shook your head desperately, making the Lightbringer grin a devilish grin. They went back to your throbbing pussy, and continued to lap through your folds at a slow and agonizing pace. They now held your thighs spread wide open with their glorious, black wings, so you didn’t crush their head from all your hip jerking at every contact with your touch starved cunt.

You cried out and begged, the restraints making you dizzy in such a delicious way. The fruit, sitting in your mouth and gagging your every cry of pleasure. It was dripping down your chin at this point from your teeth penetrating it’s skin.

God you looked so good being corrupted…

Lucifer began tongue fucking your aching core, adding a finger to your clit. You arched your back at the new sensation, tears streaming down your face. As much as the fruit was muffling your whimpers, mewls, and screams, Lucifer could still very much hear how much pleasure you were getting from this very non-innocent experience.

Your body began getting hotter and hotter, and you felt a tension start to build in every fiber of your being. You desperately tried to tell the glorious, winged being who was eating your cunt out like a starved man. Lucifer registered that you were close, as your walls were fluttering and tightening around her tongue more and more.

“Let go, Darling… Let go for me… Let it wash over you…” Lucifer encouraged you, as they picked up they pace of their tongue fuckings.

You cried out, the fruit gagging you, making you even more dizzy and tension filled. Suddenly, Lucifer sped up her motions on your clit, eliciting a scream from your gagged mouth.

Your whole body seemed to snap in that moment. Your legs shaked relentlessly… Waves of warmth and ecstasy crashed over your whole body… Your back arched against your restraints as your eyes rolled back… Lucifer greedily ate up your cum as you howled in pleasure.

But they didn’t give you any time to come down from your blinding high… Instead, they replaced her tongue, with their finger running through your folds. You yelped and whimpered at your sensitive folds being stimulated even further. Lucifer brought their cum splattered face up to your level, still swirling their finger in your juices.

“Such a good girl…” they praised you, before plunging their finger into your tight, overstimulated pussy.

You cried out in pleasure at their fingers inside your needy and desperate cunt.

“But I don’t think your quite satisfied…” they wickedly purred into your ear, as they thrusted into you.

You shook your head, desperately wanting more.

“Hmmm… Just like I thought…” Lucifer lustfully mused, “Adam could never properly satisfy you, could he?”

At that, Lucifer added another finger into your needy, fluttering cunt. You shook your head relentlessly at their question, making Lucifer smirk. They picked up their pace, thrusting deeper into your core and curling their fingers inside your pussy. Their lips were by your ear, as you cried out in pleasure by their actions.

Tears streamed down your face as you sloppily bucked your hips up to meet their thrusts. Lucifer let out breathy moans and obscenities into your ear, only spurring you on even more… The fruits juices were running down your breasts at this point. Lucifer hungrily gazed at the sight and lowered themselves to your sticky breasts. You groaned at the sight. They greedily licked and sucked all the juices of the fruit off your chest, around your breasts, and off your nipples.

It was all too much. The restraints… The fruit gag… The nipple play… Their dirty words in your ear… Their fingers squelching in and out of your cunt…

This time the orgasm hit you out of nowhere. You screamed in pleasure as it ravished through your body. Your head jolted back in pleasure, slamming against the tree…Your eyes rolled into seeing stars… You wrists squirmed against the vines… Your thighs fought against their wings… Your pussy squirting and clenched all around Lucifer’s fingers.

Lucifer moaned at the designer of you…They helped you down from your second, massive high, leaving you a panting, breathless mess. They gently removed their wings from your thighs, and their fingers from your dripping, sensitive cunt.

“You did so good, my love…” They purred into your ear, untying your wrists from the vines.

All you could do was whine in response. They took out the smushed fruit gag from your mouth, throwing it aside, and clashing their lips into yours. The kiss was a mixture of you, Lucifer, your cum, and the sweet nectar of the fruit gag. You both moaned into the kiss. Lucifer pulled away first, eliciting a whimper from you, causing Lucifer to chuckle at the sight of you.

“So darling, are you satisfied now?”

You bit your lip and eagerly nodded in response. Lucifer couldn’t help but blush at your response.

“Well… Will you be mine then?” They purred, nipping and marking your neck.

“Yes. I’m yours, forever…” you breathlessly moaned, as Lucifer bit into your neck drawing blood.

“Good girl…” they purred, “And let this eternal marking be a reminder of who you belong to…”

It was your turn to blush now.

But your time was cut off all too short that day…

From a distance you both heard Adam looking for you. You panicked, and for the first time noticed your naked body.

“Hey, it’s alright love.” Lucifer comforted you, “I have to go now, but we’ll be together again one day.”

“When?” You asked with a rushed tone, “When will I see you again??”

“Not for a while unfortunately, darling…” Lucifer confessed, sorrow lacing their tone, “But we’ll be together in the end. I must go now.”

As Lucifer got up to leave, you pulled them into one last kiss. It was full of emotion, care, and love. It was promise that you would see each other again one day.

Then Lucifer left. And Adam had found you, against the tree of knowledge with the forbidden fruits juices all over your chest…

Part 2 of Lucifer reuniting with Eve!reader 😏

[trashytoastboi]

I really love your writing! Some of my favorite headcannon are the reader scared of physical intimacy due to trauma, could you do those headcannons for Ace and Sabo please??

Heyya bean! I apologise for the very, very long wait >_< I've finally gotten around to writing things again, I'm thankful you enjoy my writing and hope you enjoy~

🍞 Headcanons: Kid, Killer x S/O who is afraid of physical intimacy due to past trauma

🍞 Headcanons: Zoro, Law, Marco, Katakuri x S/O who is afraid of physical intimacy due to past trauma.

Headcanons: Ace, Sabo x S/O Who is afraid of physical intimacy due to a past trauma.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> (Gender Neutral) <

> Warning: Implied abuse/mention of panic attacks. This includes implied trauma due to something in the past, if you think it will be triggering for you please avoid this. It is written and intended to be a comfort piece, but first and foremost take care of yourself and mental wellbeing🍀 

Portgas D. Ace

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🔥 Ace has a very physical love style, he enjoys expressing himself through touch and affection. Though it makes the situation at hand all the more difficult, he would never complain or be upset about it. He understands, he truly does. Ace just doesn’t understand how else he can fully convey his love other than affection. He believes actions weigh more than words and even though he always tells {Name} just how much he loves them, it just never felt adequate. Ace never once desired to push {Name} beyond their limitations. 

🔥It was obvious there was aversion to touch and affection. {Name} had always kept people at arm's length, Ace was a little closer than most and he treasured the trust placed in him by his partner. Ace came to learn through their mannerisms and occasional openings in their guard about how they were uncomfortable with physical touch and the idea of being intimate. Ace held off on affection, unless he felt {Name} was having a good day, he moved slowly and always checked to truly make sure they were fine. If any minute reaction showed discomfort or fear, he would leave them be and comfort them when {Name} apologized for being this way. 

🔥Ace felt there were strides of progress, regarding his relationship with {Name}. They had gotten into a comfort zone of sorts, hand holding and the occasional hug was steadily becoming more frequent and comforting, sometimes it was even {Name} to be the one to initiate. Maybe due to the constant security and comfort Ace provided, {Name} felt safe enough to divulge their very painful past. The trauma that made them this way and how that trauma made even the most gentle of touch feel like fire and fear in one fatal combination. 

🔥{Name} dug deep to pull everything up and out. They thought they would be ready to discuss everything, it proved not to be the case. The revisitation of trauma set the panic deep in their bones, they choked up. The cold feeling began to run down their shoulders, down their back as the feeling faded from their hands and feet. The tears came out uncontrollably.  Ace panicked internally, he didn’t want to show it outright in case it made {Name’s} current state worse. He comforted them, speaking in a soft voice telling them it was alright not to face it right now, not until {Name} was ready. He informed them over and over again how {Name} never had to force themselves to do anything. 

🔥They sputtered never ending apologies on repeat, alternating between words of self blame and apologies to Ace. This had sent {Name} back into the worst possible mindset, thanks to how adamantly and patiently Ace listened, comforted them and gently hushed their apologies. He deemed the apologies unnecessary, after all there was no reason for {Name} to say sorry when they were never the ones in the wrong. Maybe it was that very warmth and comfort that helped them gain a grip, something that helped to steady their uneven and shallow breath, easing the pain in their chest. The world stopped spinning and they were calming down. 

🔥Ace inwardly blamed himself, the initial happenings he knew was not his fault. He just spiraled with the concept that maybe had he just not been so eager, or forthcoming and overwhelming with his advances then {Name} might not have felt so pressured to discuss this, or put themselves in a position to relive their worst trauma. {Name} never once actually thought like this, they felt so trusting of Ace that they wanted to tell him. Ace smiled on the surface, a soft and meek smile. One designed to comfort his partner without alluding to his true thoughts of guilt and self blame. 

🔥It took a lot of communication and understanding to see where both of them were. Trying to hold these fragmented talks while suffering in their own thoughts was only hurting them. {Name} took Ace’s comfort to heart, knowing they weren’t obligated nor were they ready to talk about things and that was okay. Ace communicated his own misunderstanding and insecurities, the talk was difficult but they found a middle ground. A comfortable place in which to meet each other emotionally, taking it one step at a time.

Sabo

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

🎩 Sabo noticed the hesitation, it was not outright. Hidden, disguised as if {Name} didn’t want him to know. He loves them too much not to notice how they stiffened; the anxiety that passed through their eyes and contorted their expression into fear for an instant. The nervous stumbling of their words when Sabo pulled away in surprise worried about accidentally hurting them. Given his injuries, his scars that remained Sabo related their reaction to something similar. His body had healed, on the surface. The trauma remained and it took a long time without him having to flinch away, associating touch with treatment of his injuries and the grueling pain he had to live through during his recovery. Or how he hated his scars when they first started to settle, the uneven and rough skin under his fingertips. He learned to accept them, live with them and in time liked them as it was his proof of survival, he was still alive. Sabo likened it to a deep rooted trauma, he didn’t bring it up but his actions became more reserved in nature. 

🎩 Sometimes it can take the smallest thing to fall over the edge, Sabo’s more and rarer playful side came out when he and {Name} were sharing some banter, joking around and the like. Sabo playfully grabbed their wrist in the hopes of pulling them in for a kiss, but what ensued was nothing he expected. {Name} was fine one moment, the next it looked like their world shattered. He let go, panicking and asking what happened, did he grab too hard? {Name} shook their head, dismissing it with a strained smile. The cold sweat didn’t convince him when they showed so much fear. Sabo had noticed it a while ago. He gently broached the topic, not wanting the details but he needed to know. Sabo wanted to know how he could help. How he could protect them and prevent anything that could hurt them. 

🎩Nothing really could have prepared Sabo, for what {Name} entrusted to him. A very bleak and too upsetting for words recollection of the incidents that made them this way. Sabo felt angry, towards the people who hurt his partner, towards himself for not realizing some of his actions could have triggered them. Logically, he knew it wasn’t his fault. He didn’t know of the situation and couldn’t change it. He felt sad seeing how heartbroken and frightened {Name} was. Not only from recalling the vivid and horrific memories but also from their fear that Sabo might perceive or treat them differently, in a bad way. They had been on the terrible side of listening to those who blamed {Name} for what happened in the past. {Name} grew to believe what was said, that it was their fault. 

🎩 Listening to how their words laced their own blame into it. “I shouldn’t have… they wouldn’t have.. I was the one…” Sabo only grew angrier towards the people, the vicious attitude they must have had upon saying those poisonous words to {Name}. Things that led to self doubt and blame. Sabo approached them, carefully enough to see if his touch and comfort would be welcomed. He could only hold them, swallowing his own anger. He pushed it aside, to whisper the words of validation they so desperately needed. Even the simple statement “It wasn’t your fault.” Brought tears to {Name’s} eyes, his voice resonates so deeply, unearthing all of those suppressed feelings that they held back. At this point all Sabo could offer is comfort and security, away from the memories. 

🎩 He tried to take their mind off of it. Trying to calm {Name} down and offer whatever reassurance he could. From the beginning he had been undemanding. {Name} never felt things in the way of obligation, they never felt forced to do anything. Sabo had created a safe space for them truly, one where they learned the hardships of healing but healing nevertheless. He helped and supported with what he could. Giving {Name} space when they needed it, giving them comfort and support when they wanted it. Sabo knew he could not change the past, nor what happened to his partner. But he could try to help them now and in the future. The past may have been full of hurt and terror, he tries, strives to make sure that the future will never be like that. Neither for him, nor {Name}. 

[itsgameofthronesimagines]

Could I request a Cersei x f reader where the reader is Cersei’s secret lover but Jaime (Love him but needed a villain) found out and made up lies about reader so Cersei herself throws the reader to jail. When she’s finally freed after the allegations were proved wrong, reader is now cold hearted, avoiding Cersei who tries to talk to her. Go heavy on the angst. You can decide if it’s happy ending (at least as happy of an ending as you can get with Cersei) or not. Thank you! You don’t have to write it if you don’t want to

(Gif not mine but can I just say that I hate myself for loving how beautiful she is?)

Title: Lioness Roar

Fandom: Game of Thrones

Pairing: Cersei Lannister x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 4,719

Summary: Cersei’s brothers could do whatever they wanted with little to no consequences all because of their gender. Now as the Queen, Cersei believes she can do more.

Warnings: vulgar language, daddy issues (guess who), homophobia, angst, mentioned wlw smut, and I will admit it does kind of read like yandere.

Author’s Note: God I love writing about Lannisters. They’re so complex (and I know I’ve said that before so sorry if you’re sick of hearing it but I’m not sorry for saying it) and I think this might be the first time I’m writing a Cersei x reader so this was exciting!

(I do not consent my works to be reposted/copied)

~~~~~~~~~

Cersei always believed that if she were born with a cock, her world would be a lot different, but for the best.

As a child, she drew pictures of herself on the back of the dragon, and as she got older, her father kept promising to marry her to the prince, so then she began drawing Rhaegar Targaryen in those same pictures.

Before she grew into her female qualities, she was able to dress as her twin brother and attend sword fighting lessons without anyone able to tell the difference. 

While Jaime had no interest in listening to his father about the importance of their history, their finances, and the running of the keep, Cersei listened intently. She knew that if she were Tywin’s firstborn son and heir, he’d be proud of all of her accomplishments, and this was just one of many ways she tried to gain his approval. 

She did all these things to prove that she can do anything her brothers did possibly even do more than Tyrion but Lord Tywin always stamped down her ambitions other than the one that involved her getting married to the prince. No matter how hard she tried, Cersei could never get her father to actually see her aside from what she already was.

One look and Lord Tywin would’ve seen his daughter holding a sword better than Jaime ever could and reciting old text better than Tyrion could ever pronounce. If Tywin could only see past her gender, Cersei would truly be his golden child.

Alas, she was nothing but a bargaining chip; a pawn he liked to move around the board. When her marriage proposal to Rhaegar fell through and all the Targaryens were killed off, Cersei was married to Robert Baratheon and she became his Queen Consort. She gave him three children, despite the two of them being unhappy from the start. Even if her children didn’t look like the King, she didn’t care. She did her duty to the realm, to her husband, and to her father, securing the legacy Tywin always wanted for his family. Cersei did her part and now she felt inclined to her own right of freedom to do whatever she wanted.

That freedom came in the form of Lady Y/n.

As a wedding gift, Lord Tywin sent Cersei the daughter of one of his bannermen to act as her handmaid and confidant. Y/n was possibly the only truly kind gesture Cersei’s father ever made toward her, but the new Queen was bitter from the beginning. She did not confide in other women. Cersei felt as though she was above gossiping and hand-sewing, even when she was a little girl. With her father’s praise and boasting of her being the most beautiful woman in all the Seven Kingdoms, Cersei even believed she was above all the ladies of the country, including Y/n. 

Y/n was a quiet young woman. Dutiful towards her Queen and tending to her every need without question, the handmaid was smart to never speak openly to Cersei. She kept her thoughts tight-knit in her mind and only replied to the Queen if Cersei spoke directly at her. Even where Y/n was from, she heard certain rumors about Cersei and how the Lady Lannister’s best friend, Melara Hetherspoon, mysteriously fell into a well and only Cersei lived to tell the tale. Y/n’s mother was secretly concerned when Tywin Lannister sent her daughter away to tend to Cersei, knowing that the Lioness of Casterly Rock was always troubled and strangely devoid of any emotion other than anger.

Even Y/n believed this, and in fear, she never spoke a word to Cersei unless spoken to so as not to draw attention to herself. Tending to Cersei was like awaiting with anticipation for a barrel of wildfire to ignite. All it took was one tiny flame.

However, once Cersei’s children were born, it appeared as though that flame was tameable. Y/n often tended to her Queen’s children more so than the wet nurses. Many wondered if the wet nurses were just lazy, but one maid, in particular, had the bravery to whisper about the Queen being behind this, how Cersei ordered the wet nurses to do their duty to feed her children except Myrcella but to leave all other care to Lady Y/n and herself.

If this rumor was to be taken seriously, no one knew why Cersei would do such a thing unless she full-heartedly trusted her handmaid. But this was Cersei Lannister of all people, and no one, not even King Robert, was allowed to be near the princess and princes without Cersei’s presence.

And yet, Y/n could be found with all three children, alone, holding them to her chest when they cried or laughing as she chased them around in the gardens. If they weren’t with Cersei or their teachers, the royal children were likely to be found with Lady Y/n, who they lovingly nicknamed their aunt once they began to speak. Perhaps the children truly thought Y/n was part of their family and if so, Cersei had allowed it to appear that way.

The truth is Cersei grew to care for one other person besides her children and Jaime, but kept that close to her heart and locked it away, not even Y/n could reach it. At first, Cersei was disgusted with her thoughts and her feelings. There was a time in her inner turmoil when she would lash out at her handmaid even though Y/n did nothing wrong. Despite all this, Cersei blamed her for everything and was even tempted to send her away. But young Myrcella, barely able to write her own name, cried one night when Y/n was not there to tuck her into bed and told her mother how much she loved Y/n. Feeling defeated, Cersei never exiled Y/n and refused to look at the other woman for many months.

Cersei’s demons came to a head when she heard Jaime tell yet another story about Tyrion finding another whore to bed with... but instead of her usual disgust, another thought struck her. There was a time when Cersei could act like a boy all she wanted without anyone batting an eye. She could do whatever she wanted and even though she was now Queen, Cersei had yet to take full advantage of that. As long she remained married to the King and gave him children, her father could not tell her what to do and her husband cared very little about what she did as long as Cersei kept him out of it. Hearing Jaime’s story of Tyrion’s new woman, Cersei thought if her dear little brother could take any common whore to bed without scandal, why couldn’t she?

Lady Y/n was already her handmaid. It was already the perfect disguise. If Tyrion could do it and hide his lover as a servant girl, so could Cersei. If Robert could openly bring whatever woman he wanted into his bed, so could his wife.

Of course, Cersei could order Y/n to kiss her and bed her if she liked, but she was a clever woman and felt the excitement of playing the long game of convincing Y/n to love her. So as not to scare her, Cersei started off slowly, starting by subtly nodding her thanks to Y/n when she helped her dress and undress because yes, Cersei has never once thanked anyone before. When Y/n didn’t appear put off by this, Cersei slowly began to openly thank her, then slowly progressed to subtly touching her arm or moving Y/n’s hair off her shoulder. 

This slow progression is successful in many ways. Y/n doesn’t notice how much Cersei changed because Cersei had slowly done so without any red flags rising. Before Y/n could remember the story of Melara Hetherspoon, Cersei had her wrapped around her finger, practically brainwashing her handmaid into believing that she had always been a kind and loving queen towards her loyal subjects. Cersei’s patience paid off when Y/n began to openly talk to her about her hopes and dreams, even her opinions, without ever flinching of fear or repeal.

And, in a way, her patience also brought Cersei to love Y/n even more than just for lust. Listening to Y/n talk made Cersei wonder why she had suppressed the young woman from doing so in all the years she’s known her. Everything sounded exciting when Y/n spoke, her voice forcing Cersei to listen to every syllable. 

That is... until eligible suitors came searching for Y/n’s hand in marriage. When Y/n talked about her suitors, Cersei would immediately order her to speak of something else. She couldn’t bear to hear about the men trying to take her new interest away from her. She wouldn’t allow her brothers to steal a toy from her as children, why would this be any different?

It was the talk of the decade. Throughout King’s Landing, people whispered about how Lady Y/n must be cursed. Ever since her father announced opening a proposal for her, many of Y/n’s suitors have mysteriously disappeared or been found dead in their beds, sometimes even before they could meet her. Over time, several men have gone to King’s Landing in hopes of winning Y/n’s hand. None have returned to their homes and some houses were on the brink of extinction because of this curse.

It didn’t take long before men stopped asking for Y/n’s hand in marriage, and Cersei had never been happier to have her handmaid remain at her side.

By the time Jon Arryn mysteriously died, Y/n was more than just a confidant or friend. She became Cersei’s secret lover, and Cersei didn’t feel any shame or disgust the first time she kissed her. While making plans for the royal family to travel to Winterfell, Y/n shyly and breathlessly confessed her love for Cersei. Before she could escape the Queen’s chambers in her shame, Cersei roughly held Y/n’s face in her hands as she fervently kissed her. The victory going on in Cersei’s mind was all too sweet, hastily taking Y/n to her bed then and there, finally claiming her as no one but the Queen’s.

Cersei had begun to feel like a god with what she had taken as her own. With Y/n secretly under one arm and Jaime under the other, she began to believe and reminisce about the young girl she once was, a Lady Lannister who took no prisoners and always got whatever she wanted. As Queen of the Seven Kingdoms, Cersei felt as though she held the world in her hands and was believed to be untouchable.

This god complex would continue to fester and grow as several events play out. While in Winterfell, Young Bran Stark mysteriously fell out of a window. When the royal family left the North, they brought Ned Stark and his two daughters with him as the new Hand of the King. When Cersei arrived back in King’s Landing, Y/n was waiting for her in her chambers with open arms and a hot bath. Cersei had never felt such power secured tightly in her fist before.

That is until it slipped ever so slightly out of her grasp and Cersei lashed out and nearly lost her mind. Under Lord Stark’s orders, his wife Catelyn took Tyrion as her prisoner and this prompted Jaime to attack the Hand of the King before escaping King’s Landing. Cersei could feel her power and influence slipping when, even as Ned Stark admitted to her accusations, Robert still refused to punish his old friend. 

Madness slipped through, for a split second, as Cersei snapped, “I took you for a king!”

“Hold your tongue.”

“He’s attacked one of my brothers and abducted the other. I should wear the armor, and you the gown.”

King Robert spun around and hit her before Cersei could say more. She proudly claimed she would wear this mark on her face like a badge of honor before swiftly leaving the room. She retreated to her chambers to lick her wounds and fester in her rage. When Y/n was summoned, she was horrified by the angry bruise on Cersei’s face and tended to it immediately. Unaware of what had happened, Y/n barely even blinked when Cersei ordered her to stay with her the whole night.

War began to brew after that and Cersei received word of Tywin and Jaime raising an army to bring back Tyrion. Sensing it was time to make her move, she had her cousin Lancel bring an armload of wine for Robert when he fled to the Kingswood to hunt. Of course, everyone knows that wine and hunting don’t mix, and when Robert returned to Cersei, his guts were spilling out of him. It wasn’t long before Joffrey was sitting on the Iron Throne after that, his mother sitting beside him.

Cersei had Ned Stark arrested and his daughters confined to the Red Keep. With her son as king, she now had all the power with no one to tell her otherwise. She still felt her self-control slip, however, when she heard of Jaime’s capture and then Tyrion returned to King’s Landing as Tywin’s Acting Hand of the King. When she heard the news of her twin brother, Cersei retreated back to her chambers and once again, kept Y/n in her bed all night long. Y/n was none the wiser, believing Cersei was only grieving her brother’s capture by taking her anger out on her lover. This anger got even worse when Myrcella was sent away to Dorne.

When Jaime returned, Cersei was still an angry woman and nothing was ever the same again. Cersei retreated from Jaime’s embrace whenever he reached out to her. At first, he thought it was because of his missing hand, but then Cersei gifted him a golden prosthetic as a replacement. When she didn’t appear disgusted by him, Jaime kept a watchful eye on his sister.

He suspected Cersei had another lover but failed to find any man entering his sister’s chambers, no matter the time of day. He did, however, always noticed Y/n freely walking around wherever she wanted. Even when Cersei was not around, Lady Y/n would enter her room and the guards standing outside wouldn’t even question her. Sometimes, Jaime even witnessed Y/n ordering the guards around as if she were speaking on the Queen’s behalf, and they listened to her. Jaime’s affronted thoughts came to a halt when one day, he noticed Y/n out in the gardens with Tommen, the young prince indulging the lady with a book he read out loud. Cersei was nowhere in sight.

Jaime was not the smartest Lannister, but he knew Cersei better than anyone, and he knew that his sister would not trust their her children with anyone unless she had complete faith in them.

He confronted his sister that night when he knew that Y/n was sent away after helping Cersei undress. With the Queen now alone, Jaime snuck in and didn’t hesitate to speak his mind, “You love her.”

Cersei froze, her back turned to him, refusing to say a word or even look back to face him. Jaime scoffs because that was enough of a confirmation for him. Cersei was never one to hold back her tongue; this would have been no exception if it wasn’t true. The emotions that began to build within Jaime were rage and disgust. He pushed a boy out of a window for Cersei. He kept their affair a secret for Cersei. He killed his cousin for Cersei. He even lost his hand when trying to get back to Cersei. How is it that he went through all that trouble the gods have cursed him with for Cersei, and she had already moved on and fallen in love with another? How could he live with this knowing that Cersei had pushed him aside for none other than a woman?

“As hateful as you are... you love her,” he seethed between his teeth, “All those years you made me believe you kept her around to keep all eyes away from us... when really you just wanted us both. You have always been a selfish woman.”

A wry smile curls over his lips, the brewing anger slowly turning malicious, “But I wonder how selfish? Or are you just too blind by love to see it?”

Cersei turned to face him, her expression sour and voice dripping with venom, “See what?”

“That she has fooled you,” Jaime lets the words spill out of his mouth like water, fluid and graceful, even he believed the deceit he spoke, “Lady Y/n’s father may be our father’s bannermen, but she is no ally to us. I intercepted a raven before my escape, one that was addressed to Robb Stark. It was sealed with your sigil but not your handwriting, so I knew it wasn’t yours. However, seldom few have access to your seal and your desk, so one could only wonder who had the means of contacting the King of the North bearing your mark?” 

Cersei stood still, eyes locked onto Jaime’s as her expression slowly twists and turns corrupt with barely restrained rage and madness in between the flicker of the candle flame. For a moment, a brief moment... Jaime thought that rage was directed at him.

~~~~~~~~~

Y/n was roughly woken by a few of the Queen’s personal guards, binding her and muffling her screams with a rag. Tediously, they bring her all the way down into the dungeon before throwing her into the deepest, darkest cell. With her bonds and gag loose, Y/n finally has a moment to yell and plead, her hands gripping onto the iron bars for dear life as she begged for someone to help her.

Her pleas stop, however, when from the shadow emerges Cersei, regal as always, dressed in her usual red and gold fabrics without the help of her usual handmaid, now trapped behind bars. The moment Y/n caught the light on Cersei’s face, she knew who to place blame for her arrest.

“Why are you doing this?! I deserve an explanation!”

“You’re a traitor,” Cersei hissed even with a sly smile on her beautiful face, “You betrayed my son, your king. And worse of all, you betrayed me. Did you truly think I wouldn’t find out about your secret little messages to the King in the North? Were you praying that Jaime would never return so that he wouldn’t be able to inform me of your treachery?”

Y/n was initially shocked by these accusations before turning to defend her honor, “Surely he’s mistaken! Your brother has been away from home for far too long. His mind might be sick from being Robb Stark’s prisoner all this time. Why would you believe Ser Jaime over me?”

The question dies in her throat, her face crumbling into fearful realization as Cersei continued to stand still, as quiet as a cat while smiling down at her mouse. Y/n’s voices drop down into a whisper as she tries to hold back her own emotions, “... Unless it’s true. The rumors have all been true. You and your brother...”

Y/n’s fear slowly reverts to anger as her thoughts spill openly from her lips, “I refused to believe the whispers. I was loyal to you from the very beginning. I stuck by your side through everything and yet-- How could you?” She finally snapped, voice rising once again as her grip tightens around her bars, “I sacrificed everything for you! I gave you all I had and it still wasn’t enough, wasn’t it? I loved you... with all my heart, but not even love can cure you from this madness.”

Cersei’s eyes bore into Y/n’s own, the two women standing in the silence of the dark, cold dungeon. The Queen doesn’t acknowledge her actions for not even she knew why she quickly decided to imprison her former lover. She herself felt disgusted. Cersei had been able to round up each of King Robert’s bastard children and slaughter them for the sake of Joffrey’s legitimacy, and yet she couldn’t bring herself to have Y/n executed even though the woman was accused of betraying Joffrey. Cersei once believed she would do anything for the sake of her children, and now she felt disgusted knowing that she couldn’t even kill a woman to uphold that silent promise.

Cersei held her chin high, her voice was as cold as the day she first met Lady Y/n, “I love my brother. I will only ever love my brother. How could I ever love someone as lowly as a servant girl?”

~~~~~~~~~

It didn’t take long before Tywin noticed his daughter had a new handmaid and not one who was trusted enough to tend to Tommen when Cersei wasn’t around. Without questioning the Queen, Lord Tywin conducted an investigation and quickly discovered Y/n in the dungeons. After briefly talking to her and investigating Jaime’s accusations, Tywin was able to concur that Y/n was innocent of such treasonous actions and set her free. When Cersei heard of this, she was enraged and immediately went to her father with demands of executing her former confidant. When Tywin brought his evidence to her attention, Cersei refused to believe it, turning a blind eye and cursing her father’s name. Even in disbelief, Cersei couldn’t help but internally feel the ache and anger in her heart. Deep down, she knew Y/n had done nothing wrong, yet she listened to Jaime anyway. The last nail was wedged into her coffin when Tommen asked Cersei where his Aunt Y/n had gone. Only then could she truly admit she made a mistake.

But it was too late. With Y/n no longer being Cersei’s handmaid, the lady avoided the Queen like the plague. Y/n was no longer the woman everyone once knew to be kind and compassionate. She was cold and calculating to everyone, including Cersei, if the two women ever had a brief encounter in Joffrey’s court.

Y/n couldn’t even find it within herself to feel sympathy towards Cersei when Joffrey was murdered at his own wedding. Long after Tommen was crowned King, Y/n continued to avoid Cersei and never once shed a tear for the boy she once loved as her own. As long as one bore the face of Cersei or sported any sort of Lannister trait, Y/n avoided them at all costs and even felt disgusted if she had to share a room with them. A moment of opportunity arrived for her to be rid of this Hell when the High Sparrow became a big influence on King Tommen and his people. Cersei had the High Sparrow annointed as High Septon with the belief that he would work under her rule, and Y/n watched this unfold from a distance until finally, she made her own calculated move.

In time, Loras Tyrell, Queen Margaery, and even Cersei had been thrown into various cells of the Great Sept when none of them confessed to the sins they were accused of. Cersei had felt the cold breath of karma ghost down her neck the moment her cousin Lancel entered the room to stand beside the High Sparrow. Weeks dragged on and Cersei was miserable in her cell, hair matted and body covered in filth, tongue dry from her thirst. The cell door opened one miserable morning and Cersei curled in on herself instinctively, ready to refuse the water when offered in exchange for a confession... but the septa never said a word. Slowly, Cersei looked up from her arms and found Lady Y/n standing there instead of a septa, dressed in travelling clothes and holding a small pouch of water in hand, devoid of emotion as she looked down on the former Queen she served.

Cersei didn’t look pleased or impressed, turning her away to lean against the cold wall of her cell, “This is what you wanted, isn’t it? The one thing you have always strived for; craved for... You have always wanted to see me suffer.”

“I don’t know if there is anything I can say or do to convince you otherwise,” Y/n scoffed while setting down the pouch of water, “I gave my life to you, yet you still believe I betrayed you somehow in some shape or form. Even when I was proven innocent, you despised me. Why?”

Cersei blinked slowly while staring off into space, trying to swallow her spit to relieve her thirst, “You were just some lowly reminder of a time when I was unfaithful.”

“To who? King Robert? Everyone knows you despised him. That is no secret. Everyone knows that you would have done anything to hurt him. But to hurt Jaime... I think most can suspect that at this point, you would have done anything to keep him at your side. You can’t fool anyone, Your Grace. Not anymore.”

“I have fooled no one.”

“No one but me. You had me fooled the moment you kissed me,” Y/n’s voice broke, ever so slightly, cracking her mask, “You had me believe what we had was love. And yet you threw it all away the moment you decided to believe whatever you wanted to hear.”

“I didn’t want you to betray me.”

“And I never did. But you didn’t exactly care, did you? Instead of just asking me, you threw me in a cell and left me to rot. Because it was Ser Jaime’s word against mine.”

“Why are you really here?” Cersei rasped, watching her finger as she absently traced shapes into her cell wall.

Y/n composed herself, hardening her heart again and quickly blinking away the tears before they could be shed. She straightens up her vest as she confidentally spoke, “I came to say goodbye and to pray we never see each other again. What happens to you is no longer my concern. King Tommen has granted me leave from your service and is sending me home today. My only wish... my only wish is that we part with our truths laid out to one another... the way it always should have been.”

Cersei finally turns to look up at the woman standing over her, feigned smile spreading over her filthy face, “What truths, pray tell?”

“The truth is you were right, Queen Regent. I did betray you,” Y/n carefully watched as Cersei’s face twisted with several emotions before continuing, “I betrayed you to the High Sparrow. I confessed my sins to him and thus revealed yours. I told him everything, from our affair to yours and Ser Jaime’s. It wasn’t your cousin who turned you in. It was me.”

For years, Y/n has watched Cersei play the game with eager eyes and thin smiles and it wasn’t until recently did Y/n want to see the smug smile wiped from her former Queen’s pretty face. In her dreams, Y/n could imagine this and feel satisfaction bloom in her stomach, fulfilling her without food or water and lasting her till she is old in age. Now, finally succeeding in making Cersei lose at her own game, Y/n doesn’t feel that satisfaction she desired. All she could feel was guilt and shame.

Cersei’s face crumbled until it was laid bare for Y/n to read her as a childrens’ book, the Lady Lannister’s voice becoming accusatory, “So I was right. All you’ve ever wanted was to see my downfall.”

Y/n felt as though she had been slapped in the face, hating herself even as the words fell out, “No... never. Not when I loved you.”

Cersei looked back up when she heard Y/n kneeling down to her height, meeting her shining eyes as her former handmaid whispered as though she spoke a secret, “You might not see it as I do, but if I were to recall... you were the one who betrayed me first. I only returned the favor. Farewell... my lioness. I will pray for the next whore you decide to take to bed.”

The way Cersei’s face fell only made Y/n feel worse as she stood, turning to leave. The former handmaid wanted this woman to beg for her life as she once did in her own cold cell. She wanted Cersei to squeal and cry and feel her heart break as she once did, betrayed by the woman she loved. In a last ditched effort, Y/n kicked her pouch of water close to the cell door, far from Cersei if she even tried to reach it.

“No-- wait, Y/n, please-!”

Y/n hastily made her exit, slamming the cell door behind her to shut out Cersei’s pleas. As she walked down the hall, Y/n could feel a tear slip past her detection... as well as a smile of freedom.

~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Hi I’m back on my bs again. It’s been a busy couple of weeks and now that I’m caught up on House of the Dragon and no longer working nights, I feel fueled to write again. Please support and leave a request in the ask box!

[filmtv2022]

Every Part Of You

Pairing: Aziraphale x Reader (Female Reader) 

Synopsis: Aziraphale struggles to understand why the reader would want to be with him. The reader takes it into her own hands, and does what she can to prove that he is more than worthy of her love. 

Warnings: slight spice/suggestive behavior/kissing

A/N: I loved writing this shorter piece. Also, I know this is a story with a female reader, but I firmly believe that Crowley and Aziraphale are endgame for the actual course of the show. We need season 3 of Good Omens ASAP! Those two blundering idiots (with all the love and affection) love each other!

Warm light filled the room, though the sky outside the windows sat pitch black. Even the stars didn’t shine. Heavy rain beat on the glass, creating a steady calming rhythm. Snuggled into his side, her head rested on his chest, their legs tangled beneath the sheets. Strong hands held her as they traced patterns along their bare skin. A sleepy haze settled over her, but the same didn’t seem to be happening for him. His body remained tense as if he was ready to spring out of bed at any moment. 

Pushing herself up on an elbow, she scanned over his face. Deep lines of contemplation sat between his furrowed brows. Smoothing over the lines with the tips of her fingers, she watched as he turned his face to meet theirs.

 “What’s going on in that head of yours?” 

“It’s nothing, I promise,” his voice was steady but low.

“Don’t try to lie to me, I know you better than that,” she brushed an errant curl from his face as she whispered, “Talk to me, please.” 

“I just… I don’t…” turning slightly, he wrapped her further in his arms, “I don’t understand how I got here.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I don’t understand how a woman like you could ever love a man like… well, like me.” 

“What are you talking about? You can’t possibly be that daft.” She chuckled quietly, but the humor quickly faded when she clocked the look in his eyes. His question was no attempt at humor. 

“You’re serious?” she waited for a response, but when none came she kept going, “Oh my god, did I do something to make you feel-”

“It’s not you, trust me.”

“Then what is it? Who is it?” 

“It isn’t one person, it’s… I see the way people look at us when we walk down the street or sit down for a nice dinner out. Their eyes linger just a touch too long before they turn to whisper to their friends. Their attention never truly leaving us. Confusion, that’s what I see on their faces.” 

“You’re wrong. If you think for a second that you’re not worthy of my love, then you’re wrong. I’m not sure you’ve ever been more wrong.” 

“Sweetheart, please don’t try to make this better, I-”

“No, I’m not going to let you keep thinking this way. Just listen to me for a second, will you?”

“Okay, fine, I'm all yours.”

“Wonderful. Now… where should I start?” Roving over his face and body with her eyes, she contemplated where to begin, “Oh, I know, how ‘bout we start with this.”

Her slender hand came up to brush gently over his forehead, following the gentle curve of his hairline, “I love this mind. Your creativity, your intelligence. The way you are always thinking of me, looking for ways to care for me.” He smiled sweetly up at her, running her fingers along the fine lines of his forehead, but it didn’t reach his eyes. There sat a sadness and uncertainty in his gaze. 

Sliding her fingers into the soft curls a low hum rumbled through her chest. She combed through his shocking white locks as she continued to speak, “And these curls, the way they feel between my fingertips it’s… it’s heaven.” 

Tugging lightly at the roots, she watched in awe at how his eyes closed in reverence and his head fell further into the pillow, exposing his neck to her. A quiet noise fell from him and he focused on her touch. Her soft lips pressed into his temples, brushing a feather-light kiss to each.

Pulling back just enough to see his face again, she swept her thumb gently over his lips, the soft flesh moving delicately under her touch, his eyes fluttered open at the sound of her words, “And your voice, I love that too. The way you speak life back into me when I need it most.” 

Bringing their lips together, she allowed the kiss to linger. His strong hands came to rest on her back, pressing her tenderly to him hoping beyond anything to hold onto this moment. Breaking the embrace, the warmth of her breath was hot on him as she spoke, “Your lips, the way they feel against my body… it’s intoxicating.” 

Firmly held beneath her luscious weight, he lifted his head so that he could find her skin. Taking his time, he laid a line of fire along the column of her throat and along her chest. A sharp gasp tore through the air as he mouthed at the swell of her breast, his teeth raking lightly against the tender flesh. 

“Don’t try to distract me, my love.” 

He grumbled in amusement, “All right, as you were.” 

“Thank you,” a bright smile painted her face.

Sliding down his body, her hands and lips trailed in the wake. His muscles twitched beneath her touch, the feeling of her sent electricity running over every inch of him, “You know what else I love, dear?” 

Giving him no time to speak, the coarse hair on his chest tickled her nose as she nipped at the spot over his heart, “I love this heart and the way that it cares for others. You make people feel special ... like they matter.” 

She soothed over her bite before moving to place a nearly imperceptible kiss on his sternum. Trailing down over his soft stomach, she listened to the way his breath hitched, his hands found purchase on whatever part of her they could. She reached the waistband of his boxers, toying with the smooth cotton. His hips jerked up to meet her touch, and a desperate whine fell from him as he begged for more. A sly grin twisted her lips at his neediness, “Hold on darling, I’m not quite done.” 

Throwing a leg over his, she straddled his hips, the blankets that had covered her pooled around her waist leaving her entirely exposed to his gaze. One of his hands found the curve of his waist, holding her in place. While the other wandered higher, palming her breast. Leaning down. she pressed her chest into his, finding his lips again. It started slowly, languid, but grew heavier as the seconds passed. Her hips rolled against his, earning a heady groan from him. Matching her need, he threaded his thick fingers through her silky locks, gripping tightly to keep her close. 

With her lungs heaving for air, she was forced to pull back, her forehead resting on his, “I love you. Every part of you. Please, don’t you ever doubt that again.” 

“Never,” smiling against her lips, he held her more surely, closing the minuscule gap between them.