#I knew I’d lost weight the past few months. but holy fuck!!

[jimmyandthegiraffes]

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[buckyownsmylife]

Holy Ground - Chapter 1

The one where Andy seems to have lost everything, but he’s not ready to give up.

A terrible car accident ruins Andy Barber’s idea of a perfect life. But if the love’s still there, why wouldn’t he retrace the steps that led him to his happy ending? After all, the best love stories were made to be written more than just once.

for general warnings and author’s notes, please go to the fic’s masterlist and if you’d like to be tagged on my following Chris Evans and characters stories, just fill out this form.

Andy’s P.O.V.

The never-ending beeping of the machine had become a constant in my life. It was both a melody and a curse, a relief and the worst of tortures, it truly depended on my mood for the day. Sadly, for the last few weeks, it was hard to remember that this meant a good thing, it meant she was alive, there was still hope for us. 

Hope was dying quicker than the woman on the bed, who I watched with unwavering attention, and that only meant it was getting harder and harder to remember that she was still even there. 

A body isn’t a life, that had never been as obvious to me as it was right then, and although her hand was safely wrapped by mine, she never seemed more distant than in that moment. So close, yet so out-of-reach. Still alive, but seemingly just… not there.

Sighing, I released her hand only to run both of mine over my face, needing a moment to close my eyes and imagine I was somewhere else, anywhere else other than this stupid fucking hospital, the only place I ever went to since the accident.

But then, as it happened every time I tried to sleep, flashes of what I imagined had happened to her startled me into opening my eyes again, and sitting up on the chair that was starting to mold into the shape of my body. I really needed her to wake up. Soon.

A surge of anger rushed through me - not the first one I’d felt since this entire situation had happened, and suddenly I was up from the chair, leaning over her, cradling her unresponsive face in my hands.

“Wake up,” I urged, trying to shake her as softly as possible, but still determined to get a response from her. “Wake up, dammit.” 

Unsurprisingly, it was in vain. There was no response, no single movement, no sign from the heavens that the woman I loved was even there at all.

Defeated, I slumped back on the chair and pondered over the same damn details when suddenly, something happened. The beeping had changed. It was quicker now, mirroring my own heartbeat inside my chest.

“Nurse!” I shouted, desperate for someone, anyone to tell me that this was good news, but the second two people entered the room in blue scrubs, I was being thrown out. 

“I’m sorry, sir, but we need you to go wait in the lobby. Someone will come get you once things are stable again.”

Stable. Again.

That’s not what I wanted. No, it was not. Because nothing about my life with Y/N had ever been just “stable”. That word could simply not encompass everything she was, everything she meant, everything we had lived together. Not the way she woke me up with the smell of pancakes in the morning, only to be singing the softest of melodies when I got to the kitchen to watch her sway and cook at the same time. Not the way she listened attentively to everything I ever got to say, especially when I was frustrated and it took me some time to make any sense at all. Not the way she held me in her arms when the night came and brought horrors from the past to my mind, raising nightmares that seemed even worse while I was awake.

I wanted her back, and not the beeping of the machine that kept her there, but not really alive. That wasn’t alive. That was merely existing, and that’s how I felt that I was doing, too. But how does one find the motivation to even try when the love of your life is just… not there?

I was quickly becoming overwhelmed by my own feelings, I could recognize that. Finally deciding to take a seat in the waiting area, I covered my face again as I struggled to think through the fog of emotions clouding my brain. What the hell was happening back in her room? Could it be…

No. I could not afford to think that. I could not afford to lose her. Looking up to the ceiling in the hopes to control my desperate desire to cry, I prayed to whoever was listening that they gave me my girl back. I needed her. God, how I needed her.

“Mr. Barber?” I almost got whiplash from how quickly I turned to meet the doctor, trying to determine if he was coming to share bad or good news by the expression on his face. Unfortunately, the dominion of emotions came with the profession - I expected that, mostly because I used to have the same skill, developed in the exercise of mine.

The days where legal routines ruled my week seemed like a lifetime away.

“We have some news for you.” I nodded, not trusting my own voice as I got up from the chair to follow the doctor closer to the room where she rested, hopefully still alive. “At last, there was some response to the treatment we had been administering…” I ended up blocking whatever medical terms he used while explaining what had happened as I tried to peek through the curtains into the room, check if she was still there, still unresponsive but there. “...She’s waiting for you.”

That startled me, making me meet the doctor’s eyes again.

“I’m sorry, what?” 

The man had a good heart, that much was obvious, because instead of impatient, he just smiled and repeated, “She’s awake now. We still haven’t been able to figure out the damage that the impact has done on her cognitive functions, but she’s alive and awake, and when we said you had been waiting, she asked to see you.”

I nodded, immediately turning my back to the doctor without any further comments and reaching out for the door, eager to see her again. I knew I’d only believe that she was awake when I saw it with my own two eyes.

Her gaze fell on mine when I pushed the door open, my mouth falling open and tears erupting from the utter relief that I felt. It was really true. She was okay. We’d be okay.

I threw myself on her before even thinking twice about it. Instinctively, I knew how to avoid the wires and bruises she still had, after having spent so long just looking at her, memorizing every inch of her face while she couldn’t move.

When her arms closed around me, it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. And then I was crying. Just like she always did the few times I’d done this before ever since we got together, she just held me, hands softly running circles on my back as I let go of all the pain and fear I’d been accumulating these last few months without her.

She didn’t even say anything, just patiently waited as I slowly calmed down, sniffling like a little kid and taking her natural perfume in now that I could bury my face in the crook of her neck. I knew that my unkept beard tickled her, but despite a few chuckles, she never complained.

I was thankful for that. Because I truly needed this. I needed to feel close to her again, in this physical sense, as long as it was the only one I could have until she was able to leave this hospital. I hoped to God that now that she’d woken up, it wouldn’t be too long before I could get her back home.

“How are you feeling, my love?” I watched her eyes momentarily widen, seemingly in surprise, when I pulled away to watch her expression, knuckles grazing softly over her cheekbones. And then she looked confused, maybe even guilty, that deep frown appearing between her eyebrows as she almost pouted at me.

“I’m okay, I swear. I wish you wouldn’t have spent this long waiting for me here.” The sentence was so puzzling it froze me on the spot. What did she mean, I shouldn’t have waited for her to wake up? I should have simply gone home and walked around like nothing was wrong, while she was here alone, possibly dying?

“Why is that?” I finally managed to get out, reaching out to hold one of her tiny, freezing hands between mine, and although she once again looked up in shock at me, she seemed somewhat grateful, the goosebumps along her arms showing just how cold she really was.

“I mean… You just didn’t have to, Andy. I know you’re a nice guy, I wouldn’t have agreed to go on that date with you if I didn’t think so, but I think this is too much, even for you. You barely know me. There was no reason to feel so obligated to keep me company, you know?” And just when I was sure that the pain in my chest signaled a heart attack, she looked down at our joined hands, squeezed mine and said, “Although I must admit, I’m kinda glad you did. I’ve been dreaming about our second date ever since you brought me back to my apartment and gave me that kiss.”

The weight of my wedding ring suddenly became all I could focus on, even if she didn’t even seem to realize the metal was there, warming her cold skin. But it was the burning of the matching jewelry safely tucked inside my pocket since the night of the accident that really made me realize that car crash might have taken more from me than I ever expected.

[sirowsky]

The Flowers Always Know

Description: When a mad scientist uses you as an experiment while you’re on holiday, the Heroics only just manage to save you. And in your recovery you become very close to the leader of the group. (Slow burn)

Warnings: Language, little angst.

Link to Masterlist

Comment: A lot happens in this chapter, and we finally get some real sparks going. Also, Máma Moreno starts butting in.

Chapter 5

  Three months later, you were not only back on your feet, but running. You’d never really been a runner before, but now it seemed like such a freedom, you could barely get enough of it. You’d lost a lot of weight during your coma, and you were scrawny to begin with, so the nutritionist had not been happy when you’d started requesting more physical activity. But after making a solemn vow to eat as much as he asked, he’d finally agreed. And you had both been surprised to discover that you had gained weight even quicker as your body converted the fuel into muscles.   You were actually heavier now than you ever had been, and you were genuinely proud of that, because you knew it meant that you were not only strong again, but stronger than before. It felt like a visible testament to your victory over evil. Plus – you looked good. You’d even gotten the colour and natural volume back in your hair.

  You were still living at the Heroics HQ medical facility, and you were still being tested to the nines every single day, but you didn’t mind. Everyone here were nice to you, and it wasn’t like you were in a cage, you went outside every day. They just didn’t like you to wander off too far, since you hadn’t been discharged yet, which meant you were still their responsibility.   You’d been pleasantly surprised to find out that they had taken care of all your bills and payments while you were in a coma and the subsequent rehabilitation, so your house was still very much in order for whenever you’d be heading back there.

  Marcus had been instrumental in your recovery. As soon as they discovered that his electromagnetic currents helped you, the science-department had temporarily melded with the medical department to figure out why that was, and what was the optimal way of utilising this fortuitus abnormality.   Luckily for you, that had meant many long hours spent with Marcus by your side as he carefully experimented with stimulating your muscles into cooperating with you. It hadn’t been nearly as sexy as it sounded, but it did offer you plenty of time to talk to each other, and you knew a lot more about him now. Or, at least a lot more about Missy. The proud dad had quickly emerged once he got more comfortable with you.   Curiously, though, no one had been able to work out just how his current had such a positive influence on your body. They thought that it might have to do with some sort of harmonisation between the tiny electrical impulses in your nerves and the frequency of his current, but they couldn’t say for sure, because so far, all of their tests had been inconclusive.

  Today was going to be a special day for you, in terms of the testing, because they wanted to do a full-scale physical exam, complete with endurance- and strength-tests, something you’d actually been looking forward to. You were excited to find out if you were getting close to getting that clean-bill-of-health stamp any time soon.   The tests themselves were gruelling. They involved running pretty much as fast as you could, in short intervals, but in the break between each interval you had to do a strength exercise. Weight-lifting, or working with kettle-bells, or just regular push-ups, there were lots of different ones.   After that, you were given an hour to rest, before you were going to be put through an obstacle course to check your agility and reflexes, and it was at this point that Marcus joined the small crowd of maybe thirty people, that had gathered to find out how you’d do.   And you were slightly concerned to see him exchange a look with his mother, the almighty Anita Moreno, at the back of that crowd. What could she possibly want to see this for?   He was in his uniform again, and looked winded, as though he’d hurried to get there in time to see this. He met your eyes and gave you an encouraging nod.   You’d been told that this course was one that the Heroics regularly used for training, and that they’d scaled it down a bit for you, but that the aim was still to test your physique quite rigorously, so it wouldn’t be easy.   You took your place on the start-line, and waited for the whistle.   It really was a tough course. You had to use your whole body to get past practically every single obstacle, and by the end, you were so tired that you collapsed the moment you crossed the finish-line, to the enthusiastic applause of the little crowd.   The twins were by your side immediately, taking your vitals to make sure that you were only normally tired, not dangerous-tired. They’d been with you the whole day, and this was the final hurdle before you’d all get to rest. They’d both been sweating almost as much as you, just from worrying about you.

  “All good. She’s okay.”

  Amaire declared to the supervising physician. He, in turn, looked at his digital pad and tapped a few times, then a smile crept into his features.

  “Well, it’s not a course-record, but considering the fact that most humans don’t even finish this course on their first try, I think we can give you your stamp now.”

  You sat up and stared wide-eyed at him, while Amaire shoved a water-bottle into your hand and all but pushed it into your mouth.

  “I’m officially declaring you completely recovered, and no longer in need of our medical assistance. Congratulations, miss. You really are a miracle.”

  Joy bubbled up inside you as you took in his words. You’d made it. You’d actually made it. There was a light-hearted laughter in your throat as you worked on getting your pulse under control.

  “Don’t let Miracle Guy hear you say that, Doc, whatever you do.”

  “Hah, I’ll keep that in mind.”

  Then Marcus was suddenly right in front of you, pulling you to your feet and into a tight hug in one fluid movement. He’d never hugged you before, and you wished that he hadn’t done it now when you were soaking his uniform in your sweat. But, holy crap, his arms felt good around you.

  “Felicidades, preciosa! I knew you’d be ready. How do you feel?”

  “Thank you, Marcus, I feel amazing. Like I wanna sleep for a week, but still amazing.”

  Reluctantly, you pulled back to look at him. As wonderful as it was to be encircled by those arms, you wanted him to see your eyes when you spoke again.

  “Really, thank you. I don’t know if I could have recovered this well without you, or if I would’ve even been able to wake my body up, ever again. I was trapped in the most impossible position imaginable, and you set me free. I’ve never thanked you for that. I don’t know how I could ever thank you enough.”

  He seemed slightly embarrassed by your gratitude, and his eyes seemed a bit glossier as he pulled you back into his arms and held you even tighter.

  “You have no idea what it means to me to see you like this. Strong and healthy and happy. I’ll never forget those eyes that stared up at me that day in the hospital, and I spent every day after that feeling helpless and useless every time I walked into your med-chamber. You don’t owe me a damned thing, hermosa. The fact that I get to see those eyes smile again, is more than I could ever ask for.”

  Someone clearing their throat very loudly and deliberately, made you automatically pull away from one another. And then you nearly choked on your own saliva when you realised that it was his mother.

  “Hey, mom. I was wondering what brought you here today.”

  “Aren’t you gonna introduce me, hijo? Didn’t I raise you to be polite?”

  “It’s polite not to sneak up on people, deliberately trying to make them uncomfortable, máma. She doesn’t need your dramatics today.”

  You couldn’t help but smile at the two of them. You were never close with your own family, so it always warmed your heart to see people who were. And he’d spoken about his mother during your long conversations in the med-chamber, so you knew that they were extremely close, which was why they could argue quite heatedly without ever getting truly angry with one another.

  “That’s okay. A little drama can be very entertaining.”

  You looked from Marcus to his mother, and then introduced yourself, with a respectful nod, rather than offering your still sweat-soaked hand. She gave her son a sideways glance.

  “Don’t you have some work to attend to, boy?”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Do I look like I’m joking?”

  “Do I look like I’m about to leave you alone with a woman that has no idea just how horrid you can be?”

  “When have I ever been horrid?!”

  “Oh, would you like me the count it out for you? Or would the word ‘ambassador’ suffice?”

  “That was just a misunderstanding, and that boy was beyond over-sensitive.”

  “He was a war-veteran and you deliberately pushed all of those buttons, until he crashed, just to make a fucking point.”

  “Hey, mind your language.”

  “Not even a little bit. Now, whatever you want with my friend, you can either start talking, or you can go away.”

  You didn’t miss the slightly possessive edge to the way he said ‘my friend’, and you were a tad concerned at just how much you liked it. His mother scoffed and then turned on her heels and walked away.

  “Sorry about that. She’s… tricky.”

  “I wouldn’t have minded speaking with her, you know.”

  “I’m sure you wouldn’t, but you don’t know her. She’s never once asked about you, even with all the time I’ve spent in the med-section. Never wanted to know how you were doing or even anything about you. So, the fact that she’s approaching you now, when you’ve just been cleared, means she’s up to something.”

  “Well, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t touched by your willingness to protect me from monster Máma.”

  He got a sheepish expression on his face and bowed his head to look at his own shoes.

  “I’d happily protect you from anyone.”

  “Thank you. I’ll remember that if I’m ever in trouble again.”

  He looked up at you, and for a moment his face was pained, before he quickly tried to adapt a more neutral expression. It didn’t quite work.

  “So… you’re leaving then?”

  “Well… I doubt they’ll just let me stay, rent free. Not to mention take up a med-chamber that someone else will undoubtedly need at some point. And I do miss my house, not to mention the cleaning I’m in for. God, I wonder if any of my plants made it? Is it weird that I’m looking forward to cleaning? And cooking, holy crap, do I miss cooking, and sun-bathing in the garden with my favourite music, and curling up on the sofa…”

  He smiled a kind of knowing smile, though, it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

  “Oh, I’m rambling now, aren’t I?”

  “A bit. But I get it. Home is… home. I’m glad you get to go back to yours.”

  “Me too. Um… so, I’m sure there’s a bunch of paper-work I’ll have to sign and I most definitely need a long shower and a lot of soap before I go anywhere. But I’d love to see you before I leave.”

  “Sure. I’ll most likely be in the control room, or my office. Just ask around.”

  “Okay.”

Authors’ Note: I love criticism, don’t be shy to let me know if there’s anything you like/don’t like/have questions about.

@blueeyesatnight​

[jayjaysocks]

Listing my favorite animes (because I’m jumping on the bandwagon)

❗️⚠️ *spoilers!! (Duh)* ❗️⚠️

5. Deadman Wonderland

I was really really sad when I found out this anime got cancelled. The music was fantastic, the animation was really good, and the voice acting was incredible. Even the fucking dubbed version (I loved the voice they chose for Senji. God he was hilarious). I binged this show so fucking fast it wasn’t even funny. I loved watching the characters go through their own struggles and grow as people in the very small amount of episodes provided. There was a lot of development within the snippet that we actually saw, and I was thoroughly impressed with how well it was done. I wanted to scream or something when I found out there wouldn’t be a second season.

Sigh. Oh well. At least we got some of the manga’s masterpiece translated into a show, even if we were missing some fucking awesome characters.

4. Guilty Crown

Ugh, don’t even get me started. This anime was beautiful and I got so invested so freaking quickly. I literally go back every few years to rewatch it because I get ship starved.

Shu and Inori’s story was so beautifully done; between Shu uncovering his courage and Inori’s journey of self-discovery, I was continuously awe-struck and filled with feelings—I mean, I had never felt such raw emotion while watching something and I was completely blown away by the affect it had on me. Anger, hatred, sadness, it was all there (even for the main character lmao) and it was one of the first times I had ever felt a ship so heavily that I literally cried at the end. It was one of the very first Animes I’d ever seen and was one of the reasons I got such a taste for them. Thanks for throwing me down that rabbit hole, GC.

3. Soul Eater

This was literally the first Anime I’d ever seen, and my god I couldn’t have asked for a better starter. What I like about this one is that it’s style is so unique and different. It’s very punk and grunge, something I admired and appreciated in a genre that is normally the opposite (like Guilty Crown, for example). Also the fight scenes were badass, like holy shit just look at that gif ??? Freaking amazing.

I loved the way the show transitioned from light hearted to intense and adrenaline pumping so effortlessly. That can be said about a lot of shows, but this one went from *haha cute show* to *holy shit, like they’re actually gonna die ohmygod howaretheygoingtosurvivethis* so smoothly I was genuinely surprised. They made one of the main villains actually cool and each character had their own beautifully done arc. I loved and adored how the show solidified and expanded on the different friendships/relationships that were involved—specifically Soul and Maka’s (also, holy shit, Stein’s arc? Fucking prime, dude). There was a lot of growth in each and every friendship (CRONA!!!), and that really pushed the viewer to invest in the individual characters.

I am fucking delighted that this was my first anime, and (though the ending was a little anticlimactic) it remains one of my top favorites to this day. It set the bar pretty fucking high, and for that I am extremely greatful.

No one asked for Soul Eater: Not! It is the unspoken sin of the Soul Eater world (then again, it is called Soul Eater: Not!)

2. Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood

If you have been following me for a while, then you are no stranger to my love of FMAB. Some of my most popular posts are about this anime, and for good reason.

Unfortunately, I was late to the party. I actually didn’t watch this until last year, but got invested really damn quick. I have a tendency to be extremely picky about the animes that I watch/like (which is why NONE of these shows are that recent), to the point that I will literally research them before I start watching (a bad habit, do not copy me). I have an incomparably hard time finishing a show when I start, because I get bored really quickly, but this was an exception. I started watching and I just... didn’t stop. I spent a straight week watching FMAB, gobbling it up during any small amount free time I could manage, and finished it before I even knew what happened. I wasn’t picky about it, I didn’t research it, I just dove right in and gosh, I was not disappointed.

The subtle romance that was alluded throughout the entire show was super cute, the devotion the brothers had for each other was to die for, and the struggles that each person went through was more than moving. I never once found myself bored while watching, and that’s saying a lot for my adhd ass. I was invested in each and every second of that damn anime and I was never, ever left underwhelmed. That probably had to do with the fact that every. Single. Character. Had a purpose. I’m not even kidding. Every single person contributed to the big fight at the end and that alone is fucking fantastic.

Not to mention ALL the women, every female character, was a badass bitch. None of them were reduced to sex appeal or romantic subplot, they all had real feelings, real arcs and real, unadulterated badassery that I thoroughly admired and appreciated. I could watch this anime over and over again every single month and I wouldn’t get bored. Between the emotional struggle, self discovery, and personal development of each character, I promise you will not see a lack of plot or meaning here. The more you watch, the more you discover and that is not a lie. There are so many layers to its story, which only makes me wish I had watched this sooner.

There is nothing I have to offer in the ways of criticism, and for that I couldn’t be happier. Thank you, Hiromu Arakawa, for such an incredible piece of art. You deserve every bit of love that this manga/anime gets. You go girl.

1. Cowboy Bepop

Holy shit holy shit holy shit this anime is so fucking good and it has been my favorite for so damn long. I have been watching anime for years, and while some of the shows in my list have moved around, this one has yet to be bumped down from the top (and I doubt it ever will). There’s a reason it became such a cult classic.

For starters, the animation. I mean, just look at Spike and the way they animate his fighting (yes I am aware that this gif is from the movie, but that still doesn’t change my point). The sequences in the show/film have been reused in many other shows and for good reason. It’s good, incredible, actually and they make him look so badass with just a few hand movements. I was consistently impressed with the way the fight scenes were portrayed and wasn’t ever left underwhelmed or disappointed (or, for that matter, feeling like they completely over exaggerated/overcompensated the scene with huge close-ups and tons of debris and lights). I loved watching this and my heart was always pounding with every intense interaction. I didn’t feel bored during any of the episodes and always found myself laughing when they cracked a joke—pretty much all of their funny lines hit and that’s saying something, dude.

The show, while having a lighthearted surface, has a heavy meaning that you don’t see at first glance. It’s about dealing with grief and loss, and how the characters themselves accomplished that in different ways. The most prominent quote is the biggest indication of its moral “you’re gonna carry that weight”. Basically: ‘You’ve gotta pick up your baggage, because the world moves on, with or without you’. Or ‘You’re going to carry that weight whether you like it or not, because life keeps going’. When I figured out the show’s actual message, while staring at my ceiling in the long hours of the night, I almost cried. This realization brought something entirely different to the table, a new understanding of the show’s characters and overall essence.

The main characters, all of them, had depth. They had real, palpable depth, and even if you didn’t want to care you found yourself seriously interested in their lives. Each of them had relatively shitty pasts. Faye with her lost memories, Spike with Julia and the people who fucked him over, Jet with his old flame and the ISSP, Ed and her/his father... throughout the entire show we got to see how all of them dealt with these things, whether they wanted to continue on with life or not. The way they portrayed it was engaging, because the characters individual, contrasting journeys weren’t repetitive or one note. The beauty that the show holds so achinging close to its core, the layers of grief that the characters are wrapped in so delicately is almost suffocatingly real—because they’re all different. It’s something you discover when you think on the subject in a deeper light, which is another reason why I enjoy it so much. It has both a surface story and a deeper one. You can either take the show at face value or choose to understand the underlying moral.

This show inspired my very first, thoroughly fleshed out OC, and continues to inspire me to this day. It has contributed to my own personal growth, and has helped push me to continue my art and writing. It is beautifully written, beautifully executed and even though some of the episodes seem like filler, it has never disappointed me. I rewatch it all the time because there’s something so infinitely refreshing about the beauty of this anime, whether it be the way we watch the characters develop or the overall moral it portrays. This show has given us a message that is essentially timeless, it can be ‘carried’ through generation after generation, and still have the same impact—something I absolutely fucking adore.

I owe so much to this anime, including my very own artistic development. I discovered it during a really shitty time in my life and I couldn’t have asked for better timing. I will never tire of the bittersweet message or the thoroughly fucking fantastic animation. Everyone who contributed to this masterpiece deserves love, because it’s seriously fucking gold.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #427

“don’t pray for me when you’re the one enslaved”

Your ex taps you on the shoulder and says, “I still love you.” You say? I wouldn't say anything, I'm pretty sure I'd just break down. Do you play video games? Not really anymore. :/ I probably would, though, if I had the appropriate consoles for games I want. You can only replay PS2 games but so many times before you're tired of them. Do you spend a lot of time with family? No, honestly. Is your house more than two stories tall? It only has one floor. Have you ever hit your significant other? Has he/she ever hit you? I'm not in a relationship, but I have most certainly never hit an s/o, and they've never hit me. I wouldn't tolerate that shit. What makes you an attractive person? (Talk about your personality too!) I'm not. What color is your hairbrush/comb? White. What snacks do you have available in your household atm? Hm. Just some fruity grain and oats bars, as well as cashew ones. We try to keep sweets out of the house. Has anyone recently told you that they like you, or find you attractive? No. Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? Holy fuck yes, she's drop-dead gorgeous. Do you care about anyone that doesn’t care about you? Ha, I'm sure. Was your last Facebook friend requests from a male or female? Some random middle-aged man, like who are you sir. Which one of your relatives is most likely to embarrass you? My dad. He can be so rude to people sometimes. When was the last time you ate a bar of chocolate? Not sure. It's been quite a while. Do you play any games on Facebook? No. What would you like to get a degree in? It'd be nice to get a degree in Arts, but yeah... I'm never going back to school. Do you wake up a lot in the middle of the night? Pretty much every night. Would you prefer to read a book, watch a movie or TV show, or play a video game? Play a video game. Do you usually get popcorn or soda at the movie theater? Almost without fail. You've got to, it's part of the experience. What genre of films do you like the best? Horror. How many bank accounts do you have? None, actually. Have you ever had the flu? No, thankfully. What is your goal for the next few months? To start getting in shape/losing weight. I seriously hope this gym routine works out. Have you ever had some kind of sleep-disorder? How did it affect your life? I have seveeeere sleep apnea. It's shocking, I never would've guessed it, though, so the diagnosis (I had a sleep study, so yes, it's legit) was an extreme surprise. I don't snore at all, nor do I like pass out in the middle of something, but I stop breathing A LOT. For a year or two (no, that is not an exaggeration), it caused consistent, horrible, and violent nightmares/terrors. It made sleep frightening to me, and I was never getting a truly restful sleep. Now, I have an APAP mask (like a less extreme version of a CPAP mask) that helps me greatly. I only very rarely am surprised by a more subtle nightmare now. Have you ever had food poisoning before? Describe the experience. No, thankfully. What are two things that you have no problem paying full price for? Quality tattoos, for one. And maybe uhhh... idk. We're the kind of family that buys off-brand foods and drinks all the time because it's cheaper, so I can't say that. Maybe health care? Like I wouldn't want service from a sketchy dentist or something. Funny, charming, cute, romantic, smart - choose only 2 for the opposite sex. Charming and romantic. Have you ever let somebody use you? Why did you do it? No. You can go back in time & change something in your mom’s past - what is it? That's hard for me to say. She doesn't seem to like talking about her past very much, because I know it's turbulent with her mother. I would say her being disowned, but I don't know how that *actually* affected her. Maybe it was for the better she wasn't under her mom's authority anymore. Do you know anybody who is around the exact same size as you? Who? I guess my mom, but she's actually smaller than me now. She's lost a lot of weight and is still going at it. Ever been to a haunted house? How scared were you? Not a house, but rather hay rides and those places you just walk through and experience different stuff. They don't scare me at all; I love 'em. Been on any websites today you wouldn’t want your parents to see? No. Which is worse: dusting or mopping? Ugh, mopping. I don't mind dusting. Would you marry somebody who was intensely religious? No. Did you pull a senior prank? No. That shit is so dumb. Did you graduate? High school, yes. Have you ever been unfaithful in a serious relationship? No, and I never would. What was the last song you listened to? I'm listening to Lauren Babic and Halocene's cover of "Bleed It Out" by Linkin Park right now. It's great. Are you one of those lucky people with 20/20 vision? Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell no. Is fashion one of your interests? No. Do you think you’ll eventually find that special someone? Hell if I know. Do you care what people think? Way, way more than I should. Is acting something you enjoy? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I feel so stupid. What was the last thing you broke/sprained? I tore a ligament badly in my foot maybe a year and a half ago. I was SO sure it was broken. My mom had to help me walk everywhere, and even when she did, I'd be whimpering and seething. Have you ever fought with a friend because of their boyfriend/girlfriend? Because of yours? No. Has a stranger ever yelled at you for your language? No. Whose house, other than yours and your families', are you most comfortable at? If we're excluding all family, I suppose Sara's? Has any of your friends’ family ever yelled at you? Probably at some point as a kid. Did you ever play a sport as a little kid? Did you enjoy it? I played a lot. The only two I really didn't like were soccer and cheerleading. Did you ever watch the show Full House? Hell yeah, I loved it as a kid. Is there a celebrity you are just DETERMINED to marry? Ha ha y'all know I joke about it, but no, not legitimately. It's not like I know him personally at all, and I'm not chasing him to California either. Just let me dream still lmao. Have you ever burned someone’s picture? No, but I've actually heard it's truly therapeutic and not just for dramatic effect, so I wouldn't be opposed to doing so if you handed me a picture of him and a lighter. What’s the longest hike you’ve ever been on? I've never hiked before. Would you ever get a lip tattoo? Uh, no. Who is the first person of the opposite sex that pops into your head? Jason. Do your parents smoke cigarettes? My dad smokes like a chimney and is 100% going to end up with cancer because of it. You should hear his cough. Mom smoked for a very, very brief period before I was born. What does one of your T-shirts have written on it? "Equal in our bones" is on my favorite shirt. Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want. Certain inverts people are wild enough to get, like giant African centipedes in particular. Would you prefer your partner smaller or taller? Can't say I care. do you enjoy going through old pictures? Sometimes. Other times, it's too painful. It also depends on the era of the pictures. Do you believe people when they say they don’t judge people? Ha, no. We all have natural first impressions and things like that that just... happen. What did you love the most about the town you grew up in? Nothing, really... besides just childhood memories that inevitably came. My hometown was dangerous. What’s a movie that you laughed the hardest during? I'm not sure. What’s a movie you cried the hardest during? I want to say Old Yeller, but I'm not sure. What’s your favorite restaurant? Olive Garden and The Cheesecake Factory. Is there a dessert you don’t like? Yeah; I don't like pie, strawberry shortcake, and I know there're others. Favorite album? Ozzy's Black Rain. It was my introduction to metal, so there's nostalgic value there, but I also just LOVE every single song. What’s a book that you read because everyone else was reading it? None. I don't read books for that reason. Underwater or outer space? Both kinda frighten me to a degree, but I find outer space to be way cooler. So many colorrrrrrs. Dogs or cats? Cats. Kittens or puppies? Ugh, both are so cute, but I gotta hand it to kittens. Bird watching or whale watching? Whale watching would blow me away. Whales are such magnificent, awe-inspiring animals. What is your spirit animal? Probably a deer. Skittish, shy, and quiet. What was your best subject in school? English. What was your worst subject in school? Math. What is one thing you wish you knew in high school? You and Jason aren't going to last, hunty. Who is your fashion icon? I don't have one. I wear what I want/what's comfortable. Diamonds or pearls? I think diamonds are a lot prettier. What color dress did you wear to prom? First one was maroon, last one was black. What’s your favorite plot-twist? Silent Hill: Shattered Memories. My jaw actually dropped. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? Yes. Honestly, what’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad? Said things I shouldn't. Honestly, ever made anyone cry when you were mad? Yes. Honestly, when was the last time you REALLY cried your heart out? Two weeks ago or something like that. Ever pop someone else’s pimple? OH MY GOD NO alskdfa;wekrwer; Do you need to return anyone’s phone call? No. Who are you closest to? My mom. Have you ever had a bad concert experience? No. Are you currently sad about anything? A number of things. Have you had any form of exercise today? No, but tomorrow is day #2 at the gym! Can you handle blood? Yeah, np. Has any place hired you underage for a job? No. Have you ever carried a concealed weapon? No sir=ee. Are you currently searching for a job? Not anymore, at least not actively. I was going to after TMS, but I'm just... still not ready. Right now, I'm focusing on the gym and getting healthy again, but if the seemingly perfect job comes along, I'm not opposed to taking it up. Does eating breakfast make you sick? No, I've got to have breakfast or else THEN I feel awful.

[rene-writes-or-tries-to-write]

How to Break John Winchester’s Nose: A fangirl’s guide

This was on my main, but I’m moving it here. 

                           - 7:36 PM, May 14, 2020, Pocatello, Idaho -

The road was empty. Nothing moved. Not even a breeze stirred the trees. As she watched, a speck rounded the corner. She narrowed her eyes. That was her mark. Time to go.

 The girl was tired, angry, and cold. She had been walking for hours, headed north toward Chubbuck. She had no true destination, just the need to get away. “Go for a walk,” they said. She’d been on more walks in the past couple of months than she had for the past year. She was bored of walks, and just wanted to go home. Unfortunately for her, she didn’t have a home, not really. She was so lost in thought that she did not notice the wind pick up. Dead leaves, grass, and dandelion fluff whipped around her. It was only when a stick hit her arm that she looked up to see the vortex forming around her.

 “What the fu-” her words were cut off by a high pitched noise. A second later she was gone, and there was no trace that she had ever been there.

                             - 9:52 PM, June 3, 1996, Pocatello, Idaho –

John Winchester was headed out of town, eager to return to Sioux Falls to retrieve his boys. The day had been a long one, and he hadn’t had much incentive to sticking around town. The dark of the night settled around his truck, and he relaxed slightly in the driver’s seat. Plenty of open road awaited him, and the drive would take a couple of days, allowing him a couple of stops at bars, and the possibility of some company for a night. He put on some music and allowed his mind to wander.

 A half hour or so later, the ferocity of the wind brought him back. The wind was going crazy, seemingly forming a vortex. Immediately, all traces of relaxation disappeared from John Winchester. He slammed the brakes to avoid the funnel, grabbed his gun, and reached for the door.

 The wind stopped. Leaves and sticks fell to the ground. In the center of it all stood a girl, looking to be somewhere around the age of fifteen. She was wearing a leather jacket, jeans, and a t-shirt and scarf. She spun on her heel, absorbing her surroundings. She stopped when her eyes landed on the truck. John took this as his cue to exit said truck, gun hidden beneath his jacket.

 “Hey there,” he said, not wanting to startle her.

 “Hel-” she froze, getting her first good look at him. She sucked a breath in. John hesitated, weighing his next move. Before he came to a decision, a fist connected with his nose. He reeled back, cursing, and pressed a hand to his bleeding nose. Barely giving him a second to process the fact that the punch had been thrown with good technique and with a surprising amount of power, she followed it up with a sidekick. John dodged out of the way and fumbled for his gun. He had barely managed to pull it free when the side of the girl’s foot connected with it, sending the gun flying toward the side of the road. Her foot finished its arc, landing behind her in a fighting stance, only to spring off immediately to round kick him in the head. He blocked it and returned fire with a right hook, which she blocked. He followed the right hook with an uppercut, which she didn’t block. A rush of air left her. John didn’t give her time to recover, using the precious few seconds he had to grab the silver knife from his jacket and slash at her face. She responded quickly, but not quick enough, allowing the knife to slash across her arm. She grimaced at the cut, but didn’t display a worse reaction, which threw John for a loop. Given her mysterious appearance in the middle of the road, the way she had seemed to recognize him, and the immediate, well-coordinated attack, he had expected her to be, well, not human. Still, silver didn’t rule everything out.

 The girl, meanwhile, had retreated to John’s truck and was clutching her injured arm, hissing. She looked up at John warily, evidently expecting an attack. His next actions surprised both him and her. He strode over and held out his hand.

 “The name’s John Winchester. Can I get the name of the chick that just broke my nose?”

 The girl hesitated. She didn’t particularly trust John, but the mere fact that he existed… what harm could telling him her name do anyway?

 “Clara. I’d apologize for the broken nose but it’d be a lie.”

 “OK, Clara, you wanna let me take a look at that arm?”

 “You’re the one who cut it, why should I let you anywhere near it?”

 “I’ve got a med kit?”

 “….Fine.”

 John went around the truck to grab the med kit from the trunk, and also to avoid having the kid see the weapons in the back. A few minutes saw the kid’s arm cleaned and bandaged.

 “Well, I can’t leave you out here. Get in, I’ll take you home.”

 She snorted. “Home? Yeah, good luck with that.”

 “What’s that supposed to mean?”

 “Best to just show you,” she said, climbing into the truck, leaving John to get to the driver’s seat.

 “Where to?”

 “Hmmm? Oh, right,” she paused. “Pocatello, Idaho.”

 John simply nodded and drove, leaving the questioning for later.

                            - 11:38 PM, June 3, 1996, Pocatello, Idaho –

Clara had spent the last hour or so having her entire world turned on its head. She had been kidnapped by a cyclone (of all the clichés!), found by John Winchester, cut by John Winchester, treated by John Winchester, and driven by John Winchester. She’d broken his (John Winchester’s!) nose. She couldn’t stop running his name through her head on repeat, a fair reaction given that an hour ago the man had been a fictional character. She had no regrets about her initial reaction, as she felt wholeheartedly that the man deserved a broken nose, hell, she thought he deserved worse. He was a shitty father, not that great of a husband, and a terrible person in general. She did have some lingering doubts about letting him drive her anywhere. In the end, she figured, she could explain some of the truth, seeing as she likely didn’t legally exist in this universe yet.

She played with the ends of her scarf, nervous about his reaction. A sudden thought hit her, and she immediately zipped up her jacket to hide the Supernatural t-shirt she had on underneath, and tried to subtly rearrange her scarf to hide the slightly modified anti-possession symbols on the ends and the large, all caps “WINCHESTER BROTHERS” on it. John took notice and cranked the heat up.

“Cold?”

“Not anymore. Could we get some tunes?”

John reached behind them and grabbed a cassette tape at random, sliding it in. Zep’s Immigrant Song hit them at full volume, and Clara smirked, thinking of Thor: Ragnorak. The smirk disappeared a second later, when she realized that the MCU had yet to be introduced, much less developed to the point of Ragnorak. She felt slightly faint.

“You okay there?” 

“Hmm? Oh. Yeah. Perfectly fine. A bit thirsty.”

John took the opportunity to hand her the holy water, a move she had anticipated. She took a sip.

“Tastes a bit odd. Is it from some well in the middle of nowhere?” She drank some more. 

John had been watching her reaction closely, and was a tad bit startled.

“N-No, just a motel.”

He handed her a generously salted sandwich. 

“Here, you must be hungry.”

She took a large bite of it, then paused.

“Thoo much thalt,” she stated, mouth full. Swallowing the mouthful, she continued, “not enough meat.”

 “You’re human,” John blurted, surprised.

 “Well yeah, what’d you expect, three rats in a trench?”

 John forced a laugh.

 “You never know. So, mind telling me why you broke my nose before you even finished sayin’ hello?”

 “Oh, that’s easy. I find myself on a lonely stretch of road in the dark, alone but for a large black truck and a big guy, who judging by his stance, is ex-military, Marine if I had to guess, who is tense, likely trigger happy, and armed, going off of the glint of metal from his belt and the lump in his jacket, so logically, I get him before he can get me. You wouldn’t have been the first guy to jump me, and I learned my lesson pretty quickly after the first two times.”

 John’s mouth was hanging open, something Clara found quite amusing. Her explanation, of course, wasn’t the truth. Well, not the whole truth anyhow. She had been jumped before, and it was distinctly not pleasant. She knew he was an ex-Marine, not from his stance, but from knowledge brought from a totally different universe, from what she could guess.

 “I-I wasn’t going to attack you!” he said defensively.

 “Sure. Better safe than sorry though.”

 As she said that, the black truck rumbled to a stop in front of a no-tell motel. John got out, then turned around and asked, “ya comin’ or what, kid?”

 Clara slid out of the truck, dropping to the ground.

 “Why, and I cannot emphasize this enough, the actual fuck is this thing so high up?”

 “To make you complain. Hurry up, it actually is cold out here.” With that, he turned on his heel and marched into the lobby.

 The poor kid at the desk was awoken by John Winchester’s fist pounding the desk. They got one room, two queens.

 The moment Clara’s head hit the pillows she was out. Or so John assumed. She watched through mostly shut eyes as he methodically checked and cleaned his gun, then salted above the door and the windows. He finally crashed an hour after she’d “gone to sleep”. She waited another half hour, then allowed the darkness to drag her away from the land of the living.

                            - 6:43 AM, June 4, 1996, Pocatello, Idaho –

John Winchester awoke to the smell of coffee and bagels, and the sounds of an unfamiliar person moving about his room. Keeping his eyes shut, he inched his hand under his pillow, reaching for the familiar weight of his gun.

 And found nothing.

 A voice cut through the slight panic in his mind.

 “Looking for this?”

 John opened his eyes to see a fifteen year old girl standing above him, holding his gun. The events of the previous night came rushing back. He sighed, rubbed his eyes, and sat up, reaching out a hand to take the gun back. She set it in his palm, reached behind herself, and presented a cup of coffee.

“No idea how you take it, but I figured you might need some if we were gonna get an early start.”

 “Two things: I take it with two creams, no sugar, and how’d you pay for this?”

 “Noted, and I borrowed some money from your wallet. Drink up, I got you a bagel, you can eat it on the way.”

 ���…On the way to what exactly?”

 “To show you that I don’t exist yet, genius.”

 John had yet to drink the coffee, and thus did not really process her words or the fact that he was being bossed around by a teenaged girl.

 Twenty minutes saw John caffeinated, fed, and in the truck on the way to Clara’s high school to get at the student records. It was at this point that he remembered her nonsensical statement.

 “What the hell do you mean you don’t exist yet?”

 “Oh. Um. Right. So while I was out this morning, I grabbed the paper. The date’s the 4th of June, 1996.”

 “Yeah, and?”

 She sucked in a breath. “And I was born February 3, 2005.”

 Silence.

 “Come again?”

 “I was born Feb-”

 “No, I heard you. I just don’t see how that’s possible.”

 “Hey, I assume you saw that cyclone. It pulled me out of May 2020, on the road out of Pocatello.”

 “And you aren’t freaking out why, exactly?”

 “I watch a very weird tv show.”

 “So we’re going to your high school why?”

 “To show you I’m not on the records. But you’ll likely find Daddy Dearest on there.” The way she said “Daddy Dearest” was full of bitterness and loathing. John stored that away for later.

 “Right.”

 They spent the rest of the ride in silence. Upon arriving at the school, both of them slipped seamlessly into their roles. John, a tired single father, and Clara, his smart but shy daughter. The principal let them into her office, asking them a multitude of questions regarding their supposed move, Clara’s previous education, John’s job, their home situation, Clara’s fictional deceased mother. Fortunately for them, they both had plenty of experience lying on their toes. The moment the principal left to deal with a fight that Clara had set up on her way in by stealing one kid’s lunch and putting it in another kid’s bag, they were out of their seats, searching for the records. Clara started rifling through the drawers, while John seated himself in front of the computer. Four minutes later, John was clicking through student records and Clara was standing behind him.

 “No Claras in here.”

 “Probably because that’s a fake name. Try Rachel Fusson.”

 “No Rachels, but there are a whole slew of Fussons. Currently enrolled are Owen and Daniel.”

 “Owen’s the old man.”

 Footsteps told of the principal’s approach. John quickly exited the file and shut the computer down, while Clara scrambled to close all the cabinets. They both slid into their seats a moment before she opened the door and attempted to look innocent. The principal apologized for the interruption and continued her interrogation. It took them half an hour to escape her clutches.

                             - 8:36 AM, June 4, 1996, Pocatello, Idaho –

Clara had woken that morning drenched in a cold sweat. Upon realizing that there was no immediate danger, she had relaxed and turned to the clock. 4:22 AM. The fuck was she supposed to do at 4 AM? She glanced to her right and saw another occupied bed. John Winchester. Right. She was no longer in the middle of a global pandemic, nor was she anywhere close to her home universe. She wasn’t terribly upset about being pulled out of a world where she couldn’t hug her friends, or even really see them. She also wasn’t terribly upset about being yanked away from her relatives, seeing as they were fairly dedicated to beating her down in every way possible. They had belittled her, toyed with her emotions, and, depending on the “transgression”, beat her. She did, however, miss her friends, her pets, and her girlfriend. Fuck. What would they think had happened? A snore jolted her out of her thoughts.

 “Focus,” she hissed to herself.

 First order of business: coffee and food. She got up, putting 15 years of sneaking into use to grab John’s wallet, his gun, and her shoes. She slipped out the front door and went in search of a coffee shop. Half an hour of wandering brought her to a hole-in-the-wall run by a guy wearing more layers than a Winchester and sporting a mustache the size of Texas. She bought two cups of coffee, two bagels, and the paper. She grabbed a couple of cups cream and some sugar for John, and headed back to the motel. She’d downed half her coffee and most of her bagel (and made her bed) when he started inching his hand toward his pillow in search of his gun. She made her way over to him.

 Second order of business: get some food and coffee into John Winchester and then get him to the high school to show him the records and prove her case about being from 2020. She grinned at the panicked expression on the hunter’s face at finding no gun, holding up said gun and asking him if he was looking for it. Another half hour saw them safely arrived at the school, with John informed of her current predicament. Knowing they’d need a distraction, she put the shipper eyes to work, immediately spotting two boys with so much unresolved sexual tension between them that it’d turned to animosity from what she could see. She nabbed the taller one’s lunchbox, slipping it into the other one’s backpack. She hoped they’d get their heads out of their asses soon, but not soon enough to unravel her plan (everyone who said shipping was a waste of time and energy could suck it).

 After the principal left, Clara sprung for the drawers, having no idea how to work the old computer (John really wasn’t much better). She scanned through the files, seeing detention slips, complaints, and write-ups, but no records.

 “Hey.” John had found the records.

 Forty-five minutes later, they were back at the motel.

 “Okay, so lemme get this straight-” started John.

 Clara snorted. “Good luck with that.”

 John squinted, not getting it. He continued, “you were born in 2005, you came from the year 2020, and you can fight better than a lot of the “professionals” I know. Who the fuck are you, Clara? Or should I call you Rachel?”

 “Let’s stick with Clara. I’m just a kid from Pocatello. I can fight, because, like I said, I’ve been jumped before. Once was enough, so I learned to fight so next time I wouldn’t be helpless. Why are you taking the time travel thing so well? You didn’t freak out, just questioned the hows and whys.”

 “I’ve seen a lot of crazy shit, kid.” With that, he stood up and started packing the few things he’d unpacked the night before.

 Clara sat and watched him, having nothing of her own to pack.

 “Let’s go,” said John, moving out the door.

Chapter two here: X

[gayoperatorgunclub]

Hello ! 17 on the mythical prompt list with Bandit and Jäger please ? 👀 (Or any chars if you're not fond of them)

hi!!! here it is!!! i hope you enjoy 💝💝💝

Dominic was not insane. He was certain of it. Last night, he had hidden his ice cream inside of a secret compartment in the freezer. He distinctly remembered almost knocking over Elias’s mountain of chocolate ice cream, so he knew he hadn’t been hallucinating. But it wasn’t like hallucination wasn’t a possibility. He’d spent the past week or so staying up all night with Marius watching documentaries and keeping him from calling Gustave, Olivier, and Lera to tell them about how essential oils can be used to assist with certain ailments, but how they should be used as a supplement to more traditional methods such as vaccines and antibiotics, rather than replacing them entirely. He would have to tell them of this sacrifice next time he was in medbay for something “stupid”. They owed him big time. 

But enough of that. His chocolate fudge brownie ice cream was MISSING!!!!!!!! 

There was a thief in the GSG9′s midst, and mark his words, he would find out who if it was the last thing he did. 

First, the suspects. 

Elias “Blitz” Kötz. Goofball, but make him driven. Already has multitudes of chocolate frozen treats, and is thus unlikely to steal someone else’s, especially since the stolen ice cream was hidden, and if Elias was in the freezer in search of treats, he was not in the state of mind to be thieving while he was at it. You didn’t hear it from Dom, but when Elias isn’t on the clock, he is best described as a......... Himbo. 

Monika “IQ” Weiss. If you think for one goddamn second this woman consumes sugar outside of the mysterious week each month during which she eats her weight in chocolate, (the three men of the team each have their own theories about it, ranging from “werewolf” to “cheat week for chocolate addicts rehab” to “chocolate-fuelled alien who has infiltrated our society and is superior to us in every way. lads, we have a decision. either submit to this unknown species, or flee to the woods and live as hermits”) ANYWAYS!!!!!! Dom has a feeling that if he were to confront her about this, she would laugh him into next week. He has serious doubts about his self-esteem’s ability to recover from such an event, even if it would give him the perfect opportunity to storm medbay and tell Gustave the only way he would leave was if the Good Doctor would spend at LEAST an hour complimenting him. And nothing generic, either. These simply must come from the heart. He really just wants an excuse to make Doc talk with that sexy accent of his as much as possible. Is that so wrong? Either way, Monika is innocent. NEXT!

Marius “Jäger” Streicher. No. Absolutely not. Never. No way. Nein. How dare you even suggest it. Talk shit like that again and Dom will fuck you up, just you wait and see. Just you fuckin wait. Bitch. 

So. 

Clearly, God is testing him. 

Well. 

“Women want me, God fears me.” He muttered to himself angrily as he installed a hidden camera in the kitchen. 

“Dominic? Who are you talking to, mein liebe?” Dominic fell off the counter and landed flat on his back on the kitchen floor. He looked up, and swore he was in heaven, for there, above him, stood an angel in a GSG9 hoodie with the name “Brunsmeier” on it, and train-patterned sleepy pants. God bless. 

“Just, uhhhhhhhh. Living out my dreams of being a parkour superstar. Yeah. Yeah.” 

This sleepy little angel cocked his head a bit, brow furrowing and good LORD, isn’t he just the cuddliest canidae there is??? What? Marius has a fox-like appearance! Just because he has an attachment to his helmet and visor doesn’t mean his little squinty eyes, pointy nose, and tiny little mouth aren’t there! Not to mention those fucking EARS!!!! Scritch them if you want to be responsible for him. Little baby fox man. Baby. 

“You dreamed of being a parkour superstar?” 

“Yes. Lifelong dream. Finally living it out. I thank you for your support.” The angel grinned at him adorably and plopped himself down in Dom’s lap, then leaned down so he was laying on top of him. They were nose-to-nose now, and Dominic could NOT handle this kind of tension. Kiss me, you sweet little angel fox-man. Kiss me. 

“IF YOU TWO COULD NOT FUCK ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR THAT’D BE GREAT” 

Monika. Monika Why. Why. 

-

Many hours (and many rounds- HEYO) later, Dominic is hidden away in a closet, with clear access to the kitchen, and is watching the footage from his camera like a hawk. 

He ponders what he’ll do once he’s caught the bastard. Capital punishment isn’t an overreaction, right? Right. 

WAIT HOLY SHIT SOMEONE’S IN THE KITCHEN

Wait. 

Are those........ 

Ears? As in, dog ears? 

And a tail?! 

The GSG9 will have to have a lengthy discussion on appropriate workplace attire. 

In the meantime, Dominic has realized that this isn’t a person in the kitchen stealing his ice cream. 

It’s a fox. 

Like. 

A real, live fox. 

What The Fuck. 

He scrambles to get out of the closet to catch this fox. He’s fairly certain foxes shouldn’t have chocolate. He throws open the door, hits the floor hard, and the moment he does, he hears a quiet little yip! before the fox is scurrying down the hall, tub of ice cream in tow. 

Shit. 

- 

“ALRIGHT SCRUBS FAMILY MEETING” 

Marius stumbled in from his room, rubbing his eyes sleepily. Elias bounded over from the couch, noticed Monika wasn’t joining them, skipped over to pick her up and carry her over, that stupid the-lights-are-on-but-no-one-is-home grin plastered on his face the whole time. You beautiful stupid slut. You’re perfect. 

“There is a THIEF in our midst. Whoever it is, please just confess now and no one gets hurt.” 

Elias pouted. God, he probably has an appointment to get pegged in a few minutes. Better keep this quick. 

“Dominic, mein freund, maybe if you told us what has been stolen we could better help you figure out who it is!” Wow. Wow. How is this hot piece of helpful idiot not receiving constant requests for his hand in marriage. 

“My ice cream, Elias. I keep it in a hidden compartment in the freezer, and the past two nights, it has been stolen by an unknown scoundrel, and I demand to know who!” 

Monika banged her head on the table. “Hey dipshit, maybe if you could give us a description of the perp we would be of more use to you, instead of, you know, doing our jobs.” 

“Well, Monika. The perp is a fox.” 

Marius looked like he was going to be sick. 

“A...... fox? As in, the woodland creature?” 

“The thief had the ears and the tail of a fox! I’m not delusional. I swear it! They were real too!”

Marius stood up, slamming his hands on the table. 

“IT WAS ME!!!!” 

Dominic waved a hand dismissively. 

“Nonsense. You do right by everyone, you’re incapable of theft.” 

Marius’ face got all pinched, and he started vibrating. 

“What the fu-” 

All of a sudden, instead of Marius standing before them, there was a fox. 

A fox wearing Dom’s hoodie and a pair of train-patterned sleepy pants. 

There was silence. Distantly, Maestro could be heard singing “That’s Amore”

“So. Marius. When were you going to share with us that you’re a kitsune?” 

Marius looked angy. Had he eaten today? Perhaps he was hungy. Dominic just wanted an excuse to hold his fluffy boyfriend and take care of him. He’s allowed to be nurturing. 

“Can we leave?” Monika asked, “Because Elias has a very important appointment, and I’d like to get back to the workshop because if Masaru laid hands on my work I need time to locate a flamethrower with which to exact my revenge.” Elias nodded along nervously. 

“Yeah sure whatever. You two have fun.” Dominic turned back to Marius, who was once again human, and sitting on the table, swinging his legs back and forth like a child. 

“You,” Dom moved closer so he could trap Marius in his arms, “owe me two tubs of chocolate fudge brownie ice cream. And at least 24-hours of kitsune-cuddles to make up for lost time. Capisce?” 

“mhm” was all the answer he got before Marius was pressing his cute little face into Dom’s chest. 

[imagine-loki]

a Chance

TITLE: A Chance

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: One-shot

AUTHOR: breemaggs

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki apologizing to you for being cruel to you for no good reason and you responding that it’s fine, you’re used to it. He stares at you for a moment, trying to gauge if you’re joking (you are not), and finally replying, “That… does not make it better.” You only seem confused, which makes him feel even worse about being an ass to you.

RATING: M

NOTES/WARNINGS: Rated M for language. Enjoy!

I was uncomfortable. Like, so uncomfortable. I stared at the literal God and prince in front of me, wishing that I was anywhere but where I was. Anywhere. Social situations made me twitch at the best of times, but this was a whole other level. Seriously.

Because he wasn’t just putting me on the spot. He was forcing me to recognize the fact that he’d hurt my feelings, offended me, and just shit on me in general. In public. In front of people. In front of my co workers, some of which were the Avengers.

I’m sure I was fifty shades of red with embarrassment. Not because of his words. Not really. But because of where he’d chosen to do it. I’d always hated it when people stared and people tended to stare at Loki wherever he went.

The words, “I apologize for being, for lack of a better term, a complete ass to you over the period of our acquaintance. I’ve been rude and it was uncalled for. You’ve never been anything but polite to me. I’m sorry,” kept ringing in my ears. He couldn’t even just say I’m sorry like a normal person. Nope, he was way too eloquent for that.

“I-“ How did you politely explain that people had been putting you down your entire life and you were just… used to it? Just like that I guess.

I took a breath and tried it again. “Loki. It’s fine. Really. I’m used to it.” I shrugged for good measure.

The socially awkward introvert in me didn’t want to watch for his reaction, but the masochist in me couldn’t look away. His eyes widened slightly. His jaw dropped a fraction of an inch. His head tilted to one side. His brows furrowed a bit. He opened his mouth as if to speak and then stopped, rethinking his decision.

It was at this point that I dropped my eyes to my shoes. They weren’t cute, but they were comfortable and practical. Especially considering that I spent most of my day running from one emergency situation to the next within the compound.

He cleared his throat and I stared harder at my worn Nike’s. Once upon a time they had been a perfect dark blue. Now they were streaked with mud from the recent rain and scuffed from every day wear and tear.

“That…” A pause. Fuck, did he really have to say anything? “That does not make it better…”

The floor could open up at any moment and swallow me. That would be so, so welcome right now. Stranger things had happened in this place, right?

This was way worse than him staring down at me in disdain as he walked by. This was worse than him calling me a silly mortal or a measly peasant. This was worse than the one time he knocked into me with his shoulder when he passed me. This was worse than anything he’d ever done or said to me.

I’d survived so many situations similar to those that they barely fazed me anymore. This? I’d never had anyone apologize to me for their actions before. Ever. It was unfamiliar territory and I didn’t like it. Not one bit. I shifted my weight and fidgeted with the ring on my right ring finger.

“Look, it’s not a big deal, okay? Just let it go.”

I just wanted to escape. My eyes scanned the room for the closest exit. It was a familiar practice and I was able to find it over Loki’s left shoulder, which was unfortunate, because I’d have to literally walk past him to get to it. Definitely not ideal. I bit my lip. I’d have to do it. I seriously could not stand here with him for another second.

“Excuse me,” I muttered.

I started forward and tried to duck around him. I expected him to move. Surely this was as awkward for him as it was for me? He didn’t move. I all but plowed him down in my desperate attempt to get out of the room and away from all of the prying eyes.

He grabbed my arm and I was forced to stop. I swallowed and briefly met his eyes with mine before immediately lowering them. Major mistake. They were burning a bright, icy blue. I couldn’t pick out all the emotions swirling in their endless depths, but they were intense. I couldn’t stay here. His scrutiny alone was likely to burn me alive.

“I said excuse me,”I repeated, hating how mousy and meek my voice sounded.

He nodded and let me go, his hand sliding down my arm. I felt goosebumps break out across my skin where he’d touched me. I shivered.

Fuck this.

I practically ran out of there.

If only that were where the humiliation ended. Oh no! Fucking stupid God of Mischief just couldn’t let it drop. He chased me all the way to my office. Okay, he didn’t chase me. He met me there. He was sitting behind my desk when I arrived there.

Now I was starting to get annoyed. I was jumpy and on edge. His words and actions had done nothing to put me at ease and I had no idea how to deal with it. I didn’t understand why he now apparently had no boundaries where I was concerned.

For real, what the fuck? He’d almost gone out of his way to criticize me and shoot me dirty looks over the last few months, but now he wanted to be all up in my business. What the actual fuck. I didn’t understand. Every other bully I’d ever dealt with was happy to just torment me when the opportunity arose.

Pain in my ass.

I opened my office door with a loud bang. “Can I help you?”

He had the nerve to smirk at me. I wasn’t smiling, though. Nor was I laughing. I didn’t see the humor in the situation. I crossed my arms and leaned against the door frame.

“Come on,” I said, suddenly tired of the entire ordeal. “I told you to just let it go.apology accepted. Is that what you wanted?”

I was so confused. And I kind of just wanted to have a good cry in the bathroom. And he was standing (okay, sitting) in the way of that.

“No, not really.” His smirk melted into a serious expression. “While I do want you to accept my apology, I want to explain why it is necessary.”

It was my turn to smirk. “Oh really? I think it’s pretty obvious. You’ve been a grade A asshole. That’s why your apology is necessary.”

He chuckled and my stomach clenched. “Yes, that is certainly true enough. But…” He stopped, his fave thoughtful. “Has anyone ever told you that you are quite beautiful?”

Okay. What. The. Fuck. If I was confused before, I was totally lost now. He was coming at me way out of left field now. And I couldn’t even find the words to answer him.

“No? You are, you know.” He just kept talking as if I wasn’t staring at him like he’s grown another head. “I’ve encountered a lot of beauty in my existence, but nothing any like yours. It’s a fair bit intimidating when you mix it with your intelligence and personality.”

“Is… Is there a point to this narrative?” I asked hesitantly. I was almost afraid for his answer.

“Yes, of course. It’s no excuse, of course, but I wasn’t… I didn’t know how to approach you. So I pushed you away instead. But…” His eyes drifted towards the window. “I was cruel and for that I am sorry. It wasn’t my intention.”

My throat was closing, emotion choking me. Oh my God. How does one react to such a confession? In my experience, with incredulousness.

“I… You seriously had Kindergarten syndrome?!”

Now he looked confused. Of course. Asgardian. I shook my head and pushed off the door frame. I sat down on the edge of the desk, facing away from him. I wasn’t sure I could cope with the intensity in his eyes at this close of range.

“It’s an expression that humans use to describe when boys pick on girls because they like them. It’s outdated and stupid.” I frowned before adding, “It’s also childish and immature.”

I jumped when I felt his hand touch my shoulder, gently turning me to look at him. Great. Now I was face to face with his bright eyes. And as much as I wanted to discredit his words, I could see the sincerity shining at me.

“I completely agree. My actions were childish and immature.”

I licked my suddenly dry lips and gripped the end of the desk. Gods, but he was the intimidating one. I wasn’t sure I could handle being the objection of all his attention.

“I simply don’t have a lot of experience with love,” he whispered softly.

Holy fuck. My mouth was dry. My brain was mush. I… I didn’t know what to say. Was he… I swallowed, willing my brain to start working again. Was he saying that he… Oh my God. I was having a hard time even thinking the words. Was he trying to tell me he loved me??

The shock must have been evident on my face. He stood up from the chair and came around the desk until he was standing in front of me. His hands came up to gently grasp my cheeks. And once again, his fucking eyes were devouring mine. I couldn’t get over how open they were. Believe me, they were almost pleading.

“I… You don’t expect me to fall into your arms, do you?” I asked stupidly. I… I had some emotional healing to do before I could realistically do anything of the sort.

His thumb feathered across my cheek and he smiled. “No, I do not. Nor do I expect a confession of love. You wouldn’t be you if you swooned and fell into my arms, as you put it. Right now, I am asking for a chance.”

I smiled, encircling his wrists with my hands. “That much, I think I can give you. Everyone deserves a second chance.”

His smile doubled and he leaned in. For one panicked moment, I thought he was going to kiss me. But he knew I wasn’t ready for that. Instead, his hands slid away from my face and he pulled me in for a tight hug. I wrapped my arms around him and returned the embrace.

A promise.

A chance… Yes, I could give him that.

[dyaz-stories]

Writing prompt: 180 InuKag

Oooh, that’s a nice one. So, Secret Relationship AU. Because I can.

180. “You have no idea what you do to me.”

IT’S NSFW BY THE WAY. I can’t tag it as such because if I do it won’t show up in the tags, so I’m letting you all know that I tag that stuff with “lemon”, in case you don’t want to see that content from me and want to block that, but yeah, warning for smut for the following one-shot!

@keichanz I don’t know if I feel bad for tagging you mostly in smut or if I’d feel worse for not tagging you in it lol

Inuyashawas sure that bitch had done it on purpose. Because he had cancelledtheir date the previous night last minute, she was making him paytoday. On some level, he could understand why Kagome was pissed. Ifshe’d done the same thing to him, andto work with, say, Koga, he would probably have lost it. So he reallyshouldn’t be surprised when appearances seemed to say he hadditched her for Kikyo.

Butit wasn’t like he had wantedto do it. Sure, Kagome was the newspaper’s rising star, but him andKikyo were still the most established journalists there. He had allsorts of contacts with thugs; she knew everyone in the force, andthey had been a team for years — and, well, morethanthat for a few months, until this messed up story about Naraku hadhit them like a ton of bricks. Since then, they did their best tosteer clear of each other.

Kagomeknewthat. She knewhe wouldn’t stay around Kikyo on purpose, and she knewhe’d been looking for this night just as much as she had. She knewhe missed her like crazy and she knewthat it killed him that they both worked so much because of howlittle time they got to spend together outside of work, where theyhad decided not to make their relationship known.

Right?

Still,right now, when she walked past Miroku’s desk, her high heels andshort, but still very professional, skirt giving him a great view onher legs, Inuyasha thought, once more, that she had done it onpurpose. As she leaned over Sango’s shoulder, letting the skirt gojust a little higher, not quite enough to actually see anything, butcertainly enough for Miroku to tilt his head, just in case, he had torepress the growl that was forming in his throat.

Consideringwhere they worked — with the worst gossips of the journalisticworld — and their status — him as a renowned journalist, her as anew asset to the newspaper —, they definitely didn’t want theirrelationship known, at least for now. But fuck,was she making it hard on him…

Shedidn’t stop by him when she walked back, and that was when he knewshe was truly mad. She liked his work, which she called“unconventional but interesting”, and she valued his opinion onher papers, particularly since, as a trained ex-priestess, she did alot of work around demons.

Inuyashadidn’t miss the glance Miroku and Sango exchanged when she walkedpast him without even deigning to glance at him. Yeah, they weretrying to keep their relationship on the down low, but it was easiersaid than done, considering they worked with the best journalists inthe whole fucking country. Still, going after her now would have madeit all way too obvious, though part of him, probably his instincts,did want to follow her around like a lost puppy until she forgavehim.

Hecleared his throat discreetly, focusing back on his computer. Tryingnot to think about that tight skirt that he would be able to oh soeasily lift back on her hips, or that white shirt that he could ripopen like nothing, or how those long legs would look around hiswaist, or what those bright red lips could—

Heclosed his laptop with what was practically a snarl and stormed outof the room, slamming the door behind him.

Everyonebut Miroku missed Kagome’s brief, but satisfied, smile.

Inuyashamanaged to grab her alone in a hallway when she was walked to get hercoffee at 11 a.m., as she always did.

Inthis case, he walked in front of her, blocking her path until shelooked up at him. She finally did so, shifting her weight on one footand crossing her arms in front of her, tapping her finger against herarm in an annoyed gesture.

“Weneed to talk,” he growled, fighting off the urge to whine.

“Oh,do we now?” she almost hissed, and his ears immediately pinnedthemselves against his skull. Shit. She wasangry. The whole silence game was one thing, but now he could feelhis stomach drop, and he somehow hated the feeling even more. The wayshe was dressed certainly didn’t help. Focusingwas pretty fucking hard right now. He wanted to touch her, now.

“Kagome—”

“Becausetalkingdidn’t seem to be on your mind last night,” she kept going, eyesnarrowing at him. “No, last night a quick text to cancel plans we’dhad for threeweekswas all you needed, hm?”

“Youknow that’s not—”

“It’sthe thirdtime, Inuyasha!” she protested, her voice coming out a little morethan she intended to and making him wince.

Heclosed his eyes, briefly. It was true, of course, but— But forfuck’s sake, she knew—

“Youknow I—”

Footsteps.There were definitely footsteps approaching. Fucking hell, he wasn’tfinished! There were so many things he wanted to say right now. Somany things that were going on in his head, so many things he wanted,neededher to know. He needed to think fast. He needed to—

“Kagome?”Hojo’s cheery voice called as he was approaching. “I thought I’djoin you for— Kagome?”

Butthe room was already empty when he stepped in.

Amuffled protest came from under Inuyasha’s hand, and when he didn’tmove it, Kagome had to very seriously fight that sudden urge to bitehim. It probably wouldn’t have hurt him, not with his thick skin,and it certainly wouldn’t have made any lasting damage, but maybeit would have made her feel better.

“Whatwere you thinking?”she hissed when he finally removed it, careful to keep her voice lowbecause she did notwant to have to explain to Hojo what her and Inuyasha were doinginside a broom cupboard.

Butalready, his mouth was on hers, warm and somewhat desperate, and shejust didn’t find it in herself to resist him, because God, she hadwanted this. From his warmth to the pressure of his body against herswhen he shifted himself between her legs, clearly hungry for more,for her.When he ran his hand on her thighs and started pushing up her skirtthough, she swatted them away and pulled back as much as she could inthe confined space, ignoring the nice shiver it sent down her spine.

“Ithought you wanted to talk,”she reminded him, ignoring his frustrated growl.

Heleaned over her, letting his elbow rest on the door, over her head.This was a show of dominance if she knew one, but she was notimpressed.

“Shit,Kagome, you knowI didn’t want that, right? You know I’d have much rather stayedwith you. Fuck, you have noideawhat you do to me.”

Well,he was wrong there. No only did she know, but right now it would havebeen pretty complicated for her to ignore it, considering how hard hewas against her. Mercilessly, she arched herself into him, enjoyinghis discreet groan at the contact.

“Maybeyou could show me, then,” she offered, her voice sounding sweet andinnocent — as if.

Herose an eyebrow. She’d changed pretty fucking fast, huh? In othercircumstances, maybe he’d have argued with that, hell, maybe he’dhave given her a taste of her own medicine and left her behind justlike that. Now though, he was feeling incredibly pent up, and she wasdriving him crazy, so he didn’t hesitate.

Hedove for her neck, sucking the skin and biting it softly, whileKagome pressed him closer, her hand coming down between them to touchhim through his jeans. Before she could do much of anything though,he continued lowering himself until he was kneeling between her legs,hands on both of her thighs. He saw the glimmer of excitation in hereyes when she understood what he was doing, and she let him slide herpanties down her legs while she pulled up her skirt.

Then,with that stupid grin he always had when he knew just how much shewas in his power, he moved forward, and holyshit,she had almost forgotten how good he was with his tongue. His clawsdug into her skin, though not hard enough to break the skin, butprobably enough to leave her mark, but she couldn’t think aboutthat. She couldn’t think about the way her legs were trembling withpleasure and how he was the only thing holding her together rightnow, she barely even thought about putting her hand against her mouthto stop the sounds from escaping when he found her clit and startedteasing it lightly and oh,the marvels his fangs could do when he was justthere…

“Inuyasha,”she breathed out when he gave her a few seconds of respite, “I needyou.”

Hedidn’t listen immediately, enjoying the way a small moan escapedher despite her best efforts when he leaned in again, this time tokiss the top of her inner thigh, knowing just how sensitive her skinwas there.

“Inuyasha,”she called out again, pulling on his shoulder, and this time, hefollowed, because he was fucking going to lose it if he waited anylonger.

Thesecond he was standing in front of her, she unbuttoned his pants andpushed his boxers down, wrapping her hand around his throbbingerection. He hissed out her name at the contact — shit, if she didthat, or just anythingright now, he was going to come right here and now in her hand. Sheseemed to realize that though, and she let go of him, interruptingherself to reach for a condom which he kept in his jeans pocket andthen deftly take it out of its wrapper.

Sheunrolled it on him, though her hands were practically trembling withimpatience, and then got herself back up. She leaned against thedoor, offering him a nice view of her while she opened the firstbuttons of her shirt.

“Isthatwhat I do to you?” she teased, running her fingers on her own skinwhile his eyes darkened with lust at the show she was giving him.

Hishands grabbed her hips, and she bit back a laugh when he pulled heragainst him, grabbing her ass to lift her easily. Immediately, shewrapped her legs around him, losing her shoes in the process. Theyboth froze at the sound it made, something that could definitely beconsidered an accomplishment considering the state they were in, butno one outside seemed to notice, allowing them to resume to theiractivities.

Kagomebit her lip harshly when he pushed himself inside her, but even thenshe couldn’t silence the groan of pleasure coming out of herthroat.

“I’vebeen thinking about that ever since I saw you in that skirt,”Inuyasha growled, his voice hoarse and his breathing quick.

“Whyd’you think I put it on?” she replied, and then one of her handswent to his ears while her lips found his neck, and this was when,finally, Inuyasha lost it. His ears, particularly in times ofintimate relationships, were one of the most sensitive parts of hisbody, something Kagome had noticed — and exploited — since veryearly in their relationship.

Hecould barely think as he thrusted into her, his own skin muffling herreactions while his low groans disappeared in her neck.

“OhGod,”she panted, hooking her heel in his back, trying to find anysort of leverage to meet his thrusts, “oh, please.”

“Thatconvincin’ enough for ya?” he mumbled, slowing his pace just alittle to make the torture last.

Shetweaked his ear between her fingers, and his knees buckled under him,almost sending them both on the floor. “Hurry,” she whispered,“and if you’re good,I’ll make it up to you later at my place.”

Whatsort of men was he to resist that?He picked up the pace yet again and this time she let herself gocompletely, abandoning herself to him, both of her hands resting onhis shoulders to hold herself steady while she shifted to get as muchpleasure from the friction as she could, back arched, head thrownback.

Shecame with a final moan that she only barely managed to hide, and itwas her final clenching around him as she rode the orgasm that senthim over the edge.

Fora few moments, they didn’t say anything, both listening for whatwas going on around them, finally realizing where they were and whatthey’d just done. He let go of her, pulling out slowly, and shequickly rearranged herself, slipping her feet back into her shoes.

“Yousmell anyone out there?”

Thatwas a pretty hard question, considering what had just happened here,which was almost all he could smell, but he ended up shaking hishead. He was almost positive that there was no one in the room, andthat’s what they’d have to go with.

“Okay,I’ll get out, and then you come out in… Let’s say, ten minutes,okay?”

“Actually,I need to go, I’m meeting with a guy for the story I was working onlast night. I’ll be back to the office in a few hours.”

“Alright,”she nodded. “Just take care of yourself, okay?” Then, she grinnedsuggestively. “That way I can takecare of youlater tonight, if that works for you.”

Heswallowed with some difficulty. Fuck yeah. This time, he’d makeitwork.

“Sure.”

Onemove, and then she was gone, leaving behind her the intoxicatingsmell of the relationship they’d just had.

Hedidn’t think she had any idea of what she actuallydid to him. With her, there was so much more than just the sexuallevel, so much more that he saw in her. Hope. Acceptance. A future,if she would let him. One day, he hoped he could make her understandall of that. In the meantime, well, this was as good a way of showingher as anything, and honestly, if this was her getting jealous ofKikyo, he thought he could live with that.

“’mback,” Inuyasha growled when he stepped back into the office aftera long and tedious afternoon of looking after leads that mostly wentnowhere.

Itwas pretty late, and most people had already left the office. He felta weird pang in his chest when he noticed Kagome’s absence. Was hereally missing her that easily now? As for Miroku, Sango and Kikyo,they barely acknowledged him.

Thatwas, until, when he had taken off his coat and already startedworking on his computer again, Miroku let out an impressed whistle.

“WellI didn’t know you had that in you, Inuyasha,” he commented.

“Havewhat?” he scowled, not even bothering to look up at him.

“Ohthat’s really classy, Inuyasha,” Kikyo joined coldly, and hecould swear he heard a hint of… What was that? Bitterness?Resentment?

Thatmade him react. What on earthwere they talking about?

Fortunatelyfor him, Sango had already walked over to him, and she handed him asmall, round mirror, which he took, more than confused.

Atfirst, he didn’t notice anything, but after tilting it, he let outan exclamation of disbelief. There, on his neck, there was a fuckingobvious hickey, that his jacket’s collar had probably hidden upuntil then.

“Sowho are they, Inuyasha?” Miroku asked.

Inuyashaignored him. She had to have done then when— Well, shit.And here he thought dog demons were bad when it came to marking theirterritory.

Onthe one hand, he felt strangely proud. His instincts were claiming tohim that this meant he was hers,and he kinda liked the feeling. It did make him want to reciprocatethough. He doubted she’d ever let him in such an obvious place, butthen he could always try.

Onthe other hand, he sure hoped she’d planned something grandto make it up for him tonight. But something was telling him that hewouldn’t be disappointed…

Ineed to stop making them have sex in semi-public locations. Also, didKagome used her spiritual powers to leave a somewhat lasting hickeyon Inuyasha? Well it looks like it, doesn’t it?

Alsodear @eternalnight8806-3, I saw you weren’t doing well and I hope you enjoyedthis. You’re such a wonderful part of this fandom and it alwaysbrightens my day to see you on my dash, so I truly hope you’ll feel better

[daisyxbuckley]

Only Human//Mitch Rapp Series

A/N: Yall this one is long as shit. Holy god lol. Its like 3k+ so I apologize. ANYWAYS, I wanted to do some kind of fluff before we got all serious and shit. There’s some angst if you squint, but other than that I’m pretty proud. Also the song I used is Certain Things by James Arthur. 

Description: Ophelia Lane has a past that most CIA operatives would hate to have. The 25 year old is sent back to The Barn to help Stan train the new batch of recruits, including one that is hell bent on getting revenge. Can she keep it together or will a secret that is hidden under the surface come back and haunt her? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been about three weeks since Mitch arrived at the Barn and Ophelia barely spoke to him. She realized that he was a man of few words, and though she could carry on a conversation, holding one with him wasn’t at the top of her list. Unless they were training or in class they avoided each other. Their training sessions had been brutal, and Ophelia knew that Mitch was good but she was better. 

Slamming his back on the mat, Ophelia pressed on his jugular till she felt the tap and released standing up. “You need to stop lunging in.” She said walking over to her water bottle leaving him on the floor staring at her. 

“I don’t lung at you.” He said standing up. “It’s just impossible to catch you off guard.” Mitch grumbled as he took a drink of his own water. Ophelia shrugged and tilted her hair back to get another drink when all of a sudden her legs were swept out from under her. Before she realized what was happening, Mitch was standing over her with her hands above her head and his thighs holding her legs down. Glaring up at him O tried to move but realized that he had a lot more strength than she gave him credit for. “Got you.” Mitch said with an irritating smirk on his face. 

Ophelia could feel the weight of his thighs carefully applying pressure to her legs and tried to ignore the fact that his one hand was pinning both her wrists down. Mitch stared down at her with hard eyes trying to ignore how being this close to her was making him feel. Her tank top had ridden up her stomach a bit so he could see how low on her hips her leggings were and how smooth and tan her skin was. Ophelia sighed in defeat when he finally let her up and sat back balancing up on the heels of his feet. The brunette lifted herself up on her elbows and looked at the man. 

“You didn’t win. You literally caught me off guard.” She said huffing. Mitch had gotten up and was wiping the sweat off his face as Ophelia pretended to not notice how his t-shirt stuck to his skin defining his muscles and how his workout shorts didn’t define his many ...assets. Sighing she stood up and walked over to where he was standing, taking his water bottle from his hands. Shrugging she took a drink and handed it back. “Well you just spilled mine so I took yours.” 

Mitch just stared at her while she gathered up all her stuff and started heading towards the bedrooms. “I’d shower if I were you. You kind of stink.” She said before she walked out. Mitch kept his eyes on her till she rounded the corner then turned away shaking his head a bit. Ophelia was a lot like him, and it honestly made Mitch understand why people hated working with him. Grabbing his bag he followed Ophelia towards the shower, nodding to some of the other guys that passed by. 

“Mitch, hey.” Conners said running up to the shaggy haired man. “I need your help with a move that you did in training today. I want to learn it.” Mitch nodded as he followed Conners back to the training room taking one last look at the bathroom at the end of the hall. Mitch and Conners stayed in the training room for another two hours before they both decided they had enough. Clapping him on the back Conners walked out leaving Mitch alone with his thoughts. 

Turning the shower off, the man stepped out of the stall and wrapped a towel around his waist. When he walked by Ophelia’s room earlier he had noticed the light was off and figured she was asleep. Getting dressed, he walked out of the bathroom and headed to his room quietly closing the door. Going to his desk Mitch booted up the laptop and looked out into the black night as he surveyed the grounds. He was about to turn away when he noticed a figure in all black running across the yard towards the woods. He almost missed the brunette hair that was swept up into the hood of the jacket and he realized that it was Ophelia. Throwing a sweatshirt on, he quickly ran out of his room and down the hall towards the front door. She was fast and knew these woods better than him, but he wondered what she was up to. 

Mitch was silent as he followed her trail through the woods that let to a clearing. The grass was cut and if you laid down you would be able to see the wide expanse of stars that were above. Noticing a figure lying on the ground, Mitch crept closer and just watched Ophelia. Her hair was out of her ponytail and was laid out like a halo around her head. Her eyes were closed as she quietly sang to the music that was playing in her ears. Mitch started forward trying to get her to notice him as he crept up, afraid of scaring her. 

“I know you’re there.” She said finally. “I noticed you following me after I entered the woods.” The girl sat up and took a headphone out of her ear as she looked at the man. They stared each other down for a minute before Mitch took a seat in front of her and crossed his legs. Ophelia continued staring at him, refusing to break eye contact before he did. 

“Why are you out here?” He asked. 

“I needed to think.” Was all O said as she put the music back in and laid down looking up. Mitch sighed and moved next to her trying to keep a good distance. Ophelia took an ear bud out of her ear and handed it to him without looking over and Mitch. He took it from her and put it in listening to the song that was playing in his ear. 

“Something about you 

It’s like an addiction hit me 

With your best shot honey.” 

Mitch looked over at Ophelia as she laid next to him with her eyes closed. She moved her lips along to the music and he couldn’t help but focus on the way her tongue swept over her bottom one. How her hand tapped a beat on her stomach, her other hand behind her head. In that moment she didn’t have a hard look on her face, or a sarcastic look that he had grown to know. She looked more like that girl in the picture that he saw. 

“I’ve got no reason to doubt you

Cause some things hurt 

And you’re my only virtue 

And I’m virtually yours” 

“You’re staring Rapp.” Ophelia’s voice was like music to him in a sense. It didn’t cut through the silence in a bad way but it made him look up from her lips to her now open eyes. She didn’t have the hard look behind them for once and Mitch was wondering if she was actually starting to open up. 

“You said you come out here to think?” He asked her. “What do you think about?” The brunette turned her head back so she was facing the sky. “Trust me when I say Rapp, you don’t want to know what goes on inside my head.” He scoffed at her as she sat up, the music was still playing in his ear as the other earbud fell from hers. 

“I’m serious. You ever wonder why I keep to myself..why I'm up here? I’m pretty sure by now you know that I'm not just another trainee.” Mitch nodded to her to show that he wanted her to continue. “I’ve been out of the field for a bit, that’s what happens when you survive a bombing but lose a spouse.” Ophelia picked at her sleeve, hating how she was feeling right now. Vulnerable and exposed was not a good look on her. “When I lost Ronnie...I didn’t know how I was going to go on. I refused to accept another partner, another mission, basically iced everyone out. I sat behind a desk for a year because I didn’t want to lose anyone else.” Sitting up a little straighter, she rubbed her eyes. “Then I just became angry. I ended up going out on a mission a few months ago...and I lost it. It would have ended very badly if I didn’t have the backup I had. That's when Stan and Irene realized that I would be better off here...training the new kids till I was okay enough.” 

“Then I came along.” 

“Then you came along.” Ophelia said with a ghost of a smile on her lips. “You know, I’ve known about you since day one. The second you popped up on the C.I.A’s radar I knew. I didn’t know your face or your name..but I knew who you were. And when Irene wanted to train you I thought she was crazy.” 

“You and Stan both apparently” Mitch huffed out looking down. Ophelia reached her hand out to his and squeezed it. 

“You’re good Mitch. And I know that you’ve been through a lot of shit in your life that you shouldn’t have ever gone through. But if you want to do this...then you need to channel that rage and anger into something that will help you. Because if you don’t then it’s going to get you killed.” Ophelia whispered. She knew it was tough, she wanted revenge so bad with Ronnie died that she would of killed anyone to get it...and that mistake almost cost her. 

Before Mitch could say anything, Ophelia’s ringtone cut through the silence like a knife. He pulled the ear bud out of his ear as she unplugged it and answered. 

“This is Lane.” She said quickly. Looking at Mitch she stood up and motioned for him to follow her. “I’m in the clearing...right now?” She asked with a confused look on her face. “Stan its almost 1 in the morning…..no sir ...yes sir ...yeah i’ll grab him.” She said as she hung up. “Apparently Stan needs, and I quote, ‘our asses in his fucking office in ten minutes or hes going to gut us with a spoon.’” 

Mitch shook his head as he handed Ophelia her head phones back and they started towards the house. 

********************************

What the two weren't expecting was Irene sitting in Stan’s office like she was expecting them. Raising an eyebrow at the fact that they both looked like they just came from outside. Ophelia noticed the look and thank god that she decided to ignore it. They both sat down in the two available chairs in the office and looked at each other before looking at Stan. 

“4 hours ago, 15 kilos of weapons grade plutonium was stolen from a defunct research facility.” Stan said with no greeting. O noticed Mitch tense up and lean forward. “Right now all we know is that with that much plutonium it's going to cause something high on the disaster scale.” 

“So basically the next 9/11.” Ophelia stated as she crossed her legs. “So what are we doing about it?” She asked noticing the look on Stan’s face. 

“We are going in. All we know right now is that someone named Ghost has taken control of it.” Stan shot a look at Irene that Ophelia didn’t miss but he continued. “He killed the suppliers and went underground. We don’t know exactly what his plan is with it but we need to stop it.” 

Mitch stood up immediately and everyone looked over at him. “Let’s go.” He said gruffly. This was a look that Ophelia didn’t recognize at all. 

“We are securing a jet to take us to Istanbul. Go get some sleep, we will tell you when it’s time to go.” Irene said remaining calm. Mitch looked at them all like they were crazy. 

“Are you serious? This guy has enough plutonium to take out an entire city and we are playing the waiting game?” He yelled. Ophelia actually jumped a bit at his voice and shot a look at Stan. “You guys wanna wait here and twiddle your thumbs while he what, goes and kills more innocent people?”

“Look here shit stain. No one wants to catch this guy more than us, but unlike you and your reckless ass we have to go through the proper channels. I want to do this right since both Ophelia and I will be out there with you and I really don’t want to have to worry about you killing us.” Stan yelled standing up and matching Mitch. “Now get the fuck out of my office. Both of you.” He didn’t relax till both Ophelia and Mitch were gone and the door was closed. 

“Stan..we really need to tell her.” Irene said quietly. Stan sat down and shook his head rubbing his eyes. 

“We will tell her when it’s time. I don’t need her getting distracted.’

**************************

Ophelia refused to go to bed, instead opting to sit in the kitchen and read over what Irene had left her before the Director headed out. It wasn’t much as this guy literally lived up to his alias. Taking another sip of her coffee, she noticed that Stan had walked in. “O in my office, now.” Was all he said before he turned around and walked away. Sighing she got up and followed him in noticing a laptop on his side table. Mitch joined them a few seconds later and looked at Ophelia with a confused look who just shrugged and leaned against the desk. 

“You wanted to see me sir?” Mitch asked as Stan stood up from the laptop that he opened and walked over. 

“Yeah. Shut the door.” Was all he said and Ophelia could feel the bad feeling in her stomach returning. Mitch shut the door and came into the room further. “So all of us are shipping out soon. We got the jet secured but there’s one more thing we need to go over.” He said as he gestured for Mitch to sit in the chair that faced the window. Mitch sat and Stan walked over and sat across from him. Ophelia was almost afraid to move because of what might be going on. 

“You like movies?” Stan asked leaning back. 

“Yeah.” Mitch said shrugging. O pushed off the desk and hesitantly walked over to see what Stan was planning. 

She tried to hide the audible gasp that left her mouth when Stan turned the computer that had a video playing on it. Ophelia could hear Mitch’s voice on the video sounding a lot different then how it was now. A beautiful blonde woman in a white bikini had a giant smile on her face as she looked into the camera, moving forward. 

Rage. That was all Mitch felt. Rage that he had tried to push down started to bubble up to the surface. All he saw was Katrina’s face..how she looked only ten minutes before she died. Her smile, her laugh, everything about her started rushing back from the box that he kept it locked in for so long. “What the fuck is this?” He yelled standing up. 

“Yeah..I thought so.” Was all Stan said as he stood up as well with a smug look on his face. Ophelia looked at him with a look that she didn’t recognize. He had used some pretty bad tactics before but this was new. 

“You thought so?” Mitch repeated to him. His voice was laced with anger and rage. 

“Yeah. Want me to turn it off.” Stan said. The video was still playing in the background and Ophelia could feel her heart breaking for Mitch as he was clearly trying to keep his composure and not look at the video. 

“Stan...turn it off.” She said quietly moving forward. She reached out to close the laptop but he smacked her hand away. 

“Turn that shit off.” Mitch growled out trying not to let his voice crack. 

“Am I supposed to feel sorry for you? I don’t.” Stan said. Ophelia saw the loon on Mitch’s face a split second before he moved and also saw Stan grab the computer cord. Mitch lunged across the table at Stan as the older man wrapped the cord around his neck and pulled him to the ground. 

“Stan!” Ophelia yelled as she could hear Mitch struggling to breath. “Stan let him go!” 

“Never, EVER let it get personal. You understand?” Stan said evenly before letting Mitch go. The younger man dropped to the floor with a thud. Ophelia ran over as Stan started to walk away, kneeling down to help him up. 

“Get the fuck off me O.” Mitch said, his voice raspier than usual as he quickly stood up and glared at Stan. 

“We leave 8 am. Be here.” He spat out at Mitch. “I’ll be here at 7:30.” Mitch said stalking out of the room. 

“What the fuck was that Dad.” Ophelia spun around as she heard the door shut. She never called Stan anything except sir and his first name. She knew how dangerous it was if anyone found out she was his daughter but she figured alone in his office, it didn’t matter. 

“The kid needed to learn.” Was all Stan said as he sat down at his desk. Ophelia came over and slammed her hands down in front of him.

“So then throw him in the woods for three days, deny him meals. I don’t care...that was heartless. Even for you.” The girl was mad. Madder at him than she had ever been. “You know I expected a lot of things out of you...but using his dead fiance as a way to make him focus is the lowest you have ever gone.” She said turning on her heel and heading out the door. 

@cxddlyash @xceafh

[lunar-writings-love]

College!AU - Seonghwa (ateez)

I’ll be doing a college!au series of every ateez member and I thought I’d start off with Seonghwa because ,, yes 

Author’s note: it’s a bullet fic 

warnings: SUPER SOFT HOURS and also cussing i guess?

~~~~~~

Seonghwa: 

okay so ,, seonghwa i love him but that’s beside the point 

seonghwa’s majoring in biology

he’s a third year so he’ll be declaring his major soon and he’s thinking about narrowing his field of study a bit 

he doesn’t know to what exactly yet (anything but molecular biology 

he just ,, can’t with molecular biology that shit’s wack) 

seonghwa’s also minoring in nutrition

which makes sense,,,

i mean the boy carries around those organic, all natural, fun-free snacks; expecting for the members to eat them, not understanding WHY they all run away screaming when he pulls out his kale chips with non-dairy cheese

he’s super into fitness and keeping his own body healthy, so he’s always trying new recipes, keeping watch of his calorie and sugar intake,

he tried the keto diet, but then realized it did virtually nothing for him so now he just chose to increase his protein intake and work out more in the hopes of developing muscle (he can’t have jongho bullying him forever)

he regularly works out too and doesn’t understand why there always seems to be so many people taking breaks at the water-fountains near the treadmills where he runs whenever he works out 

at the university he shares his dorm room with hongjoong 

they bicker a lot and since seonghwa is always cleaning and cooking for the other boys, he’s earned himself the nickname mom

he doesn’t like it, but oh well

anything for his babies

seonghwa is also involved in a lot of different activities: he’s part of the school’s hip-hop dance team, is the treasurer for the university’s speech and debate club, etc.

he always takes part in the annual dorm cook-off (he never wins because he doesn’t understand that college kids want greasy food, not his fucking zucchini noodles zoodles)

he also show’s up to every member’s event/recital/performance etc. and cheers louder than any other person for his boys 

“YES THAT’S MY FRIEND DO YOU SEE HIM! GO JONGHO!”

jongho: oh my god, stop it mom

now, you were close friends with some of the other first years at the university 

you and jongho were neighbors growing up and when you found out the two of you would be going to the same uni you were ecstatic!

so naturally, since jongho was your closest friend in college, he often invited you to hang out with his other friends 

you had met seonghwa a couple of times before and found him to be absolutely drop-dead gorgeous 

you may have even developed a small crush on him after he offered to walk you to your dorm one night after hanging out with the boys but oh well you would never dare to say that out loud 

he was so nice, and strong, and hot, and nice, and funny, and kind, and nice, and you were ,,,, hopeless

but you figured an amazing and wonderful guy like him would never go for an awkward first year like you, so you just bottled those feelings up and shelved it 

you were a linguistics major, focusing on social linguistics 

you could rave for hours and hours about phonetics or the development of language

once the boys invited you and jongho over for late night snacks and after asking you about your major you went on a 13 minute spiel on the development of romantic languages and while the boys all started to ignore you after the first 2 minutes, seonghwa listened and thought it was cute 

so yeah ,,, you were so, so smart 

but when it came to anything science related , you were lost 

STEM subjects were really not your forte

you barely scraped through calculus and chemistry throughout high school, but biology, holy shit where do you even begin on that 

you couldn’t memorize cell functions or neuron transmitters to save your life and as your professor delved deeper and deeper into cellular biology, your grade sunk deeper and deeper 

you were desperate 

you pulled all-nighters at the library just to barely get passing grades on tests

you were getting seriously stressed and anxious, your mental health plummeting as the year progressed 

jongho found you for the hundredth time at the university library at four in the morning attempting to memorize evolutionary pathways  

he would never say it out loud because he’S a MaN, but he was worried about you and your mental health 

he coaxed you back into your room, and instantly had an idea 

whY NoT HavE SeoNgHwA tEacH YoU bIoloGy :O !!

when he told you a few hours later you screeched 

no

no way 

seonghwa must already think you’re weird, but stupid on top of that ??

no, sorry but not even you deserved that type of embarrassment 

jongho ignored you though and the very next day you were in seonghwa’s dorm room sitting near his desk as he opened up your biology book 

you wanted to die 

if possible, you wanted the ground to swallow you up whole and spit you out again years later as a successful and well-known linguist

please lord this is unfair the love of your life seonghwa teaching you biology was not okay please send you back to your dorm please please 

alas, life was never kind to you 

“so what are you struggling with?”

“everything”

“oh”

seonghwa was so patient with you though 

he meticulously went through the textbook and really made sure you understood the subjects before moving onto the next one 

you don’t even know how, but he made learning about macromolecules sexy mmmm

you were finally beginning to understand biology 

this arrangement had been going on for a few weeks now and your midterm for the class was soon approaching  

you were scared shitless 

yes, seonghwa was helping you, and yes, you were doing better on your tests and projects, but a midterm grade meant a lot and you could not afford to have to retake this class or have your final grade depend on the final test 

you were s t r e s s e d

and seonghwa caught on pretty quickly 

you had dark circles under your eyes 

you lost some weight 

you had breakdowns every day and seonghwa’s heart ached everytime he saw you like that 

he promised you he’d help you get a B on your midterm 

you didn’t think it’d be possible, but he swore on it and he was cute so you just went along with it 

the last chapter that would be covered on the midterm was ,, you guessed it ,,, molecular biology :’))))

it’s not that seonghwa was bad at the subject, he actually found genomics super interesting 

it’s just, it was way too much information to handle and trying to memorize all of that was a pain in the ass 

but when you guys had your next study session, seonghwa brushed up on his dna forensics and sat you right down

he was going to make you understand 

to be honest, as he explained chromosomes, gene therapy, and the likes to you ,,, you were lost as fuck 

what in the shit was cell division 

but you put up with it and paid close attention ,, your grade depended on you to understand this mess 

you guys had two weeks until your test, and after one week of teaching you molecular biology, that left you and seonghwa a week for you to review 

your review for the test took place at his dorm in case you had any questions and had to ask him anything

he’d go to the kitchen hall and make you some healthy snacks to get your brain juice flowing as you sat on his bed reviewing meiosis and dna replication 

to be honest, over the past couple of months seonghwa had been teaching you biology, you guys grew super close 

you were constantly over at his dorm

you two were always talking to each other 

when you and the boys met up, instead of sitting next to jongho you gradually moved to sit next to seonghwa much to hongjoong and jongho’s disapproval 

they missed their best friends :(((

but all the boys thought you two were super cute and watched from at the sidelines as your guys’ romance progressed  

if possible, these months with seonghwa made you fall even more for him 

it got way past of just being a crush, you were pretty sure you loved him 

you even grew to enjoy his weird avocado brownies and zoodles, and if that isn’t true love then i don’t know what is

it finally got around to being the day before your test and you were a n x i o u s as fuck 

even seonghwa was nervous for you ,, the week prior he had been talking hongjoong’s ear off about you and this damn test 

hongjoong couldn’t handle it anymore for the love of God someone please get these two together just make-out or something he didn’t want to hear about you anymore

you were at your dorm studying polymers, when you heard a knock at your door 

it was seonghwa gasp who would’ve known :)))

in his hand was take-out 

“sorry i’m a fake health fanatic i eat hella junk food when i’m nervous so i brought us burgers and fries and milkshakes and let me inside your dorm i need to sit down this is so nerve wracking”

you couldn’t help but laugh as you moved out of the way to let him inside 

“thanks seonghwa”

you two ate your burgers in silence before it got too awkward and you tried to make things better 

“i’m studying polymers right now, it’s not as bad as i thought it would be”

“See!! i’m glad you’re understanding biology. it’s a really cool subject when you understand the mechanics behind it”

“i guess so”

he stayed at your dorm room a few more hours reviewing subjects with you 

before you knew it, it was 10 at night and it was past seonghwa’s bed time (hA oLd man)

he told you to quickly take a shower and go to bed because you had to be well rested for your test tomorrow 

you agreed 

it was silent for a while, an unfamiliar awkward tension filled the air before seonghwa hugged you “byegoodlucktomorrowtextmewhenyou’redoneyou’lldogreatbye”

he then zoomed out your room 

you were a blushing mess as you closed your dorm room and got your bathroom supplies ready 

fuck you were in love with park seonghwa

the next morning, you took your midterm and were surprised that you actually knew what the fuck was going on 

dna replication? check 

evolutionary pathways? check 

lipids and cell functions? check 

oH mY gOD yOU UNDERSTOOD BIOLOGY !!1

you handed in your midterm and walked outside the lecture hall, you felt good about the test but you would only know your grade a week later 

as you left the hall someone grabbed onto your shoulders 

it was seonghwa

“WELL HOW DID IT GO?”

“I UNDERSTOOD EVERYTHING ON THE TEST, I MEAN I CAN’T GUARANTEE ANYTHING BUT AT LEAST I KNEW WHAT THE QUESTIONS WERE ASKING”

he hugged you super hard and you two excitedly talked about the midterm 

he even took you out to ice cream to treat you 

“shouldn’t I be treating you for helping me so much?”

“hush and just let it happen”

“okay mOm”

it was at times like these you really, really wanted to kiss him 

but alas, he wasn’t yours to kiss 

and it was also at times like these, seonghwa really, really wanted to kiss you 

so the moral of the story is that both of you were idiots

a week later, it was time for the boys’ weekly friday night movie time and you were running a bit late 

they were all gathered in hongjoong and seonghwa’s room since it was the biggest (ahh the perks of being upperclassmen) when suddenly you opened the door and hurled in, your eyes wide and crazed

“SEONGHWA I GOT AN A ON MY MIDTERM”

“WHAT OH MY GOD REALLY?!?”

he ran over to you and picked you up spinning you around as you both laughed in disbelief 

you don’t know how you pulled that off you were a dumbass how did you get an A on your biology midterm??

then as soon as he put you down and you looked up at him, bam he kissed you 

you were :OOO

jongho was :OOO

all the boys were :OOO

except for hongjoong who was like ;)))

and then as soon as y’all were done, seonghwa realized what he did 

and in front of the Kids TOO 

“oh shit i’m so sorry i don’t know why i did th-”

you cut him off with another kiss uwu

all the boys cheered and catcalled you guys 

you guys were both blushing but you didn’t care because 

1) you and park seonghwa kissed

2) you got an a on your biology midterm

you guys held hands and did cute shit as you sat down next to seonghwa to watched the horror movie jongho picked for this week 

wooyoung was shitting his pants 

as the movie played on tho, jongho slowly looked backwards towards seonghwa and said 

“seonghwa i don’t care if you’re older than me if you break y/n’s heart i swear to Jesus i’ll castrate you”

and seonghwa believed him ashjgjasha have you seen that boy’s arms ??!

seonghwa assured jongho that he would never do that to you

things lightened up again and jongho smugly said you guys should treat him to dinner since he was the mastermind behind your love 

you flipped him off

anyways, that’s the story of how you and seonghwa became the university’s cutest couple 

the cute linguistics major and the hot biology major 

you guys had cute food dates, and you even agreed to go to the gym with seonghwa

surprisingly, people stopped coming to the water fountain a few days after you started working out with him

you scared them off after telling them to stop ogling at your boyfriend HA 

seonghwa also finally decided he wanted to major specifically in cellular biology

and you supported him all the way 

you mans was going places, doing things, getting his deGrEE

then one night as you two were up as you ranted about the social impacts of language and the human conditioning of language to seonghwa he pulled you closer and kissed you because honestly he loved hearing you talk about linguistics but he couldn’t handle it anymore please it’s 3 in the morning 

you cuddled into him 

he was almost dozing off when suddenly you spoke up from the crook of his neck 

“seonghwa?”

“hmm?”

“my biology final is in three weeks”

at that moment, he was alert and awake again 

all he did was sigh as he kissed the top of your head

here you guys went again 

~~~~

HOLY SHIT THIS WAS SO LONG AND IT TOOK ME FOREVER BUT I REALLY HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOYED THIS. LISTEN SOFT AND DOMESTIC COLLEGE STUDENT PARK SEONGHWA MAKES ME REALLY SOFT AND I JUST WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW THAT. 

REQUESTS ARE OPEN SO FEEL FREE TO SEND IN YOUR REQUESTS!

i think the next member i’ll write about is Hongjoong so wait for that because it’ll be out soon!

thanks and love you guys!

- luna 

[buckyownsmylife]

Holy Ground - Chapter 4

The one where Andy seems to have lost everything, but he’s not ready to give up.

A terrible car accident ruins Andy Barber’s idea of a perfect life. But if the love’s still there, why wouldn’t he retrace the steps that led him to his happy ending? After all, the best love stories were made to be written more than just once.

for general warnings and author’s notes, please go to the fic’s masterlist and if you’d like to be tagged on my following Chris Evans and characters stories, just fill out this form.

A month had passed and the dates continued. I’d take her to a small restaurant, we’d share wine and stories I already knew all about, before I had to take her back to the hospital and sleep by myself yet again.

She was making progress, they’d tell me. She was starting to remember things about her past, what happened to her parents, knowledge she had gained whilst in college. Even the name of some of her favorite students. 

Nothing about me. Well, nothing of substance, anyway. Nothing that would make her realize we’ve been through all of this before, all of the first dates, first touches and kisses… So we kept on reliving it, and I kept hoping it would help her remember.

A month had passed and the doctors finally decided she could go home with me. We introduced her to the idea through a nice nurse that had become sort of a friend to her ever since she woke up. 

From what I heard, she asked my wife if she’d like to spend the night with me after one of those dates we kept having, and after a fit of giggles, she admitted that she did. And so that night, when I picked her up, I knew there was the possibility that I might not be sleeping alone tonight.

I couldn’t really focus on that thought. I didn’t want to create expectations only to be left feeling empty and alone when I got back to that large, cold bed. And so I focused on her, on how happy she seemed to be, spending time with me.

I took her dancing that night, and it’d been so long since I’d seen her look so ecstatic. She’d always loved to dance, and I loved any excuse to have her body tightly pressed against mine. But even when I had to step away to get us drinks, she kept her body slowly moving to the beat of the song, smiling with her whole face when her eyes met mine.

I never wanted her to stop dancing. But when she looked up at me from under her eyelashes, gaze so uncharacteristically shy, I couldn’t stop myself from licking my lips at her quiet invite.

“Do you want to take me home?” She couldn’t understand the impact those words had on me. Home. She wanted me to take her home. We couldn’t arrive there fast enough. I watched with intense gaze as she stepped foot in the house we’d decorated together, taking notice of the way her eyes looked at the details, the paintings she had chosen, the colors of the wall we had painted together. 

I’d fucked her right on the floor of this living room more times that I could count.

“Do you like it?” I asked, and she nodded somewhat timidly, like she didn’t think she fit there somehow. The thought concerned me almost as much as it infuriated me. “Do you want a glass of wine?”

When she shook her head, I smiled patiently at her, waiting for her smaller frame to approach me so I could cradle her face between my hands. “Do you want to go upstairs?” This time she nodded, even though my question was barely over a whisper. We were close enough for her to understand it.

I kissed her then, eager to touch her, to taste her lips and caress her body. I absentmindedly thanked myself for the fit of rage that had me breaking all of the picture frames inside the house weeks ago. That moment of vulnerability stopped me from freaking her out tonight.

She hid her face in the crook of my neck as I carried us upstairs, just like she always did whenever we were going to bed - both to sleep and not at all. And then, after I’d put her down on the floor and reached for the edge of her dress, she stopped my movement with a gentle hold on my wrist.

“I-I’ve never done this before.” And it hurt. It hurt because she had, I’d been the one to take her virginity a few years ago. The memories from that time flashed before my eyes as I looked at the face of the woman I loved and saw another version of her, one that I’d yet to uncover. “But I really want to do this with you.”

Her words brought some comfort to my desperation. I leaned down to cover her lips with mine again, allowing my hands to roam all over her body and in seconds, her dress was on the floor.

“You’re so beautiful, darling.” She looked flushed, but if from the compliment, my heated gaze or her own desire, I couldn’t tell. And in that moment, I was taken by the realization that it didn’t matter.

It didn’t matter that she couldn’t remember. It didn’t matter because it happened, and she was mine. She was mine back then and she was mine now. She had chosen to be with me right now, and I was gonna make the most out of this experience.

“Spread your legs for me, baby,” I asked when she was completely naked and sprawled out on the bed before me. I was down to my pants too, and I got rid of those before I got down to my knees, desperate to have her taste on my lips again.

“Andy, that feels so good.” Shivers went down my spine at the feeling of her nails raking over my scalp before she managed to get a grip over my hair, pulling on it whenever I twirled my tongue around her clit.

“I’ll alway make you feel good, sweetheart.” My cock pulsed inside my boxers, and still all I wanted to do was lick her up, drown myself in her taste. I’d spent too long without her wetness, I needed to get it imprinted on my lips again.

She cried out when I filled her with two of my fingers, and I remembered she thought this was her first time. “You like this, darling?” After she nodded, I pressed on, “Does it hurt?” She shook her head, clearly unable to speak, and so I got back to the apex of her thighs, licking and sucking on her little nub until she was shaking underneath me.

“It’s alright, baby.” I always had to coax her orgasm for the first times we’d laid together, her being too inexperienced and unfamiliarized with the sensations coursing through her body. “I got you. Cum for me.”

I watched hypnotized as she threw her head back while she clenched around my fingers, and I felt tempted to climb up her body and mark that pretty little neck she had exposed with a hundred million love bites, but I didn’t. I didn’t want her to feel pressured, feel like my weight on top of hers was me hurrying her process just so I could fuck her.

But I didn’t need to worry, because as soon as her eyes were open again, she reached out for me. “Come,” she called, tiny hand grasping for mine. “Want you inside.” I’d always found adorable how she cut down her sentences when she was eager for me, and witnessing it again only added to the desire I felt for her.

I climbed up on the bed and reached out for her other hand, keeping both of hers clasped on mine as I fused us together. I’d almost forgotten how it felt to be inside of her. This connection… It went beyond the sexual, it felt spiritual.

I kept holding her hands as I started to fuck her, losing myself to the feeling of being this close together again. I buried my face in the crook of her neck, breathing her in, and I only let her go when she pried her hands away to claw at my back.

“Shit… Take my cock so well.” It was gentle, the way I thrusted in and out of her, easily finding that spot that had taken me a while to discover back when we started having sex. But it was also desperate - I was desperate. A part of me really believed I’d never get to have her like this again, never get to share this sort of intimacy with her, cherish her body, give her pleasure. 

But here we were.

“You like that, huh?” I couldn’t help but tease, hearing her passionate moans reverberating across our room. I already knew she did. I knew just what she liked. But when she moaned my name as a response, I almost lost it right then and there.

It was the best kind of torture. Being this close and still having to keep some part of me intact, remembering that she still hadn’t given every part of her in return. I didn’t want to hold back. I wanted everything with her, once again.

It didn’t take much to bring her to climax, and hers elicited mine, like she always did. When it was said and done, I made sure to cuddle her just like I knew she needed, especially considering this was the first time she remembered doing this.

“How was it?” I asked, kissing her temple as I caressed her skin, relaxed in the knowledge that I’d fall asleep hearing her heartbeat against my chest. “Did I manage to make it great for you?”

She pushed away from me just enough to meet my eyes and smiled. “It was perfect.” But once she readjusted herself against my chest, she still commented, “I thought it would hurt more.”

A bittersweet smile took over my features, but thankfully she couldn’t see it. In fact, I watched as she fell asleep on my arms, muttering an “I love you” that would probably still freak her out if she’d heard right now.

I couldn’t imagine a world where I wouldn’t get to share a bed with her anymore. So that night, for the first time in a while, I didn’t feel alone as I closed my eyes and followed her into Morpheu’s arms.

[idombledore]

How to lose 30 kilos in 6 months and love every minute

Part 1 > Revelation in France Three years ago, my wife and I decided to call time on our marriage. It was a sombre final chat in the kitchen, sharing the last bottle we might ever share. We were sad but it made perfect sense. We’d tried. My wife said she’d move out down to her parent's house in the country and she asked me what I'd  do, I picked something random from the top of my idiot head and said “Spain.” “Spain?” she said and “Spain” I repeated. No idea where it came from. Maybe I just wanted my departure to be more triumphant, a little more exciting than moving in with parents. Whenever we’d have a fight, that’s what she’d do. I'd run my consultancy for twenty odd years and over that twenty odd years, my role had evolved into taking clients to lunch, dinner, shows and spectacles.  Nice if you can get it but it took its toll on my fitness. By the time I drove off to the Channel Tunnel, I was eighteen stone and I hadn't played a meaningful game of football in years. For some reason, a revelation always hits me a while after the event, more autopsy than eureka. Something that seemed so clear suddenly fogs up in deference to the new truth. Of course she was right, idiot. You always knew that. “If you can’t respect your own body,” she said. “How can anyone else?” And there it was. Respect your body. Respect your mind. Fitness. Breathe new air. Everything is going to change. If my automated blurting of “Spain” was taking me to Spain, then let it be Spain. I would return  triumphant, slim, toned and sleek and everyone would say how awesome and happy and better-without-her I was. I was more than halfway from Calais, driving to a small French town called Île de Ré, an island off La Rochelle on the West Coast. I remember the exact spot because the signs had shown their first direction to Le Mans. From that sign, 300km shy of my target, facing three more driving hours, I lost a lump of time I can’t account for. The next thing I knew there were signs for La Roche Sur Yon. I remembered it from my planning stage because it was pretty close to where I was headed. The sat nav confirmed I was suddenly only an hour from Ile de Rey in what seemed like a blink. I couldn't tell you why it happened and I have no idea what, if anything, I was thinking in the missing time. What I can tell you is the clarity on the other side. My new start. My new energy. My mission. Maybe the universe had supplanted a new person into me. Maybe it took me time to reboot. It felt like it. At that moment, I couldn’t possibly have imagined anything else. I’d booked a little room overlooking the harbour at Le Colonnes. I was soon checked in and I unloaded laptop and cables to start the mission I hadn't quite fleshed out yet. 6 foot 1. 18 stone. I fumbled my finger over the Body Mass Index chart, into the blue, sailing past green and into the orange, and just before getting into the red, there it was. My number. My target. 32.  I was actually clinically obese. I needed to be 24 to fit into that little green zone of health and fitness. 25% of my bodyweight was surplus. This was a holy **** moment as I pulled back from the screen. I closed the laptop and swore foulness on that 25%. My mission had shown its numbers and my plan had started. That night would be the finest French cuisine a man can enjoy and the next day, everything would change. Part 2 > Mission Planning I woke up remembering Le Skipper in the harbour, the fillet steak with crushed pea purée and dauphinoise potatoes that would serve as my turning point.Something I wouldn’t deserve again until my mission was accomplished. I was still buzzed. Normally, revelations are flushed with the first order of the day but not this one. The morning  after a revelation is a test of human willpower. If you fold at such an early point, there is literally no hope for you. If the stakes are this important and you fold, you, my son, are an idiot. As one lady said to me more than once, “It’s not a rehearsal, boy.” I wasn't sure if I was still an idiot or not yet as all manners of sweet and savoury things greeted me in the  breakfast room at the hotel. Bacon, eggs croissants, jam, cheeses and hams, but hang on, my eyes focused on something else, like they were being moved by another force. The fruit section. Normally I'd  be starting a three course mini marathon under the guise of getting the day some energy. Today though, I took a little bowl and filled it to the top with melon and orange, mango, cherries and all colour of things and I sat down with orange juice and looked over at big people and little people, busy people and relaxed people. I knew I was on a different level to them, just for now, in the light still shining on me. Your willpower gets a serious shot in the arm. I had more research to do about the exact food groups I'd  need but I knew this was right. Then the first glimmers of insubordination popped up briefly and reminded me that I had a fallback and that fallback was called lunch and every day I had a fallback plan to the next meal. Maybe fruit wasn't enough, surely a bit of bacon and cheese? No, fuck off, I said, turning a head or two in the dining room. I gestured an apology and then I smiled at the last cherry in my bowl. I munched that little cherry up. There would be no bacon or cheese. Those dark little glimmers were crushed and squished and left pleading as I got up and left the room. I was smiling as I approached Bordeaux. Today's destination was about six hours over the Pyrenees to Pamplona in northern Spain. This is where they do the bull run every July. Basque country, and the Bordeaux signs told me I was about a third of the way there. The night before had included two bottles of Fitou. Le Skipper was quiet and the staff had time to chat. After dinner, I was pretty much the only punter there so they wrapped it up and took me to Bar Kokot with their Austrian Rum. So, there hadn’t been time to do the work I needed but what a fine farewell to my old life. Yet another sign flashed my licence plate and said I was going too fast and I anticipated a box full of speeding tickets waiting for me whenever I got back to London. But I didn't care. I couldn't wait to get to Pamplona and get the laptop out, make my plan. A few hours later I was in my room at the Pamplona Catedral Hotel doing just that. I already knew how much weight to lose. Thirty kilos, almost 5 stone. One of the first results, I found out about the Okinawa diet. Okinawa, a little island off the south of Japan has the longest living humans on the planet. Taxi drivers are ninety years old and still dance. People eat whatever grows near them and that’s it. One photo I saw was of an elaborate table. You could sit about ten people round it. The table was a tea making machine. A few strips of bamboo were hooked up to an inlet and brought mountain spring water into the table. Most of the water would trickle out and continue down the mountain, unsure of why it had been put through the bother,  but when you turned a little handle, the water would be diverted around a spaghetti of pipes and on towards the bowels of the table. It would slip and slide through channels lined with fresh tea leaves and elements gradually heating it up as it travelled. Turn one of the eight  little taps under the  table edge and you have a steaming cup of the freshest tea. So, the fine people from Okinawa told me how you could eat perfectly well and get everything a body needs. And you didn't need meat or anything processed to do it. My first culinary casualties. I also learned that my whole eating schedule had been wrong all my life. The best way to do it is to eat small but eat often. I'd  been so proud of myself some days when I was too busy to eat anything and had six tons of dinner at about 9pm. Wrong. The body is a sensitive little baby. If it doesn't get fed often enough it throws its toys out the pram and truly believes it’s starving. It then converts what you do eat into fat, sensible storage for a rainy day when maybe you do starve. How a brain can fail to tell a body that it’s ok, no-one's going to starve is beyond me but apparently it does. So, by the time I'd  showered and got ready to see what this former bastion of the Roman empire had going for it, I had successfully mapped out my new diet. And it was all the stuff I like to eat anyway. I'd  start with some fruit, in deference to the first successful morning. Then give it a couple of hours and a little low fat cottage cheese on a wholewheat crispbread, and a few crushed walnuts sprinkled on it. Before what was probably the main mini meal of the day, about two o'clock, it was exercise. My wife’s brother had told me the body prefers to exercise then eat as it’s still burning, rather than the other way round. Maybe A little tuna steak with bok choy, a bit of spinach, greek yoghurt and some kidney beans or chickpeas. Amazing things chickpeas, fibre and protein all in one little pill. It wasn't a problem designing these mini meals, the problem was there was too much choice. If you're going to have pasta, have wholewheat pasta. If you're going to have rice, have wild rice or brown rice and not too much of either. Your 5 or 7 a day is so easy to achieve and better. Let your milk be zero fat milk, let your greens be asparagus, broccoli, kale, spinach, artichoke, sprouts and bok choy. Eat nuts, almonds, walnuts. Eat pulses. Kidney beans, chickpeas. Prefer fruits of the forest over others, raspberries, blackberries and the like. Loads of antioxidants. And let your booze be anything but beer, predominantly white wine and a glass of red a day comes straight from the doc. All the stuff I already knew. Lettuce, peppers, tomatoes, celery, onion, garlic. Jesus I could do a meal planner for a month without getting bored.   This was going to be tasty. I could still love my food but carry that aloof grin that comes with a man shedding timber and having fun doing it. I'd  know exactly how many calories came with each mini meal and how much exercise to do to burn them off. The laptop was closed up and my phone map and I set off to explore Pamplona. The city is called Iruna in the native Basque language and there was an ever-present but subtle show of the independence from Spain the Basque people had been after for a long time. Basque flags were draped over balconies and stuck on cars but a local told me, do not take a flag out in public or you’d get carted off. One local comedian had added a bit of graffiti to a low wall, poorly translated as “Anything but a free state is just a load of bulls.” Back in the hotel room, I tackled the exercise aspects. Swimming would always figure, especially in Spain, but what else? Running can be high impact, shin splints and the like. It would be rowing. It’s got everything, loads of muscles getting tickled gently, great cardio and hang on here we go, I can get a machine for the house for a couple of hundred euros. I'd join a kayak club or some such but winter was on its way and even the Spanish winter doesn't lend itself to being in the sea. And that was it, a meal for all moods and occasions and an all year round exercise regime. When it was too cold to swim, double up on the rowing. Just make sure you get in some form of water as soon as you finish exercising to loosen up your muscles. I also learned how little anyone should need a gym (apart from my little rowing machine of course). We really do have everything we need around the house. First of all, a running machine? What? Just run around the block. If you want to run uphill, run uphill. Muscle tone is also important. If you’re shedding tonnage, you want the tonnage that’s left nice and tight. Push ups, pull ups, weights, dips, pec toning, ab toning and your core. You can pull up on anything, a couple of chairs, backs together, get your balance and you’re away. Climb something. I'd  start slow. An hour on the rowing machine, weights and core stuff and finally fifteen minutes of laps in the pool. It was all mapped out. That evening, I sat down in a little restaurant I’d spied earlier, down some steps to a little square, live jazz music in the middle. The menu didn’t have much of the stuff I needed and I’d definitely give the “grosse crevette” and “assaulted pasta” a swerve.   I wondered if this would be a problem going forward. I remembered many menus and I wasn’t sure many of them were fit for my new purpose. But then I saw the celery and walnut salad. Fine, little glass of chablis to go along and everything was still on track. Part 3 > Execution The next day around four o'clock, I arrived at my final destination. A little town called Javea, a hundred kilometres south of Valencia. Look at Spain. There’s a little nose about two thirds down the east coast. Tip of that nose. That’s us, pressed against the sea by the mountains. It felt like its own little island.   First priority after wandering around was the supermarket. Go get the super foods. My place was in Cabo la Nao right up on the point near the lighthouse. My mission hadn’t been created when I booked it, but with my new mission head on, the remoteness of my location would be a good thing. When I went outside to get back in my car, I was reminded it had just carried me from London to south east Spain. Over those 1800 miles, the front of the car had accumulated a second skin of unfortunate insects. Insects of all shapes, colours and sizes had become one single cloak of wonder food for any bird that took a fancy. And they did. A feeding frenzy was underway and even this one approaching human and a mystery cat that seemed to appear from nowhere couldn’t scare them off. They each had an allocated section of bodywork to pick at and they did well but still couldn’t get it all off. The earlier casualties were part bug, part Audi. The nearest supermarket was down in the Cala Blanca bit and was called Consum. It was the strangest supermarket shop I'd  ever done. A hundred euros of good healthy stuff. I'd  never put walnuts in a shopping cart. But I carried the same internal smugness of someone whose every passing minute is making them healthier than everyone else. It was a hot day and I knew if I didn't get it all fridged up quick smart, for the whole six months here, there would be a sea bass, salmon, octopus and monkfish essence in my car. The pool was warm enough not to have to thrash around like a perishing salmon and it was my first test of where I was fitness-wise. It was a fifteen metre pool. Breaststroke was the best all round stroke for  what I was after so I took off up and down. I'd  have to do this for at least 30 minutes every day so how close was I? I managed about 15 minutes and thought it was a good start for day one. My own salmon was ready to go under the grill and I was hungry. Baby steps. The house and garden had to provide me with my makeshift gym. Soon, I had two sturdy wooden outside chairs back to back for pull ups, a couple of buckets from the gardener’s shed filled with pool water. The rest would need no props. The push ups over there next to the pool and that little wall would do the ab stuff. Suspend myself on it and hold myself there for ten seconds, ten second break, repeat until knackered.   I had a little go at all my disciplines. The props held up just fine and my routine was set. There was only one thing missing and it would be the majority of my cardio workout. The rowing machine.   In five days time, it would be on my doorstep. I carried on with my eating regime and stepped up the swimming and workout aspects and on day five, the rowing machine arrived. It was lovely and orange and it went right where I hoped it would, between two columns on the terrace. Then I suddenly realised, apart from the supermarket on day one, I hadn't been out yet. The days had been formed around my mini meals and exercise and going out didn't sound as healthy as staying in. But I had to prove to myself I could carry on the mission in or out. That night, I did go out, met some nice folks, Lee and Tracey from Southend and a drummer called Hector, saw a band and drank white wine and had lubina a la plancha,  grilled sea bass, asparagus and a few slices of grilled aubergine, every so slight drizzle of local honey. My taxi got me home at a reasonable hour and I got out without that heavy feeling I’d get when I went out back home. Always too much beer and always too much red meat. I took a quick stroll round my makeshift gym and my new rowing machine and then slept better than I had for ages. Tomorrow, a full programme for the first time. The rowing machine soon got me sweating. The readout was like trying to wish away the miles in the car, watching calorie after calorie clock away, minute after minute. The machine was fine, nice and easy, smooth strokes, keep your back straight. Pretty soon I'd  done my hour and I took a break for water. The weights and pull up and everything else was becoming faster and I was doing more of them. By the time I got into the pool, I was feeling muscle burn and my heart felt reawoken. With the help of a great little tool called Supertracker, I had it all mapped out. Today I would eat 1200 calories and  burn off 2000. And so it was for the next couple of weeks. The cats started popping in to see what this strange noise was an hour every day and soon they stuck around for some cheeky tuna and I had one or two pusscats to talk to while I worked out. The hour a day on the rower needed a bit more entertainment than the readout. By now I knew my pace and you just have to finish the hour come what may. Being in my own head was amusing enough but I needed a bit more autopilot. The laptop was enlisted to provide comedy shows and every so often, this Spanish course I was taking. The hour started to go by like the missing time I'd  felt in La Roche Sur Yon. I was doing more miles to the hour, I was doing more laps in the pool and I was looking forward to every stage more and more. Pretty soon though, the pool became unswimmable so I got a wetsuit but that only really extended it a few weeks. My regime changed and I doubled up on the rowing. My daily meal plans were sometimes not planned, just cobble together the right food groups in the right quantities. Some of the taste combos were worth jotting down, others didn't really work but still, the scales in the bathroom were starting to show results. I'd got down to 100 kilos from 108 in the first 3 weeks. I couldn't believe the progress. I was never hungry, I felt great and the pounds were escaping with ease. I'd have this done in a few more weeks. I started a weight chart and logged as much as I could, something to be proud of. Then the rate of weight loss slowed. I checked the scales. How could doing exactly the same thing every day cause a different result? I changed the scales so that it seemed more of a dramatic reduction. A bit more research told me the scales were fine, the programme was fine. It’s just the first bit of weight drops off you because you're reducing your water retention. After that, you work just as hard for half the initial result. And don't forget, the programme is increasing muscle mass as well, which weighs more than fat. That's fine. So be it. This was the realistic rate. Months not weeks. And I was enjoying it. I was enjoying succeeding, winning. This wasn't so hard. A couple more weeks went past and still the pounds tumbled. Sometimes the reductions were erratic, same programme, 2 pounds off one day, half a pound off the next. I didn't really need to know why as long as the weight kept dropping. The thing was, I had been looking at myself in the full length mirror by the door every day after my workout before the shower and I still didn't look any different. I knew all the machinery and logic associated with my mission couldn’t all be wrong at the same time so I was pretty sure there would be a decent reason for it and so there was. What you’re doing initially is sorting out your core. That’s where you’re losing the initial weight and water. Your core is what’s getting beefed up and fit, out of sight. It made sense enough to a layman but you still like to see changes. And then it happened. My jeans had been feeling a little looser than normal for a few days and then I realised I needed the belt in another hole. There it was, the first sign. I couldn't confirm it from the mirror but this was incontrovertible. Maybe it was something psychosomatic in my head showing me something, but soon after that, I started to see some definition around my middle, not so much abs per se, just prepping the ground for them. The pounds kept shedding off my weight chart. I will freely admit, I did have one or two blowouts, the need for a kebab and a cold beer, and I knew the numbers would show it, but I was now not actually fitting into trousers and shorts and some shirts looked like nightdresses. I needed healthy persons clothes. I have never felt so happy about an impending cost. I looked good, like I did in my 30s. By the time four months had passed, my target of 80 kilos remained and I was only a couple off at 82. I had two months to drop that and I knew I would. I looked at photos of me in london 6 months before and it was incredible. I looked like a different person altogether. I looked tired, heavy, dreading the next flight of stairs. Warning. This is a pivotal moment. When you’re ahead of the curve and bossing it, its easy to entertain the notion that you can ease off a bit. Physically, you’re probably right but don't do it. It changes your mindset from achieving something to already having achieved it but it’s not yet achieved. Rabbit and the hare. Achieve it first, then reward yourself with easing off. I hit my 80 kilos with five weeks to go and the next five weeks kept me there. It was done. I'd  smashed the shit out that 25%. It was gone. I took off from Valencia and landed at Gatwick requiring second glances at my passport photo. Yes, folks that really is me,  just an awful lot more of me. By the time I wandered down the street to the pub, I'd  already decided I wasn’t going back to the UK for good. Spain was my home now. My mission, my new life was born on the French highways and realised in the Spanish mountains. I wasn't even really thinking of the reaction I’d get when I walked in. I didn’t need reactions. I knew what I’d done. Me and my water buckets, pussycats, rowing machines, the glorious island of Okinawa and singing, dancing Spain. The reaction was complete astonishment. Not just someone telling you you look well. This was holy **** across the board. My choice of a pink leather coat to mark the occasion drew its own conclusion but I was stronger and fitter and more vibrant in mind and body.  And I looked it and we all knew it. Life’s new plateau had been reached with a simple regard for my own well being. A respect for my only asset. And it was simple, inspiring and very enjoyable.

[fratboyfaith]

coming out!

okay, so, maybe i should start at the beginning?

yeah, okay. here we go.

history

as far back as I can remember, i’ve had crushes. like, almost an abnormal amount for such a young kid ahahah. want proof? every year of school I had a crush on at least one person, holy fuck. good god, i would have so many crushes on these random boys i never even talked to and i’d be in a constant dreamy state due to it.

i would watch movies and dream of experiencing the same things those women (who are literally faking love) portray on television.

i had my real first kiss at 5, with a girl

actually, she was the furthest I ever went with anyone, later on.

my “first kiss”, you know, the one that’s ‘the first’ as a pre-teen where it’s all awkward and shit, i had behind a library at 14

but when he kissed me, or rather, when I grabbed his face and kissed him because he was too hesitant to make the first move…

i felt nothing.

you know in movies, books, for god’s sake even songs, that thing…that tingle? apparently there’s this tingle you’re supposed to get? or that feeling you get when you’re with someone you ‘like-like’ -since we’re talking about 14 year olds

I didn’t feel that attraction, I didn’t feel anything. when we dated for a short period of time — the way grade nines do, you know — i felt nothing. 

I mean, I wasn’t expecting to fall in love with him, we hadn’t known each other that long, but when I say nothing happened, like I didn’t feel a single thing. before, during, and after.

we broke up a few days later due to my lack of affection, and of course the fact that he wanted someone else.

when we broke up, I didn’t get mad, didn’t get upset, didn’t feel anything.

I was just trying to follow the ‘normal teenager’ thing to do.

being 14, i just wanted to be as normal as possible.

experience

so then, i kept trying.

because to a 14 year old a boyfriend was such a big priority.

i made friends with a nice boy, we’re still friends to this day

what a great guy he is, and i’m honestly so glad he found someone he can spend his life with

we hit it off back the same year, 2014, everything was great

but then something shut off.

that was the start of me thinking there was something legitimately wrong with me for 6 years

right before we were about to date,

my whole opinion of him changed in literally in a blink.

like, it all shut off, that feeling… like, the attraction?

so, since all those feelings just *disappeared*, so did I out of his life.

this was a continuous thing from grade 9 to present day, ever since I started dating.

every single time I would go out with a guy, within days I would lose all feelings

and the weird part was that it never bothered me.

I never felt sad for losing feelings.

they just switched off as soon as we got close.

and the whole time, I thought there was always something wrong with me

like, there was nothing wrong with these people, most of my ex’s are quality* people!

*although there was one guy I dated who threatened me and told me to “drop dead” bc i broke up with him due to this ‘problem’ I thought I had. so that wasn’t really cool tbh

I kept trying so hard to find someone who I didn’t instantly lose feelings for as soon as we got close

i went through 27 people, in those 6 years, and every single one I lost feelings for instantly either right before being asked to be their girlfriend, or days after we started dating.

i always thought there was something wrong about me, and i hated myself for it.

i resorted to ghosting to every person who tried to get to my heart because the feelings were never mutual in my case,

for 6 years i ghosted so many people — even before it was called ghosting

and looking back now I can acknowledge that it was so wrong to do that…if I had the mind i did when i was 14 and started experiencing this, i wouldn’t of resorted to ghosting. 

but the idea of spending one more single day with a person i had lost all feelings for... to the point where it would make me uncomfortable to even be near them, was too much for me to handle.

so i broke up with the past partners, and ghosted the could-have-beens, so i wasn’t feeling this horrible discomfort, and i didn’t want to lie to them and fake my feelings for their happiness... because in my eyes that’s worse. 

2018 me would have totally given an explanation bc ghosting is not cool at all.

i just shut out their feelings, because mine were already gone prior.

being i didn’t know what was ‘wrong’ with me, this was the only option in my eyes.

fast forward to last year (2017)

i met someone, we really clicked well, everything was going great, he showed me the classiness of dating that no one had shown me before

but it still happened (gosh darn)

I lost every feeling that i was trying so hard to hold onto

but no matter how hard my grip was, it always slipped out of my fingers.

obviously now i see that ghosting is such a dick move lol

so i actually gave him an explanation! he became the first guy I came out to! (further on the coming out part in like 5 or 6 sentences i know this is so long)

realization

in october 2017 i started digging deep into how i function as a person and trying to learn more about who i am..

i started to research a little, but gave up quickly.

like how do you try and explain in the google search bar that every time anyone tries to get close with you, you lose all feelings and shut them out instantly?

then it hit me

my voice in my head literally said to me ‘oh shit what if i’m asexual’

i spent the next 72 hours in my room researching everything about asexuality.

i found out there’s nothing wrong with me, and holy fuck was that a weight of my shoulders.

i discovered so much information and found out there are so many different kinds of asexuality.

the way ash hardell explained it in such depth... it’s like everything made sense. it’s like when she gave the definition for lithromantic/sexual it was about me.

i was so relieved, man you have no idea how relieved i was.

all of a sudden this ‘problem’ i had wasn’t a problem.

november 3rd 2017 to my mom, dad, and my best friend of 7 years, I came out as asexual.

i was so scared. like, usually i never get nervous. tests? exams? psh, if anything i’m too laidback and unworried.

my mom said to me “life can be just as fulfilling without having to get married or date, you can have amazing friends and support without a significant other” she was so accepting and supportive.

my Conservative Christian father told me “well, maybe you haven’t met the right boy yet that’s all”

lol what the fuck

it’s like… if a man comes out as gay, and someone were to say “maybe you haven’t met the right girl yet that’s all”

funny enough, even when I told my close friend —at the time— who was coincidentally homosexual, he said the same thing to me, which baffles me because I would have thought him all people would understand the difficulty of coming out and having everyone judge you because you’re different.

and furthermore, for the next month, that "you just haven’t met the right guy” quote was all I heard from everyone.

i went silent for a year.

every person i told, granted it was only a few of close friends and my parents, told me the same thing. 

pretty sure only one person didn’t use that line on me, so thanks anGeLiNa ilysm <3 

lesson: if someone is coming out don’t say shit like

“maybe you just haven’t met the perfect guy yet”

bc if they’ve gone through the difficulty of this, they’re probably PRETTY SURE that’s not gonna be the ‘cure-all’ remedy. 

for a year I held my tongue even though I knew the truth about myself, I was afraid of being stigmatized or told the same thing everyone else did.

until a few days ago, i was in this state of holding it all in for 13 months.

i was unsure if i should tell my new college friends, i was worried no one would like me. i feared stigmatization, i feared guys would think i was a prude 

i didn’t want to spend all my time trying to explain a sexual orientation i didn’t even 100% understand myself

I always liked the concept of falling in love, it used to be all I’d think about when I was younger

I see young couples holding hands walking in stores or down the street and i sigh because i wish i had that.

the concept of love really got me.

I would still have these crushes too, but I would never pursue them just because I never had an interest to.. and when I would, I would lose feelings instantly because deep within I never wanted intimacy.

so in my sociology class last week, asexuality was the topic we were learning, and with that it brought everything back

like a year hadn’t even passed.

but this time i was determined for some answers.

when I came out to my family and keona (to me, she is also family) I was still hesitant… for god’s sake I was hesitant until yesterday.

I didn’t like the feeling of this label making me *doomed to never love* as I still like the concept of love

but I needed to be honest with what i really want

when I’m in a relationship, i’m not happy. 

romantic reciprocation towards me makes me uncomfortable, it’s just who I am.

so why force it if it’s something i truly do not want? 

it doesn’t make me sad anymore, it used to. I always liked the idea of dating having an S/O, but in reality, deep within, for me.. I do not want that. I simply like the idea. I can’t change me, as soon as I discovered asexuality, i no longer saw it as problem anymore — if anything it takes soooooooo much pressure off.

so yeah, 

I still get attracted to guys. (and girls oooo fun additional tidbit)

still get crushes.

still walk by people and look them up and down bc damn hello *wink*

yeah i get horny i’m not a nun

yeah, i have a great personal sexual life

i’m not a fucking robot lol

yeah i’ll still flirt with you for fun

simply put: I just don’t want to be romantically or sexually close with someone else.

I have no desire to, and I’m okay with that

I’m still learning all of this as I go along,

i have wonderful friends who support and love me and that is all I could ever ask for <3 

i don’t see the high point of my life to be having kids or getting married tbh, i don’t actually even see that ever happening. 

no, life isn’t lonely, I love my solitude and I gain so much positivity and love from my family, friends, and the people around me. 

yesterday (dec 10th) i finally accepted myself — after countless years of trying to do something i’m not programmed to do.

i’m asexual/aromantic

literally am the same person as i was yesterday, last week, and last year

all this is, is a label and an event of acceptance of myself

not changing anything about myself

I am simple acknowledging who i am, and letting it be known, so I can further accept it myself and grow ♡

with doing this, I feel SOOOOO good oh my GOD

this was such a happy thing for me to write! this is a day of freaking celebration!

like, i don’t have to keep trying be something i’m not and it feels wonderful

i can finally start focusing on my version of happiness instead of trying to accomplish the traditional happiness…which ironically never made me happy.

my #1 girl is named faith and i’m focusing on her happiness, and this was a big acceptance chapter I needed to get through in order for her to flourish further. 

thank you for reading!

xx

tbh i’m not even going to proofread this so if there’s spelling mistakes my uPmOsT aPoLogiEs~

[mcjour]

so the other day was the anniversary of my friend’s death and i realized there was so much i didn’t process there like at all. 

i can barely even remember what our relationship was. he definitely wasn’t a close best friend or anything, at least. but the line between acquaintance and friend is blurred. like, i didn’t exactly hang out with him. but it’s not like i was really hanging out with anyone at that point lol.

so i see his closer friends (also my friends) post something on facebook sometimes and i am like huh am i entitled to that? was i close enough to him or would posting be attention seeking?

i mean there isn’t anything i need to post or anything but thought that was an interesting thought. especially knowing my friends who knew him really wouldn’t even be the type to gatekeep grief anyway but like i said just a thought

gosh i barely even remember him and that’s so awful. like the day i found out he died, we all posted about it and so my memories are only the ones i wrote down in that post. they were nice memories, but i hate that my brain has deleted so much of my life

anyway can’t believe it’s been 5 years!

i think about him a lot, actually. not all the time, but more than i would expect

one thing i thought about this week was how traumatizing finding out was. because we all found out through a mass email to the entire campus. heartbreaking, probably the worst way to find out. i don’t really blame the school for that or anything, it’s not like they have a roster of all your connections or anything lol. but that doesn’t make it any less sucky

i remember i was texting a friend and maybe she was the one to read the email first? but either way i remember us being like, hold on, are we reading this correctly? our friend had a decently common name, so on a large campus, could there have been someone else with his name? but no. he was ours.

i remember i was in the dining hall getting food right before work. i was in shock. i don’t remember if i cried then and there, but i definitely cried at work. i don’t really know why i didn;t just not go to work. probably i didn’t even know who i would talk to about it. besides, what else was i supposed to do? it’s not like there was a guide to how to react when you find out your friend is dead via campus email.

i remember walking to my dorm after my shift. for some reason i worked on the opposite side of campus than i lived lol. i was probably cold and tired and dirty and wet from working in the dish room. i was listening to music as i walked. as i walked up the steep hill (almost home!), the song lifegoeson by noah and the whale came on shuffle. there’s a verse about the singer’s “last night on earth” and having no regrets or something. and wow i think i probably just bawled right then and there knowing that it had literally been my friend’s last night on earth the night or 2 before. 

when you looked at his twitter, that night (or sometime in the days before), he had retweeted a bunch of tweets saying “i could really use a hug right now.” i don’t think i had seen it at the time, like i don’t think i used twitter every day or anything. but to look back at that is so stinging. like, one of those cliche moments wondering if you could go back into the past and change something. like if i had seen that and reached out to him, would he still be alive today? and really who knows. and who knows, maybe other friends DID see, and DID reach out. it’s not really something i spend a lot of time guilting over or anything. but it still is really something to look back at, the cries for help immortalized on the internet. 

his twitter account was later hacked and became like a porn bot account which was also just devastating. luckily i think those tweets got deleted, but the profile picture and the bio still remain. and his old tweets too, like i said. 

there’s also a message he sent me a few months before he died inviting me to a party, which was so kind. and literally the day before he died, he sent me a cat video. or maybe it was the night he died. the link is dead now, so i don’t remember what the video was. there’s no response. i don’t know if i ignored it or if i just didn’t check twitter. 

maybe he was trying to comfort us through his death. in retrospect, i guess i really was a friend if i was one of the people he reached out to in those final hours

his death was right before finals too. which meant we were all totally fucked, i was already tanking a lot of my classes as it already was. i ended up taking an incomplete in one and finishing the next semester. i am sure many of my friends were in similar boats. the friend who passed was actually about to graduate. he was 24. i must’ve been 19 at the time, almost 20. he seemed so much older. i am 24 now, so lol.

the reason i was struggling so much before this was that  my cat had died about a month prior. he was my entire world. 

i couldn’t imagine life without my cat. i can’t remember when i started feeling suicidal myself, but my friend’s death definitely exacerbated that feeling. i think i felt like he beat me to it. and i didn’t want people to think i was a copy cat either. but every time i cut through the fine arts center i’d stand and look over the edge and wonder if it was high enough. i really don’t think it was LOL. but i was in so much pain.

what helped was my advisor slash professor. i had emailed all my professors about the deaths just to give them a heads up if i was missing class or assignments or whatever. and i remember i typed something like sorry, i am just having a really shitty semester. and she replied and was like yeah no that’s an understatement. and she invited me to like hang out and chat and eat donuts and i felt super awkward and anxious about the whole thing but she was so kind and helped me get through some of the professor issues i was having. plus the donut. that ended up really jumpstarting our relationship and she was so important to my college career. 

i knew another person from that same group who also died. i was not as close to her, but was of course still sad to hear of her passing. and it really speaks to how trauma can kill you, i think. most college groups do not lose two people. while they are still in college. there’s a photo of us from a house party and it’s weird that there’s i don’t know 10, 15, 20 people in the photo and 2 of them are dead.

these are things that i haven’t told anybody. because who could i tell?

like i could talk about my friend with our mutual friends, and we did right after he passed and stuff but like at some point that ends. and then i’m not really in close contact with any of them anymore. i would be happy to talk to any of them, don’t get me wrong, but i’m not about to contact these people out of the blue.

and anyone who didn’t know him wouldn’t know

and my cat too. i feel like that’s not as shareable of a grief. like society says that’s just a cat. and it was only a month after losing him that i lost my friend, so i was still grieving my cat when it happened. but now my friends all had their own grief and i didn’t want to divert the focus on my friend to be like hi i also am sad about my cat? that seems weird. the word that came to mind was selfish, and i don’t think that’s the correct word in this context. but it does just feel inappropriate.

then to go home at the end of the semester to an unsupportive household while weighted down by two huge deaths. i think i told my mom i wasn’t going to talk to her about my friend (what could i really say anyway). idk she’s the last place i would go for comfort.

and she made grieving the cat horrible. i don’t remember but i think she made it all about her somehow. like how she found the body and bla bla bla. i don’t remember.

the grief of both of these deaths has been bottled for 5 years.

something else i remembered: they set up group counseling for me and my friends. and so i went. i wasn’t too keen on counseling, but i think i was just in shock still and figured it would be good for me. and good to be with friends, whether for my sake or theirs.

so it was run by this lady. this horrible lady. the lady who sent me to the hospital for no fucking reason. so i was like holy fucking shit!!! but once again i think i was kinda in shock, like wtf was i supposed to do, just walk out and make a scene? so i sat there. and she sucked lol. i smiled at one point. i have no idea why i smiled. it was unconcious. maybe i remembered a happy memory, maybe it was just a nervous response who fucking knows. either way she called me out on it and was like why are you smiling? now i think it is rude in general to just call someone out like that LOL but this just so happened to be a very specific trigger of mine from high school days. so i think i literally ran out of the room. one of my friends followed me and talked with me out in the staircase. i know i didn’t go back, but i can’t remember if my friend went back or not. i think i felt bad having her comfort me over some dumb thing, instead of getting counseling herself, but she was definitely like nah that lady sucks. someone i think said the lady made a comment about me leaving too. idk. anyway she’s an ass.

unrelated, kinda, this lady taught the intro to social work class which i really wanted to take but i was like hell NO. luckily one semester they got someone else to teach it. it sucked in a totally different way LOL. 

[ezrafanfic]

An Unexpected Future

PART 5:

The next few weeks had been busy for Ezra, so I didn’t see him much at all, except when he would stop by my place to check in on me and bring me food. It was still early into the pregnancy, but I was having cravings. One day it was mint chocolate chip ice cream and chocolate syrup and the next it was lemon Italian ice and Skittles; Ezra joked that the baby had a sweet tooth.

Although he had a busy schedule, he was constantly texting me, more so than usual. He was excited, booking a few small gigs with his band and getting ready to audition for a movie role. It was all he would talk about. I was happy for him, knowing how much his music and film career meant to him. But part of me hoped that he was just as excited about being a father.

I myself was trying to finish school; Eventually I wanted to be a graphic designer and I currently had a job at a library that I enjoyed for the time being. I just moved back to Brooklyn less than a year ago. Ezra and I had known each other since we were 9 or 10, but after he started getting into acting and music, he dropped out of high school during our junior year, around the same time I moved to Massachusetts with my older brother.

Ezra and I lost touch for a little while, but after I moved back to Brooklyn, we met up a few times for coffee and he attended a few of my art shows. He was always a pretty busy guy and I still didn’t see him much, but he had always been my best friend.

The night that we slept together, he invited me to see his band perform. One of his buddies had a party afterward and Ezra convinced me to tag along. Needless to say, we both had a lot to drink and neither of us were in any condition to drive, so we took an Uber back to Ezra’s apartment. We ended up making out on his couch, both of us completely trashed. It didn’t take very long for things to get hot and heavy and one thing lead to another and here I was, 2 months pregnant.

Ezra and I decided we would tell our families and Lilah and Josh after my 9 week doctor’s visit, where I would be receiving my first ultrasound and get to hear the baby’s heart beat. Ezra was joining me for this visit and he seemed excited.

I rushed outside the morning of, when I heard him honking his car horn. I had spent most of the morning going through my closet, trying to find something to wear. Over the past few days, I noticed some of my skinny jeans had gotten rather tight at my waist, to the point where I really had to suck in to zip and button them. I looked at myself in the mirror after struggling to get into my pants, noticing I was starting to show, my once flat stomach, now stuck out slightly, like I had just eaten a big meal.

The little bump was just slightly noticable in most of my shirts, and I gave up trying to hide it. I just left the white tank top I had on and slipped a maroon hoodie on over it, leaving it unzipped.

Ezra was leaning against the side of his car, smoking a cigarette, waiting for me.

“You know,” I said, half teasing, but also being somewhat serious, “It wouldn’t be a bad idea for you to quit. Second hand smoke isn’t exactly good for mommy or baby to be around.”

“Well, maybe daddy has a hard time trying to kick the habit.” He said in a mocking tone, taking a drag and I over dramatically rolled my eyes. “Or maybe he simply doesn’t want to.”

I noticed that his eyes were on my stomach and he was suddenly grinning. “Nice tummy.” He said.

“Oh hush…"I felt my face turning red and I zipped up my sweater. “Don’t make fun of me.”

“I’m not making fun of you.” He laughed. “I think it’s adorable.”

“Can we just get in the car?” I wanted so badly to change the subject.

We were both sitting quietly and listening to music on the way to the doctor’s office. Ezra turned up the radio, one of his favorite songs by Neil Young playing and he was humming along. I stared out the car window, lost in my thoughts.

“You’re awfully quiet this morning.” Ezra pointed out.

“I guess I just have a lot on my mind,” I shrugged.

“Yeah?” He turned the music slightly down.

I looked down at my hands that I realized were resting on my stomach. “Are you sure you don’t think it’s too early to start telling people?”

“Actually,” Ezra said, “I meant to tell you: I asked Josh and Lilah to meet us for lunch around 12:30. I figured we’d be finished by then. I told them about us and they’re really looking forward to meeting you.”

I was taken back. “What do you mean you told them about us? What all did you say?”

“Relax, I didn’t mention the baby.” His voice was a lot more calm and collected than I felt after hearing all of this. “I just told them that you’re a really good friend and that we’ve been spending a lot of time together lately…"

“Did you tell them we…ya know?”

He didn’t answer right away and I knew what that meant. “You told them?!”

“Only because they asked. Would you prefer it if I lied?”

I sighed. “I guess not. Well, then. That will make it a little less of a shocker when they hear that you knocked me up. But do we really have to tell them today?”

He chuckled. “Y/N, you’ve got a human being growing inside of you that is only going to keep on growing with each passing day. We can’t exactly keep it from people forever.”

“I know, I know,” I groaned. “I’m just nervous…”

“Believe me, you’re definitely not alone on that note.“ He said, as he pulled into the parking lot of the medical facility. ”Everything will work itself out though, alright?“

I felt tears run down my face and Ezra frowned, looking unsure of what to do. He just put his hand on my knee.

“S-sorry.” I blubbered. “Fuck, these hormones.”

He laughed. “It’s okay…You need a minute before we head inside?”

I shook my head and took a deep breath. “I’m fine. Let’s go…”

We were just on time and the nurse took us back right away. The nurse did a quick exam; she checked my blood pressure, my temperature, took my weight and height, listened to my heart and lungs and asked how I was feeling before telling us the doctor would be in shortly.

“Ah, I see dad is joining us today.” My doctor said, entering the room and smiling at Ezra, “Hello, I’m Dr. Campbell.”

“Ezra.” He suddenly seemed anxious, crossing his arms over his chest after shaking her hand.

“Alright ,Y/N. I have your chart here,” Dr. Campbell said, flipping through the papers the nurse had given her. “Everything looks great. Now, I’m sure you’re both very eager, so let’s get right to it. First we would like to do an ultrasound and then we can try to get a good listen to the baby’s heartbeat. Are we ready?“

I nodded and looked over at Ezra, who was looking back at me and gave me a nervous thumbs up.

The doctor set up the monitor and I slouched back, lifting up my shirt just enough so that my belly was exposed.

“Alright, this is going to be a little cold…” Dr. Campbell warned and she gently placed the doppler right underneath my belly button. “Come here…” I patted the bed as the cool gel touched my skin and Ezra sat down next to me. The three of us stared at the monitor, as she moved the doppler all over my slightly swollen stomach.

“There’s your baby.” She said after a minute.

Ezra and I stared in awe as she moved the dopler around. “There’s the baby’s head, the baby’s hands, the feet…” It was bizzare that the tiny blob on the screen actually resembled a little human being already. I looked up at Ezra, who had the biggest stupid grin spread across his face and I couldn’t help but laugh.

He took my hand in his and I felt butterflies in my stomach from the sweet gesture. He was very quiet and his eyes wouldn’t leave the screen.

“Just give me one second and we can see and hear your little one’s heart beat.” Dr. Campbell said, adjusting the dopler and she clicked a few buttons on the screen that zoomed in on the baby. Surely enough, we could see not only the baby and its movements much clearer, but we could see its little heart fluttering as well. She pressed another button on the monitor and adjusted the dopler slightly and suddenly the soft but fast sound of the baby’s heart beat filled the small room.

“Wow,” Ezra gasped. “Holy shit.”

“That’s our baby.” I giggled, squeezing his hand.

“How does everything look, doctor?” Ezra asked.

“Well, heart rate is currently at a very strong 171. Baby is measuring at a little over an inch long. Y/N, you’ve put on a few pounds since your first visit, which is excellent and you mentioned that the nausea is easing up a little. I’d say everything looks perfect. Just keep doing what you’re doing and your baby will continue to be happy and healthy.”

Despite every worry and stress that both of us knew this pregnancy would entail and had already entailed, we both felt completely happy and at ease in that very moment.