#I like the idea of constantly being up against these realities. Like with using certain heretical incantations

[death-rebirth-senshi]

Not to gush about my own characters again but I so adore the juxtaposition of the brutal look of the great stars as a weapon and the golden Erdtree armor. Poetic.

And patches is there because this was my first playthrough and I wasn't sure if I should join Volcano Manor immediately. Kind of unfortunate that you miss this encounter with him if you go to Volcano Manor immediately upon reaching Altus Plateau.

[fursasaida]

Hi! Just wanted to ask. How can I give my students assignments that are chat-gpt proof? Or that they won't just copy the answer without at least doing some editing?

Hi! So, I don't think anything is ChatGPT-proof. You fundamentally cannot stop people from using it to take a shortcut. You can't even stop them from copying the answer without editing it. However, I think you can work with this reality. So, you can do three things:

Don't be a cop about it.

If you make your objective "stop the children from using the thing to cheat," you are focusing on the wrong thing. You will be constantly scrutinizing every submission with suspicion, you will be accusing people of cheating--and some of them will not have cheated, and they will remember this forever--and you will be aiming at enforcement (which is trying to hold back the sea) instead of on inviting and supporting learning whenever and wherever possible. (I'll come back to this under item 2.)

Regarding why enforcement is holding back the sea: It is fundamentally rational for them to do this. We, who "love learning" (i.e. are good at what our academic system sees as learning, for various reasons have built our lives around that, happen to enjoy these activities), see everything they might cheat themselves of by doing it, because we know what we got out of doing this type of work. Many students, however--especially at the kind of school I teach at--are there to get the piece of paper that might, if they're lucky, allow them access to a relatively livable and stable income. The things that are wrong with this fact are structural and nothing to do with students' failings as people, or (tfuh) laziness, or whatever. We cannot make this not true (we can certainly try to push against it in certain ways, but that only goes so far). More pragmatically, chatgpt and similar are going to keep getting better, and detecting them is going to get harder, and your relationships with your students will be further and further damaged as you are forced to hound them more, suspect them more, falsely accuse more people, while also looking like an idiot because plenty of them will get away with it. A productive classroom requires trust. The trust goes both ways. Being a cop about this will destroy it in both directions.

So the first thing you have to do is really, truly accept that some of them are going to use it and you are not always going to know when they do. And when I say accept this, I mean you actually need to be ok with it. I find it helps to remember that the fact that a bot can produce writing to a standard that makes teachers worry means we have been teaching people to be shitty writers. I don't know that so much is lost if we devalue the 5-paragraph SAT essay and its brethren.

So the reason my policy is to say it's ok to use chatgpt or similar as long as you tell me so and give me some thinking about what you got from using it is that a) I am dropping the charade that we don't all know what's going on and thereby making it (pedagogical term) chill; b) I am modeling/suggesting that if you use it, it's a good idea to be critical about what it tells you (which I desperately want everyone to know in general, not just my students in a classroom); c) I am providing an invitation to learn from using chatgpt, rather than avoid learning by using it. Plenty of them won't take me up on that. That's fine (see item 3 below).

So ok, we have at least established the goal of coming at it from acceptance. Then what do you do at that point?

Think about what is unique to your class and your students and build assignments around that.

Assignments, of course, don't have to be simply "what did Author mean by Term" or "list the significant thingies." A prof I used to TA under gave students the option of interviewing a family member or friend about their experiences with public housing in the week we taught public housing. Someone I know who teaches a college biology class has an illustration-based assignment to draw in the artsier students who are in her class against their will. I used to have an extra-credit question that asked them to pick anything in the city that they thought might be some kind of clue about the past in that place, do some research about it, and tell me what they found out and how. (And that's how I learned how Canal St. got its name! Learning something you didn't know from a student's work is one of the greatest feelings there is.) One prompt I intend to use in this class will be something to the effect of, "Do you own anything--a t-shirt, a mug, a phone case--that has the outline of your city, state, or country on it? Why? How did you get it, and what does having this item with this symbol on it mean to you? Whether you personally have one or not, why do you think so many people own items like this?" (This is for political geography week, if anyone's wondering.)

These are all things that target students' personal interests and capabilities, the environments they live in, and their relationships within their communities. Chatgpt can fake that stuff, but not very well. My advisor intends to use prompts that refer directly to things he said in class or conversations that were had in class, rather than to a given reading, in hopes that that will also make it harder for chatgpt to fake well because it won't have the context. The more your class is designed around the specific institution you teach at and student body you serve, the easier that is to do. (Obviously, how possible that is is going to vary based on what you're teaching. When I taught Urban Studies using the city we all lived in as the example all through the semester, it was so easy to make everything very tailored to the students I had in that class that semester. That's not the same--or it doesn't work the same way--if you're teaching Shakespeare. But I know someone who performs monologues from the plays in class and has his students direct him and give him notes as a way of drawing them into the speech and its niceties of meaning. Chatgpt is never going to know what stage directions were given in that room. There are possibilities.) This is all, I guess, a long way of saying that you'll have a better time constructing assignments chatgpt will be bad at if you view your class as a particular situation, occurring only once (these people, this year), which is a situation that has the purpose of encouraging thought--rather than as an information-transfer mechanism. Of course information transfer happens, but that is not what I and my students are doing together here.

Now, they absolutely can plug this type of prompt into chatgpt. I've tried it myself. I asked it to give me a personal essay about the political geography prompt and a critical personal essay about the same thing. (I recommend doing this with your own prospective assignments! See what they'd get and whether it's something you'd grade highly. If it is, then change either the goal of the assignment or at least the prompt.) Both of them were decent if you are grading the miserable 5-paragraph essay. Both of them were garbage if you are looking for evidence of a person turning their attention for the first time to something they have taken for granted all their lives. Chatgpt has neither personality nor experiences, so it makes incredibly vague, general statements in the first person that are dull as dishwater and simply do not engage with what the prompt is really asking for. I already graded on "tell me what you think of this/how this relates to your life" in addition to "did you understand the reading," because what I care about is whether they're thinking. So students absolutely can and will plug that prompt into chatgpt and simply c/p the output. They just won't get high marks for it.

If they're fine with not getting high marks, then okay. For a lot of them this is an elective they're taking essentially at random to get that piece of paper; I'm not gonna knock the hustle, and (see item 1) I couldn't stop them if I wanted to. What I can do is try to make class time engaging, build relationships with them that make them feel good about telling me their thoughts, and present them with a variety of assignments that create opportunities for different strengths, points of interest, and ways into the material, in hopes of hooking as many different people in as many different ways as I can.

This brings me back to what I said about inviting learning. Because I have never yet in my life taught a course that was for people majoring in the subject, I long ago accepted that I cannot get everyone to engage with every concept, subject, or idea (or even most of them). All I can do is invite them to get interested in the thing at hand in every class, in every assignment, in every choice of reading, in every question I ask them. How frequently each person accepts these invitations (and which ones) is going to vary hugely. But I also accept that people often need to be invited more than once, and even if they don't want to go through the door I'm holding open for them right now, the fact that they were invited this time might make it more likely for them to go through it the next time it comes up, or the time after that. I'll never know what will come of all of these invitations, and that's great, actually. I don't want to make them care about everything I care about, or know everything I know. All I want is to offer them new ways to be curious.

Therefore: if they use chatgpt to refuse an invitation this week, fine. That would probably have happened anyway in a lot of cases even without chatgpt. But, just as before, I can snag some of those people's attention on one part of this module in class tomorrow. Some of them I'll get next time with a different type of assignment. Some of them I'll hook for a moment with a joke. I don't take the times that doesn't happen as failures. But the times that it does are all wins that are not diminished by the times it doesn't.

Actually try to think of ways to use chatgpt to promote learning.

I DREAM of the day I'm teaching something where it makes sense to have students edit an AI-written text. Editing is an incredible way to get better at writing. I could generate one in class and we could do it all together. I could give them a prompt, ask them to feed it into chatgpt, and ask them to turn in both what they got and some notes on how they think it could be better. I could give them a pretty traditional "In Text, Author says Thing. What did Author mean by that?" prompt, have them get an answer from chatgpt, and then ask them to fact-check it. Etc. All of these get them thinking about written communication and, incidentally, demonstrate the tool's limitations.

I'm sure there are and will be tons of much more creative ideas for how to incorporate chatgpt rather than fight it. (Once upon a time, the idea of letting students use calculators in math class was also scandalous to many teachers.) I have some geography-specific ideas for how to use image generation as well. When it comes specifically to teaching, I think it's a waste of time for us to be handwringing instead of applying ourselves to this question. I am well aware of the political and ethical problems with chatgpt, and that's something to discuss with, probably, more advanced students in a seminar setting. But we won't (per item 1) get very far simply insisting that Thing Bad and Thing Stupid. So how do we use it to invite learning? That's the question I'm interested in.

Finally, because tangential to your question: I think there's nothing wrong with bringing back more in-class writing and even oral exams (along with take-home assignments that appeal to strengths and interests other than expository writing as mentioned above). These assessments play to different strengths than written take-homes. For some students, that means they'll be harder or scarier; by the same token, for other students they'll be easier and more confidence-building. (Plus, "being able to think on your feet" is also a very good ~real-world skill~ to teach.) In the spirit of trying to offer as many ways in as possible, I think that kind of diversification in assignments is a perfectly good idea.

[variousqueerthings]

something very aromantic coded in s2 of good omens is that crowley and aziraphale canonically take their cues of what a certain kind of relationship ought to look like from books and films. firstly, very relatable, I did much the same thing throughout my teens (and in some ways still do although I'm not trying to make myself "fit" by taking cues that I've been studying to be the correct way to do a relationship, I just enjoy performing them in the same way all life is performance when you're not-doing-body-and-relationship-to-other-bodies correctly inherently)

secondly, how it plays out in them messing unintentionally with nina and maggie. they don't understand the structure of nina's and maggie's whole thing as it applies to the reality of relationship structures in the world they're in; that nina is initially in a romantic relationship and wouldn't just jump from it -- no matter how bad -- straight into another one that was presented as "more" correct. because of course standing under an awning or dancing at a ball makes people "fall in love" (whatever that is) because... well, that's how it happens in the stories all the time, that's what these sorts of relationships are all about, "one fabulous kiss and we're good" -- it's a shock to crowley that he misread all the cues "you were crying and she was..." isn't that what this romance thing is that humans are always talking about????

thirdly it of course eventually circles around to be about what in the world their relationship is, but when they're trying to figure out what's going on between the two of them, there aren't any words that can neatly sum it up beyond "us" -- whatever it is, it's "us" against "them" (although aziraphale isn't quite ready for that) -- the them being heaven and hell of course, but to be honest, from an aro perspective, the "them" takes on certain human connotations to me as well, because it's all about how these two don't fit into structures and are punished for this not-fitting-in, and while they're not punished by the humans around them, they also aren't... human. they still operate somewhat from the outside of everyone else, even though aziraphale manages throughout history to create a fair few connections from the sounds of things

similarly to how they do it to nina and maggie, they try on these tropes with one another: aziraphale invites crowley to dance, crowley kisses aziraphale, and it doesn't fit quite right (the first because crowley is concerned with all the demons outside and so isn't paying as much attention to the dancing part of the whole thing, and the second because [insert another bunch of analysis here that's its own post]), but they've already been us the whole time. their attempts at explaining using alloromantic shorthand fall short, because they're hampered by needing to define themselves and their relationship with terminology that's suitably correct for whatever dominant structures they're in

fourthly, the fact that their cues for what their relationship needs to be shouldn't even really be coming from movies/books and humanity in the first place, it should be coming from gabriel and beelzebub. gabriel and beelzebub don't even try all of that "this is what romance is," they don't call one another romantic or kiss or even say words like partner, they're not interested in doing human-based customs or "fitting in." their language for one another is based around that song, and that's as much defining as it needs. whatever aziraphale and crowley are to one another is equally all their own thing, but aziraphale and crowley struggle with definitions constantly. they don't fit into heaven, they don't fit into hell, and humanity -- while more the place they've adopted for all its wild wonders -- isn't quite right either, because they're still being put in a box

it was fun to look out for as I was rewatching, because the way they interacted with alloromanticism really did read like two people who have exactly zero idea of how this applies irl, but that's okay, the fiction's got it handled, all they have to do is copy-paste = result, but then the stuff that actually is the romance in those texts becomes a series of contextless tropes, kind of like how amatonormativity often has those exact same tropes recycled in story after story that can't figure out why it worked the first time but not the next hundred times, except in this story it's on purpose. one fabulous kiss did not in fact solve things at all (nor was it fabulous)

[poetryvampire]

Just curious but how do you think Zevlor would feel about non-tiefling reader, who has never seen a tieflings before, is just both fascinated by his infernal features & genuinely thought he's so handsome? Reader is shy around him that he misunderstood thinking reader is afraid of him, but later, he accidentally overheard reader being teased for being too shy to talk to him all because he's too attractive! Please tell me thoughts if you don't mind!

Dear sweet anon! I could swoon, I love that good shy mutual pining. Gets me every time. I was so taken with the idea it turned into a little fic. Let's goooo ✨

Zevlor x Gn Reader

Sft. Zevlor pines for you while trying to figure out how you might feel for him. With a bit of angst but it's mostly just cute.

Transfixed

After a winding jog through the woods Zevlor slows to an easy trot, letting out a long breath. He's weary in body and mind. Despite his hopes the gentle greenery had done little to calm his storming thoughts. He was certain his fears has turned reality and he had wronged you by his foolish actions.

The tiefling commander sat himself against a large elm tree, allowing another exasperated sigh to past his lips. He couldn't help but mull over the situation; to try and pin point where he had gone wrong or if he had any chance of fixing it.

Zevlor has a keen eye and was always acutely aware of your gaze. It wouldn't be the first time he'd gotten lingering stares from a non-tiefling. He understood that his dark eyes and curved horns could come off as a bit intimidating, especially to someone that's not used to his kind. Usually he would pay it little attention. But your eyes, they stayed with him.

It became a sort of game. One seemingly approved by the Gods themselves as the two of you crossed paths constantly. He would catch you, eyes locked on him and like every time they would dart away, a sweet blush rising to your cheeks. Zevlor had found himself transfixed by the sight of you, then suddenly you were the one catching him. Usually you'd turn away but if the stars alined just right you would hold his gaze. There was a wonderment in it that kept him up at night. Desperately he fought not to give into false hope but couldn't help but wonder if there was something more than mere curiosity behind those eyes. Those gorgeous eyes.

He had to test the waters. Carefully, little by little, he sought you out more often. It was always amiable, enjoyable even but you puzzled him still. Your voice may shake a little when you spoke yet you never sought to cut the conversation short. Your words were welcoming even if your gaze was down turned.

Zevlor plays back his every action in his mind. Could it be you were you shy by nature? Were you too polite to tell him to leave you be? Or did his presence truly make you uncomfortable?

He feared he had only made things worse a few days prior. You had passed him in a hurry only to drop a book full of loose papers that scattered all over the ground. Of course Zevlor knelt beside you in a instant to help. Your hands crashed together and you gasped practically jumping out of your skin. Fear struck his heart, thinking he may have hurt you.

"My deepest apologies, my dear. Please, let me see." Without thinking Zevlor grabbed your hand, running his fingers over it carefully, inspecting it for any cuts or scratches from his nails. There were none, just the softest skin he'd ever felt. He was drawn back to reality when he notes you're trembling ever so slightly.

"Are you alright?" He lifts he's eyes to yours only to be met with a sharp jab in his chest. Fear; It's unmistakable. Your eyes are brimming with it, full like a deer locked in place before some beast. He dropped your hand just then realizing how tightly he was gripping it.

"I- I'm sorry. I have to be going, C-commander." You forced out before you stood and practically sprinted away.

Zevlor drops his head in his hands, trying to discern the best path to take. Having had collected your book the first plan was to simply return it and offer an apology. But as the days passed he wonders if trying to smooth things over was just more foolishness. There was plenty of people he could pass the book on to and then he could leave you be. Not bother you again. He scolds himself for thinking you might have had any feelings for him other than fear.

The soft rustling of wind through leaves is broken by the sound of vibrant laughter.

"Oh, come on. You have to go!" It's a woman. A very familiar voice.

"But I don't want to make it weird if it's a tiefling holiday thing. I don't want to crash the party."

It was you. Zevlor bolted up peaking around the elm. There, through a small thicket of trees he spied two figures walking leisurely. It was you and Lia, a fellow teifling he had occasionally seen you in the company of.

"Oh please. It's nothing like that, just a little get together. C'mon it'll be fun." Lia pleaded.

The sabbath celebration was that evening, wasn't it? It had completely slipped Zevlor's mind.

"Oh, I don't know."

"You know all of us are going. Everyone's gonna be there. Including Zevlor.' Lia practically sang out.

"No! Don't say that." You gasp. "Now I definitely can't go."

Zevlor would have gladly taken being thrown from his horse over the gut punch of your words. It was his own fault for listening to a private conversation and for letting his mind be over come with the thought of you. Defeated, he turned to leave as silently as he could.

"You're mad. Just talk to him."

"You don't understand, I can't just talk to someone like him. He's far too handsome."

Zevlor nearly tripped, his body halting him before his brain could process the words. Surely he misheard you.

Lia's laugh filled the forest. "You're so ridiculous. Just come tonight, have a glass of wine with him. I'm sure he'd like that."

His heart hammers. Yes, he'd like that quite a bit. More than anything he could think of at the moment.

"But I always make such a fool of myself in front of him. It's like I see him and my brain just goes all stupid." You sigh.

"You're not that bad. Besides you talk to Dammon just fine." She teases.

"He's different. Yeah he's attractive but he's not ~Zevlor~"

His name rolls off your tongue so sweetly. A breath escapes his lips didn't realize he was holding in.

"Admit it, it's the infernal features. We really are stunning, aren't we." Lia jokes.

"You are! Really you're all so beautiful." there's such an honesty in your words. "But Zevlor's so handsome. It's just all so striking. His skin is such a perfect shade of red and those eyes just transfix me. I feel my whole body's burning when he looks at me. And those horns! They're so large and well shaped. Gods I want to touch them."

"Speak to him like that and I'm sure he'd let you touch a lot of things."

"Hush." You laugh. "You think so?"

There's a smile on your lips, Zevlor's sure of it by the warmth in your voice. He's in a dream, it's the only answer.

"Oh, commander!" Lia teases, dramatically. " I feel so safe with those great big horns of yours! Won't you walk me home?"

"Shut up! It's not just that you know. He's also well spoken and he seems so brave and dutiful. He's such a gentleman. I wish I could just how amazing he is. How he makes me feel so..." You trail off, lost in thought.

"That settles it. Let's go get ready. We're going to that party."

Your hurried voices fade leaving Zevlor with the sound of his heart pounding. Thoughts rushed his mind telling him this couldn't be. That somehow he misunderstood. As unbelievable as it felt he knew what he heard.

Handsome. His infernal features in all. That was something the tiefling commander never considered himself. He couldn't stop the smile pulling at his lips. He's overwhelmed and ecstatic all at once. His mind is not free from doubt but your words set a new courage ablaze in his heart.

Zevlor had tried his best to push the fullness of his desire for you away but if your feelings were the same he had to act. For both your sakes he would seek you out that night. The misunderstanding would be mended and perhaps some relief offered to your longing.

~ 💜💓💜

[max1461]

So, many people take for granted that there has been a huge increase in the prevalence of egalitarian and pacifistic ideals over the last few centuries. I don't actually know if this is true. It certainly looks true on shorter timescales, e.g. the world seems to me more egalitarian today than it was 1000 years ago, but I'm really not sure how we'd evaluate it on longer timescales. Are we more egalitarian on average than 20,000 years ago? I have no idea. I think it's clear from the archeological evidence, though, that society is much less violent than it was 20,000 ago, so at least that gain can be sort of confidently claimed.

And the question, then, is... why? My first pass at an answer would be technology; because of technology we live lives less governed by fear an want, and thus can afford to be kinder to one another. We have material security that we once lacked, and in light of this security, fiercely guarding what little we have is less necessary. Or something in that vicinity. But I think there's also possibly another effect, that of mass trauma. I believe @tanadrin suggested this in a post somewhere. If you're living in a world where 4/5 of your siblings died in childhood, where people around you are constantly at risk of death by a simply infection or the common cold, where the majority of your own children will likely die... I think that's likely to really mess you up, by modern standards. Make you far less sensitive to death and suffering—because, you know, you have to be.

Anyway, I think this is reflected in the way many historical texts talk so cavalierly about death and killing. To me, and to I think a lot of people today, losing someone we care about is unimaginably painful. But if you listen to the way death is talked about in e.g. the Norse sagas, it's discussed as a practical inconvenience, a financial burden, an affront to the ego. But a tragedy? Almost never. Because, I suspect, you can't consider something a tragedy if it's happened to you time and time again, and also to everyone you know and everyone you've every heard about forever. At that points, it's just life.

I have two points here. One is that this is a parable against falling into the naturalistic fallacy. There are many struggles that we today consider "just a part of life", that people are reflexively dismissive of trying to alleviate with technology. But for most of human history, this same thing could be said of massive child mortality. Now that we have the benefit, at least in the developed world, or not having to deal with that, we can recognize it for the horrific tragedy that it was. We can recognize it for the horribly traumatic thing that it was, this thing that filled everyone's life with needless suffering for centuries upon centuries. When medical technology allows us to e.g. prevent natural aging, I am nearly certain we will look back on it the same way. We will wonder "how did they all get by, knowing they had so little time on Earth, knowing the approximate age of their own death?" And the answer will be twofold: "they just did" and "they really didn't".

The other point is that this all suggests against the narrative that suffering makes one virtuous. I think the reality, as hard a pill as it may be to swallow, is nearly the opposite: comfort and luxury make people more virtuous. The greatest source of hate and anger in the world, I strongly suspect, is fear, and being free from fear allows one to be free from hate and anger in a way that the fearful are going to have a far harder time doing. As far as it goes, through the various ups and downs in my own life, this has been my experience to a tee. I think @balioc suggested something like this somewhere, and while I think they went a bit too far (I have definitely received some benefits to virtue from the harder times in my life, namely a strongly increased desire to ameliorate similar conditions for others), I think the gist of their idea ("struggle often makes you a worse person") is pretty accurate. It's not always true, but it certainly seems to be true a fair amount of the time.

I suspect that the idea that luxury corrupts is mostly a selection effect: that is, in a harshly competitive society, the people most able to win luxury for themselves are likely to be the most ruthless. So it appears that the luxury is causing the evil, when in reality the causality is exactly opposite. At least, that would be my guess.

Overall this paints a rather grim picture of the human experience. Suffering makes us less kind, most of us are condemned to suffering, and those most likely to escape it are those who were least kind to begin with. And I'd really like to hear from anyone who's had a different experience, who feels they're a better person for the hardships in their life, because that has really not been mine.

I don't know where I'm going with this. A dose of pessimism to cut the usual utopian-optimism of this blog. I suppose I think these features of the human condition are fundamentally escapable, and that's cause to feel good. But in order to escape our problems we first have to understand them, so, here's been one attempt to do that.

[agomeangelcat]

I see your iseki reader and I raise you an iseki reader with an existential crisis that tells the crew they are from earth but never tells them that they are in a fictional universe and she knows everything about them, but she constantly questioning her existence, did she die and this is a fucked up version of heaven? Is multiunverse theory actually true? If she’s here then did she fucked up the timeline? Will she one day just blip out of existence when the universe fixes itself? Or is this just a crazy dream she’s trying to wake up from? I mean imagine looking at people and knowing they don’t actually exist even tho you can see and touch them, they are nothing more than pawns to move the plot forward. And hearing knives talk about how he’s supierior to all humans makes her wanna laugh cause god he don’t know the knowledge she has in her head, that’s he’s just simply the antagonist of a story. Maybe that’s why she not scared of death, she believes she’s already dead or technically don’t exist cause she doesn’t belong in this world. She knows the truth of this world but she can’t say anything cause she just seem crazy. Sometimes the gang would catch her gazing at them with a creepy look in her eyes, like she’s looking thru their souls, like she knows all their secrets. But that’s impossible, she can’t know something like that. It’s also weird she seems oddly calm when shit hits the fan. Like she knew this was gonna happen. Wolfwood starts to think she’s a spy like him sent to kill vash but he’s conflicted if he should defend vash or complete his job, but she seems weak and has no weapon so is she really a spy?

OKAY! As I have two Trigun ocs, the most current one is the one I got inspired to make Isekai Y/N.

I imagine it was something like a very large scale accident, an explosion or a human extinction level tragedy but for some was not just an accident.

Y/N wasn't the most shine soul in earth probably a weird nerd with lots of self doubts and "no porpouse in life".

I was inspired a lot by the part of Y/N may be dead but alive, Schrödinger Cat energy, but with the help of some entity they were reborn in another universe, and they weren't the only one to get that blessing, and they all got some kind of ability when being transported, cosmic horror shit.

The idea of ​​how Y/N's body is not used to the drastic change of reality and universe they probably has loud panic attacks or even visible moments of anguish, something that for the people around can be scary to witness.

Y/N probably has powers similar to Eleven or Tatsumi, but they don't know how to control it or at least know what the hell to do with so much power, besides it hurts physically, as i said, their not used to any of that, blood nose.

Homesickness, a lots of it.

It's the: ​​"you're reborn you have powers, but you don't have a purpose, good luck in your Journey." for me.

Thanks to Y/N's doubts they sometimes have moments when their body fails like a glitch, probably because they don't accept their new life or doubt their existence there, needless to say it scares the soul out of everyone in the group when it happens.

For Wolfwood I imagine Y/N standing in front of the punisher when threatened by him, with their hands in surrender as if to say "Shoot", Wolfwood and Y/N are enemies to rivals to confused asf.

About Knives I imagine Y/N using their telekinesis for the first time, against his many knives without fear of dying! And everyone is like: DAFUCK!?

To Vash's horror, Y/N is kind but lacking in self-preservation, and throws themself into more dangerous situations than Vash himself.

Thanks to their knowledge of the Trigun world Y/N know certain enemies' weaknesses without having to kill them, Happy Vash noises.

The Plants know about Y/N and the others who were Isekaid.

[thatdebaterguy]

I am Isrseli. About a month after the 7th, I think I began using a tag "Free Palestine Movement is a Death Cult".

Very early on I think I pinpointed a few very concerning characteristics of the movement: be is indoctrination, "do and don't do", the listingings upon listingings of "acts" that will brand touch as good and deserving". Came across one aimed specifically at minors that has elements of "authority/parents/teachers at school are not on your side". A very hard element of "saviors", absolute "baddy" vs absolute "goodie".

Who to dismiss and brand as guilty of hindering achievement of "the cause".

There is a very strong element of charity for a cause. And ao many other lines of cult like behavior that I am not sure I manage to pinpoint right now, but it's there.

But the most striking element, that really cements this, is that this is an unachievable cause by design. You can't "Free" Palestine. It has no strategy, no boundaries. It's not a goal. Not an achievable goal. It is such by design, for people to throw themselves at, to beat themselves about, to despair about, to throw away emotional labor, and money at, and to never achieve a thing.

It is deliberately tied to each and every possible so called humanitarian cause on the globe, derailing them. It is designed to cultivate a bedrock for recruitment, be it intentional or not.

It sicks in people, as far as I can see, that have a sense of purpose they have nowhere to ahhh go about. How do I even put it into words. Apart from the obvious bullies, I cab say for sure: people tgat are looking for a sense of purpose. That are lacking such on their lives, they are fractured in identity and belonging.

Wr have seen this before. We, Israeli, saw this before. The suicidal trajectory of the intifadas and the Jihad, they are cultivated atop ideologically infused mysery and despair. The more miserable the better. It works just tge same as any other cult.

And if in 2 years time tops, an acne riddles girl with pink hair blows herself up on a subway screaming "For Palestine" I would not be surprised.

This is genuinely a depressing reality with the way media works in the modern age, and it's a whole new way of pushing agenda and propaganda, and I'm sure in the future the methods used on social media will be studied because it's far different from any wars going on at this moment, or in history. One technique I've noticed is one that's taken straight from the playground, and it's like "if you don't like this, you can't play with us" and I've seen this predominantly in the LGBT community or certain fanbases, with posts like "You aren't queer if you don't support Palestine" and just immense social pressure to pick one side or the other, as if being neutral is social suicide. And I honestly have yet to see a post saying "You're anti-Semitic if you don't support Israel". I'm sure it exists somewhere honestly, but it's far more prominent for Palestine. Another thing that really pushes this idea is the complete lack of attention for various other wars going on or issues globally. Currently in Afghanistan, years of attempts to push some level of equality for women are being reversed in months, but I haven't heard anyone crying out for equality in Afghanistan. I've also seen no Palestine supporters in the west protesting against Egypt's blockades of aid to Gaza, and their refusal to accept any refugees, despite the fact Gazans were legally Egyptian until the 80s, making it seem like a complete u-turn from embracing Gazans as brothers and sisters, to ignoring their calls for action entirely.

As for your last comment, that's a scary thought. I somewhat doubt that'll happen unless Israel wins the war overwhelmingly and people stop talking about Palestine, cause while I know many of the supporters for Palestine, especially on tumblr, have some obsession with pushing Palestinian agenda constantly and making it part of their identity somehow, it's very similar to the people in America going "I hate America" but refusing to try make any actual good changes, refusing to even consider leaving the country, I feel like these Palestine supporters will hop on another trend when the war in Palestine grinds to a halt.

What's curious is how 99.9% of them have only joined in after this most recent war, despite the fact there were skirmishes just a few years ago so it isn't an age thing, people weren't too young to know what was going on when that previous conflict occurred, and I think it's generally because once again Hamas instigated it, hurling a few dozen rockets at apartment buildings in Tel Aviv, but when Hamas targets civilians and Israel doesn't retaliate strongly, no one seems to bat an eye. It's like once a movement starts spreading the way this one did, with a mob mentality and where 99% of the people in the movement have done little to no historical research on the conflict, it becomes a dangerous thing having so many people believing in something so much simply because of how many people they feel like they can relate to, have also supported this cause, rather than supporting it due to logic or reasoning.

The person I responded to before this is a prime example of the 1% who actually do research and are willing to hear out the other side in a civil discussion because they use logic rather than just believing mass media and being almost bullied into supporting Palestine. The sad thing is, the people who did research that support Palestine are very unlikely to call out the mass indoctrination of beliefs and agenda-pushing that's been done, because it benefits their cause, so they won't call out how immoral and disingenuous it is.

But yeah some people follow this thing like a cult, intermixing it with their personal lives. To me it's always been clear to have an obvious line between personal and political unless you're a politician, where you can use your personal life to benefit your political standing if used well, hence why I limit my posts about hobbies to very rarely, since tumblr is a social media after all. But the amount of obsessing over this conflict really seems to indicate a lack of previous meaning or purpose, lack of motivation, and desperation to feel included in something, from a psychological point of view, rather than forming opinions based on information. There is a few people who support Israel cause they don't wanna appear anti-Semitic, but from what I've analysed, it's much more in the minority when compared to Palestine supporters. As for the ones who actually do their research, thank you for not being brainwashed into a cause, and being logical. Even if we're on different sides, at least we can both say we used our brains rather than be bullied into believing something.

[midknightwritings]

Knights and their S/O as Ghost Hunters

Synopsis : What would the members of Knights be like with their S/O if they were in Buzzfeed Unsolved ??

Era : N / A

Warning/s : Swearing

Mentioned Character/s : G/N!Reader / Tsukasa / Leo / Izumi / Arashi / Ritsu

A/N : I have no excuse for this one. I just think it’s funny af to imagine Knights in Shane and Ryan's shoes LMAO

At the end of each of their sections, I added a summary and link to a Buzzfeed Unsolved moment that sums up the dynamics I imagined the best !! I originally wanted to label who's who for Shane and Ryan but I decided against it to let you decide~ Anyways !! I totally recommend actually watching the videos because they’re so funny LMAO

Please just remember that the show focuses on unsolved mysteries and the supernatural before you watch the links !!

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

Tsukasa Suou :

Tsukasa’s secretly a believer in certain ideas but tries his hardest to pretend that he’s a complete skeptic and it’s honestly adorable but, at the same time, he’s really easy to tease. [ Which you do constantly. ]

He’s also the type to use logic to decipher certain phenomena and he knows his history well !! If you don’t stop him he’ll end up verbally reciting an entire history essay WAIT- IS HE RECITING A WORK CITED SECTION TOO ?! HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIB-

Tsukasa always brings snacks to your investigations. He’ll try to bring a variety if you’re not into sweets and would seemingly hand them to you at random points in time. So, most of your investigations consist of the two of you sweeping an area with half empty bags of snacks in your hands.

He tries to act as your knight in shining armor but you can sometimes catch him jumping a bit in surprise if he’s caught off guard. He’d explain that he’s tense because he’s ready to protect you from danger. [ Which is true !! At the same time though, he’s also scared but he’ll never expose himself like that... ]

Tsukasa’s view on respect also extends to spirits or supernatural beings, so he’d be the one that’s stopping you from taunting them. He’ll scold you depending on what you say but if you’re friendly, then he wouldn’t say anything. Just don’t go around announcing your, or his, address and he’ll let you say whatever you want.

He wouldn’t like the idea of sleeping overnight in a haunted building but if it’s for the sake of the investigation he’ll suck it up and do it. He isn’t used to sleeping in these sort of places but he doesn’t mind as long as you’re both together. Depending on the building, he’d either unintentionally pull an all nighter to make sure you're safe or would snuggle up close to you for comfort.

You both know each other so well that you can pretty much figure out what the other truly thinks or what they would say next. So, sometimes, Tsukasa would call you out on something when he knows for a fact that you're sugarcoating your explanation / reason.

Buzzfeed Unsolved moment that represents your dynamic :

Summary of the scene : Shane tries to sugarcoat his love for a certain theory before Ryan immediately cuts him off with the actual reason, which was the fact that Shane likes the idea of someone getting eaten by crabs.

Click the timestamp to watch it: 14:38 - 14:56

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

Leo Tsukinaga :

Leo believes in aliens so it’s not too farfetched to say that he’s open to the idea of ghosts existing too right? He isn’t as vocal about it compared to his belief in aliens but, at the same time, he will jump if he hears a sound from the empty hallway.

You both have the goofiest dynamic ever. Always joking around, you both seemingly turn the scariest situation into something so comedic that it’s a surprise that you didn’t ruin any of the antique items with your tears from how hard you’ve both been laughing.

You’re more "grounded in reality" compared to Leo in some situations though, as he tends to come up with very fantastical explanations to certain mysteries. Though, there is the off-chance situation where one of his ideas could theoretically work.

You both have a non-spoken game where you try to scare each other throughout your investigations. Whoever scares the other the most wins !! It makes your investigations a bit more bearable but, at the same time, it desensitized you both to actual evidence when they happen. This desensitization helps you filter out possible reasons, real or supernatural, a lot better so you can think of that as a benefit !!

Leo will definitely try to befriend the spirits, saying things like;

“Ah, yes I remember Wahaha~! Hey spirits~ There’s this really cool food stall I know you’ll love near my house at-” “DON’T TELL THEM YOUR ADDRESS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

You always bring extra notebooks and pens because if you didn’t, you’d be holding Leo back from vandalizing the area when inspiration hits [ which happens; Every. Single. Time, during an investigation. ] He always says, “but the spirits wanna have fun too~” If you couldn't bring any notebooks, or Leo finished them, you both came to an agreement that he’ll scribble on your arms instead. So yes… Now you’re basically walking around dressed up as a sheet music.

Doesn’t really mind sleeping overnight in a haunted building because he thinks of it as a sleepover~ Though, most of the time, he’s so excited that he ends up pulling an all-nighter. He’d either make you pull one too or you somehow fell asleep before he could’ve tried to persuade you. With the latter, he’d lower his voice and either snuggle close to you or gently move your head so that it's resting on his lap; and with that, he’ll gently play with your hair while humming a quiet lullaby.

Buzzfeed Unsolved moment that represents your dynamic :

Summary of the scene : Shane and Ryan laughing at the thought of someone pooping himself in his final performance before dying.

Click the timestamp to watch it : 3:28 - 4:51

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

Izumi Sena :

Izumi’s a skeptic who unintentionally acts like a believer, you can’t convince me otherwise. He acts all cool and brushes things off as "just the wind" but at the same time, he’s internally shitting his pants every time he’s remotely alone during your investigations. You tease him into oblivion because of this.

90% of your investigations are just you messing around with Izumi whether it’d be randomly jumpscaring him, telling him to go somewhere alone, or just pretending that you saw something to try and get a reaction out of him. [ Though, he’s numb to the last one since he knows that you’re just bullshitting at this point. ]

Izumi quietly talks to himself to psyche himself up when he’s doing a solo investigation. Just don’t bring it up to him because he WILL deny it, saying things like; “This is so~annoying and completely pointless !! None of this is scary at all !!” [ Spoiler alert : That was him psyching himself up to open the basement door. ]

He thinks that abandoned places are gross because they weren't cleaned and would complain about it for the entire duration of your investigation. Even with that though, Izumi’s the first one to dust off any debris that he notices on you and in return, you do the same for him. Assuming he didn’t dust himself off for the 30th time in the last 5 minutes.

Speaking about hating abandoned buildings, the amount of preparation you need to do if you want to sleep overnight in a haunted one is honestly more stressful than the actual sleeping itself. This is because, Izumi will absolutely not sleep on some dirty, musty old floor. You had to limit your overnight stays to haunted houses that have actual beds which decreased your choices by a lot but at least you get the bonus benefit of sharing a bed !! So free cuddles woooo~!!

When it comes to evidence though, Izumi’s skepticism kicks in at full force. He always comes up with logical explanations to certain phenomena and even provides real-world evidence to strengthen his claims.

The banter between you two is honestly hilarious because, most of the time, it’s just the two of you spitting insults at each other. You both know you don’t mean anything you actually said so none of you take anything to heart.

Buzzfeed Unsolved moment that represents your dynamic :

Summary of the scene : Ryan's exploring a dark, empty area by himself, complaining about his current predicament, before getting jumpscared by Shane who crawled out of an empty hallway in a low growl. Ryan cusses him out afterwards while Shane just laughs at him.

Click the timestamp to watch it : 12:06 - 12:54

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

Arashi Narukami :

Arashi leans towards the skeptic side and doesn’t really believe in the supernatural but she’s the one that tends to “protect” you during your investigations. Her teasing is more like her calling out your reactions, saying that you’re adorable rather than actually trying to jumpscare you. [ She wouldn’t stoop that low~ ]

A lot of impromptu acting. You both vibe so well together that you can both just, “get into" character and develop them on the spot, all the while bouncing ideas off each other. It’s really impressive and funny at the same time !!

She’s really good at moving around the space and would often hold your hand / tell you to mind your step if she sees something that she thinks you might trip on. Especially since it’s so dark, she helps the two of you navigate the area. Sometimes she carries you bridal style while you’re the one holding the flashlight <3

She isn’t too keen on the whole “sleeping in a haunted building” idea because it’s either dirty and abandoned, which isn’t good for both your healths, or because she’s worried for you. She doesn’t want you to be scared so, if you both decide to actually stay somewhere overnight… Firstly, it’s most likely in a haunted house with beds [ Arashi doesn’t want you to get sick because of the dust and trash laying around ], and secondly, Arashi would constantly remind you that she’ll protect you <3 You’ll fall asleep safely wrapped in her arms~

She takes every single piece of evidence with a grain of salt but at the same time, she would also joke about certain ideas and theories. [ Especially if she thinks that those said theories are dumb or just too farfetched. ]

Arashi secretly wants you to overcome your fears but, at the same time, she wouldn’t force you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. If you do decide to go out of your comfort zone, she’s so supportive and praises you for your bravery. She’ll even pepper your face with congratulatory kisses in the end !! Since then, you'd constantly try to push yourself out of your comfort zone just for her kisses. [ Honestly, I can’t blame you cuz I’d do the same thing too~ ]

She isn’t the type to taunt the spirits into showing themselves but she’s also not the type to be friendly with them either. So, depending on how you act, she’ll purposefully be the opposite to balance things out and release any tension from the situation. Arashi wouldn’t be that extreme though, so she often reminds you to tone it down a bit~

Buzzfeed Unsolved moment that represents your dynamic :

Summary of the scene : Shane and Ryan talks about a certain crime technique from the past and explains it in a cartoonish way before breaking into overly-comical characters on the spot.

Click the timestamp to watch it : 15:22 - 16:00

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

Ritsu Sakuma :

Ritsu may be a vampire but he acts like the biggest skeptic out there and honestly, he will not hesitate to tease you the entire time during your investigations.

You seriously can’t catch a break with him. He’s so nonchalant about everything that, at this point, you believe that the ghosts are afraid of him and not the other way around !!

His skepticism knows no bounds, and he will always come up with the most “grounded in reality” reason for everything. "It must be the sound of shoes squeaking", "The forest is pretty loud at night~", "That's just gravity", etc; and yes, he also despises the spirit box because it’s way too loud and it hurts his ears.

Ritsu will not hesitate to fight a ghost. Every time you enter an investigation area, the first thing Ritsu announces is the fact that he’s willing to fight anything here. He also taunts them to no end saying things like, “I didn’t get a good nap before this so you definitely have a chance to give me a papercut~”

“That’s so photoshopped,” is his signature catchphrase for any visual evidence you find and if the age / texture of the photo itself proves that it’s basically impossible for it to be edited, he would say; “It looks like shit… So, I don’t care what anybody says about it.”

He will try to push you out of your comfort zone for “the sake of the investigation” by telling you to do things or go to areas that you wouldn’t possibly ever wanted to in the first place. Such requests include taunting the spirits, closing your flashlight for 5 minutes, separating from each other for a few minutes to see if anything pops up, etc.

Ritsu honestly wouldn’t mind sleeping in any haunted building. As long as he has a sleeping bag and a pillow, he’s all good to go. He’s asleep the moment he closes his eyes while you’re still rolling around trying to get comfortable. If you unintentionally wake him up from your movements, he’d just pull you in and cuddle you like a pillow. You can’t escape his grasps once that happens~

Buzzfeed Unsolved moment that represents your dynamic :

Summary of the scene : Ryan's too scared to investigate the top of the stairs and Shane's pushing him to do so, saying that the investigation will be a failure if he didn't go all the way up. Ryan's excuses starts to become comically extreme and Shane says "that's fine" to all of them... "As long as you goes all the way up."

Click the timestamp to watch it : 7:22 - 7:55

[ I'm not too sure which episode this scene was from so if you know, please let me know so I can link the original <3 ]

[mountain-lion-gremlin]

So yes, im coming up on the end of my detox. During this time, ive actually learned a LOT because simply, im not glued to my phone 24/7.

Society pushes this idea that we NEED phones. That without your portable dopamine box you arent cool, or normal, or whatever the hell they choose to say.

Ive found clarity in my life. Ive focused more on my witchcraft and learning the craft itself. Ive danced in the rain and felt the rhythm of the earth, its heart beating beneath my feet. Ive started to learn Finnish even better than before, and my studies on homework have become so much easier because im not as distracted.

If it was up to me, i would never go back to being glued to my dopamine box. But...

If anyone who is following me and knows of my Amino, Ive been gone from it for awhile now. I worry that certain rules arent being enforced, or its becoming a hateful place. I left it in the hands of my staff, of course, but i still worry...

But regardless, Ill see if I can get an app that allows me to run mobile apps on my computer. I dont want to go back to using my phone unless i have to.

(Keep reading if you wanna see what I have to say about shapeshifting and stuff. I dont want this post to be eons of scrolling to those who dont want to read about it.)

Now, onto the important stuff that people might be asking me.

"Rio, did you fully m-shift and achieve your goals of shifting???" Well... no. Sadly.

Life has been really hectic, so Ive been focusing on the important, human stuff in my life, and have been struggling with balancing the important, animal stuff in my life. Im not going to lie, its easier to do now than it was before, but I still have to put effort into it.

With p-shifting, well... recently Ive been reading a lot of hate on p-shifting in general, how its wrong, how much actual stigma surrounds it, and im in a ditch when it comes to believing it will actually happen. Ive watered down my beliefs so many times for others online recently, that im questioning that they are true.

I know that they arent true. But, I know for a fact that even if I never p-shift, I will still be happy being who I am. Its a constant itch, and constant scratch to be who I really am, but I honestly believe that even if I never do p-shift, I will never stop being here, being a shifter and being happy.

In the end thats all its really about, seriously. Arent we just trying to be happy with ourselves, our identity, our lives? It hurts to even go a step outside of the shifting community, and see hours and hours of people talking about how horrible it is, how manipulative, how impossible it is. It makes me want to hide again in my little bubble and forget I ever saw it.

But it brings a sort of... clarity I guess? Many people who have never been apart of the community or have even ventured in will say "its impossible to do".

People who have been hurt, or have seen the hurt caused by misinformation and misguidance of shapeshifting will almost always say "p-shifting is manipulative, horrible, the people within it are blah blah blah blah blah...."

People who are apart of it but havent p-shifted will say "Ive seen so many success stories, Ive even seen my own progress with it and im really happy" And people who have shifted... well they either disappear quite quickly, or their stories are lost to deaf ears.

And after years and years of feeling like I have to fight against these people, show how I am, show the truth and understand it all... I feel domesticated by the reality that is always, constantly shoved in my face.

Nobody cares. Im trapped within society and I cant escape. I will never be free. I will never, ever be my animal. I am delusional for even believing it.

vitut.

I know that currently in my life, I am where I am. I cannot change it, because I am not old enough to. I know that I have and must make do with what I have, instead of wishing for things I do not have. Cougars are adaptable, we are survivors and change with our enviornment.

There will ALWAYS be time to be who I am. There will always be chance after chance after chance for me, I just have to grab it.

And ive noticed that I no longer have to force every single m-shift. It feels like just thinking about it, about mountain lions causes a shift. Ive gotten so comfortable in my living situation ive been vocalizing as my animal, jumping around on all fours and feeling like my animal.

Sometimes I worry that Ive become so obsessed with trying to m-shift that Ive forgotten that theres still more beyond it. While writing this post, I feel... excited for my future. I feel like p-shifting can happen to me. I feel like I am almost close to permanently m-shifting.

And let me tell you a little secret about m-shifting.

(There is no trigger for when you permanently m-shift. There is no way to actually know by just reading what others say it feels like. There is no actual way to do it.)

Permanently m-shifting to me, simply feels like a comfortableness with my animal. It feels safe, and okay to be who I am. And personally for me, after years of m-shifting, trust is what has brought me to where I am. (This might not be the case for everyone lol, figure out whats going on with yourself instead of using what I say to be the end all for you and your problems!) I was honestly afraid of my other side. That it was dangerous, wild, would hurt someone. I was also afraid that I would never actually get here and do this, because my mental shifts arent as strong or frequent as others. I was also afraid that it wouldnt work. So, so afraid that I would mess up and fail.

But I've learnt that... I am in control of myself. And being an animal IS myself. I have the control to be safe, and not harm others. We all do. Its an idea that has been presented to us through media, stigma, ableism and society itself. We always talk of people "losing control" or "flying off the handle". Werewolves are seen as beings who will rip your face off if they get mad.

We arent like that, you know that, right? I had to trust that I would be in control of my m-shifts. And even if my control has slipped, (such as when I had an m-flare in the middle of gym class) I was able to quickly recover because it wasnt appropriate at school to start running on all fours and hiding beneath the bleachers.

Ive also learnt that no, you cannot fail while m-shifting. There is no right or wrong way to m-shift. There is no way to fail an m-shift. M-shifting is just allowing yourself to be more animal-like, allowing your animal to be safe and comfortable with itself. Its complicated to explain the connection between our animal selves, and our human selves, but the most basic (not too accurate) way to explain it is that we are each other. You are your animal, and your animal is you. As you m-shift more this makes more sense, and you find your own meaning to what your connection, and your animal's connection is.

Regardless, even if I took breaks. Even if I wasnt dedicated, or spent all of my time m-shifting. I still am getting closer. What matters is the fact that you still care about it, and will do it when you can. Its unrealistic to believe someone could constantly be m-shifting actively, most circumstances make it very hard to do so. (Especially mine. I have divorced houses, 2 AP classes im taking, problematic siblings, responsibilities...)

It feels like learning a new language in a sense. Like, to m-shift is to constantly m-shift. To learn a new language is to constantly immerse yourself in it. Well... we cant really do that, so instead we go with short bursts of doing this, with interspersed passive learning, or attempting to m-shift when we can.

And nobody is barred from m-shifting. Let me let you know. NOBODY IS BARRED FROM M-SHIFTING!! Some people I know feel stuck, like they cannot m-shift. That its only involuntary. Listen. Listen listen listen.

There are many different ways to m-shift. So many!! Lots of people say "I cant meditate, and so ill never m-shift." Thats NOT true. Thats not true. I literally cant meditate lol.

And its not really attempting to voluntarily force a shift using triggers and stuff. I just think about it and try to feel more immersed in my senses, allow my perspective of life to shift more animal-like. AND, m-shifts do NOT have to be large, explosive things that change your whole reality and how you think and you want to crawl on all fours and you feel yourself p-shifting and fur-

Nah nah nah. Most shifts people will experience, at least how i know it, will be small, tiny shifts that you most likely wont notice unless you pay attention to it. Even if you arent trying to m-shift in the moment, even thinking about it may cause you to fall into a light shift. You do not need to have very impactful m-shifts to m-shift.

And I wont lie, my friend @dakotathewolf has helped me a lot, even with the endless ramblings on both ends (lol) I feel like we have both grown as people and understand more because of what we have taught each other.

I hope this helps you, dakota, along with anyone else who needs it.

[mcalhenwrites]

It has always been very hard for me to talk about my childhood abuse. I can only somewhat do it now. I mostly just dump all that trauma right into a character. It's easier to deal with that in fiction rather than talk about the reality of it, particularly when I feel - and I'm surely not alone in this - like I can't change it. It happens to so many of us. It's so normalized! Abusive childhood details ahead but when I wrote Adversary, I created a society that punished children in various ways. One of them was to throw them in a religious maze with terrifying depictions painted on the walls at night so that the child had to figure out how to light the pitch black maze with candles. Each candle had a color and needed to be lit in a certain order. (Some kids memorize this, but yeah.) That comes from my mom getting upset at me for having a tantrum when I was four, and when we got home, she shut me in the car and went inside. It was pouring rain. I had no idea how to get out. I figured out locks that day - this was a long time ago, so we didn't have electronic locking systems or alarms. In fact, the car was old (poor family) so it didn't have electronic windows either. When my brother and I were playing with our blankets, using them as capes, my dad got angry about it. Said that wasn't what blankets were for and took all of ours away for a night. I was always hiding under mine because I thought aliens or monsters or ghosts would get to me if I didn't, so I was up all night in a panic because I couldn't hide. I can't say if I've translated that into one of my stories, but surely I have. Then there's stuff like... In TDC, Roscoe asks Wayne (his father) if he can have broccoli with dinner. Wayne rejects the notion, but he's pissed about it. Then he immediately changes his mind and says they can fix it, but he says it angrily, as if Roscoe forced his hand. Even though he simply asked once and dropped it as soon as Wayne said "no". And now, no matter what he does, he's been set up: if he says it's okay, they don't have to have it, Wayne will blow up at him. If he agrees to fix it, Wayne will hold it against him that he got what he wanted and will likely bring up "We would have broccoli in the house if you hadn't insisted on eating it." Roscoe isn't trying to win or lose, but he's been put in a situation where that seems to be the case. Over something as innocuous as wanting broccoli for dinner. It's Wayne, setting Roscoe up. Which is a reality I lived through time and time again with my father. It fucks with you deeply. It makes every choice you make something terrifying. You aren't supposed to have choice. I was my maternal grandparents' least favorite child, and they constantly allowed my cousin to bully me to horrific degrees. Then when I was writing Seasons, I was in a "polycule" (girlfriend at the time had another partner) where I was suddenly being ousted more and more from the relationship. It tore open a ton of old wounds that I am forever everyone's least favorite. So that ended up being a core part of Howie's experiences as well. It just hurts too much sometimes to talk about it in depth, and sometimes I don't even want to be a person. I want to be a machine who write stories and doesn't have to need or feel things. I put all that pain into my stories, because I like to write, but I also need to get out those emotions. Express them in a way that isn't ripping my skin apart because I share blood with some shitty people. (Yes, that's... an actual thought that I'd have a lot in the past. Not so much these days, but I'm also just writing and projecting more shit onto characters.)

[rasmot-corner]

Rant about the story in PSO2:NGS

As you can gather from the title, this is going to be a fairly long rant about the story and current state of things in "Phantasy Star Online 2 : New Genesis". Because I have a lot of thoughts after going through the main "plot" of things about three different times.

I will preface this by saying that I am not a long-time player. Many people have played the original "base" version of the game for a lot longer than I have. I jumped in when it finally released for the west via Steam. However I did play through most of the story of the base version of the game. So I do know what I am talking about when I can draw comparisons between the two.

Now, I'm not the only one who thinks the story of NGS is bad. In fact I am certain that there are a LOT of people out there who despise the story with every fiber of their being. And I can honestly see why. To be fairly honest the story of NGS is absolutely boggling in how barren it is.

With the base game you went through several unique locations, had various characters at play, and had more of a concise idea of the "plan" behind certain villains.

You get none of that with NGS.

In fact the most you get is roughly a handful of characters that you sometimes bounce around from, and maybe a sort of "villain" that is literally there to be a punching bag. I am not even joking about that. That is literally the point of the main "enemy" in the game's story. They are there for you to literally beat up as a form of "training". And the game tells us this has been going on for AT LEAST 500 years.

Mind you you only learn about this in the last story mission of the fifth "chapter" of the game. Like you are literally given an exposition dump after defeating a "villain"-ish type of character. And then just suddenly introduced to a new type of enemy that is literally a different version of the same enemies you have been fighting. I am not making any of this up.

Like say what you will about Luther or the Falz spawn or any of the Dark Falz of the base game. At least you had a more basic understanding of what in the flying hell was going on.

Like I wish I could say that NGS is some sort of fever-dream type of scenario. But I sadly cannot because it sadly is the reality of what we're having to deal with. Literally all of what has been done thus far in the NGS story could literally be just one whole "Episode" in the base game. That is a staggering feat of underdevelopment. You can't even say that it's "raw" because it hasn't even been cooked. The player base has been constantly drip-fed content, that even the Fremen would say is torture.

So with all of that in the open, how can we fix this? How can we take what is, for the most part, a fundamentally broken story and make it better? Well, let me do this in two ways. The first version is how to fix what we already have and make it "better" in a sense. The second version will be my day-dream of what NGS should have been from the very start.

So let's dive in, shall we?

--Fixing NGS--

Alright, so let's start by fixing what is already there. For now we'll ignore "chapter" 6, of what is probably meant to be the first Episode, for the time being. And instead we'll do something to radically change the game's story. First we'll start with introducing either a new, or maybe "old", character into the game. One that PSO2 fans will immediately go absolutely nuts about.

Matoi.

Now how will we introduce Matoi? Do it via the sort of "Meteorn" type of playbook? Well to that I say it can be a bit of a "yes and no" situation. Sure she would drop down to the planet like any other Meteorn but in a different type of pod. Like something that looks like a familiar type of pod from base PSO2, or maybe via a drop-ship.

I kind of like the second idea to be honest.

Make it to where suddenly it isn't one planet against the odds with a seemingly existential threat. Introduce the idea of one of the old ARKs ships coming to Halpha or having been in the neighborhood but got alerted by the presence of the new enemies, the Starless.

Hell, let's even expand it outwards. Make it to where multiple towns and places have a sudden influx of various people from across the region of space near Halpha, or part of the expedition team to Halpha. Introduce more races other than varying shades of "Human". Show off all the new and unique designs and character creator parts with all of these different peoples and races. Literally use this as a way to show players that "Hey, new customization options are on the way!" and integrate it into the story.

In short, don't make Halpha the literal "center" of the universe and expand the scope of the story at the same time. Make it to where the old guard of ARKs is being thawed out for renewed combat. Essentially add back in the "Star" to Phantasy Star. That way the next "chapter" or "episode" or what have you, is about exploring certain planets. Make it to where you have a starter "free roam" area on certain planets before fleshing them out. Take this ground-pounders war to the stars.

Either that or have one of the ARKs ships of old crash into the Halphan sea and allow us to explore the interior of the ship like all of the other zones thus far. Turn it into it's own island of sorts. Allow us to help the people of the ARKs ship get things back up and running and introduce a number of new features for players.

That would be the easier/cop-out way of doing it, but still would be a good way to reintroduce the "Phantasy" of being able to go into space again.

--The Daydream--

Some of this day-dream is going to sound familiar to those who have played Phantasy Star Universe. Because I love the idea of a central "station" of sorts and it honestly fits really well. So that is going to be my first "big" change. Instead of just one singular planet, you are going to several of them.

Now they don't have to be planets from the base game. In fact it doesn't need to be anywhere that you may have seen before. Instead why not make it to where they are uniquely themed planets, sort of similar to the zones you find on Halpha but radically different. Like say take the idea of Stia in NGS and make it to where it is a large planet with a balance of Geo-thermal activity and lush greenery.

Or hell, go crazy with it! Like think of a planet where all the foliage is made out of crystals that you can harvest. Or a planet that is filled to the brim of mushrooms of all types and kinds. Maybe have an ocean planet where you are constantly walking on the sea-floor. Or even have our characters go to a moon!

And all of these planets will come with their own unique race. It doesn't have to be specifically races that we've come to know and enjoy from other titles. But instead ones that are unique to these planets. And each one of these planets has their own town that is run by the race of that planet, but also has a bunch of characters from the station visiting as well.

Now how do we tie these planets together? Well if we must, then let us keep the idea of the Starless. A Malevolent, seemingly bio-mechanical, foe of sorts. And these planets that you go to happen to be on a sort of "defensive line" between the Starless and the rest of the galaxy proper. But as you go on, you start to discover ruins and facilities that seem to suggest at a far far FAR older civilization and how these Starless came to be.

And in the midst of all of this, have some sort of inner conflict brewing between people in ARKs. Make it to where there are multiple species working together but they each have their own way of "dealing" with the situation. Or hell, throw in a terrorist faction of some kind. Make it to where there is more than just one foe going on that is creating a unique struggle.

I'm not saying to make it exactly like Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, or Babylon 5 . . . but y'know, it wouldn't be the worst idea to follow. Either way I feel that this, with a whole slew of other ideas and mechanics, can make a far better game than we have. Just kinda getting a little tired of the "Sci-Fi" aspect of the game not really being put to the forefront.

--Conclusion--

This has probably been a long winded rant that may make sense in some areas, but not all of them. But I wanted to put all of this out there because the game is frustrating me to no end. And I simply do not like that it IS doing that.

I just want a nice space themed MMORPG where I can traverse planets and meet new and exciting species to either converse or fight with. Something that doesn't make me frustrated or question why in the hell am I still playing the damned game.

Thanks for reading if you did.

[targaryenvodka]

the lonely joker

warnings - 18+ please! discussion of drug addiction and alcoholism

word count - 600

authors note - what can i say, winter makes me sad. this isn't a very comforting concept, so please don't read it if you think it will negatively affect you

In his mind, there lie only two possibilities. Being heard or never existing on the face of the Earth. He yearns for them to listen, anyone and everyone to at least try to understand what he thinks. 

It's a long way before that though, so he haunts neighborhoods after dark, walking around in the cold with a thick wall of music and space around his brain. Curating his ideas, cementing them into reality. He draws from some deep pool within himself- the water cold, clear, constantly refilling within the deep cavern underground. It runs across his hand and down his forearms, cutting deep across his tongue. The ideas, they're there- but is there anyone to take them from him?

His voice is the only thing that keeps the water from flooding. It's the only thing that keeps his mind sane. The drive for at least two eyes on him that understand, that hear what they need to hear. It's the only thing that keeps the pills out of his hand some days.

But it doesn't keep the drinking out. Nor does it keep the smoking, which he does to pad the fear that no one will ever hear him.

Which, of course, he is certain will never happen.

Failure follows him like a kicked dog. He can never shake it, no matter how hard he fights it. It just comes back for more abuse, constantly tailing him and whimpering in his ears.

Sometimes, late at night, storms brew. Rain falls into the cavern, flooding his brain. Too many ideas, but not enough people to hear them. Too much to handle, and no one to even help. He must be heard. He must pour the water into someone else. He must be heard. He is drowning in his thoughts, and the pressure is only building.

So he does what he must when nobody is around to help bail him out. He writes.

Low, heavy music and thick socks, hair that hasn't been washed for days as he barricades himself inside his room. It is his last stand, his only hope for now.

He crouches in a ball against the rough wood, praying, hoping for the storm of his world to end. Not even sure what he wants to say, but knowing that he has to say something, he reaches for a pen and paper.

The storm does not recede, not even when he fills two pages with writing, hectic thoughts pouring out onto the paper beneath. Suddenly, there is so much to say. It only stops when he reaches for his weed. The quiet floats out of his high, stormwaters receding to a quiet calm.

He laughs at the paper next to him, covered in scribbles. He laughs at the failure that whines next to him. He laughs at the world crumbling around him. He laughs because it's the only thing left to do.

In the morning, he wakes up and does it all again. Things don't look as bleak as they did the night before, but the reality in his brain is harsher and the fear etched into his skin is in sharp relief.

He shrugs, fights down the urge to laugh again- nothing’s funny, but it’s what his mind knows how to do. Some people cut. Some people run. Some people push it all away until they explode.

Aegon? He just laughs, a grating, forced sound. Hiding sobs barely underneath the surface. Aegon is used to living in the fear that blossoms in his chest- he blows it out of proportion, makes a caricature. Every single thing is awful in his life, but that’s what makes it great. It’s funny. It’s fucking hilarious. And the world will never know.

[sereniv]

I hope it's okay I'm sending this to you, I just wanted to talk to someone who maybe would understand.

My grandpa is native, and he likes celebrating Thanksgiving, which is a little strange to a lot of people, because like "why would you want to celebrate that?"

But he says it's like... celebrating what could have been. Because my grandma was not native, and they had a beautiful life together. For him, the Thanksgiving holiday is a celebration of that, and mourning that the entirety of US history wasn't that way.

Colonization isn't inherent, it was a terrible CHOICE that some people made in the past and keep making in the present, so I guess he likes celebrating those moments in history that were just good and kind human connection.

I don't know. I just think it is an interesting way of looking at it, and wanted to share it with someone who might understand.

Yeah ive seen a lot of people celebrate thanksgiving and are native, and have different reasons

some people mourn, some people celebrate, some people use it as just an excuse to eat certain food

i don't celebrate or mourn, i just eat the food. Because thanksgiving has been so sanitized and commercialized, and i didnt grow up with anything that made it significant to me, that its just a day i have to go to my racist uncles house to eat stuffing.

But its same with Christmas with me is i dont celebrate, i just like the look. like the lights and what not. whatever history or meaning it had isnt there for me.

and with thanksgiving its never just a day. when i actually think of thanksgiving i think of the before and after. the way before, the immediate after, the far after.

so when I think of thanksgiving i think of the commercial holiday, not anything past that

Its a nice idea that your grandpa has and im glad he happy in that. I personally feel different when it comes to thanksgiving as an idea, because all i can think of is the reality

but outside of it i do often think about the people who did good, the people who were always against colonization and bigotry

i love thinking of those people because idk. it shows that colonization, bigotry, its not in our blood to be that. no matter how bad it gets there will always be people who die and fight for those being oppressed

so though i probably wont change my mindset about Thanksgiving, i understand your grandpa. its something i think about constantly, what could have been, about the good people, etc. i definitely think people should think about it more

i cant really explain how it feels, but it feels better to imagine how there were good people and recognize the allies, then just focus on the bad ones. in any identity.

if that makes sense. like allyship is meaningful, its not an afterthought. and to remember that we (as any marginalized identity) have always had people stand beside us and stood up for us, makes it feel less lonely. idk how to explain but yeah

i hope you and your grandpa have a good thanksgiving!

[xfictionx0]

My Life as a Modern MKUltra Subject

Intro:

Hey everyone! Today, I want to dive into a more serious and thought-provoking topic: MK-Ultra. For those who might not be familiar, MK-Ultra was a secret CIA program in the mid-20th century that involved mind control and psychological experiments. This topic is particularly intriguing to me because I see some parallels with my own life experiences.

MK-Ultra was a series of experiments conducted by the CIA from the 1950s to the 1970s. The program aimed to explore mind control, behavioral modification, and psychological manipulation using a variety of techniques, including the administration of psychoactive drugs like LSD, hypnosis, sensory deprivation, isolation, and even torture. These experiments were often conducted without the subjects' consent and have had lasting psychological impacts on many of the individuals involved.

To provide a bit of historical context, MK-Ultra was part of a larger effort by the CIA during the Cold War to develop methods of mind control and gather intelligence on similar activities in other countries. The program included over 150 different experiments and affected countless unwitting subjects, from prisoners to hospital patients to ordinary citizens.

Psychoactive Drugs and Voluntary Use:

It's interesting to consider how MK-Ultra subjects were often given drugs without their consent. What if, today, people are being influenced to voluntarily seek out and use psychoactive substances? The idea that media and societal influences could shape our desires and behaviors is a thought-provoking one.

MK-Ultra's use of psychoactive drugs like LSD was intended to break down subjects' mental defenses and create a more malleable state of mind. Today, there's a growing interest in psychedelics like psilocybin mushrooms for therapeutic purposes. While the context and consent are vastly different, it raises questions about how these substances influence our perceptions and behaviors.

Life as a Game of Super Mario:

Sometimes, I imagine my life as a game of Super Mario. In this game, I'm constantly facing challenges and obstacles, trying to 'rescue the princess' and achieve my goals. The idea of 'powering up' with mushrooms, like Mario does, resonates with me. It feels like the universe is telling me to take shrooms to gain new perspectives and insights. However, it's crucial to recognize the serious context in which these substances were used during MK-Ultra experiments.

It makes me wonder though. Is it my own desire to explore these mind altering substances, or was i programmed to seek them out by media?

Personal Reflections and Parallels:

I find certain parallels between MK-Ultra experiments and my own life experiences. For example, the use of torture in MK-Ultra reminds me of the abuse I experienced in the hospital. This makes me wonder if there could be broader, hidden agendas at play.

My experiences in the hospital involved forced confinement, psychological manipulation, and what felt like torture. There were instances where the hospital workers ganged up on me unprovoked, pushed me to the ground and held me down, while another worker was scratching and clawing at my face. They then carried me over to the bed, tied me down, and administered syringes into me against my will. Additionally, I felt isolated, and this sense of isolation has been a recurring theme throughout most of my life.

Feeling isolated, both during my time in the hospital and throughout much of my life, has had a profound impact on my mental health. Isolation is a powerful tool of psychological manipulation, as it can break down an individual's sense of self and reality. This technique was used in MK-Ultra and is still a common method of psychological control in various settings.

Exploring the Possibility:

What if my experiences in the hospital were part of a modern-day MK-Ultra-like project? It's a chilling thought, but considering the history of unethical experiments, it's not entirely out of the realm of possibility. My experiences involved forced confinement and psychological manipulation, as well as torturous methods to make my mental state weaken. This echos some of the techniques used in MK-Ultra.

Discussion on Ethical Concerns:

The ethical implications of MK-Ultra are significant. The lack of consent, the psychological and physical harm caused, and the violation of basic human rights are all deeply troubling. Reflecting on this, it raises important questions about how we view and handle psychological and medical treatment today.

How do we ensure that current practices in psychology and medicine respect patients' autonomy and consent? What safeguards are in place to prevent abuse and manipulation? It's crucial to learn from the past to create a more ethical and transparent system.

We must critically examine current practices in mental health care, including the use of restraints, forced medication, and isolation. Are these practices truly in the best interest of the patients, or do they sometimes serve to control and subdue rather than heal?

Audience Engagement:

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Do you think there are modern parallels to MK-Ultra? Have you ever felt manipulated or influenced in ways that remind you of these historical events? Let’s discuss the potential connections and ethical implications together.

Have any of you had personal experiences with psychological or medical treatment that felt unethical or manipulative? How do you think we can improve the transparency and ethics of these practices today? Share your stories and ideas in the comments or chat.

Potential Solutions and Advocacy:

What can we do as a community to advocate for better mental health care practices? How can we support those who have been through similar experiences? Let's brainstorm and discuss potential solutions together.

Reflecting on MK-Ultra also makes us think about the broader implications of government and institutional power over individuals. How do we balance national security and personal freedom? How do we ensure that history does not repeat itself?

Closing Thoughts:

Thanks for joining me in this discussion. It's important to critically examine our history and consider its impact on our present and future. Let's continue to question, reflect, and engage in meaningful conversations about these important topics. Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments or chat. Stay informed and stay curious.

Moving forward, I encourage everyone to stay informed about these issues and advocate for ethical practices in all areas of life. By sharing our stories and raising awareness, we can help create a better, more transparent world. Thanks again for being part of the conversation.

[inoppositionflorien]

People who've worked in a field for much of their life will often ascribe undue importance to their field.

The stereotype is this being done by physicists, but at least they're technically right that physics is very fundamental. Sure, nearly all interactions can't usefully be modeled in several levels of physics and fluid dynamics in particular is mostly coming up with ways to simplify everything while still generating vaguely useful data so you know how a fluid might work if it had certain properties, but at least they're correct that technically, if you had an obscenely powerful computer vastly more powerful than every currently existing computer combined, you might be able to model something fairly big and get an accurate idea of how it behaves. If you had a bunch of engineers too, you might be able to build a device that blows up the moon or something similarly large. Physics is provably very powerful. If physics stops you from doing a thing, you can't do it.

I think it's a far bigger problem in the arts (and to an extent some of the humanities but mostly the arts), where art has few clear concrete powers and so people just kind of make up powers and features that it has in order to make it seem like the most important field. Because these features are either subjective or entirely speculative, they're also both ever-shifting in definition ("<this lacks soul/is fundamentally bad> because it was made <for money/in a manner I don't approve of/on a computer/by an AI/by tommy no-soul the man without a soul/because I saw something similar once and this is just a pale imitation>) and also portray art the most powerful thing ever and often become part of ever more elaborate fantasies of resistance.

It's obviously not the most powerful thing ever, if you think about it for even a second. Plenty of things are more powerful than art. For instance, continental drift, volcanos, the sun, a mid-sized avalanche, market forces, the Krebs Cycle, war, some rivers, essentially every proposed and implemented economic system in the history of ever, and arguably social cohesion. But when confronted with this reality, artists respond with "you're attacking art" or "You're measuring the marigolds" or whatever.

This has led me to the unfortunate conclusion that artists (as a demographic who writes thinkpieces about art value or generally talk about it where I end up seeing it) individually either don't understand the amount of cultural presence they have (quite a bit, more than nearly all fields) is outsized in proportion to their ability to actually affect society, a thing that makes them very vulnerable to what I'm going to call "proto-fascism for artists" where they're simultaneously holding the belief that they're incredibly vulnerable and beset by powerful entrenched shadowy forces, but these powerful forces will be defeated after a great metaphorical (or possibly literal) battle because of how strong artists are (despite being so vulnerable that art is constantly at risk of being destroyed apparently) and the only reason they haven't yet reshaped society with their incredible secret power is because they're being held back by these powerful forces... OR, they're somewhat aware that they have a lot of cultural presence and relatively little actual ability to leverage it, and just kind of hope that having enough cultural presence will eventually lead to a position to leverage it, which leads to them getting really aggressive whenever anyone challenges this position, because them succeeding requires mass buy-in to art as not just a powerful force, but the most powerful force in society that can be harnessed. They might even hold both these beliefs at the same time.

You know. Like the stereotypical techbro (for as loaded as that term is), but instead of The Innovative Startup, (the thing that'll totally solve all the problems in the world, maligned by ingrained cultural elites but that'll win a great victory against them someday) it's The Revolutionary Artistic Work (the thing that'll totally solve all the problems in the world, maligned by ingrained cultural elites, but that'll win a great victory against them someday)

[mizakikimoto]

I post this picture all the time: me dressed up as a scientist.

Science is the other half of my religion. It's not a subject, or a career, or something political. It's an element of reality, that explains the laws of the physical realm.

Just like Jehovah and Jesus have influenced my worldview so do these truths.

I don't like titles, tribes. I hate the idea of being reduced to one thing. But...I think Christian Humanism says a lot about me. About one part of me.

I hate the idea of pollution, but I've waited years to have a day where I can safely burn this résumé. Maybe just tear it up. That's probably a better idea.

There's a lot to me; theoretically, ideally. The part of me that spends hours a day reading random articles about “stuff” is just as equal to the part of me that wants to play video games for hours. It’s the same part honestly.

I used to have a life. Among other things I used to do science experiments in my great-grandmother's condo in Matteson (IL).

I have a mind that isn't like most, too. I have more horsepower, if you want to put it that way.

But for the past 23 years society has refused to acknowledge me. 

When I lost access to the burbs, all I had were the stereotypes based on certain “demographic attachments”. People needed me to be some “helpless urban youth”. People always wanted to put me in “programs” to try to solve problems that clearly didn't exist.

The problem was that I was being abused. But ALL South Side kids are bad, according to stereotypes, so I was clearly lying. The problem was that I was in a school that was like daycare to me. But ALL South Side kids are bad, according to stereotypes, so I was being difficult. The problem is I WAS dealing with racism, but…how can a *Black” kid who doesn't look “Black” deal with that?

For years I’ve told people in plain English, with different phrasing: “I need to get back to my life”. But there’re these lenses people refuse to stop seeing me through.

I am homeless. Being pushed towards public housing. Being given information on hotels hiring. What the hell does that have to do with me? Or those dumb “youth programs”. Or all the “sit downs” people have tried to have with me?

I’m constantly being painted as mentally ill. No. No. I’m super smart. But that goes against people’s prejudices, assumptions. So…my words are a lie to these people.

But let me tell you motherfuckers something:

I think it's possible that cancer is the body's faulty attempt at rapid evolution. Like the body trying to grow an organ or appendix to deal with things it wasn't made to deal with.

I got the idea when I was maybe 16. I was standing at a bus stop across from the Bank of America Theater, I think. It was cold, during the winter, in the evening. I was shivering, and thinking about how shivering served a purpose: to warm the body.

I don’t know why: but I thought about something I read or watched on cancer. It reminded me of something I read or watched on how organs develop in the womb.

And so...most adaptations/changes in the body are due to generations of exposure, blah blah blah.

But then everything changed super fast: in lifestyle, diet, environment. The body wasn't used to that, and the changes were so radical. So...it had to adapt, quick. But it's not used to doing what might take thousands of years...in one lifetime. So its quick attempt at doing it...just doesn't work. It hasn't figured it out, and it hurts us instead.

So, if this is true, to stop cancer from killing us: do we guide this evolution to the intended result, do we stop it, or are both options?

…

But people are relentless in their view of me.

I will fucking be acknowledged again. Fuck your own ignorance, prejudice, and all that shit. 

Fuck that résumé, and these job applications.

I have 23 years of shit to catch up on. And that’s what’s gonna fuckin’ happen.

I will be acknowledged.

-Chris