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skzcollision · 11 months

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churchboy!felix x afab!reader (4/7)

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genre: fluff, smut, teen angst

synopsis: certain expectations come with being a pastor’s daughter. in everyone’s eyes you are a properly behaved girl, albeit rather timid. according to your parents, you aren’t as devoted to the church as you should be. they entrust you to an old family friend’s son, deeming him to be a good influence. these circumstances bring you two closer together and stir up all kinds of emotions.

MINORS DNI

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

It turns out that you and Felix hadn't been the only ones in that restroom you locked yourselves in.

A classmate had witnessed the entire thing and the little snake didn't hesitate to tell everyone that the school's beloved golden boy has been banging the daughter of a pastor—you. The most salacious piece of gossip since junior year when someone got pregnant and had to drop out.

Your goody two shoes image had crumbled in less than an hour.

If you were to be honest, there was something freeing about it. Putting up a front all these years had begun to chip away at you. No one got anywhere by rebelling against their parents. They would have only sent you away to some religious boot camp for troubled teens or whatever they thought effective—so you pretended to put up with their shit for eighteen years.

After you leave for university, that’s when your life begins. They have been pushing for you to attend Bible college but what they don’t know is that you have officially chosen to study at a secular school. Money is not a problem; you managed to receive a scholarship and saved up enough from past part-time jobs to cover living expenses. You’ll live away from your parents, and ultimately, have a life of your own.

Hopefully with Felix by your side.

Your parents aren’t the biggest fan of him at the moment. You have told your mother that while you are seeing each other, you have never slept together—which is technically not a lie. But the fact that he never asked your father for permission to court you, left a bad taste in their mouths. They never foresaw that these innocent bible readings would progress your relationship in this way.

“I just don’t know what we were thinking.” Your mother huffs. She takes her anger out on a head of cabbage this time, knife coming down forcefully and rapidly against the wooden board. It impresses you that she has never had one accident. “Leaving you unchaperoned all day with a boy.”

You’re rinsing produce at the sink, fighting the urge to roll your eyes or make a face because she somehow always catches you. “I’m eighteen, mom.”

Her knife comes to a halt. “You are still a child.”

You don’t say any more on the subject. It’s futile arguing with her. No matter what you say, she is always going to see you as a naive little girl with no knowledge of the world.

Your parents think this entire situation is still better than you running off with a non-Christian, so they have invited Felix and his parents over for dinner at your house.

It’s a little scary, how your mother can switch her demeanour in a drop of a hat. One moment she’s yelling at you for peeling the fruits wrong and the next she’s answering the door with the pearliest smile.

Felix brings his famous brownies and suddenly it seems like all is forgiven. His dad joins your father in the living room while he and his mom help out in the kitchen. You realize how similar both of your mothers are, only you feel that his is genuinely kind while yours poses.

It goes just like any other dinner has. The adults talk, and the children stay quiet, only speaking when spoken to and when the occasional question pops up. Your mother loves answering for you so you just about have your brain shut off the entire time.

They leave after dessert, well, your mothers chitchat by the door for another hour or so, and then they leave.

Besides playing footsie underneath the table, you and Felix didn’t really get the chance to interact much with each other all night, so he calls as soon as you slide into bed.

“When can I see you?” You ask, lying on your back.

“You’re not going to church?”

“I am. I mean when can I see you alone,” you emphasize.

“After the service, I guess. They’re asking me to set up a new computer so I have to hang back, but we can go somewhere once I’m done with that.”

“Okay.”

You don’t talk for very long, nor do you hang up. Your phone stays next to your head and you let his breathing lull you to sleep.

“Has everyone gone home?”

You sit on the futon behind Felix as he works on the desktop. The small back room that they have designated as the church office always has an unpleasant dank smell and feel. Something like rotting wood. You really don’t want to stay here for any longer.

“Yeah I think so,” his response is delayed, focused solely on whatever he is doing.

You smile, pulling up a foldable chair next to his and hugging him round the stomach. Your face buries into his neck.

His hand comes up to stroke your hair briefly before going back on the mouse. “Let’s do this later okay? Just wanna finish as quickly as possible.”

Your lips purse into an exaggerated pout. It takes a while for him to look but once he does, he only chuckles and lays a chaste kiss on you before quickly getting back to it.

You finally decide to just leave him alone and diddle around with the pipe organ to pass the time.

Hymns are all you know so that’s what you play. Although your parents made you play for church when you were little and you typically hate everything they force you to do, playing the pipe organ is not one of them. You have always enjoyed how grand the notes sound—filling up the entire room, buzzing through you. You like that you are responsible for making it happen.

Halfway through a piece, your fingers move to play a song that Felix sang for you over the phone a few nights ago, when he thought you were asleep. Relying completely on your memory, you miss a few keys so you go back to rectify them until you can play it cohesively.

“You were awake.”

You jump, glancing over your shoulder in surprise to see Felix standing there, fingers lingering on a note.

“I’m glad I was.” You grin up at him, eyes raking over his freckles, cheeks tinged with pink. “How come I’ve never heard you sing before?”

“I’m a little shy when it comes to my voice.” He plops down next to you, head hanging low.

“Why?” You ask, baffled. “I love your voice.”

Felix shifts closer to you. “Yeah?”

You nod, hands flowing across the keys to play a simple melody. “One of the many things I love about you.“

He jabs at your sides and you yelp, glaring at him for messing up your rhythm. “What else do you love about me?” He smiles playfully, wrapping his arms around you.

You match his smile and your fingers come up to brush against his lips. “This smile for one…” You peck him on the corner of his mouth. “These… beautiful freckles.” You murmur, peppering kisses across his cheeks. “Those sounds you make when I…” Your mouth moves down to nibble at his jaw, then the soft skin around his Adam’s apple, drawing out low moans from him.

That feeling builds up within you again—that burning innate need to be closer to him.

Searching for approval, you pull away for a moment to look up into those soft, doe eyes, swirling with admiration.

His gaze darkens, and he nods permissively. A grunt leaves him as he greedily attaches his lips to yours, hand cradling the back of your head.

WARNING: GRAPHIC CONTENT

Your fingers fly into his hair, pushing, pulling. It doesn’t take long for you to end up on his lap again. Your head lolls back as his mouth latches onto your neck, hands desperately pawing everywhere he can reach. Sounds of pleasure echo within the walls of the chapel as your hips work in tandem, heat generating where you two connect.

He’s hard again. You never actually got the chance to touch him last time.

“Can…” You whimper, eyes squeezing shut when he grinds up into you again. “Can you let me take care of you?”

Breathing erratically against your neck, Felix snaps his gaze up, showing his pretty, flushed face to you. His tongue darts out to wet his lips and he nods.

The bench creaks as you untangle your legs from his waist, moving to sit beside him. You swallow apprehensively as you undo the button of his trousers, eyes glued to his bulge.

You begin palming him over his boxers, fingers grasping around and feeling the shape of his shaft. His head tips back, face twisting up adorably.

He looks to you in confusion when you suddenly withdraw your hand. You grin sweetly. “Show me how you do it.”

You laugh when he only stares at you, looking more puzzled than before. “You do, don’t you?”

Tearing his gaze away, he mumbles almost inaudibly, “s- sometimes… when I’m in the shower.”

You have learned quite a bit about how to pleasure a man from the books you used to secretly read at the public library, but the thought of Felix touching himself in front of you is more exciting.

“Well?” You urge him on, a teasing glint in your eyes.

“That’s not something you should see,” he scoffs bashfully, the tips of his ears now the same shade as the flowers on your dress.

Laughter bubbles up from your chest. You are amazed that he still has it in him to act like a gentleman around you. The same guy who had his fingers inside of you earlier this week. The same guy who couldn’t stop groping you in the kitchen behind the backs of your mothers under the guise of reaching into a cabinet. He is way beyond the point of modesty.

”What?” He glances at you with his eyes narrowed in slits, mildly annoyed.

You shake your head and press your lips together, a poor attempt to conceal your hilarity. “Nothing, I just kind of thought we were past that.”

Determination settles on his features. “Fine.”

He shoves his hand inside his boxers, pausing in a moment of irresolution. Then he’s taking himself out for you to see. You stare in awe at the glistening head. Of course it’s pretty; you believe every part of Felix is.

Deep groans leave him as he fucks into his fist, fingers deliberately tugging up and down his length. This whole time he does not look at you, rather keeps his eyes shut. You notice how his thumb often comes up to caress the tip.

You’ve read about that part being the most sensitive. He’s had to have touched himself several times now.

Gravitating towards him, you push back the strands of hair on his forehead and his eyes flutter open slightly. “Do you think about me?”

He nods, gulping. “I always think about you.”

You lean over so that your breath is fanning over his neck. “You finish to the thought of me?”

“Y- Yes…”

Your lips curve into a saccharine smile, eyes hardened with lust. “Good.”

You cover his hand, the one on his cock, with yours and he stares at you in alarm. He unfurls his fingers, letting you take over and allowing you to finally touch him. He’s soft, so soft, but rigid at the same time.

His pretty mouth drops open and his eyes are closed again as you mimic his own movements. Snapping your wrist with each motion, remembering to pay special attention to the leaking tip.

Felix has surrendered himself completely, his shame from earlier long gone. His unrestrained groans fill up the large, empty space, just like the pipe organ had, knuckles turning white as he grips onto the edges of the bench.

You feel his cock suddenly get stiffer, like the quills on a porcupine, and you slow your hands before stopping completely, realizing what that meant.

He whines at the loss of contact, practically sobbing out your name.

“Let’s try something else,” you get up from your seat, his eyes following you in a daze.

Leaning yourself over the keys, you place one hand on the panelling while the other hikes up your sundress. Your eyes meet his over your shoulder.

“What…” He stands up, directly behind you. “Um, y- you want me to put it in? I don’t have anything to... and that’s– we shouldn’t–” He gulps nervously, eyes flitting around.

A soft smile graces your features and you shake your head. “Not inside, just…” You gesture to your thighs, unsure of how to explain things exactly.

“Oh,” realization dawns on him. He is more intuitive than you thought.

Felix positions himself up against you, holding your waist with one hand and himself up with the other. “Are you sure?”

You nod, driving your ass back into him with need. “Please.”

He slips in between your plushy thighs, his length pressing right up against your covered cunt. You moan in bliss, clamping your thighs around him as tightly as possible.

“Uh, i- is… Mmph…” He rasps out against the nape of your neck, grabbing onto your hips to better stabilize himself. “Is it okay if I s- start moving?”

Your hand comes up to stifle your giggles, imagining how well he would react once he’s actually inside of you. “Mhm,” you hum in a velvety voice, jutting your ass out further.

Low growls escape him as he starts pounding into your thighs, his sloppy, shallow thrusts drawing out your own sobs of pleasure. Eventually he gets a better grip and his rhythm becomes more controlled.

“Ahh!” He changes his angle and you stumble forward, causing your hands to land on the keys. The tune almost mimics the lewd noises coming out of your mouths.

He holds onto you tighter, his thick shaft relentlessly sliding through your wet cunt and in turn making you a babbling, incoherent mess. “F- Felix… y- your… it feels… s- s’good…”

Grunting with exertion, he pulls you to his chest.“Yeah?” He licks along your jaw, one hand splayed across your stomach, the other on your breast. He’s gone completely feral, lost in the way you feel around him.

You gaze down in stupefaction as the head of his cock appears from your thighs. You lift a hand to play with it, teasingly rubbing your palm against the flushed tip every time it pops back out.

“O- Oh… oh my go–“ He makes a harsh, grating sound from behind you, hips slamming into your ass.

Your panties have started shifting to the side, allowing his cock to finally rub against your bare pussy. It’s a delicious friction when his tip collides with your clit, and you feel yourselves tumbling closer to the edge.

“C- Close… s’close!” You cry out, hips moving back to meet his forceful thrusts.

His cock is dangerously close to your entrance but neither of you think about it as you fall apart together, white-hot pleasure ripping through your bodies. His release shoots into your hand, some of it smearing in between your thighs.

You clutch onto each other for a moment, catching your breaths, regaining composure.

Then he’s turning you around and you share a gentle kiss.

He feels you shaking against him so he takes your face in his hands. “Are you okay? I’m sorry– was it too much?”

“No, no it wasn’t… I’m okay,” you smile reassuringly. Seeing him so concerned about you makes your stomach do flips. He presses kisses to your shoulder, rubbing soothing circles on your back. “It’s hot. Wanna go get some gelato?”

He lifts his head and looks at you like you’re crazy, then laughs. “Let’s clean you up first.”

⭒

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| taglist: @moasworld @beautifulixr @vixensss @yeetfellx @g00dtimenotlongtim3 @letrasalvientoblog |

#lee felix smut #lee felix x reader #felix x reader #skz felix #skz smut #stray kids #skz fanfic #lee felix fluff #skz fluff

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characteranalyst · 1 year

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Phayu Character Analysis : The Man With a Borrowed Halo and One Foot in Hell

“My brother is far from simple, you’ll get burned if you don’t know how to play with fire” - Saifah

Gather round LITA obsessed children for an in depth analysis of our resident Daddy Dom Brat Tamer Phayu who Christian Grey wished he was and tried to be. You either hate him, love him, want to be him or all of the above.

I know PhayuRain’s arc seems like on the surface just a fluffy little romance with no need for lengthy think pieces. But I’m obsessed with their dynamic and I could not let the hyper-fixation pass before doing a character analysis. Phayu haunts the periphery of dreams and I am hoping that this analysis will help me exorcise this beautiful spectre so I can finally know peace.

As much as I would genuinely love to crack open his skull and unspool all of his thoughts and motivations I cannot do that. So disclaimer obviously this will just be conjecture and my opinion and I am going to try and stick as closely as possible to canon and refrain from falling into head canon territory.

I have read Love Storm but I’m only going to be referencing how Phayu behaves in the series because I prefer that version of him. Also this is going to be a very LONGGGG post. I have many thoughts on this man. Feel free to skim through or save it to read for some other time.

I am mainly going to be speaking about the main character traits that I have observed from him and how he relates to the rest of the characters in the series. I think I am going to make a separate analysis of his dynamic with Rain because going in depth with that would be too much for me to mention here.

Alright let’s get into it.

(1) EARLY CHILDHOOD AND YOUNG ADULTHOOD

We are given little to no information on his childhood and or young adulthood. What we do know is that his parents left him and Saifah an incredible house and the luxury garage so we can assume that they weren’t strapped for cash.

Him and Saifah seem like two relatively well adjusted young men so I guess we can assume that there was little to no childhood trauma. In episode 6 during their pillow talk Phayu tells Rain that his parents are off living in Korat and enjoying their lives, I’m assuming. So I guess they’re not divorced. So he has no ‘separated parents’ trauma to deal with.

The only thing that gives us a little insight into how his childhood affected who he became as a person was when he told Rain the story of how his mother always used to argue with his father about how he could fix bikes beautifully but he could not build a house for them.

So Phayu decided that he was going to ensure that he was able to fulfil both by becoming a mechanic and an architect. I think from this we can conclude that Phayu is an overachiever and this displays his seemingly constant need to be perfect and the best.

I think this may also come from a child’s instinctual need to please their caretakers and make them proud. Phayu also seems like someone who has had a Type A personality from birth. In contrast to Saifah who seems like a little more laid back more go with the flow type.

From this little snippet of information we can also assume that his affinity for being a mechanic was either inherited from his father or taught to him and Saifah.

In conclusion it’s safe to say that Phayu does not really seem to have any trauma to speak of, he's just kinky. I like the fact he doesn’t have any heavy trauma or unsavoury character traits (well I take this back he’s a little pushy and manipulative) he needs to get over. There is beauty in this simplicity where as a result, the majority of the narrative is focused on Phayu Rain falling in love with each other.

(2) PHAYU AND HIS AIR OF MYSTERY (DR JEYKLL AND MR HYDE)

One thing that stood out to me when we as an audience were introduced to Phayu was his air of mystery. Everyone knows of him of course because he has been knighted as the God of the faculty of architecture. But we see quickly that very few people actually know him personally. We can see how this fact plays out in the series through the following examples:

Pun says that she has no idea what kind of business Phayu runs but it's ok because she likes a man with a little mystery. (Episode 1)

Phayu refuses to tell Rain what he likes to eat on their first date because he says that Rain has to know him a lot longer before he can ‘snoop for information’ as he puts it. (Episode 3)

Phayu shares only a little information about his life with his senior Mhok before abruptly cutting the conversation short so as to not reveal too much information about his personal life. (Episode 4)

Phayu only reveals deep information about himself and his parents and childhood to Rain after their second time during pillow talk. (Episode 6)

He also doesn’t really seem to have close friends except for Prapai and Saifah. I don’t really think Saifah counts because he’s more of an unwilling captive because they have to share everything that their parents left them. I really don’t think they would even be friends if they weren’t brothers honestly because of their differing personalities.

I think this ability to guard what he reveals to people helps maintain his mystique. There needs to be a certain level of distance and holding people at arm’s length that needs to take place in order for people to project their fantasies onto him and build him up as some sort of God among men.

I think the reason people idolise Phayu and like him so much is because they like the idea of him rather than the reality of him. I think if more people knew who he actually was in reality, they would be put off by how intense he is.

Rain seems like the only person who had become disillusioned with the idea of Phayu. After the debacle in Episode 1 he sees Phayu not as his ‘cool handsome big bike bro” but as a pushy piece of shit bastard that tried to assault him. I also think some of his anger towards Phayu had to do with him being confused by his feelings for him; creating a cocktail of confusion for poor Rain to sort out. So he was able to view Phayu as a person and not place him on a pedestal like other people do.

I think this is what PhayuRain’s relationship needed to flourish as well because Phayu needs someone who is able to challenge him. We are well aware of how much he loves brats. The worshipful gaze of Som and Pun would not be satisfactory for him because they had him on a pedestal and were blinded by their idea of him so they would readily submit to him without much push back.

He needed someone with a backbone who could engage in a sort of push and pull relationship with him and our adorable little firecracker Rain was the perfect match. Phayu has people falling at his feet daily; he was in need of much more excitement than that.

Like the story of the titular character Dr.Jekyll a well-respected scientist who used his alter ego Mr.Hyde to delve into the darker side of science without repentance or taking responsibility; Phayu has that same sort of duality. I think Phayu keeps his kinky side under wraps and he’s very careful about whom he shows that part of himself to. Presumably only his lovers or potential lovers get to see his ‘bad side’.

So his DR JEKYLL would be, so to speak,the Phayu that is seen as a smart, capable, polite, helpful and well-adjusted young man, loved by all and sought after by many. This is the Phayu that would leave a random stranger his set square with an encouraging message about his future in architecture.

On the flip side his MR HYDE would be Dom Daddy Brat Tamer Phayu with a penchant for sadism and degradation.

At the end of the day both sides come together to make up who Phayu is as a person and there is nothing inherently wrong with his Mr. Hyde as long as he is able to channel it and engage with it safely with willing participants. Fortunately for him, he has Rain for that.

(3) WONKY MORAL COMPASS BUT STRINGENT PERSONAL RULES

I really had a hard time dissecting this part. But I have come to the conclusion that Phayu deserves to be labelled as a morally grey or morally ambiguous person. I really have a soft spot for morally grey characters in media or literature.

It makes the narrative far more interesting to follow. In real life however I would run in the opposite direction and call the police. But this isn’t supposed to be real, it's supposed to be a fantasy so I’m not going to go too much in depth about Phayu’s moral failings. This show doesn’t take itself too seriously so I’m not going to either.

Phayu is not a ‘nice’ person plain and simple and he knows it, contrary to Pun’s expository gushing in the first episode of the show when she refers to him as “super-duper nice”. After the spanking incident in Episode 2 (which was wild now that I think of it) where Rain declares that he is going to make him fall in love with him he says to himself;

“You’re going to make me fall in love with you but do you know what kind of man I am.”

I think Phayu says this because he knows himself thoroughly the good, the bad and the ugly. Phayu has overcome himself. He has recognized all his shortcomings, all his base desires, all his lowliness, all the self-imposed restraints he places upon himself and overcome them.

Phayu also strikes me as someone who has engaged with his shadow self and explored the parts of his psyche that most of us would repress and compartmentalise because we are too ashamed of our darkness to engage with it.

He has looked his darkness in the face and come to terms with it. That is why he says, "Do you know what kind of man I am?", because he understands people’s perception of him lies in stark contrast to his unsavoury character traits.

I also think his dabbling in BDSM has given him the room and space to conduct such exploration of himself in a safe, sane and consensual way. I think the nature of BDSM can afford people an outlet to engage with their own darkness and sort through it so that it doesn’t manifest in their life in other ways.

In Episode 1 we see where Prapai likens him to the devil (jokingly) but under every joke there is definitely some truth. If Prapai is calling him that it must be the truth because as we know Prapai looks like his only close friend.

We can assume that Prapai is incredibly familiar with Phayu’s Mr. Hyde as we can presume that they know each other very well so his assessment of dubbing Phayu as a devil must be accurate.

Also head canon (I know I said I was going to refrain from going into head canon territory but please indulge me a bit) I’m sure they’ve fucked before in a bro-ish kind of way. I mean their both hot and bi and Prapai’s a sub in top’s clothing (I know Dom/sub and top/bottom are two separate things just enjoy the joke you know what I mean) so it’s not far fetched to think they would have at some time fucked around a bit.

Although I know Phayu is hardly the correct type of Dom for Prapai’s specific brand of subbiness. The point is I think that Prapai would be privy to Phayu’s true nature and how much of a little shit he can be when he isn’t using his powers for good.

In Episode 5 Saifah, the only other person we see having a close relationship with Phayu refers to him as a Devil as well.

I just know these two have witnessed some shit over the years of knowing Phayu that warranted him being referred to as a Devil.

Discussing Phayu’s moral code is very weird because it’s obvious that he doesn’t really adhere to a normal set of rules. We can assume he’s not particularly religious because it wasn’t mentioned.

I think Phayu is very domineering and kind of manipulative but at the same time he commands an air of respect. He is not necessarily what you would expect from someone who is so widely lauded as an exemplary person.

What also struck me about Phayu was the fact although his moral code seems a little flexible he has a few hard and fast non-negotiable rules that may seem arbitrary to someone like Rain but to him it may as well be gospel.

One of these rules in the show is seen where we see he has a big thing for respect. We see an example of this when he calls Rain after he picks up his car from the garage and he tells Rain that only ill-mannered boys don’t greet the owner of the house when they stop by. He also ends the call by telling Rain to be respectful. We also see his thing for rules when he tells Rain that he doesn’t like ill-mannered boys and that he should address him as P’Phayu emphasising the use of honorifics.

Phayu is also a man of his word in Episode 7 when Rain tells Phayu that he will unleash his wrath on him if he ever cheats on him. Phayu just laughs and says he will never let Rain down. He holds true to this in the Special Episode when Rain accuses him of cheating on him with Natsu he utters the same sentiment that he promised to never let Rain down. This man looked absolutely horrified at the accusation like he wouldn’t even dream of it.

I think his strict adherence to rules other than him being a Dom could also be influenced by his exposure and affiliation with the likes of P’Pakin and P’Chai. He knows that there will be dire consequences if the rules aren’t strictly adhered to. This is why he curses Stop for mentioning the race in public and he reprimands Rain for thoughtlessly wandering into the illegal street race without permission to be there.

BUT ON THE FLIP SIDE

He’s so stringent about ensuring that Rain is polite and respectful but he thinks it’s perfectly fine to tamper with Rain’s car so that he would have an excuse to be his knight in shining armour and save him so they could hook up. The math is not mathing at all. I know he’s an experienced mechanic and he wouldn’t have tampered with anything that would have led Rain getting in an accident and getting injured but still. WEIRD BEHAVIOUR KHUN PHAYU!!!!!! Also don’t even get me started on him using the debt of fixing Rain’s car as some weird way to stalk him??? RED FLAGGGGGG!! His methods of courtship definitely need some fine tuning.

In conclusion his contradictory moral code gives me whiplash trying to figure out where on the scale from angel to devil I should place him. But I think he’s just human. No one is all good and all bad and I think that Mame writes very human raw characters that make you feel something. I’ll give credit where credit is due.

(4) AN EERIE LEVEL OF SELF CONTROL AND THE PATIENCE OF A SAINT

This man probably never has New Year’s Resolutions because he’s already operating at optimal condition. Phayu is portrayed to be quite literally always in control. The only time he looks undone is after THAT SCENE in Episode 6.

We see this self-control manifest in the way he makes love to Rain in a very formulaic, worshipful and almost performative manner. Gently throwing Rain’s head back, holding his hands down and caging his body. Rain responds in kind to his dominance by always baring his throat in submission and allowing his body to go lax under Phayu’s ministrations.

It’s so gentle but he’s still being dominant and in control. While Rain always looks halfway between heaven and earth during these scenes Phayu always seems wholly present and tethered to earth (like a good Dom should be) creating a space in which his precious sub can feel safe enough to fly out of this stratosphere.

The subtlety with which he maintains control makes me absolutely feral. There is hardly any jostling or manhandling but it’s still forceful. I think a great example of the subtlety of how Phayu displays his dominance can be seen in the PhayuRain make-out scene in Episode 5.

The natural way he cages Rain’s neck to control the flow of the kiss.

The way he stop kissing Rain when Rain tries to lead and he put a finger to his lips in a way that almost screams “Relax I’m in charge here.”

Unlike our donut firecracker Rain (my sweet boy) that was ready to scrap at the first sign of disrespect, Phayu seems like he is not one to resort to violence if they could sort it out by just talking and coming to an amicable solution.

We can see an example of this where Phayu refused to be baited by Stop into fighting with him even though Stop was about to punch him at the night racing circuit in the beginning of Episode 6.

Also before the race between him and Stop where Stop was trying to rile him up. He was able to remain level headed while Stop immediately lost his cool and tried to fight him once again when Phayu insulted him.

I’m assuming this self-control is more nature than nurture. It seems like he is the type to have always been calm and self-contained. He doesn’t need to bark loudly because his competence and self-assuredness speaks volumes.

He quite literally doesn’t yell often he just uses that husky dom voice. The only time he ever really raised his voice was when he was shouting at Rain in Episode 2 when he was worried that he could have gotten killed for sneaking into the illegal street circuit race.

The thing about dominance and control that I think people like Stop with fragile egos get wrong is that they think it comes from a place of aggression, peacocking and forcing people to bow to your will. This is however not the sort of dominance that will truly gain you respect and have people willingly obey you.

Phayu’s dominance and control comes from a place of nurturing and caring and people only defer to him and his authority because he has proven time and time again that he is capable of shouldering the responsibility of what this control entails and he has consequently gained their respect because of it.

(5) PRIDE GOES BEFORE A FALL

No matter how level headed he is and self-control he possesses he’s still a man and he has been socialised to exist as a man. So he’s not above engaging in a motorcycle race with an asshole like Stop to prove a point and because of his pride.

I like how this moment humanised Phayu and showed how no matter how above petty human emotions he seems, he’s still liable to fall victim to making decisions based on ego.

However, I like that he was self-aware enough to realise that he was indeed only participating in this race because of his pride because he says to Rain when he tries to stop him some things just don’t have an explanation.

We can contrast him racing Stop because of his pride and him kneeling before Stop and crawling to save Rain from being hurt. Although he has an ego he was more than willing to put pride aside to ensure Rain’s safety.

(SIDENOTE- I died watching the kidnapping ordeal in episode 7 that shit was so unserious. The picture of Rain that Stop sent Phayu lives in my head rent free and I cackle from time to time because of it.)

(6) “P’PHAYU LHOR MAKKKKK!” – Pun (PRETTY PRIVILEGE AND THE HALO EFFECT)

Physical appearance is often a major part of the halo effect. People who are considered attractive tend to be rated higher as possessing positive traits in contrast to people who aren’t considered conventionally attractive.

I think beauty can be blinding and make people more willing to overlook people’s misgivings. As the halo effect states people are more likely to project good qualities on to people they deem to be conventionally attractive.

As I said when I was addressing his air of mystery; because people are so predisposed to projecting all these good qualities on Phayu the distance and the space that he creates between him and other people can be filled with these projections and good qualities so that they build him up in their minds as this amazing person.

This man radiates and secretes ungodly amounts of sex appeal without trying. So I think his general attractiveness is one of the reasons as well why Rain had a hard time getting people to believe that Phayu was a pushy manipulative little asshole in the beginning.

Do I think Phayu would have commanded the same level of respect that he does without also being pretty? I don’t know to be honest. I do however think Phayu is an unintentional cautionary tale about the dangers of projecting good qualities on someone just because they’re attractive and being blind to their faults.

(7) SELF ASSURED, CONFIDENT AND CHARMING – CONCEITED?

I mean I’d be that confident too if I was rich, handsome, talented, smart ANDDDDD could fuck like a porn star but I digress. Very much a quiet confidence to him as was elaborated on when I spoke about the air of mystery. He is evidently very capable and consequently people rely on him and I think his self- assuredness comes from the fact that he can back up his claims because he has every right to be self-centred.

Without mincing words this man is very conceited. However although he is conceited he doesn’t lack empathy and he doesn’t seem too self-involved as evidenced by the way he ensures that he takes care of the people he cares about.

(8) PHAYU THE COMPULSIVE CARETAKER, CONCEITED BUT NOT SELF-INVOLVED

We see in Episode 4 how Phayu puts Rain’s needs before his by ensuring that Rain focuses on his school work and ensures that his development and advancement as a person comes before pursuing a romantic relationship with Phayu.

He ensures that Rain understands how slacking on his work in pursuance of other things will affect his work life and he lectures him while still comforting him after. I really liked this scene in Episode 3 because Phayu is able to help Rain because he’s older and more experienced and he’s gone through it before. I also like the fact that there isn’t a hint of condescension in his voice, just concern and wanting to ensure that Rain becomes the best version of himself.

Phayu shows how much he cares about Rain and is invested in making Rain a priority in his life in so many little ways. We can see in Episode 5 how Phayu leaves an important meeting to answer Rain’s text messages. Also in Episode 4 When Rain finishes his project early after an all-nighter and instead of sleeping he goes straight to Phayu. Phayu ensures that there is reciprocity in their relationship by saying that you missed out on sleep to come see me, so I'm going to hurry up and finish my work so we can hang out.

He makes an effort to help Rain finish his models like he promised to do in his speech in Episode 5. Also in Episode 4 he apologises to Rain for his phone dying and for making him wait for him in the rain. In Episode 6 after he almost gets in a fight with Stop the first thing he does is ask Rain if he’s alright even though he was the one that almost had a brawl with Stop.

I think we really see throughout the show how the way Phayu interacts with Rain takes on a sort of paternalistic tinge. The title of Daddy is incredibly fitting and I really just think this is him being a good Dom.

That’s why I think this is the reason Phayu looks so touched and taken aback when Rain and him first meet and he holds the umbrella for Phayu while he’s changing his tire. Phayu’s so used to being relied on and being assumed to be competent and well put together. He’s used to giving without expecting anything in return. So when Rain does this small act of kindness in an effort to repay this Good Samaritan, Phayu becomes fascinated with him.

(9) ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS B.R. (Before Rain)

Was he possibly a whore? Not as much of a whore as Prapai but he has definitely spun the block. Whereas our beloved service top Prapai has built a gated community in which he resides on said block. Phayu had a condom stashed under that toy car so we know he was getting some action.

He was probably not a whore whore because as he said to Rain in the bathroom scene:

We all know why he’s particular. I don’t think he would have been able to find a lot of people willing to put up with his domineering attitude and controlling nature long term if they didn’t have that sort of kink no matter how insanely hot he is.

But there were definitely others before Rain if we can take cues from the offhanded comments of the other characters in the series. Saifah tells Rain in Episode 3 when he’s waiting for Phayu that there were others before him. Was it a lot of others though? The world may never know.

Saifah comments on the fact that Phayu has been single for a long time and Saifah tells him if he wants to be happy like him he should get in a serious relationship. So we can assume that long term romantic relationships for Phayu have more than likely been few and far between. He probably was not celibate though as we see how he was going to have a one night stand with Rain.

We see Saifah saying that he feels bad for whoever is making Phayu smile like that and how he warns him not to be too mean to Rain because he will run away. We can assume that others have been perturbed by how intense Phayu was in the past and they have run off.

I’m sure Saifah knows Phayu very well and even if he isn’t aware of the details of his kinkiness he knows Phayu has a thing about control and a mean streak. At least that’s what Saifah computes it as in his vanilla mind. I’m sure this poor man has heard and seen way too much. JUSTICE FOR SAIFAHH!!!!!!

Lastly before they get together Phayu constantly tests Rain to see if he can handle what a long term relationship with him would look like. I’m sure this comes from things not working out in the past and Phayu wanting to ensure that Rain can handle him.

We can see that Phayu may have abandonment issues from things not working out in the past with his romantic pursuits when in Episode 5 he’s scared and panicked and sad when Rain runs away after they have sex for the first time. I have three theories about this:

(1) He didn’t want to lose Rain because he’s a unicorn and he may never have hope of finding someone so perfect for him again.

(2) He was abandoned before because he was too much and overbearing and it triggered him.

(3) He’s big on communication and he feels slighted that Rain ran away before they could discuss how their relationship would develop after they had sex for the first time.

It could have quite possibly been a combination of all of the above. Phayu seems like the type to be fully invested in a long term relationship and he seems like someone who loves deeply so I think him testing Rain was him just trying to ensure that Rain was worth the investment before he got too attached.

(10) PHAYU THE SCULPTOR ; HIS OBSESSION WITH POTENTIAL AND MOULDING THINGS TO HIS LIKING

“Rain before you design a house you need to design your life first”- Phayu

I get the impression that Phayu’s view on life is that everything can be curated and tailored to his liking if he tries hard enough. He’s definitely not a go with the flow kind of person. Every single move he makes is intentional. Looking at his two professions being an architect and his side of job of being a mechanic; these are two things that require moulding, precision.

Architects are able to create and design and bring their vision to life and make it tangible. It’s a very creative profession with the added bonus of having something you designed realised in real life.

Also mechanics are constantly tinkering with engines and in control of powerful machinery. Whether they work on maintenance, diagnostics, or repairs, they have to perform those tasks with exacting detail. That is because this careful work on important vehicle components could save someone’s life.

This speaks to Phayu’s pedantic nature with the added element of not wanting to deal with the consequences of disappointing Pakin. These machines are kind of like a puzzle to be solved.

But the catch is those things aren’t really his and they don’t truly belong to him.

In Episode 3 we can infer that sometimes clients may criticize his designs and he has to mould it to their liking instead of relying on his own vision.

In Episode 1 Prapai tells him your babies are so beautiful (referring to the motorcycles) but Phayu corrects him and says that they don’t belong to him.

But I think that although he doesn’t own these things and that he may be required to tailor the design of a house to someone else’s liking still these tasks scratch his itch for moulding and creating.

Then *enter stage left* a wild Rain appears, a blank canvas unmarred by past sexual or romantic experience. He has no expectations and no idea how anything works so he’s able to become a sort of pliable clay that Phayu can use his deft fingers to mold to his liking consequently making Rain his.

We can are shown how their relationship is mutually beneficial and how it works for them. Different folks have different strokes.

The glint in his eyes and the way Phayu all but shivers in excitement every time Rain tells him he can’t do something.

Episode 4 – "I’ll teach you"

Episode 6- "I'll train you to be the best rider"

In the infamous Daddy scene in the special episode he says "When I teach I teach to the core"

It’s not explicitly stated but I’m sure this man got off constantly at the fact that he was Rain’s first everything when it came to sex and romance and he is constantly in charge of moulding him.

We can definitely see how much of a diligent student and quick learner Rain is and how Phayu is consequently able to enjoy the fruits of his labour. (SIDE NOTE: I’m sure Phayu wasn’t prepared for the monster he created in Rain.)

I love the reciprocity in their relationship as Phayu shows Rain just how desired he is and worships him constantly.

(11) WHY HE WAS DEFINITELY A KID WHO HATED SHARING HIS TOYS

Phayu strikes me as a man who knows exactly what he wants and how to obtain it and when he finds it he will hold on to it and never let it go. We are given countless examples of Phayu’s blatant possessiveness over Rain once they begin their unorthodox courtship.

When after their first time Phayu says to Rain that he must repeat the phrase “Rain belongs to P’Phayu.”back to him.

This man heard that Pun was in Rain’s general vicinity and immediately drove to him to stake his claim. Also when he admits to being “insanely jealous” of Pun ever since he heard that Rain used to have a romantic interest in her.

He removes Saifah’s hand from Rain’s shoulder in Episode 4 and tells him to get back to work after Saifah suggests that he could teach Rain how to ride a super bike.

I do think this possessiveness is also in part because Phayu realises how much of a rare find Rain is and he will do everything in his power to ensure that they stay together forever. I also think in contrast, Rain’s possessiveness has more to do with him constantly having to fight off potential suitors because everyone is in love with Phayu (well the idea of him).

I appreciate however that his possessiveness isn’t portrayed as particularly toxic because in episode 5 when Phayu is having lunch with Sky and Rain and Rain tells Sky he loves him after he told him that Phayu and him were dating.

Instead of getting unreasonable jealous of Rain and Sky’s obviously platonic relationship, Phayu simply says that he has no reason to be jealous because he knows that Sky and Rain are just friends.

I think if they ever decided on venturing out and engaging in a threesome it would 100% be Rain’s idea in order to satiate his own curiosity. Phayu would go along with it (ever indulgent of his sweet boy) but he would probably have to be in control the entire time while simultaneously barking orders at the third party about how to pleasure Rain properly.

(12) THE SADISTIC LITTLE SHIT (AFFECTIONATE) AND HIS “DEK NGO” "DEK NARAK"

I know PhayuRain and their kink list is longer than the elevator ride to hell but I’m going to focus on what in my opinion is Phayu’s poison of choice. That is sadism and degradation.

More specifically emotional and psychological sadism mostly. I don’t think he’s particularly opposed to physical sadism though. In the special episode he said he punished Rain until he was sore but Rain liked it. Although this is vague and he could have been sore for different reasons we see in Episode 2 when Phayu is berating Rain for breaking into the illegal race that isn’t above spanking Rain.

I don’t really know for sure if Rain is a masochist though I think he is definitely willing to try things with Phayu but he didn’t really seem to enjoy the spanking but I guess that was mostly because they didn’t know each other that well.

So I think while Phayu is mainly an emotional sadist and he prefers it he partakes in physical sadism with Rain because I think Rain would prefer that more based on his personality. This is mainly because of his obvious praise kink.

(CC: Rain’s blissed out expression when Phayu whispered “keng mak” i.e. “Good job” in his ear in the bathroom stall scene after Rain had followed his instructions.)

So the degradation that comes along with emotional sadism may not be Rain’s cup of tea.

After the incident in Episode 3 where Phayu told Rain to change ‘ngo’ to ‘narak’ ; I think he realised how insecure Rain was about being called stupid and that this was a hard limit for Rain. We can see as the story progress after this incident where Phayu either calls him “naughty boy” or some version of good boy.

I do think that this is an example of how Phayu is willing to tailor and transform his kinks and compromise to ensure that Rain is comfortable. He realised that Rain responds far better to praise and made the necessary adjustments.

We also see Phayu’s penchant for degradation and humiliation in Episode 3 where he buys Rain extra small underwear. Although they were the correct size for Rain, Phayu had to throw in a little dick size shaming for his own amusement. The smug little smile after he riles Rain up about this speaks for itself.

However I wanted to fight him when he made my baby Rain cry in episode 5 after he made Rain think that he didn’t want to be with him anymore. Although I kind of feel like this was sort of more punishment for the fact that Rain ran off after their first time in Episode 4 and made him worry. I guess it’s safe to add dacryphilia to their long ass kink list. Phayu you sadistic little shit.

If we also listen to the words of Phayu in his little speech before they make out in episode 5, I swear the only thing missing from this was Phayu getting down on one knee and proposing to Rain.

He says:

We can see that he enjoys this and gets off on being the one to tease and degrade Rain. He knows Rain’s limits and he ensures that he follows up any degradation with praise as a salve to any open wounds he’s caused with his words. I think Rain eventually adapts to this part of Phayu however because in Episode 7 he tells Phayu that he is willing to let Phayu tease him forever.

I love how they are both willing to adapt and compromise to better serve each other’s needs. Phayu constantly keeps Rain off kilter constantly guessing, constantly teasing him but at the same time he ensures that Rain understands that Phayu loves him and he is valued.

Phayu is constantly and reflexively adjusting himself to meet Rain's needs from moment to moment and I applaud him for it. Good job Daddy you get a gold star for all your hard work.

(13) PHAYU THE INVENTOR OF HEALTHY COMMUNICATION

This definitely has to be one of my favourite things about Phayu. I’m sure Rain isn’t the first person Phayu has attempted to have some sort of D/s relationship with and at the core of this is communication, consent and boundaries.

D/s relationships especially 24/7 ones involve copious amounts of consent and negotiation and communication but I know that the show couldn’t necessarily explicitly address the fact that they are in a 24/7 D/s relationship so we don’t get any sit down moments where Phayu and Rain discuss it blatantly. However I would assume that at some point Phayu sat Rain down and explained to him what their dynamic is and what was expected of him.

We definitely see how much Phayu values communication in the Special Episode when Rain misreads a situation. Where he sees Phayu talking to Natsu on the couch in Phayu’s home. I mean to be fair sparks were flying between them. I don’t know if that was just a Boss thing because good God this man can generate sexual tension with a wall. (Went off on a tangent there moving on back to communication.)

I think that Phayu understands that Rain has a sort of inferiority complex that is made worse by people being constantly baffled as to how Rain ended up with a guy like Phayu. Rain also most likely due to immaturity and lack of life experience has a problem with communication and conflict resolution.

Phayu has to drag the confession out of Rain about why he’s upset with him. We see where this man has quite literally done nothing wrong yet still he gets on his knees to apologise and tries to make it up to Rain.

I love that Phayu possesses the maturity to never allow misunderstandings to remain unaddressed and fester. Although Rain may lack the maturity to speak up and directly tell Phayu what is bothering him in any given situation, Phayu ensures that they talk it out so that their conflicts do not go unresolved and that resentment does not have the opportunity to set in.

(14) PHAYU SEX & SEXUALITY

Phayu is an unapologetically shameless and sexual person. This comfortability in his sexuality and his lack of preoccupation with other people's opinion of him allows him to exude a calm self assurance and striking sex appeal subconsciously.

This comfortability with his own sexuality was displayed many times throughout the series. In Episode 3 when that are at the porridge shop and Phayu goads Rain into being unashamed of the fact that they were in public and on a date with each other.

In Episode 5 after Rain told Sky that he was dating Phayu he said he was happy that Rain told his best friend about them because he understands that he would be apprehensive in case Sky would start to see him differently. I like that he lets Rain come out on his own time and he doesn’t rush him. Lastly in Episode 6 Phayu proudly introduces Rain as his boyfriend to P’ Chai at the street race.

Phayu is a readymade character who has presumably gone through the stage in his life where he would have explored his sexuality and unusual proclivities and has come to the point of acceptance. I think that is why he is portrayed as someone who knows exactly what he likes and enjoys and is unashamed of it.

This is why he seems to be such a safe place for Rain to explore the full spectrum of his own sexuality. There is never any judgement in Phayu's eyes when they uncover another one of Rain’s off the walls kinks. We just see at most a sort of mild amusement and an instant willingness to acquiesce and indulge Rain.

Phayu being out and proud made Rain feel like it was ok to have these feelings so his apprehension about identifying as such quickly dissipated.He’s constantly willing to teach, indulge and hold Rain’s hand through this journey and I just think that’s so neat.

Everyone deserves to have a safe place like Phayu when dipping their toes in and navigating the troubled unpredictable waters of sex and sexuality especially when coming to terms with their own queerness.

WHAT IS PHAYU’S MAIN MOTIVATION THAT UNDERSCORES EVERYTHING SINGLE ACTION THAT HE TAKES?

The simple answer to this is control. This is important because I don’t see Phayu as someone who particularly chases after power but control? Yes most definitely.Power is the ability to make something happen. Control is the ability to make something happen the way you want. We are all created differently but Phayu needs control at all times in the same way we need oxygen to survive. It’s just the way his wires were crossed.

Phayu could have easily just admitted to Rain on their first meeting that he remembered him and he could have left it to chance how their encounter would have gone. He could have also gone through the Prapaiesque route and just pursued Rain himself.

But he was different; he made sure that he was in control of their dynamic from the very beginning. The aforementioned options left far too many variables that could have thrown a wrench in Phayu’s end game which was getting Rain.

He even somehow managed to get Rain to pursue him and have him think that it was his idea. Even though he was the one who liked Rain from the very beginning.

This desperate all-consuming need to be in control at all times is tempered by Phayu’s ability to adequately shoulder the responsibility that comes with that control. Everything he does is calculated. There is always an end goal. Consequently he thrives and is most content when he has someone like Rain to be in charge of in a sense.

The contentment and ease that seems to overtake Phayu when he and Rain are in an established relationship is a sight to see. He’s no longer untethered; he's firm and grounded.

CHARACTER’S RELATIONSHIP TO THE PLOT

There isn’t too much angst and the denouement/final conflict just concerns external factors and has nothing to do with Phayu Rain’s romantic relationship

The plot is just romance; from the meet cute in the rain to the established relationship. I love how we just felt like we were along for the ride to watch two men fall irrevocably in love with each other and fit together perfectly like puzzle pieces.

CHARACTER’S GROWTH AND DEVELOPMENT THROUGHOUT THE SERIES

I’m going to be honest I don’t think there was much life altering character growth with Phayu. When we meet Phayu he seems like a fully fleshed out character who knows what he wants and isn’t ashamed of his proclivities and sexuality so there is no room to explore there or for any consequent development. Phayu is a static character with no change in behaviour, and his values and attitudes remain pretty consistent throughout the entirety of the text and the series.

I don’t think I’m getting over PhayuRain anytime soon. If you got all the way to the end I hope you enjoyed my ramblings. Let me know if you guys have anything to add. The plot as well as the characters in this show were a far cry from perfect but I keep coming back to it so they must have done something right.

#phayurain #phayu lita #love in the air the series #boss chaikamon #phayu #payurain #noeul nuttarat #phayu love in the air #rain lita #phayu x rain #I’m obsessed with this man #it’s very unhealthy #makes constant grabby hands at his gender #Phayu’s my ideal gender presentation #he’s chaos incarnate and I just want to keep him in my pocket

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zombieunicorngamerzu · 10 months

Text

Jackie Taylor x fem reader

(Jackie Taylor x fem reader - reader with body dysmorphia)

[Warnings - Talk of eating disorders and body dysmorphia, closeted lesbians, love confession, first times, body worship, praise, gentle soft-top Jackie, fingering, oral, vibrator, thigh riding]

You were checking yourself in the locker room mirror for the fifth time, frowning with focus as you pulled down on your shirt, sucking in. You had always been a curvier girl, always comparing yourself to every other girl you saw and thinking in your mind, “That’s what a normal body looks like, skinny, toned, pretty, while you were just curvy, thick, chubby as every single guy you spoke to would say. That’s one of the reasons you were now a closeted lesbian, I mean, it was 1996, lesbians weren’t really excepted and the only open lesbian you knew was Van, she was a really good friend to you and she had close to the same body type as you, but she had confidence and you just didn’t, you wished you could be as non-caring as her.

Jackie frowned from the corner as she did Shauna’s paint for the field, she always kept an eye on you, as the leader of the team and one of your friends she had to, but also it may be because she feels a little something more… But anyways, she kept seeing you tug at your uniform. Jackie kinda knew you always had problems with body confidence and eating, you always denied snacks or food when offered and only ever ate an apple or a granola bar for lunch. She tried multiple times to offer you food but you always said you liked eating the same thing every day, that it gave you routine and structure. The way you said it made Jackie worry, she always worried about you because she knows of your family life. Your parents, whom she met on occasions were super overprotective, Christian, conservative, republican people who sheltered you way too much, you were actually homeschooled only until this year when you finally got your parents to let you go to school just so you could play soccer.

At first your parents didn’t agree, saying how they didn’t want you to wear the uniforms that were too short, but you were able to get a custom uniform online with sleeves that went down to your elbows and shorts that went down to your knees and you promised them that you would excel and you’d get amazing grades. It put a extreme amount of pressure on you to be perfect all the time, sometimes you forgot to eat, or you’d skip lunch and go to study hall instead. Everybody on the team really worried about you because of this, especially Jackie, Lottie, and Van. Luckily this year at school you had kept up with the perfect image, getting straight A’s, behaving good at home and school, and doing your absolute grueling best at soccer and practice so you could show your parents that you were the best, even your coach told you that you needed to relax at some point, but you always just said you liked to work and move, it keeps you distracted.

“Hey, Y/N, are you okay? Jackie spoke with concern as she walked over to you, pulling you out of your thoughts, giving her a quick smile which she saw straight through as you spoke, “Yeah, I’m fine, just fixing my shirt.” She only nodded and crossed her arms, giving you a gentle look, “That’s the sixth time you’ve fixed your shirt Y/N, look, you look gorgeous, okay?” She smiled brighter as she turned you to face yourself in the mirror, making you blush simply from her hands on your shoulders as she looked at you through the mirror, “Even with this baggy conservative ass uniform, your one of the very few that can pull it off and make it look sexy.” She finished, making your heart speed up, (Did Jackie really think you were sexy?) “I’m not really going for sexy, I don’t like when people notice me like that.” You mumbled out, you really liked to just be invisible. You loved to be the best at things, but you never wanted to be noticed for your efforts.

“Well then, sorry toots but you are, your pretty and so sexy that even with this uniform that covers up all your good bits, you have the boys always drooling after you like dogs with a bone.” She complimented you, Jackie was tying to hype you up, to be the team leader and give you a pep talk, but really all it did was make you embarrassed and shy, blushing, you didn’t really believe her, every time you got compliments you thought they were out of pity, of coarse Jackie would give you compliments, she’s perfect. “Isn’t that right girls, Y/N is absolutely beautiful?” She yelled out with a smile, getting rounds of playful wolf-whistled, noises, “Damn straight!” Van called out with a smile while whipping Taissa with a towel, making her jump and nod. “Yeah, Y/N, you have no idea how pretty you are, I wish I had your curves honestly.” Lottie just smiled and walked up to you with that little head tilt she does, her eyes soft as she reached for your hands, looking you in the eyes, “Y/N, you shouldn’t even waste time worrying about your looks, your absolutely adorable and one of our best players, we all see how hard you work yourself, your beautiful and you shouldn’t ever think otherwise.” You smiled tenderly at Lottie’s little pep talk, but Jackie, Jackie honestly felt a wave of jealousy watching Lottie with you, a quick frown crossing her face, (Why did Lotties pep talk comfort you but hers didn’t, what’s so special about Lottie?” She thought, unconsciously dropping her hands from your shoulders to your waist to hug you from behind and nuzzle your shoulder with a smile, pretending to playfully pull you back against her in a “friendly” hug and totally not just doing that to get you away from Lottie.

You just laughed a little with a pink blush from all the attention, compliments, and Jackie’s hug, your heart was pattering so fast you were terrified Jackie would feel it or somehow see how you had this overwhelming crush on her. Jackie finally pulled back from the hug, calling the girls so you could head out onto the field and start practice, “Alright, let’s go Yellowjackets!” She cheered with a jump before you were all jogging out onto the field for another day of grueling practice. You worked your ass off like usual, only today you were driven by anger, or self-hatred, you were running and sweating, trying to mentally burn off as many calories as possible, really pushing yourself today, and it didn’t help that the softball boys were practicing right on the open field beside the team, shouting wolf-whistles and gross compliments. It only spurred you on more, which the team seemed to notice your attitude, getting some worried glances from the girls and coach, but Jackie was paying the most attention, coming over to you after practice as you were sitting on the grass, panting heavily while tying your shoes, sitting down next to you, “Hey, Y/N, nice footwork out there, what’s got you so pumped?” She tried to seem like she was teasing, her smile as she nudged your shoulder with hers, nodding over towards the boys, “You trying to make a good show for the boys?”

She just teased lightheartedly, Jackie really hoped that you didn’t like any of the boys, but she just wanted to use that as an excuse. She didn’t know if you were interested in her the way she was into you, and really, Jackie herself was severely confused about her sexuality but after so many nights fantasizing about what it would be like to be with a girl, only being able to masterbate and cum to the thought of girls, she assumed she was definitely lesbian. Even when she was dating Jeff she had to fake so many orgasms, she was only with him to try to convince herself to be straight, but eventually she just knew it would never work so she broke it off. You frowned at her question, you always got so worked up when Jackie would tease you about being interested In boys, that’s one of the reasons why Jackie did it, she thought you were adorable when you got flustered, your scoff as you looked up at her, “What? Of coarse not, they disgust me just from their stares.” You grumbled out, that was the truth, men just disgusted you, even from a young age while girls were fawning and gushing over boys you never got that attraction, you forced yourself to “date” like three boys in your lifetime and every single time all they ever said was, (They liked that you were thicker than other girls.) It just made you feel disgusted by your own body, knowing that was all you were seen for was… heartbreaking for you, and you grew a hated towards men instead. “You were just really working yourself out there, even Lottie couldn’t keep up with you.” Jackie chuckled with a worried look, but you were too busy looking down at your shoes, sighing, “Look Jackie, I’m fine, I just wanted to do my best.”

“Oh that was definitely your best, I’m proud of you.” Jackie smiled, putting her hand on your back in soothing rubs, making you soften a little bit and blush, looking up at her with a more sullen look of defeat, you were really tired and it was hard to keep hiding your feelings, Jackie’s expression softened too at your look, silently giving you a look of understanding as she spoke gently, “Hey, it’s Friday, how about you text your parents and ask if you can spend the night for a sleepover at my place?” You immediately smiled a little at the idea, your parents met Jackie already and they got the best impression from her and met her parents, they thought Jackie was the perfect little princess, (due to Jackie’s amazing acting skills) she won your parents trust and favor. So when you texted your parents while getting dressed in the locker room after practice, you got a yes as long as you were home by Sunday for church. Smiling at your phone before shutting your locker, you looked over at Jackie with excitement and relief, “They said I could-“ Jackie cut you off with a teasing smile and tone with her hands on her hips, “As long as your home by Sunday, yeah, yeah.” You giggled at Jackie which made her only smile more, she loved it when she got to make you smile or laugh, you rarely ever did due to your constant state of stress, so she treasured those moments.

“Come on, let’s go.” Jackie smiled as she jingled her keys, giving you a playful look as she wiggled her brows, you just smiled gently with a nod, grabbing your duffel bag before heading out with her to the parking lot. You got stopped by Jeff and some of his boys in a truck next to Jackie’s car, you could practically predict some sexual remarks as soon as you saw their smiles and stares, like predators with their prey, Jackie grabbed your hand immediately with a confident look on her face, leaning closer to you to speak gently, “Hey, don’t worry, their just assholes, ignore them.” She gave you a gentle squeeze with your hand in hers, you always felt so protected by Jackie, it made you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, your heart was pounding as she led you to her car, one of the boys shouting out from the trunk of the truck, “Hey, church mouse, show us your tits!” Jackie glared burning holes into the guys, that was your name at school, church mouse, it was derogatory because you were quiet, more private, and just a good girl overall. “Fuck off pervs, you wish!” Jackie spat back at them with a roll of her eyes, guiding you into her car before she got in on the other side, slamming the door and putting a tape in to turn on some music and drown out the guys before pulling out of the parking lot. “Hey, I’m sorry about those assholes, men only think one thing, sex, my mom always told me that.” Jackie gives you a gentle smile which you were grateful for. “It’s fine, thanks for standing up for me.” Jackie just nodded, her expression was so caring, reaching her hand over to place on your knee with a gentle squeeze, “Always.”

You got to Jackie’s house in about 30 minutes, she didn’t live too far, getting out of the car with your bag as she led you inside her house. Jackie’s parents were on vacation, which you didn’t know about, having the huge house all to yourselves which Jackie was practically jumping with excitement about as she led you up to her bedroom to settle in. “Are you hungry?” Jackie asked as soon as you both settled in, sitting down on her bed beside you, “I can order pizza or something while you take a shower.” She spoke with a hopeful tone that you’d say yes, she hadn’t seen you eat for the past couple of days and she noticed you’d lost some weight, your uniform shorts getting baggier than usual. You frowned at her words, you didn’t wanna say no and have her be suspicious, but also you didn’t wanna eat pizza, terrified of gaining weight. Jackie must have seen the worry and stress on your face, sitting up more in her bed to sit on her knees and take your hands, smiling reassuringly as she shook her head, “Or I can go downstairs and make us both fruit salads, Dad just got some fruit at the market the other day.” She tried to find to find someway to get you to relax and eat, “Because I’m starving, how does that sound.” You felt a wave of relief at her alternative suggestion, fruit wouldn’t hurt you as long as you didn’t overdue it, nodding with a small smile, “Yeah, sure, if it’s not too much trouble for you, I’m sorry to make you do that for me.” You apologized before she shook her head, “No, no, Y/N, i love doing things for you, go take a shower and I’ll come back up with a bowl for us and we can watch movies and just relax.” She smiled affectionately, getting out of bed swiftly.

You just nodded and headed to Jackie’s bathroom, she had one attached to her bedroom. You decided to take a quick hot shower, getting out once you were done before realizing you forgot to grab a change of clothes from your bag, cursing as you walked back into Jackie’s room, she wasn’t back yet so you just thought to drop your towel and get dressed, but unlucky or lucky for you Jackie was literally right at the door, holding two bowls, stopped with a burning blush and her mouth open as she caught a glimpse of your beautiful body through a wide crack in the door, since it was just you two, neither of you thought to close doors really. Jackie blinked a couple of times just in shock, you were so gorgeous, she just wanted to walk in and do unholy things to you, but she had to keep her secret until she was sure you weren’t straight. She decided to do a alternative, pretending to walk in with a loud. “OH! Sorry, Y/N, I thought you’d be done already.” She spoke quickly as she turned around quickly, you jumped with a burning blush on your cheeks at her having seen you naked, quickly pulling your shirt and shorts on, “God, I’m sorry Jackie- I didn’t even think.” She cut you off with a shake of her head before turning around once you were dressed with a blush, “No, hey- it’s okay, we’re both girls.” She chuckled out nervously, trying to hide the fact that she is blushing so hard not from embarrassment but from attraction to you, handing you a bowl of fruit which you took before sitting back in a beanbag chair in her room, there was a couple moments of awkward silence as you took a few hesitant bites while Jackie met your eyes a few times, “Y/N, you know your beautiful, right?” Her sudden words caught you off guard, rolling your eyes with a sigh which Jackie caught, “Hey, I’m serious Y/N, you are.” You just shook your head, speaking out mid-chew,

“Of coarse you’d say that, your literally perfect Jackie.” Your words made her blush with a soft smile as she stared over at you with a affectionate look. “I’m not perfect, but thank you.” She spoke shyer, shrugging before speaking again as she sat down her bowl, watching you eat while biting her lip, she was trying to be careful with what she said. “Y/N, can I tell you something?” You looked up at the hesitancy In her tone, nodding as you gave her your full attention as she stood up to sit closer to you in her bed, “I have a crush, on this person… and I’m not sure they feel the same way I do.” You felt your heart shatter at her words, at seeing your brief expression because she felt her heart flutter with hope, just a friend wouldn’t look so devastated at her best friends confession, you didn’t really know what to say except, “Oh, um, well- why don’t you just tell them, be blunt, the worst they can do is say no.” You shrugged, you were always a no none sense, blunt kinda person, you hated wasting time and beating around the bush. Jackie just smiled and chuckled at your advice, she always admired your advice, looking down as she spoke, “It’s not that easy, their a friend of mine and I don’t wanna ruin our friendship.” You shifted in your spot with empathy for her, it felt super awkward to give her relationship advice while your heart was breaking at the thought of Jackie being with anyone, “If they make you happy and it’s torture not being with them, isn’t it worth the risk instead of suffering?” You spoke from your heart, realizing how close you and Jackie were when you saw her nod, her eyes briefly flickering down to your lips, god- you were such a hypocrite, and fuck- why is she so pretty?

“She’s too important for me to loose.” Jackie spoke out softly before her eyes widened, realizing what she just confessed when she saw your expression change, it wasn’t hard to click the pieces together just the, she meant you, Jackie liked you? You knew it was you as soon as she said, she. Jackie quickly just took in your shocked expression before catching you copy her, your eyes flickering down to her lips, making her swallow and slowly lean in closer, her heart racing when you didn’t pull away, her hand reaching up to your cheek before she pressed her lips against yours in a slow, passionate, deep kiss, sighing out against your lips in pure relief when you started to kiss her back. You were so happy you couldn’t help but smile against her lips, making her smile too, pulling away with such a bright smile it made your heart flutter, the both of you catching your breath as you stared into each others eyes, her voice was a little raspier than normal, making you flush, “I’ve wanted to do that for so long.” Her words shocked you, you were so sure Jackie was straight, you’d trained yourself to be heartbroken and miserable your whole friendship with Jackie while watching her with Jeff, but now she was confessing she liked you? It felt like a dream. You just stared at her with this look in your eyes that made Jackie heat up, you looked so adorable to her, leaning back closer as she sat up on her knees, cupping your cheek with a soft tone,

“Your so beautiful… please, let me show you how beautiful I think you are.” Jackie husked out while slowly pushing you down on her bed, carefully straddling your lap with a shutter when she felt how hot you were against her core through the thin fabric of both of yours sleep shorts, god she was embarrassingly wet already, sighing out as her eyes fluttered, looking down at you as she gently slid her hands under your shirt to your hips, rasping out, “Is this okay, Y/N?” She asked you gently, watching your expression for any signs of discomfort. You just nodded with a breathy, “Yes, Jackie…” She smiled down at you so sexy, rolling her tongue against her teeth before leaning down to kiss you slow and deep, nibbling on your bottom lip a few times as she rolled her hips for the first time, the noise you made against Jackie’s lips made her groan, pulling back with a nuzzle to your nose, tugging your shirt off over your head, “Your so fucking perfect, Y/N, I swear to god…” she spoke with such passion and adoration as she squirmed in your lap to sit back and kiss down your neck to your chest, her hand sliding behind your back for your bra clasp, making you shutter as she spoke again for consent, her breath against your ear as she pushed down against you, “Can I?” You were hesitant this time which she noticed immediately, skipping your bra to rub your back and pepper more kisses across your gave this time which made you giggle, “Jackie…”

She smiled at your giggles, “What? I’m just appreciating the beautiful baby girl I have under me.” Her words made you blush, rolling your eyes before Jackie cupped your chin and guided your eyes back to hers with a more sensual tone, “I mean it, Y/N, I mean it when I say your beautiful and perfect and sweet and gorgeous…” The more she spoke the more embarrassed you got, so you decided to change the roles, pushing up your hips before grabbing Jackie’s waist to flip the two of you, getting a surprised squeal from her as her head hit the pillows, the bed squeaking as you threw your leg over her waist to straddle her instead, you had a tendency to get defensive or controlling when embarrassed or vulnerable, leaning down to husk against her hips with a lustful look,

“I think the beautiful one here is you, why don’t I show you instead?” Jackie just blushed, biting her lip, she wanted to worship you, to show you that you were gorgeous and that she wanted to take care of you, but also she didn’t wanna deny you the pleasure of getting to take control either if that’s what you needed, she’d be happy to receive.

“H-hey um- I have a vibrator in my dresser if-“ You were already reaching for her nightstand before she finished, making Jackie smile as she sat up on her elbows, laughing as you almost fell out of bed, you were just too eager and excited to see how Jackie would respond to pleasure, I mean you thought about, fantasized about it, but to get the real thing? Oh god… You were quick to crawl back to her side, and oh god, the smile on Jackie’s face was so adorable, like she only had eyes for you, leaning down to kiss her delicately before clicking on the tiny pink vibrator, deepening the kiss as you spread her thighs open more, making her sigh out against your lips, her eyes fluttering as you pressed the vibrator to her clit, moaning into your mouth with a shaky gasp, “Y-Y/N, O-Oh fuck- baby…” she was already panting against your lips, laying back in a arch as you circled the vibrator around her clit.

You bit your lip with a soft moan at watching her, making Jackie get louder. Jackie was panting, trembling, and squirming as she gripped at her sheets. When she heard your soft breathes and moans it only spurred her on, her voice getting higher and shakier before screaming slightly as you turned the vibe on a higher pace with a smile, “Y/N!” You only giggled out innocently, sliding your free hand up her torso to her cheek, caressing it while pressing the vibe harder against her clit, wiggling it as you leant down to nuzzle her cheek with a kiss, husking out the words that sent her over the edge, “Cum for me, Jackie…”

As soon as Jackie heard those words and locked eyes with you, she was gasping quickly and tensing, her face twisting into a pained-pleasurable expression while her mouth dropped open in a breathy-whiney moan while trying to maintain eye contact, she came harder than she ever had, screaming out at the intensity of her orgasm and the stimulation on her clit, crying as she lurched up, kissing you roughly so you could swallow her whimpers, slowly calming down into breathy pants, you watched as she slowly started to slump back down in a flushed mess, taking the vibrator off her clit before laying next to her, kissing her cheek, “Your so beautiful Jackie…” she chuckled out breathlessly before whining, her face scrunching up, “I was supposed to make you feel cared for, not the other way around…” You just giggled, you feel alot more comfortable at Jackie’s side after making her cum.

Suddenly after a couple minutes of snuggling and silence, Jackie sat up with a soft look before reaching for your shorts with a experimental tug while locking eyes with you, asking for permission, “A-Are you okay with me- you know… using my mouth on you?” Jackie spoke out so softly, a timid look on her face as she bit her lip with such a pouty look like a puppy, “Please? I wanna taste you, Y/N…” she practically whined out, making you whine at her cuteness, feeling a little embarrassed and self conscious about what she’s going to think about seeing you but Jackie just tapped your thigh, she saw you overthinking so she kissed your inner thigh, “Baby? Hey, i mean it when i say your beautiful. Every. Single. Fucking. Part. Of. You.” She spoke out between kisses as she slowly pulled off your shorts and panties, she looked completely in awe at the sight of your soaked pussy, her breath quickening as you saw her pupils dilate, her lips twitching into a smile, she looked disheveled, wild, primal, she looked like she wanted to devour you.

And devour you, she did.

Jackie immediately got to work at the first nod of permission, she didn’t use her vibrator, she didn’t need it, she was determined to pleasure you and she damn well was gonna show you how much she meant she cared about you, crawling up into her knees as she bent down into a arch, spreading your thighs open while rubbing her hands up and down your inner thighs soothingly, she thought your thighs were so soft and squishy, mumbling out to you, “I can’t wait to have you squeeze your thighs around my head baby.” Her words made your jaw drop, blushing so red as you let out a noise you didn’t know you could make, Jackie just smiled wildly, pushing your thighs up to your chest and holding them there before burying her face between your thighs. She went wild, pushing her tongue straight through your folds like she was starved, sucking on your clit before darting her tongue inside you, making you gasp out a moan, jerking with such surprise at the intensity of her actions. (Fuck, you really didn’t know Jackie was so good at this) Jackie ate you out like a starved woman, moaning and sighing out against your clit, every roll of her tongue and suck made you make noises you didn’t even know existed and Jackie was so fucking proud of herself, when Jackie pushed a finger inside you, you were surprised at how different hers felt from your own, it was different, but Jackie’s fingers were almost as experienced as yours, she knew exactly where to curl and pump, suckling on your clit while she flicked her tongue over your bud all while pumping her fingers at a quicker pace, it wasn’t long before you were trembling and tensing with a loud cry, clamping down on Jackie’s fingers so tight it made her moan as you came, covering her fingers in cum which she licked up every drop, her voice was so husky and hot when she spoke, you were recovering from your earth shattering orgasm, vision still back with muffled hearing as you heard her,

“Good girl, baby.”

You just smiled lazily, panting heavily as Jackie squirmed to lay down beside you, wrapping her arms around your waist to spoon you and kiss your shoulder, “Im so proud of you baby, your so fucking pretty when you cum.” You just rolled your eyes, making Jackie frown a little, tightening her arms around your waist, “Y/N, do I need to fuck you in front of my mirror and make you watch yourself until you believe it?” You choked on nothing at her words, eyes widening with your mouth open in shock at her words.

You had no idea how serious she was to do it either.

(Worked all fucking day on this masterpiece, nobody can convince me Jackie was straight, sorry not sorry)

#yellowjackets x reader #jackie taylor #jackie taylor x reader #yellowjackets #yellowjackets showtime

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shegeekery · 3 months

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Reparenting Loki

I want to talk about a dynamic in the Loki/Mobius relationship (in the Loki TV-series) that I've seen touched on but not really discussed in depth.

Note to Lokius-lovers: nothing I say here in any way precludes a healthy romantic relationship. They're both consenting adults, after all, and this wasn't a formal therapist-client relationship.

There's a technique in therapy called "reparenting". The idea is that trauma and behaviors caused by bad parenting can be addressed to some extent if the therapist assumes the role of a "good parent".

I think we can all agree that the "All-Father" was crap as an actual father. Odin knew that Loki took after him even more than Thor did, but many of those shared traits were things that he tried to hide from everyone, while Thor better represented the image he wanted to project. The result was a cruel favoritism, which was picked up by Thor and the rest of the Asgardians. Frigga's love and support wasn't enough to counteract that cruelty, particularly in a strongly patriarchal society like Asgard.

Side note (because I'm that kind of geek): there were so many similarities between Odin and Loki (Odin's friend and blood-brother rather than his son) in the old Norse myths that some scholars have suggested that Loki was at one point simply an aspect of Odin. There's also evidence that the stories as they came down to us were manipulated by the Christians who committed them to writing to shoehorn Loki into something more like the Christian Devil.

Anyway, getting back to our guys... Within the context of the TVA, Mobius represented an authority figure to Loki, who had a long history of rebelling against (or betraying) authority for obvious reasons.

I think the first turning point in the relationship for Loki was:

Loki: I am smart!

Mobius: I know. Loki is rarely left speechless, but his only response to Mobius's simple affirmation was a very un-Loki-like "Okay..." He didn't know how to respond because he wasn't used to that kind of thing, particularly from someone who had power over him. It happened again with:

Loki: A villain.

Mobius: That's not how I see it.

The dynamic between these two people throughout Season 1 was like that. Mobius's genuine love (whether you read it as romantic, platonic, fatherly, brotherly, or a mix of any or all of these) for and non-judgmental acceptance of Loki was apparent from the start, but of course Loki's experiences during his very long lifetime made it nearly impossible for him to trust that until Mobius's actions convinced him that it was real. Learning to trust Mobius also allowed Loki to see himself in a new light.

For his part, Mobius consistently modeled what a good father would have been: loving and accepting, yes, but still able to apply "tough love" when that was warranted. Mobius didn't put Loki into the bad-memory loop to punish him because he was angry (though he was angry, or at least a bit hurt and disappointed). He was just trying to force Loki to acknowledge a truth about himself so that they could move forward — and it worked!

Mobius's instincts and experience as an actual father to two boys, one reasonably well-behaved and the other a mischievous troublemaker, served him well in this, even if he didn't consciously remember his life on the timeline.

Mobius all but confirmed this when he said:

Mobius: I see a scared little boy, shivering in the cold...

It's also significant that when Loki brought this up later, he called it "patronizing", which we usually use to mean "condescending", but can also mean "supporting" and has its root in the Latin word "pater" (father).

I see the hug in episode 1-5 as a sign that the reparenting had taken hold, and that Loki, while not completely healed (it would take a lot more than that!), was at least in a place where he could trust someone, accept love/friendship, and think beyond his own wants and needs.

By Season 2, the relationship between the two men was evolving into one of equals, but even then Loki still occasionally looked to Mobius for guidance. Mobius's approval had become important to him. When Loki witnessed the firm but compassionate way in which Don dealt with two boys who were so like himself and Thor (despite being a stressed-out single dad rather than a god-king with tremendous resources at his disposal), he had to have seen that this was at the core of who Mobius was. Moreover, Loki — and any viewers who had similarly survived a traumatic childhood full of emotional abuse and neglect — probably guessed that Don himself was a survivor who was determined to see to it that his boys would never have to deal with that. If that was the case, then Mobius didn't just see his own son in Loki. He saw himself and couldn't help but empathize.

Don wasn't perfect. His frustration with his younger son was very evident, but Loki, observing, could see the love that lay under it. He may even have thought of times when Odin was driven to anger by Loki's actions and realized that the anger didn't necessarily mean that Odin didn't really love him. Learning to forgive what can be forgiven is another aspect of recovering from childhood trauma.

It's worth remembering that Mobius knew Loki in much the same way we do. We got to see the things that Loki never let anybody see: the fear, the vulnerability, the pain, the longing, and the sadness. (Doesn't hurt that TH can turn a simple reaction shot into a freakin' soliloquy!) The difference is that, while we only get to see the highlights (and lowlights) of Loki's life, Mobius had access to all of it and he had centuries to study it.

Mobius literally knew Loki better than anyone else in (or out) of the multiverse. How could he not love him? And for Loki, knowing that somebody who knew him that well genuinely cared so much for him (same with Sylvie, who understood him in ways that only another Loki could and vice-versa) had to have shaken him to his core and made him rethink a lot of things. The fact that it was Mobius to whom Loki turned in episode 2.6 when he thought he might have to kill Sylvie shows how much he still looked up to Mobius in many ways.

This was a show about redemption, yes, but also about healing from childhood trauma. They did an amazing job with it.

#loki #loki laufeyson #loki series #loki mcu #reparenting #lokius #mobius #childhood trauma

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patolemus · 3 months

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i don’t know why i am the way i am (there’s something in the static, i think i’ve been having revelations)

Rin has always been a believer. Both he and Yukio attended mass every Sunday at the monastery all their lives, grew up listening to Shiro and the other priests recite from the Bible—and this is the only book Rin knows almost by heart. The twins were baptized when they were younger, and despite his rebellious attitude, Rin has never wavered over that belief - whether that is because he was always surrounded by it or not - and it’s Yukio who’s gotten more skeptic about it as the years pass.

After Shiro dies, and Rin finds out he’s the son of Satan, Rin stops going to church. He doesn’t believe he’s welcomed at God’s house anymore, son of the original sinner that he is. He mourns the loss quietly, spending Sunday mornings in the quiet of his and Yukio’s abandoned dorm hoping he could be somewhere else.

(Alternatively, he could go to the chapel obsessively, turning his believes into a quest for absolution. Maybe if he behaves like a good Christian boy ought to do, if he follows the rules and proves Rin has not abandoned him, God will forgive him the sin of being born.)

Rin would want to have his confirmation—maybe he was in the middle of that process before Satan possessed Shiro. But now that holy instruments harm him, it’s like another sign that a demon isn’t welcomed, and that God has forsaken him. For that same reason, some of his favorite Bible verses harm him, and it’s through gritted teeth and clenched fists that he recites them in class and to himself, refusing to give them up because he’s turned tainted by his demon blood.

(When he first awakens, the night before the funeral, Rin takes a bottle full of holy water from the monastery’s reserves and tries dousing himself on them, thinking he might be able to cleanse himself of this curse with it. It burns, making his skin splotchy red and his eyes water from the pain. He’d always been able to touch it without issues before, but now it repels him. Rin falls to his knees in front of the altar, head bowed to the sculpture of Jesus crucified on the cross, and wonders for the first time if God has left him.)

(The burn fades within the hour, and Rin hates that most of all.)

Rin avoids mirrors the first few weeks after Shiro’s death, not wanting to see how he’s irrevocably changed. He hates the feeling of his longer canines when he runs his tongue over them, grimaces at the new, sharper shape of his ears, can’t barely take a look at his tail to stuff it under his shirt. He looks like he’s only just rolled out of bed, appearance shabby and unkept, but Rin prefers that to watching himself now that he’s no longer one of God’s creations.

He prays by his bedside every night - even more so now that he can’t go to mass, Rin has started praying obsessively since Shiro died - has his rosary around his neck even though it makes his skin itch and takes it everywhere he goes. He always blesses the table before eating, thanking God for the food he’s provided for them.

Every time he uses his flames, Rin feels like a sinner. This are the flames of Satan, the flames of the original sinner, God’s antithesis. Using them feels like forsaking God just like God has forsaken him, but Rin finds no joy in it. As the flames die out and Rin’s freaky demonic features recede, he bows his head and prays. “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned,” he says, trying and failing to feel better about himself.

His friends notice, after all secrets are out in the open and Rin doesn’t have to hide them anymore, and they look at him strangely for it, like his apology to God is out of the norm. Maybe they don’t think Rin would be religious, as the son of Satan. Maybe they just think it’s strange that he’s looking for absolution. They don’t comment on it until much later, when Bon tells him that he’s not a sinner just because he uses Satan’s flames. Bon is much smarter than Rin, so infinitely smarter, so Rin tries to believe him. He never stops praying though.

When he first realizes his feelings for Bon are less than platonic, his first instinct is to go to the confessionary and confess his sin. But the only priest he’s confessed to is Shiro, and Shiro is dead (Shiro is dead), and what priest would give absolution to a demon? So Rin doesn’t go, stewing on his guilt and thinking about it obsessively (“Forgive me father, for I have sinned. This is my first-tenth-hundredth-thousandth confession.” “Forgive me Father, for I want, and I do not know how to stop wanting.”). Is it because he’s the Son of Satan? Was he born a sinner, always meant to stray from God’s path like Satan did? How can he follow God’s will when he’s fallen in love with a boy?

Later, he realizes Shiro would have probably been fine with it, and if Shiro approves… maybe it’s not so wrong. Maybe Rin isn’t sinning when he looks at Bon feeling butterflies in his stomach, isn’t straying from God’s intended path when Bon’s laugh makes him happy. And if this is not a sin then maybe being a halfling isn’t either. Maybe it’s not God that has forsaken him, but the Catholic Church.

(The Vatican will never love him. They have casted him as the villain before he could even prove himself one of God’s believers, and they’ll never let him forget who his father is, and what he’s done. He’ll never be able to visit freely, to marvel at the beautiful structures and the holiness of it all. It hurts. But it hurts less than thinking he’s beyond saving, that God has given up on saving him.

The Vatican can suck it.)

Rin tries going to church again. It’s a daunting task, after days and weeks and months without stepping foot inside a chapel, but Rin finds himself sitting on the third row at the Sunday mass held near True Cross Academy, and feels the knot in his stomach loosen as he listens to the priest. It’s familiar. It’s liberating. Rin feels a little more like himself. Bon is waiting for him at the school gates when he’s done, looking immensely proud and Rin takes his hand in his and lets the feeling of contentment wash over him.

He still prays. He still blesses the table. He still recites verses of the Bible even if they hurt him, and he still refuses to go to a confessionary.

But he can stand to look at himself in the mirror now. He resumes his confirmation process, even knowing he may never be allowed the actual sacrament. He lets himself see a world where he can be the son of Satan and a good Christian, where he can love a boy who’s beautiful and good to him without disappointing God. It’s a different world than the one he lived in before, but Rin thinks it’s a world Shiro would be proud of.

It’s a start.

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(This is my interpretation as I was raised Catholic and went to a Catholic school all my life. I’m nowhere near as devoted as I’m making Rin here lol, but I grew up around Catholic religion and know people who are very hardcore Catholics, so this, as well as my own religious education, is where I draw my knowledge from.)

(Also, I want to clarify that a lot of Rin’s thoughts are in no way healthy, and he will grow to let go of them in time. This is the result of a very traumatic situation that left him stranded with no sense of direction, and some of his actions stem from a need to overcompensate for being half demon. He’ll get better as he learns to deal with that reality.)

Update: my brain won’t stop eating at me so this has turned into a thing (tm). Let’s call it revelations au because I think I’m funny. You can find all my posts about it through that tag in my profile.

#patolemus thinks #that never ends well #the religious guilt!au I didn’t know I needed #this might turn into an actual fic who knows #definitely not me #rin okumura #my baby is going through it #bonrin #rin x bon #ao no exorcist #blue exorcist #religion #religious guilt #fanfic #fanfiction #writing prompt #revelations au

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bounded-accuracy · 4 months

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One of the most fascinating corners of Fantasy High lore is the existence of hardcore Helio worshippers. Because, in Solace,

hell provably exists

you can find out exactly who went there and why

In our universe, the uncertainty about hell is a massive factor in why evangelicals behave the way they do. Like, people love to argue with biblical literalists about how a loving God wouldn’t be so judgmental. But it doesn’t matter. God might turn out to be chill… but they can’t be 100% sure. And hell is potentially REALLY bad. So they’ll act on the assumption that God is the most ridiculous tightass imaginable, and maybe get pleasantly surprised later.

But for Helio worshippers, they can find out exactly what criteria matters (or not) for hell. They don’t have to be hyper strict just to be on the safe side. Hell isn’t this nebulous threat of infinite proportions, it’s very concrete. It’s also not eternal/inescapable. People can straight-up leave, given the right magic.

I wonder if churches of Helio explicitly forbid contact with other planes? I guess it could be similar to Christian prohibitions on mediums and contacting spirits (except that in Solace you can actually talk to spirits lol). Maybe they say it’s all a trick, that no one is actually seeing the “real” version of hell? But resurrection exists, and people do see the afterlife there — maybe they treat those like real-world near-death experiences, and say they’re just random neuron activations (which would be a very funny solution, because in our universe Christians loooooove citing NDEs as evidence of life after death).

Anyway, I think it’s an interesting area to speculate on.

#dimension 20 #fantasy high #d20 fantasy high #d20 fhjy #helio #kristen applebees #the applebees #bucky applebees #exvangelical

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itsgxsly · 1 year

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LITTLE LION

Summary: when you became a single mom a few years ago who knew you would find love again in the form of a red bull driver

Pairing: max verstappen x reader

Warnings: teen pregnancy

Word Count: 1268

Being a single mother at an age as young as 19 had changed your life plans a lot in the nine months you were carrying your baby. When your asshole ex-boyfriend dumped you a few months before giving birth, your life seemed to fall from grace at that very moment. When your baby was born, even with the help of your parents you didn't want to stop taking care of him yourself, so you put your studies on hold to dedicate as much as you could to your little boy. But when you saw that the expenses of a baby were greater than you thought and you did not want to abuse your parents' hospitality, you started looking for a job that would allow you to cover the necessary economic expenses and be able to continue raising your child. After a few months of searching and several resumes and rejections, the sky opened when Red Bull, the famous Formula 1 team offered you a job as one of their marketing staff.

That was three years ago, and you couldn't be more grateful to the whole team and what they had done for you. Even with all the comments that were made about them many times and even though there were certain people among them that you thought were horrible, you felt proud to be part of something like that and the family you had found working there. At first it was difficult for you to adapt since traveling with such a small child was complicated, but over time you and Noah, your son, got used to the hustle and bustle of race weeks, your son ended up falling in love with the sport by practically growing up in it. The mechanics and other members of the team loved seeing your three year old running around the garages and even Christian Horner had developed a soft spot for the young red bull fan and his mother, being quite permissive with the two of you.

But the real person who had developed a soft spot for you and your son had been Red Bull's golden boy, Max Verstappen. You two had met when Max joined the team as their driver the same year that you joined them to work there. And being the two rookies in that world you found comfort in each other, and when Max met your son, he fell in love with him just as quickly as his mother. During the three years that you had known each other, you had ended up behaving like a small family, although you had not yet labeled your relationship, Max was already a father to your son, taking care of him with you or when you were not available, always delighted to have little Noah in his arms, and the feeling seemed to be mutual as your boy was always loving to snuggle up in the Dutchman's arms.

It was race weekend and you were arriving at the Red Bull garage looking for your son, who you assumed that since he was not by your side he would be glued to Max while he was taking care of things related to the car. When you arrived, you spotted Daniel dressed in his Renault jumpsuit swarming around the Paddock. You smiled when he approached you.

"Well, if it's not the future Mrs. Verstappen" ever since Daniel had been at Red Bull while you were working with them, he had kept that joke going when he saw you and Max.

“I am looking for Max and his little shadow. Have you seen them by any chance?” You asked him ignoring how he called you.

“I just talked to him and the little lion recently. Max took him because he had to talk about something with his engineer, I guess they'll be inside the garage now” the nickname that came out of his mouth made you smile gracefully and raise an eyebrow.

"Little lion?" you questioned

“Yes, little lion, you know, Max is like a lion so since his son is like his shadow and looks like him, he is the little lion. The rest of the drivers say it too. I think I even heard Horner call him that once” he explained. You felt a tingling and loving feeling when Daniel referred to Noah as Max's son and not just yours. And you'd be lying if you said you didn't love the nickname.

"Well, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to look for the two lions to see what they're doing." You smiled for the last time at Daniel, who smiled back at you before each one went their own way.

As you walked into the Red Bull garage waving at some mechanics, you came to where you had visualized Max looking at something on the screens with his engineer. The sight before you melted your heart a little more than usual. Max stood with his eyes on the graphics on the screen as he nodded to what the man next to him was saying, but every now and then he moved his head to stare at the sleeping little boy in his arms. Your son seemed so comfortable with his head nestled in Max's neck that you were almost envious. After observing your boys in silence you finally approached them, when Max's engineer saw you he smiled at Max and you and then with a greeting he left to leave the little family alone. Max turned in your direction smiling softly when he had you in front of him. Without sudden movements so as not to wake up Noah, you stood on tiptoe with one hand on the back of Max neck to kiss him briefly. Max removed an arm from around Noah to wrap around your shoulders in his place and pull yourself closer to his chest.

"You know, Daniel said something to me coming here" you commented after the moment of peace as you both watched Noah sleep soundly.

"What did that idiot say now?" Max snorted thinking of everything that could have come out of Daniel Ricciardo's mouth.

“It has not been anything bad, in fact it has been pretty nice. He has said that some of the drivers and some people in the paddock have nicknamed Noah the little lion. He says that it is because you are a lion and he is your son and your little shadow” you told him what he had told you. "He has also called me future Mrs. Verstappen "

"And what do you think of both things?" Max asked you a little doubtful of your opinion regarding his place in your life.

“The little lion thing seemed adorable to me. Being your son, it's only fair that he receive a nickname similar to his father” you knew that Max was smiling when he kissed the crown of your head after hearing how you called Noah his son. "Mrs. Verstappen remains to be seen. I haven't seen any ring yet” you mocked him.

Max laughed at your last sentence.

"I can fix that soon, Schatz." He kissed your head one more time before you both hugged each other tighter than before.

The scene you gave was that of a beautiful family with a long future ahead of them. Everyone who passed smiled at the image of the Red Bull driver hugging the two most important people in his life in his arms. Anyone could see the love radiating from the three of you while you were in your little bubble of love and euphoria at the future that awaited you together.

#formula 1 #f1 weekend #f1 2022 #f1 fandom #f1 #max verstappen #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen x you #mv33 #mv1 #red bull #red bull racing #fluff

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chaifootsteps · 4 months

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I was at my wit's end with the SA joke on Pent, and the Lucifer v Alastor sing-off where Alastor claims he sees Charlie as a daughter figure. It doesn't make sense why Charlie is being babied so much in the series. I genuinely liked Pilot Charlie, this Charlie ain't my girl. Also since when was Al behaving like a parental figure to her - it literally came out of nowhere. Then I got a whiplash when I learnt the blonde, pale skinned dude was supposed to be St Peter. Viv...why? I was raised Catholic but no longer practising, and I'll say this: St Peter was a true brother, the type of man who'd throw hands to defend his friend. I always thought he was a cool disciple. How dare you, Viv, whitewash this man. Final straw was that, apparently, even Heaven doesn't know its own requirements.

... what? Look, I get if she's not fond of Christianity, but she borrows way too much from Abrahamic beliefs that even as someone who's disillusioned with religion, I feel offended by how cheap it is. The Good Place had a better portrayal of the unfair standards that can easily get you into hell than heaven.

In other news, the Lackadaisy vignette was adorable. I love Mordecai listing off random chess moves that I'm not even sure are real, and Viktor's "bro, let me play in peace" attitude. It's amazing how much one short can say about their characters. What cute kitties.

Stargazer Anon

In a sea of all this, the Lackadaisy vignette was an island in the middle of the ocean. Those precious cat men make everything a little more bearable.

#Anonymous #hazbin hotel critical #stargazer anon #viv stuff #actual blog post

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creature-wizard · 6 months

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"If the Law of Assumption is fake, what about the success stories?"

This is a question gotten a few times, so I figured I'd do a post on it.

First of all, the methods used by LOA practitioners to change their beliefs about themselves would certainly have profound psychological benefits to many people who'd internalized false beliefs about their personal agency and value as people. There are a lot of great brain hacks here to break yourself out of learned helplessness and unwittingly sabotaging yourself and others through the Pygmalion Effect.

Here I would like to state: if these methods have helped you regain your personal agency, learn to love yourself, and develop healthy relationships with people, then by all means keep doing them. There's nothing wrong with using affirmations or using a little make-believe to make yourself believe.

Next, there's really know way of knowing for sure whether the LOA actually had anything to do with people's apparent successes. Like if somebody tries to manifest money and finds a hundred dollar bill on the ground within a week, it doesn't necessarily mean that the LOA was the cause of that. Sometimes people just find dropped money; it's not exactly statistically improbable.

Of course, it also doesn't mean that they didn't somehow metaphysically arrange for a hundred dollar bill to come their way. But even if they did, it wouldn't prove that Neville Goddard was right about literally everything, much less the extreme solipsism he pushes in pieces like The Pruning Shears of Revision.

We've also got to remember confirmation bias, where people are more likely to remember things that support their beliefs and dismiss whatever doesn't. Somebody might try to manifest a hundred things, get five of those things, and count the five as proof the LOA works, ignoring the ninety five that didn't. The reality is that the more things you try to manifest, the more likely it is that at least one of them will actually happen.

Also, there's the whole affirm and persist/living in the end deal, where people are supposed to just behave as if they have everything they want. When you see people posting about their successes, they might just very well be trying to act as if their desires have already manifested. They might not actually have it at all.

Finally, people just lie sometimes. Tumblr itself was host to the infamous hivliving, a blogger who lied about having HIV, among... many other things. If you ever want to learn just how ridiculously dedicated someone can be to keeping up a lie online, look into the story of MsScribe sometime. If you think nobody in the LOA community is lying, I got a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you.

In fact, Neville Goddard most probably lied about some pretty important shit. You've probably learned that he learned about the Law of Assumption from this Ethiopian rabbi named Abdullah, who supposedly got it from Kabbalah.

The thing is, if you've studied mysticism and the occult for any length of time, you pretty quickly realize that claiming to have been taught by a mysterious foreigner is pretty much just code for "I pulled it out of my ass."

It's also pretty obvious that the Law of Assumption has more in common with New Thought and Protestant beliefs about divine reward and punishment than it does with Kabbalah, which is a closed practice to non-Jews. (If you want to know about the history of Kabbalah, and get enough of an idea of what it's actually about so that you know why the Law of Assumption has nothing to do with it, I recommend Dr. Justin Sledge's lecture series over here.)

Additionally, Goddard's claim that the Kabbalah actually supports his obviously Christian form of mysticism isn't only just absurd, it echoes centuries of antisemitic Christians claiming that Kabbalah actually proves that Jesus is the messiah in order to try and convert Jews.

Goddard's use of the Bible, by the way, is appalling. If you've ever read the texts he quote, it's obvious that he's just ripping passages completely out of context to spin them into something that was definitely never intended by the writers. In other words, he's blatantly lying. (And by the way, if you ever want to learn about the real history of early Christianity, I recommend the work of Dr. Bart D. Ehrman. He's also got a YouTube channel over here.)

Now tell me this: if Neville Goddard so blatantly and so brazenly lied about the source of his ideas, why should we believe him when he claims that the Law of Assumption can do literally anything? Shouldn't we consider that maybe, just maybe, he might have lied about some of that other stuff, too?

#law of assumption #loa #loassumption #neville goddard #abdullah

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eternal-kosmo-ghoul · 5 months

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*°:⋆ₓₒ day 15. praise kink

.｡❅*⋆⍋*∞*｡ “nice list”

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ — ❤︎ what a good pet you’ve been… and it looks like secondo has taken notice

pairing: papa secondo x gn!reader

a/n: think of it as a nice contrast to the spanking fic with terzo 🙏

cw: nsfw content. praise kink. pet names (?). sexual tension. secondo flirting. neck kissing. no actual sex happens. idk ahhh

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“you’ve been so well behaved as of lately.. i should treat you with something special tonight.” —❤︎

┅✦┅

you’ve always been a gentle, kind person.

always remained humble to your peers, and treated your superiors with respect and kindness. some may have called you a pure soul because of your constant kindness, sometimes a goody-two-shoes, but you’d rather remain respectful rather than resentful.

hell, you’d even go as far as to stay away from scandalous activity such as drinking, smoking, or anything that was sexual in nature. it was kind of ironic, considering you were living in a satanic church, surrounded by siblings and demons who constantly followed the narrative of going against standard christian rule— and by that they did anything that wasn’t chaste or pure in nature. you didn’t mind this kind of environment, if anything, it gave you a purpose within the ministry; to be the voice of reason and balance that the church desperately needed to continue running its operations.

that’s when papa emeritus ii, secondo, really started to take a liking to you.

he noticed your hard work. how you’d constantly look after the ghouls and make sure they didn’t tear each other apart. how you always assisted the siblings of sin with their chores, even if some of them gave you nasty attitudes. it’s something he didn’t see so often. why would such a gratifying person be willing to stay in a place such as this? he didn’t think someone like you could even last a day within the ministry.

but he was proven wrong multiple times.

secondo didn’t want this behavior to go unrewarded. no no no, you were probably one of the most loyal followers to date. you deserved some recognition for your hard work.

so that’s exactly what secondo did. right now, he was sitting in his office, tapping a pen against his desk rhythmically. he had called you to his office for a meeting, so now he was just awaiting for your presence, remaining as patient as ever.

right on the dime, the wooden door creaked open after several knocks sounded behind. you peaked your head into the small space, and secondo gave a warm smile, gesturing for you to come inside.

“don’t be shy, dearie. come on in.” secondo reassured. his sudden kindness caught you off guard. the emeritus was usually a lot more reserved, stoic and stern. so this was new.

needless to say, it was refreshing, and nice too. so you nodded and obliged. “oh yes— sorry about that.”

“no need to apologize.”

you closed the door behind you, and made your way to sit on the velvety seat that was positioned across from where secondo sat in his seat. you took a good look around his office. the fireplace was crackling with glowing embers to keep the place cozy and warm. old yule decorations strung up against the walls and ceiling to add a more welcoming feel to it. this kind of environment is truly something you wouldn’t expect from a man like secondo. he was such a commanding presence, you couldn’t help but feel intimidated by him from time to time. even now, it was a little suffocating to be around him.

the emeritus seemed to take notice of your nervousness, and he sighed, a small smile forming on his lips.

“please, don’t be afraid, angel. i promise i don’t bite.” secondo said with a light chuckle. your eyes widened, not realizing how easy it was to read your expression.

“s-sorry, i just got a little nervous.”

“again, no need to apologize. i’m used to people thinking i’m scary.”

a shocked expression took over your face, and you waved your hands to try and correct him. “ohh no no no that’s not what i—“

secondo just laughed at your reaction. “relax, honey. i’m just pulling your leg. no need to get all antsy over it.”

you paused for a moment, and let out a sigh of relief, wiping off invisible sweat from your forehead. “oh thank satan.”

the two of you sat in the office for a brief silence. that was until you decided to break it.

“so… why did you call me to your office? i’m going to assume it’s for something important.”

secondo tilted his head at this, and put his cup down.

“right…” he hummed. “well, i wanted to bring you here for a variety of reasons, mainly regarding your behavior and work within the ministry.”

you gulped at the sound of this. were you in trouble? no, you couldn’t be. you did too much a of a good job to be.

secondo then continued.

“you’ve always exceeded above and beyond my expectations with your resilience. you live in a place of sin, yet you don’t give into temptation, which is… baffling, but noble. you keep your morale levelheaded, and use it to help aid the ghouls and other siblings of sin. and through it all, you’ve kept your kindhearted nature.” all of his words were filled with praise and admiration for your work. it truly touched your heart. you weren’t expecting it, but it was… lovely.

“i… i don’t know what to say other than.. thank you.” you spoke bashfully, truly pleased by the recognition of your efforts.

“my pleasure.” he smiled. “a little birdie also told me that you’re preparing gifts for all of your peers for this year’s christmas. is that right?”

you nodded at this. “yes i am.”

secondo nodded. he got up from his seat and slowly walked around his desk to approach you. you yourself remained seated.

“hmmm.. and no one is getting you a gift, i assume?”

your heart skipped a bit from this. “well… i don’t mind. as long as my other peers are getting presents then—“

he cut you off before you could speak further.

“no no no. that just won’t do. you do a lot for our family, you deserve something in return.” secondo said with a more low, smooth voice. his body made its way behind the chair you were sitting on, and his hands moved to gently grip your shoulders.

the sudden contact made you gasp, but the warmth of his hands felt nice on your body. he then leaned down to whisper in your ear.

“you’ve been so good, doll face. you surely deserve more than what you get.” he whispered huskily, being sure to rub your shoulders in a way that had you squirming and panting. “and you deserve it all too, deserve praise and support for what you do… ohh i’ll be sure to give it to you.”

you tried to speak up, but secondo’s sudden flirty behavior made your voice sound meek. “s-secondo—“

“tell you what.” he started. “your gift from me will be some nice, old fashioned… loving. to show you how appreciated you are within this ministry, by me.”

your breath hitched. you could feel secondo nipping at your neck with soft, tender kisses, occasionally sucking on the skin. you sighed heavenly.

“you’ve been so well behaved as of lately.. i should treat you with something special tonight.”

“i.. i-i just..”

you couldn’t get the words out. you were too stunned. his touches were delicate to the core, and you felt like you were on cloud nine from each time he kissed your neck, you even tilted your head upwards to give him more room.

“don’t worry, baby. i’ll make sure you feel real good.” secondo smirked, still kissing your neck. as he did so, his hands slithered down to move under your shirt, resting his hands right underneath your chest and on your ribcage.

“so… how about it? you want me to give you my extra special christmas gift? as my gratitude for all of your hard work?”

damn. you couldn’t just say no. when would you ever get an oppylike this again? not in a million years

you whimpered and spoke. “please.”

he smirked. “now that’s what i like to hear.”

and he slowly started to slip your shirt off.

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#holiday hoes event #secondo #secondo x reader #papa secondo #secondo smut #papa secondo smut #papa emeritus smut #papa emeritus ii x reader #ghost bc x reader #ghost bc smut #smutty drabble #christmas prompts #christmas

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actiwitch · 6 months

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The Gods' myths sometimes include horrific or immoral aspects. That doesn't mean we should behave as if those myths dont exist!

(A Pagan perspective)

(tw: sa, misogyny)

When we are faced with myths that no longer fit in modern moral views (such as so much SA in Greek mythology alone there's a whole Wikipedia page on it) we should not shy away! Even if we don't like or approve of it, it's a part of the Gods' history and mythos.

All mythology is written by humans, and as such is unavoidably a product of its time. The way that anyone (including modern pagans) interprets the Gods as entities, or any interaction with them, is limited within our own culture, time period, and personal beliefs. By examining both the beliefs of the present and the past, we can decide for ourselves how we see the Gods while considering the context their myths were written in.

Even within one time period or similar group of people, such as modern pagans today, interpretations of the Gods can vary widely.

Zues is a cheating rapist. He is also a powerful god of the skies, lightning, and order.

Lucifer is literally the devil. An evil liar full of sins. And yet he is enlightening, independent, and honest.

Freyja is constantly associated (some say reduced) to sex. She uses her body for her gain, and is quite canonically called a slut. At the same time, she's the goddess of women! Of female power, both in mental skill and physical strength. She leads the Valkyries.

Loki is dark and deceptive, bringer of Ragnarok-- and he's a deity of change and freedom.

And neither is wrong. In mythology, both are true.

The Gods, all their aspects, and all the texts we have of them are complicated, complex, multifaceted, and interpretive- of course, there will be various understandings within pagan practices. No one view is superior to the other. Our understandings all exist on a scale, or rather some sort of mashup, of how important and what importance we attribute to various myths and aspects of deities.

When I worshipped Hera, I did so in two 'versions'. 1. Hera as resistance against men and abuse. I found solace and connection with her in powerful womanhood and female rage. I prayed to her before attending a pro-choice rally. And 2. Hera as a symbol of deep love, power, and marriage, and commitment. I lit her candle when my partner was over or when I needed a confidence boost.

These aspects never felt conflicting to me. Separate, maybe (I certainly wasn't thinking of any cheating or abuse in mythology as overlapping with the love and commitment)- but just part of one THING. Of Hera and everything surrounding her.

To many other deities of various 'immoral' aspects, these conflicting elements aren't just both present but often integral to their presence and worship.

Lucifer is often worshipped in rebellion. In healing from oppressive Christianity and finding light and understanding in that darkness.

Freyja is sexual! One of her many aspects. (which by the way, should not be seen as immoral. looking at yall, bs tumblr feminists) There is pleasure, joy, and power to be found in reclaiming that part of women we are told is shameful.

Loki is so much at once. He is outcast and destructive, and within that he spurs necessary change and chaos. So many pagans look to her as a symbol of queerness in the broadest sense and in facing the necessary chaos of growth.

TLDR: Don't just ignore aspects of mythology that feel uncomfortable (obviously unless something like trauma is involved). There is a lot to learn both from understanding the time and context their myths were written in as well as self-reflection on how certain myths or aspects of deities fit (or don't fit) within your practice.

#pagan #deites #paganism #deities #deitywork #norse paganism #deity work #paganblr #polytheist #hellenic polytheism #heathenry #the old gods #pagan witch #mythology #witch

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devildomwriter · 1 year

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Mephistopheles Christmas Interview

Mephistopheles: That concludes my list of questions, but…

MC: Yes?

Mephistopheles: There are a few things that confuse me about this holiday

MC: Really, like what?

Mephistopheles: So, your Santa and ours are fundamentally different; the first being yours is human and also doesn’t exist

MC: Yep

Mephistopheles: So because he didn’t exist, all adults everywhere around the world lie to kids in their developmental years about a chubby old man breaking and entering into your home while you sleep at night on Christmas eve.

MC: ….yep

Mephistopheles: And they threaten children to behave well, or they won’t get gifts from this man

MC: Yup.

Mephistopheles: So what about poor families? Maybe one gets an orange, and the neighbor gets a puppy. Do they think Santa hates them?

MC: They probably think they need to better next year

Mephistopheles: But what if they’re poorer, regardless

MC: Then they’ll think the same thing

Mephistopheles: And how about when they find out he’s fake? For years their parents and adults, the people they’re supposed to trust and go to advice for, reveal it’s all been a big lie…and they’re supposed to trust them again?

MC: Yep

Mephistopheles: And this Christmas was founded on the Christian religion and Jesus’s birth, right?

MC: Yes

Mephistopheles: Then why would children believe in god, whom they can’t see, when it’s revealed someone they supposedly could see wasn’t real to begin with? If their parents lied about Santa, couldn’t they be lying about that too? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not encouraging Christianity, but in my eyes, that doesn’t make any sense

MC: I know

Mephistopheles: You know? But then why don’t you tell others

MC: You try it. Watch the crowd of angry moms and dads descend upon you for ruining “Christmas magic.”

Mephistopheles: Wouldn’t they just be mad that their lie was revealed…keeping children ignorant because they think it’s fun is very selfish though the whole idea of asking for gifts is also selfish, so I suppose it’s along the same lines

Mephistopheles: And what happens when a kid isn’t told Santa is real?

MC: Then usually, they get really annoyed that every other child is stupid and that when they say he’s not real, everyone shouts back that he is, and the adults lie and agree with them. It’s infuriating.

Mephistopheles: You sound as though you’re speaking from experience.

MC: I am

Mephistopheles: So then, what’s your Christmas experience?

MC: Christmas to me is always magical because I never believed in the fake magic. I’m glad my parents never lied to me and had me take pictures with old men in suits just so they could put them in a photo album to look at when I’m not a child and hating them for years of lies.

Mephistopheles: For a human, you seem really against this…

MC: No, I love Christmas. I just hate lying to children.

Mephistopheles: Okay…so how’s this for the article’s title

Mephistopheles: “Tis the season for lying and building mistrust in adults and society”

MC: Yep, that sums it up pretty well.

Mephistopheles: And the other holidays?

MC: They lie too.

Mephistopheles: I should have guessed.

#obey me shall we date #obey me drabble #obey me skit #obey me mephistopheles #slight rank about how much I hated other parents as a child for lying to their kids #my pastor asked what their favorite part of Christmas was #this kid shouts that it’s Santa #I shout he’s not real and the entire room shouted back at me that he was #I was so mad they were all so stupid #25 days of obey me christmas #funny obey me

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ewanmitchelll · 1 year

Text

Imagine you are a Danish woman who falls in love with Osferth.

Warnings: smut/fluff.

Inspired by: Rosalía’s “LLYLM”; “Dark Paradise” by Lana del Rey.

***

You are a daughter of Jarl H/N who died fighting side by side to Ragnar Ragnarsson. Because he was already a widow by the time he went to those wars against Wessex, this meant you had only an elder brother. Hence why Ragnar thought prudent to honor his friend by adopting his children.

Now here you are, reaching maturity with your long y/c locks, y/c smooth skin and y/c eyes that are deep, keeper of unspoken dreams. You are not very inclined to sword fighting, though you are an excellent archer and always carry a dagger by your side—as taught by Ragnar, whom you started seeing him as a stepfather as well as Brida as a sort of the mother you’ve never had.

There is something good in you that your beauty seems to highlight—and even Uhtred Ragnarsson was not oblivious to it.

“Not Y/N, Uhtred. This one is like my daughter”, said Ragnar with a smile on his lips. “Go look somewhere else.”

“She is beautiful”, Uhtred groaned. “But out of respect for you, I will behave.”

You prefer to surround yourself in quiet contemplation, hence why you are found nearby a river, giving praise to your Gods when you occasionally spot a male...completely nude.

"Oh", you exclaim, surprised, though unable to look away.

“My lady!”, the other one shouts back, trying to cover himself. “Do close your eyes!”

He runs to grab his clothes and you find yourself reluctantly to look away. The said male is so captivating—and you are not even concentrating your thoughts solely on his manhood, but his muscles, his broad shoulders and the naivety in his eyes.

Yes. It’s about those eyes, so pretty and filled with an unique goodness you’ve never seen before in any other before—and it’s not as if you are very experienced in these matters, since you always amused yourself with flirtations but never going beyond that.

You are still watching by the time this tall man with short hair whose beautiful pair of eyes captured you comes in your direction to apologize for his misconduct.

“My lady, I had no intention to offend you. Please, accept my apologies”, he speaks softly.

And just like that you swoon.

Am I a fool? Oh Gods, you make me turn into one.

“Apologizes?”, you tilt your head, smiling rather shyly. “What for, sir? I was careless for letting myself find you.”

The man blushes and you almost beam at such a sight.

“I do not think so, my lady. I should have been careful”, he mumbles under his breath and all you wish is that he looks at you.

“You are dressed now, so it’s all amended”, you remark amused. “I am Y/N Y/LN. May I ask your name, good man?”

He finally raises his eyes and you like how he seems to fight away his shyness to speak to you, hands behind his back.

“I am Osferth, my lady. Despite the circumstances, I am pleased to make your acquaintance.”

“Would you care to join me in prayers, Osferth? I think the Gods have a plan for me since you are brought to me.” You smile wide at his blush upon your cheeky words.

“I fear to say… well, not fear, but I am a Christian. I do not think Gods have decided to such an occasion happen.” But as your face falls, Osferth comes to realize he’s making himself a fool. “I do not intend to disrespect you. Please forgive me. I… I suppose we can each pray to our own?”

As you nod, Osferth takes a seat by your side and, as much as he tries to concentrate, he cannot help himself. For when you close your eyes and start to meditate, you don’t seem to notice his long stare at you. Mesmerized by your beauty, Osferth admires the shade of y/c that paints your locks, your smooth y/c skin, the curves your gown seems to reinforce…

It’s not after a long moment in silence that when you open your eyes, you notice it.

“Is there something wrong, sir?”, you ask, between intrigued and embarrassed.

To be under his gaze makes you experiment different sensations, both physical and emotional. You are frightened to find them out, unable to escape the somewhat mystical bonding between you two. A perception that has not escaped Osferth’s attention either.

“Are you an angel, my lady?”

“I’m sorry?”, you repeat, confused.

“An angel”, he whispers. “Sent by the Lord. You are the prettiest of the women I’ve ever seen. Surely you are not part of this world, this...common, mundane and filth place where only a sword makes one victor above all else."

His voice is melodical, sweet, carried with a gentleness you rarely find in other men. Though you always read old icelandic tales about stories filled with love, mixed with adventures (and here you have in mind the story of Aslaug and Ragnar, for example, which according to an old tradition of your folk, occurred about a century earlier), the men you encountered with buried your hopes.

"I would not like to disappoint you, good Osferth", you whisper back. "But methinks I am more of a mundane creature than a divine one, even though I believe that my Gods and yours brought us here for a purpose".

The two of you share a smile, but this sacred union of souls alike ends when Brida searches for you. And when she finds you two, she heavily sighs.

"Really, Y/N? Of all men who pursuit your hand, you incline to flirt with a Christian?!"

You blush and part the gaze, ready to stand as Osferth offers his hand for you to take.

"He is a good man, mother. Please do not speak ill of him."

"How can you tell he is good if you two just met?"

"For a start, he treated me respectfully. You know well the men of our tribe would have kidnapped me if they had the chance."

And just like that you convinced Brida that Osferth could never do any wrong to you. It is how things start between you two.

***

You and Osferth begin to spend a lot of time together. He teaches you how to read and to write, activities that impress you. Soon, you and him decide to write down the stories you've been told as a child. Osferth is surprised by your good memory, and how much he learns from you.

On the other hand, you help him with archery and when there is music, Osferth actually dances with you.

The sight of how you smile to each other makes Ragnar sigh and Uhtred wonder how on earth you never looked at him in the first places

“A Christian”, Ragnar mutters under his breath. “Of all men around here, Y/N decides to fall in love with a Christian man.”

“Baby monk”, Uhtred grumbles. “Though he is a good guy, a warrior with surprisingly good skills for a fucking monk, he is…”.

It’s Brida who speaks what’s in most people’s thoughts, though:

“Methinks it’s the fact Y/N chose Osferth over you that is making you sigh dramatically, Uhtred.”

Amidst teasings, it becomes very obvious to all that whatever is going on between the two of you goes beyond physical attraction. But for some reason you and Osferth seem shy about getting the first steps.

Until one day he invites you to see the stars. Whilst the tribe is drowning itself in excessive drinking, you—on this day, dressed in silk red gown with details in blue, a fancy gift your adopted father gave you, which was actually sent from lady of the Mercians, Æthelflæd, when they met in one of these occasions—are content drinking mead. Unlike your family, you don’t like to exceed yourself much. Little wonder why you and Osferth get along so well. It’s when he comes for you.

“Lady Y/N, my greetings. I understand you are busy, occupied with such a feast, but I was wondering if you’d like to see the stars with me.”

He speaks softly and though he can be bold in battle—growing so after countless incursions by Uhtred’s side—, when it comes to women Osferth lacks the confidence. As much as he tries to follow his friend in such manners, he fears he cannot find a place in between heathen-like warrior behavior and proper Christian mindset.

But whatever the struggle that ignites within, Osferth finds peace with you. He can be himself, aware that you don’t judge him for being an atypical warrior monk. Even so, however, he still believes that you’d prefer him to be bold like the men of your tribe.

“Why, of course, sir”, you beam, extending your hand to him. “I was starting to think if you would ever take me out of this boring feast.”

Osferth smiles quietly, looking down as his hand intertwines with yours.

“I thought you’d like to stay. I saw you were dancing earlier.”

“How come you did not ask me to dance?”, you ask him, shooting him a hurtful glance.

As you two pass the noisy salon, you and Osferth ignore the eyebrows raised of Ragnar and the smirk on Uhtred’s lips. Or how the Irish keeps nudging the latter’s arm, laughing quietly, all the whilst Brida rolls her eyes. To think the two of you are leaving unnoticed…

“You were already busy”, Osferth defends himself. “I assumed your partner was a better one… You do know how terrible I look when it comes to music.”

You poke his sides playfully before you are led to a quiet spot Osferth’s been wishing to take you.

“And you know I couldn’t care less about it”, you smile at him.

Osferth blushes, refusing to meet your gaze, but he smiles quietly. His heart races at your words and there is so much he wishes to tell you.

“So here we are”, Osferth points to the grass where there is an old piece of blanket over it. “Please forgive my…”

You throw your hands around his neck, cutting his words.

“Your kindness is more than I deserve. Thank you for looking after me, Osferth.”

He smiles warmly, openly this time. When the two of you are settled, he asks you:

“Is this of your liking?”

“To be with you is of my liking”, you tell at long last.

Perhaps this is the effect of three meads, but you don’t seem to care. Your body may be warm, but your soul has been aching for him. Osferth feels it too.

“Whatever my soul is made of”, he whispers, pulling you closer to him, “I believe it’s made of yours.”

And saying so, he finally kisses you under the stars.

***

The kiss is sloppy at first. There are soft giggles in between, with neither knowing exactly how to go. But it does not take long before each togue pairs the other properly. You can tell that he’s been only shy, not inexperienced as part of you had hoped.

The way he grips around your waist is firm, and slowly his confidence shows it’s way when using his free hand to play with your hair, pulling it gently before cupping your face.

There is a moment where the kiss starts to lose control. You like how dominating he seems, how his tongue asserts control over yours, how breathless you both are. And every wall is knocked down easily. Just like that.

But Osferth’s conscience urges him to stop. When seeing a silent protest in your eyes, he does not look away, though, before saying:

“I want this to be perfect. I do not wish to deflower you right here, even if we have Christ as our witness in every inch of the nature He created.”

You tilt your head, rather unsure what to interpret from his words.

“I appreciate your respect, something I have rarely seen even amidst the folk I’ve been raised. But I must know… Did I do something wrong?”

“No, no. Please, do not think so”, he rushes to cup your face again. He rubs his nose against yours before resting his forehead against yours. “I want you to be my wife, Y/N. This is what I’ve meant. D-Do you take me as your husband?”

You beam delightedly. Your smile makes him smile in turn, his heart melting at the sight of your evident happiness at his disastrous proposal. But there you are, just the two of you in the wild, where the starts and the moon are the only witnesses of such a pure display of mutual love and devotion.

“I do. But you must know I will not leave the ways of my people behind”, you tell him, wishing not to sound so insecure.

“I care not. I take you as you are”, Osferth assures you.

You hold him close, eyes closed as you live this moment. All you see behind your mind is him, his smile, his gentleness… A thousand virtues to lead your way, one you’d gladly follow.

Your Valhalla.

His Heaven.

“I love you”, both of you say at the same time.

And you smile at each other because you know.

***

A few months later…

You come to find out that, as careful he might be with you, there is no shyness out of public’s eyes. You take delight at his hunger for your flesh, at his devotion to you. When he goes on his knees and wakes you up in the best of ways…

“Oh Osferth!”, you barely open your eyes when sensing his tongue working wonderfulness in between your legs.

You still have in mind the day he told you he’d wanted to try something with a woman…that his brothers in arm often talked about. But he didn’t want to waste it with any woman, no.

Your hand moves instantly to play with his hair all the whilst you grip the sheet with the other. You never hated as you hate now to wear your nightgown.

“You are waking the beast within me”, you moan, starting to feel your legs weight.

But all the response you get is a groan and when you look down, you meet his eyes and… dear Gods, there is mischief in them.

Just like them, he drinks every bit of you. And when raising up, you take delight in how undressed he is already.

“Husband!”, you kiss his lips fervently all the whilst pulling himself towards you. “You come here…”

He chuckles, specially when you are moved by this unbearable fire that he sparked in you.

“Yes, wife? What’s it with you?”

You start kissing his neck all the whilst locking your legs around his waist, your curious hands not taking too long before finding his erect manhood.

“You make me go insane, Osferth”, you whisper against his neck, getting wet at his moans, at how he throws his head back and enjoys your touch, ever so smooth.

“Oh, do I?”

“Yes”, you bite his earlobe, smirking at his shivering. “Yes, you do.”

You’d gladly go down on him had he not opened his eyes and swiftly turned you. So now he is on top of you and holding your wrists above your head, he begins to remove your nightgown.

“You are so beautiful”, he whispers against your lips, eyeing you with not the common lust of the men, but with so much more.

Which arouses you and tenders your heart all the same.

“I love you”, your words come out as whining which makes him chuckle.

It is only then he slowly, but very skillfully slides into you.

“I love you too, Y/N”.

And just like that you start making love. It would not take too long before a big family starts to raise. After all, you are always following your husband everywhere he goes—even if Osferth protests against it for your safety—and you never resist him. As he never resists you.

Uhtred would later remark that you two form a rather unique pair…

#ewan mitchell #osferth x y/n #osferth x female reader #Osferth smut #Osferth #baby monk #the last kingdom

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